1^% "°o .<& '* ++$ :£f&\ *°f 'life: to : The Pope and the New Crusade BY POLYBIUS 7 TRADE |i| TUXEDO |$| MARK. .je? ■ \qio THE KNITTED TUXEDO SUIT, FOR LADIES AND MISSES. fHESE knitted textures for mountain wear have no equal, jJlSE they are light in weight and very comfortable ; are also *** adapted for the Seashore, Yachting, Lawn-tennis, etc. Can only be obtained at JAMES McCREERY & CO.'S, Broadway and nth Street, - - NEW YORK The Pope and The New Crusade BY POLYBIUS ^•" Os Leonis Os Petri (JUL 13 1 EIS KOIPANOS E2TI2." — Iliad, ii., 204. NEW YORK THOMAS R. KNOX & CO. SUCCESSORS TO JAMES MILLER Si 7 Broadway \ own ,f^ Copyright, 1887 By THOMAS R. KNOX & CO. TROWS PRINTING AND BOOKBINDING COMPANY NEW YORK. I. THE POPE AND THE NEW CRUSADE. r. Philanthropic feats benign We relate, oh ! Tuneful Nine, To galvanize this sick, lethargic land and age! Scatter opulence broadcast — Hoodlums, cobblers at the last — Come, toiling crowds, participate our mission sage ! IT. Hidden truths shall we reveal, Mystic laws boldly unseal, Erstwhile clos'd to all misgovern'd sons of Eve! Nature's bounties spread apace — Cataractic floods of grace Perennial flow on who our craze sublime be- lieve ! The Pope and the in. Theories sophistical, Mephistophelistical— Far from pre-Adamic nations fresh imported, The primordial chaos (At the millionnaire's sole loss) To the poor man's balance-sheet straightway transported ! IV. By our potent magic wand We'll so reinvest the land Sobs and groans, like Egypt's plagues, '11 flee before us ! Then, in patriarchal ways, Happy lisp life's laughing lays, Enchanted nature disenthralls, resume the chorus ! New Crusade. v. Jovian paternity ! Georgian fraternity ! Ho ! clear the way for " The Cross of the New Crusade ! " " No Pov'rty Society " (Grab unto satiety) — Zounds ! nor land, nor light, nor — moonshine, by man was made ! VI. Our saving Cross — an axe, Our supreme law — no tax, Go blissful bask in sunlit bowers all life long! " The sanctity of labor " (The fair Eve's apple savor,) It ringeth blithely as king rooster's matin song ! 8 The Pope and the VII. Bucolic creed Dianian, Herbaceous — all Arcadian — Knight-toilers iEolian evangel reverent ! Oh ! tender tulip teacher, Oh ! pretty pansy preacher, Archimandrite of the " unearned increment !" VIII. In the sweat upon thy brow (Spake the One Eternal Now) Curst ! shalt thou eat the bread of life till life's a blank ? Pshaw ! superstitious trader (Glosseth our arch crusader — Awry bear of Pennsylvania's mountebank ! ) New Crusade. IX. Ah ! grim, hybrid alliance — Mongrel twin-apes of science List ! they've seized the tail of the scientific eel ! Ay ! dupe brainless multitudes — Cads, cranks, callous spinsters, dudes ! Ye doom'd denizens of stern Uncle Sam's bas- tile! X. Ills of Capital ye fight (Only $75.00 per night!) Rome's Capitol was sav'd by half seventy geese ! To bamboozle the masses Go in to scalp the classes — Alack ! rich, poor, high, low, amuck go on to fleece ! io The Pope and the XL Swift swells big golden " divvy," Now sport the gay " Tantivy " Tally-ho ! thro' hill and dell, heigh ! Faugha- balaugh ! Sancho Panza George for "whip," Ev'ry mile the cheering "nip," Homing, wreathe the foaming bowl — in Pov'rty Hollow ! XII. Peter's piscatorial hook, Temper'd fine in Kedron's brook, Greek George nerv'd of old to bag the slimy Dragon ; Ha ! th' anglers of our Zion Fish wide of Tiber's Lion, Ho ! dragoon'd they drive Old Harry's mar- ket wagon ! New Crusade. u XIII. Behold the New Creation ! Fat, frothy declamation, Neoplastic, black, de-Christianiz'd Labarum ! Of belov'd " disciple " blest (Oh ! ye gods, give us a rest !) Ghastly shade of ghostly "Judices Cau- sarum ! " II. THE CRUSADER TO THE POPE. I. Hail, High Pontiff ! from afar Come I, not to carry war 'Gainst the rock that pulverizeth kings and sages, But to fix the Pope's own eyes On th' abysmal truth that lies In great Henry George's rich-embroider'd pages ! II. In fact, Most Holy Father, You need advice the rather — That mere garbl'd information prepossesses ; Even lofty minds like yours, Nay, at times mayhap obscures — The which your countless loving sons sore distresses. 