Class ~Jsl1J£__ Bonk ^R.1b._ V POLITICAL OATS. A KERNEL OR TWO FOR EVERYBODY. P R I ( K TEX C K IV T S. WINCHELL, SMALL & CO., 48 ANN STREET, NEW YORK. E67f according to Aet of Congress, in the jear 1872, by WINCHELL, SMALL & CO.. Is the office of the .'Librarian of Congress at Washington. POLITICAL OATS THRESHED FROM ALL PARTIES. THE GREAT ULYSSES, AS HE APPEARS UNIFORMED AND ACCOUTRED FOR HIS SECOND .'EAT RUN OVER " THAT LINE" TO THE WHITE HOUSE. THE ABSENCE OK THH I'.'VENTIONAL-BULL PUP WILL HE NOTICED, AS THE ARTIST WHO DREW THIS POR- AIT rS A WHITE MAN, AND DON'T CARE A SNAl' WHO LS ELECTED. SKINEM SOLLOCK'S ORATION GREELEY. ON Fellow-citizens, Democrats, and Lib- eral Bummers : — From the lofty heights of Borax to the valleys of Ballyhoo — where the gentle alli- gator simmers in the splendor of the noon- day sun and softly woos the pulsating frog and the mellifluous mosquito with the mur- murous sweetness of his tongue — the name of Greeley awakes the long-slumberine echoes of freedom. The sound of them echoes, fellow-citizens, like the strings of an old banjo, will vibrate and swell the chorus of "Anything to Beat Grant," when caught up again, as surely they will be, b,> the glorious rag-tag and bob-tail of the Democracy. Where was Grant when General Greeley drew his pen and rushed in amid the din and roar of conflict, shouting the •• Battle- cry of Freedom *' and things ? Where was he ? He was a-sittin' playing cut-throat ™AT B 0OK, COAT, HAT, AXD UMBRELLA— BIT ESPECIALLY ''THAT COAT." IT KATS THE COAT OF JOSEPH BY SEVERAL COLOUS, AND IS SO BUILT THAT IT MAY BR TCIiXEP AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE. GRANNY GsE'ELEY, A> SHE APPEARED WITH HER DOLLY VaHDEN ON, COQUETTING WITH A RESPECTABLE OLD PARTY BY THE NAME OF DEMOCRACY, IN THE HOPE THAT HE WOULD TAKE TO HER FOB BETTER OR WORSE. On ACCOUNT OF HER FINE FIGURE, IT IS SUPPOSED, THE COURTSHIP BROUGHT ABOUT A MATCH, AND THE ANCIENT COUPLE ARE NOW GOINfi \i: HT THE COUNTRY ON THEIR HONEYMOON TOUR. euchre — penny -a-corner — and feeding his bull-purps on cord-wood and tanner's mo- lasses. Yes, fellow-citizens; anil there he sot and sot, anil smoked like a tenement- house chimney. Where was Ulisticus Grand and his Cold tacts when, shoulder to shoulder, Greeley shied his castor into the Tammany Ring, and, with one fierce swing of Ids hoots, slung 'cm all out of time .' Why, (Jlisticns was swallowing Kentuek calamity by the tjiiait, and doin' liis own washing! We are here, feller-citizens, to have a rat- itication meeting. I'll take my ratification straight — no sugar in mine. Horace Brown and Gratz Greeley arc the roosters to do our Crowing. When they flap their wings, Grant Shanghais get up and git! Anything to beat somebody. Wam-wam in Chappaqua ; roar, roar, tor the old axe- heaver is coming! On, Sumner, ou ! Ad- vance the standard of free trade, tree love, free drinks, free votes, free lunch, free di- vorce, and fre ■ shirts. Fellow-citizens, if yon elect Grant, he'll plant the iron heel of a double-breasted tyr- anny upon your manly breasts, and hurl you into the curriculum where his brindle purps gnash their San Domingo teeth forever and ever. What does he iare for the great American eagle, or any other menagerie? Take Greeley— see him wrap himself up in the majestic folds of the constitution, put on his socks, and come the double-shuffle on two platforms without missing a step. You dout catch him wasting his time loafing about wateriu' places, eating saud-pais r and tramplin' on the rights and corns of fche descendants of our forefathers and the res* of our relations. Fellow-citizens, elect old Horace — pot him up, and put him in ; then will the loud cry of liberty be heard by millions yet an born, with more to come ! Who cares for the Alabama clams i We'll shove 'em down the red flannel throat of John Bull till his stomach ia turned into a chowder-bag. In the la* - "The Latkr Franklin" as he appeared, three tears ago, when flying HIS KITE FOR STATE COMPTROLLER. He HAS NEVER VET WRITTEN " WHAT i IvNOVT a butt Kiting." SUMNEB THE ©BEAT (BLOWER). HI. HO*,DS FORTH ON THE NEGRO. HIS WHOLE LSCOURSE is negro; BUT ODE COLORED BROTHERS don't SEEM TO SEE THINGS IN THE SAME LIGHT AS he DOES. PERHAPS HE OVERDOSES HIS LISTENERS. ..