* ^^ 0^ o«V* 6^ oO-"- "ono^ .^ «. ..« ' .>%^a"» '-^.^^ c** .*/Slfeii*. «^ A* .*j<\^^l'" \ J' ■*^^'^' V"'.v.' \/ :^M% ^.a" /Ma^ V.^** /^ife- ^.a" 'j.'i- A^'^vr, -• ^'^'^ ^' v^^ '. '*«.o< =\ A- >, -'•Vo" ^ o^ *'i^- ^0 V ♦•To' ••••• A .*' . %.^* •«: %.^* :»*: "W" :'«\ -V/ 3> '^''>i^'"-^- ^°-^<.°- ./.:«J^'\ c-^ • >. •••»' .* ''•* %.^" "oV 'Ao^ ^^■^-J- y <* 'i^tfi j5°^ I*' -oK -^^x. Or c " " ° t '^ .V ^^.* >•<; . / % "oK •^0' FOOT PRINTS ON THE SANDS OF TIME AND OTHER PIECES BY JAMES B. ALEXANDER Author of "Dynamic Theory," "Soul And Its gearings," etc. 1910 t ^'i ' TS 3roi U ^ Fc if/^ COPYRIGHT 1910 BY JAMES B ALEXANDER ©C!.Arooks and dreamy bowers And all delights for passing hours, According to Moses and Ezra. So Eden, that delightful place, The cradle of the human race. Had every necessary grace, According to Moses and P]zra. And everything was made to please, Except one U'ca) amid the trees. Put there tlirougli pi(iue or just to tease. According to Moses and Ezra. The tree of knowledge Avas its name, To cat thereof was deemed the same. As arrant sacrilege and shame, According to Moses and Ezra. The man was to the garden led. To view the goodies all aspread, Nuts, haws and berries — black and red, According to Moses and Ezra. He spied this fine forbidden fruit. Denied to man and fowl and brute. To render gods alone astute. According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 41 Desirable to make one wise Delightful to the longing eyes, And ah, what dreams of apple pies! According to Moses and Ezra. They lay there scattered all around. And loaded branches swept the ground, None such the gods themselves had found. According to Moses and Ezra. But Yahweh charged the man he made, ''This knowledge-fruit you see displayed Is for us gods — not you," he said. According to Moses and Ezra. "For you 'tis only made to spy, The day you eat, that day you die," The serpent whispered; ''What a fib," According to Moses and Ezra. This man was such a rustic clown, Unwashed his feet, unkempt his crown, His hairy hide a tawny brown, According to Moses and Ezra. They said they'd look him up a spouse. To help him gather haws and browse, His mettle and ambition rouse, According to Moses and Ezra. 42 Tit For Tat They thought perhaps one might be found, By looking carefully around, Or one they might with care impound, According to Moses and Ezra. And so they made a grand parade. Of all the beasts the gods had made. The man reviewing in the shade. According to Moses and Ezra. And names he gave to all that crew, 'Twas quite a job for one so new. Perhaps the snake helped out some too. According to Moses and Ezra. They searched the herd of animals through, Of many a form and temper too But found not one they thought would do. According to Moses and Ezra. They clear forgot the chimpanzee. Though like to Adam as a bee Is like a drone. Demure was she, According to Moses and Ezra. Her lodging was the family tree She was of uppish family, And of the longest pedigree, According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 43 At last perhaps that's what he got The rib tale sure is clumsy rot Put up CO doubt to hide what's what. According to Moses and Ezra. But possibly they failed to spy The chimpanzee when perched on high Among the leaves; the crowd passed by. According to Moses and Ezra. They said at least to camp alone 'Twould never do but we, 'tis known Can make a lady from a bone, According to Moses and Ezra, To be for him a likely wife To last the tenure of his life And share and share his strenuous strife. According to Moses and Ezra. They then threw Adam in a doze With anesthetics up his nose, Just introduced as I suppose, According to Moses and Ezra. Then cut him open — ! I declare ! And found a rib he had to spare, Then sewed him up again with care, According to Moses and Ezra. 44 Tit For Tat The great Jehovah seized this bone, And started for the woods alone, Just how he did was never known. According to Moses and Ezra. But from this bone a girl was made, And brought to Adam in the shade, Just following the grand parade, According to Moses and Ezra. How could a little bone become A damsel blooming like a plum, Of years mature for chewing gum!! According to Moses and Ezra. Is this a stratagem we see. To give the man the best that be, A gentle lady Chimpanzee? According to Moses and Ezra. And so they gave her to the man, And ever since the world began They've followed out this same old plan, According to Moses and Ezra. But tune our song a different lay The man it is, that's given away, The woman is mostly all the play, According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 45 How craftily the weaker rules Without the tutoring of schools! Finesse and art her winning tools, According to Moses and Ezra. The men are managed — so tis said By stomach culture — not the head, When full they follow where they're led, According to Moses and Ezra. They only have to make them eat Of goody-goodies tart and sweet And generous wines and royal meat, According to Moses and Ezra. * * * Dear hubby said this artful spouse, The grub this management allows Is hardly fit for pigs and cows, According to Moses and Ezra. Bullberries, nuts and haws and hips — Whene'er they pass my hungry lips, Most always give a spell of grips, According to Moses and Ezra. Says Adam what now — tiresome tease — W^e don't find johnny-cakes on trees. And honey brings the stings of bees, According to Moses and Ezra. 46 Tit For Tat Says she, I know 'tis muchly so, But where did all this wisdom grow? Don't juice from Jahveh's apples flow? According to Moses and Ezra. Said Adam, not for me, nay, nay. I would not dare to disobey, The curse declares, you die that day! According to Moses and Ezra. All that is very well she said. But where does Jahveh plant his dead? That fruit but makes us smart instead. According to Moses and Ezra. Says she this story's all a fake, The fruit is fine to eat or bake, I've sampled it likewise the snake. According to Moses and Ezra. These mysteries and bogy rules Are only made to manage fools. And twist them into easy tools. According to Moses and Ezra. Said he you keep that snake too near, He whispers mischief in your ear, Fve watched the rascal's cunning leer, According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 47 And yet I half believe it's true, The things the fellow says of you — That yarn about the rib won't do, According to Moses and Ezra. I never had a rib to spare, Just feel, you'll find my ribs all there — Nor never slept like that I swear. According to Moses and Ezra. He says your grandpa lived in trees And spent his time in catching fleas Like all the other Chimpanzees, According to Moses and Ezra. Your name is Lilith so they say You sport with dragons in their play, With Satyrs dance the nights away, According to Moses and Ezra. Boo-hoo cried she 'tis mean of you. To 'blieve them tales that is'nt true, That snake has been too thick with you. According to Moses and Ezra. When Adam found he'd made her cry, No charge of cruelty could lie. His sorrow shone in lip and eye. According to Moses and Ezra. 48 Tit For Tat ''Tut-tut my sweetheart, never mind, I did not mean to be unkind To all your faults I'll be stone blind," According to Moses and Ezra. One may of beasts suppress his fears, Nor care for jesters and their jeers. But none can stand a woman's tears. According to Moses and Ezra. 'Tis clear enough he meant no wrong, ('Tis here I think such things belong) They hugged and kissed as in the song. According to Moses and Ezra. Quoth he, henceforth thy name is Eve, Mother of all the living, live ! And in their lives all things achieve. According to Moses and Ezra. The victory declared to her, She grinds her ax with many a purr, And strokes the right way of the fur. According to Moses and Ezra. Said she, ''A rule of etiquet. Round which our tribal ethics set. Makes man his sphere our food to get. According to Moses and Ezra, Tit F'or Tat 49 Now Adam dear, don't lag behind, But lead with your superior mind, I'll show you something you can find." According to Moses and Ezra. Then she made haste to fetch some fruit And held it to her hubby's snoot, ''Such food is worth a God's pursuit." According to Moses and Ezra. And as he munched and crammed, he cried, "I'm sure 'twas not the snake that lirrij" Such glorious food I ne'er have tried.' According to Moses and Ezra. But scarcely were these praises said. He felt a swelling in his head. And legs bewildered in their spread. According to Moses and Ezra. And then cried he too much I see, 'Tis double you and double me And two of every bush and tree. According to Moses and Ezra. For every thing I saw before, I now see two or even more, The cause of that, I can't explore. According to Moses and Ezra. 50 Tit For Tat Of course said she, that's what I said, When on this knowledge-fruit you've fed, Fresh learning always swells your head. According to Moses and