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GIUSEPPINO. 
 
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 AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 
 
 " I am ambitious of a molly coat." — Shakspeare. 
 
 
 PHILADELPHIA; 
 
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 H. C. CAREY & I. LEA— CHESNUT ST. 
 
 1822. 
 

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<BaTO3RIPIPaSWD 
 
 I. 
 
 To tell good stories is extremely pleasant; 
 
 To hear or read tberrr^too, is quite agreeable; 
 And, from the courtier downward to the peasant, 
 
 Tales are retailed by all. — You'll even see a Belle 
 Or Dandy thus employed: so I, at present, 
 
 If Dan Apollo will but render me able, 
 Am much inclined to give you a short specimen 1 
 Of what occurred to one of the most dressy men- 
 
6 GIUSEPP1NO. 
 
 II. 
 
 Authorship now is an improving business; 
 
 If one can strike out matters that are novel. 
 Though authors' brains will often get a dizziness, 
 
 From too much labour, or be forced to grovel 
 In plagiarisms, undoubtedly it is an ease 
 
 To knock out rhyme or prose, whether a hovel 
 Or palace be the scene of the disturbance 
 Which we describe, among hats, caps, or turbans. 
 
 III. 
 
 Yet wonderful it is, I sing and say, 
 
 Most marvellous, what ever-varied changes 
 
 Of narrative are dealt out, every day, 
 As Fancy, in her drunken frolics, ranges 
 
 Throughout Invention's heaven and hell!— Delay 
 Is dangerous, however wild and strange is 
 
 What I 'm about to write, so I must write it 
 
 For fear some other person should indite it. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 
 IV. 
 
 I sate me down, good folk, to tell a story, 
 Of which, 1 own, the truth might be suspected, 
 
 Even by credulous people; and, what's more, I 
 Freely confess, I cannot recollect it: 
 
 But yet it was a vision of such glory 
 
 I scarcely can suppose ye would reject it. 
 
 'Twas all about a Lady and a Knight, 
 
 Who said and did — what I've forgotten quite. 
 
 V. 
 
 In search of scenes and incidents I read 
 
 Near half the old romances, through and through, 
 
 Which Southey has brought backward from the dead, 
 With most Galvanic labour; and, anew, 
 
 With steel clad wights, in peril was I led, 
 Till weary of their toils and mine I grew: 
 
 So the chief knowledge gathered from my reading 
 
 Is what I'll mention as we are proceeding. 
 
GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 VI, 
 
 I found, that many a literary Chieftain, 
 
 Had culled the gems from out this antique treasure; 
 That what they left was by each humbler thief ta'en, 
 
 To put iosome new fiction at his leisure; 
 1 found— but guess'— no, you can't guess my grief ta'en, 
 
 At finding— Oh, presumption beyond measure!— 
 That collar- makers— I can scarce get farther 
 Had actually collared poor King Arthur. 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 Stanza the sixth alludes to the " Prospectus 
 
 And specimen of an intended national 
 Poem," the Messieurs Whistlecraft project us; 
 
 And, all must own, their poetry is rational, 
 Not like to Pye's or Cottle's— Heaven protect us!— 
 
 Nor should their pens remain much longer stational: 
 For Arthur may regain his crown in Britain, 
 In consequence of what those bards have written. 
 (signed) A Commentator. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 
 
 VII. 
 
 I next discovered, that the folk of quality 
 Had not, of yore, such numerous expedients 
 
 To kill Time and themselves, as the plurality 
 Of modern genteel people. The ingredients 
 
 With which they sweetened up the cold reality 
 Were tourneys and such savage kinds of pageants, 
 
 Wherein legs, arms, and necks oft got a fracture, 
 
 Although of the most giant manufacture. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Sad was the situation of the fair, 
 
 Long, while a Bolingbroke, or a Plantagenet 
 Was king in London, (a great lord elsewhere) 
 
 When one short week had stupor for an age in it, 
 To " ladies gay," who spent the livelong year, 
 
 Remote from Town, and truly would imagine it 
 Extravagant to give, in their own halls, 
 During that livelong year, one dozen balls. 
 
|0 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Then was the ton, indeed a weighty matter, 
 Which Fancy moved but every hundred years 
 
 To a new pressure! 7 hen a lady, at her 
 
 First coming out, wore the same woman's gears 
 
 Which she wore on, (unless she grew much falter) 
 Till she was going out; when lo, appears 
 
 Her daughter, decked in the same antique millinery, 
 
 With much manslaughter and intent to kill in her eye. 
 
 X. 
 'Twas better with them, as historians tell us, 
 
 In bluff King Hal's reigo, and some time before him; 
 Though wives dared seldom flirt with civil fellows, 
 
 In preseuce of their husbands, just to bore 'em. 
 They feared to make the horrid creatures jealous, 
 
 And females were taught notions of decorum, 
 Stiff as their stomacher's tight elongation, 
 Or neck cloths of this stiff-necked generation. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 11 
 
 XI. 
 
 Oh, could they have made books like lady M n, 
 
 What patchwork had we seen of feudal foolery! 
 
 Each lady's head, like that of lady Gorgon, 
 Had left us hard examples of their drollery, 
 
 And we had known the centuries afore-gone, 
 From banquet-hall quite downward to the scullery! 
 
 Would that our dear ancestresses had been crazy, 
 
 With some diverting- kind of idiosyncrasy . 
 
 XII. 
 
 The men of rank, in those times, when they wanted 
 To make a figure, struck with Glory's charms, 
 
 Scarce ever with their neighbours' wives galanted, 
 Because they seldom were on visiting terms 
 
 With the said neighbours; but like souls undaunted, 
 They sought but to be clasped in iron arms, 
 
 Till having killed some hundreds, and robbed more. 
 
 They grew much greater than they were before. 
 
|2 CIUSEPPINO. 
 
 XIII. 
 Good rest to them!— If t'were not for the rages, 
 
 The feudal jars, and uproars, and spoliations, 
 In which they toiled for Honor's bubble wages, 
 
 What had become of all the modern nations? 
 But for those Malthuses of earlier ages, 
 
 We'd have such overflowing populations, 
 Mothers their supernumerary brats 
 Should drown, precisely as we drown young cats. 
 
 XIV. 
 And had those gentles by unlucky chances, 
 
 Behaved with more good humour, as they ought, 
 Nor been so fond of handling swords and lances, 
 
 And other tools wherewith Death's work is wrought, 
 Where had been all our verse and prose romances, 
 
 Tragedies, tales of wonder, and what not? 
 For my part, I'm quite glad, that martial rivalry 
 Produced such ruffians in the days of chivalry. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORF. 13 
 
 XV. 
 
