LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 
 
 * 'r^t--'' -i-, " 
 
 i UNITED STATES OP AMERICA, t 
 
THE 
 
 aRA.CE OF GOD 
 
 MAGNIFIED: 
 
 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT 
 
 7 
 
 By H. E. TALIAFERRO, 
 
 JUNIOR EDITOR OF THE S. W. BAPTIST, TUSKEGEE, ALA. 
 
 By the grace of God I am what I am-"— Paul. 
 
 CHARLESTON: 
 OUTHBEN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETY; 
 
 No. 229 King.Btreet* 
 
 1857. 
 
 IMSHIH^ 
 
u'^^ 
 
 -^^^.s^^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 A 
 
 Entered according to x4ct of Congress, in the year 1857, 
 
 BY THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST PUBLICATION SOCIETT, 
 
 In the Clerk's Office of the Distrit Court of South* 
 Carolina. 
 
 CHARLESTON: 
 fAHES AND WILLIAMS, PRINTERS, 
 16 STATE STREET. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 The precious work of grace in my isoul, wrouglit by 
 the Holy Spirit, and detailed in the following pages, 
 was completed in June, 1851. Up to this time, I have 
 related it to but few persons. I purposely concealed it, 
 *' lest any man should think of me above that which he 
 seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me." But the fe v 
 to whom I have ventured to detail it, uniformly sug- 
 gested its publication in some form. The passage, 
 *' When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren," 
 was often suggested as a reason; but no permanent im- 
 pression was made on my mind to give it publicity, till 
 May 185G, when I mentioned the subject to a friend, 
 whose judgment I greatly respect, in a letter. He res- 
 ponded, '' Write it out, by all means; — publish it. It 
 will do good to souls, and lead to a deeper tone of piety." 
 
 Prompted by such encouragement, and influenced by 
 the motives presented in this extract, I commenced the 
 narrative; aud at intervals, from pressing engagements, 
 have completed it; and now I present it to God's people, 
 hoping it may aid them in their pilgrimage. It claims 
 no literary merit; of its defects in that regard, I am ful- 
 ly aware. I have written it plainly, for all classes. The 
 letters which I wrote during the time of my conflict, 
 were not expected to be seen by any, but those to whom 
 
IV PREFACE, 
 
 they were addressed. I have introduced them into these 
 pages, with but little verbal alteration. I wished them 
 to show the feelings of my heart at the time. The friend 
 before alluded to, advised me in regard to the letters — 
 " Let every word stay as you wrote it; for the thoughts 
 came out as you felt them.^^ I now give this imperfect 
 work into the hands of Him who wrought 'perfect zvork in 
 my soul; and may He dispose of it as seemeth good iu 
 His sight. 
 
 H. E. T. 
 Tusliiegee, Ala., Jan. Ist, 1857, 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 " Grace Magnified." I have just turned over the last 
 leaf of this narrative, of a deeper work of grace on a 
 believer's heart. I will not call it engaging ; lest the 
 natural fondness for what is simply easy and pleasant, 
 may lead the reader to expect entertainment in it. Yet, if 
 the reader be one whose heart the Lord has touched, 
 this narrative will be so far engaging, that having once 
 taken it up, he will not spontaneously lay it down until 
 he has finished its continuous and anxious perusal; and 
 the subject will have left such an impression on his 
 mind, that he will be engaged to pray and labor all the 
 residue of life, that grace may be so magnified also in 
 himself. 
 
 There is a tendency in man, not peculiar to one age, 
 to be superficial in religion — to heal the hurt slightly, 
 *' saying peace, peace ", when there is no peace.'' While 
 we have reason to expect that in the advanced gospel 
 times, abounding in knowledge and the fruits of the 
 Holy Spirit, the Redeemer will make a '' short tvork'' in 
 the earth — it may be seriously inquired whether there are 
 not tendencies to abbreviation and slightness sufficient 
 to make the profesed subjection of some to the gospel 
 of Christ fall short of true regeneration. When it does 
 
VI INTRODUCTION. 
 
 occur, it is a fearful evil in the church of Christ; eluding 
 and scorning a cure. 
 
 Since the excellence of true religion is known and ad- 
 mitted, it is not wonderful that there should be many 
 imperfect and inadequate presentations of it. There will 
 be those who will form their ideas of a soldier by seeing 
 a uniform company in dress-parade on a May morning; 
 or of the qualities necessary for an ancient eastern 
 shepherd, (1 Sam. xvii. 34-36.) by the romantic image of 
 ruddy-faced youths playing on instruments under the 
 shade, while their flocks are quietly feeding near them. 
 
 Quite as erroneously, and far more fatally, do many 
 form ideas of religion. Without conviction at heart of 
 sin, in its deep depravity and vileness, they have no 
 travail, no struggles, no self-loathing, no utter abase- 
 ment and self renunciation, no lying infinitely low be- 
 fore God. Having no just conceptions of the eternal 
 rectitude of God's law, its spirituality and extent — they 
 see no aptness, nor any necessity, in that vast expendi- 
 ture of redemption — '"God was manifest in the flesh," 
 etc. 1 Tim. iii. 16. The conception they have of their 
 case relatively to God, requires no such combination of 
 majesty and grace, of sovereignty and condescension, as 
 are seen in Christ — making Him the chiefest of ten 
 thousand, and altogether lovely. They never have been 
 slain by the law; and the gospel is received as a cold 
 intellectuality, not as a life-giving influence. They look 
 on Christ as an amiable exemplar, in relation to social 
 life; but have no relish for that great, high, holy gentle- 
 ness in which he bears our sins and carries our sorrows ^ 
 and makes reconcilement of our great quarrel with our 
 
INTRODUCTION. VII 
 
 Maker. Such delight as they take in religion is more a 
 self-righteous complacency in their own exercises, than 
 a profound, serene, adoring satisfaction in the great 
 facts of the gospel. If they can but conceive well of 
 their own personal share in the favor of God, they stop 
 short of that generous and higher satisfaction reserved 
 for those w^ho see such a beauty and glory in the person 
 of Christ, and in the methods of mercy, as scarcely to 
 admit the necessity of asking for their own personal in- 
 terest in them. Satisfied with slender evidences of 
 amendment, and of the undefined presence of some 
 better thoughts and purposes, they do not struggle on, 
 through the demands and clamors of God's perfect law, 
 to plant themselves on the infinite satisfaction rendered 
 by Christ — their "wisdom, their righteousness, their sanc- 
 tification, their redemption." They know nothing of that 
 deep and settled security in Christ, which those feel 
 who "take hold of God-s covenant," who know nothing 
 but Jesus Christ and Him crucified, and who, thus found 
 in Him, receive a righteousness as theirs, not less per- 
 fect than His — in all its amplitude and completeness. 
 They conceive of themselves as having not much forgiven^ 
 and they love not much. The blessedness of simple duty, 
 and service; of doing what is meet and right to be done 
 agreeably to the holy mind of God, they but faintly 
 conceive of, and never realize. 
 
 Now, not to speak of the dmirjer of such, it is obvious 
 that they fall far below their privileges in Christ. The 
 narrative before us is specially interesting, as showing, 
 in a recent instance, what is attainable. This it does 
 without superstition or fanaticism. It lays claim to no 
 
Vlll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 new revelation, but leads us safely on in the footsteps 
 of the faith of the Bible saints, who have finished their 
 course with joy. It has no alliance to the pretended re- 
 vealments of an effete spiritualism. The word of God, in 
 its plain and sober interpretation, is here shown, invest- 
 ed with its appropriate living efiQcacy, leading a soul to 
 Christ; in whom believing, though now he sees him not, 
 he rejoices with a joy unspeakable and full of glory. 
 
 If this be the proper effect of believing all God^s word, 
 why should not all feel it? Christ may well ask now, as 
 formerly—'' Do ye now believe?" But I will not de- 
 tain the reader further from the perusal of the narative, 
 *' Thou that dwellest in the gardens, the companions 
 hearken to thy voice: Cause me to hear it .'" 
 
 B. MANLY. 
 
 Charleston, S. C, Jan. 23, 1857. 
 
 ■ 
 
THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED, 
 
 In November, 1831, through faith, God re- 
 vealed his Son to me, a poor sinner. I was 
 happy in the Lord Jesus, and rejoiced in the 
 God of'my salvation. Prompted by duty and 
 gratitude, I united with his people, and was 
 baptized in the month following. I commenced 
 in a feeble way to exercise a gift, which my 
 ascended and glorified Master had given me, 
 in the Spring of 1832. And from that day to 
 this, I have been, according to the Grace of 
 God given unto me, testifying to saint and 
 sinner, '* the gospel of the Grace of God." 
 
 But, reader, it is not my intention in this 
 narrative, to give you an account of my tra- 
 vel, trials, conflicts, joys and pleasures from 
 the day of my new creation to the present 
 hour; but to give you a plain and truthful ac- 
 count of the grace of God bestowed on me, 
 after many years. In 1851, God in mercy and 
 
10 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 grace, wrought a work in my heart, wliich 
 ''my soul hath still iu remembrance and is 
 humbled in me." 
 
 In a few days after the Divine Spirit, whose 
 right it is, took of the things of Christ and 
 showed them unto me, I was violently assault- 
 ed with doubts and fears as to my acceptance 
 with God; which annoyed me greatly till I 
 was relieved by other manifestations of my 
 acceptance in the Beloved. But my untiring 
 Adversary never forsook me long at a time; 
 and I was harassed with perplexing doubts 
 and fears and sceptical suggestions for up- 
 wards of twenty years. True — during this 
 long period I had seasons of precious enjoy- 
 ment, and often wondered why I so needless- 
 ly doubted my Saviour's love to me, and my 
 union with him through faith. But "the clouds 
 would soon return after the rain'' — clouds of 
 darkness, gloom and horror — that unfitted me 
 fur the effective discharge of my ministerial 
 duties, and destroyed my enjoyment as a 
 Christian. Instead of obeying the command, 
 ''Comfort ye, comfort ye, my people," I needed 
 some "son of consolation" to "strengthen my 
 weaks hands and to confirm my feeble knees;" 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGi^IFIED. 11 
 
 to say to my ''fearful heart, be strong, fear 
 not." 
 
 In 1848 my fears were greatly aroused by 
 reading a sketch of a sermon by Andrew Ful- 
 ler, at the ordination of a minister of the gos- 
 pel. Mr. Fuller was insisting upon the ne- 
 cessity of personal piety and spirituality in 
 the minister, as essential to his happiness as 
 a Christian, his success as a minister of Jesus, 
 and to his everlasting salvation. As the pa- 
 ragraph is not long, I will transcribe it. 
 
 *'A remark which I once heard from the 
 lips of that great and good man, the late Mr. 
 Abraham Booth, has often recurred to my re- 
 collection. 'I fear/ said he, 'there will be found 
 a larger proportion of wicked ministers than 
 of any other order of professing Christians.' 
 It did not occur to me at the time, nor has it 
 ever appeared since, that this remark proceed- 
 ed from a want of charity, but rather from a 
 deep knowledge of the nature of Christianity, 
 and an impartial knowledge of men and things. 
 It behoves us, not only as professing Chris- 
 tians, but as ministers, 'to examine ourselves, 
 whether we be in the faith.' It certainly is 
 possible, after we have preached to others, 
 that we should he cast away I I believe it is 
 
12 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 very common for the personal religion of a 
 minister to be taken for granted, and this 
 may prove a temptation for him to take it for* 
 granted too. Ministers being wholly devoted 
 to the service of God, are supposed to have 
 considerable advantages for spiritual improve- 
 ment. These they certainly have; and, if 
 their minds be spiritual, they may be expected 
 to make greater proficiency in the divine life 
 than their brethren. But it should be re- 
 membered that, if they are not spiritual, those 
 things which would otherwise prove a help 
 will prove a hindrance. If we study divine 
 subjects merely as ministers^ they will produce 
 no salutary efiect. We may converse with 
 the most impressive truths, as soldiers and 
 surgeons do with blood, till they cease to 
 make any impression upon us. We must me- 
 ditate upon these things as Christians^ first 
 feeding our own souls upon them, and then 
 imparting that which we have believed and 
 felt to others; or, w^hatever good we may do 
 them, v/e shall receive none ourselves. Unless 
 we mix faith with what we preach as well as 
 what we hear, the word will not profit us. It 
 may be on these accounts that ministers, 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 13 
 
 while employed in watching over others, are 
 BO solemnly warned against neglecting them- 
 selves : ' Take heed unto yourselves^ and to all 
 the flock etc' ' Take heed unto thyself, and 
 unto the doctrine; continue in them, for in 
 doing this thou shalt both save thyself and 
 them that hear thee.' " 
 
 In reading the foregoing, the thought that 
 so overwhelmed me was this: I saw that I had 
 up to that time, studied the Bible too much 
 as a professional man does his books, to learn 
 what to say and do to others; and not as a 
 Christian should, to digest its truths, imbibe 
 its spirit, and apply them first to myself. This 
 I saw had been the great error of my minis- 
 terial and Christian life; and it had never 
 occurred to me before. The suddenness of the 
 the discovery and the awfulness of the prob- 
 ability that, upon a close examination, I might 
 find myself an unconverted man, filled me with 
 confusion and alarm. My conscience re- 
 proached me sorely for my past neglect in a 
 matter so obvious. I saw that I had been 
 diligent in cultivating the vineyards of others, 
 but had given mine own to the rank growth 
 of briars and thorns, *'which is rejected and 
 2 
 
14 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be 
 burned." 
 
 1 immediately betook myself to beart-search- 
 ing examination and prayer. I also read the 
 word of God with a quickened interest, and 
 allowed it to speak with its mighty energy to 
 ony own heart. The result in a short time was 
 painful. My views of the depri^vity and sin- 
 fulness of my heart and nature were greatly 
 enlarged; and the striking contrast between 
 my impurity and the purity of the divine 
 character covered me with shame and self- 
 abhorrence. Added to this, were the stringent 
 demands of the holy law of God which I could 
 not meet, and which greatly increased my 
 perturbation of soul. In the contemplation of 
 these things, I lost sight of Christ as my 
 sacrifice for sin, and the Mediator betwixt a 
 holy God and my poor depressed soul. One 
 look at him by faith would have relieved me; 
 but it seemed to be the pleasure of God that 
 I should be sifted, as I now hope, for the bene- 
 fit of his dear children. 
 
 For some time *'my tears were my meat day 
 and night," and I kept up the importunate and 
 anxious inquiry with my soul, **Where is thy 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 15 
 
 God?'' In this- state of mind, and in this 
 course of conduct, I continued for some time, 
 discharging my duties as a minister of the 
 holy Jesus with great fear and trembling, oc- 
 casionally experiencing a little light and coin- 
 fort through the exercise of a weak faith in 
 the Lord Jesus, until with great caution and 
 secresy I laid my case fully and frankly before 
 an able, pious and experienced minister of the 
 gospel for his opinion and advice. He, in a 
 candid and faithful manner instructed me, and 
 pointed me to Christ, his sacrifice for my sins, 
 his righteousness for my clothing, his media- 
 tion as the basis of my acceptance with God, 
 the Father, and to the Holy Spirit as my 
 Banctifier. This he did so eloquently and 
 clearly, that my faith laid hold of it, and I 
 was comforted for some time. 
 