Ezra. My, my, cried Adam, You're a sight. How came you in this sorry plight, Without a stitch on, black or white, According to Moses and Ezra. Said she I'm just like you I'm sure, A naked beau must one endure. If one in clothes one can't procure. According to Moses and Ezra. Am I in that fix too? cried he. Then looked to see what he could see, "By George, 'tis so, I must agree. According to Moses and Ezra. You've got us in a pretty scrape. If we but had a shawl or cape, Or anything our backs to drape ! According to Moses and Ezra. The rest are all well fixed for clothes, On every one some garment grows, Put there at first as I suppose. According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 51 Now Yahwehs work was done for good, At least that's what he understood, He thought he'd done the best he could, According to Moses and Ezra. But ah, the best laid schemes of men, And mice and gods fail often, when Just where they're at they little ken, According to Moses and Ezra. Jehovah, glad his work is done. Starts for a little sacred fun, About a half an ''hour by sun," According to Moses and Ezra. For it is cool that time of day. And work knocks off and workmen play. Recruiting for the morrow's day. According to Moses and Ezra. Our parents heard his shout and song, The hills the echoing peals prolong, They couldn't imagine what was wrong, According to Moses and Ezra. And so they hid behind a tree. Where great Jehovah could not see, How destitute of duds they be. According to Moses and Ezra. 52 Tit For Tat Here's fruit Jehovah cried, *'ad lib," I surely hope my little fib. Scared off that hobo and his rib, According to Moses and Ezra. Whew! Fm sure, I smell that snake. Some one has made a grave mistake. Who let him in the truth to break, According to Moses and Ezra. About the tree of which I spake That keeps a person wide awake, And makes him sit and notice take?" According to Moses and Ezra. Go put that man and woman out, No telling what they've been about, They've spoiled my plans I have no doubt, According to Moses and Ezra. But hold 'tis only just and fair, To hear what say this measly pair, How they found out their backs were bare. According to Moses and Ezra. Jehovah called the bashful pair. He shrewdly guessed right where they were, Says he, I said 'twas only fair, According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 53 To hear what you have got to say, Why did you try to run away, Now tell us all without delay, According to Moses and Ezra. Says Adam, you see we 'd nothing to wear. And none of our friends a clout to spare, A mare with foal we'd surely scare, According to Moses and Ezra. Said Yahweh, that is doubtless so, You'd do quite well to scare a crow. But how came you all this to know? According to Moses and Ezra. By this 1 clearly understand, You've eaten fruit that's contraband. Against my most express command. According to Moses and Ezra. *'That wife you gave to help me eat, Smirk, buxom, artful and discreet. Prehensile toes and graceful feet, According to Moses and Ezra. A witchingly, seductive mate, She made me taste the tempting bait, She picked the fruit — I merely ate." According to Moses and Ezra. 54 Tit For Tat "Now mistress what have you to say? Is woman's tongue in every fray? Does every failure start that way? " According to Moses and Ezra. Said she " the snake gave me to eat, He seemed a gentleman complete, He's naught but intrigue and deceit, According to Moses and Ezra. With dangerous charms to hypnotize, And spells that flash from glittering eyes, And helpless victims paralyze. According to Moses and Ezra. Wlio made the serpent anyhow?" Says Yahweh "we cannot allow. Such foolish questions — not just now. According to Moses and Ezra. The wife is not supposed to roam But primp herself with brush and comb. And ask her man when he comes home. According to Moses and Ezra. We shall in man all wit install, To answer questions great and small — (As soon as he completes his fall.") According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat 55 Says Yahweh softly, ''Curse that snake, How came I such a beast to make, AVe'll have to have a burning lake, According to Moses and Ezra. Not elsewhere in the book of fate, Are gods required to integrate, A beast so insubordinate." According to Moses and Ezra. Adam! for this I'll make thee sweat. These premises are now ''to let," And other quarters thou must get. According to Moses and Ezra. And in thy going go at once. And own thyself an arrant dunce, To trade thine ease for sweating stunts. According to Moses and Ezra. Yea, thou shalt till the stingy soil. To wrench thy living by thy toil, With blistered hands and brains abroil. According to Moses and Ezra. Dust thou art, to dust return. Addressed to whom it may concern. Proclaims a fiat all must learn, ' According to Moses and Ezra. 56 • Tit For Tat Yea, that was spoken of the whole, The language don't exempt the soul. You're made of mud from heel to poll. According to Moses and Ezra. Hokey, pokey, monkey, fun, Wonders have but just begun, The pope and bishops and every one. Supporting Moses and Ezra. And to the woman Yahweh said, ''Poor thing thou hast but little head. Brains can't be made of bones or bread. According to Moses and Ezra. The cunning serpent slily steals, To bruise thy childrens naked heels. His head they'll smash neath auto wheels, According to Moses and Ezra. No longer shall he upright stand But drag his belly in the sand Nor shall he talk— 'tis our command," According to Moses and Ezra. They made them skirts of leaves of figs. All smartly stitched with laurel sprigs. And these they fancied dandy rigs, According to Moses and Ezra. TH For Tat 57 But great Jehovah fashioned coats, With skins he peeled from sheep and goats, The serpent slily taking notes. According to Moses and Ezra. They guaranteed the best effects. Most strictly as the style directs, And tailor made in all respects, According to Moses and Ezra. The Gods then drove that couple out, And put the bars up crank and stout. With cherubim to guard the route. According to Moses and Ezra. All armed to keep the tree of life, From simple Adam and his wife. With blazing sword and butcher knife. According to Moses and Ezra. And loaded them with burdens sore, And strange — ne'er heard of them before, Tithes, taxes, rents and bills galore. According to Moses and Ezra. Come drop a tear for hearts that break. Compelled their sorrowing way to take. And leave their Eden to the snake. According to Moses and Ezra. 58 Tit For Tat. Great Yahweh ! do you call it fair The way you used that hapless pair, And made them hapless as they were? According to Moses and Ezra. Poor things had never been to school, Of learning never learned a rule, Just such as any one might fool, According to Moses and Ezra. Angel, devil, priest or snake, Could steer them any way to take, To hunt a job with hoe and rake, According to Moses and Ezra. They drifted aimless east and west, They little knew nor even guessed, The craft to which they fell possessed, According to Moses and Ezra. Likewise a tear for Yahweh 's sake Commend his well meant aim; to make Delights of which all might partake, According to Moses and Ezra. And dream for aye and never wake, Choused by that slick, deceitful rake. His plans all ruined — hy a snahe. According to Moses and Ezra. Tit For Tat. 59 Donkey, flunkie, monkey, morn, So that's the way the world was born? Straight as a string I dare be sworn! According to Moses and Ezra. And this is what they sit and tell. If you believe not, go to hell. How safe this doctrine ; likewise swell, According to Moses and Ezra. His work — he called it very good When fate humiliating; rude Butts in to make things understood. According to Moses and Ezra. And Yahveh took his last adieu, **0h Earth, with thy distracted crew, How Heaven was mistook in you!" According to Moses and Ezra. No priest e'er clutched his crafty graft Extorted from the duped and daft. But slily hid his face and laughed. The same as Moses and Ezra. Cupid. There was a Goddess of the Ancient Myth Whose husband lame and grimy was a smith Who kept his forge within Mount Aetna's peak Where ^mid the frightful din and flame and reek His jours, the Cyclops, forged the thunderbolt; That Jove who loved our stupid race to jolt; Kept safe in stock high in the upper world On Mount Olympus ready to be hurled. This blacksmith's name was Vulcan and his spouse The Goddess Venus; whom the myth allows The lovliest of her sex. She had a child; Cupid by name, in outward semblance mild, And smirk and gentle as a cooing dove Yclept and pictured as the god of Love. But, scandalous! ! It blushes me to state This infant god was illegitimate. His father was the god of war; bold Mars, Of aspect fierce and gashed with battle scars, So Cupid taking on his warlike arts, Is represented armed with bow and darts, A torch he bears to show wild passion's flame This he inherits from his mother's side. He makes of perforated hearts his game, Gathering multitudes from far and wide His malice gloating o'er their pricks and stings, And as for clothes he's nothing on but wings. Cupid. 