 Thus love of glory, and thus love of acres, 
 
 Have been, to us, great sources of diversion: 
 But, had the folk called Knights, like those called Qua- 
 kers, 
 Shown to field-sports an obstinate aversion, 
 Our best bards should be less esteemed than bakers, 
 
 Far less than butchers; — for their keen exertion 
 Could not extract one subject out of History, 
 The straight line of our prosing thoughts to twist awry. 
 
 XVI. 
 I recollect, my boyhood loved to pore 
 
 On ballad and romaunt, till I was grown 
 Such an admirer of the days of yore, 
 
 I hated every face I looked upon, 
 Because contemporary chins no more 
 
 Displayed such beards as earlier chins had on; 
 And I regretted much not to have been 
 Born in an Edward's or a Harry's reign, 
 
14 GIUISEPPIKO. 
 
 XVII. 
 But now Pve changed ray notions; and, indeed, 
 
 Bless my good planets, that I live in days 
 When he who likes may safely wear his head, 
 
 And carry it to concerts, or to plays, 
 To hear the Stevens warble, or to read 
 
 How Shakspeare thought, and all that Nature says, 
 In mightiest eloquence, of gesture, mien, 
 And voice, when fiction's wrought to truth by Kean. 
 
 XVIII. 
 I like such pleasant places, too, as Vauxhall, 
 
 Where ears drink music, eyes drink brilliant sights, 
 And mouths drink liquids for which they from box call, 
 
 And all is jollity; while numerous lights 
 Shine so agreeably, around the walks all, 
 
 It makes one think of the Arabian Nights, 
 Where Asiatic gentlemen have found 
 Almost as pretty places, underground. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 15 
 
 XIX. 
 
 f might enumerate some hundred thousand 
 Other improvements, of which we're possest. — 
 
 A gentleman may have a country-house, and 
 A town-house both, besides some fairy nest, 
 
 Some pastoral cottage, to retire from crowds, and 
 Display, in laying out, his charming taste, 
 
 Without being laughed at or accused of magic; 
 
 The consequence of which was once quite tragic. 
 
 XX. 
 
 I like to find public and private folly 
 
 Proclaimed in newspapers with vast celerity; 
 
 I like critiques, where new books, grave or jolly, 
 Are tattered by Reviewers with severity; 
 
 I like replies from the authors, in a volley, 
 Attacking the Reviewers with temerity; 
 
 I like all kinds of talking and of writing, 
 
 Wherewith folks are delighted and delighting. 
 
GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 I like to see accounts of public meetings, 
 And all that's said at eloquent societies: 
 
 How orators stood up, amidst loud greetings, 
 And stoutly uttered several improprieties, 
 
 Railing at dignities, and other great things, 
 Mocking authority, however high it is, 
 
 Till tired they cease, while thunders of applause 
 
 Stun, and repay them, from the rabble's jaws. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 No doubt this rage for most outrageous speeches 
 May be quite foolish, as is humbly hinted, 
 
 For the chameleon people's cheering screeches, 
 Their approbation roared, with roar unstinted, 
 
 Nay even the ticklesome delight that twitches 
 
 Speechmakers when they see their speeches printed', 
 
 Cannot be worth much loss of time and toil, 
 
 But is diverting, certainly, meanwhile. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 17 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 In the grim days of those old cut-throat sinners, 
 Our forefathers, such doings were unheard of. — 
 
 They never trespassed against public dinners, 
 With a few observations, to be cheered off; 
 
 O blithe amusements of which we are winners! — 
 Placemen of old, would tear the patriot's beard off 
 
 Whose tongue should dare, from motive right or sinister, 
 
 To pour the least abuse on prince or minister. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 This is a liberal age, and full of charity, 
 
 When.mobs may bellow freely against slavery; 
 
 When demagogues may rant, for popularity, 
 Just as they're urged by Folly, or by knavery. 
 
 Freedom, of yore, could have no sort of parity 
 
 With ours, which lets us talk with so much bravery; 
 
 Wherefore 1 like to live at present, rather 
 
 Than long before my great great great grandfather. 
 B2 
 
18 C.IUSEPPINO. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 Besides, if any curious person chooses 
 To take a peep at matters as they were, 
 
 Hundreds of years ago, when he peruses 
 Those books I mentioned, is no longer here, 
 
 But in far centuries, till the leaves he closes, 
 And then he comes back to the present year: 
 
 Now thus alone would I such ages view, — 
 
 At intervals, for just a day or two. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Then, as to Faith: — if now a man would travel 
 To Pandemonium, where so many are gone, 
 
 He may go post; — no priest shall dare behave ill, 
 Or damn him with book, candle, bell, and jargon, 
 
 Because his sturdy wits cannot unravel 
 
 The creeds wherewith so many have so far gone. 
 
 None are killed now, with dagger, fire, or ropery, 
 
 For not believing Calvinism or Popery. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 19 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 For all those reasons, may I be a saint if 
 
 I think one person, in his sober senses, 
 Should act, against this age, the part of plaintiff, 
 
 In praise of past imperfect times and tenses. 
 Nor do I heed what foolish poets paint, if 
 
 They claim our admiration of offences 
 Which formerly excited such unpleasantry 
 Amongst the mad nobility and peasantry^ 
 
 XXVIII. 
 However, 'tis allowed, by every critic, 
 
 Those bloody-minded bloods, of the old school, 
 Were than existing bloods much more poetic, 
 
 As having more of villain than of fool; 
 Whereas, 'tis evident, as arithmetic, 
 
 The latter go by a quite different rule, 
 And so the stuff of my intended story 
 Related to the wickedness called glory. 
 
20 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 It was in sooth a strange extravaganza, 
 
 Describing murders, mummeries, monks, and spec- 
 tres; 
 Tbe Devil too, as good as ever man saw, 
 
 Appeared therein— With hearts as hot as Hector's. 
 Some Knights were to have fought, through many a 
 stanza, 
 
 Cutting each other up like mad dissectors: 
 I would have even brought in a " white maiden," 
 
 But Pegasus would be too sorely laden. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 That steed became, at length, extremely daunted, 
 
 By the wild spirits, who, I quickly found, 
 Had all the Gothic Muse's castles haunted, 
 
 And swarm'd, like giants, o'er her fairy ground; 
 Else had I written what should have enchanted 
 
 Those who love feasting at the table round. 
 'I mean King Arthur's table, and not H — t's, 
 
 That dullest of our literary gas-lights!) 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 21 
 
 XXXI, 
 
 I bit my nails and pens, and then besprent all 
 My paper o'er with ink, in thought opprest, 
 
 Next, I resolved to write an Oriental 
 Tale, and set out in ' Travels to the East,' 
 
 Driving- away all notions Occidental. — 
 I formed a plot, and laid the scene, at last, 
 
 Somewhere between Calcutta and Aleppo, 
 
 When I bethought me of my old friend Beppo. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 Then,— as I opened wide the window-shutter, — 
 A light broke in on me, as bright as sudden. 
 
