K* il^l LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. diptp. ..._._. ©ujtgrig^t fa. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Churchyard Literature; OR LIGHT READING ON GRAVE SUBJECTS: BEING A COLLECTION OF AMUSING, QUAINT, AND CURIOUS X *C EP/ITAPHS. ENLARGED EDITION. M -I ri\ NEW YORK: HURST & CO., PUBL 132 NASSAU STREET. l88l. IK: UBLISHERS. .Nt£ copy ^ COPYRIGHTED, C. NORTHEND, 1881. Part I. REM ARKS. This volume contains a great variety of churchyard inscriptions, or Epitaphs, which have been gathered from various sources. Many of them have, from time to time, appeared in one of our best and most popular magazines.* Quite a number have also been taken from two English works, f It is not easy to account for some of the odd and curious expressions and styles which are to be found on tombstones in many of the cemeteries of the world. We not only find the biographical ^and historical, but also the adulatory, admonitory, deprecatory, punning, enig- matical, eccentric, ridiculous, etc. * Harper's Monthly. f Chronicles of the Tombs, by T. '3. Pettigrcw, and Palmer's Epi- taphs. 3 REMARKS. It is believed that the specimens in this volume are correct copies, and, if they do not impart instruction, they may serve to amuse, — and possibly lead to a more thoughtful and appropriate preparation, or selec- tion, of monumental inscriptions. It is to be hoped that inscriptions like most of those to be found in this volume, will be a record of the past, and not be imitated in the future. " By the thrust of ox's horn Came I into heaven's bourn; All so quickly did I die, Wife and children leave must I ; But in eternity rest I now, All through thee, thou wild beast, thou !" This couplet is from an old tombstone : " He lived and died a true christian, He loved his friends and hated his enemies. " EPITAPHS. 61 The following lines are on the tombstone of Peter Snell, for 35 years parish clerk of Cray- ford, Kent, England : "The life of this clerk was just three score and ten, During half of which time he had sang out, amen ! In his youth he married, like other young men ; His wife died one day, so he chanted, amen ! A second he took, she departed, — what then? He married and buried a third with — amen ! Thus his joys and his sorrows were treble, but then His voice was deep bass, as he chanted, amen ! On the horn he could blow as well as most men, But his horn was exalted in blowing, amen ! He lost all his wind after three score and ten, And here with three wives he waits till again The trumpet shall rouse him to sing out, amen !" One Robert Kemp placed the following lines on the tombstone of his deceased wife : |C She once was mine, But now, O Lord, I her to thee resign, And remain, your obedient, humble servant, Robert Kemp." " Here I lies and no wonder I'm dead, For the wheel of a wagon went over my head. 62 EPITAPHS. In Pewsey Church, England : " Here lies the body of Lady O'Looney, Great niece of Burke, commonly called 'The Sublime.' She was bland, passionate, and deeply religious ; Also she painted In water colours, And sent several pictures To the Exhibition, She was first cousin To Lady Jones; And of such Is the Kingdom of Heaven." On the tombstone of twin sisters, who died at the same time and were buried in the same grave : ** Fair marble ! tell to future days That here two virgin sisters lie, Whose lives employ'd each tongue in praise, Whose deaths gave tears to ev'ry eye. In stature, beauty, years and form, Together as they grew they shone ; So much alike, so much the same, That death mistook them both for one !" EPITAPHS. 63 On a tombstone at Wolverhampton, in 1690, are these lines : " Here lies the bones Of Joseph Jones, Who eat while he was able; But once o'erfed, He dropped down dead, And fell beneath the table. When from the tomb, To met his doom, He rises amidst sinners ; Since he must dwell In heav'n or hell, Take him — which gives best dinners. " A bereaved husband in Berkshire County, Mass., caused the following complimentary notice to be placed on the tombstone of his third wife : u The best wife I ever had." The following is from an English tombstone erected to the memory of Edward Everard : " You was to good to live on earth with me, And I not good enough to die with thee : Farewel, dear husband ; God would have it so ; You'/ near return, but I to you must go." 64 EPITAPHS. On William More, in Stepney Churchyard, Eng.: " Here lies one More and no more than he ; One More and no more! how can that be? Why one More and no more may lie here alone ; But here lies one More, and that's more than one !" The three next following are copies of Epi- taphs upon the tombstones of xepresentative men in the Indian tribes of New England. At Oldtown, Maine, over the body of Orono, chief of the Penobscocs, who died at the age of 113, in 1801, a tombstone bears the following : " Safe lodged within his blanket, here below, Lie the last relics of old Orono ; Worn down with toil and care, he in a trice Exchanged his wigwam for a paradise." In the Mohegan Burial ground, near Nor- wich, is the following : Cc Here lies the body of Sunseeto, Own son to Uncas, grandson to Oneeko, Who were the famous sachems of Moheagan, But now they are all dead, I think it is zverheegen" * * All well, or good news. EPITAPHS. 