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 The Professor 
 
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PROF. GRINDEM: 
 
 His CommGiicement* 
 
 A PUAV 
 
 In Three Acts, and an Epilogue. 
 
 H. REA WOODMAN, M. A. 
 
 Author of "The Sweet Girl Graduates" and 
 
 "She Organized A Club." 
 
 COPYRIGHT. 1907 
 BY REA WOODMAN. 
 
 PUBLISHED BY 
 
 ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE. 
 FRA.NUI.IN, OHIO. 
 

 (DEDICATION) 
 
 Again — and yet again — to my dear Boys and Girls of the 
 
 Class of 1902, with my undiminished affection. 
 
SYNOPSIS. 
 
 ACT I The Hallway of the Grindem Home, Mon- 
 day VJorning, June 3rd, at 10 o'clock. 
 "Well we'll take up these troubles one at 
 a time " 
 
 ACT II The Office of Professor Grindem, Rafton 
 High School. Wednesday Morning, June 
 5th. Mt 9 o clock. 
 
 "When's our time coming? I'm getting 
 gray-headed ! " 
 
 ACT III The Stage of the Duval Theater, Thurs- 
 day Afternoon. June 6th, at 4 o'clock, 
 "Yes Galliger it's been a hard week!" 
 
 EPILOGUE The Library of the Grindem Home, Fri- 
 day Morning. 
 
 The innocent sleep 
 Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of 
 care, 
 
 sore labour's bath, 
 Bilm of hurt minds, great nature's sec- 
 ond course " 
 
CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY. 
 
 Professor John Grindem, Principal of the Rafton High 
 School. 
 A busy man who does the work of ten. 
 
 Mrs. Martha Morton Grindem, His wife. 
 
 Who knows "very little about the school, really." 
 
 Mrs. William Morton, His Mother-in-Law 
 
 Who has never visited "Dear John" before. 
 
 Professor Marram Wright, His Assistant. 
 Who is scholarly and absent-minded. 
 
 <jrALLi6ER GuRDY, A Black Sheep, likewise "A Special." 
 
 Margaret Woodward, otherwise 'B^tbe,' a Freshman. 
 
 Mr. Frank Sawyer, President of the Graduating Class. 
 
 Bessie Tapping Class Historian. 
 
 Miss Millicent Cameron, (from Philadelphia) A Favor- 
 ite Pupil. 
 
 Mame Hensell, a Junior, Leading Lady in "She Stoops 
 to Conquer." 
 
 Miss Sophia Spalding, Teacher of Elocution 
 
 J. P. Thompson, Esq., President of the Board of Educa- 
 tion. 
 
 Mary, the Maid. 
 
 Carpenters, Messengers, Florists, and Attendants. 
 
Act 1. 
 
 Frank : 
 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank : 
 
 Babe 
 
 (Halhvay of the Gridcm Home, Mon- 
 day morning, June 3d, at 10 o'clock. 
 A stack of papers on the side table, an- 
 other on the hall rack. The front door 
 being open, through the screen door 
 one can see the piazza and open sky. 
 Mr. Frank Sawyer is discovered, 
 reading. ) 
 
 (After reading a bit in silence, he con- 
 sults watch.) Ten o'clock, and I got 
 a date at half -past ! 
 (A step on the piazza,- and 'Babe' 
 Woodzvard, in beflowered hat, appears 
 at the screen door, opens it wide, and 
 comes in.) 
 
 Hello, Babe ! What are you doing 
 here? 
 
 {picking up fan and fanning vigor- 
 ously) Want to see Professor right 
 ofif about the Hall. Galliger says the 
 Glee Club has it for Wednesday night. 
 My, it's hot ! 
 
 {running through the leaves of the 
 magazine idly) Got it for what? 
 
 {peeling off her long gloves) Wed- 
 nesday night. 
 
 Got it for zvhat, I said, not for when. 
 The Glee Club's tonight. 
 
 That's what I told Galliger, but he said 
 he guessed he knew, as he made all 
 their dates. 
 
 Maybe they've changed it. Galliger 
 ought to know. What do you want 
 with the Hall? 
 
 {beginning to reverse the lingers of her 
 gloves) It's hot enough for August, I 
 declare! I've been 'way down to the 
 
 (5) 
 
Frank 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 
 Frank : 
 Babe: 
 
 Duval, and I'm most melted ! It's 
 Wright that's got us so mixed. If he'd 
 let things alone — always wanting to do 
 everything, and then forgetting what 
 he's done ! He told Bob Martin that 
 we could have it, and Bob engaged 
 it and paid for it. Awfully expensive, 
 too, I think. Everybody says fifteen 
 dollars is too much, and five for light. 
 The lighting ought to be counted in, 
 don't you think? Bob says — 
 
 (patiently) What do you want with 
 the Hall,'l said? 
 
 (fanning zvith vigor) It's awful hot! 
 I bet I look like a fright. I'm on the 
 Freshman Committee for the Junior 
 play, you know. 
 
 I don't see how you kids get in the 
 Junior play. 
 
 Where have you been all your life? 
 The Freshmen always engage the hall 
 and do the decorating for the Junior 
 Play — make all the arrangements. Has 
 it been a million years since you were 
 a Freshman, Mr. Sawyer? 
 
 (zvith cold dignity) All we did when I 
 was a Freshman was to usher. 
 
 (zvith crushing scorn) I suppose that is 
 all you were capable of doing! But 
 he'll have to settle it. 
 
 Who? 
 
 Professor Grindem. 
 
 He isn't here. 
 
 (looking 
 Here? 
 
 a r u n d apprehensively) 
 
 I don't mean under the table ! He's 
 ofif somewhere — a Board meeting, I 
 think Mrs. Grindem said. 
 
 (smoothing out her gloz'cs) Is she at 
 home ? 
 
 (6) 
 
Frank: (taking up one of her gloves) Yes. 
 She cut through here a while ago look- 
 ing like a fright in a green kiroma. 
 
 Babe: (dimpling) Kimona you mean. Give 
 me my glove! (snatches for it). 
 
 Frank: (putting it into his pocket) Oh, I 
 don't know ! I'm making a collection. 
 
 Babe: Yes, you are! A collection of one, I 
 reckon ! Give me my glove ! 
 (Galliger Gurdy appears at the screen 
 door.) 
 Galliger: (through the door) Hello! Grindem 
 in, my early birds? 
 
 Babe: No, not just this minute. He will be 
 back shortly. 
 
 Galliger: (comes into the room, bozvs lozv, hand 
 on heart) Ah, an unexpected pleasure! 
 Mr. President and The Infant, pert 
 and pinky, frivolous and flirtatious ! I 
 come hither, friends, with news. 
 
 Babe: What? Galliger, make him give me 
 my glove ! 
 
 Galliger: (sits on the corner of the table) My 
 dear Infant, who am I that I should 
 succor distressed beauty? I come not 
 here to talk. Where's Grindem ? 
 
 Frank : (' opens a magazine and begins to read) 
 He's at the office. 
 
 Babe : You told me he was at a Board meet- 
 ing. 
 
 Frank: (reading) He's probably bored 
 wherever he is. 
 
 Galliger: Most probably. If he's at a Board 
 meeting, what are you waiting for? 
 
 Frank: (yazming) Grindem. 
 
 Gaines, (stoops to pick up papers) 
 
 Babe: Galliger, who's President of the Glee 
 Club? 
 Galliger : (getting up, thereby upsetting papers) 
 (7) 
 
Gaines, {stoops to pick up papers) 
 Examination papers, by George ! Eng- 
 lish History! 
 
 Babe: (assisting) Are they marked? 
 
 Galliger : No, he won't get to that till next sum- 
 mer! (heaps them on the table in a 
 tumbled mass) I'd bvirn 'em, and give 
 us all one hundred. 
 
 Babe : I thought you said you made the dates 
 for the Glee Club? 
 
 Galliger : So I did, and so I do. Gaines is Presi- 
 dent; I am Manager. I do the work; 
 he does the stunts; I get the knocks, 
 he gets the glory. I'm off if Grindem 
 isn't here, (takes up his cap.) 
 
 Babe: (with a fascinating smile) But he's 
 coming. Besides, I want to know — 
 
 Galliger : So is Emancipation Day ! I've got to 
 see him right away. The push isn't 
 going to the reception if he doesn't 
 change the date. 
 
 Frank: (looking up from magazine) What 
 push? 
 
 Galliger: The Rafton Reds. That's the night 
 of- our banquet and we won't post- 
 pone it. 
 
 Frank: (coldly) Well, I guess that won't stop 
 the reception. That's the regular time 
 for the Senior Reception, and the Reds 
 knew it. They ought to have made 
 other arrangements. 
 
 Babe: But the Reds ought to be there, I 
 think, 
 
 (Bessie Tapping steps briskly up to 
 the screen door, opens it, and bounces 
 into the room.) 
 
 Bessie: (dropping several things) Where's 
 Professor? I'm mighty glad to see 
 you, Frank Sawyer! If you want a 
 decent history of this class, why don't 
 
 (8) 
 
Galliger : 
 Babe: 
 Frank ; 
 
 Bessie : 
 
 Babe: 
 Galliger : 
 
 Bessie : 
 Galliger : 
 
 Bessie : 
 
 Babe: 
 
 Galliger : 
 Babe: 
 
 you help me get it up? And now 
 they want it in verse! Why didn't 
 they say so six weeks ago ! And I 
 can't find half the people! I can't just 
 giicss where they were born and what 
 color of hair their mothers had ! Here 
 I've been chasing around all day 
 
 The day is young. 
 
 Sit down, dear. Your hat's on crooked. 
 
 (yazvning) Yes, sit down, and let the 
 course of empire take its way west- 
 ward ! 
 
 (sitting on the very edge of a stiff 
 chair) Do you want 'em arranged in 
 chronological order, or don't you? 
 
