NO PLAYS EXCHANGED, A COLLEGE MAN Price, 25 Cents B. (U. Pinero's Plays Price, 50 Kents Eacb THF A M A 7nN^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five f e- lIlEi AlflA/ivliiJ males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not difficult. Plays a full evening. TUr rAHIMICT MINICfiTR Farce in Four Acts. Ten InL LADlIlJll lyliIliOl£.tV males, nine females. Cos tumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening* riAKfnV nirir ^arcein Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- l//\lli/l l/i\^lV males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two inte- riors. Plays two hours and a half. TUC r* AV 1 ADn AITI7Y Comedy in Four Acts. Four males, ini!i UAl LUIVU VfUEiA ten females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. UIC UniTCV TM ADniTD Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, niO nUUOCi in XJSMfLR. four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. TUr UADQV UriDQr Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, inti nUDDI nUlViJEi five females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. tnic Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, lIvlO modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. I AnV RniTWTIFITI Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven lji\LPl Dv/Ul^lirULi females. Costumes, modern; scen- ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. I UTTY ^rama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five JLEr ^r. c ^ l White flannels. Budd Stone ) Ted Willis. Act I. Ordinary suit, football suit. Act II. White flannels. Acts III and IV. Ordinary suit. Prof. "Johnny" Miller. Acts I, II, III and IV. Ordinary suit. Mr, Stone. Farmer's clothes, not too noticeable, Geraldine Harris. Act II. Evening dress. Act IV, Shirt- waist and skirt, Zelda Saunders. Act II. Evening dress. Act IV. Shirt- waist and skirt, Mrs. Brownley. Act II. Black evening dress. Act IV. Suit. PROPERTIES Bell, telephone, victrola, piano, table lamp, package of Necco Wafers, fountain pen, paper, girl's picture, pack of cards, Algebra book, pipe, pack of Fatimas, victrola records (Barcarolle from Tales of Hoffman, Blue Danube, any fox trot), roll of money, keys, drum sticks, books for table, cornet (if Peanut can use one). CHARACTER SUGGESTIONS Willis. A large, strong young man, slightly older than the others. Stone. Ordinary boy. Kendall. A droll boy. Jones. A fat boy, if possible. Prof. Miller. Dignified. Geraldine. Tall, angular and proud. Zelda. Pretty and natural. Mrs. Brownley. Any type. STAGE DIRECTIONS C. means center, d. c. dov/n center, u. c. up center, D. R. down right, R. C. right center, u. R. C. up right center, D. L. down left, L, c. left center, u. l. c. up left center, c. e. center entrance, l. e. left entrance, r. e. right entrance. A College Man ACT I SCENE. — A fraternity study. Entrances r., l. and c. back. The enhance at R. is supposed to be to Willis' room ; that at L. to Stone's room ; the back entrance to the public hall. There is a victrola ifi upper rigJit cor tier of the stage , and a piano at upper left. A fireplace down r. with a chair in front of it. Just above door at l. is a desk. There is a table at c. zvith four chairs about it, and a sofa down L. (^Curtain discovers Ted Willis, Budd Stone and Bill Rendall playing cards at center table. Peanut Jones on sofa to l. Sounds of singing cafi be heard before cur- taifi is raised.) Ren. (pleading singing). I've second-handed ulsterettes, And everything else so fine, For all the boys they trade with me At one hundred and forty-nine. WiL. Stone (^joining'). Oh, Mister Levi, tra, la, la, la . , . Poor Sheeny Levi, tra, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, My name is Solomon Levi. At my store on Salem Street, There's where you buy your coats and vests, And everything else that's neat ; I've second- handed ulsterettes And everything else that's fine. For all the boys they trade with me At one hundred and forty-nine. b A COLLEGE MAN Pea. {chanting). At one hundred and forty-nine. {]\Ien at table arrange cards.) Sonae singer, 1 am. A regular little bird. I should flutter. (^Flutters artns.) (^Bell rings off maift entrance.) WiL. All right, Peanut, flutter down-stairs and see who's at the door. (^Exit Pea., main entrance. Ren. to fireplace ; looks worried. ) Ren. It's for me, I guess. I ought to be hearing about that math exam by now. VVii,. Do you think you got through? {\Valks to sofa.) Ren. Surest thing you know. It was a cinch. Stone. Do you have to pass it to stay in college ? {Plays idly with cards.) Ren. Right. My two exams in English were (^pausing) eminently unsuccessful. One of