I£ KAN-UK 
 
 PHEKUTfc/ 
 
 Bi,lfiN&ii 
 
Class __l]jLjyL_ 
 BoolL_____l__ 
 Coi)yrig!itN»_3fr^ 
 
 CDPMRIGHT DEPOSrr 
 
The Chronicle of 
 Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 Being a copy of a scroll inscribed by him, 
 
 what time he did travel in his Caravan 
 
 throughout the land of Kan-a-Da and 
 
 of Am-er-Eka in the days of the 
 
 Great War, and now given to 
 
 the world by its finder 
 
 Frank Burne Black 
 
 ^ 
 
 G. P. Putnam's Sons 
 
 New York and London 
 
 ^be "ftnicfterbocfter ipress 
 
 1918 
 
1\^ 
 
 
 Copyright, 1918 
 
 BY 
 
 G P. PUTNAM'S SONS 
 
 ^'^^~*.f9l8 
 
 Ube ftnicfterbocfter ptcse, "ftcw |?orfc 
 
 (Q)CU506430 
 
DEDICATION 
 
 Now a dedication is that portion of a scroll 
 wherein the scribe doth usually demean 
 himself and grovel in the dust; saying To 
 So-So, whose sandals of the high heel I am 
 unworthy to fasten. Or to He-Hi-Hum who, 
 shall he deign to cast but the one look, and 
 that even at the wrapping of this my miser- 
 able scroll, will thereby fill me with the 
 delights of the Blessed. Or yet again, to 
 Hokus-Pokus who knoweth more about the 
 subject upon which I do write, than I could 
 ever learn; aye though I did live until my 
 years were as those of the Croc-0-Dile. 
 
 Yet I, even Kan-Uk the Kute, favour not 
 these sayings. 
 
 For behold I write not up to any man as to 
 a patron, nor down to any man as to a slave. 
 
 But do I dedicate this my chronicle to my 
 brothers ; yea to those sons of Kan-a-Da and 
 of Am-er-Eka who love life ; and are fond of 
 mirth. In whose veins is red blood and not 
 water; and who have got them up like men, 
 and journeyed forth, and after many days 
 have arrived at that place where men do live 
 in holes in the ground that they might thereby 
 
 lii 
 
iv Dedication 
 
 swat the Amalekites which are at this day 
 called Huns. 
 
 Where the arrow fiieth by day, also the 
 Eero-Plane; and the trench rat, and the 
 brown bug, biteth by night ; and from which 
 their souls ever cry out for deliverance, even 
 for trips to Blighty. 
 
 To ye, my brothers, I dedicate this Chron- 
 icle of the things which I see of men. For ye 
 is it inscribed; and later, when many copies 
 shall be made from this mine own scroll, they 
 shall be sent amongst ye, and ye shall read 
 my words what time the candle doth burn, 
 and the Canned-Horse shall be served out. 
 
 And after ye have read, I beseech ye do this 
 thing : 
 
 If it be that my words find favour in your 
 sight, pledge me, I pray ye, in that which 
 warmeth the inner man ; or f aihng that, in the 
 brew of the herb of the field, even Tea. 
 
 And having done this thing, get ye up, 
 every one of ye, and swat for me one Hun. 
 
 Thus shall it be proved that verily the 
 Stylus shall prick even as the sword; and 
 thereby shall the heart of the Scribe be 
 gladdened ; even the heart of 
 
 Kan-Uk the Kute. 
 
BOOK I 
 
 Concerning Will- Yum of the Huns and sundry matters 
 which did occur before the war. 
 
 Also how the war did arise; and why it is good that this 
 Chronicle should be writ. 
 
CHAPTER I 
 
 1. To the men of Kan-a-Da and of Am-er- 
 Eka and to the young men and the maidens. 
 To they whose countenances are bright, and 
 still more so to those who are of the doleful 
 aspect, and sour, and as the grape before it 
 reddeneth. Greetings and Peace. 
 
 2. This is the Chronicle of Kan-Uk the 
 Kute concerning what manner of things did 
 come to pass in the land, what time the 
 mighty nations warred together. 
 
 3. For whereas this is a perverse and un- 
 truthful generation, behold it is wise that this 
 Chronicle shall be written of the things which 
 truly be; lest it shall come to pass that in 
 after years men shall draw unto themselves 
 their sons, and their sons' sons, and shall say: 
 
 4. Yea in those days this thing did 
 happen; or: It is said this thing did befal; 
 and, Some men believed this mystery came to 
 pass ; all of which shall be out of accord with 
 the doings which did really befal; even the 
 Untruth. 
 
4 The Chronicle of 
 
 5. So that the young men might rise up 
 and say : How now grey beard ! What is this 
 that thou tellest us ? Thinkest thou, that we 
 are Hke unto the flocks of the field, even the 
 Baa-Lamb with no understanding; or Hken- 
 est thou us to the Goat, even the He-Goat 
 which is surprising thick about the skull? 
 
 6. Out upon thy tales of this great war; 
 for we say unto thee thy words are as the 
 ramblings of one whose brain hath become of 
 a watery consistency ; yea who is approaching 
 the Dip-Pee; and whose holdings forth are 
 v/hat men do call Pif-Fle. 
 
 7. For lo: I have beholden aforetimes, 
 that if in his youth a man by m.uch brain 
 sweat, and the wrapping of the head in the 
 cooling bandage, even the Wet-Tow-El shall 
 have handled some simple problem in such 
 wise that he who did examine the figures did 
 say : Go to ! Get thee to the next form. Not 
 that thou hast come anywhere near unto the 
 right answer, but because thou hast surely 
 done thy best, poor though it be. 
 
 8. When I say, in due course, that man 
 doth speak unto his son in the after years, 
 he forgetteth him that which was truly said 
 unto him, and doth say unto his son words 
 like unto these : 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 5 
 
 9. My son, I perceive that out of six of 
 the problems which were put before thee, 
 thou wast able to solve but five. Be diligent ; 
 be alert; Remember whose son thou art. 
 Make thy talents so seen of thy teachers that 
 they shall say: Truly we did marvel at his 
 exceeding great cleverness; but now is this 
 thing made simple unto us, for behold he is 
 the son of So-and-So ! 
 
 10. And yet again have I observed that if 
 a man shall catch a fish of a surprising big- 
 ness, next day he doth say unto his friend: 
 Lo I did put it upon the scale and found it 
 not wanting. Nay I tell thee, it did score 
 full two pounds and a fifth. 
 
 11. But upon the third day, he meeteth 
 another friend, and he doth say unto him: 
 Heareth thou of the fish which by my prowess 
 I did bring to land ? I say unto thee that it 
 was of a weight not quite equal to the four 
 pounds; and of a surprising fatness. 
 
 12. And again upon the fourth day, being 
 called by one who had knowledge of him and 
 who asked : Tell me I pray thee is this thing 
 true which men do say, that as thou didst cast 
 thy line into the lake upon a certain day thou 
 didst take a mighty fish, the weight whereof 
 was nigh on to six pounds, or was it seven? 
 
6 The Chronicle of 
 
 13. He answer eth and said: As thou 
 knowest, I am a disciple of I-Zak from my 
 youth upwards; and never before did I see 
 such a fish. Likewise am I a true disciple of 
 I-Zak in that I ever do behttle that which I 
 do catch. Therefore would I say no word 
 which would be beside the mark; but this I 
 tell unto thee in secret ; I have no faith in the 
 balance they did bring unto me, and knowing 
 not for a certainty the weight of that fish, 
 no man shall hear me say that it did scale 
 more than the six pounds thou didst first 
 mention. 
 
 14. And having observed these things of 
 men, Lo I say unto you that such do happen 
 because this is a perverse and a short-minded 
 generation in which men do forget the things 
 as they are, and do see them afterwards in 
 a different manner. 
 
 15. Therefore ye men of Kan-a-Da and 
 of Am-er-Eka it is good in my sight that to 
 avoid such evils in the days to come, there 
 shall be made in this my day even the day 
 of the Great War, a Chronicle of the things 
 which have been, and also which are. 
 
 16. And of this Chronicle there shall be 
 made many copies; and they shall be sent 
 hither and thither and to and fro throughout 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 7 
 
 the land. Nay there shall be no abiding 
 place which shall not have access to a copy. 
 
 17. From Vik-To-Rea in the West to all 
 that now remaineth of Hal-ee-Faks in the 
 East and in Win-E-Peg and Tor-on-Tum and 
 in the cities of Kee-Bec in Kan-a-Da; and 
 in Neark and Buf-Lo and Frees-Ko and 
 Schkaa-Go and throughout all the land of 
 Am-er-Eka. 
 
 18. And men shall possess this Chronicle, 
 and shall read them in it, and shall send it 
 to those who are still at the war, or in the far 
 country ; and shall hand it down to their sons, 
 and their sons' sons, even with the papers 
 which are called In- Shore- Ans. 
 
 19. And this writing shall be called The 
 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute even because 
 I Kan-Uk shall write it. 
 
 20. And concerning the form of this 
 Chronicle, behold it shall not be of the kind 
 whereof men do read but for a little time, and 
 there is heard a gurgling in the wind-pipe, 
 and a complaining of the nostrils, and the 
 head doth drop forward and the eyes do 
 close. 
 
 21. For inasmuch as it is good that we 
 should acquit us like men in all adversity, 
 and since not one of us is responsible for the 
 
8 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 bringing about of these doings, neither he who 
 sitteth in the seat of the mighty even the 
 Coun-Sil, nor he who standeth upon the floor 
 of the Temple of Palaverment, nor he who 
 hath little wherewithal to either stand or sit 
 upon, save only that which Nature hath 
 provided. 
 
 22. Therefore I Kan-Uk the Kute do 
 write unto you and say: Let there be the 
 sound of laughter in the land. What profit- 
 eth it ye, if your countenance be such as to 
 cause a curdling in the blue abomination 
 which only the dealers do call milk? 
 
 23. Look not so that men seeing ye shall 
 say: Lo my heart goeth out in pity towards 
 him, for well do I know his affliction and the 
 keenness thereof, even a mother-in-law. 
 
 24. But be ye of a pleasant countenance; 
 looking ever upon the bright side even of the 
 things that are in this day, and in the time of 
 this great war. 
 
 25. For remember it is written: He that 
 hath nerve shall not have nerves. Care 
 killeth that which hath nine lives, even a cat; 
 but the pants of he that smileth much, shall 
 need to be let out at the waist. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 1. Upon a day there was a great meeting 
 in Hell. 
 
 2. And Satan did summon his trusty Loo- 
 Ten-Ants and did say: How now, go things 
 upon the main Planet in the first group, even 
 upon Erth ? 
 
 3. And the first Loo-Ten-Ant did say: 
 Of a truth am I just back from going up and 
 down, and to and fro therein; and verily 
 matters are dam quiet. 
 
 4. Thereupon Satan did say: Time was 
 when matters were otherwise; even in the 
 days of our beloved associate At-Tilla. 
 
 5. And the Loo-Ten-Ants with one voice 
 replied : Thou sayest it. Oh that there could 
 arise another like unto him. 
 
 6. So Satan did say : Hearken ye unto me. 
 I have it in my heart to raise up another such. 
 Nay one who shall be still greater. Him will 
 I nourish and fatten; and in due time will I 
 turn his hand against all mankind so that 
 
 9 
 
lo The Chronicle of 
 
 men shall say as of old there is still the Devil 
 to pay. 
 
 7. And the Loo-Ten- Ants did marvel 
 together saying : Can this thing come to pass ? 
 
 8. But while they spake, Satan did uncork 
 sundry vials. And he did take of the Essence 
 of the Ape three drops, and of the Essence of 
 the Ass four drops, and of the Essence of the 
 Pig a goodly number of drops which he did not 
 trouble to count, and he did put them into a 
 measure. 
 
 9. Then did he ask: See ye what herein 
 have we? 
 
 10. And the Loo-Ten-Ants did say: And 
 it please thee Majesty, it seemeth to us that 
 thou hast there the making of a Germ-Hun. 
 
 11. Thereupon did Satan add to the 
 measure of Essence of Serpent five drops, and 
 did again ask: What have we here? 
 
 12. And the Loo-Ten- Ants replied : Verily 
 thou boldest the formula for an exceeding 
 virulent type of Germ-Hun, even the Prush- 
 En. 
 
 13. And again Satan did take up the 
 measure and did add unto it six drops from a 
 vial marked Essence of Tiger, and ten drops 
 of a red liquid styled Spirit of Nero, and did 
 again ask, What have we herein? 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute ii 
 
 14. And the Loo-Ten-Ants with one ac- 
 cord did shake their heads in fear, so that 
 their horns did rattle and did reply: Verily 
 we give it up. But whatever it be of the 
 which thou holdest there the makings, we 
 counsel thee loosen it not in Hell ; for behold 
 if thou shouldest do so, the confines of this 
 place are too small to hold it ; and henceforth 
 thy name shall be no longer Chief, but Pren- 
 tiss. 
 