 (commences to sort loose pages of 
 manuscript.) 
 
 Of course. Who ever heard of his- 
 tory that wasn't chronological ? 
 
 (taking a box of candy from his 
 pocket) Yes, J. Csesar was born be- 
 fore G. Washington. It was his good 
 fortune. G. Washington would have 
 wiped the earth up with him. Will the 
 Infant partake of chocolate creams, or 
 has she forsworn? 
 
 (preparing to write) When did your 
 father come West, Frank? 
 
 Have some candy, Bess. Why this 
 unwonted activity? Frank's father 
 was an honest man — so far as we 
 know. 
 
 The history isn't half done, and I'm 
 going to ask Professor Grindem — 
 
 (nibbling a cream absently) Galliger^ 
 when's the Glee Club? 
 
 (bolting a chocolate) Tonight. 
 
 (indignantly) You said it wasn't, and 
 Professor Wright said 
 
 (9) 
 
Galliger : Well it wasn't then. We had to change 
 it. Why? 
 
 Babe: Why, we've hired the Hall for Wed- 
 nesday night, paid for it and every- 
 thing, and the Websters have hired it 
 and paid for it, and they said the Glee 
 Club told them 
 
 Galliger: (cheerfully, bolting another choco- 
 late) They're off ! We never told them 
 anything. The Glee Club's tonight at 
 the Duval. I guess I ought to know. 
 We had to take the Duval ; Everett 
 Hall is too small, you know. 
 
 Babe: Indeed! I suppose you expect the 
 whole town to turn out? 
 
 Frank: It all comes of letting the Freshies 
 run the Junior Play ! 
 
 Bessie: (looking up from her zvriting) Where 
 was Fanny Farren born? 
 
 Galliger : Give it up. Next ! 
 
 Babe: Are you going to put their ages in? I 
 wouldn't'stand for that ! 
 
 Bessie: How did you earn your first money, 
 Frank, and what's your father's poli- 
 tics? 
 
 (A timid step is heard, the door opens, 
 and Professor Wright steps into the 
 room with extreme circumspection.) 
 
 Babe: (flies at him) Professor, did you tell 
 
 Bob Martin- 
 Bessie (flies at him, scattering papers) Do 
 
 you think. Professor, the History 
 
 ought to rhyme, or not? 
 
 Frank: (rising formally) Professor Grindem 
 isn't here, Professor. Won't you sit 
 down? 
 
 Wright: Thank you, Frank. Where is — er, 
 good morning, young ladies.. 
 
 Babe: (meekly) Good morning, Professor. It 
 (10) 
 
is very wami, isn't it? Let me take 
 your hat. Would you like a fan? 
 
 Wright : No, I thank you, I never fan a use— I 
 mean, use a fan. 
 
 Babe: (szvectly) It is very refreshing on a 
 warm day. Let me fan you. I want to 
 ask you if you told Bob Martin 
 
 Bessie: (hauling her chair close to him) Good 
 morning, Professor. I think blank 
 verse is good enough, don't you? Do 
 you, or don't you? And would you 
 say the same things about every one? 
 Or would you just make up things? 
 Would you, or wouldn't you? 
 Galliger : It will be blank enough, I'll wager ! 
 
 Wright: (gasing helplessly at Bessie) What — 
 er, — to what do you have reference, 
 Miss Tapping? Thank you, Miss 
 Woodward, I am not warm. 
 
 Babe : Oh, I like to fan people. 
 Bessie : (rustling among her papers) The Class 
 History. 
 
 Babe: It doesn't matter what you say in a 
 Class History, do you think so. Pro- 
 fessor? Nobody amounts to anything 
 special at eighteen. 
 
 Frank: (loftily) Speak for yourself, Mar- 
 garet Woodward! Because you have 
 not accomplished anything doesn't sig- 
 nify 
 
 Babe: (serenely) Now, Professor, you see it 
 — oh, won't you have a piece of 
 candy? Those flat, square ones are 
 very nice. I've got to know what you 
 did about that Hall. You told Bob 
 Martin 
 
 Galliger: Bob Martin never remembers what 
 he's told over night! 
 
 Wright: (dejectedly, looking from one to the 
 other) Yqs, Miss. Woodward, I am — 
 
 (11) 
 
Babe: 
 
 Wright 
 Babe: 
 
 Wright 
 
 Babe 
 
 Wright : 
 
 Babe: 
 
 Wright : 
 
 Frank 
 
 Babe 
 
 Frank 
 
 er — all attention. I am only — er — too 
 happy to serve you. 
 
 (beginning with great precision)There 
 seems to be a mistake somewhere. Let 
 me explain the matter to you exactly 
 as it is. You remember, you told Bob 
 Martin 
 
 (dejectedly, but earnestly) Yes, Miss 
 Woodward. 
 
 You told Bab Martin that we could 
 have the Hall for Wednesday night, 
 and you told the Webster Club the 
 same thing. And we hired it and paid 
 for it and so did the Websters. Now, 
 who is to have it? 
 
 What hall, Miss Woodward? My — er 
 — memory does not serve me. I do 
 not remember to have held a conver- 
 sation with Mr. Robert Martin rela- 
 tive to any halls or 
 
 Everett Hall. You remember. Bob 
 came to you last Sunday night — a 
 week ago, at your boarding house. 
 You were at supper. You excused 
 yourself, and came out into the hall. 
 
 You are correct. Mr. Robert Martin 
 did call upon me about 6 o'clock one 
 Sunday evening. He was in a hurry, 
 and it was not perfectly clear to me at 
 the time precisely what — 
 
 But he 'phoned to you the next day. 
 
 Oh, he did? 
 
 (interposing firmly) You see, Profes- 
 sor, it is this way. The Juniors give 
 their play Wednesday night, and they 
 want the Everett Hall 
 
 We cannot afford the Duval, you 
 know. 
 
 As they cannot afford the Duval, and 
 you told them it was — 
 
 (1-2) 
 
Babe : No, you told Bob Martin it was ■ 
 
 (A heavy tread is heard on the piazza, 
 and J. P. Thompson, Esq., appears at 
 the screen door. Everybody stiffens.) 
 
 Thompson: (opening the door, and looking into 
 the room) Is Professor Grindem at 
 honie? (looks very attentively at Babe) 
 
 Galliger: (in confusion) No, he's — he's at the 
 Board meeting. 
 
 Thompson : (severely) Young man, are you try- 
 ing to be funny? Do you know 
 who I am? 
 
 Galliger: (limply) You are Mister Thompson. 
 
 Thompson: (largely) I am J. P. Thompson, Esq., 
 President of the Board of Education. 
 Professor Grindem is not at the Board 
 meeting. No one knows that so well 
 as I, I venture to state. We have been 
 waiting for Professor Grindem one 
 hour, young man, exactly one hour. 
 
 Galliger: (blankly) You have? 
 
 Babe : (gracefully coming forzvard) Mrs. 
 Grindem is at home, Mr. Thompson. 
 Shall I tell her you are here? 
 
 Wright: (rising and going to Mr. Thompson) 
 Professor Grindem was unavoidably 
 detained at the office this morning, Mr. 
 Thompson. Permit me to explain. 
 
 Thompson : Certainly, Professor. I shall be most 
 happy, (he bows to Babe) Let us 
 proceed to the building, Professor. 
 
 (They go together.) 
 
 Frank: (after a silence) Wright's a brick! 
 
 Galliger: I'm a chump! 
 
 Babe : You certainly are ! What made you 
 say that — of all things? 
 
 Bessie: Yes, of all things on earth! You might 
 have known what was up. 
 
 (13) 
 
Frank: If poor old Grindem u playing hookey 
 you oughtn't to peach ! 
 
 Babe: He isn't playing hookey. Somebody's 
 waylaid him. 
 
 Galliger: (distressfully) Do you think I gave 
 him a black eye ? Great Scott, I'm 
 sorry ! 
 
 Babe : (soothingly) Don't you mind. J. P. 
 Thompson, Esquire (imitating his 
 voice and manner) knows Professor 
 can't be in ten places at once. Pro- 
 fessor Wright'll fix it all up. You 
 know he's death on explanations. 
 
 Galliger : Wright's a brick ! He can have a slice 
 of my pie. 
 
 (A messenger boy appears at the 
 screen door, mopping his face.) 
 
 Boy : Grindem in ? 
 
 Galliger: No, what do you want? 
 
 Boy : Do you know where he's at ? 
 Frank: No. What do you want? 
 
 Boy: Grindem! (disappears at one bound.) 
 
 Frank: I would't blame "Prof." for hiding 
 under the barn ! 
 
 Galliger : Nor I ! But they'd crawl under after 
 him. 
 
 Bessie: (looking up from her zvriting} Do any 
 of you know where Jack Huntoon was 
 born? And say, is Dan Thurston's 
 father a lawyer, or what? 
 
 Frank: (taking up his hat and small roll of 
 MS.) Put him down "Or What." Gal- 
 liger, you tell "Prof." that I— 
 
 (There is a step and Professor Grind- 
 em ivalks to the door, opens it, and 
 comes in. They all rise, Bessie drop- 
 ping several things.) 
 
 Grindem: Good morning. (smiles somewhat 
 ■ci.'unty, and goes to the Jiat rack.) it 
 
 (14) 
 
Bessie : 
 
 Babe: 
 Frank ; 
 
 Mary: 
 
 Grindem : 
 Mary: 
 
 Grindem : 
 Mary: 
 
 Grindem : 
 Mary: 
 
 is a beautiful morning, (takes off his 
 gloves and hangs tip his hat.) But it is 
 warm for June, (turns around) Do 
 you wish to speak to me? (looks at 
 each in turn.) 
 
 Yes, Professor, I want to know what 
 you think about writing the History 
 
 Did you promise the Webster Club 
 that they might have 
 
 (with Senior dignity) I called to ask 
 if you consider Ball's arguments 
 
 (Enter Mary.) 
 
