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THE 
 
 KALEIDOSCOPE 
 
 OF 
 
 ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 
 
THE 
 
 KALEIDOSCOPE 
 
 ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 
 
 COLLECTED 
 
 BY CATHERINE SINCLAIR, 
 
 H 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 "LORD AND LADY HARCOURT," "modern accomplishments" 
 
 : JANE BOUVERIE, ,, " SIR EDWARD GRAHAM," AND "HOLIDAY HOUSE.' 
 
 *> 
 
 - LONDON: 
 RICHARD BENTLEY, NEW BURLINGTON STREET, 
 
 Puolisfjer in ©rotnarg to pjrr fHajfstjj. 
 1851. 
 

 LONDON : 
 
 Printed by Schulze and Co., 13, Poland Street. 
 
DEDICATED 
 
 TO 
 
 THE HON. GEORGE FREDERICK BOYLE. 
 
 . To the nephew for whose sake, in his early years, I first became 
 an Author; whose friendship now is one of my chief enjoyments 
 in life, and in whose memory, when life is over, it shall be my 
 latest earthly wish long to survive, these "jottings for all nations' 5 
 
 Are inscribed by 
 
 CATHERINE SINCLAIR. 
 
 9, CHESHAM PLACE, 
 LONDON, 
 
THE KALEIDOSCOPE 
 
 ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 
 
 Learned he is, and can take note, 
 Transcribe, collect, translate and quote. 
 
 Why are not more gems from our great authors scat- 
 tered over the country? Great books are not in every- 
 body's reach; and though it is better to know them 
 thoroughly, than to know them only here and there, yet 
 it is a good work to give a little to those who have neither 
 time nor means to get more. Let every book-worm, 
 when in any fragrant scarce old tome, he discovers a 
 sentence, a story, an illustration, that does his heart good, 
 hasten to give it. — Coleridge. 
 
 I hold myself indebted to any one, from whose enlight- 
 ened understanding another ray of knowledge communi- 
 cates to mine. Really to inform the mind is to correct 
 and to enlarge the heart. — Junius. 
 
THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Many books, 
 Wise men have said, are wearisome ; who reads 
 Incessantly, and to his reading brings not 
 A spirit and judgment equal or superior, 
 Uncertain and unsettled still remains — 
 Deep vers'd in books, and shallow in himself. — Milton. 
 
 Even shavings of gold are carefully to be kept. — Fuller. 
 
 Let me indulge in the hope, that, among the illus- 
 trious youths wliom this ancient kingdom, famed alike 
 for its nobility and its learning, has produced, to continue 
 her fame through after ages : possibly among those I 
 now address, there may be found some one — I ask no more 
 — willing to give a bright example to other nations in a 
 path yet untrodden, by taking the lead of his fellow- 
 citizens — not in frivolous amusements, nor in the de- 
 grading pursuits of tlie ambitious vulgar — but in the 
 truly noble task of enlightening the mass of his country- 
 men, and of leaving his own name no longer encircled, as 
 heretofore, with barbaric splendour, or attached to courtly 
 gewgaws, but illustrated by the honours most worthy of 
 our rational nature, coupled with the diffusion of know- 
 ledge, and gratefully pronounced through all ages, by 
 millions whom his wise beneficence has rescued from 
 ignorance and vice. This is the true mark for the aim of 
 all who either prize the enjoyment of true happiness, or 
 set a right value upon a high and unsullied renown ; and 
 if the benefactors of mankind, when they rest from their 
 pious labours, shall be permitted to enjoy hereafter the 
 privilege of looking down upon the blessings with which 
 their toils and sufferings have clothed the scene of their 
 former existence, do not vainly imagine that, in a state of 
 exalted purity and wisdom, the founders of mighty 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 3 
 
 dynasties, the conquerors of new empires, or the more 
 vulgar crowd of evil doers, who have sacrificed to their 
 own aggrandisement the good of their fellow-creatures, 
 will be gratified by contemplating the monuments of their 
 inglorious fame ! Their' s will be the delight — their' s the 
 triumph — who can trace the remote effects of their en- 
 lightened benevolence in the improved condition of their 
 species, and exult in the reflection that the prodigious 
 change they now survey, with eyes that age and sorrow 
 can make dim no more — of knowledge become power — 
 virtue sharing in the dominion — superstition trampled 
 under foot — tyranny driven from the world — are the 
 fruits, precious, though costly, and though late reaped, yet 
 long enduring, of all the hardships and all the hazards 
 they encountered here below ! — From Lord Brougham's 
 Inaugural Discourse as Lord Rector of Glasgow Uni- 
 versity, 1825. 
 
 During the reign of Queen Elizabeth, Dean Nowell 
 having obtained from a foreigner several fine cuts and 
 pictures representing the stories and passions of the 
 saints and martyrs, placed them against the epistles and 
 gospels of their festivals in a Common Prayer-book. 
 This book he caused to be richly bound, and laid on the 
 cushion intended for the Queen's use, in the place where 
 she commonly sat, intending it for a New Year's Gift to 
 her Majesty, and thinking to have pleased her fancy 
 therewith, but it had not that effect, but the contrary. 
 When she came to her place, and saw the pictures, she 
 frowned, and then shut it. Calling the verger, she bade 
 him bring her the old book, wherein she was formerly 
 wont to read. After service, whereas she was wont to get 
 
 b2 
 
4 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 immediately on horseback, or into her chariot, she went 
 straight to the vestry, and applying herself to the Dean, 
 thus she spoke to him : 
 
 Queen. " Mr. Dean, how came it to pass that a new 
 Service-book was placed on my cushion ?" 
 
 Dean. "May it please your Majesty, I caused it to be 
 placed there." 
 
 Queen. "Wherefore did you so ?" 
 
 Dean. " To present your Majesty with a New Year's 
 Gift." 
 
 Queen. " You could never present me with a worse." 
 
 Dean. " Why so, Madam ?" 
 
 Queen. " You know I have an aversion to idolatry, to 
 images and pictures of this kind."— Strype's Annals. 
 
 The stern virtue of an ancient Roman, could not have 
 surpassed the heroism recorded of those Indians taken in 
 battle near the Cordilleras. They were remarkably fine 
 men, very fine, above six feet high, and all under thirty 
 years of age. They were believed to possess very valua- 
 ble information, and to extort this they were placed in a 
 line. The two first being questioned would give no 
 intelligence, and were instantly shot. The third also 
 refused to betray his tribe, and said : C( Fire, I am a man, 
 and can die !" — Darwin 3 s Voyage of H.M.S. f Beagle/ 
 p. 120. 
 
 When Dr. Adam Clarke was under examination for 
 orders as a Dissenting clergyman, the usual preliminary 
 question was asked him : " Are you in debt ?" At that 
 moment he remembered having in the morning borrowed 
 a halfpenny from a friend to give to a beggar, so his con- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 5 
 
 science forbid him to give a positive negative, while he 
 felt it would make him ridiculous to name so trifling a 
 sum. After a moment's hesitation he replied : " Not a 
 penny." 
 
 John Wesley was so intent on his followers being u a 
 peculiar people/' that he once said : " God forbid that we 
 should not be the laughing-stock of all mankind V* 
 
 When Lady **** was suddenly taken ill, and found 
 out that she was dying, she became almost frantic with 
 horror at the idea of dying alone, and threw her arms 
 round the neck of her maid, exclaiming in accents of 
 entreaty : " Die with me ! oh, die with me V 
 
 Lines on observing a sunbeam glittering on a mass of 
 snow: 
 
 Mark ! in yon beam the world's destructive guile, 
 It melts us into ruin with a smile. 
 
 "When I went/' says Mr. Collins, R.A., "to bid Sir 
 David Wilkie farewell, a day or two before he left home 
 for his last journey, I found him in high spirits, enlarging 
 with all his early enthusiasm on the immense advantage 
 he might derive from painting upon Holy Land on the 
 very ground on which the event he was to embody had 
 actually occurred. To make a study at Bethlehem from 
 some young female and child, seemed to me one great 
 incentive to his journey. I asked him if he had any 
 guide-book, he said : 6 Yes, and the very best / then un- 
 locking his travelling bag, he showed me a pocket-Bible. 
 
THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 1 never saw him again ; but the Bible throughout Judea 
 was, I am assured, his best and only hand-book." — Life of 
 Sir David Wilkie. 
 
 Goethe, when young, having heard that he was con- 
 sidered as very inexperienced, applied to an old officer who 
 had exactly the opposite reputation for his experience. 
 " All that I could gather," says Goethe, " was nearly this, 
 that we learn by experience : that it is a folly to hope for 
 the accomplishment of our wishes, our dearest projects, 
 our best ideas ; and that whoever suffers himself to be 
 caught by such baits, and warmly expresses his hopes, is 
 considered as singularly inexperienced." 
 
 When Fenelon was informed that his valuable library 
 had taken fire, he exclaimed : " God be praised that it is 
 not the habitation of some poor man." 
 
 A lady applied once to the late benevolent Mr. Rey- 
 nolds of Bristol, on behalf of an orphan. After he had 
 given liberally, she said : 
 
 % When he is old enough, I will teach him to name and 
 thank his benefactor." 
 
 " Stop !" said the good man, " you are mistaken ! 
 We do nt thank the clouds for the rain ; teach him to 
 look higher, and thank Him who giveth both the clouds 
 and the rain." 
 
 Lord Ashley before he charged, at the battle of Edge- 
 Hill, made this short prayer : " 0, Lord, Thou knowest 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 7 
 
 how busy I must be this day, if I forget Thee, do not 
 Thou forget me I" 
 
 Bishop Latimer says in allusion to Popery : " Where 
 the devil is resident, and hath his plough going, then 
 away with books, and up with candles ; away with Bibles, 
 and up with beads ; away with the light of the gospel, 
 and up with the light of candles, yea, at noon-day." 
 
 The monks had a saint for every disease ; to touch the 
 keys of St. Peter, or to handle a relic of St. Hubert, was 
 deemed an effectual mode of curing madness ; St. Clare 
 cured sore eyes, St. Sebastian the plague, and St. Apol- 
 lonia the toothache. He who suffered under such evils 
 sought eagerly for some relic of the saint ; they became 
 inestimable in value ; and the monks, somehow or other, 
 generally managed to find the article in request. The 
 teeth of St. Apollonia were about as numerous, as the 
 complaint she took under her charge was common. It is 
 said that Henry VI., disgusted at the excess of this super- 
 stition, ordered all who possessed teeth of that illustrious 
 saint to deliver them to an officer appointed to receive 
 them. Obedient crowds came to display their saintly 
 treasures ; and lo ! a ton of the veritable teeth of St. Apol- 
 lonia were thus collected together ! " Were her stomach," 
 says Fuller, the witty church historian, " proportionate 
 to her teeth, a country would scarce afford her a meal." — 
 Glimmerings in the Dark, p. 163. 
 
 Sidney Smith's definition of the Popish Ritual : 
 Posture and imposture, flections and genuflections, 
 
8 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 bowing to the right, curtseying to the left, and an 
 immense amount of man-millinery. 
 
 Fontenelle, describing the position of a friend who 
 had involved himself in a very serious scrape, thus 
 relates the method of his extrication : 
 
 " II s'en tira en homme habile. Savez vous ce qu'il fit ? 
 II mourut !" 
 
 A gentleman dining at Marshal Soult's once, admired 
 two pictures on the wall. " Ah !" exclaimed the old 
 warrior, smiling; "I have a great regard for those 
 paintings, as they saved the lives of two very worthy 
 men." 
 
 The Marshal being at this moment called out of the 
 room, one of his guests added : " Yes, I remember after 
 the taking of a town in Italy, the two owners of those 
 pictures were brought before the Marshal with ropes 
 round their necks, and told that they should, instantly be 
 hanged if they did not sign a paper which was placed 
 before them, making a gift of those beautiful paintings 
 to the Marshal." 
 
 Calonne, the ex-Minister of Louis XVI., was, by the 
 clemency of Bonaparte and the remembrance of old 
 friendship in Talleyrand, allowed to return to Paris, and 
 immediately on his arrival he died of a pleurisy and a 
 bad physician, to whom, when he could speak no longer, 
 he wrote in pencil these remarkable words : 
 
 u Tu m'as assassine, et si tu es honnete homme, tu 
 renonceras a la medicine pour jamais." — Lord Holland's 
 Reminiscences. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 9 
 
 General Castanos had grown old in a court, and was 
 more adapted for it than for a camp. Hot weather, the 
 plunder and baggage with which the French had encum- 
 bered themselves, and the self-sufficiency of their com- 
 mander, gained for him the victory of Baylen. He had 
 the good sense and modesty to ascribe his success to 
 those circumstances. The French General, Dupont, 
 had the bad taste to preserve his vanity even in his 
 chagrin. When he delivered his sword to Castanos, he 
 said : 
 
 " You may well, General, be proud of this day. It is 
 remarkable that I have never lost a pitched battle till 
 now— I, who have been in more than twenty, and gained 
 them all \" 
 
 " It is the more remarkable," replied drily the sarcastic 
 Spaniard, " because I never was in one before in my life." 
 — Lord Holland's Reminiscences. 
 
 No one can fear death less than I do, neither am I 
 much attached to life ; but I have never known the feeling 
 of an anxious longing for death; and although it be a 
 nobler one than that of an absolute weariness of exist- 
 ence, it is nevertheless blameable. Life must first, for as 
 long a period as Providence wills it, be enjoyed, or suf- 
 fered — in one word, gone through — and that with a full 
 submission, without murmuring, lamenting, or repining. 
 There is one important law of nature which we should 
 never lose sight of: I mean that of the ripening for death. 
 Death is not a break in existence ; it is but an inter- 
 mediate circumstance, a transition from one form of our 
 finite existence to another. The moment of maturity for 
 death, cannot be decided by any human wisdom or inward 
 
 b3 
 
10 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 feeling, and to attempt to do so would be nothing better 
 than the vain rashness of human pride. That decision 
 can only be made by Him, who can at once look back 
 through our whole course, and both reason and duty 
 require that we should leave the hour to Him, and never 
 rebel against his decrees by a single impatient wish. The 
 first and most important thing is, to learn to master our- 
 selves, and to throw ourselves with peaceful confidence on 
 Him who never changes, looking on every situation, 
 whether pleasant or otherwise, as a source from which 
 our interior existence and individual character may draw 
 increasing strength ; and hence springs that entire sub- 
 mission which few attain to, although all fancy they feel 
 it. True resignation, which always brings with it the 
 confidence that unchangeable goodness will make even 
 the disappointment of our hopes and the contradictions of 
 life conducive to some benefit, casts a grave but tranquil 
 light over the prospect of even a toilsome and troubled 
 life. — Von Humboldt's Thoughts of a Statesman, p. 139. 
 
 When the Rev. Mr. **** heard an infidel jestingly 
 say once, " I always spend the Sunday in settling my 
 accounts," that venerable minister turned round and said, 
 in an accent of deep solemnity, " You may find, Sir, that 
 the day of judgment is to be spent in exactly the same 
 manner." 
 
 Catherine de Medicis, being told of an author who had 
 written a violent philippic against her, exclaimed with 
 momentary regret : " Ah ! if he did but know of me all 
 that I know against myself V 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 11 
 
 George IV., wishing to take the sacrament shortly 
 before his death, sent for the Bishop of Winchester. 
 The royal messenger having loitered on his way, a consi- 
 derable time elapsed before the Bishop's arrival ; and his 
 Majesty, on learning the cause of so unusual a delay, 
 rebuked his servant sharply, and having peremptorily 
 dismissed him from his service, turned to the Bishop, and 
 said he was now ready for the sacred offices. His Lord- 
 ship then, with dignified calmness, remarked that while 
 any irritation remained towards a fellow-creature, he 
 must decline to administer the ordinances ; and the King, 
 suddenly recollecting himself, sent for the offending party, 
 and cordially pardoned him, saying to the Bishop : " My 
 Lord, you are right V* 
 
 Sir John Germain was so ignorant, that he left a legacv 
 to Sir Matthew Decker, as the author of St. Matthew's 
 Gospel ! 
 
 Some persons having written to Frederick the Great an 
 admonitory letter on his infidel principles, which he re- 
 ceived on his death-bed, he merely said, with very unusual 
 gentleness : " They should be answered kindly, for they 
 mean well V 9 
 
 St. Francis de Sales being consulted by a lady on the 
 lawfulness of wearing rouge, replied: "Some persons 
 may object to it, and others may see no harm in it, but I 
 shall take a middle course, by allowing you to rouge on 
 one cheek/' 
 
12 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When the persecuting Papists boasted much of their 
 moderation, it was observed in the House of Commons : 
 "They should rather boast of their murder-ation \" 
 
 Bradford, the martyr, said in prison, immediately 
 before his execution : " I have no request to make. If 
 Queen Mary gives me life, I will thank her ; if she banish 
 me, I will thank her ; if she burn me, I will thank her ; 
 if she condemn me to perpetual imprisonment, I will 
 thank her.'" 
 
 Louis XII. was naturally inclined to economy: this 
 was once made a topic of ridicule in his presence, to which 
 he replied : " I had rather see my courtiers laugh at my 
 avarice, than my people weep at my extravagance." 
 
 When Madame de Stael visited Port Royal, she said it 
 was a place " tout propre a inspirer le desir de faire son 
 salut." 
 
 John Bunyan had a great dread of spiritual pride ; and 
 once, after he had preached a very fine sermon, and his 
 friends crowded round to shake him by the hand, while 
 they expressed the utmost admiration of his eloquence, he 
 interrupted them, saying : " Ay ! you need not remind 
 me of that, for the devil told me of it before I was out of 
 the pulpit \" — Southey. 
 
 It has long been proverbial that colleagues in a church 
 seldom agree ; but the assistant to the learned and worthy 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 13 
 
 Dr. Macknight, having once complimented him on the 
 rare achievement of their living together on terms of 
 mutual good-will, added that he thought there was in 
 many respects a great resemblance between them. 
 
 " Yes/' replied Dr. Macknight, who was rather a dry- 
 preacher ; " in one respect our union is an advantage : 
 that while together we have one empty church, but if we 
 had a separate charge, there would be two empty." 
 
 Lady Huntington, when dying, said: "I shall go to 
 my Father this night !" 
 
 The Presbyterians told Queen Mary that " her life was 
 the death of the Church, as her death would be its life." 
 
 A gentleman once said to Rowland Hill : " It is sixty- 
 five years since I first heard you preach, and the sermon 
 was well worth remembering. You remarked that some 
 people are very squeamish about the manner of a clergy- 
 man in preaching, but you then added: ' Suppose one 
 were attending to hear a will read, expecting to receive a 
 legacy, would you employ the time in criticizing the 
 lawyer's manner while reading it ? No ; you would give 
 all your interest to ascertain if anything were left to your- 
 self, and how much. Let that, then, be the way in which 
 you listen to the Gospel/ " 
 
 When the infidel Hume asked Bishop Home why 
 religious people looked always melancholy, the learned 
 prelate replied: "The sight of you, Mr. Hume, would 
 make any Christian melancholy ¥* 
 
14 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 How men would mock at Pleasure's shows, 
 Her golden promise, if they knew 
 What weary work she is to those 
 Who have no better work to do. 
 
 To look back upon a life not uselessly spent, is what 
 will give peace at the last. Idleness is the Dead Sea that 
 swallows all virtues and the self-made sepulchre of a 
 living man. The great secret of happiness is, to have 
 some object constantly in pursuit of which the heart and 
 conscience can approve, and to be continually advancing 
 with active diligence to its attainment. A mind occupied 
 by useful business has no room for useless regrets, do not 
 therefore look on the dark side of life, and always be 
 thankful to those who turn the bright side of the lantern 
 towards yourself. 
 
 Avoiding evil is but one half of our work ; we must 
 also do good. One act of beneficence, one act of real 
 usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world, 
 and that humanity is despicable which can be contented 
 to pity where it might assuage. 
 
 A Letter from Lady Pomfret to the Duchess Dowager 
 of Somerset, 1738: 
 
 Write me word what is doing where I do no more. Safe 
 in harbour, I see the main covered with floating vessels, 
 some sailing with auspicious gales, some struggling with 
 adverse winds, some cruising, some sinking. 1 am not out 
 of humour with the world, though retired from it, and 
 therefore should take as much pleasure in seeing how it 
 goes, as in seeing a new play ; where, though I am no 
 actor, I am as attentive to the opening, progress, and 
 catastrophe of the plot. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 15 
 
 Were the seconds in a duel as averse to shed blood as 
 the principals, duels would be less fatal. A distinguished 
 officer, General Fitz-Patrick, was second at the duel 
 between Mr. Pitt and Mr. Tiernay ; after the exchange of 
 shots, Mr. Pitt having refused to make any apology, the 
 principals were preparing to fire again, when General 
 Fitz-Patrick stepped forward saying, " Gentlemen, I think 
 ample satisfaction has been given, and if more be demanded 
 you must find another second." 
 
 Of all the pleasures and luxuries which the blessings 
 of modern peace have brought in their train, none are 
 more universally desired, pursued, attained, and abused, 
 than those of travelling. Of all the varying motives which 
 impel the actions of mankind, at this, or any time, none 
 are so multifarious, so relative, so contradictory, and so 
 specious, as those of travelling. The young and ardent, 
 borne on the wings of hope ; the listless and vapid, pushed 
 forward on the mere dancing-wire of fashion ; the restless 
 and disappointed, urged onward by the perpetual spur of 
 excitement — all bring a different worship to the same 
 idol. If there be good angels watching our movements 
 from above, gazing, as the deaf, on the busy dance of life, 
 and insensible to the jarring tones which impel it, how 
 utterly incomprehensible must those inducements appear 
 to them which drive tens of thousands annually from their 
 native shores, to seek enjoyments which at home they 
 would not have extended a hand to grasp, to encounter 
 discomforts which at home would have been shunned as 
 positive misfortunes, to withhold their substance where it 
 ill can be spared, to spend it where it were better away, 
 which lead individuals voluntarily to forsake all they can 
 
16 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 best love and trust, to follow a phantom, to double the 
 chances of misfortune, or at best but to create to them- 
 selves a new home to leave it again, in sorrow and heaviness - 
 of heart, like the old one. Such is human nature, seldom 
 enjoying a good but in anticipation, seldom prizing happi- 
 ness until it is gone ; and such the reflections, inconsistent 
 if true, of one who, self-condemned, is following in the 
 motley herd of these emigrants. — Letters from the Baltic. 
 
 A favourite form of benediction in the East is, in these 
 words: " May you die among your kindred V That 
 blessing was more probable formerly than now, when so 
 many both live and die far aloof from their natural homes 
 and relatives. 
 
 Those who are freed from cares and anxieties, who are 
 surrounded by all the means of enjoyment, and whose 
 pleasures present themselves without being sought for, 
 are often unhappy in the midst of all, merely because that 
 activity of mind, in the proper exercise of which our 
 happiness consists, has in them no object on w r hich it must 
 be employed. But when the heart is sincerely and affec- 
 tionately interested for the good of others, a new scene of 
 action is continually open ; every moment may be employed 
 in some pleasing and useful pursuits. New opportunities 
 of doing good are continually presenting themselves, new 
 schemes are formed and ardently pursued, and even when 
 they do not succeed, though the disappointment may give 
 pain, yet the pleasure of self- approbation will remain, and 
 the pursuit will be remembered with satisfaction. The 
 next opportunity which offers itself will be readily embraced, 
 and will furnish a fresh supply of pleasures ; such pleasures 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 17 
 
 as are secure from that weariness and disgust, which 
 sooner or later, are the consequences of all such enjoyments 
 as tend merely to gratify the selfish passions and inclina- 
 tions, and which always attend on an inactive state of 
 mind ; from whatever cause it may proceed, whether it be 
 the effect of satiety or disappointment, of prosperity or 
 despair. — Bowdler. 
 
 It is a pernicious complaisance to conceal from our 
 friends mortifying and afflicting truths, when it is 
 expedient they should know them. 
 
 We observe an exotic in a garden, blown about by every 
 gale and strongly affected by every variation of wind, rain, 
 or sunshine. A gardener puts a glass over it, and it then 
 becomes protected in all vicissitudes. Thus religion shields 
 the soul of man amidst all worldly changes, and gives 
 stability, safety and comfort alike in prosperity or adver- 
 sity. €€ It is a belief in the Bible," says Goethe, " the 
 fruits of deep meditation, which has served me as the 
 guide of my moral and literary life. I have found it a 
 capital safely invested, and richly productive of interest." 
 
 When Socrates was asked what a man gains by telling 
 lies, he answered : " not to be believed when he speaks the 
 truth." 
 
 In exalting the faculties of the soul, we annihilate in a 
 great degree the delusion of the senses. — Aime Martin. 
 
18 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 From Lord Lindsay's sketch of Alexander, Earl of 
 Balcarres, who died aged forty-one, 1660 : 
 
 He was tender to his wife, affectionate to his friends, 
 compassionately forgetting his enemies, kind to all his 
 relations. He had his times of devotion three times a-day, 
 except some extraordinary business hindered him ; in the 
 morning, from the time he was dressed until eleven o'clock, 
 he read upon the Bible and divinity books, and prayed, 
 
 and meditated ; then at half an hour past till near 
 
 seven ; then at ten o'clock till eleven. The last year of 
 his life his thoughts were but little upon the world; 
 neither the joys nor griefs thereof did move him. He saw 
 it was but his inferior part was subject to its changes ; no 
 kind of affliction could bereave him of the courage and 
 vigour of mind God enriched him with, which showed so 
 great strength to govern his soul, that, though he saw 
 evils great and present, yet he mitigated them so with 
 rectified reason, and with the serious consideration of the 
 goodness and wisdom of Him that had appointed all for 
 him, that he, with the greatest ease, by the assistance of 
 his blessed Lord and Redeemer, overcame all; thus 
 wisdom, grace, and virtue, in this well-ordered mind did 
 produce the greatest tranquillity imaginable, so that grace 
 and glory was what he was wholly taken up with the last 
 eight days of his life. 
 
 When death seemed to be near, all time was spent 
 either in prayer or praising his blessed Lord, for His free 
 love to mankind, and to him in particular, and in 
 comforting his family, and in instructing and advising his 
 friends to live holily. He was so taken up with Heaven, that 
 the way he took to comfort his nearest and dearest relation 
 was to tell her " she ought to rejoice, because he might 
 say, as his blessed Saviour did when He was to depart 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 19 
 
 from his disciples, i Let not your hearts be troubled, for I 
 go to my heavenly Father; I go from persecution and 
 calumny to the company of angels and spirits of just men 
 made perfect/ How sweet is rest to a wearied soul, and 
 such a rest as this is that I am going to. Oh ! blessed 
 rest ! where we shall rest from sinning, but not from 
 praising V° 
 
 One Master Patrick Forbes, afterwards Bishop of 
 Caithness, asked him, " My lord, do you forgive all your 
 enemies that have so maliciously persecuted you ?" " Ay, 
 ay, Mr. Forbes," said he, u long ago, — I bless God that 
 is not to do." After some little struggling with death, 
 he called to his wife, who was always by him, and said, 
 % My dear, I follow a good guide, who will never quit me, 
 and I will never quit Him." Often during that afternoon, 
 he said, " Come, Lord Jesus, thou tarriest long !" Mark 
 the perfect man, and behold the upright, for the end of 
 that man is peace. 
 
 When the rich miser, Elwes, who left about a million 
 of money to be divided between his two sons, was advised 
 to give them some education, his answer was : " Putting 
 things into people's heads, is taking money out of their 
 pockets." 
 
 It is rare to see in any one a graceful laughter : it is 
 generally better to smile than laugh out, especially to 
 contract a habit of laughing at small jokes, or no jokes. 
 Sometimes it would be affectation, or worse ; mere morose- 
 ness not to laugh heartily, when the truly-ridiculous 
 circumstances of an incident, or the true pleasantry and 
 wit of a thing, call for and justify it ; but the trick of 
 
20 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 laughing frivolously is by all means to be avoided. As 
 to politeness, many have attempted definitions of it: I 
 would venture to call it benevolence in trifles, or the pre- 
 ference of others to ourselves, in little daily, hourly 
 occurrences in the commerce of life. A better place, a 
 more commodious seat, priority in being helped at table, 
 &c, what is it but sacrificing ourselves in such trifles to 
 the convenience and pleasure of others ? And this con- 
 stitutes true politeness. It is a perpetual attention — by 
 habit, it grows easy and natural to us — to the little wants 
 of those we are with, by which we either prevent or 
 remove them. Bowing, ceremonious formal compliments, 
 stiff civilities, will never be politeness ; that must be easy, 
 natural, unstudied, manly, noble. And what will give 
 this, but a mind benevolent, and perpetually attentive to 
 exert that amiable disposition in trifles towards all you 
 converse and live with ? Benevolence in greater matters 
 takes a higher name, and is the queen of virtues. — Lord 
 Chatham } s Letters to his Nephew. 
 
 Every desire bears its death in its very gratification. 
 Curiosity languishes under repeated stimulants, and 
 novelties cease to excite surprise, until at length we cannot 
 wonder even at a miracle. — Bracebridge Hall. 
 
 It is not the height to which men are advanced that 
 makes them giddy ; it is the looking down with contempt 
 upon those beneath. — Conversations of Lord Byron. 
 
 I could spend whole days, and moonlight nights, in 
 feeding upon a lovely prospect ! My eyes drink the rivers 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 21 
 
 as they flow. If every human being upon earth could 
 think for one quarter of an hour, as I have done for 
 many years, there might, perhaps, be many miserable 
 men among them ; but not an unawakened one could be 
 found, from the arctic to the antarctic circle. I delight 
 in baubles, and know them to be so ; for, rested in, and 
 viewed without a reference to their Author, what is the 
 earth, what are the planets, what is the sun itself, but a 
 bauble ? Better for a man never to have seen them, or to 
 see them with the eyes of a brute, stupid and unconscious 
 of what he beholds, than not to be able to say : " The 
 Maker of all these wonders is my friend V Their eyes 
 have never been opened, to see that they are trifles ; mine 
 have been, and will be, till they are closed for ever. They 
 think a fine estate, a large conservatory, a hot-house rich 
 as a West Indian garden, things of consequence; visit 
 them with pleasure, and muse upon them with ten times 
 more. I am pleased with a frame of four lights, doubtful 
 whether the few panes it contains will ever be worth a 
 farthing; amuse myself with a green-house, which Lord 
 Bute's gardener could take upon his back, and walk 
 away with ; and when I have paid it the accustomed visit, 
 and watered it, and given it air, I say to myself: " This 
 is not mine ; *tis a plaything lent me for the present ; I 
 must leave it soon." — Cowper's Letters. 
 
 In maiden speeches, the most fatal symptoms are — 
 well-set and well-prepared sentences and periods, certain 
 moral truisms, and frequent references to the Greeks and 
 Romans. — North American Review. 
 
 Many people court, in the publicity of worldly distinc- 
 
22 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 tion, a praise which, if all were known, might often prove 
 the bitterest satire on their neglect of domestic claims, 
 ten times more important and binding on them. — Capt. 
 Hall 
 
 Lord Byron, after his mother's death, was found sitting 
 up during the night, in the dark, beside her bed. To 
 the waiting-woman, on her representing the weakness of 
 thus giving way to grief, he exclaimed, bursting into 
 tears : * Oh, Mrs. By, I had but one friend in the world, 
 and she is gone V* 
 
 While his real thoughts were thus confided to silence 
 and darkness, there was in other parts of his conduct, 
 more open to observation, a degree of eccentricity and 
 indecorum, which, with superficial observers, might well 
 bring the sensibility of his nature into question. On the 
 morning of the funeral, having declined following the 
 remains himself, he stood looking from the Abbey door at 
 the procession, till the whole had moved off ; then turn- 
 ing to young Rushton, who was the only person left 
 besides himself, he desired him to fetch the sparring- 
 gloves, and proceeded to his usual exercise with the boy. 
 He was silent and abstracted all the time; and, as if 
 from an effort to get the better of his feelings, threw 
 more violence, Rushton thought, into his blows than was 
 his habit ; but at last (the struggle seeming too much for 
 him) he flung away the gloves, and retired to his room. 
 — Moore's Life of Byron, vol. i, p. 272. 
 
 The excellent Oberlin, having received warning that 
 some uncivilized and brutal persons in his parish had 
 formed a plan for waylaying and inflicting upon him 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 23 
 
 "a, severe castigation," took for his text in church, on 
 the Sunday when he had been told the outrage was to 
 be perpetrated, these words of our Saviour : " But I say 
 unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall 
 smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other 
 also;" and proceeded, from these words, to speak of 
 the Christian patience with which we should suffer in- 
 juries, and submit to false surmises and ill-usage. After 
 the service, the malcontents met at the house of one of 
 the party to amuse themselves in conjecturing what their 
 pastor would do, when he should find himself compelled 
 to put in practice the principles he had so readily ex- 
 plained. What, then, must have been their astonishment, 
 when the door opened, and Oberlin himself stood before 
 them ! " Here I am, my friends," said he, with that 
 calm dignity of manner which inspires even the most 
 violent with respect ; et I am acquainted with your design. 
 You have wished to chastise me, because you consider me 
 culpable. If I have indeed violated the rules which I have 
 laid down for you, punish me for it. It is better that I 
 should deliver myself into your hands, than that you 
 should be guilty of the meanness of an ambuscade." 
 These simple words produced their intended effect. The 
 peasants, ashamed of their scheme, sincerely begged his 
 forgiveness, and promised never again to entertain a 
 doubt of the sincerity of the motives by which he was 
 actuated, and of his affectionate desire to promote their 
 welfare. — Life of Oberlin. 
 
 Praise is, to an old man, an empty sound. He has 
 neither mother to be delighted with the reputation of her 
 son, nor wife to partake the honours of her husband. 
 
24 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 He has outlived his friends and his rivals. Nothing is 
 now of much importance/ for he cannot extend his 
 interest beyond himself. Youth is delighted with ap- 
 plause, because it is considered the earnest of some future 
 good, and because the prospect of life is far extended ; 
 but to one declining into decrepitude, there is little to be 
 feared from the malevolence of men, and yet less to be 
 hoped from their affection or esteem. He should expect 
 with humility, that hour which nature cannot long delay ; 
 and hope to possess in a better state that happiness which 
 here he cannot find, and that virtue which here he has 
 not attained. 
 
 Pour forth thy fervours for a healthful mind, 
 
 Obedient passions, and a will resign'd ; 
 
 For Faith, that panting for a happier seat, 
 
 Counts death kind Nature's signal of retreat ; 
 
 With these celestial Wisdom calms the mind, 
 
 And makes the happiness she does not find. — Johnson. 
 
 Harley was of a happy disposition : pleased, but not 
 elated with success, when he obtained it ; and never 
 soured nor dispirited by failure. When at last worn 
 out as an author, he said : "If I have lost my popularity, 
 it is the more incumbent on me to show my friends that 
 the cheerfulness of my spirit is built on a much nobler 
 foundation than the precarious breath of popular ap- 
 plause." 
 
 Scaliger said : " There is no book so worthless, that 
 I cannot collect something from it." 
 
 At one of the evening parties at Streatham, Mr. Coxe 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 25 
 
 was discoursing, perhaps not very considerately, on the 
 happiness of retiring from the world, when Dr. Johnson 
 cautioned him against indulging such fancies, saying : 
 " Exert your talents and distinguish yourself, and don't 
 think of retiring from the world until the world will be 
 sorry that you retire." Johnson said once, when some 
 one complained of the neglect shown to Markland : 
 " Remember, he would run from the w T orld, and it is not 
 the world's business to run after him. I hate a fellow 
 whom pride, or cowardice, or laziness drives into a 
 corner, and who does nothing when he is there but sit 
 and growl. Let him come out as I do, and bark." 
 
 Three days before Lord Chatham expired, he came into 
 the House of Lords, leaning upon two friends, wrapped 
 up in flannel, pale and emaciated. Within his large wig 
 little more was to be seen than his aquiline nose, and his 
 penetrating eye. He looked like a dying man ; yet never 
 was seen a figure of more dignity ; he appeared like a 
 being of a superior species, He rose from his seat with 
 slowness and difficulty, leaning on his crutches, and sup- 
 ported under each arm by his two friends. He took one 
 hand from his crutch and raised it, casting his eyes to- 
 wards heaven, and said : " I thank God that I have been 
 enabled to come here this day — to perform my duty, and 
 to speak on a subject which has so deeply impressed my 
 mind. I am old and infirm — have one foot, more than 
 one foot, in the grave — I am risen from my bed to stand 
 up in the cause of my country — perhaps never again to 
 speak in this House.'' The reverence — the attention — 
 the stillness of the House was most affecting ; if any one 
 had dropped a handkerchief the noise would have been 
 
 c 
 
26 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 heard. At first lie spoke in a very low and feeble tone ; 
 but as lie grew warm his voice rose, and was as harmo- 
 nious as ever; oratorical and affecting, perhaps more than 
 at any former period, both from his own situation, and 
 from the importance of the subject on which he spoke. 
 Before leaving the House he was seized with convulsions, 
 and three days afterwards terminated a glorious life by a 
 death, it may be said, in the service of his country, and on 
 the very field of battle. — Life of Chatham. 
 
 It is not every calamity that is a curse, and early ad- 
 versity especially is often a blessing. Perhaps Madame 
 de Maintenon would never have mounted a throne had 
 not her cradle been rocked in a prison. The austerities of 
 our northern climate are thought to be the cause of our 
 abundant comforts ; as our wintry nights and our stormy 
 seas have given us a race of seamen, perhaps unequalled, 
 and certainly not surpassed, by any in the world. There 
 are few difficulties that hold out against real attacks, they 
 fly like the visible horizon before those who advance. A 
 passionate desire and an unwearied will can perform im- 
 possibilities, or what seem to be such to the cold and the 
 feeble. If we do but go on, some unseen path will open 
 among the hills. We must not allow ourselves to be dis- 
 couraged by the apparent disproportion between the re- 
 sult of single efforts and the magnitude of the obstacles to 
 be encountered. Nothing good or great is to be obtained 
 without courage and industry ; but courage and industry 
 must have sunk in despair, and the world must have re- 
 mained unornamented and unimproved, if men had nicely 
 compared the effect of a single stroke of the chisel with 
 the pyramid to be raised, or of a single impression of tho 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 27 
 
 spade with the mountain to be levelled. All exertion too 
 is in itself delightful, and active amusements seldom tire 
 us. Helvetius owns that he could hardly listen to a con- 
 cert for two hours, though he could play on an instrument 
 all day long. Not only fame and fortune, but pleasure is 
 to be earned. We should never do nothing. — Sharp's 
 Essays. 
 
 Burton concludes his anatomy of melancholy with these 
 words : " Be not solitary, be not idle." And Dr. Reid 
 considers the close air of the metropolis, with its excite- 
 ments, better than the pure air of the country with its 
 dullness, saying : " The lamp of life burns to waste in the 
 sepulchre of solitude." 
 
 Sir Francis Delaval possessed abilities of a high order, 
 together with every advantageous accompaniment of for- 
 tune and station. Delaval was distinguished for all the 
 convivialities of the table, and every kind of absurd extra- 
 vagance, whilst the course of his life was one of exagge- 
 rated humour and exhausted resources. When Mr. 
 Edgeworth visited him, a little before his decease, he thus 
 expressed himself : " Let my example warn you of a fatal 
 error into which I have fallen. I have pursued amuse- 
 ment, or rather frolic, instead of turning my ingenuity and 
 talents to useful purposes. I am sensible that my mind 
 was fit for greater things than any of which I am now, or 
 of which I was ever supposed to be capable. — If I had 
 employed half the time and half the pains in cultivating 
 serious knowledge, that I have wasted in exerting my 
 powers upon trifles, instead of merely making myself a 
 conspicuous figure at public places of amusement, instead 
 
 c2 
 
28 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 of dissipating my fortune and tarnishing my character ; I 
 should have become a useful member of society, and an 
 honour to my family ! Remember my advice, young man. 
 Pursue what is useful to mankind — you will satisfy them, 
 and, what is better, you will satisfy yourself." — Last 
 Hours. 
 
 Webb, the celebrated walker, who was remarkable for 
 vigour both of body and mind, drank nothing but water 
 He was one day recommending his regimen to a friend 
 who loved wine, and urged him with great earnestness to 
 quit a course of luxury, by which his health and his intel- 
 lects would be equally destroyed. The gentleman ap- 
 peared to be convinced, and told him that he would 
 conform to his counsel, though he thought he could not 
 change his course of life at once, but would leave off strong 
 liquors by degrees. " By degrees \" exclaimed the other 
 with indignation ; " if you should unhappily fall into the 
 fire, would you caution your servants to pull you out by 
 degrees V 
 
 Vivacity seldom fails to give some pain ; the hearers 
 either strain their faculties to accompany its towerings, or 
 are left behind in envy and despair. Good-humour boasts 
 no faculties which every one does not believe in his own 
 power, and pleases, principally by not offending. It is 
 imagined by many that whenever they aspire to please, 
 they are required to be merry, and to show the gladness of 
 their souls, by flights of pleasantry and bursts of laughter. 
 But though these men may be for a time heard with 
 applause and admiration, they seldom delight us 
 long. We enjoy them a little, and then retire to easiness 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 29 
 
 and good-humour, as the eye gazes awhile on eminences 
 glittering with the sun, but soon turns aching away to 
 verdure and to flowers. 
 
 There is no unmixed good in human affairs : the best 
 principles, if pushed to excess, degenerate into fatal vices. 
 Generosity is nearly allied to extravagance — charity itself 
 may lead to ruin — the sternness of justice is but one step 
 removed from the severity of oppression. It is the same in 
 the political world : the tranquillity of despotism resembles 
 the stagnation of the Dead Sea ; the fever of innovation, 
 the tempests of the ocean. It would seem as if, at par- 
 ticular periods, from causes inscrutable to human wisdom, 
 an universal frenzy seizes mankind, reason, experience, 
 prudence, are alike blinded ; and the very classes who are 
 to perish in the storm, are the first to raise its fury. — 
 Alison. 
 
 Books only known to antiquaries and collectors of 
 books are bought because they are scarce, and would not 
 have been scarce had they been esteemed. — Johnson. 
 
 Thomas Scott, the commentator, under the accumulated 
 burdens of sixty-seven years of sickness, and of poverty, 
 investigated his accounts, and ascertained that £199,900 
 had been " paid in his lifetime across the counter" for his 
 theological publications — that he had derived from them 
 an income of a little more than £47 per annum — that 
 they had involved him in a debt of about £1,200 — and 
 that all his worldly wealth consisted of a warehouse-full 
 of unsaleable theology. Agitated, alarmed, and distressed, 
 
30 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 but never desponding, lie at length, for the first time, 
 invokes the aid of his friends and fellow-labourers, among 
 whom the large-souled Charles Simeon first answers the 
 appeal with affectionate greetings, with numerous orders 
 for his books, and with a remittance of £560 for his 
 relief. Others rapidly follow this good example, and 
 within two months the warehouse is emptied of its con- 
 tents, and the great commentator finds himself possessed 
 of more than £2,000. With his debts paid, his cares 
 dispersed, his heart warmed to his brethren, and his trust 
 in God justified, the curtain falls on the brave old man 
 applying himself to a new edition of his work, and toiling 
 with all the vigour of youth to compile a new concordance, 
 by which he hopes to emulate, and to supersede the vast 
 compilation of Cruden. Scott might have challenged the 
 world to produce a more unfortunate or a more enviable 
 man. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 An affectionate regard for the memory of our fore- 
 fathers is natural to the heart ; it is an emotion totally dis- 
 tinct from pride : an ideal love free from that conscious- 
 ness of requited affection and reciprocal esteem which 
 constitutes so much of the satisfaction we derive from the 
 love of the living. They are denied, it is true, to our 
 personal acquaintance, but the light they shed during 
 their lives survives within their tombs, and will reward 
 our search if we explore them. If the virtues of strangers 
 be so attractive to us, how infinitely more so should be 
 those of our own kindred, and with what additional energy 
 should the precepts of our parents influence us, when we 
 trace the transmission of those precepts from father to son 
 through successive generations, each bearing the testi- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 31 
 
 mony of a virtuous, useful, and honourable life to their 
 truth and influence ; and all uniting in a kind and earnest 
 exhortation to their descendants so to live on earth that 
 (followers of Him through Whose grace alone we have 
 power to obey Him) we may at last be re-united with 
 those who have been before, and those who shall come 
 after us. 
 
 No wanderer lost — 
 
 A family in heaven. — Lord Lindsay. 
 
 Satirical writers and talkers are not half so clever as 
 they think themselves, nor as they are thought to be. 
 They do winnow the corn, 'tis true, but 'tis to feed upon 
 the chaff. It is much easier for an ill-natured than for a 
 good-natured man to be witty, but the most gifted men 
 that I have known have been the least addicted to depre- 
 ciate either friends or foes. Dr. Johnson, Burke and 
 Fox, were always more inclined to over-rate them. Your 
 shrewd, sly, wit-speaking fellow is generally a shallow 
 personage, and frequently he is as venomous and as false 
 when he flatters, as when he reviles — he seldom praises 
 John but to vex Thomas. Do not, pray do not, " sit in 
 the seat of the scorner." Are these poor heartless 
 creatures to be envied ? Can you think that the Due de 
 Richelieu was a happier man than Fenelon ? or Dean 
 Swift than Bishop Berkeley ? — Sharp's Essays, p. 53. 
 
 To swearers : Is there a God to swear by, and is there 
 none in whom to believe, none to whom to pray ? 
 
 Bishop Butler observes that virtue itself became more 
 
32 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 beautiful from Fenelon's manner of being virtuous. 
 Virtue is not to be considered in the light of mere 
 innocence, or abstaining from harm, but as the exertion 
 of our faculties in doing good ; as Titus, when he had 
 let a day slip undistinguished by some act of virtue, 
 cried out, " I have lost a day !" If we regard our time 
 in this light, how many days shall we look back upon as 
 irretrievably lost ? 
 
 Sidney Smith said of Sir James Mackintosh : Till 
 subdued by age and illness, his conversation was more 
 brilliant and instructive than that of any human being I 
 ever had the good fortune to be acquainted with. His 
 memory — vast and prodigious as it was — he so managed 
 as to make it a source of pleasure and instruction, rather 
 than that dreadful engine of colloquial oppression into 
 which it is sometimes erected. 
 
 Men almost invariably estimate most what they acquire 
 w 7 ith difficulty, and therefore no persons are more apt to 
 be undervalued than those in whom is apparent an 
 obvious and extreme desire to please. People who are 
 inaccessible at first, men become proud of at length con- 
 ciliating ; but when the victory is gained at once, all the 
 suspense and effort are over ; therefore a man looks about, 
 as it were, for new worlds to conquer. As men always 
 over-estimate the advantages of whatever they have not, 
 but see only the disadvantages of what they already pos- 
 sess, so the good- will or intimacy of those who are gained 
 at once ceases to be duly appreciated; and as a man 
 finds less excitement in the intercourse of his own family, 
 of whose affection he is sure, than in associating with 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 33 
 
 strangers, with whom it is an enterprise to gain an inti- 
 macy, so those strangers of whom he feels at once secure 
 are like a city without a garrison, which there is neither 
 glory nor interest in gaining, which has capitulated at 
 once, and which has neither the habitual comfort of a 
 home, nor the value of having been acquired with effort 
 and kept by exertion. 
 
 Madame de Pompadour became before her death a victim 
 of ennui and disgust at the world. The objects for which 
 she had sacrificed honour and virtue in the Court of 
 Louis XV. of France had lost their charms, and one of her 
 last letters describes her abject wretchedness, " What a 
 situation is that of the great \" she says. " They only live 
 in the future, and are only happy in hope. There is no 
 peace in ambition. I am always gloomy, and often so 
 unreasonably. The kindness of the King, the regards of 
 courtiers, the attachment of my domestics, and the fidelity 
 of a large number of friends — motives like these, which 
 ought to make me happy, affect me no longer. I have no 
 longer inclination for all which once pleased me. I have 
 caused my house at Paris to be magnificently furnished ; 
 well! that pleased me for two days. My residence at 
 Belle vue is charming, and I alone cannot endure it. 
 Benevolent people relate to me all the news and adven- 
 tures of Paris ; they think I listen, but when they have 
 done I ask them what they said. In a word, I do not 
 live : I am dead before mv time. I have no interest in 
 the world. Everything conspires to embitter my life. 
 My life is a continued death \" Oppressed by such feel- 
 ings, Madame de Pompadour died probably of a broken 
 heart ; and so indifferent had the King become to her, 
 
 c3 
 
34 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 that on the day of her funeral he was walking on the 
 terrace at Versailles, and thinking, as he took out his 
 watch, that it was the moment for the interment of her 
 whom he had once professed to love, he said with great 
 unconcern, " The Countess will have a fine day \" — Life's 
 Last Hours. 
 
 Robert Hall, hearing some worldly-minded persons 
 object to family prayer, as "taking up too much time/' said 
 that " what may seem a loss, will be more than compen- 
 sated by that spirit of order and regularity which the 
 stated observance of this duty tends to produce. It serves 
 as an edge and border, to preserve the web of life from 
 unravelling." 
 
 True hope is based on energy of character. A strong- 
 mind always hopes, because it knows the mutability of 
 human affairs, and how slight a circumstance may change 
 the whole course of events. Such a spirit, too, rests upon 
 itself; it is not confined to partial views, or one particular 
 object. The world is divided into two classes — those that 
 hope the best, and those that fear the worst. The former 
 is the wiser, the nobler, and the most pious principle. 
 Never meet fear half way. — Sivift. 
 
 John Newton was a copious writer of letters. They 
 were pious, wise and affectionate, and flowed freely out 
 from the depths which much self-knowledge and much 
 study had opened in his mind. But the language of 
 Newton's heart became, in his own lifetime, one of the 
 embellishments of the windows of Paternoster Row ! 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORTSMS. 35 
 
 Romance and poetry have beautifully said and fondly 
 sung much of friendship, the balm of life. It is, how- 
 ever, a balm which loses much of its virtue if rubbed in 
 with a rough hand. However unquestionable a blessing 
 in itself, it may, by such management, be rendered a no 
 less unequivocal discipline. Such, probably, was the 
 judgment of Newton's correspondents, when they found 
 his letters to them advertised in the newspapers ! Such, 
 also, was apparently the judgment of the most illustrious 
 of his friends, William Cowper. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Fifty years ago, the Captain of an East Indiaman — a 
 keen, shrewd Scotchman — when any of his passengers 
 related something bordering on the marvellous, was in 
 the habit of stopping the narrator short, exclaiming : 
 " Show me the book ! I won't believe it unless I see it in 
 print \" If being in " the book" were the test of truth 
 now-a-days, even the old Captain would have quite 
 enough to believe. — Quarterly Revieiv. 
 
 Robert Hall was easy and playful in his conversation 
 with such persons as had the privilege of his friendship, 
 affecting amongst them no extraordinary gravity ; and 
 became on one occasion rebuked by a fellow-preacher of 
 some charity- sermons for the vivacity of his remarks, who 
 said : 
 
 " Brother Hall ! I am surprised at you, so frivolous, 
 after delivering so serious a discourse \' } 
 
 u Brother 1" was the retort, " I keep my non- 
 sense for the fireside, while you publish yours from the 
 pulpit !" 
 
36 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The experience of all history has shown that the grati- 
 fication arising from the exercise of the purely intellectual 
 faculties is especially apt to be postponed to almost every 
 other, and in its higher degrees to have been as unappre- 
 ciated by the many, as it has been rarely enjoyed by the 
 few who are susceptible of them. The mass of mankind, 
 too happy in a respite from severe toil and bitter conten- 
 tion, are well content with easy pleasures, which cost 
 them little exertion to procure and none to enjoy. To 
 the poor and over- wrought, a mere oblivion of care and 
 pain ; to the rich and refined, luxurious ease and pleasing 
 objects and emotions, presented in rapid succession, and 
 received and enjoyed without effort — offer a paradise 
 beyond which their wishes hardly care to roam, The 
 most robust and vigorous constitutions only, whether of 
 mind or body, find a charm in the ardour of pursuit, and 
 feel that inward prompting which excites them to follow 
 out great or distant objects in defiance of difficulties. 
 Even these, for the most part, require the stimulus of 
 external sympathy and applause to cheer them on in their 
 career ; and great indeed, and nobly self-dependent, must 
 that mind be which, unrepressed by difficulty, unbroken 
 by labour, and unexcited by applause, can find in the 
 working out of a useful purpose, or in the prosecution of 
 an arduous research, attractions which will lead him to 
 face, endure, and overcome the one, and to dispense with 
 or despise the other. The sympathies of mankind, how- 
 ever, have rarely been accorded to purely intellectual 
 struggles. Men seldom applaud what they do not in 
 some considerable degree comprehend. The deductions 
 of reason require for the most part no small contention of 
 mind to be understood when first propounded, and if their 
 objects lie remote from vulgar apprehension, and their 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 37 
 
 bearing on immediate interests be but slender, the proba- 
 bility is equally so that they will experience any other 
 reception than neglect. And thus it has happened that, 
 in so many cases, the impulse of intellectual activity, even 
 when given, has failed of propagation. The ball has not 
 been caught up at the rebound, and urged forward by 
 emulous hands. The march of progress, in place of 
 quickening to a race, has halted in tardy and intermitted 
 steps, and soon ceased altogether. — -Quarterly Review. 
 
 The Hindoos say of a bad government, that it is like a 
 man attempting to walk on his head and think with his 
 feet. 
 
 Epitaph by Canning on his son, who died aged nine- 
 teen ; inscribed in the parish church of Kensington : 
 Tho' short thy span, God's unimpeach'd decrees, 
 Which made that shortened span one long disease, 
 Yet, merciful in chastening, gave thee scope 
 For mild redeeming virtues, faith and hope, 
 
 Meek resignation, pious charity ; 
 
 And since this world was not the world for thee, 
 Far from thy path removed, with partial care, 
 Strife, glory, gain, and pleasure's flowery snare, 
 Bade earth's temptations pass thee harmless by, 
 And fixed on heaven thine unreverted eye. 
 O ! marked from birth, and nurtured for the skies, 
 In youth with more than learning's wisdom wise, 
 As sainted martyrs, patient to endure, 
 Simple as unweaned infancy, and pure ; 
 Pure from all stain, save that of human clay, 
 Which Christ's atoning blood hath wash'd away. 
 By mortal sufferings now no more oppress'd, 
 Mount, sinless spirit, to thy destined rest ; 
 While I, reversed our nature's kindlier doom, 
 Pour forth a father's sorrows on thy tomb. 
 
38 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Dr. Johnson made three dying requests to his friend 
 Sir Joshua Reynolds. First : That he would forgive him 
 thirty pounds which he owed him. Second : That he would 
 read the Bible, and Thirdly : That he would never paint 
 on a Sunday. 
 
 If ever philanthropy burned in the human heart with a 
 pure and intense flame, embracing the whole family of 
 man in the spirit of universal charity, it was in the heart 
 of George Whitfield. He loved the world that hated him. 
 He had no preferences but in favour of the ignorant, the 
 miserable, and the poor. In their cause he shrunk from 
 no privation, and declined neither insult nor hostility. 
 To such wrongs he opposed the weapons of an all-enduring 
 meekness, and a love which would not be repulsed. The 
 springs of his benevolence were inexhaustible, and could 
 not choose but flow. His exertions, if not attested by 
 irrefragable proofs, might appear incredible and fabulous. 
 In the compass of a single week, and that for years, he 
 spoke in general forty hours, and in very many sixty, and 
 that to thousands ; and after his labours, instead of taking 
 any rest, he was engaged in offering up prayers and inter- 
 cessions, with hymns and spiritual songs, as his manner 
 was in every house to which he was invited. Never was 
 mortal man gifted with such an incapacity of fatiguing or 
 of being fatigued. He fascinated the attention of hearers 
 of every rank of life, and of every variety of understanding. 
 Not only were the loom, the forge, the plough, the collieries, 
 and the workshops deserted at his approach, but the spell 
 was acknowledged by Hume and Franklin — by Pulteney, 
 Bolingbroke, and Chesterfield — by maids of honour, and 
 lords of the bedchamber. Such indeed was its force, that 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 39 
 
 when the scandal could be concealed behind a well-adjusted 
 curtain, "e'en mitred auditors" would nod the head. 
 His own ardent and sincere exclamation, however was, 
 " Let the name of George Whitfield perish, if God be 
 glorified." His thirty or forty thousand sermons were 
 but so many variations on two key-notes. Man is guilty, 
 and may obtain forgiveness; he is immortal, and must 
 ripen here for endless weal or woe hereafter. Let who 
 would invoke poetry to embellish the Christian system, 
 or philosophy to penetrate its depths, from his lips it w T as 
 delivered as an awful and urgent summons to repent, to 
 believe, and to obey. — Sir J. Stephen's Ecclesiastical 
 Biography. 
 
 To act with common sense, according to the moment, is 
 the best wisdom I know ; and the best philosophy, to do 
 one's duties, take the world as it comes, submit respect- 
 fully to one*s lot, bless the goodness that has given us so 
 much happiness with it, whatever it is, and despise affec- 
 tation. — Horace Walpole. 
 
 A Christian may on a fine day, and amidst the glorious 
 scenery of nature, often elevate his hopes respecting the 
 enjoyments of a future state by thinking — If this beautiful 
 world be our prison, what shall our home be ? 
 
 He who diffuses the most happiness, and mitigates the 
 most distress within his own circle, is undoubtedly the best 
 friend to his country and to the world, since nothing more 
 is necessary than for all men to imitate his conduct, to 
 make the greatest part of the misery of the world cease in 
 
40 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 a moment. While the passion then of some is to shine, 
 of some to govern, and of others to accumulate, let one 
 great passion alone inflame our breasts, the passion which 
 reason ratifies, which conscience approves, which heaven 
 inspires — that of being and of doing good. — Robert Hall. 
 
 Those whose fortune it is to possess land and rank in 
 this country, cannot be too often, or too earnestly reminded 
 of the fact, that the possession of such advantages consti- 
 tutes, in every case whatever, a retaining fee on the part 
 of the nation. Neither God, nor nature, nor society, 
 contemplates the existence of an idler, as that which ought 
 to be. The country gentleman, the peer, and the prince, 
 have their professions fixed on them — let them surrender 
 the fee if they mean to shrink from the work — let the 
 sinecure be a sine-salary. The mighty majority must, in 
 all times and places, earn their living literally by the 
 sweat of their brow, and the only principle on which any 
 are exempted from the literal application of the great 
 primary condition of our human existence is, that there 
 are services essential to the intellectual, moral, political, 
 and religious well-being and advancement of the whole, as 
 a whole, which could not be effectually secured for them, 
 were not some so exempted. The question is not whether 
 a great man could afford services of plate, and regiments 
 of footmen, but whether any man is entitled to consume 
 the produce of the English soil, without discharging the 
 duties which his station imposes on him to the English 
 people. The Emperor Alexander said once : " The man 
 within whose reach Heaven has placed the greatest mate- 
 rials for making life happy, is an English country 
 gentleman." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 41 
 
 He who is unwilling to receive as well as to give, has 
 learned but the half of friendship. 
 
 Whatever strengthens our local attachments is favour- 
 able both to individual and national character. Our home 
 — our birthplace — our native land, think, for a while, 
 what the virtues are which arise out of the feelings con- 
 nected with these words, and if you have any intellectual 
 eyes, you will then perceive the connexion between topog- 
 raphy and patriotism. Show me a man who cares no 
 more for one place than another, and I will show you in 
 that same person one who loves nothing but himself. 
 Beware of those who are homeless by choice ! You have 
 no hold on a human being whose affections are without a 
 tap-root. The laws recognise this truth in the privileges 
 which they confer upon freeholders ; and public opinion 
 acknowledges it also, in the confidence which it reposes 
 upon those who have, what is called, a stake in the country. 
 Vagabond and rogue are convertible terms, and with how 
 much propriety any one may understand, who knows 
 what are the habits of the wandering classes, such as 
 gipsies, tinkers, and potters. — The Doctor, vol. ii, p. 17. 
 
 Hannah More said to Horace Walpole : " If I wanted 
 to punish an enemy, it should be by fastening on him the 
 trouble of constantly hating somebody." 
 
 The difference between desultory reading and a course 
 of study may be aptly illustrated by comparing the former 
 to a number of mirrors set in a straight line, so that 
 every one reflects a different object ; and the latter to the 
 
42 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 same mirrors so skilfully arranged, as to perpetuate one 
 set of objects in an endless series of reflections. — Guesses 
 at Truth. 
 
 The appearance of religion only on Sundays, proves 
 that it is only an appearance. — J. Adam. 
 
 It is not by the rapture of feelings, and by the luxu- 
 riance of thought, and by the warmth of those desires 
 which descriptions of heaven may stir up within us, 
 that I can prove myself predestined to a glorious in- 
 heritance. If I would find out what is hidden, I must 
 follow what is revealed. The way to heaven is dis- 
 closed ; am I walking in that way ? It would be a poor 
 proof that I were on my voyage to India; that with 
 glowing eloquence and thrilling poetry, I could discourse 
 on the palm-groves and spice-isles of the East. Am I on 
 the waters ? Is the sail hoisted to the wind ? and does 
 the land of my birth look blue and faint in the distance ? 
 The doctrine of election may have done harm to many, 
 but only because they have fancied themselves elected to 
 the end, and have forgotten that those whom Scripture 
 calls elected are elected to the means. The Bible never 
 speaks of men as elected to be saved from the shipwreck, 
 but only as elected to tighten the ropes, and hmst the 
 sails, and stand to the rudder. Let a man search faith- 
 fully ; let him see that when Scripture describes Christians 
 as elected, it is as elected to faith, as elected so sanctifica- 
 tion, as elected to obedience ; and the doctrine of election 
 will be nothing but a stimulus to effort. It cannot act as 
 a soporific. I shall cut away the boat, and let drive all 
 human devices, and gird myself, amid the fierceness of 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 43 
 
 the tempest, to steer the shattered vessel into port. — 
 Rev. H. MelvilL 
 
 A father inquires whether his boy can construe Homer, 
 if he understands Horace, and can taste Virgil ; but how 
 seldom does he ask, or examine, or think, whether he can 
 restrain his passions; whether he is grateful, generous, 
 humane, compassionate, just, and benevolent. — Lady 
 Hervey's Letters. 
 
 The respectability of good health ! It is seldom suffi- 
 ciently considered how much approbation is due to any 
 man who continues to an advanced age in the enjoy- 
 ment of that health which others so recklessly squander 
 in vicious or sensual indulgence. No one who attains 
 to old age in a sound state of body and mind, can have 
 gone into the same vicious dissipation by which we see 
 that others, in the very entrance to life, have shipwrecked 
 their constitutions. No rules are without exception ; but 
 though many from nature, or by inheritance, have feeble 
 constitutions and early sufferings, yet among those who 
 attain to a vigorous maturity and a green old age, 
 probably none have been habitually addicted to any 
 excesses. 
 
 Used with due abstinence, Hope acts as a healthful 
 tonic; intemperately indulged, as an enervating opiate. 
 The visions of future triumph, which at first animate 
 exertion, if dwelt upon too intently, will usurp the place 
 of the stern reality; and noble objects will be contem- 
 plated, not for their own inherent worth, but on account 
 
44 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 of the day-dreams they engender. Thus Hope, aided by 
 Imagination, makes one man a hero, another a somnam- 
 bulist, and a third a lunatic ; while it renders them all 
 enthusiasts. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 It is a deplorable righteousness that cannot bear with 
 others, because it finds them wicked, and which thinks 
 only of seeking the solitude of the desert, instead of 
 doing them good by long-suffering, prayer, and example. 
 If thou art the lily and the rose of Christ, know that thy 
 dwelling-place is among thorns; only take care lest, by 
 thy impatience, by thy rash judgments, and thy secret 
 pride, thou dost not thyself become a thorn. Christ 
 reigns in the midst of His enemies. If He had desired 
 to live only among the good, and to die for those only 
 who loved Him, for whom, I pray, would He have died, 
 and among whom would He have lived ? — Luther. 
 
 Man is excelled by many animals in strength and swift- 
 ness, and he is not endowed, like most of them, with any 
 weapon of defence ; yet reason is that gift of God which 
 enabled him to hold dominion over every living creature, 
 and how carefully should that distinction be prized and 
 cultivated ! Man must, at the Creation, have been made 
 an adult at once ; for if he had been an infant, he must 
 have helplessly perished. 
 
 A curious specimen of cotemporary criticism is found 
 in the Letters of the celebrated Waller, who speaks thus 
 of the first appearance of " Paradise Lost : w " The old 
 blind schoolmaster, John Milton, hath published a tedious 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 45 
 
 poem on the Fall of Man. If its length be not con- 
 sidered as merit, it has no other !" Johnson also says, 
 in his " Lives of the Poets :" " Thomson has lately pub- 
 lished a poem, called the e Castle of Indolence/ in which 
 there are some good stanzas V* Why do not men of 
 superior talents strive, for the honour of the arts which 
 they love, to conceal their ignoble jealousies from the 
 malignity of those whom incapacity and mortified pride 
 have leagued together as the covenanted foes of worth 
 and genius ? What a triumph has been furnished to the 
 writers who delight in levelling all the proud distinctions 
 of humanity ! and what a stain has been left on some of 
 the fairest pages of our literary history by the irritable 
 passions and petty hostilities of Pope and of Addison ! 
 — Dugald Stewart's Essays, p. 495. 
 
 A view into a square, or into the Parks, may be cheer- 
 ful and beautiful, but it wants appropriation ; it wants 
 that charm which only belongs to ownership ; the exclu- 
 sive right of enjoyment, wdth the power of refusing that 
 others should share our pleasure; and however painful 
 the reflection, this propensity is part of human nature. 
 It is so prevalent, that in my various intercourse with 
 proprietors of land, I have rarely met with those who 
 agreed with me in preferring the sight of mankind to that 
 of herds of cattle; or the moving objects in a public road 
 to the dull monotony of lawns and woods. The most 
 romantic spot, the most picturesque situations, and the 
 most delightful assemblage of nature's choicest materials, 
 will not long engage our interest, without some appro- 
 priation — something we can call our own; and if not our 
 own property, at least it may be endeared to us by call- 
 
46 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ing it our own home. — Repton on Landscape Gardening, 
 p. 235. 
 
 The perfection of Christ's example it is easier to under- 
 stand than to imitate ; and yet it is not to be understood 
 without serious and deep meditation on the particulars of 
 His history. Pure and disinterested in its motives, the 
 love of Christ has solely for its end the happiness of those 
 who were the objects of it. An equal sharer with the 
 Almighty Father in the happiness and glory of the God- 
 head, the Redeemer had no proper interest in the fate of 
 fallen man. Infinite in its comprehension, His love em- 
 braced His enemies ; intense in its energy, it incited Him 
 to assume a frail and mortal nature, to undergo contempt 
 and death ; constant in its operations, in the paroxysm 
 of an agony, the sharpest the human mind was ever known 
 to sustain, it maintained its vigour unimpaired. In the 
 whole business of man's redemption, wonderful in all its 
 parts — -in its beginning, its progress, and its completion — 
 the most wonderful part of all is the character of Christ. 
 This character, in which piety and benevolence, on all 
 occasions, and in all circumstances, overpowered all the 
 inferior passions, is more incomprehensible to the natural 
 reason of carnal man, than the deepest mysteries, more 
 improbable than the greatest miracles ; of all the particu- 
 lars of the Gospel history, the most trying to the evil heart 
 of unbelief ; the very last thing, I am persuaded, that a 
 ripened faith receives; but of all things the most im- 
 portant, and the most necessary to be well understood 
 and firmly believed : the most efficacious for the softening 
 of the sinner's heart, for quelling the pride of human 
 wisdom, and for bringing every thought and imagination 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 47 
 
 of the soul into subjection to the righteousness of God. — 
 Bishop Horsley's Sermons, vol. i, p. 270. 
 
 It has been said that a wise inan miserable, is more miserable 
 than a fool ; miserable, because he understands his misery. 
 So our Saviour's pangs were aggravated by the fulness of 
 His knowledge. He saw our everlasting destruction, if 
 He suffered not ; He saw the horrors which He must 
 suffer to ransom us. Hence those groans, tears, and 
 cries ; yet His love conquered all. By nature, He could 
 willingly have avoided this cup ; but, for love's sake to 
 us, He took it in a willing hand. So had He purposed, 
 and so hath He performed; and all to testify His love. — 
 Adams. 
 
 He was justly accounted a skilful poisoner who de- 
 stroyed his victims by bouquets of lovely and fragrant 
 flowers. The art has not been lost ; nay, it is practised 
 every day by the world. — Bishop Latimer. 
 
 The style of Dr. Chalmers' writing partakes of the 
 character of his mind. It is copious and overflowing ; 
 cumbrous, perhaps, at times, for the more minute detail 
 of a subject ; but the phraseology (though occasionally 
 somewhat eccentric) is often powerful and beautiful in the 
 highest degree. It is impossible to illustrate these pecu- 
 liarities without examples. I shall only select a few. Thus, 
 to express the quick passage of time : u Time, with its 
 mighty strides, will soon reach a future generation, and 
 leave the present in death and in forgetfulness behind it." 
 To express that the world occupies our thoughts : " Its 
 cares and its interests are plying us every hour with their 
 
48 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 urgency." A man of shallow views in religion is a " man 
 whose threadbare orthodoxy is made up of meagre and 
 unfruitful positions." The external marks of piety : "a 
 beauty of holiness, which effloresces on the countenance, 
 and the manner, and the outward path." To say that 
 the repentance of a sinner interests the angels, is thus 
 worded : " His repentance would, at this moment, send 
 forth a wave of delighted sensibility throughout the 
 mighty throng of their innumerable legions." Persons 
 who take their opinions from a partial adoption of Scrip- 
 ture truth, are persons who "retiring within the en- 
 trenchment of a few verses of the Bible, will defy all the 
 truth, and all the thunder of its warning denunciation." — 
 Dean Ramsay's Biographical Notice of the late Dr. Chal- 
 mers ; read before the Royal Society, Edinburgh. 
 
 When Bishop Hough visited Archbishop Sancroft after 
 his retirement to Suffolk, he was discovered working in 
 his garden, and immediately said to his visitor : " Almost 
 all you see is the work of my own hands, though I am 
 bordering upon eighty years of age. My old woman 
 does the weeding, and John mows the turf and digs 
 for me; but all the nicer work — the sowing, grafting, 
 budding, transplanting, and the like — I trust to no other 
 hand but my own — so long at least as my health will allow 
 me to enjoy so pleasing an occupation ; and in good sooth, 
 the fruits here taste more sweet, and the flowers have a 
 richer perfume than they had at Lambeth." 
 
