PRICE 15 CENTS THE P BUSHING COMPANY Successful Rural Plays A Strong List From Which to Select Your Next Play FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur i-EWis Tubes. For five male and six female characters. Time of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience alternately to tears and to laughter. Price, 25 cents. HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur Lewis Tubes. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all fovir acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- covers she loves Len, but thinks- she has lost him also. Then he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. Price 25 cents. THE OLD NEW^ HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of the^ "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play everybody understands and likes. Price, 25 cents. THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four fernales. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting and novel. Price, 15 cents. A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven males and four females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. Price 15 cents. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA A Royal Initiation A Mock Degree in One Act By A. E. POOLE PHILADELPHIA THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 1915 ^^^\<\'\'' ''^A Copyright 191 5 by The Penn Publishing Company TMP96-006393 A Royal Initiation JUL 27 1915 ©CID 41325 A Royal Initiation CHARACTERS The King ..... presiding officer Honorable Prime Minister and Royal Surgeon .... second officer Prince of Jolliers ..... third officer Honorable Supreme Secretary. Honorable Supreme Treasurer . . the general collector of graft Lord High Executioner . . errand boy and guide Candidate .... applicant for membership Guards y other members^ etc., as desired. Time : Fifty minutes. STORY OF THE PLAY An entertainment for an all-male cast which is just what men's and boys' clubs everywhere are looking for, full of *' freak" characters and catchy "stunts." Jokes, quick answers and snappy replies follow in quick succession, while the unhappy candidate is being put through his paces as a prospective member of the Kingdom of Punk. A farce full of laughter and action all the way through. COSTUMES, ETC. King. A gilt crown, a long royal robe, as grotesque as possible. Lord High Executioner. Clown costume with police- man's helmet ; carries an axe and shotgun. Candidate. Any freak costume under a sheet and paper mask. The remaining members of the lodge are dressed in any grotesque court costume. PROPERTIES King. Gavel, scrolls for administering the oath and for the lecture, on the table in front of him. Lord High Executioner. Cotton in his pocket, cork- screw, six blovvn-up paper bags labeled "Wind," feather duster hanging on nail near door l., axe, pop-gun, two-quart basin, bag for cat. Prince of Jolliers. Can-opener, large pasteboard can with a red tomato painted on it, match-box, trick flash lamp from which snake springs. Honorable Prime Minister. Crowbar, wrapped up, oculist's test card, dollar bill, toy horn, clove, piece of cheese. Honorable Supreme Secretary. Package labeled *' Dynamite," scroll for report, application blank. Honorable Supreme Treasurer. Package marked *' Yeast," electric bulb in bag. Candidate. A piece of coiled up wire taken from the inside of a curtain rod. A live goat if possible, or a caricature goat on wheels, with sign on each side, ''Hercules, the strongest goat in captivity," lantern attached to tail. (This goat may be omitted if necessary, but the effect is greatly heightened if one is secured.) Signs for each officer (see text of play), ballot-box and toy blocks for cubes on the table l. c. ; hat, shoes, coat, vest, bent hoop for tooth, false hair, pill-box and collar from the candidate ; tongs for guards ; big stick leaning diagonally against the door l., to keep it shut. SCENE PLOT \z) \_J Doorj SCENE.— A meeting of the Royal Court of Punk. Doors L. and up l. c, table l. c, chairs extending in a row from up c. to down R., center chair, on a platform and draped, for the King. In front of this is a small table. A Royal Initiation SCENE. — A meeting of the Royal Court of Pmik. Enter all the character Sy l., in order listed, Candidate blind- folded ; march down c. and around the stage. On second time around all take their respective seats {see Scene Flot)^ except the Lord High Executioner, who continues to the door,.!.., ivith Candidate, puts him out and crosses R. to right of King. {At the rap of the gavel all sit, except the Lord High Executioner. General disturbance caused by the Hon- orable Prime Minister and the Prince of