65 An old stone, in a cemetery at Norwich, Conn., to the memory of the noted chief, Un- cas, has the following Epitaph : " Samuel Uncas. For Beauty, wit, for Sterling sense, For temper mild, For Eliquence, For Courage Bold, for things wauregan, He was the Glory of Moheagon — Whose death has Caused great lamentation Both to ye English and ye Indian Nation." This comes from England : " Tom Dowley died when God decreed, Though they blister'd him sore and twice did bleed, So do what you may, at the voice of God, You must join poor Dowley under the sod." On a tombstone in Essex, England, are the following significant lines : " Here lies the man Richard, And Mary his wife ; Their surname was Prichara, They lived without strife; And the reason was plain — They abounded in riches, They no care had, nor pain, And the zoife wore the breeches" 66 EPITAPHS. The following is from a tombstone in New- ton, Mass., over the remains of Captain Thos. Prentice, who died in 1709 : " He that's here interr'd needs no versifying ; A virtuous life will keep the name from dying ; He'll live though poets cease their scribbling rhyme, When that this stone shall moulder'd be by time." In Dorchester, Mass., the following stanzas are over the remains of two children (Abel and Submit) in one grave : " Abel, his offering accepted is ; His body to the grave, his soul to bliss^ On October twenty and no more, In the year sixteen hundred 44. Submit, submitted to her heavenly king, Being a flower of the eternal Spring ; Near 3 years old she died in heaven to wait, The year was sixteen hundred 48." A tombstone in England has this stanza : " Here I lie: no wonder I'm dead, For a broad-wheeled wagon went over my head. Grim Death took me without a warning ; I was well at night and died in the morning." EPITAPHS. 67 Rebecca Freeland, who died at Edwalton, in 1 741, has the following on her tombstone : " She drank good ale, good punch, and wine, And liv'd to the age of ninety-nine." The five next following are correct copies of Epitaphs found in a Churchyard at Bridport, Vermont : " My time on earth is done you see, For the great judge hath cal'd for me, Whose call I'm ready to obey And Launch into eternal day." " And now away from me she's gone, And never more for to return, But I to her shall shortly go And leave all earthly things below." " Lovely in life, bewald in death, A lingering summons call'd her breath She is gone we hope to Glorious rest, In G°d her Saveiour's image blest." ** My husband, friends, I bid you all adieu, I leave you in God's care. My son i'll never more see you, Prepare to meet me there." 68 EPITAPHS. " Far from his family and holm and tears of strangers awaited him to his grave." Many years ago the papers contained an account of the funeral of a Kentish miller. He left generous legacies to his executors, on condition that they should bury him under the mill and place the following lines, composed by himself, over his remains : " Underneath this ancient mill, Lies the body of poor Will. Odd he lived and odd he died, And at his funeral nobody cried ; Where he's gone and how he fares Nobody knows and nobody cares." A tombstone in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, bears the following inscription : " Din, Dan, my Passing bell, Fare you well my Mother Burie me in my own churchyard Beside my own dere Brother When I die my Cofin is Black With six Brite Angils on my back tow to Sing and tow to pray And tow to carry my Sole away." EPITAPHS. 69 On a tombstone at Montrose, Scotland, is the following, bearing date 1757: " Here lyes the Bodeys of George Youxg and Isa- bel Guthrie, and all their posterity for more than fifty years." Many years ago, there lived in the town of Ledyard, Conn., a man who had several times attempted to commit suicide. He finally died from the effects of disease. In due time a stone was erected to his memory, and on it was placed this plain and significant inscription: " He died an honest death." In the old Churchyard at Beturbet, Ireland, is the following : " Here lies John Higley whose father and mother were drowned in their passage from America. Had they both lived, they would have been buried here." The following Epitaph is upon an old toper buried in Durham Churchyard, England : " Beneath these stones repose the bones Of Theodosius Grimm, He toak his beer from year to year, And then his bier took him." r 70 EPITAPHS. "John Webb, Son of John and Mary Webb, Clothiers, who died of the measles, May 3d, 1646, aged 3 years. How still he lies ! And clos'd his eyes, That shone as bright as day ! The cruel measles, Like clothiers' teasles Have scratched his life away. Cochineal red His lips have fled, Which now are blue and black Dear pretty wretch, How thy limbs stretch, Like cloth upon the racL Repress thy sighs, The husband cries, My dear, and not repine, For ten to one, When God's work's done He'll come off superfine" At Aberdeen, Scotland, is the following stanza : " Here lies I, Martin Elmrod ; Have mercy on my soul, gude God, As I would have on thine gin I were God, And thou wer't Martin Elmrod." EPITAPHS. A monument in Horsley-Down Church, Cumberland, England, bears the following sin- gular and admonitory inscription (1768): " Here lie the bodies Of Thomas Bond and Mary his wife. She was temperate, chaste, and charitable ; But She was proud, peevish, and passionate. She was an affectionate wife, and a tender mother ; But Her husband and. child, whom she loved, Seldom saw her countenance without a disgusting frown, Whilst she received visitors, whom she despised, with an endearing smile. Her behaviour was discreet towards strangers ; But Independent in her family. Abroad, her conduct was influenced by good breeding; But At home, by ill temper. She was a professed enemy to flattery, And was seldom known to praise or commend ; But The talents in which she principally excelled, Were difference of opinion, and discovering flaws and imperfections. EPITAPHS. She was an admirable economist, And, without prodigality, Dispensed plenty to every person in her family ; But Would sacrifice their eyes to a farthing candle. She sometimes made her husband happy with her good qualities; But Much more frequently miserable — with her many failings : Insomuch that in thirty years cohabitation he often lamented That maugre all her virtues, He had not, in the whole, enjoyed two years of matrimonial comfort. At Length Finding that she had lost the affections of her husband, As well as the regard of her neighbours, Family disputes having been divulged by servants, She died of vexation, July 20, 1768, Aged 48 years. Her worn out husband survived her four months and two days, And departed this life, Nov. 28, 1768, In the 54th year of his age. William Bond, brother to the deceased, erected this stone, EPITAPHS. 73 As a weekly monitor to the surviving wives of this parish, That they may avoid the infamy Of having their memories handed to posterity With a Patch Work character.'