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 TABLE TALK 
 IN THE HOME 
 
 THE LITERARY STAFF 
 Of The Institute 
 
 MONOGRAPH OF THE 
 
 AMERICAN INSTITUTE OF CHILD LIFE 
 1714 Chestnut Street, Philadelphia 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1913 
 AMERICAN INSTITUTE OP CHILD LIFE 
 
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 TABLE TALK IN THE HOME. 
 
 "In short, the first duty of a man is to speak; that is his chief business in 
 this world; and talk, which is the harmonious speech of two or more, is by far 
 the most accessible of pleasures. It costs nothing in money; it is all protit; it 
 completes our education, founds and fosters our friendships, and can be enjoyed 
 at any age and in almost any state of health." — Stevenson. 
 
 The Possibilities of Table Talk— Some Ideals for Table Talk — Some Things to 
 Be Cultivated— How to Make Table Talk Effective— Good Table Talk, to be 
 Effective, Must be Prearranged — Subjects for Table Talk: Things Seen — 
 People Met — Things Read — Famous Events or Incidents — Reminiscences — 
 Novels and Plays Summarized — Hobbies — Travel Talk — Humanitarian 
 Movements — Civics — Humor — Games Played at Table — Some Results — 
 References. 
 
 In many modern families the longest consecutive time the members 
 spend together is at the table. The dinner especially has become in 
 most American households living in cities the one place where all the 
 members assemble. But often the hours at this one meeting-place are 
 wasted or even worse and, instead of constituting happy memories, 
 actually leave unhappy ones. 
 
 Meal time is a unique social and moral opportunity to children. "It 
 is not the child of six who sits at the table and listens," says Dr. Colin 
 A. Scott, "it is a human spirit, eager, curious and wondering, sur- 
 rounded by mysteries, willingly taking in what it does not understand 
 to-day, but which will take possession of it next year and become a 
 torch to light it on its way. It is through association of older people 
 that these fructifying ideas come to the child; it is through such talk 
 that he finds the world he is to possess." 
 
 The children are not the only ones who are capable of gaining 
 something from tabic talk. Even parents can learn from the inter- 
 change of ideas. Socrates used to clear up the minds of young people 
 by asking them apparently simple yet ingenious questions, but it has 
 been suggested that he got his reward in clearing up his own mind by 
 listening to their answers. The trouble with books containing collec- 
 tions of the table talk of famous men is that such talk was not really 
 conversation but monologue. It implied a listening audience. But as 
 Carlyle once said, "To sit still and be pumped into "is never an exhilarat- 
 ing process." The family table is a place where the wisest can learn 
 and where the most foolish can sometimes teach. The old adage, "Chil- 
 dren should be seen and not heard," ought really to be reversed. Chil- 
 dren should be both seen and heard. 'Unless they are seen bv and see 
 wise people, how can they become w?se and unless they can be heard, 
 how can they have their fallacies ex'posed ? 
 
 The Possibilities of Table Talk. 
 
 The possibilities of table talk in the nurture of children are well- 
 nigh unlimited. "There is," says Dr. Scott, "no educational oppor- 
 tunity in the home more important than the talk at table. There are 
 homes in which the very atmosphere makes for wide knowledge of life, 
 for generous aims, for citizenship in the world, as well as in the locality 
 
 (g;CI,A3602y2 
 
in which the home stands. Teachers in schools and colleges find the 
 widest differences in the range of information and the quality of intel- 
 ligence of the boys and girls who come to them. Some children bring 
 a store of knowledge and sound tastes with them ; there are some who 
 have had no cultivation of any sort, are ignorant of everything save 
 the few subjects which they have been compelled to study and have no 
 personal acquaintance with books or art or nature or the large affairs 
 of the world. They have absorbed nothing, for there has been nothing 
 to absorb; all that they know has been poured into them. The for- 
 tunate children have grown up in association with men and women of 
 general intelligence, have heard them talk and lived among their 
 books." 
 
 One of the most attractive forms of culture which comes from 
 table talk is the ability to talk well. Those who cannot talk are in the 
 danger expressed by Lord Bacon's pungent phrase, of "suffering their 
 thoughts to pass in smother." "Really good talk," says Arthur C. 
 Benson in his essay on "Conversation," "is one of the greatest pleasures 
 there is, and yet how rarely one comes across it! If people would 
 only look upon conversation in a more serious light how much would 
 be gained. I mean that the more seriously one takes an amusement, 
 the more amusing it becomes. What I wish is that people would apply 
 the same sort of seriousness to talk that they apply to golf and bridge ; 
 that they should desire to improve their game, brood over their mis- 
 takes, try to do better. Why is it that so many people would think it 
 priggish and effeminate to try to improve their talk and yet think it 
 manly and rational to try to shoot better?" It is safe to say that not 
 only ease in conversation but the alertness and variety which indicate 
 an interesting mind are developed more by a course of years of worth- 
 while conversation in the home in childhood than by any other means. 
 Is not one of the finest tests of a man's intelligence the fact that one 
 could look forward to an all-day's ride on a train with him with equa- 
 nimity and even with anticipation? The men whom one does not 
 exhaust in the first hour of talk are not necessarily wiser than others. 
 They are those who have had practice in conversing with their friends 
 upon interesting matters. We may perhaps go so far in appreciating 
 the great intellectual value of conversation to our children as to agree 
 with DeQuincey when he said that talk is "an organ for absolutely 
 creating another mode of power." If table talk can arm young people 
 with new forces for life, it is certainly worth while. 
 