 15. And Satan handed the measure to the 
 first Loo-Ten-Ant and did say: Far be it 
 from me to loosen this thing upon ye here. 
 Get thee up. Take thou this measure to 
 Erth, even to Yur-Rup; and spill it in some 
 place, and where it falleth, lo it shall raise up 
 one whose deeds shall be such that men shall 
 never speak of that place but they shall say 
 Dam. 
 
 16. And the Loo-Ten-Ant did as he was 
 commanded, even to the going to Yur-Rup 
 and to the spilling of the liquid. 
 
 17. And the place at which he spilled that 
 liquid is known as Pots-Dam to this day. 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 1. Now it came to pass that in the great 
 house of the mighty Hun, even the Palace, 
 there was born a man child. 
 
 2. And when the news went forth in the 
 land, there was much rejoicing. And the 
 Queen his grandmother, even our own Vic- 
 to-Ria whose memory is blessed amongst men 
 did send messages asking: Is it a fine boy? 
 And they of the Palace did reply : Yea it is a 
 fine boy. 
 
 3. And his name was Will- Yum. 
 
 4. And he did live in the great house at 
 Pots-Dam and did wax fat and lusty, even as 
 it had been ordained ; so that it did seem as if 
 he was like unto the children of men. 
 
 5. But the elixir from the measure, even 
 the measure of Satan, did do its work; and 
 his left arm was withered. And where his 
 heart should have been there was a stone; 
 and where his conscience should have dwelled, 
 there was nothing at all. 
 
 12 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 13 
 
 6. And behold while he was but a child, 
 that did come to pass which did show what 
 manner of man he was to be. 
 
 7. For the word was sent forth that 
 the Ministers, and Princes, and Counsellors, 
 from all parts of the kingdom should get 
 them up upon a day and pay their respects 
 to this their future ruler; even to the child 
 Will-Yum. 
 
 8. And what time they looked upon the 
 child it came to pass that one of the Counsel- 
 lors did dangle before him a cunning machine 
 so devised that to look thereon was to know 
 the hour of the day and that without consult- 
 ing the sun; and which machine could also 
 speak two words, even Tick-Tack. 
 
 9. And behold no sooner did the child 
 Will-Yum see this marvellous machine, and 
 did hear its voice say Tick-Tack, than 
 straightway did he grab it, and would not 
 again deliver it up. 
 
 10. Seeing the which, his father and those 
 that were with him rejoiced exceedingly, and 
 made them merry saying: See now how 
 he already knoweth to take advantage of 
 Time; and also: Behold that which Will- 
 Yum wanteth, he taketh; and that without 
 any bones. 
 
14 The Chronicle of 
 
 11. But as for the Counsellor, though he 
 did compel his face to smile, his heart was 
 heavy within him; seeing that he had bor- 
 rowed the cunning machine for that day only, 
 and from one Ja-Kob whose sign ever hangs 
 over his tent even the three balls ; and to him 
 did he have to render up in lieu of the machine 
 many shekels. 
 
 12. Also was there an occasion whereupon 
 the boy Will-Yimi was very sick; so that his 
 mother was sore troubled: and she did sum- 
 mon from a far country a learned physician 
 and scholarly. 
 
 13. But the boy Will- Yum would have 
 none of him, and did call him evil names and 
 that to his face. Yet did the physician mix 
 him a certain potion and the distemper did 
 leave him. 
 
 14. And when that physician returned to 
 his own land they with whom he did foregather 
 to study the distempers to which the body is 
 subject, did question him concerning what 
 manner of sickness it was which had laid hold 
 of the boy Will-Yum. 
 
 15. To which the wise man replied: Lo 
 he hath three mighty swelHngs. He hath 
 a swelling of the throat even the Ton-Sils, 
 and that I can cure. He hath also a swelling 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 15 
 
 of the glands, but as ye know that is to me 
 but a little thing. 
 
 16. But he hath also, and this last is the 
 greatest, a mighty swelling of the head; and 
 that neither I nor any other man shall ever 
 cure. 
 
 17. And it was so. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 1. Now in the fulness of time the father 
 of Will- Yum did die ; and Will- Yum was made 
 King in the land. 
 
 2. And he called together his captains and 
 his governors and his armies and did make 
 unto them a great speech saying: 
 
 3. Behold now this day I even Will- Yum 
 am put over ye ; this day and for ever. Know 
 ye henceforth that there be but two Rulers 
 under heaven Me and God ; and as I am a man 
 of no peradventure, of the two of us, I counsel 
 ye to put your trust in me. 
 
 4. From this day also, there is but one 
 law; which is my law; even as I shall lay it 
 down to ye. There is but one Sun and I am 
 It. 
 
 5. From this day, those things are, which 
 I do say; and likewise a thing is not so, if I 
 do say it is not. Bow ye down therefore and 
 worship me as I do deserve. 
 
 6. Whereat some of the rulers who did 
 
 16 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 17 
 
 hear him, did afterwards gather together 
 in secret and did wonder at his words saying : 
 Verily is he a marvel ; and for humility, where 
 shall we find his like? Others did say He 
 hath a Devil even the Devil called of men 
 Swel-Ded. 
 
 7. But nevertheless the people, and the 
 rulers, and the captains, did obey his word 
 lest evil should befal them. 
 
 8. So that Will- Yum did put his yoke 
 upon them and did sit their shoulders to his 
 full bent; making it a law that all that was 
 done of the people should be by order; and 
 nothing should be done otherwise that was 
 done, and not one thing unless he should per- 
 mit it. 
 
 9. Inasmuch that if a certain man did 
 dwell upon the north side of the way, and did 
 desire to take him a tent on the south side 
 thereof, he could not move him, nor his goods, 
 nor his chattels, without first getting him up 
 to the authorities even the Per-Leece and 
 saying : Grant me I pray ye a licence to move 
 my tent to the other side even the south side 
 of the way. 
 
 10. Whereupon the chief man, and he who 
 had authority would say: Verily thou shalt 
 move thy tent even as thou desirest ; but only 
 
1 8 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 if thou hast wit enough to solve me this wise 
 saying; for knowest thou that all who do 
 dwell upon the south side are passing wise. 
 
 11. And the saying which thou must solve 
 is this: He only goeth across who cometh 
 across: and in the stating thereof, the head 
 man did wink the other eye. 
 
 12. And lo a paradox did arise; for those 
 only went across who were able to come across. 
 And some came across who were not after- 
 wards allowed to go across; the reason thereof 
 being that they did not come across with a 
 sufficiency which was sufficient. 
 
 13. For the head man of the Per-Leece 
 was mighty of stature ; and his palm was of an 
 exceeding bigness. Also the pocket of his 
 tunic was deep. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 1. Now when Will- Yum saw that the 
 people were willing to carry his yoke, his gall 
 increased mightily ; and no longer would last 
 year's hat go nigh his head. 
 
 2. And he did hold counsel with himself 
 in secret saying: Now behold do all men 
 regard me as a mighty man of valour; for I 
 am known to the uttermost corners of the 
 earth as the one and only Mailed Fist. 
 
 3. Yet methinks that some men in their 
 hearts do say: Lo he is but a Fist. A man 
 who prateth of shining armour. As to his 
 brain it is no more than the brain of him who 
 doth belabour the squad which is called Awk- 
 Wad even the Drill Sar-Gent. 
 
 4. And so thinking in his heart, Will- Yum 
 did make a covenant with himself saying: 
 Now will I give me to the great things of life; 
 even to Kul-Tur, and to the making of great 
 pictures, and of pleasing sounds, and of great 
 words which are as music to the ear of man. 
 
 19 
 
20 The Chronicle of 
 
 5. So he got him many colours and did 
 paint him a picture and did place it up where 
 it could be seen of men; and he called to- 
 gether those who were greatest in the land 
 at the bespattering of the canvas and the 
 mixing of the paints. 
 
 6. And he said unto them: Look ye: and 
 do your hearts good at the sight. Far be it 
 from me to give an opinion of that which 
 mine own hands have wrought; but as wise 
 men, valuing your lives and your positions 
 within these my realms, tell me truly and as 
 ye think, can ye do anything which shall have 
 the same merit ? 
 
 7. And he who was greatest in all the land 
 at the making of the picture did look upon the 
 work which Will- Yum had perpetrated and 
 did draw in his breath tight, and did say: 
 All Highest. I painted when I was young, 
 and now that I am old is my name known 
 throughout the land; and this I say of this 
 thy picture: Verily it taketh the breath. 
 Never before did I see anything like unto it. 
 Assurest thou me that thou didst this alone, 
 and that without help ? 
 
 8. And Will- Yum did smile a great smile, 
 and say : Thou hast said it. None other hand 
 but mine did touch the canvas. Now from 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 21 
 
 thy words do I know that thou art in truth 
 the greatest critic in all the land. Take 
 now this Order even the Order of the Lym- 
 Brush. 
 
 9. And he who' was the second greatest at 
 the art did come forward and did take but the 
 one look at the picture which Will- Yum had 
 set up, when the tears did start to run from 
 his eyes, and he did say: 
 
 10. Oh Emperor. This thing that thou 
 hast done doth overcome me wholly. Ask me 
 not to make a great saying of words; for in 
 the presence of this thy work, my feelings, 
 unable to get them out by any other way, do 
 gush out at mine eyes ; and only because they 
 do thus escape me, am I saved from a great 
 evil even the evil of sudden death. 
 
 11. This will I say however, that never 
 before have mine eyes looked upon a painting 
 which did create within me the same impres- 
 sion. 
 
 12. And seeing his tears, Will- Yum did 
 call for his nose cloth, and did sob with a great 
 sob; saying: What praise is like unto the 
 praise of the tear? By these same tears do I 
 know thee to be a great man of knowledge; 
 but praise me not too highly; for I do these 
 great things which ye do only after years of 
 
22 The Chronicle of 
 
 training, with an ease unspeakable; but only 
 by the help of God. 
 
 13. Yea, said the great man of Art, Now 
 doth thou speak that which is of the very 
 essence of truth; and will I say that the very 
 words which did arise to my lips when mine 
 eyes did first fall upon this thy work, were: 
 God help me. 
 
 14. And Will- Yum said unto him: Now 
 do I know thee also for a great man and 
 worthy. Take thou this Order even the 
 Order of the Chinese White. 
 
 15. And he who was the third greatest at 
 the Art did now draw nigh and did look upon 
 the picture. 
 
 16. Then did he open his lips saying: All 
 Hail Highest Emperor. Great indeed is this 
 thy work. Nay I know not which giveth to 
 me the greatest delight, Whether it be to 
 look upon the mighty rock which thou hast 
 depicted upon the left, or to feast mine eyes 
 upon the glorious ocean which thou hast 
 painted there upon the right. 
 
 17. But behold no sooner had he uttered 
 these words, than Will- Yum did wax exceed- 
 ing wrath; and did cry out with a loud voice 
 so that all who heard him did tremble: 
 
 18. Dolt and Dunderhead that thou art. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 23 
 
 Since how long hast thou been stricken with 
 bHndness ? That which thou callest a mighty 
 rock, as any man but thee can see, is myself 
 Will- Yum upon mine horse; and as for thy 
 prating about an ocean, art thou in thy dotage 
 that thou knowest not the difference between 
 an ocean, and a stretch of meadow such as I 
 have there painted ? 
 
 19. Get thee from my presence; and from 
 this day shalt thy name be no more known 
 amongst those who do use the brush. 
 
 20. And it was so. 
 
 21. Now it came to pass that the other 
 two great men who had been called to give 
 judgment upon the picture, did afterwards 
 foregather in a foreign city; and he who was 
 the greater did say unto the other: 
 
 22. Tell me I pray thee, what meant 
 thou when thou didst say that the abomina- 
 tion did create within thee The Impression? 
 
 23. And he replied: Lo, I did mean the 
 impression that it was intended for a picture. 
 But tell me what thou didst mean when thou 
 didst say that never before had thou seen 
 an3rthing like unto it ? 
 
 24. And he replied: Verily I meant that 
 which I did say: Never had I seen its like. 
 Also I pray heaven I may never again do so. 
 
24 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 25. And the two great men at the Art did 
 put them each his tongue into his cheek; 
 and they did drink their lager. 
 
 26. As for Will- Yum he did turn his hand 
 to other things; today making the Mu-Zik 
 and tomorrow the Po-e-Try and calling 
 upon the learned men to express wonderment 
 thereat; or otherwise to be grievously be- 
 swatted. 
 
 27. So that most men who were wise and 
 not only learned, did look at his works, and 
 to his face did express great wonderment. 
 After which they quickly got them out and 
 took the air. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 1. Now the father of Will- Yum had two 
 wise men to whose words he did ever pay heed. 
 
 2. One of these was By-His-Mark so 
 called because no treaty might be made with 
 any nation, nor no order of the King be given 
 out without his consent. 
 
 3. The other wise man was named Molk 
 and he was a great man of war, and cunning ; 
 for he had spent his days in the solving of the 
 mighty mystery how two warriors might be 
 so placed that they might work the destruc- 
 tion of four. 
 
