Dream camp OR A MODERN CRAZE /Lo4-tM#4 m SREAM iS-AMP A MODERN CRAZE 'LIKE ais:d love are all a dream. WRITTEN BY CHARLES ROBINSON COMPOSED BY WALTER S. .BIGELOW ' i ROCHESTER, N. Y. PRESS OF GELHAAR, FLEMING & BIGELOW 1890 Copyriglited, 1890, CHARLES ROBIiMSON. TMPg6~006772 DRAMATIS PERSONS. Agatha. " Sltr has <(n earnest intellect, a perfect thirst of Terrestra. " ' l)o this,' saith he. '■Alreailij, sir,' saith she.' " Pythia. "yl send too great, too Just, too noJAe to he happy.''' Ideala. So tcise, so !/oung. Aglaia. j EuPHROSYNE. ■ The three Graces. Thalia. \ Harold Augustus Hobbs. j Alphonso Remington White, ^r'' Jolt i/ (jfiij students." A. Ferdinand Gray. i Archibald Kensington Smythe. An Amjlomaniac. Hoop La. The little Jaji. ('LARENCE Brown-Jones. ''Just fit to prattle at a ladi/'s feet." Macintosh Malcolm Macbeth. '■'Fearless he is, and scorn- ing all disguise." Chorus of Maidens. " Oh this learning, tvhaf a thing it (n.'" Chorus of Students. " LoveiviU ,ti)iil nnt the way.'''' Act 7.— The Grove. Act II.— The Camp. Act III— The. Vision. Time.— .'July, 1890. DRKATVI CAMP; OR, A IVtODKRN CRAZK. ACT I. Scene.— yl» opening in a grorc. On the left is a bust of Plato, on a pedestal. Givuped about the front of the stage is a Ijand of 7nodern college students, most of them in tennis costumes. Some are smoJcing, some have rackets, others base-ball bats, and a few hare banjos and guitars. Chorus of Students. Oh ! we are the jolliest students That in the whole world you can find. And 'though we're not wise, we are wealthy. And care more for muscle than mind ! From Harvard to far Minnesota, From Vassar to dear Wellesly, If ever you want some amusement Well furnish it right joyfully ! Refrain. Ah ! we are the jolliest students That in the whole woi'ld you can find. And 'though we're not wise, we are wealthy. And care more for muscle than mind — Yes ! more for muscle than mind ! Ah I hei'e we are ! DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Bassos. Chorus. Tenors. From the druclg'ery of life At a college we are free — Each is looking for a. wife That to him a joy shall be. Quickly come foi-th then, and hear us, Oh ! maidens both dark and fair — Come, then, oh come ! and ever be near us To join in our frolics rare ! Come, then, oh come ! Refrain. Ah ! we are the jolliest students, etc. Tenors. We are trying to devise How to win the maiden's hearts. Bassos. Chorus. For they're Boston maidens wise, And secure from Cupid's darts. Quickly come forth then, and hear us, Oh ! maidens both dark and fair — Come, then, oh come ! and ever be near us ■ — But give up your learning rare I Come, then, oh come ! Refrain. Ah I we are the jolliest students, etc. A. Ferdinand Gray. Well, fellows! Hei-e is a " pretty howdedo.*" We learn that Mistress Agatha has taken a score of girls — A. McAllister Smith. The creme de la creme of the Boston "• Four Hundred I " DREAM camp; OR, A mod?:rn craze. M. Malcolm Macbeth. Oh, come, A. McAUistei- Smith! Give us a rest on your everlasting "Four Hundred.'" Your middle name is too much for you. Go on, A. Ferdinand Gray ! — give expression to our sorrows, voice our wrongs. A. Ferdinand Gray. Well, as I was saying. Mistress Agatha has taken a score of the cream — Harold Aug. Hobbs. Ice cream ! A. Ferdinand Gray. Of Boston society into the coun- try, to one of her deuced " Mental Culture Camps." We hear of it, pack up, and come out after them. What is the result ? We hang around, — we serenade them. They utterly ignore our existence ! They don't even do us the honor of telling us to go away ! They treat us like absolute nonentities, and continue to worshi]) their old heathen authors as though all mankind had died with them I 7 say somethiny must be done ! Clarence Brown-.Tones, you have had a good deal of experience with girls — what would //o» suggest ? Clarence Brown-.Tones {strlkiny the chord on A/s- (juildr). Solo. Leave them alone And they'll come home Leaving their Greek behind them ! ( Students laugJi ). M. Malcolm Macbeth. I thinlc that we had better threaten them. Make them believe that we are all going to commit suicide. Harold Aua. Hobbs. Oh, pshaw, Macintosh Malcolm Macbeth ! They wouldn't care if we did ! We had better let the Harvard fellows paint their old Plato {■pointiny to the statue ) red. If that does not bring them to terms, nothing will ! Clarence Brown-.Tones. Harold Augustus Hobbs, you area little "fresh." You know that now we are dealing with ladies. DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Harold Aug. Hobbs. ( Aside ). Yes I Dealing with queens and aces ; no kings in that pack — nov hearts either. A. Ferdinand Gray. Come, come, fellows I The girls will be here in a minute. When they finish their devotions, we'll see what can be done. ( Exit Students, sinyiuy ). Chorus of Students. We are the jolliest students That in the whole world you can find. And 'though we're not wise we are wealthy, And care more for muscle than mind — Yes ! more for muscle than mind I ( Enter Maidens dressed in Greccian costumes. Many icear glasses, and allhave their eyes cast down, or , fixed on the statue. 2' hey march slowly to the front of the stage ). Chorus of Maidens. Maidens coming to thy shrine, Praising all thy thoughts divine. Turning to thy face benign — Oh ! hear our song I Off'ring sacrifice to-day, At thy feet our hearts we lay. And our homage duly pay With praiseful song. Hear us, Plato, as we sing ! All our love to thee we bring, Thou alone shalt reign as king O'er us supreme I Thou alone art truly wise ; We would see things with thine eyes ; Help us from the world to rise In lofty dream I Ideala ( placiny a icreath of laurel on the head of tlie bust ). DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. SOI.O. Here we crown thee by the might ' Of a wreath of laurel brig-ht, And a maiden's saered right To choose her king- ! Chorus of Maidens. Maidens gathered "round thj' shrine. Praising all thj- thoughts divine. 'Round thy temples laurel twine. And praises sing". Ideala, (while the Maidens, h(df recliniug, group themselves about the front of stage ). Sisters, in my slumbers last night I dreamed a dream I Terrestra. Oh. lovely ! Pythia. Something, no doubt, in the hearing of which our minds will be elevated ; in which our souls will spread their wings in lofty flight I Pray continue, Ideala. Ideat^a. 1 dreamed, Pythia, that 1 saw Browning and Plato communing together — not in the flesh, but in the spirit. Terrestra. oh, fudge I Ideala, you studied too late last night. Ideala. ("hild, thou art young, and understandeth not what it is to dream — to have the soul uplifted by a beatific vision . Terrestra. Oh ! Don"t I though ! I had a beatific vision myself last night. I took a Cure for Insomnia, — it always makes me dream. Ideala. Let the Secretary read Article 52, Volume I of our Precepts. Secretary ((•f«fZ/)i(/). "Confound not mind and matter. Seek not by material potions to stimulate the soul to activity.'" 10 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Ideala. Now, Teri-estra, thy viaion. Terrestra. I dreamed about Harold, and Archibald Kensington Sraythe. Chorus of Maidens. Horror.s I Soul of Socrates pro- tect her ! She dreamed of vieti '. — and of college men I Terrestra. You can say what you like about Mr. Kensington Smythe. He is Ideala's lover — Ideala. Never I Terrestra. But Harold Augustus Hobbs is inine — and he is a thousand times better than your old quints. Chorus. {Hon-or strickm). Oh!! Terrestra. Yes, I am tired of tlie whole business. Higher education for women may be all well enough for such people as you are, but I have had all / want ! Did not