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SLINGS AND ARROWS 
 
 By 
 EDWIN FRANCIS EDGETT 
 
 Illustrated With Sketches 
 By Dwight Taylor 
 
 BOSTON 
 
 B. J. BRIMMER COMPANY 
 
 1922 
 

 Copyright, 1922 by 
 
 B. J. BRIMMER COMPANY 
 
 Set up and Printed. Published August, 1922 
 
 JAN -2 73 
 
 Printed in the United States of America 
 
 C1A690809 
 "WO I 
 
These "Slings and Arrows" 
 are selected from several hun- 
 dred pieces which have ap- 
 peared on Wednesdays and 
 Saturdays during the past five 
 years in the Boston Evening 
 Transcript under the general 
 heading of "Masquerades" and 
 other collective titles. ,} The 
 thanks of the author are given 
 to the publishers of the Tran- 
 script for permission to re- 
 print them in a book. 
 
TO THE UNGENTLE READER 
 
 7HESE lines, 
 And all the lines 
 That follow, 
 Are not verse, 
 Either free or shackled. 
 They merely masquerade 
 In the form 
 Of verse 
 
 For the obvious purpose 
 Of hitting the eye 
 Of the reader 
 With the sense 
 Or nonsense 
 
 Of their prose reflections 
 Upon certain ways 
 Of masculine and feminine 
 Humankind. 
 
 E. F. E. 
 
OLD BOOKS FOR NEW 
 
 THROUGH the streets and bazaars 
 Of a Far Eastern city 
 There went one day a Moor 
 Bearing in a basket 
 A glittering array of lamps. 
 And as he walked he cried : 
 "Oh, who will give 
 Old lamps for new?" 
 And all the world followed him 
 And the street boys pursued him 
 From place to place, 
 And mocked at him. 
 But he cared not for that, 
 For when he reached 
 The palace of Ala-ed-Din 
 He gained the prize he sought, 
 The Magical Lamp of the Treasure, 
 In exchange for his tawdry wares. 
 
 And so today 
 
 In Western lands 
 
 Great thoughts out of the past 
 
 Woven from the magic of men's minds 
 
 Are bartered or are cast aside 
 
 Whenever we are asked to give 
 
 Old books for new. 
 
THE ACROBATIC READER 
 
 THE first page 
 Of the 'morning newspaper 
 Offers opportunity 
 For all sorts 
 Of mental agility 
 And physical dexterity 
 As we read 
 Each article. 
 After turning 
 To page so and so 
 For its conclusion 
 In compliance 
 
 With each repeated request, 
 We feel as if 
 We had performed 
 An acrobatic feat 
 Of mind and hands. 
 Great and wonderful 
 Is the make-up 
 Of the morning newspaper. 
 
 
THE TELEPHONE SHIRKER 
 
 HE sits at his ease, 
 Or his work, 
 While his secretary 
 Calls up a victim 
 On the telephone, 
 And bids him 
 Hold the line " a minute." 
 If he is a man 
 Of infinite patience, 
 He holds it 
 For several minutes, 
 Awaiting the pleasure 
 Of the man 
 
 Who saves his own time 
 At the expense of another's. 
 If he is not so patient 
 He hangs up the receiver 
 With a bang, 
 And 'mutters something 
 Under his breath 
 That might be 
 " Don't you tell," 
 But isn't. 
 
■;-*•■;■ 
 
 
 ." ■■•- '■- '-'■-." '■" ♦ ■ .*•'■ '. ' " v * ') 
 
THE DANCER 
 
 AS we watch her 
 Lithely swaying 
 Through the mazes of the dance, 
 Each pose 
 And each movement 
 One of infinite grace 
 In unison with the music, 
 Do we realize 
 
 The training and the practice 
 That has thus 
 Made her proficient. 
 Her skill 
 
 Creates the illusion 
 That she is dancing 
 Her dance 
 For the first time. 
 Whereas it is constant repetition 
 That gives her work 
 Its perfect spontaneity. 
 She charms the eye 
 And the mind alike 
 With the marvels of her art. 
 
THE EUPHEMISTS 
 
 WITH mincing words, 
 They make the good 
 Old English language into 
 A Miss Nancyish tongue. 
 If somebody dies 
 He " passes away," 
 They walk on " limbs," 
 They " expectorate," 
 They " masticate " their food, 
 And when 
 They go to bed, 
 Where it is a pity 
 They cannot stay forever, 
 They " retire." 
 
THE NAME MISPRONOUNCER 
 
 IF your name 
 Is Smith 
 Or Brown or Jones, 
 He may get it right, 
 But if you happen 
 To be favored 
 By the gods 
 
 With an uncommon name, 
 He never fails 
 To misspell 
 And mispronounce it, 
 Rejoicing in 
 His competence 
 As a bungler, 
 And considering it 
 Your fault 
 That you do not 
 Bear a name 
 To match 
 His lingual ability. 
 
THE BIRD-CATCHER 
 
 POOR puss ! 
 Maligned and persecuted 
 Because she fulfills 
 Her instincts 
 
 And pursues with intent to kill 
 The birds of field and air. 
 Statisticians present 
 Formidable tables 
 Revealing the extent of her crimes, 
 And the millions of insects 
 That are allowed to go unmolested 
 Because she has murdered 
 Their natural enemies. 
 But man also 
 
 Kills birds for food and sport. 
 Why not also malign 
 And persecute hfrn? 
 
THE SWEET YOUNG THING 
 
 FUR-COATED 
 And be-gaitered 
 She airily hobbles along 
 Upon her shaky heels. 
 By art and fashion 
 She is defended from the cold 
 Except at one conspicuous 
 And vulnerable spot, 
 Where not less than three inches 
 Of reticulated silken hose 
 Expose her to the searching gaze 
 Of all the winds that blow. 
 Yet she is a sweet young thing, 
 And walks in all the pride 
 Of joyous youth, 
 And cares not 
 For that bare 
 And inconsistent gap 
 Between her shoe-tops 
 And her skirt. 
 
 10 
 
THE DEAR OLD THING 
 
 A MOST delectable sight is she, 
 As arrayed in all 
 The blithesome garmenture of youth, 
 A hat of rakish tilt 
 Atop her head, 
 With coat and skirt 
 Of negligible length, 
 And shoes lower than the lowest, 
 She mincingly makes her way 
 Before the eyes 
 Of all the world. 
 She fancies that 
 The years have passed her by, 
 And that clothes can 
 Make her young again. 
 How fortunate it is 
 That she cannot see herself 
 As others see her. 
 