Jolliers sitting down on ^^ tacks. ''^ King (rising haughtily). Why this unseemly disturb- ance ? H. p. M. I sat on a pin. I think that fresh Executioner put it there. King. This is serious. Do you feel sure of it in your mind ? {^Sits down again slowly.) H. P. M. In my mind ? That wasn't where I felt it. {Sits down again, carefully brushing chair.) P. O. J. {impertine?itly). If the one I sat on was meant for a joke, I don't see the pint. King. You don't see the pint? Of course not. This is a dry town. (Prince of Jolliers is seated, carefully brushing chair.) Lord High Executioner, what is your standing in this Court of Punk ? L. H. E. (comifig out from r. of King and standing down c, bowing and scraping). I have to stand almost everything, Sire. King. Your duties ? L. H. E. {rapidly). Chambermaid, errand boy, and general utility man about the place ; take in the milk, sweep 8 A ROYAL INITIATION off the front steps and open up in the morning; assist in canning the candidates and to wheel out the remains if any be left ; swat the flies on the goat and make the fire in the absence of {local name), the regular janitor; also wind the clock, put out the cat and lock up at night, or when so ordered by Your Majesty. King. Then get busy and lock up, before the house is pinched. First ascertain, however, if all present are feeling properly punk. We want even the visitors to be in sym- pathy with us. L. H. E. {head resti?ig on right hafid, in mock medita- tion). ** Sympathy"? I pray thee, Sire, what is sym- pathy ? King. What is sympathy? {Grandly.) Sympathy is a fellow feeling. {Pulls his beard thought/idly.) L. H. E. Then the only one who is sympathy is that young fellow feeling his moustache. {Points toward audience.) King {taking his hand down hastily, 7vith irritation). Oh, shut up ! L. H. E. Just as soon as I can get to the door, Your Majesty. {Rushes l., locks afid braces the door, stuffs cot- ton in the keyhole and faces the throne, down l.) The palace is duly locked. Sire. King. Did you forget to hook the screen door ? L. H. E. The screen door has long been hooked. Sire. King. How hooked ? L. H. E. By some kids, — last Hallowe'en. King. Honorable Prime Minister, are you properly primed ? H. P. M. {rising with a Jerk. In general, members rise when spoken to by the King). Well primed. Sire. King. How primed ? H. P. M. {rapidly). Winchester double barreled, Colt's automatic, Iver- Johnson repeater and roast ribs of beef. King. What are your duties in this Court of Punk? H. P. M. To instruct, insult and intimidate the candi- dates, pull all the political wires in the kingdom and eke out my scanty income by lecturing on the Chautauqua circuit. I also act as Royal Surgeon and remove the appendices of the candidates. {Sits.) King. Your Royal Highness, Prince of Jolliers, what is your rank in the Court of Punk ? P. O. J. I am Crown Prince of the kingdom, being the A ROYAL INITIATION 9 eldest son of the King and a son of a G-reat and Glorious Queen. King. Your duties ? P. O. J. Teach, tease, lick, lecture and muss up the candidates, and in the absence of the goat to butt in on all occasions, also to keep an eye on the Old Man's job. King. Honorable Supreme Secretary, what is your standing in this Court of Punk ? H. S. S. 1 try to stand in with everybody, Sire. King. Describe your cinch. H. S. S. To attend all court functions in the kingdom, also in {local cities^, remaining at the same until the street lights go home and they haul in the moon. To write up the same for the Police News in the {local paper') ; keep the Society Blue Book and write '* stand-off letters " to Your Majesty's creditors; — incidentally, to keep an account of the regular as well as the irregular doings of the Court of Punk, and, in case of trouble, to destroy the evidence. King. Honorable Supreme Treasurer and General Col- lector of Graft, what is your rank in the Court of Punk ? H. S. T. Very rank. Sire, for I handle much tainted money. King. Explain your little snap. H. S. T. To collect the regular percentage of all graft operating in the kingdom and an extra percentage for my- self when Your Majesty's back is turned. Also to mix Your Majesty's iced tea, keep the keys of Your Majesty's cellar and anything else that I can get my hands on. King. Honorable Prime Minister, with what should a lodge of the Court of Punk be opened ? H. P. M. With the Proper Implement, Sire. King. Have you the Proper Implement ? If so, I desire it. H. P. M. I have it. Your Majesty, and will deliver it into your hands immediately by the Lord High Execu- tioner. (Lord High Executioner, coming r., takes a package from the Honorable Prime Minister, which he presents to the