 4. But when Will-Yum was come to the 
 throne, he did find these Counsellors irk- 
 some. 
 
 5. By-His-Mark had upon a day seen the 
 claws of a mighty Bear and did know that 
 they can scratch with a mighty and a fierce 
 scratchiness. 
 
 6. When therefore Will-Yum did write 
 upon his slate: The Bear hath no claws, 
 
 25 
 
26 The Chronicle of 
 
 By-His-Mark did rub out the word No and 
 thereat Will-Yiim was wrath. 
 
 7. And Molk did say : The most dangerous 
 part of the fire tube, even the Kan-Non is 
 the mouth thereof; but to this Will- Yum re- 
 plied : 
 
 8. Thou liest; for every man doth know 
 that the powder of the magician is put in at 
 the other end ; therefore is that end the most 
 dangerous. 
 
 9. So Will-Yum dismissed these wise men 
 saying: Out with ye and away. Verily were 
 ye useful to lighten the footpath of he who did 
 come before me; but when I the Sun am up, 
 there is no need for the candles to be kept 
 burning. 
 
 • 10. Now when these wise men were gone, 
 there arose a multitude of false prophets and 
 soothsayers who did speak and write only 
 that which they knew would sound sweet in 
 the ears of Will-Yum. 
 
 1 1 . And these men were of the generation 
 of Honken and Mum-Sen and Zy-Bell and of 
 one whose name no man can utter save only 
 when he shall have a cold in the head ; for his 
 name is like unto a sneeze; and behold he it 
 was who was the greatest of all sneezes. 
 
 12. And this was the burden of their 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 27 
 
 soothsayings ; even the words which Will- Yum 
 did drink in. 
 
 13. Behold now, said they, Art thou not 
 Will- Yum? And he said Yaw. 
 
 14. And is there any like unto thee for 
 wisdom and learning, and the Arts of Po-e- 
 Try and Painting, and for Kul-Tur? 
 
 15. And Will- Yum replied: Ye say there 
 is not, and verily will I deal hardly with any 
 who shall contradict ye. 
 
 16. And they did ask: Is it not true that 
 God did know well of thy greatness and did 
 because thereof give thee but the one arm, 
 knowing well that with the one arm couldst 
 thou do all that other men do with the 
 two? 
 
 17. And Will-Yum replied : Far be it from 
 me to boast ; for what I do, I do all by the 
 glory of God; but this much will I say that 
 God hath in me a wonderful shining adver- 
 tisement. 
 
 18. And again they said: Art thou not a 
 man of a hard composition, and one never 
 before heard of, even of blood and iron ? 
 
 19. And he said: I am; Also a mailed Fist 
 and, do not forget it, Shining armour. 
 
 20. Yea, they replied, and is not thy 
 breast filled with such things as Will-to- 
 
28 The Chronicle of 
 
 Power, and thy fingers with Itch-to-Grab, 
 and thy pockets with Wish-for-More ? 
 
 21. And once again Will- Yum said: Yaw. 
 Yaw. 
 
 22. Then, said they, Look thou abroad. 
 Behold the land of the Huns, which thou 
 rulest over, is but a little spot upon the earth. 
 Seest thou not Am-er-Eka, and Kan-a-Da 
 and Aus-Ter-Allia? Of a truth every year 
 what time we do get out for thee the big 
 figures, even the nimaber of men thou dost 
 have within thy realms, we do find that many 
 have gotten them to these places; and not 
 only so, but do they send epistles to those 
 who stay behind, saying: 
 
 23. Come ye over here; for here is much 
 gold. Much sausage also is here, and Lager, 
 and the Drill Sar-Gent, behold he is unknown 
 in the land. 
 
 24. And Will- Yum said: Is it so? And 
 Hum. Likewise Ho-Ho. 
 
 25. And they continued saying: Behold 
 also this Bri-Ton; how she vaunteth herself 
 saying: Lo the Sun doth never set upon our 
 lands; and of the whole Earth do we own a 
 fifth part. 
 
 26. Peradventure the men of these other 
 lands may even forget that thou Will-Yum 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 29 
 
 art high above them, aye even may they for- 
 get thy very name. 
 
 2*]. So that it may come to pass that one 
 shall say unto another: Rememberest thou 
 ever to have heard amongst the rulers of the 
 world of one Will- Yum? And he of whom 
 it is asked will reply: Yea have I. He was 
 called Will-Yum the Corn-Curer. 
 
 2%. Thereupon he who first spoke shall 
 say: I mean me not that Will-Yum for truly 
 he is well known; but of another Will-Yum 
 who ever boasted that he had a club foot; 
 or was it a Mailed Fist? 
 
 29. And he of whom it was asked, shall 
 shake his head, and thinking lightly of the 
 matter shall reply: Verily there aint no such 
 animal. 
 
 30. Now as Will-Yum did hearken unto 
 this, and did think that in any land his name 
 might be forgotten, and that his Mailed Fist 
 might even be made as unto a joke, he did 
 wax exceeding wrath and did say : 
 
 31. Away with ye, every man unto his 
 place and I will give thought to these things 
 and will consider me what shall be done. 
 Nevertheless the words did sink into him; 
 and after many days he did make a plan say- 
 ing within him : 
 
30 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 32. I am the light of the world. Evil be 
 to me if I do not lighten the dark nations. 
 Yea will I bring it to pass that my Kul-Tur 
 shall be taken to all comers of the earth : also 
 will I possess them. 
 
 33. Great is my Kul-Tur as all who have 
 Hunnish eyes can see; and peradventure if 
 there be any stiff-necked race which will not 
 see its greatness, them will I fall upon in my 
 mercy, and destroy them ere their blindness 
 do trouble them too sorely. 
 
 34. And as for those nations who shall be 
 lukewarm about this my Kul-Tur, as a man 
 who is smitten between the eyes even upon 
 the Bo-Ko doth see many stars, so those I 
 do hit with my mailed fist shall quickly see 
 daylight. 
 
 35. I Will-Yum do say it. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 1. Now when Will- Yum had given much 
 thought to these things, he did call unto him 
 again his rulers, and his counsellors, and his 
 captains, and did say unto them: 
 
 2. Great am I as ye know; and yet greater 
 than ye think ; but behold today am I greater 
 than I ever was before; for God has given 
 unto me a great work. 
 
 3. Since the world did begin lo it was his 
 will that Kul-Tur should reign in all parts of 
 the earth; but hitherto he has fallen short of 
 bringing about his desire. 
 
 4. But behold now I have arisen, even I 
 Will- Yum, and in partnership with God I will 
 see that this thing is properly carried through. 
 Prepare ye therefore, and in manner as I do 
 say. 
 
 5. Ye shall send out your professors to 
 Am-er-Eka, and to Kan-a-Da and to the land 
 of Aus-Ter-Allia, and to Bri-Ton and to all 
 the nations which shall be out of stock in 
 that line of goods. 
 
 31 
 
32 The Chronicle of 
 
 6. By day shall your professors do their 
 professing; but by night shall they spy out 
 the land. 
 
 7. Ye shall send out also bands even with 
 the Mu-Zik. By day shall they sound the 
 timbrel and play upon the instruments of 
 brass. Yea also shall they give instruction. 
 With their left hand shall they write the 
 signs of Mu-Zik; but with their right hand 
 shall they make plans of the strong places. 
 
 8. Ye shall send out also your young men, 
 they of the black coats and the shirt garment 
 which is as snow, and who carry ever upon 
 the arm the sign of their calHng, even the 
 Nap-Kin. 
 
 9. And these shall get them to the places 
 where the knowing ones, and they who are in 
 authority do eat. 
 
 10. What time they do let fall the dishes 
 and slop the soup, they shall open their ears; 
 and that which they hear, shall they note 
 down even upon the stiffness of linen called 
 Kuff ; and they shall bring it away. 
 
 11. And like the Israelites of old with the 
 Egyptians, they shall despoil the men of Am- 
 er-Eka and of Kan-a-Da and of Bri-Ton and 
 of all the nations to whom they are sent; for 
 while with the ear shall they rob them of their 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 33 
 
 secrets, with the hand shall they despoil them 
 of the shekel which is called Tip. 
 
 12. And let also your young women go 
 out unto the households and learn of that 
 which is done in the land, even the Se-Kret, 
 and write it unto us. 
 
 13. And to the men in high places ye shall 
 send the maidens whose cheeks are fair, and 
 who worship the essence Per-ox-Ide that they 
 shall be much desired of men, even as Samson 
 did desire Delilah; and they shall thereby 
 gather up the things we would know and shall 
 send them. 
 
 14. So that when the time is ripe shall we 
 know where to strike. 
 
 15. And to the makers of weapons of war- 
 fare did he say: Get ye busy. And to the 
 builders of vessels of war he said: Let not 
 your labour cease with the going down of 
 the Sun but work ye even in the two shifts. 
 
 16. But hear me in this, That in all these 
 things ye act with secrecy; and if any man 
 should ask ye how, and why, ye do work thus 
 hard, then shall ye say: These things do we 
 to preserve the quiet which we love: even 
 Peace. 
 
 17. And to the soldiers and the captains 
 of war, Will-Yum did say : Ye are the salt of 
 
34 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 the earth; and with ye will I salt the earth, 
 and that good and thorough when the time 
 cometh ; but it is not yet. 
 
 1 8. But behold a sign will I give unto ye 
 that ye may know my purpose, and it is in 
 these words which being interpreted do mean 
 World Power or Bust ; And ye must not Bust. 
 
 19. And what time ye do gather together 
 at meat, ye shall fill up the stein, and ye shall 
 drink saying : To the Day. 
 
 20. And behold all these things did come 
 to pass even as he had said ; and the hammer 
 was heard in the land throughout many 
 years. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 1. Now behold at last the time was ripe, 
 and Will-Yum and his hosts were ready to 
 fall upon the worid. 
 
 2. But lo men were living at peace, and 
 the flocks were in the field, and there was 
 quiet in the land of Yur-Rup. 
 
 3. And Will-Yum did look upon his hosts 
 and upon his ships and they were all ready for 
 the fight and everything was prepared but 
 there was none who did desire to fight. 
 
 4. And as a man who hath filled up the 
 pipe and findeth that he hath no match 
 wherewith to light it is fretted, or as he who 
 hath prepared the vessel and hath ready the 
 sweet flavouring, and the spoon, but then 
 doth discover that the bottle is empty is 
 thereby driven to eloquence, 
 
 5. So Will-Yum, looking upon his hosts 
 ready to give battle and seeing that none did 
 desire to have war, was peeved with an ex- 
 ceeding great peev. 
 
 35 
 
36 The Chronicle of 
 
 6. And he did turn upon his counsellors 
 and did say: What thing is this that I see? 
 I, even I, Will- Yum have provided the hosts. 
 Would ye that I provide the enemy upon 
 which to turn them loose also? Get ye busy. 
 Start something. 
 
 7. And they said unto him: Verily will we 
 do our best ; but there seemeth nothing on the 
 cards save only a small matter of disagree- 
 ment in a far country even in Bos-Nia where- 
 by a Prince hath come by his end. 
 
 8. And Will-Yum replied: What more 
 would ye? Are we not a peace-loving people 
 who do desire nothing but quietness, and 
 good- will, and Kul-Tur? Have we no bowels 
 of compassion that we shall stand by and see 
 a Prince done to death. Out upon ye. Get 
 busy. See to it. 
 
 9. And the counsellors and the rulers did 
 get busy, and did make up and dispatch to the 
 nations certain stinging epistles, and did hold 
 back others of a smoothing nature. 
 
 10. And behold there was red war. 
 
 11. Now when this thing was told unto 
 Will-Yum, he did feign to put on a counten- 
 ance of great sadness ; but in his heart was he 
 glad ; and did say : Verily this is The Day. 
 
 12. Then did he ask: What day of the 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 37 
 
 month is this? And they repHed: It is the 
 fourth. 
 
 13. And he said : Behold by such and such 
 a day will I and my captains eat in the tents 
 at Par-Ee; and by such and such a day I 
 will possess the treasures of the city of the 
 Burg even of St. Peter. After that will I 
 cross the sea to the land of Bri-Ton and will 
 rest my feet upon the mantelpiece which is 
 within the Palace called Buck, in the city of 
 Lon-Don; which city we will despoil. 
 
 14. And when all these things shall have 
 been brought to pass, I and my captains, and 
 my men at arms, will take ship and we will 
 cross the great sea and will subdue the land 
 of Am-er-Eka; and as for Kan-a-Da it is but 
 one bite. 
 
 15. But at this they said unto him : Tarry 
 a little while Oh Great One, and cast thine 
 eyes upon the writing, even the Map. For 
 here seest thou the borders of the land of the 
 Hun, and yonder behold the borders of the 
 land of the Franks ; 
 
 16. Yet between the land of the Hun and 
 the land of the Franks seest thou there lies 
 the land of the Bel-Gees, and of a truth thou 
 hast sworn to honour and to protect that land 
 and it is so written. 
 
