yUcAT ^aJL, 1U8. Class Book. HJs , J"?f K^i. i\»^ i\>2. ^o-^ .rh WWW' THE VISION OF JUDGMENT; OS, A PRESENT FOR THE WEIGS OF '76 & '37. IN TEN PARTS. I BY JUNIUS, Ju WITH ILLUSTRATIONS NEW-YORK: W PUBLISHED BY H. R. ROBINSON, 32 COURTLANDT STREET. ^ I8;i8. .$t^ Scatclierd and Adams, Printers ^^ ,j!^,. Su.ro ny- THE OLD ROMAN. THE VISION OF JUDGMENT; OR, A PRESENT FOR THE WHIGS OF '76 & '37. IN TEN PARTS. BY JUNIUS, Jk. WITH ILLUSTRATIONS NEW-YORK; PUBLISHED BY H. R. ROBINSON, 52 COURTLANDT STREET. 1838. F3 r- [Entered according to the Act of Congress of the United States of America, in the year 1838, by Robinson & Hyatt, in the Clerk's Office of the Southern District of New- York.] N Bw- York: Printed by Scatcherd & Adams, No. 38 Gold Street. DEDICATION. To the '' Old Roman," who so successfully waged war against the ''Monster," and through whose humble efforts to restore the constitutional currency the merciful desire that " all who trade on borrowed capital ought to break," has been so fully gratified in the destruction of credit and commerce : — To the '• Great Magician," who found more " glory ^^ in serv- ing his " chief, ^^ than in serving his country — and following in the ^'footsteps " of his " Predecessor," than treading in the footsteps of Independence : — To " The Great Tumble Bug," who so successfully " set his ball in motion ;" — To " The Great Humbug," who too successfully tickled the palates of a confiding people, with gilded " mint drops ;" — To " The Great Expunger^^^ now in the bankruptcy of the govern- ment, " The Great Ex-Spunger :" — To the rats of Government-hill — the wolves, tigers, and jackalls, as well as the ravenous birds of the hickory tree — and to the whole hickory fraternity, the " buck-tails," the " agrarians," the " loco-focos," and " levelers," and all others, wherever and whoever they are, these pages are respectfully inscribed, by the AUTHOR INTRODUCTION The noble poet hath said, that " 'tis greatly wise to talk with our past hours." To nations, this re- mark is no less applicable than to individuals. From the fields of experience, wisdom, if carefully sought, may sometimes be gleaned; though it not un frequent- ly happens that wisdom, thus obtained, finds its pos- sessor in the predicament of one who " paid too dear for his whistle." To assert that every action has a motive, is to assert what every body knows ; to assert that every body investigates motives, Avould be to assert what every body knows to be untrue. In the shifting scenes on the stage of private life, few are at the pains to examine into its secret mechanism ; and in the scenes o^ iwlitical life, how few of the multi- tude, who wonder at its gorgeousness and are delight- ed with its changes, are acquainted with the actors behind the scenes — the tinselry — the charmed wires — the trap doors, or the mock-thunder of political jug- glers. In the following pages the writer has endea- vored to exhibit the secret wires, which, during the last eight years, have worked Uncle Sam into a va- riety of strange positions — have kept him dancing to many strange tunes, and at last have caused him to throw a somerset from glory's glittering height into " the slough of despond," yclept " shin-plaster lake" As many may feel curious to know the manner in which the writer became acquainted with the many strange things here related, he takes this opportunity to remark that it was not in an ordinary way of dreaming, but entirely under a magnetic influence, that the scenes of the past were opened to his vision, and " coming events cast their shadows before." Junius, Jr. JVew- York J January 1st, 1838. THE VISION OF JUDGMENT " Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep." " The fox barks not when he would steal the lamb." " And wer't not madness, fhen, To make the fox surveyor of the fold 1 Who. being accused a crafty murderer, His guilt should be but idly posted over Because his purpose was not executed 1 No ! let him die in that he is a fox, By nature proved an enemy to the flock. Before his chaps are stained with crimson blood, Nor stand on guillets how to slay him." Shakspeare — Second part of Henry VI. Act III. Part I. In my dream I was in the midst of an extensive plain, in the centre of which stood a hill, called Government Hill ; to the left of it stood another and smaller one, called " Congress Hill." On the summit of the former stood a tall and wide-spreading hickory tree, whose branches were filled with birds of every description — vultures^ cormorants^ jackdaws, magpies, etc. In its shade were reposing droves of icolves, hyenas, jackalls, ounces, and other ravenous beasts. In the sides of the hill were numerous cre- vices, infested by a multitude of rats. At the foot of the hill a noble Mastiff was reclining, with his paw 8 resting upon a large bag, marked U. S. Although the marks of age were evidently upon him, yet the symmetry of his form, and the flashing of his eye, gave evidence that the fire of more youthful years vs^as not entirely extinguished. The hickory tree, as I before remarked, w^as very tall. It w^as likewise broad and holloiv at the base — large enough to contain a small tea party. At this time there were but two personages within. One, whom from his appearance I