Rnnk ^ <^ US' By bequest of William Lukens Shoemaker K 1^ i 7> THE OBLIVIAD. A SATIRE. THE GULF OF OBLIVION THE O B L I V I A D: ^ Satire. WITH NOTES. TOGKTHER WITH Additional Notes, Preface, AND ■ ' Supplement, BY THE AMERICAN EDITOR. AND The Perpetual Commentary OF THE ATHEN^UM. A^dri KaTeve/x-fidriffuv. Dioin. Scliol., ajnid Bent. ws ore Tix .l). 4 \ols. 8\o. London, 1849. Spectator, The, In I5ritish Essayists. Py Alexander Chalmers, F.S.A. 8 vols. i2mo. London, 1808. Spence, Rev. Joseph. Anecdotes of Hooks and Men. Published, with Notes, by S. W. Singer. 8vo. London, MDCCCXX. Squyre of Lowe Dec.re. 4to. London. " Strange and whim- sical, but genuine I'.nglish performance." Ritson. Stanihurst, RlCHARP. The First Four Ikiokes of Virgil's yEneis, Translated by, into English heroicall verse. 8vo. London, 1583. Stowe, Mrs., \'indicated. With photographs, from Nature. Ed. 15. 8vo. 2 vols. Poston, 1878. LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 23 Srowi;, IlARRIlcr IJkI'CIIKR. Lady IJyrou V^indicatcd : A His- tory of the Hyroii Controversy. 121110. IJoston, uSyo. Straisonis Rorum (leographicaniin Lil)ri XVII. (ir. et Lat. Cum Variorum Animadversi(5iiilji.is. 2 vol. Fol. Oxon., 1807. Swift, Jonathan, the Works of, witli lafc and Notes, l)y Scott. 8vo. 19 vols, luliii., 1814. Tasso, Torquato, La Ccrusalemmc Liljcrata di, con Ic Anno- tazioni di (k'ntiii e di Cuastavini. Fol. Roma, MDCCLVIL ThacKKRAY Fran. The History of Pendennis. 3 vols. 121110. Leipsig, 1849. Theobald, Lkwis. The Persian Princess ; or. Royal Villain : a Play. 121110. 1715. Thucydidis de Bello Peloponnesiaco Lib. oct. C,r. et Lat. Ex reccns. Wassii et Dukeri. 8v(). 8 vol. Clasgua', 1759. TlSSOT, sur rOnanisme. i2mo. Lausanne, 1791. Tribunk, The. A Newspaper, published daily, Sunday excepted, in New York, U. S., N. A. Tristan, llisloire du Tres-vaillant, Noble, et excellent Cheva- lier. Redigcc par Luce, Chevalier. Fol. 2 vol. Rouen, Mil. CCCC.IIILXX ct IX. TURI'INI de Vita Caroli Magni et Rolandi llistoria, emendata et illustrata a Sebast. Cianipi. 8vo. Florentiiu, 1822. Idem. Archcvcsquc de Reims, La Chronique de, faisant inention de la conqueste de Trebizonde. 8vo. Lyon, 1583. Ul.PlANI DoMITll quic vocant Fragmenta. Curavit Custavus Hugo. 8vo. Perolini, 1834. Varronis, M. Tkricntii. Opera quic supcrsunt. Jos. Scalig. Kxcudebat II. Stephanus, in-8. Anno 1573. VlD/IC CrkmonKNSIS, de Arte Poetica, lib. 1 II. Poeniat. Didasc. emcntl. ()li\et. 121110. Vol. 3. Parisiis, 1813. Vigneul-Marvii.1,1.;. Melanges d'llistoire et de Litterature. Nouvelle ICdition. 121110. 3 vols. Roiien, M.DCCL 24 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. ViRGlLll Maronis Opera. Interpret, ct Not. Riueus. Secunda editio. 4to. Amstclodami, M.DC.LXXXX. VlTRUVll de Architectura libri X., cum Notis variorum. Joan, de Laet. Fol. Amstelod., 1649. VOPISCUS, Flavius, apud Hist. August Script. Sex. Isaacus Ca- saubonus ex vett. libris recensuit. 4to. Parisiis, M.DCIII. Walpole, Horace, Manuscript Note on Bayle. voc. Brachmans. Philes, Philobiblion. New York, 1862. Warton, Joseph, D.D. Essay on the Genius and Writings of Alexander Pope. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 1756. WiNKELMANN. Histoire de I'Art chcz les Anciens, trad, de I'alle- mand. 4to. 3 vols. Paris, 1802. WORMll Olai Danica Litteratura Antiquissima, cui accessit de prisca Danorum Poesi Disscrtatio. Fol. Hafniie, 1650. Ejusdem. Hist. Animal, quod in Norvag. e Nub. decid. i2mo. Hafnias, 1653. Young, Edward, The Poetical Works of. i2mo. 4 vols. Lon- don, 1774. ZoiLI, Homeromastigis, Opera Omnia, in Oblivione recondita. Tamesis. Olymp., VC. CATALOGUS VITANDORUM. Dixon, W. Hepworth. Spiritual Wives. 2 vols, 8vo. London : 1868. Dove of St. Mark, in Songs of Italy : by Joaquin Miller. i8mo. Boston : 1878. Fanny Hill, or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. John Cle- land. 2 vols. i2mo. London : 1750. Harlot, History of, with the Names of the principal Pimps and Puffers in her pay. 4to. Wellington Street, Strand, London : 1868. LauS Veneris, and other Poems and Ballads. By Algernon Charles Swinburne. London : M DCCC LXVI. Petronii Lusus Diversorum Poetarum in Priapum. Cum notis varior. 8vo. Leipsiae : 1781. 2 THE O B L I V I A D A SATIRE. PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. THIS Satire was put to press a few years since in England, but, before publication, was suppressed, by influence of some of those therein ridiculed. The only copy saved, and this even in detached sheets and proofs, having come into the possession of an American gentle- man, himself an author, and who then had some business in London, he thinks the present a good opportunity, and desires now to offer it to the world, as a work it would willingly form a judgment of: from which, as well as from another recent instance, it would appear, that America, long the refuge of patriotism, is now also likely to become that of wit. Precisely in this way, as the Reader doubtless remem- bers, came out also the first edition of the Dunciad ; of which the editor writes, " How I came possest of this Poem, is of no concern to the Reader ; but it would have been a wrong to him, had I detained this publica- tion : since those Names which are its chief ornaments, die off daily so fast, as must render it too soon unintel- 28 PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. ligible. If it provoke the Author to give us a more per- fect edition, I have my end. Who he is," the editor concludes by saying, " I cannot tell, and (which is great pity), there is certainly nothing in his style and manner of writing which can distinguish or discover him." But the curious part is, that both Dunciad and Obliviad, having been written in London, should have appeared, thus anonymously, in remote countries, the one in America, the other in Ireland ; at that time, for every purpose, considering the operation of steam and electri- city, at as great a distance from England as America is now. Why the Author, whoever he may be, should thus have wished to keep his name concealed, it is not diffi- cult to conjecture ; besides the Dunciad, many other satires have come out in this manner, among which I may mention Young's, and the Pursuits of Literature,* with Rubeta, a Production of our own ; an anonymous publication may be used to give an impulse to curiosity, but chiefly to screen the author, who may have ridiculed friends as well as enemies, and might not wish to double the number of the latter, by an offence given to both ; which is often not the less felt though but a jest be in- tended ; for, leviter volat, sed graviter vulncrat. Some eminent names have been mentioned ; but very much at a venture, since the Author has taken the most effectual way to conceal himself by writing in a style not at all of the present day, but rather in that of what is sometimes * Pursuits of Literaiure.'l The author of which work writes tlnis of the author of the " Baviad," an Imitation of the fir.it Satire of Persius : " He has divulged his name imprudctitly. Such compositions require secrecy for their effect ; especially if they are published at an early period of life, and still more if the poet commences his career with satire." The Pursuits of Literature. Am. Ed. PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR, 29 spoken of as the classical period of our language : at least, so it appears to me. It is now more than half a century since any thing of this description, with some trivial exceptions, has been published ; on which account, Literary Satire is little familiar to the present age, though very much needing it, by reason both of the immoral tendency of some writings, and the degeneracy of taste in all. As it was necessary to find a hero for the piece, which is formed upon a fable, that man especially was chosen who was most conspicuous as well in one of these respects as the other ; one, let it be remembered, who has been outrageously disrespectful to ourselves, and whose only excuse for the indecent views of life he has drawn, is, that the Americans sat for the picture. He it was, as editor of the ^'leading literary jonrjial" in England, with the wealthy owners of it, who endeavoured to strangle this Publication in the cradle : he has been here recently, and given lectures ; but his real business was to collect materials for new books and new insults. Against him the Author appears in a particular manner incensed ; and, indeed, he is used very much as was the keeper by the elephant he had goaded, who trampled him under foot, and, as if for his sport, tossed again and again into the air. However, not this man only ; Browning, Swinburne, Dickens, with a host of others, occupy the view ; and, as in the Iliad, through whole books the principal character is withdrawn ; until, in the end, he receives the coitp-de-grace, with the well-merited chastisement. In fact, as a general perversion of taste is assumed, so the Author attacks all modern writers almost indiscrimi- nately, American as well as British, male and female. He sees them all sinking into one common pool of Obli- 30 PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. vion, and drags them up, one after another, to examine and describe them. His opinions entirely coincide with my own, and, I am satisfied, with that of the large mass of the PubHc. Almost every thing published is a novel, or assumes the form of one ; people are allured to read, and then speak of the "trash" which they have read. The times, therefore, are propitious for satire ; since there wants but ridicule to give an edge to that censure already present in the minds of all of us. Ridicule, as elsewhere styled by the Author, that last resource when argument and reproof have failed, is in the very essence of satire ; this tends to exaggeration, as we view grubs in a microscope ; plainness of lan- guage adds to the effect, and images apparently coarse are sometimes found necessary to complete it. This is said lest the Author should be exposed to an undeserved reproach ; from which, further, he is amply defended by the example of Dryden, Pope, and Swift : authors with whom in this, as well as in other respects, we must com- pare him (though it be but iuipar congressns,) if we would know what he is, or assign him a place in the ranks of the Invective. The numerous Notes attached contribute to vary the Reader's entertainment, a sort of side dishes, or hors (Tcetivres, shall I call them ; to which Notes the Editor has added a few, subscribed Am. Ed., with the design of explaining London localities, and of illustrating some passages. Side by side with these, the Commentaries of the Athenaeum will also be found, in loc.^ with Ed. Ath. below. A few interpolated passages, when not marked by inverted commas, the anachronism will' readily distin- guish. PREFACE THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS AT no period, I believe, in the history of our Litera- ture has it been at once so popular and so worthless as at present. Such, in fact, is the infatuation of both writer and reader, that Reason addresses them in vain, and there is left us but the last resort in Ridicule, This once felt, the way is open for proof; and it is then, with united forces, both of our light and heavy, that we carry the point. In a word. Satire takes the field, inodo tristi, scBpe jocoso ; but if she too fail, and that national taste, like national spirit, once debased, can never after- wards be restored, there is no help for it, but admit the Vandals. Prepare, therefore, to see our monuments overthrown, our Universities shut up. Pope and Addison neglected, and, since things are coming to the worst, Browning and Bulwer read. "Literature," said Napoleon, "has become the food of the Vulgar, while it ought to have been reserved ex- clusively for people of taste. " That which once, indeed, while it entertained the scholar, disdained not to teach others, now addresses itself entirely to the crowd, and falls to the level of their deficiencies ; for such have at length become by far the largest body of readers, Th^ result is that every thing is careless and incorrect ; hastily 32 PREFACE THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS. compiled ; and with an eye more to the quantity than the dehcacy of the feast. A three volume novel of the most inartificial construction, false to nature, or follow- ing her with a mechanical servility ; a book of travels, written in a few weeks, and made up of the most trivial particulars ; a poem which is but a romance in verse, with enough perhaps of the uncommon and fantastic to make a mode : these are the belles-lettres " of the peri- od ; " and the once famous union of elegance with know- ledge and instruction can no longer be endured. The pride of our literature is, in fact, sneered at by those of the new school ; which if any one doubt, let him ask Mr. Anthony Trollope, or hear him speak at those public dinners of which he appears to be so fond. The Chinese, as we know, have two species of religion ; one, a grosser superstition, with many idols, for the multitude ; another, formed on^ the precepts of Confu- cius, for the few. Such is the utmost I can hope for the condition of the nation at present ; that we have yet a re- spectable body amongst us who revere the great doc- tors of our learning, religiously peruse their books, and view with a mixture of disdain and pity the abject fol- lowers of Dixon, Dickens, Morris, and the rest. But if there is a decay of Taste, have we not the ad- vantage, you say, on the side of Morals ? Youth is now early introduced to vice, and made to know the world. So that when he enters upon life, the betting-room and the brothel, among other things, are familiar by antici- pation, and he knows already to distinguish a jade in the one place as the other. Elopement, bigamy, incest, intrigue, adultery, poison, manslaughter, murder, de- bauchery, theft, forgery, with all such, are made easy in the novel, as Miss Braddon, for example, has written it, and the mind receives no distaste for study. Or if, hav- PREFACE THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS. 33 ing passed youth without this advantage, one desires simply to lead a virtuous life, has he not a couple of volumes which shew, among other things, that to debauch his neighbour's wife, is, by " higher law," no breach of the commandment ? so easy is it, by the new way, to be good. The objection is ingenious ; but before proceeding to reply, perhaps I had better await a new book on a " high- er law" for taste also, by the Author of the two just mentioned volumes, of which he weekly gives us some specimens, and examine both together, as well to obtain time to arrange my remarks, as for the sake of brevity, of which I am willing to shew a very necessary example. PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL SINCE acknowledged universally tliat " this nineteenth century" has surpassed all others, and left them be- hind, as it were, in the race of merit, as of time, the only desire is that an ample memorial be kept of it, and a com- plete record compiled, before too late, of the illustrious, but chiefly of our* authors, whose numbers so increase that few or none can recall their names, to say nothing of their works. I confess that, so far as I am concerned, having naturally a bad f memory, though without the excuse of being a wit, I find myself bewildered in the throng of excellence, and have written out, in alphabeti- cal order, a list of authors, until commencing with Ains- worth, I can already repeat as far as Browning. In ad- dition to which, since the Cretans:}: put their laws into * But chiefly of our Au//iors.] Of whom, the Author might have added, to justify his undertaking, Ur. Johnson declared, that the renown of every nation rested chiefly upon them. Am. Ed. I A bad memory. \ " Wits have short Memories and Dunces none." DuNciAD, B. iv. V. 620. Am. Ed. \ The Creta)is\ An instance judiciously selected, as tlie Cretans were fnmous for legislation, especially under Minos, who afterwartls was elected Judge of the Supreme Court in the Lozver Regions. Am. Eu. 36 PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. verse, and that the Germans* set the alphabet to music, I have sought some method of this sort, that the ear might assist the understanding, and have with that aim expressly composed the following poem, into which I have inserted as many of the freshest and most modern names as it could possibly hold.f Which poem repeat- ing often, sometimes as I lie wakeful at night, I can now sing off some six thousand names, over and above those which, with aid of my catalogue, I had before attained to. What, therefore, I propose is, that, with assistance from Government, or, that failing, with patronage of some wealthy Publisher, having completed my alpha- betical list, (a thing of years), it shall be made the main end of education, in primary schools, upper schools, and Universities, to con it over, to the neglect of all other parts of study ; that scholar being esteemed most learned who can call most names, as he is in China J who can repeat the greatest number of letters : and that, mean- while, and subsequently also, the verses which I have * The Ger>iians.\ Another instance of judgment, as the Germans are renowned for Music ; whence it used to be saiii, that the nations ruled wrlh a divided empire, France the land, England the sea, and Germany tlie air. Am. Ed. f Possibly hold.] I have already quoted from Dr. Johnson, the great Minos of criticism ; let me quote him again, where he says, that the chief merit of a Compiler is to put into his book all it can hold. Am. Ed. X As he is in China, &'c.'\ The exact number of characters, or letters, in the Chinese Dictionary, or alphabet, is 42,718, of which it is deemed suf- ficient to know 9,cxx), to fill the place of Imperial Historian ; as we learn from M. Stanislas Julien, Exercices Pratiques de Lexigraphie Chinoise. Avant-propos. Whence our Author might have taken a hint, and instead of requiring the student, however industrious, to commit to memory the entire list, should have deemed tlie one-fifth, or a selection from theclioicest names, sufTicient, as is the usage among tlie Chinese. Am. Ed, PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. 37 arranged to the same end, that is to say, the following Poem, be universally studied, and stowed away in the cranium of each, to the extent of his capacity, " Nocturna versate manu, versate diurna." The toil of which if great, let us weigh the advantages. First, this question of education * is finally settled. Se- cond, that other dispute of the Classics f is put to rest also ; for setting aside that we surpass our predecessors, Ancient as well as Modern, and therefore have no use of them, our time is little enough for ourselves. Third, since merit, like water, can not mount above its level, and that we have already reached the highest, there is no need for new Authors, who, in vain attempts to as- cend, must only knock their heads against the impossible. Nor need, (I may add, as a corollary to the foregoing,) of other books than the list above described, and the Poem, which, like the Koran, J as they contain all that is essential, the remainder are superfluous, and may be destroyed. I expect objections to rny proposal. Some, in the pride of popularity, may imagine that it requires noth- ing adventitious to keep them in recollection ; as if there were no limits to the human mind, and that every man * Question of education^ (S"^.] Namely, whether education should he extended among the Public, and what it should consist of: questions in English politicks. Am. Ed. \ Disftite of the classics i\ Wlielher they should not be dispensed with altogether; a heresy first moved in Scotland, and lately in England. Am. Ed. X Like the Koran, (i-=^.] We learn, on the authority of Abulpharagius, that the Caliph Omar consigned the famous Alexandrian Library to the flames: for, said he, if the books agree with the book of Ood, they are superfluous; if they disagree, they are pernici(nis, and ought to be tle- stroyed. Am. Eu. 38 PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. was a Syrus, who could call the roll of his soldiers, or a Scipio, who could salute by name all the citizens. Others, out of a suspicion natural to such, may fancy that I design but a sort of satire upon them ; when, in reality, I write but as the politic French understand raillery, a seeming censure, but real compliment ; in-so- much that the following, especially, had better be styled a Complimentary Poem, into which are hoisted only the most deserving names, and the prime favourites of the Public. Of whom the more discerning must soon be conscious how much they are indebted to me; who otherwise had sunk into a long night, where the God- desses of Oblivion were certain to seize them : " carpere lividas Obliviones." With more reason do I fear the reproaches of each who, with equal claims, finds no remembrance ; and who having written himself doivn* a thing it has been said which none but the author can do for himself, discovers that I have made no effort to write him up, an art quite in the power of another, as the reviewers and puffers of the day can all testify. To lessen whose chagrin, let me inform such, and all those who on looking at the Index, miss their names from it, that it is my design to add a fifth book to the Obliviad, as a fourth f was added to the * IVritteu himself down, S^c.\ When, in the famous controversy be- tween Bentley and Boyle, on the Epistles of Phalaris, the opponents of Bentley threatened to write him down, he replied that to write an author down none could do but the autlior himself. Am. Ed. f As a fourth ivas add^cf to the Duticiad\ At the suggestion of War- burton ; whereby the unity and coherence of this famous Satire, through introduction of foreign topics, were much injured; a warning to our Au- thor. Am. Ed. PREFACE THE SECOND ; OR, IRONICAL. 39 Dunciad, that all may be treated alike, and that it shall be in the power of no man to accuse me of partiality. For in this matter, I repeat, I am entirely disinterested, having neither friendship nor enmity to gratify, and aim- ing only at general * approbation. * Aiming only at general approbation.\ Modest enough, it must be allowed. Am. Ed. ADVERTISEMENT. REWARD. If any Person be possessed of a more perfect copy of this Work, or of any Fragments of it, and will communicate them to the Publisher, we shall make the next Edition more complete ; and, moreover, a Reward is hereby offered, for every recovered verse, £'^. o. o. ; for every hemistichy £\. o. o. ; and for every separate word^ ly-; payable by us on delivery, and no questions asked. THE O B L I V I A D. BOOK THE FIRST. ARGUMENT. " / ^HE Muse having been invoked, and tJie purpose of the Poem signified^ the brood of Scribblers is at once ijitrodnced, their nnmbers stated, and kinds described. Alarm is then expressed lest the whole land be overrun with them, as with rats or other vermin, and even the po- tency of Satire is doubted. But here the Poet vindicates Providence, and explains her plan : Deep in the centre of the Earth, beneath the bed of Thames, are vast vaults, called of Oblivion, into whicJi all the crew of Authors, witJi their ivorks, sink, as they appear, and are got rid of. Of these a flood, as for awhile it choked the cloaca maxima, is described, and the names given of some of tJie minor sinks. By so wondrous a contrivance only as this of Oblivion, with its tributaries, could the refuse of mind be got rid of, with the prodigious accumulations of paper. All have turned authors, taught and tintaugJit, to the ruin of our prosperity. But here again is Providence defended : For if Writing, as the Poet itnagines, be a Pestilence, it drives out a worse, defecates the Brain, and gives vent to Tacit7irjiity. The various epidemics 44 ARGUMENT ivJiicJi Jiavc ravaged the Ear t It rccou)itcd ; all ivJiicJi have succi'ssivtly (lisa/>/>i-arc(f, cxci'pt the InJlNeiiza, and this of U'riti//g, eoinplainfs having a close analogy. Further^ all are shown to have eotne from the East, ineluding Koinauee, ivhose /^ersou is deserihed, the allurements she mak-es use of ^ the prodigies whieh foretold her coming, and the darkness which accompanied it. Nourished, like a weed, in barren places, she is herself poisonous, and, which ends the Bo(^', the Poet cautions us against her. THE OBLIVIAD. Book tiik Imrst. Ol'' Man's cliirf f()ll)% thciici' the fiiiits which s[)rin}j^ ; VVhal waiil, what vanity, and hiiii- hrinj; ; What Authors rise to earth, how next they fall, Those auth<,)is' names, ami what the entl of all ; Nor KS . TuK. Oiii.iviAi). I 'riicir iiii!.;lil have Iiecn a lime for Salirc; Imf tli.at lime is pas^-il ; and, in I lie |iicsciil ailviviiceil iljjo, il i-., .iiii|il\', cuil ol ilalc ; a |)riir(K'al>lc aiiiii'liroiiisiii, if xvc may coin an i-xpiossion. Tojio wiole in his is, these many years past, and iind in it no evidence whatever of j;enius, unless we so call a continued irony, and luir- lci>c|uc, on utir host authors. Some uKcuptional passages, it is true, risua 46 THE OBLiviAD. Book I. Sing, Muse, that dost in Grub street sinks delight, 5 The tuneful staircase, and the breezy height ; NOTES. above the rest ; after which, he sinks again, into his own Oblivion. What he evidently aims at is, to bring us back to a pedantic and obsolete period, when Boileau and Dryden, with the writers of Anne, studious of the An- tique, thought it excessively clever to fleer at and contemn writers with more nature than themselves; as, for instance, De Foe; — to an age, when the Wits and Scholars had it all their own way, and Reviewers were unknown, at least in the modern sense. We can tell him that although he had the ability to reproduce the Dunciad itself, it would not avail him, or make us overlook the tameness of Tennysonian verse, the naive of Browning, or the nature of Swinburne. It is easy to raise a laugh, and nothing is out of the reach of ridicule, but euvy will appear at the bottom, and despair, by dint of sense, of equaling that inaffable fineness, and, what shall we call it, indefiniteness, of the New-School ; wherein every latitude is given to fancy, every license to thought, and no censure to the absence of it, pro- vided the language be fine. What we now want is colour, contrast, free- dom of pencil, and breadth of canvass, with originality of drawing; possess- ing which, all that used to be called correctness, grace, manners, and moral, are things "stale and unprofitable," as Shakespeare expresses it. As might be expected, in a writer that aims at the classical, we find an abundance of allusions to both Ancients and Moderns, and of scraps from their writings; but, we are confident, that all of them are at second band, and are determined to make inquiry, and send a literary detective, to fish out the thefts : a task reserved for our Second Notice, in a future no. And this, although he has, in an underhand manner, in a letter, covering an en- closure, with a design to corrupt us ; (now waiting to be called for, at our desk, as we never return communications;) — and, notwithstanding those many complimentary remarks interspersed throughout his pages : in number three hundred ; a voluminous writer, forsooth ! Editor of Athen.'eum. Ver. I. Of Man''s chief folly ^ cSr^^.] This parody on the noble intro- duction of Milton, if it serve no other purpose, will at all events, serve to show, how a great poet can be degraded by a small one. Ed. Ath. Ibid. chief folly, ^ Namely, writing, which everyone thinks himself capable of, whereas it is certain, that not above one or two in an age are blessed with ability for this purpose ; as demonstrated, and explained in full, in Book II. of this Work, which see. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 47 Or if those liv'ried haunts more please thy view Where scrawls my Lord, and scrawls my Lady too ; NOTES. Ver. 2. What waut^ ivhat vanity, and lucre bring ;] Tliat is to say, if I rightly understand the Author, what books are written to relieve the writers thereof from want, what out of vanity, and what to make money by. American Editor. Ver. 4. Those authors^ names,'] "Again," said Swift, in a letter to Pope, "I insist, you must have your Asterisks filled up with some real names of real Dunces." In the first, or Dublin edition, asterisks only were used. Swift's lecommendation is in accordance with the primitive license at Athens, until the law Mtj wo/tarl \eyeti/ was put in force, and Menander reformed the stage. Am. Ed. IMITATIONS. Ver. r. Of Man^ s chief folly ^ cSr'c] " Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste Brought death into the world, and all our woe." Paradise Lost, B. I. v. i, Ver. 5. Si7ig^ Muse, that dost in Griib street sinks delight. The tuneful staircase, and the breezy height ; Or if those liv'ried haunts more please thy view Where scrawls my Lord^ and scrawls my Lady too ; T/unce thee I call, and by Oblivion'' s brink. Teach me, teach^ with Tennyson^ to si7ili ;\ *' Sing, heavenly Muse, that on the secret top ; Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire That shepherd, who first taught the chosen seed, In the beginning how the Heav'ns and Earth Rose out of Chaos : Or if Sion hill Delight thee more, and Siloa's brook that flow'd P"ast by the oracle of God ; I thence Invoke thy aid to my advent'rous song, That with no middle flight intends to soar." Paradise Lost, B. I. v. 6. 48 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Thence thee I call, and by Oblivion's brink, Teach me, O teach, with Tennyson, to sink ; lO NOTES. Ver. 5. Sing, Muse,'] In this exordiirm are given the various topics, and purpose, of the Work, with the invocation, agreeable to the practice of the great poets, and to the precept of Vida, in particular. •' Vestibulum ante ipsum, primoque in limine, semper Prudentes leviter rerum fastigia summa Libant, et parcis attingunt omnia dictis, Quae canere statuere ; simul coelestia Divflm Auxilia implorant, propriis nil viribus ausi." Poeticorum L. ii. v. 17. Am. Ed. Ver. 6. The tuneful staircase, &'c.'\ Images sufficiently familiar to those who mount the shady steps, and inhabit the unceiled garrets, of Grub street, that famous abode of authors; where an unfortunate sous-a-liner must have sojourned, who, not long since, writing to Paris, described thus the whole London metropolis, and honestly told but what he saw, or, what he heard, if the Athenoeum will so have it. Am. Ed. Ibid. the breezy height,] Where the Zephyrs are felt, as in the Poet: " high in Drury-Lane Lull'd by soft Zephyrs through the broken pane." Ver. 10. teach, with Tennyson, to sink ;] Not with the design of sojourning there, but of searching for those therein lost, as expressed in the next couplet. Ibid. with Tennyson^ to sink ;\ Had he said, with Tennyson to soar, it had been more to the purpose ; but, unfortunately, the word sink was enforced by the necessity of the rhyme, in this rhymer, to give him his true name. And, now that we are in the humour of criticism, and are not dazzled by great names, Milton himself, in the passage above quoted, might have writ* ten sacred instead of secret ; sacred top. Again : "first taught the chosen seed In the beginning,''^ is mere tautology. And, " how the Heav'ns and Earth Rose out of Chaos," Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 49 There through thick night to grope my doubtful way, And thrust up each vile scribbler into day. NOTES. is flatly opposed to fact ; as the Scriptures informs us, that "God created the heaven and the earth," which, therefore, did not rise out of Chaos, or any thing else. " Siloa's brook that flovv'd Fast:' When, for the second time, the Bible contradicts him : " The waters of Siloa's brook that go softly," or sloioly. Might it not have been said to this "prince of poets," as mothers do to their children, "Go, and read your Bible, sir." Ed. Ath. Ibid. to sink ;"[ It is not at all unlikely that the hasty Critick, such as he especially of the Athenceum, who had so often decided on the merits of Works of which he had read but a few words at the beginning, cr pos- sibly had read none at all, may boast of his justice in not condemning this one until he had toiled as far as the end of the tenth line, where the Author asks the Grub-street Muse, to teach him to " sink." 'Tisall from Horace, said the critick in Pope's day; 'tis all from Pope, says he of the present. The art of Sinking in poetry, is that of the false sublime, when the author descends to as great a distance as others ever rose, before inverted rules were invented: the primitive hint of which is in Falstaff, witty himself, and the cause of that wit in other men. " I have a kind of alacrity of sink- ing," said he ; "if the bottom were as deep as hell, I siiould down." (MER- RY Wives, Act. 3, Sc v.) From Falstaff it passed to the Earl of Dorset, in his verses to Howard : " So, in this way of Writing without thinking. Thou hast a strange Alacrity in sinking." From Dorset, Swift and Pope next took it ; since whose time it has be- come so trite that the Author of the present original performance is parti- cularly desirous of contradicting any possible report that he has taken it up ; full evidence of which can not be wanting to any Student who reads in this book a few pages further. After all, perhaps this "alacrity of sinking" is in Homer, that (^'ommon upon which all authors, by immemorial usage, have the right to pasture ; so that no one takes any thing from any one else, but from Homer, which is as if lie took it from Nature. Et 5i7 iron Kol iruuTCj) fV lxQv6evTi yei/oiro, 3 so . THE OBLIVIAD. Book T. But chiefly thou, maternal Duhiess, show Whence all the scribbling crew, and where they go ; NOTES. TloWovs tiv Kopecreifv au^p oSe, Trjflea ^LcpSuv. "Urihs atrodpiiffKitii/, ei Kol SvffireixcpeXos etrj' Iliad. Lib. XVI. v. 745, When a man, being hurled headlong from his chariot, An :ictive person, truly, said the otlier; how niml)Iy he dives ! That fellow, I v arrant, had he been at sea, would have brought us up an abundance of oysters ; with so much skill does he sink : iis pua KvfiiffTo.' how nimbly he dives ! It has more point in Homer than in any of the rest. To show how much the poets were indebted to Homer, the painter Gala- ton represented him in the act of vomiting, while all the rest were busy col- lecting what he had throv;n up : an image better left hid in the Greek. TaKaToiv Se 6 ^wypapos ^ypmpe rhu /xev "Onripov avrhv ifiovvra, rovs 8e aWovs iroirjTas ra i^r\p.i(TiX(va apvo/xei'ovs." ^LiANi Var-IIist. Lib. xiii. cap. 21. Ibid, Tennj'son] As it is the main design of this Work to call to memory the names of certain authors, already sunk, or rapidly sinking, into Oblivion, I intend to give a short sketch of the chief of them, among the Notes, in addition to what is said in the Text, that the Reader may not be at a loss ; and, commencing with the Laureate, here make known that he wrote, was applauded, and is forgotten. These " Biographical Notices," however, as they are generally overcharged and llattering, the Reader very likely conjectures, what is the truth, that they were written by the authors themselves. There is an annual Publica- tion called " Men of the Time," from which is sent to the various Writers, and other distinguished persons, throughout Christendom, and beyond, a Circular, with blank spaces, to be filled ; as here follows : BLANK CIRCULAR. Mr. Mrs. or Miss, (as may be,) please fill up the enclosed, and return it to us, for Publication. Name; or, if you have reason to hide it, your assumed name, and aliases Date and place of birth ; garret or cellar Head or breech presentation If boin with a caul Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 5 1 Thou, from the first, wide o'er the lumpish earth 15 Sat'st brooding, goose-Hke, and gave each to birth : NOTES. Father (if known) Mother (if known) Sucked, or bottle-fed If ever sent to school Whether taught to read and write What College it was designed to send you to To what trade you were put At what date you ran away If charged with theft or other offence When and where you fell into the company of Writers for the Press How you were first taught to pick up scandal First book that you wrote How damned When put into jail for debt, or other cause How often you visited at the Work House, as near as you can remember The garrets you were successively driven out of State, particularly, when you commenced to tipple The Gin shops you frequent, and have frequented What induced you to turn Reviewer The nature of your connexion with the Athenoeum, or other sheet of the sort If publickly horse whipped Successive dates (week and month) of your later Publications Titles thereof, briefly ; as, the " Pocket-Picker j " <' Prostitution Unveiled," &c. How often you were given a dinner How often you went without one Date of Pension, with amount Ver. 13. maternal Dulness,\ As it has been said of the gods of Homer, that they have ever since been the gods of poetry, so has the Dul- ness of Pope been to the Satirist ; but as Homer did not create his deities, so neither did Pope, for we find Addison, many years before, speakin;^ of the god of Dulness, in his papers on Wit. Am. Ed. Ver. 15. Thou^ from the first, tSr^c] In this passage I have followed Milton, who followed Moses, Gen. Cap. i. v. 2 ; yet have I kept closer to Hesiod, a profane author, as was proper, considering the subject I am 52 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. An evanescent as a worthless breed, Brought immature, and to the ditch decreed ; NOTES. writing on. And now here, I wish to call to mind what was once said of a book, that it had not learning enough to keep it from putrefaction ; a fate which, in my own case, I shall take care to prevent with as much Attic salt as I can possibly strew over my pages, and here by a bucket of the rock-salt of learning itself, which I have found ready quarried in Rawleigh's History of the World ; but which salt, it is certain, he never put a pickaxe to, but got a certain Dr. Robert Barrel, Rector of Northwall, to do it for him. "After the creation of heaven and earth, then void and without form, the spirit of God moved upon the waters. The Seventy Interpreters use the word suj^erferebatur, moved upon or over : incnbabat or fovcbat, saith Hierome, out of Basil ; and Basil out of a Syrian doctor ; ' Equidem non meam tibi, sed viri cujusdam Syri sententiam recensebo,' (saith Basil) : which words, inctcbare or fovere, importing warmth, hatching, or quickening, have a special likeness. ' Verbum translatum est ab avibus pulliliei suae in- cubantibus, quamvis spirituali, et plane inenarrabili, non autem corporali modo : ' The word is taken of birds liatching their young, not corporally, but in a spiritual and inexpressible manner." — Rawleigh, Hist. B. i. c. i. s. vi. This passage, most likely, Milton had read, and took from it his image of brooding on the abyss, which is a mighty sublime one, and very proper for me to imitate, with that alteration which the nature of the brood made necessary. IMITATIONS. Ver. 15. Thou, from the first, wide o'er the lumpish earth Satst brooding, goose-like, and gave each to birth.] " Thou from the first Wast present, and with mighty wings outspread Dove like satst brooding on the vast abyss And mad'st it pregnant." Paradise Lost, Book i. v. 19. a,u.j.J Se Fa/j; 'l/nelpwy 7(' from liollon ; wherein as there is no College, it was a fellow of Dixon's sort. Ver. 56. ///£• sniol'i: act\ An .\ct in England to compel those burn- ing large quantities of coal to consume the smoke, and thus abate the sut- drop nuisance. Am. Eu. Ver. 57. Not s/ioioers of toaiisy^ " Toads, as we all know," says the histoiian, "are filthy in their aspect, live in damp, obscure, dark places, and crawl out only by night : " are " looked upon with great aversion by the majoi part of mankind." Of the genus tana there are more than fifty spt- Book I. THE 0I5LIVIAD. 57 In numbers such ; nor such the maggot breeds When crawls the carcass in the mass it feeds ; 6o Not e'en when copious Bulwer writes the book, And reams on reams supply the pastry-cook. N O 1" K S . cies : Maxima^ the great to^cl ; variabilis, tlie changeal)le ; ridibunda, tlie jocular, with a voice human ; bombina^ the laughing toad, for there is more than one such ; boaii, the bull frog; vctitricosa, the tumid ; cum viultis aliis ; salsa, Uie salt ; miisica^ the musical ; venenata, the envenomed ; biifo^ the coniinon toad : full blown Bufo, said Pope ; this he applied to the patron ; but the resemblance, in general, is more to the writers, or rather reviewers, (with the exceplion of iniisica, claimed l)y the poets,) as the naiues sufliciently indicate ; of which additional evidence may l)e found in the following: "This toad, tlien, who iiad taken up his residence unjler a hol- low stone in a hedge of blind nettles, I used to watch for iiours togcliier. It was a large, lumpish animal, that squatted on its belly, and perked up its hideous head' with two glazed eyes, precisely like a Critical Reviewer. ^^ GU'KORn. How these creatures fall in showers is as much a puzzle to philosophers as how animals crept first out of the earth, agreeable to the hypothesis of Epicurus : "Cum prorejjserunt priniis aninialia tcrris." II OR. Sat. L. i. S. iii, v. 99. By tlie way, there is a Satire, voluminous too, entitled Riibeta, after a va- riety of toad, the ruddock, from which a species of poison is extracted, as we read in Juvenai, : " Occurrit matrona potens, quiv: molle Calenum Porrectura viro miscet sitiente riibetain." Sat. i., V. 69. Ver. 60. IV/icii crawls t/ie carcass'] I knew an Anatomist who got a pre- sent of a whale, which he dissected, and left in an open place, intending to cut all away, except the bones, for a skeleton. But, on returning after some days, an enormous mass of maggots had got possession of it ; which first devoured the whole carcass, and then one another, until all disajipearcd. Where they came from, said he, for the scieiTce of Histology had not then made much progress, or where they went to, is ecjualiy strange; but gnaw away they did, like so many reviewers on a folio, and so vanislied. Vkr. 61. copious Bul7('er] It was the wonder of the Age in which lie lived how this aullior found time for any thing else than 7vritiug, (to call 3* 58 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. So num'rous they ; but, more, the scribbling kind Assumes all shapes, and to no name confined : NOTES. things by their prevailing names;) for, certainly, if his works merited the reading, a student would require no other books, as, with that degree of at- tention demanded by good authors, Bulwer alone would occupy the most diligent all his days. I have made the most indefatigable search for them, on stalls, in the waste paper shops, and the Museum, (not having, at that time, those otiier means of dredging for dead books,) and have ascertained the number of nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety-nine, being only one volume short of the whole numlier a great scholar allowed to a complete library. Yet did this, the most industrious of men, make, in addition, ex- cursions on horseback and on foot, deliver himself of speeches, marry, beget an author, and perform all the ordinary functions of an animal creature. — O J le gran virtuoso. Ver. 62. supply the pastiy-cook.^ We think we had heard of the pastry-cook before. Kd. Atu. So had I. Horace has il, in cflfect, though he but speaks of the grocer; " J3eferar in vicum vendenlem thus et odorcs, Et piper, et quicquid chartis amicitur ineptis." Epist. Lib. ii., i. v. 269. In which he is followed by Persujs : " Linquere nee scombros metuentia carmina, nee thus?" Sat. i. V. 43. To the grocer Martial adds the fishmonger, as others the pastry-cook ; •* Ne nigram cito raptus in culinam Cordyllas madida tegas papyro, Vel tluuis piperisque sis cucullus." Lib. iii, Ep. ii, v. 3. " Quod si non scombris scelerata poemata dones." Ibid. Ep. L. V. 9. " Si damnaverit, ad salariorum Curras scrinia protinus licebit, Inversa pueris arande charta." Id. Lib. iv, Ep. Ixxxvii, v. 9. Perhaps, when Martial speaks of wrapping salt mackerel and spices, in Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 59 Now grubs on eartli, these next ascend the sky, 65 Wing with the breeze, hve their short day and die ; Ephemera best styled, though men insist Upon a borrow'd name, the Novehst ; NOTES. this way, he means it in a triendly sense, as thereby to pi-eserve these accursed compositions, as he calls tliem: scelerata poemata. Ver. 66. Wing with tke breeze,^ Id est, go witli the crowd. Ver. 67. Ep/ieinera] Otherwise, the hemerobion, for the same reason, that it lives but a day. The life of longer lived insects of this kind, says the Naturalist, is regulated by the multiples of seven : thus, the gnat and the maggot prolong their days to three times seven ; while others reach an ex- treme old age at four times this number, being viviparous, like the human creature, the life of which is also thus regulated ; some of this species drop- ping off at three, and some at four, times seven, the grand climacterick being reached when it is multiplied by nine, at which time, or at 63, in the course of nature, man,* like the others, shrivels up, and dies. Consult Pliny, Hist. Nat. Ibid. Ephemera best styled, though men insist Upon a borrowed name, the Novelist ;] To correct this passage, rather read hebdomadal ; Hebdomadal best styled ; for the novelists appear weekly, anti, in the Alhena;uni, " Novels of the Week " is always an article by itself. Ed. Ath. IMITATIONS. Ver. 62. reams on reams supply the pastry-cook :'\ The modern Italians continue the usage of their forefathers, and wrap fish in printed paper, which with them is alga vilior ; as with us, since our fish women laid aside the straw and zueed. At this desecration of the fish, U^ov Ix^vv, held sacred by the Ancients, Apollo, writing from Parnassus, thus ex- presses his regrets, through his Secretary BOCCALINI : Essendo grandissima vergogna, che la tnaggior parte de' libri, cKoggidl si stavtpario, vadaiio per le inani, non de' litterati, ma di coloro, che vendono ,1 caitiale. cd il pesce cot to. Al Cai-dinal Bembo, ed al Boccaccio, Reuisori nostri. To the devil with those who said all our good things before us ! or, in other words, " Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.'' 6o THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. These, light and nimble, more affect the flood, And mingle with the minnows in the mud : "JO These microscopic in the sink you seek, That to the magazine are swept each week : Untiring some through antiquarian ground Grope their blind way, and with the mole are found : A vermin breed, some take a sick'ning name, 7$ And feed and fatten on the imps of fame ; While sounds discordant many more betray. The hoot, hiss, howl, the chatter and the bray ; 'Mid whom each mongrel whelp his treble tries, That but some cynick critick in disguise : 8o These, with what else capricious chance can bring. The kind equivocal, and two legg'd thing, Spawn'd, dropp'd, and litter'd, farrow'd, hatch'd, extend. And all the land befoul from end to end. Vast hordes of mice defaced his fair domain, 85 These Smintheus banished to their caves again ; NOTES. Ver. 70. viitiinnvs in t/ie mitd :\ For as minnow conies from mini- ma, tlie mud is the projier place to find it, agreeable to the Law, " Semper in obsctiris quod ntiniinnin est sequimur." — Ulpian. 1. 9. de reg. Jur. Vek. 75. A vermin brc€J,\ Said the illustrious physiologist Hunter, when told of some criticlv on his researches, All creatures are natinally fed on by some species of vermin ; classing the critick as the vermin of the man of genius ; though vermin was not the word that Hunter used, a Scotchman, who spoke out plain. Ver. 82. t'f)o legg'd thing^ Plato's definition of the creature man, a two legged thing, without feathers. Am. Ed. Ver. 85. Vast hordes of mice'\ This year all western Asia, Roumelia, and Thessaly, have been overrun and devasted by successive armies of mice ; a very ancient pest in these countries, and anterior to the time of Homer. Ver. 86. These Sininfheiis, &^e.'\ I do not pretend to inform a man of William Ilepworth Dixon's learning, editor of ihe Leading Literary Jour- Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 6l From Enna wide the rabbit swarm'd about, But soon the ferret drove the nuisance out ; Once Britain pester'd by her native rat, Him the Norwegian gnaw'd, and him the cat : 90 NOTES, nal, &c., why Apollo was called Smintheus, from fffxluOos, n rat ; the best explanation of wliich is, that the rat, being the primitive symbol of niyht, Apollo, tlie god of day, drove him to his lurking place : just as criticks, being also of the gnawing, vermin, hated, hungry, and midnight breed, seek concealment, and skulk before tlie beams of knowledge, of which, of all creatures, they are the most intolerant. Veu. 87. Fi'om Enna ivide the 7-abbit swarni' d about, "[ The "Omphalos of Town," said Bulwer, affectedly. As he was at the trouljle of a])pending a note^ he might have added, tliat Enna was thus called, as being the navel^ around wliich all the other parts of the Island were convolved : ain(pi(\l(r!sJom of her />lan.'\ The impiety of the above verse, from Virgil, receives a rebuke, as the Autlior manifestly intended, in this vindication of Providence. Am. Ed. IMITATIONS. Ver. 102. lim/>i> f>r her fools;] The Limbo of Fools is on the backside of the world; but not so this place which I am about to describe. "All these upwhirl'd aloft Fly o'er the backside of the world {.\r off Into a Limbo large and bro.id, since call'd Tiie Paradise of Fools." rAU.\i)iSE Lost, Book iii. v. 493. I?()()k I. TIIK OIU.IVIAI). 65 'Neath Thames' fi)ul bed, a vault (vow hum. in si^ht Hides its vast concave in the reahiis of iiii;ht ; No deep-sea drcd^ings here have bottom foiuul, And, as no H^ht finds entrance, heard no sound. i 10 Here her wide Catacombs Obhvion keeps, And, where no news disturbs her, Lethe sleejjs ; To C'haos next yawns this eternal Cave, And thence if things [)roceedet!, this their grave. The Gockless here, a Shape that secm'd of (iloom, i 15 And like some solemn statue on a tomb, Fix'd on a throne, with an unchani;ing mi(Mi, Where all lay deail, throughout that dismal scene : VcW was lu-r f.ice ; wlu're I'ride some joy yet cast, 'Ihat all must yiekl to her strong sway at last, I20 When I'^une has ceased to utter, Life to stir, And ICarth itself but one vast sepulchre. N o r K s . Vku. 113. '/V C/itJos next, &'c.'\ It was an ()|)ini(Mi of (lie l''|iiruroaiis, tlial all llic 7tw^'s (ominous sound !) of Natuie would, in the end, descend into Cliaos ; hut as to all the works of those antipodes to Nature, the sciihblers, for them, in the end, tiiat is to say, next week, Oblivion is the proper recepl.acle. Chaos, the classic student need not be informed, sij;ni(ics to yawn, x'^'«'» hisco ; thus, chaos yawns; and Oblivion yawns; the i)ublic yawns; and all nature yawns; at mere mention of the massof the stujjid : whence it appears that the day of doom approaches, and that one wide yawn must soon jirove the opinion of l'",picurus, al)ovc mentioned, to be correct, (hat in cliaos, (or a yawn,) all things shall terminate. I M 1 r Ar I oNS, Vkk. 112. Li'llii- sl,;f>s ;\ " (^uam juKta Lelhes tacilus pnelabltur amnis, Inferuis, ut fama, trahens Oni.iviA venis. " i.ucAN. I., ix., V. 355. 66 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Here hastes incessant all the waste of mind, Through sinks unseen, but in the depth design'd ; NOTES. Ver. 124. Through sinks unseen^ Dennis, in his " Remarks on the Dun- ciad," objected in particular against tlie "high heroic games," exhibited on the Strand : "For is it not monstrous," said he, "to imagine they could take place in the master street of a great city ; a street eternally crowded with carriages, carts, coaches, chairs, and men, passing in the greatest hurry about private and public affairs?" To this we find the counterpart in the following : " Sinks unseen ; unseen they certainly are ; in opposition to which, we confront the fact, that they have never been met, whether in the laying of pipes for gas or water, or in the digging of "drains, to carry off all the other kinds of refuse. But not this only ; according to him, (the author,) to the remotest corners of the earth, these channels of his are present, and make part of the original foundation of it!" — En. Am. — A thing to shock credulity, I do not deny; but wliich, yet, is not at all more amazing than a matter in Science, at present familiar to every one; namely, that, as used in sending messages by the telegrajih, a current courses zigzag in the earth, through channels unseen, and whicli, moreover, have never been countermined or intercepted l)y any pij'cs, drains, courses, or obstruc- tion whatever. "Of all the miracles of science," said Lardncr, "surely this is the most marvellous. A stream of electric fluitl has its source in the cellars of the Central Electric Telegraph Office, Lothbury, London. It flows untler the streets of the great metropolis, and passing on wires suspended over a zig- zag series of railways, reaches Edinburg (or any other remote place,) where it dips into the earth, and diffuses itself upon the buried plate. From that IMITATIONS. Ver. 114. And thence if things proceeded, this their grave. ] Lucretius says of the Earth, " Omniparens, eadem rerum commune .sepulcrum." L. v., V. 260. The universal parent, as the common sepulcre of all things. Which Mil- ton applied to Chaos, " The womb of nature, and perhaps her grave.'' And which I have altered, to suit the modern system of the Universe. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD, 6/ With their dead works the race of writers go, 125 And, spite of well-paid puffing, sink below ; (For though the tall plumed hearse, the parish cart, May bear*, 'tis not their unimmortal part ;) The mass of matter and the motley throng, As through arterial drainage, thrust along. 130 NOTES. it takes flight through the crust of the earth, and finds its o%vn way back to the cellars at Lothbury!!! " "The Electric Telegraph," By Dionysius Lardner. p. 25. The greater wonder, indeed! for this "stream" that we are describing, which, in a like manner, " flows under the streets of the metropolis" un- seen, and " through the crust of the earth," fails to find its way back, from the "buried plate," to the "central" cellars and garrets of Grub Street, but is lost by the way, and sinks into Thames, as can easily be conceived ; for, as Mr. Bays said, "nothing so easy when understood." Ver. 126, spite of well-paid puffing, sink below i^ Seemingly having no power of spontaneous puffing, unlike puppies and other creatures, that generate wind, and float, some days after submersion. Ver. 128. their nnimmortal part ;"\ The Ancients had a notion that man was fourfold : the flesh, the shade, the manes, and the spirit ; of which the ground took the first, the second hovered around the tomb, the third sought the lower regions, and the fourth those above ; as in these verses, attributed to Ovid : "Bis duo sunt homini; manes, caro, spiritus, umbra: Quatuor ista loci bis duo suscipiunt. Terra tegit carnem, tumulum circumvolat umbra, Orcus habet manes, spiritus nslra petit." But we, the Moderns, have changed all that ; and divide this creature man into three, of which the mortal part seeks the earth, the immortal, vari- ously, the higher regions and the lower, but this third, or uniminortul^ part, Oblivion. Ver. 130. As through artt'rial drainage,\ A very exrejitionaljle phrase, since the word arterial comes from aer, air, the early anatomists having supposed that the arteries were filled with it, like the windpipe, or arteria aspera, as they called it, whereas we now know that these vessels contain the life blood itself; whence an additional impropriety, as our artificial 68 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Heavens ! what a crowd had choked the common sewer, When crowds on crowds impell'd the mass before, Till last week's heaviness by this push'd on, Gave forth one gurgling sound, and all was gone ; No record left of all the worthless list, 135 Those that full puff'd by praise, and those that hist. Buchanan, Reade, like dogs, have had their day. And, with the Laureate, then passed away ; Then Homer, when three thousand years were pass'd, Press'd by the weight of Worsley, sank at last ; 140 Then Mackay, too, contemn'd of all the Nine, Then Lytton all thy works, and Proctor thine : NOTES. channels carry off, principally, but the refuse and waste of the body, in the same manner as those other sewers of Oblivion do those of the mind. Ibid. arterial drainage^ To free the Thames from the filth of the Metropolis, two capacious drains had just then been constructed, and run parallel with the river, into which disembogue all the tributary sinks. Am. Ed. Ver. 137. Btic/ianan,'] Robert ; spes altera Romre, heir to the Laurel; writer and reader of verses, the delight of Hep. Dixon, to whom he has dedicated ; candidate for Oblivion in a new piece, puffed of the metaphysi- cal sort ; of whom, and his writings, more anon. Ibid. Reade,'] Jno. Edmund, verseman and proseman, produced " Cain the Wanderer," "Catiline" and "Italy," after wliich " Tlie Deluge," with a chaos of " Drama," " Vision," " Revelation," " Paradise," " Lyri- cal Poems," and "Laureate Wreaths." Ver. 140. Worsley} One of the vtodertt translators of the Iliad, who, at present, number three hundred and seventy, being three hundred more than the famous "Interpreters." One of the ancient translators of the Iliad, was named Accius Labeo, a famous man, in Persius : " Non hie est Ilias Acci, Ebria veratro?" Sat. i. v. 50. Ver. 141. Maekay,] Charles, LI>. D., wrote, among other poetical pieces, "The Hope of the World," " Voices from the Crowd," "Legends Book I, THE OBLIVIAD. 6g Review, book, author, undistinguish'd duck'd In common sink, and to the centre suck'd. Nor other. Maelstrom, do the waters glide 145 Where thy vast vortex cuts the Norway tide : Around and round concentric currents draw, Till half the ocean gather'd to his maw. And sailor, cargo, ship, together go. Ah, hapless sight ! and seek the gulf below. 150 Chief from the Row the midnight floods begin, While some supply the thick and some the thin ; NOTES. of the Isles," and " Four Lyiicks " : In prose^ "Memoirs of Extraordinary Popular Delusions," among which he might have inserted, that Mackay was thought a poet. Ver. 142. Lytton'\ Edward Robert Bulwer, Owen Meredith Lytton, wrote " Clytemnestra and other Minor Pieces," "The Wanderer, a Col- lection of Poems in Many Lands," and a novel, in verse, (for the poet would break out in him,) entitled Lucille. Ibid. Proctor^'] Poet, born in 1790, or poet born, nascitur non fit. Tragedies, Dramatic Scenes, and Songs. Ver. 144. common sink^ Not signifying mcaii or despicable, al- though this as a secondary signification may be admitted; nor, by any means, uncommon, (which would be absurd ;) but general, which you will find among the meanings in Dr. Johnson's dictionary, and in which he himself used it, when he wrote, " The common sewer of Paris, and of Rome." Ver. 151. Ch'ef from the Roiu\ The famous Pater Noster Row, occu- pied by the Publishers. Am. Ed. IMITATIONS. Ver. 148. Niato,] This is the barathri in the description of Virgil : " Atque imo barathri ter gurgete vastos Sorbet in abruptum iluctus." ^NEID. Lib. iii., v. 421. 70 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Such who in solid dullness seem to think, And such whose driv'lings well dilute their ink The great cloaca, from her utmost springs, 155 (Whose deep foundations long before our kings,) NOTES. Ver. 155. The g)-eat cloaca,'] Mr. Mayhevv gives a description of the "old civic stream" so very much like this of Oblivion, thai I cannot help transcribing it : " First, then, as to the ramifications of the ancient Fleet outlet." — (How capacious! it gave passage to tiie Fleet.) — " From its mouth, so to speak, near Blackfriars Bridge, its course is not parallel with any public way, but running somewhat obliquely, it crosses below Tudor Street into Bridge Street, Blackfriars, then occupies the centre of Farringdon Street, and continues until the City portion of the Fleet Sewer meets the Metro- politan jurisdiction between Saffron and Mutton Hills. In its City course, the sewer receives the issue from one hundred and fifty pulilic ways, (in- cluding streets, alleys, courts, lanes, &c.,) which are emptied into it from the second, third, and smaller class sewers from Ludgate Hill, and its ]irox- imate streets, the St. Paul's locality, Fleet Street, and its adjacent commu- nications in Wellington Street and the Strand." — (Wellington Street, Strand, London, W. C. Mark that. Reader.) — " Some of the sewers are found forty feet below the street, some two feet, some almost level with it." " The deposit has been found to contain all the ingredients from the breweries, dunghills, the gas-works, and the several chemical and mineral manufactories ; dead dogs, cats, kittens, and rats ; offal from slaughter- houses, sometimes even including tlic entrails of animals; street pavement dirt of every variety ; vegetable refuse ; stable dung ; cacata cJiarta, Athe- fiiCitms ; the refuse of pig-sties ; night-soil ; ashes ; tin kettles and pans ; ink bottles, pens, and paste." London Labour and Poor. *• Underground London " is the title of a book by Mr. Holingshead, a gentleman deserving of notice, which he shall receive hereafter. There is a celebrated work called Ji,>»ia Sotterranea, by Antonius Bosius. He descended into the Catacombs, as did Mayhew and Holingshead, with this difference, that Bosius came out at the end of the fifth day, while Mayhew and Holingshead are likely ever to remain in them. [[gf" Nofe of the American Editor. — I find here in the margin of the primary "proofs" of the Obliviad the following detached verses, which Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. /I Glcigh, Arnold, Gumming, miscellaneous hides, Where Froude, Head, Ruskin, in the sooty tides. NOTES. seem to apply to the work of Mr. Mayhew just quoted, and some other of his writings; A kind of things whicli neitlier tools nor toys, Books that unfitted or for men or boys. Some score tf pages in a florid strain, Till rats and excrement come in again; A mixture such as in the dust-cart seen, With garbage, nosegay, and much muck between. This, however, is conjectural. Am. Ed. Ver. 1 56. ( IVkose deepfottndations long before our kings,y^ The Romans assigned their Cloaca Maxima to Tarquin, as we Fleet Ditch to our primitive kings ; but as to tliis main sink of 01)livion, it is anterior to all history and tradition, and must have been constructed with the first foundations of the Earth itself; or, rather, is a remains of Chaos, untouched of Creation. Not to know how 'floods' can find a way beneath sea, would only discover an ignorance of Ancient geography. "Alpheum fama est hue, Elidis amnem, Occultas egisse vias subter mare ; qui nunc Ore, Arethusa, tuo Siculis confunditur undis." ^NEID. Lib. iii., v. 694. Ver. 157. Ariiold,\ Professor of Poetry at Oxford, himself writer of poems, some of which he has been at the trouble, very unnecessarily, of withdrawing from the Public. He has written Essays in Criticism, and contributed io periodical literature ; but who has not ? Ibid. Cumtniug,] The Rev. John, D.D., F.R.S.E., A.S.S. "Voices of the Day," "Voices of the Night," and the Oblivion of All Things, in- cluding Blockheads and their Books, which absolutely took place, to his in- finite credit, just as he had prophesied. Ver. 158. Fronde^] "Shadows of the Clouds," "Nemesis of Faith;" each severely censured by the University, which much increased the sale. "Short Studies on Oreat Subjects;" a title in which an opposition is in- tended, which to be exact should read, "Short Studies on Tall Subjects," classic slang among the Yankees. Mr. Froude stole this title, but wishing to alter it, to escape detection, only spoiled what was scarce worth carrying 72 THE 015LTVIAD. ]?ook I. From Bond, Belgravia, Paul's, Pall Mall, they sweep, While putrefaction stinks throui^h all the heap ; i6o A wei<4ht of words from utmost Tweed comes o'er, Antl blunders many from Hibernia's shore; The Yankee ships much crudeness from his shelf. Whence Loni;fellow, last year, shipp'd off himself; Remote Australia tries the debt to pay, 165 But sends her hides and wool another way ; Where California, thou, thy golden grain, While Bret alloy of Bowie-knife and brain. NOTES, o(T at tlie fust. The ]iliin(lcrctl \vt)rk is called " Small Hooks on Clreat Sui)jects. Cliristian Doctrine in the Second Century." A I2nu)., pub- lislicd in 1S24, and raised by me out of Oblivion. Ibid. Hcad,\ Sir Francis Bond, Hart., K.C.Ii., &c. Knight of the Prussian J////A/;;' Order of Merit. Wrote "Bubbles," "Pokers," "Sticks." As some have shown themselves slashing critieks on rebellious authors, so has he on authors of rebellion, as Canada can testify. Made his way with his sword to a tillc, but to a pension with his pen. Ibid. Riiskiii,\ Abandoned by the Muse of Poetry, his lust love, on ac- count of impotence, took up with her of Painting, who, the younger sister, is much the richer ; wrote and spoke on Painting and Arciiitecture, advo- cated Pre-Raphaelisni, antl tried his pen on various periodical paper. Vkk. iqo. Bond, Beh^tiwia, PauPs^ Pall Man,^ Localities in London, where an cvpial nund)er of Periodicals arc publishci'.* that I iicnce severally take their titles. Am. Ed. Ver. 163. crudcni:ss\ Alluding to the raw material, we suppose ; the cotton. En. Aiii. Vk.U. 164. Lougfi-l!o'i<\ Henry Wadsworth, the great ./w<7-/<(///. If you would enjoy his works, be sure to ask for tlic Red- Line edition, as advertised, with the Ro.vburghe binding. Ibid. Whence Longfellow last year,] Mr. Longfellow was at this time receiving much attention in England. Am. Eu. ViiR. 167. IV/iere Cal fornia, thou, thy golden grain. While Bret alloy of Boioie-knife and brain. ] Golden grain : an ambiguity ; since it may either mean grain of gold, or Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 73 Thus freed the land from the much mingling tide, And still renewing heaps are cast aside. 170 Else in what dens obscure the masses seek Which disappear and which appear each week ? Where else those piles of paper hourly writ, On which those thousands show their want of wit ? NOTES. wheat, the golden harvest of the poets, shipped in great quantities from California, and ranking, in Mark Lane, with that of Chili. Now, on tlie first .supposition; it is true, the alloy, sometimes written allay, would seem to come in with propriety, were it not that gold is no longer, as a rule, found granular in the country alluded to, but in quarts, (we don't mean by measure, as ale or beer, which would convict us of a pun, stolen from the inimitable Hood,) from which there is need to separate it by a process called smelting. On the second ; namely, that the golden grain signified the wheat, in the Greek TrC^by, from TrOp, ignis, on account of its colour, it would bring in a confusion of images to speak of an alloy in that connexion ; when the verse should rather have run, "While Bret his Bowie-knife and smut of brain:" the Bowie-knife being put for the scythe, figuratively, and the smut, or mil- dew, literally; leaving out that other signification of the word, at present. However, since the Satirists, of whom, we suppose, thi.s prosaic person counts himself one, sometimes speak of a brain of lead, it is possible the meaning may be, that Bret furnished with the iron of his California tooth- pick, and that other metal, the alloy to the gold, and not to the wheat, an absurdity. Ed. A.TH. Ver. 168. Brei\ Notwithstanding the above remarks by the Editor of the Athenaeum, and what is said in the text, Mr. Harte, instead of being the heaviest, is the lightest of writers, being held down by no weight whatever, whether of knowledge or sense, and inflated largely with vanity. " A brain of feather, and a heart of lead : " But this does not apply to him ; for he wants all ballast, with which even balloons are freighted. Ver. 169. Thus freed the hutd from the much mingling tide^ It is a question among the humorists, where do all the//«j go to ? and, lately, where do all ihe tins ? of which, as the heaps don't seem to accumulate, 4 74 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Count out each ream the vilest usage takes, 175 Mandungus wraps, or what supplies the jakes ; Of Athenaeums all the heaps untold Which printed ev'ry week, and never sold ; All Kinglake, Melville, Neale, with Berkeley, blot. And left on loft of stationers to rot : 180 NOTES. and are only seen occasionally, glistening on a cart, or in a sink, we must imagine some such receptacle for them also. Ver. 178. never sold i^ Especially since the Academy began in every respect a far superior Journal, whether in point of erudition acumen, or taste, but, above all, of lionesty ; when the Public is not de ceived, on the one side, and the Author not misrepresented, on the otlier. The names of the writers vouch for their resi^ectability ; unlike the Athe naeum, which dares not bring forward those obscure scrubs it hires. Ver. 179. Kinglake^ Author of " Eothen," an account of his Eastern travels ; and an " Invasion of the Crimea " ; books much in vogue, at one time. Ibid. Melville,\ Entered the army, joined the Turks, and commenced writer of novels; among which are "General Bounce," "Good for Nothing," "Tilbury Nogo," an "Unsuccessful Man." Contributor to Eraser and Blackwood. Ibid. Neale,\ The Rev. Erskine ; has written some sermons, but more novels, of which some are Christian and some not, as, " Recollections of a Gaol Chaplain," " Scenes where the Tempter has Triumphed," " Risen from the Ranks," and "My Comrades and my Colours." All which, — but de mortiiis. Ibid. Berkeley^ Since the day is rapidly approaching, from the great in- crease of the illustrious, when all our time will be scarce sufficient to ascer- tain, and commit to memory, tlie names of the dead, (as the reader knows.) would it not be desirable to omit, say, half-a-dozen of Berkeley's. If, indeed, this be not a superfluous piece of advice, as the retrenchment has long since begun, and been brought into use generally ; a matter pointed out by Hey- wood, who begins with examples of the profusion of the Ancients in respect of the high sounding surnames they gave to those whom they deemed de- serving of honour ; as here follows : Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 75 Count out each scribe who hid in cellar sleeps, In jail who shut, or whom the workhouse keeps ; NOTES. " Past Ages did the antient Poets grace, And to their swelling stiles, the very place Where they were borne, denomination lent. Publius Ovidius Naso had the ostent Of Sulmonensis added. Publius Virgilius likewise had the addition Of Maro, to express his full condition. Marcus Annseus, Lucanus, Seneca, Bore title from his city Corduba." This when the world had few names, and the burden was light on the me- mory. But, with the increase of fame, it came by necessity, that, not only were some of the superadded names dropped, but those that were retained, curtailed, until what was Virgilius became Virgil, and Titus Liviiis, Tite Live, at which Chesterfield, with all his predilection for the French, was so much shocked. A matter thus noticed by Heywood, in the verses which come next after the above : " Our moderne Poets to that passe are driuen, Those names are curtal'd which they first had giuen ; And, as we wisht to haue their memories drown'd, We scarcely can afford them halfe their sound. Mario, renown'd for his rare art and wit. Could ne'er attaine beyond the name of Kit : Although his Hero and Leander did Merit addition rather. Famous Kid Was call'd but Tom. Tom. Watson, though he wrote Able to make Apollo's selfe to dote Vpon his Muse ; for all that he could striue Yet neuer could to his full name arriue. Tom. Nash (in his time of no small esteeme) Could not a second syllable redeeme. Excellent Beiu>?iont, in the foremost ranke Of rar'st Wits, was neuer more than Franck. Mellifluous Shakespeare, whose inchanting Quill Commanded Mirth or Passion, was but Will. And famous Tohuson, though his learned Pen Be dipt in Castaly, is still but Beii. ^ THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Who in asylums where the wealthy lie, With such who rave on public charity : Yet these compared how few with crowds untold 185 Which deep Oblivion holds, and yet can hold ; Itself too small, did not the sage confess, On trial made, this pit the " bottomless." Rich, poor, taught, untaught, in one task unite, P^or who for nothing fit, at least can write ; 190 NOTES. Fletcher and Webster^ of lliat learned packe None of the meaii'st, yet neither was but lacke. Deckers but Tom, nor May, nor Middleton. And lice's now but lacke Foonl, that once was /o/in." The Ilierarchie of the blessed Angells. The Fall of Lucifer with his Angells. A poem in Nine Books. Lib. iv. p. 206. Wrilica by TllO : Hkyvvood. Let it now, therefore, be sufficient to say, that Berk gave to Fras, of the Magazine, a thrashing, and ;i^loo ; money advantageously laid out ; and shot Dr. Maginn, into tiie bargain. If our young Nobility, and others, should follow the example of the Hon. G., it will then be necessary, as in parts of the United States, to keep z^Jit^/itiiisr editor, otherwise the poltroons of our Reviews will be liable to constant kicking, in the manner of Fraser. Crack liollo ! crack liollo ! a master of stag and fox hounds, was it rather a whip? Be on your guard, Hepworth. Wrote " My Life and Recollec- tions", with It's lineage ; "' Landon Hall ", " Love at the Lion ; " in addi- tion to whicli, so to express it, periodicaled occasionally. Veu. 1S8. this pit the bottomless. ^ Which is to confound it with another place. Ed. Ath. Ver. 1 89. Rich, poor, taught^ untaught, in one task unite. For who for nothing fit, at least can larite ;] " It is not now, as in former times, when men studied long, and passed through the severities of discipline, and the probation of public trials, before they presumed to think themselves qualified for instructors of their country- men There is found a nearer way to fame and erudition, and the enclo- sures of literature are thrown open to every man whom idleness disposes to loiter, or whom pride inclines to set himself in view. The sailor publishes Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. Jf And headless, handless, to the trade are put Of senseless scribbling, with a pen in foot. NOTES. his journal; the farmer writes the process of his annual labour: lie that succeeds in his trade tliinks his wealth a proof of his understanding, and boldly tutors the public ; He that fails, considers his miscarriage as the con- sequence of a capacity too great for the business of a shop, and amuses him- self in the Fleet with writing or translating. The last century imagined, tliat a man composing in his chariot was an object of curiosity ; but how much would the wonder Ixave been increased, by a footman studying behind it ? There is no class of men without its authors from the peer to the thrasher ; nor can the sons of literature be confined any longer to Grub- street or Moorficlds; they are spread over all the town, and all the country, and fill every stage of habitation, from tlie cellar to the garret." It is a hundred years since this was written, when they could not show one author for every thousand we can boast of now ; so great arc the advances which the world is making in population, as, also, in prose and poetry. Ver, igi. Aud headless, handless, to the trade are put Of senseless scribbling^ with a pen in foot.l As to a man's being headless, we mean, simply, as the expression is, that he has no head; no head for business, no head for str:ly, ' fit for nothing,' as the text has it ; the thing is known : but if tliere is any Reviewer, tluat is to say, inveterate blockhead, who, judging from his own impotence, throws doubt on the mechanical incapacity of a man without members, it is because, in the bottom of the obscure court where he skulks, he has not heard of that Gentleman lately elected to Parliament, who has neither hands nor feet^ but only a mouth ; which "he uses with admirable dexterity, not only for sucking, chewing, whistling, spitting, mouthing, speaking, and hissing, required as member of the House ; but for holding knife and fork, reins of bridle, pen, yes, and whip too, you dunce ; for it is plain that you have never heard, either, of what Philip of Macedon said of the Athenians, that they were like the Mercuries posted in their own streets, «// mouth : for of these figures the body was shrunk into a pillar, and the mouth distended ; something like the posts, opposite puljlic houses, with figure of horse's head, and ring in the open jaws, to fasten your rein to, Mr. Reviewer, when, haply you have occasion to make use of this part of your body, that is to say, to drink. Since this was written I have seen a description of the above mentioned 7.8 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Old age, in dotage, at the desk is seen, And boys compose a weekly magazine : NOTES. tusus naturee^ which I will here subjoin. " Mr. Kavanah has neither legs nor arms! He was born in this unfinished fashion ; and in place of legs has but six inches of muscular thigh stumps, one being about an inch shorter than its fellow; while his arms are dwarfed to, perhaps, four inches of the upper portion of these members, and these are unfurnished with any termi- nations, approaching, in the remotest manner, to hands. Yet, you will probably be surprised to hear, that he is a beautiful caligraphist, a dashing huntsman, an artistic draughtsman, an unerring shot, and the most expert ofyachters! a combination of accomplishments, under the circumstance of his corporeal imperfections, that is certainly astonishing. " His mode of writing is simple, but must have been attended with great trouble before he attained the proficiency which he unquestionalily has. He holds the pen or pencil in his mouth, and guides its course by the arm-stumps, which are sufficiently long to meet across the chest, and by this apparently impossible mode he produces a caligraphy, each letter of which is distinctly formed, and all withoot any peculiarity, or what is called cha- racter. When hunting, he sits in a kind of saddle basket, and his reins are managed with an expertness and ease surprising ; but, perhaps, the greatest of his achievements is driving 7ifotir-i7t-/iatid." To degrade a youth of genius, improved by application, like this, to the drudgery of daily scribbling, would be an outrage upon nature. What we desire to advise, therefore, is intended only for those who are born block- heads, and beneath the common level ; the parents of which are often at a loss to determine what trade to put them to, especially when the frame has been as carelessly put together as the understanding. For these no other means of obtaining a living, handicraft or other, seems at all so wfill adapted as this we are speaking of. In case the back is bent, for instance, it only brings the boy ready shaped to the desk, for which, otherwise, much loss of time, and of health, is required ; if without arms, tlie feet may be educated in as short a time as ordinarily is given to the dancing master, or in less, as only one foot is taught; if both hands and feet are wanting, it will be but slight cost to screw a pen to the stump; if an idiot, again he comes ready shaped to the business, as thought is quite out of style, and long likely to continue so; but if mad outright, the frantic passages in the sensation novels, it is to be supposed, he will do better than any one else, from the bent of nature, to follow which is the rule we are insisting upon. For further explanation : That part of an organized creature, biped, Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 79 From fops to foolscap girls withdraw their looks, 195 While such who long past bearing bring forth books ; Peers, postmen, duchesses, the numbers fill, Till all the gen'ral Public plies the quill. One from his wearied thumb the shears has cast. And one, against the proverb, leaves the last ; 200 Another on the board chalks his remarks, And Burritt from the anvil beats his sparks ; NOTES. quadruped, centipede, or crawler, which is absolutely indispensable, Cuvier demonstrated to be the stomach, the other parts, as we have seen above, being, one or other, wanting, on sometimes totally so, when the animal is a mere sac, which sucks its own nutriment, and thus dispenses with the mouth, Just spoken of. Physiologically considered, therefore, the brain is only that which guides (unless it misguides) the rest, the feet to carry to, the hands to seize, and the teeth to chew, that pabulum, out of which all those acces- sory instruments are nourished, and which supplies to the cravings of the mother viscus, situated for the greater convenience, in the centre of them. " Ventrem in medio qtiietum, nihil aliud, quain datis vohiptatibus frui ;" as Menenius Agrippa, long ago, very well explained, in that apologue where the meml)ers rebelled against the stomach ; a constant craver, delighting in variety, squeamish, and only then, like the boa, at rest, when gorged, unkss seized with a dispepsy, at which time, disquieting itself, it disquiets all around, and shows itself the prototype of that creature we are here considering, or the human of the naturalists. Ver. 194. And boys compose a weekly magazine ;] In the Advertisement for which especial care is taken to inform us that none but boys have a hand in it ; whence, that which is the special defect in many other publications, is in this the special merit, for all \'i puerility. Ver. 197, postmen,^ Among whom I may mention Mr. Richard Carpen, a man of letters emphatically, known as the Rural Postman of Bideford. Received, from the Civil List, a pension of £^0 per annum ; afterwards increased to £bo, as his style improved, by a just rule ; for if in proportion as the composition declines, the pension is retrenched, authors will be more upon their metal, and the Public still get the worth of their money. Ver. 201. on the board chalks his remarks,-] To show how invete- rate the habit is, Gifford used, when a shoemaker's apprentice, to write on 80 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. While he who curious once could thrums disperse, Weaves only now the warp and woof of verse, The rattling shuttle skilful then to guide, 205 But now this other tool from side to side. Our cobblers now to critick jobs attend, Who if they can not make, at least can mend ; When, these except, with one contracted view Each writes his book, and is the reader too ; 210 All industry absorb'd, our commerce dead, And wealth and wisdom from the nation fled. Some stringent bill might through the House be press'd, But that the members mad like all the rest j NOTES. the lap-board with his awl ; which he tells us himself, for he took pride in the trade ; as did Baudoiiin, who, to honour it, composed his learned treatise De Calceo ayttiguo et mystico. Ver. ^02. Btirritt from the anvil, &=€. ] Not in Utopia itself is it thought possible to dispense with War ; for there the scheme is, to make Money, wherewith to purchase Mercenaries ; but Mr. Burritt, who is a blacksmith by trade, although an author by necessity, would beat the sword into the pen, and teach all nations to settle with it alone their disputes. In Ariosto, when Discord was souglit, to send her among the Infidels, she was found in a Monastery ; yet is a "Universal Brotherhood''^ all that Mr. Burritt re- quires. This ingenious gentleman has sent " Sparks from the Anvil," held out " Olive Leaves," and lectured on Temperance, which last, in the opinion of Cleobulus, dpiffTOv fxirpov, is all yet wanting towards complete happiness, Ver. 205. The rattling shuttle skilful then to guide, \ O, that is all now done by machinery, and, at no distant day, so will writing. Ed. Ath. Ver. 210. Each -writes his book, a fid is the reader too ;] Hyperbolical ! hyperbolical ! ! Who is it, we ask, who can be supposed to believe this ? Ed. Ath, Ver. 213. Some stringent bill might through the House be press'' d,\ As in ancient Rome, where, under Tiberius, certain Members of the Senate were appointed, to stop the waste, and regulate the distribution of Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8* Nor likely soon th' excise to place again, 215 Or heavy tax impose on ink and pen, While Hughes, Mill, Melley, Torrens, for the sake Of scribbling, cry " our liberties at stake ; " Or " untax'd knowledge" Baines and Baxter call, Till half the benches echo to the bawl. 220 NOTES. paper : for had not this been done, said Pliny, all society must have suf- fered, and the uses of civilized life been restricted in one of the most neces- sary articles therein applied ; " chartse usu maxime humanitas vitse constet." Lib. xiii., cap, xi. Ver. 215. Nor likely soon tK excise to place again,] The impost on paper, which was removed some years before, and gave vent at once to a flood of cheap publications, making up in quantity what they wanted in merit. Every tax, said Gladstone, the British minister, is an evil, and therefore every man is pleased when he sees one removed. Yet is it certain that b) this change the standard of taste has been lowered, and the morality of the press depraved. Am. Ed. Ver. 217. Hughes,\ Thos. Hughes, M. P. Wrote of "Tom Brown," and a " White Horse" ; whereby he proved himself abundantly qualified to guide the councils of this nation. Extended his inquiries into the subject of impregnation, and, in morals, was of the modern school. Ibid. Mill,] A profound writer, and able hand at settling the "Unset- tled," who has gone to the very bottom of Political Economy. " Disserta- tions," "Discoveries," "Positivism," " Utilitarianism," " Representativ- ism," with an "Essay on Liberty." Showed how to balk nature, and, while indulging the vice, prevent the consequences of it ; a disciple of Mal- thus, who had observed that the populace, like books, increased much more abundantly than the means of keeping them alive. Ibid. Melley^] Not much known in either of his capacities, whether as Talker or Writer. Ibid. Torj-ens,] Wm. Torrens McCuUagh, M. P., who, like his panta- loons, when at Trinity, where he was more Sedentary than Peripatetic, has often been sealed 3.nd unseated, has written, besides other things, &c., &c. Ver. 219. Baines] Tlop(pvpoyevriTOS. I wonder can one say MeAayfVTyro?, born in the black ; that is, in the ink. The father of Mr. Baines was, first, 4* 82 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Yet e'en in this our final hopes are cast, The rags and remnants cannot always last ; NOTES. printer's devil, and, afterwards, printeu himself, as is the son, who is like- wise author, spinner of prose, both "Cotton and Woollen." A radical, who would overthrow all foundations, and leave us without law, literature, or church. Ibid. Baxter^ William Edward, merchant of Dundee, who reso- lutely refused to accept of Office, until assured that he could do so on "economical" principles. Author of "Impressions, Central and South- ern," and of "America and the Americans;" found his way to the " Tagus and Tiber," and, at last, to the Tliames. Ver. 222. The rags and remnattts cannot always last ;'\ Necessity is the mother of invention. When Ptolemy, before free trade was established, prohibited, as the Reader knows, the exportation of papyrus, lest Pergamus should have a library equal to that of Alexandria, King Eumenes transcribed his books on skins, thence called parchvient, after the name of the city. In this way, should the supply of paper fail entirely, so that none shall be left for any use or necessity whatever, I would suggest that criticks and other scribblers be flayed, and their hides dressed ; that, having destroyed so many reams, they should be enforced, by retributive justice, to furnish an equiva- lent. Cruikshank, the physician, made very good candles from human fat, and sugar from diabetic urine ; Macartney, the anatomist, in like manner, used to shew the students specimens of leather made with skin of the subjects; none of it strong enough for sole-leather, but very good for uppers ; and, some, from the skins of ladies, delicate as kid, properly dressed and curried, suitable for gloves : which being practicable, why should it shock any one, if parchment, a finer article than common sheep or calf, be provided from the same material ; especially if the victim should be flayed, satirically, and suffered to live afterwards, as beeves in Abysbinia, from which the natives are said to cut off a coUop, and then, with admirable economy, permit the place to grow again, until ready for the knife, as before : " Kill half a cow, and send the rest to grass." Peter Pindar. In fact, agamst the proverb, you can at once eat your cake, or your calf, and have it. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 83 The plunder'd mummy is already bare, And ev'ry beggar brat has sent his share, While shiv'ring Codrus so supplies the press, 225 Left scarce enough to hide his nakedness ; Stretch'd on the straw, hard fate ! from night to dawn, And his famed blanket sent at last to pawn. Some good conceal'd, 'tis true, may thus be sent, And folly found us with a wise intent ; 230 This taciturnity to free from pain. And copious defecate the costive brain. NOTES. Ver. 223. The plunder'' d mtimmy\ We read frequently in the Papers of cargoes of rags imported into tins country and England from Egypt, taken, as our Author asserts, from the mummies, which were swathed with webs of linen and cotton. Am. Ed. Ver. 230. folly found us with a wise intent ;\ Here is more of it; how can folly, in any sense, be wise ? Ed. Ath. Ver. 231. taciturnity\ The national distemper, which appeared so inveterate in the famous Spectator, who has informed us, tliat he had not spoken three sentences together in his whole life ; as a natural conse- quence to which, he must have died of an obstipation, had he not given a passage to his thoughts in this vicarious way, and allowed them to pass off, as in dropsical cases, through a quill. Tlie quill was formerly in use, but now we use a silver cannula, as also a steel pea. Ibid. The taciturnity of the English is perhaps constitutional, though IMITATIONS. Ver. 228. his famed blanket^ dx'c.'] *'de lodice paranda AttonitK." Juv. Sat. vii. , v. 66. As Juvenal mentions, in another place, the Bed of Codrus, I take it as most likely that when he speaks of a poet solicitous about a Blanket, he means Codrus again, whose poverty was so great as to occasion a proverb, Codrc pauperior. 84 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Not blame but pity thence to weak mankind, If scribbling but a malady of mind ; On wings unseen the subtile mischief brought, 235 Or, like the itch itself, by contact caught; Whence in the skull a tympany accurst, When other way is none but write or burst. NOTES. a Scotch liistorian has maliciously ascribed it to the reserve forced upon them by the Normans ; which may be, or may not be. At all events, wo in this country, in throwing olT the yoke, threw off all rcscrz'e alont; witii it. Am. En. Vkr. 2J2. defecate the costive bniiit.\ " This I aimed at," said Burton, " vel ut lenirem animuni scribendo, to ease my mind by writing, for I had gravidum cor, foetuni caput, a kind of imposthume in my head, which I was very desirous to be unladen of, and could imagine no fitter evacuation than this." Anatomy of Melancholy, To the Reader. Ver. 237. Whtnce in the skull a tympany, ^c.'\ Paracentesis Capitis has been attempted, but only with the design of disengaging water from the head; whether, in the same manner, words, that is to say, wind, could be let off, remains doubtful : since the secretion of water is slow and gradual, but this of words most abundant, and certain to be renewed ar. fast as it flows. A disease, therefore, to be alleviated, and not to be cured, some vent might be fixed in the vertex, and the peccant air permitted to escape npavards, as flatus down'ioards, with crepitus, or without : for so in modern hats, an a]iperture for ventilation is made in the crown, with a grating over it, for protection. If the operation be tiiought dangerous, let it be borne in mind that it is designed only for blockheads. However, extremis malis extrema remedia, as Ju|>iter himself discovered, when he felt that intolera- ble fulness in his head. "Cut my skull open," said he to Vulcan, "with an axe." "Do you think me out of my senses?" replied the other. IMITATIONS. Ver. 236. Or, like the itch itself, &'c.'\ •' Dedit banc contagio labem, Et dabit in plures ; sicut grex totiis in agris Unius scabie cadit, et porrigine porci." J I V. .Sat. ii. V. 64. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8$ But oft on earth, as delegate to seize And scourge mankind, has spread some wild Disease. 240 In Athens first with thirst intense it came, And blood-red rancour through the prostrate frame ; The eye, the tongue, inflamed, the fauces sore, And, for the fetid breath, no critick's more ; Then watchfulness began, or, if this past, 245 A looseness from below dcstroy'd at last : E'en authors thus, when studious vigils fail, Run in a waste of words, and void a tale. NOTES. " Strike," said he, like a man, bap^ui/. And, behokl, at the l^low, Mi- nerva, all armed, issued at the wound. " A serious matter," cried Vulcan ; "nothing less than a young lady on the brain." But, mark the moral: the pains of meditation at length ceased when Wisdom had decided ; but for the throes of Folly, as they are more dull, so do they recur incessant- ly, and, as in uterine disease, are without real issue. Ibid. in the skull a tyi)ipiiny\ Tymjiany is a disease of the abdomen, when being distended, it sounds like a druin. Whicli, since our capacities of skull are not capable of enlargement, like this otiicr cavity, where is the analogy ? Ku. Am. Ver. 239. But oft on earth, as delegate to seize And scourge mankind, has spread some wild Disease.] Some Physicians are of opinion that all epidemics are I>ut varieties of the same ; the porrigo and scabies, as in the penultimate note, the tinea capitis, plague, cacoethes scribendi., influenza, &c. Ver. 241. In Athens ftrst.^ &'c.] The famous Plague, as described l)y Thucydides, which l)roke out in the second year of tlie Pelopcmnesian War, with such symptoms as those in the text. Ver. 244. And, for the fetid breath, no critic/i's more ;] A fling at us. Eu. Ath. Ver. 248. 7'oid a tale.] " Notre Ilistorien Dupleix, Auteur fecond, prescntant un de ses Livres k M. le Due d'Kspernon, ce Seigneur lui fit d'abord grand accuiiil ; puis se tournant tout d'un coup vers le Nonce du Pape qui eloit en sa compagnie. 86 THE OBLiviAD. Book I. In Florence next, in all its fury sent, As for man's sins God gave the punishment, 250 In vain the kennels cleansed, the dung-pits swept, And free from all contagious paper kept, Big as a book of Ainsworth boils prevail. And all the foul infection fills the gale. In London, later, men fell down in fits, 255 And, just like desp'rate scribblers, lost their wits ; Some swoon'd outright, some felt a slow decay, Or died much musing, in the native way. NOTES. lui dit : Cape de di, Monsieur, cet Auteur a un flux enrage ; il chie un Livre toutes les Lunes. Le Nonce qui n'entendoit pas trop bien le Franfois, pre- nant la chose serieusement, s'ecrioit de toutes ses forces, pour faire hoii- neur a Dupleix : ! le gran virtuoso. O ! le gran virtuoso." Vigneul-Marville, Melanges, v. i., p. 189. Ver. 249. In Florence next, &'€.'] Read in the Decameron the Intro- duction, addressed to the Ladies, which contains an ampler account of this most terrible epidemic, as it broke out in Florence, in 1348. Ver. 253. Ainswor/li] Sometimes Novelist, sometimes Publisher, always Author, he wrote, with many more of the same sort, Jack Sheppard, the most popular and immoral of his works : for, like other men of great genius, he has sometimes risen above himself. Ver. 255. In London, later, (Sr-r.] These particulars I have from the minute and veracious De Foe, who writes entirely from actual observation, and rejects all uncertain reports. " We had no such thing," says he, "as printed newspapers in those days," (golden age!) " to spread rumours and reports of things, and to improve them by the invention of man, as I have lived to see practised since." — Hist, of Plague. IMITATIONS. Ver. 250. As for mail's sijis, &'c.'\ Literally from Boccaccio: '* per le nostre iniqite opere.^ da giusta ira di Dio a nostra correzione man- data sopra i mortah.'''' Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8/ A pit (how small compared !) dug fathoms deep, Close by old Hounditch entrance, took the heap. 260 Awhile thus raged with epidemick strength, Till, satiate of the slain, it ceased at length ; Then sometimes sporadic but sought its prey, Or pass'd forever from the face of day. Not so this fell complaint ; a sickly sight, 265 Attack'd from year to year, its victims write. (The pest at Troy 'mid mules said first to pass, But this chief fatal to the full-bred ass.) On man the cholera, then filthy hogs, Next seized the geese, and last of all the dogs; 270 NOTES. Ver. 259. A pit (/io7v small compared !)] When the Cholera reappeared in London, some score of years since, it confined itself almost exclusively to the situation of the vast sarcophagus into which those who died of the plague were thrown two hundred years before. Am. Ed. Ver. 263. sporadic] A term used by Physicians to signify occasional, or scattered, cases: the use of which technical phrase, together with one or two others, has led to the conjecture, in the uncertainty as to the Author of this Poem, that he might have been a Medical Practitioner, like Garth, who wrote the Dispensary, a work of great wit, and quite in the manner of the Obliviad ; but, in the present day, when every one knows something of everything, and nothing of anytliing, such an inference can not thence be drawn ; besides that this word is mad-e use of also by the Geographers, who write of the Sporades, from ffTreipw, spargo, those islands which are scat- tered through the ^gean, as they do of the neighbouring Cyclades, kvkKos, for the opposite reason, that they are collected in a circle. Moreover, the ••Diary of a Physician" is so \.\i.oxo\X'^\\'j professional, that it imposed on every one. Am. Ed. IMITATIONS. Ver. 267. {The pest at Troy ^mid juules said first to pass,)] Iliad. Lib. i. t. 50. 88 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. This likewise pass'd, when but some months endured, And but the Influenza all are cured. A thin secretion still from head and nose, As in this other ill of verse and prose ; A dozen handkercJiiefs to take the stuff, 275 A dozen sheets of paper scarce enough ; While heat, nor fever, crisis, comes, but thus, From noon to night, a waste pituitous. Rhyme, doze, or scribble, as ascends the fit, Hawk, hem, and snuffle, clear the throat and spit ; 280 Morose or melancholy, stupid lie, And, head on hand, you neither live nor die. NOTES. Ver. 269. then filthy hogs,^ Among which, also, chiefly about London, and in Middlesex generally, as I now write, the foot and mouth disease is raging ; having extended to these creatures from that species of the mam- malia under wiiich are classed Reviewers and Hirelings of Athenaeums, and known commonly as the haitd-to-mouth malady, though by them dignified as the viorbiis literatortim. For a description of the manner in which disease may be transferred from a lower to a higher breed of animals, see Jenner's Inquiry, 4to. London, 1798. Ver. 270. Next seized the geese,'] This, I fear, is an error of the Au- thor, for the symptoms, except the cramp, are not of the cholera, but of another epidemic : " The poultry higglers and geese feeders in Surrey are sustaining great loss by the outbreak of a disease not hitherto known in poultry yards. The geese are attacked as if by a cramp, and roll and ])lunge about in giddiness, and within an hour of being attacked by the disease, die in apparent convulsions. The old brood geese escape the disease." Newspaper. Am. Ed. Ver. 273. from head and nose,] In the base of the skull is a depression, into which collect both products of the brain, as well the /ituita as the ex- cretion of scribbling, which are thence conducted downwards, through cer- tain foramina, into the uares, to be therefrom removed, in the manner described in the text. ' Galen., de Usu Partium, lib. ix. , cap. i. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 89 In the far East, 'tis said, these griefs begin, Obscure of nature, cause, and origin, NOTES. Ver. 282. yoii neither live nor die.] In this correlation of complaints, it can not be denied that the Author, in pursuit of the pleasant, disregarded the delicate, as too frequent among the Satirists, Garth, Swift, Pope ; among whom Young is the only exception, the wittiest of all, and the most decent ; the objection against whom, however, is, that he rather raised admiration of his wit, than detestation of the offences he satirised. In the Art of Sinking in Poetry is a passage by Arbuthnot, not unlike this pf our Author, in which the images are as gross, and which yet have never been objected to. "I have known a man thoughtful, melancholy, and raving for divers days, who forthwith grew wonderfully easy, lightsome and cheerful, upon a discharge of :he peccant humour, in exceeding purulent Metre." Am. Ed. Ibid. you neither live nor die.] Another ! How can we, at once, be neither among the living nor dead ? And, indeed, dying itself is only liv- ing ; for as long as a man is not dead, he is, logically, alive. Ed. Ath. Ver. 283. In the far East, "'tis said, these griefs begin^ Obscure of nature, cause, and origin, Whence some fotil Demon bade them first depart. With Tales, and Gothic all belied in Art.] Mother of maladies, all the great pests have come from the East : that of Athens, which Thucydides erroneously supposed to have begun among the " blameless .^Ethiopians " ; that of Florence, which Boccaccio derives from the Levant ; with many others, including Letters, carried by Cadmus from Phoenicia ; the Plague, Small-Pox, and Cholera, which broke out at Jessore in Bengal, in the year 1819. Nor can there be any question that Gothic Architecture, first called by the Italians, in contempt. La Maniera Gotica, was in reality conveyed thence, and got among the Saracens by the Chris- tians, among whom it assumed a variety of shapes, and displayed many new symptoms; while, as to this other contagion, Huet, Eveque D'Avranche, gives the true origin of it : " Not in Provincia Romana," says he, " nor yet in Spain, are we to trace the beginnings of those diverting compositions called Romances; but among the nations of the East, Arabs, Egyptians, Persians, and Syrians, whose effeminate and fanciful turn of mind particu- larly adapts them to this arbitrary species of fiction, in which they take de- light to a degree scarce to be credited ; " as the Scotch are said to do, in scratching themselves, for the itch. 90 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Whence some foul Demon bade them first depart, 285 With Tales, and Gothic all belied in Art. 'Twas there Romance, invet'rate ill, took birth, The longest and the worst which yet on earth ; In meretricious shape which seen advance, Alluring child of Sin and Ignorance. 290 With wanton step and an affected mien, Lewd in each look, she swims along the green ; From hour to hour transforms the scarlet dress That ill-contrived to hide her nastiness ; At virtue stares, as her's the just defence, 295 And puts to blush by dint of impudence. With scraps of knowledge sometimes vain to teach ; Of metaphors a maze, and florid speech ; Then laughs, the first, at such mistakes as these. Her art, you know, is not to preach, but please. 300 NOTES. Ibid. In the far East, ''tis said, these griefs begin,] " The origin of Learning is tlie East, and of Error too," said Walpole, in a manuscript note on Eayle, t^oc. Braclimans. — See Philobiblion, Philes, New-York, 1862. From the East, said Petronius, was carried into Greece a feeble and effeminate style of writing ; a sort of windy and unrestrained loquacity, that spread like a. plague among the youth ; all of whom, he adds, fed upon the same pap, died before the period of maturity: "Nuper ventosa istha^c et enormis loquacitas Athenas ex Asia commigravit, animosque juvenum ad magna surgentes veluti pestilenti quodam sidere adflavit, simulque corrupta eloquentiaj regula stetit, et obmutuit. — Ac ne carmen quidem sani coloris eiiituit : sed omnia quasi eodem cibo pasta, non potuerunt usque ad senectu- tem canescere." — Satyr, cap. ii. Excud. Johan. Merc. M. DC. XXIX. Petronius lived among what he complained of, and made of his work a sort of novel, the earliest of the kind in the Latin tongue. Ver. 300. not to preach, but please.'] As if one could not preach and please, at the same time ! so that, hereafter, we must not say, Such-a-one is a 'pleasing preacher.' Ed. Ath. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 9I With her the youth, too soon delighted, strays, 'Mid painted meads, and through enchanted ways ; Afar where Fancy feign'd some soft retreat. And shades protect them from the noontide heat ; Till, lost in dalliance, all the day is spent, 305 And fatal through the vein the venom sent. When Julius died, as in a dismal shroud. Earth long lay wrapt in one extended cloud ; NOTES. Vf.r. 307. When yiiUtts died, &'c.'\ Such were the prodigies which, as de- scribed by Plutarch, disclosed to Mankind the displeasure of the Gods. And as Natui-e repeats herself, so does she also in her irregularities; for as I now write, on the 21st day of June, the longest of the year, a portentous and most unseasonable gloom overhangs the Capital, not a strawberry ripe, and the harvest doubtful ; all on account, as I fear, of the banishment of Com- mon Sense from amongst us, and the murder of Taste, or possibly a dinner to Charles Dickens. These phenomena fix ihe year, aivl even month, in which this work was written ; which, haply, I might be able to indicate, did I not rather wish to leave the matter to the ciiticks, in future ages ; that is, on the revival of letters, when the j^esent age of Goths, Vandals, Reviewers, and Romances, has passed ; which criticks, otherwise, the Scaligers and Bentleys yet to IMITATIONS. Ver. 307. When ynlins died, &=c.\ The Reader will have noticed, that, regardful only of strict truth, I have followed the historian, instead of the Poet, wliom he may examine in that famous passage beginning and ending thus : *• lUe etiam extincto miseratus Cresare Romam ; Cum caput obscura nitidum ferrugine texit, Impiaque aeternam timuerunt saecula noctem. Non alias coelo ceciderunt plura sereno, Fulgura, nee diri toties arsere cometiie." Georg. Lib. i. v. 46b. For so-a!so he will have observed that, following Thucydides, I haveavoided the poetical describers of the plague at Athens, as Lucretius, and others. For the poets are notorious liars, and to be rejected in all matters of fact. 92 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. Pale was the sun, and pale a comet threw [310 His beam towards earth, as when the Plague was new ; In sickly tracts once smiling plains appear, Unripe the fruit, and terror ends the year. When rose Romance, lo ! what portents begun ; As once to Pentheus, shines a double Sun ; Six moons at least make cold the midnight air, 315 As many comets shake their horrid hair ; NOTES. come, would be grieved to lose an opportunity of showing their learning and ingenuity, as so many have done hitherto in the edition of the other Classics. It is curious; but the same phenomenon occurred in the time of Dryden, who, speaking of the dulness and " perpetual (.iearth of wit " among scrib- blers then prevailing, ends with the following : " They are like fruits of the earth in tiiis unnatural season ; the corn which held up its head, is spoiled with rankness ; but the greater part of the harvest is laid along, and little of good income and wholesome nourishment is received into the barns." On the " Origin of Satire." Ver. 310. as when the Plague was new ;] " In the first place, a blaz- ing star or comet appeared for several months before the plague, as there did the year after, another, a little before the great fire ; the old women, and the phlegmatic hypochondriac part of the other sex, whom I could almost call old women too, remarked, especially afterward, though not till both those judgments were over, that those two comets passed directly over the City, and so very near the houses, that it was plain they ijnported some- thing peculiar to the City alone." De Foe, History of the Plague. Ver. 315. Six moons at least make cold the midnight air,'\ Bacon re- marks, in the Novum Organon, that the moonbeams have not a property of heat, like those of the sun, but rather of cold, on which account much in favour with the poets. IMITATIONS. Ver. 314. As once to Pentheus^ &'c.'\ Ka\ fii}y dp^v fj.oi Svo fity tjKIous Sokw. EURIP. Bac. V. 906. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 93 'Mid heat of summer spreads a waste of snows, In depth of winter blooms again the rose ; Births premature, as to bad writers, come, The mute now speak, and all the rest are dumb ; 320 Man mingled, monstrous, is both good and bad, Grave, merry, in one instant, sane and mad ; Time stands stock still, 'gainst Nature's gen'ral laws, Or hurries headlong on, while space withdraws. As stinking tapers show the spark at night, 325 But fade, or quench'd and hid away, with light ; NOTES. Ver. 324. Or hurries headlong on^ (!>•<■.] Among those loose, or de- tached sheets, which I have already, more than once, had occasion to speak of, I find an unusual number of verses, which the Author had orijiiiially inserted in this place, or immediately after verse 316, Hook i., but threw out, as too numerous, and running too much into the historical. For tins reason it is, that 1 have printed them in an Ai'PENlMX, as serving to con- tinue the narrative, and make the matter complete; agreeable to the pur- pose of the Author himself. Am. Ed. IMITATIONS. Ver. 316. shake their horrid hair ;\ " and from his horrid hair Shakes pestilence and war." Paradise Lost, Book ii., v. 710. Ver. 317. ^ Mid heat of summer spreads a waste of suoivs^^ This passage calls to mind Addison's famous description of the Region of False Taste, in the Spectator, No. 63. The "waste of snows," is from that couplet of Pope which ho avowed pleased his ear more than any other he had written : " Lo! where Maeotis sleeps, and hardly flows The freezing Tanais through a waste of snows." The expression " waste oi plains " occurs in the Dispensary, Canto iv. Am. Ed. 94 I'liK oiu/iviAD. Book I, So, when through air C'iiniuerian darkness ^rew, Shone Inst Romance, and with the dawn withdrew ; Her shameless face who now once more disphiys, And with the tallow lustre lights our days. 330 Coeval dread, with her the Goth rush'd forth. And emptied all his nursery of the North ; Reversed each monument which taste had spread, And raised his own fantastic piles instead. Again can air breathe forth the baneful gloom, 335 Or hides Karth still such nations in her womb ? N OT ES. Ver. 325. .4s stinking to/>it s s/ioui tlu spark at nig/it, But fade, or quench'' d and hid away, with light ;\ Uniiitellij^ihle, in an age when gas is in universal use. But, in plain words, as candles arc not stinlving unless hUnvn out, how can they then sliow the spark? unless he means tliat sjiark which remains in the wick, wliicii is not clear. — Hid away with light ; so tliat light ///'rding to this author, must be a powerful illuminator, for it enlightens our days. — V.u. Am. The fatuity of that remark! Have you forgot the words of your own speech, repi>rted vciliatim, (for wliicli see B. ii., v. I2i, oi this Work,) d,irk of days f Ver. 334. And raised his own fantastic piles, iS^"*".] For although the Ciothsdid ni>t luing tliat style of building which bears their name with them fron> the North, where were never to be seen any monuments of such, yet did they accept, become the protectors of it, and, by adopting, make it their own. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 95 For others this, nor hither such need roam, Our Goth and gloom spontaneous things at home ; Greece, in her arts, here Rome again o'errun, Where thickest fumes from Thames conceal the sun. 340 NOTES. Ver. 338. Our Goth and glojm, &'c.\ I forget, (for, like Montaigne, I must complain of a bad memory,) whether it is Allison or Macaulay who has remarked, that those Writers who had asked whether some race of Bar- barians were ever likely to overrun and darken the Civilized Nations, forgot that Society itself miglit generate and nourish such. And without wishing to cause any undue alarm or uneasiness, I will venture to suggest to those in Authority, that we at this moment may ])ossibly lie reposing in a false security; and that the regions of Wa]iping, Billingsgate, and St. Giles's, but particularly those obscure purlieus in the ne'.ghhourhood of Wellington Street and the Strand^ may hide within them, as m a sink, a breetl of Vandals, ready to rise and destroy all that Civilization had established, in the long course of so many hundred years. You think me jesting? Never was man more mistaken ; never one more serious than I am, have been, and intend to be, through this entire Work, note and text. The Goth and Vandal are upon us, and shake them off we cannot. The novel, the metrical romance, have once more overrun the nations; overturned that civilization wliicii Greece and Rome had intro- duced; and we are subjected to false taste, beyond our power to be free. The general mind is enfeebled ; energy of thought lost to us, and no people so much sunk in effeminacy have ever yet, witliout a long series of years, and a mighty revolution, recovered that manliness they had before. Tiie mind, like the mould, must long lie fallow. We are now emphatically without a man of genius. Men feel the degradation ; denounce the barlia- rian, and think they can eject him at will ; but the wi.'l they want, and the force with it. Beyond the ability of genius, it is beyond the ability of learning, to effect the change ; the voice cannot be heard ; the deafening steam-press is in action ; there is no publisher, no public. Dickens, Dixon, Browning, have their hoofs upon our necks; the Athena;um ])resscs us down ; the magazine is before us, as a wall. We make an a]3peal, in vain, to our ancestors ; the spirit which animated them is gone : they are dead ; and the language which they spoke is rapidly becoming so. Thought, wis- dom, dialectic, wit; elegance, nature, fluency in verse and in prose; in- struction; good sense, the basis of all excellence, (to say nothing of mora- lity, that I may avoid an invidious topic;) a discerning few: these, with 96 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. As plants oft seen in some dark vault, e'en thus Romance, like them, rank, bulky, poisonous ; A weed which, fruitless, widely spread o'er earth, Of wit nutritious makes this gen'ral dearth ; Prolific most where lands neglected ran, 345 And saved all labour to the husbandman. NOTES. erudition, were once present in England ; and I am ready to find that ?age a place ont of Oblivion who can tell me when they are likely to be united there again. "O sxclum insipiens ct inficetum!" Catul. Car. xliii., v. 8. Ibid. Got/i and gloom, &^c.] A London fog is such as a foreigner can scarce form an iilea of. It hides the sun, ol)scures the ways, penetrates the houses, and produces all the effects of a total eclipse. It spreads so wide, that once, when I took rail to escape it, I was compelled to go far into War- wickshire, in the centre of the Island, where Sliakespcare and light dawned together upon me. The description, from Diodorus, which, at school, I had reatl in the Cireek Reader, I fountl strictly applicable in the present time; the sun, said he, is invisible through the whole day, 5i' iifxipas oAt/s. Am. Ed. Vek. 341, As plants oft seen in some dark vault, e'en thus Romance, like them, rank, bnlk}\ poisonous ;\ Many vegetal)les, as potatoes, for example, if left in an obscure vault, send up a bulky stalk, and proiluce a bulb not eatable. The influence of tlie sun on vegetation, and even on animal life, is so great, that physiologists are in- clined to consider it as entering into the essence of the vital principle, and even to be identical with it. So that the Author not inaptly compares the growth of books with insufficient light of knowledge to that of vegetables shut out from day-light. Am. Ed. Vkr. 345. Pr.d:fic most -tvhcre lands neglected ran, ^ It is curious to oli- serve that where lands are allowed to lie fallow, the whole surface soon shoots up into a wilderness of weeds, which the cattle will not touch, unless it be an ass, antl among which many llovvers ilisplay themselves, gaudy in colour, and devoid of odour. Another, and not inappropriate, illustration of our Author. Am. Ed. Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 9/ Alone the novelist no care requires, Spontaneous barrenness the talc inspires ; Three vokimes in three weeks, the sheets display- Whole fields of Sala saved in half a day. 350 Fatigue of thought, nor serious search of truth, The link of circumstance drags on tiie youth. In haste to find, when scarce the book begun, What artful hid, and if the maid undone. NOTES. Vkr. 354. What artful Jiiil, and if the ma'd iindo!ie.\ A sufficient ex- ample of this kind of skill may be found in one of the oldest and most cele- brated of the Greek romances, which opens with the " endangered chastity " of the heroine Chariclea, for which a battle had just been fought, and which now again being placed in imminent hazard, at the hands of pirates, the reader is most anxious to be told of, but which it does not answer the pur- pose of tlie author just then to tell him. Ariosto, in his humorous way, has carried this art, which is that ol suspense, to the highest perfection, and never is in more glee than when he trifles with the imiiatience of the reader. " La vergitie a fatica gli risposc, Spesso iiitcrrolla da singhiozzi ardenti: Le lacj-ime scendeaii ira gigii e rose Ciu per le giiance e per li vestimentl : Pur alcun poco tanto si compose, Che venia seguitando i suoi lament': : Ma chi a tujn grado quest 'istoria ascolta Diami riposo, e torni un'' altra volla.'''' Olando Furiosi), Cant, xii., 94. Essay'd the virgin then a faint reply ; But scarce the word began than broke the sigh ; While from o'erflowing founts twin streamlets led, Coursed her fair check, and o'er her bosom spread ; Till fniding some short respite to her pain. She fain would speak, but only wept again. — But now much wearied, all this length of rhyme Who likes may hear me end some other time. Am. Ed. Ibid. " We do not like, as a rule, the principle of giving our readers the end of a novel before they have begun it." — Athkn.kum. Not wishing to ruin it quite, by letting the cat out of the bag. 5 98 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 'Tis found, impatient to renew delight, '355 Fresh tales infix the morbid appetite ; Of sober history infuse distaste, Reflection wean, and give the mind to waste : Meanwhile, precocious, with unwonted fire To prurient joys inflamed the young desire ; 360 Imagined wounds at first constrain'd to bleed, Till follies come, and worse perhaps succeed. Is there who safety of his son regards. Of knowledge, virtue, asks the due rewards, Respect on earth, and peace when earth shall fail, 365 Or, these but trifles, deprecates the jail ; Let such ere yet the poisonous fruit entice, And serpent tongues are heard in Paradise, The novel from his home forever chase, And with the moral make serene the place ; 37^ NOTES. Scott, inserting the Dedication of Waverley at the end of the volume, re- marked that, he had but put it in the proper place, since that class of Stu- dents he addressed, usually rea 1 the last page first : undoing all the charm, by too hasty a desire to possess it. Madame Dacier, Des Causes de la Corruption du Goust, censures La Mothe, as taking pleasure only in the vulgar surprises of Romance, and as incapable of enjoying tliat finer art by which tlie interest is kept alive, al- though the result had been made known to us. What skill, said she, n ust not that poet possess who attaches you to the narration, and surprises by circumstances the issue of which he had announced beforehand, with as lively an interest as if it had been entirely new. We are made to forget what we knew, she i-emarks, and are drawn -along again by the chain of events ; so that the dc-noiiement is as fresh after repeated reviews as at first: Unliise what so much fails us in the ordinary romance, of which it is a common thing to hear readers remark, that they have read it before, and want some- thing new. Ver. 369. The novel from h's home forever chase^'\ All the civilized nations are opposed to Romances, as plunderers of time, perverters of taste, and pernicious to morals ; but to find a people who have Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 99 That British moral made our steps to guide, In prose and verse which once esteem'd our pride ; Or this, or with much modern learning stock it, And teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket. NOTES. prohibited them by special statute, I am compelled to go, I regret to say, to the very confines of the earth, where that most ancient people the Chinese will not allow of them, under any f(jrm or pretext. This the English will never consent to, as interfering with the liberty of the subject, who desires as much mischief to himself as possible, provided always it be done with his own hand. Our own country, there is no use in concealing it, is no better, in this respect, than England, where we now extend the rule to its utmost latitude, the greatest mischief to the greatest number. Am. Ed. Ver. 371. That British moral made our steps to guide,'] It is surprising, said Swift, speaking of the Spectator, to notice the effect of these Papers on the morals of this wicked town. — Joqrnal to Stella. But not only the Spectator ; the entire succession of those Works we call the British Essayists, are replete with knowledge of life, and advice how to conduct it. When to these we add the productions of about the same peri- od, in verse, praised by Voltaire under the name of moral en vers, we have an unequaled body of etliics, calculated to inform, divert, and instruct us ; neglected now through the desire of novelty, and to gratify an effeminate taste, by writings which, at best, serve only to dissipate our time, and leave us, (lucky could we always say so,) no worse than they found us. Am. Ed. Ver. 374. teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket. \ That Fagin teaches to pick a pocket, is true; but that is only the boys he is teaching, and not boys in general, who are only told how the pocket is picked, wliich is another thing. Ed. Ath. Ibid. And teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket.] That well known passage, in which Dickens, with a fine concealed moral, strives to correct, in the old, the vice of filling the pockets, by teaching the young how to empty them. The Lord Chamberlain, however, could not see the matter in this light, and has interdicted " Oliver Twist " from the stage, as offering a contagious example ; which has brought upon him much censure, '' for so long as people i. Of c. 100 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. have access to the book, vvliere is the use of stopping the play? " In the expression of * * * *, the chuniteries of the Vaults of Death ; '^ " The Work Girls of London ; " " The Dashing Girls of London ; " "Black RoUo, the Pirate King, or the Dark Woman of the Deep;" "Black Bess, or the Knight of the Road;" "The Boy Detective, or the Crimes of London ; " "Red Wolf the Pirate;" "The Dance of Death, or the Hangman's Plot ;" " Dare-Devil Dick ;" " The Boy King of Smugglers;" "The Shatlowless Rider;" — with a page of names more that it is in some sort criminal to repeat. Most of these things, as they are not to be mentioned, so are they not to be read: however, the following, selected from a Newspaper, it may be excusable to insert : " Stephen Grantham reappears, and his present position is thus described : — He had been thwarted, and defeated at every turn, mocked at, battled with and beaten, and in every way held at bay. He had loved the Lady Isabelle Hewitt, and then George Meredith crossed his path. He had sought to wed the beautiful Duchess, and then Ralph Montreal checked him ; he had usurped the title, and held possession of the Wintermerle estate for so long, that lie had begun to feel quite secure, and then the boy, Arthur Cirattan, rose like a phantom from the blast to confront and overthrow him. He was chieftain of a league, all-powerful until there had sprung up an- other, whose actions were all against his brethren, and now, like a rat, he was driven into a corner. But, like a rat, with venom in his fangs, he was prepared to fight ; he would stake all now on the hazard of a throw, and if he lost, so much the worse for the world. " However, one satisfaction remains to him. A bank is to break next day, and Mr. Hewitt is to be ruined. 'Good!' says Grantham, when he gets this information, ' Isabelle will be a poor and portionless girl; I shall find her less obdurate then.' But his enjoyment of this reflectijn is but momentary. His enemy, Ralph Montreal, appears and challenges him on Book I, THE OBLIVIAD. IO3 account of an ahiluction. Mr. C/rantham refuses, alleging that the lady was ' willing enough.' Then Ralph Montreal: — " ' Coward ! liar ! scoundrel ! dastard ! rascal ! See, I spit at you, kick, strike, and spurn you ! And as I treat you now, so will I treat you the first time we ever meet in public! ' Each word was accompanied by a blow or a kick, and as he finished, Ralph spat in Grantham's face, and spurned him with liis hand. A hoarse cry, like the shriek of a hyena broke from Orantham's lips, and he leaped upon his enemy. Ralph met him witliout fiiiiching, struck him to the earth by dealing him one heavy and well directed blow, then said, ' St. James's-park, at midnight. Bring a second, and what weapons you choose. Meet me, or I will give you the treatment of a dog before the world.' ' St. James's-park, at midnight,' said Grantham, as he rose. ' I shall be there.' " Ral])h left the room, laughing at the demon he had roused, defying in his heart the revengeful devil breathing in the other's fiery eye and husky voice. " Grantham now rings for a murderer. Savage Mike appears, and being toUl that Montreal is to be cut to pieces — hacked inch from inch, unac- countai)ly declines. Grantham leaped to his feet ; his eyes were glazing, and l;e raised his hand. 'Slam!' he said, with hot ferocity, 'have I fallen so low that you — my hireling, the wretched felon I have paid to do my work — shall now turn against nie in rebellion? Uog! do this. Dare to disobey me, and I will have you torn to shreds, rent piecemeal, and your fragments scattered to the winds. Hound! dare to defy me for an instant, and that instant is your last.' " But Savage Mike holds out. For it seems that, a brute as he is, there is one sound spot beneath the blackness of his heart. He fondly, ])assion- ately loves the lady he is not married to ; and he is aware that Grantiiam has designs upon her, which designs are stated explicitly and in detail. 'Now,' says the injured man, 'do you wonder why I defy you?' 'Pshaw!' says Grantham; and proceeded to explain, in the shortest and plainest words m English language, that the lady had struck his fancy, and that he is liberal in money matters : — &c., &c." " Enough," says the writer of this Article, " Of the Wild Boys of Lon- don ; " "we need not follow Mr. Grantham further in his pursuit of blood and beauty, we have no space to spare ; the samples we have ventured to take from one of these romances might be matched from half-a-dozen. Some are even worse. What can be done to suppress them ? The mis- chief they do must be enormous. Surely they come under the ban of the law.—" It is the defence of this class of writers, that they describe " life as it is," which is the highest praise an author can aspire to. Nothing need be I04 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. concealed ; for as to thi«e who are incorrigibly depraved, tliey cannot l-.e made worse; and, as to the others, in whom tiie iniajjination is not yet corrupt, we know from the particulars i)reservcd to us of the State of Inno- cence, that in them is no sense of shame, which arises only from guilt ; so that, as tliere is no shock to delicacy in either instance, no injury can be tlone, while knowledge is extendcil, which is the great purpose. In which view, the I'riapus of I'etronius may be read equally with the De Officiis of TuUy, (pronounced the noblest present ever made by parent to his son,) and tiie *' Spiritual Wives" of Dixon with the Spectator of Atldison. This is " an age of progress;" and as Petronius succeeded to Tully, in like man- ner has Dixon to Addison. IUj'" The last paragraph of this long note is, in part, from the Author. Am. Ed. END OF TIIE FIRST BOOK. THE OBLIVIAD Book the Second. THE O B L I V 1 A D. BOOK THE SECOND. ARGUMENT. '" / "I IE Scabies, or Pest of Writing, resumed^ the Poet straightway puts the question, Jioiv put a stop to it ? He animadverts on the impertinence of Advisers, who, for the most part, seek contradictory courses ; and brings to vieiu especially Or i ticks by profession, who, attending on the Infected, catch wJiat they cannot cure, and so scratch, like the rest. The College of Ignorance described, a (}olh- ic pile, ivith its Library of Romances, Teachers, and Alumni ; zvhere noiv the great annual Conference, from which, male or female, not one is absent. Her Heaviness, on a throne, invites near her, amid a roar of acclama- tion, her favourite Dixon, whoin, first, fondly caressing, she bids deliver a Speech. His modesty on rising. When, after a pathetic exordium on Oblivion, lie insists on the right to censure wrong, urges to stop Knozvledge at all hazards, and to stand by her Mightiness ; {applause) shews that, while Science is limited. Ignorance is un- bounded, advises to folloiv the fashion of the hour, and counts hoiv many Fools there are in England. But, above all, insists on Morality ; dive I Is on the degrees of decor ton. I08 ARGUMENT. amid much cheering; recommends to S7ie for damages ; gives some admirable advice on the virtues, especially of Malignity and Defamation y instructs to praise when paid, and to revile when not ; bids stab with pen, and poiso7i with ink, should any slight their authority ; and then, after a variety of precepts, explaijts his grand Ar- canum, by which he engages to teach the whole Science of Criticism in a zveek. At length, however, approach- ing his golden rule, to keep the knave at all times, such was the clamour of applause, that he was enforced to stop. Thus interrupted. Her Heaviness appoints him Censor and Misguider General. Seated on the bench, it is now related, Jioiv he did not hear the case, passed sen- tence, and, with his own hand, inflicted punishment. After which, the great multitude of Criticks in these Islands is shewn; how enrolled in a body corporate ; how they ivrite it, and bring their shoddy to the shop. Lastly, after a humane episode of some good advice, with a parting ivord on Hirelings and him who hires, the Poet declares it superfluous to press tJiem more, as they are all^ criticks and criticised, rapidly sinking into Oblivion, there ever to remain, unless, perchance, Satire shall lift them. THE OBLIVIAD. Book the Second. THE race of mortals these ; their numbers vast ; Oblivion this, where all descend at last ; The itch to scrawl ; Romance the deadly sway ; And thus once vaunted virtue swept away. NOTES. Ver. I, The race of mortals these ;] Recapitulation ; more in use among the Philosophers than Poets, who leave the reader to refresh his memory himself, and make more easy the transition, which, according to Boileau, is the most difficult attainment of style. Am. Ed. Ibid. As usual, we have to search for a meaning. For the meaning of this, is, just as you understand it ; either, that these are mortals running a race ; or, that this is a race of mortals; in which case he should have written this. Ed. Ath. Ver. 2. Oblivion this^ where all descend at last ;] A melancholy truth, of which I am not without some of those fears which my great predecessor confessed of himself: " Ye Pow'rs ! whose Mysteries restor'd I sing, To whom time bears me on his rapid wing, Suspend awliile your Force inertly strong, Tlien take at once the Poet and the Song." no THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Tliis scabies cure, say, must the skilful try, 5 Like av'rice, desperate of all remedy? Or, rather, stop contagion ere too late ; IlWi?. gnildc-grass from our fields eradicate ; A sanitary cordon widely place. And strict exclude what left of human race ; lO Remuneration to the tradesman give, And kill the many that the few may live ? NOTES. Oil which passas;;e, the candid Scrifilcnts writes: "Fair and softly, good Poet! For sure, in spite of his unusual modesty, lie shall not travel so fast toward Oblivion." DuNCiAD, Book iv., V. 5. Ver. 5. This scabies'] A professional term for the itch, figuratively that of writing, for so likewise we speak of the cacoethes scribendi ; but this scabies may be for money not less than writing, or for both, a complication of complaints; *^ scabies et cantai;io liter i,^'' which passage I would interpret in that sense, the scabies of the pen, with the contagion of the purse. Vkk. 6. Like av'rice, (iT'i/t\/ i/o/tl-t-y] Not so fast, not so fast, Mr. .'Satirist ; we ileny that asses are subject to the spavin. It is even ciu'ious that the higher ^v<*(/ of horses are the most liable to, and the most frequently fired for, it. We have, in our own employ, many asses, that although halt, are not so from this cause ; it may indeeil be that a thoroughbred ass may be affected in this way; and when we say a thoroughlned ass, we do not mean to say, simjily, a great ass, a thing common enough, but an egregious ass, as by pedigree. Ed. Ath. Ver. 29. Infinitesimal aud full best seetn^ The infinitesimal men are the siinilia similibus, a phrase which seems sug- gested by that of Eimius, simia similis, while tlie full are the eoutraria eon- trariis ; the one the followers of Galen, the other of Paracelsus; of whom the former are creeping into favour, as people, for the most part, prefer to die by little-and-little, or inlinitesimally, which is the natural way: for, in fact, to live is but to die, by Pixon's method of speaking; or, in other words, to take every ilay so uuich fiom life, in liounvopalhic nu;uilitios, until Book II. TiiK oiiiJViAi). 113 Thus, too, of scribbling when the fit is on. And wastes to words the soft c'nche[)halon ; \\y pains parturient when Miss l)inah shook, Or Ouida the romantic \ni>' with book ; all is gone, and our last dose is taken ; unless by our ?«///, or otherwise, as liy our (/u/ufss, wc make ourselves immortal, which is the o|)|)ositc slate, when (lay after day is addeil to existence, mstcad of heinj; Huhlracled from it: and, as to the difTerence between {^ood fame and had fame, said Swift, 'tis a perfect; trifle; so that Ilepworlh Dixon is as lastiuj^f a name as any other, provided the |)ii;kle l)C ^jood. Satire niay, not inaptly, bi; (idled, anatomia vhioriiin ; \m[ it may likewise be called condiinriituin inoi tiiinii ; when that which we have dissected, we preserve. This, together with a few other Notes by the Author, runs pcrlia[)s too nnich into the carelessness of conversation, and discovers more of what in our language is called humour, than judgment. l'"or which an excuse, if it admits of any, maybe foimd in the following, lakcn from a criliciiu- on Montaigne, whose I'Lssays, as they are without strict nuithod, aie, on that account, as well as for other weighty considerations, not the less accepla- ble to the Reader : " Dans eette huineur on S(; jctle sur (ouUis sorlcs de sujcts, comme ;\ la ])i(()rce ; ct I'on dit aii liasard lout cc ([iii vi(Mit ;\ la pensec, risquant le boil |)iiMr le mauvais, el Ic niauvais pour Ic bon, sans Irop d'atachement ni ;\ I'un ni ;\ I'autre. On parle de lout connne si on ne iiarloit de 1 ien ; el sotivcnt (le rien, comme de (luclipie chose fort im])ortant. On commence un dis- cours (lar ou il d(!'vroit (inir : on le (luitle au ndlieu, ct jiuit on le reprend taiil(')t i la tele, tant(")t i la (|ueue. On ne dit point ce (|u'(jn avoit promis de dire, et Ton dit souvent toute autre chose ((ue ce ([uc I'on avoit pense. l,a regie la plus g('n(!'rale de eette nianiere d'c'crire, c'esl de n'en ])oint avoir, el la plus grande affectation, c'esl de ne rien affecter." Mi!'langes d'llistoirc el de Lilli'rature, par M. Die Vicnk.ui.-M akvii.i.k, '{"om. i, p. 142. The ,r/w/'rt shnilis, is, "Simla ([uam similis, luipissima bestia, nobis;" as in CiciiKo, from Kimins. Am. Im). Vkr. 34. Oiiida\ " La (('lebre ()uid;\, auteur aussi admir('e i|uu myste- rieuse de • Strathmore,' Under Two Flags, I've." A pajjcr in I'aris publishes, with remarks, I hat Miss Oinda i-, niariit-d, who writes to the Alhen;eum, that she is not, and thus, unavoidably, for il i» a part of the contradiction, publishes her own praise. 114 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. The criticks come, and this a fever sees, 35 That phlei^in sole agent of the cold disease ; A mere marasmus these suspect of mind, While those but crudities, or simply wind ; Immediate death from inanition fear, Or think the moribond may last a year : 40 NOTES. With the same artifice Doggerel is put into the Obituary, which all read ; (as tlicy do of tiie Obliviad, which is but a General Obituary ;) to which, next day, Doggerel replies that he still lives, as his Publishers, Messrs. So-And- So, niiglit have informed the Editor, who apologizes, and who is a]iologized to, in turn ; until fame begins, which a great wit likened to a shuttle-cock, tossed from this sitle to that, and so kept from falling. The last thing of this kind is in the Athen;eum, in tlic instance of no less a person than the Hero of this Poem, Mr. Hepworth Dixon ! "Mr. Hepworth Dixon's new work, 'Royal Windsor,' which we have be- fore mentioned, is in the press, and will be issued by Messrs. Hurst and Blackett, in the course of a few weeks. Messrs. Triibner write : — Referring to tiie first paragraph of the ' Geographical Notes ' in your issue of last Saturday, we beg to state Mr. Hepworth Dixon's forthcoming letters on Cyprus, &c., will be written, under contract, for wj, and will be supplied to several provincial newspapers, not to the North British Daily Mail exclu- sively." A marvellous specimen of tlie ]ineconium duplex, or double puff, by which two books are brought into notice in the same breath, and in such a way that Justice and Messrs. Triibner are alone responsible, leaving the Athe- naeum free of the scandal. If Dixon is to write about Cyprus, I warrant we shall have enough of the rites of Venus, and carnal concubinage. Ver. 36. phlegm sole agent of the cold disease ;\ The word phlegm expressed originally heat, agreeable to the derivation, <;<\^7w, uro ; but, subsequently, in the humoral pathology, having been used in opposition to the sanguine, or hot temperament, came to signify cold, which is now its meaning exclusively, and that in which I also use it. I find in a book of science the following liefinition of phlegm, which agrees ama- zingly with the literary application of that word : " Phlegm, an aqucoiis and insipid fluid, su]iposed to be found in all natural bodies, and obtained from them by distillation, or other ivtse ; coinciding with what the other j)iiiloso- Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. II5 From doubt to doubt the crew diversely brought, Until the malady tliemselvcs has caut,dit ; Consign'd to scribble while allow'd to live, And want the wise opinions which they give. But, tenanted long since, crypt, cloister, aisle, 45 And raised fantastic, a famed monkish pile ; With gibbous shape on clumsy buttress bent, Where things to laugh at stuck for ornament ; NOTES. pherscall water." — I also read, what is not a little curious, and quite appli- cable here, that " the later writers spoke of phlegm as a crude, aqueous, mucous fluid, of an excremeiititious nature, which prevailed before i)roper concoction took place." Ver. 43. while allow' d to live,] Namely, until killed by a review. For criticks are attacked by one another, and become each other's food, like rats, of which the more poisonous overpowers the rest, until, at last, some bloated creature remains at the bottom of the hole. Vkr. 46. inottkish pile ;\ Gray, in tlie fragment of an " Addicss to Ignorance," placed her in a Gothic building. Am. Ed. Ver. 47. With gibbons shape, ^^c] The resemblance appears to me ob- vious between a Gothic building and a Gothic book, no plan, but pile up, and extend your building until it covers an acre; your novel divide, like Clarissa, (for such was originally intended,) into twenty-eight volumes; or run your jioem, like the Romance of the Rose, or the "Earthly Paradise," into half a million, or thereabout, of verses. But it is j^rinciiwlly in the want of symmetry that this likeness is observable. In Vitruvius we find that the Ancient Architects took as their model the Human Figure, and kept to the proportions of it in their structures ; whereas, if we study the Body, it is that of one gibbous, with one shoulder raised, the other depressed, like Thersites, and the back, like that of Hudibras, higher than either. " ^dium compositio constat ex symmetria, cujus rationem diligentissime Architecti tenere debent. Ea autem paritur a proportione, quae grrece kvaXoyXa. dicitur. Proportio est ratre partis membrorum in omni opere to- tiusque commodulatio, ex qua ratio efficitur symmetriarum : namquc non potest icdes uUa sine symmetria, atque proportione rationem habere com- Il6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Great Grub Street's pride, with wing or wall outspread, And eked at random from the Gothic head. 50 Here Ignorance enthroned, long robb'd of sight, Yet positive to prove her darkness light ; Of Knowledge makes one universal blot, Shews what ne'er was, and proves what is, is not ; With dictatorial tone accosts aloud, 55 And with bold error misdirects the crowd. Submissive subjects to her last command, These eye the leaden sceptre in her hand ; Receive new nonsense, fast retain the old, And swear that what ne'er glisters is true gold. 60 Her College here ; where, in the nether dome. The precious parchment toss'd of Greece and Rome ; Where Tacitus himself half eat by rats. Dank mid-day residence of owls and bats ; Her Kitchen next, in which a busto bound 65 Tight on the marble neck, the jack sends round. NOTES. positionis, nisi uti ad hominis bene figurati membrorum habuerit exactam rationem." VlTRUV. Lib. iii., Cap. i. Ver. 52. positive to prove her darkness li.ght ;'\ " By means of the light that is within her, or the inner illumination," as Mr. Carlyle expresses it. Milton himself avowed that he mused, or, if you will have it, moused best, like an owl, in the night, and, after the loss of his sight, saw darkness visible. Ed. Ath. Ver. 6'^. Where Tacitus^ &'c.'\ The fragment of"the Annals which has been saved, was found in Germany, in a Monastery, on the banks of the Weser. Ver. 65. a busto bound Tight on the marble neck, the Jack sends round. ] This description calls to mind that in Winkelmann, where he speaks of " the fine bust of Claudius, found alle Fratocchie, and carried into Spain by Book 11. THE OBLIVIAD. II7 Above, some worthies, never meant to stir, With ' GrcBca' letter'd plain, ' non Icgitur ; ' The deep alcoves with lore Armoric spread, Undoubted lies of Brut-y-Brenhined ; 70 Colonna, Turpin, Monmouth, much abound, Regnorum-Chronica, the Gesta found ; The Squyre of Low Degre, the King of Tars, And Alexander the Romantic Wars. Not Mudie, in the season, better stock'd, 75 Nor Quixote's library more rubbish lock'd ; NOTES. the Cardinal Girolamo Colonna. When the Austrians, in the war of the succession, had possessed themselves of Madrid, My Lord Galloway made inquiry for this bust, and learned that it was in the Escurial, where he found it serving as the weight to the Church clock. Wink , Hist, de L'Art, L. vi., C. vi. Ver. 68. IV.'l/i ' Gr(Fca^^ &'c.\ In the Ages of Ignorance, (to wliich Hep- worth & Co. are now rapidly bringing us back,) a usual marginal note, wlien a Greek passage occurred, " Grseca, non legitur." Ver. 69. lore Armoric] Armorica, a Gallic province, now Britany, peopled, at an early age, by a colony from Wales, was originally the great hot-l>ed of l^omance ; whence was brouglit into England by Gualtier, arch- deacon of Oxford, a chronical entitled Brut-y-Brenhined, or the History of the Kings of Britain ; which, translated by Geoffrey of Monmouth, together with another such legend by Turpin, this stuffed with the exploits of Charle- magne, as that with those of Arthur, became the main repositories where all subsequent tale-weavers found their materials, down to our own days, in which we hear again of Arthurian women, Holy Grail, and the Round Table. Ver. 73, Kiiig of Tars,'\ Slang phrase for Ship Captain, novel of Bulwer. Ed. Ath. Ver. 75. Not Mudie,\ Mudie's, the great Circulating Library, where all the triflers in England, Ireland, and Scotland, men, women, and children, are furnished with the means of complete Idleness. Concerning which, to let the Reader see that I am entirely serious, I desire to quote from a book of Sermons, by no less an ecclesiastic than Bishop Butler : Il8 THE ORLIVIAD. Book II. For, lo ! along the bciuling shelves appear 'Ihe vvcll-gilt glories of the c)[)ening year ; "The Holy Grail" how snat»ch'cl up to the Skies, Dull tale spun out with ill-imagined lies ; 8o N o r !•: s . " The great number of books and papers of anuisement, wliich, of one kind or anollier, daily come in one's way, have in pari tJCcasioned, and most perfectly fail in with and humour, this iilie way of reading aiUl consitlcrinjj things. By this means, time, even in solituile, is happily got rid of, withoxit the pain of attention: neither is any part of it more put to tJie account of idleness, one can scarce forbear saying, is spent with less thought, than great part of that which is spent in reading. " Thus people habituate themselves to let things pass through their minds, rather than lo think of them." Sermons by the K. Rv.v. J. Ikrn.iCR. /'/vy'. NoTR.— One of those loose couplets, for which I ci>uld not find a ])lace in the text, as mentioned in the Preface, is the following: Read and forgot, from jxxlace to the hovel, 'Tis idle all, or rhapsody, or novel. Am. Ed. Vkk. 79. "yV/f //i>/v Gnrir^] I observe that the Laureate, who has always been a close student of the "Art of Sinking," as •visible in all his other works, has n\<)re particularly in this before us formeil himself upon it : "Take out of any old Poem, History-book, Romance or Legend (for instance, deoffry of Monmouth^ Mort Arthur^ or Don Beliaiiis, of Greece) liiose jiarts of story which afford most scope for long Descriptions : Tut these jneces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one Tale." Art ok Sinking, Chai\ w. PiiTTKNHAM, author of ^1)t 2Vvtt of BngU'fil) potsfc. had, long before Tennyson, written a UoimiUf as he called it, on this i^lan : " a ii\omanrr or historicall ilitty in tlie iMiglish tong of the Isle of great Biit.iiiit in short and long mcetres, and by breaches or diuisions to be more commodionsly song to the iiarpe in places of assembly, where the comjiany sliaihe desirous lo heare of old aduentures anil valiaunces of noble knights in times past, as are those of King Arthur and his knights of the round table. Sir iotlliiS of 5iOuH),uni)lon, (Giijj of i!!Slatbbi(kt and others like." Akpk oi-' Kni;i.isii INn'.siio, Lib. i., cliap. xix. Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. II9 " The Earthly Paradise," verse ne'er to die If length of line can reach eternity ; N o 'r !•: s . Ver. 8r. '■^The Earthly Paradise^^''\ A poem liy Mr. Morris, of 20300C)OOOCX)3 lines, more or less, praised, "and that liighly," by the Athe- nicum : a single work, so much greater than the two poems, put together, of Homer, as they include, all told, but twice twenty-four books, or rhap- sodies ; which, at one thousand lines a piece, or thereabout, make but forty- eight thousand: infinitely less than the "Paradise," (I mean that of Morris, and not that known, by the way of contempt, as the " Paradise Lost.'''') The question is one of arithmetic: find how many times 40,000 goes into 200,000,000,003, ^'^'^ ^''^ quotient is the criticism required. In the Pisgah-sight of the future glories of the em[)ire of Dulness, given by the ghost of Settle, I notice this Morris, wiio is the same with Besalccl, named in the following verse: '' Breval, Bond, Besalcel^ the varlets caught : " HUNCIAIJ, B. ii., v. 126. or, he subsequently spoken of as Morris : " Let all give way — and Morris may be read." Id. B. iii., v. 168. Morris, in point of fact, did not exist in the age of the Dunciad, or of Anne, and was but seen in a Vision, for we are informed l)y a Note, on the first of the lines just quoted, l)y the learned Sckiiu.krus, that no such writer was then living, or had ever lived ; having Ijeen held Ijack, the Fates willing, to adorn the reign of Victoria : " Si (pii fata aspcra rumpas, Tu Morrisiis eris." yliNElD. L. vi., V. 882. "all give way, that Morris may be read:" wliich of itself contains convincing proof that the present Morris is the real one, since (?// other reading liad to be set aside, in order to give time for the "Paradise," which could not be applied to any other poem than this; the longest known, lorigi, longeqiie, longissimniii, and wliat might, witli propriety, be called " The Paradise of Printers." This, therefore, being very evident, and that the real praenomen of Morris is not William, but Besalefl, by that I shall always speak of him hereafter. 120 TiiK oiujviAi). Book II. AdviMirioiis " Tuck " by Oiiida raisctl io view, III volmncs tlucc, next " Life aiul Death " in two : WMure IIeav(Mi, l^arlh, Paradise, and I"'aiiy meet, 85 Lile, l)eath, in some" six novels, all complete. vSaj4"e ti-achers here, where the wiile lialls ex[)and, Disclose e.ich art tlu^y do not nndi-rsland ; NOT !•: s . This ncs;»k-ol, 1 aiii IdKI, is, i)y trade, a tlaiilicr, tliat is to say, a scene j)aintcr, and, as poet, has stuck to his tnule, or, his trade lias stuci< to him, for his iiictures are sucli as will not bear a close examination : /// pictiira, poi'sis, lliid. An American Reviewer, of a mechanical turn, divides the praise lielw<-cn llic I'liel's l.uu y and liiii;ers, and while olheis aic ama/ed at the amount ol " head work," oidy wonders at the " manual toil, which must surprise even a practiced journalist," like himscll. '*.l/i'/A' i-i^li oprh col Si-iuio, i' ton lit iiuiiio.'''' Cil'.KI'SAM'MMl'. I .ini'.KA'IA, t'autoi., S. I. I once heard of a (.ouple ol lawyers, oiic ol whom had alu'ady liei-n four lionrs on his harangue, when his opponent, slvlv approaeiiin^ him, incpiired how loU}^ he was liki-Iv to liold out. Not a ;;rcal while, said he; my /(•<,'■.? are hejdnnint; to lail me. In which wav it is, that we may expect an end olthe I'aiadise, thioujdi lailurc ol linger and llunnt), or what the Doctors call the Scrivener's [>,dsy. " In hora siepe ilucentos, Ut m.\s;num, versus (.lictahat, stans pede in uno." I loK. .Sat. 1,. 1. S. iv., V. 9. /Vi/f" in mio ; it was tlieyiW which failed Lucilius. ll)id. Mi:n/ini, he who is first of the Italian .Satirists, wrote three cantos of an epic, entitled " r\i;.M>isi> Ti iJKi'.s rui:." Vkr. 84. "7,//>(i/;i/ /Vi;M"| There isa Work with this title, and on this suhject, l>y a youth of real genius, and real knowleilj^e, whom Najioleon, Ihst (.'onsul, honoured with a Moiuimenl. \\\V.. 88. Disilosf i\u/i art tluy do not nnilc-rstaml ;] Doubtless: for when a Hook is sent to the Reviewer, it is not to be sup- posed that he is aiipi.iinted witli th.it which he never saw before. His Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 121 Here, crowds immense, are the alumni brought, Where of the httle which they knew untaught ; 90 Of words a medley shown to toss by chance, And hive each year their stores of ignorance ; ^ NOTES. business is to tell the world tliat wliicli the writer told him, and to inform the author himself on his own book, with a sneer, which is all that is expected from him. En. Am. Vkk. 90. of the little which they knew untaught ;] As there is danjjer in limited degrees of knowledge, we gain in the loss of what we had ac()uired, and come back to the basis of ignorance, as to first principles. Those who teach music will tell you that there is a double difficulty with those who had been instructed previously, who now have to be untaught, and to make their first advance backwards; so that Timotheus chargeil twice as much to such, as Quintilian informs us. Again : The memory gradually fails with age, but so does wisdom increase projwrtionally ; until, as all knowledge is but remembrance, prudence is then perfect when igni)- rance is complete ; which, therefore, should be the aim of all our designs, as opening the way for that virtue which insures all the rest : " Nullum numen abest, si sit I'rudentia." But this is not all : for, in the present age of com jietition, since, immediately after examination, the candidate sets himself deliberately to disburden himself of, and forever to forget, all he had been crammed with, the curriculum is but half complete until he has brought Jiimsclf round .igaiii to the i)oint he had started from, like a horse in a mill, and ended the circle of the sciences, by the back track. 'Twas Themistocles that would have finished his education in this way, by that difficult art of unlearning, which now Dixon and his Colleagues are pretending to teach. Ver. 92. stores of ignorance f\ " Nil admirari ; " if this be a just rule, nihil cognoscere, is equally and necessarily so ; for nothing, it is cer- tain, has so much obstructed the progress of knowledge as preconceived no- tions. The mind, as Mr. Locke said, should open itself like clean jiaper, and come with a carte blanche to the undertaking. Lately, the Manager IMITATIONS. Vkr. 92. hive each year their stores of ignorance ;] From bVKON, Childc Harold, Canto iii., cvii. " And hiving wisdom with each studious year." Am. Ed. 6 122 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Till, all unknown, in turn to teach they rise, Wise doctors chief in skill to criticise. An annual thronj^ ; and now not absent one, 95 They come, a locust host, to hide the sun ; N o T K s . of a CyclopxiUa factory, asking one of his most thorough hands, if he had ever heard of the Conic Sections; I can say, without vanity, replied the other, tiiat I am thoroughly unacquainted with them. Good, rejoined the Manager, you will approach the study without prejudice, and slice the cone, as you would a pine apple, naturally, without impediment of the mathe- matics. Vkr. 94. If^ise doctors chief in skill to criticise.'] Smith, in the Wealth of Nations, remarks, very justly, that labour is the lot of mankind, philosophers only excepted, whose business it is to sit apart, and amuse themselves with wliat the rest are doing. Of this sort, as their name implies, aie the Ka'icwers, who, for the most part, being too lazy, or too stupid, toacijuire any handicraft, set themselves maliciously to find fault, and think they have done a good day's work, when they have turned the laugh against some careful labourer, or found a flaw in his work : This man has a kind of hobble in his gait, that is weak in the knees, a third short of vi^ion ; a fourth has industry in collecting, but wants skill to put things to- gether ; wliile a fifth can refit and adapt, but is indel)tcil to others for the materials : all which these idlers object, with an air as if they could have done better themselves, had they taken the trouble: A hungry, snarling breed ; and, for the greater number, like outcast curs, lean and mangy. ViCR. 96. 77/f_j' come, a locust /lost, to liiiie the sun ;] Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Kgypt, and the Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night ; and when it was I M I r A T I O N S , Vkr. 95. not absent one., vS^f.] OCt€ tjs oZv irorafxSiv iirdriy, v6(ra Nvn^duy, rat r &\poi'i d'aurais' Iliau, Lib. iii., v. 220. 128 THE OBLIVIAD. Book 11. O friends, since dark of days, and doom'd to die, Oblivion waits us, where we soon must lie ; Since loads of all of us still throng the way, 135 And Lud^ate left unlock'd by night and day ; N o T K s . possession of it already tliity, as pickpockets, wlio are also of literature, or plagiarists, arc wont. Ver. 132. sends the somiding prelude through the iiose.