'vf-rV I frSdH Class _-4J Bnnk A. / A SALFORD SALAMANDER ANATOMIZED : IN J Cfi NINE LETTERS TO THE REV. MELVILLE HORNE, CURATE OF ST. STEPHEN'S, SALFORD ; WHEREIN ARE EXAMINED AND EXPOSED, THE STRANGE DOCTRINES attoanctfr agatnst $er jflajestp anir fye people, IN HIS REVERENCE'S LATE PAMPHLET, ENTITLED « THE MORAL AND POLITICAL CRISIS OF ENGLAND." By ARISTARCHUS ANTI-HORNEUS. I should think this a gall, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it knavery cannot; sure, hide himself in such reverence. Shakspeare. LONDON: PRINTED FOR EFFINGHAM WILSON, ROYAL-EXCHANGE. 1821. r3 r. J. M'Creery, Tooks-Court, Chancery Lane, London. *& \*<\ TO THE INSULTED MEMORIES OF HIS MAJESTY KING GEORGE THE THIRD, AND QL\)t pfticesa Cljarlatte of Bm Cobourg, THE AUTHOR, (A WARDER ON THE WATCH-TOWERS OF LIBERTY, INSCRIBES THESE LETTERS. ADVERTISEMENT. THE following Letters, the fruit of leisure hardly toon from the severer duties and more pressing calls of life, passed the pen of the writer as relaxation from the oar of business. They have already made their consecutive appearance in a London Weekly Journal, commencing with the 30th September, and closing on the 6th Dec. 1820: and noxv, revised and partially enlarged, are submitted collectively to the public, in the hope of rendering some service, however humble, to the right English cause of civil and religious liberty. Beyond the public acquaintanceship generated by a perusal of the zvork which has called forth these his opinions, the author is utterly ignorant of his Reverend antagonist ; and he is happy in that ignorance, — as knowledge more particular and more private naturally affects the currency of argument and expression, and his business is with principles, not with persons. Pub- lic considerations alone have induced his public men- tion of other characters ; nor is he conscious of having in a single instance travelled out of the record of pro- priety — in touching upon names, and words, and deeds, which now belong as positively to the people, as any particle of the common history of our common country. In the testing days zvhich are fast approaching, the strain will be laid upon LOYALTY among other qua- lities and professions, and whether the ultra and ex- clusive will stand the trial, remains to be seen. That his Reverend friend, however, may not in the mean time VI ADVERTISEMENT. misconstrue the ideas by him annexed to this sadly- warped and much-abused term, and that the unthink- ing who blindly follow the interested and corrupt, may be brought to reflect on the value of the substance instead of vainly chasing its shadow, — the author is led to give a somewhat extended — but, in his opinion, — a conclu- sive and constitutional definition of this Protean word. It occurs in the works of the Rev. Samuel Johnson ; — a divine, zoho sealed with no common suffering the triumphant testimony he had the honor to bear to the truth of the Good Old Cause, and was moreover some time chaplain to the illustrious William Lord Russel, — a patriot nobleman, basely murdered under the forms of law, by the conjoint demonism of the idtra-loyalty of 1683, and the merciful accomplishments of Charles the Licentious, a King who could do no wrong. 'The word loyal is a term of law, and is indifferently applied to things as well as persons. So, a loyal judgment is a judg- ment according to law, and is opposed to a false judgment. A loyal contract is a lawful bargain. A man buys a horse in a market, and then he has a loyal title — a legal title — to him. So again, a person behaves himself according to law, and observes the laws of the land, and then he is a loyal man — he is ' legalis ' homo' — as a juryman is required to be, — that is, such an one as cannot be challenged for a criminal or a breaker of the laws. And in case a man's behaviour be according to law, it is loyal, whether it respect a superior or an inferior. Action nest autre chose que loial demand de son droit : an action is nothing else but the loyal demand of a man's right. Mirror, p. 115. And p. 122, a serjeant-at-law shall not use any deceits in his practice, nor con*, sent to them, mes loyalment maintiendra le droit de son client, fyc. ; but shall loyally maintain the right of his client ; so that it be not overthrown by any folly, negligence, or default of his. From hence it follows, that loyalty can have no other rule or measure but the law : for though some men love to have confused notions of things, and speak of loyalty as if it were a thing in the clouds, and some abstruse matter over our heads, — yet it appears to be a plain thing and of easy comprehension, — for it is nothing else but conformity to the laws. The plain English of Loyalty is Lawfulness ; and it is utterly impossible that there should be any other test or touchstone — any other measure or standard — of ADVERTISEMENT. Vll lawfulness, but the law itself. For, if there had been no law, as there had been no trangression nor violation of it, so there had been no loyalty nor conformity to it ; and therefore, loyalty against law — is a contradiction, — it is obedience made up of dis- obedience. The law is that which makes the King our Liege Lord, and us his Liege People ; and accordingly, both Prince and People are mutually sworn to the keeping of it; and our allegi- ance binds us to an obedience according to law, and no other- wise. To obey the King himself contrary to law, is disloyalty; and to disobey the King in obedience to the laws, is loyalty. If it be not thus, then all the Judges of England, for these three hun- dred and forty years and upwards have been all sworn to be dis- loyal ; for they are sworn to * proceed according to law, though ■ the King, by his letters, or writs under the great seal, or under the ' little seal, or by his own mouth, should command them the con~ * trary: 2. 18. 20. Edw. III. Fortesc, c. 51. ' Etiamsi Rex per 1 liter as suas aut ore tenus contrarium jusserit.' And so in the Court-Leet ; when we swear, that ' we will be true Liegemen, and ' true faith and troth bear to our Sovereign Lord the King/ and that 'we shall no felony nor treason commit, nor thereunto assent, and shall ' be obedient to all the King's Majesty's laws, precepts, and process, * issuing from the same,' — it is plain, that we do not promise any obedience to precepts or process which are contrary to law — or besides the law — and not grounded upon it : no, that is no part of our allegiance, which you plainly see is limited to the laws.' The trial and examination of a late libel, intitled* * A Neio ' Test of the Church of England's Loyalty/ (Circa 16840 London, ldth Jan, 1821. LETTER I. Reverend Sir, A much respected acquaintance, in the kind hope of reform- ing my present opinions, having requested me to read your ' Mo- ral and Political Crisis of England,' I take the liberty — as a very humble member of the middle class in so- ciety to which you especially address yourself — of submitting to you, whom it most nearly concerns, the following remarks illustrative of the effect produced on my judgment by an atten- tive perusal of your lucubrations. Confessing the severity of your various animadversions on the conduct of her Majesty, you plead ( loyalty' in justification; — allow me, in return, to claim equal privilege on behalf of the strictures applied in these pages. In boldly speaking that which I strongly feel, and in treating with the frankness of an English spirit, some interesting topics, around which you have elaborately folded the dusky cloak of mystery, I shall lay — what some may deem — a rude and unhallowed hand on the ark of your recorded senti- ments; but human touch, be it remembered, cannot pollute the sanctuary of right reason,* nor can human voice profane it : if your principles are sound, my weak arm cannot shake them, — if your deductions are clear, and your argument per- * As orthodox charity, Rev. Sir, may prompt you to trip me ere I am fairly balanced on the ice, I shall take the proffered arm of my friend Ciceiio, which, " though a Pagan's," is no despicable support under cir- cumstances. " Est quidem vera lex, Recta Ratio, naturce congruens, dif- fusa in omnes, coyistans, sempiternu ; qu and for what are we rushing to arms and ruin T — you breathlessly exclaim, and will not wait for an answer ; else I should reply, that the * nation is actually going 1 to re- form ; and if she gain not that port, will on to ruin. As for your ' rushing to arms* I presume it is on some secret expedition, and must therefore refer you to the war ministers of the Holy Alliance, both for the cause and destination. Ap- prehension certainly makes sad work with your distracted powers of perception : ' the Opposition may kindle a civil war : that * is easily done! — they may shed torrents of blood, and yet * they would find it difficult — we trust, impracticable — to ' effect such a purpose? Is not this difficult ease or easy dif- ficulty somewhat like a contradiction in terms, Rev. Sir ? — but you are evidently far gone, for you immediately enquire, 1 May not the Radicals devour them as well as us, and so 'make them sing T Why, Parson, this is the very extacy of Bedlam ! ' Even from my boyish days' I re- member the immortal — Four and twenty blackbirds bak'd in a pie,— 40 but, although they defied the king's baker and his fiery furnace., I never heard that these oven-proof melodists sung after his Majesty had dispatched them. Really, you are the most facetious fellow 1 ever met withal. Bottom, the shuttle-pro- peller of Athens, with his grasping genius, his trippingly-trotting triplets, his alternate < roar/ and ' monstrous little voice/ his « amiable cheeks and fair large ears/ ' has been, and shall be, 1 a healthful laugh 7 for all time ; but while in this vein, you quite eclipse our delectable old friend, Nick the weaver, however high he may stand in his own good opinion, or in the popular regard ; and I trust you will take immediate steps to insure to the present music-loving generation and to posterity, the full benefit of your new mode of induction into the arcane science of song. A nod is as good as — , ' but the pro- verb is somewhat musty/ I am, Rev. Sir, Yours, &c. LETTER VI. Reverend Sir, Having somewhat recovered the needful gravity of muscle, which your laudable fears of the