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£^t^f^0Es pRor^ Ti-|E [-|art, 
 
 BY 
 
 KLARENC WADE MAK, 
 
 Al'THOR OV 
 
 "Mak\s Gammur;' "77?e Laws ov Helthr 
 ^'Mentel-Dinamite," ''Munnyolojy,"' etc. 
 
 A koUelvsliun o\ 
 
 POEMS THAT KAN PO. 
 
 Thezc ar poems that lean real^- po. 
 
 And ar difturent from enny thing yu noe— 
 
 Tha wil kure the Plart-ake and extrakt the bhies, 
 
 And happify yu from your hed down to your shues. 
 
 It this l)(jok iz in your pokct nite and da, 
 
 It wil ahvaes giv yu hik in evury wa: 
 
 So read it thru from shore to shore, 
 
 And then al yiiy-,- tryh^il^ wil.hep;iji-...^ » • .. ■ ^ 
 
 riBMSflD BY 
 
 DK. MAK c*^ HIMSELF, 
 
 AT DEXYUR, KOLORADO. 
 
■A fa Es 
 
 l<^oo 
 
 Koppyrijhted Dec. 26. 19()0, 
 
 By Klarenc Wade Mak, 
 
 of Denvur, Kolorado. 
 
KLARENC WADE MAK. 
 
 I Born Jan. 27, IfSdl, at FairfiuUl. Iowa.) 
 
Poetry iz the Song ov the Huinaii Hart 
 Evur ekkoing thru the Dreamy Mind, 
 And rides Wild Fancy thru evury Mart 
 In surh ov wot it wil ncvur find — 
 A sweet surcece from al unpeac. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 WY I KITE POET]^Y. 
 
 Sum pepel rite i>oetry just for fun. 
 Wile uthuns rite it solely for "mun;" 
 Then uthurs rite it bekoz tlia'r "pruny," 
 But I rite it only bekoz I am loony ! 
 
 Aftur reading- tlieze vurses al thru, 
 ^^um wil kus until the air iz bin, 
 And sware that I am the kraziest ja 
 Tluit evur skiibeld in suh a wa ; 
 
 AVile uthurs ^^'il laf and loudly praze 
 The krazy stuf the rest thair daes, 
 And unto uthuris most pursistently deklare 
 That I am a jeneyus botli great ami rare' 
 
 But it al goes and only lu-uves 
 That pepel's minds ar not alike — 
 "N^'ile sum travel only in setteld gruves, 
 Uthurs kontinuely jump rlie 'pike; 
 
 But we shud evur praktis and kultivate 
 The broadest spirit ov tolurenc, 
 For no wun iz sufftshently great. 
 To noe it al in ennv sens. 
 
6 MAIv'S POEMS. 
 
 FONETIK SPELING. 
 
 1 \\'airt my readurs to evur rekollekt 
 That I thiuk the Fouetik ^peiling- the most korrekt^ 
 And I dou't iize it to be od and unlike the rest, 
 But bekoz I konsidur it niuh the best; 
 
 For thare nevur woz enny rezun that I kud se, 
 For speling "gnat" with the lettur "g," 
 And for puting twu fs in "stuff," 
 Wen AA'un wud be quite enuf. 
 
 And to put "i" in "bird" insted ov u, 
 Iz a very foolish thing to du ; 
 But puting a "b" in evury "debt," 
 Iz a bigur folly yet. 
 
 And to spel "they" with an "ey," 
 Is enuf to make a jakas si ; 
 And puting "ugh" in "langh," 
 Iz enuf to make a punken daf. 
 
 And it'z enuf to giv wun the tizik. 
 
 To put "physe" in "physic," 
 
 And to put "ig" in "feign," 
 
 Iz enuf to drive a hithing post insane ! 
 
 And bekoz Web>stur sezs it'z rijht 
 To put "gh" in evury "night," 
 Don't make it so by a dam site ! 
 And I shal oppoze it with al my mijht ! 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 A :\1ITTHUR'S LUV. 
 
 The sweetest thing beneath the skies, 
 
 Iz a Muthiir s luv that nevnr dies, 
 
 And hur farewel kis upon the cheek, 
 
 Fileth wun tu fnl to even speak, 
 
 And the last long lingiiring- look 
 
 Into hur dear old teer-dimd ies, 
 
 Wil evur haunt Old Memory'vS evury nook, 
 
 And til the Soul with sweet, soft tendur sies. 
 
 ADAM AND EVE. 
 
 God made Adam and Sistur Eve, 
 
 And Eve made God and Adam greev, 
 
 And then the Loivl made a wiked brake 
 
 By punisliing.them both for hiz own mistake; 
 
 For he surtenly nu just wot Eve wud du, 
 
 And he just az ezily kud 
 
 Hav made hur ,so awfuly good 
 
 That she realy nevur wud 
 
 Hav gossipt about the uaburhood, 
 
 Nor refuzd to split the kindling wood, 
 
 But wud hav spent al hur naked daes 
 
 And lade awake at nite 
 
 Devizing new and bettur waes 
 
 To du hur duties rijht. 
 
8 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 LIFE'S ROAD. 
 
 Life's rokky old road iz krooked and rut", 
 And long Tbefore we relie tlie ntliiir shore. 
 We uzliiiely get more than ennf 
 To last us forevurniore; 
 
 And yet we kud ezily make 
 
 It level and strate with nernr a brake, 
 
 And stru it with liownrs 
 
 From morning til nite, 
 
 To gladen the honrs 
 
 And make ns feel brite, 
 
 If we only had sens and konshenc ennf 
 
 To qnit dning the things that make it so rnf. 
 
 We must abolish al profit and greed, 
 And ahvaes help ehe ntluir along, 
 And then the time wil rajndly speed 
 Wen Life for us al wil be a glad song. 
 
 LONELY 
 
 Al alone before I retire, 
 
 Theze fu littel lines I'l rite — 
 
 To sa that my greatest dezire 
 Iz to se littel June tonite. 
 
 Only a look from hnr soft brown ies — 
 
 Only a tuh from Imr dear littel hand. 
 And my spirits wnd suddenly rize. 
 For I'd feel like a diffnreni man. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 9 
 
 MENTEL KIDURS. 
 
 Thots kan travel just as ezj and fast 
 
 AVen the roads ar iimddy az wen tlia ar dry, 
 
 So tha skip a lono- with a si and a song, 
 
 On thair Mentel ^teed with litenino- speed, 
 
 Towards the great Painles and Voieles Paslt, 
 
 Wher harts ar nnaked and ies kan not krj, 
 
 To find a surceee from the mentel unpeae 
 
 Ov the prezent mad-life with its strngel and strife 
 
 To gane Rihes and Pownr to be lost in an hour. 
 
 AL IES LOOK ALIKE. 
 
 Deth makes al ies look alike 
 By pouriug them ful ov that 
 Stranje Dark-Lite, 
 That al puisuns so liartily dislike 
 Bekoz it iz Eturnel-Nite. 
 
 GEEED. 
 
 The Soul ov the wnrld iz (Ireed, 
 
 And to ''liv without wurking'' its Kreed, 
 
 Wherin ehe iz trying and duing liiz best 
 
 To get "snmthinS!^ for nuthing" from al ov the rest; 
 
 And this nnivursel swindling iz koled "trade," 
 
 And most pepel konsidur it lejitimate. 
 
 And then wiindur wy we'r on the downward grade. 
 
 And traveling towards hel at suh a rapid rate! 
 
10 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 EMPTY KRISTMAS TREES. 
 
 Al ovur the wiirld this Krlstmas eve, 
 
 Milyuns ov pepel Avil siiffur and greev, 
 
 And al bekoz ov our soshel laws 
 
 That maketh this life a rotene ov strife, 
 
 In the mad strugel for bred until we ar ded. 
 
 In this strugie ov greed a fu wil sukceed, 
 Wile the uthurs in need wil quikly recede 
 Until at the last ^en Hope iz al past. 
 And then tha wil fale and di on the trale 
 That uthuns wil tred in thair surh for bred. 
 
 And thus we hav gawn froin the iirliest dawn — 
 Evur strugiling for bred until we ar ded! 
 Wy shud we "kompete" ehe uthur to beat. 
 And strive for that gane that kozeth suh pain 
 To thoze that get beat and suffur defete. 
 Wen we kud gane more by helping ehe o'ur 
 Life's rokkv old road witli hiz burden and load? 
 
 PURHAPS. 
 
 The Human Mind haz evur kravd to noe 
 Wot iz beyond the quiet Stars that twinkel so. 
 And wy tha shud evur be so far awa 
 Beyond our rehe, no wun kan realy sa. 
 Purhaps tha ar but Dimnnds in Eturnity, 
 Llting the wa ov life for yu and me? 
 
AIAK'S POEMS. _ 11 
 
 REMINISCENT. 
 
 Az it iz dark and istormj tonite, 
 And I hav nutliing else to du, 
 I'l take up my pen and rite 
 A fii stra thots to yu. 
 
 I'm al alone and very sad, 
 And evury nite before I sleep, 
 I furvently wish I nevur had 
 Given yu my hart to keep. 
 
 Then my ies klog up with teers 
 Until I realy kan not se. 
 But stil I hope in fuchur years, 
 Togethur we ma alwaes be. 
 
 Soon into dreams I softly glide. 
 Wenyour littel hands so soft and wite, 
 Seem to kum and jently gide 
 My restles thots al thru the nite; 
 
 Then the morning's kristel beams 
 Steal o'ur me like a flash oy lite. 
 And shattur al thoze golden dreams 
 That haunt my braue at nite. 
 
 KRUEL AND IMPARSHEL DETH. 
 
 E^alry thing that we luv and cherish, 
 Soonur or latur wil fade and perish ; 
 For al ar doomd to krumbel and fol, 
 And komplete destiiikshun awaits us al. 
 
12 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 The fairest fiownrs that eviir did bloom, 
 Az wel az the rankest weeds that s^vo, 
 At subjekt to this iniirsiles Doom, 
 And sooiiiir or latnr must go. 
 
 The kansiir and flownr ar treted alike — 
 Likewize, tlie l)a!be and the snake, 
 And elie in its tnrn wil hav to take 
 A farew.el trip that we al dislike. 
 
 ■ NiQ i jto i' mo nor ti ' Lib i' te l^rcin^ichG him noW ' — 
 
 3>7^ rj » oi»POO ' kan deepen the i i inkcL * . iijAin I t ltUDP O w; 
 
 iPov ' he ImH . paad btjuiiil the i eho ov paiD," ' 
 
 And4 i ia poit wil bo Etupncl 
 
 In tlie. iimwo gruro whrn ^ ho 1» lain . 
 
 ¥p(m bin gravo tho flowui'n wil gi'o. 
 And o' 111 hli. Lumb 11m bui ' do wil fljy 
 Wilt awfl uft i hi in the bin jcmd ^^^^^ky^ 
 Tbo otQPO that ho lund wil twinhc i ] aad ftlo . 
 
 KINDNES. 
 
 Kind akts and good deeds 
 
 Ar the best ov al the seeds, 
 
 And wil gro in enny klime, 
 
 Producing splendid harvests evury time; 
 
 So be kind to al yu meet. 
 
 For tha, ma return the trete, 
 
 And if we al helpd ehe uvlinr along, 
 
 This life wud be a iiiadsuin son"-. 
 
MAKS POEMS. 13 
 
 THE AVIZDUMLES STHUGEL. 
 
 How foolish it iz to make it our biz, 
 To striigel for weith that rnins our helth, 
 And waste al ov our daes and most o\ the nite. 
 Devizing' new waes to kontinu the iite, 
 
 And diiing our hest to destroy the rest, 
 
 Hoo are strugling to l)eat us and trying to clieat us, 
 
 in the mad strngel ov greed for more tliau tlia ne(Ml, 
 
 Wen we ezily kud be duing muh good, 
 By helping al uthurs like '^ivilizd bruthurs 
 To battel for rijht from morning til nite, 
 Wih wud be a great boon to al ov us soon. 
 
 This strngel for gane soon ruins the brane, 
 And drives them to krime in evury old klime. 
 For wen tha ''kompete" just haf \\']\ get l)eat, 
 And thoze that must fale wil suffur and wail 
 Until thair poor brane iz realy insane, 
 And. then tha wil rave until the kold grave 
 Givs them a liome wher tha wil not roam, 
 But wil peaefuly rest in Nachur's kind brest, 
 Evur fre from the kare that drcne them in thare. 
 
 THE OLD AND THE NEW. 
 
 Not long ago al traveling woz slo, 
 In the klumzy old Staje 
 That excited our raje, 
 We went to and fro. 
 
14 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 But now we flit thru the air 
 
 On a soft eusliund chair, 
 
 In kumfort with meteor speed, 
 
 From oshim to oshnn behind the Iron-steed ! 
 
 THE FOX AND CHIKEN. 
 
 Mr. Ranard: 
 "Sa, frend Chiken, Avy roost so hi up in the tre, 
 Az tho yu wur afrade ov me? 
 Knm down, I pra, and with me pla, 
 And we wil hav a hi old time toda. 
 I am your frend, yu need not fear, 
 Kum down— and with me have sum beer!" 
 
 Mr. Wize Fowl : 
 "Ah yes, Mr. Fox, purhaps you are sincere. 
 But still hav that awful fear, 
 That if I went down with yu to pla, 
 My life wud shurely end this very da; 
 So I'l sta up here quite out ov rehe. 
 And listen to yu wile yu prehe. 
 I ma be rong and yu be rijht, 
 But I fear if I went down upon the ground, 
 Thar'd be ''a hot time in the old town tonite !" 
 
 Morel : 
 
 Don't pla (fuze or vote) with the Old Parties, 
 for thair profeshuns ov frendship' ar tu thin to 
 koncele thair appetite for chikeu. Az long az yu 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 15 
 
 pla with the Old Parties yu ar ded chikens! Al 
 yu kan akkomplish b}^ that kours iz to help the po- 
 litikel Ranards to more chiken pi. Enny thing 
 that Spidurs and Foxes ar in favnr ov iz a pritty 
 dam good thing for Flies and Chikens to steer klear 
 ov! Vote for the Sosheliists and then yu wil not 
 bekum chiken pi for enny v.nn, but wil be voting for 
 a pair ov long and purmanent wings for your own 
 uce. 
 
 Undur Soshelizm wel al hav wings and fly, 
 And liv on the very best beneath the sky, 
 For we'l al be at wnrk then, and nevurmore 
 Wil thare be enny want and strife to make us sore ; 
 
 For ehe wun wil hav a chanc to produce 
 Al he wants for hiz own uce, 
 And then the Chikens Avil not fear the Fox — 
 Neithur wil the Spidurs entrap the Flies, 
 
 And thare wil be no more uce for loks 
 
 Enny wher beneath the purpel skies. 
 
 For we'l al dwel togethur then, az bruthurs shud, 
 
 In wun univnrsel, peacful Bruthurhood. 
 
 WY. 
 
 Wy »<hu(l we wish to liv 
 Al thru Eturnity, 
 Wen Deth wil shurely giv 
 Surcece from al our mizurv? 
 
16 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 DREA^[ FACES. 
 
 In my sleep thare seem to be 
 Dream-faces liiivuring o'lii' me, 
 Ami with tliair big nite-ies 
 Tlia seem to take delite 
 In wothing- me until I rize, 
 And then tha take thair flite. 
 