judged to be the sjjirit of the tree, was a creature with the head of a man and the body of a lion ; — at least so at a superficial glance it appeared — but on a closer inspection the ass might be detected under the lion^s skin. At his side stood his Mentor, in the form of a fox, with a lit- tle pair of red whiskers. Being curious to hear what conversation could be passing between . two such funny looking creatures, I listened, and overheard the folio v^ing amusing dialogue, which is here given " verbatim ad literatim :" — Ass. — Truly, thou art a clever fox, and mighty cunning of thy kind. Fox. — At thy bidding, honored chief, me thou'lt always ready find. Ass. — And wilt thou always follow in my foot- steps ? Fox. — " VW follow — or lead thee about, around, Through bog, through brake, through busli, through brier — Sometime a horse I'll be — sometime a hound — A hog, a beardless bear — sometime a fire — And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn, Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire at every turn." 2 O n If -I n Ft Part II. The next, and by far the most important event Avhicli attracted my attention, was observing that the rats, whose nests were in the holes and crevices of Government Hill, were trying to nibbk from the bag which the old Mastiff was guarding ; but a low growl, and a certain warning movement of the paw, fright- ened them off. Consulting togetlier for a while, they next endeavored to bribe him with some/res/i meat. Failing in this, also, and finding themselves neither able to steal nor hrihcj they resolved upon revenge. To this end they called a general meeting of all the rats, vultures, cormorants, magpies, hyenas, wolves, bears, tigers, etc. These all assembled to- gether at midnight, in a large cave immediately un- der the hickory tree, called " The Kitchen Cabi- net." The meeting was called to order — Little Fox in the chair, and brother Amos secretary. Among the resolutions passed on that memorable occasion, were the following : " 1st. Resolved, That to the vietors belong the spoils of the vanquished. " 2d. Resolved, That icc are the victors. " 3d. Resolved, That the Mastiff liolds the spoils, which by right belong to us as the victors. " 4th. Resolved, That we are tiie Representa- tives of the pco])le. " 5th. Resolveil, That the interests of the people 2 10 are the interests of their officers ; therefore the inte- rests of the officers are the interests of the people. " 6th. Resolved, That we are the people. " 7th. Resolved, That the Mastiff is an animal dangerous to the interests of the peojjle : — therefore, " 8th. Resolved, That the Mastiff is a Monster! " 9th. Resolved, That all monsters should be de- stroyed: Ergo, the Mastiff should be destroyed ! !^^ All these resolutions w^ere received vi^ith great cheering by the whole meeting, and passed without a dissenting voice ; when a creature in the form of a tumble-bug, whom I had not observed before, now mounted the back of a hyena, and spoke to the fol- lowing effect : — " I wish to suggest, Mr. President, that the people must be made to see that the Mastiff is a monster, before we attempt to molest him; — otherwise we shall only bring ruin upon our own heads, and the heads of our friends. This is a grave question, Mr. President, and one vitally important to the success of our enterprise. I therefore move, if it be your pleasure, that an eye salve be prepared for the peo- ple, which shall enable them all to see the hideous- ness of the monster as we do !" — (Hear, hear !) " I move that every individual in this hall this ve- ry night go forth to gather the proper materials for making such a compound, — I myself will volunteer to lead the way !" — (Great cheering, with cries of hear, hear !) " I therefore move, Mr. President, that we proceed 11 at once to business, and the work is done !" — (Im- mense cheering, witli cries of " we will, we will !") Here they all jumped up, and fell to work in good earnest. Some brought wood for the fire — others manufactured a large golden canldron as if by magic — while others again, headed by the " tumble-bug," went forth to gather roots, minerals, and herbs of va- rious kinds, to make the " salve ;" and as they went, they all broke forth in the following chaunt : — " The raging rocks With shivering shocks Shall break the locks Of prison gates ; And Phoebus' car Shall shine from far, And make and mar The foolish fates." In a few moments they all returned, each bearing a bundle on his back, which was quickly thrown into the cauldron, when commenced the terrible incanta- tion of Macbeth, by Little Fox, Brother Amos, and Tumble-Bug : — " Thrice the brinded cat hath mcw'd." " Double, double, toil and trouble, Fire burn and cauldron bubble." All together. — " Black spirits and white, Red spirits and grey ; Mingle, mingle, mingle, You that mingle may." The Shade of Washington, accompanied bv the Spirit of Liberty, now stalked into the cave, wliich for a few moments threw the whole assembly into the greatest consternation ; but their consummate 12 assurance did not permit them lonc^ to remain awed, even by the shade of the great "Pater Patria," and the Guardian SrmiT of Columbia, who now, in hollow and reproachful tones, exclaimed : — " How