Opposition and their post- obit chorus so unseasonably disturbed, I am once again fairly at your service. We have now arrived at your 29th page, and you very sage- ly inquire, * After a world of crime and misery, must we not c return to a King, Lords, and Commons; andean we expect * better than those we have already T — and to this you append a supplication in your highest strain of grandiloquence ; — * Your ' King, your country, your Lords, your Commons, your laws, i your liberties, your religion, your honors, your fortunes, and 1 your lives, implore you, Gentlemen, to stop before it is too '. late 7 But surely, after kicking, cuffing, and reviling the poor Opposition, in almost every page, you cannot imagine the ' Gentlemen 7 will defer to such fustian as this. To the first of your questions, 1 answer, that it will be time enough to think 41 how and to what we shall ' return] when we have deter- mined on a departure from the present established order of government ; and to the second, — I most freely allow, that { a ' better King,' we cannot have, since we touch the very courts above in that particular ; — How much are we bound to Heaven-*- In daily thanks, that gave us such a prince ; Not only good and wise, but most religious ! Even the Angels have fallen, and man — being made a little lower than they — is continually lapsing into vicious misdoing : our law therefore has most wisely provided, that ' the King * can do no wrong ;' and St. Howley has further declared, that the King can commit neither folly nor sin, — that is, if my in- ference is legitimate, he can neither covet his neighbour's wife, nor play the adulterer, nor in any wise break any command- ment in the decalogue ; so that we have the peculiar attribute of Divinity — impeccability itself — sitting on the throne of these thrice happy kingdoms.* In regard to the Lords I cer- tainly entertain divers dubitations, but you shall not be trou- bled with the detail, because I clearly discern an incipient jest under your serious seeming. Commend me to you, Master Parson, for a sly-boots. What, then, you must have a pas- sing sneer at the ' unblemished honor of their lordships ! At the Chancellor, for instance, that ( man of salt'— with his * ' For all Englishmen, in their pure naturals, know (without studying) that a 1 tyrant or usurper is no king, and Lhai a king is some highly lauful person placed l . at the head of the commonwealth for the good of it. These notions they suck i in with their first English air and mother's milk ; and even the people that 1 follow the plough, know thai a tyrant or usurper is some base outlandish thing ' that cannot stand in an English proclamation: for, if instead of crying l God 1 save the king,' the crier should say l God save the usurper,' or ' God save the * tyrant,' — there is never a one of them all that would say — Amen. And again, 1 all Englishmen that have any tolerable knowledge of the constitution, are sensU 1 hie, that the office of a king depends wholly upon the law,— both in its making 1 and in its being ; and that a king, as he is empowered by law, must act by law : ' and therefore they must needs know at first sight, that a king, whose authority ' is antecedent to the law, independent of the law, and superior to the law, — is an i invented and studied king, — and is a' king of clouts.' — Rev. Samuel John* son. Notes upon the Phoeuix Edition of the Pastoral Letter (ofDr, Slier* lock), 1694. G 42 ' garden-water-pol' eyes, and his So-help-me-Godism ; al the moral delicacy of York and Clarence ; at the spotless purity of Anglesea and Headfort ; at the mannerly mouth of Manners ; at the uprightness of that second Daniel — New- castle, and his honest compeers Home and Sheffield ; at the wiseacre wisdom of Ellenborough, Grantham, and Somers ; at the Queen-abhorring tongue of Montrose ; at the disinterested- ness of Dolitlle Donoughmore, and Dollman Grenville; at the cleanly wit of Buckingham ; and at the unbribed and ele- gant advocacy of Bceotic Lauderdale, with his ' Sivita Veeshia/ (Italice * Civita Vecchia/) and his other ninety and nine illus- trations of the Scots- Lombard or Lombard-Scots' dialect! And you must run a tilt at the spiritual bench, — at the In- comprehensions ! This, 1 This was the most unkindest cut of all/ — for * ye are brethren.' My Lords the Bishops ! Fathers in God ! Grace be unto you : there is a statute called the Act of Uniformity, which provides for the uniformity of con- secration, &c. but how unfortunate that it does not insure uniformity of opinion on a vital question of morals ! Not- withstanding our Thirty-nine Articles, it appears that the points of the mariner's compass diverge not more freely from their common centre, than our Right Reverends from Chris- tian unity : for if you inquire the right road to heaven, you shall have three or four contradict the direction given by the same number of them, in answer to the same question, — some recommending the way of Canterbury, others of York, and a third party taking Chester as the proper direction ; so that no wonder the craft is daily sinking in the estimation of a most thinking and enlightened people : — but I have o'ershot myself, to tell you of it: I fear, I wrong the houorable men Whose daggers have stabb'd Caesar, — and his wife too, by Jupiter :— Let the blank verse halt for't. Now, for your Commons, — s I could an if I would' say some- thing ; — that although less fleshed in honors than the Upper House, they would divide with their Lordships the glories of A3 corruption — if corruption existed ; — they would pocket bribes as thankfully, if bribery could endure the English atmosphere ; — they would as heartily applaud a tyrant, if such character were permitted on the national theatre : but I wish to be spared the contemplation of the ineffable splendor that rests on their abiding- place ; and as I consider them too pure, too merciful, too frugal, too wise, and too ' honest, — as this world goes/ — I say ' non-content ;' — and think, — ' O England '—model to thy inward greatness, Like little body with a mighty heart, — What might'st thou do, that honor would thee do, Were all thy children kind and natural ! To proceed ; * If it be base and injurious to the Queen, to { prejudicate her guilt before condemnation, it is yet more 1 criminal and rebellious to the whole state, to assume her inno- ' cence, while so grave an accusation is pending.* And this is what you call i generous humanity, ' Alas ! it is too plain that you tell the truth when declaring, that ' we have long lost our 1 old vocabulary, — and with it, I fear, you have lost your sense of feeling. Criminal! — rebellious! What — to regard as in- nocent those whom the law has not found guilty ! Well may Manchester- law be a laughing-stock to the nations ! — well may Manchester-civilization be synonymous with iron-bowelled bar- barism! — and Manchester-liberty with slavery in its worst estate, with something even worse than Egyptian darkness and Egyp- tian bondage! c So grave an accusation tool Now really, Mr. Home, this is not fair play. You have had your nose in the Green Bag ; have seen, for aught I know, and handled, and tasted the delicitf within ; you have analyzed its villainy, and you call it * grave,' and will not give us a word more of in- formation : but this maidenly modesty — this coy reserve, shall not avail you ; for by the kindness of ' one in the secret/ I am in the secret, and am resolved the mystery shall be a secret no longer ; — the truth then is this — disprove it if you can — that the real and original charge contained in that bag-full of lies — was — that Caroline had begotten a child on the body of Barthclomeo. — ' Will you sup with me, Master Gower?' 44 Your next paragraph is a piece of most magnificent nonsense. ( "Not satisfied with postponing the Coronation, for which there ' is colour of public decency, some journals have the audacity 1 to point out Hanover, as a proper place to hide the an- : ointed Majesty of England, while faction is organizing re- 1 hellion under the name of his Queen. Who but traitors { dare imagine the dastard infamy^ No: Let the glorious ' head of Brunswick and of England stand, like Atlas on ' his eternal base, and from a brow serene, look down on the 1 storm which breaks beneath his feet, 1 fyc. So it was not the ministers, but * some journals (which journals r) that post- poned the coronation ! This is news. What follows is doubt- less exceedingly wise — all ' absolute wisdom/ but I con- fess I do not comprehend it. If 'faction is organizing re- i bellion, 9 I cannot very clearly discover the sapience of your re- commendation to ' the glorious head of Brunswick. 9 To stand ' like Atlas/ with arms a kimbo, appears a singular modus operandi in such circumstances : — then he is to look from his mouth ' serene, 9 — I beg pardon — from his ' brow;' or perhaps you mean the brow of a hill ? — but this is confusion confounded, and compels me to wait your next edi- tion for a light on your meaning. You next observe, ' he is 1 no illiterate upstart, nor ignorant of the maxims,' (you might have added > the morals) l of antiquity. 9 In this we are agreed ; and if Mr. Denman is to be credited, ' the glorious head of 1 Brunswick and of England 1 has studied ' antiquity 1 to some purpose, when he has copied so exactly the conduct of one of its most accomplished imperial worthies. In page 30, you sum up your charges against the hobgoblin of Reform which haunts your imagination. Six counts ; and very acutely put together. The Pope and Alderman Wood, the Queen and the Opposition, Radicalism and Sir C. Wolseley, are severally excommunicated, and ' the lower orders' do not escape. c While we censure, we excuse and bear with many ' of the ignorant and ill-informed who bona fide believe her * Majesty a most-innocent and much-injured woman. 9 ' Here are patience, and mercy, and long-suffering in canonicals ! 