 But thare iz wun so sweet and fair, 
 "SVitli dai-k brown ies and evening hair, 
 Hooz glances alwaes kast a spel 
 O'ur my hart that makes it swel 
 With keenest ekstacy and fond delite. 
 That sweetly thrils me thru the nite. 
 
 She seems to luv me be.st 
 
 And alwaes knmis before the rest. 
 
 And iz the laist to go awa. 
 
 For it seems to me az tho 
 
 Se'd lingur just to sa, 
 
 With hur ies, "I luv you so !" 
 
 KONSHENC. 
 
 If yu wil alwaes du I'ijht, 
 
 Yu kan sleep wel at nite, 
 
 But the gilt ov great rongs 
 
 Evur ekkoes like undying S(»ngs, 
 
 Al thru the hart and the brane, 
 
 Kozing muh suffuring, soiro and pain! 
 
MAK'S POEMvS. 17 
 
 KEdRET. 
 
 At times tliarc kiiins to evury hart, 
 A sadnes that wil not depart — 
 It isifts itself al thru the frame, 
 Koziiii;- a Avearines hard to name. 
 
 From the (led bnt inforgotten Past, 
 Knms this desolashnn like a blast, 
 And kils eviiry Hope within the brest, 
 And tils the Soul with vai>e unrest. 
 
 A TKEHUia S Wl.MAX AND IlUPt FATE. 
 
 " 'Twoz only a dream/' she sed, "and now it iz o'nr," 
 
 Levin"; hnr huzband alene to perish — 
 
 With a hart al broken and sore, 
 
 And nuthinn lo luv and nuthing to cherish. 
 
 But a time wil kuui in the years ahed. 
 Wen she Avil wish that she wur ded; 
 For hur yuthful charms wil soon hav flown. 
 Leving- hnr nun to kol hur own. 
 
 And then she wil droop like a tlowur and di, 
 
 Al alone undur the star-jemcl sky, 
 
 ^^Mth no wun to hear hui' hart-broken sies. 
 
 And kis bak the teers from hur Deth-dimd ies! 
 
 And no luring arms wil klasp nor embrace, 
 A'^'ile D(^tirs dark shaddoes ar chiling hur face, 
 And no hiving lijis wil wdspur, "good-bye, my darl- 
 ing, farewel I 
 
18 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Ma peac be with yu wlierevur yii dwel ;" 
 But al alone wil she mizurably perish, 
 With no wnn to luv liur and no wun to cherish. 
 Tlie fiowurs Avil bloom and the wotlnrs wil flo, 
 And the voices ov burds A\il warbel and sing; 
 But no hiving hand wil evur thare bring 
 Wun littel flowur on bur grave to gro. 
 
 THAT OLD KAT OV OURS. 
 
 We had an old Tomas kat, 
 And hiz name woz Nikolina Jim — 
 He woz very fond ov milk and rat, 
 And Alto Maria woz foTid ov him. 
 
 Evury nite he went forth to roam, 
 And alwaes found hiz luv at home, 
 And wen togethur tha wud get, 
 Thar'd be sum singing yu uia bet; 
 
 But ere the pepel nu it, 
 And before the lu'ake ov da, 
 Tha wud sing a duet 
 That wud drive al sleep awa; 
 
 Then sware wurds wud (juikly lil the air. 
 And things to thro wur in demand, 
 For evury wun wanted to kil the pair 
 For plaing ''Damnashun Ar-my'' iu our land ! 
 
 But thair missils wur in vain. 
 
 And thair kusing kozd no pain. 
 
 For tha'd retire adown the alley, 
 
 And sing az tho mezmurizd by "Sengally." 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 19 
 
 THAT LITTEL LAM AGEN. 
 
 Koliimbia had a littel Dewey ram 
 HoDz fleec woz red, wite aiid bin, 
 And he folloed hur to Manila wim da, 
 Just to sho the Spanyards wot he knd dn ; 
 
 But it woz agenst the Spanish rnle 
 
 For this poor lam to entnr the Manila skool ; 
 
 So, by means both great and smol, 
 
 Tha tried to make poor Dewey fol, 
 
 But without a fear he lingurd near. 
 
 And with shot and shel he gave them hel ! 
 
 Until the last dark sworthy nave 
 
 Woz sleeping in a deep and wottury grave, 
 
 At the bottum ov the quiet ba, 
 
 Wher Dewey sent them al to sta. 
 
 RETKOSPEKSIIUN. 
 
 Evury nite before I pas to sleep. 
 My Memory takes a silent kreep 
 Bak thru the Vast and Voicles Past, 
 Wher Life's shaddoes al ar kast 
 And our Hopes ar buried fa,st; 
 
 Yet in this Semitary ov the Ajes 
 
 Memory oft iz wont to roam. 
 
 For here it finds a sweet surcece from sorro, 
 
 Wher no Storm evur rajes.. 
 
 And wher Deth ma land us al tomorro — 
 
 In Life's E turn el home. 
 
20 . MAK'S POEAIS. 
 
 SOON. 
 Soon the Siimjiniir'z g-aAvn, 
 Soon tlie Flowiirs cli — 
 Soon the Mte sukceeds the Dawn, 
 So qiiik the Moments fly. 
 
 Soon al things wil perish. 
 Soon al harts must brake — 
 Soon al things we cherish, 
 Soon we miiist forsake. 
 
 Soon the Dream iz o'ur, 
 Soon our life iz past — 
 Soon we'r gawn forevurmore — 
 Al hushd in Deth at last 
 
 LIFE. 
 
 Life iz but a short and fitful Dream, 
 Ohuk ful ov ups and downs — 
 And tilings 'ar seldum wot tha seem, 
 Eithur in the kuntry or in the towns. 
 
 We ar ushurd into this life 
 Without our nolledj or konsent — 
 And we get more trubel and strife, 
 Than we evur find peac and kontent. 
 
 Then aftur a fu breef years 
 Ov strugel and toil to keep wel, 
 Our trends wil shed a fu teers, 
 And the wurld wil bid us fare^yel ! 
 
MAK'S POEMvS. 21 
 
 THE MUTHUE-IN-LAW. 
 
 In broken dreams lie often sees 
 Hur luving face amung tlie trees, 
 And by the quiet peacful lake, 
 Hur littol hands he ucd to take, 
 And kis them in the summur breez, 
 Beneath the weepin,i^■-\^ illo trees. 
 
 Tha wur happy then and nu 
 That Luv's yung Dream woz tru ; 
 But now tha 'r sad and far apart, 
 Ehe suffuring with a broken hart. 
 And the sadest reks yu evur .saw, 
 Kozd bv a meddelsum mntlmr-in-law. 
 
 ONLY FLIIKTING. 
 
 "Ah yes! 'twoz only tlurtiug, 
 And yu wiir 'only plaing a part ;" 
 But my poor hart iz yet ahurting, 
 Altho six years we'v 'bin apart. 
 
 Evur sine the spring or 1S03 
 
 Life haz bin a hel to me. 
 
 And al bekoz yu wur far awa. 
 
 And akting kold az a Klondike's wintur da. 
 
 Your awful trezun untrollied IJezun, 
 And made it ^ohhel on its Throne, 
 Until now it totturs toward the wotturvS 
 Oy Lethe in Deth's unstormd laiioon. 
 
22 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Giv bak to me my hart agen, 
 
 And take from out my Soul this bittiir pain— 
 
 Ungra my hair and koax Despare 
 
 To quit its home within my Hopeles ies — 
 
 Turn bak the years until the teers 
 
 And kloudis had nevur darkd my sunny skies ; 
 
 In short — 
 
 Unsorro al my lonely life 
 
 And Skru Old Kezun bak upon its Throne, 
 
 And then if yn wont be my wife, 
 
 I wil leve yu quite alone! 
 
 But— 
 
 In the gloon* ov fuchur years, 
 Your ies wil noe the tuli ov teers 
 That hav traveld from the Soul, 
 To baptize the Hart with greef 
 And make the face look old. 
 Like unto a w'ithurd leaf 
 *Gloon=twilife. 
 
 NACHUR'S POEM. 
 
 Doiwn from the Mounten's snoey tops, 
 Thare kums a sijht that's grand to se- 
 A tiny Stream that nevur stops 
 Until it finds the hungry Sea. 
 
 It sparkels in the golden lite 
 Al thru the liv long da, 
 And kreepeth thru the Voicles Nite, 
 Evur stinifi^lino: on its lonelv wa. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 23 
 
 YURNINO. 
 
 Evur sine Kreasliim's Diiiiful Dawn, 
 The Human Mind liatli evur yurnd 
 For things that ar forevnr gawn, 
 And that wil nevur be returnd ; 
 
 For thare iz eviir prezent within tlie Human Mind, 
 A vage and jurnful longing for wot it wil nevur tind 
 And the Soul duth evur vurn and krave 
 To noe wot iz heyond the ]>ortels ov the Grave. 
 
 SAD, BUT TRU. 
 
 In the butiful Golden Springtiinie — the purfumed 
 
 daes, 
 When the flo^^■ul^s ar blooming from shore to shore, 
 And Old Nachur seems so good in al hur waes, 
 Milyuns ov lives wil liav to end forevurmore. 
 
 For evury llowur haz its littel da 
 
 In will to bloom and fade awa, 
 
 And no mattur how fair or fragrant its purfume, 
 
 It mmst soon yelde to the inevitnbel Do'om. 
 
 And so it wil he with us al, 
 
 For aftur a fu breef years, 
 
 Fild with our hopes and our fears, 
 
 Wher al ov our smih-s wil sink in our teers, 
 
 Destrukshun wil giv iis a kol. 
 
24 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 THE AIUvANSAW ^VA. 
 
 Hiz hart iz in a wnrl 
 Bekoz ov a typeritiir gurl, 
 Hoo iz very kiite and sassy, 
 And a pritty Littel I\(»k lassie. 
 
 He meets luir at the store, 
 And togethnr tha idly roam 
 Until thair feet ar sore, 
 And tlien he takes hiir home. 
 
 HAPPY SPPINIJ Tr:\iE. 
 
 The soft warm d'aes ov S])rinii \\\\ soon arrive. 
 Wen the dear littel Bnrds wil twittnr and sing, 
 And the butiful Flownus wil Idossnm and thrive — 
 Kasting a thril ov joy ovur evnrv thing. 
 
 And the soft Soutlnvind with the dreamy sooth, 
 Wil steal o'nr the urth like feral dreams, 
 Stnring onr Minds with dreams ov ynth, 
 And sparkel onr ies with t(Mi<lnr gleams. 
 
 The lazy Wottnrs wil gnrgel and tnil, 
 Az tha rippel along in the mossy brook, 
 A sweet Inv-song to the poor' Wip-Poor-Wil, 
 That'z noding awa in sum ^haddoy noiik. 
 
 And the ga Blakbnrd to hiz mate Avil sing, 
 Az the SontlH^ind I'oks him on the Kattail-stem, 
 For he wil be happy with hiz brite red wing 
 And hiz dear littel wife hatehing pikaninnies for 
 them. 
 
MAK'vS POEMS. 25 
 
 And the old Jakrabit wil wink liiz big ear, 
 And exekiite kapnrs most amazingly queer, 
 Wile kourting hiz littel gra mate, 
 So quietly jentel and evur sedate. 
 
 And the big Bulfrog wil kroak in the poud, 
 A sweet luv-song that wil ekko along 
 The damp marshy moor to a Froges beyond, 
 Hooz maidenly hart wil awake with a start, 
 And yurn with a thril for sum "dear Wil." 
 
 And the old Brigham-Turky wil gobbel and strut, 
 And munky around in the same old rut, 
 And try to entrance with hiz queer luv-danc. 
 The Netties and Nellies and dark-ied Mays, 
 Al during the sweet and bommy Spring daes. 
 
 And the dear littel Kolts so frisky and ga, 
 Wil soon be skampuring o'ur the feldes awa, 
 Wher the kute little Kavs with wobbly legs 
 Ar ehacing the Chikeus that want to la egs. 
 
 And the wee littel Pigs wil gambol and grunt, 
 Az tha folio thair momma on a forajing hunt. 
 Wile the wobbly old Goos with joints that ar loos, 
 Wil pluk hur own brest to fethur hur nest, 
 And in a fu weeks AAith hur gozling freaks, 
 She wil be wobbling aroinid al ovur the ground. 
 
 And the sweet littel Lams with thair garments so 
 
 wife, 
 Wil frisk in the meddoes from morning til nite. 
 Wile the trehurus Hawk wil wing in the sky, 
 To kntch the poor Rabit that'z not very spry. 
 
26 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 And the littel brown Eobin with the red, red brest, 
 
 Wil karry materiels aiwa up hi, 
 
 And in the cherry tree's top wher he wil stop, 
 
 Bild them a nest for hiz mate to rest — 
 
 Awa up Ivlose to the blu-jemd sl?;y. 
 
 And the ga littel Lark so prltty and spry, 
 
 Wil soar up hi agenst the bin sky. 
 
 And with al ov hiz mizikel poAvurs 
 
 Wil sing in the klouds for hours ; 
 
 And then he'] decend and sit on a post, 
 
 And ov hiz ariel trip most loudly wil boast. 
 
 And the queer littel Quail wil sit on a rail, 
 And wistel "Bob Wite" with al ov hiz mijht. 
 And seem kontented from morning til nite, 
 Wile wothing hiz pard hoo iz trying so hard 
 To make him a jjarent by nite. 
 
 The lazy old Goat wil wink at the Shoat, 
 Az it lazhurly krawls thru the rikety w'ols 
 To root in the garden and yard; 
 But Tovtzur wil growl and make a big jump. 
 And the Piggie wil howl and rapidly hump. 
 
 But he'] get kaut and be suddenly brot 
 To hiz senses by a biting that's terribel hard. 
 And I very'muh fear the Rootur's left ear 
 Wil sta with the Dog insted ov the Hog. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 27 
 
 And the littel Skool Kids kan not now lurn, 
 
 For a] ov thair Souls du madly yum 
 
 To go barefoted and lurn to swim 
 
 In the Great Big Pond that'z ful to te T3rim. 
 
 And now "Poor Old Pussy" with a koat so yello, 
 Hoom we alwaes koled "Tom"— a nauty old fello, 
 Wil quietly return looking so happy and gaunt and 
 
 pale, 
 Akkrmpanied by four littel Kitties that pla with 
 
 hiir tail. 
 
 DREAMY DREAMS. 
 
 Wot stranje fantastik Forms 
 
 Go kapuring thru our branes, 
 
 In grotesk myriad swormis. 
 
 Chanting sum long forgotten strains — 
 
 That we thot ded ! 
 
 Tha like to ride Old :\remory bak 
 
 AI thru the Vast and Voieles Past, 
 
 And kamp along sum long forgotten trak, 
 
 That from our Mind iz fading fast. 
 
 And bak to our childhood's happy daes, 
 
 Tha ofttimes koax us thru the years, 
 
 To wher our lives wur spent in happy plaes- 
 
 So evur free from Greef and Sorro's teers. 
 
28 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Theze Mentel Vizitnrs at iiite, 
 Du hold most weird revel, 
 And danc with steps so elfish lite — 
 The Fandanoo ov the Devel ! 
 
 Theze nautv Brownies ov the Mind, 
 Sumtimes bio ont the Moon, 
 And ride the Stars awa to find 
 The Pleades and ^Milky Wa by noon. 
 