61 The poets teach us by this mythic lore, IIow very close akin are love and war. Y/hen Cupid speeds his arrows on their flight, They course in pairs by two divergent ways One doth a maidens tender heart ignite. The other fires her swains more fetching blaze, 'Tis often seen how hearts have been mismated, And fancy deems the gods have been unkind 'Tis all because some wretched fate has fated To make this double-dealing god-ship blind, Not seldom Cupid blindly shoots amiss, A miss they say is equal to a mile. Quite often so — a well aimed shot means bliss. While but an inch or two away, 'tis bile. Make no mistake, be sure that Cupid's dart The straightest and the sharpest in the quiver, Has sped directly to the pulsing heart, And not the solar plexus or the liver. Sometimes when conscious of an odd comotion. Its symptoms misinterpreted by all. We fain, assign to love a vagrant notion — - Of what is but an overflow of gall. So, oft when troubled with these inner ills Tis not a case for parson but for pills. 62 Cupid. How many picturesque old Gods have died; Whose tales I fear the prosy facts belied — Apollo Pluto, Neptune, Jove and Mars — Some of them do duty yet as stars, But Cupid I affirm is still on hand And ''doing business at the same old stand." I'd think his ancient armor rather lame, Surprising how he gets there just the same. If he could see and had a modern gun, AYho would be safe in all the land, not one ! Just note the ravages this god has made Among our Engineers* this last decade. Bert Emery first he forced to set the pace. With Frank in time to follow right along, A really rather aggravated case, Two in one family — 'tis coming strong. There's Harvey Kuhns ('tis saying none too much A worthy scion of the sturdy Dutch A well-tipped arrow launched with startling whizz. Pierced through that pericardium of his And reached the spot sought by the marksman's Skill, He's not recovered yet and never will. Civil Engineers of C, M. & St. P. Ky. Cupid. 63 Next wilful Cupid wildly pointing high, His fatal arrow cleft the vaulted sky, And brought down Schoen — of high and mighty frame, A genial Scandian with a High-Dutch name. George Pasko next he pinked — how did he know Blind god — that this time he must fire low? George is no slouch himself to shoot a gun, But in his match with Cupid, Cupid won. And now Paul Gunstad must not be forgot, At any rate by Cupid he was not, A most efficient Scandian is Paul What if he is, that Cupid captures all. With groping aim he struck our sunny Hughes 'Twas murderous; Hughes never tried to fly. He took his fate, 'twer folly to refuse, When one is slain, can one refuse to die? The wisest bird they say is Mr. CroAV, With coat of genteel black and cleric airs. And commonly we judge another so — As by his style and by the clothes he wears. Crows have but scant respect for human laws, But judged by moral standards they have raised, A loyal crow is no doubt loudly praised. They seldom croak without sufficient caws. 64 Cupid. There's none more loyal than our Billy Crow, As bachelor, particularly so. But he escaped the taunt of being stupid, By yielding at the first attack of Cupid. And now from Clarence Prescott word has come; I feared the state of things beneath his vest. Gene Odbert too — odd if he don't succumb, And duly come to time like all the rest. Of course. And likewise at a recent daia.. The very same thing happened Tommy Strate. Yet cautious wisdom peering round might see. Oft reason why 'twere v/ell to bide a wee. Hard duties wedlock hides behind it's joys, How Cupid's craft the glittering bait employs! * * * We take whate'er it suits the gods to give. They name the terms on v/hich the race,shall live, Such terms as they have named! Upon my word! Did anything e'er strike you more absurd? Of course they could have made the human race. With wings as well as hands and feet and face, Left out their costly stomachs and their hearts, Their liver, kidnej^s lungs — uncanny parts. Cupid, ^ 66 Made them immortal indestructible and tough, Full grown at first, no more than just enough, To fill a world in comfort just this size, That none must fall to let some other rise. Nor where mankind must strive for all they're worth For room — or, crowd each other off the earth. The gods might well have spared our hapless race, The misery of government by pain. Twere better, feeling from our souls erase. And hold us straight if need by force amain. They could have saved us all the wretched ills. And maladies of childhood's callow years. Removed their curse from off the ground he tills, Abated manhood's sweat and woman's tears. (I can but think how better it would be Had they subm.itted all their plans to me. Regrets are vain for things we can't forestall. It could not be, they thought they knew it all) They did in short devise the brilliant plan Of marriage 'twixt a woman and a man, Two dowered specs infinitesimal In figured speech, a splinter and a spawl; These figurative scraps of wood and stone. Fused into one develop flesh and bone. 66 Cupid. And blood impelled through artery and vein, And nerves the common carriers of pain, To put the muscles on defensive strain, And dash untamed sensations in the brain. An organism made to be attacked On every side at once and mauled and whacked, With pain and malady and torture racked; Small v^^onder 'tis so often cranium-cracked, 'Tis passing strange that one should last a week. Indeed of nature; man's the topside freak. In howling comedy he's spewed on earth, A puling bundle of humanity, An age it takes to settle what he's worth, Or pass upon his doubtful sanity. A screaming farce he plays in miidle life. Humbug, greed, pretense and piety. And hollow, insincere, fantastic strife. Sham reformation of ''Sassiety!" And when his life has reached its topmost crest, And down the hill the tottering footsteps trend, And disappointed hopes his soul invest In tragedy he meets his final (nd. Cupid. 67 We often ridicule the tasks we do, To make light of the load, we have to carry, E'en vent our mirth on solemn things and true. To love or worship, die, be born or marry; On friend or king, divinity, or wife. So laugh it down — the serious side of life. We sport no end of merry gibe and joke, Anent the funny matrimonial yoke. As something merely to amuse or vex. Then sheepishly we cinch it round our necks. Then call the neighbors in, a merry rout, To feast and dance and push the bowl about. Old saws and jokes to dig up and discuss. And ne'er perceive the biggest joke's on us. ''Increase and multiply so says the text. This means that one must get himself annexed. And this involves the trouble with the heart, And introduces Cupid and his dart. So Cupid raging like a blistering bee, Counts up so many youthful hearts to flay, As if his duty called on him to see The race replenished in the ancient way. Ah well 'tis thus the sovereign Fates prescribe For every mammal, bird and human tribe. The dower of the most remotest past, Endowment of the very latest last. Paskp's Clock* George, here's a bit of simple rhyme — 'Twas found outside this box, Som6 harmless platitudes on time And talk concerning clocks. It must have blown in from the west, A waif just run at large, "With blizzards cyclones and the rest Here goes; we make no charge. * * * When longer by himself to flock A bachelor abjures At first a wife and then a clock He commonly secures. Of course he'll need some other things- A frying pan and ladle. Some spoons and forks and muffin rings And pretty soon a cradle. But stay of that we've had enough It is not my intention To make a list of household stuff And every item mention. Paskos Clock, 69 But I would say a word on clocks And things with which they're mated They're not like common sticks and stocks, But seem to us related. A smart, aristocratic clock Is conscious of her station. She shows a proud, aggresive stock, An air, and animation. She coyly hides behind her hands Her well enameled face And when she goes yet eke she stands No matter what the pace. Don't run up debts when buying sox, Or boots or hats or cloaks, To go on tick may do for clocks But isn*t good for folks. (I fancy that's been said before, I can't tell where or when — Surviving scrap of old-time lore, A bit of what has been.) How singularly queer it feels, Or I imagine so. To have one's stomach full of wheels A whirring as you go. 70 Pasko's Clock. Yet what's the odds, howe'er it came, It truly must be said. Men are afflicted much the same, But have theirs in their head. She's independent in her way. Up she'll serenely bob And strike a dozen times a day And never lose her job. She has her spells of running down, Wind tenderly and meekly, Don't be impatient fret or frown, Remember she is weekly. And sometimes when you make a date, Say, sharply ten o'clock; Tliough meaning well you still are late, Delay your stumbling block, (You won't be always on the dot You'll sometimes miss your deal) 'Twould be ungallant would it not However sore you feel; However grinning Fate may mock, By luck however cursed, To lose your head and strike the clock, Because the clock struck first. PasTco's Clock. 