45 Prattling, however, like f a waiting gentlewoman' about igno- rance, is no proof of knowledge; and before you censure, it would but exemplify common prudence and common sense, were you to see that your own brain is in order, and its cham- bers duly stored with sound information. The Queen is MOST INNOCENT, AND MOST DEEPLY INJURED, The country knows this to be truth, and (thanks to that dirty servi- lity which has debased the purest of religions !) were you, Rev. Sir, and the whole of the black legion — with the Arch- bishop of Canterbury at your head, to swear to the contrary, not one right-headed and right-hearted Englishman would be- lieve you. Pretty ' guardians of morals' truly ! Guardians rather of immorality and corruption ! Your fears (at page 3*2) appear to have lashed you into mad- ness, and you write backwards and forwards at a most surpris- ing rate. You dread a death from f- impurity,' and \ the rage ' of faction; — then, ' the country zoill die of Anglomania, 4 alias the love of liberty !' then it will not die at all; ' the 1 wisdom and energy of Parliament' and ' the terror of our 1 eye, 7 ' will stand the shock of proud revolt.' < A thousand i bibles shall fly on our banners,' and c the Lord God of Eng- 1 land will deliver these ear thb or n Philistines into our hands' This is pure unmixed raving. Better take these Bibles home, and read them ; and if 1 mistake not, you will soon feel a change in our symptoms. Battle, Murder, and our heavenly Father, form rather an incongruous group— a trinity of in- consistent consubstantialities ! — Non bene conveniunt, nee in unci sede morantur. I much wish to know your creed. # The phrase * Lo?xi * * A gentleman in this city, whose heart is set upon a reformation of ' manners, gave me not long ago the perusal of his creed, out of which I * drew the following dangerous positions, and now I publish them, that the 1 genuine clergy may guard against them. 1. He believes, that a man may * be saved by adhering to naked truth and plain religion. 2. That it is not 1 damnable, not to believe what we cannot believe. 3. That Christianity is as * good a man as Orthodoxy, — saving the judgment of the clergy. 4. That it is 1 possible for a pastor to havegi:ace in his heart, though he has never a rose in his 46 * God of England/ which has just occurred, sounds passing strangely in- my ear: would not ' Lord God of 7 Sheppey or Shetland, or l Lord God of Walcheren, startle even your apprehension? You draw too freely on the bank of faith. ' Ego et Deus mens,' is at least, as high a crime against hea- venly rule, as the proud Cardinal's ' Ego et Rex mens/ was against earthly dominion. The creator and preserver of all mankind, is no respecter of persons. The ' poor Indian* of ' un- tutored mind/ and the wealthy and accomplished European noble, are equally his creation and his care. He is the Father of All — the Universal Father. This gross assumption of exclusive familiarity — of peculiar and particular providence, maybe Church of Englandism ; but assuredly it is not the Christianity of the Gospel. It is at best a lame device, which modern priestcraft has borrowed along with many other mat- ters of hocus pocus from the mysteries of ancient paganism ; it is a clumsy juggle to cheat mankind out of their common sense, — an irreverent abomination, l more honored in the ' breach than the observance.' Till I again attend you, do me the favor to meditate the fol- * hat, and that he may tell truth, and instruct the people, though he be not 1 wrapped up in twenty ells of Holland. 5. That an innocent infant may be * saved, without a parson'' s dropping water vpon its face, 6. That a well dis- * posed person may eat bread, and drink wine, in remembrance of our Saviour's 1 death, without the priest's form of words, — which yet do not change the ele- * merits, which yet are a proper sacrifice, which yet is not flesh and blood. 7 . ' That God may possibly pardon a repenting sinner, though the parson do not ab„ 1 solutely give his consent, and order him so to do. 8. That a man may venture 1 to understand the understandable parts of Scripture. 9. That there is such a 1 thing as a scrupulous conscience ;— with submission to the parson. 10. That a 1 man may keep his oath to King George, and yet not be damned for it; — again 1 saving the opinion and practice of the High Church. 11. That the clergy, as * icell as others, would be better if they had fewer faults. 12. Thai dissenters are '* our fellow-creatures. 13. That religion is a national thing. My acquaint- i ance abovementioned holds all these and more such heretical notions, — ' which, were they tolerated, would bring no small danger to the church. 'But, I hope, her genuine sons will continue their zeal, and defend her e against them all.' — Thomas Gordon. An apology for the Danger of the Church, proving, that the Church is, and ought to be always in danger, and that it would be dangerous for her to be out of danger, 1719. 47 lowing extract from Scripture : it is Jeremiah (c. 20. v. 10.) that speaks, complaining of treachery; and it dovetails in well with the time. As it was in the beginning,— backwounding calumny The fairest virtue strikes. Taken as your next Sunday's text, and illustrated by the splen- dor of your eloquence, and the enthusiasm of your loyalty, it cannot fail of its due and deep impression on your congrega- tion. ' For I heard the defaming of many, fear on every side : ' Report, say they, and we will report it: all my familiars ' watched for my halting, saying, peradventure he will be ' enticed, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take ' our revenge on him. But the Lord is with me as a mighty s terrible one ; therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and 1 they shall not prevail, they shall be greatly ashamed; for '. they shall not prosper ; their everlasting confusion shall ' never be forgotten. — Sing unto the Lord, praise ye the ' Lord ; for he hath delivered the soul of the poor from the 1 hand of evil doers! This excerpt is the more curious, as rumour has assigned it a place in the forthcoming Index Expurgatorius; and says further, that it will be expunged in the new edition of the Bible prepar- ing by my Lords of the episcopal conclave : nor can it fail to gratify every truly ' loyaV subject, to hear, that the scissars of Mr. Sackbut Southey have completed the castration of Taci- tus, and that the l old Pagan' already gone to press, will be duly presented to the sovereign at the next levee. — * That's the ' humor of it I' I am, Rev. Sir, Yours, &c. LETTER VII. Reverend Sir, As the piece of autobiography, in page 32, seems to have lost its way, and blindly stumbled into its present graceless si- 48 tuation, I shall for the present leave it unnoticed, and proceed to examine your apologetic review of the Long years of outrage, calumny, and wrong, — which for a quarter of a century have rained sorrows on the head of our illustrious sufferer. This paragraph (pp. 33 and 54,) is, indeed, a pretty dish of conceits and fancies, an incom- parable confection, a choice ollapodrida of truth and false- hood, argument and imagination, pathos and pasquinade, — > skilfully concocted, and served up with infinite taste. ' She ' was/ you say, ( the neglected and forsaken wife of youth/ and * no man felt more for her /' — i yet, even then, she was * not the only wife, in whose bosom was planted the thorn of ' domestic infelicity !' And who dreamt that she was ? What the people contend, is, not that she was the ' only wretched wife, but that of these unfortunates she was the most wretch- ed, — not that she was the ' only/ but the most cruelly ill treated and persecuted ; a proposition more easily evaded, Rev. Sir, than overthrown. Then, what arrogance to affirm, that ' no man felt more for her' than yourself ! What ! — feel more for a wife than the man who at the altar of his God had sworn — his life's protection, and love, and nourishment, to her? — you feel more for his own Queen than ' England's ' King' himself — than ' the dignified head of the Church and * State of England' — than ' the glorious head of Brunszeick 1 and of England T — why, were you, as honest Donne says, 1 to outswear the Litany/ in support of such a maudlin asser- tion, where is the man to be found that would believe you ? — nay, were you even to cast off all human sympathy, and swear that ' no man felt more' of ' envy, hatred, malice, and 1 all uncharitableness , towards this blighted scion of royalty — you could not be believed ; for, notwithstanding your strong claims to this enviable distinction, there is, at least, one more worthy than yourself. Having generalized her Majesty's misery to your satisfaction, you very kindly particularize the alleviations — levamina vita — that blessed her; and is it 49 sheer ignorance or wilful deception that prompts you to cant about her peculiar and ultra ' consolations f ' She was great * England's future Queen, and the mother of a lovely daugh- 1 ter destined to sway her sceptre '• — granted : but is it not clear as the day-star, that her sorrows must have been as ex- clusively great, and as exclusively her own, as such ' consola- * tions f — and must not her very elevation have quickened the sense of suffering, and sharpened the pangs of marital neglect and abandonment ? Unquestionably : and as pain has a more powerful control over the human temperament than pleasure, as Our pains are real things, and all Our pleasures but fantastical, — by that difference at least — even on your own postulates — must her trials in all their manifold variety of affliction have sur- passed those of all other women. Enough has already been said of the * whisper' that ' began * to report the levities,' and likewise of the * public investiga- 6 tion' — the delicate of that ilk ; but I cannot pass without comment your strange confession, that ' when the Princess ' threw herself into the arms of the Opposition, the tide of ' opinion began to turn against her.' indeed ! — and have you then forgotten, that your own dear Eldon, and Canning, and Castlereagh, and Perceval, were ' the arms' — aye, and the legs too — * of Opposition at the moment in question ? — and that their use — or rather abuse — of the unsuspecting confi- dence of their illustrious client, enabled these gold-hunters to clamber into the possession of pension, place, and power? Truly, these worthies need not enemies — to dig up, and cleanse, and smelt, for the use of history, the base ore of their iniquity, — while such skilful miners and refiners as our Home of Sal- ford, Norfolk Burgess, Cunningham of Harrow, Butler of Chelsea, Liverpool