King.) L. H. E. This, O King, live forever, saith the Honor- able Prime Minister, is the Proper Implement with which to open a lodge of the Court of Punk. 10 A ROYAL INITIATION (Honorable Prime Minister sits. Lord HigiT Execu- tioner goes down L.) Y^i^o {opening package). What! He sends me a crow- bar with which to open this lodge? {To Honorable Prime Minister.) I will settle with you later. H. P. M. (aside).' High time he settled with somebody. King. Your Royal Highness, Prince of Jolliers, with what should a lodge of the Court of Punk be opened ? P. O. J. With the Proper Implement, Sire. King. Have you the Proper Implement ? If so, I desire it. P. O. J. I have it. Your Majesty, and will deliver it into your hands immediately by the Lord High Execu- tioner. L. H. E. (going R. and receiving package from the Prince of Jolliers, which he hands to the King). This, O King, live forever, saith His Royal Highness, the Prince of Jolliers, is the Proper Implement with which to open a lodge of the Court of Punk. (Moves down l.) King. What ! He sends me a can-opener with which to open this lodge? The Crown Prince, the son of my bosom, is guilty even of Lese Majesty. If my lease had not run out, I'd can him. P. O. J. Here's the can, pop. (Rushes a large pasteboard tomato can up to the throne by the Lord High Executioner; quick manoeuvres.) King. Honorable Supreme Secretary, with what should a lodge of the Court of Punk be opened ? H. S. S. With the Proper Implement, Sire. King. Have you the Proper Implement ? If so, I de- sire it. H. S. S. I have it, Your Majesty, and will deliver it into your hands immediately by the Lord High Executioner. L. H. E. (receiving the package from the Honorable Su- preme Secretary which he presents to the King). This, O King, live forever, saith the Honorable Supreme Secretary, is the Proper Implement with which to open a lodge of the Court of Punk. King (opening package and looking at it gingerly^ hand- ing it to the Lord High Executioner, 7vho receives it fear- fully, rolling it from one hand to another, as if it burned A ROYAL INITIATION II hint). What, — the Honorable Supreme Secretary sends me a stick of dynamite with which to open this lodge ? Blast him. Take this, Executioner, and — throw it at the Secre- tary's head. (Lord High Executioner carries package abiiost up to the Honorable Supreme Secretary, makes several feints with it, which Honorable Supreme Secretary dodgesy and fitially throws it to Honorable Supreme Secretary, who catches it fieat/y. Lord High Executioner re- treats down L.) H. S. S. I caught worse than that last morith, when I got home from the lodge. King. Honorable Supreme Treasurer, with what should a lodge of the Court of Punk be opened ? H. S. T. With the Proper Implement, Sire. King. Have you the Proper Implement ? If so, I de- sire it. H. S. T. I have it not, Sire. I loaned it to the Lord High Executioner a week ago. King. Lord High Executioner, with what should a lodge of the Court of Punk be opened ? L. H. E. With the Proper Implement, Sire. King. Have you the Proper Implement? If so, I desire it. L. H. E. Sure thing, Your Majesty. I always carry one, right on my key chain. (^Advances and presents cork-screw.') King (rising and holding up cork-screw). Right thou art, O Lord High Executioner. In this humble instrument we have the most sacred symbol of our faith. As the cocks crew in the morning to announce the first opening of the day, — so this our mystic cork-screw symbolizes the opening of the night, in this our lodge. (Lord High Executioner moves dawn L.) Honorable Prime Minister, with what should the work of a lodge of Punk be conducted ? H. P. M. With Punctilious Ceremony. King. What is '' Punctilious Ceremony" ? H. P. M. Chiefly punk, O Sire. King. Your Royal Highness, Prince of Jolliers, in what lies the strength of the Royal Court of Punk ? 12 A ROYAL INITIATION P. O. J. In humility and fear. King. What kind of fear ? P. O. J. Kimosphere. King. Lord High Executioner and Errand Boy, you will repair at once to the Honorable Supreme Treasurer and see if he can raise the wind. (Lord High Executioner goes to Honorable Supreme 'I'reasurer, holds a whispered conversation, and returns to throfie.