the questions requested me to tell who wrote '*To be or not to be," and also to state the occasion of the remark. I said that Solomon wrote it in his Proverbs when he was thinking about getting married again. I never knew until yesterday that Milton wrote it. {Others laugh.) WiL. Shakespeare, you poor nut. Ren. All right, Shakespeare then. But say, that was some joke. Enter Pea., maiti entrance. Pea. a letter for the Honorable William Rendall. {Up c.) Ren. Hand it here, boy, hand it here. {To r. c.) Pea. {turning letter over). It's from the College Office. Something tells me it brings bad news. Ren. I also have a premonition. {Sternly.) Freshman ! Pea. {attention). Yes, sir. Ren. Letter. Pea. {flipping letter to table). Let 'er flicker. Ren. {taking envelope, opens it slowly). Well, I'll be darned. {Ha7ids letter to Wil.) VViL. {reading). " Mr. Rendall : Failed in algebra. Re- examination September 20, 1914." Pea. My premonition was right. A COLLEGE MAN 7 Ren. {rising). Dog-gone it, anyhow. I'll swear I got through that exam. (^Up R. c.) Pea. And now you're swearing because you didn't. Ain't nature wonderful ? (^Sits on table.) Ren. Aw, shut up. {Walks up and down room.) Darn the luck, anyhow. I'm stuck out, I guess. Pea. Humph, you talk as if you've done something big. Anybody can get stuck out. Even my chest can do that. {Puffs out chest. WiL. reaches over and knocks him on chest.) Puff ! {Loses his wind suddenly.) Stone. Look out, Peanut, or you'll blow us all away. Pea. It isn't the first time I've had to "blow." But listen, Bill; the reason some people never get ahead is because they haven't got a head. Now, look at me for instance. VViL. Stop the funny work, Peanut. (/"(^Ren.) You have another chance, haven't you, Bill? Ren. {bitterly). Yes, a fat chance I've got. Why, darn it, Ted, i know I got through that exam. It's "Johnny" Miller's fault. He doesn't like me; says 1 fool too much. It won't do any good to take another exam. I'm stuck out, as sure as fate. Stone. Can't you repeat ? Ren. Repeat ! Say, my Dad wouldn't even let me repeat the alphabet. He's a Phi Jakey Snapper man. It means I get through, or go home. And I have a very faint idea that I'm going home. WiL. Don't quit cold. Bill. Take a chance on the exam, and pass it. (Down r.) Ren. It means five bucks, and I'll probably have to stay home from the dance to-night. And, anyhow, I haven't got five dollars. {Up l.) Pea. {inotio7iing to Stone). Oh, John Jacob Astor will lend you that. He's the banker of this house. (Stone /dT/f^i- up and down l.) Ren. I'd do it if I thought I had a chance. But I haven't, fellows. That Prof, would slick me if I got a hundred. He's down on me, that's all there is to it. A'ViL. {earnestly). You're wrong. Bill. The profs as a whole are a pretty square bunch of men. (WiL. and Ren. down c. Pea. to fireplace.) 8 A COLLEGE MAN Ren. Did you ever have Johnny Miller ? WiL. Yes. Ren. What do you think of him ? WiL. I think he's a good, square man. Ren. {ifnpatiently). Oh, it's all right for you to talk, you didn't get stuck. But I tell you, Ted, 1 got through that exam ; I know I did. The only stuff I didn't do was the Progressions. Pea. You ought to join the Progressive party. VViL. Shut up ! Why don't you go to see the Prof, and talk it over ? Ren. I might tell him what 1 think of him. {LaugJis.) Then I would get stuck out. VViL. Well, I've got to go to practice. Take another chance, that's my advice, Bill. (^Around right of table. Exit, main entrajice.^ Ren. {bitterly). I have half a mind to crib through the stuff. Other fellows do it. (JDoivn u.) Pea. Yes, but who are they ? " Mucker " James and men like him. He isn't a man, though, he's a mistake. {To C.) Ren. Oh, he isn't such a terribly bad scout. {Walks up and doivn room.) Darn it, I think I'll do it, Peanut. Pea. Well, it isn't my funeral. It seems to me, though, Pd rather get stuck out than crib. Ren. That's what we all think until we're going to get stuck out. It's easy enough not to cheat when you don't have to. {Turns to Stone.) What do you think about it, Budd ? Stone {slowly). 