* A very old gravestone in Newburyport, Mass., has these words : t€ A resurrection to immortality is here expected for what was mortal of the Reverend Mr. John Rich- ardson, once fellow of Harvard College, afterwards teacher to the church of Newbury. Put off April 7, 1676." A SEA-Captain of Sag Harbor, Long Island, placed upon the tombstone of his third wife the following lines: " Behold, ye living mortals passing by, How thick the partners of one husband lie, Vast and unsearchable the ways of God : Just but severe his chastening rod." It may be added that, notwithstanding the severity of the cc chastening rod," the Captain put himself in a similar condition for discipline twice more. 74 EPITAPHS. James Orr, weaver, thus celebrates his wife and children : "Affliction sore with meekness long I bore, Physicians were in vain, Till God did please that Death should seize, And eas'd me of that pain. Here also lies 2 girls, 2 boys, They were part of my earthly joys ; But life's a jest, and all things show it : I once thought so, but now I know it." The following inscription on a headstone in the old burial ground in Quakers' Farms, Oxford, Conn., marks the death of a husband and three of his wives — a vacant niche being left for the name of the fourth spouse : S. H. M. !!• Z. H. R. H 1741. 1774. 1806. I786. By this stone are deposited the remains of Capt. Zachariah Hawkins, a worthy and respectable member of Society, who in the 90th year of his age died in faith and hope, June 27th, mdcccvi. He had 14 children, who all survived him, 2 grand-children, & 95 great-grand-children. EPITAPHS. 75 Sarah, his first wife, is buried in Derby — by whom he had Sarah & Mercy. Mary, his zd wife, is buried 1 2 feet on the left of this stone — by whom he had Mary, John, Elizabeth, Elijah, Arma, Gaylord, Ruth, Silas, Joseph, Moses, & Isaac. Rachel, his 3d wife, lies close by this on the left, by whom he had Zachariah. o— — Lydia, his relict, and his sons erect this Monument, their tribute of gratitude, love, and honour.'* At Southrey, England, ob. 1638: ''Jane Tyrrell. Here rests that just and pious Jane, That ever hated all that's vayne ; Her zeal for God, made her desire T 'have dyed a martyr in the fire; Or into thousand pieces small, Been cutt to honour God with all, Her life right vertuous, modest, sober; Ended the 7th day of October, 1638: Her purest soul 'till the body rise, Enjoys heaven's peace in paradise. Her virtues hid from common sight, Enforc'd her husband these to write." 76 EPITAPHS. In Ash Church, Kent, on a brass, a very unusual, if not singular, instance of the kind : "J ohn Brooke of the parish of Ashe O nly he is nowe gone. H is days are past, his corps is lay'd N ow under this marble stone, B rookstrete he was the honor of R obM now it is of name, O nly because he had no sede O r children to have the same; K nowing that all must passe away, E ven when God will, none can denay. He passed to God in the yere of Grace One thousand fyve hundredth ffower score and two it was, The sixteenthe daye of January, I tell you playne, The five and twentieth yere of Elizabeth rayne." This is from a tombstone in a cemetery near Silver Lake, Washington County, N. Y. : " Elizabeth McFadden, Wife of David P. Reid, Died Feb. 28, 1859, in her 47th year. She never done a thing to displeas her Husband/' EPITAPHS. 77 The following singular inscription is from a tombstone in one of the central counties of England : « Reader> you would behold inscribed on this stone the character of a learned, skillful, and tender-hearted physician ; a warm friend a devout Christian ; had not the person here deposited by his last testament forbidden anything more to be said of him than, Here lieth s who died on the loth of Feb., in the year of our Lord, 1757; of his age, 67." At St. Giles', Cripplegate, is the following, on " Gervase Aire. Under this marble fair, Lies the body entomb'd of Gervase Aire : He Dyd not of an ague fit, Nor surfeited by too much wit, Methinks this was a wondrous death, That Aire should die for want of breath." yS EPITAPHS. From a work on w Monuments and Monu- mental Inscriptions in Scotland," just published by the Rev. Dr. Rogers, historiographer to the Historical Society of Great Britain, we quote a few quaint inscriptions. At Ancrum Moor, a monument commemo- rates "Maiden Lilliard," a young Scotchwoman who, at the battle of Ancrum (1545), distin- guished herself by her extraordinary valor. The Epitaph proceeds thus : " Fair Maiden Lilliard lies under this stane ; Little was her stature, but great was her fame; Upon the English loons she laid mony thumps; And when her legs were cuttit afT she fought upon her stumps." The following lines commemorate the wife of David Stewart, shoe-maker, who died April 11, 1803: " For twenty years and eight I lived a maiden's life, And five-and-thirty years I was a married wife ; And in that space of time eight children I did bear- Four sons, four daughters, who ever lov'd most dear Three of that number, as the Scriptures run, Preach up the way to heaven, and hell to shun." EPITAPHS. 79 In the parish of Fenwick, is a stone to the memory of James White, who was shot to death by Peter Inglis and party in 1685 : t€ This martyr was by Peter Inglis shot, By birth a tyger rather than a Scot, Who that his monstrous extract might be seen, Cut off his head and kickt it o'er the green. Thus was that head which was to wear a crown A foot-ball made by a profane dragoon." This. in remembrance of a clock-maker: " Here lyes a man who all his mortal life Past mending clocks, but cou'dna mend his wyfe; The larum o' hys bell was ne'er sae shrill As was her tongue, aye clacking like a mill. But now he's gane — oh, whither nane can tell — I hope beyond the soun' o' Matty's bell." A headstone erected to the memory of rather a wicked youth, whose death was caused by being thrown from a horse, bears these lines : " My friend, judge not me, Thou see'st I judge not thee : Betwixt the stirrup and the ground, I mercy sought and mercy found." 