^ L. H. E. Your Supreme Majesty, the Honorable Supreme Treasurer reports that the North wind is stilled and a dead cahn pervades the South and West. Nevertheless, he is still able to present you with a litde of the yeast. (^Presents -a yeast cake.') King. A yeast cake ? Not enough for my present pur- pose. I may need it some time when I want to raise the dough. Lord High Executioner, it is incumbent upon me that I ask you to do some more repairing, — this time to the outer world, where the air is fresher. Journey through Egypt to the country where Dreamwold is situated and see if you can borrow some wind from Thomas Lawson (or other character) ; he is always ready to blow himself, — and blow. (Lord High Executioner exits, c. A great bang- ing and whistling is heard and 'Lokd High Executioner enters with six blown up paper bags, labeled, *' IVind." Advances to throne,— falls on the way, exploding a bag.) How were you able to return so soon ? L. H. E. I had gone but a little way on my journey when I met the Mayor of Boston {or some local character), and out of his abundance of wind he gave me this. King. It is well. {Takes a bag.) You may present a round of ammunition to the other officers. (Lord High Executioner passes a bag to each. All stand.) Do as I do. {Holds a bag to mouth.) One, two, three, — in-hale. {All gradually collapse bags.) Signs, officers and princes of the Royal Court of Punk. {Each officer produces a sign from behind his chair, displays it to the audience, and hangs it on a nail on the wall in the rear of the stage. Sig7is 7nay be marked: ^^ Rooms to Refit,'* ^'' No Trespassing,"" ''It A ROYAL INITIATION 13 IVorks While You Sleep,'' ''Keep Off the Grass,'' '' Votes for Women, " < ' Safety First, " * ' Beware of the Bull, ' ' etc. ) Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye, — all those who have petitions to present to His Majesty and the princes of the Royal Court of Punk, draw near, present your cause and ye shall be heard. 1 now declare Lodge of the Royal Court of Punk legally open for the transactions of such business as we are obliged to do or lose our character. L. H. E. It won't be legal unless you see John Doe. ( Or some local lawyer. ) {All sit except Lord High Executioner, who stands on King's right.) King. Honorable Supreme Secretary, your report? Secretary's Report. The sixteen thousand eleven hundred and thirty-first reg- ular meeting of the Lodge of the Royal Court of Punk was holden in the palace, Wednesday evening, Febru- ary the 30th, 19 — . His Supreme Majesty was in his bed, suffering from a "hang-over" from the night before, when he sat opposite to a royal flush. The chair was occupied pro tem. by His Royal Highness, the Prince of Jolliers. Minutes of the previous meeting were omitted, the Secre- tary having left his watch at his uncle's. The Treasurer reported the usual deficit and the Chair advised greater activity in securing new members. Chairman of Charity Committee, believing that ''charity begins at home," stayed there but sent in his report, which showed an expense of 37 cents for charity, mostly for postage. Chair gave this committee a scathing rebuke for its want of economy. Entertainment Committee reported a highly successful tango party at {local place), with 180 couples pres- ent and only 140 arrests. Receipts, $3.21. Expenditures, ^162.87. Committee given a rising vote of thanks and the suggestion that another dance be given in the near future. Seventeen applications for membership were received, all of which were black-balled. One candidate was taken half through the initiation cere- lA A ROYAL INITIATION monies and then given the hook, as the Treasurer found that the ten dollar bill he had given was *' stage money." Meeting closed in bad form at two a. m. Attest : (^Nmne here. ) Hon. Sup. Sec. King. A good report. We will declare it accepted, if there are no corrections or objections. Honorable Supreme Treasurer and General Collector of Graft, are you ready with your report ? H. S. T. {advaiicing to throne^. This, Sire, is my report. {Drops an electric lamp in bag, exploding it.) Busted ! King. A bomb report. We feared our Treasurer had become an Anarchist. In the place of a better report we will consider the Treasurer's report accepted, if there are no objections. As none of the members of the various commit- tees are present we will dispense with their reports. Hon- orable Supreme Secretary, have we any names to ballot on this evening ? H. S. S. We have one. Sire, — that of John Doe. {Or local name. ) King. What, — that fellow up again ? I thought the committee had turned him down seventeen times already? H. S. S. Eighteen, Sire, but this time he bribed the committee. This is his application. {Reads.) Name. John Doe. Age. Ninety-seven. Business. Nobody's. Reason for applying. To have an excuse to stay out nights. Financial condition. Good, but all in his wife's name. King. Lord High Executioner, prepare the ballot-box. Officers and princes of the Court of Punk, remember that this is a serious occasion and cast your ballots with due de- liberation. (Lord High Executioner takes box from table and passes it