1 wouldn't skin when the Prof, places you on your honor, and treats you squarely. But if he's such a crab as Johnny Miller, and sticks you on purpose, I think you have a right to crib. {Dow7i c, left of table.) Ren. This man Miller isn't human. I could have gotten through last year if Pd cheated. And he'd probably think more of me at that. Stone. Can you crib the stuff you're taking with him? Ren. Man, I can be the best little cribber that ever was. Why, I spent the first year of my life in a crib. Pea. I don't approve. But now that you've decided, how are you going to do it ? {Down r.) Ren. Let me think. Pea. You want to look out. You might strain yourself. A COLLEGE MAN 9 Ren. Did you ever hear about Jack Reimer ? About four years ago he made out a crib for calculus. But the crib was so large he divided it and put a bunch of papers in each pocket, and then he found he couldn't remember what stuff was in each pocket. So he made out an index, a regular crib for a crib. But when he got to class the poor boob couldn't find the paper with the index on it, and he got stuck — higher'n a kite. Pea. You ought to send that to Puck. Reint. I have an idea Pea. (JnterrupHfig). Budd, look, he has an idea. Where is it? {Hunts arou7id room?) Ren. Peanut, you're so bright your father calls you son. (^Groan.) But listen, you go over to Louis' and buy me a package of Necco Sweets, white ones. Be sure that they are white. Pea. What for ? Ren. Never mind ; go on over and hurry back. (^To fireplace.) Pea. Well, I don't like Necco Sweets much,- but I guess I can eat a couple. [Exit, main entrafice up C. Ren. Know what I'm going to do, Bud ? I'm going to copy formulas on those Neccos and then take the candies into the class room. After looking at the questions, I take out a candy, and if one of the formulas is on that piece, I copy it, and then (^putting hand to moutJi) away goes the evidence. If I have all the formulas in the package, by the time I get through eating, I'll know how to do every example. And the crib will be all eaten up. Stone. If you spent as much time studying as you do in thinking up these schemes, you'd be at the head of your class. Ren. {frowning^ I don't like the idea of cribbing very much. {Lightly.') Oh, well, it's the Prof.'s fault. Gosh, I'd like to meet Johnny Miller just about now. Stone. Do you think there's any chance of your getting stuck out? Ren. Not if I crib. Stone. And are you really going to crib ? Ren. What do you think I'm buying those Necco Sweets for ? Do you think I'd eat the blame things ? Stone {resignedly). Well, I guess you won't get stuck out then. 10 A COLLEGE MAN Ren. {half resentfully). You talk as if you wanted me to get stuck out. {Down r. c.) Stone {slowly). No, I don't. {Rises.) I want to ask you something, Bill. {To c.) Ren. Go ahead ; even the profs like to ask me things. Stone. No, quit fooling. I'm in trouble, and 1 have to talk to some one about it. Ren. {changing). I'm sorry, Budd. Anything I can do? Stone. Yes, you can advise me. {Takes turn up and down room. Speaks, voice shaking slightly.) Ever since I came down here, Bill, I posed as a rich man's son. I spent lots of money, and 1 told you that my father owned the biggest estate up in Connecticut. But he doesn't. The big estate is a forty acre farm, and it hardly pays for itself. We are poor. Bill ; so poor that I haven't any right down here. Ren. What ! If you are poor, I wonder what the rest of us are? Stone. Quit fooling, Bill. I'm serious. When I left for college last week, there was some kind of note due that we ex- pected to pay by selling a corner lot on the farm. I brought down with me five hundred dollars, the bulk of this year's ex- penses. My parents have been saving up for years to get enough to send me to college, and this is the last of what ihey saved. I thought everything was all right, but yesterday I got a letter from Dad. It seems that he couldn't sell the corner lot after all, and he has to have five hundred dollars, or lose the farm ; a mortgage will be foreclosed. I don't know, but I don't see how it can be as bad as that. And now, if I send back the money, it means I'll have to quit college. {Doivn l.) Ren. Can't you get a job, and stick for a while ? Stone. 1 couldn't bear to do it. I've always posed as rich, and now, if I suddenly say I'm not, people will think I'm a fake. I am, I guess, but Bill, I couldn't do it. Ren. {practically). Tell 'em that your father lost all his money in a stock deal, and you have to work. You'd be a regular hero. Stone {rather impatiently). You don't understand. Bill. There's a girl in this. You know Zelda Saunders ? Well, I — I'm hit pretty hard with her. She thinks I'm rich, and if the money goes back, she'll know I'm a cheap skate, and I won't be able to take her anywhere, or anything. Ren. I always thought Ted and Zelda were pretty good friends. A COLLEGE MAN H Stone. They are. It's between Ted and me. Don't you see, if she knows he is rich and I am poor, I won't stand a chance. {Bell rings ifi hall. ) Ren. {earnestly). You're wrong, Budd. I don't think a thing hke that would make any difference to a girl like Zelda. Stone. I couldn't let her know. That's all there is to it. Dad has to get the money some way. Darn it, Bill, 1 don't know what to do. ( Walks tip and down room.) Enter Pea., main entrance ^ down R. Pea. {excitedly). Here's your crib, kid, quick, hide it. Johnny's down-stairs. Ren. Who? Pea. Johnny Miller, the "math" Prof. And he wants to see you. {Falls on Ren.'s shoulder in mock fai?it.) Ren. For the love of Mike, help. Where is he? Pea. Down-stairs. 