 Invention's wings began, at once, to flutter, 
 (They had been once a goose's,) so, by Woden. 
 
 I sate down, to soar far from dust or gutter, 
 
 While my good Genius said: " Pray where's the good 
 in 
 
 " Your knack at rhyming, if its versatility 
 
 " Can't afford matter for our risibility? 
 
2* ftlTSEPPTNO. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 " The Beppo has outdone the Epic style. — 
 " Most modern Epics really are provoking 
 
 " To sleep — and therefore, in a little while, 
 
 " The pack hight servum pecus shall have broken 
 
 " Into full cry; — leave your heroic toil, 
 
 " And start before them, till you have your book in 
 
 ■ The gripe of printer's demons!" — on this hint, 
 
 I wrote, — and having written, came to print. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 But how to make a story? — There's the puzzle! 
 
 Foregad, we have such multitudes to tell us 
 Stories on stories, both of those that guzzle 
 
 At Helicon, and plain prosaick fellows, 
 That no one soon shall find a nook to nuzzle 
 
 In Fiction's storehouse: — Fate will yet compel us 
 To be mere readers. O ye geese and ganders, 
 Your wings shall cease to soar where Fancy wanders. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 23 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 And here, I humbly bint to Doctor Brewster, 
 
 That if he'd make us a kaleidoscope 
 To strike new subjects out, at every new stir, 
 
 'Twould give poor authors a consoling hope; 
 For though the Muses, when we call them, do stir, 
 
 They're monstrous indolent, and apt to mope. 
 The three times three, of late, are growing slatterns, 
 As I suppose, for want of good new patterns. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 I'll try to coax one of them now a little 
 
 For something queer, good people, to revive you. 
 
 Some tale of luckless love will not befit ill 
 
 Your present taste, and this which now I give you 
 
 Will, without question, suit you to a tittle, 
 If ye are young men and intend to wive you. 
 
 Hear then the history, both sad and funny, 
 
 Of one who fell too much in love — with money. 
 
24 ouiseppino. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 This is the lore which first inflames the bosom, 
 When for a penny some dear infant screeches. 
 
 This is the love which constantly pursues 'em, 
 When fellows have got into coat and breeches, 
 
 And sigh for guineas, — then sigh for a new sum. — 
 This lasting passion to all bosoms reaches, 
 
 Strengthened by age's weakness: — all love sham is, 
 
 Compared with this same ' auri sacra fames.' 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 But hold: — I feel myself too serious now, 
 
 And must betake me once more to my banteriog, 
 
 Telling a tale, according to my vow, 
 In brisk attava rima, freely sauntering 
 
 After sweet speculations, high and low ; 
 Or, if I may, in a fine frenzy cantering 
 
 On reinless Pegasus, athwart whose saddle, 
 
 So many Gilpins have now got a- straddle. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 25 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 There was a gentleman who, in his youth, 
 Laid out a certain sum of time and money, 
 
 To gain a title, and his wish, forsooth, 
 Was only to be called a Macherone. 
 
 He flourished prior to that age uncouth 
 
 When our great grandsires learned to go alony, 
 
 Nor deemed, poor babes, that you and I should be 
 
 Hanged high, upon their genealogic tree. 
 
 XL. 
 
 And here, 'tis meet, in the first place, to tell ye 
 
 That this heroic hero of my ditty 
 Took his first breath and nurture in Italia, 
 
 And for some years inhabited the city 
 Whose euphonous name, which I anon will spell ye, 
 
 When clad in English, would excite your pity; 
 Our lowly language lames it to Leghorn; oh! 
 What a barbarian nickname for Livorno! 
 c 
 
26 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 XLI. 
 
 He was a youth of most genteel connections, 
 Whose father left him all his goods and chattels, 
 
 With an estate which had its imperfections, 
 Namely, that it should pay some female rattles 
 
 Enough to buy ihem husbands; and directions 
 Were also left, as busy Rumour prattles, 
 
 That all the debts of the preceding- squanderers 
 
 Should be paid off to stop the mouths of slanderers. 
 
 XLII. 
 
 But Giuseppino, (that is to say Joey,) — 
 
 I call him by the name he went at home by, — 
 
 Was disobedient, or forgetful, so he 
 Saw all the cash out which his sires had come by. 
 
 As is the practice of some very showy 
 
 Fellows elsewhere, till growing rather grum by 
 
 His want of credit, when he was <juite undone, 
 
 He came, upon no business, to London. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 27 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 Whither he brought his piciures; — most undoubted 
 Works of the greatest masters, — among these, he 
 
 Had some, (but 1 won't take my oath about it,) 
 Of Parmeggiano, Paolo Veronese, 
 
 And others. fie discoursed on Art, and quoted 
 Vasati and Lamazzo, like some we see: 
 
 For this collection, he got coin in plenty, 
 
 And got some laughter at the Conoscenti. 
 
 XLTV. 
 
 A week had scarcely past, ere he had taken 
 
 Magnificent apartments in a hotel; — 
 Became once more a fashionable rake, in 
 
 As short a time; — tried once to drink a bottle 
 Of sloe-juice yclept Port; — and, having shaken 
 
 The dice, with good effect, and, likewise, got ill 
 Luck a( cards sometimes — often won a little, — 
 Behold it was found out he had a title. 
 
28 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 And was, in fact, a Count; though, for some reason, 
 Of whim, or modesty, or both, or neither, 
 
 He kept his rank unknown, as if 'twere treason, 
 Nor seemed to value such affairs a feather, 
 
 Till what he deemed to be the proper season, 
 When Fortune's night became sunshiny weather 
 
 Wherein he made his hay, with such dexterity, 
 
 That several spoke of him with huge severity. 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 They said, and sung, and swore his legs were sable 
 Which, in their dialect, had some veracity. 
 
 They also thought, for some of them were able 
 To think, with most amazing pertinacity, 
 
 That he was fiendish, at a Faro table, 
 
 And that his neck should not have muslin as a tie; 
 
 But those remarks were not expressed as wittily 
 
 As some which had been made on him in Italy. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 29 
 
 xLvn. 
 