 The correct table manners of a child which arc unaffected and 
 dependable and not mere "company manners" are. it is safe to say, 
 not so much the result of unwearied drill by a mother as they are the 
 characteristic of a child who has sat at a table where he has learned 
 courtesy by imitation and where the intellectual talk has caused the 
 mere appliances of handling the food to fall into their proper and 
 minor places. Still even here skilful devices are appropriate, and meal 
 time may be made the best as well as the most agreeable place for 
 forming beautiful behavior. We have asked some of the mothers who 
 are members of the Institute to tell us some of these homely devices. 
 
 One mother uses imitativeness in the following way: "Belonging 
 to the great throng of people who do not have a nursery or a trained 
 governess for our little folks, I've found it makes the meal time pass 
 more pleasantly for children and grown-ups for them to have their own 
 
little table in the dining room. They arrange flowers, in fact, set their 
 table 'just like Mamma's' with their own baby cups, plates, etc. The 
 chairs they sit in are comfortable. My impression is that they behave 
 far better for the reason that they are more comfortable at their 
 own table than they are at ours. Therefore, much of the grown-ups' 
 fault-findings and corrections are eliminated, which is ever to be 
 desired." 
 
 A number of mothers known to the writer begin by having the 
 children in for dessert only, of which of course they are very fond, 
 and thus they test their good manners only during those favorable 
 moments when they are enjoying themselves. Later, they come for the 
 whole meal. 
 
 Another mother uses the following most ingenious plan, the value 
 of which is that the children treat each other as guests and reprove each 
 other in the third person without giving offence : 
 
 "The old expression 'Children should be seen and not heard' has 
 not been a law in our home. Our little ones have been allowed to con- 
 verse at meal time and that, too, when guests are present. Our boy who 
 is delicate has been inclined, as Charles Dickens said, to 'bolt his food.' 
 So we urged him to take part in the conversation, to avoid hasty eat- 
 ing, and thereby aiding his impaired digestion. 
 
 "When alone with my charges I found a habit growing on me of 
 saying, 'Don't this' and 'Don't that,' when the little ones were careless 
 with food or knife and fork. To avoid this, I hit upon a plan to let 
 each child represent a distinguished person, and observe closely and 
 then report after the meal who made mistakes, the offender forfeiting 
 as many bonbons. You have no idea how careful they were and how 
 much pleasure we derived from the 'game.' Of course, our table was as 
 carefully arranged as though father or guests were present. It was real 
 funny one day when 'President and Mrs. Taft' and 'Ex-President 
 Roosevelt' were the personages — and 'baby Stuart' said, 'Oh, Mama, 
 Mr. Roosevelt made a blunder.' " 
 
 But talk trains in morals as well as in manners. Says Stevenson, 
 "Talk has none of the freezing immunities of the pulpit. It cannot, 
 even if it would, become merely aesthetic or merely classical like litera- 
 ture. A jest intervenes, the solemn humbug is dissolved in laughter, 
 and speech runs forth out of the contemporary groove into the open 
 fields of nature, cheery and cheering, like schoolboys out of school." 
 "In such a frame as this" who can help getting more human and kindly? 
 
 Some Ideals for Table Talk. 
 
 The family table ought to be the Round Table in daily life. It is 
 the place to which all should always bring their best. The table should 
 be set and the talk should be keyed as if for guests. If the greatest 
 Host who ever sat at earthly tables set apart a common meal and left 
 it to be the chief sacrament, it must have been His intention that the 
 common meal everywhere and always should be held sacred. 
 
 One of the ideals of table talk is that there should always be a 
 certain largeness about the family conversation. Genial Professor 
 Mahaffy reminds us that "the weather is almost invariably the first 
 pawn to be moved. This method of opening the game seems, however, 
 so stale that every sensible person should have some paradox or heresy 
 
 4 
 
ready whereby he may break through this idle skirmishinf^ and make 
 the people about him begin to think as soon as possible." Largeness 
 implies, too, the avoidance of constant remarks and comment upon 
 food. Complaint of this kind, which is so constant a habit in so many 
 homes as to be almost unconscious, is a (^ood cause for dyspepsia and 
 is a bad example as well as a bad habit. This also implies the avoidance 
 of personalities on the part of either children or parents, in telling tales 
 about teachers, fellow-pupils, neighbors, or of quarrels or disagreeable 
 contact with friends. It implies the avoidance of any unkindly or 
 thoughtless remarks about anybody. De Quincey once said that "more 
 will be done for the benefit of conversation by the simple magic of good 
 manners (that is chiefly by a system of forbearance) than ever was or 
 can be done by all varieties of intellectual power assembled upon the 
 same arena. Intellectual graces of the highest order may perish and 
 confound each other w-hen exercised in a spirit of ill-temper; whereas 
 very humble powers may accomplish their purpose." How acute was 
 the great essayist in reminding us that the best part of good manners 
 is forbearance, that is, not so much graceful ways of doing things 
 as kindly ways of refraining from saying or doing that which is 
 ungentle. 
 
 "Quite apart from instinct," says Professor Mahafify, "an experi- 
 enced man who is going to tell a story which may have too much point 
 for some of those present, will look round and consider each member of 
 the party, and if there be a single stranger there whose views are not 
 familiar to him, he will forego the pleasure of telling the story rather 
 than make the social mistake of hurting even one of the guests." 
 