Blacow, convicted of libel, and thou- sands more — parsons all, — ply the friendly task of purifying it from the dross of virtue and the scurf of good character. But, Master Home out-Herods Herod ; for not content with this slur in gross, on the living and the dead, he picks a crow individually with the Orator, — telling us, that ( while she con- 50 ■ tinned in England, the Princess kept a strong hold on the ( feeling of wise and good men! Then what shall we predi- cate of the traitor, that — o'ermastering the counsels of ho- nesty — cut the cable of safety, and left the gallant keel adrift on a lee-shore at the mercy of the elements ? Go to, reverend Defender of the Faith of Corruption ! We have had something more than enough of the base-born Lis- bon-jobber. George Ogden Canning is not a name calcu- lated for ' the grace and ornament' of honorable society ; nor are the great and good deeds of this political trickster, ex- actly suited to sweeten an Englishman's imagination. But whisper' now got bolder : feeling her way, sly rogue ! she be- gan to wag her loose tongue more freely, f When English- < men returning from travel, and foreigners touching on our ' coasts, loudly circulated the tale of national dishonor, what ' could the Regent do, but to' (why to ?) ' inquire by an ' honorable commission into the truth of an infamy so ' publicly talked off Now here is something like ' blushing, e retiring modesty! Why, what ails ye, parson ? — deferring to your readers ? — appealing to them, and in behalf of the Re- gent too ! Whence this new condescension — this grace un- wonted ? Forewarned, — Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes : — yet I cannot control your magic power, nor burst the bonds of destiny. Having tasted the fatal cup, its influence is upon me, a dream of unrivalled triumphs fills my wondering senses, and, transported already to the market of villainy in Milan, I see — what Tilburina never saw ; — I see Cooke and Reganti, and Browne, and Vilmacarti, and Powell, and Rastelli— -I see — treason and treachery, and ' all unutterable things/ — ' I see —I see'— Ah !— Visions of glory, spare my aching sight ! / zee are indeed, most profound Sir, on holy ground, trembling as we gaze on the mysterious objects around us. * Truth of ' an infamy! € An honorable Commission,' by all means, to examine the root, branches, and blossom of this public scan- 51 dal, — to measure from rump to tip the length of this f dis- * graceful tail 1 ' of national dishonor !' Was this done ? Truth answers no ; and you will scarcely dare to ' tell truth, she is a liar/ — O no ! you will leave that bravery to your supreme head, to the arch dignity, to the potent — The secret enemy, whose sleepless eye, Stands centinel, accuser, judge, and spy. You proceed : — * the keeping back the results of those in- ' quiries so long, and the reluctance with which they were pro- ' duced, argue delicacy, feeling, consideration, and honor. Strange notions these ! The * old vocabulary is certainly lost : for if you are right here, then are our Habeas Corpus Act and all our statutes of limitation, criminal and civil, most indelicate, unfeeling, inconsiderate, and dishonorable acts of legislation. Is suspended character so delectable a state of existence ? Is it your conception * of law and liberty unim- ' paired} that slander and malice may conspire against a good name, and whisper away character, and talk of proof which they have bagged and sealed, yet for years refuse the produc- tion of it, — that they may spread their poison at leisure, through half a lifetime — and that law can administer no antidote, till it shall please these demons to confer the favor of an opportu- nity ? ' Hast any philosophy in thee ?' To it, then, and write me au essay to prove that suspended animation is the very extacy of animal enjoyment. — Verily, l thou art in a parlous state,' Parson ! I scarcely need remark on your passing glance at the immor- tal protocols, and the kneeling and handkissing expedition to Portman Street, except that every snug, in the ' life and for- tune* world, every tool Which knaves do work with — called a fool, S shares in your astonishment at her Majesty's ' inexorable* in- flexibility. The refusal of so modest a request, as simply to cancel her rights and sign away her honesty, — certainly betrays an unexampled perversity of heart and head, disgraceful alike to her rank, her sex, and her country. ' It therefore became 52 * a measure of imperious necessity to establish the honor of ' the kingdom by a solemn inquiry; that there might be ful- filled what was spoken by a wizard of old ; — The judge shall job, the bishop bite the town, And mighty dukes pack i votes ' for half a crown. ' Establish the honor!' establish the figs-ends. A precious solemnity truly and sufficiently delicate withal, where might be seen the princes and proud aristocracy of this proud country, and her lordly prelacy, her Right Reverends, — diving into cham- ber utensils, expounding the slang of the bordelloes, and ana- lyzing the stains of bed linen ! But I shall borrow an appro- priate feather out of your * owlet wing/ to conclude this para- graph. ' "Never did the wit and satire of Cervantes imagine * any thing more ludicrous, than toe are acting in real life. 1 The Quixotism he exposes is comparatively innocent : ours ' is pure crime, and sport for devils. Don Quixote 1 and honest Sancho Panza have been, and shall be, a health- 1 ful laugh to, Europe; but what eulogy shall we pass on 9 the judge-and-jury accusers of Queen Caroline ? It gives me infinite delight, whenever your German phos- phorus-box emits even a scintillation of reason and sound Eng- lish sentiment. I suffer none of these your brighter ideas to pass uncommended ; but blame not your admiring transcriber, if these coruscations are — Like Angel-visits — brief and far between. Amidst a heap of nihilipili in page 35, gleams a transient flash of truth : ' The nation must not be sacrificed to any feel- ( ING OF AN INDIVIDUAL, HOWEVER ILLUSTRIOUS ; ' and every Englishman, and especially both Houses of Par- € liament, are called upon to support and countenance the 1 administration of impartial justice/ A noble and manly call! — and it has not been made in vain: it has been answered. — But Master Parson, you have cut yourself! Now, why will you play thus with double-edge tools ? You go on prating very flippantly of the angelic temper. As I am utterly ignorant of the precise character — the definite ex- tent—of ' the purity and power of angels/ I cannot correctly 53 estimate your assertion, that human and angelic innocence are one and the same : aud as you are a believer in ' our Church 1 doctrine of * Original Sin/ and consequently appreciate duly the frailty of our carnal nature, perhaps you can tell me how hu- man virtue of any kind can be the same as angelic virtue. Temperance in eating is not assuredly the same virtue in a man with a locked jaw, as in one of strong health and naturally inordinate appetite. Chastity at three score — is essentially different from chastity at one score years. Then, if this dis- tinction rules in man ' himself alone/ how shall he, in the po- verty of human desert — in the acknowledged imperfection of his nature — pretend to identity of character with the spirits of the just made perfect ? ' The triumph of an angel will be 1 peaceable. My only fear is, that her Majesty is guilty, ' and zvill be found so. 3 Had you written, only hope — instead, your page had been more consistent ; and surely your 1 wish was father to that thought/ or you had not gone about to provide so carefully against the consequences you presume would follow the proof of guilt. When you next start this topic, try if you cannot compliment decency by covering the nakedness of your real sentiments a little better, or their mani- fest exposure may subject you to ridicule. Already, with the poet, Thae winks and finger-ends, I dread, Are notice takin! Poet? — yes, but what has Parson Home and his * Crisis' to do with Parnassus ? Why, truly, he has discovered what was never dreamt of in our philosophy : — hear him. ' Old Horace, ' though a Pagan, spoke nobly, — Dulce et decorum est pro patri& mori.' ' Though a Pagan F As if noble sentiment delivered in noble language was exclusively to be found in i our Church !' And this too sent forth by one who l claims to be a gentleman by 1 education' ! Did you, Rev. Sir, ever hear of any wisdom in heathen Greece, or heathen Rome?— (it were, marvellous if you had, when you can speak thus of their worthies :) and if Socrates, Epictetus, and Plato, Cicero, Horace, and Seneca, 54 were Pagans, — does not that consideration swell the glory of their fame, and cast a shade of comparative insignificance on the sorry pretensions of others, not * Pagans' — but Parsons,— in whom passion burns, — And atheism and religion take their turns ? But, as you respect established institutions, do not provoke comparison. You may know what such Pagans knew not, but it does not exactly follow that you are practically better or wiser in your generation.* Your next page (36) is prodigiously fine. For brilliancy of language, correctness of figure, and wondrous illumination of your subject, it is beyond any praise of mine. The four ele- ments are pressed into your service, but air seems to bear off the palm of victory ; as Peter Quince says, \ it is nothing but roaring.' Now for a spice of your quality. * The Opposi- ' Hon freely throw the seeds of fire on combustible materials, ? and zvould gladly blow up a forecastle and fire the rigging, ' provided the Ministers be blown overboard, no matter whe- ' ther it be with their heads or without them; and zvhen they ( have brought their Sovereign to their feet, they will then ' evince their loyalty, extinguish the flames, bring the wreck ' into port, and assume credit for saving the hull of a vessel ' which themselves had wrecked. Such experiments are equal- * ly atrocious and perilous.' (Amazing !) ' What, if the fire ' kindle so rapidly fore and aft, and explode every magazine,' * See what a celebrated divine of * our Church,' aud what is more — an ab- horrer of preferment, and a philosopher, has said of certain ' Pagans, whom he has not scorned to class with the venerable confessors of Christianity. i Such as Msop and Socrates, the Prophets, Apostles, and Martyrs, with sundry 1 other wise and good men in all ages and places, — who yet not being so well 1 aware of the ill-condition and ttstiness of this wicked world — of which they 1 have truly professed themselves no citizens, but strangers, — have suffered the < greatest mischiefs that can happen to human nature, by their innocent meaning 1 and intermeddling in alienci republic^. ; it having usually been more 1 safe, craftily and cautiously to undermine the honor of 1 God, than plainly and honestly to seek the good and wel- 'fare of men.'