PS 3 S3 7 
 ESWS 
 
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 WAR DEPARTMENT 
 
 SERVICE EDITION NUMBER 8. 
 
 WHEN DANNY CAME 
 MARCHING HOME 
 
 A Farce in One Act 
 
 BY 
 EDGAR SELWYN 
 
 The use of this piece by courtesy of its Author. 
 
 Copyright, 1918, By Edgar Selwyn 
 
 WASHINGTON 
 
 Commission on Training Camp Activities 
 
 Department of Dramatic Activities Among the 
 
 Soldiers. 
 
 1918. 
 
 *kmc~% * 
 
 i 
 

 
 
 SEP -9 1918 
 
 D 503ll 4 ^ 
 
 
"WHEN DANNY CAME MARCHING HOME." 
 
 Their Names 
 Mrs. Harrington, 
 Norah Flannigan, her cook. 
 Dennis O'Hooligan, a Warrior Lover. 
 Terry Pitt, a Policeman. 
 
 TIME — One Spring Morning. 
 PLACE — Mrs. Harrington's kitchen. 
 Scene — The kitchen of the Harrington home. 
 Box set with door at back. Right leading to 
 street and door back left with two steps lead- 
 ing to house. Between the doors is a large cir- 
 cular opening, admitting large furnace or 
 stove, square in appearance and divided in 
 centre, making the right portiort for the fire, 
 and that on the left, an oven, sufficiently 
 large to admit a man's body. Above the right 
 portion a huge boiler or tub, generally used 
 for boiled unwashed linen, and also large 
 enough for a man's body. 
 
 Down left, which is painted to represent 
 the various kitchen utensils, or racks, etc., is 
 a large ice box or refrigerator, with cover 
 open and sufficient edge on outer 9 end to use 
 as a shelf. 
 
 Down right, is a window, supposed to look 
 out into garden or walk, while the backing 
 to cover r. door and window is similar in both 
 cases and presumably a continuation. 
 
 In centre of stage is table with chair on 
 either side. Chicken, wine, etc., are upon the 
 table at rise of curtain. 
 At rise — Enter Mrs. Harrington from door Left 
 u. (She is very agitated and evidently 
 dressed for the street.) 
 Mrs. Harrington, (in front of table to win- 
 dow) Norah! Norah! Where is that girl? (Goes 
 to window) Norah! 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Raps on window) There 
 
 3 
 
 i 
 
you are. (Goes up to door right and throws it 
 open.) Quickly, Norah, but a moment, (to r. c.) 
 
 Norah. (Appears at doorway, carrying pail 
 of water in one hand and a letter in the other) 
 Yis, mum, I'm cooming. (crosses to ice box.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. I'm going out. Mr. Har- 
 rington is waiting for me now. Is everything 
 ready ? 
 
 Norah. (Placing water below refrigerator) 
 Yis, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. You really must get the 
 washing out and the kitchen cleaned, and above 
 all things, don't forget Mr. Harrington's lunch. 
 You know how particular he is about his lunch. 
 
 Norah. (to l. c.) Man's weakness, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Mr. Harrington's weakness, 
 certainly. There's the wine, two bottles. Have 
 you two? Yes, that's right, and the chicken. If 
 anything happened to either, Mr. Harrington 
 would go off his head, and you know what a 
 frightful temper he has, Norah. 
 
 Norah. Haven't I tasted it, mum? But you 
 needn't fear. I'll put it all in the box and have 
 it all fine and dandy fer ye. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. That's right. What have 
 you there, Norah? 
 
 Norah. Where? 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. In your hand; it's a letter. 
 
 Norah. I dunno — but it is 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. For me? 
 
 Norah. I think not, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Who's name is it? 
 
 Norah. The name is on the letter, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Reading) Miss Norah 
 Flannigan. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington, (crosses to l.) I don't ap- 
 prove of your receiving letters from men, Norah. 
 
 Norah. 'Tis only men that can write a decent 
 letter, mum. 
 
 4 
 
 V 
 
Mrs. Harrington. I'm afraid you're incorrig- 
 ible, Norah. 
 
 Norah. (talking r. ) No, mum, I'm Irish and 
 proud of it. (Whistle is heard outside.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Who is that? 
 
 Norah. (Startled) Terrance. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Who? 
 