 Another ideal for table talk is cheerfulness. This means that 
 father's business troubles and frets and worries, business mechanics 
 or details, which can have no possible general interest to the uninitiated 
 and which only indicate selfish absorption on his part, have no place at 
 table. It means that the mother's household worries and cares, her 
 differences with the servants, the petty details of household life, over- 
 plus of work and troublesomeness of children, are not to be brought to 
 the common meal. This also means that remarks at table about per- 
 sonal faults or peculiarities of habit, mannerisms, etc., of those present 
 are to be avoided. It is a good general rule that nobody is ever to be 
 pointed out or scolded at table and that disagreeable decisions, espe- 
 cially as regards the pleasures of the evening, are never to be made 
 or announced at that time. 
 
 In a certain American home, described by a writer in the Mothers' 
 Magazine, a pleasant custom was inaugurated by the parents while 
 the two daughters and son were quite young. Said the mother to them : 
 
 "A day started right is good until night. Now to breakfast here- 
 after everyone must bring a happy thought, and after grace is said, 
 and before eating, repeat it." 
 
 "Will you bring a happy thought, mama?" 
 
 "Certainly." 
 
 "And papa?" 
 
 "Of course, he will." 
 
 The children took to the idea with great glee. Their "happy" 
 thoughts would be something to talk about and then there was always 
 the anticipation of what father and mother would have to say. The 
 mother said that the first morning the experiment was made the 
 
youngest child sat looking at her plate until her turn to speak came. 
 Then she shyly looked up, gave her parents a quick glance, and said : 
 'T love you." 
 
 One of the ideas of this custom was to have brought to the table 
 a series of pleasing thoughts — pleasing to the possessor, cheering to 
 the listener. Good old Chaucer wrote in early English days : 
 
 "Ye stomache an soulle be mightilie blessed whiche hathe wit an 
 cheere at ye tabble." 
 
 The same writer tells of an English family that has always begun 
 each meal with a song. No matter how few or many may be at home 
 when the dining hour arrives all stand at the table and a single verse of 
 a favorite song is sung. "I have gone to that table in a very depressed 
 mood and by the time the song was ended had my entire view of things 
 changed. In this family, the children, young and grown, are remark- 
 ably cheerful. They have an optimistic way of looking at things, and 
 I attribute much of this to the cheer that is kept uppermost at the table 
 from the beginning of the song to the end of the last dish." 
 
 A father who finds it possible to be at home for every meal of 
 the day makes it a practice to cherish in his memory all the bright 
 things he hears during his work. After the meal begins, a twinkle 
 comes into his eyes and a smile hovers on his lips. This is the signal 
 that he is ready to make others feel as good as he does. I have never 
 heard any member of this family complain of indigestion. Biliousness 
 is a stranger to the family. 
 
 One dear old lady who has reared a large family made it an early 
 practice to read all the wholesome jokes she could find in current lit- 
 erature — funny things and kindly things about little and great people 
 she would absorb during her daily work. Other members of the fam- 
 ily were busy and would miss these, but at meal time they could count 
 on a treat from mother. A smile has always been present at that table, 
 creating harmony between the individuals and radiating good-will 
 toward life and all human beings. 
 
 An employer I know is a steam-engine worker. His place in the 
 firm is important, and he gives twelve hours of driving work each 
 day to his tasks. But there is one thing he will not do. He will not 
 neglect his table. Breakfast, noon lunch and evening dinner are spe- 
 cial cases of rejoicing for him. Business talk is tabooed, cares of 
 work are rolled to one side, only the biggest and best of life is con- 
 sidered. His children reflect his spirit in this respect. They call meal 
 time "the laughing hour." 
 
 No wonder that man can work happily nor that his children are 
 overflowing with hopefulness and helpfulness. 
 
 "Good food and sweet, laughing conversation at the table," wrote 
 Charles Dickens, "are mutual inspirations for a better life." 
 
 Another ideal for table talk is that it should be sociable. This 
 implies that everybody is cheerfully willing, as the saying is, "to keep 
 up an end." However indisposed to talk one mav feel, however 
 unpromising one's companions may seem, the dinner hour is a time to 
 forget oneself, to try to see the best in others and to summon what- 
 ever humor, quickness, natural charm and sympathy are attainable, 
 even if the efifort be considerable. Tell a joke at table every morning. 
 Dr. Gulick advises a misanthrope, even if it hurts you. And he adds : 
 "It won't hurt vou." 
 
One might almost paraphrase the command of the af)ostle: If 
 any man will not talk, neither let him eat. And whoever is present, 
 remember Professor Mahaffy's just remark: '*If you find the com- 
 pany dull, blame yourself." 
 
 One more ideal for table talk is, that it should be instructive. 
 People who would scorn to appear in a negligee toilet at table will 
 utter conversation that is slipshod, vulgar or empty at table. The 
 home in which the talk is planned to instruct the children is not a 
 mere garden where birds and dogs and children play together, but an 
 institution of dignity and value in the training of immortal spirits. 
 