now, ye black and midnight wretches 7 — what is't ye do V All. — A deed witliout a name ! " What prompts you to this fiend-like, patricidal work 7" AIL— ' Revenge! Nor shall our purpose slacken, 'E'en though the fiercest winds of Heaven Are all let loose against the land ; — Though the yesty waves Confound and swallow navigation up ; — Though CREDIT perish, and though COMMERCE dies— Though bladed corn be lodged, and trees blown down, Though the treasure of our country's germinis tumble all together, E'en till destriietion sicken !" Exeunt the Shade of Washington and the Spirit of Liberty, exclaiming : — " Spirits of evil, Ye hasten your doom ; — When to your revel Again we shall come — That revel shall be in the cavern of shame, And the curse of a nation shall rest on your name !" Tumble-Bug now arose, and offered the following resolutions : — " Resolved, That the eye-salve now made be call- ed the " Golden Magical Magnifying Mixture, or Bentonian Eye-Salve." Carried. " Resolved, That the first experiment be made on the eyes of the LION." Carried. Part III. Scene — Inside of the hickory tree — Lion asleep — Fox applying the " Golden Magical JMagiiifving Mix- ture " to the eyes of the lion, soliloipiizing thus: — " On the ground Sleep sound ; I'll iipply To your eye, Gentle ass, a remedy." " When thou wakest Thou takest No delight In the sight Of ihy former Mastiff's eye ; — And tiie country proverb known That every inan should take his own, In your waking shall be shown." Presently the lion awoke, and came forth upon the hill to " shake himself as at other times." No soon- er did he espy the mastiff, than, lashing the earth with his tail in great fury, he set up a terrible roar. " Well roared, lion !" said the fox, who was stand- ing by ; " try it again, my lord." So the lion set up another roar, louder than the first, and lashed the ground again so furiously witli his tail, that I actually began to fear he would pretty soon have no tail left. So far, the " Golden Magical Magnifying Mixture " worked to a charm. The fox now advised that run- ners should be sent out among " the people," each one furnished with a good supply of the mixture ; that they should carefully note who among them were 14 able to see, and that all those who were not thus able, should be made to see. Now, it was curious to behold the surprise of the people when the news first came to them concerning the monster. Some said they believed they could see a little something singular in his appearance now they were told of it, though they did not believe they should ever have observed it had it not have been pointed out to them. Others said they did not per- ceive any thing unusual in the mastiff, unless it might perchance be some slight signs of age. " Oh, something must be the matter with your eyes .'" said the cunning distributors of the " eye- salve." " Something must be the matter with your eyes .'" said the hyena, the jackall, the jackdaw and the magpie in a breath ; " allow us to rub a little of the ' eye-salve ' on your optics, and then shall you be able to see clearly." Here they applied the " gold- en mixture," when one cried out — " Oh noio I can see his horns .'" *' And I can see his toi/.'" cried another. " And I can see his clmcs .'" screamed a third. "I see ten heads P^ yelled a fourth. " I see thirty ! .'" echoed a fifth. " And I count a hundred !! /" added a sixth ; while others were ready to be sworn that they could count five hundred, each having one eye, and that in the centre of the forehead. Some said the eyes looked to them like so many full moons. To others they 15 appeared as large as the side of a house, while the horns were as high as a common church steeple. Nothing now was talked of but '* the Monster," " the Monster;" and from one end of the plain to the other — from morn till midnight and from midnight until morn, the startling cry of "Monster! Monster!" was heard. From the height of Government-hill, the shrill cry of vultures, cormorants, and jackdaws echoed it forth ; and when the last echo of their notes was dying in the distance, the hyenas, wolves and jackalls of the tree prolonged the song, and gave it forth to the midnight winds in a most unearthly growl. Consternation universal now prevailed. In different parts of the plain, groups of agitated coun- tenances might be seen collected together, pointing by the moon's pale light to the " Monster," and pre- dicting ruin, havoc, and distress. And many was the good Catholic I saw on his knees, praying for the re- turn of the "seven brave champions of Christendom." Finding that things were going on so well, the Government brood held another meeting in the cave, when, after hearing the reports of the runners who had been out ainong the people applying the " Gold- en Magical Magnifying Mixture," on motion of Lit- tle Fox, it was resolved that they should construct an inmiense cannon of solid gold, to be mounted on a carriage with " patent frictionless wheels," ranged alongside of the hickory tree, and to be called " the Great Gun Experiment." " By this measure," ob- served the fox, "we shall accomplish several very important objects; — for, in the first place, we shall 16 slay the monster, and obtain possession of the bag: second, we shall