Browning- and Socrates have wives ? I don't believe that it is right to devote yourself to mental culture, while you starve your lieart ! Chorus. Heresy ! Ideala. Benighted one thou ravest ! Pythia. Hush ! The priestess approaches. {The iiKiidi'iis )ise to receive her.) Agatha, [cntcriny. A t<(U ntdidei) of (lonhlfxl oge). Solo. Let the youthful and the fair Of the world, and men, beware ! Let them hide themselves in dreams Till what is, but folly seems. Hating matter — loving mind. Scorn existence ! Spurn manlvind ! DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 11 Those who care for deeds and facts, Let them change to dreams their acts I Thoughts are noble — actions base ! Dreams exalt, but deeds disgrace ! Rising in a lofty flight Leave, ah ! leave the world of night ! Pythia. Oh, splendid woman ! Oh, lofty soul I Help thou me to scorn existence, for already I have learned to spurn mankind I Maidens (exceptiny Terrestra, who silentlij j:*o»^s'). Yea I and we ! Ideala. Ah! How I despise them! (Agatha nods ((jyprorhnjln). But teach us, Madam, better to see nought but the ideal — better to roam through "the realms of thought." Agatha >i((ds herself iu Ihdv midst. Thalia. Yes, and help us to dream. Agatha. Why, child, is it so hard to dream V Oanst thou not lose thyself in waking slumber, see ideal visions, and build "castles " ? Canst thou not think for hours, as I do, (verij sloivly, and with abstraction) on — nothing — but — the —Highest — Good? [A 2jai(se. The)i siiddenlj/). Do you find that hard V Thalia. Oh! so hard I Terrestra. (Tmpatieutln). And how can dreams exalt a maiden? Does not exalt signify " raise up"? And J must first lie down befoi*e I dream. Agatha. Ah! foolish child! Wilt thou never cease confounding the practical and the ideal? By '' exalt"" I mean ennoble, beantifij! Terrestra. ( With sudden interest). Then does dreaming make one beautiful V Maidens lean forirard to ratrli the answer. 12 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Agatha. Beautiful ! Is not our concept of the fairest maiden called "The Sleeping Beauty"? (Maidens lean back 'ivith closed eyex. Agatha surveys them with a took of scorn). Awake ! What foolishness is this — are you still vainV [The Maidens return to their former positions). Tell me, Pythia, has ought been done since sundown unworthy of a follower of Plato V Pythia. Ah ! madam — madam I One of our number h;is dreamed of Men ! Agatha (rising quickly. The others follow her example). Of men ! Men I Let the culprit stand forth I (Terrestra, apprf)aching, kneels before her). Thou, then, art the guilty one y Terrestra. Mercy ! Mercy I ( Willi a .4y look lou-ard the audience). I was but thinking of my Ideal man, and — the, — vision — came. Agatha. The Ideal was a man of Hesh V Terrestra. The — the vision was of such a man. Agatha. Oh base one I Unworthy wretch I Kneel be- fore the statue, and beg forgiveness. Pythia, stay and watch with her. (Terrestra rising, stands icith bowed head, while Agatha coiitinues). But listen, maidens I Gather around me — I hear the students now ajiproaching ! (Agatha and the maidens gather in a frightened group a1 the left of the stage, with the .statue in their mid.'ft). (Enter Students, at L 4.) Chorus of Students. Pray cease all your fooling, Have done with your schooling, Our ardor is cooling With nonsense so great ! There's no use in Talking, We soon shall be "walking," You'd best stoj^ your mocking Before it's too late ! DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 13 It's wrong for you ladies To wish men in Hades, And treat them like babies Without any "sand " ! You ought not to do it ! You surely will rue it ! And why you should do it We don't understand. Repent ! we implore you. For Oh ! we adore you And bow down before you — Our hearts at your feet ! For mercy