38 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 17. And Will- Yum said: Tush Tush; and 
 also Piff-Bah; this is but small broth. See 
 ye All-Wig. 
 
 18. So they came to the Chance-Seller 
 even All-Wig and did put it to him. And he 
 did say: Away with this thing and let it not 
 irk ye. Are ye not men of honour in your 
 country, and see ye not that now are we in the 
 hands of a devil, even the devil called Ness- 
 ess-Ety? Would ye balk because of the 
 scratching of a stylus and a scrap of parch- 
 ment? 
 
 19. And so the armies were turned loose 
 upon the Bel-Gees who had done no wrong; 
 but because only that their land did provide 
 a short cut from the land of the Huns into the 
 land of the Franks. 
 
 20. And there was mourning and lamenta- 
 tion throughout the land because of the 
 things which were done. 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 1. And again it came to pass that there 
 was a great meeting in Hell. 
 
 2. And as upon a past day Satan did ask : 
 How goes it in the main planet of the first 
 group even upon Erth? 
 
 3. And Satan's first Loo-Ten-Ant did 
 reply: Of a truth am I just back from going 
 up and down, and to and fro, in the land, and 
 in Yur-Rup and in the land of the Bel-Gees. 
 
 4. At the which Satan did ask : Seest thou 
 there things happening after our own heart? 
 
 5. And the Loo-Ten- Ant did wiggle his 
 tail and cause the hoofs of his feet to crack, 
 and his horns did curl up with delight and he 
 said: 
 
 6. Verily I say unto thee, from the things 
 I there beheld did I learn many pointers ; and 
 I did see that in wickedness upon which I had 
 prided myself, I am but a babe and a suckling. 
 
 7. For behold compared with what hap- 
 peneth in the land of the Bel-Gees the doings 
 
 39 
 
40 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 of this place even Hell, are as the calm of a 
 meeting of mothers ; or as a gathering given 
 over to men's prayers. 
 
 8. And hearing this, Satan did smile and 
 say: Yea of a truth this Will- Yum at whose 
 hands these things are brought to pass, is 
 horn of my horn, and hoof of my hoof. 
 
 9. And behold, this saying did go forth 
 even as a thought ; and the wind did take it, 
 and it was carried unto Erth, and men did 
 gather it. 
 
 10. And having gathered it, they did say 
 Amen. 
 
 11. Then did they gird their loins and 
 prepare them, and did they take counsel how 
 best they might slay this raging beast, and all 
 his captains and his hosts. 
 
BOOK II 
 
 Concerning some of the things which did occur after the 
 Great War had started : and even while it did continue. 
 
 41 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 1 . Now behold no sooner was this war well 
 started, than it was seen of men that a great 
 change had come over the ways and methods 
 of warfare from what was the condition of old. 
 
 2. For aforetime it was the custom that 
 each warrior should go up against a warrior 
 of the enemy, and should say, each in divers 
 ways but to the same end: 
 
 3. How now thou son of a Curmudgeon, 
 Have I caught thee in the way? Lift up 
 thy shield, I counsel thee, and guard thyself 
 well; for I have a mind to cleave thy skull. 
 Also to perforate thy carcase, and to let the 
 light of heaven look in upon thy vitals; so 
 that ere the sun shall set, thou shalt assuredly 
 be a heap of carrion. 
 
 4. To the which, the warrior so addressed 
 would reply: Tell me I pray thee. Hath thy 
 mother knowledge that thou art absent from 
 the nursery? Verily thou doth remind me 
 sorely of those effigies which men are wont to 
 
 43 
 
44 The Chronicle of 
 
 set up what time the grain is planted, to 
 affright the birds of the air. Yet do I per- 
 ceive they have permitted thee to carry a 
 sword and also a buckler. Therefore will I 
 honour thee by permitting thee to die by the 
 hand of a warrior; even by my hand. 
 
 5. And spoke thou of carrion? Know 
 then, thou son of a Skipjack that I do purpose 
 to reduce thee to such shreds that the birds 
 of the air, even the vultures shall look in vain 
 for thee ; and shall cry one to another : Lo do 
 I smell something hereabouts, but verily the 
 fragments thereof are too small for sight. 
 
 6. And so saying, and with other similar 
 words of kindly encouragement the one to 
 the other, they did fall to; and the better man 
 did win. 
 
 7. But behold now in these days men did 
 dig them holes in the ground and did get 
 therein; And they did take a cunning case 
 even the shell, and did fill it with the metals 
 of the earth and put it into a tube; taking 
 care to place beneath it certain substances 
 which the magicians had prepared in secret. 
 
 8. And when the time was ripe, and he of 
 the long sight had looked abroad, there was 
 a great and mighty noise, and the shell and 
 all that was within did fly off into the air. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 45 
 
 9. And it did fly many leagues to where 
 was the enemy; making sundry spiteful 
 remarks what time it did fly. And when it 
 did alight amongst him there followed its 
 chief remark. 
 
 10. After which they gathered up of the 
 enemy more than seven basketsfull. 
 
 11. And behold the enemy did this thing 
 likewise; so that of these shells were many 
 used, and more were called for. And the 
 men of the land of Bri-Ton and the men of 
 the Franks could not make them as fast as 
 they were hurled across. 
 
 12. So they did send messengers to the 
 men of Am-er-Eka and of Kan-a-Da and of 
 Aus-Ter-Allia saying: Make ye for us these 
 shells, and that with all speed ; and verily will 
 we pay ye that which ye shall ask for them. 
 
 13. And because there were not enough of 
 the young men to do this thing then did the 
 maidens put upon them certain male gar- 
 ments even the Trow-Sers and did get them 
 to the great Temples wherein these things 
 were devised, and they did labour: 
 
 14. Thereby they gained so many shekels 
 that their hearts were filled with rejoicing; 
 and they said unto their sisters: 
 
 15. Of a truth do ye labour from the ris- 
 
46 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 ing of the Sun until darkness doth fall upon 
 the earth, and do make the beds, and blow off 
 some of the dust, and break the dishes, and 
 wash the faces, even the sticky faces of the 
 young ones, but what doth it avail ye? 
 
 1 6. Lo at the change of the moon ye have 
 gained for yourselves no more shekels than 
 we do hold after only seven days. Come ye 
 with us. 
 
 17. And many did so, Yea in such num- 
 bers went they up, that the women of the big 
 houses did complain saying: Time was when 
 there was mistress and there was maid; but 
 behold now the former is become as the latter 
 and there is none to be got who will help. 
 
 18. But the maidens hearkened not unto 
 their cry, but did continue in the way even 
 to the making of many shekels. 
 
 19. So that the bazaars of Ee-Ton and 
 Sim-Son in Kan-a-Da, and of May-See and 
 Wanna and Feeld in Am-er-Eka were filled 
 with a mighty crowd ; and that daily. 
 
 20. And the fine raiment which was be- 
 holden upon the highway and in the places 
 where men do congregate, was such that men 
 did marvel greatly. Of the which more shall 
 I write anon. 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 1. And when the young men and the 
 maidens saw that by the making of the shell 
 they could get much gold, they did look them 
 abroad to see what manner of thing they 
 could take unto themselves; for to hold the 
 shekels in the pocket did cause them much 
 unrest. 
 
 2. And some did buy them the harp 
 which singeth when struck upon the teeth, 
 even the Pee-Anner ; and others did buy them 
 ornaments of gold and of silver, and others 
 did take unto themselves the carriage which 
 goeth without steed. 
 
 3. And in front of this carriage what time 
 it goeth, is nothing; but behind it is a sound 
 of Puff -Puff, and a cloud, and a mighty 
 stink. 
 
 4. But behold most of them did take unto 
 their tents those boxes, the mystery of which 
 is beyond words. 
 
 5. For lo are they filled with canned 
 
 47 
 
48 The Chronicle of 
 
 echoes; and it is said that such is the greatness 
 of their magic, that even by the turning of 
 the handle can one obtain whatever echo 
 shall be desired. 
 
 6. The voices thereof are varied even as 
 the sounds of the waves of the sea. 
 
 7. And to hear upon a day one of these 
 magic boxes is good. To hear two, is not 
 beyond the endurance of mankind; but 
 verily if three shall be heard at the one time, 
 it giveth rise to much eloquence. 
 
 8. Now since many did take unto their 
 tents these boxes, it did become a sore trial 
 to the spirits of those who had no such pos- 
 session, but whose tents did happen to be 
 pitched between the tents of those who were 
 so blessed. 
 
 9. So it is told of a certain man that upon 
 a day he did get him to his couch to take his 
 rest. For it was the Sabbath and he had 
 laboured hard for six days. 
 
 10. And behold he was about to enter 
 into the delights of slumber, even the Nap, 
 when lo in the tent nigh unto him, they did 
 take off the lid from one of those boxes ; and 
 the canned echo which did dwell therein, did 
 get him out and did spread himself over 
 the whole neighbourhood, crying out loudly 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 49 
 
 of one who did wear a sweet tulip, and an- 
 other who did besport a red, red rose. 
 
 11. And the man who was weary saw not 
 the delight of the sweet tulip; nay nor yet 
 of the red, red rose; but he did turn him on 
 his side and did say Dam. 
 
 12. And when in due time this echo had 
 lost itself, and there reigned again a quietness, 
 he did once more turn himself and compose 
 himself for sleep. 
 
 13. But behold, in the tent across the way, 
 they did uncork another echo; and it did 
 spread itself abroad boasting of the delights 
 of Roamin at the end of day and that in the 
 Gloamin. 
 
 14. At the which he upon the couch did 
 again turn himself and did utter the unlawful 
 word. 
 
 15. And this echo also did fail at last, and 
 it was no more. 
 
 16. At the which he upon the couch re- 
 joiced much, and did say: Of a truth my sleep 
 will be the sweeter in that I have been put off 
 from it these two times. And he turned him, 
 and did close down the Hds, and did take the 
 deep breath. 
 
 17. But behold, he had but done so the 
 few occasions than in a third tent nigh at 
 
50 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 hand, they did open another magic box, and 
 the voice did walk out therefrom and stmt 
 around. And he was of a great raucousness 
 and his great and only desire, as he did ex- 
 press it, was that they should Put him 
 amongst the Girls. 
 
 1 8. And the man upon the couch did 
 straightway get him up ; and his countenance 
 was dark ; and as to his words there is no type 
 which can express them, and he did bang 
 upon the teeth of the harp with all his might ; 
 even on the Pee-Anner. 
 
 19. And it is said that in those days 
 many such things did come to pass so that 
 those whose tents were nigh unto each other 
 and who had aforetime lived in harmony the 
 one with the other, did begin to look coldly 
 what time they did pass in the way. 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 1. Now while the war was being waged in 
 Yur-Rup the fleet of Bri-Ton and of the 
 Franks did sail the seas eager to do battle. 
 
 2. But as a cur which knoweth that it is 
 due for a beating, doth betake itself to the 
 darkest corner of its kennel, and will not come 
 out even though he who holdeth the whip 
 shall say: Guddog, 
 
 3. So the men who did manage the ships 
 of Will- Yum did hide themselves behind a 
 mighty fortress and did slip out only when 
 there were none around to see them. 
 
 4. What time they did shoot down a few 
 tents, and tabernacles, on the coast of the 
 land of Bri-Ton and did thereby kill many 
 young children; after which they flew them 
 back to their hiding place and from the dark- 
 ness thereof did crow lustily of their amazing 
 bravery. 
 
 5. And behold since they were afraid to 
 venture out upon the seas they did make 
 
 51 
 
52 The Chronicle of 
 
 unto them mighty monsters which did swim 
 beneath the waters; even Hke Behemoth, 
 save only that they were the more mighty. 
 
 6. And they had each of them an eye in 
 the middle of his back and it could be put 
 forth above the waters to spy around, and 
 could it also be drawn in, if so be that there 
 were any in sight capable of giving battle. 
 
 7. But lo if there came along a ship which 
 was not built for war, but for peace, and the 
 carrying of merchandise, then did the hearts 
 of these Huns wax valiant; and would they 
 cause Behemoth to sneak up with a great 
 sneakiness. 
 
 8. And the monster would vomit a cun- 
 ning pill which would strike the ship, and 
 that ship would be no more. 
 
 9. Now the rules of true warfare did state 
 that no ship should thus be given the pill, 
 save only after it had been duly apprised of 
 the medicine which was being prepared; and 
 the men thereon should be saved. 
 
 10. But the men of Will-Yum said: What 
 care we for any such rule; and if so be that 
 there shall be women and children on the 
 ship, let them see to it. 
 
 1 1 . Yet there did come a day when upon 
 a ship which was given the pill after this 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 53 
 
 fashion even without warning, was a man of 
 the land of Am-er-Eka and he did perish. 
 
 12. Thereupon in the land from which he 
 came some did lament saying: How cometh 
 this thing? Are we, even the men of Am-er- 
 Eka, to be pilled in this fashion by the Hun, 
 and that without warning? Cannot our 
 Ruler see to this thing? 
 