 Betimes tha hith the Kainbo 
 With a Moonbeam to a Worlok's heel, 
 And then with Banshe skreeh tha ji'o 
 Like Demons skanipnring bak to Sheol ! 
 
 At times tha also have a "spred," 
 And theze ar thing\s tha relish : 
 Wip-Poor-Wil teers with nnynn-bred, 
 Snobnrd traks az ''lo twelv" snaks — 
 Humingburd hnms with Grashoppnr spit. 
 And the sinoviel-jnce 
 From the rist ov a Goos, 
 Ar things tha relish a bit. 
 
 Theze wild cerebrel Bogie Men, 
 Dn ofttimes balenc the lite fantastik heel 
 In sum stranjely wild Bolivien glen, 
 Wher the Chilean ^Maidens like to reel ; 
 And then agen tha often kongregate 
 Upon the 'bolavards ov sum wild Star, 
 And thare with Santa Klanz tha selebrate 
 With Spooky songs and Inrid tar! 
 
MAK'S POEMvS. 29 
 
 Tim ooze rijht thru the lU'th and the air 
 Without a trolly, a wing or a steed, • 
 And yet tha hardly evur get entirely thare, 
 With al ov thair litening- speed. 
 
 Tha go swiming in the Milky Wa, 
 
 And with the Zig-Zag-Litenings i^la 
 
 Foot-'bol with staks or ha ; 
 
 And then adown the Rainbo's gaudy krest, 
 
 Tha go "skorhiug" on skoopshuvels towards the 
 
 West, 
 Evur surhing for the urstwile '"Charly Ros,'' 
 And a Redheded Gurl unakkumpauied by a Witeish 
 
 Hoss. 
 
 By "Theosofy'' tha liav quikly found 
 
 Wher "Hiram Abif" woz luiried in the ground, 
 
 And by "Osteopathy'' and 'Ofagnetik Healing" 
 
 rijhtly applied, 
 Tha soon brot j)0'or Hiram bak long aftur he had 
 died! 
 
 And by "Telepathy'- tha hav at last a trace 
 Ov the man hoo rote the "Morey Lettur" 
 And hit "Billie Patturson" in the face 
 Bekoz he kudn't find Patrik Kro'z hiding place. 
 
 Theze Mentel Xomes du often swim 
 The lazy Amazon's expansiv Mouth, 
 Just to hav a short konfab with him — 
 The "Juneyur Worden'' in the South ; 
 
30 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 And then tha trek awa with keenest zest, 
 
 To sho thair "apmns" to the "Seneyur Worden in 
 
 the West. 
 
 Tha folio Aguinaldo thru the Luzon brakes, 
 And Avith him trek up the kops with stoik Boer ti-ed. 
 And then along the Ural's niirrord lakes, 
 Tha bivwak with Mahatnias and Ejvpt's Sheeted 
 Ded. 
 
 Tha boil Butturfly egs in Klondyke ice, 
 And make Pehes gro on Punken vines, 
 And pla the Fiddel with loaded dice, 
 And drink Hors-shu-nales for Renish wines. 
 
 Tha often get "organizd'' on Butturfly-Butturmilk, 
 And slug thair ]Mutliur.s-in-Law with baked ice 
 
 kream, 
 And wear neglije soks ov finest Spidur-silk, 
 Wile dancing the "Altogethur" on a tips}^ Moon- 
 beam. 
 
 Tha make the Sun iinshine its lite 
 And rize within the tranquil West, 
 And koz six Moons to orb the Nite, 
 So al the Stars ma hav a rest. 
 
 Tha ar weird Klowns with spektrel klothes, 
 And koz fine wool to bloom on bak ov Kroes, 
 And in Fairy Kauldruns with Katturpillur lard, 
 Tha bake Sheep-Fethurs with Nat-Teers good and 
 hard. 
 
 And menny uthur things most queer and stranje 
 Du theze Mentel Bandits that nitely ranje 
 The Goblin Plazas ov the Brane. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 31 
 
 MANKIND. 
 
 Sumtiines upon a wunc, 
 Mankind iz prone to 'be a diinc ; 
 For lie'z a fool both great and rare, 
 And in the middel parts hiz hair, 
 And wears a kolhir far tu lii, 
 And about eviiry thini>- wil li. 
 
 He violates the laws ov lielth eviiry da, 
 And then wundnrs wy he dnz not feel brite an ga ; 
 And takes medisin for evury little pain, 
 And iz alwaes swiming- the rivnr to keep out ov the 
 rain; 
 
 And the great Keproduktiv laws ov life 
 
 He frakchurs with an inkompatibel wife, 
 
 And pepels the urth A\dth dejenurate brats 
 
 That fite and quorl like dogs and kats. 
 
 He iz a mijhtily monstrus, hencforth as. 
 
 And wil ete e^nirj'^ thing from elefants to aspar- 
 
 agras. 
 And from fried peanuts to boild icekream, 
 And baked Wip-Poor-Wil teers to a pohed mo(Ui- 
 
 beam. 
 And tlieu wundurs wy he liaz bellyake, 
 Aftur gorjing himself on pi and anejel-kake. 
 
 He iz a drunkurd, a liburtene and glutten. 
 And gorjes iiiniself on wisky, beer and muttun, 
 Until hiz brane iz ful ov snakes, 
 And then the "Keelv-kure" he takes. 
 
32 MAK'S POEMvS. 
 
 He wastes liiz life iu a mad piirsiite 
 Ov welth aucl the Uiiiviirs to boot, 
 And wile akquiring eiiormns weltli, 
 The poor fool loozes al hiz lieltli, 
 And Deth konsines him to the Past, 
 Wher al the fools wil i-est at last. 
 
 He tries to lengthen hiz life by shortening it. 
 And ov sens he hazn't got a littel bit. 
 He tries to liten hiz burdens by inkrecing them, 
 And anumg iirtli's myriad fools he iz a jem. 
 
 He evur strugels to rehe the top 
 
 By di'ifting downward without a stop, 
 
 And tries to get out ov det by borroing munny, 
 
 And takes morfene to kure the opium-habit. 
 
 And menny uthur things most stranje and funny; 
 
 And wen he gets sik and ful ov ake 
 
 He isends for a doktur p. d. q., 
 
 Hoo giv.s him a lot ov poizun to take, 
 
 And uthur stuf that makes him sik; 
 
 And if, purehanc, he ski])S not up the flu. 
 
 He thinks it woz the poizun tliat puld him thru. 
 
 If he wud lurn how to liv arijht. 
 And ov himself take propur kare, 
 He'd i^oon be feeling "out ov sijht" — 
 A feeling now most awful rare; 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 33 
 
 But be iz suli a foolish dnft'iu' 
 
 He jDrefiirs to clii wot makes liiiii siiffiir, 
 
 And until he uzes hiz branes 
 
 He wil hav to siiffiu' nunniy pains. 
 
 He niaketh laws that are nnneeded, 
 And will no wnn lialli evur heeded, 
 And iz vvuv ready for a law-snte, 
 Bekoz he is an {'<ljnkated brute. 
 
 He wil uo to law and sjtcnd a liuiidrod or twn, 
 Tryin<i' to kolkdvt a tive that to him iz due; 
 And then wundurs wy the atturnys-atdaw 
 Ai* the most prospurns he evur saw. 
 
 He wil pa ten dollars to a rotten inshurence kon- 
 
 SUTU, 
 
 For the sake ov t!;eiin;ii' bak thre ov it 
 
 In kace hiz hous shud bui*n ; 
 
 And then wundurs how theze elegant parasites 
 
 Kan liv in suh kunifoit and eze, 
 
 AVen he haz to wurk both da and nites, 
 
 His wants and hunuur to appeze. 
 
 He wil frely waste hiz niunny for tobako and wisky, 
 And with \ho "sisturs"" iivi mity frisky; 
 But if hiz wile or dauturs wanted a new hat, 
 He kudn't atford suh extra vagenc az that. 
 
 He givs hiz niunny to llieevs to keep, 
 
 So that it wil be safe and al o. k.. 
 
 And tha skip out wile he'z asleep, 
 
 Leviug nuthing but a promis to "pa in fuP' sum da. 
 
34- MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Tim ar so fill ov .selfish, lielisli greed, 
 Insted ov helping thair fello-maii, 
 And thns make hapi^y the Hnman-'breed, 
 Tha dn ehe nthnr al the harm tha kan. 
 
 He beleves in ordur to snkceed, 
 
 He mnst rnn hiz nabnrs out. 
 
 And this iz kiling of the breed. 
 
 And bringing most onr woes about. \ 
 
 He wil go to wor and liv on rotten beef, 
 For a chanc to fil nthnrs with led and greef, 
 And steal tliair lands and uthur tilings, 
 And then ov "onnr" he galy sings. 
 
 O ! he'z a bnte in evnry klime, 
 And iz happiest wen kommiting krime. 
 For he'z bin a fool so very long- 
 That he don't noe wen he'z dning rong! 
 
 He wil vote for evnry injnstis and outraje. 
 And then wnndnrs wy krime iz on the rampaje. 
 He wil attend the rankest, rotten shoes. 
 But wen enny thing good ari-iv(\s he ntwur goes. 
 
 He makes milyuns moie tlian hiz expenses evnry 
 
 " year, 
 
 Yet lie borroes munny to pa hiz expenses with, I 
 
 hear, 
 And the more he makes the deepur in det he sinks. 
 And al bekoz the krittur nevur thinks. 
 
MAK'S POEAIvS. 35 
 
 He hires a prehenr to t(^l him lies 
 A'boiit a "home*' beyond tlie skies, 
 And to friten him with tah's ov ''liel," 
 And yet he noes the whoh' thin,i>- iz a .sel; 
 
 But wen the ''Holy Gost" dnth fil him, 
 He heleveth Deth wil nevnr kil liim, 
 And to hiz "home" l)eyo!ul the sky. 
 On "oolden winiis*" he hoi)es to Hy. 
 
 He wil tite ovnr a yeUo do.u, a nikel or a game ov 
 
 dice 
 Until hel freezes ovnr and then kontinu the frakas 
 
 on the ice ; 
 In fakt, he iz the g-reatest fool in al the nnivurs, 
 And to himself and al things else a knrs, 
 
 For he haz al kinds ov foolishnes "to bni-n," 
 
 And for al that's bad hiz sonl dnth ynrn ; 
 
 In short, he iz an as ov the most monnmentel kind, 
 
 And haz a very .smol and narro nund, 
 
 Bnt he realy thinks he noes it al, 
 
 And that'z wot kozes him to fol. 
 
 Az Rong Living kozes al onr akes and onr ils, 
 llijht Living wil knre them withont nife or pils- 
 So if yn'l qnit dning wot k(^zes siknes and pain, 
 Al ov your helth yn wil (piikly regane; 
 
 So wy not rite ^Lak this very old da, 
 
 And get hiz (xreat Book withont fnrthnr dela? 
 
 Wih plainly tehes the how and the wa 
 
86 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 To regane vour lieltli witlioiit wasting j^our welth, 
 In buying likwids and powdiu's and pils, 
 Rekummended by fakes to kure a I ov your akes 
 And Humanity's most numurus ils! 
 
 If you wil get wun ov tlieze great littel books, 
 And folio its telieings from begining to last, 
 Your face wil be radient with sweet liappy looks, 
 For then al ov your suffurings wil evur be past. 
 
 And yet it only takes a fu dollurs ov weltli 
 
 To buv wun ov theze l>ooks — The "Laws ov Helth." 
 
 LITTEL HAZEL AND HUR KAT. 
 
 A pritty hed ov golden hair 
 Lade tosd upon the chair, 
 Wile thru the nite to morning's lite 
 The trane sped on with al its mijht. 
 
 With- tired sies liur big brown ies, 
 Soon wur klozed in slumbur's rest. 
 But aftur a wile awoke this child, 
 Huging a kitten to hur brest. 
 
 This nauty kit with hair so yello, 
 Woz the littel gurl's bed-fello. 
 And thru al kinds ov weathur 
 Tha hav traveld togethur. 
 From the mountens to the sea, 
 And ar az happy az kan be. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 37 
 
 HALLUSINASHUNS. 
 
 Wen this fitful life iz o'ur, 
 
 We wil evur rest in puifekt peac; 
 
 For the '-Dreams'' about ''Anuthur Shore," 
 
 Ar but lialliisinashuns ov pius geec. 
 
 Wen Old Wiskurs kises cIoavu our ielids stil, 
 It iz shurely good-bye, Bi], 
 And it iz no uce to kik and raiiz a fus, 
 For he'z bound to get the last wun ov us, 
 And wen he plants us in Nachur's brest, 
 Our sleep wil be — Eturnel rest. 
 
 A '05 PREDIKSHUN. 
 
 Now listen to Avot T sa I 
 Aftur aitteen ninety-six, 
 We wil be in a wurs fix, 
 Than wot we ar toda ; 
 
 For we wil be more in dct. 
 And munny wil be hardur to get, 
 Bekoz ov the gold bugs' skemes — 
 The fruishun ov lugland's dreams. 
 
 Next year the Kai»it(dists wil friren and fool 
 Enuf ov the sukiirs to enthrone thair tool, 
 And then the trusts \Ail greatly thrive. 
 Wile the rest ov us wil hav to kus 
 And hustel hard to keep alive. 
 
38 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 HUMAN KANNIBELIZM. 
 
 Humans wil iievur be shilizd 
 
 Until tlia hay fully realizd 
 
 That tlia ar but Yultchur-kannibels, 
 
 Long az tlia ete the karkases ov utliur animels. 
 
 It iz also niurilnr and a dastuixl krinie 
 To kil utliuT ki'ecliurs for diet or pastime; 
 For tha liav the same rijht to life az we, 
 Besides, thare'z no nesessitv for suh kruelty. 
 
 We shud ahvaes ])i'aktis the ''(Tolden Rule'' 
 On al the krechurs beneath the sun, 
 And nevur imprizun, slautur nor be kruel 
 To the utliur animels, eithur for diet or for fun. 
 
 Nachur liaz provided a l)ountiful diet 
 For al Humans if tlia wil only try it. 
 In the Grains and Vejetabels — ^the Nuts and 
 
 Frutes, 
 Wih ar much bettur than the flesh oy brutes. 
 
 RE YEN J. 
 
 Reyenj iz a sweet and bittnr frute, 
 And iz neithur fit for man nor brute, 
 And aftur we get al we want oy it, 
 We jenurely wish ^^■e hadn't tried a bit. 
 
 It iz a hard thing to forego, 
 And yet its konsummashun brings 
 To our minds regretful stings, 
 Az most oy us hay koz to noe. 
 
MAR'S POEMS. 39 
 
 MY ADVICE. 
 
 The best advice that I kan giv, 
 
 Iz for Tu and Tonrs to evur liv 
 
 A korrekt and tempiirate life alwaes, 
 
 For thare iz no uthur kind that paes. 
 
 And thare wil he a hittnr i)ain for evury liart, 
 Wen from the Ivijlit and Truth it dnth depart. 
 And starts n])on a downward grade, 
 Wher evnry toniorro brings more sorro, 
 And thru the darkest nite Kegrefz in sijht — 
 Wnrkino- at liiz trade. 
 
 THE KIU^EL SNO. 
 
 The krnel and silent and Sonlles Sno 
 
 Iz drifting adown from the North & West, 
 
 And kozing the Flown rs to di and go 
 
 Bak to thair rest in Nachnr's brest. 
 