 Norah. (r. c.) I said — is he in front of the 
 terrace? 
 
 Mrs. Harrington, (crosses to window. Look- 
 ing out ivindow) It's the policeman. I wonder 
 what he wants? 
 
 Norah. A policeman is where he's never 
 wanted. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Oh, do be careful, Norah. 
 It was only the other day Mrs. Warner lost all her 
 valuables because of her cook's flirtation with a 
 policeman. 
 
 Norah. I hope you are not insinuous in your 
 meaning, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. And you know we've had 
 such queer characters about lately. 
 
 Norah. Never fear, mum. I'd like to see the 
 impudent Bobby as would dare tip his cap to me. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. One can't be too careful. 
 
 Norah. You can rely upon me with imprud- 
 ence, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. I'm going now. (Crosses 
 left ) Get the fire started and have the water hot 
 and boiling before we get back. 
 
 Norah. Everything is ready, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. That's all, I think. Yes, 
 I'm sure that is all. 
 
 Norah. Good-bye. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Going to door l. and back) 
 And the chicken — the wine. Put them away — 
 in the refrigerator. 
 
 Norah. (Taking chicken to ice box) (Doing 
 so) Yes, mum. 
 
 5 
 
Mrs. Harrington. And be very careful about 
 strange men. Good-bye. 
 
 Norah. Good-bye. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. You won't forget. 
 
 Norah. No, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. I've made it all clear, and 
 the linen. Boil the linen well. Oh, dear, I will 
 never be ready and Mr. Harrington waiting all 
 this time. I'll lock the house door — I have such a 
 fear of burglars. You won't forget anything, 
 Norah. 
 
 Norah. Divil a bit. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Good-bye. (Exits door l.) 
 
 Norah. (To c.) You're welcome. Forget, is 
 it? Sure, I've enough to do without trying to 
 forget. (Looks at letter on table) It's from 
 Denny. Who, but Denny would think of sending 
 by the post. (Reads address) Miss Norah Flan- 
 nigan. (Opens it) My Darling Norah. God 
 bless him. It's your Denny that's telling you, 
 we're ordered home. (Startled) Ordered home — 
 (Reads) Aboard the "Silver Cross" — and like as 
 not I'll be holding you in my arms before this 
 reaches you. Holy Murther! He's coming home. 
 Mebbe he is home. Oh, Denny — Denny 
 
 j\ 7 orah. (Whistle heard outside. Crosses to 
 window) Terry — sure, what's Terry to me be the 
 likes of Denny. (Whistle again) Go on — blow 
 your fool brains away — and stay away — I want 
 none of ye — my Denny is coming. (The door r. 
 is opened cautiously and Terry pokes his head in.) 
 
 Terry. Norah! I say, Norah 
 
 Norah. Terry, ye divil. 
 
 Terry. Is the coast clear? 
 
 Norah. She's gone. 
 
 Terry. (Crosses to } c.) I know. I saw them 
 both go — the master and the missus. I fancy 
 'twas the master — he's a soldier, ain't he? 
 
 Norah. Every man is a soldier now — an' what 
 
 6 
 
can I do for you, Mr. Pitt? 
 
 Terry. Mister Pitt — Oh, come now, give me a 
 hug and a kiss. (Embraces.) 
 
 Norah. (Turns from him) I'm busy. 
 
 Terry. So am I — but it doesn't affect my af- 
 fection. (Going to her affectionately) Welcome 
 your own Terry. 
 
 Norah. (Pushing him away) Divil a Bobby 
 can make me forget me maidenly modesty, be- 
 sides, I've an allegiance. 
 
 Terry. What in thunder is that? (Sits on 
 table.) 
 
 Norah. Ye need ejication, me man — it means 
 owing something to something. 
 
 Terry. Then I'm well educated. I owe more 
 than I can pay. (Going to her again) You're a 
 fair flower, Norah. 
 
 Norah. Stop your disturbance. I've all them 
 clothes to wash, and dinner to get ready — go 
 home. 
 
 Terrs. Oh, I say, you're not going to give me 
 the chuck? 
 
 Norah. I'll give you a slap in the face if you 
 don't run away. 
 
