Rube's Family «46 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, NEW YORK. PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 15 CENTS EACH F CRANFOKD DAMES. 2 Scenes; \\& hours 8 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; \y A hours 6 MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 PRINCESS KIKU. (35 cents) 13 RAINBOW KIMON A. (25 cents.) 2 Acts; \% hours 9 MERRY OLD MAIDS. (25 cents.) Motion Song 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH M APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 WANTED, \ MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1^ hours 24 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N Y. RUBE'S FAMILY a Abonolodue BY WILLIAM AND JOSEPHINE GILES AUTHORS OF UNCLE Sl'S PREDICAMENT, HOOSIER SCHOOL, A BACHELOR* ELOPEMENT, BILL JONES, ETC- Copyright, 19H, by DICK & FITZGERALD NEW YORK DICK & FITZGERALD 18 Ann Street 1 6*1>* TMP92-009245 ( JUL -7 1914 C)C!.D 37377 VU>1 RUBE'S FAMILY ' Rube. Did you know I was married? Yes, I'm married, I married a woman, I'm better looking then she is, she's good lookin' though. You see, Pap and Ma didn't want me to marry my wife, they wanted me to marry in the Jones family, but I couldn't figure it out how to marry in the Jones family for they are all fellers, and old farmer Jones is still livin' with his wife, I couldn't marry her, so it was too darn deep for me, and I just went and married Tilda Dolittle, she had the money, and I thought it was a good chance, so Tilda and I got married. About two weeks before Christmas the doctor told me Tilda would have to be operated on, and I thought that I would just have it done for a Christmas gift, so I done Tilda up and sent her to the hospital labelled with a tab which read, "Not to be opened till Christmas." My Ma, oh, yes, I wanted to tell you about Ma, you know Ma don't you, well anyhow you know Ma, she's Pap's wife yes you see Pap he got married too like a darn fool. It seems as though all of our family are gettin' married, yes, you see Ma she's married now, yes she went and married Pap. The other day Ma, she went down street, and she passed by old Si Perkins harness shop, and just as Ma was going by a horse collar that Perkins had hanging out in front of his shop fell right around Ma's neck, yes, sir, the darn collar fell right around her neck, Pap he said I suppose it thought that's where it belonged, for Ma had so much wagon to her tongue. Pap, of course you know Pap, you see he's the feller I was telling you about that married Ma, you see we live on the farm, of course I wanted to tell you that for you wouldn't know it unless I'd tell you, well anyhow you see Pap he's a little tired of the farm, and went to the city to get a job. You can imagine Pap in the city, but Pap he went all right, and went to a factory ; he went into the office, they were several people working around in the office, men and women, so Pap he stood around 3 a Rube's Family- waiting for the boss to come when he noticed a sign on the wall which read, " If you want to know who's boss here start some- thing," and Pap like a darn fool started to sing, then everybody in that office was boss. Pap he woke up about three days after that. Pap he likes the farm now. My sister Sue, you know Sue, you see she's Pap's daughter on Ma's side, so that makes Sue and me brother and sister on Ma and Pap's side both, now to explain it clearer so you will understand it plainer, you see Ma she's my Ma and Sue's Ma too, and Pap he married Ma and Sue and me are Pap's children and Pap he's Ma's husband — and — and well — Sue she's got a city chap for a feller, you see he comes down to spark Sue, and you see Pap he's kinder turned against the city since he put his face in for a job so he chases Sue's feller every time he sees him around the farm. Pap he went over to old farmer Brown's the other day, and it happened that Sue's feller come down to see her, and they were standing out at the front gate talking and Pap he come home, and Pap seen him, and I made a run for the barn for I knowed what was coming, so Pap he went run- ning to the house, and out he come with the shot gun, and Sue's feller seen Pap coming, he grabbed his hat in his hand and started down the road, Pap he up with the shot gun and let that city chap have it, yes, sir, Pap shot him. {Laughs) Pap shot him right in — (Laughs) the middle of the road. You see Pap he's a little near-sighted, and just then the preacher come up through the gate and Pap he thought it was Sue's feller coming back, and Pap up with the gun and shot the preacher. (Laughs) Yes shot the preacher right in the — (Laughs) in — the front gate. The preacher he yelled and went around the — the house a running and Pap after him, and just as Pap turned the corner of the house, old Mrs. Brown was going down through our back yard, and Pap he up with the shot gun and shot Mrs. Brown, (Laughs) yes, sir, Pap shot Mrs. Brown right in the, (Laughs) back-gate. Pap then went running around the house, and Ma was out shutting up the hen house, and Pap he thought it was some one trying to steal our chickens, so Pap he up with the gun and shot, and don't you know he missed Ma, and shot my old pet hen — (Laughs) yes, sir, Pap shot my pet hen right in the — (Laughs) hen-house. Ma had her for dinner the next day and the preacher was there and he asked for the piece that went over the fence last, Ma said she was sorry but we couldn't find it. CURTAIN. MILITARY PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH M. BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1% hours 9 ISABEL., THE PEARL. OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 RURAL PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2M hours 8 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 GREAT WINTERSON MINE . 3 Acts ; 2 hours 6 SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 FROM PUNKLN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 ENTERTAINMENTS 25 CENTS EACH AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 *" BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 4 30 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 horns 6 9 OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1^< hours 4 4 YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 1 OVER THE GARDEN W ALL. (15 cents) 11 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS COMEDIES AND 016 ^ 25 CENTS EACH BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting.... COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours DEACON. 5Acts; 2^ hours DELEGATES EROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes. DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting ESCAPED EROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2% hours IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1^ hours..-. JAIL BIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2^ hours MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2\i hours NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 6 Acts; 2% hours STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2% hours WHAT'S NEXT? 8 Acts; 2\i hours WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2% hours 325 A m. r. 6 3 11 6 9 3 9 4 8 6 3 10 6 5 WESTERN PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2*4 hours 11 3 RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2% hours.... 5 3 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2\i hours. 9 3 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y.