t^b fa ^ ^ 
 
 opy 1 
 
 ^HORRID MUSICAL DRAMA 
 
 IX 
 
 THREE T^OTS. 
 
 ^..M,j 
 
 .:.|HJURED 
 
 • •• 
 
 
 •f- INHOCEHTS. 
 
 ■*yip^\-!^- -'. ' -^^r^J^ 
 
 
 Founded on the old English Ballad of ' ' Babes in the Woods. 
 
 BY 
 
 R. A. BARNET. 
 
^.^ 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS 
 
 1 l^orrili iiiflusical Drama in E\)xt£ lets. 
 
 FuHudcd oil the old liiiglisJi Bixllad of ''Babes in tJie Woods 
 
 BY 
 
 R. A. HARNKT 
 
 From •• Knglish as She is Taught.'' 
 •• rUigiarist — a writer of plays 
 
 Copyright, 18'JO, by U. A. Kanict. 
 
 BOSTON: 
 
 PUBLISHED BY E. M. STILLIX(;S .V: CO 
 1 8 II tl . 
 

 TMP92-008641 
 
Time : iin'nihportiint. Place : England. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene I, Courtyard of McAllister Hall, M<'Allister. 
 
 .Scene i*, Anteroom of McAllister Hall. (Designed by Poker). 
 Scenp: 3, .Schoolroom and nursery of McAllister Hall. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene, A mountain pass. (You will only see a mountain pass — not a 
 panorama.) 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 .Scene, Market place in McAllister village, McAUistershire. 
 
CHARACTERS. 
 
 Sir. Rawi>on- .Slolmoxi»i-ey M* Allistki: . 
 
 Lady Eawdox Slolmuxki.ey McAllistei: 
 
 In temporarv poss^ession of McAllister Hall and. like many of tlu- 
 nobiiitT. ••bard np '. " As tliey have no marriageable son. the 
 United States olfers no attractions to them and they are obhged 
 to resort to hut we anticipate. 
 
 Ceiu'.ic McAllister 
 
 M-vm.rERiTE McAllister 
 
 Two sweet, innocent little children, without guile and. if their luicle and 
 
 aimt had their way. would be withotit but we will not destroy 
 
 your anticipation of the denov.emerd .' 
 
 Sir Bexvolio Ca-ey 
 
 Sir Bertram O'Shaughxessy 
 
 Two characters ! Bather a commonplace remark, but common place is not 
 
 ;q:'plicable to these gentlemen. 
 
 ii..ci,,i; Regent ALi) Empirico 
 
 Harriet Saltun-tall Murphy of Boston 
 
 Who weave the sheeny thread of budding love in our little romance. ^\ e 
 say ••sheeny"" in its poetic sense only. 
 
 HeXJ:V EUFYA2C 
 
 George Ttttf 
 
 Two professional gentlemen swindlers. Yoti must not confound them with 
 stmimer hotel xifoprietors. or regular managers of church fairs. 
 
 Mike Fee. a retainer 
 
 ^Vho plays a modest but worthy part. 
 
 (ourtiers. Lords. Ladies. Vassals. Lads, Lassies, Timid Tillage Maids and 
 Wild Animals by the full strength of the company. 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 ScEXK I. — CoxtHyard of McAllister Hall. Chorus in hunting 
 costume lounging about, some plaging dice, others quoits, others 
 drinking. Pack of hounds with keepers, hack. As curtain rises 
 huntsman, c, blows the himting horn off rigid, which is ansicered 
 hg another in the distance. Sir Bertram reclining, u-ell dou-n 
 front. Enter Sir Bexvolio. right entrance. 
 
 Sir Bexv. How now, boys, ready for the cliase '.' — Good mor- 
 row, Sir Bertram. 
 
 Sir Bert. Bather hid me good day, Sir Knight. 
 
 Sir Bexv. Forsooth then 1 I hid thee good day. 
 
 Sir Bert. By the rolling orhl I've thought of a joke I Woiilil 
 you like to hear it in all its primeval freshness ? 
 
 Chorus. Yes, Sir Bertram, in all its freshness. 
 
 Sir Bert. A wit, a man of jests, in passing through the marts 
 of trade, stopped for a glance at an auctioneer's — the auctioneer 
 seeino- the fellow, quoth : "Friend,! thank thee for a hiM."" Then 
 saith our jester, '•' 1 bid thee good day ! " 
 (All look perfectly blank and soleynn, and sing sixtpcn measure.^ 
 
 of-Auld Lang Syne.'") 
 
 Sir Bexv. Oh, you naughty Knight ! Oh. you bad Knight 1 ! 
 
 Oh. WUAT a Knight!!! But come, let us prepare for the 
 
 chase — 
 
 Sir Bert, (rery much disgu.'ited). Go chase yourself ! I care 
 not for the chase. 
 
 Sir Bexv. Xav ! Xav ! >[v bully boy. not so. Think how 
 
C, IXJUEED IXXOCEXTS. 
 
 our douglitv aiK-estor>: did drive tlie wild beast to liis lair. Shall 
 we not •' fijo to." as says our Willie Shakspeare ".' 
 
 Sir Bekt. Why certainly go to any place you please. 
 
 But stay I here comes Sir Rawdon and his noble hound. 
 
 (Eider Sii: Eawdox, left, lioldhirj a rope or sfrln;/ to wJiich is 
 
 attached a rrri/s/iiall dog.) 
 
 SiK fiAW. ^'erv true: I am coming, and so is the dog. {Pohit- 
 iiiff towards the wings). Behold the leader of our pack 1 our -'right 
 biiw-wotcer." Look at him ! 
 
 All. We are looking. Sir Rawdon. 
 
 Sir Bexv. How do you call that dog".' 
 
 Sir Raw. I don't call him. I pull the string. (Suits the action 
 to the word). 
 
 Sir Ben'v. Let us to the chase '. Where is the fox? 
 
 Sir Raw. What 1 tlie fox not here ? I"ll bet you, she's got 
 him ! ( Looks nn.riously about. ) You know •• she " I — Lady McAl- 
 ]j<t^>i- — niv wife! She has a great deal of character. 
 
 Sir Bex\. Has what ".' 
 
 Su; Raw. A great deal of character. 
 
 Sir Bert. How does it ati'ect her'.' 
 
 Sir Raw. Tt doesn't affect her at all — it affects me I 
 Song — Sir Rawdox. 
 
 (Enter Retaixer. left, with a ho.r in which is supposed to he 
 
 a fo:r.) 
 
 Sir Raw. What, hoi Retainer! Is the fox within '.' 
 
 Retaixer. He i>. my lord ! 
 
 Sir Raw. Bravo ! On to the hunt ! ZS'o time have we to lose. 
 To the saddle ! Sound tlie horns ! I will let the fox out. ( Horns, i 
 
 Sir Bert. This really makes us seem quite English, you 
 know. 
 
 Sir Bexv. Seem .juite English ! Blast it, maiL we are English ! 
 
 Sir Bert. Why. fawncy ! I forgot ! We are English ! ! 
 
 Sir Raw. Away ! Away ! 
 
 EuII hunting chorus. 
 