obtain the vengeance we desire : third, we shall allay the fears of the people, and make ourselves Heroes in their eyes; and fourth, by this we shall obtain over them the sway we seek, and rule and revel to our heart's content !" The advice of the fox being thought good by the assembly, preparations were immediately made, and the gun cast. The next day, in the presence of the whole nation, was the " Experiment" brought forth and mounted. Great were the rejoicings among the people, and still greater was the joy of the Govern- ment brood, who with ravenous appetites were wait- ing for the spoils. Part IV. While these preparations were making for the de- struction of the noble old mastiff, whose only crime was that of having served his country faithfully, he had sought relief in another quarter. To the left of Government-hill, as I have before mentioned, stood a mound or elevation of earth, called " Congress-hill," where at this time I saw assembled a great many persons curiously dressed, and all carrying fire-arms. Birds of various kinds were continually flying back and forth from the people to the assembly, and from the assembly to the people, — from the hickory tree to the assembly, and from the assembly to the hick- ory tree. Among them were petition birds of vari- ous kinds, abolition birds, colonization birds, loco- V j^"^ 17 foco birds, monopoly bank birds, custom-house birds, tariff birds, anti-tariff birds, birds of ways and means, treasury birds, Veto birds, war department birds, navy department birds, birds of foreign relations, etc. Whenever any of these birds came, they immediately alighted upon a Ioav bush which was growing in the centre of the hill, and then commenced the firing. Those who wished to destroy the birds, fired at them. Those who would preserve their lives, immediately commenced throwing up a breastwork for their pro- tection, and firing at those who would kill them. Some of the assembly had " the patent non-recoil guns," which could be discharged fifty times in a second. Some had hickory bows and golden-headed arrows — others had slings and " mint drops^ Some Q,2ixuedi jjop-guns and sliced potatoes, while a few had constitutional cannons, and the real " simon pure " to load them with. Their balls were cast from a metal called " stubborn facts ;" — their powder was a composition of truth, eloquence and reason ; — their wadding was manufactured by the hands of Liberty, and the percussion caps by her sister Justice. These cannon were all of different calibre ; the largest was owned by a dignified and rather portly personage, of a dark complexion, who came from the north-eastern part of the plain. The next in size was owned by a very tall and spare gentleman from the southern sec- tion ; his cannon was not quite so large in the diam- eter, but greater in the length of its bore. The third was owned by a gentleman from the same section 3 18 of the plain as the first. This cannon was called " the revolutionary blunderbuss," and was given him by his father, who had taught him, when almost an infant, how to load it. The fourth was a southern cannon, with two bores to it; — one was called the " constitutional bore," and the other the " anti-con- stitutional bore." The owner was an eccentric indi- vidual, who would one day fire off from the constitu- tional side, and the next the anti-constitutional ; nay, he was so eccentric, that sometimes he would lire them both off together. He was known among the assembly as " the versatile genius," and his gun was called "the nullification nine-pounder." Such was the assembly to which the old mastiff now determined to appeal. Accordingly, a " petition bird " was sent, bearing a memorial in its bill, pray- ing " that a quart of aqua-vitce, or constitutional elixir of life, should be sent to the mastiff to length- en out his existence for a few more years." No sooner had this bird alighted on the bush, than a general firing commenced by all the hickory bow, sling, and mint-drop, and pop-gun tribe. The cry of "Monster! Monster!" was heard in shrill notes from the vultures and cormorants of the hickory tree. The Lion set up another hideous roar, while the Fox ran round among the pop-guns, hickory bows, etc, to advise, strengthen, and encourage them. Imme- diately after the departure of the fox, this formidable objection was urged against the mastiff, viz : " That his bowels were out of order, his limbs out of joint, and his under-jaw broken; and as the constitutional 19 elixir was not intended to set bones nor heal bruises, therefore they were opposed to coiitinuiiin^ the life of an animal so inlirni as to be incompetent to fuUil his duties." This falsehood of the mastiff's enemies was soon exposed by the owners of the constitutional cannons, for at their suggestion a committee of doc- tors was appointed to examine the Monster and re- port thereon to the assembly. Accordingly, after a careful inspection of liis limbs, bowels, etc., they re- turned with a report, of wliich the following is an exact copy : — " We, the undersigned, physicians to the common- wealth of the United States of America, having been appointed by your honorable body to examine into the physical condition of a certain mastiff, or watch- dog of the