 But I relapsed again: My doubts and fears 
 returned with increased numbers, and with a 
 more terrible energy. The increased know- 
 ledge I had obtained of the holy character of 
 God, by a prayerful investigation of his word; 
 and the deeper insight which it gave me of 
 the sinfulness and depravity of my heart, 
 when contrasted, greatly increased my fear 
 
16 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 and anxiety of soul. Added to this, was the 
 alarming thought of an unconverted man 
 being a minister of the gospel — an unholy 
 man ministering in holy things! The fearful 
 doom of Korah, Dathan and Abiram, and of 
 Nadab and Abihu, sons of Aaron, loomed up 
 before me in all its terribleness. I read it and 
 re-read it. So concerned was I upon the sub- 
 ject, that I examined many commentators to 
 get their views, and among the number, Scott; 
 and when I read the frank confession which 
 he took occasion to make, of entering the 
 ministry in an unconverted state, knowingly, 
 my mind was by no means relieved. As it is 
 a link in the chain of my narrative; and as it 
 displays the mercy and grace of God in a 
 most striking manner, I will transcribe it 
 also: 
 
 *'One dreadful effect of this depravity 
 (speaking of the depravity of heart that in- 
 fluences some men to enter the sacred ministry 
 without being converted or called to the work 
 by the Holy Spirit) is the daring presumption, 
 with which numbers intrude into the sacred 
 ministry, from the base motives of covetous- 
 ness and ambition, and love of ease or in- 
 
THE GBACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 'T 
 
 dulgence, without any suitable disposition, 
 without any love for the work, or delight in it, 
 any zeal for the honor of God, or any deep 
 compassion for the souls of perishing sinners. 
 Yet will such men dare to say, in the most 
 solemn manner before God and his congrega- 
 tion, that they judge themselves ^moved by 
 the Holy Ghost to take this work upon them-/ 
 they are not only conscious of hypocrisy in 
 this declaration, but deride the very inquiry 
 as enthusiasm. Of such conduct the author 
 himself was guilty; and, to the end of his 
 days, would he be abased before God on ac- 
 count of it; and admire and adore the patience 
 and loving kindness of the Lord, that, instead 
 of being visited after the manner of Korah, it 
 pleased God to give him repentance and for- 
 giveness; and to employ him in the work of 
 the ministry, wiiji some small degree of use- 
 fulness; %r where sin abounded, grace hath 
 much more abounded.' And he mentions this 
 bumilitating subject, not only that the pious 
 reader may bless God in his behalf; but that 
 he may hope and pray earnestly and constantly 
 for others, -who lie under the same guilt, 
 that they may experience the same grace. — 
 
18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 'For our God hath mercy on whgm he will 
 have mercy.' ^' 
 
 While I did not regard my case as analo- 
 gous to that of Mr. Scott's — for I joined the 
 Church of Christ prompted by pure motives, 
 and entered the ministry from the same pure 
 influences — yet I may not he a converted man , vras 
 the thought which tormented me day and 
 night. To be lost atjast as a professor; aud 
 after having preached to others the gospel of 
 Christ, to be deceived, and ^' be cast away" 
 as a preacher, these were my troubles. Thus 
 I continued with occasional gleams'* of light 
 and hope till the winter of 1850-51, when 
 my distress of mind became almost insup- 
 portable. The more I examined my heart in 
 the light of the holy law of God, the plainer 
 my innate depravity appeared; and the more 
 I examined the character of God as revealed 
 in his word, the plainer my unfitness to ap- 
 pear before him in a perfect righteousness was 
 manifested. In the contrast, the disparity 
 was overwhelming to my soul. I had such 
 clear views of the holiness and justice of God 
 and such deep views of the depravity of my 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19 
 
 heart and the sinfulness of my nature, that I 
 often uttered, in deep anguish, Job's inquiry, 
 *'How shall a man be just with God?'' 
 
 In this state of mind I would often go into 
 the pulpit, and feel that I should be preached 
 to, instead of preaching to others; and that I 
 was " the chief of sinners" in the congrega- 
 tion. I did not feel guilty of having commit- 
 ted those overt acts of wickedness condemned 
 by the word of God, and the common con- 
 science of mankind; for such things I greatly 
 abhorred, and my awakened and trembling 
 conscience would not allow me to connive at 
 them. But my thoughts were wicked, and 
 my imagination and whole being I regarded 
 as corrupt before a holy God. As I have 
 stated, often did I preach in this gloomy, des- 
 pairing state of mind; sometimes in pointing 
 sinners to Christ, I would lose sight of my 
 vile, sinful self, and look at him whom I was 
 commending to others, and thus be relieved 
 and quite happy. But as soon as I would sit 
 down, the pall of darkness would fall upon 
 me with increased weight, not unfrequently 
 with the horrid temptation, that there was no 
 reality in the doctrine I had preached. Often 
 
20 AS EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 was my vanity approached by the suggestion, 
 that I would better spend my time and devote 
 my talents and energies to some pursuit in 
 in which there was a reality^ in which there 
 were honor and profit. It was further sug- 
 gested that it would be well to let my mem- 
 bership remain in a Christian Church as I was 
 already there, inasmuch as morality was a good 
 thing any way; and i/ there was any futurity, 
 it would be decidedly best to pursue that 
 course. But such thoughts were so horrid to 
 my soul, that I expelled them as soon as pos- 
 sible. 
 
 I would at times unbosom myself to judicious 
 Christian people, but they could give me no 
 comfort; for they never seemed to think that 
 I was serious upon the subject. As I was a 
 preacher, they took it for granted that I must 
 be a Christian, and of course that my doubts 
 must be unreasonable. And when I would 
 mention the subject to preachers, they would 
 either chide me for my unbelief or confound 
 me with reasoning. Still, these things brought 
 no solid comfort to my soul. When I prayed, 
 it was, in my estimation, as a poor, polluted, 
 guilty sinner approaching a holy God, and I 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 21 
 
 felt that I should not be heard. A full and 
 clear view of Christ was still concealed from 
 me. 
 
 In the year 1851, I served two churches as 
 pastor. I commenced my year's labor with 
 the feelings above described. But a crisis 
 had arrived in my religious history. Some- 
 thing must be done. The intolerable burden, 
 I could bear no longer. My happiness and use- 
 fulness as a Christian, (if I was one) and as 
 a minister of Christ, were involved in the set- 
 tlement of the question; am I a Christianl 
 I resolved, by the help of God, to settle that 
 hitherto perplexing question; and while the 
 investigation was going on, I determined 
 never to mention it to a human being, lest 
 they should administer comfort to me, when I 
 was not entitled to it. I saw that it was a 
 matter pending between God and my own 
 soul, and we were the parties to settle it. 
 But, before I commenced the investigation, as 
 I had purposed, it turned out in the provi- 
 dence of God, that I read " Elijah the Tish- 
 BiTE," by Krummacher, and was overpowered 
 with the deepest emotions in reading the fol- 
 lowing incident. Though lengthy, I will give 
 
22 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 it in full; hoping it will be blessed to the 
 awakening of some soul now sleeping in car- 
 nal security, or some deceived one. 
 
 '' There was, some years ago," says Mr, 
 Krummacher, of Elberfeld, in the Valley of 
 Barmen, Prussia, *' not far from this place, a 
 very gifted preacher, who for several years 
 preached with great earnestness and success, 
 the doctrine of the cross; but who, on that 
 very account, was violently opposed. One of 
 his opponents, a well informed person, who 
 had for a long time absented himself from the 
 church, thought, one Sunday morning, that he 
 would go and hear the gloomy man once more; 
 to see w^iether his preaching might be more 
 tolerable to him than it had been heretofore. 
 He went; and that morning the preacher was 
 speaking of the narrow way, which he did 
 not make any narrower or broader than the 
 Word of God describes it. ^A new creature 
 in Christ, or eternal condemnation,^ was the 
 theme of his discourse; and he spoke with 
 power, and not as a mere learned reasoner. 
 During the sermon, the question forced itself 
 upon this hearer's conscience, ^ How is it with 
 myself? Does this man declare the real truth? 
 
V 
 THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNII'IED. 23 
 
 If he does, what must inevitably follow from 
 it? This thought took such a hold upon him^ 
 that he could not get rid of it amidst any of 
 his engagements or amusements. But it 
 became, from day to day, more and more trou- 
 blesome; and threatened to embitter every 
 joy of his life; so that, at last, he thought he 
 would go to the preacher himself, and ask him 
 upon his conscience, if he were convinced of 
 the truth of that which he had lately preach- 
 ed. He fulfilled his intention, and went to the 
 preacher. 'Sir,' said he to him, with great ear- 
 nestness, *I was one of your hearers when you 
 spoke, a short time since, of the only way of 
 salvation. I confess to you that you have dis- 
 turbed my peace of mind, and I cannot refrain 
 from asking you solemnly before God, and 
 upon your conscience, if you can prove what 
 you asserted, or whether it was an unfounded 
 alarm?' The preacher, not a little surprised 
 at this address, replied with convincing cer- 
 tainty, that he had spoken the Word of God, 
 and consequently, infallible truth. * What, 
 then, is to become of us^^ replied the visitor. 
 His last word, us^ started the preacher; but 
 he rallied his strength, and began to explain 
 
24 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 the plan of salvation to the inquirer, and to 
 exhort him to repent and believe. But the 
 latter, as though he had not heard one word 
 of what the preacher said, interrupted him in 
 the midst of it, and repeated, with increasing 
 emotion, the anxious exclamation, ^ If it be 
 truth, sir, I beseech you, what are we to do?' 
 Terrified, the preacher staggered back. 'Wei' 
 thought he, 'what means this weP and endeavor- 
 ing to stifle his inward uneasiness and embar- 
 assment, he resumed his exhortations and ad- 
 vice. Tears came into the eyes of the visitor; he 
 smote his hands together like one in despair, 
 and exclaimed in an accent, that might have 
 moved a heart of stone, ' Sir, if it be truth, 
 we are lost and undone !' The preacher stood 
 pale, trembling and speechless. Then over- 
 whelmed with astonishment, with down cast 
 eyes and convulsive sobbings, he exclaimed, 
 * Friend, down on your knees, let us pray 
 and cry for mercy!' They knelt down, and 
 prayed; and shortly afterwards the visitor 
 left. The preacher shut himself up in his 
 closet. Next Sunday, word was sent that the 
 minister was unwell, and could not appear. 
 The same thing happened on the Sunday fol- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 25 
 
 lowing. On the third Sunday, the preacher 
 made his appearance before his congregation, 
 worn with his inward conflict, and pale, but 
 his eyes beaming with joy, and commenced 
 his discourse with the surprising and affecting 
 declaration, that he had now, for the first time, 
 passed through the strait gate. You will 
 ask, what had occurred in his chamber during 
 the interval which had elapsed. A storm pass- 
 ed over before him — but the Lord was not in 
 the storm; an earthquake— but the Lord was 
 not in the earthquake; afire — but the Lord 
 was not in the fire. Then came a still small 
 voice; on which the man enveloped his face 
 in his mantle, and from that time knew ^vhat 
 was the gospel, and what was grace." 
 
 A diseased and melancholy man is apt to 
 think that he has nearly every disease. He 
 takes up a medical work to search for his dis- 
 ease; he reads the symptoms of various com- 
 plaints, and comes to the conclusion that he 
 has a touch of them all. The condition of the 
 preacher above described, I concluded was 
 precisely my case. I had urged repentance 
 upon others, but had never repented in a god- 
 ly manner myself; I had insisted strenuously 
 3 
 
2fe 
 
 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT* 
 
 for the new birth in others, but I had nevef 
 experienced it; I had directed others to Christ, 
 but I had never seen him by a living faith. 
 These thoughts, and others like them, pro- 
 duced a settled gloom and melancholy upon 
 my soul. I had no heart to pray, I was so 
 utterly confounded. Nor had I the courage to 
 investigate the subject, as I had just before 
 this, intended. The adversary and ^'accuser 
 of the brethren" assaulted me greatly at this 
 point, and tantalized me with fiendish delight. 
 '^ Where now is thy God? Where ngw are 
 thy hopes and joys? Where are thy pros- 
 pects of heaven? Pretty physician! laboring 
 to heal others! Heal thyself." 
 
 For some two months, I remained in this 
 state of fear and despondency, utterly unable 
 to help myself, and without the ability or 
 courage to apply to God for help. Thus, in 
 March, 1851, I went to one of my churches, 
 and after I had preached, went home with a 
 good brother, who, after he had conversed 
 with me awhile, remarked that a colporteur 
 had left some tracts at his house, one of which 
 he was much pleased with, and he would 
 hunt it up and let me read it. It "pleased me 
 much, for I preferred any thing to conversa- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 27 
 
 tion, and solitude was my choice. The tract 
 to which he alluded secDied to be misplaced, 
 and while in search of it, he handed me ano- 
 ther, with the remark, '' this is a very good 
 one, which you can look at while I search for 
 the other." I had always regarded tracts 
 with comparative indifference, but I received 
 it from the good brother, and vastly preferred 
 it to conversation. I found it to be " The 
 Conversion of President Edwards." I conclud- 
 ed that a tract written by the great and the 
 good Jonathan Edwards, ^* containing a sketch 
 of his early religious history, and the distin- 
 guishing operations of the Spirit in his pro- 
 gress in the divine life," could and should in- 
 terest any man. I read it with deeper, and 
 with far different emotions, than I had ever 
 read any other human production. I hope 
 the reader will not consider it vain and ego- 
 tistic in me, to publish a production of that 
 great divine and metaphysician, in this narra- 
 tive. It is an important link in my experi* 
 ence, and was so instrumental in its produc- 
 tion, that it cannot well be passed over. Be- 
 sides, I cannot do my readers a better service 
 than to give them the tract entire. 
 
28 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 CONVERSION 
 
 OF 
 
 PRESIDENT EDWARDS, 
 
 FROM A NA.RRATIVE WRITTEN BY HIMSELF. 
 
 I had a variety of concerns and exercises 
 about my soul from my childhood; but had 
 two more remarkable seasons of awakening, 
 before I met with that change by which I was 
 brought to those new dispositions, and that 
 new sense of things, that I have since had. 
 The first time was when I was a boy, some 
 years before I went to college, at a time of 
 remarkable awakening in my father's congre- 
 
 NoTE. — President Edwards was born at "Windsor, Con., 
 October 5, 1703; graduated at Yale College, September, 
 1720; preached in New York, eight months in 1722-3; 
 was appointed tutor at Yale College, September, 1724; 
 ordained at Northampton, Mass., February 15, 1727; dis- 
 missed, June 22, 1750; stationed as a missionary to the 
 Indians at Stockbridge, August, 1751; where he wrote 
 his Treatise on the Will; elected President of New Jer- 
 Bey College, October, 1757; died March, 1758, aged 54. 
 The above account of his religious exercises was found 
 among his papers at his death, and is supposed to have 
 been written at Northampton, when he was about forty 
 years of age, for his own private advantage. 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 29 
 
 gation. I was then very much affected for 
 many months, and concerned about the things 
 of religion, and my souVs salvation; and was 
 abundant in duties. I used to pray five times 
 a day in secret, and to spend much time in re- 
 ligious talk with other boys; and used to 
 meet with them to pray together. I experi- 
 enced I know not what kind of delight in re- 
 ligion. My mind was much engaged in it, 
 and had much self-righteous pleasure; and it 
 was my delight to abound in religious duties. 
 I with some of my school-mates joined toge- 
 ther, and built a booth in a swamp, in a very 
 retired spot, for a place of prayer. And be- 
 sides, I had particular secret places of my own 
 in the woods, where I used to retire by myself; 
 and was from time to time much afiected. My 
 affections seemed to be lively and easily 
 moved, and I seemed to be in my element 
 when engaged in religious duties. And I am 
 ready to think, many are deceived with such 
 affections, and such a kind of delight as I then 
 had in religion, and mistake it for grace. 
 
 But in process of time, my convictions and 
 affections wore off; and I entirely lost all 
 those affections and delights and left off secret 
 
80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 prayer, at least as to any constant performance 
 of it; and returned like a dog to his vomit, 
 and went on in the ways of sin. Indeed I was 
 at times very uneasy, especially towards the 
 latter part of my time at college; when it 
 pleased God to seize me with a pleurisy, in 
 which he brought me nigh to the grave, and 
 shook me over the pit of hell. And yet, it 
 was not long after my recovery, before I fell 
 again into my old ways of sin. But God would 
 not suffer me to go on with any quietness; I 
 had great and violent inward struggles, till 
 after many conflicts with wicked inclinations, 
 repeated resolutions, and bonds that I laid 
 myself under, by a kind of vows to God, 
 I was brought wholly to break off all former 
 wicked ways, and all ways of known outward 
 sin; and to apply myself to seek salvation, 
 and practice many religious duties; but with- 
 out that kind of affection and delight which I 
 had formerly experienced. My concern now 
 wrought more by inward struggles and con- 
 flicts, and self-reflections. I made seeking my 
 salvation the main business of my life. But 
 yet, it seems to me, I sought after a miserable 
 manner; which has made me sometimes since 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 
 
 to question, whether ever it issued in that 
 which was saving: being ready to doubt, 
 whether such miserable seeking ever succeed- 
 ed. I was indeed brought to seek salvation 
 in a manner that I never was before; I felt a 
 spirit to part with all things in the world, for 
 an interest in Christ. My concern continued 
 and prevailed, with many exercising thoughts 
 and inward struggles ; but yet it never seemed 
 to be proper to express that concern by the 
 name of terror. 
 
 From my childhood up, my mind had been 
 full of objections against the doctrine of God^s 
 sovereignty, in choosing whom he would to 
 eternal life, and rejecting whom he pleased; 
 leaving them eternally to perish, and be ever- 
 lastingly tormented in hell. It used to appear 
 like a horrible doctrine to me. But I remem- 
 ber the time very well, when I seemed to be 
 convinced, and fully satisfied, as to this sove- 
 reignty of God, and his justice in thus eter- 
 nally disposing of m-en, according to his sove- 
 reign pleasure. But I never couldgive an ac- 
 count how, or by what means, I was thus con- 
 vinced, not in the least imagining at the time, 
 nor a long time after, that there was any ex- 
 
82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 traordinary iDfluence of God's Spirit in it; but 
 only that now I saw further, and my reason 
 apprehended the justice and reasonableness of 
 it. However, my mind rested in it; and it 
 put an end to all those cavils and objections. 
 And there has been a wonderful alteration in 
 my mind, with respect to the doctrine of God's 
 sovereignty, from that day to this; so that I 
 scarce ever have found so much as the rising 
 of an objection against it, in the most abso- 
 lute sense, in God's showing mercy to whom 
 he will show mercy, and hardening whom he 
 will. God's absolute sovereignty and justice, 
 with respect to salvation and damnation, is 
 what my mind seems to rest assured of, as 
 much as of any thing that I see with my eyes; 
 at least it is so at times. But I have often, 
 since that first conviction, had quite another 
 kind of sense of God's sovereignty than I had 
 then. I have often since had, not only a con- 
 viction, but a delightful conviction. The doc- 
 trine has very often appeared exceeding plea- 
 sant, bright and sweet. Absolute sovereignty 
 is what I love to ascribe to God. But my 
 first conviction was not so. 
 