 Of all actions of a man's life, his marriage does least 
 concern other people, yet of all actions of his life it is 
 most meddled with by other people. — Selden. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 49 
 
 Perhaps Dr. Johnson never composed anything so truly 
 excellent as his prayer against inquisitive and perplexing 
 thoughts. Bos well has justly said : " It is so wise and 
 energetic, so philosophical and so pious, that I doubt not 
 of its affording consolation to many a sincere Christian, 
 when in a state of mind to which, I believe, the best are 
 sometimes liable." We insert it here, in the sure ex- 
 pectation, that it will reach some heart which needs it. 
 
 " Lord, my Maker and Protector, who hast gra- 
 ciously sent me into this world to work out my salvation, 
 enable me to drive from me all such unquiet and per- 
 plexing thoughts as may mislead or hinder me in the 
 practice of those duties which Thou hast required. When 
 I behold the works of thy hands, give me grace always to 
 remember that thy thoughts are not my thoughts, nor 
 thy ways my ways. And while it shall please Thee to 
 continue me in this world, where much is to be done 
 and little to be known, teach me by thy Holy Spirit, to 
 withdraw my mind from unprofitable and dangerous 
 inquiries ; from difficulties vainly curious : and doubts 
 impossible to be solved. Let me rejoice in the light which 
 Thou hast imparted ; let me serve Thee with active 
 zeal and humble confidence ; and wait with patient expec- 
 tation for the time in which the soul, which Thou 
 receivest, shall be satisfied with knowledge. Grant this, 
 Lord, for Jesus Christ's sake. Amen.'" 
 
 Youth is not the age of pleasure, we then expect too much, 
 and we are therefore exposed to daily disappointments and 
 mortifications. When we are a little older, and have brought 
 down our wishes to our experience, then we become calm 
 and begin to enjoy ourselves. — Lord Liverpool. 
 
50 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When Hannah More visited Mrs. Garriek on the death 
 of her husband and expressed some surprise at the afflicted 
 widow's composure, she answered : " Groans and com- 
 plaints are very well for those who are to mourn for 
 a little while, but a sorrow that is to last for life, will not 
 be violent and romantic." 
 
 Even before Shenstone had involved his affairs, and the 
 dun came to his door, he was an unhappy man. " I have 
 lost my road to happiness," we find him saying ere he 
 had completed his thirty-fourth birthday. Nay, we find 
 him quite, aware of the turning at which he had gone 
 wrong. " Instead of pursuing the way to the fine lawns 
 and venerable oaks which distinguish the regions of 
 happiness, I am got into the pitiful parterr?- garden of 
 amusement and view the noble scenes at a distance. I 
 think I can see the road, too, that leads the better way, 
 and can show it to others ; but I have got many miles to 
 measure back before I get into it myself, and no kind of 
 resolution to take a single step. . . . Every little uneasi- 
 ness is sufficient to introduce a whole train of melancholy 
 considerations, and to make me utterly dissatisfied with 
 the life I now lead, and the life which I foresee I shall 
 lead. I am angry, and envious, and dejected, and frantic, 
 and disregard all present things, just as becomes a mad- 
 man to do. I am infinitely pleased, though it is a 
 gloomy joy, with the application of Dr. Swift's complaint, 
 c that he is forced to die in a rage, like a poisoned rat in 
 a hole.' .... Amusement becomes not very amusing 
 when rendered the exclusive business of one's life. All 
 that seems necessary to render fallen Adams thoroughly 
 miserable, is just to place them in Paradises, and, de- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 51 
 
 barring tliem serious occupation, to give them full per- 
 mission to make themselves as happy as they can." Well 
 would it have been for poor Shenstone had the angel of 
 stern necessity driven him early in the day out of his 
 Paradise, and sent him into the work-day world beyond, 
 to eat bread in the sweat of his brow ! I quitted the 
 Leasowes, in no degree saddened by the consideration 
 that I had been a hard-working man all my life, from 
 boyhood till now, and that the future, in this respect, 
 held out to me no brighter prospect. — Miller's Im- 
 pressions of England, p. 171. 
 
 Robert Hall has given a good definition of fanaticism, 
 as being such an overwhelming impression of the ideas 
 relating to fihe future world as disqualifies for the duties 
 of life. 
 
 The observance of hospitality, even towards an enemy, 
 is inculcated by a Hindu author, with great elegance. 
 " The sandal tree imparts its fragrance even to the axe 
 that hews it V* 
 
 Few politicians, with all their schemes, are half so 
 useful members of a commonwealth as an honest farmer, 
 who, by skilfully draining, fencing, manuring, and plant- 
 ing, has increased the intrinsic value of a piece of land, 
 and thereby done a perpetual service to his country. — 
 Swift. 
 
 Erskine's sensitiveness in debate was so morbidly acute, 
 that the least mark of indifference to his oratory put him 
 
 d2 
 
52 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 completely out, and it is alleged in Westminster Hall 
 that a decided advantage was obtained over him by an 
 antagonist, who caused an attorney, famous for yawning, 
 to be placed between the advocate and the jury-box. By 
 a perfect pantomime in debate, Pitt managed completely 
 to disconcert Erskine during his debut in Parliament. 
 On Erskine rising to address the House, Pitt placed 
 himself in a listening attitude, and took up his pen as if 
 with the intention of taking notes ; but as the speech 
 proceeded, he gradually assumed a look of the most com- 
 plete indifference, and at length — at the very moment 
 w r hen Erskine was personally appealing to him, and their 
 eyes met — he leant forward with a marked gesture of 
 impatience, and flung the pen contemptuously aside. 
 Erskine was seen to falter, and huddled up the conclusion 
 of his speech. Pitt followed, and completed his discomfi- 
 ture by disposing of the entire oration in a parenthesis : 
 " I rise to reply to the Right Honourable Member (Mr. 
 Eox) who opened this discussion. As to the gentleman 
 who spoke last, he really has done no more than regularly 
 repeat what fell from the gentleman who preceded him, 
 and as regularly weakened what he repeated V } 
 
 Sidney Smith said there were three things which every 
 man fancied he could do — farm a small property, drive a 
 gig, and write an article for a review. 
 
 Leyden having had a quarrel with the author of " The 
 Pleasures of Hope/' once said to Sir Walter Scott : 
 
 " You may tell Campbell that I hate him, but that he 
 has written the best poetry that has been written for fifty 
 years." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 53 
 
 Scott conveyed the message with fidelity, and Campbell 
 replied : 
 
 " Tell Leyden that I detest him, but know the value of 
 his critical approbation." 
 
 The road to home happiness lies over small stepping- 
 stones. Slight circumstances are the stumbling-blocks of 
 families. The prick of a pin, says the proverb, is enough 
 to make an empire insipid. The tenderer the feelings, the 
 painfuller the wound. A cold, unkind word checks and 
 withers the blossom of the dearest love, as the most deli- 
 cate rings of the vine are troubled by the faintest breeze. 
 The misery of a life is born of a chance observation. If 
 the true history of quarrels, public and private, were 
 honestly written, it would be silenced with an uproar of 
 derision. The retainers of a Norman monastery fought 
 and hated one another, during a hundred and forty years, 
 for the right of hunting rabbits. — Summer Time in the 
 Country. 
 
 The late Dr. Cheyne, Physician- General to the Forces 
 in Ireland, when he died in 1836, left some very interest- 
 ing directions for his interment, of which the following is 
 a curious extract : 
 
 " Let not my family mourn for one whose trust is in 
 Jesus. By respectful and tender care of their mother, by 
 mutual affection, and by irreproachable conduct, my chil- 
 dren will best show their regard for my memory." 
 
 The following inscription, to be engraven about seven 
 or eight feet high, of hard, undecomposing stone, as a 
 monument for the benefit of the living, and not in honour 
 of the dead : 
 
54 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ■" Reader ! the name, profession, and age of him whose 
 body lies beneath are of little importance ; but it may be 
 of great importance to you to know that, by the grace of 
 God, he was led to look to the Lord Jesus as the only 
 Saviour of sinners, and that this " looking unto Jesus" 
 gave peace to his soul. 
 
 " Reader ! pray to God that you may be instructed in 
 the Gospel ; and be assured that God will give his Holy 
 Spirit, the only teacher of true wisdom, to them that ask 
 him." 
 
 The initials only were added — J. C. 
 
 Ignatius said, in the immediate prospect of his own 
 dreadful martyrdom, " I would rather die for Jesus Christ, 
 than rule to the utmost ends of the earth." 
 
 Exactly four years before he died, the American author, 
 Brockden Brown, says of himself : " There is nothing to 
 disturb my felicity but the sense of the uncertainty and 
 instability that clings to everything human. I cannot be 
 happier than I am. Every change, therefore, must be 
 for the worse ; and, in short, as to my personal situation, 
 I have nothing to wish but that it may last !" 
 
 How seldom do we accurately weigh what we have to 
 sacrifice against what we have to gain. 
 
 It is related by Franklin, that being anxious to ascer- 
 tain his own character, he wrote down a list of all the 
 virtues and graces in which a good man should excel. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 55 
 
 These he resolved to examine every morning, in order to 
 mark down daily, which he had observed or failed in him- 
 self; but after a week or two he threw the volume aside 
 in disgust, saying that the more he examined, the worse 
 he discovered himself to be. 
 
 Gauthier de Brienne, one of the early Crusaders, having 
 been taken prisoner at the battle of Gaza, was exhibited 
 by his enemies before the walls of Jaffa, where he was 
 threatened with immediate death, if the city were not 
 instantly delivered. With noble devotion to the cause of 
 Christianity, the spirited knight called at the full pitch of 
 his voice to his friends : " It is your duty to defend a 
 Christian city ; it is mine to die for you and for Jesus 
 Christ." 
 
 Dr. Chalmers declared that, during his latter years, he 
 continually felt " a desirousness after God, as one who 
 has knocked at a door which is not yet opened." 
 
 Rousseau, the most sentimental of writers, sent all his 
 own five children, as soon as they were born, to be dropped 
 at the Foundling Hospital, where he took every precaution 
 never to be discovered as their father. 
 
 When some one remarked in company that through 
 the instrumentality of the poet Pope, Warburton had been 
 made a bishop, Dr. Johnson replied: "But Warburton 
 did much more for Pope — he made him a Christian !" 
 
56 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Letter from Frederick the Great to Voltaire : 
 Of satires I think as Epictetes did : " If evil be said of 
 thee, and if it be true, correct thyself ; if it be a lie, laugh 
 at it \" By dint of time and experience I have learned 
 to be a good post-horse; I go through my appointed 
 daily stage, and I care not for the curs who bark at me 
 along the road. 
 
 Must not the conduct of a parent seem very unaccount- 
 able to a child when its inclinations are thwarted ; when 
 it is put to learn letters ; when it is obliged to swallow 
 bitter physic ; to part with what it likes, and to suffer, 
 and do, and see many things done, contrary to its own 
 judgment ? Will it not, therefore, follow from hence, by 
 a parity of reason, that the little child Man, when it takes 
 upon itself to judge of parental providence — a thing of 
 yesterday, to criticise the economy of the ancient of days 
 — will it not follow, I say, that such a judge, of such mat- 
 ters, must be apt to make very erroneous judgments 
 esteeming those things, in themselves unaccountable, 
 which he cannot account for; and concluding of some 
 things, from an appearance of arbitrary carriage towards 
 him, which is suited to his infancy and ignorance ; that 
 they are in themselves capricious or absurd, and cannot 
 proceed from a wise, just, and benevolent God. — 
 Berkeley. 
 
 In this common-place world every one is said to be 
 romantic who either admires a fine thing, or does one. — 
 Pope. 
 
 Lord Chesterfield's Letter on the Duke of Newcastle's 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 57 
 
 death : " My old kinsman and cotemporary is at last 
 dead, and for the first time quiet. He had the start of me 
 at his birth by one year and two months, and I think we 
 shall observe the same distance at our burial. I own I 
 feel for his death, not because it will be my turn next, but 
 because I knew him to be very good-natured, and his 
 hands to be extremely clean, and even too clean, if that 
 were possible ; for, after all the great offices which he had 
 held for fifty years, he died three hundred thousand pounds 
 poorer than he was when he first came into them. A 
 very unministerial proceeding \" — Chesterfield's Works, 
 vol. ii, p. 564. 
 
 Some people seem born with a head, in which the thin 
 partition that divides great wit from folly is wanting. — 
 The Doctor. 
 
 Sensibility appears to me to be neither good nor evil in 
 itself, but in its application. Under the influence of 
 Christian principle it makes saints and martyrs ; ill- 
 directed, or uncontrolled it is a snare, and the source of 
 every temptation ; besides as people cannot get it if it is 
 not given them, to descant on it seems to me as idle as to 
 recommend people to have black eyes, or fair complexions. 
 — Hannah More. 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh thinking on the way in which 
 the friendships, even of good people, die away without 
 quarrel, remarks that a very useful sermon might be 
 written on the causes and remedies of the decay of friend- 
 ship. " Thine own friend and thy father's friend forgei 
 
 d3 
 
58 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 not. The grand cause is too clear and strong a percep- 
 tion of the faults of others. The zeal for reforming these 
 faults makes the matter worse, because it is almost sure 
 of being disappointed, and the disappointment exaggerates 
 the old faults, and discovers new ones. The reformer 
 becomes disagreeable by ungrateful admonitions, and 
 begins to dislike those who will not listen to his counsel. 
 Thus friendship is insensibly dissolved, without any appa- 
 rent cause, and it is well if, in the state of alienation which 
 succeeds, each party does not seek some occasion of 
 quarrel, to deliver himself from the reproach of incon- 
 stancy, and from the constraint of keeping up appearances. 
 The remedy is to set out with a large stock of toleration, 
 and the danger of this remedy is, that the toleration may 
 degenerate into indifference. Men of mild virtue must 
 cherish the affections which happily blind them to the 
 defects of those whom they love ; men of a severer mo- 
 rality must cultivate a high sense of the becomingness 
 and dignity of constancy. — Memoirs of Sir J. Mackintosh, 
 vol. ii, p. 10. 
 
 Franklin used to relate an amusing anecdote to illus- 
 trate the sufferings of an author who consults his many 
 friends about his compositions. " When I was a young 
 man/ 5 he said, " a friend of mine, who was about to set 
 up in business for himself as a hatter, consulted all his 
 acquaintances on the important subject of his sign. The 
 one he had proposed to himself was this : c John Thom- 
 son, hatter, makes and sells hats for ready money/ with 
 the sign of a hat. The first friend whose advice he asked, 
 suggested that the word ' hatter' was entirely superfluous, 
 to which he readily agreeing, it was struck out. The 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 59 
 
 next remarked, that it was unnecessary to mention that 
 he required c ready money' for his hats ; few persons 
 wishing credit for an article of no more cost than a hat, 
 or if they did, he might sometimes find it advisable to give 
 it. These words were accordingly struck out, and the 
 sign then stood : ' John Thomson, makes and sells hats/ 
 A third friend who was consulted observed, that when a 
 man looked to buy a hat, he did not care who made it ; 
 on which two more words were struck out. On showing 
 to another the sign thus abridged to c John Thomson, sells 
 hats/ he exclaimed : c Why ! who will expect you to give 
 them away V On which cogent criticism two more words 
 were expunged, and nothing of the original sign was left 
 but c John Thomson/ with the sign of the hat." 
 
 The more we are destitute of opportunities for indulg- 
 ing our feelings, as is the case when we live in uncon- 
 genial society, the more we are apt to crisp and harden 
 our outward manner to save our real feelings from expo- 
 sure. Thus I believe that some of the most delicate- 
 minded men get to appear actually coarse, from their un- 
 successful efforts to mask their real nature ; and I have 
 known men disagreeably forward from their shyness ; but 
 I doubt whether a man does not suffer from a habit of 
 self-constraint, and whether his feelings do not become 
 really, as well as apparently chilled. It is an immense 
 blessing to be perfectly callous to ridicule, or, which comes 
 to the same thing, to be conscious, thoroughly, that what 
 we have in us of noble and delicate, is not ridiculous to 
 any but fools, and that if fools will laugh, wise men will 
 do well to let them.— Dr. Arnold, 
 
60 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Sidney Smith said of Horner, that he liked to see in 
 him a person who took a lively interest "in the daily 
 happiness of his friends." Whatever mitigates the woes 
 or increases the happiness of others, is a just criterion of 
 goodness ; and whatever injures society at large, or any 
 individual in it, is a criterion of iniquity. One should not 
 quarrel with a dog without a reason sufficient to vindicate 
 one through all the courts of morality. — Goldsmith. 
 
 It is in vain for you to expect, it is impudent for you 
 to ask, of God forgiveness, on your own behalf, if you 
 refuse to exercise this forgiving temper with respect to 
 others. — Hoadley. 
 
 The publication of private journals too often fosters, in 
 those who read them, a rank undergrowth of hypocrisy. 
 For one man who will honestly endeavour to lay bare on 
 paper the course of his life and the state of his heart, one 
 hundred will make the same attempt dishonestly, having 
 the fear or the hope of the biographer before their eyes. 
 How fluent the acknowledgment of those faults which the 
 reader will certainly regard as venial, while he admires the 
 sagacity which has detected, the humility which has con- 
 demned, and the integrity which has acknowledged them. 
 Such disclosures, whether made to the confessor or to the 
 world at large, are at best an illusion. No man has such 
 an insight into his own circumstances, motives and actions, 
 or such leisure for describing them, or such powers of 
 description, as to be able to afford to others the means of 
 estimating with any approach to accuracy, the exact merit 
 or demerit of any one of his steps (and countless are the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 61 
 
 millions of these steps), in his whole moral and religious 
 course. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 It is a pretty general opinion that no society can be so 
 bad as that of a small country town ; and certain it is that 
 such towns offer little or no choice. You must take what 
 they have, and make the best of it. But there are not 
 many persons to whom circumstances allow much latitude 
 of choice anywhere except in those public places, as they 
 are called, where the idle and the dissipated, like birds of a 
 feather, flock together. In any settled place of residence, 
 men are circumscribed by station and opportunities, and 
 just as much in the capital as in a provincial town. No 
 one will be disposed to regret this, if he observes, where 
 men have most power of choosing their society, how little 
 benefit is derived from it ; or in other words, with how 
 little wisdom it is used. 
 
 After all, the common varieties of human character will 
 be found distributed in much the same proportion every- 
 where ; and in most places there will be a sprinkling of 
 the uncommon ones. Everywhere you may find the 
 selfish and the sensual, the carking and the careful, the 
 cunning and the credulous, the worldling and the reckless. 
 But kind hearts are also everywhere to be found — right 
 intentions, sober minds, and private virtues — for the sake 
 of which let us hope that God may continue to spare this 
 hitherto highly-favoured nation, notwithstanding the 
 fearful amount of our public and manifold offences. — The 
 Doctor, vol. ii, p. 244. 
 
 Religious services are the means not the end — the road 
 to London is not London. — Hare. 
 
62 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When Howard the philanthropist found himself dying, 
 he said : " Death has no terrors for me ; it is an event I 
 always look to with cheerfulness, if not with pleasure : and 
 be assured the subject is more grateful to me than any 
 other. There is a spot near the village of Dauphiney 
 where I should like to be buried. Suffer no pomp to be 
 used at my funeral, no monument to mark the spot where 
 I am laid; but put me quietly in the earth, place a sun- 
 dial over my grave, and let me be forgotten." 
 
 During the Duke of Wellington's campaign in India, 
 his library consisted of only two volumes, ce The Bible," 
 and " Caesar's Commentaries." How appropriately selected 
 for a hero and a Christian. 
 
 Infinite toil would not enable you to sweep away a 
 mist ; but by ascending a little you may often look over 
 it altogether. So it is with our moral improvement : we 
 wrestle fiercely with a vicious habit, which could have no 
 hold upon us if we ascended into a higher moral atmo- 
 sphere. — Essays in the Intervals of Business. 
 
 One's age should be tranquil, as one's childhood should 
 be playful : hard work, at either extremity of human 
 existence, seems to me out of place ; the morning and 
 the evening should be alike cool and peaceful ; at mid- 
 day the sun may .burn, and men may labour under it. 
 (Dr. Arnold.) Probably the happiest period in life most 
 frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of 
 youth are cooled and the infirmities of age not yet begun, 
 as we see that the shadows which are at morning and 
 evening so large, almost entirely disappear at mid-day. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS, 63 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh talking of the relative ability of 
 Burke and Gibbon, said : " Gibbon might have been cut 
 out of a corner of Burke's mind without his missing it." 
 
 To all new truths, or renovation of old truths, it must 
 be as in the ark between the destroyed and the about-to- 
 be-renovated world. The raven must be sent out before 
 the dove 5 and ominous controversy must precede peace 
 and the olive-wreath — " first pure, then peaceable." — Cole- 
 ridge. 
 
 Some people use books like lords, knowing only their 
 titles, they brag of them as intimate acquaintances. 
 
 Voltaire's definition of a physician is : " An unfortu- 
 nate gentleman, expected every day to perform a miracle 
 — namely, to reconcile health with intemperance." 
 
 When we look back upon our forefathers, we seem to 
 look back npon the people of another nation, almost upon 
 creatures of another species. Their vast rambling man- 
 sions, spacious halls and painted casements, the Gothic 
 porch smothered with honeysuckles, their little gardens 
 and high walls, their box edgings, balls of holly and yew- 
 tree statues are become so entirely unfashionable now, that 
 we can hardly believe it possible that a people who 
 resembled us so little in their taste, should resemble us 
 in anything else. But in everything else, I suppose they 
 were our counterparts exactly, and time, that has sewed 
 up the slashed sleeve and reduced the large trunk-hose to 
 a neat pair of silk stockings, has left human nature just 
 
64 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 where it found us. The inside of the man at least has 
 undergone no change. His passions, appetites and aims are 
 just what they ever were. They wear perhaps a handsomer 
 disguise than they did in days of yore, for philosophy and 
 literature will have their effect upon the exterior, but 
 in every other respect a modern is only an ancient in 
 a different dress." — Coivper's Letters. 
 
 The impression we feel from the scenery of autumn 
 is accompanied with much exercise of thought; the 
 leaves then begin to drop from the trees ; the flowers and 
 shrubs, with which the fields were adorned in the summer 
 months, decay ; the woods and groves are silent ; the 
 sun himself seems gradually to withdraw his light, or 
 to become enfeebled in his power. Who is there, who, 
 at this season, does not feel his mind impressed with a 
 sentiment of melancholy? or who is able to resist that 
 current of thought, which, from such appearances of 
 decay, so naturally leads him to the solemn imagination 
 of that inevitable fate, which is to bring on alike the 
 decay of life, of empire and of nature itself. — Alison, on 
 Taste. 
 
 Let your hearts take their last farewell of false felicities, 
 wherewith they have been all of them more or less 
 detained, and kept from their true rest. ! be strong in 
 resolution ! and bid them all farewell ; for what have 
 your souls to do any longer among these gross, thick 
 and bodily things here below, that you should set your 
 love upon them, or seek happiness in them ? Your souls 
 are of a higher and purer nature : and, therefore, their 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 65 
 
 well-being must be sought in something that is higher and 
 purer than they, even in God himself. 
 
 The last words of a good old man, Mr. Grimshaw, on 
 his death-bed were these : " Here goes an unprofitable 
 servant I" 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh, speaking of what the French 
 call caractere, expressed his inability to distinguish that 
 particular quality of mind, which confers the superiority 
 over others, which is always the result of caractere. 
 Caractere does not seem necessarily to involve a supe- 
 riority of understanding, neither is it absolutely courage. 
 Men have been known to possess it who were not per- 
 sonally brave. Whatever it is, or whatever confers it, it 
 raises the man who is gifted with it by an irresistible 
 necessity to dominion and sovereignty over those who 
 have it not. We see its effects on all assemblies of men. 
 It designates a man for command with almost as much 
 certainty as birth in some countries. All feel its do- 
 minion; all, however unwillingly, pay homage to it. 
 Equals meet, but the equality lasts no longer than till 
 the man de caractere makes his appearance. — Memoir, 
 vol. i, p. 174. 
 
 John Valdesso was a Spaniard, and was for his learning 
 and virtue much valued and loved by the great Emperor 
 Charles V., whom Valdesso had followed as a cavalier, all 
 the time of his long and dangerous wars. And, when 
 Valdesso grew old, and grew weary both of war and the 
 world, he took his fair opportunity to declare to the 
 
66 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Emperor, that his resolution was to decline his Majesty's 
 service, and betake himself to a quiet and contemplative 
 life ; " because/' said he, " there ought to be a vacancy of 
 time betwixt fighting and dying/' — Wordsworth's EccL 
 Biog.,\v, 547. 
 
 As anciently, God fed his servant Elias, sometimes by 
 an angel, sometimes by a woman, sometimes by ravens, so 
 doth he make all persons, whether good, bad, or indif- 
 ferent, supply his people with that instruction, which is 
 the aliment of virtue, and of souls ; and makes them, and 
 their examples, contribute to the verification of that passage 
 of St. Paul, where he says, that all things co-operate for 
 good, to them that love God. — Robert Boyle. 
 
 When Vespasian asked Apollonius to what he could 
 attribute the fall of Nero, his answer was, " Nero could 
 touch and tune the harp well ; but in government, some- 
 times he used to wind the pins too high ; sometimes to let 
 them down too low; and certain it is, that nothing 
 destroys authority so much, as the unequal and untimely 
 interchange of power, pressed too far, and relaxed too 
 much."— -Bacon, Essay xix. 
 
 " John Selden was/' says Lord Clarendon, u a person 
 whom no character can flatter, or transmit in any expres- 
 sions equal to his merit. He was of such stupendous 
 learning, a man would have thought he had been entirely 
 conversant among books, and had never spent an hour but 
 in reading and writing, yet his courtesy was such, that he 
 would have been thought to have been bred in the best 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 67 
 
 of courts. Towards the close of life, lie began to see the 
 emptiness of mere human learning; and owned that, 
 out of the numberless volumes which he had read and 
 digested, nothing stuck so close to his heart, or gave him 
 such solid satisfaction, as a single passage out of St. 
 Paul's Epistle to Titus, chap. 2, v. 11, 14. 
 
 Sergeant GlanviPs father, indignant at the vices of his 
 eldest son, bequeathed the family estate to the second ; 
 but the young man becoming convinced that subsequently 
 to that will being made, the rightful heir had reformed, 
 he called him, with many of his friends together to a 
 feast, and after other dishes had been served up to the 
 dinner, Sergeant Glanvil ordered one that was covered to 
 be set before his brother, and desired him to imcover it, 
 which he doing, the company was surprised to find it full 
 of writings. So he said, " I am now to do what I am 
 sure my father would have done, if he had lived to see 
 that happy change, which you now all see in my brother, 
 and therefore, I freely restore to him the whole estate/'' — 
 Bishop Burnet. 
 
 Sir Matthew Hale, Lord Chief Justice of England was 
 universally valued and admired by men of all sides and 
 persuasions. During six-and-thirty years, he never once 
 failed in going to church on the Lord's day, and he thus 
 records his opinion respecting the Sabbath : " I have, by 
 long and sound experience found, that the due observance 
 of this day, and of the duties of it, has been of great 
 advantage to me, as God Almighty is the Lord of our 
 time, and lends it to us ; and as it is but just we should 
 consecrate this part of that time to Him, so I have found 
 
68 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 by a strict and diligent observation, that a due observance 
 of this day, hath ever had joined to it, a blessing upon the 
 rest of my time ; and the week that hath been so begun, 
 hath been blessed and prosperous to me. And on the 
 other side, when I have been negligent of this day, the 
 rest of the week has been unhappy, and unsuccessful to 
 my own secular employments ; so that I could easily make 
 an estimate of my successes, in my own secular employ- 
 ments of the week following, by the manner of my passing 
 this day. And this I do not write lightly or inconsi- 
 derately, but upon a long, and sound observation and 
 experience." — Sir M. Hale's Works, vol. i, p. 196. 
 
 The person who is in continual pursuit of opportunities 
 for exercising the benevolent affections, either by conferring 
 or acknowledging kindness, will overlook a thousand 
 trifling causes of offence, which might have awakened 
 resentment in the breast of another; while those in 
 whom the selfish passions prevail will be equally insensible 
 to numberless instances of kindness, which would have filled 
 the hearts of others with gratitude and joy; just as a 
 person who is eager in the chase will disregard the beauties 
 of the prospect which surrounds him, and know no more 
 of the country through which he passed, than if he had 
 never seen it. — Bowdler. 
 
 Washington Irving says, - e I have often had occasion to 
 remark the fortitude with which women sustain the 
 overwhelming reverses of fortune. Those disasters which 
 break down the spirit of a man, seem to call forth the 
 energies of the gentler sex, and give such intrepidity and 
 elevation to their character, that, at times, it approaches 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 69 
 
 to sublimity. Nothing can be more touching than to 
 behold a soft and tender female, who has been all weakness 
 and dependance, and alive to every trivial roughness while 
 treading the prosperous paths of life, suddenly rising into 
 mental force, to be the comforter and supporter of her 
 husband under misfortune, and abiding, with unshrinking 
 firmness, the bitterest blasts of adversity ; winding herself 
 into the recesses of his nature, tenderly supporting the 
 drooping head, and binding up his broken heart. 
 
 Luther said one day to his wife, " If I were going to 
 make love again, I would carve an obedient woman out of 
 marble, in despair of finding one in any other way." As 
 age advanced, he abandoned these playful sallies for the 
 following graver and more affectionate style. " To the 
 gracious Lady Catherine Luther, my dear wife, who vexes 
 herself over much, grace and peace in the Lord ! Dear 
 Catherine ! you should read St. John, and what is said 
 in the catechism of the confidence to be reposed in God. 
 Indeed you torment yourself as if He were not Almighty, 
 and could not produce new Doctors Martin by the score, 
 if the old Doctor should drown himself in the Saal. Here 
 is one who watches over me more effectually than thou 
 canst, or than all the angels. He sits at the right 
 hand of the Father Almighty. Therefore be calm." — 
 Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Through every stage and revolution of life, the miser 
 remains invariably the same; or if any difference, it is 
 only this, that as he advances into the shade of a long 
 evening, he clings closer and closer to the object of his 
 idolatry; and while every other passion lies dead and 
 
70 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 blasted in his heart, his desire for more pelf increases with 
 renewed eagerness, and he holds by a sinking world with 
 an agonizing grasp, till he drops into the earth with the 
 increased curses of wretchedness on his head, without the 
 tribute of a tear from child or parent, or any inscription 
 on his memory, but that he lived to counteract the distri- 
 butive justice of Providence, and died without hope or 
 title to a blessed immortality. — Dean Kirwan's Ser- 
 mons, p. 8. 
 
 An old oriental story relates, that one day, Moolla 
 Museerodeen in a mosque ascended the desk and thus 
 addressed his audience. " Oh ! children of the Faithful, 
 do ye know what I am going to say ?" They answered, 
 " No !" " Well, then/' replied he, " It is of no use for 
 me to waste my time on so stupid a set of people !" 
 And saying this, he came down and dismissed them. 
 Next day he again mounted the desk and asked : u Oh ! 
 true Mussulmen, do ye know what I am going to say ?" 
 " We do," said they. " Then," replied he, " there is no 
 need for me to tell you." And again he let them go. 
 The third time his audience thought they should catch 
 him, and on his putting the usual question, they 
 answered, " Some of us do, and some of us do not." 
 " Well, then !" replied he, " let those who know tell 
 those who do not." — Rev. Wm. Sinclair's Lecture. 
 
 Cowley considered that man the happiest, who had not 
 only quitted the metropolis, but abstained from visiting 
 the next market-town of his county — but we owe a debt 
 to our brethren ; and however fierce the beasts may be 
 in the wilderness, we are not to surround ourselves with 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 7l 
 
 a wall of fire, and go to sleep in the centre. — Willmottfs 
 Summer Time in the Country. 
 
 Death was terrible to Cicero, delightful to Cato, indif- 
 ferent to Socrates. 
 
 Swift, says Dr. Johnson, was disposed to do his servants 
 good on important occasions, but benefactions can be 
 only rare while tyrannic peevishness is perpetual, there- 
 fore be guarded against giving or receiving little provo- 
 cations. 
 
 Opportunities of conferring large benefits, like bank- 
 bills for a thousand pounds, rarely come into use ; but 
 little attentions, friendly participations and kindnesses, 
 are wanted daily, and like small change, are necessary to 
 carry on the business of life and happiness. Saadi, the 
 Persian poet, says that, " wisdom, is to enjoy, and good- 
 ness, to make others enjoy/" 
 
 In our early years, or more mature age, the power of 
 employing ourselves, in the retirement of our closet, with 
 any useful or agreeable occupation, banishes the dread of 
 solitude. When soured by disappointment, we must 
 endeavour to pursue some fixed and pleasing course of 
 study, that there may be no blank leaf in our book of life. 
 We never read without profit, if, with the pen or pencil in 
 our hand, we mark such ideas as strike us by their 
 novelty, or correct those we already possess. Reading 
 soon becomes fatiguing, unless undertaken with an eye to 
 our own advantage, or that of others, and when it does 
 
72 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 not enrich the mind with new ideas ; but this habit is 
 easily acquired by exercise, and then books afford the 
 surest relief in the most melancholy moments. Painful 
 and disagreeable ideas vanish from the mind that can fix 
 its attention upon any subject. The sight of a noble and 
 interesting object, the study of a useful science, the 
 varied pictures of the different revolutions exhibited in the 
 history of mankind, the improvements in any art, are 
 capable of arresting the attention, and charming every 
 care ; and it is thus that man becomes sociable with him- 
 self; it is thus that he finds his best friend within his 
 own bosom. — Zimmerman. 
 
 But then from study will no comforts rise ? 
 Yes ! such as studious minds alone can prize ; 
 Comforts ! — yea, joys ineffable they find, 
 Who seek the prouder pleasures of the mind ; 
 The soul collected in those happy hours, 
 Then makes her efforts, then enjoys her powers ; 
 And in those seasons feels herself repaid 
 For labours past and honours long delay'd. 
 
 As we grow older, we should accept good-will instead 
 of perfection, and grow more indulgent to the faults of 
 others : thus few faults are there seen by us which we 
 have not ourselves committed. " A friend should bear a 
 friend's infirmities." 
 
 Hardouin, a Jesuit priest, declared that the Odes of 
 Horace were written in some Benedictine monastery, and 
 that Lalage herself was nothing more than a monkish 
 poetical symbol of the Christian faith. Boileau's remark 
 on the subject was : " I have no great fancy for monks, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 73 
 
 yet I should be glad to have known Brother Horace 
 and Dom Virgil." — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Dr. Chalmers described once what happened at Man- 
 chester, when he consented to preach a sermon for some 
 public object, at a large chapel in that town. He had 
 not been thinking about the matter, after he had given his 
 consent to preach ; but his eye was attracted by seeing his 
 owti name in a printed paper, like an immense play-bill, 
 posted on all the walls about the town. This was the 
 programme of the ceremonial for the day. There were 
 to be " Prayers, anthems, choruses from HandePs Ora- 
 torios, and a Sermon by the celebrated Dr. Chalmers, of 
 Edinburgh !" Excessively annoyed at all this display, he 
 refused to take any part, or to preach on the occasion. 
 The directors expostulated, and represented what would 
 be the effects of his withdrawal, and of the disappointment 
 of the public. The matter was compromised; and Dr. 
 Chalmers was to sit in the vestry till the proper time for 
 him to come out and preach his sermon. But his troubles 
 then only began ; for unfortunately an anthem, with full 
 instrumental accompaniments, was appointed to follow the 
 sermon. The orchestra, being placed immediately be- 
 hind the pulpit, and more occupied with anticipations of 
 their own performance than with anything else, the musi- 
 cians annoyed and disturbed the preacher through the 
 whole sermon by their preparations and preliminaries for 
 the grand chorus. " Actually," as the Doctor exclaimed, 
 "tuning their very trombones at my ear before I had 
 finished." — Dean Ramsay on the Life and Writings of 
 Chalmers. 
 
74 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 A lady, who greatly admired Dr. Chalmers' preaching, 
 and was much addicted to pursuing popular orators, sent 
 him her compliments one Sunday morning, and begged to 
 know if he intended to preach that day at St. George's. 
 
 The worthy Doctor answered : " Tell Lady that 
 
 there certainly is to be Divine Service in St. George's 
 church to-day." 
 
 When Plutarch was asked why he remained in his 
 native city, after it had become so obscure and so little, he 
 said : " I stay lest it should grow less/' 
 
 Grotius said, as his last words, when dying : u I have 
 lost my life in laboriously doing nothing." 
 
 Buonaparte said once : " Clergymen consider this world 
 only as a diligence, in which they can travel to another." 
 
 In the cards of advertisement which a fashionable 
 teacher in Paris distributed to the public, after a state- 
 ment of the several languages and accomplishments which 
 should be communicated to the pupils, a postscript was 
 added, thus : " Any religion shall be taught which the 
 parents may prefer." 
 
 Fuller says of some Christians who were reproached 
 for not having courage enough to endure the flames : 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 75 
 
 €< Oh ! there is much more required to make a man 
 valiant^ than only to call another a coward." 
 
 Sir Henry MoncriefPs expiring words : " I delight to 
 preach, but I shall never preach there any more ; I shall 
 never speak a word to that people again. I could go 
 over the whole earth, to preach the doctrine of salvation 
 by the Cross of Christ." 
 
 David Hume never failed, in the midst of any contro- 
 versy, to give its due praise to everything tolerable that 
 was either said or written against him. One day, that he 
 visited Lord Charlemont in London, Hume came into his 
 friend's room laughing, and apparently well pleased. 
 
 " What has put you in this good humour, Hume V 3 
 said Lord Charlemont. 
 
 €t Why, man," replied he, " I have just now had the 
 best thing said to me I ever heard. I was complaining, 
 in a company where I spent the morning, that I was very 
 ill-treated by the world, and that the censures put upon 
 me were hard and unreasonable; that I had written many 
 volumes, throughout the whole of which there were but 
 a few pages that contained any reprehensible matter, and 
 yet that for these few pages, I was abused and torn to 
 pieces. ( You put me in mind/ said an honest fellow in 
 the company, whose name I did not know, 'of an ac- 
 quaintance of mine, a notary public, who, having been 
 condemned to be hanged for forgery, lamented the hard- 
 ship of his case ; that, after having written many thousand 
 
 e2 
 
76 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 inoffensive sheets, he should be hanged for one line/ "- 
 Hardy's Memoirs of Lord Charlemont. 
 
 When Dr. Paley dined out, for the first time, after 
 being promoted in the Church, he was in a state of good- 
 humoured jocularity on his accession of dignity, and 
 called out during dinner to one of the servants : " Shut 
 down the window behind my chair, and open another 
 behind one of the curates." 
 
 Rutherford, on his death-bed, made this observation 
 to his friends around : " Oh ! that all my brethren did 
 know what a Master I have served, and what peace I 
 have this day ! I shall sleep in Christ ; and when I 
 awake, I shall be satisfied with His likeness." (1661.) 
 
 Caesar Borgia, Duke of Romania, said in his last hours : 
 " I had provided, in the course of my life, for everything 
 except death !" 
 
 There were two ancient Christian hermits once, who 
 dwelt together, and never quarrelled. At last one said 
 to the other, simply : 
 
 " Let us have a quarrel, as other men have." 
 And the other answering that he did not know how to 
 quarrel, the first replied : 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 77 
 
 " Look here : I will place this stone in the midst be- 
 tween you and me ; I will say it is mine, and do you say 
 that is not true, but that it is yours ; and in this manner 
 we will make a quarrel." 
 
 And, placing a stone in the midst, he said : " This 
 stone is mine." 
 
 And the other said : " No ; it is mine." 
 And the first said : " It is not yours, I say; but mine." 
 And the other said : " It is yours ; then take it." 
 And, in short, they could by no means contrive to 
 quarrel, being so much accustomed to peace." — Christian 
 Mythology ; Lord Lindsay. 
 
 Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in 
 rising every time we fall. 
 
 A Persian fable : A gourd wound itself round a lofty 
 palm, and in a few weeks climbed to its very top. 
 
 " How old mayest thou be ?" asked the new comer. 
 
 ts About a hundred years," was the answer. 
 
 " A hundred years, and no taller ! Only look ; I have 
 grown as tall as you in fewer days than you can count 
 years." 
 
 " I know that well," replied the palm. " Every summer 
 of my life a gourd has climbed up round me, as proud as 
 thou art, and as short-lived as thou wilt be," 
 
 The nation that does not tax itself for the religious 
 instruction of its poor, must be taxed many-fold for the 
 punishment and repression of their crimes. 
 
78 THE KALEIPOSCOPE OF 
 
 The best criterion of an enlarged mind, next to the 
 performance of a great action, is its comprehension. 
 
 Pope always wrote his first thoughts in his first words, 
 and afterwards gradually amplified, decorated, rectified, 
 and refined them. Invent first, and then embellish . 
 When you have matter, it will easily be formed. It is 
 said that first impressions and second thoughts are always 
 best. 
 
 Dr. Hutchinson, who collected above £3,000 for repair- 
 ing a church in Derby, was so indefatigable, that once, 
 when " the Waits" fiddled at his door for a Christmas-box, 
 he invited them to enter his house, treated them to ale, 
 and wer-persuaded them to subscribe a guinea. 
 
 In the great majority of things, habit is a greater 
 plague than ever afflicted Egypt ; in religious character it 
 is a grand felicity. — Foster. 
 
 Bishop Hough always kept £1,000 in his house for 
 unexpected calls on his benevolence. One day the collec- 
 tors of a public charity stated their case so strongly that 
 he desired his steward to give them £500. The agent, 
 thinking that too much, hesitated; but the benevolent 
 prelate added : " I have not contributed enough • let it 
 be a thousand." 
 
 Every one bred in the Highlands is nurtured in the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 79 
 
 very bosom of national poetry, and fed with music and 
 legendary lore from his infancy. This gives language to 
 the mountain echoes, forms to the mountain mists, and 
 casts a rich and glowing colouring over the heaths and 
 frowning mountains, that wear to the traveller the aspect 
 of desolation. These are the ties, powerful though in- 
 visible, that bind us with such close adhesion to " Cale- 
 donia stern and wild," and this is the talisman that draws 
 us with such powerful attraction to return from happier 
 lands to meet our native muses in their wonted haunts, 
 — Mrs. Grant, vol. i, p. 268. 
 
 Latimer says : <e When a man but half forgives his 
 enemy, it is like leaving a bag of rusty nails to interpose 
 between them. 
 
 Sir Thomas Fowell Buxton to his nephew, when dis- 
 appointed of a scholarship at Trinity : 
 
 " This mortification is a test that will try your charac- 
 ter. If that character be feeble, the disappointment will 
 weigh upon your spirits, you will relax your exertions, 
 and begin to despond and be idle. That is the general 
 character of men : they can do very well when the breeze 
 is in their favour, but they are cowed by the storm. If 
 your character is vigorous and masculine, you will gather 
 strength from this defeat, and encouragement from this 
 disappointment. If Fortune will not give you her favours, 
 you will tear them from her by force ; and I would rather 
 you should have failed, and then exhibited this determi- 
 nation, than that everything should have gone smoothly. 
 An unconquerable spirit is worth all the Latin, Greek, 
 and logarithms in the world, and all the prizes which were 
 
80 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ever given. If you are sick at heart, and can't sleep, and 
 laugh, and defy malicious fortune, then you make a very 
 decent banker, but there is an end of you. If you can 
 summon up courage for the occasion, and pluck from this 
 failure the materials for future success., then the loss of 
 the scholarship may be a gain for life." — p. 143. 
 
 There are some men whose faculties appear to leave 
 them on taking up a pen ; others to become half inspired. 
 Even in a case so similar as a conversation and a letter, 
 there is no telling beforehand. Fox used to make Dr. 
 Lawrence put on paper what he wanted to tell him, saying : 
 u I love to read your writing ; I hate to hear you talk." 
 Wilkes said of Lord Chatham : " He is the best orator 
 and the worst letter-writer of his age." — Quarterly 
 Review. 
 
 That happy state of mind so rarely possessed, in which 
 we can say, " I have enough," is the highest attainment 
 of philosophy. Happiness consists not in possessing 
 much, but in being content with what we possess. He 
 who wants little, always has enough. — Zimmerman. 
 
 Whence comes it to pass, that we have so much patience 
 with those who are maimed in body, and so little with 
 those who are defective in mind ? It is because the 
 cripple acknowledges that we have the use of our legs ; 
 whereas the fool obstinately maintains that we are the 
 persons who halt in understanding. Without this dif- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 81 
 
 ference in the case, neither object would move our resent- 
 ment, but both our compassion. — Pascal. 
 
 By examining the tongue of a patient, physicians find 
 out the diseases of the body, and philosophers the 
 diseases of the mind. — Justin. 
 
 The age of a cultivated mind is even more complacent, 
 and even more luxurious than the youth. It is the 
 reward of the due use of the endowments bestowed by 
 nature ; while they who in youth have made no provision 
 for age, are left like an unsheltered tree, stripped of its 
 leaves and its branches, shaking and withering before the 
 cold blasts of winter. In truth, nothing is so happy to 
 itself, and so attractive to others, as a genuine and refined 
 imagination, that knows its own powers, and throws forth 
 its treasures with frankness and fearlessness. Our 
 thoughts, our reminiscences, our intellectual acquirements, 
 die with us to this world; but to this world only. If 
 they are what they ought to be, they are treasures which 
 we lay up for Heaven. That which is of the earth, 
 earthly, perishes with rank, honours, authority, and other 
 earthly and perishable things • but nothing that is worth 
 retaining can be lost. Affections, well-placed and duti- 
 fully cherished; friendships, happily formed and faith- 
 fully maintained; knowledge, acquired with worthy intent ; 
 and intellectual powers, that have been diligently improved, 
 as the talents which our Lord and Master has committed 
 to our keeping ; these will accompany us into another 
 state of existence, as surely as the soul in that state 
 retains its identity and its consciousness. — The Doctor, 
 vol. ii, p. 50. 
 
 e3 
 
82 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Religion consists not in knowledge, but in a holy life. 
 —Bishop Taylor. 
 
 Pope says of Swift : " My sincere love for this valuable, 
 indeed, incomparable man, will accompany him through 
 life, and pursue his memory, were I to live a hundred 
 lives/'' With all his gifts of wit and talent, however, 
 which required, as Pope added, "as good and true a 
 taste as his own to be equally valued/' his was a cheerless, 
 because an irreligious old age. 
 
 To his friend, Pope, he writes in 1715 : "I live in the 
 corner of a vast unfurnished house. My family consists 
 of a steward, a groom, a helper in the stable, a footman, 
 and an old maid, who are all at board-wages ; and when 
 T do not dine abroad, or make an entertainment (which 
 last is very rare), I eat a mutton-pie, and drink half-a- 
 pint of wine. My amusements are, defending my small 
 dominions against the Archbishop, and endeavouring to 
 reduce my rebellious choir. They to whom I would give 
 the first places in my friendship, are not in the way. 
 I am condemned to another scene, and therefore I distri- 
 bute it in pennyworths to those about me, and who dis- 
 please me least ; and should do the same to my fellow- 
 prisoners, if I were condemned to jail. I can likewise 
 tolerate knaves much better than fools,, because their 
 knavery does me no hurt in the commerce I have with 
 them. I choose my companions among those of least 
 consequence, and most compliance. I read the most 
 trifling books I can find; and whenever I write, it is 
 upon the most trifling subjects; but riding, walking, and 
 sleeping, take up eighteen of the twenty-four hours. 
 The chief end I propose to myself, in all my labours, is 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 83 
 
 to vex the world, rather than divert it. Drown the 
 world ! I am not content with despising it, but I would 
 anger it, if I could with safety." 
 
 Another letter to Pope : " I have nobody now left 
 but you. Pray be so kind as to outlive me, and then die 
 as soon as you please, but without pain. 
 
 " I want only to be rich, for I am hard to be pleased ; 
 and for want of riches, people grow every day less soli- 
 citous to please me : therefore, I keep humble company, 
 who are happy to come where they can get a bottle of 
 wine without paying for it. I give my vicar a supper, 
 and his wife a shilling, to play with me an hour at back- 
 gammon, once a fortnight." 
 
 George II. being informed that an impudent printer 
 was to be punished for having published a spurious 
 King's Speech, replied : " I hope the man's punishment 
 will be of the mildest sort, because I have read both; 
 and, as far as I understand either of them, I like the 
 spurious Speech better than my own." — Lord Walde- 
 grave's Memoirs, p. 88. 
 
 The much-admired and celebrated Duchess de Longue- 
 ville — beautiful, talented, and every way distinguished — 
 made this confession to the Prioress of the Carmelites : 
 <c My life seems to have been given me but to prove how 
 bitter and how oppressive are the sorrows of this mortal 
 existence ! My attachments to it are broken, or rather 
 crushed. Write to me often, and confirm the loathing I 
 feel for this sublunary state." 
 
84 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Gainsay it who will, the spirit of man is the not 
 unfrequent, though the hidden scene of revolutions, as 
 real as that which, from the seed corrupting in the soil 
 beneath us, draws forth the petals, diffusing on every 
 side their fragrance, and reflecting, in every varied hue, 
 the light of Heaven. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Bishop Hackees motto : " Serve God, and be cheerful. 
 
 When the Church of England was first disturbed by 
 keen controversies, grounded on the Oxford Tracts, 
 Archbishop Howley, always conciliatory and prudent, 
 gave a public breakfast at Lambeth, where his clergy of 
 all parties had no sooner taken their seats, than a very 
 young divine, by way of beginning the conversation, 
 said, across the table : 
 
 "Pray, what does your Grace think of the Oxford 
 Tracts V 
 
 The Archbishop, with his usual suavity, replied : 
 
 " Pray, Sir, do you take tea or coffee V y 
 
 Madame de Maintenon, in the full tide of all her most 
 unexpected prosperity and splendour, made this remark : 
 " In every life, without exception, there is a fearful 
 void !" 
 
 Charles V. of France, exclaimed, with his dying breath : 
 " I find that kings are happy, but in this— that they have 
 the power of doing good." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 85 
 
 An eastern sage being desired to inscribe on the ring 
 of his Sultan a motto, equally applicable to prosperity or 
 adversity, returned it with these words engraved upon the 
 surface : " And this, too, shall pass away !" 
 
 Henry IV. having spoken severely to one of his gene- 
 rals, suddenly rode up and made an apology to him, 
 before a battle commenced, when the brave Schomberg 
 replied : 
 
 " It is true, Sire, that your Majesty wounded me yes- 
 terday ; but to-day you kill me ; for the honour you 
 confer obliges me, on this occasion, to die in your service." 
 
 He then plunged into the thickest of the fight, and 
 was killed. 
 
 Barthe, a writer of French comedies, hearing that his 
 intimate friend Colardeau was on the point of death, 
 instantly fled to the sick man's chamber, and finding him 
 still in a condition to listen, addressed him thus : 
 
 " My dear friend, I am in despair at seeing you in this 
 extremity, but I have still one favour to ask of you ; it is 
 that you will hear me read my c Homme Personnel/ " 
 
 " Consider," replied the dying man, " that I have only 
 a few hours to live." 
 
 u Alas ! yes ; and this is the very reason that makes 
 me so desirous of knowing what you think of my play." 
 
 His unhappy friend heard him to the end without 
 saying a word, and then in a faint voice observed, that 
 there was yet one very striking feature wanted to complete 
 the character which he had been designing. 
 
 " You must make him force a friend who is dying to 
 listen to a comedy in five acts. 
 
86 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 A Roman prince, more notorious for his pretensions to 
 virtue, than his liberality to artists, sauntering one day in 
 Salvator Rosa's gallery, paused before one of his land- 
 scapes, and after a long contemplation of its merits, ex- 
 claimed : 
 
 " I am strangely tempted to purchase this picture ; tell 
 me at once the lowest price ?" 
 
 " Two hundred scudi," replied Salvator carelessly. 
 
 " Two hundred scudi ! That is a price ! but- we'll talk 
 of it another time/' 
 
 The illustrissimo took his leave ; but, bent upon having 
 the picture, he shortly returned, and again inquired " the 
 lowest price." 
 
 " Three hundred scudi," was the sullen reply, 
 
 "You are joking !" cried the astonished prince. "I 
 see I must e'en wait on your better humour, and so adieu, 
 Signor Rosa." 
 
 The next day brought back the Prince to the painter's 
 gallery, who on entering saluted Salvator with a jocose air, 
 and added : 
 
 " Well, Signor Arnico, how goes the market to-day ? 
 have prices fallen ?" 
 
 " Four hundred scudi is the price to-day," replied Sal- 
 vator, with affected calmness ; when suddenly giving way 
 to his natural impetuosity, and no longer stifling his in- 
 dignation, he burst forth. "The fact is, your excellency 
 would not now obtain the picture from me at any price ; 
 and yet so little value do I put on its merits, that I deem 
 it worthy of no better fate than this," and snatching the 
 pannel on which it was painted from the wall, he flung it 
 to the ground, and with his foot broke it into a hundred 
 pieces. — Life of Salvator Rosa. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 87 
 
 There is no sadder spot on the earth than the little 
 cemetery of St. Peter's Chapel in the Tower. Death is 
 not there consecrated as in Westminster Abbey and St. 
 Paul's, with genius and virtue, with public veneration, 
 and with imperishable renown, not as in our humblest 
 churches and church-yards, with everything that is most 
 endearing in social and domestic charities, but wdth what- 
 ever is darkest in human nature and in human destiny, 
 with the savage triumph of implacable enemies, with the 
 inconstancy, the ingratitude, the cowardice of friends, with 
 all the miseries of fallen greatness and of blighted fame. 
 Thither have been carried through successive ages, by the 
 rude hands of gaolers, without one mourner following, 
 the bleeding relics of men who had been the captains of 
 armies, the leaders of parties, the oracles of senates, and 
 the ornaments of courts. Thither was borne before the 
 window where Jane Grey was praying, the mangled corpse 
 of Guildford Dudley. Edward Seymour, Duke of Somerset 
 and Protector of the Realm, reposes there beside the 
 brother whom he murdered. There has mouldered away 
 the headless trunk of John Fisher, Bishop of Rochester, 
 and Cardinal of St. Vitalis, a man worthy to have lived in 
 a better age, and to have died in a better cause. There are 
 laid John Dudley, Duke of Northumberland, Lord High 
 Admiral, and Thomas Cromwell, Earl of Essex, Lord High 
 Treasurer. There too is another Essex, on whom nature 
 and fortune had lavished all their bounties in vain, and 
 whom valour, grace, genius, royal favour and popular 
 applause, conducted to an early and ignominious doom. 
 Not far off sleep two chiefs of the great house of Howard, 
 Thomas, fourth Duke of Northumberland, and Philip, 
 eleventh Earl of Arundel. Here and there among the 
 thick graves of unquiet and aspiring statesmen, lie 
 
88 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 more delicate sufferers : Margaret of Salisbury, the best 
 of the proud name of Plantagenet, and those two fair 
 queens, who perished by the jealous rage of Henry. Such 
 was the dust with which the dust of Monmouth mingled ! 
 — Macaulay's History of England, vol. i, p. 628. 
 
 BoswelPs praise of Wilberforce, when he first heard that 
 great and good man speak in public, is characteristic of 
 both speaker and critic : " I saw what seemed a mere 
 shrimp mount the platform, but as I listened, he grew and 
 grew until the shrimp became a whale." 
 
 What had the woman who touched the hem of our 
 Lord's garment heard ? Nothing of His kindness towards 
 herself, but towards others, and upon this she believed : so 
 a rope is but cast dow T n in the sea, to a multitude of 
 drowning men, and all are bidden for their life to lay hold 
 on the rope that they may be saved ; it were unreasonable 
 and foolish curiosity for any of these poor men, now upon 
 death and life commanded to hold fast the rope, to dispute 
 whether did the man who cast down the rope intend and 
 purpose to save me, or not, and while my mind is per- 
 plexed on that point, I will not put out one finger to touch 
 the rope. Fool ! dispute not, but lay hold on the remedy. 
 — Rutherford. 
 
 All the letters addressed to Madame du DefFand by the 
 distinguished persons who frequented her society, and 
 courted her correspondence, prove how much both the 
 one and the other are sought, by those from wh#>m such a 
 distinction would be the most flattering; and all her own 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 89 
 
 letters prove how unavailing the applause of friends, the 
 flattering of wits, and the homage of the world, to the real 
 comfort and happiness of life. Courted as she was, to the 
 last moment of a protracted life, by all the great, gay, and 
 the distinguished, both of her own country and those of 
 every other, whom business or pleasure led to Paris, she 
 might naturally be supposed to enjoy the most agreeable 
 existence that her age, sex, and infirmity could admit ; 
 yet, we see Madame du Deffand devoured by that ennui 
 which she considers as the most insupportable ill of the 
 human mind ; and which her whole life seems to have 
 been consumed in an ineffectual effort to avoid. We see 
 her repeatedly complaining of existence as an irremediable 
 evil, and yet owning her repugnance to quit it. We see 
 her by turns dissatisfied with all her friends, and for ever 
 doubting the reality of friendship ; though eagerly seeking 
 its support, exacting its attentions, and indeed, on her 
 own part, fulfilling its duties. We see her yet more con- 
 stantly discontented with herself than others. "If I 
 think little of others, I think less of myself ! I have 
 more difficulty in trying to endure myself, than I have to 
 endure others I" — Letters of Madame du Deffand. 
 
 The celebrated and excellent Charles Simeon, of Cam- 
 bridge, being, after a long life of singularly good health 
 and useful activity, laid on his death-bed, at the age of 
 seventy-eight, was asked if he felt supported by divine 
 consolations, and replied: "I lie waiting for the issue 
 without a fear, without a doubt, and without a wish." 
 
 On a question being asked, what had lately been passing 
 in his mind, and of what he was at that time more parti- 
 
90 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 cularly thinking, he replied in the most animated manner : 
 " I do not think now ; I am enjoying." 
 
 He also described his entire acquiescence in the will of 
 God, saying with energy : "He cannot do anything 
 against my will." And on another occasion : cc Whether 
 I am to have a little less suffering, or a little more, it 
 matters not one farthing." 
 
 At one period, when there was a larger number of 
 persons than usual gathered round his bed, Mr. Simeon, 
 mistaking the circumstance, said : " You are all on a 
 wrong scent, and are all in a wrong spirit. You want to 
 see what is called a dying scene. That I abhor from my 
 inmost soul. I wish to be alone with my God, and to lie 
 before him as a poor, wretched, hell-deserving sinner ; but 
 I would also look to him as my all-forgiving God." 
 
 He deprecated any laudatory remark respecting him, 
 saying : " Satan himself could not be a greater curse to 
 me than the person who would dare to breathe a word 
 commendatory of me, or of anything I have ever done. 
 They would be a curse to me, whoever they are. Persons 
 so acting are doing the devil's work, and it is frightful to 
 me. I feel, if I could be pleased with it, that it would 
 be damnation to me." 
 
 As his end drew near, he exclaimed : " It is said, ' O 
 Death ! where is thy sting V " Then looking at his 
 friends as they stood round his bed, he asked, in his 
 own peculiarly expressive manner : " Do you see any sting 
 here ?" 
 
 They answered : u No, indeed, it is all taken away." 
 
 He then added : " Does not this prove that my prin- 
 ciples were not founded on fancies or enthusiasm, but 
 that there is a reality in them, and I find them sufficient 
 to support me in death." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 91 
 
 Thus departed that laborious servant of Christ, entering 
 into rest at the very moment that the bell of St. Mary's 
 was tolling for the university sermon which he himself 
 was to have preached. 
 
 I have just time to make the observation that time is 
 short ; and by the time I have made the observation, time 
 is gone. I have wondered in former days at the patience 
 of the antediluvian world ; that they could endure a life 
 almost millenary, with so little variety as seems to have 
 fallen to their share. It is probable that they had much 
 fewer employments than we. Their affairs lay in a nar- 
 rower compass; their libraries were indifferently fur- 
 nished ; philosophical researches were carried on with 
 much less industry and acuteness of penetration : and 
 fiddles, perhaps, were not even invented. How, then, 
 could seven or eight hundred years of life be supportable ? 
 I have asked this question formerly, and been at a loss 
 to resolve it ; but I think I can answer it now. I vail 
 suppose myself born a thousand years before Noah was 
 born or thought of. I rise with the sun ; I worship ; I 
 prepare my breakfast ; I swallow a bucket of goatVmilk, 
 and a dozen good sizeable cakes. I fasten a new string 
 to my bow ; and my youngest boy, a lad of about thirty 
 years of age, having played with my arrows till he has 
 stripped off all the feathers, I find myself obliged to 
 repair them. The morning is thus spent in preparing 
 for the chase, and it is become necessary that I should 
 dine. I dig up my roots; I wash them; I boil them; 
 I find them not done enough ; I boil them again ; my 
 wife is angry ; we dispute ; we settle the point : but in 
 the mean time the fire goes out, and must be kindled 
 
92 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 again. All this is very amusing. I hunt; I bring home 
 the prey ; with the skin of it I mend an old coat, or I 
 make a new one. By this time the day is far spent ; I 
 feel myself fatigued, and retire to rest. Thus, what with 
 tilling the ground, and eating the fruit of it, hunting, 
 and walking, and running, and mending old clothes, and 
 sleeping and rising again, I can suppose an inhabitant of 
 the primaeval world so much occupied as to sigh over the 
 shortness of life, and to find at the end of many centuries 
 that they had all slipped through his fingers, and were 
 passed away like a shadow. What wonder then that I, 
 who live in a day of so much greater refinement, when 
 there is so much more to be wanted, and wished, and to 
 be enjoyed, should feel myself now and then pinched in 
 point of opportunity, and at some loss for leisure. — 
 Cowper. 
 
 Mankind often seek society, not with a view to be 
 useful and pleasing to others, or even with any great 
 expectation of being pleased themselves, but merely be- 
 cause they know not how to amuse themselves when alone. 
 But those who associate with others, because they are 
 weary with themselves, are not very likely to contribute 
 to the pleasure or advantage of society. 
 
 You should be very cautious not to encourage expecta- 
 tions in those who make any request which you have not 
 a certainty of fulfilling; for Hope, an architect above 
 rules, can build, in reverse, a pyramid upon a point. 
 From a very little origin there often arises a wildness of 
 expectation which quite astounds you. Like the fisher- 
 man in the Arabian Nights, when you see " a genii thrice 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 93 
 
 as high as the greatest of giants/' you may well wonder 
 how he could have come out of so small a vessel ; but in 
 your case, there will be no chance of persuading the 
 monster to ensconce himself again, for the purpose of 
 convincing you that such a feat is not impossible. In 
 addition, also, to the natural delusions of hope, there is 
 sometimes the artifice of pretending to take your words 
 for more than they are well known to mean. 
 
 A weak mind is well compared by Lord Chesterfield to 
 a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but cannot 
 receive great ones. 
 
 An anxious, restless temper, that runs to meet care on 
 its way, that regrets lost opportunities too much, and that 
 is over-painstaking in contrivances for happiness, is foolish, 
 and should not be indulged. " On doit etre heureux sans 
 trop penser a Yetve." If you cannot be happy in one 
 way, be happy in another ; and this facility of disposition 
 wants but little aid from philosophy, for health and good- 
 humour are almost the whole affair. Many run after 
 felicity, like an absent man hunting for his hat, while it is 
 on his head or in his hand. Though sometimes small 
 evils, like invisible insects, inflict great pain, yet the chief 
 secret of comfort lies in not suffering trifles to vex one, 
 and in prudently cultivating an undergrowth of small 
 pleasures, since very few great ones, alas ! are let on long 
 leases. — Sharpens Essays, p. 48. 
 
 In all the professions, high stations seem to come down 
 to us, rather than that we have got up to them. — Ibid, 
 p. 49. 
 
94 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Edmund Burke's ready and generous patronage ot 
 Crabbe will form a bright page in that great man's his- 
 tory, long after his political exertions have become compa- 
 ratively insignificant. In great extremity the poet sent 
 to the statesman some copies of verses, and a rough 
 draught of u The Village/' accompanied by a letter, of 
 which this is an extract : 
 
 " Can you, Sir, in any degree, aid me with propriety ? 
 Will you ask any demonstrations of my veracity ? I have 
 imposed upon myself, but I have been guilty of no other 
 imposition. Let me, if possible, interest your compassion. 
 I know those of rank and fortune are teased with frequent 
 petitions, and are compelled to refuse the requests even 
 of those whom they know to be in distress ; it is therefore 
 with a distant hope I have ventured to solicit such a 
 favour ; but you will forgive me, Sir, if you do not think 
 proper to relieve." 
 
 The verses satisfied Burke that his petitioner was " a 
 true poet." Crabbe, after leaving his packet in Charles 
 Street, St. James's Square, had felt himself so agitated 
 that he could not retire to rest. He spent the whole night 
 in walking backwards and forwards on Westminster Bridge 
 — the morning sun found him there. When Crabbe 
 called in the morning for his answer : he was told that 
 Burke desired to converse with him. He went into the 
 statesman's room — a poor young adventurer, spurned by 
 the opulent, and rejected by the publishers, his last 
 shilling gone, and all but his last hope with it ; he came 
 out virtually secure of almost all the good fortune that, 
 by successive steps, afterwards fell to his lot — his genius 
 acknowledged by one whose verdict could not be ques- 
 tioned — his character and manners appreciated and ap- 
 proved by a noble and capacious heart, whose benevolence 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 95 
 
 knew no limits but its power — that of a giant in intellect, 
 who was in feeling an unsophisticated child — a bright 
 example of the close affinity between superlative talents 
 and the warmth of the generous affections. Mr. Crabbe 
 had afterwards many other friends, kind, liberal, and 
 powerful, who assisted him in his professional career, but 
 it was one hand alone that rescued him from sinking. 
 
 Charles II., after his restoration, neglected, according 
 to custom, his most faithful adherent, Lord St. Albans, 
 who nevertheless frequented the Court. One day, w^hen 
 a gentleman had requested an interview of his Majesty 
 to ask for a valuable office then vacant, the King in jest 
 desired the Earl of St. Albans to personate him, which 
 he did, before the whole Court ; but after hearing the 
 stranger's petition with an air of dignified authority, he 
 said that the office was by no means too great for so 
 deserving a subject. "But," added the Earl, gravely, 
 "I have already conferred it on my faithful adherent, 
 Lord St. Albans, who constantly followed my father's 
 fortunes and my own, having never before received any 
 reward." The King was so amused by this ready jest, 
 that he instantly confirmed the gift to his clever repre- 
 sentative. 
 
 James V. of Scotland, when dying of a broken heart 
 for the untimely loss of his two sons and the misfortunes 
 of his kingdom, being told that his Queen had given 
 birth to a daughter, afterwards the unfortunate Mary 
 Stuart, exclaimed, in reference to the daughter of Bruce 
 having brought his ancestor the crown of Scotland for 
 
96 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 a dowry : " It came by a girl, and it will go with a 
 girl !" 
 
 It is recorded of Sir Robert Walpole, when Prime 
 Minister, that whenever a batch of letters reached him, 
 the one from his gamekeeper was always the first that 
 he perused. 
 
 Frederick the Great commanded that one of his valets, 
 convicted of embezzling money, should be enlisted as 
 a drummer. The unhappy man, on hearing his sentence, 
 put a pistol to his head and fell a corpse in the King's 
 own ante-chamber. The King, startled at the noise, asked 
 what had occurred, and on being told, he merely re- 
 maked : " I did not think that the fellow had so much 
 courage !*' 
 
 When the Duke of Courland came to see Frederick the 
 Great a short time before his death, the King said : " Do 
 you stand in need of a good watchman ? for if so, allow 
 me to offer myself, being well qualified for such a post by 
 my sleeplessness at nights." 
 
 Salvator Rosa, with a thirst for praise, which scarcely 
 any applause could satisfy, united a quickness of per- 
 ception that rendered him suspicious of pleasing, even 
 at the moment he was most successful. A gaping mouth, 
 a closing lid, a languid look, or an impatient hem ! threw 
 him into utter confusion, and deprived him of all presence 
 of mind, of all power of concealing his mortification. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 97 
 
 When he perceived that some witty sally had fallen life- 
 less, that some epigrammatic point had escaped the notice 
 of his auditors, he was wont to exclaim to his particular 
 friends, when the strangers were departed : " What folly 
 to lose my time and talent in reading before those beasts 
 of burden, who feel nothing, and have no intellect beyond 
 what is necessary to understand the street-ballads of the 
 blind band!" Such is the power which an insatiable 
 love of glory may hold, even over the most elevated in- 
 tellect. 
 
 Between Don Mario Ghigi and Salvator, there existed 
 much intimacy, and the Prince's fondness for the painter's 
 conversation was such, that during a long illness, he 
 induced Salvator to bring his easel to his bed-side, and 
 to work in his chamber at some small piece he was then 
 painting for the Prince. It happened that while Rosa 
 was sketching and chatting by the Prince's couch, one 
 of the most fashionable physicians of Rome entered the 
 apartment. He appears to have been one of those pro- 
 fessional coxcombs, whose pretensions, founded on un- 
 merited vogue, throw a ridicule on the gravest calling. 
 After some trite remarks upon the art, the Doctor re- 
 quested Don Mario to give him a picture of Salvator as a 
 remuneration for his attendance. The Prince willingly 
 agreed, and the doctor, debating on the subject he should 
 choose, turned to Salvator, and desired that he would not 
 lay pencil to canvas until he, the Signor Dottore, should 
 find leisure to dictate to him the idea and conception 
 of his picture. Salvator bowed a modest acquiescence, 
 and went on with his sketch. The Doctor having made 
 his professional inquiries with his wonted pomposity, rose 
 to write his prescription ; when as he sat before the table 
 with up-turned eyes and pen suspended over the paper, 
 
 F 
 
98 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Salvator on tiptoe approached him, and grasping the 
 pen, said : " Stop, Doctor, yon must not lay pen to paper 
 till I have leisure to dictate the idea and the concep- 
 tion of what I may think proper for his Excellency/' 
 "You!" cried the amazed physician, "you dictate a 
 prescription ! why I am the Prince's physician, not you." 
 " And I," said Salvator, " am a painter, and not you. I 
 leave it to the Prince whether I could not prove myself 
 a better physician than you are a painter, and write a 
 better prescription than you paint a picture." — Lady 
 Morgan, 
 
 Charles II. loved what may be called "fun" as much 
 as the youngest of his courtiers. On one of his birth- 
 days an impudent rascal of a pickpocket had obtained 
 admission to the drawing-room, in the garb of a gentle- 
 man. He had succeeded in extracting a gold snuff-box 
 from a nobleman's pocket, and was quietly transferring it 
 to his own, when, looking up, he suddenly caught the 
 King's eye, and discovered that he had been perceived 
 by his Majesty. The fellow aware, in all probability, 
 of the King's humorous character, had the impudence 
 to put his finger to his nose, and wink knowingly at 
 Charles to hold his tongue. Shortly afterwards, the 
 King was much amused by perceiving the nobleman 
 feeling one pocket after another in search of his treasure. 
 At last he could resist no longer, and looking about him, 
 probably to make certain that the thief had escaped, he 
 called out to the injured person : " You need not, my 
 Lord, give yourself any more trouble about it : your box 
 is gone, and I own myself an accomplice. I could not 
 help it. I was made a confidant !" 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 99 
 
 Not many years since, in a similar spirit, some young 
 men invited a party to dine with them, and engaged 
 a celebrated pickpocket to wait at table, desiring him to 
 exert his utmost professional skill in abstracting the 
 purses, watches and trinkets of the company, which were 
 all to be afterwards honestly returned, and a per centage 
 paid to the thief, according to the value of what he could 
 secrete. The display of his dexterity was such, that 
 scarcely a watch or a purse remained among the party, 
 after the dinner was concluded. 
 