— Dr, Henry More. An Antidote against Atheism. Second Edition. 1655. 55 aye, the whole nine hundred and ninety-nine, — f and blow the ' vessel into a thousand pieces, will it exonerate the Opposi- ( tion then to say — We did not mean it f St. Luke's to the life ! Why, surely, Sir, * education' has done as little for you as for Admiral Jordan, whose intelligent interrogations on the subject of the binnacle will never be forgotten. God help those in the cabin when the forecastle is blown up, and the rigging is fired ! — and as to * heads' — unless indeed the crew were properly supplied with cork jackets, and asbestos shirts, caps, and trowsers, — it matters little whether they wore them on their shoulders, or under their arms — as St. Patrick is re- ported to have gone to sea after his martyrdom. But I intreat you to spare us : the wine is new and potent, and we may not brave the intoxicating draught with impunity. Evoe ! pai ce Liber — Parce gravi metnende thyrso! You next complain of the ' measured dignity,' the ' high * polish, and leniency of expression, in the language of the 1 Sovereign and of both Houses 7 — Opposition of course in- clusive ; — and you tell us that ' dignity,' $ polish,' and c sua- ' vity,' \ are here misplaced,' — nay they ' are worse than an f incumbrance f Well, I certainly am not surprised to see you floundering in a lower deep — beneath the deep of Radicalism — for it seems to be your own proper element. So then, meanness, vulgarity, and waspishness, were the proper tone of Royal and Parliamentary language in these new times, accord- ing to your reverend and sapient opinion ? Alas ! ' there is death in the pot/ if this is your Salford Salmagundi ! In your 30th page, you say that without the wisdom of Wood, and the audacity of Wolseley united, { no private individual will f have the hardihood to dictate to that august assembly ;' and 1 infer that you judged it specially fitting to give us a specimen of hardy dictation, that in time to come no man should doubt your possession of these conjunct faculties — this wise audacity — this audacious wisdom. You have seen much, but you know more, — have often gone, I dare say, on € . wild travels/ though no Corinthian, — and if you never voyaged in a Sicilian 56 polacre, have been blessed with a better birth in the * ship of Fools/ It was doubtless at this period of your efflorescent age, that experience taught you the harmony of inconsistencies, and the concordance of contradictions, and time has but ripened your excelling faculties. You can prove truth in one page to be falsehood in another, — impudence in Alderman Wood, to be modesty — ' blushing, retiring, modesty, in Parson Home : it is a rare talent of your own, arid you may safely predicate of it — in the phrase of Holofernes the pedagogue,- — ' It is a gift that I have, simple, simple.' Badinage apart, I bid you good bye, — but remember — * virtue is no horn maker, ( AND MY ROSALIND IS VIRTUOUS.' Yours, &c. LETTER VIII. Reverend Sir, Having scrambled ashore very worshipfully, after the late effective display of nautical stratagem, you treat us on our own element with a further developement of your flaming powers. The ghost of the French Revolution, with many a mortal murder on its crown, is now conjured up out of the crater of a pyrosanguineous volcano, covering f earth and sea with fire ( and blood. 7 i A thousand thunders utter their voices' — < stentraphonic of course, — and we breathe in 1 a world of * horrors' In this terrific hour, your wisdom shines forth in native majesty. f Such fearful signs, portents, and prodigies / you tell us, * as now amaze our senses, were precursors of the 1 explosion] &c. and ' the same prodigies repeated in our land 4 seem to announce a repetition of similar judgments.' What a superb specimen of phantasmagoria ! — how original — thus to inculcate policy by shadows, and teach morality by optical de- ception ! — for it is altogether ' a delirious dream,' a mere vision peopled by fear, a phantom flitting in the troubled at- mosphere of mental delusion. Your senses are not engaged in their proper offices. You have your faculties playing at 57 cross-questions or hide-and-seek, instead of attending to their respective duties, nor are they forthcoming when most wanted, — in this — resembling the wits of those notables, the Rosicru- cians, whose — virtuosis Can see with ears and hear with noses 5 And when they neither see nor hear, Have more than both supplied by fear. Could you prove to a demonstration, that this happy island — * the envy of surrounding nations, and the admiration of the world,' — was ground down by taxation of endless and vicious variety, a prey to tax-farmers, tax-gatherers, and tax-eaters; — that it was overrun by a wild herd of over-grown and privi- leged aristocratical vagabonds, rioting in wasteful luxury, and trampling under foot the bread of the poor ; — that it was steri- lized by a swarm of black vermin calling itself the Church, pampered —and lazy except in acting mischief; — that it enjoyed neither the liberty of speech, the liberty of person, nor the li- berty of the press; — that it was overseered by a f grand mon- arque' — conniving at these flagrant abuses — deaf to these cry- ing sins— if not promoting and cherishing them, — and at all events sharing the fruits of misrule, and upholding a court — the hot-bed of foul and sensual abominations; — and that all this, and even worse, was true as heaven, — when it assuredly is ' false as hell ;' — then would your speculation be sound, for these were the ' fearful signs' that preceded the 'judgments in France. But where shall we look for the counterpart in Britain ? If it pleased a few powerful miscreants to break down the pales of law for the manly purpose of destroy- ing Antoinette ; — if the wigs and clouts of legal forms were thrown into court to hide the nakedness of a worse than Ma- hometan despotism ; — if, when all her natural protectors were afar off, or dead and gone, — a savage and infuriate faction set on this ill-fated daughter of royalty — more like cannibals than Christians ; — if the vampires thirsted and drank her blood ; — that were a 'judgment' with a vengeance ! — but, in the name of wonder, Master Melville, what has all this to do with us? Surely you cannot be so astute as to think there is any parallel between 1 $8 tile conduct of the French Jacobins of 1793, and the English Ja- cobins of 1820 ? You seem to be dwelling in the antipodes of our Utopia , and your brain is haunted by visions of darkness and death, while ours is filled with happy imaginings and para- disaical conceits. The gabelles trouble not us, — a noblesse and a clergy licenced in atrocity — we know not, — slavery can- not endure the atmosphere of Britain, — we have a King ' that can do no wrong/ and a moral court, cherished by the vivifying beams of royal example. So much for ' signs/ and as to 'judgments,' we look in vain for their presence. The fences of our law are perfect, — our courts are clothed with de- corum, and hallowed by justice, — tyranny is unknown, — fac- tion is trodden under foot, — the friends and supporters of the throne are hearty in the good cause, and at their posts, — Chris- tianity is flourishing in apostolic purity, — and charity, bright and genial as the sun, is pouring forth daily floods of light, life, and health, on a contented, prosperous, and happy people; — Pan etiam Arcadia mecum si judice certet, Pan etiam Arcadia dicat se judice victum. Such are the blessings of our incomparable constitution when wisely administered; — and fortunately for us and ours, the horrors you would transplant into this garden of Eden, exist but in your distempered imagination: — but I cry your mercy, Reverend Sir, — alas ! there is one l prodigy that had escaped remark, — one 'portent 7 that had slipped my observation, — a ' j earful sign/ in a different quarter of the overhanging politi- cal firmament, moving in glory obscnr'd : as when the sun new risen Looks through the horizontal misty air, Shorn of his beams, or from behind the moon In dim eclipse disastrous twilight sheds On half the nations, and with fear of change Perplexes monarchs. — — for thus shorn and veiled by the pestilent exhalations from the swamps of hatred, thus dimmed and eclipsed by the intervening disk of envious power, appears the Queen Consort of England. Ah ! Sir, you are a reverend dreamer, a clever reasoner, — but 5$ your wits were unquestionably at sea, when you wandered into this field of awkward and ominous comparison. The sedi- tious sows dissension, and poisons a nation's health — the blas- phemer strives to debase religion, the leveller attempts to pros- trate the claims of nobility and high rank, the republican wishes to set aside royalty altogether ; but it is your true Ja- cobin alone that would strike a woman — that would kill a Queen. Now, Parson, why will you thus butt your friends with your crooked horn ? Why will you pester their jaded spirits with such ' defences' as this ? Although not so gross as Ethelston perhaps, nor so fortunate as either Ethelston or Hay, you are a warm admirer of their absolute wisdom, and certainly have bestirred yourself lustily in the loyal job of shor- ing up the crazy fabric of administration ; but all will not do, the rats are already quitting, the cumbrous nuisance already totters, and the next gale of popular expression shall level it on the earth, a mass of irreparable ruins. Having devoted some seven or eight of your pages to a vindication of the counsels of the Manchester New Bailey, and an apology for the consequent bloodshed at Peterloo, I was startled to hear you very seriously