 Perfessor, there was a 'phone call just 
 after you left. I wrote it down (gives 
 bit of paper). And Mr. MacMaster's 
 man came with the wood, and Mr. 
 Fletcher sent word that if you want 
 them boxes 
 
 (taking up his mail and running over 
 the letters) What wood? 
 
 The wood Mr. MasMaster's man 
 brought. He said it was the best they 
 had. 
 
 (studying the superscription of a let- 
 ter) I didn't order any wood. What 
 are you talking about? 
 
 The wood Mr. MacMaster's man 
 brought. Mrs. Grindem was busy, so 
 I — I just let him put it in the cellar. 
 
 You did? (opens a letter) Well, he'll 
 have to take it out of the cellar, (reads 
 with knitted brows.) 
 
 Yes, sir. And Mr. Fletcher says if you 
 want them boxes you must send over 
 this afternoon. And that telephone 
 man wanted you to ring him up right 
 away, he said. It's very important. 
 (Grindem reads, unhearing.) Did you 
 hear, Professor? 
 
 (15) 
 
Grindem: (looking up ivith a start) Eh? I said 
 he'd have to take it out of the cellar. 
 
 Mary: I said that the man that telephoned 
 you 
 
 Grindem: Yes, yes, Mary, I'll see to the man. 
 {Mary goes.) Now, (he lozvcrs the 
 letter sloivly) you were saying, Gal- 
 liger, 
 
 Galliger: I have been appointed a committee of 
 
 one to ask you if you will make a 
 
 short address tonight for the Glee 
 
 . Club, Professor. You know it's our 
 
 first public concert. 
 
 Grindem: Yes, I see. And you, Miss Bessie? 
 
 Bessie: (shoving back her hat zvith agitation) 
 I can't get started on this Class His- 
 tory! I've tried a dozen times. I 
 thought if you would help me get a 
 start, you know 
 
 Grindem: (gazing at her absently) A good start 
 is very important. What is your 
 trouble, Frank? 
 
 Frank: It's about my oration. I am afraid 
 some of it isn't right — cannot be 
 proved. Ball says that if the atmos- 
 phere of Mars is 
 
 Babe: Oh, is your oration about Mars? I've 
 been dying to know ! Jack said it was 
 scientific ! 
 
 Frank: (straightening up) It is scientific! If 
 the hypothesis that Mars is inhabited 
 isn't scientific 
 
 Galliger: (grinning) And idealistic and mono- 
 theistic and philosophic 
 
 Grindem: And what did you want to see me 
 about, Miss Margaret? 
 
 Babe: (with engaging dignity) Why, Pro- 
 fessor, it is too bad to trouble you, but 
 we are in all kinds of difficulty about 
 
 (16) 
 
the Junior play. Things are awfully 
 mixed. 
 
 Galliger: (nodding) Yes, all wrinkled up like 
 I7gg_0-See! (Grindem only looks at 
 Babe gravely.) 
 
 Babe : We have hired Everett Hall for Wed- 
 nesday night and paid for it, and 
 everything, and so have the Websters. 
 They won't give up, and we have to 
 have it, that's all. Professor Wright 
 told Bob Martin— 
 
 Galliger: (scornfully) Don't you know Bob 
 Martin? He gets everything upside 
 down and backwards. 
 
 Grindem: (sinks into a chair) Never mind about 
 that now. What did Wright tell Bob? 
 
 Babe: He told Bob we could have it sure. 
 I suppose he forgot he had promised. 
 
 Grindem: (patiently) 'We?' 
 
 Babe: The Juniors, I mean. You know the 
 Freshmen do the decorating for the 
 Junior play this year, — make all the 
 arrangements, and Bob is chairman of 
 the committee. They are blaming us 
 for getting into this scrape and it isn't 
 our fault. If Professor Wright hadn't 
 told Bob— 
 
 Grindem : Oh, I see. Well, we'll have to take up 
 these troubles one at a time. (Rises, 
 gathering up mail, papers, and a book 
 or tzvo.) Come into the study, all of 
 you in turn. What did you say you 
 wanted, Galliger? 
 
 Galliger: (fingering his cap) Want you to make 
 a speech to-night. At the Glee Club. 
 Only a few words about the Club, you 
 know; pat us on the back. At the 
 Duval at 8 o'clock. You needn't stay 
 for the stunts of you haven't tirne, 
 but we couldn't have anybody else in- 
 troduce us, you know. 
 
 (17) 
 
Grindem: (walking towards an inner door) All 
 right, Galliger. I'll try to say a few 
 words. But I may not be able to stay 
 for the program. 
 
 Galliger: (turning at the screen door) That'll 
 be all right, Professor. We'll under- 
 stand. I wanted to ask you about the 
 Red's banquet, but you are in a 
 
 hurry — 
 
 Grindem: (anxiously) What's the matter with 
 their banquet? 
 
 Galliger : Well, you see, sir, you've put the Sen- 
 ior reception the same night as the 
 Red's banquet, and the fellows are 
 kicking. 
 
 Grindem : I did ! 
 
 Galliger: But we can fix it; don't mind about 
 us. The Reds don't want to balk the 
 procession, and we'll fix it up O. K. 
 
 Grindem: I can't think how I made such a mis- 
 take. Well, you come in and see me — 
 let me see — let me see. Come at 2 
 o'clock, and we'll see what can be 
 done. And tell the boys I didn't 
 mean — 
 
 Galliger: They know you didn't, Trof.' That's 
 all right; that's all right. We can 
 fix it up. (goes.) 
 
 Grindem : Now, whoever's waited the longest 
 come first, (goes, through the inner 
 door.) 
 
 Babe: That's you, Frank. 
 
 Frank: (apologetically) Well, I'm in such an 
 awful hurry, if you don't really 
 mind — 
 
 Babe: (waving him aivay) Go ahead. It's 
 my turn next. (Frank goes.) . . . 
 Bess, you'll have writers' paralysis! 
 
 Bessie: (without looking up) I'll have worse 
 than that if I don't get this done. 
 
 (18) 
 
Babe: (taking box of chocolates and settling 
 herself comfortably) It'll be a long 
 wait if it's his oration. . . . I'm 
 glad Galliger had the presence of mind 
 to bring something to eat. ... At 
 least there can't any Websters get 
 at him till I do! (falls into a zvide- 
 eycd retrospection.) 
 
 (19) 
 
Act II. 
 
 Grindem 
 
 Miss S. : 
 Grindem 
 
 Miss S.: 
 
 Grindem 
 
 Miss S. 
 
 Grindem 
 
 {The office of Professor Grindem, 
 Rafton High School, Wedensday 
 morning, June 5, at 9 o'clock. A row 
 of plain chairs stand against a side 
 wall, "Audience Row," zvhere people 
 sit while waiting 'an audience" with 
 Professor Grindem.. Enter the Pro- 
 fessor, hands full of letters and a 
 neivspaper. He takes off his hat and 
 coat, hangs them up on the zvall, puts 
 on a thin alpaca coat, and seats him- 
 self at his desk, ivhistling cheerfully. 
 Enter, presently. Miss Sophia Spald- 
 ing. 
 
 (ivithoitt looking up from his letter) 
 Good morning. 
 
 (airily) Good morning, Professor. 
 
 (rising hastily) Ah, Miss Spalding, I 
 am glad to see you. Will you be 
 seated ? 
 
 (drazvs a chair near the desk) I wish, 
 Professor, to consult you in regard 
 to the arrangement of the stage in Act 
 V. It is, as you know, a very difficult 
 thing with our limited resources, to 
 present these old English plays with 
 anything like adequate effect. 
 
 But, my dear Miss Spalding, I know 
 nothing of the Junior play. I have 
 left the matter to you absolutely. 
 
 (affably) Hut when I have told you 
 about it you will know. I propose to 
 put the situation, the dramatic situa- 
 tion, clearly before you. Now, the 
 incident, briefly stated, is this : Tony 
 Lumpkin, having hoodwinked his 
 mother, Mrs. Hardcastle — 
 
 itwisti)ig nncasily) But Professor 
 Wright will know what to do with- 
 out any explanation. You had better 
 consult with him. 
 (20) 
 
Miss S. : (zi'ith graceful reproach) No one 
 knows so well as you, Professor. How 
 could we do without your advice and 
 counsel? You grasp things so quick- 
 ly — so easily ! It is no wonder that 
 we all come straight to you. A word 
 — a hint — and all is clear, all goes 
 smoothly again. We could not — 
 
 Grindem: {glancing at his letters) You were 
 saying, Miss Spalding, that Tony 
 Lumpkin — 
 
 Miss S. : (leoni)ig back comfortably, and open- 
 ing a tiny fan) It is really a very 
 warm morning. Yes, I was going to 
 present the dramatic situation. Tony 
 Lumpkin, who, you know, is the broad 
 comedian, has made his mother be- 
 lieve — 
 
 (Enter Babe, Woodzvard, looking up- 
 set and indignant.) 
 
 Babe: Professor, what do you think? The 
 Sophomores want to present their 
 flowers — 
 
 Grindem: {blandly, zvaving her aside) Have a 
 seat. Miss Woodward. I am consult- 
 ing with Miss Spalding now. 
 
 Babe : Oh, I beg your pardon. Professor, but 
 I am so worried ! It is too late to 
 change everything and the Juniors 
 won't listen to reason. They say it's 
 not fair — 
 
 Grindem : Have a seat, Miss Woodward. You 
 were saying. Miss Spalding — ? (Babe 
 sits dozvn in "Audience Rozv.") 
 
 Miss S. : Where were we? Oh, yes; Tony 
 Lumpkin, who is the funny man — 
 
 (The door bursts open and Galliger 
 Gurdy rushes in, in baseball togs.) 
 