8o EPITAPHS. The six next following, it is said, were actu- ally copied from tombstones in a Massachusetts Churchyard : "John T , Schoolmaster. May he be punished as often as he punished us. He was a hard old shell. He said the Lord's Prayer every morning. May the Lord forgive him, as often as he forgave us, That was never. We his scholars rear this stone over his ashes, Though they are not worth it. We are glad his reign is over, Amen." " This to the memory of Ellen Hill, A woman who would always have her will. She snubbed her husband, though she made good bread, And on the whole he's rather glad she's dead. She whipped her children (and she drank her gin), Whipped virtue out, and whipped the devil in, Mav all such women go to some great fold Where they through all eternity can scold." " Ebenezer Dockwood, a'ged forty-seven, A miser and a hypocrite, never went to heaven." EPirAPHS. 81 "To the memory of Captain Barber, a staunch patriot, who fought and bled for his country, who was foremost in all the stormy deeds of his nation's history. Known to be a liberal man ! but he was a glutton and a wine-bibber ! drove his only son to sea and to ruin ; killed his wife by his misdeeds, and died drunk in in his fifty-first year." Cs Fair as the rose, when first it smiles, On the green earth — her pretty wiles, In childhood shadowed gentlest worth, But oh how false all things of earth. Sleep on nor wake, we pray you, Anne, Your guile has ended many a man. Coquette you lived, and flirt you died, Death made you his unwilling bride." " To the memory of Mary Gold, Who w T as gold in nothing but her name. She was a tolerable woman for an acquaintance But O. H. himself couldn't live with her. Her temper was furious, Her tongue was vindictive, She resented a look and frowned at a smile, And was as sour as vinegar. She punished the earth upwards of forty years, To say nothing of her relations." 82 EPITAPHS. On the tombstone of a young lady who died in Lebanon, Conn., far from her home: "As a stranger she did die, In strange lands she doth lie Here by strangers she was laid, And her funeral charges paid." The following lines are from a Churchyard in Wales : " Under this stone lies Meredith Morgan, Who blew the bellows of our church organ; Tobacco he hated, to smoke most unwilling, Yet never so pleased as when pipes he was filling; No reflection on him for rude speech could be cast, Though he made our old organ give many a blast; No puffer was he, though a capital blower, He could fill double G, and now lies a note lower." An old tombstone — nearly two hundred years old — at Damariscotta, Maine, has these lines : " Now Dad is dead and gone, Dad left me here alone ; But hope in Christ I have, That he and I will save." EPITAPHS. An Epitaph over the grave of Jacob Weiser, at St. Paul's, London, who died in 1785, thus reads : " Farewell vain world, I know enough of thee, And now I'm careless what you say of me, Your smiles I court not, nor your frowns I fear, My cares are past, my head lies quiet here, What faults you saw in me, take care and shun, And look at home, enough there's to be done." The following are from tombstones in New London County, Conn., commemorating sold- iers who fell at Fort Griswold, in 1781 : " In Memory of M r Simeon Morgan who died Sep r 6th 1781 in fort Griswould by trai tor arnolds murdering Corps in y e 27 th year of his Age. This Blooming youth in Sweets of life, his God doth Call while Cannon roar, a winged dart doth sease his breath & takes him from this Golden Shore." 84 EPITAPHS. " In Memory of Lieut Joseph Lewis who died Sept r 6th 1781 in fourt Griswould by traitor Arnolds murdering Corps in y e 41st year of his Age. This gallant man when God Doth call doth give his life in freedom's cause ; a sudden dart doth wing away that precious life that dwells in Clay." "In Memory of M r Asia Perkins who was slain in fort Griswould Sept r 6th 1781 iny e 33rd year of his Age. Ye British tyrants that have Power And butchers wet With Human Gore Judgement must come And you will be Rewarded for your Cruelty." EPITAPHS. "In Memory of M r Elisha Perkins who fell a Sacrifice for his Countrys Cause in that horrible massacre at fort Gris would Sep* 6th 1781 in y e 38 year of his Age. Kingdoms and States Degenerates Keep grace forever nigh My blood hath stained the british fame for their humanity." "In Memory of M r Thomas Minard he fell a victom [to] Death the 6th of Sept 1781 in y e 30 year of his Age. My blood was spilt upon the Earth, resigned my breath, By relentless inhuman foes I fell a Sacrifice to Death." 86 EPITAPHS. "In Memory of M r Luke Perkins who was slain at fort Griswould Sep 1 6th 1781 in y e 29th year of his Age. Ye sons of Liberty be not Dismayd That I have fell a Sacrifice to Death But oh to think how will their debt be paid Who murther d me when they are call d from Earth." "In Memory of M r Benadam Allyn who died Sep 6th 1781 In fort Griswould by traitor arnolds murdering Corps in y 6 20th year of his Age. To future ages this shall Tell This brave youth in fort griswould fell For amaricas Liberty He fought & Blead Alas he die d ." EPITAPHS. 87 u In Memory of Belton Allyn son of Dea 11 Jofeph Allyn who fell in fort Griswould by traitor Ar nolds corps Sep r 6 1781 in y e 17th year of his Age. By Cruel rage of British man this body 63 brought to dust again But we through faith do hope this dust will rife in triumph with y e Just." "In Memory of Cap * Si meon Allyn who Died Sep r 6 1781 in fort Griswould with his Lieu* Ens 11 and 13 soldiers by trai ter arnolds murdering Corps in y e 37th year of his Age. By Gods decree my bounds ware fixt the time y 8 place though much confus d the cause was good y e means was vile. Snatch d me from Charms of Golden Life." 88 EPITAPHS. " Here lies y e body of M r Eldredge Chester son of M r Thomas Chester who was wound- ed in fort Griswold Sep* 6th 1781 and died of his wounds dec 3 1st in y e 24th year of his Age. Relentless was my foe, Death's weapons through me went, Fell by y e Fatal blow, Lingered till life was Spent." " In Memory of M r Elnathan Perkins who was slain at Fort Griswould Sep 6th 1781 in the 64 year of his Age. Ye British Power that boasts aloud of your Great Lenity Behold my fate when at your feet I and three Sons must Die." " In Memory of M R Nicholas Starr who was slain in Fort Griswould Sep tr 6 1 781 in his 40th year. EPITAPHS. 