 Terry. Which is a woman's way of telling you 
 to stay Where you are. Make yourself at home, 
 Terry — I will — and comfortable — that's easy — 
 what's that? Take off my coat — I was just going 
 to ask your permission — thank you — a sip, and a 
 bite, and Terry is himself again, (He places his 
 coat on chair r., his helmet on table and sits r. 
 of table) I say — isn't there a bottle handy? 
 
 Norah. An' if there was, it wouldn't be for the 
 likes of ye. 
 
 Terry. You're trifling with me, Norah. I'm 
 not a jealous man — but I won't be trifled with — 
 come on — out with it — (Rising.) 
 
 Norah. With what? 
 
 Terry. If it's another fellow — say so — I'll wipe 
 
 7 
 
him off the face of the earth. (Knocks hat off 
 table. Crosses l. to Norah.) 
 
 Norah. (Indignantly) See here, Mr. Terry 
 Pitt — (with meaning on the mister) — I'll have 
 no man — black, yellow or Irish — tell Norah Flan- 
 nigan what shell do, or won't do — I'm as good as 
 I am — no matter what anyone might say — an' 
 to anyone as doesn't think so— there's the door. 
 (Points to door.) 
 
 Terry. (Admiringly) My! What a temper 
 you have got and no mistake — but I wouldn't 
 give that for a woman without one. I was only 
 teasing you — and I likes you all the more for your 
 flow of languages. Don't be angry, Norah, you'll 
 hurt my feelings if you do. (Embraces her) 
 (Sees wine on table) Hello — what's this? 
 
 Norah. (Crosses to r. Seizing it quickly.) 
 Lave things alone — that's the moster's wine. 
 
 Terry. Ain't Terry to have any ? 
 
 Norah. There's a pub on the corner. 
 
 Terry. (Affectionately placing his arm about 
 her) Oh, come now. You've had your fling. 
 
 Norah. (With mock resistance) Release me, 
 sor. 
 
 Terry. You know you're fond of your Terry. 
 {Kisses her quickly.) 
 
 Norah. How dare you insult a defenceless 
 woman ? 
 
 Terry. (Complacently) It takes a Bobby to 
 coax a pretty girl. 
 
 Norah. Ye coward — there's no resisting ve. 
 (Kiss.) 
 
 Terry. That's the ticket — and now that his 
 soul is fed — Terry should like a bite for the other 
 post. (Denny is heard singing "Soldiers of the 
 Queen") Hello! Who's that? 
 
 Norah. (To window and back) The saints 
 defend me — it's him. 
 
 Terry, (l. c.) Him? (Jealously) And who 
 
 8 
 
is him? 
 
 Norah. (r. c.) Who else but him ? 
 
 Terry. (Crosses to r., followed by Norah) 
 Woman — you have deceived me — you admit it — 
 him and me will have it out. 
 
 Norah. (Restrainingly) No — Terry, no. 
 
 Terry. Away — you snaky Cleopatra — the blood 
 of fighting generations runs madly through my 
 veins — my ancestors are looking down at me. 
 
 Norah. (l. c.) But you'll not be 'tempting 
 murther and making me lose my place. 
 
 Terry. How can that be? When he's nothing 
 to do with it. 
 
 Norah. Oh, surely, Terry, he's the moster. 
 
 Terry. Oh, come off — not the moster? 
 
 Norah. Oh, but it is. 
 
 Terry. Why, I saw him ride off. 
 
 Norah. He's coming back. Please, Terry, be 
 off with you. 
 
 Terry. (Crosses to r. of table. Patting on 
 coat) I've no mind to fight with your moster, 
 but it's rough on a chap to go — just when he's 
 got cozy. 
 
 Norah. (Crosses to r.) Quick, Terry. 
 
 Terry. It won't do for him to catch me here. 
 I'd lose my job. 
 
 Norah. Oh, hide, Terry — hide. 
 
 Terry. Hide — what for? 
 
 Norah. He'll murther ye. He's dotty beneath 
 the hat, and he always carries a loaded revolver. 
 (Crosses to l.) 
 
 Terry. Holy smoke 
 
 Norah. (To Terry) If ye love me, Terry, if ye 
 love your own life, hide. 
 
 Terry. That's all very well, but where's a fel- 
 low to hide? 
 
 Norah. (Glances about desperately) Here — 
 in the box — jump in quick. (Opens box.) 
 
 Terry. (Over to Norah) A representative of 
 
 9 
 
 i 
 
the law in there — never 
 
 Denny. (Outside) Norah — Norah Acushla. 
 