1 told him you'd be down in a minute. Ted and some of the others are with him. Stone. Ask him up here, Bill; I'm going down-town. Ren. All right, Budd, thanks. {To Pea.) Peanut, you go in there. {Points to L. entrance.) If I do anything rash, you come out and restrain me. Will you ask him to come up, Budd? Stone. Surely. Watch out. Bill, he's a terrible crab. \^Exit, main e?itrance. Ren. If we were anywhere but in the Fraternity house, I could tell him what I think of him. But now I suppose I'll have to be decent. {Points to l. entrance.) Beat it. [ExitVEh.j L. entrance. Enter Stone and Professor " Johnny " Miller. Stone. Here's Professor Miller, Bill. Ren. {offering hand). How do you do, sir? Will you sit down ? Prof. Yes, I thank you. {Frof. on o?ie side 0/ tadle, "Rei:^. on the other.) I came to see you about your reexamination, Mr. Rendall. ' I sincerely regret that you did not pass. Ren. {half luwiorously). I feel ratlier bad about it myself. Professor, f thought surely I had gotten through. Prof. Your mark was exactly fifty-seven per- cent. I felt that I could not conscientiously give you another point. 12 A COLLEGE MAN Ren. {f-esentfully'). I don't see how I could have failed. I did eight out of ten, and six of those must have been right. I knew the formulas. Prof. The third example was entirely wrong, llie first, fourth and eighth were right in method but wrong in arrange- ment and figuring. I gave you seven points in the first two, and five in the third. {JLarnestly,) I endeavored to give you a passing mark. Ren. {leaning forzvard, earnestly). Professor, I went over all those examination questions with a book after class. They were started right, anyhow, and I think I ought to be given some credit for that. {Resentfully.) It took me almost two hours to learn those formulas. Prof. Are you sure you learned the formulas? Ren. Learned them? Why, of course I did. {Pauses as meaning of reinat k becomes clear.) Do you mean to say you thought I cribbed them? {Rises, with hands in pockets, looks «/Prof.) Prof, {rising). Mr. Rendall, Pm sorry if I am misjudging you. But 1 shall speak frankly. You attempted to solve eight examples. In all of them the formula, generally the most dif- ficult feature, was correct. In four of them the work was en- tirely wrong. You do not understand the working principles of the subject. There are many ways of securing the correct formula. Do I make myself clear ? Ren. Perfectly clear, sir. You think that I cheated, so you stuck me. Prof. 1 failed to pass you because your work did not war- rant a mark of sixty. The other matter is a confidence between you and me. Ren. {pausing for a moment, takes pipe fro?n pocket). Do you mind if I smoke, sir ? Prof. Why, no. (Ren. fills pipe, lights it. Smokes for a minute. Prof. idly fifigers package of Necco Sweets.) Ren. Will you have a Necco Sweet ? Prof. No, I thank you. Ren. {walking le?igth of floor). Professor, you have been frank with me, and I am going to tell you just what I think about the thing. I didn't skin. I haven't cribbed since I entered high school. If a Prof gives me a square deal, I'm A COLLEGE MAN 13 willing to be square with him. But I don't think you've been square with rae. And now, when I take that reexam I'm going to crib every chance 1 get. {Down r.) Prof, (rishig). I'm sorry to hear you talk like that, Mr. Rendall. {Kindly.') We profs sometimes make mistakes, the same as the rest of you. We want to be fair with the boys, but sometimes we find a student w^ho resents our efforts and who thinks that all professors are his natural enemies. This is especially true in the first two years of college. But we want to be fair with you ; that is why I came here this afternoon. Ren. {f-espectfully). I know, sir; but still you thought that I cribbed those formulas. I tell you, Professor, there isn't much cheating in this college. The few fellows who make a practice of skinning are looke- {Lays down candy. Gets up. Walks length of room. Makes gesture.) Gosh darn it. {Takes candies out of various pockets. Lays them 071 table. Takes tvaste basket fro7n tinder the table. Picks up first Necco. Looks at it. Breaks it ifi half. Drops it de- liberately in basket. Takes other candies. Drops them slowly in basket. Places basket under table. Speaks disconsolately^ Now 1 am stuck. (Picks up pen. Opens book to first page. Writes. Reads aloud.) I pledge my honor as a gentleman that 1 have neither given nor received aid during this examina- tion. {Short pause.) I wonder if this is what he means by the college spirit. {Looks off into distance.) CURTAIN {Curtain denotes passing of forty minutes.) SCENE 2. — The same. Time — Forty ?ninutes later. {Curtain discovers Pea. a/id Geraldine Harris /;/ room. Pea. standing, Ger. playing pia?io idly.) Pea. Can you play ''Sweet Adeline," Miss Harris? A COLLEGE MAN 23 (JLooks at her lofigingly.