 13. And lo it was mentioned to the ruler 
 of the land one Wil-Sohn and he did say: 
 Leave it to me. 
 
 14. And he got him a scroll of the one 
 face, known in the land as the Pose-Kaad 
 and did write: Dear Will- Yum. I beseech 
 thee pill not our ships without warning. 
 Greetings and long Hfe. 
 
 15. But many did say: Let us work and 
 not talk, for this fight it is not ours. Likewise 
 are we not making out of it many shekels ? 
 
 16. And when the epistle was brought 
 unto Will-Yum he did frown upon it saying: 
 Who is this Wil-Sohn that he doth dare to 
 write unto me? 
 
 17. Now the course of the war was by 
 this time running not so smoothly for the 
 Huns as had been thought aforetime. For 
 the day was long past when by the written 
 order, even the Sked-Yewl, should they have 
 
54 The Chronicle of 
 
 been despoiling the great city of the Franks; 
 yet were they far from it. 
 
 1 8. So the Counsellors did say unto Will- 
 Yum: Well do we know this Wil-Sohn; a 
 wordy man, and given to applying the birch 
 to those upon whom the beard hath not yet 
 sprouted. Aforetime was he a keeper of a 
 school ; but as a Man of war, he is even as the 
 joke. 
 
 19. Nevertheless we beseech thee that 
 thou reply him soothingly. Anger him not 
 at this stage; but later then shalt thou deal 
 with him as thou shalt desire. 
 
 20. For behold, even at this hour have we 
 one of our trusted sons abiding in his tent 
 even Burn-Stuff; and he will order things 
 well for us if so be that thou shalt say nothing 
 of a directness which shall preclude this thing. 
 
 21. So Will-Yum did write unto Wil- 
 Sohn then and in this fashion. That they 
 who were in charge of the sea monster did 
 cause it to vomit the deadly pill at a ship. 
 But the ship was not that on which was the 
 man of Am-er-Eka but another vessel; yet 
 because this other vessel was not to be seen, 
 but was below the sky line called Hor-I-Zon, 
 the pill did decide to make for the nearer 
 vessel; and it did grieve the heart of Will- 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 55 
 
 Yum sorely; for as all men did know he was 
 a man of infinite goodness, and even as the 
 very milk of kindness. 
 
 22 . Thus did Will- Yum write to Wil-Sohn ; 
 but to the man who had done this deed did 
 he send a cross of iron and did say: Pill him 
 again. 
 
 23. And upon another day, the sons of the 
 Hun did shoot their pill at another vessel 
 on which were the men of Am-er-Eka even 
 the Fa-la-Baa and they perished. 
 
 24. Thereat the people again did murmur ; 
 and their ruler Wil-Sohn did send another 
 note; only on this time did he use a longer 
 scroll, and his words, they were of more than 
 one syllable. 
 
 25. And lo, Will-Yum did tell his Counsel- 
 lors that he had gotten another epistle and 
 did ask: What this time shall I say to this 
 Wil-Sohn? 
 
 26. And the Counsellors replied: Far be 
 it from us to assume wisdom over thee, but 
 thou might say that thy commander of the 
 Behemoth had come unto that state which 
 the men of Am-er-Eka do call the home of 
 the insect even Bug-House and did cause the 
 pill to be launched to commit him suicide. 
 
 27. But behold the pill did bounce off the 
 
56 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 rib of Behemoth and did strike the vessel on 
 which were the men of Am-er-Eka. Also 
 say that we can produce the rib. And leave 
 it to Burn-Stuff. 
 
 28. And Will- Yum did even as he was 
 bespoken; but as for the men of Am-er-Eka 
 when they did get this epistle they did pull 
 their belts one notch the tighter ; and did they 
 spit out much juice; even the brown juice 
 which is Nik-ot-Ene. 
 
 29. But those whose names were of the 
 Hy-Fen who were sojourning in the land of 
 Am-er-Eka but whose hearts were in the 
 land of the Hun, these men did put them each 
 his tongue into his cheek, and did foregather 
 in the secret places, and did say words con- 
 cerning the greatness of Will-Yum. 
 
 30. Likewise they did say of Wil-Sohn 
 that which they would not have had pro- 
 claimed from the housetops. 
 
 31. And as the Huns did give the pill to 
 the Fa-la-Baa so also did they unto the Gush- 
 ing; and having thus gotten them the habit, 
 they did likewise pill the Gulf- Lite and many 
 other vessels; so that the men of Am-er-Eka 
 were smitten hip and thigh, and were drowned 
 in the great waters. 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 1. Now there dwelled in the land of 
 Arc-er-Eka a certain Ford who was a mighty 
 mechanic. 
 
 2. The same it was who had called into 
 being one of those cunning chariots which do 
 run without any steed; before which goeth 
 nothing at all, but behind which is a cloud, 
 and a noise of Puff-Puff, and a mighty 
 stink. 
 
 3. And the chariot which was made by 
 this Ford, was it small of its kind, and as 
 compared with the other chariots of like 
 nature ; but yet could it breathe out as loudly 
 as any of them; and could be heard from as 
 far off. 
 
 4. Also was it second unto none at the 
 creating of the stink; without which no 
 chariot is to be considered; and did it con- 
 sume less of the white wine which is as water ; 
 save only as to its cost, and was it lighter 
 upon the hoofs, which were of Rub-Ber. 
 
 57 
 
58 The Chronicle of 
 
 5. So that men looked with favour upon 
 this chariot and did buy them many thereof. 
 Whereupon the other makers of chariots did 
 wax wrath and did deride it saying : 
 
 6. Lo it is useful of men, but that only 
 to be put into the tool box of these our make 
 of chariot. Or again: It lacketh but the 
 one thing; for were it but one span the 
 shorter then could men put it into the bath 
 of the young child to wash. 
 
 7. Some also there were, who did liken 
 it unto the can wherein men do put the little 
 fish even the sardine. Others did call it an 
 Elizabeth of Tin. 
 
 8. Notwithstanding all of which, by its 
 works was it mostly judged of men; and 
 verily it did get there. 
 
 9. Now the creator of this chariot, even 
 this Ford, did look upon the war with a sad 
 countenance; for roads which are being used 
 for battle are not convenient at the same 
 time for the car of pleasure. Also while men 
 do fight, they cannot buy them the steedless 
 chariot. 
 
 10. So he did give much thought to the 
 matter and did say: Behold these nations 
 are so busy at the fight, and are killing 
 themselves with so great a thoroughness, 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 59 
 
 that they have no time to give thought to 
 the ending of the fray. 
 
 11. Therefore will I get me together a 
 great company of those who prefer to ride 
 in the chariot and be at peace, rather than 
 to die them the valiant death of the warrior; 
 and we will get us over to where the fight 
 doth wage. 
 
 12. And will we call upon the men, even 
 the men of both sides saying: Come ye out 
 of these great holes wherein ye are hiding 
 one from another. Stop ye this hurtful swat- 
 ting of each other, and instead, mend ye 
 these roads which ye have so disturbed for a 
 long season, and ride ye at peace in the 
 chariots which do run without steeds. 
 
 13. So behold he did engage him a great 
 vessel, and did send out messages unto the 
 great ones saying: Come ye with me, and 
 we will end this strife; and that before the 
 Feast of Christmas which is now approaching. 
 
 14. Now many of the great ones did 
 think otherwise ; some being of the mind that 
 it would not be good that the strife should 
 end, until Will-Ytim and the whole tribe of 
 the Hun should be smitten ; for were they as 
 an evil sore in the side of the other nations. 
 
 15. So it came to pass that when they were 
 
6o The Chronicle of 
 
 invited they did send excuses saying some of 
 them: Lo do we think that thou art a wise 
 mechanic and a kindly; and great is thy 
 chariot. Gladly would we go with thee upon 
 this journey, but behold the Feast of Thanks- 
 giving is at hand, and we have killed the 
 fatted turkey, and have invited our friends, 
 and we cannot go. 
 
 1 6. And when the day for the sailing 
 did draw on, and the vessel did put forth, 
 behold the party of Peace was not nearly so 
 great as the contents of the vessel could have 
 made possible. 
 
 17. And when the ship did come to the 
 sea, the winds did blow upon it, and it did 
 rock, and that sorely. 
 
 18. So that when they who were upon the 
 ship did get together to form a plan whereby 
 peace should the more quickly be brought 
 about, he who was appointed to the head 
 of the table did say: I do move. And so 
 saying he did move; and that with haste 
 even to the side of the vessel; and there did 
 he sit for long and did contemplate the ocean. 
 And because that his feelings were powerful 
 did he groan in spirit. Also was he white 
 about the gills. 
 
 19. So another did take his place at the 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 6i 
 
 head of the table and did say: Lo I feel 
 within me that Peace is desirable, but before 
 this thing can come to pass, it seemeth me 
 that many things must be brought to light. 
 
 20. And he did get no further with his 
 admonition, but like unto him who was 
 before him, did he get him to the side of the 
 ship; and speedily, even as he had said it, 
 were many things brought to light. 
 
 21. Now there was of the party a certain 
 woman whose name did liken her unto the 
 Rose. And like the rose she did have many 
 thorns. 
 
 22. To those who said Yea when she said 
 Yea, was she ever as the flower; But those 
 who said Nay when she said Yea, verily they 
 did feel the thorns. 
 
 23. And there arose dissension in the 
 party even the party of Peace and the heart 
 of the leader thereof was sad within him. 
 
 24. And when the vessel did come to the 
 other side, Lo things were not as he could 
 have desired; and the great ones did look 
 coldly upon him and upon his party. 
 
 25. So that they would go unto the tent 
 of one great one, and he would receive them 
 with kindness and would say: Of a truth do 
 we know of this Ford, and also have we 
 
62 The Chronicle of 
 
 knowledge of the chariot which he doth 
 make; but is he not a man of the machine? 
 What knoweth he of the matters of the 
 Nations? 
 
 26. At the which some of they who were 
 of the party did say: Told we not it would 
 be so? Thus should ye have done, even as 
 we said. 
 
 2"j. And to another great one would they 
 go, and he also would receive them with 
 kindness, even the glad hand. And he would 
 talk of the wonders of the land of Am-er-Eka, 
 and of the chariot of the man Ford, and of 
 the rain, and of the winds of heaven. Also 
 of the galloping of the Gee-Gee what time 
 he doth run for sport. 
 
 28. Of one thing only would he not talk; 
 and lo that thing was Peace. Nay at the 
 very mention thereof did he become as the 
 oyster. 
 
 29. And the women of the Peace Party 
 did contend for this thing, and some did 
 strive for another thing, and still a third 
 band did demand something different to 
 either of the others. 
 
 30. And the squirrels which they had 
 taken with them did chatter. 
 
 31. And behold the chattering of the 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 63 
 
 squirrels did prove as effective in bringing 
 about the peace, as the chattering of the 
 mortals. 
 
 32. For verily it was a fizzle. 
 
 33. Yet did men say of this Ford: He 
 hath done his best; And it was so: yet 
 afterwards did this same Ford do still better. 
 
 34. For when, in the fulness of time, the 
 men of Am-er-Eka did come into the fray, 
 as shall be told in this Chronicle, he did help 
 to make the weapons of warfare which alone 
 could let understanding into the skull of 
 the Hun. 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 1. Now about this time the men of 
 Am-er-Eka did consider whether or no they 
 should change their ruler; for it was the 
 custom with them that one man should not 
 rule over them for ever, but that a change 
 was as good almost as a rest. 
 
 2. And there were some who did ask: 
 Of what good is this Wil-Sohn? Do not 
 the Huns and their rulers snap their fingers 
 at him, and as for his epistles they are a vain 
 thing. 
 
 3. Can we not have Ted-Dee to rule over 
 us, for lo he is a man after our own hearts; 
 and were he to rule over us at this time, then 
 would the hide of Will- Yum be speedily at 
 the tannery. 
 
 4. For behold this Ted-Dee was a mighty 
 man of action; beneath whose sandals little 
 grass did ever grow. Neither cared he for 
 man, nor yet for beast. He it was who did 
 ride the steed what time it did buck; and 
 
 64 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 65 
 
 who did get him to the far country to slay 
 the Hon, and the tiger, and the Ele-Fant. 
 
 5. Of the Rhino -Serous also was he not 
 afraid nor of anything that was Rhino, even 
 though the hide of the beast should be of a 
 great toughness and hard to penetrate. 
 
 6. The same was he who when they did 
 point out unto him that to go up against the 
 Rhino-Serous was a thing full of danger, and 
 not to be attempted save by him whose 
 papers of the In-Shore-Ans were in order, 
 and that because of the exceeding great 
 thickness of the hide of the beast, did say : 
 
 7. Lo I do care for it not at all. His 
 thickness of skin is to me a Httle thing; for 
 have I not from my youth upwards had to deal 
 with the PoH-Tish-Un even the Ward Boss? 
 