IN.IUKED INNOCENTS. 7 
 
 (At endiny of chonrs move off' rigJit entrances, most of charms get- 
 ting off till' stage before they are called hack by Sir Rawdon.) 
 SiK Raw. Come back, my friends ; not so fast. The fox hasn't 
 
 started yet ! (To Retainer.) Where's your wild beast? Is lie 
 
 within ? {jiointlng to box.) 
 
 Retaixer {looking very carefully in the box). He is, my lord I 
 
 (Taking another look.) Fast asleej) ! 
 Sir Raw. Full him out I 
 Sir Bert. How can you chase the wild beast to Iiis lair, Sir 
 
 Rawdon, when he is tame '.' 
 
 Sir Benv. And hasn't any lair ? 
 
 Sir Raw. Base minions ! what next ? 
 
 Lady JVIcA. (from without). Sir Rawdon I Sir Rawdon I 
 
 (All start in terror — Ladv M<'A. enters left, advances to centre 
 of stage and looks carefully around, especially at the hounds 
 and box containing the fo.r.) 
 
 Lady M(!A. For twenty-seven years I have been Vice-President 
 of the McAllister Branch of the Woman's Auxiliary to the British 
 Hoard of tlie International Society for the Prevention of Cruelty 
 to L)umb Beasts, and 1 have never seen so cruel a sight as this. 
 
 Sir Raw, I would I were a damn beast — 1 would say dumb 
 beast. 
 
 Lady McA. In mj- official capacity, Tompkins, I request 
 you to remove these astonished and disappointed hounds. As 
 for you, gentlemen, join the Myopia Club and hunt the rabbits 
 of Beverly; as Cadet sharpshooters hit the insentient bull's-eye, 
 or chase the flying hours ; but never, never, for mere purposes of 
 pleasure so disappoint your dogs again. Sir Rawdon, 1 wish to 
 sj)eak to you. (rents, stand not upon the order of your going, 
 but allcz I — 
 
 (E.reunt omnes, e.rcejjt Sir Rawdon and Lady McAllister 
 Lady McA. seats herself down fro //t right. Sir Rawdox .stand- 
 ing, opposite side of stage.) 
 
 Lady McA. Sir Rawdon, why so distant '.' (After a pause, in 
 a very decided tone and indicating a place by her side.) Love I sit 
 down ! 
 
8 TN.TTTRED [XTsTOCENTS. 
 
 Sii; Raw. I am really very conifovtable, thank you — 
 
 Lady Mr A. {i^eri/ emphatically and in a tierij loud tone). Love ! 
 ^it DOWN! (S:i; Eawdon sits.) We will now disi-uss family 
 and financial matte I's. 
 
 SiK Raw. Oil no ! Let's talk about Nikisch and the symphony 
 coji certs. 
 
 Lady McA, {ignoring Srii Rawdon's remark). The morning 
 mail brought seven hundred and thirteen letters for you. Have you 
 read them ? 
 
 Sir Raw. No; I did not feel letterary this morning — 
 
 Lady McA. They were all duns! seven hundred and thirteen 
 {lookiiig about mysterionsl i/). Listen I Your brother was drowned 
 at sea — 
 
 Sir Raw. I suppose so ; he fell overboard nine hundred miles 
 from land and couldn't swim — 
 
 Lady McA. (crushingly). Your brother was drowned at sea, 
 hypothetically drowned, and as sole inheritors of this vast estate 
 he left behind two puny, fair-haired babes; so frail were they (^cery 
 tenderly) it seemed as if kind Nature must take them to herself 
 (^pauses to wipe away « tear — changes tone), but she didn't. 
 They grew up uncommonly healthy. Now Cedric is twelve, and 
 Marguerite's tender years are ten-dear. 
 
 Sir Raw. That's good! As a ''bon-mot,'' that's good! It is 
 certainly a legal tender. 
 
 Lady McA. (maj estiva II y). If allowed to continue — I would 
 say that they will in a few years own the whole chebang. Some- 
 thing must be done. The hour has come for action. 
 
 Sir Raw. We might expose them to something — wliooping 
 t-ougli, or criticism, or nervous prostration. 
 
 Lady McA. (^Deepening her noice, and very dra Diatieall y.) 
 No ! they must be murdered ! ! 
 
 Sir Raw. (rery m/ildly). Do you really tin id\ so '.' {Knocking 
 at tire gate. Lady 'Mc\. 2)crcej)tiOly affected.) 
 
 Ladv McA. They must be foully dealt with!! (Knocking 
 rontinned.) What means that summons? 
 
 Sii; Uaw. rcrliaps it means that some 'iin's at the gate. 
 
INJURED IXNOCENT8. 9 
 
 (At first knockiiiff. serraiit enters, left, uu'th a rer// la rge tray ; 
 goes to gate, receives card, places it on the tray and comes down 
 to Lady Mr A., and at this ■point hands card to Lady McA. 
 The second knocking should occur after servant gets on stage 
 and before getting to the gate.) 
 
 Lady McA. {after reading card, to servant). Show the gentle- 
 men in. (Servant opens the gate wide.) (To Sir Kaw.) Can.st 
 screw tliy counige to tlie sticking place?- — - 
 
 Sir Raw. Anything that is agreeable to you, birdling. 
 
 Lady McA. 'Tis well. Here are the agents for the deed. 
 Confer with them. (E.rit Lady McA., r. e.) 
 
 (Enter two rujfian.'< througJi the gate, hack, dancing in.) 
 
 Duet — Tavo Ruffians. 
 
 Sir Raw. Lady Rawdon Slolmondley McAllister, the massive 
 lady who just made her exit first entrance right, said you were 
 some sort of agents ; she didn't say what kind. You might be 
 lightning rod, insurance or railroad freight by your appearance, 
 but — 
 
 1st Ruf. (^)uite true. I am an agent. 
 
 2d Ruf. And I also am a gent. 
 
 Sir Raw. ( )h ! 
 
 1st Ruf. We alleviate misery. Tliat's our l>usiness ! — general 
 agents for alleviation of misery. Have a card. (Jdarids Sir Raw. 
 a card.) 
 
 Sir Raw. (^reads). •• Rufyan A: Tuff, general agents for allevia- 
 tion of miser}'. Quick Despatcb. Cut Rates. Call us up on the 
 telephone." (Puzzled.) Hum — ah — how — how's busijiess? 
 
 2d Ruf. Shooting ahead, but considerably cut up — 
 
 1st Ruf. With a good deal of " knocking down." 
 
 2d Ruf. Here's our tariff — its list. There is a trade discount 
 of seventy-five and three tens if we are assured of your regular 
 custom. 
 
 Sir Raw. (reads). '"'Assisting at a liank opening, i'loO ; 2'^^^^- 
 ing contribution box with a bell punch, £300 — without the bell 
 punch we take our chances ; advice in family matters, according 
 
10 INJUKED IXXOCEXTS. 
 
 to c-irciiiiistaiiccs."" 1 think 1 will take some of tliat last ; (aside) 
 a mail can't be dunned for circumstances. Have you liad any 
 experience with children'/ 
 
 I'd Ri'V. Do we look like nursery maids ? 
 
 Sii; Kaw. Oh, no, no, not exactly. I — I will elucidate ^ly 
 In-other was drowiuHl at sea, hypothetically drowned. 
 l^j. Ki-F. Was it fatal? 
 