« .n,,T THIS IS THE MEPMSTOPHILES OF THE WHOLE CHARLES DANA AND HIS IDOL. — IHIN »""■ H]g pEN HAS BEEN EVOLUTION. HE DIDN'T GET ™* "f^J£Sfe5* AGAINST HIM EVEE SINCE. HE IS A JOLLY DEVIL, ALTI Q BEAT GRA NT. HE THROWS AT GRANT OFTEN APPEAR UPON HIS OAN N FACE. HENRY WILSON. THIS IS THE HONEST SHOEMAKER AND CONSCIENTIOUS COBBLER OF ALL BAD JOBS. HIS PROFESSION, IN CONNECTION WITH THAT OF A TANNER, IS SUPPOSED TO CARRY OCT THE OLD SAYING, " THERE IS NOTHING LIKE LEATHER." HENRY IS DETERMINED TO FIGHT UNTIL THE HITTER (WAXEI)) END, THE QUESTION BEING, "WHICH LOVES THE DARKEY MOST, "WILSON OR SUMNER. 1 ' PROBABLY HENRY COl'LP DO MORE FOR THEIR SOLES. 10 guage of Ward Beecher, when he turned his first flip-flap in his green and salad cir- cus days, " Heads I win, tails I fall — and Satan take the hindmost You can't skin an eel by greasing his eyebrows." Take off your coats ; hang 'em up where they'll be safe, and wade in for the old wood- chucker. Feller-citizens, lefs all go and set up with a sick man till the bottle's empty. Now, then, three cheers for— three cheers for — At this instant the softened remains of a defunct feline came in sudden and violent contact with the intellectual features of the speaker, and brought his tremendous eftbrtw to an ignominious close. It is said that Greeley hasn't backbone enough for President. We suggest that they blow the marrow out of his spinal column and run a lightning- rod down it, so the old man can have something to " brace up" on. Thk fouiNDLing— Civil Rights Bill. Mbs. Sumnek asks Henry Wilson t» SHAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY. " It IS AS MUCH YOUR CHILD AS IT IS MINE, HbMEY. Horace refuses to be even a stkp-father to it. Don't forsake me, Henry ! 11 Here are a few prominent politicians. The first picture represents tii km in the palmy days of the Tammany King. They could then pitch pennies and enjoy themselves in various ways. but the last pictures them -a hen the days of sorrow were upon them ; when drinks were hard to be got, and the " slate " showed many a noble name. " t is rough," but, according to the accepted rule, it is fair. •» 12 THIS IS BENNY BUTLER. HE IS PARTAKING OK HIS PAP. PERHAPS VOL' MAT THINK HE LOOKS TOO MUCH LIKE A MULE, OR SOMETHING OK THAT KIND ; BUT THOSE EARS ARE ONLY THE ENDS OF HIS NAPKIN. BEN IS ONE OF THE NICEST MEN THAT EVER LIVED, BUT HIS LOOKS ARE SOMEWHAT AGAINST HIM. HE IS GRANT'S RIGHT-HAND MAN, AND CAN STIR UP A BREEZE QUICKER THAN ANY ONE WHO EVER TOOK THE STUMP. IF HE LIVES LONG ENOUGH HE'LL BE GOVERNOR OF MASSACHUSETTS. 13 Banks turned a political "flip-flap." Onk of our comic papers calls Greeley a What was that a sign off That he was he school-marm. 'Tis said the real school- done on one side, don't it ! manns are awful mad about it. This shows what political enthusiasm, assisted by champagne, w;ll do. The old gentleman who has mounted the table has hitherto been known Us one of the most quiet old deacons in the world ; bit one ob two bottles warm him up to such a pitch that he gets upon the table and makes a speech for Greeley and Brown. Query : Does that speak well for the liquor, ok bad for the deacon ! ^V^fctfcT^ HARK, FROM THE TOMBS! Old Politician. — Now, Billy, you and I have barely escaped a home in th» place; in fact, here is the hole that was dug foe you, and heee are the CRAVES OF YOUR POLITICAL FRIENDS. TlIERE IS ONE WAY TO ESCAPE— ONE WAY f KEEP OUT OF THIS HOLE. B-ifly. — Well, how is it ? 0. P. — Come out boldly for the " reform " party. It will astonish yoor HES SO MUCH THAT THEY WILL DROP YOU. T'v GOING TO JOIN 'EM. I.") The Agriculturist says : " The hiter cab- bage has a small heart. The head is large, aud, at its ripest, very soft and irregular," etc., which is a very unkind cat at the author of " What I Know about Farming," Whoever says it is a description of the later Franklin, is — what d'ye call it ; a what's his name and a thingamy, by Cripel This is the virtuous Governor who would gladly have left his islan» ROCK AND GONE TO WASHINGTON; BUT THE POLITICAL WATERS WERE TOO DARK AM» ANGRY, AND HE DARED NOT VENTURE FORTH. AND THERE HE SITS, AND THERE HH WILL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO SIT UNTIL THE WATERS SUBSIDE AND HE IS UNSEATED. 