we're pleading, But if you're unheeding, We'll soon be proceeding Your tactics to meet. Agatha, (with dcfcnnination). Solo. Depart I Oh men ! you're helpless ! Do you think to move us now By threats, or by enti'eaty From our solemn, solemn vow? Chorus. Agatha and Maidens. Cease, we beg, your vain entreaty, You can never win our love. We are done with human passions- Sentiment we're far above. It's absurd — your aspiration ! You can never soar so high. You're deficient in the brain power, And before we stoop, we'd die ! Then away ! No longer linger. We no further time can waste. You are "of the earth most earthy," And corrupt us, so make haste ! 14 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Chorus 0/ Students, (to atalience). Well, in truth, it's not conducive To our several self respects. After winning- in Athletics Thus to flee " the gentler sex'' — To Maidens— But farewell I for we ai"e going. If the love of manly heart Thus destroys your mental balance Why, of course, we must depart. Full Chorus, (Maidens rdiriiKj la riyht. Students /o left. Pythia (Old Terrestra ynnain, however, l:neeliiHi ljefoi-( the statue.) Fai'ewell ! Farewell ! and adieu I We're sorry thus to leave you^ But if you speak so Of course we must go — May Plato send wisdom to j'ou ! (Harold Augustus Hobbs and Alphonso Remington White linyer after the otlters h((re yoiw). Alphonso Remington White (a.mk to Harold Aug. Hobbs, l)oth stepping toward front of stage). What shall we do, Harold ? Harold Aug. Hobbs. Let's frighten them I Alphonso. Well, how? Harold. Oh I It is not hard to frighten a girl I Sup- pose we creep up behind them, and give the college yell. Alphonso. Good I But, )*o— that would never do ! They would think we were burglars, and scream. Then we should have the whole flock back here in a minute. 7'?? tell you what would be the very thing ! You steal behind the statue, and when they ask it something, — nobody ever prays unless they have something to ask for — you answer, rather squeaky at first, as though it was the statue ; then DREAM CAMP ; OR. A MODERN CRAZE. gradually come around to your own tone of voice, and let them know who it is. Harold. Smooth I That is line old man I And wont I give them some good advice I You just '"keep dark "" for a minvite. Harold Aug. Hobbs and Alphonso Remington White. Duet. Pvit up twenty to ten, that two college bred men Won't be long' at a loss to discover The most excellent way, in which they can play A good joke on a friend or a lover. Should the friend be a maid, you need not be afraid That they'll feel for a moment regretful. Though they solemnly swear that they never would dare To alarm her — you know their forgetful I When the deed has been done, and success has been won, And they find that their stratagem teases. They won't try to conceal all the joy that they feel, For with themihe maid does what she pleases. Though, of couse, we confess that she'll ne'er seek redress Nor ever be frigid or fretful. That she never will flirt, and will try not to hurt Their feelings — you know she's forgetful I Harold. Alphonso. I wish that ]/ would do the talk- ing. Of course, I would just as lief — only, somehow, I'd a little rather not. You see I am not much of a poet, and whoever heard of an oracle that answered in prose V Alphonso. Why, my deaJi boy ! It is easy enough rhyming — when you once learn how. Besides that kind of business is not in my line. Now go ahead, and I' will wait here. No matter if the metre is bad — it will be all the more like Browning, you know. And, if you get into a tight place — run into prose. Harold (reliictdntU/). Well, I'll try. {He crfej3,s behind the statite). 