 8. And others were there who did say: 
 Behold there is one Hews, a good man and 
 valiant, and almost as good at the Note as 
 Wil-Sohn. 
 
 9. Still others did say: Let him alone. 
 This Wil-Sohn, we tell ye, cannot be bet- 
 tered. For behold who is there in the land 
 who can use as many words of a surprising 
 bigness aye and can speak them too ? More- 
 over hath he not kept us safely out of this 
 bloody battle? Also are we not waxing fat 
 
66 The Chronicle of 
 
 out of those things which they who do fight, 
 do buy from us, and pay for, and straight- 
 way do go out and send up in smoke, and 
 call for more? 
 
 10. Therefore let us smack our lips, and 
 give unto this Wil-sohn our mark; or per- 
 adventure two marks if so it can be arranged, 
 and so shall he be ruler over us again and 
 until the end of this war. Then, if ye like 
 it, can ye make a change. 
 
 11. So the day did come upon which all 
 men were to make their mark as to which 
 ruler they would have; and the ruler for 
 whom most marks were made, he it was who 
 was given to live at the House which is 
 washed White. 
 
 12. And when the marks were counted 
 it was said by some, that Hews was to be 
 the ruler; but men did find more bundles of 
 marks, and it did take them many days to 
 count them. 
 
 13. Then was it found that Wil-Sohn 
 was again the chosen of the people; and he 
 did put on the vest which is of stars, and the 
 pants which are of stripes, yea many stripes 
 for the men of Am-er-Eka do speak their 
 minds boldly, and anon do wipe off their 
 ruler and that with the bullet. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 67 
 
 14. And when Wil-Sohn was again ap- 
 pointed of the people, many came to fall 
 down before him; and amongst them also 
 came one Burn-Stnff of the camp of the Huns 
 saying: Wise art thou above all the men of 
 Am-er-Eka and at the Note there is none 
 like unto thee. 
 
 15. But in secret did he write an epistle 
 unto his master Will-Yum and did send it, 
 saying therein: 
 
 16. Verily these men of Am-er-Eka are 
 like unto the ass. At the mouth do they 
 bray; but at the brain is there degeneration 
 by fatness; and as for our Kul-Tur it is not 
 there. 
 
 17. Much did I fear that they would 
 appoint unto themselves this Hews; and my 
 soul did sink within me, when I did hear the 
 name of Ted-Dee ; but now rejoice ye greatly 
 for Wil-Sohn is elected, and will ye be troubled 
 with naught save only Notes. 
 
 18. The ass may bray, but I say unto ye 
 that ye may twist his tail even as it doth 
 seem needful ; and that without fear. 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 1. Now when Will- Yum and the captains 
 of the Huns did see that Wil-Sohn was again 
 appointed and did get the epistle of Burn- 
 Stuff, they rejoiced exceedingly and did 
 make a great feast, and did laugh with un- 
 seemly laughter and did mock saying: 
 
 2. Yah shall we now have many Notes, 
 and of a great bigness. 
 
 3. And Will- Yum said unto Hin-Dee: I 
 see that thou lookest pale about the gills 
 at this the tidings, but be not cast down; for 
 the notes do come first unto me. Take some 
 lager. 
 
 4. And Hin-Dee did say unto Tur-pen- 
 Tines: Of a truth will this Wil-Sohn make 
 short work of thy Behemoth if so be that he 
 can drop upon it but one of his notes. Never- 
 theless be of good cheer. Have some Liver- 
 Vort. 
 
 5. And Tur-pen-Tines did say unto Zepp- 
 Ellen : Tell me the answer to this riddle ; In 
 
 68 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 69 
 
 what like do the epistles of this Wil-Sohn 
 resemble the engines of warfare that thou 
 hast fathered ? 
 
 6. And Zepp-Ellen replied: Because are 
 they above the heads of men. 
 
 7. Nay, replied Tur-pen-Tines, Not so; 
 because are they full of gas. Have some 
 Sauer-Kraut. 
 
 8. Then together did they say: Now, as 
 in the past, only more so, will we do as we 
 please on the seas, and under the seas; for 
 the men of Am-er-Eka are a craven and a 
 gold-loving people only ; and will not come in 
 upon this fight whatsoever we may do. Yea 
 are they as the ass; and will we twist his 
 tail at our pleasure. 
 
 9. And behold this they said because 
 their eyes were darkened and because they 
 knew not Wil-Sohn that he was a man not 
 afraid to act, but only afraid that he should 
 act at the time which was not ripe. 
 
 10. Now at this time there was a great 
 vessel even the Lucy-Ten; and was it known 
 unto all men who did go down to the sea in 
 ships as being a fine vessel and speedy withal ; 
 no matter which way the wind it did blow. 
 
 11. And as this vessel was making it 
 ready to sail from the Port of Neark in the 
 
70 The Chronicle of 
 
 land of Am-er-Eka the man of Will- Yum 
 did secretly send word unto his master the 
 news thereof. 
 
 12. Also did he cause to appear a great 
 writing that all who adventured forth upon 
 the vessel, even the Lucy-Ten should do so 
 at their peril. 
 
 13. And the Behemoth of the Hun did 
 lie in wait for that vessel, and did vomit 
 upon it the deadly pill; and it did sink; so 
 that they who perished were many, of men, 
 and of women, and of little children. 
 
 14. At this happening, behold the men of 
 Am-er-Eka were sore vexed: yea was their 
 wrath at the white heat ; and the brown juice 
 which they did spit out it was as an ocean. 
 
 15. And they cried out unto their ruler, 
 and he did get him into a quiet place for two 
 days and two nights; and did he search the 
 scrolls diligently, for the mightiest words 
 that had ever been written of men. And he 
 did collect them and build them up, cement- 
 ing them together with great pains and 
 amazing labour, for his soul was sore within 
 him. 
 
 16. And when he had finished his epistle, 
 he did come out of his secret place, and the 
 Note it was sent unto Will-Yum and did 
 
. Kan-Uk the Kute 71 
 
 say that he should bring forth signs of re- 
 pentance, and that as a token of his sorrow 
 should he send much gold. Also a covenant 
 that the like event should not again happen. 
 
 17. But when Will- Yum did see the 
 epistle, he did mock thereat sa3dng: What 
 next will this man write unto us? Did not 
 my servant Burn-Stuff cause a writing to be 
 issued that all who did go upon this vessel 
 should do so only at their peril? If therefore 
 they who did go upon that vessel in the 
 teeth of that warning did come to an end 
 by the swallowing of too much water, why 
 should we put on the sackcloth and cover 
 ourselves with ashes. 
 
 18. Also as for the paying of much gold, 
 we will have none of it. Had it not been for 
 the men of Bri-Ton who will have nothing 
 of our Kul-Tur, this thing need not have 
 come to pass. At that door therefore let 
 the Note be laid. 
 
 19. As it is. So is it. Now let us pass to 
 the next business. 
 
 20. And when Wil-Sohn got this epistle 
 from Will-Yum he did vow that he would 
 cease the writing of the Note, aye even that 
 he would send that which would have the 
 more weight. 
 
^2 The Chronicle of 
 
 21. So he called together his Counsellors, 
 and did put before them his intent that the 
 thing which had been done was full of evil- 
 ness; and that no longer should the Men of 
 Am-er-Eka be set at naught by this Will- 
 Yum. 
 
 22. And with one accord did the coun- 
 sellors agree with him that it should be so. 
 
 23. So Wil-Sohn did arise in his might, 
 and did send the Counsellor of Will- Yum, 
 he that was called Burn-Stuff, packing; he 
 and his wife, and his servants, and his supply 
 of sausages and sauer -kraut, and the gar- 
 ments which do go next to the skin what 
 time the air it doth chill. 
 
 24. But only the rubber which the ser- 
 vants of Burn-Stuff had intended to take, 
 was that detained. At the which Burn- 
 Stuff would have gnashed his teeth, save only 
 that they were of the finest enamel and for 
 them had he given many shekels. 
 
 25. And Wil-Sohn did prove that he was 
 a man of valour, and not afraid of Will- Yum 
 and all his hosts; only did he act surely and 
 with deliberation, and not in foolish haste 
 after the manner of Huns and things. 
 
 26. And he did send a writing unto 
 Will- Yum saying: Long have we borne with 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 73 
 
 thy evil doings, and many are the times we 
 have called upon thee to repent; but ever 
 didst thou harden thine heart. Now look 
 thee to it; for we will fall upon thee, and will 
 smite thee hip and thigh. 
 
 27. And to the men of Am-er-Eka Wil- 
 Sohn did say: Are ye not with me in this 
 thing that I do? 
 
 28. And they who had little gold, but 
 many sons did say: To the last son. 
 
 29. And they who were lusty of limb, 
 ready to go to the fight, did say: To the last 
 breath of our nostrils. 
 
 30. And they who were rich did say: 
 To the last dam cent. 
 
 31. And as for the others, they said them 
 not a word; yet did they tighten their belts 
 and did eject the brown fluid in immense 
 quantity. 
 
 32. And verily it was stronger than 
 words. 
 
 33. Thus did it come to pass that the 
 men of Am-er-Eka did come into this war. 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 1. Now about this time there was in 
 the Land of Kan-a-Da a certain Board. 
 
 2. And this meaneth not a piece of a tree 
 but a body of men and were they given to the 
 overlooking of those who did turn out the 
 munitions of war even the shells, that they 
 should not make unto themselves too many 
 shekels. 
 
 3. And behold, he who was at the head 
 of this Board, was a mighty man of business; 
 and was it said of him that he did under- 
 stand with a great thoroughness how to pile 
 up the shekels one upon the other. 
 
 4. And this is a secret which all men do 
 covet. 
 
 5. And the ruler of the land of Bri-Ton 
 did give unto him a writing of a kind that 
 those who did possess the same should never 
 again be called by men Bill, nor yet Tom, 
 nor even Har-Ree as is the manner of men 
 one unto the other; but should he ever be 
 called Sir. 
 
 74 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 75 
 
 6. At the which, many in the land did 
 murmur saying: What want we in Kan-a-Da 
 with these writings which do estabHsh differ- 
 ences between men. For are not all men 
 born equal ? 
 
 7. But they who kept the great houses of 
 refreshment, and the resorts for the hot 
 season, and the bazaars, murmured not; but 
 did say: It is good. For behold what time 
 one of these who are thus styled shall ask 
 for accommodation, or shall buy from us 
 merchandise, then because he is not Tom, 
 nor Har-Ree, nor Bill, but is Sir, will we 
 charge him twice the price. 
 
 8. And he will pay it, and that without 
 complaint; for it is upon the cards that no 
 man can be styled Sir for nothing. 
 
 9. Now it came to pass, that certain men 
 did present themselves before this great 
 one, even before he of the Board, and did 
 say: Knowest thou, that certain of those 
 men who do bring forth the shell are making 
 thereby too many shekels, and that by reason 
 of charging a price higher than the where- 
 withal is worth? 
 
 10. And he did reply: If so it be, then 
 it is an evil thing; and those profits, even 
 those of the excess, should surely be con- 
 
76 The Chronicle of 
 
 signed to the nethermost regions; even to 
 HeU. 
 
 11. Now when some did hear of these 
 words they did whisper saying: Is not he 
 who did say this, one of a certain band which 
 have engaged in trade, and do sell unto us that 
 without which the table in the morning is 
 wanting, even the Ba-Kon? 
 
 12. And which band also hath built 
 great barns, and storehouses, and caverns 
 in which is a great coldness, so that the food 
 of man shall not perish, but shall remain 
 safe and sweet until the day of scarcity and 
 big prices ? 
 
 13. Also have they not taken unto them- 
 selves a motto, which being interpreted doth 
 mean: Pigs is Pigs? 
 
 14. And how comes it we ask that where- 
 as of old we did pay for the Ba-Kon but so 
 many shekels, now are we asked to part with 
 double the number? 
 
 15. And behold these murmurings did 
 spread, and in the fulness of time did come 
 to the ears of the rulers so that no man could 
 hush them up. 
 
 16. Thereupon the rulers did appoint 
 certain men to form them into what was 
 known in the land as a Commission. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 77 
 
 17. Now a Commissioner is like unto a 
 Judge ; yet is there a difference, in that a Com- 
 missioner need not be ashamed to admit that 
 he doth know of what goeth on in the world 
 outside the Temple of the Law ; but he that is 
 a Judge shall admit of no such knowledge ; 
 
 18. So that if one of those who do appear 
 before him should say: It is even so and so, 
 according to Har-Ree Law-Der; or again: 
 Shak-his-Speare doth say this or that, 
 
 19. Then lo he that is called Commis- 
 sioner might smile; but he that is a Judge, 
 shall put upon his countenance the look 
 called Blank and shall ask: Where is this 
 place Har-Ree Law-Der? Or; In what Law 
 report is the case of this Shak-his-Speare to 
 which thou doth refer? 
 