 Galliger : I say, "Prof." the Centerville Cham- 
 pions have challenged the Rafton 
 Reds at last ! Hurrah for us ! 
 
 (21) 
 
Grindem : That's good ! That's good ! I told you 
 to wait ! When did it come ? 
 
 Galliger: Got it this morning through the mail. 
 I tell you what I think. That manager 
 of theirs, what's his name — Murry, — 
 why he got to sizing things up and he 
 realized that the Reds — 
 
 Miss S.: (coldly) Tony Lumpkin has made his 
 mother think that they are — 
 
 Galliger: Beg pardon. Aliss Spalding, I didn't 
 think. But it's got to be settled right 
 away. One cannot put off accepting a 
 challenge, you know. 
 
 Miss S. : But / am consulting Professor Grin- 
 dem now. 
 
 Babe: {firmly) And I come next. My busi- 
 ness simply cannot wait. Dan must 
 know so he can fix his speech, though 
 I don't think it's fair to make him 
 fix it! 
 
 Grindem: Sit down, Galliger. I'll see you in a 
 minute. Yes, the challenge ought to 
 to be answered immediately. I knew 
 it would come. I said so all along. 
 Did they set any time? 
 
 Galliger: {sitting down beside Babe) Time? 
 You mean limit ? 
 
 Grindem : No ; time for the game. 
 
 Miss S. : {archly) You're a boy again, Pro- 
 fessor, when it comes to baseball ! 
 
 Grindem : Well, the boys have worked faith- 
 fully this year, and they deserve en- 
 couragement. 
 
 Babe : Oh, of course ! Alzvays the boys ! 
 
 Grindem: Galliger, kindly open that door. It's 
 very warm in here. Thank you. Now, 
 Miss Spalding, it would be much bet- 
 ter for you to consult ProfessorWright 
 in regard to this matter. He has kept 
 
 (22) 
 
in touch with the play all along, you 
 see, and he can advise you intelligently. 
 
 Miss S.: (rising zvith dignity) Certainly, Pro- 
 fessor, if you are not interested — 
 
 Grindem: I am interested, very much interested, 
 Miss Spalding.. Of course, I am in- 
 terested, but everything is crowding 
 now — 
 
 Miss S. : (gathering up her books) I would not 
 intrude — 
 
 Grindem: (desperately, rising) You are not in- 
 truding. Miss Spalding. Most assur- 
 edly not. If I really knew anything 
 about the matter I should be most 
 happy — 
 
 (Enter Bessie TaPPins, hat on one 
 side, open notebook in hand.) 
 
 Bessie: (going straight to the desk) Professor, 
 how would it do to have each one tell 
 about himself — a sort of dialogue? 
 
 Miss S. : I will consult Professor Wright. Pos- 
 sibly he will have time to advise me. 
 (goes out in high dudgeon.) 
 
 Bessie: (ivith azve) Oh my, was Miss Spalding 
 talking with you? That's too bad, 
 only I am in such a dreadful rush, and 
 Frank says if I don't hurry, he can't 
 typewrite this for me. 
 
 Grindem: (zvearily) Miss Spalding was just go- 
 ing. Will you not be seated? (zvaves 
 her toward "Audience Row.") 
 
 Bessie : But I can't wait, you see. Frank won't 
 do this unless I come right back. He's 
 going to do it on the typewriter for 
 me, and he's got to meet his father at 
 half-past ten. 
 
 Grindem: Well, Miss Bessie, under the circum- 
 stances, I might — 
 
 Babe: I am next. Professor. I came in be- 
 fore Galliger. Now, truly, didn't I ? 
 
 (23) 
 
Grindem : (beginning anciv on his letters) I must 
 read my mail before I talk with any of 
 you. (Bessie sits dozvn beside Galli- 
 ger. He produces a paekage of gum 
 which he proffers to the girls. There 
 succeeds a silence.) 
 
 (Enter Mame Hensel, smartly 
 goivned.) 
 
 Mame: (going directly up to the desk) Good 
 morning, Professor. 
 
 Grindem: (looking up zvith knitted broius) Good 
 morning, Miss Hensell. Won't you 
 be — er — seated ? 
 
 Mame: (calmly) No, I thank you, I cannot 
 stay. I want to consult you about 
 the presentation of the Sophomore 
 flowers. At the Junior play tonight, 
 you know. They seem to think — 
 
 Grindem: Yes, yes, Miss Hensell, presently. But 
 just now I must — 
 Mame: (calmly and courteously) But it must 
 be settled one way or the other. Profes- 
 sor, right now, and you are the one 
 to settle it. I want them brought up 
 at the close of Act III. That is the 
 proper time. That is when things are 
 always presented; at the close of Act 
 III. 
 
 Babe: (springs up and conies to the desk) It 
 doesn't matter what always is ! I 
 guess we can do as we please ! The 
 Sophs want to present them at the 
 close of the fourth act, and I don't see 
 why not. Dan Mitchell says his speech 
 will fit better then. 
 
 Grindem : His speech ? Is Dan making a speech ? 
 Babe: Yes, Dan is to make the presentation 
 speech on the part of the Sophs, and 
 he ought to be consulted, I should 
 think. His speech fits better then be- 
 cause he starts it with a quotation from 
 the play ; where Marlowe says, "Crown 
 
 (24) 
 
Mame : 
 Babe: 
 
 Mame: 
 
 Grindem 
 
 Mame; 
 Babe: 
 
 Grindem 
 
 Mame: 
 
 Babe: 
 
 Mame: 
 Grindem : 
 Babe and 
 
 me ; shadow me with laurels." That's 
 the opening of Dan's speech and it's 
 fine — so graceful and apropos ! 
 
 What does that matter? Let him write 
 another speech ! 
 
 Another speech? Write another 
 speech ! And the play tonight ? He 
 can't write speeches while you wait ! 
 
 W^ell, as I am to receive the flowers and 
 make the response, I think I ought to 
 be consulted. 
 
 (leaning back resignedly and looking 
 from one to the other) What are your 
 reasons for wanting them presented at 
 the close of the Third Act, Miss Hen- 
 sell? 
 
 Who ever heard of presenting things 
 at any other time ? That is the proper 
 time. 
 
 (scornfully) "The proper time!" As if 
 that mattered ! I hate to do things the 
 way they have been done from the be- 
 ginning, world without end. Amen! 
 (Galliger giggles and assumes a mock 
 attitude of reverence.) 
 
 (unsmiling) Why not take them up at 
 the beginning, before the Prologue? 
 
 Of, I couldn't receive them until after 
 I have appeared ! Fancy my tripping 
 out to take some flowers before the 
 audience knows who I am ! Don't you 
 see I couldn't? Besides, it's not the 
 proper time ! In all the big New York 
 theaters — 
 
 As if it matters what they do in New- 
 York! Rafton isn't New York! 
 
 No, apparently it is not. 
 
 Well, who is to settle it? 
 
 Mame: You, Professor! 
 (25) 
 
Grindem: In that case, I'll have to see Dan. If 
 his speech is all ready, I don't see how 
 we can ask him to change it. Tell Dan 
 to come — 
 
 (Enter Mrs. Grindem with zvhite par- 
 asol and dainty market basket.) 
 
 Mrs. G. : John, don't you think that {drops para- 
 sol zuhich Galliger springs to pick up) 
 Oh, thank you, Mr. Gurdy ! How are 
 you today? (Babe returns to "Audi- 
 ence Rozu" and Mame slips out, 
 head up.) 
 
 Galliger: I am very well, thank you, Mrs. 
 Grindem. (returns to his place beside 
 Babe.) 
 
 Mrs. G. : John, don't you think — (searches for 
 something in her handbag) don't you 
 think it would be nice — 
 
 Grindem: (sighing) Yes, Martha? 
 
 Mrs. G. : (sinking into a chair) Don't you think 
 carnations would be pretty favors? I 
 am on my way to order things for to- 
 night. 
 
 Grindem : Tonight ? 
 
 Mrs. G. : Certainly. For the reception we give 
 the Juniors after the play. Don't be 
 stupid. How much cream do you 
 think I ought to order? 
 
 Grindem: (fingering his letters absently) Do you 
 mean how many gallons? 
 
 Mrs. G. : (drazving off her gloves and reaching 
 for a pencil.) Yes, dear. Ice cream 
 does not come by the yard ! 
 
 Grindem : Well, let me see. There are seventeen 
 in the class, and with the Decoration 
 Committee — Miss Woodward, how 
 many are there on the Freshman Com- 
 mittee ? 
 
 Babe: (turning from a conversation zvith Gal- 
 
 (26) 
 
liger) You mean the Committee for 
 the Junior Play, Professor? 
 Grindem : Yes, ushers and all, how many Fresh- 
 men will assist? 
 Babe: (counting hurriedly on her iingers)L,et 
 me see. Ushers and ticket-sellers and 
 all there will be— there will be — eleven, 
 thirteen, fourteen, — ju-st fourteen, Pro- 
 fessor. 
 
 Mrs. G. : (figuring on paper) Fourteen and sev- 
 enteen; that's twenty-one, isn't it? 
 
 Grindem: Thirty-one, my dear, thirty-one. 
 Mrs. G. : (thoughtfully) Thirty-one ; thirty-one. 
 And nine is forty. (Professor opens a 
 letter and reads) And nine is forty. 
 Well, I guess five bricks will be 
 enough. What kinds of cakes shall I 
 order? 
 
 Grindem: x\ny old kind. You must attend to 
 such details, my dear. I am not 
 hostess. 
 Mrs. G. : I should think you would care about 
 the Junior reception. 
 
 Grindem: But I do not know what the young 
 folks like. Their tastes may have 
 changed since I was a boy. I do care, 
 but I haven't read my mail yet. 
 
