^-"•Hmm^BJ PN S261 fj™~ 3 4J* .L5 1811 Copy 1 5-g " ^' {JS^JuLT^ j^ ^ Ji >>K>>^I> Pa am ^> ;>J » ' >> >;jr -»> b> IF »: > > \m\^C\Ki *ki wm fwfel {LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. f if UNITED STATES uF AMERICA. I !lfltll§ N&h* w» ;^fc "wsnami H v LIBER FACETIARUM, BEING A COLLECTION op CURIOUS AND INTERESTING ANECDOTES. Suavis est et vehementer ssepe utilis jocus e: faced* ....Cicck.o FIRST AMERICAN EDITION, BOSTON : VCBLISHED BT C. WILLIAMS, NO. 8, STATE-STRE*! Watson & Bangs, Printers.- 18ile PREFACE. IT has long been a practice amongst men of letters, to collect and record thg apothegms of distinguished persons. The laconic apothegms, and apothegms of kings, princes, &c. of Plutarch, were the most admired by the ancients of ail the works of that amiable author. Sparta, indeed, was the native land of fine repartee, pleasant re- counter, and the real salt of jocularity ; and the value of publications of this kind is still sufficient- ly proved by their number. It is in these we en- liven our solitary hours, or find relaxation from fatiguing studies. They prepare us for society, by storing our minds with interesting conversation ; and by sharpening the useful but difficult talent of raillery. They are pleasant companions in our travels. They make us acquainted with the char- acters they mention, inasmuch as each particular anecdote is a kind of mirror, reflecting some men-, tal qualification of the person it describe*. i2 17 PREFACE. The present volume has certain claims, how- ever, above the common works of this nature. Its materials have been drawn from a great variety of respectable sources ; and much caution has been Used not to irtroduce anecdotes common to every collection, or otherwise grown vulgar by repetition. All indelicacy has been carefully excluded ; and while every thing that was ridiculously lofty or contemptibly mean was avoided, much attention was paid to adapt the whole to the taste of general readers. The authenticity of each paragraph was also a matter of prime consideration with the Edi- tor ; and he trusts the great number of respectable authorities he has used will greatly enhance the value of his book. ANECDOTES. jbORD Herbert of Cherbury was a nobleman of a great and generous disposition, a fine gentleman, full of the spirit of chivalry, but remarkably vain. After prince Charles of Wales had passed through Paris, in disguise, in his way to Madrid, his lord- ship says : " I acquainted his highness in Spain how much it grieved me that I had not seen his highness when he was in Paris," where his lord- ship was then ambassador, " which occasioned him afterwards to write a letter to me, wholly with his own hand, and subscribe his name your friend Charles, in which he did abundantly satisfie all the unkindness I might conceive on the occasion." Lord Herbert's Life of Himself. Tommy Hull, who is well known to have been the apologist-general at Covent Garden Theatre for about five and twenty years, took it into his head, at the time of the dispute between Keppel and Palliser, to distinguish himself as a lad of li- berty. On the night when all London was illumi- nated on Keppel's acquittal, he undertook, not on- ly to light up Ins tenement in Martlett-court, Bow- street, but treat the populace with small beer. — A 3 They had drank all hut one barrel, which, oat of wantonness — because it was rather stale — they left running. The door was now shut, lest some of the liberty boys should take a fancy to the silver spoons. At this they grew clamorous, and bawled out very outrageously for more beer. Tommy— as was his custom — thinking it high time he should now make his appearance — popped his red night- capped head out of the window, and there was immediately a cry of " hear him — hear him." When he thus begun : — c Ladies and gentlemen, I have the misfortune to tell you — that the spiggot is out of the faucet, and the small beer is run about the cellar — and we humbly hope for — your usual in- dulgence.' Dibdin's Musical Tour, p. 43. The following is transcribed from one of bishop Latimer's sermons, preached before Edward VI. It relates to his personal history, and is a just pic- ture of the ancient yeomanry. " My father was a yoman, and had landes of his owne ; onlye he had a farm of three or four pound hy yere at the uttermost ; and hereupon he tilled so much as kepte halfe a dozen men. He had walke for a hundred shepe, and my mother mylked thirty kyne. He was able and did find the king a harnesse, with hymself, and his horsse, while he came to the place that he should receyve the kynges wages. I can remembre that I buckled hys har- nes, when he went into Black Heath felde. He kept me to schole, or elies I had not been able to have preached before the kinges majestie nowe. He »arryed my sisters with S ponnde^ or 2$ nobles a pece ; so that he brought them up in godliness and feare of God. He kept hospital- itie for his pore neighbours, and sum almes he gave to the pore, and all thys did he of the sayd farme." THEO.CiBBER,in company with three other Bon Vivants, made an excursion. Theo. had a false set of teeth — a second a glass eye — a third a cork leg — but the fourth had nothing particular except a remarkable way of shaking his head. They tra- velled in a post coach — and while they were going the first stage — after each had made merry with his neighbour's infirmity — they agreed that at every baiting place they would all affect the same singu- larity. When they came to breakfast, they were all to squint — and, as the countrymen stood gaping round, when the first alighted, ( od rot it,' cried one, 'how that man squints !' 'Why, dom thee,' says a second, * here be another squinting fellow !' The third was thought to be a better squinter than the other two, the fourth better than all the rest. In short, language cannot express how admirably they squinted — for they went one degree beyond the su-< perlative. At dinner, they all appeared to have cork legs, and their stumping about made more diversion than* they had done at breakfast. At tea, they were all deaf ; but at supper — which was at the Ship at Dover — each man reassumed his charae = ter, the better to play his part in a farce they had concerted among them. When they were ready to go to bed, Cibber called out to the wait- el'— 'Here, you fellow, take out my teeth.' "Teeth,. a4 $!*•)-* s$M the man. * Ay, teetn, sir. Unscrew that wire, and you'll find they'll all come out toge- ther.' After some hesitation, the man did as he was ordered. This was no sooner performed, than a second called out * here you — take out my eye.' +' Lord, sir,' 3 said the waiter, " your eye !" e Yes, my eye. Come here, you stupid dog — pull up that eye -lid, add it will come out as easy as possible. 9 This done, the third cried out, { here, you rascal- take off my leg.' This he did with less reluctance, being before apprized that it was cork, and also conceived that it would be his last job. He was however mistaken. The fourth watched his op- portunity, and while the poor frightened waiter was purveying, with rueful countenance, the eye, teeth, and leg, lying upon the table — cried out in a fright- ful hollow voice, ( come here, sir- — take off my head ' Turning round, and seeing the man's head shaking like that of a mandarine upon a chimney piece, he darted out of the room— and after tum- bling headlong down stairs, he ran about the house, swearing that the gentlemen up stairs were certain- ly all devils. JDLbdi?i?$ JJusical Tour, p. 118. Loud Bacon informs us that Whitehead, chap- Iain to Anne Bcier.. ''was of a blunt, stoical na- ture/' and that he came one day to queen Eliza- beth, who happened to say to him, "I like thee better, Whitehead, because thou livest unmarried." ile answered, " In troth, madam, I like you the worse for the same cause." Bacon'' s Apoth. fflo 90, and Granger's Biog. Hist, v. \,p. 215, 9 The following adventure is copied from the pa* pers of Richard, earl of Cork, and is to be found among the manuscripts of sir James Ware. Queen Mary having dealt severely with the pro«- testants in England, about the latter end of her reign signed a commission to take the same course in Ireland, and for that purpose nominated Dr. Cole one of her commissioners. Cole, coming to Chester, on his journey, was waited on by the mayor, and in the magistrate's presence took out of a cloke-bag a leather box, saying to him, " here is a commission that will lash tbe heretics of Ire- land." The good woman of the house being a protestant, and having a brother named John Ed- monds of the same persuasion in Dublin, was much troubled at the Doctor's words ; but watch- ing her time, while he complimented the mayor down the stairs, she took the commission out of the bag, and placed in it a pack of cards, with the knave of clubs uppermost^ folded in a sheet of pa- per. The Doctor put up the box without suspi- cion, and next day, October Tth, 1558, sailed to Ireland. Coming to the council, after a suitabk speech, he presented the box to the lord deputy i Fitz Walters, who ordered it to be opened, that the secretary might read the commission ; but what was the surprise of the lord deputy, the counsil, and Dr. Cole, when the knave of clubs and pack sF eards appeared. When Cole assured them he had a commission, but knew not how it was gone, the lord deputy made answer : " Let us have another commission, and we will shuffis the cards in. thte mean while," The doctor* in p*eai tribulatT^r JL 5 10 returned to the English court, obtained another commission, but waiting for a fair wind, Mary died, and thus God preserved the protestants of Ireland. When Fitz "Walters related the story to queen Elizabeth, she was so much delighted with it that she sent for Elizabeth Edmonds, and gave her a pension of 401. for life. Cox's Hiher. Anglic. v. 2, p. 308. & Harl Misc. v. 5, p. 518. A poet was noticing how sometimes the most trivial and unforeseen accident overturns an author's hopes. c A thing,' said he, c once happened to me which was enough to make a man forswear ever taking a pen in hand. I had a tragedy — Garrick performed in it — I must confess the principal in- cident was a little similar to Lear's abdication of the throne in favour of his daughters. Mine were two daughters ; and the king- — after giving them a lesson fraught with legislative advantages that might have done honour to Solon or Lycurgus — ■ finished Ids harangue by saying, "and now I divide this crown between you" — Sir, a malicious scoun- drel peeping over the spikes of the orchestra, and staring Garrick full in the face, cried out — "Ah, that's just half a-crown a-piece." Sir, an incess- ant laugh immediately prevailed, and if it had been to save your soul, another syllable could not be heard. Dibdin's Musical Tour, p. 317. Whes Mary, queen of Scotland, in the full bloom of her beauty, was walking in a procession at Paris, a woman forced her way through the crowd to ♦ 11 touch her. Upon being asked what she meant by her bohi intrusion, she said, it was only to satisfy herself whether so angelic a creature were flesh and blood. Granger's Biog. Hist. v. 1 5 p. 182, In the reign of queen Anne, when an ambassa- dor from Peter the Great, czar of Muscovy, was arrested and taken out of his coach in London, for a debt of fifty pounds which he had there contract- ed, instead of applying to be discharged upon his privilege, he gave bail to the action, and the next day complained to the queen. The persons who were concerned in the arrest were examined before the privy council (of which the lord chief justice Holt was at the same time sworn a mem- ber) and seventeen were committed to prison : most of whom were prosecuted by information in the Court of queen's bench, at the suit of the at- torney general, and at their trial before the lord chief justice were convicted of the facts by the jury, reserving the question of law, how far those facts were criminal, to be afterwards argued before the judges, which question was never determined. In the mean time, the czar resented this affront very highly, and demanded that the sheriff of Middlesex and all others concerned in the arrest should be punished with instant death. But the queen (to the amazement of that despotic court) di- rected her secretary to inform him, "that she could inflict no punishment upon any, the mean- est, of her subjects, unless warranted by the law of the land, and therefore was persuaded that he would not insist upon impossibilities." To satisfy 12 the clamours of the foreign ministers, who made it a common cause, as well as to appease the wrath of Peter, a bill was brought into parliament, and afterwards passed into a law, to prevent and punish such outrageous insolence for the future. And a copy of this act, being elegantly engrossed and illu- minated, accompanied by a letter from the queen, an ambassador extraordinary was commissioned to appear at Moscow, who declared ft that though her majesty could not inflict such a punishment as was required, because of the defect in that parti- cular of the former established constitutions of her kingdom, yet, with the unanimous consent of the parliament, she had caused a new act to be passed, to serve as a law for the future." This humiliating step was accepted as a full satisfaction by the czar; and the offenders, at his request, were discharged from all farther prosecutions. Blackstone's Com. v. 1, p. 154. Gabrick, one day — went into the painting room, and seeing, as he imagined, a prodigious quantity of gold strewed about the floor, began to abuse first the man who was grinding the colours, and afterwrrJs to bawl out lustily for French, the painter. French made his appearance, and was thus accosted. 4 Why — why — hey — damme — why you, Mr. French — is not it — ey — the eursedest thing — that you will in this harum skarum man- ner—he — a — damme — ruin me !' " God bless my soul/' cried French, " what is the matter, sir ?" ' The matter, sir — why, where are you — with your damned lack-lustre eyes— doa't you see the ground 13 all strewed with gold ? I believe you think I roll in money^ " Gold, sir ! — oh, what, the Dutch metal that we have rubbed off in gilding the new scene ? — it is not worth two-pence." * Well — two-pence — and pray why the devil should I lose two-pence ? — do you consider what two-pence a day will come to in a year ?' " "Well, sir, it is no- thing Out of your pocket," s Yes, sir, but — a— yaw — you — are a damned curious sort of a hey — how is it, nothing out of my pocket ?' (( Why, you know,sir,I Lave a salary for finding all these things." 1 Oh — a — he3 r — a salary ! — why then damme if I care two-pence about it.' Dibdin's Musical Tour, p. 114. La Croix, now prefect of Bourdeaux, having dislocated his shoulder, the surgeon who set it dis- covered a mark from a liGt iron, inflicted on him as a thief and a forger. This scandalous discovery caused his removal. He is a member of the le- gion of honour ! ! ! Les JVouvelle* a la *\Iain> Jlfessidor, an. xiL JVa. 3, p. 8. The ear of Diogenes in Syracuse is no less a monument of the ingenuity and magnificence, than of the cruelty of that tyrant. It is a hu^e cavern cat out of the hard rock, in the form of the human ear. The perpendicular of it is about 80 feet, and the length of this enormous ear is not less than 250. The cavern was said to be so contrived, that every sound made in it, was collected and ■^united into one point, as into a focus ; this was called the tympanum ; and exactly opposite o it 14 ihe tyrant had made a small hole, whieh commu- nicated with a little apartment where he used to conceal himself. He applied his own ear to this hole, and is said to have heard distinctly every "word that was spoken in the cavern helow. This apartment was no sooner finished, and a proof of it made, than he put to death all the workmen that had been employed in it. He then confined all he suspected were his enemies ; and by overhear- ing their conversation, judged of their guilt, and condemned and acquitted accordingly. Brydone's Tour, Queejt Semirami3 having caused her own sepul- ehre to be made, gave orders that this inscription should be engraven upon it : " What king soever hath need of money s let him demolish this monu- ment, and hee shall finde within it treasury as much as hee desireth." Now Darius having open- ed the said sepulchre could meet neither with silver nor gold there ; but instead thereof he light upon others letters written to this eiFect : " If thou had- dest not beene a wicked man and of insaciable avarice thou wouldest never have stirred and dis- quieted the graves and monuments of tbe dead.*' Holland's Plutarch, p. 403. Sir C B was dining with a party of friends at an inn in C . It was a day of pub- lic rejoicing, and the bells annoyed the party. Sir C sent to desire the ringers to desist ; they re- fused ; and Sir C with much sang froid enter- - ed the belfry with a hammer and broke the bells. IB The churchwardens of the place presented him to the bishop of the diocese, who wrote to Sir C telling him, he had cited him to the spiritual court for the outrage. He answered his lordship's letter thus : " My lord, I received your letter with sur- prise, I treat it with contempt ; my goods are be- spoken, and my person is sacred — I am yours, C — - B " N. B. Sir C was in debt and in parliament. The Roman emperor Hadrian wrote the fol- lowing lines on his death bed : Animula, vagula, blandula Hospesque comes corporis, Qua nunc abibis in loca, Palidula, rigid a, nudula, Nee, ut soles, dabis jocos. Little, courteous, wandering thing, Whither wilt thou turn thy wing, The body's friend and guest ? Pale and naked, cold as clay, Forgot, alas, thy wonted play, Where wilt thou take thy rest I Gen. Biog- Ox a trial before lord Mansfield, an action was brought to ascertain some privileges concerning the boundaries of two parishes, upon which a great deal of money was spent, to elucidate a question which was not of three-pence consequence to either party. In the course of the trial, lord Mans- field having taken notice of some strong pointed ±6 observation, which had fallen from one of the wit- nesses, a farmer, he begged leave to ask him a few questions, merely for information, concerning the customs of overseers, and other officers, who ma- nage the parish money. The farmer with great cheerfulness appeared ready to satisfy him, and his lordship said, * in the course of your evidence I think that you noticed that the parish money was ver v often improperly applied — now I do not mean to insinuate that you would be likely to misuse it, but as you mentioned that you were once church- warden, if you have no objection, I should wish to know what was done with the money at that time.' " Why, my lord," said the farmer, w the money was worse applied wliile I was churchward- en than ever I knew it in my life." * Indeed !' said his lordship, * I should be glad to know how.'— ~ K Why, my lord," said the farmer, " I'll tell you. A gentleman, who lived some time among us, went into Yorkshire, where he died. In his will he be- queathed about an hundred and twenty pounds to the poor of our parish. We applied for it often, but 'twould not do — the executors and the lawyers, and one or another, were glad enough to keep the money in their hands ; for }^ou know, my lord, 'tis an old saying, that might can overcome right- Well, we did not know what to do, and I came to your lordship for advice. You were then counsellor Murray. I remember, my lord, you advised us to file a bill in Chancery. We did so ; and, after throw- ing a great deal of good money after bad, we got, I think they call it, a decree ; and such a decree it was: that, when all expenses were paid, I reckon we were m about an hundred and seventy -five pounds out of pocket. Now, my lord, I leave you to judge wheth- er the parish money was not likely to he worse em- ployed while I was churchwarden, than ever I knew it before." JDibdin's Musical Tour, p. 240. Bachelors are best friends, best masters and "best servants al«o, but not always best subjects ; for they are light to run away, and in truth almost all fugitives are of that description. Lord Bacon. Deah Aldrich's reasons for drinking and even dangerous for a fleet to sail, being the month of November. Mr. Pitt was at this time confined to his bed by the gout; and was obliged to receive all visitors in his chamber, in which he could not bear to have a fire. The duke of New- castle waited upon him in this situation, to discuss the affair of this fleet, which he was of opinion? ought not to sail in such a stormy season. Scarce- ly had he entered the chamber when, shivering. 23 with cold, he said, " What ! have you no fire f* * i No," replied Mr. Pitt ; " I can never hear a fire when I have the gout." The duke sat down by the side of the invalid, wrapped up in his cloak, and began to enter upon the subject of his visit. There was a second bed in the room ; and the duke, being unable to endure the cold, at length said, " With your leave, I'll warm myself in this other bed ;" and without taking off his cloak, he actually stepped into lady Esther Pitt's bed, and then resumed the debate. The duke was entirely against exposing the fleet to hazard in the^ month of November, and Mr. Pitt was as positively de- termined that it should put to sea. " The fleet must absolutely sail," said Mr. Pitt, accompanying his words with the most animated gestures. (< It is impossible," said the duke, making a thousand contortions ; " it t* ill certainly be lost." Sir Charles Frederick, of the ordnance department, arriving just at that time, found them both in this laugh- able posture ; and had the greatest difficulty in the world to preserve his gravity, at seeing two minis- ters of state deliberating upon an object so import- ant, in such a ludierous situation. The fleet, however, did put to sea, and Mr. Pitt was justified by the event ; for admiral Hawke de- feated JM.de Confians, and the victory was more decisive in favour of the English than any other -that was obtained over France during the war. Dutens' Memoirs, v. 1, p. 231. BtJBTosr departed this life, at, or very near the tune which he had some years before foretold, from 2* the calculation of his own nativity, and which, safs Wood, 6( being exact, several of the students did not forbear to whisper among themselves, that ra- ther than there should be a mistake in the calcu- lation, he sent his soul to heaven through a slip about his neck." This may not be true ; but it seems obscurely hinted in the following epitaph, written by himself, a short time before his death. Paucis notus, paucioribus ignotus, Hie jacet Democritus junior, Cui vitam dedit et mortem Melancholia. Ob. 8 Id. Jan. A. C. MDCXXXIX. Bur torts Life, prefixed to Anat. Melafi. The Count de Torre Palma, ambassador for Spain, thought he had discovered, while at the court of Vienna, that his dispatches were intercept- ed. One day particularly he remarked to his se- cretary, that such a pacquct must have been opened; and he was convinced of it a moment afterwards, by finding a dispatch which was uot signed, the hand-writing of which his secretary knew to be German and not Spanish, and which he declared was written by one of the clerks in the office of foreign affairs. He even produced some papers that had been given in reply to some of their me- morials, which left no doubt of the fact ; and they naturally imagined that, in the hurry with which these things were generally done at the offices, the copy of the dispatch had been put into the envelope instead of the original. The ambassador, without loss of time, waited immediately upon the princfr de Kaunitz. He was admitted. " I have to re ■• quest, sir," said he, " that you will order yciir clerks to restore my dispatch, of which they have only sent me the copy, and have kept the original/* M Sir," replied the prince, without appearing at all embarrassed, " I beg a thousand pardons for the trouble you have had ; these careless fellows are making such blunders every day." Then ringing the bell, and calling one of his secretaries, " Go, and fetch the ambassador's dispatch, sir, of which he has only received the copy, and learn not to commit such blunders another time." "When the dispatch was produced, " Sir," said the prince, as he restored it to him, " I am mortified that their stupidity should have occasioned you so much trouble :" and conducted him very politely to the door, without appearing to attach any importance to the mistake which had produced the visit. Dutens' Memoirs, v. I, p. 191. Madame Bonaparte's passion for gambling brought her into many difficulties during her hus- band's wanderings in the deserts of Africa. She borrowed money as long as she had any credit, which, owing to the disasters near Aboukir, was but a short time. t She then pawned all her dia- monds, plundered by general Bonaparte in Italy, and presented to her, to the amount of 1,200,000 livres, or 50,000/. Money was then scarce in France, and she got only 150 ,000 livres, 6000/. upon them. What was her surprise, when her hus- band usurped the consulate, to receive them back as a present from Talleyrand > who bad previously 12 26 refused her the loan of a louis-d ? or. This crafty- intriguer had by his spies advanced the money, with intent to keep those diamonds so cheaply pos- sessed, should the general perish, and to shew his disinterested gallantry in restoring them, should the Corsiean ever rule France. The conduct of gene- ral Moreau towards her was very different. Revolutionary Plutarch, 3d editi v. 1, p. 59. The Marquis de Breille and myself Were speak- ing- of the avarice of the famous duke of Marl- borough ; and I told him that I could not believe a story which I had been told, of his having one night, when alone in a room with some person, extinguished one of two candles which were burn- ing in his chamber. " It is nevertheless true," said the Marquis ; " I was the person : Prince Eugene had sent me to inform hira of some dispo- sition he had made for an attack the next morning. The duke of Marlborough was then asleep, and they awoke him : I was admitted to his bed side ; a valet-de-chambre rvbeed two candles upon the flight table, and withdrew. At the beginning of the conversation, which seemed £s if it would last jor some time, the duke, while he was listening to me, and without saying a word^put the extinguish- er upon one of the lights, and continued attending * to what I had been directed to rela'te to him." Duienf JWemoirs, v, I, p. 176. Ai/exy Bestucheff, grand chancellor of the Russian empire, was the son of a Scottish officer, »amed Besi> whom Peter the Great brought with 27 him from England. Best, which in the Russian language signifies beast, is a horrid term of abuse, when applied to a man or woman ; therefore, Peter familiarly told him to change it. " If your majesty does not approve of my name," said the lieutenant, " I beseech you to alter it to your own mind." " Well then," returned the czar, U let it fee Bestucheff, and thou art a Russian at once." Life of the Empress Catherine II v. I, p. 67. The 17th of Februar (1598) the king (James VI.) being in the great kirk (i. e. St. Giles) of Edinburgh at the ceremone, Mr. Patrick Galloway red out likit the forme or manner of the divisione of the four kirkis of Edin. ane quarter of the toune to everie kirke. The said 17th Februar, betwixt 9 and 10 in the morning, ane grate darknes be reasone of eclipes, sick ane darknes hes net beine sene, for the hail pepeil within Edin. yat knew quhat it wes, yat it had bene duimsday. Mer- chantis and utheris yat war ignorent, stekit ther buit doris and ran to the kirke to pray, as gif it it had bene the last day. BirreVs Diary, p. 45. The following laughable incident that happened at a rehearsal of Coriolanus, while it was prepar- ing for the benefit of Thomson's sisters, is thu9 related by the celebrated Mrs. Bellamy. Mr. Quin's pronunciation was of the old school. In this Mr. Garrick had made an alteration. The one pro- nounced the letter a open ; the other sounded it like an e ; which occasioned the following ludicrous mistake. In the pieee, when the Roman ladies come in procession to solicit Coriolanus to return to Rome, they are attended by the tribunes ; and the centurions of the Vtfiseian atfmy bezrwz; fiscei, their ensigns of authority, they are ordered bv the hero (the part of which was played by Mr. Quin) to lower the . as a token of respect. But the men who personated the centurions, imagining? through Mr. QuinVmbde of pronunciation, that he said th&r faces, instead of their fasces, all bowed their heads together. Mrs. Bellamys Lifi by hersef. The 10 of Julii, 1598, ane man, sum callit him a jugiar, playit sic «owp!e tricks upone ane tow; qik wes festi it betwixt the top of St. Gill's k-rk steeple, Edinbtirgh, and an stair beneath the crosse, callit Josias Close Heid, the lyke was never sene in yis countre ; as ho raid doune the tow and play it sa many-pavies. Birrel's Diary, p. 47\ Ix the year 1785, Juen Long liberated, by a public edict, twelve missionaries out of prison, who, being detected in privately seducing the Chinese from the religion and customs' of the country, had been condemned to perpetual impri- sonment. This edict, of which I procured a copy in Pekin, does great honour to the humane and benevolent mind of the emperor. After stating their crime, apprehension, and trial, he observes, fC Had they made known their arrival to the officers of the government, they might .have proceeded to the capital and found protection. But, as trans« pressors of the law, which forbids the entrance of 29 Grangers, they have stolen into the tountry, and secretly endeavoured to multiply converts to their own way of thinking, it hecame my duty to oppose a conduct so deceitful, and to put a stop to the progress of seduction. Justly as they were found to deserve the punishment to whieh they have heen eondemned, touched, nevertheless, with compas- sion for their imprudence, it was not without injury to my feelings that I ratified the sentence. But recollecting afterwards that they were strangers — strangers, perhaps ignorant of the laws of my em- pire, my compassion increased for them, and hu- manity suffers on account of their long confinement. I will, therefore, and command that these twelve strangers be set at liberty." Barrow's Travels in China, p. 447. "When the fanatics, in the year 1567, came to pull down the cathedral of Glasgow, a gardener, who stood by, said : " My friends, cannot you make it a house for serving your God in your own way ? for it would cost your country a great deal to build such another." The fanatics desisted, and it is the only cathedral in Scotland, that remains entire and fit for service. Earl of Buchan's Life (f And. Fletcher. A copy of the original letter containing the or-; der issued at the reformation, as given in the Stat. Ace. of Dunkeld, p. 422. *' To our traist friendis the lairds of Arntilly and Kinvaid. Traist friendis ; after maist hearty comznendacio 7 *. B 3 30 we pray you fail not to pass incontinent to the kirk of Dunkeld, and tak down the hail images thereof, and bring forth to the kirk-zayrd, and burn thaym openly. And sickly k cast down the alteris, and purge the kirk of all kynd of monuments of idola- tyre. And this ze fail not to do, as ze will do us singular empleseur ; and so commitis you to the protection of God. From Edinburg the xii. of August 1 560. Signed An. Argyll. James Stewart. Rttthvex. " Fail not, hot ze tak guid heyd that neither the dasks, windocks, nor durris, be ony ways hurt or broken,— eyther glassin wark or iron wark." KiTfG William III. was passionately fond of hunting ; and he made it a point of honour never to be outdone in any leap, however perilous. A certain Mr. Cherry, who was devoted to the exiled family, took occasion of this, to form perhaps the most pardonable design which was ever laid against a king's life. He regularly joined the ro} al hounds, put himself foremost, and took the most desperate leaps, in the hope that William might break his neck in following him. One day, however, he ac- complished one so imminently dangerous, that the king, when he came to the spot, shook his head and drew back. Universal Magazine, v. 10, p. 120. Novels may be arranged according to the bo- tanical system of Linnaeus. Monandria Monogynia is the usual class, most 31 novels having one hero and one heroine. Sir- Charles Grandison is Mona*ndria Digynia. Those in which the families of the two lovers are at vari- ance may he called Dloe&ious. The Cryptogam a are very numerous, so are the Polygamia. Where the lady is in douht which to chuse of her lovers, the tale is to he classed under the Ieo p. 246. IssiEsriAs was sent as an ambassador from his country, to the king of Persia. On coming there, he desired an audience on the business of his em- bassy. The Chiliarch, named Tithraustes, whose office it was to deliver messages to the king, and to introduce those who wished it, said to him in a pleasant manner, by an interpreter, " Theban stranger, it is the Persian law, that everyone, who comes into the presence of the king, must prostrate himself on the ground before he be permitted to ex- change a word with him. If, therefore, you would have an interview with him yourself, you must do what the law requires ; but if not, the business shall be transacted by us, without your prostrating yourself." Ismenias replied, " Conduct me to him." When he came near him, and was present- ed to the king, pulling off his ring, and letting it fall unperceived at his feet, he instantly threw him- self along, as if in act of prostration, took it up a- gain, and preserved the appearance of practising tke Persian homage ; when, at the same time^ he b 4 32 did nothing that would disgrace him among the Grecians. He thus obtained what he wanted, and all his negociations at Persia succeeded. JEli aii's Various History, p. 209. The celebrated Corregio had so seldom been rewarded during his life, that the paltry payment often pistoles of German coin, and which he was obliged to travel as far as Parma to receive, created in his mind a joy so excessive, that it caused his death . The payment to hi m was made in quadrini, a species of copper coin. The joy which the mind of Corregio felt in being the bearer of so large a quantity of money to his wife, prevented him from thinking either of the length of the journey, or of £he excessive heat of the day. He walked twelve miles with so much anxiety to reach home, that, immediately on his return, he was seized with a violent pleurisy, of which he died. Zimmerman on Solitude, p. 29. The matrimonial tobacconist cf Gretna Green, having bound an old lady, and a youth of " un- razored lips," in the silken bonds of wedlock, ob» served to a friend, " I have just tied a withered stich and a green twig together with a cobvjeb." JHorning Chronicle, JMarch 7, 1808. He that tries to recommend Shakspeare, by se- lect quotations, will succeed like the pedant in Jlierocies, who, when he offered his house for sale, carried a brick in his pocket as a specimen. J9hm9n y 8 Preface to Shakspeare as Attgereaf, the son of a fruit-woman at Paris;, has served most of the powers of Europe as a common soldier, and has heen flogged in Austria, and Prussia for desertion. He was a fencing mas- tar at Neufchatel in Switzerland, in 1789, where he rohhed a watchmaker, Courvoisier, of a horse and two watches, and then enlisted as a soldier in the Neapolitan service, where he gave lessons as a fencing-master ; he again deserted, and became first a French spy, and afterwards a French general. At Verona and Venice, he plundered upwards of six millions of livres : he is, in private, remarkable for his presumption and vanity ; his boasts deprive all other commanders of their merit, and the osten- tatious decorations of his person, with rings and jewels, form a ridiculous contrast with his ignor- ance in conversation, and the gross vulgarity of hif manners. Recueil (f Anecdotes, page 360. Revolutionary Plutarch, p. 125. Ox the anniversary of the king's birth-day, lord, Tavistock invited the few English gentlemen, who were then at Paris, to dine with him, in honour of the day. I was of the party ; not one of which was known to me, except those with whom I had travelled to Paris. I sat between lord Berkeley, who was going to Turin, and the famous Sterne, author of Tristram Shandy, who was considered as the Rabelais of England. We were very jovial dur- ing dinner ; and drank, in the English manner, the toasts of the day^ The conversation turned upon Turin, which several of the company were on the gointof yisiting : upon which, Mr. Sterne address- B 5 ing himself to me, asked me if I knew Mr. Dutens, naming me. I replied, " Yes, very intimately.'* The whole company began to laugh ; and Sterne, who did not suppose me so near him, imagined that this Mr. Dutens must he a very singular char- acter, since the mention of the name alone excited merriment. (( Is not he rather a strange fellow ?" added he, immediately. " Yes," replied I, " an original." — " I thought so," continued he ; " I have lieard him spoken of:" and then he began to draw a picture of me, the truth of which I pretended to acknowledge ; while Sterne, seeing that the subject amused the company, invented from his fertile im- agination many stories, which he related in his way, to the great diversion of us all. I was the first v. ho withdrew ; and I had scarcely left the hoUr-e, when they told him who I was : they persuaded him that J?ii9d restrained myself at the time from respect to lord Tavi-tock ; but that T was not to be offended with LmpunitVj adding that he might expect to see me on the next day to demand satisfaction for the improper language he had used concerning me. In- deed, he thought he had carried his raillery too far, for he was a little merry : he therefore came the following morning to see me, and to beg pardon for any thing that he might have said to offend me ; excusing himself by that circumstance, and by the great desire he had to amuse the company, who had appeared Ed merrily disposed from the moment he first mentioned my name. I stopped him short at once, by assuring him that I was as much a- i^u-cd i:t his mistake as a^y of the party ; that he 35 had said nothing which could offend me 5 and thatj, if he had known the man he had spoken of as well as I did, he might have said much worse things of him. He was delighted with my answer, request- ed my friendship, and went away highly pleased with me. Dutens* Memoirs, v. 2, p. $. Ax affray happened in Macao a few }~ears ago, in which a Chinese was killed by the Portuguese. A peremptory demand was made for one of the latter to expiate the death of the former. The government of this place, either unable or unwil- ling to fix on the delinquent, pro£>osed terms of compromise, which were rejected, and force was threatened to be used. There happened to he a merchant from Manilla then residing at Macao, a man of excellent character, who had long carried on a commerce between the two ports. This un- fortunate man was selected to be the innocent victim to appease the rigour of Chinese justice, and he was immediately strangled. BarrovSs Travels in China, p. 368. Ix the distracted state of Fleetwood's manage- ment at Drury Lane, in 1743, though he had the advantage of Garrick's powers, as an actor, bailiffs were often in possession of the theatre ; and the properties, clothes, and other stage ornaments of the comedians, were sometimes seized upon by these low implements of the law. Many ridiculous contests and foolish squabbles between the actors and these licensed harpies might here be recorded for the reader's amusement ; I shall content mv~ £ G 36 self with relating one of them. The hat of king Richard III. by being adorned with jewels of paste, feathers, and other ornaments, seemed to the sher- iff's officers, a prey worthy of their seizure ; but honest Davy, Mr. Garrick's Welsh servant, told them, they did not know what they were about ; " For look you," said Davy, " that hat belongs to the king." The fellows imagining that what was meant of Richard III. was spoken of George II. resigned their prey, though with some reluctance. Davie »' Life of Garrick, v. 1, />. 71. Bonaparte : "His library is fitted up in the English taste, and rather plain than otherwise ; it is decorated with marble busts of great men, among which you find those of the late regretted Mr. Fox, and the immortal Nelson. The emperor had a great personal esteem for Mr.Fox, and treated him, while that illustrious patriot remained in Paris, with the most conciliating attention. I am told that he has remarked that Mr. Fox was to Great Britain, what Cassandra was to the Trojans, always telling truths, but, unfortunately, never believed. I carried my curiosity so far, as to take mea- sures to learn what books this extraordinary charac- ter was fond of perusing, and found that Ossian's Poems, (well translated into Italian,) the works of Newton and Leibnitz ; Smith on the Wealth of Nations ; the works of Montesquieu ; Tacitus, Guiccardini, &c. formed the leading articles with whiah he amused or informed himself in his leisure hours : if such an active mind can be supposed to - leisure. 87 To indulge the curiosity of those natives and foreigners,- whose rank and talents do not entitle them to an introduction at court, he takes an air- ing every Sunday evening in the gardens of St. Cloud, with the empress, the imperial family and his marshals : I have observed that his attendant mameluke is uniformly behind his person ; and I was told that he sleeps at the entrance of his apart' raent, or tent, when he is on duty from the capi- tal." View of Modern Paris— M. Mag. v. 25, p. 105. A lady invited a gentleman to her house one evening, and being there, he very obligingly carved for all the company. Seeing him do nothing else, the lady at length asked him why he did not eat ? 1 That, madam/ said he, ' is not my office, you only invited me to carve.' The lady's note was produced, and instead of Monsieur est invite de venir souper, the words were, Monsieur est invite* de venir couper. The c with a cidilla, 9, has the sound of s; this occasioned the lady's mistake. Mr. Holcroft observes, in England such a joke would have been an affront, never to be forgiven. In France it was something to laugh at, and it is polite never to take offence at a joke. The rule is excellent, and highly deserves imitation. Holcroft 9 s Travels* Philip gained a great victory over the Athe- nians, at Chasronea ; but, though exalted by suc- cess, he, at the same time, governed his mind and refrained from every thing insolent or injurious-. 38 •n this aeeount, he thought that one of his attend- ants should be accustomed to remind him that he was a man. He assigned this office to a youth ; and it is reported,that he neither left his apartment, nor permitted any one to have access to him, be- fore the page every day came and had accosted him three times with this proclamation : — " Philip, thou art a man.'* •Elian's Various History, p. 208. Major Bernard, in his life written by him- self, informs us that after king Charles, in his escape, arrived at the late Sir Geo. Norton's house, near Bristol, he went into the kitchen, by the adviee of his supposed mistress, the better to conceal himself : and that, as he was " standing by the fire -side, near the jack, the cook-maid desired him to wind it up ; and he fumbling until the spit stood still, the maid struck him, and calling him black block- head, asked where the devil he had lived, that he had not learned to wind up a jack ? The king modestly answered her with a blush, that he was a poor tradesman's son, and had not been long in his lady's service." Bernard's Life, p. 6. The Roman pandects will furnish us with a X^iece of history not inapplicable to our present purpose, says Sir William Blackstone speaking of the utility of a knowledge of the law to the mem- bers of the house of lords. Servius Sulpicius, a gentleman of the patrician order, and a celebrated orator, had occasio:: to take the opinion of Qu'mtus Mutdus Scfsvola, the then oracle gf the Koman 39 law, but for want of some knowledge in {hat sci- ence, could not so much as understand even the technical terms, which his friend was obliged tb make use of. Upon which Mutius Sesevoia could not forbear to upbraid him with this memorable reproof, ' Tbat it was a shame for a patrician, a nobleman, and an orator of causes, to be ignorant of that law in which he was so peculiarly concern- ed.' This reproach made so deep an impression on Sulpicius, that he immediately applied himself to the study of the law ; wherein he arrived to that proficiency, that he left behind him about an hundred and fourscore volumes of his own compo- sing upon the subject ; and became, in the opinion of Cicero, a much more complete lawyer than even Mutius Sccevola himself. Blackstone's Comment aries i v. l,p. 11. Thomas Ktllegtietv was page of honour to Charles I. and gentleman of the bed chamber to Charles II. and who, in 1651, appointed him his resident at Venice. He was a man of wit and hu- mour, and frequently entertained the king with his drollery. As Charles was wholly engrossed by his pleasures, and was frequently in his mistress' apart- ment when he should have been at the council- board, Killegrew used the following expedient to admonish him of his extreme negligence in regard to the affairs of the kingdom. He dressed himself in a pilgrim's habit, went into the hiug's chambers, and told him that he hated himself and the world, that he was resolved immediately to leave it, and was then entering upon a pilgrimage tohelh Th£ 4d king asked him what he purposed to do there. He said, * To speak to the devil to send Oliver Cromwell to take care of the English government, as he had ohserved with regret, that his successor was always employed in other business.' Granger's Biog. Hist. v. 3, p. 414. \s Malahar, a stranger might easily form a false notion of the cause of so much grief, as the wives exhibit there, on the death of their husbands, if he were not previously told that it is customary to burn both parties, the living and the dead, on the same pile. An epigram, written by a friend of mine, will put this instance in a clearer light. EPIGBAM On a woman of Malabar weeping excessively at the loss of her husband. Stranger. Sure never with affliction more sincere, Did widow heave a sigh, or shed a tear. Man of Malabar. 'Tis true ; but think not parting grieves her sb : 77iey must not part ; and hence her sorrows flow. This Asiatic custom has one great merit : it en- sures the wife's tender est care of her husband's health while he lives, and the most unfeigned grief at his death. Old Nick, a saiyrical story, v. l,p. 33, The artist, David, was educated at Rome, in the French academy of painting, at the expense of the king of France, by the recommendation of the Unfortunate • ted her utmost abilities ; when, however, she was called on to dance a jig at the age of 85, she loiter- ed and seemed overcome ; but as soon as the mu- sic struck up the Irish Trot, she footed it as nim- , bly as any girl of five and twenty." JVliss O-wensorCs Lay of an Irish Harp, p. 141. The detection of the impudent fraud of Bam- berger's Travels into the interior of Africa was made by major Rennel — One argument which he employed upon this subject is so strictly character- istic of his geographical readiness and ability that we here quote it. " Mr Bamberger arrives at Ka-, c4 56 horatho, and here sees a canal which is conducted from the river Gambia. Now Kahoratho happens 10 be in longitude 42, and Gambia is in longitude 22; the length therefore of the canal must be twenty degrees, or one thousand four hundred miles. — Well said, honest friend !" Life of Major Rennel, P. Char. p. 517. Scaligeh and others have considered the arti- cle, in grammar, as otiosum loquassimcs gentis instru- mentam, or at best as a mere avant courier, to an- nounce the coming of its master ; whilst the brutish, inarticulate interjection, which has nothing to do with speech, and is the miserable refuge of the speechless, has been permitted, because beautiful and gaudy, to usurp a place among words, and to exclude the article from its well-earned dignity. Home Tooke. Biseofs — Wherever Christianity penetrated in /is first ages, it was accompanied with episcopal institution • and the anomalous existence of a church without a bishop was a phenomenon reserv- ed for latter ages. LingarcVs Antiq. Saxon Ch. Misstonahies. — It may be curious for a prot- ectant to know that the papal clergy, in England, call themselves missionaries. Rome sends her priests to convert the savages of Ethiopia, and the heretics of Britain. Greg. Ant. Pat. Eye, say the Rabbins, is derived from a word y.'hkh signifies to prattle. The first woman took 57 this name for the following reason ; — when God had created the world, he threw down from heaven twelve baskets filled with prattle ; the woman pick- ed up nine of them, whilst her husband had hardly- time to collect the other three. Segur on Women, v.l, notes* Doctor Mead had his rise in life, from being called to see the duchess of at midnight. She unfortunately drank to excess, — the doctor also was very often much in liquor, and was so that night. In the act of feeling her pulse, slipping his foot he cry'd, *drunk ? by G — d,' meaning of himself. She, imagining he had found out her complaint, which she wished to conceal, told the doctor, if he kept it secret, she would recommend him. She did so, and made his fortune. JH. S. Ray the naturalist was of a very amiable and meek disposition. He had long hair, and would frequently sit for an hour at a time to have it comb- ed by a child. Kay^s Life. Joseph Villa, a native of Malta, not satisfied with having amused a considerable part of Europe, during several years, that he had recovered the lost works of Livy in an Arabian manuscript, and with persuading an English lady to offer, with British generosity, in the year 1794, a sum suffi- cient for the publication of that part of the Roman history so much revered, he availed himself of the arrival of an ambassador from Morocco ; who, re- turning from Naples, was by contrary winds de- c5 58 tained during some days at Palermo. He declar- ed that the African minister had found in the abbey of St. Martin, near Palermo (whither Villa accom- panied him) a curious Arabian M. S. containing the history of Sicily, during the period of the Ara- bic dominion. As the tradition of these times is extremely de- fective, this report was popularly sanctioned. An opulent bishop of Palermo expended considerable sums on the translation of the work in six volumes, which appeared in the course of ten years ; and it was not till the greatest part was completed, that the manuscript was discovered to be a forgery. Dr. Eager'' s Picture of Paler mo, p. 112. DumxG the siege of Gibraltar, a paper merchant oIFcred the Spanish commander, the duke deCril- lon, an immense kite, at the tail of which a man in a sack was to ascend and to pour aquafortis over the officers and soldiers on parade. The duke had the kite sent over the rock — luckily for the inven- tor, who had put himself in the sack, the string broke just as he was lifted off the ground. Public Characters, 1803, \.p. 234. Marg. AnspacVs Life. Bostapaslte was not quite satisfied with Massena's giving up Genoa before every soul in the city had perished, or, as he wrote, until " toute la ville etoit un tombeau ,•" yet, from policy, he trusted him with the command over the army of Italy after the battle of Marengo. But Massena did not preserve this command longer than a month ; in which short time* however, he added to his for- 59 tune another million of livres. After repeated complaints, he was disgraced and recalled to give an account of his financial transactions hoth at Genoa and in Lombard}'. On his arrival at Paris,, he was strongly reprimanded hy the first consul, in the presence of several general officers as pure as himself ; hut his droll, and not ironical answer, calmed the anger of Bonaparte, and silenced thje envy of his enemies and fellow-plunderers.