 Norah. He's mad with rage. In here quick, or 
 I'll not be held to answer for him. (Pushes him 
 bodily in.) 
 
 Terry. Well, it's not that I'm afraid of him — 
 but a crazy man with a gun is dangerous, and it's 
 again' the law. 
 
 Norah. (Puts cover down) Yes, yes, in with 
 you. 
 
 Terry. (Up in box. Clambers into box) Take 
 his revolver away and I'll do the rest. 
 
 Norah. Hide your face. (Terry disappears as 
 Denny enters door right) The saints look down 
 and save me. (Sits on box) Denny! (To c. — 
 meets Denny.) 
 
 Denny, (r. c.) Norah! Norah! Me darlint — 
 an' is it yourself? (They embrace) Ah, Norah — 
 You're looking sweeter than the month of May — 
 All smiles and blushes — are you glad to see me — 
 (looking at box) What's the trouble, darlint? 
 Can't you speak? 
 
 Norah. (l. c.) I — I have a lump in me throat. 
 
 Denny. Bless me for that, Norah. 
 
 Norah. How you've grown ! 
 
 Denny. I have 
 
 Norah. Your face is redder. 
 
 Denny. It is 
 
 Norah. And your hair 
 
 Denny. Is worse — a combination of hot sun 
 and salt air has made it rusty. (Terrance lifts 
 his head from box and views matters threaten- 
 ingly.) 
 
 Norah. (To bach of table) Sit down, Denny. 
 Business. 
 
 Denny. I'll make myself comfortable first. 
 (Takes off hat and holster and lingers on revol- 
 ver.) 
 
 Norah. (To Denny — restraining him) Don't 
 10 
 
point it this way — it might go off. 
 
 Denny. Don't be scared, Norah. I know how 
 to handle the best gun ever built. Sure, I can kill 
 a man at 200 yards. (Terry bobs down with 
 crash) What the divil was that? 
 Business. 
 
 Norah. I heard nothing. 
 
 Denny. It's the long sea voyage as makes me 
 hear and see things. 
 
 Norah. You're tired out. Sit down and talk 
 to me. (Puts him in chair and sits herself.) 
 
 Denny. Ah, Norah, mine — ye were always 
 thoughtful for your Denny. I'm a bit hungry 
 and could stand a bite of something. (Denny is 
 left of table and Norah above table.) 
 
 Norah. I am forgetful, sure. Of course, you're 
 hungry. (Going to ice box.) 
 
 Denny. (Stops Norah.) (Rising with her) 
 Where are you going? 
 
 Norah. Just for bread and butter. 
 (Business.) 
 
 Denny. (Putting her down in chair) Don't 
 trouble yourself. I'll get it, and you'll tell me 
 where it is. 
 
 Norah. (Rising) No trouble, Denny. Only 
 to the ice box. 
 
 Denny. (Puts her back) Sit still. I'm big 
 enough to help myself to a bit of bread. (The 
 bread suddenly appears on shelf.) 
 
 Norah. (Rising) I'd rather 
 
 Denny. (Seating her) I insist (She sits 
 
 quietly and Denny turns to box) It's right before 
 my nose. (Takes bread and brings it to table and 
 sits) Now then — fire ahead. 
 
 Norah. Thank ye, Denny. Now tell me about 
 yourself and all about the African heathen. 
 
 Denny. Why, there isn't much to tell — (Stops 
 suddenly.) 
 Business. 
 
 11 
 
 i 
 
Norah. What's the trouble? 
 
 Denny. The butter. 
 
 Norah. The butter? 
 
 Denny. I've forgotten the 
 
 butter. (Butter 
 
 suddenly appears on shelf.) 
 
 Norah. (Rising) Let me get it for ye. 
 
 Denny. (Rising. Puts Norah down) 
 quiet. 
 
 Norah. 
 
 Denny. 
 
 Sit 
 
 (Rising) I've a reason for it. 
 Keep your reasons. (Puts her down) 
 And I'll get the butter. (He turns and sees the 
 butter) That's strange — I didn't see that before, 
 Norah? 
 
 Norah. (Rising) What? 
 
 Denny. Do I see the butter before me? 
 
 Norah. Ye do. I always keep it right in sight. 
 