71 The clock's a female all agree; With Time confederated — Of course a masculine is he — But oft they seem mismated. He's always on a steady go, His scythe across his shoulder, While she is often fast or slow He's many times the older. No man is jealous of his clock Though intimate they be, 'Tis the only plural wed-lock Where the parties can agree. 'Tis said, long since Time lost his locks All but the one before 'Twas worry over giddy clocks, I'm sure 'twas nothing more. Time keeper she is oft ycleped As if she held him under But la! he never can be kept He's slippery as thunder. And when her race with Time's begun She'll have but little leisure. All she can do while on the run Is try to take his measure. 72 Pasho's Clock. In winning smile and fetching gown, It might be thought perhaps, Like other girls she'd hold him down By sitting on his lapse. Time can't be kept that way not he, The lesson should be heeded, Although 'tis tried quite frequently It never yet succeeded. Uneasy, restless night and day, Like something on his mind, Whate'er attracts Time slips away And leaves his lapse behind. As Time strides on both clock and man Are growing old apace, They press no longer to the van, And furrows crease the face. With shaky joints and rattled wheels And limbs no longer supple While languor o'er their senses steals — Yes they're an ageing couple. And youths with patronizing air And lore and wit repleted(?) Advise, "retire superfluous pair, And in the rear be seated. '* PasWs Clock. , 73 Amid confusing din and rout We hear both sobs and laughter, This generation slipping out, The next one skipping after. Thus running on year after year. They've grown a bit unsteady, And Charon doth at last appear Announcing; **Boat is ready!" Charon, may I take my clock? How lonesome I shall be When gruesome phantoms round me flock In dark eternity. For when I lie awake of nights Slie ticks till dawning day. Till with the goblins and the sprites, **The shadows flee away.'' And in the night she strikes so loud Her boldness reassures me. The ghosts retreat, a frightened crowd Of nervousness she cures me. **Will you never end your prate, Time! Time! You hear that bell? Time and tide for no man wait; Time I Time ! It is the knell. 74 Pasho's Clock. The boat is lying at the dock, The tide is ebbing fast, Farewell forever to the clock, The end of time at last! For this is strictly orthodox That never-nevermore Will men find any use for clocks Upon yon timeless shore. Have I neglected all this while, Midst jest and sigh and laugh. The homage due with bow and smile, Toward man's better half — Those lovely things that live in frocks? 'Tis true — dear bless their lives, well; whate'er Ive said of clocks Just duplicate for wives. They're very much alike we know, Uncertain which is master. For though the woman isn't slow. The clock is mostly faster. Here in the lottery of life 'Tis everybody's play,- Ah! lucky George, to draw a wife And clock the self same day. Strates Chair. Ah Tommy Strate what's this we hear, Sweetly sounding full and clear, As on the breeze it sinks and swells? The music of the Marriage Bells! Our gratulation's due for two, Your lovely mate as well as you; For sure we may congratulate The girl that takes our Tommy Strate. The boys to show their hearty will, And eke a common want to fill Have all chipped in and bought a chair, A springy thing all stuffed with hair. Or moss, to make it soft and warm; 'Tis rather broad for Tommy's form, A wider man might sit with ease, But yet for two 'twere quite a squeeze. Agreeable enough perhaps; But easier in each other's laps. They'll sit for many happy moons. Spoon fashion; as they say of spoons, 76 Straie's Chair, And often, there, he'll sit alone, With vagrant musings round him strown, And waking dreams anticipate A rosy life for Tommy Strate, Amen! Amen! So mote it be May all the lucky fates agree And grant a long and happy life, With health and fortune, love and wife, Time flies! We cast prophetic eye — A few short years! My! How they fly! We see some kids — one, two, three, four, I've lost the count — how many more? Count on, count on — ^five, six, seven, eight, (That makes a happy rhyme with Strate.) They make a rush for papa's chair. Each strives to be the first one there. A mass of curly heads go bump! 'Tis nothing to the foot-ball thump They'll run against years later on. Their college education's crown. We look again — this rout is gone But other broods come trooping on These scramble now for Grandpa's chair. With often Grandpa sitting there. But oft alone the old man sits While busy memory halts and flits; Strate*s Chair. 77 And sometimes in bewildered doubt He asks ''What was it all about?" We're born and grow and reproduce, And suck of life's corrosive juice; A mixture of a bitter sweet; That's all — we die when life's complete, And to our children leave our seats. And endless History repeats. Minneapolis, Dec, 1904. Odbert's Clock. When after work, down in his easy chair, The harried man of family is sitting The restless fingers of the clock, point where The mortal moments are forever flitting. Have we not got an ownership in these. These fleeting moments dying while we sit. Shall saying this our consciences appease — "What can we do to stop them? let them flit!'' The clock in every tick proclaims a time, A time to labor and a time to rest, E'en criminals will find it for a crime. And boys for play, will work like all possessed. There is a time to court, a time to marry — Congratulations Gene, you found that time — And many times there be when schemes miscarry, And splash us o'er with disappointments slime. Select your times — tis largely we that take, For e'en the Gods we partially direct, The gist of life is often our own make, Infected virus we ourselves inject. Odhert's Clock. 79 And last of all there is a time to die. But say, just put that off — be firmly steady Shut up within your will the powers lie, That say to death ''Wait till I'm good and ready." So Gene, accept this clock and hearty will And seize the moments you select for yours Large ones that only raining joys may fill And prove the mot, ' ' Whene 'er it rains it pours. ' ' Her faithful movements do not read amiss, How delftly every finger fills its fitting, The lesson of the clock is plainly this — 'Tend thoroughly and strictly to your knitting. But hark! 'tis eight! 'tis shop and office times, High time to make an ending of these rhymes. Clarence and His ClocJ^. Twas said we'd duly heard from Clarence Pres- cott 'Twas something out of fix beneath his waist- coat, It seems he'd made his mind to come to Time, They met him half the way with clock and rhyme. Tis nothing strange sometimes for clocks to stop In trembling age, the loosened minutes drop. For feeble clocks Time has but scant regard. No sentiment when usefulness is barred. Proud time strides off with elevated nose, Important in his pride where'er he goes, 'Twas condescending much the way to block. In gossip on the merits of a clock. In friendly gossip, Time might stop a clock. We often meet him coming with a vim, As busy as a merchant ** taking stock". But never yet has any clock stopped him. Work is of life the only wholesome way. Thoughtless is he whose only thought is play. Clarence and His ClocTc. 81 The same of him who makes of play a labor, And in some wondrous (?) game defeats his neighbor. The chief end of the human race is work. The clock be-times officiates as clerk, And marks the surplus wealth in swelling store, And each consignment out makes room for more. So with your clock be on the best of terms, Don't disagree on partnership concerns, Consult her meekly— what she has to say. Be very sure, at last, she'll have her way. Hymn to Ashtoreth. Ashtoreth! Great Queen of Heaven! Spouse of Elyon, Queen of Love; Mistress of the Planets Seven; Marking out their paths above. Thine be the fruits by Nature given, Thine the sacred gentle Dove. When thy Star becomes ascendant, Joy streams forth from all her rays, Then her glory shines resplendent. Then all hail with songs of praise, Thou dost not cause a guiltless one, For sinners faults to feel thy rod; Nor lay on unoffending son. The father's sins against his God. Nor righteousness dost thou impute, Where sin unblushing stalks abroad, Nor on the head of guiltless brute, Pretend to lay the sinners load. Blood ne'er stains thine altar pure, Blood for sin cannot atone; Hymn to Ashtoreth. 83 Love for evil is the cure, Love can heal, and Love alone. 