republic, and report thereon, do report : " That we have examined said dog in the most careful manner, from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail, and find him sound in both wind and limb. Not a tooth in his head that is broken, nor a bone out of joint. His bowels are in an exceedingly regular and healthy state ; he needed neither emetics nor ca- thartics. We ascertained that he had never been under a physician's care ; and so little ailment has there ever been about him, that he has never taken either pills, " lobelia," or " composition tea," in his life. His heart and pulse beat regular and strong ; his tongue was perfectly clean, and, in short, his whole appearance indicated a sound organization and a system free from disease. We therefore, in the con- scientious discharge of the duty imposed upon us, do 20 declare said mastiff to be every way worthy of the c onfidence of your honorable body, and the whole republic. All which is respectfully submitted. JAMES GOODINTENT, M. D. JONATHAN SHARPEYE, M. D. GEORGE S. CRITIC, M. D. W. T. BONESETTER, M. D. WM. L. LOOKINTOTHEBOWELS,M.D." After the reading of this report, which was receiv- ed with great acclamation by all the friends of the mastiff and the republic ; on motion, it was resolv- ed, That ten thousand copies be printed. Next, a resolution was offered by the owner of the long gun, that a quart of aqua vitce be at once sent to the mas- tiff, which was carried, and the life-giving element immediately measured out. The vessel, with its con- tents, was now sent to the Lion to be flavored with a few drops of executive essence^ of which he un- fortunately was the sole possessor. No sooner was the vessel brought into the presence of the old fellow, and the name of the mastiff mentioned, than he fell into the greatest rage imaginable, cursing in the most awful manner, and swearing, by a terrible oath, that the Monster should never have his life prolong- ed by liis instrumentality. Not only so, but he be- gan to kick and roar so that the very mountain shook again. His fury at length arose to such a pitch, that he dashed the vessel from the hands of the messenger — spilled its contents — broke it in a thousand pieces, and ordered the bearer of it to de- part at once out of his sight. 21 Part V. The scene now was suddenly shifted, as scenes in dreams are wont to be. I saw the Lion marching slowly down the hill, attended by his little friend, the Fox, who at this time was leading, or rather pre- ceding him. With a very insinuating air he bowed to all whom he met ; and now and then put to his mouth a little tin trumpet, which he carried in his hand, and after one or two blasts he called in a loud voice — " The Lion is coming, oho! oho ! The Lion is coming, oho !" Then in a graceful manner he bowed obsequiously to the multitude, in a loud voice exclaiming — " Be kind and courteous to this gentleman, — Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes ; Nod to him all, and do him courtesies." After proceeding in this manner all over the plain, forming many personal acquaintances and gaining many friends, they returned again to the tree. This journey came very near costing the poor old ass his life ; for on the way his lion's skin blew off, so that he caught a violent cold, which laid him up for some days after his return. A few doses, however, of " No. 6," a quart or two of " composition tea," and half a pound of "lobelia," restored his health. But in the meantime, to keep up the interest excited among the people by Ins visit among them, Reynard, with his accustomed subtlety, takes the old I'ellow's 22 iDliite hat, and throwing a silver arch over it, with the magical word " Glory " lettered on it in gold, places it on the very top of the tree, so that all, even at the greatest distance, may see it. The effect was as he had anticipated ; for no sooner did the beams of the sun fall upon the magical word " Glory," than the eyes of all the people became so dazzled that each one fell to capering " like mad." " Glory! Glo- ry ! Glory !" was the watchword. Nothing could the people talk or think about but gold and glory ; and all over the plain, wherever hickory trees were grow- ing, now they were dressed up with flags, white hats, and mottos of glory. Part VI. The time seemed now to have fairly arrived for making the most successful attack upon the Mon- ster. The assembly had dispersed — the people were all in ecstacies at the glory of their Assanine Chief, — while the vultures of Government-hill, as w^ell as the jackalls, hyenas, and all the rest of the hickory tree brood, were ready to seize upon the prey. Great preparations were accordingly made ; an extra quantity of " fulminating powder " was manufactured in the " kitchen cabinet ;" balls and blank cartridges were prepared in abundance; — and finally, the " Great Gun Experiment," mount- ed on a carriage with patent frictionless wheels, was dragged to the brow of the hill by sixteen rats, twelve vultures, three hyenas, two bears, three 23 wolves, and nine jack-asses. Matty, tlic fox, grave the gun its proper inclination, while the jjsucdo lion Chief gave the signal for applying the match, by braying three times at the top of his Aoice, and shaking his tail, to signify the