 Mrs. G. : Well, it is very hard to do things all 
 by yourself, and I know very little 
 about the school, really. Miss Wood- 
 ward, what kind of cake do the Juniors 
 like? 
 
 Babe: (rapturously) Oh, chocolate cake! I 
 just love it! Chocolate and — and fig! 
 Fig cake is delicious ! 
 
 Bessie: (looking up) And sponge cake; 'rnost 
 everybody likes sponge cake, I think. 
 
 Galliger : Give 'em some good plain pound cake. 
 It beats the sky-scraper cake all out! 
 
 Babe: (dimpling) "Sky-scraper cake !" What 
 (27) 
 
is that? I thought I knew every sort 
 of cake. (While they are talking of 
 sky-scraper cake" Mrs. Grindein zi'his- 
 pcrs to her husband, and he gives her 
 some money, then some more.) 
 
 GalHger : Layer cake, I think they call it. A 
 whole lot of flat cakes held together 
 by stufl: that sticks to your fingers. 
 
 Babe: (giggHitg luxuriously) "Sky-scraper 
 cake !" Galliger, you are a case ! 
 
 Bessie : That's good enough for the Class His- 
 tory — if you were a Senior ! 
 
 Galliger: If you are going to confine yourself 
 to Senior jokes, your History will be 
 about as snappy as a weather report ! 
 
 Mrs. G. : (rising) I must be going. It is a very 
 warm morning, and I have to go clear 
 down to the Central Market. Fig cake 
 and chocolate — thank you, MissWood- 
 ward. (To her husband) You'll be 
 home to luncheon? 
 
 Grindem: I don't know, my dear. I can't tell. 
 I may not be able to get away. There 
 is a Board meeting at eleven-thirty. 
 
 Mrs. G. : That old Board ! They always meet 
 when you are the busiest ! You ought 
 to take time to eat ! Pity they couldn't 
 meet twice a day ! Well, good-bye ! 
 (goes.) 
 
 Grindem: (briskly) Good-bye. Now, Galliger, 
 about that challenge? 
 
 Babe: You haven't settled about the Sophs 
 yet. Professor. I say let them give 
 them after the play. Why not ? 
 
 Bessie: (chewing her pencil) Or at the recep- 
 tion tonight. That would be a nice 
 time, I think. Or wouldn't it? 
 
 Grindem: You and Miss Hensell and Dan will 
 have to settle that. Or no, let Miss 
 Hensell and Dan settle it. They are 
 
 (28) 
 
the ones most concerned. Tomorrow 
 afternoon, Galliger, might do for the 
 game. 
 
 GalHger : No, sir ; we couldn't work up an in- 
 terest by that time. And it'll have to 
 be advertised, and the tickets sold, 
 and — 
 
 Bessie : Now, I say, Galliger, let me talk to the 
 Professor just a minute. 
 (Enter J. P. Thompson, Bsq.) 
 
 Thompson : Good morning. Professor. Fine morn- 
 ing, sir, fine morning. Is there going 
 to be a Board meeting here today? 
 
 Grindem: (rising) Yes, Mr. Thompson, there is; 
 at half -past eleven. It is now (he con- 
 sults zvatch) quarter to eleven. Will 
 you be seated? 
 
 Thompson: I called the meeting for eleven, but 
 by a mistake it has been announced 
 for a half hour later, I see. 
 
 Grindem : It has. I do not know who made 
 the mistake. I cannot be ready until 
 half-past, I am afraid. 
 
 Thompson : Do not let me detain you. Business 
 is business. I will wait here. You are 
 in demand these days. Professor. You 
 are a busy man, sir, a busy man. 
 
 Grindem: (mopping his brozv) I am. (Mr. 
 TJiouipson scats himself in the last 
 chair in "Audience Rozv." Galliger 
 stops chezcing gum, Babe opens a book 
 and Bessie zcrites more qnietly.) 
 
 (Enter Miss Cameron in natty frock, 
 auto hat and veil.) 
 
 Miss Cam. : Professor, may I speak to you a mo- 
 ment? (Babe starts and looks up.) 
 
 Grindem: (rising and bozving) Certainly, Miss 
 Cameron, with pleasure. What can I 
 do for you? 
 
 Miss Cam. : The Senior girls have appointed me a 
 (29) 
 
committee of one to ask you if you 
 think it necessary for us to wear gloves 
 tomorrow night ? It's the proper thing 
 for Commencement, of course, — we 
 know that, but some of us want to 
 and some of us don't. 
 
 Grindem: (deferentially) What do you think 
 yourself, Miss Cameron? 
 
 Miss Cam. : (with an engaging smile) Oh, I think 
 it would be nicer not to ; so much 
 simpler and more girlish. (Babe and 
 Bessie look at each other signiiicantly) 
 
 Grindem : (gravely) Much simpler, I think, Miss 
 Cameron, and very — er — very much 
 more in keeping with school girls. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (rising) Then I can report that you 
 say — 
 
 Grindem: (rising) That I suggest only, Miss 
 Cameron. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (smiling that hezvitching smile) I mean 
 that you suggest that we do not wear 
 gloves ; that you think it is prettier not 
 to. Oh, I am so glad ! 
 
 Grindem : I suggest that you do not, Miss Cam- 
 eron. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (effusively) That is so kind of you, 
 Professor. You never fail us. I am 
 so much obliged to you. 
 
 Grindem: (accompanying her to the door) It is 
 a pleasure to help you — the young la- 
 dies, I mean. 
 
 Miss Cam: (at the door) Thank you. Good-bye, 
 Professor. Good-bye! (goes.) 
 
 Grindem: (zvith much gravity) Goodbye, Miss 
 Mildred. (He returns to his desk.) 
 
 Thompson: It that the young lady from Philadel- 
 phia ? 
 
 Grindem: Yes, that is Miss Cameron — Miss Mil- 
 dred Cameron, and she is a brilliant 
 
 (30) 
 
girl. (Babe nudges Bessie, and Galliger 
 looks at the ceiling.) 
 
 Thompson : ( thoughtfully) She graduates this year, 
 does she not? 
 
 Grindem: (coldly) She does. 
 
 Thompson: Will she return to Philadelphia after 
 Commencement ? 
 
 Grindem: (more coldly) As to that I am not able 
 to state, Mr. Thompson. 
 
 (Enter a carpenter, zvith a hammer, 
 and zvearing a striped apron.) 
 
 Grindem : Well ? 
 
 Carpenter: Perfessor, will you jes' step 'round and 
 look at them lockers? 
 
 Grindem: Why, Williams. I really haven't time 
 this morning. What's the trouble? 
 
 Carpenter : Them locks ain't the right kind. I tola 
 the boss they wasn't. You'd better 
 come and settle it. He says they'll do ; 
 I says they won't. 
 
 Grindem: (zvriting) V\[&\\, I'll come in a minute. 
 (Carpenter lumbers out.) 
 
 (Professor Wright appears at the 
 door, bozvs to Mr. Thompson, comes 
 in and sits doivn in "Audience Rozv.") 
 
 Grindem: (starting out) Good morning, Wright! 
 Want to see me? 
 
 Wright : Yes ; a little matter has come up at 
 the ofifice, and you — 
 
 Grindem: Fll be back in a minute. Can you 
 wait ? 
 
 Wright: (consults zvatch). No, I'll be back 
 later. 
 
 Grindem: Are you in a hurry? I wish you'd 
 come and look at those lockers. Wil- 
 liams says the locks won't do. 
 
 Wright: (rising) Yes, indeed. I knew they 
 
 wouldn't. (They go out together.) 
 
 (31) 
 
Galliger: When's our time coming? I'm get- 
 ting gray-headed ! 
 
 Bessie: (dolefully) Maybe not at all. It looks 
 that way. (Mr. Thompson gets up 
 and goes out.) 
 
 Babe: Well, I'm glad Millie Cameron knows 
 what to zvear! 
 
 Galliger : Steady, Babe, steady ! Put sand on 
 the track. You're sliding! 
 
 Babe : Oh, well, what right has she to dash 
 in here and talk to 'Prof.' when we've 
 been waiting an hour ! 
 
 Bessie : And about gloves ! The idea of worry- 
 ing Professor this morning about 
 gloves ! That's what I say. She has 
 no right. 
 
 Galliger : She has the right of a pretty girl ; a 
 right recognized everywhere, by gen- 
 tlemen and savage alike. 
 
 Babe: 'Pretty girl!' Do you think she's 
 pretty ? 
 
 Galliger: In my humble judgment, Miss Wood- 
 ward, Millie Cameron is — 
 {Frank Saivycr comes to the door, 
 looks at the three and gives a pro- 
 longed zvhistle.) 
 
 Frank: 'Prof.' in? 
 
 Babe: (savagely) Do you see him anywhere? 
 
 Frank: Ah, the infant's nerves are evidently 
 frazzled ! Has he been here this 
 morning? 
 
 Galliger: Yes, and so has everybody else on 
 earth ! 
 
 Frank: (grinning) 'Audience Row' is not in 
 a pretty temper this morning! Bes- 
 sie Tapping, if you want me to run 
 off that stuff' for you you had better 
 hand it over. 
 
 Bessie: But I got to see Professor first. Can't 
 (32) 
 
you do it this afternoon? 
 
 Frank : Can't possibly. Got other fish to fry. 
 Well, so long! Shall I send you all 
 something to eat? Some sandwiches, 
 perhaps ? 
 
 Babe: Go about your business — if you have 
 any! 
 
 Frank: (bozving) Dear Miss Woodward, 
 yours to command, (goes away ivhist- 
 ling. ) 
 
 Babe: The Seniors have been intolerabk all 
 week. They think nobody ever grad- 
 uated before ! 
 
 Galliger: Put sand on the track! You're slid- 
 ing! 
 
 (Enter a large fussy zuoman, followed 
 by a uniformed boy ivitli some hand 
 luggage.) 
 