to King, 7vho drops cnbe.) Remember that one cube rejects and three balls elect. (Lord High Exe- cutioner passes the box and all drop cubes. Returns to throne and drops box in handing it to the King.) Pick them up. Where are the balls ? L. H. E. There are none, — and there were not enough cubes to go around. King. Then, in view of the abundance of cubes and the A ROYAL INITIATION I5 entire absence of <* spheres," we will lay {candidate' s name) under the table until the next meeting, when at least one of his friends may be present, that is, if he has one, to give him a ball, — out of compliment. (Lord High Exe- cutioner puts box back 07i the table. Moves up c. Can- didate now kfiocks at door, L.) Hark, a sound 1 hear. L. H. E. Did you ever hear a ''silence"? King. It is a knock. L. H. E. This is a great town for knockers. King. It is a knock on the door. L. H. E. Where should it be ? On the roof? King. Cut out the funny stuff. See who it is who dares to disturb the dignity of this serious assembly. L. H. E. Probably it is {local name). He would disturb the dignity of a funeral. {Goes to door, l., kicks aside the brace, looks out and says, '■^ No ice to-day. ^^ Holds parley with Candidate, returns and advatices to throne.) Your Supreme Majesty, there is a Candidate without. King. Without what ? L. H. E. Brains, or he wouldn't be there. King. Is he without money ? L. H. E. He is. It is now in the hands of our Honor- able Supreme Treasurer. King. Did you search him thoroughly? L, H. E. He did not need to be searched. He says his wife did it before he left home. King. You may return and with the necessary assistance further prepare the Candidate for his reception. (Lord High Executioner goes outside, l., for moment, comes in and stands by the door. A hat, shoes, coat, vest, collar are passed through to him. Returfis with the7n to the throne.) L. H. E. I have here the greater part of the Candi- date's clothing. How shall I dispose of it ? King. Pass the hat. The Royal Director of Music can use the band. Let me see the coat. (Lord High Execu- tioner holds it up.) Looks as if he had been on a tear. L. H. E. Sire, to whom do you refer ? King. I did not exactly specify. If the coat fits, — put it on. (Lord High Executioner tries to put on the coat.) Stop ! What are you trying to do ? l6 A ROYAL INITIATION L. H. E. Put it on. How can I tell if the coat fits before I put it on ? I think its usefulness is in the past, anyway. King. "The past" is right. Give it to me, also the shoes. I can use them at the coming wedding of the Crown Prince. What shall we do with the " westcut " ? L. H. E. The "westcut"? Send it to the West, of course. But there yet remain the collar and tie. (Passes them up.) King. The collar looks somewhat discolored. {Holds up collar.') The tie is a rag. I'll heave them over among the rubber boots, old bottles and umbrellas in the palace back yard. (^Throws them behind him.) Return and fur- ther prepare the Candidate for his reception. (Lord High Executioner returns to door, l. Loud noises are heard. Lord High Executioner reiurtis with a bundle of clothing.) L. H. E. Here's all I could get off him, Your Majesty. King. He seems like a desperate character. • L. H. E. We'll soon fix that, Your Majesty. {Goes outside, L. A scream is heard, and Lord High Execu- tioner returns with a tooth held in a pair of gas pliers.) One of the Candidate's teeth, Sire. What shall I do with it ? King. Give it to me. We can raise three dollars on the crown. Crowns to the Crown, you know. Return and further prepare the Candidate for his reception. (Lord High Executioner goes to door, l., and returns with a bunch of false hair and a sfnall pill- box.) L. H. E. The Candidate's hair and beard, finger and toe nails. Sire. King. The hair will do to stuff a pillow for the royal couch and the Royal Architect can use the nails. (Lord High Executioner ^^^fj- out, l., and returns imme- diately. ) L. H. E. The Candidate is now prepared. King. Admit the Candidate as he is, and conduct him to the proper officers for inspection. (Lord High Execu- A ROYAL INITIATION 17 TIONER ^^oes out, L., a?iiil returns with Candidate. Candi- date is covered with a sheet. Two ' ' Guards ' ' follow the goatj which has lantern attached to tail. They advance a few feet.) Halt! Go back and wipe your feet. (Lord High Executioner dusts of CA'^mT>A:vE's feet with feather duster. They proceed a little further. ) Halt ! Wayfarer, who art thou ? L. H. E. {for Candidate). A weary pilgrim from a city of sobs and sadness. King. Where are you going? L. H. E. {singing). 