 11 
 
THE ANGLERS 
 
 IS it literary sacrilege, 
 When we read 
 Izaak Walton's remark 
 That " God never did 
 Make a more calm, 
 Quiet, innocent recreation 
 Than angling," 
 To wonder 
 What the fish thinks 
 About its calmness, 
 Quietude, 
 And innocence? 
 
 12 
 
THE DANGER SIGNAL 
 
 U TDAD Curve Ahead," 
 
 ■ J " Look out for School Children," 
 " Dangerous Corner," 
 And so forth, and so forth, 
 Are the foolish signs 
 That confront the motorist 
 As he makes his way 
 Through town and country. 
 Of what use are they? 
 If he can see the signs, 
 Cannot he also see 
 The curves, the children, 
 And the other dangers 
 In his path? 
 
 13 
 

THE JACK IN-OFFICE 
 
 FROM his desk 
 Arrogantly 
 He lifts his head. 
 And as each visitor 
 Meekly approaches 
 He gazes at the intruder 
 And with the voice 
 Of one who sits 
 
 In the official seats of the mighty 
 Bids him state 
 His business 
 
 As though he were master 
 And not a public servant. 
 From his mien 
 It might be thought 
 That God 
 
 Had placed him there. 
 But it was only man 
 Who thus exalted him. 
 
 15 
 
THE ENCYCLOPAEDISTS 
 
 SOMETIMES it seems 
 As if the makers 
 Of encyclopaedias 
 Take pleasure 
 In building a thorny path 
 For information-seekers. 
 Whenever, perchance, 
 As in the case of Mark Twain, 
 A writer is known solely 
 By his pen-name, 
 We look him up thereunder, 
 Only to be informed, 
 What we already knew, 
 That this name 
 Is a pseudonym, 
 And that we must seek him 
 Under his family name 
 In another volume. 
 Whereupon we waste 
 Still further time 
 In cursing 
 These punctilious encyclopaedists. 
 
 16 
 
THE TELEPHONE JARGONIST 
 
 WHY insult 
 The good English language 
 Still further 
 By using 
 
 The telephone jargon 
 In our daily speech? 
 It is bad enough 
 To vocalize 
 
 Through the transmitter 
 A cipher as if it 
 Were the letter O, 
 But when 
 We pronounce it 
 One— O—O— NINE, 
 Instead of 
 
 One Thousand and Nine, 
 We are adding 
 Injury to insult. 
 
 17 
 
POOR RICHARD 
 
 ALAS for Ben Franklin ! 
 What a parlous life 
 He must have led 
 In those awful times 
 When the forty-four hour week 
 For printers was unknown 
 And unprophesied. 
 Yet he survived his labors 
 For no less than 
 Eighty-four years 
 And has grown in fame 
 So mightily 
 That after a lapse 
 Of more than two centuries 
 His statue 
 Has been dragged 
 Through our streets 
 To make a Boston holiday. 
 
 19 
 
THE SACRIFICIAL TEACHERS 
 
 THEIR service 
 To mankind 
 Is no greater 
 And their reward no less 
 Than that 
 Of many another 
 Man or woman 
 Who works for a living. 
 Why then 
 Do these teachers 
 Set themselves up 
 As martyrs 
 And brag about 
 The great sacrifice 
 They are making 
 As they pursue 
 Their calling 
 In the intervals 
 Of its numerous vacations. 
 
 20 
 
THE MODERN LADY NOVELIST 
 
 HAVE any of you 
 Noted the get-up 
 Of the lady novelists 
 Who pose 
 
 For the photographer 
 In response to the plea 
 Of their publishers 
 That their likenesses 
 Must be in readiness 
 To spread broadcast 
 Throughout the newspapers 
 Of the country? 
 They are arrayed, 
 Or unarrayed, 
 In costu'mes 
 
 That would put to shame 
 The most garbless appeal 
 Of the many fair charmers 
 Who decorate 
 The Follies 
 
 Or the latest masterpiece 
 Of musical comedy. 
 
 21 
 
THE MUFFLER CUT-OUTER 
 
 HIS idea 
 Of joyous riding 
 Is to make a racket, 
 And the easiest way- 
 Is to open 
 His muffler cut-out. 
 Through city and country 
 He speeds, 
 
 And whenever he reaches 
 An especially quiet spot, 
 He shatters the offenseless air 
 And the ears 
 Of all within his reach. 
 After his passing 
 Comes a grateful silence 
 To heal the blows of sound. 
 
 22 
 
THE BELL IN-HAND 
 
 NOW are its glories departed I 
 After a century and a quarter 
 Of sober ale and sandwiches 
 The good old Bell-in-Hand 
 Opened its doors 
 For a time 
 To multitudes drunk 
 With the clamorous spirit 
 Of Ponzied finance, 
 And later 
 To the base 
 And sordid purposes 
 Of a counting room 
 For a firm 
 Which is erecting 
 A building 
 Across the alley. 
 
 23 
 
THE HEAD-UNCOVERER 
 
 WE must show respect 
 For the flag, 
 We are told, 
 By uncovering our heads 
 When it is 
 Carried by us 
 In procession. 
 But this, of course, 
 Is the most meaningless 
 And trivial 
 Outward show 
 Of patriotism, 
 For many a hat 
 Is doffed only because 
 Its wearer 
 Dislikes 
 
 To make himself 
 Conspicuous 
 By refusing to follow 
 Custom or the crowd. 
 
 25 
 
THE SLANGSTERS 
 
 WITH their " dope " 
 And their " phone," 
 Their " cut it out," 
 And their " bunk," 
 Their " get my goat " 
 And a thousand 
 Other vilenesses 
 Of speech, 
 
 Those who are supposed 
 To speak 
 
 The English language 
 Seem to think 
 That slang 
 Is the only means 
 For the expression 
 Of their ideas. 
 And perhaps it is, 
 For those who use it 
 May have no ideas 
 That can be voiced 
 Otherwise. 
 
 26 
 
THE FASHIONABLE ONE 
 
 WITH shoulder sleeves, 
 Knee skirts, 
 Reticulated hosiery, 
 And gauzy corsage 
 That rises a few inches 
 Above the waist-line — 
 These may not be 
 The technical terms, 
 But they are 
 
 Certainly understandable — 
 She braves the summer heat, 
 And presumably is happy, 
 Not because 
 She is cool, 
 But because 
 She is fashionable. 
 