 Denny. It must be the sight of the sea so long. 
 (Takesi butter) But I could have sworn to it not 
 being there. (Seating himself) Now then, we'll 
 talk — It's a joy to be alive and back again. 
 
 Norah. What color did you find the nagurs? 
 (Denny sniffs) What is it now, Denny? 
 
 Denny. Chicken — I smell chicken. 
 
 Norah. No, Denny. 
 
 Denny. I'll swear to it — my scent is keen and 
 I love chicken. (The chicken appears on shelf.) 
 
 Norah. But, Denny, it's for the mistress and 
 I'll lose me place. 
 
 Denny. (Rising) Have no fear. I'll not eat 
 it. I'll feast my eyes upon it. (Turns and sees 
 the chicken) (He rubs his eyes and stares 
 again) Norah — Norah, darlint. 
 
 Norah. (Rising) Yes, Denny. 
 
 Denny. Do you see anything the matter with 
 
 me? 
 Norah. 
 Denny. 
 Norah. 
 Denny. 
 
 Nothing, Denny. 
 I'm here talking to you ? 
 Yes, Denny. 
 
 An' my eyes have nothing wild and 
 12 
 
dilated in thein? 
 
 Norah. No, Denny. 
 
 Denny. Then follow the point of my finger and 
 tell me what you see? 
 
 Norah. (Sits on chair, etc.) (Startled) The 
 chicken. 
 
 Denny. (Goes for chicken. Enthusiastically) 
 Aye, the chicken — the saints be praised — it's all 
 real — and my mind is where it belongs. (Taking 
 chicken) Delicious chicken, Norah. (To table- 
 seated.) 
 
 Norah. (Above table) Ye promised not to 
 touch it. 
 
 Denny, (l. of table) No — did I? 
 
 Norah. Ye did. 
 
 Denny. Then there must be something wrong 
 with me. Now if I only had a bottle of wine. 
 (The wine appears suddenly) (Norah screams) 
 Norah — ( Rising. ) 
 
 Norah. Yes, Denny, yes. 
 Business. 
 
 Denny. (Sees bottle) Hold me tight. I've 
 got the tricks and I see funny things. Have ye 
 a firm hold? 
 
 Norah. I have. 
 
 Denny. (Business of walk) Slowly then. 
 Don't scare it away. Easy — easy, now. (They 
 approach cautiously, step by step, and when with- 
 in reach, Denny reaches out and clutches bottle 
 wildly) I have it. I have it. Do ye mind? 
 (Crosses to r. c.) 
 
 Norah. (l. c.) But it's not for you, Denny. 
 
 Denny. Ah, sure. Who is to know? 
 
 Norah. The missus will know, and I'll lose my 
 place. You'll not see me lose my place? 
 
 Denny. (Putting bottle on table) Divil a bit, 
 Norah. There is no one to know, and it's not to 
 be resisted. 
 
 Norah. You wouldn't be after robbing the 
 13 
 
 j 
 
moster of his one bottle? 
 
 Denny. There's another inside the box. 
 
 Norah. No other. Ye have the only one. 
 
 Denny. (Going to box) Then there's no harm 
 in a peep. 
 
 Norah. (Stops him) Won't you take my 
 word? 
 
 Denny. (To box with Norah pulling him back) 
 I'll take anything that's yours. 
 
 Norah. (Holding him back) No, Denny, no. 
 
 Denny. What's the harm in it? (Reaches in 
 his hand and his face expresses horror.) (Fright- 
 ened. ) 
 
 Norah. Denny ! 
 
 Denny. (Lifting out helmet) Will you be 
 pleased to answer that? 
 
 Norah. How came that in there? 
 
 Denny. (Threateningly) No fibs. (Crosses 
 into centre) I want the truth. 
 
 Norah. (To him) Are you out of your senses, 
 now? 
 
 Denny. Indeed, an' I'm not, an' I'm not the 
 man to be trifled with either. 
 
 Norah. Indeed ! 
 
 Denny. Indeed, and I'm not. The blood of the 
 O'Hooligans is running riot in me veins, and leap- 
 ing to me head. Speak, woman, the truth ! 
 
 Norah. I'll permit no man to question my 
 honor. 
 
 Denny. Then I'll make him a fit subject for an 
 ash receiver. (Seizes gun threateningly) An- 
 swer, woman! Whose is that hat? 
 