89 O thou inveterate Foe what is it thou hast done thou struck the fatal blow no mercy could be shown." " In Memory of M B Henery Woodbridge who was slain in Fort Griswould Sep* 6th 1781 in the 33d year of his Age. Will not a day of reckoning come does not my blood for vengeance cry how will those wretches bear their doo m who hast me Slain most Murderously' 9 "In Memory of M B RUFUS HURLBUT Who fell in the bloody committed by Benedict Arnold's troops Massacre A at Fort Griswold Sept ber the 6th 1781 in the 40th year of his Age. Reader confider how I fell For Liberty I blead Oh then repent ye Sons of hell For the innocent blood you shead." r 90 EPITAPHS. At Bristol, Conn. : " Five hundred miles out to the west 'Tis there my body lies at rest, Hoping v/hen the Lord shall come, To meet my friends who die at home," An Epitaph found in "Bene a country Churchyard : VI. AT.HT : his : S.T. Seab ate yo Oneli Eska VRG Thari Neg Rayc Hang'd Rie. Fan DD F. R. O ! mab. V. Syli Fetol Ryy O ! V . . . Rey Esf. OR VVH If. tie ATA SS CL Vai L Saflo Ayb. ye ar Than O ! Doft Ears. W. Hok no : Wsb. Del— Ays Vt Ina Runo Hego Therp. Elfa N D Fy Ears In. So ... . Metall : Pit .... C. No. ws he 'stur Hero . . R . . broa N'D TOO ART DP. Hh. Ersel Fy Ans. He . . I Ewee . . . Pin N. H. Gfr. I . . EN Ers Hopma D.S. L. Y. B. . Et mea D E. Aga .... IN. EPITAPHS. 9 1 Explanation. Beneath this stone lies Katharine Gray, Chang'd from a busy life to lifeless clay : By earth and clay she got her pel£ And now she's turned to earth herselfl Ye weeping friends — let me advise — Abate your grief, and dry your eyes ; For what avails a flood of tears ? Who knows, but, in a run of years, In some tall pitcher or broad pan She in her shop may be again. " The following, which is suggestive to coffee drinkers, is from a tombstone in Connecticut : " Here lies cut down like unripe fruit, The wife of Deacon Amos Shute ; She died of drinking too much corTee, Anny Eom'ny eighteen forty." In Westminster Abbey, London, over poet Gay : " Life is a jest and all things show it ; I thought so once but now I know it " EPITAPHS. Lord Rochester wrote the following Epitaph for Charles the Second : " Here lies our sovereign lord and king, Whose word no man relied on, Who never said a foolish thing And never did a wise one." A Highland Epitaph reads thus : " Here lies interred a man of micht, His name is Malcom Downie, He lost his life one market night, By falling off his pownie." At Northampton, England, a tombstone has this stanza : " Here lies the corpse of Susan Lee, Who died of heartfelt pain, Because she loved a faithless he. Who loved her not again. " u Behold me here young splendid youth The tale I tell is all the truth Though you are young and may die soon My morning sun did set at noon." EPITAPHS. 93 A disconsolate husband caused the follow- ing to be placed upon the tombstone of his deceased wife : " I've lost the comfort of my life Death came and took away my wife, And now I don't know what to do Lest death should come & take me too." A noted pyrotechnist died a few years ago who, in the course of his travels, had been impressed by an inscription on the tombstone of the great musical composer, Purcell, which read as follows : " He is gone where alone his melodies can be exceeded." Fired by an ambition to stand highest in bis own profession in this world, he requested that on his tombstone might be written . " He is gone where alone his fireworks can be exceeded." Samuel Beasley, the architect and dramatist, wrote his own Epitaph in these words : " Here lies Samuel Beasley, Who lived hard and died easily." 94 EPITAPHS. Job Orton, son of the inventor of Stilton cheese, an innkeeper at Kidderminster, put up a tombstone in the Churchyard there, inscribed: "Job Orton, a man from Leicestershire, When he dies he will be buried here." He was a queer character altogether. While his wife yet lived to plague him, he wrote her Epitaph : " Esther Orton, a bitter sour weed, God never loved her nor increased her seed." Left Sunbury And started for Paradise June 25th 18 — ." "To the memory of Doctor Polycarp Cushman, who died 15th December, A. D. 1797, iEtate 47, Vain censorious beings little know What they must soon experience here below. Your lives are short, eternity is long, O think of death, prepare & then be gone. Thus art and nature's power and charms, And drugs, receipts and forms Yield all at last to greedy worms A despicable prey." EPITAPHS. 95 On a tombstone at Chigwell, England: u This disease, you ne'er heard tell on — I died of eating too much mellon ; Be careful, then all you that feed — I Suffered because I was too greedv." On Long Island, in Belfast Bay, Maine, a gravestone bears the following stanzas : "Farewell ! my dear husband saith she, Now from your kind bosom I leap — To Jesus my Bridegroom to be — My flesh in the tomb shall soon sleep. Now like a disconsolate dove I'm left all alone for to mourn Oh ! may the kind Saviour above, Show pity to me while alone." It is several years since the above was copied, and it is not known how long the " dove " remained alone. At Fairfax, Vt., over the remains of a young man accidentally shot : " O fatal gun, why was it him That you should kill so dead ? Why did'nt you go off a little higher And fire above his head ?" 96 EPITAPHS. In Luton Churchyard, Bedfordshire, Eng., a tombstone has the following: " Reader ! I have left a world In which I had much to do, Sweating and fretting to get rich, Just such a fool as you." " I was well Wished to be better Took physic Here I am." At Sterling, Miss., is a gravestone with the following : " As she on her bed of sickness lay, Her friends stood weeping round, She not a word to them could say, No medicine could they get down." (< Beneath the gravel and these stones, Lies poor Jack Tiffey's skin and bones ; His flesh, I oft have heard him say, He hoped in time would make good hay; Quoth I, ' How could that come to pass ?* And he replied, — 'All flesh is grass !' " EPITAPHS. 