 The first instance that I remember of that 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFED. 33 
 
 sort of inward, sweet delight in God and di- 
 vine things, that I have lived much in since, 
 was on reading those words, 1 Tim. i. IT, Now 
 unto the King eternal ^ immortal^ invisible^ the only 
 wise God, he honor and glory for ever and ever, 
 Amen. As I read the words, there came into 
 my soul, and was as it were diffused through 
 it, a sense of the glory of the Divine Being; 
 a new sense, quite different from any thing I 
 ever experienced before. Never any words of 
 Scripture seemed to me as these words did. I 
 thought with myself, how excellent a Being 
 that was, and how happy I should be, if I 
 might enjoy that God, and be rapt up to him 
 in heaven, and be as it were swallowed up in 
 him forever I I kept saying, and as it were 
 singing over these words of Scripture to my- 
 self; and went to pray to God that I might en- 
 joy him, and prayed in a manner quite different 
 from what I used to do; with a new sort of 
 affection. But it never came into my thought, 
 that there was any thing spiritual, or of a 
 saving nature, in this. 
 
 From about that time, I began to have a 
 new kind of apprehension and idea of Christ, 
 and the work of redemption, and the glorious 
 
84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 way of salvation by him. An inward, sweet 
 sense of these things, at times, came into my 
 heart; and my soul was led away in pleasant 
 views and contemplations of them. And my 
 mind was greatly engaged to spend my time 
 in reading and meditating on Christ, on the 
 beauty and excellency of his person, and the 
 lovely way of salvation by free grace in him. 
 I found no books so delightful to me, as those 
 that treated of these subjects. Those words, 
 Cant. ii. 1, used to be abundantly with me, 1 
 a VI the Rose of Sharon and tht Lily of theValleys. 
 The words seemed to me, sweetly to represent 
 the loveliness and beauty of Jesus Christ. 
 The whole book of Canticles used to be plea- 
 sant to me, and I used to be much in reading 
 it, about that time; and found, from time to 
 time, an inward sweetness, that would carry 
 me away, in my contemplations. This I know 
 not how to express otherwise, than by a calm, 
 sweet abstraction of soul from all the concerns 
 of this world; and sometimes a kind of vision 
 or fixed ideas and imaginations, of being 
 alone in the mountains, or some solitary wil- 
 derness, far from all mankind, sweetly convei - 
 sing with Christ, and rapt and swallowed up 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 35 
 
 in God. The sense I had of divine things, 
 would often of a sudden kindle up, as it were, 
 a sweet burning in my heart; an ardor of soul, 
 that I know not how to express. 
 
 Not long after I first began to experience 
 these things, I gave an account to my father 
 of some things that had passed in my mind. 
 I was pretty much affected by the discourse 
 we had together; and when the discourse was 
 ended, I walked abroad alone, in a solitary 
 place in my father^s pasture, for contempla- 
 tion. And as I was walking there, and look- 
 ing up on the sky and clouds, there came into 
 my mind so sweet a sense of the glorious ma- 
 jesty and grace of God, that I know not how to 
 express, I seemed to see them both in a sweet 
 conjunction; majesty and meekness joined to- 
 gether; it was a sweet, and gentle, and holy 
 majesty; and also a majestic meekness; an 
 awful sweetness; a high, and great, and holy 
 gentleness. 
 
 After this my sense of divine things gradu- 
 ally increased, and became more and more 
 lively, and had more of that inward sweetness. 
 The appearance of every thing was altered; 
 there seemed to be, as it were, a calm, sweet 
 
36 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 cast, or appearance of divine glory, in almost 
 every thing. God's excellency, his wisdom; 
 his purity and love, seemed to appear in every 
 thing; in the sun, and moon and stars; in the 
 clouds, and blue sky; in the grass, flowers, 
 trees; in the water, and all nature; which 
 used greatly to ^x my mind. I often used 
 to sit and view the moon for continuance; and 
 in the day, spent much time in viewing the 
 clouds and sky, to behold the sweet glory of 
 God in these things; in the mean time, sing- 
 ing forth, with a low voice, my contempla- 
 tions of the Creator and Eedeemer. And scarce 
 any thing, among all the works of nature, was 
 so sweet to me as thunder and lightning; for- 
 merly, nothing had been so terrible to me. 
 Before, I used to be uncommonly terrified with 
 thunder, and to be struck with terror when I 
 saw a thunder storm rising; but now, on the 
 contrary, it rejoiced me. I felt God, so to 
 speak, at the first appearance of a thunder 
 storm; and used to take the opportunity at 
 such times, to fix myself in order to view the 
 clouds, and see the lightnings play, and hear 
 the majestic and awful voice of God's thunder, 
 which oftentimes was exceedingly entertain- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 3T 
 
 ing, leading me to sweet contemplations of 
 my great and glorious God. While thus en- 
 gaged, it always seemed natural to me to sing, 
 or chant for my meditations- or, to speak my 
 thoughts in soliloquies with a singing voice. 
 
 I felt then great satisfaction, as to my good 
 state; but that did not content me. I had 
 vehement longings of soul after God and 
 Christ, and after more holiness, wherewith my 
 heart seemed to be full, and ready to break; 
 which often brought to my mind the words of 
 the Psalmist, Psal. cxix. 28, My soul breaketh 
 for the longing it hath, I often felt a mourning 
 and lamenting in my heart, that I had not 
 turned to God sooner, that I might have had 
 more time to grow in grace. My mind was 
 greatly fixed on divine things; almost perpet- 
 ually in the contemplation of them. I spent 
 most of my time in thinking of divine things, 
 year after year; often walking alone in the 
 woods, and solitary places, for meditation, so- 
 liloquy and prayer, and converse with God; and 
 it was always my manner, at such times, to 
 sing forth my contemplations. I was almost 
 constantly in ejaculatory prayer, wherever I 
 was. Prayer seemed to be natural to me 
 I 
 
38 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 as the breath by which the inward burnings 
 of my heart had vent. The delights which i 
 now felt in the things of religion, were of an 
 exceeding different kind from those before men- 
 tioned, that I had when a boy; and what I then 
 had no more notion of, than one born blind has 
 of pleasant and beautiful colors. They were of 
 a more inward, pure, soul-animating and re- 
 freshing nature. Those former delights never 
 reached the heart; and did not arise from any 
 sight of the divine excellency of the things of 
 God; or any taste^of the soul-satisfying and life- 
 giving good there is in them. 
 
 My sense of divine things seemed gradual- 
 ly to increase, until I went to preach at New 
 York, which was about a year and a half after 
 they began, and while I was there I felt them, 
 very sensibly, in a much higher degree than I 
 had before. My longings after God and holi- 
 ness were much increased. Pure and humble 
 holy and heavenly Christianity, appeared ex- 
 ceeding amiable to me. I felt a burning de- 
 sire to be in every thing a complete Christian, 
 and conformed to the blessed image of Christ; 
 and that I might live, in all things, according 
 to the pure, sweet and blessed rules of the 
 gospel. I had an eager thirsting after pro- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 39 
 
 gross in these things; which put me upon 
 pursuing and pressing after them. It was my 
 continual strife, day and night, %nd constant 
 inquiry, how I should he more -holy and live 
 more holily, and more becoming a child of 
 God and a disciple of Christ. I now sought 
 an increase of grace and holiness, and a 
 holy life, with much more earnestness than 
 ever I sought grace before I had it. I used 
 to be continually examining myself, and stu- 
 dying and contriving for likely ways and 
 means how I should live holily, with far greater 
 diligence and earnestness than ever I pursued 
 any thing in my life; but yet with too great a 
 dependance on my own strength, which after- 
 wards proved a great damage to me. My ex- 
 perience had not then taught me, as it has 
 done since, my extreme feebleness and impo- 
 tence, every manner of way, and the bottom- 
 less depths of secret corruption and deceit 
 there was in my heart. However, I went on 
 v/ith my eager pursuit after more holiness and 
 conformity to Christ. 
 
 The heaven I desired was a heaven of holi- 
 ness: to be with God, and to spend my etern- 
 ity in divine love and holy communion with 
 
40 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Christ. My mind was very much taken Tip 
 "with contemplations on heaven and the enjoy- 
 ments there, and living there in perfect holi- 
 ness, humility and love; and it used at that 
 time to appear a great part of the happiness 
 of heaven, that there the saints could express 
 their love to Christ. It appeared to me a 
 great clog and burden, that what I felt within 
 I could not express as I desired. The inward 
 ardor of my soul seemed to be hindered and 
 pent up, and could not freely flame out as it 
 would. I used often to think how in heaven 
 this principle should freely and fully vent and 
 express itself. Heaven appeared exceedingly 
 delightful, as a world of love; and that all 
 happiness consisted in living in pure, humble, 
 heavenly, divine love. 
 
 I remember the thoughts I used then to 
 have of holiness, and said sometimes to my- 
 self, ''I do certainly know that I love holiness, 
 such as the gospel prescribes.^' It appeared 
 to me that there was nothing in it but what 
 was ravishingly lovely; the highest beauty 
 and amiableness — a divine beauty; far purer 
 than any thing here upon earth; and that 
 every thing else was like mire and defilement 
 in comparison of it. 
 
TEE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 41 
 
 Holiness, as I then wrote down some of my 
 contemplations on it, appeared to me to be of 
 a sweet, pleasant, charming, serene, calm na- 
 ture; which brought an inexpressible purity, 
 brightness, peacefulness, and ravishment to 
 the soul. In other words, that it made the 
 soul like a field or garden of God, with all 
 manner of pleasant flowers; all pleasant, de- 
 lightful, and undisturbed; enjoying a sweet 
 calm and the gently vivifying beams of the 
 sun. The soul of a true Christian, as I then 
 wrote my meditations, appeared like such a 
 little white flower as we see in the spring of 
 the year; low and humble on the ground, 
 opening its bosom to receive the pleasant 
 beams of the sun^s glory; rejoicing, as it were, 
 in a calm rapture; difi'using around a sweet 
 fragrancy; standing peacefully and lovingly 
 in the midst of other flowers round about; all 
 in like manner opening their bosoms to drink 
 in the light of the sun. There was no part of 
 creature holiness, that I had so great a sense 
 of its loveliness, as humility, brokenness of 
 heart, and poverty of spirit; and there was 
 nothing that I so earnestly longed for. My 
 heart panted after this: to lie low before God, 
 
42 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 as in the dust; that I might be nothing, and 
 that God might be all; that I might become 
 as a little child. 
 
 While at New York I was sometimes much 
 affected with reflections on my past life, con* 
 sidering how late it was before I began to be 
 truly religious; and how wickedly I had lived 
 till then; and once so as to weep abundantly, 
 and for a considerable time together. 
 
 On January 12, 1723, I made a solemn de- 
 dication of myself to God, and wrote it down: 
 giving up myself, and all I had to God; to be 
 for the future in no respect my own; to act 
 as one that had no right to himself, in any re- 
 spect; and solemnly vowed to take God for 
 my whole portion and felicity; looking on 
 nothing else as any part of my happiness, nor 
 acting as if it were; and his law for the con- 
 stant rule of my obedience; engaging to fight, 
 with all my might, against the world, the flesh, 
 and the devil, to the end of my life. But I 
 have reason to be infinitely humbled when I 
 consider how much I have failed of answering 
 my obligations. 
 
 I had then abundance of sweet religious 
 conversation in the family where I lived, with 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 43 
 
 Mr. John Smith and his pious mother. My 
 heart was knit in affection to those in whom 
 were appearances of true piety; and I could 
 bear the thoughts of no other companions but 
 such as were holy, and the disciples of the 
 blessed Jesus. I had great longings for the 
 advancement of Christ^s kingdom in the world; 
 and my secret prayer used to be, in great part 
 taken up in prayings for it. If I heard the 
 least hint of any thing that happened, in any 
 part of the world, that appeared, in some re- 
 spect or other, to have a favorable aspect on 
 the interests of Christ's kingdom, my soul 
 eagerly catched at it, and it would much ani- 
 mate and refresh me. I used to be eager to 
 read public news letters, mainly for that end; 
 to see if I could not find some news favorable 
 to the interests of religion in the world 
 
 I very frequently used to retire into a soli- 
 tary place, on the banks of Hudson's river, at 
 some distance from the cit}^ for contemplation 
 on divine things, and secret converse with 
 God; and had many sweet hours there. Some- 
 times Mr. Smith and I walked there together, to 
 converse on the things of God; and our con- 
 versation used to turn much on the advance- 
 
44 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 ment of Christ's kingdom in the world, and 
 the glorious things that God would accomplish 
 for his church in the latter days. I had then, 
 and at other times, the greatest delight in the 
 holy scriptures of any book whatsoever. — 
 Oftentimes, in reading it, every word seemed 
 to touch my heart. I felt a harmony between 
 something in my heart and those sweet and 
 and powerful words. I seemed often to see 
 so much light exhibited by every sentence, 
 and such a refreshing food communicated, that 
 I could not get along in reading; often dwel- 
 ling long on one sentence, to see the wonders 
 contained in it; and yet almost every sentence 
 seemed to be full of wonders. 
 
 I came away from New York in the month 
 of April, 1123, and had a most bitter parting 
 with Madam Smith and her son. My heart 
 seemed to sink within me at leaving the fami- 
 ly and city where I had enjoyed so many 
 sweet and pleasant days. I went from New 
 York to Wethersfield by water, and as I sailed 
 away, I kept sight of the city as long as I 
 could. However, that night after this sorow- 
 ful parting, I was greatly comforted in God 
 at Westchester, where we went ashore to 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 45 
 
 lodge, and had a pleasant time of it all the 
 voyage to Saybrook. It was sweet to me to 
 think of meeting dear Christians in heaven, 
 where we should never part more. At Say- 
 brook we went ashore to lodge on Saturday, 
 and there kept the Sabbath, where I had a 
 sweet and refreshing season, walking alone in 
 the fields. 
 
 After I came home to Windsor, I remained 
 much in a like frame of mind as when at New 
 York, only sometimes I felt my heart ready to 
 sink with the thoughts of my friends at New 
 York. My support was in contemplations on 
 the heavenly state, as I find in my Diary of 
 May 1, 1723. It was a comfort to think of 
 that state where there is fulness of joy; where 
 reigns heavenly, calm and delightful love, 
 without alloy ; where there are continually the 
 dearest expressions of this love; where is the 
 enjoyment of the persons loved, without ever 
 parting; where those persons who appea^^so 
 lovely in this world, will really be inexpres- 
 sibly more lovely and full of love to us. And 
 how sweetly will the mutual lovers join to- 
 gether to sing the praises of God and the 
 Lambl How will it fill us with joy to think 
 
46 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 that this eDJoyment, these sweet exercises, 
 will never cease, but will last to all eternity 1 
 
 I continued much in the same frame, in the 
 general, as when at Xew York, till I went to 
 New Haven as tutor to the college, particu- 
 larly once at Bolton, on a journey from Boston, 
 while walking out alone in the fields. After I 
 went to New Haven I sunk in religion, my 
 mind being diverted from my eager pursuits 
 after holiness by some affairs that greatly 
 perplexed and distracted my thoughts. 
 
 In September, 1125, 1 was taken ill at New 
 Haven, and while endeavoring to go home to 
 Windsor, was so ill at the North Village that I 
 could go no further, where I lay sick for about 
 a quarter of a year. In this sickness God 
 was pleased to visit me again with the sweet 
 influences of his Spirit. My mind was greatly 
 engaged there in divine, pleasant contempla- 
 tions and longings of soul. I observed that 
 those who watched with me, would often be 
 looking out wishfully for the morning, which 
 brought to my mind those words of the 
 Psalmist, and which my soul, with delight, 
 made its own language. My soul waitethfor the 
 Lord, more than they that watch for the morning, 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 47 
 
 1 say, more than they that watch for the morning; 
 and when the light of day came in at the win- 
 dows it refreshed my soul from one morning to 
 another. It seemed to be some image of the 
 light of God's glory. 
 
 I rememberj about that time, I used greatly 
 to long for the conversion of some that I was 
 concerned with; I could gladly honor them, 
 and with delight be a servant to them, and lie 
 at their feet, if they were but truly holy. But 
 some time after this I was again greatly di- 
 verted in my mind with some temporal con- 
 cerns that exceedingly took up my thoughts 
 greatly to the wounding of my soul, and went 
 on through various exercises that it would be 
 tedious to relate, which gave me much more 
 experience of my own heart than ever I had 
 before. 
 
 Since I came to this town,"^ I have often had 
 sweet complacency in God, in views of his 
 glorious perfections and the excellency of 
 Jesus Christ. God has appeared to me a glo- 
 rious and lovely Being, chiefly on the account 
 of his holiness. The holiness of God has al- 
 
 * Northampton. 
 