 The Woman: Is this Professor John Grindem's of- 
 fice? 
 
 Galliger: (rising) Yes, Madam. 
 
 The Woman: Is he in? 
 
 Galliger: (very gravely) Not so far as I can 
 see, Madam. 
 
 The Woman: Where is he? (to the boy) Put down 
 those things and wait in the hall, (the 
 boy goes.) 
 
 Galliger: He was just stepped out. Madam. 
 
 The Woman: (looking sharply at Galliger through 
 lorgnette.) Out where, young man? 
 
 Galliger : Out of the room Madam. He's some- 
 where in the building. 
 
 The Woman: (sitting dozvn heavily) 1 suppose this 
 is his desk? Dear John! 
 
 Galliger: (respectfully) Yes, Madam. 
 
 The Woman : How like him it all looks ! Books 
 and papers and maps and all that ! So 
 like him ! ( There is a silence. 'Au- 
 
 (33) 
 
The Woman 
 
 Babe: 
 
 The Woman : 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 The Woman : 
 
 Galliger 
 and Babe : 
 
 Bessie : 
 
 The Woman. 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 The Woman : 
 
 Grindem 
 
 dience Rozv' studies her curiously.) 
 
 (zvith cmpressemcnt) I am Mrs. Wil- 
 liam Alorton. 
 
 Yes? 
 
 His mother-in-law, you know. 
 
 {dropping his cap) Oh, Madam, you 
 are? 
 
 (taking a fan from her traveling hag) 
 I stopped here to surprise him first. I 
 have never visited them h&iov&, {sigh- 
 ing) never before. I have not seen 
 him for five years . . . And this 
 is where his days are spent. What a 
 busy fellow he is ! . . Dear boy ! 
 
 Yes, Madam. 
 
 Yes, indeed. 
 
 (sighing) I am so glad to be here ! 
 
 I presume, Madam, you are. 
 (Professor Grindem steps into the 
 room briskly, and stops, transfixed). 
 
 (rises) John, do you know me? 
 (rushes tozvards him) I have come 
 for commencement (throws her arms 
 about his neck) and to spend the sum- 
 mer ! 
 
 (zveakly) Mrs. Morton! 
 have ! 
 
 You 
 
 (34) 
 
Act hi. 
 
 Babe : 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 Mame : 
 
 Miss Cam. : 
 
 Mame : 
 
 Miss Cam. 
 Babe: 
 
 Galliger ; 
 
 {The stage of the Duval Theater, 
 Thursday afternoon, June 6th, at four 
 o'clock. In the rear, on a stepladder, 
 Galliger Gurdy is draping two Amer- 
 ican flags against the wall, Babe 
 Woodivard superintending the job. At 
 one side a carpenter is fixing the floor, 
 pounding and zvhistling alternately. 
 Miss Cameron is practicing her val- 
 edictory, Mame Hensell coaching 
 her.) 
 
 Lift that fold to the right. Fix it like 
 the other one. 
 
 I can't see the other one. That's what 
 I brought you for. 
 
 (to Miss Cameron) Now, dear, com- 
 mence again. 
 
 "As we stand together upon the 
 threshold of a new life" (carpenter 
 pounds and pounds) "As we stand to- 
 gether — " (carpenter pounds. Mame 
 makes a gesture of silence.) 
 
 Stand closer to the edge. Your voice 
 will carry better then. Are you going 
 to hold your manuscript — (carpenter 
 gives a resounding pound) all the 
 time? I thought you said^you were — 
 (carpenter whistles and pounds.) 
 
 (in a shriek) I am. Would you? 
 
 More this way, Galliger. And higher — 
 lots higher. That fold is as stiff as a 
 war ship! Look, Mame, isn't that 
 dreadful ! 
 
 Maybe you'd like to try it? (drops 
 the flag straight against the wall and 
 sits down on the ladder) I'll resigfn 
 cheerfully. If you think this is a 
 snap. Babe Woodward, you're might- 
 ily mistaken. 
 
 (35) 
 
Babe : I know it's mighty hard to do it but I 
 can't. I'm afraid as death of step- 
 ladders. 
 
 Galliger: Would you like to try it, Mame? 
 
 ]\Iame : No, I haven't time, but I'm not afraid 
 of stepladders. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (smiling) I think Mr. Gurdy is doing 
 very well. That one is beautifully 
 draped. 
 
 Galliger: (lifting his ball cop)l thank you. Miss 
 Cameron. You have an artistic eye, 
 and when a fellow is trying to do his 
 best — 
 
 Babe: (tartly) Go on, Galliger! Hurry up! 
 I can't stay here all day ! 
 
 Mame: (to Miss Cameron) And we'd better 
 hurry up, too. It's four o'clock. I wish 
 Miss Spalding would come. 
 
 Miss Cam. : Oh, I'd rather have you, lots rather. 
 Let's — (carpenter pounds) Let's skip 
 the first. I know that part like a book. 
 Let's — (carpenter pounds) Let's com- 
 mence at the "And now, dear fellow- 
 students" part. 
 
 Mame: All right. I like that part so much. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (pensively) Oh, do you? Do you 
 think it is affecting enough? 
 
 Mame : Well I should think so ! Do you want 
 us all dissolved in tears? Go on. 
 (Galliger and Babe suspend opera- 
 tions to ivatch her.) 
 
 Miss Cam. : (striking an attitude) "And now, my 
 dear fellow students, to whom these 
 last words come fraught with mem- 
 ories of a thousand happy hours, 
 bright with the promise of a thousand 
 youthful dreams, the perfume of a 
 thousand hopes, — to you, my dear fel- 
 low students — " (Miss Spalding and 
 
 (36) 
 
Professor Grindcm come on the stage 
 nil observed.) 
 
 Mame: "Fraught?" I thought that was "la- 
 dened" — "ladened with memories of 
 a thousand happy hours." 
 
 Mis Cam: Miss Spalding said (carpenter pounds 
 and tvhistles) said (pound) said 
 "fraught" was better. I had it "la- 
 dened" first. Which do you Hke 
 better? 
 
 Miss S.: 
 Miss Cam. : 
 
 Miss S.: 
 
 Grindem : 
 
 Carpenter : 
 
 Grindem : 
 
 Carpenter : 
 
 Miss S.: 
 
 Carpenter : 
 
 Grindem : 
 
 Carpenter : 
 
 (coming forward) I thought "fraught" 
 was more euphoneous, that was all. 
 
 Oh. are you there? And Professor! 
 Mercy, did you hear me? How am 
 I doing it? 
 
 Beautifully. But you must be more 
 composed and you must talk louder. 
 Your voice — (carpenter pounds tzi'O 
 pounds.) 
 
 (to carpenter) Here, man, we can't 
 have you raising such a row around 
 here. What are you doing? 
 
 It's a squeaky board, Professor. I'm 
 putting in another one. Been trying 
 to fix it for three days, but there has 
 been so blame much practicin" — 
 
 Yes, yes. of course it's not your fault, 
 but how soon'll you be done? 
 
 In about a minute. 
 
 (grocefnlly .facetious) About how 
 many pounds, Mr. Carpenter? 
 
 (grinning) I think about six, Aliss. 
 There are three nails, and I calculate 
 on two pounds to each nail. 
 
 Well, pound 'em in and go. Wait, 
 please , Miss Cameron, till he gets 
 through. 
 
 Here goes. (He pounds six heavy 
 pounds and one light one.) 
 
 (37) 
 
Galliger: A little one for luck. (Carpenter goes 
 out.) 
 
 Miss S. : Now, we had better commence at the 
 beginning. 
 
 (Bnter a man zvith a palm in a pot.) 
 
 Palm Man : Where does this go ? I have to have 
 this place cleared out. 
 
 Grindem : "Cleared Out?" 
 
 Miss S.: "Cleared out?" 
 
 Palm Man: Yes, cleared out. If I am to dec'rate 
 this stage it's time I got at it. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (in dismay) But I have to practice — 
 
 Grindem: Can't you bring the plants in and set 
 them anywhere for the time being? 
 
 Palm Man: No, sir, I can't, (sets' down the palm 
 
 and crosses his arms) I've been here 
 
 three times today and every time 
 
 - somebody was a-sayin' a piece, and 
 
 now its harf-parst four and — 
 
 Miss Cam. : But what will I do ? Professor, what 
 will I do? 
 
 Galliger: Go to the chapel. That's quiet as a 
 graveyard. 
 
 Miss Cam. : But, Professor, — 
 
 Palm Man: (lifting the palm) If I am to dec'rate 
 this 'ere stage — 
 
 Grindem: (very gently) Perhaps, Miss Mildred, 
 you had better not try to do anything 
 more here at present. 
 
 Miss S. : Yes, we had better go to the chapel. 
 (To Miss Cameron) It will be all 
 right. You've about got it, anyway. 
 
 Miss Cam. : But if I fail tonight ! Oh, what if I 
 fail tonight? 
 
 Galliger: (cheerfully) "In the bright lexicon of 
 Youth, there is no such word as fail," 
 Miss Cameron. 
 
 (38) 
 
Babe : It'll be in your bright lexicon, Galliger 
 Gurdy, if you don't look out! 
 
 Mame : Come on, it's getting late. 
 
 Miss Cam. : (preparing to go) What time this 
 evening are we to be here, Professor? 
 
 Grindem: At eight o'clock sharp, Miss Mildred. 
 Eight o'clock sharp. 
 
 Galliger: Who ever heard of sweet girl gradu- 
 ates' being on time? Tell 'em seven, 
 ."Prof." and maybe you can open the 
 bair at eight. 
 
 Miss Cam. : Qh, , iwe'U _be here if we promise. You 
 kno>y i we will, Professor. 
 
 Grindem: , (sitting doivn in one of the two chairs 
 on the stage) Yes, Miss Mildred, I 
 think you will. 
 
 Mame: (taking Miss Cameron's arm) Come 
 oh, Mildred, if you're going. We've 
 got to dress for dinner yet. (Mame, 
 Miss Cameron and Miss Spalding 
 go-) 
 Grindem: (looking around the room, critically) 
 Galliger, that flag's too high. 
 
 Galliger: (rising to his feet on the stepladder) 
 Too high from which? The other 
 flag or the floor? 
 
 Grindem : The floor. All the wall space should 
 be covered^that is, all that the audi- 
 ence can see. 
 
 Babe: No, the people's heads will come to 
 there, (indicating on the wall.) 
 
 Galliger: That's how I figured it; You can't 
 see through the heads of the Board. 
 They're too thick. 
 
 Grindem: (grinning) You are right, the flag 
 needn't come clear down. Couldn't 
 you get any more flags? Only two 
 makes it look skimpy. 
 
 Galliger: (turning reproachfully) Now, "Prof." 
 (39) 
 
if you're going to sit there and — 
 
 Grindem : I know, I know. It's easy enough to 
 sit in a chair and suggest things to a 
 man on a stepladder. ( The Palm Man 
 comes in and puts doivn a palm.) 
 Robinson, what are you putting these 
 pahns there for? The graduates sit 
 there. 
 
 Palm Man: Well, I would like to fin' out jes' 
 where them bloom in' graduates air to 
 set ! First, they say one place ; then 
 they say another. Yesterday, it was 
 here ; today it is there. Perfessor 
 Wright says there ; you say here. 
 Who's s'posed to know? 
 
 Grindem: (meekly) I am supposed to know. 
 
 Palm Man : Well, then, s'pose you settle it. Where 
 air them graduates gain' to set? 
 
 Grindem: (rising and indicating floor space) 
 The graduates sit there ; leave room 
 for twelve chairs. Back of them, the 
 Board of Education ; leave room for 
 eight chairs. 
 
 Galliger: We don't have to decorate the back 
 of the stage, you know. The Board 
 1 furnishes the green eflfect. 
 
 Palm Man : (snickering) Where air you a-goin' to 
 set, Perfessor ? 
 
 Grindem: (indicating) At the left; there. By a 
 table. Where is that table, by the 
 way? 
 
 Babe: What table, Professor? 
 
 Grindem : I am to have a very swell table ; solid 
 mahogany. Hasn't it come? 
 
 Galliger : There's no such table 'round here. 
 Nothing's come since I arrived. 
 
 Babe : Did you arrive at sun-up ? Maybe it's 
 behind the scenes? 
 
 Galliger : There's no table of that sort here. I've 
 investigated the field of battle. 
 (40) 
 
Grindem: (looking at his zvatch) I ordered a 
 table from Hanley's, and they said it 
 would be here by 2 o'clock without 
 fail. Galliger, I wish you would — 
 
 (Enter Bessie Tapping, hastily, hat 
 awry. She collides ivith the Palm 
 Man, who is stooping over a palm.) 
 
 Palm Man: (recovering his equilibrium) Talk 
 about your cy-clones! Air you a grad- 
 uate ? 
 
 Bessie: (breathlessly) Oh, I beg your pardon! 
 I hope I didn't spoil the palm. I didn't 
 notice you. I came to practice ! 
 
 Grindem : Came to practice ! You can't prac- 
 tice now. I hope you'll all leave your 
 practicing till the very last minute ! 
 The man has to decorate the stage 
 now and nobody — 
 
 Bessie: (peeling off her gloves and unrolling 
 her manuscript) But I don't mind. 
 He won't disturb me. 
 
 Grindem : But he minds. You cannot practice 
 here. 
 
 Bessie: But I got to. I haven't even read this 
 over out loud yet. 
 
 Babe: Ye gods and little fishes ! You haven't? 
 
 Grindem : (severely) Yes, Miss Bessie, this is a 
 little late.' Galliger, run around to 
 Hanley's, will you, and ask them about 
 that table? Tell them to send it right 
 away. (Galliger hurries down the 
 ladder and out.) 
 
 Bessie: (taking position and commencing to 
 read) 
 
 "First on the list, as you may surmis*. 
 Is a trim little girl, pretty and wise; 
 Fanny Farren— " 
 
 Palm Man : (stepping up to her) I got to put this 
 palm where you're standin'. (Babe 
 and Professor smile at each other.) 
 
 (41) 
 
Bessie: (moving a feiv steps and proceeding 
 serenely) 
 
 "Fanny Farren, clever and debonair, 
 With ripples of golden sunshine for hair; 
 She loves—" 
 
 Babe: What's "debonair," Bess? 
 
 Bessie: Oh, kind of jolly and fetching. I don't 
 know exactly, but I had to have a 
 rhyme for "hair." Of course I had to 
 mention her hair. 
 
 Babe: Yes, of course. If you let her hair 
 out you would have no excuse for put- 
 ting her in. Go on. It's splendid. 
 
 Bessie : I hope it'll do. Goodness knows, I've 
 worked like a Turk getting it ready! 
 Nobody would help me; I've walked 
 miles and miles to write it! (reads) 
 
 "Wi ripples of golden sunshine for hair; 
 She loves Higher Mathematics and Greek, 
 And yearns to take to the stump and spi'ak 
 Of woman's wrongs and Inform' e men 
 How to run the country, and w y, and when ; 
 She knows — " 
 
 Babe : Oh, that's fine ! Fine ! It's Fanny Farran 
 over again ! How could you make it 
 rhyme so easy? It sounds as good as 
 Longfellow or Pope. 
 
 Bessie: (zvithout pride) Oh, it's easy when 
 you're started once. It's like rolling 
 down hill ; you can hardly stop. 
 
 "She knows everything that women have done 
 From the present down to the Great Year One; 
 She can describe them in every age. 
 Civilized, cannibal and savage; — " 
 
 Palm Man: (coming in with a plant) Excuse me, 
 Miss, but you'll have to move over. 
 These pams gotter be fixed. 
 
 Bessie : I reckon the speakers have to have 
 some place to stand! I'm almost on 
 the edge now ! 
 
 Palm Man : Dunno nothin' 'bout the speakers, but 
 Perfessor he said to go ahead with, 
 the panis. 
 
 (42) 
 
Bessie: Professor, are we going to stand on 
 this stage or not? This man wants to 
 put a pahii here. I've got to stand 
 somewhere, I guess ! 
 
 Palm Man : I don't want to put a pahn there ; 
 never said I did. But I got to have 
 room to move in. It's gettin' late. 
 
 Grindem : You certainly have. Miss Bessie, this 
 man has to arrange the stage, and you 
 had better go — 
 
 (Enter Frank Saivyer, immaculately 
 dressed.) 
 
 Grindem: (looking him over) Did you come to 
 practice? (Palm Man goes out.) 
 
 Frank: (airily) Practice? Oh, no, I haven't 
 practiced for two days. 
 
 Bessie: You haven't! My, I wish I was 
 smart ! 
 
 Frank: (airily) I wish you were. Who fixed 
 the flags? 
 
 Babe: (defiantly) Galliger! 
 
 Frank: Mighty artistic job. Very efifective. 
 But on the whole a little slab-sided, 
 don't you think? 
 
 Babe: If you can do any better, go ahead. 
 We need a man with ideas. And you 
 needn't put on airs around here where 
 everybody is working. 
 
 Frank: Working? It looks like it! What 
 are you doing, Miss Woodward? Any- 
 thing in particular? 
 
 Bessie: She is coaching me, that's what she is 
 doing. 
 
 Grindem: Miss Bessie, you had better go to the 
 chapel where you can have more 
 room. 
 
 (Re-enter Palm Man.) 
 
 Palm Man: (to Professor Grindem) I'm going af- 
 ter the big pams now. It won't take 
 
 (43) 
 
but a few minutes to fix 'em when I 
 get back. 
 
 Grindem : But when will you get back ? 
 
 Palm Man : In harf an hour or sich a matter. Jes' 
 got to go to the store, (goes on the 
 lope.) 
 
 Frank : Speedy fellow, that one. 
 
 Bessie : But, Professor, Millie Cameron is 
 using the chapel. 
 
 Grindem: Then go to one of the recitation 
 rooms. 
 
 A Voice: (from the flies somezvhere( Oh John! 
 
 Grindem: (aside) Mrs. Morton! . . . Yes, 
 Mother ! 
 
 A Voice: (from the flies, but nearer) Shall I 
 come right on the stSige? (Frank drops 
 into a chair.) 
 
 Grindem: (rises) Yes, Mother. 
 
 (Hnter Mrs. Morton. As she does so 
 the girls giggle and sidle out.) 
 
 Mrs. Morton : I came to see how you are getting on, 
 John, as I was out for a walk. 
 
 Grindem: Yes, Mother. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: (putting up her lorgnette) You aren't 
 nearly ready, are you? (sits down 
 with a heavy sigh.) 
 
 Frank: (rising) Oh, it won't take long. Sit 
 down, Professor, and view the land- 
 scape o'er. — There isn't really much to 
 fix, Mrs. Morton, as the stage will be 
 full of people. 
 
 Mrs. Morton : But it looks so bare ! Is that the pit 
 you read about? A theater is a deso- 
 late place in the daytime, isn't it? 
 That flag doesn't look very well. Why 
 don't you loop it up like the other 
 one? 
 
 Grindem : That isn't quite finished. Galliger will 
 
 (44) 
 
be back in a minute. These things 
 take time. 
 
 Mrs. Morton : But you've had all day. I should think 
 you would be all ready, waiting. 
 
 Grindem: Yes, there have been several days. 
 
 Frank: (looking at the Professor affection- 
 ately) The week has been full of days, 
 hasn't it, "Prof."? 
 
 Mrs. Morton : Mercy, are you going to have those 
 palms in a stiff row? They aren't 
 very good palms, anyway. 
 