97 On Dr. Stafford, a remarkably fat man : " Take heed, O good traveller, and do not tread hard, For here lies Dr. Stafford in all this churchyard." The following Epitaph, from the Church- yard at North Shields, England, has been the subject of much laughter on account of its absurdity : " In memory of James Bell, of North Shields, who died 1 6th Jan., 1763, aged 42 years. Margaret, widow of the above said James Bell, died Dec. 30, aged 49 years. She was wife, after, to Wm. Fen wick of North Shields." Under the above, the following lines had been written in pencil : "As in the Scriptures it is said No marriages in heaven are made, It seems that Margaret's ghost did go To Pluto's dreary realms below, Where she, poor soul, not long had tarried, Till her friend Will and her got married." Epitaph on a blind wood sawyer : " While none ever saw him see thousands have seen him saw*" 98 EPITAPHS. The four next following are from tomb- stones in Saratoga, N. Y., and vicinity : " Here lies the wife of Robert Ricular Who walked the way of God perpendicular." " Gone to yon heavenly dome, From sin and sorrow free, How desolate our home Since 'tis bereft of thee Sarah." " Farewell dear wife my life is past, I loved you whilst my life did last. Weep not for me nor sorrow take, But love my brother for my sake." " She was a sister true and kind While with us she could stay God blest her with a loving mind And then took her away." This is from East Woodstock, Conn.: " Dear babe weal weap for the no more, For thou art now fo^ er blest The bitter pangs of death is ore And Jesus smiles to see the rest." EPITAPHS. 99 Another old stone, with the name of Jacob Vedar, has this couplet : " Here lies my father Dan Who left three children to do the best they can." A stone, with a cut of an engine, has the following lines commemorating the death of an engineer, — caused by the explosion of his engine : " My engine now lies cold and still, No water does her boiler fill; Wood aflbrds it flame no more, My days of usefulness are o'er." " Here lie two babies, side by side : Of the small-pox both of them died. Their ages were seven and nine — Prepare to meet your God in time." The following is on the tombstone of a young man who was killed by lightning, — in Dover, Maine : " The storm did rage, the wind did blow — One flash of lightning laid him low — His brother come, but oh ! no sound — Dead on the spot there he was found." loo EPITAPHS. The following is an inscription on a grave stone in the Willow Brook cemetery in East Hartford. We presume Serg't Barker was not so much u captivated" by the British as the tombstone represents : " In Memory of Serg't Herman Barker, Jr., of Tolland — he was captivated by the British troops Sept. 15th, 1776, — Son to Mr. Herman Barker and Lois his Wife — he Died on his way home with the small-pox Jan. 21st, 1777, in the 29th year of his Age.- Elihu Yale, the founder of Yale College, New Haven, Conn., was buried at Wrexham, Wales. His monument bears this inscription : " Under this tomb lyes interr'd Elihu Yale of Place Gronow, Esq. born 5th April 1648 and dyed the 8th of July, 1721, aged 73 years. Born in America, in Europe bred, In Afric travelled, and in x^sia wed, Where long he liv'd and thriv'd, in London died, Much good, some ill, he did ; so hope all's even, And that his soul thro' mercy's gone to heaven. You that survive and read, take care For this most certain exit to prepare, Where, blest in peace, the actions of the just Smell sweet and blossom in the silent dust." EPITAPHS. 101 In Lydford Churchyard, near Dartmoor : " Here lies, in horizontal position, the outside Case of George Routleigh, Watchmaker ; Integrity was the Mainspring, and prudence the Regulator, of all the actions of his life. Humane, generous, and liberal, his Hand never stopped, till he had relieved distress. So nicely regulated were all his Motions, that he never went wrong, except when set a-going by people who did not know his Key : Even then he was easily set right again. He had the art of disposing his time so well, that his Hours kept running on in a continual round of pleasure, till an unlucky Minute put a stop to his existence. He departed this life Nov. 14, 1802, aet. 57, in hopes of being taken in hand by his Maker; and of being thoroughly Cleaned, Repaired, Wound up, and Set a-going in the world to come." 102 EPITAPHS. From Thetford Churchyard, England : " My grandfather was buried here, My cousin Jane, and two uncles dear; My father perished with inflammation in the thighs, And my sister dropped down dead in the Minories : But the reason why I'm here interred, according to my thinking, Is owing to my good living and hard drinking. If, therefore, good Christians, you wish to live long, Don't drink too much wine, brandy, gin, or anything strong." At Lauder, England: "Alexander Thompson. " Here lyes inter'd an honest man, Who did this churchyard first lie in ; This monument shall make it known That he was the first laid in this ground. Of mason and of masonrie He cutted stones right curiously. To heaven we hope that he is gone, Where Christ is the chief corner stone." In St. Mary's Church, Nottingham: €g Luke xx. 36. Sleep on in peace ; await thy Maker's will ; Then rise unchanged, and be an angel still." EPITAPHS. lc 3 The following warning and advisory lines are on the tombstone of a quack doctor : " I was a quack and there are men who say Thaf in my time I physick'd lives away ; And that at length I by myself was slain By my own drugs ta'en to relieve my pain. The truth is, being troubled with a cough, I like a fool consulted Dr. Gough ; Who phvsick'd me to death, at his own will, Because he's licensed by the state to kill : Had I but wisely taken my own physic I never should have died of cold and 'tisick. So all be warned, and when you catch a cold Go to my son, by whom my medicine's sold." At Richmond, Yorkshire: " Here lies the body of William Wix, One Thousand, Seven Hundred and Sixtv-Six. ! From Litchfield, Conn., the following: " Here lies the body of Mrs. Mary, wife of Dea- con John Buel, Esq. She died Nov. 4, 1768, aged 90, — having had 13 Children, 101 Grand-Children, 247 Great-Grand-Children, and 49 Grear-Great- Grand-Children ; total 410. Three Hundred and Thirty Six survived her." 104 EPITAPHS. From Solyhull Churchyard, Warwickshire. The following Epitaph was written by