1 don't know where I am going, but I'm on my way. King. What do you carry with you ? L. H. E. Only my nerve and a borrowed sheet. King. What are you looking for? L. H. E. Just a little friendly smile. King. Your answers are good and your journey through the Kingdom of Punk will not be unnecessarily impeded. I exact of you a serious promise that all the mysteries of the Royal Court of Punk which shall be revealed to you to-night shall be kept a secret within your breast, — or wherever you keep such things. Executioner, stand ready with the axe. Without any physical force or mental influence being ap- plied to you whatever, but entirely of your own volition, free of extraneous coercion or persuasion, — are you ready to make this promise? Guards, prepare the branding-iron. {Guards brandish tongs.') The proper officers will prepare the Candidate. (Lord High Executioner causes goat to be wheeled down c. and Candidate is required to face the throne^ both hands resting on goat's back. King advances down c. to Candidate, whose hands he clasps over goat.) Pronounce your name in full (if you are not too full to pro- nounce your name) and repeat after me : I, {local name), being of legal age of consent, sound disposing mind and believing myself at the point of death, — do scaredly promise, with all my own strength, — together with the strength of the sacred beast above whom I stand, that I will not expose the secret workings of this lodge to any man, woman, child, bird, beast, fish, flesh, fowl, insect, flower, vegetable or Bull Moose, excepting always my wife, who has ways of finding out everything for herself, if I don't tell her. 1 also covenant and agree to obey my superior ofiicers in l8 A ROYAL INITIATION this Royal Court of Punk with the same hearty respect and strict obedience which I give and accord to my mother-in- law. I also covenant and agree not to flirt with the wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, grandmother, great- grandmother, stepmother, or stenographer of a brother Prince of Punk, — unless the same be duly qualified. In case of my resigning, welching, squealing or backing down on this, my free will, act and deed, I will willingly and with repentant heart accept an awful punishment for luy horrid treachery. Yours truly. King. {local naf?ie), what is your one grand hope? Candidate. To get out of this alive. King. Have you aught of guilt upon your mind? Is your conscience clear? Candidate. Alas, it is not. King. What, then, do you most fear ? Candidate. Exposure. King. To teach you the vanity of mental desires, your fear shall be realized and your hope denied. Executioner, expose the Candidate and stand ready with the axe. (Lord High Executioner grasps the Candidate, who struggles. Lord High Executioner tears off sheet and mask, expos- ing Candidate /;/ ^' freak costume y^ Have no fear. You have passed the first great test and are now, in effect, a prince of the Royal Court of Punk. In order that you may recognize a brother should you meet him in your travels, 1 will now instruct you in certain signs by which the identifi- cation may be made certain. {Aside.) Executioner, re- move the goat. His further presence is not desired. (Lord High Executioner draws the goat up l. King continues with Candidate.) Stand back three paces, observe me closely, — and imitate. When you meet one whom you wish to hail as a brother Prince of Punk stop, — place your hands on the pit of your stomach, as if in pain, — bend low, exclaiming at the same time, '*0h ! " {Goes through the actions.) If he be a prince, he will immediately respond by striking himself a sharp blow, back of his right ear, with the right hand, — exclaiming at the same time, ''Be!" Just at this point be on your guard, for, if he be not a prince, he will be liable to strike you the sharp blow, — under A ROYAL INITIATION 19 the chin. Your response will be by waving your hat in a joyful manner above your head, saying at the same time, ''Jolly." Then you will both repeat in unison, "Oh, be Jolly." Having given the signs, dash around the block until in a violent perspiration. If you will then stand in front of an open window for a few minutes you will get the grippe. Lord High Executioner, Errand Boy and Con- ductor, you may accompany the Candidate on the next stage of his journey, which will be to the Honorable Prime Minister and Royal Surgeon, — for the medical examination. (Lord High Executioner secures s:;oat mid leads the pro- cession, passing first to Prince of Jolliers.) P. O. J. Halt ! Proceed no further. Your tail-light is extinguished. Here is a match. {Hands Lord High Executioner match to light lanter?i on rear of goat. ^ I confiscate the beast in the name of the law. L. H. E. {to Candidate). There ! I told you they'd get your goat. {Proceeds with procession and Candidate to Honorable Prime Minister, leaving goat ttp l.) H. P. M. In accordance with my duty as Royal Surgeon in this Court of Punk, it is now necessary that I subject you to a rigid examination — principally directed to ascertaining the exact physiological condition of your five senses. You may cross to the other side of the room. (Candidate goes dowfi L. Honorable Prime Minister holds up test card.