 The krnel Old Sno wil evnr more bio 
 Etnrnel Dark into milynns ov ies, 
 Wher Lnv had its home and evnr did glo. 
 Wile tlie Sontlnvind \vai*md tlio brite Snmmur 
 skies. 
 
 And miljnns ov wings wil liav to fold, 
 To nevur more fluttnr in the bommy air, 
 AAlien Old Wintnr with liiz bretli so kold, 
 Gathnrs them into hiz icv kare. 
 
40 MAK'S I'OEAIS. 
 
 IF. 
 
 If we kud only realj iioe 
 
 Wot the Fuchur liaz iu store, 
 
 Most ov us wild neviir go 
 
 Anutliiir step along Life's rokky shore; 
 
 For I feel altogethnr snrten, 
 
 That if we kiid lift the kiirten 
 
 And take a fu syl looks ahed, 
 
 Mennv ov us 'd soon he ded, 
 
 Or in les than tlie shortest da, 
 
 Onr hair wud turn a pallid gra ! 
 
 THE STPiANJE TALE OV A FREKEL. 
 
 Littel Sallie Green 
 
 Had the frekelest face 
 
 That evur woz seen 
 
 On a nieni'bnr ov the llnman-race. 
 
 Hur frekels wui* l>ig and wide and deep, 
 For tlia grn wile she woz asleep. 
 And expanded \\\]e she woz awake, 
 Until tha exceded the Erie lake. 
 
 She tried hur best in e\ury wa, 
 To make them skip and disappear, 
 But tha only got higgur evury da, 
 Making hur look most awful queer. 
 
 At last tha fornid a mijhty "trust," 
 And al wur rold in wun, 
 Wih fild poor Sal lie with disgust 
 That rehed bevond the sun. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 41 
 
 A medisin-fakir arrivcl wnn siininiiir eve, 
 
 H'oo had a ^'remedy" warranted to make al frekels 
 
 greev, 
 And az he woz so shure and seenid onest tu, 
 Poor Sallie hot ov him a barrel or twu ; 
 
 But ere the kus liad h^ft the place, 
 Hiz med. woz wurkhiii- on hnr face, 
 But it only kozd, az he nn v,el. 
 That ''trusted" fiek to "to like hel ! 
 
 It humpd itself both da and nite. 
 Until poor Sallie woz a frite, 
 And she felt most awful sore 
 Bekoz that frek woz suh a groer. 
 
 Just az al hope had left hur brest. 
 And she woz in desparinm- raje, 
 A lettur kame with a request 
 That she exibit it upon the staje. 
 
 Here woz an offur ov fSOO a week 
 To exibit that frek upon Inir cheek — 
 She aksepted this ezy prize. 
 And shoed hur frek to nienny ies. 
 
 'Twoz but a week or twu at most, 
 And in the lattur part ov May, 
 When she met a Mr. Wilyum Post, 
 Hoo propozd to hur without dela ; 
 
-i2 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 She aksepted him and tha wur Aved, 
 And then he kisd hiir and to hur sed : 
 "Az 1 hay, welth and fame galore, 
 Yu need not sho that frek no more !" 
 
 And then he kisd hnr upon that frekeld cheek, 
 Wih made her bhisli al o'nr; 
 But from that hour the frek began to sneak. 
 And soon it woz no more. 
 
 THE MOIST END OV JIM^flE O'TOOLE. 
 
 Littel Jinunie O'Toole 
 
 Woz a wee kuntry hid, 
 
 Hoo woz sent to tlie distrikt skool 
 
 To lurn wizdum and he unbad, 
 
 But he kared not a rap for lurning. 
 And dispizd wizdum, did littel Jim, 
 For hiz Soul woz evur aYurning 
 To pla ''hookey"' and lurn to swim; 
 
 So wun fair and warm Septo'bur da, 
 Wile tlie sun woz shining brite and klear, 
 He quietly slipd out and stole awa 
 To the resiles rivur that floed so near. 
 
 He went in wher the wottur woz swift & deep, 
 And az he did not noe how to swim, 
 Hiz parents neyur got anuthur peep 
 At thair poor littel frekeld Jim. 
 MOREL : 
 
 The plazhurs that seem the most dezirabel ar often 
 ful OV Deth. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. ^S 
 
 THE ROMAXX^ OV NELLIE O'FEEL. 
 
 Butifiil Nellie O'Feel 
 Had big wispiiring iiite-ief«, 
 And bill hair that woz real, 
 Reheingdown to liuv tliies. 
 
 Hur nmtliiir tliot >^be woz al o. k., 
 And the only biibbel on the milk, 
 And got hur a piano to sing and pla. 
 And dresd bur in the finest silk ; 
 
 But the muthui-"s efforts wur al in vain 
 And bur munnv woz only tbroen awa. 
 For the guii woz a silly rattel brane, 
 And at 15 eloped with Billie (iay. 
 
 Nine niunths latur she producd a pair. 
 And then bur '^Billie'^ wandurd awa, 
 And she went bak to hur niutbur's kare. 
 The rest ov bur life to stay! 
 
 MOB EL : 
 Raiz more chikens and les children. 
 
 WILD FLOWUBS. 
 
 I luv the Wild Flowurs with tbair fragrant pur- 
 fume, 
 That bloom on the Prarries wberevur thave z room 
 Between the Jakrabits, the gras and the weeds, 
 Wher Nacbur attends to al oy tbair needs. 
 
44 AIAK'vS POEMS. 
 
 Tlia ar so sweet, so jentel and shy, 
 With thair pure Souls upturnd to the sky, 
 Seeking from Heven sum more ov its dew, 
 And sihedino- thar fragTanc for mi^ and for yu. 
 
 Tha ar mj ehunis and I luv them al — 
 The lioze and the Panzy and the sweet Violet, 
 The bin Morning Glory, the Jonquil and Lily so tol. 
 The littel Jonny-Jump-Ups, Immortelles and fair 
 Minyunet. 
 
 Tha hav alwaes thrild me with joy. 
 
 And kapchurd my Soul Aven only a boy. 
 
 And evury summur I'v enjoyd thair buty and 
 
 bloom, 
 And hated the Frost that seald thair Doom. 
 
 And wen I am liuslid in the Silenc ov D^th, 
 And unabel to longur enjoy thair breth, 
 I want to 'be buried from hed to feet. 
 Beneath the Wild Flowurs witli thair fragranc so 
 sweet. 
 
 ETUKNITY. 
 
 Eturnity iz that great Silent and Voicles 
 Darknes wher Time iz not mazhurd^ — 
 That stranje Dreamles and Kum-bakles Forevur, 
 Wher rest thoze that we luvd and trazhurd. 
 
 Eturnity iz the great and Awful Al- — 
 The Voicles Deep koling unto Deep, 
 The Ekoles Kaos in wih we fol, 
 Wlien Doth ]iaz kradeld us to sleep. 
 
AIAK'S POEMS. Jr5 
 
 ONLY A FARMUirS DAUT.UK; 
 
 or, 
 
 SUNSET BEHIND A riTIKEN KOOP. 
 
 Altho she woz only a farinur's dantiir. 
 
 And chaperoond the chikens wen tlia left the koop. 
 
 She woz not afrade to baptize hnr hands in dish- 
 
 wottnr, 
 Nor nurs the chihlren wen iha had the hooping- 
 krupe. 
 
 She helpd hnr mnthnr with al the wnrk. 
 And woz nevnr noen to want to shnrk. 
 But woz alwaes wiling to dn hnr part, 
 For she had a good and tendur hart. 
 
 The years slipd by with noizles tred, 
 And Hazel MakTTnyun gru prittinr evnvy da, 
 And altho she had menny chances to wed. 
 She sed to wnn and al a fnrm and finel "na !" 
 
 She had a voic most rare and sweet, 
 And dainty hands and littel feet. 
 And wile koling the kows wnn sumnmr da, 
 A stranjnr hnrd hnr voic tho far awa. 
 
 That muzikel vole had seald hiz fate. 
 So he koled at hnr home th^e very next <la. 
 And askd hnr to be hiz life-long mate, 
 Wih she did withont fnrthnr dela. 
 
 He woz nobel and talented and welthy and great, 
 And togethur tha traveld the nrth al o'nr^ 
 For he nevnr got tird ov liiz dear littel male. 
 And tha wur both happy forevnr more. 
 
46 MAK'S POEAIS. 
 
 Slie woz ahvaes liiz .sweeilliart az wel laz liiz Avife, 
 For tlia had no kids to pestnr tliair life; 
 And togethiir tha ,i>ru old and rinkeld and gra, 
 And togetliur tha died \\iin biitiful da, 
 And only wun koU'en for both a\'oz required, 
 For tha wnr buried togethiir az both had dezired. 
 
 HUE WUNDURFUL lES. 
 
 my Lnv liaz snh dark and butifiil ies ! 
 That hypnotize the stars iij) in the skies. 
 
 And wen she turns tlioze splendid orbs on me, 
 
 1 get so ratteld that I kan not se; 
 
 In fakt, I don't noe wethur I'm on my hed or feet, 
 Hur glances make me feel so atogethur sweet. 
 
 Just wun s(iuint from hur somluir ies, 
 And my Soul l)rakes loos and (jiiikly flies 
 A wiling kaptiv to hur fairy feer, 
 For hur viktury o'ur me iz most komplete. 
 
 Wen hur orbs on me du beam, 
 Al the wurld duth quikly ,seem 
 To melt, skip out and fade awa, 
 So komplete iz Inn' hypnotik swa. 
 
 Twic upon a wune she lurnd on me thoze lamps, 
 And it jard me loos from shore to shore, 
 And gave my Soul kamp uieet'n kramps 
 That left my livur hard aiul sore. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. i7 
 
 Thre times ago wilo on a promenade, 
 She beamd upon a liitcliino post, 
 And it didn't dn a thing l)nt fade 
 And instantly yelde up tlie gost. 
 
 LUV. 
 
 Lnv iz the wliole entire push — 
 The only Blossum on the busli. 
 And if Yu don't get your sihare (ov it, • 
 Yu ar not in it just a littel bit. 
 
 Luv iz the only Oshun that hits the shore — 
 The only Pehe that'z ripe forevur more, 
 It'z the only Btar that jems the sky, 
 And enabels evury thing to liv and fly. 
 
 It iz the only Wing that noes how to soar, 
 And fan the fleecy Idonds forevur more; 
 It'z the only Bom for evury ake and pain — 
 The only Bain that kan revive the Flowurs agen. 
 
 It iz the only Rong that kan rehe the Hart— 
 The only :Muzik that thrils the Soul, 
 And without it evury thing wud soon depart, 
 Ful ov Ititturneis and dethly kold. 
 
 It iz the only Flowur hooz biity and purfume 
 Wil evur pleze the ie and sooth al Harts, 
 For it iz an Eturnel BridJ that spans al Doom, 
 And rainboes the Soul wen it departs. 
 
48 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 It iz tlie only ^Morning that liaz no Nile — 
 The only le tliat kan se beyond the Grave ; 
 The only Wing that nevur tires by flite, 
 And the only Flag that wil alwaes wave. 
 
 In fakt, it iz the only Bnbbel on the kream- 
 The restles Soul-seed ov Immortality; 
 The Mind's evurlasting Hart-dream 
 That imklouds and pnrfnmes Etiirnity. 
 
 HIZ TALENTS. 
 
 Littel Joplin Jasi^ur Ja, 
 
 Woz a frekeld knntry kid 
 
 Hoo luvd to romp and pla, 
 
 But hated a book from lid to lid. 
 
 He also dislikd evnry kind ov wiirk, 
 And at evnry thing wnd shnrk. 
 Until hiz parents wur in clespare, 
 And to the teheiir did deklare 
 
 That littel Joplin woz a hopeles kaee, 
 And entirely devoid ov enny grace 
 That wud entitel him to a place, 
 Az a membur ov the Human-race; 
 
 But the telieur did lafingly reply, 
 And advizd them at wunc to go and try 
 Sum good Frenolojist, and wen frenolojizd. 
 Tha wud noe wethur he had talents that kud be 
 utilizd. 
 
AIAK'.S roB.MS. 49 
 
 So tlia sent for the great Prof. Gra, 
 Hoo disknvurd Jopliii'S talents I'ijlit awa. 
 ''Wy, he'z a iialliiiiel born liar," the Prof, sed, 
 '"And iz also an oratnr from foot to hed, 
 
 And in the fcdde ov politikel aksluin 
 Pie wild be a great attrakslinn; 
 So I'd advize xu to dn al vu kaii 
 To make the lad a kongresman." 
 
 So tha got him "Twenty Years in Kongres," by 
 James (\. Blane, 
 
 The "Kongreslmnel Kekiii'd" and nthur things in- 
 sane, 
 
 And aftur reading the "'Furst Battel" thru 
 
 He soon ''kant on" and nn just wot to du; 
 
 So to the Jenurel I\ranajur's offises he did repare, 
 And soon returnd with menny pases in his kare, 
 Wih he uzd to travel the kuntry al o'ur, 
 -Vnd make "pi'()S]Knity" speehes galore. 
 
 Hiz rize woz now rapid and swift, 
 For he survd hiz mastui's wel, 
 And for thair gold uzd e^ury gift 
 In advancing thair koz ov hel. 
 
 He wore fine klothes and attended the shoes, 
 And prezided at Sunda-skool the pepel to fool; 
 But aftur awile he lost his gile, 
 And al ov his welth in seeking his helth, T 
 
50. AIAK'S POEAIS. 
 
 And at last he died forsaken and poor, 
 
 And in the Pottur's felde did rot; 
 
 For the kcrporashuns rememlbnrd him no more, 
 
 Wen beyond thair snrvis he liad got. 
 
 So let this he a lesun to yung and old, 
 To not liv alone for sordid gold, 
 For if yu dn so wen yn kum to di. 
 The wnrld wil frown and pas \n by. 
 
 THE VOTING FOOL. 
 
 Az long as 3^1 vote the Foxes' tiket, yu poor fools, 
 Tha wil own yu and ride yu az thair wurking- 
 
 mules ; 
 So if yu want to be fre and konsume al yu produce, 
 From the Foxes' i)arty yu must evur brake loois; 
 
 For long az yu vote the tiket tha want yu to vote. 
 On your poor tired baks the Foxes yu'l hav to tote. 
 Havn't yu sens enuf, poor sill,y Flies, 
 To noe that the^ wily Spidur only lies. 
 When he invites yu witli apparent zest 
 To dine with him az liiz onurd gest? 
 
 Hiz "frendship" iz only appetite for fly. 
 And if yu ar foold by isuh 'blarny yu wil shurely di. 
 And find sepulkur in hiz stumik wher yu'l dijest, 
 lusted ov dining in hiz ''^parlur" as a "gest." 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 51 
 
 And so it iz with the tliiiikles wurkin^; mules 
 Hoo holliir and vote for the Kih Men's hired tools; 
 Insted ov eiijoyino" Freduni, Prosperity and uthur 
 
 good things, 
 Tha endure Slnvuiv and Povurty's Inttur stings. 
 
 Kan't yu se, poor stupid wurking kattel, 
 That if yu ar foolish and wiked 
 Enuf to vote the Foxes' deseptiv tiket, 
 Yu'l hay to fite thair ekonomik battel? 
 
 And wile tha enjoy the kool and quiet shade, 
 Yu wil be toiling in the hot and furvid sun; 
 And bekoz tlia profes a luv for yu that wil uevur 
 
 fade, 
 Yu ar just hezzoampur enuf to beleve them, yu silly 
 
 wun. 
 