^ Ger. (JiaiigJilily). I really do not consider it worth while to learn ragtime, Mr. Jones. Pea. (^placing hand on forehead, as if struck). Oh! {^Re- covers.') But that ain't ragtime, that's a good, old-fashioned song. 1 always think of you when I play that. Ger. {raising brows). Indeed. Pea. {coifusedly). Er — er — yes. {Recovering^ shivers.) Br-r-r. Gee, it's cold around here. (Ger. turns away ; idly fingers keys.) Enter Ren., mai?i entrance. Ren. Hello, Peanut. {Bows deeply to Q^w.) Good-even- ing, Miss Harris. Rather warm to-night, isn't it? (r. of piano ^ Ger. Good-evening, Mr. Bailey. Yes, it is rather warm. {Looks at Pea. Pea. fixes collar, looks uncomfortable.) Ren. Peanut, did you hear about my exam? 1 am now a member of the College x^luminum Association. Pea. What? Did you get stuck out? Ren. Right. Johnny, the old dub, stuck me. Pea. And your crib? Ren. {inotioning Pea. to keep still, indicating Ger.). Yep, any man baby enough to get stuck in algebra ought to buy a crib. It was a pretty hard exam, though {slowly), the hardest I ever took. Pea. Well, I'll be darned. {Glances at Ger., zvho is watching him with disapproval. Quickly places hand over mouth.) Ger. If you gentlemen will excuse me, I think I shall hunt up Zelda. She's up-stairs, I guess. Pea. {hurriedly). Oh, don't go. Ger. {as Zelda Saunders passes door, main entrance). There she is now. I will see you later, Mr. Jones. Good-bye, Mr. Bailey. \^Exit, main entrance. Pea. {slowly). I don't seem to be making much of a hit. Ren. Nobody ever does — with her. Pea. {enviously). She smiled at you, all right. Ren. {puffing out chest). Oh, well 24 A COLLEGE MAN Pea. I guess she couldn't help it, though. I smile some- times myself. {Changes.) But say. what about that exam? Did you really get stuck ? Rfc:N. Stuck higher'n a kite. Why, I didn't even try the dam thing. Pea. What was the matter with your crib? Ren. Nothing. But do you know what Johnny Miller did ? He gave me the questions, hung around for a minute and then went out. He said he was placing me on my honor. {^Gesture of hopelessness.) So there you are. Pea. Well, the dirty devil. Couldn't you do it without your crib? Ren. I don't know, I didn't try. If I had done it by my- self and had passed, he might have thought 1 cheated. Pea. So you're stuck out ? Ren. {sadly). Yes, Pm stuck out. Pea. {brighle?iing). What did you do with the candies? Ren. I threw them away. Pea. Well, that's what I call extravagance. A whole nickel wasted ! And look at all the time we took copying those formulas ! ( To 2vaste basket under table. Takes out candies. Eats them.) Ren. Oh, well, Peanut, we should worry. Pea. {sadly). Well, we both have our troubles. You're stuck out, and Pve brought Geraldine Harris to the dance. I had to spend two dollars for a cab, too. Ren. [suddenly). By Jove, Peanut, what do you think ? Pea. I think PU beat it back to Geraldine. It's time for the first dance. Ren. No, listen. Do you remember this afternoon when I said that if I got stuck out, how much I'd like to shock your girl ? Pea. Don't call her my girl. Yes, I remember. Ren. Well, I am stuck out. Why can't I do my little stunt to-night? Pea. I don't know why you can't. {Sadly.) But it wouldn't take much to shock her. All you have to do is act natural. Ren. If I get in wrong it won't matter, because Pm going home. I'll never see her again, anyway. Pea. Go ahead and shock her. What can I do to help along ? A COLLEGE MAN 25 K.EN. You can do a lot. Give me a dance. Pea. Who will I dance with then ? Ren. Nobody. The girl I didn't bring ought to be grate- ful. She won't liave to dance with you. Pea. Well, yoU ain't any Vernon Castle yourself. Ren. 1 know it. But listen ; 1 want to sit it out and shock her. Pea. Where? Ren. Right here. Pea. Can I ring in anywhere? Ren. You can look on if you hide in the other room. Pea. All right, you can have the second dance. It's a go. Ren. Shake. {They shake hands.) Pea. Well, 1 have to go and tell Geraldine Pve given you a dance. She'll probably be sore. (^Goes to main entrance. Meets Stone and