 Thus shone the Count in unexpected splendor, 
 
 Like days that I've remarked, in our wet summers, 
 
 When sullen Morning scarcely would surrender 
 Her cloudy mantle, and her ill-bred glum airs, 
 
 To a full- beaming Noon, that sighed so tender 
 
 'Twould almost melt the lead-works at a Plumber's 
 
 So brightened up the days of this our traveller, 
 
 Of whose resources I'll be no unraveller. 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 But he so favoured, was a wretch ungrateful ; 
 
 Oft was he heard, in broken English, swearing 
 Against all play, and damning that most hateful 
 
 Goddess of chance, as if she had been tearing 
 All his wealth from him, by her wiles deceitful; 
 
 Yet, while he said his luck was past all bearing, 
 Most strange to tell, his life grew more expensive, 
 And his genteel acquaintance was extensive. 
 g2 
 
30 G1USEPPINO. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Now you expect to hear of his galanting, 
 With alderwomen, actresses, countesses, 
 
 And other elegantes, who looked enchanting 1 . 
 Some undisguised, and others in fine dresses. 
 
 He had arrangements, doubtless, with some flaunting 
 Fair ones — whose names if tongue of mine confesses, 
 
 May it be persecuted for a libel, 
 
 And fare among the lawless legal tribe ill. 
 
 L. 
 
 Those female friends of his shall all be nameless; 
 
 Because, in truth, I have not yet invented 
 Even initials, so completely fameless, 
 
 As that all chance of strife shall be prevented, 
 With those who might pretend, that in my blameless 
 
 Tale some allusions ought to be resented, 
 And thence attempt, on an uncertain season, 
 To make a riddle of my seat of reason. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORV. 27 
 
 LI. 
 
 Thus far, in slippery verses, have I blundered, 
 
 With capability to rhyme and write on, 
 Through fifty stanzas more. — I've often wondered 
 
 At poems, till I sate down to endite one: 
 But see, J've dealt out upwards of four hundred 
 
 Passable lines! — However, I've no right on 
 Earth to defer, with various speculation, 
 Giving another glimpse of my narration. 
 
 LII. 
 
 At length with London tired, and all its misery, 
 Our Signor paid the town of Bath a visit, 
 
 (Some persons there repaid him,) while, with wiser eye 
 He looked about him: — but, alas, where is it 
 
 That Cupid can't intrude his magic vizor, eh? 
 "When did he fire at any mark and miss it?— 
 
 Oh, sooner than I'd face that fellow's fire, 
 
 I'd be a mark for Captain B. M e! 
 
32 GIUSEPP1N0. 
 
 LTII. 
 
 Ugh, I must think no more of this!— Where was I? 
 
 Saving that folk at Hath were sometimes amorous, 
 By Cupid or cupidity made crazy, 
 
 (Especially if creditors grew clamorous,) 
 And, therefore, Hymen there is no whit lazy, 
 
 And Love is neither timorous nor stammerous; 
 But, when his flames consume Eve's sons and daughters 
 How can they ever quench them with the waters? — 
 
 LIV. 
 
 So felt the only daughter of a widow, 
 
 Who, having lately come to quaff those famous 
 
 Waters, as hy some doctor she was bid do, 
 
 Abode, as chance directed, in the same house 
 
 That Giuseppino, at his coming, hied to, 
 Because *twaa situated near a game-house. 
 
 This widow was not beautiful nor healthy, 
 
 But every one declared that she was wealthy. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 33 
 
 LV. 
 
 The daughter was in person more engaging. — 
 Her eyes, indeed, had not the softest lustre, 
 
 But a bold sparkle, which appeared as waging 
 Battle to all men's eyes that might accost her; 
 
 And, when the warfare of stout looks was raging, 
 Not even the steadiest starer could disgust her, 
 
 But when she chose, and she would choose, to eye you, 
 
 Her ocular words were, mostly ' I defy you!' 
 
 LVI. 
 
 Such was the natural language of her glances; 
 
 Nevertheless she had the needful art 
 To know that meek expression but enhances 
 
 The power of brightest eyes against a heart; 
 She showed great tactics, then, in her advances, 
 
 Was sentimental, flirtish, grave, or smart, 
 According to the temper of the squire 
 To mar whose singleness she might aspire. 
 
34 GHJ8EPPINO. 
 
 LV1I. 
 
 Her figure was in no degree too slender, 
 Yel, though quite energetic, not nnnleasing; 
 
 It seemed more fit for one of masculine gender; 
 Therefore you'll all suppose that I am quizzing, 
 
 When 1 assure you, that her health was tender. 
 She sometimes had a cough so very teasiug 
 
 That, when Iter mother and she coughed together. 
 
 The hearers used to say their lungs were leather. 
 
 LVIIl. 
 
 But though her person was not very slight, 
 'Twas merely plump, not Flemishly attractive. 
 
 Her gait was of the dancing kind, as light 
 
 As if 'twere learned in Fiance from the most active, 
 
 Her e}es were clearly black, and darkly bright, 
 Seeming to know their twinkle was effective, 
 
 Her face was much more comical than tragic, 
 
 And would induce one to believe in magic. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY oi 
 
 LIX. 
 
 Poor lady! 'twas surprising slie should be 
 So sick at one time.; and so well another; 
 
 Should, in a morning-, look quite full of glee, 
 And bark, at eve, as if about to smother. 
 
 Her age was but approaching twenty-three, 
 
 (Some doubted this account) and though her mother 
 
 Had several thousand pounds, in store, to give her, 
 
 She had bad symptoms, both of lungs and liver. 
 
 LX. 
 
 This circumstance attracted the attention 
 Of our outlandish man of rank and fashion, 
 
 Who, on the strength of title and pretension, 
 Resolved, at once, to entertain a passion 
 
 For his fair neighbour; and 'twas his intention, 
 To be possessed of the aforesaid cash, on 
 
 Her dying soon, as every one expected: 
 
 Nor was his humble servantship rejected. 
 
 
36 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXI. 
 
 Well pleased he heard her cough increasing" daily, 
 But undelighted saw her cheek's good colour: 
 
 One time, indeed, she looked a little palely, 
 And her wild eyes became a somewhat duller, 
 
 Which made her swain feel in proportion gaily, 
 So that his protestations grew much fuller, 
 
 And he attacked her, with the usual battery, 
 
 Of fair looks, false oaths, fooleries, and flattery. 
 
 LXII. 
 
 He owned that his estates had been embarrassed, 
 Though matters now were nearly set aright; 
 
 That creditors, (he damned them all,) had harassed 
 Him much; but all his prospects now were bright, 
 
 As an old uncle, who was living far east, 
 
 (A Bishop,) should before long bid good night 
 
 To his large purse; nor had he any person 
 
 But his dear nephew to bestow that curse on. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 37 
 
 Lxni. 
 
 He popped the question, and was answered * Yes.' 
 