* Revolutionary Plutarch, p. 317. In a considerable portion of North America it is a fundamental principle of education never to heat a child, whether male or female. When the child commits a fault the mother hegins to cry, and her tears have a more powerful effect than every other sort of correction. When the fault recurs, the greatest correction is, to throw a glass of water in the child's face. Segur on Women., v. 2, p. 32$. Julius C^esaii. — As he passed along through a little poor towne situate within the Alpes, his * When Bonaparte had finished his philippic, Massena told him with a submissive air : Je suis un voleur ; and, fixing him, he said, Tu es un voleur. Looking next at general Murat, he continued, It est un voleur ! then, regarding the whole circle of generals, he exclaimed, JVbus sommes des voleur s ; bowing to them all, he added, Vous etes des voleur s / and in retiring, he said, Oui, Citoyen Constd, Us sont des voleurs — Des republicains Francois tel est le caraetere ! See Les Nouvelles a la Main, Ven- demiaire, an x. No. iii. p. 7. €6 60 familiar friends about him, merrilly asked one ! another whether there were any factions and con- tentions in that burrough, about superioritie, and, namely, who should be the chief ? whereupon he staid suddenly ; and after he had studied and mused a while within himself; I had rather (quoth he) be the first here than the second in Rome. Holland's Plutarch, p. 441. Carolus Pcgxat:, the great duke of Bur- gundy, made H. Holland, late duke of Exeter, exiled, run after his horse like a lacquey, and would take no notice of him. Burton, from Cominens. Paocioy, the son of Phocus, who had often headed the armies of his country, was condemned to die, and was about to drink the cup of hemlock, in prison ; when, on the lictor handing it to him, his trends asked him if he had any charge to his son ? * Yes,' he replied, 6 1 command him not to remember, against the Athenians, the cup which I am going to drink.' JEliaii's Various Bistort/, p. 398. Besides the common fiacres and two-wheeled calessini, drawn by a single horse, sedan chairs where used in Palermo, where, however, they were not only employed for the living, but the dead. The observe!' meets almost every day a funeral (consist- ing merely of a sedan chair) of which there is scarcely any appearance externally. When I first arrived at Palermo, I looked into one of them, in the eager expectation of seeing a well dressed girl, 61 ^ or a lovely woman; but my consternation was in« finite, when I beheld a gastly and livid corps ! I hurried back as speedily as I was able, and never was again tempted to examine any other of those vehicles during my stay at Palermo,-— much less to be borne in one of them. Dr. Hager's Picture of 'Palermo , p. 37. Joh^t de Medicis, that rich Florentine, when lie lay upon his death-bed, calling his sons Cosmus and Laurence before him, amongst other sober say- ings, repeated this : It doth me good to think yet, though I be dying, that I shall leave you, my child- ren, sound and rich ; for wealth sways all. JBur ton's Anat. JHelan. Ax official report, published at Genoa, by citi- zen Goffredini, in July, 1800, mentions, that during the blockade and siege of that city, and in sixty- two skirmishes and sorties, 4266 Frenchmen were made prisoners, 5052 were killed, and 6012 wounded ; 9544 Austrians were made prisoners, and upwards of that number killed. Of an epide- mic fever which raged in the city, 3706 French- men died in the hospitals, and %1. ~ in private houses ; of the inhabitants, 6384 died by the fever ; £0,493 by famine, and 196 were killed or wound- ed from the fire of the besiegers. So numerous were the ill-fated victims of a cruel duty, which forced Massena to regard with seeming indiffer- ence the ravages of pestilence, famine, and death within, and the assaults, bombardments, and firing from without. It would scarcely be possible to 62 believe, that a man so situated could think of * amassing treasure, and of adding pillage to other evils, were it not affirmed in the above quoted re- port, that during the time Jllassena commanded in Genoa, he accumulated, by reqiusitions from the living, and confiscations after death, tlie enor- mous sum of two millions five hundred thousand livres / / / JR evolutionary Plutarch, p. 316. Pleasure ! — It was the remark of Langier, formerly a physician at the court of Vienna, that " at twenty-five, we kill pleasure ; at thirty, we enjoy it ; at forty, we husband it ; at fifty, we hunt after it ; and at sixty, we regret it !' — He was (ob- serves Dutens) the St. Evremond of Vienna. Nobody had more deeply studied the art of being happy ; and none better knew how to enjoy hap- piness, or to make others acquainted with it. Univ. Mag. v. 7, p. 227. The following anecdote of Mr. Whitfield has been often related by Mr. Parsons, who for so many years entertained the most crowded audiences at Brury Lane theatre with his eomic powers. This favourite of the town, having taken a walk on a Sunday evening along Tottenham Court Road, was induced by the example of a rushing mul- titude to fitep into the Tabernacle at the time Whitfield was in aU his glory. The preacher was dealing oxit damnation with uplifted hands. At length, getting on the subject of carnal desires, lie congratulated himself that the women of his fiock were all purity, modesty, and virtue. " Thank 63 God for this !" exelaimed he : u yes, my flock are the chosen, the elect ; and did I think there was a w — e among you, Fd instantly fling this hible at her head." — The women, who had been paying partic- ular attention to the latter part of the sermon, see- ing him, as he spoke those words, lift up a tremen- dous bible, and knowing that his action was always the most forcible part of his oratory, wrought upon by the menace as by an electrical shock, drew them- selves up in a ludicrous attitude, to evade the blow. " Oh, oh !" said he, " I see how it is ! What then, you are all w — es ! are ye !" Light Reading at Leisure Hours > p. 289. Bonaparte presided one day in the senate, and taking out by non chalance his pocket handker- chief, some letters dropped on the floor, which the senators strived who should be foremost to pick up. Being returned to the Corsican, be said with a con- temptuous sneer : " Never mind, they are of no consequence, being only some letters from Alexan- der and Frederick (the emperor of Russia and the king of Prussia,) who teaze me almost to death with their troublesome correspondence. Look," continued he, " Alexander writes a better hand than Frederick ;" but, on searching in his pocket for another letter, (< Francis, (the emperor of Ger- many) writes worse than either !" Lea JVbtt- velles a la Main, Jlfessidor, an. 12, p. 9, 10. When Peter the Great was in England, he vis- ited our courts of law, where he was so disgusted with legal sophistry, and carping, quibbling conn- 64 sellors, that on his return home, finding he had two lawyers near his court, he hanged the one and banished the other. Hague's Letters to Garrotv. It had been announced at Bologna that an e- elipse of the sun would take place at two o'clock in the afternoon. The people assembled in the public square to see it, and impatient at its not commencing as soon as they wished, they loudly called for it as they would for an actor absenting himself. At length it began, and as the clouds prevented them from observing it distinctly, they began to hiss with all their might, because the spectacle had fallen short of their expectations. Corinna by Mad. De Siael Holstein, v. 3, p. 377. The duke of Guise coming to me one day, said that they should never be happy in France till those of the religion* were rooted out : I answer- ed that I wondered to hear him say so ; and the duke demanding why, I replied that whensoever those of the religion were put down, the turn of the great persons and governors of the provinces of that kingdom would be next. Ld. Herbert's Life by himself. The duke de Nivernois was intimately acquaint- ed with the countess de Kochfort, and never omit- ted going to see her a single evening. As she was a widow, and he a widower, one of his friends ob- served to him, that it would be more convenient * The Reformed Religion. 65 for him to marry the lady. c I have often thought so,' replied the duke, * but one thing prevents me : in that case, where could I pass my even- ings ?' Dutens* Memoirs. Epitaph in a country church-yard near Aberdeen, Scotland. Here lies I, Martin Elmrod, Have mercy on my soul, gude God, As I would have on thine ! Gin I were God, And thou wert Martin Elmrod. Mirror of Wit % p. 45, Aptcius the Roman, when he cast up his ac- counts, and found hut 100,000 crowns left, mur- dered himself for fear he should be famished to death. Burl. Anat. Melan. Philip asked Dionysius, Low it was, that when he had received from his father so large an empire, he had not preserved it ? He answered, not very wide of the truth, " Because ray father left me all things, hut the good fortune with which he obtain- ed and kept it."* ^Elian's Various History, p. 599. Qttack Doctors ! — What metamorphoses, to those who remember the thespian-like exhibitions formerly held on Tower-Hill, and the strolling * Dionysius, the tyrant of Sicily, was the son of Diony- sius ; he lost his kingdom by his cruelty, and retired to Corinth, where he kept a school and taught boys their letter*. Uptoa» 66 peregrinations of empirics : — the sledges of quack doctors are now transformed into carriages, their jack-puddings are improved into livery-servants, and newspapers, instead of cryers, proclaim their feats ! ! ! Univ. Mag. p. 127. A gentleman just returned from his travels said to his friend, ( Have you ever seen a man in green hreeches, with brown stockings and red clocks ?' ' No, sir.' ' Nor a woman in pink slip- pers, her stockings black, and the clocks yellow V c No, sir. 5 * Men wearing ear-rings, and women carrying ridicules ?' ' I do not know what you mean.' 6 Why then you have never been at la Yille Unique, the city of fine taste, Paris. 3 Holer of? s Travels. Is" contemplating the latter years of the justly revered Milton, we are taught the most animating lesson, which biography can supply. We there behold ( to what noble use a cultivated and relig- ious mind may convert even declining life, though embittered by a variety of afflictions, and darkened by personal calamity.' It was in that state, and while Milton was em- ployed upon subjects which often raised his soul to heaven, that Charles II. and his brother James called upon the poet for the express purpose of in- sulting him in his misfortunes. c You are now suffering,' said the popish bigot, e the just reward of your crimes, you old ruffian : divine vengeance )ias at length overtaken you, and put out both your eyes.' s I csnjaot say,' reptte4 Milton, calmly, 67 c whether it has pleased the Almighty to punish me -with blindness on account of my sins ; but if mif sufferings are to be attributed to this cause, think what must have been the crimes of your father, whom the same Providence punished -with death.'* The unmanly railers were struck dumb : they sneaked away in confusion, and never after dared to pollute with their foul breath the at- mosphere of consci'uis dignity. Light Reading at Leisure Hours y p. 79. MAXTMS. Every body loves virtuous persons, whereas the vicious do scarce love one another. I conceive it a fine study and worthy a gentle- man to be a good botanique. Whosoever considers the study of anatomy, I believe will never be an atheist, the form of man's body and the coherence of his parts being so strange and paradoxal, that I hold it to be the greatest miracle of nature. He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself, for every man hath need of forgiveness. Nothing ever gave my mind more ease than when I had forgiven my enemies. It will be better for every man to prefer a well- favoured, wholesome woman, though with a tawny complexion, before a besmeared and painted face. Cicero in my opinion is too long and tedious, and QuiutlHaa too short and concise. Z»d. Herbert of Qhe.rhury. 68 It requires great ability and a strong heart, to know when to tell truth and to dare to do it. Therefore it is the weaker sort of politicians who are the greatest dissemblers. Ld. Bacon. The empress once said to the duke de Bragan- za, « The sight of this hall always affects me to such a degree, that I am sometimes ready to shed tears : a long time ago, a very interesting scene took place here.* I asked the duke, the same night, what that event was ; and he related to me the following circumstance : — When the empresi queen was so closely pursued by her enemies, that there wa6 hardly a city in Germany in which she eould remain with safety, she retired to Pre^burg, and assembled her states. She was then young, of a fine figure, and of dazzling beauty. She appear- ed in the midst of the Palatines of Hungary in a black robe, but with all the splendour of hsr per- sonal charms : her son, who was then two or three years old, was in her arms. When she had taken her place upon the throne, and the assembly had become silent, she rose ; and giving her son to one of her ladies of honour, addressed them in the Latin language (which she spoke extremely well) and represented to them in pathetic terms her unfortu- nate situation. She was so deeply affected while she was delivering this discourse, that she drew tears from the eyes of these brave nobles : but when she said that she had no resource except in their zeal, and that she had come to implore their help, the Palatines could restrain their feelings no longer j but without suffering her to conclude, they 69 all rose up at the same instant, and drawing their swords, cried out with an unanimous voice, 'JVlo* riemvr pro rege nostra Maria Theresa — xve "will die for our king Maria Theresa /* and they immediately brought into the field an army which re-established her upon the throne of her ancestors. Dutens 9 Memoirs, v. 2, p. 231. The avidity of Peter the Great, czar of Mus- covy, to learn every thing useful, was often carried to the most ridiculous excess. Virtue itself has its stated limits, beyond which it ceases to be virtue. In the same manner, Peter's wisdom may in some sort be said to have frequently degenerated into weakness and folly. Of this, the following instance frill be a sufficient illustration. It happened that a French dentist arrived at Petersburg during the reign of this extraordinary savage, and obtained his permission to draw the teeth of the poor gratis in the market-place, which the quack performed with such wonderful dexter* ity, that the czar became his pupil. After a very short apprenticeship, the czar thought himself sufficiently instructed to act as a master tooth-drawer, and immediately tried his skill and dexterity upon some poor Russians, who were very liberally rewarded for indulging his foi- ble, though it cost many a one the loss of a jaw. Not content with relieving the pains of his mean- est subjects, the czar persuaded many noblemen to * This was the expression which the Palatines made use of, in spitr of gram mar ; so strongly are they attached to the idea of b*ing governed by kings. 70 i permit him to operate on their teeth, when they had the tooth-ache. Count Rousonmusky, son to the field-marshal of that name, had done something to incur his sove- reign's displeasure ; and the czar had vowed, if he came into his presence, to cane him very severe- ly. As the czar had killed several Russians hy punishing them in this manner, the old field-mar- shal sent every where in the environs of the court, to warn his son against appearing hefore his en- raged sovereign ; and the danger appeared so im- minent, that a post-chaise and six was provided to earn- the young count and his spouse to their estate in Lifland, there to wait till the czar could be pre- vailed upon to grant his pardon. Very late in the evening, the young count was found, and brought home to his father and spouse, who jointly used every argument and entreaty to persuade hira to set off directly, in order to escape death. ' You are mistaken, sir,' said he to his father, c when you thank my life in such jeopardy : I shall act quite contrary to what you desire, and go instantly to the czar. I am persuaded I shall escape with a small punishment ; for I know his weak side.' Thus resolved, away went young Rousonmusky to court. As soon as the czar saw him, he ran to get a large oak plant which he kept for such pur- poses, and would probably have killed the count ; but perceiving him holding a handkerchief to his mouth, he asked him the reason. ' I am in great agony with the tooth-ache.* ' If that is the case, sit down on my chair, and I'll soon relieve you.' Accordingly the count placed himself; and the 71 czar, having his apparatus at hand, drew a sound tooth, which the count pretended was the cause of his pain. The great Peter forgot his anger, on the count's acknowledging in how masterly a manner he had extracted the tooth ; and young Rouson- ► musky was immediately re-established in his sove- reign's favour, to the infinite surprise and satisfac- tion of his wife and his father, who had given him up for dead. Light Reading at Leisure Hoars, p. 319. Geohge I. was separated from his wife ; and there was no queen in his reign. He had two mistresses. One was Miss Schulenberg, after- wards created dutchess of Kendal, a tali, thin gaw- ky. The other was the countess of Platen who was created countess of Darlington ; and who, for size, might have been compared to an elephant and castle. This couple of rabbits occasioned much jocularity on their first importation. Walpoliana, v. l } p. 59. The following humorous anecdote is taken from Chaesaneux. "When this gentleman was an advocate at Autun, , the country swarmed with such multitudes of rats, that a famine was feared. Human means appear- ed insufficient, and resort was had to supernatural aid : — the grand vicar was required to excommuni- cate the rats. Complaint against the rats was made by the Pra- moleur, and they were summoned to appear. The time allowed being expired., a writ of default was - 72 sued for, and sentence about to be passed, when the grand vicar appointed Chas&aneux as counsel for the rats. He alleged thst being dispersed through nu- merous villages, a first summons was insufficient, and that notice ought to have been publicly given them in all the churches. This occasioned delay. Not yet appearing, he pleaded the length and inconvenience of the journey, and the evident dan- ger of death from their sworn enemies, the cats, which were diligently guarding all the passes. He eoncluded with describing the injustice of general proscription, which involved parent and child, in- nocent and guilty. He gained great fame on this occasion, and laid the foundation of his future grandeur. Hclcroffs Travels. The various forms of worship which prevailed in the Roman world were all considered by the people, as equally true ; by the philosopher, as equally false ; and by the magistrate as equally useful. And this toleration produced not only mutual indulgence, but religious concord. Gibbon's Rise and Fall, v. 1, p. 1. Swift, in his journies on foot from Dublin to London, was accustomed to stop for refreshment, or rest, at the neat little ale-houses on the road's sides. One of these, between Dunchurch and Daventry, was formerly distinguished by the sign of ti U e crosses, in reference to the three inter- Secti : ys, which fixed the site of the house. At this the dean called for his breakfast : but the 7B landlady, being engaged with accommodating her more constant customers, some waggoners, and staying to settle an altercation which unexpectedly arose, keeping him waiting, and inattentive to his repeated exclamations, he took from hi3 pocket a diamond, and wrote on every pane of glass in her bettermost room : TO THE LAJTBLQRD. There hang three crosses at thy door : Hang up thy wife, and shell make four. S-mftiana, v. % p. 3\ Salmasxtts (the great literary antagonist of Milton) was a Frenchman, and was unhappily mar- ried to a cold. " Tu es," says Milton, "Galium et, ut aiunt, nimhim gallinaceus." Dr. Johnson. Priestley, Under the delusive idea that the go- vernment of Britain was conducted by tyranny^ strengthened by his Own peculiar political and re- ligious principles, settled in an inhospitable region in America, but was soon obliged to draw a sad contrast between this and his native land : he fell into a deep melancholy and died of a broken heart. Ashe's Trav. in A?ner. v. l,p. 69. Cabdinal Wolsey had drawn up d draught, of certain conditions between France and England- and he asked Sir T. More's counsel therein, be- seeching him, if there were any thing therein to be disliked, * and he spoke this so heartily,' said Sir Thomas ' that I believed verily that he was will* D 74* ing to hear my advice indeed. 5 But when Sir Thomas had dealt really therein, and shewed that the draught might have been amended, he sudden- ly rose in a rage, and said, * By the mass, thou art the veriest fool of all the council.' At which Sir Thomas, smiling, said, ( God be thanked that the king our master hath but one foel in all his council !' Erasmus. Other nations may deluge their land with blood, in struggling for liberty and equality ; but let it never be forgotten by ourselves, and let us im- press the observation upon the hearts of our child- ren, that we are in possession of both, of as much of both as can be consistent with the end for which civil society was introduced amongst mankind. Dr. Watson, Bishop of Landajf. To some one who was complaining of his want of memory, Johnson said, * Pray, sir, do you ever forget what money you are worth, or who gave you the last kick on your shins that you had ? Now, if you would pay the same attention to what you read as you do to your temporal concerns and your bodily feelings, you would impress it as deeply in your memory.' Jjiograpldana, p. 58. Lapt Wobtuey Montagus was a play-fel- low of a friend of mine when both were children. She was always a dirty little thing. This habit continued with her. When at Florence, the grand duke gave her apartments in his palace. One room sufficed for every thing. When she went 75 away, the stench was so strong, that they were obliged to fumigate the chamber with vinegar for a week. WalpQliana> v. 1, p. 3. Preville the comedian, and some others (a- mong whom was, I believe, the count d'Albaret) frequently diverted themselves with the simplicity of Poinsinet, the poet ; who, in other respects, was not deficient in talents. One day Preville came to him in great haste, to acquaint him that the office of the king's screen was just vacant : and added, that he would do well to solicit for it. Poinsinet asked what it was : the other told him, that the king did not use common screens, like private in- dividuals ; but that he always employed a man of wit, to place himself between the kmg and the fire, in whatever part of the room his majesty might be, in order to save him the trouble of removing the screen ; and that, besides, when the king was low- spirited, or was fatigued by his application to busi- ness, he diverted himself by conversing with his screen ; who, by that means, frequently had an opportunity of speaking a good word for his friends, or in favour of any other person whom he wished to serve, which made the office both important and lucrative. Poinsinet, delighted, asked what he had to do. Nothing, said the other, but to try if you are able to fulfil the functions of a screen. A day being fixed, a dinner was ordered at a tavern : six of their common friends met there ; a great fire was made ; and, during dinner, they kept poor Poinsinet standing before the fire-place, encourag- ing him to support the extreme heat of the fire.. D 2 which they unmercifully kept stirring all the time* by representing to him the advantages of the office, each begging of him to procure him some favour. They continued this cruel sport till the little man, who was half roasted, declared with great regret, that he despaired of ever being able properly to fulfil the functions of king's screen. Dutens* Memoirs, v. 3, p. 175. In the year 1718, a sermon preached before George I. in the Chapel Royal, and published at his majesty's command, by Dr. Hoadley, then bish- op of Bangor, gave no small degree of offence to such of the clergy as were more actuated by bigot- ry and furious zeal, than by the genuine spirit of the christian system. The text was the famous de- claration of Jesus to Pilate, in the thirty-sixth verse and eighteenth chapter of John — ■ My king- dom is not of this world;' and the object of the discourse was to prove, 'that the kingdom of Christ, and the sanction by which it is supported, were of a nature wholly intellectual and spiritual : —that the church, taking the term in its utmost latitude of signification, did not and could not possess the slightest degree of authority, under any commission or pretended commission, derived from him : — that the church of England, and all other national churches, were merely civil or human insti- tutions, established for the purposes of diffusing and perpetuating the knowledge and belief of Chris- tianity ; which contained a system of truths, not in their nature differing from other truths, except by their superior weight and importance : and which 77 were to be inculcated in a manner analagous to other truths, demanding only, from their more in- teresting import, proportionally higher degrees of care, attention, and assiduity in the promulgation of them. The alarm excited by such plain and rational doctrines is almost incredible. On a meeting of the convocation, a committee was appointed to examine the offensive sermon ; and a representa- tion was quickly drawn up, in which a heavy cen- sure was passed upon it, as tending to subvert all government and discipline in the church of Christ, —to reduce his kingdom to a state of anarchy and confusion,— «to impugn and impeach the royal su- premacy in matters ecclesiastical, and the authority of the legislature to enforce obedience in matters of religion by civil sanctions. Fortunately for the bishop, the reign of persecution and prejudice was over in England : the sentiments of the monarch on the throne were not less favourable to civil and religious liberty than those of the preacher ; and his majesty put an immediate stop to the inquisito- rial proceedings of the convocation by proroguing it ; and, from that period, it has never been con- vened but as a mere matter of form, and for the purpose of being again prorogued. Light Reading- at Leisure Hours,p. 270. Socjc after Gibbon published his last volume, he attended at the duke of Cumberland's levee, who saluted him with this elegant flattery : c What ! JMr. Gibbon, still scribble, scribble ?' Walpgliana, Biog. Sketch, v. 1, pref. 12. D 3 78 Barbels in all ages have been noted newsmon- gers : Plutarch has a few instances of their garulity. Pratlers undo themselves without any cause or pre- tence at all of reason : like as it befell unto Denys the tyrant's barber : for when there were some talking in his shop touching his tyrannical govern- ment, and that it was as hard to l)e overthrown, as it is to breake the diamond : the said barber laugh- ing thereat : I marvel (quoth he) that you should £ay so of Denys, who is so often under my hands and at whose throat, in a manner, every day I hold the razor : these words were soon carried to the tyrant Denys, who faire crucified this barber, and hang- ed him for his foolish words. And to say a trueth, all the sort of these barbers be commonly busie fel- lowes with their tongues, and no marvell, for lightly the greatest praters and idlest persons in a coun- trey frequent the barber's shop, and sit in his chair, where they keep such chat, that it cannot be, but by hearing them prate so customably, his tongue also must walke with them. And therefore king Archelaus answered very pleasantly unto a barber of his, that was a man of no few words, who when he had cast his linen cloth about his shoulders, said unto him : Sir, may it please your highnesse to tell me how I shall cut or shave you ? marry (quoth he) by holding thy tongue and saying not a word. Holland's Plutarch, p. 200. When Yanieivicz f rst came into this country, he lived at the west end of the town. One day, after paying several visits, he found himself a little 79 out of his latitude, and called a hackney, when this dialogue ensued : Coachman.— (shutting the door) Where to, sir ? Yan. — Home — mon ami — you go me home. Coachman. — Home, sir, where's that ? Yan. — By gar, I know no — de name of the dam street has echape, has escaped out of my memory : I have forgot him. Yat shall I do ? Coachman. — (grins.) Yan. — Ah ! you are gay — come now — you un- derstand de musique. — Eh ! Coachman — Music — what's that to do with the street ? Yan. — Ah ! voas verrez — you shall see— (hums a tune) — Vat is dat? Coachman. — Mollbrooh. Yan. — Ah ! by gar — dat is him* — Malbro'-street —now you drive-a me home. — Eh ! This is a fact. We have often heard that c mu- sic hath charms 9 to do many clever things, but this i6, I believe, the first time of its instructing a hack- ney coachman where he was to set down. M. Mirror, p. 222. Philo-fux. Henry IV. of France was of so generous a na- ture, that he ordered Vitry, captain of the body- guards, to receive into his company the man who wounded him at the battle of Aumale. The Mars* chal d'Estrees being one day in the king's coach, while the soldier was riding by the side of it, he pointed to him, and said, c There is the soldier who wounded me at the battle of Aumale.' Walpo\iana } v. 2, p. 100. d4 8§ 1$ the times' of popery, belis were baptized and anointed. They were exorcised and blessed by the bishop, from a belief, that when these cere- monies were performed, they had power to drive the devil out of the air, to calm tempests, to ex- tinguish £re, and to recreate even the dead. Oxoniania, v. 1, p* 14. HAXIMS. Mysteries belong to the silent. — Lord Bacon. Provision is the foundation of hospitality, and thrift the fuel of magnificence. Sidney. Nothing weighs so heavily as gratitude, when one owes it to the ungrateful. JMarmoniel. The king of a faction is but the sovereign of half of hit people. Goldsmith. King Rexky took just offence that cardinal WoJsey set his own arras above the king's, on the gate-house, at the entrance into the college ; but to humble the cardinal's pride, some afterwards set up on a window a painted mastiff dog;, gnaw- ing the spate*-bone of a shoulder of mutton, to minde the cardinal of his extraction, being the son •f a butcher. Fuller. Woes Swift was at Holyhead, waiting for a fair wind to sail for Ireland, one Weldon, an old sea- taring man, sent him a letter, that he had found out the longitude, and would convince him of it; to which the dean answered in writing, that if he had found It out, he must apply to the lords of the ad- 81 miralty, of whom, perhaps, one might be found who knew something of navigation, of which he was totally ignorant ; and that he never knew hut two projectors, one of whom (meaning his uncle Godwin) ruined himself and family, and the other hanged himself ; and desired him to desist, lest one or the other might happen to him. Sxviftiana, v. l,p. 177, An alderman* of Paris was lamenting, in the presence of an officer, the severe lot of military men. " It must he confessed," said he, " that you* gentlemen pf the sword lead a life of hardships." — w Your pardon, sir," replied the officer very seri- ously ; ei we rise early to be sure, and spend the first three or four hours in fighting ; but then you mast know, that we have all the rest of the day to amuse ourselves." JDutens* Memoirs, v. 1. p. 32; A tailoh, grown tired of his shop -board, where he had long been hatching fanatical innovations,, took a bold spring from his seat to the pulpit, and soon acquired great popularity verbosis strophis, by loquacious canting. Elated with the success of his harangues among the swinish multitude, he took it into his head to attempt the conversion of the dean of St. Patrick's to the true faith. Swift, who was very easy of access, one morning while in his study ^ saw, through a glass-door which opened into the anti-chamber, his footman conducting the tailor^ who had a great bible under his arm, and who, o& * In French, Echevirp, D 5 82 being admitted, thus announced his purpose : " i am come," said he, " hy the order of Jesus Christ, to open your eyes, to enlighten your darkness, and to tea~h you the proper application of talents which you ave so long abused." — " Indeed, my good trie j," replied the dean, who knew the tailor, c * " im inclined to believe that you are commis- si .med by heaven, as you come so critically to re- lieve the perplexed state of my mind at this very instant." The tailor already exulted in the certain- ty of success. (i You are well acquainted, no doubt," continued Swift, u with that passage in the tenth chapter of the Revelation of St. John, where he describes a mighty angel coming down from heaven, with a rainbow on his head, a book open in his hand, and setting Ms right foot upon the sea, and his left foot on the earth. I am quite at a loss how to calculate the extent of such a stride ; but I know it immediately lies in the line of your trade to tell me, how many yards of cloth would make a pair of breeches for that angel ?" The tailor's confusion could only be equalled by the precipitancy of his retreat. Light Heading 1 at Leisure Hours, p. 295. Loac Eveltx Stuart, son of the earl of Bute, and an officer of the guards, wore long mustaches,, and appeared thus in the house of commons, of which he was a member. One day Mr. C y thus addressed him : u My lord, now (he war is over, won't you put your mustaches on the peace establishment ?" — " I do not exactly know whether I shall do that," replied his lord- 83 ship ; ' but, meanwhile, I would advise you to put your tongue on the civil list. 9 The commons were at this time debating on the payment of the civil list. JDuiensiana, p. 277, A traveller being come to Sparta for to see the citie, stood upright a long while upon one foot onley, and said unto a Laconian, I doe not think thou canst stand so long on one leg as I do : Not I indeed (quoth the other) but there is not a goose but can do as much. Holland's Plutarch, p. 470. Our mountain-wine comes from the mountains around Malaga. Tent is Tinto, tinged or red wine, Sherry from Xerxes (the Spanish X is pronounced sh or ch 9 J in the south of Spain, where the great battle was fought between the Christians and Sara- cens, that ended in the conquest of Spain by the latter. Malmsey was from Malvasia in Peloponnesus. This rich wine was afterwards propagated at AIL- eant, the Canaries, and Madeira. Walpoliana, v. 2>p. 8$, One Mrs. Mapp, a famous she bone-setter and mountebank, coming to town with a coach and 3ix horses, on the Kentish road, was met by a rab- ble of x>eople, who, seeing her very oddly and taw- drily dressed, took her for a foreigner, and conclud- ed she must be a certain great person's mistress. Upon this, they followed the coach, bawling out, No Hanover whore \ No Hanover whore } The 2)6 84 iady within tlie coacli was much offended, let down the glass, and screamed louder than any of them, she was no Hanover whore — she was an iEnglish one ! Upon which they cried out, God bless your ladyship ! quitted the pursuit, and wish- ed her a good journey. Siviftiana, v. I, p. 119. Ax English penny placed out at compound inter- est, at the rate of 5 per cent, at the hirth of Christ, would, in 1786, have produced the enormous sum of 290,991,000000,000000,000000,000000,000000/. St. ; which would make about one hundred and ten millions of our earth in solid gold. At single in- terest, it would have produced on 7s. Gd. ! Diitensiana 9 p. 72; Lewis XI. of France was as whimsical as he was cruel and arbitrary. The abbe de Baynes, a man of great wit, having invented many things re- lating to musical instruments, was introduced to Lewis, and retained by him in his service. One day the king, imagining the thing to be absolutely impossible, commanded the abbe to procure him harmonious sounds from the cries of hogs. The abbe, like a true courtier, did not seem surprised ftt the proposal ; but said the matter was feasible, if a great deal of money were advanced to enable him to perform it. The king ordered the money demanded to be immediately paid him ; and desir- ed the abbe to set about it without delay : he did so, and effected the most surprising concert ever heard. He got together a number of hogs of dif- ferent ages, and placed them in a tent or pavilion 85 covered with velvet, before which he fixed a wood- en, painted table, representing the front of a large organ. He then contrived an instrument behind it, with a certain number of stops, so artfully made, that, when he touched the keys belonging to the stops, they answered to so many spikes, which pricking the hogs, that stood up behind within the tent in due order, made them produce such ( a concord of sweet sounds,' that the king was ex- tremely delighted, and very amply rewarded the inventor of this singular piece of music. Liglit Heading at Leisure Hoars, p. 317. Description of a marriage-feast, given by a wealthy young man of Athens, during the reign of Trajan. To this entertainment, persons of different sects, *ges, and rank, friends and foes, had been invited ; neither expense nor labour was spared, to fill the rooms, and cover the tables with the most dainty viands, and the choicest Amines. At tbe hour appointed, the guests assembled. Jt will not be necessary to describe their disputes for precedency, which occasioned considerable de- lay, and their reclining, it being their fashion to lie sideways instead of the more comfortable mode of sitting at table on a chair. Soon after they bad taken their places, a noisy and impudent cynic, throwing open the door, rude- ly marched in ; the master of the house was con- siderably surprised and chagrined, but aware of the restive nature of the beast, endeavoured to sooth his surliness by gentle language, made him Wei- 86 come, And observing that it was friendly thus td drop in without the ceremony of an invitation, ask- ed him to lie doian at table. 'Do you think I am so effeminate,' replied the brute, ' that I cannot satisfy my appetite as I stand ? If I feel inclined to eat, I cau take my din- ner as I walk, or if I chuse I can lie on the ground, which was thought soft enough by Hercules.' He at last condescended to pick with his fingers out of the dishes, any dainty morsel that he liked, as he stalked up and down the room, exclaiming, between each mouthful, against the extravagance and glut- tony of feasting. Under a mistaken idea of keeping him quiet, the servants were ordered to serve him plentifully with the strongest wine, which rendered him outrageous and troublesome ; the majority of the company al- so began to be merry ; songs, jokes, recitations, and droll stories, kept the table in a roar. Buffoons were also introduced, who, by the pre- posterous singularity of their dress, words, and ac- tions, occasioned considerable laughter ; the cynic, provoked that v. 17, p. 467. Voltaire has the merit of having discovered the physical cause of the superiority of the English at 91 sea. The natives of the south of Europe navigate smooth seas : those of the north are frozen up dur- ing the -winter ; but the English seas are navigated in long, dark, stormy nights, when nothing hut great skill, and incessant exertion, can preserve the vessel. Hence arises a degree of confidence in their sailors, which is almost incredible ; the greater the danger, the greater is the activity. Instead of shrinking from toil, every man is at his post. Hav- ing no faith in miracles for their deliverance, they al- most work miracles to deliver themselves ; and in- stead of preparing for death, strain every sinew to avoid it. Added to this confidence, they have also in war that which arises from constant success. The English sailor feels that he is master of the sea. Whatever he sees is to do him homage. He is always on the look-out, not with the fear of an enemy before his eyes, but like a strong pirate, with the hope of gain ; and when going into action witk an equal, or even superior force, he calculates his profits as certainly as if the enemy were already taken. i There,' said the master of a frigate, when the captain did not choose to engage a supe- rior French foree, beeause he had a convoy in charge — c there,' said he with a groan ; ' there's $e\en hundred pounds lost to me for ever.' As for fear, it is not in their nature. One of these men went to see a juggler exhibit his tricks ; there happened to be a quantity of gun-powder in the apartment underneath, which took fire, and blew up the house. The sailor was thrown into the gar- den behind, where he fell without being hurt. He stretched tiis arms and legs, got up, shook himself, rubbed his eyes, and then cried out, conceiving what had happened to be only a part of the per- formance, and perfectly willing to go through the whole, 'D— n the fellow, I wonder what the devil he will do next.' Letters on England. The name of God has often been oddly misap- plied. I have got a warming-pan that belonged to Charles IL and was probably used for the beds of his mistresses. It is inscribed, Serve God and live for ever. Walpoliana> v. 2, p. 155. Ax itch for punning was a constant attendant of Swift's. He dined one daj r in company with the lord keeper, his son, and their two ladies, with Mr. Ciesar, treasurer of the navy, at his house in the city. They happened to talk of Brutus, and Swift said something in his praise ; when it struck him immediately that he had made a blunder in doing so ; and therefore recollecting himself, he said, f Mr. Czsar, I beg your pardon* Stvlftiana, v. 1, p. 131. Bohn, a lieutenant-general in the Russian ser- vice, was of humble birth, but of an enterprising spirit j and, during the steps of rapid promotion, artfully concealed his boundless pride under the shew of unassuming merit. The moment he got* the general's staff, its touch seemed to efface from his mind all remembrance of his low parentage, and to extinguish in his heart every emotion of filial love. His poor mother, who had been left a widow in straitened circumstances, on hearing that her son, then high in military rank, was arrived at Copenhagen, set off with transport to give him joy, and clasp him in her fond arms, She called at his lodgings, and hearing that he was not at home, she desired the servants to tell their master that she was his mother, who was come from Bornholm on purpose to see him, and would call again next morning. Upon this information, the general flew into a great passion, saying, his mother had been dead many years ago, and that this must be some needy person or other, or, perhaps, out of her mind ; and ordered his aid-de-camp, if she called again, to give her ten ducats, and send her away, that he might not be farther troubled with her. The mother called next morning : the aid- de-camp did as he was directed, and offered her the ducats as his master's charity : she threw them indignantly on the ground, and said, with tears in her eyes, * I did not come here 1,0 beg charity, but to see my son ; and, since he can both deny and despise his mother, I shall return whence I came, and trouble him no more.* The upstart general's unnatural conduct soos became the subject of common conversation and common abhorrence, till at length it reached the ears of Catharine I. then empress of Russia, who sent for the woman, and on being fully satisfied that she was the general's mother, commanded him to appear before her. ' What,' said she to Bohn, ' are you ashamed of having had a minister for your father, and this amiable woman, his widow, for your mother, while I, though sprung from vas- roli;, «o far from blushing at, glory in, my humWe . 94 birth ? Look also at general Baur... think of his generous behaviour to all his relations, even of a mueh lower degree than yo'ur's. You are a mon- ster, and deserve to be treated as such ; but I do not forget your eminent services in the army. Set- tle immediately two hundred rubies a year on your mother, during her life ; and be grateful that my anger does not extend to any severer punishment.' Light Reading at Leisure Hours, p. 330. Indirect answers. — The count Alet, passing by Lyons, was conducted to the king's lieutenant, who asked him, ' My friend, what are they saying at Paris ?' The count answered him, c Mass? * But what noise is there ?' ' That of carriages? f I do not mean that ; what is new there ?' ? Green peas? ' My friend,' replied the lieutenant, tired of these evasive answers, * what is your name ?' The count answered him, ' Fools call me my dear friend, and at court I am called count Alet? Collectanea, p. 196. AxTiauARiANS of every description are liable to imposition, and none more so than the credulous in relics. The following from among a thousand ab- surdities may be adduced as a proof of this assertion. The church of St. Sophia, at Constantinople, they say, possesses one of the robes of our Lord,-— the end of the lance that pierced his side, — the sponge that was offered him to drink from, — and the reed that was put into his hand. I can only say that behind the choir, I was shewn the gridiron on which fit. Laurence was broiled, — and a large 95 stone in the shape of a wash-stand, on which they say, Abraham gave the angels to eat, when they were going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Brocquiere^s Travels, p. 222. Godwin and Wolstonecraft should have adopt- ed the following motto. Paracelsus may brag, that he could have made a man live 400 years or more, if he might bring him up from his infancy, and diet him as he list ; and some physicians hold that there is no certain peri- od of man's life, but it may still, by temperance and physic be prolonged. Burton 9 s Jkiat. Mel v. 1, p. 9. * I positively forbid,' said Richard Cromwell, to one of his adherents, who reproached him for not exerting himself with more vigour against the royal- ists, c I positively forbid the shedding the blood of a single man in my cause ; I would rather relin- quish the post I hold, than proceed to such unwar- rantable extremities ; I wish to retain my situation no longer than shall be consistent with the public good, and the wishes of those I govern.' During the short time that he was protector, the fanatic preachers, who enjoyed, or believed that they had enjoyed, the confidence of Oliver, accus- ed Richard of neglecting the godly and keeping company with the profane. First reproving thern for their intolerance-, he clapped his hand on the shoulder of an associate, and thus observed : ' And here is Dick Iugoldsby, who can neither preach 96 nor pray, yet I would rather trust him than the~ holiest man in your tribe.' In the decline of life, he exhibited an afflicting instance of the reverse of fortune ; being compelled by the unnatural conduct of his daughters, to ap- pear in the court of chancery^ before Sir John Holt, who at a certain time, during the reign of queen Anne, w\3 ehief justice, and first «ommis» eioner of the seal. On this occasion, that worthy judge felt for the unhappy parent, whose domestic affliction mnst have been aggravated by recollecting that he once possessed supreme power : Sir John placed the Old gentleman at his right hand on the bench, in- sisted that his hat should remain on his head, and after severely reprimanding the ingratitude of his children, who had endeavoured tG dispossess their father of his property, he made a decree in Rich- ard's favour, to the satisfaction of every one present, as well as the queen, to whom the matter had been misrepresented, but who highly approved of Sir John's behaviour, on his properly explaining it. Richard Cromwell carefully preserved, to the day of his death, two large trunks full of addresses, presented to him when protector, a short time only before he was deposed ; these, from the custom ary expressions used in such compositions, he called " the lives and fortunes of the people of England. Life of CromwelU Few men ever experienced more vicissitudes of fortune than the famous Alberoni. A bell-ringer it first starting in life ; next, a general's oonfiden- 97 fcial agent ; soon after a prime minister, a cardinal and archbishop ; then degraded, imprisoned, se- verely punished by the sacred college, relieved from penury by a foreign pension, and last of all made papal legate of Romagna. Here, even in old age, he could not avoid recurring to his favourite schemes of political intrigue ; and endeavoured to bring the little republic of San Marino, which bor- dered upon his government, under the dominion of the pope. The cardinal had so artfully gained over to his purpose some of the principal inhabit- ants, that the day was fixed, on which these repub- licans were to swear allegiance to the sovereign under whose protection they had put themselves. On the day appointed, Alberoni rides up the moun- tain with his suite, is received at the door of the ca- thedral by the priests and chief inhabitants of the place, and thence conducted to his seat under a canopy, to hear high mass and a Te Deuin sung. Unfortunately, however, for poor Albcroni 9 the m* ss began with the word Idbertas. This had such an effect upon the minds of the hearers, who began then, for the first time perhaps, to recollect their being about to lose the thing itself, that they fell upon the cardinal and his attendants, drove them out of the church, and made them scamper down the steep mountain of San Marino with more rapidity than that with which they ascended it Benedict XIV. shrewdly observed, on the occa- sion, s that Alberoni was like a glutton, who, after having eaten a large salmon, could not help cast- ing a wistful eye at a minnow.' Lixlit Reading ut Z/'ure Hours, p. 35& 98 Cehyetto, a performer on the violin at one of the London theatres, whose nose was unfortunate- ly the most prominent feature on his face, was the first cause of the exclamation with which most fre- quenters of theatres have been frequently annoy- ed, of ■ Play up, Nosey.' For this unlucky mal- formation he was persecuted by the galleries many years, and was actually at last compelled to aban- don the only means by which he was able to pro- cure a livelihood. Of this very inoffensive and respectable man, Mr. Garriek used to relate the following circumstance. In one of the most interesting scenes of a favourite part, when the attention of the whole house was rivettod on this excellent actor, the long-nosed mu- sician gave vent to a long yawn, and so loud, as to fce heard by every one. The manager was considerably vexed, and send- ing for the offender immediately after the play, de- manded an explanation. 6 I ask ten thousand pardons/ said the fiddler, in broken English, c i«t I always yawn extremely loud when any thing in- terests me very much.* With this artful apology, he left the room, after being told, that in future he must suppress so singular a symptom of approba- tion. When lady C was presented at court, his majesty George II. politely hoped, « that, since her arrival in England, she had been entertained with the gaieties of London.' 4 O yes, please your msjpsty, I have seen every • sight in Loudon, wo: . seeing, except a coronation.' 99 This nairete is certainly not equal to that of the English earl marshal, who, when his king found fault with some arrangement at his coronation, said — ' Please your majesty, I hope it will he bet- ter hext time.' Edgeworth on Irish Bulls, p. 32. The Dutch, in general, have had teeth ; whe- ther from the effect of the climate, or from the little care they take of them, I cannot tell. It is no uncommon thing to see young people of twen- ty-five, who have lost half their set of teeth ; and otheri who have none at all. Diitens' Memoirs, v. 3, p. 50. Of the amusements of modern young men, Swift gives the following description, which un- happily still has its application. Gaming, talking, swearing, drinking, Hunting, shooting, never thinking ; Chattering nonsense all day long, Humming half an opera song ; Chusing hauhles, rings, and jewels j Writing verses, fighting duels. Mincing words in conversation,. Ridiculing all the nation. Admiring their own pretty faces, As if possessed of all the graces ; And though no bigger than a rat, Peeping under each girl's hat. Sxviftiana, v. 1, p. 39. Damascus blades are the handsomest and hest of all Syria ; and it is curious to observe their S 2 100 manner of burnishing them. This operation is performed before tempering; and they have, for this purpose, a small piece of woodj in which is fixed an iron, which they rub up and down the blade, and thus clear it of all inequalities, as a plane does to the wood i they then temper and polish it. This polish is so highly finished, that when any one wants to arrange his turban, he uses his sword for a looking-glass. As to its temper, it is perfect, and I have nowhere seen swords that cut so excel- lently. There are made at Damascus, and in the ad- joining country, mirrors of steel, that magnify ob- jects like burning glasses. I have seen some that, when exposed to the sun, have reflected the heat so strongly as to set fire to a plank fifteen or six- teen feet distant. Brocquiere's Travels, p. 138. A tsavelleti was asked if he knew what was the best thing in this world ? e Liberty? answered he. The most pleasant ? c Gain.'' The least known ? 6 Good fortune? The worst ? ' Death? Who is the most happy man in the world ? ' The learn- ed man, who has riches and knows the use of them? The most unfortunate ? ' The poor old man? The most importunate ? ' The hard hearted creditor? The most dangerous ? e The ignorant physician? The most worthy of compassion ? ( The liar, -who is not believed when he tells the truth? Collectanea, p. 263* Louis the fourteenth beiag at war with Eng- land, during the proceeding with the Eddystone 101 Light-house, a French privateer took the men at work upon the rock, together with their tool3, and carried them to France ; and the captain was in expectation of a reward for the achievement. While the captives lay in prison, the transaction reached the ears of that monarch ; he immediately ordered them to be released, and the captors to he put in their places ; declaring, that though he was at war with England, he was not so with mankind. He therefore directed the men to he sent hack to their work, with presents ; observing, that c the Eddystone Light-house was so situated, as to be of equal service to all nations, having occasion to nav- igate the channel between England and France. 