 Sii; Raw. Apjiarently ; he never came l>ack. His babes sur- 
 vive liim. 
 
 1st Rvv. Great heavens ! then they live — 
 
 Sir Kaav. That'> just the trouble. They keep ri^lit on living. 
 Xow, what would you ask to — to — I hate to say it. I can't bear 
 to think of it I ^Vhat would you ask to — to — i)resent them to an 
 orphan asylum ? 
 
 2d Euf. {falnthj). Don't mention it I Don't mention it I I 
 couldn't — I am too tender-hearted. (After a jhi use.) I think 1 
 know a man who could — 
 
 1st Kuk. (pleased). George, you insinuating rascal ! Oh, it's 
 a great work to alleviate misery I Perhaps you would like to read 
 some of our testimonials. (Hands newsjxiper to Stk TvAW.) 
 
 Sii; Raw. i^reads). The Shah of Persia is a great dancer — 
 
 1st. RiK. That's a catch liead. 
 
 SiK Raw. (ronthiaes readiny). Apropos of dancing, the Rev. 
 R. E. ]\Iorse of Spokane Falls. Washington Territory, writes : 
 
 "For fourteen years I was an inveterate dancer. Despite the 
 remonstrance of solicitous friends and the restless inquietude of my 
 own conscience, I continued to increase in proficiency. My spec- 
 ialfv was the St. Vitus. After seven years I was troubled with 
 pain in the back, loss jiif appetite and en-nu-i." 
 
 1st. Rlf. An;/ive — French. 
 
 Si i; R.A w. '• On taking one dose of Rufyan & Tuff's Panacea for 
 Pain, I never again felt any discomfort to speak of.'' 
 
 1st Ruf. (siffhs). That is all true. We believe in being accu- 
 rate even in advertisements. You notice it says ■• to speak of" at 
 the end — ''never felt any discomfort to speak of.'' 
 
INJURED INNOCEXTS. Jl 
 
 2d Hvv. Brother Morse lia|)peiied t(t die just then of e7un/i. 
 After that he didn't say anything to siieak of. 
 
 811;. Raw. Did lie feel any discomfort whirli lie didn't speak 
 
 of.' 
 
 1st K'lTF. He was a (dergyniaii — of tlie An(h»\er Stdiool — we 
 can't telL 
 
 SiK Raw. You said lie died of cniiiii? 
 
 2i) 'Rnv. Ves — in a niihl form. 
 
 Sir Raw. How — liow miicli uouhl you ask to expose tiie 
 (•liihiren to eiinti! '.' 
 
 I'd IvUF. Excuse me, please, while I hrush away a tear. I am 
 
 too u-iiileless — ] thiidv I know a, man who [loohing at 1st ruf- 
 
 _ti(()i). 
 
 1st Ruf. George, forbear ! You are too flattering. Sir Raw- 
 don, for the mere technique of such an undertaking it is easy to 
 name a price, but it is another matter to set a value upon tugs at 
 our heart-strings, occasioned by dealing with innocent little 
 children. 
 
 2i) Ruf. -How dear to our hearts are the scenes of our child- 
 hood, when such folid recollections present them to view I "' 
 
 1st Ruf. How hard it is to convert into pounds, shillings and 
 pence a tug at your heart-strings I — also to know how many tugs 
 to charge. Ah, the p(»wer of a sweet child I 
 
 2i) Ruf. •• X simple child, that lightly draws its breath and 
 feels its life in every lind) ; what should it know of death I '' 
 
 1st Ruf. Also, '-Hark to the hurried question of Despair, 
 ' Where is ni}' child ? ' An echo answers, ' Where ? ' '' How does 
 two hundred guineas strike you, including an echo ? 
 
 Siii Raw. Is it cash, or will 3^ou trust '.' 
 
 1st Ruf. The latter condition is imjxxssible, as both Mr. Tuff 
 ami myself are in the fidlest sympathy with the popular prejudice 
 ugainst " Trusts." 
 
 2d Ruf. ((jarrotes Sir Rawdo.v and indls h'liii to the (jround). 
 A\aunt, there ! Bloated represejitative of a depleted aristocracy of 
 fimr hundred ! I Grovel in the dust ! — grovel ! — dust I — grovel I 
 
 8tr Raw. {as he falls). Help ! help ! I help ! ! I 
 
12 INJURED INXOCEXTS. 
 
 Lady McA. (rushes in k. e.). ( >h, my dear husband I oh, what 
 would I not give for his ransom I Take all! — take the children, 
 but give me back Sir E-awdon ! (2d Ritf. permits Sir Rawdon 
 to get up.) 
 
 1st Ruf. Good lady, br not solicitous. This gentleman, my 
 colleague — I might style him m}^ dear friend — a worthy man — 
 but, I beg pardon, you haven't met. Lady JVIcAllister, allow me to 
 ])resent Mr. Geoi'ge Tuff. 
 
 (Here foUoivs an extravagant imitation of an introduction a la 
 society, conversation very animated. After a pause 07i part of 
 Sir Rawdon, lie interrupts, and 2i) Euf. conies douni and de- 
 livers his line.) 
 
 Sir Raw. What did you knock me d()wu for? 
 2d Ruf. Don't mention it — just a little advertising. That 
 
 kind of alleviating is four pound ten — 
 
 Lady McA. We are good friends, then, and I hojje agreed upon 
 
 all preliminaries. 
 
 2d Rl;f. We seem to be entiiely harmonious. 
 
 Lady McA. Then this evening, ere the sun shall set, gentle 
 
 Cedric and brave Marguerite shall be jaelded to your care. 
 
 2d Ruf. Trust them to us ; the_y will feel no discomfort after 
 
 that. 
 
 LsT Ruf. Well, nothing to speak of — 
 
 <,)uAUTETTE— Topical .'<ouf/. 
 
 ''But iSI"uTHi.\(; to Sfeak of.'' 
 
 Pr'aps you tJiink we are bad. Well, we are a cnuiilj sly, 
 
 " But nothing to speak of." 
 We may appear cynical and wink our Ic/t eye, 
 
 "But nothing to speak of." 
 We have our bad moments — in fact, so have you — 
 But we're often real good and simple and true, 
 And when we backslide we are apt to feel blue, 
 
 " But nothing to speak of." 
 
 JiJud of /Scene I. 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 13 
 
 Scene II., Front Drop Ixtkriok. — Enter Goaerxess ivitli 
 note-book and hook of jioeins ; reads from latter, l. e., and passes 
 nearly across stage ivltliout loolcbu/ up, ivalking slowly. Sud- 
 denly aware fl/e audience is before I/er, site looks vp and. says : 
 
 Gov. Excuse me — dear Bvowiiiug is so absorbing. I know I 
 look like a mere butterfly, but I am not. I am esoteric — that's 
 my charm. True, I have a hard time ; what with teaching those 
 dull children and keeping my place in theosophy I'm busy. If it 
 wasn't for the Doctor and Browning I should pine away; I should 
 grow thin. There he comes now, dear man — not Browning, but 
 the Doctor. I will be coy. 
 
 Doctor (enter Doctor l. e.. and standing near entrance). At 
 last I have found her. 
 