 27 
 
THUS SPAKE THE PROPHET 
 ISAIAH 
 
 IN this 
 Enlightened time 
 When a new commandment, 
 Thou shalt not drink, 
 Is to be thrust upon us, 
 Why not turn back 
 The pages of time 
 And in Holy Scripture 
 Read these words? 
 " In that day sing ye unto her, 
 A vineyard of red wine. 
 I the Lord do keep it, 
 I will water it every moment: 
 Lest any hurt it. 
 I will keep it night and day." 
 Thus spake 
 The prophet Isaiah. 
 
 29 
 
THE DEGREE-HOLDER 
 
 HIS pride 
 Is so immoderate 
 That he must share 
 His glory 
 
 With all the world. 
 If by chance he wins 
 An A. B. or an A. M., 
 Or perhaps a Ph. D., 
 He hastens to decorate 
 His stationery 
 With the cabalistic letters 
 That disclose his scholarship. 
 And sometimes 
 He even thinks 
 It increases his celebrity 
 If he adds them 
 As a sort of anti-climax 
 To his written signature. 
 
 30 
 
THE WEATHER OPTIMIST 
 
 HE does not permit 
 His spirit to be troubled 
 By excessive heat 
 Although the perspiration 
 Bedecks his fevered brow. 
 He wears a cheerful smile, 
 And says to all 
 Who growl and grumble 
 That they would be 
 As comfortable as he 
 If they worried not 
 And took the weather 
 As they found it. 
 In summer or in winter 
 It pays to be > 
 
 The cheerful optimist. 
 
 31 
 
THE HEART GLADDENER 
 
 THERE was a wise man 
 In days of old 
 Named David, 
 And thus he spake : 
 He causeth the grass 
 To grow for the cattle, 
 And herb for the service 
 Of man, 
 
 That he may bring forth 
 Food out of the earth; 
 And wine 
 That maketh glad 
 The heart of man, 
 And oil 
 
 To make his face to shine, 
 And bread 
 Which strengtheneth man's heart. 
 
 32 
 
THE HOPE CHESTER 
 
 AND now 
 The latest fad 
 Of the Hope-Chester 
 Is to lay aside 
 A selection of books 
 Against a happy day. 
 An editorial in 
 
 The Woman's Home Companion 
 Proclaims this mighty thought: 
 " How a table-cloth 
 And a dozen napkins 
 Shrink into nothingness 
 Compared with that splendid 
 Practical edition 
 Of Shakespeare, 
 Or Kipling or Stevenson." 
 But why in Heaven's name 
 Not purchase 
 A table-cloth 
 And at least one napkin 
 That will not shrink 
 Into nothingness? 
 
 33 
 
THE VEILER 
 
 SHE may be 
 So impressed 
 By her own facial charms 
 That she must hide 
 Them from the gaze 
 Of the multitude, 
 But she might 
 Be considerate enough 
 To realize the strain 
 Upon those helpless victims 
 Of hers 
 
 Who must needs 
 Sit and talk to her 
 Through the meshes 
 Of huge dots 
 And other 
 Geometrical figures 
 That adorn her veil. 
 If she has no pity 
 Upon her own eyes, 
 She might have 
 A little regard 
 For the eyes of others. 
 
 35 
 
THE WINDOW BRAGGERS 
 
 HUMANITARIANISM 
 And patriotism 
 Seem to be with them 
 A means 
 
 For self-advertisement. 
 They give their cash 
 To the Red Cross 
 And then they hang 
 A sign in their window 
 That the whole world 
 May know 
 The exact amount 
 Of their philanthropy 
 In dollars and cents. 
 
 36 
 
THE TIT FOR TATTER 
 
 IF childless John 
 Must pay taxes 
 To send 
 
 His neighbor Jim's children 
 To school, 
 Why should not 
 Automobileless Jim 
 Pay taxes 
 
 To build good roads 
 For John's motor car 
 To run upon? 
 
 37 
 
THE FEMALE FORM DIVINE 
 
 WHITHER have disappeared 
 The feminine ears, 
 And whence is disappearing 
 The feminine forehead? 
 To judge by 
 The present mode 
 Of hair array, 
 Or disarray, 
 One might think 
 There is 
 
 Something shameful 
 In the exposure 
 Of those necessary 
 And once thought 
 Ornamental features 
 Of the female form divine. 
 
 39 
 
A RE-MADE MAN 
 
 NOW that this portion 
 Of the world 
 Is laboring under 
 The blessings 
 Of prohibition, 
 We are given all sorts 
 Of serio-comic testimonials 
 Upon the wonders 
 It has performed. 
 One wife, so it is said, 
 Reports that now she has 
 A one hundred per cent husband. 
 But 
 
 If it takes prohibition, 
 Or anything else 
 To niake a man 
 Of a man 
 Is he worth 
 
 The making of a man? 
 Would he not be 
 Better dead? 
 
 
 40 
 
IN THE DAYS OF THE APOSTLE 
 
 THEY knew not 
 Prohibition in the days 
 When Paul the Apostle 
 Wrote these words of wisdom 
 In his First Epistle 
 To Trmothy : 
 Drink no longer water 
 But use a little wine 
 For thy stomach's sake 
 And thine often infirmities. 
 
 41 
 
THE BREEZY ONE 
 
 HE blows in upon you 
 And with a glad hand 
 Takes it for granted 
 That you will welcome him 
 With another hand of gladness. 
 No amount of icy coldness 
 Or of snubbing 
 Will repress him 
 And he comes again 
 And again 
 
 Each time breezier than before. 
 And sometimes, 
 May we add, 
 All this might be written 
 With pronouns 
 Of feminine gender. 
 
 42 
 
 
THE BLEST AND THE CURST 
 
 O WEATHER ! 
 Thou art im'mortal. 
 Sometimes 
 We bless thee 
 But more frequently 
 We curse thee 
 And always 
 When we have 
 Nothing else 
 To talk 
 Or write about 
 We mention thee. 
 And here 
 
 In this most wonderful 
 Climate, 
 Thou givest us 
 Perpetually 
 The opportunity 
 To say something 
 Which if not new 
 And original 
 Is at least emphatic. 
 
 43 
 
THE SPIRIT-SEEKER 
 
 NONE of us need lack 
 Knowledge of the life to come, 
 If we are content 
 To seek the light 
 In the pages of books 
 That record 
 
 The rappings and the tappings 
 And all the other 
 Mysterious outbreaks 
 Revealed at spiritualistic seances 
 Or psychical manifestations. 
 Books on this 
 And kindred subjects 
 Are coming profusely 
 From the press 
 That he who runs may read, 
 But not necessarily 
 That he who reads 
 Must believe. 
 