 N|orah. The master's. 
 
 Denny. The master? 
 
 Terry. (Bobbing out of box) Aye, the master. 
 You blackguard. I'm master of both of you. 
 (Getting out of box.) 
 
 Norah. (Left) There'll be murther done. 
 
 Denny, (r. c.) I didn't mean any harm, sor. 
 
 14 
 
Here's your chicken and you're wine. Divil a bit 
 is touched. We were only larking, and it's all as 
 good as new. (Putting gun down, offers all he 
 has taken from shelf.) 
 
 Terry. (To Norah) (Who has climbed out 
 from box) You impudent hussy. Destroying my 
 peace for the likes of that. 
 
 Denny. How dare ye abuse a poor girl? 
 Business. 
 
 Terry. Hold your tongue ! 
 
 Norah. Shut up, both of you. I'll have no 
 scandal with either one of you. 
 
 Denny. What? Isn't he the master? 
 
 Norah. Master? I'd like to see anything like 
 that be the master of me. 
 
 Denny. 
 for gun) 
 villain. 
 
 Terry. 
 
 Denny. 
 
 Terry. 
 
 (With renewed courage) (Reaching 
 (Norah stops him) You blithering 
 
 You're breaking the law. 
 I'll break your face. 
 (Both coming together) 
 (Start for each other but Norah 
 Norah. (Business) Peace, ye 
 oust the pair of ye ! 
 Terry. Choose, woman! 
 
 Choose between us. 
 Will ye have a shrimp? 
 
 You shrimp. 
 interposes.) 
 divils! or I'll 
 
 Denny. 
 
 Terry. 
 Denny. ) 
 
 Denny. 
 Terry.) 
 
 Both. 
 
 Or a boiled lobster? 
 
 (Pointing 
 (Pointing 
 
 to 
 
 at 
 
 (Norah. Gran- 
 
 ( Posing ) ( Business ) 
 diloquently ) Choose ! 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Outside) Norah! 
 Norah. (Excitedly) The missus! (Going to 
 window) Get out, quick, both of ye. 
 Suffering angels! 
 Holy Patrick! (They start for door 
 
 Terry. 
 
 Denny 
 right.) 
 Business. 
 
 15 
 
 k 
 
Not that way! She's 
 
 I wish I was out of this. 
 
 (Following Terry to ice 
 
 Norah. (Interposes) 
 coming up the walk. 
 
 Denny. Where else? 
 
 Terry. (To ice box) 
 
 Norah. (To L.) 
 
 Terry and Denny. 
 box) Where? 
 Business, 
 
 Norah. ( Opening oven) Here ! 
 
 Denny. Indeed, and I'll not. 
 
 Norah. If you love me, Denny. You wouldn't 
 see me lose my place. 
 
 Terry. Trust me, Norah. I'll save your honor. 
 (Scrambles wildly into oven.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Outside) Norah! 
 
 Norah. Oh, Denny, please. 
 
 Denny. Where can I go? 
 
 Norah. Anywhere. Here in the tub. 
 
 Denny. Never. 
 
 Norah. Denny ! 
 
 Denny. Indeed, and I'll not. 
 
 Norah. For my sake, and I'll do anything in 
 the world for you. 
 
 Denny. Ye will? Anything in the world? It's 
 a bargain. 
 
 Norah. Get in, quick! 
 
 Denny. (Climbs into boiler) Ye said any- 
 thing, mind. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Outside) Norah! (Denny 
 drops in boiler. Norah begins singing wildly as 
 Mrs. Harrington enters from right door.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Down r. c.) It's Mr. Har- 
 rington again, Norah. He's taken ill and we had 
 to come back. Norah, do stop that awful noise. 
 
 Norah. (At table r.) (Subsiding) Yes, mum. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. It's nothing serious, but 
 the lunch will have to be taken to Mr. Harring- 
 ton's room. 
 
 Terry. (In oven) Help! I'm smothering. 
 16 
 
 
(Norah begins singing frantically to drown 
 Terry. ) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Norah! Norah!! Whatever 
 is the matter with you. (Crosses left) (Norah 
 stops) Have you lost your senses? (She sees 
 chicken, etc., and screams. Norah starts) Mr. 
 Harrington's lunch ! What has happened ? Speak ! 
 ( Going to Norah. ) 
 
 Norah. (Trying to speak calmly) Burglars, 
 ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington, (l. of table — down stage) 
 Burglars? 
 