declare, (at 37), that * we * have heard of massacres ,' ? but we have not seen nor felt 1 them.' Feeling of course is in your case entirely out of the question; but, by your priesthood, tell me what you are, — that you alone could not see, what was seen — aye, and felt too — by every man, woman, and child in the three kingdoms. The f patricidal gore' poured forth on the 16th of August, is not sunk into the earth; it is yet crimson as when it first leaped after the sabres that drew it, and cried aloud to the God of justice and judgment; — his chariot-wheels are already within hearing. You plunge onward from bad to worse, from folly to sheer nonsense, and thence to the very edge of criminal assumption. I am well aware, that although — Dulness is sacred in a sound divine,— a harmless laugh at its contrarious antics and ridiculous mum? 60 mcries, is, in a spectator— blessed with lighter spirits, and coiled in a less holy profession, an offence of comparatively venial character, — Ignoscenda quidem scirent si ignoscere Manes ; but, when a layman dares to speak of the wickedness of a church, he has sinned mortally, and past all pardon ; the award is thundered from the pulpit, he is denounced as an excommu- nicated blasphemer, and consigned most religiously to fire and faggot in this world, and to fire and brimstone hereafter : — a glorious triumph, and highly to be applauded ! I am not dis- turbed however, or deterred by clerical anathemas ; but your closing speculations are so thickly bestrewn with your proper peculiarities of sentiment and argument, that each page would alone furnish a score of texts for a critical preacher, and the dif- ficulty of selection consequently becomes appalling: — I pro- ceed. 'Never was the nation so generally cor- ' RUPTED, SO TAINTED WITH ATROCIOUS CRIME, AND ' SO TOTALLY DEVOID OF ALL MORAL PRINCIPLE. ' Except God had left us a remnant, well might he make us ' as Sodom and Gomorrah.'* Talk of the rant of the Ta- bernacle ! Why, here is all Bedlam broken loose upon us, in the person of a Salford parson! ' the nation never ' so corrupted ? What! — and this, after an hundred and thirty years of ' the full reign of English law and liberty V This, in a land which enjoys * liberty of the purest kind, of * The Church of England, having for an hundred and sixty years enjoyed wealth, power, and liberty — unbounded, exclusive, and undisturbed, and consequently had all the assistance of all secular means, is now told to her teeth by one of her own ministers — Et tu Brute ! — that this nation was never — no, not even under Heathenism or Popery — so rotten as at the present hour ! Whether, after this she will dare to call herself the only true Church, is not of much consequence ; but it does nearly concern her venerable self to shew forth something of the true character of useful piety. I shall leave her to be tried by the sound test of an old Englishman, from which I most heartily wish her a good deliverance. ' Holiness of life, being the great ' duty of every Christian, is doubtless too a grand glory to any Church ; and that ' religion, the principles whereof do most effectually lead to sincerity therein, does 1 deserve to bear away the belV Sir Christopher Wyvill, Baronet. The Pretensions of the Triple Crown Examined. 1672. 61 ' the noblest and best established root T This, in old England ' • — under the paternal sceptre of the Princes of the house of 1 Brunswick T This, under a constitution envied and ad- mired of the world, and in the first year of the reign of king George the Fourth ? This, notwithstanding i the extended ope- ' ration of a Bible Society of all Christendom,' and ' the ( strenuous exertions of the clergy"? And this, after fighting and conquering — { for God was on our side; and the ' destroyer brought a prisoner to our coast T Shame, shame, on such scurrilous aspersions, 'false as they are filthy!' Were this scandalous charge grounded in truth, I cannot con- ceive a stronger argument for the immediate exportation of Kings, Lords, and Commons, Church and all, to Melville island or New Shetland. Pretty work, indeed, are you ma- king with your bantling! Your 'Moral and Political 1 Crisis' is 'grand' and ' solemn' enough to satisfy the most fiery alarmist ; for Were I to concede the truth of your posi- tion, does it not follow, that government, instead of a bles- sing, is and has been a curse to this deluded people, — that Church and King are worse than useless, and must have contributed their ample share to the vice and corruption of the age, — that even the days of the Eighth Harry, and ' bloody* Mary, and the first Charles and his amiable liberty-loving sons, were more pure and untainted than ours, and the nation of course infinitely more happy, — arid that in fact, any change must be a change for the better ? Then, your illustration from Genesis, — what does that mean? 'Except God had ' left' does not this imply that God had the power to take, and did take part — the major part — else, how could he ' leave a remnant f — and, if he had the power and the will, which you will hardly deny, to take the whole, — how do you prove that this act of divine volition should be visited as a crime on man, — and that, if it had pleased God not ' to leave 1 remnant, well might he make us-as the cities in question ? Now really, Mr. Home, this is all very bad, and calls for the severest reprobation. It is supporting religion, as the ultra- loyal support the throne — by degrading its character, and mis- 62 taking its attributes. Had you been by Bridewell on the glorious day immortalized by the satirist, you had certainly carried off c the journals and the lead' — the noble prizes of stream-pollution and diving, — Arnall's honors had been solely yours ; — No crab more active in the dirty dance, Downward to climb, or backward to advance. In page 38, you puzzle us with a little more i irony J * Our signs, 1 forsooth, \ are written in such mystic characters, ( as to require the wisdom of a Daniel to decipher them. c Infatuation is a prominent letter of the writing.' It certainly required no Daniel to expound that character, for a child may run and read it. The ministers have been amusing themselves, by declining this noun substantive, while you were engaged in conjugating the verb jargonize ; and it must be allowed, that you are all very perfect in your lessons ; but it will shock their natural modesty to be thus publicly praised, and you should not have printed their meritorious ability. Yes, 6 infatuation is a prominent letter;' and, allow me to add, ' the experience of all ages has recorded the prophecy of 'common sense,--Quem Deus vult perdere, prius dementat' A brief but masterly sketch of Radicalism adorns your next paragraph, which cannot fail to interest and amuse, e The Radicals maybe classed into deceivers, and de- ' ceived ; the first, pure rascals, unmixed with any alloy of * virtue ; the second, pure ignorance, xoith hardly three grains c of sense' The more's the pity ! Deceit is a damnable vice* and has been so counted ever since Satan played off his cunning upon Eve in Paradise ; it is a rascally vice, and is never found in good company, although it may occasionally be seen linked arm in arm between Church and Law ; and it is a lying false- hearted devil, that beards truth in the street, and elbows honesty into the kennel. But, is the f Deceiver' as well as the i Radical' confined to ' the lower orders ?' And, perhaps, you can tell me, whether the class of ' Radicals — Deceivers" comprizes all the ' pure rascals' in the island ? — and if not, let me further trouble you to say, whether such demons, — (for, as they can 63 have rto touch whatever of virtue or human sympathy, I can'-* not term them men,) — may not be found at least as plentifully in the higher ranks, and in the ranks of exclusive loyalty, as in the baser castes of the community. Neither Laud nor Bon- ner, Scfoggs nor Jefferies, were Radicals, — yet these probably are very superior examples of your standard rascal-purity ; and many other prelates and judges might be named, other mem- bers of the Church, the Bar, the State and its government, who have proudly emulated their superlative glories : nor have Princes declined the race ; and as for nobles — they stand en- rolled as victors in numberless instances in the Olympics of in- famy. Now your second class — the ignorants — I should com- passionate, did I not observe that you have very carefully placed them outside the pale of moral responsibility — as the law very properly deals with idiots and lunatics. Indeed radical-natu- rals had been a more correct designation of this race of poli- ticians,— ^-because deceit cannot be practised on beings utterly void of all knowledge, and senseless into the bargain : stocks and stones are not subjects for a deceiver to operate upon. — But, this modicum of ' three grains ! ' — ' Error i' the bill, sir; error i' the bill/ How unkind in you, Rev. Sir, to sup- press the mention of the definite weight that kicks the beam when common sense loads the opposing scale! — I could then have estimated exactly the wretchedness of * radical ignor- 1 ance:' but you will oblige me by saying how many additional grains are necessary to render ' pure ignorance' fit for the pul- pit. I have washed many a sieve of the river-sand of your in- tellect — which should flow from a richer head than either the Ta- gus or Pactolus, — and with what indifferent success, it boots not to dwell on, — it is verily a worthless reckoning. The truth is, Reverend Sir, that * pure rascality no more than ' pure ignorance? is peculiar to Radicalism ; — they live on the emineuces and hill sides, as well as in the valleys of society,-— and are tenants of its castles and palaces as well as of its cot- tages. If you are not a natural, you know this truth as well as the world and I know it ; but there is an eloquent difference between us, the character of which may be readily discovered 64 on the very surface of our relative situations, the effect of which is — that you dare not confess it, — and I — the contrary. My next shall close the outstanding account between us, and I am, Yours, &c. LETTER IX. Reverend Sir, I now have the gratification of complimenting you on your timely discovery that there are