\ A signal of attention, and ]iart of tlie Ars Rhctorica. It was, I believe, the Abl)^ Boisrobert who first taught that a com])lete speaker should know to cough, s]Mt, and sneeze, apropos ; while the Cordelier Maillard instructed to he/u, when due cni|)hasis was recjuired, like Peter I'angloss, and thus per- fected the I'loquence tousseuse, at one time so nuicii i)-lon indien de se retirer (Pu?t maur'ais pas," as the I'rcnchinan has expressed it. — But this is foreign to our purpose, and leads us, if 1 may so express it, on a wrong scent. Vkk. 133. O friends, since dark of days, and doonCd to die, Oblii'ion, &'c. Not Satan himself begins with more gloom : " Thrice he assay'd, and thrice in spite of scorn Tears, such as Angels weej), burst forth ; at last Words interwove with sighs found out their wixy." I'AKAU. Lost, B. i., v. 619, Yet, here does Ilepworlh, to his credit be it sjiokcn, beat the Devil, wlio was weak enough to shed tears, whereas all moisture was dried uji in the eyes of the other, which were fiery red, giving the image of one who had been drunk over-night. But the Devil had still a little of the angel in him, which Ilepworth had not. " Nor less than archangel ruined : " Nor less than archcritie ruineil : to which I will make no objection. Ver. 136. And l.udgate left unlock\l, iS~a] This is not to be under- Stood as that thronged thoroughfare Ludgate on the surface, however fillliy. Book II. THE 015LIVIAD. 12<) Since courted, curst, at least be ours to haste, Usurpers short-lived on the throne of taste ; Willi bands Pretorian decimate the thront^, And hold the tyranny to censure wron^ : 140 With threats of chastisement the j^ood o'erawc, In arbitrary judgments warp the law, From fame long flourishing the honoius lop, Advancing Knowledge at all hazartls stop ; True genius banish, each just claim repress, 145 And to the last maintain her Mightiness. At this a sudden shout more piercing sounds Than hoot of midnight owls, or yelp of hounds ; N O T E S . of the earth, but one of the same name, far below, and much more thronged, conveying, by night as well as by day, as explained in IJook I., l)ad authors and their bad books, to the receptacle pre|)ared for them ; for as there is a " time for all things," so is there a place. Vkk. 137. Since courted, curst,\ Ilcpworlh was well aware tliat it was fear, not affection, that suggested those attentions lie was daily in receipt o{\ for, being a critick, Jie agreed with Aristotle that, as in Tragedy, terror should be the moving principle, ViCK. 139. bands Pretorian] A guard of the judges in Rome, or the I'netors, which afterwards, under wicked usurpers, was greatly increased in numbers, j)erverted all justice, and overturned all laws. The ai)plication is obvious. Vkk. 146. her Mij^htincss.] 'I'lie word we used was I/iif/iness ; the Ooddess being literally and eni])lKitically so, or as the author himself expressed it, " hig/t in the midst." Eu. A'ril. Vkk. 147. more piercing sounds Than hoot of midnight owls, or yelp of hounds ; Or clamour doubling till the roof-tree rent Of some crack'' d critick hot in argument.\ A hyperbole ; an egregious hyi)erbole ; that one voice, however shrill, could at all compare with throat of thousands. Again: rriiih\l critick; all the world knows, except this Satyrist, forsooth, that a ciacked |>ipkin, 6* 130 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Or clamour doubling till the roof-tree rent Of sonic crack'd critick hot in argument. 150 Thus they, while Hepworth blows a deep reply, And finger hides his nose and modesty ; Then with a leer oblique the circle views, Lifts to his height, and thus again pursues. NOTES. tliouLjh harsh and grating to the ear, gives not so loud a reply to the Icnuclde as one still integral. That empty tumbler now before us confutes him. It is true that what may be meant is, that the critick was cracked in the brain, and not in the voice. Then : "the roof-tree rent Of some crack'd critick ;" when criticks have no roof, but live in lodgings; which, doubtless, may be in a garret. En. Ath. "May be in a ^nrrct ;" why, that is the point ; immediately under the roof -tree : " Ubi reddunt ova columb;^: : " Aiiglki, the hen-roost. This En. Ass. must be fuddled. — "That tumbler now before us." There is an okl couplet, which I remember, and very much to the purjjose : " Tiie empty tumbler on llie table Show'd that he ilrank wliile he was able." Ver. 152. And finger hides his nose] Finger, instead of finger and thumb ; — but to waste time on such stuff ! Eu. Ath. Here the Author gives a flat contradiction to all Editors of the Athe- nreum, present, jiast, and to come ; as he has invariably noticed that Mr. Di.\on, on all publick occasions, uses but one finger at a time, (counting tiie thumb as one of the five,) right and left alternately ; and thus, for the reason given by Aristotle ; who observing that those who sneeze, sneeze again im- mediately after ; because, said he, they have not one nostril, but two. It was noticed of Geor. IV., a gentleman, that he did take the leg of a chicken between his finger and thumb, in a cleanly manner, but never, that I have heard, tliat he took himself by his nose in that way ; though now what these vulgar dogs of the Athenasum would assert of Hep. LIH., no gentle- Book II. THE ORLIVIAD. 131 As stnrs that stray on the ethereal plahi 155 Majestic march into their orbs' aj;ain ; N o r [•: s . man. and liis critical part, or that hy vvliidi all matter su])jcct to dciay, as books, arc nicely examined ; the nose beiny; brouglit down towards the thing, considerately, as you may see when a Poulterer is making trial of a Goose, or some such. Hence the invention of snnff, wliich the greatest men as Napoleon, made use of to irritate ihc uiiiKrsian.liiii;, through this itsagent. Physiognomists teach, that a man is grave by his nose, pert by his nose, in- quisitive by his nose ; though rarely, it is true, sagacious by his nose, which would be to oiual a man with a hound, jackal, or tiiat other, a critick. A pug-nose is an expression of great contem])!, when Nature has denied it the onhnary elongation, and it is like a lelescoi)e pushed in, through which you can discern nothing ; while when she has herein been lil)eral to the animal, we notice the greatest delicacy, with the greatest power, as in tiic clcph:!!!!, llie most sagacious of all creatures, which can either pick up a needle, or gnih M|> a (ne, by ilic jiroboscis only. The I'rciich have an expression, " le v<)il;\ l)ien aiwi/s," that is, flat-nosed, wlicii one has been baflled in sonielhing. That other polite people, tlie Ciini I'artars, an coiitraire^ (lallen this jjart, in infancy, thinking il a fool- ish thing to allow one's nose to take precedence of his eyes A sul)ject which I had intended to go into further, ami treat (,f at large had not a friend told me that tiierc was already an old I';ssay, in l,atin. on tlie same tlienie, by one Slawkkniikkc.iijs, enlilled de Nasis. I'lnaliy, however, that Mr. Dixon, aliass Ileiiworth, had a brazen nose, as Moilu-r Oxon has, or as suspected of one in the above Essay, I liavc not as>crted Iiaving s|)oken of his modesty; " liid his nose and modesty," as in tlie text : to vviiicii 1 !)cg leave again lo dii(li((nian : wlierenpon a [jreat scaiulal arose, and the Society for llie Prevention of sneh ()iitra^;es |)roseeiite(l the pamler, wlio shonhl have been lashcii, in addition to llie penal servitude to which he was sentenced ; and now, since the fnli measure of punishment can not always 1)0 >;ot, if tlierc is one who escapes the transportation, let him at least iiave the hish. lluil. As the first fjreat object of every author is to be understood, let iiic explain, at the risk of bein^; tedious, that what I have here written, as else- where, is n(i( lo be inlcipr.li-d lilerally, bul (ijjurat ively, as of oni' who introiliiK-il MS lo, and broiiidil in, a new sel of I'rosI il utes, in his I k, 2 vols. 8vo., with frontispiece ; aiul not that Mr. licpworlh I lixon plied the trade of a Male Hawd in the ordinary nhtniicr. Vkk. 20S. Siloii' s lirook ■,\ "The walcrs of Silna, I hal (;o softly," as mentioned in Isaiah, came from a small roiinlnin jiisl outside lli<' wall ol Jerusalem. 1 believe il is now souj^hl for in vain. " '/'!■//('/■ sniiurito iliil di (■/ XiH/oro / rii riiiiirn innihirtiiliiti in (ene) J'nr, per m-iuio ili Muse, ei son perenni. Lor niorniorio /urennr in tersi (Orm ." iJALViNl, Letlera. Thus in ICn{^lish : T36 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. How sin with scripture mingle in the book, And join Oneida's with Siloa's brook ; Me Ilcpworth hear ; opposing arts combine, And scenes licentious in the draught refine, 210 Nor all at once with hand obscene unveil, Lest modest Moxon forced to stop the sale ; To public taste repugnant all such sights ; So keep your harlot close conccal'd in tights. NOTES. " Sometimes, misguided l)y tiie tuneful throng, I look for streams immortaliz'd in song, That lost in silence and oblivion lye, (Dumb are their fountains and their channels dry) Yet run for-ever by the Muse's skill, And in the smooth description murmur still." Ibid. And join Oneida^ s with Siloii's brook ;\ Since already fi)rgotten by all Mankind, let it again be made known to them, that Ilcpworth Dixon wrote two books, one on the Holy Land, and another on the Unholy ; for so I suppose 1 may call that washed, (but not cleansed,) l)y Oneida's Creek. Ibid. Silo(i^s\ Tlie vulgar pronunciation is in two syllables ; but the primitive, and therefore the poetical, makes it three. Those who trace the history of languages, discover in them a constant tendency to contraction, or phonetic corruption, which Mr. Max Midler attributes to that laziness natural to creatures using sjieecli ; who, by syncope, contraction, and crasis, may reduce to a single inarticulate puff, what iiad been the material of three or four separate sounds, or as many words. Ver. 212. T.(st fiiodi'st Moxon, er'^.] Mr. Swinburne, Iiigli priest of the Venus Mcrotrix, with so unchaste a hand was supposed to have unveiled his goildess, that Moxon, who kept the shop, as soon as a clamour began, gave orders to put him and his strumpet out of doors ; thereby to prevent a de- scent from the police. Ver. 214. harlot close conccaV d in tights.^ Wiiat of it ? 'ii.i^ht ; he would not substitute loose^ as if in allusion to the manners of the harlot, which would have bten superfluous. Ed. Ath. Book TI. 'iiii". onr.iviAi). 137 Of sounds a j^ic^pjlc here ascends llie sky, 215 Till " order," " order," checks the j^en'ral cry ; 'l"h()U<^h, rebel to all rule, still Swinburne stood, And, waving wide his hat, shouts d — me, ^^ood ! At len<^th, 'mid much confusion, lle|)\v(>rth wins Once more their ears, and thus attain bej^ins, 220 Some sland'rer ventures ; draj^ him into Court, And libel charge upon the foul report ; Indecent motives, mercenary views, And that for lucre you had raked the stews : Your iionour injured, reputation lost, 225 The patient jury sit to count the cost ; N O T IC S . [1)1(1. close couccaP d ill (ii^/i/.f.'\ Ashy precept of Pf.tronius, a high authoiily : "/iMiuuin est include miptam vcnUiin -10x1110111 " ? Which veutiis tcxtilis, or web of wind, was Ihc same as tlie Cok- Testes^ (he invention of I ho /«<'aicnt/y nailed ; or, as it is l)clter expressed l)y I'l.lNY, •' ill deniidot fiuniinas vcslis." Ibid. JnvKNAl, was shocked at the lirontiousncss in his day, for tlic pictures were uiuovorod l)cfore the j^Miosts ; tlie next thinj^ I oxi)ect, he says, is to sec I lie ballet j^irls come ilancinj^ into the room, without their ti(;hts, h la mode de Paris : " ( Inccc Discumbunt ; ncc velari ])ietiira jubelur ; Forsitan expcctes ut Gaditana canoro Incipiat prurirc choro." Juv. Sat. xi , V. 162. For the pictures Juvenal himself has furnished an excuse : " raulatimrjue anima caluerunt mollia saxa, Kt maribus nudas ostcndit I'yrrha puollas." .Sat. i., V. 75. Vkk. 217. '^miiifiiiriic] I'or a more particular acconnl of this Gentleman, consult the penultimate part •)r Itook III., willi the /Vole. 138 THE Oin.IVIAD. Book II. And that no wrong may unrequited f.ill, CJiive sixpence damages to cover all. N O T h) S . ViCK. 228. six/>encc d(tm(ii:;fs'\ An amount, if small, wliicli yet was as amply siiHiciciit to declare \\\y a mute. Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. I4I Nor " level up," a phrase late hawk'd through town, Be yours to follow nature, level down ; The lofty headlong by the vulgar cast, 265 The grov'ling lifted by the blown bombast. Base be the knave who in mere dulness halts ; Press on, and be distinguish'd for your faults ; Leave science far, on greatest aims intent, And gain the praises of astonishment : 270 Did ever blockhead so adroitly miss ! Sure never nonsense so profound as this ! Nor nature fear ; your secret springs unlock, Or cut the unshaped numskull from the block. On some deep subject when intent, first think 275 How Swinburne, Browning, in like place would sink; Or ask, of fustian which just now you raise, If bad enough for Tennyson to praise. NOTES. Vkr. 263. Nor ^^ level up.''''\ Level up, a recent cant in English poli- ticks, which is said to be hawked through town, as yet only in the journals, which are carried round by hawkers. Ver. 274. cut the unshaped uumsktill^ &^e.\ Agreeable to Aristotle's theory of occult forms, that the Figure is in the Block, if you can only separate from it the adherent parts. IMITATIONS. Ver. 275. On some deep siihject when itttent, first think How Swinburne, Browning, in like place would sink /] OvKoivv #col Tifias, tjvIk &v SiaTovw/xey in^i\yoplai t» koL ixeya\o(i>po(TvvTi)s Senfifvoy, Ka\hv avaTrKarTecfOai irais / eirl r6t:T(i> SifTeOrjiray. Idem et ibid. 142 Till': oin.iviAP. l^)<)k II. 1 .(I llic iir.ipid llic dosed reader satc, lie (('cIjIc, trilliii;;, and crfcininaU* ; 280 Scant IViiil of llioiiidit , with words o'cilo.ul j'our tree, Mash freer yonr maU, and walei- weli )(»iir tea. Ofcoclviiey tippU-rs the lull thirst assuage, And ealeidate tlu- penny in the pa^e : TliKH- pints, lonj; measure, to the (piait yon took, 285 Three niueh diluted volumes to the hook. N or K s . Vicit. 2S4. ralciiltite the penny in the f>age:\ An cnuiucnxtion vvhicli, if siuiill ill the njjjjrej^iitc, is Imj^c if llic IjooU n-vicwcd Ik; liuf^o, or one ndiuillinj^ of cxlmcls, from wliicii we never dcdm t more lluin fifty per ccnl., ad 7>ii/i>rem. l'".i>. Ani. VlCK. 2S5. Three />ints, /i>njy mensure, to the t/uiirt, you took, Three ininh diluted volumes to the booh.\ Tlio olijirt bcinj; to diliiU- llic liook like till' boor, mul so do awny will) tlic hud «'tl'ci't, liml llic pdisoii liccii i()iiiciili;ilcillcr, di-rivcd (Voin iiiliic acid and rivj^s, called //(/vV ; very much as is the union of j;reen vitriol and j;alls, in tlic service of Kcviewcrs ami others, which actinj; on the raj;s, as macerated into paper, j^ives the necessary virulence, and, iriilalinj; the palate, corrupts the heart. ViCK. 2S6. Three mueh diluted Tolumes to the /'<><'/(•.] This must apply, especially, to the novel, which, by nulhority, as derived from nsa(;e, reiiuires three volumes, beloic "dilute lo taste;" in the same Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. I43 In true tautology e'en mc defy ; Repeat the same, and let the same be dry ; The great make little, and the little less, Till all inanity and nothingness. 290 But now, the thrice fill'd flagon held in view, To make more plain the argument he drew, He takes occasion modestly to drain. Licks his lips first, and then proceeds again. All science Lully could complete impart 295 In three short months, by his Transcendent Art ; NOTES. manner as the drama demands five acts, and the epic from one to two dozen cantos, or books. Other works are in lib. i., lib. ii., lib. iii., and so on, ad libitum. Ver. 291. the thrice fiirdflago)i\ Let us draw breath. One flagon, two quarts; thrice filled, six quarts; three pints to the quart, 18 pints: whence it is clear that Dixon was drinking for a wager ; a common thing among the lower classes. Iljid. the thrice fiird flagoii\ In this enumeration is not included the drink he took on first rising, which, allowing one at each interruption, being two, previous to the present, would make four •' pulls," in all. Thrice, most likely, is inserted on account of the measure, or quantity, of the verse. " A pull, a long pull, and a pull together; " but that is when a bumper is drunk. Ver. 295. All science Lully, ^c.\ Raymundus Lullus, philosopher of Laputa, a shining light in the Dark Ages, who in his work the "Great Art " shows, how by placing mysteriously certain circular and triangular I M I I' A T I O N S . Ver. 293. He takes occasion modestly to drain,'] Agreeable to classical usage : " Licjuido cum plasmatc guttur Mobile coUueris." Pers. Sat. i , V. 17. 144 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. To most illiterate show how with ease Discourse all day, and on what theme they please. NOTES. diagrams, inscribed vvitli the letters of the alphabet, on a machine, you had only to give it a twist, when subjects and predicates chanced into such a va- riety of combinations as sujipiied ready for use all sorts of definitions, axioms, propositions, criticisms, reviews, and knowledge whatever. One of Beat- tie's sons made a model of Lully's mill, and set it a-going in presence of tlie class at Aberdeen ; wlience that great number of discursive and metaphysi- cal works at that time and since in Scotland. Through delay of the Engraver I have not been able to insert, in the pre- sent edition, a wood cut of Lully's machine, and, not quite to disappoint the reader, will give the outlines of the first of the kind ever made, or that used at Laputa, wliere Lully was Professor, and from which he manifestly took the hint. I c=[r IJJJ. I- -^ III fiWi a -J -i- < 'a' ;* Y' " frt " The superficies was composed of several bits of wood about the bigness of a dye, but some larger than others. They were all linked together by slender wires. These bits of wood were covered on every square with iiajier pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words of their language, in their several luoo Is, ttMises, and declensions; but without any Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 145 The skill to criticise hear all who seek ; I'll teach the whole at furthest in a week. 300 NOTES. order. Around the edges of the frame, (as shewn in the engraving,) were forty handles, held by as many lads, who, on a signal, giving them a sudden turn, the whole disposition of the words was instantly changed. In this way, at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down. The words being read over, the broken sentences were collected, and, after correction, so arranged, as to form a complete body of the arts and sciences, especially that of criticism, which is the most arbitrary and technical of ail." On the whole, a clumsy contrivance, requiring so very many hands, and greatly increasing the expense ; as in our automatic composing machines, which have no practical value : they do the work, it is true, but the cost, if any thing, is greater, as well in preparing copy, as in the setting of it up. Might not an exception be made in the matter of vast works, sucli as dic- tionaries, and encyclopedias, which are but a sort of dictionaries, such as Ai)pleton's, on which, in a spacious room, in the upper lofts of their build- ing, I saw a great number of work-people, some of whom earned not less than 75c. a day, all busy marking bits of paper, or cutting them with scissors, and pasting them together. So that there remained little more than to turn on steam, and go to print : the whole being a work so mechanical and me- thodical, that a good machine might be got to do it, and without the addi- tional cost of steam, already provided for the press. Expense is thus saved, and profits increased, which are the main objects. Am. Ed. Ver. 296. in three short months^\ February, March, and April ; a conjecture of our own : for February, except when intercalary, having but twenty-eight days, and April but thirty, all tin^ee put together may be denominated, collectively, so to speak, short, though March, one of them, has 31 days. Another reason for which supposition is, that Lully could more easily teach his Art in tin's season, although in days numerically short, as the faculties have then a new vigour, and nonsense crops up unbidden, like weeds in a garden. Ed. Ath. Ver. 299. The skill to criticise hear all who seek ; ril teach the whole at furthest in a weeh.] I lately saw, on the cover of the Athenaeum, an advertisement from one of Mr. Dixon's pupils, which I here transcribe : "A young man, having some 7 146 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. The grand arcanum thus your own you call, No knowledge labour, and make boast of all ; Let educated dogs, let donkeys show The Arts they got, enough to seem to know. With much unmeaning lay emphatic stress 305 On ' feature,' ' platitude,' ' productiveness ; ' NOTES. of his time unemployed, would be glad to write Reviews, Address, Tyro, care Editor." Ver. 300. in a iveek^ So as to be ready for the next number of the Athenanim. Eu. Ath. Ver. 303. Let educated dogs, let donkeys show The Arts they got,\ Few creatures, indeed, can compare, in matter of training, with a dog; but for tlie Ass, a certain degree of awkwardness still adheres to him, of which, to do him justice, he seems sensible himself: " Let every man," said he, "lookout for himself," when he danced among the cliickens. Like the promenading pots, in La Fontaine, "Clopin dopant comme ils peuvent." IMITATIONS. Ver. 300. /'// teach the 7vhole at furthest in a iveek.\ The "Preceptor" in Lucian is less modest; he can engage to perfect his jnipil before sun-set. Whether the Author liad the Greek Wit before him, at the time he wrote, remains doubtful, altliough several points of resemblance may be traceil between this speech of Dixon and that of Julius Pollux. K";u;^*e Toivvv tJ) fxtyiffrov fxfv ri/f au.a^lav, elra ^pdcros eir\ to'Voij' Kal aWws S( rSKfiav Kal avainx^t^iav. alSci Se, t) iTrielKfiay, 1) /.ifTfuoTrjra, i) ipv^rii-ia, oiCkoi oirjAiirf, axpf^a. yap, Ka\ vneyavria t' 'Tis true, on Words is still our whole debate, Dispute of Me or TV, of aut or at. To sound or sink in Cano, O or A, Or give up Cicero to C or K." DuNClAD, Book iv., V. 219. In ribe,\ Irouice? Am. Ed. Vkr. 347. ///J wit old-f(iskiou\i ;) " How does lie fancy, we can sit, To hear his oul-of-fasliion wit." On the Deatli of Dr. Swift. Ver. 350. Twice twenty lashes, and a reprimand.] It is not quite certain that this reprimand, over and above, was according,' to the Code, which allowed but twice twenty, that is, forty stripes, as the maximum of punishment, without any mention of a reprimand. In the IMITATIONS. Ver. 335. his bad t)ieri/s\ " liy merit raised to that bad eminence." I'ARADiSE Lost, U. ii., v. 5- 1 52 TIIF, DBIJVIAD. Book II. Then dofifs his robe, and to the wretch appHes, Unheeded quite, or simply mock'd, his cries ; Bids bind the next, and makes the censure feel Who dares bring money, broke upon the wheel ; Now signs the sentence, now the torture guides, 355 And headman Ilepworth is the judge besides. N O 1" E S . days of Slavery, I used to hear the Negroes say, "You 'II get forty;" for tlie Black Code was formed on the old Roman law, which they had know- ledge o^ practically. Many among the Savage nations had their arithmetic at their fingers' end, and could count as far as ten, but no farther ; after which, they pointed to the hair on the head. 15ut the Black, from his " contact with civilized man," had become acquainted with scoring.^ and could count from the lines on his back. The wrinkles on a man's face, numbered his years, said JuvENAL : " Facics tua coniputat annos." Sat. vi., V. 198. Am. Ed. Ver. 355. No7V signs the sentence, ftoiv the torture giiiiles,] I'cter the Circat often acted in this double capacity ; " I can civilize others," he was wont to say, " but I cannot civilize myself." When the work was heavy, IIe|>worth used to hand it over to an understrapper, or \.inder-stri/>er, as he used to call him, in his better humour. Ver. 356. head/nan] Used, poetically, in place of //r7Wi;^wrt'« ; that creature of modern humanity, wiio simply induces "suspended animation," by means of a noose; which leaves a man still in possession of his head, and only takes his life. Further, it is, I must confess, in deference to classical taste that I have used this word headman, for the Ancients studiously avoided all inauspicious vocables, such as 'Jail,' ' Executioner,' the ' Furies,' which they mentioned, severally, as the Hotel, the Finisher, wlien the last hand is given to any thing, and, resjjcct fully, the Ladies. The Romans used to say, he has lived; wishing, as Bacon noticed, to retain something' of life in the words tiiat ex- pressed it already extinct. But, in respect of Authors, would it not be better to say simply, without any oblivions additions, he published, which conveys all the consequences in itself. Book II. TIIIC OHLIVFAD, 1 53 lUit arts o'er arts, and ^rcat to greater rise Men Irain'd at length in skill to criticise ; To teach the teacher, ami supreme to sit In utmost exercise of human wit. 360 Since first invented how to guide the pen, .Some six have written of the sons of men ; The rest mere scribblers ; or six more at most Some pages passable at best can boast. Look back ; more strange, not one confcss'd ap[)ears 365 A critick true in full three thousand years ; Imagined monster, when conjoin'd in one Longinus, y\ristotle, Addison ; Of this the feeling, that the force of thought, With all which fancy in the third had wrought. 370 N O 'r KS. Vk.k. 367. Iindi^iiuul inoustcr, vVr.J " (Jf llic llircc reciiiisilcs (o m;ilic a just Clitic, meiUioiiccl iihovo, (namely, strong good sense, lively imagination, and exciuisitc sensibility, )" says WakTon, " Aristotle seems to liave pos- sessed the first, in llie highest degree; Longinus, the second ; and Addison, the third." — A remark, in making which, this <-elel)rated criiick, I vcntiue to surmise, had in his mind what the Italians were wont to say of tinci- dis- tinguished Preachers of their country: "Lupus niovct ; 'I'oletus docet ; J'anicarola dclectat ; " of whom it has been said tiiat to form one complete model, it would lie required to unite all three. Vkk. 36S. Loni:;inus,\ LoNCiNtis himself attributes this perfection to various and |)rotracted study ; '''' tj yiip rwv Arfywi' Kf>i(Tii voWrjs iffri irdpai TfKfvraiov iitiyivvnixa,'''' for to judge of writing, says he, is an art whicii can be matured in any one only at the end of a long ]irocess of cultivation. If, therefore, we are left to conclude, from these opinions, that the most precious gifts of nature, polished again and again, alone com[)lete the critick, what, I would ask, are we to think of those who arrogate this title now-a- days, persons entirely illiterate, and incura!)!y lazy, and who have taken to the trade of rminci/;/!^'- only because, through excess of native dulness, lliey are unfit for any other? the work is already done 10 hand ; they iiave only to misunderstand, and distort it. 7* 154 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Thus far the curious : now these Isles survey, And count the criticks as they throng the way ; The daihcs six apiece, the weekHes two, The score hack authors kept on each review ; The briefless barrister, the schoolboy band 375 On penny magazine who try their hand ; Each half starved outcast, Parias of each trade, Each spinster pale, unvcndiblc old maid ; All these in thousands haste to teach the town. Anil put infallible their dogma down. 3^^^ No crew c()ntemi)lil)lc, enroH'tl of late, ICach right secured, in body corporate, Of these the many make the master rich, lUit work and want themselves, like those that stich ; With ill-join'd shoddy to the shop rei)air, 385 Stand, threadbare, back, and with mechanic air ; N O T K S . Vi''.R. 373. the wecklifs t7vo,\ Conleinpliblc I Wliy, \vc liavc two-aiul- twL'iily, l)t'siilcs (linil)lc llial mimbcr of s/t/s. Ju). A'ril. Ver. 378. Jictc/t spinster pale,'\ A moral and ])atliologicalf|iiestion arises liere, is tlie siiiiister pale l)ecaiise she is a writer, ox is she a writer Ijecause she is |)ale, and for Ihe same reason a si)inslcr ? Ver. 3S1. A^o crew coHtci>iptil>li\\ 'I'hal is to say, in point of numbers. Ver. 3S5. With ill-join''d shoddy] I lind in Soiitliey's Commonplace Book, the follovvin}>-, as a note, hy the Editor : " The stretchini; of hioad cloth and devil's dust are no new inventions. Witness good old Latimer. * If his cloth !)e eighteen yards long, he will set him on a rack, and stretch him ont with ropes, and rack him till the sinews break again, while he hath brought him to twenty-seven yards. When they have brought him to that jierfeclion, they have a juetty feat to thick him again. lie makes me a powder for it, and |>lays the policary ; they call it flock powder : they do so incorporate il to the cloth, that it is wonderful to consiiler ; truly ii good invention.' " Book II. THE OBLiviAD. 155 Tlic pittance take, then to the tap-room press, And pass the next three days in drunkenness. N O T K S . Not unlike this is the metliod of those wlio make shoddy of the literary kind : they set their brain on a rack ; stretch their scant threads of know- ledge, and this of the basest sort, so as to cover as many pages as possilile ; then (ill in with garbled passages from the sheets reviewed, expletives, and misquotations; which make the devil-dust of tiie web : truly a good in- vention. Ibid. to the shop rcpair^\ " Literature is, like every thing else, a trade in England ; I miglit almost call it a manufactory." — This the obser- vation of a Foreigner. Estriella, Letter LVL Vkr. 387. to the tap-room press,\ Among those detached sheets I mentioned in the Introduction, are many which I have failed to find a place for in the text, as the following : Hard were the task to name each scribe, or shew Who hid on high, or whose retreat below ; Or, swill where Whittington adorns the Strand, And gathers all the vvils of all the land. Where * * * * makes tlie sutty seat his choice, And ***** ijiyginjs furlh his Hibernian voice. Am. Ed. Vkr. 3S8. And pass the next three days in dncnkc-nness.\ The ICditor of the Athenaeum affects to doubt, " in the interest of his call- ing," Miss Braddon's representation, that hack authors, meaning, princi- pally, reviewers, " may be divided into rogues who drink with moderation, and rogues who spend their earthly existence in a state bordering on deliri- um tremens.'" — "Our own experience inclines us to believe in \.\\d general IMITATIONS. Vkr. 378. U7ivendible old maid ;\ " Silence is only commendable In a neat's tongue dried, and a maid not vendible." Mekcuant oi' Venice, A. i., s. i. But if the tongue be silent, the pen may speak, and with the more reason ; for so also a natural mute expresses himself by movement of his fingers, though without a pen between them. 156 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. Thread, cotton, needle, Moses makes provide; Pen, Ilepvvorth, paper, with the ink beside ; 390 No trifling drawback when three pence remain. And debt now goads them to the desk again ; Some wretched rhymer with much fulsome praise To puff eternal poet, for he pays ; Me thrust, with reason, 'mid the outcast tribe, 395 Undoubted dunce, for I disdain'd to bribe ; Of his fair fame some envied student rob And, just as they are ordcr'd, write the job. Yet far from me to bare their mean distress ; My pity take, poor starvelings of the press ; 400 Secure, though in contemi)t, to skulk from day, And count in misery your wretched pay. Or, rather, here, ere yet too late, attend, Nor slight the admonitions of a friend. N o r K s . honesty of criticism." — (lood! Ilcpwoilli is facctii)us. A little lower iIdvvii he brings in a word about moral decfitcy. Vkr. 389. Thready col ton, needle, Moses makes proTide ; Pen, llepworth, paper, with the ink heside ; Wliat is the vtean'ntg of this? are we to be told that Moses provides thread, needle, pi-n, hepworth, and paper? What is this hepwurth. or is it ha'p'orth, abbreviation for half-penny-worth? and that Moses ]ir()vi(lcd to that extent, "this extent, no more," and that tliey must provide tlie rest tlieniselvcs ? Wc liopc vvc liave niaile darkness visilde. I'j). A'l'ii. Vku. 391. when three penee remain,] The classical viaticum. Johnson, on an occasion, began ]>y relating: " yVt the time that I came to London, with three jience in my pocket." — " Wiiat's that, eh, wliat's that," said (larrick. wlio had overheard him, "thripence in your pocket?" — "Yes, David," rejoined the old fellow, " three pence in my pr)cket, and twopence ha'penny in thine." Vi'.u. 404. ///;■ admonitions of a friend. \ Tlicrc is not a little of the pathetic in these last few lines; wherein the Autlior, as if ilesirous of making amends for the lew harsh things lie had Hook II. riii-; oiM.iviAi). 157 Is there no dirty work hut of Ihc pen ? 405 Are ini(hiij;ht shovels held by Ijeller men ? Does other niurder your base soul anVii^ht Save such with [)oison'd arrow in the ni^hl ? Garroter, then ; and should your chance not save, He coward stript, and get the lash you gave ; 410 Siiid, in llic way of jest, IxjCorc, iissiinics son St'rifux, and j;ivcs some cxccl- K'lit />/i!i//,,i/ :i(lvi(c: for, rcllccling tli:it, as no one is siuldcnly l);id, so 110 Olio iinmcdialciy t;oo. Ibid. slioiild your < ho nee not sane, lie co7iuird sfripf, mid ^ct Ihe lash you f;tn,- /lis own tni>is/>ortt-r o'er tli( seas ;\ Wc, in this country, send our malefactors to the Penitentiary; bul in I'jii^- land Ihey send them beyond .seas, to Motany l$ay, or elsewhere. The ro;^ue, however, sometimes ^oes into voluntary e.xile, to give the slip to the j.olice, or to a bad reputation. ,\m i,;„_ 1 M IT ATI ON S. Vkk. 415. As pi,k/^urs,-^ * * * ,„-rer more ,fe/a>n,;] " (!ood name, in man, and wniiian, dear my hud, Is the immediate jewel of their souls; Who steals my purse, .steals trash; 'tis somelhint;, nothint;; 'Twas mine, 'lis his, and has been slave to lliousands: Ihit he, I hat Idrhcs iVom mc my jjood name, Robs me of llial, which nol enriches him, Anil makes nu- pixu indci-d." Wherefore, on the authority of SllAKKSl-KAUK himself, a libeller turned thief rises in character: additional pr.)orof ihc sinceiily of our Author's advice, even, as in the present iuslauic, whcie il seems lo be but ironic. il. , Am. Iu>. Book II. THE OHLIVIAD, 1 59 And * *, who \on<^ had stoop'd to stain reviews, Kcej) his crouch'd posture still, and black but shoes: liut all alike from Alhcniuuni door Turn off, and in that kind offend no more. 420 Meanwhile whom wealth at ease allows to sit Above the rest at distance infinite, N o 'r E s . Vr.R. 418. Keep his croiich\l posture, i^c.^ Brings to iniixl the remark of Swn'"r : '* Amljition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices: so clinibiny; is performed in the same posture witli creeping." And so also, whetlier one holds a blacking-ljrush, or a blacking-pen, lie stoops the same. Am. Eu. Vek. 419. But all alilu' froui Alhcuicuin door Turn off,\ Meaning, I suppose, that whatever else they turned to^ this Athcn;cum they slioiild liMii from. Am. Eu. ll)id. Atheuiruiii\ Again! Eu. Aril. I M I I' A I' IONS. Ver. 420. Turn olf\\ This early pause in the verse is intended for the greater emphasis, as in the following : Tbv 5' fTfpov ^i(l>('i fifyd\(i> kAtjiSb Tra/j' . Lib. v., V. 146. " Quid moror? an nica Pygmalion dum moenia fratcr Destruat ? " ALneid. Lib. iv., v. 325. " Turn frcla diffumli, rapidisijuc tumescere ventis Jussit." Ovid. Met. Lib. i., v. 36. " And over them triumphant Death his dart Shook." Pakauisk Lost, B. xi., v. 491. " Am]ihion there the loud creating lyre Strikes." Poi'E, TempK.' of l'"ame, v. S6. The rest in tiiis last, it is remarkalile, is on the identical word with Jlomer, HaT,!' — a monosyllable, in which the Latin is defective, as the English redunilant. l6o THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. On blood who bulky grown of ev'ry slave Successive sent to an untimely grave, *A lord perhaps and lackey in his train,' 425 In all the insolence of ill-got gain, Lolls in his coach with self-complacent air, Nor knows contempt when all the vulgar stare. NOTES. Ver. 421. whom wealth at ease allows to j/V] It is certain that the Proprietors of the shoddy factory in Wellington Street have made, in former days, more money in a single week than all the great poets, those but just now quoted, and tlie rest, ever made, put all together, in the whole course of their lives. Ver. 422. Above the rest at distance iiifiiiite,^ At Christmas, when Authors, Thieves, and Beggars, share the annual din- ner. Ver. 423. On blood who bulky grown of ev'ry slave Successive sent to an untimely grave, ~\ Can not something like a factory act be passed ? since in these shoddy shops, as well as in those of the other sort, not only is the term of human life short- ened, and the body cramped, but the mind too, and the morals depraved : every object united of the primitive " enactment." We have it on the exact authority of Statistics, that nothing so much shortens human life as dust, which would seem to bring men prematurely to the primitive material from which they sprung. Hence those who work in plaster-of-Paris are very short-lived, bakers, and those who cut files, or point needles. Next to which, or what is most dry, in point of mortality, comes what is most moist, as gin, and the like. Wherefore it is that we find, of all mechanics, shoddy writers the most deciduous, who are at once assailed by one cause and the other, the moist and the dry, or, rather, the dry and the moist, which are opposite conflicting elements; and this, whatever a great wit has advanced to the contrary : " The dust in smaller particles arose. Than those which fluid bodies do compose: Contraries in extremes do often meet, 'Twas now so dry, that you might call it wet." Arbuthnot. Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. l6l And is this he, and these the hireling tools, Redoubted teachers of the mass of fools ; 430 Who spit their venom on each work of art, Dishonest stain, but of the stone no part ; Wash'd off by time, when all save worth decays, And crowds indignant swell the gen'ral praise ? But, undistinguish'd all, a fleeting brood, 435 The rogue reviewing, and the dolt review' d, Since emulous to urge the race to shame, And snatch the prize of an inverted fame ; Superfluous rage to meditate the blow. And press the wretch so soon to sink below, 440 Each name denied him where applause outlives, And resurrection save what Satire gives. NOTES. Ver. 431. IF/io spit their venom on each work of art^ Nothing so divine as to escape them: "and they spat upon him;" we know Who it was that suffered that indignity. Ver. 442. Satire^ "Satire," said SwiFT, "is reckoned the easiest of all wit ; but I take it to be otherwise in very bad times : for it is as hard to satirize well a man of distinguished vices, as to praise well a man of dis- tinguished virtues." Precisely the difficulty I labour under. My predeces- sors had men of no mean abilities to ridicule ; but what is despicable is al- ready beneath notice : yet such are those that I must rake from their ken- nels. END OF BOOK THE SECOND. THE OBLIVIAD Book the Third. THE O B L I V I A D. BOOK THE THIRD. ARGUMENT. C^/IVCE signified in the close of the last Book, that out of Oblivion there anight, possibly, be a short redemp- tion^ the Poet takes his stand on the edge of the Deep, and, by means of taekle which he had borroived from Atlantic Cable Company, proceeds to drag up the Scrib- blers, tvitJi their works. But, first, having tossed aside a sedge of loose Diurnal Sheets, he invokes the Muses to the arduous attempt, in the manner of Homer, that they might repeat to Jiim the names of the chief Blockheads at least and their books. Bulwer is first brought up^ together with a hulk of play, politicks, and novel ; througJi all ivhich, however, is discernible, as lead in mines, a vein of romance. He is portrayed at full length, unlike the picture before his book, in his several parts of fop, philosopher., and poet. Next, Tennyson, zvith the laurel defiled with mud, is dragged aloft. Ob- tains the merited applause, who could hide the bad be- neath the singular. Alternately groveling and bombas- tic, he is collo juially careless and dull elaborately. His l66 ARGUMENT. doggerel on Balaklava. Parasitic and stuck to Tennyson^ BucluDiaii is now laid hold of, ivhotn a little practice viay make as bad in time. The discord of his ' ' ivluizzle- ivJiazzW'' is noticed^ together zvith a " weight of peep" and other nonsense. After these Szuinbnrne is angled lip, in sncJi posture as dog fro/n Thames. Had taught Mr. John Bull to dine on chimeras; very vain of a magpie coat , piebald of Greek and English^ a youth who surpassed the chief of his contemporaries in confounding the confused. His escapade in Grub Street. But from pits far deeper Browning is next dredged up ; one of strange shape ; intolerant of day ; a sort of lusus, whom Barnum had caught, caged, and exhibited. At length, moping about, /^;' fnds a thing very unco})imo)i in these days, a Book, of which an epitome is given. In nook apart, on the Western side, from a gregarious crozod, a pair of poets, tzvins, like the Siamese, are taken. Whit- man and Salt us, of whom the former is pronounced the most inscrutable. Of the same school, Holland is here laid hold of, lost in a fog, and parent of children, pur- blind as himself. After ivhom a throng unnumbered is wcigJied up, great and small, as in a dragnet, whose names alone are recorded ; for as the Poet was proceeding to examine them separately, they slipped from his hand, as fish are wont, and he could not again catch them. Only one snatched, who once Longfelloiv, maestro of dissonance, and hoarser than Codrus. The Poet ex- presses the intensity of his pain ; in despite of which, hoiuever, he is forced to laugh at the extraordinary hob- ble of this author : in which good humour this third Book of the Obliviad concludes / Just in the same manner as the first of the Iliad, {to compare great things zvith ARGUMENT. 167 small ^ zvhere the gods are like to split at sight of Vul- can, having both legs lame, as he limped round with the lice tar. "Aa^ea-TO^ S' lip evcopro yeXro'i fiaKupeaat OeoXaiVj fit thov "H^avaTov hcci Sco/mTa iroiTrvvovTa. Iliad, Lib. I., v. 599. '^J^^ THE OBLIVIAD. Book the Third. HERE, then, I stand where sleeps the ceaseless Deep, And Earth's huge hollows to the centre sweep ; Above the mist, where, with terrific glare. Gigantic shape. Death lifts the dart in air ; Here, dauntless, brought, to work while I am able 5 With borrow'd tackle of Atlantic cable ; NOTES. Ver. I. Here, then, f stand] In midius res, as the Latin plirase is; Ob- livion ; which is his l^eginning, liis middle, and his end. Virgil, denounced by that despotic crilick, Caligula, as an ignorant and unskilful bungler, opens his poem within hail of Latium, to leave it forthwith, to return to it, in the "middle of his song," like John (Jilpin, that is, at the opening of his seventh book, there being twelve in all ; as there are four in this dwai f concern, of which this is the third, which, in the first, asks the Muse, veiy unnecessarily, to teach him to sink, and grope for "each vile scribbler." This is, what we call, the crooked way which leads io perdition. Ed. Ath. Ibid. the ceaseless Deep,] An expression of the Poets to signify the ever-changifig-sea ; but that is not what I mean; rather, that the waters of Oblivion rest unceasingly, without a puff; as in Book I, which, no doubt, tile Reader remembers. 6 170 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Each Scribbler drag from the ObHvious pool, And hold aloft to light, or knave or fool. But, first, found sinking 'neath the nearer edge, Dishevel'd sheets, and like a waste of sedge, lO Itself a chaos, all the mass profuse Of News, yet reeking from the morning use. NOTES. Ver. 6. borroiu'd tackle\ Aratim: for borrowed, read stolen, a.s &\\\img a. plagiarist. Ed. Ath. Ibid. borrotu'd tackle of Atlantic cable ;] I desire here to offer, publickiy, as I have already done privately, my thanks to the Telegraph Company, for their liberality "on this occasion," and also to Dr. Carpenter, who seconded my efforts with his accustomed zeal for investigation. The Doctor has since inquired paiticularly if I had found any trace of vitality in the Deep; and, on my replying in the nega- tive, begged some of the mud in which I had found iinljcdded the last book of the Laureate. This, submitting to Ross's microscope, the Dr. exam- ineil by a magnifying power of one thousand diameters, and afterwards of two thousand, but could see nothing, after repeated trials, except the same uniform leaden surface, without the slightest appearance of organization or life; whereas, in the deepest abysses of ocean, he had met with an extraor- dinary abundance of beings, especially those engaged in making chalk, that is, the globigerina deposit, with a great variety of sponges. — Chalk and sponges; suspicious materials ! however, no mention is made of the smp'.a, or inkfish, a native, as is known, of our coast. I am also in the recei]5t of letters from Dr. Queckett, Dr. Beale, Dr. Schiifer, Dr. Strieker, and the German histologists in general. IMITATIONS. Ver. 7. tlie Obliviotis pool,\ " Th' oblivious pool," said Milton, Paradise Lost, B. i. , v. 266; " th' Asphaltic pool," or the Dead Sea, saitl he, V. 411. Ver. II. Itself a chaos^ Hence a propriety in mentioning this " mass" at the outset, as chaos was the first tiling that rose out of nothing, accord- ing to Hesiod : "Hto( yiiv irpiiTicTTa Xdjs yfyer'. Hesiou, Theog. . v. 116. Am. Ed. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 171 The Paper ; faugh ! here, take this thing away, Read once before, and rank of yesterday. How loved but late, when fresh in virgin bloom ; 15 Mere harlot now which for the next makes room, To quick repentance when seduced the chaste, And with the transient transport mix'd distaste ; NOTES. Ver. 12. the morning use.\ Wliat can the Author mean by this expression ; for are tliere not evening papers also ; and to wliat tise are they to be put ? Ed. Ath. Ver. 14. Read once l>i'fore,\ Tlie common speech, when, not only the day's paper, but the day's book, is brought ; ' I've read it Ijefore.' Ver. 17. To quick repentance when seduced the chaste,\ Desmosthenes went, on purpose, to Corinth, to visit the courtezan Lais, then as fashionable as Emma Crutch is now ; but such was the sum, amounting to about ^1^300.00 of our money, which she required for her favours, that he begged permission to decline them, remarking tliat he would not i)urchase repentance at so high a price : ovk wvnv/xai /xvpiwi/ SpaxfJ-oiv fifTafxf\eiav. NoCT. Att., Lib. L, Cap. viii. Miss Crutch's nom-de-guerre is Cora, a much more romantic sound, and one wliich becomes verse mightily : "Yet Cora thou shalt from Oblivion pass." But that was said of another, on another occasion. Not having ihe pleasttre of Miss Crtttch^s acquaintance, I wonder if she affects the Royal hait, to be in the fashion, or if in reality lame ; which IMITATIONS. Ver. 15. How loved but late, whtn fresh in virgin bloom ;] " Carus eris Romae, donee te deserat aetas." HoR. Epist. Lib. I. 20. , v. 10. Upon wliich line Sanadon remarks, '* Novelty is a kind of youth, which gives to every thing a certain grace and value." Our writers, who have never read Horace, know this practically, and as the colours of last season's farce or poem fade, bring out a new one, fresh and florid from the binder. Some, indeed, whom I could name, conscious of the premature decay of beauty, appear in fresh novel every three months, as in tite or ch'giton. 172 Till', or.MViAD. ]?ook III. Your nu)i'nini;'s imifrm clish'd up cold at night, I'o move once more the sated a|)[)etite ; 20 Or vapid remnant of your pot of ale, With Sunday's shoulder on the sixth day stale. So little suits with articles of ink On shelf to set, like wild-fowl, till they stink. A champagne draught, ere yet the gas escape, 25 Gulp down, just done, the murder and the rape ; The race this morning, with the last night's hall. The trial, and the crime unnatural ; N o r K s . you will not be surprised at my asking vvlien I inform you, tliat some ot the most admired ci>urtezans have been deformed, or troubled with the niosl disguslin^ diseases. Vkk. 22. //'//// Siiii(/iiys shoulder on the sixth day stale. \ There is an obscurity in this jiassajjc : are we to uneleistand I'"iiday or SaUinhiy ? Count iny; from Sunday, the sixth day would fall on SaUnJay; hut Sunday included would reach but l''riday, which is more jirobably the meaning, as Saturday, time immemorial, lias been /.'///• iiiai^^ie in (Jrub Street. I'".i>. Ain. I'll iiuri^ie, which sii;nilics a /.7,y/// Ti'/v'Av, conn-s. 1 suppose, from the same oiii^in in emplincss. Vi'.ii. 24. they sliiik.\ The yame (l.ivour. IMITATIONS. VliK. 1 8. 7ii:th the transient trans/>oit, iSrv.] " t'um plcnus lani^ucl r>nuili)r." lloii. l^pisl. I,ii> I., Ej). XX., V. 8. Vkk. k). J '()//;• iiioiniiiifs niitjfin^ i5'-v.] "()ccidit miseros crambe rcpetila mat^islros." Juv. Sal . vii., v. 154. Vkk. 22. sixth day\ «' Sexta (Jua(]ue die." Id. et ibid., V. 160. Book III. 'iiii'; oiu.iviAi). 173 Tlu: iiii|)li.il tit'.it, aiul how (lie hells wcicr I'linfJ, Who prcach'd at noon, and if th'- cnlpiit hiin<,'-. 30 ]iiit here three colnnins niueli reflection honnd, To teach the siniplt;, and tin; sa^e confound ; Surmises shrewd, and liypoliid ic iiivji. Till the next issue shows the fact a lie, And Corresi)ondent from a nei5.dil)'rin^r court 3$ Sends o(( ficsh rnmoiir for his last report. The [)urpose plain to which such labours tend, Since once mere; fact is stated, there an (.:nd ; But contradict when lies their work have done, Just sells two ])apers, while the truth hut one;. 40 IIi5.;h function, self-imposed, to please the throng, And line from day to day the ;_;ulls alonj.; ; Distort their judgment, a^^ravate their fears, With party rancour .set them hy the ears ; Nor K s . ViCR. 31. till i-c foliiiiiiis\ If I Iii. refer to any of I Iio /('•rtc//;//,' jour- nals, it \v,false^ as carli leader, except in cxcepl ional eases, rarely cxecciis trvo. V.U. A III. Vkr. 34. till- fiirf a lii,\ A lir ; polile ! And iiow, may we ask, can \.\\{if(ut he a lie. ICl). A I II. ViCK. 35. Cdrrtspoiidnil. fniin a. iirii'/i/i^rini^ riiiii /.\ Should we not ratlier read (!oiirt, with a capital ? otherwise, it ini).dil he w/jiinderslood as sij^nifyinj^ that the l'"orei(;n ( !orrespond(Mit sent in his in- fornialion from some court, willi a small r ; aliode o( writers who loiiit relirenicnl. V.\k Aiii. Vkk. 39. //>.i| A(;aiti I Kl). Aril. Vkk. /\/\. .set tliriii liv the i-(ii\ ;\ A pla}Marism ; and not the only one that we have detected this author in : ".Set folks tof^ether by tiie ears." I'rom HuDiltKAS, I'art F., (,'aiilo [,, v. 4. V.\). A III. 174 ' THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Distress the State with epidemic pain, 45 And madden millions that the few may gain. Ye Muses, now, who in great Grub Street high Keep your eternal garrets next the sky, (For Goddesses are ye, and all things know. While we but doubt, e'en to the deeps below,) 50 The leaders tell mc who distinguish'd most, As here I land them, of the scribbling host. For such to name might well all voice defy. The common of the crowd, and worthless fry, N o 'r ]•: s . Vf.R. 48. Keep your eternal garrets next the sky,^ Thus now at lenjjlli it is brought to liglit why authors have hitliorlo, time iiiimcuiorial, sclecteii garrets as tlieir favoured retreat, tlie abode of the Muses tiiemsclvos, nearest the lieavens, where the twin chimney tops, on tiie gable heights, but call to mind the forlted peaks of Parnassus: — "the jihrensy of a dreamer's eye," said Byron, exulting in view of the r/w/tZ-capped hill ilself ; the smoke recalls this epithet. Ver. 50. doubt, e'en to the deef>s Mon',)] Deejis /v/ow ; oblique satire, we suppose. How witty! En. Ath. VkIv. 54. ivortliless fry,\ The fry of certain fish is in such abun- dance, in some countries, that it is thrt)wn ui>un the lantl, to serve as tnanurc. I M I 'r A T I O N S . Ver. 47. Ye Muses iio7v, *5r-v.] "EirTTfT* vvv juoi, MoCffoi, oKvi-tina Soijuar* tx"""''*'* 'tixfis yip idfof ^(TTf, Trdpfarf rt, IfftTf t€ irdyTa, 'Hi.i.fts 5^ K\fos olov kKOvofXfV, ouSf Ti tSjinju' O'lriffi riytfiAi'fs Aavawv kA Koipavoi fiffat" T\\r]t)vi' 5* oiiK h.v tyii} /.ivO-fiffo/xai, ovS' bvoii'i)vu, OiiS' (X not Sena fikf yKwffffat, S^Ka 5* ffrAnar fhv, ^wvi] 5' 6,p{)riKTov ipf<^, yrjd^ t( irpoiracras. ll.IAl). Lib. II., V. 4S4. Book III. TlIK ORLIVIAD. 