 A man of fashion, travelling in Spain, was shown tjie 
 Escurial, and the stupendous convent of St. Jerome. 
 The prior told him that this building was erected in 
 consequence of a vow, made by Philip, at the battle 
 of St. Quintra, in case he became victorious. " What an 
 immense edifice!" exclaimed the traveller, "the Kins: 
 must have been in a great fright !" 
 
 Horace Walpole says : " I was glad to hear the brave 
 Admiral Sir Charles Wager say, that, in his whole 
 
 life, he never killed a fly." R , who was equally 
 
 humane, hearing a lady confess that the only sport she 
 indulged in was occasionally killing a wasp, exclaimed : 
 " Then you have spoiled the balance of nature, and I 
 could not imagine till now, why I was tormented all 
 day yesterday with flies alighting on my bald head. 
 These were the flies that ought to have been killed by the 
 last wasp you massacred \ 93 Saadi, the Persian poet, says : 
 " Scorn to trample upon a worm, or sneak to an em- 
 peror." 
 
 f2 
 
100 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 An historian should feel himself giving evidence upon 
 oath, but Byron remarks that one who is perfectly im- 
 partial must be good for nothing. 
 
 People imagine that they should be happy in circum- 
 stances which they would find insupportably burthensome 
 in less than a week. A man that has been clothed in fine 
 linen and fared sumptuously every day, envies the 
 peasant under a thatched hovel ; who in return envies 
 him as much his palace and his pleasure-ground. Could 
 they change situations, the fine gentleman would find his 
 ceilings were too low, and that his casements admitted too 
 much wind ; that he had no cellar for his wine, and no 
 wine to put in his cellar. These, with a thousand other 
 mortifying deficiencies, would shatter his romantic project 
 into innumerable fragments in a moment. The clown^ 
 at the same time, w r ould find the accession of so much 
 unwieldy treasure an incumbrance quite incompatible with 
 an hour's ease. His choice would be puzzled by variety. 
 He would drink to excess, because he would foresee no 
 end to his abundance ; and he would eat himself sick for 
 the same reason. He would have no idea of any other 
 happiness than sensual gratification; would make him- 
 self a beast, and die of his good fortune. — Cowper. 
 
 Dr. Johnson w r riting to Mrs. Thrale upon Captain 
 Burney's promotion, says: "I am willing to hear that 
 there is happiness in the world, and delight to think on 
 the pleasure diffused among the Burneys. I question if 
 any ship upon the ocean goes out attended with more 
 good wishes than that which carries the fate of Burney* 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 10J 
 
 I love all of that breed, whom I can be said to know; 
 and one or two whom I hardly know, I love upon credit, 
 and love them because they love each other " 
 
 Admiral , when about to engage a Spanish ship, 
 
 wound up his men to the highest pitch of courage by this 
 address : " My good fellows ! never let it be said, that 
 we, who live on good beef and mutton, are beaten by 
 those who have nothing to eat but oranges and lemons." 
 
 When Quintana told Ferdinand that Louis XII. com- 
 plained that he had deceived him twice, the answer was, 
 a He lies, the drunkard, I have imposed upon him more 
 than ten times." 
 
 Letter from the Duchess of Somerset, 1744 : 
 There are some subjects on which my tears and my 
 pen know not how to stop when they begin to flow. Were 
 I not convinced that a wise and merciful Being chasteneth 
 for our profit, I must long since have sunk under the 
 burden of sorrow, with which God saw fit to wean my 
 foolish heart from this vain world, and show me how little 
 all the grandeur and riches of it avail to happiness. He 
 gave me a son (Lord Beauchamp), an honour to his 
 family, an ornament to his country; with a heart early 
 attached to all the duties of religion and society, joined to 
 a form which, when he came into Italy, made him known 
 by the name of "The English Angel." This justly 
 beloved son was snatched from us before we could hear of 
 his illness ; that fatal disease, the small-pox, seized him at 
 
102 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Bologna, and carried him off the evening of his nineteenth 
 birthday. Two posts before, I had a letter from him, 
 written with all the life and innocent cheerfulness inherent 
 in his nature ; the next but one came from his afflicted 
 governor to acquaint his unhappy father, that he had lost 
 the most dutiful and best of sons, the pride and hope of 
 his declining age. 
 
 In 1726, Lady Palmerston bequeathed to her husband, 
 " as a remembrance of death and also of the fondest and 
 faithfullest friend he ever had," two gold chocolate cups 
 made out of mourning rings, and used by her daily as a 
 memorial of her departed friends and of eternity. 
 
 Madame du Deffand said of her cat : " I love her ex- 
 ceedingly, because she is the most amiable creature in the 
 world, but I trouble myself very little about the degree of 
 affection she has for me. I should be sorry to lose her, 
 because I feel that I manage and perpetuate my pleasures, 
 by employing my care to perpetuate her existence." 
 
 Many endure, from an anxious fear of contingent mis- 
 chiefs, that never befall them, more torment than the 
 apprehended mischiefs themselves, though really suffered, 
 would inflict. — Boyle. 
 
 The best course when we are low-spirited and distressed 
 with anxieties, is to set ourselves to action in doing good 
 to others ; not to be satisfied with not being unkind, but 
 to try to be positively kind to every one. — Wilberforce. 
 
\ 
 
 
 ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. . 103 
 
 God loves from whole to parts — but human soul 
 Must rise from individual to the whole. 
 Friend, parent, neighbour, first it will embrace ; 
 His country next ; and next, all human race. 
 
 It was said of the late Lord Teignmouth that he lived a 
 patriarch's life, that he died a patriarch's death. In his 
 death there were no transports ; it was the maturity of a 
 character which had been long ripening. In his last 
 hours he said to his old and faithful servants, " It is my 
 duty to be as thankful for my sufferings as for my other 
 
 Fox said, " If a speech reads well, depend upon it, that 
 is not a good speech !" 
 
 "A patriot is easily made/' said Walpole. "It is 
 but refusing an unreasonable demand, and up starts a 
 patriot." 
 
 The use of learning is, to render a man more wise and 
 virtuous, not merely to make him more learned. Go on by 
 this golden rule and you cannot fail to become everything 
 your generous heart prompts you to wish to be, and that 
 mine most affectionately wishes for you. If you do not 
 rise early, you never can make any progress worth talking 
 of, and another rule is, if you do not set apart your hours 
 of reading, and never suffer yourself or any one else to 
 break in upon them, your days will slip through your 
 hands unprofitably and frivolously ; unpraised by all you 
 wish to please, and really unenjoyable to yourself. Be 
 
104 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 assured whatever you take from pleasure, amusements, or 
 indolence, for these first few years of your life, will repay 
 you a hundred-fold, in the pleasures, honors, and advan- 
 tages of all the remainder of your days. — Lord Chatham's 
 Letters to his Nephew. 
 
 Some men partake too largely of intoxicating liquor, 
 from a false honour which prevents them from refusing 
 to incur an equal risk with their companions in the common 
 assault on their faculties. — J. F. Cooper. 
 
 From Lady Mary Wortley Montague's Letters to her 
 Husband : 
 
 I am still of opinion, that it is extremely silly to submit 
 to ill fortune. One should pluck up spirit, and live upon 
 cordials when one can live upon no other nourishment,, 
 These are my present endeavours, and I run about, though 
 I have five thousand pins and needles in my heart. 
 
 I am glad you think of serving your friends. I hope 
 it will put you in mind of serving yourself. I need not 
 enlarge upon the advantages of money, everything we see, 
 and everything we hear, puts us in remembrance of it. If 
 it were possible to restore liberty to your country, or 
 limit the encroachments of the prerogative, by reducing 
 yourself to a garret, I should be pleased to share so 
 glorious a poverty with you ; but as the world is, and will 
 be, it is a sort of duty to be rich, that it may be in one's 
 power to do good ; riches being another word for power ; 
 towards the obtaining of which the first necessary qualifi- 
 cation is impudence, and (as Demosthenes said of action 
 in oratory) the second is impudence, and the third, still 
 impudence. No modest man ever did, or ever will make 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 105 
 
 his fortune. Your friend. Lord Halifax, R. Walpole, and 
 all other remarkable instances of quick advancement, 
 have been remarkably impudent. The ministry is like a 
 play at court ; there's a little door to get in, and a great 
 crowd without, shoving and thrusting who shall be fore- 
 most ; people who knock others with their elbows, disregard 
 a little kick on the shins, and still thrust heartily forwards 
 are sure of a good place. Your modest man stands 
 behind in the crowd, is shoved about by everybody, his 
 clothes torn, almost squeezed to death, and sees a thousand 
 get in before him, that don't make so good a figure as 
 himself. 
 
 I don't say it is impossible for an impudent man not to 
 rise in the world ; but a moderate merit with a large 
 share of impudence is more probable to be advanced, than 
 the greatest qualifications without it. 
 
 The reply of Titus Tacitus to Metellus : " It is easy to 
 speak against me when I make no answer; you have 
 learned to speak evil, I, my conscience bearing me witness, 
 have learned to despise evil speaking; you are master of 
 your tongue, and can make it utter what you list ; I am 
 master of my ears, and can make them hear without being 
 offended." 
 
 There is scarcely any earthly object gives me more — I 
 do not know if I should call it pleasure — but something 
 which exalts me, something which enraptures me — than to 
 walk in the sheltered side of a wood in high plantation, 
 on a cloudy winter day, and hear the stormy wind howling 
 among the trees, and raving over the plains. It is my 
 
 f3 
 
106 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 best season for devotion ; my mind is wrapped up in a 
 kind of enthusiasm to Him, who, in the pompous language 
 of the Hebrew bard, "walks on the wings of the wind." . . . 
 We know nothing or next to nothing, of the substance 
 or structure of our souls, so cannot account for those 
 seeming caprices in them, that one should be particularly 
 pleased with this thing, or struck with that, which, on 
 minds of a different cast, makes no extraordinary impres- 
 sion. I have some favourite flowers in spring, among 
 which are the mountain-daisy, the hare-bell, the fox-glove, 
 the wild briar rose, the budding birch, and the hoary 
 hawthorn, that I view and hang over with particular delight. 
 I never hear the loud, solitary whistle of the curlew in a 
 summer noon, or the wild mixing cadence of a troop of 
 grey plovers in an autumnal morning, without feeling an 
 elevation of soul like the enthusiasm of devotion or poetry. 
 Tell me, my dear friend, to what can this be owing ? are 
 we a piece of machinery, which, like the Eolian harp, 
 passive, takes the impression of the passing accident ? or 
 do these workings argue something within us above the 
 trodden clod ? — Burns' Letters. 
 
 When the eminent physician, Dr. James Hope was 
 about to commence his labours in that profession to which 
 he did so much honour, his father, who had a supreme 
 contempt for the medical profession, took him for a walk 
 in the adjoining parks of a nobleman. For some time 
 they talked on indifferent subjects. Suddenly Mr. Hope 
 stopped, drew himself erect with an air of great dignity, 
 and, as if preparing for an important speech, said : " Now, 
 James, I shall give you the advice that I promised, and 
 if you follow it, you will be sure to succeed in your 
 profession : 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 107 
 
 " 1st. Never keep a patient ill longer than you can 
 possibly help. 
 
 " 2nd. Never take a fee to which you do not feel your- 
 self to be justly entitled. 
 
 "3rd. Always pray for your patients/" 
 
 A short time before his death, Dr. Hope said, that 
 these maxims had been the rule of his conduct, and that 
 he could testify to their success. — Memoir of Dr. Hope, 
 p. 51. 
 
 Those that study no one's happiness but their own, do 
 not deserve that any one should study theirs. Pope says : 
 " I would cut off my own head if it had nothing better in 
 it but wit ; and tear out my own heart, if it had no better 
 disposition than to love only myself, and laugh at all 
 my neighbours/' Our great Creator made us for each 
 other. He gave us tears ; He gave us compassion — not 
 only for our own sorrows, but for those of our kind. He 
 who checks the order of nature and religion, and neglects 
 to create an interest in the hearts of his fellow-creatures, 
 will assuredly live to know the curse of being an isolated, 
 despised, and solitary creature. — Maria Edgeworth. 
 
 Prayer from an old Manuscript : Oh, Lord ! pardon what 
 I have been — amend what I am — and let thy goodness 
 direct what I shall be. 
 
 Campbell the poet, before his death said : " When I 
 think of the existence which shall commence when the 
 stone is laid above my head, how can literary fame appear 
 to me — to any one — but as nothing ? It is an inexpressi- 
 
108 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ble comfort, at my time of life, to be able to look back, 
 and feel that I have not written one line against religion 
 or virtue." Religious feeling was, as the closing scene 
 approached, more distinctly expressed. To his niece he 
 said: 
 
 " Come, let us sing praises unto Christ." 
 
 " Shall I pray for you V 9 she asked. 
 
 " Oh, yes \" he replied, " let us pray for each other." 
 
 The Liturgy of the Church of England was read ; he 
 expressed himself " soothed and comforted." The next 
 day, at a moment when he appeared to be sleeping heavily., 
 his lips suddenly moved, and he said, naming a long-de- 
 parted friend : " We shall see N — — to-morrow." Next 
 day he expired without a struggle. 
 
 In all our systems of conduct, whether for ourselves, or 
 for those who are to succeed us, let us ever remember, 
 that life is not a scene of idle enjoyment, but of active 
 obligation ; a scene, of which we must never imagine 
 ourselves to be merely spectators, but in which we all are 
 actors, that it is the wisdom of the all-perfect mind which 
 has determined the parts we are to perform ; and that 
 whatever may be our talents, or whatever our situation, 
 the only things that are " excellent" for us, are the 
 plain and obvious duties of our station and condition. — 
 Dr. Alison. 
 
 There is no man in the least acquainted with the history 
 of antiquity, who does not love to let his imagination 
 loose on the prospect of its remains, and to whom they 
 are not in some measure sacred, from the innumerable 
 images which they bring. Even the peasant, whose 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS, 109 
 
 knowledge of former times extends but to a few genera- 
 tions, has yet in his village some monument of the deeds 
 or virtues of his forefathers ; and cherishes with a fond 
 veneration, the memorial of those good old times to which 
 his imagination returns with delight, and of which he 
 loves to recount the simple tales that tradition has brought 
 him. And what is it that constitutes that emotion of sub- 
 lime delight, which every man of common sensibility feels 
 upon the first prospect of Rome ? It is not the scene of 
 destruction which is before him. It is not the Tiber 
 diminished in his imagination to a paltry stream, flowing 
 amid the ruins of that magnificence which it once adorned. 
 It is not the triumph of superstition over the wreck of 
 human greatness, and its monuments erected upon the 
 very spot w r here the first honours of humanity have been 
 gained. It is ancient Rome which fills his imagination. 
 It is the country of Caesar, and Cicero, and Virgil, which 
 is before him. It is the mistress of the w r orld which he 
 sees, and who seems to him to rise again from her tomb, 
 to give laws to the universe. All that the labours of his 
 youth, or the studies of his maturer age have acquired, 
 with regard to the history of this great people, open at 
 once before his imagination, and present him with a field 
 of high and solemn imagery, which can never be exhausted. 
 Take from him those associations— conceal from him that 
 it is Rome that he sees, and how different would be his 
 emotion. — Alison, on Taste. 
 
 When Lord Bathurst ventured with his usual good 
 taste to follow the natural lines of a valley, in widening a 
 brook at Ry skins, this effect of his excellent judgment 
 was attributed to his poverty, or to his economy, and 
 
J 10 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Lord Stafford said to him : " Own fairly how little more it 
 would have cost you to make it straight !" 
 
 " The definition of a true patriot/' says the c Examiner/ 
 " is a good hater/' 
 
 Lord Chatham said in one of his speeches : " Not a 
 gun shall be fired in Europe without England knowing 
 why." 
 
 cc Man never is, but always to be bless' d !" Very few 
 can be said truly to live now, but are preparing to live 
 another time. Always occupied with what they wish to 
 be, and never with what they are ; the only thing they 
 never attempt is, to be satisfied with their present lot. 
 " Cheerfulness is the best hymn to the Divinity, and to 
 drop your hold on any innocent pleasure of life, is the 
 sooner to reduce yourself to the indifference and passive 
 vegetation of old age." One of Sir Walter Scott's great 
 maxims was : " Never to be doing nothing /' and thus he 
 had leisure for everything. 
 
 Southey said to a low-spirited friend : " Translate 
 * Tristram Shandy' into Hebrew, and you will be a happy 
 
 To Wilberforce, society was not merely his delight or 
 his passion ; it was the necessity of his existence. He 
 mixed freely, and on equal terms, with all the men and 
 women of his age, the most eminent in wit, in genius, and 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. Ill 
 
 in learning : and drank in, with the keenest relish, every 
 variety of colloquial eloquence. Yet he not merely en- 
 dured, but rejoiced in companions, whose absence would 
 have been a luxury to any one but himself. "When Pitt, 
 and Burke, and Sheridan were not to be had, he would 
 take the most cordial pleasure in the talk of the most 
 woollen of his constituents at Leeds. When Madame de 
 Stael and Mrs. Crewe were away, some dowager from the 
 Cathedral Whist Club became his inspiring muse, and, 
 for the moment would seem herself to be half inspired. 
 Darkness fled at his approach. The most somnolent 
 awakened at his presence. The heaviest countenance 
 caught some animation from his eye. The listless pri- 
 soner of an easy chair gave out some sparks of intellect, 
 when brought into a friendly collision with him. — Sir J. 
 Stephen. 
 
 Petrarca closed his literary career, with these last words 
 at the end of a letter to Boccaccio : " Adieu, my friends ! 
 adieu, my correspondence." Soon afterwards he was 
 found dead in his library, with his arm leaning on a 
 book. 
 
 Voltaire's definition of metaphysics : " Quand celui qui 
 ecoute n'entend rien, et celui qui parle n'entend plus, 
 c'est metaphysique." 
 
 The manner of a vulgar man has freedom without 
 ease, and the manner of a gentleman has ease without 
 freedom. 
 
112 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 President Jefferson/ one of the greatest men in America, 
 thus states his opinion of human life : " Perfect happiness, 
 I believe, was never intended by the Deity to be the lot 
 of one of His creatures in this world ; but that He has 
 very much put in our power the nearness of our ap- 
 proaches to it, is what I have steadfastly believed. 
 
 " The most fortunate of us, in our journey through life, 
 frequently meet with calamities and misfortunes which 
 may greatly afflict us ; and, to fortify our minds against 
 the attacks of these calamities and misfortunes, should be 
 one of the principal studies and endeavours of our lives. 
 The only method of doing this is, to assume a perfect 
 resignation to the Divine will, to consider that whatever 
 does happen, must happen ; and that by our uneasiness, 
 we cannot prevent the blow before it does fall, but we 
 may add to its force after it has fallen. These considera- 
 tions, and others such as these, may enable us in some 
 measure to surmount the difficulties thrown in our way ; 
 to bear up with a tolerable degree of patience under this 
 burden of life, and to proceed with a pious and unshaken 
 resignation, till we arrive at our journey 's end, where we 
 may deliver up our trust into the hands of Him who gave 
 it. Such should be the language of every man who 
 would wish to render his situation as easy as the nature of 
 it will admit. Few things will disturb him at all : nothing 
 will disturb him much." 
 
 An English legislative assembly, in its most excited 
 state, conveys but a faint notion of the phrenzied rage 
 which sometimes agitates the French. Mirabeau, inter- 
 rupted once at every sentence by an insult, with " slan- 
 derer," " liar," " assassin," " rascal," rattling round him, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 113 
 
 addressed the most furious of his assailants in the softest 
 tone he could assume, saying: "I pause, gentlemen, till 
 these civilities are exhausted \" 
 
 The minister of a Scotch parish having died, his favourite 
 dog followed his body to the grave, and no inducement 
 could persuade the faithful animal to leave the place. 
 Night and day, bad weather and good, did the dog remain 
 stretched on the grave. The people of the neighbour- 
 hood, finding all their endeavours to entice him away 
 fruitless, and respecting his fidelity, fed and protected 
 him. This continued for weeks — indeed until some time 
 after the manse was tenanted by the new minister, whose 
 wife, from some wretched feeling of superstition, caused 
 the dog to be killed. May the mourners over her own 
 grave be better treated. — St. John's Tour. 
 
 Bishop Taylor points out how the Christian can ex- 
 tract good from the worst of evils, and that even our 
 bitterest enemies perform unintentionally the office of 
 friends. "They tell us our faults, with all their de- 
 formities and aggravations ; they offer us affronts, which 
 exercise our patience, and restrain us from scandalous 
 follies, lest we become a scorn and reproof 1 to them that 
 hate us ; and it is not the least of God's mercies that He 
 permits enmities among men, by means of which our 
 failings are reproved more sharply, and corrected w r ith 
 more severity and simplicity, than they would otherwise 
 be. The gentle hand of a friend is more apt to bind our 
 wounds up, than to probe them and make them smart/' 
 A more glorious victory cannot be gained over another 
 
114 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 man than this — that where the injury began on his part, 
 the kindness should begin on ours. 
 
 It would be well for persons who limit their sym- 
 pathies within the narrow circle of a drawing-room, 
 where they bestow it only on the few who belong to 
 their own " set," if they could often study the works of 
 men whose good offices would extend over every indi- 
 vidual within the reach of their benevolent regard. 
 " Whatever expands the affections, or enlarges the 
 sphere of our sympathies; whatever makes us feel our 
 relation to the universe, i and all that it inherits/ to time 
 and to eternity, to the great and beneficent Cause of all, 
 must unquestionably refine our nature," says Channing, 
 " and elevate us in the scale of being." 
 
 When Mirabeau was dying, he called for the removal 
 of " those funeral things," saying : " Give me flowers, 
 essences, music — and opium !" His physicians gave him 
 water, calling it laudanum. He drank it, and died ! 
 
 At Athens, a young man was condemned to death by 
 the Arcophagus, for having killed a dove, which, pursued 
 by a hawk, flew to him for refuge. They thought that he 
 who was without pity or sympathy, could never prove a 
 good citizen. 
 
 The Lord Chief Justice Kenyon once said to a rich 
 friend, asking his opinion as to the probable success of a 
 son : " Sir, let your son forthwith spend his fortune ; 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 1 1 5 
 
 marry, and spend his wife's; and then he may be expected 
 to apply with energy to his profession." 
 
 Change, endless mutation, is the thing; and while 
 people are chasing a Proteus with vain diligence, the pur- 
 suit leaves no leisure for friendship, or for any serious or 
 tranquil enjoyment. People must wear everything that is 
 new — must read everything that is new — and for that only 
 reason ; must be everywhere, see everything, and know 
 everybody. The consequence is, that they are like rich 
 people's children, who know no pleasure but getting new 
 toys, breaking them, and throwing them away; while 
 our's build a house of turf and pebbles, spend a whole 
 day in gathering materials; call and almost think it a 
 palace, when they have done ; and then rejoice over it 
 for a week, from the triumph of their conscious efforts in 
 producing it. — Mrs, Grant's Letters, vol. ii, p. 291. 
 
 Swift, finding his advice not well listened to at a party, 
 impatiently exclaimed : " My exhortations could not be 
 less attended to, if they were delivered from the pulpit." 
 
 Dr. Arnold, on the last evening of his life, retired cheerful, 
 and apparently well, from his family circle, and wrote in 
 his Diary the following words. Next morning, he was 
 attacked, for the first time, by symptoms of heart com- 
 plaint, and after little more than two hours of suffering, 
 expired. 
 
 "The day after to-morrow is my birthday, if I am 
 permitted to see it — my forty-seventh birthday since my 
 
116 THE KALEIDOSCOPE Otf 
 
 birth. How large a portion of my life on earth is already 
 passed ! And then — what is to follow this life ? How 
 visibly my outward work seems contracting, and softening 
 away into the gentler employments of old age ! In 
 one sense, how nearly can I now say, c Vixi; y and I 
 thank God, that as far as ambition is concerned, it is, 
 I trust, fully mortified. I have no desire other than to 
 step back from my present place in the world, and not 
 to rise to a higher. Still, there are w r orks which, with 
 God's permission, I would do before the night cometh ; 
 especially that great work, if I might be permitted to 
 take part in it. But, above all, let me mind my own 
 personal work — to keep myself pure, and zealous, and 
 believing; labouring to do God's will, yet not anxious 
 that it should be done by me, rather than by others, if 
 God disapproves of my doing it." — Arnold's Life, vol. ii, 
 p. 329. 
 
 There is in this life no happiness without duty, and 
 no evil we cannot more easily fly from, than the conscious- 
 ness of duty disregarded. A sense of duty pursues us 
 for ever. It is omnipresent, like the Deity. If we take 
 to ourselves the wings of the morning, and dwell in the 
 utmost parts of the seas, duty performed, or duty vio- 
 lated, is still with us, for our happiness or our misery. 
 If we say the darkness shall cover us, in the darkness as 
 in the light our obligations are yet with us. We cannot 
 escape|their power, nor fly from their presence. They 
 are with us in this life, will be with us at its close; and in 
 that scene of inconceivable solemnity which lies yet further 
 onward, we shall find ourselves surrounded by the con- 
 sciousness of duty, to pain us whenever it has been vio- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 117 
 
 lated, and to console us, so far as God may have given us 
 grace to perform it. 
 
 Receive the gifts of fortune without pride, and part with 
 them without reluctance. — Marcus Antoninus. 
 
 Loving God, is to be truly satisfied with what God does 
 in the world. 
 
 Some people consider it beneath them to do good on a 
 small scale, and satisfy themselves with looking out for 
 those great occasions when they may pay up the whole 
 debt of negligence of the feelings and wants of others, 
 by a round sacrifice of their money or their time ; while 
 they let the current business of the day pass, without 
 contributing, by a single smile of approbation, or a word 
 of encouragement, to augment the smaller enjoyments of 
 their fellow- creatures. — Capt. Hall. 
 
 Among the various antediluvian remains, none has 
 ever been discovered of man ; no work of human art, 
 no column nor chiselled stone, nor implement of war or 
 husbandry. This shows that men had peopled but a very 
 small part of the earth, and that their existence had not 
 been of longer duration than Moses assigns them. 
 
 Guard against that vanity which courts a compliment, 
 or is fed by it. — Chalmers. 
 
118 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 We keep no bees ; but if I lived in a hive, I should 
 hardly hear more of their music. All the bees in the 
 neighbourhood resort to a bed of mignionette, opposite to 
 the window, and pay me for the honey they get out of it 
 by a hum, which, though rather monotonous, is as agree- 
 able to my ear as the whistling of linnets. All the sounds 
 that nature utters are delightful, at least in this country. 
 1 should not perhaps find the roaring of lions in Africa, 
 or of bears in Russia, very pleasing ; but I know no beast 
 in England, whose voice T do not account musical, save 
 and except always the braying of an ass. The notes of all 
 our birds and fowls please me, without one exception. 
 I should not indeed think of keeping a goose in a cage, 
 that I might hang him up in the parlour, for the sake of 
 his melody 5 but a goose upon a common, or in a farm- 
 yard, is no bad performer. Seriously, it strikes me as a 
 very observable instance of providential kindness to man, 
 that such an exact accord has been contrived between his 
 ear and the sounds with which, at least in a rural situa- 
 tion, it is almost every moment visited. All the world is 
 sensible of the uncomfortable effect which some sounds 
 have upon the nerves, and consequently upon the spirits ; 
 and if a sinful world had been filled with such as would 
 have curdled the blood, and have made the sense of hear- 
 ing a continual inconvenience, I do not know that we 
 should have had a right to complain. — Coivper's Letters. 
 
 
 In conversation, a wise man may be at a loss how to 
 begin ; but a fool never knows how to stop. 
 
 It is in the nature of u circumstance " to attract every 
 little thing towards it. Nothing is too common. Keble 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 119 
 
 suggests a happy illustration, from the " History of Ma- 
 dame de la Rochejacqueline/' Overwhelmed with grief, 
 plundered of her property, and flying from cruel ene- 
 mies, she nevertheless adds, that while following the 
 litter of her wounded husband, her feet were pinched by 
 tight shoes ! — Rev, R. A. Wilmott. 
 
 In England, we too often find a supercilious and 
 pedantic derision of all originality; all deviations from 
 recognised standards. Long was the proud spirit of 
 Hogarth made to writhe under the neglect and parsimony 
 of those would-be patrons of art, who were squandering 
 hundreds on bad copies of the old Italian masters, of 
 which the originals did not display half the genius which 
 might have been discovered in his despised performances. 
 His " Strolling Actresses/' the wit and humour in w T hich 
 are without end; where into the darkest nook the artist 
 has put meaning ; and there is instruction or sarcasm in 
 all that he has introduced; that picture was sold for 
 £27. 6s. to the wealthy Beckford, who thought the price 
 too much, and returned it to the painter! In 1745, 
 Hogarth sold this and eighteen others of his best pictures 
 for little more than £22 a-piece. Such was the reward of 
 the only artist, of whom, at that time, England had reason 
 to be proud. Yet these pictures wanted not such advan- 
 tages as competition couid afford, for they were sold by 
 auction, and the sale, w r e are told, was well attended. 
 
 Hogarth, despairing of other means, attempted, five 
 years afterwards, to dispose also by auction of his cele- 
 brated series, " The Marriage-a-la-Mode." The result of 
 the experiment is told by the purchaser, Mr. Lane : " On the 
 
120 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 6th of June, 1750, which was to decide the fate of this 
 capital work, when I arrived at the ' Golden Head/ ex- 
 pecting, as was the case formerly, to find his study full of 
 noble and great personages, I only found Hogarth and 
 his friend, Dr. Parsons, Secretary to the Royal Society. 
 I had bid .£110 : no one arrived ; and ten minutes before 
 twelve, I told the artist I would make the pounds guineas. 
 The clock struck, and Mrs. Hogarth wished me joy of 
 my purchase, hoping it was an agreeable one. I said : 
 ' Perfectly so/ Dr. Parsons was very much disturbed, 
 and Hogarth very much disappointed, and truly with 
 great reason. The former told me the painter had hurt 
 himself by naming so early an hour for the sale ; and 
 Hogarth, who overheard him, said, in a marked tone and 
 manner : ' Perhaps, it may be so/ I concurred in the 
 same opinion, said he was poorly rewarded for his labour, 
 and, if he chose, he might have till three o'clock to find 
 a better bidder. Hogarth warmly accepted the offer, and 
 Dr. Parsons proposed to make it public. I thought this 
 unfair, and forbade it. At one o' clock, Hogarth said : 
 c I shall trespass no longer on your generosity : you are 
 the proprietor ; and if you are pleased with the purchase, 
 I am abundantly so with the purchaser/ But Hogarth 
 was not doomed to perpetual neglect. The pictures thus 
 condemned by the discerning public of 1750, were sold, 
 in 1797, to Mr. Angerstein, for .£1381, and* are now 
 among the ornaments of our National Gallery." — Cun- 
 ningham's Lives of British Painters. 
 
 Wilberforce had a keen perception of beauty and excel- 
 lence in nature, literature, and art. The alchymy of his 
 happy frame extracted some delight from the dullest 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 121 
 
 pamphlet, the tamest scenery, and the heaviest speech. 
 This peculiarity is noticed by Sir James Mackintosh, with 
 his accustomed delicacy of touch, in the following words : 
 " Do you remember Madame de Maintenon's exclamation, 
 ' Oh ! the misery of having to amuse an old king, who is 
 not amusable V Now, if I were called upon to describe 
 Wilberforce, I should say he was the most c amusable 9 
 man I ever met with in my life. Instead of having to 
 think what subjects will interest him, it is perfectly im- 
 possible to hit on one that does not interest him. I 
 never saw any one who touched life at so many points ; 
 and it is the more remarkable in a man who is supposed 
 to live absorbed in the contemplations of a future state. 
 When he was in the House of Commons, he seemed to 
 have the freshest mind of any man there. There was all 
 the charm of youth about him; and he is quite as 
 remarkable in this bright evening of his days, as when 
 I saw him in his glory many years ago." 
 
 Who that ever joined Wilberforce in his hour of daily 
 exercise, cannot see him now as he walked round his 
 garden at Highwood, now in animated and even playful 
 conversation ; and then drawing from his copious pockets 
 (to contain " Dalrymple's State Papers," was their standard 
 measure) a Psalter, a Horace, a Shakspeare, or Cowper, 
 and reading or reciting chosen passages, and then catching 
 at long-stored flower-leaves, as the wind blew them from 
 the pages ; or standing by a favourite gumcistus to repair 
 the loss. Then he would point out the harmony of the 
 tints, the beauty of the pencilling, and the perfection of 
 the colouring ; and sum up all into those ascriptions of 
 praise to the Almighty, which were ever welling from his 
 grateful heart. He loved flowers, with all the simple 
 delight of childhood. He would hover from bed to bed 
 
122 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 over his favourites ; and when he came in, even from his 
 shortest walk, he deposited a few that he had gathered 
 safely in his room, before he joined the breakfast- table. 
 Often would he say, as he enjoyed their fragrance : 
 <c How good is God to us ! What should we think of 
 a friend who had furnished us with a magnificent house, 
 and all we needed, and then coming in to see that all had 
 been provided according to his wishes, should be hurt to 
 find that no scents had been placed in the rooms ? Yet 
 so has God dealt with us ; lovely flowers are the smiles of 
 His goodness ¥■ 
 
 The son of Bonaparte having been educated in Austria, 
 became so isolated from all French association, that when 
 one of Napoleon^s old officers was on the point of return- 
 ing home, after visiting the Duke de Reichstadt at Vienna, 
 the young Prince said to him : " I know no one at Paris, 
 but salute for me the column in the Place Vendome." 
 
 Lord Clarendon, writing in 1646 to Lady Dalkeith, 
 complains of the growing indifference to religion, and 
 ends by exclaiming : u I pray God to preserve poor Eng- 
 land from being invaded by the Turks, for sure men would 
 give their Christianity and two years purchase for the 
 preservation of their estates." 
 
 Let us think of the hours, days, and years of grief we 
 have undergone after some apparently slight mistake, 
 omission, or fault — some hasty word said, perhaps, or 
 some kind action omitted to those who are no more — and 
 then measure what shall be the agonies of our remorse 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 123 
 
 hereafter, when we can duly estimate the number and the 
 greatness of all our errors through life, in respect to God, 
 our friends, and ourselves. 
 
 The Marchioness de Lambert remarked once : " How 
 happy it is to live with oneself, to find oneself again with 
 pleasure, to leave oneself with regret. The world is less 
 necessary to one." 
 
 Frederick the Great said to Lord Titchfield: "If I 
 were three days on the throne of England, Fd make you 
 know what it is to have a King." 
 
 " Please your Majesty," replied the young nobleman, 
 " I do not think you would be able to keep your seat for 
 three hours." 
 
 He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over 
 which he must pass himself ; for every man has need to 
 be forgiven. — Lord Herbert. 
 
 Whilst earthly objects are exhausted by familiarity, the 
 thought of God becomes to the devout man continually 
 brighter, richer, vaster ; derives fresh lustre from all that 
 he observes of nature and providence, and attracts to 
 itself all the glories of the universe. The devout man, 
 especially in moments of strong religious sensibility, 
 feels distinctly that he has found the true happiness of 
 man. He has found a Being for his veneration and love, 
 whose character is inexhaustible — who, after ages shall 
 have passed, will still be uncomprehended in the extent of 
 His perfections, and will still communicate to the pure 
 mind stronger proofs of His excellence and more intimate 
 signs of His approval, — Charming, vol. i, p. 388, 
 
 g2 
 
 \ 
 
124 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The last will of Robert North, in 1773, might make 
 men smile, yet with a pleasing sympathy in the quaint 
 old man's peculiarly whimsical style : 
 
 " I give unto Mrs. R G my English-walnut 
 
 bureau, made large to contain clothes, but hope she will 
 not forget that graces and virtues are a lady's most orna- 
 mental dress, which dress has this peculiarity, that it will 
 last for ever, and improve by wearing. 
 
 " I give to Lieutenant W M — '• — my sword, and 
 
 hope he will, if ever occasion shall require it, convince a 
 rash world he has learned to obey his God as well as his 
 general, and that he entertains too true a sense of honour 
 ever to admit anything in the character of a good soldier 
 which is inconsistent with the duty of a good Chris- 
 tian. 
 
 "And now having, I hope, made a proper disposition 
 of my lands and money, these pearls of great price in the 
 present esteem of men, let me take this opportunity of 
 expressing my gratitude to the grand original Proprietor ; 
 and here I must direct my praises to that benign Being, 
 who through all the stages of my life hath encompassed 
 me with a profusion of favours, and who, by a wonderful 
 and gracious Providence, hath converted my very mis- 
 fortunes and disappointments into blessing. 
 
 " All my faults and follies, almost infinite as they have 
 been, I leave behind me, with wishes, that as they have 
 here their birth and origin, they may here be buried in 
 everlasting oblivion. 
 
 "It will be a life worth dying for indeed, when instead 
 of sickness, gloominess, and sorrow, the melancholy retinue 
 of sin, and a house of clay, joy and immortal youth shall 
 be in attendance, and for a palace, the habitation of the 
 King of Kings/' 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. , 125 
 
 Pope Alexander VIII. said of the Abbe de Polignac : 
 fe This young man has the art of persuading you to believe 
 everything he pleases. Whilst he appears at first to be 
 of your opinion, he is artfully maintaining a contrary one ; 
 but he gains his end with so much address, that he finishes 
 always by convincing you he is right." 
 
 The great aim of a Christian woman will always be, so 
 to make others happy that their feelings shall be attuned 
 to the reception of better thoughts than those which relate 
 to mere personal enjoyment — so to make others happy, as 
 to win them over to a full perception of the loveliness of 
 those Christian virtues which her own life and conduct 
 consistently set forth. 
 
 We celebrate nobler obsequies to those we love, by 
 drying the tears of others, than by shedding our own ; 
 and the fairest funeral wreath we can hang on their tomb, 
 is not so fair as a fruit-offering of good deeds. 
 
 There is a kind of luck, we think, in the inheritance of 
 fame, as well as of more substantial possessions. In the 
 history of great transactions, there are always some fortu- 
 nate names that come instantly to the lips of all the 
 world, and stick close to the slightest and most popular 
 recollections of the event; while others, at least as well 
 entitled to that distinction, are left without honour or 
 notoriety. But this is by no means the worst of For- 
 tune's caprices in the distribution of historical glory. It 
 is a case at least as common, that where some great benefit 
 has been conferred on society by the joint efforts of many, 
 
126 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 some, who have had but a light share of the labour, run 
 away with all the praise ; while the chief agents, by whose 
 spirit and zeal the victory was hardly won, get little more 
 than the blame which human infirmity has made insepa- 
 rable from all human exertions, and are left to answer for 
 whatever excesses and imperfections an ungrateful posterity 
 may discover or imagine in their proceedings. — Edinburgh 
 Review. 
 
 When Lord Chatham was advised to retaliate on the 
 Dutch merchants for several outrageous frauds on the 
 English, by seizing their immense property in our funds, 
 he replied : " If Satan himself had money there, it must 
 rest secure." 
 
 When Henry Arnaud, Bishop of Angers, was exhorted 
 by his friends to take one day in the week for recreation 
 from clerical business, he replied : " Yes, with all my 
 heart, if you will point me out a day in which I am not a 
 Bishop !» 
 
 Prom the " Memoirs of Dr. Chalmers," by the Rev. 
 W. Hannon : 
 
 "My confinement (during sickness) has fixed on my 
 he&rt a very strong impression of the insignificance of 
 time — an impression which I trust will not abandon me, 
 though I again reach the heyday of health and vigour. 
 This should be the first step to another impression still 
 more salutary — the magnitude of eternity. Strip human 
 life of its connection with a higher scene of existence, and 
 it is the illusion of an instant — an unmeaning farce — a 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 127 
 
 series of visions, and projects, and convulsive efforts, 
 which terminate in nothing. I have been reading • Pas- 
 cal's Thoughts on Religion/ You know his history — a 
 man of the richest endowments, and whose youth was 
 signalized by his profound and original speculations in 
 mathematical science, but who could stop short in the 
 brilliant career of discovery, who could resign all the 
 splendours of literary reputation, who could renounce 
 without a sigh all the distinctions which are conferred 
 upon genius, and resolve to devote every talent and every 
 hour to the defence and illustration of the Gospel, This, 
 my dear Sir, is superior to all Greek and to all Roman 
 fame." 
 
 I am struck by the Spanish discovery of the mines of 
 Potosi. An Indian, pursuing deer, to save himself from 
 slipping over a rock, seized a bush with his hand ; the 
 violence of the wrench loosened the earth round the root, 
 and a small piece of silver attracted his eye. He carried 
 it home, and returned for more, A torn-up shrub dis- 
 closes a silver-mine. In the waste places of our mor- 
 tality, there is not a common flower which has not some 
 precious ore at its root. We catch at the broken reed, 
 and the treasure appears. — Summer Time in the Country. 
 
 When some Frenchmen complimented Voltaire on his 
 vindication of the French character, he replied : " But. 
 gentlemen, your conduct has thoroughly refuted me !" 
 
 M. Thiers said of Madame de StaeFs writings : " They 
 are the perfection of mediocrity." 
 
128 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Selfishness produces selfishness; indolence increases 
 with every hour of indulgence ; and what is left undone 
 because it is difficult to-day, will be doubly difficult 
 to-morrow. Happiness depends upon the prudent con- 
 stitution of the habits, and it is the business of religion, 
 not so much to extinguish our desires as to regulate and 
 direct them to valuable well-chosen objects. There is 
 nothing which makes a being, of a pure heart, so happy 
 as to feel of importance to those he loves, to be able, at 
 the close of each succeeding day, to say : " I have proved 
 myself a good and faithful friend; I have not thought 
 of my own gratifications, but have given myself, honestly 
 and unreservedly, to the interests and the comfort of 
 those whom above all on earth, I was bound to cherish/* 
 Of all projects the most impracticable for a social being, 
 is to be the only person happy. — Godwin. 
 
 The curate of a London parish, who has great ex- 
 perience of death-bed scenes, being asked how people 
 generally meet their end, replied : " Either they wish for 
 it as a relief from suffering, or they are not conscious of 
 it." Even Dr. Johnson, who dreaded death so much 
 at a distance, seems to have feared it as little on its 
 arrival as other people ; and to many persons with right 
 views, who have had a liberal allowance of sickness and 
 sorrow, death becomes an object not so much of appre- 
 hension as of curiosity and interest. This state of mind 
 is not only necessary for our comfort during health, but 
 for our safety during sickness. An able physician once 
 said, that in a dangerous illness, a Christian would have a 
 better chance of recovery than an unbeliever; that reli- 
 gious resignation was a better soothing medicine than 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 129 
 
 poppy, and a better cordial than aether ; a habitual horror 
 of death overshadows the mind, darkening the little day- 
 light of life. An indulgence in a morbid excess of 
 apprehension, not only embitters a man's existence, but 
 often shortens its duration. He hastens the advance 
 of death by the fear with which his frame is seized 
 at its real or imaginary approach. His trembling hand 
 involuntarily shakes the glass in which his hours are 
 numbered. — Dr. Reid. 
 
 May coward shame distain his name, 
 The wretch that dares not die ! — Burns. 
 
 During a learned argument on the truth of Revelation, 
 Whiston^ pointing to a nettle, told Dr. Clarke it con- 
 tained better evidence of the existence of Deity than all 
 his metaphysics. 
 
 General Wolfe kept his intention of attacking Quebec 
 a profound secret till the evening before, while dropping 
 down the St. Lawrence, when Professor Robinson, then a 
 midshipman in command of an adjoining boat, over- 
 heard a gentleman repeating to the General, Gray's Elegy. 
 Wolfe's observation upon it was the first intimation his 
 officers had that the attack would take place next day. 
 The remark was a noble panegyric, and one as honourable 
 to the soldier as to the poet : "I would rather/' he said, 
 " have been the author of that piece than beat the French 
 to-morrow." 
 
 Brydone, the traveller, in his old age, heard his own 
 adventures in Sicily read aloud by his family, and quite 
 
 g3 
 
130 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 unconscious that these were the scenes which his own 
 eyes had seen and his own lively pen described, he 
 declared, " that it was all very amusing, but he wondered 
 if it was true !" 
 
 When Voltaire was very ill, and obliged to see many 
 visitors, he said : "I am like Spartacus, amazed at my 
 glory ! — I am smothered, but it is with noses." 
 
 The French, in honour of Voltaire, outdid the English 
 custom of throwing bouquets to a favourite actor, for the 
 last time Voltaire went to the theatre at Paris, to see his 
 own tragedy of ' Irene/ one of the actors approached and 
 placed on his head a crown. Voltaire exclaimed in an 
 extacy of gratified vanity : " Ah ! you are resolved to kill 
 me I" The curtain afterwards drew up, and all the actors and 
 actresses were displayed, surrounding the bust of Voltaire, 
 and placing by turns, amidst bursts of applause from the 
 audience, crowns of laurel on his head, Voltaire's death 
 took place almost immediately afterwards. 
 
 The confession of evil works is the first beginning of 
 good works. — St. Augustine. 
 
 Newspapers were first invented by a French physician, 
 who finding his visits welcome, whenever he brought any 
 news or gossip, applied to Cardinal Richelieu for a patent 
 to publish the Paris Gazette in 1622. 
 
 Neither social enjoyments, nor the tenderness of domestic 
 life^, could ever long repel the melancholy which brooded 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 131 
 
 over Luther's overburdened mind. It breaks out in 
 every part of his correspondence, and tinges all his 
 recorded conversation. " Because/' he says, " my manner 
 is sometimes gay and joyous, many think that I am always 
 treading on roses. God knows what is in my heart. 
 There is nothing in this life which gives me pleasure ; I 
 am tired of it. May the Lord come quickly and take me 
 hence. Let Him come to His final judgment — I await the 
 blow. Let Him hurl His thunders, that I may be at rest. 
 Forty years more life ! I would not purchase paradise at 
 such a price ! 
 
 " Gaiety and a light heart, in all virtue and decorum, 
 are the best medicine for the young or rather for all. I 
 who have passed my life in dejection and gloomy thoughts, 
 now catch at enjoyment, come from what quarter it may, 
 and even seek for it. Criminal pleasure, indeed, comes 
 from Satan, but that which we find in the society of good 
 and pious men is approved by God. Ride, hunt with 
 your friends, amuse yourself in their company. Solitude 
 and melancholy are poison. They are deadly to all, but 
 above all, to the young/' — Sir. J. Stephen. 
 
 So sacred did Charles V. hold the rights of hospitality, 
 that once when a swallow had built her nest upon his 
 tent, and his camp was about to be moved, the Emperor 
 ordered the tent to remain standing till her young should 
 have fled ! There is hardly any fact in Charles's life, 
 wliich does more honour to his heart. 
 
 It is related of Madame Roland, that on the night 
 preceding her execution, she employed herself in playing 
 
132 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 on a musical instrument ; and drew forth such tones of 
 horror, as thrilled the hearts of her fellow-prisoners. 
 
 Sorrow seems sent for our instruction, as we darken the 
 cages of birds, when we would teach them to sing. — Jean 
 Paul. 
 
 Cowley remarks, " There is the solitude of a God, and 
 the solitude of a wild beast." 
 
 An Arab woman who had been in England for four 
 years, was eagerly beset on her return, by a number of 
 her former neighbours, who wished to gratify their 
 curiosity about England. " What did you see there ? 
 Is it a fine country ? Are the people rich ? Are they 
 happy ?" She answered in the affirmative. Her audience 
 were filled with envy of the English, and a gloom over- 
 spread them which shewed discontent at their own condition. 
 They were departing with this sentiment, when the woman 
 happened to say, " England certainly wants one thing." 
 " What is that ?" said the Arabs eagerly. " There is not a 
 single date tree in the whole country." " Are you sure V 9 
 was the general exclamation. " Positive," said the old 
 woman, " I looked for nothing else all the time I was 
 there, but I looked in vain." This information produced 
 an instantaneous change of feeling among the Arabs. It 
 was pity, not envy, that now filled their breasts, and they 
 went away wondering how men could live in a country 
 where there were no date trees. — Sir J. Malcolm's 
 Sketches in Persia, vol. i, p. 76. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 133 
 
 The young to be happy, need some of the sober qualities 
 of age ; and the old to be pleasing, should retain some of 
 the warmth belonging to youth. Age pictured in the 
 mind, is winter decrepitude retiring in the evening to the 
 comfortable shelter of a fireside, where, secure from the 
 rage of elements, and weary of vain pursuits, it can be 
 gratified with talking of sorrows overcome and pleasures 
 remembered, with moderate regret, seeking only to wear 
 down the last stage of life with ease, and leaving excite- 
 ment or folly for those to whom by nature they belong. 
 
 It was said of the famous Colonel Chartres : u He has 
 been guilty of every human vice — except hypocrisy." 
 
 It is the motive more than anything else that renders 
 an action good or bad. However fair the look of an action 
 may be, if the right motive be wanting, the action is 
 hollow ; if the motive be a bad one, the action is rotten at 
 the core. Who cares for an outward seeming or show of 
 friendship or affection, unless the heart be also friendly 
 and affectionate ? Who does not prize a rough outside, 
 when it covers an honest inside, more than the most 
 fawning fondness from a heart that is cold and false ? Thus 
 it is right to insist on the principles for their own sake ; 
 because the principles give their value to the action, not 
 the action to the principles. The principles are the gold 
 on which the stamp is to be put, if the gold be not good, 
 the stamp, though it may often deceive people, gives it 
 no real worth; and he who graves the king's image on 
 base metal, is punished for forgery. — Hare. 
 
134 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Genius begins where rules end ; when a painter is master 
 of every rule already found out — let one more rule be 
 added — not to be confined by any, but to think for 
 himself. 
 
 Dr. Watts in the prospect of death said : " I bless God, 
 I can lie down with comfort at night, unsolicitous whether 
 I awake in this world or another." 
 
 I am much obliged to you for the voyages which I 
 received, and begun to read last night. My imagination 
 is so captivated upon these occasions, that I seem to 
 partake with the navigators in all the dangers they en- 
 countered. I lose my anchor ; my mainsail is rent into 
 shreds; I kill a shark, and by signs converse with a 
 Patagonian, and all this without moving from the fireside. 
 The principal fruits of these circuits that have been made 
 around the globe, seem likely to be the amusement of 
 those that staid at home. — Cowper's Letters. 
 
 Health is God's gift, but what use we make of it is our 
 choice. Bodily strength is God's gift, but of what advan- 
 tage it shall be to us depends upon ourselves. Even so 
 the higher gift of the spirit remains a gift, the value of 
 which will be exceedingly great ; will be little, will be 
 none ; will be even an increase of guilt and condemnation, 
 according as it is applied and obeyed, or neglected and 
 withstood. — Bishop Tomline. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 135 
 
 We are never so fortunate or so unfortunate as we think 
 ourselves. 
 
 From Goldsmith's Letter to his Brother : 
 " Teach, my dear Sir, to your son, thrift and economy. 
 Let his poor wandering uncle's example be placed before 
 his eyes. I had learned from books to be disinterested 
 and generous, before I was taught from experience the 
 necessity of being prudent. I had contracted the habits 
 and notions of a philosopher, while I was exposing myself 
 to the approaches of insidious cunning; and often by 
 being, even with my narrow finances, charitable to 
 excess, I forgot the rules of justice, and placed myself in 
 the very situation of the wretch who thanked me for my 
 bounty. When I am in the remotest part of the world, 
 tell him this, and perhaps he may improve from my example. 
 But I find myself again falling into my gloomy habits of 
 thinking." — Irving's Life of Goldsmith, p. 67. 
 
 " You may easily imagine what difficulties I have to 
 encounter/' says Goldsmith, " without friends, recom- 
 mendation, money, or impudence. Many in such circum- 
 stances, would have recourse to the friar's cord or the 
 suicide's halter. But, with all my follies, I had principle 
 to resist the one, and resolution to combat the other." — 
 Irving 3 s Life of Goldsmith, p. 40. 
 
 At length, we find Goldsmith launched on the great 
 metropolis, or rather drifting about its streets, at night, 
 in the gloomy month of February, with but a few half- 
 pence in his pocket. The deserts of Arabia are not more 
 
136 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 dreary and inhospitable than the streets of London at such 
 a time, to a stranger in such a plight. 
 
 " Why," exclaims the kind-hearted Goldsmith, " why 
 was I born a man, and yet see the sufferings of wretches 
 I cannot relieve ! Poor houseless creatures ! The world 
 will give you reproaches, but will not give you relief." 
 
 Poor houseless Goldsmith! we may here ejaculate— -to what 
 shifts he must have been driven to find shelter and suste- 
 nance for himself in this first venture to Lohdon ! Many 
 years afterwards, in the days of his social elevation, he 
 startled a polite circle at Sir Joshua Reynolds', by humor- 
 ously dating an anecdote about the time he " lived among 
 the beggars of Axe Lane." — Memoir. 
 
 Consider him a real friend who desires your good more 
 than your good will. This w T e well know — that we our- 
 selves are often the very worst judges of what is good or 
 ill for us in life. Often have we seen that what we con- 
 sidered at the time as a sore disappointment, has proved 
 in the issue to be a merciful providence ; and that, if what 
 we once eagerly wished for had been obtained, so far 
 from making us happy, it would have produced our 
 ruin. 
 
 Instances have frequently occurred of individuals, in 
 whom the power of imagination has, at a more advanced 
 period of life, been found susceptible of culture to a won- 
 derful degree. In such men, what an accession is gained 
 to their most refined pleasures ! What enchantments are 
 added to their most ordinary perceptions ! The mind 
 awakening, as if from a trance, to a new existence, be- 
 comes habituated to the most interesting aspects of life 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 137 
 
 and of nature ; the intellectual eye is ie purged of its 
 film," and things the most familiar and unnoticed, dis- 
 close charms invisible before. The same objects and 
 events which were lately beheld with indifference, occupy 
 now all the powers and capacities of the soul; the con- 
 trast between the present and the past serving only to 
 enhance and to endear so unlooked-for an acquisition. 
 What Gray has so finely said of the pleasures of vicissi- 
 tude, conveys but a faint image of what is experienced by 
 the man who, after having lost in vulgar occupation and 
 vulgar amusements, his earliest and most precious years, 
 is thus introduced at last to a new Heaven and a new 
 earth : 
 
 The meanest floweret of the vale, 
 The simplest note that swells the gale, 
 The common sun, the air, the skies, 
 To him are op'ning Paradise. 
 
 Stewart's Philosophical Essays, p. 509. 
 
 If a straw can be made the instrument of happiness, he 
 is a wise man who does not despise it. — Dryden. 
 
 I see in this world two heaps, one of human happiness 
 and one of misery : now if I can take the smallest bit from 
 one heap, and add to the other, I carry a point. — Newton, 
 
 George III. was requested by Mr. Pitt to make Paley a 
 bishop. The King refused; and taking down the 
 " Moral Philosophy" from a shelf, he showed Pitt the 
 passage in which he justifies subscription to articles not 
 fully credited, on the ground of expediency. "This," 
 
138 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 said the King, "is my reason for not making him a 
 bishop." 
 
 From Mrs. Fry's Journal, p. 216. 
 
 " I am low under a sense of my own infirmities, and 
 also, rather grieved by the poor. I endeavoured to serve 
 them, and have given them such broth and dumplings as 
 we should eat ourselves ; I find great fault has been found 
 with them, and one woman seen to throw them to the 
 pigs ; still persevering to do my utmost for them, and 
 patiently bear their reproach, which may be better for me 
 than their praises. 
 
 " Tried by my servants appearing dissatisfied by what I 
 believe to be liberal things. I feel these things when I 
 consider how false a view we may take of each other, and 
 how different my feelings towards them are from being 
 ungenerous ; which I fear they think. I know no family 
 who allows exactly the same indulgences, and few who 
 give the same high wages, and yet I do not know of any 
 one so often grieved by the discontents of servants as 
 myself. I believe I had rather go without indulgences 
 myself (if I thought it right) than curtail theirs; the 
 lavish way in which most of their description appear to 
 think things ought to be used, is a trial to me, and con- 
 trary to my best judgment ; but a constant lesson to 
 myself is the ingratitude and discontent which I think I 
 see and feel in many, because I doubt not it is the same 
 with myself. How bountifully am I dealt with, day by 
 day ; and yet if there be one little subject of sorrow or 
 apparent discontent, do I not in my heart dwell upon 
 that, and not by any means sufficiently upon the innu- 
 merable mercies and blessings, that surround me ? Feel- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 139 
 
 ing that I am so infirm, can I wonder at the infirmities of 
 others ?" 
 
 A parasite who thought to please Lord Bolingbroke by 
 ridiculing his personal and political enemy the Duke of 
 Marlborough, was stopped by that Lord, who said : " The 
 Duke is so great a man, I forgot he had that vice/" — - 
 Wharton. 
 
 When the Regent Duke of Orleans was intreated by 
 the friends of Count Horn to change that culprit's punish- 
 ment, so that he should be only beheaded, instead of suf- 
 fering on the wheel, which would bring lasting infamy, 
 they said, on the Count and on his whole family, the 
 Duke remained inflexible, and replied : " Count Horn is 
 my relation as well as your's. The infamy is not in, the 
 punishment, but in the crime." 
 
 When Vanini, the very apostle of atheism, was arrested 
 at Toulouse, the Bible was found to be the sole book in 
 his possession. Thus men may go forth as the emissaries 
 of Satan with sneers on their lips, and the Bible in their 
 pockets. — Wordsworth's Diary in France. 
 
 Pitt being told that the Duke of Newcastle had con- 
 signed the management of the House of Commons to Sir 
 Thomas Robinson, a dull, harmless man, his haughty soul 
 boiled with resentment, and he turned to Fox exclaiming : 
 " Sir Thomas Robinson lead us ! The Duke might as 
 well send his jack-boot to lead us." — Thackeray's Life of 
 Chatham. 
 
140 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Fox attributed his own success as a debater in Parlia- 
 ment to the resolution which he formed when very young, 
 of speaking, well or ill, at least once every night. 
 €e During five whole sessions," said he, " I spoke every 
 night but one ; and I regret only that I did not speak on 
 that night too. — Ibid. 
 
 Fox had so little self-command, when once under the 
 impulse of public speaking, that he did not like to take 
 part in a debate, when his mind was full of an important 
 secret of state. " I must sit still," he once said to Lord 
 Shelburne on such an occasion ; u for when once I am up, 
 everything that is in my mind comes out." — Ibid. 
 
 Hume has truly characterized Sir Robert Walpole, who 
 loved power so much, that he could not # endure a rival : 
 he was, as the historian says, " moderate in exercising 
 power, not equitable in engrossing it." 
 
 As all pleasures are enhanced by being difficult of 
 attainment, so the luxury of doing good, and the pleasure 
 of being generous, are best appreciated by those who can 
 least afford such enjoyments. If you fall into difficulties, 
 your most liberal benefactors will probably be found among 
 your poor relations ; but the rich will have little sympathy 
 with your embarrassments, and will bestow nothing, be- 
 cause they feel convinced that much more will be expected 
 of them than they are at all inclined to grant. 
 
 One of Horace Walpole's innumerable whims was an 
 extreme dislike to be considered as a man of letters. He 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 141 
 
 wished to be a celebrated author, and yet to be a mere 
 idle gentleman —one of those epicurean gods of the earth 
 who do nothing at all, and who pass their existence in the 
 contemplation of their own perfections. He spoke with 
 lordly contempt of the most distinguished among authors ; 
 he tried to find out some way of writing books, as 
 M. Jourdain's father sold cloth, without derogating from 
 his character as gentilhomme. " He a merchant ! That 
 is pure malice : he never was one. All that he ever did 
 was, being most obliging, and knowing in manufactures ; 
 he chose them in all quarters, had them brought to his 
 house, and gave them to his friends for money ." 
 
 There is an amusing instance of Horace Walpole's sen- 
 sitiveness about publishing, when Sir Horace Mann compli- 
 mented him on being so vulgar a thing as a learned 
 gentleman ; and in reply, he answers : " I know nothing. 
 How should I ? I, who have always lived in the big, busy 
 world ; who lie a-bed all the morning, calling it morning 
 as long as you please ; w r ho sup in company ; who have 
 played at faro half my life, and now at loo, till two and 
 three in the morning, and who have always loved plea- 
 sure; haunted auctions. How I have laughed, when some 
 of the magazines have called me the learned gentleman ! 
 Pray, don't be like the magazines." — Walpole's Letters. 
 
 When James II. insisted very much on Lord 
 
 changing his creed, he replied : 
 
 "Please your Majesty, I am pre-engaged V 3 
 
 "How!" 
 
 te When last in Egypt, I promised the Pasha if ever I 
 changed my religion to become a Mahometan." 
 
142 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 La Mettrie, a French Physician, whom Voltaire 
 described as being " the most frank infidel in Europe/' 
 was appointed reader to Frederick the Great. His death 
 was occasioned by a surfeit of truffles at the table of 
 Lord Tyrconnel, when the Prussian monarch read a 
 funeral oration over him before the Royal Academy, and 
 Voltaire observed to a party of friends : 
 
 " The place of Athiest to his Majesty is now vacant." 
 
 Baron de Pollnitz, a Prussian adventurer, who had 
 been banished from several Courts, for his crimes, became 
 at last Chamberlain to Frederick the Great. Having 
 often changed his creed, he complained of great poverty 
 to his Royal Master, who lamented he could do nothing 
 for him, though had he been a Roman Catholic, there 
 would have been no difficulty in giving him a rich canonry 
 then vacant. 
 
 The Baron next morning announced to Frederick that 
 he had made a profession of the Roman Catholic faith, 
 and hoped now to receive the benefice. 
 
 " How unfortunate V 3 replied the King gravely, " I 
 have this day disposed of the canonry, but I have still 
 got a situation as Rabbi to fill up: Become a Jew, and I 
 promise it to you." 
 
 When the Earl of Argyll escaped from the Castle of 
 Edinburgh, disguised as a page, bearing up the train of 
 Lady Sophia Lindsey, he was in so much consternation 
 that he dropped the lady's gown when passing the 
 sentinel, and would certainly have been discovered, had 
 not she with admirable presence of mind, snatched her 
 
 m 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 143 
 
 train from the dirt, and in a pretended rage thrown it at 
 his face, with many reproaches of " careless loun, &c," 
 which so besmeared him that his features could not be 
 recognized, and he got clear off. 
 
 Marshal Turenne used to say that he liked " to dine 
 laconically." 
 
 Adrian VI. said " a physician is very necessary to a 
 populous country ; for, were it not for the faculty, men 
 would live so long, and grow so thick, that one could not 
 live for the other." 
 
 When Count Roderer headed a deputation to the 
 venerable Abbe Sieyes, requesting him once more to take 
 his place in the Institute, a touching scene ensued. 
 After saying how useless a member he would now be of 
 any association, and conversing, but in a strain that 
 bore marks of the hand of age being now upon him, he 
 said : 
 
 "In short, I no longer know how to speak, — nor how 
 to hold my tongue." 
 
 Fouche's hair became as white as snow, in consequence, 
 he said, of his having " slept upon the guillotine for 
 twenty-five years." His conversation was very animated 
 and interesting, but it related chiefly to events in which 
 he had been the actor, and his inordinate vanity induced 
 him to say : 
 
144 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ee I am not a King, but I am more illustrious than any 
 of them/' 
 
 Napoleon, on his return from Elba, asked Fouche 
 whether it was not very desirable to secure the services of 
 Talleyrand, then one of the French Ambassadors at 
 Vienna, saying : 
 
 " What do you think of sending to him a handsome 
 snuff-box ?" 
 
 Fouche, aware of the extreme absurdity of en- 
 deavouring to bribe a Minister, who was supposed to be 
 rapacious, by a present which, as a matter of course, he 
 had received on the conclusion of every treaty, replied : 
 " If a snuff-box were sent to Talleyrand, I should open 
 it to see what it contained. Let an order for two mil- 
 lions of francs be sent to him, and let one-half of the 
 sum be payable on his return to France." 
 
 " I make promises like a young courtier," says War- 
 burton : " and keep my countenance when I break them, 
 like an old one." 
 
 When Bishop Butler was promoted to the See of 
 Durham, he said in answer to the congratulations lavished 
 upon him : 
 
 " If one is enabled to do a little good, and to prefer 
 worthy men, this indeed is a valuable life, and will afford 
 satisfaction in the close of it ; but the change of station 
 in itself will in no wise answer the trouble of it, and of 
 getting into new forms of living. It would be a melan- 
 choly thing in the close of life, to have no reflections to 
 
.ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 145 
 
 entertain oneself with, but that one had spent the 
 revenues of the Bishopric of Durham in a sumptuous 
 course of living, and enriched one's friends with the 
 promotions of it ; instead of having really set oneself to 
 do good, and promote worthy men." 
 
 He died two years afterwards, but the torch of his 
 spirit glimmered brightly and usefully to the last. 
 
 Though religion, in its ordinary mode of exhibition, 
 commands but little respect, when it rises to the sub- 
 lime, and is perceived to tincture and pervade the whole 
 character, it seldom fails to draw forth the homage of 
 mankind. The most hardened impiety, and daring 
 profligacy, will find it difficult to despise the man who 
 manifestly appears to walk with God, whose whole 
 system of life is evidently influenced and directed by the 
 power of the world to come. The ridicule cast on re- 
 ligious characters, is not always directed towards their 
 religion, but more often perhaps to the little it performs, 
 contrasted with the loftiness of its pretensions ; a ridicule 
 which derives its force from the very sublimity of the 
 principles which the profession of piety assumes. — Robert 
 Hall 
 
 When it was suggested by the present learned Bishop 
 of Lincoln, about five-and-twenty years ago, that " unless 
 he mistook the signs of the times, the period was not far 
 distant when the whole controversy between the English 
 and Romish Churches would be revived, and all the points 
 in dispute be again brought under review," there were, I 
 apprehend, very few among his readers who did not feel 
 inclined to doubt the accuracy of the anticipation. One 
 inducement to Popery lies, I am sorry to say, too deep 
 
146 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 for the reach of any argument. It is found in the altered 
 tastes — I may almost say the altered character— of a cer- 
 tain class of our countrymen. In the last half century, 
 there has grown up among us such a devotion to the gra- 
 tification of the eye and ear, as is altogether inconsistent 
 with the sound common sense which was once regarded as 
 the peculiar characteristic of the English people. Co- 
 extensively with this change, the religious temperament 
 has been affected. Art and its fascinations, the scrupu- 
 lous taste in architecture, the delight in coloured decora- 
 tions, the sensitive appreciation of the refinements of 
 music, have induced in only too many among us a dissa- 
 tisfaction with the appointed services of our Church. 
 Persons of this morbid delicacy of sense all long for a 
 mode of worship, in which the understanding shall be 
 taxed less, and the imagination addressed more — in which 
 the sight may rest on graceful forms and emblazoned 
 ornaments, and on ever- changing pictures — in which the 
 words of prayer and praise, instead of ascending to the 
 Almighty in such simple intonations as the devotion of 
 the minister and the congregation may suggest, shall fall 
 in measured accents on the ear, and float above them 
 and around them in a full stream of modulated sounds. 
 To all who are thus pining for an aesthetic religion, and 
 w T hose piety cannot be touched without the help of such 
 artificial accessories, I am afraid — I am sure, indeed — - 
 that our national form of worship never will afford a per- 
 manent spiritual home. What they require we have not 
 to give. Our Church is a house of prayer, and not a 
 show-room. All parts of divine service are, with us, en- 
 joined to be done so decently and in order, as not to offend 
 the senses; but nothing histrionic can, consistently with 
 its spirit, be introduced to allure or delight them. The 
 
* 
 
 ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 147 
 
 man of idle mind and dull heart, for whom such vanities 
 are necessary as incitements to devotion, must look for 
 them in Popery. — Sermons by Rev. W. Harness, p. 17. 
 
 Among the Jesuits a priest can do no wrong. One of 
 the most eminent, Robert de Nobili, founder of the 
 Madura mission, became by special permission a Brahmin, 
 conforming so adroitly to all the ceremonies and customs 
 of Hindooism that he was never detected. He assumed all 
 the Brahmin peculiarities of dress and of diet, even to the 
 strings and other marks of idolatry. (These changes 
 would be less a novelty to a Papist, of course, than to 
 most people.) The Jesuit converts at Madura were 
 allowed to bow to their former idols, mentally transferring 
 their worship to the cross hid within their clothes. 
 Father Jouvenci, the Jesuit historian, mentions that when 
 the authenticity of a forged document was called in ques- 
 tion, De Nobili declared upon oath that he sprang from 
 the god Brama, and he is much praised for his perjury in 
 so good a cause. 
 
 The Abbe Dubois confesses, that finding his Hindoo 
 congregation wished him to preach of our Lord and his 
 Apostles as having been of a noble military caste, he 
 acted upon their views ; and knowing that the Hindoos 
 regarded any use of intoxicating liquors as sinful, he 
 became cautious, when mentioning the elements of the 
 Eucharist, to describe wine so as to suit their principles. 
 
 A gentleman, recently returned from Rome, was soon 
 afterwards introduced to the newly-appointed incumbent 
 
 h2 
 
148 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 of a parish church in — — shire, which had fallen vacant 
 during his absence. On looking at his new friend 
 he at once recognized a Jesuit who had been of his 
 acquaintance in Italy. The Popish impostor instantly 
 shrunk back, and hurrying to his host, in whose house 
 they met, made an apology that he had forgotten to per- 
 form a duty in his church, which he must hasten back to 
 do. The gentleman from Rome went an hour or two 
 afterwards with some friends to identify fully his old 
 acquaintance, but the Jesuit had already packed up his 
 effects, departed hurriedly, and has never since been 
 heard of. Any fraud by a Jesuit on a heretic is consi- 
 dered meritorious. 
 
 Firmness, both in sufferance and exertion, is a 
 character which I would wish to possess. I have always 
 despised the whining yelp of complaint, and the cowardly, 
 feeble resolve. — Burns. 
 
 We should not sadden the harmless mirth of others, 
 by suffering our own melancholy to be seen; and this 
 species of exertion is, like virtue, its own reward, for the 
 good spirits which are at first stimulated, become at 
 length real. — Scott. 
 
 "I shall," writes Sir Thomas Barnard, "add to my 
 list, as the eighth deadly sin, that of anxiety of mind; 
 and resolve not to be pining and miserable, when I ought 
 to be grateful and happy." 
 