infelicities peculiar to royalty. Having discovered that it is necessary you should offer more incense before the throne, in the hurry of business you seem to have forgotten, you had told us in a former page that royal miseries were comparatively light, in that they were met by countervailing and peculiar ' consolations? but you then were speaking of the Queen. I should not however have recalled this to your recollection, had your passing sentiment held a moderate tone > but so doleful is your dump — so woe- ful your lamentation — that I was involuntarily beguiled of my tears ere it was finished, and reflection telling me all was not right, the suspicion was confirmed by a second reading. * How ' wretched/ you exclaim, ' is the nativity of kings ! Were it ' not infamy to desert the high station to which Providence i has called them y what man of sense and piety would be pre- \ vailed on to take a diadem T I pause on the word * Provi- ' dence,' euveloped as it is in mystification, and would ask, what idea you attach to it ? Conceding, as I conscientiously do, that every sovereign — regnant at this hour — is called to empire by the inscrutable wisdom of God, — you surely will as freely allow, that were they to a man displaced to-morrow, such act of dethronement would be as purely aud directly the expressed will of the Deity — Who sees with equal eye, as Lord of all, A hero perish — or a sparrow fall. I speak advisedly in saying, that Charles V. of Spain and Ger- many was called to a monastery as clearly as to a palace, — the 65 First Charles of England to a scaffold, as loudly as to a throne. Nero was called to empire, and Trajan was but called : Wil- liam the Norman, Cromwell, and Buonaparte, could plead as much ' Divine Right/ as many ' Legitimates ;' and Henry VIII. had as regular a summons to the English crown as George the Fourth. If I am correct in this view, what, let me ask you, is the idea you here attach to * infamy f It much amazes me, I must confess, to read, (as I am doomed to read too often,) the strange limitations planted by divines of the established, as well as other sects, at the very threshold of Hea- ven. All alike, in so many words, attribute unbounded omni- science, prescience, omnipotence, to one common God and Father,-r-and yet in the same breath, some will deny him con- trol over his creation. How dare you, Rev. Sir, presume to pass to some black spirit of your imagination, what your men- tal blindness may please to deem evil? What disconcerts you t may gratify another : the rain that steeps you in discomfort, fructifies the field of your neighbour ; the snowfall that blocks up your gate, is pregnant with vernal leaf, and summer blos- som, and autumnal fruit ; and the hurricane that overturns the towers of the proud, the high, and the mighty, and levels even the humble cottage of the poor, is a dispenser of future health and enjoyment to the entire realm of nature. The evidences of these facts are plain as the sun, and common as the air ; and although in the moral world we cannot clearly substantiate an exact parallel,— he must be a bold spirit that would directly gainsay its existence. For myself, I am content to hold that all is from God ; and thus thinking and believing, I am happy in the thought and belief, that as it is, better or worse in hu- man conception, it exists for the wisest and best of purposes. I am not sufficiently learned to say whether this is orthodoxy, but I am impregnably assured that it is Christianity. There is another singular claw protruding from this heel of your argu- ment. You assume it/ infamous' in a Legitimate ( to desert 1 a throne, — his t sense and piety restrain him. Now, since we have had so few instances of desertion in the last fifty years, will you tell me — whether ' sense and piety alone con- 66 line existing rulers in the seat of empire ? — Whether the em- perors of Austria and Russia, the king of promise-breakers and Prussia, and divers others equally sacred and equally legitimate rod-bearers, are withheld from abdicating by f sense and piety T Whether George Washington — ' Stop there, he was no legiti- ' mate' — True; consequently i sense and piety told him to resign the sway of power, and he did so. f Infamy indeed 1 Are you then serious in your declaration, that should it please his most gracious Majesty, f a man of sense and piety '/ ' to ' lay down the gaudy bauble of a diadem ' lined' as it is * with pungent thorns to lacerate the temples of the Royal ' wearer/ — ' a diadem, 1 moreover, 'which requires a combina- ' tion of uncommon talents and virtues, for any ' man to wear with honor/ — he would cover himself with j infamy t ' Verily, parson, you are now floundering in all \ the majesty of mud/ and I am at a loss for the means of your puri- fication. An ironical joke enlivens the next sally of your observation, which 1 must needs quote for the reader's refreshment: ' Pri- ' vacy he can never know/ — as if the fact of the time did not stare you in the face with an exclamation a la Wordsworth — God help thee, silly one!— and exhibit our good King in the fullest enjoyment of this de- sirable estate of human existence. Is there a private gentle- man in the land more private? — name him, Master Parson. You proceed to tell us, how c policy of State and ' policy of l . Church/ and ' inferior politics/ interfere with the royal li- berty in matrimonial matters ; and that ' domestic infelicity is 'the inevitable result.' What! notwithstanding the Arch- bishop's blessing, and the prayers of ' our Church !' — and are you, Sir, prepared to say that the marriage of George the Third was a term of connubial hate and misery? Surely this were a strange mode of defending such a son by reflecting thus on such a father ! Well may you cry, ' From his cradle he is ' nursed in flatteries :' for to his dying hour he shall never want such poison, while morality-mongers like yourself can w thus gloss over a course of action which merits a far different handling. Go to, ye Pharisees ! Hypocrites ! — You must be purged too;— your sins are rank ; You are attaint with faults and perjury. To look no farther, take the following as damning proof of the necessity of church-reformation. ' In the sight of God, per- * haps, the sin of the husband, who should be the J GUIDE AND GUARD OF HIS WIFE, IS NOT MORE EX- I cusable, than the frailties of the weaker vessel:' ' Art thou a churchman' and sendest forth such abominable pallia- tives as this \ perhaps ! ! ! Patience attend me ! — here is ' a * minister of the sanctuary,' ' a constituted guardian of morals/ an abhoner of radicalism, — in brief here is a Manchester par- son, (and having said this I have certainly attained the climax of character,) who, although in advanced years, has not been able to satisfy himself whether adultery in man — in a ' hus- 1 band — guide and guard' of the weaker party — is more ex- cusable than in woman — in a ( wife— the weaker vessel !' Talk indeed of ' pure ignorance with scarcely three grains of sense !' ■ — why this is said e pure ignorance' void of all sense, ' with 1 three grains' — if not thirty — of nonsense superadded ! You then observe, ' yet are they not so ?ioxious and perilous to a ' nation's welfare.' This I flatly deny ; twist and turn it as you may, vices of equal magnitude must bring in the end equal injury on mankind. The laws of God regard adultery in man as great a crime at least as in woman, and unless you are prepared to maintain that those laws are unjust, it is worse than mere folly to set up this sin as more mischievous in the wife than in the husband. You add, — * Twenty natural children of the So- ' vereign cannot endanger the legitimate succession, whereas &ne £ supposititious child fathered upon him, may bathe the land in ' blood.' Yes, and ' may not *■ twenty natural children bathe 1 the land in blood ' twenty times over ? Gramercy, go to Dame History, and ask her the question else. l One supposititious 1 child ;' — supposititious fiddlestick ! Instead of the fish beneath, you are catching flies on the surface of the water. It seems you think very little iudeed of adultery in your own sex, but is 68 it not from thence alone that adultery in the other is generated ? Is not the adulterer sowing the seed for the harvest of sin, and poisoning the fountains of social health in every direction ? But you have not done : i Whatever injuries a nation's morals may ' receive from the bold sins'— (' mark you his absolute* bold?— ) f of her Sovereign, can never weigh against the * corruption of her sex, and the secret yet daring infamy of a ' Queen, whether convicted or only suspected'!!! Good God ! So then you, Parson Home, really do aver that the actual sins, aye the ' bold sins' the public — the avowed — the shameless infamies of the husband, are venial — compared with the 'suspected' the ' only suspected' sins of the wife ! O rare absolute wisdom ! What a loss to Doctors Commons, that you had not taken lessons of Slop and set up for a Civilian ! Your talents had won you a business which said Doctor has won not, and the goddess had pointed you out to the youth of our country in the words of the poet, — * Melville' the scourge of grammar, mark with awe ; Nor less revere him — blunderbuss of law ! In page 41, occurs the following: e If the King of Eng- * land has offended against the King Eternal, by the ' violations of his laws. He alone is entitled to claim thefor- 'feit' And to this I answer, it is an odious, damned lie ; Upon my soul, a lie,— a wicked lie. To waive the straane apposition of royalty thus introduced, let me inquire of you, — Were a King, in a single instance, to com- mit murder in cold blood and of malice prepense, ought he to be left untouched by human laws ? And if you answer (as I pre- sume you would) in the affirmative, allow me then to ask — Were a king to commit such murder in ten thousand instances, ought he to escape human judgment?