 The day arrived, as soon as it was able, 
 On which the spinster vowed his hopes to bless, 
 
 So Hymen tied them tightly with his cable. 
 Some waiting maid, of course, as you may guess, 
 
 Forwarded this denouement of the fable, 
 Nor hinted that the damsel had a lover, 
 Till, as the saying is, it was all over. 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 At least 'tis certain that, if she did tell, 
 
 No one pretended to be much the wiser; 
 But, I suppose, she kept the secret well, 
 
 For she was bribed, unless Report belies her: 
 Nor could she hope, by blabbing, to compel 
 
 Her mistress, (an incorrigible miser,) 
 To thank her; yet, she had a wish, no doubt, 
 To let her knowledge, even for nothing, out. 
 
38 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXV. 
 
 On the said morn she went, with face as long, 
 As a round dimpled visage would allow her. 
 
 To bring the earliest tidings of the wrong 
 
 To her commandress, ere she'd left her bower; 
 
 With well-dissembled fright, and faltering tongue 
 She made the strange communication to her. 
 
 Imagine then, how great was her surprise, 
 
 When it scarce made the matron ope her eyes! 
 
 LXVI. 
 
 She heeded not the damsel's whine and flutter, 
 Who then appeared nearly as pale, I'm certain, 
 
 Ashe who, fehakspeare says, was slow to stutter 
 Bad news, one night, on drawing Priam's curtain. 
 
 The elder female was but heard to mutter 
 
 About another nap, — and seemed, in short, in . 
 
 No kind of grief, as if she had been guessing, 
 
 Like Priam, the intelligence distressing. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 39 
 
 LXVII. 
 
 Then did the lass become intensely curious 
 
 To know the reason of such wondrous quietude, 
 In one whom trifles often had made furious; 
 She spoke as loudly as one in a riot would, 
 Till her exertions seemed to be injurious, 
 Which vexed the dame, (and I don't wonder why it 
 should) 
 Who rose, and dashed some water at her visage, 
 And kicked her— which will make some laugh in this age. 
 
 LXVIII. 
 
 Meantime the happy pair were swiftly speeding, 
 Though not, indeed, upon the wings of love, 
 
 Nor faster than the vehicle was proceeding, 
 In whose enclosure all unseen they drove. 
 
 The Count looked often back, but quite unheeding 
 The bride seemed of pursuit; while wicked Jove 
 
 Laughed hugely, at the false vows of each lover, 
 
 As fast they fled along the road to Dover. 
 
40 GIUSEPPI1SO. 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 Where, when arrived, they did not long delay, 
 But stepped into the vessel that was bound 
 
 To take some curious people to Calais, 
 ( \ town just opposite on Gallic ground.) 
 
 And here I have a word or two to say, 
 
 And three or four plain questions to propound, 
 
 Which though my tale is not concerned a whit in, 
 
 They'll add some stanzas more to what is written. 
 
 LXX. 
 
 Say, reader, have you ever had the pleasure 
 To feel affected by the travelling mania; 
 
 To leave behind the beef and mutton treasure, 
 And other solid blessings of Britannia; 
 
 And is it not delightful, beyond measure, 
 
 To find yourself in France, away, from many a 
 
 Homefelt annoyance, such as freedom's sons 
 
 Feel oft from freedom's enemies, the Duns? 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 41 
 
 LXX1. 
 
 Is it not charming-, there, to stare around you 
 Where all is novelty, like our fine weather; 
 
 To hear the French talk French, while they surround you, 
 And wonder how they understand each other, 
 
 To hearken, and find all attempts confound you 
 At guessing- what they mean by all their pother; 
 
 To answer them in Ang-lo-gallic g-abble 
 
 Such as no bricklayer could speak at Babel? 
 
 LXXII. 
 
 To drive to Paris is a pleasant thing-, 
 
 If you're not borne by some unpleasant motion, 
 
 To see the populace salute the king, 
 And weep, and show some signs of great emotion, 
 
 Just as they did, before Miss Chance could bring 
 Napoleon back from Elba, to encroach on 
 
 The royal rights, and claim their gratulation, 
 
 On his first droll attempt at abdication. 
 r>2 
 
42 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 
 To ramble, or to rumble through the city, 
 And learn what several scores of factions say; 
 
 To meet some members of the big banditti 
 
 Whose spoil was empire, and against whose sway 
 
 Kings formed themselves into a grand committee. 
 Or they had stolen kingdoms, to this day, 
 
 And millions had been cursing Bonaparte, 
 
 Nor dare Sir Hudson keep on him a smart eye. 
 
 LXXIV. 
 
 Next to betake you a la comedie, 
 
 Where some new tragedy has ta'en its station, 
 Which tout le monde, (that's half the town) must see, 
 
 An earnest eager listening congregation, 
 Such as no sermon could attract pardie! — 
 
 Said play of course shall rouse a great sensation, 
 From some severe political allusion 
 That draws forth claps and hisses and confusion. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY; 43 
 
 LXXV. 
 
 There may you see all orders of the French 
 
 Look, till the fray take place, as grave as judges, 
 
 Who, not without a causey sit on the bench, 
 To try and hear: — no not a person budges, 
 
 From la Duchesse down to the orange-wench; 
 
 (If you should doubt me you may ask the Fudges.) 
 
 But all there gaze and hearken, the whole time, 
 
 While the poor players must converse in rhyme. 
 
 LXXVI. 
 
 There Anger's never in too great a passion, 
 For, if he were, it would destroy the measure 
 
 Of the heroic verses which must dash on, 
 In regular bound, only affording leisure 
 
 For emphasis to grace the declamation, 
 
 Just four times in each line; so now to ease your 
 
 Doubts regarding my true and argutie observation. 
 
 In these lines you peruse its exemplification. 
 
44 GIUSEPP1N0. 
 
 LXXVII. 
 
 In this measure, the lover must whine all his woes; 
 
 In this measure, the heroine saddens at each; — 
 In this measure, the hero abuses his foes; 
 
 In this measure, when dying- delivers his speech;— 
 In this measure — Oh murder how headlong- it goes! 
 
 It requires most distressing- exertion to reach 
 The decimo-syllabic lines anew: — 
 And see, poor Pegasus has lost a shoe! 
 
 LXXVIII. 
 
 Go to the Opera, (if you must g-o,) also: 
 But, if you can, don't listen to the music; 
 
 For there poor harmony has learned to bawl so 
 
 It would make me sick, and it might make you sick: 
 
 Besides the Figurantes, there, are all so 
 
 Charming- the sig-ht of them would make a Jew sick. 
 
 Such strange effect music and dance can take, — 
 
 One causes heads, the other hearts to ache. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 45 
 
 LXXIX. 
 
 Then there are other theatres, with players 
 
 Not less theatric, tragic or ridiculous, 
 Such as the factories for making- prayers, 
 
 Seeing and being seen; and the periculous 
 Law-courts, with scores of mystical man-slayers, 
 
 And new ' Affairs of Fualdes' whose fasciculus 
 Of judges, lawyers, witnesses, and culprits, 
 Shall act as well as Kean does, before full pits. 
 
