French's International Copyrighted (inKngland, hor C>)lonios, and tli(3 United States) Edition of the Works of the Best Authors THE MATCHMAKER a Gomedis In ©ne act BY EVERETT HENRY RUPERT Copyright, 1914, by Samuel PaKNCH Royalty (enns for the production of this play by profes> sionals will be supplied on application. Free to amateurs. PRICE 25 CENTS New York SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 28-30 WEST 38th STREET London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street STRAND THE MATCHMAKER B Gomedis in <^ne Bet BY EVERETT HENRY RUPERT COPTRIQHT, 1914, BY SAHTTBL FbBNCH Royalty terms for the production of this play by profes* sionals -vrill be supplied on application. Free to amatenrs* New York SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 28-30 WEST 38th Street London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd., 26 Southampton Street STRAND ..->* t''"^^" TMP96-007i51 FEB 12(914 '0)C!.D ;j6000 THE MATCH-MAKER. CHARACTERS. Rodney Burkett The match-maker Pygmalion Von Hutton (dubbed "Piggie") His protege Caroline DeVoe His friend Scene : — Living room of Rodney's bachelor apart- ments, New York City. Time: — A spring morning. Time of Playing: — About nineteen minutes. PERSONAL PROPERTIES. Letter and small envelope for Rodney. Tie, collar and newspaper for Piggie. Hand-bag, gloves and parasol for Caroline. (i) Fire-place, with mantle. (2) Portiered door- way, leading into sleeping apartment. (3) Practical door, with hall backing. (4) Couch, with pillows disarranged; at one end lies Piggie's hat. (5) Straight-backed chair, over which is hung Piggie's coat and vest. (6) Chiffonier, with mirror. On the chiffonier, among other things, is an empty cigarette-case. (7) " Comfy " chair. (8) Table, littered with books, magazines and papers, several of which have fallen to the floor. Rugs, pictures, bric-a-brac. General air of disordered elegance. 3 SCENE PLOT I 3. I (9: 1. Fire-place, with mantle. 2. Portiered door-way, leading into sleeping apart- ment. 3. Practical door, with hall backing. 4. Couch, with pillows disarranged ; at one end lies Piggie's hat. 5. Straight-backed chair, over which is hung Piggie's coat and vest. 6. Chiffonier, with mirror. On the chiffonier, among other things, is an empty cigarette-case. 7. " Comfy " chair. 8. Table, littered with books, magazines and papers, several of which have fallen to the floor. Rugs, pic- tures, bric-a-brac. General air of disordered elegance. THE l^ATCHMAKER. Scene: — At rise, Rodney Burkett is discovered down L. reading note zvhich he has just drazvn ■from small envelope. Burkett is a gray- hnircd. strong-featured, ivcU-prescrz'cd man of the world. In spite of his fifty-odd years, he has succeeded in preserving his youth, not only in appearance, but in spirit and action as zvell; at times he is prone to be boyish. He fully appreciates his responsibility as guardian of PiGGiE, hozvever, and can contemplate the serious crp^rf'; of life tvith more discernment, and with a better grace, than can many of his kind. Possessed of fine sensibilities, he is a natural enemy to disorder, and takes advantage of every opportunity to " straighten things up." This characteristic is especially noticeable in his dress and personal appearance. On this par- ticular Liorning, he appears in a spring suit of the prevailing color and style.) Rodney, (as he concludes reading note, calls eagerly) Piggie ! Piggie! Oh, Piggie! PiGGiE. {from room off l. ; impatiently) Well, well? Rodney. Are you awake, old man? (Pi'^GTK enters in shirt-sleeves, tie and collar in hand, and crosses to chiffonier, r. He is a hard some, zvcll-built youth of twenty, posses- sing an abundance of nervous energy, and an 5 6 THE MATCH-MAKER. ever-changing disposition, sunny one moment, and irascible the next. He is sensitive, but one zvhose grievances may be quickly condoned. He cares more for " fad " than style in dress, and dresses accordingly. He speaks as he en- ters.) PiGGiE. No one ever accused me of talking in my sleep. Rodney, {in mock surprise) Well, well! Up and dressed, all by his dear, sweet, independent little self. Mamma's little boy is fast becoming a fine, big man. PiGGiE. {sourly) Aw, cheese it! Rodney, {is perplexed. Is in the habit of prac- tising such cajolery on Piggie, and having it re- ceived and returned in the proper spirit; so when he speaks again, it is somewhat gravely) What's the matter, old man — lost something? Piggie. {pauses in the act of slipping tie into collar and speaks with just a suspicion of sarcasm in his voice) Yes, I lost a step o\er there by the door as I came in. W^ould you mind Rodney, {with gentle severity) Didn't you lose your manners also, Piggie? {with kindly sym- pathy) What is it, old chap? Tell it to me — • maybe I can Piggie. {shortly) It's nothing — nothing — abso- lutely nothing" ! Rodney, {leans against table supporting himself with his hands; good-naturedly) I guess our " evening out " last night didn't agree with you, did it, boy? (Piggie mumbles something to himself.) Rodney, {treating it all as 'a joke) Do you know, at the Gaiety, you were as morose as a dra- matic critic ; and afterwards, at Sherry's, you were THE MATCH-MAKER. 