 Gov. I know sucli a nice quotation, I always have it at my 
 tongue's end — or else in my note-book [looks in that). 
 
 Doctor [looking at Iter adwAringly). In all her tutiu'ed Idve- 
 liness. 
 
 Gov. Or else in the original (consalts book ifjjoenis). 
 
 Doctor [still gazing at her). In all her cultured sweetness. 
 
 Gov. T can't find it — it must be in the other volume. Why, 
 Doctor, are you there? Good morning. (\)iM'TO\i recognizes ]t a- 
 with a bow, etc.) 
 
 Doctor (aside). Harriet doesn't handsome up nnicli, but how 
 she can talk. [Tenderly, coming down three or four steps.) Me- 
 thinks you look sad today. 
 
 Gov. Methinks I do. If it wasn't for one thing tlie bloom 
 would fade entirely from my damaged — damask cheek. 
 
 Doctor [rajytnroitsly). What is that ? 
 
 Gov. Boston. 
 
 Doctor [dejected). Oh 1 
 
 Gov. 1 have not been home for many years, l)ut I like to feel 
 that Boston is not so far away. The air blows right over the ocean 
 from Boston, you know. Isn't it beautiful to think some of the 
 
N IlSrJlTRED rXXOCEXTS. 
 
 air around us may \h' from dear Boston ? (Wipes her glasses.) 
 
 DocTOK. Harriet, I have long adored tliee from afar. 
 
 Gov. {aside). So soulful ! Doctor, wliy don't you try it nearer to ? 
 
 DocToiJ {rapturously, and eortiiiuj toward Iter qiuckhj). I will ! 
 {Piitthi(j Jiis arm, ahout her u:a\st). Wilt l)e mine? 
 
 (^i)\. {rerij arrhhj). Reginald, 1 can't wilt — the air is too em- 
 bracing. 
 
 D(t('Ti)i;. Harriet, do not treat this matter lightly; pause 
 before you give me your final answer. The last census gave 
 09,362 more women than men in ^Eassachusctts — a gain of 9,000 
 from 1S89 — 
 
 (jr(;>\. (qiilrl-ly. throtvlmj herself In his anus}. Reginald, T am 
 thine ! 
 
 SoxG. 
 
 Jvud of Scene II. 
 
 ScEXE ni. — A srhool-rooni with maps on ivalls, uiorable hlaek- 
 Iioard. desks for the tun) children and teacher, with plenty of 
 hooks, especially small ones to he used when CKDRrc and Mak- 
 (irEUiTK throw tJieni at the Govekxkss. 
 
 (After droj) is ujj Malmuertte u/id ijK])nic dance in from door 
 hack.) 
 
 (Sony.) 
 
 Ma km;. (lood I That old, disagreeable governess isn't here yet. 
 {Sits down eatiny an apple.) 
 
 Ced. She makes me feel indis})Osed I ! I 
 
 Mak(;. (still eating apple). Do you su])])ose, Cedric. that all 
 Boston people are like her? — 
 
 Ced. So I've heard. They are all brainy, and wear spectacles. 
 
 Mak<;. (still eatiny). How dreadful I Can't tliey do sometliiiig 
 for it? — 
 
IX.JITRET) rXNOCEXTS. 1.") 
 
 ('KD. They (loiTt want til — -tlieylike that sort of tiling — and 
 they Jo say that _y(iu can't vote in Boston unless yon can recite 
 a (h'eek ode and know at least three of Beetlioven's symphonies. 
 
 Mart;. Fancy I Who is Beethos en — is he a Bostonian ? 
 
 Cei). jSTaw I Margnei'ite. you don't know nothing, (live nie a 
 l.ite •' 
 
 Maki;. No, 1 won't — you can Inuc the core when I get through. 
 
 ('kd. I (hm't want it — I've got soinetliing hetter. {^Sits doicii 
 and takes oti.t a chjan'iff and IhjJits if.) 
 
 Mar(i. Why, Cedric McAllister I smoking a cigarette! You 
 horrid hoy — what would uncle and aunt say ? 
 
 Ced. I don't care a 
 
 Mak(;. Sucdi language ! Cedric McAllister ! If you dcui't sto[) 
 smoking I'll tell Aunt McAllister. 
 
 C/Ei). You will, will you '.' Now, you've got to smoke one your- 
 self. 
 
 MAR(i. If vou dare to — Cedric, I'll never speak to \du as long 
 as I live. 
 
 (C/iases MAR<iUERiTE around the stage.) 
 
 {Business. — Make MAR(iUERiTE liglit a ('igarette and take three 
 or four -whiff's. After she has done so, she will sit dotvn and 
 keep her eyes on one sjjot and look miserable. Be eareful, how- 
 erer, that this business does not get too suggestive. Governess 
 comes in after jVIakguerite sits dotvn. Part of the following con- 
 versation is carried, on d.uring the above described " bv,.n7iess.") 
 
 Ceu. Here, take it in .\-onr nioutli. "NTiiw juiff ! puff I ! or I'll 
 choke you ! 
 
 Maro. Oh! Oh! 
 
 Ced. Now will you tell Aunt McAllister? How do yon feel 
 now ? You girls can't stand anything. 
 
 (Enter Governess.) 
 
 Gov. Marguerite, what on earth is the matter with you? 
 Maro. (sobbing). Cedric — Cedric — made me — smoke — a 
 cigarette — 
 
](>, IX.TURED IXXOCEXTS. 
 
 Gov. Infamous I Why didn't you come to me? 
 
 MAEii. I didn't know you smoked, m'am. 
 
 Gov. Impudence ! Xow take your seats. We will now begin 
 our morning lessons. Marguerite, what kind of a noun is "kiss"? 
 
 ]MARii. It is both proper and common. 
 
 Gov. Uh, you horrid thing I Again : If Cedric had been b^rn 
 a pagan, what would he have been called ? 
 
 Mar<t. a heathen. 
 
 Ced. If ]Marguerite had been born a pagan would they have 
 called her a she then ? 
 
 Gov. Cedric. if you and five other children were at a table and 
 there were nine apples on the table, and, beginning with you, each 
 child took an apple, how many would be left ? 
 
 Ced. I had first show ? 
 
 Gov. Yes. 
 
 Ced. Five I 
 
 Gov. What ? Five ? Nine apples in the tirst i>lace, six chil- 
 dren, each take one, and you say five apples left ? 
 
 Ced. Oh.no! Five rltUdren left. I should scoop the whole 
 orchard. 
 
 Got. Marguerite, if a man is born in Poland what is he called ? 
 
 Maeg. a Pole. 
 
 Gov. Cedric. if a man is born in Ireland what is he called? 
 
 Ced. a policeman. 
 
 Gov. You stupid boy. I'll punish you for that answer — its 
 the only way to make you smart. 
 
 Ced. You will, will you ? Then we'll have a Brazilian Revolu- 
 tion — a change of government I Take that I {Throws hook.) 
 And that 1 {Throws another.) 
 
 ^Iakg. I'll join — and that I (Throvjs a book.) 
 