 When Galileo lost his sight, he exclaimed : " It has 
 pleased God it should be so, and it must please me also." 
 
 "That little fellow," said Luther of a bird going to 
 roost, "has chosen his shelter, and is quietly rocking 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 149 
 
 himself to sleep without a care for to-morrow's lodging, 
 calmly holding by his little twig, and leaving God to 
 think for him." 
 
 Madame Du Deffand died whilst in the act of playing 
 at cards, in the midst of a circle of gay and thoughtless 
 friends. So little concerned was the rest of the party at 
 the solemn event which had just occurred, that they 
 resolved, with a hardened indifference rarely to be 
 equalled, to play out their game before they gave the 
 alarm. — Life's Last Hours. 
 
 A clever and ingenious Frenchman wrote a very 
 plausible book once to prove that no change in any man's 
 external circumstances — barring the case of absolute 
 indigence — can alter the individual's essential feelings 
 of comfort and happiness for more than three months ? 
 
 Dr. Abernethy used to tell his pupils that all human 
 maladies proceed from two causes, " stuffing and fretting." 
 His favourite advice to them was, " Never think about 
 any vexation which you cannot help." 
 
 Coleridge falling in once with a woman, who asked if 
 he knew " one Coleridge," replied that he had heard of 
 such a person. She then showered every abuse within 
 the compass of her vocabulary upon his name. 
 
 " But," he says, " I so won her heart by my manner 
 of listening, and exclaiming, c dear me V that I relin- 
 quished the pleasure of creating a fine dramatic surprise 
 by not telling her that I was the man." 
 
150 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When Sir Thomas Lawrence had painted the Emperor 
 of Russia's portrait, he perceived that an alteration in 
 the attitude would greatly improve it ; therefore against 
 the Emperor's judgment and wishes, he totally changed 
 the action of the limbs. To his great vexation, he had 
 to begin the improvement before an audience of the 
 Emperors attendants by giving his Majesty four legs ; 
 and though gradually obliterating the two first, still 
 their lines remained long in most complicated con- 
 fusion. 
 
 "What I expected took place," added the resolute 
 artist : u during the whole time, the attendant generals 
 complained ; and the Emperor, though confiding in my 
 opinion, was still dissatisfied. However, I accomplished 
 the alteration, and the vessel righted." — Life of Sir 
 Thomas Lawrence, vol. ii, p. 115. 
 
 Montesquieu, the greatest political writer that France 
 has ever produced, and one of the greatest that has been 
 known in any country, meditated during twenty years 
 over his " Esprit des Lois." He then gave it to be read 
 by the man in France whom he considered as the best 
 informed upon such subjects, and the most capable of 
 pronouncing a just opinion of it. That friend, who, it 
 seems was more candid than enlightened, objected to the 
 work in general, and particularly to some of the greatest 
 views contained in it. 
 
 " Then," said Montesquieu, " I see my own age is not 
 ripe enough to understand my work ; nevertheless, I will 
 publish it." 
 
 When Charles II. was dying, his Queen being too 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 151 
 
 unwell to visit him, sent to ask his Majesty's pardon for 
 whatever she had offended him in. "Ah, poor Kate!" 
 he replied, " many a time have I wronged her, but she 
 never did me any injury." 
 
 An honest stationer in Edinburgh, during the reign of 
 James II., asked whether he might sell a book which 
 reflected in very strong terms on Popery \ and the macers 
 of the Privy Council having asked to see it, he showed 
 them a copy of the Bible. — Macaulay. 
 
 A Roman Catholic priest, who offered, for £200, to 
 intercede with James II. on behalf of Johnson, a sufferer 
 in the Protestant cause, having done his best to obtain 
 a remission of the sentence, his Majesty replied: 
 " Mr. Johnson has the spirit of a martyr, and it is fit that 
 he should be one ¥* William III. said, a few years later, 
 of one of the most acrimonious and intrepid Jacobites : 
 w He has set his heart on being a martyr, and I have set 
 mine on disappointing him !" These two speeches would 
 alone suffice to explain the widely different fates of the 
 two princes. — Macaulay. 
 
 When the Abbe Dupanloup told Talleyrand, during his 
 last hour, that the Archbishop of Paris had said he would 
 willingly die for him, the dying statesman said, with his 
 expiring breath : " He might make a better use of his 
 life." 
 
 After the Pope excommunicated Talleyrand, that apos- 
 tate Abbe wrote to a friend, saying : " Come and comfort 
 
152 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 me ; come and sup with me. Everybody is going to 
 refuse me fire and water; we shall therefore have nothing 
 this evening but iced meats, and drink nothing but wine." 
 
 When Louis XVIII., at the Restoration, praised Talley- 
 rand for his talents and influence, he disclaimed the com- 
 pliment, but added, what might serve both as a hint and 
 a threat: " There is, however, some inexplicable thing 
 about me, that prevents any Government from prospering 
 that attempts to set me aside." 
 
 Foote once said: "My horse will stand, faster than your's 
 can gallop." 
 
 One of the German ladies who came over with George I., 
 on being abused by the mob, put her head out of the 
 coach, and cried in bad English : 
 
 " Good people, why you abuse us ? We come for all 
 your goods !" 
 
 " Yes," answered a fellow in the crowd, " and for our 
 chattels too." 
 
 Robert de Insula, Bishop of Durham, a man of low 
 birth, having given his mother an establishment suitable 
 to his rank, and asking her once, when he went to see her, 
 how she fared, she answered : 
 
 " Never worse !" 
 
 " What troubles you ?" replied the Bishop ; " have 
 you not men and women enough to attend you ?" 
 
 " Yes," added she, " and more than enough ! I say to 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 153 
 
 one — go, and he runs ; to another — come hither, fellow, 
 and the varlet falls on his knees ; and, in short, all things 
 go on so abominably smooth, that my heart is bursting 
 for something to spite me and pick a quarrel with." 
 
 In those days, discord and vituperation supplied that 
 sort of excitement which others obtained from a bottle and 
 a glass. 
 
 A massacre took place in Sicily^ during the year 1782, 
 commonly called the Sicilian Vespers, when every French- 
 man was put to death. Henry IV. was afterwards talking, 
 in a matter-of-course tone, to the Spanish Ambassador, of 
 conquering Italy, and declared it would be so easy that 
 he could breakfast at Milan, dine at Rome, and sup at 
 Naples. " Yes/' replied the Ambassador, politely, " and 
 your Majesty might perhaps be in time for vespers, in 
 Sicily." 
 
 Soon after the massacre of St. Bartholomew, Catherine 
 de Medicis, being angry at the English Ambassador for 
 appearing to doubt what she said, asked in a tone of 
 indignation : 
 
 " Do you not believe my word V 
 
 To which the Ambassador energetically replied : 
 
 " No ! by St. Bartholomew, Madam \" 
 
 Poinsinet, the author of some comic plays, was actually 
 persuaded by his friends that Louis XIV., struck with his 
 great merit, had created a place in the royal household on 
 purpose for him, and that was the place of fire-screen, to 
 stand between his Majesty and the chimney, but that he 
 
 h3 
 
154 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 must be able to support great heat, which the poor poet 
 tried to accustom himself to every day, till his legs became 
 covered with blisters. 
 
 Champfort said of the ancient Government of France : 
 " It is a monarchy tempered by songs." 
 
 The celebrated mechanical genius Ramsden, had a 
 species of invention not quite creditable, the invention 
 of excuses. He never kept an engagement of any sort, 
 never finished any work punctually, or ever failed to pro- 
 mise what he always failed to perform. George III. had 
 bespoke an instrument, which he was particularly desirous 
 to obtain; he had allowed Ramsdein to name his own 
 time, but as usual, the work was scarcely begun at the 
 period appointed for delivery. When at last it was 
 finished, he took it down to Kew, in a post-chaise, in a 
 prodigious hurry ; and driving up to the palace-gate, he 
 asked: "Is his Majesty at home?" The pages and 
 attendants in waiting expressed their surprise at such a 
 visit. He, however, pertinaciously insisted upon being 
 admitted, assuring the page that, if he told the King that 
 Ramsden was at the gate, his Majesty would soon show 
 that he would glad to see him. He was right ; he was 
 let in, and was graciously received. His Majesty, after 
 examining the instrument carefully, of which he was really 
 a judge, expressed his satisfaction ; and turning gravely 
 to Ramsden, paid him this compliment upon his punc- 
 tuality : " I have been told, Mr. Ramsden," said the 
 King, "that you are considered to be the least pimctual of 
 any man in England ; you have brought home this instru- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 155 
 
 ment on the very day that was appointed. You have 
 only mistaken the year" — EdgeworW s Memoirs, p. 191. 
 
 Lord Camden, in a splendid peroration against lite- 
 rary property, tells an author : " Glory is your reward, 
 and posterity will pay it." Thus he seems to tell the 
 public : " Take advantage of the nobleness of an author's 
 character : urged on by the instinct of genius, and by his 
 love for fame, by his sympathy with man and nature, he 
 will not stop to raise a question on his rights, or waste 
 a thought on the money-payment of his labours ; there- 
 fore it will be your own fault if you don't drive a good 
 bargain with so disinterested a customer." — Edinburgh 
 Review, vol. xxxviii. 
 
 If you would make a good will, make it in good health, 
 and with a composed, considerate, forgiving mind ; but 
 fail not to leave one clear, just, and right-minded, to pre- 
 vent contention among survivors, and such as you will no 
 be ashamed of in the presence of that God before whom 
 you must appear as soon as that will is to be executed. 
 
 Among the papers of Chatterton, after his death, was 
 found one, containing these memorandums : 
 
 " This essay, rejected by the c North Briton/ on account 
 of the Lord Mayor's death. 
 
 £ 
 Lost by his death, on this essay . 1 
 
 Gained in elegies 2 
 
 Gained in essays 3 
 
 Am glad he is dead by .... 3 
 
 s. 
 
 d. 
 
 11 
 
 6 
 
 2 
 
 
 
 3 
 
 
 
 13 
 
 6" 
 
156 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The Emperor Alexander, when first he began studying 
 the Holy Scriptures, put a cross before each verse which 
 he could not understand. These at the commencement 
 were very numerous, "But/' said the pious monarch, 
 "on the second perusal many crosses were erased, and 
 since then, they are diminishing continually/' 
 
 Rousseau says : " I am not a little afraid that he who 
 treats me at first sight as if I were a friend of twenty 
 years' standing, will, at the end of twenty years, if I 
 should be in need of assistance, treat me as a stranger." 
 
 Lord Chesterfield wandered into chapel once when 
 Whitefield, whose dramatic powers of description were 
 unrivalled, was preaching, and having seated himself in 
 Lady Huntingdon's pew, he listened intensely. The 
 preacher was comparing a benighted sinner to a blind 
 beggar on a dangerous road. His little dog gets away 
 from him when skirting the edge of a precipice, and the 
 old man is left to explore the path with his iron-shod 
 staff. On the very verge of the cliff his stick slips 
 through his fingers, and skims away down the abyss. 
 All unconscious, its helpless owner stoops down to regain 
 it, and stumbling forward 
 
 " Good God ! he is gone !" shouted Chesterfield, who 
 had been listening with breathless alarm to this descrip- 
 tion of the blind man's movements, and who jumped 
 from his seat to prevent the catastrophe. 
 
 The joy resulting from the diffusion of blessings to all 
 around us, is the purest and sublimest that can enter the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 157 
 
 human mind; and can be conceived only by those who 
 have experienced it. Next to the consolations of Divine 
 Grace, it is the most sovereign balm to the miseries of 
 life, both in him who is the object of it, and in him who 
 exercises it ; and it will not only soothe and tranquillise a 
 troubled spirit, but inspire a constant flow of good- 
 humour, content, and gaiety of heart. — Bishop Porteus. 
 
 Weigh not yourself in the scales of your own opinion, 
 but let the judgment of the judicious be the standard of 
 your merit. Still, if you desire to be well-spoken of, 
 speak well of others, but nevertheless not so civil as to 
 prove unjust. We have those judges — our Maker, our- 
 selves, and our neighbour. The first, looking on the 
 heart, adjudicates infallibly ; the second, from a com- 
 parison of acts, and of motives imperfectly understood, 
 determines infer entially ; the third, observing only the 
 outward conduct, decides hypothetically. He who knew 
 what was in man, confined us to the use of a single clue 
 in forming any such hypothesis — By their fruits ye 
 shall know them. When we study any human model, 
 it is safest to follow this clue, and this alone. — Sir J. 
 Stephen. 
 
 How mistaken a man may be in his estimate of him- 
 self, has often been exemplified in many well-known 
 instances, and in none more than Benvenuto Cellini — 
 so passionate, that he was notorious for stabbing men on 
 slight causes ; and who writes thus, when expecting in- 
 stant execution, in the Castle of St. Angelo, at Rome : 
 " I continued part of that night in the utmost anxiety of 
 mind, vainly endeavouring to guess for what cause it 
 had pleased God to afflict me ; and not being able to dis- 
 
158 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 cover, I beat my breast with despair Though I 
 
 had sometimes been guilty of manslaughter, yet, as 
 God's Vicar on earth had recalled me from my own 
 country, and confirmed my pardon by his authority, and 
 all that I had done was in defence of the body which His 
 Divine Majesty had given me, I did not see how, in any 
 sense, I could be thought to deserve death." 
 
 Hannah More, on her death-bed, said : " I pray for 
 those I love, and for those I pity, and do not love !" 
 
 Atterbury, Bishop of Rochester, when a certain Bill 
 was brought into the House of Lords, said, among other 
 things : " I prophesied last winter this Bill would be 
 attempted in the present Session, and I am sorry to find 
 myself a true prophet." Lord Coningsby, who spoke 
 after the Bishop, and always spoke in a passion, said : 
 " Let the House remark, that the Bight Rev. Prelate has 
 set himself forth as a prophet ; but, for my part, I do not 
 know what prophet to liken him to, unless to that furious 
 prophet, Balaam, who was reproved by his own ass." 
 The Bishop, in reply, with great wit and calmness, ex- 
 posed this rude attack, concluding thus : " Since the 
 Noble Lord has discovered in our manners such a simili- 
 tude, I am well content to be compared to the Prophet 
 Balaam; but, my Lords, I am unable to make out the 
 other part of the parallel. I am sure that I have been 
 reproved by nobody but his Lordship." 
 
 Pope, in his old age, said : " As much company as 
 I have kept, and as much as I love it, I love reading 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 159 
 
 better. I would rather be employed in reading, than in 
 the most agreeable conversation." 
 
 Ariosto tells a pretty story of a fairy, who, by some 
 mysterious law of her nature, was condemned to appear, 
 at certain seasons, in the form of a foul, and poisonous 
 snake. Those who injured her during the period of her 
 guise, were ever excluded from participation in the bless- 
 ings w T hich she bestowed ; but to those who, in spite of 
 her loathsome aspect, pitied and protected her, she after- 
 wards revealed herself in the beautiful and celestial form 
 which was natural to her, accompanied their steps, granted 
 all their wishes, filled their houses with wealth, made 
 them happy in love, and victorious in war. What a useful 
 moral might be drawn from this little fable, in favour of 
 showing kindness and civility to the most degraded. and 
 unhappy ! 
 
 Bishop Williams, Keeper of the Great Seal, in a ser- 
 mon on the death of James I., whom he calls " Great 
 Britain's Solomon/' says : " His Majesty was in hand 
 with a translation of the Psalms, when God called him to 
 sing psalms with the angels/' 
 
 A banker, anxious about the rise or fall of stocks, 
 came once to Talleyrand for information respecting the 
 truth of a rumour, that George III. had suddenly died, 
 when the statesman replied, in a confidential tone : 
 u I shall be delighted, if the information I have to give 
 be of any use to you." The banker was enchanted at the 
 prospect of obtaining authentic intelligence from so high 
 
160 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 a source ; and Talleyrand, with a mysterious air, con- 
 tinued : " Some say the King of England is dead ; others, 
 that he is not dead : for my own part, I believe neither 
 the one nor the other. I tell you this in confidence, but 
 do not commit me." 
 
 During Talleyrand's administration, when the seals of 
 private letters were not very safe, the Spanish Ambassador 
 complained, with an expressive look, to that Minister, that 
 one of his despatches had been opened. " Oh f p re- 
 turned the statesman, after listening with profound 
 attention, "I shall wager I can guess how the thing 
 happened. I am convinced your despatch was opened 
 by some one who desired to know what was inside." 
 
 So complete and unexpected was the surprise of the 
 French army at the Passage of the Douro, that Welling- 
 ton, at four o'clock, quietly sat down to the dinner and 
 table-service which had been prepared for Marshal Soult. 
 — Alison, 
 
 No king ever loved peace more than Henry VII. of 
 England, who prefaced all his treaties with the words : 
 " When Christ came into the world, peace was sung ; and 
 when He went out of the world, peace was bequeathed/' 
 
 Charles Fox once said : " I wonder whether any one 
 ever was so wise as Thurlow looks V 
 
 Antony Beke, Bishop of Durham, who piqued himself 
 on his lavish expenditure, hearing some one say, "This 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 161 
 
 cloth is so dear, that even Bishop Antony would not 
 venture to pay for it/' immediately ordered it to be 
 bought, and cut up into horse-cloths. 
 
 Lord Crewe, Bishop of Durham, having lost his wife, 
 to whom he was greatly attached, often took the key of 
 Stene Chapel, in which she was buried, and there retired, 
 to muse over her grave, and contemplate the period when 
 he should be interred beside her. The sculptor, in that 
 vile taste which seems to have originated in an unhappy 
 design of making everything connected with the grave 
 revolting to our feelings, had ornamented the tomb with 
 a very ghastly, grinning alabaster skull ; and the Bishop, 
 one day, expressed a wish to his domestic chaplain, Dr. 
 Grey, that it had not been placed there. Grey, upon 
 this, sent to Banbury for a sculptor, and consulted with 
 him whether it was not possible to convert it into a soothing, 
 instead of a painful object. After some consideration, 
 the artist declared that the only thing into which he 
 could possibly convert it was a bunch of grapes; and 
 accordingly, at this day, a bunch of grapes may be seen 
 upon this monument. 
 
 When a very shabby-looking candidate for knighthood 
 knelt before King James VI., with a very evident sense of 
 his own unworthiness, his Majesty jestingly exclaimed : 
 "Look up, man: I have more reason to be ashamed 
 than you." 
 
 During the riot which took place among the mob at 
 Paris, while Louis XVI. was led a prisoner through the 
 
162 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 streets, one only cry was raised : " Death to any man 
 who uncovers his head to the King I" M. de Guilhenni, 
 hearing this threat, threw his hat among the crowd, say- 
 ing : " Let who will denounce me \" 
 
 The Duke of Hamilton, at his execution, said of 
 Charles I. : "I have had the honour, since my childhood, 
 to attend and be near him, till now of late ; and during 
 all that time, I observed in him as many virtues, and as 
 little vice, as in any man I ever knew/' 
 
 During the French Revolution of 1830, the generous 
 forbearance of the Royal troops was sometimes most 
 magnanimously testified. A shopkeeper, near the Boule- 
 vard, came from his house, and, taking deliberate aim, 
 fired on one of the mounted officers who was at the head 
 of the party ; he missed him, and ran off ; but as soon as 
 he had loaded his gun, returned, and again fired, and 
 again missed; upon which the officer rode up to him, 
 and, instead of cutting him down, as might be expected, 
 he said to him, quietly : " Now, my friend, you have 
 shown that you are but a bad marksman ; had you not 
 better stick to your shop V 
 
 A man without decision can never be said to belong 
 to himself, since if he dared to assert that he did, the 
 puny force of some cause about as powerful, you would 
 have supposed, as a spider, may make a captive of the 
 hapless boaster the very next moment, and triumphantly 
 exhibit the futility of the determination by which he was 
 to have proved the independence of his understanding and 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 163 
 
 his will. He belongs to whatever can seize him, and 
 innumerable things do actually verify their claim on him 
 and arrest him as he tries to go along — as twigs and 
 chips floating near the edge of a river are intercepted 
 by every weed, and whirled in every little eddy. — 
 Foster. 
 
 Let the Christian minister resolve to live and die in 
 advancing God's plan of spiritual perfection. Let him 
 not permit himself to be distracted by little interests, 
 inconveniences, engagements, but secure such outward 
 accommodations as favour health, and think no more 
 of circumstances; thus will he avoid frittering away his 
 strength in petty details and keep his soul whole for 
 great objects. Let him abstain from living in his own 
 past deeds, and waste no energy of thought or will,, in 
 self-complacent recollections, or idle regrets, but use 
 success, praise, reputation, position, as a ground of nobler 
 efforts and larger hopes, as an incentive and encourage- 
 ment to wider usefulness. Let him b% wise in labour, so 
 as not to exhaust the elastic force of mind and thought, 
 and be habitually calm, so as to maintain that clearness 
 of purpose on which enduring strength of will depends. 
 Let him put all his powers in tune, and make Ins whole 
 life harmonious by inward unity. Above all, -let him 
 constantly look up to God as the all-communicating 
 Father, from whom pour down into the faithful soul 
 unfailing streams of spiritual life. — Channing, vol. ii, 
 p. 21. 
 
 Detraction is the natural infirmity of little minds, 
 envy is excited by the contemplation of talents superior 
 
164 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 to their own, or of virtues which they will not take the 
 pains to imitate : but those who feel mortified by a 
 consciousness of inferiority of talent should reflect, that 
 none can aspire to a greater honour than the approbation 
 of Him who disperses His gifts in such proportion as 
 He sees meet, and requires nothing but a due application 
 of what he has bestowed, whether it be more or less. Per- 
 haps nothing is more destructive to the peace, and even 
 the comfortable existence of society, than detraction. 
 Hence, in the sacred writings "whisperers and back- 
 biters" are classed among " makers of iniquity," and as 
 their mischief is so insidious, they should be as carefully 
 avoided as persons more openly wicked. — Life of William 
 Allen, p. 154. 
 
 The flag of the c Victory* was to have been buried with 
 Nelson, but the sailors, when it was lowering into the 
 grave, tore it in pieces to keep as relics. The Romish 
 veneration of relics is but an exaggeration of man's natural 
 impulse to hoard them. 
 
 Mirabeau's younger brother said of himself : " In any 
 other family, I should have been reckoned a scoundrel ; 
 but a clever fellow — in my own, I pass for an honest man 
 and a dunce. 
 
 Man has a secret instinct that leads him to seek 
 diversion and employment from without; which springs 
 from the sense of his continual misery. And he has 
 another secret instinct, remaining from the greatness of 
 his original nature, which teaches him that happiness 
 can only exist in repose. And from these two contrary 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 165 
 
 instincts there arises in him an obscure propensity, con- 
 cealed in his soul, which prompts him to seek repose 
 through agitation, and even to fancy that the content- 
 ment he does not enjoy will be found, if by struggling 
 yet a little longer he can open a door to rest. — Pascal. 
 
 Louis XIV. is described by Locke as being exceedingly 
 punctual in his devotional exercises : " At the King's levee, 
 which I saw this morning, there is nothing so remarkable 
 as his great devotion, which is very exemplary ; for as 
 soon as ever he is dressed, he goes to his bed-side, where 
 he kneels down to his prayers, several priests kneeling by 
 him, in which posture he continues for a pretty while, not 
 being disturbed by the noise and buzz of the rest of the 
 chamber, which is full of people standing and talking 
 one to another." 
 
 Truth will be uppermost at last, like cork, though kept 
 down some time in the water. — Sir William Temple. 
 
 Queen Adelaide's last directions for her funeral : 
 
 rt I die in all humility, knowing well that we are all 
 alike before the throne of God, and I request, therefore, 
 that my mortal remains be conveyed to the grave without 
 any pomp or state. They are to be moved to St. George's 
 Chapel, Windsor, where I request to have as quiet a 
 funeral as possible. 
 
 u I particularly desire not to be laid out in state, and 
 the funeral to take place by daylight — no procession, the 
 coffin to be carried by sailors to the chapel. 
 
 " All those of my friends and relations, to a limited 
 number, who may wish to attend, may do so. 
 
166 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 "I die in peace, and wish to be carried to the tomb 
 in peace and free from the vanities and pomp of this 
 world. 
 
 " I request not to be dissected, nor embalmed ; and 
 desire to give as little trouble as possible. 
 
 {Signed) " Adelaide." 
 
 The following pious avowal of true faith and hope was 
 appended to the memorandum respecting her interment, 
 and left by Queen Adelaide in her will : " I shall die 
 in peace with all the world, full of gratitude for all the 
 kindness that was ever shown to me, and in full reliance 
 on the mercy of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, into whose 
 hands I commit my soul." 
 
 Dr. Chalmers said to the Bishop of London : I have 
 derived greater aid from the views and reasonings of 
 Bishop Butler, than I have been able to find in the whole 
 of our existent authorship." On another occasion, he 
 added : " If all that has been received for the bishopric 
 of Durham since the foundation of the See, were set 
 down as payment for Butler's c Analogy/ I should esteem 
 it a cheap purchase." — Dean Ramsay's Essay on Chal- 
 mers, 
 
 Fontenelle was entirely without any sentiment of re- 
 ligion ; and altogether indifferent to posthumous glory 
 or disgrace. If he had a paper in his bureau, the 
 disclosure of which would make his name infamous and 
 detestable for ever, he said he would not take the trouble 
 to destroy it, if he could be quite sure that it would 
 never appear in his life-time. A character of such re- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 167 
 
 volting selfishness, could never have been tolerated in 
 . England, by whatever graces it might have been palliated — 
 but in France, where amusement was everything, his wit 
 and vivacity made him an universal favourite. On one 
 occasion, when a friend of his, in recounting some me- 
 lancholy occurrence, involuntarily shed some tears, he 
 inquired with affected alarm, what was the matter with 
 him — and upon being told that his feelings overpowered 
 him, replied : " Your feelings ! — it is now about fourscore 
 years since I bade adieu to feeling — and to pastoral 
 poetry." In one of the last years of his life, when 
 talking to a beautiful young woman, he exclaimed : " Ah, 
 Madam, if I were but fourscore again !" On another 
 occasion, when a contemporary of his, an old lady of 
 a hundred and three, came to see him, and observed that 
 Providence seemed to have forgotten him and her upon 
 earth, he put his finger on his lips, with an air of affected 
 alarm, and said : " Hush ! do not put them in mind." 
 
 When he was just dying, some one having asked him 
 if he felt any pain, he answered : u No ! none but that of 
 existing ! — . Je sens une grande difficulty d'etre !" 
 
 When the Indians concluded their settlement with 
 William Penn, they pledged themselves, in long and 
 stately harangues, to return his promised friendship by 
 living in love with Penn and his children, "as long as 
 the sun and the moon should endure." Voltaire re- 
 marked of this famous treaty, with much truth and 
 severity, that it was the only one ever concluded between 
 savages and Christians that was not ratified by an oath — 
 and the only one that never was broken. 
 
A 
 
 168 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Books are the legacies that genius leaves to mankind, 
 to be delivered down from generation to generation, as 
 presents to the posterity of those who are yet unborn. — 
 Addison. 
 
 Virtue and talents, though allowed their due considera- 
 tion, yet are not enough to procure a man a welcome 
 wherever he comes. Nobody contents himself with rough 
 diamonds, or wears them so. When polished and set, 
 then they give a lustre. — Locke. 
 
 Petrarch exclaimed, in the last days of his life : " In 
 my youth I despised all the world except myself ; in my 
 manhood I despised myself; now I despise both the 
 world and myself, and I fear those whom I love !" 
 
 An American traveller, recently returned from a tour 
 on the Continent, being asked what he thought of Rome : 
 "A very fine city," was his answer, "only it must be 
 confessed that the public buildings are very much out of 
 repair \" 
 
 The effect of a deep-seated grief on the mind renders it 
 morbidly susceptible to every little painful impression, 
 " putting," as an old writer says, " a sting in every fly 
 which buzzes about us." 
 
 An Englishman once visited Voltaire at Ferney, on his 
 way to Rome, when Voltaire jestingly entreated him, at 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 169 
 
 any risk, to bring him back the ears of the Grand Inquisi- 
 tor. On his arrival at Rome, the Englishman mentioned 
 this commission in many different circles, and it was at 
 last reported to Ganganelli, when his Holiness said : " I 
 beg you will inform M. de Voltaire that, for a long while 
 past, the Inquisition has had neither eyes nor ears/' — 
 Baron de Grimm, 
 
 Goldsmith said of Johnson, that if he had to write a 
 fable about minnows, he would make them talk like 
 whales. 
 
 On no point was Dr. Chalmers's view of pauperism 
 more decided than on the discouragement of relief to 
 common vagrants and beggars. He drew an ingenious 
 and novel argument against promiscuous charity from the 
 example of our Lord, as recorded in the four Gospels. 
 He healed all diseases and sickness in those who came to 
 Him ; but only on two occasions did He supply by miracle 
 the multitudes with food. These were occasions of ur- 
 gency ; and when He found that they came to Him idly, 
 and on account of food, He firmly withheld it. — Dean 
 Ramsay. 
 
 Charles II., after taking two or three turns, as was his 
 custom, in St. James's Park, attended only by the Duke 
 of Leeds and Lord Cromarty, walked up Constitution 
 Hill, and from thence into Hyde Park. As he was cross- 
 ing the road, the Duke of York's coach arrived there. 
 The Duke had been hunting that morning on Hounslow 
 Heath, and was returning, escorted by a party of the 
 
 i 
 
170 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Guards, who, as soon as they saw the King, suddenly 
 halted. The Duke immediately alighted, and after 
 saluting the King, said he was greatly surprised to find 
 his Majesty in that place with so small an attendance, 
 and that he thought his Majesty exposed himself to some 
 danger. " No kind of danger, James," replied the King, 
 " I am sure no man in England will take away my life to 
 make you King \" 
 
 Imagination is not thought, neither is fancy reflection : 
 Thought paceth like a hoary sage, but imagination hath wings 
 
 as an eagle ; 
 Reflection sternly considereth, nor is sparing to condemn evil, 
 But fancy lightly laugheth in the sun-clad gardens of amuse- 
 ment. 
 
 ******* 
 
 Steer the bark of thy mind from the syren isle of reverie. 
 
 Tapper's Proverbial Philosophy. 
 
 Swift says : " When a true genius appears in the 
 world, you may know him by this mark — that the dunces 
 are all in a confederacy against him." 
 
 Lord Erskine mentions a fine instance of native elo- 
 quence in an Indian ruler of the desert, when he first 
 observed the encroachments made by the restless foot of 
 English adventure, and exclaimed : " Who is it that causes 
 this rain to rise in the high mountains, and to empty 
 itself into the ocean ? Who is it that causes to blow the 
 loud winds of winter, and that calms them again in the 
 summer? Who is it that rears up the shade of those 
 lofty forests, and blasts them with the quick lightning 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 171 
 
 at his pleasure ? The same Being who gave to you a 
 country on the other side of the waters, and gave ours to 
 us, and by this title we will defend it/' said the warrior, 
 throwing down his tomahawk upon the ground, and 
 raising the war-cry of his nation. 
 
 From " Arlington :" 
 
 I have seen many kinds of exclusive society, and I am 
 not very much the admirer of ours. I happened to be in. 
 
 shire lately. There they are exceedingly exclusive. 
 
 They exclude almost every person, and certainly every 
 topic that does not belong to that county. Everybody 
 
 talks, thinks, and looks shire. All are provokingly 
 
 intimate with each other, and as provokingly unacquainted 
 with everybody else. You are made to feel, as long as 
 you are among them, that to know the world in general 
 passes for nothing ; but you must know every man, 
 
 woman or child, house, road, horse and dog, in -shire, 
 
 if you would be thought to know anything, and wish to 
 understand what they are talking about. All their jokes 
 are local. You hear a mightily flat story, about some 
 person or other, that every one round you is ready to die 
 of — and you stare about you and try, by way of sociability, 
 to get up a laugh, and then you are told with a compas- 
 sionate air, " Ah ! if you did but know the person ! The 
 story is nothing without having seen him/' And then 
 what an inferior being you seem, the man who never saw 
 Smith of Smithy Hall ! 
 
 I have seen people of a very different kind, people of 
 family and rank, and of the world, who, in their way, 
 were very snugly and amiably exclusive. I was once on 
 a visit to the Caldecots at their country place — that 
 
 i2 
 
172 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 warren overrun with cousinship — the head-quarters of a 
 family clique. It ought to have been charming to see a 
 large party so united — impossible to disapprove — but 
 equally impossible to like it. They were very merry 
 together— but what intolerable wits to a stranger ! They 
 had among them a large stock of traditional jokes, known 
 only to themselves, and the least possible allusion to any 
 of these set a whole row tittering in an instant. One 
 felt that the world was divided by them into two classes 
 — those who were related to them, and those who were 
 not — and that they a little despised you for being of the 
 latter. Then they had family names for things and 
 persons, which they stared at you if you did not know. 
 It was really difficult to learn ! Everybody was alluded 
 to by a nickname. 
 
 I call society exclusive that is intended solely for the 
 amusement of an initiated few. It matters not w T ho those 
 few may be, whether country neighbours, or a class of 
 cousins, or agriculturists, with their talk on short-horned 
 cattle, and mangel-wurzel; or yachters, or turf-men, or 
 those sporting pedants, who, morning or evening, live in 
 scandal, and obtrude upon the drawing-room their remi- 
 niscences of the field, all these and others too I call, in 
 their several ways, exclusives ; and I think that this 
 exclusiveness injures society rather than improves it. It is 
 a selfish system, and a narrow-minded one ; and it has 
 one crime which many will think worse than all — it tends 
 to make society dull. 
 
 When the French Directory desired Pope Pius VI., 
 about the time of his death, to be stripped of his pontifical 
 habit, and transported to Dijon, he desired to be carried 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 173 
 
 in full canonicals, before the Commissioners, and said : 
 " I am ready to follow you, I have forgotten that I was 
 one of the monarch s of the earth ; but the ministry to 
 which Providence has called me, ought not to finish but 
 when I shall have rendered up my account to my eternal 
 Judge." — Life of Pius VI. 
 
 A man of family and estate ought to consider himself 
 as having the charge of a district, over which he is to 
 diffuse civilization and happiness, and to give an example 
 of good order, virtue, and piety. — Johnson. 
 
 Lord Peterborough said, after a visit to Fenelon, u He 
 was cast in a particular mould, that was never used for. 
 anybody else. He is a delicious creature. But I was 
 forced to get away from him as fast as I possibly could ; 
 else he would have made me pious \ 33 
 
 Dr. Johnson's ascendancy over Boswell, being a source 
 of irritation to Mrs. Boswell, his wife, she one day said : 
 " I have known bears led by men, but this is the first 
 time I ever heard of a man being led by a bear I 93 
 
 In the Memoirs of the Queen of Etruria, she expresses 
 herself much distressed on her arrival at Florence in 1801, 
 to find the palace ill-furnished, and pathetically exclaims : 
 " This was the first time that a daughter of the King of 
 Spain, accustomed to be served on gold or silver, saw 
 herself obliged to eat off porcelain." — Memoirs, p. 340. 
 
174 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Matthew Paris relates, that a certain idle monk of 
 Winchester having complained to Henry II. that three 
 dishes had been taken from the allowance for dinner at his 
 monastery, and that only ten were left, the King replied : 
 u It were well if ten had been taken, and three left !" 
 
 The King of Spain went annually to visit M. Bouret, a 
 wealthy farmer-general. His Majesty observed a book 
 superbly bound in two great folios, and titled on the back, 
 " Le vrai Bonheur." Inside there was written on every 
 successive page, these words, and no more, " Le Roi est 
 venu chez Bouret." 
 
 A soldier once declared that his plan for being 
 courageous was, upon the first fire to consider himself a 
 dead man ; and to fight out the remainder of the day, as 
 regardless of danger as a dead man should be. All the 
 limbs which he carried out of the field he regarded as so 
 much gained, or as so much saved out of the fire. 
 
 Talleyrand said, as his reason for not being able to 
 endure America : " It is a country where a man would sell 
 his favourite dog." 
 
 The Crown Prince of Prussia said once to his father's 
 chancellor (i Can you divine, Hardenberg, what is the first 
 thing I shall do when I become king?" 
 
 " I am confident," replied the Premier, " it will be 
 something equally honourable to your Royal Highness 
 and beneficial to the public." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 175 
 
 " Right for once, Chancellor/' answered the Prince. 
 It will be to imprison you at Spandau." 
 
 Some time ago a printer's boy was carrying on his 
 head a heavy packet addressed to Lieutenant Stratford, 
 R.N., Somerset House. " You young rascal !" exclaimed 
 a tall thief, who, after having read the inscription 
 cunningly, ran up to him : " Lieutenant Stratford has 
 been waiting for the last two hours for this parcel ! Give 
 it me V* The little imp, conscience-stricken and crest- 
 fallen at the recollection that he had twice stopped on his 
 road to play at marbles, delivered up his packet to the 
 conveyancer ; who, on opening it in his den, must have 
 been grievously disappointed to find that it contained 
 nothing but some proof sheets of " The Nautical 
 Almanack." 
 
 A French gentleman said to Monsieur Colbert, " You 
 found the state- carriage overturned on one side, and you 
 have overturned it on the other." There is always some 
 danger in destroying institutions by unskilful or violent 
 changes. A conflagration may be extinguished without a 
 deluge. It is not only hard to distinguish between too 
 little and too much, but between the good and evil 
 intentions of the different reformers. One man calls out 
 "Fire!" that he may save the house, another, that he 
 may run away with the furniture. — Sharp's Essays. 
 
 When Cambaceres was one day in council with 
 Napoleon, he was observed, the hour being very late, to 
 show great symptoms of restless impatience. He at last 
 
176 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 wrote a note, which he privately passed to a gentleman- 
 usher in waiting to carry. Napoleon, suspecting treason, 
 nodded to an A.D.C. to intercept the despatch. As he 
 took it into his hands, Cambaceres begged earnestly that 
 he would not read a trifling note on familiar matters. 
 Napoleon, however, as was his manner, persisted, and 
 found it to be a note to the cook, containing only the 
 following words: Gardez les entremets, les rotis sont 
 perdus ! 
 
 When some one said to Home Tooke, "The law is 
 open to every one," he replied, "So is the London 
 Tavern." 
 
 Sir Alan Gardiner, who was a candidate for West- 
 minster, objected to Mr. Fox, that " he was always against 
 the minister, whether right or wrong, when Home Tooke 
 started up and said : "It is at least an equal objection 
 to Sir Alan, that he is always with the minister, whether 
 right or wrong." 
 
 Holcroft, the author of the "Road to Ruin," dining 
 once at Home Tooke^s villa, and being of a most violent 
 and fiery spirit, became so enraged by some raillery of his 
 host's, that he indignantly started from his chair, saying : 
 
 "Mr. Tooke, you are a scoundrel!" The other, without 
 manifesting the least emotion replied : 
 
 " Mr. Holcroft, when was it that I agreed to dine with 
 you ? shall it be next Thursday V 
 
 "Yes!" replied the angry philosopher, sitting down 
 again. " If you please, Mr. Tooke." 
 
 Horne Tooke desired that the epitaph on his tomb- 
 stone should consist of but three words, " Grateful and 
 Contented." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 177 
 
 The friendship of some people is like our shadow — 
 keeping close while we walk in the sunshine, but 
 deserting us the moment we enter the shade. 
 
 A man's life is an appendix to his heart. — South. 
 
 The lord advocate of Scotland in 1678, Sir George 
 Mackenzie's dedication of his memoirs to the Duke of 
 Lauderdale. " You are yourself the greatest statesman in 
 Europe who is a scholar, and the greatest scholar who is 
 a statesman. You are the man who spends one half of 
 the day in studying w T hat is just, and the other half in 
 practising what is so V 3 
 
 A wise man should have money in his head, but not in 
 his heart.— Sivift. 
 
 Buy what you have no need of, and before long you 
 will sell what you cannot do well without. A good rule 
 is never to take out of a shop what you did not go on 
 purpose to procure, as it is easy to return for it next clay, 
 if, after deliberate consideration, you do decide that it is 
 necessary; and then, in such a case, you return on 
 purpose, without having infringed the cautious rule of 
 previous consideration. 
 
 What a poor reasoner must he be, who knows that he 
 can lift up his finger with a wish, and yet disbelieves 
 anything because it exceeds his comprehension. Does he 
 say that there are difficulties — what Sir Thomas Brown 
 
 i3 
 
178 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 calls "sturdy doubts and boisterous objections, where- 
 with the unhappiness of our knowledge too nearly 
 acquainteth us V We will reply to him, in the language 
 of the same writer, that these " are not to be conquered 
 in a martial posture, but on his knees.' 3 
 
 " The way to prop up religion," says Jeremy Taylor, 
 " is by doing our duty ; and theology is rather a divine 
 life than a divine knowledge. In heaven, indeed, we 
 shall first see, and then love, but here on earth, we must 
 first love ; and love will open our eyes, as well as our 
 hearts, and we shall then see, and perceive, and under- 
 stand." 
 
 "The secret of the Lord is among them that fear 
 Him ; and He will show them His covenant." 
 
 In the beautiful character of the blessed Jesus there 
 was not a more striking feature than a certain sensibility, 
 which disposed Him to take part in every one's affliction 
 to which He was a witness, and to be ready to afford it a 
 miraculous relief. He was apt to be particularly touched 
 by instances of domestic distress, in which the suffering 
 arises from those feelings of friendship, growing out of 
 natural affection and habitual endearment, which consti- 
 tute the perfection of man as a social creature, and 
 distinguish the society of the humankind from the 
 instinctive herdings of the lower animals. — Bishop 
 llorsley. 
 
 Adversity ! how blunt are all the arrows of thy quiver 
 in comparison with those of guilt. — Blair. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 179 
 
 In this house, consecrated to the honour of Christ, in 
 the presence of His people, I now renew the dedication 
 of myself to God, of my whole being, life, thought, 
 powers, faculties, affections, influence, of all He has given 
 and upholds. Let these lips speak His praise, this heart 
 glow with His love, this strength be spent in doing His 
 will ! May I serve Him better than I have done, with 
 purer aims, with simpler purposes, with a soul more 
 penetrated by His perfection, and with success worthy 
 of His cause. I know my infirmity; I cannot forget 
 the lifeless services which have too frequently been 
 offered by me. But I would hope that the recent 
 ordinations of His providence ; that the lessons of de- 
 pendance which have been learned in sickness and afflic- 
 tion, and that His preserving and restoring goodness will 
 produce some better fruit than transient sensibility, will 
 issue in a profound, tender sense of obligation, and. in a 
 firm purpose of duty. We know that one great end of 
 the mixture of evil and good in our present lot is, to 
 draw us to God, to break our spiritual slumber, to soften 
 our obduracy, and to change, through the blended 
 influences of penitence and thankfulness, of sorrow and 
 joy, our faint convictions, into powerful principles. My 
 friends, join with me in prayer to God, that to all His 
 other gifts He will add the highest gift of His holy spirit 
 — so that strengthened to resist the selfish propensities 
 which enslave the bad, and make good men groan, I may 
 show forth in my whole life a fervent spirit, and thus 
 communicate awakening to others. — Life of Charming. 
 vol. ii, p. 2. 
 
 A nephew of the great Xavier, a Jesuit, went to Agra, 
 where the Emperor asked him for an account of the 
 
180 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Christian religion : but, by attempting " a pious fraud/' 
 lie lost this precious opportunity. The Priest, forgetting 
 that honesty is the best policy, outwitted himself, and 
 instead of giving an account of that system from the 
 Bible, vamped up an account written after the extravagant 
 legendary style of the Persian authors. He thought this 
 would ingratiate him with the Emperor, but that monarch 
 was a sagacious man. He read the deceitful book, and 
 returned it, saying : " If this be Christianity, I may as 
 well remain what I am, for we have enough of fables 
 already." 
 
 A Professor at Leyden asked Goldsmith whether the 
 Edinburgh professors were rich : 
 
 " Their salaries seldom exceed £30," replied Goldsmith. 
 " All the rest depends on the number of scholars they 
 can attract to pay them fees." 
 
 a Poor men," replied the German doctor, " I heartily 
 wish they were better provided for : while their salaries 
 remain at this rate, they will continue to draw all the 
 English to their lectures." 
 
 When Pitt recommended Sir Nathaniel Wraxall to 
 George Selwyn for a vacant seat in Parliament, he most 
 unwillingly consented to get him elected, but took his 
 revenge by affecting never to be able to pronounce his 
 name, and went about inquiring : 
 
 " Who is this rascal that Pitt has nominated ?" 
 
 Dr. Johnson says of a Whig friend : " I honour him, 
 and he endures me." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 181 
 
 The Emperor Alexander, who had an enlightened 
 consciousness of the evils attending a despotic govern- 
 ment, said to Madame de Stael, when she was expatiating 
 on the prosperity of Russia under his rule : 
 
 " Madam ! I am but a happy accident." 
 
 No Minister ever excelled Lord North in good-humour ; 
 and when Fox in the House of Commons once con- 
 temptuously alluded to him as u that thing termed a 
 Minister," he replied : 
 
 "The honourable gentleman calls me a thing, and 
 (patting his ample figure), an unshapely thing I am; but 
 when he adds c that thing termed a Minister? he calls 
 me that which he himself is most anxious to become, and 
 therefore I take it as a compliment." 
 
 When Lord North resigned his administration, the 
 announcement caused an instant adjournment of Parlia- 
 ment ; and when the Members crowded to the door of 
 the House, it rained in torrents. Not a carriage was to 
 be seen, except Lord North's, who laughed good- 
 humouredly as he passed through the mob of legislators, 
 saying : 
 
 u You see, gentlemen, what an advantage it is to have 
 been in the secret." 
 
 On the Emperor of Russia's refusing to follow Jeremy 
 Bentham's advice implicitly, the despotic philosopher 
 indignantly returned the portrait and ring which had 
 accompanied the imperial application for a code. 
 
182 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When it was mentioned once that Mrs. Clarke had 
 confessed to the Duke of York all her faults, some one 
 exclaimed : 
 
 "What candour !" 
 
 "And," added George IV,, "what a memory !" 
 
 When Sheridan's finances were at the lowest ebb, and 
 his credit had long vanished, he was met in Pall Mall by 
 a friend with a new pair of boots on. 
 
 " Who has been the sufferer ?" was the natural 
 question. 
 
 " No one." 
 
 Sheridan's friend conjectured many of the ingenious 
 expedients for mystifying tradesmen in vogue among 
 men about town, till at last, the wit interrupted him, 
 saying : 
 
 " It is of no use ! You may guess till you are dumb, 
 and you will not hit upon the way in which I obtained 
 these boots." 
 
 " Then I give it up." 
 
 " Well ! to solve the puzzle, I paid for them !" 
 
 A Chapter from " Horrebow's Natural History of Ice- 
 land," Concerning owls : 
 
 " There are no owls in this island." 
 
 When there was a mutiny in the Russian army, on 
 account of their terror for the cholera and belief that 
 their food was poisoned, the Emperor Nicholas went in 
 person to quell it. At the moment he appeared among 
 his soldier-peasants, the bleeding heads of their officers 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 183 
 
 were rolling down the steps of the barracks. No artillery 
 or dragoons attended on the Emperor, but he arrived in 
 his travelling caleche, accompanied only by Count Orloff. 
 Standing forth to the mutineers, their Sovereign thus 
 addressed them : 
 
 " Soldiers ! you have committed the deepest crimes — 
 instant submission and acknowledgment of your guilt can 
 alone save you." 
 
 The muskets dropped from the arms of the rebels, 
 and they fell prostrate before him. 
 
 " Now," added the Emperor, " that you are again my 
 subjects, I forgive you, but on one condition only, that 
 you at once name the men who misled you." 
 
 The ringleaders were then exiled to Siberia, and this 
 fearful insurrection passed away. 
 
 During the rebellion in 1745, a stout Whig, and a 
 very worthy man in Edinburgh, by occupation a writing- 
 master, enlisted into the Volunteers, and being summoned 
 on duty, ensconced himself beneath a professional cuirass, 
 consisting of two quires of long foolscap writing-paper, 
 and doubtful that even this defence might be unable to 
 protect his valiant heart from the claymores, amongst 
 which its impulses might carry him, had written on the 
 
 outside in his best nourish, " This is the body of J 
 
 M ! Pray give it a Christian burial." 
 
 As a natural resemblance may be traced between re- 
 latives, in respect to their features, their voice, and even 
 their hand-writing, as also there is generally a strong 
 resemblance in their characters and feelings. This forms 
 an instinctive congeniality of mind, which makes a friend- 
 
184 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ship more easily begun, and more apt to be permanent, 
 among relatives, than among those who have no such 
 common origin. The most enthusiastic friendships, begun 
 at school, and carried on for years, often unaccountably 
 degenerate into indifference and forgetfulness, if a long 
 period elapse without meeting or hearing from each other ; 
 but relations, even when long absent, are often discussed 
 in the fireside circle. All they do is reported among their 
 connexions, who feel in some degree answerable for them ; 
 and, after the longest interval, the return of an almost- 
 forgotten relative is an event of interest among all his 
 connexions ; while the mutual kindness of former times is 
 more easily revived, considering the many persons and 
 subjects of common interest in which all parties are 
 united in feeling a concern. Relations should cultivate 
 each other's attachment as the friends appointed them by 
 God Himself. 
 
 Bishop Pearce was a learned English prelate, who died 
 in 1774, at the advanced age of eighty -four. In 1773, by 
 too much diligence in his office, he had exhausted his 
 strength beyond recovery. Having confirmed, at Green- 
 wich, seven hundred persons, he found himself the next 
 day unable to speak, and never regained his former readi- 
 ness of utterance. This happened on the 1st of October, 
 and from that time he remained in a languishing state ; 
 his paralytic complaint increased, and at length his power 
 of swallowing was almost lost. Being asked by one of 
 his family, who constantly attended him, how he could 
 live with so little nourishment, he replied : " I live upon 
 the recollection of an innocent and well-spent life, which is 
 my only sustenance." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 185 
 
 Oh ! the unspeakable littleness of a soul, which, intrusted 
 with Christianity, speaking in God's name to immortal 
 beings, with infinite excitements to the most enlarged, 
 fervent love, sinks down into narrow self-regard, and is 
 chiefly solicitous of its own honour. — Channing. 
 
 Soon after Louis XIV. appointed Bossuet, Bishop of 
 Meaux, he inquired how the citizens liked their new 
 Bishop, to which they answered, doubtfully : " Pretty well." 
 
 "But," asked his Majesty, "what fault do you find 
 with him ?" 
 
 "To say the truth," they replied, "we should have 
 preferred a Bishop who had finished his education ; for, 
 whenever we wait upon him, we are told that he is at his 
 studies." 
 
 Among the addresses presented upon the accession of 
 James I., the ancient town of Shrewsbury sent one, ex- 
 pressing a hope that his Majesty might reign " as long as 
 the sun, moon> and stars endured." 
 
 " Then," replied the King to the deputation which 
 presented it, " if I do, my son must reign by candle- 
 light." 
 
 When the dungeons of the Inquisition at Rome were 
 searched, there were found, in some of the darkest and 
 most hopeless-looking cells, very beautiful inscriptions. 
 In one, the unhappy prisoner had reached as high up 
 towards the little crevice of a window as he could, and 
 inscribed : " Oh, God ! no walls can shut me out from 
 Thy Church !" 
 
186 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When Huss, the martyr, suffered at the stake, he said : 
 " What I taught with my lips, I now seal with my 
 blood." And George Wishart, when burning, exclaimed : 
 "This fire torments my body, but no whit abates my 
 spirits ." 
 
 Henry VIII. gave a very laconic alternative to his Pro- 
 testant subjects : " Turn or burn !" 
 
 During the French Revolution, Jean Bon St. Andre, 
 the Vendean revolutionist, said to a peasant : 
 
 " I will have all your steeples pulled down, that you 
 may no longer have any objects by which you may be 
 reminded of your old superstitions." 
 
 " But," replied the peasant, "you cannot help leaving 
 us the stars." 
 
 The Emperor Maximilian, of Austria, grieved at hear- 
 ing of the treachery of Leo X., said, openly: "This 
 Pope, in my opinion, is a scoundrel. Now may I say, 
 that never in my life has any Pope kept his faith or his 
 word with me. I hope, God willing, this may be the 
 last of them." 
 
 " For a seven weeks' fast, you shall pay twenty pence, 
 if you are rich," said Regino, Abbot of Prum ; " ten, if 
 less wealthy ; and three pence, if you are poor ; and so on 
 for other matters." 
 
 Frederick, Elector of Saxony, surnamed the Wise, said 
 one day, when the Vicar-General Staupitz was conversing 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 187 
 
 with him about those who were in the habit of delivering 
 empty declamations from the pulpit : " All discourses that 
 are filled only with subtleties and human traditions, are 
 wonderfully cold and unimpressive ; since no subtlety can 
 be advanced that another subtlety cannot overthrow. 
 The Holy Scriptures alone are clothed with such power 
 and majesty, that, destroying all our learned reasoning- 
 machines, they press us close, and compel us to say : 
 ' Never man spoke like this man/ " Staupitz having ex- 
 pressed himself entirely of that opinion, the Elector shook 
 him cordially by the hand, and said : u Promise me that 
 you will always think the same/'' 
 
 When Luther preached in the Castle Chapel at Dresden, 
 a conversation took place afterwards at the table of his 
 subsequent enemy and persecutor Duke George, when 
 Madame de la Sale, first lady to the Duchess, said: "If 
 I could hear but one more such sermon, I should die 
 in peace." 
 
 Atterbury said of Luther : " He is a rough wedge, fit 
 to cleave the stubborn block of Popery." 
 
 Luther, in discussing the sagacity of animals, men- 
 tioned this curious instance. Two goats met on a 
 narrow plank over a river, where they could not turn 
 back, yet dared not fight. After standing for some time 
 in obvious perplexity, one at length lay down, and the 
 other walked over him ; thus amicably adjusting a most 
 difficult case. 
 
 Luther, on his first journey into Italy, says : " The 
 nearer we approach Rome, the greater number of bad 
 
188 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Christians we meet with. There is a vulgar proverb, that 
 he who goes to Rome for the first time, looks out for a 
 knave ; the second time, he finds him ; and the third, he 
 brings him away with him. But people are now become 
 so clever, that they make these three journeys in one. 
 
 Luther relates, that Csesar Borgia, having fled from 
 Rome, was taken in Spain. As they were going to try 
 him, he asked for a confessor to visit him in prison. A 
 monk was sent to him, whom he slew, put on his hood, 
 and escaped. 
 
 " Had I not lived with Mirabeau/' says Dumont, " I 
 never should have known all that can be done in one day. 
 A day to him was of more value than a week, or a month 
 to others. To-morrow was not the same impostor to him 
 as to other men. Being told that something was ' impos- 
 sible/ Mirabeau exclaimed : ' Impossible ! never again use 
 that foolish word in my presence/ " 
 
 Inscription on the tomb of Ignatius Loyola, founder of 
 the Jesuits : 
 
 "Whoever thou mayest be who hast pourtrayed to 
 thine own imagination Pompey, or Csesar, or Alexander, 
 open thine eyes to the truth, and let this marble teach 
 thee how much greater a conqueror than they, was 
 Ignatius." 
 
 The well-known idiot at Stirling who could repeat by 
 heart every word of the Bible, being examined once by 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 189 
 
 Bishop Russell, remembered instantly every text as soon as 
 it was asked for. Being desired at length to give a list of 
 all the verses in Scripture inculcating the forgiveness of 
 enemies, the spectators were amazed at the long catalogue 
 he enumerated. Bishop Russell at length interrupted 
 him, saying : 
 
 " And if any man ill-treated you, what would you do 
 to him P 
 
 " Do !" said the idiot fiercely ; " why ! give him as 
 good as I got, of course f" 
 
 It is to be feared that many soi-disant Christians, read 
 their Bibles with quite as little practical effect as the poor 
 idiot of Stirling. 
 
 c< Permit me, Sire," said Le Tellier, the Archbishop of 
 Rheims, to Louis XIV., "to present to your Majesty 
 Don Mabillon, the most learned man in your Majesty's 
 dominions." 
 
 " Sire," rejoined Bossuet, who stood by, " the Arch- 
 bishop might also have said, the most humble man in 
 France." 
 
 It is told of Boerhaave, that whenever he saw a criminal 
 led out to execution, he would say : " May not this man 
 be better than I ? if otherwise, the praise is due, not to 
 me, but to the grace of God." 
 
 An officer who was mortally wounded at Trafalgar, said 
 to a friend, on becoming aware of his approaching end : 
 " You know that my poor mother depends solely on me ! 
 Take notice how many ships have struck before I die, and 
 mind that she shares for them." 
 
190 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 A nobleman dining once at Bishop Stillingfleet^s, ob- 
 served to him that his chaplain, Bentley, was certainly a 
 man of extraordinary mental powers. " Yes," replied 
 Stillingfleet ; " had he but the gift of humility, he would 
 be the most extraordinary man in Europe." 
 
 Birds, insects, plants, and fishes, are variously regarded, 
 according to the temper of the observer, in a culinary, a 
 scientific, a picturesque, or a poetical point of view. To 
 Francis of Assisi they were friends, kinsmen, and even 
 congregations. Doves were his especial favourites. He 
 gathered them into his convents, laid them in his bosom, 
 taught them to eat out of his hand, and pleased himself 
 with talking of them as so many chaste and beautiful 
 brethren of the order. In the lark which sprung up 
 before his feet he saw a Minorite sister, clad in the 
 Franciscan colour; who like a true Franciscan, despised 
 the earth, and soared towards Heaven with thanksgivings 
 for her simple diet. When a nest of those birds fought 
 for the food he brought them, he not only rebuked their 
 inhumanity, but prophesied their punishment. His own 
 voice rose with that of the nightingale in rural vespers ; 
 and at the close of their joint thanksgivings, he praised, 
 and fed, and blessed his fellow-worshipper. 
 
 Without apology, as without doubt, M. Chavin de 
 Malan, in the year 1845, and from the city of Paris, 
 informs us, that when Francis addressed his feathered 
 congregation they stretched out their necks to imbibe his 
 precepts ; — that, at his bidding, the starlings ceased to 
 chatter while he preached ; that in fulfilment of his pre- 
 dictions, the naughty larks died miserably ; — that a falcon 
 announced to him in the mountains the hour of prayer, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 191 
 
 though with gentler voice and a tardier summons, when 
 the saint was sick; — that an ovieidal wolf, being rebuked 
 by this ecclesiastical Orpheus for his carnivorous deeds, 
 placed his paw in the hand of his monitor in pledge of his 
 future good behaviour, and, like a wolf of honour, never 
 more indulged himself in mutton. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Perhaps there are few less happy than those who are 
 ambitious without industry ; who pant for the prize, but 
 will not run the race. — Sharp. 
 
 An Italian sonnet justly, as well as elegantly, compares 
 procrastination to the folly of a traveller who pursues a 
 brook till it widens into a river, and is lost in the sea. 
 The lazy, the dissipated and the fearful should patiently 
 see the active and the bold pass them in the course. — 
 Sharp's Essays. 
 
 Mirabeau alluding to his own singular deformity of ap- 
 pearance, said he was u like a tiger marked with the small 
 pox." His natural vanity, almost as exaggerated as his 
 deformity, even drew from its excess the materials of 
 gratification. " Personne," he used to say, f 'ne connait 
 la puissance de ma laideur." He was wont to speak of 
 its u sublimity !" When Mirabeau was dilating once 
 upon the perfections which must meet in whoever should 
 aspire to govern France under a free constitution, and was 
 enunciating : <c He must be elegant, — sagacious, — noble," 
 — and many other qualities, notoriously possessed by 
 himself, Talleyrand added, glancing slyly at the orator, 
 " And must he not be marked with the small-pox V 
 
192 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Madame de Coigny, on learning that the mob at Paris 
 had burned the bust of their late favourite. Monsieur 
 d'Epremenil, said : " Nothing burns so rapidly as withered 
 laurels." 
 
 Nelson wished the roar of cannon to sound his parting 
 knell. Moore said to Hardinge at Corunna : "You know 
 that I always desired to die this way ;" and the anguish 
 of the wound had no power to disturb his satisfaction. 
 Marshal Villars was told in his latest moments that the 
 Duke of Berwick had just met at the siege of Philipsburg 
 with a soldier's death, and he answered : " I have always 
 said that he was more fortunate than myself/' His con- 
 fessor urged with justice that the better fortune was, to 
 have leisure to prepare for eternity ; but possibly the 
 exclamation proceeded from a momentary gleam of martial 
 ardour, which instinct kindled and reflection quenched. 
 A Christian would never, indeed, fail to make the prepa- 
 ration for battle a preparation for death. Unless every 
 soldier in the wars do as every sick man in his bed, erase 
 every mote out of his conscience, he must know that he is 
 staking both soul and body on the hazard of the fight. 
 " Soldiers," says an old divine, " that carry their lives in 
 their hands, should carry the grace of God in their 
 hearts." 
 
 Old Fuller, having pondered all the modes of distinc- 
 tion, arrived at the short and decisive conclusion : " None 
 please me. But away," the good man adds, " with these 
 thoughts ; the mark must not choose what arrow shall be 
 shot at it." The choice is not ours to make, and if it 
 were, the privilege would prove an embarrassment. — 
 Quarterly Review. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 193 
 
 Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough, invited all her relations 
 to an annual feast, and at one of these family gatherings, 
 where many were expectants of legacies after her decease, 
 she looked at her numerous descendants and exclaimed : 
 " What a glorious sight to see such a number of branches 
 flourishing from the same root/" " Alas \" sighed Jack 
 Spencer, to a first cousin next him, et the branches would 
 flourish far better if the root were under ground." 
 
 Bishop Cousin said of a Mr. Ward, who was commended 
 to him, " I agree that Mr. Ward is an honest gentleman 
 —but let me tell you, as troublesome an honest gentleman 
 as any in the country." 
 
 When Queen Anne, wife of James VI., accidentally 
 shot his Majesty's favourite hound, "Jewel," the King 
 was at first violently angry, but after being told who did 
 it, he became pacified, and the next day sent her a diamond 
 worth two thousand pounds, saying it was u a legacy from 
 his dead dog !" King James was appropriately called 
 " The wisest fool in Christendom." 
 
 When Charles II. saw the unbounded demonstrations 
 of joy at his restoration, such multitudes following him 
 that they were seven hours passing through the city, he 
 said : " It can be nobody's fault but my own that I have 
 staid so long abroad, when all mankind so heartily wished 
 me at home !" 
 
 At the Duke of Norfolk's trial in the reign of Queen 
 Elizabeth, an examination of Bishop Boss being pressed, 
 
 K 
 
194 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 on behalf of the crown, the Duke objected, saying : " He 
 is a Scot !" Her Majesty's Serjeant, however, settled the 
 matter by saying : " A Scot is a Christian man." 
 
 At the assizes for Sussex, in 1714, a man was convicted 
 of having drank to the health of King James III., saying 
 that he knew no such person as King George. " I fined 
 him a hundred pounds," said Justice Powys, " and told 
 him that by his paying a hundred pounds to King George, 
 he would certainly know there was such a person." 
 
 Brissot said of Robespierre : " II est profond en perver- 
 site; il parlera done toujours de la profond perversite des 
 autres !" 
 
 Pepys, in his Diary, says of Harrison the traitor, at his 
 execution : " In the course of being hanged, drawn, and 
 quartered, he looked as cheerful as any man could do in 
 that condition." 
 
 Also, on the death of a predecessor in office, he writes 
 this exquisitely limited tribute of sorrow. " Sir William 
 Petty tells me that Mr. Barlow is dead ; for which, God 
 knows my heart, I could be as sorry as is possible for one 
 to be for a stranger by whose death he gets one hundred 
 per annum." — vol. i, p. 329. 
 
 When Danton was about to be executed, it was growing 
 dark— at the foot of the horrible statue (a colossal effigy 
 of Liberty, in plaster of Paris, erected on the pedestal of 
 the ci-devant statue of Louis XV.) which looked black 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 195 
 
 against the sky, the dark figure of Danton rose, defined 
 rather than illuminated by the dying sun. His air was 
 audacious, his attitude formidable, and that head about to 
 fall, had still an air of authority and dictation. His last 
 words addressed to the executioner were, ce Don't forget 
 to show my head to the people ; 'tis worth looking at." — 
 Souvenirs de M. Arnault. 
 
 A favourite exclamation of the Parisian mob, who must 
 always have a " vive" something or other, became during 
 the Revolution, " vive la mort V* 
 
 Talleyrand proposed that the Duchess de Berri should 
 be threatened for all her strange conspicuous freaks, thus : 
 " Madame, there is no hope for you, you will be tried, 
 condemned, and pardoned !" 
 
 Dr. Franklin, in his Memoirs, gives an interesting 
 account of going to hear a sermon from Whitfield, when 
 perceiving that a charitable collection was to follow, he 
 inwardly resolved to give nothing. " I had in my pocket," 
 he says, " a handful of copper, three or four silver dollars, 
 and five pistoles in gold. As the preacher went on, I 
 softened, and resolved to give the copper ; another stroke 
 of oratory made me ashamed of that, and determined me 
 to give the silver ; and he finished so admirably, that I 
 emptied my pocket wholly into the collector's dish, gold 
 and all !" 
 
 i 
 
 It is curious with respect both to wealth and talents 
 that people are respected for what they are supposed to 
 
 k2 
 
196 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 have, whether they make a display or not. A clever man 
 may be nearly dumb in society, and a rich man may give 
 the shabbiest entertainments, or no entertainments at all, 
 yet both shall be received according to what they could 
 do; though the power without the inclination is a greater 
 affront to friends, than those who do their utmost, 
 though that be ever so little. 
 
 Some years ago, a criminal about to be executed was so 
 hardened in crime, that after repeated visitations from the 
 most experienced and zealous clergymen, it was found im- 
 possible to reach his conscience or to touch his heart. At 
 length a pious Christian, who had remained silently beside 
 him for some time, exclaimed with simple earnestness : 
 
 " When you sat on your mother's knee, long ago, how 
 little she thought it would ever come to this V 9 
 
 The wretched man changed colour, struggled for some 
 moments to conceal his emotion, and then burst into tears. 
 
 " If we have been the children of worthy and affec- 
 tionate parents, who are now no more, the remembrance 
 of their love can never cease to be interesting. We have 
 pleasure in believing that we have derived from them our 
 best qualities, or that we can refer to them our success in 
 life. We look back with a melancholy satisfaction on 
 their anxieties for us when we had no care for ourselves ; 
 on their solicitude to protect or to warn us ; on the affec- 
 tion with which they supplied our want of experience ; 
 on the looks of kindness with which they gratified us ; 
 on the instruction and the discipline by which they endea- 
 voured to form us for the path of life ; on the fervent 
 prayers by which they purified them ; on the earnestness 
 with which they spoke to us of duties and of godliness, when 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 197 
 
 they admonished us of the evils to come, and strove to 
 fortify or instruct us by c the labour of love f on the san- 
 guine hopes which they delighted to indulge, from the 
 progress of our talents, or from our good conduct or suc- 
 cess in the world, or from our duty and affection to them, 
 or from our ardour in good works, or from our fidelity to 
 the God of our fathers."" 
 
 These are the most useful recollections of the human 
 mind. It is the law of our nature, that the parents go 
 down to the grave, and leave their children behind them. 
 But if we can remember our parents with these happy 
 impressions of their affection and fidelity, we have that 
 from them which will interest and admonish us as long as 
 we live. If we have been faithful to the influence of 
 parental love, it will never lose its hold of us. — Sir Henry 
 Moncrieff's Sermons, p. 170. 
 
 When we take up a book in which any previous reader 
 has marked his favourite passage, it is curious how gene- 
 rally the sentences selected are those that contain incon- 
 trovertible truisms, which might have been almost thought 
 too obvious and common-place for a fireside conversation. 
 We see a few words interlined, and two strokes of the 
 pencil conspicuously down the margin ; and glancing 
 ^hastily over the much-approved paragraph, we find nothing 
 more original than this : " The more amiable a woman is 
 in her domestic circle, the more happy does she render 
 her home, and the more will she ever be esteemed as well 
 as beloved by all those who come within the circuit of her 
 influence V J Another page promises something still more 
 exquisite, for the pencil seems to have gone perfectly mad ; 
 stroke upon stroke, line under line, in the most emphatic 
 
198 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 enthusiasm, and we turn impatiently to reap the benefit 
 of what has been so eagerly applauded. "Dignity of 
 character consists in dignity of mind, and true elevation 
 of sentiment will ever rise highest in the esteem of all 
 kindred minds. He who has once been convicted of a 
 mean action, loses caste among the higher aristocracy of 
 intellect or principle, and descends at once, unpitied and 
 despised, into the middle ranks of ordinary men." In 
 fact, with many readers, the less a book originates, the 
 more it seems to " take ;" and a man of inferior intellect 
 is delighted to see his own inferior thoughts mirrored 
 back to him from the printed pages of an inferior author. 
 He has met with his match, and he can jog on, in ami- 
 cable dulness, with a writer whose companionship never 
 spurs his own mind into more exertion than is natural to 
 him, and perfectly easy. 
 
 When Bishop Heber was setting out for India, his 
 
 much-esteemed old friend, Mrs. M , bid him an 
 
 affectionate farewell, saying she owed much to his mi- 
 nistry, and that he should never cease to be an object of 
 her prayers. "May they be answered, may they be 
 answered," replied the Bishop, with extreme emotion; 
 " and now, my dear Madam, farewell. If we meet again 
 on earth, may we be nearer Heaven ; if we meet no more 
 here below, may we meet in Heaven." 
 
 Character of Monsieur de St. Cyran, Founder of Jan- 
 senists in France, from Sir J. Stephen's " Ecclesiastical 
 Biography :" 
 
 "A moral hero, by whom every appetite had been 
 subdued, and every passion tranquillized, though still 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 199 
 
 exquisitively alive to the pains and the enjoyments of 
 life, and responding with almost feminine tenderness to 
 every affectionate and kindly feeling — a master of all 
 erudition, but never so happy as when imparting to little 
 children the elementary truths on which his own heart 
 reposed — grave, nay, solemn in discourse, but with tones 
 so gentle, a wisdom so profound, and words of such 
 strange authority to animate and to soothe the listener, 
 that, in comparison with his, all other colloquial eloquence 
 was wearisome and vapid — rebuking vice far less by stern 
 reproof than by the contrast of his own serene aspect, 
 at once the result and the reflection of the perfect peace 
 in which his mind continually dwelt — exhibiting a tran- 
 script, however rudely and imperfectly, yet faithfully 
 drawn, of the great example to which his eye was ever 
 turned, and where, averting his regard from all inferior 
 models, it was his wont to study, to imitate, and to adore. 
 In short, the St. Cyran of Lancelot's portraiture is one 
 of those rare mortals whose mental health is absolute and 
 unimpaired — whose character consists not so much in the 
 excellence of particular qualities, as in the symmetry, 
 the balance, and the well-adjusted harmonies of all — who 
 concentrate their energies in one mighty object because 
 they live under the habitual influence of one supreme 
 motive — who are ceaselessly animated by a love including 
 every rational being, from Him who is the common 
 parent of the rest, to the meanest and the vilest of those 
 who were originally created in His image and likeness. 
 
