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MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, LEBANON, OHIO 
 PS 635 
 
 «5794 Pete Sells His Eggs 
 
 Copy 1 *-^«-^ 
 
 By Kate Alice White 
 
 Copyright, 1922, by ilareh Brothers 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 Sambo — Cook at the La Salle Hotel. 
 Pete — Who has eggs to sell. 
 
 (Sambo stands at the table vigorously stirring something in a mixing pan. 
 He works energetically for a minute then stops and looks at the mixture that 
 he is stirring.) 
 
 Sambo : I wondah if it am done stiff enough? (Stirs a few times.) ♦ I beliebe it 
 am all right. I'll done get it in de oben foah Pete gets heah wid dem eggs 
 dat I done ohdehed. (He stirs the mixture again.) I'll get it in de pan meg- 
 iately. {He pours the mixture in a pan as Pete enters.) How am you, Pete? 
 
 Pete {watching Sambo as he works) : I'se done fine dis mohnin, 'cept foh 
 uia misehy in my back. {Limps totvard the table with his hand on his hack.) 
 It done huht me a heap, but I 'spect it am de Lohd a punishin' me foh all my 
 sins. But I'se done brought dem eggs dat you all done wanted. 
 
 Sambo : An' is you suah dey am fresh? 
 
 Pete: I'm certain suah they wuz done laid dis mohnin'. Pete nebber sells 
 no eggs 'cept when dey is fresh. Why, I'se got thutty hens an' dey all lays 
 ebbery day 'cept Sunday. Some ob dem hens am so good dat dey 'fuse to 
 wuk on Sunday. 
 
 Sambo {looking into the basket) : How many you dun brung, Pete? 
 
 Pete {setting down basket) : 1 nebber tooked time to count 'em all, foh I done 
 know you am in a huhhhy, so I brung 'em right ober. An' I'll count 'em 
 where you can see me an' you'll, done know dat I ain't a cheatin no one, 
 not eben de La Salle. {Sambo gets out a large dish and hands it to Pete who 
 puts it on the table. Pete then starts taking the eggs from the basket and 
 pids them in the dish as he counts.) One, two, tree — How long hab you been 
 cookin' heah at the La Salle, Sambo? 
 
 Sambo : Six years comin' next May. 
 
Pete Sells His Eggs 
 
 Pete (in a surprised tone): You doan say you done been dom''ae cookin' 
 fob six yeahs. Six yeahs am a long time. {Picks up an egg and starts count- 
 ing as he takes each egg up.) Six, sebben, eight, nine — What be you a makin', 
 Sambo ? 
 
 Sambo {picking up the pan that he has poured the mixture in and starting 
 for the door with it) : It am angel food. 
 
 Pete {in a surprised tone) : Angel food? Doan dat done take a heap ob eggs? 
 
 Sambo : It suah do. Will you blebe me, it done take lebben eggs foh dis heah 
 angel food. {Holds up pan.) 
 
 Pete: Lebben eggs be a heap ob eggs foh one cake. I doan done guess I'd 
 use no lebben eggs foh one cake. {Samho goes out hut returns immediately 
 without the pan. While he is gone Pete takes the dish and puts it nearer to 
 him. As he does so he straightens up and puts his hand on his hack as though 
 it pained him to move.) Dat back done be powful bad. {As Sambo enters 
 he picks up the eggs from the basket and starts counting.) Lebben, twelbe, 
 thuteen, fohteen — {Straightens up and grabs his back as though the pain was 
 almost unbearable.) De misery in my back done be somefin awful. I done guess 
 I'll hab to go to one ob dem doctah men. 
 
 Sambo : If you done think dat angel food cake am good you done oughta see dat 
 cake I done made for Doctah Smith when he done got mahhied. Dat cake 
 take thutty eggs if it take one. 
 
 i*ETE {shakes his head) : You can't make me blebe dat no cake done hab no 
 thutty eggs in it. Thutty eggs {shakes his head as he picks up an egg from 
 the basket and starts counting). Thutty, thutty-one, thutty-two, thutty-tree, 
 thutty-foh — Dat Doctah Smith must hab some swell wedding to hab a cake 
 made wid so many eggs. 
 
 Sambo : It done was de swelles' weddin in dis yere town. Day hab de weddin 
 brekfas' heah at de La Salle. An' sides cake, you should hab seen all de 
 things dey hab to eat. An de bride she had a white dress wid a long train 
 dat was most a mile long when she done walked. {Walks and looks behind 
 him at an imaginary train.) An de groom he hab one ob dem bird coats 
 what hang mos to his heels. {Looks behind him as though trying to see his 
 swallow tailed coat.) An' wasn't de bride pretty, an' de doctah looked so 
 hansom, 'cept he's lots older 'n the bride. 
 