 {Sounds of horns tcithout. Enter, hnck, Sir Raw. and Ladv 
 Mc A. followed by full chorus and principals. Sir Raw. and 
 Lady McA. come down front without noticing the confusion in 
 the school-room. Children keep throwing books until Sir Raw. 
 commences his lines to thp Go"\t:rxess.) 
 
IXJURET) INXOCEXTS. 17 
 
 Sir Raw. My love, our friends are iioav retiiriied from the 
 chase. I pray jovi let us j)roceed no further in this business — 
 
 Lady Me A. Proceed no further I Madman! Seest thou not the 
 wheel of fortune pausing at our stakes ? Shall we tamely yield 
 them ? 
 
 Sir Raw. Oh, no ! I woiddn't give up our stakes. 
 
 Lady MfA. Ali I now thou seem'st thyself — art not afeared to 
 he the same in thine own act and valor th;it thou ai't in desire. 
 Thou hast w'ell said — 
 
 Sir Raw. {just looking up ond ilhcorerliKj cli'ddreti and Gov- 
 erness). Miss Harriet, what perfect control you have over the chil- 
 dren. Do you teach the Quincy method? 
 
 (Cedric and Marguerite use this cue for tliroirhiy seceral books 
 
 at the Goverxess.) 
 
 Gov. No {dodfjiny a hook): this is the South Boston system — 
 
 Sir Raw. Oh I 
 
 Lady McA. Marguerite! Cedric! {Both come doimi front.) 
 We have decided to send 3'ou away on an excursion. 
 
 Sir Raw. Yes, on a Raymond Excursion. 
 
 Mar(t, How lovely! And auntie, w'ill you have a little book, 
 and know just where we are and what we are doing every minute 
 we are gone ? 
 
 Sir Raw. Yes ; we'll know just where you are ! At 12.46 to- 
 juorrow you'll be (aside) cavorting in the consomme — 
 
 Ced. Will the excursion be extensive and all details personally 
 conducted '.' 
 
 Lady McA. Yes, my dears ; and here are two of Raymond's 
 most trusted agents who came to take care of you especially. 
 
 Sir Benv. (to Sir Bert.. Doctor and Gov. and Chorus). 
 Like you the savor of the business ? Methinks some danger over- 
 hangs the innocents, whereof you sleek villains hold the drop. 
 
 Sir Bert. Methinks so, too. 
 
 Sir Benv. Shall we to the fore '.' Shall we be cons[iicuous in 
 this matter '.' 
 
 Gov. Gentlemen, we can do nothing — it would not be in good 
 form. 
 
18 IX.TURED IXXOCEXTS. 
 
 Di>< Toi;. Tnu'. '-it would not be in good form.'* 
 
 All. ••True, it would not be in good form."" 
 
 Ladv ]\rcA. Farewelb dear children ! I know how you struggle 
 to conceal vour emotion. Let us not prolong the parting. — Haste 
 to 3'our holiday with these estimable gentlemen — 
 
 Both Euk.s. Haste thee — dear children. Bid our friends 
 (idieii (exfrarar/atif Frencli acrei)f). 
 
 Ladv INIcA. Farewell 1 1 Farewell ! I 
 
 All. Farewell ! Fare thee well I and if forever, still forever 
 fare thee well I 
 
 SiK Eaw. Sliake a ••l)V-by."" 
 
 (Full chofiiif. 'Tableau as curtuui falls. Euffiaxs Jiastening 
 cliildren njf' stage ; or dramatic tableau of just tal-ing them out 
 the door. Rest of comxjany separating on either side. Sir Raw- 
 pox conscience-stricken, Ladv ^hk. defiant. Sir Bexv. and 
 Sir Bert.. Doctor and Gov. conferring together^ 
 
 End of Art T. 
 
INJURED IXXOCEXTS. 19 
 
 ACT IT. 
 
 ScKXE. — Moioitain-pass v:'dh aieic of rUlaije in the diHtance In 
 the ralleij. Curtain rises white orchestra is jdaijinij " Dov't 
 (jet weary, children.'^ Ruffiaxs and Childrex ciynving down 
 tnouHta ill -side, one Rcffiax heading the squad and the other 
 hrinijing iq> in the rear. One Kl'ffiax corri/ing a trnnh, the 
 other a large satchel. Children', reri/ mwh exhausted, come 
 down front, right, and sit down : might take oxit a lunch and 
 eat. Ruffians come down front, left, and imt doxon trunk 
 and satchel. 2d Ruffiax seats himself on trunk. 
 
 2d Elf. Ah, Henry! It is at sucli times as these that our 
 early training in the dramatic profession proves so valuable. 
 
 1st Ruf. Even so. We have walked twenty miles and are just 
 as fresh as ever. 
 
 2d Rlf. Yes, Harry, just as <• fresh.'' But it is telling on the 
 kids. However, that is lietter than the kids telling on us. 
 
 1st Ruf. George, I feel some compunction ahout those kids. 
 
 2d Ruf. [with the greatest sttrj^rise). What '.' 
 
 1st Ruf. My conscience troubles me. 
 
 2d Ruf. (laughing). Ho, lio ! He, he I 
 
 1st Ruf. George, you may leer at me with 3'our leers and jeer 
 at me with your jeers, but I don't feel right about it. I made it a 
 principle in earl}^ manhood never to deceive children ; and here 
 I've brought these little innocents twenty miles and I have not 
 told them yet that we intend to kill them. George, is it just or 
 courteous ? 
 
 2d Ruf. Well, Henry, what do we gain by telling them '.' They 
 think thev are on an excursion. They are enjoying themselves. 
 Thev fear nothing because they know nothing. Why isn't it 
 better to keep them in ignorance ? 
 
 1st Ruf. Yes, George, but this principle manufactured in early 
 manhood constitutes my entire stock of principles, and I should so 
 like to hang on to it. 
 
20 r\.TT'i;ED i\xorE>fts. 
 
 2p Euf. Henry. I can refuse you nothing. Tell them. 
 
 '1st Rup". Come hither, little children. (Clnhlren more a f>'ic 
 steps foivards him. ) 
 
 I'd Rif. Come hither a few more ''hiths.'" little children. 
 {Childrei) come iij> closer.) 
 
 1st E.UF. Little (diildren, we should have told you before we 
 started that at sonu^ convenient, seckuled point we are goin.i:^ to 
 kill you. 
 
 2i> Ei'F. We cannot tell exactly when or where, little children. 
 as we wish to select a time and ])lace that will not l)e aus])icious 
 for detection. 
 
 1st Ruf. We ought to liave told you this before. You will 
 please excuse the omission, little children ; it wall not occur again. 
 Now I feel better. 
 
 (^During the conversation Childrkx agitated, moving a wag from 
 the Rt'ffiaxs.) 
 
 Ced. Marguerite I what shall we do '.•" 
 
 Marg. About tjie only thing that occurs to me is to give 
 away our playthings and kind'er get ready. 
 
 Cfd. Perhaps if we indulge in some of our innocent prattle it 
 may soften their hard hearts. 
 
 Marg. What shall wf jn-attle about ? 
 
 Cei). (.)h ! anything. 
 
 Marg. (to 1st Ruf). Were you ever a little lioy '.' 
 
 1st Ruf. Xo ; we w^ere both little girls. 
 
 Cp:i). Prattling don't work. Let us try ilattery. 
 