 If table talk is to be all these, it must preserve a happy mean. 
 It should rise above the aimlessness of which De Quincey spoke, "the 
 vast tennis court of conversation where the ball is flying backwards 
 and forwards with no purpose forever," and yet not be dull or deep ; 
 "turning up," as Stevenson has suggested, "a. large surface of life, 
 rather than digging mines into geological strata." It should not often 
 be what he called "the heroic form of gossip," discussion on morals. 
 Better than these is "a strain of graceful gossip, singing like the fire- 
 side kettle," "that kind of talk which is merely luminous and restful, 
 a higher power of silence, the quiet of the evening shared by ruminating 
 friends." 
 
 Some Things to Be Cultivated. 
 
 There are at least three things to be cultivated through table talk. 
 
 One is the power to converse well. We have already spoken of 
 the value of this. 
 
 Another is the power to listen well. We are all familiar with 
 those who are in talk what Stevenson called "piratic" and Mahaffy 
 "social bullies." To be a good conversationalist implies the ability to 
 listen intelligently as well as to talk intelligently. This is a very impor- 
 tant trait. The ability to be interested is of incalculable value through 
 life. It means the willingness to share good ideas with others, not to 
 monopolize the floor to the exclusion of others, not to talk so loudly 
 and continually as to miss listening when something good has been 
 said ; it means the ability to draw others out and to gain the best 
 which each one has to give. That this capacity is not only a means 
 of culture, but also a trait of unfailing charm, goes almost without 
 saying. 
 
 Another thing to be cultivated is the opportunity through table 
 talk of making good ideals contagious. While the wise parent never 
 lectures at table, he often opens up topics for family discussion as 
 the result of which some child gains from the public sentiment of the 
 family a new view of his own conduct. The table is a good place 
 to praise if not to blame. It is well to save up pleasant words for such 
 an occasion, so that all the family may hear the approval which it is 
 w^ell to speak of the conduct of some individual. There is no doubt 
 that the continued expression of good ideals called forth in turn by 
 the news of the day, the events of the neighborhood or the opinions 
 of those at table proves in the course of years to be a character-build- 
 ing influence when preaching and lecturing would have been forgot- 
 ten. This must have been the "here a little and there a little," which 
 the writer of the Proverbs assured men was worth while. 
 
How TO Make Table Talk Effective. 
 
 In order to have fruitful talk at table the atmosphere must be 
 favorable. The setting of the table, the lights and the service should 
 all be of the quality to suggest that there are guests present, for our 
 children are, as a Scotchman has said, "guests from God." The child 
 is not allowed to come to the table with clothing dirty or awry, not only 
 for his own sake, but because he makes the table less beautiful for the 
 rest. Nobody should be allowed to read at table unless the reading is 
 for the benefit of all. In short, it is not a place for individualism of any 
 sort. Whoever will not be agreeable had better eat alone. It should 
 be understood that when a child has been sent away from the table it 
 is not so much as a punishment to him as for the relief of the rest. 
 
 Good Table Talk to be Guaranteed Must be Pre-arranged. 
 
 "The beginning," says Professor Mahaffy, "is evidently the diffi- 
 culty, and surely here, if anywhere, people who have no natural facility 
 should think out some way of opening the conversation, just as chess 
 players have agreed upon several formal openings in their game." It 
 is a good idea to have a definite plan and program for the family 
 conversation which is carried out every day. Such pre-arrangement 
 may seem a trifle stilted at first, but a group of people working together 
 with a common interest in view soon outgrow this phase and enter 
 into the scheme with a keenness and enjoyment which quickly obviate 
 this first embarrassment. Such pre-arrangement implies a leader. This 
 leader may be a parent or one of the children. "What is really needed," 
 says Mr. Benson, "is a kind of moderator of the talk, a sort of president. 
 He should, so to speak, sort of kick-off. And then he should feel or at 
 least simulate an interest in others' point of view. He should ask ques- 
 tions, reply to arguments, encourage, elicit expressions of opinion. He 
 should not desire to steer his own course, but follow the line the talk 
 happens to take." Such informal chairmanship by a "symposiarch," as 
 the Greeks called him, is especially especially helpful to the older chil- 
 dren. It prevents them from teasing the younger ones, it makes them 
 more thoughtful and unselfish and it helps them to realize their respon- 
 sibility as examples. 
 
 In some households there is some kind of informal organization. 
 It may even have a constitution and rules. The family constitutes a 
 club. This club holds its meetings chiefly at table. Here are talked 
 over the proposed activities, improvements of organization and new 
 plans. Sometimes a box is kept upon the center of the table for the 
 reception of fines for indulgence in slang, misuse of English or mis- 
 placement of clothing and other articles. Father and mother are 
 included as well as the children in this fining system. The whole 
 thing is carried on in a playful way and the fine fund is utilized for 
 some form of pleasure for all. 
 
 In one of our Institute homes a positive method of encouraging 
 contributions to the pleasure and profit of all has been worked out as 
 follows : 
 
 "A notebook and boxes of small stars, gold, silver and red, are at 
 mother's place at table. As interesting topics are suggested and dis- 
 cussed, stars of corresponding brilliance are annexed to the names of 
 those contributing. The change this apparently slight incentive has 
 
created in our 'wailing post' has been very encouraging, and we have by 
 no means attained the high ideal which would be possible in many 
 homes. However, like the astrologers of old, we are pressing forward 
 hopefully, reading untold promise in the future. 
 