175 Not, though ten mouths were nunc, with each a tongue, And indefatigable strength of hing, [55 Unless ye aiding ; but at least to view, With books they blotted, let mc lift the few : BcEotians foremost by old Homer past, But mine Bceotians all, both llrst and last. 6o A bulk of books toss'd various on the bank. Play, politicks, and novel, rhyme and blank, See plastic Earth, by some fantastic chance, Assume its latest fashion from Romance ; Affect the fanciful, the fix'd undo, 65 And for each airy fiction slight the true. Yet praise be his who shows how much unfit To trace the epopee which Fielding writ. In whom, harsh censure, could the Critick see A barren rascal, what must Bulwer be? 10 N O T K S . Vkr. 61. A bulk of boohs toss'd various] It has been assigned as one of the causes which gave the Ancients such manifest advantage over us, the Moderns, that they confined themselves to prose or verse, and commonly to one species only of one or the other : proof it is thought of what especially characterized them, great good sense. Quite opposite to which, it is only very lately, that I have seen it set down as a maxim, that a man of abilities can turn his hand to any thing, and excell at it ; leave his Bookstall, it may be, and conimantl a ship. Ver. 70. A barren rascal,\ If Fielding has been treated in this con- temptuous manner by Johnson, he has, on the other hand, been extolled by Warton, among others, including 15eatlie, who speaks of him as the Parent I M I l" A 'r I ( ) N S . Ver. 59. Boeotians foremost, Ss'c.] In the Catalogue of the Ships, Ho- mer begins with the Boeotians, a people stupid, to a proverb : BomxnN i).\v, K.T.K Iliad., Lib. If., v. 494. 1/6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Howe'er contrarious who can all unite, Slang, taunt of Wapping, with the gibe polite, Petronius, Tully, undistinguish'd throng, Cassandra, Seneca, and some Old Song ; The fustian lofty, with the vulgar flat, 75 And all the tedious trifling of chit-chat ; 'Mid scenes where, pass, Mackheath himself appears. Escaped the gallows, Man of Ross in years. And Devereux, Pelham, do their author's best To be improbable, like all the rest. 80 A dandy first, who, when the season past, Writes novels, farces, and an epic last ; In quarter hours, and intervals of dress, Strings rhymes from mere eiuiui and weariness ; NOTES. of tlie Comic Epopea, and in many parts of whom he discovers "at once a brilliant wit and copious erudition." Remarks on the Utility of Classical Learning. — But the censure is excessive, and the praise extravagant. Ver. 71. Hoive'er contray-ioits wlio can all unite ^ This and the verses immediately following relate to Paul Clifford, that novel which established Bulwer as an author, and in which is not a little of him- self. This book is not now any longer printed with his other works, on account, I believe, of the indecency of various passages, and the tendency to immorality in all. It is, however, to be had separately, as a favourite of thieves, robbers, and the vicious in general. Am. Ed. Ver 77. Mackheath himself^ A highwayman, hero of the famous Beg- gai's Opera, by Gay. Am. Ed. Ver. 78. Man of Ross^ Celebrated in Pope, Mr. John Kyrl, who de- voted his life to purposes of utility to the public, and charity to private persons. Am. Ed. Ver. 79, Devereux, Pelham,'] Novels by Bulwer. Am. Ed. Ver. 83. In quarter /lours^] The "courtly Chesterfield" recommend- ing economy of time to his son, tells him of his own method, which was to read and make use of some cheap publication, (if only a sheet of the Athe- Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 1 77 Who fine to finer can distinctly trace, 85 Minute dissecter of the human face ; In mind as matter microscopic see, From less to less, a vast infinity, Till all to nothing the reflection split, He ends in nonsense to display his wit : 90 With counters ready when his cash is done, Who bankrupt else, still affluent of pun ; And learning such as ev'ry scholar shows How much he wants, the rest how much he knows. To lewdness leads, who then, in his defence, 95 Pleads moral motives, and insults our sense ; In turn with wisdom, folly, fain to stop, Affects philosopher, and shines the fop. But comes the poet, 'neath another name To sin 'gainst nature, and be still the same ; lOO While cheated striplings the dull tale rehearse Which wearied them in prose disguised in verse. Like Silius, Naso, in a dreary length Of vain description chief exhausts his strength ; NOTES. naeum, ) when he had retired for privacy, and then "send it dowit^ as an offering to Cloacina." Ver. 86. Minute dissecter of the human face ;\ That charlatan Lavater, as Napoleon called him, was a bungler compared with Bulwer. Ver. 89. Till all to not hi tig the reflection split, \ Run it off to nothing, is a phrase among carpenters, when they would send the tool, in a slant, beyond the extremity of the wood. IMITATIONS. Vkr. 92. affluent of pun ;\ The Goddess of Dulness, informing her Son that the promised land expects his reign, speaks of it as "flowing with clenches and with puns." DUNCIAD, B. i., v. 252. 1/8 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Adds more to much, nor then the subject quits 105 Till simile supplied which nothing fits, A sort of something thrust into the strain, And made much more to puzzle than explain. Alas, great Arthur, doom'd to be undone By ev'ry blockhead, Blackmore, Tennyson, 110 NOTES. Ver. 103. Like Silijts^ Naso,\ Silius Italicus, still more than Ovid, runs into a tedious narrative, but yet such as will bear but little comparison with that Gothic minuteness, entirely unknown to the Romans, as to the Greeks. Am. Ed. Ibid. Silius, N'aso^'] Who can he mean? We have looked out in the Classical Dictionary, and can not find any article under the head of Silius Naso. Perhaps the Author can explain. Ed. Ath. Ver. 109. g7-eat Art/mr,] The key-stone of his arch, Bulvver tells us that he stands or falls with "Arthur." "Here ends," he says, "all that I feel called upon to say respecting a Poem which I now acknowledge as the child of my most cherished hopes, and to which I deliberately confide the task to uphold, and the chance to continue, its father's name. "To this work, conceived first in tlie enthusiasm of youth, I have pa- tiently devoted the best powers of my maturer years; — if it be worthless, (no doubt of it,) it is at least the worthiest contribution that my abilities enable me to offer to the literature of my country; and I am unalterably convinced, that on this foundation I rest the least perishable monument of those thoughts and those labours which have made the life of my life." Preface to King Arthur. It is amazing what vanity there is in all that. Fame, said my Lord, in another place, is but fashion ; so, being fop of the mode, concludes he will always be so. Let me tell Lord Lytton some- thing : there are as many improprieties as lines in the passage just quoted ; yet, that I may soothe a delicate mind, let me add, that Bulwer is no worse a writer than the best of those about him. There is a day of judgment for Authors; and when it comes, (for come it will,) and that writings are com- pared by a classic standard, or that of approved taste, it will then be seen what tlie difference is between fame and fashion : the one continually chang- ing, and contemning her former self; the other boastful of a succession of years, and expecting an endless continuance of them. 11 Book III. THE OBLIVTAD. 1/9 From Dryden snatch'd, to lend thy lofty name, And be the prop of Bulwer and his fame. Whose muse a jade which can not breathe but pant ; Whose ev'ry image is extravagant. Sound roU'd on sound, on colour, colour set, Ii5 The florid false suggests the epithet. A monstrous mixture, Christian, Pagan, found, With Greek and Goth, upon imagin'd ground ; Where Ariosto, Tasso, take the desk, And serious epic is in part burlesque ; I20 Remote and recent more perplex the maze, Nor modish word forgot, nor foreign phrase. You think me partial, but amid a flood Of some three thousand, scarce a stanza good ; NOTES. Ver. no. Blackmore,'] It would be difficult to find a lower in plagia- rism than steal from Blackmore, the title of whose epic is Frime Arthur ; of Bulwer's, King Arthur. Ver. III. From Dryihn snatcKd,^ Dryden, in his Discourse on Satire, "chalked out" the plan of an epic, on the subject of Arthur, which, stolen by Blackmore, has since been degraded by other hands, and finally turned over to romance. So much for what has been done ; as for a part of what has not been done, let me quote from Coleridge : "I will engage to compile twelve books with characters just as distinct and consistent as those in the Iliad, from the metrical ballads and other chronicles of England, about Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table." Table Talk. Ver. 119. Ariosto, Tasso,^ The fantastic and incongruous inventions of the authors of Romance, adopted by the Italians, were by them given a more regular form, and made a new poetic machinery ; especially Ariosto and Tasso, of whom the one represents these fictious with the gravity of the epic muse, as does Spenser, the other only with pleasantry. Am. Ed. Ver. 124. scarce a stanza good ;\ Whence it would appear that Bulwer was a worse poet than Chrerilus, who had six good verses in his poem, for each of which he received a sovereign, but a lash for each of the remainder, with critical justice. Six good verses ; i8o THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. For, chance, long searching, if an instant glad 125 One faultless verse to find, the next is bad ; Or discord rising, or the sense too deep, And readers left to grope among the heap ; Where gleams uncertain but confuse the sight, For owls too much of day, for men of night. 130 Conceived imperfect, and misshapen brought To birth but the abortion of a thought, Earth on her lap the lumpish carcass gains. And felt in vain are all a parent's pains. Write, Lytton, write, from thy exhaustless store, 135 And to ten thousand pages, add ten more ; Vamp your old plays, and by new titles call. Oblivion deep enough to hide them all. What leaden load this lifted from the flood ? Alas ! the laurel all defiled with mud, 140 NOTES. an extraordinary number ; so far from condemning, I am willing to spare a whole poem for the sake of a single line; better conditions tlian those offered to Sodom, which did not hold as many as ten good, to redeem the rest. Fire and brimstone on all such ; and brimstone especially, If by it the itch can be cured. Ver. 131. Conceived impeifect, and misshapen brought To birth but the abortion of a thought^\ Lucina sine concubitu. Ver. 137. Vamp yoitr old plays ^ Bulwer had lately, (for the Muse and he had never been divorced,) rehashed some mouldy rejected garbage of iiis, and, under a new name, dished it up again as the " Cajjtain ; " already the title of a play of Fletcher, another sort of man, whose real tenderness is but ill replaced by affectation. Ver. 139. leaden load, &^c.,~\ This accounts for the leaden surface which was all Dr. Carpenter was able to distinguish, as in a previous Note, on examininfr the mud. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I8l To depths of Erebus for ever gone, With what on earth once works of Tennyson. The iv'ry cover and the gold besprent, With all that daubing and Dore had lent, Ah, what avail ? what shouts of vile and great, 145 The painted picture, and the bought estate ? NOTES. Ver. 141. Erehiis\ A name used to express tlie more gloomy regions of the Lower World ; but applicable in a more particular niaiinei to that part of it which is calie.l Oblivion, as Erebus was the offspring of Chaos and Darkness. ^^ -^m Vk R. 144. IVilh all that daubing and Dorc' had lent,\ Mr. Tennyson, being present, among the crowd, when his book was brought up, insisted tliat it was the weight of Dore, with the cover, which had sunk it ; while Dore retorted the charge, and asserted that his pictures alone were likely to save him from Oblivion, as Ogleby by Hollar, whose admirable engravings to that despicable writer make him still sought for. "Amongst the crowd: "—it appears, therefore, that Tennyson had not yet /^/;/w^^ descended into Oblivion, although his books had ; for so long as a man is on the Civil List, or, "ipiartered on the public purse," which made Bulwer so angry, the State, if not the World, is reminded every quarter day, that he is still above ground. Like Charles the iMfth, writers enjoy their own obsequies : " Viventesque suae viderunt funera famte." Ver. 145. shouts of vile and great,\ Swift said, it is in the mind as in mines, the possessor is not always sensible of a precious vein in it. Thus, Johnson seemed not to have been aware of a fund of humour, which only once or twice, as if by accident, discovered Itself to him; as in that instance when the author is overcome with the praises of his guests, and makes vain efforts, with claret, to stop them. He shoved round the glass, and they the praise, which only redoubled at every bumper. In this way, Tennyson has had his visitor, witli whom he passed a very pleasant evening, between pipes and poetry. " I spoke of the idyll of Gulnivere as being perhaps his finest poem;" "declared I could not read it, through failure of my voice, at certain times;" stopped by the hickup, I suppose. " I can," said he, triumphantly ; " but the first thing he did was to produce a magnum of wonderful sherry." After whiclit poems and praises; until Tennyson brought out a bottle of his Water— [ l82 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. All past like popularity away, And from Oblivion but escaped a day : Eurydice thus raised by Orpheus' strain, Sank down eternal into night again. 150 Yet much his merit who could cheat the throng, And hide the bad 'neath singular in song. Pathetic this, 'tis nature thus endears ; But stole the tale which cheats us of our tears. N O ']' K S . certainly am not mistaken — of his Waterloo, 1815 ; and " after another glass all round " of the a/i/io domini^ Tennyson took uj) the Idylls of the King. "I became very much excited;" however, not quite so far gone that he could not hickup, "'fore heaven a more excellent song than t'other;" " will only die with the language in which it is written ; " a truism, for how could he separate one from the other. "After tliat we had more sherry; in fact, finished Waterloo, and went up to the garret, to smoke." llylas, of Theocritus, in Cireek, and Marvell, at parting, 2, A.M. Keene, the actor, knew nothing of Greek, any more than of Latin, like many of us ; yet would he begin, after midnight, to spout from the classics, a certain proof, among his friends, that he was now drunk. — Nkvv York Citizen. " And wlien that he well dronkin had the wine, Then would he sjieke no word but Latine." — CiiAUCER. Ver. 146. the bought fstate}] It has been made known to us that an American gentleman, lately worshiping at the shrine of the Laureate, was shown by him a piece of land in the Isle of Wight, purchased out of the profits of a single poem : — so much changed are the times since poets wrote only for that estate in perpetuity, inherited after death ; and who hold, like heroes, just that//Vrt' of land wliich they cover with their bodies. IMITATIONS. Ver. 149. Eurydice thus raised, &'C.'\ " Dixit, et ex oculis subito, ceu funuis in axiras Canmiixtus tenues, fugit diversa : netpie ilium Prensantem nequicquam uml)ras, ct multa volentem Dicere, praHerea vidit : nee portitor Orci Amplius objectam passus transire paludem." CiEORO. Lib. iv. , v. 499. . Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 183 The rest mere rubbish ; sound and sense at strife, 155 With tawdry pictures all remote from life ; Heroic numbers in a nursery rhyme, And Milton burlesqued in his bold sublime; A clock dull clickini^, till, with sudden sound, As discord bursting, runs the larum round ; 160 A mingled stream, where mud with water flows, 'Twould puzzle you to say 'twere verse or prose. NOTES. Ver. 154. But stole the tale\ More especially from Miss Mitford, in whose "Our Village" he found the story and best parts of his, — 1 forget what he calls it. Ver. 162. ^ Twould puzzle you to say, U7uere verse or f rose. 1 A matter not without difticulty, and having in it an inherent obscurity. Many of us are in the position of that person who had spoken prose all his life without knowing what prose meant ; while such is the vagueness of verse, that "to circumscribe it within a definition will only show the nar- rowness of the definer." In the present day, it is a common remark, that Byron, and those others of the past, did very well for men who wrote be- fore it was known what poetry was : a discovery reserved for the Mystics, or shall I write mistics, such as Swinburne ; the proof of which, yet, is but of the negative kind, as but showing what poetry is, by presenting us with examples of that which is not. In which uncertainty, wherefore, on the one side and the other, I can do little better than refer the Reader to the Bourgeois Gentilhomme, who thus arrives at the result of his Studies: Monsieur Jourdain. Je ne parle pas de cela, vous dis-je. Je vous demande, ce que je parle avec vous, ce que je vous dis a cette heure, (lu'est-ce que c'est ? Madame Jourdain. Des chansons. Monsieur Jourdain. He ! non, ce n'est pas cela. Ce que nons disons tous deux, le langage que nous parlous a cette heure ? Madame Jourdain. He bien ? Monsieur Jourdain. Comment est-ce que cela s'appelle ? i84 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. False meaning" gives, the word at random takes, Or what the Laureate can not find he makes ; Of expletives a mine unloads his head, l6$ To space the page, and be itself the lead; Collects his stubble, puffs into a blaze. Looks large in smoke, and challenges the praise : Than whom bombastic none more high can go, None, changed his tune, more grovel in the low ; 170 N O T E S . Madam K Juurdain. Cela s'appelle comme on vent rappclei". Monsieur Joukdain. C'est de la prose, ignorante. Madamk Jourdaim. De la prose ? Monsieur Jouki>ain. Oui, de la prose. Tout ce qui est prose n'est point vers ; et tout ce qui n'est point vers est prose. Heu! voili\ ce que c'est que d'cludier. Ibid. " ' Twould pu&zle you to say ''twere verse or prose.'''' Why, that's nonsense ; when any one can tell, simply by the way in which it is printed, whether it is prose or poetry. Ku. Am. Ver. 164. lie makes ;\ The Reader will understand that when, here and elsewhere, I speak in the present tense, and not in the histi)rical, it is entirely by a poetic licence, to give an appearance of animation, and bring the object before the view ; for all such have been long of the/(MV. Ver. 165. Of expletives a mi fie ti ft loads /its /teotl.] We have returned to the times spoken of by Dubos, when the expletive lines of a poem were considered as the fitting conjunctives between the rest ; whence it was that they came to be known as ties I'ers de passage, as the Abbi^ de Marolles informs us. Vkr. 166. To space the page, and be itself tlie lead ;\ At the risk of being impertinent, as explaining a thing known to everyone, in the present day, when every one is an author, from ihe highest to the lowest, not only are the words, Imi tlic lines, separated, when in t}pe, by means of pieces of lead ; especially in poems, and such writings, when ilie volume is eked out mechanically. Am. \'.U. Book III. TIIK OHMVIAD. l85 Colloquial careless in the pai^e be full, Or, see him sweat, elaborately tluU. The polish'd surface, seeniiny^ to the sij^ht, Scarce Day and Martin's blacking is so bright ; Yet, sought below, 'mid nothings of his mind, 175 Not Delian diver coukl the meaning find. liut, sounds the trumpet ; sec the troops advance, Uplifted sabre, and protended lance ; N o r K s . Vl".R. 175. iiothiiii^s of his mliiii,\ " Another fault is not peculiar to In Meinoriain ; it runs llnoui;!! all Mr. Tennyson's ]ioetry ; we allude to his obscurity. Take a ^iiccinicn; 'Oil, if iiulecil that eye foresee, Or see (in llim is no before) In morn of life true love no more, And love the iiuiiircrcncc to be ; So miy;ht 1 (ind, ere yet the nu)rn Breaks liilhcr over Indian si'as, Tliat Shadow waiting with the keys To cloak me from my proper scorn.' This passage Mr. Moxon has set in his window, oifcring a reward of ^200 to any one who can pick a meaning out of it." London Timks. Ver. 177. Bit/, sounds the trumpet, &^c.\ Through a mistake of orders, the I/ight Brigade of the British at Balaklava, charged the Russian army, as it stood in position, aiul were cut down, almost to a man ; of which the Correspondent saying that "somcliody blundered," this liignilicd expression I M I -r A T I O N S. Vi'.R. 169. Than ivhain />oin/>astic, &'c.'\ So much rcsond)Ian(c is there l)et\vccn the ancient Homer and the modern one: " Ilunc nemo in magnis rebus sublnnitale, in parvis priiprictate superaverit." (^uiNT. Lib. X., cap. L \'kk. 176. J)e!i(in iliver\ The expression of Socrates, AtjAiou 7* ti/z^s StiTai KoKvfifir)Tov. Dioc. Lai;ki'. Lib. ii., Siiciat. i86 Till': OKMVIAI). Book III. A Spartan few, cinbaltlcd liosts defy, Ami win ctrriial honours when they die. l8o N t)r KS. Tennyson transfened to tlie doggerel, desj^icaljlc, ode he wrote on that oc- casion : a i\vci\ more sublime llian any wliicli ever raised I'indar to the skies, could not lift tliis lumpish swan oX Hritain above the lliglit of a goose, I moan a lauje one, crammed and heavy for tlic spit. " l'\)rvvard tlic l-i^ht l>rij;aile! Was there a man (hsmay'd ? Not though the soldiers knew Some one had lilimdcr'd." Tennyson goes on improving, viros(|uc aii[uiril ; thai fauK)Us passage of his youth is not near so bad, in my lunnble opinion : " () darling room, my heart's tieliglit. There is no room so excpiisile, No link' ri)om so warm ami bright, WJK'ri'iii to read, wherciu to write." Exquis//(' / An ounce of cotton spun, by machine, into a thread of some fifty miles, naturally raises our admiration; yet is this but as rojie-yaru comimred with the tinsel of Tennyson, who has drawn a thread of twice as many leagues, out of three grains scant of understanding. It was nothing but envy on the part of Ihdwer, who grudged Tennyson the pension awarded liim for this extraonlinary ingenuity. Punch declared that Bulwer was a dog, and Tennyson another, but much the bigger of the two ; while Judy, on her side, iliil not hold her tongue; as in the following: " You've seen a lordly mastilFs port, Bearing in calm, contemptuous sort, The snarls of some o'erpetted pup. Who grudges him his 'bit and sup.'" Punch. " And what with spites, and what with fears, You cannot let a body be ; It's always ringing in your ears — They call this man as great as me!" Judy. To explain the above, "a bit" is one lunulred jiounds a year, anil "a sup" another; to wash it down. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 18/ Heroic deed at which all lunopc wonder'd ; As Tennyson did too, for " some one blunder'd," NOTES. The invention of Ovid has been praised, as a poet who made a fine poem out of an old ahnanack. Tennyson also has essayed the calendar, at once the rival of Ovid and of Whachum, of whom it has been written, •' Beside all this, lie served his master In quality of poetaster ; And rhymes appropriate could make To every monlli i' th' almanac ; When terms begin and end could tell, With their returns, in doggerel." IltlOIURAS. 1865-1S66. *' I stood on a tower in the wet. And New Year and Old Year met. And winds were roaring and blowing ; And I said, ' O years, that meet in tears, Have ye aught that is worth the knowing: Science enough and exploring, Wanderers coming and going. Matter enough for deploring. But aught that is worth the knowing? Seas at my feet were flowing, Waves on tiie shingle |)c>urlng, Old Year roarini; and Ijlowing, And New Year blowing and roaring." ALI'KED Tknnyson. This from Good Words, to which the Morning Star responds : 1867-1868. I sat in a 'bus in tlie wet, Good Words I had happen'd to get. With Tennyson's last bestowing : And I said, "Oh, bard! who work so hard, Have you aught that is worth the knowing ; Verses enough, and so boring — Twaddle quite overflowing, Rubbish enough for deploring; liut aught that ii woilli the knowing? l88 THE ORI.IVIAD. Hook 111. In doc:^i^'rcl rhymes who clearly l>i-oui;lit to light, If well the I^iilish war, how ill they write. Next parasitic from the Formless won 185 Buchanan, Scotch-like stuck to Tennyson ; N O T IC S . Placnrds on walls wore [^I'nvinpj, riilTs in the pniiera pouriny;. Good Words roarinji; and hlowinj;, Once ii ll'rfk Ulowing ixnd roariny;. " Of Teiniyson I have already spoken ; besides, these verses arc sulVieiently al)le to speak for thcniselves; hut of the parodist I will simply repeal what Hoileau said to Louis the KourteeiUli, on his Majesty's asUinjj hini his opinion of some verses his Majesty had written : " Rien n'est impossible k Voire Majest6 ; EUc .a voulu faire de mauvais vers, el EUe y a reussi." Vkr. 1S6. lhicluxiiaii,\ In a note (o the New Tinion it is stated that 'Peniiyson is " without wife or ehildren," (of the body,) and thai he is " of a weallliy family j" vvhieh made the report creilible, that he had adopted 1 M I I' A f 1 O N S . Vkr. 1S4. IfioclltJie British -nxir, //070 ill they 7t>rite.] No new complaint. In a ilrania little known, Iiaving given pl.acc to an in- ferior one by the same author, a farce in live acts loo severely called, occurs the following : " A/iss Richland. I own it has often surprised me, that while we liave so many instances of bravery abroad, we have had so few of wit at home to praise it. — I'm (piite displeased when I sec a line subject spoiled by a dull writer." GooD-NATinu'-.n Man. " V^ixere foites ante ALjaincnuiona Multi : sed oiunes illacvyinabiles Urjfcnlur, i^noliipie iouLja Node, carent ijuia vate sacro. Paulum sepultix; distal inerli;x; Cclata virtus." llou. Car. I,ib. IV., (XI. ix.,v. 25. Vkr. 185. From the Formless woii\ " Won from the void and formless inllnile. " I'auadisk Losr, Hook iii., v. 12. J^)()k III. 'I III', oi'.I.IVIAI). 1S9 Wlio if less skilful in llu; f,ils<: suMiiiic, Some share (>f use may make as l)af our iniijMii-, ainl licii lo iIjc I;uiic1, lli.il so tmicli niKiicy, ami sk imuli niiowii, iilirlit \v\\ j;i) a l":;^;^!!!^^. All vvliicii is now clian(^c(l ; for "Mr. l,ioiu;l 'i'caiMysoii, yonii};ci- '.on ol llu: I'orl I rcatc, niul Miss ICIiiior r>ockcr, dauf^'lilcr of lMc:i|(jri( U l,o(kionel, after all ; lier temple llirown o|iiii ; mikI tlie lieirs ])resmn|)livc, as well as ai>|i:ii(iil , ul i wo f^real authors, re^i'iind llierein, till r. ( 'uinuiiii); lias sIkjwu, is iiiMi ;il liiiiid, and vvln( Ij i . < ri lain hi revoke so many jKilcn's, and lo consi^^n to Oblivion ;,o many names. Vl'.K. \^)\. A sort of ' ' 'iti/iil,T.zli'-w/liizz/r " of I he liraif \ A word, Mr. Iluiliauan informs us, inlindrd lo convey, lo .Sioleli luj;., by an Oiioiintto/nciu, tlie soinid ol a loom. Vi:k. 196. '■'■a lucig/it of prrf ;^^\ " No wondrous peep Into the faery lands of Oberon, it. bowers, its f^lowworni li(;liled colonnades, Wliere pijMny lovers wander two by two, Coidd weii'ji upon the city wanderer's heart With peace so pure as thi:,!" Tlial is, Ijein^ interjircted, No fxr/) could wi-ii;// upon the lieart with ficare so pure; which is as fmc a jiieec of what Mr. liuchanan, elsewhere, calls "whiskey poetry" as could well be invented. How it soninlx I 'I'helrulli is, the Scotchman had been eyeiujj 'I'ennyson's "watery Hinile and educated wlii^Kci," and was uillin;^ to ado]. I the (.cliion. 190 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. High " whiskey " fustian, till, in sober prose, " Runs in poor Donald with a dripping nose : " Affecting image, when is no relief To sniv'ling cub of pockethandkerchief. 200 Of all which hodgepodge sick, and of much more, I'll leave him where his lines had left before : The felon thus, ere hang'd, to that sojourn Whence taken first, must first perforce return. A youth trick'd off in new Dundreary tie, 205 And latest fashion of absurdity, NOTES. Ver. 199. 710 relief To snivUiiig cub of pocketJuxndkerchief.^ Wliy, then, not do as we, in our speech? for is it not a trite sayinjj, tliat fingers were made before pockethandkercliiefs. Ed. Ath. Ibid. That hardy nation to which Donald belonged has been long cele- brated for contemjit of certain efieminate conveniences deemed necessary by their neighbours of the South. The reader, doubtless, remembers, "the barbarians north of Tweed Who scout these fabrics of tlie southern sages." Vkr. 203. The felon thus, ere ha!ig\l, to that sojourn IVhence taketi first ^ must first perforce return.^ The Judge, in i:)assing sentence of death, solemnly, and particularly, tells the criminal, that he will first be taken to that place whence he was brought, and thence to the ]ilace of execution, there to be hung by the neck, until he is dead ! dead ! ! dead ! ! ! Am. Ed. Ibid. to that sojourn Whence taken, &'c.'\ O, for the matter of that, it is not to no purpose that we " sojourned," or wrote our experience of the jail, and the gibbet, where, although unhung, we know the ways of it, and, critically, have assisted at as many executions as Calcraft himself, as tliis author him- self was forced to confess, in a previous page, which see. Ed. Ath. Ver. 207. Swinburne\ Author of some sad things styled Tragedies, with Poems and Ballads, anil a piece entitled Atalanta in Calyilon, whicii, as no one understood, so a'l united in praising: "The language was so fine." Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I9I Who Swinburne once, here Hfted from the dead, His heels on high, and down the weight of head ; NOTES. Ver. 208. down the zveight of head i^ Since universally admitted, from the time that Boileau gave evidence of the matter, that Man is the ijlunder of creation, le plus sot animal, there only remains to determine that special organ of the body in which tlie difficulty lies, that, by amputation, cautery, castration, or otherwise, he may get rid of the offending part, whether in the periphery, centre, or extremities. Unfortunately, should my view be accepted, the inquiry is not likely to give tlie advantage desired, as the creature cannot well cast from him, like a hollow tooth, this particular member, such as it is, being no other tiian his Iiead ; which part, in man, is bigger, in proportion to the rest of him, than in any other created thing. To this, as a consequence, are due all those errors, crimes, purposes, perversity, and dulness, which make up the history of that creature classed as human, as he that came originally from the clod, and still has a part of it sticking to him: so that even in the feather-brained Swinburne we discern the heaviness of tliis upper part ; down the weight of head; in so great a degree is it constructed out of all architectural propor- tions. If any other animal falls into the water, (of which three-fourths of the habitable world are com])OHed,) it can make a shift to get out, be it an ass or a pig, which creature finally, in the act of swimming, cuts his own throat, as man does too, though not with a view of saving his life, but, fool- isiily, of destroying it ; a goose finds no difficulty whatever ; but this other quickly sinks to the bottom, carried down, as but natural, by the heavy part. All other animals can sleep, without being at all incommoded by the head ; which in man nods from side to side, in a ridiculous manner, and gives him no quiet asleep or awake: as a hulk ill-stowed, so also this badly freiglited liold of the calvaria, lets its cargo toss adrift, and, top heavy, rolls now to starboard, and now to port ; or pitches, head foremost, or hindmost, as it may be. The fool himself seems to be sensiljle of the injury done him by this mis- governing ])art ; as he is often seen, in case of some great blunder, or crime committed, to give himself a slap on the front of his head, or even knock the whole of it against the wall, out of an impulse of revenge. A dog knows what he is about : he is guided by the nose, and follows it ; yet, though you shall meet men as easily led by the nose as asses are, can they not of their own accord, follow a direct course, but must deviate to the right or to the left, until quite off the scent, the forehead, or misguiding part, preponderating so much over the sense : thougli, perhaps, in this in- 102 Till-: OIU.IVIAI). liook III. IC'cii as S(Miu; dot; (Voin 'riiaiiu's is lalccn out ]\y cit, who fancies on his hook a trout. 2IO John Hull (lc'liL;lilc(l once this youth carcss'd, The minor of tlu; mode in whicli he ih'ess'd, Sonic seasons past who Iiad resi^n'd his claim 'J'o sense, ;\nd old hereditary fame ; Began jackpuddini; in a serious whim, 21$ And pnrss'd his bulk into a dancin;.;' trim ; N o 'r I'', s . stance, it is the snout itself vvliicli is to l)lanie, as in man it is Imrilly ever set straij;lit hcforc liini, 1ml still lias an awkward Icanin^j to this side or that ; a want of syiium-try |)eculiar to the creature we arc speaking of A s|)idc"r uudci stands liow to weave, Ihoui^h liisca|nil is not (juaiter the si/.eof a |>ea ; lull yon must have seen a two li';;i;t'd tiillcr sit In work that delicate em- broidery of verse, without tin- least naluial ability, his head, though it be but of hair, being as big as a bush. We have it on the authority of Swift, that a bear will not atteiu])! to lly ; a creature in some respects rescndiliug the lunnan, iu-as-uuich as he moves, i)adly, on two legs, and is rough of nature; but whose cranium appears mucii less out of prii|Hii I mu, il seen vviliu)Ut a muzzle : but not so man, kept down by a weiglil ol Unubi r in his scull, as b)' a log, who will allrin|>t the lli|dils of fancy, and absurdi)' ihink himself high in tin- clouds, inilil, like thai philosopher too intent to pry into the secret of the heavens, lie tund)les into the dileli : uIkmc now it is as well to leave him; in particular, if it be that last ditili of all, ()l)Iivion. \ lAi. 2 I J,. riS}^n\l /lis (/iiii)t Montes(|uieu said, " 'I'here are no men of true sense born any where but in Mngland." Anecdotes, by Kiev. JosKiMl Sl'KNClC y\iM. I'.D. Vicu. 215. /''(■••,'■<;// jiuhpiiildiiii^ ill a Si'iioiis 7i'//////,| The mode of satire here used, which is rejieated in the instance of Brown- ing, Sala, and C^ailyle, someone or two of those we speak of as the " trade," have expresseil a suspicion of, that they doubt some of the common of readers will not understand it ; recommending to subjoin some explanation among the Notes ; as, imlei'd, Topi- eondeseemled to, in his (lames. lint as wit explained has but a feeble cilec t, 1 must simply refer to the wiilings of Swift, where, in the Voyage to l.illiiiut, Walpole is ridiculed as daily dancing on a tiidit rope, and otherwise displasing his agility; images not ]iook 111. THE Olil.lVlAI). 193 Despised the sirloin which before he eat, And found the indigestible a treat ; On unintelligibles much refined, Supp'd full of froth, and on chimeras dined ; 220 Sore 'gainst his stomach, took he knew not what, And badly hid the nausea which he got. But Swinburne enter'd, soon from college flies, Scarce half made up in the humanities ; Strange voices sending from a raven throat, 225 And vain excessive in a mag[)ie coat ; Nor Greek nor English in the piebald fold, Which but a patchwork of the new and old, N o '!• K s . less remote than those our Author fancies, and yet such as have never been ol)jecl.cd to. Am. Kd. Vku. 220. on cliimcras diiifd ;\ Mr. Bull having ceascnl to he of a niinil witli that Pliihjsopher who refused to tliiie on chimeras, thouj^h cooked by Aristotle himself. Ver. 224. the humanities ;\ In Colleges, as all students are aware, Studies are divided into IJivine and Human; im[)erfect in one of which, and contemning the other, a youth, it is obvious, has still much need of in- struction; for, even of one who unites them it may only be said, in the language of Uryden, " Of hero's make, half human, half divine." Ibid. This word himiiuii/y, as well in the Latin Language, as in ours, has a double signification, both that in the text, and the vulgar one of be- nevolence ; as explained by Gellius, who, after Varro, uses hinnanitaliin in the same sense with the (ireck TraiSflac, or erudition. This Note intended to obviate an ignorant cavil of tlie Athemeuni. I M I 1' A r I O N S . VliR. 225. Strange iioices^ &'c.\ The Author, ])r()l).ibly, had in mind the following : "Corvos poelas, et poetrias picas." Pers. I'rol. ad Sat. i., v. 13. 9 194 THE OBLiviAD. Book III. A youth too early to the tutor led, Who much more than he understands has read ; 230 Of life knows nothing, and essays to climb Where each the tumid seems to him sublime ; Stares, stamps, and shouts, ridiculous of rage. And on a pair of stilts bestrides the stage. There to the narrow bounds his legs confin'd : 235 Another step had left the house behind. Ten syllables cut off from schoolboy prose, From line to line the straggling period grows; A wildgoose flight, you wonder where it tends. Or why it e'er began, or why it ends. 240 NOTES. Ver. 228. Which but a patchwork of the new and old.'] Apx(iioixe\rj(rtSwvoppvuixvp<''''''(t- As Mr. Swinburne has shown himself so great a proficient in the Greek, perhaps he will favour me, through the Athenceum, with a literal transla- tion of the word here quoted. Ver. 230. much more than he tinderstands has read ; Of life linmas nothing,^ Bacon said, of Studies, " they teach not their own use ; but that is a wisdom without them and above them, won by observation." Am. Ed. Ver. 232. the tumid seems to him sublime ;'\ Quere humid, although tumid is equally appHcable, if we suppose that a bubble is meant, which is at once humid and tumid. Ed. Atii. Ingenious, and what gives additional support to the hypothesis that sub- lime comes from limus, or what is moist ; for so in Horace, Udam spernit humum fugiente penna, when the fancy, like a newly winged grub, rises out of the mad ; in opposition to which, however, very plausible conjectures may be offered in favour of limen, when sub is put for super, and the word means the upper threshold, whence the expression, that from the sublime to the ridiculous is but a. step; in attempting which you may chance to stum- ble, which is the sublime inverted : of which two opinions the Author more inclines to the former, as he found but mud at the bottom, and still sticking to the writers when drawn up, as in the instance of Tennyson, " all defiled," &c. See the Works of Dr. Parr, Vol. 7, p. 64. Ver. 235. narroiv bounds\ Quere, narrow boards. Ed. Ath. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I95 As yEschylus of old was wont to cheer His soul with wine, so saddens he with beer ; Confusion to confound, make dark the dim, Buchanan and the rest but fools to him. NOTES. Ver. 241. As yEschylus of old was wont to cheer His soul with wine, so saddens he with beer ;] And as, in like manner, ^schylus first brought in the thick-soled cothur- nus, so Swinburne th^ stilts, (as above,) that is, made them higher than ever before. Ver. 243. Confusion to confound, niake dark the dim,"] There was a time when authors ventured forth only at night, by whose "mantle" to hide the deficiencies of their wardrobe; now, they but court darkness to hide the nakedness of thought. "The refluent morn." For his light runs back into darkness. Whence, having inverted nature, we read, " Kindles the trembling night." And, again : "Or where the moon's face warm and passionate burns." Painting Diana like a midnight Bacchanal, or drunken prostitute, ut infra. As also, " Might of dews." He had heard of Might of snow and hail, x^^vos ixivos ijSe x°'^°'(vs ' ^ pow- erful expression, as known to those who had been exposed to the " ice- IMITATIONS. Ver. 236. Another step had left the house behind.\ "Offffov 5' ^epoeiSes a.v))p ISev (xpdaXfxdlaiv, ' Hfievos 4v aKOTTiij, Kevaffwv eir\ oXvoira ir6vT0v' Toffffoy eiridpaxTKovcri ^eeiv v\f/r)Xfes 'Inirot. " Quis igitur non ob excellentiam Inijus Sublimitatis jure dixerit, si bis eodem modo ad saltandum se concitent Deorum equi, eos non amplius in- venturos in mundo locum ? " Long, de Sub., Sect. ix. , Pearce. Did the Reader remark, u;frjxe'ey> hig'i sounding, for liigh stepping? whence, e converso, high stepping for high sounding, to express the lofty of speech. 196 , THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. In these by chance some lambent Hghts reveal 245 The mass of smoke through which at times they steal, N o T E_S . storms" of Thrace and other regions, not far from those inhabited by the Greek poets. Meuos has the double signification of anger and strength. " Triumphant nightingales In many a fold of fiery foliage hidden, — clamorous with immeasurable delight." In addition to which " arms enclose The immeasurable rose. " When the boundless is compassed ; a feat which will not soon be surpassed. The following will serve, not only for Swinburne, but for Aytoun, and the Athenteum man, that obscure person who wrote it ; "The seraphic being of Aytoun's octosyllabic is almost as false and de- testable as the giggling, crawling, alliterative monster of Mr. Swinburne's blank verse." Those who desire to see how, from age to age, Nonsense repeats herself, may compare what prevails at present, with what was fashionable in the days of Persius, who gives us the following, as a sample : " Torva Mimalloneis implerunt cornua bombis ; Et raptum vitulo caput ablatura superbo Ba>;saris ; et lyncem Mtenas flexura corymbis, Evion ingeminat : reparabilis adsonat echo." Sat. i., V. 99. A rhapsody as unmeaning as any in Buchanan or Swinburne, of which Per- sius asks, as we may ask, in our case, " Hsec fierent, si testiculi vena ulla paterni Viveret in nobis? " Ibid., v. 103. Puerility which could not find place, if any share of vigour had remained to us of our manly ancestors. " In istis versibus mollis est rhythmus et affectatus, ceterum quam tenuis sensus, et verborum tumori quam minimum respondet! " Ex Not is in usum Delphini. The Athenaeum, once so severe on Swinburne, has found reason to change his tone, though Swinburne has not changed his, and now discovers Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I97 The total night of Swinburne blots the noon, As in a huge eclipse of sun and moon ; Nor chink nor crevice gaping in his head E'en shows the dust, or where the cobweb spread. 250 Of dialogue a rant to split the ears. Each wonders what the rrieaning while he hears. Once, true, by night escaping from the stews, Seen nude in Grub Street, with a harlot muse, NOTES. in his writings, and life, that he has the marks of true genius, and evea shows symptoms of the SkallviingL As the Reader, doubtless, desires to know what this skall-^ or skull- viingl, signifies, I will here transcribe from Olaus Wormius a passage which explains it, translated from his work, Literatura Danica. " This happy genius for poetry discovers itself even in infancy, by such manifest indications, that it cannot be mistaken, and is observed to be most ardent about the change of the moon. When a poet of this high order and fervid spirit is speaking of his art, or pouring out his verses, he hath the appearance of one that is tnad or drunk. Nay, the very external marks of this poetic fury are in some so strong and obvious, that a stranger will dis- cover them at sight to be great poets, h-^ c&xizXxi singular looks 2x\di gestures^ which are called in our language Skallviingl, i. e. the poetical vertigo." The truth to nature of which description no one needs proof of who has seen Xh&face or witnessed the gestures of our poet, with that appearance of mad or drunk, which no art can counterfeit. Ver. 254. Seen nude in Grub Street, with a harlot muse,] Swinburne wrote an address to the Venus Libertina, so naked of all deco- rum that, with one voice, the Press, forced by public indignation, called out against him, and exposed his lewdness and obscenity, until Moxon, the Publisher, was forced to cancel the entire edition. IMITATIONS. Ver. 248. As in a huge eclipse of sun aiid moon ;] We are ;«(7;'a//j' certain that we have heard that line before, but cannot say exactly where, not having at hand our general index. However, we liave detected a manifest plagiarism. Ed. Atii. Mr. Editor sometimes gets a free ticket to the Pit^ where perhaps he heard it. i(;S iiii': ()iti,i\ i.\i). Hook III. I irlu-; the I'.od';, he iiKcis the i)H)|,mc, 255 And m.ikc'. .it Ic.isl im|iict)- (inilc plain, While hoots .mil hisses .it culi woid iiuTcaso, And .ill the crilieUs call, pohee. polue. Htit |)l.u'e, )'e Siottish ; pl.ue, \c l'"n;;Iisli wits ; lleit" niowninj;, dred:;ed lioiu l.ii pi oloiinder pits ; 260 N or KS. 1 liuil ll\i- l\illowinj; instnu-livo, or, in llu- tm>ili-m iiliiiiso, siti;i;i's/ivif, I'oiiiiiilx ill .Mlilxiiic's rritiral I >i('liiifsMHi l>y Mi. Momui.) .nKl Im .^\s.5-i> ^'''*'''" Tlu' wontlrr rrusrs why Kcvirws iiii- wiiiuii wiili m> imu'li scvfiily, il llu- value of .//////f-.o rim tints 1)1' ciiliiUH'oil liUo tluit ol iiiJiVfiii\\ {[\w liUlor of wliiili, iiult'oti, is iisituiiv i\ri-oimiiiiiioil l)y llu; fonnpr), wiicii tin- liooU lliut woiiM sciuit' sell ut live sliilliiif^s, on Ihiiij^ //('/rv/i' iiiij;s as many Huiiieiis in the niiukel ; one-liulf «l least ol wliiili, il is Itiit jiisl to Mipjiose, hliolilil lie litmileil over to the Keviewei, Mv own opinion im luu", lo iliis eoni<'eHne; lor, ollierwise, il wouM Iietlilluull totu\onnl lor llu- innnber ol.-.ininii JiooK-. ih.u in iliis wiiy i\re eoiilimiully heinj; l>roU);lil into noiiee: l>iiineNs is lit u pieiiiiiiin. Wticiu-e, whenever in this I'oeni. I lie Ueailer oiieounfers any passajic iiioie ili.in usually tedious, let liin\ i>e assured, as the SrKei'Ai'ou said of his own Wiitmns, " there is a w.'//fr in ii." Vkr. J55, uttfrs tfii- />ri>f\mf,\ Tliis ecnsuie eaiiuot l>e allowed 10 |iusH without qurtlilieutivm ; for, says Krascr, *' ihc volume, as a wlivile, is neither iirolane nor indeeenl ; " so that, tlironjdi an inei|iialilv of style, it is iMilv in I'.uls thai he is so ilisliu;,Mnsi\i\l. V KK. JsS. nil thf crilkks mtly /^'licc, /^>/hY. \ That ninht, liaviiij; Inislness in the elassie i|uarler, we were one o( tlie Inst who ealled poliee ! lie waseaiiicvl oil, and put in llie \okI up. In. Am, \'li;. .M>o. />'*•»•«'«/«<,•. I An old hand. I'alher ol i\inili de.id and l.mienl ■ able " ria};edy," " Men auvl Woineu," " Pr.iuiatie l-yries," and " Pi. una- 1 M I I" A »' I O N S . Vkr. J59. />w/ //.i.v, vf S,\>/ttiA : //>»•<; w /•.'«^'7/.f4 xcits;] "Calilc, Uomaiii seriptorcs ; eeditc, (Jraii." ruonoKi'. I il>. II , I'.lei;. xwiv., v. 65. Hook 111. nil'. oiu.iviAi). 199 'riic l).ii(l tli;it nursed, and t;ui<.;lit hctiincs lo rave liy Sibyl liaj^, in sonic Cininicriaii cave, Or in vast Maninioth to obscure his mind, Where bats are bij^^irst, and the fish arc blind ; Intolerant of day, and lorccd to wait 265 Till clouds call lorth to hoot articulate- : A sort o{ /i/sus, soon by Jianiuui cauidit, Gazed at by crowds, and to the city broujdit, There strange to jabber, in strange ^arnu^jt drcst, Of whom one half is cunning, fool the rest ; 270 Some doubt in«; much a cheat, while more debate ( )r (ind how nonsense in the sold innate. \Uii vagrant next, behold him shand)ling go, At once himsell the siiowm.m and the show, tic K()iii;in(X's : " ii luiililli; of olisc iiiily, (ossi-d iiiti) :i volume ciilitlcd, lo iiiiikc ;ill ol a picd;, " licils unci l'()iiic{;niimtes." ViCK. 262. Sihyl lut}i, ill soiiit: Cimmerian rtwf,] Wc lliouylit we should luinj^ this lyrcj to soint^lhiiiy;, or lallicr (hal h<- would biiii(i himself; Cimmerian cave; he had heard, no doulil, of the Cumx'an cave, or the Sibyl's caveat (.'um;e ; a fair specimen of this Satirist's a(i|uire- menls. I'i>- Am. Vkk. 264. ///e fish are blind ;\ In the vast cave of Kentucky, called usually the Mammoth Cave, is a blind fish, the amhylopsis, where also many hiind insects are found. Vkk. 267. A sort of Itmus^ &'c.\ A (Gentleman in the relinue of the Prince of Wales has informed me, that when his Koyal iliglmess visited li.uninu's Museum, a strau},'e creature was shown him, three jjarts cheat, and OIK- part idiot, making the «/^'-/,'V/- complete ; a nondescript, called the Wlial-ls-lt. Vl';i<. 272. find /unti nonu'nu- in the soul innalf. \ At that time, in the last centuiy, when the discussion on innate ideas was at the height, a creature, afterwards named I'l-lcr, in sJiapi- hiuiKni, was found in the wilils of < Jcimany, wiiom M)nie sup|M)sed a fool, niorca cheat, and not 200 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Street preacher of Parnassus, roll on high 275 His bhnking orbs, and rant tautology, While gaping multitudes around the monk Much wonder if inspired, or simply drunk. At length, by cast of some superior luck, Moping 'mid lunar light, he finds a Book, 280 'Tween line and hemistic which greatly grows, And now of verse is fustian, now of prose. Straight thumb'd by all, the students of that sort Who read romances and Police Report, Who deep in scandal, but whose joy, by far, 285 When criin. con. case bares each particular. Alluring tale, much matrimonial strife, Old, harsh, the husband, young and fair the wife ; A priest gallant, whom Caponsacchi call, Who flings her comfits at the carnival. 290 Which seen, old Guido, jealous, spreads a snare, By forged epistles to entrap the pair. Stale trick, the lover sees what thus design'd. Steals off the bait, and leaves the noose behind. But, first, Pompilia, " with that sad strange smile," 295 Twists thus the metaphysic of her guile : NOTES. a few the homo sapiens /enis, so much sought, in whom they expected to discover spontaneous knowledge. In those days lived Jonathan Swift, who, in his " London strewed with Rarities," describes this interesting Child of Nature, in whom he sees ful- lilled that well-known prophecy of Lilly : " Then shall an oak be brought to l)ed Of creature neither taught nor fed." "His being so young," adds Swift, "was the occasion of the great disappointment of the ladies, who came to tlie Drawing-room in full expec- tation of some attemjit upon their chastity ; so far is true, that he endea- voured to kiss the young lady Walpole, wlio for that reason is become the envy of the circle ; this being a declaration of nature in favour of her supe- Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 20I Since, then, my husband hates me, I shall use, — Let have effect enough to balk his view?; And of the other's love but so much take As stop a murd'rer, " for his own soul's sake ; " 300 Whence plain to all a wife without reproach, Though midnight meet me in the hackney coach. She comes, ah, see, in hymeneal white, Than moon more chaste, and than the stars more bright ; How am'rous youths uj)on the fancy draw ! 305 All black, " 't was her soul's whiteness which I saw." " Then in a tick of time," postilions fly, ** Sprung, was beside her, she alone and I." What next, I pray you, to this am'rous haste? Ungen'rous doubt, is not Pompilia chaste ; 310 NOTES. rior beauty. On his first appearance he seized on the lord-chamlierlain's staff; " which, with other particulars of this serious narration, made Lord Monboddo aver, that the discovery of Peter was a more extrai^rdinary plie- nomenon than the discovery of thirty thousand fixed stars more than we are already acquainted with. There is an additional touch of satire in the above by Swift, which re- quires to be pointed out ; the young lady Walpole was a sort of fool, and therefore the more likely to gain the notice of this other natural. For some account of Dolly Walpole, see Lady Wortley's Letters. Am. Ed. Ver. 280. he finds a book,'\ " Romana Homicidiorum — nay, Better translate — A Roman murder-case : — Wherein it is disputed if, and when, Husbands may kill adulterous wives, yet scape The customary forfeit." Ibid. Dixon sees in all this but a reflex of his own book ; Capon Sacchi but a courtly spiritual Cupid, and Pompilia his "spiritual Bride." But why Ca/>on ? Vid. Ath. IMITATIONS. Ver. 308. *^ she alone and iy\ " Solus cum sola." 202 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. No sly approaches, heaving of the breast, Nor e'en her hftfld, by jolt of coach, is press'd ; In frigid of romance they but adore, And then to metaphysic as before. A mystery of meaning where none is, 315 Set off with dash ( — ) and with parenthesis; NOTES. Ver. 312. ^V«] by syncope for even ; some indelicate allusion, no doubt : we understand. Ed. Ath. Ibid. ja/( of coach, ^ Those who wish to hear a discourse on the embariassnients of a situation of tliis kind, may turn to the Joseph Andrews of Fielding, the particular chapter and page of which I must leave tlieni to find for themselves, as just now I liave not the book at hand, to refresh my memory, and never, like the other readers of novels, have read it a second time. Ver. 314. 7nctaphysic as before.'