16 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Pythia iijrdi/iug to the statue). Hear, oh Plato, this repentant maiden ! Lead her, I beseech thee, into the paths of light I Help her, oh great Man, to soar to heights of learning, and with her "//oy.se" to roam through the realms of thought, and to leap the chasm of time. Help her to forget the practical world of fads. Hear her, I implore thee ! Harold (/Vo)» hehind Ihestdtur, and sJotd)/ couidluq out- the syllables o» lus fingers). I turn attentive ears. (Pythia and Terrestra .starting, dutch eaeh other con- vulsively.) Pythia {to Terrestra). Pray 1 Oh pray ! The statue has vouchsafed a verbal answer I Terrestra. Oh great, good Plato, I meant not to do wrong. Forgive me, I pray thee — I could not help it I And was it so very wicked, just that once ? Harold [same as before). *' "Twas right I so calm thy fears ! Terrestra (disconcerted). Oh I Was it? — oh, I am .s'O glad ! I thought, oh kind, good Plato, that it could not be very bad — Harold. "Twas right, 1 now repeat — Indeed 'twas very sweet ! — ( Willi enthusiasm.) Why! "An honest man's the noblest work of God ! " — and Harold Augustus Hobbs is such a man ! (Pythia, horror stricken., tears her hair, and pro.^trates herself before the .statue. Alphonso Remington White finds it difficult to restrain his laughter; while Terrestra, ?ooA'/»(/ up in utter amazement, sees Harold, tvho, pointing to the pro.'ttrate Pythia, and enjoining silence, continues.) Yea! I tell thee, my daughter, that thou didst well. It is only the foolish who imagine that 1 would have them ignore mankind, for DREAM CAMP; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 17 whose comfort they were created ! Arise, I have finished ! {Hr steps out lidiglimgly, and Alphonso comes forumrd to meet him). Terrestra i point iny to Pythia). Oh, Harold! You have nearly killed Pythia. See ! she has fainted ! Alphonso. ()h. don't worry about her I I have seen her faint before ! (The three gathering around, fan her. Slie begins to rerii'e.) Terrestra. There! She will be all rig-ht in a minute. You had better g-o away — both of you ! Harold. Oh no ! We shall stay here and help her to "come to."' Then she will be so everlastingly gratefvil that she won't mind us a bit. Alphonso. Yes ! That is the better plan. But, Ter- restra, don't ever mention that it was Harold Augustus Hobbs, who answered your prayer. Terrestra. Oh, net er ! Pythia {slowh/ opening her ei/es, ninrninrs). Alphonso ! Alphonso {bending over her). Pythia! Pythia {starting up). Oh I Are you alive V— And a man ! Away ! Away ! I am .so disappointed : I had thought that it was only a vision, and now you are living-. Go away ! How dare you stay V Harold. Well, Pythia, you know you had a little faint- ing tui-n, we happened to be a — around, and ran forward to help you. Terrestra. Yes, Pythia, that is all. Do you feel better now V Pythia (notv lievself again). Yea ! Better in soul if not in body. Come, child, our prayer is answered ! My faint was but a momentary trance. {She turns to go). 18 DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. Terrestra. But, Pythia, you will not leave these — men, without a woi'd of thanks? Pythia. Men ! Men ! Who speaks to me of men 'i T know not that such a thing- exists ! Come, Terrestra I (She sidlks (>fi\ followed nteeklij by Terrestra.) JiAROi^B {nmniiiy forwanl, intercepts her, and will not allow Iter to pass.) Don't know that we exist! Where are your senses? Look here, (pulUuy Alphonso toward her) don't you see this — ah — object ? Look at him ! Feel of him ! I'll pinch him for you and show you that he is alive. {He pinches his arm roK? Alphonso shrieks.) Alphonso (ruhtmiy his (trm). Here, chappy, I'll show you that I am alive, if you don't keep '" hands off.'' Harold. Oh, I was only showing- you off to the ladies. (Terrestra sniilrs.) Pythia (sctnufulh/, but icilh anirnation). Sir, you know not the first principles of the True Philosophy ! Of course