 "The children watch their daily records eagerly, for experience 
 has taught that delightful privileges are granted the possessor of a 
 certain number of stars. Five gold stars recently admitted an embryo 
 engineer to the Panama Canal travelogue. Later, for well-expressed 
 observations of the entertainment, he received a gold star or its equiva- 
 lent, two silver or four red stars. Little Mary's starry pathway led 
 her to Bonny Scotland. Likewise she received later a gold star for 
 telling at table what she liked best in the travelogue. We have found 
 that the reticent high school lad can develop into quite a star conversa- 
 tionalist when he realizes that a long-coveted football or tennis racket 
 is at the end of a splendid astral record. Father and mother also enter 
 into the spirit of the scheme, laughingly receiving stars for worthy 
 contributions. We often introduce musical numbers on the Victrola, 
 rewarding the quick-eared youngster who recognizes the selection and 
 composer. To-day a small maiden requested a red star for guessing 
 the 'Flying Dutchman,' 'Because,' she said, 'you know the sails of his 
 ship were red as blood.' The story of the opera followed, rewarded by 
 a gold star. 
 
 "There is opportunity for unlimited variety, the children frequently 
 asking what subject they may look up to gain a star. Good stories, 
 questions of the day and current events are encouraged, even the baby 
 must have the privilege of gaining a star by telling what mother has 
 read to him, or lisping a beautiful quotation. Recently one of the chil- 
 dren had been required to learn portions of a chapter on Self-control 
 as a punishment for losing his temper. By making the thoughts his 
 own, and giving them to others at table, he was accorded a gold star, 
 thus sealing the lesson. 
 
 "All this may seem childish to many parents who, however, see 
 nothing childish in the figure of Uncle Sam solemnly marking each 
 onward stride of his family, by pasting a new star on our flag. From 
 the personal experience of many weeks I can say that, highly as I prize 
 our national emblems, more precious by far are these symbols of the 
 daily individual progress of one's family. And it is this thought which 
 has encouraged me to write, — the thought, also, that possibly the 'little 
 star' might become the symbol of hope to even one mother who has 
 been, as I was, often disheartened." 
 
 One of the best ways to make table talk profitable is by welcoming 
 guests. Here is the opportunity by which the children may do one of 
 the three things which Edward Everett Hale said that everybody ought 
 to do every day, — namely, touch shoulders with some one that knows 
 more than themselves. While the appointments and service of the 
 table should not dififer materially when guests are present, there is one 
 thing which should always be done in advance. Every guest has some- 
 thing to give. The parent should notify the children in advance what 
 this expected contribution may be. While the natural and unaffected 
 conversation of children in the presence of guests is always pleasant, 
 they should not be allowed to babble when they would better listen. 
 Even the unpleasant guest may drop pearls from his mouth. Cross 
 Aunt Eliza has just returned from Egypt or deaf old Mrs. Simpson 
 
 9 
 
used to live in a wonderful old-fashioned house in the country and the 
 children should be encouraged to draw forth the things that are worth 
 knowing and remembering. 
 
 "If, on the contrary," Professor Mahaffy reminds us, "we meet a 
 man of acknowledged mental superiority, whether generally or in his 
 special department, it is our social duty by intelligent questioning, by 
 an anxiety to learn from him, to force him to condescend to our 
 ignorance, or join in our fun, till his broader sympathies are awakened, 
 and he plays with us as if we were his children. Indeed this very 
 metaphor points out one of the very remarkable instances of social 
 equality asserted by an inferior — I mean the outspoken freedom of the 
 child — which possesses a peculiar charm, and often thaws the dignity 
 or dissipates the reserve of the great man and woman whose superiority 
 is a perpetual obstacle to them in ordinary society." 
 
 Subjects for Table Talk. 
 
 In some families it has seemed wise to go so far as to adopt an 
 actual weekly program for conversation, to arrange either that the talk 
 should be led in turn on successive mornings or evenings by different 
 members of the family or that definite topics which individuals have 
 asked for should be taken up in turn. This adds a zest to appetite and 
 where people are living large full lives tends to make their reading and 
 thinking more definite. The suggestions that follow are as to possibili- 
 ties in the range of topics to be brought to the attention of a family 
 where there are children. Each of these implies some forethought on 
 the part of the parents and the reader will recognize as he reads those 
 which suggest what the nature of that forethought will be. 
 
 Things Seen. 
 
 "There is," says Charles Dudley Warner in his "Backlog Studies," 
 "no entertainment so full of quiet pleasure as hearing a lady of cultiva- 
 tion and refinement relate her day's experiences in her daily round of 
 calls, charitable visits, shopping, errands of relief and calls of condo- 
 lence. I do not mean gossip by any means or scandal. A woman of 
 culture skims over that like a bird, never touching it with the tip of 
 a wing. What she brings home is the freshness and brightness of life. 
 She touches everything so daintily, she hits oflf a character in a sentence, 
 she gives the pith of a dialogue without tediousness, she mimics without 
 vulgarity ; her narrative sparkles, but it does not sting. The picture of 
 her day is full of vivacity, and it gives new value and freshness to 
 common things." Of course, the experiences which are brought home 
 by the father may be even more unique and interesting. The children 
 also have their fresh angle upon life and soon learn t6 imitate their 
 parents in habits of observation, of humorous relation and of acute 
 detail. Some of the themes which the day's work suggest are these: in 
 riding by trolley or elevated train, many incidents of people coming and 
 going, pretty hats and dresses, interesting conversation, curious char- 
 acters, foreigners or distinguished people. Looking in shop windows, 
 there are the artistic arrangements and the new fashions. In the 
 market, mother notices the fresh vegetables and fruits, their beauty of 
 color and the facts about them as told by the grocer or marketman. 
 Father in the office has had a letter with a foreign post-mark, in the 
 