word— ^rc / The cannonading continued three days and nights without interruption — during all which time the friends of the mastiff, by argument and other constitutional means, endeavored to save him, but in vain. The mastiff was wounded, and at length destroyed. The bag was seized by the hickory fraternity, placed on the back of the ass, and borne in triumpli up the hill amid the shoutings of the multitude. Here it was taken off by the attendants, and opened. Instead of keeping it tied up in one large hag^ I perceived that they were dividing it into many smaller ones, at which my astonishment for awhile was very great, until, turning my eyes in another direction, I discov- ered a whole troop of little bushy tail curs, tearing full split from every quarter of the plain, and making straight for the hill. Ev^ery one seemed straining himself to the utmost, and each striving to outstrip his neighbor. Presently they all reached the hill, when a selection from among them was made by the Lion, with the advice of his counsellor Matty. Those of the bushy tails who obtained possession of one or more bags, "streaked off"' down the hill very much delighted; while, on the contrary, those who were not so fortunate, sneaked home in a very dis- consolate manner, with their tails between their legs, and their ears hanging. Assembly-hill was now all 24 in an uproar. The constitutional cannon party went on at a terrible rate — calling the poor old mis- guided ass every thing but a gentleman — declaring that his conduct was " unconstitutional, tyrannical, uncalled for, and unjust in the highest degree ; that it was derogatory to the national character, the ex- ecutive of he nation, and every principle of moral equity." Not satisfied with thus expressing their feelings, they went further, and insisted on having this sentence of condemnation entered in the nation- al record, so that posterity might know that their hands were clean from the blood of the murdered mastiff. Accordingly the sentence passed by an im- mense majority, and was in due form entered in the record of the nation, where it would have been until this day, but for a circumstance which will hereaf- ter appear. The next resolution which passed the assembly was, that a monument should be erected to the me- mory of the mastiff, immediately over the spot where he fell. Active steps were immediately taken, and the monument prepared. It was an oblong block of marble, ten feet long, four feet wide, and six feet high. On either side of it was this incription : — " Done to death by slanderous tongues, Was the hero that here lies ; Death, in guerdon of his wrongs, Gives him fame that never dies." On each end was a cannon in basso relievo, and the word Experiment, in raised letters, immediately un- der it. On the top of it, reclining as in life, with his paw resting upon the bag marked U. S. was a most exquisitely finished statue of the mastiff. The old lion on the hill seemed almost as much annoyed by the lifeless marble as the living monster; and some- times I thought he seemed actually frightened, as though the monster had come to life again and risen from his tomb. i Part VII. We must now return again to the Tumble-Bug, whom we left at the meeting in the "Kitchen Cabi- net." Looking toward Congress-hill, I was astonish- ed to see him now tugging with all his might and main at a great ball which he was striving to push up the side of the hill. For a long time his efforts were unavailing. Like many another poor tumble- bug, he sometimes got his ball a little way up the hill, when a stone or some other obstacle would turn it aside, and thus roll tumble-bug and ball further down than before. Nevertheless he did not appear discouraged, but with all that pertinacity for which the species are distinguished, renewed his efforts as often as defeated. Other tumble-bugs at length came to his assistance, when, " by a long push, a strong pash, and a push all together," the ball was rolled to the top of the hill. The national record was then seized by these tumble-bugs and laid down before the ball, when another push was made so as to roll it directly over that part of the record Avhero the sentence of condemnation was written Of 1 26 course, the nature of the ball left a dark impression upon the page, and thus was this part of the record "Expunged!" The old ass was so delighted with tills piece of friendly service, that he at once dubbed them all " Knights of the black garter, and the sun- burnt ball,^^ and made them each a present of an ele- gant " yellow jacket," and a string of "mint drops." By way of distinction, Tumble-Bug was now called " The Great Expunger." Dressing himself up in his " yellow jacket," with the string of" mint drops" round his neck, he presently mounted his ball, and with a terrible flourish thus addressed the assem- bly:- " Solitary and alone, amid the jeers and taunts of my enemies, /set this ball in motion !" Part VIII. Looking again towards Government-hill, I per- ceived the little Fox, now^ eyeing very wistfully the v)hite hat which was on the top of the tree. As far as I could judge, he was trying his skill in climb- ing, for every few moments he shot up the tree, and then down again, like a flash, singing all the while that