1 6 The Crusader to the Pope. in. In American affairs There's a set of millionnaires — Gosh ! they want to ride it roughshod o'er the masses ! So myself and Henry George Weapons engineer'd to forge Once for all to " put a head " upon the classes ! IV. What with gross fatuity, Wanton ambiguity, Weeping millions of the people outcasts hurl'd ! Laws in fallacies founded, By judges base expounded, The whole fabric of society's imperill'd ! The Crusader to the Pope. 1 7 Customs, usages clean wrong, Government itself a song, Oh ! bless this " New Crusade " — all sorrow's panacea ! Give knaves, rogues, intrig'ing swarms, "Their belly full of reforms ;" No fabl'd sucklings we of lupine priestess Rhea. VI. Fancy not we're quite so green As to worship "the machine" Of your singularly " mixed " administration ; Nor diplomatic fakirs, Nor toged mischief-makers, Can our end achieve — mankind's emancipa- tion ! 1 8 The Crusader to the Pope. VII. Far more papal than the Pope, We'll not give the rich free rope — Our wage-winning hosts t' enslave on bread and water ; Rather win unique renown, Samsonize New York's old town, Hail ! Neroic, Roman holiday of slaughter ! VIII. Just to our plans pray " tumble," Nor be cajol'd to stumble. Lo ! we'll revive the halcyon days of Mother Church ! But by Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, If our cause you frown upon, We'll leave Pope, Vatican, Prop'ganda in the The Crusader to the Pope. 19 IX. Let Rome's Pontiff understand Mighty Heaven made the land For all Noah's sons' delight and common glory ! Lest some " club " from West'rn shores Wi' rough, rugged, roofless pores — Tom'hawk "th' old gentleman's stove-pip'd upper story ! " X. Put an apostolic ban ! On the liberties of man ! In Manhattan's sea-girt citadel of freedom ! Harp in harmonious staves, With tough Tammany's brusque braves ! Bones of Franklin ! this is resurrecting Tweedom ! 20 The Crusader to the Pope. XI. " Compensation ! — not a penny ! " (What ! tak'st me for a Jenny ?) Unto the heartless, "miscall'd owners of the soil!" Let the rich wax richer still ? Let the poor man tread the mill ? Great Scott ! it makes my blood like 'Frisco's geysers boil ! XII. Strong behind us are the " Knights" (Ahem! O'Brien's " black-eye " frights—) You bet they capture, sure, next Presidential vote ; Mark ! I've given you the hint, In this matter there's a mint, Your man to Washington our " wave " '11 sure- ly float. The Crusader to tJie Pope. 2 1 XIII. With this choice evangel true, We bid Your Holiness — adieu ! Remember, prithee ! we are nearing fast the " Fall." Whosoever trusts in me, Says good-by to poverty — Well ! see you later on the question — " AFTER ALL." III. THE POPE TO THE CRU- SADER. Now, good Doctor, quoth the Pope, ( We can give thee no soft soap (As to far-famed Blarney Castle — We ne'er saw it ;) Unto us it clear appears, Thou art boxing thine own ears, While thy headless doct'ral cap — shame ! why so paw it ? II. Thy stale sophisms We've conn'd well, Calm, unsway'd by warping spell — In the empyrean vision of CHIEF PASTOR ; And we notify thee, hark ! To collide with Peter's bark Means, on this and yonder shore, supreme disaster. 26 The Pope to the Crusader. in. In Our peerless Urban school, Learned'st not how to keep cool ? Alas ! full quick wayward urchins dodge their lessons ! Head and heart alike soon turn, Into scorpions that burn — Such reckless priests curses spread instead of " blessin's." IV. " Emancipate all labor ! " False, fribble, sly palaver — Crude, rancid cantWe loathe as simply bestial : On thy soul a golden brand, Hold ! bespatterest with sand ! Priests should soar to higher regions all celes^ tial ! The Pope to the Crusader. 