48 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 ways appeared to me the most lovely of all 
 his attributes. The doctrines of God^s abso- 
 lute sovereignty, and free grace, in showing 
 mercy to whom he would show mercy; and 
 man's absolute dependence on the operations 
 of God's Holy Spirit, have very often appeared 
 to me as sweet and glorious doctrines. These 
 doctrines have been much my delight. God's 
 sovereignty has ever appeared to me, great 
 part of his glory. It has often been my de- 
 light to approach God, and adore him as a 
 sovereign God, and ask sovereign mercy of 
 him. 
 
 I have loved the doctrines of the gospel; 
 they have been to my soul like green pastures. 
 The gospel has seemed to me the richest trea. 
 sure; the treasure that I have most desired, 
 and longed that it might dwell richly in me. 
 The way of salvation by Christ has appeared, 
 in a general way, glorious and excellent, most 
 pleasant and most beautiful. It has often 
 seemed to me, that it would in a great mea- 
 sure spoil heaven, to receive it in any other 
 V7ay. That text has often been affecting and 
 delightful to me, Isa. xxxii: 2 — A man shall be 
 a hiding place from the windj and a covert from the 
 tempest^ etc. 
 

 
 THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 49 
 
 It lias often appeared to me delightful, to be 
 united to Christ; to have him for my head, and 
 to be a member of his body; also to have 
 Christ for my teacher and prophet. I very 
 often think with sweetness and longings 
 and pantings of soul, of being a little child, 
 taking hold of Christ, to be led by him through 
 the wilderness of this world. That text, 
 Matt, xviii: 3, has often been sweet to me, 
 Except ye he converted^ and become as little children^ 
 etc. I love to think of coming to Christ, to 
 receive salvation from him, poor in spirit, and 
 quite empty of self, humbly exalting him 
 alone; cut off entirely from my own root, in 
 order to grow into, and out of Christ; to have 
 God in Christ to be all in all; and to live by 
 faith on the Son of God, a life of humble, un- 
 feigned confidence in him. That scripture has 
 often been sweet to me, Psal. cxv: 1, Not unto 
 us. O Lord^ not unto us, but unto thy name give 
 glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth^s sake. — ■ 
 And those words of Christ, Luke x: 21, In 
 that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank 
 thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that 
 thou hast hid these thi7igs from the wise and pru- 
 dentj and hast revealed ihevi unto babes; even so, 
 5 
 
50 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Father^ for so it seemed good in thy sight. That 
 sovereignty of God which Christ rejoiced in, 
 seemed to me worthy of such joy; and that 
 rejoicing seemed to show the excellency of 
 Christ, and of what spirit he was. 
 
 Sometimes, only mentioning a single word 
 caused my heart to burn within me; or only 
 seeing the name of Christ, or the name of 
 some attribute of God. And God has appear- 
 ed glorious to me, on account of the Trinity. 
 It has made me have exalting thoughts of 
 God, that he subsists in three persons: Father, 
 Son, and Holy Ghost. The sweetest joys and 
 delights I have experienced, have not been 
 those that have arisen from a hope of my 
 own good estate; but in a direct view of the 
 glorious things of the gospel. When I enjoy 
 this sweetness, it seems to carry me above 
 the thoughts of my own estate; it seems at 
 such times a loss that I cannot bear, to take 
 off my eye from the glorious, pleasant object 
 I behold without me, to turn my eye in upon 
 myself, and my own good estate. 
 
 My heart has been much on the advance- 
 ment of Christ^s kingdom in the world. The 
 histories of the past advancement of Christ's 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61 
 
 kingdom have been sweet to me. When I 
 have read histories of past ages, the pleasant- 
 est thing in all my reading has been, to read 
 of the kingdom of Christ being promoted. 
 And when I have expected, in my reading, to 
 come to any such thing, I have rejoiced in the 
 prospect, all the way as I read. And my mind 
 has been much entertained and delighted with 
 the scripture promises and prophecies, which 
 relate to the future glorious advancement of 
 Christ^s kingdom upon earth. 
 
 I have sometimes had a sense of the excel- 
 lent fulness of Christ, and his meetness and 
 suitableness as a Saviour; whereby he has 
 appeared to me, far above all, the chief of ten 
 thousands. His blood and atonement have 
 appeared sweet, and his righteousness sweet; 
 which was always accompanied with ardency 
 of spirit; and inward strugglings and breath- 
 ings, and groanings that cannot be uttered, to 
 be emptied of myself, and swallowed up in 
 Christ. 
 
 Once, as I rode out into the woods for my 
 health, in 173T, having aliglitod from my 
 horse in a retired place, as my manner com- 
 monly has been, to walk for divine contempla- 
 
52 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 tion and prayer, I had a view that for me was 
 extraordinary, of the glory of the Son of God, 
 as Mediator between God and man, and his 
 wonderful, great, full, pure and sweet grace 
 and love, and meek and gentle condescension. 
 This grace that appeared so calm and sweet, 
 appeared also great above the heavens. The 
 person of Christ appeared ineffably excellent 
 with an excellency great enough to swallow 
 up all thought and conception — which con- 
 tinued, as near as I can judge, about an hour; 
 which kept me the greater part of the time in 
 a flood of tears, aud weeping aloud. I felt an 
 ardency of soul to be, what I knew not other- 
 wise how to express, emptied and annihilated; 
 to lie in the dust, and to be full of Christ alone; 
 to love him with a holy and pure love; to 
 trust in him; to live upon him; to serve and 
 follow him; and to be perfectly sanctified and 
 made pure, with a divine and heavenly purity. 
 
 I have, several other times, had views of 
 very much the same nature, and which have 
 had the same effects. 
 
 I have many times had a sense of the glory 
 of the third person in the Trinity, in his office 
 of Sanctifier; in his holy operations, commu- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 53 
 
 nicating divine light and life to the sonl. God, 
 in the communications of his Holy Spirit, has 
 appeared as an infinite fountain of divine 
 glory and sweetness; being full, and sufficient 
 to fill and satisfy the soul; pouring forth itself 
 in sweet communications; like the sun in its 
 glory, sweetly and pleasantly diffusing light 
 and life. And I have sometimes had an affec- 
 ting sense of the excellency of the word of 
 God, as a word of life; as the light of life; 
 a sweet, excellent, life-giving word; accom- 
 panied with a thirstiugafter that word, that it 
 might dwell richly in my heart. 
 
 Often, since I lived in this town, I have had 
 very affecting views of my own sinfulness 
 and vileness; very frequently to such a de- 
 gree, as to hold me in a kind of loud weeping, 
 sometimes for a considerable time together; 
 so that I have often been forced to shut myself 
 up. I have had a vastly greater sense of my 
 own wickedness, and the badness of m}' heart, 
 than ever I had before my conversion.* It 
 
 * Our author does not say, that he had more wicked- 
 ness and badness of heart, since his conversion, than he 
 had before; but that he had a greater 5e?zse thereof. — 
 Thus a blind man may have his garden full of noxious 
 
54 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 has often appeared to me, that if God should 
 mark iniquity ag*ainst me, I should appear the 
 very worst of all mankind ; of all that have been 
 since the beginning of the world to this time; 
 and that I should have by far the lowest place 
 in hell. When others, that have come to talk 
 with me about their soul concerns, have ex- 
 pressed the sense they have of their own 
 wickedness, by saying that it seemed to them, 
 that they were as bad as the devil himself; I 
 thought their expressions seemed exceeding 
 faint and feeble, to represent my wickedness. 
 My wickedness, as I am in myself, has long 
 appeared to me perfectly ineffable, and swal- 
 lowing up all thought and imagination; like 
 an infinite deluge, or mountains over my head. 
 I know not how to express better what my 
 
 weeds; and yet not see or be sensible of them. But should 
 the garden be in great part cleared of these, and fur- 
 nished with many beautiful and salutary plants; and 
 supposing the owner now to have the power of discri- 
 minating objects of sight; in this case, he would have 
 less, but would see, and have a sense of more. To which 
 may be added, that the better the organ, and clearer the 
 light may be, the stronger will be the sense excited by 
 sin or holiness. 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 65 
 
 sins appear to me to be, than by heaping in- 
 finite upon infinite, and multiplying infinite by 
 infinite. Very often, for these many years, 
 these expressions are in my mind, and in my 
 mouth, *' Infinite upon infinite — Infinite upon 
 infinite!'^ When I look into my heart, and 
 take a view of my wickedness, it looks like 
 an abyss infinitely deeper than hell. And it 
 appears to me, that were it not for free grace, 
 exalted and raised up to the infinite height of 
 all the fulness and glory of the great Jehovah, 
 and the arm of his power and grace stretched 
 forth in all the majesty of his power, and in 
 all the glory of his sovereignty, I should ap- 
 pear sunk down in my sins, below hell itself; 
 far beyond the sight of every thing, but the 
 eye of sovereign grace, that can pierce even 
 down to such a depth. And yet it seems to 
 me, that my conviction of sin is exceeding 
 small and faint; it is enough to amaze me, 
 that I have no more sense of my sin. I know 
 certainly, that I have very little sense of my 
 sinfulness. When I have had turns of weep- 
 ing for my sins, I thought I knew at the time, 
 that my repentance was nothing to my sin. 
 
 I have greatly longed of late for a broken 
 heart, and to lie low before God; and, when 
 
56 AN EXPERBIENTAL TRACT. 
 
 I ask for humility, I cannot bear the thoughts 
 of being no more humble than other Christians. 
 It seems to me, that though their degrees of 
 humility may be suitable for them, yet it would 
 be a vile self-exaltation in me, not to be the 
 lowest in humility of all mankind. Others 
 speak of their longing to be '' humbled in the 
 dust;" that may be a proper expression for 
 them, but I always think of myself, that I 
 ought, and it is an expression that has long 
 been natural for me to use in prayer, '* to he 
 infinitely low before God." And it is affecting 
 to think, how ignorant I was, when a young 
 Christian, of the bottomless, infinite depths of 
 wickedness, pride, hypocrisy and deceit, left 
 in my heart. 
 
 I have a much greater sense of my univer- 
 sal, exceeding dependence on God's grace and 
 strength, and mere good pleasure, of late, 
 than I used formerly to have; and have ex- 
 perienced more of an abhorrence of my own 
 righteousness. The very thought of any joy 
 arising in me, on any consideration of my own 
 amiableness, performances, or experiences, or 
 or any goodness of heart or life, is nauseous 
 and detestable to me. And yet I am greatly 
 afflicted with a proud and self-righteous spi- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 5T 
 
 rit, much more sensibly than I used to be 
 formerly. I see that serpent rising and put- 
 ting forth its head continually, everywhere all 
 around me. 
 
 Though it seems to me, that, in some re- 
 spects, I was a far better Christian, for two or 
 three years after my first conversion, than I 
 am now; and lived in a more constant delight 
 and pleasure; yet of late years, I have had a 
 more full and constant sense of the absolute 
 sovereignity of God, and a delight in that so- 
 vereignty; and have had more of a sense of the 
 glory of Christ, as a Mediator revealed in the 
 gospel. On one Saturday night, in particular 
 I had such a discovery of the excellency of 
 the gospel above all other doctrines, that I 
 could not but say to myself, '* This is my cho- 
 sen light, my chosen doctrine;" and of Christ, 
 *^ This is my chosen Prophet." It appeared 
 sweet, beyond all expression, to follow Christ, 
 and to be taught and enlightened and instruct- 
 ed by him; to learn of him, and live to him. — 
 Another Saturday night {Jammry, 1739) I had 
 such a sense, how sweet and blessed a thing 
 it was to walk in the way of duty; to do that 
 which was right and meet to be done, and agree- 
 able to the holy mind of God ; that it caused 
 
58 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 me to break forth into a kind of loud weeping 
 which held me some time, so that I was forced 
 to shut myself up, and fasten the doors. I 
 could not but, as it were, cry out, *' How hap- 
 py are they which do that which is right in 
 the sight of God! They are blessed indeed, 
 they are the happy ones!" I had, at the same 
 time, a very affecting sense, how meet and 
 suitable it was that God should govern the 
 world, and order all things according to his 
 own pleasure; and I rejoiced in it, that God 
 reigned, and that his will was done. 
 , — ^pt 
 
 When I was through reading the foregoing 
 narrative, I came to the following conclusion: 
 / avi either an unconverted man^ or 1 have not 
 attained to the heights and depths, lengths and 
 breadths of piety and spirituality , to ivhich Mr, 
 Edwards attained; and, in either event, 1 must 
 and will bestir myself, and attend to it from this 
 moment. The good brother's favorite tract was 
 not found, but the one which the Lord design- 
 ed for me had done its work. I formed the re- 
 solution above-mentioned, with more strength 
 than usual; and felt that I had some assist- 
 ance in its formation. And with it, also, came 
 
 1 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 59 
 
 a spirit of prayer, and some tenderness of 
 heart and contrition of spirit. Before this my 
 heart was hard as a stone, as dead and as 
 cold. 
 
 Lest some of the family should speak to 
 me, and in order to strengthen my soul in its 
 resolution, I retired to the grove, and prostra- 
 ted myself before God in prayer. Upon my 
 face in the dust I covenanted with God, that 
 by his help I would become a converted man, 
 if I was not already such; and if the investi- 
 gation proved that I was a true believer in 
 Jesus, I would strive to attain to the full as- 
 surance of faith, hope and love, so that I 
 should not forever be tossed to and fro, and 
 driven by every thing that crossed my path- 
 way. I had some freedom in prayer, and 
 some faith in God that the matter would ter- 
 minate one way or the other, soon. I cove- 
 nanted also, that I would receive comfort from 
 no human source. I returned to the house; 
 read the Word of God, conversed some with 
 the family, and after praj^er retired to my 
 room with my mind greatly excited, and pray- 
 ed often during the night. 
 
 Next morning, I felt grateful that God had 
 
60 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 not cut me off in such a state of doubt and 
 uncertainty in regard to my spiritual condi- 
 tion. I betook myself to the grove, and re- 
 mained there the most of the time till the 
 hour to go to the house of God. Preaching 
 under certain circumstances has often been a 
 great cross, but I do not remember it to have 
 ever been as heavy before. I will leave the 
 reader to imagine my feelings in attempting 
 to preach in such a state of mind. After ser- 
 vices, I went home, strengthened in my reso- 
 lution to carry out the pledges I had so sol- 
 emnly made to my God and Saviour Jesus 
 Christ. I went into a secret place that I had 
 fixed upon as my place for evening prayer; 
 and there, with the best heart that God was 
 pleased to give me, I poured it out before the 
 mercy seat of the Great King. But no relief 
 came, after much time being spent in that 
 solemn manner. Next da}^, early in the morn- 
 ing, I selected a place in the grove for prayer 
 and meditation, and offered up my morning 
 sacrifice; but no answer came. At noon, the 
 same place was resorted to, with the same 
 poor success. At night, I went to the other 
 consecrated spot, but no response came from 
 the mercy seat. 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 61 
 
 In addition to these set hours, morning, 
 noon and night, for prayer, I often added 
 other hours and moments, according to the 
 anxiety I felt, and the opportunities I had 
 from my pressing worldly engagements. The 
 New Testament and Psalms I generally carried 
 with me at my times of retirement. In that 
 book I always read some portions before and 
 after prayer, which I thought were most ap- 
 plicable to my case. The result of all these 
 efforts in secret, was an increase of anxiety 
 upon the subject of my souPs salvation. I 
 obtained no relief from them. My fears of 
 being in a deceived and unconverted state in- 
 creased daily. The holiness and purity of 
 God, and the rigid demands of his law were 
 revealed to my mind, as well as my depraved 
 nature, my sinful and vile heart. Such views 
 disheartened me greatly. But what should I 
 do? Look in whatever direction I might, I 
 was always shut up to one inflexible conclu* 
 sion — 1 must he reconciled to that God of infinite 
 holiness. But how was it to be done? was the 
 perplexing question. True; I knew what the 
 scriptures said on the subject; I believed it to 
 some extent, and had taught it to others; but 
 6 
 
62 Ai^ EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 to understand it, see it, believe it, experience 
 it, and have it written and engraven on my 
 heart, so as to know it, and settle the ques- 
 tion as to my acceptance with God, beyond 
 all doubt, was what I prayed for and sought. 
 Nothing less than this, was I humbly bent on 
 obtaining. 
 
 Saturdays and Sundays were days I always 
 dreaded. My reluctance to preach increased 
 every week — every day, I may add. My re* 
 luctance to preach increased in proportion to 
 the increase of my doubts and fears. But I 
 resolved to preach, if^for no other reason than 
 to keep my condition from the public. When 
 Sunday night came, and my imperfect labors 
 were ended, I felt relieved of a burden of anx- 
 iety that had preyed upon my soul, in a tell- 
 ing manner, during all the services. My anx- 
 iety to know what to say to the people before 
 I began, my concern as to its effects upon 
 them, and the ever-abiding concern for my 
 own soul, were efforts of mind quite trying 
 upon my nervous system. After my Sabbath 
 night's secret prayer, and I had retired to 
 rest, my soul was so wrought upon with 
 shame and mortification, at my efforts in 
 
I 
 
 THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 63 
 
 preaching", and at my doubtful and uncertain 
 condition before God, that rest and sleep de- 
 parted from me. Monday was a day of lan- 
 gour, dullness and lassitude of body and mind 
 — a day of reproaches, settled gloom and hor- 
 rid melancholy. 
 