Zel.) Good-evening. [Exit, main entrance. Stone. How did you get along in your exam, Bill? Ren. Got stuck. Pm going home to-morrow. Stone. That's hard luck. You know Miss Saunders, don't you ? Ren. Pve heard a good deal about Miss Saunders. I am pleased to meet you. (Zel. bows, offers him her hand.) I'm going down-stairs and see if 1 can pick up a couple of dances. Have you any open, Budd ? Stone. Sorry, Bill, Pm all filled up. Ren. Well, Pm sorry, too. Whenever I want a dance with a nice girl, it's always that way. {Smiles at Zel.) Pm pleased to have met you. \^Exit, main entrance. {Tj^i.. sits on sofa, Stone beside her.) Stone. It's nice to see you again. It seems years since Pve seen you. Zel. {smiling). Two days. Have you forgotten that you were at my house Monday? Stone {frankly). No. Since then I haven't thought of anything else. {Music plays ^^ Barcarolle,'' to give effect of music down-stairs in the ballroom.) There's the first dance. Do you mind sitting it out? Zel. Not with you, Budd. 26 A COLLEGE MAN Stone. They're playing ''Oh, Night of Love." Whenever I hear that now, I'll think of you. Zel. Why? Stone. Music like that always reminds me of you, anyhow. But to-night ! It's the 'first time we'^ve been alone since last June. Zel. And all this summer you've been up there in that big house of yours, swimming and boating, and talking to girls like this, haven't you, Budd? Stone {ivincing^. No. I've been working, on the farm, all summer. Zel. {indulgently). You know you couldn't work like that, Budd. What would your father say ? Stone {frowning). My father? Oh, he wants me to work. Zel. {eariiestly). I wonder, Budd, if you ever had any real work to do, how you would go about it ? Supposing you were poor, and had to work. What would you do? Stone. I don't know. Zel. I'm sure, though, you'd do something worth while. But first you'd have to wake up. You're drifting along, Budd. Stone {rising). Let's not talk about me. Tell me what you've been doing. Have you had any crushes this summer? Zel. Don't be foolish, Budd. I met lots of boys, and I liked them all. Stone {walking to table, handles books, takes up object, puts it down again). I guess you like every one, don't you? Z£L. Almost every one. Stone {playing with object on table). Do you like me? Zel. ^Vhy, of course 1 do. Stone {going to sofa, sits dotvn, turns to girl). Zelda, please don't be angry at what I'm going to say. {Voice shakes slio^htly.) You know, don't you, girl, that I've always been crazy about you? And to-night 1 can't help it, I simply have to tell you. I love you, I love you. Zel. Budd, please don't say anything more. You know that I like you lots and lots, but 1 don't think 1 love you — yet. Stone {i7iterrzipti?ig, earnestly). You can, though, I know you can; and I want you to more than anything in the world. There never was any one but you. {Pause. Music cloivn- stairs plays " Oh, Night of Love.'') Listen, dear, this is our night. I want you so, Zel. Don't, Budd ; it isn't time to say those things now. A COLLEGE MAN 27 We're both young, and maybe we don't know our minds. You're not ready yet to — to take care of a girl. Since you've been in college, you've had everything you want. You've been drifting along. I like you, Budd ; 1 almost love you, but [ can't do what you say until 1 know you better. Until you've proved that you can do sometliing else but drift. (Puis her hand in his.) I'm sorry, Budd, but we'd better wait a while. Maybe you will change in a year or so. Stone, i won't, 1 won't. I love you. (^Reaches out his arms.) Zel. (^putting up her hand). No, Budd, not that. {Music stops.) Stone ( putting head in hands). It's all over, I guess. Zel. Why, Budd ? Can't we just be friends, and wait ? Stone. Yes, I suppose we'll have to. (Earnestly.) But if I only could prove to you that I can do things. Suppose I wasn't rich Enter Pea. and Ger., main entrance. Stone looks up angrily. Pea. Sorry to disturb you, but we're looking for Bill, Have you seen him ? Stone. He isn't in here. {To Ger.) Good-evening, Ger- ald ine ; you're quite a stranger. Ger. Good-evening, Budd. Enter Ren., main entrance. Ren. I just told the band to play a fox- trot. Ger. Oh, I adore fox-trots. Ren. So do I; only 1 can't do them. {Music starts fox- trot. Ren. to Ger.) You don't mind if we sit this out, do you ? Ger. Why, no. Stone. VVell, be good, Bill. \^E.xeunt Stone andZ'E.h., main entrance. Pea. I think I'll trot out of the door. I will see you young people later. {Bows. Exitf R. e. Ger. sits 07i sofa. Ren. walks once up and down the room. Sits beside Ger.) 18 A COLLEGE MAN Ren. I'm sorry I don't fox-trot. I suppose you'd much rather dance than talk