 MAR(r. How ? 
 
 Ced. I think I overheard, them say the}' had been actors. Tell 
 them they look like actors — real actors. Nobody can withstand 
 that compliment. 
 
 Marg. Can you act (to Ruf.) ? 
 
 1st Ruf. What do you think we are doing this evening? 
 
 MAR(i. I mean, are you real actors ? 
 
 2i> Ri*F. Why? Have you noticed anything in my manner 
 that leads 3'ou to suspect such a thing? 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 21 
 
 Cei>. < )1). 11(1 1 not tlie slightest; l>ut we tliouglit ycni sort of 
 looked like actors. 
 
 1st Euf. Little children, we confess we luive trod the hoards. 
 
 Mar(;. And did 3'ou ever take a part? 
 
 2d E-uf. Not when we could get the whole. 
 
 Makg. Couldn't you honor Cedric and myself with a few choice 
 selections from your brilliant repertoire. 
 
 2d Ruf. (pleased). Not a bad idea 1 These are rather nice 
 children. 
 
 1st liuv. Show excellent liome training. flsT ^UF. feels in 
 all his pockets, goes to 2d Ruf., wJiispers in his ear; 2d Ruf. 
 shakes his head ; then hi- (joes to Cedric.) Cedric, lend me a nickel ? 
 
 Ced. What for ? 
 
 1st Ruf. Yonder trunk, which contains our extensive ward- 
 robe, is secured by drop-a-nickel-in-the-slot combination lock. I 
 desire to open it in order to give you a full dress performance. 
 
 (Business of dropplntj nickel in the trunk.) 
 
 Ced. Now, Marguerite, laugli at all their old jokes and applaud 
 everything. 
 
 MAK(i. Oh I I know. This isn't the first time I've been a 
 deaddiead. 
 
 Ced. When an opportune moment comes we'll skip. 
 
 1st Ruf. Now, my dear young friends, we will give you some 
 remembrances of those days when we were "unthinking, idle, wild 
 and young." 
 
 2d Ruf. And when "• we laughed and danced and talked and 
 sung." 
 
 (Sonijs and specialties by the Ruffians.) 
 
 (Exit Cedkk; and Mar(;uerite, right.) 
 
 2d Ruf. Our usual luck, Henry, the audience have left before 
 the end of the performance — the children have escaped us. 
 
 1st Ruf. Which way did they go? 
 
 2d Ruf. That vf^y (points ojf left. Uvfyiass pick up trunks 
 and things and exit, left.) 
 
22 inmithp:i) innocents. 
 
 {Enter, r'lfjhf, Cedric and Mar(;ukrite.) 
 
 Ced. Well, jMiirgie, we have escaped that danger. 
 
 Mar(;. Yes; hut how does the present situation strike you V 
 
 Ced. Where are we ? 
 
 MAR(i. I don't know. 
 
 Ced. Nothing looks familiar around here;. 
 
 ^[ar(;. Still this whole affair seems familiar to me. Wieked 
 uncle and aunt, two ruffians, two tender children — a girl and a 
 boy — deserted in a wood. 
 
 Ced. AVhy, of course; "Bahes in the Wood." 
 
 MAR(t. That's it: 
 
 Ced. But those tw<> little fools laid down U^ die. 
 
 Mar<;. Yes ; and some little birds that were in the neighlior- 
 hood came along and covered them up with leaves. 
 
 Ced. Well, you can bet your sweet life I'm not going to take 
 any such chances to get bedclothes ! 
 
 jVIari;. That's very smart, Cedric McAllister; but where are 
 you going to get better accommodations '.' 
 
 i^Clmi'ifs 'I Iff side.) 
 
 Cei>. Hark ! what is that ? 
 
 {After chorus is p'nislied.) 
 
 JVLAJ^(;. Some people carolling forth. 
 
 Ced. Come down this mountain path. Perhaps we can iind 
 those voices. 
 
 {Exit, (jKck. CedJUO (did ]\[AR(a'ERITE.) 
 
 ( Lu/lif •' vi/ldiii,''' iiiiislr. Enter, left, hear ; walks slowt 1/ across stiuje 
 to irhcre the Children made exit, looks a moment off and then 
 comes nuiij d.own front, loolcs aron)id at the audioiee, puts up 
 ears, winks an e//c, and then tarns aronnd and exits exactly 
 adhere the Ciiii.DiiE.v did. As the hear turns from down front 
 In <io had;, orchestra plays cornet solo, '■'■How can I hear to leave 
 thee,-' nntil hear is off'.) 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 23 
 
 {Eiifer, left, two Eup^p^jans hiokhnj ahniit.) 
 lii) Ki'F. We are oliscrved — 
 1st Ruf. By whom ? 
 2d Rur. The audience I 
 
 (Ex 'if, left, both.) 
 
 (Entei- CuoiU'A, rhjlit, suk/Jikj same air as teas siiikj hij coiicealed 
 ehorus earlier In t/ieseeiie. lifter u-etl oh. enter '^^wi Kaw., Ladv 
 McA., 8iK Ben v.. Sii;, Bkkt., D(i( t<»i; and the (f()Vi:i;Np;ss.) 
 
 8rK Raw. Tliank you, kind friends, for trying to make tlie 
 journey as [)leasant as possihlc I appreciate your graceful, artistic 
 rendering of tlic inarch. Your technique is perfect, and your 
 rhythm and plirasing heyond criticism ; but none of it can solace 
 my distracted mind nr my disordered stomach. 
 
 Lady McA. ])e^u- friends, he patient with Sir Rawdon, he is 
 suffering from a complication of medicines, and is not in the proper 
 mood to enjoy anything exce})t poor liealth. 
 
 Sir Raw. Oh, remorse! remorse!! 
 
 Ladv MoA. Sit down here, vSir Rawdon, on this mossy knoll. 
 
 Sir Raw. i^after sitting, jiivips np sudden/ //). P^alal thought! 
 It may be a i-emossy knoll ! (,)uick. Doctor, give me a number four. 
 
 DocToit. No, Sir Rawdon, this is the time you take a number 
 eight. 
 (Doctor indiuttans coat and sJniws a rart rldije belt or soiiiethlii;/ 
 
 similar filed wltJr plilals, eaeh one iiuiiihered with a irumher 
 
 large enough to he seen bg the audience. Takes ant nninher 
 
 eight and gives Su;, Ra>v. (( pill — a large one.) 
 
 Sir Raw. Lady McAllister, it is straiige we lind no trace of 
 the children — are you sure they were taken in this direction ? 
 
 Lady McA. <,},uite sure — we came by the shorter route, they 
 took the longer. They must walk this way. (Tahes strides across 
 stage, and points off left.) 
 
 Sir Raw. If they do walk that way it will bring on a, relapse. 
 Doctor, let me have a number five. (DocTOi; gives pill.) 
 (Ejiter tivo Ruffians, left.) 
 
24 INJURED INNOCENTS. 
 
 I'll \{vh\ Here are several of the leading characters and the en- 
 tire chorus — what shall we say to them ? 
 
 1st Ruf. Kothing I They have the next lines — our entrance 
 is the cue ■ — 
 
 (Ruffians Jlsrovered.) 
 
 V Ti/i " A r Where are the children? 
 