'Tis Love that Life perpetuates, Transmitting it from age to age, Its faults and wrongs alleviates, And moves, all sorrows to assuage. Love from the eyes wipes every tear. It quencheth envy, malice, hate; From timorous heart it casteth fear. And doth the sin of pride abate. The widest bounds of Land and Sea, Shall not restrain kind Charity, Her loving rays shall pierce as far As thy bright b^ams, sweet evening Star. Solomon's Invoice of His Gods, Chorus : Take your choice ! Take your choice ! Gods there are in plenty. You can take the whole invoice, Or one or two or twenty. Take your choice! What's the odds? They come in great variety, With such a multitude of Gods; There's danger of satiety. * ♦ * Ashdod has presented me, With one whose name is Da-gon! He's built to navigate the sea. And so he has no leg-on. I have but little use for him, As seldom I go out to swim. But when I send my tars abroad, They always take him for their God. Egypt sends us quite a crew, Osiris, Isis, Apis; Chiun, Pan and Ammon too, And Typhon and Serapis. Solomon's Gods. 85 I do not care at all for these, But set them up, my wife to please. For surely every man should be Indulgent in his family. Ammon sends a demon rare, The name of whom is Milcom. A fiend I loathe beyond compare. Who wants him? he is welcome. Moloch, is his other name, But he's a devil all the same. He dotes on babes and does not care, Or if they be well done or rare. From Assyria, come Tartak, And Nibhaz, and Anammelech, And Nergal, Merodach. Benoth, and Adrammelech. The Sun-god everywhere is Baal, Whose rays o'er all the earth prevail, From orient Assyria, To the far west, in Iberia. Our fathers, Jahveh owned as God, And Teraphim, and Elim, (With thummim, urim and ephod. And Pillars, and Elohim. 86 Solomon's Oods. The Brazen Serpent, Moses gave, From bites of other snakes to save, Coiled upon a lofty pole. Still performs his ancient role. Chemosh is a Moabite, And great conceit has he. With Jahveh he did often fight, And claim the victory. But I'm resolved on one sure thing: — They'll keep the peace while I am king. It always plays the very deuce, When on the war-path Gods break loose. Ashtoreth and Elyon, Have come to us from Sidon. With Nebo from Babylon ; These can be relied on. To this confession I am free; I'm partial to this Trinity, Because in answer to my yearning. They promise Power, Love and Learning. The Host of Heaven, is in our plan. And Ashima from Syria, And Tammuz, — he's a Lady's man, And gives them all hysteria. Solomon's Gods. iS7 We don't do anything by halves, — Here^s Rimmon, from Damascus, Gad, Meni, Satyrs, Bulls and Calves; What further can you ask us? Ye all are free to feed these Gods, Most every one's a glutton. Pancakes for Ashtoreth, For Chemosh, beef and mutton. But often something good to smell. Will serve the purpose very well. And v^^ine they are supposed to drink, When poured down Priestly throat to sink. Chorus : Take your choice! Take your choice! Gods there are in plenty. You can take the whole invoice. Or one or two or twenty. Take your choice! What's the odds? They come in great variety, With such a multitude of Gods, There's danger of satiety. Welcome to Reikis, Queen of Sheba. Queen of the South-land thy journey is ended; Tedious and dusty and long was the way. Now let recreation with resting be blended; To fill thee wth pleasure and gladden thy stay. We give thee a kindly and cordial good greeting; We pledge thee with bumpers in flagon and bowl; With plenty of good things for drinking and eatng ; With feasting of reason and flowing of soul. Thy presents have filled us with wonder and pleasure ; Ther value prodigious, a limitless treasure; Variety endless, almost beyond measure; For a help in our labor a cheer in our leisure. There's beautiful sandal- wood yellow and white And black and red ebony, polished and bright; And rich alabaster-cups, boxes and vases; And burnished bright mirrors, reflecting our faces ; Welcome to Belkis. 89 And peacocks most gorgeous in red, green and blue, And all combinations of color and hue; With voice loud and screaming and tail spreading wide Proclaiming abroad their importance and pride; And mimicking monkeys all action and grace, And apes with a human expression of face Constructed like counterfeit copies of men. To show what our ancestral forms must have been; And parrots instructed with infinite pains. To show how a tongue may be run without brains : Some featherless bipeds it shames us to tell; In this regard copy the parrots too well:) And African darkies with unctuous skins; And legs lean and lanky and prominent shins; Reliable skull and a wool-covered head; And nostrils and feet with a lateral spread; Condemned to be servants to every one; The fault of their grandfather Ham to atone: (That same; it appears like a rather grim joke: — To asses retribution on innocent folk:) 90 Welcome to Belkis. And myrrh and frankincense, gum, cinnamon, rice; And ointments and perfumes and cassia and spice ; And silver and ivory and diamonds and gold; And rubies and emeralds, — the half is not told. And when toward thy Sheba Queen Belkis thou turnest, We beg thee to laden the whole of thy train With the things of this land ,as a token and earnest Of good-by and welcome again and again. Load camels and horses and asses and mules, With corn, oil and honey and wine for a nip; With saddles and harness, tin, copper and tools; And al you can take home, or use on the trip. Take sirup and sugar and jelly and jam; And pickles and chow-chow and ketchup and ham; And doughnuts and sausage and crackers and bread ; And all that you need for a number one spread. Take hammers, saws, axes and chisels and awls, And skillets and spiders and ovens and pans; Welcome to Belhis. 91 And sandals and turbans and dresses and shawls; And hair-pins and brushes and feathers and fans; And carpets and curtains and linen and hose, And purple and laces and ribbons and bows; And spoons, forks and dishes and platters and knives, And everything else that is useful to wives. For music, be sure that you do not forget, The shawm and the sackbut and clarionet. And pipe, horn and trumpet and cornet and flute, And instruments like these that go with a toot; And cymbal and timbrel and tambour and drum. And others like them that are played with a thrum, And harp, lute and viol and such other things. Whose music we come at by twanging their strings. Take spears, bows and arrows, shields, armor and swords. To settle what cannot be settled by words, For Ishmael's sons keep a watch night and day. As they dog you for mischief or lurk by the way. 92 Welcome to Belhis. And during thy visit, far off may its end be, Our palaces, gardens and every such thing, Our wine-vaults and orchards, we gladly will lend thee, Ourselves and our servants, our Gods and our King. Long life and good health be your Majesty's part. Thy subjects, kind, loving and loyal at heart, Thy neighbors all friendly, thine enemies none; And happiness everywhere, "under the sun.*' And may the descendants of thy royal race, Inherit thy beauty of Figure and Face; And also, ('twere highly becoming and fit,) Inherit King Solomon's Wisdom and Wit. The Golden Age Before the Fall Prelude. To every Dog belongs a day: At least that's what the sages say. With some 'tis early, others late, AcQording to the whim of Fate. Of all the ages down and up. The one we deem the ''Day'" of Man. Commenced while he was yet a pup, Directly after he began. With living high and faring well, The lucky dog then had his day. But long ago, — the Pundits tell How accidentally he fell. And saw his Golden Age decay. Chorus :- Oh! how happy we should be, If we only could recall. The glorious Golden Age they had. Before the Fall. The Golden Age Before the Fall In Ancient times our Ancestors resided in the trees, And they were free and jolly and as happy as you please. Their toes were made like fingers and their feet were like their hands, Which, truly they were beauties, but they an- swered all demands. Their teeth were made for business and they scratched with long sharp nails, And swung by strong gigantic arms and held fast by their tails. They'd scamper back and forth upon the branches of a tree, To show their strength of muscle and superb agilitee. Across the boughs they laid some sticks to repre- sent a floor, But there was nary roof, nor sides, nor fireplace, nor door. In rain they raised their hands to shed the wet from off their crown, That's why he hairs upon our arms point up in- stead of down. The Golden Age. 95 To keep the house it was indeed a very simple thing ; No pies to bake, no pots to boil, no fires, no wood to bring, A lot of leaves laid on the floor served for their feather beds; And here they slept coiled up like hoops, with joining heels and heads. Their toilet was a scarcely more elaborate affair; And chiefly 'twas devoted to the culture of the hair. Their fingers served for comb and brush and part- ing it with care; Sharp eyes in