to me? Geu. Oh, no, I'm rather tired. In fact, I had the last dance with Mr. Jones. (Pea. looks out of door ^ r. e., arid sticks out tongtie.') Ren. {seeing Pea.). Yes, he's pretty fat for a dancer. Ger. He is rather heavy. Ren. It's a shame to waste a nice girl like you on him. Now, if you had only come with me. Ger. Qiemurely). I might have, if you had asked me. Ren. Do you know, I was going to ask you. But I thought probably you'd rather go with Peanut. Ger. Oh, you mean Mr. Jones? How could you think such a thing ? (Pea. looks out door, shakes fist.) Ren. (boldly). You're some girl, Geraldine. You don't mind if 1 call you that, do you ? Ger. {coldly). I had rather you would not. {CJianges.) Oh, well, I believe I shall let you call me Geraldine {coyly) if 1 may call you Bill. Ren. Call me William. Ger. Why not Bill? Ren. Why, you see it would be different. Everybody calls me Bill, but you're not like any one else. Ger. All right, William, 1 will. Ren. It sounds like a coachman, but I guess that doesn't matter. Ger. You came to see me once or twice last year. Didn't you have a good time? Ren. Sure. {Then suddenly.) I think you're a peach. Grr. {laith dignity). Why — I'm not accustomed to being spoken to like that. Ren. {laughing). I don't speak to many girls that way, but gee ! I have an awful crush on you. Ger. {suddetily changing attitude). Why, William ! Ren. {reaching for Ger.'s hand ; aside). Now for the shock. {To Ger.) You don't mind if I hold your hand, do you ? Ger. {looking puzzled). Why — er — {giving him her hand) not if it's you, William. A COLLEGE MAN 29 (Pea. looks through r. e. afid applauds silently. Ren. holds hand awkwardly.) Ren. I think you had better call me Willie. {Awkward pause.) Say, 1 didn't know you were like this. Ger. I'm not, generally. Do you know, you're the first boy who's ever held my hand. Ren. i^sadly). Yes, 1 guess I am. Geu. Do you really like me lots — Willie? (Pea., from R. E., laughs loudly. Ren. and Ger. start. Ren. drops hand.) Oh, v»^hat was that? Ren. {sitting agaiii). That was only Peanut. He's in next door. You don't need to worry about him. Ger. Wouldn't it have been awful if he'd seen us holding hands? He might have thought we were engaged. • Ren. {confusedly). Do you know, I thought you'd be sore. Ger. No, not with you, Bill. I think 1 like that name best. Ren. {disconsolately). Willie is the best name for me. Ger. (placing hand in Ren.'s). You know we shouldn't hold hands unless we're engaged. Ren. {starting to feet). You don't mean to say you like me, do you? Ger. Why, of course I do. Let's go somewhere ; just us two. Ren. I think we're gone already. {Sound of Pea. singing in next room, ^^OJi, the High Cost of Loving.^* Enter Pea,, r. e. Ger. looks at him angrily.) Pea. {winking at Ren). Did you sit out all this dance, Bill? Ren. Yes. {Turns to Ger.) We had lots of fun, didn't we? Ger. Yes, indeed. {Enter Mrs. Brown ley, Stone a?id Z1-.1.., ?nain. entrance.) Good-evening, Mrs. Brownley. Mrs. B. Good-evening. Stone {to Ger.). The next is my dance, isn't it, Ger- ald ine? Pea. {intervening, dance card in hand). Yes, I believe it is. {Music, *' Blue Danube,'' starts up.) 30 A COLLEGE MAN Ger. (offering hand to ^y.^.). Good-bye, Bill. Ren. \taking hand^. Good-night. (Stone offers Gef. his arm. Exeunt in company with Mrs. B. and Pea., main entrance.) Have you this dance. Miss Saunders ? Zel. Yes, thank you, I have it with Mr. WiUis. E.EN. I'll find him for you. \_Exit^ main entrance, (Zel. walks aroutid room. Goes to Stone's desk. Takes up picture of herself . Looks at it.) Enter Wil., main entrance. WiL. Oh, here you are. I've been looking all over for you. Zel. Is this the picture I gave you, or is it Budd's ? Wil. It's B.udd's. I keep mine in there {i?idicati?ig r. e), where no one can see it. Zel. Why ? Wil. I don't think it's right to hang your picture where every one can look at it. Zel. Budd does. Wil. Yes, but maybe it's different with him. (Short pause.") Do you mind if we sit out this dance ? Zel. I was just going to suggest it. (Wil. walks to table. Zel. sits on chair , R. c.) Wil. (playing idly with book). How long have we known each other, Zelda? Zel. Since you were in Prep School ; six years, I guess. Wil. And I only have one more year in CoUegeville. I wonder if I'll see you much after graduation. Zel. I hope so. Wil. Do you think you'll miss me? Zel. Of course I will. Wil. (walki?tg length of room, slowly). I wonder if you know how much I'll miss you. Zel. Oh, don't let's talk about that now. We have a whole year yet. Wil. And this year will you let me see you lots and lots? Zel. I expect to be pretty busy, Ted, but you know you're always welcome. Wil. Budd and I just about monopolized you last year, didn't we? Zel. Yes, I guess you did. A COLLEGE MAN 3 1 WiL. And before that I had you all to myself. (Pause. Sou fid of music playing <* The Blue Danube.'') Do you re- member the first dance in my Freshman year ? They played **The Blue Danube" then, and I had the waltz with you. Zel. Yes, it was when the "Boston" was all the rage. Do you remember those long glides, Ted ? (^Fause.