SALLIE AND SAMMIE HAEEY L. N.R" One-Act Comedj Monologues Dramatic Episodes I ACTOR AND THE JANITOR. THE A Comic Novelty Act CASEY THE INVENTOR A Vaudeville Comic CHATTER Monologue for Males COLLEGE CHUMS, THE A Comedy Inciden DOWN IN PARADISE ALLEY Comedy Sketch FAMILY SECRET Monologue GIVE THE WOMEN A CHANCE A Suffragette Monologue IMMIGRANT INSPECTOR A Comedy Talkfest IN A CABARET Comedy Crossfire INVITATION TO THE BALL Comedy Sketch IZZY'S VACATION A Summer Episode JACK AND HIS QUEEN, A A Comedietta KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL Comedy Sketch MEET MY WIFE A Comedy Diama MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE, THE A Comedy Domestic Upheaval PAIR OF PANTS. A Talking Act ROSE OF MEXICO. A A Drama SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit SPIRIT OF CAPTAIN KIDD. THE Comedy TWO GIRLS AND HIM Comedy Sketch WHAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS SHE KNOWS Suffragette Monologue Price, 25 Cents Each M. WITMAEK & SONS Witmark Building, 144-146 West 37th Street; New York FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS "A TRAMP AMONG CRANKS," Or PERPETUAL MOTION. Sketch for 6 males. By Frank Dumont. A laughable experience in a sanitarium of "eccentric" inventors. Contains an excellent low comedy part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. *'TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN." Sketch for two females. By Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS, Bella Sanders, | Estelle Williams, j .....College Chums Two schoolmates meet, not having seen each other since leaving college. The talk over old times is very amusing. Naturally, they talk over the good and bad points of other mates, although neither believed in "running down" their neighbors. While in college they had agreed never to marry without consulting the other, but time changes matters and they both fall in love with the same man. Nothing could bring discord to these two loyal friends — but — the man — makes a change, and, womanlike, they abuse each other with the tongue. It turns out that the man marries one of their despised mates, so nothing is left but to console each other by ridiculing the man's choice. Excellent sketch for two ladies. Can be done in white or black face. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD." A Modern Musical Burlesque. By Frank Dumont. Five Males — Two Females. There are many burlesques on "Little Red Riding Hood." Mr. Dumont, however, has really outdone all others on this occasion. Ours is an unusual production. We have incorporated all the musical numbers in the book of the play, including the dramatic or cue music. Any musical society can handle this version. Contains excellent speaking parts and abounds in good comedy lines and music. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. With complete piano score of original vocal and incidental numbers. We also rent manuscript arrangements for orchestra when desired. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. SALLIE AND SAMMIE A COMEDY SKIT FOR TWO RUBE KIDS By HARRY Iv. NEWTON Copyright MCMXIV by M. Witmark & Sons International copyright secured IPublished by M. WITMARK & SONS Witmark Building, New York CHICAGO LONDON T^fi^ :^\ ^<^^\ SALLIE AND SAMMIE Note. — The acting rights of this Sketch are ex- pressly reserved by the Publishers, to whom Theatrical Managers who wish to produce it shotdd apply. Amateur repre- sentation may be made zvithout such appli- cation and without charge. \VV\f1t^-u'^/V' ©CLD 38035 SEP-2 19I4 ^^ CHARACTERS Sallie Haskitt — A Country Girl. Sammie Green — A Country Boy. COSTUMES. Sallie — Short gingham dress and sunbonnet. Sammie — Knee trousers, with larg^e patch on seat of same, large bow tie and straw hat. Sammie may be "done" as a "silly kid" if so desired. Time of Playing — Fifteen Minutes. Scene. — A country lane, or exterior in "one." DIAGRAM OF STAGE. D.R.C. CO. b.i.X Vie v, LX, AUDIUNCE. L. I E. — Left first entrance. R. I E. — Right first entrance. ■ L. U. E. — Left upper entrance. C. — Centre of stage. R. C. — Right centre of stage. L. C, — Left centre of stage. C. D. — Centre door. D. R. C. — Door right centre. D. L. C. — Door left centre. \, SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit for Two Rube Kids By Harry L. Newton. (At rise Sallie and Sammie enter from R. and L., singing a ''kid" song, then go into dialogue at finish of song.) Sallie — Are you goin' to Mary Brown's birth- day party, Sammie ? Sammie — No, I ain't. Sallie — Oh, you mustn't say "I ain't." You must say, "I am not goin'." That's proper gram- mar. Now here's a sample lesson in grammar, Sammie. "You are not goin'. He is not goin', we are not goin', she is not goin'." Now, can you say all that, Sammie? Sammie — Sure, I can. There ain't nobody goin'. Sallie — Sammie, you're a fool. But I'm goin' to have a birthday party soon. I was born at six o'clock in the evenin'. When was you born, Sammie? Sammie — I was born at twelve o'clock at night. Sallie — Oh, Sammie, what a whopper. You knov^ your mother wouldn't let you sit up that late. SALLIE AND SAMMIE Sammie — Oh, gosh, Sallie, but you're the fool — not me. Sallie — Well, you're a naughty boy to tell such whoppers. You'll never go to heaven if you're not careful. Sammie^ — Oh, well, I've been to the circus and Uncle Tom's Cabin three times; I can't expect to go everywhere. Sallte — Oh, you're too smart. Just l^ecause you were born in the city you think you're the smartest ever. Sammie — Well, I could a -been born in the coun- try if I'd wanted to, but I didn't want to. Sallie — I'll never speak to you again, so there. Sammie — All right. Let's play somethin'. Sallie — All right. Let's play you're a lady. Sammie^ — A lady? You mean a female, woman, girl, lady? Sallie — Uh— uh ! Sammie — Oh, gee, Sallie, I can't. {Hesi- tatingly) — I ain't got — I ain't got — I jes' ain't got time. Sallie — You ain't got what? Sammie^ — I ain't got t'me — and besides — Say, wdiat kind of a lady do you want me to be? Sallie — I want you to be my mother. Sammie — Oh, gee, let me be your father. Sallie — No ; I said my mother. Sammie — Oh, give the old man a chance, Sallie. Sallie — My mother says that my father has had chances enough. SALLIE AND SAMMIE Sammie — And my father says the only time he has a chance is on pay day. Sallie — Oh, your father is a pessimist. Sammie — He ain't neither. He's a Democrat. Sallie — Well, my mother is a patriot. She's jes' fuller of patriotism than all sixty, and so's all my family. We have a gun that my uncle carried when he fought for the union. Another uncle was killed in a big battle, fighting for the union. My grandfather's picture hangs in our parlor and he wears the uniform of a captain in the Union army. Now I'll jes' bet you can't mention one thing your mother has that would show her love for her country. Can you? Sammie— You bet I can. (Proudly)— My mother has a new union suit. Sallie — Now jes' for that I won't play. Sammie — Oh, don't get mad, SalHe. Come on, I'll be your mother. Say, I ain't got no skirt or nothin' to be a lady with. Sallie— Well, I got a skirt. Jes' wait a minute and I'll get it. Exits and returns immediately zvith a long skirt, zvhich she puts on him. There you are, Sammie. Sammie— All right, Sallie. Now I'm your mother. Come and kiss your mother. {Makes a comedy face, then thrusts out stomach, bending hackivard.) Sallie— Good gracious, Sammie, you're a sight! SALLIE AND SAMMIE Sam M IE — So's your mother. Sallie — She's not. Besides, who ever saw a regular lady look like that. Sammie — Oh, you want me to be a regular lady? Sallie — Of course I do. Sammie — All right. I can be a regular lady. Look. {Draws skirt tightly about his legs, then thrusts out hips and ivalks a feiv steps in comedy manner) — How's that, Sallie? Sallie {Laughs) — Well, where did you ever see a lady walk like that? Sammie — This mornin', down on {local) street. Sallie — Why, that's perfectly awful. Sammie — Yes, that's what they all said. Now watch, Sallie, and I'll show you the different kinds of ladies I've seen. Here's a Dutch one. {Imitates a Dutch girl's walk) — Here's the French girl. {Imitates French girl) — A colored lady. {Imitates a wench) — A young lady so stuck on ragtime that she walks in ragtime. {Walks to music of some ragtime air, then dances a few steps) — A young lady of {local town) crossing the street on a rainy day. {Walks across stage in an ordinary manner) — Here's the same young lady crossing the same street on a dry day. {Walks across stage, lifting skirt high) — Now, Sallie, I'll show you an imita- tion of a real society woman. Sallie — A what? {Horrified.) Sammie — A real society lady. Sallie — Then I am goin' home. This is no place for me if you're goin' to act like a society lady. SALLIE AND SAMMIE 8 Sallie exit R. i. E., leaving Sammie to do his spe- cialty. He exits after specialty. Enter Sallie — Introduces song. Enter Sammie with a pitchfork over one shoulder. He walks across from R. to L. and is about to exit, when : Sallie — Hold on, Sammie; where you goin'? Sammie — I got to go. My father needs me. Sallie — What for? Sammie — To pitch hay. Sallie — Oh, come on and talk to me. Your father don't need you. Sammie — Oh, yes, he does. {Returns to C.) Sallie {At C.) — I heard your father was sick. Sammie — He was the other day. Sallie — And I heard he was married again. Sammie — Yep. Both sick and married on the same day. Sallie — Did gettin' married make him sick? Sammie — Yep. He married a grass widow and caught the hay fever. {Starts to leave.) Sallie — Oh, don't go. Sammie — T jes' got to go. P^ather'U be awful mad if I