 LXXX. 
 
 There every thing that's ever said or done 
 
 Is represented with the best effect. 
 Men, women, children, all and every one, 
 
 Are perfect in their parts; but I suspect, 
 The} have not such a turn for farce and fun, 
 
 As heretofore; and now I recollect, 
 Some of their conspirations are quite frightful, 
 Though, at a distance, they may seem delightful. 
 
46 
 
 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXXXI. 
 
 I would not here be understood to state 
 
 That, when the pair 1 mentioned went to Paris, 
 
 They found such things as those of which I prate, 
 Although that age had several strange vagaries, 
 
 In dress, talk, manners, now gone out of date. 
 
 Those pleased them much; but every one who marries 
 
 Shall find, that honey-moons are rather stupid, 
 
 Though Plutus make the match instead of Cupid. 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 If wed to a young dame, you must look smugly, 
 
 And seem to love, as though your heart would blister; 
 
 But, if you've wed the fortune of some ugly 
 Hag that is like Medusa's elder sister, 
 
 Surely, though you have touched the rhino snugly, 
 'Tis punishment enough, once to have kissed her. 
 
 In such a case, I will be bold to say, 
 
 'Tis hard a "body cannot run away. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 47 
 
 LXXXIII. 
 
 But those of whom I scribble suffered more 
 
 Annoyance than is usual in such cases; 
 Both felt distrest, even to the bosom's core. 
 
 And looked but shyly in each others faces, 
 Nor found they much relief, in twenty score 
 
 Of novel scenes, at all the public places, 
 For each felt rather apprehensive that 
 The other should find out — you'll soon know what. — 
 
 LXXXIV. 
 
 'Tis usual, when they've got their hero wedded, 
 
 For story-tellers all to think of resting; 
 But mine's anew attempt. — I have not dreaded 
 
 To make even wedlock somewhat interesting! 
 And though my draggled muse is quite light-headed, 
 
 And has a most confounded trick of jesting, 
 This is a tale of wo, and hope's miscarriage, 
 Which very properly begins with marriage. 
 
48 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 Marriage, thou musical accord of gladness! 
 
 Thou most discordant bond of deadly jarring! 
 Thou loveliest hope of lovers in their madness! 
 
 Thou direst plague of those who don't like sparringl 
 Sweetener of all home-comforts! Source of sadness! 
 
 Thou maddest step of passion the most daring! 
 What shall I sing of thee? — By heavenly Hymen, 
 This question is, I think, enough to try men. 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 
 Peruse the history of all past ages; 
 
 Read Plutarch, Aikin, all books of biography; 
 Next learn the sentiments of all the sages 
 
 Whose fame is handed to us by orthography; 
 Consult all people in the various stages 
 
 Of life, throughout all places known to geography. 
 Before you yield to wedded love's dominion; 
 For I intend to give you no opinion. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 49 
 
 LXXXVII. 
 
 At length the Count one night with wine light-headed 
 Discovered thus the cause of his distresses: 
 
 " My sweet Rebecca, when with me you wedded, 
 " It seems you thought, unless I make bad guesses, 
 
 " That I had gqf; a title, when I said it; 
 
 " And counted yourself one among Countesses. 
 
 M Love made me then deceive: — but now no more 
 
 " Do I pretend to be than plain Signor. 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 
 " I likewise, told you something of a bishop: 
 " 'Tis true I once had such a wealthy uncle; 
 
 " But death, long since, has made him part with his shop; 
 " Dim is that face where shone each bright carbuncle! 
 
 " What loaves and fish he had contrived to fish up, 
 " He left, before his cup of life was drunk all, 
 
 " To be divided by his natural progenies, 
 
 " And died, as some say, poorer than Diogenes. 
 
50 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 " The truth is that my only expectations 
 " Are from the fortune your mamma must give you.' 
 
 His hearer tittered, spite of her vexations, 
 And gave him this droll answer: " To relieve you 
 
 " From all mistakes, good sir, I crave you* patience, 
 1 And as I've now no reason to deceive you, 
 
 M I must declare my fortune's not a livre — 
 
 " You stare! — no, 'pon my honor, not a stiver. 
 
 XC. 
 
 " The woman whom you took for my progenitrix 
 " Was nought to me, except as sprung from Adam. 
 
 " We only played a farce composed of many tricks, 
 " For which, as manager, I paid old madam, 
 " In short we were quite competent to any tricks, 
 " And counterfeited ailments till we had 'em; 
 
 " Hoping some gull of fortune to entangle; 
 
 " But I've been bit: — and now don't let us wrangle. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. ol 
 
 XCI. 
 
 M How now! you see that I am in good humour, 
 " And, surely, I have cause to feel some fury. — 
 
 '• Your nether lip looks very like a tumour, 
 " UpoD my word, you would succeed at Drury, 
 
 " As an Othello, you're so like a true Moor: 
 " I leave this matter to a judge and jury. — 
 
 " What a fine — tragic roll — your eyes have got!—- 
 
 *' Oh — I shall — burst with laughing — on this spot!" 
 
 XCII. 
 
 The wight grew sober instantly; — he hurried, 
 
 Along the room, three times, backwards and forwards; 
 
 His jovial leer was gone; but somewhat flurried 
 Seemed he in temper; — neither hiccup nor words 
 
 Broke from him, for some time; his eyes grew lurid; 
 Nor did he hear his wife who uttered more words 
 
 But curst his stars, in English and Etruscan, 
 
 As well as any hero of the buskin. 
 
52 GiusEPPiNe. 
 
 XCIII. 
 Said he: " O San Michele ed ogni sand! — 
 
 " Aimaladette siantutte le stelle! — 
 " Son rovinato! — Cruel Parcae, shan't ye 
 
 " Henceforth afford me favour? — O che belle 
 " Nozze mi son fatte omai!'" — With such rant, he 
 
 Expressed his rage: but, I must plainly tell ye, 
 That were his whole speech here 'twould be intolerable; 
 And, to report it I am not a scholar able. 
 
 XCIV. 
 
 Well, tired, at length, he listened to his lady 
 Who thus exhorted him; " I really wonder 
 
 11 Much at this scene;— for shame, sir, be more steady. 
 " 'Tis plain that each of us has made a blunder, 
 
 " In trying- to grow richer: and I'm ready 
 
 " To break the bonds of wedlock you groan under; 
 
 " So, if you please, pack up, and on the morrow, 
 
 " Abscond; but think not that I'll die of sorrow." 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 53 
 
 xcv. 
 