 About the middle of April, 1851, a minister- 
 ing brother opened a correspondence with me 
 on the subject of going with him to the Sou- 
 thern Triennial Convention, to meet in Nash- 
 ville, Tennessee, in May following. He be- 
 lieved it in my power to go, and, therefore, 
 urged it as duty. In my first reply I evaded 
 his reasons for my going, for I disliked com- 
 pany of any kind, and gave such excuses as 
 my conscience would allow, for it was very 
 tender. But my excuses were not satisfac- 
 tory, and I was compelled to open my mind to 
 him, to a great extent, before he would be 
 satisfied. This I reluctantly did in a letter 
 under date of April 22nd, 1851. As an extract 
 from this letter will give the reader a better 
 idea of my state of mind at that time than I 
 possibly can at this date, I will give it, 
 though not written with the least expectation 
 that it would ever be published, or even be 
 
64 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 seen by any other person. After giving some 
 reasons of a worldly nature, I approached the 
 real cause, and said: 
 
 *' You complain much of my not writing 
 oftener. If you knew my state of mind, I know 
 you would not blame me. I have had but 
 little inclination to write on any subject for a 
 good while past. The little I have to write 
 that would interest you, I could soon write, 
 and indeed have written it; but the subject 
 upon which my heart dwells mostly, I fear 
 would not interest you, or you might think I 
 was foolish, melancholy, and in danger of the 
 asylum. I will, however, venture to lay it 
 somewhat before you, to enlist your sympa- 
 thies; for if any man on earth needs your 
 sympathies and prayers, I am that man. Do 
 not, I beseech you, treat my case with indif- 
 ference; pour no cold water on *^ the smoking 
 flax," nor break the '^ bruised reed," but fan it 
 to a flame if possible, and bind up and support 
 the broken reed. 
 
 '* Dropping figures, I am still, as I havQ^ 
 often hinted to you, greatly troubled in spirit 
 about my spiritual condition before God. 
 Strange as it may appear to you, I greatly 
 
THE GRACE OP GOD MAGNIFIED. 65 
 
 fear, half my time, that I am not a converted 
 man. It has destroyed my energy of mind 
 very much, and has prevented me from writ- 
 ing articles for the press, and from corres- 
 ponding privately with my friends on relig- 
 ious subjects; and, on mere literary subjects, 
 I have not had sufficient interest to even 
 touch them. I have feared to mention my 
 case to any of my brethren; lest they, from 
 the good opinion they have of me, should ad- 
 vise me to stop the investigation, and by that 
 means settle me down in carnal security, and 
 I should thereby lose my soul. And further, I 
 do not believe that any one can settle that ques- 
 tion for me; the Lord alone can decide it. My 
 condition I regard as a peculiar one. I cannot 
 pray in what I consider prayer; I cannot re- 
 pent in what I regard to be repentance; I 
 cannot believe in the scriptural sense of that 
 term; I cannot love God with my whole heart, 
 as he should be loved by a rational being; I 
 cannot feel, nor do anything that a Christian 
 ought to do, to glorify God. My heart -is as 
 hard as a stone, and a tear never falls from my 
 eyes; the fountains of my soul arc dried up; 
 my soul is full of darkness and horror; and 
 
66 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 the Spirit of God seems to have forsaken me, 
 and left me to grope my way in the dark, the 
 balance of my days. * Wo is me! for lam 
 undone.^ I get no relief from any source, nor 
 in any service. 
 
 *' I am like a sick person who reads a medi- 
 cal book, when I read the bible. The sick pa- 
 tient has every disease described by medical 
 authors; so it is with me when I read the 
 Word of God. I take up that sacred volume, 
 and instead of being comforted by it, I am 
 Esau, who sold his birthright for the trifling- 
 sum of a * mess of pottage.' But that won't 
 do, for Esau ^ lifted up his voice, and wept,' 
 but I cannot weep. Then I am Saul, who had 
 * another heart' given him, but not a new hearty 
 and was * among the prophets,' and died at 
 last under the curse of God. Then again I 
 am Balaam, who felt and predicted his own 
 doom, when he said, * I shall see him, but not 
 nigh; I shall behold him, but not now.' 
 He beheld Christ at a distance, but did 
 not by faith bring him nigh, and died in un- 
 righteousness. I awfully fear that is my 
 state, and will be my doom. I then think of 
 Jehu, and immediately I am transformed into 
 Jehu. He was zealous against the house of 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 6t 
 
 Ahab, for promoting the worship of Baal, but 
 he was a devotee to Jeroboana^s calves at 
 Bethel. Jehu was zealous against one sin, 
 and in love with another. I am somewhat 
 zealous for God, but my unconverted state (as 
 I fear,) neutralizes every thing I do, and in the 
 end I fear it will be no better with me than it 
 was with the son of Nimshi. Soon again I am 
 one of Habakkuk^s men, who * sacrifice unto 
 their net, and burn incense to their drag; be- 
 cause by them their portion is fat, and their 
 meat plenteous.' I look back upon my past 
 religious life with just censure and condemna- 
 tion. I fear I have all the time sacrificed to 
 my own vile, selfish net and drag, and have 
 not had the glory of God in view, in my own 
 salvation and in the salvation of others. 
 how full of selfishness and vanity I am! I 
 then go to the New Testament, and I am the 
 * stony ground hearer;' one of the ^five foolish 
 virgins;' but one of my most alarming fears is, 
 that I am one of those who will approach the 
 Lord in that day, and say, * Lord, Lord, have 
 we not prophecied in thy name? and in thy 
 name have cast out devils? and in thy name 
 done many wonderful works?' and to whom 
 
68 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 the Lord will say, ^ I never knew you; depart 
 from me ye that work iniquity.' 
 
 *^ But I will give you no more analogies 
 between my case and cases in the Bible; space 
 will not allow, nor would your patience, (al- 
 ready, I fear, taxed too long) bear it. I fear, 
 upon the whole, that I have only the form of 
 godliness, without its energy and power. My 
 theology, religion and all, are only in my 
 head, not written and graven on my heart, by 
 the power of the Holy Spirit. I am (drawing- 
 analogies again) like Nebuchadnezzar's image, 
 in the plain of Dura: I have a golden head, 
 but my feet, miry clay, a cold, stupid image. 
 It is all I fear, the work of natural conscience, 
 and an understanding enlightened by the 
 letter of the word of God. Before a holy God, 
 I stand as a mass of moral putridity and vile- 
 ness. There is no life in my preaching, pray- 
 ing nor singing; I try to do all, but it is a 
 useless and unacceptable sacrifice. I have 
 told you of but little of what I feel. Pen, ink 
 and paper, (nor could the tongue, if I were 
 present) cannot describe my bitter anguish. 
 Now imagine a man in this condition, and as 
 hard as a rock; and you have my religious 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED, 69 
 
 state at this time. Whatever I do in the ex- 
 ercise of religious duties, is done from the 
 promptings of judgment, and not from my 
 feelings. God knows, I thought I was a con- 
 verted man, when I joined the church and en" 
 tered the christian ministry; and I have the 
 consolation of knowing that I did not intrude 
 upon his courts through impure motives; so I 
 shall remain where I am and in my work, till 
 the matter is decided. I tell no one of it, be 
 cause it would not edify, and might dishearten 
 God^s dear children. 
 
 ^'Pray forme, dear brother, until the day 
 break, and the shadows flee away." 
 
 Soon after I wrote the above, I procured 
 and read a small work entitled the almost 
 
 CHRISTIAN discovered; OR, THE FALSE PROFESSOR 
 
 TRIED AND CAST. This heart-scarching, and self- 
 righteous-killing book, had well nigh extermi- 
 nated what little hope was left me. As Job^s 
 comforters were to him, so it was to me, ^' a 
 miserable comforter indeed," It served me as 
 the watchman did the spouse in the song of 
 Solomon: it '^ smote me and wounded me; the 
 keepers of the walls took away my veil from 
 me." It showed in a variety of ways, what a 
 
70 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 man might do and say, and yet be, but almost 
 a Christian. I read it through with but little 
 intermission; and my distress of soul was in- 
 tense. Thought I, this little book was placed 
 in my hands by the providence of God to con- 
 vince me clearly that I am not a Christian — 
 only one of the almost Christians. It served 
 me worse than the *^ thieves" did the poor 
 man that was " going from Jerusalem down 
 to Jerico." They ^* stripped him, and wounded 
 him, and left him half dead;" it stripped me 
 quite clean of my self righteousness and good 
 works, exposed my nakedness of soul, and left 
 me more than *' half dead," I feared worse 
 than the unfortunate man in another respect: 
 the good Samaritan came along, bound up his 
 wounds, poured ointment into them, and took 
 him *' to an inn," gave special charge concer- 
 ning him, and had it charged to his own ac- 
 count. I had none to help me. The holiness 
 of God repulsed me when I thought of ap- 
 proaching him; his rigid law cursed me; I 
 I had lost my former dim sight of Christ and 
 his offices; the Holy Spirit had left me, and no 
 one was able to administer any comfort. 
 There were some passages in the Psalma 
 
MS GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 71 
 
 that were peculiarly applicable to me. I was 
 always reminded of them when I attempted to 
 pray. Psalm xxii. 1-2, was constantly in my 
 mind. — ^* My God, my God, why has thou for- 
 saken me? why art thou so far from helping 
 me, and from the words of my roaring? my 
 God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest 
 not; and in the night season and am not silent." 
 Why the Psalmist called his words uttered in 
 distress, ^'the words of my roaring," I cannot 
 tell; but my efforts in prayer at that time are 
 well expressed by the word roaring. My ef- 
 forts were made day and night; but I now 
 regard them to have been nothing more than 
 discordant '^ roaring," produced by deep dis- 
 tress and anguish of spirit. 
 
 At this crisis in my narrative, I received a 
 letter from my friend, Mr. H-— — , still urging 
 me to accompany him to Nashville, Tenn., to 
 the Convention. But I was less inclined to 
 go than when 1 wrote the preceding letter. 
 After giving several reasons why I could not, 
 yet withholding the main one, I replied to a 
 portion of his letter as follows: 
 
 '*I see you have on account of my letter 
 [the one just read] placed me in * Doubting 
 
72 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Castle.' Be it so; there is some comfort in 
 that, if indeed you are correct; for Christian 
 and Hoi eful succeeded ultimately in getting 
 out, and pursued their journey to Mount Zion. 
 But I have not, however, looked upon it so 
 favorably; for I often fear that I am the ''Man 
 IN THE Iron Cage," who was doomed to utter 
 despair. But I hope the Lord will soon show 
 me, in mercy and grace, who I am, and what 
 I am. If my heart deceives me not, (which 
 alas! it has often done) there is nothing I de- 
 sire more at this time. But how fleeting are 
 our convictions and desires on a subject so 
 momentous! I have often been waked up to 
 investigate my spiritual state before God, but 
 have as often fallen back again into a careless 
 state. If I were sure it was the tempter or the 
 accuser, as you suggest, I would say in the 
 strength of God, ' Get behind me, Satan.' But 
 what if it is the good Spirit, either showing me 
 my deceived state, or stirring me up to seek af- 
 ter more holiness, ^without which no man shall 
 see the Lord? I have a strong conviction 
 that itis the Spirit of the Lord at work with me. 
 '* \Ye cannot be too thorough in self-exami- 
 nation; ministers as well as private members. 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 73 
 
 Of the two, I do not know but it is easier for 
 a minister of the gospel to be deceived than a 
 private member. The minister takes it for 
 granted that he is a Christian, from the fact 
 that he Z5 a minister of the gospel of Christ; 
 Christians take it for granted that he is and so 
 do men of the world, and conduct themselves 
 towards him as such, and by these means he 
 is tempted to think well of himself, and is in 
 great danger of spiritual pride and carnal se- 
 curity. And further, he reads the word of. 
 Grod, and searches other books to find out 
 what to say to others, and, being so intent 
 upon his calling, he forgets to let them speak 
 first of all to his own heart. Now, what if he 
 were deceived, at first? Is he not in imminent 
 danger? Nay, is not his damnation almost 
 certain? I presume it will be such that will 
 say in the judgment, ' Lord, Lord, have we not 
 prophesied in thy name,' &c. May God have 
 mercy upon me, and save me from being one 
 of that number 1 for says Christ, ^ they will be 
 many.' Among the twelve, there was a Judas, 
 and when the Lord said, * that one of you shall 
 betray me,' they all honestly examined their 
 hearts and exclaimed, ' Lord, is it I?' And I 
 7 
 
"74 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 see no reason, now, why there is not an eqnal 
 proportion of graceless ministers in the world^ 
 and it is but meet that each one should inquire 
 'Is it I?' ' Search me, God, and try me!^ 
 
 '* You suggest my usefulness in the Master's 
 cause as an evidence in my favor. Bat to my 
 mind, usefulness in the ministry is not a suffi- 
 cient evidence of a minister being a converted 
 man. God is sovereign; and he may use a 
 man's gifts in bringing others to Christ, while 
 .he is a stranger himself, in heart, to the holy 
 Gospel he preaches; and he may comfort and 
 confirm others in the laith of which he is an 
 utter stranger. The efficacy and power of the 
 word of God upon the heart of the hearer, doe& 
 not depend upon the authority of him who 
 speaks it, but upon the power and authority 
 of Him who blesses it. So, others may be 
 converted and established in the faith of the 
 gospel under my preaching; and I, in the end, 
 may be * cast away.' You know the raven 
 was an unclean bird according to the statutes 
 of Moses, yet God sent it to good Elijah, at 
 the brook Cherith, with bread and flesh, good 
 and clean, morning and evening. A very lame 
 man may, with his crutch, direct you to the 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 
 
 '15 
 
 highway, and not he able to walk in it one 
 step himself. A crooked |tailor may make a 
 suit of clothes to fit a straight body, though it 
 fit not him who made it. The church (Christ's 
 garden enclosed) may be well watered through 
 a wooden pump log; the sun may give light 
 to the inmates through a dusky and dirty 
 window; and a farm may be sowed by a dirty 
 hand and produce a good crop. The above, I 
 know, is a singular combination of figures, 
 but to my mind tliey are quite suggestive. 
 
 But I must conclude. I have great confi- 
 dence in your wisdom and piety; but you can- 
 not comfort me. My case is beyond your 
 reach. For the present you must allow me to 
 sing in the minor key, till the Lord tunes my 
 heart to sing in the major.'' 
 
 Shortly after this I purchased and read 
 Boston's Fourfold State of Human Nature. 
 The ^'Almost Christian," which I had read, re- 
 vealed to me depths of hidden depravity that 
 I had but imperfectly seen; and also showed 
 me much more of my self-righteousness, vanity 
 and folly, than I had ever seen before. But 
 ^' Boston's Fourfold State," broke up and ex- 
 posed to the light of day, the deep foundations 
 
1Q AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 of sin and depravity in my soni; and the utter 
 folly of seeking justification by the deeds of 
 the law, which I was prone to do. 
 
 When I saw my depravity of heart, and 
 sinfulness of soul in the light of the scriptures, 
 I was cut off from internal reliance for help. I 
 felt like Jeremiah when he was let down into 
 the dungeon, and used his language often in 
 my distress — '' They have cut off my life in 
 the dungeon, and cast a stone upon me. Wa- 
 ters flowed over my head; then I said I am 
 cut off." The last vestige of self-righteous- 
 ness torn from me, I stood a destitute, tremb- 
 ling sinner, before a holy God. For twenty 
 years I had been looking for something to 
 commend me to a righteous God; but I now 
 saw that I was nothing more than a mass of 
 moral putridity and vileness before his infinite 
 holiness. My disappointment and mortification 
 was great, when I saw my utter helplessness 
 before an unchangeable God, and my righ- 
 teousness condemned as '' filthy rags," and 
 cursed by his holy law. I looked back upon 
 my past life with abhorrence— as a life of va- 
 nity and folly. I viewed every act that I had 
 ever done — the best of them — as having their 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. ^t 
 
 foundation in selfishness and self-aggrandize- 
 ment — the whole of it condemned by God^s 
 law. However men may have viewed my 
 acts and deportment, as favorable evidences 
 of my being a Christian; yet, when I compared 
 them with infinite holiness and immaculate 
 purity, measured them by the perfect standard 
 of justice, and weighed them in the exact 
 scales of the law, they were found to be lighter 
 than vanity, and wanting to an infinite extent. 
 My agitation of soul increased with these dis- 
 discoveries, and darkness and confusion over- 
 whelmed me. The language of Isaiah, ^' wo is 
 me! for I am undone; because I am a man of 
 unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a 
 people of unclean lips; for mine eyes have 
 seen the King, the Lord of hosts," was ring- 
 ing in my soul continually. 
 