sublime and ancient song — " Hickory, dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock ; — The clock struck one, the mouse ran down — Hickory, dickory dock !" While engaged in this delightful employment, a loud and hurried cry of " Matty ! Matty !" was heard 27 proceeding from the Ass within. In a twinkling Matty was in attendance, when he found the poor old creature in great agony. His travail, however, was short; for with the assistance of such a midwife as Matty no labour could be tedious. Accordingly, he was soon safely delivered of his " Farewell Ad- dress," a, promising ijoung ass, very much resembling his sire, except a streak or two of the fox, which, on a close inspection, might be seen about the head and tail. Having nothing else handy, the accoucheur took down an old cloak, which the people had been taught to believe was the "Mantle of Washington," which, in a miraculous manner, one "sun-shiny" day de- scended upon the old ass just after he took posses- sion of Government-hill. This wonderful cloak, I say, Matty now used as swaddling clothes for the infant ass ; and thus wrapped up, he was sent forth among the multitude as the last proof of affection which the old ass had to give them previous to con- signing the cudgel to his " successor.'' The next and the last act of the ass was to disrobe himself of his lion's skin, and place it on Matty, charging him, at the same time, "to follow^ steadily and faithfully in the footsteps of his Predecessor — to wear the lohite hat with honor to himself, and him who had worn it so long before; — and finally, should the Monster ever come to life again, he should persecute him, ' his seed, and his seed's seed for ever!' To all these injunctions Matty paid strict atten- tion, promising to turn neither to the right hand, nor to the left, but in every thing to walk according 2^ to the advice and commandments of his Chief. These preliminaries being settled, Matty made a bold push for the top of the tree, and seizing the 2c}dte hat, clapped it on in a moment, exclaiming in an ex- ulting tone, " I'll be a King or die !" The hat unfor- tunately proved to be too large, which at once threw the little fellow into a serious difficulty. To think of reducing the size of the hat, was a thing entirely out of the question ; and to enlarge his head seemed equally impossible. In this quandary, Matty called together his friends to devise the best method of re- moving the difficulty. Some advised one thing, and some another. One recommended that his head should be put in a machine similar to that invented in England by a Mr. Easy; while another suggest- ed, that if a vaccuum was created by means of an air-pump, and the head placed in that, its size would be increased. At this critical moment a celebrated phrenologist, (Cull by name,) luckily came along, who was at once hailed, and his advice sought on this trying occasion. After carefully examining the head of the Fox, and measuring it with a " craniometer," the phrenologist gave it as his deliberate opinion that the difference between the size of the hat and the size of the Fox's head, was just the difference between the head of a fox and the head of an ass ; and that, as brains in the prede- cessor had not caused the size of the hat, therefore the head of the Fox could be increased without the addition of brains. A ray of hope now lighted up the countenances of V-S" PHKEINOLOCICAL EXAMINATION 29 all as they eagerly called out ^^ howl hoic?^^ The little Fox himself ran up, and seized the phrenologist by the hand, promising to he "a firm believer and supporter of the science if he would devise a way to increase the size of his head." " Well, then," said the phrenologist, " my advice is this: — You are aware that we all partake more or less of the nature of whatever we eat; for the food that we take into our system becomes assimilated to it, and so incorporated as to form the flesh of which we are composed ; — therefore, if you feed entirely up- on bea7', you insensibly imbibe the nature of the bear : if you eat hog, you become swinish : and so on. Accordingly, I advise that you at once procure a. jack-ass, slay and eat him ; and my word for it, that by the time you have finished him, you will not only imbibe the nature of the beast, but be in truth a jack-ass yourself. And this will enable you lite- rally to fulfil the parting admonition of your friend to follow faithfully in the footsteps of your predeces- sor ; for now your legs are too short to follow in his steps — your head too small to fit the hat — and your voice entirely too fox-like to imitate the lion^s roar!'