 There is much subject for thought in the last words of 
 Thistlewood on the scaffold, "I shall soon know the 
 grand secret \" To a Christian, that secret is full of 
 
 o 
 
200 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 light and hope on earth, yet how solemn, even to the 
 most prepared, must the full revelation be in the moment 
 of death. 
 
 A gallant and distinguished naval officer, who was so 
 dreadfully wounded in battle as to have been most pro- 
 perly remunerated with the honourable distinction of a 
 Knight-Commander of the Bath, and a double pension, 
 went one day to the Secretary of the Admiralty to 
 request that his name might be put down as a candidate 
 for exploring the North-West Passage. The Secretary 
 attempted to dissuade him from entertaining such a 
 thought, alleging his many wounds, from which he was 
 still suffering great inconvenience, the loss of one eye, 
 and the sympathetic affection of the other; stated the 
 painful inconveniences to which he would be exposed 
 from the extreme cold, and the probability of being shut 
 up for a whole winter in the ice ; and he thought that 
 these arguments had convinced him of his unfitness for so 
 perilous an undertaking ; but on leaving the room, the 
 candidate for glory turned round, and with great em- 
 phasis, observed : 
 
 " My ancestor perished honourably in the ice, and I 
 think it very hard that I should be denied the possibility 
 of sharing the same fate." — Quarterly Review, vol. 1, 
 p. 122. 
 
 " Let Princes beware of short speeches, which fly abroad 
 like darts shot from their secret intentions ; their long 
 speeches are flat things, and not noted \" 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 201 
 
 President Jefferson has left a curious account of the 
 boldness and address with which Patrick Henry, the 
 Virginian orator, repelled a clamorous accusation of 
 treason. Dilating on the tyranny of the Stamp Act, 
 Henry exclaimed : 
 
 u Caesar had his Brutus — Charles I. his Cromwell — and 
 George III." 
 
 " Treason," cried the Speaker. 
 
 " Treason ! treason !" echoed from every part of the 
 House. 
 
 It was one of those moments decisive of character. 
 Henry faltered not for an instant ; but rising to a loftier 
 attitude, and fixing on the Speaker an eye of the most 
 determined fire, he finished his sentence with the firmest 
 emphasis : 
 
 " And George III. may profit by their example. If 
 this be treason, make the most of it." — Memoirs of 
 Jefferson. 
 
 Louis XVI. inherited a revolution ; and as the vices of 
 his ancestors had foredoomed him to be a victim, his own 
 virtues fitted him to be a martyr. He had much to suffer, 
 and he suffered well. When some officers drew their 
 swords in his defence, he calmly said : u Put your swords 
 into their scabbards : this multitude is more excited than 
 guilty." One of the crowd handed a bonnet-rouge to 
 Louis XVI. at the end of a pike. "Let him put it on; 
 let him put it on," exclaimed the mob : "it is the sign of 
 patriotism. If he puts it on, we will believe in his good 
 faith." The King made a signal to one of his grenadiers 
 to hand him the bonnet-rouge, and, smiling, he put it on 
 his head ; and then arose shouts of u Vive le Roi /" 
 
 k3 
 
202 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Monarchy with a bonnet-rouge, and Religion with a tri- 
 coloured scarf ! The King himself had begun to believe 
 it feasable ; the Queen's instinct taught her better. She 
 knew that Monarchy must wear its crown, or die. — La- 
 martinets Girondists. 
 
 We travelled with one of those troublesome fellow- 
 passengers in a stage-coach, that is called a well-informed 
 man. For twenty miles, we discoursed about the pro- 
 perties of steam, probabilities of carriages by ditto, 
 till all my science, and more than all, was exhausted ; 
 and I was thinking of escaping my torment, by getting 
 up on the outside, when my gentleman, spying some 
 farming-land, put an unlucky question to me : " What 
 sort of a crop of turnips shall we have this year ?" 
 
 With the greatest suavity, I replied : " It depends, 
 I believe, upon boiled legs of mutton/' — Memoirs of 
 Charles Lamb. 
 
 Charles Lamb, tired of lending his books, threatened 
 to chain Wordsworth's Poems to his shelves, adding : 
 " For of those who borrow, some read slow ; some mean 
 to read, but don't read ; and some neither read nor mean 
 to read, but borrow, to leave you an opinion of their 
 sagacity. I must do my money-borrowing friends the 
 justice to say, that there is nothing of this caprice, or 
 wantonness of alienation in them. When they borrow 
 my money, they never fail to make use of it." — Ta/fourd's 
 Final Memorials. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 203 
 
 A Member of Parliament, formerly describing the in- 
 fluence of Sheridan's wit, said : " The House was so 
 delighted with his eloquence, that Sheridan might have 
 gone up to the Speaker, and pulled off his wig; they 
 could not have brought themselves to testify any dis- 
 pleasure." 
 
 A soldier once said, when he enlisted : " I wish now to 
 see something of life." 
 
 "And/' added a spectator, " something too of death." 
 
 From the Earl of Eglinton's Inaugural Lecture, as 
 Lord Rector of Marischal College, 1851 : 
 
 No expense, no care, no thought, can be too great for 
 the purpose of establishing and perfecting the education 
 of the people. Ignorance is, for the most part/ the 
 cause of sin, and misery, and drunkenness, and crime ; 
 it is that which tills our prisons and our penal settlements 
 with felons — which swells up our poor-rates to such a 
 fearful amount. ]N T o country can thrive which keeps its 
 people in ignorance ; no people can be great who are not 
 comparatively educated. If our own experience, and the 
 dictates of common sense, did not teach us this, the 
 history of the world would show it to us. It is the power 
 of mind which has always carried with it national pre- 
 eminence. 
 
 It is with individuals as with the cultivation of the 
 earth. The very sand can be brought to yield its crop, 
 the barren heather to teem with the food of man ; while 
 the richest soil will not avail us, if the seed is not planted 
 in it. As by culture a bad soil can be rendered fertile, as 
 by the toil of the painter the unmeaning canvas is made 
 
204 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 to reflect the brightest colours, or the lineaments of 
 beauty ; as by the science of the engineer the most rugged 
 shore is changed into the safest haven ; so the youthful 
 mind, which at first sight appears the most unpromising, 
 may often be brought to yield rich fruit. The character 
 of the most repulsive may light up into brilliancy ; and 
 that which appears the hardest heart, may throb with the 
 best feelings of devotion to God, and kindliness to its 
 fellow-creatures. 
 
 Believe me, there are treasures in the human mind 
 as wonderful as any in the depths of the sea, in the 
 lowest strata of the geologist, in the quartz rocks of Cali- 
 fornia, which remain undreamed of, unless they are 
 brought to light by education and training ; and men may 
 have gone to an unknown grave, with the capacities of a 
 Shakspeare or a Newton. 
 
 There may be some of you, whom I am addressing, 
 who have it in your power to become ornaments to society, 
 and benefactors to the human race — to raise yourselves to 
 a position more really distinguished than that which mere 
 hereditary rank gives to such as me. There is not one 
 who may not attain at least to mediocrity. Reflect, I 
 pray you, on the choice which is before you, and the 
 importance of the manner in which you spend the next 
 year or two of your lives. On the one hand, you have 
 self-esteem, honour, certainly competence, perhaps wealth 
 and rank, the more grateful because gained by your own 
 exertions ; on the other, shame, and remorse, and poverty, 
 and the contempt of your fellow-men. What is of more 
 importance than all, you have before you an eternity 
 of happiness or misery. 
 
 The first knowledge to be learned — the foundation of 
 all that is good and great upon earth — the polar-star of 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 205 
 
 our future destiny — is the love and reverence of God, 
 and the study of His Word. Whatever career may be 
 laid out for you, forget not that every science and every 
 study should be based upon that. If you are destined to 
 be ministers of religion, remember that you have no power 
 of yourselves, except through His grace ; if you are to 
 practise the art of healing, remember that the issues of 
 life and death are in His hands ; if moral philosophy is 
 to be your study, recollect that the world is His handy- 
 work ; if you scan the firmament, that you are but a 
 speck on one of the smaller planets, which are obeying 
 His will in an infinity of space, amidst other systems per- 
 haps a thousand times more brilliant than ours. 
 
 Disappointment in military and naval promotion, Sir 
 Francis Head considers to have been productive of much emi- 
 gration. One gallant naval officer was told by William IV., 
 when Lord High Admiral, that he was too young for a 
 ship : and, w 7 ithin a few weeks, by Sir James Graham, as 
 First Lord of the Admiralty, that he was too old. Many 
 fine fellows came out, because they could not live without 
 shooting, and did not choose to be poachers ; a vast 
 number crossed over, because they had " heavy families 
 and small incomes ;" and one of the most loyal men 
 I was acquainted with, and to whose protection I had 
 afterwards occasion to be indebted, in answer to some 
 questions I was inquisitively putting to him, stopped me, 
 by honestly saying, as he looked me full in the face : 
 u My character, Sir, won't bear investigation." 
 
 Of course, a proportion of the emigrants to our North 
 American colonies belong to that philanthropic class of 
 men, who, under the appellation of Socialists, Communists, 
 
206 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 or Liberals, are to be met with in every corner of the old 
 World. Their doctrine is community of goods, but they 
 have no goods at all. They preach division of property, 
 but they have no property to divide. So that their prin- 
 ciple is, not so much to give all they have (for they have 
 nothing to give) to other people, as that other people 
 should give all they have to them. — Sir Francis Head. 
 
 "Do not fear, Sire!" said a grenadier of the National 
 Guard to Louis XVI. in a moment of extreme danger. 
 
 " My friend," replied the King, taking his hand and 
 placing it on his breast, " put your hand here, and see 
 if my heart beats quicker than usual." — Lamartine's 
 Girondists. 
 
 There is, belonging to every monastery in Greece, a 
 small chapel devoted to a very solemn purpose. Those 
 which we have seen were always at some distance from 
 the main building, generally placed in the most lonely 
 spot on the mountain-side. This chapel is entirely 
 deserted, and is never entered except on the one occasion 
 for which it is destined. The monks avoid it with care, 
 knowing that once only shall they enter it, and that in an 
 awful hour. Whenever it is perceived by the brethren 
 that sickness or infirmity has fallen heavily on one of 
 their number, so that they can no longer doubt the speedy 
 termination of his mortal conflict, the superior announces 
 to the dying man that the time is come when he must 
 retire into the prescribed solitude, where he is to wrestle 
 alone with tkat agony, when for the last time his living 
 voice shall be permitted to utter a cry of supplication 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 207 
 
 Pascal's "je mourrai seul" awful as is the truth it con- 
 veys with so much significance, is not enough for them ; 
 not only must their souls of stern necessity depart un- 
 accompanied into the land unseen, but the living man 
 also must await his call without a sight or sound of earth 
 to clog the final prayers that should go as heralds before 
 his advancing spirit — no friendly human voice must cause 
 his eyes to turn back with longing on the home of his 
 pilgrimage — no look of tenderness or pity must come 
 between his gaze and heaven. During the life-agony and 
 the life-struggle, wherein they seek to offer up a w T hole 
 and unreserved love to God, the monks of the order of 
 St. Basil are permitted to w r alk in company along the 
 toilsome paths, but those of death must be endured alone 
 — alone, face to face, must each one meet the dread 
 messenger that calls his soul before his God. If his life 
 has been in accordance w r ith his vows, thankfully will' he 
 seek during his last hours to commune with none save 
 Him in whose likeness he trusts so soon to wake up and 
 be satisfied; gladly will he turn from all connection with 
 the world, and the things of it, to cling in every thought 
 so closely to the Cross that it shall bear him safely over 
 the deep waters of death ; but if it be otherwise — if in 
 name only he was the servant of his Lord — then in the 
 last moment of permitted repentance his sin is made to 
 find him out, where no beguiling words of charitable hope 
 can soften the stern truth, nor the confiding trust of 
 loving hearts dispel the salutary terror by speaking of 
 peace where there is none. So soon, then, as all prospect 
 of recovery is past, for the sufferer, the monks carry a 
 small trestle bedstead up to the chapel, where they place 
 it before the altar, setting beside it only a loaf of bread 
 and a jar of cold water; the dying monk is then con- 
 
208 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ducted to this final refuge. Whenever "his failing strength 
 permits, he walks there voluntarily, toiling with tottering- 
 steps along the last stage of his life's journey, and lays 
 him down with calm submission on his death-bed ; the 
 superior then administers to him the concluding rites of 
 the Church ; the whole brotherhood partake with him of 
 the Holy Communion, and with this solemn act all inter- 
 course with them closes for ever ; no breath from the 
 mortal world must henceforth sully the spirit cleansed by 
 the sacramental blood — no word designed for human ears 
 must pass his lips, now purified as with a living coal. 
 They all depart, and leave him to die in perfect solitude. 
 He lies there ; no light is round him but that of the lamp 
 which hangs before the altar ; no sound is heard but the 
 sobbing of his own life-breath, as it ebbs away. Haply 
 in such a fearful stillness it may seem to him that he can 
 hear the echoing footsteps of the swift approaching death ; 
 or more awful yet, the whispering voices of forgotten sins, 
 rising up to claim repentance. Once only in the twenty- 
 four hours he is visited by his brethren ; they come in the 
 night to chant around him the prayers for the dying, but 
 they never speak to him, for he is no longer of this world 
 — they have nothing further to do with him. Finally, 
 they come to find him dead, but whether his soul went 
 forth in a bitter struggle, or whether gently he fell asleep, 
 none of this earth must ever know. — Christian Remem- 
 brancer, vol. xviii, p. 146. 
 
 To observe the self-appointed austerities of a vain super- 
 stition makes the Protestant ready thankfully to exclaim, 
 like David, "Let me fall into the hands of God rather 
 than of man." How different from such a death-bed of 
 solitary, heartless misery, was that of the Patriarchs, sur- 
 rounded by their children, while leaving to their afflicted 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 209 
 
 descendants and friends a last dying testimony that the 
 hour of their departure being come, they were ready as 
 well as willing to say : " Lord, now lettest thou thy ser- 
 vant depart in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salva- 
 tion." 
 
 When Cain offered his sacrifice to God, it must have 
 looked, to a mere human eye, much more beautiful than 
 that of Abel, for truly the fruits and flowers of the earth 
 would appear far preferable in mere taste ; but his was 
 not the sacrifice that had been commanded, and men 
 are not to invent a fanciful, ornamental religion to please 
 themselves, when implicit obedience is the first of duties. 
 " My son, give me thine heart/' 
 
 When Louis XVI. was told that the total abolition of 
 monarchy in France had been proclaimed, he said, w T ith a 
 sorrowful smile to the Queen : " My kingdom has passed 
 away like a dream,. but it was not a happy dream ! God 
 had imposed it on me ; my people discharge me from it. 
 May France be happy ! I will not complain." On the 
 evening of the same day, Manuel having come to visit 
 the prisoners, " You know," said he to the King, " that 
 democratic principles triumph; that the people have 
 abolished royalty, and have adopted a republican govern- 
 ment ?" " I have heard it," replied the King with serene 
 indifference, se and I have prayed that the republic may 
 be for the good of the people. I have never placed myself 
 between them and their happiness." — Lamartine's Giron- 
 dists. 
 
210 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Coleridge's Letter of Consolation to Charles Lamb, on 
 hearing that his only sister had in a fit of temporary 
 insanity caused the death of her mother : 
 
 Your letter, my friend, struck me with a mighty horror. 
 It rushed upon me, and stupified my feelings. You bid 
 me write you a religious letter ; I am not a man who would 
 attempt to insult the greatness of your anguish by any 
 other consolation. Heaven knows that in the easiest 
 fortunes there is much dissatisfaction and weariness of 
 spirit; much that calls for the exercise of patience and 
 resignation ; but in storms like these, that shake the 
 dwelling and make the heart tremble, there is no middle 
 way between despair and the yielding up of the whole 
 spirit unto the guidance of faith. And surely it is a 
 matter of joy, that your faith in Jesus has been preserved ; 
 the Comforter that should relieve you is not far from you. 
 But as you are a Christian, in the name of that Saviour 
 who was filled with bitterness, I conjure you to have 
 recourse in frequent prayer to " his God and your God/* 
 the God of Mercies, and Father of all comfort. Your 
 poor father is, I hope, almost senseless of the calamity ; 
 the unconscious instrument of Divine Providence knows it 
 not, and your mother is in Heaven. It is sweet to be 
 roused from a frightful dream by the song of birds, and 
 the gladsome rays of the morning. Ah ! how infinitely 
 more sweet to be awakened from the blackness and 
 amazement of a sudden horror, by the glories of God 
 manifest, and the Hallelujahs of Angels ! 
 
 As to what regards yourself, I approve altogether of 
 your abandoning what you justly call vanities. I look 
 upon you as a man called by sorrow and anguish, and a 
 strange desolation of hopes, into quietness, and a soul set 
 apart and made peculiar to God. We cannot arrive at 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 211 
 
 any portion of heavenly bliss without in some measure 
 imitating Christ; and they arrive at the largest inheritance 
 who imitate the most difficult parts of His character, and, 
 bowed down and crushed under foot, cry in fulness of 
 faith, " Father, thy will be done I" 
 
 I wish, above measure, to have you for a little while 
 here ; no visitants shall blow on the nakedness of your 
 feelings — you shall be quiet, and your spirit may be 
 healed. I charge you, my dearest friend, not to dare to 
 encourage gloom and despair ; you are a temporary sharer 
 in human miseries, that you may be an eternal partaker 
 of the Divine nature. I charge you, if by any means it 
 be possible, come to me. 
 
 An Irishman, said to Sir Francis Head, during the 
 rebellion in Canada, " If your Honor will but give us 
 arms, the rebels will find legs !" 
 
 " I now reckon upon a speedy dissolution, but were I 
 to name the period of my life which I should most choose 
 to pass over again, I might be tempted to point to this 
 latter period. I possess the same ardour as ever in study, 
 and the same gaiety in company. I consider, besides, 
 that a man of sixty-five, by dying, cuts off only a few 
 years of infirmities ; and though I see many symptoms 
 of my literary reputation, breaking out at last with 
 additional lustre, I know that I could have but few years 
 to enjoy it. It is difficult to be more detached from life 
 than I am at present. When I lie clown in the evening, 
 I feel myself weaker than when I rose in the morning ; 
 and when I rise in the morning, weaker than when I lay 
 
212 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 down in the evening. When I was reading a few days 
 ago all the excuses which are alleged to Charon for not 
 entering readily into his boat, I could not find one that 
 fitted me. I had no house to finish, I had no daughter 
 to provide for, I had no enemies upon which I wished to 
 revenge myself. I could not well imagine what excuse 
 I could make to Charon, in order to obtain a little delay. 
 I have done everything of consequence that I ever meant 
 to do ; and I could at no time expect to leave my relations 
 and friends in a better situation. I, therefore, have all 
 reason to die contented." Hume then diverted himself with 
 inventing several jocular excuses, which he supposed he 
 might make to Charon, and with imagining the very surly 
 answers which it might suit the character of Charon to 
 return to them : " Good Charon, I have been correcting 
 my works for a new edition. Allow me a little time that 
 I may see how the public receives the alterations." 
 " There will no end of such excuses, so honest friend, 
 please step into the boat." — Hume's Life, vol. ii, p. 511. 
 
 When Madame de Maintenon admonished her own 
 brother to reform his dissolute habits, he replied sarcas- 
 tically : 
 
 "My reformation is impossible; but as regards the 
 affectation of amendment, I am quite ready to undertake 
 it, as your example points out the way." 
 
 Simeon's peculiar attitudes and motions in the pulpit 
 were so remarkable, that they afforded subjects for the 
 graphic pencil of more than one caricaturist. 
 
 A poor Italian boy, who had a talent for taking off 
 portraits with the aid of scissors and black paper, was 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 213 
 
 once of malicious intent conducted to Trinity Church. 
 In a few days, certain little black figures were to be seen 
 in several shop-windows, most successfully illustrative of 
 the bold attitudes familiar to the congregation of Simeon's 
 church. It is even said that their popularity caused the 
 subject of them considerable annoyance ; and that his 
 indignation was, on one occasion, somewhat hastily and 
 disastrously vented on a harmless shop-woman, who stood 
 aghast behind the counter, to see the wrathful preacher 
 rudely stamping on his own little black self. — Christian 
 Remembrancer. 
 
 Archbishop Whately in his papers on Natural History, 
 says, " A cat lived many years in my mother's family, 
 and its feats of sagacity were witnessed by her, my 
 sisters, and myself. It was known, not merely once or 
 twice, but habitually, to ring the parlour-bell whenever 
 it wished the door to be opened. Some alarm was excited 
 on the first occasion that it turned bell-ringer. The 
 family had retired to rest, and in the middle of the night 
 the parlour-bell was rung violently : the sleepers were 
 startled from their repose, and proceeded down stairs, 
 with pokers and tongs, to interrupt, as they thought, the 
 predatory movement of some burglar ; but they were 
 agreeably surprised to discover that the bell had been 
 rung by pussy ; who frequently repeated the act whenever 
 she wanted to get out of the parlour." — p. 9. 
 
 All are assembled for the purpose of enjoyment ; the 
 anxieties of the minister, the feverish struggles of the 
 partizan, the silent toils of the artist or critic, are finished 
 
214 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 for the week ; professional and literary jealousies are 
 hushed; sickness, decrepitude, and death, are silently 
 voted shadows ; and the brilliant assemblage is prepared 
 to exercise to the highest degree, the extraordinary privi- 
 lege of mortals, to live in the knowledge of mortality 
 without its consciousness, to people the present hour with 
 delights, as if a man lived, and laughed, and enjoyed the 
 world for ever. — Saturdays at Holland House. Charles 
 Lamb. 
 
 One particular contributed more than anything to waste 
 my spirits. I was continually fortifying myself with 
 reflections against death and poverty, and shame and pain, 
 and all the other calamities of life. These, no doubt, are 
 exceedingly useful when joined with an active life, because, 
 the occasion being presented along with the reflection, 
 works it into the soil, and makes it take a deeper impres- 
 sion ; but in solitude they serve to little other purpose 
 than to waste the spirits, the force of the mind meeting 
 with no resistance, but wasting itself in the air, like our 
 arm when it misses its aim. This, however, I did not 
 learn but by experience, and till I had already ruined my 
 health, though I was not sensible of it. — David Hume. 
 
 When Louis XIV. was besieging Lille, the Count de 
 Brouai, governor of the town, sent to ask him which 
 quarter of the camp he occupied, in order that it might 
 not be fired upon. The King answered : u All quarters." 
 
 The salt preserveth the sea, and the saints uphold the earth ; 
 Their prayers are the thousand pillars that prop the canopy of 
 nature. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 215 
 
 Verily, an hour without prayer, from some terrestrial mind, 
 Were a curse in the calendar of time, a spot of the blackness 
 
 of darkness. 
 Perchance the terrible day, when the world must rock into 
 
 ruins, 
 Will be one unwhitened by prayer — shall He find faith on the 
 
 earth. — Tupper's Proverbial Philosophy. 
 
 Admiral Duncan's orders to the officers who came on 
 board his ship for instructions previous to the engagement 
 with Admiral de Winter, were far from complicated. 
 " Gentlemen, you see a severe Winter approaching ; I 
 have only to advise you to keep up a good fire." 
 
 Nothing excites so much gratitude as to hear that any 
 one has spoken of us favourably in our absence, and 
 Frederick the Great was always partial to Lord Chester- 
 field, after being told that he had called him : " I/homme 
 de Prusse." 
 
 Prince Polignac on being informed that the troops had 
 turned against Charles X., and were going over to the 
 people, exclaimed : " Well, then, the troops also must be 
 fired upon !" — M. Arago. 
 
 Prince Eugene said, after gaining a useless victory : 
 • On travaille trop pour la gazette V* 
 
 When Bonaparte's carriage was taken at Waterloo, 
 there were found in it two nearly empty bottles, the one of 
 Malaga, and the other of rum. 
 
216 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Dr. Johnson recommended " claret for boys, port for 
 men, and brandy for heroes." 
 
 Bonaparte sent for Fouche one day, in a great rage, 
 declaring he was a fool, unfit to preside over the police, 
 as he knew nothing of what passed in the world. 
 
 " Excuse me, Sire," interrupted Fouche, " I am aware 
 that your Majesty has, at this moment, my dismissal 
 signed in your pocket !" 
 
 Fouche retained office. 
 
 When that pious monarch, Louis XVIII., was urged to 
 sanction the assassination of Napoleon, he answered : u In 
 our family we are murdered, but we never commit murder 
 ourselves." 
 
 The Duke of Marlborough after the Battle of Blenheim, 
 said : " I have prayed more this day than all the chaplains 
 in the army united." 
 
 When Rene ot Anjou was expiring, he said to his 
 friends, all in tears around his bed, who were praying for 
 his recovery : " It is for my soul : yes ! for my soul only, 
 that I conjure you to pray." 
 
 When the Kings of England touched for the evil for- 
 merly, the ceremony consisted in their saying: "I touch. 
 God heals !" 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 217 
 
 "When Louis XIV. wished that his son the Due de 
 Maine should be elected into a certain scientific society, 
 the members replied : " No vacancy at present exists, but 
 any one of us is ready to die, rather than your Majesty 
 should be disappointed." 
 
 Queen Elizabeth once remarked how singular it was 
 that every person taller than her, looked too tall, and every 
 person shorter than her looked too short. 
 
 Lord Nelson used to say : u In sea affairs nothing is 
 impossible, and nothing improbable." A presentiment of 
 his future celebrity was always predominant in his mind, 
 and when quite young, he said to his wife : " I shall yet 
 have a gazette to myself ! If I am in the field of glory, I 
 cannot be kept out of sight ! * 3 
 
 The celebrated Dunkirk fisherman, John Earth, became 
 elevated on account of his courage and naval skill to the 
 rank of commodore of a squadron in the French navy. 
 When he was promoted, Louis XIV. said to him : 
 " John Barth, I have made you a commodore." 
 " Sir," replied the honest tar, " you have done right." 
 
 Lord Nelson sat once to Mr. Bowyer for his picture, 
 while Miss Andrews modelled his head in wax on the 
 other side, when he humorously said : t€ I am not accus- 
 tomed to be taken in this manner, starboard and larboard 
 at the same time !" 
 
218 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When some persons wished the Emperor Leopold to 
 punish a criminal who had shot him through the hat 
 when hunting, he replied with his usual Spanish air: 
 "He is a bungler of one kind or other; he is dying 
 with fear, or dying of hunger; give him a thousand 
 ducats." 
 
 David Hume desired that the inscription on his monu- 
 ment should contain only his name, with the year of his 
 birth and of his death, saying : " I leave it to posterity to 
 add the rest." 
 
 The Duchesse de Maine once frankly declared : " I am 
 very fond of company, for I listen to no one, and every one 
 listens to me \" — Woman in France. 
 
 Of the melancholy of common life, there are two 
 species that have but little resemblance. There is a sullen 
 gloom which disposes to unkindness, and every bad 
 passion ; a fretfulness in all the daily and hourly inter- 
 course of familiar life, which, if it weary at last the assi- 
 duities of friendship, sees only the neglect which it has 
 forced, and not the perversity of humour which gave 
 occasion to it, and soon learns to hate, therefore, what it 
 considers as ingratitude and injustice; or which, if 
 friendship be still assiduous as before, sees in these 
 very assiduities, a proof, not of the strength of that 
 affection which has forgotten the acrimony to soothe 
 the supposed uneasiness which gave it rise, but a proof 
 that there has been no offensive acrimony to be forgotten, 
 and persists therefore in every peevish caprice till the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 219 
 
 domestic tyranny becomes habitual. This melancholy 
 temper, so poisonous to the happiness, not of the indi- 
 vidual only, but of all those who are within the circle of its 
 influence, and who feel their misery the more, because it 
 may perhaps arise from one whom they strive, and vainly 
 strive to love, is the temper of a vulgar mind. But there 
 is a melancholy of a gentler species, a melancholy which 
 as it arises, in a great measure, from a view of the 
 sufferings of man, disposes to a warmer love of man this 
 sufferer, and which is almost as essential to the finer 
 emotions of virtue as it is to the nicer sensibilities of 
 poetic genius. — Brown. 
 
 It is not, perhaps, much thought of, but it is certainly 
 a very important lesson to learn how to enjoy ordinary 
 life, and to be able to relish your being, without the 
 transport of some passion, or gratification of some ap- 
 petite. — Spectator. 
 
 There is one way of attaining what we may term, at 
 least, mortal happiness — a sincere and unchanging ac- 
 tivity for the happiness of others. 
 
 Gardiner, Bishop of Winchester, the virulent opponent 
 of the Reformation, when about to die, exclaimed in an 
 agony of remorse : 
 
 §t I have erred with Peter, but have not repented with 
 him." 
 
 The celebrated Lessing said : 
 
 "If God were to offer me truth in the one hand, 
 
 l2 
 
220 . THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 and the inquiry after it in the other, I should choose the 
 last." 
 
 Science, regarded as the pursuit of truth, which can 
 only be attained by patient and unprejudiced investigation, 
 wherein nothing is too great to be attempted, nothing so 
 minute as to be justly disregarded, must ever afford 
 occupation of consummate interest, and subject of elevated 
 meditation. The contemplation of the works of Creation 
 elevates the mind to the admiration of whatever is great 
 and noble ; accomplishing the object of all study — which, 
 in the elegant language of Sir James Mackintosh, is "to 
 inspire the love of truth, of wisdom, of beauty, especially 
 of goodness, the highest beauty, and of that supreme and 
 eternal Mind, which contains all truth and wisdom, all 
 beauty and goodness." By the love or the delightful 
 contemplation and pursuit of these transcendent aims, 
 for their own sake only, the mind of man is raised from 
 low and perishable objects, and prepared for these high 
 destinies which are appointed for all those who are capable 
 of them. 
 
 The heavens afford the most sublime subject of study 
 which can be derived from science. The magnitude and 
 splendour of the objects, the inconceivable rapidity with 
 which they move, and the enormous distances between 
 them, impress the mind with some notion of the energy 
 that maintains them, in their motions with a durability 
 to which we can see no limit. Equally conspicuous is 
 the goodness of the great First Cause, in having endowed 
 man with faculties by which he can not only appreciate 
 the magnificence of His works, but trace, with precision, 
 .the operation of His laws ; use the globe He inhabits as a 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 221 
 
 base wherewith to measure the magnitude and distance 
 of the sun and planets, and make the diameter of the 
 earth's orbit the first step of a scale by which he may 
 ascend to the starry firmament. Such pursuits, while 
 they ennoble the mind, at the same time inculcate humility, 
 by showing that there is a barrier which no energy, 
 mental or physical, can enable us to pass : that however 
 profoundly we may penetrate the depths of space, there 
 still remain innumerable systems, compared with which, 
 these apparently so vast must dwindle into insignificance, 
 or even become invisible ; and that not only man, but the 
 globe he inhabits — nay, the whole system of which it 
 forms so small a part — might be annihilated, and its ex- 
 tinction be unperceived in the immensity of creation. — 
 Mrs. Somerville. 
 
 Luther defied the sentence of excommunication against 
 himself in these words : " As they have excommunicated 
 me in defence of this sacrilegious heresy, so do I excom- 
 municate them on behalf of the holy truth of God ; and 
 let Christ, our Judge, decide whether of the two excom- 
 munications has the greatest weight with Him/" After 
 these memorable words, he dropped the Papal Bull in to the 
 flames. — Roger's Essays. 
 
 Bautru presented a poet to M. d^Hemery, saying : " Sir, 
 I present to you a person who will give you immortality ; 
 but you must, in the meantime, give him something to 
 live upon." 
 
 Two friends, in passing through Geneva, went to visit 
 
222 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Voltaire, who, it is well known, did not like contradic- 
 tion. It was remarked by one of them : 
 
 ' ' Well, instead of five hours, I could pass five months 
 with this astonishing man." 
 
 "It may be so, my friend," replied the other; "I 
 would not willingly pass five hours with him 3 for I like 
 to be in the right sometimes." 
 
 The man deserving the name, is one whose thoughts 
 and exertions are for others, rather than himself— whose 
 high purpose is adopted on just principles, and never 
 abandoned while heaven or earth afford means of accom- 
 plishing it. He is one who will neither seek an indirect 
 advantage by a specious word, nor take an evil path to 
 secure a real good purpose. Such a man were one for 
 whom a woman's heart should beat constant while he 
 breathes, and break when he dies. — Scott. 
 
 A humble man is one who, thinking of himself neither 
 more highly nor more lowly than he ought to think, 
 passes a true judgment on his own character. There is 
 no genuine self-abasement apart from a lofty conception of 
 our own destiny, powers, and responsibilities; and one 
 of the most excellent of human virtues is but poorly 
 expressed by an abject carriage. Torpid passions, a 
 languid temperament, and a feeble nature, may easily 
 produce that false imitation of humility, which, how- 
 ever, in its genuine state, will ever impart elevation to 
 the soul, and dignity to the demeanour. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 223 
 
 We can better tell what peace is by the enjoyment than 
 the description of it. What health is to the body, and 
 calmness to the sea, and serenity to the day, such is 
 peace, which arises from the religious and orderly dis- 
 posing of our minds. 
 
 It is a subject of hourly experience, that the society of 
 years is snapped in a moment. Barretti was always wel- 
 comed and praised by Johnson ; he was the oldest friend 
 he had in the world. The sharp edge of a witty tongue 
 cut down this growth of time in ten minutes. Barretti, 
 calling on the moralist, was rallied on the superior skill 
 of Omai, the Otaheitan, who had conquered him at chess. 
 In a storm of indignation, snatching up his hat and stick, 
 he rushed from the room, and never visited his friend any 
 more. The stream grew tranquil, but the bough was 
 broken. — Willmotfs Summer in the Country, p. 145. 
 
 Wesley said, when called upon to give an account of 
 his service of plate, in order to be taxed, according to 
 Act of Parliament : " I have five silver spoons ; these are 
 all I have, and all I mean to have, while my poor parish- 
 ioners want bread." — Buxton's Life, p. 153. 
 
 Dr. Black, the celebrated Professor of Chemistry, was 
 often heard to express an anxiety with respect to the mode 
 of his death, and to wish for a quiet departure from this 
 world, without the evils of a long-continued sick-bed. 
 On the 20th of November, 1799, and in the seventy-first 
 year of his age, he expired, without any convulsion, shock, 
 
224 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 or stupor, to announce or retard the approach of death. 
 Being at table, with his usual fare, some bread, a few 
 prunes, and a measured quantity of milk, diluted with 
 water, and having the cup in his hand, when the last 
 stroke of his pulse was to be given, he had set it down 
 on his knees, which were joined together, and kept it 
 steady with his hand, in the manner of a person perfectly 
 at ease ; and in this attitude expired, without spilling a 
 drop, and without a writhe in his countenance ; as if an 
 experiment had been required, to show to his friends the 
 facility with which he departed. His servant opened the 
 door, to tell him that some one had left his name ; but 
 getting no answer, stepped about half-way towards him, 
 and seeing him sitting in that easy posture, supporting 
 his bason of milk with one hand, he thought that he had 
 dropped asleep, which he had sometimes seen happen 
 after his meals. He went back, and shut the door ; but 
 before he got down stairs, some anxiety, which he could 
 not account for, made him return, and look again at his 
 master. Even then he was satisfied, after coming pretty 
 near him, and turned to go away ; but again returned, 
 and coming quite close to him, he found him without life. 
 —Preface to Dr. Black's Lectures, p. 74. 
 
 Voltaire was at table one day, when the company were 
 conversing on the antiquity of the world. His opinion 
 being asked, he said : " The world is like an old coquette, 
 who disguises her age." 
 
 The ignorance of Ferdinand IV., King of Naples, was 
 so excessive as to startle even his well-trained courtiers. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 225 
 
 Thus, mention being made, one day, of the magnitude of 
 the Turkish power in former times, his Majesty was 
 graciously pleased to observe, that " it was no wonder, as 
 all the world were Turks before the birth of our Saviour." 
 Upon another occasion, the conversation turned on the 
 murder of Louis XVI. ; and a courtier having alluded to 
 the execution of Charles I. as a parallel case, the King 
 treated that as a pure fiction, having never heard before of 
 that portion of history. " Depend upon it," said he, 
 a it is a mere tale, trumped up by the Jacobins at Paris, 
 to excuse their own guilt." — Eustace's Tour. 
 
 Dean Swift had no scruple in professing the greatest 
 affection for those he hated and despised. On one occa- 
 sion, in his " Journal to Stella," he says : " I desired 
 Lord Radnor's brother to let my Lord know I would call 
 on him at six, which I did, and was arguing with him 
 three hours to bring him over to us ; and I spoke so 
 closely, that I believe he will be tractable. But he is a 
 scoundrel ; and though I said I only talked from my love 
 to him, I told a lie, for I did not care if he were hanged." 
 — Swift's Works, vol. iii, p. 2. 
 
 Instances have frequently occurred of individuals, in 
 whom the power of imagination has, at a more advanced 
 period of life, been susceptible of culture to a wonderful 
 degree. In such men, what an accession is gained to 
 their most refined pleasures ! What enchantments are 
 added to their most ordinary perceptions ! The mind, 
 awakening, as if from a trance, to a new existence, be- 
 comes habituated to the most interesting aspects of life 
 and of nature; the intellectual eye is " purged of its 
 
 l3 
 
226 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 film f* and things the mast familiar and unnoticed, dis- 
 close charms, invisible before. The same objects and 
 events which were lately beheld with indifference, occupy 
 now all the powers and capacities of the soul ; the con- 
 trast between the present and the past serving only to 
 enhance, and to endear such an unlooked-for acquisition. 
 ■--Stewart's Essays. 
 
 Whenever Franklin saw any one receive a mortification 
 from carrying his head too high, he used to recommend a 
 prudent humility, by relating this circumstance: "When 
 I was leaving the library of Dr. Mather, at Boston, once, 
 by a narrow passage, in which a beam projected from the 
 roof, we were talking, until Mather suddenly called out, 
 9 Stoop ! stoop f Before his guest obeyed the warning, 
 his head struck sharply against the beam ; when his friend 
 remarked, ' You are young, and have the world before 
 you ; stoop as you go through it, and you will miss many 
 hard thumps V " 
 
 The greatest effort of friendship is, not to bear the 
 faults of our friends, but to pardon the superiority of 
 their talents. — Esprit de Mercure. 
 
 It is related, that once, in the House of Commons, 
 Lord Chatham began a speech on West India affairs, with 
 the words: "Sugar, Mr. Speaker — • and then, observ- 
 ing a smile to prevail in the audience, he paused, looked 
 fiercely around, and with a loud voice, rising in its notes, 
 and swelling into vehement anger, he is said to have 
 pronounced again the word " Sugar !" three times ; and 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 227 
 
 having thus quelled the House, and extinguished every 
 appearance of levity or laughter, turned round, and dis- 
 dainfully asked : " Who will laugh at sugar now P 
 
 Charles II. said of Barrow's sermons : et He is not a 
 fair man ; he leaves nothing to be said by any one who 
 comes after him." 
 
 I find earlier days are gone by ; I find I can have no 
 enjoyment in the world but continual drinking of know- 
 ledge ; I find there is no worthy pursuit, but the idea of 
 doing some good for the world. Some do it with their 
 severity, some with their wit, some with their benevolence, 
 some with a sort of power of conferring pleasure and 
 good-humour on all they meet, and in a thousand ways 
 all dutiful to the command of great Nature. There is but 
 one way for me : the road lies through application, study, 
 and thought. I will pursue it, and to that end purpose 
 retiring for some years. — Southey. 
 
 When Bishop Berkeley declined an offer of promotion 
 to a better diocese than Cloyne, he said to Lord Chester- 
 field : " I love the neighbours, and they love me : why, 
 then, should I begin, in my old days, to form new con- 
 nections, and tear myself from those friends whose kind- 
 ness to me is the greatest happiness I enjoy V* 
 
 One of the most cruel murders ever perpetrated under 
 the forms of law, was that of Mrs. Gaunt in the reign of 
 James II. A man who had taken part in Monmouth's 
 rebellion, and who was a stranger to her, w T ent to her 
 
228 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 for shelter, knowing that her life was spent in w r orks of 
 charity ; she took him in, and waited for an opportunity 
 of sending him out of the kingdom. This fellow, hearing 
 the King had declared he would sooner pardon the rebels 
 than those who harboured them, relying upon the declara- 
 tion, went and accused her of high treason for having 
 sheltered him; there was no witness to prove that she 
 knew he was a rebel but himself; her maid could only 
 give in evidence that he was entertained at her house ; and 
 on this evidence, and for the crime, James signed the 
 sentence for burning her alive ! " She died," says 
 Burnet, " with a constancy even to a cheerfulness that 
 struck all who saw it. She said charity was a part of her 
 religion as well as faith ; this, at worst, was the feeding of 
 an enemy ; so she hoped she had her reward with Him 
 for whose sake she did this service, how unworthy soever 
 the person was that made so ill a return for it. She re- 
 joiced that God had honoured her to be the first that 
 suffered by fire in this reign, and that her suffering was a 
 martyrdom for that religion which was all love." Penn, 
 the Quaker, told Burnet he saw her die : she laid the 
 straw about her for burning her speedily, and behaved 
 herself in such a manner that all the spectators melted into 
 tears. 
 
 A simple and pathetic inscription is placed on a tomb- 
 stone at Pere La Chaise, where for years the grave was 
 daily laid with fresh moss, and decorated with the loveliest 
 flower : " Fille cherie — avec toi mes beaux jours sont 
 passes." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 229 
 
 When Lord Dudley/ half in jest and half seriously, 
 expressed to Madame de Stael his hope that the Cossacks 
 would reach Paris, and " nail a horse-shoe on the gates of 
 the Tuileries," her alarm and indignation knew no 
 bounds. Almost suffocated with excitement she could 
 only exclaim : " Quoi done ! Cette belle France I" 
 
 When the son of Louis XVI. was a beautiful boy of four 
 years old, some one explaining a fable to him, ended by 
 saying of the animal that was the subject of it, that, 
 though she had had great misfortunes, she became at last 
 st as happy as a queen /' the young Dauphin replied : 
 " Ah ! Queens are not always happy, for mamma weeps 
 from morning till night ." 
 
 Madame de Stael frequently praised Mrs. Porter for 
 the retired manner in which she maintained her little 
 domestic establishment, yielding her daughters to society, 
 but not to the world. We pray those we love to mark the 
 delicate and most true distinction between " society/' and 
 "the world." "I was set on a stage/' continues 
 Madame de Stael, " at a childish age, to be listened to as 
 a wit, and worshipped for my premature judgment. I 
 drank admiration as my soul's nourishment, and I cannot 
 now live without its poison ; it has been my bane, never 
 an aliment. My heart ever sighed for happiness, and I 
 ever lost it, when I thought it approaching my grasp. I 
 was admired, made an idol, but never beloved." — Art 
 Journal. 
 
 A favourite maxim of Rothschild's was : u Never have 
 anything to do with an unlucky place, or an unlucky 
 
230 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 man. I have seen many clever inen, very clever men, 
 who had not shoes to their feet. I never act with them. 
 Their advice sounds very well, but they cannot get on 
 themselves ; and if they cannot do good to themselves, 
 how can they do good to me V y By aid of such maxims 
 Rothschild acquired three millions of money.— Sir F. 
 Buxton's Memoirs, p. 142. 
 
 Poor people thinking Mrs. Fry's purse as boundless as 
 her good-will, wrote innumerable petitions praying for 
 assistance ; others sought for counsel, or desired employ- 
 ment, which they imagined she would obtain for them. 
 The wealth of Croesus and the patronage of two Prime 
 Ministers rolled into one, would not suffice to pay even 
 one per cent, of the demands on any one who has acquired 
 the name of an active philanthropist. Mrs. Pry ultimately 
 declared to her daughter in her last illness : " I can say 
 one thing, since my heart was touched at the age of 
 seventeen, I believe I never have awakened from sleep, in 
 sickness or in health, by day or by night, without my 
 first waking thought being how best I might serve my 
 Lord." 
 
 Benevolence is not in word and in tongue, but in deed 
 and in truth. It is a business with men as they are, and 
 with human life as drawn by the rough hand of experience. 
 It is a duty which you must perform at the call of prin- 
 ciple, though there be no voice of eloquence to give splen- 
 dour to your exertions, and no music of poetry to lead 
 your willing footsteps through the bowers of enchantment. 
 It is not the impulse of high and ecstatic emotion. It is 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 231 
 
 an exertion of principle. You must go to the poor man's 
 cottage, though no verdure flourish around it, and no 
 rivulet be nigh to delight you by the gentleness of its 
 murmurs. If you look for the romantic simplicity of 
 fiction, you will be disappointed, but it is your duty to 
 persevere in spite of every discouragement. Benevolence 
 is not merely a feeling, but a principle, not a dream of 
 rapture for the fancy to indulge in, but a business for the 
 hand to execute. — Chalmers. 
 
 Let not romantic views your bosom sway, 
 Yield to your duties, and their call obey. 
 
 Our happiness depends not upon torpor, not upon 
 sentimentality, but upon the due exercise of our various 
 faculties ; it is not acquired by sighing for wretchedness, 
 and shunning the wretched, but by vigorously discharg- 
 ing our duty to society. Bacon says, that "in this 
 theatre of man's life, God and angels alone should be 
 lookers on/' 
 
 The pious Hooker said once, u I do not beg a long life 
 of God for any other reason but to live to finish my three 
 remaining books of Polity." 
 
 Many men have such weak spirits, that though God 
 gives them abundance of mercies, yet, if but one affliction 
 befal them, in the midst of their abundance they forget 
 all but it. One affliction is as the grave to bury hundreds 
 of mercies. A small thing laid upon a man's eye, will 
 keep the sight of all the heavens from him : so many 
 
232 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 times a little affliction keeps the sight from abundant 
 blessings. — Burroughes. 
 
 Authorship is, according to the spirit in which it is 
 pursued, an infamy, a pastime, a day-labour, a handicraft, 
 an art, a science, or a virtue. — Schlegel. 
 
 An excellent rule is to suspect the propriety of every 
 communication where the personal feelings or circum- 
 stances of the speaker form part of the subject. — 
 Chalmers. 
 
 Cardinal Richelieu, who said that "unfortunate" and 
 " imprudent" are two words which signify the same thing, 
 seems to have founded this maxim on the singular success 
 of his own administration. He made no scruple of 
 removing any man out of the way who would not implicitly 
 submit to his will, and he imprisoned Marshal Bassom- 
 pierre about eighteen years in the Bastille, because he 
 did not directly and unhesitatingly answer the Cardinal's 
 question : " Voulez vous etre a moi ?" 
 
 Among the many great and striking endowments of 
 Mr. Fox, he had that deep and intimate feeling for human 
 nature, which has generally been estranged from the 
 bosom of statesmen, but which was with him a part of 
 his existence, ever actuating him to alleviate the evils, to 
 vindicate the rights, to soften the calamities, and to 
 increase, by every means in his power, the happiness of 
 mankind. — Roscoe. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 233 
 
 Mr. Edgeworth relates in his Memoirs this little inci- 
 dent : " One evening in summer I happened to be in one 
 of those streets that lead from the Strand towards the 
 Thames. It was a street to which there was no outlet, 
 and consequently free from passengers. A Savoyard was 
 grinding his disregarded organ ; a dark shade fell obliquely 
 across the street, and there was a melancholy produced by 
 the surrounding circumstances that excited my attention. 
 A female beggar suddenly rose from the steps of one of 
 the doors, and began to dance ludicrously to the tune 
 which the Savoyard was playing. I gave the man some 
 money, and remarked, that for such an old woman, the 
 mendicant danced with great sprightliness. She looked 
 at me steadfastly, and sighing, added, that she could 
 once dance well. She desired the Savoyard to play a 
 minuet, the steps of which she began to dance wdth 
 uncommon grace and dignity. I spoke to her French, 
 in which language she replied fluently, and in a good 
 accent; her language, and a knowledge of persons in 
 high life, and of books, which she showed in the course 
 of a few minutes' conversation, convinced me that she 
 must have had a liberal education, and she had been 
 among the higher classes in society. Upon inquiry, she 
 told me that she was of a noble family, whose name she 
 would not injure by telling her own; that she had early 
 disgraced herself; and that, falling from bad to worse, she 
 had sunk to the present miserable condition. I asked her 
 why she did not endeavour to get into some of those 
 asylums which the humanity of the English nation has 
 provided for want and wretchedness ; she replied with a 
 countenance of resolute despair : ie You can do nothing 
 more for me, than to give me half a crown — it will make 
 me drunk, and pay for my bed/'' — p. 354. 
 
234 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 A few days before Pope's death, his physician told him 
 that his pulse was good, and several other encouraging 
 things, on hearing which he turned to his friend Mr. 
 Lyttleton, saying : 
 
 " Here am I dying of a hundred good symptoms." 
 After taking the Communion, Pope said : 
 " There is nothing meritorious but virtue and friend- 
 ship ; and indeed friendship itself is but a part of 
 virtue." 
 
 The meeting of long-parted sisters : 
 
 " Need I to tell the failing heart and paralyzed limbs, 
 with which we stand on the threshold of that moment 
 which hope has fed on, and fond fancy rehearsed for 
 years, and years ere it arrives ? or need I to tell the 
 blissful agony of that meeting — joy too much for the 
 poor heart to hold — the dearly-earned fruits of cruel 
 separation — the life remembered in a moment — the 
 moment remembered for life ? Yet who would wish to 
 pay the heavy penalty — to fast for years for one delicious 
 draught ? How good it is that our fates are not in our 
 own guidance — that the lot is cast into the lap, but the 
 ordering thereof not dependant on us. — Letters from the 
 Baltic, p. 33. 
 
 A worthy antiquarian was one day edifying the French 
 Academy with a monstrously long detail of comparative 
 prices of commodities at different periods, when La Fon- 
 taine observed : 
 
 " This man knows the value of everything except 
 timeP 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 235 
 
 There is no man who has not spent many more days of 
 happiness than of misery. Consider the situation of the 
 generality of mankind, and think what can be added to 
 their felicity. Almost the whole of them wish for some- 
 thing more than they have. This is a spur to their 
 exertion. But what they have in view is generally a trifle 
 in comparison of what they already actually possess. If 
 a man be provided with the necessaries of life, or be able 
 to provide them by his labours ; if he enjoy tolerable 
 health, and be conscious of no crime ; he can hardly feel 
 much uneasiness, unless he be haunted by some of those 
 phantoms of the imagination which men sometimes raise 
 to disturb their own repose. 
 
 If God had so pleased, He could undoubtedly have 
 rendered every being He has formed completely happy. 
 He could have made them incapable even of rendering 
 themselves miserable. He could have made them necessary 
 instead of voluntary agents ; and compelled them to act 
 in the way that would infallibly have produced felicity ; 
 or He might have contrived men in such a manner, that 
 they must have been happy in whatever way they acted. 
 He has not ordered matters in such a way ; and therefore 
 we may be sure that He never intended to do so. 
 Everything is so conducted that His creatures arise to 
 greater and greater degrees of happiness, in consequence 
 of their own exertions, and in consequence of the improve- 
 ment which, by His appointment, follows from their 
 exertions. The more wise and virtuous they become, the 
 more happy they are of consequence. It is evident, 
 therefore, though the Deity intended to communicate 
 happiness, and has done so in the most liberal manner, 
 
236 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 yet this was not the only end He had in view. He 
 intended to make man happy ; but it was in a particular 
 manner, which He knew would at last contribute to the 
 greatest general felicity of the species. — Professor Ar- 
 thur's Discourses, p. 66. 
 
 Lord Bacon used to say that in religion two sects 
 produce a zealous emulation, but more produce in- 
 fidelity. 
 
 When William Penn was tried before the Lord Mayor 
 and Recorder of London for preaching in a Quaker 
 meeting, he came into court, according to Quaker cos- 
 tume with his hat on his head; but the door-keeper, 
 with a due zeal for the dignity of the place, pulled it off 
 as he entered. Upon this, however, the Lord Mayor 
 became quite furious, and ordered the unfortunate beaver 
 to be instantly replaced, which was no sooner done than 
 he fined the poor culprit for appearing covered in his 
 presence ! Penn now insisted upon knowing what law 
 he was accused of having broken. To w T hich simple ques- 
 tion the Ptecorder was reduced to answer : 
 
 u You are an impertinent fellow ! Many have studied 
 thirty or forty years to understand the law, which you are 
 for having expounded in a moment." 
 
 The learned controversialist, however, was not to be 
 silenced so easily. He quoted Lord Coke and Magna 
 Charta on his antagonist in a moment, and chastised his 
 insolence by one of the best and most characteristic 
 repartees ever elicited. 
 
 " I tell you to be silent !" cried the Recorder in a great 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 237 
 
 passion. " If we should suffer you to ask questions till 
 to-morrow morning you would never be the wiser." 
 
 a That," replied the Quaker, with his immoveable tran- 
 quillity, " That is according as the answers are I" 
 
 The jury, after a short consultation, brought in a ver- 
 dict, finding him merely " guilty of speaking in Grace- 
 church Street." For this verdict they were loaded with 
 reproaches by the Court, and sent out to reconsider it ; 
 but in half an hour they returned with the same inge- 
 nious finding, fairly written out and subscribed with all 
 their names. The Court now became more furious than 
 ever, and shut them up without meat, drink, or fire till 
 next morning, when they twice over came back with the 
 same verdict, upon which they were reviled and threatened 
 so furiously by the Recorder, that Penn protested against 
 this plain intimidation of the persons to whose free, suf- 
 frages the law had entrusted his cause. 
 
 The answer of the Recorder was : iC Stop his mouth, 
 jailor ; bring fetters and stake him to the ground." 
 
 Penn replied, with the temper of a Quaker and the 
 spirit of a martyr: "Do your pleasure; I matter Jiot 
 fetters." 
 
 The jury were again sent back, and kept other twenty- 
 four hours, without food or refreshment. On the third 
 day, the natural and glorious effect of this brutality on 
 the spirits of Englishmen was at length produced. In- 
 stead of the special and unmeaning form of their first 
 verdict, they now, all in one voice, declared the prisoner 
 Not guilty." — Clarksorfs Life of Penn. 
 
 4C 
 
 All dramatic writers, both ancient and modern, as well 
 as the keenest and most elegant satirists, have exhausted 
 
238 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 their whole stock of wit to expose avarice; this is the 
 chief subject of Horace's satires and epistles ; and yet the 
 character of a covetous man has never yet been fully 
 drawn or sufficiently explained. Moliere's w Avare" has 
 been exceeded by persons who have existed within my 
 own knowledge. If you could bestow on a man of this 
 disposition the wealth of both the Indies, he would not 
 have enough, because by enough (if such a word be found 
 in the vocabulary of avarice) he always means something 
 more than he is possessed of. It seems not so much a 
 vice as a deplorable piece of madness. The arguments of 
 reason, philosophy, or religion will not affect the miser, 
 for when all his other passions have subsided, that of 
 avarice wholly engrosses him. The greatest endowments 
 of the mind, the greatest abilities in a profession, and 
 even the quiet possession of an immense treasure, will 
 never prevail against avarice. Lord Hardwick, once Lord 
 Chancellor, and worth <£800,000, sets the same value on 
 half-a-crown now as he did when only worth one hundred. 
 The Great Duke of Marlborough, when in the last stage 
 of life and very infirm, walked from the public rooms in 
 Bath to his lodgings, in cold, dark nights, to save six- 
 pence in chair-hire. If the Duke, who left at his death 
 more than a million and a half sterling, could have fore- 
 seen that all his wealth and honours were to be inherited 
 by a grandson of his enemy, Lord Trevor, would he have 
 been so careful to save sixpence for his heir ? Not for 
 the sake of his heir, but nevertheless he would always 
 have saved the sixpence. Sir James Lowther, who had 
 about £40,000 per annum, and was at a loss whom to 
 appoint his heir, after changing a piece of silver in St. 
 George's Coffee-house once, and paying twopence for his 
 dish of coffee, was helped into his chariot, lame and 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 239 
 
 infirm, and went home ; some little time after he returned 
 to the coffee-house, to acquaint the woman who kept it 
 that she had given him a bad half-penny, and demanded 
 another in exchange. Sir William Smyth, with a large 
 fortune and estate, becoming blind about the age of 
 seventy, agreed to give Taylor, the oculist, £63 if he 
 would restore him to sight. The operation succeeded 
 perfectly, but Sir William could think of nothing but the 
 loss of his £63, and kept his eyes bandaged another 
 month, pretending to see nothing perfectly till he per- 
 suaded the oculist to compound for twenty guineas. — Dr. 
 King. 
 
 An alehouse-keeper near Islington, who had long lived 
 at the sign of the French King, upon the commencement 
 of the last war pulled down his old sign, and put up that 
 of the Queen of Hungary. Under the influence of her 
 red face and golden sceptre he continued to sell ale till 
 she was no longer the favourite of his customers ; he 
 changed her, therefore, some time ago for the King of 
 Prussia, who may probably be changed, in turn, for the 
 next great man that shall be set up for vulgar admira- 
 tion. 
 
 In this manner the great are dealt out, one after the 
 other to the gazing crowd. When we have sufficiently 
 wondered at one of them, he is taken in, and another 
 exhibited in his room, who seldom holds his station long, 
 for the mob are ever pleased with variety. 
 
 I must own I have such an indifferent opinion of the 
 vulgar, that I am ever led to suspect that merit which 
 raises their shout; at least I am certain to find those 
 great, and sometimes good men, who find satisfaction in 
 
240 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 such acclamations, made worse by it ; and history has too 
 frequently taught me that the head which has grown this 
 day giddy with the roar of the million, has the very next 
 been fixed upon a pole. 
 
 As Alexander VI. was entering a little town in the 
 neighbourhood of Rome, which had just been evacuated 
 by the enemy, he perceived the townsmen busy in the 
 market-place in pulling down from a gibbet a figure 
 which had been designed to represent himself. There 
 were some also knocking down a neighbouring statue of 
 one of the Orsini family, with whom he was at war, in 
 order to put Alexander's effigy in its place. It is pos- 
 sible a man who knew less of the world would have 
 condemned the adulation of those bare-faced flatterers, 
 but Alexander seemed pleased at their zeal, and turning 
 to Borgia, his son, said with a smile : " You see, my son, 
 the small difference between a gibbet and a statue/ 5 
 
 Cornelius Jansen, Bishop of Ypres, had a love of truth 
 which amounted to a perfect passion, and pursued it 
 often in places where it could not be found, but yet with 
 earnest and intense desire. Often as he traversed his 
 garden, he was seen to pause, and, with his eye directed 
 to heaven, was heard exclaiming : " truth ! truth \" 
 
 In studying Holy Scripture, it is very important to 
 observe that no promise of support and consolation is 
 given to imaginary distresses. Half the sorrows of life 
 arise from desiring that which is not necessary to our 
 happiness, or from anticipating afflictions that never 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS, 241 
 
 arrive. Some men, through fear of death, are all their 
 life subject to bondage ; and others through fear of cala- 
 mity cannot enjoy the present good that God bestows ; 
 but the Christian, while praying earnestly that he may 
 be prepared to meet the decrees of Providence when they 
 come, will at the same time cheerfully trust that as his 
 day is, so shall his strength (in due time) be. Many 
 have tortured their minds by apprehending that, had they 
 been tried like the martyrs, they could not have suffered 
 like the martyrs; but the fears of imagination, like its 
 pleasures, are not included in the catalogue of those 
 emergencies for which the promises of Scripture may be 
 humbly claimed. 
 
 When Coleridge was offered half-share in these two 
 newspapers, the ' Morning Post' and c Courier/ by which 
 he could probably have secured £2,000 a-year, he re- 
 plied : " I will not give up the country, and the lazy 
 reading of old folios, for two thousand times two thousand 
 pounds ; in short, beyond £350 a-year, I consider money 
 as a real evil." — Essays, vol. i, p. 91. 
 
 A poet once presented an epitaph on Moliere to a 
 friend, who replied : u I had much rather that it was he 
 who brought me yours." 
 
 In the council of war which was held before the battle 
 of Rocroi, the Prince of Conde having stated all the 
 advantages of fighting in the event of victory, the Mare- 
 chal de Gassion replied : 
 
 " But if we lose, what is to become of us ?" 
 
 M 
 
242 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 " I never think of that," said the Prince ; " I shall be 
 dead first P 
 
 Dr. Heyward had written a work on the dethronement 
 of Eichard II., in which he expressed sentiments highly 
 displeasing to Queen Elizabeth. She sent him to the 
 Tower, and might have sent him to the scaffold, under an 
 impression that the book was more important than it really 
 was. She applied to Lord Bacon to know if it did not 
 contain treason. 
 
 "No!" replied Bacon, anxious for the security of his 
 friend. " Not treason, but a great deal of felony." 
 
 "Felony !" exclaimed the Queen, "how so ?" 
 
 " Because," said the lawyer, " he has stolen most of his 
 expressions and conceits from Cornelius Tacitus." 
 
 The Queen laughed, and relented. — London Prisons, 
 p. 96. 
 
 It is a wise and admirable arrangement of matters, 
 when such an employment is laid down for every hour as 
 to beget no wavering, no idleness, no hesitation about 
 what I shall turn to next. And remember that needful 
 amusement is not idleness — healthful relaxation is not 
 idleness — attention to friends and acquaintances is not 
 idleness — falling in with such arrangements in the way of 
 business or visiting as your natural superiors expect you 
 to concur in, and which are not hostile to principle, how- 
 ever offensive to taste and inclination, is not idleness. 
 All this you may do unto the Lord, for He wills all this ; 
 but may Heaven ever preserve you from such idleness as 
 to escape from the misery of its own languor, flies for re- 
 sources to any one quarter where it may find them. Do 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 243 
 
 study such a filling up of time as will keep you away from 
 the evil communications of a world in wickedness ; and 
 if, when you look around, you see an unvaried atmo- 
 sphere of corruption, think that Christ came to make unto 
 Himself a peculiar people, and do nobly signalise yourself; 
 and in daring to be singular, lift your intrepid front 
 against the tide of general example, and follow severely 
 the suggestions of principle amid all the ridicule of the 
 world, and all its outcry. — Memoirs of Dr. Chalmers, 
 vol. ii, p. 31. 
 
 The doctrine of indifference to temporal occurrences, 
 evidences want of faith in the wisdom and love of that 
 discipline which is fitting us, by our daily life here, for 
 action and enjoyment in the wider happier world we hope 
 soon to enter upon. It is not by indifference to earthly 
 things, but by a keen yet controlled appreciation of 
 the pains and pleasures which belong to them, that we 
 can most fully receive that spiritual education by which 
 our Father in heaven offers to make each one of us meet 
 for the enjoyment of His glorious presence. This life 
 would lose its efficiency as a state of probation or prepara- 
 tion, if its good or its ill were encountered with the 
 heathenish indifference of the stoic. — Letters on Happi- 
 ness, p. 8. 
 
 Mr. Marten, M.P., was the greatest wit of his day. 
 One evening he delivered a furious philippic against Sir 
 Harry Vane, and when he had buried him beneath a load 
 of sarcasms, he continued : 
 
 "But, as for young Sir Harry Vane — " and so sat 
 down. 
 
 m2 
 
244 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The House was astounded. Several persons cried out : 
 " What have you to say to young Sir Harry ?" 
 Mr. Marten at once rose and added : 
 " Why ! if young Sir Harry lives to be old, he will be 
 old Sir Harry \" — London Prisons, p. 97. 
 
 The Count de Cuissine observes in his travels : " The 
 only difference between the Episcopalian and Presbyterian 
 Churches is, that one has an organ, and the other has 
 none !" 
 
 Try as we will, we can never write for ourselves only. 
 Even if we never show, what is written, we have still an 
 imaginary public before us. What is chiefly to be feared 
 from this is, that it should afford food for vanity. When 
 a man occupies his mind so much with himself, he is in 
 danger of thinking all that happens to him more im- 
 portant than what happens to others.— Von Humboldt's 
 Letters, p. 146. 
 
 Some one telling the famous Jerome Bignon that Rome 
 is the seat of faith : " True," replied he, " but then faith 
 is like some people, who are never to be found at home." 
 
 There is no man who has not some interesting associa- 
 tions with particular scenes, or airs, or books, and who 
 does not feel their beauty or sublimity, enhanced to him 
 by such connexions. The view of the house where one 
 was born, of the school where one was educated, and 
 where the gay years of infancy were passed, is indifferent 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 245 
 
 to no man. They recal so many images of past happiness, 
 and past affections, they are connected with so many strong 
 or valued emotions, and lead altogether to so long a train 
 of feelings and recollections, that there is hardly any scene 
 which one ever beholds with so much rapture. There are 
 songs also that we have heard in our infancy, which, when 
 brought to our remembrance in after years, raise emotions 
 for which we cannot well account ; and which, though per- 
 haps very indifferent in themselves, still continue from 
 this association, and from the variety of conceptions which 
 they kindle in our minds, to be our favourites through 
 life. The scenes which have been distinguished by the 
 residence of any person, whose memory we admire, pro- 
 duce a similar effect. The scenes themselves may be 
 little beautiful ; but the delight with which we recollect 
 the traces of their lives, blends itself insensibly with the 
 emotions which the scenery excites ; and the admiration 
 which these recollections afford, seems to give a kind of 
 sanctity to the place where they dwelt, and converts every- 
 thing into beauty which appears to have been connected 
 with them. — Alison on Taste, p. 23. 
 
 When the Empress Catherine received deputies from 
 all the provinces of her vast empire, two Scythians were 
 asked, what legislative enactments they thought best 
 adapted to their nation : 
 
 " Our laws are few," said one of them ; " and we want 
 no more !" 
 
 u What \" exclaimed the Empress ; " do theft and 
 murder never appear amongst you ?" 
 
 "We have such crimes/' answered the deputy, " and 
 
246 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 tliey are punished. The man who deprives another of life 
 wrongfully is put to death." 
 
 " But/' added the Empress, " what is your punishment 
 for theft V 3 
 
 "How!" exclaimed the Scythian; "is it not suffi- 
 ciently punished by detection !" — Sir John Carr's 
 Travels. 
 
 To all who could coldly sit out the performance of one 
 of Bellini's tender and impassioned compositions, insen- 
 sible to its beauties, unmoved by its inspiring strains, and 
 intent upon nothing but the technical errors into which 
 the composer, in the heat of his fancy, may have been 
 hurried, we w r ould say, in the often-quoted words of 
 Rousseau : 
 
 " If you are calm and tranquil amidst the ecstacies of 
 this great art, if you feel no delirium, no transport — 
 profane not the sacred shrine of genius with your pre- 
 sence ; what can it avail you to hear what you cannot 
 feel?" 
 
 Pew, who are not encouraged, persevere till the 
 strength of their genius comes out. He who expects no 
 reward, works carelessly and languidly. He cannot 
 entirely abandon the chase ; but he has no energy because 
 he has no hope. Men who go on successfully, and with 
 cheers, often show at last faculties which no one sus- 
 pected to be in them, and which they did not even them- 
 selves suspect ; while others, depressed and blighted, let 
 great genius sink into imbecility and despair. — Sir 
 Egerton Brydges. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 247 
 
 Lord Chatham in Parliament made a fine allusion once 
 to the maxim of English law, that every man's house is 
 his castle : 
 
 " The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to 
 all the forces of the Crown. It may be frail — its roof 
 may shake — the wind may blow through it — the storm 
 may enter — the rain may enter — but the King of Eng- 
 land cannot enter ! all his power does not cross the 
 threshold of the ruined tenement ¥* 
 
 It is related in a Book of Etiquette, that George IV., 
 when Prince of Wales, was once observed to bow to every 
 one in the street who saluted him, till he came to the 
 man who swept the crossing, whom he passed without 
 notice. The narrator of this circumstance, gravely dis- 
 cusses whether the Prince was right in making this 
 exception, and finally decides in favour of his Royal 
 Highness saying : 
 
 " To salute a beggar without giving him anything 
 would be a mockery, and to stop for the purpose of 
 bestowing a sixpence would wear the semblance of osten- 
 tation in a Prince." 
 
 Sir Walter Raleigh, on the morning of his execution, 
 received a cup of sack, and remarked that he liked it as 
 well as the prisoner who drank of St. Giles's bowl in 
 passing through Tyburn, and said, " It is good to drink 
 if a man might but tarry by it." He turned to his old 
 friend Sir Hugh Ceeston, who was repulsed by the Sheriff 
 from the scaffold, saying : 
 
 " Never fear but I shall have a place." 
 
 When a man extremely bald pressed forward to see 
 Raleigh, and to pray for him, Sir Walter took from his 
 
248 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 own head a richly embroidered cap, and placing it on 
 that of the aged spectator, said : 
 
 "Take this, good friend, to remember me, for you have 
 more need on it than I." 
 
 "Farewell, my Lords," he cheerfully exclaimed to a 
 courtly group, who took an affectionate leave of him ; 
 " I have a long journey before me, and must say good 
 bye." 
 
 " Now I am going to God," said that heroic spirit, as 
 he reached the scaffold; and gently touching the axe, 
 continued, " This is a sharp medicine, but it will cure all 
 diseases." 
 
 The very executioner shrunk from beheading one so 
 brave and illustrious, until the unintimidated knight 
 encouraged him, saying : 
 
 " What dost thou fear ? Strike man." 
 
 In another moment, the mighty soul fled from its 
 mangled tenement. 
 
 Mr. Popham, when he was Speaker, and the House 
 had sat long, and done in effect nothing, coming one day 
 to Queen Elizabeth, she said to him: 
 
 " Now, Mr. Speaker, what hath passed in the House 
 of Commons ?" 
 
 He answered : 
 
 " If it please your Majesty, seven iveeks." — Bacon. 
 
 A celebrated physician said to Lord Eldon's brother, 
 Sir William Scott, rather more flippantly than became 
 the gravity of his profession : 
 
 " You know after forty, a man is always either a fool 
 or a physician." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 249 
 
 The Baronet archly replied, in an insinuating voice : 
 " Perhaps he may be both, Doctor." — Lord Brougham's 
 Memoirs of Statesmen. 
 
 When Louis XV. in his early youth first learned to 
 read, and opened a book in which the death of some 
 monarch was alluded to, he turned to his tutor, exclaiming : 
 
 " How is this ! do Kings die ?" 
 
 " Sometimes, Monseigneur," was the cautious reply. 
 
 An instance of the ruling passion, which surpasses even 
 Pope's celebrated example of Mrs. Oldfield, took place in 
 France, where Madame de Charolais, being in the same 
 circumstance with the dying actress, was with extreme 
 difficulty prevailed on to receive the Sacrament without 
 rouge. Being at last unable to resist the entreaties of 
 her confessor, who, probably, insisted on the evil of face- 
 painting, she at last consented to wipe away the cherished 
 ornament. 
 