5 Naval Chronicle, v. 17, p. 120. Humours of Election. — * Hey day ! What is the matter ? Behold all the marks of invasion, or a civil war ! Windows broken, doors demolish- ed, sign -posts pulled down ! Here stands a man with a broken arm, and yonder go two or three more with bruised faces and black eyes ! Prithee, what have you been about ?' ' 'Leciioneering, sir,' answers an elderly man, to whom I addressed my inquiry. ' • Lectioneering — What do you mean by that, good man ?' ' Why, its going about to be made a Parliament man on ; and he that gets the most votes carries the day.' ' But I do not see the connexion, my honest friend,, between choosing Mr. A. or Mr. B 3 for your E 3 102 representative, and demolishing your town, or knocking one another on the head.' c Don't you ? Why then lean tell you, meisterf says the old gentleman, with a smile of contempt aimed at my ignorance, e these great fokes makes us little fokes drunk, and when we are drunk we fight, and when we fight we do mischief, that's all.' ' The greater fools you to make yourselves such heasts.' ( Xay, as to the matter of that, I think you great fokes ought to know better thai, to set us together by the ears, to serve their awn turns.* 6 And I think you ought to know better than to be set together by the ears by them.' 8 Lord, sir, if you could get your belly full of vittles and drink for nothing, and money given you into the bargin, you would now, I'll worrit you. There is the White Lion, and Greyhound, ?.r>d JBlackamcre i s Head, has been open for these three weeks successfully. Ale was given away by pails- full. You might go in and eat and drink till you burst again, at any time, and nobody would take no notice like.' 8 So then you are fond of the diversion, I find.* * Alack-a-day, sir ! I have lived in the town, and paid scott and let thirty -one years and three quarters, come Chrism as next : I've polled for eleven Parliament men, and have had my swill of ale and a broken pate every time, thank God.' * So I see these worthy gentlefolks first make beasts of you, and then claim the honour of being your representatives ; that's curious enough. But 103 pray tell me what these Parliament men are good for when you have them ?' * Good for, sir ! bless your heart, good for 1 Why, if it was not for them we should all he over- run with Papishes and Prespiterians, God knows/ ' And what harm would they do you ?' ' Lud, sir, how you talk ! why, they would knock us on the head, if we did not wear wooden shoes, and go to the Pantile house !' * So you knock one another on the head to pre- vent these calamities !' c Aye, til he sure. Thof I an't now the man J was, I'll fight for Old England as long as there's a drop of blood left in this old carcase of mine ; and Til stand up for the church too, agen all the Pres- piterians sons of b s in the nation, as long as my name's John Plodder^ that I wul : I'll be d — d if I don't !' With this pious exclamation honest John broke from us rather abruptly, and joining some of his associates at a little distance, raised a laugh upon us as we passed them. A few years ago, there was a fellow with a long beard in London, who professed himself to be the wandering Jew. He declared he had been with- Noah in the ark. Some person asked him which country he liked best of all that he had visited in his long peregrinations ; he answered, Spain, as perhaps a man would have done who had really seen all the world. But it was remarked, as rather extraordinary, that a Jew should prefer the country of the inquisition. e God bless you, sir,' replied e 4 104 the ready rogue, shaking his head, and smiling ait the same time, as if at the error of the observation, c it was long before Christianity that I was last in Spain ; and I shall not go there again till it is all over.' Don JManuel Espriella. Ix an hour after the reduction of Monte Video, by storm, a naval officer of rank happened to be passing a grocer's shop, in which he observed a British soldier, of the 40th regiment. Fearing that so immediately after an assault, the soldier might be about to commit some exaction from the grocer, curiosity induced him to wait, unperceived, until he should ascertain the man's intentions ; when, to Iiis great astonishment and satisfaction, he saw the grocer deliver a quantity of sugar to the soldier, who, taking out a dollar, desired him to pay him- self, and on receiving the change, put it into his pocket, with this remark only, 'Well, dear enough too.' A'aval Chronicle, v. 27, p. 382. A ft>:g of Sardinia was once told that the no- bility of Savoy were very poor. At a certain time, several noblemen, knowing that the king was to pass through Chambery, came to pay their homage in magnificent dress. The king gave them to un- derstand that he did not think them so poor as had fceen represented. c Sire/ answered they, * we were informed of your majesty's arrival ; we have done what we ought, but we owe what we have done.' JVbns avonsfait tout ce que nous devious, tnais nous devon tout ce que nous avonsfait. Chamfort. 105 When 1 was at the Hague, I was witness t v. 1, p. 200* Beauty, bxautifui. — Ask a toad what ts beauty, the supremely beautiful, the to-kal.o>\ ke will answer you, that it is hia female, with, tro 106 large round eyes projecting out of its little head ; a broad and fiat neck, yellow belly, and dark brown back. Ask a Guinea negro; and with him beauty is a greasy, black skin, hollow eyes, and a flat nose. Put the question to the devil, and he will tell you, that beauty is a pair of boras, four claws, and a tail. Consult the philosophers likewise, they will give you some unintelligible jargon for answer ; they must have something correspondent to beauty in the abstract, to the to-kalox. I once sat next to a philosopher at a tragedy ; that's beautiful, said he ! How beautiful ? said I. Because the author has attained his end. The next day he took a dose of physic, which had a very good effect : that's a beautiful physic, said I, it has attained its end : he perceived that a medi- cine is not to be called beautiful, and that the word beauty is applicable only to those things which give a pleasure accompanied with admiration ; that tragedy, he said, had excited these two sensations in him, and that was the to-kalo^, the beautiful. We went to England together, and happened to be at the same play, perfectly well translated ; but the spectators, one and all, yawned : Qh-ho ! said lie, the to-kalo]*, I find, is not the same in England as in France ; and after several pertinent reflections, he concluded that beauty is very rela- tive ; that what is decent at Japan is indecent at Rome, and what is fashionable at Paris is otherwise at Pekia ; and thus he saved himself the trouble of imposing a long treatise on the beautiful. Tali aire" s Philosophical DictiovAiry, v. I.. 107 True love's the gift which God has given To man alone beneath the heaven. It is not phantasy's hot fire, Whose wishes, soon as granted, fly ;. It liveth not in fierce desire, With dead desire it doth not die -, It is the secret sympathy, The silver link, the silken tie, Which heart to heart, and mind to mind. In body and in soul can bind. Scotfs Lay of the last MinsireL To stop a practice which had grown very com- mon, the emperor Paul issued the humane com- mand that no carriage should drive full speed through the streets, under the penalty that, with- out any regard to persons, horses and carri- ages should be forfeited, an extra fine paid by the master according to the circumstances of the case, the coachman forced to serve as a common soldier without the plea of having merely obeyed orders being of any avail, and, if any person should be hurt, to undergo the punishment of the knout. A coach and four having trespassed against this law, coachman, postillion, footman, carriage and horses were immediately seized. The emperor heard of this seizure before he could have received the re- port from the police. When the officer, whose business it was to make this report, came to Gats- china, the monarch asked whether the attend- ants of the carriage had undergone the pun- ishment of the knout, and the officer in the hurry of the moment answered in the affirmative e6 108 Hardly had he returned to Petersburg when he took the necessary steps to have the punishment inflicted. Notwithstanding it happened to he holi- day-time, the court was obliged to hold an extraor- dinary sitting. Its sentence was, that the coach- man should he lashed with the knout, the postillion, a boy of ten, whipped with rods, and the footman discharged ; as the latter, having stood behind the carriage, could not possibly have had any share in the guilt. But this did not agree with what the officer had reported to the emperor ; he therefore insisted upon the knout being dealt out to all three. In vain did the court remonstrate ; in vain did it re- present the injustice of punishing the innocent ; nothing could move the man with the steeled breast ; the court was forced to pronounce an un- just decree. When it was announced to the unfor- tunate footman, he fell senseless on the floor, and awoke to ineffable misery, fie was flogged with the knout, his nostrils were torn open, and in that £tred iix 120 our marriage contract ; and I declare to your wor- ship you shall not exercise it.' Such a distinct speech disconcerted the husband so much, that he laid down his cudgel, and only began to scold her. * Get out of my house,' said he, ' and let us share our goods.' '_ Readily,' said she, f lam willing to leave you ;' and each began to set aside the move- ables. The lady loosens the window curtains, and the gentleman unlocks an enormous trunk in or- der to fill it with his property ; but as he was leaning over to place some articles at the bottom, she tripped up his heels, pushed him in, and lock- ed the lid. Never man was in a greater passion than our man ; he threatened to kill her, and made more noise than a wild -boar caught in a trap. She an- swered him very quietly : * My dear friend, pray be calm, your passion may injure your health ; re- fresh yourself a little in this comfortable trunk ; for I love you too much to let you out now you are so outrageous.' In the mean time she ordered her maid to make some custards and cream -tarts, and when these were baked and ready, she sent round to all the neighbouring gossips to come and par- take of her collation. This was served up, not on a table, but on the lid of the trunk. Heaven knows what pretty things the husband heard all these famous tatlers publish in his praise. In such a case, a wise man must submit and give fair words. So did our friend in the chest. His language was soothing, he begged pardon, and cried for mercy. The ladies were so good as to forgive him, and let him out of the trunk. 121 To reward him for his good behaviour, they gave him the remainder of the custards and tarts. He was thus completely cured of his brutality, and was afterwards cited as a model for good hushands ; so that it was sufficient to say to those who were not so, take care of the trunk, to make the m as gentle as lambs, like himself. B. Jl~ An old gentleman had made a settlement of fifty pounds a year on a young girl, to be paid as long as she loved him. She inconsiderately left him, and attached herself to a young man, who, having examined that contract, thought he could revive it. In consequence, she claimed the quar- ters which were due since the last payment, inform- ing him upon stamped paper that she still continu- ed to love him. Ed. 1^ all wars, it is usual for the contending pow- ers to offer up prayers to heaven for their own suc- cess and the overthrow of their enemies, each party frequently adding, 'According to the justness of our cause, O Lord, help us, &c.' Now consider- ing that the cause of both parties cannot he pre- cisely just, it would perhaps be quite as judicious,, and certainly more sincere, as well as modest, to adopt the language, or at least the spirit of an old Scotch woman, who was a sutler in the duke of Marlborough's army. It so happened, that this faithful follower of the camp was one evening talk- ing to a venerable sister of the same profe< sion, but not of the same country, on the probable con- sequences of an engagement expetted to be fought 122 between the two armies next morning. * Well, 1 said the English sutler, 'Well — it will certainly be a most bloody battle ; and all I have to say is, J\fay God stand by the right /' — c De'el pick out your eyne for your wacked wish,' replied the Scotch cue, — e God stand by Hamilton's regi- ment, reight or -wrong. 9 . We cannot however close this laughable view of the subject, without a serious remark, that the lorn; of prayer, used in cur liturgy in time of war, is the only one which can with propriety be ad- dressed to heaven by a christian congregation. We roci not quote the words, as we hope they are familiar to most of our readers. JAght Reading at Leisure Hours, p. 344. Wh-ex the ambassadors of John V. duke of Eragansa, returned from Scotland, whither thev had been sent to negeciate a match between ' Isabel, he made inquiry consera- 4pg the t princess, and they r - has beauty ? and is likely err i bear ehildreu ; but her language is neither elevated nor reined. 'Tbati* jest what I want,' replied J^hn-; 'and I think thc.t woman learned enough, v be kfiows the difference between her husband's yrahtcoat and his doublet,' Gen. Biog. As Rabelais ridiculed the superstition of priest?, was extremely free in hi.2 i on the " he knew them too well to love ;eera them ; he is said not to have been able to refrain Lis satirical temper, even while he was 123 reading public service ; and instead of Qui m&chdn- tur cum ilia, as the Till gate has it, to have said aloud, Qui monachantur cum ilia. Life of Mabelais, v. 1, p. 15. Vanity is very commonly in proportion to "beau- ty. For instance, a very beautiful woman always ■wore spectacles, although she had very good sight. i She did not wear them, 5 said John Hutfo, e that she might see others better for them, but that oth- ers might see her better.' Collectanea, p. 36. The Hindoos believe not only in a future, but also in a prior state of existerce ; and the particu- lars of this doctrine seem to be nearly as follows ; viz. That man is born into this world seven times as man. That according to his conduct in each state of existence, is his birth, fortune, &e. in the suc- ceeding one. That when good men are entirely purified from all imperfection, they no longer are detained in the sea of mortal existence, but are transferred to different degrees of bliss : and, finally, absorbed into the infinite ocean of eternal life, God : — while bad souls are st,nt to do further pen- ance on earth, in the bodies of jackalls, crows, pigs, tkc. &c. or sometimes of daemons. KindersUfs Specimens of Hindoo Literature, p. 567. c I have learnt from long experience,' says Swift, ( never to apprehend mischief from those understandings 1 hfcve been able to provoke : for an <*er and fury, though they add strength to the - f 2 124 sinews of the body, yet are found to relax those #f the mind, and to render all its efforts feeble and impotent.' Swiftiana, v. 1, p. 143. A'* Irish blockhead was once asked what age he was : 'I am only twenty -six,' he answered ; f but I ought to be twenty-seven j for my mother miscar- ried the year before I was born.* Duteusiana, p. 25. At the commencement of a public dinner at Guii Ihall, o.i lord mayor's day, Mr. Chamberlain Wilkes lisped out, e Mr. Alder-nan B 11, shall I help yon to a plate of turtle, or a slice of the haunch ? I am within reach of both.' ' Neither one nor t'other, I thank you, sir,' re- plied the Alderman, ' I think I shall dine on the beans and bacon, which are at this end of the table.' * Mr. Alderman A n, which would you choose, set ? ' continued the chamberlain. e Sir, I will not trouble you for either, for I believe I shall follow the example of my brother B 11, and dine on beans and bacon,* was the reply. On this second refusal, the old chamberlain rose from his seat, and with every mark of astonish- ment in his countenance, curled up the corners of his mouth, east his eyes around the table, and in a voice as loud and articulate as he was able, called c Silence ;' which being obtained, he then address- ed the praetorian magistrate, who sat in the chair : * My lord mayor, the wicked have accused us of intemperance, and branded us rvith the imputation oighutony ; that tbey may be put to open shame, 125 and their profane tongues be from this day utterly silenced, I humbly move that your lordship com- mand the proper oineer to record in our annals— that Uvo aldermen of the city of London prefer Bean? and bacon to either venison or turtle soup. 9 Religious ceremony at Rome. — What to do with my shallow domestic, Abel, I know not — the fellow hath been perverted by an Irish renegado, and is crossing his forehead and beating his breast before every Virgin Mary he passes : — if I take bin] to a church there is no getting him away : and if I leave him at home I am obliged, when I return, to go to the churches to find him. As the holy week is at hand, pilgrims are flock- ing in from all parts of the globe. Previous to their partaking of the general pardon, it is required that they shall have paid their adora- tion to the crucifix at the top of the stair-case that was brought from Jerusalem ; and which is said to be taken from Pontius Pilate's house ; being the same that our Saviour frequently ascended to under- go examination. I have practised myself to look at the catholic ceremonies with temper ; but this scene was so in- finitely ridiculous, that, without any evil intentions, I threw a whole body of pilgrims into the utmost consternation. The stair-case consists of eight-and -twenty mar- ble steps ; each of which may hold about ten peo- ple abreast, and at this season of the year it is con- stantly crowded. — The pope himself durst not I 3 125 mount it on his feet. — Upwards of two hundred pilgrims were at this instant ascending, to pay homage to the crucifix, on their foiees, and in this attitude moving on from step to step towards the top- — Figure to yourself this group — They first appeared to me to be afflicted with the hip gout — they moved like horses with the stringhalt — I could still have borne it all, had I not seen Abel grubbing on in the midst of them, which made me burst into such a fit of laughter, that the holy ones were thrown into such a scene of confusion as you have never witnessed. Suddenly recollecting the ex- dense of plush breeches, I commanded Abel to descend. — Enthusiasm had deafened him to every worldly consideration ; — and, what added to my chagrin was, that the pilgrims had greatly the ad- ran tags of him, ten cut of eleve« being sans cu- lottes — so finding all remonstrance ineffectual, I waited to see the conclusion of the ceremony. The holy receptacle at the top contains a splen- did crucifix, surrounded by about a dozen portable its, which are shewa off by j» strong light in tha back ground ; and it has much the appearance of a magic lantern. As the pilgrims advance, they better tneir foreheads against the upper step, more or less recording to their superstition, or the weight of bin that overwhelms them ; and then, as the same method oi" descent, being as I have informed you, upon their knees, might possibly be more ra- pid, they go off at the top through two narrow pas- sages or defiles that lock like a couple of cracks in the wall ; which, I suppose, are intended to answer the purpose of a weighing machine, to ascertain 127 kow much they are wasted by fasting and praying. It was evident that they had not used the same artificial means of reducing themselves, that a New- market jockey does, by wearing a dozen flannel waiscoats at a time, for most of them were barely covered with the remnant of a shirt— what fasting might have done I know not, but am apt to give very little credit to the effect of their prayers. In- deed there was a more natural way of accounting for their leanness, as most of them had walked some hundreds of miles previous to the ceremony ; and we may discover a cause for the strange attitnde which they used on the occasion, by conjecturing* that bei.-ic. ; leg-weary, they had recourse to their knees by way of a change. These narrow passages did well enough for a mortified taper catholic, (one or two of whom I have sees towards the conclusion of Lent, reduced to such a point that one might almost have thread- ed a bodkin with them) but in no wise answered the purpose of your portly, well-fed protestant ; so Abel, as was easy to foresee, stuck fast in the mid- several of them endeavonred to pull him through, till at la. t lie was so completely wedged in that he eould neither get backwards nor forwards. Finding him in this situation, the pilgrims were suddenly disarmed of sufficient strength to with- stand the temptations of their old pil ering system ; so one ran away with his hat, another clawed hold of his hair, and had very nearly scalped hirn, sup- posing it to be a wig. In short, after a violent ex- ertion, Abel effected his escape, and promised to make no more religious experiments for the pres- r4 128 ent; "but is persuaded that he should neier have got through, had it not been for the interference of the crucifix and portable saints. liamble through Holland, France, and Italy, 'You are always yawning,' said a woman to her husband. 'My dear friend,' replied he, c the hus- band and wife are one, and when I am alone I grow weary.' Fkxklon was still more beloved in foreign countries than in France. During the war of 1701, prince Eugene and the duke of Marlborough treats ed him with every kind of homage. They sent detachments to guard his corn and his meadow?. They even had his property carried and escorted to Cambray, for fear it should be carried off by plunderers in their army. When any party of the enemy leant that he wished to take any jour, ey in his diocese, they informed him that he need not hr.ve a French escort, and that they would escort him themselves. The hussars, of the imperial troops, even rendered him their service. — Such empire has true virtue over the mind. Collectanea, v. 2, p. 7. Malhf.bbe, the father of good taste in French poetry, was a man whose wit was most lively, fer- tile, and instantaneous. A beggar in the streets of Paris oi.ue followed the poet a great way, craving alms in the urgent language of distress, and repeat- edly promising to pray to God to reward the char- itable deed. * Your wants, indeed,' said Malherbe, 129 ' appear to be pressing, and deserve pity ; but as your prayers, I cannot think that I od woul 1 paji much regard to them, when he leaves you in such a ragged and wretched condition.' His eotemporaries tell us, that nothing gave him so much pain as the blunders of ignorance, or the effusions of stupid and tasteless vulgarity. Of this, we have strong proof even in his dying mo- ments. A low-bred priest attended him on the occasion, and kevt babbling for along time in mis- erable jargon about the joys of heaven. c Ah !' ex- claimed Malherbe, almost with his la=t breath, ' ah ! for God's sake, say no more of heaven ; for your bad style would give me a disgust to it.' Light Beading at Leisure Hours, p. 82, Theue are heavy hours, in which the mind of a man of letters is unhinged ; when the intellectual faculties l@se all their elasticity, aud when nothfrfg biit the simplest actions are adapted to their en- feebled state. At such hours it is recorded of the great Mendelsohn, that he would stand at his win- dow, and count the tiles of his neighbour's house. An anonymous writer has told of Bayle, that he would frequently wrap himself in his cloak, and hasten to public places where mountebanks resort- ed ; and that this was. one of his ehief £ musemeut§. H« is surprised that so great a philosopher :-■, delight in so trifling an object. This observation is not injurious to the chpracter of Bayle ; it tinlj proves that the writer himself was no philosop .. Curiosties: of Literature, v. 2, r 5 ■ - • . 130 Swift has frequently been charged with impi- ety. After this very free paraphrase of so solemn an article as the belief, it cannot be said that the charge is entirely without foundation. 'I believe in king George II. ; the greatest captain, and the wisest monarch between heaven and earth ; and in Sir Robert Walpole, his only minister our lord; who was begotten of Barrett the attorney, born of Mrs. W. of Houghton, accused of corruption, con- victed, expelled, and imprisoned : he went down into Norfolk : the third year he came up again. He ascended into the administration, and sitteth at the head of the treasury, from whence he shall pay all those who vote as they are commanded. * I believe in Horace's* treaty, the sanctity of the bishops, the independency of the lords, the integrity ef the commons, restitution from the Spaniards, resurrection of credit, discharge of the public debts, and peace everlasting. Amen.' Siviftiana, r. 1, p, 42. 'Directions for eating a hot hasty-pudding. — The hasty-pudding being spread out equally on a '£late while hot. an excavation is made in the mid- dle of it with a spoon, into which excavation a piece of butter as large as a nutmeg is put, and upon it a spoonful of brown sugar, he. The butter, being soon heated by the heat of the pudding, mixes with th« sugar, and forms a sauce, which, being ■ironjined in the excavation, occupies the middle of the plate ! * Horace -Waipolejb' ether to Sir Robert. The treaty 131 Thus for the array — now for the battle ! Dip each spoonful in the sauce, before it is carried to the mouth, care being had in taking it up to begin on the outside, and near the brim of the plate, and to approach the centre by gradual advances, in order not to demolish too soon the excavation which forms the reservoir of the sauce / Essays Phil, by Count Rumford, v. I 5 p. 25 k We read of a wretched poet who was en. ployed by Alexander the Great to sing his praises, on the condition that for every good line he was to receive a hundred pieces of gold, and for every had one a hundred lashes. Tradition says that the poor poet did not long survive the bargain, which proved as •bad for him as the sentence of a modern court- martial. Had the same bargain been struck with our poets laureat, the country would have saved many an annual hundred pounds. Epics of the Ton, p. 69. Niewentyt has computed, that in a second of & minute, there files out of a burning candle, par- ticles of light ten millions of millions times, more than the number of the grains of sand, computed to be contained in the -whole earth / The imagination is not worth a microscope I ft has incalculable calculations ! Lewenhock startles even a philosopher, when he calculates the eggs of a female fish at 9,334,000, every one of which to fecundate, the male must have 10,000 sper- matic animalcule, so that the male fish contains 93,340,000,030, that is, eighty-four times more F 6 f 132 fish than human creatures on the faee of the globe i Malezieu says, he has seen Hying animalculse twen- ty -seven millions of times smaller than mites ! ! ! Phil. Mag. v. xiii. />. 374. Teb negligenee of Campistron, in answering the letters that were written to him, was so noto- rious, that one day, when he was burning a large pacquet of letters, M. de Yendome, who saw him. very carefully thus employed, observed to those present, ' Campistron is very busy answering hi« letters. 5 Collectanea , p. 37. Tax learned. Fl: s ury mentions a curious custom observed in the election of popea : The ns.v-made popes were seated on night-chairs, called Stercc- raria, from Avhenee they threw money among the people. The design of this elegant throne was to intimate, i -i-zvuy. to the apostolical sove- subject Ike others to the wants of nature, and all the infirmiti«*s of humanity. FUm-Fladkg v. 2, p. 69, A CEaTAiic justly fpiebiated songstress and her c&re fposOj during their musical tour in the nortK of En< land, arrived one evening at an inn, not re- mariable for the excellence of :Uaccommeitii any one. So, d'ye see, \:C\\ be- friends. The quarrel between us is all over, — all over, — and so give me your hand.' Ace;., conciliation was per- tv took his leave ; when just as he was closing the do r after him, the sick nan cried out, 6 But stop,' said he, — l if I should not die this time, this is to go tor nothing : Mind now, — it's all to be just as it was before, if 1 do net die.' EsprieUd'e Letters, v. 2, p. 195, 140 Soxe very great men have entertained strange superstitions. Ruddiman, the grammarian, was a warm friend of royalty and of the house of Stuart ; so much so that he firmly believed and often re- peated, in conversation, that every one of that line, who wns to ascend the throne, was born with a red lion impressed on his right arm. Inq. into tlie Hist, of Scot. p. 58. Lee was famous for studying effect when he pleaded. On the circuit at Norwich a brief was brought him by the relatives of a woman who had been deceived in a promise of marriage ; he inquired among other particulars whether the wo- man was handsome ? 'A most beautiful face,' was the answer. Satisfied with this, he desired she should be placed at the bar, immediately in front of the jury. When he rose, he began a most pa- thetic address, directing the attention Oi'the jury to the charms that were placed in their view, and painting in glowing colours the guilt of the wretch that could mjure so much beauty. When he per- ceived their feelings wrought up to a proper pitch, he sat down under the pea-feet conviction of obtain- ing a verdiet. But what was his surprize when the council retained by the opposite party observed, that it was impossible not to assent to the enco- mium which his learned friend had lavished on the face of the plaintiff; but he begged leave to add that she had a -wooden leg. This fact, of which Lee was by no means aware, was established to his utter confusion ; his eloquence was thrown away, and the jury, who felt ashamed for the effects it 141 had produeed upon them, instantly gave a verdict against him, Public Characters, 1803, 1804, p. 158. Whex Sidney was in France, being one day hunting with the king, and mounted on a fine Eng- lish horse, the form and spirit of which caught the king's eye, he received a message that he would be pleased to oblige the king with his horse at his own price. He answered, He did not choose to part ivith him. The king, determined to have no de- nial, gave orders to tender him a sum of money", and to seize the horse ; which being made known to Sidney, he instantly took a pistol and shot him dead, saying that his horse was born a free crea- ture^ had served a free man, and should not be mastered by a king of slaves. Would a pensioner to France have dared to speak and act thus? Light Heading at Leisure Hours, p. 222. Thehe happened, while Swift was at Laracor, the sale of a farm and stock, the farmer being dead. Swift chanced to walk past during the auction just as a pen of poultry had been put up : Roger bid for them, and was overbid by a farmer of the name of Hatch ; ' What, Roger, -won't you buy the poul- try?' exclaimed Swift. 'JVo, sir, 9 said Roger, ( I see they are just a'goi ng to hatch.* S-wiftiana, v. I, p. 8. Fredetuc II.'s severity to the bishops gave oc- casion to a sarcasm very deserving of remembrance. At an interview with the bishop of Ermeland s who 1*2 had "been despoiled of a large portion of his rev- soon after the partition, the king asked trim, c If after what had happened, he could still have any friendship left for him ? 3 'Sire,' replied the prelate. 1 1 shall never forget my duty, as a good subject, to my sovereign. 5 ' I am,' continued the king, e still your friend, and presume likewise much upon your friendship for me : should St. Peter refuse me en- trance into Paradise, I hope you will have the good- ness to hide me under your mantle, and take me in with you.' « Sire/ returned the bishop, ' thai -will scarce be possible, your majesty hag cut my man- tle too^short to admit of my carrying 1 any contra- band goods under it. 9 The king felt the reproof, but shewed no mark of displeasure by which the good humour of the company could he interrupted. Latrobe^s Anecdotes of the late King of Prussia. Vv r aEx M. Hey man wa3 at Florence, he did not fail to pay his respects to the grand duke of Tuscany's celebrated librarian, Magliabechi, who was considered as it3 ornament. He found him amongst his books, of which the number was pro- digious. Two or three rooms in the first story were crowded with them, not only along their sides, hut piled in heaps on the floors ; so that it was dif- ficult to sit, and more so to walk. A narrow space was contrived indeed, so that by walking side-ways, you might extricate yourself from one room to another. This was not all ; the passage below stabs was fall of books, and the staircase from the top to the bottom w&3 lined with them. When yon reached the second story, you saw with astoa- 143 ishmeut three rooms, similar to those below, equal- ly full ; so crouded, that two beds in these cham- bers were also crammed with books. This apparent confusion did not, however, hin- der Magliabechi from immediately finding the books lie wanted. He knew them all so well, that even to the least of them it was sufficient to see its out- «de, to say what it was ; and indeed he read them day a ad night, and never lost sight of any. He eat on his books, he slept on his books, and quitted them as rarely as possible. During his whole life he only went twice from Florence; once to see Fieso- li, which is not above two leagues distant, and once ten miles further, by order of the grand duke Nothing could be more simple than his mode of life ; a few eggs, a little bread, and some water, were his ordinary food. A drawer of his desk be- ing open, M. Heyman saw there several eggs* and some money, which Magliabechi had placed there for his daily use. . But as this drawer was generally open, it frequently happened, that the servants of Ms friends, or strangers who came to see him, pil- fered some of these things ; and, I suppose, pre- ferred the money to the eggs. His dress watfai philosophical as his repasts. A black doublet which descended to his knees ; large a,id long breeches ; an old patched black cloak ; un enormous hat, very much worn, and edges rag- ged ; a large neckcloth of coarse cloth, begrimmed with snuff; a dirty shirt, which he always wore as as it lasted, and which the broken elbows of ublet did not conceal ; an: 7 to finish this in- ventory, a pair of ruffles which did not belong ta 144, the shirt. Such was the brilliant dress of our learn- ed Florentine ; and in such did he appear in the public streets, as well as in his own h^use. Let me not forget another circumstance : to warm his hands, he generally had a stove with fire fastened to his arms, so that his clothes were generally sing- ed and burnt, and his hands scorched. Excepting all this, he had nothing otherwise remarkable about hi-: . He was the best man in the world (says M. Heyman) and was extremely polite and affable to strangers. Curiosities of Literature, v. 2. . Foote, who lived in habits of intimacy with lord KeUie, took as many liberties with his face (which somewhat resembied in appearance a meridian sun) as ever Falstaflf did with his friend Bardolph's. One day his lordship choosing to forget his prom- ise of dining with him, it piqued him so, that he called out, loud enough to be heard by the whole eotfee-house where they were sitting, ' Well, my lord, since you cannot do me the honour of dining with me to-day, will you be so good, as you r d by, just to look over aga nst my south wall ? for, as we have had little or no sun for this fortnight past, my peaches will want the assistance of your lordship's count enance? Footers Memoirs, v. 2, p. 89. ' I suppose, sir,' said a London hair-dresser to a gentleman from the country, — c I suppose, sir, you would like to be dressed in the Brutus style.' — ' What style is that ?' was the question in reply. * Ail over frizziey, sir, like the negers, — They be Brutes you know.' Espriella, v. 3, p* 2~4- 145 Chables, the haughty old duke of Somerset, having occasion to employ Seymour the painter, at Petworth, his grace was violently offended at the artist, for hinting in a modest way, what was found- ed o.i fact, that he considered himself as distantly related to the duke. He quitted him abruptly, and considerably irritated ; the steward was sent to pay him for what he had done, and to dismiss him. After trying in vain to get the pictures finished, which his cousin had begun, his grace condescend- ed to invite the man he had insulted, to return. s I will now prove that I am of your family/ said Sey- mour, ' I will not come.* Lounger' '$. Common Place Book, v. 3, p. 205. Bahot? Trenck. — The day after my arrival: to Paris, curiosity led me to visit incognito the Palais Royal, where Mr. Curtis was exhibiting me in wax to the people. I went up to him and said : —Sir, I saw Baron Trenck himself a few years ago, and I perceive this figure no more resembles him than it does the Great Mogul. — He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and contempt ; and assured me, on his honour^ that he well knew Baron Trenck personally, and that he had modelled the face of his figure from the Baron himself at Frank- fort. I said nothing before the company, but took him aside into another room, and discovered mysei'.-— The poor fellow was ashamed and frightened ; offered in excuse the artifices of people of his pro- fession to gratify the curiosity of the public ; assur- ed me that he had got a great deal of money by G.' 146 me! that he had sent a similar figure io London with the same view ; and prayed me to favour him with half an hour's sitting-, that he might copy my real face. This request, however, for sufficient reasons, I did not think fit to grant. The original being now at Paris, the figure would no longer an- swer the purpose of Mr. Curtis in that city ; so it | was conveyed to Madrid. Life of B. T. v. 4. Ix the island of Ceylon, the natives formerly paid their adorations to the most fantastic deities. Amongst others, a magnificent temple was erected, and daily sacrifices were offered to the all-powerful spirit supposed to reside in a monkey's tooth. On the continuance of any drought, or the prevalence of any epidemic disorder, the sacred tooth was al- ways brought forth, and borne in solemn proces- sion ; and the return of rain and health was con- stantly attributed to its powerful influence. But shortly after the Dutch had taken possession of the island, by one of those accidents against which no human prudence can guard, ths hallowed tooth was mislaid, and baffled the most diligent search, both of the priests, its guardians, and the natives. So ominous a calamity occasioned a general mourn- ing ; and the negligent depositories of the sacred relic were decreed to suffer death, when De Groot, a crafty Hollander, who had seen the deity, pro- duced to the superstitious people a tooth entirely similar, which he assured them the god Whyhang had presented to him in a dream. It was received with enthusiastic gratitude ; and De Groot was re- warded with goods to the value of twe-u^J thetr- 147 sand pounds, with which he returned to his own country. He ever afterwards spoke of the East India Deity with becoming veneration, and in tes- timony of his thankfulness, never omitted giving as the first toast after dinner every day, { Tlie Mon- key's Tooth? Light Reading at Leisure Hours, p. 339. The remarks of Fuller, in his Worthies of Eng- land, relative to Spenser, Jonson, and Shakespear, are well selected, by M. D'Israeli : He observes on Spenser, s The many Chaucer' Hsms used (for I will not say effected) by him are thought by the ignorant to be blemishes, known by the learned to be beauties, to his book ; which not- withstanding had been more saleable, if more con- formed to our modern language.' On Jonson — ( His parts were not so ready to run of themselves, as able to answer the spur ; so that it may be truly said of him, that he had an elaborate ~wil, wrought out by his own industry. He would set silent in learned company, and suck in ("besides wine J their several humors into his ob- servation. What was ore in others, he was able to rejine himself. . 2, p. 93. At the western extremity of Leominster, is an ancient building erected for an alms-house ; on the front of which are the remains of a figure which in its better days supported a hatchet in one hand, and above its head had the following inscription : He that gives his goods before he's dead, Let him take up th'S ax and chop off his head. A piece of advice by no means so absurd as may at first appear to many, when it is recollected how little gratitude for favours received prevails in the bosoms of a large portion of mankind ; and like- wise when they are informed that the person whose figure had been there represented was once a gen- tleman of considerable property, which he uncau- tiously bestowed upon persons he conceived to be in want of his assistance, and reduced himself to the extreme of poverty by his liberalities. Apply- ing however in the midst of his distresses to those on whom he had lavished his possessions, and who were then (owing to his former bounty) in affluence and ease, he was refused the least assistance ; which so affected the poor man, that, pining for a short time in the utmost wretchedness, he descended intQ 151 the grave, and left his ungrateful friends to reflect and be ashamed of their inhuman conduct. His- widow, having some time afterwards become pos- sessed once more of a good fortune, built this alms- house at Leominster ; and had the figure and in- scription already mentioned placed over the en- trance, to serve as a warning to others for avoiding the rock her husband's peace had been completely wrecked upon. Gleanings of a Wanderer. I ^rrsT not forget mentioning a man who daily pursues his trade on the Mole. He has a com? manding figure, is dressed like an Hungarian hus- sar, and also wears some medals about him. His name sounds very grand, being Maura Guerra Gamba Curta. He professes himself a Prussian ; and declares that his family has for five hundred years been provided with a balsam, which was in- vented by one of their ancestors. When he stands On his stage displaying and extolling his medicines, he produces by the firm and positive tone with which he speaks, the same effect as I have observ- ed in the auditories of the modern philosophers from a similar cause. c My good Neapolitans,' he exclaims, ( I know there are excellent physi- cians and surgeons here, and that 1 am but a worm compared with them ; but by the grace of God,' (here he takes off his hat, as do also the by-stand- ers,) c by the grace of God, I possess a balsam which heals the deepest wounds in a moment. Do you think that I wish to be taken at my word ? By no means. Observe I s He now takes off his coat, shews his naked arm, draws his sabre, nitfkes aa g4 152 incision in his flesh, and lets the "blood gush out plentifully ; he then pours in a few drops of his balsam, and invites the hearers to come the next day and view the wonderful effect of it. — ( Here,' lie continues, * is a water against the scurvy ; and if all your teeth were so loose as to he shaken with the wind like the hair of your head, you need only ~wash your mouth with this, and they will directly stand as fast as palisadoes in a fortification. This water is, as it were, the cardinal among my medi- cines ; this salve, on the contrary, the pope himself.* Here the hat is taken off again, and indeed some- what lower than on the mention of God. ( If you have an eruption, let it be ever so bad, rub your- selves with this salve to-day, and to-morrow or the day after, adieu to your complaint ! Do you think that I would cheat you of your money ? Far from it : I labour merely for the honour of God. This medicine costs me four Carolines (6s. 6d. sterling,) and I give it to you for one only. Yes, I give it Jo you gratis : there ! take it ; I desire nothing for*it Try it beforehand, and then come and hare testi- mony whether Gamba Curta has spoken true or not.' I was once actually witness to his refusing money of a well-drest man, who could not prevail 0:1 him to accent it without the most urgent en- treaties. 6 Trust me not,' he would often say at the close of his harangue : ' inquire about me ; go into the palace of his excellency general so-and-so, and ask what I have been in his regiment. Per- haps only a common hussar. But I have cured the whole regiment of ail possible diseases. When death sat on the lips, and there was no one to help 15S more, then honest Gamba Curta was called for ; it was known that he let nobody die.' Kotzebue*s Travels in Italy, v. 1, p. 261. A worthy clergyman in Yorkshire, lately de- ceased, bequeathed in his will a considerable pro- perty to his only daughter, on the subsequent con- ditions : First, That she did not enter into the state of matrimony without the consent of his two executors, or their representatives. Secondly, That she dressed with greater decency than she had hitherto been accustomed to do. The testator's words were : * But as my daughter Ann — ■ — • hath not at- tended to my admonitions, respecting the filthy rind lewd custom of dressing with naked elbows, my will is, that in case she persists in so gross a viola- tion of female decency, the whole of the property devised by me as aforesaid, and intended as a pro- vision for her future life, shall go to the eldest son of my sister Caroline and his heirs law- fully begotten. To those who may say this re- striction is severe, I answer, that an indecent dis- play of personal habiliments in women, is a certain indication of intellectual depravity.' •Modern Ship of Fools, p. 57. Gasconade. — A Parisian drew in the street upon a Gascon by whom he had been insulted The Gascon calling a chimney-sweeper, and giving him a sous, said, — * Here, take this, and go to the sexton : tell him to ring a knell, and come for that 'dead body,' pointing to the Parisian. e Lord, sir/ q 9 154 Replied the messenger, c it seernsto me the gentle- man is in good health.' — ' Very true,' answered the Gascon : — * but did not you hear him challenge me ?' Holcroffs Travels. To be sold, on the 8th of July, 131 suits in law, the property of an eminent attorney, about to retire from business. Note, the clients are rich and obstinate ! JVew Jersey Journal. A German Professor gives the following title to one of his publications — c Observations on all things and several other things besides/ Modern Ship of Fools, p. 170. Coefee.— This fashionable beverage, now al- most a necessary of life, on its first introduction in Asia, caused a violent religious schism among the Mahometan doctors, almost as early as the thirteenth century, although it was not till towards the middle of the sixteenth, that a coffee-house, properly so called, was established at Constantin- ople : its discovery was announced by a miraculous legendary tale, which each sect relates in its own way. The first coffee-house opened in England is said tp have been in George Yard, Lombard-street, London, by Rosqua, the Greek servant of a Tur- key merchant, in the year 1652 ; its flavour was considered so delicate^ and it was thought by the statesmen of those days, to promote society and political conversation so much, that a duty of four- |ienee was lai<] en *:• 155 But Anthony Wood says, that there was a house for selling coffee, at Oxford, two years before Rosqua's, in London ; ' that those who delighted in novelty, drank it at the sign of the angel, in that university, a house kept by an outlandish Jew.' Lounger's Coommon-Place Book, v. 1, p. 271. Previous to the battle of Marston Moor, in 1644, lieutenant general Cromwell had sent out spies to reconnoitre the king's forces, under the command of prince Rupert. Not confiding in their report of the disposition of the enemy, and determined to gain a personal information, un- known to any of his officers, he procured the hab- it of a farmer, with which having equipped him- self, lie mounted a cart horse, takes a circuit from the camp, and reconnoitres the king's forces from every convenient point of view ; but being observ- ed by some sentinels, troopers were sent out to take him prisoner. On coming suddenly upon him, they accosted him roughly : Oliver pretend- ing deafness, asked, with the greatest tranquillity, *for what purpose those men were armed ?' On being informed that they were the king's, and the opposite troops belonged to the parliament, * What/ says Oliver, c have they differed then ?' The sim- plicity of the question excited laughter among the troopers, and Oliver was permitted to proceed to his camp without further molestation. Life of Cromwell. Foote had two natural children, to whom he was much attached. As they were playing about * 6 156 Js knees one evening after dinner, a French gen- tleman present asked him, ' Sont-ils par la meme mere, monsieur ?' — « Qui, monsieur,' replied he ; • by the same mare, but I have strong doubts whether by Mie same horse.' Foote'e Memoirs, v. 2, p. 103. Old lord Iigonier took the charge of his ne- phew, when commanding the British forces abroad, and at the commencement of the first engagement he was greatly exasperated at the timidity which was evinced by his eleve, who excused himself, on the score of the novelty of the dreadful scene ; as the slaughter increased, the young man's fear he- game less conspicuous, until a musket ball not on- ly levelled to the earth a soldier who was at his side, frut splashed his coat with the brains of the deceas- ed. On witnessing this, a visible emotion was de- pictured on the features of the young soldier, which was noticed by the enraged uncle, who, with a bit- ter imprecation, vowed that his nephew was a pol- *roon 3 and only fit to be tied to his mother's apron string. i I beg ycur pardon, uncle,' replied the nephew, archly, and looking at his bedaubed regi- mental coat, * I am not afraid, but am only aston- ished to find that a skull here should be possessed •f any brains at all.' Captain Grose. "\5fHBir general O'Kelly was introduced to Louis XIV. soon after the battle of Fontenoy, his majes- ty observed, that Clare's regiment behaved well in lhat engagement. " Sire,' said the general, ' they be- haved well, it is true j many of them were woun^ 157 ed ; but my regiment behaf ed better, for we were all killed P Stultifera Navis, p* 240. The virgin Mary of Atocha is made of wood, yet is seen melting into tears at the pathetic parts of a sermon annually preached before her every Good Friday. On such occasions, the spectators •annot help sharing in the bitterness of the virgin's sorrow. One day, the preacher, having exerted all his powers of oratory with the usual effect, perceived among his erying congregation a carpen- ter, who looked on with a dry eye% * Impious wretch f exclaimed the sacred orator, c what — not weep ! — not discover the smallest emotion, when you see the holy virgin herself dissolved in tears f — * Ah, reverend father/ replied the carpenter, ' it was I, who fixed up that statute yesterday in its niche : in order to fasten the virgin properly, I was obliged to drive three great nails in her backside ; 'twas then she would have cried, had she been able.' Light Readings at Leisure Hours, p. £94. When lord Stair was ambassador at Paris dur- ing the regency, he gave orders to his coachman to give way to nobody except the king, meaning that an English ambassador should take the pass even of the regent, but without naming him. The host was seen coming down a street through which the coach passed. Colonel Young, who was master of the horse, rode to the window of the coach, and asked lord Stair, if he would be pleased to give way to God Almighty ? He answered, * By all means, 1SS but none else ;* and then stepping out of the coach, paid respect to the religion of the country in which he was, and kneeled in a very dirty street. J. M. Notwithstanding the modern vocabulary of honour, which tells a man to risk his life, be- cause another treads upon the tail of his dog ; I must nevertheless affirm, that such conduct has nothing to do with real courage ; for there are but very few injuries of such a glaring nature as to de- mand the blood of a fellow creature at the hands of another. Would it argue real courage, let me ask, for a man of a delicate^ and weak habit, and quite devoid of skill, to put his strength in opposi- tion to an experienced bruiser ? or would it redound to the credit of an individual who had never fired a pistol, to place himself within twelve paces of a man who could hit a crown piece at 30 yards, and who was to have the first shot into the bargain ? if such be the standard bravery, and the touchstone •f honour, I must certainly coincide with Falstaff, when he exclaims, 1 What is honour ? a word — What is that word honour ? Air; a trim reckoning. Who hath it ? He that died a Wednesday. Doth he feel it ? No. Doth he hear it ? No. Is it insensible then ? Yea, to the dead. But will it not live with the living ? No.' Dr. Paley, in his political and moral philoso- phy, very justly observes, that honour is nothing more than a law instituted by one certain class of people which is to act as a tie up©n another, hnv- 159 ing no reference whatever, either to religion or mqttdity ; and with respect to that species of hon- our which prompts a man to rush headlong into ruin, it is invariably the rale, that if the actor suc- ceeds, he is crowned with the applause of the mul- titude ; whereas, if he fails, he is sure to be univer- sally reprehended. Modern Ship of Fools. A mercantile acquaintance of Foote, would one day after dinner read him a poem of his own oomposing, and pompously began : ' Hear me, O Phcebus ! and ye muses nine ! Pray be attentive ' — f I am, 3 said FoGte, ' nine and one are ten ; go on.' Fo o te's Memoirs > v . 