 In fakt, yu don't dezurv enuy bettur fate 
 Than to be thair evui'lasting slaves, 
 If yu hav no more sens within your pate 
 Than to be suh mizurabel jakas naves. 
 
 WELKUM, GOOD TEHEUKS. 
 
 The brite and l>utiful teluui's arc kuming. 
 And things. edukashunel wil soon he ahuming; 
 For wen tha al get togthur and koninienc 
 Slinging thair wizdum it'z just awfuly immenc. 
 
 Ov al the good and uceful kreehurs 
 
 In this dark and wiked wurld ov ours, 
 
 Nun kan kompare with the skool teheurs. 
 
 In rhair nobel wiirk ov developing mentel powur's. 
 
52 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 It iz surtenly most no'bel and grand 
 To develop the Mind and make it expand, 
 And fil it with wizdnm the nioist sublime, 
 That wil he nceful in euny klime. 
 
 I welkuni theze mentel artizans to our town, 
 And I hope no wun wil here be found 
 Hoo wil be diskurteus or unkind 
 To theze tranurs ov the yuthful mind. 
 
 For 4 weeks tha Avil study and hammur awa 
 At Arithmetik, Jeog'rafy and Aljebra, 
 Jestronomy^ Fiziolojy, Elokushun and Hijene, 
 Sj)e]ing, Sivil-Guviinnnent, Peanuts and Ice Kream. 
 
 Tha ^^■il hay a jolly good time wile tha sta, 
 Eting and drinking and flurting and plaing kroka, 
 Until tha hav squondurd al ov thair kash 
 For hats and dreses and boarding-hous hash ; 
 
 And then tha wil silently pak 
 
 Thair littel old dusty grip-sak, 
 
 And most quietly and niournfuly roam 
 
 Bak to thair dearly beluved old home. 
 
 Wher for nine niunths with vigor and vim, 
 Tha wdl lik Charly and Harry and Jim, 
 And tehe Mabel and Nellie and Jen, 
 Until next vear wen tha wil be with uf? agen. 
 
 THE FADING WILD WEST. 
 
 The wild fre life ov the Gloiius West, 
 Woz by al ods tbe sweetest, the greatest and best; 
 For thare al woz nachurel and evurniore fre 
 Az the sunset-Flow'urs and wild hunnv-Bee. 
 
MAK'S POEMvS. 53 
 
 And thoze Ik^o ]uiv tried the oksident-life in the 
 
 least, 
 Wil neviir be sntisiirMl with tlie selfish and dollnr- 
 
 markd East, 
 Wher iz worn the stif wite-shiirt with its Icollnr 
 
 so hi. 
 The hi-heel-slmes and ntlnir thinji's ov that Ivind, 
 And the mizurabel korsets with wih tha try 
 To make tliair waist az naiTO az ihair mind. 
 
 The hi silk-hat, the siii'aret and dndish ie-i>las, 
 The toothpik sluies and nthnr aboniinaslnins jialore, 
 Maketh the kow-bov from the wild bnnhgras, 
 Feel sik and tired from hiz lied to the floor. 
 
 The ji'reed ov the ''Paleface" haz chanjd it al, 
 And kozd hiz Red-brnthur to fale and fol, 
 And the pikchuresk Elk ond the timid wild Deer 
 Soon realizd that thair end woz near, 
 Wen the "Paleface" kame oviir the slope 
 With hiz six-shootnr, l)i;Li' saddel and rope, 
 Lookina: for the Prarric-chiken. Pnffalo and fleet 
 Antelope; 
 
 'Twoz then the last prarrie denizen iijave np al 
 hope, 
 
 Bade adu to the foot-hils and bnnh,o;ras ov the sun- 
 set West, 
 
 And prepared for thair rest in Nachur's kind brest! 
 
54 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 A fii Jakrabits and Kivotes ar left to roam 
 The 'biinhgras and foot-hils ov thair feral home; 
 But tliair Doom iz surten and tlia soon wil fale, 
 For the gTeedy ''Paleface" iz onto thair tralel 
 
 Farewel, Wild West, adios, adii and good-bye, 
 For thy past glories the Kow-boy wil evurmore si ; 
 And unles he finds sepnlkiir within thy brest. 
 Bad dreams wil disturb hiz Eturnel rest! 
 
 THE BUZAED and KAPITELIST. " 
 
 The Buzard soars grandly agenst the placid sky, 
 And fans the fleecy klouds with tireles wings; 
 But he'z only looking with keenest ie 
 For a karkas or utliur rotten things. 
 
 Az lie iz tu lazy to produce wot he wants to ete, 
 He iz satisfied to liv on rotten meat. 
 And az soon az the poor animel's spirit haz fled, 
 This vultchur feasts upon the putrid ded; 
 
 And ^io it iz with the Kapiteliists lioo liv alone for 
 
 greed — 
 Tha hav fine wings and soar lii with speed, 
 But az tha du not produce 
 The things tha want for uce, 
 
 Tha ar alwaes looking for a chanc 
 
 To rob the pokets ov Labur's pants, 
 
 Until tha hav exploited them ov al tlia'v got. 
 
 And then tha leve them alone to die and rot! 
 
MAK'S POEMvS. 55 
 
 HUK FA€E. 
 
 Tliare iz witliiii my Mind a place, 
 Sakred to sum lost and trazhiird face, 
 And altho the years rol on and by, 
 The memory ov that face wil nevar di. 
 
 Al thru the da it iz evur in my sijht, 
 And thru my dreams it flits at nite, 
 And like sum elfin Fairy on the wine,-, 
 I kan evur hear it laf and sing. 
 
 I luvd hur furst and best oy al, 
 And ^vile our luv woz at its hite, 
 Old Kruel Deth gave hur a kol, 
 Wuu bleak and dark Decem'bui- nite. 
 
 But in my Memory she wil evur ]iy, 
 And thare hur Soul with mine unites, 
 And al the wurld kan nevur giv 
 The plazhur ov thoze dreaimis at uites. 
 
 DETH. 
 
 O, tel me, I pra, witliout fnrthur d(da, 
 Wot iz this dredful thing tha kol "Deth?" 
 Iz it but the ending oy this mortel kla — - 
 The glazing ov ies — the lak ov breth, 
 Or iz it the Dawn ov an Eturnel Da 
 That haz no Nite? I fain wud noe, 
 That I ma be rijht wile onward I go! 
 
56 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Iz it the spreding ov pinyiins to soar, 
 
 Or iz it the folding- ov wings forevur more? 
 
 Iz it our last look — an Eturnel farewel, 
 
 Or iz it only a Door leding to Heven or Hel? 
 
 Iz it an Eturnel Antum wher al iz Nite, 
 Or iz it an Evnrlasting Spring wher al iz Lite? 
 Iz it only a Dreamles Sleep Avher nnn wil weep, 
 Or iz it an Endles Life nnsorroed l)y strife? 
 
 Iz it only the Darknes ov Etiirnity^ — 
 
 That Vast and Voieles Forevur, 
 
 Or iz it the Dawning ov Immortality — ' ^ 
 
 The Mind's evnrlasting Hart-Dream? 
 
 Iz it only a bonndary-line between tlie Past and 
 
 the Prezent, 
 And aftnr we kros it we'l find things more plezent ; 
 Or iz it Eturnity's soft Lethean Stream, 
 Hooz dark, placid wottiirs wil end evury Liiv- 
 
 Dream? 
 
 Iz it only a Stranje Twilite, 
 Wher we kis thoze that we luv "good nite !" 
 A Gethsemane wher al harts must brake. 
 And thoze that we luv forsake? 
 
 Iz it only a Stranje and Shaddoy Shore 
 That Life's warm wotturs wil worsh no more; 
 Or iz it a tranquil lake wher al wil take 
 The baptizm ov Immortality wen tha awake? 
 
MAK'S P0P:MS. 57 
 
 Or iz it odI}^ a Dark Kiviir tliat al must swim 
 To rehe that Heveu wlier the lites are iiiidim, 
 And wher our frends and luvd wuns await, 
 To greet us with joy at the "Golden Gate?" 
 
 Me thinks it Destrukshuu, and altho it iz sad, 
 It iz impai-shel to al — both the good and the bad ; 
 And AVY it haz evur bin thus kruelj iso, 
 The greatest and smolest ar unaibel to noe. 
 
 Yes, it iz only a Stranje Sweet Sleep, 
 From will our ies wil nevur more ope; 
 So it iz foolish to wurry and weep, 
 And waste our lives with a uceles hope. 
 
 Bat purhaps it iz best 
 
 Ihat this Stranje Sweet Eest 
 
 Sliud kreep into our ies. 
 
 And koax from al harts thair akes and thair sies,. 
 
 For then nun kan disturb; 
 
 And az it'z the only refuje from al trubel and kare, 
 
 I am glad that it fols to evury wun's share. 
 
 FAREWEL. 
 
 And now I wish yu al a larj & kind farewel, 
 And hope that you wil di a plezent detli ; 
 And if yu'l abolish the fear ov God & Hel, 
 Yu wil be happiur with evury breth. 
 
 Abolish Interest, Rents and Profits, and then al 
 
 strife 
 Wil soon disappear from Human Life; 
 And if yu wil get togethur and ko-opurate, 
 Luv and Happines wil take the place ov Hate. 
 Oktobur 20, 1901. 
 
58 - MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 DON'T WAIT. 
 
 The man hoo sits down and waits for a "good 
 
 chanc/' 
 Wil hav plenty ov patclies on hiz pants; 
 Wile the kus hoo gets out and hustels a fu, 
 Wil wear silks and satins and dimunds tn. 
 
 So get out and hustel around, 
 For miljnns ov good things ar in wait, 
 And with a littel efPoit kan be found 
 In qu'ontities both isinol and great. 
 Don't wait for sum kow to bak up to vu, 
 And kindly offur up hur milk, 
 For that lazy wa wil nevur du. 
 If yu want to wear the finest silk. 
 
 Yu ma not have muli sens within your pate, 
 But pursistent husteling urly & late 
 Wil akkomplish wundurs in time. 
 In this or enny uther klime. 
 
 DON'T WURKY & FRET. 
 
 Don't wurry and yurn and fret, 
 Foi" the things yu kan nevur get, 
 P^or it iz a great waste ov vitel-welth, 
 And iz very hard .upon the helth. 
 
 The things w-ithin rehe ar the best aftur al. 
 For the greatest az wel az the smol ; 
 So don't yurn from morning til late in the nite, 
 For the sun and the stars insted ov lamp-lite. 
 
AIAK'S POEMS. 59 
 
 If yon liav no wiugs with will to fly, 
 Don't yurn to soar awa up hi, 
 But keep near the urth botli nite and da, 
 And yu'l be far happiur in evury wa. 
 
 If yu kan not swim like a fish du not keep 
 Yurning- for a life on the osliun deep ; 
 And if yu kan't sing like a Nitengale sweet, 
 Don't tr^ your voic on thoze yu meet. 
 
 If yu kan't afford strawberries and fried oysturs 
 
 evury da. 
 Turn to prunes and sowbelly without dela; 
 And if wines and shampanes ar beyond your ranje, 
 Milk and wottur wil not taste so stranje. 
 
 If 3^our wife skips out and leves yu far behind, 
 Don't waste enny time lamenting the disgrace, 
 But hustel around and you wil quikly find 
 Sum wun that'z bettur to take hur place. 
 
 If yn hav dun your best and stil yu fale, 
 Du not despare nor ^^eep nor wail. 
 But komly kliml) sum uthnr tre. 
 And yu'l soon find the frute ov viktury. 
 
 THE WIFE. 
 
 Wot iz bettur than a luvly wife, 
 To meet yu at your kal3in door 
 And kis awa your kares and strife, 
 Wen vu'r feeling tired and sore? 
 
60 MAK'S POEAIS. 
 
 It iz a joY id kloze ov da, 
 
 Wen your drudjful wiirk iz dun, 
 
 To wend your weary wa 
 
 To suh a luvly wun, 
 
 Hooz smiles so brite and ga, 
 And kises dear and sweet, 
 Soon drive your frowns awa 
 And make your liappines komplete. 
 
 With hur hiving arms around you, 
 And luir kises on your face, 
 She iz liappy and yu're bound to 
 Be the happiest on the place. 
 
 So, be good and tru and kind, 
 
 And nevur koz the teers to rehe hur ies, 
 
 And she wil luv yu and yu wil find 
 
 A wife the greatest jem beneath the skies. 
 
 A KANSAS ROMANO. 
 
 "Twoz on a brite tind kloudles suinmur da. 
 
 And awa bak in >\ray ov 1893, 
 
 That Klarenc Elmore met Elsie Gra — 
 
 A Kansas maiden ra^oist SA^-eet and fair to se. 
 
 He liked her from the very start, 
 And she woz just az fond ov him; 
 So tha wur seldum much apart, 
 Az thaii' kup woz ful up to the brim. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 61 
 
 He liivd hur up wnn side and down the utliiir, 
 And slie luvd him bettnr than hur mutliur; 
 And luving thus the summur quikly pasd awa, 
 And stil tha luvd ehe uthur bettur evury da. 
 
 The soft, warm daes ov Septobur soon oozd awa, 
 And the naiburs began to tok and squeal. 
 For tha saw no preparashuns for a weding da, 
 And to Elsie's foMiui- did appeal. 
 
 The dreanw haze ov Nov. had only just begun, 
 When the deturmind and irate popi^a Gra, 
 With an old and rusty dubel-barrel gun, 
 Steerd them to a ministur without dela. 
 
 Thair hunny-moon woz short and breefly ebd awa, 
 For tha had bin a swift and nauty pair, 
 And skare 3 munths from thair weding da, 
 Poor Elsie produced a little female eir. 
 
 And thus thair ronianc ended in despare, 
 The same az menny anuthur unslo pair. 
 For tha wur very "fly" and nu it al. 
 And that'z wot kozes theze gies to fol. 
 
 MOREL : 
 
 Nevur go up agenst a game that yu don't noe how 
 to pla. 
 
62 ■ AIAK'S POElMS. 
 
 QUESTCHUNING the BUTTUKFLY. 
 
 O ! Buttiirfly, sweet kreclinr with hevenly wings, 
 Kuin lite on my lingnr and tel me sum things; 
 Tel me thy life and withnr thou'rt going, 
 Elding evury Sonthwind that softly iz bloing? 
 
 Wot iz the sekret ov thy wnndurful joy, 
 And thy brite wings wih yu only employ 
 To wok thru the soft bonimy air 
 And pla with the flowurs so fair? 
 
 And wher did yu get suli ^^■undul•ful ies. 
 With al ov the tints ov the sunset skies? 
 And suh gaudy kullurs I realy deklare. 
 For klothes, ar shurely most selduni and rare! 
 
 Yu seem a Bohemien and luv to rove 
 Thru the feldes and meddoes and kool shady grove, 
 And evur in surh ov the shy lit tel flowurs. 
 With hoom yu spend nearly al ov your hours. 
 
 I nevur wil hurt yu, sweet krecliur so ga. 
 
 So kum and se me most enny old da; 
 
 And ma your short life be happy and brite. 
 
 And ful ov the things that ar good and alrijht. 
 
 HUNTING & FISHING. 
 