\ Those Italian people must have much colder constitutions than tliose on the opposite leg of tlie European goose ; — to speak (in the manner of Strabo, who compared Greece to a man) of that whereof Russia is the head, and England the tail, France and Austria the wings, and Germany, being bulky, the body, while, as s'gni- fied, the peninsulas of Spain and Italy are the legs; — for a Spanish lady, reading a romance, in which the lovers, after many adventures and dangers, having at length met, and indulging in much metaphysics, could not help but exclaim, what is all this for, are they not got together? Saint-Evremond, Sur Nos Comedies, CEuvres Meslees. Ibid. metaphysic'] The etymological meaning of the word meta- physic, is, that which is, to explain it, opposed to nature, and therefore to the natural impulses; as the intercourse, or rather ;w«-intercourse, between this pair, obviously was, under the circumstances, '• When kind occasion prompted their desires." A matter not explicable, except on our doctrine of spiritual ivives, the method of approaching whom, and of cohabiting with them, with the issue thereof, are explained at large in our Work, under that title. Ed. Ath. Ver. 319. univilliiig wives] Really, this writer wishes us, not only to review his book, but to write it too. *' Unwilling wives," when he means, "id //i/ig wives, as the context obviously recpiires; since Pompilia shews that she uas as willing as a man could wish. Ed. Arn. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 203 Or subtile lofjic such as gulls may guide, And show but seeming is the guilty side ; With art by which unwilling wives may hope To keep their character, and yet elope, 320 Towards nook apart, which on the Western side, Drawn in by strength of subterranean tide, The rope next warp'd where multitudes are found, Long lost to mortal ken, and deep in ground. Gregarious these like Blue-Point oysters skulk, 325 In numbers making what they want in bulk : NOTES. Ver. 320. keep their character, and yet elope.'\ An original author, who reverses the rule of tlie moral, and, following Dixon, the modern Bossu, first finds the immoral : "The great immoral yours, as mine, the guide." See Speech delivered by Hepworth Dixon, Esquire, before the College of Ignorance, on occasion of the Great Annual Conference. Ver. 321. the Western side,] A touch at ourselves, I suppose ; Western side. Am. Ed. Ver. 324. lost to "mortal ken,^ Of tlie Immortals, (since no part of nature is out of Providence,) those alone who survey, and liave charge of, this Region, are the Goddesses ioiown to classical Antiquity as Oblivia, Occulta, and Celata; sisters, like the Fates, being three in number, and called collectively the Obliviones; together with the mother Goddess. Ver. 325. Blue-Point oysters] Which, first, being taken up, and "but a mouthful to the Satirist," he sends down, finally, like the rest of those noticed. Ver. 326. /« numbers making; what they want in hulk ;] As if to intimate, that, if our poets are numerous, they are small. At which we are not likely to repine, so long as our country can produce the largest potatoes, the largest cabbage heads, and the largest pumpkins in the world. So that if we are not 'some poets.' we are 'some pumpkins;' a phrase, I fear, which will give some trouble to that Gentleman in these pages often appearing as Ed. Atii. ; to edify whom, I desire to insert the follow- in" from PETER'S Geneial History of Connecticut : " New-Haven is cele- 204 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. A dozen disembowel'd of the list At most a mouthful for the satirist. But as when things testaceous, by some luck, Or freak of nature, are together stuck, 330 So here a pair of poets seen to press, As shell on shell, the little on the less ; Or as the Siamese together found, To Saltus Whitman, Whitman Saltus, bound, Resembling, yet unlike, as once the Twins, 335 When Shang and Whang each had his sep'rate sins ; But if in what opposing I must tell. Whitman to me the most inscrutable ; Of authors darkest that in dungeon kept, And only writ their nonsense when they slept ; 340 NOTES. brated for giving the name " jiumpkin-heads" to all the New-Englanders. It originated from the Blue Laws, whicli enjoined every male to have liis hair cut round by a cap. When caps were not had, they substituted I lie hard shell of a pumpkin ; which being put on the head every Saturday, the hair is cut by the shell all round the head." Our Author seems not to have known that there are large Blue-Points, as well as small, like so many other things in nature, including Poets. One would scarcely believe it, but Professor Wilson declared that "oysters are Poets," in which respect he would not allow that they had any resemblance to Tennyson. Am. Ed. Ver. 334. Saltus] A very genteel young man, fashionably dressed, whose poems afforded me a great deal of amusement. Ibid. IV/iittna/t,] I read, in his Life, that he sprung from an old stock in Long-Wand, and grew to tlie age of thirteen, when he was trans- planted to a printing-house, and wrote for the Democratic Review ; at all times loved well what are railed "common people," such as "city me- chanics," and "stage drivers." Camp-follower, builder of houses, and also of the lofty rliynie : " Leaves of Grass," " Drum-Taps," and other things. Ver. 336. Sliani^ and Whang each had his sep' rate sins ;] As the vices of liunian creatures are as fifty to one in comparison \\\\\\ their virtues, they are, therefore, those which [irincipall) ciiaraclenze tliem. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 205 Who, as of reason Pope we poet call, Henceforth high-priest of the irrational ; Concurrence such whose random phrases make, That most like pie which printers send to bake. A flail of sense, this part on that retorts, 345 Elegiac verses, which in longs and shorts ; NOTES. Ver. 341. of reason Pope we poet caU,^ That Pope is the " poet .of reason" proves him to be no poet at all; aut insanit homo, aut versus facit : as no man can be in love, and be in his senses, so can no one write verses. However, the phrase having been repeated, it is heard especially among those who, conscious that there is neither sense nor knowledge in their own verses, wish to avoid the consequences of a comparison with one distinguished in each of these respects, though by no means in these only, as they would insinuate. The cry used to be that Pope had no Greek ; and now it is that he had no imagination ; until every illiterate numskull comes to speak of Pope with contempt. Opposed to whom, let me men- tion, Porson, who expressed a wish to pass his days at Twickenham, that he might be on the spot where Pope had lived ; Gray, who spoke of him as "a great master; " and Byron, who, in this other department of the fancy, quoted passages from Pope, to shew that he excelled in it. But Pope, Porson, Gray, and Byron, give place, for here comes a Fi-ettchmait, one Taine, a seiisation historian, who cannot endure Pope, though, en rcvenche, in raptures with Shakespeare. Even this praise of reason, he denies him : " O, what pretty sounds! except truth nothing is wanting." Vkr. 344. like pie\ To learn what/zV is, I must send to Mr. Whit- man liimself, who must often have tasted of tliat mixture of type thus called, when underscrub in a printing-house, his first occupation. IMITATIONS. Ver. 343. Conacrrence such whose random phrases mahe,'\ The fortuitous concurrence of atoms, as in Lucretius : " ipsa Sponte sua forte offensando semina rerum Multimodis, temere, incassum, frustraque, coacta Tandem cooluerint ea, " Lib. ii., v. 1057. 206 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. While untaught " Drum-Taps," in a tuneless round Of mammy-daddy, still repeat the sound ; E'en rhyme the fetter wanted not by Walt, In " crippled prose " who cannot help but halt. 350 Saltus the less, in whom less thick appears The lambent smoke, but he'll grow dim with years. Commingling streams their mutual bodies fed, Who snored and dream'd upon a common bed ; But who, at length, when on the board they lie, 355 By scalpel cut, e'en this their autopsy. NOTES. Ver. 345. A flail of sense, '\ This hemistich from Dryden : *' Born for a scourge of wit, and flail of sense." Mac Fiecknoe, v. 89. Ibid. A flail of sense, this part on that retorts, Elegiac verses, rvhich in longs and shorts ;] Lest the point of this couplet should be lost to anyone, through want of ac- quaintance with college phrases, it may be explained that in elegiac verses a short line is doubled upon a long one, like the sticks of a flail : hexametri cum pentametris. Am. En. Ver. 348. inainmy-dadd}f\ When the soldier boy is first given tlie drum-sticks, he is taught to strike alternately, heavier and lighter, which sort of tune is called the mammy-daddy; as known to Mr. Whitman, who wrote " Drum-Taps," a.x\di followed the Army. Ver. 349. rhyme the fetter] Rhyme has been called a fetter to the poet ; and witli truth ; but it breaks him into a new pace, as it does the horse, who moves in his newly acquired gait without any appearance of constraint, and more gracefully than before, if thorouglily taught in it, and by nature tractable. Ver. 350. ^^ crippled prose""] A name given to blank-verse, in which much of Mr. Walt Whitman's poetry is written. Ver. 355. luhen on the board they lie. By scalpel ciit^ e\n this their autopsy. ] Alluding to the dissection of the Siamese Twins, made in Philadelphia. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 20/ Of the same school, and creatures of that sort By Nature made for her especial sport, Purblind from birth, and studious to be wrong, Let Holland serve as sample of the throng. 360 NOTES. Ver. 357. Of the same school,'] Scarce an age has passed, in the history of literature, without some form of false taste, into which every scribbler immediately hastens, that he may take advantage of the mode while it prevails. The present folly is that of obscurity, which, however, is but the revival of a fashion that was not new even in the days of Quintilian. This writer tells us of a preceptor known to Livy, who used to instruct his pupils in the obscure, making use of a Greek word aK6Ti(sov. Excellent ! he would say; in that I can understand nothing myself. On this vice, as a part of his subject, our Author dwelling, and selecting the more glaring instances of, as in the case of Browning, that now before us, and others, a certain sameness of censure has, unavoidably, found place, at least in this third book ; to lessen the effect of which, there was only left him to diversify the images, and put each hero in some new situation. It may be said that the necessity which thus embarrassed him, was of the Author's own choosing, and arose from an original defect of plan ; but I hope that an excuse may be found for him. Necessitas quod cogit, &c. Am. Ed. Ibid. school,] Quere, scull. Ed. Ath. Facetious. Ver. 359. Purblind from birth,] A graduate of our College, and ho- nour man, Mr. Holland went farther out of the way, by virtue of his natural qualifications, than any of his contemporaries, except the immediate chil- dren of the (ioddess, who were blind outright. Ed. Ath. Ver. 360. Holland] Josiah "Gilbert. Having taken degrees, in a coun- try school, as doctor, he practiced, unsuccessfully, for one or two years, and then hired himself to a party Paper; passed under the assumed name of Timothy Titcomb ; wrote " Kathrina, her Life and Mine;" and, last, became Editor of a Magazine. IMITATIONS. Ver. 357. creatures of that sort By Nature made for her especial sporty " Forsitan hoc facis, ut tibi sint mortalia ludo Facta, et habes hominem pro scurra." Pai.ingen., Zod. Vit., Lib. v. Leo., v. 11. 208 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. He, scarce escaping from Serbonian bog, Soon lost himself in Broadway in a fog. That still conceals him from the public gaze. Floats round his head, and with the footstep strays ; As erst, unseen, through Carthaginian crowd 365 ^neas stalk'd, in circumambient cloud. Above his brow if, chance, a beam breaks way, And raised his dazzled eyeballs to the day. The much moist brain but fresher fumes supplies, Like mists on marshes when the sunbeams rise. 370 NOTES. Ver. 361. Serbonian^ Bteotian? more probably, Batavian, as the name Holland suggests. ' Ed. Ath. Ver. 362. in Broadway\ " I was in Broadway, A unit in a million. Like a bath In ocean surf, blown in from farthest seas Under the August ardors, the grand rush Of crested life assailed me with its wave. And cool'd me while it fired." Kathrina, Part iii. The wave cooled him while it fired (while it scalded?) Cold performs the effect of fire, said Milton ; said Holland, Fire performs the effect of cold. Water which had boiled, freezes more rapidly than water yet unexposed to heat ; which accounts for the extraordinary frigidity of these verses, that no one can read unchilled. They bear a resemblance to the following from the Persian Princess, a play by Tibbald : " By heav'n it fires my frozen blood with rage, And makes it scald my aged trunk." IMITATIONS. Ver. 365. through Carthagittian croivd Aineas stalk'' d, in ciraimambient cloud.] " At Venus obscuro gradientes acre sepsit, Et multo nelml^e circum Dea fudit amictu." ^NEID. Lib. I., V. 4H. Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 209. Chiaro-scuro, where things brought about, That darkness doubled, and the Hght left out ; Or mass of shade encroaching on the print, When hides eclipse the sutty mezzo-tint: From want of thought, a poet in his rage 375 Who spilt his ink, and blotted all the page. NOT ES. Ver. 371. Chiaroscuro, where things broicght about. That darkness doubled, and the light left out ;] Certain of the Italian painters introduced so much of the obscure into their pictures, as to produce what was called a midnight effect ; thence called the setta de' Tenebrosi : — "Z>/ cib e nato che in molte di quelle pitture non son oggiami rimasi se non i lutni, sparitene le mezze tinte, e le masse degli sciiri ; e che la posterity ha trovato a questa schiera di artejici un vocabol nuovo^ chiamandogli la setta de'' Tenebrosi. ' ' Lanzi, Storia, Tomo Terzo, p. 208, Bassano, 1818. The expression tenebricosus had been applied to Heraclitus. Esse sensus non obscuros nee tenebricosos, said CiCERO. ViDA, also, in a more parti- cular manner, stigmatizes this vice : " Verborum in primis tenebras fuge, nubilaque atra : Nam neque, si tantum fas credere, defuit olim Qui lumen jucundum ultro, lucemque perosus Ob.scuro nebulae se circumfudit amictu ; Tantus amor noctis, latebrse tam dira cupido !" Poet., Lib. iii., v. 15. Ver. 374. the sutty tnezzo-tlnt .•] Mezzo-Tinto, a manner of engraving, so called, and very different from the common. " To perform it, they rake, hatch, or punch the surface of the plate all over with a knife, or instrument iTjade for the purpose, first one way, then the other, across, &c., till the face of the plate be thus entirely furrowed with lines or furrows, close and as it were contiguous to each other ; so that if an impression was thus taken from it, it would be one uniform lilot, or smut : " — as in the print before us, into which light has not been made to enter ; the finer and more laborious part of the process. IMITATIONS. Ver. 371. Chiaro scuro, &'ci\ " Cosl dipinge a chiaro scuro e a gtiazzo.''"' Menzini, Satira Prima. 2IO THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. Part of himself, and prattlers of his pate, His ' darling things' no sense can penetrate, Fair to the view, and their fond father's pride, Like ^sop's mask that wanted brains inside ; 380 In green and gold attractive to the eye. Or, gold and green, and, as you like, you buy. Unwash'd, and rusty in religious black. Like printer devil, who but author hack, Skill'd, through the week, dull paragraphs to pen, 385 A Slip, on Sunday who could whine amen. His Rev'rence raised, of Scribner's press the pride, With Magazine and Roxy by his side, NOTES. Ver. 375. poet in his rage] Meaning doubtful : does he mean a poet in the poetic frenzy ; or a poet in a rage with his own poetry ? Ed. Ath. Ver. 377. prattlers of his pate, \ In the same manner as we say, ' children of his body.' Ver. 380. Like yEsop's mask] A fox, having met with a vizor-mask, turned it over with his foot, and, when he had considered it awhile atten- tively, bless me ! said he, what a handsome goodly figure ! pity that it should want brains ! 'G o'ia. Keiii;/ifoii,\ Richani MonUton Milncs, I'".S.A., D.C.I.., &c. Baron Ilouj^hton. I'oet and I'olitician ; rare condjination. So larj^e a fish as Ilonghton, fonnd ainonj; this fry of farcers, is what need not give snrprise, as a cod is often similarly canght. Ibid. Artio/(/x\ Arthur. "Cotton l<"amine ; " in which he expresses liis fears that the usffiil classes will jjcrish for want of the " raw material," while the useless for want of the same converted into rags, and finally into ])aper: — Ned. "Staff" of a Newspaper: — The Rev. "Path on luirtk to tlietjlatesof Heaven ; " wherein is made appear that these places are con- lignous: — Mat. Professor of Poetry, and so |)ersevcring a jiroficient in it, that he surpassed Aristotle, whose verses are confined to one had ode, while the bad of Mat. fill a volume. Vku. 400. Whose eyes still slarhtg,\ C)ne is forced Uijis/i for the mean- ing of this Writer. " Whose eyes still staring," seems to api)ly to the Messrs. Arnold exclusively, tliough, possibly, intended to include the whole "boatload," from the simile of the herrings, which do not shut I heir eyes, when deceased. lu). Aiii. Ibid. " IV/iose eyes still staring, though the life is gone . ] This passage also/ the riieaning of which, we suppose, is, that, as Authors, they were dead, though " still staring," in their other capacity. I'j). A iir. A just conjecture; and one wliich the Reader will please to remend)cr in reading other i)assages of this Poem, Am. V.u. Vkr. 402. Like I'ersian I'rince, hut haiuhs at liutterjlics,\ Sir Anthony Slierley, in his " Travels into Persia," relates, that he saw the King amusing himself with sparrows, which had been taught to catch but- terflies, and such small game. 214 THE om.lvlAD. Book III. Or of Doniitian iniitiitcs the art, With ponitcd verse to do Arachne's [)art : These, several and all, to scan yet fain, 405 Slipp'd from my hand, I could not grasp again ; Down, down, they sank, to lie conceal'd from sight, As long as Earth endures, or scribblers write. (^ne only snatch'd ; once much resounding name When criticks call'd, and Longfellow was fame. 410 Chromatic torture, that some saw-mill near. To drown these notes, or, could 1 Codrus hear 1 NOTES. Vkr. 403. Or of Doniitian, iSr^f.] Domitian, in the early part of liis reign, was accustoincil to pass liis mornings, with catciiing Hies, ami piercing tlieiu tlirougli witli a sliarp-pointcd stylus : '^ wi/sias taptare, ac stilo /;<<•- ticiito cotijigcify SiJKTON., Domit., cap. 3. Vkr. 407. Down, down, they satik,\ This tautology, we suppose, is eni- ]iloyeil to e.xpress unusual heaviness, because I'lunnner, or Pluniber, (from pliinibiis^) was of the nun\l)cr. El). A'PII. Vk.r. 40S. As lotii:; ] Tliis, and the ludfdo/cn or more names immediately ]ireceiling, indicate that the grapnel nmst again have slipt to the Western side, thai Ultima Tlude, spoken of above. Am. Eo. Book III. Till'. olil.IVIAI). 215 Not touch of flic, but ^r.iliiiL;' sound of i;isi), And pen to si)lint('is shivt.'r'd in his <.;i-as[). Leech forced, ;ilas ! on the loiiLj (heuded thjoni, 4' 5 Must (hscord chive another to tlic tomb ; No kind nieclianic to attend my call, And ^ivc a double sash, or thicker wall ; Torn cv'ry nerve, intolerable j^rief, And the Vice-Chancellor refuse relief! 42O N o r K s . Ver. 415. T.fvch forci-il, alas I t'y^<-.] 'I'liis iiiiliappy Mini of (Icniiis pif- clictccl tliat llic liaii(l-()i'|;;iiis would Ijc lliudcalli of liiin ; (jluiir^cil, in vain ! his rcsideiico, and pul in doulilc sashes ; at wliich liis friends were wont Id smile, until, at len^^lli, when cerchral inllanunalion had set in, and his end appixjached, 1 told you, said he, what it would eonie to. Vkk. 420. tlu Vice- Ckancd lor rcfitsr^ <^^''<'-\ 1 he kcadcr cnnint fail to renieinher the case of Simpson v. Campl)ell, of Kandnlph-t laidins, last year, who foU{^ht their battles with discords, in the manner of ihc (ireenlanders. 'I"he power of Music wc* all kn(jw, siiue " the world's victor was suhdued hy sound;" hut only the (ireenlanders know the power of Noise. 'I'he disi)Ute havinj; divided llii; Slate, opposinj^ armies raise the I M I I' A r I N S. Vkr. 412. or could I Cod r Its ln'nr !\ " rauci 'I'heseide CJodri?" JllV. Sat. r., V. 2. V K R. 4 1 3 . touch 0/ file. I "lima; lalior," I loK. d(; Art. I'oel. v. 2t)I. Viut. 414. pen to spliiitrrs shiver'' d in his ^rasf>. \ It is easy, said Johnson, to make our language rouf^h ; whence I can claim but little praise, if, in a ])ar()dy on the followiuf^ line of llomcr, I have made the sound, as he did, "an ciho to the sense : " TpixJIoi T( KoX TeT/)ax"a 5iut()i«/>Jc iiciriI,IVIAD. Book IIL IJut not to crowd a page already full, Set down in one short word, the man was dull. N o V K s . lnny;s, depth of llic clicst, aiul c;ilil)er of the l)ronclii ; llic tongue to he in- spected, on tliiusting it out, in the usual inanncr. Professoishiiis li) \>a cstablislicd in Ct)llcges, and cliest-gaugers to he licenseti everywhere. Ibid. Scarron, on his death-bed, labouring with the hickup, ventured to write a satire against it ; but, in confirmation of the theory of Dr. Holmes, forced to equal his line with the death rattle, he was brought at last to a single /tic, and expired; for when the breath failed, so also, of necessity, did the verse. Viui. 434. //(g man 7vas dull.\ Writers on the English tongue dwell, with great admiration, on the gravity of that "noble word," Death, with that " nigrum theta" transposed to the end of it ; but I will match with it that other inonosylla!)le, Uui.i,, as one of the heaviest, and most ex- l>ressive, in our language. Ibid. pa Kvpeis; HAEKTPA. 'iSov ju.a\' oS ^poei ris. KATTAIMNH2TPA. "n TiKVOV, TiKVOy, OiKretpe rijv reKovcrav. HAEKTPA. 'A\\' ovK iK crf6ei/ 'Q'KTelpe^' ovros, oi»3-' 6 yevvrjcras irar^p. X0P02. ^n itSXis, S) yevfo, ToiKatya' vvv ffe Moipa Kadafifpia (pOlvei^ (pdlvu. KATTAIMNH2TPA. "Q [loi veir\r}yij.ai. HAEKTPA. Tla7rofound as the place they went to, and perfectly obscure. Ver. 179. his hat\ His breeches, that is, which must have been rolled into the shape of a turban, or, rather, full-bottomed wig, like those in Hogarth; unless we suppose that Mr. Carlyle, in point of fact, had a hat, and that it was not from any necessity, that he bound his head in the manner mentioned, but for 'sake of singularity.' lu). Arii. Ver. 184. second-class f\ As the Reader herein addressed is a man of the first class, he could only find himself thus dislocated by turn of for- tune, or accident, so frc(]uent on railroads. Book IV. TlIK ()15LIVIA1). 249 While circuiiistancc enough lo fill ;i hook Divides the praise between his host and cook ; 190 Ci^ar wlio ^^'^ve him, how the Yankees spit, With his own jest, and his own lan^h at it : K'cn Troilope sncli, imagined to the eye In " traveller" type of true vulf^^arity, Save that with pen deliberate he writes 195 What the more lively ba<^man but recites ; His j(jke the same served stale upon the dish, When wit, to win us, should be fresh, like fish ; While such the talc applauding crowds to draw Of all a coxcomb was, and all he saw: 200 N O T K S . Ver. 193. TroUopc\ Would Hi:it \ liad done with all such! suffice it, that Mr. Trollope's history is that of the rest, a writer of many i)ooks, which, critically speaUinj^, are, or very soon will be, dead, dead, dead. Not worlli powder; or, if you ])lease, jien, ink, and jjaper. Anthony Troilope, son of Mr. and Mrs. Troilope, Icgitiiiiale hy his mo- ther, who was writer and traveller. l*ul)lished novels of the ordinary kind, and also of that other kintl called histories, with books of travels. Vku. 195. he wrilcs\ As my constant aim is to avoid ail causes of jealousy among the reigning monarchs of literature, and never, in any way, to give them real cause of offence, knowing the irritability of authors, 1 must here do that justice to Troilope that 1 have done the rest, and allow him to answer for liimself ; as fcdlows : " Hotels, as an institution, arc, on the whole, a conifortaijic arrange- ment." "As a rule." *' Jonathan is liecoming humjilious, no douljt." " Never ate such bacon and jiease." 1 M I V Al' I O N S. Ver. 200. all a coxconih ivds, and all Iw saiv :\ " (\\\;\n\u(i i])se miserriiiia vidi, lit quorum pars magna fui." yl'incid. Mb. I!., V. 5. II* 250 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. For as its tail still gives the kitten glee, To Trollope thus the oft told repartee. Dragg'd earth half round, the reader next is led Through that most barren hemisphere his head ; Where fancy furnishes alone the hints, 205 And draws the picture in romantic tints ; Such scenes as all our novelists prepare, Which never will be, and which never were. NOTES. Ver, 203. Dragg'd earth half round, the reader next is led Through that most barren hemisphere his head ;\ For Mr. Trollope traveled through all the Western World, and then made the "grand tour" of his own Calvaria, where having found all barren, he decked it in romance and landscape of his own. Hemisphere, his head ? you inquire. Exactly so ; for although Man may appear, like a pepperbox, fmished off above with a cupola, yet, examined internally, in that part where the brain should be, it is but half the size it seems, and only a sort of cockloft, ill-lit by a couple of openings beneath the eaves, and, for the most part, without furniture. And, as man is all of a piece, so does he affect to look twice as wise as he is, twice as knowing, and twice as rich ; on authority of Bacon, who says that there is usually less wisdom, less learning, and less wealth, than people gain credit for. Ver. 208. Which never will be, and which never were. ] And does this writer advance this, as if it were to the discredit of Trollope, or of any other novelist ; who then, one would fancy, most excel when they bring in something novel, or which never entered into any one's head be- fore? In those regions beyond the walks of nature, knowledge is out of place, as but showing things known, when the whole rests on invention, IMITATIONS. Ver. 201. For as its tail still gives the hit ten glee. To Trollope thus the oft told repartee. W\i JnculiT 2Bt^ nnb ind i^iiiiiiicu 3^rol)t irber fid) int ciuicit ,Hii'fi''f'i"v 2i?ic '[\\\uy Sta[}f\\ iiiit bom i2'd)iunii^. @ c 1 1) c 'S iH'crtc, i^aiib 12, 1829, i^'tuttiviit iiiib Tiibirtgeit. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 25 1 No need of study, his to write away, What chance may rise, with chit-chat of the day ; 210 Trick off his puppets in a tinsel dress, Three vokimcs make complete, and haste to press. And must this age from censure be exempt, And novelist with us be not contempt ; Shall noble, common, country and the town, 215 The gen'ral nation prostitute renown ; At public banquets Trollopc send a plate. And think they do much honour to the ' great ; ' Of Dickens, Dixon, Sala, sound the praise, And be the laughingstock to future days ! 22O A mass immense, with much commingling slime, Of books and authors, toss'd from time to time. Now on the shore in such disorder prcss'd. You scarce could tell great I3ancroft from the rest, A cautious poet when he first appears, 225 Historian daring in his riper years, Whose prose ascending, as his verses sank. They came to one dead level on the bank. NOTES. or the new. If Satan could say. Evil be thou my good, we can say, Igno- rance be thou my knowledge ; by whose aid it is that ' things that never will be, and that never were ' are brought l)efore the understanding. Ei). Arif. Ver. 224. great] So called in the sense that Blackmore was styled the "everlasting." , Am. Va). Ver. 225. poel] In which capacity Mr Bancroft values liimself above what his history entitles him to; through that paternal partiality which blinded Milton, when he preferred the Paradise Regained. Being lately at an auction, when a copy of his poems was knocked down, at forty dollars, why, he exclaimed, with great satisfaction, it is worth more than my history. Am. Ed. Ver. 228. They came to one dead level\ By which it is pkin, that, from 252 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Of his own pupils kept the schoolboy skill, With pompous period all the page to fill, 230 The nation's story occupied his head, By Bancroft written, and by no one read. The sinking shelf can scarce the volumes take, That bought and kept just for our country's sake ; Each patriot proud that patent to the eye, 235 How large the void we fill in history. As in deep waters when the seine is thrown, And caught, instead of shad, some shapeless stone; While (Hsappointed fishers in a pet, D — n the dull lump that like to break their net : 240 NOTES. the difference natural between the two species of writing, the flattest verse, and tlie most tumid prose, meet at the same level. Am. Ed. Ibid. dead level] The natural tendency of things : Hills descend, and valleys fill ; water, like all modern productions, immediately finds its level; castles fill up their own moats; the fortune raised Ijy the miser, is cast right and left by his heir ; monarchies sink into republics ; until, finally, all distinctions will be obliterated. Even the inecjualities in the moon, astronomers inform us, cease to appear. Whence, it is clear that Mr. Bancroft but followed nature, which is the chief praise of a composer. Gravity, or /leaviness, is the pervading principle. VEli. 229. his 070 n pupil s\ Mr. Bancroft, before sent Minister to England, taught school. Am. Ed. Ver. 234. for our country's sake ,•] As a certain patriot was heard to say : " I tried to read it, for the sake of my country ; but was compelled to desist, for the sake of myself. When occasion calls, I am ready to sacri- fice my life, but torture I cannot endure." 'Tis not every man, said Eras- mus, who has the patience of a martyr. Am. P^D. Ver. 239. While disappointed fishers^ in a pet^ n — ;/, i2r»f. ] A com]iarisoii, in the manner of Homer, with accessory images, to enliven and cml)cllish llic subject, for tvliich purpose few objects niure pleasing Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 253 Thus, now, slung high, with dint of toil, appears, What hoped some score shrunk bards, and is but Sears. Big as in Broadway when he takes the air, And struts in state behind his paunch and pair ; N (J T E S . could present themselves to the fancy than the net and fishermen, such as depicted in the Piscatoria of Saiiazzaro. One Perrault, offensively, called this sort of similes, comparaisons h longue queue, comparisons with a long tail ; he being as big a liiockhead as any other tliat ever presumed to cen- sure poet, or was satirized. Ver. 241. slung high,^ Hung liad been more satirical. Ed. Ath. Ver. 242. shrunk bards ^\ Should we not rather readjww/^; sunk bards ? Ed. Ath. Ibid. Such is the difference between the Reviewer and the Reviewed ; or, between the writer for the Review, and the owner of it ; as shown in tlie second Book of this Work. Ibid. Sears.\ By birth Irish. Editor of the National Quarterly, New York. '* II y a des gens qui ont besoin d'etre vivans, pour mcriter que Ton ecrive contre eux. Apres leur mort ils n'en valent pas la peine." MANAGE, Tom. iv., p. 13. Ver. 243. Broadway^ The American Sul)urra ; to call it after the name of that street, so famous among strata viarum, mentioned in the writings of Martial, Juvenal, and Persius, being that in which the prosti- tutes walked at night. Ver 244. struts in state behitid his paunch and pair ;] A fnlse representation of nature ; ut pictura, poesis ; how can a man be de- picted as strutting behind his own paunch, however prominent ? and, as to the pair, one foot, in peramljulating, must still be before, and the other be- hind, as in tandem, a Latin word, which signifies at length, or longitudinal direction, one before the other. We have the phrase, "beside himself," but how can we speak of one as " behind himself" ? Absurdum est. May I not put the question to this writer, out of Ovid, " Quid me mild detrains V ^^>- Nat. Quart. 254 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Where Helnibold heats his half-a-dozen hacks, 245 And Physic finds that Learning too has quacks. In biicJiti one, one in bog-Latin deals, And this instructs as much as t'other heals. But in ' two ships ' Pat tempts again the sea, To shew at home his new gentility ; 250 His native Connemara to regain, And shine the gentleman in watch and chain. Partakes of proffer'd lunch, in coach at aise, Me lady next, a Countess, \{ yow plaise ; Shows in the States how sep'rate also ranks, 255 And, in a brogue thrice butter'd, grunts his thanks, NOTES. Ver. 245. Where He! inbold heats his half-adozen hacks^"] One of the artifices which this Empiric made use of, to draw attention, was to ride in an open carriage, with six horses j showing the great skill of the driver. Ver. 247. btichii] A drug got among the Hottentots, that "polite people," as Addison called them. Ibid. bog-Latin] A sort of dialect, taught in hedge-schools in Ire- land, which bears the same resemblance to classical Latin that bog-wood jewelry does to the genuine. Ver. 249. in ' two ships ' Pat tempts again the sea^ " We went and returned in two of tlie best Cunard steamers." Nat. Quart. June 1870, p. 133. Ver. 253. Partakes of proffer'' d lunch, in coach at aise. Me lady next, a Countess, if you plaise y] Met a Countess, in a carriage. " But, in America, is there not too much equality ? " said the Countess, manifestly desiring to keep the fellow at a distance. " We assured her that the lower classes were kept at their levci. in America, as in other countries." This being understood, the Countess gave him what remained of luncheon, which he devoured in ten minutes, being less time than that allowed by rule of the road, or twenty minutes, as he informs us. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 255 But judges placed on bench he doubts may know The man in court they saw so long ago. To England hastes, where all the titled still Confess at sight his Lordship of the quill. 260 Then, last, in polish'd Paris glads his vi.ew, And finds, as fails his French, his Irish do. Laid next upon the bank, soft-sounding names, With ev'ry line they wrote, some dozen dames ; By broom arraign'd, but not by pen, of sloth, 265 Of verse or prose good housewives, or of both. NOTES. Ver. 257. Btit judges placed on bench he doubts may know The man in court they saw so long ago. ] Remembers that he had been in the Criminal Court, at Monaghan, a quarter of a century before. Looked in again, and seeing that the man who was then prosecutor, was now judge, did not think it prudent "to remind him of these facts," and, witliout delay, departed. Ver. 259. To England hastes, where all the titled, &'c.'\ Tapping the shoulder of the "next English Member, he most cordially and cheerfully took out his pencil, and gave me a note to the Gallery." Ver. 262. And finds , as fails his French, his Irish do.] In Paris, on his way to the Palais Royal, not remembering the word for palace, Mr. Sears told the driver of the fiacre to take him to the Rioghlan Royal, to which, from the close analogy between French and Irish, he at once replied, we, we. Desiring to praise the horse, I called him caput breag, which he understood as well as if I had spoken French. Ver. 263. Laid next upon the bank, soft-sounding names,] The romantic disposition of our Author is very visible ; he can never men- tion the "fair" without some soft and sounding expression. Laid next upon the bank ; how suggestive ! as the Athenoeum expresses it. Am. Ed. Ibid. Laid next upon the bank,] Suggestive ! We suppose that we can guess what is meant. Laid next upon the bank, soft, &c. Ed. Ath. 256 Till': oliLlVIAl). IJuok IV. In dress loss diligent ; for seen to slip Aside, of one the buttock, one the hi|) ; Of needle, honour'd scars, no marks remain, But finijer bore the literary stain ; 270 While on each brow distinguishable yet The lines of last night's thought, or last night's sweat. lUit soon a clatter heard on ev'ry side, And noise and nonsense all the talk divide ; As contradiction, brangling, boast, begin, 275 And taunt and treble more augment the din. More keen the gibe, direct the charge arose, And sharper this one's tongue, and that one's nose, Until with louder laugh a third confounds, And won the day by ilissonance of sounds. 280 Unblushing IJeecher, eager to defame. And charge with crime too shocking here to name ; Stops not at dirt domestic, but displays Her filthy function to the gen'ral ga/.c. N O 1' K S . Vkk. 268. JfV// A» .v//'/ Asidf, of one the buttock, one the hip ;\ Understand, false liut • tiH-ks, and false liij)s, with false breasts, should there be occasion to intro- duce them. Vkr. 281. Unhliishing Beecher,\ Mrs. Harriet Klizabelh Heecher .Stowe. As the name of Heecher is so famous in literature, as well as in.(jther mat- ters, 1 prefer speaking under this her maiden name of that lady who, anionj; a vast variety of other works, wrote " Uncle Tom's Cabin," " My Wife and 1," with " Stories about Our A'.^o-;" to which ftdlowed "The True Slmy of Lady Hyron's Life," in which she accused Lord Hyron of Incest. This drawing universal attention, she wrote and publishcil " Lady Myron Vindi- cated," and examined, with great nicety, the (luestion of imyxt, in all lis divisions, moral, physical, and physicdogical. 1 1 is hoped that, from the great knowledge she has ac(|uired of shocking crimes, that slic will drug her "Dogs," above mentioned, into the subject, and write another book f,)i the closet. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 25/ Tells all " her friend" had said, with her reply ; 285 Of which one word if you believe, not I. NOTES. Ver. 283. Stops not at dirt domestic, but displays Her filthy function to the general gaze.'\ The French have a proverb, Lavez voire Huge sale eti famille ; in defiance of which, Mrs. Stowe took home with her Lady Byron's linen, (which was more than ordinarily dirty, for reasons somewhat obscurely hinted at just below,) and washed it in the gaze of the multitude : very much as was the Arabian custom, of exhibiting the proofs of violation on the sheets, the next morning after marriage ; the difference being mainly in the colour of the stain. We have all heard of the beggarly Scotchman who, for half-a-crown, fired off a blunderbus, leveled against religion and morality, after the death of him who had loaded it. In which manner also it is that Mrs. Stowe un- covers beneath our noses that engine known, in barbarous, as in domestic, warfare, as a stinkpot, and stirs it up, from time to time, for the same mo- tive of filthy lucre. Ibid. Mrs. Stowe: there is a secret I wish to confide to yoUr ears; 'tis not to every one I would tell it ; a thing too gross for me, but which you may enlarge upon, with the privilege of your sex: The real cause of sepa- ration between this Noble Pair, I have on what \% good authority ; a mis- chance not unheard of in other families, noble and common : He sent her home with what My Lord, in Don Juan, called a " small present ; " at which, naturally, My Lady took much offence. You will see. Ma'am, that this removes the whole mystery. This, Lady Byron never told you ; it was of a nature that would not bear telling ; it disgraces him who gave, and her who got. But for you, no disgrace can attend you ; that you have gone through already. You have, therefore, but to dwell on this subject, histo- rically, how this thing first began, morally, how caught, and, surgically, how cured ; and, my word for it, the book will have a large sale, and, most likely, furnish occasion for a second one, by way of reply; " Mrs. Stowe Vindicated." For this piece of information, I ask no return ; you can have it gratis ; like other filth, which one person is glad to be rid of, but which another is glad to take away, and make profit of: 'tis the muck-woman's business. Ver. 285. Tells all " her friend'''' had said, with her reply ;\ " Then 1 was sure he must love me." '• And did he not ? " said I. " What other cause could have led to this emotion ? " She looked at me very sadly, and said, '^ Fear of detection.^^ " What!" said I, '' A\d. that cause ihm q\- 258 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Repeats of bagnio what but vile dispute, And bargain struck 'twixt pimp and prostitute ; No need of which on distant shores to toil, That found at home, and racy of the soil : 290 Assign'd to others that which all her own. Whose words we read, and think we hear the tone. N OTES. ist ?" (Whence it would appear that she knew of the catise before she was told of it.) " Yes," she said, " it did." " It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul; Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars." But Othello, the black, had more delicacy than Stowe, the white. Ver. 288. bargain struck ''twixt pimp and prostitute ;\ *' He told her, that, as he could not be expected to confine himself to her, neither could he expect or wish that she should confine herself to him ; that she was young and pretty," &c. — " One night, in her jiresence, he treated his sister with a liberty which both shocked and astonished her. " 1 sup- pose," said he, "you perceive yoii are not wanted here. Go to your own room, and leave us alone. We can amuse ourselves better without you." !!! Ver. 291. all her own, '\ Or, are we to believe that Lady Byron invented this slander, out of revenge, and knowing that an Englishwoman, with sufficient qualifications, could not be found for the business, gave it to one already public, witli pen to play the prostitute, for payment, as usual ? " Those whom your wit and reason cant decry, Make scandalous with loads of infamy ; Make Luther monster, by a fiend begot. Brought forth with wings, and tail, and cloven foot ; Make whoredom, incest, worst of vice, and shame. Pollute, and foul his manners, life, and name." Mutato nomine, Byron in place of Luther, and these verses, from Old- ham, are not inapplicable. IMITATIONS. Ver. 292. Whose words we read, and think we hear the toneJ\ Rancidulum quiddam balba de nare locutus. Persii Sat. i., v. 33. Book IV. THE OBLiviAD. 259 Stand forth, fraternal that all eyes may see That brow bomb-proof to culpability, Though double scandal vilifies the name, 295 And ISeeclier blacken'd to eternal shame. A woman, else, whose knowledge none deny, That to the bottom groped in Sodomy ; Offence of Onan show'd 'gainst Nature's ways. But not that act misnamed of now-a-days ; 300 Those concubines of which the Hebrews tell, No man could please, except by miracle ; As loving pastor put to proof, she said, Who with a dozen did his best in bed ; Since which less prone the Mormon to deride, 305 Who, after all, had Scripture on his side. Proceeding whence, minutely to discuss The point, she owns her doubts of Proculus. NOTES. Ver. 297. whose knotvlcdgenone dcny,'\ In tliis is candour, and evidence of a mind tliat rises above injustice. Mrs. Stowe's knowledf^c is praised ; and, indeed, so her invention also, in those lines above, where 'all her friend had .said,' is ascribed to Mrs. Stowe herself. Ed. ATht. Vkr. 298. Sodomy ;^ Genesis, chap. xix. Ver. 299. Offence of Onan] '' And Judah said unto C)nan, Go in unto thy brotiier's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. And (Jnan knew that the seed should not be his ; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he sj)illeil it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother." Genesis, chap, xxxviii, v. 8. Ver. 300. ftoi that act misnamed of now-a-days ;] Vid. TlssoT, Sur L'Onanisme. Ver. 308. Proculus. \ " Proculus Metiano affini S. D. Centum ex Sarmatia Virgines cepi. Ex his una nocte decern inivi : omnes tamen, quod in me erat, mulieres intra dies XV reddidi." VoPiSCUS. Hist. August. .Scriiit. p. 363. 26c THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. To Moulton Proctor boldly gives the he, And proves intact was her virginity ; 310 To conscious sofa might, she said, appeal, Could sofas tell us what but virgins feel. Of " His Two Wives " Ames sends the tale to press, And leaves her husband of one wife the less. Strong-minded these with mutual insult vex, 315 And leave much small talk to the " weaker sex : " A green-sick beverage, that swells a sea When kettle bubbles up, and drench'd the tea, NOTES. Ver. 309. Moulton] Mrs. This lady has not written much, that I have heard of, (for I would not undertake to assert that any one, in the present day, has not written,) though she hdiS dictated not a little, as seen in a Work, in two large volumes, called the " Beecher Trial." Ibid. Proctor\ Miss. Authoress of " Beecher Life Thoughts." Ver. 310. proves intact was ker virginity ;\ She swore to it ; what more would you have ? Parent Du Chatelet, in his Work entitled Prostitution dans la Ville de Paris, informs us that a couple of notorious prostitutes submitted themselves to examination by the Sur- geons, men of much experience, who passed them as virgins ; so illusive are the physical signs. Ver. 311. conscious sofa] The sage Historian of Connecticut gives it as his opinion, that the bed itself, with bundling, is less to be feared than the so/a ; to which, had he daughters, he assures us, he would very reluc- tantly intrust them, unless "after a proper education." Peters, Hist, of Conn., p. 228. Ver. 313. "///> Two Wives''^ Atncs] One of tlie novels which Mrs. Ames wrote has this title. Ver. 314. leaves her husband of one wife the less.] Mrs. Ames se]iarated from her husband, or her husband separated from her, if it was not by mutual repulsion, through an incompatibility of virtues. "II y a, sans mentir," said La Bruyere, "de certains merites qui ne sont point fails pour ctre ensemble, de certaines vertus incompatibles." Ver. 317. A green-sick beverage,] Enigmatical: for it may mean tilings quite opposite, as interpreted ; either that it was a beverage that gave the Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 261 With dainties such as 1^'icld or Ilohiics supplies, Merc inix'd molasses, pap, and pasty, pics. 320 A windy diet, which in paunch remains When colic torture dcem'd parturient pains ; And ev'ry barren book by words is brought To seem as if imi)regnated with thought : Joanna Southcott not so big a sham, 3^5 Or widening womb of Burdell Cunningham. NOTES. green sickness, or one medicinal in the treatment of it ; or, indeed, lioth one and tlic other, conversely, since what will cause a disease, will cure a disease. If green Ije tiie article of tea intended in this obscure line, as is likely, then a cure must he understood, by the docliine of Signatures and Sympatliies ; which shews that, in case of any malady, we have only to observe the symptoms of it, and then to searcli for some substance bearing a resemblance thereto, whether in colour, or some other respects, which serve as the signature of Nature, who, in this manner, may be said to write her own materia niedica. ]">i->. Ai'ii. Ver. 319. Ficld\ Miss Kate. "Pen Sketches." "Ten Days in Spain," and Fifty years in Boston, the smell of which is very strong in her Spanish ; flipjiant Yankee dialogue, with nothing foreign except the title ; just as if she were t(j draw a pine-apple from the pumpkm before her. Iljid. IIolmc5\ AutJK^ress in tlie more airy and livelier jjarls of Literature. Recommended to all who set no value on their time or their money, which include the more fashionable class of readers. Ver. 325. yoanna SoutIicott\ A fanatic, who, at the age of sixty, gave out that she was pregnant, and would give birth to a second Shiloh. Very many people believed her statement, and one, among the wealthy, jirovided a golden cradle, to receive the Infant. On her death, it was found that it was but water which had distended her. Ver. 326. Burdell Citii7iiiigknin.\ This woman, annf)uncing her marriage with Dr. Burdell, and under suspicion of having murdered him, simulated the gravid intumescence, with the pains of labour ; when, obtain- ing a child from tiie Iiospitai, she declaretl, as proof of its ])atcniity, tliut it had the Burdell nose, and was heir to the estate, accordingly. Am. Kl). 262 THE OBOVIAD. Book IV. A moment vievv'd, some score of skirts between, Old woman thought, whose gender epicene, Unsocial Saunders ; he who sat so long A stranger still 'mid all that learned throng, 330 And, in reward, at length who thrust away Where dark Oblivion welcomed him from day, To dust some mouldy manuscripts on shelf, Set the spittoon, or lick the spit himself. Brevoort beside him, on an easy seat, 335 When lunch had served the too abundant treat, NOTES. Ver. 329. Unsocial Saunders ;\ This gentleman, who occupies a subordi- nate position in the Astor Library, was, ordinarily, so much engaged in study, that he could give but short aiiswers to those asking for books. Some one, curious to see who the writers were that engaged the attention of a man in his learned position, peeped over, on different occasions, and found that he was intent on Mrs. Sherwood's stories, but, more commonly, on his own productions, which were "Salad for the Solitary," "Salad for the Social," and " Dictionary of Love." Am. Ed. Ver. ^30. learned throno;,\ A poetical way for expressing the Works of the Learned ; which, to the number of Two hundred Thousand, were on the shelves all about him. Ver. 332. Where dark Oblivion zuelcomed hit?i\ Has been removed into a back room, where he is quite out of sight. Ver. 335. Brevoort^ A Gentleman of large estate, at present somewhat burdened by taxation, taking a great interest in Literature, who, at the very urgent solicitation of his friends, but chiefly out of a desire to benefit the Public, accepted the Office of Superintendent to the Astor Library, at a salary not more than double that of his predecessor, and only with one ad- ditional clerk, to do the drudgery : whereby, for the simple matter of five thousand dollars a year, over-and-above what we paid formerly, with per- quisites and patronage, we have a Gentleman to dignify this Institution, where he may be seen, some mornings, between the hours of twelve and two o'clock. Ver. 336. Irinch'] Supplied at the Restaurant a-la-mode next door to the Library, Lafayette Place, New York. " The feast of reason and the Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 263 Asks how much left of all that Astor will'd, And yards of shelf that yet remain unfiU'd : Five thousand still he finds the funds insure, And thanks who gave so fat a sinecure. 340 The Lotos Club, as num'rous wont to sup, Heap'd in a basket high, here lifted up, Like Athena^us while I fain would twist The tale complete of each Deipnosophist, The joke he laugh'd at, smutty things he said, 345 And bottles emptied ere he went to bed ; Suffice that here, with more than common pains, I give the sum of all that now remains ; How one conceal'd the student in his look, While t'other, somewhat tedious, talk'd his book, 350 Whose thoughts confusion made so fast to slide, He kept a shorthand writer by his side ; How fluent that from Tennyson to quote. Or his dear grandam seen in this to dote ; NOTES. flow of soul," with the, &c., which, with the scraps, I leave to the wits of the Athenaeum. Ver. 341. The Lotos Club,'[ A Society of Gentlemen, most of them en- gaged in Commercial pursuits through the clay, who seek oblivion of their cares in the evening, and, together with supper, partake of the delights of literature. Ver. 343. Like AthencEtcs while I fain would twist Ihe tale complete 0/ each Deipnosophist,\ The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned, by Athenseus, who com- mences with an account of those who were present thereat. Ver. 345. smutty things he said,'] Smut ; the favourite topic. Walpole, the Minister, used to say, that he always introduced it, as that on which all could show their wit, and with which all would 1)6 delighted. 264 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. And, last, Brentano, bird of night, how brought 355 By merit much of his one " Grain of Thought." — NOTES. Ver. 355. Brentano,^ The American Stephanus, Browyer, Bohn, or whatever name of the learned Booksellers, is consonant to his own, and most pleasing to his ears. In this ingenious man the weight of learning has not repressed the elasticity of fancy, of which we have full evidence in the Poem he published lately, occupying, with mottoes, and other Greek and Latin quotations, inclusive of the authorities, twenty-four colunms of the "New- York Times;" a work comparable with the Iliad, or. for the matter of that, with the Odyssey, in which the books are numerically the same, that is, a couple of dozen each. — (This, although actually in print, in which state our Author must have seen it, never came out, after all. Am. Ed.) Jbid. bird of nig hf\ The owl, bird of Athens, (Athenas noctuas,) or of Minerva, typical of the nocturnal, or shall we say, noctual occupa- tions of the sage, and not in any way glancing at that studious cast of the eyes which long poring over the labours of the moderns has given them ; 't is the Laputa physiognomy. Ver. 336. " Grain of Thought.