 ID 
 
shop has received a new invoice of goods from a foreign country, in the 
 factory has installed a w^onderful new machine or has seen a fine piece 
 of handwork turned out. In the country or the parks there are the 
 interesting things about Nature : the migration of birds, the blooming of 
 flowers, indications of the change of the seasons or such special features 
 as birds' nests, the ant hills, the habits of birds or animals. Comment 
 upon a single incident in Nature often leads to watching and special 
 reports from time to time. Some of you remember the record which 
 was kept in that delightful story, "The Loves of Pelleas and Etarre." 
 
 March 9th. Robin. Pelleas. 
 
 March loth. Blue-bird. Etarre. 
 
 March 12th. Phoebe. Etarre. 
 
 Note: The earliest we have seen in five years. 
 
 March i6th. Geese (flying). Pelleas. 
 
 March 21st. Song Sparrow. Pelleas. 
 
 March 21st. Meadow Lark. Pelleas. 
 
 Note : Not perfectly certain. Nearly so. 
 April 5th. House Wren. Etarre. 
 
 Note: Did not see it. Heard it. 
 April 1 2th. High Holder. Etarre. 
 
 April 14th. Sparrow Hawk. Pelleas. 
 
 Note : May have been a pigeon hawk. 
 April 29th. Rose breasted Grosbeaks (pair). Etarre and Pelleas. 
 
 It is a good idea to shoot forth a question suggested by some- 
 thing that has been seen and leave it with the children to think of or 
 look up, referring to it again a day or two later. The following sample 
 questions immediately suggest to the reader the item of observation 
 which called them forth. 
 
 What is the largest star you can see to-night? 
 
 Why are two stars in the Dipper called pointers ? 
 
 What color are crows' eggs ? 
 
 What use are crows to farmers ? 
 
 How does a dog know a stranger? 
 
 What are some of the pets kept by sailors in our navy ? 
 
 Does a bird ever sail with his tail toward the wind? 
 
 How can you tell an oak tree? 
 
 Why is salt water not good for plants ? 
 
 What makes us sneeze? 
 
 What is the purpose of holes in the young bark of a tree ? 
 
 Why does a duck never get wet ? 
 
 Another kind of questions may be propounded which have no direct 
 connection with immediate observation, but which are thought-starters. 
 Such are these: 
 
 What makes a bee hum? 
 
 Does a tadpole know he will lose his tail? 
 
 Where are a frog's ears? 
 
 How did a pig nearly cause a war? 
 
 How did we get the umbrella? 
 
 Why will a rug smother a fire ? 
 
 II 
 
What should you do in case of fire at our house? 
 
 How do West Point cadets do honor to the flag? 
 
 An Institute mother finds "thought-starters" naturally, in this way : 
 
 "If the rolls of bread are especially nice, we often take a grain of 
 wheat and follow it from the time when it was a little 'seed baby' until 
 it comes to us in different forms (bread, rolls, or cake), and how 
 dependent we are upon each other, and how we are all dependent upon 
 God. 
 
 "Or sometimes we take the table and chairs and trace them from 
 the time they were 'great trees' in the forest until they come to us. 
 
 "Marjory going to school, we talk about the 'happy' things that 
 happened at school and leave the little troubles (which to them are very 
 great) until bedtime when the lights are out. That is the time we have 
 our little talks 'all alone.' " 
 
 The experiences of the day in school ought to be called for every 
 night, for the sake of the knowledge of the parents as well as the 
 memory of the child. Often many misapprehensions as to the attitude 
 of the teacher, influences resulting from the code of the school-ground 
 or projects emanating from a foolish companion may be thus promptly 
 and pleasantly corrected. 
 
 People Met. 
 
 Oftentimes in his business relations a father meets people who 
 have something of interest to offer in the exchange of ideas : people of 
 different nationalities, from different parts of our own country or who 
 reveal curious parts of their own history. To cultivate this sort of 
 genial interest in the folks one passes by is to awaken a steady in- 
 terest in people and to develop a habit of kindly helpfulness in 
 growing boys and girls which makes for a large humanity in after 
 years. Of such Stevenson said : "Others in conversation seek rather 
 contact with their fellow-men than increase of knowledge or clarity of 
 thought. The drama, not the philosophy, of life is the sphere of their 
 intellectual activity. Even when they pursue truth, they desire as much 
 as possible of what we may call human scenerv along the road they 
 follow. They dwell in the heart of life; the blood sounding in their 
 ears, their eyes laying hold of what delights them with an avidity that 
 makes them blind to all besides, their interest riveted on people, living, 
 loving, talking, tangible people." This, too, will awaken a general 
 interest in community life, — policemen, motormen, street cleaners, men 
 at the railroad crossings, girls behind the counter. Often one runs 
 across bits of poignant experience and gains the picturesque back- 
 ground of these lives. The ability to draw out such Ijits of human life 
 and to relate them gives one a rich fund for thought and conversation. 
 It cultivates the literary as well as the humane sense. Manv of our 
 best magazine articles are written from just such simple incidents of 
 human life. 
 