mutual quest discerned whate'er was crawling there. And when they went a visiting, the busy gossips sat, And cracking jokes each other searched for dainties fair and fat. According to the proverb then as framed by an- cient wit; ''Poetic justice' was achieved and "many a biter bit." The hair they wore down front and back, was safely all their own. False bangs and wigs they never saw nor was the misery known 96 The Golden Age. Of buttons, buckles, belts and pins, and hooks and eyes and strings, To come undone, and liberate their petticoats and things, They used no rouge, nor powders white, nor washes for the face; Sun-made complexions do not need cosmetics* saving grace. Nor was there need, on artificial odors to rely, They had enough that Nature gave; in fact, a strong supply. They never went a shopping then for groceries and goods; The hubbies got their provender by prowling through the woods. And home they brought great quantities of Durian fruit and haws. And figs and nuts and other truck with which to stuff their maws. They had no patent leather boots, they surely never wore Plug hats, boiled shirts, or overcoats, ''all but- toned down before." Those things wer not in fashion yet, 'twas long before the times The Golden Age. 97 Of that old gent we read about, I mean, **01d Father Grimes." The fashions never troubled them, they had no use for duds, They never had to scrub or wash, or dabble in the suds. They monkeyed not with whiskey slings, nor beer, nor cigarettes; And taxes never worried them, nor plumber's bills, nor debts, They always ''aped their betters" then, it was ''good form" you see; In fact their forms, for aping, were adapted to a tee. And yet, 'twould much belittle them, to class them with our dudes, And none would likely e'er mistake their worthy dames for prudes. They flirted in the tall tree tops, and courted in the groves; The gorgeous tropic foliage was witness to their loves, The dowry of the bride in truth was all her husband's goods Clear title by possession, coextensive with the woods, The mammas fondled, hugged and kissed, and spanked their impish kids. 98 The Golden Age. And bade them hear the music of the frogs anfd katydids, To sleep they rocked them on the boughs, and hushed their childish fears, And mourned and soothed their serious ills, with soft maternal tears. The papa ever ready was, the family to protect. With ponderous jaws, and vise-like paws, and threatening crest erect, And roaring, terror-striking voice; and not a sin- gle beast That prowls the woods, a fight with him would relish in the least. Ah those were happy, happy times, and everything was gay; No slavish work; few ills; no pills; no doctor bills to pay. They never were exposed to being swindled, rob- bed and tricked, There were no thieves to steal their swag, no pockets to be picked. But finally their quarters in the trees appeared confined. They needed room for *' progress," and ''expan- sion of the mind." So, after many ages, they descended to the ground, The Golden Age. 99 And there the greater latitude of life they sought was found, And this is what the framers of the Evolution plan, Mean, when they talk to us about ^*the great Descent of Man.'^ But theologians make it out, by some old books they scan, 'Twas owing to an accident and 'twas the ''Fall of Man." On terra firma only could the human race be run; And just as soon as they came down, progression was begun. And but for this descent, (or fall, if that is what it was,) There never could have been a rise, of that I'm very poz. But ah! their luck in coming down, is doubtful more and more: They never yet have risen to the state they had before. And certainly their noses will forever plow the ground ; While Trusts and boodling Aldermen, and Hum- bugs still abound. 100 The Golden Age, Chorus : Oh! how happy we should be, If we only could recall, The glorious Golden Age they had, Before tJie Fall. •1^* I've Developed Since That. Zibia's Song. Wise Solomon thinks the development plan, Beginning with Monkey and rising through Ape, Attains to its great culmination in Man; And it seems, from his logic, there is no escape. Sanchoniathon too; — in reality he Was the first to invent and reduce it to shape, And announce to the Pundits the true theory. Of the way that mankind was evolved from the Ape. Men-kind includes woman, and so it must be ; (For the scheme covers all things as you will agree That if man has developed so also may she. And 'tis easy to point an example in me. When I was a hoiden I oft ran away. To roam through the fields without bonnet or hat. To wade in the brooklets and o'er the hills stray; I've developed since that, I've developed since thae. 102 Fve Developed Since That, But the sun and the wind when they looked on my face Spread o'er it a mask of a deep dusky hue, That hid from my brothers' dull optics the grace, And the beauty that only to sunshine are due. The charge of the vineyards they laid upon me; And oft in the morning while other folk slept, Tho' I rose with the linnet and wro't like the bee, Myself was neglected; my vineyard not kept. Of all my fond lovers I think of but one, And he like myself, is a child of the sun. We 're sister and brother ; a family of three : El made for each other, Sun, Lover, and Me. King Solomon's suit was in vain; — 'twas too late, My heart was no longer mine own to bestow, 'Twas yielded long since by the fiat of Fate, That metes out their portion to all, high and low. With wonder my brothers perceive where I'm at. And how very much I've developed "since that," And here is a moral, 'tis worth while to know, While brothers ar'nt looking the sisters will grow ! God? or Nature? Lines on McKinley's death. Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee; E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me.'* These words became a dismal dirge to roll, Borne on a wave of grief from sea to sea, The day McKinley yielded up his soul, The day the nation, plunged in deepest gloom, Bore his martyred body to the tomb. Nearer for awhile to thee, nearer to thee; I fain would set myself to see Why should we nearer, nearer be, Nearer, God, to thee. The victim sinks before the fatal gun. Murmuring, ' ' 'Tis God ^s way, his will be done. Is it, indeed, God's double-dealing way. To gain confiding trust and then betray? By treacherous brutal violence to slay? Can this indeed be God — his way? Wast thou in league with Czolgosz, And others such as he? These brutes do we mistakenly condemn? 104 God or Nature. Can we, forsooth, draw nigher unto thee By shaking hands with them? Did God then know the villain's plot, Particeps eriminis, was he not? We count accessories before the fact As criminal as he who does the act. Did he not hear them plot this dastard deed, Then hold his peace and let the crime succeed? Is not all done according to his wall? If not, can he be God and sovereign still? Stand back, my soul; go not too near, I pray — I am in doubt of his uncertain Avay. Behind his smirking providence I know not what may lurk; His harmless looking vesture May conceal some murderous dirk. A little further back! not quite so near, My precious soul! indulge a wholesome fear; Go not so very near, I pray, While I investigate his way. His weak confederates in crime we thoroughly ab- hor. And shall we still on bended knees the principal adore ? He giveth stern command to love him still, God or Nature. 105 With all our heart and soul and strength and will; On his compulsion must we act a hypocritic part And brutally suppress the tender instincts of the heart ? How can we love in any God, upon his mere be- hest, The awful crimes that in all other beings we de^ test? He doth chasten whom he loveth — so saith his book; Who loveth him he chasteneth most — so doth it look. What startling fantasy is this That shocks all sense of righteousness? What are his strange, insane, fantastic ends? Men scourge their enemies, but he his friends. Just in play? Is that his way? Him who elects to wear his yoke Doth he select to point his joke? • ♦ * And thou, O Theodoras, ''Gift of God'^— Gift with a string — beware his chastening rod Whose love is cruel, whose caress a thwack, Who like an Indian gives, then takes it back. Be doubly ware if signs in him you see Of growing partiality for thee. 106 God or Nature. To men before as good and great as thou ('Tis saying none too much, you must allow) His Judas, Brutus, Czolgosz, Booth, Guiteau, He sent the fatal golden stairs to show. And point the way to his cold world from this With murderous pistol, dirk, or lying kiss. • * * If, Lord, I wrong thee, set me right, I pray; Perhaps thou wast asleep, or gone away, Upon that critical and fatal day. In direst need do all Gods fail, Like Jahweh's ancient rival Baal, According to Elijah's tale? Had we no faithful friend in heaven that day, With power to strike the foul assassin dead, Or turn his weapon far enough astray To miss his mark or shoot himself instead? Yes! Jesus Christ — but where, oh, where was he? Not at his post where he should ever be, Espousing our disreputable cause Of dodging penalties of broken laws? Did he not hear our agonizing cry When God's tool Czolgosz fired the fatal ball? Could he not move him then his purpose to recall Or did he try? His business is, the Bible says, to stand Our tireless advocate at God's right hand. His boiling wrath to mollify God or Nature. 107 And our shortcomings qualify, All moral sense to mystify And sin for his sake justify. Where was the Church, Christ's chosen bride. For whom a cruel death he died — To whom he saith, **What'er thou bind on earth is bound in heaven, What'er thou ask in faith is surely given." Bowed to the dust She prayed as ne'er before; The storm of prayer it surely must Have swept within the heavenly door. Prone on the earth in agony, she cried, **0 save McKinley's life," and yet he died! Can nothing jar her trust? The Church bowed to the dust And soiled her faded tire, And trailed her draggled skirts In superstition's mire, And ashes scattered o'er her bridal robes. Her aching heart concealed its cruel hurts. Where was her recreant Lord? Gone far to other globes? With newer brides sought fresher bliss, And '* recompense of great reward" In greater worlds than this? 108 God or Nature. How oft, alas! a sated, saturated spouse Wearies of his too obsequious mate Grown stale and sere, Forgets his early, ardent, too effusive vows, Seeks to fresher loves And bowers in greener groves, While she, with broken heart, Still juggling her departiig art To ward her looming fate With many a pang of grief and fear. With many a piteous sigh and tear, Protests and pleads too late! credulous and foolish Church, Left so sadly in the lurch, Was e'er a faithful, trusting bride So cruelly and so sorely tried? Can you believe you e'er shall see him more? Your Lord said he was merely gone before, To build you mansions fine and gay, Then at the very earliest day Return, for evermore to stay. He charged you thus: ''Mark what I say: 1 may return at any day; Be ye ready, watch and pray.'^ He never has been heard from since — Oh, where, where is your vanished prince? Nineteen hundred years have flown. God or Nature. 109 One hundred generations gone; Such stolid faith the world has never known As thine — against all reason hoping on. AVhere is the shepherd of these sheep? Where is the promise of his coming — where? "For since the fathers fell asleep All things continue as they were.'' Alas ! he must be dead ! he surely is, Or else these solemn promises of his, On which the church doth so serenel build, Would doubtless long ago have been fulfilled. No bride, but only widow hast thou been Through all these bitter years Of persecution, misery, and sin, Strife, ignorance, and tears. ''De mortuis nil nisi bonum," So the ancient Romans said; Only good things as we've known 'em Must be spoken of the dead. If he be dead we do forgive The idle threats and gauzy promises he made, As he said God forgives our debts And foolish things we may have said; But if he lives where death can ne'er befall, This absolution we hereby recall. 110 God or Nature. Somewhere I've read a mournful tale About a brave sea-faring man, Who kissed his new made bride good-bye, Then to the breezes spread his sail. And put to sea. It was his plan Just this one voyage more to try. His youth ''knew no such word as fail." He told his bride that, granting health, Soon he'd return with ample wealth. Then settle down and make his home And hers a paradise on earth. "Without a home, condemned to roam. How small the worth or happiness of life — Or happiness of home without my wife ! ' ' Then from her blooming cheeks He kissed the teardrops coursing down; "Cheer up, my love; not many weeks Shall pass, before your sailor, brown With sun and brine, shall come again; Let trusting hope your fears restrain." Then through her tears, with many a sigh And parting kiss, she said good-by. So on the shore they tore themselves apart, He hopeful, steering for his distant mart, She turning back with straining heart To count the tale of tedious hours God or Nature. Ill Swelling into endless days That grew to still more endless weeks — A fearful strain on Nature's powers, Trying all the mental stays, Striping auburn locks with streaks. Now at the end of endless weeks. His time gone by fourfold, Why came he not? 'Twas iever told. What dire calamity befell? God knew — why did he never tell? If this be true or not, yet all the same The sailor came not then — nor ever came. Now she, poor thing, her mental balance gone, Dried up the fountain of her bitter tears, [While time apace, untaled, still hurried on — All blank to her the weeks, the months, the years. But still mechanically, every night. Upon a window sill she placed a light. And every day she wandered to the beach. And on the spot where last they kissed good-by With shaded eyes she strained their utmost reach If peradventure they might yet descry The lines that marked his old familiar craft. The neighbors as they passed, with eyes scarce dry 112 God or Nature. Glanced sadly, whispering, ''Poor thing, she is daft/' For thirty years this sad pathetic quest, Till death in mercy brought eternal rest. How like that bride, the Church with weary wait And watch, that, hypnotized by cleric craft, Has kept her fruitless vigil far too late. How pitifully sad: "Poor thing, she's daft." And yet it seems we dimly may discern Some hopeful signs of sanity's return ^Tien ghosts dismissed, with all their kin and kith, Her Jew traditions and her Christian myth. She seeks for facts. 'Twill still not be too late To wed true Science for her second mate. Were we in God's own image made, as saith his book? Nay, rather was he made in ours, "With our small faculties and powers. Long, long it took. With Evolution's aidful art. To drift us and our God apart, And lose his incult image that we boasted at the start. God or Nature. 113 Why was it thus, Lord? Why was it thus? We cannot clearly see Why evolution should develop us And not develop thee. '*An honest God's the noblest work of man;" So once a witty poet wrote ; In parody upon a line of Pope ; And true 'tis noble that we do the best we can And true a God reliable and just Is nobler than a God we cannot trust. But still those ancient artisans of hammer, trowel, and hod — Whatever could they know about the building of a God? They built their narrow selves in him with all their human arts, Their intellect — a feeble glim — their body, passions parts. But here a strange condition doth appear, A circumstance quite singular and queer. While at this job, unusual and rare, With doubtful taste it seems they made a pair. One was called the devil, and by some mistake, or whim. They put what little honesty they had on hand in him. |Were they unskillful bunglers, unacquainted with their trade, 114 God or Nature, Or was honesty no virtue in the days when Gods were made? 'Tis not that I'm uncivil, should my preference seem odd — Give me an honest devil before a treacherous God. But ah! they builded worser than they knew; Their God became a tyrant, hard and grim, And exercised on them without ado The character they first devised for him. He made one-tenth of men stark beasts of prey; Who greedily snatched everything of worth, And arrogantly forced all things their way And by alleged divine right seized the earth. The rest, despoiled of everything they made. Saddled, bridled, toiling beasts of burden. Fain satisfied when by their masters paid With costless promise of a heavenly guerdon. He set them by the ears o'er forms and creeds And theologic strife 'twixt faith and deeds. The more absurd their creed — the more unprov- able — The more their stupid faith became immovable. He armed and egged the worst against the best, best. Sowed hate in every creed for all the rest. He introduced the fagot and the stake God or Nature. 115 To illustrate his hell and burning lake, That all the faithful might anticipate The chance and promise of their future state. Free air no longer breathed their stifled lungs; Free spech no longer spoke their palsied tongues; Around their willing limbs hung slavery's chains And bands of superstition crushed their brains. We lay our listening ears close to the ground, And faintly catch a dull and muffled sound Like falling cadences in rhythmic beat. The firm and measured tread of marching feet. It is the coming ages marching on — Search down the file! some one shall succor bring To tear from us the grip of ages gone, And from our venomed creeds extract their sting. To heathen in their blindness, That bow to wood and stone, We show in Christian kindness A God of flesh and bone. But no, 'tis but his icon, An image that we show, A something that we liken To God as best we know. 116 God or Nature. By picture, sign, and token, Sharp images we fain — By written words and spoken — Would cast within the brain. If truth we do no garble, What worser do we find, A thought expressed in marble, Than images in mind? The case we plainly see, then — 'Tis prejudice that blinds; We worship, like the heathen, The thoughts of our own minds. Our brain we have that made us, Our brawny hand that delves; Our home-made gods can't aid us — We only help ourselves. God seemeth not so near As in the bygone days: Our faith is on the wane, 'tis clear, And so are prayer and praise. His hold on us appears to slip. Surely he doth lose his grip. Is he about to disappear, And, relegated to the rear, God or Nature. 117 Will he like other gods succumb and die, And with his fathers and his brothers lie? Safe, then, more near to be; Safe, then, draw nigher we Upon his tumulus to cast a clod In thoughtful mem'ry of one more dead god. When money talks with all its weight It is no light affair. But hear our bloated dollars prate And mark what they declare. They're made one half of metal. But the larger half of air, The ratio's hard to settle, They're a fluctuating pair. With this combined variety Small wonder if they swell With counterfeited piety, Mock honesty as well. These dollars, destitute of common grace, To nurse their piety in proper place Have blazoned it across their hardened face, And ever in the public eye they thrust This Pharisaic gush — **In God we trust." 118 God or Nature. O thou Almighty dollar! sanctimonious fraud! In thee we put our liveliest trust; Especially our upper crust, And dost thou trust in God? We trace the root of evil to the lust That men, filthy lucre, bear for thee. Amidst thy bacillus-infected dust And underneath thy microbe-tainted rust Shall we learn ethics and theology Canst thou in godliness enlighten us? In homilies on cleanliness discuss? Doth good proceed from evil? Report thee to the devil! Naught can thy lying motto mend, Naught thy foul corruption end, Short of crucible and fire Thou impudent and ostentatious liar! When measured by the dull, pedantic rules Of obsolete and antiquated schools. The wise seem to the witless always fools. The witless, marking time in tracks their fathers trod. Start not till stung by fools with facts in pungent prod — God or Nature. 119 Wise fools, who in their hearts perceive "There is no God.'' * ♦ * My countrymen! how strange it seems, That ye will rather be The slaves of baseless dreams Than masters of reality. All demons, gods, and ghosts Are works of crass imagination, And purgatory, heaven, and hell, And grace and reprobation. Abjectly in the dust we seek Impossible salvation, And more abjectly still we dread Impossible damnation. Why must we carry still the galling load Of ghostly trumpery our fathers bore — Dry, withered figments strewn along the road, Cast where their fathers mired long before? Why have we tolerated, all these years, A priestly class to stride our supple backs. And trade upon our superstitious fears. And on our substance lay their cheeky tax? 120 God or Nature. Of unfictitious trouble there's enough: To fight our way with Nature, grim and tough, Unfeeling, stingy, prodigal, and rough, And coarse and vulgar, truculent, and gruff. To our fathers, simple minded. By their superstitions blinded. She seemed both good and evil — This virago fierce and odd; They feared her as the Devil And they worhsiped her as God. A worker of enormous force, She builds forever night and day. And equally, without remorse, Deals death, destruction, and decay. Remaining all unconscious she, Of proper female dignity, The same to her or work or play, To gather up or cast away. No heed she takes whate'er befall, She knows no odds 'twixt great and small, Or difference 'twixt near and far, Sublime, gross, or ridiculous; As easily she'll build a star As fashion a pediculus. Look round, and everywhere we see Of her tremendous energy God or Nature. 121 The marks in every plant and tree, In every river, mountain, plain. In frost and sunshine, storm, and rain. By slow-evolving, complicated plan She lends her rarest skill to form a man; Then all the same, philosopher or lout, In wanton whim, she turns and snuffs him out. Behold her dashing up tRe slanting sky! As lashing forth her snorting, unbroke steeds. The blizzard, cyclone, flood, and lightning storm. And mark the startling antics they perform. As o'er her wild and wayward way she leads. Stand not too near while she is whirling by, But nimbly mount behind and seize the reins. Resisting first, perhaps with sullen squirms, Insisting, too, on certain forms and terms. At last she owns the mastership of brains. Success depends on skill and knowing how; When duly broke she's docile as a cow. Twere nobler that we harness Nature's forces and her laws. And make them work for us, And take the lead, Than have a Christ to plead a quibbling cause, And shirk for us, 122 Ood or Nature. Or even bleed. 'Twere better far to make them smooth the way for us Than hire a thousand unwashed saints to pray for us. * • * What rasping note above the screaming blast? *Tis Nature's yawp, high in the gamut cast In storm; in peace and sunshine, mild and tame; Proclaiming always, everywhere the same. "My lightnings flash, My waters fall, Tornadoes crash and storms appall ! My sun warms up the earth and makes it breed; All things are here for all who have the need, For all who have the courage and the greed, But they alone who have success succeed. Ye ask for bread, I give you stones; Go delve, ye '11 find it there — If not, why should I care? Be men! Get off your marrow bones! Whate'er you want, go take! Nought you get from me by prayer For Christ's or anybody's sake. No! You cannot beg your way; You must either work or pay; God or Nature. 123 Learn a proverb, this is it: Ex nihilo nihil fit. 'Twas not by predetermined will of mine I brought ye forth, my human brats, Not all the graceful virtues in you shine; I love you not, yet neither do I hate. No more than bats are ye to me — or rats. You, too, as well as them I leave to fate, I reck not happy or disconsolate. No paltering covenants I make; No siren promises I sing. Your choice ! I care not which ye take. Here is the honey, here's the sting. I have my methods and my ways, And if they suit, then well and good; But not for sentiment or praise Or love, well be it understood, Can anything be got from me. Or any law be changed, Or weakened any energy, Or any course deranged. I'm business — can't you plainly see? No puling sentiment for me! To me there is no good, there is no bad; These qualities belong to you to find. You call that object good which makes you glad, The evil thing is that which makes you sad. 124 God or Nature. To all outside your narrow selves how blind; I made your evil — ergo, I'm unkind! Yea, I made all things — that is very true; But not a thing with reference to you. I am all things that be, All things are I and mine, Stars, comets, land and sea, Air and winds, time and tides. All, all belong to me — There's nothing else besides. I am the Dynamis — Eternal Force; I hurl the stars each on its several course, I bind them all with gravitations tether. And lash the scattered universe together. I change and reappear in endless forms, In shivering light, electric waves and storms, In undulating heat and pulsing sound. In meteor's fall and vapor's upward bound; In chemic transformations nervous flow. In coursing blood and blush's ruddy glow, In muscle's sturdy pull and pounding heart, In hate, repulsion, thrusting part from part. Mysterious magnetism's subtle strain. Mysterious consciousness of quivering brain, God or Nature. 125 Affinity and love, like steel to bind; In growth, sense, feeling, reason, life, and mind. Each one by his environment is pressed. Coerced, transformed, and fashioned by the rest, With wondrous art, in atom, mass, and mole — The creature of an uncreated whole. I am environment and creature, too. Forever dying, shooting forth anew, Changing endlessly in form and feature. Endlessly repeating. I am Nature! I am Alpha and Omega, first and last. The total of the present and the product of the past. Of all my endless energies the sum. The fashioner of all things far and near. The promise and the potency of all that is to come. I am the Ancient of Days. I am the Devil whom ye ignorantly fear; I am the Godhead vv^hom ye ignorantly praise." * ♦ * Energy and substance — these two in one comprise All things that are, or were, or ever can arise. They form the absolute and comprehensive whole. In every atom, every mass, behold the two com- bined. All matter is the universal body, brain, and soul. All motion is the universal mind. Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. Neutralizing Agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date* FEB 1999 QBKKEEPER V^ PRESERVATION TECHNOLCX3IES, LP. 1 1 1 Thomson Park Drive Cranberry Township, PA 16066 (724)779-2111 * o <0 ^ '^ • » K- ' A^"-, •nt ° S^"-'*^ V '^V'^^'^-m'^^^^^^^^ "-^0 o. '♦