 Grindem: The man hasn't finished with the 
 palms, and besides, the stage will be 
 full of people. 
 
 Mrs. Morton : Oh, do you have the graduates sit on 
 the stage? Won't that be nice? I 
 haven't been to a Commencement 
 since I was a girl. 
 
 Frank: Yes, Madam. 
 
 Mrs. Morton : And do you sit on the stage, too, 
 John? 
 
 Grindem: (looking up from memoranda) I do. 
 
 Frank: You do if you live till tonight, hey 
 "Prof."? 
 
 Mrs. Morton: (sighing) Yes, if we live; if we live. 
 It is a solemn thought. We never 
 know what an hour may bring forth. 
 Oh, John, there was a man out there 
 inquiring for you. 
 
 Grindem : Out where ? 
 
 Mrs. Morton: (fanning herself) It is very warm in 
 here. I presume places of this sort 
 are not well ventilated. At the door 
 in an autom.obile. The smell was 
 awful. I think he was one of the 
 Board ; he looked very important, and 
 said it was "imperative" that he see 
 you. 
 
 (45) 
 
Frank: Shall I swear for you, "Prof."? 
 
 Mrs. Morton : (looking at Frank through her lorg- 
 nette) What do you mean? John does 
 not swear? 
 
 Frank: Of course not. That's why I offered 
 to swear for him. Shall I see who it 
 is, Professor? 
 
 Grindem: Thank you, Frank, I wish you would. 
 (Frank goes out.) 
 
 Mrs. Morton : That flag makes me nervous. If I 
 were a younger woman I would drape 
 it myself. 
 
 Grindem: Galliger will fix it when he comes 
 back. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: But it is getting late. 
 
 Grindem : It is. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: Has the man finished with the palms? 
 
 Grindem : No, the man has not finished with the 
 palms. He has gone for some more; 
 some large ones. 
 
 Mrs. Morton : Well, I should hope he had. These 
 look skimpy. Are you going to have 
 any cut flowers? 
 
 Grindem : Only one bunch. American beautie^s, 
 on the table. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: What table? I do not see any table? 
 
 Grindem : The table is coming. Galliger has 
 gone out for it. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: A good deal seems to hang on Gal- 
 liger. 
 
 Grindem: (sighing heavily) It does. (Aside) 
 Thank heaven for aGlliger. 
 
 (Re-enter Frank, accompanied by. 
 Professor Wright.) 
 
 Frank: (to Professor) He's gone. It was 
 only Mr. Thompson. 
 
 Wright: Good evening, Mrs. Morton. Mr. 
 
 (46) 
 
Thompson gave me his message, Pro- 
 fessor. It was about a called meet- 
 ing of the Board tomorrow. 
 
 Grindem : (taking out his notebook)Wh3Lt time? 
 
 Wright : At three-thirty. Only a brief meeting. 
 Well, how are you getting on? 
 
 Grindem : The chairs haven't come from the 
 building yet, nor the table, nor the 
 large palms. 
 
 Mrs. Morton: (with asperity) Why don't you tell 
 him what has come? It would take 
 less time. 
 
 Wright: But they'll all be here in time. And 
 when our pretty graduates get up 
 here, tucked among the green like 
 white roses — 
 
 Frank: Why, Professor, you sound like 
 poetry ! Better be careful ! 
 
 Mrs. Morton: (rising) That is a very pretty figure 
 of speech, I think. Innocent young 
 girls in white, on the threshold of a 
 new life ; "Standing with reluctant 
 feet where the brook and river meet," 
 as the poet says. "Childhood and — 
 
 Wright: "Womanhood and childhood fleet." 
 Childhood and — " what is the rest? 
 
 Mrs. Morton : Oh, yes, certainly. Thank you. "Wo- 
 manhood and childhood fleet." It is 
 a lovely sentiment — John, will you be 
 home to dinner? It is nearly tonight, 
 remember, (goes, bowing with much 
 deference to Wright.) 
 
 Wright: Anything I can do for your. Profes- 
 sor? Can't you go home now? 
 
 Grindem: I want to see the place in order first, 
 and the table hasn't some. But you 
 go home and be here by eight sharp. 
 Oh, have you seen Dawson? 
 
 Wright : Not for several days, but he knows he 
 is to be here. 
 
 (47) 
 
Frank : He's out of town, I think. 
 
 Grindeni : The Reverend Robert Dawson ? Why 
 he is to give the Invocation tonight. 
 You were to see him, Wright. 
 
 Wright: I did, and he said he'd be here. But 
 that was on Monday. 
 
 Grindem: (to Frank) What makes you think 
 he's out of town? 
 
 Frank : Harry said so ; said his father was 
 called away this morning. Somebody 
 dead in Centerville, I think he said. 
 
 Grindem : (sinking back in his chair) Good 
 heavens, can anything else happen? 
 Will you see about the matter, 
 Wright ? 
 
 Wright: (starting to go) Certainly. I think 
 Frank must be mistaken. 
 
 Grindem : If Dawson is out of town, get — get — 
 who can you get? 
 
 Wright: I'll get somebody. Don't you worry 
 about that. There are plenty of 
 preachers. 
 
 Grindem: Then I'll leave it to you? 
 
 Wright: Yes, it will be attended to. Dismiss 
 the matter entirely (goes). 
 
 Grindem: (rising zvcarily) Maybe I ought to go 
 and see about it myself. Wright is 
 so absent-minded. 
 
 Frank; Let him do it. You can't be in six 
 places at once. 
 
 (Re-enter GaUiger.) 
 
 Grindem: How about the table? 
 
 GaUiger: The clerk didn't know anything 
 about it. 
 
 Grindem: Didn't know anything about it? 
 
 GaUiger : So I came to know if I can't go home 
 and get — 
 
 (48) 
 
Grindem: Didn't know anything about it? 
 Whom did you see? 
 
 GalHger: The head clerk. Everybody else had 
 gone, it is so late. Let me go home 
 and send over our library table. It 
 won't take a jiffy. 
 
 Grindem: But you'll miss your dinner. 
 
 Galliger : Well, it won't be the first time. Frank, 
 skin up -that 4adder and hook up that 
 flag and I'll go and get the table. 
 
 Frank : I can't drape a flag. I never did such 
 a thing in my life. 
 
 Galliger: All right, you bet I can. {To Profes- 
 sor) And your table'U be here O. K., 
 Trof." Hanley isn't the only man 
 that has a mahogany table! Don't 
 you worry! Go home and be 'aisy.' 
 I'm your huckleberry ! 
 
 Grindem: (laying his hand on Galliger s shoul- 
 der) I'll not worry. Galliger, you are 
 the "noblest Roman of them all." 
 
 Frank: I'm going yb your house, Galliger. 
 I'll send that table around. 
 
 Galliger: Here, I'll write mother a note, (zvrites 
 in a tiny notebook) And get that 
 transfer man at the corner of Third 
 and Sherman, you know ; opposite 
 Tanner's drug store. Here's a quar- 
 ter. (Frank refuses it) Yon come with 
 him so he'll be sure and bring it, will 
 you? Stay by him like a leech. 
 (hands the note.) 
 
 Frank: Yes, we'll arrive instanter, the table 
 and I. 
 
 Galliger : And carry the vase mother'll give you 
 in your hands. Be awful careful. It's 
 sister's. We'll have a cut-glass 
 "vawse" for your boquet, "Prof." We 
 are the people! 
 
 Frank : One vase, cut glass ; one table, ma- 
 
 (49) 
 
hogany. All right. So long (goes.) 
 
 ( Galliger climbs the ladder and drapes 
 the flag in silence, watching Grindem 
 covertly. The latter sits quietly, 
 zvatch in hand, looking straight 
 ahead.) 
 
 (presently) You're pretty well tuck- 
 ered out, aren't you, "Prof."? 
 
 Yes, Galliger, it's been a hard week. 
 
 I bet you'll be glad when tomorrow 
 comes. 
 
 Yes, Galliger, I shall. It's been a 
 long week. 
 
 (after a pause) What are you waiting 
 for, "Prof."? 
 
 I want to see that the janitor ar- 
 ranges the chairs as they should be. 
 He was due here two hours ago. 
 
 Couldn't I see to it? 
 
 No, Galliger, thank you, Fd better 
 see to it myself. 
 
 (There succeeds a silence, Galliger 
 looking doivn at Grindem wistfully. 
 Then he sloivly steps down the lad- 
 der.) 
 
 (softly) Dear old "Prof." . . Dear 
 old "Prof."! (tip-toes out, carrying 
 
 his cap.) 
 
 (Curtain falls upon the Professor, 
 
 watch in hand, staring into space, un- 
 
 ing.) 
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 The Library of the Grindem home, Friday morning. 
 
 " . . . The innocent sleep, 
 Sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleave of care, 
 
 . . . sore labour's bath. 
 Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course." 
 
 —Macbeth. 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 Grindem : 
 Galliger : 
 
 Grindem 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 Grindem : 
 
 Galliger : 
 Grindem : 
 
 Galliger : 
 
 (50) 
 
( Professor Grindem is discovered asleep on a couch, 
 carefully covered with a crazy quilt. Mrs. Grindem 
 passes in to her desk, on tip-toe, and out, twice. Mary 
 brings a telegram, lays it on the table, and backs 
 out cautiously. Galliger comes with a boquet of 
 American beauties in a cut glass vase, which he places 
 on the Professor's desk, then tip-toes out. He returns, 
 writes a note, and pins it to the crazy quilt, moving 
 with much caution. Mrs. Grindem comes in, sees 
 Galliger, telegraphs on her fingers that the Professor 
 is not to be disturbed, and they both tip-toe out. She 
 returns in a minute and pulls down the window 
 blinds. Grindem sleeps on.) 
 
 (51) 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 018 360 896 4 (