2, p . 61. Whex Dr. Franklin was asked, why those who had acquired more wealth than was sufficient far all the purposes of comfort, should still desire to increase it ? he answered, ' That avarice was the most natural and common of all the human pas- sions,' and illustrated his assertion by giving to Si child, then in the room, a large apple. The mo- ment it had taken it, he offered it another, which it also received ; and before it could dispose of either, he presented a third : it vainly tried to hold it in its little hands, and at last, in a passion of tears, threw itself and the fruit on the floor. — c Is not this child the political baby who grasps at more than it ear* enjoy, and will fincl insatiable desire terminate in disappointment ?' Phil. Essays. 460 A gentleman who had the ill fate to have a son very weak in his intellects, was continually rq^pm- mending silence, as the best method of hiding his imperfection. It so happened, that the father took his son to an entertainment, and, for want of room to sit together, they were obliged to take separate seats. After dinner, two gentlemen, opposite to the son, differed in opinion upon a subject they were discoursing about ; and, rather than have a serious dispute, they agreed to leave it tt> the gen- tleman opposite to them. — They then stated the case, and desired his opinion. — The son was silent. They waited a little while, and again desired him to decide. — Still he kept silence. The gentlemen, looking stedfastly at him, exclaimed, c Why, the fellow is a fool !' Upon which the son started up, and ealled out, f Father, father, they have founcj me out' Loungers Pocket Book, p. 16L The ancient house of Ruthsen, in the highlands of Scotland, once the seat of the unfortunate Gow- ries, consists of two square towers, buiit at differ- ent times and distinct from each other, but nov^ joined b) buildings of later date. The top of one of the towers is called the Maiden's Leap, receiv- ing its name from the following extraordinary fact : A daughter of the first earl of Gowrie was ad- dressed by a young man of inferior rank in the neighbourhood, a frequent visitor of the family, who never would give the least countenance to his passion. His lodging was in the tower, separata from that of his mistress. The lady, before the 161 doors were sliut, conveyed herself into her lover's apartment. \ prying duenna acquainted the eount- ess, who, cutting off, as she thought, all possibility of a retreat, listened to surprise them. The young lady's ears were quick ; she heard he footsteps of her mother, ran to the top of the leads and took the desperate leap of nine feet four inches over a chasm of sixty feet, and luckily alighting on the battlements of the other tower, crept into her own bed, where the astonished countes- found her, and of course apologized for her unjust suspicion. The fair daughter did not choose to repeat the leap ; but the next night eloped, and was married. Tour in Scotland. No learned man ever distinguished himself in so many diiferent ways, or united so many claims to glory and applause, as Mr. Bailly, who was mayor of Paris from the 15th July, 1789, until the 16th November, 1791. Bailly was a victim of the tribunal of blood on the 9th of November, 1793 ; and those who had procured his condemnation found means to pro- long his sufferings, by requiring that the place of his execution should be changed ; in consequence of which the scaffolding was removed: this occa- sioned a delay of more than two hours. He was the only person towards whom they exercised this additional barbarity. They spit upon and burnt a pair of colours close to his face : some of the more furious advanced in order to strike him, notwithstanding the execution- ers themselves were indignant at such brutal con- ±62 duct. They also covered him with dirt, while a •old rain, that descended in torrents, added to the horror of his situation. With his hands tied De- hind h!s hack, and obliged to swallow the moisture that trickled down from his nose, he at times de- manded that a period should he put to so many calamities : but even then his request was uttered wiih the dignified calmness of a philosopher. To a man who said, ' You tremble, Bailly,' he re- plied, ' Yes, my friend, but it is on account of the cold.' Memoirs tfun Detenu, par Riouste. Sir Francis Delaval and Foote, strolling from the TurkVhead tavern in Gerrard-street, not a lit- tle inebriated, espied a bona roba most tawdrily dressed out, ogling them from her drawing-room window. This was enough to excite the gallantry of Sir Francis ; who, instantly dropping upon one knee, theatrically exclaimed, Ah, ma chere belle /' Foote, seeing this, was determined not to be out- done in gallantry ; and accordingly, placing himself by the side of Sir Fraucis, exclaimed in the same impassioned tone of voice and manner, Ah, ma Jeze-belP Forte's JUemoirs, v. 2, p. 73. A collector of old coins, after displaying his valuable store to some amateurs, suddenly missed a rare gold piece, of the emperor Carusius, which had peculiarly attracted the attention of his visitors, when instantly securing the door of the apartment, he made the fact known, and requested that the gentlemen would turn their pockets inside out^ in 103 wder to satisfy hira that it was not in either of their possessions. Each of the visitors, anxious to vindicate himself fron% the charge of theft, instantly acquiesced with the desire of the collector, who, not finding his coin by this means, proceeded to acquaint the company that he must he under the necessity of administering a strong purgative to each party, which was accordingly ordered, not- withstanding the most vehement opposition on all sides ; when wrought upon hy this vigorous mode of attack, one of the amateurs, at length, confessed that he had heen unable to resist the powerful temptation : and, as he wanted that coin only to render his series complete, he had literally taken the opportunity of swallowing it, in the hope of bearing away the prize ; so that after evacuation he might be enabled to place it in his own repository. It is almost needless to add, that the injured collec- tor did not suffer this swallower of emperors to quit his mansion, until Carusius had passed the great ordeal, and once more tasted the joys of light and liberty. Shortly after the fact here related had happened, an old acquaintance of this purging collector de- manded the cause which had instigated him to adopt so extraordinary a method; when he confessed, that upon a former occasion he had himself pursu- ed a similar expedient, in order to become possess- ed. of a scarce coin which was deficient in hi3 as- sortment ; and that, well knowing from experience that nothing less than a smart dose would have im- mediately brought forth the hidden treasure from his own bowels, he had consequently pursued that plan. Modem Ship of Fools, p, 128. 16* Lavoisier's celebrity has for some time past induced several of the Parisian ladies to become amateurs of chemistry ; so |jiat they analize the sensibilities of the heart — according to chemical rules. Karamsirts Travels, v. 3, p. 68. About six months before the death of Daniel Dancer, during a hot summer's day, he was ob- served by a neighbour very assiduously employed in throwing water from a pool, by means of a fry- ing pan, on the surrounding meadow, which hap- pened to be burnt up. On being questioned as to the object of his labours, he observed, f that he wanted a bit of nice fresh grass for his old horse, for hay being then very dear, a poor body ought to be sparing of it.' The same person, returning in three or four hours afterwards, found the old man in tears, and, on inquiring the cause, was informed, * that he had worked with the frying-pan until he was tired, when falling asleep on the grass, some rogue had stolen a pocket-book from him contain- ing three hundred and fifty pounds in bank notes, which he had received the day before for some ricks of hay which he had sold.' Annual Necrology for 1798, p. 161, Foote's mother, who brought a large fortune to her husband, as heiress to the Goodere estates, was latterly, by a carelessness and dissipation so peculiar to this family, in a great measure a depen- dent on her son's bounty ; as was also his brother, who was brought up to the church. To the latter he allowed sixty pounds a year, besides the free- 165 dom of his table and theatre ; to the former a pen- sion of one hundred pounds till her death, which happened some years before that of her son.* Footers Memoir s y v. 2, p. 3. The collectors practise various arts, to make a copy of a work excessive rare : by printing a few only, a worthless book becomes valuable, because it is scarce; and in some cases they have contrived to enjoy thatundescribable rapture of possessing an unique copy I Not long ago, a certain collector purchased a precious illuminated manuscript, at the expense of 1001. As soon as the copy was in his hands, he requested a moment's silence among the congregation of collectors. * Gentlemen V cried he, * observe I tear into pieces this valuable copy* for which I have paid 1001. and by which means I become the possessor of an unique copy ! for I have another in my collection, and which I now value at 500! ,? In saying this, he tore the costly copy he had bought, and, to the envy of * Under one of her temporary embarrassments, she Wrote the following laconic epistle to ©ur hero; which, with frs -nsweij exhibit no bad «pecimen of the thought- less dispositions of tht two characters :— * Dear Sam, * I am iri prison for debt : come and assist your loving another, E. Foote.' ' De:*r Mother> ' So am I ; which prevents his duty being paid to his loving mother, by her affectionate son, * Sam Foote. 'P. S„ I have sent my attorney to assist you; ki the Mean time let us hope for better days.' 166 these literary misers, wore a jewel on his philo- sophical cap, as large and as unrivalled as the Pitt' diamond i Flim-Flams, v. 3, p. 215. Marhtage. — A person was mentioned as hav- ing resolved never to marry a pretty woman. Johnson said, e Sir, it is a very foolish resolution not to marry a pretty woman. Beauty is of itself very estimable. No, sir, I would prefer a pretty woman, unless there were objections to her. A pretty woman may be foolish ; a pretty woman may be wicked ; a pretty woman-may not like me. But there is no such danger in marrying a pretty woman as is apprehended : she will not be perse- cuted, if she does not invite persecution. A pretty woman, if she has a mind to be wicked, can find «. readier way than another ; and that is all.' He observed, that a man of sense and educa- tion should meet a suitable companion in a wife. It was a miserable thing when the conversation could only be such as, whether the mutton should be boiled or roasted, and probably a dispute about that. A gentleman talked to him of a lady whom he greatly admired and wished to marry, but was afraid of her superiority of talents. ' Sir (said he,) you need not be afraid ; marry her. Before a year goes about, you'll find her reason much weaker, and her wit not so bright/ Johnson'' 8 Table Talk 9 v. 1, p. 48. It is said of Margarite, daughter of Charles II. $f Naples and Sicily, and wife to Charlet count #f 1$7 Talois, that the ambassadors of France having re* quired her for the king's brother, besought her they might see whether she were touched with her fa- ther's natural imperfections, who was crooked, she unclothed herself even to her smock, made of so finellolland, that one might easily behold her shape, and withal replying, that never would she for a crown make any scruple to pull it off. — JMatthieu on Philippa the Catanian, translated by Sir T. Hawkins, p. 320. Ox the occasion of the author's seeing a Hot- tentot following for a considerable distance the traces ot the waggon, he notes the sagacity of this race of people in investigation. * At this sort of business a Hottentot is uncom- monly clever. There is not an animal among the numbers that, range the wilds of Africa, if he be at all acquainted with it, the print of whose feet he cannot distinguish. And though the marks by yhich hi3 judgment is directed be very nice, they are constant in animals in a state of nature, where- as domesticated animals are liable to many acci- dental variations. He will distinguish the wolf for instance, from the domesticated dog, by the largeness of the ball of the foot, and the compara- tive smallness of the toes. The print of any of his companions' feet he would single out among a thousand. The peasantry are al o tolerably cx- peit in tracing game by the marks of their feet ; it is, in fact, a part of their education. An Afri- can boor gains a sort of reputation by being clever op fat sJjQQr. This is the method by wliich, en 168 moonlight nights, the}' hunt down the poor Bos- jesmans.' Barroiv's Travels in Africa. A lear^eb friar in Italy, famous for his piety and knowledge of mankind, heing commanded to preach hefore the pope at a year of jubilee, repair- ed to Rome a good while before the day appointed, to see the fashion of the conclave, and to accom- modate his sermon the better to the solemnity of the occasion. At length, whenthe day came, hav- ing ended his prayer, he, looking a long time about, at last cried out with a loud and vehement voice,, three times, c St. Peter was a fool ; St. Peter was a fool ; St. Peter was a fool;' and then came down from the pulpit. Being afterwards questio«ed be- fore the pope, concerning the unsuitableness of his behaviour, he made this reply : ' Surely, holy father, if a cardinal may go to heaven abounding in wealth, honour, and preferment, and living at ease, and wallowing in sloth and in luxury, sel- dom or never preaching ; then certainly St. Peter was a fool, who took such a hard way of travelling thither, by fasting, preaching, abstinence, and hu- miliation. 5 JEdinbro 9 Budget, p. 53- After Scipio had foreed the city of Numance by assault and entered now the seco d time with * triumph into Rome, he fell into some variance and debate with C. Gracchus, in the behalf of the senate and certain allies and confederates : where upon the common people taking a spleen or dis- pleasure at him, made such clamours at him on the rostra, when he purposed to speak and give 169 remonstrances unto them, that thereupon he raised his speech : There was never yet any outcries and alarms of whole camps, nor shouts of armed men ready to give battle, that could astonish and daunt me ; no more shall the rude cry of a confus- ed multitude trouble me, who know assuredly that Italy is not their mother, but their stepdame.' And when Gracchus with his adherents cried out aloud, Kill the tyrant, kiil him : Great reason (quoth he) have they to take away r£f life, who war against their own country ; for they know, that so long as Scipio is on foot, Rome cannot fail, nor Scipio stand when Rome is laid along. Holland's Plutarch 7 8 JVlor. p. 446. Comparative Criticism. — 1. A» Letter to Samuel Whitbread, Esq. M. P. on his proposed bill for the amendment of the poor laws ; by the Rev. T. R. Maithus. ( The candou , the information, and the con- vincing reasoning, which distinguish Mr. Malthus's other well known labours, are conspicuoub in the letter before us.' — Monthly Review. c — The next remark of Mr. Maithus, concern- ing distinctions, &c. amounts to nothing at all. Mr. Maithus seems tohave yo practical acquaint- ance with the poor laws.' — British Critic. 2. Letters on the Intellectual and Moral Charac- ter of Women, &c. ' From the way in which the author is continu- ally foisting the * Ladies, yes, ladies,' and i no, la- (ties,,' into his sentences, we should be led to con- H 170 elude that he had previously served his appren- ticeship to a^. haberdasher, before he ventured on the difficult task of instructing the female sex in the knowledge of their duty. Should our conjec- ture be right, we would in all affection advise the author to return to his original calling of counting pins and needles, and measuring tape and lace for the ' ladies/ without reiterating the vain attempt of serving them in any other way.' — Critical Re- view. 6 The author we understand to be a country clergyman in the north of Scotland. We recom- mend these letters to our fair readers as containing, 'in pleasing language, many important lesso?is of moral and prudential wisdomj. — British Critic. 3. Great and good Deeds of Danes, Norwe- gians, and Holstenians ; collected by Ove Mailing. 6 From the extracts we have made, our readers will perceive that this volume promises a consid- ah!e fund of entertainment, which is conveyed in- - correct 3 and sometimes even axixated language, that does honour to the translator, who, we under- stand, is not a native of England but of Denmark. 9 Anti-jacobin Review. 1 We have derived but a very scanty portion ei- ther of pleasure or instruction from the present per- formance. The reader, who is best disposed to be pleased, will not read much before he yawns over the ixsipmiTr of the page.' — ^Critical Review. 6 Jtfany blunders in grammar and punctuation gi?v be corrected.'— Eclectic Review. Satirist, v. 1, p. 541, 542 and 545. 171 Frederick the Great, in one of his battles, happening; to turn bis head round, he saw bis ne- phew, the hereditary,' prince, fall to the ground, his horse being killed under him. Frederick, thinking the rider was shot, cried without stopping, ( Ah ! there's the prince of Prussia killed ; let his saddle and bridle be taken care of !' Edinbrd* Budget, p. 8& A Highlander having 1 gone with his master into the church of Notre-Dame at Paris, to hear high mass, was very much delighted with the magnifi- cence of the edifice, the splendor of the clergymen^ dresses, and the divine harmony of the music On leaving church, his master asked him how he liked the performance ? * Ocb, sir, 'twas wondrous fine,' replied Donald, ' God is served here like a shentleman ; but in my country, (with reverence be it spoken,) he is treated little better than a scoundrel.' «M. S. Thi; following is extracted from a letter of the earl of Stafford, to secretary Calvart, while king James wa.? hunting at Rufford. ( The loss of a stag, and the hounds hunting foxes instead of deer, put the king your master into a marvellous chaff, accompanied with those ordinary symptoms better known to your eourtiers, I conceive, than to any rural swains : In the height whereof comes a clown galloping and staring full in his face, his blood (quoth he) am I come forty miles to see a fellow? and presently in a great rage, turns about his horse and away he goes faster than he came. SiajforcVs Letters, p. 83. h2 ±72 A tout's woman of German extraction waited for the present eraperor Alexander of Russia, on the stairs by which he was accustomed to go d>wn to the parade. When the monarch appeared, she met him on the steps with these words in her mouth — ■ Please your majestv, I have something to say to you.' s What is it ?' demanded the em- peror, and remained standing with all his attend- ants. f I wished to be married ; but I have no fortune ; if you would graciouslygive me a dowry — ' ( Ah, mv girl, (answered the monarch) were I to give dowries to all the young women in Peters- burg, who w^sh to be married, where do you think I shonkl fi id money ?' The girl, however, by his order, received a present of Hfty rubles. On another occasion, at the very moment when the emperor had given the word of command, and the guard on the parade was just on the point of paving h;m the usual military honours, a fellow approached him with ragged garments, with his hair in disorder, and a look of wildness, and gave him a slap on the shoulder. The monarch, who was standing at that time with his face opposite to the military front, turned round immediately, and beholding the ragamuffin, started at the sight, and then asked him with a look of astonishment, what he wanted. * I have something to say to you, Alexander Paulowitz,' an wered tne stranger, is the Russian language. ' Say on then,' said the emperor, with a smile of encouragement, and lay- ing his hands upon the vagabond's shoulders. A long solemn pause followed ; the military guard stood still ; and nobody ventured by word or me- 173 tion to disturb the emperor in this singular Intel'* view. The irand duke Constantine alone, whose attention had been exc:ted by this unusual stop- page, advanced somewhat nearer to his brother. The stranger now related, that he had been a cap- tain in the Russian service, and had been present in the campaigns both in Italy and Switzerland ; but that he had been persecuted by his command- ing officer, and so misrepresented to Suwarrow, that the latter had turned him out of the army. Without money and without friends, in a foreign com try, he had afterwards served as a private sol- dier in the Russian army ; and being much wound- ed and mangled at Zurich (and he here pulled his rags asunder and showed several gun-shot wounds) he had closed his campaign in a French prison. He had now begged all the way to Petersburg, to apply to the emperor himself for justice, and to beg him to inquire into the reason of such a shameful degradation from his post. The emperor heard him to the end with patienee ; and then asked, in a significant tone, if there was no exaggeration in the story he had told ? e Let me die under the knout,' said the officer, * if I shall be found to have uttered one word of falsehood !' The emperor then beckoned to his brother, and charged him to conduct tl«e stranger to the palace, while he turned about to the expecting crowd. The commanding officer, who had behaved so shamefully, though of a good family, and a prince in rank, was repri- manded very severely ; while the brave warrior, whom he had unjustly persecuted, was reinstated ii 3 174 in his former post, and had besides a considerable present from the emperor. M. Mag. v. 15, p. 239. A certain stargazer, with his telescope, was once viewing the moon, and describing her seas, her mountains aud her territories. Says a clown to his companion, Let him spy what he pleases ; we are as near to the moon, as he and all his breth- ren. Harris. When the orators of the Athenian Lyceum were in a deep debate upon the choice of a pro- per person to succeed the late Mr. Fox as mem- ber for Westminster, after every one had proposed a different person, and, from this variety of opinion, it was at last gravely determined that they should wait in a body upon the dying patriot to be in- formed of his own wishes upon the subject, an im- pudent fellow got up, and requested, before they set out, a moment's attention, as the proposition he should have the honour to make would proba- bly save them the trouble of their journey. Among the variety of gentlemen that had been named, they by some strange oversight, had passed over a per- son, to whom he conceived no one present could have the least objection ; and he was confident, that as soon as he should name him, they would agree unanimously that he was at least the fittest representative of the persons then assembled ; he would, therefore, beg leave to propose Mr. Piijcock, keeper of the -wild beasts at Exeter Shange. This was a wicked attempt to throw a 175 slur upon their meeting ; but their gravity was not to be deranged by a thing so unknown in their as- sembly as wit ; so they debated very orderly the qualifications of Mr. Pidcock, and came at length to an unanimous vote, that he would be a very fit person to represent them, that they should there- fore subscribe sixpence a head, towards raising a fund to defray the expenses ol the election, and that the president should express the thanks of the assembly to the honourable speaker, who had put Mr. Pidcock in nomination. Satirist, v. 2, p. 56. I tremble at feeling myself under the necessity of contradicting that celebrated natural historian Compte de Buffon ; yet I must take the liberty to do it. He says, * A beaver has a scaly tail, be- cause he eats fish ;' I wonder much that monsieur Buffon had not one himself for the same reason : for I am sure that he has e; ten a great deal more fish than all the beavers in the world put together. Beavers will neither eat fish nor any other animal food ; but live upon the leaves and bark of such, trees and shrubs as have not a resinous juice, and the roots of the water-lily. I have known them eat black spruce ; and they will sometimes cut down silver-fir ; but I believe that is only to build with, when other trees are scarce. Cart-wrights Nat. Hist, of the Beaver Bias was one day asked, What it was that flat' tered man most ? * It is hope,' he replied. What it was that pleased them most ? — ( Gain.'' — What h was* which was most difficult t® bear ? — c A rc : h4 176 verse of fortune.' He used to say, that a m»a who could not suffer the misfortunes which befel him, was, indeed, very unfortunate. Fenelon's Life of Bias, v, 1, p. 130. A tar having got into the pit of Drury-lane thea- tre, recognized one of his mess-mates aloft amongst the gods. ' Pray, Jack, cried he, what did it cost you to get into that d — n'd snugb : rth ?' On being informed that he gave o ly a shilling : ' D — me, this is iine business ! I gave five shillings to get stowed into this here hold. 9 Budget of Wit. A You^ro American having broken an appoint- ment with Dr. Franklin, came to him the following day, and made a very handsome apology for his absence : He was proceeding, when the doctor stopped him with, s My good boy, gay no more, you have said too much already ; for the man who is good at making an excuse, is seldom good at any thing else. 9 Anecdotes of D. F. Steiute, in addition to many other fascinating talents, had the happy knack of telling old stories with such a mixture of wit and originality as to lake them pass for his own. Almost every body knows the anecdote which he relates in his Senti- vestal Journey, to illustrate this lesson, that the ? : rand art of pleasing in conversation consists in Iicariog much and speaking lktle. But he took Hie hint from the following anecdote of Racine, h the Sentimental Traveller whipped cp in Ikh ©v.'n manner, and applied to himself* I 177 The French tragic writer, desirous of abating his son's almost frantic ardor in the pursuit of poe- try, and apprehensive that the inexperienced young man might attribute to his father's tragedies the caresses which several of the nobility lavished upon him, used often to say, ' Think not, my son, that it is my poetry which procures me all these kind- nesses. The verses of Corneille are a hundred times superior to mine ; and yet nobody regards him : they only love him in the mouth of his ac- tors. Instead of tiring people with the recital of my works, I never mention them, and am content- ed if I can entertain my visitors with topics that are amusing, and agreeable to themselves. My talent, with them, is not to make them sensible that I am a man of wit, but that they have wit themselves. Thus, when you see a nobleman pass whole hours with me, you 'would be astonished, if you were present, to observe him frequently leave me without my having spoken four words ; but by degrees I put him in the humour of prattling, and he goes away still more satisfied with himself thau with me.' But, though the advice here given by Racine, and illustrated by Sterne with his usual liveliness, is founded in a perfect knowledge of mankind, yet it implies a want of candour, and can be success- fully practised only by men of keen penetration, great subtlety, and address. There is a much easier and surer way of pleasing in company, which is in every one's power to practise ; and that \^ shewing a disposition to he pleased. Light Reading at Leisure Haurs^ p, 34§ a5 178 jffcbson' ) s Choice. — Towards the south end of the m ark et-pl ace, Oxford, stands Hobson's con- duit, from which water is always running, through several iron pipes. This conduit was built by the celebrated Robson the carrier, who gave rise to the proverbial expression of * Robson's choice, this or none ;' by letting out horses to the students, in such a rotation that they had an equal share of rest and work, and by resolutely refusing to let another hors^e than that which, in its turn, was placed next the door. J&. M.ag\ v. 15, p. 119. CeiLOused to say, that there were three thing! difficult : to keep a secret, to bear injuries, and ^o make a good use of time. He observed that a man ought never to threaten ; for this is a female weakness. That the greatest mark of wisdom was to restrain the tongue, especially at a feast. That one ought never to speak ill of any person ; other- wise he would be perpetually exposed to the dan- ger of raising up enemies against himself, and of hearing things by no means agreeable to him. That a man ought to visit his friends when in dis- grace, rather than when in favour. That it was better to lose, than to acquire ill-gotten gain. That we ought $ever to natter a man in his ad- versity. That a man of courage ought alwavs to be mild ; and endeavour to procure respect, rather than fezr. He held, that the best policy in a state, is to teach the citizens how to manage their own famiHes with propriety. That a man ought to mar- ry a plain unaffected woman, and not to ruin him- self by the celebration of his nuptials. That goM 179 v and silver were tried by a touch-stone ; bat that it was by means of gold and silver that the hearts of men were tried. — That we ought to use every thing with moderation, lest we should be too sensibly af- fected with the loss of them. ' Love and hatred,' said he, ' do not last forever : love, as if you were one day to hate ; and never hate, but as if you were one day to love.' Feneloii's Life of Chilo, v. 1, p. 152. ■■ It would surprise a modern fine lady, were I to tell her, that the cup from which she sips her tea had been through the hands of at least twenty -three dirty workmen before it met her lips ; but such is the fact, for if we retrace the process, we shall find the following croud employed for the pur- pose : — the man who grinds the articles for the composition ; the man that mills them ; the person that calcines them ; the grinder of the lumps ; the sifter ; the attender on the vats ; the temperer ; the thrower; the drier; the turner ; the spout maker, who forms the spouts and handles ; the handler, who puts them on ; the biscu t fireman ; the blue painter ; the dipper, who immerses them in the glaze ; the trimmer, who clears them from irregu- larities in the glazing ; the g oss fireman ; the sort> er ; the painter ; the enamel fireman ; the burnish- er. Warren's Tour. Oxe forenoon as 1 was sauntering through the streets of Stratsbourg, with some of our country- men, we were informed that the music of some ef the regiments had beeu ordered to a particular H 6 180 church, where the count de , son of Lewis the XVth, by madame de Pompadour, was expect- ed to be at mass. — We all immediately went for the sake of the military music, and found a very numerous and genteel company attending. After Laving waited a considerable time, it struck twelve, upon which the whole company retired without hearing the music or mass.—- After mid-day, the ceremony could not have been performed, although the count had come. Something very important must have intervened to prevent a Frenchman, and one of his character for politeness, from attending on such an occasion. There was however a mur- mur of disapprobation for this want of attention, and the priest was not applauded, who had hazard- ed the souls of a whole churchfull of people, out of complaisance to one man ; for those who imagine that a mass can save souls, must admit that the want of it may be the cause of damnation. Mr. Harvey whispered me, ( In England they would not have had half the complaisance for the king himself, accompanied by all his legitimate children, that these people have shewn to this son of a w — e.' JWoore's Viexv of Society and ^Manners. Under a despotical government, there is no time liberty, and but nominally, any gradation of rank. All men are slaves. I have somewhere read, that, at the court of Paul of Russia, two lords came in, one of whom began to converse very fa- miliarly with a shoe-black, whom he saw employed in his office. The other asked him afterwards, how he came to talk in that manner with such a 181 a fellow ? — f . Such a fellow !' rejoined the other. * Nay, there is policy in it ; for who knows but to-morrow I may be obliged to black his shoes ?' Mc Cormack. The grand jury of the county of Tipperary in Ireland, had lately under consideration the propri- ety of building a new county jail, and came to the following resolutions, which were published in the newspapers : 1st. — Resolved, That the present jail is insuffi- cient, and tbat another ought to be built. 2d. — Resolved, that the materials of the old jail be employed in constructing the new one. 3d. — -Resolved, That the old jail shall not be taken down until the new one be finished, Epictetus. — It is reported, that When his mas- ter once put his leg to the torture, Epictetus with great composure, and even smiling, observed to him, ' you will certainly break my leg :' which ac- cordingly happened ; and he continued in the same tone of voice — * did I not tell you, that you would break my leg ?' Carter's Epict. InirocL 34. Collins the poet. — Dr. Johnson says, c after Collins' return from France, I paid him a visit at Islington, where he was waiting for his sister whom he had directed to meet him : there was then no- thing of disorder discernable in his mind by any but himself ; but he had withdrawn from study, and travelled with no other book than an English Testament, such as children carry to school : when I took it into my hand, out of curiosity to see what 182 ©empanion a man of letters had chosen.' c I have but one book/ says Collins, ' but that is the best/ Co!li?is'' Life. Jlled'cine. — It is a common saying, that every man, after the age of forty, should be his own phy- sician. This seems, however, to be a dangerous maxim. The greatest physicians, when they are sick, seldom venture to prescribe for themselves, but generally rely on the adviee of their medical friends. Persons, who pretend to be their own physicians, are generally much addicted to quack- cry, than which, nothing can be more injurious to the constitution. Sir J. Sinclair, on Longevity. ■ 1st the education of their children, the Anglo- Saxons only sought to render them dauntless and apt for the two most important occupations of their future lives, war and the chase.* It was a usual trial of a child's courage, to place him on the sloping roof of a building, and if without scream- ing or terror he held fast, he was styled ( a stout hjero' or brave boy. In private life, the Anglo-Saxons were devout to the extreme of credulity ; and hospitable to drunken extravagance; their manners were rough, but social ; when married, each side respected the nuptial tie, and most of the ladies suckled their own children. * Asser, the biographer of Alfred, mentions with amazement that the king made his youngtst son Ethel- ward be taught to read, before he made him acquainted with hunting. 185 Their boards were plainly but plentifully served; Large joints of roasted meat seem to have had the preference ; salted victuals were much in use. At table, the rank of the guests was strictly ob- served ; and by the laws of Canute, a person sitting above his proper Station was to be pelted out of his pi .-'.c s by bones, at the discretion of the company, without the privilege of taking offence. The dress of the Anglo-Saxon gentleman was % loose cloak which reached down to the ancles ; and over that a long robe fastened over both shoul- ders on the m'.ddie of the breast, by a clasp or buckle. These cloaks and robes were frequently* lined with rich furs, and bordered with gold or embroidery. Andrew" s Hist, of '&. Britain. Whilst Frederick Morel, that great scholar and eminent printer, was employed in his edition ot'Libanius, one day, he was told that his wife was suddenly taken ill. ' I have only two or three sen- tences to translate, and then 1 will come and look at her.' A second message informed him, that she was dying. 6 1 have only two words to write, and I will be there as soon as you,' replied the philos- opher. At length, he was told his wife was dead. * I am very sorry for it indeed : she was a very honest woman, 9 Vossius. * Wulstm, bishop of Worcester, was mocked by the bishop of Constance for wearinga mantle lined with the fur of l.mbg, and advised at least, to adorn his cloak ■with cat-skins. * Alas ! my brother,' replied Wnlstan, ' f have often heard of the L m > of God, but never of his c it,' This piece of wit turned the laugh against tfer German prelate. 184 Lord Nelson, when about eight years old, be* ing on a visit at his aunt's, went one clay a bird-nest- ing, and wandered so far that he did not return home till long after it was dark. The lady, who had been much alarmed by his absence, rated him soundly, and amongst other things said, ' I wonder fear did not drive you.' ( Fear /' replied the boy, with great simplicity, ' J dorft k?ioiv him. 9 •Memoirs of Lord Nelson. Ax intimate friend of the celebrated Hume, asked him what he thought of Mr. Whitfield's preaching ; for he had listened to the latter part of one of his sermons at Edinburg : f He is, sir,' said Mr. Hume, 'the most ingenious preacher I ever heard : it is worth while to go twenty miles to hear him.' — He then repeated a passage to- wards the close of the discourse which he had heard. — e After a solemn pause, he thus addressed h's numerous audience : — ( The attendant angel is just about to leave the threshold, and ascend to heaven. — And shall he ascend, and not bear with him the news of one sinner, among all this multi- tude, reclaimed from the error of his ways ?' — s To give the greater effect to this exclamation, he stamped with his foot, lifted up his hands and eyes to heaven, and with gushing tears, cried aloud, c stop, Gabriel ! stop, Gabriel ! stop ere you enter the sacred portals, and yet carry with yon the news of one sinner converted to God.' — He then, in the- most simple, but energetic language, decribed, what he called, a Saviour's dying love to sinful man ; so that almost the whole assembly meUed into tears 185 This address was accompanied with such animated, yet natural action, that it surpassed any thing I ever saw or heard in any other preacher.' M. Mir. 1808. It is a remarkable fact, which history was eith- «r too idle to ascertain, or too much ashamed to relate, that the arras of Cromwell communicated to Scotland, with other benefits, the first news-paper which had ever illuminated the gloom, or dispel- led the fanatacism, of the north. Each army car- ried its own printer with it ; expecting either to ©onvince by its reaso ing, or delude by its false- hood. King Charles carried Robert Barker with, him to Newcastle, in 1639. And General Crom- well conveyed Christopher Higgins to Leith, in 1652 When Cromwell had here established a citadel, Higgins reprinted, in November, 1652, what had been already published at London, a di- urnal of some passages and affairs, for the infor- mation of the English soldiers. Mercurius Politicus was first reprinted, at Leith, on the 26th of Octo- ber, 1653. The reprinting of it was transferred to Edinburg, in November, 1654; where it con- tinued to be published, till the 11th of April, 1660 : and was then reprinted, under the name of Mercu- rius Publicus. Chaimer's Life of JRuddhnan. When the brave admiral Kempenfelt, unhap- pily lost in the Royal George, was coming into port to have his ship paid off, a sailor eyed a gold- laced velvet waistcoat which his commander wore, with great earnestness Rndj in hh best sea fashion, 186 begged to know who made it. The admiral per- ceiving his drift, gave him the necessary informa- tion, and Jack went ashore. He forthwith ap- plied to the admiral's tailor, who knowing the hu- mours of his customers, went with him to buy the materials, and at last asked what he would have the back made of ! ' Made of ?' said Jack, * the same as the front to be sure.' The tailor remonstrated, but in vain ; so the waistcoat was made and put on with an old greasy jaeket over it. One day, in the High-street, the admiral met his man in this curious dress, which occasioned him to laugh heartily ; and this merry fit was not a little increased, when Jack coming up to him, lifted up the hind part of his jacket, and shewed his gold laced back, and exclaimed — • D — n me, old boy, no false colours ; stem and stern alike, by G — d !' Naval Anecdotes, p. 335. At eunuch of infamous character had caused the following inscription to be written above his door : * Let nothing bad enter this door.' — ' And where,' said Diogenes, ' shall the master of the house enter ?' Feneforis Life of Diogenes, p. 132. Ax instance of a singular challenge occurs in the biography of lieutenant-colonel Wood, a dis- tinguished officer in queen Anne's reign. A Frenchman at Ghent, being detected in coin- ing false money, was tried and condemned. When he was put to the rack, he confessed that a major De Fuiney, of lord Gal way's regiment, was an ac- complice i but, before his execution (which wa* 187 done by throwing him into a cauldron of red-hot oil,) he as strenuously denied it : nevertheless, the major would have surely met the same fate, if the generosity of the English governor had not protect- ed him till the army went into the field, which was in 1697 ; when the major was ordered to be tried by a court-martial, of which colonel Wood was president, and the major was broken and declared incapable of ever again serving. At this> his friends were so enraged, that they talked freely, and even scandalously, concerning the decision of the court. On colonel Wood's hearing of this, it so much hurt him, that he posted the following general challenge on a church-door at Brussels : " Whereas the proceedings of the court-martial which cashiered major Abraham De Fuiney, and whereof I was president, have been scandalously misrepresented to the world by some of his na- tion ; I do hereby declare, that if any Frenchmen, of what rank in the army, or quality whatsoever, have said or do say, that the court-martial which cashiered the said De Fuiney, has done him any injustice, they are rascals, cowards, and villains, and do scandalously lie : and, that they all may know who it is that has publicly set up this decla- ration, to vindicate the honour of his nation, of the eourt-martial, and of himself, and to throw the villanous scandal upon themselves, which most unworthily they would have put upon an English oourt-martial, I have hereunto set my name, Cornelius Wood." The Frenchmen in our service were alarmed at this general challenge : ah of thera thought them- 18$ selves tonterned therein, but more particularly the major's brother, who sent the colonel a letter, some- what of the nature of a challenge. He gave it to his aid-de-camp, charging him to say nothing of the contents to any person whatever ; and then riding to Brussels, met his antagonistic the park, when he pushed so vigorously at him, that the Frenchman chose rather to trust to his heels than his sword, and the colonel being in very heavy boots, could not overtake him before he got out at the gate. The colonel having thus put his life at stake in vindication of the ho- our of his cou' try, had run as great a hazard by fighting in the park be- longing to the court of Brussels, it being death by the law of the country : but the ladies interposing for the life of so gallant a man, procured his par- don from the elector of Bavaria ; on receiving which he said, 6 that he was ignorant of the laws of the country ; yet, if it had been at the altar, he would have answered a challenge where the honour of the English nation was concerned.' ■Life °f Col. Wood. The late dean Swift, of eccentric memory, onee preached a charity sermon at St. Patrick's Church, Dublin, the length of which disgusted many of his auditors; which coming to his knowledge, and it falling to his lot soon after to preach another ser- mon of the like kird in the same place, he took special care to avoid falling into the former error. His text was, < He that hath pity upon the poor, iendeth u.ito the Lord, and that which he hath given, will he pay him again,' The deaa, after 18§ repeating his text in a more than eammonly era- phatical tone, added, c Sfow, my beloved brethren, you hear the terms of this loan ; if you like the security, down with your dust.' It is worthy of remark, that the quaintness and brevity of this sermon produced a very large contribution. Anecdotes of Sxvift. As" Athenian, one day, reproached Anacharsis, for his being a Scythian : ' My country,' replied he, * dishonours me ; but you are a dishonour to your country.' — He was asked, What was the best, and »d\at was the worst thing, which men possess ? *The tongue,' replied he. Fenelori's Life of Anacharsis , v. 1, p> 178. Upok the decease of one of the Guarauro In- dians, who inhabit a part of the Spanish posses- sions, in South America, his companions take up the corpse, and throw it into the river Oronooko, tied with a cord, which they fasten to a tree. On the following day they drag out the carcass ; when they find it a skeleton, perfectly clean and w< ite, stripped of the flesh, which has been devoured by fish. They disjoint the bones, and lay them up curiously in a basket, which they hang upon the roof of the house. Deports Travels. A:\roNG the Laplanders, especially the rusties, inhabiting Finmark, there is a custom, that when in a scarcity of tobacco, ten or even more smoke by turns from the same pipe. They thus order it : they sit down in a circle, then he who is fond of a 190 pipe and tobaeeo, after a few whiffs, from his seat, offers the pipe to him who sits next to him, who, taking also two or three whiflfs, passes the pipe to his next man, and thus on, until the owner shall have equally shared it among all his companions ; a courtesy of this kind is esteemed very liberal and honourable in that nation, and. he, who performs it, obtains considerable favour among them. JLeems* .Account of Danish Lapland. There was a time in this kingdom, when let- ters were so low, that whoever could prove him* self, in a court of justice, able to read a verse in the New Testament, was vested with the highest priv- ileges ; and a clergyman, who knew any thing of grammar, was looked upon as a prodigy. In those enlightened days, a rector of a parish, as we are told, going to law with his parishioners about pa- ving the church, quoted this authority as from St. Peter, ' pave ant UU, non paveam ego ,-' which he construed, s they are to pave the church, not I :' and this was allowed to be good law by a judge, who was an ecclesiastic too. Alfred the Great complained, towards the end of the ninth century, that 'from the Humber to the Thames there was not a priest, who understood the liturgy in his mo- ther-tongue, or who could translate the easiest piece of Latin :' and a correspondent of Abelard, about the middle of the twelfth, complimenting him upon a resort of pupils from all countries, says, ' that even Britain, distant as she was, sent her savages to be instructed by him' — remota Britan- nia sua animaUa erudienda destinabaU 191 If the clergy had then, as they are said to have had, all the learning among themselves, what a blessed state must the laity have been in ? And so indeed it appears, for there is extant an old act of parliament, which provides, that f a nobleman shall be entitled to the benefit of his clergy, even though he cannot read :' and another law cited by judge Rolls in his abridgment, sets forth, that * the command of the sheriff to his officer, by word of mouth, and without writing, is good ; for it may be, that neither the sheriff nor his officer can write or read.' Cabinet. After the action near Breslaw in Silesia, be- tween the Prussians and the Austrlans, which pre- eeded the battle of LJsia, and before the two armies met in this latter contest, a French soldier in Fred- erick's service, who had just deserted, was stopped, and conducted to the king. ( Why did you leave me ?' said Frederick. * Because,' answered the soldier, ' your affairs are too desperate.'— 6 Well/ replied the king, e go back to your colours ; we shall have another battle soon ; and, if I lose it, corne and find me out, and you and I will desert together.' Military Mentor, v. 1, p. 236. Y^hen Edward VI. had suppressed an insurrec- tion in Cornwall, Kingston, a provost was sent with dreadful powers to Bodmin, and waiting on the mayor, told him he wished to have a gallows erected, for there must be an execution in town af- ter dinner. The mayor gavrj the necessary orders, fixed his eye upon a neighbouring miller, whom be 192 knew had been concerned in the revolt, invited the provost to his house, where they dined, and drank together as friends. Alter dinner, the mayor, im- patient of delay, told the provost he had punctual- ly executed his orders. * You will oblige me,' says the provost, ' if you will lead me to the place,' which done, 'Is it strong enough ?' says the officer. 'Doubtless,' savs the magistrate. ' Then get up and try,' says the provost. 'You are not in earnest !' says the other : * Indeed I am/ replied the provost, 'for you are one of the rebels, and the gallows you erected for another, is only for yourself,* and im- mediately executed him. Hutlons Court of Hequcs:s, p. 270. Da^tzic is called Gedanum in Latin ; and the German word is derived from the verb da?itze?i, which signifies to dance. The origin of this ety- mology is the following ; a number of peasants ge- nerally assembled on the spot where it is built, and intending to build a town, they applied to the bishop, whose property the ground was, for leave to build houses upon it, who gave them as much ground as they could encircle whilst holding each other by the hand, and making a round in the form of a dance. JRegnurcTs Travels. Ahiosto made no distinction in his food, but always ate of that which was next hixii, and often ate a small loaf or roll after he had dined. He was in general so lost in meditation, that he attend- ed little to what passed. It so happened that a strauecr once came to visit him at dinner time, p,nd 193 while his guest was talking, Ariosto ate the meat that was set before him; for which being after- wards reproved bj his brother, he only coolly re- plied, * That the loss was the stranger's, and that he ought to have taken care of himself.' As he himself could pronounce very well, so it was a great penance to him to hear others pro- nounce ill that which himself had written excellently well. Insomuch as they tell of h:m, how corning one day by a potter's shop that h.td many earthen vessels ready made to sell on his stall, the potter fortuned, at that time, to sing some stave or ther out of Orlando Furioso, I think where Rinaldo re quested his horse to tarry for him, in the first book, the S2d stanza, Ferma, Baiardo, mio, deh, fernia il piede Che 1' csscr senza de troppo rni n&oce. Stay, my Bayardo, stay I thy flight restrain, Much ha$ thy want to-d y perpkx'd thy lorrit- or some such grave matter lit for a potter : but he plotted the verses out so ill-fav iuredly, (as might well beseem his dirty occupation,) that Ariosto be- ing, or at least making semblance to be, in a great rage withal, with a little walking stick he had in his hand, br. ke divers of the pots; the poor potter, put quite bes de his song, and almost beside ■:.