a certain Rev. Dr. Greenwood on his wife, who died in childbirth. One hardly knows which to admire most, — the merit ol the couplet wherein he celebrates her courage and magnanimity in pre- ferring him to a lord or judge, or the sound advice with which he closes : " Go, cruel Death, thou hast cut down The fairest Greenwood in all this kingdom ! Her virtues and good qualities were such That surely she deserved a lord or judge; But her piety and humility Made her prefer me, a Doctor in Divinity ; Which heroic action, joined to ail the rest, Made her to be esteemed the Phcenix of her sex; And like that bird, a young she did create To comfort those her loss had made, disconsolate. My grief for her was so sore That I can only utter two lines more : For this and all other good women's sake, Never let blisters be applied to a lying-in woman's back." At Norwich Cathedral : " Sarah York this life did resigne On May the 13 th, '79." EPITAPHS. 105 Epitaph of a resigned and submissive hus- band on his second wife : " Here lies wife second of old Wing Rogers She's safe from care and I from bothers ! If death had known thee as well as I, He ne'er had stopped but passed thee by. I wish him joy, but much I fear He'll rue the day he came thee near." At Quincy, Mass. (1708): " Braintree, thy prophet's gone ; this tomb inters The Rev. Moses Fiske his sacred herse. Adore heaven's praiseful art, that formed the man, Who souls, not to himself, but Christ oft won ; Sailed through the straits with Peter's family Renowned, and Gaius' hospitality, Paul's patience, James's prudence, John's sweet love, Is landed, entered, cleared, and crowned above." A tombstone in Milford, Connecticut, has the following stanza on a young lady who died in 1792, aged 24: " Molly, tho' pleasant in her day. Was sudd'nly seized and sent away. How soon she's ripe, how soon she's rotten, Laid in the grave and soon forgotten. 5 ' io6 EPITAPHS. On t the tombstone of EdwarJ Cook, M. D , at St. Bartholomew the Great, are the follow- ing lines : " Unsluicc your briny flood ; what, can you keep Your eyes from tears and see the marble weep ? Burst out, for shame ; or, if you find no vent For tears, yet stay, an ^ s~e the stones relent." On John Adams, of Southwell, a carrier, who died of drunkenness : "John Adams lies here, of the parish of Southwell, A carrier who carried his can to his mouth well; He carried so much, and he carried so fast, He could carry no more, so was carried at last; For the liquor he drunk, being too much for one, He could not carrv off — so he's no.v cam-on / The following inscription, on two Danish soldiers, is on an oval stone monument against the south wall or St. Mary's Church, Beverley, under two swords crossed : " Here two young Danish souldiers lie. The one in quarrell chane'd to die; The other's head, by their own law, With sword was sever'd at one b!ow, December the 23rd. 1 689." EPITAPHS. 107 In Rudgwick Churchyard, England : " Edward Haynes, M. D., ob. 1708 : Here lies the body of Cranley, Doctor Edward Haynes, Who for to maintain his family spar'd not for pains; To ride and to run, to give relief, To those that were in pain, in grief. He, the 30th of April, enter'd Death's strait gate, In the year of oar Lord, one thousand seven hundred and eight. He left behind him when he left this life Two likely sons and a loving wife ; And, about 36 weeks after, His wife and relict was brought to bed with a dafter; Which three we desire may live, Not to beg, but to give. His eldest son Edward, about six years and ten months old, His youngest son, John, three, both dapper and bold. Like to most mortals, to his business he was a slave, Catched the small-pox and died, and lies here in his his grave." At Selby, Yorkshire (1706), England : " Here lies the body of poor Frank Row, Parish clerk, and grave stone cutter. And this is writ to let you know, What Frank for others us'd to do, Is now for Frank done by another." io8 EPITAPHS. The writer of the following Epitaph had an eye to business : " Beneath this stone in hopes of Zion, There lies the landlord of the Lion. Resigned unto the heavenly will, His son keeps on the business still." On the tomb of Edward Courtenay, third Earl of Devon, in Tiverton Churchyard, is the following Epitaph. The Earl died in 1419 : " Hoe ! hoe ! who lies here ? I, the good Erie of Devonshire; With Maud, my wife, to mee full dere, We lyved togeather fyfty-fyve yere. What wee gave, wee have ; What wee spent, wee had ; What wee left, wee lost." At St. Cuthbert, Kildale, Yorkshire : " Joseph Dunn. " Here lyeth the body of Joseph Dunn, who dyed y e 10th day of March, 1716, aged 82 years. He left to y e poor of Kildale XX s., of Commondale XX s., of Danby XX s,, of Westerdale Xs., to be paid upon his gravestone by equal portions, on y e 1st day of May, and y* 11th of November forever." EPITAPHS. 109 On an old stone in London, in memory of a noted merchant named Lambe, the following lines occur : " O Lambe of God, who sin dost take away, And like a Lambe was offered up for sin, While I, poor Lambe, from out thy flock did stray, Yet thou, good Lord, vouchsafe thy Lambe to win Back to Thy fold, and hold thy Lambe therein. That all the days which Lambes and goats shall sever, Of thy choice Lambes, Lambe may be one forever.'' At Wrexham : " Here lies John Shore, I say no more; Who was alive In sixtv five." The following lines may be found in a ceme- tery in Connecticut : ; 'Tis child and tomb who from the womb Reminds us of our death — All's vanity, for we must die And gone as in a breath — Glory to God, the Lord of Hosts, By Quakers, Friends and Holy Ghosts, Let saints and angels all be blest, Our souls ascend and bodies rest." no EPITAPHS. At Newton, England : "Richard Blondevyle. Ob. 1490, ast. 85. Ralph Blondevyle. Ob. 1514, ast. 45. Edward Blondevyle. Ob. 1568, aet. 75. Here lyes in Grave, nowe thre tymes done,' The Grandsire, Father, and the Sone, Theyr Names, theyr Age, and when they dyed, Above theyr Headds is specyfyed, Theyr Sheyld of Arms, doth eke declare, The Stocke with whom they marched were, They lyved well, and died as well, And nowe with God in Heaven they dwell, And thear do prayse