 Norah. (r. of table — down stage) Two des- 
 perate burglars. I was all alone, as ye see me 
 now. Doing nothing but what I should be doing, 
 when in comes two of the most horrible faces I 
 ever laid eyes on. (Terry's head appears above 
 oven whilst Denny signals from boiler.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Taking stage l.) Horrible! 
 
 Norah. Indeed, they was, ma'am. Give us all 
 ye have, says they. Indeed, and I'll not, says I, 
 
 and with that (She sees Denny and Terry and 
 
 begins crying frantically.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Stop! Norah, stop! (Terry 
 and Denny disappear) Will you stop that noise? 
 (Norah stops) Do try and collect your senses. 
 
 Norah. I'm better, now, ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington, (up to linen) (shrieks) 
 The linen. The washing! You haven't started 
 the fires. You stupid girl. (Down to bucket) 
 (Seizes bucket and is about to throw contents m 
 boiler, when Norah seizes her restrainingly. Start- 
 ing to boiler, Norah crosses to left and up with 
 her) Are you mad, Norah? 
 
 Norah. Worse, ma'am. It's worse than that. 
 You mustn't touch the bucket. It's full of water. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Of course, it is. I might 
 have known I should have to do everything myself. 
 (Starts for boiler with bucket.) 
 
 17 
 
 i 
 
Norah. (Restrainingly) Don't do that, ma'am. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Emptying water into holl- 
 er) Behave yourself, Norah. 
 
 Denny. (In boiler) Holy Saint Patrick! 
 (Nora sings again frantically.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Good Lord, girl, will you 
 stop? (Throws clothes in boiler) (Nora stops) 
 Don't do that again! (She gets pole to stir 
 clothes.) 
 
 Norah. It's coming on again. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. Don't let it. 
 
 Norah. I can't help it. (As Mrs. Harrington 
 begins jabbing pole in boiler, Norah sings louder 
 with each jab, whilst Denny gives sufficient evi- 
 dence of feeling the impact.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Down to Norah) Norah, 
 you will drive me mad. Where are your matches ? 
 (Denny appears smothered in dripping clothes.) 
 
 Norah. (Gets matches quickly to prevent Mrs. 
 Harrington using them) You mustn't, indeed, 
 ma'am, indeed, you mustn't. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. You stupid girl. Give me 
 those matches. (Takes them from her and up to 
 fireplace. ) 
 
 Norah. (Follows) It's murther, ma'am. It's 
 cold-blooded murther in hot blood. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Lighting fire) You're an 
 idiot, North. Your adventure has turned your 
 brain. (She closes door and fire is seen.) 
 
 Norah. (Turns to r. down) Oh, verra, verra, 
 that I ever lived to see the day. 
 
 Terry. (Whose head appears above the oven) 
 What in blazes is that? (Sniffs.) 
 Business. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Down to table) (As she 
 sees revolver on table) Ah! A revolver! Who's 
 weapon is this? 
 
 Norah. Denny's — no, I mean the burglar. I 
 took it from him. 
 
 18 
 
Mrs. Harrington. Is it loaded? 
 
 Norah. Look out. Don't point it this way. 
 It will go off. (Terry and Denny bob their heads 
 out.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. (Pointing it at oven with 
 her face front) Which way must I hold it? 
 
 Norah. It's got deadly bullets, ma'am, and can 
 kill at 20 yards. (Terry and Denny frantically 
 dodge the pointed gun.) 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. I can't get my finger out. 
 Norah, take my finger out. 
 
 Norah. Careful, ma'am. Oh, be careful. That's 
 the trigger. 
 
 Mrs. Harrington. My finger is caught. 
 
 Norah. Look out — it's going off. 
 
 (The revolver explodes. There is a crash, and 
 Denny tumbles out of boiler; as Terry rises with 
 plate on his shoulder, his head projecting through 
 opening and attempts to exiti, door right, but the 
 plate being too large, he struggles hopelessly, 
 whilst Denny leaps through window. At sight 
 of the men, Mrs. Harrington utters piercing 
 shriek and faints and falls into Norah's arms.) 
 —CURTAIN— 
 
 19 
 
 SEP 
 
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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
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1118 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
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