 Lady Mo A. ) 
 
 Both Rufs. Oh! they're all right I — 
 
 Sir Raw. (jot/fifl/i/). They live! 
 
 Ladv McA. (sadly). They live 1 
 
 Both Rufs. When you interrupted us we were about to say. 
 oh ! they're all right if they kept good marching distance from the 
 bear. 
 
 Chorus A bear? 
 
 Rufs. A bear ! I 
 
 1st Ruf. We left the darlings a moment in order to slack our 
 thirst in yonder limping stream — 
 
 2d Ruf. And just as I was taking my slack I looked across tlie 
 ravine and I saw the children tripping down the mountain side 
 with the bear in the perspective. 
 
 Sir Raw. What! ho! Search you ravine. 
 
 (Doctor starts to f/o, but Gtox'krnkss tries to detain hini.) 
 
 Gov. Reginald! for my sake do not take any chances with the 
 bear I 
 
 Doctor. Harriet, be assured there is no danger ; I am used to 
 bears — I was short of Sugar Trust all last fall. (Doctor, exit, bark.) 
 
 (Ruffians herkoii to Lady McA.) 
 
 LsT Ri'F. I'he little children are now pushing clouds; band us 
 over the cash ■ — • 
 
 Lady McA. Are )ou certain ? 
 
 2d Ruf. As certain as I am a sinner. 
 
 Lady McA. That is uufloulited security. Here is your money ! 
 (Jut of my sight ! 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 25 
 
 (Enter DocTOi; frovi Ixicl,-.) 
 
 Doctor. All I could tiud was the prints of their little shoes 
 upon the pebbly beach. 
 
 SiK Raw. Did you bring any of the prints '■! Although I prefer 
 artist's proof, a print would have been better than nothing. 
 
 Doctor. I fear. Sir Kawdon, that Cedric and Marguerite are 
 done for. 
 
 8iK Raw. i^iritli yreaf etnofiDu). Don't say that! Don't say 
 that ! 
 
 ])o('TOR. I withdraw the obnoxious remark. 
 
 Lady MoA. Friends, I am more hopeful ; I think the dear 
 children may be found. Come, let us try to cheer Sir Rawdon. 
 
 (( 'iioKi's — Ciirf((!ii.) 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 27 
 
 ACT ITT. 
 
 v^cKNK. Marhf't-phice drroratcil wltli hoofJ/s. etc Chorus in 
 
 holidaij (df'n-e. Cirrfxhi riin<i up wlu'Ir rliorus Is s!n;/hi;/. Dur- 
 iiiq the sliHjbuj rhorus ivalkliKj about and Jiiially exeunt umnes 
 on the last stnilns. SiK Benvolio and Sir Bektkam alone 
 remain In centre sta(/e. haeh, 
 
 {Songs and specialties, Sir Benv. and Sui Bert.) 
 
 Sir Benv. (looklnjj off right n/per). Here come the McAllisters. 
 See how gloomy they look ! 
 
 Sir Bert. They have heen in tlie gloaming ever since the 
 children left. 
 
 Sir Benv. It is remorse ! 
 
 Sir Bert. Or malaria 1 
 
 Sir Benv. Or either. 
 
 Sir Bert. < )r neither. 
 
 Sir Benv. Let us conceal ourselves while they pass. 
 
 Sir Bert. Let us — (tliei/ slvrphj come don-n front and stand 
 In the centre of the stage In t],e most e„iisi>lcuons place, onl ij not 
 so as to Interfere n-lth Sir IIawhon and Ladv McAm-ister.) 
 
 {J^Jnfer Sir Kawdon "ihI Lai>v McAllister, right, hoth made 
 up to look verg pale and distressed.) 
 
 Ladv McA. I wish those darn children had never heen horn \ 
 
 Sir Raw. (/v;-// despondent). I wish tliey liad never been mur- 
 dered — 
 
 Ladv McA. Hush 1 McAllister, are you crazy ? 
 
 Sir Raw. No, but 1 am weary of life. I would like to re- 
 nounce the world and— move t.. Philadelphia. 
 
2S IX.TURED TNXOf'ENTS. 
 
 Lady McA. {dni mafinin i/ > hi plor'nKj Sir Raw. nu lipv laiecs, 
 i'.i'ti'in;(ii/fi iifli/, (111(1 loirei'iiKj h(n' rolcc <if each. repefi.tl(m. of ^^ Not so 
 hi((l I's flidt '"). Oil, Heavens! Not so bad as that ! ! ! Not so bad as 
 tliat !! Not so bad as tliat! 
 
 (Sir. IvAAVDON fitroirs ]ier fi'oin lihii mtd she fnUs on fJic stage.) 
 
 Sir Raw. (still reri/ ilespoiideiit). Why do we coivic liere to 
 "festiv" ill tliese festivities? 
 
 Lady MoA. Wliy '.' 
 
 Sii; Eaav. Yes, wliy '•' 
 
 Lady McA. Welb why do we come liere to "festiv" in these 
 festivities '.' 
 
 Sir Raw. Oh, come off I That is not a conundrum and tliis is no 
 minstrel show. ( l^erij savageltj.) Woman ! if you had not tempted 
 me those chihlven would be here ! (indieatiiig a spot directlt/ in 
 front of liini ; after a pause, still looking at the liidleated spot, 
 ehanges it hy pointing to another pi a ee, saijing inildlij) No; about 
 here. 
 
 Lady" McA. That's right ! Just like you men ; Ever since 
 that unfortunate ap})le episode in Eden you keep throwing it at ns 
 women, and it is usually the core. But come and get a pink 
 lemonade in tlie neigliboring Booth ; it will make you Barrett 
 
 1 letter. 
 
 Sir Raw. Bootli ! — Barrett! — a witticism! (fl^eru shrvlg a nd. 
 irithout expression) Ha! ha! — -lia! ha! (Pause.) No! it is of 
 no use — I cannot be gay ! 
 
 (liJj-it Sir Raw. a /id Lady McA., left. Sii; Bkn\-. avd Sir; Bert. 
 
 do not speah until tlieij {the McAlf.istkrs) are rutin-l ij off the 
 stage.) 
 
 Sir Beny. Do not make ai motion or we shall be discovered ; 
 and if we are discovered we shall lie found out. 
 
 Sii; Bert. And if we are found we are lost. Who comes'.' 
 
 Sii; 1>kny. The Doctor and tlie (ioverness. 
 
 Sii; Bkht. 1^'rom the McAllisters V 
 
INJURED IXXOCKN'T.S. -j.) 
 
 SiK BkiNV. Yes. {TnL-;nij out Jiash-.) Let us coiiceaJ :i still — 
 J iuc;ui, still conceal ourseU^es {drluL's). 
 
 Sii; 1>ki;t. [(i r<ihs fidnk <iv:<iij.) Let us ! (DriiiLs). 
 
 {Enter D()( T(»j; (tiid (iovKUXKss ri(jlit cntrtoice, the Doeroi; spcal.-- 
 Ing Ills lines or beijlnnlni/ to speak before (jettlwj on, vxtlkhuj 
 ivltli iirms (ihoiit ecrJi others waists : irnlhuig very sloiolij, so as 
 to redcli tite left lower entrduee In time far th.e Govkl'ness to say 
 Iter line.) 
 