 It iz mean and kruel to sa the least. 
 To slautur the burds and harmles beast. 
 And thoze rethes hoo luv to shoot 
 And destroy the poor lit tel burds. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 63 
 
 At meanur than eiin^' savaje brute, 
 
 And kail not be propurly kondemd with wurds I 
 
 The idel, uceleis and dekadent Rih 
 Konsidur it "rare old sport'" at wih 
 Tha kan begile the h)ng and tejns time, 
 By praktising- thi^" sensles krinie; 
 >.A.iid altlio it iz endorsd by nearly al men, 
 It iz a krime that no ^lorelist kan defend. 
 
 Wot rijt haz ]Man — the selfish fool, 
 To thus ignore the good old "Golden Rule," 
 And sla hiz fello-krechurs for pastime, 
 And then kol it "sporf insted of krime? 
 
 Iz he a speshel pet — a favurite, and Nachur's only 
 
 eir, 
 To murdur al uthur krechurs living in hur kare? 
 Tha al hav the same rijht to life as we, 
 And Liburfy to them iz sweet az 'tiz to thee; 
 
 So we shud not kil nor imprizun them for fun. 
 But shud trete them kindly to the smolest wun ; 
 And thare iz no exkiiee for eting the flesh ov brutes. 
 Wen we kan get Yejetabels, the (iraiiis, the Nuts 
 and Frutes. 
 
 Humans wil nevur be sivilizd and cece kiling uthurs 
 Until tha trete al krechurs az fello-bruthurs, 
 For Kindnes and Justis liav evur bin the sourc 
 Ov evury uplifting and sivilizing fore; 
 So, if you wild klimb Sivilizashun's laddur very hi, 
 Yu must be kind and just to al beneath the sky. 
 
64 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 A HAWKIE ANEJEL. 
 
 Ida Sifnris iz w\u\ ov lowa'^ littel guTls 
 Hoo iz very brite and altogetliur sweet, 
 And sibe don't waste miib time upon liiii' kurls, 
 For sbe wild I'atbur wiirk tban ete. 
 
 Altbo ,sbe iz littel and bur feet ar kold, 
 Yet sbe'z wurtb bur wate in yello gold, 
 And the man boo gets bur for biz wife, 
 Wil sburely be bappj al biz life. 
 
 Sbe iz good from bur hair down to bur toes, 
 And bur bart iz big and warm and kind. 
 And bur face iz sweet witb a pritty noze — 
 Az wun wud wish to see or find. 
 
 If she didn't wear cbikens and ete korsets so, 
 And sas Di*. Mak behind biz bak, 
 Hur wings wud quikly gro. 
 And to beven she'd fly bak. 
 
 But unlike most female mortels sbe 
 Haz very fu folts that I kan se, 
 And altogetliur she realy iz 
 A sweet littel krecbur ful ov biz. 
 
 NITE 1'IME. 
 
 The dizmel Kriket iz luisbing the Wurld to rest, 
 And the erie Katydid iz diding hur best, 
 Wile the yiing Jak-Rabit with keenest zest 
 Iz wfftbing the Wip-poor-AVil bilding hur nest; 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 65 
 
 But the old Toppa IJaltit with tlie assified ear, 
 Iz diiiiifi' sum ka])uis most amaziugly queer, 
 Wile the old (Ira ]J;it with the iinhaird tail, 
 Iz eting' sum cheez l;e fouud iu a pail. 
 
 And while the Soi;th\viiid with its dreamy sooth 
 Iz warming the ?\ite for the old and the yutli, 
 The weird KiyoU with his keli)iiied skreeh, 
 To the lim])id old ^loon iz trying to prehe. 
 
 And the goblin :)1<1 Owl with hiz Elfish bazoo, 
 Kekturs tlu^ Moon with hiz Eldrith ''too hoo !" 
 And the swift tlyiug Bat with the face ov a Nome, 
 Darts at the Pussy that'z wonduring from home. 
 
 And the fragrant old Skunk is out for a roam. 
 Looking for chikens to take to hiz home; 
 And the littel Tre Tode like a Brownie or Sprite, 
 Singetli a vespui' wenevur it'z Nite. 
 
 And the ghoulish Hyena with tlie spektrel bed 
 Now prowletli about in surli ov the Ded; 
 And the trehnrus Xite Hawk with ies ov the Deil, 
 Skimeth the klouds in surh ov a meal. 
 
 And the sly littel Fox v^ith the bushy big tail, 
 Iz prowling for chikens and turkys and qnail, 
 Wile the lazy old Bed Bug so brown and so flat, 
 Iz seeking for thoze hoo are jucy and fat. 
 
 The Theevs and I>urglar'S now leveth thair lair, 
 And with thair tools and lanturns and talents so 
 rare. 
 
66 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Tha sally forth, and aftnr etiiig and drinkinjjj 
 
 awile, 
 Tha kraketh snni "krib" to replenish thair pile. 
 
 And the brite littel ^tars with thair twinkling 
 
 t winks 
 Make plenty ov lite tov the Skeetuis and Minks, 
 And the Litening Bug with hiz lanturnd kaboos, 
 Floteth aronnd like a Worlok riding a goos. 
 
 And the dreamy old Moon — the Lanturn ov Nlte, 
 Now floateth on hi to illuinine the sky, 
 And dueth hur best from the East to the West, 
 To furnish a lite so niello and brite. 
 
 And the Luvurs ar fond ov the shaddoy Nite, 
 For then tha kan rambel and spoon out ov sijht; 
 And altho the Parents ma objekt with al ov thair 
 
 mijht, 
 Yet the vuni> wuns wil gloam wenevur it'z Nite. 
 
 A MISSOUKI JE.Al. 
 
 In littel Wurth kounty, Mo., thare dwels 
 Mis Josie V. Morgan hoo'z wun ov the bels; 
 She haz Nodawa lips and Grand-rivur ies, 
 With a (irallatin noze tliat'z enormus in size. 
 
 She'z a skoolniam and so luvly and sweet. 
 And good from hur lied klear do\\n to hur feet, 
 And the man hoo gets hur for hiz dear littel wife, 
 Wil shurely be haiipy the rest ov hiz life. 
 
MAK'S POEAIS. 67 
 
 She kail telle Xellii^ and Mabel and Jen., 
 Just az wel az the best (jv skool-inen, 
 And with liur furnines and knraje and Wil, 
 Kan ezily subdu the \vi blest Harry or Bil. 
 
 In the Snnda-skoul she iz a shinini>- lite, 
 That shineth on both da and nite; 
 For she liivs to help hnr Saveynr with hiz wurk, 
 And hnstel for the prehenr like a littel Tnrk. 
 
 At Kepnbliken rallies she kan du Inir part 
 To brake the poor old Deniokratik hart, 
 And fil the wild-ied Pojis with dire disgust. 
 And trail the Prohildsh'nn baiinnr in the dust. 
 
 Altho she'z a Methodist with feet so kold. 
 And at hart a Kepnbliken hoo iz aAvfnly sassy, 
 Yet she'z wurtli hnr wate in guvnrnment gold, 
 And iz altogethnr a sweet littel lassie, 
 
 She kan kook with both hands and nevnr brake 
 A dish, an eg, or spoil and burn a kake. 
 And kan ezily chu gnm on eithnr side, 
 And kan shoot and fish and sing and ride, 
 
 And soe karpet-rags with lioth hnr feet. 
 And rite a fist that'z hard to beat; 
 But "wher she looms up best ov al, 
 Iz kapchuring harts — ^both great and smol. 
 
 8he kan pra and shoo the fiies. 
 And make the skeetur.s skeet. 
 And kount the stars up in the skies. 
 And kook a meal that'z fit to ete. 
 
68 xMAK'S POEMS. 
 
 The wa slie liaz sasd poor Dr. Mak, 
 The "Bogie Man" ot to trale on hur trak 
 Until he kathes hur sum darksuni nite, 
 And then wpank hur with al hiz niijht. 
 
 If vshe didn't wear ehikens and ete korsets so, 
 And sas poor Mak botli morning and nite, 
 I think hur wings wud quikly gro, 
 And bak to heven she'd take hur flite. 
 
 Unlike most of the vain and silly gurls, 
 She don't waste muh time upon hur kurls; 
 But iz ful ov vigor and vim and realy iz 
 A dear littel krechuv ful ov good and biz. 
 
 And from the very begin ing ov our start. 
 She quikly kapchurd my poor old hart, 
 And pourd it ful ov a stranje, wild fire, 
 That maketh it hump like the Burlington flyur. 
 
 O, she'z the only bubbel on the kream, 
 And hur fothur's iiope and pride, 
 And now she iz a poet's theme, 
 Hoo wants hur evur by hiz side. 
 
 Now, I must "ring of" pritty, konsidurably quik, 
 
 Or jiVl think I am realy luv-sik, 
 
 And laf at me al up in your sleev, 
 
 And uthur obi things tliat maketh me greev. 
 
 So, for the i)rezent, 1 must bid yii farewel. 
 And I ho])e yu'l be happy wherevur yu dwel. 
 Until Obi >Viskurs chaces yu up the Morning-Glory 
 Vine, 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 69 
 
 AA'her I noe that yu A^dl oMv find 
 Sweet Lethe and Etnrnel Rest, 
 Wih, aftur al, iz shurelv the best. 
 
 HOPE. 
 
 Hope iz the Star Iiooz shining lite 
 Dispels the g'looni from evnry nite. 
 And keeps onr feet rijht on the wa 
 That we shnd tred both nite and da. 
 
 It iz the Inkandescent ov tlie Mind, 
 And long az it holds ont to burn, 
 The gloomiest pes.simist kan alwaes find 
 A flowury path for hiz return. 
 
 But wen this Soul-lite flikurs ont, 
 Al iz darkest gloom around about, 
 And like a ship without a sail, 
 We are doomd to sink and fail. 
 
 Hope iz a Biidj that si»ans al Doom — - 
 A Sun that drives the Nite awa. 
 And wile it shines thare iz no gloom. 
 It maketli evnry thing so'brite and ga. 
 
 So keep it shining brite and klear, 
 And nevnr let it tiikur nite nor da. 
 And then yu need not have a fear 
 Ov evnr geting lost along the wa. 
 
70 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 A STONELES PEHE; 
 or, 
 Wiii'tli Hiir Wate In Fried Unyuns. 
 In old Kartliaje, Mi^^soiiri, tliare dwels 
 Mis Ella ^I. Fagin, lioo'z wnn ov tlie bels; 
 She haz a face fnl ov "Deni (loo-Goo les,'' 
 And a noze that iz butiful in size. 
 
 She iz niedinni in hite with a yurnfnl face. 
 And a tignre most i>raceiul and neat, 
 And iz fnl ov mnzik, atfekshnn and grace, 
 And Avud make a fat man's life komplete. 
 
 She'z a INInzik tehenr and kan tehe 
 i\Iost enny instrnment within linr rehe, 
 And when she swipes the fiddel with the bo. 
 The darnd old thing haz got to hnmp and go! 
 
 For she iz a Maistnr and haz a tnh 
 Most deeply sweet and deftly trn, 
 And yu'l like hnr plaing very mnh, 
 Wen wunc she'z plaed for yu. 
 
 And hnr fingurs hav the powur 
 To koax melodies most weird and divine 
 From the ■Mandolin, Banjo and Gitar, 
 For al hnr plaing iz very fine, 
 
 O! she iz a Strawberry, a Pineappel and a Pehe — 
 Blakberry-Rrandy, h^ri('(l-Oystnis and Toast-on- 
 
 Quail, 
 And Mnzikel-lMnzik she kan pla and tehe 
 With'ont a hith or lim]), i\ brake or fale. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 71 
 
 She inovd to Kansas vcar-' ago, 
 And witli the kuiitiy tri(Hl to gro; 
 P»nt foiitid that state so ded and slo, 
 That bak to Old ^lissoiiri h]\p had to go. 
 
 And now anmnii Karthaje's sheeted Ded 
 She haz kast Inir lot and ]>itchd hiir tent, 
 And wile" tehiMng inuzik at so nuih a hed. 
 She tind^ hai)])ines and seems kontent. 
 
 She haz a kin<ll_v. strong and forcfnl face 
 That kan plan and exekute with ezv grace; 
 And ma she ahvaes find snkses and no revnrses, 
 Ar the wishes fi'oni the Anthoi- ov theze vurses. 
 
 KOOPI'KASHl'N IZ THE KE. 
 
 Az we'v only a short littel life to liv, 
 And then ovur the Slope we*l go, 
 It iz far l)ettnr to evnr giv 
 To al nthurs an a(|uol slio. 
 
 Az Kindnes and Justis ar the soni'C 
 
 Ov al that'is good in hiiinan life, 
 
 We shnd praktis theze, of koni's. 
 
 And then thareM be no bittnrnes & strife; 
 
 Bnt Hnnians ai' foidish d'onkeys hoo beleve 
 
 It iz rijht to make al nthnrs greev ; 
 
 And thare motto haz evnr bin: "(Jet al yn kan," 
 
 Bv taking advantaje ov cvnrv man. 
 
72 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 So, from North to t^oiitli and Itlast to West 
 Tha praktis Greed with keenest zest. 
 And skin ehe iithnr in eviirv wa, 
 Until life'z a hel both nite and da. 
 
 How niuh bettur it wud be for al, 
 If we nevur tiied to make elie utlmr fol, 
 But helpd al uthiirs az brutliurs shud 
 To shun the evel and lind tlie good. 
 
 If we want peac and liappines komplete, 
 We must al ko-opurate ajid not kompete, 
 For wen we help ehe uthur al we kau, 
 Thare'l be peac and i)lenty for evury man. 
 
 KA:N!8AvS. 
 
 O, Kansas! thou Queen o\ the states, 
 Hooz skies ar so kloudles and fair, 
 Thou art a Jakurkrak and going the gaits 
 Nese.«*sary to astonish the \\urld and get thare! 
 
 Thy klimate iz a mixtehur ov Italy and Dakota — - 
 A kros between La'l)rador and ^lexiko, 
 And the whole wurld yurneth for thy foto — 
 Thou art suh an al fired hezzeampur kurio. 
 
 In the mornings Thou kansi liav idiill)lanes and icy 
 
 suo. 
 And in the afturnoons jtriklyheat with musketoes 
 
 on the go; 
 And Thou maest liav blizzards ov dust that'z hard 
 
 to beat, 
 And an hour latur it requires a boat to kros the 
 
 street. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 73 
 
 In Jan. and Feb. Thou kaiist plow and need, 
 Wile in June and July a sno iz on thy mead. 
 Thare ma not be a kloud nor zefur in the sky, 
 And a miuet latnr a siklone iz pasing by. 
 
 Thou mae.st not hav rain for 10 years or more, 
 And then for 19 daes a week it wil flo and pour; 
 And thy krops (save liars) ma fail for menny years, 
 And then agen wun stolk nsa bear a 100 ears. 
 
 Thou hast produed evury thing from Potato Bugs 
 
 and iSunflower Weeds, 
 To Wisky, Insanity, Prohibishun and lawles-deeds; 
 And thou has al the vices from a '':\rassaje-Trete- 
 
 meut" and a Sigaret, 
 To Kompound Bigamy and the Pokur ov thy Lejis- 
 
 lativ-set. 
 
 Thy Statesmen hav al died or moved awa, 
 And thy Politishens ar korrupt az the very Diel, 
 And hav decevd thy pepel both nite and da. 
 And wud sel thair Souls for a pottaje-meal. 
 