 As I saw increasing dangei^ and necessity, 
 I betook myself to more frequent prayer. I 
 was, for weeks, almost an inhabitant of the 
 woods. My soul loathed company. My pray- 
 ers seemed utterly worthless. I soon lost all 
 confidence in them myself, abhorred them, and 
 was easily persuaded that God discarded them 
 as an abomination. Yet pray I must, if it 
 
18 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 amounted to nothing more than David's ^'roar- 
 ings.'' And also, the plaintive language of 
 Job, I made my own: 'Tor my sighing cometh 
 before I eat, and my roarings are poured out 
 like waters." What little moisture my soul 
 possessed in prayer, was now ''turned into the 
 drought of summer;" and "my bones had 
 waxed old through my roaring all the day 
 long." 
 
 Having lost confidence in the prayers in- 
 dited by my own mind, I searched the Psalms 
 and other portions of the Bible that contained 
 prayers, bowed before God, and read them; 
 tried to enter into their meaning and spirit, 
 and make them my prayers. I concluded, if 
 my prayers were nothing more than breath — 
 — confused, discordant "roarings" — that by 
 using those indited by the Holy Spirit, there 
 might be the energy and efficacy in them that 
 I needed. But all appeared to result in nothing 
 valuable. My distress and hopelessness in- 
 creased every day. But all this I concealed 
 from my family and friends. I did not wish 
 them to know what was going on in my soul, 
 lest gossip should report it to the friends and 
 foes of Christ. 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 19 
 
 As it was God's work in my soul, one more 
 book was necessary to turn me away from 
 every other refuge, but Jesus; so that in after 
 life it might ever be my boast, in this gracious 
 work, *'I saw no man, save Jesus only." The 
 same kind Providence that placed the other 
 works in my hands, soon put into my posses- 
 sion, Flavel's Touchstone. This little volume 
 did its work immediately. I finished reading 
 it in the woods one day about two o'clock; 
 and said in the language of David, " I am cut 
 off from before thine eyes." And with Jere- 
 miah, ''My streugth and my hope is perished 
 from the Lord." I had now solved the diffi- 
 cult problem: 1 am not a converted man; 1 am 
 not a Christian. I was dumb with horror. My 
 heart was as hard as a rock; no prayer now 
 escaped from my lips; no tears fell from my 
 eyes. 
 
 After having been a member of the Church 
 of Christ for twenty years, and a minister of 
 the gospel for eighteen, to come to the conclu- 
 sion, without one ray of light or gleam of 
 hope, that one never was converted, produces 
 feelings which neither tongue nor pen can 
 adequately describe. I never had spent and 
 
80 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 hope I never shall spend such another after- 
 noon. David^s language is not too strong for 
 the feelings I then experienced. *'The sor- 
 sows of death compassed me, and the pains of 
 hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and 
 sorrow.'^ And like Jeremiah, I was '' filled 
 with bitterness, and made drunken with 
 wormwood." 
 
 It now became necessary that I should de- 
 cide upon my future course. Shall I continue 
 to preach? was the first question for me to 
 decide. Suggestions like the following were 
 made to my mind: ''Ought you to preach, 
 knowing you are an unconverted man? Should 
 you not go to your church, surrender your au- 
 thority, and quit preaching, till you are con- 
 verted? No man should preach unless he 
 is converted and called; and you are neither 
 converted, nor called to the work of the min- 
 istry." These were perplexing questions, and 
 I responded to them as follows: That I should 
 preach on, to the best of my ability, as though 
 nothing had happened, and seek the salvation 
 of my soul. God was my witness that I was 
 no hypocrite; neither in my profession of 
 faith, nor in preaching the gospel of Christ, 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 
 
 freely. That I was deceived, I then firmly be- 
 lieved; but the Adversary never could make 
 any impression on my mind by accusing me 
 of hypocrisy. Besides, thought I, if I lay 
 down my ministry, the church will call on me 
 for a reason, and that will reveal the whole 
 matter to the world; I shall wound the cause 
 of God, and dishearten his people. It was a 
 good thing, I concluded, to preach the gospel, 
 as I had commenced it in good faith, if I did 
 know nothing of Christ experimentally, and 
 I would continue to seek him with my whole 
 heart. And further, I concluded as I had 
 commenced preaching, in good faith to my 
 Master, it would make my case no worse if I 
 should continue it. 
 
 The same reasoning I applied to my con- 
 nexion with the Church of Christ. I had no 
 temptation, from the beginning of my late 
 struggle up to this time, to cease my efforts 
 and return to the world. Sin to me was ex- 
 ceedingly hateful all the time; and now in my 
 darkest hour and greatest extremity, I had 
 not even a suggestion to sin against God, and 
 abandon the idea of seeking the salvation of 
 my soul. My aim and wish was to be a 
 
82 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Christian— reconciled to, and at peace with 
 God. And I then resolved, that by the help 
 of God, I would seek the salvation of my soul 
 as long as I should live, and never make it 
 known to any one under heaven. I had a 
 great horror at being '' daubed with untem- 
 pered mortar," and of having "peace!" pro- 
 claimed to me "when there was no peace;" 
 for if God was pleased to convert me, he 
 would give me the spirituality of the New 
 Testament, and then I would be at rest, hap- 
 py and useful. In these feelings and deter- 
 minations my soul was immovably fixed. 
 
 All that afternoon I spent in reflecting upon 
 my past life. While I looked with " shame 
 and confusion of face" at my sins, vanities, 
 follies and short comings, yet I felt devout 
 gratitude to God, for not having cut me off in 
 my deceived state. It was a deep mystery 
 with me why I had been deceived so long- 
 why I had not seen before, that which was now 
 so plain to my mind. I shuddered at the idea 
 of my previous danger. I thanked God with 
 the best heart I had, that he he had spared me, 
 and had, in mercy and grace, given me to see 
 my deceived state. 
 
 1 
 
teE GRACE 0^ GOi) MAGNIFIED. 83 
 
 But what was to be done? *' Pray/' was 
 the answer. But I had prayed; had used 
 every form and posture of prayer. I had 
 prayed in the language of the Psalms, and 
 had used every prayer in the Bible in the least 
 applicable to my case, and I had nothing new 
 now to offer. I never felt so utterly helpless 
 before — completely cut off from every resource. 
 I felt the terrible energy and force of the 
 passage, ^' having no hope, and without God 
 in the world." 
 
 After dark, in this state of mind, I went to 
 the spot to which I was accustomed to resort 
 at that hour; and prostrated myself before 
 God in perfect hopelessness. I offered no 
 prayer, for I knew not what to say more than 
 I had offered before, in the most humble man- 
 ner. While in that posture, without any seem- 
 ing effort on my part, my mind recurred to 
 the life of Christ as it is written in the four 
 Evangelists. I began at Bethlehem, followed 
 the blessed Son of God through every event 
 of his life, in the order of their occurrence, 
 with more vivid distinctness than I had 
 ever beheld them before. Light broke into 
 my soul as I viewed each event, till I got to 
 
84 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 the garden of Gethsemane; when sweet and 
 tender emotions were kindled in my dormant 
 heart, as I beheld the Son of God on the cold 
 ground in deep agony for my sinful soul. But 
 when I arrived at the cross, having passed the 
 ill-treatment and condemnation of my Saviour, 
 my heart was broken to pieces in a moment, 
 in the twinkling of the eye. I gazed at that 
 bleeding One for a moment, then passed ra- 
 pidly on to the sepulchre, the resurrection, the 
 ascension from Olivet, but soon returned to 
 that delightful place, the cross. I was melted, 
 completely subdued, and broken down in con- 
 templating that spectacle. 
 
 *' 0, never till my latest breath. 
 
 Shall I forget that look; 
 It seemed to charge me with his death, 
 
 Though not a word he spoke. 
 
 My conscience felt and owned the guilt; 
 
 It plunged me in despair; 
 I saw my sins his blood had spilt. 
 
 And helped to nail him there. 
 
 A second look he gave, which said, 
 
 * I freely all forgive; 
 This blood is for thy ransom paid; 
 I die that thou may'st live.' " 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 85 
 
 I had wept often before, but never did I 
 shed tears that gave my soul such relief. — - 
 Every fountain of my soul was broken up, 
 and opened, and my eyes rained showers of 
 tears, of the deepest penitence and love. Ever 
 before this, it had been painful for me to weep, 
 but now it was easy, natural and sweet. I 
 was then conquered by love and grace as I 
 had never been before. Blessed conquest! 
 Precious Conqueror! 
 
 And what was it I saw that so subdued and 
 melted my hard unbelieving heart? Jesus, 
 crucified for my sins! ''Who his ownselfbore 
 our sins in his own body on the tree; that 
 we, being dead to sins, should live unto righ- 
 teousness: by whose stripes ye are healed." 
 I beheld Him as my Surety, satisfying' the 
 claims of the holy law of God which were 
 against me, by suffering death in my stead; 
 meeting every claim of justice against me, as 
 though I was answering to them in my own 
 person: all this for me, a poor, guilty, vile 
 sinner who deserved '' everlasting destruction 
 from the presence of the Lord, and from the 
 glory of his power." I had never seen be- 
 fore how hateful sin was to Divine Holiness. 
 8 
 
86 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Jehovah spared not his own Son, when found 
 'Mn fashion as a man" — man's surety. The 
 thought that my sins had cost the Son of God 
 so much pain, added to my poignant grief. 
 
 The vicariousness of Christ's sufferings was 
 clear to my mind. I saw that they were per- 
 fectly satisfactory to every claim which the 
 moral government of God held against me. 
 God, the Father, looked down from heaven up- 
 on his crucified Son, '^ well pleased " with his 
 offering for sin. Like the bitten Israelite, 
 I looked up to him on the cross as my 
 atoning sacrifice; and we met in Christ and 
 were reconciled, and became one in the 
 blessed Daysman. By faith I beheld '^ Christ 
 Jesus; who, of God, was made unto me wis- 
 dom, and righteousness and sanctifijation and 
 redemption." Condemnation and guilt left me 
 instantaneously, and I felt the power, and un- 
 derstood clearly the Bible doctrine of justifi- 
 cation by faith, '' without the deeds of the 
 law." The doctrine of works and selfrigh- 
 teousness, as a ground of acceptance with 
 God, was forever banished from my mind. My 
 soul trusted on Christ, without fear, for salva- 
 tion, and I was happy! happy!! happy!!! 
 For hours I wept, praised and thanked God, 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 81 
 
 the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the great 
 grace conferred on me. The Father I thanked 
 and devoutly praised for devising the scheme 
 of salvation, by which I was justified; the Son 
 for executing it; and the Holy Spirit for ap- 
 plying it with power to my soul, and for re- 
 vealing it with such vivid distinctness to 
 my mind. As Peter on the " Holy Mount" 
 when the glory of God overshadowed him, 
 was surrounded by such holy company, and 
 heard the voice of God from '' the excellent 
 glory," so I felt that ^'it was good to be there." 
 And like the astonished and overwhelmed 
 Jacob, I concluded, ^' Surely the Lord is in 
 this place; and I knew it not. This is none 
 other but the house of God, and this is the 
 gate of heaven." 
 
 But the reader is anxious to know whether 
 I had been deceived or not, up to that time. I 
 had not. I was then confirmed in my former 
 faith and hope, and was perfected in love. 
 Perfect love had cast out all the previous fear 
 that had given me so much torment. I plainly 
 saw that m}'' views of justification by faith in 
 Christ alone, without the deeds of the law or 
 good works, had been confused and indistinct, 
 
88 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 during all my religious life, up to that time. 
 My mind never had scrip turally and fully 
 grasped that comforting and soul-strengthen- 
 ing doctrine. Nor had I clearly apprehended 
 the doctrine of atonement, as it is taught in 
 the Bible. I knew pretty well what theologi- 
 cal writers had said about it: but their teach- 
 ings did not satisfy the pressing wants of my 
 soul. ''My soul desired the first ripe fruit." 
 I had only seen Jesus, my surety, '' through a 
 glass darkly," satisfying the claims of the Di- 
 vine Government against me; but I had not 
 seen, till then, that He had satisfied every 
 claim that law and justice held against me, 
 and suffered for my sins in His own body, as 
 though I had done it in my ov/n person, and 
 that the Father was as well satisfied with me, 
 after I had believed in his Son, as though I 
 had suffered the penalty'^of law and justice 
 myself. This appeared to my mind then, and 
 does still appear, to be the chief glory and 
 perfection of the ever blessed gospel. 
 
 Likewise the soul-satisfying doctrinevof im- 
 putation I had never viewed clearly. A per- 
 fect righteousness I saw, the law of God 
 demanded; I had it not; and how ChrisVs 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 89 
 
 active and passive righteousDess was to avail 
 for me, and meet all the demands of the law 
 against me, I could not distinctly see. I had 
 read how it was to be done in theological 
 books — had heard of it often in sermons — have 
 preached it to others as far as I understood it 
 from the teachings of the Bible; but the ob- 
 scurity of the subject to my mind, was such 
 that it did not comfort my own soul. I saw 
 that I must have a perfect righteousness to 
 *^ stand without fault before the throne of God" 
 — to meet the requirements of that holy law 
 by which I was to be judged. I had it not; 
 and how I was to be received and acquitted 
 in the name and for the sake of Christ, and 
 how his work and righteousness were to be 
 considered mine, were doctrines and ideas 
 that my mind had never sufficiently grasped, 
 to bring abiding peace and comfort to my 
 soul. But I now saw myself '^complete in Him 
 who is the head of all principality and power;'' 
 and as abiding in Christ by faith: Christ in 
 me, the Father in Christ, and the Holy Spirit 
 my sanctifier, were thus ''made perfect in 
 one." Being in Christ by faith, the Father 
 had no more claims on me, in a legal point of 
 
90 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 view, than be bad against bis Son; all the 
 *' band writing against me/' and all tbe claims 
 of justice, ''were blotted out," and satisfied 
 on Calvary. The passage, *' there is, there- 
 fore now, no condemnation to them which are 
 in Christ Jesus," came with great power and 
 comfort to my heart. I believed' it, and felt it. 
 
 I received no new revelation; only the glo- 
 rious facts and truths of the gospel, indistinct- 
 ly seen before, by a weak and wavering faith, 
 were then by the sovereign grace and power 
 of the Holy Spirit clearly revealed, written, en- 
 graved and stereotyped on my heart, by the 
 blood of the Covenant. The Divine Spirit was 
 graciously pleased to make them so plain, that 
 I see them now, with the same clearness that I 
 did on that never-to-be-forgotten night. But 
 to return to my narrative. 
 
 Feelings consequent upon such views, as 
 those above related, are indiscribable; yet one 
 will attempt it, and do the best he can. Quaint 
 old divines used to say, "The Lord has no 
 dumb children;" and I am such a debtor to 
 grace, that I am constrained to magnify it. 
 How long I remained at that Bethel and wept, 
 thanked, prayed and praised, and talked to 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 91 
 
 my Lord, I cannot tell; I never felt so near to 
 God before. I could say without doubt, '' My 
 beloved is mine and I am his." '' He brought 
 me to the banqueting house, and his banner 
 over me was love.'^ " His left hand is under 
 my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.'' 
 In Christ I could speak to Jehovah 'Tace to 
 face, as a man speaketh to his friend." He 
 had come near to me in His Son. I believed 
 and loved with my whole heart. I had no 
 fear at all; perfect love had cast out all fear 
 from my soul. My anxious and perturbed 
 spirit was calm; it had found a resting place 
 at last, at the cross. All nature around and 
 above me praised God; and my soul was in 
 sweet harmony with nature. Christ had res- 
 tored me, whole, to m}^ Father's house; and I 
 was united in him to the pure and holy family 
 of heaven, and they received me as a brother 
 and rejoiced over me. 
 
 I returned to my house at some hour in the 
 night, and found every #thing quiet, and in the 
 stillness of sleep; I retired to rest without 
 awaking them. This I did purposely; for as 
 yet I did not wish to make the matter known 
 to any one. And, had I been enquired of, why 
 
92 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 I was up SO late, I could Dot have concealed 
 it. Next morning, the natural sun in the hea- 
 vens above, and the '' Sun of Kighteousness'' 
 in my soul, made a bright day. The Holy 
 Spirit was also in my heart, taking of the 
 precious things of Christ and showing them to 
 me. Thus passed three or four days in great 
 comfort and peace. 
 
 Strange to tell, after this gracious manifes- 
 tation, •' a horror of great darkness^' fell upon 
 me, the fifth day. I now see the work was 
 not completed; and as my blessed Lord had 
 begun it, he was determined to complete it in 
 his own time, and in his own way. Blessed 
 be his holy name! 
 
 As stated in the foregoing account, the 
 scriptural views I had of Christ, were from his 
 birth to his ascension; and my mind soon left 
 Olivet and returned to Calvary, to look on 
 that lovely One whom I had pierced, to love, 
 adore and praise. All was clear as far as the 
 Ascension. To complete my peace and hap- 
 piness, my soul needed clearer views of the 
 Mediation of Christ — of him as an High Priest 
 in the heaven of heavens for me. The sacri- 
 fice on Calvary, seen by faith, had satisfied 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 93 
 
 my soul as to the '' One offering," '^ the one 
 sacrifice for sins," to satisfy the rigid demands 
 of law and justice against me on earth; but 
 such was my natural and moral impurity, that 
 I needed one to plead my cause continually at 
 the right hand of a holy God. Satisfied with 
 the precious view the Holy Spirit was pleased 
 to give me of the perfect work of Christ on 
 earth, I could not see how that sacrifice of- 
 fered on earth, could avail for me continually 
 in heaven. At least, that matter was so ob- 
 scurely understood, that it did not afford me 
 that happiness which my soul so much desired. 
 There was a vacuum in my soul that needed 
 being filled, to complete the good work begun. 
 From Bethlehem to Olivet — from the Birth to 
 the Ascension, I saw and understood the work, 
 and was happy. But how is it beyond Olivet? 
 Thai was the question I wished solved. 
 