7 positively rude — yes you were, you rascal ; once or twice I was quite ashamed of you. I fairly ex- hausted myself trying to cheer you up; but when I found that nothing would move your grouch, I concluded my evening at entertaining had been a rank failure, and brought you home, hoping you'd sleep it off. But, look at you! (lays note carefully on table, goes to Piggie and places hi s arm gently about the boy's shoulders) What is it, sonny? Come on, tell your old pal v/hat's gone wrong. Piggie. {shaking him off; impatiently) It's nothing, I tell you ; nothing's gone wrong — that is — anyway, it isn't so bad but what I'll get over it. Rodney, (slapping him on the back) Of course you'll get over it. We all get these spells some- times, (goes back l. and begins straightening up room) Now, pull yourself together, quick, and help me straighten up this room, for oh, Piggie-boy — (picking up note from table) what — do — you — think ? Piggie. (in a little better humor as he removes vest from back of chair and proceeds to put it on before glass) I'm trying to learn not to think, Rodney ; I've found it a bad habit. Rodney, (in ecstasy, forgetting everything else) She's coming to see us, Piggie^iere — this morning. Piggie. (making a botch of trying to appear in- terested) Is she? Rodney, (rolling his eyes heavenward) Oh-h ! Just wait till you see her. Piggie. (nonchalantly) I intended to wait. Rodney, (soid fully) You'll simply di-e-e Piggie. I think I'll not wait. Rodney, (hastily) Oh, no, I didn't mean that, Piggie; of course not. (relapsing into his former beatific mode of expression) But, oh-h, boy — oh — boy, she's a — she's a dr-ream-m-m ! Piggie. (taking coat from chair and repeating 8 THE MATCH-MAKER. business before mirror) I need something more tangible, Rodney-^breakfast for instance. Rodney, (indignantly) Breakfast! For shame! Forget it, lad, forget it. (again rolling his eyes heavenward) You'll forget everything when you see her. PiGGiE. (definitely) Vm going. Rodney. Oh, no ! I didn't mean that — don't be a fool, boy — you see, you didn't — ah — ah — Confound it, Piggie, why don't you ask who she is? PiGGiE. You once told me that when I got curious to stretch my ears as far as I liked, but to keep my mouth shut, so I-^ Rodney, (despairingly) Oh, I know — that's quite the proper way — usually ; but don't you see, this is someone special. Piggie. (dryly) It must be to warrant such a fuss. Rodney, (re minis cently) Someone I ha^'e wanted you to know for years ; someone Pve often pictured as being your — ah — a very dear friend of yours; someone Fve — But what's the use? There's no two ways about it. Fate intended you for each other. I tell you, you'll fall in love with her at first sight. Piggie. (smiling significantly at his reflection in the glass) Oh, ivill I ? Rodney. But you can't help yourself. She's a perfect je-e-rn ! Piggie. (fussing nervously with his clothes) Possibly; but Fm not a bit fond of jewelry. Rodney, (exasperated) Oh, you ass! You've got to fall in love with her. 1 tell you. Piggie. (turning his head) Cot to"'' Rodney, (supplicating) Please fall in love with her, Piggie. Piggie. If she's all you say she is, she could never bring herself to care for a knock-about like THE MATCH-MAKER. 