don't. Sallie — I want to ask you what the teacher asked us in school to-day. Do you know the points of the compass? Sammie — No, I ain't very well acquainted around this neighborhood yet. Sallie — Why, every girl and boy ought to know the points of the compass. I can show you so you'll SALLIE AND SAMMIE never forget 'em. On your right is the South ; on your left is the North, and in front of you is the East. Now what's behind you? Sammie {Looks behind him) — Where? Sallie — Why, right behind you. Sammie {Places a hand on seat of trousers then turns slozvly around and displays the large patch on seat of his trousers to audience) — Oh, gee! I knew it. I told maw somebody'd see that patch. Jes' for that I got to go. {Starts.) Sallie (Laughs) — Aw, don't go. I won't look at it. Besides I got somethin' else to ask you. Sammie — And I got to pitch some hay. Sallie — I heard a word in school to-day and you don't know what it means. Sammie — Do too. I know all the words in the world. Sallie — Well, then what's a refrigerator? Sammie {Confused) — Why, why, a — a— ref — ref ; Say, honest injun; I jes' got to go. Sallie — Oh, you don't know what a refrigerator is. I'll help you jes' a tiny bit. Now what does your maw put the cold meat and vegetables and things in ? Sammie — Oh, I know. HASH! Say, I got to go. Sallie — Say, what are you so anxious to go for? Don't you like me? Sammie — Yes, I like you — Sallie — Then you must be more anxious to pitch hay than you are to talk to me. SALLIE AND SAMMIE lO Sammie — Oh, I ain't so terrible anxious to pitch hay. It's my father ; he's anxious. Sallie — I don't understand. Sammie — Well, you see, father was drivin' a load of hay and it tipped over — and, say I got to go- Sallie — What have YOU got to go for? Sammie — 'Cause father's under the hay. He exits quickly, followed by Sallie CURTAIN PLAYS— SKETCHES AND MONOLOGUES 'THE HABITAT'S REVENGE." A Play in One Act. For 2 Males. By Gordon Rogers. A Canadian-French trapper, while recalling how he and his daughter were wronged by a stranger to whom he showed hospitality, twenty years ago, that very night, and plotting revenge, is suddenly visited by apparently the same man, whom he recognizes, but who does not recognize him. Taking the visitor at a disadvantage, the trapper, before wreaking vengeance upon him, discloses his identity, and recites his wrongs to him, recalling how he was robbed of his only daughter, twenty years before, by the handsome stranger. While the trapper is seeking his child his aged father dies at home, and the daughter afterwards returns to her father's cabin only to die on its threshold. For all this, vows the trapper, the other must die, but just as the much-wronged man is about to put his threat into execution, the younger, realizing that he is the son of the wrongdoer, declares himself just in time to save his life. A powerful dramatic story, most effectively told, and affording opportunities for the portrayal of a strong character study and of an attractive juvenile part. Price, 25 cents, postpaid "THE REHEARSAL." A Novel Social Entertainment. For 7 Females. By Effie W. Merriam. In this most amusing playlet the participants mingle with the audience, thus making the entertainment ap- pear to be entirely extemporaneous. Neither stage, scenery nor special costumes are needed to make it effective; in fact "The Rehearsal'^may be acceptably given either in the parlor or on the porch or lawn, and is so arranged that very little memorizing is neces- sary — a great point in its favor, especially when but little time can be given to preparation. Price, 25 cents, postpaid M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. FRANK DUMONTS FAMOUS PLAYS "The DIALECT COMEDIAN." By Frank Dumont. This is a work that has been much called for. Bits of ever}^ dialect are presented, giving- stories, jokes and gags as they should be told. The little book will assist you greatlv. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "THE ST. LOUIS FAIR HOTEL." Sketch by Frank Dumont. Four Alale Characters. Fun galore in this sketch. It shows an avaricious hotel keeper in operation assisted by his "faithful" man- of-all-work. Price, 26 cents, postpaid. "McWADE'S PLATOON." Burlesque Dialect Police Drill. FINALE FOR FIRST PART. By Frank Dumont. Several nationalities are presented in this drill, giving splendid opportunities for good comedy work. Songs and marches are introduced, making an excellent finale or number for the olio. Something new. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "WHEN WOMEN RULE US." Burlesque and Court House Scene. By Frank Dumont. Twenty Characters. This satire is arranged specially for ladies wherein all the characters are assumed by them; the two hus- bands being represented by the ladies also. This burlesque may be used by gentlemen who, at- tired in grotesque imitation of female wardrobe and fads, can create any amount of laughter by imitating the gentle sex in mannerisms. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. "MY NEW TYPEWRITER." Sketch by Frank Dumont. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Fine A. Silk, a busy agent Mrs. Silk, his wife, assuming disguises of tough girl, old maid and a gushing girly-girly typewriter A "screaming" sketch for one male and one female. Most excellent for a clever woman who can do char- acter parts. In this sketch the female character is obliged to assume three distinct roles, all of which lead up to complications that are ludicrously funny. Plenty of work for the male character — always busy. "My New Typewriter" is a satire on a popular topic. The theme is carefully worked out. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. M. WITMARK & SONS 87 Witmark Bldg. New York POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGKD. THE VERY LATEST PLAYS, MONOLOGUF« J^--— ,iss iTC, HARRY L. "A Rose of Mexico" A Comedy-Dramatic Playlet of Mexkan Life. An Orisrinal Dramatic Playlet for one Male and one Female, the scene of which is laid in Mexico The story is of Carinita, a Mexican girl, recently returned from school in the United States, and Pedro, a Mexican youth who has turned bandit in her ab- sence to secure money enough to ask her to marry him. "A Pair of Pants" A Rapid-Fire Talking Act. This act for straight man and comedian who wants his three dollars, while the other wants his pants, runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and snap- py lines. Plenty of opportunity for good acting. *'A Jack and His Queen" Comedietta m one act for two Males and one Female. Jack Windsor, a young bachelor, returned from an eight years' tour of the world, he decides to settle down by niarrying his fiancee, Flora Mason. Flora pa)s a surreptitious visit to Jack's apartments. "Tot- tie Twinkletoes," a dancer, is to call. Jack discovers Flora in his rooms and mistakes her for Tottie. Flora keeps up the deception and some very smart dialogue ensues. "An Invitation to the Ball'* A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. Plenty of work and good comedy for Mose John- son, a colored servant, and Birdie BirdscU, the daugh- ter of his master, who has made up her mind to at- tend a masque ball with Mose in attendance. "Chatter" A Monologue for Males. This is a brisk and breezy up-to-date monologue for light or low comedians. It is a whirlwind of com- ical lines which reach the apex of wit. Used with great success by professional entertainers. "Down in Paradise Alley** An East Side Episode for one Male and one Female. Tells a delightful story of a young college gradu- ate who has fallen in love with Jerry O'Connell^ a lit- tle East Side street singer, living in Paradise Alley, New York. A charming little playlet in which com- edy and pathos are beautifully blended. The special- ties introduced thro\ighout the playlet are at the op- tion of the performers. "Family Secrets" A Monologue for Rube Girl. This Rube Girl hands you a laugh every two sec- onds on a subject which appeals to all, viz., her de- scription of her home and "folks" Up-State. A summer episode in two scenes. This is a splendid comedy for Hebrew comedians and lady who can play pert young miss. Izzy Goldberg is on a vacation in the country and running across Grace Howe, a breezy person who, in the spirit oi mischief, accuses Izzy of having followed her "Keep Your Eye on^the Ball" A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. For a clever Irish comedian and leading woman Madame Blavatsky. fortune teller, has money disguises himself as Madame Blavatsky. The con, plications that follow must be read to be appre- ciated. "Meet My Wife" A Comedy Skefcli. for two Males and one Female. George Chamberlain, a hen-pecked husband, may not drink, smoke or have an opinion of his own with- out his wife's permission. With the arrival of a friend, Percy Hamilton, he enters into a plot to cir- cumvent his wife and eventually becomes paster in his own house. "The Spirit of Gaptaia Kidd" A \'audevillc Playlet in two scenes. Dealing with the absurd adventures of Timothy McSorley, an Irish laborer, and Hi Grass, a regulai rube, who, on learning of treasure buried by the no-^ torious pirate. Captain Kidd, set out to find it. | This excruciatingly funny playlet is in twcj scenes. It is one long scre^jn from start to finish. "Two Girls and Him" A Comedy classic in one scene for two Females ans scream from beginning to end. More ludicrous "pat ter" could not well be imagined. Thei^ is a dash o brilliant wit and humor that cannot fail to pleas^ ANY OF THE ABOVE 25 CENTS EACH M, WITMARK & SONS 86 WITMARK BUILDING New Yor' LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 910 222 1 ^