 " But in this case," she said to her abigail, " give me 
 some other ribbons ; you know how horribly ill yellow 
 becomes my complexion." 
 
 Princess Caroline, third daughter of George II., was the 
 Queen's favourite child, who returned the attachment 
 with duty, gratitude, and affection. Being in ill-health 
 at the time of her mother's death, the Queen told her she 
 would follow her in less than a year. The Princess re- 
 ceived the notice as a prophecy ; and though she lived 
 many years after it had proved a vain one, she quitted the 
 world, and persevered in the closest retreat, and in con- 
 
 m3 
 
250 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 stant religious preparation for the grave ; a moment she 
 so eagerly desired, that when something was once pro- 
 posed to her, to which she was averse, she said : 
 
 " I would not do it to die." 
 
 For many years she was totally an invalid, and 
 shut herself up in two chambers in the inner part of 
 St. James's, from whence she could not see a single 
 object. In this monastic retirement, with no company 
 but of the King, the Duke, Princess Emily, and a few of 
 the most intimate of the Court, she led, not an unblame- 
 able life only, but a meritorious one ; her whole income 
 was dispensed between generosity and charity ; and, till 
 her death by shutting up the current discovered the 
 source, the jails of London did not suspect that the best 
 support of their wretched inhabitants was issued from the 
 Palace. 
 
 From the last Sunday to the "Wednesday on which she 
 died, she declined seeing her family ; and when the mor- 
 tification began, and the pain ceased, she said : 
 
 "I feared I should not have died of this." 
 
 The mother of Philip, Duke of Orleans said once : 
 " Though good fairies have gifted my son at his birth 
 with numerous qualities, one envious member of the 
 sisterhood has spitefully decreed that he shall never know 
 how to use any of these gifts." 
 
 From what I have observed, and what I have heard 
 those persons say whose professions lead them to the 
 dying, I am induced to infer that the fear of death is not 
 common, and that, where it exists, it proceeds rather from 
 a diseased and enfeebled mind than from any principle in 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 251 
 
 our nature. Certain it is, that among the poor the ap- 
 proach of dissolution is usually regarded with a quiet 
 and natural composure, which it is consolatory to contem- 
 plate, and which is as far removed from the dead palsy of 
 unbelief as it is from the delirious raptures of fanaticism. 
 Theirs is a true, unhesitating faith, and they are willing to 
 lay down the burden of a weary life, in the sure and certain 
 hope of a blessed immortality. — Southey. 
 
 In the heaviest afflictions, if they were stripped of all 
 that is purely imaginative, there would remain much less 
 to regret than is generally conceived. Horace Walpole 
 says : " I have had a much happier life than I deserve, 
 and than millions that deserve better. I should be very 
 weak, if I could not bear the uncomfortableness of old age, 
 when I can afford what comforts it is capable of. How 
 many poor people have none of them ! I am ashamed 
 whenever I am peevish, and recollect that I have fire and 
 servants to help me.^ In every misfortune, think how 
 many there are who would think themselves advanced 
 almost to heaven if they could have but a part of the 
 wreck of your property. A man accustomed to an income 
 of £20,000 a-year feels impoverished with only £10,000, 
 and in beggary if reduced to £1,000 per annum; whereas 
 those with £100 a-year are looking up with envy to his 
 remaining wealth, which gives him many luxuries that 
 they never even knew. Ever remember, too, that heaven's 
 favours here are trials, not rewards. 
 
 The colour of our whole life is generally such as the 
 three or four first years, in which we are our own masters, 
 
252 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 make it. Then it is that we may be said to shape our 
 own destiny, and to treasure up for ourselves a series of 
 future successes or disappointments. Had I employed 
 my time wisely, I had never been a poet perhaps, but I 
 might by this time have acquired a character of more 
 importance in society, and a situation in which my friends 
 would have been better pleased to see me. The only use 
 I can make of myself now, at least the best, is to serve 
 in terrorem to others, when occasion may happen to offer, 
 that they may escape (as far as my admonitions can have 
 any weight with them) my folly and my fate. — Cowper's 
 Letters. 
 
 When the Regent Duke of Orleans was entreated to 
 
 pardon the Prince of , who had committed three 
 
 murders, he replied, addressing the culprit : " I pardon 
 you ; but take notice, and keep this in your memory, I 
 certainly will pardon the man, whoever he be, that kills 
 you." 
 
 H Fool ! fool ! fool !" were the last words of one on 
 his dying-bed, who, it is to be feared, had procrastinated 
 his repentance too long, and too fearfully; while the 
 humble Christian, sensible of a thousand failings and 
 imperfections, still looks with the eye of faith on his 
 Redeemer, and his soul, like the flight of an eagle towards 
 the heavens, soars to the regions of everlasting happiness. 
 — Jesse's Favourite Haunts, p. 285. 
 
 A gentle, flowing rivulet, and an impetuous torrent, do 
 not affect us in the same manner. The mind is disposed 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 253 
 
 to tranquillity by the one, and roused and agitated by the 
 other. The distinction between the sensations occasioned 
 by sublime and by beautiful objects is universally known. 
 The characters of these sentiments are exceedingly different. 
 The sensation of beauty is gay and enlivening. The sen- 
 sation of sublimity is solemn and elevating. — Pi*ofessor 
 Arthur's Discourses, p. 184. 
 
 The ninth Earl Mareschal, being advised at eighty 
 years old to send a statement of his infirmities, that an 
 eminent English physician might prescribe, he writes : 
 M I thank you for your advice of consulting the English 
 doctor to repair my old carcase. I have lately done so by 
 my old coach, and it is now almost as good as new. 
 Please, therefore, to tell the doctor that from him I expect 
 a good repair. First, he must know that the machine is 
 the worse for wear, being nearly eighty years old. The 
 reparation I propose he shall begin with is, one pair of 
 new eyes, one pair of new ears, some improvement on the 
 memory. When this is done, we shall ask new legs, and 
 some change in the stomach. For the present this first 
 reparation will be sufficient, and we must not trouble the 
 doctor too much at once." — Correspondence of Sir i?. 
 Murray Keith. 
 
 It is in the time of trouble, when some, to whom we 
 may have looked for consolation and encouragement, 
 regard us with coldness, and others, perhaps, treat us 
 with hostility, that the warmth of the friendly heart, and 
 the support of the friendly hand, acquire increased value, 
 and demand additional gratitude. — Mant. 
 
254 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 As a science, religion consists in the knowledge of the 
 relations between God and man ; as a living principle, in 
 the exercise of the corresponding affections ; as a rule of 
 duty, in the performance of the actions which those affec- 
 tions prescribe. The principle may thrive in healthful 
 life and energy, though the science be ill understood, and 
 the rule imperfectly apprehended. For, after all, the 
 great command is Love, and He from whom that com- 
 mand proceeded is himself Love. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 When Sir Robert Walpole was Prime Minister, he 
 whispered some remarks to the Speaker while Sir John 
 Barnard, member for the City, was opposing his measures ; 
 but the Baronet, after pausing a moment, seeing that the 
 dialogue was likely to continue, exclaimed : " I address 
 myself to you, Mr. Speaker, and not to your chair. I 
 will be heard, and I call that gentleman to order \" 
 
 " Act well at the moment," says Lavater, t€ and you 
 have performed a good action to all eternity." 
 
 Dr. Johnson, it is said, when he first heard of BoswelPs 
 intention to write a life of him, announced, with decision 
 enough, that if he thought Boswell really meant to write 
 his life, he would prevent it by taking BoswelFs. That 
 great authors should actually employ this preventive 
 against bad biographers is a thing we would by no means 
 recommend ; but the truth is, that rich as we are in biog- 
 raphy, a well-written life is almost as rare as a well- 
 spent one ; and there are certainly many more men w T hose 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 255 
 
 history deserves to be recorded, than persons willing and 
 able to furnish the record. — Edinburgh Review. 
 
 Henry IV., of France, announced his brilliant and 
 almost miraculous victory to his favourite friend in these 
 words: "Pends-toi, brave Crillon ! Nous avons combattu 
 a Arques, et tu n'y etois pas. 
 
 >> 
 
 I want to know how the world goes on : we stand 
 still here. Dulness, in the solemn garb of wisdom, wraps 
 us in its gentle wing ; and here we dream that others do 
 ill, and happy are we that we do nothing. One yawns : 
 (C There is peace in solitude;" another stirs the fire, and 
 cries : a How happy is liberty and independence \" ano- 
 ther takes a pinch of snuff, and praises leisure ; another 
 pulls a knotting shuttle out of her pocket, and commends 
 a little innocent amusement; their neighbour, more la- 
 borious, making a lace with two bobbins, says business 
 should be preferred to pleasure and diversion. How 
 wise is everybody by their own fire-side, and how happy 
 every one in their own way ! What glorious things do 
 the ambitious say of ambition. How civilly do the indo- 
 lent speak of idleness, and how prettily do the trifling 
 express trifles ! How cunning do those think themselves 
 who live in cities, and how innocent do they look upon 
 themselves to be who dwell in the country. — Mrs. Mon- 
 tague's Letters, vol. ii, p. 150. 
 
 During the reign of Queen Mary of England, the 
 Bench of Bishops had put to death five of their own 
 number, including Cranmer. But in little more than the 
 
256 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 same time thirty of themselves died "by the visitation of 
 God;" and such was the mortality among the priests 
 generally, that in divers parts of the realm no curates 
 could he gotten for money. At the burning of some 
 Protestants in London, when proclamation had been made 
 strictly commanding that no one should speak to or pray 
 for the martyrs, or say " God help them I" a heroic 
 minister cried out : " Almighty God, for Christ's sake 
 strengthen them !" Immediately with one voice the whole 
 multitude loudly responded : " Amen ! amen \" — Annals 
 of the English Bible. 
 
 You once remarked to me how time strengthened 
 family affections, and, indeed, all early ones ; one's feel- 
 ings seem to be weary of travelling, and like to rest at 
 home. They who tell me that men grow hard-hearted as 
 they grow older, have a very limited view of this world of 
 ours. It is true with those whose views and hopes are 
 merely and vulgarly worldly; but when human nature is 
 not perverted, time strengthens our kindly feelings, and 
 abates our angry ones. — Southey. 
 
 It is impossible that any person, however thoughtless 
 and unaccustomed to observe the works of creation, can 
 look around him, even during a morning's ramble through 
 the fields, without being struck with the number of living 
 beings that offer themselves to his notice, presenting in- 
 finite diversity of form, and obviously adapted by their 
 construction and habits, to occupy various and widely 
 different situations. The careless lounger, indeed, un- 
 taught to mark the less obtrusive and minuter features of 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 257 
 
 the landscape, sees, perhaps, the cattle grazing in the 
 field, watches the swallows as they glance along, or listens 
 with undefined emotions of pleasure to the vocal choir of 
 unseen feathered songsters ; and, content with these 
 symptoms of life around him, passes unheeding onwards. 
 Not so the curious and enlightened wanderer, inquisitive 
 to understand all that he finds around him : his prying 
 eye and intelligent mind not only can appreciate the 
 grosser beauties of the scene, and gather full enjoyment 
 from the survey, but perceive objects of wonder multiply 
 at every step he takes — the grass, the trees, the flowers, 
 the earth, the air, swarm with innumerable kinds of active 
 living creatures — every stone upturned reveals some 
 insect wonder ; nay, the stagnant ditch he knows to be a 
 world w r herein incalculable myriads pass their lives, and 
 every drop to swarm with animated atoms, able to pro- 
 claim the Omnipotent Designer loudly as the stars them- 
 selves. 
 
 Is it upon the sea-shore that the student of nature 
 walks ? Each rippling w T ave lays at his feet some tribute 
 from the deep, and tell of wonders indescribable — brings 
 corallines and painted shells, and thousands of grotesque 
 beings, samples left to show that in the sea, through all 
 its spacious realms, life still is found — that creatures there 
 exist more numerously than on the earth itself, all perfect 
 in their construction, and, although so diversified in shape 
 and attributes, alike subservient to the general welfare. — 
 P?*ofessor R. Jones's Lectures. 
 
 The last words of Duncan Forbes of Culloden, to his 
 son : " There is but one thing I repent of in my whole 
 
258 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 life — not having taken better care of you. May the 
 great God of heaven and earth bless and protect you. I 
 trust in the blood of Christ. Be always religious ; fear 
 and love God. You may go. You can be of no service 
 to me here !" — Memoir. 
 
 Dr. James Hope said he saw more and more clearly 
 every day, the wisdom of not seeking to make friends with 
 the hope of making patients. There is a vulgar proverb, 
 which makes familiarity the parent of contempt, and in 
 the case of medical men this is strikingly verified. When 
 a man becomes known as an agreeable man in society, as 
 a musical performer, as an artist, as an adept in general 
 science — in fact, as anything but a professional man, he 
 loses his chance of securing a patient in almost the same 
 ratio as he gains popularity. Dr. Hope used often to 
 notice this, and he remarked not only that his friends 
 were the last to discover his professional merits ; but that 
 even when converted into patients, he had much less influ- 
 ence with them than with those whom he had first known 
 as patients, and who were afterwards changed into friends. 
 He used often to tell with much zest a story illustrative of 
 this opinion. A gentleman, and old friend of Mrs. Hope's 
 family, lived for several years within three doors of him, 
 but never dreamt of trusting his life into the hands of a 
 young man like Dr. Hope. This gentleman having been 
 taken dangerously ill at Glasgow, was recommended by 
 his medical adviser (Dr. Hannay, we believe) to come to 
 town, in order to consult Dr. Hope ! " What !" said the 
 old gentleman ; u you do not mean the man next door to 
 whom I have lived so many years !" He came, however, 
 and with great naivete related the story himself, laughing 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 259 
 
 heartily at the notion of having been obliged to travel to 
 Glasgow to discover the merits of his neighbour. — Memoir 
 of Dr. Hope, p. 68. 
 
 No enjoyment, however inconsiderable, is confined to 
 the present moment. A man is the happier for life from 
 having made once an agreeable tour, or lived for any 
 length of time with pleasant people, or enjoyed any con- 
 siderable interval of innocent pleasure. — Sidney Smith. 
 
 Letter from General Washington to La Fayette after 
 his retirement to Mount Vernon ; 
 
 " At length, my dear Marquis, I have become quite a 
 private citizen on the banks of the Potomac, and under the 
 shadow of my own vine, and my own fig-tree. Free from 
 the bustle of camp, and the busy scenes of public life, I 
 am solacing myself with these tranquil enjoyments, of 
 which the soldier, who is ever in pursuit of fame — the 
 statesman, whose watchful days and sleepless nights are 
 spent in devising schemes to promote the welfare of his 
 own, or the ruin of other countries, as if the globe were 
 insufficient for us all — and the courtier, who is always 
 watching the countenance of his prince, in hope of catch- 
 ing a gracious smile, can have very little conception. I 
 have not only retired from all public enjoyments, but am 
 retiring within myself, and shall be able to view the 
 solitary walk, and tread the paths of private life with 
 heartfelt satisfaction. Envious of none, I am determined 
 to be pleased with all, and move gently down the stream 
 of life, until I sleep with my fathers." — Washington's 
 Life, vol. v, p. 2. 
 
260 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Dr. Chambers, in speaking of Queen Charlotte's death, 
 uses these words, now as applicable to a living monarch 
 as to her whom he then lamented : " Vice was abased and 
 overawed in the presence of royalty ; and she who stood 
 loftiest in grandeur, stood also the foremost in moral 
 guardianship to shield the purity and matronize the 
 virtues of the British nation."— Memoir, vol. ii, p. 205. 
 
 That imagination hath produced real effects, many sad 
 and serious examples may be produced. I will only 
 insist on a merry one. A gentleman having led a com- 
 pany of children beyond their usual journey, they began 
 to weary, and jointly cried to him to carry them which, 
 because of their multitude, he could not do, but told 
 them he would provide them horses to ride on. Then 
 cutting little wands out of the hedge as nags for 
 them, and a great stake as a steed for himself, thus 
 m unted, fancy put mettle into their legs, and they came 
 cheerfully home. Fancy runs most furiously when a 
 guilty conscience drives it. One that owed much money 
 and had many creditors, as he walked London streets in 
 the evening, a tenter-hook caught his cloak : a At whose 
 suit V 3 said he, conceiving some bailiff had arrested him. 
 Thus guilty consciences are afraid when no fear is, and 
 count every creature they meet a serjeant sent out from 
 God to punish them. — Roger's Essays quoting Fuller, 
 p. 36. 
 
 Self-preservation seems to be an inherent principle in 
 animals ; a dread of pain and suffering, and a conscious- 
 ness of death, which consciousness must be of the highest 
 order in some animals, since they feign that death as the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 261 
 
 last remaining struggle for self-preservation, when all 
 other hopes have failed. An implanted knowledge of 
 the termination of life must exist, or its effects would not 
 be feigned, nor the anxiety for safety be so permanent an 
 object. It cannot be example that sets the fox to simu- 
 late death so perfectly that he permits himself to be 
 handled, to be conveyed to a distant spot, and then to be 
 flung on a dung-hill. The ultimate hope — escape — prompts 
 the measure, which unaided instinct could not have con- 
 trived. What we, humanly speaking, call knowledge of 
 the world, which is the main-spring of half our acts and 
 plans, is the result of deep observation of character, and 
 of the leading principles which influence society; and 
 this would apply very well with fox in relation to fox ; 
 but the analogy must cease here, and we can only say 
 that this artifice of the fox is an extraordinary display of 
 high cunning, great self-confidence, and strong resolution. 
 There are many insects, particularly the genus Elater, the 
 spider and the door-beetle, which feign death when seized 
 by the hand. — Thompson's Note-Book of a Naturalist, 
 p. 176. 
 
 Dr, Blair, in preaching against cruelty to animals, 
 says : 
 
 " We ought never to sport with pain and distress in 
 any of our amusements, or treat even the meanest insect 
 with wanton cruelty." 
 
 It is some years since an ingenious little tract, long 
 since extinct from the memory of most readers was pub- 
 lished under this title, " The Paradise of Animals," and 
 it might very appropriately have been dedicated to Mr. 
 Martin, M.P. The story described the ascent of a bal- 
 
262 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 loon, which rises with a degree of buoyant velocity 
 defying the power of man to control, until at length 
 the bewildered aeronaut within is driven upon an un- 
 known planet, where his equipage is greatly damaged, 
 and he hurriedly alights. On glancing around, he sees 
 a country of inexpressible beauty, but for some time this 
 Planetary Crusoe can discover no inhabitants. After 
 some hours of profound repose, however, he awakens to 
 find himself surrounded by a perfect Noah's Ark of 
 animals, by a crowd containing delegates from every 
 species that ever inhabited the earth, and all evidently 
 in a state of tumultuous agitation. This newly-discovered 
 planet is, in fact, " The Paradise of Animals," therefore 
 all the inhabitants are in consternation that their old 
 enemy, man, has intruded on the scene of their felicity. 
 A veto is instantly promulgated against him, and a 
 general resolution is formed that all the injuries inflicted 
 on animals during the last century by mankind, shall now 
 be revenged by putting the stranger to the cruellest death 
 that can be devised. 
 
 He is unanimously condemned, but it is resolved that 
 before consigning him to the torture, each animal shall 
 detail all the injuries that his race has suffered on earth 
 from mankind. The catalogue rapidly swells to a fearful 
 magnitude, as each indignant witness bears his over- 
 whelming testimony against man, while one tragical tale 
 after another causes the incensed and alarmed auditory 
 to be more impatient to secure their safety and to wreak 
 their vengeance. 
 
 The captive, in despair, now covers his face with his 
 hands, and the infuriated animals are about to tear him in 
 pieces, when suddenly his own ci-devant horse and dog 
 appear in his favour, testifying that the prisoner had 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. - 263 
 
 been a kind master to them, and proposing that he shall 
 be allowed to escape on condition of decamping imme- 
 diately, and never more on any pretext appearing there 
 again. Not a moment is lost. The unwelcome visitor is 
 thrust into the ragged remains of his balloon, promises 
 faithully never to return, and is banished with ignominy 
 from the presence of the whole animal species, whose only 
 idea of happiness consisted in the absence of mankind. 
 It might be a useful admonition for individuals sometimes 
 to consider what reception they would deserve in " the 
 Paradise of Animals." 
 
 The habitual relaxation of a Christian is not to be sought 
 in amusements that weary where they ought to refresh, 
 that ruffle the temper which they are intended to com- 
 pose, and disturb those better affections of the heart which 
 it is most important to cherish, but in the quiet charms 
 of friendship, in the indulgence of domestic tenderness, 
 in the pursuit of those elegancies of literature and the arts 
 which are not only harmless and unimpeachable, but 
 chasten and adorn the mind. — Archbishop Sumner. 
 
 There can be no sufficient excuse for any one neglecting 
 to attend regularly at church, but to men of great intel- 
 lect and vivid imagination the effort of listening to a 
 preacher of ordinary capacity must be very tedious. 
 Those in a congregation who have sluggish minds and 
 moderate understandings can little conceive the agony of 
 weariness with which a first-class mind, such as Wilber- 
 force or Canning, would chain its attention to the 
 common-place truisms flowing from an intellect of very 
 
264 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 inferior capacity. Common minds easily meet with their 
 match, and complacently sit to hear the common remarks 
 which fit their understandings, while the brilliant intel- 
 lect of a Burke or a Chatham would have been starving 
 for want of nourishment in the midst of apparent plenty. 
 After long experience of listening to the tedious speaking 
 in a Court of Law, Lord Jeffrey at last said : u I find that, 
 on the whole, my least wearisome plan really is — to 
 listen !" 
 
 He had the greatest elevation of soul, the largest com- 
 pass of knowledge, the most mortified and heavenly dis- 
 position, that I ever yet saw in mortal. He had the 
 greatest parts as well as virtue, with the most perfect 
 humility, that I ever saw in man; and had a sublime 
 strain in preaching, with as grave a gesture, and such a 
 majesty, both of thought, of language, and pronunciation, 
 that I never once saw a wandering eye where he preached, 
 and I have seen whole assemblies often melt in tears 
 before him ; and of whom I can say, with great truth, 
 that in a free and frequent conversation with him for 
 above two and twenty years, I never saw him say an idle 
 word, or a word that had not a direct tendency to edifica- 
 tion j and I never once saw him in any other temper but 
 that I wished to be in in the last moment of my life. — 
 Character of Archbishop Leighton, by Bishop Burnet. 
 
 Fuller says, in illustrating the necessity of a good 
 example : " A father that whipped his son for swearing, 
 and swore himself while he whipped him, did more harm 
 by his example than good by his correction." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 265 
 
 An author well qualified to judge, from his own expe- 
 rience, of whatever conduces to invigorate or to embellish 
 the understanding, has beautifully remarked, that " by 
 turning the soul inward on itself, its forces are concentred, 
 and are fitted for stronger and bolder flights of science ; 
 and that, in such pursuits, whether we gain, or whether 
 we lose the game, the chase is certainly of service. 
 In this respect, the philosophy of the mind may claim 
 a distinguished rank among those preparatory disciplines, 
 which another writer of equal talents has happily com- 
 pared to "the crops which are raised, not for the value of 
 the harvest, but to be ploughed in as a dressing to the 
 land." — Duffald Stewart's Life of Dr. Reid, p. 186. 
 
 The Russian Admiral, Priestman, visited How T ard, the 
 philanthropist, a short time before his death, and found 
 him sitting at a small stove in his bed-room — the winter 
 was excessively severe — and very weak and low. The 
 Admiral thought him merely labouring under a temporary 
 depression of spirits, and by lively, rattling conversation, 
 endeavoured to rouse him from his torpidity. But 
 Howard felt fully conscious that dea!h was nigh. He 
 knew now that he was not to die in Egypt ; and in spite 
 of his friend's cheerfulness, his mind still reverted to the 
 solemn thought of his approaching end. Priestman told 
 him not to give way to such gloomy fancies, and they 
 would soon leave him. 
 
 " Priestman," said Howard, in his mild and serious 
 voice, "you style this a dull conversation, and endeavour 
 to divert my mind from dwelling on the thought of 
 death ; but I entertain very different sentiments. Death 
 
 N 
 
266 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 has no terrors for me ; it is an event I always look to with 
 cheerfulness, if not with pleasure; and be assured, the 
 subject is more grateful to me than any other. — ' 
 Dixon's Life of Howard, p. 398. 
 
 Lord Bacon says, that adversity is the promise of the 
 New Testament, and prosperity is that of the Old. 
 
 Scoff not at the natural defects of any which are not in 
 their power to amend. Oh, it is cruel to beat a cripple 
 with his own crutches. — Fuller. 
 
 A profound conviction of God's moral purposes to 
 men, of His design to exalt the soul infinitely, must 
 kindle a purpose in us vast and enduring as His 
 own, give us faith in the possibility of redeeming man- 
 kind, give us a respect for every individual, make us 
 feel our unity with all. God must be regarded as en- 
 joining this unlimited love, as calling us to universal 
 brotherhood, and forbidding all that separates us from 
 our kind. Man is to be loved as God's child, as God's 
 temple, as the being in whom God reveals himself, and 
 presents himself to us for our love. A confidence in the 
 Divine benignity is to show itself in our unfaltering 
 efforts to lift up the race, to awaken all that is generous 
 and noble in the soul, to remove obstructions to human 
 elevation, to breathe into all men a consciousness of their 
 greatness, and a reverence for their fellows. We are 
 to be animated with this new life of love — of love 
 for man as man — a love which embraces all, of every 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 267 
 
 rank and character — which forgets divisions and outward 
 distinctions — breaks down the old partition walls — 
 longs to elevate all conditions of men to true dignity, 
 to use wealth only as a means of extensive union, 
 not of separation — which substitutes generous motives 
 for force — which sees nothing degrading in labour ; 
 but honours all useful occupation — which everywhere 
 is conscious of the just claims and rights of all, resist- 
 ing the idolatry of the few, calling upon the mighty 
 to save, not crush, the weak, from reverence for our 
 common nature — and which in a word recognized the 
 infinite worth of every human spirit. This is the true 
 spirit for the minister, a love like that of Jesus on the 
 cross, which sacrifices all to the well-being of man, and 
 the glory and infinite designs of God. — Charming, vol. ii, 
 p. 23. 
 
 Morales the painter was so devoted to his art, that he 
 neglected his worldly fortunes. " You are very old, 
 Morales/' said Philip to him m 1581. " And very poor, 
 too/' was the reply. Thereupon the King granted him a 
 pension of two hundred ducats " for his dinner/' which 
 on the veteran's rejoinder, " And for my supper, Sire ?" 
 was increased to three hundred. 
 
 There was a swell on the ocean during that day when 
 Lord Collingwood breathed his last upon the element which 
 had been the scene of his glory. Captain Thomas 
 expressed a fear that he was disturbed by the tossing of 
 the ship. " No, Thomas !" he replied, " I am now in a 
 state in which nothing in this world can disturb me more. 
 
 n 2 
 
268 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 I am (tying ; and I am sure it must be consolatory to you, 
 and all who love me, to see how comfortably I am coming 
 to my end." 
 
 Of the innumerable paths which terminate in the 
 common goal, some are easier to tread than others, and it 
 might be expected from the diversities of temperament, 
 that there would be a difference of opinion about which 
 was best. Caesar desired the death which was most sudden 
 and unexpected. His words were spoken at supper, and 
 the following morning the Senate-house witnessed the 
 fulfilment of the wish. Pliny also considered an instan- 
 taneous death the highest felicity of life, and Augustus 
 held a somewhat similar opinion. When he heard that 
 any person had died quickly and easily, he invoked the 
 like good fortune for himself and his friends. Montaigne 
 was altogether of Caesar's party, and to use his own 
 metaphor, thought that the pill was swallowed best with- 
 out chewing. If Sir Thomas Browne had been of Caesar's 
 religion, he would have shared his desires, and preferred 
 going off at a single blow to being grated to pieces with a 
 torturing disease. But Christianity in enlarging our 
 hopes has added to our fears. He felt that the mode of 
 dying was comparatively an insignificant consideration, 
 and however much he inclined by nature to Caesar's 
 choice, and studied to be ready for the hastiest summons, 
 a sense of infirmity taught him the wisdom of that 
 petition in the Litany, by which we ask to be delivered 
 from sudden death. With the majority, flesh and blood 
 speak the same language; they had rather that the 
 candle should burn to the socket, than the flame be blown 
 out. — Quarterly Review. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 269 
 
 From President Jefferson's Letters : 
 
 I had rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with 
 my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on 
 simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, 
 than to occupy the most splendid post which any human 
 power can give. You know the circumstances which led 
 me from retirement, step by step, and from one nomina- 
 tion to another, up to the present. My object is a 
 return to the same retirement. 
 
 Within a few days I retire to my family, my books, and 
 my farms, and having gained the harbour myself, I shall 
 look on my friends still buffetting the storm, with anxiety 
 indeed, but not with envy. Never did a prisoner, released 
 from his chains, feel such relief as I shall, on shaking off 
 the shackles of power. In the bosom of my family, and 
 surrounded by my books, I enjoy a repose to which I have 
 long been a stranger, and feel at length the blessing of 
 being free to say and do what I please, without being 
 responsible for it to any mortal. 
 
 Lord Tyrawley made it his last request to be buried 
 beside the old soldiers at Chelsea Hospital, saying, " as I 
 have bravely lived with them in the field, I wish after 
 death that my remains may be deposited with theirs." 
 
 An Advertisement in 1739 : 
 
 * Dr. Stebbing and Mr. Whitfield." Price Eighteen- 
 pence. 
 
 " The author of this piece assures the public, 'tis the 
 very best pamphlet written on the subject." 
 
270 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Abercorn, a German painter, in 1773, who failed in 
 England, having found means to set up his trade at 
 Altona, began his first enterprise by publishing a newspaper 
 upon the English plan, and having republished a plain 
 relation of the Copenhagen revolution, as he found it in the 
 English prints, the very next day he was served with a 
 warrant, his whole property seized, and himself thrown 
 into prison, with no hope of ever coming out, except to 
 be punished for high treason. 
 
 Madame de Berri, daughter of the Regent, Philip Duke 
 of Orleans, when living in open profligacy, was seized with 
 sudden illness, and wished for the last rites of the Church. 
 Having indignantly refused, however, to relinquish her 
 profligate associates, the Cure of Saint Sulplice declined 
 administering the sacrament. An appeal was made to 
 the Cardinal of Noailles, who approved the conduct of the 
 Cure, and ordered him not to leave the chamber-door of 
 the Princess, lest some more complaisant priest should 
 administer to her privately. The Cure obeyed, and when- 
 ever he was compelled to abandon his post, he caused 
 another clergyman to replace him. When Madame de 
 Berri was pronounced out of danger, he retired ; but not 
 till then. 
 
 During a subsequent illness, she long refused to believe 
 in her approaching end, which she hastened by her intem- 
 perance; but on becoming couvinced of her danger, she 
 resolved to pass from this world to the next with the pomp 
 and solemnity suited to her rank. Laying on a bed of state, 
 and surrounded by the hushed and attentive members of 
 her household, the dying Princess, after bidding them all 
 a last farewell, received the rites of the Church in their 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 271 
 
 presence. When the ceremony was over, she proudly 
 asked one of her attendants : " Is not this dying with 
 courage and greatness \" — Woman in France. 
 
 Lord Chesterfield in the decrepitude of his old age, was 
 unable to support the rapid motion of a carriage; and 
 when about to take an airing, said, in allusion to the 
 foot's pace at which he crept along : " I am now going to 
 the rehearsal of my funeral !" 
 
 Alphonso, King of Aragon, in his judgment of human 
 life, declared that there were only four things in this 
 world worth living for : " Old wine to drink, old wood to 
 burn, old books to read, and old friends to converse 
 with." 
 
 Fontenelle mentioning the long illness of Malebranche, 
 says of him : " He was a calm spectator of his own 
 death !" 
 
 Henry VII., according to Bacon : " Though he never 
 knew what disaster was, felt always sad and serious, full 
 of secret suspicions and apprehensions." 
 
 " Louis XL," says Commines, u endured continual 
 misery, 'few days of joy, and years of bitterness/ His 
 
272 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 only relaxation that he carried to weariness, was the chase, 
 and he died the death of a wild beast in his lair, of which 
 the inaccessibility marked his fears, the gibbets his cruelty. 
 Unrestrained by religion during life, he clung to the 
 quackery of superstition at his death." 
 
 In a debate, when Mr. Pitt defended himself for " the 
 atrocious crime of being young," old Horace Walpole 
 complained of the self-sufficiency of the young men, on 
 which Pitt began his reply in these words : " With the 
 greatest reverence for the grey hairs of the honourable 
 gentleman." Old Walpole instantly pulled off his wig, 
 and showed his head covered with grey hairs, which occa- 
 sioned a general laughter, in which Pitt joined. Wilkes, 
 in his letter to the Duke of Grafton, calls Mr. Pitt, " the 
 first orator of, or rather, the first comedian of his age." 
 
 Hogarth having a presentiment that his hand was about 
 to lose its cunning, chose a subject emblematical of the 
 coming event. His friends inquired the nature of his 
 next design, and Hogarth replied : 
 
 " The end of all things !" 
 
 <c In that case," rejoined one of the number, " there will 
 be an end of the painter !" 
 
 What was uttered in jest, he answered in earnest, with 
 a solemn look and a heavy sigh. 
 
 " There will," he said ; " and therefore the sooner my 
 work is done the better." 
 
 He commenced next day, laboured upon it with un- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 2 73 
 
 remitting diligence, and when he frad given it the last 
 touch, seized his palette, broke it in pieces, and said, 
 " I have finished \» 
 
 The print was published in March, under the title of 
 " Finis ;" and in October, " the curious eyes which saw 
 the manners in the face" were closed in dust. 
 
 « 
 
 ' If I had strength enough to hold a pen," said Wil- 
 liam Hunter, " I would write how easy and delightful it 
 is to die." 
 
 I have read books enough, and observed and conversed 
 with enough of eminent and splendidly-cultivated minds, 
 too, in my time ; but I assure you I have heard higher 
 sentiments from the lips of poor, uneducated men and 
 women, when exerting the spirit of severe, yet gentle 
 heroism under difficulties and afflictions, or speaking their 
 simple thoughts as to circumstances in the lot of friends 
 and neighbours, than I ever yet met with except m the 
 pages of the Bible. — Sir Walter Scott. 
 
 Men become monks and women nuns, sometimes from 
 vulgar motives, such as fashion, the desire of mutual 
 support, the want of a maintenance, inaptitude for more 
 active duties, satiety of the pleasures of life, or disgust at 
 its disappointments, parental authority, family conve- 
 nience, or the like ; sometimes from superstitious fancies, 
 such as the supposed sanctity of certain relics, or the 
 expiatory value of some particular ceremonial ; sometimes 
 from nobler impulses, such as the conviction that such 
 
 n3 
 
274 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 solitude is essential to the purity of the soul of the recluse, 
 or to the usefulness of his life ; but always, in some 
 degree, from other causes of still deeper root and far 
 wider expansion. Such are the servile spirit, which 
 desires to abdicate the burden of free will and the respon- 
 sibility of free agency — and the feeble spirit, which can 
 stand erect and make progress only when sustained by 
 the pressure and the impulse of a crowd — and the waver- 
 ing spirit, which takes refuge from the pains of doubt in 
 the contagion of monastic unanimity. — Sir J. Stephen. 
 
 Perhaps, after all, the pleasure derived from a garden 
 has some relative association with its evanescent nature 
 and produce. We view with more delight a wreath of 
 short-lived roses, than a crown of amaranth of everlasting 
 flowers. However this may be, it is certain that the good 
 and wise of all ages have enjoyed their purest and most 
 innocent pleasures in a garden, from the beginning of 
 time. — Bepton on Landscape Gardening, p. 147. 
 
 You may rise early, go to bed late, study hard, read 
 much, and devour the marrow of the best authors, and 
 when you have done all, be as meagre in regard of true 
 and useful knowledge as Pharaoh's lean kine after they 
 had eaten the fat ones. — Bishop Sanderson. 
 
 If we do no more than take a superficial view of the 
 Bible, and just snatch a few fragments of truth from it, 
 even this is better than its utter neglect. 
 
 But this is not the way to gather from the Sacred 
 Word those treasures of knowledge which it will yield. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 275 
 
 We must not read it, but study it : we must not cast a 
 hasty glance upon it, but meditate upon it deeply with 
 fixed attention, with full purpose of heart, with all the 
 energy of our minds, if w r e desire to become masters of 
 the treasures of revelation • and I am sure that Scripture, 
 thus diligently studied, read, marked, learned, and in- 
 wardly digested, and read, too, with prayer for the in- 
 fluence of the Holy Spirit, will furnish us with new light, 
 open to us new views, and w 7 ill appear to us in itself in a 
 new character, adorned with a variety of beauties, with 
 an emphasis of expression, with a power, and a vigour, 
 and an appropriateness to our own needs, with a harvest 
 of divine instruction and cogent truth never yielded to its 
 careless cultivation. I have known men, and men of 
 good understanding, who have been induced to read the 
 Bible, and who have protested that they could make 
 nothing of it, that they could not comprehend it; no 
 wonder : it is a sealed book to those who neither ask nor 
 receive the Holy Spirit. 
 
 An astronomer looks at the face of the heavens through 
 a telescope, spangled wdth stars and planets, and sees an 
 harmony, an order, a profuse display of power and wis- 
 dom. An ordinary man surveys the same sky with a 
 naked eye, and observes nothing of all this ; he has not 
 the instrument ; he wants the telescope which would 
 reveal the wonders of the heavens to him. And so it is 
 in reading the Bible : if a man looks at it with naked, 
 unassisted reason, he sees little and learns nothing; he 
 wants the instrument, the Holy Spirit, to guide his 
 inquiries, to enlighten his understanding, to teach his 
 heart. 
 
 But if some read the Bible and learn nothing, others 
 read it and learn but little. They begin without prayer, 
 
276 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 and they end without meditation. They read, but they 
 do not inwardly digest ; while others embrace its truths, 
 seize and secure its treasures, and, to use the figure of 
 Scripture, receive the engrafted word which is able to 
 save their souls. — Sir T. Fowell Buxton's Life, p. 146. 
 
 Gross jealousy is distrust of the person loved. Delicate 
 jealousy is distrust of one's self. 
 
 Surely, the misery that usually attends the close of 
 life, affords one of the strongest proofs of a future state 
 of existence. For how is it possible to suppose that the 
 same Supreme Being, who has distributed such various and 
 extensive happiness to his creatures, would finally con- 
 clude the whole with pain or distress ? This view of the 
 subject is the onlv one that can afford us any real conso- 
 lation, either for the sufferings of our friends, or for those 
 which we must experience ourselves. After a life evi- 
 dently intended to exercise our virtues, and improve 
 our moral powers, death may be considered as the last 
 great trial of our fortitude ; the display of which, as it 
 exhibits a complete triumph over the weakness of human 
 nature, seems the best calculated to terminate our labours 
 in this world, and accompany us on our entrance into 
 the next. In the meantime, we who survive are like 
 soldiers in an army, who, as their ranks are thinned by 
 the enemy, draw nearer to each other. — Roscoe. 
 
 When John Newton was in great grief, he wrote : 
 "I feel some severe symptoms of that mixture of 
 pride and madness, commonly called a broken-heart " 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 277 
 
 Newton also says : 
 
 " I see in this world two heaps of human happiness 
 and misery : now, if I can take the smallest bit from one 
 heap, and add to the other, I carry a point." 
 
 "What shall I do," said Cowley, "to be for ever 
 known ?" 
 
 Sir Joshua Reynolds, when young, wrote rules of con- 
 duct for himself : one of his maxims was, " that the great 
 principle of being happy in this world is, not to mind 
 small things." To this rule he strictly adhered ; and the 
 constant habit of controlling his mind contributed greatly 
 to that evenness of temper which enabled him to live 
 pleasantly with persons of all descriptions. Placability 
 of temper may be said to have been his characteristic. 
 The happiness of possessing such a disposition was 
 acknowledged by his friend Dr. Johnson, who said, 
 "Reynolds is the most invulnerable man I ever knew." 
 
 Dean Lockier, one of the liveliest men of his age in 
 England, and about the pleasantest in society, said, when 
 in no ill-humour : 
 
 "The best of society is but just tolerable; 'tis the most 
 we can make of it." 
 
 Oliver CromwelFs grace before dinner : 
 
 Some have meat, but cannot eat, 
 And some can eat, but have not meat, 
 And so— the Lord be praised. 
 
278 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 George Louis Le Sage, the mathematician, who had an 
 
 intense desire for accurate information, measured, with 
 
 great care, the increase of a plant, day after day, in order 
 
 to discover whether it would cease growing on Sunday. 
 
 * — Vie de G. L. Le Sage. 
 
 Letter from Sir Robert Murray Keith, dated Vienna : 
 "You are persuaded, no doubt, that in every great 
 capital a man may, by taking some pains, find out a few 
 companions of his own stamp and cast. An arrant 
 mistake, my good Lord, and one which I have expe- 
 rienced to my cost. This city is in many respects the 
 first in Europe. We have thousands of nobility; 
 universities, and academies in abundance ; lawyers without 
 end; and clergymen of all colours. I have sought in 
 vain for mv fellows in all these societies : and what will 
 surprise you more is this, that if, in the course of the last 
 nine months, there has been handled with ability or 
 pleasantry in either of them, any one subject of instruc- 
 tion, moral, civil, or political, it certainly has not been 
 within ear-shot of your friend the Plenipo ! All this is 
 nothing ; but if in the same space of time he had been 
 witness to one joyous meeting, to one hearty laugh per- 
 formed by man, woman, or child, he would have taken 
 his share of that gaiety in lieu of the information he 
 thirsts after, and have thought himself a gainer by the 
 bargain. The ephemeral fly which is born in the morning 
 to die at night, might support the conversation of one 
 half of our most brilliant circles. The play, the dance, 
 your horse, my coach, a pretty embroidery, or a well- 
 fancied lining, these are the favourite topics, upon 
 every one of which I am a numskull of the first water. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 279 
 
 I never play at cards ; ergo, I am not only a stupid 
 fellow, but a useless one/' 
 
 " Cards, cards, cards ! You must know that I never 
 touch them, in jest or in earnest." 
 
 " Monsieur, joue-t-il ?" 
 
 « Non ?* 
 
 " Comment, Monsieur, ne joue pas a aucun jeu P 
 
 " Non !" 
 
 " Mais cela est inoui," Et puis on laisse, Monsieur, 
 pour jamais." 
 
 u I lost thirty bowing acquaintances, male and female, 
 in the first six weeks by the above laconic answers to two 
 simple questions ; and yet I am incorrigible, for cards and 
 I are incompatible. I never tire, that's one thing. I can 
 look pleasant for a week together — and feel comfortable, 
 and laugh cheerfully when it comes to my turn, and all 
 without cards ; ergo, why should I play ?" 
 
 " I need not remark to you that a solid and well- 
 founded education, is, after health, the first of all blessings 
 in every station ; but I am fully of opinion that a man 
 whose fortune is already made, stands more in need of a 
 fund of knowledge and self-occupation, than one of any 
 other class whatever." 
 
 u I don't know how it is, my dear friend, but the 
 same old story which you and I talked over in a post- 
 chaise, about " a thousand pounds a-year, a wife, and a 
 farm," is continually toiling through my brain, and I 
 cannot for the soul of me help thinking that in something 
 of that kind consists the summum bonum" 
 
 " I myself am certainly one of the happiest of mortals, 
 and I thank God I feel it. But if I were to be asked 
 
280 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 which is my surest fence against the frowns of fortune^ 
 or the miseries of ennui, which so often follow her smiles, 
 I should answer without hesitation, ' My love of books/ " 
 
 Every man carries his own destiny in his grasp. Why 
 should not man possess the capacity with which the 
 meanest worm is endowed, that of either boring the hard- 
 grained wood, or dying at the task. — Guerrazzi. 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh says : " Henry VIII. perhaps 
 approached as nearly to the ideal standard of perfect 
 wickedness, as the infirmities of human nature would 
 allow/* 
 
 There is no action of man in this life, which is not the 
 beginning of so long a chain of consequences, as that no 
 human providence is high enough to give us a prospect to 
 the end. — Thomas of Malmesbury. 
 
 Goethe, the world's favourite, if one may so speak, 
 confessed when about eighty years old, that he could not 
 remember being in a really happy state of mind, even for a 
 few weeks together; and that when he wished to feel 
 comfortable, he had to veil his self-consciousness. — Bonar. 
 
 Archbishop Laud having once demanded of a lady, who 
 had lately become a proselyte to Popery, the reason of 
 the change, he received for answer, that "she hated a 
 crowd !" Upon being further pressed to explain so dark 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 281 
 
 a saying, she said, "Your Lordship and many others are 
 making for Rome as fast as you can, and therefore, to 
 prevent a press I went before you." — Roger's Essays. 
 
 Tombs are the clothes of the dead. A grave is but a 
 plain suit, and a rich monument is one embroidered. 
 
 Tombs ought, in some sorts, to be proportioned, not to 
 the wealth, but deserts of the party interred. Yet, may 
 we see some rich man of mean worth, loaden under a tomb 
 big enough for a Prince to bear. There were officers 
 appointed in the Grecian games, who always, by public 
 authority, did pluck down the statues erected to the 
 victors, if they exceeded the true symmetry and proportion 
 of their bodies. 
 
 The shortest, plainest, and truest epitaphs are' the 
 best. Mr. Camden, in his " Remains," presents us with 
 examples of great men who had little epitaphs. And when 
 once I asked a witty gentleman what epitaph was fitted 
 to be written on Mr. Camden's tomb, " Let it be," said 
 he, Cl Camden's Remains." I say also, " the plainest," 
 for except the sense lie above ground, few will trouble 
 themselves to dig for it. Lastly, it must be " true," not, 
 as in some monuments, where the red veins in the 
 marble may seem to blush at the falsehoods written on 
 it. He was a witty man that first taught a stone to 
 speak, but he was a wicked man that taught it first to 
 lie. — Roger's Essays quoting Fuller p. 33. 
 
 Madame de Ville Savia, having died at the age of 
 ninety-three, Madame Carmel, who was only six years 
 
282 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 younger, observed, " Alas ! she was the only one left 
 between me and death." 
 
 In the last hours of Sir Walter Scott, his biographer 
 says, he desired to be wheeled through his rooms. And 
 we moved him leisurely, for an hour or more, up and 
 down the hall and the great library. 
 
 " I have bs?en much," he kept saying, a but nothing- 
 like my ain house. Give me one turn more." . . . 
 
 He expressed a wish that I should read to him ; and 
 when I asked from what book, he said : 
 
 " Need you ask ? There is but one," 
 
 I chose the fourteenth chapter of St. John's Gospel. 
 
 His last injunction to his son-in-law were in these 
 words : 
 
 " I may have but a minute to speak to you. My dear, 
 be a good man : be virtuous, be religious, be a good man. 
 Nothing else w 7 ill give you comfort when you come to lie 
 here." — Memoir. 
 
 When Baxter w T as seventy years old, Judge Jeffries was 
 with difficulty prevented by the other judges from having 
 him w r hipped through the city ; but he condemned him 
 to prison, where he remained for nearly two years, hope- 
 less of any other abode on earth ; but the hope of a man- 
 sion of eternal peace and love, raised him beyond the 
 reach of human tyranny. Happy in the review of a well- 
 spent life, and still happier in the prospect of its early 
 close, his spirit enjoyed a calm, for which his enemies 
 might have joyfully resigned their mitres and their 
 thrones. When the improved policy of the Court re- 
 stored him, for a while, to bodily freedom, " He talked," 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS, 283 
 
 says the younger Calamy, " about another world, like one 
 that had been there, and was come as an express from 
 thence to make a report concerning it" But age, sick- 
 ness, and persecution, had done their work, so that his 
 material frame gave way. 
 
 With manly truth, he rejected as affectation the wish 
 for death to which some pretend. He assumed no stoical 
 indifference to pain, and indulged in no unhallowed fami- 
 liarity on those awful subjects which occupy the thoughts 
 of him whose eye is closing on sublunary things, and is 
 directed to an instant eternity. In profound lowliness, 
 with a settled reliance on the Divine mercy ; repeating, at 
 frequent intervals, the prayer of the Redeemer, on whom 
 his hopes reposed, and breathing out benedictions on 
 those who encircled his dying bed, he passed away from 
 a life of almost unequalled toil and suffering, to a new 
 condition of existence, where he doubted not to enjoy that 
 perfect conformity of the human to the Divine Will, to 
 which, during his long and painful pilgrimage, it had 
 been his ceaseless labour to attain. He left one hundred 
 and sixty-eight printed volumes, many of which "have 
 ceased to belong to men, and have become the property of 
 moths. " — Sir James Stephen, K.C.B. 
 
 I do not at all doubt the truth of what you say, when 
 you complain of that crowd of trifling thoughts that 
 pesters you without ceasing ; but then you always have a 
 serious thought standing at the door of your imagina- 
 tion, like a justice of peace with the Riot Act in his 
 hand, ready to read it, and disperse the mob. Here is 
 the difference between you and me. My thoughts are 
 clad in a sober livery, for the most part as grave as that 
 
284 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 of a Bishop's servants. They turn, too, upon spiritual 
 subjects ; but the tallest fellow, and the loudest among 
 them all, is he who is continually crying with a loud 
 voice, Actum est de te periisti. You wish for more 
 attention ; I for less. Dissipation itself would be wel- 
 come to me, so it were not a vicious one ; but, however 
 earnestly invited, it is coy, and keeps at a distance. 
 Yet, with all this distressing gloom upon my mind, I 
 experience, as you do, the slipperiness of the present 
 hour, and the rapidity with which time escapes me. 
 Everything around us, and everything that befals us, 
 constitutes a variety, which, whether agreeable or other- 
 wise, has still a thievish propensity, and steals from us 
 days, months, and years, with such unparalleled address, 
 that even while we say they are here, they are gone. 
 From infancy to manhood is rather a tedious period, 
 chiefly, I suppose, because at that time we act under the 
 control of others, and are not suffered to have a will of 
 our own. But thence downward into the vale of years is 
 such a declivity, that we have just an opportunity to 
 reflect upon the steepness of it, and then find ourselves at 
 the bottom. — Cowper. 
 
 Christians know it to be the ordained will of God, that 
 no living mortal shall enjoy perfect happiness, even for a 
 single day. If we saw any one individual escape sorrow and 
 suffering, we might begin to question whether it may not 
 be as accidental as it often seems, that each person in 
 existence has to bewail loss of friends, loss of fortune, 
 loss of health, loss of fame, or of credit, for which he 
 perhaps blames himself, or some other individual; but 
 when we see that the endurance of grief or mortification 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 285 
 
 in the heart is as invariable as that every one has a nose 
 on his face, we become convinced that it is so arranged 
 by an intelligent God. 
 
 Beware of that pride which makes a parade of being 
 humble, and avoid all occasions of showing thyself before 
 men ; feel thyself as nothing, and then wilt thou act as 
 if self were quite put aside ; speak not of thy sins ; do 
 not distinguish thyself by any unusual plainness of dress 
 or of manner, but seek to behave in that way which will 
 attract the least notice from others ; the test of thy sin- 
 cerity will be the feelings with which thou bravest, not 
 the taunts or the scorn of others, but the neglect- — the 
 being entirely passed over by persons of whom thou 
 thinkest with respect. — Short Meditations, edited by Dr. 
 Hook, vol. iv, p. 26. 
 
 If the Christian minister asks himself what will please 
 his hearers, rather than what will benefit them, he dese- 
 crates his calling. Is he whose very work is to reform 
 society to take society as his rule ? The Christian 
 minister is not sent to preach cold abstractions, to talk 
 of virtue and vice in general terms, to wxave moral essays 
 for his hearers to admire and to sleep on ; but he is sent 
 to quicken men's consciences, and to show them to them- 
 selves as they are. On all subjects where his convictions 
 are in conflict with prevailing usages, he is bound to 
 speak frankly but calmly. Not that he is to deal in 
 vague and passionate denunciation, to be a common scold, 
 a meddlesome fault-finder. But if he thinks the manu- 
 facture and sale of ardent spirits a sin against society, he 
 
286 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 is to say so ; if lie believes that the sending of rum and 
 opium to savage nations, to spread among them the worst 
 evils of civilization, is a wanton crime, he is to declare his 
 opinion ; if he considers the maxims of the business-world 
 hostile to integrity and benevolence, he is to expose their 
 falseness. — Channing, vol. ii, p. 19. 
 
 Father Bridaine, a French itinerant preacher of the 
 last century, who in a mixture of eccentricity and fervid 
 eloquence combined the two most powerful agencies by 
 which a vulgar auditory are attracted and moved, once 
 wound up a discourse by the announcement that he would 
 attend each of his hearers to his home, and putting him- 
 self at their head, conducted them to the house appointed 
 for all living — a neighbouring churchyard. 
 
 The dying often dream of their habitual occupations, 
 and construct an imaginary present from the past. Dr. 
 Armstrong departed delivering medical precepts ; Napo- 
 leon fought some battle over again, and the last words he 
 muttered were " tete d'armee ;" Lord Tenterden, who 
 passed straight from the judgment-seat to his death-bed, 
 fancied himself still presiding at a trial, and expired say- 
 ing : " Gentlemen of the jury, you will now consider of 
 your verdict p Dr. Adam, the author of the " Roman 
 Antiquities," imagined himself in school, distributing 
 praise and censure among his pupils : "■ But it grows 
 dark," he said ; " the boys may dismiss," and instantly 
 died. " My friends," said Fontenelle, a short time before 
 he died, " I have no pain, only a little difficulty in keep- 
 ing up life." — Quarterly Review. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 287 
 
 Thousands bewail a hero, and a nation mourneth for its king, 
 Bat the whole universe Jamenteth the loss of a man of prayer. 
 Verily, were it not for One, who sitteth on His rightful throne, 
 Crowned with a rainbow of emerald, the green memorial of earth ; 
 For One, a meditating Man, that hath clad His Godhead with 
 
 mortality, 
 And offereth prayer without ceasing, the royal Priest of nature, 
 Matter, arid life and mind had sunk into dark annihilation, 
 And the lightning frown of justice withered the world into nothing. 
 
 Tapper's Proverbial Philosophy. 
 
 We do not steady a ship by fixing the anchor on aught 
 that is within the vessel; the anchorage must be without 
 the vessel : and so of the soul, when resting, not on what 
 it sees in itself, but on what it sees in the character of 
 God — the certainty of His truth, the impossibility of His 
 falsehood. Thus may I cast the anchor of my hope on 
 the foundation which God himself hath laid in Zion, 
 laying hold and taking refuge, not in the hope that I 
 find to be in me, but in the hope that is set before me. 
 I know that there is a legitimate hope, too, in the con- 
 sciousness of a work of grace within me ; but the primary 
 hope, the beginning of our confidence, is of altogether an 
 objective character, and respects God in Christ reconciling 
 the world, and not imputing unto them their trespasses. 
 Simplify and strengthen this confidence, and make it 
 every day more sure and steadfast, my God ! — 
 Chalmers. 
 
 We want short, sound, and judicious notes upon 
 Scripture, without running into common-places, pursuing 
 
288 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 controversies, or reducing these notes to an artificial 
 method, but leaving them quite loose and native. For, 
 certainly, as those wines which flow from the first treading 
 of the grape are sweeter and better than those forced out 
 by the press, which gives them the roughness of the bark 
 and the stone, so are those doctrines best and sweetest 
 which flow from a gentle crush of the Scriptures, and are 
 not wrung out into controversies and common-places. — 
 Bacon. 
 
 Oh ! that this ceaseless current of years and of seasons 
 were teaching us wisdom — that we were numbering our 
 days — that we were measuring our future by our past — 
 that we were looking back on the twinkling rapidity of 
 the months and the weeks which are already gone — and 
 so improving the futurity that lies before us, that when 
 death shall lay us in our graves, we may, on the morning 
 of the resurrection, emerge into a scene of bliss too rap- 
 turous for conception, and too magnificent for the at- 
 tempts of the loftiest eloquence. — Memoirs of Dr. 
 Chalmers, vol. ii, p. 41. 
 
 When one of Lady Jane Grey's attendants begged at 
 her execution that she would bequeath some memorial to 
 her, she gave her this last advice, " Live to die." 
 
 He that remembers not to keep the Christian Sabbath 
 at the beginning of the week, will be in danger to forget 
 before the end of the week that he is a Christian. — Sir 
 Edmund Turner. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. . 289 
 
 A Sunday well spent 
 
 Brings a week of content 
 And health for the toils of the morrow ; 
 
 But a Sabbath profan'd 
 
 Whatsoe'er may be gain'd, 
 Is a certain forerunner of sorrow. — Sir Matthew Hale, 
 
 When Pelham was Prime Minister, and some one 
 recommended an exertion of privilege to restrain the 
 newspapers from publishing the debates of the House of 
 Commons, he replied : 
 
 " Let them alone ; they make better speeches for us 
 than we can for ourselves." 
 
 Curran being angry in a debate one day, put his hand 
 
 on his heart, saying : 
 
 " I am the trusty guardian of my own honour." 
 
 " Then," replied Sir Boyle Roach, " I congratulate my 
 
 honourable friend on the snug sinecure to which he has 
 
 appointed himself." 
 
 When the Court of France went into deep mourning, 
 it was thought necessary at one time to leave off card- 
 playing, but M. de Maurepas restored the amusement, 
 and produced the greatest relief by saying : 
 
 "Piquet is mourning." 
 
 Piquet was accordingly played night after night with all 
 due gravity. 
 
 When a Member of Parliament, who had recently 
 changed his politics, said to Canning, " I am come from 
 
 o 
 
290 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Naples to support you/' the reply of that great statesman 
 was: 
 
 "From Naples! much farther! — you are come from 
 the other side of the House." 
 
 Bonaparte, when in Egypt, hearing from General 
 Desaix many affecting anecdotes of the unfortunate 
 Louis XVI. suddenly exclaimed : 
 
 " Oh ! that he had had me near him." 
 
 When the great Montrose was to be executed, that no 
 form of insult might be wanting, it was resolved to 
 celebrate his entrance into Edinburgh with a kind of mock 
 solemnity. Thus on Saturday the 18th of May, the 
 magistrates met him at the gates, and led him in triumph 
 through the streets. First appeared his officers, bound 
 with cords, and walking two and two ; then was seen the 
 Marquis placed on a high chair in the hangman's cart, 
 with his hands pinioned, and his hat pulled off, while the 
 hangman himself continued covered by his side. It is 
 alleged in a cotemporary record that the reason of his 
 being tied to the cart was, in hope that the people would 
 have stoned him, and that he might not be able by his 
 hands to save his face. In all the procession, there 
 appeared in Montrose such majesty, courage, modesty, 
 and even somewhat more than natural, that even these 
 women who had lost their husbands and children in his 
 wars, and were hired to stone him, were, upon the sight of 
 him, so astonished and moved, that their intended curses 
 turned into tears and prayers. Of the many thousand 
 spectators only one — Lady Jane Gordon, Countess of 
 Haddington — was heard to scoff and laugh aloud. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 291 
 
 Montrose himself continued to display the same serenity 
 of temper, when at last, late in the evening, he was 
 allowed to enter his prison, and found there a deputation 
 from the Parliament. He merely expressed to them his 
 satisfaction at the near approach of the Sunday as the 
 day of rest. 
 
 " For," said he, "the compliment you put on me tms 
 day was a little tedious and fatiguing/'' 
 
 Montrose told his prosecutors that he was more proud 
 to have his head fixed on the top of the prison walls than 
 that his picture should hang in the King's bed-chamber ; 
 and that far from being troubled at his legs and arms 
 being dispersed among the four principal cities, he only 
 wished he had limbs to send to every city in Christendom 
 as testimonies of his unshaken attachment to the cause in 
 which he suffered. When Sir Archibald Johnston of 
 Warriston, the Clerk-Register, entered the prisoner's cell, 
 and found him employed, early in the morning, combing 
 the long curled hair, which he wore according to the 
 custom of the Cavaliers, the visitor muttered : 
 
 " Why is James Graham so careful of his locks V 
 
 Montrose replied with a smile : 
 
 u While my head is my own, I will dress and adorn it; 
 but when it becomes yours, you may treat it as you 
 please/' 
 
 Montrose, proud of the cause in which he was to suffer, 
 clad himself, on the day of his execution, in rich attire — 
 " more becoming a bridegroom," says one of his enemies, 
 "than a criminal going to the gallows." 
 
 As he walked along, and beheld the instrument of his 
 doom, his step was not seen to falter nor his eye quail ; 
 to the last he bore himself with such steadfast courage, 
 such calm dignity, as have seldom been equalled, and 
 
 o2 
 
292 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 never surpassed. At the foot of the scaffold, a further 
 and parting insult was reserved for him : the executioner 
 brought Dr. Wishart's narrative of his exploits, and his 
 own Manifesto, to hang around his neck, but Montrose 
 himself assisted in binding them, and smiling at this new 
 token of malice, merely said : 
 
 " I did not feel more honoured when his Majesty sent 
 me the Garter." 
 
 He then asked whether they had any more indignities 
 to put upon him, and rinding there were none, he prayed 
 for some time, with his hat before his eyes. He drew 
 apart some of the magistrates, and spoke awhile with 
 them, and then went up the ladder in his red scarlet 
 cassock, in a very stately manner, and never spoke a 
 word; but when the executioner was putting the cord 
 about his neck, he looked down to the people upon the 
 scaffold, and asked : 
 
 " How long shall I hang here V 
 
 His head was affixed to a spike at the top of the Tol- 
 booth, where it remained a ghastly spectacle, during ten 
 years. — See Napier's Life of Montrose. 
 
 Look, I ask you, at the state to which our Church, so 
 dear to us all, has been reduced. Romish doctrines 
 taught everywhere. The Bible superseded by tradition. 
 Justification by works, prayers for the dead, purgatory, 
 the Real Presence, the sacrifice of the altar, the Mediation 
 of Mary, insisted on as Catholic truths. Roman Catholic 
 books of devotion, rosaries, and crucifixes, introduced into 
 our churches, and invidiously finding their way into our 
 houses, under the sanction of ministers of religion. 
 Clergymen in this great metropolis, like school-boys, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 293 
 
 playing at Popery, openly performing their miserable 
 imitations of the Romish ceremonial, amidst the derisive 
 applause of the actual adherents of the Papal See. Con- 
 fessionals set up in every diocese, and confessors aptly 
 instructed in all the dark mysteries of their art, ready to 
 occupy them. The genuine honesty of our English youth 
 trained to under-hand dealing and concealment, under the 
 specious disguise of privilege to be enjoyed, or duty to 
 be fulfilled. These principles are spread among a large 
 body of the clergy, and are every day gaining ground. 
 So rapidly, indeed, that I fear we are gradually becoming 
 familiarized with error, and that unless the sound portion 
 of our community rises up at once in defence of the truth, 
 as a Church, we shall soon cherish it no more ; it will 
 perish from among us. No less than a hundred clergy- 
 men have recently seceded to Rome. — Romish Sacra- 
 ment, tyc, by the Rev. H. Hughes, St. Pancras. 
 
 Extracts from Wilson's Voyage round the Coasts of 
 Scotland, Vol. i. : 
 
 Off the island of Arran, we perceived two men in a 
 small craft, who seemed quite unconscious that the 
 flaming chariot of the world's great eye was now almost 
 upon them. Their little boat hung motionless on the 
 then waveless mirror of the bay, in about ten feet depth 
 of water ; and after for a minute or thereby holding their 
 faces close upon the surface, they seemed suddenly to 
 pull a long pole out of the water, with something adhering 
 to its extremity. We soon found that they were taking 
 advantage of the glassy stillness of the water, to overlook 
 the early walk of crabs. They no sooner saw these 
 crusty crustaceans on the subaqueous sand, than they 
 
294 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 poked them behind with their long staves. The crabs 
 turned round to revenge the indignity, and like Russian 
 gens-d'arines, seized upon the unsuspecting Poles. Those 
 latter were slightly shaken by the fisherman, as if in 
 pain or terror; the angry creatures clung all the closer,, 
 and were then rapidly hoisted into the boat. The moral 
 we drew at the time, and have since maintained was, that 
 neither crab nor Christian should ever lose his temper. — 
 p. 27. 
 
 Hard work being the secret of Southey's cheerfulness, 
 he advises a low-spirited friend to translate " Tristram 
 Shandy" into Hebrew, and he would be a happy man. 
 ■ c I am fairly obliged," he says, at the age of thirty, 
 "to lay writing aside, because it perplexes me in my 
 dreams. 'Tis a vile thing to be pestered in sleep with all 
 the books I have been reading in the day jostled together. 
 Imagine me in this great study of mine, from breakfast 
 till dinner, from dinner till tea, and from tea till supper, 
 in my old black coat, my corduroys, alternately with the 
 long worsted pantaloons and gaiters in one, and the green 
 shade, and sitting at my desk, and you have my picture 
 and my history. I play with Dapper, the dog, down 
 stairs, who loves me as well as ever Cupid did, and the 
 cat up stairs plays with me ; for puss, finding my room 
 the quietest in the house, has thought proper to share it 
 with me. Our weather has been so wet, that I have not 
 got out of doors for a walk once in a month. Now and 
 then I go down to the river, which runs at the bottom of 
 the orchard, and throw stones till my arms ache, and then 
 saunter back again. I rouse the house to breakfast every 
 morning, and qualify myself for a boatswain's place by 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 295 
 
 this practice ; and thus one day passes like another, and 
 never did days appear to pass so fast." — Southey's Life, 
 vol. ii, p. 262. 
 
 When Frederick, Prince Palatine of the Rhine, and 
 head of the Protestant union, wisely hesitated about 
 accepting the Bavarian crown, his wife Elizabeth, sister of 
 Charles I., taunted him for his fears, and in an evil day 
 gained her object. 
 
 "You were bold enough," she said, "to marry the 
 daughter of a King, and you hesitate to accept a crown ! 
 I had rather live on bread with a King than feast with an 
 Elector I" 
 
 This " Queen of Hearts," the Pearl of Britain, whose 
 lofty spirit led Frederick into danger, sustained him in 
 defeat. Prostrated by his ruin, he was only roused to the 
 exertion of escaping by the energy of Elizabeth ; and it 
 was full time. The stern Maximilian was at the gates, 
 and allowed the city but eight hours to frame such terms 
 of capitulation as might save it from the horrors of 
 assault. Before then, or never, the young Queen must 
 be far away over the rugged mountain passes, through the 
 wintry snow. Nor did she hesitate, delicately nurtured as 
 she was, and within a few weeks of her confinement, the 
 brave Englishwoman preferred any fate to that of cap- 
 tivity and disgrace. One moment her voice faltered, as 
 her devoted followers offered to set the enemy at defiance, 
 and defend the city to the death, to cover her retreat. 
 
 "Never!" she exclaimed to Bernard, Count Thurin; 
 " never shall the son of our best friend hazard his life to 
 spare my fears ! never shall this devoted city be exposed 
 
296 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 to more outrageous treatment for my sake ! Rather let 
 me perish on the spot than be remembered as a curse !" 
 
 Her young son, Prince Rupert, was afterwards educated 
 in the University of Leyden, w T here he became well versed 
 in mathematics and religion, and was indeed made Jesuit- 
 proof, so that the subtle priests with whom he had been 
 much conversant could never make him stagger. — Prince 
 Rupert and the Cavaliers, by Eliot Warburton. 
 
 Luther's death : 
 
 The thought of death had never been long absent from 
 Luther's mind. In the year 1527 he took leave of all 
 his friends ; and ten years later, he, with his friends, gave 
 up every hope of his restoration. And not only did the 
 thoughts and the expectations of death often present 
 themselves before him, but he did not even fly from its 
 terrors; for example, during the plague in Wittemberg, 
 he remained and personally attended on the sick. Indeed, 
 he seemed at times to desire the death of a martyr ; and 
 particularly in his latter years, he often wished to be 
 released from his cares. 
 
 In 1535, he says, when writing upon the subject of the 
 union with the Swiss brethren : " If this reconciliation be 
 confirmed, then with tears of joy I will sing, ' Now lettest 
 thou thy servant depart, for I have seen the Church at 
 peace/ * * * I witness this re-union after so long 
 an estrangement with heartfelt delight, before my death, 
 which I hope and believe is not far distant. * * * 
 Farewell in the Lord ! pray for me, that I may happily 
 cast off the body of this death, the sins of the flesh, and 
 enter into the joy of the Lord/' 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 297 
 
 In answer to inquiries from the Elector respecting his 
 health, Luther answered : " I am well, and better than I 
 deserve to be ; and that my head is sometimes weak is no 
 wonder. Old age is with me, and he is always infirm 
 and decrepit, weak and sickly. The pitcher, after long- 
 use, must at last be broken at the fountain. I have lived 
 long enough, and only wait till God shall grant me that 
 blessed hour when my worthless body shall be gathered to 
 my people. I have, I am convinced, lived in the best 
 times ; all things now appear to be taking a retrograde 
 movement/ 5 
 
 Still in thy heart, heroic England ! long 
 
 May Luther's voice and Luther's spirit live 
 
 Unsilenced and unshamed. Thou peerless home 
 
 Of liberty and laws, of arts and arms, 
 
 Of learning, love and eloquence divine, 
 
 Where Shakespeare dreamt, and sightless Milton soar'd, 
 
 Where heroes bled, and martyrs for the truth 
 
 Have died the burning death — without a groan ; 
 
 Land of the beautiful, the brave, the free, 
 
 Never, oh, never, round thy yielded soul 
 
 May damming Popery its rust-worn chain 
 
 Of darkness rivet ; in the might of heaven 
 
 Awake ! — and, back to Rome, vile dungeon, hurl 
 
 Her shackles base and slavery abhorred ! 
 
 Without the Bible, Briton's life-blood chills, 
 
 And curdles : in that Book and by that Book 
 
 Almighty — freedom can alone be kept 
 
 From age to age, in unison with Heaven. 
 
 R. Montgomery's Luther. 
 
 Roman Catholics have called the Church of England 
 " the daughter Church," as if Britain owed to Rome its 
 conversion; but on the contrary, when St. Augustine 
 
 o3 
 
298 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 landed in England, Bertha, Queen of Kent, was already 
 a Christian, with a Christian Church and a Christian 
 chaplain. He also found among the ancient Britons, in 
 the West of England, a Church, with many proselytes 
 and bishops. — Seymour's Mornings, p. 113. 
 
 In the Church of St. Agnes, at Rome, is an antique 
 statue of Bacchus, now christened and worshipped as a 
 female saint ; and where anciently the temple of Mars 
 stood the Church of St. Martina is now erected, bearing 
 this inscription : 
 
 Mars hence expelled ; Martina, martyr'd maid 
 Claims now the worship which to him was paid. 
 