 45 
 
THE SNAP THE-CURTAIN FIEND 
 
 COMFORTABLY seated 
 Next the window 
 As he journeys 
 To and fro by train, 
 He is not content 
 To raise 
 
 The curtain gently. 
 Instead, when he desires 
 More light to penetrate 
 His mental crevices, 
 He pulls it sharply up, 
 And with a bang 
 Jolts the nerves 
 Of all not hardened 
 Like his own. 
 
 46 
 
THE CONFERER 
 
 WHEN you go 
 To call upon 
 A man of great importance, 
 You may be told 
 Quite simply 
 That he is engaged 
 And that he will 
 See you 
 
 In a few moments. 
 But if he is 
 A man of small calibre 
 You are certain 
 To be informed 
 That he is " in conference " 
 And cannot be disturbed. 
 
 47 
 
JOHN DRINKWATER 
 
 IN these sad days, 
 John Drinkwater, 
 You are the happy possessor 
 Of a happy na'me. 
 No wonder 
 
 You have come across the ocean 
 At this moment 
 To test your fame 
 As dramatist and poet 
 Among the people 
 Who must henceforth, 
 Unless perchance 
 They have thriftily 
 Taken time by the forelock, 
 Drink nothing 
 But water. 
 All hail to thee, 
 John Drinkwater. 
 
 48 
 
AT THE TICKET WINDOW 
 
 ALL the time 
 In the world 
 Is hers. 
 
 She lines herself up 
 At the ticket window, 
 Opens her bag, 
 Takes out her purse, 
 Closes the bag, 
 Opens her purse, 
 Extracts her money, 
 Is handed her change, 
 Picks it up 
 Piece by piece, 
 Lays aside the coin 
 With which 
 To pay her fare, 
 Places the rest 
 In her purse, 
 Closes it, 
 Opens her bag, 
 Etc., etc., etc., 
 And then departs 
 Contentedly 
 And remorselessly. 
 
 SO 
 
THE BOOK WRITERS 
 
 WHEN we hear 
 The frequently 
 Repeated invocation 
 " Oh, that mine enemy 
 Would write a book," 
 We cannot refrain 
 From thinking 
 It would be far better 
 To say, 
 
 " Oh, that my friends 
 Would write 
 No 'more books." 
 
 51 
 
THE KNEES-IN-YOUR-BACKMAN 
 
 AS he plumps himself down 
 He reposes comfortably 
 As if there were 
 No one else in the car. 
 His backbone 
 He uses as a throne, 
 And with his knees 
 Firmly thrust into 
 The yielding plush of the seat 
 In front of him, 
 He wears the air 
 Of a man 
 
 Oblivious to his surroundings 
 And perfectly at peace 
 With all the world. 
 And if by chance 
 He has a newspaper in his hands 
 To thrust into the neck 
 Of his frontal neighbor, 
 His contentment is supreme. 
 
 52 
 
THE LICK CREATION AMERICAN 
 
 TO hear some people talk 
 We might think that America 
 And America alone 
 Won the war, 
 
 And that none but Americans 
 Should be put on guard 
 To determine Germany's fate. 
 But fortunately 
 A few of us 
 Have long memories 
 And do not forget that while 
 Belgium and France, 
 Britain and Italy, 
 Held the bridge, 
 America stood 
 
 With reluctant and faltering feet, 
 And the valor of other nations 
 Was the world's salvation. 
 Therefore America's voice 
 At the present crisis 
 Should be small and still. 
 
 53 
 
THE MORALIST 
 
 THE time may come, 
 With all other 
 Subjects exhausted, 
 When the Reverend 
 John Roach Straton, 
 Arbiter of the morals 
 Of this free 
 
 And enlightened republic, 
 Will venture upon 
 A debate over 
 The horrors of fiction 
 From Boccaccio 
 And Rabelais 
 To Theodore Dreiser 
 And James Branch Cabell. 
 
 55 
 
THE FIRST OF APRIL 
 
 ONCE upon a time 
 An ingenious man 
 Sought to benefit humanity 
 By extracting sunbeams 
 From cucumbers. 
 But nowadays 
 Our modern reformers 
 Seek other means 
 To circumvent nature, 
 And strive to make two hours 
 Grow where only one 
 Grew before. 
 They pass a law 
 
 Commanding us to set ! 
 
 The hands of our watches 
 And our clocks 
 One hour forward, 
 And they proclaim that 
 The hours of daylight 
 Are thereby increased! 
 Fittingly indeed 
 Did this new chronology 
 Have its birth upon 
 The eve of 
 The First of April! 
 
 56 
 
THE UPLIFTER 
 
 HE goes about 
 With serene smile 
 His Pollyanna way. 
 He is a friend of everybody, 
 An enemy of none, 
 And he claims that life 
 Should be one grand 
 And glorious song 
 Of luscious love. 
 His goodness is too cloying, 
 And when he leaves us 
 The reaction is so great 
 That there is but one word 
 To utter, and that is 
 Bosh! 
 
 57 
 
THE IDEALIST 
 
 WE have it 
 On the authority 
 Of Henry Ford 
 That history 
 Is " bunk," 
 And that the world 
 Would be better 
 Without music 
 Or any of the arts. 
 And yet 
 
 In the face of this, 
 He is called 
 An idealist ! 
 
 58 
 
THE PHRASE-MAKER 
 
 THESE are great days 
 Of great deeds 
 And great words 
 And great phrases. 
 The student 
 Of stenography 
 And typewriting 
 Now attends 
 A School 
 
 Of Secretarial Science, 
 And the doors 
 Of a College of 
 Business Administration 
 Now swing wide open 
 To admit him, or her, 
 Who once 
 
 Would have attended 
 Only a humble 
 Commercial College. 
 
 59 
 
.-^^ 
 
 
WALT WHITMAN 
 
 ONE hundred years ago 
 This coming week *, 
 
 Was born Walt Whitman, 
 Most picturesque of poets. 
 He stands distinctive 
 And above them all, 
 Not as great perhaps 
 As the greatest, 
 But what is sometimes 
 Better than greatness, 
 Individual and unique. 
 He made his way 
 And now he stands 
 With none beside him, 
 Impressive and alone, 
 A giant. 
 