 Thy Lawyurs, Ministurs and Editoriel kru 
 
 Ar Avorshipurs ov Mannuon and liars tu, 
 
 And then tha go to church and prate ov tfhe "Golden 
 
 Rule,^' 
 Bekoz it bettur enabels them thy pepel to fool. 
 
 Thy Bug-houses ar ful and ovurfloing. 
 And yet the poor loonies keep on going; 
 And likewize thy pens ar ful up to the top, 
 But thy krop ov krime duth nevur stop. 
 
74 AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Thou hast tried to abolish with prohibitory h^ws 
 'i hy saloons and iiliiur evels without removiiii? thair 
 
 k(>z. 
 And ttf kours, Thou hast met with dire defeat, 
 Most hiiiiiiliatinji;, ovurwelniino- and komplete. 
 
 Az '^prolits" ari(] ''k(!in})etishun" ar the koz ov evnry 
 
 krime, 
 In this az wel az eviirv ntliur klime, 
 Thon must fnrst abolish tliem — both root and branh 
 And then no wnn wnd w<;iit to rnn a "boozing-" 
 
 ranh. 
 
 Thon hast evni bin strivinii' to rche the top 
 
 By drifrino- (h)wnward without a stop, 
 
 And hast bin swiinini>' the rivnrs to aA'oid the rain, 
 
 And inkreeinji tlie kozes ov al thy pain, 
 
 And then wnndnreth >\ a- Thon ^^■eepeth and si. 
 
 And ar tso rapidly Ji'oing inisiane ; 
 
 Thou hast even tried to oet out ov det 
 
 By borroing inore niunny, and yet 
 
 Thou hast taken morfene to kure the Opiuiu-habit, 
 And uthur things most stranje and funny! 
 And we al noe it and noe it quite wel, 
 That Thou art trying to relu^ heven by raizing liel! 
 
 Thou art the home ov kranks and freaks ov evury 
 
 kind, 
 And within thv sun-kised bordurs wun ma find 
 
AlAK'S POEMS. 75 
 
 Evury thing save Wizdum and Rijhtnsnos, 
 
 For Thou mistakest thy foolishnes for \Yizdnni, aiii! 
 
 unles 
 Thou cecoth to refjard Ihy krimes az Sivilizashiin. 
 
 Thou art al doomd to hel an<l damnashiin! 
 Thou movest in a (]ueer and niysterius wa, 
 And wot thv next move wil be, Clod liiinself kau't 
 
 tel; ' 
 
 But Thou art share to make a ,u;;and displa, 
 And most likely raiz sum Hel ! 
 
 O! Thou art a Pehe, Strawberries and Fried-Tce- 
 Kream, 
 
 And thy krazy antiks make the nashuns skream ; 
 
 But Thou karest not a dam how muh tha laf. 
 
 And wilt kontinu lo laiz hel and worship the Gol- 
 den Kaf! 
 
 Thy maidens ar s^^■eet and pritty — 
 And also butiful and witty. 
 With happy faces and sunny hair, 
 And hands and fet both bio- and neat, 
 A kombinaslnin tliat'z ratlnir rave; 
 
 Tha ar ful ov enurj}^, pluk and vim, 
 And noe how to kapchur the wildest him, 
 Tha kan make ha, tehe ►skool or komly prehe, 
 And smash the ''joints" within thair rehe. 
 
 If Thou wudst only praktis the '^Golden Rule," 
 Insted ov uzino- a hatehet like a krazy fool, 
 And treted ehe utbur az bruthurs shud, 
 Yn'd soon be happy and feed i no- o-ood; 
 
76 MAK'S I'OEMS. 
 
 Yu sliud al koopiirate and not kompete, 
 And ehe shud help liiz binithurs along, 
 And then your happines Avil be komplete, 
 And your lives a jolly song. 
 
 And yet, poor Old Fossil, with the mossy bak, 
 And suh odly, krazy, kranky waes, 
 Thou ha,st menny vurchues thy sisturs lak. 
 And for thoze I giv Thee al my praze; 
 
 But with al thy folts I luv Thee stil, 
 
 And alwaes hav and evur wil; 
 
 So, aurevoir, adios, farewel, good-bye and adoo, 
 
 And ma you be happy iz my prar for yu. 
 
 MY FETHURD PASHENT. 
 A littel burd wun summur morn 
 Kame lluttnring in my offis door, 
 It woz al wet and so forlorn 
 It kudn't fly nor sing no more. 
 
 It had wondnrd awa that summur da 
 And got beyond its shelturing nest, 
 Wen a storm aroze and with fury bloes 
 The poor littel wondurur gaily Avest! 
 
 Without enny joking it got a soaking 
 That made it kold and num. 
 And that'z how it kame to be so lame, 
 And unabel to longur hum. 
 
MAK'S rOEAIS. 
 
 But weu I took it to 1113^ buziiin and warmed it, 
 Until it woz dry eniif to sing and fly, 
 It lifted its voic and did gladly rejoic 
 With a sweet hiv-song that ekkoed along 
 Until it rehed my poor old hart; 
 
 And then it ki.^d me a look 
 
 Wile its littel frame shook, 
 
 And started to tiy \\ith a \\istfiil good-bye, 
 
 Bak to its own sweethart. 
 
 I bar misd it for years, 
 And kan yet se it in teers, 
 Az it started to fly and roam 
 Bak to its Invd wiins and home. 
 
 MY TRAZHUR. 
 
 Only a littel bed ov golden hair — 
 Only twu littel ies ov ]nirpel hlu. 
 And a littel voic so sweet and rare 
 Tt thrils me thru and thru. 
 
 This kliny machen so good and sweet 
 Iz my darling littel dautur Purl, 
 And I'd rathur hear the pattur ov bur feet 
 Than al the muzik in the wurl'. 
 
 And wen she klimbs upon my ne 
 And holds bur face agenst my cheek. 
 And fondly luvs and kises me, 
 I am tu happy to even speak. 
 
AIAK'S POEMS. 
 
 A BKUNET ^UNFLOWUK; 
 
 or 
 
 WUKTH HUR WATE IN BALED HAY. 
 
 In Ureka, Kansas, thare livs and groes 
 A sweet littel maiden willi a Gi-eshnn noze, 
 And a butiful nioutli like a krystel stream, 
 In a face more hivl y tlian a Florida dream. 
 
 Mnr ies ar soft and dark and deep 
 Like tiie Andean stars in ]>rimeval sleep, 
 And liiir hair iz a twilite, nimbns brown, 
 On the prittiest hed in al the town. 
 
 She iz medium size, al wool, and petete, 
 
 With a hart that iz evur kind and tru, 
 
 For she'z jiood from hur hed klear down to hur feet, 
 
 Anel iz the sweetest charmnr I evnr nu. 
 
 She haz pritty hands and littel feet. 
 And in hur dres and style iz very neat, 
 And altho she iz realy 'Mt," 
 Ov vanity she hazn't a littel bit. 
 
 If she didn't wear chikens and ete korsets so, 
 Hur win_o:s wud qnikly sprout and gro, 
 And sum brite and warm Beptobur* da, 
 She'd tiike a flite and soar awa. 
 
 She kan trim hats with eze and speed, 
 Ai'd kook and soe with both hands shut, 
 And iz shurely al that enny man kud need 
 To make him hap]>y in ])ahvee or latticd hut. 
 
MAR'S POEMS. 79 
 
 She kiin swim a hors and ride the rivur, 
 And skate the ice without a sMvur; 
 But wher she looms up best ov al, 
 Iz ka])('hnriii<i: harts — hoth jiieat and smol. 
 
 The furst look from hur dreamful ies 
 Jard my Soul loos from shore to shore, 
 And tild my hart with yurnful sies 
 That wil make it hump forevur more! 
 
 She iz my ow n Ideal — my dreamy Dream, 
 My hart's dezire — my Soul's ice kream ; 
 And if I kud hav hur for my wife, 
 I'd want nuthing- else in al this life. 
 
 So, aurevoir, adios, adoo and goodbye, 
 For your sweet charms I evur wil si. 
 And if I nevur sliud se yu agen — farewell 
 And ma yu ])e happy wherevur yu dwel. 
 
 GOODBYE. 
 
 Go bak, sweet Pikchur, and silently return 
 To the wun for lioom my hart dutli yurn. 
 And tel hur that I hav gawn ; 
 And in the twilite-pui'pel-dawu 
 Ov Time's onkuming- and stoples years, 
 I h()])e that she wil sumtimes think ov me 
 And forgiv my folly, if folly it kan be. 
 For having luvd wun so good and pure, 
 \Mtli a luv that wil alwaes endure. 
 
80. MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 :\IY rURPEL DEE AM. 
 
 If J liad the wiirld's dimunds 
 And a] its sordid g:oId, 
 r>iit had to £>;iv up y\i, my dear, 
 My hart wnd .soon be kold. 
 And al my life a weary drear. 
 
 .Vnd if I had al the stars 
 And setles suns that evur shone, 
 And al else within the univurs. 
 And had to looz yu, mine own, 
 Tha'd only pruve a bittur kurs. 
 
 But if I only had yu and nuthing more. 
 My sweet-pet-luY — my only Dream, 
 The skies wud nevur dark nor Iper, 
 And pebels wud hav the dimund's gleam. 
 
 AKT KINDLY AND DU RIJHT. 
 
 Upon this littel paje I rite 
 A fu stra lines to sa. 
 That if yu wil alwaes du rijht, 
 Yu'l be happiur in evury wa. 
 
 For evury unkind akt 
 
 And al ignobel deeds 
 
 Wil soon relentlesly re-akt 
 
 Upon yourself like poizund weeds. 
 
 Evury Bad akt wil leve a skar 
 Upon your mind and brane, 
 That wil forevur hurt and mar 
 Y.->ur konshene with a twinj ov pain. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 81 
 
 KiiKlues iz a sweet piirfiiiiie 
 That emanates from nobel minds; 
 11 wil dispel the thikest gloom, 
 Or ennv iithnr klouds it finds; 
 
 So, be kind and cheerfnl in al yu sa. 
 And nevur kontemplate nor du 
 A hateful akt in enny wa, 
 To hurt yourself and uthurs tu. 
 
 AWA OF YONDUR. 
 
 To that far of hazy Yondur 
 
 My Mind duth often wondur, 
 
 And thare duth reyel like the Devel, 
 
 In a dreamy, mystik pondur. 
 
 'Tiz thare beneath an eyur purpel haze, 
 That Memory luys to dream alone. 
 And re-liy the ded and happy daes 
 With thoze it need to kol its own. 
 
 And here by sum wild and restles stream, 
 My Soul duth eyur long to rest and dream 
 Ov purpel ies that need to speak to mine 
 With a wild luy-lite that woz diyine. 
 
 In that Dreamy Yondur trubels ce€e, 
 And tired souls kan find delishus rest; 
 For thare a stranje, sweet tranquil peao 
 Kises the ies and hart oy eyury gest. 
 
82 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 THE TWILITE. 
 
 O, Sweet and dimfiil Twilite! 
 
 The noizles harlbinjur ov l^ite — 
 
 The Hart's purpel yurn-time — 
 
 The Soul's Pacifik klime, 
 
 The mello le-Brow ov Mte, 
 
 Thy strauje sweet Solitude 
 
 Iz the Soul's delishus manua-food. 
 
 The dreamy Soutliwind ov Eturnity 
 Wafted the jumis ov Immortality 
 To thy womb, from wenc 
 Soul-Yurns wur born 
 To evur dream thy purpel haze, 
 In stranje, sweet tranquil waes. 
 
 Benethe thy dreamy skies 
 Al harts find peac and rest, 
 And looz thare akes and sies 
 In Lethel Dream-sleep 
 Upon thy pulsles brest. 
 
 'Tiz here and now that Memory 
 From the soft and fleeting years 
 Koaxes to the luv-lit ies 
 A baptizm ov Soul-de\y — the teers, 
 To glorify the hart with tendur sies. 
 
 'Tiz here the Southwind with hiz dreamy sooth, 
 Kises the ies ov the Ajed and the Yuth, 
 Until tha kan se from the hites abnv, 
 The facets ov thoise tha uced to luv. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 83 
 
 SUM'MUR AND AUTUM OBITUARY. 
 
 The Biitiful Summnr with its sweet purfiime, 
 And the Luvly Antuan witli its ptirpd haze, 
 nav both yelded to an icy Doom 
 Brot on hy the Ivold and ^VintlT Daes. 
 
 And az we luvd them witli evnry breth, 
 We now mourn thair Ivruel deth, 
 And hate Old Wintnr with hiz icy hart, 
 For making onr frends so soon depart; 
 
 But Old Wintur wil also hav to di, 
 And like the uthurs meet hiz Doom, 
 Only no wiin wil eviir weep and si 
 Wen Snoey pases up the Flume. 
 
 For al wil be so glad to noe 
 
 That Jentel Spring haz slain our fo, 
 
 And brot the Southwind bak again 
 
 To rezurrekt the Flowurs with drops ov rain. 
 
 LIFE AN INSANE DREAM. 
 
 Al the bllyuns ov pepel hoo ar surjing to and fro, 
 Wil soon hav to quit thair surjing and go 
 Bak to the desolate Silenc ov Nachur's brest, 
 Wher al iz Dreamles Sleep and Eturnel rest. 
 
 But aftur al iz konsidurd I think 
 
 It iz best that al ishud drink 
 
 This fatel draft, for then nun wil komplane 
 
 (^)v the heat and the kold, nor mizurabel pain. 
 
84 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 Life iz only a mizuraJbel stmgel at best, 
 A restles feviir — an insane jest, 
 And aftur a fu breef years ov sorro and pain. 
 We mnst al bekum nnkonshus dust again. 
 
 The rih and the poor — the smol and the great, 
 Ar tinted alike and al must take 
 A retu]-n!t.»; trip down the Rivur ov Fate, 
 An<l a I llioze that tha luv forsake. 
 
 MY DREAM KRAVE. 
 
 Yu ar my own Ideal — my Dreamy Dream, 
 My hart's dezire — my Soul's ice kream, 
 And if I had yii evur by my side, 
 I'd want nuthing else in al this 
 Wurld so wide. 
 
 Y'es, I luv yu with a 
 
 Luv that haz no Nite — 
 
 A luv that W'il gi'o britur 
 
 With Time's eturnel flite; 
 
 It purfumes my Soul and blossums in my hart 
 
 A dethle-s Dezire that we shud nevur part. 
 
 It iz a luv that even smiles at Deth, 
 And wil out-liv this fleeting breth 
 Koled life, and on down the st:ar-lit iles 
 Ov Eturnitv it forevur lafs and smiles. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 85 
 
 It woz born in the twilite 
 
 Krave-Kavurns ov my Soul, 
 
 And wil hav nuthing to du with 
 
 Deth's infurnel Silent Kold,. 
 
 But wil bekum an Evurlasting Dawn 
 
 That wil twilite on Forevur, 
 
 And then out-last itself. 
 
 AKROS THE YEARS. 
 
 I se a sweet Face akros the years, 
 And it evur seems to hekun me, 
 Az tho it \vur in dredful fears 
 Lest I shud not find it in Etumity. 
 
 It iz alw^aes near me thru the daes. 
 And mngis my peacful dreams at nite, 
 And wispurs sweetest luv to me alwaes, 
 That fils my soul with fond delite. 
 
 If it only misd its vijil for a nite, 
 I realy kud not sleep nor rest. 
 For I luv tliat Face with al my mijht. 
 And now it iz my only gest. 
 