 The Pantheon, now the noblest heathen temple remain- 
 ing on the earth, exhibits this inscription over the portico : 
 
 " Having been impiously dedicated of old by Agrippa 
 to Jove and all the gods, it is now piously consecrated by 
 Pope Boniface IV. to the Blessed Virgin and all the 
 saints." The Popish worship still carried on there is no 
 improvement on the Pagan, and every individual may 
 choose the patron saint he prefers, as the different ser- 
 vices are going on simultaneously at all the different 
 altars to all the different demi-gods. 
 
 Soon after the magistrates of Edinburgh had called a 
 street, after David Hume, " St. David Street," one of 
 these functionaries happening to meet the historian, 
 asked him to guess what honour had been conferred upon 
 him. 
 
 Hume acknowledged his inability to conjecture. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 299 
 
 "You will be surprised/' continued the magistrate, 
 " to hear that we have made a saint of you !" 
 
 " That/' answered David, " is the very last honour I 
 ever expected to receive V* 
 
 Perhaps many Romish saints have been canonized 
 that quite as little deserved the distinction. 
 
 Every child of average intelligence and tolerable habits 
 knows in the main that its education is a subject of im- 
 portance — a thing of seriousness and solemnity — requiring 
 both the diligence of the pupil and the attention of the 
 teacher ; at the same time that it gives him a degree of 
 consequence, and that all the trouble is duly balanced by 
 the honour of being made fit for the future man or woman. 
 Such being the case, he does not really thank you for dress- 
 ing up his studies in a trifling or jocose manner — for admi- 
 nistering meat-nourishment in sweet jelly; but is, on the 
 contrary, intuitively annoyed at being treated below his 
 dignity. There is none among the many varieties of 
 childhood's development for which this cheating-trouble 
 system really answers. For sluggish and inert minds it 
 is no cure ; while, for quick and impetuous natures, a bit 
 of rough and heavy road is at once the best stimulus and 
 restraint. Like Lord Byron, a child likes to " have some- 
 thing craggy, whereon to break his mind." 
 
 Contrasted with such books of instruction as are thus 
 supposed to be smoothed in their passage to the mind by 
 the unction of playfulness, may be mentioned those works 
 professedly of amusement, in which a tale is made the 
 vehicle of smuggling in knowledge, during leisure hours. 
 u What charming books children are supplied with now- 
 a-days \" says a well-meaning person, taking up one of 
 
300 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 those deceitful compositions, which, after enticing you 
 through pleasant paths, suddenly turns you adrift in a 
 wilderness of machinery, chemistry, or religious disquisi- 
 sion. "What charming books ! Children can be always 
 learning something." Very true ; but, unfortunately, 
 this is the last thing children care to do. The more 
 thoroughly they have applied during school-hours, the 
 more eagerly do they dismiss the matter from their minds 
 the moment they are released; nor need we comment 
 upon a habit which is in itself so excellent, as to be found 
 the greatest safeguard, for health of mind and body, in all 
 stages of life. Such books, therefore, however patronised 
 by parents and teachers, have but little chance of popularity 
 among the children : their bindings will invariably be 
 found in better preservation than any other in the tiny 
 book-case. To place such books in a child's hands is, in 
 point of fact, only supplying him with a bundle of pages, 
 of which he skips two out of every three. Children are 
 not to be deceived ; they are gifted with an exquisite tact 
 for detecting dull passages, and as sure to avoid the hook 
 as to relish the bait. — Quarterly Review , vol. lxi, p. 58. 
 
 In Dr. Chalmers' youthful days, when first he left his 
 home for the wide world, to breast its angry floods, and 
 buffet his way to fame, the day of his departure was one 
 of mixed emotion. He was to travel on horseback to the 
 ferry at Dundee, and the whole family turned out to 
 bid him farewell. Having taken, as he thought, his last 
 tender look of them all, he turned to mount the horse, 
 which stood waiting for him at the door; but he mounted 
 so that, when fairly on its back, his head was turned, not 
 to the horse's head, but to the horse's tail. This was 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. . 301 
 
 too much for all parties, and especially for him ; so 
 wheeling round as quickly as he could, amid pursuing 
 peals of laughter, which he most heartily re-echoed, he 
 left Anstruther in the rear. — Memoir* of Chalmers, vol. i, 
 p. 24. 
 
 Dr. Chalmers placed the highest estimate on the value 
 of every fleeting hour; and being very busily engaged, 
 one forenoon, in his study, a man entered, who at once 
 propitiated him under the provocation of an unexpected 
 interruption, by telling him that he called under great 
 distress of mind. 
 
 " Sit down, Sir: be good enough to be seated," said 
 the Doctor, turning eagerly and full of interest from his 
 writing-table. 
 
 The visitor explained to him that he was troubled with 
 doubts about the Divine origin of the Christian religion ; 
 and being kindly questioned as to what these were, he 
 gave, among others, what is said in the Bible about Mel- 
 chisedek being without father and without mother, &c. 
 Patiently and anxiously Dr. Chalmers sought to clear 
 away each successive difficulty, as it was stated. Express- 
 ing himself as if greatly relieved in mind, and imagining 
 that he had gained his end : 
 
 " Doctor," said the visitor, " I am in great want of a 
 little money at present, and perhaps you could help mc 
 in that way." 
 
 At once the object of his visitor was seen. A perfect 
 tornado of indignation burst upon the deceiver, driving 
 him, in very quick retreat, from the study to the street- 
 door, these words escaping, among others : 
 
 " Not, a penny, Sir ; not a penny. It's too bad ; it's 
 
302 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 too bad! And to haul in your hypocrisy upon the 
 shoulders of Melchisedek !" — Dr. Hanna's Life of Chal- 
 mers, vol. ii. 
 
 The calm, composed, and strictly-reasonable character 
 of a religion, which so entirely relates to things invisible 
 as that delivered in the Gospel, has always afforded to 
 my mind the most conclusive internal evidence of the 
 Divine authority of its Author. Such a system could not 
 have emanated from an enthusiast ; for the points on 
 which the enthusiast would have enlarged and insisted the 
 most, the Gospel absolutely excludes. Neither could 
 such a system have proceeded from an impostor; for 
 where the impostor could have delighted to expatiate, in 
 attractive inventions, respecting the circumstances of the 
 higher and unseen world, the Gospel is altogether silent. 
 There is a certain plain, severe, direct, substantial impres- 
 sion of the truth stamped upon the Christian Revelation, 
 which declares its origin to be derived from the very 
 source of Truth. It is, at the same time, purely spiri- 
 tual, and strictly practical. It represents the earth as 
 the school for heaven ; our moral duties are God's ser- 
 vice ; our domestic and social affections, purified by faith, 
 are identified with the graces of His Spirit ; and the 
 active business of a Christian life — its labours, its tempta- 
 tions, and its anxieties — constitute the discipline by 
 w r hich we are prepared for that more exalted state of 
 being in a better world, of which we only know that it 
 will be a social state, and secure from the intrusion of sin, 
 and care, and death. — Sermons by the Rev, W % Harness, 
 p. 119. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 303 
 
 As a painful instance of human frailty in matters of 
 religion, I will lay before you the history of an idle 
 notion respecting the Virgin Mary, which has, within 
 these few months been raised by the present Pope into an 
 article of faith. With that infatuated determination to 
 exalt the Virgin Mary, which has taken such possession 
 of the Roman Church, as to render its religion rather a 
 form of Mariolatry, than of Christianity, its adherents 
 have, for the last six centuries, been endeavouring to 
 persuade themselves that the mother of our Lord was 
 born without the taint of original sin. This doctrine was 
 altogether unknown to the early fathers of the Church. 
 Indeed, though they could never have anticipated the 
 promulgation of such a notion, and could only incidentally, 
 in treating of other matters, have let fall any passages 
 which touched upon the subject ; St. Ambrose, St. Chry- 
 sostom, St. Augustin, the Venerable Bede, St. Bernard, 
 and others of the leading doctrinal authorities of Christen- 
 dom, have in a very extraordinary manner, expressed 
 opinions, which are most clearly and decidedly opposed to 
 it. They have all declared, that that taint of Adam's sin, 
 which is entailed on all his posterity, was inherited by the 
 Virgin Mary. — Rev. W. Harness's Sermons, p. 38. 
 
 A young lady, lately perverted to Bomanism, being 
 asked her reasons, replied : " It is such a comfort to have 
 a woman in Heaven to pray to \" 
 
 Henry Home, Lord Kames, was the author of an infidel 
 work called the " Sketches of Man." A letter being 
 brought one day to David Hume, who did not always 
 acknowledge his infidelity, addressed, "To Hume the 
 
304 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Atheist," he said, after angrily glancing at the inscription, 
 " Take that letter to Lord Karnes." — Archdeacon Sin- 
 clair's Memoirs of his Father. 
 
 There are not many instances of freedom from selfish- 
 ness aud of self-denying devotion to be found in the 
 world more striking than that which we find shown by 
 the wife of an English peasant towards her husband. 
 She will bear patiently with outbreaks of the most 
 unreasonable passion, will toil herself for her children, 
 when the father spends his earnings on a sensual life, 
 will go without any but the plainest food 5 that he may have 
 sufficient for his daily work ; will screen his faults to the 
 last, when those faults consist in the most cruel treatment 
 to herself; will place herself in numberless difficulties in 
 order to save him from just punishment, and yet with all 
 this, she will be scarcely conscious of any definite feeling 
 towards him, and in conversation, would give one the 
 impression of indifference and want of affection. — Monro's 
 Parochial TYork, p. 29. 
 
 I am half entertained and half provoked by some 
 peculiarities in the Glasgow people. The peculiarity 
 which bears hardest on me is the incessant demand they 
 have, upon all occasions, for the personal attendance of the 
 ministers. They must have four to every funeral, or they 
 do not think that it has been genteelly gone through. 
 They must have one or more at all the committees of all 
 the societies. They must fall into every procession. They 
 must attend examinations innumerable, and eat of the 
 dinners consequent upon these examinations. They have 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 305 
 
 a niche assigned to them in almost every public doing, 
 and that niche must be filled up by them, or the doing 
 loses all its solemnity in the eyes of the public. There 
 seems to be a superstitious charm in the very sight of 
 them, and such is the manifold officiality with which they 
 are covered, that they must be paraded among all the 
 meetings and all the institutions. I gave in to all this at 
 first, but I am beginning to keep a suspicious eye upon 
 these repeated demands ever since I sat nearly an hour 
 in grave deliberation with a number of others upon a 
 subject connected with the property of a corporation, and 
 that subject was a gutter, and the question was whether 
 it should be bought and covered up, or let alone and left 
 to lie open. I am gradually separating myself from all 
 this trash, and long to establish it as a doctrine, that the 
 life of a town minister should be what the life of a 
 country minister might be, that is, a life of intellectual 
 leisure, with the otium of literary pursuits, and his entire 
 time disposable to the purposes to which the Apostles 
 gave themselves wholly, that is, the ministry of the word 
 and prayer. — Life of Chalmers, vol. ii, p. 21. 
 
 A good man and a wise man may at times be angry 
 with the world, at times grieved for it ; but be sure no 
 man was ever discontented with the world who did his 
 duty in it. — Southeifs Life. 
 
 Popery has no scruples ; it will carry on a guerilla 
 warfare by monks, and friars, and Jesuits, where the 
 regular troops of the Church would refuse or be unable 
 to act. It will grant letters of marque to a pirate, rather 
 
306 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 than fail to annoy an enemy. Domestic obligations lie 
 in her way ; she loosens them in a moment for the purpose 
 of enlisting restless spirits in her militia of monastic 
 orders. Rules of monasticism bind them up in too rigid 
 forms for actual service, and to give flexibility and ease 
 to their movements, she modifies and tampers with their 
 vows and obligations. That she may have her officers 
 everywhere under her eye, she lays down as a fundamental 
 law, the necessity of distinguishing them by open and 
 even indelible marks. She would brand them with the 
 tonsure, and attire them in uniform. But a body of 
 police in plain clothes is often useful, and therefore, 
 Jesuitism is permitted to appear under any disguise. 
 Popery owns no limitations ; it creates laws, and the next 
 moment dispenses with them ; imposes obligations, and 
 with the same hand contrives escapes from them ; anything 
 rather than submit to a delay, or interfere with its 
 purpose. — Quarterly Review, vol. lxxi. 
 
 The practice of confession has no authority in Scrip- 
 ture : it had no place in the Primitive Church. Bishop 
 Porteus says : " That private confession, in all cases, was 
 never thought of, as a Divine command, for nine hundred 
 years after Christ, nor determined to be such, till after 
 twelve hundred years." 
 
 Looking at the system with reference to the constitu- 
 tion of the human soul, and in connection with its influ- 
 ence on the character, I can conceive but one inevitable 
 consequence — the demoralization alike of the penitent and 
 confessor. 
 
 What can be more pernicious to the healthy moral con- 
 dition of the character of any clergyman than to be made 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 307 
 
 the depository of all the wicked doings and evil imagina- 
 tions of his flock ? He lives and breathes in an atmo- 
 sphere of simulation. He can never do, or say, or look 
 the truth. He is compelled to mingle in a society, of 
 which, with his own heart closed, he sees the heart of 
 every other individual laid bare and naked, and exposed 
 in all its infirmity before him. He knows, and he only 
 knows, that what appears noble, is mean ; what generous, 
 sordid ; what pure, corrupt ; and yet, bound by an oath 
 of inviolable secrecy, he is constrained to pass about 
 among them in an apparently friendly intercourse ; to 
 play the part of a hypocrite before all; to treat the mean as 
 noble, the sordid as generous, the corrupt as pure ! 
 Sadly painful to any of us would it prove, to undergo the 
 ordeal of the confessional : yet that might be endured. 
 But I cannot conceive how any recompense, which this 
 world might offer, could induce a man to occupy the seat 
 of the confessor. — Sermons by the Rev. W. Harness, 
 p. 70. 
 
 Bonaparte happening one day to ask a friend of Talley- 
 rand's whether he had really ever been a bishop, the 
 person questioned knowing that the powerful minister 
 would be angry if he acknowledged it, and not daring to 
 tell the Emperor a falsehood, replied: " Everybody in 
 the world says so, and for my own part I believe them." 
 
 Prince Kaunitz, though the head of a Government, 
 used to spend whole mornings planning new dresses. 
 Instead of being powdered, as other people were, he had 
 a room impregnated with powder, and walked once 
 
308 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 through it. He was one of the coldest-hearted people 
 that ever lived, and used to say he did not believe he had 
 a friend in the world. He learnt the death of his sister 
 by seeing the family in mourning ; and on once being told 
 that his most intimate acquaintance was not likely to rise 
 from his sick bed : 
 
 "Then/' said he, "let that person's name be never 
 mentioned to me again/' 
 
 By the laws of Eton, all King's scholars (those who 
 are on the foundation) are obliged during the ten years 
 they are there, to eat no other meat than mutton. It 
 would be quite as allowable to make a religious duty of 
 this custom, as of eating nothing but fish upon Fridays, 
 for which the Bible gives no warrant, but on the contrary, 
 censures men for "abstaining from meats," as well as 
 "forbidding to marry." 
 
 A Jesuit may be shortly described as an empty suit of 
 clothes, with another person living in them, who acts for 
 him, thinks for him, decides for him whether he shall be 
 a prince or a beggar, and moves him about wheresover he 
 pleases — who allows him to exhibit the external aspect of 
 a man, but leaves him none of the privileges — no liberty, 
 no property, no affections, not even the power to refuse 
 obedience when ordered to commit the most atrocious of 
 crimes, for the more he outrages his own feelings, the 
 greater his merits. Obedience to the superior is his only 
 idea of virtue, and in all other respects he is a mere 
 image. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 309 
 
 From Mr. Wilberforce to Sir John Sinclair : 
 I do admire your indefatigable and inexhaustible 
 energy ; and I must say I respect that versatility in the 
 direction of your powers, which entitles you in another 
 way to the praise which Dr. Johnson, with all his disaffec- 
 tion towards dissenters, lavished on Dr. Watts : for that 
 he, the same man, could at one time enter the lists with 
 Locke and Leibnitz, and at another, write hymns for 
 children of seven years old. 
 
 But, my dear Sir John, suffer me, and that with real 
 seriousness, and real good will, to express a wish, that, as 
 whatever may be your success in the extension of longevity, 
 your period and mine for going hence must soon arrive, 
 you will expend some of your attention on what will 
 follow after we shall have stripped off this mortal coil ; the 
 rather because we are assured in that book, which, after 
 close inquiry, I believe to be of Divine authority, that in 
 order to secure for ourselves the happiness offered to us 
 hereafter, there must be great labour and much diligence. 
 But then we know that labour and diligence in that 
 effort only, if exerted with simplicity of intention, can 
 never fail. — Archdeacon Sinclair's Memoirs of his Father. 
 p. 380. 
 
 To a clergyman : 
 
 The only popularity worth aspiring after is, a peaceful 
 popularity — the popularity of the heart — the popularity 
 that is w T on in the bosom of families, and at the side of 
 death-beds. There is another, a high and a far-sounding 
 popularity, which is indeed a most worthless article, felt 
 by all who have it most, to be greatly more oppressive 
 than gratifying — a popularity of stare, and pressure, and 
 
310 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 animal heat, and a whole tribe of other annoyances which 
 it brings around the person of its unfortunate victim — a 
 popularity which rifles home of its sweets, and by elevating 
 a man above his fellows places him in a region of desola- 
 tion, where the intimacies of human fellowship are unfelt, 
 and w T here he stands a conspicuous mark for the shafts of 
 malice, and envy, and detraction — a popularity which, 
 with its head among storms, and its feet on the treache- 
 rous quicksands, has nothing to lull the agonies of its 
 tottering existence, but the hosannahs of a drivelling 
 generation. — Chalmers. 
 
 The clue to all history is the Christian dispensation. 
 Without this faith, the whole history of the world would 
 be nought else than an insoluble enigma, an inextricable 
 labyrinth, a huge pile of the blocks and fragments of an 
 unfinished edifice ; and the great tragedy of humanity 
 would remain devoid of all proper result. — F. Schlegel. 
 
 Christianity offers no concession to human appetite. 
 It permits no indulgence of a mischievous fancy. Its gate 
 has been made by Almighty power strait, and its way 
 narrow ; and in straitness and narrowness they are pre- 
 served. But Popery sees the difficulty of holding man- 
 kind in restraint and obedience under such conditions, 
 and she at once smooths her face, throws open her arms, 
 and invites all mankind to salvation along an easier way. 
 " Salvation Made Easy," the title of one of their popular 
 books, is the true secret and theory of the morals of 
 Popery, especially as fully developed in the casuistry and 
 the confessionals of Jesuitism. She introduces a new 
 body of mediators to propitiate the mercy of God, while 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 311 
 
 for another important purpose they hinder the sinner's 
 personal approach to His throne. She makes these media- 
 tors purely human that they may be approached with less 
 of awe. They are individualized, that they may be placed 
 still more on a level of familiarity with the suppliant. 
 Even in human nature man may be thought too stern, 
 and, therefore, the female character is introduced ; and to 
 set female mediation before men in the most tender, 
 delicate, pliable, and resistless of all its forms, the Virgin 
 Mary is the object principally selected, to which their 
 worship is directed, and on which their hopes are fixed. 
 Popery knows that no worship is so easy or so agreeable 
 as the idolatry which creates a Divine being out of a stock 
 or a stone; combining at once the pleasure of bowing 
 down before a superior power, and that of feeling at the 
 same time our own superiority to it. And this is the 
 secret of the Popish Mariolatry. With one hand they 
 elevate the Virgin to a level even with God Himself ; they 
 parody for her the Psalms, the Te Deum, even the 
 Athanasian Creed; they make her the Queen of Heaven, 
 and Mistress of the Universe ; give to her the right of a 
 mother to command her son, invest her with absolute om- 
 nipotence, while with a vain endeavour to save the words 
 from blasphemy : they make her prayers the condition of 
 pardon ; and with the other hand they depict her in all the 
 softness of feminine beauty and delicacy ; incapable of a 
 harsh thought ; forgiving sin, at a single word of prayer. 
 — Quarterly Review, vol ii, p. 210. 
 
 A complete exemplification of Romanism may be seen 
 in one of the statues admitted this year into the Crystal 
 
312 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Palace. The Virgin Mary is there represented treading 
 on the head of the serpent, and carrying an infant to Jesus 
 in her arms ; but in the Holy Bible, which seems entirely 
 set aside by Papists, it is said that " the seed of the 
 woman shall bruise the serpent's head." Those words of 
 Scripture should be solemnly remembered in looking at 
 such a misrepresentation of sacred history and doctrine : 
 " I will not give my glory to another." 
 
 A story very singularly authenticated, is told in the 
 cc Quarterly Pteview/' as having occurred once in Australia ; 
 the particulars of which undoubtedly prove, that on the 
 evidence of an apparition, a culprit was about ten years 
 ago, discovered and hung for murder. The confidential 
 steward of a wealthy settler near Sydney, suddenly an- 
 nounced, a few years since, that his master having been 
 unexpectedly summoned on important business to England, 
 the whole of his immense property had been meanwhile 
 entrusted to his management till the proprietor returned 
 from a hurried excursion to the old country. Not a 
 doubt crossed any individual's mind as to the perfect 
 accuracy of this statement, and the steward continued 
 during several months to act as trustee for his absent 
 master. 
 
 One evening, some time afterwards, a gentleman who 
 had been acquainted with the English settler, was riding 
 home through that absentee's grounds, when he became 
 astonished to perceive his friend sitting on a stile by the 
 roadside, and he advanced cordially to congratulate him 
 on his speedy return. Before he could speak, however, 
 the Englishman had risen silently from his seat, and with 
 a mournful expression of countenance, walked slowly 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 313 
 
 towards a neighbouring pond, where he disappeared. The 
 gentleman being on horseback could not follow, but the 
 scene haunted his thoughts all the way home with astonish- 
 ment and perplexity, therefore next morning he returned 
 with several assistants, who perseveringly dragged the pond, 
 when to the grief and consternation of all present, the mur- 
 dered body of their departed friend was brought to light. 
 
 Immediately the whole party hurried to the deceased 
 proprietor's house, where they arrested the steward on 
 suspicion of murder, and he was brought to trial ; but 
 when the particulars were detailed before him of this 
 awful apparition, he became appalled by a sense of his own 
 guilt, and by the startling consciousness that even the grave 
 had given up its dead to witness against him, so that he 
 might not escape a fearfully deserved punishment. The 
 steward then confessed that one evening, seeing his 
 master sitting on that very stile, the whole plan had 
 at once suggested itself to his mind, and that having come 
 behind his victim he suddenly struck him down insen- 
 sible, dragged his body to the pond, and having as he 
 thought, buried it for ever out of sight, announced the 
 story which had been so entirely believed of his master's 
 sudden journey to England. The culprit suffered soon 
 after the extreme penalty of the law, and the whole par- 
 ticulars may be found recorded in the journals of that 
 period, about the year 1830, and in the public records. 
 
 Soon after the accession to power of the present Sultan 
 of Turkey, he entered on a career of reform, opposed to 
 the pride and the prejudice of the Turks. To arrest him 
 in this dangerous course was the object of the Ulemas, 
 (Turkish Jesuits), who resolved, if possible, to work on 
 
 p 
 
314 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 the young despot's mind by exciting his superstitious 
 fears. One day, as he was on his knees, according to 
 custom, in his father's tomb, he heard a low voice reite- 
 rating from beneath, " I burn, I burn !" The next time 
 he prayed there, the same terrible words were uttered in 
 the earth, and none other. The Sultan applied to the 
 chief of the Imauns for an interpretation of this strange 
 phenomena, and was told that his father had been a great 
 reformer, and was now probably suffering the penalty of 
 his imprudent course. 
 
 The young sovereign, scarcely crediting his own ears, 
 then sent his brother-in-law to pray in the same spot, and 
 afterwards several others of his household. They went, 
 and each time the words, " I burn!" sounded in their 
 ears as though from the grave of the buried king. 
 
 At length the Sultan proclaimed his intention of going 
 in a procession of state to his father's tomb. He went 
 with a magnificent train, accompanied by the principal 
 doctors of Mohammedan law, and again during his 
 devotions, the words being heard, " I burn !" all 
 trembled except the Sultan. Rising from his prayer- 
 carpet, he called in his guards, and commanded them to 
 dig up the pavement and remove the tomb. It was in 
 vain that the muftis interposed, reprobating so great a 
 profanation, and uttered dreadful warnings as to its 
 consequences. The Sultan persisted. The foundations 
 of the tomb were laid bare, and in a cavity skilfully left, 
 among them was found, not a burning Sultan, but a 
 dervish. The young monarch regarded him for a time 
 fixedly and in silence, and then said, without any further 
 remark, or the slightest expression of anger, " You burn ? 
 you must cool in the Bosphorus." In a few minutes 
 more, the dervish was in a bag, and the bag immediately 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 315 
 
 after was in the Bosphoms ; while the Sultan rode back 
 to his palace, accompanied by his household and ministers, 
 who ceased not all the way to ejaculate, " Mashallah ! 
 Allah is great ! — there is no God but God, and Mohammed 
 is the prophet of God \" — Picturesque Sketches by Aubrey 
 de Vere. 
 
 If the Sultan could pay a visit to Eome, and legislate 
 over the winking pictures and weeping statues belonging 
 to the Popish Church, he would give a very short and 
 clear explanation of the modern miracles there, and pro- 
 bably consign all the wax images in a bag to the Tiber. 
 
 A Jesuit priest used to be considered in England an 
 almost fabulous being, whom the British people no more 
 expected to see on their shores than a ghost ; but it is 
 singular that now most of the converts to Bomanism join 
 that sect of Papists which has been banished from almost 
 every other country where Popery itself is most rampant, 
 and even by many former Popes from Borne itself. The 
 Bomanists boast of unity, but they have the sects of the 
 Benedictines, the Franciscans, the Carmelites, and many 
 more, besides the Jesuits, whose religion consists in 
 obedience to the superior of their own Order. No 
 man can be considered truthful who is ready to tell a 
 falsehood at the bidding of another ; or honest, who is 
 ready to practise any deceit at the command of his 
 master ; but the truth, honesty, and virtue of a Jesuit 
 are not his own to practise, without the permission of 
 another man, mortal and sinful like himself. He may be 
 ordered to creep into houses in a false character ; to talk, 
 or even to preach, as a Protestant minister ; to live like a 
 prince one day, and to be a beggar the next ; yet with an 
 
 p2 
 
316 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 unflinching submission, which, were it shown to God rather 
 than to man, would be most desirable in a better cause ; 
 the Jesuit must give a cheerful, unhesitating obedience 
 to any course of sin or of suffering — of mental, moral, or 
 bodily degradation, that may be pointed out for the good 
 of his Order. The Jesuit looks not to the steps of the 
 ladder, which may be all crime or suffering, but only to 
 the end — that of extending the temporal power of that 
 corporation to which he belongs ; and it is so difficult for 
 an open-faced, honest-hearted Englishman to believe in 
 the existence of such a mere puppet to do evil, that, till 
 the infection is secretly introduced into his own family 
 circle, he cannot be brought to consider the danger as 
 real, or to guard, in his choice of books and schools, 
 or of tutors for his children, against the first approach of 
 a misfortune, the growth of which no subsequent exercise 
 of authority can stop. 
 
 Every day brings out new instances in which the 
 clandestine machinations of the Jesuits have acquired 
 fresh converts, especially among the young and enthu- 
 siastic, charmed with superstitious illusions, satisfying 
 their consciences by voluntary privations, delighting in 
 the prostration of reason before imagination, and pleased 
 with the romantic idea, which originated in the days of 
 chivalry, that their reliance for Heaven rests on female 
 mediation. 
 
 To these attractions of Jesuitism is added the sight of 
 these splendidly-adorned images (many of them dressed 
 in old court-dresses) which a fervid mind almost endows 
 with life, the fragrant censers, the choral sounds, and 
 the fascinations of the priests themselves, concealed pro- 
 bably, quite incognito, under the characters of laymen, 
 with the most refined manners of society, the deepest 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 31 7 
 
 experience in human character, and an acuteness in 
 argument, practised and exercised with ceaseless diligence. 
 Instead of wondering if some victims be caught by such 
 wiles, the wonder is if any escape. 
 
 The house is in a bustle. Books gone — pictures pack- 
 ing — people surveying the house. This does look like 
 a change ! All my sacred corners — a naked house — no 
 longer a home ! Until I build up a corner elsewhere, 
 with my familiar things about me, I shall be like a bird 
 whose nest is in a boy's hat. I leave no enemy behind 
 me. Why, then, as they say, go ? Because there is a 
 time, and that time draws near. London is a place to live 
 in, but not to die in, 
 
 After an absence of thirty-two years from Edinburgh, 
 every remarkable object, every street and corner, brought 
 to my recollection some circumstance important to life, 
 and I seemed to walk in a city of tombs. I accused my- 
 self of romance, and found no one who would sympathise 
 or join in visiting old places, and seeing old faces, which 
 once were young ; and truly it is surprising the different 
 effect of years on different people. Often I feel as in a 
 dream ! The old stories and the old names — name, place, 
 and character the same — with younger faces, the girls in 
 the places of their mothers. Gratification there is, but 
 also pain, in looking back on the characters and lives of 
 many ; how easy is it to say why they did not succeed in 
 the game of life ! The manner, the propensity, or pas- 
 sion, pride, jealousy, bad temper, have reduced many 
 who might have risen, if measured by their abilities or 
 acquirements ; yet how difficult to change that one trait 
 on which all depends ! — Sir Charles Bell. 
 
318 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The object of a library is not so much to make books, 
 or readers of books, as to make students. Never is any real 
 benefit produced by reading for mere amusement. Cribbage, 
 with its " fifteen-twos, fifteen-fours, and a pair six," is an 
 intellectual amusement of nearly as much dignity as such 
 reading. The tempting facilities offered by public libraries, 
 like machinery in manufactures, increase production, at 
 the expense of the strength of the staple. The article is 
 not made for wear, but for the shop-window. Instead of 
 the pattern being woven in the damask-silk, which would 
 stand alone, it is printed on mock-muslin. It is not 
 enough to visit the bank of the stream, you must sail 
 down it ; and, unless the writer familiarises himself to 
 the whole course of the subjects of study, by going along 
 with them upwards and downwards, he will never feel 
 their true connection with each other, or enter into their 
 interest. 
 
 Give us the one dear book, cheaply picked from the 
 stall by the price of the dinner; thumbed and dog's- 
 eared; cracked in the back, and broken in the corner; 
 noted on the fly-leaf, and scrawled on the margin ; sullied 
 and scorched, torn and worn ; smoothed in the pocket, 
 and grimed on the hearth; damped by the grass, and 
 dusted amongst the cinders ; over which you have dreamt 
 in the grove, and dosed before the embers ; but read 
 again, again, and again, from cover to cover. It is by 
 this one book, and its three or four single successors, 
 that more real cultivation has been imparted, than by all 
 the myriads which bear down the mile-long, bulging, 
 bending shelves of the Bodleian. — Quarterly Review. 
 
 As for Catholic emancipation, I am not a bigot in 
 religious matters, nor a friend to persecution; but if a 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 319 
 
 particular sect of religionists are ipse facto connected 
 with foreign politics, and placed under the spiritual direc- 
 tion of a class of priests, whose unrivalled dexterity and 
 activity are increased by the rules which detach them 
 from the rest of the world, I humbly think that we may 
 be excused from entrusting to them those places in the 
 state where the influence of such a clergy, who act under 
 the direction of a passive tool of our worst foe, is likely 
 to be attended with the worst consequences. If a gentle- 
 man chooses to walk about with a couple of pounds of 
 gunpowder in his pocket, if I give him the shelter of my 
 roof, I may at least be permitted to exclude him from the 
 seat next the fire. — Sir Walter Scotfs Life, vol. ii, 
 p. 134. 
 
 When Lord Cobham was led forth to the form of trial 
 which preceded his execution, nothing shook the con- 
 stancy of his resolved mind, but the taunts and mockery 
 of the brutal audience somewhat disturbed his equanimity, 
 and moved in him the noblest emotion recorded in his- 
 tory. 
 
 Arundel begun the tragedy by offering him absolution 
 if he would humbly beg it of the Church. 
 
 " Nay, forsooth, will I not," he replied, " for I never 
 yet trespassed against you." Then kneeling on the pave- 
 ment, and holding up his hands towards heaven, he 
 exclaimed: "I shrive me here unto Thee, my eternal, 
 living God, that in my youth I offended Thee, Lord, 
 most grievously in pride, wrath, gluttony, and covetous- 
 ness ! God, I ask Thee mercy \" Then standing up, he 
 said with a mighty voice : " Lo, good people ! for the 
 breaking of God's law and His commandments they never 
 
320 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 yet cursed me; but for their own laws and traditions 
 most cruelly do they handle both me and other men; 
 and therefore both they and their laws, by the promise of 
 God, shall utterly be destroyed." — Southey. 
 
 During the eighteen years that Mr. Manners Sutton 
 was Speaker, he was only two nights absent from his 
 post. One of these occasions was on the death of his 
 father, and the other on the death of his mother. 
 
 The Jesuits not allowed to justify themselves even if 
 falsely accused : 
 
 It happened that the pious and learned Jerome Platus, 
 whilst he was Master of Novices, thinking Aloysius's per- 
 petual application to prayer and study prejudicial to his 
 health, ordered him to spend, in conversing with others 
 after dinner, not only the hour allotted for all, but also 
 the half-hour longer which is allotted to those who dined 
 at the second table. Father Minister, not knowing this 
 order, punished him for it, and obliged him publicly to 
 confess his fault, which he underwent without offering any 
 excuse. The Minister, learning afterwards how the matter 
 was, admired very much his silence, but, for his greater 
 merit, enjoined him another penalty for not telling him 
 the order of his master. — Butler's Saints 3 Lives — Aloys. 
 
 It is surely as much a falsehood to let yourself be 
 thought guilty when innocent, as to pretend innocence 
 when guilty. Both are lies. 
 
 In Bath, after Prior College was consumed by fire, 
 circulars were issued promising to every one who contri- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 321 
 
 buted five guineas towards the rebuilding, mass offered up 
 for himself or his friends in Purgatory once a day ; to 
 every one who contributed one guinea, a mass once 
 a week ; and to every one who contributed a sum below 
 a guinea, remembrance in the general prayers of the 
 faithful. — Cumming's Lectures, p. 87. 
 
 On the 26th day of February, 1546, the Governor and 
 Cardinal, with the Earl of Argyll, Justice-General of 
 Scotland, condemned to death and caused to be hung four 
 honest men for eating a goose in Lent. Likewise they 
 caused to be drowned a young woman, because she would 
 not pray to our Lady and other saints. — Chronicles of 
 Scotland, by Lindsay of Pitscottie, vol. ii, p. 453. 
 
 Sigourr's work, recommended by Cardinal Wiseman, 
 contains things connected with the confession of sins so 
 horrible, so atrocious, so pestilential, so offensive to every 
 sense of delicacy, and every feeling of religion, that their 
 horribleness is their only and impenetrable shelter. I 
 dare not read them. — Cumming's Lectures, p. 55. 
 
 Contrast of the Romish and Apostolic Churches. From 
 Dr. Cumming's Lectures, p. 135. 
 
 The Apostolic Church said, " Tie break our bread ;" 
 the Romish Church says — we break no bread at all, for 
 the communion element ceases to be bread, and becomes 
 flesh and blood. 
 
 The Apostolic Church said, " Bodily exercise profiteth 
 little" The Church of Rome says it profiteth much, for 
 
 p3 
 
322 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 in the sacrament of penance, it leads to the forgiveness 
 of sins. The Apostolic Church said, " Scripture is pro- 
 fitable for all" The Romish Church says, " It is not 
 profitable to the laity ; the fourth rule of the Council of 
 Trent, containing these words, that ' inasmuch as greater 
 evil than good results from the indiscriminate perusal of 
 the Scriptures/ the laity are forbidden to have them, 
 except with the written permission of the Bishop or 
 inquisitor."" Again the Apostolic Church said, " Prove all 
 things ;" the Romish Church says, " Prove nothing, but 
 believe everything." The Apostolic Church said, " Marriage 
 is honourable in all ;" the Romish Church says u marriage 
 is not honourable in priests." The Apostolic said, 
 "A Bishop must be the husband of one wife;" the 
 Romish Church says, u He must be the husband 
 of no wife at all." The Apostolic Church said, 
 "The wages of sin is death;" the Romish Church 
 says (as every Roman Catholic will find in the well- 
 known Catechism, called the " Abridgment of Christian 
 Doctrine,") " Venial sin is a light offence, such as the 
 stealing of an apple or a pin, which does n<# break 
 charity between man and man, much less between man 
 and God." The illustration here derived from an apple, 
 one cannot help remarking is a most unfortunate one, 
 for it was stealing an apple that 
 
 Brought death into the world and all our woe. 
 
 The Apostolic Church said, " There is one sacrifice 
 once for all, for the sins of all that believe ;" the Romish 
 Church says, " There are many sacrifices, and many 
 priests, always trying and never able to take away sin," 
 &c, &c. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 323 
 
 When the Honourable Mr. Luttrell, M.P., disowned in 
 a Parliamentary speech any intention to "clog the 
 wheels" of Lord North's government, that singularly 
 good-humoured Premier said in reply : "So far am I 
 from entertaining the most distant idea of the honourable 
 member's clogging the wheels of government, that I am 
 persuaded he no more clogs them than the fly in the 
 fable, who, sitting on the chariot-wheel, thought she 
 raised the dust with which she was surrounded ; whereas, 
 poor innocent thing, she fixed where she had a right to 
 fix, and did not in the least incommode either the action of 
 the wheels, or the quiet of the person w T ho rode within- 
 side." 
 
 " A Scotch kirk, with its short spire, such as we see in 
 the parish churches near Abbotsford," said Sir Walter 
 Scott, " always looks to me like a little hump-backed man 
 with a walking-stick thrust down his back. - " — Dean 
 Ramsay's Architectural Essay. 
 
 " It was early seen in the Revolution," said Louvet, 
 " that the men with poniards would sooner or later carry 
 the day against the men with principles, and that the latter 
 upon the first reverse, must prepare for exile or death." — 
 Alison's Europe, vol. i, p. 432. 
 
 Napoleon said of the Bourbons, after the Restoration : 
 " lis n'ont rien appris, ils n'ont rien oublie !" — Alison, 
 p. 814. 
 
324 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Lord Wilmington observed of the Duke of Newcastle, 
 the Prime Minister : " He loses half an hour every morn- 
 ing, and runs after it during all the day, without being 
 able to overtake it." — George Selwyn's Memoirs, vol. vii, 
 p. 284. 
 
 The late Lord Carlisle said : ec In private life I never 
 knew any one interfere with other people's disputes but 
 that he heartily repented of it." — Selwyn's Memoirs, 
 vol. iii, p. 299. 
 
 Lord Mansfield, being on circuit in a rural district, a 
 poor woman was indicted before him for witchcraft. The 
 inhabitants of the place were furiously exasperated against 
 her. Some witnesses deposed that they had seen her 
 walk in the air, with her feet upwards and her head 
 downwards ! Lord Mansfield heard the evidence with 
 great solemnity, and perceiving the temper of the people, 
 whom it would not have been prudent to irritate, he thus 
 addressed them in a speech which at once appeased the 
 whole auditory : " I do not doubt, since you have all seen 
 it, that this woman has walked in the air, with her feet 
 upwards and her head downwards ; but she has the honour 
 to be born in England as well as you and I, and conse- 
 quently cannot be judged but by the laws of the country, 
 nor punished but in proportion as she has violated them. 
 Now I know not one law that forbids walking in the air 
 with the feet upwards. We have all a right to do it with 
 impunity. I see no reason, therefore, for this prosecution, 
 and this poor woman may return home when she pleases." 
 — Life of Lord Mansfield. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 325 
 
 Monsieur Constant said, after hearing some tedious 
 orators speak at great length in favour of sinecures : 
 " They economize neither money nor words. " 
 
 When some gentlemen were discussing the ability of 
 Mr. , a very dull M.P. who spoke often in Parlia- 
 ment, one of the party said : " I have heard an oyster 
 speak better fifty times." 
 
 Dr. Parr, playing once at whist with a very unskilful 
 partner, impatiently exclaimed, after losing every point : 
 " How was it possible for me to win, when I had three 
 adversaries." 
 
 The celebrated Dr. Blair, having been entrusted to 
 select a tutor for the late Sir John Sinclair, appointed 
 that pleasing poet and eminent divine, Dr. Logan, to the 
 situation, whose speech and manners were not so refined 
 as his diction. Sir John's mother, Lady Janet Sinclair, 
 apprehensive that her son might catch in some degree 
 the rusticity and uncouthness of his talented preceptor, 
 stated to Dr. Blair her anxiety to place her son in other 
 hands. The accomplished professor of rhetoric, however, 
 took a different view of the matter : " Your Ladyship," 
 said he, " in selecting a tutor for your son, should prefer 
 a scholar to a dancing-master." — Archdeacon Sinclair s 
 Memoir of Sir J. Sinclair, vol. i, p. 15. 
 
326 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The Tower Ghost. Communicated by Sir David 
 Brewster to Professor Gregory. See " Letters on Animal 
 Magnetism/' p. 494 : 
 
 At the trial of Queen Caroline* in 1821, the guards of 
 
 the Tower were doubled; and Colonel S , the keeper 
 
 of the Regalia, was quartered there with his family. 
 Towards twilight one evening, and before dark, he, his 
 wife, son and daughter, were sitting, listening to the 
 sentinels, who were singing and answering one another/ 
 on the beats above and below. The evening was sultry, 
 and the door stood ajar, when something suddenly rolled 
 
 in through the open space. Colonel S at first 
 
 thought it was a cloud of smoke, but it assumed the 
 shape of a pyramid of dark, thick gray, with something 
 
 working towards its centre. Mrs. S saw a form. 
 
 Miss S felt an indescribable sensation of chill and 
 
 horror. The son sat at the window, staring at the 
 terrified and agitated party, but saw nothing. Mrs. 
 
 S threw her head down upon her arms on the table 
 
 and screamed. The Colonel took a chair, and hurled it 
 at the phantom, through which it passed. The cloud 
 seemed to him to revolve round the room, and then 
 disappear, as it came, through the door. He had scarcely 
 risen from his chair to follow, when he heard a loud 
 shriek, and a heavy fall at the bottom of the stair. He 
 stopped to listen, and in a few minutes the guard came 
 up and challenged the poor sentry, who had been so 
 lately singing, but who now lay at the entrance in a 
 swoon. The Serjeant shook him rudely, declared he was 
 asleep at his post, and put him under arrest. Next day, 
 the soldier was brought to a court-martial, when Colonel 
 
 S- appeared on his behalf, to testify that he could not 
 
 have been asleep, for that he had been singing, and the 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 327 
 
 ColoneFs family had been listening, ten minutes before. 
 The man declared that, while walking towards the stair- 
 entrance, a dreadful figure had issued from the door- 
 way, which he took at first for an escaped bear on its 
 hind legs. It passed him, and scowled upon him with a 
 human face, and the expression of a demon, disappearing 
 over the Barbican. He was so frightened that he became 
 giddy, and knew no more. His story of course was not 
 credited by his judges, but he was believed to have had 
 an attack of vertigo, and was acquitted and released on 
 Colonel S 's evidence. 
 
 That evening Colonel S went to congratulate the 
 
 man, but he was so changed that he did not know him. 
 From a glow of rude health in his handsome face, he had 
 become of the colour of bad paste. Colonel S — — said 
 to him : 
 
 " Why do you look so dejected, my lad ? I think 
 I have done you a great favour in getting you off; and 
 I would advise you in future to continue your habit of 
 singing." 
 
 "Colonel," replied the sentry, "you have saved my 
 character, and 1 thank you ; but as far as anything else, 
 it little signifies. From the moment I saw that infernal 
 demon, I felt I was a dead man." 
 
 He never recovered his spirits, and died next day, 
 forty-eight hours after he had seen the spectre. Colonel 
 
 S had conversed with the serjeant about it, who 
 
 quietly remarked : 
 
 "It was a bad job, but he was only a recruit, and must 
 get used to it like the rest." 
 
 "What!" said Colonel S , "have you heard of 
 
 others seeing the same ?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," answered the serjeant, "there are many 
 
328 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 queer, unaccountable things seen here, I assure you, and 
 many of our recruits faint a time or two, but they get 
 used to it, and it don't hurt them." 
 
 Mrs. S never got used to it. She remained in a 
 
 state of dejection for six weeks, and then died. Colonel 
 
 S — was long in recovering from the impression, and 
 
 was reluctant to speak of it ; but he said he would never 
 deny the thing he had seen. 
 
 When Handel once undertook in a crowded church 
 to play the dismissal on a very fine organ there, the 
 whole congregation became so entranced w r ith delight, 
 that not an individual could stir, till at length the usual 
 organist came impatiently forward himself, and took his 
 seat, saying in a tone of acknowledged superiority : 
 
 " You cannot dismiss a congregation ! See how soon 
 I can disperse them." 
 
 When a gentleman once remarked in company how 
 very liberally those persons talk of what their neighbours 
 should give away, who are least apt to give anything 
 themselves, Sidney Smith replied : 
 
 "Yes! no sooner does A fall into difficulties than B 
 begins to consider what C ought to do for him." 
 
 A kind and worthy man, one of the City missionaries 
 now in London, has endeared himself to the whole of his 
 district, and especially to the younger population. One 
 evening, having put on a new coat, he went, about dusk, 
 through a remote street, and was instantly marked as a 
 victim by a rapacious little pickpocket. The urchin did 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 329 
 
 not know him in his new attire, and therefore, without 
 hesitation relieved his pockets of their contents. The 
 missionary did not discover his loss, nor the boy his 
 friend, until, in his flight, he had reached the end of the 
 street. He then looked round, and recognized, in the 
 distance, his kind teacher, and he instantly ran back to 
 him in breathless haste, exclaiming : " Holloa, Sir ! is it 
 you ? I did not know you in your new coat ; here's 
 your handkerchief for you !" 
 
 Mr. Wellesley Pole used to say that it was impossible to 
 live like a gentleman in England under forty thousand 
 a-year ; and Mr. Brummel told a lady, who asked him 
 how much she ought to allow her son for dress, that it 
 might be done for eight hundred a-year, with strict 
 economy. 
 
 A curious instance of second-sight and fortune-telling 
 occurred about fifty years ago to the late Countess of 
 Moray. She was a girl about twelve years old, the 
 daughter of Mr. Lockhart, of Carnwatt, in Lanarkshire, 
 when a gipsey announced to her that she would be twice 
 greatly married ; that she would shortly before her death 
 pass through a forest newly cut down, and that she would 
 be driven in a carriage drawn by a piebald horse to the 
 house where her fate would be sealed. In due course of 
 time, Miss Lockhart married first the Earl of Aboyne ; 
 then the Earl of Moray. About the time of her death she 
 paid some visits in the Highlands, and unexpectedly 
 passed through the forest of Glenmore when it was falling 
 beneath the axe ; but as she travelled with her own four 
 horses, there seemed little danger of the piebald horse 
 
330 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 appearing. Next morning, however, the coachman inti- 
 mated that one of the horses had suddenly died in the 
 night, and that he had been obliged to borrow another in 
 the neighbourhood. When the carriage came round, 
 the new leader was a piebald horse, which drew the 
 Countess to Culloden House, where she was taken ill, and 
 after a short illness expired. — Daily Records. 
 
 M. Ostewald, the French banker, who died in 1790, 
 worth one hundred and twenty-five thousand pounds, first 
 began to make his fortune by carrying home from a 
 tavern every night, all the bottle corks he could collect, 
 and after continuing this during eight years, he sold the 
 collection for twelve louis-d'ors. 
 
 The mock doctor in Moliere's farce, having cured a 
 man's daughter supposed to be dumb, she exercises her 
 tongue so fluently that the father offers him a second fee 
 to take from her the power of speech again. " Impos- 
 sible V 9 replies the doctor • " I cannot do that ; but if 
 you please I could undertake to make you deaf \* 
 
 Letter of President Adams, inviting Sir John Sinclair 
 to the United States : 
 
 This is the only rising country in the world, and it 
 rises with a rapidity that outstrips all calculation. If 
 you, Sir John, will do us the honour to come and see us, 
 you will be treated with a cordial civility (notwithstanding 
 your title), and no man shall be more happy to see you 
 than, Sir, your most obedient servant, John Adams. — 
 Archdeacon Sinclair's Memoir of his Father, vol. i, 
 p. 335, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 331 
 
 Wilkes, though virulent to Tories and to Scotsmen, 
 said, when conversing with Sir John Sinclair on the 
 prominent peculiarities of the leading speakers in the 
 House of Commons : " Fox has most logic ; Burke most 
 fancy ; Sheridan most real wit ; Pitt excels in command of 
 words and ingenuity of argument; but Dundas (Lord 
 Melville), with all the disadvantage of being a Scotsman, 
 is our greatest orator. There is much sound sense and 
 no rubbish in his speeches I" — Archdeacon Sinclair's 
 Memoir of his Father. 
 
 The converts to Romanism have gone to a Church in 
 which men pray to saints with the same form of words in 
 which they pray to God ; a Church in which men are taught 
 to worship images with the same worship with which they 
 worship God and Christ, or him or her, whose image it 
 may be; to a C urch in which they may be absolved 
 from their vows to God, their oaths to the Sovereign, 
 their promises to man, and in some cases their duty to 
 their parents. They are gone to a Church which pretends 
 to be infallible, and yet is infinitely deceived in many 
 particulars, and endures no contradiction, and is impa- 
 tient if her children inquire into anything her priests 
 obtrude. They are gone from receiving a whole sacra- 
 ment to a mutilated rite ; from Christ's institution to a 
 human invention ; and from ancient traditions to new 
 pretences ; from confidence in God to rely upon creatures ; 
 and from entire dependence upon inward acts to the 
 dangerous temptation of resting too much in outward 
 ministries, and in the external work of sacraments and 
 sacramentals. They are gone from a Church of which 
 the worship is simple, Christian, apostolic, to a Church 
 
332 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 where men's consciences are laden with a burden of cere- 
 monies greater than that which pressed so intolerably on 
 the children of Israel. — Bishop Taylor. 
 
 From the Rev. T. Scott's Life : 
 
 I cannot but wonder to think of my former castle- 
 building frame of mind, when, with eager hopes and 
 sanguine expectations, I was forming schemes of satisfy- 
 ing and durable happiness in such a vain uncertain 
 world. My dreams and visions are now vanished 
 like a morning cloud. I find now that neither riches, 
 nor preferment, nor reputation, nor pleasure, nor any 
 worldly good can afford that happiness I was seeking. 
 I bless the Lord I did not discover the cheat nor lose the 
 shadow before I found the substance. I did not discover 
 all else to be vanity and vexation of spirit until I found 
 out that to fear God and keep His commandments is the 
 whole of man. Oh ! how many thousands, that (like 
 him in the Bible, who never lifted up his eyes till in hell) 
 never find their sad mistake till it is too late. 
 
 Dr. Babington related that, after having been many 
 years from Ireland, an irresistible desire again to see his 
 native soil, made him determine, during a certain vaca- 
 tion, to revisit it, and off he set alone on his expedition. 
 From the route which he had taken, in order to reach his 
 native village, it was necessary for him to cross a river by 
 a ferry. Years before, he had passed at this spot a thou- 
 sand times, and as he sat in the boat, vivid recollections 
 of his youth recurred, filling his mind with mingled senti- 
 ments of pleasure and pain. After some minutes' silence, 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 333 
 
 he inquired of the ferryman if he had known Mr. Babing- 
 ton, the former rector of the place. 
 
 u Did I know him, is it you ask ? — is it Mr. Babington 
 you ask me if I knew ? Faith, and I did; for the kindest 
 of men he was to us all." 
 
 " He was my father/' said Dr. Babington. 
 
 " Was he !" exclaimed Paddy, wrought up to a pitch of 
 enthusiasm. " Then I'll take you nearer to the falls than 
 any man ever showed his nose before I" 
 
 At once, in accordance with his complimentary inten- 
 tion 5 he set himself vigorously to work, and the boat 
 rapidly neared the dangerous torrent. The consternation 
 of Dr. Babington, as may be readily expected, was much 
 greater than his gratitude for this act of kindness, and he 
 exclaimed : 
 
 " I think, my dear man, you cannot show a greater 
 attachment to my father's son, than by just taking me in 
 the opposite direction." 
 
 After much demurring, the course of the boat was 
 changed and the Doctor was landed on the opposite 
 shore. — Memoirs of Sir Astley Cooper. 
 
 Epitaph on General Wolfe : 
 
 Let not a tear upon his grave be shed, 
 The common tribute to the common dead ; 
 But let the good, the pious and the brave, 
 With noble envy sigh for such a grave. 
 
 Hannah More mentions the very interesting last hours 
 of a young friend of her own whom she attended, and 
 describes her as having been previously shy, reserved, 
 
334 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 cold, and so hesitating in her natural manner, that few 
 ever discovered as she did the accomplished mind hid 
 beneath so thick a veil of humility ; but during eighteen 
 days that she knew herself to be given over by the doc- 
 tors, she acquired, in so near a view of eternity, a sort 
 of righteous courage, an animated manner, and a ready 
 eloquence, which shone with lustre to the last night of 
 her life. She observed that it was a strange situation to 
 be an inhabitant of no world ; for she had done with this, 
 and was not yet permitted to enter upon a better ; and on 
 the night in which she died, she summoned all her friends 
 round her, and said, with an energy of spirit quite unlike 
 herself : 
 
 " Be witnesses, all of you, that I bear my dying testi- 
 mony to my Christian profession. I am divinely sup- 
 ported, and have almost a foretaste of heaven. Oh ! this 
 is not pain, but pleasure." 
 
 A Danish prince once undertook, for a bet, to cast 
 anchor in the whirlpool of Corryvreken, but perished 
 there. 
 
 When the late Queen of Prussia died, the King's 
 despairing exclamation was : 
 
 (t Had she belonged to any other, she would have 
 lived ; but because she is mine, she must die." — Russell's 
 Travels. 
 
 The Emperor Paul once gave a splendid review, at 
 which he prohibited any but generals to be present. 
 Mr. Dunning went to it as Attorney-general. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 335 
 
 Frederick the Great and Marshal Loudon were often 
 opposed to each other in battle, but at the peace, the 
 King asked him to a splendid entertainment, and observ- 
 ing that the Marshal was going to place himself on the 
 opposite side of the table, desired him to sit by him, 
 saying : " I prefer having the Marshal by my side, rather 
 than vis-a-vis" 
 
 When I look around upon a busy, bustling world^ 
 eagerly pursuing vanity and courting disappointment, 
 neglecting nothing so much as the one thing needful; 
 and who, in order to have their portion in this life, 
 disregard the world to come, and only treasure up wrath 
 against the day of wrath ; it makes me think of a farmer, 
 who should, with vast labour, cultivate his lands, and 
 gather in his crop, and thresh it out, and separate the 
 corn from the chaff, and then sweep the corn out upon 
 the dunghill, and carefully lay by the chaff. Such a 
 person would be supposed mad ; but how faint a shadow 
 would this be of his madness, who labours for the meat 
 that perishes, but neglects that which endureth unto 
 everlasting life. It is a madness the whole race of men 
 labour under, unless, and until divine grace works the 
 cure. — Life of Rev. T. Scott, 
 
 George the Second's daughter, Princess Amelia, was so 
 ambitious, that one day telling the Queen how much she 
 lamented having brothers, she said, " she could die to- 
 morrow, to be Queen to-day." Such a person would have 
 said, like Milton's Satan : u Better to reign in hell, than 
 serve in heaven." 
 
336 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Frederick, Prince of Wales, was very indignant at his 
 brother, the Duke of Cumberland being appointed to 
 lead the army against Prince Charles, and when the Royal 
 army lay before Carlisle, the Prince ordered for his dessert 
 one day, a representation of the citadel of Carlisle, in 
 paste, which he and the maids of honour bombarded with 
 sugar-plums. 
 
 Chateaubriand said, that if the cocked hat and surtout 
 of Napoleon were placed on a stick on the shores of 
 Brest, it would cause Europe to run to arms from one end 
 to the other. — Alison, p. 842. 
 
 I lament much that there is so little spirit of intercession 
 amongst the professors of religion. If ever it became 
 general, religion would spread in families, as fire in a 
 sheaf. u Where two agree on earth as touching anything 
 that they ask, it shall be done for them."" Try the 
 experiment . . . Though it is very proper to drop a word 
 now and then, yet I would advise you to be sparing in 
 it, as it will be misconstrued into assuming and preaching. 
 Meekness, attention, affection, and every expression of 
 honour and respect; a mixture of seriousness and cheer- 
 fulness (which be sure you aim at — nothing prejudices 
 more than an appearance of melancholy) now and then a 
 pertinent text of Scripture ; a hint dropped and oppor- 
 tunities watched, when people are more willing to hear 
 than at other times ; this, accompanied with many prayers, 
 is the line I would mark out, but the Lord giveth wisdom. 
 —Life of Rev. T. Scott. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 337 
 
 Biding, one day, with Mr. Commissary Marriott, the 
 Duke of Marlborough was overtaken by a shower of 
 rain. The Commissary called for and obtained his cloak 
 from his servant, who was on horseback behind him. 
 The Duke also asked for his cloak; his servant not 
 bringing it, the Duke asked for it again; when the inan, 
 who was puzzling about the straps, answered him, in a 
 surly tone : 
 
 C( You must stay, if it rains cats and dogs, till I get 
 at it." 
 
 The Duke only turned to Marriott, saying : 
 
 " I would not be of that fellow's temper, for the world." 
 — Mrs. Thomson's Life of Sarah, Duchess of Marl- 
 borough, vol. ii, p. 230. 
 
 The Duke once wrote as follows to a friend : 
 
 " I am in very odd distress — too much ready-money. 
 
 I have now £100,000 dead, and shall have £50,000 more 
 
 next week." — Ibid, p. 330. 
 
 The Duchess of Marlborough having quarrelled with 
 her grand-daughter, Lady Anne Egerton, procured her 
 picture, of which she blackened the face over, and writing 
 on the frame, " She is much blacker within," placed it in 
 her own sitting-room, for the edification and amusement 
 of all visitors. — Ibid, vol. ii, p. 413. 
 
 The Duchess of Marlborough cut off her fair and 
 luxuriant hair, to provoke her husband, when he had one 
 day offended her. — Ibid, vol. ii,p. 429, 
 
338 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 The Duchess took the following method to defeat the 
 election of an Irish Peer for St. Alban's. His Lordship 
 had formerly written and printed a play, which was con- 
 demned. The Peer bought it up, but a few copies es- 
 caped being reclaimed, and were sold at a guinea a-piece. 
 Expensive as they were, the Duchess resolved to collect 
 all she could at that price. She was even at the . ex- 
 pense of having a second edition printed, and hundreds 
 of these being distributed among the electors, the scale 
 was turned against the nobleman, and he lost the election. 
 — Mrs. Thomson's Life of Sarah, Duchess of Marl- 
 borough, vol. ii, p. 469. 
 
 The Duchess having lain a great while ill without speak- 
 ing, her physicians said she must be blistered, or she would 
 die. She called out : " I won't be blistered, and I won't 
 die." — Ibid, vol. ii, p. 477. 
 
 The Duchess left £30,000 per annum to her grandson, 
 Lord John Spencer ; but the bequest was made void, if 
 ever he became surety for any one. — -Ibid, vol. ii, p. 504. 
 
 The proud Duke of Somerset married twice. His 
 second Duchess once tapped him familiarly on the 
 shoulder with her fan ; he turned rounds and with an 
 indignant countenance, said : 
 
 cc My first Duchess was a Percy, and she never took 
 such a liberty." — Ibid, vol. ii, p, 3 74. 
 
 The same Peer always intimated his commands to his 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 339 
 
 servants by signs, not vouchsafing to speak to them. 
 His children never sat down in his presence ; it was even 
 his custom, when he slept in the afternoon, to insist upon 
 one of his daughters standing on each side of him during 
 his slumber. On one occasion, Lady Charlotte Seymour 
 being tired, ventured to sit down, and he left her, in 
 consequence, £20,000 less than her sister. — Mrs. Thom- 
 son's Life of Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough, vol. ii, 
 p. 371. 
 
 The Prince of Saxe-Hildburghhausen, when retiring to 
 rest, had men posted, who pulled off his wig and clothes, 
 so that he was ready for his bed by the time he got to the 
 door of his bedchamber.— Sivinburne's Letters, vol. i, 
 p. 340. 
 
 One day, when Prince Kaunitz carried his portfolio to 
 the Empress (Maria Theresa) she began to upbraid him 
 with the scandal of his conduct. " Madame," said he, 
 "je suis venu ici pour parler des affaires de votre Majeste, 
 non des niiennes."— J6ifl?, p. 362. 
 
 When the Grand Duke Leopold was to be married at 
 Inspruck, to the King of Spain's daughter, Prince Kaunitz 
 went thither beforehand, to see that everything was in 
 order for the fete. The Opera, among the rest, engaged 
 his attention, and he questioned Gliick about it. The 
 composer assured him that the performers, singers^ and 
 decorations, were perfect. 
 
 " Well, then," said the Prince, " let us have the Opera 
 directly." 
 
 q2 
 
340 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 " How !" exclaimed Gluck, " without an audience ?" 
 u Monsieur Gluck/' lie replied, " sachez que la qualite 
 
 vaut bien la quantite ; je suis moi seul une audience/' — 
 
 Life of Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough. 
 
 Louis XIV. said: "L'etat, c'est moi! 5 ' 
 
 When Pius VII. visited the Imperial printing-offices, 
 one of the workmen was ill-bred enough to keep on 
 his hat in the presence of his Holiness. A murmur 
 of disapprobation arose among the crowd, which the Pope 
 observing, stepped forward, and said, with the most bene- 
 volent aspect: "Uncover yourself, young man, that I 
 may give you my benediction: no one was ever the 
 worse of the blessing of an old man." — Bourrienne, vol. vi, 
 p. 227. 
 
 No man more frequently quoted, or referred to, Adam 
 Smith, than Fox, but he had never read " The Wealth of 
 Nations." — Alison's Europe, vol. ii, p. 717. 
 
 General Avitabile, the Governor of Peshawur, under 
 the Maharajah of the Punjaub, had a singular manner of 
 making himself acquainted with public grievances. From 
 the back of his house, a case like a letter-box was lowered 
 •by a chain into the street. Above it was an inscription 
 -in the native tongue, to the effect that whosoever had any 
 grievance or petition, should drop it into this box; it was 
 "drawn up at night, and the contents submitted to the 
 general's consideration, who kept the key himself. — Allen 
 <on Scinde, 362. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 341 
 
 When Sir Samuel Romilly was making £12,000 a-year 
 at the bar, the seventh day of rest was never broken in 
 upon by his labours.— Alison's Europe, vol viii, p. 68. 
 
 Bonaparte boasted that his dynasty would soon be the 
 oldest in Europe. — Ibid, vol. ix, p. 291. 
 
 When Lord Holland was dying, George Selwyn called 
 at Holland House, and left his card. It was carried to 
 the dying statesman. Glancing at it for a moment, he 
 observed with a mournful pleasantry : cc If Mr. Selwyn 
 calls again, shew him up ; if I am alive I shall be de- 
 lighted to see him ; and if I am dead he would like to see 
 me/ ; — Selivyn's Memoirs, vol. iii, p. 50. 
 
 The Abbe Raynal presented himself at the bar of the 
 National Assembly, and sternly and fearlessly remon- 
 strated with that dreaded tribunal on the rash and iniquitous 
 course which they were pursuing. The line of arguments 
 which he adopted was sufficiently curious. One of his 
 principal charges against the Assembly was : " That they 
 had literally followed his principles ; that they had re- 
 duced to practice the reveries and abstracted ideas of a 
 philosopher, without having previously adapted and 
 accommodated them to men, times, and circumstances." — 
 Ibid, p. 370. 
 
 When Cardinal Richelieu afforded to all succeeding 
 ages the model of a great and sagacious minister, his chief 
 solicitude was to be thought a good poet ; and he tortured 
 
342 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 himself to write wretched tragedies, which, after his death 
 were waste paper. — Tour of a German Prince, vol. ii, 
 p. 52. 
 
 When it was remarked to Sir Thomas Picton that it 
 was strange that his services had not been rewarded with 
 a peerage, he answered : "■ Put your coronet into a battery, 
 and I would get it as well as my neighbours." — Sir C. 
 Napier's Speech, 17 th April, 1844. 
 
 When Bishop Leighton was one day lost in meditation 
 in his own sequestered walk at Dumblane, a fair young 
 widow came up to him, and told him it was ordered that 
 he should marry her, for that she had dreamed thrice that 
 she was married to him. The Bishop answered : " Very 
 well, whenever I shall dream thrice that I am married 
 to you, I shall let you know, and then the union 
 will take place." — Mrs. Grant's Correspondence, vol. iii, 
 p. 78. 
 
 One evening, when two or three friends of Mrs. Fox 
 were drinking tea with her, in South Street, the door 
 opened, and Charles James came skipping into the room, 
 in most unusual spirits ; they were on the point of in- 
 quiring the cause, but he saved them the trouble by 
 exclaiming, as he continued his capers, which he cut all 
 round the room : " Great run, great run ! vingt-et-un ; 
 lucky dog ; to-morrow morning pay the Jews — pay them 
 all P Unfortunately for him, and for them too, it was 
 Friday night, which in the excess of his honesty and hap- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 343 
 
 piness, lie did not recollect. Of course, the next day no 
 Israelite would come for his cash; and that night the 
 monies were carried to the club, and there lost — the love 
 of powerful excitement, and the insatiable craving of the 
 gamester's heart overcoming that great man's better feel- 
 ings, and good but transient resolutions. — Life of Brum- 
 mell, vol. i, p. 168. 
 
 Great results sometimes proceed from small begin- 
 nings, and mighty causes are put into operation by trivial 
 incidents. This was exemplified in the case of that great 
 and good man, the late Rev. Lewis Way. He was one 
 day riding by the walls of a garden belonging to a certain 
 lady in the county of Devon, when some one said to him, 
 " That woman must have been a very peculiar character, for 
 she left a request in her will, that some of the trees in her 
 garden might not be cut down till the Jews were restored 
 to their own land/' This circumstance led that excellent 
 man to reflect upon the subject, and to read the Scrip- 
 tures with reference to the Jews; and as he read, his 
 mind became deeply impressed with the thought, that 
 they were emphatically the people of God; that they 
 were a people beloved for their fathers' sake, and that in 
 the Divine purposes they were destined to exhibit the 
 unchangeable faithfulness of Jehovah in their future 
 restoration to their own land, and in their conversion to 
 their own Messiah. Thus was the seed lodged in that 
 man's mind, which took deep root, and which has 
 already produced abundant fruit. He became the warm 
 and devoted friend of the " seed of Abraham," and by 
 his noble contribution of £10,000, was instrumental, in 
 the hands of Divine Providence, in preserving from ruin, 
 
344 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 and placing on a stable foundation that excellent insti- 
 tution, " The London Society for promoting Christianity 
 among the Jews." — Bannister's Palestine, p. 7. 
 
 The abolition of titles of honour in democratic com- 
 munities is the result, not of a contempt for, but an 
 inordinate desire for such distinctions ; they injure, when 
 enjoyed by a few, the self-love of those who do not 
 possess them; and since the majority cannot enjoy that 
 advantage, for if so, it would cease to be one, they are 
 resolved that none shall. — Alison, p. 629, 
 
 Burke talked of "that digest of anarchy, called the 
 Rights of Man."— Ibid, p. 346. 
 
 The stability of free constitutions arises from the 
 counteracting nature of the forces which they constantly 
 bring into action on each other, not the wisdom or 
 patriotism with which either party is animated. — Ibid, 
 p. 430. 
 
 Clement XIV. suppressed the Society of Jesuits in 
 1773, to the satisfaction of all Christendom. — M. de 
 Pombal, p. 87. 
 
 About that time, a law was made, restraining his most 
 faithful Majesty's subjects from charging their estates 
 with the payment of any sums of money for masses for 
 the souls of the dead. — P. 116. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 345 
 
 Read not to contradict and confute ; nor to believe and 
 take for granted ; nor to find talk and discourse : but to 
 weigh and consider. — Lord Bacon. 
 
 An overbearing traveller is a most insufferable com- 
 panion. Talk to bim of music, be cuts you short with a 
 history of the first singer at Naples. Of painting, he 
 rans you down with a description of the Florence Gallery. 
 Of architecture, and he overwhelms you with the 
 dimensions of the great church at Antwerp. Mention a 
 river, and he deluges you with the Rhine • or a hill, and 
 he makes you dizzy with the height of Etna. 
 
 Physical or military courage may be had for sixpence 
 a-day, but moral courage which leads us to act, or to 
 suffer with resolution, is very different, and very 
 superior. 
 
 The first English settlers in the West Indies were 
 frightened away by the fire-flies, for, seeing a number of 
 lights glancing among the trees, they supposed that the 
 Spaniards were advancing upon them, and took to their 
 ships. 
 
 Some Italian banditti having robbed a travelling carriage 
 in the Alps, seized the owner, Mr. Pendarvis, to be kept 
 as a hostage for some large ransom. His wife then 
 distractedly rushed out of the carriage, and threw her- 
 self into his arms, saying that nothing should separate 
 them, on hearing which, the robber chief, after giving a 
 
 q3 
 
346 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 glance at the lady, jestingly said, " Rather than be forced 
 to keep Mrs. Pendarvis, I would much prefer liberating 
 Mr. Pendarvis/' on saying which, he hurriedly thrust 
 them both back into the carriage, and hastily departed. 
 
 During the general depression in 1825, Lord Dudley 
 remarked to a friend, that his coal-mining income had 
 fallen off during one year thirty thousand pounds; "But," 
 added he, "I am a moderate man, and don't feel it. 
 Lord Durham, they tell me, has not bread V 3 — Quarterly 
 Review. 
 
 India House traditions mention, that when a young 
 aspirant for distinction there, requested one of the Chairs 
 to inform him what w T as the proper style of writing 
 political despatches, the Director made answer, " the style 
 we prefer is the hum-drum." 
 
 When the celebrated actor, Mathews, was under three 
 years old, he was shown to Garrick, who, taking him in 
 his arms, burst into a fit of laughter and said : " Why ! 
 his face laughs all over !" The boy soon became pre- 
 eminent as a mimic, and amused himself once in taking 
 off a man who daily walked the Strand, crying eels with a 
 gutteral voice — " threepence a-pound, e-e-e-e-e-e-ls" — 
 e-elongating the word, as Mathews describes, from Craven 
 to Hungerford Street, till people used to say, " What a 
 long eel f 9 The boy having mimicked him to the great 
 satisfaction of many auditors, including even his father, 
 was ambitious enough to court the approval of the original 
 himself, whom accordingly he one day awaited and 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 347 
 
 saluted with the imitation. But the itinerant had no 
 taste for mimicry, and placing his basket deliberately on 
 the ground, he hunted the boy into his father's shop, and 
 felled him with a gigantic blow, " Next time/' said the 
 angry man, ' i as you twists your little wry mouth about, and 
 cuts your mugs at a respectable tradesman, I'll skin you 
 like an e-e-e-1." Snatching up his basket, he finished the 
 monosyllable, about nine doors off. Lewis, when describing 
 Mathews, said : " He's the tallest man in the world, and 
 the funniest. He has no regular mouth, but speaks from 
 a little hole in his cheek." 
 