 61 
 
THE ENCORE FIEND 
 
 H E - 
 And sometimes it is she — 
 
 Is always certain to be there, 
 At opera 
 
 Or musical comedy. 
 " They're not going 
 To be let off as easily as all that," 
 He — or she — 
 Exclaims even when 
 The performers are breathless, 
 And with vociferous hands 
 He — or she — demands 
 And re-demands 
 A repetition of song or dance. 
 No matter whether 
 All are weary, 
 Both those on the stage 
 And those in the audience, 
 His — or her — selfish demands 
 Must be obeyed, 
 Or the thunderous clamor 
 Will continue. 
 When will arise 
 A stage director 
 Or an orchestra leader 
 Who will have the courage 
 Utterly to ignore, 
 Or if that does not suffice, 
 To repress with vigorous words, 
 Such hoggish procedure? 
 
 62 
 
THE GAME 
 
 ALL the world 
 May be a stage 
 And all the men and women 
 Merely players, 
 But this life 
 And its interests 
 Are not the " game " 
 That it is proclaimed 
 To be by the slangsters. 
 We may write for a living, 
 But we are not 
 In the " writing game," 
 We may be lawyers, 
 But we are not 
 In the " legal game," 
 We may be doctors, 
 But we are not 
 In the " medical game," 
 And so forth, 
 And so forth. 
 
 63 
 
u 
 
 THE DAYS COME 
 
 IT it written 
 By Amos in the Old Testament : 
 Behold, the days come, 
 Saith the Lord, 
 
 That the plowman shall overtake 
 The reaper, 
 
 And the treader of grapes 
 Him that soweth seed; 
 And the mountains shall drop 
 Sweet wine, 
 
 And all the hills shall nielt, 
 And I will bring again the captivity 
 Of my people of Israel, 
 And they shall build the waste cities, 
 And inhabit them; 
 And they shall plant vineyards, 
 And drink the wine thereof; 
 They shall also make gardens, 
 And eat the fruit of them. 
 And I will plant them upon their land, 
 And they shall no more be pulled up 
 Out of their land 
 Which I have given them, 
 Saith the Lord thy God." 
 Thus it is written 
 With true prophetic hand 
 By Amos in the Old Testament. 
 
 65 
 
THE MUSIC HUMMER 
 
 WHEN he — or she — 
 Who at opera grand or comic, 
 At musical comedy, 
 During the orchestral joys 
 Of theatre entr'actes, 
 Or at any other 
 Of the fifty-seven 
 Varieties of harmony and melody, 
 Seeks to add 
 
 To the gayety of the audience 
 By a sub-vocal humming, 
 Or a mumbling or a rumbling, 
 He — or she — 
 Is merely tolerated 
 Upon this earth 
 By those whose 
 Kindliness of heart 
 Alone prevents 
 His — or her — instant slaughter. 
 
 66 
 
THE STILT-HEEL GIRL 
 
 GINGERLY she picks her way 
 Along the crowded walks, 
 Hobblingly she totters 
 Upon her toes 
 While high above 
 Follow her heels 
 Supported by 
 Their fragile stilts. 
 What matters it 
 That every muscle aches, 
 That ankles twist and turn, 
 That all her bones seem broken? 
 She looks about herself 
 With all the calm assurance 
 Of a happy and contented mind, 
 For is she not in style ? 
 
 67 
 
THE OVERSHOE FLAPPERS 
 
 WITH bare necks above 
 And unbuckled 
 And dishevelled 
 Overshoes below, 
 They parade the streets 
 These wintry days 
 As if they had 
 No purpose 
 In life 
 But to show 
 The extremes 
 Of feminine 
 Mental aberration. 
 
 69 
 
THE PROHIBITION NICOTINIST 
 
 HE loves 
 His nicotine. 
 With smoking pipe, 
 Or burning cigar, 
 Or even with 
 
 The incense-laden cigarette 
 In mouth 
 He denounces 
 In most eloquent language 
 The ills that alcohol 
 Has caused humanity 
 To endure. 
 
 He laments upon the folly 
 Of its use, 
 And most of all 
 He proclaims 
 Its economic waste, 
 Welcoming the glad hour 
 When prohibition rules the land. 
 He is the guardian 
 Of his brother's vice, 
 But he claims 
 The sole right 
 To be the keeper 
 Of his own. 
 
 70 
 
THE SWEATER 
 
 SHE would 
 Not dream of saying 
 Anything more direct 
 Then " I perspire," 
 If she dared 
 Mention at all 
 The effect 
 
 Of summer weather, 
 But she does 
 Not hesitate to call 
 An article 
 Of wearing apparel 
 A sweater. 
 
 71 
 
THE NEWSPAPER CRUMPLER 
 
 HE invariably occupies 
 More than half 
 The seat 
 
 As he journeys into town 
 Or homeward bound. 
 Deep in his favorite 
 Daily newspaper, 
 Usually of the most jaundiced 
 Yellow brand, 
 He spreads it forward 
 And with both arms sideways, 
 Oblivious to humanity about him 
 And when 
 
 He reaches his stopping place 
 He crumples it noisily 
 And hastily, 
 
 Throwing it to the floor 
 And rushing forth 
 To seek the eagerly expectant 
 Bosom of his family. 
 
 72 
 
THE NEW BONIFACE 
 
 A FORWARD-LOOKING university 
 Has just added 
 To its curriculum 
 A course of instruction 
 In hotel-keeping. 
 Let us hope 
 That the landlord 
 Of the future 
 May be taught 
 The means whereby 
 Those of us who do not happen 
 To be multi-millionaires 
 May pass 
 
 Our summer vacations 
 At mountains or seashore 
 Without the complete wreck 
 Of our bank accounts. 
 
 73 
 
V 
 
 r 
 
 
THE ACCIDENT PREVENTERS 
 
 LET us be careful, 
 For this, 
 So we are informed 
 In the elegant English 
 Of multitudinous posters, 
 Is " Don't Get Hurt Week." 
 It matters not 
 What has happened, 
 Or what is to happen 
 In the days to come. 
 If we are careful 
 This week, 
 We shall have done 
 Our duty 
 
 To those reformers 
 Who are always looking 
 For some new fad 
 Wherewith to humbug 
 The public. 
 