 Things Read. 
 
 A daily newspaper if brought to the table should not selfishly be 
 hoarded by one, but shared by all. Happy is the father who has the 
 ability thus to interpret the news of the day. His biographer says of 
 Horace Bushnell : "At breakfast the daily paper became through him 
 
 12 
 
the epitome of the world to us all. He brought to the reading all his 
 resources, gave his thought on social philosophy ; his knowledge of 
 geography, chemistry and geology ; his love of adventure, of mechanics, 
 of architecture, and of engineering in its various branches ; and throw- 
 ing his own light on every subject evolved from the daily telegrams a 
 fascinating panoramic view of the world's life for the past twenty- 
 four hours. Under his magic insight the most commonplace events 
 assumed an unlooked-for meaning, and took their place in relation to 
 all other events and histories. He had no unrelated facts." Gerald 
 Stanley Lee says that a daily newspaper is "the background of the 
 world," and that "reading a morning paper is one of the supreme acts 
 of presence of mind in a human life." No doubt an intelligent father 
 could, if he would, give his children a liberal education out of the 
 allusions and history, geography, science and discovery which are 
 suggested in his morning journal. 
 
 What the children have read or studied in school is also a good 
 topic for table talk. Here is a chance to straighten out many mis- 
 conceptions, to give an interest to a hated subject, to stimulate search 
 in a new direction, in ways which should make wearied school teachers 
 grateful. 
 
 Famous Events or Incidents. 
 
 A period in history might be taken for a month and once a week 
 devoted to the relation of interesting facts connected with it, or anni- 
 versaries might be observed by contributions of special information 
 from different members of the family, or countries selected concerning 
 the events in which chosen members of the family should be called 
 upon from time to time to report. 
 
 Reminiscences. 
 
 Children seldom seem to tire of reminiscences from the past, and 
 no doubt they get a more interested view of history from such personal 
 experiences than from textbooks. Happy is the home in which abides 
 an old person who brings down the traditions of an earlier time. It 
 is especially helpful to that form of family pride which implies noblesse 
 oblige, if through such reminiscences of brave and true ancestors or 
 pictures of pioneer struggles the children can come to determine never 
 to do dishonor to their clan. 
 
 Novels and Plays Summarized. 
 
 The power to tell the story of a good novel in a condensed and 
 interesting way is a great art and the discussion of such characters as 
 are famous and important in a book will prove invaluable. To tell what 
 parts of the book one likes best and why is to cultivate the power of 
 critical judgment. To tell why a character is admirable or otherwise 
 and just why it makes its appeal to one is a great help in the formation 
 of sound judgments of character and high ideals. Many children will 
 be allured to the reading of good books if they get a taste of them thus 
 through hearsay and no exercise could be more profitable than for a 
 child to endeavor to summarize what he has just read himself. It is 
 similarly difficult and worth while to be able to condense the story of a 
 play which has been seen. Parents, of course, should alwavs know the 
 character of the plays which their children attend. The discussion of 
 
 13 
 
what has been seen at table serves to correct false or evil impressions, 
 to put the parent upon his guard, or to develop the taste for that which 
 is good. 
 
 Hobbies. 
 
 This should make an interesting and diverting theme for conversa- 
 tion every once in a while. Usually every member of a family circle 
 has a hobby horse which he rides. "The first and best receipt to make 
 a man agreeable is to make him talk about what he likes best," says 
 Mahaffy, and Hazlitt, emphasizing enthusiasm, adds of a talker: "If 
 a person liked anything, if he took snuff heartily, it was sufficient." 
 
 We are too often busy over our own affairs to make room for the 
 interests of other people. Some of us parents have been amazed to 
 listen to the animated and intelligent conversation of some child of ours 
 whose predominant interest has been discovered or evolved by a casual 
 guest. The family circle should be indulgent enough to be willing to 
 listen to each others' hobbies. 
 
 Travel Talk, 
 
 Nothing can prove more delightful to people who must stay at 
 home than interesting conversation about other countries chosen as the 
 topic of table talk. The writer knows of two women, disappointed for 
 many years in their desire to travel through England, who spent a 
 summer in an imaginary tour through that countr\% giving several days 
 (at table) to each place and even going so far as to date their letters 
 from the imaginary place concerning which they were talking. 
 
 Humanitarian Movements. 
 
 There should be room occasionally at table, perhaps as a result of 
 suggestions in the day's news, for conversation about betterment move- 
 ments in the community, such as playgrounds, the Boy Scouts, the Camp 
 Fire Girls or the Big Brother Movement, the Y. M. C. A. or the nearest 
 Social Settlement, etc. If children could know these movements from 
 the personal and human side they would later in life have a more intelli- 
 gent and loyal devotion to them. 
 
 Civics. 
 
 Similarly, topics which concern the public welfare of the city or 
 village and the family's personal relationship thereto should came up 
 once in a while. Some questions such as these should be propounded : 
 
 How can we help care of the city streets ? 
 
 What can we do to help provide safer amusements for young 
 people ? 
 
 Are we using the school buildings as much as we might? 
 
 How far are we responsible for specific social conditions in our 
 city or neighborhood? 
 
 The kind of moving picture shows we have here: what good and 
 what harm results from them? 
 
 How about our theaters? 
 
 Humor. 
 