16 17 I « « a i o STRAIl Y DIS NTS" i 5^3 d. ? S '-U [T «* a - k- 2* J ~ ?9 2~ a « « ? 3 h ■; Bi j -I < 20 i : i ■! HOEACE "HOLD3 FORTH TO AN "IMMENSE CROWD OK ADMIRERS. HOI.WCK. HAS BEEN NOMINATED, YOU KNOV THIS rS Al'TKV ONE OK THE STEONG-MINDED FEMALES, SHWING AXU ARRANGING HER TOILET, PRE- PARATORY TO ATTENDING A POLITICAL MEETING WHERE SHE IS EXPECTED TO "SHINE." CARRY THE NEWS TO GREELEY. I. Oh. have you hoard the latest news That's trembling on the air 1 A verdict's rendered from the South — "lis shouted everywhere. Old North Carolina leads the van, Has spoken out quite freely ; Then get up, wake up, let 'er rip, And carry the neivs to Greeley. II. Go tell him Schurz has got a pain, That Sumner's griped with colic, And that the Grant men all around Are having a great frolic ; Gratz Brown is packing up his trunk, And Dana feels quite mealy ; Then get up, wake up, let 'ei rip, And carry the news to Greeley. III. They say the General loves a horse — We'll give him now a team ; He'll drive his two " terms" right along. Like lightning hitched to steam. The old Tar State has gone true blue; It's true, they say 'tis really ; She's pitched the " Liberals'' overboard— Go curry the news to Greeley. 21 What he knows about gua* ting.— The splice between Horace Greeley and the Democratic party appears to be very much like a job of grafting, but which is the graft and which is the tree that seeks the im- provement it woidd be hard to determine. The 5th of November will show whether this marriage is productive of fruit or not, or whether it won't be sour apples after all. "What 1 Know About Grafting" will probably be his next book. The New York World and the Tribune shake hands across the North Carolina vie torv. A rebel victory always did make the World rejoice, but it used to have a con- trary effect upon the Tribune. But, "any- thing to beat Grant." A.N old farmer, when asked what lie thought of the Greeley matter, replied : " I think it is like a young robbin, biggest when first hatched." -HEELtu I THIS IS UNCLE SAM, THE COBBLER. A LIBERAL COMES INTO "l* SHOP WITH rHE OLD BOOT " DEMOCRACY," WISHING TO GET IT REPAIRED. SAYS UNCLE SAM I— "GIT OUT! THERE'S NO USE TRYING TO FIX UP THAT OLD AFFAIR j U 'S L'ASl W.I REPAIR. SALTBETRK AMD ELECTRICITY WON'T BRING IT TO LIFE AGAIN. Anothkr of the stroxg-mixded. li Tell me, dearest Chabl.es, will you no* v-we for Greeley? He is a nice old man, and vert mfch of a woman. Tbul mb, darling, that yoi' will vote for him." The New York Tribune is getting to be a eapital Democratic paper. It has advanced so far that it can refer to " Ben Butler stealing spoons," thus appropriating the »egro minstrels' and Brick Pomeroy's thun- der. As Pomeroy refuses to support Greeley, we suppose the Tribune is trying to win over Briek"s subscribers. Why is Horace Greeley like bran? Be- etiBse he is the result of the bolt. This may be a trifle mealy, but it's good. Horace Greeley says he has always been a Democrat. We guess that's so, for had it been otherwise the party could never have kept him on its stomach no long as it already has. A uamuler said the other da] : "Judging from the hands they hold, I think Greeley is going to win this Presidential game.' 1 Judging by the hands the two candidates lorite, we think Grant, the best fitted for the office. '_':: The New York Herald calls the toting of Greeley around among the countrymen a great mora] wax-figure show. Something .similar, we should say, to the one that Artemus Ward used to exhibit. August Belmont don't care much for Horace Greeley. All he wants is the hundred and seventy-five millions of gold that BoutweU has got hoarded up as the yellow nest-egg of our