9 me; and even if she could— oh, it would be impos- sible, Rodney. Rodney, (pricking up his ears — figuratively speaking, of course) Why impossible? PiGGiE. Because I — well, just because. Rodney, {leaning against table ag.iin; soberly) " Just because " is a woman's reason, Piggie. PiGGiE. (with impatient celerity) Because I'm in love with somebody else. Rodney, (a trifle sternly) What's that? Piggie. See? I knew it would be that way. Rodney. But you don't seem to understand, Piggie; this is— (abruptly) Who's the girl? Piggie. (irritably, tugging at his garments) Why, it's a friend of mine ; you don't know her. Rodney. But I want to know ; I have a right to know. Piggie. (turning; a trifle hotly) What right, pray? Rodney, (tenderly) The right your father gave me, Piggie, when he turned you over to me just before he died and said : " Look after my boy, Rodney — bring him up right. Steer him clear of the dark places, and teach him how to live so that the world will be proud of him." I've been doing my best for eighteen years, now, Piggie-boy. and — Piggie. (crosses dozun to Rodney, offering his hand in apology) I guess I've acted the brute, Rodney. I didn't intend — I don't want you to think I'm ungrateful, because — I appreciate all you've done. But Rodney, (drawing him close and giving him an affectionate shake) But what, lad? Piggie. You wouldn't understand, Rodney — it's so unusual. I Rodney, (giving him another shake) Hurry up ; out with it, boy. (Piggie remains silent.) 10 THE MATCH-MAKER. Rodney, {in a tone more gentle) Where did you first see her? PiGGiE. At the Casino. Rodney. At a box-party ? PiGGIE. No. Rodney. Oh, just met her in the crowd, eh? PiGGIE. No. Rodney. (perplexed) Then I can't — you didn't — (light dazvning in his face) You don't mean on PiGGIE. Yes — that's it. Rodney, (rebukingly) Piggie ! PiGGIE. (drawing azuay from him) See? I knew you wouldn't understand. Rodney, (pulling him hack gently) Come here! Was it — was it one of the principals ? Piggie. No. Rodney. Oh-h, a chorus girl. Piggie. Yes. (draining azvay again) Rodney. (prdJing him back) Wait a minute, lad; let's get at the bottom of this thing. How did you happen to — to meet her? Piggie. Bobby -Gray introudced me after the show\ She's a friend of Bobby's sister. Rodney. Oh ! Piggie. Then we had lunch at Rector's. Rodney. So every night, excei)L last night, you have been Piggie. At the Casino Rodney. And Piggie. Rector's. Rodney, (releasing Piggie, zvho retires to the other side of ike room; after a pause) Fm begin- ning to understand last night's grouch. Piggie. (in a tone of surprise) Well, aren't you going to- — — Rodney, (zvith a laugh) Scold you — condemn you? There -seems to be no occasion for either, young man. You have THE MATCH-MAKER. ii PiGGiE. (returns to Rodney and grasps his hand earnestly) Oh, thank you, Rodney. Rodney, (pressing his hand war inly) Not at all, my boy. I was young myself — once. I know all about these chorus girl episodes — just how far they go, and how long they last. But I know some other things, too, Piggie, that I want you to know, before you make a mistake you'll be liable to re- gret all your life. Piggie. (in suspense) Well? Rodney. Have all the good, clean fun you want, my boy. Have just as big a time as your allowance for that purpose will permit. Enjoy yourself, and be a joy to others — that's what that dear daddy of yours would have said — but don't — don't, Piggie, allow yourself to become serious. Piggie. But what if my heart Rodney. You're too young to have a heart, lad ; and even if you're not, it isn't wise to jump head- long into a thing like this until you've made sure of the depth. Piggie. (turning away disgusted) Good Lord 1 One would think you were talking to a child ! Rodney. No, my boy. But if you were older, and had had a little more experience, you would be able to discriminate more distinctly between love and infatuation. Piggie. Infatuation ! Rot ! Rodney. Isn't that it, boy? Piggie. (emphatically) No! Rodney. Aren't you merely infatuated with a butterfly of the moment? Piggie. (hotly) I'll thank you not to allude to her as a butterfly. Just because she's a chorus girl . Rodney. But, listen, Piggie Piggie. I'll not listen if you're going to insult her. She's just as good and true and pure as any 12 THE MATCH-MAKER. girl that ever lived — and I'll make it damned hot for any one who says she isn't. Rodney, {imperiously) Piggie ! ! ! — You will please be careful not to repeat that outbreak. You are going — to stand right there, now, and look at th's thing calmly and with reason. When I spoke of this — of your friend as a butterfly, I made no allusion to her qualities, good or bad. I have lived long enough, and have had sufficient experience, to know that chorus girls are not only not half as bad as they are painted, but, in a majority of cases, are as good and clean as girls in any other walk of life. I do not question the goodness and virtue of your chorus girl friend, Piggie — not for a minute. But I want to try to make you realize that the world at large have no opportunity to see these things from the inside as we