 Her husband brightened at this hint, and swore 
 By six or seven saints, that he would never 
 
 Desert so generous a spouse. — Much more 
 Was said, upon this subject, than shall ever 
 
 Appear in print. When their discourse was o'er, 
 
 They gave themselves to sleep, the sweet deceiver. — 
 
 Next morn the lady, waking all alone, 
 
 Found her advice was ta'en — her husband gone. 
 
 XCVI. 
 
 I need not mind describing how well tempered 
 The widowed wife appeared, at this discovery. 
 
 Some say she laughed, and no one says she whimpered; 
 But, certainly, as to her quondam lover, he 
 
 Cared not a fig whether she wept or simpered; 
 But, casting off all care, away he drove, very 
 
 Gaily, no more with matrimony hampered, 
 
 And, once again, in search of fortune scampered. 
 E 2 
 
54 eiusEPPiNo. 
 
 XOVII. 
 The parted couple did not meet with any 
 
 Adventure worth recounting-, til] some winters 
 Had turned, on springs, to summers just as many. 
 
 So, rea-ler, as you would not care three splinters 
 To hear of them meanwhile, (and, to be plain, I 
 
 Am longing- to be ready for the printers,) 
 We'd better skip the intervening period, 
 And come, at once, to something that is very odd. 
 
 XCVIII. 
 
 My heroine, having become governante, 
 
 By some chance, to an English merchant's daughteTS ; 
 Sailed with them to the fruitful isle of Zante, 
 
 Where dwelt their father; and, while on the waters, 
 Began to tell, how her perfido amante 
 
 Had gone to seek his fortune, while she sought her's. 
 This tale the listeners did much admire at, 
 Till seamen bawled on deck; " we're chased— a pirate!" 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL. STORY. 55 
 
 XCIX. 
 
 Then was the tale cut shorter. — The young" women 
 Grew suddenly devout; their prayers they prayed, 
 
 As fast as lightning; and, as fast, the seamen 
 Uttered loud oaths above. The captain bade 
 
 All sails be crowded: but the Osmanlimen 
 Gained fast, upon the fugitives dismayed, 
 
 Who now agreed, that, without more hubbubbing, . 
 
 'Twere best to yield, and save themselves a drubbing, 
 
 C. 
 
 The flag is struck; no more the Christian men try 
 To flee; no more the bullets whiz and whistle. 
 
 And now the blustering copper-coloured gentry, 
 With turbaned heads, and chins of roughest bristle, 
 
 On board the prize, make their triumphal entry, 
 Looking as grim as if their hearts were gristle, 
 
 And straight began to rummage, and to rifle, 
 
 Which terrified the females, not a trifle. 
 
56 0IUSEPPINO. 
 
 CI. 
 Their leader spoke a deal of lingua Franca^ 
 
 And, for a Blackamoor, seemed rather yellow, 
 And, though a Mussulman, he freely drank a 
 
 Goblet of wine, like any northern fellow; 
 Which Mahomet declares to be a prank, a 
 
 Believer should not play, with fiends to bellow; 
 J Tis just as if, in Italy, some glutton 
 Should, on a Friday, cram down beef or mutton. 
 
 CII. 
 
 The freebooters next laid a strict embargo 
 On all the persons whom they had delayed, in 
 
 Their purposed voyage, and made every tar go 
 Under the hatches, while his Moorship made an 
 
 Inquiry of the value of the cargo, 
 
 And as to with what goods the ship was laden, 
 
 Who, being told that there were females in it, 
 
 Swore he should go and see them all, that minute. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STOHY. 57 
 
 cm. 
 
 And, to the cabin, down he went instanter, 
 Where he no sooner popped his goodly nose in, 
 
 Than screamed the misses, as if some enchanter 
 Were come to take them to the fiend his cousin. 
 
 He made a bow: — no man could look gallanter; 
 But, at that very moment, half a dozen 
 
 Big swelling billows gave the ship a jog, 
 
 And knocked him stumbling forward like a log, 
 
 CIV. 
 
 Till he came right against the foremost lady 
 Who was about to curtsy low, in answer, 
 
 f I beg ten thousand pardons madam," said he, 
 In English. "Blood and — hem!" said she " no man, sir, 
 
 " Could have appeared, in such a case, more steady 
 " Than you have done; nor might the nicest dancer 
 
 f Have taken other steps than those you took." 
 
 This speech the Moor replied to, by a look; 
 
fitJ (5IUSEPPINO. 
 
 cv. 
 
 A look of fun — and then a stare of wonder. 
 
 "Corpo di Bacco! Diavol! Sant' Antonio! 
 " Eh," quolh the Corsair, " Ma'am, unless I'm under 
 
 " A great mistake, I heretofore have known you." 
 She stared at him, as if his words were thunder, 
 
 Half screamed a laugh, and said; " O fie upon you! 
 " That Barbary habit has so barbarised you, 
 " I hardly ever should have recognised you! 
 
 CVI. 
 
 " Well, how d'ye do? — but Giuseppino, tell me, 
 " Where have you been, and what have you been doing, 
 
 li Those few yean past? Some droll mishaps befel me, 
 " After your flight. And so you've been pursuing 
 
 " Honest men ways. — Do you intend to sell me, 
 " When we arrive at Fez?— Why you are going 
 
 " Fast to the — What the deuce can have induced you 
 
 " To take to robbing? What has it produced you?" 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 59 
 
 CVII. 
 
 fie answered: " you well know, that my religious 
 "Opinions, formerly, were quite licentious: 
 
 'But I found conscience growing too litigious; 
 " And, I assure you, 'twas from conscientious 
 
 * Motives I changed — Why what is there prodigious 
 " In me or my discourse, my pretty wenches, 
 
 1 That you express astonishment, in ocular 
 
 ' Language, and seem to be so very jocular? 
 
 CVIII. 
 
 " The only persons I despoil, at present, 
 " Are merchants — the mere pest of all society - 
 
 " Who with their luxuries, have to decay sent 
 " So many states, destroying all sobriety. 
 
 "The faith of Islam, too, is rather pleasant, 
 
 " Though sometimes I have doubts, in great variety, 
 
 1 Whether they have the right receipt, Rebecca, 
 
 i For saving people's souls, at Rome, or Mecca. 
 
60 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 CIX. 
 
 " Enough of this* — I have acquired some riches, 
 
 " By my profession, and our laws allow 
 " Each male to conjugate four females, which is 
 
 " A very good law: but I'm married, now, 
 " Only to three divine Circassian witches: 
 
 " So you shall be my fourth first wife, I vow, 
 " I've thirty children, most of whom, my pretty mate, 
 " Are very little more than illegitimate. 
 
 CX. 
 
 " Then you must change your name, my good sultana, 
 " The Turks have christened me: my name is Solyman. 
 