magnificent credit. In ease Greeley is elected ami goes bo Washington, it is doubtful if he will be inl« to get a- Bout-well. Tin: Liberals Baj they are lighting the old battle over again. That's what we shall all have to do ifthej are successful ILoiiACK is actually trying to make ,i ne.i-o of himself. •• Doff the lion's felt and i 'tit; a calf's skin on *hy recreant limbs." LTTICaL MEETINGS— THE EFFECT THEY HAVE ON PEOPLK HriHon. — Hello, Jones, where have you keen! Jones. — Hici what? <>h, been ter peelitical meetin'. Fac' is, Rkown, ■* PARTY'S HOIIX' TER WIN. (THAT si. I'll. Ks IT.) Vic Woodhull is in a bad fix. She is ©ne of the Presidential candidates, and yet the poorest of them all : she can't even vote lor herself. George Francis Train or Daniel Pratt can heat her one vote at least. Susan B. Anthony has stripped for the tight. We should think that would produc e ;i peal of' laughter. They have a Buchanan Club in Pennsyl- vania. Probably it is composed of some of those old Short-honied fellows who still vote for u Johnny Bu.*' The women are going back on Horace the worst way. Serves him right ; he went back on them. If they could only vote, how they would rise the old man. THAT MAKES IT RIGHT. Unci.— Why, Chaelie, you are drunk! Where have tou been, sir! Charlie. — Oh, I've been to a political meeting. Uncle. — What kind of a political meeting, sir, that you should comb KKOM IT IN SUCH A BEASTLY STATE OF INTOXICATION ? niarlic. — Why, to a Greeley meeting to be sure. Uncle. — Oh, well, that's all right, then. When a man is very hungry he will swallow almost anything without stopping ^o ask whether it is lish, flesh,) or good smoked herring. That must be the case with the Democrats when they bolt down Horace without oil or vinegar. It isn't u anything to beat Giant" so much as it is "anything to beat back into port again" with them. Well, as a party, it always did have a strong stomach. It is now believed that the reason Greeley didn't offeml the Democracy when he called them horse-thieves, blacklegs, pugilists, etc., is because he told the truth — at least the Democratic papers now supporting him say he is "a truthful man.' 1 ••A shkntlkman dot is very elastic mil his prams," is the way a brother Teuton desi ribes Schurz. Ffflirii:;; 1 . 1 !! ^-:\ :\; ';:::],■' Johnson. — Well, how is this, Bobstay! Bobsiay. — I tells yer how it is, Johnson. 1 was oh the committee of REFRESH- MENTS, AND THERE Wasn't MANY COME. So I JUS' WENT FOB TER SAVE THAT LICKEF FROM BEING SPOILED THAT'S What's THE MATTER WITH OUR HaNNAH. CaKRY THE news to Hiram ! ue A WEE FEMALE POLITICIAN. Little Famty. — Now, Papa, if you'll only vote for Greeley, Pi,l :ote for YOUR CANDIDATE WHEN I GET BIG ENOUGH. HORACE KISSES BABIES, AND I LIKE HIM FOB IT. H. G., the other day, was curiously ex- amining two fine pictures, which hung side- by side on the wall of the reception-room of a Portland hotel. u Whose portraits are those f " squeaked tfie philosopher, addressing one of his keepeis. u Them — them — really, your excellency, I don't know. We must have yours beside that larger one — I think it's Webster." " Yes, yes, if yon wish ; but find out whose the other one is." Committeeman rushed about; returned with a large framed lithograph of the phil- osopher, and hung it up beside the Webster. Presently a Grantite came along. "There, isn't that appropriate? Web- ster in the centre, Mr. Greeley on the right, and who — who is the other one ? " " Benedict Arnold," said the Grantite. The. committeeman suddenly remembered the story of Mount Calvary, and close*! np. BORGIA mau ha,s invented a little machine, which, by the simple turn of a crank, can bemadeto multiply, divide, add, and subtract the square rook It multi- plied correctly 9876 by 3456 in two minutes. Be wants to sell it to the leaders of the Dem.