27 v. Why not embark in letters ? Break culture's iron fetters ? Go to sea ? or shoulder arms ? or something bigger ? Or exploit some winsome part In the fairy realms of Art ? Why descend so low to play coarse cellar- digger ? VI. Give up mock Theology, Take up Ichthyology, In due course, we ween, they'll acclaim thee Doctor Fish ! But within the Master's House, List ! no tricky, vicious chouse May chaos breed. Beware ! only themselves such dish. 28 The Pope to the Crusader. VII. Thy extremely shallow pate Would depict all real estate As a cancer in the bowels of creation — Would enthrone State despotism Above rank absolutism By a weird, barbaric scheme of confiscation. VIII. Would'st depose the gang in power, Far viler elves t' embower, 'Mid luscious plums of fragrant pelf and plunder ; In spurious indignation, Cast dust all o'er the nation, Ha entomb a Continent in blood and thun- der. The Pope to the Crusader. 29 IX. Pray, is government a myth ? Rather, is it not the pith Of wickedness in demented men t' ambition, Under pretence of "reform," T arouse a ruinous storm, Then pluck th' " unearned increment " of po- sition ? God rained down upon the land, The sweat of thy father's hand ; Wretch ! when face down'r'd, cross his knees he spank'd thee well, All too soon th' old man let up — Christians sip the wormwood cup. Arise, avenger ! worm remorse ! ope gaping Hell ! 30 The Pope to the Crusader. XI. Blaze th' incendiary's fuse ! What have murd'rous cranks to lose ? Without honor, credit, fortune, reputation ! Homes of happiness ignite ? Plenty, peace, and progress blight ? Crushing myriad guileless hearts in desola- tion J XII. What ! thinkest, in sooth, to sham That grave Mentor — Uncle Sam ? In loyal son, ah me ! parricidal raking! But We'll show, before We've done, Thy mental web's too thin spun — Thieves oft twist their own death-couch in halter-making. The Pope to the Crusader. 31 XIII. Our late predecessor's feet, With unbounded love to greet, Came pilgrims from all States of great Colum- bia — To revere this See of Sees, They defied proud Neptune's sneeze (We were then a plain Archbishop down in Umbria.) XIV. Nay, long centuries before, Tell historians galore (Unto no nation Primal Chair deigns to pan- der,) When the jealous Portuguese, Fain 'd thwart the Genoese, Say, Doctor mine ! who drew the line ? Pope Alexander ! 32 The Pope to the Crusader. xv. Nor floats abroad, unfurl'd, In this vast, majestic world (Our own undimm'd Tiara greets her lustrous Stars ! ) One flag in whose ample fold Pontiff, prelates, people hold — Such Stripes to lash the frenzied votaries of Mars ! XVI. Touching Mr. Buncombe George (Chatter-boxes must disgorge) 'Tis writ — How keep his fingers clean that toucheth pitch ? Even school-boys understand, As 'twixt law and lifeless land, " Can the blind lead the blind" — save into the ditch ? The Pope to the Crusader. 33 XVII. What alliance with the spade, Hath the ministerial blade Of Christ's generals high empow'r'd to lead the fold ? Trail the altar in the dust ? Burn incense to the lust ? Of monstrous firebrands whose sole god is filthy gold ? XVIII. Then beloved, erring child (We would breathe but accents mild,) Ponder deep that thrice-blest day of Ordina- tion ! When the Pentecostal Dove 'Spous'd thy soul in hallow'd love — Mvstic Lamb t' immolate in clean oblation. 34 The Pope to the Crusader. XIX. From a Pontiff's heart immense, T'ward all weaklings void of sense, To Him who purg'd of old Isaiah's lips with fire, Our best orisons ascend Thy odd, hircic ways to mend, Magdalene's tears and stout resolve thy breast inspire. XX. Avaunt ! Plutonic nitre ! Revere thy Bishop's mitre, See the lowly, gentle, graceful, drooping osier ! Humbly bow thy stubborn neck, Scandal's turbid torrent check, Else depart ! with deathless smart of PETER'S CROZIER!!! * W EBB R> THE WEBER PIANOS TIRE CONSTRUCTED from the musician's standpoint as well as that A of the mechanic ; hence these instruments are distinguished from all others by that pure and sympathetic quality of tone that contains the greatest musical possibilities —that consummation of mechanical excellence that admits of the MOST DELICATE AND IMPRESSIVE EFFECTS, while insuring the durability of the instrument ; and that uniform superiority that enhances the pleasure of both performer and listener. 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