^ As he concluded this speech, a universal shout of execration burst forth from jackall and vulture; and cries of " hustle him down ! hustle him down !' were so fiercely uttered, that the phrenologist concluded it wise in this emergency to exercise his cautiousness rather than his combativeness. The Fox now depending entirely upon himself, soon devised ways and means to remedy the evil, " so 80 to rights," he called in at once the aid of half a dozen tvlg makers, and in less time than it would take to say " Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers," he had the wigs all fitted to his head, and the hat as comfortably fitted to the wigs. And now were the people delighted ; the old women de- clared that Matty w^as a icitch for sartin ; the old men shook their heads gravely, and muttered the ominous word " wizard ;" while the whole hickory fraternity pronounced him clearly a Magician. Part IX. The magician had enjoyed his honors but a few days, when a terrible catastrophe took place, which for a while left many in doubt as to the stability of Government-hill. It happened, one cold morning, a little before sunrise, that an " awful explosion," like an earthquake, was felt all over the plain, even to the farthest extremity. The whole nation were in the greatest consternation. Some thinking, from the rocking of the w^alls, that their houses were falling down on their heads, began to weep and lament in the most distressing and alarming manner. Others tore their hair in the agony and frenzy of the mo- ment, running about and screaming in the most heart-rending tones ; while others again gave them- selves in sullenness to despair, and cursed the day of their birth. In short, it would be impossible to de- scribe half the distress and wretchedness produced on that dreadful and never-to-be-forgotten day. 31 Government-hill could not be seen on account of a dense cloud uhicli resteii upon it. A strong smell of sulphur filled t'le atmosphere; but vvluU had gone with the inhabitants of the hill, no one for a long time could imagine. When at length the mist dispersed, to the great joy of the people Government-hill was yet standing, although sadly rent and injured. The " Great (xun Experiment " had bh)\vn itself to atotiis, and its friends to a place which it is against my prin- ciples to mention. Fragments of the hickory tree lay scattered as if struck by lightning; the birds and the beasts were blown in tlifferent directions both lar and near. The litle Fox, with his hat of glory, gold- en rays, and all the trappings of Royalty gone, lay at a distance, " with none so poor as to do him reve- rence." Tumble-Bug, alias " the Great Humbug," alias "the Expunger," was seen clinging to his ball as it rolled over and over, projected, with the velo- city of lightning, towards the West. The poor old ass, with the loss of his taiL w^as picked up near a place called the Hermitage, with scarcely a sound bone in his body. When I discovered him, they w^ere bearing him along on a litter, singing these mournful words : — " Alas, alas I Poor Ass, poor Ass ! Oh dear, how sad tliy hapless fate! Too bad, too bad — reform we fear is now too late ! Thy fortune gone — thy scheme ail blown, Thy glory fled, thy friends all dead, Alas, alas ! Poor Ass, poor Ass !" The Golden Ball was projected throe hundred yards from the hill and rent in twain ; when, to the astonislimonl of all the people, it was found to have l)cen holloir within and only ^tV^ without ! ! From it, as from the fabled box of Pan- dora, issued every evil thing which could be imagined. Pover- ty, Distress, and Famine caine forth, tbilowed by a jjhostly train, bearing in their arms whole bundles of paper ; some marked " Treasury Notcs,^^ others " iSub- Treasury,'^ others S2 again were little pieces of ragged and dirty paper called " Shin Plasters f^ which were no sooner let loose from the hands of those who carried them, than, as if instinct with life, they immediately attached themselves to the shins of every- body, and caused such an itching and scratching that it seemed as if the poor folks thus tormented would go crazy. Many were the remedies proposed ; many were the doc- tors, and many the opinions of the doctors ; not as to the dis- ease, for one and all agreed that it was an obstruction, which must be removed in some way or other. One recommended " life pills" and " Phoenix bitters ;" another cried up *' Bran- deth's universals." The "mineral doctors" recommended mercury and amputation; while the Thomsonians- declared with loud voices, that nothing was half so good as " composi- tion tea," made from No. 1 up to No. 6 ; a "steam bath in a box where the patient could not get out, and plenty of " lo- belia 1" Part X. At this moment I was " willed " back again to my former state. My eyes opened, and I discovered that I had seen a vis- ion. This was my first, but not my last inagnetic discovery. By the agency of the same mysterious power, 1 have been enabled to see many things otherwise obscure ; even the events of the future have been exposed to my gaze — and ma- ny are the secret political meetings in which 1 have been an unobserved observer. Nothing escapes my ken. Not only do I keep a watch upon the actions of all political jugglers, but I also " in spirit " travel daily from place to place to search out the misery of men, and to discover the cause of that misery. And further, I have made discoveries in relation to our earth which mankind as yet have never dreamed of; the North Pole and the South Pole have been carefully scrutinized, and — but this is not the place to tell what I have done. It remains with the public to say whether my wonderful magneti- cal discoveries shall ever be published, or whether, with the second number of the Vision of Judgment, they all shall have the "fame of oblivion." Respectfully, &c. JUNIUS, Jr. New- York, January 1st, 1838. JOC^