 20. Now when this Commission had com- 
 mished, even upon the doings of the Com- 
 pany whose motto was Pigs is Pigs, behold 
 it was revealed that the company had made 
 many shekels by the cunning treatment of 
 the flesh of the hog. 
 
 21. For whereas of old men did put salt 
 upon the flesh dry, of late did this company 
 follow the ways of the foreigner even the 
 Dane and did put the flesh into great pits 
 in which was much water; even the Pik-El. 
 
78 The Chronicle of 
 
 22. And the flesh did drink up this Pik-El 
 so that what was put in two pounds, did come 
 out more. 
 
 23. And seeing this, the leaders of that 
 company did say unto those who did labour 
 for them: Verily is the pig a thirsty beast; 
 and he doth love to drink not only in his life, 
 but also after he is dead. Yea his flesh 
 drinketh up much Pik-El. 
 
 24. But see ye to it. Be ye not muserly 
 in this matter. Give him enough! And 
 behold ye shall not only Pik-El his flesh the 
 once, which doth bring our two pounds out as 
 more, but shall ye soak him again; giving him 
 even the thing called Post-Kure. 
 
 25. And this shall mean many shekels 
 in our pockets. 
 
 26. And having commanded those who 
 did labour for them thus to soak the flesh, 
 these men of business did say amongst 
 themselves and in secret: Now have we 
 soaked the Ba-Kon, behold let us soak also 
 they who do eat it; and henceforth the price 
 it shall be so and so. 
 
 2"], And it was done even in this manner; 
 so that the Commissioners did find that these 
 men had made them great and marvellous 
 profits. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 79 
 
 28. Thereupon one of the Commissioners 
 did ask the leader: Tell me, is it not true as 
 men do report that thou didst upon occasion 
 say that when profits were made of the nature 
 called excess, they should be consigned to 
 the nethermost regions, even to Hell? 
 
 29. And he replied: I said it. 
 
 30. Then asked another: How about these 
 great profits which ye have made out of the 
 flesh of the Pig even the Ba-Kon? 
 
 31. But the man of business did point 
 out, and that quite clearly, that his saying 
 did not apply to the profits which the men 
 of his band did make, but only to the profits 
 of the other fellow. 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 1. Now at this time, there sojourned in 
 the land of Kan-a-Da and in the land of 
 Am-er-Eka many sons of the land of Bri-Ton ; 
 and they, hearing that this war with Will- 
 Yum and his hosts was not likely to be over 
 in a season, and that every sword did make 
 one more, did say: Verily will we get us up, 
 and we will go upon the big vessel, and come 
 unto the place where this fight it doth wax 
 hot. 
 
 2. And this they said of themselves; and 
 without any compulsion having been put 
 upon them to go; for were they brave men, 
 and their hearts were of size nine. 
 
 3. But others there were who did go 
 thinking lightly of the matter, and saying: 
 Gee this knocking on the head will be at an 
 end before we do get there, yet shall we see 
 the land of the Franks and shall disport 
 ourselves in the city of Par-Ee wherein we 
 have heard are damsels passing fair. 
 
 80 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 8i 
 
 4. And again others there were who had 
 within their tents a prickly thing which 
 irked them sore; even a mother in law; so 
 that there was no peace for them within 
 their own borders. 
 
 5. And some of these did say: Verily this 
 Will- Yum and his hosts do make things hum, 
 yet have they nothing on this my mother in 
 law affliction. For behold my lot. 
 
 6. If so be that I am not astir before a set 
 hour, then do I get a sore head; and if I come 
 not in at nightfall before the moon is above 
 the earth's rim, then is that condition brought 
 to pass which is known amongst the heathen 
 as Hell-to-Pay. 
 
 7. And while they were in the mood, 
 did they get them up and go straightway 
 and take upon them the mantle of the warrior, 
 and did depart from the land; passing as it 
 were from war unto peace; whereas for most 
 men was it otherwise. 
 
 8. And lo it is written of one of these 
 men, that no sooner had he arrived in the 
 land where the Hun did fight, than the sting 
 which was in his tent was removed and that 
 by death. 
 
 9. And one who was a friend did send a 
 message to him in the far country, even a 
 
 6 
 
82 The Chronicle of 
 
 message by the wire which talketh; so that 
 it would get to him with all speed. 
 
 10. And the message did ask concerning 
 what manner of method should be observed 
 in the laying away of the mother in law, 
 whether she should be buried after the 
 manner of so many, or embalmed after the 
 manner of the Egyptians, or whether her 
 body should be burned after the method of 
 the tribes of the East. 
 
 11. And with all speed that man did 
 reply saying: Take thou no chances. Of 
 these methods try all three. 
 
 12. Now when all those had been carried 
 to the war who did go of their own will, or 
 for reasons already given, there remained 
 still a sore need for many more. 
 
 13. So the rulers of Kan-a-Da and of 
 Am-er-Eka did issue a great writing to the 
 effect that all the young men who were lusty, 
 and the strong, and all they who were well 
 nourished, should report them and should 
 go to help subdue the mighty Hun. 
 
 14. But nevertheless was it decreed that 
 if any should show good cause why he should 
 not be dispatched, his words should be 
 hearkened unto and judgment given ac- 
 cordingly. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 83 
 
 15. And some did come and say: Fain 
 would I go and fight against the Hun, only 
 that I am the sole support of myself and 
 fourteen others. 
 
 16. And into these cases the Tribunal 
 did look; and if such were not the case they 
 did say: Thou must get thee up and go and 
 fight. 
 
 17. And if such were the case they did 
 say also : Behold now it is better that thou 
 should go so that the fourteen may make 
 some shift for themselves and also may use 
 up the shekels which are called Pat-Riotik. 
 
 18. And another did say: Behold am I 
 eager to go to the fight, yet say ye not that 
 he who produceth the succulent onion and 
 who maketh two blades of corn to grow 
 where before there was but cinders is more 
 needed in this land than at the fight? That 
 is the kind of man I am, even a Producer. 
 
 19. And the Tribunal did send messengers 
 to inquire into it, and behold they did find 
 that the young man did cultivate but a little 
 plot yea even the Bak-Yard so they said imto 
 him : Thou must get thee off to the fight. 
 
 20. And still another class of man did 
 come along, the spokesman for which did 
 say : We would go and fight, and that quite 
 
84 The Chronicle of 
 
 gladly, but that are we all sorely troubled 
 with a growth within us, even a Conscience. 
 And this doth ever tell us that it is not right 
 to smite our brother even though he be a 
 Hun. 
 
 21. And the headman of the Tribunal did 
 say: Tell us this. If it should come to pass 
 that one of these sons of iniquity, even the 
 Hun, should smite ye upon the right cheek 
 what would ye do? 
 
 22. And the spokesman did reply: We 
 would do even as is commanded; we would 
 turn to him the left cheek also. 
 
 23. Thereupon the headman did reply: 
 Be it as ye say then, Nevertheless shall ye be 
 sent to the war, and when the Hun shall 
 smite your right cheek, then will ye see that 
 this growth within ye, even this Conscience, 
 will be mightily subdued. 
 
 24. And when he shall smite your left 
 cheek, then will ye see that it will be cured 
 altogether; and ye shall swat him back again 
 and that even more mightily than they who 
 had no such growth in the first place. 
 
 25. And verily so it did prove. 
 
 26. And there came up another who did 
 say: Behold now, and ye will admit that of 
 a truth I can not be sent unto this war, for 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 85 
 
 without me would many be robbed of their 
 delight. To they who travel by the great 
 Caravan, am I necessary. By they who in sea- 
 son do travel upon the ships across the little 
 waters am I beloved; and they who call 
 in their friends to rejoice, do also need me 
 sorely. Therefore I say unto ye, I cannot be 
 spared from the country. 
 
 2^]. But the men of the Tribunal did ask: 
 Who is this man, and what manner of life 
 doth he lead that he is thus not to be spared 
 from the land ? 
 
 28. And the messengers did go forth and 
 did enquire and did come them back with 
 their report saying : 
 
 29. Verily is it as he doth say. Of a 
 truth could he not be spared from the land, 
 for behold he is the man who roasteth the 
 Pea-Nut. 
 
 30. So this man he is with us to this day. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 1. About this time it did come to pass 
 that the women who were leaders in the land 
 did say : Verily will we set up unto ourselves 
 a new god, of whom have we long heard, 
 but whom have we ever held at arms' length ; 
 yea even the god called E-Kon-Omy. 
 
 2. And according to the command of this 
 new god, what time we do get us to the 
 bazaar to buy us the headgear we do love, 
 then will we have none of the glorious ones 
 which are covered with the feathers of the 
 strange bird, and with the costly plush, 
 such as our hearts have rejoiced in of yore, 
 but will we take only the little ones which 
 rnay be had for the few shekels and thereby 
 much will be saved, and the words of our 
 mankind what time the thing called Bill 
 is presented will they be of fewer syllables. 
 
 3. So it came to pass that in the bazaars 
 of Ee-Ton in Kan-a-Da and of Wanna and 
 Feeld and Koo-Pah in the land of Am-er-Eka 
 
 86 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 87 
 
 there were sold only the little headgears; and 
 the costly, and the rich ones, were they left 
 behind and they did become no longer to be 
 seen in the market place. 
 
 4. And the women did again lift up their 
 voices and did say: Behold while great is 
 this god E-Kon-Omy let our hearts also 
 forget not that other god, even he who is 
 called Kom-pen-Sa-Shon, and as we do cut 
 down our glory at the one end of us, let us 
 see to it that we do increase it at the other 
 end; in the coverings of the leg and the 
 sandals. 
 
 5. For behold men do love to look upon 
 us what time we do put on our finery ; though 
 of a truth they look not the other way if we 
 do take some of it off. 
 
 6. So did they get for themselves costly 
 sandals, of the skin of the kid; which did 
 come high above the foot parts, and the 
 price thereof was up to twenty shekels. 
 
 7. And lo many did get them these costly 
 sandals, notwithstanding that they held 
 not the price thereof; but did they say unto 
 those in the bazaar: 
 
 8. Grant ye we pray that we may be 
 permitted to take these glorious sandals at 
 the sight whereof are our hearts ravished, 
 
88 The Chronicle of 
 
 and that for joy. And today will we pay 
 for them the one third of their value. And 
 in a little while will we pay another third, 
 and again to the full value. 
 
 9. And it was so permitted; so that what 
 time the last payment was made for those 
 sandals, the wearer thereof was ready for 
 another pair. 
 
 10. And certain damsels did buy also 
 the coverings for the leg in gay colours, 
 and in silk, for the which some do say that 
 they paid ten pieces of silver. 
 
 11. But behold having gotten them these 
 they did then say: Of what availeth these 
 costly sandals and these gorgeous coverings 
 for the legs if so be, that our other garment 
 even the skirt, doth hide their glories from 
 the sight ? 
 
 12. So behold it shall go forth as an order 
 amongst us, that the skirt it shall henceforth 
 be shortened. And as to the matter of this 
 proportion, what time we shall wear the fine 
 sandals, but shall not wear the gay Stok- 
 Ings then shall the skirt be shortened even 
 to the top of the sandals. 
 
 13. B ut what time we are the more blessed, 
 and do possess not only the fine sandals but 
 also the Stok-Ings of great ravishment, then 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 89 
 
 shall we further shorten the garment called 
 skirt. 
 
 14. And let it be to this extent, aye even 
 this shall be the rule. That if we do give 
 for the Stok-Ings ten shekels, then shall we 
 so shorten the skirt, that the length of Stok- 
 Ings to be seen of men shall be equal to nine 
 shekels and three quarters. 
 
 15. And it was so. And the young men 
 did not murmur. 
 
CHAPTER XIX 
 
 1. Now it came to pass that the war did 
 continue many days; and the food of the 
 people in Kan-a-Da and in Am-er-Eka did 
 become used up ; so that there was a shortage 
 of the sweetening stuff and of other good 
 things. 
 
 2. And the rulers did appoint a man so 
 that he should sit him in a goodly tent and 
 should see to it that the people who did go 
 short, should be about evenly distributed. 
 
 3. Also did he send out an edict that all 
 who did eat in public places should not be 
 served with the flesh of the ox nor of the pig 
 upon certain days. 
 
 4. And of the men who did eat in public 
 places there were more than a score. 
 
 5. But as to those who did eat not in 
 public, but in the privacy of their own tent, 
 these men might eat of the flesh of the ox, or 
 the flesh of the pig, yea or of both, whenever 
 they did so will. 
 
 90 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 91 
 
 6. And of these men there were more 
 than a thousand. 
 
 7. So behold the saving of the life amongst 
 the oxen, and amongst the swine, was not so 
 great that these creatures did pass one of 
 those things called Votathanks. 
 
 8. And in those days also, certain men 
 did crush out the ears of corn, and did put 
 the flakes into coloured contrivances with 
 boastful writings on the outside thereof in 
 many colours, telling how that there was 
 nothing in the whole world which did taste 
 so delicious. 
 
 9. And it did become a custom amongst 
 the people that no morning did dawn but 
 what they did eat of these flakes and did 
 they get the habit. 
 