see them. One chorus girl becomes involved in a big scandal and {with a shrug) they're all like her- — that's what the world says. Can't you see, then, what it would mean to you if you should allow yourself to treat this — - th's little affair seriously? Jones meets Smith on the street and casually inquires what's become of Piggie Von Hutton. Aiid .Smith is surprised, and asks: ''What! llaven't you heard? Why, the poor devil married a chorus girl." Piggie. (grimly) Then you can bet Fd take ad- vantage of the first opportunity to tell Jones and .Smith wliere they could head in at. T'd know them, then, for just what they were — contemptuous, nar- row-minded, bigoted fools Rodney, (quietly) Do you realize that you are calling me a narrow-minded, bigoted tool. Piggie? Piggie. (passionately) You wouldn't sneer at my marriage with a chorus girl if you knew we loved each other, Rodney Burkett ! Rodney, (slowly) For your own sake, Piggie, and because I think so much of you, I would do everything in my power to prevent — that — marriage. THE MATCH-MAKER. 13 PiGGiE. (incredulously, after a pause) You — ■ -(vonld ! Rodney, (softly) Yes, Piggie — I would. PiGGii:. (regaining his equipoise) Then you'd better be up and doing, Rodney Burkett — (grab- bing hat) for I'm going to her nozv. I'll get a mar- riage license and marry her before noon — and I'd like to see you prevent it — if you can. (Exits, slamming door.) Rodney, (after slight pause, during which he gases affectionately totvard door through xvhich Piggie has just made his exit) God bless that boy! Before he reaches the corner he'll repent of having lost his tem.per, and will be hurrying back to tell old Rodney how sorry he is. (Knock at door in Flat.) Rodney. (immediately on the alert) That's she. (hurries quietly to mirror to assure himself that he is presentable) (Knock is repeated.) Rodney', (takes a deep breath and calls) Come m ! Caroline, (opens door and puts head in) Well ! (She steps inside. Caroline is an extremely at- tractive girl of about nineteen. Sweet, simple, unaffected. She zvears a new spring bonnet, and a natty street costume.) Rodney, (goes to her and presses her hands warmly) Caroline — Miss DeVoe! Caroline. How do you do, Mr. Burkett? Rodney. Tickled to death to see you. How fine you look ! 14 THE MATCH-MAKER. Caroline, (simply) Thank you. Rodney, {leads zvay to " comfy " chair dozvn r., zvhere he makes a great fuss about arranging pil- lozvs, etc.) Well, come in, sit down, lay off your wraps '■ Caroline. Oh, my time is very limited, Rod- ney—Mr. Burkett Rodney, (taking her things from rather re- luctant hands and carrying them up to couch at back) That's right — call me Rodney. Two old friends like us needn't be so conventional, need we? Let's see — how long is it — one — almost two years since I was down at your place, isn't it? Caroline. Almost. Vvs been in New York a little over a year, you know Rodney. (in great surprise) . Been in New York Caroline. Or didn't you know? Rodney. (appealing heavenzvard) Ye gods, hear that, now! (sinking on couch) In New York a little over — But, why haven't you been around to see us before? Caroline. Oh, I have been very busy study- ing — I came to study voice, you know ; but I did manage to steal an afternoon off once, and looked you up at the address you gave me when you were down in the country, but you had moved, and no- body seemed to know anything about you. It was only yesterday that I learned from Helen Gray — it seems she's heard her brother speak of you — where you were. But, oh, I had such a fright as I came up ! Rodney. (solicitoitsly) A fright? Why, Caroline, what Caroline. It was in that dark hall-way, below. I had got right into the middle of it — in the very darkest place — when some one came tearing along like one fleeing from a plague. He came within an ace of crashing into me and upsetting both of us. THE MATCH-MAKER. 