hys holy Name. God grant that we may do the same." The following touching Epitaph is from a Churchyard in Pennsylvania, commemorating alike the grief of the widow and the gluttony of the deceased : " Eliza, sorrowing, rears this marble slab To her dear John, who died of eating crab." At Norwich Cathedral : " Here lies the body of honest Tom Page, Who died in the 33d year of his age." EPITAPHS. in In Dartmouth Churchyard, England, is the following, bearing date 17 14: " Thomas Goldsmith, Commander of the Snap-dragon, a privateer, in the reigne of Queen Anne. In which vessel he turned pyrate, and amassed much riches. Men that are virtuous fear the lord And the devil's by his friends adored; And as they merit, get a place, Amidst the blest, or hellish race : Prey then, ye learned clergy show Where can this brute, Tom Goldsmith, go; Whose life was one continued evil, Striving to cheat God, man, and devil." On the tombstone of one Palmer, in a Kent- ish Churchyard, England, are the following lines : " Palmers all our fathers were; I, a Palmer lived here, And traveyled sore, till worn with age, I ended this world's pilgrimage, On the blest Ascension Day In the cheerful month of May, One thousand with three hundred seven, And took my journey hence to Heaven." 112 EPITAPHS. At Stepney (1683) : " Whoever treadeth on this stone, I pray you tread most neatly ; For underneath the same doth lie Your honest friend, Will Wheatiy." William Shakespeare died April 23, 1616, set. 52, and was buried in the chancel of the church at Stratford. The monument erected to his memory represents the poet with a thought- ful countenance, resting on a cushion and in the act of writing. On a tablet underneath are inscribed these lines : " Stay, passenger : why dost thou go so fast ? Read, if thou canst, whom envious death hath placed Within this monument, — Shakespeare ; with whom Quick Nature died; whose name doth deck the tomb Far more than cost ; since all that he hath writ Leaves living Art but page to serve his wit: " and on the flat stone covering the grave, is inscribed, in very irregular characters, the follow- ing quaint supplication, blessing, and menace : " Good Friend, for Jesvs sake forbeare To digg t-e dvst EncloAsed HERE ; Blest be t-e Man \ spares T-hs stones, And cvrst be He \ moves my bones." EPITAPHS. Hi We cannot give the location of the two fol- lowing, but they are said to he authentic : " Sister, mother, aunt and me Were run over. Here we be. We should have had no time to missle, Had they blown the engine's whistle." " Weep, stranger, for a father spilled From a stage coach, and thereby killed. His name, J. Sykes, a maker of sassengers, Slain with three other outside passengers." In Lavenham Church, Norfolk ; ob. 1534 : " Continuall prayse these lynes in brass Of Allaine Dister here, A Clothier vertuous whyle he was In Lavenham many a yeare ; For as in lyfe he loved best The poore to cloche and feede, Soe with the riche and alle the reste He neighbourlie agreed ; And did appoint before he died, A spiall* yearlie rent, Which should be every Whitsontide Amonge the poorest spent." * Special. 114 EPITAPHS. A tombstone in St. Alphage Churchyard, Canterbury, England, bearing the name of " Agnes Halke who died A. D. 1502," has this stanza : " In this churchyard was so her chance, First after the hallowing of the same, Afore all others to begin the dance, Which to all others is the loth game." Agnes Halke, it appears, was the first person interred in St. Alphage Churchyard, and so, in a figurative sense, she led the " Dance of Death/' which to all is the " loth " game. At St. Paul's, Bedford : " Patience, wife of Shadrach Johnson. The mother of 24 children and died in childbed, June 6, 1717, aged 38 years. Shadrach ! Shadrach ! The Lord granted unto thee Patience, Who laboured long and patiently In her vocation ; But her patience being exhausted She departed in the midst of her labour JEtat. 38. May she rest from her labours ! " EPITAPHS, 115 In the church of Ightham, near Seven Oaks, Kent, is a mural monument, with the bust of a lady who was famous for her needlework, and was traditionally reported to have written the letter to Lord Monteagle which resulted in the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot. The fol- lowing is the inscription : "D. D. D. To the pretious name and honour of Dame Dorothy Selby, Relict of Sir William Selby, Kt. the only daughter and heire of Charles Bonham, Esq. She was a Dorcas, Whose curious needle wound the abused stage Of this leud world into the golden age ; Whose pen of steel and silken inck enrolled The acts of Jonah in records of gold ; Whose arte disclosed that plot, which had it taken, Rome had triumphed, and Britain's walls had shaken. She was In heart a Lydia, and in tongue a Hanna ; In zeale a Ruth, in wedlock a Susanna ; Prudently simple, providently wary, To the world a Martha, and to heaven a Mary. Who put on ( in the year ) Pilgrimage, 69. immortality \ of her ) Redeemer, 1614." Ii6 EPITAPHS. A correspondent of the "New Tork Mail" thus writes from Margate, England : " Strolling through the grassy c God's acre ' outside of the church, my eye caught the simple headstone which one hundred and twenty years ago was erected to the memory of Richard Joy, 4 the strong man of Kent,' who, in the year 1699, exhibited his muscular powers before William of Orange and the English court, and whose achievements included the breaking of a rope capable of resisting a strain of 35 cwt., and the lifting a load weighing upwards of a ton. The following is the inscription on the gravestone: , RlCHARD JoY? Died 18th May, 1842. Aged 67. Herculean hero ! fam'd for strength, At last lies here his Breadth and Length ; See how the Mighty Man is fall'n, To Death ye Strong and Weak are all one, And the same Judgment doth befall Goliah Great as David Small.' It is said that this English Samson, after ceasing to exhibit his physical powers, engaged in maritime pursuits. These c maritime pur- suits' included smuggling; and in attempting to baffle the revenue officers he was drowned." EPITAPHS. 117 The following is from a tombstone in an old graveyard of a western city :