^^\ A poem of Brentano, of which the following is the opening stanza : " Of all that's best, in best supplies Of best of things of merchandise, Of all that's nice And "fair to see," Whatever price 't is said to be, Of all that fascinates the eye, And stops the breath, and draws the sigh From those who hav'nt means to buy. Of all that's known as choice, or rare, Or excellent beyond compare. There's not a single thing that's bought However marvellously wrought. More precious than a Grain of Thought." Nothing in Tennyson to be put into comparison with it. The pity is, that another line was not added, which would have made fourteen, or a Sonnet in itself complete. The much merit ("merit much") of the poem, gave occasion to the election of the author thereof into the Club, nem. d ss. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 265 How dark the stain v/hich that fair tome receives, Which once so beauteous in its tinted leaves ; Those ballet charms, that meretricious frame, With svvclhng pap, and hip, no more tlie same ! 360 Not all that Brougham, Brooks, and Nasby gave Could save them sinking in an early grave ; Far down they went, the artist and his pride, Where Bissell, Boulton, Roosevelt, by their side ; [365 Where Pardee, Peck, and more whose names unknown, That now by fond Oblivion mark'd her own ; Where Lethe smooth on bed of lotos glides, And rest the drowsy in eternal tides. NOTES. Ver. 357. fair tome\ A sumptuous volume, named the Lotos Leaves, the 'exceptional ' merit of which we are the less to wonder at, as it is the joint production of the Wits of the Club. La Bruyere had said. " L'on n'a guere vu jusqu'a present un chef-d'oeuvre d' esprit qui soit I'ouvrage de plusieurs." But the " Leaves " is not a single chef-d'oeuvre, except as to the binding, which is excellent, but a collection of smaller pieces, such as the Ancients were accustomed to compile, an Anthology, or Bouquet de Fleurs. Ver. 359. Those ballet charms^ ^'c.^ The Frontispiece represents a Vir- gin, nymph of the Stream, reclining on leaves of Lotos, with a languishing look, and such a figure as leads to suppose that the choicest of the dancing girls lay for the picture. Ver. 361. Broitg/mm,'] Author of " Pocahontas," a metrical drama, and many other pieces for the stage, but whose chief claim, by far, is that he wrote " London Assurance," which ordinarily passes under the name of Boucicault. Pretenders of this kind are not new in the world ; Thestorides attributed to himself the verses of Homer, and Bathyllus those of Virgil: " Sic vos non vobis." IMITATIONS. Ver. 365. whose names imkiiown. That now by fond Oblivion, &^c.'[ " Nameless in dark oblivion let them dwell." Parad. Lost, B. vi. , v. 380. 266 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV, Memorials all, the minutes all defaced, That but Brentano none the rest had traced. 370 A man whose wisdom in each wink you see, And blest with an amazing memory ; Each author's name who, at the word, can tell, With all the books he wrote, and if they sell. And yet his match in Sabin he had found, 375 In titles, that not Latin, much more sound ; Whose boast at Oxford to have conn'd each rule, For there, in truth, he had been scourged at school. NOTES. Ibid. Brooks,^ This Gentleman, with the half-dozen ;?(7;«('j following immediately after, writers in the Lotos Leaves, I must huddle here together, as a sort oi prolctarii. Ver. 365. Pardee.^ Peck,^ Those who remember how much Virgil has been praised for the skill by which he made the most vulgar sounds har- monious in his numbers, will not overlook the difficulty offered by Pardee, Peck, and the other harsh names here introduced. Am. Ed. Ver. 375. Sabiii\ Joe ; a second-hand dealer, in Nassau street, N. Y. ; where a box of 5c. books outside, invites to a larger supply in the cellar. Consulted, by those who know no better, on editions; and who, lately, giving evidence, as expert, in Court, was graveled by the lawyer, who had asked him to read the title of a book, which, being in Latin, he had good reason for not doing ; in-as-much as it was many years since he had been at Oxford. Ver. 376. In titles.^ that not Latin, much more sound i^ Mr. Sabin, we are told, is only half pleased with this praise, on account of the qualification, as if, in any respect, he were inferior to the other ; which is unreasonable, as Brentano has been vigilant to guard his Latin, unlike Sabin ; according to his favourite motto, nunquam dormio, or, as he de- lights to pronounce it, non cam dormio, I dont nod on Cam : an allusion to the rival university, or that of Cambridge, in.opposition to Oxford, where Sabin was supposed to have studied, iit infra. Sometimes, through a too ambitious display of his learning, Mr. B. too much alters the meaning, as when he wrote, nunquam non dormio. Ver. 377. Oxford^ 'Twas his usual reply, when asked where he had Studied, "at Oxford;" which was very true, for he was at school there; Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 267 But now Brentano aggravates his sins, Much swearing, 'gainst his wont, and thus begins : 380 With haste, I say ; set wide apart the door ; That heap, unsalted, rots upon the floor ; What smeUing strong e'en to the hawker give. And what you buy, hke lobsters see they Hve ; For things that saleable let these make way, 385 And send to " deep damnation " ere their day ; Let Ann street sepulchres a cart-load get. And none but gilded baits by window set. — " To-day, Brentano, doubtless something new ; Or is your New- Year's stock still kept from view ? " 390 This, sir, by latest steamer fresh from sea. The Pope and Gladstone o'er a cup of tea; Please but to read, 'tis all about the Church, And Cardinals, with Pio, in the lurch ; NOTES. though many hastily concluded that he meant the University, where the sons of Gentlemen are sent. Ver. 387. Ann street sepulchres'] In the cellars of this lane, in the lower part of New-York, are the great receptacles for stale books ; a sort of Oblivion in miniature. Ver. 388. gilded baits] Instead of a worm or fly, it has been found sufficient to put on the hook a scrap of tin-foil, or something else equally shining, by which the simple fish are allured, and which they swallow, sup- posing that something of a digestible nature is covered by it. Ver. 392. The Pope, d^^c] As will be seen, by those who read a little farther on, every department has a place in the repositories of Brentano : the Pope represents the ecclesiastical, Gladstone the political, Dixon the scandalous, Tennyson the namby-pamby, and himself, Brentano, the poetical. IM ITATIONS. Ver. 386. " deep datnnation''''] " The deep damnation of his taking-off.'''' Shak. Mac, Act. i., s. 7. 268 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Unless this other more your praises win, 395 Outcast at home, who seeks his next of kin. — The Lotos Leaves ; to nature true each trace ! Yes, Ma'am, by Dixon ; boy, the " Beecher Case." Of Poet Tennyson — just come in time. The only copy left — the " Nursery Rhyme." 400 Myself with verse sometimes at night I lull. When, as our poets prove, the fancy dull. — The, — yes, I think, I, last year, heard the name ; Oblivion, did you call it ? true, the same. A trivial thing, and out of date, I fear, 405 For nothing of that sort outlives the year. You needs must search some antiquarian stock, I never but the newest things unlock ; More likely Miller, as you take the round, Or Scribner, Bouton, may the book have found. 410 NOTES. Ver. 396. Outcast at home, who seeks his next of kin. — ] Mr. Gladstone had, lately, by one of his greatest efforts, put himself out of place in England ; whence forced to take ship for America, in hopes to find support among his next of kin, who there had emigrated, and who, he had heard, were in better circumstances than those at home. A piece of history worthy an additional word, which, if space remain for it, the Reader may find at the end of this Volume, among the Addenda. Ver. 401. Myself with verse sometimes at night T lull. When, as onr poets prove, the fancy dull. — ] *' Visits me slumber itig,''"' are the words of MiLTON, addressing the Muse ; yet has the general opinion been that the morning befriends the poet ; Au- rora Musis arnica ; in which also Brentano appears to have shared, who offers it as an excuse, (though not required,) for the dulness of his lines, that they were written at night, like all other modern poetry, judging from internal evidence. Milton himself has been spoken of as "a little heavy," and, as for the ^^ Nights Thoughts," it is the chief objection against them. Ver. 409. as you take the round,] Rather, \.\\q Row ; as all these Publishers are in the American Pater Noster. Ed. Ath. I Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 269 The " Bullfrog Sketches," sir, perhaps you'll buy, Which all the learned praise, and which do I ; Or Warner's " Saunterings," with Boston things. And verses such as her own Trowbridge sings ? Athenean Boston, still the great delight 415 Of all that read the stupid, and that write. What lumber, last, so difficult to lift. Which thrice already from the tackle slipt ? Late claim'd by Dixon, which Magruder's once, (From this to that, 'tis all the same, a dunce,) 420 These Athenaeums, sots were wont to seek To near Oblivion all which sent each week, NOTES. Ver. 411. The ^^ Bullfrog Sketches^^^\ By The Mark Twain. Ver. 413. Warner'' s\ Chas. D. "Saunterings," " Badeck," "Back Log," and the "Levant." Ibid. Boston things,'] " Boston Notions," I believe it is; for I had just but time to see it, ifl passing. Ver. 414. Trowbridge] Jno. T. Author of " Other Poems, vv'ith the Emigrant ; " of " Other Poems, with the Vagabond ;'''' and of "Cou- pon Bonds, with Pictures.'''' Ver. 415. Athenean Boston,] It has been the pride of the people of this town of Trade, and of Tricks of Trade, to call it the modern Athens ; from acknowledged merit of a number of declaimers, poetasters, and other writers, their fellow money-makers. To the ancient Athens we owe all that is noble In the arts, grand on the stage, and great in the assembly, with whatever is admirable in life; to the modern, all that is ingenious in nutmegs, nasal in the pulpit, and fanatic in the " Hall," with whatever is hypocritical in man- ners : all which Boston has, and, as her own Webster expressed it, " no one can take them from her." Ver. 419. Magr!ider''s] For this name, as applied to one of the former editors of the Athenneum, see Bulwer's " Paul Clifford." Ver. 420. From this to that^ ''tis all the same., a dunce,] " Moribus antiquis stat Roma." 270 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. In times far distant rose a Scene to view, Where Greece long proud in all the Arts she drew, Where with Minerva seen the Muse to sit, 425 And melody disdain'd not aid from wit ; Contrived the poet, spoke his truths the sage, And each lent lustre to a glorious age. Alas ! what change when Time completes the work, Defiled, dismantled, and on guard the Turk, 430 With ordure noisome, spread with weed the walls, There next the bat, and there the viper crawls. The pilfer'd name to distant climes convey'd, And set where Dulness plies a busy trade ; Where wit nor wisdom, save what best may bend 435 Much ductile falsehood to a gainful end ; NOTES. Ver. 422. 7tear Oblivion^ 'Tis but a step ; straight down to the Thames : you can't miss it. From the door of the Athenaeum to the Thames, down Wellington street, is but a block and a half. Am. Ed. Ver. 425. IVkere with Minerva seen the Muse to j//,] In Athens was a place of instruction named the Athenreum, frequented by Philosophers and Poets alike, but sacred especially to the Goddess of Wis- dom, the guide in every department of knowledge. Am. Ed. Ver. 433. The pilfer'' d naine'\ The Athenaeum. To what vile uses are we put ! Byron, who inveighed against the " paltry Antiquarian" who had despoiled Athens of her monuments, would not have left without notice the sacrilegious Thief, who stole away the tablet from one of her Temples, and set it, for a sign, over the door of his shop ; a place dedicated to Gain, an employment, among the Ancients, consigned to Slaves, and thus excluded from among those arts they called the Liberal. Atheiiieum, a title consigned to dulness by anticipation, as there had been a previous journal of that name. Ver. 434. where Dubiess plies a busy trade ;'\ It is worthy of remark that, in the Temple of Dulness, Addison placed Industry at the right hand of the Deity. " There is not in nature," said another elegant English writer, " a busier animal than a blockhead." Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 271 And toil whose duty daily to declaim 'Gainst each the great, and bar the gates to fame ; Where Dixon gives the word, and round him lurk Retainers ready for his dirty work ; 440 A tippling tribe, and greasy sans-culotte, At elbows out, and button'd to the throat : Her owl alone of great Athena found, Snakes hissing hateful, and but stench around. NOTES. Ver. 436. a gainful end ;'\ That charlatan, Silk Buckingham, laid the base of this besutted shop, of which he seems to have been so much ashamed, that, after a short trial, he * sold out ' to one Dilke, who, indiffe- rent as to the rest, and, in default of other sciences, understanding political economy, kept an eye to business, and secured all that gain which arises from ill-paid labour and high prices ; 3d. at first, for what you can buy at a penny, before the week is out, as waste paper. Ver. 440. Retainers ready for his dirty work ;'\ In all parts of this Poem, the Author, as the Reader cannot fail to have remarked, has still kept within the limits of decorum, and never given way to harsh expressions ; indulging himself simply in a goodhumoured raillery, as in the present instance : unlike others, as Mr. Charles Reade, for instance, wlio, under great provocation, no doubt, has thus .spoken of one of the Gen- tlemen of the Athenseum : " A reptile, a pseudonymuncle, one in your pay, a man that has not a character to lose, nor a name that can be lowered, a trick.ster, a scurrilous skunk ; " which last expression he could not possibly improve upon ; a single skunk, (horresco referens,) being sufficient to give a bad odour to an entire parish. Am. Ed. Ver. 441. A tippling tribe,\ See, in Book ii, v. 388, Note, what Miss Braddon has said of them ; for I am loath to disparage them myself Caesar came sober to the ruin of the Republic, unlike Sylla ; of whom also it was Caesar himself who remarked, literas nescivit : in this respect likewise resembling those destroyers m the Republic of Letters, who are at once sots and illiterate. Ver. 442. buttoned to the throat .'] To conceal the neglects of the laundress. 272 THE OBLIVIAU. Book IV. The task complete, from many hands it came, 445 And some the praise supphed, and some the blame ; The lumpish one, and one the flimsy part ; But this the venom for the midnight dart ; While flippant, fatuous, a dozen bore, The padding and the stiff as many more ; 450 The trite, the trivial these ; but Dixon sole His famed immoral found, and mix'd the whole. NOTES. Ver. 445. The task complete, from many hands it came,] To please authors is no easy undertaking ; for what is said in praise of one, the other commonly applies to himself as a censure. In this way it is that, having quoted some passages, with a design to exalt them, from Dickens, Braddon, Carlyle, and Trollope, I am forced, in order to escape the resent- ment of the Athenteum, and possibly a spiteful review, to quote this also, though much pressed for space, and leaving out many things in consequence. Gems from the Athen^um. " Should be either conventional or naturalistic. Conventionalized heads, where notiiing natural is intended." "Being made up in the very best style, it has achieved a remarkable success." " To carry out the laudable idea." " Light and yet grave ; readable in style ; kindly instincts ; — no amount of subsequent denial. — Genius is a sham. — Brought together between the covers of a volume. ' ' &c. "How the author can possibly keep his pot of words boiling much longer." " If the age has grown too picked." I must here apologize, as well to the Athenseum and others, as to the Reader, on account of the paucity of these extracts, and the want of care in selecting them, since much finer specimens could have been found ; all those transcribed having been taken, to save time, from the first that came to hand, on lifting. Ver. 452. His famed immoral] There has been a great outcry against our imm-oral, as it is called, when we but drew the picture, and held up the mirror to nature, naked, and as we descried it ; that which is the proper Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/3 A ghastly crew whom urgent Famine calls, They gnaw a week on ev'ry book which falls ; From mangled carcasses snatch each a slice, 455 And Moloch glad with human sacrifice ; Round authors' necks who taught the rope to stretch, Much fear'd and hooted children of Jack Ketch. But hear, young sinner ; soon on Hepworth call, At once, judge, jury. Ketch and Calcraft all ; 460 NOTES. office of the historian, in whom no part, necessarily, rests of the vices he explores. He who follows truth, may at last find himself in the resorts of the infamous, like a dog that traces a badger to his hole, instinctively, though disliking the odour. Which puts us in mind that tliere is a class of people with noses so delicate, that they would rather permit the pollution to remain, than make the air noisome in the attempt to remove it, and who would class such writings as ours with those smells used by night-men, that are themselves a greater stench than any they correct, how putrescent soever. To which we desire simply to subjoin, that, as some of the most dangerous poisons lie concealed under the most inviting names, as sugar of lead, ruine of opium, oil of almonds, it occurred to us, in order to gull the fastidious, to use the artifice of describing under the name of spiritual^ practices that written of in ordinary phrases, would have brought upon us a descent from the police, and a prosecution from the Society for suppression of indecent publications: for the Public, it may be remarked, would be glad enough of the end, though they cannot endure the means, or him who makes trial of them ; who thus may lose his place as Editor, and be forced to write novels, with so little of the old spice as to be insipid and unsale- able. Eu. Ath. Ver. 456. And Moloch glad with human sacrifice ;] lyioloch was the deity of the Ammonites, who sacrificed human victims lie- fore his image, a monstrous mixture of man and calf. To drown the cries of those there tortured, they kept up a noise with a sort of drum. Ver. 458. Jack Ketch.\ For a more particular account of this Gentleman, vid. supra, 1. iv., v. 70. Ver. 459. young sinner ;] " Committing the sin of Rhyme," is a quotation which must be familiar to all students of modern literature. Dry- den has the expression, " Commit the crime of Prefaces." 12* 274 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Be cautious first, and, hid your real contempt, Send simply in your card with compliment ; Nor ready cash, nor hint at bills or banks ; He'd rather spare you at the drop for thanks, And, in cosmeticks more than Rachel clever, 465 Make your last verses " beautiful for ever." NOTES. Ver. 460. CalcrafP^ For a more particular account of this Gen- tleman, vid. supra^ 1. iv., v. 70. Ver. 464. spare you at the drop'\ " A man may be capable, as Jack Ketch's wife said of his servant, of a plain piece of work, a bare hanging ; but to make a malefactor die sweetly, was only belonging to her husband." Drvden, Piose Works. By Malone. v. iii. p. 188. Ibid. spare you at the drop for thanks,^ It is to be understood, however, that the clothes, and other exuviae, as the books, of the con- demned, are, and always have been, by prescription, the perquisite of the Executioner. In proof of which, and also to throw light on a few of the lines last afore going, I desire to quote a passage from Shakespeare, Hen. iv. , a. I., s. 2. " Fal. Shall I ? O rare ! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge. P. Hen. Thou judgest false already ; I mean, thou slialt have the hang- ing of the thieves, and so become a rare hangman. Fal. Well, Hal, well ; and in some sort it jumps with my humour, as veil as waiting in the court, I can tell you. P. Hen. For obtaining of suits ? Fal. Yea, for obtaining of suits ; whereof the hangman hath no lean wardrobe." Ver. 465. more than Rachel clever, \ Rachel. A woman, at this particular time, infamous for impositions on credulous people of fashion, to whom, for enormous sums paid.^ she pro- mised, among other great things, to make them "beautiful forever." Her shop was in Bond street, London. Am. Ed. After sojourning five years in the Penitentiary, she again opened shop, with her old arts, and a new stock of phrases ; for now she engaged to " renovate," and, (in each case for cash in advance,) to " finish " the ladies : a darijig genius, who has opened the way again to Marlborough street, and h'ft the throng for another term. ' Am. Ed. 15ook IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/5 O, thou the Hght and lantern of our days, E'en Hepworth, hear me while I chaunt thy praise ; Inverter various of the sacred laws Which morals dictate, and the critic draws, 470 From depths of Tartarus here lifted high, And held to an eternal infamy. A daring genius, Dixon leaves the throng. And finds more glaring methods to be wrong ; NOTES. Ver. 466. viake your last verses '■'' beaiUiftiV^ " Tyburn's elegiac lines" ; those pathetic verses with which, on so thread- bare a topic, poets find much difficulty, and which, in the present instance, Hepworth, as supposed, embellished for nothing. Ver. 467. lantern of 07ir days,^ Mr. Dixon may, perhaps, imagine, (since none are so apprehensive of cen- sure, as those who most make use of it themselves,) that this lantern is in- tended disrespectfully, as presenting a dim and greasy image to the fancy. To remove all suspicion of which sort, I desire to explain that I use the the word archaically^ as found in Putnam, his Arte of Poesie, wherein we read, " I repute them for the two chief lanterns of light to all others that have since embloyed their pennes, &c. " ; meaning no less peoj^lc than .Surrey and Wyat. Vkr. 469. Iniierter various, cS^r. ] The wife of Caesar should not only be undeserving of suspicion, but free from it. Unfortunately, by this rule, for the chastity of Dixon's page, it has not escaped question, for which see advertisement in Athenxum, December, 1868: " Eclecting Debating Society, Thursday, Dec. roth, 1S68. Subject : That Hepworth Dixon's writings do not exert an injurious influence. Af- firmative, Mr. J. B. Porter; Negative, Mr. B. Thomas." Ver. 471. From depths of Tartarus'] It would appear by these verses, as if Tartarus and Olilivion were the same, which is contrary to all truths of Mythology. The Scientific, therefore, are inclined to conjecture that the grapnel must accidentally have slipt aside, and dropped into this other Pit, which is also in the centre : a place ofDarknes.s, where the unjust, tyrannical, and immoral, of mankuul, suffer a peri)etual punishment. Ver. 474. finds more glaring methods to be tvrong ;] This is the reward one gets for originality, which some of th^ most inge- nious authors have sought in paradox, or that which is opposed to common 276 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Affects to doubt what all the studious know, 475 And what most fix'd hi usage overthrow ; By bad example, teacher to rebel, In style best named the anti- classical : NOTES. opinion, and is but obviously false. What we have done for literature, it is true, we have done for morals, laboured to instruct liy new methods, and bring finally to what is right, by conducting through what is ' wrong.' For as fable allures the reader, and, unexpectedly, deceives him to his own good, in the end, (which, according to Aristotle, we desire to see in all things, and whereon the mind naturally rests,) so, in like manner, does the scandalous, which by attracting at first, serves the indispensable purpose of engaging the attention, (for where is the use of writing, if you are not read,) until, when the prostitute appears, and things are brought to the worst, instruc- tion comes in of its own accord, or insidiously, which is the beauty of it, for then it is less repugnant to the reader, especially if he be young, who would never have gone through the book, or would only have tossed it aside contemptuously, as a sermon, if we had proceeded in the old tvay. The under-current is pure ; like the waters of our own Thames, from which you have but to remove the dead dogs, vi'ith filth of all sorts, and to pass it through a strainer, when you obtain a draught perfectly clear, and which was only defiled, temporarily, by things adven'titious : every reader supply- ing his own filter. Besides, there is an analogy in all nature; whence it is that we derive the richest fruits from those trees we had dunged industri- ously, as we do that exquisite perfume the ambergris from what in reality is but feces. So that, since out of excrement the most delicious things may be elaborated, thus also, for instance, out of the most impure of what we have digested in our books, may an essence be separated, without adultera- tion, and then sold as ' Extracts' from Dixon. Wherefore, by the rule here laid down, Swift should not have turned up his nose, or complained of the intolerable stench, in the laboratory of Laputa, where, out of human dung, the chymist was endeavouring to extract human sustenance; or, this Satirist affect to condemn our labours, which, in fact, are entitled to so much the more praise in proportion as they are the more immoral, and thus contain in themselves all the materials for instruction, or the moral itself, in the epic manner. Ed. Ath. Ver. 478. the anti-classical f\ Tlie infra classem included the dregs of the populace, as also the rabble of writers. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 277 True learning humbles, and then makes comply All else, debased to a democracy ; 480 In pamphlet last year which profusely shown, When Candidate and kick'd of Marrow-bone ; Still bent on some vile method to insist, As late at Liverpool, where he was hist. Too modest maid, with Taste averse to wed, 485 He keeps some Spiritual wench instead ; Discards at pleasure, then a new one takes. Nor other rule allows than what he makes ; 'Twixt thought and language asks for a divorce. Rejects all grace, of fluent stays the course ; 490 Uncouth, ihiterate, constrain'd, brings in. And makes, with untuned bells, a deaf'ning din. NOTES. Ver. 481. In pamphlet last year ivhich profusely showit,^ And in Advertisement, Speech, and Handbill. He suborned, it is supposed, one Spencer to write him a Note, asking, if, ift case he should be requested, he would stand Candidate for a seat in Parliament. Hepworth, in a very round-a-bout sort of reply, is of opinion that the Constituency is of great importance, the Member of very little; thinks himself a suitable man; is for being paid ; descants on purity ; and, to end, begs leave to decline what was never offered. However, that was in harlot fashion ; he gave way to persuasion, afterwards. Ver. 482. When candidate and kick' d^&-c.'\ Bad grammar; read rather, candidate of, and kick'd /;-c7w. y,V). Ath Ibid. Marrow -bone,'\ Thus, as pronounced ; Mary-le-bone, as written. Am. Ed. Ver. 484. As late at Liverpool^ where he was hist.\ At the Dickens banquet. I can vouch for it ; for I was one of the hissers. IMITATIONS. Ver. 492. 7)takes, with untimed bells, a deaf'ning din.] "Tot pariter pelves, tot tintinnalnila dicas ^"'''^"■" Juvenal. Sat. vi., v. 440. 278 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. The undigested mass, conception crude, The stunted sentence, and expression rude, Toss'd with much more, in him that sort of hash, 495 In rhetoric, which styled the balderdash. Finds out some flaw by special pleader's art, Laborious dull in a neglected part, Who vain to show what groped for in the dark, By hired assistance of a Lawyer's Clerk, 500 NOTES. Ver. 495. that sort of hash, i^^c.^ He has lately taken to writing novels, where all these beauties of style have place, and thrown himself into that last ditch of a desperate and discarded scribbler. Ibid. sort of hash ^\ Variety, which is the spice of life, as also of literature, this critick^ shall we now call him, here objects against, as just above he did against our originality, for the reason, we suppose, that our writings are so much the more unlike his own, entirely deficient, as they are, of both the one and the other. Ed. Ath. Ver. 500. By hired assistance of a Laivyer''s Cler/c,^ Dixon employed a certain obscure person, sometimes lawyer's clerk, to make those researches he boasts of, in the life of Penn ; mere mechanical labour. " Transcribe the passages," said Dixon to him, "where Penn's way of walk- ing is described, his clothes, and his shape ; his wig, his table, with the con- tents of the kitchen, and of the outhouse." This fellow, being very illite- rate, sometimes spelling /'«•««; sometimes. Fen, and sometimes /V««^; he was sent back to correct it, and then made the discovery that Penn always used the apocope, in writing his name, P, e, double n, Penn. — De plus, Penn did not go to Kippen, as Macaulay states ; but Kippen went to Pen : tout le coiitraire. — These are Dixon's wonderful corrections; to wiiich Ma- caulay might well forbear a reply, calling to mind what Gibbon said to Davies, " a victory over such an antagonist was sufficient mortification." As the Reader has seen, I am willing to allow Dixon the praise he deserves ; but as to raising his eyes above the dust, and his proper level, Ne sutor tcltra crepidam. Ibid. a La7tn'er''s Clerk,'\ An obscure person ; our amanuensis, used to take off the pain of writing, and tiie drudgery of research. P'or when one of this description brings home his work, we glance over it, and, after a few disparaging phrases, and strokes of the pen, bid him call at the desk, Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/9 Mid musty records, rubbish, sent to seek. Well paid at 30^, by the week : To print commits what better left unknown, And to long buried trash subjoins his own. But see where, hideous from refuse and weed, 505 Next his own preface Dixon pilloried. Your ink, reviewers, yours, ye bootblacks, bring, Your eggs, ye rabble, at the shameless fling ; With " Wives," with " Mormons," deepen the disgrace, And leave no spot unpelted in his face. 5^0 The vulgar procuress who vends her doves, Shuts in each secret of polluted loves. NOTES. for payment. Upon which we make it an entirely new thing, and, cutting out passages, transpose, or otherwise wrong write the wliole, so completely, that the lawyer's clerk could not swear to his own brief. Ed. Ath. Ver. 505. But see where^ hideous from refuse and weed ^ Next his o%vn preface Dixon pilloried.\ A poetical mode of expressing that our portrait was placed as the frontispiece to our book. However, lest any one should understand this passage literally, that we stood in the pillory, it is already disproved beyond contradiction, as that engine was not in use in our days. Ed. Ath. Ver. 506. Dixon pilloried.] As many, doubtless, have never seen the obsolete pillory, it may be described as a sort of frame, in .which the head and hands of the culprit were locked, in such a manner that he stood exposed to the gaze of the crowd, who, in addition to jests and taunts, were permitted to fling at him filth, rotten eggs, and whatever defiled without doing bodily hurt : A sort of rude Satire, in fact, the privileges of which our Author has used in supposing Dixon pilloried in his own frontispiece, for some shameless act, as it was chiefly to punish such, that this engine was invented ; where pelted by the rabble w ilh his own books, and reviewers' ink, over-and-above the ordinary missiles. Am. Ed. Ver. 509. IVith " IVives^ ' with *^ Mormons,'"] Names of filthy books written by Dixon. 28o THE OBLIVIAD, Book IV. Where the lone temple in some silent shade, And drives a gainful but a modest trade ; To common decency knows something due, 5 1 5 And what the public and police may do ; Along the wall the various Venus paints, Benighted soul, who sets not there the ' Saints,' No texts adduces, boasts no godly guides, But owns that wicked ev'ry deed she hides : 520 A proper person, that is, for a punk, Who but to drown remorse gets sometimes drunk. The vulgar thus ; but, with the march of time. The Gospel shewn to sanctify the crime ; lllauded Hepworth takes you to the door, 525 Where but to pray, and kneel beside your ; NOTES. Ver. 513. Where the lone temple in some silent shade,^ Where such places are situated in the present day, I am constrained to confess I do not know ; since my researches on the topic have carried me down no later than the date of Petronius, who was decoyed into a -blind alley ; " locum secretiorem,'" as he calls it. '* Tarde, immo jam sero intel- lexi me in fornicem esse deductum." Ver. 525. lllatided Hcpivorth\ Certain of the early Grammarians thought Virgil censurable in applying the term illaudatus to Busiris, as too feeble for one so detestable. " Quis aut Eurysthea durum, Aut illaudati nescit Busiridis aras?" Geor. , Lib. iii., v. 4. Gellius, however, defends the poet ; maintaining that, as inculpatus is appli- cable to the last degree of virtue, so is illaudatus to the same degree of villany. But, be this as it may, the word is here peculiarly suited to one acting in the capacity hinted at, which, by its nature, excludes all com- mendation ; for whatever may be the pleasure of praise, I do not suppose that any one would liUe to be told, in public, that he is an excellent pimp. Ou/c e(TTtv ouBev rex'^^^v i^wKfarepou TOV TTOpVofijffKOV. Leonia arte nulla pestilentior pote inveiiiri. DlFHlLUS. Frag. Com. Grtec. Meineke. v. iv. p. 415. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 28l On consecrated cushion naught amiss, And but imprinted the " seraphic kiss," Your once wife sHghted, now all laws above Save hymeneals of the " perfect love," 53^ With " spiritual bride," if joys you steal, 'Tis but to feel before what angels feel. And Man thus seen in his " superior phase" ! And, Dixon, these the teachings of our days ! NOTES. Ver. 530. Save hynneiieals of the ^^ perfect love"'\ There are many varieties of these sects, besides such as Revelation is daily disclosing to the Religious; among which may be mentioned, "The Full Satisfactionists," " The Entire Satisfaction Religionists," " The Free Lovists," "The Perfect Lovists," and the '* Celibate Lovists." Ver. 531. With '"'' spiritual bride''^ if joys you steal,^ These joys are not carnal, but inexplicable; for which the Reader cannot fail to remember that I prepared him, in a learned note, at the very begin- ning of this Work, that he might carry it in his head all along to the end ; ' quamvis spirituali, et plane inenarrabili, non autem corporali modo ; ' not corporally, but in a spiritual and inexpressible manner. So that, although a couple may be caught, as it were, flagranti delicto, in that is no proof, for the cohabitation may be but spiritual ; of which history furnishes us a suffi- cient instance : " Disdaining an ignominious flight, the virgins of the warm climate of Africa encountered the enemy in the closest engagement ; they permitted priests and deacons to share their bed, and gloried amid the flames of their Jinsiillied purity." GiBBON, Hist., cap. XV. — In which if there be not a sufficient defence of Mr. Dixon and "his fair pupils," I de- sire to be informed if it can be found in his researches on Penn, without an e final. Ver. 533. And Man tints seen in his " superior phase" fl " Man in his higher phase has hardly come within the grasp of science, and the histories which shall illustrate his spiritual passions have yet to be com- piled. One chapter, (in two volumes,) in one such history, is diffidently offered in the present work." — Preface to " Spiritual Wives." — And what follows, dare we ask, this "higher phaze"? An image, vi-ith the ventus textilis drawn tight over it, of debauchery, assuming the appearance, and blasphemously arrogating the sanction and name, of sanctity. Are we a ua- 282 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Was 't not enough of Newgate sights to tell, 535 But strumpet must succeed the criminal ! NOTES. tion of fools ? nothing of the sort ; as Dixon well knew, who judiciously judged us a people taking a pleasure in scandal of our neighbours, and not averse to certain prurient descriptions, under cover. Sneak into a friend's house in the garb of religion ; kneel and pray, for in that is nothing wrong, with his wife ; arouse in her '•'• spiritual passions," and gratify them car- nally, which was your aim from the first : such is the higher phase, and such the diffidence of this instructive author. "Relations of the sexes," forsooth; "their affinities;" "union of two souls;" "purity" and "spiritual wedlock," "male and female " ; "young and handsome;" "female loveliness;" the "relation became so far carnal;" "found in Sophia Cook, one of his fair disciples, a kinship of soul which he had failed to find in his own wedded wife" : all this, and a great deal more, given with that " philosophic tolerance " which becomes the " historian." I lately chanced to see in a Catalogue a description of the "Spiritual Wives," drawn up by one who evidently knew well what the attractions are of this book, and how to set them off ; it ran thus : The Junker Hof, the AngePs Message, Seraphim Kisses, Hasse Mucker, the Spiritual Wives of the Alormons, the Abodes of Love, Mystic Nuptials, &c., &c. 2 vols. 8vo, portrait of the Author. That potent disinfectant Carbolic Acid, which, by an awful effluvium, overpowers some other poison, I fear is not stinking enough to deaden the influence of this pestilential heap, and must wait for something in Dixon himself, (for of his abilities I have the highest opinion,) when, as Junius expresses it, "he shall have arrived at that maturity of corruption when the worst examples cease to be contagious." This is the one art of Dixon: he insinuates, under specious names, the • most revolting particulars, as in his late work, the " White Conquest ; " in which he "examines tlie interesting problem of the Whites on the American Continent ; " an inquiry which leads him into the resorts of the outcasts of society, whom he describes in the midst of their diabolical vices : a book that can only serve to seduce the unsuspecting, or to pander to vile tastes, which yet the fellow commences, in his abstract way, with a dissertation that seems to be " on a future state," for such is his expression. Ver. 535. Newgate sights\ For Dixon wrote also "London Prisons," with descriptions, con amore, of the felons he there became acquainted with, and some hanging scenes. Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 283 With mangled merit violate the view. Sit judge unjust, but taint our morals too ! Hand me the scourge ; ha ! hear the culprit roar, I'll make that Marsyas himself less sore, 540 NOTES. Ver. 538. Sit judge tinjust, but taint our morals too ! Hand me the scoter ge ;] The Author obviously signifies, that hitherto he had used but the rod, (such as seen depicted on the cover of this volume,) but that now he de- manded the lash^ to equal the punishment with the offence, or that against morals, so much a graver one than that against taste simply : "Adsit Regula, peccatis quae poenas irroget sequas : Nee scutica dignum, horribili sectere flagello." HoR. Sat. Lib. i. S. 3. v. 117. Am. Ed. Ver. 540. Marsyas^ There is much instruction in this story of Marsyas ; who picked up the pipe flung away by Minerva, a deity too wise for things of mere sound, and authoress of the proverb, " as much brains as a piper." However, Marsyas was so much admired on account of the novelty of his performance, that nothing would do but he must challenge Apollo, who, on his defeat, flayed him alive, (as above,) and hung up his hide, as a warning to the presumptuous, who, by bringing in something novel, please for awhile, until the more natural notes, such as played by Apollo, get the permanent preference. Nor is the fable altogether inapplicable to the Gen- tleman I am here complimenting, who has endeavoured to introduce some- thing new, to the subversion of every sound, although old-fashioned prin- ciple. Further : Since in many of the cities of Antiquity, the figures of Apollo and Marsyas were set at the entrance of the places of Justice, all I would IMITATIONS. Ver. 539. ha! hear the culprit roar ; Pll make that Marsyas himself less sore ;] " Clamanti cutis est summos derepta per artus: Nee quicquam, nisi vulnus, erat. Cruor undique manat," Ovid. Met. Lib. vi., v. 387. From him, yet yelling, all the hide was cut. Till bled but one wide wound from head to foot. 284 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. Lay livid bare, and next renew the pain, Till ev'ry cicatrix has bled again, NOTES. ask here, in the end, is, that at the door of every Critick Court in these Realms, the image of Dixon be set up, with mine, in the attitude of scourg- ing him, beside it ; or, if this be thought too much, that this book be kept inside, in a conspicuous place. Ver. 541. Lay livid bare,"] Barbarous usage, I hear some one exclaim; flay a man alive! Against which I am ready to defend myself on the au- thority of the Ancients ; that is to say, on ancient authority, the basis itself of law. Zoilus was pelted, not with his own books, as Hepworth, but with stones, exposed on the cross, or, as some report, burned alive; and he de- served it. Advertisement. — Of course, the Reader understands, that no such per- son as Dixon, with his aliases, herein so often spoken of, ever lived, at least that the Author is aware of; a character in which is such an assem- blage of dishonesty, ignorance, malice, and immorality, with other qualifi- cations, as proves that it is entirely imaginary. On which account, if any person should really now be living, with this name, as it is quite a vulgar one, he is to apply to himself as much of the description as actually suits him, and leave the rest to some one more deserving thereof, if such can be found. When Swift published his Travels, a real Lemuel Gulliver was heard of, who had lost his cause in Court, by reason of his ill-reputation of a liar: and, indeed, let one draw ever so irregular (not to say vicious) a character, someone appears who lives up to the description, and acts what the other wrote, or, even, out of vanity of parts, surpasses it ; so that, we are to apprehend, if such a man as Hep Dix is not amongst us already, he soon will be, and I shall thus be the means of bringing him to light. It has been remarked that the example of suicide is contagious : nor is it improba- ble that, had I reported the fictitious Dix to have hanged himself, that the real one, if on earth, would do the same. But to set aside Hep Dix; Tom, Dick, Sala, Swinl)urne, Carlyle, Brown- ing, and Buchanan, are creatures so far out of nature, or so fantastic and ridiculous, that the Reader must long ago have found that the Obliviad is but a thing of the fancy ; a sort of romance, to catch the public favour ; and that no such persons ever existed, or could have existed. That such a receptacle as Oblivion has a place in the Creation, common discourse suf- Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 285 ficiently testifies, and equally so that people fall into it, and, occasionally, are taken out ; but that people of the kind here described, men and women, with such works as they are reported to have written, and of which pre- tended extracts are given ; that these, I say, were ever seen to tumble therein, or to be taken therefrom, no one is expected to believe : history, natural, civil, or literary, has no record of such. END OF BOOK THE FOURTH. THE OBLIVIAD. Supplement to Book the Fourth. BY THE AMERICAN EDITOR. BUT, for his much deserving, kick'd from place, Who, justly, deem'd an honour his disgrace. Through Scythian whence, Teutonic scenes, made roam, He finds Manhattan shortest road to home ; NOTES. Ver. I. kick' li front place,'] That is, dismissed from the Athenseum, of which he was Editor up to the time this Satire was sent to the Printer. Immediately upon which, not only was the entire impression destroyed, and Dickens hastily removed, but the form of the Athenaeum, with paper and letter, were changed ; in every way to avoid the blow, and indicate mechanically, as it wei'e, that the concern was begun de novo^ and with a new stock of principles ; something like the re- novations in other retail places, when a manager of no good repute has been dismissed, and inferior goods, of the shoddy sort perhaps, had otherwise in- jured the business. Am. Ed. Ver. 2. Who, justly, deeni'd an honour his disgrace^ A difference: one side was of opinion that Hepworth was unworthy of the Athenaeum ; the other, that the Athenaeum was unworthy of him, and that he was a gainer by the loss. Am. Ed. Ver. 3. Through Scythian ivhence, Teutonic scenes, made roam,] Mr. Dixon has lately been sojourning in Russia and Germany, and is now 288 THE OBLIVIAD. Supp. Where, under cover of the night, he strays, 5 And gives a pubHc lecture in our praise ; Is feasted, fed, sinister in saloons, And scraps of manners steals, default of spoons. Then backwards sneaks, with privilege of spy, Writes " Notes," like Dickens, and in each a lie ; 10 NOTES. actually in our midst ; which point I suppose to be somewhere in the neigh- bourhood of the Tombs; and, nightly, issuing thence, gives his " experience," in the manner of other penitents, at Camp Meetings, Conventicles, and elsewhere. Am. Ed. Ver. io. " Notes," like Dickens,] The title of Dickens' volume of scandal, " American Notes for General Circulation." Am. Ed. Ibid. Mr. Dixon has a twofold purpose, to pick up as many of our green- backs as chance to drop in his way, or lie careless in our pockets, and forge "Notes" on his return; but this latter part of his business he might do without all this trouble of coming here, as we may see in the following, taken from the Pall Mall Gazette : " Mr. Hepworth Dixon and the Mormons. — We recorded the other evening a stray piece of news which probably attracted little attention in England, but which if it fell into the hands of a quick American writer, might be made the basis of a very interesting work. As it is very short we may venture to I'epeat it: — ' Six hundred and fifty Mormon emigrants sailed from Liverpool on Saturday for the Salt Lake, by way of New-York. A large proportion of the emigrants were women.' Any American bookmaker who wished to do a clever thing had only to go to Liverpool after reading this paragraph, and there make inquiries about the Mormons. He would probably be referred to Wales, and if he pursued his journey thither, he would soon discover that he had hit upon the large training ground of Mor- mondom. He would find that we rear the followers of Brigham Young, and that America gets the credit of them. A thrilling picture of the frightful state of social life in Great Britain might be drawn from the presence among us of strange sects. Wales is a great deal nearer to the heart of England than Salt Lake or Oneida Creek is to anything which deserves to be called American ; and an enterprising traveller, gifted with a lithe and sinewy style, might easily delude a portion of his countrymen into the belief that the Mormon nursery in Wales can be safely taken as an example of the relations which exist between the sexes all over the country. If he did this, Supp. THE OBLIVIAD. 289 Forgets the food that eaten off our plates, And sacred law of household violates ; Burlesques our kindness with malicious glee, And shows what snobs republicans can be. Nor, sure, neglects to give the scandal place, 15 Two bulky volumes to the Beecher case ; With Spiritual plan beguiles the view, And writes how Pilgrim pastors wont to woo. At first you'd say there was no hint of sin ; So slily Tilton and the " Club " brought in ; 20 No carnal heat, but ardour of the soul, And mystic meaning to disguise the whole; Till, by degrees, disclosed to ev'ry eye That holy leer is naught but lecher}^ ; And that thin web which o'er the couple cast, 25 No more a veil than Vulcan's net at last. NOTES. and did it well, he would desei've to be considered a very ' smart ' man, for — to use a common phrase — he would have paid us back in our own coin. We send shiploads of Mormons to America, and then write books to prove that Mormonism is the natural fruit of the loose principles which prevail in America." Am. Ed. Ver. 18. Pilgi'im pastors'] Alludes to the Church of the Pilgrims, of which Ward Beecher is Pastor. Am. Ed. Ver. 20. Tilton and the ^'- Clnb'"\ A club of gentlemen, said Mr. Tilton, with "lady waiters." Am. Ed. Ver. 26. Vulcan''s iiet\ This relates to the adultery of Mars and Venus ; which, it appears, being suspected by the husband Vulcan, he secretly surrounded the couch with a net, and feigned a visit to some friends, at a distance. The guilty pair, therefore, thinking all secure, no sooner lay down than they were entrapped, and remained unconscious of their position, until daylight, when Apollo told Vulcan ; who made a great noise among the gods, and demanded redress. The gods, at first, were only in- clined to laugh at him, and enjoyed the spectacle mightily, with the jokes of Mercury; until Neptune, an elderly peisonage, calling him aside, re- 13 290 THE OBLIVIAD. Supp. quested him to cut the net, and that he would go security for the damages. These, I fear, were never paid ; however, my business here at present is, to draw attention simply to the net, which was of a Coati, or cobweb texture, (words having the root in co.) 