 But it pleased God to cut this work short: 
 it only lasted one day. During that day of 
 conflict, I read much in the epistle to the He- 
 brews, about the High Priesthood of Jesus; 
 and indeed, in every part of the word of God 
 where his High Priesthood and glorious medi- 
 ation were treated of by the inspired writers. 
 
94 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 In reading the Epistle to the Hebrews, I was 
 naturally led by the writer to look at x\aron 
 and his office as high priest over Israel, as a 
 striking type of Christ and his Priesthood over 
 his Church. The letter of the analogy institu- 
 ted by Paul, between the high priesthood of 
 Aaron and that of Christ, my mind apprehend- 
 ed; but how ChrisVs mediation continually 
 and fully met my wants, and gave me free 
 access to an infinitely holj' God, were subjects 
 *'too high for me" to comprehend sufficiently 
 to make me believe them with my whole heart. 
 The awful majesty of a just and holy God in 
 heaven contrasted with me upon earth, com- 
 passed about with infirmity and sin, alarmed 
 me greatly. I gloried in the sacrifice on Cal- 
 vary; but does Calvary avail for me now? for 
 sins committed every day? Does it give me 
 freedom of speech with Jehovah? Does that 
 holy Jehovah love me now? every moment? 
 These were questions that deeply affected and 
 greatly perplexed me. 
 
 With these and other unsolved difficulties, I 
 went again to my Bethel; where I had seen 
 the Lord on the cross, and beheld his resur, 
 rection, and had gazed at his ascension from 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 95 
 
 Mount Olivet in a cloud. I prostrated myself 
 before the mercy seat of the Great King, and 
 was enabled by the Spirit to give up the solu- 
 tion of all my difficulties to Him whose right 
 it is to clear up all mysteries, necessary to be 
 known for the good of my soul. No sooner 
 had I done this, than my mind recurred to the 
 place of Chrfst's ascension, where I left off 
 viewing Him before, to return to the cross to 
 see that bleeding victim. 
 
 Here again I had no new revelation; I only 
 saw things as they were revealed in the Scrip- 
 tures by a strong faith, through the light of 
 the Holy Spirit. I gazed at him as he ascend- 
 ed after his victory on Calvary, with his glo- 
 rious attendants, and heard some of them 
 boast of their number: ''The chariots of God 
 are twenty thousand, even thousands of angels ; 
 tho Lord is among them, as in Sinai, in the 
 holy place.'' Others responded, '' God is gone 
 up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a 
 trumpet. Sing praises to God, sing praises: 
 sing praises to our King, sing praises. Thou 
 hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity 
 captive.'' Onward moved the stately proces- 
 sion of the Licarnate God, till it arrived at the 
 
96 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT, 
 
 gates of the heaven of heavens, and the attend* 
 ant angels demanded, '' Lift up your heads, 
 ye gates; and be ye lifted up ye everlasting 
 doors; and the King of glory shall come in." 
 Those within, as though they were astonished 
 at such a summons, demanded, ^'Who is this 
 King of glory?" To which his messengers 
 responded more peremptorily, '^ Lift up your 
 heads, ye gates; even lift them up ye ever- 
 lasting doors; and the King of glory shall 
 come in." The porters within again demanded, 
 "Who is this King of glory?" To which one 
 universal response is given : ''The Lord, strong 
 and mighty; the Lord mighty in battle! the 
 Lord of hosts; He is the King of glorj I" 
 
 The right of the demand was recognized, 
 '' the everlasting gates were lifted up," and 
 the ^' everlasting doors" were opened, and the 
 Almighty traveller '' from Edom," and the ISl^n 
 '' with dyed garments from Bozrah," entered 
 amid the principalities and powers of heaven. 
 Presenting before the throne of the Father, all 
 the evidences of a '' finished" redemption on 
 earth; the Father inaugurated Him King of 
 kings and Lord of lords, thus: 
 
I'HE GRACE Ot GOD MAGNIt'IED. 9t 
 
 *'Iwill declare the decree: Thou art my 
 Son; this day have I begotteu thee. Sit thou 
 on my right hand, until I make thine enemies 
 thy footstool. And let all the angels of God 
 worship him. The Lord shall send the rod of 
 thy strength out of Zion: rule thou in the 
 midst of thine enemies. Thy people shall be 
 willing in the day of thy power. Ask of me, 
 and I shall give thee the heathen for thine in- 
 heritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth 
 for thy possession. The Lord at thy right 
 hand shall strike through kings in the day of 
 his wrath. The Lord hath sworn, and will 
 not repent: Thou art a priest for ever, after 
 the order of Melchisedeck. Thy throne, 
 God, is forever and ever: a sceptre of righte- 
 ousness is the sceptre of thy kingdom. Thou 
 hast loved righteousness, and hated iniquity; 
 therefore God, even thy God, hath anointed 
 thee with the oil of gladness above thy fellows. 
 And, thou. Lord, in the beginning, hast laid 
 the foundation of the earth: and the heavens 
 are the works of thine hands. They shall 
 perish but thou remainest: and they shall wax 
 old as doth a garment; and as a vesture shalt 
 9 
 
98 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 thou fold them up, and they shall be changed: 
 but thou art the same, and thy years shall 
 not fail." 
 
 My soul, by faith, was in that joyful assem- 
 bly, celebrating the coronation of my Lord and 
 King. I felt that He was worthy of all the 
 honors conferred upon him, on that joyful and 
 thrilling occasion; and I was inexpressibly 
 happy. I participated in all their joys; and 
 bowed in spirit with that immense throng of 
 redeemed and angelic spirits, and at the con- 
 clusion of the Father's inaugural, united with 
 them most joyfully, in saying with a loud 
 voice, *' Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, 
 to receive pov/er, and riches, and wisdom, and 
 strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing. 
 Blessing, and honor, and glory, and power, be 
 unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and un- 
 to the Lamb forever and ever." 
 
 But the Lord was pleased to give me still 
 another view of this glorious subject; which 
 bad respect to the High Priesthood of the Re- 
 deemer. I viewed him not only as '' head 
 over all things to the Church;" but as High 
 Priest of the ''new and everlasting covenant'^ 
 ** a priest forever after the order of Melchies- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 99 
 
 deck;" so made b}^ the oath of Jehovah, ^' sit 
 on the right hand of the Majesty in heavens/^ 
 *' a minister of the sanctuary, and of the true 
 tabernacle, which the Lord pitched and not 
 man." As Aaron went into the '^ most holy 
 place," once a year, as high priest of the Old 
 Covenant, with the blood of beasts and holy 
 incense, to make atonement for the sins of 
 Israel, and to '^ appear in the presence of God" 
 for them; so did Jesus, the High Priest and 
 Mediator of the New Covenant, appear in the 
 presence of God for us, and " offered himself 
 without spot to God" for the sins of his people. 
 He had, on earth — on Calvary — offered himself 
 a sacrifice for sin as Priest; and when he as- 
 cended and '' passed into the heavens," he ap- 
 peared in the presence of God for his people, 
 with all the marks and evidences of his cruci- 
 fixion on earth, as our great High Priest; and 
 by ''the one offering of himself" before the 
 Divine Throne, before all the principalities 
 and powers of Heaven, ''hath forever perfected 
 them that are sanctified." 
 
 Thus my faith rested upon his sacrifice for 
 sin in the " outer court" on earth; it rose with 
 him from the tomb; ascended with him to hea- 
 
100 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 ven; passed into it; beheld, and participated 
 in his coronation services, as King of saints 
 and Lord of angels; passed within the vail, 
 anchored on Him as High Priest, ever living 
 to make intercession for me according to the 
 will of God. My soul held him fast as the 
 High Priest that was needed, holy, harmless, 
 undefiled, separate from sinners, and made 
 higher than the heavens. 
 
 Thus I found the way to that holy God, 
 whose infinite purity had so long repulsed me. 
 It was through the person, blood and righte- 
 ousness of Jesus the Messiah. I couldapproach 
 Jehovah now, without fear, through that ^'new 
 made way,'^ the crucified, risen, accepted, 
 reigning and interceding Prince and Saviour. 
 I had one betwixt me and that ''Holy One of 
 Israel," '' touched with the feeling of my infir- 
 mity," who could ''lay his hand upon us both," 
 thereby " making peace" — who had died for 
 me, bearing my sins in his own body, and was 
 ever before the divine throne, pleading my 
 cause. '' He ever liveth to make intercession." 
 
 My way into the "most holy place" being 
 now laid open, I was filled with such ecstatic 
 joy that I could not hold my peace. I praised 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1 
 
 God aloud. My '^ wilderness and solitary Be- 
 thel was made glad," and was again to me the 
 house of God, and the gate of heaven. The 
 moon and stars helped me to praise God, and 
 to break the stillness of night. So transported 
 was I, that I wished to leave the earth; and 
 like Peter on Mount Tabor, I was dazzled, be- 
 wildered and overpowered with the glory of 
 God at the transfiguration, ''not knowing 
 what I said." I was so intemperate in my 
 wishes as to ask God to take me, then At 
 that moment the summons to appear in the 
 court of my Eedeemer and King, would have 
 been the most joyful news that ever saluted 
 my ears. '' My heart and my flesh cried out'' 
 for it. But the address of the angel of the 
 Covenant to Daniel, '' Go thou thy way till 
 the end be; for thou shalt rest, and stand in 
 thy lot at the end of the days," came with 
 power into my, mind, and reproved my rash 
 desire and request. 
 
 My last difficulty was then and there re- 
 moved; and I returned home at a late hour, 
 happy in the Lord, without a doubt or a fear 
 in my soul. I both laid me dowi> in peace and 
 
102 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 slept. I awoke early, and what a siglit! The 
 heavens declared the glory of God, and the 
 firmament showed his handy work. The day 
 uttered its speech, in praise of him who said, 
 '' Let there be light !^^ All nature lifted up its 
 hands and voice on high, in adoration and 
 praise. The deep lifted up its harmonious 
 tones. I went out with joy and was led forth 
 with peace: the mountains and hills broke 
 forth into singing, and all the trees of the field 
 clapped their hands. Instead of the thorn 
 came up the fir tree, and instead of the brier 
 came up the myrtle tree. And the sun in mid- 
 heaven shone no brighter than did the '' Sun 
 of Righteousness" in my soul. ^' For the glory 
 of God did brighten it, and the Lamb was the 
 light thereof." 
 
 For several days I continued in this state of 
 mind; weeping, praising and adoring. I was 
 as little inclined to make it public as I had 
 ever been. I feared it might not last, and 
 that I would again relapse into darkness and 
 doubts. Like the man in the parable, I hid 
 the treasure for a short time. But I felt it to 
 be my duty to make knov/n the gracious de- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 103 
 
 liverance to the brother with whom I had cor- 
 responded in such a despairing manner. This 
 I did as follows: 
 
 ''My dear brother: I am glad I did not go 
 to the Convention with you; for my mind 
 might have been diverted from an investiga- 
 tion that has deeply enlisted my feelings for 
 years. It has lately shaken my soul to its 
 centre; about which I have given you some 
 intimations, by letter and in conversation. But 
 I am now entirely relieved and perfectly sa- 
 tisfied. God, for the sake of his dear Son, 
 has had mercy upon me, and has enabled me 
 to triumph over all my enemies. He first led 
 me to the Eed Sea; I was environed on every 
 side; hotly pursued by cruel, unrelenting foes; 
 I cried for help. He bade me ''stand still and 
 see the salvation of the Lord;" the rod of Di- 
 vine power was stretched out; the waters 
 parted ; I passed over safely. My enemies es- 
 saying to follow me, were overthrown, chariot, 
 horse and rider, and I saw them no more. 
 'The depths have covered them: they sank 
 into the bottom as a stone/ I am now on the 
 banks, ' singing the song of Moses, the servant 
 of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying, 
 
104 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Great and roarvelous are thy works, Lord God 
 Almighty; just and true are thy ways, thou 
 Xing of saints.' The bright side of the '' Pil- 
 lar of Cloud" was turned to me, and the dark 
 side to my enemies. My sky is now clear, the 
 sun shines brightly, without an intervening 
 cloud; my faith is strong in the Lord and in 
 the power of his might; my hope is firmly fixed 
 upon the 'Chief Corner Stone;' and my soul is 
 happy in contemplating the sacrifice, person 
 and offices of my exalted and glorified Re- 
 deemer. At last. He has brought me fully in- 
 to his banqueting house, and his banner 
 over me is love. 
 
 '' To drop figures: The Lord has been gra- 
 ciously pleased to relieve nae of all the per- 
 plexing doubts and harrassing fears as to my 
 acceptance with him, which I have so long en- 
 tertained. What tormenting guests they have 
 been! But the^^ are expelled by the power of 
 the Highest, and that ever recurring question, 
 Am la Christian! a converted man? is now sett- 
 led. I have had evidences of my being a son 
 of God since I last wrote, which it would be 
 sinful to doubt. I am now satisfied that I was 
 converted when I first joined the Church of 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 105 
 
 Christ; but ray views of the doctrine of justi- 
 fication by faith in the atoning* sacrifice and 
 righteous merits of Jesus were so imperfect 
 that I have been a large portion of my reli- 
 gious life, miserable. I have been up to this 
 time, searching for the living among the dead; 
 searching for a living, perfect righteousness in 
 in my poor, vile, contaminated soul, to com- 
 mend me to a holy God; but I had not found 
 it. What a fruitless search! I have found 
 nothing but Isaiah's 'filthy rag' righteousness. 
 But blessed be God! when I turned away from 
 self, and looked steadfastly at the cross, my 
 heart was broken; tears, sweet penitential 
 tears, flowed as they never flowed before. My 
 soul was a deep fountain of penitence, and my 
 eyes rivers of tears. It was a precious 
 Boehim, where tears and joys were sweetly 
 blended. I loved a reconciled God in the per- 
 son of Jesus, as I had never loved before. It 
 was a precious, confiding 'Abba Father' love. 
 Self, vile, obstrusive self, was renounced, and 
 I was fully satisfied with God's plan of mercy 
 and grace. I saw that the Lord Jehovah was 
 ^well pleased' with the sacrificial work of his 
 
106 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 Son, and my soul acquiesced — my faith laid 
 hold of him as Divine Trinity. 
 
 " These views that I have imperfectly des- 
 cribed, and others beyond the power of des- 
 cription which I had of the Lord Jesus — sa- 
 tisfying all the claims of the Divine govern- 
 ment against me — meeting all my wants — 
 bearing my sins in his own body upon the 
 tree — making his work and righteousness my 
 own — made me inexpressibly happy. And I 
 now stand ''by faith in this grace, and rejoice 
 in hope of the glory of God/'^ 
 
 ''I have no controversy with Jehovah. I am 
 fully satisfied with his entire plan of saving 
 mercy and grace. I am willing for the Lord 
 to be God, and to follow him. I have given 
 myself to him, without reserve, in the bonds 
 of an everlasting covenant, ordered in all 
 things and sure. ^Tis a 'covenant of salt,^ 
 it saves my soul from moral putrefaction; a 
 covenant ratified by vicarious blood, for it 
 atones for sin and cleanses from all unrigh- 
 teousness. 
 
 "Help me to praise Him; for his goodness 
 and mercy endure forever. I think of the pas- 
 
l-HE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 10 1 
 
 sage oftoD, realizingly, when I look at Jesus, 
 my sacrifice on Calvary, and my High Priest 
 in heaven: 'This is my restforever; here will I 
 dwell; for I have desired it.'" 
 
 The brother with whom I was corresponding 
 had been from the first blessed with clearer 
 views of salvation than I, and had often 
 chided me by letter and in conversation for 
 my want of faith. But when he read the 
 above, he replied in a letter full of sympathy 
 and condolence; and apologised lest he should 
 have given me pain, and congratulated me on 
 my triumph through the Saviour. To which 
 I responded in the following manner: 
 
 "As for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had 
 well nigh slipped." — Asaph, in Ps. Ixxvii. 
 