 75 
 
THE THEATRE LAUGHER 
 
 SHE always sits 
 Behind you, 
 And with prophetic glee 
 Anticipates the comic scenes 
 And speeches, and many 
 Not comic, 
 With a screech 
 Of shrilling laughter. 
 Nothing escapes 
 Her vigilant voice, 
 And if the din 
 Grows unbearable 
 And you humbly turn around 
 And venture to expostulate, 
 Her escort calmly 
 Makes a duet of the solo 
 And throughout 
 The rest of the evening 
 Adds audible remarks 
 To his companion's shrieks. 
 Therefore the rest is silence 
 Or a change of seat. 
 
 76 
 
THEIR GOAL 
 
 IN the Book of Numbers 
 We may read: 
 "And from thence 
 They went to Beer." 
 And also later 
 In the Book of Judges 
 It is related that 
 " Jotham ran away 
 And fled, 
 
 And went to Beer." 
 Only these two times 
 Is that delectable 
 Beverage 
 Mentioned in 
 The Book of Books. 
 
 77 
 
THE CLOCK-GHANGERS 
 
 DESPITE the claims 
 To the contrary 
 Made by the devotees 
 Of clock-changing, 
 There are this week 
 Exactly the same number 
 Of hours of daylight 
 In every twenty-four 
 As there were a week ago, 
 Before the hands 
 Were set ahead. 
 In other words, 
 No daylight was saved then, 
 And none is lost now. 
 
 79 
 
THE REACTIONARY 
 
 WE hear a great deal 
 About him nowadays, 
 And to judge 
 By the wrath he arouses 
 In the minds of writers 
 For certain papers 
 It might be imagined 
 That he wears horns. 
 As a matter of fact, 
 He is simply the man 
 Or the woman 
 Who in times past 
 Was known by 
 The ancient 
 And honorable word 
 Conservative. 
 
 80 
 
THE EGOTIST 
 
 UTfl," 
 
 l"Ibeg," 
 " I myself feel," 
 " I am under," 
 " I was 
 
 The Commander in Chief," 
 " I advised," 
 " I sent," 
 " Shall I," 
 " Can I," 
 « I gave "— 
 Thus spake 
 
 The great American egotist, 
 And the noble 
 Master of English speech 
 Who strove — and failed — 
 To keep us out of war. 
 
 81 
 
THE HAT REMOVERS 
 
 IF perchance 
 A lady is present 
 They stand in room 
 Or hallway 
 Hat on head. 
 But the instant 
 They enter an elevator 
 They remove it. 
 Why? 
 
 82 
 
THE GARDENER 
 
 HE toils morning and evening 
 Over his crops, 
 Beheading the arrogant weed 
 And chasing the elusive insect 
 Which threaten to despoil him 
 Of his products. 
 By night in dreams, 
 By day at his desk, 
 His thoughts dwell 
 Upon the harvest to come. 
 Great is his anticipation, 
 And sometimes small 
 His realization, 
 But he is always happy, 
 And he never regrets 
 That the time he has spent 
 In his garden 
 Might have been passed 
 At golf, 
 In motoring, 
 Or in the broad Atlantic surf. 
 
 83 
 
THE FUR-WEARER 
 
 SHE is an adept 
 At making extremes meet 
 These summer days. 
 She wears a low bodice, 
 Exactly how low 
 We hesitate to say, 
 And then she swathes 
 In furs her neck 
 And the regions 
 Adjacent thereto. 
 The reasons for 
 This strange procedure 
 Are known 
 
 Only to the feminine mind, 
 Although of course 
 There may be 
 A fashionable method 
 In her madness. 
 
 85 
 
THE SUDDEN STOPPER 
 
 HE walks 
 Along the sidewalk 
 At a brisk pace, 
 And then he suddenly 
 And without warning 
 Stops dead in his tracks, 
 While we, poor mortals, 
 Following behind 
 Are brought up 
 Against his bulk 
 With a thud. 
 It is a pity that we 
 Cannot annihilate him, 
 Instead of being 
 Ourselves 
 Almost annihilated. 
 
 86 
 
THE PLAYGOER 
 
 WHETHER it be 
 The Follies 
 Or a Shaw play, 
 Whether Eddie Cantor 
 Be the star 
 
 Or Walter Hampden, 
 To many 
 
 Whose speech and manner 
 Proclaim that they 
 Should know better 
 Everything on the stage 
 Is a " show." 
 If the American public 
 Had a more discriminating 
 Sense of the meaning 
 Of words, 
 It might have 
 A more discriminating taste. 
 
 87 
 
THE LABORERS 
 
 WHY do they 
 At their conventions 
 And individually 
 Talk as if 
 
 They are the only men 
 Or women 
 
 Who work for a living? 
 Why do they speak 
 Of the cause 
 Of labor, 
 Of the interests 
 Of labor, 
 Of the rights 
 Of labor 
 
 As if none but they 
 Do an honest day's work 
 For an honest day's pay? 
 The truth 
 Of the matter 
 Is that they mean 
 Only the cause, 
 The interests 
 And the rights 
 Of the labor unions. 
 
 89 
 
THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPER 
 
 LATE and early, 
 Morning and afternoon, 
 With cheerful face 
 He goes upon his mission. 
 What matters it 
 When he shops, 
 
 Whether he buys something useful 
 Or useless, 
 
 Whether he carries his purchases 
 Or has them sent, 
 Or whether he throws 
 To the winds 
 All the rules 
 That confront him 
 On his journey to and fro? 
 He is a Christmas shopper, 
 And the joys of the Christmas Tree 
 Will justify his deeds. 
 
 9G 
 
HIS BROTHER'S KEEPER 
 
 HIS impudence 
 Is unbounded, 
 For he is never happy 
 Unless 
 
 He is putting the houses 
 Of other people in order. 
 No matter what his own whims, 
 His own vices or his own sins 
 May be, 
 
 He thinks it his duty 
 Not merely to denounce 
 But also by law to interfere with 
 The customs of others. 
 If he confined himself 
 To talk, 
 
 He might be tolerated, 
 But he transcends 
 The bounds of reason 
 And of justice 
 When he seeks 
 
 The constitutional amendment 
 Of habits that do not happen 
 To be his own. 
 
 91 
 
THE INSIGNIAC 
 
 LET no one be so foolish 
 As to imagine 
 That the number 
 Or the varied colors 
 Of the stripes upon his arm, 
 Gold or silver, 
 Red or white, 
 Blue or yellow, 
 Green or purple, 
 Measure his valor 
 Or his achievement. 
 He who wears 
 His heart 
 Upon his sleeve 
 Is not necessarily 
 He whose deeds 
 Are greatest. 
 