I see him — or fancy that I see him — but may I not see myself in a mirror, and would you have me think that I am truly there ? Can I not thrust a stick into the water, and see it bent ? But would you have me think that it is really bent? We cannot trust our eyes ! Harold (thoHyhtfidhj). Yes, that is so. [Aside). I think that I have "seen double" sometimes. [Aloud). But surely you heard him shriek? Pythia. Heard him ! Have you never heard people in your dreams? Come, Terrestra, we must get past them ! I am bored by the inane actions of these Harold. Gimlets, madam ! Absolutely without life, and, being- so — in fact not here, at all — I think that you may step right over them. Terrestra. Oh, Harold ! Pythia. Silence, Terresti*a I How dare you let the name of a man cross your virgin lips ? DREAM camp; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 19 Alphonso (asicU to Harold). Much good youi- advice did her ! And as to the lips, they are pretty apt to remain a virgin's, if the name of a man cZo»V cross them — eh, chappy? (Aloud). Come, come, Pythia! We are not going to stand any more of this I Terrestra, you know who we are, and what we are hei'e foi" — Terrestra {looking ((t Pythia). Indeed, sir, I am ignorant of your existence^because, you know, I— ah — wear in my hat the motto : Absolute Knowledge is Unattaina])le I (HOBBS and White ./W// inli> aich oIJk r's oirns). Harold (yusplng). "'Tu quoque," Terrestra? (Terrestra luKyhs and Pythia, lekntiny a littk, ftmUe,^ in .spite of herself. Both men, .seeing this, ru.sh forward. Alphonso taking Pythia by the hand, and Harold Terrestra, they advance to the front of the stage, and .sing.) Quartet. Terrestra, Pythia, Harold. Alphonso. Since — perhaps, we're not in existence, What's the use of off'ring i-esistance? Those who are not, cannot be doing Any wrong in pleasure pursuing. (Bet'ioeen tlic rer.ses they dance a little, ((nd Harold manages to tie his iiundkercheif over the .slat tie in sucJi a ic<(y as to hlind- fold It.) Tho-gl^ ) ;:S [ think \ ;^^ [ hands j ^ [ are holding, There's no need of giving a scolding. Ti- \ vou're / . r. • \ need / . \ fear / " i we're [ "othing, we -j ^^^^^ ,- not -^ ^^.^^, ^ you- Why in fact we would not be near you. { While the.y sing the folloicing verse, enter HoOP La. He .stnk that! I should he dreadfully wicked in talking to you, and, besides, Pythia would take me right away if she knew it. Harold. Well, I don"t know what we can think, then. It is bad enough to be told that one is ^' a nobody,'' DREAM CAMP ; OR, A MODERN CRAZE. 21 but to be calmly informed that one is absolutely notlimy — not even an inaiiintate something — is worse, yet. Really, Terrestra, it is crushing I Terrestka. J^dor Harold I Don't you feel like anything 'f Harold. Yes, I Ud all right, but you know we must not rely on our senses. Terrestra. Not even our common sense V Harold. No : Pythia would never allow that I But / have an idea. Let us suppose — and, for all we know, it is true — that 1 am Terrestra, and i/oii are Harold Augustus Hobbs ! Terrestra. Oh I Wha,t fun ! Harold. And then you see we can talk as much as we like, because, of course, it is all right for yon to talk to inc. and I am such an old heathen anyway, that I do not care if I do sin once more in talking to you, a man. Terrestra. Oh, Harold I — I mean Terrestra, you are pi'i-ftctly splendid I But how shall we arrange a])out going back to the camp V It would never do for you to go. Harold [don-hi). No, I am afraid that it wouldn't. Some of the girls ntlyht be so foolish as to trust to their senses. I think that you had better go back to the camp again, and I to the hotel with the fellows — we shall be kind of spies in the enemy's camp, you see. Perhaps, too, we had better call each other by oui- old names. (Stcjipiny to the front of tin t