 ''My dear Brother: — I received from you, 
 this morning, just such a letter as I expected. 
 For I knew that, as soon as you understood 
 that my conflict with the 'wild beasts at Ephe- 
 sus' was a real one, you would relent and re- 
 joice with me in my victory. And such, thank 
 God, has been the result. I shed tears freely 
 in reading your kind letter. Thank the 
 Lord! for Christian fellowship and sym- 
 pathy. No Christian is promoted without fil- 
 
 ■ 
 
108 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACrr. 
 
 ling the whole family on earth with joy, if it 
 is known. And what must be their joy above 
 who see the end which God has in view in 
 such a case? For whatever glorifies God, 
 fills them with exceeding great joy and praise. 
 Glory be to God! for union with such a fami- 
 ly. The eyes of all the redeemed in heaven 
 and on earth are turned to Him, as the foun- 
 tain of all gracious influences. There we all 
 meet; and angels rejoice over the union. 
 Those are sweet passages, Tor in Him dwel- 
 leth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 
 And ye are complete in him, which is the head 
 of all principality and power.' 'For it pleased 
 the Father that in him should all fulness dwell. 
 It is safe, then, and we can draw upon it by 
 faith, and receive supplies of grace to help in 
 time of need. To grow in grace, we must go 
 to this rich depository often; for, as in the 
 case of the Isrealites, the manna of yesterday 
 will not do for to-day. We must draw upon 
 our Fountain Head. To encourage us in this, 
 Paul has given us a precious morsel: 'Hold- 
 ing the Head from which all the body by 
 joints and bonds having nourishment minis- 
 tered, and knit together, increaseth with the 
 
I 
 
 THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 109 
 
 increase of God.^ I will leave you to com- 
 ment upon, and apply this passage. 
 
 ''Do not reflect upon yourself for writing as 
 you did; I am glad of it. 'Let the righteous 
 smite me.' It was the Lord's work, and he 
 perfected it, without the aid of any one, friend 
 €r foe, I am perfectly satisfied with it; and 
 to His name bo all the praise! The Lord will 
 hear prayer, offered in the name of Jesus. I 
 have long prayed for confirmation in my hope, 
 and He has graciously granted it. I now 
 know, not from nature and the Bible alone, 
 that there is a God in Israel: but the evidence 
 is in my heart. Peter could say, 'We believe 
 and are sure, that thou art the Christ, the Son 
 of the living God.' I think I can humbly say 
 the same without lying to the Holy Spirit. — 
 Gentiles saved by grace can appeal to Jeho- 
 vah and say, 'Doubtless thou art our Father; 
 though Abraham be ignorant of us, and Israel 
 acknowledge us not.' What a precious little 
 word is Abba, to a pardoned and adopted sin- 
 ner! Boston says, it spells the same thing 
 both ways. He thinks much of that little 
 word, and fills it full of meaning. But no 
 doubt that stern, pious puritan loved the ideas 
 10 
 
110 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT, 
 
 and privileges attached to it infinitely better 
 than the mere word— loved the things freight- 
 ed to his soul more than the vehicle that con- 
 ve^^ed them. 'Abba Father!' My Father! By 
 the way, I have read that quaint old author 
 with great profit, lately. God send the Chris- 
 tian Church man}' such men! I am a seven- 
 teenth century man in my theology and feel- 
 ings. I prayed to God for Bible and old-fa- 
 shioned piety and spirituality. I wanted no 
 superficial stuff. I have but little patience 
 with, and taste for, the most of our modern 
 authors. They are too poor in thought, and 
 too shallow in piety; and of deep-toned spi- 
 rituality they seem to have none. If I am 
 wrong in this charge, God forgive me! 
 
 I have no idea of paying the Lord for what 
 he has done for my soul; but it is my prayer 
 that he should spare my life, that I may labor 
 in his vineyard, and do something towards 
 making up my lost time. I feel that after a 
 little more preparation in the woods, it will 
 soon be a pleasure to me to preach the gospel. 
 I begin to feel and see what Paul meant when 
 he said, ' I thank God that he counted me 
 faithful, putting me into the ministry.' I look 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. Ill 
 
 back upon my past life with deep regret. 
 Like penitent Ephraim, 'I bear the reproach 
 of my youth.' My experience is not unlike 
 his in Jeremiah 31: 18-20, 'I have surely 
 heard Ephraim bemoaning himself, thus; thou 
 hast chastised me, and I was chastised, as a 
 bullock uQaccustomed to the yoke; turn thou 
 me, and I shall be turned; for thou are the 
 Lord my God. Surely after that I was turn- 
 ed, I repented; and after that I was instruct- 
 ed, I smote upon my thigh: I was ashamed, 
 yea, even confounded, because I did bear the 
 reproach of my youth. Is Ephraim my dear 
 son? is he a pleasant child? for since I spake 
 against him, I do earnestly remember him 
 still; therefore my bowels are troubled for 
 him; I will have mercy upon him, saith the 
 Lord.' My life has been a life of vanity and 
 folly, but the Lord has graciously pardoned, 
 me. *'Few and evil have been my days,'' said 
 the godly Jacob; and what should be my con- 
 fession? that God may spare me; that I 
 may do something as an instrument, to pro- 
 mote his cause in the world. 
 
 *' I am anxious to see the ministers of our 
 Association, to give them a word of exhorta- 
 
112 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 tion. I hope I shall be profitable to them, 
 should the Lord spare me to see them. I feel 
 the force of the injunction, * When thou art 
 converted, strengthen thy brethren.' Alas I 
 for the want of spirituality among ministers 
 generally. ' The sword shall be upon his 
 arm, and upon his right eye: his arm shall be 
 clean dried up, and his right eye shall be 
 utterly darkened.' What a fearful doom upon 
 the 'idol shepherd!' And who is the 'idol 
 shepherd,' but the man who ' feeds himself,' 
 as saith Ezekiel? the man who feeds himself 
 with vanity and folly — who loves ease and 
 self indulgence, and the applause of men — 
 who * sacrifices to his own net, and burns in- 
 cense to his own drag.' The Lord save you 
 and me from the fearful doom of the ' brutish 
 pastors that have not sought the Lord.' How 
 can I indulge in levity, vanity and folly, as I 
 have done? God forbid! 
 
 '' You ask an interest in my prayers. Such 
 a request I cannot refuse. But I have so 
 much need for intercession in my own behalf, 
 that I can think, for the present, of but few. 
 How troublesome I have been to my merciful 
 High Priest 1 Surely he has had to intercede 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 113 
 
 for me more than any one else. If He could 
 be wearied, surely I have wearied Him* But 
 He is full of grace I grace!! grace 11! I v/ill 
 not forget you, however. I have felt a spirit 
 of prayer lately, for ministers of the gospel. I 
 hope the Lord will enlarge my desires for them, 
 for the Church of Christ, and for the world. 
 
 " I would like to see you, that we might 
 benefit each other more than we have ever 
 done. I fear I have been in the way of your 
 religious progress, by my want of spirituality. 
 Pardon me, I beseech you. I have great rea- 
 son to be humbled in the dust. 
 
 ^* And now, dear brother, let us covenant 
 together to be more faithful to God, more 
 heavenly minded and pious. It is the lock of 
 our strength as ministers; take that away and 
 we ^ shall become weak, and be like other 
 men.' As Jehu said to Jehonadab, * Is thine 
 heart right, as my heart is with thy heart? 
 If it be, give me thine hand.' I am yours, in 
 the hope of standing ^ without fault before the 
 throne of God.' " 
 
 I still continued in this happy frame of 
 mind; and in reply to a letter from my friend, 
 
114 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 in answer to the one just read, I expressed 
 myself thus: 
 
 " Grace reigns." — Paul. 
 
 " Beloved brother in Christ — The best ncion- 
 arch that ever assembled a throne on earth, and 
 reigned over man, is Grace. And strange to 
 tell, he never reigns without having first to 
 conquer his subjects — all are rebels to him, 
 by nature. Other monarchs ascend thrones 
 hereditarily, and their subjects acquiesce; but 
 not so with our monarch, Grace. He must 
 conquer his throne and kingdom. But when 
 he conquers once, he neither abdicates, nor 
 suffers himself to be dethroned, like some 
 earthly princes. He holds on to his domin- 
 ion with an Almighty energy; the opposition he 
 meets is but mighty^ hence he is always trium- 
 phant. He quickens, renews, sanctifies, and 
 leads on his subjects in the way of peace; pre- 
 vents their final apostasy, and makes them 
 'meet for the inheritance of the saints in light.' 
 
 " I think he has seldom found (with shame 
 I write it) a more rebellious, stiff-necked, 
 sinful and ungrateful subject than I have 
 been, ever since he undertook my subjuga- 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 115 
 
 tion. But I yield. I own him conqueror. I 
 trust there never will be another rebellion in 
 my * Mansoul;' for I have found that Imman- 
 uel does not return to a backslider imme- 
 diately. 
 
 *' I would like if I had time, and I were 
 sure it would interest you, to give you a full 
 account of the dealings of God with my soul. 
 Jeremiah ever had in remembrance the worm- 
 wood and the gall. Moses never forgot Egypt, 
 nor the journey through the wilderness; but, 
 he could rehearse the dealings of God distinct- 
 ly, just before he ascended Pisgah. And, so 
 vividly is this new work of grace impressed 
 upon my soul, that neither time nor eternity 
 can efface it. * When thou art converted, 
 strengthen thy brethren.' This I will do, the 
 Spirit helping me, on all fit occasions. that 
 God would assist me to stir up his people to 
 more holy living! Alas! for the low standard 
 of holiness in the churches. Let us, with 
 God^s help, come to the perfect stature of a 
 man in Christ Jesus, that we may do some- 
 thing towards their spiritual elevation. But, 
 remember, we must get to that standard our- 
 selves, before our lever will be strong enough 
 
116 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 to raise them. So long as we are dwarfs in 
 holiness ourselves, our congregations will be 
 children in spirituality — 'babes in Christ.' 
 ^Like priest, like people' — how true the proverb. 
 ^'I am, now, forty years old; and I feel that 
 I am just preparing for the ministry. True, I 
 have prepared my intellect somewhat, but not 
 my heart. But it is like wheat, compared to 
 chaff. And the question is significantly ask- 
 ed, * What is the chaff to the wheat? saith 
 the Lord.' I have made myself * the keeper 
 of vineyards; but mine own vineyard I have 
 not kept.' Alasl what a wilderness of briers 
 and thorns which is nigh unto cursing; whose 
 end is to be burned!' I have lived a selfish 
 life — a large portion of it ' sacrificing to my 
 own net, and burning incense to my own 
 drag,' I have not had wholly, the glory of God 
 in view, and the praise of Christ before my 
 mind. The inhabitants of Jericho said to 
 Elisha, the prophet, 'Behold, we pray thee, the 
 situation of this city is pleasant, but the wa- 
 ter is naught, and the ground is barren.' — 
 This is a true picture of m}^ heart, thus far, 
 through life. How unfit I have been for a 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. lit 
 
 minister of the holy Jesus! How little like 
 Christ, who is 'a bundle of myrth.' 
 
 *' The time is short, and heart preparation 
 must be made. And * until the day break, and 
 the shadows flee away, I will get me to the 
 mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankin- 
 cense,' — Song", iv: 6. I must live in the moun- 
 tain, to obtain the sweet savor of Christ in 
 my soul. I have been sufficiently long *on the 
 mountain of leopards and in the lions' den.' — 
 I must be out, and behold the Lord from 'Shinar 
 and from Lebanon.' I must 'remember Him 
 from beyond Jordan, from Hermon and from 
 the hill Mizar.' — Ps. xlii. I have left my 
 study somewhat; and I spend a good portion 
 of my time in the woods with my Bible. I 
 find, after all, 'the secret places of the stairs' 
 are the best place to prepare for the ministry. 
 Without secret-prayer-preparation, we are like 
 Dean Swift's Lilliputians in the ministry of 
 the word; but, with it, we are spiritual Samp- 
 sons. When Moses came down to the camp 
 of Israel from Mount Sinai, after fasting, 
 praying and conversing with the Lord forty 
 days and nights, his face shone in a heavenly 
 manner. Elijah returned from Horeb, after 
 
118 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 hearing the 'still small voice/ destitute of the 
 feelings he had 'under the juniper tree in the 
 wilderness of Beersheba/ And the holy Jesus, 
 after praying and fasting forty days and 
 nights in the wilderness of Judea, and after 
 his temptation, 'returned into Galilee in the 
 power of the Spirit.' Time would fail me to 
 speak of others. Our heavenly Father will 
 reward us openly, if we pray to him in secret, 
 ilnd the greatest reward a godly minister 
 wishes, is success in his work. 
 
 *' I am trying to preach Christ to the people; 
 but surely the Lord will not speak through 
 such an unsanctified man. As yet, the vessel 
 is too unholy for the Spirit to dwell in, I fear. 
 'Be ye clean, ye that bear the vessels of the 
 Lord.' The Israelites by their unfaithfulness 
 left much of the land, given to Abraham in 
 covenant, in possession of the Canaanites; in 
 like manner my want of faith, and lack of 
 conformity to Christ, has given the Adversary 
 such a hold in my churches, that it will re- 
 quire much labor and toil, 'strong crying and 
 tears,' to dislodge him. 'As for the Jebusites 
 the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of 
 Judah could not drive them out; but the Je- 
 
THE grXce of god magnifed. 119 
 
 bumtes dwell with the children of Judah at 
 Jerusalem unto this day/ — Josh, xv: 33. 
 for the spirit of David, the king, to go up and 
 smite them, ^and take the castle of Zion'/ — 
 True, I speak with more earnestness than I 
 did before this blessed work was wrought in 
 my soul; but I need more grace to warm this 
 cold heart, that I may speak like an account- 
 able man to accountable men. 
 
 " Write soon, and do say something to rouse 
 me up. I need quickening every moment, I 
 am tempted to think you will accuse me of 
 boasting. Be it so. I will boast and glory 
 in Christ. But should I forget, and boast and 
 glory in the flesh, the Lord will rebuke me. 
 I am in his hands; He has begun the w^ork, 
 and he will finish it, 'to the praise of the glo- 
 ry of his grace.' Let us meet often at a 
 throne of Grace. I am yours, in 'covenant of 
 salt.' " 
 
 On December 23d, 1851, of that memorable 
 year of my souPs existence, I wrote to another 
 friend of mine, and in a paragraph alluded to 
 the subject. My deliverance was about the 
 first of June of that year; and the reader will 
 
120 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 see by reading the extract of December 23d, 
 the state of my mind at that time. I then say: 
 *' The year is drawing to a close, and a me- 
 morable year it has been to me. I have this 
 year decided a question that has long per- 
 plexed me: Whether 1 was a child of God or notl 
 I would like to spend a few hours with you, to 
 inform you how good the Lord has been to me, 
 a poor sinner. I have had evidences of my 
 acceptance with God this year, which it would 
 be sinful to doubt. I sought them by earnest, 
 constant prayer; and the Lord heard me and 
 had mercy upon my soul, and lifted it out of 
 the deep waters. In my distress I came to 
 the Eed Sea; the rod of the covenant was 
 stretched out, and all my enemies were over- 
 thrown, horse and rider. I am on my journey 
 through the wilderness, with the cloud over 
 me by day, the pillar of fire by night, and the 
 stream from the rock ever present. I some- 
 times get into 'darkness and have no light,' 
 but I trust in the Lord, and stay my soul upon 
 the mighty God of Jacob. The covenant! the 
 covenant!! it will stand, and Jehovah will do 
 all his pleasure. At last I have attained to 
 Job^s resolution, from my heart, 'though he 
 
THE GRACE OF GOD MAGNIFIED. 121 
 
 slay me, yet will I trust in him.' What more 
 can a poor sinner do? The Master requires no 
 more. The atonement of Christ, how interes- 
 ting to my soul; and the mediation of the ex- 
 alted Jesus, how precious! But why need I 
 speak of Christ in a divided sense? He is a 
 whole and perfect Savior. He is every thing 
 to my soul. I need nothing else for salvation. 
 As I behold and gaze upon Him, he increases^ 
 and I decrease. What John said of Jesus, ^ He 
 must increase, but I must decrease,' is true of 
 my daily experience. How poor am I in every 
 thing that would commend one to God, and 
 how rich is He in all things! I am poorer 
 this year, yea, this moment, in myself than I 
 ever was before; but richer in faith, righteous- 
 ness and true holiness. I can say with Paul, 
 *I protest unto you that I die daily' to self- 
 righteousness; but Jesus lives as I am cruci- 
 fied in the flesh. I now know what Paul 
 meant when he said, I have no confidence in 
 the flesh.' 'The elder shall serve the younger.' 
 This is being fulfilled in me. 'The elder,' the 
 flesh, is serving 'the younger,' the spirit. Help 
 me, my brother, to praise the Lord for his 
 goodness and grace." 
 11 
 
122 AN EXPERIMENTAL TRACT. 
 
 With this extract I close my narrative. If 
 the reader wishes to know my religious state 
 now, I could say much; but I refer him to the 
 closing paragraph. I still rest upon those 
 precious doctrines and ideas, while the Holy 
 Spirit is pleased to enlarge my views of them. 
 I am a redeemed, saved sinner, trusting alone 
 in Jesus for salvation. I have ceased to look 
 into myself for anything to commend me to 
 God. I turn away from every thing but 
 Christ, and set him always before my face. I 
 labor to promote his cause with my feeble in- 
 strumentality; but there is no merit in it; it 
 is done as a servant. I have had no conflicts 
 since; because I have ceased to look at self, 
 and I look at none but Jesus. He is able and 
 willing to save me, and I have given my soul 
 into his hands. In him, reader, if you are a 
 Christian, we shall stand in the last day 
 '^ without fault before the throne of God." 
 
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