 Pete : You doan say ? An how old de doctah man be ? 
 
 Sambo : I done guess he's 'bout fohty. 
 
 Pete {taking the eggs out of the basket) : Fohty, fohty-one, fohty-two, fohty- 
 tree, fohty-foh — 
 
 Sambo {interrupting) : But dey done say dat de doctah 's father was most 
 sebbenty when he done got mahhied the last time. 
 
 Pete {putting his hand on his back and straightening himself) : Sebbenty? 
 {Picks up an egg and starts counting.) Sebbenty, sebbenty-one, sebbenty- 
 two, sebbenty-tree, sebbenty-foh, sebbenty-fibe — 
 
 -wo f 
 
Pete Sells His Eggs 
 
 Sambo {piling up the dishes on the table) : But dat ain't nuffin foh my 
 granfather done got mahhied when he wuz most eighty-fibe. When dat wife 
 died, she wuz his fouth wife, he done wanted to get mahhied again but the 
 folks finally *suaded him dat a man 'mos ninty was too old to get mahhied 
 again. An' granfather he grieved an' grieved 'cause he too old to get mah- 
 hied, till at las', will you believe me, that old man grieved hisself to death 
 an' died. 
 
 Pete: You doan say dat he libbed to be ninty. Dat am a good ole age, 
 {Starts cmmting his eggs.) Ninety, ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety-tree— 
 {straightens up and nils his back). Dis misery in my back done make me 
 feel like I'se a hundred. {Begins counting his eggs as he takes them from the 
 basket.) Hundred-one, hundred-two, hundred-tree, hundred-foh — Wheah you 
 done say dat doctah man lib ? Dis misery in my back done be powful bad. 
 
 Sambo {looks up from his work) : De doctah man done hab lots ob money so 
 ob cose he lib wheah all de swells am. I done heah tell he hab a million 
 dollahs. 
 
 Pete: A million dollahs am a lot ob money! Wish dis ole niggah had a 
 million. {Picks up an egg and starts counting.) Million, million-one million- 
 two — {takes out the last egg from the basket). Well, I'll gib you dis yere 
 egg foh good measuhe, in case I done made a 'stake when I counted dem. 
 
 Sambo : How many j^ou done hab, Pete ? 
 
 Pete {scratches his head and looks puzzled) : I done counted a million-two 
 sides the one I put in foh good measuhe. 
 
 Sambo {stops work and looks at him) : Niggah, you doan tell me dere be 
 million-two eggs in dat dere dish? {points to the dish.) 
 
 Pete {looking puzzled at first but at last he nods his head vigorously) : Yes- 
 ■sah, dey done be a million-two fresh eggs in there sides de one I done put in 
 extwa. 
 
 Sambo {goes over to dish and takes an egg up and looks at it) : An' does you 
 mean to tell me dat — {drops the egg on the floor) dem be fresh eggs? Lawsy 
 massy! {Goes off holding his nose while Fete stares at him.) 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 
 
 017 401 805 4 • 
 
 MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 
 
 Five for 25 cents. Not Lets than Five Sold. 
 
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 years Aunt Jane spends a morning in a modem school. Her obserratlons keep tbe audience in a roar. 
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 folk visit the school, producing no end of fun. 
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 lota of fun. Clever and clean. 
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 the parson Included. Oceans of fun. 
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 and a little music which anybody can make. 
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 today. Incidentally a numl)er of the follies of humanity are exposed in a laughable manner. 
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 to buv, but the peddler had a suave manner. 
 OH. YOO TEACHER! By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males. 4 females. A splendid comedy of school life, 
 
 showing the amateur teacher's trials. Funny and well suited for schools. 
 ONE ON THE AGENT. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, brigbt and telling 
 
 repartee. Recommended for all occasions. 
 THE "PHYSICAL TORTURE" CLUB. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Physical culture 
 
 exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheumatic. Kiillngly funny. 
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 "SCAT!" By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her 
 
 youth. Very laughable. . „ , . . ..... 
 
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 and a spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 
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 if desired. A brisk and snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 
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 station resulting in no end of fun for the audience. » . . „ 
 
 THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice Wblte. 3 males, 2 females. He unexpectedly 
 
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 AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. A roaring farce that- will 
 keep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used with "A Proposal In Grandma's Day," 
 
 but each complete in Itself. .„„.„„....„ 
 
 WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males, 1 female. Humorous situation 
 
 resulting * from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 
 
 No entertainments sent on approval or exchanged. 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Pubtishers, 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. 
 
r>^^^ 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS