PS 635 .Z9 1132 Copy 1 Al Martin's Country Store Ji Comedy'Drama in FiVe Jicts BY Archibald Humboldt and Martelle E^verett Copyright, 1903, bp March "Brothers tCv This book is tlie property of MARCH BROTHERS, and is never sold. All public or private perform- ance, by professionals or amateurs, is prohibited, except where written consent of the proprietors has been secured. This book must be returned after the entertainment. LE.BANON, OHIO MARCH BROTHERS. Publishers AL MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE A Comedy-Drama in Five Acts n By ARCHIBALD HUMBOLDT AND MARTELLE EVERETT COPTFIGHT, 1903, BY MARCH BROTHERS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED PROFESSIONAL OR AMATEUR PERFORMANCE PROHIR- ITED EXCEPT WHERE SPECIAL PERMISSION IS GIVEN 6 Lebanon, Ohio MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 3 ^ rf-^ ' General Instructions. ^ |A3'^-' Window " - \ Shelving E D ■ C POSTOFFICE COUNTEIt T. o a O o H < 5 o Stove o o £3 o >■ Door F Door G Front Th,e stage should be arraDged as per above diagram, jaiid skould baxe^aii far as x^ossible the appearance of a gen itine store. ^ The shelving can be filled with numer- ous articles borrowed for the occasion, finished out with grocery signs, advertisements of various food products, etc. The stove is not necessary, but numerous boxes, kegs, broken chairs, etc., should be in the centei of room for the loafers. Characters, Costumes, Etc. Al. Martin. Storekeeper and postmaster. A man of forty. Modern store dress, Marie Martin. His daughter. An up-to-date girl of eighteen. Assistant postmaster. Sam Johnson. Carpenter. Any age. Ordinary clothing. Tom Briggs. Laborer. Any age. Ordinary clothing. Buck Friend. Brickmaker. Middle aged. Wears overalls. Rube Hutohins. An old time farmer. Very sober manner. Very hard of hearing. Harold Hawley, A civil engineer. An up-to-date young man. A stranger. Robert Corey. A railroad promoter. A hustler of fifty. A stranger. I Up-to-date girls. Chums of Marie. Anna j ^ ^ Mrs. Blake I, ^^ . , ^ ^ , -^ , ^ -. ^ f Women in sunbonnets and kitchen dress. Mrs. Smith-* Mrs. Haavkins) -,.,,, ^ , ^- • .<•* ■ f Middle aged ladies in afternoon dress. Miss Simons J Hunter. A boy of the age when voice changes. Has gun, game bag, etc, Gus. A rather slow young man. Ned. a rather fast young man. Jerry. A hungry loafer. Keeps buying crackers, &c., and eats while loafing. Si Newcomb. A man of fifty. Full evening dress. Clean shaven. Speaks very distinctly. Ralph Miller. A school teacher. Rev. John Wesley Asbury. A Methodist minister of ability. Rather elderly. Ministerial dress. Otto Padretti. A traveling music teacher. Dressy. Squire Holden. An old, miserly skinflint. Jim. a ragged little colored boy. Full of life and fun. Mandy Spriggs. An awkward, giggling, comical girl. Hair in plaits, heavy shoes, ill-fitting calico dress. Numei'ous customers, all ages. 4 AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE During the progress of the play, numerous customers of all ages come and go, some making purchases, most all calling for mail. Occasionally one receives a letter or paper from Marie, who is in charge of the postoflflce. Some of the customers make purchases and depart quickly, but most tarry a while and listen to the con- versation. Any number of persons may be employed in this -manner. The success of the entertainment dej)ends largely upon the natural action of the par- ticipants. It will be well to substitute local names for those given in the play, both as to persons mentioned and places. This will add to the merriment. Local hits may also be introduced. Let one or two customers be making purchases each time the curtain is raised. Jim and Mandy should be upon the stage much of the time, 'darting in and out, making fun of other characters behind their backs, and indulging in grim- ances and antics. Use tact in selecting these two characters. Have two or ^three characters who are constantly calling for mail for themselves and all their relatives and neighbors and getting none. Let them insist there MUST be some. Ask when the next mail comes, if there is any other postoffice, etc. Ai.. Martin's Country Store. ACT I. Monday morning. Sam Johnson, Tom Briggs, and Buck Friend sitting around the stove. Al behind couixter. Sam. Was }' ou down to meetin' last night, Al ? AL Yes. Were you? Sam. l>lo. They say ye had a powerful good sermon. Al That we did.. Sam. An' Si Pinckncy's gal sung an awful pretty song, I hear'd. Al. Yes. Tom. She 's a awful good singer, ain't she ? Sam. She jist is. What 'd she sing about last night, Al? Al. I believe the name of it is the Holy City." Sam. 'Bout dreamin' an' seein' angels ? Al. Yes. Sam. Heard her sing that last winter at re- vival meetin'. I tell ye she kin sing it till ye almost think ye are there. Biicl\ Better git her to sing ye clean in, Sam ! Don't know how you '11 git there any other way. Sam. Xever you mind about me. Look after your own admission ticket. 6 AL. martin's country store (Enter little girl with basket.) Tom. Sweep off your own doorstep. That it, Sam? Girl (to Al). Here 's some eggs, and mother "wants yon to give her half sugar and half coffee for them. I '11 be back after them in a minute. (Exit.)" (Al squats behind counter at "A/' facing front. Counts eggs from basket to box under counter.) (Enter young hunter with gun.) Hunter (whose voice is changing, to Al, who is still counting eggs. In deep voice). Give me a nickel's worth of crackers (voice changes to high key) and a dime's worth of cheese. Al. (without looking up). All right. I '11 wait on both of your in a minute. (Al proceeds and waits on various customers, while conversation continues. Several come and go, making purchases, calling for mail, etc.). (Enter Squire Holden.) TI olden. Al, I want to talk to you. I am go- ing to build a barn, and I will be put to an awful expense, and must save my money. I want to know what discount you will give me if I make all my purchases at your store. Al. What kind of purchases? Holden. Daily purchases of provisions — every- thing needed by my family. Al. Do you mean groceries in small quanti- ties? Holden. Yes, but of course the aggregate will be large. AL. Al. Why, Squire Holden, I can't allow a dis- conut on such purchases. I am selling goods at the lowest possible price, and I cannot give any- thing off. Holden. No discount. Why, I am amazed ! I thought you would allow a third off, at least. Wliy, what do you mean? AL It 's out of the question. Squire; I can give no discount. Holden. I shall go elsewhere to trade. AL I can't help it. Holden. ])ear me ! I must save to huild my barn somehow. (After a pause.) Have you any sweet potatoes? AL Yes (calling attention to basket in front). Holden. Are these good, Al ? AL Yes. Holden. Have you tried them yourself? (Picks up several and examines them.) A L Yes. Holden (puts three or four in his pocket). Well, I '11 take these home and try them, and if thev 're all right, I '11 buy a small measure. (Exit Holden.) Sam. What do ye know about the trolley line. Buck? Buclc. Guess it 's goin' to be built, sure enough. Hear'd over to the county-seat last Saturday that they wasn't any doubt of it. Tom. They 's a lot o' men round about here gettin' right o' way and the like. Have they been to see you, Al? 8 AL. martin's country store Al. Not yet. I guess they are taking the road just as it comes. They 're comin' this way from Jonesville. Sain. Do they pass your store, Al ? AL That 's the calcuktion. (Enter Mrs. Smith at door "G" and Mrs. BL^ke at door "F." Thev meet in front of counter at "A.") Mrs. Smith. Mornin', Mrs. Bhike. Mrs. Blahe. Mornin', Mrs. Smith. How be ye? Mrs. S. I 'm pretty peart like; how 's your- self? Mrs. B. Just tolerahle. I might ho all right, if I only had myself to think of. Mrs. S. How is Jonas now? Mrs. B. Oh, Jonas, he 's quite poorly. The poor man don't seem to git no better. He Just suffers dreadful. Yisterday afternoon it 'peafed like he was some better, an' we did think he might git on, but it didn't last; and by night he was jist as bad as ever. Mrs. S. Do you think it 's rumatiz ? Mrs. B. Oh, yes, it 's rumatiz. 'T ain't nuth- in' else. Mrs. S. Tlio't mebby it might be nuralgy. Now my cousin's wife's sister, she — Mrs. B. No, 't ain't nuralgy, 'cause it don't act that way. Anyways, he 's took everything they is fiir nuralgy. Mrs. S. (to Al). Gim me a cake of Fels Naphy Soap. AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE 9 Mrs. B. Sakes alive ! do you use Fels Napliy ? Mrs. S. Yes. Don't you? Mrs. B. No, I don't. I tried it, and it does make the washin^ easy, but 1 think it makes the clotlies yaller; and I jist can't bear yaller clothes. Mrs. S. 1 can't neither. So after washing 'iiiii in Fels Naphy, I wrench 'em in "Twenty Mule Team Borax," and they 's as white as snow. Mrs. B. (to Al). Gim me a dime's worth of starch. (To Mrs. S.). As I was sayin', we tried everything they is for nuralgy, and it didn't do Jonas no good. So we concluded it was rumatiz. ]\[rs. S. I heard tell of a new cure for rumatiz. I v/onder if you 've tried it. It 's wintergreen. Have you? Mrs. B. No; we haven't tried that. How do you use it ? Mrs. S. Jist drop a few drops on a lump of sugar, and let him swaller it down. They do say it acts wonderful. Mrs. Slocum, she told me her brother over at Cynthiany was cured with it, and I said right away, savs I, I 'ni goin' to tell Mrs. Blake that. Mrs. B. Well, I '11 try it, ef I can. You hain't got none have you? Mrs. S. What? Wintergreen? Mrs.B. Yes. Mrs. S. No, but it won't cost much — a nickel or so. Mrs. B. Yes, I know, but we tried so many things, and they all cost sumthin'. First we tried yelk of eggs and salt. Mrs. Somers she said that 10 AL. martin's couxtry store cured her maPi, but it didn't do Jonas no good. Jim White, he said coal oil c-ured him, and he jist knew it would cure Jonas. We gave him three tablespoons full an hour till he jist couldn't swaller another drop. It jist gagged him awful. Afrs. S. I should think it would. Airs. B. Yes, an' it didn't do no good. Then we tried hoss liniment, and we used that until it took the skin all off; but the rumatiz stayed on. While the sliin was growin' on again, Jonas he tried carryin' an Irish pertater, an' takin' War- ner's Eust Proof Safe Cure. Bill Wells, he said' he had jist the worst case of rumatiz that ever was, and he didn't do nuthin' fur it but jist carry a pertater, an' it cured him and he stayed cured. But it didn't do Jonas no good. When Mandy Briggs' cousin was here from Boston, she was a Christian Science, you know. She wanted Jonas to try that. She said they wasn't no such thing as pain. Said he jist imagined his leg hurt, and for two dollars a time he could git absent treatment by a lady in Boston, an' he would learn to know his leg conlclnt hurt him. But Jonas, he said, he didn't care to pav two dollars fur the privilege of trying to imaofine his les^ didn't hurt. It was good deal easier to imasfine it did hurt, and lots cheaper. Jonas, he said it was a good 'eal like Bol:) Simmons' boy said faith was — beleven ye had a thins: when ye knew ye didn't. Was ye to church yisterday? Airs. S. Yes. I didn't see vou there. AL. martin's country STORE H Mrs. B. No. I couldn't leave Jonas. . Did ye have a eood ineetin' ? Mrs S. It was real good. The sermon was rioht interesthr. ,It was about lovm' yer neigh- Ixn-s as yerself. My, how he did give it to the peo- ple that are always talkin' about other people be- hind their backs, and as luck would have it Mrs DeWitt was there and heard it all. I could not help lookin' at her and thinkin' how she was a P-it in' hauled over the coals. I wou dn t a bin m her shoes fur nuthin'. I hope she '11 know better affer this. And land sakes, Mrs. Blake, I wish t ye could ha' seen the new hat she had on ihmk of a woman her age wearin' a hat! And a regu- lar girl's hat, at that! With big pmk roses on. It was ridiculas. Mrs.B. You don't say! Mrs S. 'T was. indeed. But it wasn t no woVse than Alvinv Perkins in her red silk. Ihmk If a woman as poor as you hiww Alvmy Perkms is a-wearin' red silk ! . . , t i Mr^ B Eed silk! Anvthm' red makes me think of Jonas's red flannels: He wears ^im from his neck clean to his toes, and the heaviest kind, too, all the vear 'round. Thento help that out we tried haVin' humhle-hees sting his knee It hurt dreadful, hut the rumatiz stayed on. I U try the wintergre'en, and if that f on't do no good, I 'm afraid after a while we '11 ]ist haf to call j^„ptor But I do hate to. It s so dreadful expensive. 12 AL. martin's country store Mrs. S. 'T is so. Well, I mus' git to washin'. Good-by. Mrs. B. Good-by. Come over some time. Mrs. S. I will. You come down. Exeunt E. and L.) (Enter Eube llutcbins. Buck rises and greets him.) Buch (talks loud, very close to Rube's ear). Mornin', Paibe ! How are ye ? Ruhe. Can't complain. How 's everybody ? (All respond.) BucJv. Kube, 1 saw ye drivin' a three boss team tother day. That was a powerful fine boss ye had in the lead. Where 'd ye git him ? Ruhe. I 've had him fur some time. Got him when he was a colt. Bud'. Want to sell him ? RuJje. Xaw, Buck; I can't spai*' him. I need him fur the heavy loads. Buck. Did ye drive him in to-day? Rube. Yes. The team 's out thar. Bud'. Guess I '11 go take a look at him. (Exit.) Ruhe (to others). I 'm not asking Buck to buy no boss from me ; Ijut if he does it, he mustn't blame me. Buck sold me a boss once. Took ad- vantage of my bein' deaf. He sold me a boss that had the heaves. I never knew it till I got home, and was showin' him off to my wife. My, how purty he was, and how he could go ! But my wife, she sed you could hear him heave half a mile. I lost a hundred on him, but Buck better watch out. ■ AL. MARTIN'S COUNTKY STOKE 13 (Exit.) 8am. That 's a good team to swap horses, I swan. Wonder who '11 come out ahead ! (Enter Buck.) Buck. My ! but that 's a beauty of a boss Eube has. He 'd be a dandy fur my business. I 'm goin' to have him if l^ube don't stick too close to him. (To Al at ''B.'') Gim me a plug of to- baccer, Al, an' I mus' git to business. (Exit.) Sam. Better be goin' myself, I guess. Want to gim me a lift to-day, Tom — raisin' a barn for Squire Holden ? Pay ye a dollar and a half. Tom. I 'm with ye. (Exeunt all except AL 'No one enters during the remainder of this scene but Marie.) (Enter Mario at door "H," in riding habit. Comes forward to her father at "A.") ^ Al. Hello, hero ! What made you stay so long? Marie. pa ! I 've had such a time ! Do I look pale? Al. Palo! Why, yes; you do look a little l)loaohed. Sick? "^^liy what 's the matter with your dress? It 's all wot, and look at the dust— Marie. Well, Eibl)on throw mo ! Al. Threw you. T — Marie. But she couldn't hol]:> it. It was so funny! Al. Funny! Why, aren't you hurt? Marie. Yos. T 've lauo^hed so ! Al. Tell me all about it. Marie. There was a fine-looking youno^ man — 14 AL. martin's country store Al What! Marie. Yes. lie was sitting on the fence out at the Ramsey farm, and all at once the fence gave way, and he turned somesaults backwards, and then rolled and tumbled down hill — AL Well— Marie. And Ribbon and I were just starting up hill, and it was enough to frighten any one the way he flew down there. Al 'Did she— Marie. Yes, she jerked back so quick, I went headforemost, — to the spring over in the woods, I guess, — at least I fainted, and when I came to, the young man was bathing my face with water and — Al. How's that? T tho't he fell off the fence. Marie. Well, that 's all I know. He didn't Avant me to ride Ril)bon again, but he don't know her, poor dear ! He seemed surprised to see her kneel while I mounted. She wouldn't have to if everybody were as gallant as he is! Al. Grallant? Hum! Something extraordin- ary, eh? Well, be careful about those fellows. They' re a rough lot. Marie. But, pa, this is the head surveyor — or some overseer on the proposed trolley line, and must be a real gentleman. Al. Well, pet, T can trust you; but — well, a stranger will bear watching. Marie, A11 right, pa. You watch him from yoTir side and 1 '11 do likewise, and then we '11 compare notes. AL. martin's country STORE 15 (Al retires to desk at "C") (Enter Anna and Bess. No transient customers to enter during remainder of this act.) Bess. Hello. Marie. Hello, there. An7ia. Hello, old girl. Bess. How did you ever manage it, anyway ^ Anna. Oh, it 's just her luck; but— Marie. Manage it? Luck? Why, what 's up? Bess. Perfectly innocent"! Anna. Doesn't know a thing, does she ! Marie. Well, you might explain ! Bess. We 'll'let you do that. But say, you were as graceful as a kitten! How long did you practice that fall? Anna. Didn't it hurt you? l^ly ! wo were so frightened. Marie (laughing). Oh, T thought no one saw me ; at least — Bess. Yes. you mean "only one"; hut we couldn't resist happening at the window just then! ^ ^ ^ ,^ Marie. Girls! now stop. You know 1 couidn t help it. I — ^^ . T A7ina. Say, he's great, isn't he? He carried YOU like you — Bess. Just like a pet doll ! Marie. Aw ! He didn't carry me ! Anna. He did, too. Oh, I guess you fainted, though, and mav he you didn't know it ! Bess, We were coming over to help straighten 16 AL. martin's country store you up, but he made it appear entirely unneces- sary. Marie. I did wonder how I got over to the spring. I didn't remember of walking. Anna. Oh, he was equal to the occasion. Marie. But who is he, anyway? You talk as if he were one of the seven wonders of the age. Anna. He 's only Harold Hawley, the secre- tary of the trolley company — only a common millionaire, or something like that. Marie. Dear me ! Bess. Say, Marie, you '11 give us a house party, won't you ? Marie. Mercy, girls ! Do hush ! N"ow don't you say a word about my fall to anybody, and I '11 not, and the whole thing will drop right here. Anna. Drop! Oh, no! We '11 take care of that ! He 's just the one to take Mr. Padretti's place. Now, you know, Marie, you don't like him, and he 's such an improvement on Padretti. It '11 make all the boys hurry a little, and liven things up. Marie. He 's certainly nicer than Padretti. 1 can't tolerate him. Anna. We '11 see ! (Starting out.) Good-day. Bess. Good-by. Marie. Don't be in a hurry. Bess. Oh, we just wanted to know if you were hurt. (Enter Jim, running.) Jim.. Mistah Mahtin ! — wha 's Mistah Mahtin ? Al. Plere. (Coming forward.) AL. martin's country STORE 17 Ji7n. Gimme a l)Ottle of Newmonia and a can of consecrated lye — quick! AL What 's the rush? Jim. Dad's fell in the soap grease bar'l, an' mother 's gwine to scrub him so 's not to waste the grease. (Runs for door.) (Curtain.) ACT II. Afternoon, a few days later. Present : Al Marti]], Sain Johnson, Xed, Jerry, iMai-ic, and others as desired. N^umeroiis customers come and go, call for mail, etc. (Enter Gns Piisley.) Gus I" speaks with a drawl). What ti]ne is it, Al? A I (looking at watch). One o'clock. Gus (walks to post-ofhce). What time does the mail close, Marie? Marie. Half-past two. Gus. Give me a postal card. (Takes card.) Will I have time to write this before the mail closes ? Marie (smiling). You might try. Gus. What time did you say it was ? Al. One o'clock. Gus. An' what time does the mail close ? Marie. Half -past two. Gus. Y\fe\], I guess I '11 have time. Sam. Gee, whiz, Gus, vou want a lot thrown in 18 AL. martin's country store with a postal card. Why don't you ask him to furnish a card already written for you? Xed. Don't believe you can get it done, Gus. Better not try: you might get overheated. Jerry. Better go see her, Gus. You kin do it in less time. Gus. 'T ain't a lier. My girl lives here. (Looks admiringly at Marie.) Dont believe I would have time, anyway. ( Returning card to Marie.) Give mo back my cent, will you? (Takes money, and after hanging around Marie a while, joins others about the stove.) (Enter ]\rrs. Hawkins, door "F.") Mrs. Ilaivlius (to Al). I would like a spool of No. 50 White Thread. (Enter Miss Simmons, door "G.") Miss Simmons. Why, good afternoon, Mrs. Hawkins ! Mrs. H. Why, how do ye do ? I 'm real glad to see you. Miss S. Isn't it dreadful warm? Mrs. 11. Dreadful ! Miss S. Seems to me it hasn't been so warm since that summer Lucy Hopkins was married. Mrs. II. Just what I was a-thinkin' ! Miss 8. An' it dusty, too. Just as it was then. Mrs. II. Yes, it was dre'dful dusty then. I got my black silk so full of dust, it was nigh about ruined. Miss S. An' I was dre'dful afraid I had sp'iled mine. AL. MAHTIN's country STOKE 19 3[rs. II. I got the dnst off mine with a piece of old velvet bunnet. Mias S. It 's better than anything else to take the dust off of black silk. Mrs. II. Yes, 't is. Miss S. I saw Mrs. Dunn as I was comin' past. Mrs. II. I saw her yisterday even in'. Miss S. 1 tlio't she looked kinder weary. Mrs. II. She did when I. saw her. An' she coughed some. She seemed real miserable. Miss S. It 's funny she took consumption. Mrs. II. Yes, 't is" so. Miss S. I s'pose she 's jist the kind to. Mi^s. II. I s'pose so. Miss S. It 's too hot to sew to-day. M7-S. II. Yes, 't is. Miss 8. Are you goin' up to the meetin' ? Mrs. II. Yes, I was. Miss S. 1 'II walk up with you. Mrs. II. I s'])ose there won't be many there, it 's so hot. Miss S. Yes, I s'])ose so. Mrs. II. It 's queer people stay 'way from meetin' on account of weather. Miss S. Yes, 't is so. Mrs. II. Well, I guess we 'd better be goin'. Miss 8. Yes, I s'nose we had. " (Exit, door "G-.") (Enter Si ^^ewcomb, door "F.") 8i (to attract attention). Hem-a-hem ! (Acts very pompously.) Jerry. Look at the show ! 20 AL. martin's country store Ned. Where did he git them clothes? Sam. Sakes alive, Si, what 's up that you -'re puttin' on so much style? Whose clothes ye got on, anyhow? Si. Oh, these are not my clothes ! Oh, no ! (Shows them off.) They belong to Mabley. (Local dealer's name may be substituted.) I rented them to go to the wedding last night. The time isn't up until to-night, and you bet I ain't going to take them off as long as they 're paid for. Sam. Whose wedding ? Si. My second cousin — John N"ewcomb; his daiighter Alice. She married a young fellow- named Chester. You see, it wag this way : Tliey wrote me an invitation — ^}Ts, they did! Got it here in my pocket. (Takes out invitation, which is in two envelopes, and then wrapped in paper. Unwraps very carefully.) I '11 read it to you. (Reads.) Mr. and Mrs. John Xewcomb request your 'presence at the marriage of their daughter Alice, to Montague Van Rensselar Chester, Thurs- day evening, April ilfth, at six o'clock. (Date may be changed to suit time of year.) That 's the way it reads. Xo name signed, but it was directed to me, on both envelopes. They put two on to make sure that I 'd get it; but that wasn't neces- sary, for the outside one wasn't torn a bit ! I tell you, the fellow that Wrote that was a fine pen- man. (Gazes at it admiringly.) There isn't a blot nor a misspelled word in the whole letter. (Tveplaces invitation in envelopes, wraps in pa- per, and places in pocket.) Just as soon as I got STORE 21 this, I knew my clothes weren't good enough for that big wedding, and I went down town and asked the tailor what he 'd charge for a suit. He said: ''I '11 tell you what I '11 do. I '11 make you a fine suit for sixty dollars/' I said, "I just p-uess you wont!" And I went to ]\Iabley's and rented this 'for two-fifty. I have to give 'urn up to-night, but I 'm goin' to wear them around all day. After I fixed it about the clothes, I went over to Blank's jewelry shop to see about getting something for a wedding gift, for you know they requested that right in the letter. Yes, they did ! It said, "Eequest your presence !" So I wasirt going without anvthing, and I went to BlanK s and asked Mr. Blank to show me some nice wed- ding gifts. He did. He showed me a whole case full, and I hardly knew what to take. But I finally decided on one. It was a castor. Oh, I tell you, it was a daisy! Silver stand, with green i^lass bottles for vinegar and such things. He had two kinds, one at one seventy-nine, the other at two nineteen. I wanted to do the right thing, so I paid two nineteen. Then Mr. Blank wanted to do the thing up and send it by express, said that wa s the proper way, but I said : "No siree ! i m croing, andl'U just ^aA'eit";andIdid! ' The invitation said to be there at six o clock, but the bus arrived at four, and I went right up. Got there ^ood and early. They weren t ready yet, and I wanted to help them; but they insisted I should just go in the parlor and sit down, and so I did!' I saw all the folks come, and then the 22 AL. martin's country store wedding came off. My! but it was swell. Then everybody went up and congratulated them, and I did, too. I told them I hoped they 'd never re- gret it. I saw everybody said something like that. Then we had supper. My, oh, my, what a supper ! Wlien I saw the table, I made up my mind I \1 go the whole thing, even if it cost a dollar ! But the waiter told me it was all free. Cousin John paid for it. It must have cost a heap. I can't begin to tell you what they had to eat. They had pink and blue ice-cream in slices, and cake and chicken chopped up with yellow gravy on it, and ever so many things I never heard of. Eight in the mid- dle of the tal)le they liad a big flower-bod, with all kinds of blooming flowers growing. I tried to eat some of everything they passed, but long l)efore they got through, I was too full to take another bite. I tell you, I was sorry to see the things pass ! There was a woman sitting beside me that kept talking to me all the time. She 1)othered me, and finally I just told her I didn't have time to talk ; that I wanted to eat. I told her I 'd talk after we got through, if she wanted to. And you should have seen the presents ! They had all of them spread out on a big table as long as that counter. My, but there were a lot of fine things. I was afraid my castor wouldn't be seen amongst so many things, but it was. I saw ever so many pointing at it, and talking about it. They had dozens of knives and forks and spoons and silver- ware of all kinds, and dishes and tumblers and AL. MARTIN'S COUNTRY STORE 23 diamonds and other things in cut glass. Vv'ell, I cim't talk longer. 1 must be going." (Exit, door "G.") (Exit Marie at door ''II.") Sam, That sort of lark just suits Si. Ned. He certainly enjoys the clothes. (Enter Squire Holden.) Ilolden. How do you sell peaches, Al? AL Ten cents a basket. Holden. Ten cents ! Gracious ! Two baskets for fifteen cents ? Al. No. Holden. Al, I think you might sell me two baskets for fifteen. One isn't enough for my fam- ily of eight, and twenty cents is too much to pay for a meal. Al. Can't do it. Squire. Ilolden. I think you are unreasonable. (Exit Holden.) (An automohile horn is heard outside — "R.") Jerry. Hello, what 's turned loose? Sounds like Hicks' thrashin' engine. Ned. 'T ain't time fur thrashin' machines ! Jerry (looking out window). Well, look a- comin' ! Ned (looking out window). Goes like mad! Sam (at the door ''F"). Stoppin' right here, too. Jerry (starting out door "F"). I 'm goin' to see it. (Ned, Sam, and Gus follow.) (Enter Eohert Corey and Harold Hawley.) Corey (to Al). Cremo cigars, please. 24 AL. ^[AKT]X S COUXTKY STORE Al. Haven't any of that kind. Corey. 'Xleorge W. Childs" will do very nicely. Al. None of those, either! We have a fine lot of stogies. Corey. Can you order a couple boxes of "Cremos" for me ? Al. Yes, if I can find them. Where can I get them ? Corey. Any first-class cigar or grocery store. Peebles has them. Al. Do you Avant them delivered? Corey. No. We will call for them. My name is Corey, and this is Mr. Harold Hawlcy. We arc interested in the Interurban Trolley Company. Mr. Hawdey is the secretary. All of the com- pany' mail is to be delivered to him. You are the postmaster, are you not? (Al nods.) Is express matter brought here from Center City? Al. It 's brought by hack. Corey. Whatever comes, Mr. Hawley will re- ceipt for. I am the president, and will give you a signed order if you desire. Al. I guess it 's not necessary. • Corey. Have you some Apollinaris Water ? Al. Never heard of it. Corey. Cherry phosphate? Al. We have cherry jelly and canned cherries." Corey. Wliat can you give us to 'drink? Al. I don't keep anything; but there 's some buttermilk in the house. Corey. Iced ? Al. Don't need ice. It 's been hanging in the AL. martin's country STORE 25 well, and is as cool as a disappointed politician. I. ai get it. (Exit Al, door "H." Eetnrning instantly with pitcher, followed by Marie.) Al Marie, this is Mr. Corey and Mr. Hawley. Thev are interested in the trolley line. Mr. Corey has left orders for all the trolley mail to be deliv- ered to Mr. Ilawley. (As Al begins speaking, Marie bows to Mr. Corey, and she and Hawley recognize each other, and appear pleased.) Haivley. Glad to see you looking so well to- day. Marie. Thank yon. Yon do not appear to be nnder a doctor's care, either. Father, this is the gentleman who rescued me the morning Eibbon threw me. Al. Is that so? Glad to have an opportunity to thank you for your kindness to my daughter. Corey. " So this is the young lady you were tell- ing me about. I 'm glad to make your acquaint- ance, Miss ]\Iartin. That was a thrilling episode, according to Mr. Hawley's version of it. Ilawley. My fall was quite thrilling, I am sure. I am very glad my awkwardness did not result more seriously. Marie. I am sure you couldn't help the fence giving way, but I was puzzled to know where you would land. Corey. He seems to have landed in the right place. ' (Setting down the glass.) Haven't had a drink of buttermilk to equal that in five years. I 26 AL. martin's country store was raised on a farm, and know when I strike a good article. What is the bill ? Al. Nothing at all. Corey (surprised). Xothing? Why, I 'm sure we want to pay for it. It was excellent. Al. I wouldn't think of charging a man for a drink of buttermilk. Corey. We certainly will remember your kind- ness. We will be glad to throw our patronage your way, and when the trolley is completed, your fam- ily shall be a part of the inspection party on the first tour. Al. Thank you very much. (Corey and Hawley exeunt, with proper cour- tesies.) (Eeenter Sam, Jerry, and Ned.) Sam. First autermobile I ever saw. Gee ! I 'd like to ride in one. Jerry. Beats a bike all to pieces. Ned. I saw one when the circus was at the county-seat ; but it wasn't up to this one. What 'd they want, Al ? Al. Lots of things I never heard of. Fine cigars and fancy waters. But what do you think they took? Ned. What? Al. Buttermilk! Jerry (surprised). Buttermilk! Ned (disgusted). Buttermilk! Al. They said it was the best thing they had liad for vears. AL. martin's country STORE 27 Sam. Buttermilk! (With contempt.) Weal- ways feed it to the pigs. Jerry. I leave on that! (All start for doors.) (Curtain.) ACT III. Several afternoonR later. Present: Al, Sam, Jerry, Gus, Ned, and Marie. (Enter Kube and Buck talking, door "G.") Buch. You say he 's a good worker. Rube? Ruhe. Ye see the loads he 's helpin' pull, don't ye. Buck? Bud-. I s'pose he 'd be a handy boss m my business. Ruhc. Well, Buck, that boss ought to pull a thousand brick, easy. Buck. I '11 give you a hundred for him, Kul)e. (Enter Padretti, who goes to the post-office for mail and talks admiringly to Marie for a while. Marie does not enjoy his attention.) Ruhe. Naw, Buck ; he 's wutli lots mor 'n that. I guess I '11 jist keep him. Bud: Tell you what I '11 do. Ef ye let me have 'im right away, I '11 make it a hundred and fiftv. Ruhe. Buck, I ain't anxious to sell you that boss; but if ve want him real bad, just to 'com- modate vou, i '11 let ye have 'im fur one seventy- five That 's a misfhtv little price. ^ Bud. I '11 split'the difference. Make it sixty- five. 28 AL. martin's country store Riibe. l^aw; nuthin' less 'iin one seventy-five. Buck. Well, 1 guess I '11 take him, an' I ^11 pay ye right now. (Counts out money.) Can I have him right away ? Eube. I '11 go with ye right now, and you can take him. (Exit Rube and Buck.) ^am. Buck has bought Rube's boss at last! Wonder if he '11 be satisfied with him. Ned. He 's a mighty purty boss, an' looks like he 'd be all right for Buck's business. 8am. Can't allers tell a boss by his looks, ner by what his owner says. It 's with a boss like it is with a man — Jie 's seldom as good as his wife tells her neighbors he is, ner as bad as she tells him he is. Gus. Xed, I don't see ye ridin' your bicycle very much any more. What the matter? Ned. Oh, the novelty 's worn off. Gus. Can't ye have it nut on again ? (Enter Holden.) Holden. Al, will you give me a few tacks? AL Give you some tacks ! I '11 sell you a whole paper for five cents. Holden. Haven't you a broken paper? I only want a few. Al. Fo ; I haven't. Holden. Couldn't you take a few out of three or four papers and give me — ^two dozen will be enough. Al I can't do that. 29 U olden. I think yon might to accommodate a good customer. Al. I don't see it that way. H olden. You are unreasonable. How do you sell strawberries? Al. Twelve and a half. Tlolden. Twelve and a half ! Gracious ! Al. Do you want any ? Ilolden. No. They are too outrageously high. 1 don't care for them, anyway. They spoil my taste for prunes. (Exit.) Jerry. Got any garden seeds, Al ? Al. Yes. Eight here. (Goes to counter at Ned. ^'What you sow you shall also reap" doesn't apply to the pictures on the seed packages, Jerry. Sam. Speakin' of seeds reminds me of what the preacher says, "You can raise a fine crop of trouble from the seeds of discontent." Jerry. And that reminds me that when a "get- rich-quick" syndicate cuts a . watermelon, the members get the seeds. Sam. And the seeds won't grow, which teaches that tlie only way of getting anything that 's worth having is the old-fashioned way of working for it. Ned. Marie, is the afternoon mail in yet? Marie. Yes. Ned. Did Sim Freeman's county paper come ? (May give name of local newspaper.) 30 AL. martin's country store Marie. Yes. Ned (walks to post-office). Lend it to us to read. (Marie takes paper from one of the boxes and give to Xed.) Here, Sam, read to us. (Re- turning to group.) Sam. ^o> let Jerry. Jerry. I can't read in the day-time; I go to night school. You do it, Ned. Ned. I ain't much of a reader, but I guess I can spell it out. (Opens paper and reads very slowly and poorly. The merriment of this read- ing will be greatly increased if local names are substituted for those given here. Local events may also be added. Comments may be made by the listeners.) Al. Before you begin to read, let Marie recite a little poem on the country paper she found not long ago. It will be appropriate. Marie. Oh, no. All. Yes, Do, Please, etc. Marie (comes to front and recites) : When the cvenin' sun is fallin at the endin' o' the day. An' a feller rests from lal)or smokin' at his pipe o' clay, There 's nothin' does liiui so much good, be for- tune up or down. As the little country paper from his ol' home town. It ain't a thing o' beauty, an' its print aint always clean. AL. MARTINIS COUNTRY STORE 31 But it straightens out his temper when a feller ^s feelin' mean; It takes the wrinkles off his face and brushes off the frown, That little country paper from his ol' home towm. It tells of all the parties an' balls of Pum'kin Row, 'Bout who spent Sunday with whose girl, an how the crops '11 grow. An' it keeps a feller posted 'bout who 's up an*" who is down, That little country paper from his ol' home town. Now, I like to read the dailies an' the story pa- pers, too, An' at times the yaller novels an' some other trash — don't you ? But when I want some readin' that '11 brush away a frown, I want that little paper from my ol' home town. Ned. First class. Gm. You done that splendid, Marie. Sam. That 's just as true as preachin'. Ned. Now for the paper. Let 's see what the news from our corner is. (Reads.) The people of this neighborhood are about all over the mumps, except Fred Franz. While he is from another neighborhood, he is over here so much that we consider him one of us. Some of these visiting gentlemen who come here on Sundays to see our girls are not as wel- 32' AL. maiitin's country store come visitors witlrsoine of our boys as they might be. Mr. Roman Frazier has built him a house on Neil Avenue, and moved into it, and is ready for a job of building cisterns, laying brick, or any- thing of that sort. ]Mr. , who was bitten by a copperhead a week ago does not improve as he should. It l)it him on the thumb while he was fooling round in tlio chicken coop. He drank two pints aud a lialf of whisky that night, or he would have died. Mabel Austin stayed out Avith May Armstrong Monday night. Miss Julia Hickey is now an accomplished per- former on the piano, and would ])rove an orna- ment to a rich man's home, for in addition to her musical talent, she is a numl)er one housekeeper and an up-to-date cook. She is able to sew and mend. Such girls are in demand nowadays. Joe and Tom were up to Pomeroy with a pair of good-looking girls. Andrew Hollis and his brother Mart found new partners coming home from church last Sunday. Jim Coogan fell out of a canoe, but, as he needed a bath, no damage and much good re- sulted. We understand that Hiram Knight's gate was l)roken off the hinges the other night. Some heavyweight must have walked home with Miss ]\Iyrtle. Mary had a little lamb; it followed her to church, and stood around the door, like an owl AL. martin's country STORE 33 upon its perch. Why don't the little lamb come in, the watchful people cried? Why, Mary told the sill}^ thing to wait for her outside. So you each, gentle maiden, may one and all still find some sheephead waiting near the door, if you ad- mire that kind. We wish to correct a mistake concerning Mrs. Barnhill. Her funeral was preached at the church here, instead of Mr. Smith's. The lost hog of Nathan Smith that has been missing for about two weeks returned home re- cently. Eaymond and Chester Green are the proud pos- sessors of a new buggy, ^ow, girls ! Alice Walters and her daughter helped Susan Henderson clean house Friday afternoon. Mrs. Bills was making a shirt for her husband l^aursday. Kettie Weaver sewed the first of the week for John Hinshaw. FOR SALE CHEAP.— A good set of false teeth. The former owner has no use for them as he recently died. Inquire of Mrs. John Brown. Sam Johnson and Tom Briggs put an archway between the reception and sitting rooms for Al Martin, last week. Every one who sees it says, "It 's so nice." Sam and Tom wouldn't leave it any other way, I 'm sure. Jernj. Hello, Sam. Gone to 'advertising? I^am.. Honest, I didn't know that was goin' to be put in there. Let me see it. (Takes paper and looks at it. Then hands it back.) 34 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE Jerry. It 's a mighty interesting paper this week. Ned (reads) : OHIO STILL AHEAD.— A friend of ours says that the early Ohio potatoes grow so large in Mis- souri that they crack the ground, and the chick- ens get down in the crevices to eat the potatoes, and they have to use a dip-net to get them out to roost. Glad to hear it. The average up here this year would do to load an old-fashioned shotgun without peeling. PERPLEXED.— Two bachelors met near us and saluted thush^, "How de do, Lee?" The other said, "How de do, Jim?" Then Lee said, "Jim, d' you know where I could get a couple of good boys to cut weeds in my corn ?" "Why don't you raise 'em ?" said Jim. "Well," said Lee, "that won't do, for before I could do that the weeds would take the corn I" "Thoughtful and gloomy they parted. And both seemed to be down-hearted." We have no mocking-birds in this vicinity, but we have a IMartin that sings so sweetly near the post-olhce that it seems to be attracting the atten- tion of a certain young man nightly. Jerry. Hi! That 's Marie ! (Marie disappears ])chind the post-office boxes.) Sam. Advertisin' you, too, are they, Marie? Well, I wouldn't care. Who 's the lucky feller? (Gus winks and motions to himself as being the one.) Ned. Think she 's going to tell you? AL. martin's country STORE 35 Jerry. I saw 'urn last Sunday night. It 's \a ffun is discharged outside, and there is the sound of a yelping dog. All except Al and Mane lump up and run out door "F/') (Exit Al, door "PL") .^ ^.^ , Enter Hawlev, door "G," with a quantity ot mail to post. No others to enter during the re- mainder of this act.) Hawley. Good afternoon, Miss Mane? How are you to-day? , ^^ Marie. Quite well, thank you ! How have you heen since last night? , . ,. . -. ^f Hawley. Lonesome! I 'm m time for the at- ternoon mail, am I not ? ( Hands mail to Mane. ) Marie. In o;ood time. (Takes quantity ot maii from one of the hoxes, which she hands to Hawley, then comes from hehind counter and walks slow- ly with him to door "F," standing there until con- versation is finished.) , 1 -1 .-U-. Ilaiuley. Shall we have a horsehack nde this evening ? Marie. I will he delighted. ^ JIawley. Or would you rather go m the auto- mobile tins afternoon and have an early morning gallop ? Marie Yes ; I 'd like that better. (Padretti appears at door "G," unobserved by Marie and Hawley. Stands watching and listen- in f? to conversation.) Hawley. Shall we ask some of the others to go ? Marie^ I 'U speak to Annie and Bess. I don t 36 AL. martin's country store know whether they can. What did you think of the tennis game yesterday ? Hawley. It was quite exciting. I made a poor out of it, but you played so handsomely we won easily. Marie. The idea ! I never saw such a skill- ful player, and you would give me all the credit. Baioley. Have you read any of the book I brought you, or — ^no, I don't suppose you 've had a moment's time. Marie. I have, though, and I think it splen- did ! Isn't Jack a fine character ? I 'm so anxious to know how it terminates. But you mustn't tell me! Isn't it strange how people in books misunderstand each other. Ilaiulcy. And spend a miserable life when just a word would set everything right. I 'm glad we 're not "book" people, aren't you ? Marie (shyly). Um hum! Oh, did the films come ? Ilawley. Yes. We '11 snap that old mill this afternoon. Is there anything elVe of interest about here that we have missed? . Marie. I don't believe there is. Ilawley (leaving). Well, think hard, and tell me later! (Exit.) Padretti (aside). That confounded usurper will defeat all my plans. If I can't beat him by fair means, I '11 resort to foul. He shan't have that girl. I '11 fix him ! (Shows passion.) (Exit, door "G.") AL. martin's country STORE 37 (Enter Ned, Sam, and Jerry, door "F." Al at door "H.") Ned. Humph ! He knows just when to come, don't he ? Jerry. And when* to go, too, it seems. Ned. I 'd like to be a cracker barrel when he 's in here. Jerry. Oh, you 'd only be set down on ! Sam. Don't pay any attention to 'em, Marie. Whenever you know he 's coming, just tell me, and I '11 have a dog fight outside, and the boys '11 all leave like they did to-day. Marie (smiling). Thank you, Mr. Johnson. (Enter Mancly Spriggs, running.) Mandy (to audience). Is the doctor here? (Local doctor's name may be used, if desired.) Oar cow 's swallered a croquet ball, and we 're afraid she '11 have appendicitus. (Curtain.) ACT IV. A week later. Present: Al, Buck, Sam, Jerry, l^ed, Marie. (Enter Jim, running.) Jim. Oimme five cents' worth bluin, right awav quick ! All. What 's the hurry? This isn't Monday. Jim (speaks very rapidly; makes profuse mo- tions, etc.). Dat 's correc', sa ! But it 's des is way : Yer sees, ma, she 's mos' dreiful sick ! Yes, sa f Her eyes, cley jes roll and roll 'roun', and she 38 AL. martin's country store moans jes' like dat ghos' up at de house wliar' Beckie Smithers was tuk off ! My Ian' sakes, man, ain't yer goin' ter git dat, right dis minit? (Sees Al weigliing it.) Oh, ye didn' need bodder doin' nat ! Dat bigges' hunk '11 be miff. As I was sayin', she jes rolls her eyes — Al. She don't want this for her eyes, does she? Jim. Not dat way 't all ; but jes' you hurry like a cyclone ! De docta, he say she mus' do it jes' right away! Quid-! Al. Why she can't use it if she is so sick ! Jim. But I reckon dey '11 git tir'd fannin' her so long, and she might not las' till she gits de bluin'. AL Wh}^, what 's she going to do with it? Jim,. Oh, de 'stressines' ting 'bout it is her stommick. Yes, sir ! and de docta, he sez the only ting dat '11 do any g'ood is to diet. (Takes package and rushes out.) (Enter Eube at door "F." When he begins talk- ing, Gus appears at door and motions to attract Marie's attention. lie continues to make violent gestures, and Marie finally walks down to the door, arriving at the conclusion of Buck and Rube's conversation.) Ruhe. Ilowde, folks ! (All respond.) Gimme five pounds o' ten penny nails, Al. Buck (coming close to Eube). Rube, ye rather soaked me on that boss, don't ye think ? Ruhe. Naw; I guess I didn't Buck. Buclv. Didn't you say he 'd pull a thousand brick ? STORE 39 Ruhe. I snid he \1 orter. Have ye tried him? Buck. Tried ^im ! I hitched 'im to a light wagon, threw in live hundred brick, an' he wouldn't budge it ! Couldn't make 'im, any way ! I ])egan to throw out ])rick, and threw out almost all of them l)efore he 'ud start. He wouldn't pull nil thin' ! Buhe. Aw, now Buck, that boss 's smarter 'an you are ! He knew ye only had five hundred brick in there, an' he was waitin' fer ye to put in the other five hundred ! (The loafers laugh.) Buck. I don't think it was a fair deal, any- how. Jluhe. Say, Buck, lie liasnt got the heaves, has he? (Buck leaves in disgust. Eube finishes busi- ness.) Marie. What in the world is the matter with you, Gus? Gus. I jist wanted to give you this ! (Ador- ingly.) Now you eat every bite of it all yourself. (Hands her a big apple or orange.) Marie (smiling). Oh, thank you! That 's a beauty ! Gus (delighted). I got it jus' for you, Marie! Marie. You 're ever so kind. Good-by. (Exit Marie, door "H.") (Exit Gus, door "F.") (Enter Padretti, door "G." He waits at end of counter for Al to come forward.) 40 AL. MAirriN S country 8T0RE Padreiti. May I have a word in confidence witli you, Mr. Martin ? AL Certainly. Padretti. What I have to say is for you only. I do not want it repeated. Al. I '11 remember your request. Padretti. It is in reference to young Hawlcy. I see he is very attentive to your daughter. I think it my duty to inform you that he is not a proper person for her to associate with. I know whereo/ I speak. He is not what he represents himself to be. Al. Why, is it possilde ! Padretti. It 's but the truth, sir! It is not necessary to state where it took place; in fact, 1 need not enter into details at all. It was as base as it was appalling! But, my dear sir, it is dis- tressing for one to stand aside and allow an in- nocent girl to be duped ! You will understand why I speak to you in confidence. Al. Do you know these things to be true ? Padretti. I do. Only too true ! Al. Of your personal knowledge? Padretti. Of my personal knowledge. Al. I am very sorry to hear it. Padretti. You will not betray my confidence? Al. No; it 's not necessary. But I am very much distressed. Padretti. Good-day sir. (Exit door "G.") Al (aside). This is terrible. I have no reason to doubt the man's word. I shall have to ask Marie to dismiss him. It is sad, and bad ! AL. martin's COUXTRY STORE 41 (Enter Mandy.) Ned. Hello, ]\randv. How 3'ou comin'? Mandy. Forked end down. Ned. Gee! What 's up? Mandy. ^ly head. Ned. Golly I You 're sassy to-day. What you been takin' ? Mandy. Love drops. Ned. What fur ? Mandy. ' So 's I kin charm my feller. Ned. Who 's yer feller? Mandy. Jerry. Jerry. I hain't, neither. Mandy. Yes, y' are, loo. Yer said so yesself. Jerry. I never. That ain't so ! Mandy. Yes, 't is, and yer gave me a stick er j^eppermint candy. Jerry. I didnt. I wouldn't have no sich er gal as you. Mandy. I know it, 'cause I gave yer the l)Ounce. That 's what yer mad about. Jerry. Xo, yer didn't, neither. Mandy. Did, too. Xow I got a dandy feller. He 's twice as good as you. He gives me a hull sack full er candy at a pop. His face ain't in- growin'. Dad said when 3^ou was my feller I had lots more taste at the table than I had pickin' fel- lers. Watch fur my new beau, Jerry. (iMandv runs out.) (Enter Ealph Miller.) Sam. Good-day, schoolmaster; what 's the word ? 42 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE Ralph. Nothing of importance, I believe Everything is quiet in my line. Jerri/. A schoolmaster is supposed to kno^^ everything. Let me ask you a question. Can a sardine box? Ualpli. Xo, but a tomato can. Jerry. Did you ever see a ship spar ? Ralph. A"o, but T 've seen a rail fence, a ginger snap, a cracker box, the sausage roll, a bed spring, — Sani. And the night fall ! Ned. One of the funniest things was to see the sugar bowl. Jerry. Funnier than that was to see the milk shake and the apple turnover. Sam. Aw, stop ! Schoolmaster,' wot 's the word about the trolley. Ralph. They 're building this way rapidly. From the schoolhouse you can see them over on Eamsey's hill. Ned. They make a big cut there. Ralph. Thirty feet deep, I believe. Sam. Fellers, I ain't much given to talkin' about things I don't know about, but I 've hear'd some bad tales about that young -Hawley that 's runnin' the trolley. Have any of you heard it? Ralph. I heard some very disparaging reports to the effect that he is not the angel he represents himself to be. Sam. You hear'd an3^thing, Jerry? Jerry. Yes. Sam.. You, N'ed ? 1 AL. martin's country STORE 43 Ned. Sure. Heard it last week. He 's a bird, he is. Balph. His name is Harold Hawley, isn't it? The same name of the man that made himself famous by heroic deeds in South Africa. Singu- lar that the names should be the same. Ned. Mebby this feller appropriated that name on purpose. Ralph. Perhaps he did. Sam. Well, it 's too bad. I 'm allers sorry to hear evil reports a1)0ut anybody. Schoolmaster, tell us a story. Balph. I will relate a singular incident that I read last night. A Grcrman scientist — he could onl}^ have been Grerman — once conceived, we are told, a plan to train a fish to live out of water. He placed a thriving little carp in a small tank, and with infinite patience and groat exactness re- moved from the tank' one spoonful of water every day, at the same time increasing gradually the amonnt of oxygen in the water. Tn time the water barely covered the carp, and still it thriverl. The quantity of water continued to diminish, and, by sloAvlv adapting its method of breathing to the new conditions, the fish began to breathe air, and, indeed, became quite terrestrial in its habits be- fore the tank was entirely dry. The scientist had grown to love the carp. He fed it from his own hand, and now that it was living in the same ele- ment with himself, he took it from the tank and left it as free to follow its own devices as was the family cat. The little fish also loved its master. 44 AL. martin's country store It followed him aboiit from place to place, flop- ping along after him, stopping only occasionally to leap for a passing fly. One day the scientist was crossing a bridge. The carp, as usual, was at his heels, enjoying the pleasant air of the country- side and uttering from time to time a little sound expressive of delight and contentment. About the middle of the bridge a fat house-fly was sun- ning itself on the rail. The carp spied the fly and jumped for it, but, miscalculating the distance, went over the rail into the river — and was drowned. Ned. Git out ! Jerry. That 's a sure 'nough fish story. Sam. That 's a purty good tale, schoolmaster. Eight interestin'. Do you s'pose it 's true ? Miller. Can't say. I suppose so. Sam. Well, it 's w^onderf ul what things happen nowadays. People are gittin' aw^ful smart. (Enter Miss Simmons.) Miss S. Have you any goods to match this? (Shows sample.) . A/ (takes clown a bolt). This is the nearest. Miss S. That won't do at all. Haven't you anything nearer? Al. I 'm sorry to say I haven't. Miss S. What have you that will go with it ? (Al takes down and unrolls several pieces, which Miss S. examines.) Al. This would go with it nicelv. Miss S. I wouldn't like that. Al. How would this do? AL. martin's country STORE 45 Miss S. Oh, that wonlcln't do at all. AL Could you use this? Miss S. Oh, no ! That would he horrid. Have you anythinf^: else ? AL I don't helieve I have. Miss S. I should think you 'd keep more of a stock of such things. Will you be getting any new goods soon ? AL Our stock is all in for the season. ]\[iss S. Dear me ! That "s always the way in a little town. You never can get what you want. AL I 'm sorry. Perhaps they have more where you got this. Miss S. K"o, they haven't. It was a remnant. I wouldn't have taken it, 1)ut 1 supposed of course I could get more here if I didn't have enougji. AL 1 'm sorry to disappoint you. Where did you get this? Miss S. I sent to New York for it. AL Oh! Miss S. Well, what can I do? AL I 'm sure I don't know\ Miss S. I think vou might help me get it. AL I would he glad to, if I could. Miss S. I don't think vou care a bit. I believe you 're mad because I didn't buy it of you. I think vou 're real mean ! (Exit hastily.) Mandy (who has been behind Miss S. watching and listening). This is the poorest place to trade I ever saw. You can't either make a match or furnish a substitute. T don't believe you can even 46 AL. martin's country store strike a match. I did want to get something to go with Jerry, but I see I 11 jnst have to write to Henpeck for it. (Rushes ont, imitating Miss Simmons.) AL Marie, I would like a word with you. Marie. All right, daddy, what is it? (They walk down front.) AL I have some very bad news. I hate to tell you, but I must. I liave learned that young Hawley is a deceiver, and I — Marie. pa ! that is impossible ! AL I knew you would think so, but what 1 have Iciirncd romes from one who knows. He has been guilty of some vile — Marie. I do not l)elieve it. I cannot believe it. I know it is untrue. AL ]\rarie, listen. You know nothing of this young man except what you have seen in a few weeks past. He has appeared to be a gentleman, [ admit. But one who knew him before he came here has told me about him. He cannot be trusted. My daughter's good name must not be smirched by being associated with that of an ad- venturer. (Marie hides her face with handkerchief and weeps. ) Mai'ie (crying). What has lie done? AL It is not necessary for me to tell all I heard — Marie. Who told you? AL That I promised not to tell. But, my dear child, I trust you know your father's interest is in AL. martin's country STORE 47 his daughter first. I have carefully considered the matter, and I am sure the course I propose is right. You have trusted m)' judgment before, and vou were not sorry for it. I think it best that for a time you discontinue being in his company. Marie. 1 have niany engagements. A.l. Cancel them. Your good name must be- protected. Marie. Father, you are al^'ays just and kind. I suppose you are right, but I do not believe what you have heard is true. Al. I wish it could not be, but we must believe it. Will you tell him? Marie. I cannot. Al. Then I must. Marie. Xo, no, father ! Al. jMarie, write him a note. Write it any Way you wish, but tell him his attentions must cease. Tell him, if you please, that I said so. Marie. I will wTite the note, but I do not wish to Ije here to give it to him. Al. I will attend to the mail when he comes. (Marie turns to go.) Al. Marie. Marie (returning). Well, father. Al. If you wish, you might go for a visit to Cousin Alice for a fortnight. That will make it easier for you. Marie. Thank you, daddy. You are very kind. I believe I will. (Enter Buck and Squire Ilolden. Buck joins the loafers; Holden goes to counter.) 48 AL. MARTIX'S COUNTRY STORE Iloldeii. k\, how you selling granulated sugar to-day. Al. Six cents. II olden. Six cents! I see in the market re- ports it is quoted five and a half. How does it come you are so much higher? Al. That 's as cheap as 1 can sell it. Ilolden. Dear me ! Your exorbitant prices are atrocious. Al. How mam^ pounds did you want? Ilolden. One. Bnch. Boys, I \e decided to be a candidate for slierilf. This is the first I 've told any one, and I want to make things all right at home. Come and have a cigar with me. Al, give us your best. (All go to counter and take a cigar but Hol- den. ) Sam. Thank 'ee, Buck. We '11 remember ye. Jerry. Here 's wishin' vou success, Buck. Ned. We "ll all be for ye, Buck. Ilolden. Buck, T don't care for a cigar, I don't smoke, and if you don't object I '11 just take the nickel instead. (Buck pays bill and hands Holden a nickel. Others show disgust.) Bticl- (aside). If the old fool votes for me, it '11 be the cheapest vote I buy. But it '11 be the stinkenest. (Exit.) Iloldpu. If Bux:'k keeps that up, it '11 cost him an awful siglit to get elected, but I reckon the county '11 pay for it all. AL. MARTINIS COUNTRY STORE 49 Sam. Bijck '11 (i;ii thar all right, and he orter. Marie (conies forward and talks privately to A]). Pa, I have written the note, and now I ^m ffoino- out. It 's about time for him to come. (Sadly.) AL All right, Marie, I '11 attend to 'it. (Exit Marie.) (Enter Jim, running.) Jim. Is de schoolmasteh heah? Miller. Here ! Jim. I jis' want ter know who killed de dead sea ? (Exit quickly.) (Enter Hawley, door "G." Goes to post-office and receives mail from AL Goes toward door "I" slowly, opening a letter as he goes. Stops near door.) Ilawleij. Hello! What 's this? (Reads from a sheet of foolscap.) "You might as well know "first as last that the girl you are going with is my girl, and it is no use for you to try to cut me out. So vou will please leave her alone. Gus Eisley.^' (Thinks.) Why, that is that half-witted fellow that loafs here. Poor fool. Well, I 'm sorry to disappoint him, hut if I 'm not mistaken Marie is my girl. I hope so at least, and I mean to find out. (Opens l\Iarie's note.) Ah, here 's a note from her. Good. (Reads a moment, manner changes to show emotion.) Heavens! What has happened! (Reads.) "Dear Mr. Hawley: I have a very disagreeable task to perform. I am verv sorry, hut I must cancel all our engagements, and ask you not to call upon me for a time at 50 AL. least. ]\ly fatlier has heard some reports of which I do not know the nature, but wliicli I do not be- lieve, no matter what they are. My father thinks it best for me to take this step, and as I trust his judgment implicitly, and always obey him, I am following his dictates in this case. I am writing this note very much against my inclinations. Please do not answer or attempt to see me. I hope everything will be made right some time. I leave to-morrow for a visit to my cousin in the city. Marie.^' (With agitation.) What can have hap- pened ! What reports have they heard ? I must see her! But she says not. (Grows more calm.) I wonder if this could be a jok'^, or if some one else — no, it 's her writing. (Thinks a moment.) It appears that some one has l)Oon telling false re- ports about me, no doubt for no other purpose than to prevent my going witli lior. (With feel- ing.) Thank heaven, my life has l)een clean! I am not afraid of anv true report they can make. If they accuse me falselv, it cannot stand. Eight is right, and right Avill win. I will wait and con- quer yet ! (Curtain.) ACT V. A month later. Present: Al Martin, Sam, Jerry, Ned, Tom, Buck, and Miller; one or two customers making purchases. (Enter Squire Hoi den. About same time Jim and Mand}^ enter and listen to his- conversation with Al.) AL. MAETTN^S COUNTRY STORE 51 Tt olden. Al, I want to ask a favor oi yon. I wonld dearly love to have some corn for dinner, and 1 hate to Iniy a can. Won't yon loan me one? 1 "11 keep the can, and when my corn is ripe I ^11 fill the can and bring it back to yon as good as new, Al. NTo, of course not. (After a moment.) Here, Sqnire Holden, (takes can from shelf,) if yon are so poor, I '11 jnst give yon a can. Mandy. Say, Mr. Martin, won't yon please loan me -three or fonr sticks of pepperinint candy for a while. T woii't do "anything but lick 'em all 'roiiml. I '11 give 'em back to yon jnst as good as ever. Jim. Mistah Mahtin, I 'm dreadfnl in need of er pair of socks. Won't yer loan me a par fnr a week er so? I '11 bring 'em back Jist as good look- in' as new, and a^jpow_erfnl sight stronger. Mandy. And say, Mr. Martin, won't yon let me chew a stick of gnm a while. I '11 keep tlie paper clean and give it back, so 's yon can sell it. Tlolden. What, yon brats ! Are yon mocking me? I '11 skin your miserable hides off your l^acks. (Gral)s for them, but they evade him and keep out of his reach.) Jim. Ketch me, ye ole skinflint. Yah! yah! Mandy. Say, Squire, ye ain't as good at run- nin' as ye are at squuezin' pennies, are ye? Ta, ta ! (Plolden dashes after them; they exit differ- ent doors.) (Enter Eev. John Wesley Asbury, door "G.^') AfJmry. Good-day, gentlemen. ^ly name is 52 AL. martin's country store Asl)iiry. I am the new Methodist preacher. I 've just been appointed to this work, and I always make it a point to get acquainted at once. (To AL) You are the storekeeper, I suppose? Ghid to meet you. (Shakes hands.) AL Very glad to meet you, Mr. Ashury, and to have you with us. Let me introduce you to these gentlemen. (Introduces them one by one, each arising and shaking hands, expressing some greeting. ) Ashury. Well, gentlemen, I hope you are all members of my flock, but if you 're not, I '11 be glad to see you at service, anyway. Come, all of you. (Enter Harold, who starts for post office; meets Asbury. ) Ashury. Why, Harold, my bo}^, how do you do ! Bless my soul ! I 'm glad to see you ! What are you doing here? Harold. I 'm delighted to meet you, Brother Asbury. I'm with the trolley company that is running a line through here. How do you come to be here ? Ashury. This is my new appointment. Con- ference is just over, and I came to get acquainted. I knew you v/ere doing civil engineering this year, but had no idea I 'd find 3'Ou here. How are you? Harold. Quite Avell, thank jom. How are you and yours? Ashury. We are all well. How is mother and sister ? AL. MAKTTN's country STORE 53 Uawleij. Quite well the last I heard from them. Ashury. I haven't seen any of you for over a year. Give my love to them, when you write. Will you he here long? Harold. Oif and on for some months yet. Ashury. I 'm glad to hear it. I '11 he moved in a week, and I want you to come to the parsonage every day. Harold. Thank you. I will he pleased to see you often. Sam. Parson, tell us a story hefore you go. (Ko one to enter during remainder of the play, except those who have part.) Ashury. A story? With pleasure. I can tell you a story of a hero worth knowing. A story that is every word true. My hero, whom I have known all his life, and who was a model hoy from the first, was educated at a university on one of our Great Lakes, f Harold slips out unnoticed.) I pass over this part quickly, hecause it isn't the main part of the story. It is nothing that a boat was Avrecked off the coast on a stormy night, and all hope of saving the souls on board was aban- doned. It is nothing that he, refusing to listen to the persuasion of all others, fastened a line about his waist and threw himself into the stormy lake. Three times he was thrown back by the fierce waves, but although cut and bleeding he braved the waves again. At length, almost life- less, he reached the vessel and was helped aboard, the line was made fast to a cable, the cable drawn 54 AL. MAKTIX'S COUXTIJY STOEE in, and the passengers and crew saved. This is just introductory to tlie real story. This same young man was selected for important and haz- ardous work in connection with the great rail- road that is to connect Egypt with South Africa. He was thought to he specially fitted for the un- dertaking, which required tact, ingenuity, sound Judgment, and great foresight. He more than proved the wisdom of the choice. The company under his leadership, in passin-g through an un- explored section of Central Africa, came unex- pectedly upon evidences of rich mineral wealth. Careful exam.ination was made, and it was shown that hoth gold and diamonds were present in un- usual profusion. The surveys were carefully made, and the records completed. Some days afterward, while pressing their way farther north, i' was made known to my hero that a plan had hocn projected to destroy the railroad surveys, throw the route ya another direction, appropriate the valuable information and papers that belonged ^o the company, rob them of what they had paid for, and turn traitors to their employers, the gov- ernment. Mv hero was invited to share in the profits of this diabolical scheme. This he re- fused to do. He was entreated, l)ut to no pur- pose. He was then informed that they intended to carry out their scheme, and unless he joined them they woulrl kill l^im and go onf without him. He told them he preferred death to such infamy. They bound him and one native servant, who was too much attached to him for them to trust, to AL. MxVRTIN'S COUNTRY STOKE 55 a tree, in tlie jungle, and left them for v.'ikl beasts to devour. I cannot tell you all the horrors he endured. I must hasten with my story. He managed to break the bonds and free himself and his servant. He set out to retrace the miles they had come, through dangerous and difficult Lec- tions, without food or weapons. Finally, after m.onths of weary wandering, covering many avv-fud experiences, having had fever often, been pursued by wild beasts, forced to live on ants and raw beans, he arrived, sick and starved, at a settle- ment. There fiuding heln, he pushed on to head- quarters, where telegraphic communication re- vealed the fact that the traitorous band had never reached civilization. Learning this, he organized a relief party, and, although sick and undone, he retraced his steps again to the scene of his de- sertion, and from there began a long and weary hunt for his enemies. His heart was moved to do this, not so much to recover the property, for his own safe return made sure the important finds, but he loved his enemies, and he sought them for their relief. He knew they must be perishing. x\fter many disappointments and much anxiety, he at last found himself on their trail, and, mak- ing a fierce march by night and day, he finally came upon their camp, and found what was left of them, too weak and sick to resist, even if he had rnmo as a warrior. They had had a terrible time. They had lost their way, wandered into the most dangerous section of the country. More than half of them had perished of the fever or hunger. K 56 AL. martin's country store and the others were thoroughly repentant. My hero afforded them all the relief possible, and led the party back to civilization. Then he found it necessary to look after his own health. Ho sailed for honie^, spent a few months in recreation, but finding it distasteful to be unemployed, he entered the service of the Trolley Company, pre- ferring an active, useful life while regaining his health. And so I want to introduce to you my friend of many years, Mr. Harold llawloy, the famous African adventurer. (Turns and finds Harold gone.) Why, where is the boy? AL He slipped out some time ago. This is a wonderful and interesting story you have told, Mr. Asbury. Did you say it was true ? Ashury. Every word of it. Miller, And you are sure this Harold Hawley is the same one that had the African experience ? Ashury. Sure? Haven't I known him since he was a baby ? Haven't I kept track of him con- stantly. Of course, I 'm sure. Al. Then T think perhaps an injustice has been done him, or else you are deceived. It is reported here that he has been guilty of outrageous con- duct. If it is not true, I would like to know it. Ashury. I am not deceived. I know him per- fectly. He is as pure as a lily. Of what is he ac- cused ? Al. The person who told me pledged me to se- crecy, but gave no particulars. However, he said he knew the charges to be true of his own personal knowledsfe. 57 Sam. Al, I Ve been thinkin' about them charges fur some time. Seems to me they 're purty general. Maybe we 've been gulled. I \e a notion that the same feller has told all of us, and made us say we wouldn't tell. I 'm goin' to say it was the music teacher that told me. How about you, Ned? Ned. He told me, too. Sam. You, schoolmaster? Miller. Yes. Al. I might as well say he told me, too. He seemed to make a pretty strong case, but, as Sam says, he simply claimed to know, and didn't make any specific charges. Ashury. Is this man responsible? Al. I can't say. I know little of him. I am beginning to think I see through his scheme. I believe it is blackmail. Ashury. I 'd like to face the man. (Enter Padretti.) Al. Here he comes now. Come this way, Pad- retti. (Padretti joins the group.) Padretti, you told me some time ago that certain charges made ])y you against an individual were true to your own personal knowledge. Do you repeat the charge ? Padretti (boldly). You have betrayed my con- fid once, have you? Al. There was no confidence to betray. You told me nothing except what you told many oth- ers. I want to know if you still say you person- ally know the charges to be true. 58 AL. martin's country store PadreUi. I can prove all 1 asserted. Al. Where did these things occur ? PadreUi. At a village in an adjoining State. Al. When? PadreUi. A year ago. Al. What is the nature of the charges? PadreUi. I will not enter into details. They were sufficient to warrant my assertions. Al. The conduct was immoral — criminal? PadreUi. Yes. Al. Were you in the same village at the time ? PadreUi. Yes. Ashunj (warmly). Whatever the charges are, immoral or criminal, if they have to do with Har- old Hawley, they are false I PadreUi. I don't know you, sir ! Ashury. You will know me soon enough. I repeat ! If your charges are against Harold Haw- ley, they are false, and you, the author of them, are a scoundrel and a blackmailer. Your own mouth proves this, for Harold Hawley was in Africa a year ago. PadreUi (stammering). Oh — I — ah — perhaps I am mistaken in the person — Ashury. 'Ko, you are not mistaken. You are a scoundrel, and unless you acknowledge yourself a liar, preacher as I am, I will see that you get your deserts ! (Corey has entered during the last remarks.) Al. Mr. Corey, do you know your secretary, Mr. Hawley, to be the same Harold Hawley that had the remarkable experience in Africa? AL. martin's country STORE 59 Corey. 1 do. Al. And was he there a year ago ? Corey. I know that he was — I was with him. Al. This fellow (pointing to Padretti) has charged Hawley with immoral conduct that oc- curred a year ago in this coimtry. Corey. It is false. (Looks at Padretti.) Why, if I am not mistaken. (Looks closely at Pad- retti.) ^N'o, I am not mistaken. Why, this is the same villain that went nnder the name of Castello five years ago in "N"ew Mexico. I know him hy that scar over his ear. Of all contemptible wretches, this is the worst. There isn't a crime in the catalogue of which he is capable that he isn't guilty of. He broke Jail and escaped, and the authorities thought it such good riddance that they didn't even look for him. He beat a poor widow out of a board-bill of $150, and I bought the claim in order that she might not lose the money. If I can find an officer before you leave the county, sir, I '11 have you up for it ! (Padretti attempts to go. Asbury grasps his arm.) Ashury. One moment. I am not through yet. You may escape justice, but not until you have admitted that 3^ou lied about Harold Hawley. Padretti (cringing). I — I guess you are right _I did— I lied. Ashnry (releasing him). Now, go, and may the Lord have mercv on your soul ! (Enter Hawley at door "F.") (Padretti sneaks out door ^^O.") 60 AL. martin's country store Al (taking HawlG3^'s hand). Mr. Hawley, I want to beg your pardon. 1 heard some charges against your character, and as my informant said he personally knew them to be true, I was led to doubt* yon, and doing so requested my daughter to write the note 3^ou received. I am responsible for her action. I regret my mistake very much. llawley. You are not to blame, Mr. Martin, although I confess I did not understand what had happened. But I knew I was guilty of nothing, and that truth would prevail ! (Marie, in traveling costume, opens door "H." Seeing the crowd, she is about to retreat, when her fatlier sees her.) Al. Come here, please, Marie. I 'm glad to see you back, my daughter. (Advances to meet her, and greets her fondly. Eeturning, Al continues.) Marie, I was misinformed about jMr. Hawley. The villain lied to me. I have just explained matters to Mr. Hawley, and begged his pardon. I am sorry for the mistake I made, and will be glad to see you friends again. Marie. How do, everybody. (Smiles at them all. Passes on to llawley, who is in front, and extends her hand. They walk front.) ^Mr. Hawley, I 'm so glad ! 1 did not know what you were accused of doing, but I was sure you were innocent, Corey. Mr. Martin, T would like to give you a check for my account. ' Al. All right. I will see what the amount is. (Al and Corey go to desk at "C." ' Al behind AL. martin's country store 61 counter. Asbury remains in front of counter at Hawley. Thank you, Marie ! I 'm so glad to see you, and doubly so, since I am permitted to be your friend again! Have you still a place for me? Marie. Oh, yes, Mr. Hawley ! I was so sorry to leave, but I couldn't bear to stay here and— that is — (While Marie is speaking, Sam walks to wni- dow and looks out. Sam. Dog fight, boys ! dog fight ! (Rushes out door "F," followed by all the loafers.) Hawley. Hid you really care, little girl? Would you have missed me ? Hid you while you were gone? (Eagerly.) Marie. Whv. to be sure I did ! Hawley. I ^learned something about you while you were awav. By the way, the package came this morning— the little trademark I wanted to show you. ^Open it! (Takes from pocket and gives to Marie.) Marie. Why, it is from London! (Tears oft paper and opens.) Hawley. Hm-hum ! Marie. What did vou hear ? Hawley. I din't hear. I learned, or discov- ered— Marie. What? Hawley. That unless you can help me out, the trademark will be worthless ! 62 AL. martin's country store Marie. Oh ! why, Mr. Hawley ! It 's a diamond ring ! I — I thought it was a trademark ! Hawley. That represents my husiness, dear, present and past ! Marie. Why, Mr. Hawley ! Asbury (Avho has walked up behind Hawley and Marie). Seems to me I could add interest to this scene. Hawley. Why, yes, pardon me. Marie, here is your new pastor, the Rev. Mr. Asbury. He is — or was — my best friend — until I knew you. Asbury. Most always look for a preacher around when a diamond flashes like that, eh, Haw- ley ? Did I hear you say something about a trade- mark ? Gold and diamonds ! Couldn't hit it closer. It 's a genuine African stone, too. When shall I come? Hawley (slipping ring on Marie's finger). As soon as Marie sets the date. Marie (playing with ring, looking up shyly). I — I don't think I could get ready in less than three weeks. Asbury (to audience). Ladies and gentlemen, you are all invited to witness the ceremony, which iLwnt be performed in Al Martin's Country Store. (Mandy. enters door "G" early in above conver- sation, passes behind Marie and Harold, and joins Jim, who enters at door "F," about center of stage. They watch proceedings with Interest, and as curtain is about to drop, reproduce the scene in pantomime. Jim takes from his trousers' pocket a large and showy ring, with an enormous AL. martin's country STORE G3 set; and places on Mandy's finger with burlesque dramatic action.) Jim (as curtain drops). Dem folks furgot somepin, Mandy. Illandij. What? Jim. Dis. (Gives a resounding smack and makes an etfort to kiss Mandy. Curtain drops on this performance.) Curtain. NOV 27 1903 LIBRARY