— Now, Sir, shall we com- mit to the flames, our bibles and our constitutional records, or shall we burn your * moral and political crisis ?' The reader has had many specimens of your theological fantasies, but here is another too perfect to be passed over. 69 i A deadly chalice, mingled by human malice with $ every poisonous ingredient y yet the retributive cup 'of the Almighty, is now forced on the lips of England's \ King; and if not even hope remain in Pandora's fatal 1 box; health, 1 humbly trust, will be found in a cup whose I noxious qualities are corrected by God's mercy and ■ grace.' Why, surely this is on the very brink of the ridi- culous. — It is 'human malice' first, and then 'the cup of the .Almighty, 1 — it is of ' noxious qualities/ and ' is forced ' on the royal lips, — then f. it is corrected,' 8fc. I look in vain for the radical quantum — the ' three grains of sense' in this ex- traordinary description ; but I suppose it is the real genuine Lundyfoot of orthodoxy ; and as such — being no snuff- fancier — I leave it. You ask, — % what eulogy shall Europe pass on Earl Grey f and Mr. Alderman Wood T Any child in the streets, how- ever ' ignorant arid ill-informed, 1 could supply this vacuum in the regions of your knowledge ; but to save you the trouble of so singular an inquiry, I will tell you in few words, — that amid many faithless, they have proved themselves faithful, — they have been tried in the balance, and have not been found wanting, — they have fought the good fight, — have protected the father- less and the widow, — have held l their' course, blameless and pure, — And such is 'their' renown! Hope flattered me that I had done with your doctrinals, but here you are again to ' push us from our stools/ and ' fright our isle from her propriety/ * Lords and Gentlemen, the f unexampled zoickedness of our nation, has, by the just .'judgment of God, encompassed our King, our Lords, ' our Commons, icith dangers ; and with the blessing of our 'paternal corrector, we must extricate them' at * every peril, or perish with them. 1 f Why what, o'devil's name/ Parson, ' callst thou this/ if it is not rank rebellion against heaven ? O madness! pride! impiety! And then follows your profoundly-wise prescription for the 70 Solvation of the three estates: * Let the Sovereign, his Minis- i ters, and the mitred Prelates of the realm, ' call a fast, and ' proclaim a solemn assembly, and all the Priests weep between ' the porch and the altar.' At that altar, let Government 1 and Opposition, and all the people lie in prostrate adoration, 1 and let the priest say — a prayer too long for insertion here, but from which the following sample of tender mercy is taken : * COMMISSION THE DESTROYING ANGEL TO GO FORTH, < TO SELECT THY VICTIMS, AND TO EXTERMINATE ' England's foes!' ' Mass and well said,' meek-hearted Minister-evangelical! — and so much, gentle English Chris- tian reader, for the reveries of a bloody-minded superstition ! The Spartans exhibited their slaves hi all the nakedness and deformity of drunkenness, to deter their children by such strik- ing examples from the commission of the like bestiality ; — -and, to warn the unthinking and unwary, of the utter discrepancy between the sobriety of the doctrines of Jesus, and the intoxi- cation of such teaching and preaching as daily offend against the gospel of peace, — I have extracted these reeling, contra- dictory, and confused unintelligibilities, these striking illustra- tions of the ' delirious dreams' the wild ravings of the author of the volume before me. Religion, pure and undented before God, — to be loved, and cherished, and prized before all things, needs but to be seen ; so bigotry, — ignorant, blind, and brutal — requires but simple exposure, to be scorned, detested, and shunned. It has been admirably observed by the ' mitred ' Prelate,' Howley, that 'prostration of the understanding and will, are indispensable to proficiency in Christian instruction !' Let not this hint be lost upon us, — one may run and read its drift, as clearly as we can read the sun sparkling in the noon- day. Happily we have not so learned Christ ; — -He has called upon us to ' search the Scriptures/ to < try all things/ to ' hold to that which is good f and this, ' with the blessing of 1 our paternal corrector and instructor, we will endeavour to accomplish, despite the open threats of the Pope of Rome, or the more wily manoeuvring of the Pope of London. God gave us reason for the wisest of purposes ; and when a man, be he 71 bishop or beef-eater— curate or cobbler, attempts to wheedle us away from that beacon of light and truth, — it is the bounden duty of every rational being, to evidence at once — his contempt for the trapsticks and limetwigs of sophistry, his ability to defeat the craft and expound the cant of hypocrisy, and his power to repel every attack of the enemies of freedom and know- ledge. Your postscript contains agreeable news ; and if it gives the lie to some of your preceding predications, I cannot regard it as the less valuable. You tell us, — { infidelity has made fearful i inroad upon the morals of the lower classes f and of course left unscathed the morals of ' high? life, in this age of graduating classification. There is some comfort in this, as we have still ' a remnant left' for the day of tribulation ; and it is an addi- tional gratification to hear, that f — the sober religion of the Re- formation is greatly spread AMONGST OUR OWN CLERGY, f the middle, and even the higher classes 1 .' Said c higher f classes,' as well as ' our own clergy,' are certainly very much obliged to you for this friendly annunciation of their recent acquisition, — especially the former, as it seems to have come over your senses like the voice of wonder, that ' sober religion should ever flourish in the garden of aristocracy. A radical friend inquires, whether ' sober religion is not at this moment a very scarce article in the clerical and patrician market ? I can only answer that I see not much difference since your noticed arrivals and supply. It now only remains for me to return to the sketch you have guardedly and advisedly drawn of yourself in pp. 32, 33. Having taken such extraordinary liberties with the characters of other individuals, you are evidently and not without reason afraid, that your own motives should be suspected ; it seems natural, therefore, you should cast about and see that your own quarters are secure, or at least well fenced by the palisadoes of assertion. In page 7, you had called yourself ' an obscure in- dividual i unconnected with the State;' (as if every Church-of- England priest was not closely linked with the government, — in which sense alone the word f State' has any meaning here,) * a 72' * dying man, who has nothing to hope or fear on earth.' At p. 33, you proceed, — * Nor Church nor State hath ever served ( him. 7 He never asked nor expected reward.* i He desires no * human remuneration, and will accept of none. 9 ' The thirty- ( five years of his ministry have never cost Church or State, * on an average, more than 100/. per annum ; an income * which has never afforded himself and family the decen" * cies of his humble station. He is old and ready to die? A sense of justice towards my opponent required this tran- scription, and I leave it in the assurance, that it will have its due weight with our readers ; but, when he says, ' on the * zvhole, he is as free from suspicion of corrupt motive as man c can well be,' — I must observe, that the sentence drops from his lips with little grace and less modesty ; it is neither * blush- 1 ing nor retiring.' I should be loth, Rev. Sir, to disturb jour self-complacency, but that its appearance in its present sentimental raiment, is calculated, in my humble opinion, to mislead ' the ignorant,' to confound the ' ill-informed,' to countenance superstition, to bolster up the pretensions of tyranny ' temporal and spiritual/ and to do special mischief to the great and good cause of civil and religious liberty. I would, therefore, most feelingly implore you to leave off this unhappy trick of scribbling on subjects far out of the depth of your understanding. Retire within the pale of your domestic quiet ; let not the ripple now playing on the waters of popu- lar opinion, affect your tranquillity ; compose your spirits, and endeavour to divest your religious calling of party-politics. For mental relaxation and amusement, — (demanded equally by your years, and the exact performance of those duties to which you are summoned by your profession,) — allow me to .refer you, since 'policy of State' is your hobby, to Milton and Locke— to Marvell and Sydney. But, above all, let me Jbeseech you to simplify your doctrinal conceptions: let the ' simplicity that is in Jesus' content you : run not after false prophets, after the Jacks o' lantern that flit about the moras- ses of religion : relinquish to those, who ' teach rebellion from 6 the bible/ the heavy machinery of Manes, and the vi- 73 sionary complications of Zoroaster, and confine yourself to ? the worship of the Father in spirit and in truth :' — I may then hail, with delight, the promised advent of a day not far off, when you shall acknowledge the absolute wisdom of this my humble recommendation. Time, that brings truth to light, in the last few ' little months' must have done much towards correcting your old opinions on many matters, — for a lesson has been read to you and the like, which, — if you have any spark of understanding — cannot be lost on your future conduct. To conclude: were I inclined to play the e Daniel,' and to offer an explication of ' the signs' of the times — to ' decipher * our mystic character, 7 1 should say, Reform 'is a promi- 1 nent letter of the writing, and the experience of all ages ' has recorded the' fiat ' of common sense,' — VOX POPULI— VOX DEI ! Should you think well to step again into the field, I shall be found at your service. No life-hunter — 1 would fight with my pen for all weapon ; and if a few goose-quills are wasted in the contest, it shall never be charged against me, that I ad- vocated the shedding of blood. There are enow, both in * our ' Church,' and out of it, most laudably engaged in that Chris- tian occupation. But, I have done. Allow me, at parting, to wish you health and more comfortable opinions : commend me to your townsmen as a friend and a well-wisher ; and be pleased to think not the less worthily of me, in that I subscribe myself* Reverend Sir, ARISTARCHUS ANTI-HORNEUS. Johu M'Creery, Tooks-Court, Chancery-Lane, London. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 020 661 465 1