 A provincial newspaper, gives an account of a recent 
 hurricane, in these words : w It shattered mountains, tore 
 up oaks by the roots, dismantled churches, laid villages 
 waste, and overturned a hay-stack." 
 
 The agent for a charitable subscription having stopped 
 
 the Duke of to ask for contributions, his Grace 
 
 impatiently exclaimed : * Put me down for what you please, 
 but don't keep me standing here in the cold." 
 
 Captain Martin Scott, in the United States, was so 
 celebrated a shot, that even the animals became aware of 
 it. He went one morning with his rifle, and spying a 
 racoon upon the upper branches of a high tree, brought 
 his gun up to his shoulder, when the racoon perceiving it, 
 raised his paw up for a parley. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Mister," said the racoon, very 
 politely, " but may I ask if your name is Scott ?" 
 
 " Yes/' replied the Captain. 
 
348 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 " Martin Scott ?" continued the racoon. 
 
 " Yes/' replied the Captain. 
 
 " Captain Martin Scott V still continued the animal. 
 
 " Yes," replied the Captain. " Captain Martin Scott." 
 
 " Oh ! then/'* says the animal, " I may just as well 
 come down at once, Fm a gone 'coon," — American 
 Travels. 
 
 A gentleman was expatiating to Mr. Canning on the 
 merits of the French language, when he exclaimed in reply, 
 " Why, what on earth, Sir, can you say for a language 
 which has but one word for liking and loving, and puts a 
 fine woman and a joint of roast mutton on a par — c J'aime 
 Julie,- — J'aime un gigot/ " 
 
 When Madame Le Brun became a candidate for fame, 
 as an artist in London, on the strength of two bad 
 French portraits of the lioness of the day, Sir Joshua 
 Reynolds, with quiet, good-humoured irony, held the 
 following characteristic dialogue with Northcote : 
 
 Northcote. Pray, what do you think of them, Sir 
 Joshua ? 
 
 Reynolds. That they are very fine. 
 
 Northcote. How ! Fine ? . 
 
 Reynolds. As fine as those of any painter. 
 
 Northcote. Do you mean living or dead ? 
 
 Reynolds, (sharply). Either living or dead. 
 
 Northcote. What ! as fine as Vandyke ? 
 
 Reynolds. Yes, and finer." 
 
 Dr. Parr once politely told Lord Erskine, that his 
 admiration of him was such that he meant, should he 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 349 
 
 survive, to write his epitaph, when Erskine replied : u Such 
 a promise almost tempts me to commit suicide !" 
 
 Theodore Hook being asked what he meant to do 
 with a man who had grossly vilified him, replied : ft Do 
 with him ? Why I mean to let him alone most severely." 
 
 Dialogue between Dr. Abernethy and a lady who knew 
 his peculiar love of brevity and distinctness. 
 
 Patient holds out her finger. 
 
 Doctor. Cut? 
 
 Patient. Bite. 
 
 Doctor. Dog ? 
 
 Patient. Parrot. 
 
 Doctor. Go home and poultice. 
 
 Second day ; finger held out again. 
 
 Doctor. Better? 
 
 Patient. Worse. 
 
 Doctor. Poultice again. 
 
 Third day : 
 
 Doctor. Better? 
 
 Patient. Well! 
 
 Doctor. You're the most sensible woman I ever met. 
 Good bye. Get out. 
 
 Another time she shows her arm, saying : 
 
 " Burned !" 
 
 Doctor. I see it. 
 
 A lotion prescribed, and she returns the second day. 
 Shows her arm and says : 
 
 " Better." 
 
 Doctor. I know it. 
 
350 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Third day, again shows her arm, saying : 
 
 « Weil i" 
 
 Doctor. Any fool can tell that. What do you come 
 again for ? Get away. 
 
 When Victor Hugo was an aspirant for the honours of 
 the Academie, and called on the learned and accomplished 
 Royer Collard to ask his vote, the sturdy veteran in 
 literature professed an entire ignorance of his name. 
 
 " I am the author of ' Notre Dame de Paris/ ' Les 
 Derniers Jours d'un Condamne/ ' Marion Delorme/ 
 &c, &c." 
 
 " I never heard of any of them." 
 
 " Will you do me the honour of accepting a copy of 
 my works ?" 
 
 " I never read new books." 
 
 Exit Hugo ! 
 
 When Alderman Harley in a rage threatened Wilkes 
 that he would take the sense of the Livery on some 
 question, on which, as usual, they differed in opinion, 
 Wilkes laughed heartily, saying : " Do so, Mr. Harley, and 
 I will take their nonsense." 
 
 Sir Thomas Lawrence being consulted as to the proba- 
 bility of finishing a lady's picture at forty, which he had 
 begun at twenty, answered, with some humour : " Nothing 
 could be more easy ; I have only ta take off a ringlet, and 
 add a wrinkle for each intervening year, and the likeness 
 will continue as progressive as the lady." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 351 
 
 A traveller from the North of Europe, dining at a 
 London Club, called before dinner, for dried fish, cheese 
 and caviare; observing which, old Lord Muskerry exclaimed, 
 with humorous astonishment, u Why, there is a gentleman 
 eating his dinner backward l"_ 
 
 In the " Almanach des Gourmands," it is said, in recom- 
 mending a sauce : " Lorsque cette sauce est bien traitee, 
 elle ferait manger un elephant." 
 
 Count used to say, that as he could not 
 
 afford to keep a carriage, he was determined to have the 
 handsomest umbrella in Europe. 
 
 A prosing, tedious old gentleman, who had been tole- 
 rated occasionally in the country by George Selwyn, seeing 
 him hurrying past one day in London, stopped him, 
 saying : 
 
 " Surely you remember me ¥' 
 
 <c Yes !" answered Selwyn, breaking away, " and when 
 next we meet in the country, I shall be glad to renew the 
 acquaintance." 
 
 Edinburgh is entirely deserted now by the Scottish 
 nobility ; and no more Peers are to be met there than at 
 a republican town in the New World. A Scottish 
 gentleman, who had shown much hospitality in the 
 Northern metropolis to Sidney Snvth, said to him at 
 parting : 
 
352 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 " I am happy to think, how much you seem to have 
 enjoyed the society of Edinburgh." 
 
 " Yes !" replied Sidney Smith, " it always reminds 
 me of a game at whist, without any court cards." 
 
 John Clerk, Lord Eldin, when a young man, pleading a 
 case before the House of Lords, happened to say, in his 
 usual broad Scotch accent : 
 
 " In plain English, my Lords !" 
 
 " Or in plain Scotch, you mean," interrupted Lord 
 Eldon. 
 
 " No matter ! It is in plain common sense, my Lords," 
 continued the ready advocate, " and that's the same in 
 all languages." 
 
 A physician once boasted to Sir Henry Halford, saying : 
 u I was the first to discover the Asiatic cholera, and com- 
 municate it to the public !" 
 
 An Irishman telling Grattan of an officer who was 
 supposed to be deficient in courage, and that he never 
 fought, was answered : " But I know of his having fought 
 often, for he has, on many occasions, fought shy" 
 
 A gentleman of rather un-domestic habits being asked 
 his intentions about marrying a young lady whom he 
 greatly admired, hesitated some moments, and answered : 
 "■ But where should I spend my evenings ?" 
 
^ ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 353 
 
 Memory might be compared to a cistern, which retains 
 all that it receives ; but imagination to a spring, which 
 can never be exhausted. 
 
 When I am Czarina of some undiscovered region, one 
 of my first edicts shall be, that any of my subjects who 
 are incapable of being amused in a rational and elegant 
 way shall work hard from morning till night.— Mrs. 
 Grant. 
 
 Admiral Keppel was sent to the Dey of Algiers for the 
 purpose of negociating the restoration of some English 
 vessels which had been captured by the Dey's piratical 
 subjects. He is said to have advocated the cause en- 
 trusted to him with a warmth and spirit which completely 
 confounded the Dey's preconceived ideas of what was due 
 to absolute power. 
 
 " I wonder," said " he, at the King of England's inso- 
 lence in sending me such a foolish, beardless boy." 
 
 " Had my master," retorted Keppel, " considered that 
 wisdom was to be measured by the length of the beard, 
 he would have sent you a he-goat." — George Selwyn's 
 Memoirs, vol. iv, p. 144. 
 
 Writing of London, Sir Walter Scott says : u The im- 
 mense length of the streets separates the objects you are 
 interested in so widely from each other, that three-fourths 
 of your time are passed in endeavouring to dispose of the 
 fourth to some advantage." — Scott's Life, vol. ii, p. 393. 
 
 Twelve ships of the Spanish Armada were named after 
 the twelve Apostles. It was an article in the general 
 
354 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 instructions of the Spanish fleet, that every ship should 
 be supplied with a chest or cask full of stones, to hurl 
 down upon the boarders. — Barrow* s Life of Drake, 
 p. 271. 
 
 Ants use a species of aphides as cows, and regularly 
 milk them of the juices they gather on the leaves of the 
 ash-tree, which are their pasture. 
 
 Sharks are almost always attended by a couple of 
 cc pilot-fish," eight or nine inches long, of which very 
 interesting accounts are given ; there are also " sucking- 
 fish" generally fastened on their bodies (like the ichneu- 
 mons in insects), which live by suction. 
 
 Marmontel says, it may be doubted whether they are 
 most to blame who cease to please or who cease to be 
 pleased. 
 
 Occupation was one of the pleasures of Paradise, and 
 we cannot be happy without it. 
 
 A man who is always forgetting his best intentions may 
 be said to be a thoroughfare of good resolutions. 
 
 It is said that every man ought to think there is but 
 one good wife in the world, and that he is the happy pos- 
 sessor of that treasure. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 355 
 
 St. Patrick scooped out Loch Neagh, and having 
 thrown the mud into the Irish Channel,, created the Isle 
 of Man, which would, it is said, still fit exactly into the 
 basin of Loch Neagh, if replaced. 
 
 In working the quarries at Oreston to procure stones 
 for the Plymouth Breakwater, an extraordinary discovery 
 was made in the midst of the substrata. At the depth of 
 sixty-five feet from the surface, and twenty-five feet from 
 the margin of the sea, a nodule of clay, twenty-five feet 
 in length by about twelve feet thick, was imbedded in the 
 limestone. Enveloped in this clay were found the bones 
 of a rhinoceros, in a more perfect state than they have yet 
 been met with in any other place. — Devonshire Illus- 
 trated. 
 
 Sir G. Head mentions an effect of a very low tempera- 
 ture which he says is by no means unusual, viz., that the 
 clothes become charged with electric fluid, and emit 
 sparks. Even the comb which he passed through his hair 
 did the same. — Forest Scenes, p. 166. 
 
 The cloud of condensed vapour proceeding from the 
 Falls of Niagara is visible forty miles off. — Ibid, p. 175. 
 
 The great utility of the bark of the birch-tree is very 
 remarkable. Not only are the canoes, in which the 
 American Indians trust themselves on a lake sufficiently 
 
356 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 boisterous some miles from the shore, made of it, but also 
 all sorts of small cups and dishes. Besides it burns like 
 pitch ; splits into threads which serve for twine ; and the 
 flimsy part, near the outside, may be written upon in 
 pencil, making no bad substitute for paper. — Ibid, p. 283. 
 
 When Lord and Lady Aylmer were returning from 
 Canada in the 'Pique' (Captain Rous), there arose a 
 terrific storm, in which they were nearly lost ; but they 
 were unconscious till after they had landed that the great 
 danger arose from a, leak in the vessel, into which the 
 suction of the water drew an immense bag of biscuits, 
 which effectually and providentially stopped up the hole. 
 
 It is but to be able to say that they have been to such 
 a place, or have seen such a thing, that, more than any 
 real taste for it, induces the majority of the world to 
 incur the trouble and fatigue of travelling. — Marryatt's 
 America, vol. ii, p. 179. 
 
 Colonel Davidson says, after a bad day's sport : 
 " Candour compels me to acknowledge, that we 
 brought nothing but disappointment home with us." — 
 Davidson's Travels in India, vol. ii, p. 243. 
 
 Washington Irving says : 
 
 " Power attracts power, and fortune creates fortune. 
 — Conq. of Granada, vol. ii., p. 171. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 357 
 
 The same author says : 
 
 "An unfortunate death atones with the world for a 
 multitude of errors." — Ibid, p. 170. 
 
 The same author describes the people of Granada as 
 being at their wits' end to devise some new combination 
 or arrangement, by which an efficient government might 
 be wrought out of two bad kings. — Ibid, p. 280. 
 
 There is much danger in allowing talent to atone for 
 dangerous opinions. — Mrs. Grant's Letters, vol. ii, 
 p. 37. 
 
 Mrs. Grant says to a friend : 
 
 "You have relations to lose, whose value would be 
 trebled in your estimation, were you deprived of them." 
 ~Ibid, vol. ii, p. 72. 
 
 Brummell said : 
 
 « Were I to see a man and dog drowning together in 
 the same pond, and no one looking on, I would prefer 
 saving the dog." — Brummell' s Memoirs, vol. ii., p. 161. 
 
 Sir Robert Godschall hearing of a gentleman who 
 twice had the small-pox, and died of it, inquired with 
 anxiety : 
 
 t€ Did he die the first time or the second ?" 
 
 A gentleman who had been puzzling over a black letter 
 
358 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 copy of Chaucer at last threw it down in despair, saying 
 to Charles Lamb : 
 
 " In these old books, there is sometimes a great deal of 
 indifferent spelling." 
 
 It might be curious to know whether the pronunciation 
 of our ancestors was as different as their spelling from 
 modern times, and whether a man of the present day 
 could have understood the spoken more than the written 
 speech of his own ancestors. Probably not, but this is a 
 point that there is no means of proving either way. 
 
 A very arbitrary member of the Club was asked 
 
 one day what had become of the committee which had 
 been appointed to assist him in managing it. He avoided 
 as long as possible making any reply, but on the question 
 being pressed, he answered : 
 
 " I found they were all unanimous against me, so I 
 abolished the committee." 
 
 During the horrors of the French Revolution, a man 
 who kept a menagerie at Paris had a tiger from Bengal, 
 of the largest species, commonly called the Royal Tiger. 
 But when everything royal became abolished, he was afraid 
 of a charge of incivism, and instead of " Tigre Royal," 
 put on his sign-board, " Tigre National." (An excellent 
 symbol of the spirit of the mob). — Scott's Napoleon. 
 
 Sterne, speaking of giving charity to a beggar, 
 wrote : 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 359 
 
 " I felt ashamed to think how much it was then, and 
 blush to think how little it was now." 
 
 A well-trained wit lays his plan like a general — fore- 
 sees the circumstances of the conversation— surveys the 
 ground and contingencies — and starts a question to draw 
 you into the ambuscade of his ready-made joke. — 
 Sheridan. 
 
 An undecided person often finds it a misfortune that 
 there are not three sides to a question. 
 
 When Talleyrand made a few days' tour in England, 
 he wrote this note to a gentleman connected with the 
 Treasury : 
 
 " My dear Sir, 
 "Would you give a short quarter of an hour, to 
 explain to me the financial system of your country ? 
 
 " Always yours, 
 
 " Talleyrand." 
 
 Aristotle describes a democracy as an aristocracy of 
 orators, sometimes interrupted by the monarchy of a 
 single orator. — Alison, p. 431. 
 
 When an Arab warrior fell in battle, it was said of him 
 that " the bird of life had fled from the nest of his brain." 
 
 An actual question asked at an Oxford examination : 
 
360 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ci Who dragged wlio round the walls of what V Also> 
 " Who were all the Prime Ministers coeval with Cardinal 
 Wolsey throughout Europe V 
 
 During the battle of Copenhagen, a Newfoundland 
 dog on board the ' Bellona/ kept on deck, running back- 
 ward and forward with so brave an anger, that he became 
 a greater favourite with the men than ever. When the 
 ship was paid off, after the peace of Amiens, the sailors 
 had a parting dinner on shore. Victor was placed in the 
 chair, and fed with roast beef and plum-pudding, and the 
 bill was made out in Victor's name. — Southey. 
 
 When Voltaire called on Congreve because he was a 
 great dramatic writer, the author said he wished to be 
 called on as a gentleman ; which elicited from his visitor 
 the sarcastic retort, " If you had been only a gentleman, 
 I never should have called on you at all !" 
 
 A saddler at Oxford having forgotten to which of his 
 customers he had sold a saddle, desired his clerk to 
 charge it in the bills of all his customers, and he afterwards 
 acknowledged, that two-and-thirty of them paid for it. 
 
 At the Tavistock Hotel all remarks by the waiters were 
 to be written down for the landlord on a slate, and one 
 morning he found this inserted among the rest : 
 
 " No. 23. Dead in his bed." 
 
 An American traveller having heard that English ser- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 361 
 
 vants in country houses expected a present, saw at a 
 gentleman's place where he visited, a watch-pocket hung 
 above his pillow, in bed, which he never doubted was 
 there to receive his contribution • therefore, he dropped 
 in a shilling. Great was his surprise on returning the 
 following year' to find his shilling still there. 
 
 Sidney Smith being annoyed one evening by the 
 familiarity of a young gentleman, who, though a new 
 acquaintance, was encouraged by tha Dean's jocular repu- 
 tation, to address him by his surname alone ; and hearing 
 him tell that he must go that evening to visit for the first 
 time the Archbishop of Canterbury, the reverend gentle- 
 man pathetically said : 
 
 u Pray don't clap him on the back and call him 
 ' Howley V " 
 
 When Kean played at Birmingham, for his own benefit, 
 the play of "A New Way to Pay Old Debts," he was 
 greatly irritated to see scarcely any spectators • and there- 
 fore, after pronouncing the last words of the comedy, 
 u Take her \" he suddenly added, "and the Birmingham 
 audience into the bargain." 
 
 In America, one rogue meeting another, asked him 
 what he had done that morning. " Not much," was the 
 reply, " Fve only realized this umbrella." 
 
 The Duchess of Newcastle, who wrote thirteen volumes 
 upon speculative subjects, inquired of the Bishop of Ches- 
 
362 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 ter, who had attempted to show the possibility of a voyage 
 to the moon, where she was to stop and bait, supposing 
 she were to undertake the journey. " Madam/ 5 replied 
 the Bishop, " of all people in the world, I should least 
 have expected that question from you, who have built so 
 many castles in the air, that you might slefep every night 
 in one of them." 
 
 At the recent dinner of a Provincial Law Society, the 
 president called upon the senior solicitor present to give 
 as a toast, the person whom he considered the best friend 
 of the profession ; on which he replied, tc Then I propose, 
 the man who makes his own will." 
 
 Lady ■ apologised for her extreme love of diamonds 
 and precious stones, saying : " They are the only bright 
 things which never fade." 
 
 Sir Astley Cooper desired his coachman to attend every 
 market morning at Smithfield, and purchase all the lame 
 young horses exposed for sale, which he thought might 
 possibly be convertible into carriage or saddle horses,, 
 should they recover from their defects. He was never to 
 give more than £7 for each, but £5 was the average price. 
 In this manner thirty or forty horses were sometimes 
 collected at Gadesbridge, his farm. On a stated morning 
 every week the blacksmith came up from the village, and 
 the horses were in successive order caught, haltered, and 
 brought to him for inspection. Having discovered the 
 cause of their lameness, he proceeded to perform whatever 
 seemed to him necessary for the cure. The improvement 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 363 
 
 produced in a short time by good feeding and medical 
 attendance, such as few horses before or since have 
 enjoyed, appeared truly wonderful. Horses which were 
 at first with difficulty driven to pasture, because of their 
 halt, were now with as much difficulty restrained from 
 running away. Even one fortnight at Gadesbridge would 
 frequently produce such an alteration in some of them, 
 that it required no unskilful eye in the former owner him- 
 self to recognise the animal which he had sold but a few 
 weeks before. Fifty guineas were paid for one of these 
 animals, which turned out a very good bargain, and Sir 
 Astley's carriage was for years drawn by a pair of horses 
 which together cost him only £12 10s. — Life of Sir 
 A. Cooper, vol. ii., p. 105. 
 
 A young Irish student at the Veterinary College, being 
 asked " If a broken-winded horse were brought to him for 
 cure, what he would advise," promptly replied : " To sell 
 him as soon as possible." 
 
 A clergyman, being applied to in less than a year after 
 his appointment to put a stove in the church, asked how 
 long his predecessor had been there, and when answered : 
 " Twelve years f J he said : 
 
 "Well, you never had a fire in the church during his 
 time." 
 
 " No, Sir," replied the applicants, "but we had fire in 
 the pulpit." 
 
 When Landseer exhibited a picture, which he called 
 " The Free Church," in which a great many shepherds' 
 
 r2 
 
364 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 dogs were introduced, according to the pastoral custom in 
 Scotland, beside their masters in the pew, a gentleman 
 said : " I suppose the clergyman will preach on dog- 
 matical theology." 
 
 The celebrated Edward Irving was a remarkably tall, 
 powerful-looking man, with a most portentous squint. 
 Having once hired a sitting-room for a week in a High- 
 land inn, he found on his return from a long walk four 
 or five young Englishmen established in his private apart- 
 ment. At first he spoke to them with great politeness, 
 but finding them incorrigibly insolent and saucy, he 
 turned to his travelling companion, as gigantic as himself, 
 and throwing up the sash, called out : " Hamilton ! will 
 you undertake the kicking down stairs, while I toss the 
 others out of the window !" In two seconds the English- 
 men had vanished. 
 
 Lessing, the German philosopher, being remarkably 
 absent, knocked at his own door one evening, when the 
 servant looking out of the window, and not recognizing 
 him, said : 
 
 " The Professor is not at home !" 
 
 " Oh ! very well !" replied Lessing composedly, walk- 
 ing away. " I shall call another time." 
 
 Dr. Abernethy used to tell his pupils that all human 
 maladies originate from two causes — "stuffing and fret- 
 ting !" 
 
 Dr. Garth being pressed to remain late at an agreeable 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 365 
 
 party, drew out the list of his engagements, amounting to 
 fifteen, and said : " It is no great matter, indeed, whether 
 I see them to-night or not. Nine have such bad consti- 
 tutions that all the physicians on earth cannot save them, 
 and the other six have such excellent constitutions that 
 all the physicians on earth cannot kill them." 
 
 Dr. Parr, when a boy at Harrow, had so very old a face 
 for his age, that one day his cotemporary, Sir William 
 Jones, said, looking hard at him : " Parr, if you should 
 have the good luck to live forty years, you may stand a 
 chance of overtaking your face." 
 
 Mr. Alderman Falkener, of convivial memory, ^one 
 night when he expected his guests to sit late, and try the 
 strength of his claret and his head, took the precaution 
 of placing in his wine-glass a strawberry, which his doctor, 
 he said, had recommended to him on account of its cooling 
 qualities, and which he kept all night at the bottom of 
 his glass. On the faith of the specific, he drank even 
 more deeply, and, as might be expected, w r as carried away 
 at an earlier period, and in rather a worse state, than was 
 usual with him. When some of his friends condoled 
 with him next day, and attributed his misfortune to six 
 bottles of claret which he had imbibed, the Alderman was 
 extremely indignant. " The claret I" he said ; " it was 
 sound, and never could do any man any harm ; my dis- 
 comfiture was altogether caused by the unfortunate straw- 
 berry \" — Quarterly Review. 
 
366 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 When Mr. Gandy, the architect, showed Lord Dudley 
 the Grecian elevation of his house, his Lprdship remarked : 
 u Very fine ! just the thing for a Pagan god ; but a pri- 
 vate gentleman can't do so well without a scullery." 
 
 When Muley Abon Hassan, King of Granada, was 
 making a foray into the lands of the Duke of Medina 
 Sidonia, he was surprised and defeated by Pedro de 
 Vayas, Alcayde of Gibraltar, while encumbered with the 
 vast cavalcade swept from the pastures of the Campana 
 of Tarifa. With all his fierceness, old Muley Abon 
 Hassan had a gleam of warlike courtesy, and admired the 
 hardy and soldier-like character of Pedro de Vayas. He 
 summoned two Christian captives, and demanded what 
 were the revenues of the Alcayde of Gibraltar. They 
 told him, that, among other things, he was entitled to 
 one out of every drove of cattle that passed his boun- 
 daries. 
 
 " Allah forbid," cried the old monarch, " that so brave 
 a cavalier should be defrauded of his right V 3 
 
 He immediately chose twelve of the finest cattle from 
 the twelve droves which formed the cavalgada. These he 
 gave in charge to an alfagin, to deliver them to Pedro de 
 Vayas. 
 
 P Tell him," said he, " that I crave pardon for not 
 having sent these cattle sooner ; but I have this moment 
 learned the nature of his rights, and I hasten to satisfy 
 them with the punctuality due to so worthy a cavalier. 
 Tell him, at the same time, that I had no idea the Al- 
 cayde of Gibraltar was so active and vigilant in collecting 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 367 
 
 his tolls. — Washington Irving' s Conquest of Granada, 
 vol. i. p. 103. 
 
 When Brummell was residing at the Hotel (TAngle- 
 terre (Caen), he one morning laid aside all etiquette, and 
 without waiting for an introduction, made the acquaintance 
 of a poor little mouse, that had taken up its abode in the 
 wainscot of his sitting-room. To this tiny creature he 
 became very much attached, and, by dint of careful and 
 gentle training, taught it to crawl up his leg, on to the 
 breakfast-table, and eat out of his hand. It became, at 
 length, like Baron Trenck's spider, quite a companion, 
 and made its appearance regularly every morning at the 
 same hour. One day, while Brummell was paying his 
 accustomed visit to a lady, she observed that he was very 
 much out of spirits ; and on her inquiring the reason, he 
 told her, with great embarrassment in his manner, that 
 the garqon had that morning thrown a boot-jack at his 
 little favourite, and killed it. — BrummelVs Memoirs, 
 vol. ii. p. 160. 
 
 The late Duchess of York had such a passion for dogs, 
 that she is said to have had upwards of a hundred of them 
 at Oatlands, and she sometimes erected monuments over 
 her especial favourites ; they are grouped round a foun- 
 tain, in the grounds, in front of a grotto, to which, during 
 the summer months, she frequently retired with her work, 
 or a book. — BrummelVs Life, vol. i. p. 277. 
 
368 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Wilson mentions a parrot, which he kept in a cage, 
 along with a companion, which unfortunately died. For 
 some time, poor Poll seemed inconsolable for her loss, 
 till Mr. Wilson thought of placing a looking-glass beside 
 the place where her companion used to sit. At sight of 
 her own image, all her former fondness seemed to return, 
 so that she could scarcely absent herself from the spot, 
 and it was evident that she was completely deceived into the 
 belief that her friend was restored to her. — Constable's 
 Miscellany, vol. lxviii. p. 125. 
 
 In America, crows have been employed to catch crows, 
 by the following stratagem : A live crow is pinned by the 
 wings down to the ground, on its back, by means of two 
 sharp, forked sticks. Thus situated, his cries are loud 
 and incessant, particularly if any other crows are within 
 view. These, sweeping down about him, are instantly 
 grappled by the prostrate prisoner, by the same instinctive 
 impulse that urges a drowning person to grasp at every- 
 thing within his reach. Having disengaged the game 
 from his clutches, the trap is again ready for another 
 experiment ; and by pinning down each captive, succes- 
 sively, as soon as taken, in a short time you will probably 
 have a large flock screaming above you, in concert with 
 the outrageous prisoners below. — Constable's Miscellany, 
 vol. lxviii. p. 243. 
 
 Captain Hall gives the following catalogue of the con- 
 tents of a shark, caught on board the " Alceste :" " A 
 number of ducks and hens, which had died in the night, 
 and were thrown overboard ; several baskets, some bundles 
 of shavings and bits of cordage, and, last of all, the hide 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 369 
 
 of a buffalo, killed on board that day for dinner. A sailor, 
 seeing it, exclaimed: "There, my lads, d'ye see that? 
 He has swallowed a buffalo, but he could not dis-gest the 
 hide." — Hall's Fragments. 
 
 Extract from Lady Grosvenor's Yacht Voyage, vol. ii. 
 p. 202 : 
 
 In one of our walks lately, we saw, at a door in the 
 Strada Chiaga, a soup in preparation for the family repast, 
 consisting of snails in their shells, and parsley, simmering 
 together in a saucepan, over a smart fire. 
 
 The noise and number of the grasshoppers in the envi- 
 rons of Smyrna, is something appalling ; and as they fly, 
 the effect of their crimson w T ings, which look like small red- 
 hot coals, seem to add to the warmth of the heated atmo- 
 sphere. — Ibid, vol. i. p. 72. 
 
 The Pariah dogs at Kandahar have a singular habit, 
 which I have never seen elsewhere. To avoid, »as I sup- 
 pose, the extreme heat of the streets during the hot 
 weather, and to enjoy the breeze, they have learned to 
 ascend to the tops of the houses by the different stair- 
 cases ; and so expert are they, that I have seen them on 
 the very summit of the lofty dome of Char-soo. It is 
 highly amusing to watch their pranks. Three or four will 
 occasionally possess themselves of a higher elevation, and 
 obstinately contest the right of any others to come up, 
 and the fights which ensue are often savage in the extreme. 
 — Rev. I. N. Allen on Afghanistan, p. 189. 
 
 r3 
 
370 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 1773. The clothes of the late Diana Boswell, Queen of 
 the Gypsies, value £50, were burned in the middle of the 
 Mint, Southwark, by her principal courtiers, according to 
 ancient custom; it being too great an honour .for her sub- 
 jects to be clothed in robes of state, and too great a dis- 
 grace for her successor to appear in second-hand royalty. 
 Two hundred of her loyal subjects were present at her 
 interment in Newington church-yard. 
 
 Do we perceive the thunder, whilst it strikes through 
 all things which oppose it ? Do we distinguish the winds, 
 whilst they are tearing up all before them in our view ? 
 Our soul itself, with which we are so intimate, which 
 moves and actuates us, is it visible ? Can we behold it ? 
 The great God, who has formed the universe, and supports 
 the stupendous work in all its goodness and harmony, 
 makes Himself sufficiently visible by the endless wonders 
 of which He is the Author, but continues always invisible 
 Himself. 
 
 The origin of saying grace before and after dinner was, 
 that the Romans had their household gods at their tables 
 always, and prayed to them, which served as a check 
 upon licentious conversation afterwards. Our God is 
 always present, though invisible. 
 
 The Egyptians not only worshipped bulls, cats, apes 
 and storks, but also leeks, onions, and parsley ! which 
 they invoked in cases of necessity. In a famine once, 
 they rather eat one another than any of these imaginary 
 deities. The ichneumon they adored, because it destroyed 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 371 
 
 crocodiles by leaping down their throats while they slept, 
 and then eating their way out through the intestines. 
 
 " Might your name be Smith 1" asked a countryman of 
 Mr. Pringle at Philadelphia. 
 " Yes, it might ; but it aint." 
 
 A magistrate hearing that he was unpopular, said that 
 being no man's enemy, he could scarcely believe that 
 a mob had actually assembled to burn down his 
 house. 
 
 "But/ 5 he said, "the fatal rock on which I split 
 is, that I never can find a way to make both parties 
 win." 
 
 A lawyer once remarked that he had often failed when 
 he had a good case, and as often succeeded when he had 
 a bad one, "and so justice is done/* 
 
 Lords Eldon and Ellenborough belonged to the Lin- 
 coln's Inn volunteers during that period when the 
 military fever raged among all classes. They were not 
 soldiers very long, as no drill- serjeant could succeed in 
 " setting them up" for the ranks, and they were even- 
 tually turned out of the " awkward squad, for awkard- 
 
 Sidney Smith said of a great talker that it would greatly 
 improve him, if he had, now and then, " a few flashes of 
 silence." 
 
372 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 A small Highland laird, who boasted often of his 
 great acquaintances to his country neighbours, used to 
 claim an intimacy with Napoleon, and he one day 
 said : 
 
 " When Bonaparte found himself obliged at last, most 
 unwillingly, to retreat from Moscow, his first exclamation 
 was, ' What will Mac' say V " 
 
 A clever American lawyer said once : 
 
 " There are three points in this case. In the first 
 place, we contend that the kettle was cracked when we 
 borrowed it ; secondly, that it was whole when we re- 
 turned it, and thirdly, that we never had it." 
 
 Talleyrand, speaking of a well-known lady, said em- 
 phatically : 
 
 " She is insufferable." 
 
 Then, as if relenting, he added : 
 
 "But that is her only fault." 
 
 An Englishman and a Highlander disputing which 
 came from the largest kingdom, the Scotchman said : 
 
 " Our's is a mountainous, your's a flat country. Now, 
 if all our hills were rolled out flat, we should beat you by 
 many square miles." 
 
 When Sir Francis Blake wished to build an addition to 
 the house of Fowberry in Northumberland, he excavated a 
 story below it, supporting the whole house on wooden 
 props till the wall could be inserted. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 373 
 
 Mr. Lewis Morgan, who died in his 98th year, left his 
 whole fortune to his housekeeper, with this remark 
 written in the will : 
 
 " She is a tolerable good woman, but w r ould be much 
 better if she had not so clamorous a tongue." 
 
 He had been determined to get the last word. 
 
 A very awkward-looking public singer once told Ban- 
 nister that his voice had been much improved ever since 
 he accidentally swallowed some train-oil. " Then/'' re- 
 joined his friend, " how r unlucky that you did not acci- 
 dentally swallow T a dancing-master also !" 
 
 M. le Comte de Coigny was one day at Madame Geof- 
 frin's table, telling stories w r hich had no end. Some dish 
 w r as set before him, and he took a little clasp-knife out of 
 his pocket to he]p himself, still continuing his tale. 
 Madame Geoffrin at last impetuously exclaimed: "M. le 
 Comte, you should have longer knives and shorter stories." 
 — Baron de Grimm. 
 
 After Mr. Pitt's celebrated Speech on the Slave-Trade, 
 Mr. Beaufoy was in the chair of the Committee of the 
 whole House, and as usual had his hair plastered down 
 close to his head ; when Lord Carhampton, speaking of 
 some atrocities w T hich were suffered to pass unreprehended, 
 said : sc Scenes like these would make even your hair 
 stand on end, Mr. Beaufoy." 
 
 Doddington was very lethargic. Falling asleep one day, 
 after dinner, with Sir Richard Temple, Lord Cobham, and 
 
374 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 the General, the latter reproached Doddington with his 
 drowsiness. Doddington denied having been asleep, and, 
 to prove he had not, offered to repeat all Lord Cobham 
 had been saying. Cobham challenged him to do so. 
 Doddington repeated a story, and Lord Cobham owned 
 he had been telling it. " Well/'' said Doddington, " and 
 yet I did not hear a word of it ; but I went to sleep be- 
 cause I knew that about this time of the day you would 
 tell that story/' 
 
 Monsieur Vestris, the celebrated opera-dancer, used to 
 say, with the most unaffected sincerity : " I know only 
 three men in Europe at the present day, who are unique 
 in their line — the King of Prussia, Voltaire, and my- 
 self/' 
 
 A Mrs. Forbes went to a shop in Paris, many years ago, 
 to which she was in the habit of resorting, to purchase 
 curiosities and articles of virtu, when her attention was 
 caught by a dingy old picture, which was hanging on 
 the door; and she asked if it was to be disposed of. 
 The shopman said it was, and that the price of it was five 
 francs (four shillings and twopence). Mrs. Forbes, who 
 wished to get a bargain, declared that that was too much, 
 and left the shop, resolving to return next day to com- 
 plete the purchase. The following day, Sir Colin Camp- 
 bell, Aide-de-camp to the Duke of Wellington, happening 
 to be caught in a shower of rain, took refuge in this iden- 
 tical shop ; and being a connoisseur in pictures, was imme- 
 diately struck with the one on the door, and inquired its 
 price. " Eight francs/' was the reply ; as the man began 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 3 75 
 
 to smoke that he was possessed of a more valuable picture 
 than he had imagined. Sir Colin immediately paid down 
 the price, and the picture was sent home to him. Next 
 day, he sent for a dealer in pictures, and got him to 
 clean up and renovate his new purchase, and both Sir 
 Colin and he agreed that it must be the work of a very 
 old Master, and that it would be worth while to en- 
 deavour to trace its history. The picture- dealer accord- 
 ingly set his wits to work, and, by taking indefatigable 
 pains, discovered that this was no less than a portrait of 
 Edward the Black Prince, supposed to be the only one he 
 ever sat for. It had belonged to the French Government, 
 but at the time of the Revolution, it had disappeared ; 
 and from one hand to another, it had last been possessed 
 by some monks, who sold it for a trifle to the owner of the 
 shop, where Sir Colin had seen it. 
 
 The fame of this discovery soon spread, and Sir Colin 
 was offered eight hundred Napoleons for it, which he 
 refused. A deputation from the French Government 
 afterwards waited on him, to represent that this was a 
 Government picture, and that they had no objection to 
 give Sir Colin any reasonable remuneration, but that he 
 must relinquish his prize. This he stoutly refused, saying 
 that it was a perfectly fair purchase on his part, and that 
 they had no right to deprive him of his property. The 
 Government then got the English Ambassador to reiterate 
 the demand, but Jae met with no better success, and they 
 had to give up the point. 
 
 Sir Colin, who was under very great obligations to the 
 Duke of Wellington, afterwards presented this celebrated 
 picture to his Grace, and it now adorns the walls of Strath- 
 fieldsaye. — Quarterly Review. 
 
376 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 West had no small share of vanity. When he was 
 walking with Charles Fox in the Louvre, he fancied that 
 the crowds that followed were attracted by his own repu- 
 tation of English art, and expressed himself much gratified 
 at exciting such a sensation, without a thought of the 
 great statesman his companion. 
 
 In Belzoni's tomb, and many others still extant, all 
 the gods and goddesses are represented as pea-green. 
 
 A man at Rome being asked what his profession was, 
 he answered : "Painting Salvator Rosa's for the English/' 
 
 It is a peculiarity of Murillo's pictures that he always 
 introduces the face of an idiot into them. At Pampeluna, 
 where the largest collection of his paintings is, they all 
 have an idiot in some corner or other. 
 
 Many years ago, Sir Thomas Lawrence consulted 
 Puseli whether a picture said to be by Correggio (of 
 Christ's agony in the garden) was genuine. Fuseli 
 answered that whoever w^as the master, it certainly was 
 not Correggio, and that the original was in the Escurial at 
 Madrid. Notwithstanding this information, Sir Thomas 
 still considered it genuine, and recommended Mr. 
 Angerstein to purchase it, which he did at the cost of 
 several thousand pounds. Some time afterwards, it was 
 discovered that the Duke of Wellington had a duplicate 
 of it ; and on inquiry, it appeared that at the battle of 
 Vittoria, the carriage of Joseph Buonaparte was seized ; 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 377 
 
 on the top of which was this identical picture, together 
 with some others of similar value, which the ex-King 
 had hastily cut out of their frames at the Escurial, and 
 packed on the top of his carriage like an Imperial. The 
 Duke of Wellington very honestly wrote to Ferdinand VI L 
 offering to restore them, but he, with equal generosity, 
 presented them to the conqueror. 
 
 One day, when Northcote was calling on Sir Joshua 
 Reynolds, Venloo, a great judge of pictures, and an 
 attache to the French Embassy, came in, when Sir 
 Joshua told him that he wanted to consult him about a 
 great bargain he had picked up, and which he supposed 
 to be a head by Rembrandt. Venloo said that if there 
 was a master in the world with whose pictures he was 
 more familiar than another, it was with Rembrandt's. 
 The picture was exhibited in every light, and after mature 
 deliberation, was pronounced by him to be genuine, to 
 Sir Joshua's great delight. However, after Venloo's 
 departure, Northcote said to Sir Joshua, that however 
 painful it was to undeceive him, it was yet necessary to 
 explain that he had good reason to know that the picture 
 was a copy, for that it was painted by himself, and 
 showed his name in an obscure corner of the picture. 
 
 A gentleman who had picked up a fine picture very 
 cheap, employed a friend to ask Northcote whether it was 
 by him, as he thought it rather in his style. Northcote 
 said that he would have been too happy to claim it, but 
 that he was sorry to say that he had never painted so 
 well. 
 
 The gentleman pursued his inquiries, and applied to 
 
37 S THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Mr. Smirke, in hopes that lie might assist him to find out 
 who it was done by. Mr. Smirke immediately pro- 
 nounced it to be by Northcote, and mentioned the very 
 person whose portrait it was, so that at last the artist 
 recognized his own work, and was very proud of it. 
 
 The last King of Poland was so fond of Correggio's 
 Magdalene, one of the forty pictures he bought of the 
 Duke of Modena, that wherever he went, this picture 
 accompanied him in a case, and was hung up in his 
 apartments. — Swinburne's Letters, vol. i, p. 349. 
 
 Marshal Soult, from the rich spoils of the Andalusian 
 convents, formed the noble collection of paintings by 
 Murillo and Velasquez, which now adorns his hotel in 
 Paris. — Alison's Europe, vol. ix, p. 758. 
 
 Murillo was a native of Seville. Of all the pictures of 
 this extraordinary man, one of the least celebrated is that 
 which always wrought on me the most profound impres- 
 sion. I allude to the Guardian Angel (Angel de la 
 Guardia), a small picture which stands at the bottom of 
 the church, and looks up the principal aisle. The angel, 
 holding a flaming sword in his right hand, is conducting 
 the child. The child is, in my opinion, the most won- 
 derful of all the creations of Murillo ; the form is that of 
 an infant about five years of age, and the expression of 
 the countenance is quite infantine, but the tread — it is 
 the tread of a conqueror, of a god, of the Creator of the 
 universe; and the earthly globe appears to tremble 
 beneath its majesty. — Bible in Spain, vol. iii, p. 196. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. - 379 
 
 The famious Magdalene of Correggio was some time 
 ago carried off by thieves, for the sake of the richly- 
 jewelled frame in which it was, but on a reward being 
 offered for its recovery, a letter was received from the 
 robbers, saying that it would be found in a cave near 
 Saltzburg, where it was discovered, but without the 
 frame. — Howitfs Germany, p. 405. 
 
 Southey mentions a dog belonging to his grandfather, 
 which had such a sense of time as to count the days of 
 the w T eek, and trudged two miles every Saturday to 
 market, to cater for himself in the shambles. — Omniana. 
 
 When Smith O'Brien was condemned to death for 
 treason, a gentleman said : " No fear of the traitor being 
 hanged, but, depend upon it, the jury will be murdered ; 
 so, one way or other, blood enough will be shed." 
 
 A Glasgow manufacturer having claimed a hive of bees, 
 which had taken refuge in a neighbour's garden, swore to 
 their identity, when the counsel on the opposite side asked 
 how he could recognize them, and satirically inquired, 
 " Had they muslin wings V 
 
 Lord Guillamore being tired of hearing testimonials to 
 the character of a man tried before him for stealing a 
 sheep, said to the jury, when at last he was to sum up 
 the evidence : u Gentlemen, here is an honest man, who 
 stole a sheep \" 
 
380 THE KALEIPOSCOPE OF 
 
 One of the chief titles of distinction in the Scotch law 
 is "the Dean of Faculty/' and when Sidney Smith, Dean 
 of St. Paul's, first met a gentleman bearing that title, in 
 company, he assumed a reverential expression in looking 
 at him, and said : " A most surprising title ! for, in Eng- 
 land, the Deans have no faculties." 
 
 An attorney in Dublin having died exceedingly poor, 
 his funeral expenses were to be paid by a shilling subscrip- 
 tion. When Lord Norbury was asked to contribute his 
 mite, he exclaimed : " Only a shilling to bury an attorney 1 
 Here is a guinea; go and bury one-and-twenty of them." 
 — Tiviss's Life of Lord Eldon. 
 
 Currants advice to orators : " When you can't talk 
 sense, talk metaphors." 
 
 Lord Ellenborough, who felt strongly the efficacy of 
 temporal rewards, as incentives to exertion, disliked any 
 work of fiction which kept these motives out of sight, 
 and said : " Of all things in the world, I abominate a 
 novel that ends unhappily." 
 
 A leading actor at the Opera having fallen sick the first 
 night of the representation of a new play, an inferior one 
 was chosen to supply his place. He sang, and was 
 hissed ; but, without being disconcerted, he looked stead- 
 fastly at the pit, and said : " Gentlemen, I don't under- 
 stand this. Do you think, that for only six hundred livres 
 per annum, I can afford to give you a two thousand crown 
 voice ?" 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 381 
 
 Voltaire held people in great aversion who asked many- 
 questions, and his model of the interrogating Bailiff, in 
 the " Droit du Seigneur/'' was copied from an inhabitant 
 of Geneva, to whom he said, one day, when they acci- 
 dentally met : " Sir, I am well-pleased to see you ; but I 
 inform you before-hand, that I know nothing about what 
 you are going to ask." 
 
 When the witty Lord Elibank was first told of Johnson's 
 celebrated definition of the word " oats," as being the 
 food of men in Scotland, and of horses in England, he 
 answered, with happy readiness : " Very true : and where 
 will you find such horses and such men ?" 
 
 When a worthy old lady told Dr. Paley that she and 
 her husband had lived forty years together, without hav- 
 ing a difference, he said : " How very dull and insipid 
 that must have been I" 
 
 An old woman, who was present at a sermon, where 
 the whole congregation were in tears, except herself, 
 being asked the reason w T hy she remained so unmoved, 
 quietly answered : " I belong to a different parish." 
 
 In ancient times the tenants of Lord Breadalbane 
 having applied for a reduction of rent, had occasion to 
 dine togtether, before their landlord and chief had sent in 
 his answer; therefore, they gave his health in these 
 cautious words : " Breadalbane, till we see" 
 
382 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Old Lady Kent once agreed with Sir Edward Herbert, 
 that he should come to her when she sent for him, and 
 stay with her as long as she chose, to which he signed his 
 consent ; but demanded, in return, a written promise, that 
 he should go away when he pleased, and stay away as 
 long as he liked. 
 
 A Gascon who was at a loss for a dinner, seeing Frere 
 Eomain, the celebrated architect, superintending the 
 operations of the bridge of the Tuilleries, determined to 
 to dine at his expense. He kept looking attentively at 
 the work, as if he had been a connoisseur, muttered 
 between his teeth, measured what had been erected, 
 walked with great gravity across, and seemed to be 
 engaged in an elaborate criticism of the whole. Frere 
 Romain, a little uneasy, went up to, and asked what he 
 thought of it : 
 
 " Friend," said the Gascon, " I have some important 
 information to communicate about the bridge, but I am 
 too hungry, and must dine first." 
 
 Frere Romain immediately offered him a dinner, and 
 when that was over, the impatient architect led his guest 
 back to the bridge. 
 
 The Gascon walked up and down for several minutes, 
 and then turning to his host, observed : 
 
 " My friend ! you have done wisely in building this 
 bridge across the river, for if you had tried to build it the 
 long way, it would never have succeeded." 
 
 When the congress of kings in 1814 were assembled in 
 London, two gentlemen-like personages walked into a 
 shop, and after giving some orders, said : 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. - 383 
 
 u Do you know who I am ? The Emperor of Russia V 9 
 
 The other added : 
 
 u And I am the King of Prussia I" 
 
 The shopkeeper not believing them, though it was per- 
 fectly true, laughed heartily, saying : 
 
 "And do you know who I am? The Emperor of 
 China !" 
 
 A splendid snuff-box of BrummelPs being handed round 
 after dinner once, a gentleman of the party attempted to 
 open it, but finding the lid rather stiff, he tried to facili- 
 tate the operation by help of a dessert-knife. On seeing 
 this, Brummell, who was not acquainted with the culprit, 
 turned hastily to his host, saying : " Will you do me the 
 favour to tell your friend that my snuff-box is not an 
 oyster !" 
 
 A grenadier of the regiment of Champagne, was re- 
 treating from the ranks mortally wounded. 
 
 " Where is that grenadier going V } cried the officer, as 
 he passed. 
 
 " To die V 9 replied the soldier, turning round, and 
 instantly expired. 
 
 Rossini unexpectedly met his old friend Sir Henry 
 Bishop once, but having at the moment forgotten his 
 name, after puzzling and stammering for some time, he 
 at length took him by the hand, and sung a few bars to 
 prove he identified him of Bishop's beautiful song, " Blow 
 gentle gales." 
 
384 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Lord Sundon, a Commissioner of the Treasury with 
 Bubb Doddington and Wilmington, was very dull. One 
 Thursday, as they left the Board, Lord Sundon laughed 
 heartily at something Doddington said ; and when gone, 
 Winnington observed : 
 
 " Doddington, you are very ungrateful ; you call Sun- 
 don stupid and slow, and yet you see how quickly he 
 took what you said." 
 
 " Oh no !" replied Doddington, " he was only laughing 
 now at what I said last Treasury day." — Lord Walpole. 
 
 A Gascon, when proving his nobility, asserted that in 
 his father's castle they used no other firewood than the 
 batons of the Marechals of France of his family. 
 
 The Marechal d'Etrees, aged one hundred and three, 
 heard of the death of the Duke de Tresme, at the age of 
 ninety-three, and exclaimed : " I am very sorry for it, 
 but not surprised ; he was a poor, worn-out creature ; I 
 always said that man would never live long." 
 
 At a crowded French theatre, a woman fell from the 
 gallery into the pit, and being picked up by the surround- 
 ing spectators, who were anxious to ascertain what injury 
 had been suffered, she merely exclaimed : €i Ah ! what a 
 good place I lost !" 
 
 When Smith, author of the "Rejected Addresses," 
 was confined to an arm-chair with the gout once, at a 
 country-house, one of his friends came up to him and 
 proposed a quiet stroll in the garden. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 385 
 
 u A stroll V? exclaimed Mr. Smith, who was noted for 
 his dislike of country ruralities ; " Look at my gouty 
 shoe V 3 
 
 "Well ! I see it, and wish I had brought one myself; 
 but our host is out of the way now." 
 
 u What difference does that make V 3 
 
 " My dear friend ! you don't mean to say that you 
 have in real earnest got a fit of the gout ! I thought you 
 had merely worn that shoe to escape from being shown 
 over the improvements." 
 
 The Abbe Coyar, a very tedious talker, having come to 
 visit Voltaire, with an intention to remain some months, 
 the philosopher bore the infliction with tolerable politeness 
 the first day, but next morning he interrupted him in a 
 long prosing narrative, saying, in v a tone which dis- 
 enchanted his visitor, and caused his immediate departure : 
 "Do you know the difference, M. PAbbe, between Don 
 Quixote and yourself? It is, that Don Quixote mistook 
 inns for castles, and you mistake private residences for 
 
 A silver cup having been voted to an officer once for 
 some gallant action, a dinner was given to celebrate it, 
 and after the cloth had been removed, the whole assem- 
 bled company waited with interest to hear the eloquence 
 that should attend the presentation. 
 
 The President rose, and thrusting the cup towards the 
 officer, said : 
 
 "There's the jug." 
 
 To which the other replied, taking it up with pleasure, 
 and examining it : 
 
 " Is this the mug V 9 
 
386 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Sheridan being accused by an elderly lady of having 
 gone out to walk after he had told her that the weather 
 was too bad for any one, he replied : " It cleared up 
 enough for one, but not for two." 
 
 A French bonnet-maker told Lady D — , on her remon- 
 strating with him on the price of a hat, u Indeed, Madam, 
 it cost me three sleepless nights merely to imagine V 
 
 Another French man-milliner was denied to visitors 
 with this reason assigned, " He is composing." 
 
 A third modestly accounted for the graceful position of 
 a plume, by saying, ec I fixed it in a moment of enthu- 
 
 Mr. Trenchard, a neighbour of Bubb Doddington's, 
 telling him that though his pinery w r as expensive, he 
 contrived, by applying the fire to other purposes, to make 
 it so advantageous, that he believed he got a shilling by 
 every pine-apple he ate. " Sir," said Doddington, " I 
 would eat them for half the money." 
 
 Lord said one day to Lord Brougham, when they 
 
 were voting for once on the same side in the House of 
 Lords : 
 
 " This is the only time you and I have rowed in the 
 same boat." 
 
 " Yes," replied Lord Brougham, a But we use very 
 different sculls /" — Daily Records. 
 
 Garrick and a French actor had a rivalship who could 
 most naturally represent intoxication, and the Frenchman 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 387 
 
 after exciting the approbation of several spectators, asked 
 Garrick himself to say what he thought of the imitation : 
 " Very good/' replied Garrick, dubiously, " but your legs 
 were not drunk ! ;; 
 
 A German Prince, when an Englishman was introduced 
 to him, thought the best thing he could say to him, was 
 to remark that " it was bad weather : ;; upon which the 
 Englishman shrugged up his shoulders and replied : 
 
 " Yes — but it is better than none I" 
 
 Bonaparte's celerity was the most remarkable feature 
 of his military tactics ; to this he sacrificed the lives and 
 comforts of his soldiers without hesitation, and thus 
 spread wonder and panic amongst his enemies, while the 
 dead whom he had left on the road could make no com- 
 plaints, and the living forgot amidst the triumph of 
 victory all the hardships that had led them to it. If an 
 officer asked for time to perform any manoeuvre, his 
 extraordinary answer always was, " Ask me anything but 
 time." 
 
 Bonaparte heaped honours and titles on his Marshals, 
 but never treated them with familiarity, for fear it might 
 remind them of his original equality ; but to the common 
 soldier he was extremely accessible, listened to their com- 
 plaints and petitions, and after a battle he often consulted 
 the regiments who amongst them merited the Legion of 
 Honour ; this gained their hearts. 
 
 s2 
 
388 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Lord Walsingham wrote so very illegible a hand, that 
 when Princess Augusta obtained a frank from him once, 
 her letter wandered all over the kingdom without finding 
 its destination, and being eventually opened at the post- 
 office was returned to her. She reproached him with this 
 inconvenience, and he then took great pains to make the 
 direction quite legible, but in two days the letter again 
 came back, with the signature of Lord Walsingham en- 
 dorsed, " A Forgery Y* 
 
 Two rival painters had undertaken a house ; the first 
 had done part when the other came, who was taken round 
 the house, and seeing a door of real oak which he fancied 
 done by his rival, he said : " Unless I could do it better 
 than that, I would throw away my brush." 
 
 One of Bonaparte's pleasures was, after dinner to fix 
 upon three or four persons to support a proposition, and 
 as many to oppose it. He thus studied the minds of 
 those whom he had an interest in knowing well, and he 
 gave the preference over those who could support an 
 absurd proposition best. One day it was whether the 
 planets were inhabited ; another day, the truth or fallacy 
 of presentiments, and the interpretation of dreams. 
 
 La Place was appointed a Minister by Bonaparte, but 
 he who was so admirable in science, was incompetent to 
 the most trifling matters in administration. We must 
 not aim at, or hope for every kind of talent. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 389 
 
 When the allied Sovereigns heard of Bonaparte's escape 
 from Elba, their first impulse was to burst into a simul- 
 taneous fit of laughter, but they soon found the joke was 
 a serious one. 
 
 When the Bourbons had drawn up their army under 
 Marshal Maedonald to fight against Bonaparte, and they 
 all waited for the Imperial army to advance against them, 
 a gallopping of horse was suddenly heard, an open carriage 
 appeared, surrounded by a few hussars, and drawn by four 
 horses. It came on at full speed, and Napoleon, jumping 
 from the vehicle, was in the midst of the ranks which had 
 been formed to oppose him, the effect was instantaneous, 
 and a general shout arose of " Vive Napoleon V 3 
 
 When Nadir Shah returned from India, he published a 
 proclamation, permitting the followers of his army to 
 return to their homes. It is narrated that thirty thousand 
 of those who belonged to Cushan and Isfahan, applied to 
 this monarch for a guard of a hundred musketeers to 
 escort them safe to their wives and children. " Cowards !" 
 exclaimed he, in a fury : " Would I were a robber again, 
 for the sake of waylaying and plundering you all." — 
 Sketches in Persia. 
 
 In the trial of Lord Huntingdon versus Lord Hastings, 
 the parish registers of the Earldom of Huntingdon were 
 discovered to be very much mutilated, and a tombstone 
 quite broken down. Mr. Bell, counsel for Lord Hunting- 
 don, heard of this, and set off for the church-yard in the 
 night time with a lantorn, (though the place was said to 
 
390 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 be haunted by a man in armour), and with great difficulty- 
 he gathered all the fragments of the stone, and built them 
 up so as to be able to read and take a copy of the inscrip- 
 tion. He had just finished, when he felt something 
 breathing upon him, but on looking round discovered 
 that it was only an ass, who gave such a start and kick 
 upon seeing him, that he had almost knocked him down 
 as w r ell as the stone, but fortunately he escaped with his 
 copy of the inscription, which was one of the grea 
 proofs brought forward on the trial. 
 
 Whoever has sat on a sunny stone in the midst of a 
 stream, and played with the osier-twigs and running 
 waters, must, if he have a soul, remember that day, should 
 he live a hundred years ; and to return to such a spot, 
 after twenty years of a struggling life in the great world 
 of man's invention — to come back thus to Nature in her 
 simple guise — again to look up to the same dark hill — 
 again to the same trees, still in their youth and freshness 
 — the same clear running waters — if he can do this, and 
 think himself better than a cork floating on the stream, 
 he has more conceit than I. — Sir Charles Bell. 
 
 The last words of a young man at Hoxton, who said 
 with his expiring groan : " Paine' s c Age of Reason' has 
 ruined my soul/' 
 
 Men may live infidels ; but even fools cannot die 
 infidels. 
 
 Tom Paine, in his last hours, invoked the name of that 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 391 
 
 Saviour whom in his writings he blasphemed, in a tone so 
 loud and earnest as to alarm the house ; and so deep 
 was his mental gloom, that he exclaimed : " I think / 
 can say what they make Jesus Christ to say : ' My God, 
 my God, why hast thou forsaken me V " 
 
 Hobbes gloomily remarked, as he drew near the grave, 
 that he was about to take a leap in the dark, and should 
 be glad to find a hole to creep out of the world at. 
 
 When D'Alembert, in his last illness, wished to see a 
 clergyman, Condorcet ferociously denied admission to the 
 Rector of St. Germains, afterwards remarking : " Had I 
 not been there, D'Alembert would have flinched !" 
 
 The Hon. Mrs. J died very young, saying : " If 
 
 this be death, it is a pleasant passage to a better life/ 
 
 . » 
 
 Uncertainty of Tradition : 
 
 K Peter, seeing John, saith to Jesus, Lord, and what 
 shall this man do ? Jesus saith unto him, If I will that 
 he tarry till I come, what is that to thee ? follow thou 
 me. Then went this saying abroad (a tradition) among 
 the brethren, that that disciple should not die." We are 
 continually warned in Scripture to be on our guard against 
 the traditions of men. — Canning's Lectures. 
 
 Mr. H. Drummond had occasion some years ago to 
 refer to the highest authority among the Jesuits on 
 the subject of the "real presence." The Jesuit told 
 
392 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 him he must believe that there was no bread present 
 after consecration. Mr. Drummond asked whether, if 
 the bread were chemically analyzed, the ashes would con- 
 tain animal and not vegetable products ? The father had 
 the grace to blush, but replied, that " if such an act r " 
 profanation were to be committed., no doubt the Holy 
 presence would be withdrawn, and the elements would be 
 as they were before." — Edinburgh Review, No. 190, 
 p. 537. 
 
 Comyn, Bishop of Durham, having quarrelled with his 
 clergy, they mixed poison with the wine of the Eucharist, 
 aud gave it him. He perceived the poison, but yet, with 
 misguided devotion, he drank it and died. 
 
 A monk who had retired to a monastery for peaceful 
 seclusion and leisurely meditation, confessed soon after to 
 his superior that he was haunted by evil thoughts to so 
 fearful an excess that his life had become a burden to 
 him, he was wasting away with misery, and he daily 
 wished himself dead. The superior listened with grave 
 attention, but said nothing, and seemed much less inte- 
 rested in the matter than his melancholy penitent had 
 expected, but dismissed him with a short admonition. 
 
 Next morning the unhappy monk became surprised at 
 the sudden perversity of temper that seemed to have 
 seized on all his brethren : one flatly contradicted him in 
 conversation ; another disbelieved what he said, and ac- 
 cused him of falsehood ; a third would not speak to him 
 at all. Nothing he could say but it gave offence, nothing 
 he could do but it was angrily censured. The poor monk 
 was at his wit's end, and tried every method of concilia- 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 393 
 
 tion, but in vain. He had not a friend now in the whole 
 monastery who took his part, and yet he thought inces- 
 santly over all that had passed, and could not recollect a 
 single occasion on which he had justly or wilfully given 
 offence. Nothing is so difficult to bear as injustice ; and 
 the monk at length, after suffering this mental agony for 
 several weeks, went to his superior to consult him under 
 so great a trial. 
 
 "And," asked the superior, "have you besides the 
 continual anguish of being tormented with evil thoughts ?" 
 
 " No j strange to say, these have entirely vanished. 
 The mental torture I have undergone of late has left me 
 no leisure to think on any other subject." 
 
 " Then my remedy has succeeded," replied the superior, 
 smiling. "It is by my command that you have been 
 thus persecuted, in order to occupy your attention by 
 immediate cares, that shall extinguish those which are 
 imaginary." 
 
 The superior of the Jesuits resembles the manager of a 
 theatre. All his subordinates are to take the part 
 assigned them, and to have no scruple in appearing as 
 Quakers, beggars, Princes, Presbyterians, or Turks. 
 They must speak in character, and neither think their 
 own thoughts, feel their own emotions, nor speak their 
 own ideas ; but their lives are to be one long masquerade 
 — the mask never to be removed ! May the strong sense 
 and sound integrity of Englishmen preserve them from 
 being enlisted in this company of comedians. Had God 
 required such mere mechanical puppets to act their 
 mechanical parts, according to invisible wires directed by 
 another, they would have been an inferior order of crea- 
 
394 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 tion to man, who stands himself alone in the liberty 
 wherewith Christ hath made his people free, accountable 
 to God for all his actions, and to be acquitted or con- 
 demned according to the faith that is in him, as well as 
 the obedience to God's own decrees, which is the fruit of 
 that faith. 
 
 Every little girl has once had a wax doll, that winked 
 in a most astonishing manner, but there was no danger 
 of her falling down reverentially before it as an idol, 
 because she pulled the wire herself, and knew how the 
 trick is played. It is only older children at Rome, who 
 seeing larger dolls winking, and not seeing the wires, are 
 induced to fall down and worship waxen images, the work 
 of men's hands. Nothing astonished the Persian Princes 
 so much in London as the hair-dressers 5 wig-blocks in 
 the shop-windows ; but they would have been still more 
 interested had they known that in Rome such figures are 
 worshipped by the enlightened inhabitants of an en- 
 lightened country, and are said to perform miracles ! 
 
 A footman once offered himself to Voltaire, who said 
 he had come from the service of the tragic author, M. 
 Clement. 
 
 " Rascal \" exclaimed Voltaire, contemptuously, " you 
 look quite capable of having written the first three acts 
 of his Merope." 
 
 When Captain of the 1st Regiment had his leg 
 
 shot off in battle, he exclaimed : 
 
 " There goes the handsomest leg in the British 
 army." 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. . 395 
 
 An old gentleman said one day to a little child : 
 
 u How do you do V 
 
 " Very well, thank you, Sir," was the reply. 
 
 " But my dear/' continued he, " you should be polite, 
 and say how do you do, Sir ?" 
 
 " But," answered his young friend, " I don't care to 
 know." 
 
 Mr. Gurney of Earlham, who was a strict preserver of 
 game, when walking once in his park heard a shot in a 
 neighbouring wood — he hurried to the spot, and his 
 naturally placid temper was considerably ruffled on seeing 
 a young officer with a pheasant at his feet, deliberately 
 re-loading his gun. As the young man, however, replied 
 to his rather warm expressions by a polite apology, JVlr. 
 Gurney' s wrath was somewhat allayed ; bat he could not 
 refrain from asking the intruder what he would do, if he 
 caught a man trespassing on his premises : 
 
 " I would ask him to luncheon," was the reply. 
 
 The serenity of this impudence was not to be resisted. 
 Mr. Gurney not only invited him to luncheon, but 
 supplied him with dogs and a game-keeper, and secured 
 him excellent sport for the remainder of the day.— Life 
 of Buxton, p. 8. 
 
 Cooke, the translator of Hesiod, was so strange a 
 person as to introduce Foote to his club, in the following 
 singular manner : 
 
 " This is the nephew of the gentleman who was 
 lately hung in chains for murdering his brother." — 
 Boswell. 
 
396 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Lord Byron relates of Monk Lewis that being excessively 
 fond of great acquaintances, he was observed one morning 
 to have his eyes red and his air sentimental. He was 
 asked why, and replied : 
 
 " When people say anything kind it affects me deeply, 
 and just now the Duchess of York has said something so 
 kind to me." Here his tears again began to flow, when 
 Colonel Armstrong said, "' Never mind, Lewis, never 
 mind — don't cry — she could not mean it/ " 
 
 A proprietor in the county of Rutland once said in a 
 friendly moment to the late Duke of Argyle : 
 " How I wish your estate were in my county." 
 " If it were," answered his Grace, " there would be no 
 room for yours." 
 
 An author having mentioned that he was about to 
 write a work on Popular Ignorance, his friend replied : 
 " There is no man on earth more fit to do that." 
 
 There lived in the west of England, a few years since, 
 an enthusiastic geologist — a Doctor of Divinity, and 
 Chairman of the Quarter Sessions. A farmer, who had 
 seen him presiding on the bench, overtook him shortly 
 afterwards, while seated by the roadside on a heap of 
 stones, which he was busily breaking in search of fossils. 
 The farmer reined up his horse, gazed at him for a 
 minute, shook his head in commiseration of the mutabi- 
 lity of human things, then exclaimed, in mingled tones of 
 pity and surprise : " What, Doctor ! be you come to this 
 already ?" — Quarterly Review. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 397 
 
 A naval captain having applied to Sir George Cockburn 
 for employment, and being told that he had not a chance 
 of any, turned away, muttering to himself : 
 
 " Then I must get married." 
 
 "What did you say, Sir?" asked Sir George, ear- 
 nestly. 
 
 " Nothing of consequence." 
 
 " But I insist on knowing what you did say ?" 
 
 " I merely said, Sir George, that if I were idle, I must 
 marry." 
 
 " Indeed ! Well, rather than drive you to that, I shall 
 give you an appointment." 
 
 The Captain was afloat in a fortnight. 
 
 A butcher, who had made his fortune, and retired to a 
 rural villa, passing by the Horse Guards, stopped to 
 admire the sentry in his box ; and at last said to him, 
 that he wished to have exactly such a place to put in his 
 garden, for smoking in, and asked where such things were 
 bought. The soldier replied, that this was the last day 
 his sentry-box was to be used ; and as the last guard who 
 kept watch there had a right to the old one, he would 
 gladly sell it for twenty-five shillings. The butcher, en- 
 chanted at his good luck, pulled out his purse, and paid 
 the money. Next day, returning to claim the purchase, 
 he found a different sentry, who knew nothing of his 
 bargain, and laughed at the butcher for being so imposed 
 upon; but at length the story was investigated, and 
 the humourous sentry obliged to refund his ill-gotten 
 gain. 
 
398 THE KALEIDOSCOPE OF 
 
 Sergeant Onslow was changing horses at the White 
 Horse, at Reigate, one day, when the landlady persisted 
 in addressing him as " Captain." The learned counsels 
 servant corrected her each time in a side whisper, till at 
 length she answered with a confidential wink : " I know 
 he is only a sergeant, but they like to be called cap- 
 tains." 
 
 When a lawyer once asked "the Prince of English 
 Physicians," Dr. Sydenham, what he would recommend 
 as good medical reading, he replied : u Read Don Quixote, 
 Sir." 
 
 During the trial of Thelwall for treason, he saw so 
 many important points of which he was fearful his 
 counsel, Erskine, could not avail himself, that he thought 
 he would undertake his own defence. Accordingly he 
 passed a little slip of paper to Erskine, on which was 
 written : 
 
 (< I think I will plead my own cause !" 
 
 To which Erskine replied : 
 
 " If you do you'll be hanged !" 
 
 Thelwall instantly returned : 
 
 « Then Til be hanged if I do." 
 
 The day before a great law- suit for a large sum of 
 money once, the plaintiff and defendant, who had been old 
 friends, happening to meet, agreed to dine together, and 
 over a glass of w T ine they settled the whole case in an 
 amicable manner, quite satisfactory to both parties. 
 
ANECDOTES AND APHORISMS. 399 
 
 Next day they appeared at the trial sitting toge- 
 ther, and the contending lawyers spoke with prodigious 
 energy and talent, till at length the cause having gone 
 against the defendant, his counsel advanced to tell him 
 with expressions of the deepest regret that they had 
 lost. 
 
 " Oh, no matter I" replied the defendant, " we arranged 
 it all between ourselves yesterday, but we both thought 
 that, as we must pay for your speeches at any rate, we 
 should like to hear them spoken." 
 
 At an earthly tribunal, if a criminal be tried for his 
 offences, it is not accepted as any palliation of his guilt 
 that an another man instigated the deed, nor will the 
 punishment be either transferred to him, nor diminished. 
 So in the awful day of a last judgment, the Jesuit would 
 plead in vain that he had acted falsely or deceitfully at 
 the bidding of his superior. When Eve threw the blame 
 of her sin upon the serpent, and Adam cast the blame of 
 his sin upon Eve, the pretext was vain, for all were 
 punished together, as each was responsible for his own 
 conduct ; and nothing is more odious to God and man 
 than falsehood. The blush that dyes the cheek of a child 
 on its first departure from truth, is the testimony of God 
 on the nature of man to the guilt and danger of a 
 lie ; yet nothing amuses children more than to act suppo- 
 sitious characters, and like the Jesuits, to play at being 
 kings or queens, tutors or governesses, princes or beggars, 
 Papists or Protestants, as may suit the humour of those 
 who direct the game. 
 
400 THE KALEIDOSCOPE. 
 
 When Count Orloff ordered a picture of the Russian 
 Admiral who would not leave his burning ship, but shared 
 its fate, the artist objected that he could not paint this, • 
 as he had never seen a ship blown up. The Count imme- 
 diately bought an old man-of-war, and blew it up for the 
 artist's instruction. 
 
 Democracy : " In every village there will arise a mis- 
 creant, to establish the most grinding tyranny, by calling 
 himself " the people P " — Peel. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 LONDON: 
 Printed by Schulze and Co., 13, Poland Street. 
 
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