- self, to see his market half marred before it quarter done, in a pitiful tone or manner, bet- railing and whining, asked, What he meant to wrong a poor man that had never done him injury in all his life ? f Yes, varlet/ quoth Ariosto, «'I am yet scarce even with thee for the wrong thou hast i 194 done me here before my face, for I have broken but half a dozen base pots of thine, that are not worth so many half pence, but thou hast broken, and mangled a fine stanza of mine, worth a mark of gold.' Life of Ariosto, p. 91. A West I^miAX, who had a remarkably fiery nose, having fallen asleep in his chair, a negro boy who was in waiting, observed a musquito hovering round his face. Quashi eyed the insect very at- tentively ; at last, he saw him alight on his master's nose, and immediately fly off. ' Ah, d n you heart,' exclaimed the negro, ( me d n glad see you burn you foot? Edinbro' Budget, p. 159. Se^iE courtiers brought before pope Benedict XII. his father clothed otherwise than beseemed his condition ; he would not acknowledge him until he had reassumed the habit of a miller, nor give him anything but wherewithal to buy a mill. He often said popes should neither have kindred nor allies, and that they were not administrators of church livings to enrich their own kindred. JWatthieu on Philippa the Catanian, trans* lated by Sir T. Maivkins, p. 347. At dinner to day I happened to mention the tomb of Petrarch's Laura, which I often visited formerly in the convent where she was buried ; 5nd of which I this morning, in vain, inquired the 7>lace. ' There is nothing singular in your disap- pointment, 5 said one of the party, * the convent, is. which h*r ashes reposed, is sold and demolish- 195 ed, and the ehapel, in which a tomb-stone indicat- ed her rest, is now transformed into a stable of mules and of jack-asses. If you will take a walk after dinner, you will have an opportunity to de- plore this shocking outrage offered to beauty and genius.' I accompanied him : the ehapel was in- habited by six mules and their drivers, as civilized and sensible as themselves, by two jack-asses, lay- ing down on the tomb-stone of Laura. It was not without some difficulty, that we could remove them so far as to see that of the inscription, nothing re- mained but ' Laura' and ( requiescat in pace? No ! not even her remains have been left unpolluted by the abominable monsters, that rever- ed nothing, either sacred, respectable or admirable. Dutens 9 Memoirs. Thetis are three requisites to form conjugal happiness, prudence, good-nature, and love. Pru- dence and good-nature are very different things, and not under command ; but, whenever they ap- pear, love is as sure to follow, as the chaise the horses. When this trio meet, happiness will grow with time, and like the oak, flourish in old age. No decays of beauty, or of bealth ; no mutilations of body, or wrinkles in the face can diminish it.— But if we look into the world, we shall find the matches of this amiable description almost as thin- ly scattered as the righteous men in Sodom. Button's Court of Requests, p. 387. The duchess of Burgundy, when she was very young, seeing an officer at supper oue evening with I 2 195 .Lewis XIV. who had no reason to be proud of the beauty of his countenance, was very loud in the ridicule of his person. « Madam,' said the king to her, still louder, ( I think him one of the handsomest men irf my kingdom, for he is one of the bravest !' J. C. The dreadful massacres in South America, by which millions of poor Indians were savagely ex- tirpated, hare rendered the Spanish name detest- able on thajt vast continent. One of the generals of this nation, however, was not insensible to the dictates of humanity. He was desirous to spare the effiision of blood, and to owe his conquest to the more innocent arts of stratagem. With this view he proposed to the chiefs of certain nations, who adored the sun, that either of the two parties which should appear visibly protected by heaven should reign over the other, who moreover should embrace their religion : that the Americans there- fore should implore the assistance of the sun ; while the Spaniards should invoke the protection of the invisible and supreme being whom they adored as Lord of the sun and of the whole world. This being consented to, the next day the Spanish general assured the American chiefs, that he had been praying to the true God to obscure the splend- dour of that great luminary which his enemies worshipped ; that by such a signal he might sub- due them to his laws, and to the dominion of the king of Spain. c In tv.-o hours,' added the crafty Spaniard, < this will certainly happen.' He knew that there would be an eclipse precisely at that 197 time ; and the poor Indians, not having the least acquaintance with astronomy, were so astonished to see the prediction of the Spaniard fulfilled, that from that moment they submitted themselves to the religion and government of Spain. Military Mentor, v. l,/>. 171. Scipio the younger, in four and fifty years (for so long he lived) neither bought nor sold, nor yet built ; and it is for certain reported, that in so great an house and substance as his might seem to be, there was never found but three and thirty pound weight of silver plate, and two of gold, not- withstanding the city of Great Carthage was in his hand, and he had enriched his soldiers more than any captain ever did before him. Holland's Plutarch's Mor. p. 433. Two sailors went into a church at Plymouth, on the thanksgiving-day, both of whom belonged to the Temeraire, in the ever memorable battle of Trafalgar. The clergyman, in the course of his sermon, mentioned the words ' glorious victory,' on which one of the tars observed to the other, * Hear, Jaek, there's the Victory.' The clergy- man pronounced the word ( victory' a second time ; on which the tar observed, { Mind, Jack, there's the Victory again.' The clergyman not long after mentioned the word • victory' a third time ; on which the irritated tar observed to his companion, ' D — n my eyes, Jack, if we stay here any longer — that fellow has mentioned the Victory three times, and never mentioned the Temeraire* id 198 that was in the hottest part of the engagement, and took two ships.' Naval Anecdotes 9 p. 432. The attention of philosophers and naturalists was at a certain period long and ardently excited by a number of fossil skeletons discovered in a marsh on the banks of the Ohio. These were considered at the time, as bones of elephants, but afterwards proved by an eminent and indefatigable anatomist, not to be remains of that animal, but of a species of a carnivorous kind, more enormous in bulk, and now wholly extinct or unknown. A modern theorist of a lively and eccentric cast has, in his own opinion, easily solved the mystery, by sitppo Hug that tbt bones i:. question are the re- mains O'' certain angelic b ^ings, the original tenants of this our terrestriai globe in its primitive state ; till for their transgr issions both were involved in ruin ; after which, tiiis shattered planet was re- fitted for the accommodation of its present inhab- itants ! i ! Cabinet, p. 102. The subjoined extract of a letter from admiral Nelson t hi* lady, dated \ an guard, St. Peter's island, off Sardinia, May 24, 1798, is one of the many instances which have been adduced o- the religious tendency of the writer's mind. It relates to the storm, in which admiral Nelson's detached squadron was separated and much dama ged, while in quest of the French fleet : — ■ My dearest Fanny, ( I ought not to call what has happened to the Vanguard by the cold name of accident ; I firmly 199 believe it was the Almighty's goodness to check my consummate vanity. I hope it has made me a bet- ter officer, as I feel it has made me a better man ; I kiss with ail humility the rod. Figure to your- self on Sunday evening, at sun-set, a vain man walking in his cabin, with a squadron around him, who looked up to their chief to head them to glory, and in whom their chief placed the firmest reliance, that the proudest ships of equal numbers belonging to France would have lowered their Hags ; and with a very rich prize lying by him. — Figure to yourself on Monday morning, when the sun rose, this proud conceited man, his ship dismasted, his fleet dispers- ed, and himself in such distress, that the meanest frigate out of France would have been an unwel- come guest. But it has pleased Almighty God to bring us into a safe port, where, although we are refused the rights of humanity, yet the Van- guard will, in two days, get to sea again as an En- glish man of war.' Hair powder was first introduced by ballad singers at the fair of St. Germaine, in the year 1641. In the beginning of the reign of George I only two ladies wore powder in their hair, and they were pointed at for their singularity. At the coronation of George II. there were only two hair- dressers in London. In the year 1795, it was calculated, that there were in the kingdom of Great Britain, fifty thousand hair dressers ! supposing each of them to use one pound of fiour in a day, — this upon an average would amount to 1 8,250,009 pounds in one year, whick would make 5,314,280 i4 2§0 quartern loaves, which at only nine-pence each, re- mounts to 1, 145/1-201. British money. This state- ment does not take in the quantity of flour used by the soldiers, or that which is consumed by those who dress their own hair. Cabinet, p. 99. Deaist Swift one time was on a visit to the Ludlow family, who, wishing to make the place agreeable to the dean, it appears had invited a number of his friends for that purpose. One night after the family had retired to rest, Sheridan had occasion to go into the yard. Not easily finding the outer door, or the same perhaps being locked, he returned to his room : but from dire necessity, for om?ies eodem cogimur, was com- pelled to find the yard in his own chamber. The dean, whose observation nothing escaped, comes to the knowledge of it, and taxes Sheridan with the fact. Sheridan stiffly denies, and Swift as stiffly afnrms it. A half-crown, slipped into the hand of the chamber-maid, puts the matter out of doubt ; and the assizes being at hand, the dean determines to try Sheridan according to law. For this pur- pose the neighbors are summoned ; the better sort as grand jurors, the inferior as a petty jury, who should try the culprit. Those who know the influence which the higher orders possess over the lower in Ireland, will easily credit this part of the story : especially as that influence was then much greater than it is at present ; to say nothing of Swift's own authority, whose commands were al- ways absolute. A tribunal was erected, and all things prepared in due and regular form. A plain 201 kitchen table is turned with its top downward, and into this dock Sheridan is put wigless and bare- headed ; while Swift himself mounts the seat of justice, with his own wig frizzed and brushed into a t full bottom, and set inverted on his head : a servant maid's scarlet cloak is flung over his shoulders, to represent the robes of a judge, and Aaron's band is converted into that of ctiief justice. The grand jury are sworn, and the bill found ; the petty jury sworn in their turn, and the prisoner put on his trial. The crier commands silence, and the law- yers are ranged. The utmost gravity and decorum prevail ; and the only smile that passed on the oc- casion, arose from the ludicrous circumstance of Mr. Stopford, who, being feed for the crown, de- clared he could not do his duty as a true lawyer, unless be should be feed on both sides. A second fee, therefore, is given him in open court on be- half of the prisoner ; and he told my mother he actually received by the double fee eighteen shil- lings. He is said to have conducted himself with, wonderful humour and address through the whole of the trial. The Jacksons and Grattans had like- wise their respective stations in the cause. Most- of the servants are examined, and the pot-de~ chambre carefully examined also. The chamber- maid in particular undergoes a severe examination^, and cross-examination : but the fact is not yet suffi- ciently established, The modest, the beautiful Mrs. Ludlow herself is hauled into court, weeping and sinking with shame : neither tears nov entrea- ties can avail her : sworn she must be; jut just, as the play -book, on which the other witnesses h*tc- 202 given their testimony, was tendered to her, ' Hold,' cried the judge, e let her be sworn on the very vessel itself ; it is an emblem of her purity :' and poor Mrs. Ludlow, sobbing and blushing, is com- pelled to kiss the filthy mirror of her purity. Her testimony closes the scene : Swift sums up the evidence in form, gravely leaving the whole of the case to the consideration of the jury. Their ver- dict, as might be expected, is that of guilty ; and Swift, with all the solemnity of justice, pronounces sentence of death on the trembling Sheridan, aw- fully concluding with * The Lord have mercy on your soid P A rope is produced : Sheridan sees he shall be hanged pro forma ; out of the dock he springs, and Hies up stairs, the whole court in full cry after him. But fear having added wings to his fcet 3 he had sufficient time to bolt his chamber door, which he barricadoed as well as he could with what furniture was in the room. Here for two hours he remained besieged : at length he capitu- lated, on a solemn assurance that he should not be hanged. In a day or two the judges arrive ; and hearing the contempt that Swift had put upon them, send an express with an account of it to the lord lieuten- ant, who very wisely laughed at the frolic. Not finding the redress they expected, they make a formal complaint to the bishops, who had nearly resolved to take up the matter seriously ; till one among them, somewhat more prudent than the • est, recommended that the whole should be hushed fe. Sv&ftiana, v. % p. 213. 205 Le Pere Arritts said — When Le Pere Bour- daloue preached at Rouen, the tradesmen forsook their shops, lawyers their clients, physicians their sick ; but, when I preached the following year, I set all to rights — every man minded his own business. To dine out when you are going to play, is thought wrong, but foolishly so, unless there is some other objection besides that of getting drunk. Recollect that you are in England. The audience is English, and the greater part will have a fellow feeling for you. Some two or three sober block- heads may hiss, but you'll benefit by this, for it will bring down all your friends. When you can't speak, and they hiss, don't leave the stage, but make a speech. Press your hand to your heart, turn up your eyes, and give them to understand that it is grief, and not liquor, and you have them at once. If you feel hurt, (as you ought, and in- dig jant too,) at their disapprobation, when you quit the scene, drink more. In singing, never mind the music— observe what time you please. It would be a pretty degradation indeed, if you were obiiged to confine your genius to the dull regularity of a fiddler — ' horse hairs and cafs guts' — no, lee him keep your time, and play your tune. — Dodge him. Swiff s Directions for Players. Plato spent his time in celibacy, observed the strictest rules of decorum, and never transgressed the laws of continence. Such was his self-com- ipand, that, eyenin his youth, he was never observ- 204 ed to laugh "immoderately ; and so completely had lie the mastery over his passions, that he was never observed to be angry. Connected with this, is the account given us of a young man, who had been brought up with him. This youth having been afterwards brought home by his parents, was one day surprised at seeing his father in a rage, and could not refrain remarking, 'that he had never seen any thing like this in Plato's house/ It never happened but once, that he was a little irritated against one of his slaves, who had committed a considerable fault. He made him be corrected by another ; saying that, c as he was a little angry, he himself was not in a capacity to punish him.' Feneterfs Life of Plato, v. 2. p. 32. Boxo>n, the Italian architect, walking along Pall-Mail, wrote the following pasquinade on one of the columns, which, contrary to every rule and principle of architecture, stand insulated in the front of Carleton House, supporting nothing : Ah, my dear columns, Why s' ard ye so ? * Indeed, rny good sir, * We do not know. 5 M. S. A saxlou, who had been many years absent from his mother, who lived in an inland county, returned to his native village, after a variety of voyages to different parts of the globe, and was heartily wel- comed home by the good old woman, who had long considered him as lost. Soon after his arriv- al, the old lady became inquisitive and desirous t% 205 team what strange things her son John had seen upon the mighty deep. Amongst a variety of things that Jack recollected, he mentioned his hav- ing seen flying Jish. * Stop, Johnny,' says bis mo- ther, f do 5 t try to impose such monstrous' impos- sibilities upon me, child ; for, in good truth, I could as soon believe you had seen flying coxvs ; for cows you know, John, can live out of water. There- fore tell me honestly what you have seen in real- ity, but no more falsehoods, Johnny.' Jack felt himself affronted ; and, turning his quid about, when pressed for more curious infor- mation, he said, prefacing it with an oath, 'May- hap, mother,you won't believe me, when I tell you, that, casting our anchor once in the Red Sea, it was with difficulty we hove it up again ; which was occasioned, do you see, mother, by a large wheel hanging on one of the flukes of the anchor. It appeared a strange old Grecian to look at; so we hoisted it in, and our captain, do ye mind me, being a scholar, overhauled him, and discovered it was one of Pharaoh's chariot-wheels, when he was capsized in the Red Sea.' This suited the meridian of the old lady's understanding ; ( Ay, ay, Johnny,' cried she, * I can believe this, for we read of it in the bibie ; but never talk to me of flying fish.' Struggles through J.ife, by lieut, John Harriott, Introd. p. xii. The custom of visiting Rome to receive a ple- nary absolution of all sins was begun in 1300, from a rumour that this had been practised before* It was not, however, to be found in the ancient 206 records : but an old man, aged 107, being ques- tioned about it, said tbat he remembered that, in the year 1200, his father, who was a labourer, went to Rome to gain this indulgence. It was accordingly confirmed by the bull of pope Boniface ; and Cle- ment VI. gave it the name of the jubilee, who, in a clause of the bull issued for fixing its celebration at every fifty years, is said to speak as follows : s The sovereign pontiff, in virtue of the authority he holds from the apostles, renews the souls of those who receive this indulgence to the same state they were in after baptism ; and he orders the an- gels to introduce them immediately to paradise, without obliging them on their way thither to pass through purgatory.' Dobson's Petrarch> v. 2, p. 44. WeE5 lord Howe commanded in America, he sent orders to a certain officer of rank to defend, at all events, a post he then occupied. The officer returned for answer that it could not be done with- out a reinforcement. His lordship replied, that he could not spare any more troops, that the place could very ezdVLy be defended with what he already had, and i£he did not choose to do it, he would appoint some other officer in his place. The offi- cer still persisting in his objections, the general su- perseded him ; the post was attacked, and the as- sailants were beaten off with considerable loss. Soon afterwards the officer, who had been super- seded, attended the general's levee ; he told lord Howe he had a particular favour to request ; the general demanded him to name it ; the officer 207 stammered oat something. «I understand you/ said the gallant general, e l wave all considerations of rank, if you think I have injured you: name your time and place ; I will be punctual.' The officer bowed and retired. On the morning they met. ( You think yourself the injured person,' said his lordship, ' take the first fire.' The officer levelled his pistol ; it missed its aim. His lordship fired his pistol in the air. * Are you satisfied ?' said he. ' No,' said the officer, and again he aimed his weapon at the general's heart ; again the general fired in the air. e Are you now satisfied ?' ' No ;' and once more the revengeful miscreant levelled the deadly tube ; the hand of Omnipotence again turned it aside. The general now walked coolly up to his antagonist. 6 1 always had a bad opinion of you,' said he, 6 and I see I was right. Good morning to you.' JMiliiary Jliemoirs. At Eisaccio, Manso had an opportunity to ex- amine the singular effects of Tasso's melancholy ; and often disputed with him concerning a familiar spirit which he pretended to converse with. Manso endeavoured in vain to persuade his friend that the whole was tbe illusion of a disturbed imagination : but the latter was strenuous in maintaining the reality of what he had asserted ; and, to convince Manso, desired him to be present at one of those mysterious conversations. Manso had the com- plaisance to meet him the next day, and while they were engaged in discourse, on a sudden he observ- ed that Tasso kept his eyes fixed upon a window, and remained in a manner immoveable : he called £08 kirn by his name several times, but received n© answer : at last, Tasso cried out, ' There is the friendly spirit who is come to converse with me : look, and you will he convinced of the truth of all that I have said.' Manso heard him with surprise : he looked, hut saw nothing except the sun-beams darting through the window : he cast his eyes all over the room, but could perceive nothing, and was just going to ask where tbe pretended spirit was, when he heard Tasso speak with great earnest- ness, sometimes putting questions to the spirit, antf sometimes giving answers, delivering the whole in such a pleasing Manner, and with such elevated expressions, that he listened with admiration, and had not the least inclination to interrupt him. At last, this uncommon conversation ended with the departure of the spirit, as appeared by Tasso's words : who turning towards Manso, asked him if his doubts were removed. Manso was more amaz- ed than ever ; he scarce knew what to think of his friend's situation, and waved any further conversa- tion on the subject. ffoGle's Life of Tasso, p. 39. The following is taken from the justly admired Essay on the Human Understanding, written by Mr. Lock, who relates the fact in the words of Sir William Temple. 1 1 had a mind,' says Sir William, • to know from prince Maurice's own mouth the account of a common, but -much credited story of an old par- rot he had seen in Brazil, during his government there, that spoke ar.d asked, and ans were ^/ common questions like a reasonable creature ; so that those 209 of his train there generally concluded it to be -wit- chery or possession ; and one of his chaplains, who lived long afterwards in Holland, would never, from that time, endure a parrot, hut said they all had a devil in them. I had heard many particu- lars of this story, and assevered by people hard to be discredited ; which made me ask prince Mau- rice, what there was in it ? He said, with his usual plainness and dryness of talk, there was some- thing true, hut a great deal false of what had been reported. I desired to know of him, what there was of the first ? He told me short and coldly, that he had heard of such an old parrot, when he went to Brazil ; and though he believed nothing of it, and it was a good way off, he had the cu- riosity to send for it : that it was a very great and very old one ; and when it came first into the room where the prince was with a good many Dutchmen about him, it said presently. What a company of -white men are here ! They asked it, what it thought, that man was, pointing at the prince — It answered, Some general or other. When they brought it elose to him, he asked it, Whence came you ? It answered, FromJVIirannan. The prince, To whom do you belong ? The parrot. To a Portuguese. The prince, What do you do there ? The parrot, I look after the chickens. The prince laughed and said, You look after the chickens / The parrot answered, Yes, I ; and 1 know how to do it well, and made the chuck, chuck, chuck, three or four times, that people use to make to chickens, when they call them. 210 * I set down the words of this worthy dialogue/ continues Sir William, 'just as prince Maurice said them to me.* I asked him in what language the parrot conversed ? And he said, in Brazilian. I asked him, whether he understood Brazilian ? He said, no : but he had taken care to have two interpreters by him, the one a Dutchman who spoke Brazilian, the other a Brazilian who spoke Dutch ; — that he asked them separately and pri- vately ; and both of them agreed in telling him just the same thing that the parrot said.' Mrs. Ch y, having subscribed for forty copies of Dr. Johnson's Shakspeare, told Mr. Mur- phy that she wished to pay the money in the Doc- tor's own hands, for the pleasure of being introduc- ed to him. A day was accordingly appointed ; and they called upo*\ Johnson, who at this time lived in Gray's-inn, about one o'clock. They rap- ped at the outer door of his chambers for some time ; but no person appearing, they were on the point of going away, when they heard somebody bustling towards the door; which, when opened, exhibited the doctor just risen from his bed, in his shirt, without a night-eap, and in his hand a certain utensil, which (from some unaccountable absence of mind) he carried steadily before him. Startled at such a sight, the lady wished to retire ; but the doctor with great sang froid, desired them to step * S*r William gives the words in French, the Ian. guage in which prince Maurice and he converse*}. The above is a literal translation of thesis 211 into the next room till he was dressed, and theft very deliberately walked hack to his bed-chamber. Foote's Memoirs, v. 3, p. 38. Tasso's first poem Rinaldo, published in his eighteenth year, extended his reputation through all Ttaly, bat his father was so displeased with his deserting the law for the society of the muses, that he went to Padua on purpose to reprimand him. Though he spoke w*th great vehemerce, and made use of F-evfral harsh expressions, Torquato heard him without interrupting him, and his composure •or.tribnted not a little to increase his father's dis- pleasure ( Te'l roe, 5 said Bernardo/* of what use is thatTain philosophy, upo which you pride your- self so much V (t i has enabled me,'' said Tasso mod- estly, ( to endure the harshness of your reproofs.' Mooters Life of Tasso, p. 24* In the note underneath I have thrown together a few facts which may be passed over by those who have no taste for literary anecdotes. f Voiture was the^son of a vintner, and like our Prior, was so mortified whenever reminded of his original occupation, that it was said of him, that wine which cheered the heart of all men, sickened that of Voiture. Rousseau, the poet, was the son of a cobbler ; and when his honest parent waited at the door of the theatre, to embrace his son on the success of his first piece, the inhuman poet re- pulsed the venerable father with insult and con- tempt. Akenside ever considered his lameness as ait uasupportable misfortune, since it continuity" 21$ reminded him of his origin, being occasioned by the fall of a cleaver from one of his father's blocks, a respectable butcher. Milton delighted in contem- plating his own person, and the engraver not having reached our sublime bard's c ideal grace, 3 he has pointed his indignation in four iambics. . Among the complaints of Pope, is that of * the pictured shape.' Even the strong minded Johnson would not to be painted ' blinking Sam.' Mr. Rosweil tells us that Goldsmith attempted to shew his agil- ity to be superior to the dancing of an ape, whose praise had occasioned him a fit of jealousy, but he failed in imitating his rival. The inscription unde* Boileau's portrait, describing his character with lavish panegyric, and a preference to Juvenal and Horace, is unfortunately known to have been writ- ten by himself.' D? Israel? 8 Essay on the Literary Character. Doit Sancho, son of Alphonso, king of Castile, having been proclaimed king ot Egypt by the pope, who expected great things from his bravery, experience, and excellent education, asked the in- terpreter who accompanied him (for he understood not the Latin tongue) what was the reason of those shomts of applause. ' Sire,' replied he, 'the pope has created you king of Egypt.' ' We must not be ungrateful,' replied the prince. c Go thou, and proclaim the holy father caliph of Bagdat.' ' This,' concludes Petrarch, s is what I call a pleasantry well worthy of a king. They give to Don Sancho an ideal kingdom : he returns the favour with a chimerical pontificate.' JDobson's Petrarch, v. 1 9 p. 269. There is a singular and affecting trait in the character of the buffalo, when a calf; and my. feel- ings have severely felt it. Whenever a cow buffa- lo falls before the murdering lead of the hunters, and happens to have a calf, the helpless young one, far from attempting an escape, stays by its fallen dam, with signs expressive of strong and active na- tural affection. The dam thus secured, the hunter makes no attempt on the calf (knowing it to be unnecessary) but proceeds to cut up the carcase : then laying it on his horse, he returns towards home, followed by the poor calf, thus instinctively attend- ing the remains of its dam. I have seen a single hunter ride into the town of Cincinnati, between the Miames, followed in this manner, and, at the same time, by three calves, who had lost their dams by this cruel hunter. Turner's Account of the Buffalo of America. The following is an account of the large ship, built by king James IV. of Scotland, and describ- ed by his historian with the greatest exactness. The king of Scotland rigged a great ship, called the Great Michael, which was the largest, and of superior strength to any that had ever sailed from England or France ; for this ship was of so great stature, and took so much timber, that except Falk- land, she wasted all the woods in Fife, which were oak wood, with ail the timber that was gotten out of Norway ; for she was so strong, and of so great length and breadth, all the wrights of Scotland, yea, and many other strangers, were at her device, by the king's commandment, who wrought very busily 214 in her, but it was a year and a day ere she was complete : to wit, she was twelve score feet in length, and thirty-six feet within the sides; she was ten feet thick in the wall, and boards on every side so slaek and so thick that no cannon could go through her. This great ship cumbered Scot- land to get her to sea. From the time that she w r as afloat, and her masts and sails complete, with tows, anchors, offering thereto, she was counted to the king to be thirty thousand pounds of expenses ; by her artillery which was very great and costly to the king : by all the rest of her orders ; to wit, she bore many cannons, six on every side, with three great bassils, two behind in her dock, and one before, with three hundred shot of small artil- lery, that is to say, myand and battered falcon, and quarter falcon, slings, pestilent serpents, and double dogs, with hagtar and culvering, crossbows and handbows. She had three hundred mariners to sail her ; she had six score of gunners to use her artillery, and had a thousand men of war by her, captains, shippers, and quarter-masters. History of Scotland. When Faulknor returned from London, where * he had been soliciting subscriptions for his edition of Swift's works, he went to pay his respects to him, dressed in a laced wpastcoat, bag wig, and other fopperies. Swift received him as a perfect stron- ger. — f Pray, sir, what are your commands with me V ' I thought it my duty to wait on you im- mediately after my arrival from London.' s Pray, sir, who are you ?' * George Faulknor, the print- 21& er.* ( You George Faulknor the printer ! Whj f you are the most impudent, barefaced impostor I eTer heard of. Faulknor is a sober sedate citizen, and would never trick himself out in lace and other fopperies. Get about your business, and thank your stars I do not send you to th^ house of correction.' Poor George hobbled away as fast as he could, and, having changed his dress, returned immediately to the deanery. Swift, on his return, went up ami shook him by the hand with the utmost cordiality. ' My good friend George, I am heartily glad to see you safe returned. Here wag an impudent fellow in a laced waistcoat, who would fain have passed for you ; but I soon sent him packing with a flea in his ear.' Sivtftiana, v. 2. p. 3. Dr. Schmidt, of the cathedral of Berlin, wrote a letter to the king of Prussia, couched in the fol- lowing terms : — ' Sire, I acquaint your majesty first — That there are wanting books of psalms for the royal family. 1 acquaint your majesty, second —That there wants wood to warm the royal seats. I acquaint your majesty, third — That the balus- trade next the river, behind the church, is become ruinous. Schmidt, Sacrist of the Cathedral.'' The king, who was much amused by the above 3 wrote the following answer : — * I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, first — That those who want to sing, may buy books. Second — I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, that those who want to be kept warm, must buy wood. Third — I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt^ that 1 shall not trust any longer to 216 the balustrade next the river ; and I acquaint Mr. Sacrist Schmidt, fourth — That I will not have any iTiore correspondence with him/ Life of Frederick. l~s Turkey the law, which condemns the mur- derer to death, permits at the same time the near- est relations of the murdered, (one of whom is, on these occasions, the executioner) to grant him a pardon. A Turk, in haste to inherit, had murdered his father, and was condemned, on the stronge st proofs, to lose his head. One of his friends, the compan- ion of his debaucheries, hastened to the judge with a large sum of money ; where he learned that the sentence had been already pronounced. Not dis- couraged by that, he continued to press the cadi, whom the sight of such a treasure had already per- suaded. I cannot, said he to his client, acquit your friend without a proof of his innocence, stronger than the evidence on which he has been convicted. Be bold enough to declare yourself the murderer of his father, procure two witnesses, and I will condemn you to undergo the punishment to which he fc. s been sentenced ; he wiUbe immediately re- instated in all his rights, and have the power of granting you a pardon. The undertaking was cer- tainly hazardous ; no great confidence could be reposed in a parricide. Yet the convicted criminal pardoned the pretended murderer, and this villany, conducted in due form o law, was completely suc- cessful. ^Memoirs of Baron De Toit, v, l x $. 199, 217 When the rapid and dreadful conflagration hap pened on board the Boyne, a marine was peaceably sitting in his birth with his wife and son, a boy about twenty months old, just beneath the place where the misfortune began, and finding every ef- fort to escape the flames in the ordinary way inef- fectual, the man, with the greatest composure and presence of mind, took from the pens a sheep of the captain's live stock, and bracing the boy on the animal's fleecy back, dropped them into the sea, * There,' said he, ' turn to the land, and God g© with you.' Encouraged by her husband's resolu- tion, his wife leaped into the brine, and the maa followed after, supporting his companion above water, till the boats arrived to their assistance, when they were taken up, little worse for the ven- ture. The sheepj with the greatest steadiness, was seen making for the shore, with young Ben Bow- line riding upon his back, like an infant river-god, to the vast delight of the spectators on shore, who, from thetenderest motives, finding themselves in- terested in the boy's safety, rushed into the watery element to meet the young navigator, whom they presently unsheeped, and succoured with tender- ness, till he again fell into the arms of his adventu- rous parents. The singularity of this event attach- ed the patronage of a most liberal lady in the Isle of Wight, who, having prevailed on the mother of the child to leave his future fortune to her guidance, declared, in the most friendly manner, 'that as the boy had begun his naval career ou a lamb, she -would never leave him till he was able to eud it Rkealion.' Naval Jinec dotes, p. 15;>. K 218 Rethakch, in one of his letters, anno 1332, says, ' Liege is considerable from its wealth and the number of its clergy : as I had heard there were some good manuscripts to be met with, I stop- ped there. Is it not singular that in so celebrated a city, I could hardly find ink enough to copy two orations of Cicero ? and what I did meet with was yellow as saffron.' Dob sen's Life of Petrarch, v. 1, p. 55. Dr. James being once asked his opinion of the difference between a doctor and an apothecary, r.eplied, e It did not become him to decide on such a delicate point ; however, he would tell the com- pany an anecdote which perhaps might elucidate the quesuon. 'A monkey belonging to a gentleman's house in the country, observed the butler one day go into the cellar, take the spiggot out of the barrel, draw himself a jug of ale, and then return it into the barrel again. When the butler went away, Jacko, who wished to be an imitator without the capacity of his original, drew the spiggot out of the barrel ; but not knowing how to stop it again, let the beer run all about the place, while he frisked up and down stairs in the greatest fright and confusion imaginable. 5 Footers JWemoirs, v. 3, p. 75-, I>« a conversation held before Charles IX. by several learned men, it was disputed what condi- tio: \ in life was the most unfortunate. ( In my opin- ion,' said Tasso, s the most unfortunate condition is ttir.t c£ an impatient cUl man depressed with 219 poverty ; for,' added he, ( the state of tliat person is doubtless very deplorable, who has neither the gifts of fortune to preserve him from want, nor the principles of philosophy to support himself under affliction.' JToole s Life ofTasso, p. 26. In 1770, when antiquarian curiosity was so ur- gent with the dean of Westminster as topreval on him to permit several of the society to taste the pickle which had so long preserved Edward I. in so lively a manner — an antiquary well known, at- tempted to steal the king's thumb ! ! Flim Flams, v. l a f. 179. .# I XEYZit dined at the mess when I was ori the lakes, because it was kept on shore. At other times I did, and discovered that it is not true that ' the Irish gentleman is linked to his bottle/ any more than the English gentleman ; for enjoying ' perfect liberty,' no one got more drunk than an- other. The only appeal to the chair was with re- gard to one gentleman's drinking unfairly, but that was by no means a drunken Englishman's appeal ; for when the chairman offered to fine him a bum- per, the other cried, c Och, by Jasus, that's not it — he drinks unfair, I say, because he has drunk two glasses to my one.' My Pocket Book, p. 185. A person, who had a suit in chancery, whihi Sir Thomas More was lord chancellor, sent him two silver flaggons, not doubting the agreeabieness. of the present. On receiving them, More called one of his servants, and told him to fill up these K c 2 220 two vessels with the best wine in his cellar ; and turning round to the servant who had presented them, 'Tell your master,' replied the inflexible magistrate, ' that if he approves of my wine, I beg he will not spare it.' Lord Bacon's Essays. There is a witty satirical story of Foote. He had a small bust of Garrick placed upon his bureau. ' You may be surprised,' said he, 'that I allow him to be so near my gold ; but you will observe, he has no hands.' JBosxvcU. Two sailors were one day disputing, on board his majesty's ship Abundance, off Woolwich, re- specting the wisdom of king Solomon, and after having made some very original and singular re- marks on this mighty monarch, one of them closed his argument as folloAvs : ( Why, Jack, you may talk till the tongue drops out of yoar wooden head { but I'll tell you wha* perhaps neither you nor king Solomon ever knew ; that is, that d — n my eyes, but the times are so altered, that if he was now alive he would not know a jib-boom from a poop- J an thorn V Naval mecdoteSy p. 118. During the siege of Newcastle, in the month of October, 1644, the general of the Scottish army sent a threatening message to Sir John Marley, the mayor, telling him, ' that if he persisted in his re- fusal to deliver up the town, they would demolish the steeple of St, Nicholas' church.' Upon this the mayor immediately ordered the chief of the Scottish prisoners to fee taken to the lantern of 221 the tower, and then returned his answer ; * that, if the steeple of St. Nicholas fell, it should not fall alone. — That their countrymen should preserve it, er be buried in its ruins.' This spirited reply pre- vented it from being demolished. Brand's History of Newcastle, v. 1, p. 263. In the quarrels of Italy the family of Colonna had been great sufferers, and there is a fine passage related of one of them whose name was Stephen. "When in the heart of battle, and oppressed with numbers, one of his friends, terrified with the peril in which he saw him, ran to his aid, crying out, ' Stephen ! where is your fortress ?* * Here it is,' he replied with a smile, laying his hand upon his heart. JDobsorCs Life of Petrarch, v. I, p. 22. We talked of war. Johnson. ' Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a sol- dier, or not having been at sea.' Boswell. s Lord Mansfield does not.' Johnson. ■ Sir, if lord Mansfield were in a company of general officers and admirals who have been in service, he would shrink ; he'd wish to creep under the table.' Bos- well. f No ; he'd think he could try them all.' Johnson. ' Yes, if he could catch them : but they'd try him much sooner. No, sir ; were So- crates and Charles XII. of Sweden both present in any company, and Socrates to say, ' Follow me, and hear a lecture in philosophy ;' and Charles lay- ing his hand on his sword, to say, * Follow me, and dethrone the czar ;' a man would be ashamed f follow Socrates. Sir, the impression is aniv&rl- M 22£ sal ; yet it is strange. As to the sailor, when yo» look down from the quarter-deck to the space be- lowv, you see the utmost extremity of human mise- ery : such croudi :g, such filth, such stench !* Bos- well. ' Yet sailors are happy.' Johnson. 'They are happy as brutes are happy, with a piece of fresh meat, — with the grossest sensuality. But, sir, the profession of soldiers and sailors has the dignity of danger. Mankind reverence those who have got over fear, which is so general a weakness.' Scott.* c But is' not courage mechanical, and to be ac- quired V Johnson. ' Why yes, sir, in a collective sense. Soldiers consider themselves only as part of a great machine.' Scott. * We find people fond of being sailors.' Johnson. c I cannot ac- count for that, any more than I can account for other strange perversions of imagination.' His abhorrence of the profession of a sailor was uniformly violent ; but in conversation he always exalted the profession of a soldier. And yet I have, in my large and various collection of his writings, a letter to an eminent friend, in which he expresses himself thus : c My god-son called on me lately. He is weary, and rationally weary, of a military life. If you can place him in some other state, I think you may increase his happiness, and secure his virtue. A soldier's time is passed in dis- tress and danger, or in idleness and corruption.' Such was his cool reflection in his study ; but whenever he was warmed and animated by the presence of company, he, like other philosophers, * The present Sir William Scott, 226 *hose minds are impregnated with poetical fancy, caught the common enthusiasm for splendid re- nown. Life of Johnson, r. 3, p. 287. I was warned against visiting the Irish, who, I was told, were so ignorant, that a rehel barber, see- ing an artillery-man about to apply his match to a cannon, ran up to the muzzle, and thrust his wig into it, exclaiming, * By Jasus, I have stopt your mouth, ray honey, for this time.' But he did not, for he was blown to atoms. Sir John Carr, A max carrying a large beam on his shoulder, and striking, unintentionally, against Diogenes, said to him, • Take care.' ' How !' said Diogenes, f do you intend to hit me a second time ?' Some time after, meeting with a like adventure, he gave a stroke with his stick to him who had hit him, say- ing, ' Take care of yourself.' Fcnelorts Life of Diogenes, v. 2, p. 134. The original of the following prayer, written about an hour before the commencement of the battle of Trafalgar, is said to be in the possession of Sir William Scott, in the hand writing of lord Nelson. 'Jilay the great God, -whom I worship, grant to my country, and for the benefit of Europe, a great and glorious victory ! and may no miscon- duct in any one tarnish it. And may humanity , after victory, be the predominant feature in the British fleet ! — For myself, individually, I com- wit my life to him ivho made me ; and may hid x4 £24 blessing light on my endeavours for serving my country faithfully ! To him I resign myself and the just cause which is entrusted to me to de- fend / A:me>~ — Amen — Ame^v. ' Victory, Oct. 21, 1805, in sight of the fleets of France and Spain, distant about ten miles. 3 ■Life of Lord Nelson, After the conclusion of peace with America, when Mr. Adams, as envoy from the United States, •btained his first audience, the king declared, that he anticipated the interview as the most critical moment in his life ; but he received the new minis- ter with gracious affability. c I was the last man in the kingdom, sir,' said his majesty, 'to consent to the independence of America, but now it is granted, I shall be the last in the world to sanction a violation of it.' This noble and dignified senti- ment, joined with the general deportment of the king, formed such a refutation of the calumnies against him, by which the revolt had been rendered popular, that Mr. Adams retired agitated and af- fected in the highest degree, and ever after express- ed and retained a strong attachment to his person and character. J11..S. Me. Wilkes was invited by a young man of fashion at Paris, to sup with him and lady, who had been for seme time his mistress, but with whom he was going to part. He said to Mr. Wilkes that he really felt very much for her, she was in such distress ; and that he meant to make her a present %twm hundred lotQs-d'or s, Mr, WHkes observed 225 ihe behaviour of Mademoiselle, who sighed indeecT very piteously, and assumed every pathetic air of grief: hut ate no less than three French pigeons, which are as large as English partridges, besides other things. Mr. Wilkes whispered the gentle^ man, ' We often say in England, Excessive sor- row is exceeding dry 9 but I never heard Exces- sive sorrow is exceeding hungry. Perhaps one hundred will do.' The gentleman took the hint. Boswelh Air Irishman being upbraided with cowardice, said, he had as bold a heart as any man in the army, frut his cowardly legs always ran away with it. Edinburgh Budget, p. 120* Nothtxg like Travelling. — I used to have my prejudices, but now, since I've been in France, I know that the French are not all lean m%n i and Ireland has convinced me that an Irishman can speak for sometime without making ahull. If thejr make more bulls than the English, it is owing to the ' quickness of their thoughts,' or wit. An Irishman frequently * discharges his answer,' c be- fore the question,' and e another is ready to fol- low,' which accounts for his always being before- hand with you. My Pocket Book, p. 120. Robert, cardinal of Genoa, afterwards pope* was a distinguished Italian general about the year 1738. One day surveying some of the inhabitants ofC'amerino diverting themselves with a moek fighV lie received a wound by a random arrow, W&efc k5 226 they had seized the culprit, and were on the point of cutting off his head, the general interposed, and ordered the man to he dismissed, ohserving, c That the punishment, to be of any use to him, should have preceded the wound.' Eist. of the Popes. A naturalist's house. — We entered the house #f Gobbo, the naturalist, not without trepidation ; we had heard so many bloody stories concerning this great man, that Reynold's folio of * God's Revenge against Murder,' records no murderer more red than him ; nor the Newgate Calendar more abominable attempts than he hadTpractised. We found a great snake crawling about the fioors, at which we started, hut our conductor stroked him on the back, and assured us he was a most excellent mouser — it seems Gobbo preferred a snake to a cat ! A number of toads were placed in different parts of the room, and there served instead of so many pots of water — they caught the fiies \ The next apartment excited some alarm. We found ourselves amidst 2 or 300 bats, some with large hoods on their long ears ; others we found with their ears sewed up ; and some with their, eyes carefully picked out of their heads ! Our conductor told us, that this great philosopher, to shew that bats could perform their functions in the dark, picked their eyes with a red-hot wire, or scooped out the pupil with a pair of pincers. The philosopher owned the bats seemed to suffer great- ly hy their cruel operations ; the observation eviuc- od great sensibility in the bats, and the philosopher. 227 A very tedious inquiry .-whether fish were deaf and mute ! put ub out of patience, (cried our con- ductor.) Over a large tub offish, we were ring- ing a bell all day, or tapping at its side, and yet the fish seemed to take no notice of the naturalists. One thing we discovered, that whenever they made love they made a noise / but we never could find their ears. Dr. Monro declared that their hear- ing' is diffused over their body ; so that by giving them a smart stroke on their back, you make them hear you. Flim Flams 9 v. l,/>. 182. c Dry lodgings,' written over a cabin, does not signify that the beds are dry, but that you can have no whiskey posset there ; merely because they have none. My Pocket Book, p. 90. O^e day the two cardinals Cynthio and Aldo- brandini held an assembly of several prelates, to •onsult among other things, of some method toput> a stop to the license of the Pasquinades. One proposed that Pasquin's statute should be broken to pieces and cast into the river. But Tasso's opinion being asked, he said, * it would be much more prudent to let it remain where it was ; for other* wise from the fragments of the statute would be bred an infinite number of frogs on the banks of the Tyber, that would never cease to croak day and night.' The pope, to whom cardinal Aldo- brandini related what had passed, interrogated Tasso upon the subject. ' It is true, holy father,' (said he) ' such was my opinion ; and I shall add moreover, that if your holiness would silence Pas*- k 6 228 qum, the only way is to put such people into em- ployments as may give no occasion to any libels or disaffected discourse.' Hoole's Life of Tasso, p. 42. While at Plymouth a short time ago, a noble naval commander, who is a strict disciplinarian, ac- costed a drunken sailor in the street, with ' What 3hip do you belong to ?' Jack, who was a dry fel- low, notwithstanding he was drunk, and had a very eccentric countenance, answered with much sang froid, < Don't know.' * What's your captain's name ?' < Don't know.' * Do you know who I am ?' f. No.' s Why, I am commander in chief.' 