 Doctor {rery raniestl y). Let it lie now, love I All my soul 
 lii-eaks forth. How 1 do love you ! (live uiy love its way ! A man 
 can have hut one life and one death. Grant me my heaven now ! 
 Let me know you mine, prove you mine, write my naine upon your 
 brow — hold you and have you and then die away — 
 
 {Both stop near their e.rlt, left : G()VKi;xi:ss paxises some time — 
 sighs — (ind loohlny up In Doctok's /r'cc, coy.) 
 
 GovKRNKss. Say it a-gain, and say it sloir. ( Tlwn laklinj arms 
 again, eoclt). 
 
 {After stage Is eh-ar:) 
 
 Sir Benv. They have g<uie; we can now conu^ out from (»ur 
 
 hiding-place. {Both take two steps front .) 
 
 Sir Bert. Didst hear what they saidst '.' 
 
 Sir Benv. No ! Didst you :' 
 
 Sir Bkrt. Not a wordst. 
 
 Sir Benv. That is too liadst. 
 
 Sir Bert. Yes; if we had heardst we might have known what 
 tliey were talking ahout. 
 
 Sir Benv. Toii true I Let us go to yon booth, where they are 
 having an Ibsen play. 
 Sir Bert. Let us ! 
 
 ( Walk arm In arm, ton-ards iirlddle left entrance, adierc thei/ 
 stop a moment, and then say:) 
 
 Sir Ben\". Are you a vegetarian ? 
 Sir Bert. Xo ; why? 
 
30 INJURED INNOCENTS. 
 
 SiK Bkxv. I notice that vou liave repeatedly said Lettuce — 
 
 Exit. 
 
 {Elite); Irft, tvK) RuFFiAxs.) 
 
 IsT KuK. Are you sure the cliihlren will be among the per- 
 formers in the games '! 
 
 2d E,uf. 1 wish r was as sure you would pay the four dollars 
 you owe me. 
 
 1st Ruf. Then '' we are the [)eople.'' I feel so ga}^ and free. 
 
 2i) KcF. I think we have struck it rich. 
 
 1st Kuf. Your remark, George, glistens like a lead pipe. 
 
 2d Ruk. 1 haven't felt so merry since mother-in-law swallowed 
 a tack. 
 
 1st KuF. Kut iiold on; our friends (jioliitiiuj to the audience) 
 don't know the good iiews — 
 
 2d Ruf. (to the (riidlenre). Haven't you heard about it? 
 Excuse us. The children are not dead, no! ^'ou saw them in tin- 
 last act; vou also saw tin- hi-ar! lie evidently went down those 
 canvass-hack I'ocks that represented the mountain chasm to lunch 
 on the children. But he didn't! He was a- trick bear belonging 
 to a circus, ami he induced the (diildren to come along. They 
 jiiined the circus. The (diildren and the circus are coming here 
 t()da}^ Now, isn't that nice '.' 
 
 1st Kuf. Then George suggested that we come here too — in 
 disguise — 1, as the supp(jsed-to-be-lost-at-sea father of the children, 
 and George as ni}^ faithful friend — secure the boodle, then move 
 away. 
 
 2d V\VV. Ln crime, Henr}' and 1 are dandies. 
 
 1st Ri'F. This is no moral play — no m'am ! Virtue stands 
 int chance here I If you think the curtain is to fall with slow music 
 on virtue triumphant and vice baftled, you are in the wrong Opera 
 House. 
 
 2d Kuf. There is no "Little Eva and Uncle Tom" l)usiness in 
 this drama. You will see that vice and virtue is completely 
 changed about ; in fact, it's vice rersa. 
 
INJURED INNOCENTS. 31 
 
 1st 1\vv. I do feel so gay I How do you like your dotln's ? 
 
 2d Iauf. Imnieusel How nice and soft the}^ feci after wearing 
 Plymouth Rocks all summer. 
 
 1st Ruf. I must do sometliing to keep my spirits down. Let 
 us sing, I aui always saddest when I try to sing. 
 
 2d Ruf. 8o am I. 
 
 (At end of song full chorus ami all tlif iir'nicipdls come on ond the 
 '■'• ch'cxis'''' i}er forms — the chu.drex last. During their act Str 
 Raw. and Lady MoA. are extra raga nth/ agitated.) 
 
 Lady McA. anxl'^iK Raw. {dramatieallg going tov<(rds VjWW.- 
 DREN, and say together). Cedrie ! ! Marguerite ! ! 
 
 Marg. Go away! I am flush, and have no use for "my uncle." 
 
 Ced. I have no flush so have no use for the auntie. 
 
 Sir Raw. This is too much I too much ! ! 
 
 Lady McA. {slou-lg and eery pointedly). Yes, Ra-wdon. just 
 two ! 
 
 1st Ruf. {to tlic audience). IS'ow notice me. ( j^o Childrkx.) 
 Me cheeldren ! ! Me cheeldren I I 
 
 (Children stand ye rf-cAl y unniori-d and unconcerned.) 
 
 2d Ri'f. Ceddie 1 Maggie I Get on to the old man I 
 
 l.ST Ruf. jNIe chetddren ! Do you not know your father'.' 
 
 MAR(i. AND Ckd. {together, eery jdacidly). \Vliat I pa|>aali\e? 
 
 2d Ruf. Y'es ; })ai)a is wdth us. 
 
 1st Rff. But if it had not heeji for this i;i;-i;-avk man 1 would 
 now he — 
 
 2d Ruf. Serving time — 
 
 1st Rff. In the middle of the Atlantic. We were wrecked, 
 and all the ship's company savt' us two were lost. 
 
 Wjiode Chorus. What! the rest all lost? 
 
 1st Ruf. All ! hut they were not in our set. 
 
 2d Ruf. No; they were not in the swim. 
 
 1st Ruf. We alone floated ashore — oii spars and chips. 
 
 2d Ruf. A red and a I'lue. 
 
:V2 IN.IL'KED IXNOCKXTS. 
 
 IstJvII'. ^Ee children I to my arms I {Eiiihnice.) Ah ! lirotlier. 
 glad to see me back ? 
 
 2i> RuF. Yes, brother; glad to see our backs — I should say, us 
 back. We thank you now to pass over the simoleons. 
 
 SiK Raw. It is my brother, although I do not recognize liim. 
 It must be my brother, for he said he was my brother, and my 
 brother never told an untruth. 
 
 IvUFFiAXS {siivj sti'liiii). He believes it, for his l>rother told 
 him so. 
 
 Lady M< A. Foiled 1 He has come for his tin. We are tin- 
 foiled ! ! {^Goes towards Sir Rawdox nad irlilspers fn lilni.) 
 
 Sir Raw. {quickli/ "Cjuit'scf's). Friends, let us have a song; 
 then all come down to McAllister Hall and make merry over the 
 darlings' return. (To fJii' "icdience.) While they are eating and 
 drinking Lady McA. and myself will emigrate with the remaining 
 ducats and family plate. Have you noticed any tlies about Lady 
 Rawdon Slolmondlev McAllister this evening '.' 
 
 Finale axu Clktaix. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 illlllllllilllllli 
 
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