^ Can you read those letters? {Cai^bid ate fails to read.) Step nearer. (Candidate approaches two-thirds and still fails.^ Come here. (Candidate comes to sta?id in front of Honorable Prime Minister and still fails. Honora- ble Prime Minister then holds card agaifist Candidate's nose, but he still is ufiable to read. ) I will give you one more chance; cross to the other side of the room. (Hon- orable Prime Minister holds up a dollar bill.) What is that? Candidate. A dollar bill. H. P. M. What is the number? Candidate. 533,432,789. H. P. M. Correct; your sight is good enough for all practical purposes. I never saw a man who couldn't tell a 20 A ROYAL INITIATION dollar bill in the dark. Executioner, advance with the Can- didate. I wish to test his hearing. (Candidate adva?ices R. Honorable Prime Minister blows a horn in Candi- date's ^^r.) Can you hear that? Candidate. No. H. P. M. {blowifig horn in other ear). Can you hear that ? Candidate. No. H. P. M. {in ordinary to?ie). What's " yours " ? Candidate. Well, a httle of the same, if you please. H. P. M. *' Hearing" is good, after all. {Strikes the Candidate a sharp blow.) Did you ''feel" that? Candidate. Pd show you if 1 had you outside. H. P. M. You don't feel very good, but Pll let you pass. (^Hands a clove to Candidate.) Eat that ; what is it ? Candidate. A clove. H. P. M. Is the taste familiar? Candidate. It is not ; 1 never ate one before. H. P. M. How did you recognize it ? Candidate. By the pictures in the botany. H. P. M. Taste is good. I now present you with this piece of Limberger cheese. What does it smell like ? Candidate. Like a rat ten days old. Try it. H. P. M. Your ''smell " is good, but it won't be for a week. You have now passed tlie medical test with satisfac- tion to me, and, we trust, with some benefit to yourself. Proceed on your journey. (Lord High Executioner leads Candidate to throne.) King. You have proved yourself to be sound in body, but a sound body is of little use unless it harbors a sound mind. You will be reconducted to the Honorable Prime Minister, where a mental test consisting of several different problems which you must correctly answer will be required of you. (Candidate moved up stage in front of the Honorable Prime Minister.) H. P. M. In accordance with my further duties as Prime Minister and Chief Inquisitor in this Royal Court of Punk, it is incumbent upon me that I ask you, — How old was Anne? Candidate. I don't know. I never asked her. Unusually Good Entertainments Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program GRADUATION DAY AT W^OOD HILL SCHOOL. An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six males and four females, with several minor parts. Time of playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unvisual com- bination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations, etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruptions,' and a comical speech by a country school trustee^ Price, 15 cents. EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry a trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims the teacher. Very easy and very effective. Price, 15 cents. BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four male and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively with- out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk in a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and decides to try his fortunes in New York. The last scene is in Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. Price, 15 cents. THE DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- numeraries may be added. Plays forty-live minutes. No special scenery is required, and the costumes and properties are all easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every part will make a hit. Price, 15 cents. SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Entertainment in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. Plays one hour. Interior scane, or may be played without set scenery. Costumes, modern. The rehearsal for an entertain- ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted to almost any place or occasion. Price, 15 cents. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Unusually Good Entertainments Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- tertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By the author of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hill School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers have planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently graduated from college. They all join in jolly games, songs, conundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. Price, 15 cents^ JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple interior ; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel features, unusual characters and quick action. Nearly every character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There are many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. Price, 15 cents. THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humorous characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. Price, 15 cents. THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eighteen males and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost any number of good parts. Price, 15 cents. THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enter- tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen females and one male. The male part may be played by a female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery nor properties, and very little in the w^ay of costumes. Can easily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. Price, 25 cents. BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males and ten females, with supers. . Interior scene. Costumes, mod- ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situations which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid-fire fun from start to finish. Price, 15 cents. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Successful Plays for All Girls In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List YOUNG DOCTOR DEVINE. A Farce in Two Acts, by Mrs. E. J. H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular plays for girls. For nine female characters. Time in playing, thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod- ern costumes. Girls in a boarding-school, learning that a young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- sult each other as to the manner of fascinating the physician. When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that the physician is a female practitioner. Price, 15 cents. SISTER MASONS. A Burlesque in One Act, by Frank DuMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, fantastic gowns, or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose of Masonry. Some women profess to learn the secrets of a Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep, and they institute a similar organization. Price, 15 cents. A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time, one hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street scene. Marian Young gets tired living^ with her aunt, Miss Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position." Marian tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. Price, 15 cents. HOW A WOMAN KEEPS A SECRET. A Comedy in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters. Time, half an hour. Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another friend and so the secret travels. Price, 15 cents. THE OXFORD AFFAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish an evening of rare enjoyment. Price 15 cents. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Ihe Power oi iiiiif Mi Expression and efficiency go han _^ The power of clear and forceful e.vpi^^^.^-- ^29 g^ dcnce and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public discussion, in society, in business. It is an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can often be turned into money, but it is always a real joy. In learning to express thought, we learn to command thought itself, and thought is power. You can have this power if you will. Whoever has the power of clear expression is always sure of himself. The power of expression leads to: The ability to think "on your feet" Successful public speaking Effective recitals The mastery over other minds Social prominence Business success Efficiency in any undertaking Are these things worth while? They are all successfully taught at The National School of Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has de- veloped this power in hundreds of men and women. A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these accomplishments may be attained will be sent free on request. THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY Parkway Building Philadelphia