^ WiL. I always remember everything that has to do with you. (^Goes suddenly to couch; sits down, facing girl.^ Zelda, I'm not much at saying things, but you must know how — what I think about you. This summer, in the mountains Zel. {interrupting). Don't, Ted. Wait a moment, I want to tell you something. WiL. I don't want to hear it. Listen, girl. Zel. No, not now. Wait until I tell you what I have to say. WiL. Zelda, won't you listen to me? Zel. It's about Budd. (Pause.') To-night he asked me to marry him, and I told him no. (Wil. starts forward.) But listen ! Ted, I love him, although I wouldn't tell him so. And now I want you to help me. He is rich ; he has never had any problems to solve, and I'm not sure that he could face a big thing and win out. So I told him to wait. I want him to prove himself a real man (then softly) like you are, Ted. Wil. (putting head tji hands, rises, ivalks length of floor ; faces girl). He must be a real man, or he couldn't have made you care for him. Zel. Thank you, Ted. Wil. (steadily). You must know, now, that I care more for you than for anything in the world. But we must forget that. I've roomed with Budd for three years, and I know him well. Take him, girl ; you won't make a mistake. Zel. (rising). And this won't change things with us? May I still count you the best friend I have ? Wil. Yes, the best friend you have. (Zel. offers hand. Wil. takes it in firm grip of friendship.) Enter Stone and Pea., 7nain entrance. Stone. Oh, I beg your pardon. (Looks suspicious.) Wil. (droppiftgZEi..'?, hand). It's all right, Budd. Zeida and I were just sealing a compact. We've agreed to be the best of friends. 32 A COLLEGE MAN Stone. Would you like to take a walk before the next dance, Zelda ? Zel. Yes, if Ted will excuse me. WiL. Certainly. I thank you for that dance. Zel. And I thank you. {^Offers her hand. They- shake.') Good-bye, Ted. [^Exeunt Stone and Zel,, main en/?ance. (WiL. goes to tabkf takes cigarette. Lights it. Pea. sits on couch.') WiL. Peanut, have you ever felt as if nothing that you do counts for anything ? {Sits on corner of table.) Pea. Yes, that's generally the way 1 feel. WiL. No, quit fooling. Have you ever felt as if you didn't give a care what happened, as if you couldn't get anything at all worth while ? Pea. No. Why? WiL. Oh, nothing. Only that's the way I feel now. Pea. I don't see what you're crabbing about. You're foot- ball captain, President of the Senior class, and lots of things. You haven't any right to feel that way; you always get every- thing you want. WiL. No, not everything, Peanut. CURTAIN ACT III SCENE. — 77/^ same. Tune— 2 : 30 A. M. (WiL. and Stone sitting in room s mo king. ~) Stone. Some dance, led ? WiL. Yes. Every one had a good time, I guess. Stone. How about the giils.? Did you get a crush? WiL. No, not a crush; I'm too old for that. {Short pause. ) ^TO-i4 II females. Costtunes, picturesque ; scenery, va- ried. Plays a full erening. I* A Mil IP Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- vARlliflyC tumes, modern j scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. INIinMAff Play in Five Acts. Thirteen males, three females. liiUUiiiAIX Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. MADY ^TIIADT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four f©- 1T1AI\1 JlUAAi males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. THB MERCHANT OF VENICE SkTel^rbS^ml^el: ^^^ picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. DimPI IFIT ^^*y *^ ^""'^ -A.cts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- l\lvllCMI^l; ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. THP filVAI^ Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. lllXf niTAl^iJ Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER SSfAS S.et^'lc..':?/:^?^^ ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. TWELFTH NiaHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL iX'/.nIS;.'; three females, full evening. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, f aried. Plays a Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Salter ^, 'Bafier & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts S. J. PARKHILL a CO., PRINTERS. BOSTON, U.S.A.