 It luviS to koax my Memory bak — 
 
 Al thru the ded and bygawn years, 
 
 And dream along sum long forgotten trak, 
 
 Wher we i:-cd to idly roam 
 
 By the brooks so far from home. 
 
 But happy az the burds and deers. 
 
86 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 And t'lieu it lecles me thru sum mossy del, 
 Wher, in tlioze happy-daes ov yore, 
 We ncd to dream alone and fondly tel 
 Elie utlnir hiv- tales by the skore. 
 
 We wnr so happy then and ucd to sing- 
 Only ov the blis that Luv kan bring. 
 And in our ekstacy ^and feral gle, 
 We nevur dreamd ov deth and mizniy. 
 
 How very kruel it has evur seemd to me, 
 That Deth shnd koz snh pain and miznry. 
 By (Shooting liiz kold and fatel darts 
 Into twu .^nli kind and happy harts ! 
 
 I noe it iz liceles to yurn and dream. 
 And bivwak a\ ith the Voicles Ded, 
 But az it iz only then I get a gleam 
 Ov my lost darling's face and hed, 
 
 I shal kontinu to vizit hur in my sleep. 
 For then we kan liv life o'ur again, 
 Amung the old hils and vallys so deep — 
 Evur fre from al sorro and bittur pain. 
 
 NUTHTNO TO BE THANKF,UL FOR. 
 
 Thare ar milyun^s ov pepel toda A\lio'r sad, 
 Al ovur this wurld ov profit and greed — 
 Souls hoo kan not he thankful and glad, 
 Bekoz ov siknes and direful need. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 87 
 
 Tlia liav toild both iirly and late, 
 
 And did thair best in eyury wa, 
 
 But siknes and poviirty ar now thair fate, 
 
 And in rethednes tba liv from da to da, 
 
 Tha bav rekd and ruind tbair belth 
 By an insane strngel and strife 
 To prodnee an abnndeue ov weltb 
 Tbat goes to sns-tane the Parasite's life. 
 
 Al ovnr this \\nrld and in evnry klime, 
 Human history iz a rekord ov suffurino- and krime, 
 And yet the fo(d.s bav not sens eunf to noe 
 That the koz ov al thair trubels liere belo 
 
 Iz thair infurnel Profit sistem ov sordid gane, 
 That turns evury wun agenst biz TDnithurs, 
 And makes liii.^ life a battel-felde ov pain, 
 By forcing ebe wuu to try and beat the uthurs. 
 
 How muh bettur it wud be for ebe and al. 
 
 If we wud ko-opurate and not kompete, 
 
 FoT then no wun kud gane by mnking uthurs fol. 
 
 And the bappines ov al wud be komplete. 
 
 If no wun kud gane enny thing by going astra, 
 No wuu wud eAur travel that downward wa; 
 But long az pepel kan nuake a. profit at al 
 By making ebe uthur fale and fol, 
 
 The history (^v the race wil evur be 
 
 A rekord ov krime and mizury. 
 
 Wherein a fu wil bav muh to be thankful for. 
 
 Wile the meunv wil l)e viktims ov the Profit-wor. 
 
88 MAK'vS POEMvS. 
 
 Wot in hel iz "Hel?" I'd like to noe. 
 Iz it a place to will the "bad wuns" go — 
 A place ov "etiirnel torment" 
 To will "sinours" wil l>e sent? 
 
 So the klerjj lel iis with fendeiish gle 
 That in "Hel*' we'l roast thru Eturnity, 
 If we du not bow down to them quit^e lo, 
 And g'lv them al tlia want wile here belo. 
 
 Sientists hav' surhd in vain for "Hel," 
 
 And tha noe it iz a prestely sel. 
 
 Whereby thoze roges du greatly gane. 
 
 By thretening thair dupes with fire and pain. 
 
 How moiLstrns it iz to even think 
 That a "Supreme Being ' wud evur make 
 A lake ov Itvimstone for us to drink, 
 And boil im forevur in suh a lake ! 
 
 "Hed" iz but a prestely game. 
 
 And exists alone in name — 
 
 A sort ov s'ixshootur uzd by prestes 
 
 To rob nnmskulis hoo hav'nt the sens ov beast-s. 
 
 "HeP" haz no cxistenc in al the univurs, 
 Save in ignorant minds Avher al iz nite. 
 And a littel thinkinr/ wil soon dispurs 
 
 That prestely fantum and set yu rijht. 
 
 L.eFC * 
 
MAK'S POEMS. ^^ 
 
 OUR KABUR'S HEN. 
 
 That plagy Old Hen akros the street 
 That helon!?s to our nabur Brown, 
 Skrathes my garden ^sith al hiir feet, 
 For she'z the meanast hen in town. 
 
 She'z the wurst old huzzy in al the land, 
 And wen she sallies forth to skrath. 
 She kan just simply heat the band 
 Tearing up :i garden or flowur patch. 
 
 I hav often tried to kil hur, 
 And with ,shot did often fil hur, 
 But suh jentel hints she did ignore, 
 And only skrathd my garden more. 
 
 At last mp pashenc had run lo. 
 But stil the huzzy skrathd awa. 
 For she had no idea and did not noe 
 That it woz hur laist and finel da; 
 
 For that same brite and moony nite, 
 [ gave the old reth a farewel boost. 
 By exploding a stik ov dinamite, 
 Rijht up klor,e benethe hur roost. 
 
 \nd wen I hurd the dinamite explode. 
 And saw Old Skrathy abaft the Milky Wa, 
 Thare lifterl'from my mind an awful load 
 That had borne it down for menny a da. 
 
90 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 FAREWEL, DEAR BRUTHUR. 
 
 Hiz hart woz broken witli greef — 
 Hiz Soul woz flld with a blak despare; 
 So he opend the door and sawt releef 
 In Deth's dark shaddoy kare. 
 
 Purhaps it iz best that he found this rest, 
 For now he iz fre from al trubel and kare; 
 For most ov this life iz nuthing but strife, 
 And Deth wil at last be evury wun's share. 
 
 No storms nor trubels kan rehe him now — 
 
 No sorroes kan deepen the rinkels upon hiz brow; 
 
 For he haz pasd beyond the rehe ov pain, 
 
 And hiz rest wil be Eturnel 
 
 In the narro o:rave wher he iz lain. 
 
 Upon hiz grave the tlowurs wil <j:ro, 
 And o'ur hiz tomb the burds wil fly, 
 Wile awa up hi in the blu jemd sky, 
 The stars that he luvd wil twinkel and ^\o. 
 
MAK'S POEMS. 91 
 
 THE LAAVS OV HELTH. 
 
 Eviiry wan lioo iz iiiturested iu heltli shiid send 
 and get my great littel book, the Law)S ov Helth. 
 This littel book wil plainly tel yu Avot the laws ov 
 helth ar and how to oba them. By folloing the 
 plain and simpel instrukshuns in this book enny 
 wnn kau soon restore hiz helth and remane wel the 
 remaindnr ov hiz life. It wil save yn al siknes 
 and doktur bils hereaftur. Al Disezes and Weak- 
 neses ar kozd by violating the laws ov helth, and 
 the only wa yn kan get wel and be free from snf- 
 furing, iz to oba theze laws ov helth. Of konrs, yu 
 kan't oba them until you noe wot th'a ar; bene, the 
 great nesessity ov having this book. It wil du 
 for the whole famly. It givs my tretement for al 
 Disezes and Weakneses and Bad-habits. The kop- 
 tents ov the book ar kondensd undur 32 chapturs, 
 and iz the latest and best book on helth in existene. 
 This book wil save yu 25 pur cent on the kost ov 
 your living, and wil save 50 pur cent on houiS wurk:. 
 The price ov it iz only |10, but I wil send wun 
 kopy ov it to enny wun hoo haz "Ekkoes From 
 the Hart,'' for |2. Addres al ordurs for it to 
 
 Dr. K. W. MAK, Denvur, Kolorado. 
 
92 MAK'S POEMS. 
 
 MENTEL DINAMITE. 
 
 "Mentel Dinamite" iz my masturpece, and iz the 
 hotest thiDg that evur sizeld. Tr kontanes most ov 
 mv ikonoklastik, sarka-^tik, sovshelistik and relijus 
 and umiirus ritings. Its objekt iz to bio al folc and 
 fogy beleefs out ov the mind, and thus klear the 
 mentel soil for good, heltliy and 20th Century ideas. 
 It wil make the Old Fossils squrm out ov thalr 
 aneshent and mossy shels into the sunlite ov rezun 
 and kommon sens. Hene, its titel — "Mentel Dina- 
 mite." It kontanes 600 chunk® ov mentel dinamite, 
 and wil jar Fplehood, Injustis and Humbugury of 
 thair thrones. It woz ritten espeshely to jar pepel 
 loos from thair supurstishuns, and it iz warranted 
 not to fale unless the viktim dies before he haz read 
 13 pajes ov it. This iz the furst and only wun ov 
 my books that kontanels a tnie biografy ov my re- 
 markabel self and my extraordinary kareer, and az 
 this biografy woz ritten by myself during wun ov 
 my lucid inturvels, I asishure yii that it iz painfuly 
 and thrilingly korrekt. I have not spared my-self in 
 the least. This biografy iz the most remarkabel 
 tbing that woz evur ritten, and it alone iz wel wurth 
 the price ov the book. Price only fl. Sent piost pre- 
 pade to enny addres. 
 
 Addres: Dr. K. W. Mak, Denvur Kolorado. 
 
AIAK'S POEMS. 93 
 
 Note. — Dr. Mak iizes the Fonetik or Eeformd 
 Speling, for he diiz not beleve in speling wurds 
 wun \va and pronouncing them anuthur wa, just 
 bekoz a man by the naone ov ''Webstur'' woz foolish 
 enuf to du so. Viy shud we prirpetchuate Web- 
 stur's mistakes? 
 
 In tliis new sistem ov orthogTafv tliare ai* sum 
 wurds that lean not be reformd without making 
 dlffurent wurds out ov tlieni; e. »., "hour.'' Soon 
 az yu leve of that silent h, it bekum's the pronoun 
 "our.'' In this new sistem the wurds peach ar 
 chanjd to pehe, preach — prehe, teach — ^telie, each — 
 ehe, off — of, of — ov, two — twu, too — tu, eye — ie, 
 guess — ges, (g is pronouncd "'•gay.'') girl — guri, 
 leai'ned — lurncl, loved — luvd, shoe — sliu, shows — 
 shoes, woman — wuman, women — wimen, eight — - 
 ait, heir — eiir, water— wottur, write — rite, right — 
 rijht, lose — ^looz, businesis— blznes. Pronounc the 
 wurd az it sounds and yu wil get it alrijht. In 
 this new siistem I uze fthe vurb "lie" only wen speak- 
 ing ov prevarikating, and not wen speaking ov 
 reklining. The folloing wil nuake it klear: 
 He laeis on the floor, He Lade on the floor, 
 Tlia la on the floor, Tha lade on the floor, 
 He haz lain on the floor, Tha hav lain on the floor. 
 He iz laing on the floor, tha ar laing on the floor. 
 The siame with inanimate objekts or pursonifled 
 
 O'bjekts. 
 He lies, he iz Ijing, tha li, tha ar lying, he lied, 
 fha lied, he haz lied, tha liav lied, he iz a liar, tha 
 ar liars. For furthur informashun on this and 
 grammatikeil su'bjekts, se my grammur. 
 
94 INDEX. 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Paje. 
 
 AVy I Kite Poetry 5 
 
 Fonetik Speling 6 
 
 A Mutliur's Liiv 7 
 
 Adam and Eve 7 
 
 Lonely 8 
 
 Life's lioad 8 
 
 Al les Look Alike 9 
 
 Mentel Kiduns 9 
 
 Greed 9 
 
 Purhaps 10 
 
 Empty Ki'istmas Trees 10 
 
 Kriiel and Imparsliel Detli 11 
 
 Reminiscent 11 
 
 Kindues 12 
 
 The Old and The New 13 
 
 The Wizilumles Stiuiiel 13 
 
 The Fox and (Miikeu 14 
 
 Wy 15 
 
 Konshene 16 
 
 Dream Faces 1() 
 
 Reoret 17 
 
 A Trehurns AVnman and Ilur Fate 17 
 
 That Old Kat ov Ours 18 
 
 Ketrospekshnn 19 
 
 That Littel Lam Agen 19 
 
 Life 20 
 
 Soon 20 
 
 The :\rutluir-In-Law 21 
 
 Only Flurtino- 21 
 
 Nachnr's Poem 22 
 
 Ynrninii' 23 
 
 Sad, Bnt Trn "^3 
 
INDEX, 9^ 
 
 Paje. 
 
 Happy Spring Time 24 
 
 Tlie Arkansaw Wa ^J 
 
 Dreamy Dreams ^ ' 
 
 Mankind ^1: 
 
 Littel Hazel and Hur Kat '^^ 
 
 Hallusinasliuns ^l 
 
 A '95 Predikshun ^ ' 
 
 Human Kannibelizm ^^ 
 
 Kevenj ' „ 
 
 Mv Advice *^' 
 
 The Krnel Sno ^^ 
 
 The Stranje Tale ov A Frekel 40 
 
 If • • . • ^^ 
 
 The Moist End ov Jimmie O'Toole 42 
 
 The Romano ov Nellie O'Feel 43 
 
 Wild Flowurs ^^ 
 
 Etnrnitv .■■;■; 
 
 Only A Farmnr's Dantnr; or. Sunset Behind A 
 
 Ohiken Koop |^ 
 
 Hur Wnndurf ul les |^ 
 
 Lnv 11^ 
 
 Hiz Talents *^ 
 
 The Voting Fool 2 
 
 Welkum, Good Teheurs ol 
 
 The Fading Wild West 5^ 
 
 The Buzard & Kapitelist -54 
 
 Hur Face 2^ 
 
 Deth 5^ 
 
 Farewel '^ * 
 
 Don't Wurry & Fret 58 
 
 Don't Wait • ^^ 
 
 The Wife ^^ 
 
 A Kansas Romano 6^ 
 
 Questchuninp; the Butturfly ^2 
 
 3 
 
90 INDEX. 
 
 Paje. 
 
 Hunting & Fishing 62 
 
 A Hawkie Anejel 64 
 
 Nite Time 64 
 
 A Missouri Jem 66 
 
 Hope 69 
 
 A Stoneles Pehe; or, Wurth Hur Wate in Fried 
 
 Unyuns 70 
 
 Ko-opurasliun Iz the Ke 71 
 
 Kansas 72 
 
 My Fethurd Paslient 76 
 
 My Trazhur 77 
 
 A Brunet Sunflower; or, Wurth Hur \A'ate In 
 
 Baled Hay 78 
 
 Good Bye /. 70 
 
 My Purpel Dream 80 
 
 Akt Kindly & Du Ri jht 80 
 
 Awa Of Yondur 81 
 
 The Twilite 82 
 
 Summur & Autum Obituary 83 
 
 Life An Insane Dream 83 
 
 My Dream Krave 84 
 
 Akros the Years 85 
 
 Nuthing To Be Thankful For 86 
 
 Hel 88 
 
 Our Nabur's Hen : 80 
 
 Last Farewel, Dear Bruthur 00 
 
MA^ 1 
 
 2 1902 
 
MAY 12 19Q2 
 
bfAl- 
 
 Pl 
 
 I! I II <ft 
 
 020 994 510 1