 10. Now behold when the time of shortage 
 was come upon the land, some foolish wor- 
 shippers of the god E-Kon-Omy did cast 
 their eyes upon these coverings which did 
 enclose the flakes and did say: 
 
 11. Inasmuch as the inscribing of these 
 boastful words doth cost money, and inas- 
 much also as we cannot eat them, thus are 
 we paying for something the value of which 
 we do not get; and it is not good that this 
 thing should be. 
 
92 The Chronicle of 
 
 12. And their murmurings did reach the 
 ears of they who were about the tent of the 
 great one who was appointed to see to these 
 things; so that they did cause to be issued 
 a writing that after a certain day, no more 
 should those flakes be put into the cases on 
 which were the boastful writings. 
 
 13. And lo, the makers of the flakes they 
 did get them up in wrath; and did say to 
 him who was appointed: Art thou not 
 appointed by the rulers to prevent, and not 
 to cause, that which is an evil thing in this 
 the time of scarcity, even the thing called 
 waste ? 
 
 14. Behold now if we do sell the flakes 
 without the thing called wrapping, then by 
 reason of their exceeding thinness, will they 
 all crumble to a nothingness; and the grum- 
 bling thereat will be as a strong wind and that 
 not from heaven. 
 
 15. Others there were who did mock 
 saying: Verily will he next ordain that the 
 milk it shall not be sold unto us save on the 
 fork; and eggs save by the barrel. 
 
 16. And he who had control of these 
 matters did say: Methinks there is some- 
 thing in what ye do say; but the order was 
 not one of mine own, but was it issued by 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 93 
 
 some of my young men who are eager for the 
 saving. 
 
 17. And as it looketh like unto the mis- 
 take, so shall it be remedied and the edict 
 shall be withdrawn. 
 
 18. But see ye here, and hearken ye well 
 unto my words; Inasmuch as the mistake is 
 ours, then shall ye pay for its rightening; for 
 those amongst ye who in the year do so 
 much business so much shall ye pay. Others 
 of ye whose affairs amount to so-and-so shall 
 pay also accordingly. Otherwise, things 
 shall be as they were aforetimes. 
 
 19. Now let us see to other matters; 
 observing at all times, that in nought we 
 do shall we interfere with that great law 
 which is of the Medes and the Persians, and 
 is called Supply and Dem-And. 
 
 20. And it was so; for behold the doings 
 of a Govern-Ment are more wonderful than 
 the doings of a man with a maid ; which even 
 the fool doth know to be utterly beyond 
 comprehension. 
 
CHAPTER XX 
 
 1. Now in those days men did eat of a 
 luscious root of the ground; and they did 
 call it Pot-ah-Toe. 
 
 2. Therein was much nourishment and 
 it was greatly desired what time the fatted 
 calf was despatched. Also did it go well with 
 the thing called Sos-Age. 
 
 3. But because of the scarcity in the land 
 was the supply thereof not great; and what 
 supply there was, the same was held back 
 for profit by the tillers of the soil.' 
 
 4. The same are they whose cries of dis- 
 tress do ever rise unto heaven. For if the 
 season shall be lean, then do they say: See 
 ye us, miserable of all men. Here have we 
 toiled for a season, and behold at the end 
 thereof, beyond paying off the thing called 
 Mor-Gage and also putting aside one, or 
 peradventure it may be two thousand pieces 
 of silver, have we nothing. 
 
 5. And if the season shall be a surprising 
 
 94 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 95 
 
 fat one, .still doth their cry ascend saying: 
 Truly the season hath been an exceeding 
 fine one, and wonderful have been the crops; 
 but see ye How it hath taken it out of the 
 ground. 
 
 6. And because of the leanness of the 
 season, and the holding back of those stocks 
 which were gathered in, behold the Pot-ah- 
 Toe did become costly; so that he who should 
 have six of them at the one time, did consider 
 whether he would exchange them for one of 
 those chariots which do run without steed 
 or would retain them, and be envied of his 
 fellows. 
 
 7. And because also of this scarcity did 
 men turn their hands to the tilling of the soil ; 
 yea even those who had aforetime known 
 none of it. 
 
 8. For he who, behind his tent did have a 
 green spot on the which in times past he 
 had been wont to bounce the ball, and to 
 smite it what time it did answer back, 
 
 9. Lo he did now plough up that green 
 spot, and plant it; and the sound of the 
 bouncing ball it was heard no more in the 
 land, but instead were there groanings and 
 strong words what time the weeds did raise 
 their heads. 
 
96 The Chronicle of 
 
 10. And behold this thing did bring 
 about a mighty change in the manner and 
 in the conversings of men. 
 
 11. So that he who was called Bro-Ker, 
 and did spend his days in contemplation of 
 certain figures which did appear upon a tape, 
 so that he might the better consider whether 
 he should lose the money of him called Kli- 
 Ent now, or whether he should do so on 
 another day, 
 
 12. This man did no longer say unto his 
 friend, what time they journeyed together 
 to the market place: How now: Shall I 
 not persuade thee to take unto thyself and 
 that for thy great good, sundry of those 
 writings called See-Pee-Are or even a goodly 
 parcel of Bethlehem. 
 
 13. But he did now say instead: I 
 beseech thee come over this night and cast 
 thine eyes upon mine onions; and verily 
 shalt thou weep with delight. 
 
 14. And when the night had come, and 
 he who was importuned had looked upon the 
 succulent onion and remarked that it was 
 good, he did lift up his voice, and say unto 
 his friend : 
 
 15. Great indeed are thy onions; but my 
 delight is more in the beet. Also do I look 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute 97 
 
 with favour upon the cabbage what time 
 it is green. 
 
 16. But his friend did reply: I too did 
 once think me the same; but I counsel thee 
 put not thy trust in the thing called cabbage ; 
 for at night when it is dark, and there be 
 none nigh to see, there cometh out an evil 
 creature even the Hook Worm, and behold 
 half thy cabbages shall be wiped away. 
 
 17. And then in the morning, when it is 
 yet barely day, and when the Hook Worm 
 hath had his fill, he doth vanish and that 
 without giving thanks ; and after him cometh 
 the slug. 
 
 18. And the slug doth work his will, and 
 he too getteth him discreetly away. 
 
 19. Then behold later, when the sun is 
 well up, cometh thou along. And thou 
 shalt look in vain for thy cabbages; for the 
 place thereof shall know them no more. 
 
 20. And this thing is not good for man- 
 kind ; for behold the words it doth cause him 
 to drop are too hot for the young shoots. 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 1. And behold these are but some of the 
 things which did come to pass in the land 
 of Kan-a-Da and of Am-er-Eka what time 
 the nations did war together. 
 
 2. But to record all that which did occur, 
 would be a weariness to the flesh and it would 
 fill many scrolls. 
 
 3. Yet would I not fail to make mention 
 of the practice which did arise amongst the 
 women of making of much gear for the feet 
 of they who did fight. 
 
 4. And what time this fever did come 
 upon the women, then would they forsake 
 their parents, and their companions, and 
 their households, and their utensils of the 
 Kit-Chen; yea would they forsake also their 
 husbands, and the child; even the young 
 child with the sticky chin, and the one tooth, 
 and the bottle; and would they cleave unto 
 the Nit-Ting Bee. 
 
 5. And the footgear which they did 
 
 98 
 
Chronicle of Kan-Uk the ^Kute 99 
 
 make, it was of value as half a shekel; but 
 the bag in which it was to be carried to and 
 fro what time it was being spun, that bag 
 did cost ten shekels. 
 
 6. And as for the mighty bundles of this 
 footgear which were made, lo some of them 
 did reach as far as the place of battle; but 
 others of them did vanish; and whereunto 
 they went, is to this day as a mystery. 
 
 7. Also would I make mention of the law 
 which was made, whereby men could no 
 longer foregather in the wine tents; and the 
 wine it was put away. 
 
 8. And many did say: It is of a truth a 
 good thing that wine should be put away, 
 and verily in my time, have I ever tried to 
 put away my share and that with a good will ; 
 but now, Woe is me; for I can do so no more, 
 save only when I do have an indisposition 
 and then it is but a little drop. 
 
 9. Yea even a minute portion, and what 
 is it: for as the poet hath long written: 
 One swallow cannot quench a mighty thirst. 
 
 10. Therefore many did have more fre- 
 quent indisposition than had been their.wont 
 in times past; and were the doctors looked 
 upon with favour. 
 
 11. Also would I make mention of how 
 
loo The Chronicle of 
 
 the cost of all things did go up amazingly; 
 and the war it was blamed for strange 
 things. 
 
 12. So that those who did supply the 
 people with milk, they did say: Behold 
 now, as the cows do look abroad what time 
 they do chew the cud in the meadow, and 
 do see such violent ploughing up and tilling 
 of the soil as now is, their souls are sore 
 within them as to what shall befall the 
 grass; and this worrying doth cause them 
 to yield less of the sweet juice. 
 
 13. Therefore the price of it, it is Up. 
 
 14. And they who did sell fuel for the 
 flames did say : This season hath Nature be- 
 stowed the ice upon us with such a bountiful 
 hand, and in such great quantity, th^t there 
 is a mighty coldness ; and of the fuel is so much 
 needed that the price of it, it also is Up. 
 
 15. But behold also a mystery: for when 
 the time did come that men did need to buy 
 them the ice which Nature had so plentifully 
 yielded, Lo the price of that was Up also. 
 
 16. And because of the lack of cloth 
 wherewith to make garments it was ordered 
 that the pockets on the garments of men 
 which were of the kind called Patch, should 
 no longer be permitted. 
 
Kan-Uk the Kute loi 
 
 17. Yet as to the Patch on the posterior 
 parts, it was held lawful. 
 
 18. Also at this time was the demon 
 called Pro-Hibi-Shon turned loose in the 
 land to the right hand and to the left; and 
 did he put his mark upon this, and upon 
 that. 
 
 19. Yet strange were the results thereof. 
 For as to coal which was not marked Pro- 
 Hibit, nobody had it. Yet of Whis-Kee 
 which was Taboo everybody had some. 
 
 20. These, and many other strange and 
 wonderful things, did come to pass in the 
 lands. 
 
 21. But behold now the sun it is in the 
 west, and to this inscribing must there be 
 put an end; for I Kan-Uk am weary, and 
 would have sleep. 
 
 22. Also, at the rising of the sun, shall 
 I strike my tent ; and the caravan with which 
 I do travel, doth move to a far country. 
 
 23. Perad venture, I may there see things 
 even more wonderful than those I have herein 
 recorded. 
 
 24. And if so be, verily shall ye hear of 
 them. 
 
 25. But if ye hear not again from me, 
 keep ye this my Chronicle; and think ever 
 
102 Chronicle of Kan-Uk the Kute 
 
 of me with a light heaxt, and a smiling 
 countenance; even as I do, my brothers, of 
 ye. . 
 
 (the end) 
 
>A Selection from the 
 Catalogue of 
 
 G. P PUTNAM'S SONS 
 
 Complete Catalogues seta 
 on. applloation 
 
"A War Lord of Laughter."— T/ie 
 Literary Digest, 
 
 Fragments from 
 France 
 
 Author of 
 
 3uUe1? 4r Met§ ■ 
 
 5°. 143 Plates. 1$ Small Illustrations 
 $1.75 net. By mail, $i.go 
 
 Captain Bruce Bairnsfather's sketches set all England 
 chuckling, when they first appeared in the Bystander, and 
 they have met with as hearty a welcome by Americans 
 who have had the luck to see them. Greatest of all com- 
 mendation, German prisoners have been known to be- 
 come hilarious over these indescribable pictures of life in 
 the trenches, and war-fed "Tommys" roar over them. 
 Now, with their amusing captions, they have been 
 gathered into one volume. 
 
 These pictures have won in England for the author tbe 
 title " The man who made the Empire laugh," and caused 
 tht Literary Digest to refer to him as " A War Lord of 
 Laughter." They are all war pictures, but calculated to 
 take a deal of the bitterness out of war. 
 
Bullets & Billets 
 
 TBy 
 Bruce Baimsfather 
 
 Author of TragmenU from France" 
 
 IT, 16 FulUpagc and 23 Text Illustrations, S150 
 By mail, $160 
 
 ••'Bill/ 'Bert,' and 'Alf have turned 
 up again. Captain Bairnsfather has 
 written a book — a rollicking and yet 
 serious book — about himself and them, 
 describing the joys and sorrows of his 
 first six months in the trenches. His 
 writing is like his drawing. It suggests 
 a masculine, reckless, devil-may-care 
 character and a workmanlike soldier. 
 Throughout the book he is as cheerful 
 as a schoolboy in a disagreeable football 
 match." — London Evening News, 
 
 G. P. Putnam's Sons 
 
 New York London 
 
Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
 Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
 Treatment Date: ^^^ ^001 
 
 PreservatlonTechnologies 
 
 A WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVATION 
 
 111 Thomson Park Drive