 92 
 
THE SIDEWALK BLOCKERS 
 
 OBLIVIOUS they stand, 
 Deep in conversation 
 That apparently is settling 
 The destinies of all the world. 
 Blocking the way, 
 They neither see nor feel 
 The flowing tide of passers-by 
 Which breaks around them. 
 As they remain unmoved 
 And unperturbed, 
 They might as well 
 Inhabit a world 
 
 That contains themselves alone 
 For all they are aware 
 Of the presence of their humankind. 
 
 93 
 
THE CENSOR 
 
 THESE are indeed 
 Sad, sad days. 
 One Thomas Shallcross, 
 An estimable member 
 Of the Philadelphia 
 Board of Education, 
 Has just declared that 
 Stevenson's " Treasure Island " 
 Is not fit 
 
 To be read by schoolboys. 
 And why? 
 Because it is 
 
 " Full of stories of pirates 
 Who ought to be hanged." 
 It is therefore our privilege 
 And our pleasure 
 
 To nominate the estimable Shallcross 
 For admission to the gallery 
 Of the righteous 
 Where dwells 
 The immortal Podsnap. 
 
 95 
 
THE FOOT-TAPPER 
 
 HE is not content 
 To enjoy the rhythm 
 Of the music, 
 But he must spoil 
 Others' pleasure 
 By reenforcing 
 Its recurrent accent 
 With foot-taps on the floor. 
 A theatre-seat 
 Is no place for him. 
 He should be 
 An electric welder, 
 Or perchance a thumper 
 Of the big bass drum. 
 
 96 
 
THE SLOW-COACH 
 
 EVERYONE with an ounce 
 Of energy in his composition 
 Hates to overtake 
 The slow-coach 
 
 As he pursues his leisurely course 
 Along the sidewalk. 
 He moves as if 
 Life were not worth the living 
 And he persistently 
 Blocks the way 
 By getting directly 
 In front of those who have 
 Something more to do 
 Than to dog his footsteps. 
 With lifelessness 
 In all his movements 
 He might be better dead. 
 
 97 
 
THE CONQUERING HERO 
 
 HOME the conquering hero comes 
 Still firm in the belief 
 That he and he alone 
 Is settling the fate of the world. 
 But others remain behind 
 Who have not sought 
 Peace without victory, 
 Who did not say that 
 The aims of both sides 
 During the war were the same, 
 And doubtless in his absence 
 They will make such progress 
 That what should have been done 
 Weeks ago 
 Will be accomplished 
 Long before his threatened return. 
 In the meantime, however, 
 The cabled propaganda will continue, 
 And we shall be fed up 
 With the customary reports 
 That everything done 
 Is done by him 
 And him alone. 
 
 99 
 
THE ANIMAL RESCUER 
 
 HIS is the eye 
 That looks 
 Beyond the mere needs 
 Of his humankind. 
 His is the mind 
 That knows 
 The souls and bodies 
 Of his animal friends 
 Deserve no less care and kindness 
 Than he bestows upon his fellow men. 
 His is the hand 
 That caresses them, 
 And the voice 
 That soothes them, 
 And his the task and duty 
 To make the world 
 A better place 
 For mankind to live in 
 Because he also makes it 
 A happier dwelling-place 
 For dumb animals. 
 
 100 
 
THE HOSPITAL TELEPHONIST 
 
 HER manner is brusque, 
 Her voice is strident, 
 Her messages are curt 
 To all who venturesomely 
 Infringe upon her valuable time 
 Either over the telephone 
 Or by personal application 
 At her desk. 
 
 " He's gettin* along orl light," 
 " There ain't no change since yisterday," 
 " Ye-ur," 
 " Naw," 
 
 These words seem to be 
 The limitations 
 Of her vocabulary. 
 
 101 
 
GOOD OLD JOEL 
 
 A WISE man in his day 
 Was Joel 
 When he wrote: 
 The mountains 
 Shall drop down 
 New wine, 
 
 And the hills shall flow 
 With milk, 
 And all the rivers 
 Of Judah shall flow 
 With water. 
 What a pity 
 There was neither 
 Ale nor beer 
 In Joel's day 
 That he might 
 Sing its praises. 
 
 102 
 
THE CONVERSATION CIRCLER 
 
 THE bell rings 
 And she picks up 
 The receiver, 
 While the unwilling victim 
 Who by a sad fate 
 Is compelled 
 To remain in the rootn 
 Listens to a conversation 
 Of never-ending length. 
 She talks and talks, 
 And after a minute 
 She continues 
 To say the same thing 
 Over and over again 
 In different words, 
 Going round and round 
 A conversational circle 
 That seems to be 
 As long as the girdle 
 That Puck put round about 
 The Earth 
 In forty minutes. 
 
 103 
 
A DREADFUL LIAR 
 
 SAID one four o'clock 
 To another four o'clock 
 In my neighbor's garden: 
 " This daylight saving 
 Makes me out 
 To be 
 A dreadful liar." 
 
 105 
 
THE INDEPENDENT 
 
 WHEN a man 
 Is without 
 A stable mind 
 And his opinions shift 
 Like straws 
 With every changing 
 Of the wind 
 He calls himself 
 An independent 
 And rejoices loudly 
 In his own conceit. 
 
 106 
 
THE BLOCK-THE-DOOR PERSONS 
 
 WHAT crowd may be 
 Behind them 
 Matters not. 
 If perchance 
 They are on the way 
 Out of the railway station 
 In the midst 
 Of the 'morning exodus, 
 They act as if 
 They were the only people 
 On earth. 
 They stop to chat, 
 Or to gaze 
 
 Up and down the street, 
 And if anyone 
 Attempts to push by them, 
 They glare and growl 
 And mutter words 
 About the rudeness 
 Of others. 
 
 107 
 
THE LATE THEATRE-COMER 
 
 H E T ~ 
 It is almost invariably 
 
 He 
 
 And not she — 
 Who arrives at the play- 
 Within a few moments 
 Of the end of the first act 
 And is shown to his seat 
 In the middle of the row, 
 Of course 
 Might wait 
 Until the curtain falls, 
 But that would avoid 
 The disturbance 
 Of a dozen or more of 
 His fellow beings, 
 And to think of others 
 In such an exigency 
 Is naturally impossible 
 To him. 
 
 109 
 
THE EXPERT CLIPPER 
 
 WHY should we 
 Have any compunction 
 At putting asunder 
 What man hath joined together? 
 Especially the man 
 Who has a varied assortment 
 Of paper clips, 
 And who uses them lavishly 
 On all documents 
 He sends forth to the world. 
 Every time we receive 
 A communication from him, 
 We yank 
 
 The bit of twisted steel 
 Therefrom and vehemently 
 Curse him and its inventor. 
 