15 (suddenly horrified, as the fuU import of such a catastrophe dawns upon her) Oh, Heavens, Rod- ney ! What if he had! Rodney, {considering it a great joke) Oh, ho, Carohne ! That must have been Piggie. Caroline, (vaguely) Piggie? Rodney. Yes. Don't you know, I've told you about Piggie lots of times — finest boy in the world. Why, when you met him, he was going to his wed- ding. Caroli ne. Wedding ? Rodney. So he said. You see — (apologetically) he and I just had a rumpus. He thinks he's in love with a chorus girl, and declares he'll marry her whether or no. Isn't it a pity when a nice, bright young man like that gets those silly notions into his head ? Cv^roline. Why, if she's a nice chorus girl Rodney. Oh, she's a good square girl, all right — Piggie's too much of a man to lose his senses over any other kind — but — it's the looks of the tiling, Caroline. Think what his friends would say — those who are expecting such big things of him — if he were to tie himself up to a common chorus girl. Caroline. But, some chorus girls Rodney, (argumcntatively, as he gets up and goes L., near fire-place zvhere he kicks down the up- turned corner of a rug) Oh, they never get any- where, Caroline. Perhaps one in five thousand come to the front. I heard a boy crying the news this morning — something about a chorus girl be- coming a prima donna over night — but that's very unusual. And. anyway, Piggie would never be lucky enough to Piggie. {shouting exuberantly without) Rod- ney ! Rodney ! (Caroline rises, looking expectantly at Rodney.) 16 THE MATCH-MAKER. PiGGiE. (bursts into room flourishing nezvs- paper) Rodney, .look at — (stops short at seeing Caroline. Confusion for both) Oh, I beg par- don Rodney. Take off you hat, Piggie, and r.^ake a bow to the lady. Miss DeVoe, my youthful pro- tege, Mr. Pygmalion Von Hutton. (They smile into each other's eyes os they ac- knozvledge the introduction.) Rodney. Miss DeVoe is the young lady of whom you have so often heard me speak, Piggie. I want yop to try to cultivate her acquaintance, (over his shoulder as he crosses to chiffonier, apparenilx to get a cigarette from his cigarette-case, zvhicJi he finds empty, but in reality, to throw the burden of en- te^'taining one another upon the young people) You'll like her immensely. Piggie. (coming dozvn in front of table grin- ning broadly) No doubt about that, Rodney, I Caroline. (going up and taking her things from couch) I believe I must be going Rodney, (szvinging around) Oli, don't hurry away, Caroline. Stay and get acquainted with Piggie. He's a real interesting sort of a chap — ah — after you get to know him. Caroline, (smiling at Piggie) H Mr. " Pig- gie " will excuse me this time, I will see you both again to-night — that is — (to Rodney) if you will accept my invitation to a box-party at the Casino. Rodney, (dozvn back of " comfy" chair) Well, that surely is lovely of you, Caroline. I am sure Piggie and I will be delighted to — I say, Caro- line, where did you say you were going to have that box-party — at the Casino? Caroline, (roguishly) Yes, the Casino. Rodney. (disconcerted) Well, really, Caro- THE MATCH-MAKER. 17 line, I — we — ah — couldn't you change it to some other house? You see, Piggie has been attending the Casino quite regularly of late, and by so doing has contracted a very serious form of heart-trouble. It really isn't good for him to go so often. Couldn't you arrange for Maude Adams, or — the Hippo- drome, or Caroline. I am very sorry, Rodney, but it would be quite impossible to change it. You see, my contract reads, " the Casino." Rodney, (perplexed) Contract? Caroline. Yes — for an indefinite number of performances — that being at the option of the man- agement. Rodney. Performances — contract — m a n a g e- ment — But, I don't Piggie. . {catching up nezvspaper from table where he has thrown it, and thrusting it into Rod- ney's face) You old rummie, get busy and read your morning's paper. There — {shozving him) those headlines. Rodney. {reading) " Chorus Girl Becomes Prima Donna Over Night. Leading Woman Falls 111 and Understudy — {turning to them) But, say, you don't mean Piggie. {contemptuously) Of course, Rodney, can't you see? Miss DeVoe is the prima donna — the ex-chorus girl who has set all New York talk- ing Rodney, {his brain in a whirl) What's that? Piggie. She's the one I've been taking to Rec- tor's. We've been Rodney. Well, Ju — das — Is that true, Caro- line. Caroline. {laughing) I guess we're guilty, Rodney. Rodney. Well, suffering — ! But, say, I don't — • how did you Caroline. Don't you remember, I told you I 18 THE MATCH-MAKER. came to New York to study voice ? Then the chance for the chorus' came ; and I begged so hard they gave me the understudy also. Then, last night — well, you know the rest. Rodney. Ye gods ! And you two PiGGiE. (exultingly) Ah, ha, Rodney! I be- lieve you said this morning you would never con- sent to my marrying a chorus girl ! Rodney, (gravely) Nor shall I, Piggie. If le'll have you at all, you will be marrying, not the chorus girl, but (bowing to Caroline) the prima donna. CURTAIN. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 103 837 4