-Liberal party to add up their majori- ties; but they refuse to buy. believing that hc\ would not have an opportunity to turn the crank once in two decades: and as for subtracting and dividing, they .say, if thej ■ i 4.1 into office (hey will show bo\r deftly that can be done without a maohiixv And we believe them ! Grant, the gift-taker, says the reaseu the Sorehead Etepubs have deserted him is that he refused the only two presents they had to offer him — Greeley and Schurz. Ih» couldn't accept such useless lumber aad besides, he had already a sufficiency •{ banking stock on hand. STRONG-MINDED AND DESPERATE! wiignant " Liberal" Wife.— How dare ror, sin. to wave your handkebchibj Greeley procession* If 1 ever catch you at such a thing again, I will In TO a POLL EVERY HAIR OUT OF YOUR SENSELESS HEAD. 28 ANOTHER STRONG-MINDED ONE. Wife. NOW, SIR, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN UNTIL THIS LATE HOUR i Husband. — Why, my dear, I — I — don't be axory, I have been to a political MEETING. Wife. — What kind of a political meeting, sir ? Husband. — To a Woodhull and Douglass meeting. Wife. — It is lucky that you have been in good company; fob if I ever catch you going to any of those vile Grant or Greeley meetings, I will pill your nose out of joint, and keep you on bread and water for a month. A "Leber ax" organ facetiously asks: " Will Grant withdraw ? The heavens above him are so dark and beclouded, that not a ray of light illumines them." The heavens are bright and cloudless compared to what they were when Grant was fight- ing the Democratic party in " The Wilder- ness" — and he didn't think of withdrawing then. You know Greeley says "he has never been beaten, and never will be .'" 29 GOING FOE GREELEY. a W,- „>< ufvn SENT BY THE GREELEY COMMITTEE This is Mr. Absalom S «™°\*** A **™\Z™ only on,, .nhabitant in- to SHAKE UP THE DRY BONES OK RuFFUNHAM. 1 ,M ";' „ AOAISOT THE TOWN, HE PROCEEDS TO REPEAT HIS SPEECH To HIM A , «■ - • «* ■ VOTING FOR GRANT, THK military DESPOT, but TO vote for HE CAN. „ Boy.SAV, WHAT KINO OF BAIT DOES HE FISH WID ! 30 Bbn. Butler says the cause of his op 1 1 'Sing Greeley's election is that it won't do i i have two natural curiosities in Wash- ii gton at the same time. It's as much as the government can stand now to have Ben there. He isn't going to revive the old scandal by robbing the editorial frater- nity of New York of the biggest Spoon in it. Not much. A nbw Swedish paper, just starfcpd in Minnesota, distinctly says: "Vidare sager han pa tal ran Grant- Wilson ska nomina tion. Sadanna ord gora sqatlanga artiklar ofverflodigal." Just as we expected ! This is a complete refutation of the charges of nepotism and things brought against Grant by his enemies, who deserve to be called " ofverflodigal8 " and other hard names. THE DIFFERENCE Grant Ebony. — Go 'way, common nigger, I belongs ro de quality. Puoh ! YOU SMELLS. Greeley Ebony. — Well, don't you smell! Wouldn't gib much foe you if yer couldn't. Go 'long ; MONEY makes de mak go. but HONESTY GOES FOE HORACE. Want any whitewash ino done tor your pArty? 31 BLOODY DANGER OF THE COUNTRY. Mrs. Rafferty. — Bad luck ter that bloody hathkn, he's spilin my business WID HIS DAM CHAPE CRAME. Mr. Fogerty. — Mrs. Rafferty, that bloody Chinaman's a Grant man. We MUST PUT THEM DOWN, OR THE COUNTRY WILL GO TO THER DIVIL WID THIS BLOODY CHjfPE LABOR. Be SURE AN VOTE FOR GREELEY, AN Iff THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY ONCE GETS IN POWER, MRS. RAFFERTY, WE'LL HAVE GOOD TIMES, AN NO 'BLOODY IIATHENS SHALL INTERFERE WID YER BUSINESS. Tbk N. Y. Sun is talking about Grant "■ bowing the knee to Baal." It is the first intimation we have had that Grant ever had aHV idea of worship- ping Dana. ■ Gbm. McClellan goes for Greeley. It he goes for him in the same manner he went for the rebels, it isn't likely lie will ever get within sight of tbe chopper-quack of Ohappaqua. X To the Reader, — In order to get at the point of the jojke embodied in THIS II, LUSTRATION, i,h MUST READ TIIH CONTENTS OK THIS HOOK. A PRIZE PACKAGE 18 AWARDED TO THOSE WHO SEE THE POINT AND DEMONSTRATE IT TO THE P.ETAILER OF THIS PUBLICATION. It IS WORTH GOINO FOB. Re WISB IN TIME. THE DIAMOND fields of Arizona are nothino when compared to what is ix store in this particular instance