 110 
 
THE HAUGHTY ONE 
 
 HER stare is impressive 
 When presiding 
 At newsstand 
 Or cigar counter 
 Or any other dispensary 
 Of necessary wares. 
 She haughtily condescends 
 To accept your money, 
 And declining to place the change 
 In your extended hand, 
 Calmly drops it 
 On the glass, 
 And views with glee 
 Your efforts to pick it up. 
 
 Ill 
 
THE BUSINESS MINDER 
 
 LIFE insurance presidents 
 Are apparently setting themselves up 
 As the arbiters 
 Of feminine fashion. 
 Here is one of them 
 Who hails from Hartford 
 And he proclaims 
 That " all women 
 Who bob their hair 
 Are useless," 
 And that his ideal 
 Of a business woman 
 Js " one who has had 
 Two or three years 
 Of college work, 
 Does not powder her nose, 
 Does not watch the clock, 
 Does not rouge her cheeks, 
 And does not 
 Smoke cigarettes." 
 By way of rejoinder 
 Perhaps we may be 
 Permitted to say 
 That our ideal 
 Of a life insurance president 
 Is one who 
 Minds his own masculine business. 
 
 112 
 
THE KNITTERS 
 
 WHERE are they, 
 The "multitudinous knitters 
 Whose needles 
 Were wont to flash 
 Before our eyes 
 In street car, 
 Railway train, 
 On hotel piazza, 
 In lecture hall, 
 And many another 
 Public place? 
 They were knitting 
 For the boys in khaki, 
 But is there none 
 To knit for in 
 These piping times of peace? 
 
 113 
 
THE REVOLVING-DOOR 
 INVENTOR 
 
 WHEN the lamented Gilbert, 
 Wisest and merriest of humorists, 
 Wrote in one of his liveliest moods 
 About the fitting 
 Of the punishment to the crime, 
 And in another vein 
 About a little list of victims 
 To be found, 
 He had not in mind 
 The revolving-door, 
 For it was not then 
 Inflicted upon 
 A long-suffering world. 
 If it had been, 
 He would undoubtedly 
 Have consigned its perpetrator 
 To a well-deserved 
 And everlasting whirligig 
 Of gyrations 
 Within its confines. 
 
 115 
 
THE MANUSCRIPT ROLLER 
 
 HE may be able 
 To write good English, 
 He may be able 
 To spell with accuracy, 
 He may be a man of ideas, 
 And he may have a message 
 For the world, 
 But he is welcome 
 To no editorial haunts 
 If he rolls his manuscript. 
 Editors have some rights 
 That even the most 
 Intelligent contributors 
 Should be bound to respect. 
 
 116 
 
THE WEATHER GROWLER 
 
 MAN and woman 
 Are seldom content 
 With the meteorological 
 Dispensations of the gods. 
 Without a murmur 
 They will accept much else 
 That comes to them, 
 But not the weather. 
 
 f it be hot 
 
 t should be cold. 
 
 f it be cold 
 
 t should be hot. 
 
 f it be warm, 
 
 t should be cooler. 
 
 f it be cool 
 
 t should be warmer. 
 And so on ad infinitum 
 They growl and grumble 
 Unceasingly 
 And give themselves 
 Much more discomfort and unhappiness 
 Than the weather 
 Ever brings to them. 
 
 117 
 
OUR LEGISLATORS 
 
 OUR legislators 
 Are indeed 
 A marvellous crew, 
 And sometimes we wonder 
 Whether they are 
 Our masters 
 Or our servants. 
 Now comes one of them 
 Who hails from Mississippi 
 And whose name is Johnson 
 Who says that smoking 
 By women 
 In public 
 
 Is " worse than whiskey," 
 And who therefore 
 Offers a bill in Congress 
 To fine them 
 
 If they are caught smoking 
 In the public places 
 Of Washington. 
 Great and wonderful indeed 
 Are our legislators ! 
 
 119 
 
THE OPEN MINDER 
 
 HE brags vociferously 
 That he has 
 What he calls 
 An open mind, 
 And that he is 
 Ready to be convinced 
 By the latest comer 
 On political problems 
 Or other subjects. 
 The trouble with him 
 Is, however, 
 That he has 
 No convictions at all, 
 And that his open mind 
 Is simply another name 
 For defective judgment 
 And lack of principle. 
 
 120 
 
THE POEMLESS POET 
 
 IN the olden days 
 The poet wrote 
 Poetry 
 
 And thereby beca'me 
 Famous. 
 
 But in these times 
 He writes 
 Prose 
 
 And by simply 
 Calling it 
 Free verse, 
 Or something 
 Equally indefinable, 
 He places himself 
 Or is placed by others 
 In the halls 
 Of the great. 
 
 121 
 
THE HAT-PIN WOMAN 
 
 BARBAROUSLY serene 
 She goes about 
 And recks not 
 If the spear 
 Thrust through her hat 
 From side to side 
 Protrudes so far 
 As to encounter 
 Her neighbor's 
 Eye or ear or chin. 
 He may dodge it, 
 Or he may not, 
 And his the penalty 
 If he fails 
 
 Successfully to avoid 
 Its poisonous point. 
 Yet he must not complain 
 For is not her headgear 
 By it made safe 
 From all the winds that blow? 
 
 122 
 
THE MODERN GLADIATOR 
 
 IN ancient days 
 The high and mighty 
 Among the multitudes 
 That foregathered 
 In the Colosseum 
 To make a Roman holiday 
 Gave the signal 
 " Thumbs down " 
 That meant death 
 To the vanquished. 
 In these modern days, 
 On the contrary, 
 The defeated gladiator 
 Will have his damaged body 
 Carefully tended 
 By physicians 
 And his injured feelings 
 Soothed by a liberal share 
 Of the spoils. 
 
 123 
 
POOR OMAR 
 
 IN these days of doom 
 Must we 
 Banish Omar the Tentmaker 
 From our bookshelves? 
 If we are forbidden 
 To quench our thirst, 
 We may expect also 
 That the reformer's hand 
 Will fall upon those 
 Who sing the praises 
 Of the fragrant 
 And exhilarating 
 Juice of the grape. 
 Must we then 
 In these days of doo*m 
 Banish Omar the Tentmaker 
 From our bookshelves ? 
 
 125