 " You shall be Fatima or Roxalana, 
 
 " And, though a renegado, I'm a jolly man, 
 
 " As you shall find." She gave her Mussulman a 
 Goodly assent: (denial would be folly man.) 
 
 Their conversation then became long-winded; 
 
 (If you read half of it you would be blinded.) 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 61 
 
 CXI. 
 
 At her request, he did not rob the vessel 
 
 Which brought his rib, upon this expedition; 
 
 Though, I believe, the Rover could repress ill 
 His wish to do so; at his wife's petition, 
 
 He likewise gave the spinisters vastly less ill 
 
 Treatment than they feared from his bad volition, 
 
 And, to the sailors, was so very civil, 
 
 He told them they might all sail to the d 1. 
 
 CXII. 
 
 They, I suppose, all followed his advice; 
 
 For none of them liked sailing to beatitude; 
 But the young ladies, who should be more nice, 
 
 Spoke of his wife and him with much ingratitude; 
 No sooner free from fright, but, in a trice, 
 
 They gave their tongues such longitude and latitude, 
 As to make game of both, nor once remark yet 
 His goodness in not sending them to market. 
 
6* GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 CXIII. 
 
 Solyman and his wife got home soon after. 
 
 He introduced her to his Eastern wives; 
 At which she hardly could refrain from laughter, 
 
 Though they had ne'er looked graver, in their lives, 
 Than when their lord declared he would engraft her 
 
 On his establishment. — My tale arrives 
 Near the catastrophe, and I ask pardon, 
 At this place, reader, for it is a hard one. 
 
 CXIV. 
 
 Those five lived on, quite merrily together, 
 For many following years, and spent their leisure, 
 
 In various ways; the gentlewomen neither 
 Quarrelled, norscratched each other, nor took pleasure 
 
 In scolding, while their valiant chieftain either 
 Amused himself, with seizing merchants' treasure, 
 
 Or trying to believe in that Manometry, 
 
 Which is a hard kind of apomecometry. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 63 
 
 cxv. 
 
 At length, aware that he was getting older, 
 He thought it would be proper, and in season. 
 
 To set about repenting; all his bolder 
 Opinions he gave up, (not without reason;) 
 
 His faith in infidelity got colder; 
 He looked with horror on his former treason 
 
 'Gainst Mother Church, whom, when his life was loose 
 
 He cared no more for than for Mother Goose. 
 
 CXVI. 
 
 His different kinds of wealth he soon converted 
 To money, and converted all his spouses 
 
 To the true faith; by measures well concerted, 
 He fled from Moorish mosques, and lands, and houses, 
 
 Back to the land and church he had deserted, 
 Where being safely settled, he encloses 
 
 His eastern wives in convents, and prosperity 
 
 Attended all their numerous posterity. 
 
64 GII7SEPPIN0. 
 
 cxvir. 
 
 The Imans got cross, and swore, upon their credit, 
 That he'd be damned, and had no hope of glory. 
 
 The Friars told him that he need not dread it, 
 Swearing he'd only go to Purgatory, 
 
 To have his sins calcined; and when they said it, 
 Promised to pray him out again. — The more I 
 
 Reflect on this, the more I'm puzzled quite, 
 
 To guess which priesthood was most in the right. 
 
 CXVIII. 
 
 The Inquisition once became inquisitive, 
 About the firmness of his wife's credulity, 
 
 And even threatened to pay him a visit, if 
 He did not put a curb on her garrulity. 
 
 At length, this zeal became so far acquisitive. 
 They threatened him, and her, with less sedulity: 
 
 In fact, he paid them many a good zechin, 
 When she the road to Heaven had mistaken. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORY. 65 
 
 CXIX. 
 
 With her good man, long lived his English wife, 
 Who never could become half so religious 
 
 As he was, in his latter time of life. — 
 
 The penances he went through were prodigious. 
 
 Waging a constant psychomachial strife, 
 
 Which to describe however would be hideous; 
 
 So that these odd memoirs are here concluded, 
 
 O'er which I've yawned, at least as much as you did. 
 
 cxx. 
 
 I here disclaim any participation 
 
 In Giuseppino's character, am sure he 
 Is not myself; so hear my conjuration, 
 
 Ye reverend and irreverend, I conjure ye, 
 Assail me not with your flat defamation, 
 
 Nor trouble me with words of sound and fury; 
 
 Because I am much prone to melancholy, 
 
 And don't like laughing, — so restrain your folly. 
 F 2 
 
66 
 
 GIUSEPPINO. 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 I must confess my hero is a rascal, 
 (Heroes are always better for rascality,) 
 
 And, that my heroine will surely task all 
 The patience of each person of morality. 
 
 Such people, then, to pardon me I ask all; 
 Because I'll prove, that virtue is a quality, 
 
 Which, as it will not let them rob or kill any, 
 
 Suits not with heroes half so well as villainy. 
 
 CXXII. 
 In short, a character that's interesting 
 
 Must act with most surprising 1 impropriety, 
 And wickedness is, certainly, the best thing 
 
 To make adventurers, excite anxiety. 
 Thus manslayers, whom all join in detesting, 
 
 And robbers make good heroes; while sobriety 
 Would, in a hero, be the reader's loathing: 
 Because such sober wights do always— nothing. 
 
AN OCCIDENTAL STORT. 67 
 
 CXXIII. 
 
 Now there's the Devil; —he is Milton's iero, 
 And, to give him his due, displays hisguilt on, 
 
 So as to be a matchless cavaliero, 
 And worthy of a poet such as Milton: 
 
 But, if he had not been a downright NeD, 
 Compared with Adam, could that ban have built on 
 
 Making the aforesaid Devil entertainiE;? 
 
 The answer is too plain to need explairng. 
 
 CXXIV. 
 
 Pater Eneas, who was surnamed Pius 
 Was nothing less than an intriguingplunderer, 
 
 And Virgil, if he wished to edify us, 
 Ought to have had him shot dead bjthe thunderer; 
 
 But as to ethicks, the best poets try v, 
 (Shakspeare himself, in those point, is a blunderer.) 
 
 Yet few bards, now, could have such lix ideas, 
 
 As to discover piety in Eneas. 
 
 
63 
 
 GIUSEPPINO, SfC. 
 
 cxxv. 
 
 I could adduce n ore instances; but better 
 Than Satan ai d Eneas are not plenty; 
 
 And, if I showed them, they mightspoil my metre, 
 Besides those wo will serve, as well as twenty. 
 
 You see that custom has no kind of fetter 
 Which I have pot put od, as dressy men tie 
 
 Their neckcloths! — so ye critics of acumen 
 
 Behave, (if possible,) like good and true men! 
 
 FINIS. 
 
wom&wwto 
 
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