1 Then,' replied he archly, < You have a d — d good birth of it—that's all I know !' Edinburgh Budget, p. 157. French Teachers. — Catharine IT. empress of Hussia, having been informed that there was in her states a great number of French tutors, who not only did not understand Latin, but were even ignorant of the simplest elements of their own lan- guage, issued an order, that all the masters of the French language, and tutors in private families, should present themselves before a commission, which she named for the purpose of examination. Among the thousands of Ignoramuses that appear- ed before this tribunal, there were two that aston- ished the commissioners by their gross stupidity. One of these two having been examined on the modes of the verbs, answered that, as he left Paris ^fifteen years ago, he could sag nothing about the ac- 229 tual modes of his country, -wh^re they were chan- ging from day to day. The other was aLivonian, who had never been in France, and for two years had instead of French, taught the gibberish of his country to the daughters of a nobleman, who liv- ed in a southern province of Russia. ChantreaiCs Trav. in Russia, v. 1, p. 264. Choose a wife from a waterkig place where the company live under one roof. It is as safe a measure as buying a horse upon trial. The serpent tempted Eve with fruit that would purchase knowledge. A modern Eve would much rather have had a guinea to purchase what she liked. Before the introduction of tea, the ladies spent their afternoons over a cup of good mulled wine, and perhaps it would have been well if the prac- tice had continued. Hystericks were then little known. A woman who dances like a cow, had better sit down to cards, although she may play no better than a calf. Do not brave the opinion of the world. You may as well say, that you care not a fig for the light of the sun, because you can find a candle. If you are of an indolent temper, breakfast upon cold pig. Dr. Hunter's Men and Manners. While the great Clarendon, after all the mise» ries and indignities he had experienced in France, lay extended in agony, the French messenger, who had accompanied him td Calais, appeared by his 230 bedside, and informed him that he had received new oriers from the king to insist upon his instant departure from France. Clarendon, shocked at the inhumanity of such a message, exclaimed, ' You rust bring orders from God Almighty as well as from your king, hefore I can ohey. Your king,' continued he, c is a very great and pow- erful prince, yet not so omnipotent as to make a dying man so strong as to undertake a journey.' He then sent for the chief magistrates and the lieutenant governor of the town ; who, moved hy the strange vicissitudes of his fortune, and blushing for the inhospitable policy of their government, united in a warm remonstrance to the court against the cruelty of his treatment. JUacdiarmicTs Lives, p. 572. In October, 1799, during the escort of the trea- sure which had been taken in the Spanish frigates, Thetis and Santa Brigeda, to the dungeons of the oitadel at Plymouth, where it was deposited for safety, as the procession was passing through the market-place, some interruption occasioned a stop- page of the headmost waggon of the second division. This naturally drew a" crowd about the waggon ; during which, a gentleman pushed forward to see how the dollars were packed, when the honest tar, who carried the British ensign over the Spanish, asked him in a good-natured way, * if his honour wished to smell at the treasure ;' the gentleman said laughingly, * he would mueh rather taste it:' the sailor immediately putting his unemployed fin- gers into his mouth, pulled out a small Spanish. 2S1 gold coin, and a quid ; and putting both into the gentleman's hand, emphatically said, e By Jasus, in my country we find tasting better than spelling, and feeling is the naked truth ; so your Honour's welcome.' The gentleman offered him more than the real value ; but honest Patrick refused, and said, ' he had enough, and to spare/ Naval Anec dotes, p. 282. Two sisters, one of whom lived at Rotherhithe 3 and tire other at Chelsea, had a present sent them from abroad, of two very fine young parrots. The family of the lady at Chelsea were of a religious turn ; and from their conversation and devotional exercises, her parrot soon learned a great variety of pious phrases. The docility of the other bird was exercised in a very different manner at Rotherhithe. He became a wonderful proficient in the dialect of the watermen, who frequented the house of his mistress. Her sister some time after paid her a visit ; and being quite shocked at the profaueness of her parrot, begged he might be sent to Chelsea, to learn some better lessons from a good master, and to whom he would probably listen more atten- tively as being one of his own species. The matter having been agreed upon, the pro- fane parrot was entrusted to the care of a water- man, to be conveyed to the school of piety at Chel- sea. On the passage up the river, it happened to rain very heavily ; and the waterman often exclaim- ed, * d — n my mistress for sending me out such a wet day as this !' The words came from the man's heart, and were therefore very impressive. The 232 parrot seldom let such things escape him. As sooa as he got to Chelsea, and was hung up in his cage near his intended tutor, feeling a Strong desire to give some specimen of his talents, he distinctly re- peated, c d — mn my mistress for sending me out such a wet day as this !' — The other parrot with great fervour responded, ' graciously hear us, O Lord !' Light Reading at Leisure Hours, p. 379. Whex Charles II. was on a progress through his dominions, he was waited upon by the magis- tracy of a certain city in the north of England. The mayor had prepared, with no little study, a splendid oration for so memorable an occasion : kneeling down to deliver his address, the worthy magistrate (who was excessively fat) commenced by 2l feu-de-joye oi rather a singular nature : Whe- ther he deemed such an expression of loyalty tan- tamount to a royal salute of the present day, histo- ry is silent : C rtainitis, he felt greatly embarras- sed, and blundered his oration most wofully. ( 1 have,please your majesty, began at the -wrong end? (•rieri the good mayor, endeavouring to apologize for the incoherency of his speech.) * So I remark- ed,' replied the facetious monarch, * but I fear the mistake can't now he corrected : — Rise up, Sir Walter Cannon P H. A> '"Thjk commonest women in Dublin are remark- able for the whiteness of the bosom.' — A traveller should see every thing! They are fine stout manlg- creatures — s powerfully made and able to proteel 28S themselves.* They are ' frequently highly edu«a* ted ; very few do not speak French fluently, and many speak it' so that it sounds like French. Their *brogii8,' is vastly agreeable. My Pocket Book, p. 101. Thomas lord Cromwell was the son of a black- smith at Putney, and was soldier under the duke of Bourbon at the sacking of Rome, in the year 1527. While he was abroad in a military charac- ter, in a very low station, he fell sick, aud was un- able to follow the army ; he was observed one day by an Italian merchant to walk very pensive, and had all the appearance of penury and wretchedness. The merchant inquired of him the place of his birth and fortune, and upon conversing with Crom- well, was so well pleased with the account he gave •f himself, that he supplied him with money and •redit to carry him to England. Cromwell after- wards made the most rapid progress in state-pre- ferments ever known. Honours were multiplied thick upon him, and he came to have the dispens- ing of his sovereign's bounty. It happened that this Italian merchant's circumstances decayed, and he came to England to solicit the payment of some debts due to him by his correspondents ; who find- ing him necessitous, were disposed to put him off, and to take the advantage of his want, to avoid pay- ment. This not a little embarrassed the foreigner, who was now in a situation forlorn enough. As Providence would have it, lord Cromwell, then earl of Essex, riding to court, saw this merchant ■walking with a dejected countenance, which put £34 liim in mind of his former situation. Ho imme- diately ordered one of bis -attendants to desire the merchant to come to his house. His lordship ask- ed the merchant whether he knew him ? He answer- ed, 6 No.' Cromwell then related the circum- stance of the merchant's relieving a certain English- man ; and asked if he remembered it ? The mer- chant answered, that he had always made it his business to do good, but did not remember that circumstance. — His lordship then inquired the rea- son of his coming to England ; and upon the mer- chant's telling him his story, he so interested him- self, as soon to procure the payment of all his debts. Cromwell then informed the merchant, that he w r as himself the person he had thus relieved ; and for every ducat which the merchant had given him, he returned to the value of a hundred, telling him, that this was the payment of his debt. He then made him a munificent present, and asked him, whether he chose to settle in England, or re- turn to his own country ? The foreigner chose the latter, and returned to spend the remainder of his days in competence and quiet, after having expe- rienced in lord Essex as high an instance of gene- rosity and gratitude as perhaps ever was known. Edinburgh Budget. Swift has an odd blunt way that is mistaken by- strangers for ill nature. It is so odd that there is no describing it but by facts. I'll tell you one that first comes into my head. One evening Gay and I went to see him : you know how intimately we Trere all acquainted^ On our coming in, c Heyday, 235 gentlemen/ says tlie doctor, ' wliat's the meaning qf this visit ? How came you to leave all the lords that you are so fond of, to come here to see a poor dean ?' ( Because we w®uld rather see you than any of them.' 6 Ay, any one that did not know so well as I do, might believe you. But since you are come, I must get some supper for you, I sup- pose.' 'No, doctor, we have supped already.* * Supped already ! that's impossible ! w r hy, it is not eight o'clock yet. That's very strange ! But if you had not supped, I must have got something for you. Let me see ; what should I have had ? A couple of lobsters ; ay, that would have done very well •, two shillings : tarts, a shilling. But you will drink a glass of wine with me, though you have supped so much -before your usual time only t* spare my pocket.' f No, we had rather talk with you, than drink with you.' * But if you had supped with me, as in all reason you ought to have done, you must then have drank with me. A bottle of wine, two shillings — two and two is four, and one is five ; just two and six-pence a piece. There, Pope, there's half a crown for you ; and there's another for you, sir ; for I won't save any thing by you, I am determined.' This was all said and done with his usual seriousness on such occasions ; and, in spite of every thing we could say to the contrary, he actually obliged us to take the money. S-wiftiana, v. 2, p. 183. A Roman being about to repudiate his wife, amongst a variety of other questions from her en- raged kinsmen, was asked, ( Ie not your wife a sea- 256 Sfole woman ? Is she not a handsome woman ? Has she not borne you five children ?' In answer to all which questions, slipping off his shoe, he held it up, and interrogating them in his turn, ' Is not this shoe,' said he, * a very handsome one ? Is it not quite new ? Is it not extremely well made ? How then is it that none of you can tell where it pinches V Plutarch, AmsTipptrs was asked the difference between a learned, and an ignorant man. * To make the discovery at once,' said he, *■ strip them both na- ked, and send them among strangers.' Tenelon's Life of Aristippus, v. 2, p. 69. Mehope is not ye*, printed : I am afraid it will mot be so well received in the closet as on the stage. The success of the piece was not due to me, but to Mademoiselle Dumesnil. What do you think of an actress who kept the audience in teal's through three successive acts ? The public have been mis- taken in giving me credit for the pleasure which they received from the excellence of the perform- Since. The seduction was so great, that the pit with loud shouts insisted upon seeing me. I was seized in the hiding place where I had sheltered myself, and carried by force into Madame De Yillar's box, where she was with her daughter-in-law the duch- ess De Yillars. The pit was mad ; they called out to the young duchess to kiss me, and they made such a noise that she was obliged to comply by or- der of her mother-in-law. Thus I have been kissed in public, as was Alain Chartier by febe 257 princess Margaret of Scotland ; but he was asleep, and / was wide awake. Voltaire to his friend M. HJligubere. A learned gentleman, who in the course of con- versation wished to mform us that the counsel up* on the circuit at Shrewsbury were much bitten by fleas, took, I suppose seven or eight minutes in re- lating it circumstantially. He in a plentitude of phrase told us, that large bales of woollen cloth were lodged in the town-hall ; that by reason of this, fleas nestled there in prodigious numbers ; that the lodgings of the counsel were near the town hall ; and that those little animals moved from place to place with wonderful agility. Johnson sat in great impatience till the gentleman had finished his tedious narrative, and then burst out (playfully however,) ' It is a pity, sir, that you have not seen a lion ; for a flea has taken you such a "time, that z. lion must have served you a twelve -month/ Life of Johnson, v. 2, p. 19f. Henry VIII. having one day paid Sir Thomas More an unexpected visit to dinner, and having af- terwards walked with him, for an hour, in the gar- den, with his arm round his neck ; Mr. Roper, son-in-law to More, took occasion, after Heury was gone, to congratulate him on his rare good fortune, in being treated by the king with a degree of fa- miliarity never experienced by any other subject. ' I thank our lord,' replied More, ' I find his grace my very good lord indeed ; and I believe lie doth as singularly favour me as any subject in his 238 | realm. However, son Roper, I may tell thee, I have no cause to be proud thereof ; for if my head "would win him a castle in France, it would not fail to fee struck off.' JUacdiarmid 9 s Lives, p. 5$. Whsi* the late earl Howe, who was very re- markable for his presence of mind, was captain of the Magnanime, during a cruise on the coast of France, a heavy gale of wind obliged him to an- ehor. It was on a lee-shore, ai& the night was ex- tremely dark and tempestuous. After every thing had been made snug, the ship rode with two anchors ahead, depending entirely on her ground tackle. Captain Howe, at this time, laid up with the gout, was reading in his cabin, when, on a sudden, the lieutenant of the watch came in, with a countenance full of woe, and said, he was sorry to inform him that the anchors came home. ' They are much in the right of it, 5 coolly replied captain Hov/e, ' I •Lon't know who could stay out such a night as this.' Naval Anecdotes, p. 114/ Chttolatjs relates that ambassadors canse from Miletus to Athens upon public business, perhaps to request assistance. They engaged what lawyers they thought proper to speak for them, who, as they were instructed, addressed the people in be- half of the Melesians. Demosthenes replied with severity to the demands of the Melesians, and con- tended that they were unworthy of assistance, nor was it the interest of the state to grant it. The matter was deferred to the following dav. The 259 ambassadors in the mean time came to Demos- thenes, and with great earnestness entreated that he would not oppose them. He asked for money, and they gave him what he demanded. On the day following, when the business was again de- bated, Demosthenes came into public with his neck and jaws t wrapped up in woollen, complain- ing that he had a quincy, and could not speak a- gainst the Melesians. On this, one of the people called out, that Demosthenes was troubled with :he ( silver quincy. \ Aid. Gell. lib. xi. cap. 9. M. Boudou. — This eminent surgeon was one day sent for by the Cardinal du Bois, prime minis- \er to France, to perform a very serious operation ipon him. The cardinal, on seeing him enter the room, said to him, ( You must not expect, sir, to treat me in the same rough manner as you treat your poor miserable wretches at your hospital of the Hotel Dieu.' — c My lord,' replied M. Boudou -vith great dignity, * every one of those miserable /retches, as your eminence is pleased to call them, is a prime minister in my eyes.' Supplement to Anecdotes of Distinguished Per sons, p. 216. Alexander passing through Corinth, on one occasion, had the curiosity to see Diogenes, who happened to be there at that time. He found him basking in the sun, in the grove Craneum, where he was cementing his tub. 'I am/ said he to him, ' the great king Alexander.' — ' And 1/ re- plied the philosopher, * am the dog Diogenes.' * Arc you not afraid of me V continued Alexan- 240 dei\— € Are you good or bad ?' returned Diogenes. * I am good/ rejoined Alexander. — ' And who would be afraid of one who is good ?' replied Dio* genes. As Diogenes was, one day, going to Egina, he was taken by pirates, who brought him to Crete, and exposed him to sale. He did not appear to be in the least disconcerted, nor to feel the least uneasiness on account of his misfortune. Seeing one Xeniades, corpulent and well dressed, ' I must be sold to that person,' said he, 'for I perceive he needs a master. — Come, child,' said he to Xeniades, as he was coming up to purchase him, 'come, ehild, buy a man.' Being asked what he could do, he said, he had the talent of commanding men. ' Crier,' said he* * call out in the market, If any one needs a master y let him come here and purchase one. 3 He who was selling him, desired him not to sit. ' What mat- ters it V said Diogenes ; ' people buy fishes in any posture ; and it is very surprising, that though one will not. buy even a pot, without ringing it, to know whether it be good metal ; he will buy a man upon simply seeiug him.' "When the price was fixed, he said to Xeniades : ' Though I be at present your slave, you must prepare to obey my will ; for whether I serve you as a physician, or steward, it matters not whether I be a slave, or a free man ; my will must be done.' Xeniades charged him with the instruction of his children ; a task which Diogenes performed with great fidelity. Fenebn's Life of Diogenes, v. 2, p. 126. 241 The following advice which Madame Terein, a- woman of great literary discernment, gave to Mar- montel, when a young man, with respect to au- thorship, should be a perpetual lesson to all writers by profession. * Secure yourself,' said she, ' a livelihood independent of literary suc- cesses ; and put into this lottery only the overplus of your time : for woe to him who depends wholly on his pen ! Nothing is more casual. The man who makes shoes, is sure of his wages ; but the roan who writes a book, or a tragedy, is never sure of any thing.' Life of Marmontel Ax assuming pedantic lady boasting of the many books which she had read, often quoted Lock up- on Understanding ; ' a work,' she said, f she ad- mired above all things ; yet there was one word in it, which, though often repeated, she could not distinctly make out ; and that was, the word ide-a 9 (pronouncing it very long ;) s but I suppose it comes from a Greek derivation.' — ' You are per- fectly right, madam,' said Foote ; ' it comes from the word ideaousky: — * And pray, sir, what does that mean V — ' The feminine ofideot, madam.' . Memoirs of Foote, v. %p. 119. A gentleman in the country who had just bu- ried a rich relation, who was an attorney, was com- plaining to Foote, who happened to be on a visit with him, of the very great expenses of a country funeral in respect to carriage.-, hat-bands, scarves, &c. ' Why, do you bury your attorneys here V asked Foote, gravely. f Yes, to be sure we do : L 242 how else ?'— ' Oh J we never do that in London.' { No !' said the other, much surprised ; ' how do you manage ?' — l Why, when the patient hap- pens to die, we lay him out in a room over night by himself, lock the door, throw open the sash, and in the morning he is entirely off. 5 — ' Indeed V said the other in amazement ; c what becomes of him ?' ( Why, that we cannot exactly tell, not be- ing acquainted with supernatural causes. All that we know of the matter is, that there's a strong smell of brimstone in the room tJie next morning? Cooke. Mart, queen of England. — The turn of the English nation for humourous political prints first shewed itself in this reign. An engraving was pub- lished representing this queen extremely thin, with many Spaniards hanging to her and sucking her to the bone. Anecdotes of distinguished Per- sems^p. 16. A sotv-i^-law of Sir Thomas More having, be- tween jest and earnest, complained that he did not allow his friends to make any profit under him ; not that he, for his part, would be guilty of per- verting justice , but that he saw no harm in receiv- ing a email present for speaking in behalf of suitors : More applauded the scrupulousness of his con- science, and told him that he should endeavour to provide for him otherwise ; f for this one thing I assure thee/ said h , 'that if the partes will call ustice at my hands, then though it were my father, whom I love so dearly, stood on cue side, 243 and the devil, whom I hate extremely, stood on the other ; his cause being just, the devil of me should have his 7 ue. J ' For your sake,' he would say to his children, ( I will do justice to all men, and leave you a blessing.' JVLacdiarmid 's Lives, p. 67. Swift used to call Whitehaven his second birth-place. When he was about a year old, he was carried thither by his nurse, who, finding it necessary to visit a relation there who was ill, and from whom she expected a legacy, conveyed him on shipboard privately, without the knowledge of his mother or his uncle ; and, as is usual among Irish nurses, bore such an affection to the child that she could not think of going without hi m. He retained his affection of the place till the last, and when one of his friends, who had spent a little time there in 1739, told him, in the spring follow- ing, Jthat a merchant from thence, with his son and daughter, were then in Dublin, he invited them to dinner, and shewed them many civilities while they stayed in that city. Siviftiana, p. 160. Zacharias Boyd, whose bust is to be seen over the entrance to the royal college in Glasgow while professor in that university, translated the Old and New Testament into Scotch metre ; and from a laudable zeal to disseminate religious knowledge among the lower classes of the community, is said to have left a very considerable sum to defray the expense of the said work, which, however, his ex~ ecators never printed. The following are speci- mens of that truly elegant translation : L l 2 24* He thus introduces the celebrated patriarch Job : c There was a man called Job, Dwelt in the land of Uz. He had a good gift of the gob, The same thing happened us.' Describing Jobs determination to persevere in his confidence in the mercy and goodness of the Supreme Being, he says, c Job's wife unto Job did say, Curse God and die ! Job unto his wife replied, No, you b — h, not I !' Jonah in the belly of the whale, begins his solilo- quy in the following words : * What house is ? here's neither coal nor candle ; "Where I nothing but fish guts do handle ! Another passage he versifies, e The Lord unto my Lord did say, Sit thou at mv right hand ; My Lord u<)to the Lord replied, I'd rather choose to stand.* But the highest night of his muse appears in the following beautiful Alexandrine : 1 And was not Pharoah a saucy rascal ? That would not let the children of Israel, their wives and their little ones, their flocks and their herds, go out into the wilderness forty days ■ ■ to eat the Pascal.* M.B. 245 More generally found his wit and thorough com- mand of temper the most effectual defence against Wolsey, who was to the last degree impatient of •on traduction. After a transaction in the house of commons, which had drawn out much bitterness, and which More had strongly opposed as unjust, the cardinal happening to meet with him, com- plained loudly of his behaviour, and at length ex- claimed, 'Would to God you had been at Rome, Mr. More, when I made you speaker.' ( Your grace not offended,' replied the other, ' so would I too ; for then I should have seen an antient and famous city, which I have long desired to see.' MacdiarmicTs Lives, p. 48. Conjugal Love. — A person praising the affec- tions of the widows of Malabar, who burn them- selves on a funeral pile in honour of their husbands' memory ; Foote observed, ' that the women of England claimed a higher honour ; for they fre- quently burned before marriage for their first hus- band, and afterwards for a second? Memoirs of Foote, v. 2, p. 112. A curious anecdote is told respecting the late inhabitant of Chononceau, belonging to the family of Villeneuve ; which, if any thing can justify sui- cide, certainly does. Monsieur de V*** was cast into prison during the revolution, in common with most oithe other respectable people of France, at a moment when every person who had the misfor- tune to be a nobleman was, if apprehended, led to the guillotine. While in confinement, he reflected 13 246 that if he shared the fate of many of his fellow pris- oners, his fortune would be confiscated and his chil- dren become beggars ; but that if he should destroy himself, as his children were minors, their inherit- ance could not leg-ally be seized, and he only short- ened the period of his existence by a few hours. These considerations were so powerful in his mind, that he effected his destruction with a razor, and thus secured his property to his children. Williams' Travels through France* Menage gives the following advice to authors. ' Never send well-written copy for the press, for then masters give it to their apprentices, who make a thousand faults ; but, if it is difficult to read, the masters do it themselves.' This advice has been mentioned to several printers by the writer of this, and they have uniformly to a man, been angry. Port Folio of a Alan of Letters. Wsen Madame de Boufners was first in Eng- land, (said Beauclerk,) she was desirous to see Johnson. I accordingly went with her to his cham- bers in the Temple, where she was entertained with his conversation for some time. When our visit was over, she and I left him, and were got in- to Inner Temple-lane, when all at once I heard a noise like thunder. This was occasioned by John- son, who it seems, upon a little recollection, had taken it into his head that he ought to have done the honours of his literary residence to a foreign lady of quality, and eager to shew himself a man of gallantry, was hurrying down the stair-case in vio- 247 lent agitation. He overtook us before we reached the Temple-gate, and brushing in between me and Madame de Bouffiers, seized her hand, and con- ducted her to her coach. His dress was a rusty brown morning suit, a pair of old shoes by way of slippers, a little shrivelled wig, sticking on the top of his head, and the sleeves of his shirt and the knees of his breeches hanging loose. A considerable crowd of people gathered round-, and were not a little struck by this singular appearance.' Life of Johnson, v. 2, p. 420. Vivacity seems to be the common property of every Frenchman, and never did it appear more striking than in the following circumstance : Upon an English surgeon's some years since visiting an liospital at Paris, he saw in one of the wards three Frenchmen who had received some very severe contusions by the fall of a scaffold a few days bs- fore, lying in bed ; upon approaching them he found one dead, another dying, and the one in the middle sitting upright in the bed, fiddling to sever- al invalids, who were dancing at the foot of it as well as they were able. Carr's Travels through Holland, &c* Sm Thomas More was so remarkably at- tentive to the education of his daughters, and brought them up with such strict attention to every thing that can charm or be admired in a female, that ' the school of More,' was praised no less for its novelty than the accomplishments of its pupils Erasmus, from whom we derive these particulars, l4 248 and who was often an inmate of that delightful so- ciety, greatly captivated with the easy manners, the animated conversation, and extraordinary ac- complishments of these young ladies, could not help owning himself a complete convert to More's sentiments of female education. Yet, while he ad- mired their improvement, and shared in the plea- sures it diffused, he could not help remarking one day to his friend, how severe a calamity it would be, if, by any of those fatalities to which the human race is liable, such accomplished beings, whom he had so painfully and successfully laboured to im- prove, should happen to be snatched away ! ' If they are to die,' replied More, without hesitation, 'I would rather have them die well-informed than ignorant.' 'This reply,' continues Erasmus, s reminded me of a saying of Phocion, whose wife, as he was about to drink the poison, according to his sentence, exclaimed, 'Ah, my husband, you die innocent !' 'And would you, my wife,' he rejoiu- Qd» 'rather have me die guilty V wMacdiarmidfs Lives, p. 32. Exgland is the country for religious toleration. Of late years the worship of the old heathen gods has been revived here, and Orpheus is adored in- stead of Christ, Horner and Hesiod instead of the prophets, Plato and Plotinus instead of the apostles. There is a story of an Englishman at Rome, who pulled off his hat to a statue of Jupiter, saying, 'I beg, sir, if ever you get into power again, you will remember that I paid my respects to you in your adversity.' Letters from England, v. 3, p. 164? 249 Dean Swift, at dinner, once turning his eye towards the looking-glass, espied the butler open- ing a bottle of ale, and helping himself : 6 Ha, friend,' said the dean, 'sharp is the word with you, I find : you have drank my ale •, for which I stop two shil- lings out of your board-wages this week, for I scorn to be outdone in any thing, even in cheating.' $wiftiani 3 p. 30: Russian weather makes a man alert. It was a very severe winter, when I was first at Pleskow, and after leaving a party, I was making the best of my way to my own lodgings. 'My God, how quick he runs !' called a little girl behind me. Here, at Grodno, being obliged to sit so long in the toll- house, I took out my pocket-book, and noted some little occurrence on the road, ' My God, how quick he writes !' said one of the men near me.' Seume's Tour,. Tee Retort. — Queen Elizabeth was provoked "by one of many beggars to say, Pauper ubigue jacet — the poor lie every where ; when the men- dicant, to her surprise, exclaimed, — In thalamis, regina, tuts hac nocte jacerem, Siforet hoc verum, * Pauper ubique jacet.' Thy tyed then, queen ! — this night I should lie there, If it were true, the poor lie every where* J\i. Mirror, Aug. 1808 Some time since the priest of Falmouth was. applied to to bury a certain person from* the ad- joining country, 'Why, John,' said he to the per 1 3 250 ton, s we 'buried this man a dozen years ago :* and in fact it appeared, on referring to the parish hooka of the church, that his funeral had been registered a dozen years back. He had been bed-ridden and in a state of dotage all that time ; and his heirs had made a mock burial to avoid certain legal forms and expenses, which would else have been neces- sary to enable them to receive and dispose of his rents. Esp Hello's Letters. It was the intention of Appius to tear the chaste Virginia from her father, under the pretext that she was the daughter of a slave, and to dishonour her. Every method for her rescue had been tried in vain ; the indignation of her hoary sire and her betrothed bridegroom was the subject of ridicule to the brutal officer. The moment had arrived in which they were preparing to drag Virginia away. The father suddenly turning to the decemvir, 'Stop,' he exclaimed, * but one moment : pardon, Appius, the distress of a father, if I addressed thee with harshness ; permit me only to put a few questions to the girl in the presence of her attendant, to con- vince myself that I am not her iather, and then depart from the place in peace.' l Thy request is granted,' replied the decemvir. Virgim'us in- stantly conducted his daughter to a neighbouring shop, and seizing the knife of a butcher, plunged it into her bosom with these words : * This is now the only method of effecting thy deliverance !' Then turning to the tribunal, he extended his bloody fist stiil holding the reeking biade to the de- cemvir, and exclaimed : * Te 9 *lppi, tuumque ca~ 251 put, hoc sanguine consecro ! This blood , O Appi r us, be upon thy head 1* Livy — Kotzebue' The well known miser, Daniel Dancer, having been once reluctantly bound over by a magistrate to prosecute a horse stealer at Aylesbury assizes, he set out with a respectable neighbour, who under- took to accompany him. Himself and his horse* on this occasion, exhibited a grotesque appearance, for the movements of the latter were regulated by a halter instead of a bridle, while a sack fastened round him served instead of a saddle ; as for shoes, this was a luxury that Daniel's Rosin ante had nev<- erbeen accustomed to. On their arrival at Aylesbury, having stopped at an inn of decent appearance, Dancer addressed his companion in the following manner : * Pray, sir, do you go into the house, order what you please, and live like a gentleman, I will settle for it readily ; but as for myself, I must go on in my old way.' He accordingly did so, for he bought a penny- worth of bread for himself, slept under his horse's manger, and paid fifteen shillings, being the amount of his companion's bill, with the utmost cheerful- ness. During the last twenty years, Daniel's house is said to have been entered at least fourteen times by thieves, and the amount of his losses is calculated at two thousand five hundred pounds. As the low- er part was in such a ruinous state as to admit a person with ease, it was recommended to him to £et it repaired ; but he replied, * that tlas would l6 252 be only throwing away more money, for then they would get in at the windows.' In order to employ the attention of the maraud- ers, until he should escape to his hiding-place, he was accustomed to strew the ground floor with far- things and sixpences wrapped up in paper. Annual Necrology, p. 160 — 1. Ds. Johnson would not allow Scotland to derive any credit from lord Mansfield ; for he was educa- ted in England. ' Much (said he,) may be made of a Scotchman, if he be caught young.' Life of Johnson, v. 2, p. 197. Dp. Boldero, one of the masters of Jesus College, in the last century, had beefl treated with particular severity during the Protectorate, for his attachment to the royal cause, in which also, the bishop of Ely, at that time had been an equal suf- ferer. On a vacancy of the mastership, Boldero, without any pretensions to the appointment, in plain English, plucks up his spirits,, or m Homer's language, l speaks to his magnanimous mind,' and presents his petition to the bishop. * Who are you V says his lordship, ' I know nothing* of yo« ; I never heard of you before.' i My lord ! I have suffered long and severely for my attachment to your royal master, as well as your lordship has. I believe your lordship and I have been in all the gaols in England.'' ( What does the fellow mean ? Man ! I never was confined in any prison but the toiver? * And my lord !' said Boldero, c I have been in all the rest myself. 1 — The bishop's 253 heart relented, and he good-naturedly admitted the claim of his petitioner. Memoirs of the Life of Gilbert Wakefield, v. 1, p. 80. Potemkix, the favourite of Catharine II. hav- ing become vice president at Avar, with a seat in the council, happened to be once summoned to council, while engaged at a party of cards ; he re- fused to stir. The astonished messenger, unaccus- tomed to such an instance of disobedience, and a- fraid of being implicated in his guilt, humbly be- sought Potemkin to furnish him with an excuse. On this the favourite referred him to the bible ; and, on being requested to mention the passage, he gaily replied, ' In the first psalm, and the first verse, there foil will find it said, Beatus vir qui non abiit in consiliG impiorum. (Happy is the man who participated not in the counsels of the wicked.) Life of Catharine II. Of the opulence of the citizens of London at this early period of commerce, an instance occurs that is not to be paralleled in any history, in the circumstance of Sir Henry Picard, a vintner, hav- ing the singular honour of entertaining, in the year 1363, in one day, four kings, viz. Edward III. John, king of France, David, king of Scots, and the king of Cyprus. This person had been lord major in the year 1357, and the feast was given at his house in the Yintry, at which Edward, prince of Wales, and many of the nobility, also attended. Sir Henry Picard, upon this occasion, kept his hall for all comers that were willing to play at dice and 254 hazard, and lady "Margaret kept her chamber to the same effeet. This solemnity is mentioned as the most glorious that had ever been seen. The kings, &c. went in grand procession ; the mayor and aldermen met them in their formalities ; the eity pageants were displayed ; and in the streets through which they passed the citizens hung out plate, tapestry, armour, &c. Barnes, p. 526. Stow, p. 165. Lon. 1618. Sctttola, the great TComan lawyer, being one day asked, what work might be done on an holy day, replied, That which if left undone would oc- •asion mischief, quod omissum noceret. Macro bius. Peter the Great was so much affected with the death of his son Peter by Catharine I. that he shut himself up at Petershofif, intending to starve himself to death ; and forbid every person, of what- ever description, under pain of death, to disturb hi9 retirement. The senate assembled on this despe- rate resolution of the prince, and Dolgorouki un- dertook to drive him from it. He went and knock- ed at the door of the room where Peter was shut up, — * Whoever you be/ cried the czar with a terrible voice, 6 fly off, or I will open the door and knock out your brains.' — * Open, I say,' replied Dolgorouki in a firm tone, ' It is a deputy from the senate come to ask you whom you wish to have named as emperor in your room, since you have resigned.' Peter, struck with the courageous zeal ef Dolgorouki, opened, embraced this faithful cour- 255 tier, yielded to his councils, and resumed the reins of government. Chantreau } s Travels in Russia, v. 2, p. 52. It is well known that the late admiral, Sir Sam- uel Cornish, rose entirely by his merit, from a very low situation in life, to a very high command in the navy ; and as his abilities as an admiral were undoubted, so his acquisitions as a scholar were but very slender. At the surrender of Manilla, in 1763, his colleague, colonel Draper, who was shortly afterwards Sir William Draper, who was one of the most accomplished scholars of his age, and prided himself highly on his literary attainments, carried on all the negociations relative to the ran- som of the city, in the Latin language, with the Spanish archbishop. On the shameful evasion of the payment of this ransom, admiral Cornish de- clared, he would never accept a command again in conjunction with a man who understood Latin. J K aval Anecdotes y p. 119. Capability Browne. — This celebrated layer out of ground, whose christian name was Launce- lot, but who was commonly called Capabil ty Broivne, from his favoruite phrase (when he ap- proved of the ground) of saying, 'it had its capabil- ity,' was no less distinguished in his profession than for the plainness and integrity of his miird in all transactions. Being one day consulted by a baron- et of an anpient family, but no very large estate, about improving his grounds ; and the baronet hav- ing suggested a number of very expensive altera- 2B6 tions, Browne heard him with great attention, and thus replied : 'Why, Sir John, I grant the ground has its capabilities, and all of what you propose may be done, and even more, and what is still better, I fiatist get a great deal of money by the job, whieh will take up several years ; but I have one question to ask you, previous to our commencement on this business, — Have you provided for your younger children V This blunt question had its proper ef- fect. The baronet shook him by the hand, and led him back to the dining parlour, where they drank another bottle, and the improvements were totally laid aside. Anecdotes ofillutrious Characters. Ov an application made to Louis XVI. by Tip- poo Saib, not long before he suffered, to assist him in taking possession of some provinces in India from the English, and annexing them to the crown of France, Louis nobly refused his assent, and said, *" In the American war, my ministers took advan- tage of my youth and inexperienee. Every cala- mity that we have suffered in France took its rise from that event.' During his infamous mock trial, this prince was asked what he had done with a certain sum of money — -a few thousand pounds. His voice failed him and the tears came into his eyes at this ques- tion ; at last he replied, * J^aimiusa faire desheu- revx. J ~l .had a pleasure in making other people fcappy. 5 He had given the money away in charity. On the night preceding his execution he said to M Edge worth,, I do not know what I have d the history of the church I had heard of many strange baptismal ceremonies, and among the rest that of ba ptizing corn, which I had here an oppor- tunity of seeing for the first time at Easter. A man walked up and down the field with a vessel of holy water, and sprinkled it upon the seed. A- nother from time to time stuck something in the earth, which, as I afterwards heard, were conse- crated wooden crucifixes, and on fixing these in their places, he muttered seme form of prayer. If the ground be well tilled, the seed properly sown, and the weather favourable, this pious ceremony will do no harm. Seame's Tour — Lithuania. When general V vts quartered in a small town in Ireland, he and his lady were regularly be- sieged, whenever they got into their carriage,, by an old beggarwoman, who kept her post at the door, assailing them daily with fresh importunities and fresh tales of distress. At last the lady's charity and the general's patience, were nearly exhausted, but their petitioner's wit was still in its pristine vigour. One morning, at the accustomed hour, when the lady was getting into her carriage, the old woman began, c Agh ! my lady ; success to your ladyship, and success to your honour's honour, this morning, of all days in the year; for sure didn't I dream last night, that her ladyship gave me a 259 pound of ta, and tliat your honour gave me a pound of tobacco:' 'But, ray good woman,' said the general, 'do not you know, that dreams always go by the rule of contrary V ' Do they so, plase your honour ?' rejoined the old woman. ' Then it must be your honour that will give me the t«, and her ladyship that will give me the tobacco.' The general being of Sterne's opinion, that a bon mot is always worth something, even more than a pinch of snuff, gave the ingenious dreamer the value of her dream. Edgeivorttia Essay on Irish Bulls. When Philip of Mscedon vanquished the Athe- nians, in a pitched battle, they sent next morning to demand their baggage ; the king laughed, and ordered it be returned, saying, ' I do believe the Athenians think we did not fight in earnest.' •Memoirs de Grammont. The art of physic is properly enough compar- ed by Hippocrates to a battle, and also to a farce, acted between three persons, the patient, the doc- tor, and the disease. The doctor and the disease, however, risque nothing; the risque is always up- on the patient. Rabelais. One of those booksellers in Paternoster-row, who publish things in numbers, went to Gibbon's lodgings in St. James's-street, sent up his name, and was admitted. 'Sir/ said he, 'I am now 260 publishing a history of England, done by seyeral good hands. I understand you have a knack at them there things, and I should be glad to give you «very reasonable encouragement.' As soon as Gibbon recovered the use of his legs and tongue, which were petrified with surprise, he ran to the bell, and desired his servant to shew this encourager of learning down stairs. Walpo liana, v. 2, p. 136. A ladt of high rank and fortune, too anxiously careful of the health of an ouly son, as well as par- tial to his merits, sent for Dr. RatclifFe relative to his health. On a previous consultation with the lady about the malady of his patient, she very grave- ly told him, ' that although she could not say hep son was immediately affected with any disorder, yet she was afraid, from the excess of his spirits, and the very great prematureness of his under standing , he might, without the doctor's medical interference, verify the old proverb — * Soon ripe, soon rotten.' The doctor by this time having pretty well taken measure of the lady's understanding 9 as well as the wants of her sou, desired to see his patient — when presently a servant introduced a strong chubby boy, between nine and ten years of age, eating a large piece of bread and butter. * Well, sir,' says the doctor, s what's your name ?' * Daniel, sir,' (says the boy.) * And pray, master Daniel, who gave you that fine piece of bread and butter ?' ' My godfathers and godmothers, who did promise and vow three things in my name, &c. &tc.' and so was going on with the answer in the catechism. * Very 261 well, indeed/ continued the doctor, very gravely— * Now, master Daniel, let me feel your pulse — Quite well there too — So that, my dear madam (turning round to the mother,) you may make yourself perfectly easy about your son, as he is not only in good health at present, but in no danger of losing that health by too premature knowledge? European JMagazi?ie } 1796, Misers, says the Fditor of the Annual Necro- logy, are generally bachelors. This circumstance undoubtedly originates in a peculiar species of eco- nomy ; for, possessing the faculty of retention in an eminent degree, they seem averse to the idea of even squandering away their affections ! A person in Falmouth, when his house was on fire, and he saw it impossible to save any thing from the devouring element, went upon the nearest hill and made a drawing of the conflagration. An admirable instance of English phlegm. Espriella's Letters, v. 1, p. 6, Nothing is more common than for men to be blinded to their own particular failings, and to cen- sure that vice in others to which they are most addicted themselves. The modern French are in- cessantly declaiming against the insatiable ambi- tion of England. A republican of this description, impressed with the most alarming ideas on the sub- ject, recently related the following anecdote : — My lord Hervey, when in Italy, passing over a lake near the sea, dipping his finger into the waterj 262 • Oh !' he cried, c this is salt water, this belongs to us !' — ' You may see,' continued the terrified Frenchman, f what a nation these English must be, aa»' that they have f>;ot it into their heads that the sea is their domain ! and I am told,' he gravely added, ( that they have a song, indicating as much, which they sing to the tune of the Marseillois/ J\"aval Anecdotes, p. 321. The Society for the Reformation of Manners, which was set up in the latter end of king William's time and continued to the present day, though in- stituted upon good principles, yet in many instances acted upon refinements as unserviceable to the cause of real morality as to that of common sense. This was exemplified in the case ofLeveridge, the well-known popular vocal performer of that time, whom they prosecuted merely for singing an ode of Dryden's, the subject of which was> the praise of love and -vine. The public, in a degree, caught the spirit of the reformers, as the grand jury found a hill against him. When the trial came on "before Sir John Holt, he at once saw the narrow spirit of the pror-cution ; and finding the fact of the singing, &c. fully proved, he thought of the following stratagem to get poor Leveridge out of the scrape. He accordingly call- ed for the printed song : and, after reading it over very attentively, he observed, that as he saw nothing in the words very culpable, he imagined the of- fence must lie in the manner of singing it : he therefore desired Leveridge might sing it before Ihe court. The performer readily took the hint, 263 and sung it with so much power of voice and taste, that the jury, without ever going out of the box, acquitted him, and he was carried home on the shoulders of the mob, in triumph. Anecdotes of illustrious Characters. The late lord chancellor Hardwicke, as soon as the register had called on the first cause, upon the sitting of the court, toid him he had received a let- ter with a bank note of 500/. inclosed : — the letter solicited the chancellor to determine the cause in, the writer's favour. His lordship, after the letter had been read, and he had ordered the register to present the note to one of* the public charities, heard the cause, and decided in favour of the jiarty who had really bribed him. Life of Sir M. Hale. \n the year 1711, early after the commence- ment of a war between the czar Peter and the Turks, the army of the former was so completely surrounded by the greatly superior army of the lat- ter, on the banks of the Pruth, as to render the escape of the Russians almost impossible. At this period, Charles (who since the fatal battle of Pul- towa, had resided amongst the Turks, and "who then resided at Bender, about fifty leagues from the scene of action,) was apprized by his friend, count Poniatowsky, then in the Turkish camp, of the critical situation of the Russian army. It hap- pened, however, through the intervention and in- triguea of the great Catharine, the wife of the czar, then in his camp, that he and his army were °natcb- 26* ed from almost instant destruction, and themostfa- Vourable terms of peace were granted by the grand vizier to the czar, who with his army was allowed to return to his dominions without interruption. At the moment when the czar, having thus for- tunately e caped destruction, was retiring with ^ drums beating, colours flying, artillery , ammuni- I Jion, baggage, &c. he the king of Sweden arri- ved at the Turkish camp, and was acquainted by Poniatowsky with the terms which had been granted to the czar. The king, incensed with pas- sion, immediately proceeded to the grand vizier's tent, and with an enraged countenance, reproached him with the treaty he had just concluded. ' 1 have the power? said the grand vizier with a mild demeanour, * to make war and peace? 'But hadst thou not the whole Aluscovite army in thy power ?' replied the king. ' Our law orders us,' rejoined the vizier seriously, ' to grant protection to our enemies when they implore cur compassion.' ' Ah, but does it order thee,' insists the king, in a rage, * to make a bad treaty when thou hadst it in thy power to prescribe whet conditions thou hadst plea- sed ? Did it not lie in thy power to carry the czar and his army prisoners to Constantinople ?' Charles threw himself on a sofa, and looking at the vizier with an eye full of anger and contempt, he stretch- ed his leg towards him, and designedly entangling his spur in the Turk's robe, he rent it furiously, im- mediately rose up, remounted his horse,and return- ed to Bender in a state of despair. In consequence of this shameful treaty, the grand vizier was afterwards deprived of his office and 265 banished, and Osman, the second in command, lost his head. Voltaire. The young count Apraxin being bold enough to make a declaration of love to Anne Petrowna, princess royal of Russia, and receiving an answer that destroyed all hopes of the success of his pas- sion, he watched till she should be alone, threw himself at her feet, presented his sword, and beg- ged her to end his sufferings by plunging it into his heart. — 'Give,' said Petrowna, in the eoolest manner, c Give it me, and you shall see the daugh- ter of your emperor wants neither courage nor re- solution to punish a forward fellow, who dares be deficient in respect to her.' He shewed himself a braggei, sheathed his sword, and begged the prin- cess would pardon a delirium, the effect of her i arms. An^e pardoned him, but exposed him to ridicule by publishing his adventure. Chanireau } s Trav. in Russia, v. 1, p. 64. About the time of Dr. Johnson's bringing out the tragedy of ' Irene,' he was told it would be necessary for him to make a genteeler appearance than he used to do ; upon which he made up a rich gold laced waistcoat, with a blue coat, red collar, &c. &c. which was the fashionable undress of that time. On the second day of th's trans- formation, « friend, looking in upon him, found him before a glass in the following soliloquy : ' No, this won't do, this is both troublesome and expensive ; it may lead me into vanity, and when once in, 'tis not so easy to get out, I'll therefore 31 266 return to my old brown suit again ;* which colour, with an occasional suit of black, he continued dur- ing the remainder of his life. JH. S. As I entered Twer, a young man was seated with a party not far from the Volga, and sung in a pleashig voice the old French air, * Oh ^Mahomet, ton paradis de femmes est le sejour de lafelicite? x i forget whether you know the music — it is one of the liveliest airs ever composed even by a French- man. The notes were still vibrating on the drum of my ear, when I arrived at the gate, where the sen- tinel treated cue with a counterpart, which he bel- lowed loudly forth, and the burden of which fre- quently repeated, was droll enough, after what I had just heard : 6 1 ya schenilsa kak durak.' I took a wile, and was a fool. Seumes Tour, OvtTie first parliament of lord Wentworth, af- terwards earl of Stratford, when deputy of Ireland in 1633, he issued a proclamation, that none of the members, either peers or commoners, should enter with their swords on : and the black rod according- ly stood at the door of the lord's house to take a- way their swords. As my lord of Ormond caii) p in, he demanded his ; but being refused, black rod shewed the proclamation, and made some rough reply. To this bis lordship answered, * That if he needs must have his sword, it must be in his guts ;' ami so marched on to his seat, where he sat as the only peer with a sword* that day. The lord deputy being informed of this, took! hrt^ a:xl called his lordship at night tc an sift) 267 it. His lordship shewed him his writ which called him to parliament, 6 ductus cum Gladio.' Up- on this answer, the deputy and his two friends, Sir George Ratcliffe and Mr. Wandesford, consulted whether to suppress or oblige so daring a spirit : hut Sir George advising the latter, it was resolved on : and this begot such an intimacy through life between lord Ormond and Strafford, that the latter made it one of his dying requests to the king, * That his garter might be given to the earl of Ormond.