 To bring all the wholesome humor which is possible to the table is 
 an excellent means of whetting the appetite. To tell a story well and to 
 
 14 
 
the point and in true dramatic fashion is a rare gift and the home table 
 is a good place to "try it out on." If a child has told a good story well, 
 he should be complimented upon it and that story should be regarded 
 as his own proprietorship for future use in the home. Everybody 
 should be glad and good-natured when any child succeeds in working 
 a good "sell" on the rest of the household. Good jokes and truly funny 
 stories are a wholesome ofT-set for vulgar and pernicious jokes, which 
 are usually told for lack of the refined power of selection by young 
 people. It is as important to develop a good taste in jokes in a child as 
 it is a good taste in art, for what a child laughs at and what a child 
 admires are very closely related. The fact that the kind of humor 
 which appeals to a little child is not especially enjoyable to the adult 
 intelligence should not prevent the youngsters from being allowed to 
 contribute their quota. 
 
 We might fairly classify under humor a method of instruction 
 used in one family connected with the Institute. The father was some- 
 what concerned over the son, of seven, who is a precocious boy, but 
 who, apparently for lack of interest or attention, cannot spell. This is 
 his effective method of cure : 
 
 "Each meal we teach our boy one word, — either its definition or 
 its correct spelling. Usually the word is brought to our attention by 
 something directly or indirectly connected with the meal. (To try to 
 teach more than one word would not be wise, for reasons digestive, 
 etc.) For example, he is fond of cake. After being taught the spelling, 
 he could get a piece only by spelling. He knows it now, backwards!" 
 
 Games Played at Table. 
 
 It is often a pleasant diversion for people to play games at table, 
 especially toward the close of the meal. The game of "Twenty Ques- 
 tions" is familiar and good. Telling a story in sections, demanding that 
 the next take up the point left off and continue, is good exercise. 
 Guessing games, describing some familiar or famous event or scene, are 
 instructive. Guessing riddles or conundrums is a great diversion and 
 sharpens wits. An original game was invented by one motherly soul 
 to teach children good manners and to avoid the nagging habit of inces- 
 santly calling attention to the lapses of others during the meal. After 
 dinner was over, a short time was given occasionally during which 
 each one in turn was allowed to imitate any wrong table manners which 
 he had observed in someone else at the table, and then the guessing 
 as to whom the fault belonged was done by the others. The caricature 
 of one's behavior made much fun and a deep impression and took all 
 the sting of personal rebuke out of the situation. 
 
 Some Results. 
 
 Such a meal time, at morning or at noon, sends the family out 
 separately with merry or loving faces to meet the burdens or respon- 
 sibilities of the rest of the day. If it comes at the close of the day it 
 leads to a pleasant evening. Children who enjoy such fellowship are 
 not likely to be strongly attracted away from home at night. Even 
 when the members of the family are obliged to be apart, they will be 
 together in spirit. "* They are creating happy memories which will always 
 hold them together. The problem of discipline in such households will 
 
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 021 760 978 
 
 never be a difficult one, where sympathy is thus continually being re- 
 established. The children of such households grow up alert, interesting 
 and interested, to live lives full of intelligence and charm. Truly upon 
 such tables shine the high lights and at such boards is perpetually 
 broken the Bread of Life. 
 
 REFERENCES. 
 
 The number of books directly bearing upon this topic is few. The 
 following may, for various reasons, be helpful. 
 
 The Lost Art of Conversation, 366 pp., edited with an introduction by Horatio 
 S. Krans, published by Sturgis and Wahon Co., New York. 
 A collection of the nine greatest essays on conversation in our language. 
 These are: Of Discourse, by Francis Bacon; Conversation, by Thomas De 
 Quincey; The Principles of the Art of Conversation, by J. P. Mahaffy; 
 Hints Towards an Essay on Conversation, and Genteel and Ingenious Con- 
 versation, by Jonathan Swift; On the Conversation of Authors, and On 
 the Conversation of Lords, by William Hazlitt; Truth of Intercourse, and 
 Talk and Talkers, by Robert Louis Stevenson. 
 
 From A College Window, 365 pp., by Arthur Christopher Benson, published by 
 G. P. Putnam's Sons, New York. 
 Two chapters, one upon "Sociabilities" and the other upon "Conversa- 
 tion" are suggestive, and the tone of this as well as of most of his delightful 
 books is that of intelligent, gracious talk with friends. 
 
 The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, various editions, by Oliver Wendell 
 Holmes, published by Houghton Mifflin Co., Boston. 
 
 Such a romantic boarding house surely there never was on sea or land, 
 even in Boston, and never was there such table talk, except from the "Auto- 
 crat's" own lips. Yet the ideal is expressed here, of humor, tenderness, 
 genial outlook on men and life, which has been hinted at in this paper. 
 
 The School in the Home, 210 pp., by A. A. Berle, published by Moffat, Yard & 
 Company, N. Y. 
 This book emphasizes the possibilities of bringing children forward 
 intellectually by means of direct and inspiring conversation in the home. 
 Although table talk is not frequently referred to, it is apparent that much 
 of the home education of the Berle children was accomplished at the family 
 meal. Through such converse, wisely planned, the author shows how chil- 
 dren may become masters of the tools of language, how their minds may be 
 fertilized and organized, how the imagination may be harnessed, how intel- 
 lectual ambition may be stimulated and how they may win a life-long love for 
 the pleasures of the mind. 
 
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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
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