'tjvt' apdxvta Keirra, and, instead of concealing anything, which was never intended, served only to expose everything. Copies of the Paper containing the account, in full, of this famous in- trigue, printed in the language of the gods, may be had at almost any stall you come to, except one of Smith's. Throughout all the writings of the Ancients, one character is still present, that of a moral concealed in a fable ; the whole is apologue. In this view, examining the story before us, we cannot adipit the censures cast upon it by Scaliger, and others, as if there were any thing in it which should have been kept from the public eye. This motive, indeed, might have been alleged in the instance of other nations, but not as against us, who have a/ree press, and are accustomed to crim. con. trials, with verbatim reports of them, couch and keyhole. Independent of which, if there be any evil in the mat- ter, we must take care that, in removing it, we run no risk of causing a greater, and even of endangering the lives of no inconsiderable body of the Public ; I niean, especially, those who live on scandal, and those who make a living by inventing, reporting, printing, publishing, selling, and hawking it. But the great consideration is the inoi'al, as Mr. Dixon teaclies us. The fable turns, as we have seen, on adultery, a common accident in all coun- tries. Vulcan typifies the clumsy industrious man of business, manufacturer, or Member of Parliament ; Mars the loitering shapely soldier, pleasing to the ladies, and, except slaying, whose sole occupation is gallantry; and Venus, the beautiful wife, redolent of Paplios, who is visited by Mars, in the absence of her husband. The invisible web signifies the spies, or detec- tives ; and Apollo the clear daylight thrown upon the whole action, seen by Vulcan with his own eyes. As to the outcry he raised, and the complaints made, in them the fable runs into the actual, as in the jokes at his expense, and the general laughter. Mercury, the god of thieves, liars, and ]Hck- pockets, is also god of reporters. Neptune may be considered to represent an Elder of the Church, who, for decency's sake, desires to throw ct^A/ water upon the matter; engaging that he would "make all right," or, go security for the damages : for the Ancients understood this part of law better than we do ; so much for a homicide, so much for maiming, in one part, so much for maiming in another, so much for seduction, which last is all now re- maining in use; and even this not affording an indemnification exactly adequate, frcMir tlie peculiar nature of the injury, which is that of the cuckoo, who takes nothing, but only lays iu another's nest. Am. Ed. 4^*^ The following Verses were tJi the original draught of the Poem, and came in after line 316, Book I. : Or hurries headlong on, &c. But thinking them out of place for Satire, and likely to make the Book too long, {a serious fault !) I have throzvn them in here, as so much history, for the sake of illus- tration ; that I might make my Verses supply the place of Prose : a thing requiring no toil whatever, as the Criticks will say, for the Jest is an old otie. At least I remember something of the kind, where Mr. Bayes explains his rules : " Why, Sir, my first rule is the ride of transver- sion, or regula duplex ; changing verse into prose, or prose into verse, alternative, as you please.'' For which lee the Rehearsal. The Criticks themselves, it must be allozued them, are no mean hands at this work of transversion ; one of whom boasted that he could do the like with both Horace and Milton ; for, said he, " Turn what they will to Verse, their toil is vain, Criticks like me shall make it Prose again." THE OBLIVIAD. Appendix. ''T^WAS now when Rome approach'd her last decay, •i- And wit with wisdom sank, as worth with sway, Pass'd all the glories of Augustan days, When sense was ornament, and nature praise ; NOTES. Ver. 2. wit with wisdom sank, as worth ivith sway^'\ *' In the most polite and powerful nations, genius of every kind has dis- played itself about the same period ; and the age of science has generally been the age of military virtue and success." Gibbon, Decline and Fall, chap, x., s. 3. Ver. 3. Augustan days,\ Whence, shall it once more be asked, is derived that energy and grace of mind discernible in certain epochs in the history of so many nations of the earth ? Or, must the opinion of Martial be taken, that the cause is more in patronage than genius ; a plant indige- nous in our fields, but which pines in the shade, unless nurtured and pro- tected by some one in power : "Sint Moecenates, non derunt, Flacce, Marones." Provide me th« protector, and I will provide you the poet. Very true ; but as the dispenser of favours must have the ability to distinguish among those deserving of them, we are still thrown back for the cause, for what is it that has enlightened the Prince himself, or led him to hearken to that 294 THE OBLIVIAD. App. Pass'd too the point, antithesis, conceit, 5 In which once novelty could pleasure meet : N OTES. man of his Court capable of informing him, or who has the honesty to in- form him, if that one man there be? From difficulty to difficulty ; no won- der that one might number on his fingers the real poets of the earth ; there is not a dozen of them. However, such is the course of encouragement : A Maecenas hears of a Virgil ; he is sent for ; and his merits proclaimed in the praises which he received, and the i^ewards loestowed ; giving at once the example and incen- tive to others ; until all become emulous in the path to excellence. " Tunc par ingenio pretium : tunc utile multis Pallere, et vinum toto nescire Decembri." Other circumstances concur ; such as a period in the progress of a great war, which naturally animates the mind, or in prosperity at the close of it, and a nation newly risen into politeness. If this opinion be true, what hope of just taste, and a judicious direction to the mind, in an age when bookmaking has become a trade, and the whole object of the bookseller, who is now the patron, and of the bookmaker he employs, is to serve the largest body of customers, and degrade all to the making of money: than which nothing is more foreign to the nature of true ambition. Vulgar taste runs devious ; and, still desiring something new, the object of such a workman is to vary the folly, and consequently avoid estab- lished standards ; things which, besides, are with difficulty reached, a serious obstacle to one who writes for his daily living. When lately, in England, the Lodger Franchise was granted, the Legislator at once urged to '^educate our masters " for such the crowd had become : but not in Government only, I venture to add; in a little while they will set the law in Literature also, and the patron Publisher will caress those only who can pander to the taste of him who has acquired reading enough to go through a " sensation novel," or, better, the " Police Gazette." Ver. 5. Pass'' d too the point, antithesis, conceit ^'\ Refers to the frivolous thoughts, and glitter of ornament introduced by Seneca, who made every effort to discredit the best authors, even Virgil and Cicero, says (iellius; well knowing that, as long as these continued to be admired, he could not possibly be: a motive just the same as that of some writers (far inferior to Seneca) in our own days, who affect contempt for our Augustan authors, and decry Pope himself. — See Quintilian, Lib. x., cap. I ; and Aulus Gellius, Lib. xii., cap. 2. App. THE OBLIVIAD. 295 E'en these too toilsome, last the mind was brought To mere inanity and want of thought ; NOTES. Ibid. antit/iesis,'] A weed whicli sprang up among tlie finest flow- ers, as in the days of Sophocles and Euripides, when Agathon, writer of Tragedies, was entirely overrun with it. A friend desiring him to correct this vice in his pieces; that, said he, would be to lose Agathon in himself: so much of liis merit was mixed with this figure ; which also makes the chief blemish, as sometimes the chief beauty, of Pope, a writer deserving praise almost as often as mention. 'AAA.ck av ye, yevya7e, KeXridas (reavrhu, rhv 'Ayd^cova e/c tov 'Ayadoiuos .^LIAN. Var. Hist., Lib. xiv., Cap. 13. Ver. 6. 7ioveliy] Other enemies to taste may be met by argument, with some hope of success; but when Fashion opposes, the matter is des- perate : a power divine of right, that no man asks the origin of, and at the name of which all men tremble. When your bootmaker, or bookseller, (or those who severally take measure of head and foot,) tells you this is now the fashion, you are at liberty, like a true Protestant, to dissent ; but to call in question the Goddess herself, that is not heresy, but atheism, and the ostra- cism was not so despotic as the scorn which banishes you. The backwoods or Siberia be your retreat. In vain shall you compel her to shift, either as regards place or attire ; her nature is to change, on which rests her autho- rity ; a part of the great law of the Universe, in all the kingdoms of which we discern a perpetual vicissitude, and new fashions every day put on ; or, for the matter of that, every hour, as in colours of the sky, or in morning, midday, and evening drCiSses. The chameleon changes every minute. Bacon never revealed to us a wiser thing than when he taught that Proteus was but Nature, which is identical with Fashion, or that which, coerced in one shape, presently appears in another: a Deity worshipped by sacrifice of cast- off clothes and opinions, laureate verses, and "novels of the week ;" grateful to her groans of bankrupt husbands, execrations of publishers late in the market, and sighs of all who are forced to appear in a suit of last month's make. Whence, to say that anything is the mode, but extending its influ- ence, all we can ask is to keep true to principle ; and, for example, as noth- ing, of things artificial, so often varies as the female form, (except female fancy,) with the petticoat, and what covers it, I would have this part of the dress, when the day is short, shorter, and when the day is long, longer, that things may be all of a piece, and the train be drawn without draggling when 296 THE OBLIVIAD. App, Instruction stops, on vice no precepts press, Till all is luxury and idleness. 10 Romance now sprung, and Chariclea came New arts to teach, and raise the am'rous flame ; With ills imagined, bliss, attract the eye, And violate of truth the dignity ; NOTES. Nature provides clean streets. The Peacock himself, the favourite of My Lady as well as of Juno, does not keep his tail at the same length all the year round, and sometimes drops the fashion altogether, although as old as Troy, when the ladies swept the trottoire with Honiton lace ; TpoiaSas e\Ke(rnreirKovs, Troadas longa-peplorum-syrmata-trahentes ; an epithet as long as the train itself, and lately brought again into fasliion, since My Lord Derby gave the phrases of Homer at full length. Wherefore, returning to authors, I would not have them, against all rule, continue that same im- changing livery, even though it be of the Muses, out at elbows, and that rusty colour known, among tailors, as " London smoke ; " but even go from bad to worse, rather than be the same blockhead, in the same coat, thread- bare, like the subjects you write on. And, in point of fact, it is the Author that fails, and not the Reader, who alone is still true to the mode. Any thing out ? he inquires, and is handed a book yet damp from the press, with which he is completely satis- fied. At the end of the Season, he returns, when, with the face of Nature, has changed also that system of things in which, agreeable to the opinion of the undiscerning. Nature has no part; asks the same question as before; gets the same answer ; buys, and offers, in part payment, that which he last bought ; which the shopman accepts, at a penny the pound, price of waste paper : whereupon, nothing doubting, he witlidraws, not so much to read the volume, as to talk of it, and be in the fashion. Ver. II. /Romance iiow sprung^ In tliese few lines the Author has en- deavoured to compress the whole history of the Decline of Taste; an exotic, in the centre of a mighty Empire, where it flourished scarce during the life of one man. The transition from simplicity to point ; thence to vapid de- clamation ; and last to romance: the picture is instructive; if, as Editor, I may be allowed to express my opinion of it. Am. Ed. Ibid. Charicled\ The famous, shall I say, infamous, "love stories" of that name, which became the model to all future novelists, even, without knowing it, to our own, and by which, as Nicephorus relates, many young persons were drawn into the danger of sin. App. THE OBLIVIAD. 29/ While trivial incidents throughout prevail, 1 5 Adventure fills, and folly ends the tale. Through ages thence these vices taught to live, Licentious scene, and tedious narrative. Till, lost in ignorance, next meet the eye The fiction and the farce of chivalry. 20 Allured, Nennius, now the Gestes began Of knights of Arthur and of Charlemagne ; Whence Minstrels taught adventures wild to spin, Sir Tristan, Launcelot, or Palmerin : Fantastic age, than which none less could miss 25 That nonsense which it sought, but only this ; At Court a changeling found to cramp the rhymes. And once more Merlin brought to fool the times. Nor art, instruction, might the Reader see, Plan, purpose, character, catastrophe ; 30 NOTES. > Ver. 17. Through ages, <2^'<^.] Nothing less than a period of near fifteen hundred years; on so fixed a basis rests the empire of false learning in op- position to that of the true, which subsisted, without interruption, scarce a fifteenth part of this period. We read of the advent of Sin into the world ; very much like to which is that of Error, when man deviated from Sim- plicity, and still has a leaning to the impure, as well in taste as in morals. Ver. 20. The f.cti on a7id the farce of chivalry i\ A form of manners so fantastic as that of Chivalry could never have had a place in Nature, as Sismundi justly remarks, but must have risen mainly from the fancy, and been suggested to an ignorant people by the writers of Romance. Ver. 21. Allured, Nennius^ Mixed historians and novelists of the be- nighted ages, since imitated by some eminent authors. Originals of Geoffrey of Monmouth. They wrote in the ninth century, which is the darkest of all. Ver. 28. Once more Merlhi\ If Mathias could say of Giffard, that " he had taken some pleasant trouble off his hands," in satirizing a certain class of scribblers then fashionable ; so may I of Hall, who, in turning to 13* 298 THE OBLIVIAD. App. But strange proportion 'twixt effect and cause, And nature lost amid inverted laws ; When idle rhapsodies for child or fool Show'd that most regular which wanted rule : True Gothic models ready shaped at home, 35 And saved all tedious search through Greece or Rome. A reading public (mark the phrase !) unknown. The Monks and Minstrels kept the trash their own ; When yielding shelves piled up from base to top, The cloister seem'd a circulating shop. 40 The Monk kept close by his religious vow, The Minstrel mouth'd his tale, as we do now ; An ancient practice made again appear, That those who cannot read, at least may hear. But modern art another aid can find, 45 And Dickens the great light to all the blind. NOTES. ridicule the Arthur and Merlin writers of his day, has, by anticipation, cast his wit against those of the new school living in our own : ** Some braver brain in high heroic rhymes Compileth worm-eat stories of old times : And he like some imperious Maronist, Conjures the muses that they him assist. Then strives he to bombast his feeble lines With far-fetch'd phrase ; — And maketh up his hard-betaken tale With strange enchantments, fetch'd from darksome vale, Of some Melissa, that by magic doom To Tuscan's soil transporteth Merlin's tomb." But what Nash said, in prose, of Staniiiurst, on his lately introduced ver- sification, is altogether as applicable to what is now passing before us : "Whose heroical pootry," he writes, " in fired, I should say inspired, with hexameter furye, recalled to life whatever hissed barbarisme hath been buried this hundred yeare." Preface to Greene's Arcadia. Ver. 46. And Dickens the great light to all the hlind.'\ Dickens, on leaving America, conscious that he h.ad fooled the Yankees, and App. THE OBLIVIAD. 299 At length, aslant, above the dreary waste. Scarce sent through air the struggHng beams of taste, Till classic lustre in Eliza's days Burst forth once more, though with a mingled blaze ; 50 For Sidney still could make such scenes his care As left ere long to triflers and the fair. In Anna's age her wealth see Thought dispense, And then the dignity of common sense ; Oblivion shut, for then each desp'rate fool 55 By Satire saved to endless ridicule ; NOTES. thrown dust in tlieir eyes, thought to make them a little amends by present- ing them with passages of his Readings, set in embossed letters, for the Blind. Ver. 49. classic lustre in Eliza's ilays] Even the ladies of tlie Court were then, like the Queen, students of the Ancienis, and what is the pedantry of this age, was the fashion of that. Ver. 51. For Sidney still could make suck scenes his care As left ere long to trijlcrs and the fair. ^ Sidney, I fancy, was the last of those chivalrous heroes who formed their characters immediately upon Romance. He was unwilling, however, that the Arcadia should survive him, and, on his death bed, gave orders to de- stroy it. Disobeyed in this, it was ten times reprinted, and then, with the usual fate of such, forgotten. It should be called to mind that Sidney wrote but the first books of tliis piece, of which the latter part is by his sister, the Countess of Pembroke : to whom, let me add, with those of her sex and rank, it were to be wished that the composing and reading of ro- mances might be consigned, until some other species of pastime be intro- duced, to take the place of the obsolete embroidery and knotting. Ver. 54. then the dignity of common sense ;'\ Then was recte sapcre the rule ; and since, among the fluctuations of opinion, common sense is the surest at last to sway among the affairs of men, so is it the most likely to fix the standard of taste, and make us more resemble the Ancients, who, among all their excellences, are chiefly distinguished by this. Ver. 55. Oblivion shut, for then each desp'' rate fool By Satire saved to endless ridicule ;\ As had previously been done in the instance of Flecknoe, " who," says 300 THE OBLIVIAD. App. No novels seen but those which strumpets writ, A worthy way for such to show their wit. Short period ; soon the pleasing poison found, But in the moral first the tale was sound. 6o Insipid virtue ! wit next stoops to dress, And prostitute the page to wantonness. A bandit horde, a damsel free from fault, Alone, and in much peril of assault ; Such in suspense next held the public fool ; 65 Pass, change, Scott hurries with the Border school. NOTES. Langbaine, "has published sundry Works, (as he styles them,) to continue his name to Posterity; tho' possibly an Enemy has done that for him, wliich his own Endeavours would never have perfected : For whatever becomes of his own Pieces, his name will continue whilst Mr. Dryden's Satyr called Mack Flccknoe, shall remain in vogue." Ver. 57. No novels seen but those zvhich strumpets writ^'] Among whom I may mention Eliza Haywood, Aphra Behn, and Mrs. Manley. Haywood " was authoress of those most scandalous books called the Court of Carimania, and the New Utopia." She is mentioned in the Notes to the Dunciad, of which she is the Eliza, as one of "those shameless scribblers (for the most part of that sex, which ought least to be capable of such malice or impudence) who, in libellous Memoirs and Novels, reveal the faults and misfortunes of both sexes, to the ruin of public fame, or dis- turbance of private happiness." For Mrs. Behn, she was a lady of '^ satch decided talent" that Charles II., an excellent judge, thought her a fitting envoy stear the Dutch Court ; where she is said to have engaged in intrigues, for the benefit of her country. Returning to England, she wrote plays, poems, and three volume novels, distinguished chiefly for their gross licen- tiousness : In which, however, she was not without a rival in Mrs. Manley, author of the famous Atalantis ; a woman known to all the wits of the age, and to Alderman Barber, whose mistress she is said to have been. Ver. 60. But in the moral first the tale was sotiiid.\ That of r-iichardson, as Pamela, which was ridiculed, in his Joseph Andrews, by Fielding; an author followed, in turn, by Mrs. Radcliffe, who made mystery and suspense the chief secret of her success. App. THE OBLIVIAD. 30I Ingenuous, who knew how slight his claim, And, wanting learning, sigh'd for solid fame. O, how unlike, &c. NOTES. Ver. 67. Ingenuous, who kne^u how slight his claim. And, wanting learning, sigh'' d for solid fame."] I would give, said Scott, half the reputation I have acquired, to obtain for the rest a classical foundation ; meaning, a lasting one. END OF APPENDIX. THE OBLIVIAD. INDEX. INDEX: Which includes, with the Names, the Principal Mat- ters AND Facts, in the Work, Note as well as Text. The Roman numeral refers to the Book, the Arabic to the Verse. Supp. Supplement App. Appendix. A. ACID and alkaly, in what case combine them, B. ii., v. 240. Adder, spiteful, that, in Scripture, known as the deaf, and, commonly, as the Barnard, B. ii., v. 109. Adultery, Mars and Venus catight in the act of, Supp. to B. iv., V. 26. Age, the present, what the requirements of, B. ii., v. 285. So dif- ferent from that of Voltaire, when Writing was the lowest of trades. Publishers were illiterate, and Falsehood was invented at so much a page, B. ii., v. 405. Alloy of Bowie-knife, Bret, and Brain, B. i., v. 168. Ambiguity of the Author of this Work so glaring, that it is very clear what he means, B. iii., v. 396. Amorous haste, what comes next after it, B. iii., v. 309. Ancients, inventors of the cothurnus, risen above by the Moderns, inventors of the stilts, B. iii., v. 241, Anno domini, the surprising effects of, B. iii., v. 145. Annual Conference in the College of Ignorance, with the Proceed- ings, and Speech of Hepworth Dixon, Esq., B. ii., v. 95. Annual dinner, given to thieves, authors, and beggars, B. ii., v. 422. Ars Rhetorica. Eloquence tonsseuse, with the hem, and flourishes of handkerchief. Tussis pro crepitu,&^c. B. ii., v. 132. 306 INDEX. Art of Sinking in Poetry, origin of, B. i., v. lo. Ass, credit given him for proficiency in Arts, despite his natural disqualifications, B. ii., v. 303. Athenaeum, changes made in the form, and appearance of, Supp. to B. iv., V. I. Door, turn off from it ; on which a long note, B. ii., V. 420. Editor of, never replies to Letters covering Compliments , treating such with silent contempt, B. i., v. i. Attentions which Hepworth was daily in receipt of, B. ii., v. 137. Augustan Authors, in Modern, as in Ancient days, mentioned with an affected contempt, and with the same motives, App., v. 5. Author of this Poem, romantic disposition of, B. iv., v. 263. A little disconcerted, B. iii., v. 434. Desirous of explaining that he is, and intends to be, serious, throughout, B. i., v. 338. Desire on the part of, to hide Reviewers from shame, B. ii., V. 399. Advises those who had been doing dirty work of the pen, to turn to the shovel, lb. v. 405. Gives, gratis, some humane advice, lb. v. 404. Has still kept within the limits of decorum, B. iv., v. 440. Likely to be very popular, if he turns Novelist, B. iv., v. 108. Means by which he salts his Book, B. i., V. 15. Authors, a boat-load of, slipped, like herrings, again into the water, before a particular description could be given of them : whence, the shortness of this Poem, B. iii., v. 406. Every stage of habitation, from the cellar to the garret, filled with them, B. i., v. 189. How they rise, and how they fall, B. i., V. 3. How they run in a waste of words, and void a tale, B. i., v. 248. B. BAINES, MfXay/i'Tjrof, B. i., V. 219. Bancroft, rapture of, when his Poems, at an auction, were knocked down, at a higher price than his History, B. iv., V. 225. Barnard, deaf, placed beside her Heaviness, who is blind, the one being the complement of the other, B. ii., v. 103. Made to hear, by means of poison poured into his meatus, lb., v. 108. INDEX. 307 Beecher, Mrs. Harriet Elizabeth Beecher Stowe, guilty of a breach of confidence, in telling all her friend had told her, B. iv., V. 285. Berkley, proposal to curtail him of half-a-dozen of his names, B. i., V. 179. How he thrashed Fraser, of the Magazine, and shot Magin, Ibid. Black and White, the resemblance between, B. iii., v. 306. Blank Circular, which you are to fill up, with name, accidents of birth, &c., B. i., v. 10. Blind, literature intended for, App., v. 46. Blockhead, as big a one as any other that ever censured poet, B. iv., V. 239. Block, you have but to cut off what hides the dunce in it, B. ii., V. 274. Blundering, and the consequences of it, shown in the Verses of Tennyson, B. iii., v. 177. Boeotians first, and Boeotians last, contrary to Homer, B. iii., v. 60. Boston, that in which she delights, B. iv., v. 415. Braddon, Miss, examples of her style, in dress and writing, B. iv., v. 76. Brain, defecation of, by means of Writing, B. i., v. 231. Breeches, singular use which Carlyle made of his, B. iv., v. 169. Breed, how stop that of Muloch, Mayhew, Taylor, Reid, Wood, and the Howitts, B. i., v. 93. Brentano, by merit of " one grain of Thought," the most distin- guished Poet, as the first Bookseller, of the Period, B. iv., v. 355- Browning, where nursed, by whom taught, and by whom exhi- bited, B. iii., v. 261. His own showman, lb., v. 274. Buchanan, fair specimens of his style of goods, B. iii., v. 196. Buchanan, Reade, like dogs, etc., B. i., v. 137. Bull, Mr. John, determines, seriously, to act Jack Pudding, B. iii., v. 219. BULWER, digratt virtuoso ; indefatigable search for his Works ; in all 999, being one short of the number to complete a Library, B. i., v. 61. The " barren rascal," an epithet not meriting, B. iii., V. 70. Runs all off to nothing, lb., v. 8g. Pun, afflu- ent of, lb., 92. His learning shows how much he wants, lb., 94. Great Arthur, rises or falls with him, lb., v. 109. Author 308 INDEX. gives him a little of his mind, lb. Is apprehensive lest he should be deemed partial in his case, lb., v. 123. Butler, defended against an insulting accusation, B, iii., v. 398. c. CACATA charta: Athenaeums, B. i., v, 155. Calcraft, the Executioner, Selections from his Writings, B. iv., v. 70. Dunned, like any other Author, lb. Calculation, how much wealth there is in England, and how many fools, B. ii., v, 199. Candidate and kicked of Marrow-bone, B. iv., v. 482. Carlyle, a famished innovator, B. iv., v. 146, Eorum more qui non proficere, sed conspici, cupiunt, lb. " What we call originality, signifies that^'' lb. Also, " the heroic quality we have no good name for, signifies that" lb., v. 154. " Cannot express himself, or get himself expressed," lb. Cause, the real one, B. iv., v. 283. Certain persons, distinguished by stars, thus, * * *^ addressed personally, B. ii., v. 413. Chaos ; signifies a yawn, in which, according to the Epicureans, all things must terminate, B. i., v. 113. Chignon, how adjust it to the fashion, B. ii., v. 174. Chcerilus, a writer with Six good verses in his Poem ; an unusual proportion, and for which he received proportional rewards, B. iii., v. 124. Cloaca Maxima, with its tributary Sinks, and what they contain, B. i., v. 154. Close, the Poet, placed conspicuously, B. ii., v. in. Common Sink, what ducked in, B. i., v. 143. Cracked Critick ; dispute as to the meaning of this expression, B. ii., v. 147. Crim. Con. case, with verbatim report of, B. iii., v. 286. Crew of Criticks, by whom kicked to their kennels, B. i., v. 52. Critick, in the Athenaeum, deficiencies required to complete one, B. ii., v. 112. To set up in the business of, what it costs, B. ii., v. 229. Critick's skull, a vacuum coacervatum, B. i., v. 38. Criticism on a Book you never saw, method of, B, ii., v. 311. INDEX. 309 Crutch, Miss Emma, more romantically, Cora, the prostitute d-la-mode, B. iii., v. 17. D. DAY and Martin's blacking, or that which is bright only on the surface of it, B. iii., v. 174. Days, when sense and nature had a place in the World, App., V. 3- Dead ! dead! ! dead ! ! ! sentence passed on a Poet, B. iii., v. 203. Dead level, the natural tendency of things, B. iv., v. 228. Dead Writers, with their dead Works, the Receptacle for, B. i., V. 125. Deep, no traces of vitality in, B. iii., v. 6. Dickens, specimen of his style, in both sorts, the Jine and the fatniliar, B. iv., v. 15. Dixon, appointed Misguider General, by the Goddess, B. ii., v. 334. His grand Arcanum, by which he engages to teach the whole Science of Criticism, in a week, B. ii., v. 299. Indig- nation of, against one who brought money, B. ii., v. 344. Of a Puritan stock j at what time his Spiritual Prostitutes came on town ; 3. fellow that of no college, B. i., v. 51. DORE and Tennyson, altercation between, B. iii., v. 144. Dozen Bells, with the changes on them, and sounds correspondent in Criticism, B. ii., v. 310. Drinking for a wager, B. ii., v. 291. Dull, a word much like a pig of lead, being short and heavy, B. iii., V. 434. Ed. Ath. asks again of the Author what he means by " a maid," and " once a maid," B. iv., v. 103. Constrained to admit that a man may lend himself to base purposes, B. iv., v. $. E. ENCYCLOPEDIA Factory, the Manager of, and one of his best hands, with excusable motive of vanity, B. ii., v. 92. Epicene gender, in Things, as well as in Words, B. iv., v. 328. Epidemicks which have raged on Earth, recounted, B. i., v. 272. 3IO INDEX. Error, how it runs devious, and blunders back, B. ii., v. 157. Too late to correct one, in the age of Mesdemoiselles Sevvell and Manning, B. iv., v. 104. Eternity assured to a great number of Writers ; I promise them, said the Author, B. iii., v. 408. Executioner, perquisites of, B. iv., v, 464. Expense, means by which it may be saved in compiling large Works, B. ii., v. 295. Eyes, shut one of them, and wink with the other, a feat beyond the ability of Ed. Ath., B. iv., v. 167. FACES displayed by Miller and Massey, one each, B. ii., V. 112. Factory Act, a similar one for the shoddy weavers, B. ii., v. 423. Fashion, supreme Goddess of the Globe, delighting in change, and despotic of authority, App., v. 6. The offerings most accepta- ble to her, lb. Faults, of no avail to a Writer, unless they gain him ^distinction, B. ii., v. 268. * Feature,' ' Conventional,' ' Suggestive,' the vast variety of un- meaning contained in them, B. ii., v. 305. Fingers, priority of invention due to them, B. iii., v. 199. Five thousand a year, how much we get for it, B. iv., v. 335. Flogging; the business of, doubled on the Satyrist, since neglected in schools, B. iv., 162. Foetum caput, evacuation of, B. i., v. 132. Fools, the Limbo of, placed on the backside of the World, B. i., v. 102, Frame, with engraving of, by aid of which, mechanically, any one can contrive Articles to furnish the whole Encyclopaedia, B. ii., V. 295. G G. EMS from the Athennsum, B. iv., v. 446. J Goose, European, carving of, in the manner of Strabo, B, iii., V. 314. INDEX. 311 Goth and Vandal, they are upon us, B. i., v. 338. GrcDi Virtuoso ; who was attacked with a flux enrage ev^ery month, B. i., v. 248. Greek, or Latin, after midnight, proof that one is drunk, B. iii., V. 145. Greek, should be just opposite the English, in Book of Quotations, B. ii., V. 180. Greek-fire, dangerous to be in the neighbourhood of, B. ii. , v. 106. Grub-Street, staircases therein tuneful, B. i., v. 6. Who and what were seen tinde there, B. iii., v. 254. Gulls, the arts by which they are allured, B. iii., v. 42. HACK Authors, classed into those who drink, and those who are drunkards, B. ii., v. 388. Hangmen, history of, from Gregory the Great, to our own days, B. iv. , V. 70. Harlot, to be kept in close concealment, and by what means, B, ii., V. 214. Head, the human, shown not to be round, but flat, B. iv., v. 203. The weight of, cause of all the dulness, perversity, and error, in human creatures, B. iii., v. 208. Hepworth Dixon, whether his writings do, or do not, exercise an injurious influence, B. iv., v. 469. Acknowledges that what is said in the Obliviad, is true, B. ii., v. 114. A follower of Aristotle, and in what respect, B. ii., v. 152. Matched with his Suttiness ; the one archangel ruined, the other, archcritick, B. ii., V. 133. Mounts the Rostrum; the rogue mixed with fool in his face; begins his Speech, through the nose, B, ii., V. 128. Her Mightiness, method of sustaining her, B. ii., v. 139. His Lordship, the Case, first, not having been heard, passes sen- tence, and orders punishment accordingly, B. ii., v. 342. His Reverence, with Roxy by his side, B. iii., v. 388. Historical Novel, the originals of, App., v. 21. Holy-Well, the Nymphs of, B. ii., v. 97. HowiTTS, Father, Mother, Daughter, an entire progeny to the Press, B. i., v. 94. 312 INDEX. I. JAKES, how supplied with paper, B. i., v. 176. Idleness, means by which it may be made complete, accord- ing to Bishop Butler, B. ii., v. 75. Ignorance, the College of; a Gothic building, without model in Nature, B. ii., v, 47. The Goddess of; blots out all know- ledge, B. ii., V. 53 ; proves what is, is not; and confirms it with an oath, lb. Illauded, a word selected to suit the occasion, B. iv., v. 525. Immoral, so called, in writing, explained and defended by Ed. Ath., B. iv., V. 452. Indecency, properly exposed, the great value of, B. iii., v. 254. Index Rerum of a Sunday Newspaper, B. iii., v. 26. Influenza and the Scribbling, analogy between, B. i., v. 273. Joicr maigre, in Grub-street, and maigre as applied to an author, B. iii., V. 22. Itch of Writing, fire and brimstone recommended in the cure of it, B. iii., V. 124. Jury give damages for ruin to one's character, valued at 6d., B. ii., 228. K. "XT' ETCH, Jack, fine accomplishments of, B. iv., v. 464. £100 reward to any one who can pick the lock on Tennyson's meaning, B. iii., v. 175. Ladies, disappointed of an attempt on their chastity, B. iii., v. 255. Laid next upon the bank, Ed. Ath. sees what this means, B. iv., V. 263. Laugh, the loudest, confutes in Argument, B. iv., v. 299. Laus Veneris, as a whole, neither profane, nor indecent, B. iii., v. 255. Legs, Mr. Swinburne's, confined by the boards, according to Ed. Ath., who yet declares the stocks obsolete, B. iii., 235. INDEX. 313 Lent, when kept in December, and abstinence observed for the sake of one's genius, App., v. 3. Library in the College of Ignorance, consisting of Romances, of which a Catalogue is given, B. ii., v. 69. Lotos Club, at supper ; brought up in a basket, like their own oysters, B. iv., v. 342. Ludgate, left unlocked by night and day, B. ii., v. 136. LuLLUS, Raymundus, philosopher of Laputa, his Great Art, B. ii., v. 295. Lytton all thy Works, and Proctor thine, B. i., v. 142. M. MACKAY, poet, with but the Nine against him, B. i., v. 141. Male Bawd, the difference between that and the other one, B. ii., v. 204. Marsyas, in what he resembles the hero of this Poem, B. iv., v. 540. Mat., the bad o{ '^\s poetry fills the volume, B. iii., v. 399. Mayhew, Henry, a short time a Scholar, and a long time an Author, B. i., v. 93. Men of the Time, how to become one of them, B. i., v. 10. Mercury, the god of Thieves, Liars, Pickpockets, and Reporters, Supp. to B. iv., V. 26. Milton, told to go and read his Bible, by Ed. Ath., B. i., v. 10. Mind, the waste of, whereto hastening, B. i., v. 123. Miss Dinah, in the pains of labour, B. ii., v. 33. Mistake committed by a Reviewer, whereby he blamed what he meant to praise, and praised what he meant to blame, B. ii., V- 313- Modest proposal, to flay Reviewers, and make parchment of their hides, B. i., v. 222. Morning use, what papers are applied to it, B. iii., v. 12. Morris, Besaleel, foretold, in the age of Queen Anne, as he who was to adorn that of Victoria, B. ii., v. 81. Mortals, the race of, B. ii., v. i. Moses and Hepworth, in what resembling, B. ii., v. 388. MoxON, from what cause forced to stop the sale, B. ii., v. 212. Muloch, Miss Dinah Maria, -a i^ran virtiiosa, B. i., v. 93. 314 INDEX. Mute, method of strangling by means of one, B. ii. , v. 258. Muses, the livery of, by what art give novelty to, App., v. 6. Of Grub-Street, invocation of, B. iii., v. 47. N. NOISE, the great power of, as evinced in Greenland, where it is bottled in Winter, and comes out loud with the cork, B. iii., V. 420. iVi9«- intercourse, explicable, on theory of Spiritual wives, B. iii., V. 314. Nonsense, discovered an innate quality, B. iii., v. 172. How it repeats itself, as shown in verses Ancient and Modern, B. iii., v. 236. Superior to Reason, as that which compasses all things, B. ii., v, 162. Nook apart, on the Western side, B. iii., v. 321. Nose, shown to be the critical part, B ii., v. 152. Novelist, that creature classed by the Naturalists among the Ephemera; known also as the Hemerobion, B. i., v. 67. o. OBLIVION, one that was not travelling so fast thereto, B. ii., V. 2. Strait down, you can't miss it, B. iv. , v. 422. The exact geography of, being the adjoining territory to Chaos, B, i., V. III. Vast capacity of, argued from the number of those who fall into it, B. iii., v. 138. Old-maids, why they naturally take to the pen, B. ii., v. 378. OuiDA, big with Book, B. ii., v. 34. Our Masters, educate them, a rule applicable as well in things of Taste as of Government, App., v. 3. PARADISE Lost, tautology in, as made appear by Ed. Ath., B. i., V. 10. Paradise, the Earthly, many a weary line off, as indicated by Mr. Morris, B. ii., v. 81. Perfect love, hymencals of, B. iv., v. 530. INDEX, 315 Petticoat, what it hid ; with reflections of Ed. Ath. on " covering" and " uncovering," B. iv., v. 52. Phlegm in Writers, or that which is excrementitious, B. ii., v. 36. Pickpockets, among Writers, exculpated, provided they acknow- ledge the offence, B. iv., v. 138. Picric, with green vitriol and galls, articles in use among Review- ers, B. ii., v. 285. Pillory, Dixon gives as proof that he was not pelted in it, as not in use in his day, B. iv., v. 505. Pimp and prostitute, bargain between, B. iv., v. 288. Plagiarists, the question argued, whether Pickpockets are of this * class, and if a purloined pockethandkerchief is the same as a purloined passage, B. ii., v. 131. Pocket, how pick it, by the method of Fagin, B. i., v. 374. Poets, pumpkins, and cabbage heads, relatively considered, B. iii., V. 326. Of past times much to be praised, as having written before the discovery of poetry was made, B. iii., v. 162. The real ones of the Earth, you may count them on your fingers. App., v. 3. Pollux, Julius, Precepts of, compared with those of Dixon, B. ii., V. 300. Prjeconium duplex, or double puff, artifices of, B. ii., v. 34. Precept to preserve the Knave, at which Dixon was interrupted by a burst of cheering, B. ii., v. 325. Prediction, that the rags and remnants cannot always last, B. i., V. 222. , Premature Births, how they happen, and to whom, B. i., v. 319. Present, a small one, and the serious consequences thereof, B. iv., V. 283. Another, ^\\&x\, gratis, to Mrs. Stowe, lb. Proletarii, authors fagoted together under this name, B. iv., v. 361. Prose, what it is, and Poetry, what it is not, with method by which they can be distinguished, B. iii., v. 162. Prostitutes, how carry on a trade in them, B. ii., v. 203. Where they may purchase obscene books, with the titles of them, B. ii., v. 98. Publisher, a bulky one, conveyed in a coach, B. ii., v. 423. Thinks your Work a very good thing, and states the advance he re- quires, B. ii. , V. 182. Punch and T'ldy? with their respective verses, B. iii., v. 176. Pujis and Punch, reflections of Ed. Ath. concerning, B. iii., v. 396. 3l6 INDEX. Q UART, the modern, to which go three pints, B. ii., v. 285. R. RAGS, who are hkely to perish from the want of them, B. iii., V- 399- Rat, symbol of Night ; come of a hungry and hateful breed, as Criticks, B. i. , v. 86. An Excorcismus to expell them, lb., v. 90. Raw Baboon, in Natural History, a disgusting creature, without breeches, B. iv., v. 170. Reformation, that which changes the form of the Vice, and leaves the Vicious the same, B. ii., v. 412. Reptile, pseudonymuncle, a scurrilous skunk, said of Gentlemen of the Athenaeum, B. iv., v. 440. Resurrection, the day of at hand, B. ii., v. 442. Reviewers, hire of, Article on by the Northamptonshire poet, B. iii., V. 393. How many days in the week they write, and in how many drink, B. ii., v. 388. How they instruct an Author out of his own Work, B. ii., v. 88. Of a snarling breed, and, like outcast curs, lean and mangy, B. ii., v. 94. Providence of, who retain a viaticum of three pence, being the classical one, B. ii., v. 391. Romance, a Greek one, opening with the endangered virginity of the heroine, B. i., v. 354. The child of Sin and Ignorance, and where she had birth, B. i., v. 287. The whole world con- verted into one, B. iii., v. 64. Rule, in building, that one bad brick in a wall, condemns the whole of it, B. ii., v. 253. s. ABIN, JOE, second class as a dealer, but first class as a I scholar, for he had studied at Oxford, B. iv., v. 375. Had the misfortune to lose his Latin, on his way to America, lb. INDEX. 317 Sala, very like a whale, B. iv., v. in. His cap and bells very becoming to him, lb. His Travels, lb. Excluded from Rome, by the nose, lb., v. 127. Saltus and Whitman, Whitman and Saltus, B: iii., v. 334. Shang and Whang, and Whang and Shang, B, iii., v. 336. Scabies, whether utterly incurable, B. ii., v. 5. Scabies ct con- tag io lucri, lb. Scribblers, than Maggots in a carcass more numerous, B. i., v. 52. The common Sewer choked with them, B. i., v. 131. Setta de* Tenebrosi, those of the midnight school, B. iii., v. 371. Shoddy-Shop, artifices by which one is altered, to deceive the Public, Supp. to B. iv., v. i. Shoddy, how made, according to the description cf good old Latimer, B. ii. , v. 385. Shoulder-slipped, and buttock-slipped, terms in farriery, B. iv., v. 268. Sin, the advent of, the same as that of Error, which consists in a deviation from Simplicity, App., v. 17. Sinker, for want of a heavier, that which was made use of, B. iv. , v. 5. Skull, tympany of, relieved by paracentesis, B. i., v. 237. Slanderers, how they should be treated, B. ii., v. 221. Sla7tg, a modern word, and modern art, despised by the Ancients, B. iv., V. 25. Slave in the Triumph, what it is, B. iv., v. 170. Smut, the favourite topick, B. iv. , v. 345. Soics-a-Liner, the error he fell into, B. i., v. 6. Spavined Donkey; doubts of Ed. Ath. on the subject, B. ii., V. 22. Stowe, Mrs., how she searched certain parts of knowledge, to the bottom, B. iv., v. 298. Owns her doubts on some sub- jects, lb., V. 308. Strumpets, their wit, and in what way they show it, App., v. 57. Student, the modern, the missing link in Natural History ; that created thing which reads, but cannot reflect, B. iv., v. 92. Subject, method by which an author may enlarge on one, without addition of writing, B. iii., v. 166. Swinburne, difficulty of reducing him to order, B. ii., v. 217. Discovers undoubted symptoms of the Skallviingl, B. iii., v. 236. Specimens of ih^i fine from his Writings, B. iii., v. 243. 3l8 INDEX. TACKLE of Atlantic Cable, Author returns thanks for, B. iii., V. 6. Tale- Weavers, where they procure their materials, B. ii., v. 69. Taste, the revolutions of, beginning with simplicity, and ending in affectation, App., v. 11. Taylor, Ba., being jilted, how he sought consolation, B. i., v. 93. Tennyson, like Whachum, tries his pen on the Calendar, and finds his verses, like a Birth-Day Ode, out of date at the end of the year, B. iii., v. 176. Terror, the moving principle in Tragedy and Criticism, B. ii., v. Thieves' Literature, specimens of, B. i., v. 374. Trollope, a commercial traveller, of the second class, B. iv., v. 184. Legitimate by his Mother, lb., v. 193. Specimens of the vernacular, in his style of writing and of eating, lb., v. 195. Two ships, how an Editor came across sea in them, B. iv., v. 249. u. UGLY mark, on what creatures, and in what way, affixed, with that which distinguished Dickens, B. iv., v. 11. Ultima Thule, where situated, B. iii., v. 410. Unimmortal part of the creature Homo, where it goes to, B. i., v. 128. Unlearning, the difficult Art of, and cost of teaching it, B. ii., v. 90. V. VERMIN Breed ; see Criticks, B. i., v. 75. How classed by Hunter, the Physiologist, lb. Voracity, extraordinary feat of, and eating against time, B. iv., V. 253- Vulcan's net, what a type of, Supp. to B. iv., v. 26. INDEX. 319 w. WANT, vanity, and lucre, incentives to Writing, B. i., v. 2. Wit, a vulgar equality, though not a common one, B. i., V. I. Wood, Mrs. Henry, inherited the piquant taste of her father, who was of Worcester. Commencing with an abortion, threw triplets afterwards, and obtained the Queen's bounty, B. i., v. 94. Worthless, the Receptacles of, B. ii., v. 113. Writers, half-a-dozen only, to the latest dates, have proved their skill in the World, B. ii., v. 361. Writing, the proper occupation of those who are born blockheads, or who are without hands or feet, B. i., v. 191. Y. "\ /"EAR, in what season of, it is fitting to be brilliant, and in \ what dull, B. ii., v. 186. YONGE, of \he feminine order, a shapely pillar; stands up for Church, B. iv., v. 104. Her novels, with a beginning, but no end of them, lb. Young reader, by what arts engage the attention of, B. iv. , v. 474. Yours til Death, origin of this phrase, at the end of letters, B. iv., v. 70. z z. OILUS, critick, confessed that his malignity sprung from impotence, B. ii., v. 229. Not an Author, but a Critick, B. 1., V. 43- ADDENDA: PASSAGES OMITTED FROM THB OBLIVIAD. Entered at Stationers' Hall. PASSAGES OMITTED FROM THE OBLIVIAD. Here dragg'd to day, the monster of a birth, Shaggy and dark, a thing disown'd of earth, Grisly of front, and with a mane of hair. The doubtful breed of buffalo and bear ; Yet such that human hiding in its face ; 5 Something like language, and of mind a trace ; NOTES. Ver. 3. Grisly of front, '\ Manifestly a misprint for Grizzly, if not so spelled through ignorance of the Author, who had heard of the grizzly bear of the Rocky Mountains, so named from its appearance. Ed. Ath. Ver. 4. dotibtfid breed of buffalo and bear i^ One of the products of a new state of society, such as the "half horse half alligator" gentle- men of a past age. Ver. 5. htcman hiding in its face ;] Hiding, through a sense of baslifulness, we suppose, from the company it fcimd itself in. Ed. Ath. IMITATIONS. Ver. I. dragged to day, the monster of a birth,'] "And drags the struggling savage into day." Goldsmith, Traveller. IV THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda, Nameless that long, and to no class confined, Till known as Joaquin Miller to mankind. From his own unplough'd plains the creature goes, Where muddy stream, like dark Missouri, flows ; lO Whence led, or lost, through sea the pathless way He wends, the uncaged wonder of the day ; From lane to lane, invites the crowd along, 'Mid shouts and laughter, with a sort of song ; That light and heavy which of late so prized, 15 And mix'd the barb'rous with the civilized ; Till from the rest he sees Carlyle advance, With Browning justled in a kind of dance ; Hail, hail, he shouts, as recognized each face, And hugs his brethren in a bear's embrace. 20 Then, met some swarthy female to his mind. In gaze of all he does the deed of kind ; NOTES. Ver 10. imiddy stream^ like dark Missotiri^flo7Vs ;\ The Mississippi is pure and transparent, until joined by the Missouri, which fills it with mud, and thence darkens it all the way to the Ocean. " Cum flueret lutulentus, erat quod tollere velles." Hor. Sat. L. i., 4, v. 11. Ver. 17. he sees Carlyle advance. With Browning jiistled in a kind of dance f\ Carlyle attracting him by the qualities of his person, and Browning by those of his mind, I suppose. Am. Ed. Ver. 21. female to his nii7id,\ " The Dove of Saint Mark." "her shrine where naked Venus keeps, And Cupids ride the Lion of the deeps." The winged Lion, the Arms of Venice. IMITATIONS. Ver. 22. does the deed of kind f^ "And in the doing of the deed of kind." Merchant of Venice, Act i. sc. 3. Addenda. THE obliviad. v As ' but a brute ' bursts forth a gen'ral cry, ' The fellow void of common decency.' 'Tis said, indeed, when resolute to roam, 25 To his sole she he Bade farewell at home ; Rebellious to the matrimonial rule, A poet true of the Byronian school ; Left of his loins the growth on distant plains, And brought abroad the product of his brains. 30 A bard, a bard, direct from Nature sprung, With verse like Orpheus', when the Muse was young; The rugged rocks all split, at his command. And wolves drawn round him, in a tuneful band ; NOTES. Ver. 22. In gaze of all he does the deed of kind ;\ It is not, therefore, without reason that the Athen^um compliments th's Author upon his " virile force." "Saved from mawkishness by his virili- ty." "Irresistible impulse." Vindicates himself from the aspersion of Per- sius, who doubted that the poets in his day, like those of our own, were emasculated : " Hsec fierent, si testiciili vena uUa paterni Viveret in nobis?" Sat. i. ,v. 103. Ver. 23. '« britte '] An expression which is softened in the Athe- NyEUM, where he is called simply "a half reclaimed savage." Ver. 24. ' The fellow void of common decency.'''^ "Mutinous from the moral standpoint," as in the Athen/EUM, still desi- rous to uphold the moral, for which reason it was that it brought into notice the most indecent passage in the whole book. Ver. 27. Rebellious to the matrimonial rnle^ A poet true of the Byronian school ;'\ This writer is a great master of the ambiguous ; as in these lines, which mean just one thing or the other. Ed. Ath. Ver. 33. The rugged rocks all split, at his command. And wolves drawn round him in a tuneful band ;'\ For which, consult Pausanias, Grjecise Descriptio, Lib. ix., cap. 30. vi THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. For thus in treble when a pipe is blown, 35 Dogs join the music, with a piercing moan. But, ah ! too like, since thrown into a trench, For ever lost his Arizonian wench ; Who mid the war of winds, of rain the din. Deaf to his plaintive call, come in, come in ! 40 The West, so vain, a hundred years now past. Surveys her son, and is o'erjoy'd at last. Yet rash who trust in all they chance to meet, This child of Nature is perhaps a cheat ; NOTES. Ver. 39. Who mid the ivar of winds, of rain the din. Deaf to his plaintive call, come in, come in /] Every reader of sensibility must perceive how much these circumstances add to this affecting scene ; when, the description of a young woman, in a jea- lous fit, rushing out to drown herself, is aggravated by the storm then rag- ing, and the rain, by which she must have been wet to the skin, and which was such that he could only call to her, come in, come in, not venturing out himself, nor wishing to seek shelter from it in the water, like Gargantua. Ver. 41. The West,'] Understand America in general, which had just completed her first centenary period. Ver. 42. Surveys her son, and is content at last.] The Athenaeum " congratulates America, upon having, at length, given birth to a poet worthy of her ;" which is a studied insult upon Longfellow, "Whitman, and, above all Bryant, who lived and wrote through nearly the whole epoch. America just saved her distance. One poet is all that can be expected in an age ; and, lo! just at the close, that star, for which every telescope had been searching, sets fire to the sky. Pretenders, as we see, are numerous, IMITATIONS. Ver. 37. B7it, ah ! too like, since thrown into a trench. For ever lost his Arizonian wench y] '•Quo fletu Manes, qua numina voce moveret? Ilia quidem Stygia nabat jam frigida cymba." ViRG. Geor. L. iv., v. 505. Addenda. THE OBLIVIAD. vii The Yankee hid by hair from curious eyes, 45 And all that bearskin but a rude disguise ; Like Indian manufactured for a show, With help of ochre or of indigo. I've seen as sly a savage who ne'er put His native nose beyond Connecticut. 50 Or, may be, with that blanket for a cloak, Miller but meant it for another joke. A modern poem would you bring to light, The Rules are needed ere you sit to write ; NOTES. but poets are rare things in the world, according to so sour a critick as Swift, who thus speaks of the mother country : "Say Britain, could you- ever boast Three poets in an age at most ? Our chilling climate hardly bears A sprig of bays in fifty years." On Poetry, a Rhapsody. Ver.'44. perhaps a cheat ;"[ I desire to say that this "perhaps" was hastily hazarded, as, upon inquiry, I have learned, that Mr. Miller was in California. Am. Ed. Ver. 48. With help of ochre or of indigo. ^ Too highly coloured. Am. Ed. Ver. 54. The Rules are needed\ This seems at variance with what pre- vails in the present day ; up to which period the world did not know "what poetry was." Ibid. The Rules arc needed ere you sit to write ; And^ since at first is ' nothing,'' be your boast. Still to the last that ' nothing ' uppermost ; That Aristotle may the whole defend.^ Alike beginning, middle, and the end ;'\ Aristotle is somewhat a dark writer, but his meaning, I conjecture, is this : A piece of writing may be a whole, anil yet be of no magnitude, or impor- tance, whatever. By a whole, said he, (for he finds it necessary to explau) himself,) I mean that which has a beginning, a middle, and an end. A be- Vlll THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. And, since at first is ' nothing,' be your boast, 55 Still to the last that ' nothing' uppermost ; That Aristotle may the whole defend, Alike beginning, middle, and the end ; Led by whose hand, and unrestrain'd of rage, The rest commit to an indulgent age. 6o Reason too tame, let Fancy raise the theme. And, dull while waking, but consult your dream ; When immethodical let all be taught. And bring rebellion to the reign of Thought ; On things fantastical alone intent, 65 And anarchy your native element. Like Sibyl's verses to the leaves consign'd, That toss'd about, and scatter'd by the wind, NOTES. ginning is that which does not require anything before it ; an end, that which nothing is required to follow ; while a middle is that which is placed between two nothings, and unites them : (Something as in the Galvanic bat- tery, when a positive is flanked by a negative on each side of it :) For so I understand him ; though that the Learned may have an opportiniity of com- paring my interpretation, or, as we call it, my rendering, with the original, it is as here following : "EffTj "yh-p 'oKov koX yinjSfj/ eX"'' fJ-fJf^os. "OKov Se fan, rh ex"" ^PX^*' Kal /xecrov Kal reXevrvv. 'Apxh Se ecrrtv, t aitrh fiiu f| oj'dy/crjy fj.ii juercfe &\\o itrrl ' /U€t' iKuvo 5' knpov iTf