* His majesty accordingly did offer it ; and his lordship's refusal of it was very honourable to his character : — c That at such a time of dan- ger, such a mark of royal favour might tie some other nobleman to the crown, who by principles was less resolved than himself : he begged his ma- jesty, therefore, to bestow this garter as his service required, and to reserve his bounty for him till all the dangers were over.' He therefore had no gar- ter, till 1649, when it was given him by Charles If. who soom after created him a marquis. European Mag. July, 1797. It is related of lord chief justice Holt, who had been very wild in his youth, that being once at the bench at the Old Bailey, a fellow was tried for a highway robbery, and very narrowly acquitted, whom his lordship recollected to have been one of his early dissipated companions. After the trial was over, curiosity induced him to send for the man in private, in order to inquire the fortune of the cotemporaries with whom he was once asso- ciated : he therefore asked the fellow what wasbe- m2 268 come of Tom sueh-a-one, and WU1 such-a-one* and the rest of the party to which they belonged ? when the fellow, fetching a deep sigh, and making a low bow, replied : — * Ah ! my lord, they are all hanged, except yonr lordship and myself.' Anecdotes of illustrious Characters. Before the prince of Wales's palace are thirty columns planted in a row. The architect of this building was employed to build a palace for the second prince of the blood, and in the front, to- wards the street, he constructed a large oven-like room, completely obscuring the house to which it was to serve as an entrance-hall. These two build- ings being described to the late lord North, who v,as blind in the latter part of his life, he facetious- ly remarked, c Then the duke of York it should seem has been sent to the round house, and the prince of Wales is put into the pillory.' Letters from England, v. 1, j&» 79. WH23T Forbes met Wilkes at a coffee-house in Paris, he first asked him, ' Whether his name was Wilkes V To this, he made no answer. The other however, softening his tone a little, asked him, * whether he was not the celebrated John Wilkes V This took him in ; but did not entirely take him off his guard : for, when the other immediately challenged him, Wilkes told him he did v;ot think himself engaged to fight every adventrous Scotch- man, merely for giving general opinions on particu- lar countries : and when the other said he would not be trifled with, but that be must meet kim di« : 269 #eetly, Wilkes again parried the attack by gravely puling out his pocket book, and seeming to look over some memorandums, told him he must wait for his turn, for that he had nineteen upon his lis* before him. This raised the laugh against Forbes, when Wilkes quitted the coffee-house, and very prudent- ly kept out of his way ever after. Anecdotes of Wilkes. Captain Vancouver used to say, that he had been nearer the pole that any other man — fov that when the immortal Cook, in latitude 72, was stopped in his progress by impenetrable mountains of ice, and was preparing to tack about, he went to the very end of the bowsprit, and waving his hand, exclaimed — J\e plus ultra. Naval Anecdotes, p. 177. Sir John Meade, the ancestor of the great Dr. Meade, was bred to the law in Ireland, and was deservedly distinguished as one of the finest orators that ever that nation" produced. It hap- pened that Sir Edward Seymour had an estate of 50001. a year fallen to him in Ireland ; but this was a fortune too ©onsiderable to hope to get possession of without difticuUy, as there were other claimants under the same title, and therefore he found his personal appearance in that kingdom absolutely ne- cessary. It is to be observed, that Sir Edward Seymour was accounted the proudest man in Eng- land ; and Sir John Meade wasjio less remarkably £«r that same fault in Ireland, 270 Sir Edward landed at Dublin, filled with that sovereign contempt winch Englishmen generally have for the whole country ; and meeting with some of his old friends, who held the principal posts of honour here, he inquired, c Whether there were any such creatures as lawyers to be met with in this danin'd place V They answered, ■ Yet, and those very good ones ; but if he had any cause of importance to try, he must apply himself to Sir John Meade if he hoped to carry it.' * Well, (said he) let one of my fellows go and fetch him.' * Your fellows ! Sir Edward, (said one of the gen- tlemen ;) why 'tis odds if you can get access to him yourself.' — ( What the devil ! (returned he.) do Irish lawyers take such state upon them V ■ You are to consider, Sir Edward, (said the other,) he is a gentleman of family, has a noble fortune, and is so eminent in his profession, that should he ' be employed against you, you may bid farewell to your cause.' This last argument had such force with it, that Sir Edward condescended to wait on Meade .he next morning ; who being apprised of what the other hud said, resolved to be as stately himself, and accordingly sent him down word, that he was then very busy, but if he was pleased to stay till he was at leisure, he would see him : so Sir Edward was shewn into a parlour, where he remained for an hour, to mortify him, before he could obtain an audience. When Meade thought he had humbled him enough, he then sent to let him know that he should be glad to see him ; and received him with a politeness natural to him ; but when Sir Edward 271 went to open his case, he told him, he must leave his brief, for he could not spare time to hear him. Sir Edward laid down his brief with a purse of gold upon it ; and then taking his leave, departed full of indignation that he had* now met an Irish- man prouder than himself. When the day appointed for trial came, there were several eminent council engaged on the oppo- site side ; and Sir John, resolving to try the patience of his client to the utmost, permitted every one of them to speak before him, without interruption, and sat drawing of birds with a pencil, while Sir Edward could hardly dissemble his resentment, thinking himself betrayed, and judging by the pleadings that the cause must inevitably be deter- mined against him. At length, however, Sir John stood up, and desired to be heard ; and having made himself master of the subject he was to speak tipon, he so fully refuted all Sir Edward's antagon- ists, and made his title to the estate so evident, and with such masterly eloquence, that he obtained a decree to be put in immediate possession. On the breaking up of the court, Sir Edward- pressed Sir John to give him his company that even- ing ; but he excused himself, telling his client, he was that night engaged to a club. ' Well then,' said Sir Edward, Met me accompany you, if you think it will not be disagreeable to your friends.' Sir John made answer, * They would all, he was sure, think he did them honour.' So accordingly Sir Edward met them. Some of his friends find- ing him in bed at twelve o'clock on the ensuing day, he told them, he had been up all night. m4 27% * With whom, Sir Edward ?' c Why, (returned he,) with Homer, Plato, Socrates, Cicero, and all the ancient Greek and Latin poets, philosophers, And orators.' Anecdotes of illustrious Characters. y Price of wines, set and appointed by the vice- chancellor of the University of Oxford, Oct. 21st, 1667, according to which they are to he sold rate- ably in all measures : Canary wines, Allecent and Muscadel, Is. 8d. the quart, and no more. Sack and Malagoes, Is. 6d. the quart, and no more. * French wines, Is. the quart, and no mere. Bhenish wines, Is. 6d. the quart, and no more. John Fell, Vice-Chanc. Oxomana. Some one says, that the disposition of a person is to be known by his hand-writing. The hand- Writing of the great prince of Conde perfectly a- greed with the impetuosity of his character. Se- ,grais says of biro* that he used to write without stopping, so that those who read his letters were obliged to take breath occasionally, and that he on- ly added a point when he changed his subject. He wrote without putting strokes or dots to his let- ter?. Drossiana. A subscription was raised through the diocese of Salisbury to repair the eathedral. The king haying inquired of the bishop how it succeeded, 273 proceeded to ask, why he himself had not been applied to for a contribution. The prelate, with courtly submission, disclaimed such presumption as highly improper. I live at Windsor, said the king, in your diocese, and though I am not rich, can afford to give you an organ, which I know you want ; so order one in my name, and let it be suit- able to so fine a cathedral Esprielhfs Letters, v. 1, p. 51, Johxson was told one day of the French equi- voque of an English lady at Spa, who was asked by a German lady,, on what account she drank the waters of the Spa. She meaning to say, because she had no spirits, replied, because she had no un- derstanding — parce queje tfai point cT esprit. The doctor laughed heartily at the mistake, but said, that after all it was the true reason, perhaps, why she and many other persons frequented that and other watering-places. Jll. S. Dr. Ru)cliffe attending the lady of lord chief justice Holt with a diligence remarkable for one of hi3 situation as a physician, was asked by one of his intimate friends the cause of it — 'Why,' says Dr. Radcliffe, ' to be sure I have brought her through a very obstinate disorder, though I have no particular regard for the woman ; but I know her husband hates her, and therefore I wish to plague him.' European Magazine, 1796. It is an extraordinary fact, and redounds highly to the credit of the new system of education, that the whole disbursements of Mr. Lancaster's ssho©} M 5 from Midsamnaer 1S05 to Midsummer 1807, were only 1551. 10.?. with which sum he educated 900 boys and 250 girls ; being an expense of rather less than 2s. Qd. each. Univ. Mag. 180S. ScorE years since Mrs. Jordan was playing; at Margate theatre with a new performer, an Irish- man, and when he was to have kissed her, she tur- ned her head so as to present little more than her ear. c Och, by Jasus, then,' exclaimed the Hiber- nian, c Til be d- if I kiss you at all. — If you wont let me play my part as a man should— you may do it aW yourself.' And with this he walked off amidst a roar of laughter, R M. Jlilrror, 1 808. Johnny Gloat's house was so called from the le of a man who for a longtime kept the ferry V)o?.t 3 which passes between Scotland and the Or- cades. The family of the Grouts were of Dutch extraction. Three brothers of that name emigrat- ed from the south of Scotland to Caithness, where they realized considerable estates. This property came afterwards to be divided among eight indivi- duals of the same family. The eight chieftains held an annual meeting, at which there arose a which should first take the door, and h should take the top of the table. The Ute would have probably ended in bloodshed, Lad not Johnny Groat, the ferry-man, interfered, acd promised that the quarrel should be settled to mutual satisfaction. Before the anniversary ef the next meeting, Johnny built a room in the form ofar, octagon, with eight doors and eight win- dows ; he placed also in ihe middle a table of the same figure.— When the day of meeting arrived, John desired each to enter at his own door, and sit at the top of the table ; and when all were seated, John took the empty place. Finding thus no room for envy or jealousy, they spent the day in harmony and mirth, and parted with sentiments of mutual affection. The building was afterwards called John o'Groat's house, and though not a vestige of it remains, the place where it once stood, still re- tains the name. , J\'otes on the Poem of the Siller Gun. The following curious anecdote is given on the authority of a record in the consistorial court of Cork. The picture of tho bishop to whom it re- lates, in his captain's uniform, the left hand want- ing a finger, with his name and date of appointment, are also still to be seen in the episcopal palace of that city. Dr. William Lyons, who was preferred to the bishopric of Cork, Cloyne and Ross, towards the conclusion of the reign of queen Elizabeth, was originally the captain of a ship, who had so highly distinguished himself by his gallantry in several ac- tions with the Spaniards, that on being introduced to the cueen, she told him he should have theirs* vacancy that offered. The honest captain, who understood the queen literally, soon after hearing of a vacancy in the see of Cork, immediately set out for court, and claim- ed the royal promise. The queen, astonished at m Q 276 the request, for a time remonstrated against its im- propriety, declaring it was what she never could think of as an office suitable for him. Her objec- tions were, however, in vain. He urged that the royal word was passed, and that he relied on its fulfilmert. Her majesty then said she would take a few days to consider of the matter. On inquir- ing into his character, and finding him a sober, mO^al man, as well as an intrepid commander, she sent for Lyons, and gave him the bishopric, saying, she hoped he would take as good care of the church as he had done of the state. Lyons accordingly repaired to his see, which he enjoyed above twenty years with great reputation ; but never attempted to preach except once, and that was on the death of the queen. On that oe- easion, be thought it his duty to pTiy a tribute of respect to his royal mistress. He accordingly mounted the pulpit of Christ Church, in the city of Cork, where, after delivering a good discourse on the uncertainty of life, and the great and amiable qualities of the queen, he concluded in the follow- ing energetic, but whimsical manner : 'Let those who feel this loss deplore with me on this melan- choly occasion ; but if there be any that hear me who secretly wished for this event, as perhaps there may be, thsy have now got their wish, and the devil (k> them good with it.' Anecdotes of illustrious Characters. LoJidoii Newspapers. — There are, at a me- dium, published in London every morning, 16,000 jtew«pj»pcVfi, and every eveuing about 14,000. Of 277 those published every other day, there are about 10,0r>0. The Sunday newspapers amount to about 25,000 ; and there are nearly -20,000 other weekly papers, making in all the enormous sum of 245,000 per week. At a medium, twenty newspapers are equal to one pound. Hence the whole amounts to about 5 tons per week, or 250 tons per annum. European Magazine, Sept. 1803. I Advertisement Extraordinary. — Whereas di- vers epigrams, jokes ^ and witticisms, of great val- ue, have been stolen from the Satirist ; this is to give notice, that all those editors of newspapers, and other offenders, who have been concerned in such depredations, shall receive our most gracious par- don, provided they acknowledge their offences, and on all future occasions prefix the following words to every article which they may think worthy of transplanting into their respective journals — i From the Satirist of this month. 9 To those who have cruelly mutilated and dis- figured our property, to make it pass for their own, our gracious forgiveness cannot extend. Satirist OJjice, Sept. 25. Availing ourselves of the liberality of the edit- ors, Ave select the following precepts, drawn up by the celebrated lady Wildfire, for the regulation of my wife's conduct. ' The principal use of a husband to a woman of spirit, is to enable her to pursue her pleasures un- molested by scandal. A fashioi able husband of generous sentiments is merely a convenient auto- maton, subservient to the impulses of that prime 278 mover, his wife. He is only a superior kind of se- cretary ; a purse-bearer, accountable for the debts of his consort, but equally unauthorised to investi- gate her conduct or her bills. His proper province is the turf, the cockpit, or the regulation of the laws of pugilism. He may frequent the theatre, the- tavern,the gaming-table, the in short, anyplace but a church : he must not, however, be trouble- some or intrusive at home. There his interfere ce is not only inexpedient, but impertinent ; for it is the peculiar privilege of a woman of spirit to rule the house and all that it contains/ That my wife has profited by the advice of her fashionable Minerva is but too evident. Bath, Sept. 1808. He*ry Whimsey. Satirist, Oct. 1808, Gaurick once gave a dinner at his lodgings to Harry Fielding, Macklin, Havard, Mrs. Gibber, &c. &e. ; and vails to servants being then much the fashion, Macklin, and most of the company gave Garrick's man (David, a Welshman) something at parting — some a shilling, some half a crown, &c. whilst Fielding very formally slipped a piece of paper in his hand, with something folded in the in- side. When the company were all gone, David seeming to be in high glee, Garrick asked him how much he had got. ' I can't tell"vou as yet, sir,' said Davy : * here is half a crown from Mrs. Gib- ber, Got pless hur — here is a shilling from Mr. Macklin — here is two from Mr. Havard, 8cc. — and here is something more from the poet, Got pless his merry heart.' By this time David had unfold- 279 ed the paper, when, to his great astonishment, he saw it contain no more than one penny ! Garrick feit nettled at this, and next (lay spoke to Fielding ahout the impropriety of jesting with a servant. ' Jesting !' said Fielding with a seeming surprise : ' so far from it, that I meant to do the fellow a real piece of service ; for had I given him a shilling, or half a crown, I knew you would have taken it from him ; but by giving him only a penny, he had a chance of calling it his own.' The Cabinet. Evangelical text. — Some little time back, whea the ladies wore higher ornaments on the head than at present, the ■ Sinner saved 1 took occasion to X>reach on the ungodliness of that fashion, and de- livered his text as follows : In # the twenty -fourth chapter of St. Matthew, and seventeenth verse, are these words — ( Top knot, come down /' He then proceeded, after the pious manner of the Method- ists, to prove that this was an interdiction of God against high head-dresses or top-Jcnots. A clergy- man, whom curiosity induced to be present, was completely puzzled by this text ; and when he re- turned home, instantly examined the chapter and verse from whence it was taken, when he found it thus written : ' Let him which is on the house-top not come doivn — to take anything out of his house.' What 'a admirable expounder of the gospel ! ! ! From the Satirist of October, 1808. Scale of Literary Jtferit. — We are told of a learned gentleman who, in his anxiety to be esteem- ed a Maecenas of literature^ made it a practice to 280 entertain all the writers of the day at his table, which mode of patronage was not unpleasant to the objects of it. In order however to prevent all un- pleasantness the patron judged it proper to arrange his guests according to etiquette ; he therefore gave the highest place to those who had written a folio, after these came the quarto authors, the octavo, &c. This may be the reason why some authors are so anxious to sport their quartos and broad mar- gins, when twelves or eighteens would contain all they produce worth reading. Omniana. The windows of the apartments of that eccen- tric character, Dr. Monsey, who was for half a cen- tury physician to Chelsea hospital, looked into the college court and walks. When he had arrived at a very advanced a_e, many members of the faculty, who thought this situation extremely desirable, and the doctor literally an incumbent > most naturally looked forward to the termination of his existence ; and the applications to the minister to succeed Dr. Monsey were innumerable. In consequence of their ardent hopes of the place, the court of Chelsea college used to be the favour- ite walk of the medical candidates. Here they used to enjoy themselves in the contemplation of the ad- vantages or the situation, its vicinity to the metro- polis, and the beauty of the surrounding .^enery. Coach-houses gnraiis> and a- hundred other agre- mens, had certainly their due weight ; while the doctor* sitting at his window, used to ei joy his own thoughts and smile at their presumption. One day this humourist saw, from his observatory, a phy- 281 sieian, accompanied by his friend, who were taking a survey of the spot. The friend was pointing out to the candidate the pleasant situation of the medi- cal apartments, and enumerating the various ad- vantages of the college residence. As Monsey was fond of teizing, he immediately descended. A few words served for his introduction ; when, turn- ing to the physician, he said, ' So, sir, I find you are one of the candidates to succeed me.' The physician bowed, and he proceeded. c But you will be confoundedly disappointed.' c Disappointed !' said the physician, with quiv- ering lips. * Yes,* returned Dr. M. e you expeet to out- live me, but I can discern from your countenance, and other concomitant circumstances, that you are cteeeivinp; yourself — you will certainly die first s though, as I have nothing to expect from that event, I shall not rejoice at your death, as I am persuaded you would at mine.' This was actually the case : the candidate lived but a short time. But, to return to the doctor : he was so diverted with checking the aspiring hopes of his brethren of the faculty, that whensoever he saw a physician on the look out, he used to go down and comfort him in the like manner. He had done so to several, and which is very extraor- dinary, his prognostications were in every instance verified : the medical speculators shrunk aghast from Chelsea ; so that, at the death of Dr. Monsey, the minister was not engaged by a single promise, nor had for some time had a single application for the place of physician to the college, J\h 282 Ix the rolls of parliament, A. D. 144 j, is a pe tilion from the commons of two counties, showing, that the number of attorneys had increased from eight to twenty -four, whereby the peace of those counties had been greatly interrupted by suits : the eomraons, therefore, petitioned that it may be or- dained, that there shall be no more than six com- mon attorneys for Norfolk, six for Suffolk, and tivo for the city of Norwich. Any other person, acting as an attorney, to forfeit 20s. They granted the prayer of the petition, provided the judges thought it reasonable ! Stultifera JYavig. Knighthood was originally conferred in England by the priest at the altar, after confession, and the consecration of the sword, during the Sax- on heptarchy. The first knight made by the sove- reign, with the sword of state, was Athelstan, on whom Alfred conferred this new dignity. The custom of ecclesiastics conferring knighthood was abolished at a synod held at Westminster in 1100 — and in the reign of Henry the third, 1254— all persons having a yearly income of te?i pounds, were obliged to be knighted, or pay a fine to be excused. W. M. Mirror, 1808. Amongst the many facetice related of Dr. Rad- cliffe, it has been noticed that when set in for a drinking bout, he was very unwilling to leave the company, even though sent for by persons of the highest consequence. Whilst he was thus deeply engaged at a tavern a person called in order to in- duce the doctor to visit his wife, who was danger- 285 ously ill, but no entreaties could prevail on the dis- ciple of Esculapius, to postpone his sacrifice to the god of the vine. Enraged at the doctor's obstina- cy, the man, wLo Mas strong and athletic, took him in kis 6>ms, threw h*u over his back, and car- ried him off i:i spite of his resistance. Radcliffe was at first much enraged, particularly as the cir- cumstance excited much laughter amongst the spec- tators ; having cooled a little however before he was set down, he listened to the apology of the anxious husband, who excused himself for his rudeness by the extreme illness of his wife ; he then exclaimed, with a rough oath in his usual manner, ' now, you impudent dog, I'll be revenged of you, for I'll cure your wife !' Anecdotes of distinguished Persons. It is a most mortifying reflection, says Dr. John- son, for any man to consider what he has done, compared with what he might have done. Table Talk. The Cutter, a work lately published in five lec- tures, says, 'A cut, in the metaphorical sense con- ferred upon it by the fash onable world,' is the in- tentional slighting, or overlooking, of any one con- nected with us, either by acquaintance, friendship, or relation.' — 'The cutter signifies the agent, or inflictor of a cut; by the cuttee is meant he on whom the cut is made.' The author proceeds : ' If you are riding on horseback, and would cut an acquaintance, whom you might perhaps conde- stend to notice in a lane, give your eyes a direction 28* parallel with the two si ties of the street, ©r tura your body obliquely to the opposite side of the horse, and examining very closely the parts adjacent to the hoof, look seriously, as if you suspected lame- ness or t've grease.' ' As relatives are not a little obtuse in their nerves, and very apt to misunderstand, and not re- ceive a cut, it will be often requisite to assist theu? weak minds with a frowning stare, a significant shrug of the shoulders, whieh will elevate the cape of your waistcoat to the vicinity of your ears ; and, if more needful, a smile of the most profound contempt. But should they presume to speak and stop you, your only means of escape is to hear them out, to measure them all over with a lack- lustre eye, and with a buzzing sort of whistle to ©ross over the way.* Cutter, p. 12, 23, 7£. A shoemaker of Dublin had a longing desire to work for dean Swift : he was recommended by Mr. James Swift, the banker, and Mr, Sican, a mer- chant. The dean gave him an order for a pair of boots, adding, * when shall I have them ?' * On Sat- urday next,* said the shoemaker. ' I hate disap- pointments,* said the dean, ' nor would have you disappoint others r set your own time, and keep to it.' ' I thank your reverence," (said Bameriek, for that was his name) 6 I desire no longer time thar- Saturday se'nnight, when you will be sure to have them without fail.' They parted, and the boots were finished iG the time ; but, through the hurry of business, Mr. Ba- meriek forgot to carry them home tili Monday 285 evening. When the dean drew the boots on, and found them to his mind, he said, * Mr. Bamerick, you have answered the commendation of your friwnds, but you have disappointed me, for I was to have bee> at Sir Arthur Axheson's, in the county of Armagh^ on this day.* ' Indeed, and indeed, sir, (said Bamerick) the boots were finished to the time, but I forgot to bring them home.' The dean gave him one of his stern looks; and after a pause, asked him, whether he understood gardening as well as boot-making ? Bamerick, an- swered, ' No, sir : but I huve seen some very fine gardens in E gland.' 'Come (said the dean, in a good humoured tone) I will «=hew you improvements I have made in the deanery garden.' They walked through the garden to the further end, when the dean started, as if recollecting some- thing, ' I must ^tep in, (said he) stay here till I eome back ;' then he run out of the garden, lock- ed the door, and put the key in his pocket. Ba- merick walked about till it grew dark, and not see- ing the dean, he at last ventured to follow him, but found the door locked ; he knocked, and called sev- eral times, to no purpose, he perceived himself con- fined between high walls, the night dark and cold, in the month of March. However, he had not the least suspicion of his being intentionally con- fined. The deanery servants went to bed at the usual hour, and the dean remained in his study till two o'clock in the morning. He then went into the hall, and drew the charge out of a blunderbuss, and Other fire arras, then returned and rang his bell. 286 He was immediately attended by one of his ser- vants. c Robert, (said he) I have been much disturbed with noise on the garden side, I fear some robbers have broke in ; give me a lanthorn, and call up Saunders.* Then the dean took the lanthorn, and staid by the arms until the men came. c Arm yourselves (said he) and follow me.' He led them into the garden, where the light soon at- tracted poor Bamerick, who came running up to them. Upon his approach the dean roared out, * There's the robber, shoot him, shoot him.' Saunders presented, and Bamerick, terrified to death, fell on his knees and begged his life. The dean held the lanthorn up to the man's face, and gravely said, * Mercy on us ! Mr. Bamerick, how came you here ?' c Lord, sir, (said Bamerick) don't you remember yon left me here in the even- ing I s « Ah ! friend (said the dean) I forgot it, as you did the boots ;' then turning round to Robert (who was butler) he said, f give the man some v. arm wine and see him safe home.' Darby Coleman, one of Bamerick' s~cvorkrtfen. The popularity of Wilkes ran so high at one time, that many people thought him a handsome many and that his squinting became him ; a laugh- able instance of this is recorded.: In a conversation between tw o of his followers at Guildhall one day, after he had made a considerable speech, ( Tom,' says the one to the other, « what a d d fine handsome fellow master Wilkes is !' c Handsome i* says Tom, 'nay, not much of that, for he squints most horribly. 5 'Squints !' says the other, taking 287 a steadier view of him, c why yes, to be sure he squints a little ; but, d — ran my eyes, not more than a gentleman should do !* Anecdotes of Wilkes. Jaxes Colovsta, the friend of Petrarch, had nobly distinguished himself in a dispute between the emperor and the pope, and had even exposed his life to the fury of the emperor's troops, which surrounded him, while he was the only man who ventured to read the pope's bull to a thousand persons assembled ; and after this he boldly said, * I oppose Lewis of Bavaria ; and maintain that pope John XXII. is the catholic and legitimate pope ; and that he who calls himself emperor is not so. 3 No one replied, and this adventurous step proved successful. Dobsorfs Life of 'Petrarch , v. 1, p. 30, Soon after Mr. Burnet, afterwards judge, was called to the bar, he went the home circuit, when he unfortunately happened to lodge next door to a tall man, who shewed himself as an exhibition, and whose trumpeter kept blowing before the door from eight o'clock in the morning till night. Burnet, wh© yet loved his bottle, and did not return home from the tavern till late, found himself so annoyed from this circumstance, that lie scarcely could get a wink of rest. At last a thought struck him to get rid of so troublesome a neighbour, by very formally send- ing the giant (as he was called)- a subpoena to ap- pear as a witness in a cause which was to have come on the next day. The man, though conscious of his knowing no- thing about the business alluded to, yet had sense enough to know, that if he once made his appear- ance in court, the novelty of his person was at an end, very prudently decamped from his lodgings in the night, and took np his quarters at the next country town. The judge being one day at a circuit dinner, a petulant young lawyer of family was every now and and then interrupting the conversation by asking, * Who had seen the elephant that was then shew- ing at the king's arms tavern, one of the greatest •uriosities in the world ?' After talking about this for some time at the bottom of the table, he put the same question to the judge. Burnet saw the young man's folly, and very gravely replied, * He iiad not ; but that he was very glad he mentioned the circumstance, as he was puzzled to know how to act, and would be obliged to him for his advice. The point is this : — As the showman and I have both entered this town preceded by trumpet s % the great question is, who should pay the first visit ! Pray, sir, can you inform me V Being once applied to by an old farmer in his neighbourhood for his advice in a law suit, he heard his case with great patience, and then asked him, whether he ever put into a lottery ? c No, sir,' says the farmer, 'I hope I have more prudence than to run such risks.' < Why then take my advice, my good friend, and suffer any inconvenience sooner than go to law, as the chances are more against you there than in any lottery/ Brotsiaua, 2S§ After the news of the destruction of the Stamped papers had arrived in England, the minis- try sent for Dr. Franklin to consult with ; and of- fered this proposal : 'That if the Americans would engage to pay for the damage done in the destruction of the stamped paper, &c. the parlia* ment would then repeal the act.' The doctor, having paused upon this question for some time, at last answered it as follows :— - " This puts me in mind of a Frenchman, who, having heated a poker red hot, ran furiously into the street, and addressing the first Englishman he met there, ' Hah! monsieur , voidez-vouz give me de plaisir, de satisfaction, to let me run this po- ker only one foot into your body ?' — ■ My body !' replied the Englishman : * what do you mean ?' — * Vel den, only so far/ marking about six inches. * Are you mad ?' returned the other ; c I tell you, if you don't get about your business, 1 11 knock you down.'— f Vel den,' said the Frenchman, softening his voice and manner ; ' vil you, my good sire, on- ly be so obliging as to pay mr for the trouble and expense of heating this poker ?' " ^Memoirs q/Focte, v. % p. 70. Mn. Serjeant Cochile, like many -others, had conceived a great desire to be in the company of Morland to see him paint; and having a picture' o: his, which by some accident had been injured, iVir. Wedd,with much difficulty, prevailed ou the artist to goto the Serjeant's house, to touch upon It; though not till he had stipulated that he should not be obliged to receive any money, as the Serjeant H 290 had always behaved in a very friendly manner to- ward him, and had offered his professional assist- ance, should he ever stand in need of it. Morland in a few ho*irs finished the picture, highly to the satisfaction of Mr. Cochill, who presented him with a purse of guineas. This no persuasion could induce him to accept. So much however did he mistrust his resolution, that he whispered his friend not to leave him, lest in his absence he should he over- come by the temptation. Mr. Wedd was at last obliged to interfere, and inform serj :ant Cochill of the conditions under which alone Morland had con- sented to come. On one occasion, about two years after this, during his confinement in the king's bench, while out upon a day's rule, Morland, having become in- ebriated as usual, quarrelled with a Mr. Clifton, afe a public house. A captain Cunningham, of the it>yal waggon train, who was also a fellow prisoner and on a day's rule, took the part of Morland. The dispute ended in blows, and Mr. Clifton brought an action against the . aptain, which Morland, hav- ing been the cause of it, felt himself boun^j to de- fend. He now availed himself of serjeant Cochin's kind offers, who hell a brief in this cause ; but, when it came on, the plaintiff proposed by his counsel that each party should pay their own costs, which was agreed to. In lieu of a fee, Morland presented the serjeant with a drawing, u rider which were written the words endorsed on the brief— '"Clifton versus Cunningham ; brief for the defend- ant, Mr. Serjeant Cochill ; Wedd, attorney.' This drawing the serjeant received with muth satisfy- £91 tion, declaring that he should consider it of more value than any fee he had ever received. Daive's Life of Morland, p. 154, 157* If a negro is asked even an indifferent question by his master, he seldom gives an immediate reply ; but affecting not to understand what is said, com- pels a repetition of the question, that he may have time to consider, not what is the true answer, but what is the most politic one to give. Edwards' West Indies. Advertisement. — Wanted for a family, who have bad health, a sober, steady person, in the ca- pacity of doctor, surgeon, apothecary, and man- midwife, lie must occasionally act in the capa- city of butler, and dress hair and wigs. He will be required to read prayers occasionally, and to preach a sermon every Sunday. The reason of tills advertisement is, that the family cannot any iong r afford the expenses of the physical tribe, and wish to be at a certain expense for their bodies and souls. A good salary will be given. Inquire for W. D. at the Pine-Apple, Orchard -Street. Morning Herald. A gentleman riding near his own house in Ire- land, saw a cow's head and fore feet appear at the top of a ditch through a gap in the hedge by the road's side, at the same time he heard a vo.ee al- ternately threatening and encouraging the cow : the gentleman rode up closer to the scene of action*, 9 2 £92 &nd he saw a boy's head appear "behind the cow. * My good boy,' said he, ' that's a fine cow.' ' Oh, faith, that she is,' replied the boy, ' and I'm teaching her to get her own living, please your honour.' The gentleman did not precisely under- stand the meaning of the expression, and had he directly asked for an explanation, would probably have died in ignorance ; but the boy, proud of his *ow, encouraged an exhibition of her talents : she was made to jump across the ditch several times, and this adroitness in breaking through fences was termed f getting her own living.* As soon as a cow's education is finished, she may be -sent loose into the world to provide for herself: turned to graze in the poorest pasture, she will be able and willing to live upon the fat of the land; and what is scarcely credible, this character is openly given of a cow, to enhance her value at a fair, by one poor person to another of his own rank. , EdgeivortK's Practical Education^ v. l,/>. 326. A west country collier's description of a church, accidentally visited in a shower of rain at Bristol : 6 I have been in a place where I never was be- fore, and where I never design to be again ; for there I zaw twelve vellows cock'd up in a sort of hay -loft, shouting and zinging away^ for dear life. I ax'd 'em if they had got any thing to drink there — and a zort of a dog-whipping vellow came up to me with a zwitch in his hand, and told me in a huff, I could get nothing to drink there. How dost know that ? says I — -theebeest not land-lord — beest thee ? So then he took my hat off my head. Dang 593 ft, I had a great mind to a given un a douse o'th* •hops, and zet un a spinning tike a whirligigg. But I thought I would'nt kick up a doust. Zo I went a little varther, and I zaw a zet of men and women penn'd up together like zo many ewes and wethers at a vair. In the middle of 'urn there was a little mon lock'd up in a tub — a was, as true as I'm a living zoul of a zinner, loek'd up in a tub breast high, with a zhirt as black as a coal, and a little white zlobbering bib, slit in two, and stuck under his chin. Turning up his eyes, he prayed away to be delivered. Below there zat a litt^mon mock* ing 'un ; for whatever one said t'other said too. By and by, the little mon in a black shirt pull'd it off, and then there was another as white as a clout, and then with a twist of his wristippes, he opened the tub and came down, and took a little baby out of a woman's arms, and carried it to a zort of a hog trow, and splashed his vace over and ovep again with cold water. Dang it, thinks I, who knows where this frolic may end ? Mayhap, if th« maggot bites, they'll duck me too, and zo I took to my heels, and scampered away. And if they do catch I within zide of a church again, I'll give 'sm leave to zouse and zop me o'er and o'er again.' Lee Lewis' Comic Sketches, p. 153. Mr. Steevens, who, for some particular rea- son, did not feel any great predilection for the An- tiquarian Society, caused a cup to be constructed of stone, on which he engraved some rude Saxon characters, apparently intimating, from broken syl- lables, that it was the vessel, out of which Hardi« A*±> JO Canute used to drink to his knights at his round ta- ble. This vessel, by the manoeuvres of Mr. Steev- e-ns, was conveyed to Somerset House, for the in- spection of the learned body of antiquaries, after un- dergoing every necessary transfiguration, to give it the appearance of having imbibed the mould of age, the solemn hue of antiquity. Upon this cup the erudite Mr. Pegge wrote a very elaborate and learned disquisition, stamping it, indelibly, the ves- sel of Hardicanute . Stultifera JVavis. It is fourWen years since the last snow fell m Lisbon. Dr. H. was in bis chaise when it began ; the driver leapt off : ' You may get home how you can, said he, * as for my part, I must make the best use I can of the little time this world will last ;' and away he ran into the next church. Soutkey's Letters from Spain and Portugal, v. 2. A servant w r as sent with an invitation from a lady of fashion to Garrick, one evening, when lie "was dressed for the part of Abel Drugger. Gar- rick desired him, in the voice and manner of the character he was about to personate, to leave the card. The mimickry was so consummately exe- cuted, that the servant refused to leave the message, as he was sure that it was not Mr. Garrick, whom he had often seen, and with whose person he was well acquainted. The story being related by Garriek to Dr.Hawkes- worth, the latter gentleman seemed entirely to dis- credit it, alleging that such a deception was alto- gether impossible, The actor immediately laid a 295 wager with the doctor, that he would practice with success the same piece of humour with him. Ac- cordingly, not long after this conversation, he habit- ed Himself in the character of the farmer, in his in- terlude of that title, and put up his horse at a pub- lic house on the Hampton road, not long before he parsed, on the w^y to Garrick's house. When the doctor was gone by, he mounted and overlook him. In the course ot their conversation, the farmer in- quired to what house he was going ; to which the doctor answered, to Mr. Garrick's ; I know him well, replied his companion, for he is my landlord, and I am going in a day or two to pay him my rent. They parted, and Garrick having changed his dress, received his friend, who was entirely ignorant of the deception. The next morning Garrick put on the same dress ; and coming into the parlour, where Hawkesworth was sitting, was immediately recog- nized by the doctor, who entered into a conversa- tion with him. At length Garrick revealed him- self, and the doctor confessed that he had lost the wager. Ireland's Graphic Illustrations of Hogarth^ v. 2, p. 145. During the month of October, 1795, a sort of relief to the dull round of Portsmouth presented itself, in a company of equestrians, who opened a circus, or theatre for horsemanship. Of the spec- tators, no small proportion consisted of sailors (drunk or sober) and the lovely cyprians of the place. The low buffoonery of the clown, you may believe, w*s suited to his audience, and certainly, it was eoarse and vulgar as even Portsmouth might a 4 296 desire. One evening, a jolly tar, in a St of mirtii, let himself down from the gallery, snatched off the fool's cap, which he put upon his own head, and, usurping the place and character of the clown, de- sired him to 'budge? for he was 'too great a fool to keep the deck? This introduced a very ludi- crous scene between Jaek and the clown. The •lown met the adventure as mere sailor's fun, bore it patiently, and, in his own way, endeavoured to turn it to the amusement of the audience : while Jack made many hits of humour and drollery, and seemed, not altogether, unworthy of the cap. For some time they maintained a very ridiculous and sportive contest who should wear it, Jack repelling the rough wit and sarcasm of the clown with con- siderable effect. But at length the latter observ- ing that ( tivo fools' were 'too much for so genteel mi audience? abruptly seized the cap from the head of the merry tar, and poor Jack, thus deprived ©f necromantic influence, reeled off the stage, a mere drunken sailor, stammering by way of apol- ogy, ' D — d damme, ladies and g — gentlemen, fm o — b — b — liged to Btrike, for t' other's the \ — b — biggest fool.' PinkarcTs Notes fl>ja the West Indies, v. 1, p. 55, 1st ed. When Lee the poet was confined in'Bedlan*. a friend went to visit him, and finding that he could converse reasonably, or at least reasonably for a poet, imagined that Lee was cured of his madness. The poet offered to shew him Bedlam. They Vent over this melancholy medieal prison, Lee, moralising philosophically enough aU the tee V& 297 keep his companion perfectly at ease. At length, they ascended together to the top ©f the buildingri and as they were both looking down from the pe- rilous height, Lee seized his friend hy the arm, • Let us immortalize ourselves !' he exclaimed ; c let us take this leap. We 11 jump down togethei- this instant.' e Any man could jump- down/ said his friend, coolly ; ' we should not immoi'talize our- selves by that leap ; but let us gadown, and try if we can jump up again.*' The madman, struck with the idea of a more astonishing lea^p than that which he had himself proposed, yielded to this new- impulse, and- his friend rejoiced to see him run down stairs full of a. new project for securing im- mortality.. Eclgeworth, In the province of Munster, it is a common^ thing for the women who follow a funeral, to join the universal cry with all their might and main for some time, and then to turn and ask, 'Arrah ! who is it that's dead ? — who is it that we're erying for ?' Certain old women, who cry particularly loud and well, are in great request, and, as a man said to the editor, '"Every one wou:d wish and be proud to have such at his funeral, or at that of his friends.' A friend of mine, who travelled into Spain, re- cited to me an extraordinary epitaph on the king of Spain's precentor, which he had seen himself at Saragossa : < Here lies John Cabega, precentor of my lord the king. When he is admitted to the elrir of angels, whose society he will embellish, and where he will distinguish himself by his now K 5 298 ers of song, God shall say to the angels, * Cease, ye calves ! and let me hear John Cabeca, the pre- centor of my lord the king. 3 Segrais. At Edinburgh, a performer, one of those who are ever studying to take an audience by surprise with introducing what they call so?ne new stroke of acting, had taken the part of Hamlet, for the ben- efit cf a public charity, when the stage was crowd- ed by all ranks and descriptions. On the appear- ance of the ghost, he, as the hero, made his trage- dy start, struck off his hat in a most paiitomimical manner, and began in the usual way — ' Angels and ministers of grace defend us.' A Scotch • pedlar, standing just behind him, took up his hat, saying — ■ Hoot awa mon ! donna fash your noddle ! — but keep your bonnet on your heed ; for gin he be your faither's spirit, the de'el a ray saul mon, he wou'd na wish you to get cold, sir.' This so disconcerted the poor actor, that, instead of addressing the ghost, as he should have done, he turned about and fixed his eyes upon the ped- lar—and continued — e Be thou a spirit or goblin damn'd,' Sec. * Damn your gooblins !' said Sawney ; 'to -the reeght about, mon, and mind your business : for gin ye make a goobliu or a deel a me, the de'el dora, nay saul but I'll crack your croon.' JBee Lew's* Comic S'eetchec. p. 131. BffAXiicjf, a'lady of Smyrna, enraged at 'her husband and son for having put to death a son of ker's, by a former marriage, a youth of great pro- 299 siise, poisoned both the murderers. The lady was convicted of the crime, and pleaded her cause as well as she could. Cn. Dolabella (who was then proconsul in Asia, and before whom the cause was brought,) unwilling to acquit a woman of two crimes, which she had fully confessed, and at the same time loath to condemn a mother who aveng- ed the murder of her son, transmitted the decision to the court of the Areopagus.* The judges, sym- pathising with the embarrassment of Dolabella* decreed, that ( The prosecutor and the culprit should appear before them again at the end of one hundred years, and then judgment should be pass- ed on the criminal.' • Valerius JHaximus, c. 14, b. 8. T':e following anecdotes illustrate the propriety of giving barbarous nations the examples as well "*§ the precepts of religion, morality, and industry. A chief of one of the north American tribes was soli- cited to admit a French missionary to convert more of his subjects. f Xo,' said the chief :• there are too many converted already; my prajing subjects have ail of them forgot to pay me their taxes.' A British American priest attempting to convert an Indian, the inhabitant of the forest turned short upon him, and replied sharply : < When I find that the English are good by means of the religion they profess, I will then adopt the same. When I goto Quebec to sell my furs/ continued the Indian, 'the ♦Areopagus was the high criminal court at Athens, wherein murders were arraigned. Harivoed. * 6 300 towns-people do not ask me to their houses, and entertain me as we do them. When they visit our country, we kindle a fire to warm the stranger, we spread a mat upon which viands are heaped for his food, and when the hour of rest draws near, furs for his bed and his repose. What is our re- turn from the christians ? If I enter their houses and call for victuals and drink, they inquire wheth- er or not I have got money to pay for them ; and shew me an account of the expense, instead of tak- ing a friendly farewell, when I am going to depart. 1 lie fur merchant, at whose house I called upon th*e sabbath, told me he would transact no commer- cial business upon that holy day ; at the same time he hinted, that he would not give me above a cer- tain price for the furs. He went to church, at whieh I much rejoiced, seeing the good things he was to hear might soften his heart, and induce hira to give me a more conscientious price. Having no- thing to do, I went to church likewise : but the con- gregation stared at me so, that I went out again, and waited at the church door for my merchant. I could hear the priest speaking with great vehe- mence : no doubt, said I to myself, he is desiring them to be honest and fair in their dealings, both to their God and to the Indians. Well, my mer- chant at -last came out : I asked him if he would give me a higher price : to my astonishment he offered less than before. Now it was evident from this what the priest had been saying, and that you christians go to church only to learn hoiv to cheat the Indians in the price of beaver? Letters from Scandi?iavia } v. 2, p. 10. SOI Cyran amused himself one day with cracking nuts, and in endeavouring to throw the shells through the bars of his chamber window, in which attempt he was seldom or ever successful. His fail- ure occasioned him to make the following sublime reflection ; * Thus it is that Providence takes a de- light in frustrating my designs/ Sorbiere* The Lord Treasurer Burleigh. The consum- mate abilities of this great minister were always directed to the maintenance of the true interests of the nation. War he abhorred ; and, to the ex- tent of his power, avoided increasing the burthens of the people for unnecessary purposes. ' I do not love,' was his expression, 'to see the treasury swell like a disordered spleen, while the other parts of the commonwealth are in a consumption,'* His private virtues were equal to his public conduct, and his actions were regulated by temperance, mod- eration, industry, and justice. His magnificence was accompanied by hospitality ; and the sums he consumed in deeds of alms amounted to 5001. annu- ally. His conduct, as a judge, was exemplary and just. ' He would never,' says his biographer, f ' suffer lawyers to digress or wrangle in pleading ; advising counsellors to deal truly and wisely with their clients ; that if the matter was naught, to tell them so, and not to soothe them ; and when he found such a lawyer, he would never think him ho- nest, nor recommend him to any preferments, as not fit to be a judge that would give false counsel.* Beauties of England, v. 1, p. 318, * Camden's Annals, t Collins, 30£ D-ean Switt, although net an amateur of music, was nevertheless very fond of exercising his choir on Sunday evenings. On one occasion it happen- ed, that a.choirister was in disgrace, and durst not appear ; — the dean however, having given peremp- tory orders for a full attendance on the next Sun- day evening, he was obliged to be in his place, when the choir having assembled, and the dean being en- throned, the cathedral service began and contin- ued till the anthem was given out, when the poor culprit rose up, and looking very earnestly at the dean, began, accompanied by the organ in a very soft and plaintive strain, ' Whither shall I fly from thy presence, or whither shall I go/ — the dean instantly answered in a rough voice ; * To gaol, you dog :' — the cholrister dropt on his knees, pardon was granted, and he was restored to favour. Life of Swift. They have a good regulation in Lisbon with re- gard to fires. The watermen, who sell the water in barrels that they carry on their shoulders, are divided into wards, of each of which the individu- als take the command in rotation. Every man is obliged at night to carry home his barrel full, and, in case of fire, it is the business of the head of the ward to collect all who belong to it. An English sailor happened to see a fire there ; assistance came late, and the house burnt slowly. f Curse it,' cried he, squirting out his tobacco, ' there's no spirit m this country ; why 7 we should have had a dozen bouses burnt down by this time.' Southey's Letters, v. 2. p. 158. A member of the Quorum in Cumberland, who was the very mouth-piece of eloquence in his oivn country, when he went up to London, inquired at a shoemaker's shop in Cranbourn Alley, if be could meet with a pair of small shoes for bis little girl in the country, with^raA? heels, pointed toes, and cropt straps for clasps, whicb he expressed in the follow- ing provincial dialect : 'I pray ye noo, ban yee gatten ^ny neatly, feetly, sboen, poainted toen, pink'd at heel and cropped strops for ciopses ?' f Sir,* answered the sbopkeeper, c wbat's that you say ?' ( Why, I pray ye noo,' [ repeats as before.'] * The family who speak French,' said the shoe- maker, ' lives at the next door.' Lee Lewis' Comic Sketches •, p. 150. Conceive to yourself a country formed as it were by a collection of mountains frona all the other parts of the world, and covered, or rather loaded, with ice and snow, from the pole — this is Lapland. Con- ceive too the most uncouth squat figure possible, clothed in dirty skins of beasts — this is the Lapland- er. But this country, say the natives, was the par- adise in which our first parents dwelt, and from which all nations have their origin. Placed upon the top of the globe, they esteem themselves above all mankind. They are of divine origin ! Probably the gods of the ancients were supplied from Lap- land : their chief arts at this day prove them of celestial breed : they are manufacturers of thun- der, lightning, hail, and storms. 304 "We made haste to get back to the Torneo ? which at our arrival, 30th December, had a most frightful appearance. The little houses were bu- ried in snow; which, if there had been any day- light, must have effectually shut it out. The snow contmually falling, or ready to fall, hid the sun for the few moments he remained above the horizon^ In January the cold was increased to such an ex- tremity, that M. Reaumur's thermometer, which at Paris in the great frost, 1709, it was thought strauge to see fall to 14° below freezing point, was sow got down to 37°. The spirit of wine in the others froze. If we opened the door of a warm roona, the external air instantly converted the va- pour of it into snow, whirling it round in white vor- texes. If we went out we felt as if the air was tear- ing our breasts asunder. The solitude of the streets was no less than if the inhabitants had been all. dead. Such is a Lapland winter ! The soul is chilled with the idea of it, and retreats to more hospitable ©limes. Lc Mourner's Travels... Henry Cromwell was the fourth son of the protector, by whom he was appointed lord lieuten- ant of Ireland, in which station his integrity and talents procured him the esteem of every party. After the restoration, he retired to Chippenham,, where he resided with his father and his brother- in-law, nearly six years. He then removed to his estate at Spinney Abbey, where he passed the re- mainder of his days, ' descending,' says Dr. Gib- bons, ' from the toilome grandeur of governing 505 aten, to the humble and happy occupation of hus- bandry.' In this retirement he was visited by Charles II. who, on returning to Newmarket after the diversion of hare hunting in the vicinity of Spinney Abbey, in September, 1671, expressed a wish for refreshment, and being informed by a courtier, that a very honest gentleman resided iu the neighbourhood, who would think it an honour to entertain his majesty, desired to be conducted to his mansion. On entering the farm-yard, which led to the house, one of the king's attendants took up a muck-fork, and throwing it across his shoul- der, walked in a stately manner before Mr. Crom- well, who was then in the yard, wondering at the number of his visitors, and still more so at this cer- emony, which even surprised the laughter-loving Charles, who inquired its meaning. ' Sire,' said the muck-fork bearer, c the gentleman before whom I now carry this implement of husbandry, is Mr. Henry Cromwell, to whom I had the honouy of being mace-bearer when he was in Ireland.' The monarch smiled ; but Mr. Cromwell thrilled with confusion. This, however, was soon remov- ed by the ease and gaiety of the royal guest ; and the hungry company having been treated with much hospitality by the generous Henry, departed from his table with expressions of gratulation and pleasure. Noble* s memoirs of 'the Pro- tectorate House of Cromwell At the commencement of the troubles in France, it is a curious fact, that the lieutenant-general of the national police, as well as that of the metro- polls, has upon his registers the names of not less then twenty thousand suspected and depraved char- acters, whose pursuits were known to he of a crim- inal nature; yet, by making this part o:' police the immediate object of the dorse and uniform atten- tion of one branch of the executive government, crimes were much ie^s frequent than in England; and the security extended to the public, with re- gard to the protection of life and property against lawless depredation, was infinitely g r eat er. To elucidate this assertion, and to shew to what a won- derful height the system harl advanced, the reader is referred to the following anecdotes ; which were mentioned to the author by a foreign minister of great intelligence and information, who resided some years at the court of France. ' A merchant of high respectability in Bordeaux, had occasion to visit the metropolis upon commer- cial business, carrying with him bills and money to a very large amount. f On his arrival at the gates of Paris, a genteel looking man opened the door of his carriage, and addressed him to this effect : — Sir,' I have been waiting for you some time ; according to my notes, you were to arrive at this hour ; and your person, your carriage and your portmanteau, exactly an- severing the description 1 hold in my hand : yen -will permit me to have the honour of conducting you to JSlonsieur de Sarti?ie. e The gentleman, astonished and alarmed at this interruption, and still more so at hearing the name of the lieutenant of the police mentioned, demand- ed to know what Monsieur de Sartine wanted with 307 adding, at the same time, that he never bad committed any offence against the laws, and that he could have no right to interrupt or detain him. * The messenger declared himself perffeclty igno- rant of the cause of the detention ; stating, at the same time, that when he had conducted him to Monsieur de Sartine, he should have executed hi* orders, which were merely ministerial. * After some further explanations, the gentleman permitted the ofncer to conduct him accordingly. Monsieur de Sartine received him with great po- liteness ; and after requesting him to be seated, to liis great astonishment, he described his portman- teau ; and told him the exact sum in bills and spe- cie which he had brought wth him to Paris, and where he was to lodge, his usual time of going to bed, and a number of other circumstances, which the gentleman had conceived could only be known to himself. — Monsieur de Sartine having thus exci- ted attention, put this extraordinary question to him — Sir, are you a man of courage ? — The gen- tleman, still more astonished at the singularity of such an interrogatory, demanded the reason why lie p«t such a strange question, adding at the same time, that no man ever doubted his courage. Mon- sieur de Sartine replied, — Sir, you are to be robbed and murdered this night ! — If you are a man of courage, you must go to your hotel, and retire to rest at the usual hour : but be careful that you do not fall asleep ; neither -will it be proper for you to look under the bed, or into any of the closets -which are in your bed chamber ; (which he accurately described ;) — you must place your portmanteau in 30$ its usual situation, near your bed, and discover to* suspicion: — Leave what remains to n\e.—Tf, how* ever, you do not feel your courage sufficient t& hear you out, I will procure you a person who shall personate you, and go to bed in vour stead. After some further explanation, which convinced the gentleman that Monsieur de Sartine's intelli- gence was accurate in every particular, he refused to be personated, and formed an immediate reso- lution literally to follow the directions he had re- ceived : he accordingly went to bed at his usual hour, which was eleven o'clock. — At half past twelve (the time mentioned by Monsieur de Sar- tinej the door of the bed-chamber burst open, and three men entered with a dark lantern, daggers, and pistols. — The gentleman who of course was a- wake pereeived one of them to be his own servant. They rifled his portmanteau undisturbed, and set- tied the plan of putting him to death. — The gentle- man hearing all this, and not knowing by whal means he was to be rescued, it may naturally be supposed, was under great perturbation of mind during such an awful interval of suspense ; when, at the moment the villains wera preparing to com- mit the horrid deed, four police officers acting un- der Monsieur de Sartine's* orders, who were con- cealed under the bed, and in the closet, rushed out and seized the offenders with the property in their possession, and in the act of preparing to commit the murder.* Another anecdote was mentioned to the author by the same minister, relative to the emperor Jo- tej>h II. That monarch having in the year 1787 g S09 formed and promulgated a new code of laws f ela* tive to criminal and civil offences ; and having also established what he conceived to be the best sys- tem of police in Europe, he could scarcely ever forgive the French nation, in consequence of the accuracy and intelligence of Monsieur de Sartine, having been found so much superior to his own ; notwithstanding the immense pains he had bestow- ed upon that department of his government. s A very notorious offender, who was a subject of the emperor, and who committed many attro- eious acts of violence and depredation at Vienna, was traced to Paris by the police established by his majesty, who ordered his ambassador at the court of France to demand that this delinquent should be delivered up to public justice. ' Monsieur de Sartine acknowledged totheimpe- rial ambassador, that the person he inquired after had been in Paris ; that, if it would be any satis- faction, he could inform him where he had lodged, and the different gaming-tables, and other places of infamous resort, which lie frequented while there ; but he is now gone. ' The ambassador, after stating the accuracy and^ eorrect mode by which the police of Vienna was conducted, insisted that this offender must still be in Paris ; otherwise the emperor would not have commanded him to make such an application. £ Monsieur de Sartine smiled at the incredulity of the imperial minister, and made a reply to the following effect : f Do me the honour, sir, to inform the emperor, jjour master 9 that tlie person he- looks for left Par » 310 is on the 10th day of the last month ; and is not* lodged in a back room looking into a garden in the third story of a house, number 93, in — ; street, in his own capital of Vienna ,• -where his ma- jesy will, by sending to the spot 9 be sure to find him. 6 It was literally as the French minister of police had stated. The emperor, to his astonishment, found the delinquent in the house and apartment described ; but he was greatly mortified at this proof of the accuracy of the French police ; which, in this instance, in point of intelligence even in Vi- enna, was discovered to be so much superior to his own/ ColqiihouiLs Police of the .Metropolis, p. 35%. Iris well known that chastisements which Peter the Great inflicted with his own ba id \wn-e never supposed to disgrace those woo suffered them. When a courtier was soundly drubbed, or pulled by the nose, or had a toot'., tor \ out by the emper- or, at all which exercises Peter w.is remarkably dexterous, he suffered only the bodily paia of the operation. His hono ir was ot in the least affect- ed. And as it seldom happened that his master put less confidence in him after .such an acei ent than he had d*ne before it, his credit suffered as little as his honour. Peter had summoned a meeting of his council, I have forgot on what occasion, at Seven in the morning. When he entered the senate-house, he was astonished to find not one of those arrived whr>m he bad ordered to attend. By the time he 311 had waited about ten minutes, and wrote himself up to a proper degree of rage, the president ap- pears ; who, seeing the storm that was about to fall on him, begins to make an apology. But in Tain. Peter, whose passions never listened to ex- cuses, instantly seizes and belabours him most se- verely. Every member shared the same fate ac- cording to the order of his arrival, until general Gordon appeared. The general wa3 not a little alarmed at the appearance which the council-room presented. But the emperor's rage was by this time pretty well exhausted, and he only told Gor- don, that, as he had not been punctual to his time, he was very lucky in being so far behind it. f For,* added he, * I am already sufficiently fatigued with beatirg these scoundrels ; and I understand that a Scotch constitution does not agree well with a drubbing.' Letters from Scandinavia, v. \ 9 p. 23. Tue great power which the captains of the Isle of Wight had, may be instanced by the curious anecdote respecting attorneys, quoted by Sir Rich- ard Worsley from the papers of Sir John Oglander, a descendant from one of the most ancient families in this island, and who lived at the beginning of the seventeenth century. ' I have heard,' observes the knight, * and partly know it to be true, that not only heretofore there Was no lawyer nor attor- ney in owre island ; but in Sir George Carey's time, an attorney coming in to settle in the island, was by his command, with a pound of candles hanging att his breech lighted, with bells about his legs, hunt- 312 ed owte of the island ; insomuch that our ancestors lived here so quietly and securely, being neither troubled to London nor Winchester, so they sel- dom or never went owte of the island ; insomuch as when they went to London, thinking it an East- India voyage, they always made their wills, sup- posing no trouble like totravaile.' In another part of his writings, Sir John remarks, that c peace and latu hath beggared us all ;' but since his time, the legal practitioners have so greatly increased, that _ many of the inhabitants make little scruple of wish- ing that Sir G. Carey was aliTe again. Beauties of England and Wales, v. 4 & 6, p. 69 & 343. A?ioxg the extraordinary instances of the sin- gular tastes and partialities of certain men, may be adduced that of choosing enormous large bells. Several are still preserved as curiosities in Eng- land ; but all of these are surpassed by some on the continent. The great bell at Moscow weighs 432,0001b. that at St. Peter's in Rome, re-cast in 17i55, is 18,66rib. Another of 17,0001b. weight is placed in the tower of the Palazzo Vecchio at Florence, and is 275 feet from the ground. The great Tom of Oxford weighs 17,000lb. the great bell of St. Paul's, London, is only 8,4001b. The great bell of Exeter weighs 12,500ib. and the great Tom of Lincoln weighs 9,8941b. 0.\- the death of Hardicanute, (son of Canute, and Emma, Ethelred's widow,) Edward his half brother, surnamed the Xlonfsssor. from his presum- ed sanctity, was called tc the throne by the general 315 voice ; arid his coronation was conducted with great rejoicings in the city of Winchester. On this oc*- casion, Edward granted a charter to the cathedral, ordering the donation of half a mark to the master of the choir ; and a cask of wine, and 100 casks of r/hite bread, to the convent, as often as a king of England should wear his crown in the city of Winchester. During the reign of this monarch, a remarkable trial of the fiery ordeal is registered to have been made on the person of queen Emma, who had been accused, among other calumnies, of a criminal in- tercourse with bishop Alwyn, her kinsman. The particulars of this singular story, as detailed in the pages of Rodborr-e, and the Winchester An- alist, are thus given by Miiner. ( Emma having succeeded in her request to clear, herself, and bish- op Alwyn, by the fiery ordeal, came from the ab- bey of Wherwell to the cathedral church, and there spent the night, preceding her trial, in fervent prayer. The morning being come, the king, the bishops, and an immense multitude of persons, of all descriptions, assembled in the cathedral, to be spectators of the event. The pavement of the nave being swept, nine plough-shares red with heat, were placed in a line upon it, while Emma, hav- ing invoked the Almighty to deal with her accord- ingly as she is innocent or guilty of the crimes laid to her charge, prepares herself for the trial, by lay- ing a&ide her robes, and baring her feet. She is then conducted by two bishops, one having hold of each of her hands, to the glowing metal. In the mean time, the vaults of the church thunder 314 with the voices of the assembled multitude, whs, in loud shouts, call upon the Almighty to save the royal sufferer, and their cries are echoed through the whole city, by the crowds who were unable to gain admittance into the church. She herselt' rais- ing up her eyes to heaven, and walking slowly on, thus makes her prayer : ' O God, who didst save Susannah from the malice of the wicked elders, and the three children from the furnace of fire, save me, for the" sake of thy holy servant Swithin, from the fire prepared for me.' In a word, she is seen to tread upon each of the burning irons, and is not even sensible that she had touched them, but ad- dressing herself to the bishops, who had now led her almost to the end of the church, she exclaim?, •' When shall I come to the plough-shares ?' They turn round, and shew her that she has already pass- ed them : the lamentations of the multitude then teasing, the air resounds with acclamations of joy and thanksgiving, still loader than their formev prayers had been. The king alone is found ever- whelmed with grief, and bathed in tears, lying up- on the ground in the choir; to whom Emma being conducted, he begs her forgiveness, in terms of the utmost humility aed sorrow, for the injurious sus- picions thot he had eatertamed concerning her, and the rigour with which he had treated her. Not content with this, he requires of her, and the bishops there present, to strike him with a wand, which he presents to them. She accordingly gave her son three blows ; when, having embraced him, feoti*-she and bishop Alwyn were put into full pos- session of their formev rights aiUl property, and 315 ever after enjoyed the royal favour and respect in, the degree they merited.' Belated also in the Poly-Chronicon of Raimlph Eigden. The following popular account of curious ser- vice, and which still continues to be performed with the prescribed ceremonies, though not by the pro- prietors i,:. person, is thus given in * A True Ae- coui-t/ printed and circulated at Whitby : ' in, the fifth year of the reign of Henry II. after the conquest of England by William, duke of Nor- mandy, the lord of Ugglebardeby, then called Wil- liam de Brute ; the lord of Sneton, called Ralph de Percy ; with a gentleman and freeholder called Allatson, did, on the 16th October, 1159, appoint to meet and hunt the wild boar, in a certain wood, or desart place, belonging to the abbot of Whitby : the place's name was Eskc! ale -side ; and the abbot's name was Sedman. Then, these young gentlemen being met, with their hounds and boar-staves, in the place before mentioned, and there having found a great wild boar, the hounds ran him well near about the chapel and hermitage of Eskdale-side, where was a monk of Whitby, who was an hermit. The boar being verj sorely pursued, and dead-run, took in at the chapel door, there laid him down, and presently died. The hermit shut the hounds out of the chapel, and kept himself within at his meditations and prayers, the hounds standing at bay without. The gentlemen, in the thick of the wood, b«ing put behind their game, followed the cry of their hounds, and so came to the her- mitage, calling on the hermit, who opened the o2 316 door, and came forth ; and within they found the boar lying dead ; for which, the gentlemen, in a very great fury, because the hounds were pu£from their game, did most violently and cruelly run at. the hermit with their boar-staves, whereby he soon after died. Thereupon the gentlemen perceiving and knowing that they were in peril of death, took sanctuary at Scarborough ; but at that time the ab- bot being in very great favour with the king, re- moved them out of the sanctuary ; whereby they came in danger of the law r , and not to be privileg- ed, but likely to have the severity of the law, which was death for death But the hermit being a holy and devout man, and at the point of death, sent for the abbot, and desired him to send for the gentle- men who had wounded him. The abbot so doing, the gentlemen carae ; and the hermit being very sick and weak, said unto them, ' I am sure to die of those wounds you have given me.' The abbot answered, c They shall as surely die for the same.* But the hermit answered, ' Not so, for I will free- ly forgive them my death, if they will be content to be enjoined the penance I shall lay on them for the safeguard of their souls.' The gentlemen being present, bade him save their lives. Then said the hermit : * You and yours shall hold your lands of the abbot of Whitby, and his successors, in this manner : That, upon Ascension-day, you, or some of you, shall come to the wood of the Stray -heads, which is in Eskdale-side, the same day at sun-ris- ing, and there shall the abbot's officer blow his horn, to the intent that you may know where to find him ; and he shall deliver unto yon, William 817 de Bruce, ten stakes, eleven strout stowers, and eleven y ethers, to be cut by you, or some for you, with a knife of one penny price : and you, Ralph de Percy, shall take twenty-ene of each sort, to be cut in the same manner ; and you, Allatson, shall take nine of each sort, to be cut as aforesaid ; and to be taken on your backs, and carried to the town of Whitby, and to be there before nine of the clock the same day before mentioned. At the same hour of nine of the cloek, if it be full sea, your labour and service shall cease ; and, if low water, each of you shall set your stakes to the brim, each stake one yard from the other, and so yether them on each side with your yethers ; and so stake on each side with vour strout stowers, that they may stand three tides, without removing by the force thereof. Each of you shall do, make, and execute, the said service, at that very hour, every year, except it be full sea at that hour ; but when it shall so fail out, this service shall cease. You shall faithfully do this, in remembrance that you did most cruelly slay me \ and that you may the better call to God for mercy, repent u^feignedly of your sins, and do good works. The officer of Eskdale-side shall blow, Out on you/ Out on you / Out on you! for this heinous crime. If you, or your successors, shall refuse this service^ so long as it shall not be full sea at the aforesaid hour, you, or yours, shall forfeit your lands to the t bbot of Whitby, or his successors. This 1 entreat, and e?raestly beg, that you may have lives and {roods preserved for this service ; and I request of you to proir ise, by your parts in heaven, that it shall be done by you, aud o 3 31S you and your successors, as is aforesaid requested ; and I will confirm it by the faitli of an honest man.' Then the hermit said, ' My scul longeth for the Lord ; and I do as freely forgive these men my death, as Christ forgave the thieves on the cross.' And, in the presence of the abbot and the rest, he said moreover these words : e In manv.s tiias, Do- mine t commendo spiritum meum, a vinculis enim mortis rederapiisti me, D amine veriiatis. Amen: — So he yielded up the ghost the eighth day of December, anno Domini 1159, whose soul God have mercy upon. Amen.' Charlton's History of Whitby, and Whitby Abbey, p. 125 , 6, 7 . Theus is among the Jews, a law concerning jealousy ; and the rabbis ha\e written comments upon it, and argue the point with such nicety, that the exact number of minutes is allotted which a married lady may spend with a gentleman, before her husband has any right to suspect her. It is, those precise casuists determine, just as long as it takes to boil an egg, and to swallow it. J. P. Andrews' Anecdotes, p. 188. Tee Rev. Mr. Patten was a very extraordinary character. He had been chaplain to a man of war, and was, during many years, curate of Whit- stable, at r very small stipend, and used every Sun- day to travel, in a butcher's cart, to do duty at ano- ther church. Whitstable, lying close to the sea, is verv aguish, so that had he been dismissed, it would have been very difficult for the archbishop of Can- terbury, to whom the living belonged, to have pro- 319 Tided another curate at the same Ioav rate : this he well knew, and presuming upon it, was a great plague to every new primate. When Dr. Seeker was enthroned, or soon after, he gave a charge to his clergy, and, among other articles, found great fault with the scanty allowance often paid to curates. Mr. Patten, who was there, (though not summoned, as his usual boldness at these meetings, occasioned an order for him to he left out of the list) arose from his seat, and bowing to the archbishop, said with a loud voice, * I thank your grace.' After the charge was over, this trou- blesome subaltern, bustling through the croud, came up to the metropolitan, who seeing that he could not avoid him, began with the usnal question, 4 You are, sir, I apprehend, curate of Whitstable V * I am so,' returned Mr. Patten, ( and have receiv- ed the paltry sum of thirty pounds per annum from your grace's predecessors, for doing the duty of a living which brings in full three hundred.' 'Don't enlarge, Mr. Patten/ said the archbishop ; ' No, but I hope your grace will, 9 rejoined the curate. In his illness, being in extreme distress, arch- bishop Seeker sent him ten guineas by the arch- deacon. The dying humorist thanked him sincere- ly, and, in the style of the age of James I. ' Tell the primate,' said he, 'that I now own him to be a man of God, for I have seen his angels.' G. St. Ctttubert was, in the choice of his sepul- chre, one of the most mutable and unreasonable saints in the calendar. He died A. 1). G86, in a hermitage upon the Farue Island, having resigned o4 320 the bishopric of Lindisfarne, or Holy Island, about two years before. His body was brought to Lindis- farne, where it remained until a descent of the Danes, about 763, when the monastery was nearly destroyed. The monks fied to Scotland, with what they deemed their chief treasure, the relics of St. Cuthbert. The saint was, however, a most ca- pricious fellow traveller; which was the more in- tolerable, as, like Sinbad's Old Man of the sea, he journeyed upon the shoulders of his companions. They paraded him through Scotland for several years, and came as far west as Whithern, in Gal- loway, whence thsy attempted to sail for Ireland, but were driven back by tempests. He at length made a halt at Norhain ; from thence he went to Melrose, where he remained stationary for a short time, and then caused himself to be launched Upon the Tweed in a stone-coffin, which landed him at Tillmouth, at Northumberland. This boat i9 finely shaped, ten feet long, three feet and a half in diameter, and only four inches thi«k ; so that, with very little assistance, it might certainly have swam. It still lies, or at least did so a few year3 ago, in two pieces, beside the ruined chapel of Tillmouth. From Tillmouth, Cuthbert wandered into Yorkshire ; and at length made a long stay at Chester-le-street, to which the bishop's see was transferred. At length, the Danes continuing to infest the country, the monks removed to Rippon for a season ; and it was in return from thence to Chester-le-street, that, passing through a forest call- ed Dunholen, the saint and his carriage became hnmoYeable at a place named Wardlaw, or "Wardi- 321 law. Here the saint chose his place of residence-; and all who have seen Durham must admit, that, if difficult in his choice, he evinced taste in at length fixing it. It is said, that the Northumbrian ca- tholic* still keep secret the precise spot of the saint's sepulchre, which is only entrusted to three persons at a time. When one dies, the survivors associate to them, in his room, a person judged fit to be the depositary of so valuable a secret. Although we do not learn that Cuthbert was^ during his life, such an artificer as Dunstan, his brother in sanctity, yet, since his death, he has ac- quired the reputation of forging those Entrochi which are found among the rocks of Holy Island, and pass there by the name of St. Cuthbert's beads. While at this task, he is supposed to sit during the night upon a certain rock, and use another as his anvil. Mammon— Notes, p. 47, 8, 50. The following piece of grave advice, notwith- standing the great name of the counsellor, will not r < we think, have many followers. In a fracture of the thigh, ' the extension ought to be particularly great, the muscles being so strong that, notwithstanding the effect of the bandages, their contraction is apt to shorten the limb. This is a deformity so deplorable, that when there is reason to apprehend it, I would advise the patient to suffer the other thigh to be broken also, in order to have them both of one length/ Hippocrates, . Garni rig -Houses. — It may be some sort of amuse- laent to present our readers with the following list 322 of officers established in the most notorious gaming- houses, as far back as the year 1731. Since that period, the English nation, having made rapid ad- vances towards improvement in every branch of commerce, the polite arts, and public amusements, the gaming-houses of the present day, the resort of the whole world of fashion, must undoubtedly have banished all persons of the following description, and established themselves on a much more polish- ed and liberal plan :— 1. A commissioner, always a proprietor, who looks in of a night, and the week's account is audit- ed by him, and two others of the proprietors. — 2. A director who superintends the room. — 3. An operator, who deal the cards at a cheating game called Faro. — 4. Two crowpees, who watch the cards and gather money for the bank. — 5'. Two puifs, who have money given them to decoy others to play. — 6. A clerk, who is a check upon the puffs, to see that they sink none of the money that is giv- en them to play with. — 7. A squib, who is a puff of lower rank, and serves at half salary, whilst he learning to deal. — 8. A flasher, to swear how often the bank has been stripped. — 9. A dunner, who goes about to recover money lost at play. — 10. A waiter, to fill out wine, snuff candles, and attend in the gaming-roora. — 11. An attorney, a Newgate io'icitor.— 12. A captain, who is to fight a gentleman that is peevish for losing his money. — 13. An usher, who hgbts gentlemen up and down stairs, and g ; ves the word to the porter. — 14. A porter who is gener- ally a soldier of the foot guards.--15.An orderly man, who walks up and down outride of the door, to give 323 notice to the porter, and alarm the house at the approach of the constables. — 16. A runner, who is to get intelligence of the justices' meeting. — 17. Linkboys, coachmen, chairmen, drawers, or others who bring the first intelligence of the justices' meetings, or of the constables being out, at half a guinea reward. — 18. Common bail, affidavit men, ruffians, bravoes, assassins, muliis cum aliis. The following whimsical notice was sent a few days ago to the parish clerk of a town in the west of England : 6 Sir, the negociation respecting the Hymeneal bands being terminated betwixt ■ on the one part, and on the other, you are hereby re- quested to cause the preliminaries to be published to-morrow, in the temple, as a prelude to the rati- fication of the definitive treaty.' Morning Chronicle, The following petition, written by lord Chester- field, is perhaps the most severe satire that ever was couched in respectful terms, and is recommend- ed as a pattern to the patriots in their remon- strances and petitions, to observe the graces. To the KH\i*& Smost excellent Majesty. 7 lie humble petition ©/"Philip, earl of Chesterfield, knight of the most noble order of t lie garter y Sherveth, That yonr petitioner, being rendered, by deaf* ness, as useless and insignificant as most of his equals and cotemporaries are by nature, hopes, in common with them, to share your majesty's royal 06 324 favour and bounty ; whereby he may be enabled either to save or to spend, as he shall think proper more than he can do at present. That your petitioner, having had the honour of serving your majesty in several very lucrative em- ployments, seems thereby entitled to a lucrative re- treat from business, and to enjoy otium cum dig- 7iitate ; that is, leisure, and a large pension. Your petitioner humbly presumes that he has, at least, a common claim to such a pension. He has a vote in the most august assembly in the world ; he has an estate that puts him above wanting it ; but he has at the same time (though he says it) an elevation of sentiment, that makes him not only desire, but (pardon, dread sir, you are used to) m- sist upon it. That your petitioner is a little apt, and always un- willing, to speak advantageously of himself; but, as, after all, some justice is due to one's self, as well fro others, he begs leave to represent, That his loy- alty to your majesty has always been unshaken, even in the worst of times j that, particularly, in the late unnatural rebellion, when the pretender advanced as far as Derby, at the head of at least 3009 undisciplined me?i s the flower cf the Scottish nobility and gentry, your petitioner did not join him, as unquestionably he might have done, had he been so inclined ; but on the contrary, rai- sed sixteen companies , of one hundred men each, St the public expense, in support of your majesty's undoubted right to the imperial crown of these realms ,• which distinguished proof of his loyalty is, to this hour, unrewarded. 6%o Your majesty's petitioner is well aware, that your civil list must necessarily be in a low and languid state, after the various frequent and profuse evacu- ations which it has of late years undergone ; but, at the same time, he presumes to hope, that this ar- gument, which seems not to have been made use of against any other person whatsoever, shall not, in this single case, be urged against him ; and the less so, as he has good reasons to believe, that the de- ficiencies of the pension fund are by no means the last that will be made good by parliament. Your petitioner begs leave to observe, that a small pension is disgraceful and opprobrious ; as it intimates a shameful necessity on one part, and a degrading sort of charity on the other ; but that a great one implies dignity and affluence on one side, on the other, regard and esteem ; which, doubtless, your majesty must entertain in the highest degree for those great personages whose respectable names stand upon your eleemosynary list. Your petition- er, therefore, humbly persuades himself, upon this principle, that less than 30001. a year will not be proposed to him ; if made up gold, the more agree- able ; if for life, the more marketable. Your petitioner persuades himself, that your ma- jesty will not suspect this his humble application to proceed from any mean, interested motive, of which he has always had the utmost abhorrence. No, sir, he confesses his own weakness. Honour alone is his object. Honour is dearer to him than life. To honour he has always sacrificed all other considerations ; and, upoa this generous principle singly, he now solicits tli*t houour, which, in the 526 me9t shining times, distinguished the greatest men in Greece, who were fed at the expense of the pub- lic Upon this honour, so sacred to him as a peer, so tender to him as a man, he most solemnly as- sures your majesty, that, in case you shall be pleas- ed to grant him this his humble request, he will gratefully and honourably support and promote, with zeal and vigour, the worst measure that the worst minister can ever suggest to your majesty ; but, on the other hand, should he be singled out, marked, and branded by a refusal, he thinks him- self obliged in honour to declare, that he will, to the utmost of his power, oppose the wisest and best measures that your majesty yourself can ever dictate. And your majesty's petitioner, &c. Gentleman'' $ Magazine, Sept. 1775. The following is a literal copy of a card lately sent to the Grand Allies office in this town :— • I Willy Woff wishes te naw whe has te de wi the houses at Tantovy, for Jack Steinson leives abuin me and he lifts up the bords every morning wi a pore, and lets his bugs fa down amang ma crowdy.' 'Grand alize offies Newcastle.' The demonstrations of friendship in a rude state, have a savage and gross character, which it is not a little curious to observe. The Tartars pull a man by the ear to press him to drink, and they continue tormenting him till he opens his mouth. It is then they ciap their hauds and dance before him, 327 No customs seem more ridiculous than those practised by a Kamsehatskan, when he wishes to make another his friend. He first invites him to eat. The host and his guest strip themselves in a cabin which is heated to 1 uncommon degree. While the guest devours the food with which they serve him, the other continually stirs the fire. The stranger must bear the excess of the heat as well as of the repast. He vomits ten times before he will yield ; but at length obliged to acknowledge himself overcome, he begins to compound matters. He purchases a moment's respite by a present of cloaths or dogs ; for his host threatens to heat the cabin, and to oblige him to eat till he dies. The stranger has the right of retaliation allowed to him : he treats in the same manner, and exacts the same presents. Should his host not accept the invitation of his guest whom he has so handsomely regaled, he would come and inhabit his cabin, till he had obtain- ed from him the presents lie had iu so singular a manner given to him. For this extravagant custom a curious reason has been alleged. It is meant to put the person to a trial, whose friendship is sought. The Kamtscha- dale, who is at the expense of the fires and the re- past, is desirous to know if the stranger has the strength to support pain with him, and if he is ge- nerous enough to share with him some part of his property. While the guest is employed on his meal, he continues heating the cabin to an insup- portable degree ; and for a last proof of the stran- ger's constancy and attachment he exacts more cloaths anil more dogs, The host passes through 328 the same ceremonies in the cabin of the stranger ; and he shews, in his turn, with what degree of fortitude he can defend his friend. It is thus the most singular customs would appear simple, if it were possible for the philosopher to contemplate them on the spot. As a distinguished mark of their esteem the ne- groes of Ardra drink cut of one cup at the same time. The king of Loango eats in one house and drinks in another. A Kamtschadale kneels before his guest; he cuts an enormous slice from a sea calf ; he crams it entire into the mouth of his friend, fu- riously crying out, c Tana P — There ! and cutting away what hangs about his lips, snatches and swal- lows it with avidity. Curiosities of Literature, v. 1, p. 288. A Yorkshire baronet, extremely fond of trinkets, was diverting the tedium of a Sunday evening, by admiring in the glass a very beautiful broach, which radiated with uncommon brilliancy from his shirt- bosom : Miss S , who often rallied her friend on his foible, attacked him in the fact, and he, to avoid a direct answer himself, referred to a third person, whether there were not many worse modes of consuming the afternoon of the Sabbath day, especially after having been twice at church. Indeed, sir, replied the referree,rve ever understood there were few better ways for a man to spend the Sun- day evening, than by looking into his own breast. Jl. S. A tery worthy gentlewoman, who, like many of her sex, thought no great harm in a good bargain from a smuggler, remarked to a few of her friend? - 329 one evening after supper, that her gin cost only 8s. 6d. a gallon. One of the guests professing that stern sort of never deviating sanctity commonly called Methodism, took the opportunity of sermon- izing on the subject, and concluded by saying, the lady had, beyond all doubt, been tempted by the devil. Mr. W. who is an equal connoisseur both in gin and joke, replied, Though I cannot believe, sir, that our good hostess has been under influence of the devil, yet I really do think she has been tempted by some bad spirit. M. $. A good wife should be like three things, which three things should not be like. She should be like a town's clock, keep time and regularity ; she should not be like a town's clock, speak so loud, that all the town may hear. She should be like an echo, speak when she is spoken to ; she should not be like an echo, always to have the last word. She should be like a snail, keep within her own house ; she should not be like a snail, carry all she has upon her back. Natjbe affirms that linen was so rare in the reign of Charles VII. (who lived about the time of our Henry VI.) that the queen, alone, could boast of two shifts. Fruit seems to have been very scarce in the time of Henry VII. It appears that apples were paid for at a high rate, not less than one or two shillings a piece ; that " a red rose," cost two 330 shillings, and that a man and woman had eight shillings and fourpence for strawberries. At the same time the gay arts were not neglected : as for example : To e a strange taberer' were given sixty-six shillings and eight-pence. To e a strange tumbler,' twenty shillings. And to ' Master Barnard, the blind pocte,' one hundred shillings. From an original JM. S. signed by Henry VII and kept in the Remembrance office. / Five holy sisters, buxom, young, and fair, Were given to fri'r Antonio's pious care. They edified so fast, ere Sol had run Through ten celestial signs, each bore a son. The friar called to answer these misdeeds, Them in excuse before the bishop pleads : Five talents, reverend sir, from heaven are given, Five more are gairfd, so well my case hath thriven. The bishop smiled, and called the friar to grace, For faith it seems 'twas once his lordship's case. M. S. About the year 1759, a remarkable adventur- er, named Amine or Immen, found his way from India to London. His story, though very curious and interesting, is too well known, to he a proper object for minute narration in this work, and it is only touched upon here, in order to introduce the account of a laughable error into which his ignor- ance of the English language betrayed him. Al- though descended from an opulent family, a wild 331 effort of juvenile patriotism hud incited him to work his passap-e to Britain, in search of military knowledge and experience. He found his way, after many distresses, to Wapping ; he met with still more distresses there ; hut at length his perse- vering spirit surmounted all obstacles ; he became known and regarded ; he received supplies from his father; and he rendered himself master of the science in the pursuit of which he set out. In the hours of his gaiety, the editor, who was introduced to him, has heard him with great humour relate the following tale : On his first landing in Wapping, the landlady desired to know his name ; this puz- zled him. His own country name, he thought, might sound ill in English ears; lie therefore de- termined to give in that appellation by which the gailors had called him during the v hole voyage, and which he supposed, though he did not comprehend it, must he entirely applicable to him. So he inno- cently told the landlady that his name was 'Cock- eyed-son-of-a-b-tch,' that having been the term bestowed on him, in the ship, b}~ his marine asso- ciates. /. P. Andrews' Anecdotes, p. 100. Many reasons have btsn assigned for the earth- quake and darkness at the crucifixion, but to me this appears the only rational cau*e. The blessed Virgin, who always in humility was accustomed to look upon the ground, lifted up hsr eyes to the cress. Deprived of the light of her e} es, the earth trembled, and the sun hid himself, ashamed to be- hold superior radiance. Southey> p. 77. Frtm a Spanish sermm of an Irish priest. 3S2 He that fears the L©rd Gf heaven and earth, walks humbly before him, thankfully lays hold of the message of redemption by Jesus Christ, and strives to express his thankfulness by the sincerity of his obedience.— He is sorry with all his soul, when he comes short of his duty. He walks watch- fully in the denial of himself, and holds no confed- eracy with any lust, or known sin : if he falls in the least measure, he is restless till he has made his peace by true repentance. He is true to his prom- ises, just in his dealings, charitable to the poor, sincere in his devotion. He will not deliberately dishonour God, although secure of impunity. He hath his hopes and his conversation in heaven, and dares not do any thing unjustly, be it ever so much his advantage ; and all this, because he sees him that is invisible, and fears him because he loves him ; fears him as well for his goodness as his greatness. — Such a man, whether he be an episco- palian, or a pi'i-sbyterian, an independent, or an. anabaptist : whether he wears a surplice, or wears none ; whether he hears organs, or hears none ; whether he kneels at the communion, or for con- science sake standi or sits, he hath the life of reli- gion in him; and that life acts in him, and will conform his soul to the image of his Saviour, and go along with him to eternity, notwithstanding his practice, or non-practice, of things indifferent. Oa the other side, if a man fears not the eternal God, he ean eommit sin with presumption ; drink ex* c^essively, swear vainly or falsely, commit adultery, lie, cozen, cheat, break his promise, live loosely, though at the same time he may *be studious to practise every ceremony, even to a scrupulous ex- actness, or may perhaps as stubbornly oppose them, Though such an one should cry down bishops, or presbytery ; though he should be rehaptized every day, or declaim against it as heresy ; and though he fast all the Lent, or feast out of pretence of avoiding superstition ; yet, notwithstanding these, znd a thousand external conformities, or zealous oppositions of them, he wants the life of religion. The Sum of Religion, -written by judge Rale, lord chief justice of England, and found in the closet 9 amongst his other papers after his decease. Passing Bell. — The passing bell was anciently rung for two purposes, one to bespeak the prayers of all good christians for a soul just departing, the other to drive away the evil spirits, who stood at the bed's foot and about the house, ready to seize their prey, or at least to molest and terrify the soul in its passage ; but by the ringing o£ that bell (for Durandus informs us evil spirits are muchafrtud of bells) they were kept aloof, and the soul, like a hunted hare, gained the start, or had what is by sportsmen called law. Hence, perhaps, exclusive of the additional labour, wa3 occasioned the high price demanded for toiling the greatest bell of the church ; for that being louder, the evil spirit must go fur- ther off to be clear of the sound. JLncyclopxdia Britannica. In the cathedral at Sarragossa is the tomb of a famous inquisitor ; six pillars surround this tomb ; to each is chained a Moor as preparatory to his being burnt. On this St. Foix ingeniously observes. 334 if ever the Jack Ketch of any eountry should be rich enough to hare a splendid tomb, this might serve as an excellent model. Curiostles of Literature, v. 1, p. 281. Family. — Great-Britain can produce in the royal line of Stuart, a race as steadily unfortunate as ever were recorded in history. Their misfor- tunes have continued with unabated succession, during 390 years. Robert III. broke his lieart, because his eldest son Robert was starved to death, and his youngest, James, was made a captive. James I. after having beheaded three of his nearest kindred, whs assassinated by his own uncle, who was tortr.red to death for it. James II. was slain by the bursting of a piece of ordnance. James III. when flying from the field of battle, was thrown from his horse, and murdered in a cot- tage, into which he had been carried for assistance. James IV. fell in Flodden field. James V. died of grief for the wilful ruin of his army, at Sol way Moss. Henry Stuart, lord Damley, was assassinated, and then blown up in his palace. Mary Stuart was beheaded in England. James I. and IV. died, not without suspicion of being poisoned by lord Buckingham. Charles I. was beheaded at Whitehall. Charles II. was exiled for many years. James II. lost his crown, and died in banishment. Anne, after a reign, which, though glorious, was rendered unhappy by party disputes, died of a 335 broken heart, occasioned by the quarrels of her fa- voured servants. The posterity of James II. have remained wretched wanderers in foreign lands. /. P. AndreivB Anecdotes, p. 111. About twenty years ago, some French mer- chants at Cadiz haviiig received a consignment of leather from one of our manufactories, were much alarmed at seeing the officers of the inquisition en- ter their houses. They desired to see the leather newly arrived, and having observed that it bore the image of the holy virgin, which was the mark of the manufactory, exclaimed against the profanation. They remarked that the leather being intended to make shoes, the image of the mother of Christ ran the hazard of being trodden under foot, and there- fore confiscated it. The affair was referred to the supreme tribunal at Madrid. The merchants, nauch alarmed, had recourse to the court, by means of their ambassador. The court and the tribunal re- ceived the complaint in the manner it merited. The officers of the inquisition were enjoined not to molest strangers under such trilling pretexts, and the merchants recovered their leather without far- ther trouble. Hourgoing's Travels in Spain. Letter from the Jews of Spain to those of Con- stantinople. — Honoured Israelites, health and greeting! Know that the king of Spain by force obliges us to turn christians, and deprives us of our effects, and destroys our synagogues, and works us many other vexations, so that we are altogether ftonfused and uncertain how to act. We therefore 336 entreat you by the law of Moses to give us some assistance, and send us, with all speed, the result of your deliberations to regulate our conduct. Chaxorra, Chief of the Jews in Spain. The Answer. Beloved Brethren in Moses, We have received the letter, in which you have acquainted us with the troubles and misfortunes that oppress you ; and we sympathize with you in your sufferings. This is the opinion of the chiefs and rabbis : You say that the king of Spain by force obliges you to turn christians. Do so, therefore, because you can do nothing else. You say that he deprives you of your effects ; make your sons tradesmen, that so by little and little you may deprive them of theirs. You pay that he takes away the lives of many of y -nv brethren ; make your sons physicians and apothecaries, that they may take away theirs also. As they have destroyed your synagogues, make your sons divines and priests, that you may destroy theirs ; and as-theywork you many other vexations, make your sons notaries, and lawyers, and coun- sellors; if you follow the advice that we give, you shall well avenge yourselves, and by this submis- sion you will gain wealth and possessions, and we shall see that, from being abject aud despised, you will become respected. Ussus, Chief of the Jews in Constantinople. Southeifs Letters, p. 271. HW mm WmM-H jiwHafr Mffi$i wmmmm, ffil^ WWfflTWm^ \^ Y u\ti K K liMMm. i A £ Ps ^ ' ' n ^ mmm fcliai ^h*-' .AkAi* rtnJWP* "r^^PB LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 021 100 894 5 JEST -W 1 tacr S£*mKA*z \mCgffi ac£r~ rmr*: