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SIDNEY ANECDOTES: 
 
 SELECTED FROM HISTORY, 
 
 Ancient and M 
 
 I R AlTHL's 
 
 CHARLES AND AMBROSE SIDNEY 
 
 OF GLASTONIU RY. 
 
 l.OSDOX: 
 
 W. J. SEARS, WARWICK SQUARE, PATERNOSTER ROW. 
 
 1830. 
 

 
 IV SB ARM, i'!i INTER, II, BUDUK BOW, IVALJ1ROUK 
 
/(fit 
 
 lEfeturatum. 
 
 TO A BROTHER, 
 
 WHOSE BENEVOLENT DISPOSITION. 
 
 AND EXEMPLARY LIFE, 
 
 EXHIBITS THE BENEFICIAL EFFECTS OF 
 
 CHRISTIANITY 
 
 ON THE HEART AND CONDI I 
 
 BY HIS AFFECTIONATE BROTHERS, 
 
 
 April 1, 1830. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 TO ALL, 
 
 Who, piously inclinM, with Bob the Poet, 
 Will pray as Fools, and fairly own they know it ; 
 " O that ane the gift wouM gi'e u>. 
 To see ourseVs as ithers see us, 
 It wouM frae mony a hlunder free us, 
 
 An' foolish notion : 
 And mony a daft like thing wouM lea'e us — 
 E'en in devotion." 
 
 
Ssfonts amcuottg* 
 
 ANECDOTES OF FOLLY. 
 
 It is curious to observe the triumph of slight incident* over 
 the mind, and what incredible weight they have in forming and 
 governing our opinions both of men and things, — that " trifles 
 light as air," shall waft a belief into the soul, and plant it so 
 immoveable within it, that Euclid's demonstrations, could they 
 be brought to batter it in breach, should not all have power 
 to overthrow it. 
 
 " De gustibus non est disjtutandum." 
 
 PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS ON THE FOLLIES 
 OF MANKIND. 
 
 Most men are wise in their own conceit, — ergo, they 
 are fools : but there are as many degrees in folly, as 
 there are varieties in disposition. Some are born natu- 
 
 VOL. I. b 
 
a SIDNBY ANKCDOTES. 
 
 ral fools, others arc made fools of, and many more 
 fools .of themselves. We have natural fools of 
 rank, and many, possessed of property, who will lagely 
 tell us, that " If they he fools, their money a'n't." 
 
 We have others, in the lower grade of society, who 
 never were capable of stringing a couple of ideas toge- 
 ther, nor of keeping a shilling in their pockets. Some 
 are made fools of by others, being exposed in the naked 
 deformity of their minds, both in their conversation 
 and behaviour, or, if they have the temerity tc venture 
 to commit their crude ideas to paper, our good friends, 
 the reviewers, kindly endeavour to make them appear 
 as foolish as possible. Many more make fools of 
 themselves, by endeavouring to enact a part in the 
 drama of life, for which they are neither fitted by- 
 nature, habit, nor education ; thus, when we perceive a 
 man of Lilliputian stature, insult and strike a man who 
 could put him in his pocket ; or a man, or woman, 
 with splay feet, or bandy legs, setting themselves to 
 teach the graces, as rivals to d'Egville or Vestris— or, 
 one who has been bred in the midst of rudeness and 
 vulgarity, trying to put on the manners of the gentle- 
 man, and making a ridiculous blunder at his every 
 attempt at politeness, — or, one, who has had but little 
 education, and but little improved that little, presu- 
 ming to open his mouth on a subject he knows nothing 
 
PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. 3 
 
 of, and seemingly never will ; or, one who has got a 
 few ideas jumbled together, whether innate or not, he 
 knows not, nor cares from whence they arise, but 
 having learnt a little of the " Manual Exercise" of 
 penmanship, endeavouring to illuminate the world, 
 without being able to join two sentences together 
 grammatically, or even to spell correctly his own 
 mother tongue : neither of these seem to have occasion 
 to use Holy Willie's prayer, — " Lord bless us with a 
 good conceit of ourselves." Each can see his neigh- 
 bour's folly, but his self-conceit prevents his looking 
 inwardly, and perceiving his own foibles. 
 
 The great, and the reputed wise, sometimes are 
 guilty of acts of folly, which are the more conspicuous 
 from the high station they fill in society. We have 
 heard of a statesman Acting the part of a buffoon, and 
 endeavouring to flatter and amuse his master when 
 called to consult upon an affair of vital importance to 
 his country; and of some few who have betrayed 
 the trust reposed in them ; but these latter deserve a 
 stronger epithet than that of fools. 
 
 Some have undertaken offices in the state, for which 
 they were never qualified, and have made their sove- 
 reign look like a fool in the eyes of other persons, who 
 smiled at the foolish choice of the one, and the foolish 
 conduct of the other, of whom they made an easy dupe ; 
 
4 KIDNBT ANECDOTLs. 
 
 and we have known some, who have lost good places 
 through a foolish attachment to a party, who cared 
 not so much for their countiy or their king, as for them- 
 selves and their friends ; who foolishly thought they 
 had a weak man to deal with, who would be alarmed 
 at their desertion of him, and of their country, in a 
 trying and important period. In this they soon found 
 they had acted neither wisely nor patriotically, for 
 they looked very silly when they found that their 
 master could, and would, dispense with their services ; 
 having to their astonishment discovered, that there 
 really were a few remaining talents* which he could 
 employ in their stead. They cast a longing, lingering 
 look behind, but were not allowed again to taste the 
 fruit they had slighted ; their folly now became con- 
 spicuous even to themselves, but conviction and repent- 
 ance came too late, and they withdrew from the public 
 gaze, regretting their folly, and without the respect or 
 regret of their countrymen, whose cause they had for- 
 saken. 
 
 Wolsey was conceited, and haughty, and imperious, 
 lording it over both king and country, church and 
 state. J lis master had Btrong and ungovernable pas- 
 sions, and the cardinal flattered and encouraged him in 
 their gratification too rnucli, and too long, even to be 
 regarded by his prince, as a friend either to his person 
 
PREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. 5 
 
 or his government, for he was deprived of all his dignity 
 and authority by him who had been the source of his 
 almost regal influence and splendour, and reduced to 
 a very low state of degradation and penury, — proving 
 that " the friendships of the world are often confede- 
 racies in vice, or leagues of pleasure," — and that such 
 have not " sincerest virtue for their basis," for " such 
 a friendship ends not but with life." He saw, and re- 
 gretted, the folly of ambition, and of the means he used 
 to gratify his own pride, and with a doubtful repent- 
 ance exclaimed — " Had I served my God as faithfully 
 as I have served my king, he would not have cast me 
 off thus." A grand lesson this, in the page of history, 
 for ambitious and unprincipled statesmen ! 
 
 " Men may live fools, but fools they cannot die !" 
 
 so saith a good poet, who had studied manking, morally 
 and politically. 
 
 The follies of kings and governors are also on record 
 in the page of history, serving as a beacon to warn the 
 powers that be. Every head destined to wear a crown, 
 is not favoured with the wisdom of Solon. Some 
 are wise in council, yet foolish in action, like one of 
 our witty monarchs, — 
 
 b2 
 
6 MONEY ANEl'lMil i 
 
 M Who never said a, foolish thing, 
 Nor ever i/i</ a wt*« one." 
 
 Others are ambitious of the glory of conquest, like 
 Alexander, who whined like a foolish child, because 
 be could find no more enemies to combat with, nor 
 countries to overrun ; while others, like imperial Nap, 
 have lived to be shorn of all their power and influ- 
 ence, once approaching to universal dominion. Some 
 have been led by the nose by a prime minister, a favour- 
 ite, or a coaxing mistress, and others allowed them- 
 selves to be priest-ridden, of which we have a modern 
 instance, in one making a petticoat for the Virgin 
 Mary, who certainly does not now want such a thing, 
 although she might have found it useful, and considered 
 it a mark of respect, when in this world ; but by this 
 folly he thought he would please the priesthood, some of 
 whom are not such fools as to attach rny value to his 
 extraordinary and womanlike performance. Our own 
 Harry the VIII. bore the burthen of one, long enough 
 to know his weight to an ounce, but he shook him off 
 at last, and left him in the mud, to rise as he could, and 
 use his own two legs, or all four, as liked him best. 
 It is not now customary, nor perhapf . ry, for 
 
 and princes to have one about the court, yclept 
 the king's jester or fool ; perhaps they could not now 
 
 1 
 
FREFATORlf OBSERVATIONS. 7 
 
 relish the good things often spoken hy those foolish 
 wise men, who sometimes dared to tell them a bit of 
 truth, which a fawning courtier would have been afraid 
 of mentioning ; or, there are now so many witlings 
 about the courts, that the wise or amusing sayings of 
 a hired fool would be lost in the blaze of wit of our 
 modern courtiers; but we would venture a bit of advice 
 to a prince inclined to economy, that it would be a 
 saving to him, and perhaps to his country, were he to 
 retain only one fool in his service, and to recollect 
 what one, who was wiser than most of his own, or the 
 present day, said — " A companion of fools shall be 
 destroyed, but in the multitude of counsellors, (t. e. 
 wise men, able to advise, and honest,) there is 
 safety." 
 
 Even the wisest of our philosophers, statesmen, war- 
 riors, legislators, lawyers, moralists, and divines, have, 
 and have /tad, their follies, foibles, hobbies, and whim- 
 whams. " Have not the wisest of men in all ages, not 
 excepting Solomon himself, have they not had their 
 hobby horses ? their running horses, their coins, 
 and their cockle shells, their drums and their trumpets, 
 their fiddles, their pallets, their maggots, and their 
 butterflies ? And so long as a man rides his hobby 
 horse peaceably and quietly along the king's high- 
 way, and neither compels you nor me to get up behind 
 
b SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 him, * pray sir, what have either you or I to do with 
 
 it V God speed them, — e'en let them ride on 
 
 without opposition from mc, for, were they unhorsed this 
 very night, 'tis ten to one, but that many of them 
 would he worse mounted by one half, before to morrow 
 morning !" , 
 
 Some time ago there was a foolish wild goose^after 
 the philosopher's stone ; some thought they had found 
 it, others nearly so,— like a prize in the lottery, the 
 next thing to it ; but no one could positively assure 
 himself of having caught the prize. Many thought 
 they had found out the true theory of the heavens and 
 of the earth, until the enlightened and immortal New- 
 ton made fools of them all by his conclusive demon- 
 strations ! which some are still foolish enough not to 
 believe, because they do not comprehend them. Some 
 few would-be philosophers there have been foolish 
 enough to state there was not such a sensation as .pain, 
 although they were subject to hunger, thirst, and dis- 
 ease ; while some have gone so far as to deny their own 
 existence ! ---while all around them saw them with their 
 eyes, and wondered at their folly. We consider this 
 the very perfection of folly, which could not go farther 
 than to deny the existence of a Supreme Being ! We 
 have heard and seen the word atheist applied to such as 
 professed not to believe in the existence of an Eternal 
 
FREFATORY OBSERVATIONS. V 
 
 and Supreme Being ; but we have never met with any 
 one fool-hardy enough to avow his disbelief, although 
 many give practical evidence of their non-belief. To 
 such, the wise king of Israel seems to allude, when he 
 says," the fool hath said in his heart, there is no God." 
 We may here relate one anecdote, and fact, shewing— 
 
 THE FOLLY OF THOSE WHO PROPAGATE 
 
 INFIDELITY AND ATHEISM, BY THEIR 
 
 CONVERSATION OR PRACTICE; AND 
 
 THE CONSEQUENCE. 
 
 A servant who had wonderfully improved by the 
 irreligious and blasphemous conversation he heard, 
 while waiting at his master's table, embraced an oppor- 
 tunity of robbing his master: being discovered and 
 apprehended, he was urged to assign some reason for 
 his ingratitude and dishonesty. " Sir," he replied, 
 I have so often heard you speak of the impossibility 
 of a future state, and that after death there was no 
 reward for virtue, or punishment for vice, that I was 
 tempted to commit the robbery." "Well," replied 
 the master, " but had you no fear of that death which 
 the lans of your country inflict on a criminal?" 
 " Sir," rejoined the servant, with a stern eye upon his 
 master, " What is that to you ? If / had a mind to 
 
10 SIDNEV ANCCDu I 
 
 venture that, vm had removed my «.ui:vti:^i tear; 
 why should I fear the i kss ? This was the effect of 
 foolish eonrersotion, before those who require but a 
 
 small stimulus to do evil. 
 
 ALL FOOLS' DAY. 
 
 Till First of April was usually noted in the alma- 
 nacks as M All-tools' Day, until about a oenturj 
 
 -till a e ust; un in Britain on this day to send some 
 unsuspecting person* on some frivolous errand, sucb 
 as to buy a penn'orth of stirrup oil, 01 - milk, 
 
 — Of, tO ask for the History o( Kve's Mother, — or, to 
 
 dm one Irishes to Me them on particular bud 
 When they are not wanted. 
 
 In some parts of the north of England, and in 
 Seotland, the custom is nearly alike, with this little 
 difference, calling the party deceived a Gowk, instead 
 oi an April Fool\ GromA being die common name of 
 
 [am ooinimol that the ancient 
 I 
 iritfa the custom of mal 
 Of April. The making of April fools, after all the 
 
FOLLY. 1 I 
 
 conjectures which have been formed touching its 
 origin, is certainly borrowed from the French, and 
 may, I think, be deduced from this simple analogy. 
 The French call them April fish (poissons d'Avril), 
 i. e. Simpletons, or, in other words, silly mackarel, 
 who suffer themselves to be caught in this month. 
 But as, with us, April is not the season of that fish, 
 we have very properly substituted the word Fools. A 
 similar day of foollcry is kept among the Hindoos, 
 attended with the like species of witticism practised 
 here on the first of April. n 
 
 In Poor Robin's Almanack for 1770, there is a 
 pleasant attempt at a poetical description of the 
 modern fooleries of this day. 
 
 The first of April, some do say, 
 
 Is set apart for All Fools' day ; 
 
 But why the people call it so, 
 
 Nor I, nor they themselves, do know ; 
 
 But on this day are people sent, 
 
 On purpose for pure merriment ; 
 
 And though the day is known before, 
 
 Yet frequently there is great store 
 
 Of these forgetfuls to be found, 
 
 Who're sent to dance Moll Dixon's round y 
 
1*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 Ami having tried each shop ami stall, 
 
 And dissappointcd at them all, 
 
 At last some tells them of the cheat ; 
 
 Then they return from their pursuit, 
 
 And straightway home with shame they run, 
 
 And others laugh at what is done. 
 
 But 'tis a thing to be disputed, 
 
 Which is the greatest fool reputed,— 
 
 The man that innocently went, 
 
 Or he that him designedly sent." 
 
 FOOLISH SATISFACTION IN BEING THOUGHT 
 
 WISE. 
 
 "There is no project to which the whole race of 
 mankind is so universally a bubble ; as to that of being 
 thought wise ; and the affectation of it is so visible in 
 men of all complexions, that you every day see some 
 one so very solicitous to establish the character, as 
 not to allow himself leisure to do the things which 
 fairly win it ; expending more art and stratagem to 
 appear so in the eyes of the world, than what would 
 suffice to make him so in truth. 
 
 " It is owing to this desire, that you see, in general, 
 
FOLLV. 13 
 
 there is do injury touches a man so sensibly, as an 
 insult upon his parts and capacity: tell a man of 
 other defects, that he wants learning, industry, or 
 application ; he will hear your reproof with patience ; 
 nay, you may go farther, — take him in a proper sea- 
 son, you may tax his morals — you may tell him he is 
 irregular in his conduct, passionate, or revengeful in 
 his nature, and loose in his principles ; — deliver it 
 with the gentleness of a friend, possibly he will not 
 only bear with you, but if ingenuous he will thank you 
 for your lecture ; but hint, hint but a defect in his 
 intellectuals, touch but that sore place, from that mo- 
 ment you are looked upon as an enemy sent to torment 
 him before his time; and in return, may reckon upon 
 his resentment and ill-will for ever ; so that, in gene- 
 ral, you will find it safer, a better chance of being 
 forgiven for proving he has been wanting in a point of 
 common honesty, than a point of common sense. 
 Strange souls that we are ! As if to live well was not 
 the greatest argument of wisdom ! and as if what 
 reflected upon our morals, did not most of all reflect 
 upon our understandings V Lessons of ivisdom have 
 never such power over us, as when they are wrought 
 into the heart through the ground-work of a story 
 which engages the passions. Is it that we are like 
 iron, and must be heated, before we can be wrought 
 
U SIDNEY ANEi.Doi | 
 
 upon? Or, is the heart so in love with deceit, that 
 Where I trur report will not reach it, we must cheat it 
 with ixfablvy in oiiler to come at the truth ! I 
 
 FOLLY OF THE ROYALISTS, AND SAGACITY 
 OF CROMWELL. 
 
 The Protector having learnt that a party of the 
 friends of the exiled Charles II. assembled privately at 
 an inn at Islington, resolved to make one amongst 
 them ; and having disguised himself as a farmer, 
 alighted at the inn from a horse much splashed, as if 
 he had rode long and hard, and called for a mug of 
 ale. When the landlord put it before him, Oliver 
 asked him to drink, which brought on a conversation, 
 in which the Protector let fall some expressions which 
 induced Mr. Boniface to think he was no friend to the 
 Commonwealth. After several cups, he affected to 
 feel the effects of them, and with apparent candour 
 informed the landlord that the occasion of his journey 
 to London was a law suit he had depending, and as 
 I uncertain how long it would detain him, he 
 wished much he could find a set of honest men to pass 
 his time with, that he might be as little as possible in 
 
FOLLi'. iCf 
 
 that d— d town where his royal master was murdered. 
 Mine host being persuaded by his discourse that he 
 was one of the right royal sort, took upon him to 
 introduce Oliver to the said party, among whom he 
 was soon as free and merry as any of them, and 
 joined heartily in drinking " The King's return, and 
 destruction to the Protector," and other such toasts. 
 In the midst of all their jollity, a body of Oliver's 
 guards surrounded the house, the commanding officer 
 of which told the unsuspecting landlord, that he 
 wanted to see the Protector, who had ordered him to 
 wait upon him there, and that he was in such a com- 
 pany. Boniface assured the officer that his Highness 
 was not in his house; but being peremptorily ordered 
 to inquire for him, he went into the room laughing, 
 and said that an officer " wanted the Protector!" 
 Oliver, to their surprise, started up, and answered, 
 " Yes, here I am!" adding, " Now, gentlemen, you 
 may be convinced you cannot be secret enough to 
 evade my discovering you ; I pardon what is past, but 
 advise, not to let me find you out another time." 
 
1T> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 FOLLY OF THE TURKISH SUPERSTITION, 
 AND THEIR AVERSION TO SWINE'S FLESH. 
 
 Busbequiui tells us, that when he was ambassador 
 at Constantinople, but really a prisoner, as he could 
 not receive nor send any message without its being 
 inspected : being aware of the Turkish aversion to 
 every thing of the hog species, he hit upon the follow- 
 ing expedient: When anyone had a secret un- 
 to send him, he directed them to enclose it in a little 
 bag along with a roasting pig, and to send it by a 
 youth. When the chiaux * met the youth, and 
 asked him what he had there, he was instructed to 
 whisper in his ear and say, that a friend of his master 
 had sent him a present of a roasting pig. The 
 chiaux would then punch the bag with his stick, to 
 find out whether the boy told the truth or not ; and as 
 soon as he beard the pig squeak, he would run back as 
 fast as he could, saying, " Get thee in with thy nasty 
 it ;" then spitting on the ground, would add, 
 " 'Tis strange to see how these Christians dote on this 
 filthy, impure beast, they cannot forbear eating of it, 
 though their lives were at stake. " Thus was hi* guard 
 handsomely choused, and the boy brought him after- 
 wards any secret message that was sent him ! 
 
 ♦ A guard set over Dusbequius by the Turkish government. 
 
17 
 
 FOOLISH PREFERENCE OF A WITHY TO A 
 ROPE. 
 
 Brien O'Rourke, an Irish rebel, being condemned to 
 be hung, appeared greatly concerned at going to swing 
 in a common halter, and petiti6ned earnestly, not for 
 a pardon, or the preservation of life, but for a change 
 in the instrument of death, he only desired to die in a 
 withy instead of a rope. On being asked his reason 
 for making such an insignificant distinction, he an- 
 swered, " I am desirous of a distinction in life, which 
 has been paid to many of my countrymen, who have 
 been indulged in it." 
 
 MAKING A FOOL OF ANOTHER, AND OF 
 ONE'S SELF AT THE SAME TIME. 
 
 A collector of paintings, good, bad, and indiffe- 
 rent, but who thought himself a bit of a judge, had 
 contrived by sundry means to get together in his 
 possession a number of showy paintings, and some 
 copies from the first masters; but the judgment of our 
 collector not being quite perfect, he would often mis- 
 take a copy for an original, whereas had he but read 
 c2 
 
18 SIHNKY ANECDOTES. 
 
 any of the treatises on Painting, or the lives and 
 histories of the old painters, he must have found out 
 th.it only <»ic original being in existence, and that 
 in a particular gallery, could not by any possi- 
 bility have come into his possession. However, our 
 general collector having, as he thought, met with a 
 prize in a supposed original, and exultingly showed it 
 to several of his friends, equally able to discriminate, 
 one of whom strongly urged him to acquaint some one 
 of the rich connoisseurs of his having such a valuable 
 
 Claude in his possession. Sir John was the 
 
 man, and so a letter was sent to inform him that an 
 original Claude was to be seen at a house in Camber- 
 well. Away flies Sir John, in his carriage, full of 
 hopes of glutting his eyes on a rare production of 
 Claude's pencil. The carriage at last stops at the 
 door, his card is handed in, and the bustling possessor 
 of the breathing canvas hands the baronet into the 
 little room full of treasures. Casting his eyes about 
 in search of the wonder y and not finding any thing 
 like an original in the whole lot, he impatiently asked 
 where the said Claude was hung ; upon which the 
 man of little judgment, pointing to the supposed 
 rarity, says, " There, Sir John ! there is the gloning 
 original ! No sooner had this judge cast his eye on 
 it, than he perceived it was a miserable copy, and 
 
FOLLY. IV 
 
 turning indignantly to the conceited collector, said, 
 " What, sir, was you thinking of, when you desired 
 me to come all this way to look at such a daub as 
 that ; which 1 would not go across the street to look 
 at? Don't insult me in future :" and away he 
 flung. 
 
 HOLIDAYS RECOGNIZED, BUT NOT KEPT. 
 
 Many of the Saints' 1 -days, &c. of our Catholic fore- 
 fathers, are recognized by the good folks of the present 
 day, but strangely perverted by us in their observance, 
 being employed in feasting instead of fasting. Lent 
 was institute e primitive Christians 
 
 commenced their Lent on the Sunday now called the 
 first in Lent. In A.D. 487, Pope Felix III. added the 
 four days preceding the Old Lent Sunday, to make the 
 fasting days amount to forty, which is the proper 
 number. 
 
 Pope Gregory the Great introduced the sprinkling 
 of ashes on the first of these four days, named Dies 
 Cinerum, or Ash Wednesday; and in 1091, the 
 Council of Eeneventum strictly enforced its observance, 
 which continued until the Reformation. 
 
20 SIDNEV ANECDOTIC 
 
 Some notable instructions for keeping true Lent, 
 are given by Henrick in his "Noble NUMB] 
 which shows, that in his time there were many fonder 
 of feasting than fasting. 
 
 Is this a fast, to keep 
 
 The larder leane, 
 
 And clean 
 
 From fat of veales and sheep ? 
 
 Is it to quit the dish 
 
 Of flesh, yet still 
 
 To fill 
 
 The platter high with fish ? 
 
 Is it to fast an hour, 
 
 Or, ragged to go 
 
 Or show 
 
 A downcast look or snore ? 
 
 No ; 'tis a fast to dole 
 Thy sheaf of wheat 
 And meat 
 Unto the hungry soul. 
 
 • 
 
21 
 
 It is to fast from strife, 
 From old debate 
 And hate ; 
 To circumcise thy life. 
 
 To shew a heart grief rent, 
 
 To starve thy sin, 
 
 Not bin ; 
 
 And thaVs to keep thy Lent. 
 
 FOOLISH PHILOSOPHY. 
 
 A heathen philosopher may talk very elegantly 
 about despising the world, and, like Seneca, may 
 prescribe very ingenious rules to teach us an art he 
 meter exercised himself; for all the while he was 
 writing in praise of poverty, he was enjoying a great 
 estate, and endeavouring to make it greater; but if 
 ever we hope to reduce those rules to practice, it must 
 be by the help of religion. — Sterne. 
 
22 SIDNEY ANEcDul l 
 
 FOLLY OF A CAPRICIOUS AND JESTING 
 MASTER OF A COLLEGE. 
 
 Towards the close of the 16tli eentury, Dr. Soames, 
 being the master of Peter House, Cambridge, Mary, 
 the widow of Thomas Ramsay, lord mayor of London, 
 who had before conferred several favours upon that 
 foundation, did actually proffer to settle five hundred 
 pounds a year, (a very large sum at that time), upon 
 the house, provided it might be called the house of 
 "Peter and Mary." "No," said the capricious 
 master, " Peter, who has lived so long single, is too 
 old now for a. female partner." " A dear jest," says 
 Fuller, " for the lady, disgusted at the doctor's fantas- 
 tic scruples, turned the stream of her benevolence to 
 the benefit of other public foundations." 
 
 ST. PETER A FOOL BY COMPARISON. 
 
 A friar in Italy, both clever and learned, was com- 
 manded to preach before the Pope at the time of the 
 Jubilee, and went to Rome, before the appointed day, 
 in order to see the manner of the Conclave, and adapt 
 his sermon to the solemnity of the occasion. On that 
 
FOLLV. 23 
 
 day he ascended the pulpit, and having finished his 
 prayer, he exclaimed with a loud voice, " St. Peter was 
 a fool !" which he repeated three times, and then 
 descended from the pulpit ! The astonished Pope 
 immediately questioned him on his strange conduct, 
 when he replied, " If, Holy Father, a Cardinal can go 
 to heaven abounding in wealth, honour, and prefer- 
 ment, and liviug at ease, wallowing in luxury, and 
 seldom or never preaching, St. Peter certainly was a 
 fool, who took so hard a way of travelling thither, by 
 fasting, preaching, abstinence, and humiliation."— 
 The Pope could not deny the reasonableness of the 
 reply. 
 
 YORKSHIRE SUPERSTITION. 
 
 Mr. Brand states, that it is a custom among the 
 common people in Yorkshire, to sit and watch in the 
 church porch, on the eve of Saint Mark, from eleven 
 at night, until one in the morning. This is to be done 
 three years, and on the third year they are supposed 
 to see the ghosts of all those who are to die the next 
 year, pass by into the ehurch. 
 
24 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 When any one sichenx, that is thought to have been 
 seen in this manner, it is presently whispered about 
 that he will not recover ; for that such or such an one, 
 who has watched St. Mark's eve, has said so. This 
 superstition is in such force, that if the patients them- 
 selves hear of it, they almost despair of recovery. 
 Many are said to have actually died by their 
 imaginary fears on this occasion ; a truly lamentable 
 but by no means incredible instance of human 
 folly ! 
 
 FOLLY OF A DRUNKEN PERSON. 
 
 A man in a state of intoxication, attempting: to pass 
 through a court, thinking it to be the street, but as he 
 found interruption, he thought that some person inter- 
 cepted him in the passage, on which he drew his sword, 
 and began hacking and hewing a stone post, which he 
 took for a man. Seeing the sparks which the collision 
 brought forth, he drew back, exclaiming, "oh ! what a 
 villain ! he carries fire arms !" 
 
 
25 
 
 A FOOLISH ANSWER BY A SLEEPY LAWYER. 
 
 A puisne judge having fallen asleep on the bench 
 during a trial, continued his nap until its conclusion ; 
 when, on being asked his opinion, he rubbed his eyes, 
 and called out, " Hang him ! hang him" ! but on 
 being informed that the matter at issue, was not a man, 
 but a meadow,—" Well then" says he, " mow it ! mow 
 it" ! 
 
 A DRUNKEN MAN MADE A FOOL OF, AFTER 
 MAKING HIMSELF ONE. 
 
 Philip, the good duke of Burgundy, in one of his 
 evening walks in Bruges, found a drunken man lying 
 in the public square, in a sound sleep ; he ordered him 
 to be taken up and conveyed to his palace, where he was 
 stripped of his rags, and accommodated with a clean 
 fine shirt and night- cap, and put into one of the duke's 
 best beds. When he awoke, he found himself in a 
 beautiful alcove, and surrounded by officers very 
 richly dressed ; and was still more astonished when 
 they addressed him most humbly, asking rvhat dress his 
 Highness wished to put on for the day, as he knew he 
 had but one, which had served him for a long time. 
 
 D 
 
J'» SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 After many assurances that he was no prince, but 
 indeed a poor cobler, he was at last constrained to 
 submit, and bear all the honours they seemed determined 
 to load him with, and suffered them to dress him. 
 He then appeared in public ; heard mass in the chapel, 
 and kissed the mass-book, and in fact did go through 
 all the ceremonies of the morning. At dinner he was 
 sumptuously served, and waited upon, and afterwards 
 joined a card party, then to a walk, and returned to 
 other entertainments. After supper being placed before 
 him and partaken of, he was led to the ball room, where 
 also he was received with princely honours. The poor 
 man having never, before this, seen or tasted such rich 
 and good things, partook freely of all that was handed 
 to him ; and the wine being also of the best quality, he 
 felt no reluctance in indulging himself abundantly j so 
 that he got as much intoxicated as when they found 
 him in the street, and was soon again in as sound a 
 sleep as before. In this state they disrobed him, and 
 replaced his own mean clothing, and carried him to 
 the place where they had found him on the previous 
 night, where he slept soundly until the morning. When 
 he awoke, he returned home to his wife, and related to 
 her as a dream, that which had really happened to 
 him ! 
 
FOLLV. 27 
 
 FOLLY OF WITCHCRAFT, AND ITS BELIEVERS. 
 
 When lord chief justice Holt was on the Oxford cir- 
 cuit, a woman was put on her trial for witchcraft; 
 having done many injuries to her neighbours, their 
 houses, goods and cattle, by means of having in her 
 possession a ball of black worsted, which she had 
 received from a person, who told her that it had certain 
 properties. The poor old woman did not deny the pos- 
 session of the said ball, but said that she had never done 
 any one harm with it, but on the contrary, good ; and 
 that they only envied her having such an important 
 thing in her possession. "Well," says the judge, "you 
 seem to admit having used the ball as a charm; now, 
 will you tell me how long you have had it, and from 
 whom you had it?" The poor woman answered, that 
 she kept a small public house, near to Oxford, about 
 forty years ago ; and one day, a party of young men 
 belonging to the University, came to her house, and 
 ate and drank what they liked to call for, but had no 
 money among them wherewith to pay for what they 
 devoured ; and that one of the young men gave her, in 
 lieu of it, the said ball ; which he assured her would do 
 wonders for her, as it possessed surprising powers; and 
 the youth looked so grave and wise, that she believed him; 
 
SIDNLV 
 
 and she had no occasion to repent of it, for it had 
 really done a great deal of good to herandotb 
 "Well my good woman," said his lordship, "did the 
 young man say any thing about unwinding the hall ?" 
 s, my lord, he told me, that if I should do so, 
 the charm would he gone ; and here it is (producing it) 
 in the same state I had it forty years ago." The judge 
 having requested her to hand it up to him, for his 
 inspection, he thus addressed the jury : 
 
 "Gentlemen. — I believe it is known to some of you, 
 that I was educated at the University of Oxford; and 
 it is now about forty years ago ; like some of my com- 
 panions, I joined in youthful frolics, which riper judg- 
 ment taught me were wrong. On one occasion about 
 that period, I recollect of going to the house, which it 
 appears this woman then kept ; neither I nor any of 
 my companions having any money, I thought of this 
 expedient in order to satisfy her claim upon us. I pro- 
 duced a ball of black worsted, and having written a few 
 Hebrew characters on a slip of paper, I put it inside, 
 telling her, that in that consisted a charm that would 
 do wonders for her and others: seeing she believed 
 in the deception, we quietly took our departure, but 
 not before I had enjoined her never to undo the said ball. 
 Now, Gentlemen, in order to prove to your minds the 
 fnlli/ of those who believe in, and j)erseeute y suc»h deluded 
 
FOLLY. 29 
 
 and silly creatures as this woman, now arraigned as a 
 witch, I will undo this ball before your eyes, and I 
 have no doubt will find the characters 1 wrote on a 
 slip of paper forty years ago." The judge soon unwound 
 the ball, and produced the identical paper, with the 
 Hebrew characters ; which so convinced the jury of 
 thejolly and absurdity of the then general belief, that 
 the woman was immediately pronounced not guilty. 
 and discharged ! 
 
 Note. — We believe this was the last trial for 
 witchcraft; although the statute still remained a [dis- 
 grace to the statute book for many years afterwards, 
 even until a few years back ; when finally repealed, at 
 the hour of between twelve and one, in the morning; 
 which caused my lord Castlereagh to make the remark, 
 that " the House was giving the quietus to the old 
 witches act, at witching time of night" ! 
 
 A MAN MADE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL, BY A 
 MADMAN. 
 
 A very reprehensible practice exists of exhibiting the 
 interior of a madhouse to the idly curious, we might 
 d2 
 
30 sidnky AMBODOTE8. 
 
 say the inhumane, although some do visit such places 
 with a benevolent intention. A gentleman having ac- 
 companied the celebrated traveller Mr. Park, in a visit 
 to Bedlam, in London, recognis ed an old acquaint- 
 ance, whom he had not seen for some years, among 
 those who were allowed to walk about without personal 
 restraint A mutual recognition, and some civilities, 
 having taken place between them, they were about to 
 shake hands and part, when the insane person struck 
 the visitor a smart blow on the side of the head, whieh 
 occasioned him to ask his supposed sane friend the rea- 
 son of his strange salutation ; who replied, laughing 
 sneeringly, and pointing his finger at him, " What a 
 fool you are to look for reason in a madhousel" This 
 the traveller related to a reverend friend, as a eaution, 
 when accompanying him on a like visit. 
 
 GALLIC FOLLY REPROVED. 
 
 On a recent occasion, when this country was divided 
 into several factions, each seemingly ready to embrace 
 the first favourable opportunity for obtaining the ascen- 
 dancy ; our neighbours across the channel, ever eager 
 to take advantage of our internal divisions, began to 
 
FOLLV. 31 
 
 consult among themselves how and when to make a 
 descent upon our " tight little island." 
 
 Our ambassador then at the Parisian court, having 
 had a secret impression of their intentions, as well as a 
 hint from a friend at court, betheught himself of a 
 scheme, whereby he might discover a knowledge of 
 their treacherous intentions ; and at the same time 
 expose their folly, even to themselves. He invited the 
 ministers of state, and others of the court, to a grand 
 entertainment ; when he had an amphitheatre erected, 
 and several exhibitions prepared to amuse his party. 
 Among the rest, he introduced two noble bulls, nearly of 
 the same size, who soon fell to it in good earnest, but 
 after fighting some time with alternate success, they were 
 surprised by the intrusion of a large and fierce dog,who 
 immediately attacked one of the bulls, who soon 
 turned upon his new adversary, in which he waj joined 
 by his late opponent. 
 
 These two having beaten the dog out of the pit, 
 would have renewed their contest, but the scene here 
 ended, and the company retired to renew the feast in 
 the hall. Many surmises were made about the inten- 
 tion of this last exhibition and its finale. At last one 
 ventured to ask him publicly, the reason of the uncom- 
 mon interruption ; when he replied, " that as he under- 
 stood there were certain parties present, who meditated 
 
:*2 IIDNET ANECDOT1 
 
 taking advantage of the present distentions among his 
 countrymen, he intended this as a lesson to them, that 
 Britons, however divided amongst themselves, would 
 not brook the interference of a common enemy." The 
 project had the desired effect, and the idea of invasion 
 was abandoned ! 
 
 FOOLISH VANITY OF OUR VIRGIN QUEEN. 
 
 This queen, whom Dodsley chronieled as having 
 brave and skilful admirals and generals, whose coun- 
 sellors were sage, and whose maids of honour had 
 beef- steaks to breakfast, was not a little vain of her 
 personal appearance, and seemed highly pleased by the 
 incense of flattery offered her by those of her own and 
 foreign courts. On one occasion a grand tournament 
 was held in the tilt-yard at the palace of Whitehall, 
 in honour of the commissioners of France, who came 
 from the duke d'Anjou with proposals of marriage to 
 the queen. According to Pennant, a banqueting house 
 was erected at a great expence,— the gallery for the 
 queen was named the castle, or fortress of perfect 
 beauty ! The queen, though now forty-eight years of 
 
FOLLY. 33 
 
 age, received these flattering compliments, better 
 suited for a girl in the bloom of youth. 
 
 This fort of perfect beauty was assailed by Desire, 
 and his four foster children : persons of the first rank 
 were the combatants, attacking and defending, and a 
 regular summons was sent to the possessor of the for- 
 tress, along with a fulsome song, one of the stanzas 
 running thus: 
 
 " Yeeld, yeeld, O yeeld, you that this fort do hold, 
 "Which is seated in spotless honours feeld; 
 Desire's great force nor forces can withhold •> 
 Then to Desire's desire, O, yeeld, O, yeeld !" 
 
 Next followed a discharge of two cannons, the first 
 loaded with street ponder ! and the other with scented 
 water ! Then a mock assault was made with elegant 
 scaling ladders, and flowers flung against the walls. 
 These gallant weapons proving of no effect, Desire 
 was repulsed, and compelled to submit— Was it not 
 matter of surprise, that an entertainment so pnerile 
 could amuse the mind of a woman who possessed abili 
 ties capable of governing a powerful nation, and of 
 maintaining its respectability among the other na- 
 tions in Europe? 
 
M S1DNKV ANECDOTE*. 
 
 A FOOLISH APPREHENSION. 
 
 A queen of Spain, on her road to Madrid, passing 
 through a small town famous for the manufactory of 
 gloves and stockings, the magistrates thought they 
 could not pay her a greater compliment than by pre- 
 senting her majesty with a sample of the articles for 
 which the town was famed. The major-domo, who 
 conducted the queen, received the gloves very graciously, 
 but when the stockings were presented, he flew into a 
 violent rage, and reprimanded the magistrates severely 
 for this piece of indecency : " Know," said he, " that 
 a queen of Spain has no legs. 11 The poor young 
 queen, who had but an imperfect knowledge of the 
 Spanish language, and had been often alarmed with 
 accounts of Spanish jealousy, imagined they were pre- 
 paring to cut off her legs, and began to weep bitterly, 
 and begged they would conduct her back into Germany, 
 as she was sure she should never be able to endure that 
 operation, and it was with considerable difficulty they 
 could appease her. 
 
 Philip IV. it is said, never laughed so heartily as at 
 this story. 
 
35 
 
 FOLLY AND SUPERSTITION OF A QUEEN 
 OF ENGLAND. 
 
 In the year 1552 Bishop Ridley went to Hunsden, 
 to payhis duty to the princess Mary (afterwards queen). 
 She thanked him for his civility, and entertained him 
 with very pleasant discourse for half an hour, telling 
 him she remembered him at court, and mentioned 
 particularly a sermon of his preached before her father, 
 and then leaving her chamber of presence, dismissed 
 the bishop to dine with her officer. After dinner she 
 sent for him, when the bishop told her, that he did not 
 come only to pay his duty to her Grace by waiting 
 on her, but farther to offer his service to preach before 
 her the next Sunday, if she would be pleased to permit 
 him. Her countenance changed at this, and she con- 
 tinued some time silent : at last she said, " As for this 
 matter, my lord, make the answer to it yourself. ,, 
 The bishop mentioned that his office aud duty obliged 
 him to make this offer. She again desired him to 
 make the answer to himself; for that he could not but 
 know what it would be : yet, if the answer must come 
 from her, she told him the parish church doors should 
 be open for him if he came, and that he might preach 
 if he pleased ; but that neither could she hear him, 
 nor should any of her scrcants. "Madam," said the 
 
36 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 bishop, <• I trust you will not refuse to hear Cod's 
 word." " I cannot tell," answered Mary, " what you 
 call Cod's word ; that is not Cod's word mow, that was 
 God's word in my father's days." The bishop observed, 
 that God's word was tlie same at all times, but has 
 been6e//er understood and practised in some ages than 
 in others : upon which she could refrain her anger no 
 longer, but told him, " You durst not for your ears 
 have avouched that for God's word in my father's days, 
 which you do now,"---and then, to show how able a 
 judge she was in that controversy, she added, " as for 
 your new books, I thank God, I never read any of them, 
 / never did, and never will ! ' ' She then launched out 
 in many bitter invectives against the present form of 
 religion established, and parted from the bishop with 
 these words :---" My lord, for your civility in coming 
 to see me, I thank you, but for your offering to preach 
 before me, I thank you not a whit /" 
 
 This bigotry of the princess, gave the bishop but a 
 sorrowful prospect of what was to be expected when 
 the princess came to the crown ! 
 
37 
 
 FOOLISH SPEECH OF A SENATOR, 
 
 Sergeant Beale " marvelled much that the House 
 should demur in granting the subsidy, or in the time 
 of payment, when all we have is her majesty's, and 
 she may lawfully at pleasure take it from us, — yea, 
 she has as much right to all our lands and goods, as 
 to any revenue of the crown [hums and laughs] ; 
 well, your humming shall not put me out of counte- 
 nance — I can prove my position :— in the time of 
 Henry III., king John, and king Stephen, &,e. &c. — " 
 laughter still louder, till at last the sergeant was 
 hummed to his seat He was afterwards more parti- 
 cularly exposed for his slavish principles. 
 
 FOOLISH PROFUSION. 
 
 Duclos mentions, that at the splendid festival pre- 
 pared by Fouquet for Louis XIV. at his chateau de 
 Baux, the steward was ordered to put into every 
 courtier's room a purse full of gold, to supply the 
 wants of those who might be without money, or had 
 but little for the royal gaming table. The gentlemen 
 
 vol. r. E 
 
38 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 in the king's retinue looked on this provident and 
 • us attention of the master of the house as a 
 piece of gallantry and munificence, and made use of 
 the purses without the least scruple ; and he says, 
 that such marks of ostentation were not uncommon 
 in those days. 
 
 ANOTHER INSTANCE OF PROFUSION, 
 
 Was exhibited by the Master of the Mint, in 1640, 
 when the first new louis's were coined in France. 
 After dinner he had three large baskets full of the 
 new coin presented as part of the desert, to five of his 
 guests, who were favourites of the monarch, and they 
 were invited to make free, and partake of whatever 
 was placed before them. The courtiers, pleased with 
 the sight of the new fruit, this golden rarity, fell 
 greedily upon it, and soon filled their pockets, and 
 hastened home without even waiting for their carri- 
 ages; while the Master smiled at the embarrass- 
 ment of the encumbered and bustling lords, as they 
 walked, or rather trotted home with their golden 
 load. 
 
PROFUSION OF A FRENCH MISTRESS. 
 
 It is impossible to enumerate the millions which the 
 Marquis de Marigny reaped from the inheritance of 
 the Marchioness de Pompadour, his sister (mistress 
 of Louis XV.) The sale of her furniture alone lasted 
 a year. — Private Life of Louis XV. vol. iv. p. 29. 
 
 TURKISH PROFUSION. 
 
 The reformation of the Imperial Court was one of 
 the frst and most necessary acts of the government of 
 Julian. Soon after his entrance iuto the palace of 
 Constantinople, he had occasion for the services of a 
 barber. An officer magnificently dressed presented 
 himself :— " It is a barber I want," exclaimed the 
 prince, with affected surprise, " and not a receiver- 
 general of the finances.' ' He then questioned the 
 man concerning the profits of his employment, and 
 was informed that, besides a large salary, and some 
 valuable perquisites, he enjoyed a daily allowance for 
 twenty servants, and as many horses ! 
 
 A thousand barbers, a thousand cupbearers, a 
 
40 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 thousand cooks, were distributed in the several offices 
 of luxury, and the number of eunuchs could be com- 
 pared only with the insects of a summer day.— Gibbon, 
 vol. ii. p. 283. 
 
 A FOOLISH BARBER-SURGEON. 
 
 A young barber from Dantzic, more expert in 
 gallantry than surgery* having married the widow of 
 Tirmond, one of the most able surgeons of Peter the 
 Great, czar of Russia, and his favourite, became very 
 rich by the marriage, and made a great figure at 
 Moscow. The czar having one day sent for him, he 
 went to court magnificently dressed, and in his most 
 elegant carriage. Peter examined him minutely, and 
 bluntly told him he was a blockhead, and immedi- 
 ately called in a number of valets and peasants, and 
 ordered him to shave them all without delay, which 
 order the gentleman barber was under the necessity 
 of complying with, to the great amusement of the 
 court; after which he was allowed to return home, 
 with the same stately parade in which he had come ! 
 
41 
 
 FOOLISH APPEARANCE. 
 
 Peter the Great was not very punctilious on some 
 occasions. In his way to Holland, in 1776, he came 
 to Dantzic just as divine service had commenced, and 
 desired that he might be conducted to church ; when 
 the burgomaster waited upon him, and conducted the 
 czar to the seat of the chief magistrate. Peter being 
 seated, he desired the burgomaster to sit by him, and 
 listened with great attention to the sermon ; but find- 
 ing his head rather cold, he on a sudden, and without 
 speaking a word, took off the magistrate's periwig, 
 and gravely covered his own head with it. Both 
 remained in that ludicrous situation until the end of 
 the sermon, when the czar, with a nod of acknow- 
 ledgment, replaced the magistrate's head ornament. 
 
 A FOOLISH ANSWER. 
 
 An aged man, who had not had the benefit of early 
 education, or had not attended to it, in the North, 
 where it is so easily obtained, being, along with others, 
 examined by his pastor, and asked, who made him ? 
 replied, " In truth, sir, I don't recollect!" " For 
 e2 
 
19 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 shame! 1 ' says the minister; " a man of your years 
 cannot tell me who made you !" Then addressing 
 a little hoy, " My lad, can you tell me?" The hoy 
 having answered properly, the minister then rated the 
 old man for allowing a youth to outdo him in such a 
 simple question; to which the man replied, " Why, 
 no thanks to him, sir, for he was last made ?" Being 
 again asked, who was the first man ? nearly the same 
 answer was returned,—" In truth, sir, I canna tell." 
 The boy having answered this also, another trial of 
 his knowledge was made. " Now, then, can you tell 
 me who was the first woman ? The old man smiled, 
 as if he thought this quite an unnecessary question, or 
 put to him in a "joke ; and on being pressed for an 
 answer, replied, with seeming exultation, " Who but 
 Mrs. Adam, sir ?" 
 
 FOOLISH ATTEMPT AT DESCRIPTION. 
 
 A person who frequently attempts the use of words 
 he does not understand, happening lately to visit the 
 apartment in which the late duke of York was lying 
 in state, on his return home seemed brimful of the 
 object he had been viewing, and among other gloomy 
 
 
FOLLY. 43 
 
 descriptions of the solemn and imposing spectacle, 
 told them, that there was a most helegant chevalier 
 expended from the ceiling 1 
 
 ORIENTAL ARROGANCE, AND ITS ANTIDOTE. 
 
 The ambassador from the governor and council of 
 India to Hyder Ally, appointed to adjust the prelimi- 
 »f peace, hail several audiences and conferences 
 at Hyder's durbar, when Hyder, like Jupiter, was 
 surrounded with his satellites, his petty subbahs and 
 naboblings. During the discussion of the treaty, 
 
 Mr. S hail occasion to mention the resour 
 
 Great Britain, when one of the sycophants with which 
 Hyder was surrounded, vith contemptuous arr< - 
 demanded, " Who, and what is the king of England ? 
 We know nothing of the king of England!" To 
 which insolent query Mr. S. replied, in the spirit of a 
 true Briton, u Sir, I answer no questions but those of the 
 Nabob; but in order to satisfy your curiosity, and 
 to correct your insolence , 1 will tell you in a few words 
 who the king of England is. " The king of England 
 is a prince who has three hundred thousand of the 
 finest troops in the world at command, ten thousand 
 
fl IIDKBT ANECDOTES. 
 
 of whom would at any time make a conquest of your 
 country ; and you may be thankful for your remote- 
 ness from his power for your safety in this repli- 
 cation." This coup-de-grace completely silenced the 
 impertinent Asiatic. 
 
 A LITTLE MAN IN A BIG WIG. 
 
 An eccentric member of the House of Commons, 
 some few years ago, having come into the House 
 after taking refreshment at the coffee-house adjoining, 
 and being in good trim for a speech, in making 
 allusion to the chair, or rather to the personage who 
 occupied it, they signalised him with a particular 
 direction of the finger. " I mean that little man 
 with a big iriy, there ;" for which piece of eccentricity 
 he was sent to Coventry, that is, committed to 
 the custody of the serjeant at arms, afterwards repri- 
 manded, and released on paying the f ees ! 
 
u 
 
 FOOLISH DECISION. 
 
 In the time of the Popish plot, an Irish physician 
 was charged with writing a treasonable libel, but 
 denied the thing, and appealed to the unlikeness of 
 the characters. It was agreed, they said, that there 
 was no resemblance at all in the hands; but the 
 doctor had two hands, his physic hand and his plot 
 hand, and they insisted upon it, that because it was 
 not like his hand, it was his hand ! 
 
 FOLLY AND CREDULITY OF OUR ANCESTORS. 
 
 Bougey was a Franciscan, and lived towards the 
 end of the thirteen century, a doctor of divinity, and 
 a particular acquaintance of Friar Bacon. In that 
 ignorant age every thing that seemed extraordinary 
 was reputed magic, and so Bacon and Bougey went 
 under the imputation of studying the black art. 
 Bougey also published a treatise of natural magic, 
 which confirmed some well-meaning credulous people 
 in this opinion ; but it was altogether groundless, for 
 Bougey was chosen principal of his order, being a 
 person of most excellent parts and piety. 
 
H MDNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 A BARRISTER PUZZLED BY A BUMPKIN. 
 
 On a trial at Cambridge, about 1810, in a case 
 where there was a dispute about felling some trees, 
 for the purpose of widening a river, at an improper 
 season of the year, when the wood was not in a fit 
 state to be cut down, one witness appeared so very 
 ignorant, that he could not say whether it took place 
 on or before Lady-day, Midsummer, Michaelmas, or 
 Christmas. " The counsel, as usual, took advantage of 
 his ignorance, to banter him not a little : " What a 
 pretty fellow you are to come into a witness's box, 
 and cannot tell which are the names of the quarter- 
 days, and so on. The bumpkin, scratching his head, 
 said he didn't know much about what the gentleman 
 meant, but he believed the trees were cut about Hal- 
 lommass? " Hallowmass !" exclaimed the barrister j 
 "when is that?" "Why, doesn't thee know that, 
 sir?" said the witness. A general laugh ensued, in 
 which the judge could hardly refrain from joining, 
 and was compelled to call the tipstaves to take any 
 one into custody who continued to disturb the court. 
 
47 
 
 A COUNSEL'S OPINION OF THE FOLLY OF 
 GOING TO LAW. 
 
 Counsellor M t, being in company one day, 
 after he had retired from practice, the glorious uncer- 
 tainty of the law became the subject of conversation. 
 He was appealed to for his opinion ; when he laco- 
 nically observed, "If any man was to claim the 
 coat upon my back, and threaten me with a law suit 
 in case of a refusal to give it him, he certainly should 
 have it, lest in drfendiny my coat, I should find out, 
 too late, that I was deprived of my waistcoat also ! n 
 
 AN USURIOUS BANKER OUTWITTED. 
 
 An old and rich banker at Lyons, named Corvu, 
 who had amassed a large fortune by extortion and 
 usury, was consequently visited with frequent qualms 
 of conscience. Louis Brabant, valet-de-chambre to 
 Francis the First of France, possessed the gift of 
 ventriloquism in an eminent degree, which he some- 
 times made use for amusement, and at other times 
 for his advantage. He had fallen in love with a rich 
 
m:v anecdotes. 
 
 and handsome heiress, but, on aeeount of the sraall- 
 f his fortune, could not gain the consent of 
 her parents ; hut the father dying shortly after, he 
 waited upon the widow, and in the presence of several 
 visitors imitated the voice of her late husband, which 
 he made appear as coming from above, directing her 
 her daughter to Louis Brabant in marriage, as 
 he was a man of good fortune and character ; for that 
 he was now in purgatory in consequence of having 
 refused her to him ; and that, if she gave her consent, 
 he would then be released. The widow, believing in 
 the voice as supernatural, and feeling for the soul of 
 her late lord and master, at last gave her consent to 
 receive him as her son in-law. 
 
 Succeeding thus far, he bethought himself of the 
 rich banker at Lyons, on whom he next intended to 
 exert his talent, in order to recruit his financ?s, which 
 at this time were very low. Behold him now tete-a- 
 tete with the old usurer in his little back parlour, con- 
 versing about demons and spectres, whieh he artfully 
 introduced, adding the pains of purgatory and the 
 torments of the damned. In a short and silent inter- 
 val, a voice was heard like that of the banker's de- 
 ceased father, complaining of being in purgatory, 
 from which he could only be liberated by his giving 
 into the hands of Louis Brabant a large sum of 
 
FOLLY. 49 
 
 money for the redemption of the slaves among the 
 Turks ; at the same time threatening him with future 
 punishment if he did not obey his request. 
 
 Louis now affected a great deal of surprise, and 
 farther aided his deception by admitting that he cer- 
 tainly was devoting himself to the charitable purpose 
 to which the ghost alluded ! The suspicions of an 
 old usurer are not easily satisfied, and he made an- 
 other appointment with Louis for the next day, but 
 took care, he thought, that it should be utterly im- 
 possible any deception could be practised upon him, 
 by agreeing to meet him in an open field, where 
 neither bush, tree, hill, nor pit, could conceal a confe* 
 derate. On the next day the banker led Louis into the 
 field, but at every step his ears were saluted with the 
 groans and complaints of his father, and his other 
 deceased relations, imploring him, in the name of all 
 the saints in the calendar, to have mercy on his own 
 soul, and theirs, by effectually seconding with his 
 purse the pious intentions of the worthy Louis Bra- 
 bant. Corvu, already sufficiently alarmed, was now 
 convinced, and could no longer resist the supposed 
 voice of heaven, took his guest home with him, and 
 paid into his hands ten thousand croivns, with which 
 the honest and pious Louis returned to Paris, and 
 immediately after married the heiress ! 
 
 F 
 
fifl SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 OBSERVATIONS ON 
 
 FOOLISH FEARS OF DEATH. 
 
 There are many instances of men who have received 
 the news of death with the greatest ease of mind, and 
 even entertained the thoughts of it with smiles upon 
 their countenances — and this, either from the strength 
 of spirits, and the natural cheerfulness of their temper, 
 or, that they knew the world, and cared not for it, or, 
 expected a better ; yet thousands of good men, with all 
 the helps of philosophy, and against all the assurances 
 of a well-spent life, that the charge must lie to their 
 account, upon the approach of death, have still leaned 
 towards this world, and wanted spirits and resolution 
 to bear the shock of a" separation from it for ever.— 
 Sterne, Sermon 18. 
 
 MAC£NAS» FEAR OF DEATH, AND 
 FONDNESS FOR LIFE. 
 
 C. Macaenas, the friend and favourite of Augustus, 
 on account of his effeminacy was called Malcinus, 
 
FOLLY. 51 
 
 and, as Seneca says, was so much afraid of death, 
 that he used often to repeat the words, " All things 
 are to be endured so long as life is continued,' ' accord- 
 ing to these verses, — 
 
 Debilem facito manum, 
 Debilam pede coxa, 
 Tuber adstrue gibberum, 
 Lubricos quate dentes, 
 Vita dum superset bene est. 
 
 TRANSLATION. 
 
 Make me lame of either hand, 
 And on neither foot to stand, 
 Raise a bunch upon my back, 
 And make all my teeth to shake, 
 Nothing comes amiss to me, 
 So that life remaining be! 
 
52 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 THEOPHRASTl S. 
 
 Tliis philosopher, who lived to the age of eighty-five, 
 is said to have accused Nature for indulging stags and 
 crows with long life, to whom it was of no advantage, 
 while to man was given only a short life, to whom it 
 was of great importance, that it might he the more 
 excellent, heing perfected in all the arts and sciences ; 
 he complained, therefore, that as soon as he had begun 
 to see and understand those things, he was forced to 
 part with life ! 
 
 ARTEMON. 
 
 According to Heraldieus Ponticus, a very skilful 
 engineer, named Artemon, was of so timorous a dispo- 
 sition, that he was foolishly afraid of his own shadow, 
 and that he very seldom ventured to stir out of his 
 house. He had two of his men always by him, hold- 
 ing a brazen target over his head, in fear that some- 
 thing should fall upon and injure him; and if, upon 
 an urgent occasion, he was compelled to go out of his 
 , he was borne upon a litter, which hung low, as 
 he irftf constantly in fear of falling ! ! 
 
FOLLY. 53 
 
 THEMISTOCLES. 
 
 Themistoeles, the most famous of the Grecian com- 
 manders, having entered upon the hundred and eighth 
 year of his age, feeling nature declining, and the end 
 of life approaching, grieved that he was about to de- 
 part when, as he said, that it was but then that he 
 began to grow wise ! 
 
 CAIUS CALIGULA. 
 
 The emperor C. Caligula, was so very fearful of 
 death, that when it thundered, and the lightning 
 flashed but a little, he would shut both eyes and cover 
 his head wholly ; but when the storm was severe, he 
 would creep under his bed. The eruption of Mount 
 Etna, its noise and smoke, terrified him so, that he 
 fled suddenly by night from Messina. Being with his 
 army, and riding in a German chariot, between the 
 straights beyond the Rhine, the army marching toge- 
 ther in close squadrons, one having remarked that 
 
 there would be no little confusion should an enemy 
 f 2 
 
•)l SIDNEY kNBCDOTKS. 
 
 then appear, he was so alarmed that he left the chariot, 
 mounted his horse, and made all haste to the bridges, 
 and finding these choaked up with slaves and carriages, 
 he brooked no delay, but was handed over men's 
 heads, and so conveyed safely to the other side of the 
 river. Shortly afterwards, hearing of the revolt of the 
 Germans, he prepared for flight, and had ships ready 
 for his conveyance ; consoling himself, that although 
 the conquerors should pass the Alps, or possess them- 
 selves of Rome, he should still have possessions beyond 
 
 DIFFERENT EFFECTS OF SIDDEN AM) 
 SLOW DEATHS. 
 
 Antigonus took notice of one of his men, as being of 
 a very valiant and daring nature, and ready to under- 
 take any hazardous or desperate service. Having per- 
 ceived a change in his appearance, he anxiously 
 inquired the cause, and finding he had a dangerous 
 and secret disorder, he caused every possible care to be 
 taken for his recovery. When restored to health 
 again, the king was surprised to find him less forward 
 
FOLLY. 
 
 and daring than before-time, and inquired of him the 
 reason of such a change of his manner, to which the 
 soldier ingenuously replied, " Now I feci the sweets of 
 life, and therefore am I loth to lose it." 
 
 CARBO. 
 
 Cn. Carbo, in his third consulship, being sent 
 by the orders of Pompey into Sicily, to be there be- 
 headed, begged with great humility, and tears in his 
 eyes, that the soldiers would allow him to do an act of 
 natural necessity, only that he might thus add a few 
 minutes to his miserable life. He remained so long in 
 this situation, that the soldiers would brook no longer 
 delay, and his head was severed from his body while 
 he sat. 
 
 TITUS VESPASIAN. 
 
 The emperor Titus Vespasian, in his progress to- 
 wards the territories of the Sabines, was suddenly 
 
."><> SIDNEY \sk 
 
 ioiznl with a fever at the fust stage where he hailed. 
 On his removing thence, in a litter, it is stated that he- 
 put back the curtains, and looking up to heaven, 
 complained heavily that his life should be taken from 
 him, who had not deserved to die so soon, for in his 
 life he had not done any action whereof he had cause 
 to repent, save one ; but that one he did not then 
 state, nor was it afterwards known to what he alluded. 
 He died in about the forty-second year of his age. 
 
 KING OF HUNGARY. 
 
 A king of Hungary appearing very melancholy, his 
 brother, a merry courtier, asked the reason : the king 
 said, u O brother, I have been a great sinner, and I 
 fear to die and appear before the tribunal of God." 
 The brother made a jest of his melancholy thoughts, 
 but the king took no notice of his levity at the time. 
 When any one was denounced for death, it was the 
 custom for the executioner to sound a trumpet before 
 the person's door ; and the king ordered the headsman 
 to sound his trumpet before his brother's door in the 
 dead of the night. Alarmed by this messenger of 
 
FOLLY. 57 
 
 death, ho hastens, pale and trembling, into the pre- 
 sence of the king, begging to know wherein he had 
 offended him. " O my brother," said the king, 
 " Thou hast never offended me," but since the sight 
 of the executioner strikes such a terror into thee, won- 
 der not that I, who have greatly offended against God, 
 should be afraid of the sight of His executioner, who 
 must carry me before His judgment seat !" 
 
 A FOOLISH IMPRESSION HAVING A MORAL 
 EFFECT. 
 
 Mycerinus set open the temples of the Gods which 
 his father Cleops, king of Egypt, and his uncle 
 Cephrenes, had caused to be shut up. He was a lover 
 of justice, and beloved by his people, to whom he gave 
 liberty from oppression. But the oracle of the city 
 Buti, had predicted that be should live only six years, 
 and die in the seventh ; he sent back reproaches and 
 complaints to the oracle, that whereas his father and 
 his uncle, who had neither respected the Gods, nor 
 governed the people justly, had been favoured with 
 length of days, while he, who had lived in piety and 
 
00 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 justice) must end his days so soon. The oracle re- 
 plied, that therefore he should die, for that Egypt 
 should have been afflicted one hundred and fifty years, 
 which his predecessors had understood better thau he. 
 When Mycerinus heard this reason of the shortening 
 of his days, he caused lamps to be made, and lighted 
 all the night, and kept himself in action night and 
 day, wandering through the fens and woods, and 
 wherever he could find pleasure, that so he might 
 lengthen his years to twelve, and deceive the oracle 
 who had limited his life to six years ! 
 
 FOLLY OF AMBITION. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott, in his Life of Napoleon, says, 
 that he was affected when he rode over the fields of 
 battle which his ambition had strewed with the dead 
 and the dying, and seemed not only desirous to relieve 
 the victims, but shewed himself subject to the influence 
 of that more Kettle and imaginative species of sympa- 
 thy, which is termed sensibility. He mentions a cir- 
 cumstance which indicates a deep sense of feeling. 
 
 As he passed over a field of battle in Italy with 
 
 
:l-„ 
 
FOLLY. 5§ 
 
 some of his generals, he saw a houseless dog lying up- 
 on his slain master ; the creature came towards them, 
 then returned to the dead body, moaned over it piti- 
 fully, and seemed to ask their assistance. " Whether 
 it were the feelings of the moment," continues Napo- 
 leon, " the scene, the hour, or the circumstance itself, 
 I was never so affected by any thing which I had seen 
 upon a field of battle : that man, I thought, has per- 
 haps had a house, friends, comrades, and here he lies 
 deserted by every one but his dog. How mysterious 
 are the impressions to which we are subject ! I was 
 in the habit, without emotion, of ordering battles which 
 must decide the fate of a campaign, and could look 
 nith a dry eye on the execution of manoeuvres which 
 must be attended with much loss; and here I was 
 moved,— -nay, painfully affected, by the cries and grief 
 of a dog. It is certain, that at that moment I should 
 have been more accessible to a suppliant enemy, and 
 could better understand the conduct of Achilles 
 in restoring the body of Hector to the tears of 
 Priam." 
 
t)<> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 FOLLY OF PROFESSED LIBERALS. 
 
 The learned and good Prideaux suffered much for his 
 adherence to the royal cause, from those who j^vfessed 
 to contend for liberty and toleration, so that he was 
 compelled at last to dispose of his library, to proeure 
 the means of support. As Dr. Gauden remarked, he 
 literally became a hclluco librorum. Yet be bore his 
 misfortunes with patience, and even good humour, for 
 when a friend visited him, and asked him how he felt 
 and fared, he replied, " Never better in my life, only 
 I have too great a stomach, for I have eaten the little 
 plate which the sequestrator left me, — I have eaten a 
 great library of excellent books r --l have eaten a great 
 deal of linen,- much of my biass, some of my pewter, 
 and now am come to eat of my iron ,• and what will 
 come next, I know not." This was the treatment re- 
 ceived by a learned man and a promoter of learning, 
 by men professing generous and liberal sentiments ! ! ! 
 This eontented man used often to say, if he had been 
 clerk of Ugborough, he had never been bishop of Wor- 
 cester: in this he alluded to his being a candidate for 
 the situation of parish clerk to the church of Ugborough, 
 near Harford, having a good voice ; but, as Mr. Price 
 
FOLLY. 61 
 
 informs us, he had a competitor who had great in- 
 terest, and the parish being nearly divided, and unwil- 
 ling to offend either party, it was agreed they should 
 both exhibit on the Lord's- day following, that the 
 people might then judge for themselves. Prideaux 
 lost the election, to his great grief at the time ; for he 
 was not wise enough to foresee the greater dignity to 
 which he should arrive ? 
 
 FOOLISH ASSASSINS. 
 
 Sigebert, king of Essex, was a valiant and pious 
 prince, and the restorer of religion in his kingdom, 
 which had apostatised after the departure of Mellitus ; 
 yet was he murdered by two villains, whose only fault 
 was his goodness. It being demanded of them, why 
 they killed so innocent and harmless a prince, they 
 could only reply, " because his goodness had done the 
 kingdom hurt ; and such was his inclination to pardon 
 offences, that his meekness made many malefactors ! !" 
 
SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 FOOLISH OPPOSITION. 
 
 In the reign of Charles II., an assembly of Quakers 
 having had a very long and tedious sitting, eould not 
 ho prevailed upon, by remonstrances or solicitation, to 
 dissolve the meeting and disperse ; but a meny fellow 
 bethought himself of a stratagem which had the desired 
 effect. He rose and made proclamation in the king's 
 name, that no one should depart without his majesty's 
 leave, upon which they all got up and went out, so that 
 it should not be said they yielded obedience to any 
 one. 
 
 One of the Friends having refused to pay the parish 
 clergyman his dues, and the parson being unwilling to 
 use harsh measures with any one, sent a kind invitation 
 to the Friend to come and dine with him, who accepted 
 the invitation, and enjoyed a hearty dinner. While 
 enjoying a comfortable pipe after it, our Friend pre- 
 sented the parson with a bank-note, saying, " Friend, 
 take that which is thine." When the clergyman 
 offered him the difference, it was refused, with this 
 
FOLLY. 63 
 
 answer, '• Thy meat offering, thy drink offering, and thy 
 burnt offering, were very good, therefore it is but just 
 thou shouldst be paid for the same." The invitation 
 became annual, and the parson had no reason to com- 
 plain of his own, or of his friend's generosity. 
 
 FOLLY OF PILGRIMS. 
 
 Mr. Turner, in his tour to Jerusalem, relates a cir- 
 cumstance which proved to him the inconsistency and 
 folly of those pilgrims who want to bathe in the river 
 Jordan ; who were so eager to save themselves by virtue 
 of an early ablution, that the call of humanity, or chris- 
 tian charity, was lost sight of, and unheeded. He says, 
 that he fell in with a crowd of pilgrims all eagerly has- 
 tening to the river ; and continues, " what most struck 
 and disgusted me, was the inhumanity of the pilgrims, 
 who passed tbeir dying companions on the road, without 
 even asking en-passant how they did ! I was near, 
 when the horse fell down the precipice, and not a 
 soul waited except myself, to inquire whether the rider 
 had saved himself! The only answer I could get 
 from those, who I supposed might have seen it, was, 
 
(>1 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 MVhat do I care?" "What do I know ?»— This is 
 in d ee d ! a foolish faith, without an appearance of good 
 works !" 
 
 DIONYSITJS'S FOOLISH JESTING WITH 
 ARISTIPPUS. 
 
 The tyrant Dionysius, when the philosopher Aristip- 
 pus humbly solicited a small sum of money, took occa- 
 sion, like many of the great and rich since his day, to 
 make a jest of the poverty of the philosopher. " I 
 thought that you philosophers contend that a wise man 
 never wants anything. " To which Aristippus replied, 
 " rf you will give me the money, I will argue the point 
 with you, and convince you of your mistaken opinion. " 
 Dionysius having given the money, Aristippus archly 
 rejoined, "That which we philosophers contend for 
 must be true, for you now see a wise man never wants 
 money !" 
 
 
FOLLY. 65 
 
 A FOOLISH PRIEST, OR, PHYSICIAN. 
 
 A skilful and benevolent, yet somewhat eccentric 
 physician, in the Northern Capital, in his return from 
 one of his visits, was accosted by a poor old woman, 
 "Isn't your name Sandy W—d?" "Yes. my good 
 woman, what d'ye want wi' me ?" u O sir, my husband 
 is a-dying, and I would wish you to come and see him." 
 " Well, shew me the way." " But I fear, sir, ye'll no 
 like to gang sae far up." " Never mind that, go on, 
 and I'll follow you ?" The humane doctor followed the 
 woman down a close, and ascended a long flight of six 
 stories to the attic, and on entering the apartment, saw 
 a poor man lying very much reduced, and seemingly 
 in the act of expiring through weakness; on inquiring 
 what nourishment he last had, he was told that he had 
 nothing for above a day, and seeing the poverty of the 
 place, he presumed that it was through want of the 
 means of procuring necessary food ; so putting his hand 
 in his pocket, he pulled out half-a-guinea, and desired 
 them to get some wine, &c. to recruit nature. 
 
 The woman said that he could not now take any 
 more, for he had received the extreme unction, (i. e. the 
 sacrament of the Catholic Church): the priest being in 
 
<»h SIDNEY ANKCDOTl • 
 
 the room, and seconding the woman, said M that the 
 person of the dying man could not now be polluted by 
 any thing earthly." The doctor whose temper could not 
 brook such foolish rcasoning,exclaimedin haste/'What, 
 sir, do you mean to murder the man ? if you dare to 
 oppose me in this case, I shall certainly have you taken 
 up for a murderer!" The priest, on this, became 
 alarmed and took himself off. The wine was sent for 
 and given, and with the assistance then and afterwards 
 afforded by the said Mr. W— -d, the poor man was 
 again set upon his legs, although consigned to death 
 by the fiat of the priest ! 
 
 A FOOLISH PEER. 
 
 King, in his anecdotes, mentions, that on a particu- 
 lar bill being introduced into the House of Lords, bishop 
 Atterbury made the observation, that he had prophe- 
 sied that this said bill would be attempted in the pre- 
 sent session, and was sorry to find he had proved a true 
 prophet! On which, Lord Coningsby, who had not 
 always the command of his temper, remarked to the 
 House, " that one of the right reverend bench had set 
 
FOLLY. 67 
 
 himself up as a prophet, but for his part, he did not 
 know to which prophet he could liken him, unless 
 to the furious Balaam, who was reproved by his own 
 ass. To this the Bishop coolly replied, " since the 
 noble lord has discovered such a similitude in our 
 mantiers, I am well contented to be compared to 
 Balaam, but, my lords, I am at a loss to make out the 
 other part of the parallel : of this only am I sure, that 
 I have not been reproved by any one but his Lord- 
 ship." 
 
 FOLLY OF TYRANNY. 
 
 " Independently of the misery that tyrants inflict on 
 those whom they govern with the iron rod of despotism, 
 they are the cause of their own unhappiness in life ; 
 and a fear of sudden death, and little hope of future 
 happiness, are their constant assailants. The best 
 remedy against this tottering state of the soul, is a 
 good conscience ; without this, the most powerful ruler 
 will tremble in the midst of those who have sworn 
 to protect him !" 
 
SIDNEV ANECI' . 
 
 DOMITIAN. 
 
 This Emperor had such a suspicion of treason, ami 
 a dread of falling by the hands of some one near 
 his person, that he caused the wall of the galleries 
 wherein he was accustomed to walk, to be set and gar- 
 nished with the stone called Phesiyites, so that by 
 the reflection thereof, he might see the motions of 
 those behind him. 
 
 DIONVSIUS. 
 
 Dionysius the Syracusan, after having reigned thirty 
 eight years, in fear of sudden death removed all his 
 friends from about him, and committed himself to the 
 care of strangers and barbarians. — He taught his 
 daughter to shave him, living in dread of barbers, and 
 when his daughters were become of age he would not 
 trust even them with a razor, but caused them to burn 
 off his beard, &e. with the white of walnut kernels ! — 
 His two wives Aristomache and Doris, he dared not to 
 approach either in the night, before the place was 
 
FOLLY. 69 
 
 searched ; and although he had drawn a deep moat 
 round the room, and entered by a draw- bridge, he 
 drew it up himself after he went in. — He spoke to the 
 people from the top of a tower, not daring; to venture 
 his person in the rostrum. — When playing at ball, a 
 boy whom he loved, held his sword and cloak, and 
 when one of his friends jestingly remarked, " You 
 now put your life into his hands," the boy having 
 smiled, he caused both to be put to death, the one for 
 shewing how lie inight be killed, and the other for seem- 
 ing to approve of it with a smile. Being overcome in 
 an engagement with the Carthaginians, he at last 
 perished by the treason of his people. 
 
 FOLLY OF INHUMANITY. 
 
 There is a secret shame which attends every act of 
 inhumanity, not to be conquered in the hardest natures. 
 
 ? Many a man will do a cruel act, and at the same 
 time will blush to look you in the face, and is forced to 
 turn aside before he can have heart to execute his 
 purpose. 
 
 " Inconsistent creature that man is ! who at that in- 
 stant that he does what is wrong, is not able to with- 
 
"0 8IDNE1 INKGDOTES 
 
 hold his testimony to that which is good anil 
 praiseworthy l M — Sterne. 
 
 A FOOLISH PHILOSOPHER. 
 
 Hume, shortly after publishing one of his first 
 essays, in which the doctrine of annihilation appeared 
 to be supported, happened to become enamoured with 
 a young lady at Turin 5 but the declaration of his pas- 
 sion being received with a smile of disdain, the philo- 
 sopher lost his patience and his philosophy, and in the 
 strongest terms assured the lady, that without her 
 approving smile, he should be thrown into despair and 
 annihilation. " O Sir," replied the witty fair, " that, 
 in effect, will be nothing more than a natural conse- 
 quence of your own system !" 
 
 Complaining one day, that the world censured him 
 harshly and unjustly for having written only a few 
 reprehensible pages in so many volumes, one of the 
 company observed, that he reminded him of a notary 
 public, who, being condemned for forgery, lamented 
 the hardship and injustice of bis sentence, as he had 
 written many thousand inoffensire sheets, and now he 
 was about to be hanged for writing a single Hue! 
 
FOLLY OF THE CUSTOMS. 
 
 The Gilead doctor, having puffed it into demand at 
 home and abroad, had several orders for exportation. 
 On one occasion, he entered at the Customs a quantity, 
 of the nominal value of £300. at the low rate of £50. 
 This the commissioners seized as under- valued. The 
 doctor, who best knew its intrinsic value, took no trou- 
 ble about it, but pocketed the sum they had seized for, 
 and sent in a second quantity, in order to tempt them 
 to do the like ; on second thoughts, they allowed this to 
 pass, to the disappointment of the doctor, who could 
 have supplied them at a profit, as long as they pleased 
 to seize. 
 
 FOLLY OF CRUELTY; AND RETALIATION. 
 
 Philip the Second of Spain, who considered himself 
 lord of the western world, sent out a fleet well fitted, to 
 dispossess the French Huguenots, who made the first 
 settlement in Florida in the 16th century. His orders 
 
i'2 SIDNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 were executed with unnecessary severity, for after the 
 intrenehments of the French had been forced, many 
 were barbarously put to the sword, and the prisoners 
 hanged on trees, with an inscription, " Not as 
 Fn nchmen, but as Heretics." This cruelty, however, 
 won avenged by a skilful and enterprising seaman 
 of Gascony, named Dominic de Gourgues, who hated the 
 Spaniards. He built some ships with the produce of 
 his estate, and with a select band of enterprising ad- 
 venturers set sail for Florida. On landing he drove 
 the Spaniards before him, and having defeated them in 
 every engagement, by way of retaliation, he hung the 
 prisoners on trees, with the inscription attached, " Not 
 as SjmniardSj but as Assassins." 
 
 FOLLY OF NAPOLEON. 
 
 It is well known that Bonaparte anxiously wished to 
 see all his brothers on thrones, and was displeased with 
 Lit i en, because he would not accept of a crown. At 
 last Lucien, tired of his importunities to become one 
 of the Napoleon dynasty, so far complied by telling 
 him, that be would consent to be a king, if his brother 
 
FOLLY. 73 
 
 would give him his choice of a kingdom — " Choisissez, 
 mon frere!" exclaimed the overjoyed Napoleon, "pour- 
 vre que vous soyez un des notres, tout est a vous." Lu- 
 cien then demanded the throne of England! The de- 
 mand was significant, and the boasting emperor felt 
 deeply the keen irony it conveyed. 
 
 HUNTING QUARREL. 
 
 Three sons of Cosmo, duke of Tuscant, John 
 cardinal de Medieis, and his brothers Ferdinand and 
 Cartia, having gone a hunting one day in the confines 
 of Tuscany, they started a hare, which afforded them 
 a long chace before the dogs could come up with her. 
 A dispute arose about which of their dogs had the first 
 hold, and much ill language was used, whereupon the 
 cardinal, being of a haughty temper, gave his brother 
 Cartia a box on the ear, which Cartia hastily resented 
 by drawing his sword and running it into the cardinal's 
 thigh, so that he died almost immediately. The car- 
 dinal's servant, to revenge his master's death, gave 
 Cartia a deadly wound, so that, with the game, they 
 carried home to the duke of Tuscany, one son dead, 
 vol. i. h 
 
7 1 SIDNEY am.( do i | 
 
 ami another dying; thus on account of a mere 
 trifle, the father had t<> deplore the lo<s of hOO of his 
 
 RELIGIOUS QUARREL. 
 
 A few years before the long parliament, there lived 
 near Clun Castle, in Wales, a respectable widow, who 
 had two sons, and being grown to man's estate, had 
 been together on the first Sunday in the month at the 
 Communion table.— On their way home, they had some 
 dispute about the manner of receiving it. The senior, 
 who was an orthodox Protestant, like his mother, held, 
 that being the highest act of devotion, it ought to ht 
 taken in the most humble posture — on the knees; — 
 which the junior, a Puritan, opposed, yet the dispute 
 seemed to end without exciting much animosity, 
 day the brothers returned to dinner from their labour, 
 and the elder, according to his custom, lay down to 
 take a nap, after his dinner, upon a cushion at the end 
 of the table. The younger brother, named Enoch 
 Evans, tempted by this opportunity, went for an axe, 
 which it appeared he had provided at hand, stole softly 
 up to the table, and, with a spiteful stroke, severed his 
 brother's head from his body. The aged mother, hear 
 
FOLLY. 75 
 
 ing a noise, Game in from the adjoining room, and see- 
 ing the horrid spectacle, exclaimed, " O villain, hast 
 thou murdered thy brother?" " Yes," said he, " and 
 shall you after him:" with this, he struck her down, 
 dragged her to the threshold of the door, and there 
 chopped off her head also, and put them both in a bag ! 
 He made an attempt to flee from justice, but was ap- 
 prehended and brought before Sir Robert Howard, 
 justice of the peace, and committed, tried at the 
 assizes and condemned to death, for having committed 
 both matricide and fratricide; but he merited a double 
 death, had that been possible. 
 
 CIVIL QUARREL. 
 
 A quarrel between two boys was the occasion of spill- 
 ing much Christian blood in Italy. The one having 
 struck the other a blow, the father of the youth who 
 had been struck, cut off the hand of the other who gave 
 the blow, whose father now made the quarrel his own, 
 and endeavoured to avenge himself for the injury in- 
 flicted upon his son ; thus began the faction of the 
 Neri and Bianchi, i. e. black and white, which imme- 
 diately spread itself throughout Italy. 
 
SIDNEY ANLC'Dn i 
 
 A HOLY ELEPHANT. 
 
 The king of Siam, in the year 1568, had in his pos- 
 session an elephant purely white, which induced his 
 neighbour, the king of Pegu, to imagine there was 
 great holiness in the animal, and accordingly he did 
 pray unto it. Wishing to have such a precious crea- 
 ture in his own possession, he sent ambassadors to the 
 king of Siam, with offers of any price or consideration 
 he would name, so as lie would send the elephant to 
 him; but the king of Siam would not part with it on 
 any account. The refusal so enraged the king of Pegu, 
 that he collected all his forces and invaded Siam. Some 
 hundreds of thousands were brought into the field, and 
 a severe and sanguinary battle ensued, in which the 
 king of Siam was vanquished, and made tributary to 
 the king of Pegu, who led home the white elephant in 
 triumph. 
 
 FEMALE riM:( EDENCE. 
 
 In the reign of Edward VI., the two sisters-in-law, 
 Katharine Parr, late queen of Henry VII L, but now 
 
married to the Lord Thomas Seymour, admiral of 
 England, and the duchess of Somerset, wife to the 
 Lord Protector of England, the admiral's brother, 
 these ladies having a dispute about precedence, which 
 Katharine claimed as Queen Dowager, and the Duchess 
 challenged as wife to the Protector, who then governed 
 both king and kingdom, drew their husbands into the 
 quarrel, so that the Protector procured the death of his 
 brother, the Admiral; but shortly after his own des- 
 truction followed, for being deprived of the powerful 
 support of his brother, he was easily overthrown by the 
 Duke of Northumberland, through whom he was con- 
 victed of felony, and suffered on the scaffold. 
 
 A FOOLISH CUSTOM REPROVED. 
 
 Sir Gilbert Heathcote being one night in com- 
 pany with the minister, Sir Robert Walpole, at his 
 house, and being asked what he would like for supper, 
 made free to mention beef steaks and oyster sauee. 
 Alter supper an hour or two was spent in conversation 
 over a glass of good wine: at last Sir Gilbert rose to 
 bid his friend good night; but in passing into the hall, 
 he found it lined with the liveried attendants of the 
 
78 SIDNEY nmCDOTKS. 
 
 minister, to whom he now turned and asked, " Pray, Sir 
 Robert, be so good as to point out whieh of these I am 
 to pay for my beef steak?" Sir Robert, taking the 
 bint, gave the signal for the servants to withdraw im- 
 mediately. 
 
 Sir Richard Steele, in company with bishop Hoad- 
 ley, paid a visit to the duke of Marlborough, at Blen- 
 heim House : on their leaving, Sir Richard asked the 
 bishop if he intended giving money to all the fellows 
 with ruflles and laced coats, with which the hall ap- 
 peared lined? " To be sure, it is customary," said the 
 bishop. " For my part," observed Sir Richard, " 1 
 have not enough of money about me:" so, as he pass- 
 ed into the hall, he thus addressed the expectant wait- 
 ers : "^Gentlemen, as I have found you to be men of 
 taste, I now invite you all to the Theatre Royal, Drury 
 Lane, with liberty to order any play you may think 
 proper to command." 
 
 Poussin, the celebrated painter, being honoured with 
 the company of a cardinal to dinner, His Eminence 
 expressed his sympathetic regret, that the artist had no 
 nts to wait upon him; on whieh Poussin made 
 the significant observation, " I am only sorry that your 
 Emincnco has any." 
 
FOLLY. 79 
 
 FOLLY OF RASHNESS. 
 
 The Athenians were rash even to madness, when 
 they condemned to death ten of their commanders, who 
 had just returned, after having gained a glorious vic- 
 tory ; only because they had not interred the bodies 
 of their soldiers who fell in battle ; which the rage 
 and tempestuousness of the sea rendered impracticable. 
 Thus they punished necessity, when they should have 
 done honour to virtue. 
 
 OTHO. 
 
 The emperor Otho, when opposed to Vitellius, who 
 had come against him, was advised by his counsellors to 
 delay the fight, as his army appeared much cumbered 
 by the straitness of the places through which they had 
 to paos, and was also in want of provisions. The em- 
 peror disregarded this seasonable advice, and with a 
 very inconsiderate rashness ordered an immediate at- 
 tack ; by which he risked and lost both his army and 
 his empire, and he then destroyed himself. He was 
 buried at Brixellum, without any funeral honours, 
 
80 HONEY ANBCDOI 1 
 
 nor was there 80 much as a monument placed over his 
 grave. 
 
 LEWIS OF BAVARIA. 
 
 The emperor Lewis, of Bavaria, having in 1256, 
 made a league, and joined forces with those of the 
 cities near the Rhine, to contend against * hose, who in 
 the distention of the princes wasted Germany; he was 
 with his army, when the empress Mary of Brabant was 
 at Werd From hence she sent two letters, one for the 
 emperor her lord, and the other for Henry Ruchon, a 
 commander in the army : both letters were sealed with 
 one seal, but with differently coloured wax ; that with 
 black wax for the emperor, and that with red for the 
 commander Ruchon. The messenger, by mistake, 
 gave that sealed with red to the emperor, who, upon 
 reading it, became suddenly jealous of some intrigue, 
 though without reason. Feigning some urgent neces- 
 sity, he left the army on the Rhine, and travelled night 
 and day until he ?ame to Werd. When, without 
 allowing the empress to be heard in explanation or 
 defence, lie charged her with adultery, and caused her 
 to be beheaded. Supposing Ilelica to be confederate 
 
FOLLY. 81 
 
 with his wife, he stabbed her with a penknife ; and lie 
 ordered the chief of her ladies to be thrown headlong 
 from a tower. Shortly after having thus rashly com 
 mitted so much cruelty, he had a frightful night vision, 
 by which his hair became grey before the morning. 
 
 A KING OF ENGLAND'S RASH PROMISE. 
 
 When the late duchess of Kingston was Miss Chud- 
 leigh, she obtained for her mother a suite of chambers 
 at Hampton Court, by order of the king ; who, meeting 
 her shortly afterwards , inquired, how her mother liked 
 her new apartments. " Perfectly well, sire," said she, 
 " in point of situation and air, if the poor woman had 
 but a bed to lie upon, and a few chairs to put in the 
 rooms." " O then," said the king, " let her havj 
 them by all means," and he gave immediate orders 
 that her apartments should be furnished. When the 
 upholsterer presented the bill to the officer of the 
 household for payment, he found the sum amounted 
 to four thousand pounds, and refused to settle it until 
 he had shewn it to his majesty, who was equally sur- 
 prised to find that his order for a bed and a few chairs 
 had been thus taken advantage of; but it was now 
 
SIDNEY \NECDOTES. 
 
 dose, and couUl not be recalled ; so he ordered the 
 payment to be made. 
 
 RASHNESS REPROVED. 
 
 An aide-de-camp to a British general, who was lay- 
 ing seige to a fortress in a regular and scientific man- 
 ner, came to his commander one morning full of 
 ardour, informing him that he had perceived a point 
 from which the enemy might be much annoyed, and 
 being in the possession of only a small number of the 
 enemy, it might be earned with the loss of but a fen 
 men. The general, who valued lives more than did 
 many of his officers, heard his narration deliberately, 
 and then coolly inquired, if he would like to take the 
 chance of being o/ie of those few ? 
 
 FOLLY OF CONVERSING ABOUT THINGS WE 
 DO NOT UNDERSTAND. 
 
 The great sir Isaac Newton, not only a philosopher 
 but a christian, being in company when Dr. Halley, a 
 
FOLLY. 83 
 
 celebrated mathematician, made use of some unbe- 
 coming expressions concerning revelation and religion, 
 Sir Isaac turning to him addressed him thus, — 
 " Dr. Halley, when you talk about philosophy and 
 mathematics, I always hear you with pleasure, because 
 these are subjects with which you are well acquainted ; 
 but I must beg, that you will say nothing about Chris- 
 tianity, tor it is a subject you have nertr studied, - 
 1 have ; and I know that you know nothing of the 
 matter." 
 
 FOLLY OF EXPECTATION. 
 
 A French officer who had served his country forty 
 . and grown old and feeble, waited upon the mar- 
 quis de Castrus, then secretary of state, to solicit a 
 pension, stating that he had a wife and six children, 
 and that himself had not made one good meal for six 
 months pa*t. The smiling courtier replied, "You 
 may be assured, sir, when I find a little relaxation from 
 the multiplicity of business I have before me, which I 
 trust will be in less than a year, I shall embrace an 
 early opportunity of taking your services into conside 
 ration." The officer assured him, that he could not 
 
fl I <IDNISY ANECDOTES. 
 
 exist for such a length of lime without assistance, and 
 
 that if he died, his wife and children would hare DO 
 claim on the kind's bounty. To which the secretary 
 coolly replied,- -" I am mortified, my dear sir, that I 
 have it not in my power to be of service to you at pre- 
 sent, but I beg you may look upon me as your particu- 
 lar friend, and believe me to be wholly yours !" " Bless- 
 ed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be 
 disappointed." 
 
 A FOOLISH PREACHER. 
 
 An eccentric preacher, holding forth to an eccentric 
 congregation in Perth, North Britain, had for his text, 
 " I will compare thee, my love, like unto a couple of 
 horses in Pharaoh's chariot." He went on, comparing 
 the church to a horse well-fed and watered, scrubbed 
 and harnessed, and ready for the chase, concluding 
 his harangue with, " and when their master thinks fit 
 to call them away from this world to another, he just 
 gee ho to heaven I 9 w 
 
SUPERSTITION OF THE IRISH REGARDING 
 ST. PATRICK. 
 
 Among the many miracles said to be performed by 
 St. Patrick, there are recorded, that he freed Ireland 
 from numerous reptiles, &c, restored sight to the blind, 
 health to the sick, and raised nine persons from the 
 dead. He is also said to have crossed the Shannon, by 
 swimming " with his head under his arm ;" or, as some 
 of the descendants of those converted by him have 
 gravely stated, "with his head in his mouth!" The 
 custom of wearing shamrock, (or trefoil) arose, accord- 
 ing to some, from his using a sprig of trefoil when 
 expounding the doctrine of the Trinity ,- thus repre- 
 senting the divisibility of the Divinity into three dis- 
 tinct parts, and the unity of it in one stem. This saint 
 was born in Scotland, and originally called Succuthus, 
 until changed to that of Patrick, by pope Celestine, who 
 sent him on a mission into Ireland, where he converted 
 a great number to Christianity, and in A.D. 472, 
 founded the archiepiscopal see of Armagh. He was 
 buried at Down, in the county of Ulster, in a church 
 named after him, where his body was found in 1185. 
 He has been properly styled the apostle of the Irish, 
 and father of their church, and is considered as the 
 
96 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 tutelar saint of Ireland; the 17th day of March is 
 the day held sacred to his memory. His works were 
 published in London, A.D. 1656. 
 
 FOOLISH WISH FOR DISTINCTION. 
 
 Caius Caligula often wished for the slaughter of his 
 own armies, for famine, pestilence, fire, or some 
 other notable event to signalize his time ; and often 
 complained that his reign was not'at all remarkable on 
 account of any public calamity, like that of Augustus, 
 which was memorable for the slaughter of the legions, 
 under Quintilius Varus ; or that of Tiberius, by the fall 
 and ruin of the theatre at Fidenae, and he feared he 
 should be buried in oblivion, through the prosperous 
 course of his affairs ! 
 
 i 
 FOLLY OF AMBITION. 
 
 Anaxarchus the philosopher, in a discourse before 
 Alexander the Great, showed that, according to the 
 sense of his master Democritus, there were other worlds, 
 
FOLLY. 87 
 
 and innunerable. Alexander sighed and said, " Alas ! 
 what a mi erable man am I, that have not subdued so 
 much as one of these !" — 
 
 "Unus Pelleo juveni non sufficit orbis, 
 -flistuit infaelix Augusto limite mundi." 
 
 Juvenal. 
 
 "For one Pellean youth, the world's too small ; 
 As one pent up, he cannot breathe at all." 
 
 FOLLY OF MIRTH AND PLEASURES. 
 
 Abner, an oriential king, gave orders that his son and 
 heir, should be confined in his youth to a stately palace, 
 and to have every pleasure placed within his reach ; pro- 
 hibiting his attendants from allowing any thing to ap- 
 pear before his eyes, calculated to give him any ideas of 
 the calamities of human nature ; nothing but pleasure 
 was to be talked of in his presence. Yet, alas ! in course 
 of years, the young prince became sad in the midst of 
 all this splendour and joy fulness, and begged of his 
 father to be released from the bonds of this unvarying 
 felicity. The father reluctantly yielded to his request, 
 
88 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 lest by his endeavours to make him cheerful, he should 
 make him sad ; but he charged those who waited on 
 him, never to let him see an object of sorrow, either 
 aged, infirm, deformed,' or diseased ; but in vain the 
 caution ! for the miseries of mankind are not easily 
 concealed. The prince, in his recreations, having met 
 with an old man, leprous and blind, he startles with 
 astonishment, trembles, and faints, as if he had seen 
 an unearthly being ; and when he had in part 
 recovered from his first shock of surprise, he anxiously 
 inquired of his attendants the nature of what he had 
 seen. Feeling inwardly persuaded, that it was one of 
 the miserable conditions of this life, henceforward he 
 disliked pleasure, condemned mirth, and despised life. 
 He rejected his royal dignity, and his kingdom ; and 
 bade adieu to pleasures, and all the blandishments of 
 fortune at once ! 
 
 FOLLY OF DISCONTENT. 
 
 " I pity the man, whose natural pleasures arc bur- 
 dens, and who flies from joy (as these splenetic and 
 morose souls do,) as if it was really an evil in itself." 
 — Sterne. 
 
FOLLY. 
 
 DIONYSIUS THE ELDER. 
 
 This tyrant, far from being satisfied that he was the 
 most powerful ruler of his time, felt indignant and dis- 
 contented that he could not write poetry like Philoxenus> 
 nor discourse and dispute so learnedly as Plato ,• 
 therefore, he threw the one into a dungeon, along with 
 malefactorsjfelons, and slaves ; confiined the other, and 
 afterwards banished him to the Isle of ^Egina ! 
 
 PIUS THE FIFTH. 
 
 Pius V., did not enjoy the happiness he expected be- 
 fore he was advanced to the papal chair, for he has been 
 heard complaining thus : •' Cum essem religiosus spera- 
 bam bene de salute animas meae. Cardinalis factus 
 estimui,Pontifexcreatuspenedespero." — M When I was 
 a monk, I had same yood hope of my salvation, — When 
 I teas made cardinal, I had lesi ; and now that I am 
 raised to the popedom, I am almost in despair 
 
SIDNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 ADRIAN THE SIXTH. 
 
 Adrian VI., when he perceived the increase of 
 the Lutherans, and the approach of the Turks ; these 
 and other things pressed so heavily on his mind, that 
 he grew weary of the honour to which he had been 
 elevated, fell sick, and died in the second year of his 
 popedom. He left this inscription to be put on his 
 tomb : " Adrianus Sectus, hie situs est qui nihil 
 sibi infeliciusin hac vita, quam quod imperaret,duxit." 
 — " Here I yeth Adrian the Sixth, who thought nothing 
 occurred more unhappily for him in this life, than his 
 being advanced to the papal chair ! 
 
 CAIUS MARIUS. 
 
 Caius Marius was the first who was created consul 
 for the seventh time, and lived to the age of seventy 
 years. He was possessed of riches and treasures 
 enough to satisfy the desires of many kings; yet did 
 this man, full of years, and worldly goods, lament his 
 hard fate, that he should die untimely and poor ; not 
 having many things which he still desired after. 
 
FOLLY*. 91 
 
 BAJAZET THE FIRST. 
 
 Bajazetthe First having lost the city of Sebastia, in 
 which was his eldest son Orthobules, was marching 
 with a large army against Tamerlane, when he heard a 
 shepherd cheering himself with his merry pipe, as he 
 sat feeding his flock by the side of the mountain. 
 Bajazet surrounded by his nobles, listened for some 
 time, and heaving a deep sigh, he exclaimed, " O 
 happy shepherd, thou hast neither a Sebastia, nor an 
 Orthobules, to lose!" 
 
 FOLLY OF GAMING, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES, 
 
 We might give here many modern instances of the 
 folly of this trie*, of which we are daily reading or 
 hearing, and of its ruinous consequences, being 
 destructive to health, peace of mind, families, and 
 fortunes. 
 
 We learn, one day, of one who has fought bravely, 
 and with great fortitude and presence of mind, being 
 easily overcome in a game of chance, which he has not 
 the courage to resist, not because it is manly, but 
 
!>2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 that it is fashionable ! One who has marshalled an 
 army, and planned a campaign, and prudently con 
 ducted a siege, an attack, and a retreat, and received 
 the thanks and honours of his sovereign and of his 
 country, for the consummate skill and fortitude dis- 
 played when opposed to men practised and famous in 
 the art of war, tamely surrendering to become the 
 dupe of the practised gambler, and risking on the 
 chance of a die, or the turn up of a card, the fruits 
 and rewards of a life spent in the service of his 
 country. 
 
 Another day we hear of a young man born to a 
 good estate, and just emerged from the controul of a 
 tutor, now no longer a minor, but in the pride of 
 manhood seeking the society of the gay and the 
 fashionable, happy in being admitted to their parties 
 of pleasure; while they look upon his gay plumage 
 with glistening eyes, eager to pluck the silly pigeon. 
 He is persuaded by their example to risk a little for 
 amusement, or to pass an idle hour. A loss of a few 
 hundreds is the consequence : being told it is all chance, 
 he is persuaded to risk again, to recover what he lost, 
 but he loses more. Another temptation succeeds, 
 until he finds out at last that he has no chance at 
 all ; but it is too late, he has lost thousands, and has 
 no more to risk. 
 
FOLLY. 93 
 
 It appears strange that men who can reason upon any 
 subject, and command attention by their eloquence in 
 the senate, at the bar, and even in the pulpit, should 
 find, or create, such a vacuity in their minds, as to 
 render it necessaiy to waste their time in an amusement 
 neither conducive to health of body, nor the improve- 
 ment of the mind ; in which the loser cannot feel a 
 pleasure, nor can the winner rise perfectly satisfied, un- 
 less the minds of both have become altogether callous, 
 and indifferent about events. That nobleman who 
 was invited to meet a select party of reputed taste and 
 learning, gave them a silent, yet severe rebuke, when 
 he came and found them eagerly engaged in a game 
 at cards : he civilly saluted them, but finding they 
 took no farther notice of him than returning his salu- 
 tation, he turned his back upon them, sat down, 
 took out his pencil and memorandum book, and 
 began writing. When one of the party, happening to 
 glance his eye over his cards, observed his conduct, 
 his curiosity induced him to ask what he was writing ; 
 to which he made answer, that he was led to expect 
 the society of men from whom he might gain some 
 information ; and that, in order not to lose the good 
 things that fell from them, he was noting down their 
 conversation. This had an instant effect, the cards 
 were thrown away, and the party afterwards enjoyed 
 
N SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 the feast of reason, in the interchange of ideas, and 
 expression of thought. 
 
 To the professed gambler, who endeavours to live 
 by it, it is his trade, therefore we cannot look for 
 either example or advice having any effect upon him ; 
 but we would hope, that those who are not so entirely 
 devoted to the gratification of this passion, may 
 profit by example. Alexander the Great im- 
 posed a fine upon some of his friends, because they 
 did not play when at dice, but seemed engaged, not 
 in sport, but as in the most serious and important 
 affair in the world f 
 
 PARYSATIS AND ARTAXERXES. 
 
 The eunuch of Artaxerxes, named Mesabatis, having 
 cut off the head and right hand of Cyrus, after his 
 death, Parysatis, the mother of Cyrus, whom she 
 loved much, sought for an opportunity of being 
 revenged for the insult ; but not finding an earl y 
 one, she set her wits to work ; being expert at dice, 
 and often engaged at play with the king, she took 
 occasion to challenge him to play for a thousand 
 darici, which she designedly allowed the king to win. 
 
FOLLT. 99 
 
 Feigning to lament her loss, she requested him to play- 
 once more, and for an eunuch, and they agreed each 
 to select five of their favourite eunuchs, that, which- 
 ever should win, might select any one they chose. 
 Parysatis having secured this game, immediately 
 chose one of the king's five, pointing out Mesabatis, 
 and before the king could perceive her cunning inten- 
 tion, he was delivered to the executioners, to be flayed 
 alive, and his body fixed downwards upon three 
 crosses, and his skin hung upon a stake by itself. 
 The king was much incensed when he learnt what she 
 had caused to be done ; upon which she jestingly said, 
 " You are a pleasant and gallant person, to be so 
 wroth for the loss of an old and wicked eunuch, 
 whereas I can sit down and rest contented with the 
 loss of a thousand darici." 
 
 ALPHONSUS OF ARAGON. 
 
 Alphonsus, king of Aragon and Naples, being one 
 day in play at dice with Ludovicus Mediarotas, 
 cardinal of Padua, and patriarch of Aquileia, lost 
 the sum of twenty -five thousand crowns, which, it is 
 said, the cardinal actually carried away with him. 
 
*><> MDNfcV ANECDOTF.S. 
 
 HENRY THE EIGHTH OF ENGLAND. 
 
 This licentious monarch played at dice with sir 
 Miles Partridge for the four bells hanging in a tower 
 in St. Paul's church yard, called Jesus' bells, as Fuller 
 states, and the latter was the winner, and brought the 
 bells to ring in his pocket ; but it is observed, that 
 the ropes afterwards catched about his neck, and for 
 some offences he was hanged in the days of Edward 
 the Vlth. 
 
 PROFANATION OF THE SABBATH. 
 
 In Clark's Mirrour, mention is made of three men, 
 who were playing at dice on the Lord's Day, near to 
 Belissma, in Helvetia; when one of them, named 
 Ulric Schraeterus, having lost much, in throwing a 
 desperate cast exclaimed, " If fortune deceive me 
 now, I will thrust my dagger into the body of God, 
 as far as I can." Fortune being against him, he 
 drew his dagger, and with all his force threw it 
 against heaven, whcn,lo! it vanished, and five drops 
 
FOLLY. 97 
 
 of blood fell on the table before them. The Devil 
 immediately carried away the blasphemous Ulric, 
 with such a noise that amazed the whole city, and 
 the others, struck with fear, in attempting to rub out 
 the stains, only made them appear brighter. The 
 rumour of this singular affair reaching the city, 
 quickly multitudes came, and found the gamesters 
 engaged in their fruitless attempt. By the decree of 
 the senate, they were bound in chains, and carried off 
 to prison, on the way to which one was suddenly 
 struck dead, with numerous insects, &c. creeping out 
 of him, a loathsome sight ! and in order to avert the 
 judgment the citizens thought impending over them, 
 the third was immediately put to death. The table 
 was preserved as a monument to show the accursed- 
 ness, inconvenience, and mischief arising from play 
 with dice. — Clark's Mirrour, c. 17. p. 62. 
 
 DESPERATION. 
 
 Adam Stockman, a vine-dresser living in Alsatia, in 
 the year 1550, having received his wages, lost it all at 
 dice, and had nothing remaining for the support of 
 his family, which so affected his mind, that, in the 
 
SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 absence of his wife, he cut the throats of his three 
 children, and was about to hang himself, when his 
 wife coming in, and witnessing the horrid catastrophe, 
 gave a violent shriek and fell down dead. On this 
 the neighbours rushed in, and seized the man, who 
 was by the law condemned, and suffered a cruel 
 death. 
 
 A SON'S SORROW. 
 
 The son of Joanna Gonzaga, standing by the side 
 of his father while engaged in play at dice, showed 
 signs of dislike and grief when he saw his father losing 
 a large sum of money : upon which Gonzaga, turning 
 to those who stood near, said, u Alexander the Great, 
 hearing of a victory that his father had gained, is 
 reported to have grieved at the news, as fearing there 
 would be nothing left for him to gain ; but my son 
 Alexander is afflicted at my loss, as fearing there 
 would be nothing left for him to lose." 
 
1)9 
 
 DUKE OF EPERNON. 
 
 In 1603, a noted Italian gamester named Pimentel, 
 went to France, having heard of the passion of the 
 French for dice playing. He had previously prepared 
 the way for his success, by hiring men to carry and 
 dispose of a great number of dice, made under his 
 direction, of which he only knew the high and the low 
 runners ; and they bought up, and brought away 
 with them, all others they could find in Paris. Shortly 
 after his arrival, he managed, through the interest of 
 some Italians, familiar at court, to get introduced to 
 the king, and admitted as a gamester. Having ensured 
 success, he won of many, and among others the duku of 
 Epernony of whom he won all his ready money, 
 and many of his jetvels, besides a piece of Ambergris, 
 valued at tiventy-thousand croivns ; the largest that 
 had ever been seen in Europe, and which was after- 
 terwards purchased by the republic of Venice, and pre 
 served as a very great rarity in their treasury. 
 
KH) SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 HENRY THE SECOND OF FRANCE. 
 
 Henry Cheney, who was created baron of Tudding- 
 ton, in Bedfordshire, by queen Elizabeth, was in his 
 youthful days venturous and wild. In throwing the 
 dice with the king of France, he won a diamond of 
 great value, at one cast. The king inquiring of him 
 how he would have satisfied him, had he lost instead of 
 winning, he made answer, like Some of the bravadoes of 
 the present day : " I have shecps* tails enough in Kent, 
 with their wool, to buy a better diamond than this." 
 
 CALIGULA. 
 
 C. Caligula, was so excessively prodigal in play, 
 that it is said he ventured four hundred thousand 
 sesterces, equal to ten thousand crowns, upon every 
 print of the dice, and not upon the cast alone. 
 
101 
 
 ROGER ASCHAM. 
 
 This person, who was schoolmaster to queen Eli- 
 zabeth, and her latin secretary, lost so much by his 
 addiction to dice and cock-fighting, that he was 
 always poor, and died in the same state. 
 
 NERO. 
 
 This emperor was prodigal in gaming, as well as in 
 his gifts, for he would adventure, on every cast of the 
 dice, a sum amounting to four hundred thousand 
 sesterces, which was the like sum as Caligula risked, 
 only with this difference, the former laid upon the cast, 
 and the latter upon every point of the dice ! 
 
 THE CHINESE. 
 
 The Chinese are much given to gaming, and often 
 play very high, losing all they are possessed of, not ex- 
 cepting their wives and children, which they sometimes 
 k 2 
 
10*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 stake also, and if they also lose thorn, they hand these 
 over to the winner, until they are able to pay the money 
 to redeem them. 
 
 DIKE OF VALENTINOIS. 
 
 Caesar Borgia, the duke of Valentinois, when he 
 hid lost many thousand erowns at a sitting, consoled 
 himself by saying, that the sins of the Cermans had 
 paid for all, being a part of that tribute which his 
 father, Pope Alexander the Vlth. had procured from 
 Germany by the sale of pardons and indulgeneies. We 
 believe many in our time may console themselves with 
 similar satisfaction— "lightly come, lightly gone." 
 
 FOOLISH SEVERITY, AND A SEVERE 
 RETALIATION. 
 
 A y«ung Spanish officer, named Aguirra, being 
 sent on military service, to South America, was station- 
 ed at Potosi, the governor of which had ordered that 
 no European officer should employ an Indian to 
 carry his b; This Officer, being sent on an 
 
 expedition, happening to disregard the order, was im- 
 
FOLLY. 103 
 
 mediately accused, and condemned to be publicly 
 whipped on an ass. Great and unavailing interest was 
 made ; but the respite of one fortnight only was 
 obtained from the governor ; and even that came so 
 late, that he was mounted and stript for the punish- 
 ment before it arrived; when he exclaimed, "Nay, 
 the shame is endured, worse cannot be done ; there- 
 fore, executioner, do your duty, and return the tyrant 
 his reprieve." The infliction followed, and was 
 endured calmly and resolutely. After this, the sufferer 
 could never be brought to associate with his equals, 
 but wandered about alone in a state of melancholy, 
 seeming to shun all society. The governor being 
 removed shortly after, another was appointed in his place, 
 yet still Aguirra hovered about the palace, which caused 
 the friends of the governor to advise him to leave 
 Potosi, in order to avoid the danger he apprehended : he 
 then retired to Los Reyes, 320 leagues from thence, but 
 in a week's time Aguirra was there also; he then removed 
 secretly to Quito, 400 leagues further off; a short time 
 elapsed, and Aguirra arrived there also, although on 
 foot, and without shoe or stocking. The governor, find- 
 ing himself so closely pursued, flew to Cuzco, 500 
 leagues from Quito, but Aguirra, shortly after, was 
 there also. Wearied by his long and repeated journies, 
 the governor said he would fly the villain no longer, 
 
101 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 but keep a guard about him, and set him at defiance; 
 but his servants being one day at play, and the gates 
 left open, Aguirra, always on the watch, entered, and 
 finding his enemy alone, he stabbed him to the heart, 
 and with the same dagger dispatched himself! This 
 relation has been given by several Spanish historians, 
 and appeared, with some variations, in the eighth num- 
 ber of The Guardian. 
 
 FOOLISH REVENGE, PRUDENTLY AVENGED. 
 
 A chaguen, or governor of a Chinese province, 
 having lost from his cabinet the seal of the emperor, 
 could not transact any business, therefore he gave 
 out that he was ill, and refused to admit any one to 
 his presence. 
 
 A mandarin, who had a regard for the governor, with 
 many intreaties, at last obtained admission to see him, 
 and was surprised to find him in good health. The go- 
 vernor now told his friend of the loss of the seal, and 
 that the lock of the casket being uninjured,hc was sure 
 that the seal had been stolen; and unless he found it 
 again, he was afraid of his government, if not of his 
 life. His friend inquired if he had any enemy in the 
 
FOLLY. 105 
 
 place, and was told that an officer of rank had long 
 owed him a grudge. " Haste then," said his friend, 
 " let your most valuable articles be secretly removed, set 
 fire to the empty place and call out for help, then will 
 this officer, in the fulfilment of his duty, make his ap- 
 pearance with others. When you see him, put the ca- 
 binet, shut up as it is, into his hands, in the presence 
 of the people ; if he has stolen the seal, he will replace 
 it before he returns the cabinet ; if not the thief, yet 
 blame will lay at his door for having so little care of it, 
 and you will not only be free from the danger, but also 
 revenged on your enemy." The governor acted ac- 
 cording to this advice, and the next day, when he re- 
 ceived the cabinet again and opened it, he found the 
 seal inside, as the mandarin had suspected.-— Semedo's 
 History of China. 
 
 FOLLY OF FALSE POLITENESS.. 
 
 The late lord Stair, when ambassador at the court 
 of France, was considered one of the most polite 
 persons about the court ; of which the king made a 
 public acknowledgment one day, when going out, 
 accompanied by several of his court. Lord Stair 
 
|O0 SIDNEY ANKCDOT1 
 
 being one of the party who were to ride in the royal 
 carriage, stood with the others near to his majesty. 
 The king having desired one and then another to 
 ascend the steps, they all declined, until his majesty 
 had taken his seat ; lord Stair being next desired to 
 enter the carriage, made his obeisance, and immedi- 
 ately took his seat; when the king turned to the 
 others, and said, " Now I have proved that the ambas- 
 sador from England is the most polite among you, for 
 he has obeyed my command promptly, and sans 
 ceremonie." 
 
 FOLLY OF FALSE POLITENESS, WITH ITS 
 CONTRAST. 
 
 Our French neighbours say, that we are the politest 
 people in Europe, and adduce as an evidence the 
 following anecdote. On a cold foggy day in Novem- 
 ber, two of their countrymen, and an English sailor, 
 were on their way to London on the top of the Dover 
 coach : one of the Frenchmen and the English tar 
 bad good warm top coats, while the other seemed half 
 dead from the effects of crossing the channel in a stiff 
 gale, and the chilling cold. The Frenchman politely 
 
FOLLY. 107 
 
 offered his suffering countryman the use of his coat, 
 at the same time telling him how comfortable he felt 
 in it. The other could not think of depriving his 
 companion of that which was of so much benefit to 
 himself, and without which he made appear he 
 would be as uncomfortable as he himself now was, 
 and therefore politely declined the acceptance of it. 
 The British sailor, perceiving that the one made an 
 offer of that which he wished to retain, while the 
 other in politeness refused that which he would wil- 
 lingly have accepted, if disengaged, threw aside his 
 great coat, saying, " Hang this here lumbering tackle, 
 I am so confounded hot in it, that I cannot breathe. 
 Here, Monsieur Parlez-vous, do you take it !" It was 
 then accepted. 
 
 FOOLISH WISHES. 
 
 Caius Caligula was desirous of doing anything that 
 was thought impossible by others ; he therefore laid the 
 foundation of palaces on piles, where the sea was deep 
 and boisterous. He hewed rocks of the hardest flint 
 and stone, raised plains level with mountains, and 
 
108 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 reduced hills to the level of the plains, with a celerity 
 almost ineredible, punishing with death the sloth or 
 negligence of his workmen ! 
 
 Suclunius, lib. 4. c, 37. p. 187. 
 
 DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM. 
 
 As the unfortunate duke of Buckingham was one 
 day riding in his park, along with his steward, they 
 came near to a large flock of sheep, when the duke 
 asked to whom they belonged. The steward answered, 
 "They belong to your grace." The duke hastily 
 replied, " I wish to God they were all foxes !" 
 
 Gents. Mag. vol. 56, pt. 1. p, 17. 
 
 ALBERTUS MAGNUS. 
 
 Five years before his death, Albertus Magnus desired 
 of God that he might forget all that he had learned in 
 the studies of humanity, and profane authors ; that 
 
109 
 
 he might give himself entirely to devotion, and the 
 practice of piety.— -CheUvind's Hist. Coll. cent 3. p. 88. 
 
 THE LORD CORDES. 
 
 This sanguine French commander had such an 
 ardent desire to retake Calais from the English, that he 
 in common expressed a wish, that he might lie seven, 
 years in hell, so that Calais were again in possession 
 of the French.-- Grafton, vol. 2. p. 882. 
 
 SAINT AUGUSTINE. 
 
 This saint, before he was beatified, frequently ex- 
 pressed a wish that he had seen three things, viz. 
 Rome in its glory, — Paul in the pulpit,- -and Christ 
 Jesus in the flesh !-— Cilesti Opus Med. p. 121. 
 
110 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 JAMES I. OF ENGLAND. 
 
 When thic king first saw the public library at 
 Oxford, and perceived the little chains by which the 
 books were fastened, he expressed his, wish that ifever'it 
 should be his fate to be a prisoner, this library might 
 be his prison, those books his fellow-prisoners, and the 
 chains his fetters. — Clarke's Mirrour, c. 77. p. 349. 
 
 PHILOXENUS THE EPICURE. 
 
 Some say that this personage was a glutton, others 
 that he was a musician, which induced him to express 
 the wish, that he had a neck as long as a crane's, 
 that so he might swallow his food with the greater 
 pleasure, or send forth his notes with greater and 
 more pleasing variety and sound; yet it is a question, 
 whether, if his wish had been gratified, it would have 
 assisted him in either. 
 
 Aulus Gellim, Noct. lib. 9. c. 2. p. 503. 
 
FOLLY. 1 1 1 
 
 QUIN. 
 
 This celebrated character, improved upon this wish ; 
 when, upon tasting turtle soup, he said, " he wished he 
 had a stomach as long as a ship's cable, and every inch 
 a palate !" 
 
 SPARTAN AND CRETAN BENEVOLENCE. 
 
 The Spartans are said to have wished, that their 
 enemies might be seized with the humour of building, 
 keep a race of horses, and that their wives might prove 
 false to their beds. While the Cretans wished, as the 
 worst that could befal their worst enemies, that they 
 might be delighted with some evil custom. 
 
 Zuingius $ Val. Max. 
 
112 SIDNEY ANBOD Tl 
 
 EUDOXUS. 
 
 So anxious was Eudoxus to understand the nature of 
 the sun, that he expressed the wish, even upon the con- 
 dition that he should be burnt to death in its body.— 
 Plutarch. 
 
 ALEXANDER THE GREAT. 
 
 When this conqueror put to sea with his navy, he 
 came to an island, which he called Scillustis, others 
 Psiltusis, where, having landed, he viewed the coasts, 
 and studied the nature of that sea, and then sacrificed 
 to the gods, praying that no mortal man after him 
 might ever pass farther in that direction than he had 
 done, and so returned home. Plut. in Alex. — Zuiny. 
 Theat. vol. i., c.2., p. 154. 
 
 THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDER. 
 
 One of these hardy sons of the mountains being ask- 
 ed what he most desired of the good things in this 
 
FOLLY. 118 
 
 world, said, that he wished he had an ocean of whisky 
 and a mountain of sneeshin, (snuff). Being again 
 asked if these were all, after a little reflection, he cooly 
 replied, he should like a little mair sneeshin. 
 
 " If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." — Scot- 
 tish Proverb. 
 
 DARIUS. 
 
 When Darius was informed that the Ionians and 
 Athenians had set fire to Sard is, he expressed his con- 
 tempt for the Ionians, on whom he thought he could 
 easily avenge himself for their rebellion, but he called 
 for a bow, and shot an arrow upwards, praying, " O 
 Jupiter ! may it come to pass, that I may be avenged 
 of the Athenians." — So rooted was the enmity he had 
 conceived against them, that at every meal, he gave 
 order to one of his attendants often to repeat--" My 
 Lord, remember the Athenians." 
 
 Pezel. MeUific. torn. 1 . p. 48. 
 
I I I SIDNEY IIIICDO 
 
 FOLLY OF INTEMPERANCE. 
 
 At a wedding, near Zeghebuic, in the year 1 1 16, 
 there was such an exeess of surfeiting and drinking, 
 as had never before been witnessed j so that there died, 
 of men and women, no fewer than eighty persons! 
 
 Although we do not, now a-days, read or hear of such 
 numbers dying at one feast, many suffer by excess and 
 frequent feasting. 
 
 ALEXANDER THE GREAT. 
 
 Alexander the Great having accepted an invi- 
 tation to the sumptuous feast prepared by Medius, a 
 Thessalian, at Babylon, went thither, and drank plen- 
 tifully of wine. Having drank off the great cup of 
 Hercules to the bottom, he uttered a sudden shriek, 
 then fetched a heavy sigh, and was taken thence by his 
 friends; physicians were called, but his distemper in- 
 creased, and he endured great pain. He and they both 
 despairing of life, he took the ring from his finger and 
 gave it to Perdiccas. Being then asked who should sue- 
 ceed him, he replied, " The Best," which were his last 
 
FOLLY. 115 
 
 words, for he soon after died, having reigned eleven 
 years and seven months. 
 
 PROFESSOR PORSON. 
 
 The brightest geniuses and most learned in arts, 
 sciences and language, have been guilty of indulging 
 in occasional and frequent excesses, which caused them 
 at times to act very like fools. The late professor Por- 
 son possessed great powers of conversation, which he at 
 times applied injudiciously. Home Tooke thus spoke 
 of him : " For some time past I have had no inter- 
 course with him; the last visit he paid me, was a most 
 extraordinary one ; it was a dinner party, and, sur- 
 rounded by my friends, I sat at the head of the table. 
 Porson was among the number, and was, as usual, very 
 chatty, pleasant and good humoured, until a certain 
 period of the evening, when he committed the most 
 abominable outrage that hospitality ever felt. He had 
 shown no soreness or displeasure whatever at the topics 
 in conversation, when, impelled by some motive I could 
 never explain, he on a sudden rose from his seat, and 
 holding his glass in his hand, addressed me in these 
 words: 'I will give you, Sir, in a bumper toast, the 
 
11<> SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 health of the most detestable eharactcr in the whole 
 world — John Horne Tooke !" At this time, he was 
 flushed with wine, though his senses were by no means 
 overset by it. My friends and myself expostulated with 
 him on the indecency of his behaviour, with all possi- 
 ble good temper and complacency, but in vain; he 
 pursued a strain of the most vulgar abuse and invec- 
 tive against my principles, conduct, and political 
 life. I teazed him a little by my rapier in reply, but 
 kept myself quite cool in temper and steadily on my 
 guard. He still went on, adding grossness to grossness, 
 and scurrility to scurrility. I then went round to the 
 chair in which he was sitting, and desired him to feel 
 the muscles of my right arm — he felt them — I then 
 drew up my leg, and desired him to feel and discover, if 
 he could, whether thai had any muscular energy —He 
 did so- --'Now, Sir,' said I, 'you find that I can hoth strike 
 and kick, and if you do not hold your tongue, I will 
 first knock you down, and afterwards kick you out of my 
 house.' This menace silenced him ; but he still kept 
 his scat, drank a great deal more wine, became very 
 drunk, and was finally packed up, late at night, in a 
 post-chaise, and driven home to his lodgings in town. 
 From that time to this I have never seen Jiim." 
 
H7 
 
 FOOLISH MISTAKE. 
 
 Thomas Ruthal, for his abilities was made bishop of 
 Durham by Henry VII. and notwithstanding the dis- 
 like which cardinal Wolsey bore to him, Henry VIII. 
 made him a privy councillor, and also employed him 
 to draw up a breviate of the state of the land. Hav- 
 ing finished and got it fairly transcribed, and bound, 
 it remained only now to present it to the king. The 
 binding happening to be nearly similar to that of an in- 
 ventory of his own estate, amounting to the large sum 
 of one hundred thousand pounds, he carried the latter 
 with him instead, and presented it to the king, which 
 incident highly pleased Wolsey, who then told Henry 
 where there was a mass of money, in case of his 
 necessity : this broke the bishop's heart, and he died 
 in 1553. He had paid one third of the cost of build- 
 ing the bridge over the Tyne at Newcastle, and 
 intended several other benefactions, had he not been 
 thus surprised by death, all arising from a little 
 inattention. 
 
HS SIDNEY ANKCD0T1 
 
 FOOLISH CONFIDENCE. 
 
 Louis the Xlth. of France, considered a very politic 
 prince, being: at war with his brother Charles, duke of 
 Normandy, Francis duke of Brittany, and Charles 
 duke of Burgundy, desired much to be able to detach 
 the latter from the others, so that he might be the 
 more able to revenge himself upon them. He soli- 
 cited, therefore, an interview and conference, to 
 which the duke assented, provided that it should be, 
 for his own security, in one of his own towns on the 
 frontiers of Flanders. The king having agreed to 
 this, the meeting was appointed to be at Perronne, 
 where the duke had arrived with his army. The duke 
 having signed a letter of safe-conduct, sent it to 
 Lewis, who, in order to gain the goodwill of, and 
 show his confidence in, the duke, went to the meeting 
 entirely unguarded. The duke having just heard of 
 the revolt of the town of Liege, by the solicitations of 
 Lewis's emissaries, and seeing his enemy now in his 
 power, declared him a prisoner; nor would he release 
 him until he had recovered Liege, to which he com- 
 pelled Lewis to accompany him at no little risk of life. 
 Having also forced from him some considerable con- 
 ns in favour of his confederates, he at last set 
 him at liberty. 
 
FOLLY. 119 
 
 His first error was in not countermanding the agents 
 whom he had employed to stir up the town of Liege 
 against the duke, seeing he intended putting himself in 
 his power ; and the second, that in such a case he 
 put himself iuto the power of his enemy without any 
 absolute necessity requiring it 
 
 FOOLISH CONDUCT OF THE LEARNED. 
 
 Many men, whose early lives have been spent in 
 literary pursuits, have consequently not had the 
 opportunity of mixing much in society, and are, there- 
 fore, unacquainted with the manners and etiquette of 
 the parlour or the drawing-room. 
 
 The celebrated critic Bentley undertook a trip to 
 Paris, to see the countess of Ferrers, then on a tour 
 of pleasure. When he arrived, he found so much 
 company with the countess, that he felt such an 
 embarrassment that he could neither speak nor act at 
 ease ; and feeling the unpleasantness of his situation 
 not likely to be relieved, he withdrew, as awkwardly 
 as he had entered. 
 
 When he had retired, some asked the countess who 
 and what he was, who, they thought, had behaved so 
 ridiculously ? To which she replied, " He is so 
 
1*20 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 learned a man, that he can tell you what a chair 
 is, in Greek and Hebrew, but he docs not know how to 
 sit on one." 
 
 Our great lexicographer Johnson was both unseemly 
 in his person and manners, and enjoyed but little of 
 the society of the softer sex, or of the polite world j 
 perhaps the consciousness of his acknowledged supe- 
 riority had some effect in his retaining that asperity 
 of manner which seemed natural to him ; for even in 
 the company of Mrs. Thrale, for whom he professed 
 the greatest respect, he did not seem to study the art 
 of politeness, for when he had helped himself to a 
 piece of sugar, with his fingers, and the lady had 
 ordered the basin to be exchanged, he then threw the 
 cup, &c. he was using under the grate, saying, that 
 he presumed any thing he had touched was of no 
 farther use to her, or any one else. In his journey 
 through Scotland, where he was received with distinc- 
 tion, and respect for his talents, he often made him- 
 self appear ridiculous, and seemed to receive the 
 attentions offered him ungracefully, if not ungrate- 
 fully ; and if true as related, that his appearance and 
 conduct were such as to elicit the remark of Boswell's 
 father, when introduced to him bv the son as " the 
 great constellation of literature," that he must then 
 be the Ursa Major ; His manner must have been 
 either very awkward, or approaching to rudeness ; 
 
FOLLV. 121 
 
 but there is such a thing as vanity in the human 
 mind, from which even the most learned and the lest 
 are not entirely free ! 
 
 A FOOLISH AND INCONSIDERATE QUESTION. 
 
 Lorenzo de Medici, being engaged in a war with 
 Francis Maria duke d'Urbino, it became known to 
 him and his officers, that the Spanish captains had 
 treasonably resolved to deliver their duke into the 
 hands of the duke of Florence. One of Lorenzo's 
 captains, named Renzo de Cari, honourable, but in 
 this instance indiscreet, happening to meet and talk 
 with a drummer of the duke's army, he jestingly 
 inquired, " When will these Spaniards deliver your 
 duke prisoner? " The drummer made no reply, but, 
 on his return to the camp, reported to the duke the 
 suspicious question of Renzo de Cari : thus aroused, 
 he narrowly watched the conduct of his captains, and 
 having his suspicions further confirmed by finding 
 writings and letters among their baggage, of a trea- 
 sonable nature, the conspirators were committed, and 
 convicted. The question of Renzo, so thoughtlessly 
 put, was the cause of the death of the captains, and 
 
1 '2'2 s 1 1) s b \ 
 
 failure of the conspiracy, ami it caused Lorenzo to 
 consume mora time in putting an end to the war, than 
 would otherwise have been necessary. 
 
 FOOLISH LITIGANTS. 
 
 There have been many long law-suits in former 
 days, and many are now pending, which no one knows 
 when they may end. A plaintiff and defendant of the 
 Gloucestershire breed, viz. the heirs of Sir Thomas 
 Talbot, viscount Lisle, and those of lord Berkley, 
 began a suit about certain possessions near to Wotton- 
 under-Edge, in Gloucester, in the reign of Edward IV. 
 which was not determined until the reign of king 
 James, when it was finally compounded. 
 
 FOOLISH QUARREL. 
 
 Two brothers, of an ancient family at Padua, 
 
 1 dc Liniino, taking a walk together after supper 
 
 on a summer's evening, their attention was drawn to 
 
 the brightness and number of the stars above them, 
 
FOLLY. 123 
 
 the sky being very clear. The one, in ajoke, remark- 
 ed, " I wish I had as many oxen as I see stars ;" to 
 which the other promptly added his wish, that he had 
 " a pasture as wide as the firmament;" and turning 
 to his brother, asked, " But where would you feed 
 such a number of oxen ?" The other replied, " Why, 
 brother, in thy pasture, to be sure." " But what if 
 J would not suffer thee ?" u I would," said the other, 
 " whether thou wouldst or not." " Wouldst thou in 
 spite of my teeth ?" " Yea, marry would I, whatever 
 thou wouldst do to the contrary." More words 
 brought on rage, and they at last drew their swords, 
 and set to it in right earnest; when, in the turn of a 
 pass, each received the sword of the other in the 
 body, and they fell. Their friends, hearing the con- 
 tention, came out to their aid, but too late, for they 
 found the brothers weltering in their blood, who, being 
 carried into the house, very shortly afterwards 
 expired. 
 
 FOOLISH IDENTIFICATION. 
 
 A noted highwayman, having robbed a gentleman 
 on the road, found himself hotly pursued, by a party 
 
I.M SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 whom tho geotftemaa had met Mid informed of his 
 
 In eider to M they happened to be better 
 
 mounted than he was, lie dismounted, and took to his 
 heels through the fields, when he came up with a man 
 driving a plough ; who happening to wear a wig to 
 keep his bead warm, as the robber did for disguise, he 
 instantly exchanged coverings, and made the best of 
 
 v to elude his pursuers. The party soon after, 
 following the same track, came up to the ploughman, 
 ami seeing the wig on his head, the gentleman de- 
 clared positively he was the man, and he was hailed 
 off to prison. When the day of trial came on, he was 
 placed at the bar, and positively sworn to as the very 
 
 I who had committed the robbery ; and the jury 
 
 mis all that was stated against him, were about 
 to pronounce a verdict of guilty ; but the said actual 
 
 r being in court, begged to be heard one minute 
 in the prisoner's behalf: which being granted, he 
 Raid, 4< My lord and gentlemen, this person seems to 
 swear more positively to the wig than to the person of 
 
 tan ; perhaps if I were to put on the said wig, he 
 -wear to nu •," at tli» mme time exchanging cover- 
 ings with the prisoner. The witness, now seeing the 
 10 saw him on the highway, ex- 
 Thatfl the man, that is the man, my lord, 
 who r " on which the robber, taking or! 
 
FOLLY. ISG 
 
 the wig and offering; it to his lordship, requested the 
 favour of his putting it on, when perhaps, the gentle- 
 man would swear that his lordship was the robber!" 
 Of course the innocent man was acquitted. 
 
 FOOLISH PARENTS. 
 
 In theoth chapter of Gil Bias, (by Smollett,) a rob- 
 ber is made to speak contemptuously of his parents, 
 thus : — " Lest study should fatigue me in my tender 
 years, I was allowed to spend them in the most child- 
 ish amusements ; my father observing, that children 
 ought not to apply seriously to any thing, until time 
 should ha\e ripened the understanding. In expecta- 
 tion of this maturity, I never learned to read nor write, 
 but nevertheless made good use of my time ; for, my 
 father taught me a thousand different games ; I became 
 perfectly acquainted with cards, was no stranger to 
 dice, &c. &c." All his foibles and indecencies were 
 excused ; an indulgent tutor, and others dismissed, be- 
 cause they believed the tales of their son against them. 
 Another procured, who gave into all his desires ; and 
 he continues, " if, during my childhood, I had lived 
 pretty freely, it was quite another thing when I became 
 M 2 
 
I2(i SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 master of my own actions; I every moment ridiculed 
 my parents, who did nothing but laugh at my sallies, 
 which were the more agreeable, the more insolence 
 they contained. Meanwhile, I committed all kinds of 
 debauchery, in the company of other young men of the 
 same disposition, and as our parents did not supply us 
 with money sufficient to support such a delicious life, 
 every one pilfered what he could at his oivn home, but 
 that being also insufficient, we began to rob in the 
 dark." ■. We see the sequel in almost every paper of 
 the day. 
 
 FOOLISH SUPERSTITIOUS FEARS. 
 
 Many in this country, in the present day of the 
 inarch of intellect, still entertain a foolish fear of spil- 
 ling a little salt, prognosticating ill luck ; when thir- 
 teen in company, one shall die before the year is out; 
 a running of the candle, a winding sheet; a spark in 
 it, a letter; and several other trifling incidents, — ;i^ ii 
 the Almighty would adopt such silly means of warning 
 r or death, when he could as easily com- 
 mand, as in former times, things more important to 
 the purpose of his Providence ; and to suppose 
 
127 
 
 the Deity operated upon by such silly events, is, if 
 possible, st\\\ more ridiculous and absurd. — See Spec- 
 tator. 
 
 FOLLY OF THE PUBLIC. 
 
 Notwithstanding the numerous exposures of quack- 
 ery, by men of education and character, it is truly 
 astonishing, that so many still believe in the virtues of 
 certain medicines, cordials, balsams, elixirs, and oint- 
 ments, when they might be better, and more safely 
 supplied, and at a cheaper rate, by a regular surgeon 
 or apothecary ; but the public are so credulous in these 
 cases, that they swallow any thing that is putfed off in 
 the newspapers, and the vendors are foolishly encou- 
 raged in their imposition on the public by the govern- 
 ment, which receives a considerable revenue from the 
 duties on stamps used. An advertising doctor, whose 
 balsam was just appearing for the benefit of the public, 
 had some difficulty in getting it into a sale ; but as he 
 knew that " one fool makes many," he sent a lot of 
 bottles of his stuff to Kendal, and employed an agent 
 to purchase them, who stated to the bookseller, the great 
 l>enefit he had received by using them ; another order 
 
US SIDNEY AtBCDOTES. 
 
 e oonseqeence. He played off this trick upon 
 
 others, nixl got the thing a nave, which it kept for 
 
 Many other recipe* and patent stuff's, 
 
 arc equally simple, and of no value ; but Jolin Hull ii 
 
 ! natured fool, and believes any liar that has a 
 jdtt -nt. 
 
 FOOLISH TRAVELLERS TAKEN IN. 
 
 Two London commercial travellers, being in the 
 vicinity of Gilead House, took a whim to view its inte- 
 rior, and taste the Doctor's cordial, ifhe would offer any 
 to them gratis, for which purpose they rang the bell at 
 
 ite, and wore admitted. The doctor rec< 
 
 tl:«ni \( rv graciously. They stated, they had received 
 
 consicU rable U-ncfit from the use of his cordial, and 
 
 the person to whom they and the 
 
 pnhlir much Indebted. The .lew, having 
 
 shown them his pretty little seat, he politely asked the 
 
 >/> nt I, -mm if they would taste anything; they em- 
 
 tlie opportunity of tasting, for the first time, 
 
 i dial, when he placed before them one 
 
 of hi^ 108. (id. Im.iiI. , ; this they soon dispatched, 
 
 being simple and palatable , and said, they would 
 
FOLLY. 129 
 
 thank him for another. No sooner said than done ; 
 this quickly followed the other. After some little chat, 
 our heroes wore about taking their departure, smiling 
 at having gulled Solomon ; but they were rather in a 
 brown study, when the doctor politely asked them for 
 10s. 6d. " Why, doctor, you presented them to us." 
 " Truly, gentlemen, I offered you one, but you order- 
 ed the other."— They paid the 10s. 6d. and he had the 
 grin at them. 
 
 FOLLY OF TEMERITY. 
 
 Euguerrand of Marigny, a man of great ability, was 
 financier to Phillip the Fair, and after his death, found 
 himself persecuted by Charles of Valois, who sharply 
 demanding of him an account of the treasures of the 
 late king, received for answer,— -"It is to you, sir, I 
 have given a great part of them, and the rest h ave 
 been employed in the king's affairs." The prince 
 giving him the lie, he replied hastily, " By G — , sir, 
 it is you yourself." This insolent rtply caused him 
 to be sent to the gallows, which in his greatest power 
 he had caused to be erected at Montfaucon. 
 
BIDNE1 \\r.( DOTES. 
 
 POLLY or DESIRE OF POWER. 
 
 A.GA1 . the general of the Grecian f 
 
 red it an intolerable burden to 
 Iriog, ami the commander of so great a people,— 
 and Sn tfi I . ''that if men did but 
 
 sufficiently comprehend how laborious and trouble- 
 some it was but to write and read so many epistles as 
 the affairs of a prince required, they would not so much 
 rp to piek up a royal diadem, should they find 
 one lying in the highway." 
 
 FOLLY OF PIMT)I\ AND WISDOM < 
 IH.MIL1TV. 
 
 ''ride may make a man violent, but 
 
 humility will make him firm ; and which of the two do 
 
 you think likely to <omc off with honour,-, he who acts 
 
 from t tide impulse of heated blood, and fol- 
 
 1 motives of his pride and fury; or, 
 
 >l and reflected in himself, who 
 
 overned by 
 
1:31 
 
 them, and on every occasion acts upon the steady mo- 
 tives of principle and duty? With regard to the pro- 
 vocations and offences which are unavoidably happen- 
 ing to a man in his commerce with the world, take it 
 as a rule — as a man's pride is, so is always his displea- 
 sure ; as the opinion of himself rises, so does the injury, 
 so does his resentment; 'tis that which gives edge 
 and force to the instrument which has struck him, and 
 excites that heat in the wound which renders it incura- 
 ble. The proud man acts as if every mortal was void 
 of sense and feeling, yet is possessed of so nice and ex- 
 quisite an one himself, that the slights, the little neg- 
 lects and instances of desertion, which would be scarce 
 felt by another man, are perpetually wounding him— 
 there is no one weakness into which the heart of man 
 is more easily betrayed, or which requires greater helps 
 of good sense and yood principles to guard against" 
 
 FOLLY OF EXPENSIVE DRESS. 
 
 When George Villiers, duke of Buckingham, 
 favourite and minion of James I., was ambassador at 
 the court of Louis XIII., j.nd admitted to an audience 
 of the French monarch, he had jewels on his coat, 
 valued at one hundred thousand pounds. 
 
191 1IDNB1 ANECDOTES 
 
 SIR WALTER RALEIGH. 
 
 Sir Walter, who was a favourite of queen Elizabeth, 
 when he appeared at court, had his shoes set with pearls 
 and preeious stones; their value estimated to six thou- 
 sand six hundred crowns. 
 
 SIR JOHN ARUNDEL. 
 
 John Arundel, with others, coming home into 
 liiitain, wen all lost in a tempest, in the third year of 
 Richard II. His furniture, &c, was all consigned to 
 the deep, among which it is said there were two hun- 
 dred and fifty new suits of apparel, made of gold cloth 
 and tissue. 
 
 CHARLES, DUKE OF BURGUNDY. 
 
 This prince had one garment which cost the sum of 
 two hundred thousand ducats, — a luxury which could 
 not then be obtained or maintained but by the oppres- 
 I those he governed. 
 
133 
 
 FEMALE VANITY. 
 
 A Roman lady, named Lollia Paulina, went to a 
 banquet, having about her, chains, carcanets, and pre- 
 cious stones, to the value of a million of gold ! Her 
 father, in order to adorn his only daughter, had de- 
 spoiled the Roman provinces, yet was he compelled to 
 swallow poison, in the desperation of his affairs. 
 
 MICHAEL PALFOLOGUS THE GREEK EMPE- 
 ROR, AND NUGAS THE SCYTHIAN 
 MONARCH. 
 
 When the emperor sent a present of certain rich 
 robes to Nugas, he inquired of those who brought them, 
 " Nunquam calamitates, morbas, mortemque depel- 
 lere possent?"— - Whether they could drive away cala- 
 mities, sickness and death? For, in his opinion, if 
 they could not, they were not of much importance or 
 value. 
 
1.1 1 
 
 DEMETRIUS' CLOAK. 
 
 The Dcnutrius, us well as his garments, 
 
 d ovci with purple and gold, and hisCLOA.1 
 
 10 richly woven with representation! of the world and 
 
 ITS, that no k i n Lr after him ventured to appear 
 
 in it, to excite the envy of others, being so magnificent 
 
 trainable. 
 
 A ROMAN IMLKTC)K\S CLOAKS. 
 
 . intending to make as magnificent a show 
 
 as he could, sent to borrow of Lucullus a number of 
 
 i, who answered, be would see how many he had, 
 
 and next lay sent to know how many were wanted : 
 
 ne hundred would suffice, he desired them 
 
 p hundred. Horace (epistle 6) says five 
 
 •arcely imagine the necessity of so many 
 i, only it appears from Martial, that at their pub- 
 r nKih Etonians often changed their 
 • utatiously to display their variety. 
 
FOLLV. 13*3 
 
 Tmiccies una surrexti Zoile ccena 
 Et mutata tibi est Scynthesis undocics. 
 
 Eleven times didst thou arise, O Zoilus, at one supper, 
 And thou didst change thy mantle, also, eleven times. 
 
 We wonder if our modern Romeo can boast of such 
 variety, either for stage or private use. 
 
 THB CREEKS, AND THE EMPEROR 
 HENRY THE FIFTH. 
 
 The emperor Henry, having conquered Sicily and 
 Naples, about the year 1197, turned his thoughts 
 upon Greece; and sent an embassy to Alexius Angelas, 
 the Greek emperor, demanding a large sum as a tribute ; 
 threatening war, in case of refusal. Alexius, hearing 
 of the arrival of the embassy and their mission, thought 
 he would command their reverence by a splendid dis- 
 play of his riches, and ordered his nobles to attend him 
 in their richest dresses and jewels ; himself covered, 
 from head to foot, with dazzling splendour. 
 
 This gorgeous display, far from exciting a dread in the 
 minds of the Germans,only inflamed their desire for the 
 combat, that they might enrich themselves with the 
 
136 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 spoil of their vain rivals ; who pointing to their 
 emperor, said, " See how he appears, like a flowery 
 meadow," &c. to which the Germans made answer, 
 that they were not affected by the feminine display ; 
 and the time was now come, when the Grecians must 
 change their gold for iron ; for, unless their message 
 was favourably answered, they must fight with men, who 
 did not glory in their embroidered garments, as pea- 
 cocks in their feathers ; hut with the sons of Mars, who 
 could carry sparkles in their eyes, and whose sweat 
 drops should resemble orient pearls ! These words had 
 an alarming effect upon the effeminate Greeks ; but 
 the death of Henry, which took place soon after, pre- 
 vented them from proceeding to hostilities, as they so 
 anxiously desired ! 
 
 FOLLY OF THE ENGLISH IN DRESS. 
 
 An Italian painter, named Lucas de Keer, who 
 resided in England in the time of Elizabeth, was 
 ordered by that princess to depict the character of the 
 i h dresses. Being a man of some humour, he 
 
 drew the figure of a man, in a state of nakedness, with 
 a number of pieces of various coloured cloths, strewed 
 
l-.U.LV. 137 
 
 around him ; in his hand was a pair of scissors, and a 
 label hung from his mouth, on which was inscribed these 
 words : — 
 
 " I am an Englishman, and naked I stand h< 
 Musing in my mind, what garment I shall w< 
 
 Elizabeth was much pleated with, and commended 
 his wit, and rewarded him liberally. 
 
 A FOOLISH TYPOGRAPHER REPROVED, 
 
 uilkiiLT the printer, return a visit 
 
 to London, waited npoo Dean Swift, dressed in a 
 laced waistcoat, and with a i 
 
 . and with great ceremony ; 
 and asked him, u Pray s sir, what are your commands 
 with me?" — To which plied, M I thought it 
 
 niv duty, sir, to wait up«'n you, on my arrival from 
 London," — "Pray, sir, who arc you?"— M G 
 Faulkner, the printer, sir." — " You, George Faulkner, 
 the printer' -Why, you impudent, barefaced- 
 did ' I a plain, sober < iti/< n, and 
 
 would iKvii trick himself out in lace and oth< 
 M 2 
 
13$ SIDNEY AM.CDOTES. 
 
 . Get yoti gone, you rascal, or I will send you 
 Immediately to the House of Correction. " ---Away 
 went the printer, as fast as his legs could carry him 
 
 . where having changed his court dress to that of 
 a lm>iuess one, he returned to the Dean, who received 
 him now very cordially; saying, " My friend George, 
 I am glad to see you return safe from London ;---why, 
 here lias been an impudent fellow with me just now, 
 
 I in a laced waistcoat, and he would fain pass 
 himself otf for you ; but I sent him away with a flea in 
 hit ear." 
 
 RUSSIAN SUPERSTITION. 
 
 A recent traveller relates, that the town of Kiev, 
 which contained, in the ninth century, 400 churches, 
 H market places, and a very numerous population, is 
 ithout these signs of magnificence, although 
 still large, regularly built and populous, and chief of 
 hid so named. The catacombs more particu- 
 larly show the wreck of corroding time: " these," he 
 add*, u many thousands of infatuated people in the 
 in empire, goon foot to visit every year. The 
 preparation for descending into this repository of the 
 
FOLLY. 139 
 
 dead was more solemn than the scene itself; for the 
 monk accompanying us related such incredible and 
 ridiculous stories of the saints whose relics lay there, 
 that we must have had a more than common share 
 of credulity to have believed them. Every person 
 going down into these vaults purchases a wax ta- 
 per, and having lighted it, in solemn silence follows 
 the monk, who, as he conducts the visitors through 
 these vaulted sepultures of the dead, opens the coffin 
 lid, unfolds the shroud, and tells the name of the 
 saint enshrined in that repository; no part of the 
 body is to be seen, of course the flesh is all wasted, 
 and the bones only remain perfect, from having been 
 constantly kept from the air; the face and hands are 
 commonly covered with gold or silver tissue or bro- 
 cade ; a cap is placed on the head, of the same mate- 
 rial. Several cells are shown, where, they say, 
 monks, in a vow of penance, have had themselves 
 nailed up, and only a little window left, at which they 
 received daily their bread and water, and there 
 remained until their deaths. In one of the cells are 
 twelve masons who built the church, and then entered 
 as monks into the monastery. In another place you 
 are shown the body, or rather the head and shoulders 
 of a man stuck in the ground : in a vow of penance 
 he dug a hole, in which he placed himself, standing, 
 
I i<> MHMV WKdiull 
 
 with hi* hands by his sides, and then had the hole 
 filled, so that only his head and a little below the 
 shoulders eoiild 1 « seen ; here he lived, they say, 
 fifttt 11 yeart, having food and drink brought to him, 
 and a lamp eontinually burning by his side : they 
 still allow him a lamp, which burns day and night con 
 tinually, though he has been dead six or seven hun- 
 dred years; this, however, they can well afford to 
 do, as he brings a considerable share of the riches of 
 the convent. 
 
 The cap he wears is supposed to work miracles, 
 and restore the sick ; accordingly, hundreds come to 
 ma, and wear his cap, which is fre- 
 quently the undoubted means of restoring health, 
 though not in the way that enthusiasm and credulity 
 lie, but by the simjtlc process of being the cause 
 ot tin ir taking unusual exercise in the open air, and 
 ■IflO (i ti in jit nun « not habitual to them. I should not 
 omit to mention, that St. Antonia is said to sink a 
 Itttlr lower in tin- ground every year, and that the 
 \v.»rld is t<» be at end by the time he entirely disap- 
 ' the wonder* which they relate, this 
 d as the greatest; and if time, 
 does not annihilate the 
 , St. Antonia will probably 
 
FOLLY. Ml 
 
 not disappear while he continues so instrumental to 
 the well-doing of his brethren. 
 
 Having so particularly mentioned the merits of 
 this saint, let me do justice to the others also, and 
 state, that all have their votaries, and that money 
 lay scattered in every coffin, as if the " Golden age" 
 had returned, and man no longer continued to heap 
 sordid gold, or require its aid to help him to the com- 
 forts of life. It is reckoned, that from sixty to a 
 hundred thousand pilgrims, from all parts of the 
 Russian empire, visit the monastery of Kiev, in one 
 year, and the revenue the monks derive from the sale 
 of wax candles is alone sufficient to furnish food for 
 the establishment. " 
 
 A FOOLISH BOASTER, 
 
 About Knowledge of Great Things, puzzled with the 
 Knowledge of the Least. 
 
 The heretic Eunaminus boasted, that he perfectly 
 understood the nature of God ; while, at the same 
 time, he was puzzled by St. Basil, in twenty-one 
 questions concerning the body of an ant. 
 
142 
 
 POO] ISH CHOICE OF A COUNSELLOR 
 
 The emperor Caligula entertained such a high 
 (•pinion of his horse Sniffy that he had it to sup with 
 him j eating his provender out of golden vessels, and 
 drinking wine also out of goblets of the same metal ; he 
 usually swore by his health and fortune, and promised 
 that he should be ma.de consul ; which would have 
 
 . had the horse lived. He made him jniest and 
 iguewith himself in the pontificate. He pro- 
 vided a house, family, and servants, &c. for it, and a 
 stable of marble, with an ivory manger ;-- his capari- 
 sons ami harness were of purple, and a jewel of pre« 
 hung at his poictrel f 
 
 Suetonius. 
 
H:i 
 
 A FOOLISH NARRATOR EXPOSED. 
 
 Some persons are so foolish as to suppose all others 
 are like unto themselves, else would they not dare to 
 insult our understandings by narrations which they 
 know are lies y and none but fools could believe. One, 
 who had travelled a little, thinking he might take a 
 liberty of this kind, told his hearers, that among other 
 things of magnitude, he saw a cabbage tree, the 
 branches of which covered an extent of several acres, 
 under which an army might have been protected from 
 the heat of the sun. 
 
 Having ended his wonderful tale, a gentleman beg- 
 ged the attention of the company for a few seconds, 
 while he gave them an account of a wonderful thing 
 he had seen in the same quarter of the world; and 
 very gravely stated, that being in that part of the globe 
 about the same time, he was crossing a plain, and heard 
 a great noise, which increased as he advanced, as of 
 hammers at work. On his near approach, he saw se- 
 veral ladders laid against the side of a bright lofty wall, 
 which he had the curiosity to ascend. 
 
 On looking over, he perceived a number of men at 
 work, far below, and around ; and now found that the 
 
144 SIDNEY ANECDOil 
 
 article he was examining, was circular. Curiosity 
 induced him to inquire of one of the workmen, what 
 thry were making; who told him, it was a huge 
 copper. The wonder of the first story teller, being 
 d, lie quickly asked, u what could such a huge 
 copper be intended for ? " Why," says the other, " they 
 told me, it was to boil the large cabbages you, saw 
 growing, and now told us of !" 
 
 A FOOLISH FLIGHT. 
 
 A person having some knowledge of machinery, 
 thought of a flight in the upper regions ; for which 
 purpose, he set about the construction of a pair of 
 Having finished such a pair as he thought 
 would serve his purpose, he gate out, that on a certain 
 day, he would take a flight from the church steeple. 
 And as any tiling, now a-days, however strange and un- 
 likely, is certain of obtaining credit with the crowd, a 
 number had assembled to witness the flight of 
 tail flying man. On his program to the church, one 
 of the lookers-on, a little more considerate than the 
 others, ventured a hint, that he had as well try first to 
 fly up to the steeple, be/ore he ventured a flight down- 
 
POLLY. Mo 
 
 iwrds. Tli is had not before struck the mind of the 
 airy aspirant, and the impracticability of the one 
 alarmed him of the danger of the other, so that he 
 turned round, and slunk home to re-consider of his 
 voyage in the thin element. 
 
 FOLLY OF MANY IN THEIR CHARITIES. 
 
 It hath been a practice in times past, is non-, and 
 we believe ever shall be, for men to bestow charity 
 without a due discrimination. Some give because they 
 are pressed to it, and have not the courage to resist 
 importunity; others are flattered by the object soli- 
 citing; many give from ostentation, because they are 
 solicited by the great, and will see their names exhi- 
 bited in the list with the royal, and noble, and rich. 
 But that person is truly charitable, who, having a 
 knowledge of the illness, poverty, and necessities of 
 others, kindly affords them the relief that is best suited 
 to their condition: who "does good by stealth, and 
 blushes to find it fame." — A story of times past informs 
 us that begging and imposition were not then uncom- 
 mon. Camerarius relates a Story from Jodocus Dam- 
 houd : He was sitting before the gate of the senate- 
 
 vol r. o 
 
1 Mi STDNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 , with some senators of Bruges, when a beggar 
 presented himself, expressing his miserable poverty 
 with tears and pitiful gestures, adding, that he was 
 afflicted with a private disease, which shame prevented 
 him from discovering to the eye. Sympathising with 
 the man, who appeared sadly distressed, they all con- 
 tributed, and gave him some relief, when he took his 
 
 lure. 
 of the party had a desire to learn the nature of 
 the private disorder with which the poor man was 
 afflicted, and humanely sent his servant after him to 
 inquire. When the servant found him, beseemed still 
 loath to reveal the secret infirmity, but on examining 
 his face, hands, breasts, arms, &c. and finding all 
 about him in health and whole, he asked him of what 
 he could possibly complain. " Alas," said the mendi- 
 cant, " the disease with which 1 am afflicted is such 
 
 i cannot see, nor have a ri^ht conception of; it 
 hath crept over my whole body, it hath passed through 
 
 ins and marrow, so that there is not one member 
 
 of my body able to perform any labour— by some, my 
 
 • ailed Idleness and Sloth!" The servant 
 
 felt Angry, and returned with the account, which 
 
 : their mirth, but on their sending to inquire 
 
 ,:. hi u.is not to be found. 
 
117 
 
 A FOOLISH CHALLENGER ANSWERED. 
 
 The Reverend John Carter, vicar of Bramford in 
 Suffolk, an excellent scholar but a modest man, being 
 at dinner with a party, among whom were some other 
 clergymen, at the house of a magistrate at Ipswich, one 
 of the latter, from whose years and education one 
 would have looked for more discretion, talked much, 
 and boasted of his powers and acquirements, ending 
 with this challenge: "Here are many learned men, 
 if any of you will propose any question in divinity or 
 philosophy, I will dispute with him, resolve his doubts, 
 and satisfy him fully 1" Mr. Carter, seeing that no 
 one else would enter the lists, very coolly accosted him 
 
 by name. " Mr. , I will go no further than my 
 
 trencher to puzzle you. Here is a sole ; now tell me 
 the reason why this fish, that has always lived in salt 
 water, should come ontfresh . ? " The froward gentle- 
 man could make no reply, and was laughed out of his 
 vain conceit of himself. 
 
I l> SIDNEY \M:t DOTES. 
 
 BOASTING OF RICHEK REPROVED. 
 
 Aleibiades, in his youth, boasting of his riches and 
 lands in the hearing of Socrates, that philosopher took 
 him into a room where there hung a map of the world. 
 u Now," said Socrates, "where is the County of At- 
 tica r" Aleihiades having pointed it out, " Lay, then, 
 your finger on your own lands there." Alcibiades 
 stating that they were not there described,—" What, 
 then," said the philosopher, u do you boast yourself 
 of that which is no part of the earth ?" 
 
 FOOLISH BOASTER i A HINT THAT UK LILD. 
 
 A \ oculist 0/ our own nation, who thouyht he could 
 
 1 well ;i> I5raham or Incledon, happening to be 
 
 complimented on the power of his voice, when treating 
 
 company with a stave or two, his vanity 
 
 eight, when he expreaied his acknow- 
 
 adding, that he could make anything of his 
 
 of the party who had observed the mi 
 
 ..lured the hint, that he had 
 ; make a goml pair of breeches of it. 
 
149 
 
 FOOLISH BOASTING OF POxMPEY THE GREAT. 
 
 Pompey boasted, when the news of Caesar's having 
 passed the Rubicon reacned Rome, that if he should 
 but stamp with one foot on the earth of Italy, forth- 
 with there would start up from thence troops of horse 
 and foot in arms ! Yet did he flee shamefully before 
 the enemy he so much contemned. 
 
 FOLLY OF TOO CONFIDENT ANTICIPATION 
 RIDICULED. 
 
 On the occasion of the defeat of the famous invin- 
 cible Spanish armada, two medals were struck, one 
 with the device of a fleet flying under sail, with the 
 motto, u venit, vidit^fuyit ; n the other intended more 
 particularly to honour the queen, represented fire- 
 ships, and a fleet in the utmost confusion, having this 
 motto, •' dux fcemina facti." The wits of Rome 
 would not spare even the head of the church on this 
 occasion, for they affixed to the statue of Pasquin the 
 following sarcastic notice : — " Pontificem mille anno- 
 rum, indulgentias largiturum esse de plenitudine 
 o 2 
 
l.'jd 
 
 
 ; indicaTerit quid sit 
 factum mica, quo abicrit ; in columnt 
 
 sublata, an ad tartara detrusa, va in acra alicum 
 n in aliquo man Auctuet;" — id est, " The 
 in the inexhaustible plenitude of his power, 
 will grant indulgences for a thousand years to any- 
 one who shall bring him certain intelligence what has 
 '. whither it was gone, 
 whether it was snatched up to heaven, or thrust down 
 to hell ; whether hanging in the air, or driving about 
 in any part of the ocean !" 
 
 FOLLY OF A KING IN NOT HEARING THK 
 TRUTH. 
 
 RudolphuSj king of the Heruli, being at war with 
 
 king of the Lombards, committed his army to 
 
 ip tains, while he remained in his tent, jesting 
 
 le. When about to join battle, he sent one to 
 
 ] the fortune of tie battle, 
 
 i, that if he should be the bearer of unwel- 
 
 ■ id. The scout 
 
 the Heruli begin to the, dared not to carry the 
 
 , hut also Bed to save hit own head, 
 
FOLLY. 151 
 
 now in danger both ways ; by which means the foolish 
 Rudolph, and all his attendants, were sui prised in 
 their tent, and put to death ! 
 
 FOOLISH PROPENSITY. 
 
 We lately read of the transportation of a person, in 
 a respectable situation of life in the capital of the 
 sister kingdom, for exercising his ingenuity in ab- 
 stracting various articles from shops, and houses where 
 he professionally visited: these articles he did not 
 want, and did not seem to have used many of them ; 
 but so powerful was the propensity to self- appropri- 
 ation, that he had a large camlet cloak prepared, full 
 of pockets, to receive whatever he could conveniently 
 carry away. 
 
 Such instances are more numerous than many arc 
 aware of, and in most cases they appear to arise from 
 an aberration of intellect, rather than from dishonesty 
 of principle ; while some appear to have no other 
 motive than the mere gratification which a monkey, 
 or the clown in the pantomime, appears to feel, in 
 playing a foolish or mischievous trick. We have 
 heard of one gentleman who generally carried off with 
 
IIDNET ANFCDOTES. 
 
 him sonic of the silver spoons, &o. from the house 
 where he hatl .lined ; hut this propensity in him being 
 known, the friend who had lost any thing, had only 
 to go and search his closet and take his own back 
 i, and say nothing more ahout it : in some cases, 
 when nil friends knew where he had dined, they would 
 of their own accord restore them, and he seemed to 
 take no more interest in the goods after he had suc- 
 ceeded in carrying them off. We also knew of a case 
 in which a lady in an interesting situation, while 
 sojourning for a time at the house of a friend, concealed 
 in her own little chest whatever trifles she could lay her 
 hands on, but the chest never being locked, the good 
 people of the house looked into it daily, and took out 
 whatever belonging to them was placed in it, and 
 sometimes the same articles were abstracted twice or 
 in one day without remark from either party. 
 We question if this lady was really a thief, and have 
 no doubt that some are punished with the utmost seve- 
 rity of the law, who are fitter objects for being inmates 
 of a lunatic asylum. 
 
FOLLV. ioS 
 
 FOOLISH ANTIQUARY. 
 
 Pichler, a celebrated gem engraver, laboured bard 
 upon a beautiful stone, hoping to produce a gem in imi- 
 tation of the antique. He had just finished, when 
 the stone was missing: his apprentice was suspected, 
 but he had no proof of the fact of his being the thief. 
 Alfani, a noted antiquary of Rome, called shortly 
 afterwards upon Piehler, to show him a valuable gem 
 which he had recently bought for fifty sequins, of 
 Christiani who had it from a countryman, as he re- 
 ported, who found it while ploughing. Pichler was 
 surprised when he discovered it to be his own, and 
 asked Alfani if he was sure of its being an antique? 
 " No doubt, no modern could exhibit ^uch perfection." 
 Pichler felt gratified with this commendation of his 
 production, but still retained the secret in his own 
 breast. Alfani called some time after, and told 
 Pichler that he was about setting off for Paris, where 
 he had no doubt some connoisseur would give him a 
 good priee for the gem ; at the same time he a-ked 
 Pichler if he could not engrave one so as to pass for 
 an original. This the artist engaged to do, and pro- 
 duced an exact imitation of his own work, for which 
 Alfani paid him forty sequins. These the virtuoso 
 
\'A S1DNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 took to Paris, and sold both as originals to two emi- 
 nent collector* The two purchasers happening to 
 shortly after, the one exclaimed, exultingly, 
 M Here ia a valuable antique I have lately bought !" 
 44 True!" answered the other; " 1 perceive you 
 bought a copy of the original on my finger, which I 
 purchased of Alfani." "Nonsense!" rejoined the 
 other; 44 mine is the original, and yours is the copy." 
 Angry words passed, and a bet to a good amount was 
 laid, to be decided by Pichler, to whom the two gems 
 ■eat for his opinion. His answer was, " You 
 may draw your bets, fori was the engraver of both." 
 Pilcher found out, after this, that his own appren- 
 had stolen it, .and employed a countryman to 
 dispose of the gem to Christiani, as an antique he had 
 found in the earth,— a fraudulent practice not unfre- 
 quent in Italy. 
 
 FOOLISH VANITY REPROVED. 
 
 Rowe, the poet, was not very particular in his dress 
 and appearance, but very vain in being taken notice 
 of by persons of rank and title. Being a frequenter 
 of the Wit's Coffee House, the Cocoa Tree, St. James 
 
FOLLY". 166 
 
 Street, where also doctor Garth was a constant visi'or ; 
 he came in one morning, and finding the doctor enga- 
 ged in conversation with two persons of rank, he placed 
 himself in a box opposite ; in order, if possible, to catch 
 the attention of the doctor and his companions : not 
 finding himself taken notice of, he called the waiter, 
 and sent him to the doctor for his snuff-box, which he 
 knew was of value, being set with diamonds, the gift of 
 a foreign prince ; this he returned and sent for so 
 often, that Garth, perceiving the vain intention of the 
 poet, took out his pencil, and wrote on the lid two 
 Greek characters, <j> p (phi rho,) which Rowe per- 
 ceiving the next time he took the box in his hand, he 
 felt so humbled, that he immediately left the room. 
 
 FOOLISH VANITY OF NAPOLEON. 
 
 When Buonaparte was at Schoenbrunn, he occa- 
 sionally amused himself with a game at vingt et un. 
 One evening, having been fortunate and won a small 
 sum, he boastingly shook the pieces in his hand, saying, 
 "The Germans love these little Napoleon's, don't 
 they?" " Y< s," answered general Rapp, "they do, 
 sire, but they arc not at all fond of the great one." 
 

 OOLISH FRENCH MARQUIS EXPOSED BY 
 Wli RUSSIAN. 
 
 Th€ Swiss doctor, Michael Sehuppach, who lived at 
 .m, in the Em men thai, was much resorted to in 
 it century by persons of all ranks, from France, 
 Germany, and more distant countries. On one occa- 
 linn, he had in his laboratory several French ladies 
 ntlemen, and a Russian prince, with his fail and 
 beautiful daughter. A French marquis, to amuse the 
 . as lie thought, made several attempts to pass his 
 up<»n the doctor, hut the Swiss physician gene- 
 rally turned the laugh against the marquis ; who find- 
 in.: himself foiled, was pleased when he saw an old 
 gentleman, with a long grey heard, and plainly dn 
 
 the laboratory. The doctor left the exalted 
 
 my without ceremony, to prcscrihe for the wife 
 
 of his old acquaintance, who awaited the mixture of the 
 
 preparation. Our marquifl now turned his wit to the 
 
 old man's white beard, and offered a het of twelve 
 
 Tors, that not a lady in company would venture 
 
 How The heautiful Russian, hearing 
 
 used her attendant to hring a plate, 
 
 into which she put twelve louisd'ors, when it was liand- 
 
 arquis, who, «■: ompelled to 
 
 sian beauty then 
 
roLur. 137 
 
 approached the venerable peasant, and respectfully 
 asked permission to salute him after the fashion of 
 her country, and gave him a hearty kiss ; then pre- 
 senting him the gold on the plate, she added : " Take 
 this, venerable father, as a remembrance of me, and 
 as a token that the Russian girls think it a duty to 
 honour old acce." 
 
 FOOLISH SPEECH OF HARBOTTLE 
 GRIMSTONE. 
 
 A bill for abolishing Episcopacy having been brought 
 into the House of Commons at the breaking out of 
 the civil wars, Mr. Harbottle Grimstone, one of its 
 most zealous advocates, thus gravely argued : " That 
 archbishops are not jure divino, is no question ; ergo, 
 whether archbishops, who are not jure divino, should 
 suspend ministers who are jure dilino, I leave to you, 
 Mr. Speaker !" To which foolish reasoning, the learn- 
 ed Selden wittily replied : " That parliaments are not 
 jure divino, is out of the question ; that religion is jure 
 divino, is beyond dispute. Now, whether parliaments, 
 which unquestionably are hot jure divino, should med- 
 dle with religion, which, without doubt, is jure divino, 
 J leave to you, Mr. Speaker." 
 

 138 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 THE FOOLISH COURTIERS OF KING CANUTE. 
 
 The foolish courtiers of King Canute, who would 
 tade him, if they could, of his invincible power, 
 which, they fawningly said, extended both over land 
 and sea, had their folly completely exposed, when he 
 ordered them to attend him on the shore near South- 
 ampton. Being seated on a throne on the sands, 
 he commanded the rising tide not to dare to ap- 
 proach him ; but the proud waves assailed the royal 
 scat, a* lie wisely knew they would, and the courtiers 
 stood abashed, if not convinced, when he reproved 
 them for their foolish adulation. 
 
 FOOLISH CONFIDENCE IN, AND TREACHERY 
 OF, A JEALOUS BROTHER. 
 
 Aga Mohamed Khan, who established his authority 
 
 ovei his own tribe, the Cajars, in 1779, and soon after 
 
 extended his dominions on the banks of the Caspian, is 
 
 had a heart as hard as his body, which by 
 
 and exereise, although otherwise slender, 
 
 tide of any fatigue; but his con- 
 
F" 3 
 
Four. lo9 
 
 duct towards liis brother, Jafer Culi Khan, will best 
 develope his true character. This chief had declined 
 appearing at court, for some time after his brother's 
 elevation. 
 
 The most pressing entreaties, the most solemn 
 assurances of safety, were lavished, to induce him to 
 repair to Tahiran, and the government of Ispahan 
 was to be the reward of compliance. When he reached 
 Tahiran, he was welcomed with every appearance of 
 cordiality, and the night passed in peace. Next day 
 Mohamed Khan, after giving him some instruc- 
 tions regarding his conduct at Ispahan, observed,--- 
 " You have not, I believe, yet looked at my new 
 palace, walk therewith Baba Khan, (nephew of Aga,) 
 and after you have seen it, return to me." He went 
 to look at it, and at the moment he entered the portico, 
 some assassins, who had been stationed there, fell upon 
 him, and slew him. The body was carried to Aga 
 Mohamed Khan, who mourned over it with the appear- 
 ance of the most frantic grief. He desired Baba Khan, 
 (then quite a youth,) to approach ; when near, he 
 bade him observe the corpse of the bravest of 
 men, and the best of brothers. Then loading the 
 young prince with abuse, he exclaimed, " It is for you 
 I have done this. The gallant spirit, that lately ani- 
 mated that body, would never have permitted my crown 
 
|<><) SIDNEY *NKCPOTI>. 
 
 to have rested upon your bead ; Persia would have been 
 distracted with internal wars. ---To avoid these abate* 
 qneneea, I have aeted with shameful ingratitude ; and 
 nave sinned deeply against God and Man!" "These 
 
 sentiments," adds General Malcolm," might have been 
 sincere ; the public expression of them had the effect 
 ef mitigating the universal horror at this murder." 
 
 TOLLY OF TRUSTING TO APPEARANCES. 
 
 Muhamed Khan, though long in possession of 
 , had not yet hecn invested with the 
 tiara. After the conquest of Georgia* he yielded 
 with well-dissembled reluctance to the entreaties of 
 nil courtiers j but* said he, " Recollect, that if I do, 
 your toils are only commencing ; for I cannot con- 
 sent to wear the Persian crown, without as much power 
 i enjdyeu l»y the greatest sovereigns of that 
 country !"— Malcolm. 
 
FOLLY". ]61 
 
 FOOLISH REASONING. 
 
 Ferguson, the self-taught astronomer, having met 
 with a rigid Calvinist in a stage coach, they having no 
 one else to speak to, began to converse j but his com- 
 panion constantly resorted to his favourite topic, 
 quoting scripture at random, and exclaiming, " Is not 
 that scripture ?"— Ferguson, whose patience got ex- 
 hausted, then told his fellow-traveller, that according to 
 his method of confirmation, he could prove the lawful- 
 ness of Suicide." "How so?" queried the logician. 
 "Why," answered the astronomer, " Judas went and 
 hanged himself; is not that scripture ?---Go and do thou 
 likewise ; is not that scripture ?"— Silence ensued. 
 
 FOOLISH SEVERITY, A CURIOUS 
 RETALIATION OF. 
 
 The monks, in the great convent of Capuchins, at 
 Ascoli, in 1761, having for a trivial aftair severely 
 punished their cook, he had recourse to a singular mode 
 of retaliation, which occasioned much merriment all 
 over Italy. 
 
 p2 
 
Ml SIDNE1 IMTiMI I 
 
 With the sauce for supper, he contrived to mix up a 
 quantity of opium ,• and they were soon all sound 
 ■sleep. While in this unconscious state, he proceed- 
 ed to rid the chins of their reverences of their flowing 
 beards ; and took his flight before they awoke in the 
 morning. The superior, and all the monks, were con- 
 sequently obliged to confine themselves close to their 
 convent, until their chins appeared decently adorned, 
 - to enable them to shew themselves in public. 
 
 A FOOL'S WITTY JEST. 
 
 im Khan reigned over Persia, until the year 
 177*.), when he died, aged nearly eighty years. 
 Under his aaspieiatu 
 
 inhabitants of his favourite and favoured 
 
 Mil their leisure hours in the society 
 
 D- faced da 1 the goblet circulated, and 
 
 in every breast Writing 
 
 was an accomplishment which this justly celebrated 
 
 chiefi ml lie ntained through life the 
 
 "I !,i- native tribe (the Persian tribe of Zund), 
 
 whi'h. for it^ rudeness, is universally denominated by 
 
 the other inhabitants, the barbarous dialect. One 
 
FOLLV. 163 
 
 day, as this prince was sitting in public, he commanded 
 his jester (a necessary appendage to a Persian court) 
 to go and bring him word, what a dog, which was 
 barking very loud, wanted. The court smiled at this 
 sally of the monarch. The jester went, as desired, and 
 after appearing to listen for some time wkh profound 
 attention, he returned, and said, with a grave air, 
 u Vour majesty must send one of the chief officers of 
 your onn family, to report what that gentleman 
 he speaks no language, except the barbarous dialect, 
 with which they are familiar, but of whieh I do not 
 understand one word." The good-humoured monarch 
 laughed heartily at this ridicule of his tribe, and gave 
 the wit a present.— Malcolm's Persia, 
 
 FOOLISH POLICE. 
 
 The same Carim Khan was on the point of rising 
 from the seat of judgment, after a long and fatiguing 
 attendance, when a man rushed forward, in apparent 
 distraction, calling aloud for justice, as he had been 
 robbed. " Who are you," saic 1 Carim Khan. ; ' 1 am a 
 merchant," replied the man. " What were you about" 
 said the prince, u when you were robbed?" " I was 
 
161 MliNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 asleep," answered the man. " And why did you sleep?" 
 exclaimed Carim, in a peevish and impatient tone. 
 ." said the undaunted Persian, "I made a 
 mistake, I thought you were awake." The irrita- 
 tion of the royal juuge vanished in an instant ; turning 
 to ail visier, he hade him pay the amount of the man's 
 , from the treasury, adding, " WE must try to re- 
 eover this mouey from the robbers." — Malcolm. 
 
 FOOLISH CONDUCT REPENTED OF. 
 
 Carin Khan, often related a story of himself, that 
 
 when a poor soldier, in Nadir Shah's camp, necessity 
 
 induced him to steal, from a saddler, a gold embossed 
 
 saddle, which had been sent by an Afghan chief to be 
 
 repaired. He soon afterwards learnt, that the man 
 
 in »m whom he had taken it was in prison, and sen- 
 
 • hung, and he thus added, " my conscience 
 
 HMtf me, and I replaced the saddle exactly on the 
 
 place from whence 1 took it. I watched until it was 
 
 ■ red l>y the eaddler'i wife, who, on seeing it, gave 
 
 iin of joy, fell down upon her knees, and prayed 
 
 aloud, that the person who had brought it back might 
 
 live to have a hundred gold embossed saddles. I am 
 
FOLLY. 16.3 
 
 quite certain ," lie added, smiling, " that the honest 
 prayer of the old woman has aided my fortune in the 
 attainment of that splendour which she desired I 
 should enjoy." — Malcolm. 
 
 FOOLISHNESS OF PROLIX TRANSLATORS, &e. 
 
 Le Sieur Galland, having translated the two first 
 volumes of the Arabian Nights, displeased many readers 
 of taste, by the frequent repetition of the questions and 
 answers of Scheherazade and Dinarzade. In order to 
 ridicule this prolixity, a few young men thought of 
 teasing him in the middle of a cold frosty night. They 
 met opposite his window, and making a great noise, he 
 soon appeared at the window, in his shirt, and began to 
 remonstrate with them. When they had annoyed him 
 some time, one of them addressed the shivering trans- 
 lator: " Dear sister, if you be not asleep, I pray you, 
 till break of day, which is near at hand, go on with 
 that agreeable story which you began." Finding his 
 own words thus unmercifully used against him, he 
 again sought his pillow. The remaining volumes 
 were, consequently, published without these frequent 
 repetitions. 
 
166 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 FOOLISH THREAT OF XERXES. 
 
 Xerzefl made a bridge of boats over the Hellespont, 
 in order to transport his large army from Asia to 
 Europe ; but a tempest having destroyed it, he became 
 enraged, and sent a cartel of defiance to the sea, and 
 commanded his servants to give it three hundred 
 stripes, and to throw fetters into it, in order to bind it 
 to future good behaviour, and also hot irons to brand 
 it with ignominy. His officers were instructed thus to 
 address the powerful element: " O thou unruly water, 
 thy lord hath appointed thee this punishment, for thou 
 hast wronged him who deserved it not of thee; but 
 whether thou wilt or not, he is resolved to pass over 
 thee, nor shall any man hereafter sacrifice unto thee, 
 as being a dwecitful and bitter river." 
 
 FOOLISH POSTHUMOUS HONOURS. 
 
 Polianhus the Athenian, when any of the dogs or 
 
 i that he particularly loved, happened to die, was 
 
 10 foolish as to honour them with a public funeral, and 
 
 buried them with great pomp, accompanied by his 
 
FOLLV. 167 
 
 friends, whom he invited on the solemn occasion. After- 
 wards he caused monumental pillars to be erected, on 
 which were engraven their epitaphs. — JElimn, 
 
 FOLLY OF USELESS ENTERPRISES TO OBTAIN 
 NOTORIETY. 
 
 Sesostris, king of Egypt, like many of his ancestors, 
 sought to give himself eternal fame by wonderful and 
 useless undertakings. The great ditch which had been 
 cut at incredible expence, from Arsinoe to Cairo, 
 (eighty miles) capable of receiving vessels of consider- 
 able burden, he purposed to have made both deeper 
 and wider, so as to have let the Red Sea into the Medi- 
 terranean, but death prevented him. Afterwards, 
 Ptolemeus was about making the same attempt, but 
 some of his skilful advisers persuaded him to abandon 
 the project, lest, as they said, by letting the great In- 
 dian Sea run into the Mediterranean, he should there- 
 by deluge the greater part of Greece, &c. and, instead 
 of purchasing glory by the great work, obtain eternal 
 disgrace. The folly of the undertaking was only sur- 
 passed by the ridiculous fear of those wise advisers. 
 
 Knowles* Turkish History. 
 
ftlDNEI \M ( DOTES. 
 
 CLAUDIUS CAESAR. 
 
 This emperor had a whim to drain the Fucine Lake, 
 winch he thought he eould do at small cost, and in a 
 short space of time, to his immortal honour. In this 
 he felt the mere encouraged, as some private individuals 
 made offers of bearing the expense, provided they had 
 the grant of the drained lands as a recompense. In 
 this labour he employed, without intermission, thirty 
 thousand men, for eleven years, and by levelling and 
 digging in the mountain, he at last, with great diffi- 
 culty, finished his proposed channel, for the space of 
 three miles ! 
 
 NECO, KING OF EGYPT. 
 
 Some of the kings of Egypt having intended to make 
 
 a na\ i from the river Nilus to the Red 
 
 led so far as to cut to the length of four 
 
 ;iml b r o a d enough to allow two galleys to 
 
 pass safely; but all their labour and expence was in 
 
 vain, for the attempt failed. It is stated, that in the 
 
FOLLV. 169 
 
 reign of Neco only, about one hundred and twenty 
 thousand Egyptians perished in the undertaking. 
 
 VANITY OF A ROYAL FEMALE. 
 
 The states of Holland having sent an emba- 
 queen Elizabeth, one of the gentlemen in the suite of 
 the ambassador, at their first audienee, remarked t<> one 
 of the English gentlemen attendants, that they who 
 spoke disrespectfully of the queen's beauty, did her 
 much injustice ; that he considered her majesty a very 
 charming woman, and he should feel happy to have 
 such a female for his wife. Elizabeth, who particularly 
 noticed the splendid retinue of the ambassador, sent 
 for the English gentleman after the audience, and com* 
 manded him, as he valued her favour, to relate what 
 the Dutchman had said to him. But he tried to evade 
 the ajpswer, by saying, that the conversation was of a 
 trifling nature. The queen persisted, and the gentle- 
 man at last told her all that the Dutchman had said. 
 This seemed so pleasing to Elizabeth, that she pre- 
 sented the ambassadors with a golden chain, valued at 
 800 crowns, and to each of their attendants one of 100 
 
17l» KIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 crowns value ; yet more particularly signalizing; the 
 gallant Dutchman who had so complimented her, by 
 giving him a chain of the value of 1000 crowns, which 
 he wove about his neck the remaining part of his life ! 
 
 FOLLY OF A PAINTER AND A POET. 
 
 Sir Godfrey Kneller was exceedingly fond of being 
 flattered ; and unlike many others, freely admitted the 
 truth of it. Mr. Pope, sitting by him at one time, 
 when he was painting a portrait, sir Godfrey said to 
 him, — " I can't do as well as I should do, unless you 
 flatter me a little : pray flatter me a little, Mr. Pope ; 
 you know 1 love to be flattered !" Mr. Pope, in order 
 to gratify his desire, appeared to examine the perform- 
 ance very minutely, and cooly remarked, — "The Scrip- 
 tell us, that God made man in his own image; 
 but if He were to make man now, He would certainly 
 copy from that." If the poet really meant as he paid* 
 a most irreverent comparison ; but the knight 
 irulped down the fulsome adulation, and remarked, that 
 Mr. Pope was correct in his observation ' 
 
171 
 
 TOLLY OF A FANATIC. 
 
 The Marquis of Ormonde, when at Orleans in France, 
 had occasion to have some repairs done to his wig, and 
 called at a peruquiei's for that purpose. The master 
 being lame, both in his feet and hands, gave it to his 
 sister to do the necessary repairs, and the marquis 
 being accommodated with another wig in the mean 
 time, took a stroll through the streets, and accidentally 
 stepping into an adjoining church, he perceived a cha- 
 pel in it, hung round with the presents of several 
 votaries, who had received cures from Our Lady. 
 Amoug these, he observed an inscription, as also an 
 otfcring, made by the man he had just been with. On 
 his return to the peruke maker's, he expressed his won- 
 der that he should have so prematurely made the offer- 
 ing, as he was still uncured and lame. To which the 
 man replied, that he thought he was rather better than 
 he had been, and hoped, that by doing honour to Our 
 Lady beforehand, he might be favoured the so.ner with 
 her other benefits ! — Carte's Life of the great duke of 
 Ormonde. 
 
17*2 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 A FOOLISH WIT. 
 
 John Harrington, in the reign of Elizabeth, was 
 med a man of great wit, and celebrated as an epi- 
 grammatist, yet was he very inconsiderate in conduct, 
 and bo exceedingly careless in the management of his 
 affairs, that his extravagance compelled him to part 
 with several of his estates, and among these, a very 
 state named Nyland, in Somersetshire; relating 
 to which, Dr. Fuller gives a curious anecdote, in his 
 account of Harrington. 
 
 Sir John, one day riding over the said manor, accom- 
 panied by his old and trusty servant John, he turned 
 suddenly round, and with his accustomed pleasantry 
 I, — 
 
 " John, John, this Nyland, 
 Alas ! once was my land." 
 
 T<> this, John, as wittily and truly answered, — 
 
 " If yon had had more wit, sir, 
 It might have been yourfl yrt, sir.' 
 
173 
 
 A CRITIC. 
 
 Some would-be-critics assume a great deal of solem- 
 nity and pomp in conversation. Ambrose Philips, the 
 poet, once discoursing at a coffee-house, upon pictures, 
 expressed his pity for those painters, who, in their 
 views, always depict the same kind of shy ; adding, 
 " They should travel, and then they would see that 
 there is a different sky in every country, in England, 
 France, Holland, Italy, &c." A grave gentleman 
 sitting near, observed, " Your remark is very just, Sir, 
 I have been a traveller, and can testify that what you 
 observe is true, but the greatest variety of skies that 
 ever I found, was in Poland." " In Poland, Sir ?" ex- 
 claimed Ambrose. " Yes, Sir, in Poland, for there is a 
 Sobiens%, a Sarbiens&y, a Sablons&y, a PodebrasAy, 
 and a great many more skys, Sir !" 
 
 FOOLISH NOTION OF SEAFARING MEN. 
 
 These men, who are daily observing the wonders of 
 the mighty deep, and have the opportunity, of tracing 
 Q 2 
 
1*1 BtDNKI amxdoti:*. 
 
 ituial causes of the various phenomena which 
 
 around then ; are still strangely beset with 
 
 rstitious notions ; some object to sailing 
 
 with i dead body on board, even if soldered in lead; -- 
 
 will not set sail on an inauspicious day ;- -others 
 
 believe in the virtue of certain articles worn about the 
 
 a, which have a talismanic effect in preserving 
 
 ffou danger and shipwreck ; the most absurd of 
 
 which, is the silly conceit they have of the power of 
 
 a child' 8 caul ; for which the sum of forty guineas 
 
 has been asked, and given, although of late we have 
 
 seen them advertized by foolish owners, at ten, and even 
 
 need rate of five guineas! In this age of the "March 
 
 vf Intellect," perhaps they are getting wiser, or thearti- 
 
 l. con* more plentiful. Tl,< letis, every 
 
 child is b»»rn with this membrane, or tippet, on its face and 
 
 : and we have lately read the offer of the editor 
 
 of a medical work, who will engage in a wholesale 
 
 with the retailers, and supply them with the 
 
 at half a-crown each, which they may cut up to 
 
 profit; or, he will supply as many as arc 
 
 required, at one shilling each. Our simple belief is, 
 
 that thi trust is to be placed, first, in Him who 
 
 '. and directs the storm;— -Second, in 
 
 ! SOUSMJ bottomed ship, well rigged and 
 
 manned, with a pilot who knows whereabouts he is ;--- 
 
FOLLV. 17o 
 
 Thirdly, in case of accident, a stout life boat; and 
 lastly, should that not be at hand, Daniel's life pre- 
 server; or even a cork jacket, would be of infinitely 
 more service than this ; by which, no one was ever 
 yet supported in the water, nor ever will. 
 
 FOOLISH CONFIDENCE OF AN INDOLENT 
 EMPEROR. 
 
 Theodosius the younger wag in the habit of signing 
 petitions that were handed to him, without reading, or 
 understanding the nature of them ; relying implicitly 
 on the fidelity of those who presented them. In order 
 to cure him of this careless habit, his sister Pulcheria 
 practised an honest fraud upon him, by presenting a 
 petition in her own name, desiring to have his empress 
 Eudoxia delivered to her as her slave; this he received 
 and as usual signed ; and the empress removed for 
 some time with her sister in-law. Theodosius, wonder- 
 ing at her long absence, sent for his wife, but the sister 
 refused to let her go ; sending him in answer, that 
 the empress was hers by right, and produced to the 
 astonished monarch the said petition with his own 
 signature. However, she did restore the wife to the 
 
SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 husband, ami it is presumed that after this lesson, he 
 thought proper to read petitions, &c. before he signed 
 them ! 
 
 FOOLISH CONFIDENCE OF AN EUROPEAN 
 SOVEREIGN. 
 
 Until of late it had been the eustom for any one who 
 wished to obtain the honour of knighthood at the 
 hands of the sovereign of the Isles, merely to present 
 themselves in eourt attire on a levee day, and an- 
 nounce their desire ; and it was presumed none 
 would present themselves who were not respectable, 
 and rich enough to pay the fees on the occasion to 
 the Herald's College, which alone was benefited 
 by the honour. But a few years ago, a pair of 
 quack doctors, surprised both king, courtiers, and 
 college, by getting themselves dubbed right wor- 
 •hipful knights by the sword of royalty; for on being 
 dubbed and handed into another apartment, where 
 certain officers attended to receive the customary fees, 
 the Den made knights refused compliance with the 
 demand, telling the disappointed expectants, that 
 they never intended paying ; and as for the honour, 
 
FOLLY. 177 
 
 they had now obtained it, and the king could not undo 
 what he had done. Since this trick has been played 
 off, strict injunctions have been given from the 
 highest quarter, that no person be presented whose 
 character and profession are not previously known to 
 some one about the court, by whom he is to be pre- 
 sented for this honour ! 
 
 FOOLISH FEARS OF AN ANATOMIST. 
 
 It is related of a celebrated son of Ksculapius, who 
 had made the nice and wonderful^ structure of the 
 human frame his particular study, and having per- 
 ceived the numerous vessels and ligaments, that were 
 liable to be disarranged, or injured by the least acci- 
 dent, when the body was in action ; by dislocation of 
 joint ; rupture of a blood vessel, or incision of any vul- 
 nerable point, became so impressed with the dread of 
 some part of him giving way, that he was actually 
 afraid to move about like other men ! 
 
|7S SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 FOLLY OF BIGOTRY EXPOSED. 
 
 Bishop Thomas related, that when he was chaplain 
 to the British factory at Hamburgh, one of the gentle- 
 men of the factory being taken ill, was ordered into 
 the country, for the benefit of air : accordingly, he 
 removed to a village about ten miles distant, where he 
 shortly after died. On application being made for 
 leave to bury the deceased in the church-yard, the 
 parson refused, because he was a Calvinist ; saying, 
 " There are none but Lutherans in my church-yard, 
 and there shall be no other." This being told the 
 bishop, he expressed his surprise, that any man of 
 learning or understanding could harbour such ideas, 
 so he took horse and went to argue the point with the 
 parm, but he found him quite inflexible. Finding 
 reasoning of no effect, he had recourse to ridicule, by 
 telling him of a circumstance that occurred to him- 
 s» If while he was curate of a church in Thames-street, 
 London. " I was burying a corpse," said the bishop, 
 and a woman came and pulled me by the sleeve, in 
 idft of the srrviee. " Sir, Sir ! I want to speak 
 t'. y<»u !" " Pr'ythec, woman," said 1, " wait till I 
 ." " No, sir, I must speak to you immedi- 
 ately:' " Why then, what is the matter ?" " Why, 
 
FOLLY. 179 
 
 " sir, you are burying a man, who died of the small- 
 pox, next to my poor dear husband, who never had 
 it!" This well-timed relation of an absurd fact so 
 overcame the scruples of the parson, that the body of 
 the Calvinist obtained a quiet resting-place in his 
 church-yard. 
 
 A FOOLISH PRINCE, AND AN INDEPENDENT 
 WITTY POET. 
 
 Daute, the Italian poet, being exiled from his 
 native city, Florence, he found an asylum at Verona, 
 where he had Andella Scalla, the prince of that coun- 
 try, for his patron. Several gamesters, strolling 
 players, and other persons noted for their buffoonery 
 and ribaldry, were constantly about the court, and 
 one of these, more distinguished for his levity than the 
 others, was the more caressed. The prince one day, 
 in the presence of the poet and the buffoon, highly 
 praised the latter, and observed to Dante, " 1 wonder 
 that this foolish fellow should have found out the 
 secret of pleasing us all, and making himself admired, 
 while you, who are a man of great sense, are held 
 in little esteem." To this the poet made answer 
 
180 
 
 SIDNEY ANE< DOTES. 
 
 promptly, " You would cease to wonder at this, if 
 you knew how much the conformity of characters is 
 the sourer of friendship !" True genius, conscious of 
 its own superiority, is ever independent. 
 
 
 W. M;AKS, Printer, II. Hud^e Row, Wal brook. 
 
INDEX TO PART I. 
 
 Page 
 
 Prefatory Observations ou the Follies of Mankind - 1 
 
 Folly of those who propagate Infidelity, by Conversation 9 
 
 the Royalists, and sag-acity of Cromwell - 14 
 
 Turkish Superstition - - - "J 
 
 . a capricious Master of a College 
 
 a drunken Person - - " r! 
 
 Witchcraft and its Believers - - & 
 
 and Superstition of Queen Mary - - & 
 
 and Credulity of our Ancestors - - 45 
 
 going to Law - - - "2 
 
 Ambition-Napoleon's reflections - - j» 
 
 -Alexander - - • * 
 
 — professed Liberals 
 
 — Piltrrims 
 
 — Tyranny, Observations on - 
 
 Bajazet U 
 
 — Domitian - 
 
 Dionysius - - -J 
 
 -Inhumanity - - - - "5 
 
 -the Customs - - " Jj 
 -Cruelt> - g 
 
 -Napoleon - - - " '~ 
 
 -Rashness.— The Athenians - - - TO 
 
 Otho . 
 
 Lewis of Ba\aria - - 80 
 
 a King of England - -81 
 
 Reproved - - To 
 
 -conversing about Things we do not undei stand H'f 
 
 -Expectation - - - " S 
 
 -Mirth and Pleasures - - - 87 
 
 -Discontent. — Observations on - - 88 
 
 Dionvsius - - - 89 
 
 PiusV. - - -89 
 
 Adrian VI. - - - 90 
 
 Caius Marius - - - 90 
 
 91 
 
 -Gaming, Observations on - - - 91 
 
 — Parysatisand Artaxerxes - - 95 
 
 Alphonsus of Aragon - - 95 
 
 Henry MIL - - - 96 
 
 Profanation of the Sabbath - - 96 
 
 Desperation - - - 97 
 
 A Son's Sorrow 
 
 Duke of Epernon - 
 
 Henry II. of France 
 
 Caligula - - - »°° 
 
 Roger Ascham - - -101 
 
 98 
 99 
 100 
 
TNI* 
 
 Folly of Gamins,— Nero - - - 101 
 
 f The Chinese - - -101 
 
 „ Duke of Valentinois - - 102 
 
 Pita Politeness, Lord Stair - • 105 
 
 'viih its Contrast - - 106 
 
 -Intemperance,— The Wedding; - "HI 
 
 - Alexander the Great - 
 
 Porson 
 
 -of the Public 
 
 -Temerity - - " " r A 
 
 -Desire of Power - 
 
 -Pride, &.c, Observations on - " \. " 
 
 -Expensive Dress, Duke of Buckingham - J** 
 
 Sir W. Raleigh - - |» 
 
 Sir John Arundel - - [3* 
 
 Duke of Burgundy - - JJj 
 
 Lolla Paulina - - ]*J 
 
 Paleologus and Nugas - JJJ 
 
 Demetrius - " ioT 
 
 Roman Praetors- - ^ r - JJJ 
 
 the Greeks & Empr. Hen. V- - 135 
 
 the English - ' "J 
 
 Geo. Faulkner - - J«" 
 
 -many in their Charities - - "12 
 
 -too confident Anticipation - - " };• 
 
 -a King in not hearing the Truth - - lo " 
 
 —trotting to Appearances - ' 'O 
 
 II Enterprises, Sesostris - ,rl 
 
 -Claudius Caesar - - U)H 
 
 N-co King of Egypt - J« 
 
 a Painter and a Poet - - " f ™ 
 
 — i Fanatic ... - i^i 
 
 Bigotry exposed . *'** 
 
 h Satisfaction in being thought wise - - •* 
 
 Preference of a Withy to a Rope - " oi 
 
 Philosophy _ . - - : 
 
 Answer by a sleepy Lawyer - - " oo 
 
 Vanity of our Virgin Queen. • ■ 2? 
 
 Ap*> 
 
 31 
 
 " *? 7 
 
 Profusion. — Louis \| V 
 
 ■tf 
 
 of the Mint - - ;*jj 
 
 A French Mini - - ,'[ 
 
 -Turkish 
 
 5!> 
 
 ^ " "to 
 
 — An«\. . . „ " ; 
 
 ion - - - 4 j 
 
 • 4> 
 
 rvationson, - - 50 
 
INDEX. Pag;e 
 
 Foolish Boasting of R iches reproved - 
 
 Porapey the Great 
 
 Boaster, a hint that he lied - - -148 
 
 Propensity . - - - -151 
 
 Antiquary 
 
 Vanity Reproved - MM 
 
 . . of Napoleon 
 
 French Mai t 
 
 Speech of Sir II. (brimstone - - - 1&7 
 
 Courtiers of Canute rejM 
 
 Reasoning: - 
 
 - ! retaliation - - .161 
 
 Polio 
 
 Conduct repented of 
 
 Threat of \ 
 
 Porthumons boo 
 
 * !1 - - 
 
 Confidence of II. 
 
 an 1 
 
 in a 
 
 Fears of an I 
 
 1 i 
 
 irs 
 All Fools Day .... 
 A Barrister puzzle;! by ■ Bun. 
 A drunken Man made a 1 
 A Foolish Critic - - - 
 
 Wit - 
 
 A Fool's Y\ 
 
 A little Man in a l>iir A\ ig 
 
 in made to look like a Poo] by a Madman 
 An usurious Banker outwitted - .47 
 
 Dionysius' jetting with Aristipi 
 
 c Folly reproved 
 Holidav d, hut not K< 
 
 Making a Fool of another, and I - 
 
 Oriental Arrogance and its Antidote 
 Quarrels, Hunting 
 
 Reli - - - 74 
 
 Civil - 
 
 a holy Elephant 
 
 Female 1' 
 
 St. Patrick, Superstition of the Irish concerning 
 
 .11 Superstition 
 St. Peter a Fool by comparison 
 Sudden and slow Death, different effects of 
 Vanity of Queen Elizabeth 
 Yorkshire Superstition - 
 
Page 
 
 Foolish Fears of Deatli, Mascsenas - 
 Theophrastus 
 
 Arteiuon - . -51 
 
 Themistocles . - 53 
 
 C. Caligula - . - 53 
 
 Carbo 
 
 Titus Vespasian - - 55 
 
 King of Hungary - - 57 
 
 Assassins - . - -61 
 Opposition . - - .OS 
 Friends - - - - - 62 
 Priest, or, Physician - 05 
 ■ Peer - - - - - Go- 
 Philosopher _ 70 
 Cttftom reproved. — Healhcote - - 77 
 
 Steele . - .78 
 
 Pousin - - - 78 
 
 Preacher - _ _ . - 84 
 • Wish for Distinction.— Caligula 
 
 Severity and Retaliation - 103 
 
 IWenge prudentlv avenged - - 104 
 
 W -,— Caligula - - - - 107 
 
 Duke of Buckingham - - 108 
 
 Albertus Magnus - - - 108 
 
 The Lord Cordes- - - - KM* 
 
 St. Augustine - - 109 
 
 James I. of England - - - no 
 
 Philoxenusthe Epicure - -110 
 
 Quin - : -111 
 
 the Spartans and Cretans - - 111 
 
 Ettdoxm - - - - U2 
 
 Alexander the Great - - -112 
 
 Scottish Highlander - - -113 
 
 Darius - - - - 113 
 
 Mixtnk" - - - . - 117 
 
 Confidence, Louli Xl.of France - -118 
 
 Conduct Of the Learned - - - 110 
 
 Question - . 121 
 
 Litigants - . „ . . 122 
 
 Q .... 122 
 
 Identification - . . -123 
 
 Parents . . _ - 125 
 
 Superstitious Fears - 126 
 
 Travellers taken in - - - - 128 
 
 Boaster of Knowledge, &c. - - - 141 
 
 ' Counsellor, ...Gal igula - - 142 
 
 Narrator exposed - .143 
 
 Plight attempted . . - 144 
 
 Challenge answered - . - 147 
 
-> Hfe 
 
 SqOAte . 
 
THE 
 
 SIDNEY ANECDOTES: 
 
 SELECTED FROM HISTORY, 
 
 A N C 1 L N 1 AMJMODERX, 
 
 AND OTHER AUTHENTIC SOURCES. 
 
 CHARLES AND AMBROSE SIDNEY, 
 
 OF GLASTONBURY. 
 
 Illustrated with a frontispiece portrait, engraved on steel, and 
 numerous wood-cuts, by M. U. Sears. 
 
 PART II.— IMPIETY AND INFIDELITY. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 \V. J. SEARS, WARWICK SQUARE, PATERNOSTER ROW. 
 1830. 
 
tn I Co., h j Lane. 
 
&UJtUj) &iuc&otts* 
 
 INFIDEL WRITERS ; THEIR EVIDENCE IN 
 FAVOUR OF CHRISTIANITY. 
 
 Many instances might be selected from the writings 
 of infidels against the Christian religion that tend to 
 prove its truth. Voltaire and Bousseau, as is well known, 
 have, at times, gone far towards contradicting all they 
 have written against it. Bolingbroke, in his writings, 
 has the following sentence : — M Supposing Christianity 
 to have been a human invention, it has been the most 
 amiable invention that ever was imposed on mankind 
 for their good. Christianity, as it came out of the hand 
 of God (if I may use the expression) was a most simple 
 and intelligible rule of belief, rule, and manners, which 
 is the true notion of religion. The Gospel, in all cases, 
 is one continued lesson of the strictest morality, of 
 justice, of benevolence, and of universal charity." Even 
 Paine, who, among the writers on this subject, admits, 
 as little as any, whatever might prove any way favour- 
 able to it, so far professed his respect for the character 
 of Jesus Christ as to say, " He was a virtuous and an 
 
 VOL. I. B 
 
IN1XDOTES. 
 
 amiable man. The morality that he preached and prac- 
 the most benevolent kind." 
 Do not these prove that while they were trying to 
 persuade others of the hypocrisy of priests, they were 
 themselves either hypocrites, or that they occasionally felt 
 and expressed convictions contrary to the tenor of their 
 writings? Vicious men often bear testimony in favour 
 of virtue, especially on the near approach of death ; but 
 virtuous men never return the compliment by giving 
 their testimony in favour of vice. 
 
 VALUE OF THE BIBLE. 
 
 The most learned, acute, and diligent student cannot, 
 in the longest life, obtain an entire knowledge of this 
 one volume. The more deeply he works the mine, the 
 lie her and more abundant he finds the ore ; new light 
 continually beams from this source of heavenly know- 
 _c, to direct the conduct, and illustrate the work of 
 God and the ways of men; and he will at last leave 
 the world confessing, that the more he studied the 
 Scriptures, the fuller conviction he had of his own 
 ifnorunc*, and of their inestimable value. — SCOTT. 
 
 ihe S( RIFTURZI teach us the best uay of living, the 
 noblest nun of suffering, and the must comfortable way of 
 — Flavel. 
 
SUBLIMITY OF THE SCRIPTURES. 
 
 There is not a book on earth so favourable to all the 
 kind, and all the sublime affections, or so unfriendly to 
 hatred and persecution — to tyranny, injustice, and every 
 sort of malevolence, as the Gospel. It breathes nothing 
 
 throughout but mercy, benevolence, and peace 
 
 Such of the doctrines of the gospel as are level to human 
 capacity, appear to be agreeable to the purest truth and 
 soundest morality. All the genius and learning of 
 the heathen world, all the penetration of Pythagoras, 
 Socrates, and Aristotle, had never been able to produce 
 such a system of moral duty, and so rational an account 
 of Providence and of man, as is to be found in the 
 New Testament. — Beattie. 
 
 CHRISTIANITY. 
 
 " Its truth has acquired fresh lustre in the con- 
 troversy, and burst through all those ingenious sophis- 
 tries, which, like so many cob-webs, a sceptical philo- 
 sophy had endeavoured to spin around it. 
 
 " Instead of being detrimental to religion, its adver- 
 saries have done it an important though unintentional 
 service ; — they have shown that it can never be sub- 
 verted by the force of reason or argument ; that it is 
 
SIDNEY AM < ixn l >. 
 
 in riv> danger from the most ri^'ul scrutiny; but, like 
 old, will lie for centuries in the furnace without 
 i single grain; whereas, were all the tinsel and 
 embroidery of Deism and Infidelity put into the same 
 crucible and burnt down, there would not be found, at 
 the bottom of the melting-pot, an ounce of metal that 
 was not dug from the mine of Revelation." 
 
 CHRISTIANITY AND MAHOMETANISM 
 COMPARED. 
 
 Go to your natural religion : lay before her Mahomet 
 
 and his disciples arrayed in armour and in blood, riding 
 
 in triumph over the spoils of thousands and tens of 
 
 thousands who fell by his victorious sword ; show her 
 
 the cities which he set in flames, the countries which 
 
 he ravaged and destroyed, and the miserable distress 
 
 of all the inhabitants of the earth ;— when she has 
 
 pred him in this scene, carry her into his retirements ; 
 
 show her the prophet's chamber, his concubines and 
 
 • t her see his adultery, and hear him allege 
 
 ittion and his divine commission to justify his lust 
 
 and his oppression. When she is tired with this pros- 
 
 \ then show her the blessed Jesus, humble and meek, 
 
 doing good to all the sons of men, patiently instructing 
 
the most retired privacies ; let her follow him to the 
 mount, and hear his devotions and supplications to 
 God : carry her to his table, to view his poor fare, and 
 hear his heavenly discourse ; let her see him injured 
 but not provoked; let her attend him to the tribunal, 
 and consider the patience with which he endured the 
 scoffs and reproaches of his enemies. Lead her to the 
 cross, and let her view him in the agony of death, and 
 hear his last prayer for his persecutors, " Father, for- 
 give them, for they know not what they do!" 
 
 When Natural Religion has viewed both, ask, Which 
 is the Prophet of God ? — Sherlock. 
 
 LORD ROCHESTER. 
 
 Men in general are profligates before they turn scep- 
 tical. They become apostates and abandon the paths of 
 virtue only when they find them to be no longer ways 
 of pleasantness and peace. Incredulity springs more 
 from the corruption of the heart, and a rooted disin- 
 clination of the will, than from any want of conviction, 
 any weakness of comprehension, or error of the under- 
 standing. Few become infidels who sit down to inves- 
 tigate the sacred records of Scripture with earnest 
 desires and honest intentions. The candid inquirer is 
 uniformly rewarded with conviction. If any doubt or 
 
M SIDNEY (LltECDOTES. 
 
 deny, it is not that they have found Christianity to be 
 false, hut because they have reasons, or inclinations, 
 for flashing it to be so ; and were it possible to remove 
 the apprehensions of future punishment — to level the 
 distinctions between virtue and vice, and reconcile 
 conscience to criminal indulgences, we should soon 
 find neither atheists, infidels, nor sceptics in the world. 
 It was by steps such as these that Lord Rochester 
 advanced in his career: from profligacy to impiety, 
 from a reckless debauchee to a confirmed disbeliever. 
 Like most other apostates his guilt had this aggravating 
 circumstance — that he not only gloried in wickedness 
 himself, and gratified every appetite to the utmost extent, 
 but he laboured most industriously to instil the moral 
 poison into the minds of others ; to undo their virtues 
 and strengthen their evil principles, as if he wished to 
 root out from the nature of man every resemblance to 
 his Maker. Those checks and fears which occasionally 
 visited him, especially in times of sickness, he endea- 
 voured by every means to extirpate — to dispossess him- 
 self, not only of the belief, but, if possible, of the very 
 thoughts and apprehensions of religion. To this diabo- 
 lic ul purpose he bent all the efforts of his wit, all the 
 energies of his genius ; and it was even the object to 
 which he often directed his literary amusements, when 
 he found leisure, amidst the paroxysms of intemperance, 
 
to prosecute his solitary studies. He took as much 
 pains, says the writer of his funeral sermon, to draw 
 others in, and pervert the right ways of virtue, as the 
 apostles and primitive saints did to save their own 
 souls and them that heard them. He was diligent to 
 recommend and propagate his sentiments ; framing 
 arguments for sin ; making proselytes to it ; and writing 
 panegyrics on vice. He frequently, in debate, took 
 the side of atheism ; and argued with great vigour 
 against virtue and piety ; " being resolved," as he said, 
 " to } un tltem down aith all the arguments and spite in the 
 no rid." 
 
 One very remarkable instance of this extreme blas- 
 phemy happened at an atheistical meeting in the house 
 of a person of quality, where he undertook to manage 
 the cause of infidelity, and was the principal disputant 
 against God and religion. 
 
 He maintained the contest with such ingenuity and 
 success, that his performance received the applause of 
 the whole company. But this awful exhibition of irre- 
 verence and impiety he could not contemplate without 
 some feeling of remorse. 
 
 The strange inconsistency of his conduct struck his 
 mind so forcibly, that he immediately expressed to 
 himself, " Good God! that a man who walks upright, 
 and sees the wonderful works of God, and has the use 
 
10 mdm;y anecdotes. 
 
 of his senses and his reason, should use them to the 
 defying of his Creator !" 
 
 We now refer to a more pleasing part of his life, 
 when we see his bright mind emerging from under the 
 cloud which had so long overshadowed it. In the 
 winter of 1679 he was seized with a violent sickness ; a 
 dispensation frequently employed with effect to arrest 
 and reclaim the wanderer, and melt the stubborn temper 
 of the impenitent heart. This occasion led him to an 
 acquaintance with Dr. Burnet, whose History of the 
 Reformation, then newly published, his lordship had 
 perused and found much entertainment in it. " Dr. 
 Burnet was not long in his company, when he told 
 me," says the doctor, " that he should treat me with 
 more freedom than he ever used to men of my pro- 
 fession. He would conceal none of his principles from 
 me, but lay his thoughts open without any disguise. 
 Xor would he do it to maintain debate or show his 
 wit, but plainly tell me what stuck with him ; and he 
 protested to me, that he was not so engaged to his old 
 maxims as to resolve not to change, but that if he could 
 be convinced, he would choose rather to be of another 
 mind." 
 
 For the particulars of their conversations we may 
 
 lie candid inquirer to the excellent life, &c, of 
 
 the reclaimed nobleman, by Dr. Burnet ; a book, to use 
 
11 
 
 Dr. Johnson's beautiful and expressive eulogium, M the 
 t ritic ought to read for its elegattce, the piiilosophi ■ 
 for its arguments, and the saint for its piety." 
 
 The result of these conversations was such as might 
 have been anticipated, and made a most salutary im- 
 pression on the noble penitent. Driven by degrees 
 and with reluctance from every strong hold, he saw 
 those sophistries, within which he had entrenched and 
 fortified himself, to be but a refuge of lies. His most 
 rooted prejudices yielded and gave way before the irre- 
 sistible energy of truth. Conviction won upon him at 
 every stage of the discussion, and readied his conscience 
 in spite of all his reasonings, and contrary to his 
 strongest inclinations. 
 
 When the scales of error were removed, moral objects 
 assumed a new character, and appeared even to chanqc 
 their nature. He was convinced, he said, that vice and 
 irreligion were as contrary and injurious to human 
 society as wild beasts, let loose, would be ; and that 
 therefore he was firmly resolved to alter the whole 
 course of his life, to become strictly just and true, to 
 be chaste and temperate, to forbear swearing and pro- 
 fane discourse; to worship and pray to his Maker : and 
 that though he was not arrived at a full persuasion 
 of Christianity, he would never employ his wit more 
 to run it down, or to corrupt others. 
 
)"2 SIDNEY amcI)o]|>. 
 
 In theM good resolutions he was encouraged by his 
 lent and Learned friend, who assured him, that a 
 virtuous life would no longer appear a struggle and 
 a constraint; and that if his mind was once cleared 
 of its erroneous principles, and freed from the dominion 
 of those habits that obscured and distempered it, he 
 would soon see through all the sophistries of wit and 
 atheism, which had only the false glittering of argu- 
 ment, and could mislead none but men of weak under- 
 standing, who have not capacity nor discernment to 
 penetrate deeper than the mere surface of things. 
 
 The conversations and reasonings of the worthy 
 doctor and other friends, confirmed the noble penitent 
 in his holy resolves ; and he felt encouraged to hope, 
 that though his life had been too much devoted to the 
 
 of sin — though he had too long resisted all the 
 means ot conviction, and abused the patience and long- 
 tuffering of God — yet he now looked back upon his 
 former ways with abhorrence and detestation, He was 
 certain, he said, that his mind was entirely changed ; 
 and although terror had at first awakened him to a 
 of his danger, yet his repentance was now settled 
 on the sure basis of faith and conviction. 
 
 concurrence of many plain and unimpeachable 
 
 BUtt satisfy the scruples and prejudices 
 
 of the ,.nc;il, that Lord Rochester wai sincere 
 
13 
 
 in his repentance, and gave all possible symptoms of 
 a lasting perseverance in it, had it pleased God to restore 
 him to health. No one can for a moment entertain a 
 serious belief that such a change could proceed from 
 weakness of body or perturbation of mind, or from any 
 superstitious terrors arising from a misinformed con- 
 science, or a dread of future punishment. Love to God, 
 and faith in Jesus Christ, are the only foundation on 
 which such resolutions and persuasions could be built : 
 so firm, and at the same time so humble a trust in the 
 Divine favour, can be ascribed to nothing else than the 
 effectual operation of religion. 
 
 He sustained his infirmities without repining, and 
 with perfect resignation to the will of Heaven, until the 
 26th of July, 1630, when he expired, aged only thirty- 
 three, without struggle or groan, being so worn away 
 by his long illness. 
 
 His pious and learned biographer farther adds, that 
 " Nature had fitted him for great things, and his know- 
 ledge and observation qualified him to have been one 
 of the most extraordinary men, not only of his nation, 
 but of the age he lived in; and I do verily believe, that 
 if God had thought fit to have continued him longer in 
 the world, he had been the wonder and delight of all 
 that knew him. But the infinitely wise God knew 
 better what was fit for him, and what the age deserved ; 
 c 
 
U IIDNEV 4XICDOTE8. 
 
 for men who have so cast off all sense of God and 
 religion, deserve not so signal a blessing as the example 
 and conviction which the rest of his life might have 
 given them. Here is a public instance of one who had 
 lived of their side, but could not die in it. lie was 
 willing for nothing to be concealed that might cast 
 reproach on himself and sin, and offer up glory to God 
 and religion ; so that though he lived a heinous sinner, 
 be died a most exemplary penitent!" 
 
 MR. GRAY'S OPINION OF VOLTAIRE, AND 
 HIS PRINCIPLES. 
 
 Gray irae strongly attached to virtue — the exer- 
 cite of right reason, as he often called it, using the 
 oi Plato. If he heard any one named as a 
 man of ability, genius, or science, he usually asked, 
 " Ii be L r ood for any thing 1" No excellence could 
 ever mitigate his aversion to the vicious, the profligate, 
 and the unpi -'meiplcd. Voltaire was the object of his 
 It dislike. He pronounced, with almost pro- 
 phetic precision, that no one could even imagine the 
 extent of u tfie public mischief" which Voltaire would 
 on. Il<- particularly begged a friend of his, who 
 to the continent, not to visit Voltaire, and 
 I the reply, " W hat can a visit from a person 
 
IMPIETY. 15 
 
 like me to him signify 1 " With emphatic earnestness, 
 he rejoined, " Sir, every tribute to suck a man sig- 
 nifies. " 
 
 Such was the opinion of this discerning man ; and 
 his salutary dread of the power or influence of the 
 French philosopher, under any appearance, either of 
 declared hostility, simulated friendship, or of pacific 
 carriage. 
 
 Let every reflecting mind duly consider the spirit, the 
 virtue, and the philanthropy which dictated Mr. Gray's 
 reply, so as to apply it with discretion on every proper 
 occasion ; for it is highly important in its consequences 
 to the welfare of society, and to the support of every 
 good government. 
 
 VOLTAIRE, LEIGH HUNTS REMARKS OX. 
 
 " It is a pity, that with all these powers of ridicule, 
 so formidable to human folly, the author (Voltaire) 
 should have subjected himself to a licentious fancy, and 
 have delighted in loose descriptions, unnecessary to a 
 true wit, and unworthy a philosopher. If there be any 
 fault in his writings more contemptible than this, it is 
 the coolness with which he defends the same licentious- 
 ness in La Fontaine. It is the last excuse for a writer's 
 voluptuous ideas to tell us, that they are a resource 
 
16 -IV ANFCDOTI5. 
 
 offered us by nature herself in our moments of inqui- 
 etude. This might be a tiger's argument for its love of 
 slaughter, or a hog's for its love of filth ; but men, 
 infinitely less wise than Voltaire, could have told him, 
 that in moments like those, nature is most worthy to be 
 conquered, because it is most difficult. I must confess, 
 that of the two crimes in writing, wanton description 
 h is something more of the shadow of an excuse from 
 nature than that vilest of all vile ribaldry which degrades 
 the genius of Swift, and renders the coarseness of 
 
 a is so inconceivably disgusting ; which is scarcely 
 ever indulged but by the weakest minds, and which it 
 seems the very instinct of a delicate mind to avoid and 
 detest. But Voltaire should have shunned every appear- 
 ance of immorality in his writings, when he professed to 
 draw his religion from the purest morality. Poor human 
 nature! An individual who could not alter his easiest 
 errors, pretended to alter the religion of nations ! Whence 
 arises that stupid, that inexplicable vanity, which in all 
 places, and at all times of life, has influenced men to 
 value themselves for a certain knowledge, and to feel a 
 
 importance in displaying it ? Voltaire was a bad 
 man from his entrance into life to his exit ; he was still 
 more, he was almost naturally a bad man ; he spoiled 
 others, rather than being corrupted by them." 
 
IMPIETY. 17 
 
 VOLTAIRE'S INCONSISTENCY. 
 
 According to Condorcet (a disciple of Voltaire), he 
 entertained the lofty opinion that he could, unassisted, 
 overturn the Christian faith. " I am wearied," said 
 he, " of hearing it repeated, that twelve men were suffi- 
 cient to establish the Christian religion ; and I wish to 
 prove there needs but one to destroy it." Being threat- 
 ened with a prosecution on account of his tenets, he, in 
 order to avoid it, received the sacrament, and publicly 
 declared his respect for the church, and his contempt of 
 those who had so far vilified his character as to doubt of 
 his being a Christian. In his last illness in Paris, 
 feeling desirous of obtaining a Christian burial, he sent 
 for a priest, to whom he declared, that he " died in the 
 Catholic faith, in which he was born." Another priest, 
 curate of the parish, put other questions ; among others 
 lie asked, " Do you believe in the divinity of Jesus 
 Christ V To which Voltaire replied, "In the name 
 of God, sir, speak to me no more of that man, but let 
 me die in peace ! " 
 
 VOLTAIRE AT FAULT. 
 
 Deistical philosophers sometimes contradict them- 
 selves when their common sense is awake and their 
 philosophy asleep ; a favourable circumstance towards 
 
18 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 social order and good morals. An instance is recorded 
 of a curious speculation respecting England by the 
 above French philosopher, who hearing it asserted that 
 the national debt of Great Britain amounted to one 
 hundred and forty-eight millions sterling, declared that 
 he doubted of the fact. Being, however, convinced of 
 its truth at last, he quickly converted it into French 
 livres, and exclaimed, that so many minutes had not 
 transpired since the creation ; for the moment losing 
 sight of his own calculation, founded on the fables of 
 the Chinese philosophers, by which he argued for the 
 extreme antiquity of this our world. On making cor- 
 rect calculation agreeable to the Mosaic history, as 
 proved by the immortal Newton, the number of livres 
 was found to be 341,315 more than the number of 
 minutes! 
 
 HUME'S PHILOSOPHY. 
 
 It hath been observed of this celebrated English his- 
 torian, that although he joined with the female illumi- 
 • hen at Paris, yet in England, either his philoso- 
 phic pride, or his conviction that infidelity was not 
 suited to the fair sex, rendered him singularly averse to 
 the initiation of females into the mysteries of his doc- 
 
19 
 
 Mr. Hardy tells us, that he never saw him so dis- 
 pleased and disconcerted as by the petulance of the 
 conceited wife of Mr. Mallett, the editor of Boling- 
 broke. This lady, not previously acquainted with Mr. 
 Hume, met him one night at an assembly, and thus 
 boldly addressed him : u Mr. Hume, give me leave to 
 introduce myself to you ; we deists ought to know one 
 another." To which the philosopher replied, u Madam, 
 I am no deist ; I do not style myself so ; neither do I 
 desire to be known by that appellation." 
 
 HUME'S SCEPTICISM. 
 
 Mr. Hardy, in his Life of Charlemont, makes the 
 acknowledgment, that an unfortunate disposition to 
 doubt of ever^' thing seemed interwoven with the very 
 nature of Hume, and he believes there never was a 
 more thorough and sincere sceptic. He even admits 
 that the philosopher seemed not to be sure of his own 
 existence, and consequently could not be expected to 
 entertain any fixed opinion regarding his future state! 
 
 Under this impression he put the question to Hume : 
 " What do you think of the immortality of the soul?" 
 To which the philosopher made answer, in the broad 
 Scottish dialect, " Why, troth, man, it is so pretty and 
 comfortable a theory, that I wish I could be convinced 
 
20 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 of its truth; but I canna help doubting!" Thus wc 
 peret 'ivo tha* deistical writers are not always the con- 
 verts of their own philosophy. 
 
 Hume entertained this opinion of Rousseau, that he 
 believed (like many other unbelievers) much more than 
 he was willing to acknowledge j for, on his arrival from 
 France, accompanied by Rousseau, a friend who met 
 him in the park shortly after, happening to congratulate 
 him on the felicity he. must have in his new associate, 
 arising from the similarity of their sentiments, Hume 
 replied, " Why no, man, in that you are mistaken j 
 Rousseau is not what you think him ; he has a hanker* 
 after the Bible, and, indeed, is little better than a 
 Christian — in a way of his own*" 
 
 MARMONTEL'S INCONSISTENCY. 
 
 The Relisarius of Marmontel was written for a very 
 purpose, that of obtaining an entrance into the 
 French Academy, by pretending a disbelief of Chris- 
 tianity. The French academicians were accordingly 
 very clamorous and very loud in its praise ; but a lively 
 French writer has spoken of it with more justice : — • 
 " I have read three pages of Marmontkl's Belisarius, 
 and 1 have done with it. It is neither history nor ro* 
 rn&nce. It is neither grave nor gay. He thinks of 
 
21 
 
 nothing but the French Academy, and abuses religion 
 as if he had really never thought of it, assuredly as if he 
 had Tiever read about it. He is worse than Voltaire, 
 because more ignorant. Voltaire deemed it necessary 
 to read, in order to abuse: Marmontel abuses at random. 
 But this answers his purpose, and that is enough. It 
 will gain him the Academy." w One can scarcely 
 read his works, and remember his life, without feeling a 
 regret, that a man, who appeared to possess so many 
 excellent qualities, was taken from his proper sphere, 
 and corrupted by the society of Parisian wits." Mar- 
 montel, in his desire of recommending himself to the 
 French Academy, and even in some degree to the 
 public, who had formed their taste after the writings of 
 Voltaire, occasionally endeavoured to imitate him in his 
 style, but has never attempted it without a miserable 
 failure. His Belisarius will never be read without dis- 
 gust, or at least weariness. It is the same with his 
 history of The Incus of Peru ; he is totally out of his 
 element ; it has neither the boldness of romance, nor the 
 accuracy of history. Had he lived in other times, and 
 in any other nation, his many natural qualities would 
 have rendered him as good a man as he was a writer ; 
 but he wanted the force of mind to stand against the 
 constant seduction of bad example, and therefore we 
 are sorry to say he died more innocently than he had 
 lived."— (L. Hunt.) 
 
MUSKY A NIC DOTES. 
 
 ATHEISM A REFUGE FOIl THE VICIOUS 
 MAN. 
 
 A man lived in the town of Bedford, of quick wit, 
 bold spirit, and fluent tongue, but of a loose and de- 
 bauched behaviour, who, in my hearing, (says the 
 author of this relation), affirmed that he did not believe 
 there was either God or devil, heaven or hell. Not 
 long after, he was apprehended, and, for a notorious 
 crime, condemned to be hanged. The day before his 
 execution, (says my author), I went to him on purpose 
 to know if the thoughts of approaching death had made 
 any alteration in his former atheistical principles ; and 
 being admitted to him, I found he was now quite of 
 another mind ; for, with many tears, he bewailed his 
 former delusions, and told me, that a prison and the 
 Meritus thoughts of death had opened the eyes of his 
 understanding, and that when he formerly told me 
 there was no God, yet he did not then heartily believe 
 what he said ; but that he being of a lewd and wicked 
 life, thought it necessary to blind his conscience, and out- 
 brave the world with a pretence that it was his princi- 
 ple, and that he was assured of what he said, of which 
 lie now heartily repented. — A i iii.ni an Oaaclk. 
 
 TO PROFESSED ATHEISTS. 
 " \\ here shall I find the man who has inspired him- 
 <-tlt with more than the heroism of devils, ('for they 
 
23 
 
 believe and tremble'), and has assumed the hardy cou- 
 rage to take his stand on some point of our tiny pro- 
 vince of creation, and fearlessly and undoubtingly to 
 affirm, * There is no God.' Shall I meet him in the 
 dark haunts of shameless vice and unlettered brutality 1 
 Perhaps I might, for guilt would rejoice in arriving at a 
 certainty so remedial to the remorse of an ever-gnawing 
 conscience. But I should with greater readiness dis- 
 cover the object of my search in the book-walled study of 
 the man, who, under the name of a philosopher, conceals 
 the bitterest enmity against true wisdom. Proud of the 
 sceptre he sways over an intellectual empire, into every 
 corner of which he imagines his eye can penetrate, he 
 boasts an heroical contempt for the vulgar errors, which 
 for ages have misled the majority of mankind. But, 
 indeed, it is heroism no longer, if he knows that there 
 is no God. The wonder then turns on the great pro- 
 cess by which a man could grow to the immense intelli- 
 gence that can know that there is no God. What ages 
 and what lights are requisite for this attainment ! This 
 intelligence involves the very attributes of Divinity, 
 while a God is denied ! For, unless this man is omni- 
 present ; unless he is at this moment in every place in the 
 universe, he cannot know but there may be in same place 
 manifestations of a Deity, by which even he would be 
 overpowered. If he does not know absolutely every 
 
SHAKY ANLCIX'. 
 
 agent in the universe, the one that he docs not know, 
 may be God. If he is not himself the chief agent in the 
 universe, and does not know what it so, that which M so, 
 may be God. If he is not in absolute possession of all 
 the propositions that constitute universal truth, the one 
 which he icunts, may be, that there is a God. If he 
 cannot with certainty assign the cause of all that he per- 
 ceives to exist, that cause may be a God. If he does 
 not know every thing that has been done in the immea- 
 surable ages that are past, some things may have been 
 done by a God. Thus, unless he knows all things, 
 that is, precludes another Deity — by being one him- 
 self, he cannot know that the Being, whose existence he 
 rejects, does not exist." — Fosun's Essays. 
 
 DANGER OF EAIILY IMPIETY. 
 
 An early-formed habit of trifling profanely with the 
 high and awful things of God and the soul, may never 
 be got rid of , therefore every thought, and word, and 
 id *hould be avoided by youth, which would tend to 
 e\< ite disregard to the revealed will of God. A Mr. 
 It., who had become sceptical, would thus address his 
 friend : " 1 would give worlds, if 1 had them, to believe 
 as you do, but I cannot." I apprehend that his infide- 
 lity may be traced to an earlier origin than his philoso- 
 
IMPIETY. 25 
 
 phical studies ; his youthful, days were criminally neg 
 lected by his parents, so that his mind was left to 
 luxuriate in all the wildness of nature. I remember an 
 anecdote, at the horribleness of which I shudder as I 
 give the relation, but which may perhaps throw some 
 light upon the gloomy history of his apostacy from the 
 principles of that religion, in the name of whose Divine 
 Author he had been baptised. 
 
 Two of the family, of whom he probably was one, 
 when boys, having procured a bone, and tied it to a long 
 string, contrived to throw it into the midst of a small 
 religious assembly in their native village, and cried out 
 as they ran away, M Behold the Lamb of God." Can we 
 wonder if a heart so callous, in life's tenderett period, 
 was never after softened ; or, that a mind so early 
 familiarised to such horrid impiety, never after admitted 
 the Scripture testimony concerning that Saviour whom, 
 in the very morning of his existence, he blasphemously 
 rejected V 
 
 *' Betrayed and forsaken by the worst enemies of 
 human peace, friendless and hopeless, the disciples of 
 infidelity are left in the most critical moment of their 
 existence, either to the infernal horrors of despair, with 
 the arch-apostate Voltaire, to the insane and pitiable 
 flippancy of Hume, or to the duller taciturnity of him, 
 who no longer sustained by the buoyant influence of 
 
SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 freethinking sinks Into the gulph of eternity, too misera- 
 ble to tank, and too proud to weep! 1 ' 
 
 BLASPHEMY PUNISHED. 
 
 In the year 1527, a young Florentine, who was con- 
 sidered brave and valiant in arms, was to fight with 
 another young man, who, because he was melancholy 
 and spoke little, was called Forchebene. They went 
 together with a great company to the place appointed, 
 which was without the port of St. Gal, whither, being 
 come, a friend to the former went to him and said, 
 " God give you the victory." The pioud youth, adding 
 blasphemy to his temerity, answered, " I low shall lie 
 choose but give it me?" They came to use their 
 \w apons, and, after many blows given and taken, both 
 by the one and the other, Forchebene, as if the minister 
 and instrument of God, gave him a thrust in the mouth 
 with such force, that having fastened his tongue to the 
 poll of his neck (where the sword went through above 
 the length of a span), he made him fall down dead, the 
 d remaining in his mouth, to the end that the 
 tongue, which had so grievously offended ; might, even 
 in this world, endure punishment for such a sin. — 
 I l Considerations. 
 
27 
 
 INTOXICATION NO LEGAL EXCUSE FOR 
 BLASPHEMY. 
 
 The laws of both England and Scotland agree in 
 considering drunkenness as no palliation of crime, as it 
 might be easily counterfeited, and thus made a cloak for 
 the commission of the most atrocious offences. 
 
 In Maclaurin's decisions (p. 732), a case is thus 
 reported: — On the 22d of November, 1697, Patrick 
 Kinninmouth, of that ilk, was brought to trial for 
 blasphemy and adulter u. The last charge was passed 
 from. The indictment alledged, he had affirmed — 
 Christ was a bastard, and that he had said, If any 
 woman had God on one side and Christ on the other, 
 he would stow (cut) the lugs (ears) out of her head in 
 spite of them. 
 
 He pleaded, chiefly, that he was drunk or mad, when 
 he uttered these expressions, if he did utter them. The 
 court found the libel relevant to infer the pains libelled, 
 i. e. death ; and found the defence that the pannel was 
 furious or distracted in his wits relevant ; but repelled 
 the allegeance of fury or distraction arising from 
 drunkenness. 
 
28 SI DM V \NiCJ>OTJ>. 
 
 A WISH FOOL'S LECTURE. 
 
 Bishop Hall relates, that a nobleman of his day kept 
 1 fool, to whom he gave a staff (a common appendagi 
 with a charge to keep it carefully until he could meet 
 with one who was a greater fool than himself. Some 
 years after this the nobleman fell sick, and the fool 
 went to see him. His lordship said to him, " I am 
 going to leave you." "Whither art thou goingl" 
 asked the fool. 4< Into another world." " And when 
 will you come back again 1 Will you within a month 1 " 
 ' No." " When then?" " Never." " Never!" 
 exclaimed the fool, " and what provision hast thou made 
 for thy entertainment there, whither thou goest ? " 
 " Xone at all /" " So ! none at all ! said the fool in 
 surprise ; " There, then, take my staff ; for, with all 
 my folly, I am not guilty of any such Jolly as this ! " 
 
 A PERSIAN'S OPINION OF THE RELIGIOUS. 
 
 of the oriental monarchs being afflicted with a 
 
 rous disease, which he feared would end in death, 
 
 rowed to distribute a large sum among the religious if 
 
 he should recover. 
 
 On his recovery he resolved to fulfil his vow, and 
 of his slaves a large purse of gold to be dis- 
 tributed accordingly ; but the slave returned with the 
 
IMPIETY. 29 
 
 full purse, declaring that he could not find any religi- 
 ous. " How so?" said the monarch; "are there not 
 four hundred in the city V " To be sure," replied the 
 slave, " there are such a number who wear the dress, and 
 I offered the gold to every one of them in turn, but not 
 one refused it. I thence concluded that not one of them 
 were reallu religious !" 
 
 JULIANUS, II1S APOSTACY AND IMPIETY. 
 
 Julianus, at first, feigned himself to be a Christian ; 
 and, as some say, was entered into orders for a deacon. 
 From a worshipper of Christ, he afterwards turned to 
 be a great persecutor and mocker of the Christians and 
 Christianity itself — in contempt of which he permitted 
 the Jews to re-edify their temple, which had been ruined 
 under Titus ; and the care of that affair was committed 
 to Antiochenus Phillipus : but the Divine power 
 showed forth itself to the terror of all men ; for, as soon 
 as they had laid the stones in the foundation of it, the 
 earth began to make a horrid noise and exceedingly 
 trembled ; it cast out the foundations of the wall, sent 
 forth a flame that slew the workmen, and consumed all 
 the tools and instruments that were there, as well iron 
 as other. 
 
 The next night there were divers crosses found upon 
 
30 SIDNEY am 0DO1 i . 
 
 tin- garments of many men, and those in such manner 
 set on, that they could not be washed, or any way got 
 out thence. 
 
 At last this Julianus, waging war with the Persians, 
 by an unknown hand he received a deadly wound 
 betwixt his ribs ; when, filling his hands with his own 
 blood, and throwing it up towards heaven, he exclaimed, 
 tisfy thy malice, O Galilean (so he called Christ), 
 tor I acknowledge I am overcome by thee !" 
 
 SUICIDE PREVENTED. 
 
 A gentleman, of good connexions, having made a 
 voyage to Cayenne, in South America, was there 
 tilted by several persons, one of whom he was com- 
 pelled to kill in his own defence ; he was consequently 
 consigned to a dungeon, where the only light admitted 
 through a grating, by which his food was let down. 
 Attempting to escape, he was severely wounded in 
 several places, and these were rendered more painful by 
 the attack of numerous insects. In this desperate state 
 being a stranger to religion and its consolations, he 
 formed the resolution of ending his miserable life with 
 the knife used in cutting his food. 
 
 On the evening in which he had resolved to carry 
 . daring resolve into effect, an unknown hand 
 
31 
 
 passed a Bible through the grating, and a voice directed 
 him to a particular chapter and verse. Being then so 
 dark that he could not refer to it, he was induced, from 
 the singularity of the circumstance, to defer the self- 
 destruction he had intended, until the next day, when 
 he read the portion pointed out, became resigned to the 
 will of his Maker, and was blessed with a hope of eter- 
 nal salvation. Sir Sidney Smith shortly after arrived on 
 the coast at a seasonable time, and made intercession, 
 so as to restore him to liberty, and he ever after gave 
 evidence of the sincerity of his conversion by a serious 
 and zealous profession of Christianity. 
 
 This fact was related by the Rev. Mr. Wylde, at. a 
 meeting of the Auxiliary Bible Society, of the War- 
 rington district, as an affecting instance of the good 
 produced by the distribution of the Sacred Writings. 
 
 THE SAYINGS OF A DYING MAN. 
 
 Mr. Nichols, in his life of the great lexicographer and 
 moralist Dr. Johnson, states, that during the doctor's last 
 illness, it was his regular practice to have the church 
 service read to him, by some attentive and friendly 
 divine ; occasionally requesting some of his friends to 
 come and join the small devotional assembly. On the 
 last occasion, no more than the Litany was read by 
 
SIDNEY AM ( DO! 1 ^. 
 
 the doctor's own express desire, in which the responses 
 were given by him in a deep and sonorous tone of voice, 
 and with the most profound devotion that can be 
 imagined. 
 
 His hearing not being quite perfect, he more than 
 once interrupted the clergyman, then performing the 
 office, with " Louder, my dear sir, louder I entreat you, 
 or you pray in vain ! " 
 
 When the service was finished, he turned round to 
 an elderly lady, who was present, and said, " I thank 
 you, madam, very heartily for your kindness in joining 
 me in this solemn exercise. Live well, I conjure you ; 
 and you will not feel the compunction which I now 
 
 Soon after he observed, " I would give one of these 
 legs for a year more of life ; but not such as that I now 
 suffer ! " 
 
 At Mr. Nichols' last interview with the dying doctor, 
 he expressively said, "Take care of your eternal salva- 
 tion — Remember to observe the Sabbath — Let it never be a 
 daij of business ; nor wholly a day of dissipation* — Let my 
 ds have their due weiyht : they are the words of a 
 
33 
 
 DR. FRANKLIN. 
 This celebrated philosopher, early in life, and before 
 he had maturely weighed evidence, became a sceptic as 
 to the religion in which he had been educated, for his 
 father having perceived his early propensity towards 
 literary pursuits, had intended to qualify him for the 
 sacred office of the ministry. This intention was frus- 
 trated by the increase of his family, yet he made it his 
 particular study to inspire his children with a desire 
 after knowledge, and imbue their minds with the best 
 moral principles ; and Benjamin, without other assist- 
 ance, went through a course of controversial divinity 
 which seemed only to give strength to his argumentative 
 powers. Like some others who are fond of displaying 
 their rationative powers, he propagated his sceptical 
 opinions with much assiduity and zeal. The fatal con- 
 sequences which this produced on the deportment of some 
 of his intimate companions, at length happily convinced 
 him that it is extremely dangerous to destroy the salu- 
 tary influence of religion, without being able to sub- 
 stitute any thing in its place, of equal importance and 
 efficacy. After renouncing his sceptical principles, as 
 neither true nor beneficial to society, he became nflrm 
 believer in the Scriptures, and never undertook any im- 
 portant transaction without having first petitioned ilie 
 Almighty to prosper his endeavours. 
 
34 ! Y WKDOIES. 
 
 The epitaph on himself, which he wrote several years 
 before his death, is curious, and evinces his belief in a 
 future state of existence. 
 
 THE BODY 
 OF 
 
 BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, 
 
 PRINTERj 
 
 (like the cover of an old book, 
 
 its contents torn out, 
 
 and stript of its lettering and gildinc.) 
 
 lies here, food for worms \ 
 
 yet the work itself shall not re lost, 
 
 tor it will (as be relieve!)) appear once more 
 
 IN A NEW 
 AND MORE BEAUTIFUL EDITION, 
 
 CORRECTED AND AMENDED 
 RY THE AUTHOR. 
 
 DR. FRANKLINS DYING ADVICE. 
 
 Mr. SutclirTe relates, that one evening in conversa- 
 tion with Samuel Bryant, son of the judge, he stated 
 that the Doctor was in intimate friendship with his 
 father, and consequently there was between their families 
 frt<jucnt intercourse. 
 
35 
 
 He then mentioned an anecdote of the doctor, re- 
 lating to his religious opinions, which appeared worthy 
 of being recorded. 
 
 When the doctor was on his death bed, he received a 
 visit from a young man who had a high opinion of his 
 judgment on every subject, and entertaining some doubts 
 as to the truth of tUe sacred writings, he considered that 
 this solemn period afforded a desirable opportunity of his 
 consulting Dr. Franklin on this most important subject. 
 He accordingly ventured to introduce the subject in the 
 most respectful and serious manner, and begged to know 
 the doctor's sentiments as to his belief in the truth of 
 the Holy Scriptures. The doctor was then very low 
 and fast approaching to his dissolution, but on hearing 
 the question put to him in so serious a manner, he 
 calmly replied, — " Young man, my advice to you is, 
 that you cultivate an acquaintance with, and a firm 
 belief in the Holy Scriptures ; this is your certain 
 interest." 
 
 THE COTTAGER'S CONSOLATION'. 
 
 u Yon cottager who weaves at her own door, 
 Pillow and bobbins all her little store, 
 Content, though mean, and cheerful, if not gay, 
 Shuffling her threads about the livelong day j 
 
36 I1T ANI.t DOTES. 
 
 Just knows, and knows no more, her Bible true, 
 A truth the brilliant Frenchman never knew ; 
 And in that charter reads, with sparkling eyes, 
 Her title to a treasure in the skies." — Cowper. 
 
 YOUNG WD TINDAL. 
 
 Dr. Kdvvard Young, when a student at Oxford, ap- 
 plied himself very closely to reading and study. He 
 had during that time, several arguments with Tindal, 
 commonly called Atheist Tindal, on the subject of re- 
 ligion ; who thus speaks of him — " The other boys I 
 can always answer, because I always know whence they 
 have their arguments, which I have read a hundred 
 times, but that fellow Young is continually pestering me 
 with something of his own !" 
 
 POSTHUMOUS IMPIETY. 
 
 Mr. (iilpin, in his observations on the western parts 
 
 j land, in noticing the mansion called Peni ii.lv 
 
 i the banks of the Tamar, about three miles 
 
 IkjIow Cotele, relates a singular history of a former pos- 
 
 of that mansion. 
 
 " .Mr. Tilly, once the owner of Pentilly House, was 
 
 a celebrated atheist of the last age. He was a man of 
 
 wit, and had by rote all the ribaldry, and common place 
 
I 
 
 
 SL 
 
37 
 
 jests against religion and Scripture, which are well 
 suited to display pertness and folly, and to unsettle a 
 giddy mind ; but are offensive to men of sense, whatever 
 their opinions may be ; and are neither intended nor 
 adapted to investigate truth. The brilliancy of Mr. 
 Tilly's wit, however, carried him a degree farther than 
 we often meet with in the annals of profaneness. In 
 general the witty atheist is satisfied with entertaining 
 his contemporaries, but Mr. Tilly wished to have his 
 sprightliness known to posterity! With this view, in 
 ridicule of the resurrection, he obliged his executors to 
 place his dead body in his usual garb, and in his elbow 
 chair, upon the top of a hill, and to arrange on a table 
 before him, bottles, glasses, pipes, and tobacco. In this 
 situation he ordered himself to be immured in a tower 
 of such dimensions as he prescribed, where he proposed, 
 he said, patiently to await the event. All this was done, 
 and the tower, still inclosing its tenant, remains a 
 monument of his impiety and profaneness ! The country 
 people shudder as they go near it. 
 
 " Religio pavidos terrebat agrestes 
 Dira loci :— sylvam saxumque tremebant." 
 The fear-struck hind, with superstitious gaze, 
 Trembling and pale, th' unhallow'd tomb surveys, 
 And half expects, while horror chills his breast, 
 To see the spectre of its impious guest. 
 
 E 
 
38 SIDNl \ ask I). 
 
 THOMAS PAINE. 
 
 It has been gcen generally admitted that the lives of 
 those nun whose actions have proved either beneficial 
 to society, or injurious to the world, are worthy of 
 recording, as a lesson for future ages, either to imitate 
 their virtues or avoid their errors ; and the lives of few 
 men present such a varied picture for the instruction of 
 mankind, as that of the celebrated author of the " Age 
 of Reason." 
 
 It appears necessary to give some particulars of the 
 early life of this extraordinary man, which shall be done 
 as briefly as possible, in chronological order. His 
 father, Joseph Paine, was a Quaker, and held a small 
 farm, but was a stay-maker by trade ; poor, but honest, 
 and respected. His son, Thomas, was born on the 29th 
 of January, 1736-7,, in the borough of Thetford, county 
 of Norfolk. In 1756 he came to London. In 1758 he 
 went to Dover, and was employed by Mr. Grace, stay- 
 maker, for nearly twelve months. He had a situation 
 in the excise for several years ; but, in 1769, was dis- 
 missed. In 1771 he first commenced public writer. 
 An election of a new member for Shoreham, gave him 
 the opportunity. Mr. Rumbold, the candidate, invited 
 iid of the poets of Lewes for an election song, and 
 Mr. l'uine's was the successful composition, which pro- 
 cured him three guineas sterling. In 1774 his misfor- 
 
39 
 
 tunes increased, as he attended mare to the affairs of 
 others than to his own, and he disposed of all his effects 
 by a bill of sale, to his principal creditor at Lewes ; 
 who, seeing no hope of being paid, on account of the 
 continued irregularities of his debtor, took possession 
 and sold the premises, in April 1774. 
 
 It appears that, in 1774, he went to America, on the 
 eve of the rupture between the two countries, a period 
 well fitted for the display of his peculiar talents, and 
 his revenge against his own country, where his cha- 
 racter, public and private, had rendered his name 
 obnoxious. In 1775 he became the editor of the Pen ""»- 
 sylvanian Magazine ; and here he published the cele- 
 brated song on the death of General Wolfe. On the 
 suggestion of Dr. Rush, of Pennsylvania, of preparing 
 our American brethren for a separation from us, he 
 eagerly began and finished a pamphlet on the subject, 
 which was then shown to Dr. Franklin, and Mr. S. 
 Adams, and, after some discussion, entitled " Common 
 Sense." 
 
 At this period his political writings, and his taste for 
 philosophical enquiries, rendered him a welcome visitor 
 in the families of Dr. Franklin and others of respecta- 
 bility. He became secretary (or clerk) to the com- 
 mittee of foreign affairs, with a small salary j although 
 he possessed neither the conduct nor the learning 
 
10 >TES. 
 
 requisite. Hi was formed to pull down, not to set vp. 
 J lis forte was anarchy; order was the perpetual and 
 invincible enemy of his talents. In tranquillity he sank 
 into the kennel of intemperance ; in a commotion of the 
 political elements he rode conspicuously on the surge. 
 
 Iking dismissed by the committee, he was hired as 
 clerk by Mr. Owen Biddle, of Philadelphia ; and in 
 1780 he became clerk to the assembly of Pennsylvania. 
 
 In 1785 three thousand dollars were voted to him by 
 congress, in consideration of his political services ; but 
 they rejected with indignation a motion for nominating 
 him the historiographer to the United States, with a 
 corresponding salary. 
 
 The state of Pennsylvania voted him £500 currency, 
 and that of New York presented him with the confis- 
 cated estate of Frederick Davoc, a proscribed royalist, 
 situate at New Rochelle, of above 300 acres well cul- 
 tivated. 
 
 In 1787 he visited England, and in 1788 was arrested 
 for debt, but bailed by some American merchants. 
 
 In 1790 Mr. Burke published his " Reflections," 
 
 which brought Mr. Paine from France to England, with 
 
 the desire to excite the Londoners to copy the conduct 
 
 of the Parisians ; and in 1791 he published the first 
 
 • of the '« Rights of Man," in reply to Mr. Burke. 
 
 v he returned to Paris. A proclamation was 
 
41 
 
 issued by the king on 21st May, 1792, suppressing 
 seditious publications, and on the same day a prose- 
 cution was commenced against Paine, as author of the 
 " Rights of Man." 
 
 About August 1792 he published his " Address to the 
 Addressers." 
 
 His trial was appointed for the ensuing December : 
 but a French deputation having announced to him in 
 September that the department of Calais had elected 
 him a member of the national convention, he proceeded 
 hastily to Dover, eager to avoid the imprisonment he 
 dreaded. He had only sailed about twenty minutes from 
 Dover, when an order arrived from government for his 
 detention. 
 
 Paine sat in judgment upon the trial of Louis XVI., 
 and voted for his imprisonment during the war, and for 
 his transportation afterwards. After his imprisonment 
 in France for eleven months, he addressed a letter 
 to Washington, to whom he had inscribed the first 
 part of his u Rights of Man :" — " As to you, Sir, trea- 
 cherous in private friendship, and a hypocrite in private 
 life, the world will be puzzled to decide whether you 
 are an apostate or an impostor!" 
 
 He now returned to his abuse of the Christian reli- 
 gion, and in October 1796 appeared the second part oi 
 
 £2 
 
IIDNI ^ \ 
 
 his " Age of Reason."* In both parts his chief object 
 appears to be the propagation of licentious doctrines 
 among the lower orders, with the view of weakening, if 
 not eradicating, that awful veneration which restrains 
 man from sinning against his Maker and injuring his 
 neighbour. 
 
 In this year, also, he published his absurd and servile 
 letter to the French and their army, on the event of the 
 18th Fructidor ; this was his last publication in France, 
 lie continued there till 1802, in a constant state of 
 inebriation, and filthy in person. He wished to return 
 to America, as he became tired of the republic. Wash- 
 ington considered him an anarchist and an infidel, lie 
 was without either country or friend. He was poor, and 
 must, therefore, return to the states, where he still had 
 the farm at New llochelle, which had increased in 
 value, and would amply maintain him. 
 
 He arrived, under the protection of Jefferson, at Bal- 
 timore, on the 13th October, 1802. lie had seduced a 
 Madame Bonneville from her husband, and brought her 
 to America with her two sons, whom he treated with the 
 i test harshness and meanness. He went to his farm 
 in the spring of 1804. 
 
 lie hired an old black woman, named Betty, who 
 
 Btabop Watfon'i \ i»- -1« »sj;> r for the Bible, a tonvincinc 
 I r.nir ' |.! mtibfc urgUM i 
 
43 
 
 lived with him only three weeks, as they both got 
 drunk, and he said that she stole his rum, which she 
 retorted by calling him an old drunkard ; and nothing 
 prevented a battle between them but their inability to 
 strike a blow, being both prostrate on the floor, sprawling, 
 swearing, and threatening each other. 
 
 He then lived about fourteen months at Ryder's, until 
 the 4th May, 1809. 
 
 On his return again to New Rochelle he was accom- 
 panied by Madame Bonneville and her two sons, and 
 he hired another black woman, named Rachel Gidney, 
 to dress his meat. Rut as paying for any thing was 
 not one of his most agreeable occupations, Rachel, who 
 lived with him only two months, had to sue him for 
 her wages (five dollars). He was apprehended on a 
 warrant, and a Mr. Shute, one of his disciples, bailed 
 him ; but he at last paid the demand, making the silly 
 remark that he considered it hard that he should be sued 
 in a country for which he had done so much. 
 
 Dr. Manley, who attended him in his last illness, 
 gave the following, in answer to queries from Mr. 
 Cheetham : — " During the latter part of his life, though 
 his conversation was equivocal, hit conduct was singular. 
 He would not be left alone, night or day. He not only 
 required to have some person with him, but he must see 
 that he or she was there, and would not allow his cui- 
 
4 4 BIDNE1 INBCJDOTBSi 
 
 tain to be closed at any time ; and if, as it would some- 
 times unavoidably happen, he was left alone, he would 
 scream and halloo until some person came to him. 
 When relief from pain would admit, he seemed thought- 
 ful and contemplative, his eyes being generally closed, 
 and his hands folded upon his breast, although he never 
 slept without the assistance of an anodyne. 
 
 "There was something remarkable in his conduct 
 about this period, which comprises about two weeks 
 immediately preceding his death, particularly when we 
 reflect that Thomas Paine was the author of the ■ Age 
 of Reason.' 
 
 "He would call out, during his paroxysms of distress, 
 uitliout intermission, O Lord help me! God help me ! 
 Jesus Christ help me ! O Lord help me ! &c, repeating 
 the same expressions, without variation, in a tone of voice 
 that would alarm the house. It was this conduct that 
 induced me to think that he had abandoned his former 
 opinions ; and I was more inclined to that belief when 
 I understood from his nurse (who is a very serious, 
 and, I believe, pious woman) that he would enquire 
 when he saw her engaged with a book, what she was 
 reading, and being answered, and at the same time 
 asked whether she should read aloud, he assented, and 
 would appear to give particular attention. 
 
 " 1 took occasion, during the night of the 5th and 6th 
 
45 
 
 of June, to test the strength of his opinions respecting 
 Revelation ; I purposely made him a very late visit ; it 
 was a time which seemed to suit exactly with my 
 errand ; it was midnight ; he was in great distress, con- 
 stantly exclaiming in the words above-mentioned ; 
 when, after a considerable preface, I addressed him in 
 the following manner, the nurse being present : — 
 
 " 'Mr. Paine, your opinions, by a large portion of 
 the community, have been treated with deference. You 
 have never been in the habit of mixing in your con- 
 versation words of course ; you never indulged in the 
 practice of profane swearing. You must be sensible 
 that we are acquainted with your religious opinions as 
 they are given to the world. What must we think of 
 your present conduct? Why do you call upon Jesus 
 Christ to help you 1 Do you believe in the divinity of 
 Jesus Christ 1 Come now, answer me honestly : I want 
 an answer as from the lips of a dying man, for I verily 
 believe you will not live twenty -four hours.' I waited 
 some time at the end of every question ; he did not 
 answer, but ceased to exclaim in the above manner. 
 Again I addressed him : — ' Mr. Paine, you have 
 not answered my questions ; will you answer them ; 
 allow me to ask again, Do you believe — or let me 
 qualify the question — Do you wish to believe, that Jesus 
 Christ is the Son of God?' After a pause of some 
 
MI>\ DTE8. 
 
 minutes, he answered, ■ I have no wish to believe on 
 that subject.' I then left him, and know not whether 
 he afterwards spoke to any person on the subject, 
 though he lived, as I before observed, till the morning 
 of the eighth. 
 
 '* Such conduct, under usual circumstances, I conceive 
 absolutely unaccountable, though, with diffidence I 
 would remark, not so much so in the present instance, 
 for though the first necessary and general result of con- 
 viction be a sincere sorrow for evil committed, yet it 
 may be a question worthy of able consideration, whether 
 excessive pride of opinion, consummate vanity, and 
 inordinate self-love, might not prevent or retard that 
 otherwise natural consequence." 
 
 Whether Paine ever seriously disbelieved the Scrip- 
 tures has been frequently agitated, and whichever side 
 of the question we are inclined to adopt, difficulties pre- 
 sent themselves. That he believed in a state of future 
 rewards and punishments is certain, and we have been 
 informed by Mr. Parkes, who was with him three days 
 before his dissolution, that he believed in the resurrection 
 of the body ; and Mr. Parkes also stated, that the 
 quarrel Mr. Paine had with Mr. Carver was in conse- 
 quence of a violent dispute between the parties on that 
 subject, Paine asserting, and Carver denying, the doc- 
 trine of the resurrection. The dispute ended in a deter- 
 
47 
 
 mination on the part of Paine to make an alteration in 
 his will, which was formerly in favour of Mr. Carver's 
 daughters, to their total exclusion. 
 
 On this account Mr. Carver entered an action against 
 Paine, and recovered the arrears of several years board, 
 and such wa3 the antipathy consequently excited 
 against Carver, that he resolutely refused every offer of 
 reconciliation on the part of Mr. Carver, and he of 
 course must have died with malice in his heart. How 
 very different is the life and the death of a true believer 
 and disciple of Jesus Christ ! The wickedness of Paine's 
 life, and the inconsistencies of his conduct, give a com- 
 plete answer to all his cavils against the revealed word 
 of God. 
 
 He expressed a wish to be buried in the Quaker's 
 ground, his father being one of that persuasion, and 
 their principles and mode of burial he thought better of 
 than of any other. On this subject he requested and 
 obtained a visit from Mr. Willet Hicks, one of that fra- 
 ternity, to whom, after the usual salutations, he thus 
 spoke : — " As I am going to leave one place it is neces- 
 sary to provide another ; I am now in my seventy -third 
 year, and do not expect to live long, I wish to be buried 
 in your burying-ground." This simple request they 
 unexpectedly refused him. On the 9th June, the day 
 after his decease, the body was removed from his house 
 
48 
 
 at Greenwich to New Rochelle, attended by seven 
 persons, and he was buried on his own farm. According 
 to his will a stone was placed at the head of the grave 
 with the following inscription : — 
 
 THOMAS PAINE, 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 COMMON SENSE. 
 
 Died June 8i/i, 1809, aged 72 years and 5 months. 
 
 In considering the effects of his writings on society, 
 we may remark that " Common Sense," and the 
 V Crisis," had considerable influence in forwarding 
 American independence. The "Rights of Man" assu- 
 redly caused a spirit of free inquiry to spread more ex- 
 tensively, and its influence would have been felt in 
 Britain more powerfully, had not the "Age of Reason,'* 
 like a hideous monster, made its appearance. So much 
 were the religious community alarmed at the daring 
 attack made on the foundation of their faith, that all 
 writings of Paine were execrated, and the readers of 
 them deemed immoral in principle. The odium was 
 divided between the writer and his readers. 
 
 Thus an imprudent advocate of freedom, by one act 
 overthrew a fabric which was fast rising into importance, 
 notwithstanding the disadvantages of his moral charac- 
 ter, which was drawn into immediate view, when con- 
 
49 
 
 trasted with the Divine precepts of that religion which 
 he vainly attempted to overthrow. 
 
 We may with propriety here append one of the able 
 refutations of Bishop Watson, in his " Apology," 
 who thus writes : — " The mural precepts of the Gospel 
 are so well fitted to promote the happiness of mankind in 
 this world, and to prepare human nature for the future 
 enjoyment of that blessedness, of which in our present 
 state we can form no conception, that I had no expecta- 
 tion they would have met your disapprobation. You say, 
 however, ■ As to the scraps of morality that are irre- 
 gularly and thinly scattered in those books, they make 
 no part of that pretended thing, revealed religion.' 
 ' Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do 
 ye even so to them.* Is this a scrap of morality 1 Is 
 it not rather the concentrated essence of all ethics — 
 the vigorous root from which every branch of moral duty 
 towards each other may be derived t Duties, you know, 
 are distinguished by moralists into duties of perfect and 
 imperfect obligation : does the Bible teach you nothing, 
 when it instructs you that this distinction is done away 1 — 
 when it bids you ' put on bowels of mercies, kindness, hum- 
 bleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbearing one 
 another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a 
 quarrel with any ?' These, and precepts such as these, 
 you will in vain look for in the codes of Frederic or Jus- 
 
•';" SI DM \ \NK DOTES. 
 
 tinian, you cannot find them in our statute books ; they 
 were not taught, nor are they taught in the schools of 
 heathen philosophy ; or, if one or two of them should 
 chance to be glanced at by a PLato, or a Seneca, or a 
 Cicero, they are not bound upon the consciences of man- 
 kind by any sanction. It is in the Gospel, and in the 
 Gospel alone, that we learn their importance. Acts of 
 benevolence and brotherly love may be, to an unbe- 
 liever, voluntary acts ; to a Christian they are indispen- 
 sable duties. Is a new commandment no part of re- 
 vealed religion? *A new commandment I give unto 
 you, that ye love one another.' The law of Christian be- 
 nevolence is enjoined us by Christ himself in the most 
 solemn manner, as the distinguishing badge of our being 
 His disciples.* 
 
 " Two precepts you particularize as inconsistent with 
 the dignity and nature of man — that of not resenting in- 
 juries, and that of loving our enemies. Who, but your- 
 self, ever interpreted literally the proverbial phrase — ' If 
 a man smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the 
 other also.' Did Jesus himself turn the other cheek 
 when the officer of the high priest smote him? It is 
 evident, that a partial acquiescence under slight personal 
 
 * " By this shall all men know that ye are my dis- 
 ciples, if ye love one another." — Jesus Christ. 
 
51 
 
 injuries, is here enjoined ; and that pronenest to revenge, 
 which instigates men to savage acts of brutality for 
 every trifling offence, is forbidden. 
 
 u As to loving enemies, it is explained in another place, 
 to mean the doing them all the good in our power. ' If 
 thine enemy hunger, feed him ; if he thirst, give him drink.* 
 And what, think you, is more likely to preserve peace, 
 and to promote kind affections amongst men, than the 
 returning good for evil? Christianity does not order us 
 to love in proportion to the injury. It does not ■ offer 
 a premium for a crime.* It orders us to let our bene- 
 volence extend to all, that we may emulate the benignity 
 of God himself, who maketh His Sun to rise on the evil 
 and on the good.'* 
 
 FOLLY OF INFIDELITY. 
 DR. WATSON'S ANSWER TO PA1XE. 
 
 And is it possible that you should think so highly of 
 your performance, as to believe that you have thereby 
 demolished the authority of a book which Newton him- 
 self esteemed the most authentic of all histories •, which 
 by its celestial light illumines the dark ages of antiquity ; 
 which is the touchstone whereby we are enabled to dis- 
 tinguish between true and fabulous theology ; between 
 the God of Israel, holy, just, and good, and the im- 
 
SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 pure rabble of Heathen Baalim, which has been thought 
 by competent judges to have afforded matter for the laws 
 of Solon, and a foundation for the philosophy of Plato ; 
 which has been illustrated by the labour of learning in 
 all ages and countries, and been admired and venerated 
 for its piety, its sublimity, and its veracity, by all who 
 were able to read and understand it. 
 
 Nor have you gone, indeed, through the wood with 
 the best intention in the world to cut it down, but you 
 have busied yourself merely in exposing to vulgar con- 
 tempt a few unsightly shrubs, which good men had 
 wisely concealed from public view. You have entan- 
 gled yourself in thickets of thorn and brier, you have 
 lost your way on the mountains of Lebanon, the goodly 
 cedar- trees whereof, lamenting the madness, and pity- 
 ing the blindness of your rage against them, have 
 scorned the blunt edge and the base temper of your axe 
 and laughed unhurt at the feebleness of your stroke. 
 
 The Bible has withstood the learning of Porphyry, 
 and the poiver of Julian, to say nothing of the Manichean 
 Faustus. 
 
 It has resisted the genius of Bolingbroke and the wit 
 of Voltaire, to say nothing of a numerous herd of in- 
 ferior assailants ; and it will not fall by your force. 
 You have barbed anew the blunted arrows of former ad- 
 versaries ; you have feathered them with blasphemy and 
 
63 
 
 ridicule ; dipped them in your deadliest poison, aimed 
 them with your utmost skill ; shot them against the 
 shield of truth with your utmost vigour, but, like the 
 feeble javelin of aged Priam, they will scarcely reach 
 the mark — will fall to the ground without a stroke. 
 
 EPIGRAM BY A LADY, 
 OX THE EFFECTS OF PAIXE'S WRITINGS. 
 
 What means thi3 phrenzy of the nation's brain ? 
 The answer's apt, the evil comes from Paine ; — 
 If Paine our head and vital parts assail, 
 Xo wonder if the constitution fail. 
 
 Gent>. Mac. Feb. 1793. 
 
 SOME ACCOUXT OF JOHN BUXYAX, PRE- 
 VIOUS TO HIS COXVERSIOX. 
 
 His parents, though poor, put him to school, where 
 he learnt to read and write, and according to his own 
 account, he soon forgot all he had learnt, and although 
 young, " had but few equals in cursing, swearing, 
 lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God." In his 
 hours of rest he was often troubled with frightful dreams, 
 such as, that the end of the world and day of judgment 
 v>ere arrived, when he thought the earth quaked and 
 
54 SIDNEY \\}< r.OTFS. 
 
 opened her mouth to receive him. At another time ho 
 dreamt that he was about dropping into the flames 
 among the damned, and that a person in white raiment 
 suddenly plucked him as a brand out of the fire ; the 
 impressions these made he never forgot, and it is pro- 
 bable gave rise to the production of his " Pilgrim's Pro- 
 gress."* Although the thoughts of any thing serious 
 was painful to him, yet the impiety of professors made 
 his "spirit tremble," and on hearing one of these swear- 
 ing, he says it made his heart ache. He had many 
 narrow escapes from death, which for a time had little 
 impression upon him. He married a woman, daughter 
 of a pious father, whose only bequest was a copy of " the 
 Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven," and the " Practice of 
 
 * A short time ago we perceived a note in the Sunday 
 Times, but upon what authority it rests is not given, 
 asserting that he was not the author, but the translator 
 only of the work. 
 
 They say — u The work was published in French, Spa- 
 nish, and Dutch, besides other languages, before John 
 Bunyan saw it. We ourselves have seen a copy in the 
 Dutch language, with numerous plates printed long pre- 
 v'wusly to Bunyan's time.'" It is wished that they had 
 given its exact date, and stated also where it might now 
 ■xiu — I'd. 
 
55 
 
 Piety." In these they often read together ; these only 
 served to awaken a desire to Teform, so far as to go to 
 church twice a day, but he was more taken up with the 
 ceremony than the spirit of devotion. On hearing a 
 sermon on the sanctification of the Sabbath, which he 
 generally spent in vanity, he, for the first time felt what 
 guilt was, and all his pleasures were embittered ; his 
 habits still continued to prevail, notwithstanding various 
 compunctions of conscience, but one day as he stood at 
 a neighbour's shop window, using many oaths, the 
 woman who was not herself one of the most moral, was 
 so shocked at his language, that she told him he made 
 her tremble, and that he was able to vitiate all the youth 
 in town, did they keep him company. 
 
 This had the effect of causing him to discontinue 
 profane swearing. Shortly after, having some conver- 
 sation with a poor yet pious man, who spoke so plea- 
 santly of the Scriptures, he was induced to peruse them, 
 but only felt a pleasure when reading the historical 
 parts. For about a year he so far reformed in his 
 practice, that he began to be looked uoon as a godly 
 man ; and he thought he pleased God as well as any 
 man in England, although his heart was still untouched. 
 Being providentially called to Bedford, in the way of 
 his trade, he heard some females, who were sitting at a 
 door, conversing about things divine ; he listened, and 
 
SIDNEY 1NKCB0TES. 
 
 the subjects wore conviction, conversion, &c, and there 
 uas so much grace in all they said, that they appeared 
 to him to have found a new world. This led him to 
 doubt his own change of heart, and he often repeated 
 his visits to these poor women, so that his mind became 
 fixed on eternity and the kingdom of heaven. Meeting 
 one day one of his late wicked associates, he reproved 
 him for swearing, &c, adding, " What will become of 
 you, if you die in this condition V He answered me in 
 great chafe — " What would the Devil do for company if 
 it were not for suchas I am." His former religious com- 
 panion had turned Ranter, and also very immoral in 
 conduct — ending with a denial of the existence of God, 
 angel, or spirit — laughing at all reproof. These pre- 
 tended they could do what they chose, without sinning, 
 as they only had attained perfection ! This man's 
 company and tenets he was enabled to forsake, and the 
 sacred volume became his chief companion. He still 
 remained uncertain of his faith in Christ, and doubtful 
 if his day of grace had not passed away. He was much 
 perplexed about his own election, and the scripture 
 mod rather to damp than elevate his hopes. " It is 
 not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of 
 God that sheweth mercy!" But his mind was much 
 relieved by that sentence in Kcclesiasticus, (which, 
 though not in the canonical books) coming to his 
 
thoughts, u look at the generations of old, and see, did ever 
 any trust in Cod, and were confounded ?" In the midst of 
 his anxieties about his own salvation, two things excited 
 his wonder. Old persons hunting eagerly after worldly 
 things, and professors much depressed by outward 
 losses. If these labour after, and grieve so for the loss 
 of the things of this present life, how was he to be pitied 
 whose soul was dying. Could he but ascertain the 
 safety of his soul, worldly anxieties he would not allow to 
 trouble him. The hypocritical repentance of others 
 seemed to cause him to suspect the sincerity of his own, 
 and he expressed he was sorry that God had made him 
 a man, for he feared he was a reprobate, and the most 
 unblessed of men ; until hearing a sermon on the love of 
 God to sinners, when he was filled with comfort and 
 hope. 
 
 Some time after he was again tempted to entertain 
 doubts of the being of God and of Christ, and revelation ; 
 and darkness veiled his mind ; blasphemous thoughts 
 not only intruded, but he was tempted to curse and 
 swear, so that he was almost in despair of ever believing 
 in the truth. In this state of trouble of mind, he re- 
 mained about a year ; but the comforts of the Gospel 
 pouring into his mind, through the preaching of Mr. 
 Gifford, and reading the word of God, at length dis- 
 pelled his fears and doubts. Feeling a desire to know 
 
58 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 the opinion of some of the old writers on Christian 
 experience, he providentially met with a much used 
 copy of Luther's Commentary on the Galatians, in 
 which he saw his own case so clearly, that the thought 
 occurred — " This man could not know any thing of the 
 state of Christians now, but must needs write and speak 
 the experience of farmer days ;" and he preferred this 
 book to all others, as suitable (next to the sacred volume) 
 to a wounded conscience. 
 
 He was again under temptation to renounce all and 
 follow the things of this life only, which induced him 
 again to doubt, saying, u God hath let me go, and I am 
 fallen." But the consideration of the case of David, 
 and his being forgiven his crimes, afforded him little 
 consolation ; as his transgressions were against a purer 
 light, that of the gospel, and he was tempted to 
 reason thus : — " If these things should be true, yet to 
 believe otherwise, would be relief for the present, &c." 
 If he must perish, not to torment himself beforehand, 
 but have recourse again to the principles of atheists and 
 the ranters. The terrors that overwhelmed his soul at this 
 period, had a visible effect on his body, so that he could 
 neither stand, walk, nor sleep in quiet; but the consi- 
 deration of the saying, " He hath received gifts for the 
 rebellious," caused him again to hope there was forgive- 
 ness for him, although he had fallen off from the faith, 
 
59 
 
 and he had reason to bless God for the effect of that 
 text, " I liave blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgres- 
 sions, and as a cloud thy sins; return unto me, for I 
 have redeemed thee" which was farther impressed upon 
 him by that in Heb. xii. and 25 ; — M See that ye refuse 
 not him that speaheth." By these he was freed from 
 alarms, and enabled to flee to Jesus Christ for mercy and 
 pardon in prayer, with confession of his sins ; and his 
 mind was comforted by the words " I have loved thee 
 with an everlasting love." " He is able to save them to 
 the uttermost" &c. &c. 
 
 After many temptations to unbelief, and even atheism, 
 the constant recourse he had to the Holy Scriptures, and 
 to prayer, at last relieved his soul from a state of the 
 most distressing doubts and fears, and enabled him to 
 place his firm hope on the merits, love, and intercession 
 of a Saviour, who died for our sins, and rose again for 
 our justification. 
 
 He was admitted a member of the Baptist Church, at 
 Bedford, of which Mr. John GifTord was the pastor, in 
 1653, being then twenty-five years of age. In 165G he 
 was solicited by the members and ministers of this 
 church, to employ his talents for the edification of the 
 congregation, and his preaching attracted much atten- 
 tion, and exposed him to persecution. He was shortly 
 afterwards indicted at the assizes for preaching at Eaton, 
 
GO 8IDNEV ANECDOTES. 
 
 but it is difficult to imagine on what account, as Crom- 
 well, then the head of the state, would not allow perse- 
 cution for religious sentiments ; — this, it would appear, 
 was not followed up, for he was not molested for two 
 years, until after the Restoration. He was also inno- 
 cently accused of being a witch, Jesuit, highwayman, 
 &c. of being immoral in his conduct towards women, — 
 but this was envious slander. 
 
 Having preached with considerable success for five 
 years, in which time he also laboured at his trade, he 
 was about to preach at Samswell, near Harlington, Bed- 
 fordshire, November 12th, 1660 ; when he was seized by 
 the warrant of a justice (Francis Wingate) and com- 
 mitted to Bedford jail, on the act 35 Eliz. as being an 
 enemy to the king, his crown, and dignity, where he 
 remained a prisoner upwards of twelve years ! ! Here 
 he wrote the first part of u Pilgrim's Progress/' his 
 " Grace Abounding," and other books, which, but for 
 this incarceration, might never have met the public eye. 
 Mr. Bunyan appears to have been the first victim of the 
 restored Charles and his dissolute court, who had all 
 the laws enacted during the commonwealth repealed. 
 He underwent several examinations before judge Hale 
 and others ; but it was stated that> being convicted (so 
 it had been erroneously entered in the books), although 
 he had not been prope ly tried, yet was he kept in 
 
61 
 
 confinement, under a promise of having a hearing at the 
 ensuing assizes ; but this, through the agency of Mr. 
 Cobb, clerk of the peace, was prevented. On his pro* 
 mising to abstain from preaching, they said they would 
 liberate him, but this he neither could nor would refrain 
 from, — therefore was he detained. Being near to his 
 friends, he had much of their consolation ; and the jailor 
 being rather humane for his calling, granted him several 
 liberties, for which he being threatened with punishment 
 he was at last compelled to confine Mr. Bunyan closely. 
 It being known to some of the persecuting prelates of 
 London, that he was often out of prison, they sent down 
 an officer on the subject ; and, in order to find him out, 
 he was to get there in the middle of the night. Mr. 
 Bunyan was at home with his family, but so restless that 
 he could not sleep ; he, therefore, acquainted his wife, 
 that though the jailor had given him liberty to stay till 
 the morning, yet, from his uneasiness, he must imme- 
 diately return. He did so, and the jailor blamed him 
 for coming in at so unreasonable an hour. Early in the 
 morning the messenger came, and interrogating the 
 jailor, said, "Are all the prisoners safe?" " Yes." 
 44 Is John Bunyan safe?" "Yes." "Let me see 
 him." He was called ; appeared, and all was well. 
 After the messenger was gone, the jailor, addressing 
 Mr. Bunyan, said, " Well, you may go out again, just 
 
HON] \ IW14 DO! i B. 
 
 as you think proper, for you know when to return better 
 than I can tell you." There were about sixty others 
 (dissenters) confined in the same prison, who chose 
 rather to suffer than to sin, and these administered to 
 the comforts of each other. With the account of his 
 experience and imprisonment before us, we cease to 
 wonder that Bunyan's pure imagination, though he had 
 no books but the Bible, and Fox's Acts, should produce 
 such an exquisite performance as the Pilgrim's Progress. 
 It grew out of the circumstances of his life. The steps 
 that led to its composition, are given in simple verse, 
 which is prefixed to all editions of his work. His last 
 act was one of love. A young gentleman, having vexed 
 his father, seemed much grieved, and, also, on account 
 of his threat of disinheriting him. Mr. Bunyan went to 
 Reading, and persuaded the father to be reconciled to 
 his son. On his return to London, on horseback, and 
 getting wet from heavy rains, he fell into a fever. 
 Finding nature decaying, he settled his worldly affairs ; 
 and, after ten days illness, he resigned his soul with 
 unshaken confidence into the hands of his Maker, on the 
 31st of August, 1688, aged sixty years. He died at the 
 house of his friend, Mr. Strudwick, Grocer, Snow Hill, 
 and was buried in Bunhill Fields, in his own vault, 
 and on his tomb is inscribed, 
 
63 
 
 " The pilgrim's progress now is finished, 
 And death has laid him on his earthy bed/' 
 
 His master-piece, the Pilgrim's Progress, which has 
 gone through so many editions, and been translated into 
 all modern languages, has been commended by some of 
 the most learned and best critics of the age. 
 
 Mr. Oldys gives, as the observation of an anonymous 
 writer, in a discourse on ridicule and irony, printed in 
 8vo., in 1729, that Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress had in- 
 finitely outdone the Tale of a Tub, which, perhaps, 
 had not made one convert to Infidelity ; whereas, the 
 Pilgrim's Progress had converted many sinners to 
 Christ ! 
 
 CONSOLATIONS OF PIETY IN IMPIOUS 
 TIMES. 
 
 Sir John Mason, the celebrated courtier, was born in 
 the reign of Henry VII., and was a privy counsellor 
 to Henry VIII., Edward VI., and the Queens Mary 
 and Elizabeth. He was a man of talent, and of the 
 strictest integrity, which he exhibited in very treacherous 
 and trying times. 
 
 When about to depart this life he called his family 
 around his bed, and thus spoke : — " I have lived to see 
 
()4 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 five princes, and have been privy counsellor to four of 
 them ; I have seen the most remarkable things in foreign 
 parts ; and have been engaged in most state transactions 
 for thirty years at home. After so much experience I have 
 learned that seriousness is the greatest wisdom ; temper- 
 ance the best physician ; and a good conscience the best 
 estate; and, were I to live again, I would change the 
 court for a cloister ; my privy-counsellor's bustle for the 
 retirement of a hermit ; and my whole life in the palace 
 for an hour's enjoyment of God in my closet. — All things 
 now forsake me except my God, my duty, and my 
 prayers.' 1 
 
 THE REFORMED CANTABRIGIAN. 
 
 John Bunyan, although not a churchman, was often 
 allowed to preach in the churches. One week day he 
 was to preach in the church of a country village in 
 Cambridge, and a crowd of people being assembled in 
 the church yard, a gay Cambridge scholar passing by on 
 horseback, asked the reason of such an assemblage. 
 Being told that one Bunyan, a tinker, was to preach 
 there, he alighted and gave a boy twopence to hold his 
 horse, saying he was resolved to hear the tinker prate, 
 and so went into the church to hear him. But God 
 met him there by his ministry, the discourse making 
 
65 
 
 such an impression on his mind, that he embraced 
 every future opportunity to attend on his ministry, and 
 at last became an eminent preacher of the Gospel in 
 Cambridgeshire. — Crosby. 
 
 FOLLY OF ATHEISM.— (Darwin.) 
 
 Dull atheist ! — could a giddy dance 
 
 Of atoms lawless hurl'd, 
 Construct so wonderful, so wise, 
 
 So harmonized a world 1 
 
 Why do not Arab's driving sands, 
 
 The sport of every storm, 
 Fair freighted fleets, the child of chance, 
 
 Or gorgeous temples form 1 
 
 Presumptuous wretch ! thyself survey, 
 
 That lesser fabric scan ; 
 Tell me from whence the immortal dust, 
 
 The God, the reptile man 1 
 
 Where wast thou when this populous earth 
 
 From chaos burst its way ? 
 When stars exulting sang the morn, 
 
 And hailed the new-born dav ? 
 
t>(3 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 What, when the embryo speck of life, 
 
 The miniature of man, 
 Nursed in the womb its tender form, 
 
 To stretch and swell began ? 
 
 Say, didst thou warp the fibre woof, 
 Or mould the sentient brainl 
 
 Thy fingers stretch the living nerve, 
 Or fill the purple vein ? 
 
 Didst thou then bid the bounding heart 
 
 Its endless toil begin 1 
 Or clothe in flesh the hardening bone, 
 
 Or weave the silken skin 1 
 
 Who bids the babe, to catch the breeze, 
 Expand its panting breast ; 
 
 And with impatient hands, untaught, 
 The milky rill arrest t 
 
 Or, who with unextinguish'd love 
 The mother's bosom warms, 
 
 Along the rugged paths of life 
 To bear it in her arms ? 
 
 \ God! h. God! the wide earth shouts ; 
 \ God! the heavens reply; 
 
§3 
 
 lit moulded in his palm the world, 
 And hung it in the sky! 
 
 Let us make man! With beauty clad, 
 
 And health in every vein, 
 And reason throned upon his brow, 
 
 Stept forth majestic man ! 
 
 Around he turns his wondering eyes, 
 
 All Nature's works surveys! 
 Admires the earth, the skies, himself, 
 
 And tries his tongue in praise ! 
 
 Ye hills and vales, ye meads and woods, 
 Bright sun and glittering stars, 
 
 Fair creatures ! tell me, if you can, 
 From whence, and what lam? 
 
 What Parent Power, all great and good, 
 
 Do these around me own ? 
 Tell me, Creation, tell me how 
 
 T' adore the Vast Unknown ? 
 
68 SIDNl \ AM< DOIl>. 
 
 IMPIOUS FLATTERY. 
 
 In 1540, Henry VIII. complained to parliament, by 
 the mouth of his chancellor, of the great diversity of 
 religions which still prevailed among his subjects ; a 
 grievance, he affirmed, which ought the less to be en- 
 dured, because the Scriptures were to be the standard 
 of belief to all mankind. But he had appointed some 
 bishops and divines to draw up a list of tenets to which 
 the people were to assent ; and he was determined that 
 Christ, the doctrine of Christ, and the truth, should 
 have the victory. 
 
 The king seems to have expected that this book would 
 produce more effect in ascertaining truth, than had as 
 yet followed the circulation of the sacred writings. 
 Cromwell, as " Vicar-General!" made also, in the 
 king's name, a speech to the upper house, and the 
 peers in return bestowed great flattery on him, and in 
 particular said, that he was worthy, by his desert, to be 
 " Vicuv- General of the universe !" Cromwell seemed to 
 be in high favour with Henry, who, shortly after the 
 sitting of parliament, created him Karl of Essex, and 
 he was also installed a Knight of the Garter. Thus 
 was a man of no education, the son of a blacksmith, 
 placed at the head of the church, and ranked in prece- 
 ii< Dee next to the royal family. But the favour of 
 nrei tain duration and deceitful \ that of 
 
courtiers equally so ; for that which had been one cause 
 of Cromwell's elevation, his acquiescence in the mar- 
 riage of the libidinous Henry with Anne of Cleves, was 
 also the cause of his degradation and ruin, the fickle 
 king being determined on the dissolution of a marriage 
 which had become odious to him. The flattering peers 
 who had paid the minister such a fulsome compliment 
 when in power, now did not attempt to conceal their 
 real feelings against a man who had risen from the 
 lowest station, and excited their envy, by his rapid 
 ascent to the highest office in the state ! 
 
 IMPIOUS EXHIBITION. 
 
 In 1304 the Cardinal del Prato being the pope's 
 legate at Florence, in order to amuse the discontented 
 people of Florence, gave public notice of a represen- 
 tation, singular enough, but, it appears, suitable to the 
 taste of the people of that age. By sound of trumpet 
 was announced, that those who were desirous of intel- 
 ligence from the regions below, should attend, on the 
 1st of May, on the Carraja Bridge, and on the banks of 
 the Arno. On a stage which floated on the river, an 
 attempt was made to represent the state of the damned. 
 Some persons masked as devils were employed throwing 
 others into the fire — these grinding and gnashing their 
 
70 MDNl y 4NBCD01 i B. 
 
 teeth, and uttering most dismal cries, endeavoured to 
 imitate the feelings of the miserable inhabitants of hell. 
 During this impious foolery, the bridge, overloaded by 
 numerous spectators, gave way, and a very great number 
 were drowned ; and thus, says Villani, went in the 
 straitest direction possible, to satisfy their curiosity 
 respecting the affairs of the other world ! 
 
 THE PHILOSOPHER OF MALMSBURY. 
 
 The celebrated Hobbes, who affected to be styled the 
 Philosopher of T.Ialmsbury, possessed a very accom- 
 modating morality, which from its flexibility would 
 never place a man in danger, in any external circum- 
 stances. His governing principle was, that the end 
 justified the means, which, in familiar converse, he 
 would thus illustrate. 
 
 '* Suppose," said he, "I were first cast into a deep pit, 
 and the devil should happen to put down his cloven foot, 
 I certainly would lay hold of it to effect my deliverance." 
 According to this maxim, although at heart a royalist, 
 he flattered Cromwell! and after Charles was restored to 
 the throne of his ancestors, he added to the corruption 
 of the already vicious court by his writings. Notwith- 
 
 nding all his logical subtlety, he could not suppress 
 the dread which the view of futurity produced in his 
 
71 
 
 solitary moments. He could not bear being left alone, 
 and even a fit of tooth-ache brought on the most fearful 
 apprehensions. So tenacious was he of life, that he 
 wished to flatter himself with the hope of more days 
 than is usually allotted to man ; for at the age of 
 ninety he gave orders for a great coat to serve him for 
 three years, when he was to have another, made of the 
 same durable texture. When a lady with whom he was 
 intimate, ventured, in conversation, to direct his atten- 
 tion to the consideration of a future state, he inter- 
 rupted her rudely, with vehement protestations against 
 all discourse about death, or, as he generally called it, 
 " taking a leap in the dark !" 
 
 VICIOUS EXAMPLE AN APOLOGY. 
 
 When king James requested lord chief justice Holt 
 to vote for the repeal of the Test Act, he answered that 
 he could not do so in honour or conscience. The king 
 said he knew he was a man of honour, but from his 
 other conduct in life, he did not appear like a man who 
 had any regard for conscience, being quite given up to 
 vice and luxury. Holt boldly replied, " I own I have 
 faults ; but they are such that other people, who talk 
 more of conscience, are guilty of the like." 
 
72 SIMfBl AMCIOTES. 
 
 DR. WATSON'S CONTRAST BETWEEN 
 m:\vton AND PAINE. 
 
 The Bishop of Landaff in a sermon in the chapel of 
 the London Hospital, on the 8th of April, and pub- 
 lished in 1803, thus makes the contrast between Paine 
 as an unbeliever, and Newton as a believer in Chris- 
 tianity. 
 
 " I think myself justified in saying, that a thousand 
 such men are, in understanding, but as dust in the 
 balance when weighed against Newton — a most evident 
 truth worthy the public consideration. ,r 
 
 A ROYAL REPROOF. 
 
 There is a certain levity exhibited by many who 
 attend places of devotion, apparently not for the purpose 
 of worshipping the great Author of our being, but 
 attracted by the popularity of a preacher, or because 
 custom or interest commands their attendance. Such 
 levity of behaviour, besides its impiety, is an insult to 
 those who congregate together for a nobler purpose — 
 the adoration of the great Creator. 
 
 No one was more circumspect in this respect than 
 his late majesty, who could not let pass unnoticed any 
 indecorum he observed in others. During morning 
 prayers at Windsor he usually rolled up the printed 
 
73 
 
 form of prayer, and with it beat time to the music of 
 the choir, and, at times, would point to certain parts of 
 the service in the common prayer when he observed any 
 of his attendants inattentive. Two young marquises of 
 political and military fame, it is said, required often 
 such hints. One morning, the hero of Acre having 
 shifted his birth several times, took his station under the 
 organ, before the royal desk. His majesty having his 
 eye upon him, in good humour gave Sir Sidney a mo- 
 nitory pat on the head with his paper scroll, which soon 
 recalled the hero to a sense of the levity of his conduct, 
 and excited no little risibility among the audience. 
 
 The conqueror of Acre immediately retired under 
 cover of the two Duchesses of Rutland, who thus pro- 
 tected the retreat of a man who had never before feared 
 the face of man. 
 
 IMPIETY CHECKED. 
 
 A young officer who had joined the army shortly after 
 the peace with France in the time of Elizabeth, went to 
 the ordinary at the Black Horse Inn, Holborn, where 
 the veteran Major Johnson, a brave and pious Scotch- 
 man, usually dined. The young gentleman, during 
 dinner, started some of his novel opinions, and ventured 
 to arraign the dispensations of Providence. The veteran 
 
74 
 
 at first only cautioned him to speak more respectfully of 
 a Being, whom all the rest of the company held in vene- 
 ration ; but this did not check his extravagance. The 
 major then addressed him in a more serious manner. 
 " Young man, do not abuse your Benefactor while you 
 are eating his bread. Consider whose air you breathe, 
 whose presence you are in, and who it is that gave you 
 the power of that very speech which you make use of to 
 His dishonour." The pert youth jestingly asked, if he 
 was going to preach ; and added, that " he had better 
 be cautious of what he said to a man of honour /" " A 
 man of honour!" exclaimed the pious veteran ; " thou 
 art an infidel and a blasphemer, and I shall treat thee 
 as such." This and other words produced a challenge 
 from the youth, when they proceeded to the garden to 
 measure swords. The old gentleman then desired the 
 youth to consider where one pass might send him ; but 
 this caution being construed as exhibiting fear on the 
 part of the major, his antagonist became the more abu- 
 and scurrilous. The major then addressed him, 
 " Sirrah ! if a thunderbolt does not strike thee dead 
 before I come at thee, I shall not fail to chastise thee 
 for thy profaneness to thy Maker, and for thy sauciness to 
 wrvanL" Then unsheathing his sword which he 
 had used in another cause, he advanced, and with a 
 loud voice exclaimed, M The sicord of the Lord and of 
 
IMPIETY. 75 
 
 Gideon /" at which the young man was so frightened, 
 that he was immediately disarmed and thrown upon his 
 knees, in which position he begged for his life. This 
 the major refused to grant, unless he would ask forgive- 
 ness in a short extemporary prayer, dictated by the old 
 gentleman ; which the proselyte repeated after him to 
 the no small gratification of the company, who had fol- 
 lowed them into the garden. 
 
 INSTINCTIVE PIETY. 
 
 Mr. Wesley in his journal gives a relation of an 
 odd circumstance that occurred at Rotherham during 
 the morning preaching — it was well that only serious 
 people were present. 
 
 "An ass walked gravely in at the gate, came up to 
 the door of the house, lifted up his head, and stood 
 stock still in a posture of deep attention. Might not 
 the dumb beast reprove many who have far less decency, 
 and not much more understanding]" 
 
 IMPIETY AND CRIME ASSOCIA1 
 Although many like circumstances might be related 
 that occasionally occur in our own country, we select 
 one of recent occurrence, communicated by a correspon- 
 
''' SIDNB1 AXKCDOTES. 
 
 dent from the French capital, tending to show that 
 impietu and crime are generally companions. 
 
 In April last (1829) three men, named Guerin, 
 Banden, and Chandelet, robbed and murdered an old 
 man, the uncle of Chandelet, named Merger, in his lodge 
 at the hotel Vaucason, Rue Charonne. They were 
 tried, convicted, and condemned to die. Guerin be- 
 haved with much coolness ; Banden declared he was 
 innocent; but Chandelet, a small, horrible-looking 
 ruffian, laughed, jested, and insulted the court during 
 the trial. They were removed to the Conciergerie, and 
 made an appeal to the Court of Cassation, which gave 
 another month of life, and they were consequently sent 
 to the Bicetre, another prison a short distance from 
 Paris. There they gave themselves up to amusement, 
 in particular Chandelet, who spent all his waking hours 
 at cards, being an adept at the polite game of 6carte, so 
 much in vogue at the west end of London at present. 
 His associates had promised to shorten his already 
 numbered days; care was therefore taken to prevent 
 their intercourse. Chandelet, although so fond of gaming, 
 at intervals employed himself in composing verses ; and 
 wrote a song, which he said he would sing on his way 
 to the scythe. Their appeal being rejected, after the 
 expiration of the month, the fatal day arrived, and at 
 half-past eight in the morning the prisoners were placed 
 
in two carts, roughly constructed. The first movement 
 of the horses was the signal for the depraved Chandelet 
 to begin his song ; which having finished, he addressed 
 one of the soldiers — M Comrade, could you not prevail 
 upon three good fellows of your regiment to be 'our 
 substitutes to day V and then commenced ridiculing his 
 unfortunate companions, who appeared more depressed 
 in spirits than he. When they reached the Concier- 
 gerie they called for breakfast, a good one being gene- 
 rally allowed, and also a bottle of wine, when they 
 uniformly choose champagne. Until half-past three, 
 Guerin and Banden were engaged with their confessors, 
 but Chandelet amused himself in singing, abusing the 
 
 police, the priests, religion, <\c, and in calling 
 
 for more wine. He was offered wine and water, but 
 this he indignantly rejected. At half-past three they 
 were brought into the press-room, their hair cut off, 
 as also the capes of their coats and collars of their 
 waistcoats and shirts. Chandelet, contrary to his incli- 
 nation, was accompanied to the cart by a priest ; Banden 
 fainted, fell, and cut his face, which bled, on which 
 Chandelet exclaimed, " What, Banden, are you dead 
 already?" The priest besought him to pray, but the 
 entreaty was answered by a volley of obscenity, blas- 
 phemy, and curses, such as nearly frightened the priest. 
 He then went on with his song, partly addressed to the 
 h 2 
 
7ft *U>M > Wi CDOT1 Bi 
 
 mob; telling them, that " while they, a set of vaga- 
 bonds, crowded to see three poor fellows die, the friends 
 of the sufferers were robbing their houses, who ought to 
 be at home earning money to buy shoes ! " Arrived at the 
 Square where the guillotine stood, the clergy performed 
 their last religious offices, at which this depraved culprit 
 only laughed. The fatal axe soon terminated the lives 
 of the two first, when Chandelet mounted the steps 
 seemingly with great glee, to the amusement of the 
 unconvicted ruffians who were looking on. After utter- 
 ing a few more obscenities, the axe put an end to his 
 crimes and life at once. In another minute the remains 
 of this (I hope insane) wretch were placed with those of 
 his companions. Thus closed this horrible scene, with- 
 out producing, in the breast of any of the French spec- 
 tators, male or female, a single mark of pity or remorse ! 
 
 INCONSISTENCY IMPIOUS. 
 
 Two African youths, sons of a prince, being brought 
 to the court of France during the reign of Louis XIV., 
 the king was so pleased with their noble mien, that he 
 caused them to be instructed in letters and Christian 
 principles. In due time they were presented with com- 
 missions in the guards. The elder, docile and candid, 
 imbibed knowledge in art and science, and much 
 
79 
 
 admired the Christian doctrine on account of the mora- 
 lity of its precepts and the good-will it enjoined upon all 
 men. A brother officer having on a trifling dispute 
 struck him, he, considering it done in the heat of pas- 
 sion, did not resent it. Another officer remarked to him 
 that his conduct was too mild for a military man ; the 
 young Christian negro observed in reply, " Is there 
 one religion for soldiers, and another for merchants and 
 gownsmen? The good father who instructed me, above 
 all things urged the forgiving of injuries ; and assured 
 me, it was the very distinguishing characteristic of a 
 Christian, not to retaliate, but to love his enemy. " 
 " These lessons," said the other, " may suit a monastic 
 life, but will not qualify you for the court or the army ; 
 and all I add is, that if you do not call your brother 
 officer to the field, you will be stigmatised as a coward, 
 avoided by all men of honour, and your commission 
 will be forfeited." The astonished youth replied, " I 
 would fain act consistently in all things ; but since you 
 press me with that regard to my honour which you have 
 always shown, I will endeavour to wipe off so foul a stain, 
 though I confess I gloried in it before." The friend 
 carried the challenge. The next morning they measured 
 swords, when the brave negro disarmed his opponent. 
 JVext day he threw up his commission, and requested to 
 be allowed to return to his father, which the king 
 
HO SIDNB1 wi-vikui >. 
 
 ited with reluctance. On taking his departure he 
 embraced his brother and his friend, with the tear of 
 affection in his eyes, remarking at the time, that he did 
 not suppose that Christians were such unreasonable and 
 inconsistent beings ; and that he could not conceive 
 how their faith could be of any use to them if it did not 
 influence their conduct. " In my country," said he, 
 " we think it no dishonour to act agreeably to the prin- 
 ciples of our religion !" 
 
 IMPIETY AND PRIDE OF AGRIPPA. 
 
 This king had reigned over all Judea three years, 
 when he appointed royal shows in Cncsaria ; on the 
 second day of which he, in the morning, entered the 
 theatre, robed in a vest of silver. The silver, irradiated 
 with the beams of the rising sun, shone so resplendently 
 that it excited a sort of horror and awful dread in the 
 spectators. His flatterers consequently exclaimed that 
 he was a god, and besought him to be propitious to 
 them. They had hitherto, they said, revered him only 
 as a man, but hereafter should acknowledge that he 
 was above the nature of mortality. Agrippa heard these 
 speeches, but did neither reprove nor reject the fulsome 
 and impious adulation. 
 
 A little time after he raised his eyes, and espied an 
 
81 
 
 owl over his head. (In his calamity at Rome he had 
 seen one, and was told that it was a token of a change 
 of his forlorn estate to great honours ; but when he 
 should see the bird in that posture the second time, it 
 should be the messenger of his death.) Surprised with 
 the disagreeable sight, he fell into pains of the heart 
 and stomach, and turning to his friends, thus addressed 
 them : — " Behold, I your god am ceasing to live ; and 
 he whom you now call immortal is dragged unto death"' 
 Suffering great pain, he was immediately carried home 
 to his palace, where he died five days after, in the fifty- 
 fourth year of his age, and the seventh year of his reign. 
 
 IMPIOUS VANITY OF A PHYSICIAN 
 RIDICULED. 
 
 Menecrates, the physician, having succeeded in curing 
 several persons of deplorable diseases, was named Jupi- 
 ter, and so far was he not ashamed to adopt the title 
 that he began a letter to king Agesilaus thus : — " Mene- 
 crates Jupiter sends to king Agesilaus health ;" who, 
 on the other hand, to check his intolerable vanity, re- 
 turned answer, " King Agesilaus wisheth to Menecrates 
 soundness." The Greek writers affirm that he took an 
 oath of such as he cured of the falling sickness that they 
 should follow and attend upon him as servants ; and 
 
82 SIDNEY AMd" i 
 
 they did follow him, some in the habit of Hercules, and 
 others in that of Mercury ! Philip of Macedon, per- 
 ceiving his vanity, invited him and his own gods to 
 supper. Here he was placed at a higher table more 
 sumptuously set out, on which was an altar fairer than 
 on the others ; on this altar, while the dishes were car- 
 rying up to the other tables, divers libations and suffu- 
 migations, with incense, were made, until this new deity, 
 perceiving the manner in which he was held up to 
 derision and ridicule, took his departure, amid the laughs 
 and jeers of all present. — Plutarch. 
 
 AN IMPIOUS CHARACTER RECLAIMED BY 
 READING AND GOOD COMPANY. 
 The Rev. John Gifford, a native of Kent, was a 
 major in the king's army, and, with eleven others, was 
 imprisoned and sentenced to die, for being engaged in 
 the rising in that county. His sister paid him a visit 
 the night before the day fixed for his execution. Find- 
 ing the outer guard asleep, and those within intoxicated, 
 she advised her brother to make his escape. Accord- 
 ingly he got into a field, where he lay in a deep ditch, 
 concealed for three days, and then, in a disguise, got 
 to London, and, shortly after, to near Bedford, where 
 some royalists afforded him an asylum. Being a 
 
83 
 
 stranger in Bedford, he ventured on the practice of 
 physic ; but he continued his vicious habits, such as 
 drinking, swearing, gaming, <$cc. ; but in the last he 
 was generally the loser. Having lost a considerable 
 sum one night, he fell into a violent passion, and 
 indulged desperate thoughts concerning the providence 
 of God. Being led to look into a work written by the 
 Rev. Mr. Bolton, his conscience took the alarm, and 
 for some weeks he was in great distress of mind ; but, 
 at last, he had so clear a view of mercy, through the 
 blood of Christ, that his soul was filled with joy and 
 peace. After this he sought the company of those who 
 feared God ; but they doubting the sincerity of one who 
 had lately, by word and deed, opposed the doctrine of 
 godliness, would not admit him without much caution. 
 Being of a bold spirit, he would not be repulsed, but 
 persisted on every opportunity to join them, until, after 
 many attempts, they at last became convinced of his 
 sincerity, and admitted him to their friendship. Shortly 
 after this, he began in private to expound the word of 
 God, and then in a more public manner, which was 
 attended with benefits to many who became believers. 
 In 1650, Mr. GifTord and eleven other grave Christians 
 appointed a day for solemnly forming themselves into a 
 Christian society, to lay the foundation of a gospel 
 church : they met, and after fervent prayer, they gave 
 
84 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 themselves up to the Lord and to one another, accord- 
 ing to the will of God. They with one consent cho 
 Gifford for their pastor and elder, to minister to them 
 in the things of the kingdom of Christ, which he accepted, 
 and gave himself up to the Lord and the service of the 
 church on earth. The principles of this fellowship 
 were, a profession of faith in Christ, attended with 
 holiness of life. Mr. GifTord continued with them 
 until his death, which took place on the 21st Sep- 
 tember, 1656. 
 
 IMPIOUS ASSUMPTION OF DIVINITY. 
 
 Flavils Domitiams having ascended the imperial 
 throne, remarried his wife, whom he had divorced, and 
 on bringing her home, was not ashamed to say in public 
 that she was M called to liis pulviner t ' % (a bed on which 
 the statues of the gods were laid during the solemn 
 games exhibited to them.) Upon the day when he 
 made a great feast to the people, he was well pleased to 
 hear their acclamations throughout the amphitheatre, 
 u All happiness to our Lord and Lady." When, in the 
 name of his procurators, he indited any formal letters, 
 he thus commenced them : M Our Lord and God thus 
 commandeth." And it was afterwards ordered, that 
 
35 
 
 neither in the writing or speech of any man he should 
 be otherwise designated ! — Suetonius. 
 
 Caligula, the emperor, caused the statues of the 
 gods, amongst which was that of Jupiter Olympius, to 
 be brought out of Greece. Having commanded their 
 heads to be taken off, he ordered his own to be set on in- 
 stead ; and, standing betwixt Castor and Pollox, he 
 exhibited himself to be worshipped by such as resorted 
 thither. He also erected a temple, and instituted 
 priests and sacrifices to his service. In his temple 
 there was his image in gold, taken to the life, which 
 was clad every day in the same attire as he used him- 
 self. His sacrifices were phoenicopters, peacocks, bus- 
 tards, turkies, pheasants, which were offered daily ! 
 
 Suetonius. 
 
 IMPIOUS SUICIDE. 
 
 The philosopher Empedocles having cured Panthias, 
 of Agrigentum, of a desperate disease, perceiving that 
 in consequence of it he began to be reverenced as a 
 god, he became vain of immortality and glory. In 
 order to be supposed iranslated into the number of the 
 gods, he threw himself into the burning crater of Mount 
 Etna ! 
 
86 SIDNEY ANr.( I o 
 
 IMPIOUS INSCRIPTION. 
 
 Pope Adrian the sixth having erected a college at 
 Lovian, caused an inscription to be graven on the 
 gates thereof, in letters of gold, " Trajectum plantavit, 
 Lovanium rigavit, C.tsar dedit incrementum ;" an im- 
 pious parody on the expression of St. Paul, in his 
 Epistle to the Corinthians. '* Utrecht planted me* 
 Lovian watered me y \ and Cirsar gave increase "\ One 
 who had noticed the ingratitude and impiety of the 
 language, thus endeavoured to expose his folly, by 
 writing underneath, " Hie Deus nihil fecit." Here 
 God did nothing. 
 
 THE BIBLE THE ORIGIN AND PRESERVER 
 
 of the Learning at present ix tin: 
 
 WORLD. 
 
 Many of those who have made the greatest preten- 
 sions to learning have professed themselves enemies to 
 Revelation. It is not, indeed, difficult to account for 
 their rejection of a religion which is all humility, and 
 
 * Here Adrian was born. 
 
 t There he received his education. 
 
 X The emperor preferred him. 
 
87 
 
 by no means calculated to please such as consider the 
 applause of men as the most valuable object, and who 
 pride themselves on the infallibility of their own intel- 
 lects. To the bold, the conceited, and the half -learned 
 pretender to philosophy, who is weak enough to think his 
 reason commensurate to every object which falls under 
 its notice, that system which requires the exercise of 
 faith, more than that of reason, appears, as the Scrip- 
 tures themselves observe, foolishness. Pride, and a very 
 silly pride, such, indeed, as arises from narrow views of 
 things, and an ignorance of human nature, is the foun- 
 dation of infidelity. 
 
 It is, however, no less ungrateful than foolish 
 and wicked in the sons of learning to devote their 
 abilities to the extermination of the Christian religion ; 
 for it is really true that all the ancient learning which 
 now remains, was preserved by some peculiar circum- 
 stances attending the propagation of Christianity ; and 
 I believe it will be thought very probable, that if the 
 ancient languages, and the books written in them, had 
 been entirely lost, the civilised nations of Europe would 
 still have continued in a state of darkness and barba- 
 rism. Real superstition would then, indeed, have 
 reigned triumphant ; and the philosopher, as he calls 
 himself, who is now writing down Christianity, would 
 have been trembling at witches and goblins, spells and 
 
88 SIDNEY ANECDOTIS. 
 
 enchantments. lie makes use of that very light which 
 has directed his steps in the paths of learning, to dis- 
 cover the most probable means of extinguishing the 
 source of all illumination ! 
 
 I was led into this train of reflections by the perusal 
 of a charge of a late very learned archdeacon of London, 
 in which he evinces that our Saviour spoke most truly, 
 in more senses than one, when he said of himself, " I am 
 the light of the world." 
 
 When any species of literary industry is considered 
 as a duty founded on religion, care will be taken to 
 preserve those parts of literature which, from the indo- 
 lence and infirmity of the human mind, might have been 
 lost amidst revolutions, persecutions, distress, and the 
 fury of conquest. In every difficulty the Christians fled 
 for comfort to their Scriptures, and watched over them 
 with peculiar vigilance. The Septnugint preserved in 
 the worst times a knowledge of the Greek ; and the l^atin 
 translations, which were multiplied with avidity, rescued 
 the Latin language from a total oblivion. Josephus was 
 studied, and therefore preserved by the Christians more 
 carefully than by the Jeus ; and the necessity of Greek 
 for the understanding of the New Testament, caused that 
 language not only to be saved from the ravages of time, 
 but also to be studied with devout attention. The 
 fathers of the church wrote in Greek during three centu- 
 
IMPIETY. 89 
 
 ries ; and at a time when the Latin language was gradu- 
 ally decaying, the Latin fathers contributed something 
 to its restoration, and wrote, as well as their coeval 
 writers among the Pagans, not indeed with Augustan 
 eloquence, but still well enough to preserve a skill in 
 the construction and vocabulary of that language. A 
 considerable knowledge of history, and something of 
 chronology and philosophy, was necessary in studying and 
 defending the Scriptures even in the earliest ages, and 
 many Christians appeared well skilled in these parts of 
 learning, at a time when they were generally neglected. 
 
 Religion and conscience operated as a stimulus, when 
 all other motives were insufficient to retard the mind in 
 its swift progress down the declivity. With a view, and 
 solely with a view, to enable ecclesiastics to read and 
 understand the Scriptures, even in the most dismal 
 night of ignorance, there were some places of instruction 
 in cathedrals and monasteries, in which the embers of 
 literature, if we may venture to use that expression, 
 were preserved from total extinction ; in which a spark 
 lay latent, which was one day to become a light to 
 lighten the universe. 
 
 The little learning of these unfortunate ages, though 
 
 it did not enable the persons who possessed it to taste 
 
 and understand the beauties of the ancient poets and 
 
 philosophers, yet gave them some idea of the value of 
 
 i 2 
 
N 
 
 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 books in general, and enabled them to transcribe, with 
 tolerable accuracy, even what they did not accurately 
 understand. 
 
 Thus were those inestimable treasures of all elegance 
 and pleasing knowledge, the old Greek and Latin 
 authors, handed down to ages more blessed ; to those 
 who were able to unlock them, and pour out their riches 
 for the general utility. Nor are we indebted to the 
 Christians for the Classics only, but also for the Roman 
 law, and the codes of Justinian and Theodosius. Books, 
 which were destroyed by ignorant and angry kings and 
 conquerors, found a safe asylum in religious houses ; 
 and even monkery, which has been justly reprobated as 
 one of the follies of human nature, became, under the 
 direction of Providence, the instrument of many of those 
 blessings which now contribute greatly to the happiness 
 and dignity of an enlightened empire. 
 
 The revival of learning, as it is termed, or its emanci- 
 pation from churches and monasteries, and general dif- 
 fusion over the world, is greatly owing to the efforts of 
 ecclesiastics. There arose in that auspicious morning 
 a constellation of polite and profound Christian scho- 
 lars, whose effulgence has scarcely been outshone by 
 any succeeding luminaries in the literary horizon. 
 
 The best scholars of modern times, not only in theo- 
 logy, but in every part of human learning, have been 
 
91 
 
 Christian divines. They were led by their pursuit of 
 religious knowledge into the collateral paths of philo- 
 sophy, philology, and all elegant and useful literature. 
 
 It is to the piety of Christians that we owe the vener- 
 able foundations of schools and colleges ; those institu- 
 tions which, though they have often been perverted, 
 have still kept the light burning like the vestal fire, and 
 handed the torch from one generation to another, like 
 the runners in the torch-race. It was the love of Christ 
 which taught those towers to rise on the banks of the 
 Cam and the Isis, and planted seminaries of learning in 
 every considerable town throughout the kingdom. To 
 the gospel, then, says the learned divine who suggested 
 this subject, and to those who embraced it, are due our 
 grateful acknowledgments for the learning that is at pre- 
 sent in the world. 
 
 The infidels educated in Christian countries owe that 
 learning they have to Christianity, and act the part of 
 those brutes, which, when they have sucked the dam, 
 turn about and strike her. — Knox. 
 
 CONVERSION BY RIDICULE. 
 
 An eminent clergyman, (Mr. Perkins), who zealously 
 preached the gospel, in after life, was in his youth a 
 scholar at Cambridge, and much accustomed to habits of 
 
92 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 intoxication. Walking one day in the skirts of the 
 town, he heard a woman thus address her froward and 
 peevish child : " Hold your tongue, or I will give you 
 to drunken Perkins yonder." Finding himself become 
 a by-word among the people, his conscience was deeply 
 impressed, and this was the first step towards his con- 
 version. 
 
 AN IMPENITENT ATHEIST!!! 
 
 Mahomet Effendi, a man well skilled in the oriental 
 learning, most impudently, in all places where he came, 
 inveighed bitterly against the existence of God ; and one 
 of his principal arguments to uphold this blasphemous 
 principle was, that if there was a God, and he so wise 
 and omnipotent as his priests declared him to be, he 
 would never suffer him to live that was the greatest 
 enemy and reproacher of a deity in the world, but would 
 strike him dead with thunder, or, by some other dreadful 
 punishment, would make him an example to others. 
 He was at last condemned to die, but might have saved 
 his life by acknowledging his error and promising a 
 reformation ; but he rather chose to die a martyr for his 
 wicked principles, and so was executed. 
 
 Ricaut. Turk. Hist. 
 
93 
 
 OPPRESSION AND SACRILEGE. 
 
 Agathocles came suddenly upon the Liparenses, and, 
 without any cause, made an exaction of fifty talents of 
 silver. In requesting a delay for the payment of part 
 of the money, they stated that they could not at present 
 furnish so great a sum, unless they made free with such 
 gifts as had been devoted to the gods, and which they 
 had not been in the habit of so using. 
 
 The invader, nevertheless, compelled them to pay all 
 immediately, though part of the money was inscribed 
 with the names of (Eolus and Vulcan ; so, having re- 
 ceived it, he set sail from them ; but a mighty wind 
 and storm arose, whereby the ten ships that carried the 
 money were all dashed in pieces ; whereupon it was said, 
 that (Eolus (the god of the winds) had taken immediate 
 vengeance upon him, and that Vulcan remitted his until 
 his death ; for Agathocles was afterwards burnt alive in 
 his own country ! — Diodorus Siculus. 
 
 DIONYSIUS' SACRILEGE. 
 
 Dionysius, the tyrant of Syracuse, having rifled the 
 temple of Proserpina, in Locris, and sailing thence with 
 a prosperous wind, addressed his friends with a smile : 
 M See what a good voyage the gods grant to them that 
 are sacrilegious." From Jupiter Olympus he pulled off 
 
94 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 a garment of gold of great weight, which Hiero, king of 
 Syracuse, had dedicated out of the spoils of the Cartha- 
 ginians, and instead thereof caused a woollen one to be 
 put upon him, saying, that " a garment of gold was too 
 heavy in summer, and too cold in winter ; but a woollen 
 one was convenient for both seasons. " He caused the 
 golden beard of Esculapius, at Epidaurus. to be taken 
 off, saying, '* It was not fit that he should have a beard, 
 when his father, Apollo, was beardless." lie took out 
 of the temples, also, the tables of gold and silver ; and 
 thereon being wrote ( according to the custom of Greece) 
 " that these were the goods of the gods," he said, " he 
 would make use of their goodness." Also the golden 
 goblets and crowns which the statues held out in their 
 hands he took from thence, saying, " he did but receive 
 what was given" and that it was great folly to refuse 
 what was proffered from their hands, to whom we pray 
 that we may receive. — Valerius Maximus. 
 
 IMPIETY OF CAMBYSES. 
 
 Cambyses, king of Persia, having conquered Egypt, 
 and observing the ox that was consecrated to Apis, he 
 smote him on the hip, so that he died ; the more wicked 
 in this, that what he did to that idol beast he did as he 
 supposed to the true God, in contempt of all religion. 
 
95 
 
 But not long after, the counterfeit Snerdis retailing 
 against him, and having seized the greatest part of 
 Persia, as Cambyses was mounting his horse, with a 
 purpose of marching against him, his sword fell out of 
 the scabbard, the same sword with which he had before 
 slain the ox ; by this he received a wound in his hip, in 
 the same place wherein he had given one to the ox, and 
 of this wound in a short time he died. — Herodotus. 
 
 RELIGIOUS SPORTS FATAL. 
 
 Antoninus Commodus had notonly abused himself divers 
 other ways, but even in the midst of the solemnities of 
 religion he could not abstain from impiety. When he 
 sacrificed to Isis, the image of which he carried, he with 
 it beat the heads of the priests, and forced them to pelt 
 one another with pine-apple nuts, (which, according to 
 the rites of their religion, they carried in their hands), 
 that some of them died by it ! 
 
 By this and other wicked acts of his, he was grown 
 into that hatred, that he lost his life as he lay in bed, 
 slain by such as were about him, to the great joy of the 
 people of Rome. His body, after it had lain some time 
 unburied, was cast into the Tiber. 
 
96 HONEY anecdotic. 
 
 AN IMPIOUS BOASTER. 
 
 It is said of Frederick, the emperor, that he stated 
 there were three principal impostors — Moses, Christ, and 
 Mahomet — who, in order that they might rule the world, 
 had deduced all those that lived in their times. And 
 Henry, the landgrave, heard him speak it, that if the 
 princes of the empire would adhere to his institutions, 
 he would ordain and set forth another and better way, 
 both for faith and manners. — Burton's Anatomy. 
 
 NERO'S IMPIETY AND SUICIDE. 
 
 The emperor Nero spoiled temples and altars, without 
 discrimination, and thereby showed that religion was not 
 only despised, but also hated by him. Nor did he spare 
 that Syrian goddess which he worshipped, but sprinkled 
 the face of her with urine. By these and the like means 
 he became hUed both of God and men, so that the 
 people of Rome revolted from him, whereby he was com- 
 pelled to a fearful and miserable flight ; and, fearing 
 they would inflict on him torments worse than death, he 
 laid violent hands on himself. 
 
97 
 
 A CARDINAL SAYING. 
 
 A cardinal, making a pompous entry into Paris, when 
 the people were more pressingly earnest than usual for 
 his fatherly benediction, said, " Quando quidem hie 
 populus vult decipi, decipiatur in nomine diaboli." 
 Since these people will be fooled, let them be fooled in 
 the devil's name ! — Clark's Mirror. 
 
 HELIOGABULUS' IMPIETY. 
 
 This emperor must needs be married to one of the 
 vestal virgins. He caused the perpetual fire, which was 
 ever preserved burning in honour of Vesta, to be put 
 out ; and, as one that intended to wage war with the 
 gods, he violated indifferently all the rights and cere- 
 monies of religion in Rome ; by which impiety he so 
 provoked gods and men against him, that he was as- 
 saulted and slain by his own soldiers. 
 
 LEO THE TENTH ; HIS EXTORTION, 
 HYPOCRISY, AND IMPIETY. 
 
 Pope Leo the tenth, while admiring the huge mass of 
 money which, by his indulgencies, he had raked toge- 
 ther, thus atheistically addressed Cardinal Bembus : — 
 " Vide quantum liaec Fabula de Christo nobis yrofuit." — 
 
98 SIDNEY ANKCDOTFS. 
 
 See what a deal of wealth we have gotten by this fable 
 of Christ ! And when he lay upon his death bed, the 
 same cardinal rehearsing a text of Scripture to comfort 
 him, his reply was, " Apage lias nngus de Christo." — 
 Away with these baubles concerning Christ !" — Clark'8 
 Mirror. 
 
 THE SACRILEGE OF URACII A. 
 
 Uracha, queen of Aragon, made war with her son 
 Alphonsus ; and when she wanted money, she deter- 
 mined to rifle the shrine of St. Isidore, at Leon, in 
 Spain. Such as went with her feared to touch those 
 treasures ; she, therefore, with her own hands, seized 
 upon many things, but as she was going out of the 
 temple she fell down dead t So dangerous is it to adven- 
 ture upon that which we ourselves are persuaded is 
 sacrilege, though it should not be so in itself. 
 
 ALPHONSUS' IMPIOUS SPEECH. 
 
 Alphonsus, the tenth king of Spain, would usually 
 blame pboviDBWCE, and say, that M had he been present 
 with Almighty God in the creation of the world, many 
 things should have been better ordered and disposed 
 than they were." Bat let it be observed that he was 
 
IMPIETY. 99 
 
 thrust out of his kingdom, made a private man, died in 
 infamy, and hated by all men. 
 
 ROBBING A STATUE. 
 
 Leo IV., emperor of Constantinople, in shew of jest, 
 flike another Dionysius) took off the crown from the 
 head of St. Sophia, which had been made by former 
 princes in honour of her, not without vast expenses, and 
 afterwards wore it upon his own head. But his im- 
 piety passed not without its punishment, for instead of 
 gems, carbuncles and envenomed pustules broke out on 
 every part of his head, so that he was constrained 
 thereby to lay aside his crown, and also to depart the 
 world. 
 
 TURKISH IMPIETY. 
 
 Mahomet II. being repulsed by the inhabitants of Scodra 
 on a furious assault made on that city, wished that he had 
 never heard of the name Scodra, and in his choler and 
 frantic rage most horribly blasphemed against God, and 
 impiously said, that it was enough for God to take care 
 of heavenly things, and not to cross him in his worldly 
 actions. He kept no promise farther than for his ad- 
 
100 MONTY AM.CroTKS. 
 
 vantage, and took all occasions to satisfy his lust 
 
 Knowles's Turkish History* 
 
 A COVETOUS AND IMPIOUS GENERAL. 
 
 M. Crassus, the Roman general, being on a military 
 expedition into Parthia, in passing through Judea his 
 covetousness excited him to commit sacrilege, so that he 
 rifled the temple of Jerusalem of the treasures that were 
 laid up in it ; but divine vengeance had him in chace 
 for it ; for, not long after, he was overcome in battle by 
 the Parthians, when he lost both his fame and life, 
 together with his ill-gotten goods ; and, being found by 
 his enemies when dead, had molten gold poured into his 
 mouth to upbraid his covetousness. 
 
 HEATHEN TEMPLE 
 SACRILEGIOUSLY PLUNDERED. 
 
 The temple of Delphos having been spoiled by Philo- 
 melus, Onomarchus, and Phaillus, they were visited 
 with divine punishment. 
 
 The ordained punishment of the sacrilegious was, that 
 they should die by being thrown headlong from some high 
 place, or by being choked in the water, or burnt to ashes 
 
101 
 
 in the fire. Not long after having committed this 
 plunder one of them was burnt alive, another drowned, 
 and the third thrown headlong from an high and steep 
 place ; so that by these kinds of death they suffered 
 according to that law whieh, amongst the Grecians, was 
 made against sacrilege. 
 
 HEATHEN SACRILEGE PREVENTED. 
 
 Carabyses sent ffty thousand soldiers to pull down 
 the temple of Jupiter Ammon ; but the whole number 
 having halted to take their repast before they came to 
 the place, betwixt Oasis and the Ammonians, they 
 perished there under the vast heaps of sand that the 
 wind blew upon them, so that not so much as one of 
 them escaped, and the news of the calamity was only 
 known to the neighbouring nations. 
 
 THE STABLE PREFERRED TO THE ALTAR. 
 
 Theophylast, son of the emperor, by the absolute 
 power of his father, was seized of the patriarchate of 
 Constantinople. He then became a merchant of horses, 
 which he so violently affected, that besides the pro- 
 digious race of two thousand, which he ordinarily bred, 
 he sometimes left the altar, where he sacrificed to the 
 k2 
 
|(»'2 BIDN] OTES. 
 
 living God, to hasten to see some mare of his that had 
 foaled in the stable ! 
 
 IMPIETY AND REBELLION CRUELLY 
 
 PUNISHED. 
 
 Paulus Graocus had revolted from Bamba, king of 
 of the Goths, usurped the title of the king of Spain, 
 and, besides other evil actions of his life, had taken out 
 of a temple, in the city of Gerunda, a crown, which 
 the devout king Bamba had consecrated to St. Felix. 
 
 Not long after he was duly rewarded for it, for he 
 was taken by Bamba, against whom he had rebelled ; 
 he was brought from Nemausis, a city in France, to 
 Toledo, in Spain, crowned with a diadem of pitch, his 
 eyes put out, riding upon a camel with his face turned 
 towards the tail, and followed all along with the re- 
 proaches and derision of all that beheld him. 
 
 ATHEISM AND IMMORALITY. 
 
 Bulco Opiliensis, some time Duke of Silesia, appears 
 to have been a confirmed atheist. " He lived," saith 
 .Eneas Sylvius, " at Uralislavia, and was so mud that 
 he believed neither heaven nor hell, or that the soul was 
 immortal, but married wives, and sent them away as he 
 
103 
 
 thought proper, did murder and mischief, and whatso- 
 ever he himself took pleasure to do." — Burton's Ana- 
 tomy. 
 
 DR. JOHNSON'S SUMMARY OF RELIGION. 
 
 The great task of him who conducts his life by the 
 precepts of religion is to make the future predominate 
 over the present, to impress upon his mind as strong a 
 sense of the importance of obedience to the Divine will, 
 as may overbear all the temptations which temporal 
 hope and fear may bring in his way, and enable him to 
 bid equal defiance to joy and sorrow, to turn away at 
 one time from the allurements of ambition, and push for- 
 ward at another, against the threats of calamity. 
 
 EVIDENCES OF CHRISTIANITY. 
 
 FROM WILBERFORCE. 
 
 One argument in favour of Christianity impresses my 
 mind with particular force, and perhaps is not very com- 
 monly noticed, namely, the great variety of the kinds of 
 evidence adduced in proof of Christianity, and the con- 
 firmation hereby afforded of its truth, such as the proof 
 from prophecy, from miracle, from the character of Christ 
 and his apostles, from the nature and excellency of its 
 
104 SIDNEY v 
 
 practical precepts, from the accordance between the doc- 
 trinal and practical systems of Christianity, whether 
 considered each in itself or in their mutual relation to 
 each other ; from other species of internal evidence ; 
 from the accounts of contemporary, or nearly contem- 
 porary writers ; from the impossibility of accounting 
 (on any other supposition than that of the truth of 
 Christianity) for its promulgation and early prevalence ; 
 — these and other arguments have all been brought 
 forward and ably argued by different writers, in propor- 
 tion as they have struck the minds of different observers 
 more or less forcibly. Now, supposing that some 
 obscure and illiterate man, residing in a distant province 
 of the Roman empire, had plotted to impose a forgery 
 on the world ; though some foundation for the imposture 
 might have been attempted to be laid, yet it is morally 
 impossible that so majiy different species of proofs, and all 
 so strong, should have lent their concurrent aid, and 
 have united their joint force to establish a falsehood. 
 It may assist the reader in estimating the value of this 
 argument to consider upon how different and inferior a 
 footing has rested every other religious system, without 
 exception, which was ever proposed to the world, and 
 indeed every other historical fact of which the truth has 
 been at all contested. ,, 
 
105 
 
 FROM PALEY. 
 
 " What is clear in Christianity we shall find to be 
 sufficient, and to be infinitely valuable. What is 
 dubious, unnecessary to be decided, or of very subordi- 
 nate importance, and what is most obscure, should teach 
 us to bear with the different opinions which others may 
 have formed upon the same subject." 
 
 M. HENRY'S OPINION OF RELIGION. 
 
 Religion is the best thing in the world ; it forbids 
 nothing but what would injure our minds, and enjoins 
 nothing what tends to give them force and vigour. 
 True religion is the only remedy against sin y the best phi- 
 losophy of the wise, the comfort of the ajfiicled, the 
 strength of the weak, the riches of the poor y and the 
 support of the dying. Religion gives pari of its reward 
 in hand here below, and gives the best security for the 
 rest above. It is best understood when most practised. 
 
 Religion would have no enemies if it were not an 
 enemy to vice. — Massillon. 
 
SIDNEY ANLLOOTES. 
 
 DR. WATSON'S CONTRAST BETWEEN NEW- 
 TON AND PA INK. 
 
 The Bishop of Landaff, in a sermon in the chapel of 
 the London Hospital, on the 8th April, and published 
 in 1803, thus makes the contrast between Paine as an 
 unbeliever, and Newton as a believer in Christianity. 
 
 44 I think myself justified in saying that a thousand 
 such men are, in understanding, but as dust in the ba- 
 lance when weighed against Newton ;" a most evident 
 truth and worthy the public consideration. 
 
 OPPOSITION TO CONVICTION. 
 
 We have many evidences of the candour of the in- 
 spired writers in their relating their own errors, and 
 those of others who were the highly favoured objects 
 of divine grace. Some were guilty of very heinous 
 offences against the law of God, with which they were 
 well acquainted, and the obligation nf which they fully 
 admitted. 
 
 We have a very remarkable instance in the history of 
 Saul, king of Israel, also a prophet, who knew that he 
 was appointed by divine authority to govern the king- 
 dom. He also well knew, ond often expressed his con- 
 viction that the Almighty had decreed that David should 
 succeed him, to the exclusion of his own family. Under 
 
107 
 
 the full impression of this conviction, he yet madly 
 made attempts to counteract the declared will 
 and determination of God, by endeavouring to 
 cause the death of David, and also attempting his life 
 with his own hand ! Vain, impious man, thus cog- 
 noscent, to wage unequal strife with one who ne'er was 
 foiled by force or craft, of strong or subtile foe ! Did 
 not Pilate also act against conviction when he yielded 
 to the demand of the Jews, by delivering Christ up to 
 suffer death 1 Of this he gave evidence by the inscrip- 
 tion on the cross, — " This is Jesus of Nazareth, the 
 king of the Jews ;" which he refused to alter, saying, 
 " what I have written I have written !" 
 
 JUVENILE IMPIETY. 
 
 The aged prophet Elisha, on his way from Jericho to 
 Bethel, was assailed with the insolent mockings of a 
 number of little children, who it appears had not been 
 taught to reverence the aged. 
 
 " There came forth little children out of the city, 
 and mocked him, saying, Go up thou bald-head, go up 
 thou bald-head." — 2 Kings ii. 23. 
 
 They appear to have been numerous, for on the vener- 
 able prophet's turning to reprove them, forty-two of 
 their number were punished by the two she bears that 
 
108 BIDMB1 AMii.oi i I. 
 
 issued from ihe wood. The fact, as narrated by the 
 Meted historian, appears to have been gives to shew 
 that this kind of impiety was as much the abhorrence 
 of the Divine Being as the insult offered to the vener- 
 able prophet, as the servant of the Most High ! 
 
 THE HON. ROBERT BOYLE. 
 
 This celebrated philosopher, whom Dr. Boerhaave 
 styled " the ornament of his age and country," shewed 
 his regard for religion by founding a lecture at St. 
 Paul's in defence of the gospel against unbelievers, 
 without any regard to differences among Christians, 
 and also spent large sums for spreading the Christian 
 aeligion among the heathen. The design of the lectures, 
 as expressed by a codicil annexed to his will in 1691, is 
 " to prove the truth of the Christian religion against 
 infidels, without descending to any controversies among 
 Christians, and to answer new difficulties, scruples, &c. 
 To this appointment we are indebted for many learned 
 and able defences both of natural and revealed religion, 
 — '* Which," says Boerhaave, " of Mr. Boyle's writings 
 shall I recommend? All of them. — To him we owe the 
 secrets of fire, air, water, animals, vegetables, fossils ; 
 so that from his works may be deduced the whole system 
 of natural knowledge. 
 
109 
 
 He was one of the original founders of the Royal 
 Society, in 1645. At the restoration he was strongly 
 solicited to enter into holy orders, with the offer of con- 
 siderable advancement, but though he was a Christian 
 upon principle, yet he chose rather to pursue his studies 
 as a layman ; thinking also, that what he should say 
 or write in behalf of religion, would have more weight 
 as coming from one in that condition than from a 
 clergyman. He died December 30, 1691, and was 
 buried in the church of St. Martin's in the Fields. 
 The funeral sermon was preached by Dr. Burnet, Bishop 
 of Salisbury, who gives a very copious and elegant 
 account of the character, talents, and virtues of this 
 amiable man. 
 
 KING JOHN ; THE VALUE OF HIS RELIGION. 
 
 John, king of England, having been a short time 
 before reconciled to the pope, and then receiving an 
 overthrowin France, exclaimed in great anger, " Nothing 
 has prospered with me since I was reconciled to God 
 and the pope." 
 
 Being also, on a time of hunting, at the opening of a 
 fat buck — "See," said he, "how the deer hath pros- 
 pered, and how fat he is ; and yet, I dare say, he hath 
 never heard mass." 
 
 L 
 
1 10 1IDNJ \ a 
 
 He is said, in some distress, to have sent Thomas 
 Hardington and Ralph Fit! Nichols, knights, on an 
 embassy to Miramumalim, king of Africa and Morocco, 
 with offer of his kingdom, upon condition that he would 
 come and aid him ; and, that if he prevailed, he would 
 become a Mahometan and renounce the Christian faith. 
 
 The end of him was, that he was poisoned by a monk 
 at Swinstead Abbey, in Lincolnshire. — Baker's Chronicle, 
 and Stou'e. 
 
 HOBBES, DR. JOHN WALLIS'S REMARKS ON 
 HIS WRITINGS. 
 
 Dr. Wallis, the mathematician, in a letter dated 
 Oxford, Nov. 30, 1680, and addressed to Mr. (after- 
 wards archbishop) Tenison, thus writes: — "Sir, I re- 
 ceived yours of the 25th of November, and approve the 
 design. The life you speak of I have not seen, nor do 
 I know that I ever saw the man (Mr. Hobbes.) Of his 
 writings I have read very little, save what relates to 
 mathematics. By that I find him to have been of a 
 bold and daring fancy to venture at any thing, but he 
 wanted judgment to understand the consequence of an 
 argument, and to speak consistently with himself. 
 Whereby, his argumentations, which he pretends to be 
 demonstrative, are very often but weak and incoherent 
 
Ill 
 
 discourses, and destructive in one part, of what is said 
 in another, sometimes within the compass of the same 
 page or leaf. This is more convincingly evident (and 
 unpardonable) in mathematics than in other discourses, 
 which are things capable of cogent demonstration ; and 
 so evident, that though a good mathematician may be 
 subject to commit an error, yet one who understands 
 but little of it, cannot but see a fault when it is shown 
 him. 'For,' (they are his own words : Leviathan, part 
 1, cap. 5, p. 21.) ' who is so stupid as both to mistake 
 in geometry, and also to persist in it when another de- 
 tects his error to him V Now, when so many hundred 
 paralogisms and false propositions have been shewed 
 him in his mathematics, by those who have written 
 against, and that so evidently, that no one mathematician 
 at home or abroad (no, not those of his intimate friends) 
 have been found to justify him in any one of them, 
 which makes him somewhere say of himself, ' Aut ego 
 solus insanio, aut solus non insanio ;' he hath yet been 
 so stupid (to use his own word) to persist in them, and 
 to repeat and defend them : particularly, he hath first 
 and last given us near twenty quadratures of the circle, 
 of which some few, though false, have been coincident 
 (which, therefore, I repute for the same, only differently 
 disguised), but more than a dozen of them are such as 
 no two of them are consistent : and yet he would have 
 
1 1*2 > 1 1) N L VAN l.C DOTES. 
 
 them thought to be all true. Now either he thought so 
 himself (and then you must take him to be a person of 
 a very shallow capacity, and not such a man of reason 
 as he would be thought to be) or else, knowing them to 
 be false, was obstinately resolved, notwithstanding, to 
 maintain them as true (and he must then be a person 
 of no faith or hojiesty) ; and if he argues at this rate in 
 mathematics, what are we to expect in his other dis- 
 courses ? Nor am I the first who have taken notice of 
 his incoherent way of discourse and illogical inferences. 
 Mr. Boyle, in his Examen of Mr. Ilobbes's Dialogus 
 Physicus de Natura Aeris, p. 15 (and I think else- 
 where, though I do not remember the place), refers to 
 Dr. Ward's Dissertatio in Philosophiam Hobbianam, 
 p. 188, who voucheth Des Cartes to the same purpose ; 
 ' Nempe hoc est quod alicubi admiratus est magnus 
 Cartesius nusquam eum, sive verum, sive falsum 
 posuerit, recte aliquid ex suppositionibus Academiarum,' 
 against one Webster, with some animadversions on Mr. 
 Hobbes. He had, in his younger days, some insight in 
 mathematics, and which, at that time, (when few had 
 any) passed for a great deal, on the credit of which he 
 did much bear himself up as a great man, and having 
 somewhat singular ; and therefore despised divines, as 
 not being philosophers, or not mathematicians, without 
 which he would have thought it impossible to do any 
 
113 
 
 good in philosophy ; De Corpore, cap. 6, sect. 6. — 
 And so long as he did but talk, and forbear to write, he 
 did, by his own report, pass for a mathematician ; but, 
 when once he began to write mathematics, he presently 
 fell into those gross absurdities, and discovered, in him- 
 self, such an incapacity for it as could not have been 
 imagined, if he had foreborne to write ; and truly, 1 
 look upon it as a great providence that God should leave 
 him to so great a degree of infatuation, in that wherein 
 he did so much pride himself. For, whereas in dis- 
 courses of other subjects, mistakes may be shujjied over 
 with a multitude of great words, in mathematics it 
 cannot be so ; and, hereby, he discovered himself (with- 
 out possibility of palliation) not to be that man of 
 reason he would be thought to be. For, though a man 
 may be rational, who is not a mathematician (and had 
 he not pretended to it his ignorance had been excusable), 
 but for so great a -pretender y and who had gloried in it for 
 so long a time, and was acquainted with the principles of 
 it, from such principles to infer such absurd conclusions, 
 must needs argue a want of logic and an incapacity, not 
 only to reason well, but even to understand reason. 
 And, I guess, it was his affectation of singularity (as 
 much as any thing) which made him engage in atheisti- 
 cal tenets, that he might seem to be a man of greater 
 reach than all the world besides. I know not what to 
 
114 UDMBV AMBCDO 
 
 add more ; but if this may contribute any thing to your 
 satisfaction, it is at your service. 
 
 Yours, to serve you, John Wallis." 
 
 EDWARD GIBBON. 
 This elegant writer was born in 1737, at Putney, and 
 when very young, was sent to the grammar school at 
 Kingston, then to Westminster school, and afterwards 
 to Magdalen College, Oxford. Here he contracted the 
 principles of popery, which greatly alarmed his father, 
 who, to recover him, sent him to a Protestant minister at 
 Lausanne, in Switzerland, where he did indeed renounce 
 his new creed, but at the same time he abandoned Chris- 
 tianity altogether ! Few writers were possessed of such 
 popular talents as our historian. His periods are full 
 and harmonious ; his language is always well chosen, 
 and is frequently distinguished by a new and peculiarly 
 happy adaptation. His style, on the whole, is much 
 too artificial ; and this gives a degree of monotony to 
 his periods, which extends, we had almost said, to the 
 turn of his thoughts. A more serious objection is his 
 attack upon Christianity ; the loose and disrespectful 
 manner in which he mentions many points of morality 
 regarded as important on the principles of natural 
 religion; and the indecent allusions and expression 
 which too often occur in the work. An attack upon 
 
115 
 
 Christianity is not always to be complained of as such ; 
 it may proceed from honest motives ; but in that case 
 the attack will never be carried on in an insidious 
 manner, and with improper weapons, and Christianity 
 itself, so far from dreading, will invite every mode of fair 
 and candid discussion. Our historian, it must be con- 
 fessed, often makes, when he cannot readily find, an 
 opportunity to insult the Christian religion. Such, 
 indeed, is his eagerness in the cause, that he stoops to 
 the most despicable pun, or to the most awkward per- 
 version of language, for the pleasure of turning the 
 Scripture into ribaldry, or calling Jesus an impostor. 
 Yet, of the Christian religion he has observed, " that it 
 contains a pure, benevolent, and universal system of ethics, 
 adapted to every duty and every condition of life." 
 Such an acknowledgement, and from such a writer, too, 
 ought to have due weight with a certain class of readers, 
 and of authors likewise, and lead them seriously to con- 
 sider how far it is consistent with the character of good 
 citizens to endeavour by sly insinuations, oblique hints y 
 indecent sneer, and profane ridicule, to weaken the influ- 
 ence of so pure and benevolent a system as that of 
 Christianity, acknowledged to be admirably calculated for 
 promoting the happiness of individuals, and the welfare 
 of society. 
 
 Mr. Hayley thus laments the irreligious spirit by which 
 his friend was actuated : — 
 
116 SIDNEY fctfBODOTES. 
 
 M Think not my verse means bl indly to en 
 In rash defence of thy pro fane r page ! 
 Though keen her spirit, her attachment fond, 
 Base service cannot suit with friendship's bond ; 
 Too firm from duty's sacred path to turn, 
 She breathes an honest sigh of deep concern, 
 And pities genius, when his wild career 
 (jives Faith a wound, or Innocence a tear ; 
 Humility herself, divinely mild, 
 Sublime religion's meek and modest child, 
 Like the dumb son of Croesus, in the strife 
 Where force assail'd his father's sacred life, 
 Breaks silence, and with filial duty warm, 
 Bids thee revere her parent's hallowed form." 
 
 Essay on HlSTOItT. 
 The part of the history which gave offence to his 
 friend, Mr. Ilayley, and to the other friends of the 
 Christian religion, was the account givm of the progress 
 and establishment of Christianity, in the two last chap- 
 ters of the first volume of his history, in which he 
 endeavours to prove that the wonderful triumph of that 
 religion over all the established religions of the earth, 
 was not owing to any miraculous attestations to its truth, 
 but to five secondary causes, which he enumerates ; and 
 that Christianity of course could not be of divine origin. 
 Several learned men opposed him ; but the only one he 
 replied to vai Mr. Daviee, who had undertaken to 
 
IMPIETY. 117 
 
 point out various instances of misrepresentation, inaccu- 
 racy, and even plagiarism, in his account. The reply 
 was in a tone of proud contempt, and confident supe- 
 riority. To this Mr. Davies replied, and it is but justice 
 to observe, that his reply bears evident marks of 
 learning, judgment, and critical acumen, and that he 
 has convicted our author of sometimes quoting inaccu- 
 rately to serve a purpose. 
 
 His posthumous memoirs shew how much he felt the 
 attacks made on him by Lord Hailes, Dr. White of 
 Oxford, and Mr. Taylor. Besides these he was answered 
 by Dr. Chelsum, Dr. Randolph, Dr. Watson (bishop 
 of Llandaff,) Dr. Priestley, and Mr. Apthorpe ; at these 
 he merely glanced, treating Dr. Watson, however, with 
 particular respect. 
 
 INI r. Gibbon died in 1794, since which his posthumous 
 works have been published by his friend Lord Sheffield. 
 
 GEORGE, LORD LYTTLETON. 
 
 This eminent writer, poet, and historian, was born in 
 1709, at Hagley, in Oxfordshire, and was educated at 
 Eton and at Oxford. In 1728 he set out on his travels, 
 and on his return obtained a seat in parliament, and 
 became one of the keenest opponents of Sir Robert 
 Walpole. He spoke often in the house on the side of 
 
118 B1DN11 AN f.( DO] >>. 
 
 opposition, although his father, Sir Thomas Littleton, 
 was one of the lords of the admiralty, and voted accord- 
 ingly with the ministry. 
 
 When Mr. Pitt, the late Karl of Chatham, lost his 
 commission in the guards, inconsequence of his spirited 
 behaviour in parliament, Mr. Lyttleton was in wain 
 at Leicester house, and, on hearing the circumstance, 
 immediately wrote these lines : — 
 
 " Long had thy virtue mark'd thee out for fame 
 Far, far superior to a cornet's name : 
 This generous Walpole saw ; and, grieved to find 
 So mean a post disgrace that noble mind, 
 The servile standard from thy freeborn hand 
 He took, and bade thee lead the patriot band." 
 
 In 1741 he married Lucy, the sister of Lord For- 
 tescue, by whom he had a son and two daughters. His 
 amiable wife died in 1747, on which occasion he 
 bewailed her loss in a beautiful monody. In 1 749 he 
 married the daughter of Sir Robert Rick, but this union 
 did not repair the former breach. On the retirement of 
 Sir Robert Walpole he was made one of the lords of the 
 treasury. 
 
 It was in the year 1747 that he published the work 
 which lias been stated to be " superior to all praise," 
 
IMPIETY. 119 
 
 entitled, " Observations on the Conversion and Apostle- 
 ship of St. Paul." 
 
 He acknowledged that in his juvenile days he had 
 been led into scepticism ; but mature research and con- 
 viction made him a Christian. In 1757 he was raised 
 to the peerage. His last literary work was the History 
 of Henry II., which, after a great application of twenty 
 years, he published in 1764. This work reached a third 
 edition in 1768, and does honour to the judgment and 
 candour of the author. He also wrote " Poems," the 
 " Persian Letters," and " Dialogues of the Dead." 
 
 This eminent ornament of the Christian religion de- 
 parted this life in 1770, dying as he had long lived, 
 a Christian. 
 
 CELSUS ; HIS EVIDENCE TO 
 CHRISTIANITY. 
 
 Celsus was an Epicurean philosopher of the second 
 century, and wrote a book against Christianity, which 
 was answered by Origen. Celsus, although a most vio- 
 lent opposer of Christianity, mentions so many circum- 
 stances in the History of Christ, that an abstract of it 
 might almost be taken from the fragments of his book 
 Aoyog aXijdn, or The True Word, preserved by Origen. 
 He never pretends to doubt the real existence of Christ, 
 or the truth of the miraculous facts. Now it cannot be 
 
1-0 SIDNEY am (Do i is. 
 
 supposed that (Ylsus would have admitted the miracles 
 
 of Christ as real fads, had he not been compelled to it 
 by the universal consent of all men in the age in which 
 he lived ; so that the question with a candid arguer can 
 never be whether the miracles be true in fact, but whe- 
 ther the truth of the miracles in the circumstances in 
 which they were performed infer the divine authority of 
 the performer. See Lardner, vol. viii. p. 62, &c. 
 
 JOHN JAMES ROUSSEAU. 
 This eccentric genius was the son of a watchmaker 
 at Geneva, where he was born in 1712. His education 
 though but scanty, he made up for by application. His 
 various works exhibit the vile talent of rendering every 
 thing problematical, and is particularly conspicuous in 
 his Heloisa, in his arguments in favour of, and against 
 duelling, which afford an apology for suicide, and a 
 just condemnation of it ; in his facility in palliating 
 the crime of adultery, and his very strong reasons to 
 make it abhorred ; on the one hand, in declamations 
 against social happiness, on the other in transports in 
 favour of humanity ; here in violent rhapsodies against 
 philosophers, there by a rage for adopting their opinions ; 
 the existence of God attacked by sophistry, and atheists 
 confuted by the most irrefragable arguments ; the 
 
121 
 
 Christian religion combated by the most speeious objec- 
 tions, and celebrated with the most sublime eulogies. 
 But this has always been a favorite method of proce- 
 dure with unbelievers. By affecting to give the strongest 
 reasonings on both sides of a question, and thus enable 
 a reader to weigh carefully before he decides, such a 
 a writer naturally takes care to give greater force to the 
 sceptical side of an argument, and thus compels an unsus- 
 pecting reader, who is not aware of the design, to deter- 
 mine in favour of principles he should abhor. In his 
 Emilia, which appeared in 1762, he exhibits much that 
 is valuable, and also that which is absurd, impracticable, 
 or dangerous. Here, again, conformably with his 
 leading, though disguised object, in affecting to educate 
 a young man as a Christian, he has filled his third 
 volume with objections against Christianity. He has, 
 it must be confessed, given a very sublime eulogium on 
 the Gospel, and an affecting portrait of its Divine 
 Author ; but the miracles and the prophecies which serve 
 to establish his mission he attacks without the least 
 reserve. Admitting only natural religion, he weighs 
 every thing in the balance of reason ; and this reason, 
 being false, leads him into dilemmas very unfavourable 
 to his own repose and happiness. From the literary 
 history of Rousseau and Voltaire, our readers may learn 
 that if a man of genius wishes to degrade, embase, and 
 
122 SIDNEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 brutalize this glorious faculty, he has nothing to tlo 
 but to adopt infidel notions ; whereas if he wish, enjoy- 
 ing such a requisite, still farther to exalt and ennoble 
 his character, he has only to imitate such men as 
 Pascal, Newton, and Euler. In 1766 he visited Eng- 
 land, on the invitation of Mr. Hume, but remained only 
 a short time, owing to his capricious humour, which 
 led him to think his best friends were his greatest ene- 
 mies. He obtained leave to return to Paris upon con- 
 dition of never writing upon religion or government. 
 M. Sennebier remarks, " It is somewhat singular to see 
 a man so haughty as he returning to the very place from 
 whence he had been banished so often. Nor is it one 
 of the smallest inconsistencies of this extraordinary 
 character that he preferred a retreat in that place of 
 which he had spoken so much ill." 
 
 He died of apoplexy, on the 2d July, 1778, aged 
 66 years. 
 
 PASCAL AND VOLTAIRE. 
 
 THE DISGRACEFUL CONDUCT OF THE LATTER, IN COR- 
 RUPTING " pascal's thoughts." 
 
 The celebrated Blaise Pascal was one of the greatest 
 geniuses and best writers, both as a mathematician and 
 a philosopher, that France ever produced — he was born 
 
123 
 
 in 1623, at Clermont, in Auvergne, and his father, who 
 was a learned man, was his only teacher. In his 
 younger years he applied himself to the study of 
 mathematics, and understood Euclid's Elements as soon 
 as he cast his eyes upon them. Ill health compelled 
 him to relinquish his labours for some years, until at 
 last, when about twenty-four years of age, he forsook 
 the study of human learning to devote himself to acts 
 of devotion and penance. Though he had thus retired 
 from the world, he was not indifferent about what was 
 going on in it, for in his thirtieth year he published his 
 Lettres Provinciate, under the name of Louis de Mon- 
 talte, taking the part of the Jansenists against the 
 Jesuits, making the latter the subject of his ridicule. 
 " These letters," says Voltaire, "may be considered as 
 a model of eloquence and humour. Examples of all 
 the various specimens of eloquence may be found in the 
 work." Towards the close of his life he employed 
 himself wholly in devout and moral reflections, writing 
 down those he deemed worthy of being preserved. The 
 scraps of paper upon which he had written these 
 thoughts, were found after his death, in 1662, filed 
 upon different pieces of string without any order or con- 
 nection, and being copied exactly as they were written, 
 they were afterwards arranged and published under the 
 title of Pensees, &c. ; or, Thoughts upon Religion and 
 other subjects, being parts of a work he had intended 
 
12 1 BIDNB1 ANLCDOl t Bi 
 
 against Atheists and Infidels, which has been much ad- 
 mired. The A bho JSossu, who edited his works in 
 1799, says- -"This extraordinary man inherited from 
 nature all the powers of genius. In his Thoughts there 
 are passages, the depth and beauty of which are in- 
 comparable." The celebrated Bayle says — " An hun- 
 dred volumes of sermons are not of so much avail as a 
 simple life of Pascal." Ilis humility and his devotion 
 mortified the libertines more than if they had been 
 attacked by a dozen Missionaries. When we consider 
 his character we are almost inclined to doubt that he 
 was born of a woman, like the man mentioned by 
 Lucretius : — ut vix humana videatur stirpe crealus. 
 
 Voltaire, who thought it impossible he could do too 
 much towards limiting the influence of Christianity in 
 the world, could not suffer so extraordinary and popular 
 a book as u Pascal's Thoughts," to be circulated always 
 in their original state. He therefore undertook to corrupt 
 them in a way that exhibits one of the most singular 
 specimens of literary artifice, that has ever been im- 
 posed upon the world. The artifice consisted in pub- 
 lishing an edition of the Thoughts, with notes by Voltaire 
 himself. In this edition he differently arranged, or 
 rather disarranged, the Thoughts themselves, so as to 
 destroy much of their beauty and force. Some new pas- 
 sages were inserted, taken from manuscripts of Pascal, 
 to which he had access ; and in the introduction of 
 
125 
 
 which he has taken care to blend some abominable 
 things of h is own invention, for the purpose of making 
 Pascal appear as unprincipled a hypocrite as himself ! 
 Added to this, he also introduced into the body of the 
 work, and under the running title of Pascal's Thoughts, 
 a discourse, intended to bring the immortality of the soul 
 into question. The phraseology, too, of Pascal, he has 
 often changed, and various notes are added here and there, 
 in order to make some passages appear laughable, others 
 weak, and others absurd. If infidelity can make a man 
 of genius stoop to such dirty work as this, what honest 
 man must not shudder at the idea of becoming an in- 
 fidel 1 Voltaire, as the leader of a new sect, has caused 
 a revolution in wit and morals, and whilst he has often 
 exerted his powerful talents to promote the cause of 
 reason and humanity, to inspire princes with toleration, 
 and with horror for war, he has too often exerted him- 
 self in extending principles of irreligion, anarchy, and 
 libertinism. Ever inconstant, he was the Freethinker 
 at London, the Cartesian at Versailles, the pretended 
 Christian at Nancy, and the undisguised infidel at Berlin. 
 From the high character of the moralist, he frequently 
 descended into the buffoon, from the philosopher he be- 
 came an enthusiast, from mildness he passed to passion, 
 from flattery to satire, from the love of money to the 
 love of luxury, from the modesty of a wise man to the 
 m2 
 
Uf> SIDNEY \M( no I l B. 
 
 vanity of an impious wit. It has been said that his 
 physiognomy (see frontispiece) partook of that of the 
 eagle and of the ape, and his character exhibited him 
 occasionally with sensibility, but void of affection ; 
 voluptuous, but without passions ; open, without sin- 
 cerity ; and liberal, without generosity. As a man of 
 letters he must stand on very high ground for versatility 
 of talent, for brilliancy of imagination, for astonishing 
 ease, for exquisite taste, and for vast extent of know- 
 ledge. He died on the 30th May, 1788, and was 
 buried at Sellieres, but his remains were, during the 
 revolution, removed by a decree of the Convention, to 
 the Church of St. Genevieve, at Paris. 
 
 DEISM DELINEATED. 
 
 Deism signifies the doctrine or belief of the Deists. 
 
 Deism, from 0£oc, God, may properly be used to 
 denote natural religion, as comprehending those truths 
 which have a real foundation in reason and nature ; and 
 in this sense it is so far from being opposite to Chris- 
 tianity, that it is one grand design of the Gospel to il- 
 lustrate and enforce it. Thus some of the deistical 
 writers have affected to use it. But deism more pre- 
 cisely signifies that system of religion, relating both to 
 doctrine and practice, which every man is to discover 
 for himself by the mere force of natural reason, inde- 
 
127 
 
 pendent of all revelation, and exclusive of it ; and this • 
 religion Dr. Tindal and others pretend is so perfect, as 
 to be incapable of receiving any addition or improve- 
 ment even from divine revelation. Deists hold that, 
 considering the multiplicity of religions, the numerous 
 pretensions to revelation, and the precarious arguments 
 generally advanced in proof thereof, the best and surest 
 way is to return to the simplicity of nature, and the 
 belief of one God, which is the only truth agreed to by 
 all nations. They complain that the freedom of think- 
 ing and reasoning is oppressed under the yoke of re- 
 ligion ; and that the minds of men are ridden and 
 tyrannised over by the necessity imposed on them of 
 believing inconceivable mysteries, and contend that 
 nothing should be required to be assented to, or be- 
 lieved, but what their reason clearly conceives. Dr. 
 Clarke distinguishes four sorts of deists — 
 
 1 . Those who profess to believe the existence of an 
 eternal, infinite, intelligent Being, who made the world, 
 without concerning himself in the government of it. 
 
 2. Those who believe the Being, and natural pro- 
 vidence of God, but deny the difference of actions as 
 morally good or evil, resolving it into the arbitrary con- 
 stitution of human laws, and therefore they suppose that 
 God takes no notice of them. With respect to both 
 
128 SIDNEY \M ( D0T1 I. 
 
 these classes, lie observes that their opinions can con- 
 sistently terminate in nothing but downright Atheism. 
 
 3. Those who, having right apprehensions of the 
 nature, attributes, and all governing providence of God, 
 seem also to have some notion of his moral perfections ; 
 though they consider them as transcendent, and such 
 in nature and degree, that we can form no true judg- 
 ment nor argue with any certainty concerning them ; 
 but they deny the immortality of human souls ; alleging 
 that men perish at death, and that the present life is the 
 whole of human existence. 
 
 4. Those who believe the existence, perfections, and 
 providence of God, the obligations of natural religion, 
 and a state of future retribution, on the evidence of the 
 light of nature, without a divine revelation. Such as 
 these, he says, are the only true deists ; but their prin- 
 ciples, he apprehends, should lead them to embrace 
 Christianity, and therefore he concludes that there is 
 now no consistent scheme of deism in the world. 
 
 The first deistical writer of any note that appeared in 
 this country was Herbert, baron of Cherbury, who lived in 
 the last century. His work, u De Veritate," was first pub- 
 lished at Paris, in 1624. His celebrated work, " De 
 Religione Gentilium," was published at Amsterdam, in 
 1663, and an English translation appeared in London, 
 
129 
 
 in 1705. As he was one of the first that formed deism 
 into a system, and asserted the sufficiency, universality, 
 and absolute perfection of natural religion, with a view to 
 discard all extraordinary revelation as useless and needless, 
 we shall subjoin the five fundamental articles of this uni- 
 versal religion. The 1st is, That there is one supreme God. 
 2. That He is chiefly to be worshipped. 3. Th^t piety 
 and virtue are the principal part of his worship. 4. That 
 we must repent of our sins ; and if we do so, God will 
 pardon them. 5. That there are rewards for good men, 
 and punishments for bad men, both here and hereafter. 
 The positions of this and many other deists have been 
 examined with much ability by Dr. Leland, in his 
 "View of the Deistical writers." But we are not sure 
 that we need refer even our hesitating readers to this 
 work, satisfactory as most of his arguments are. Many 
 of the deistical writers would have been forgotten long 
 before this, had they not been kept in recollection by 
 Dr. Leland's work. We have always thought the 
 preserving vipers in spirits a disgusting practice, and 
 we are besides convinced that every collect reasoner, 
 whose turn of mind is not biassed by previous indulgence 
 in vice, on comparing the difficulties and supports of 
 the purest deism (that of Herbert) with those of Chris- 
 tianity, will find abundant reason to prefer the latter, 
 and to say in the language of Scripture. " Their rock 
 
130 MONEY ANECDOTES. 
 
 is not as our rock, our enemies themselves being 
 judges !" — Gregory. 
 
 INFIDELITY, ITS EFFECTS, c\c. 
 
 Infidelity considered as a disbelief of Christianity, 
 or rather as a kind of semi-atheism, has always found 
 some advocates ; and for this it is no way difficult to 
 assign a reason. u Men love darkness rather than light, 
 because their deeds are evil, neither will they come to 
 the light lest their deeds should be reproved. " A new 
 sect of infidels has arisen in the present age, who, with 
 a boldness unknown to their predecessors, not only 
 reject religion as false, but condemn it as pernicious. 
 The great majority of former unbelievers were so far 
 from denying its usefulness, that they represented it as 
 an invention of statesmen for the very purpose of giving 
 aid to morality, and efficacy to the laws ; but some of 
 our modern infidels declare open war against every 
 principle and form of religion, natural as well as re- 
 vealed, as hostile to morality, and therefore destructive 
 to the happiness of the human race ! By uniting more 
 closely with each other, by giving a sprinkling of irre- 
 ligion to all their literary productions, they aim to 
 engross the formation of the public mind, and amidst 
 the warmest profession of attachment to virtue, to effect 
 
131 
 
 an entire disruption of morality from religion. The 
 sceptical or irreligious system subverts the whole foun- 
 dation of morals. It may be affirmed as a maxim that 
 no person can be required to act contrary to his 
 greatest good, by his highest interests, comprehensively 
 viewed in relation to the whole duration of his being. 
 
 The system of infidelity is not only incapable of 
 arming virtue for great and trying occasions, but leaves 
 it unsupported in the most ordinary occurrences. Re- 
 wards and punishments awarded by an omnipotent Being, 
 afford a palpable and pressing motive, which can never 
 be neglected without renouncing the character of a 
 rational creature ; but tastes and relishes are not to be 
 prescribed. A motive in which the reason of man shall 
 acquiesce, enforcing the practice of virtue at all times 
 and seasons, enters into the very essence of moral ob- 
 ligation ; modern infidelity supplies no such motives ; 
 it is, therefore, essentially and infallibly a system of 
 enervation, turpitude, and vice. 
 
 This system is as barren of great and sublime virtues 
 as it is prolific in crimes. It requires but little reflec- 
 tion to perceive that whatever veil* a future world, and 
 contracts the limits of existence within the present life, 
 must tend, in a proportionable degree to diminish the 
 grandeur, and narrow the sphere of human agency. 
 As well might you expect exalted sentiments of justice 
 
MUNIS A M '('I)i ' ■ 
 
 from a professed gamester, us look tor noble principles 
 IB the man whose hopes and fears are all suspended on 
 the present moment, and who stakes the whole happiness 
 of his being on the events of this vain and fleeting life. 
 If ever he is impelled to the performance of great 
 achievements in a good cause, it must be solely by the hope 
 of fame; a motive, which besides that it makes virtue 
 the servant of opinion, usually grows weaker at the ap- 
 proach of death, and which, however it may surmount 
 the love of existence, in the heat of battle, or in the 
 moment of public observation, can seldom be expected 
 to operate with much force on the retired duties of a 
 private station. 
 
 In affirming that infidelity is unfavourable to the 
 higher class of virtues, we are supported as well by 
 facts as by reasoning. We should be sorry to load our 
 adversaries with unmerited reproach ; but to what his- 
 tory, to what record will they appeal for the traits of 
 moral greatness exhibited by their disciples. Where 
 shall we look for the trophies of infidel magnanimity, 
 or atheistical virtue ? Not that we mean to accuse them 
 of inactivity, they have recently filled the world with 
 the fame of their exploits ; exploits of a different kind 
 indeed, but of imperishable memory, and disastroics 
 lustre. 
 
 Though it is confessed that great and splendid actions 
 
133 
 
 are not the ordinary employment of life, but must, from 
 their nature, be reserved for high and eminent occa- 
 sions, yet that system is essentially defective which 
 leaves no room for their cultivation. They often save, 
 and always illustrate the age and nation in which they 
 appear. They raise the standard of morals ; they 
 arrest the progress of degeneracy ; they diffuse a lustre 
 over the path of life : — monuments of the greatness of 
 the human soul, they present to the world the august 
 image of virtue in her sublimest form, from which 
 streams of light and glory issue to remote times and 
 ages ; while their commemoration, by the pen of historians 
 and poets, awakens in distant bosoms the sparks of 
 kindred excellence. 
 
 Combine the frequent and familiar penetration of 
 atrocious deeds, with the dearth of great and generous 
 actions, and you have the exact picture of that condition 
 of society, which completes the degradation of the species. 
 Hitherto we have considered the influence of scepticism 
 on the principles of virtue, and have endeavoured to 
 shew that it despoils it of its dignity, and lays its autJwrity 
 in the dust. 
 
 Would our limits permit, we should proceed to trace 
 its influence on the formation of character, and to shew 
 that it tends to corrupt the moral taste, and promote the 
 growth of those vices which are most hostile to social 
 
 N 
 
134 'iv fcNBC&OTES. 
 
 happiness, namely, vanity, ferocity, and unbridled sen- 
 suality, but as this has been well executed by !\lr. Hall 
 of Leicester, in a sermon on modern infidelity, pub- 
 lished some years ago, and which furnished us with 
 the above powerful reasonings, we beg to refer the in- 
 quiring mind to it, promising both instruction and 
 delight from its profound and masterly reasoning, and 
 its brilliant and fascinating eloquence. 
 
 SCEPTICISM. 
 
 The term sceptic properly signifies considerative and 
 inquisitive, or one who is always weighing reasons on 
 the one side and the other, without ever deciding between 
 them. A system of philosophy thus founded on doubt 
 and clouded with uncertainty, could neither teach tenets 
 of any importance, nor prescribe a certain rule of con- 
 duct j and accordingly we find that the followers of 
 scepticism were guided entirely by chance. As they 
 could form no certain judgment respecting good and 
 evil, they accidentally learned the folly of eagerly pur- 
 suing any apparent good, or of avoiding any apparent 
 evil, and their minds of course settled into a state of 
 undisturbed tranquillity, the grand postulatiun of their 
 system. 
 
 1'lato refutes the great principle of the sceptics thus : 
 
135 
 
 — " When you say that all things are incomprehensible, 
 do you comprehend or conceive that they are thus incom- 
 prehensible, or do you not? If you do, then something 
 is comprehensible ; if you do not, there is no reason we 
 should believe you, since you do not comprehend your 
 own assertion." 
 
 Scepticism has not been confined entirely to the 
 ancients and to the followers of Pyrrho,* numerous 
 sceptics have arisen also in modern times, varying in 
 their principles, manners, and character, as chance, 
 prejudice, vanity, weakness, or indolence prompted 
 them. The great object, however, which they seem to 
 have in view, is to overturn, or at least to weaken the 
 evidence of analogy, experience, and testimony; though 
 some of them have even attempted to show that the 
 axioms of geometry are uncertain, and its demonstrations 
 inconclusive. This last attempt has not indeed been 
 often made, but the chief aim of Mr. Hume's philoso- 
 
 * An ancient sect of philosophers founded by Pyrrho, 
 who from the distinguishing tenets, or characteristics of 
 their philosophy, were called Aporetici, to doubt ; from 
 their suspension and hesitation they were called Ephectici, 
 to stay or keep back ; and lastly, they were called 
 Zetetici, or seekers, from their never getting beyond the 
 search of truth. 
 
!.')(> M l>M \ AM COOT] 5. 
 
 phical writings is to introduce doubts into every branch 
 of physics, metaphysics, history, ethics, and theology. 
 We may confidently refer our readers to very able refu- 
 tations of Mr. Hume's reasonings in behalf of modern 
 scepticism, by Drs. Beattie, Campbell, Gregory, and 
 Reid, who have also exposed the weakness of the scep- 
 tical reasonings of Des Cartes, Malebranche, and others 
 of the same school. 
 
 CREDIBILITY OF MIRACLES. 
 
 Time need not be thrown away in proving that the 
 miracles, as represented in the writings of the "New 
 Testament, were of such a nature, and performed before 
 so many witnesses, that no imposition could possibly 
 be practised on the senses of those who affirm that they 
 were present. From every page of the Gospel this is 
 so evident, that the philosophical adversaries of the 
 Christian faith never suppose the apostles to have been 
 themselves deceived, but boldly accuse them of bearing 
 false witness. But if this accusation be well founded, 
 their testimony itself is as great a miracle as any which 
 they record of themselves or of their master. The very 
 system of religion which they are thus said to have ih- 
 vented and resolved to impose upon mankind, was so 
 contrived, that the worldly prosperity of its first 
 
137 
 
 preachers, and even their exemption from persecution 
 was incompatible with its success. Had these clear pre- 
 dictions of the author of that religion under whom the 
 apostles acted only as ministers, not been verified, all 
 mankind must have instantly perceived that their pre- 
 tence to inspiration was false, and that Christianity was 
 a scandalous and impudent imposture. All this the 
 apostles could not but foresee when they formed their 
 plan for deluding the world, whence it follows, that 
 when they resolved to support their pretended revelation 
 by an appeal to forged miracles, they wilfully and 
 with their eyes open, exposed themselves to inevitable 
 misery, whether they should succ%ed or fail in their en- 
 terprise, and that they concerted their measures so as 
 not to admit of a possibility of recompense to themselves, 
 either in this life, or in that which is to come. But if 
 there be a law of nature, for the reality of which we 
 have better evidence than we have for others, it is " that 
 no man can choose misery for its own sake," or make 
 the acquisition of it the ultimate end of his pursuit. The 
 existence of other laws of nature we know by testimony 
 and our own observation of the regularity of their effects. 
 The existence of this law is made known to us, not only 
 by these means, but also by the still clearer and more 
 conclusive evidence of our own consciousness. Thus, 
 then, do miracles force themselves upon our assent in 
 n2 
 
188 BIDNEI ANFciiniF.s. 
 
 every possible view which we can take of this interest- 
 ing subject. If the testimony of the first preachers of 
 Christianity was true, the miracles recorded in the 
 Gospel were certainly performed, and the doctrines of 
 our religion are derived from heaven. On the other 
 hand, if that testimony was false, either God must have 
 miraculously effaced from the minds of those by whom 
 it was given, all the associations formed between their 
 sensible ideas and the words of language, or he must 
 have endowed those men with the gift of prescience, and 
 have impelled them to fabricate a pretended revelation 
 for the purpose of deceiving the world, and involving 
 themselves in certain and foreseen destruction. 
 
 The miracles recorded in the Gospel, if real, were 
 wrought in support of a revelation, which, in the opinion 
 of all by whom it is received, has brought to light many 
 important truths, which could not otherwise have been 
 made known to men, and which, by the confession of its 
 adversaries, contains the purest moral precepts by which 
 the conduct of mankind was ever directed. The oppo- 
 site series of miracles, if real, was performed to enable, 
 and even to compel a company of Jews of the lowest 
 rank and of the narrowest education, to fabricate, with 
 the view of inevitable destruction to themselves, a consistent 
 scheme of falsehood, and by an appeal to forged miracles 
 to impose it upon the world as a revelation from heaven. 
 
139 
 
 The object of the former miracles is worthy of a God of 
 infinite wisdom, goodness, and power. The object of 
 the latter is absolutely inconsistent with wisdom and 
 goodness, which are demonstrably attributes of that 
 .Being by whom alone miracles can be performed. 
 Whence it follows that the supposition of the apostles 
 bearing/a/se testimony to the miracles of their master, 
 implies a series of deviations from the laws of nature 
 infinitely less probable in themselves than those miracles ; 
 and therefore, by Mr. Hume's maxim, we must neces- 
 sarily reject the supposition oij'ahehood in the testimony, 
 and admit the reality of the miracles. So true is it, that 
 for the reality of the Gospel miracles, we have evidence 
 as convincing to the reflecting mind as those had who were 
 contemporary with Christ and his apostles, and were 
 actual witnesses to their mighty works. As much of 
 the discussion relative to miracles, according to the 
 channel into which it has been thrown by Hr. Hume 
 and his disciples, is made to turn upon the phrase, 
 " Laws of Nature ;" we must not forget to remark that 
 in this enquiry, nothing can consistently be meant by 
 the laws of nature but those laws by which the moral 
 and physical worlds are governed, and that since this 
 question respects altogether the moral government of 
 God, the moral laws of nature ought here to fall prin- 
 cipally under consideration. This consideration, how- 
 
140 UDM1Y ANt.uii 
 
 ever, is totally lost sight of, and the physical laws alone 
 regarded by Mr. Hume in estimating the credibility of 
 miracles, which is just as absurd as it would be to refer 
 solely to the laws of contracts, oaths, and promises, the 
 criteria of virtue and vice, and other moral principles, 
 in order to investigate a correct and unobjectionable 
 theory of physical astronomy. Considered, then, in this 
 point of view, it is evident that the extraordinary nature 
 of the fact is no ground for disbelief, provided such a 
 fact, morally contemplated, was from the condition of 
 man, become necessary ; — for in that case the Deity by 
 dispensing his assistance in proportion to our wants, 
 acted upon the same principle as in his more ordinary 
 occupations. For whatever the physical effects may be, 
 if their moral tendency be the same, they form a part of 
 the same moral law. Now in the events called miraculous, 
 the Deity is influenced by the same moral principle as 
 in his usual dispensations, and being induced by the 
 same motive to accomplish the same end, the laws of 
 God's moral government are not violated, such laws 
 being established by the motives and the ends produced, 
 and not by the means employed. In estimating, there- 
 fore, the credibility of a miracle, we look at the moral, 
 not the physical effect ; and it is on this account that 
 every unbiassed mind is compelled, almost antecedent to 
 any enquiry, to reject most of the pretended miracles of 
 
141 
 
 the Romish church. But estimating the miracles of 
 the apostolic age by this criterion, there cannot be found 
 the shadow of a reason for doubting them. In this 
 enquiry, too, it ought not to be forgotten that many of 
 the first adversaries of our religion, and those the most 
 formidable, never disputed the truth and reality of 
 miracles ; on the contrary, they mention them as having 
 been performed. The Jews themselves acknowledge 
 their reality. Julian and Celsus, two avowed enemies 
 of Christianity, amongst all the arts which they used to 
 destroy its credibility, ventured not to deny that our 
 Saviour and his apostles wrought miracles ; but ascribed 
 them to magic ! Facts confessed by those who had the 
 greatest interest in (levying them, ought to be admitted. 
 But such is the hardihood of unbelief, and the impene- 
 trability of the mind, when conviction must lead us to 
 an abandonment of practical as well as mental error, 
 that our modern infidels deny what the first unbelievers, 
 with all their superior means of information found 
 themselves obliged to admit. Magna est Veritas et 
 prevalebit. 
 
142 
 
 A CHRISTIAN PRECEPT, UNKNOWN 
 TO PHILOSOPHERS. 
 
 A remarkable precept of the Christian religion, new 
 and excellent, is, " Forgive your enemy." The wisest 
 moralists of the wisest ages and nations represented the 
 desire of revenge as the mark of a noble mind, and the 
 accomplishment of it as one of the chief felicities attendant 
 on a fortunate man. But how much more magnanimous f 
 how much more benefciul to mankind, is forgiveness ! 
 It is more magnanimous, because every genennis and 
 exalted disposition of the human mind is requisite to the 
 practice of it ; for these alone can enable us to bear the 
 wrongs and insults of wickedness and folly with 
 patience, and to look down on the perpetrators of them 
 with pity rather than with indignation ; these alone 
 can teach us that such are but a part of those sufferings 
 allotted to us in this state of probation, and to know that 
 to " overcome evil with good" is the most glorious of all 
 victories. It is the most benejicial, because this amiable 
 conduct alone can put an end to an eternal succession 
 of injuries and retaliations ; for every retaliation be- 
 comes a new injury, and requires another act of revenge 
 for satisfaction. But would we observe this salutary 
 precept, to love our enemies, and to do good to those 
 who despitefully use us, this obstinate benevolence would 
 
143 
 
 at last conquer the most inveterate hearts, and we should 
 have no enemies to forgive. 
 
 This noble and useful virtue is an obvious remedy for 
 most of the miseries of this life, and a necessary qualifi- 
 cation for the happiness of another. 
 
 JULIAN, SURNAMED THE APOSTATE, 
 HIS EVIDENCE 
 
 This Roman emperor was the younger son of Constan- 
 tius, brother of Constantine the Great, and was born at 
 Constantinople, A.D. 331. His education was liberal, and 
 he made an open and rather zealous profession of Christi- 
 anity, till his accession to the imperial throne, on the 
 death of Constantius his cousin, in 361 . He was no sooneT 
 become his own master than he threw off the mask, and 
 made a public avowal of paganism ; and though he did 
 not directly persecute the Christians, yet he endeavoured 
 all in his power to root out their religion. He stigma- 
 tized the followers of Jesus by the nickname of Gali- 
 leans, wrote several books against Christianity, and 
 connived at the cruelties which some of his governors 
 committed on their persons. He also caressed the Jews, 
 and promised to rebuild Jerusalem, and to make it the 
 imperial residence, by way of confuting the prophecies 
 of our Saviour. He accordingly set about building the 
 temple, but the design was defeated by the destruction 
 of the workmen, who were assaulted bv balls of fire 
 
144 IIDNE1 am ( DO! I v 
 
 issuing from the foundations. When this happened 
 Julian was at Antioch on an expedition against the 
 Persians, in which he was at first successful, but after 
 several partial engagements a general battle took place, 
 June 26th, 363, wherein Julian was mortally wounded, 
 and died on the ensuing night. Julian was a man of 
 great talents, but strangely bigoted to the religion of 
 paganism. His works were published in 2 vols, folio, 
 by Spanheim, in 1626. The works of Julian furnish 
 us with another instance in which the cause of divine 
 truth may be served by the attempts of an adversary to 
 injure it. Julian, who seemed desirous to say something 
 that might render the divinity of our Lord suspected, 
 argues that neither Matthew, Mark, Luke, nor Paul 
 himself, ever presumed to call him God, but that it was 
 St. John who talked after this manner. He says, that 
 M John perceiving how the persuasion of Christ's being 
 God prevailed mightily among the Christians dispersed 
 through many cities of Greece and Italy, did then take 
 upon him to assert the same doctrine in his Gospel, with 
 a view to humour them, and to get himself reputation. " 
 (Julian apud Cyril, L. 10, p. 327, Edit. Lips.) Here, 
 then, we have a plain confession from a vehement enemy, 
 a confession which (ridicule and banter apart) amounts 
 to this, that the generality of Christians, as early as the 
 apostolic age, were exceedingly zealous for the doctrine 
 of Christ's <ltunilu, ami that St. John himself commended 
 
Eszsa. 
 
 _!__ L.^.- 
 
145 
 
 them for it, encouraged them in it, and wrote his gospel 
 to confirm it. Since he could not disown the fact, he 
 endeavoured in his ludicrous way, to turn the whole into 
 ridicule. Now, how wrong soever he was in his obser- 
 vations, yet his concession deserves particular notice. 
 He not only acknowledges the divinity of our Lord as a 
 prevalent doctrine in the apostolic times, but he lets us 
 know that he took those writings, which in his time 
 bore the names of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul, 
 to be the genuine productions of those authors : hence 
 he was certainly very sensible that the evidences for the 
 genuineness of these books were at that period so very 
 clear and convincing that it would have been perfectly 
 scandalous for any one to have called them in question ; 
 otherwise he would have attacked the Christians after 
 another manner, and instead of citing these books in so 
 tame and innocent a way as he has done in the passage 
 above referred to, he would have exposed them as 
 so many pieces of shameful imposture, and the Chris- 
 tians as the worst of fools for thinking otherwise. — Good 
 and Gregory. ( See also p. 29. J 
 
 IMPIOUS ATTEMPT AT DIVIXE HONOURS. 
 A man in Lybia, named Psaphon, to whom nature had 
 been sufficiently indulgent in bestowing upon him ex- 
 o 
 
I 'Hi 
 
 traordinary accomplishments, the inward magnificence 
 ( f his mind expanding itself, and prompting him to it, 
 he used this subtle artifice to possess the inhabitants 
 about him with an opinion of his divinity ! Having 
 therefore taken a number of such birds as are capable 
 of the imitation of human speech, he taught them to 
 pronounce these words distinctly, " Psaphon is a great 
 god." This done, he set them all at liberty, who filled 
 the woods and places about with this ditty, which the 
 inhabitants hearing, and supposing this to fall out by 
 divine power, they fell to the adoration of him ! 
 
 Pumciias's Pilgrim. 
 
 Alexander the Great was very desirous to be ac- 
 counted a god, and boasted amongst the barbarians that he 
 was the son of Jupiter Ammon ; so that his mother Olym- 
 pius used to say, that her son Alexander never ceased 
 to calumniate her to Juno. P?ing once wounded, 
 u This," said he, " is blood, not thatic/tor which Homer 
 says is wpnt to flow from the gods." It is said, that 
 finding himself near unto death, he would privily have 
 cast himself into the river Euphrates, that being sud- 
 denly out of sight he might breed an opinion in men 
 that he was not departed as one overpressed with the 
 weight of a disease, but that he was ascended to the 
 gods from whence he first came ; and when Koxana, 
 
IVP1ETY. 147 
 
 having understood his mind, went about to hinder him, 
 he sighing said, " Woman, dost thou envy me the glory of 
 immortality and divinity V — Plutarch. 
 
 SIR WILLIAM JONES AN EXAMPLE. 
 
 This eminent man was the son of William Jones, a 
 skilful mathematician, and an intimate friend of the 
 immortal Newton, and others eminent in that science ; 
 he was born in September 1746. His capacity for the 
 acquisition of languages has never been excelled ; yet 
 his judgment was too discerning to consider language 
 in any other light than as the key of science. Knowledge 
 and truth were the objects of all his studies, and his 
 ambition was to be useful to mankind. With these views 
 he extended his researches to all languages, nations, 
 and times. There were in truth few sciences in which 
 he had not acquired considerable proficiency ; in most 
 his knowledge was profound. To a proficiency in the 
 languages of Greece, Rome, and Asia, he added the 
 knowledge of the philosophy of those countries, and of 
 every thing curious that had been taught in them. The 
 doctrines of the Academy, the Lyceum, or the Portico, 
 were not more familiar to him than the tenets of the 
 Vedas, the mysticism of the Sasis, or the religion of the 
 ancient Persians ; and whilst with a kindred genius he 
 
148 MONEY ANL( LH 
 
 perused with rapture the heroic, lyric, or moral compo- 
 sitions of the most renowned poets of Greece, Rome, 
 and Asia, he could turn with equal delight and know- 
 ledge to the sublime speculations, or the mathematical 
 calculations of Barrow and Newton. With them also 
 he professed his conviction of the truth of the Christian 
 religion; and he justly deemed it no inconsiderable 
 advantage that his researches had corroborated the mul- 
 tiplied evidence of Revelation, by confirming the Mosaic 
 account of the primitive world. 
 
 As president of the Asiatic Society, his death was 
 much lamented by that body, as well as by all others. 
 Lord Teignmouth on that event, which took place in 
 1794, thus addressed the Society : — " Of the private and 
 social virtues of our lamented president our hearts are 
 the best records. To you who knew him it cannot be 
 necessary for me to expatiate on the independence of 
 his integrity, his humanity, probity, or benevolence, 
 which every 'living creature participated ; on the affa- 
 bility of his conversation and manners, or his modest, 
 unassuming deportment ; nor need I remark that he was 
 totally free from pedantry, as well as from arrogance and 
 self-sufficiency, which sometimes accompany and disgrace 
 the greatest abilities. His presence was the delight of 
 every society, which his conversation exhilarated and 
 improved ; and the public have not only to lament the 
 
149 
 
 loss of his talents and abilities, but that of his example. 
 He was not an illiterate believer in divine revelation, 
 but felt and exhibited its influence. ,, 
 
 TRUE PHILOSOPHY REJECTS ATHEISM. 
 
 Cicero represents it as a probable opinion that they 
 who apply themselves to the study of philosophy believe 
 there are no gods ; this must doubtless be meant of the 
 Academic philosophy, to which Cicero himself was 
 attached, and which doubted of every thing. On the 
 contrary, the Newtonian philosophers are continually 
 recurring to a Deity, whom they always find at the end 
 of their chain of natural causes. Some foreigners have 
 charged them with making too much use of the notion 
 of a God in philosophy, contrary to the rule of Horace 
 Nee Deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus. Among 
 us the philosophers have been the principal advocates 
 for the existence of a Deity. Witness the writings of 
 Sir Isaac Newton, Boyle, Ray, Cheyne, Nieuwent, 
 Euler, Hartley, Robison, and others. To which we 
 may add others who, though of the clergy (as was also 
 Ray), yet have distinguished themselves by their philo- 
 sophical pieces in behalf of the existence of a God, viz. 
 Derham, Bentley, Whiston, Clark (Samuel and John), 
 Fenelon, Paley, &c. So true is that saying of Lord 
 
150 B1DN1 V AM ( DO I I 3. 
 
 Bacon, that " though a smattering of philosophy may 
 lead a man into atheism, a deep draught will certainly 
 brinix him back again into the belief of a God and Pro- 
 vidence. " 
 
 LABADIE, AN IMMORAL ENTHUSIAST. 
 
 John Labadie was born in 1610, and educated in 
 the Jesuit's College at Bordeaux. He afterwards entered 
 of the order, but quitted it in 1639, and became a 
 zealous preacher. His affected piety procured him 
 many admirers, and he became canon of the cathedral 
 at Amiens, which place he was compelled to leave on 
 account of some amours. In 1666 he began to publish 
 his peculiar doctrines with great boldness, in which he 
 set aside the Scriptures, and all outward worship, resolving 
 the whole of religion into spiritual feeling, and mental 
 prayer ! One of his principal followers was Anna 
 Schurman, who attended him in all his perigrinations 
 until his death. He caused great disturbances in the 
 United Provinces by his notions, which spread like 
 wildfire, and those who held them were called Laba- 
 dists. After having been expelled from various places, 
 he went to settle at Altena, in llolstein, where he died 
 in 1674. He published several works, but they are not 
 worth enumerating. 
 
151 
 
 LALANDE, AN IMPIOUS ASTRONOMER ! ! 
 
 Joseph Lalande, the eminent French astronomer, was 
 born at Bourg, July 11, A. D. 1732. He was destined 
 to the bar, but the>ight of the observatory at Paris de- 
 veloped the propensity which became the ruling passion 
 of his life. He progressively was made a member of the 
 Institute and Professor of Astronomy in the College of 
 France, and a member of the Legion of Honour. The 
 high consideration which he obtained, would, probably, 
 with prudence and circumspection, have secured him an 
 enviable lot to the end of his days ; but the habit of 
 speaking his mind, which he did not lay aside in the 
 most stormy times, and upon topics where he might, nay, 
 ought, to have been silent, together with the bluntness 
 with which he sometimes refuted the established systems 
 of others, animated against him a host of detractors, 
 who proceeded so far as to call in question his undoubt- 
 ed merits. His long and durable services, in matters 
 of science, were thus in a measure forgotten, or lost 
 sight of, in the contemplation of his dangerous specula- 
 tions, and of the imprudent zeal with which he promul- 
 gated his opinions. Those who knew him well, affirm, 
 that if any of the French infidels, of late, was decidedly 
 an atheist, Lalande was doubtless such ; and that 
 atheistical opinions, when embraced by a man of exces- 
 sive garrulity and overweening vanity, would be injurious 
 
152 BIDNI v 4 NEC DOTES. 
 
 in thuir effects, both upon himself and upon others, 
 needs no proof. He was, in fact, as much noted for 
 his pro/oneness as for his talents — a species of distinction 
 which, we hope, few other astronomers will emulate. 
 
 He was an excellent astronomer and an active promoter 
 of that science •, but he possessed little taste, and a very 
 confined knowledge of mathematics in general. He 
 considered himself, however, as the father of the mathe- 
 matical sciences generally ; and, at his death, in 1807 
 he founded the prize of a medal, which the Institute 
 annually awards to the author of the best astronomical 
 memoir, or the maker of the most curious observation. 
 
 He published, and also edited, various works; and, 
 in 1802, published a little collection for the pocket, of 
 Ta-bles of Logarithms, Signs, and Tangents, on the plan 
 of Lacaille, but much inferior to them. 
 
 We query, however, whether Laplace thought half 
 so highly of his " Mecanique Celeste," as poor Lalande 
 did of his meagre book of Tables. 
 
 In 1802 M. Lalande published a new edition of 
 IMontucla's History of Mathematics, in 4 vols. 4to., the 
 two latter volumes being prepared from Montucla's 
 papers, with the assistance of Laplace, Lacroix, and 
 Others. The fourth volume has the portrait of Lalande, 
 as a frontispiece, with the following motto : — 
 
153 
 
 " Du Ciel devenu son empire, 
 
 Sou genie a perce les vastes profondeurs ; 
 
 Mais il regne encore sur nos coeurs, 
 
 Et nous l'aimons autant que l'univers 1'admire." 
 
 11 An undevout astronomer is mad." 
 
 MR. GIBBON'S TESTIMONY TO THE CON- 
 SISTENT PIETY OF THE REV. MR. WIL- 
 LIAM LAW. 
 
 Mr. Gibbon, with whose aunts the Rev. W. Law, 
 author of the "Serious Call to a Devout and Holy 
 Life," lived, gives the following character of him and 
 his writings : — 
 
 " Mr. Law died at an advanced age, of a suppression 
 of urine, in 1761, at the house of Mrs. Hesther Gibbon, 
 known by the name of the Cliffe, in Northamptonshire, 
 where she still resides. In that family, he has left the 
 reputation of a worthy and eminently pious man, who 
 believed all that he professed, and practised all that he en- 
 joined. The character of a nonjuror, which he held to 
 the last, is a sufficient evidence of the tenaciousness of 
 his principles in church and state, and the sacrifice of 
 his interests to his conscience will always be respectable. 
 His theological writings, which our domestic concerns 
 
l.'i I MUM J Wl < Mil tS. 
 
 induced me to read, preserve an amiable, though imper- 
 fect, sort of life, in my opinion; but here, perhaps, 1 
 pronounce with more confidence than knowledge. His 
 last compositions seemed tinctured too much with the 
 mystic enthusiasm of Jacob Behmen, and his discou 
 on the absolute unlawfulness of the stage, may be call- 
 ed a ridiculous intemperance of sentiment and language. 
 But these sallies of phrenzy must not extinguish the praise 
 that is due to Mr. Law as a wit and a scholar. His ar- 
 gument on topics of less absurdity" (our readers will 
 bear in mind that Mr. Gibbon thought all religion 
 absurd) "are specious and acute, his manner is lively, 
 his style forcible and clear, and had not the vigour of 
 his mind been clouded by enthusiasm, he might be 
 ranked with the most agreeable and ingenious writers of 
 the times. 
 
 *' While the Bangorian controversy was a fashionable 
 theme, he entered the lists. lie resumed the contest 
 again with Bishop Hoadly, in which his non-juring 
 principles appear, though he approves himself equal to 
 both prelates. On the appearance of the " Fable of the 
 Bees" he drew his pen against the licentiousness of the 
 doctrine of that writer, and morality and religion must re- 
 joice in his applause and victory! Mr. Law's master- 
 piece, the ' Serious Cell/ is still read as a popular and 
 powerful book of devotion. His precepts are rigid, but 
 
155 
 
 they are formed and derived from the gospel ; his satire 
 is sharp, but his icisdom is from the knowlege of human 
 life, and many of his portraits are not unworthy the pen 
 of La Bruyere. If there yet exists a spark of piety in 
 the reader's mind, he will soon kindle it to a flame, and 
 a philosopher must allow that he is more consistent in 
 his principles than any of the tribe of mystic writers. 
 
 "He handles, with equal severity and truth, the 
 strange contradiction between faith and practice in the 
 Christian world. Under the names of Flavia and Mi- 
 randa, he has admirably described Mr. Gibbon's two 
 aunts, the worldly and the pious sisters." 
 
 To this we might add the testimony of Dr. John- 
 son, of Mrs. Hannah More, and others ; but, after the 
 opinion of such a learned sceptic, who, in this instance, 
 speaks from conviction, these may be deemed unneces- 
 sary. 
 
 ANTHONY COLLINS, A FREETHINKER. 
 
 Anthony Collins, an English writer of some note, was 
 born near Hounslow, in 1676. He was educated at 
 Eton, and at King's College, Cambridge ; whence he 
 removed to the Temple as a student, but did net follow 
 the profession. 
 
 He applied himself to letters, and published a dis- 
 
15<> IIDNB1 A N I r r,oi h, 
 
 course on u Freethinking, " and another on the " C rou ids 
 and Reasons of the Christian Religion," both of which 
 occasioned much controversy. In 1726 he published 
 his " Scheme of Literal Prophecy Considered," which 
 was attacked by several able writers, and defended by 
 the author, who died of the stone, in 1729 ; he published 
 also, "Priestcraft in Perfection;" "An Historical 
 Essay upon the Thirty-nine Articles of Religion ;" u A 
 Philosophical Enquiry, concerning Human Liberty," 
 which was answered by Dr. Samuel Clarke, and most 
 of his other pieces were ably refuted by Dr. Leland. 
 He cultivated the acquaintance of ingenious men, 
 among whom was the celebrated Mr. Locke, who left 
 a letter to be delivered, after his decease, to Collins, 
 which was full of affection and good advice. 
 
 COLLINS, THE POET'S SMALL LIBRARY. 
 
 Dr. Johnson relates, that when he visited the author 
 of the Ode on the Passions, during one of his illnesses 
 at Islington, he found him with a book in his hand. On 
 taking it up out of curiosity, to see what companion a 
 M man of letters" had chosen. M I have but one book," 
 said Collins, u but that is the best." It was, in fact, a 
 New Testament, such as children carry to school. 
 
IMPIETY. 157 
 
 COXDORCET, AN UXPIIILOSOPHICAL PHI- 
 LOSOPHER. 
 This French philosopher was bom at Ribemont, in 
 Picardy, in 1743, of a noble family, from whom he 
 derived the title of Marquis ; he was educated at the 
 College of Navarre, and having a strong predilection for 
 mathematics, he soon distinguished himself among the 
 geometricians. In 1769 he was chosen member of the 
 Academy, and continued to publish several works on 
 mathematical and philosophical subjects, the latter of 
 which were of a dangerous tendency, as striking at the 
 root of all religion, natural and revealed. In 1773 he 
 became secretary to the Academy : he wrote the admired 
 lives of Voltaire and Turgot ; and, in 1791, on his be- 
 coming a member of the National Assembly, he applied 
 himself almost wholly to political affairs. To his honour 
 it is recorded, that he opposed the sanguinary proceed- 
 ings towards his king. Robespierre having obtained 
 the ascendancy, Condorcet being marked out as one of 
 the victims, concealed himself for some days in Paris, 
 and then went to the house of a friend at Fontenai, 
 whom not finding at home, he, in a state of great sus- 
 pense, spent one night in a quarry, and a second under 
 a tree in an open field. On the third day he was seized 
 and committed to prison as a suspicious person, in order 
 to be sent to Paris : but he was found dead in his bed 
 
the next norning, March 28, 1794. Thus miserably 
 perished one of the finest writers of the last century. 
 
 Lalande describes his private character as easy, quiet, 
 kind, and obliging ; but his behaviour to Diderot, when 
 dying, displayed, instead of the milk of human kindness, 
 the malignity of a fiend.* Neither his conversation nor 
 his external deportment bespoke the fire of his genius. 
 D'Alcmbert used to compare him to a volcano, covered 
 
 * The conduct here alluded to occurred in 1784, 
 when Diderot, in a state of decline, and feeling the 
 near approach of death, on the suggestion of his faith- 
 ful servant, sent for Iff. de Farsac, cure de St. Sulpice, 
 to whom he was preparing to make a recantation of his 
 errors. At this critical time Condorcet and other adepts 
 now crowded about the dying penitent, and falsely per- 
 suaded him that he only wanted the country air to rein- 
 state him in health. For some time he resisted their 
 attempts to bring him back to atheism ; but at last he 
 was prevailed upon to leave such dangerous company, 
 and they had him secretly conveyed to the country, 
 where he died on the 2d day of July. The body was as 
 secretly conveyed back to Paris, and they promulgated 
 the report that he died suddenly on rising from the 
 table, without remorse, and his atheistical principles 
 unshaken \—(8t€ " Di<k >\t." > 
 
IMPIETY. 159 
 
 with snow. He had a latent weakness, however, of con- 
 stitution, which often made him the dupe of men alto- 
 gether unworthy of his regard. It was during the pe- 
 riod of his concealment at Paris, uncertain of a day's 
 existence, that he wrote his u Sketch of the Progress of 
 the Human Mind ;" a production which undoubtedly 
 displays great genius, though it contains some of the 
 most extravagant paradoxes that ever fell from the pen 
 of a philosopher. Among other wonderful things, the 
 author inculcates the possibility, if not the probability, 
 that the nature of man may be improved to absolute per- 
 fection in body and mind, and his eiistence in this world 
 protracted to immortality ! So firmly does he seem to 
 have been persuaded of the truth of this unphiloso- 
 phical opinion, that he set himself seriously to consider 
 how men should conduct themselves when the popula- 
 tion should become too great for the quantity of food 
 which the earth can produce, and the only way which 
 he could find for counteracting this evil was, to check 
 population by promiscuous concubinage, and other prac- 
 tices, with an account of which we will not sully our 
 pages. 
 
ItJO >1]>M N \M( KOI I >. 
 
 DIONYSIl B DJEDEROT, HIS INCONSISTENCY 
 AND REPENTANCE. 
 
 This industrious French writer was born at Langres 
 in 1713, anil settled at Paris early in life, where his wit 
 and talents procured him many friends. Besides various 
 other works, he supplied all the articles on trade and the 
 arts for the great work entitled u Dictionnaire Encyclo- 
 paedique." In the major part of his other works he kept 
 one grand object in view, the propagation of deistical 
 principles and sophisms. 
 
 During most of his life he was a decided atheist, and 
 was pretty active in disseminating his notions. He was 
 assisted by D'Alembert and others, who, when the inien- 
 tion of Diderot was too plain and open, threw a mist over 
 it, that the design might not be so palpable as to defeat it- 
 self. Although he published and wrote much, he never 
 acquired riches, and his means being straitened, an expe- 
 dient was devised for their improvement. 
 
 He had long been in correspondence with Catherine 
 of Russia, whom he persuaded that he was one of the 
 first of economists. To her he had represented that his 
 library was one of the most valuable in Europe ; and 
 when the empress wanted to purchase it, and make him 
 librarian, he replied, that his constitution could not 
 bear the coldness of a northern climate. She then 
 offered to allow him to keep it during his life-time in 
 
IMFILIY. lol 
 
 Paris, and she bought 4 it on these conditions at an im- 
 mense price ! 
 
 When her ambassador required to inspect it, after a 
 year or two's payments, and the visitation could no 
 longer be put off, Diderot was compelled to have recourse 
 to all the booksellers' shops in Germany to fill his empty 
 shelves with old volumes. He was so far fortunate as to 
 save appearances ; but the finesse was exposed through 
 his niggardliness to the ambassador's secretary. This 
 did not deter him from visiting Catherine, to whom he 
 told a poor story, in hopes of getting his daughter mar- 
 ried with parade, and patronised by the empress ; but 
 the scheme was seen through, and he was disappointed. 
 
 In 1784 his health began to decline, and one of his 
 domestics perceiving his death near, mentioned to him 
 his apprehensions, and urged affectionately the import- 
 ance of preparing for another world. He listened to 
 this attentively, thanked his monitor, and promised to 
 consider of what he advised. Some time afterwards he 
 desired that a priest should be sent for, when the servant 
 introduced M. de Farsac, cure de St. Sulpice. Diderot 
 saw this ecclesiastic several times, and was preparing to 
 make a recantation of his errors, when Condorcet and 
 others, fearing the effect of the change of his belief 
 gaining publicity, now crowded about him, and inhu- 
 manly hurried him away secretly into the country, where 
 p2 
 

 lti'2 BIDNBT AVICAOTBtt 
 
 he shortly after died, beyond the reach or knowledge of 
 the pious cure, who might have afforded him consolation 
 in his last hour. — (See note to Condorcet.) 
 
 Diderot seemed to have had considerable knowledge 
 of mathematics, metaphysics, and the belles lettres, and 
 has been highly praised for his frankness ; bat, except 
 his frank avowal of atheism, we do not see what claim 
 he has to the character. M. Bauze coming one day into 
 his house, found him explaining to his daughter a chap- 
 ter of the gospel history. On expressing his surprise at 
 this conduct, Diderot said, u J* en tend ce que vous voulez 
 dire; mais a fund, quelles meillures lecons pourreis je lui 
 dunner ou trouveraije mieuxV It was a common saying 
 of Diderot's, that between him and his dog, " il n'y 
 avoit de difference que habit," In uttering this senti- 
 ment, he did not resemble Pope's Indian with untutored 
 mind, 
 
 " Who thinks, admitted to that equal sky, 
 His faithful dog shall bear him company." 
 
 The Indian hopes to carry his dog with him to heaven - r 
 but Diderot hoped to die like a dog, and to be as if he 
 had not been. 
 
IMPIETY. 163 
 
 SOAME JENYNS, HIS CONVICTION. 
 
 This ingenious English writer was born in London in 
 1704, was educated at Cambridge, and was elected M. P. 
 for that university in 1741, and continued a member of 
 that house until the year 1780, when the Board of Trade, 
 of which he had been appointed one of the lords, was 
 abolished. In early life, Mr. Jenyns was of a religious 
 turn of mind, but afterwards he wandered into deism. 
 More close and minute inquiry led him to see the dan- 
 gerous nature of scepticism, which he renounced, and 
 continued a firm believer and a pious Christian until his 
 death, which took place in 1787. He published, 1st, 
 Poems, 2 vols. 12mo. ; 2nd, A Free Inquiry into the 
 Origin of Evil, 12mo. ; 3rd, Political Tracts ; and, 
 lastly, A View of the Internal Evidence of the Christian 
 Religion, 12mo., which evinces considerable knowledge 
 and research, as well as his own conviction of the truth 
 of that religion which he was, at one period of his life, 
 inclined to doubt. 
 
 PORPHYRIUS. 
 
 Porphyrius, the Platonic philosopher, was born at 
 Tyre, in A. D. 233, in the reign of Alexander Severus. 
 He was the disciple of Longinus, and became the orna- 
 ment of his school at Athens ; from thence he went to 
 
mi>nl\ I NEC DC 
 
 Home, and attended Plotinus, with whom he lived six 
 years. After the death of Plotinus, he taught philoso- 
 phy at Rome with great applause, and became well 
 skilled in polite literature, geography, astronomy, and 
 music. lie lived till the end of the third century, and 
 died in the reign of Dioclesian. 
 
 He composed a large treatise against the Christian 
 religion, which is lost. This was answered by Metho- 
 dias, bishop of Tyre, and by Eusebius, Appolinarius, 
 St. Augustine, St. Jerome, St. Cyril, and Theodoret. 
 The emperor Theodosius the Great caused Porphyrius's 
 book to be burned in 338. There are still extant his 
 book on the Categories of Aristotle ; a treatise on absti- 
 nence from flesh ; and several other pieces in Greek. 
 Those were printed at Cambridge, in 8vo., in 1655, 
 with a Latin version. 
 
 Dr. Enfield says, M Porphyrius was, it must be owned, 
 a writer of deep erudition, and, had his judgment been 
 equal to his learning, he would have deserved a distin- 
 guished place among the ancients. But neither the 
 splendour of his diction, nor the variety of his reading, 
 can atone for the credulity, or the dishonesty, which filled 
 the narrative parts of his works with so many extrava- 
 gant tales, or interest the judicious reader in the abstruse 
 subtleties and mystical flights of his philosophical 
 writirr 
 
IMPIETY. 165 
 
 CHRISTIANITY THE MOST PERFECT SYS- 
 TEM OF ETHICS. 
 
 We undertake to show, that from the New Testament 
 may be collected not only the doctrines of religion, but 
 also a system of ethics, in which every moral precept 
 founded on reason is carried to a higher degree of purity 
 and perfection than ever before ; that every moral pre- 
 cept founded on false principles is totally omitted, and 
 many new precepts added, peculiarly corresponding with 
 the new object of this religion ; that such a system of 
 religion and morality could not possibly have been the 
 work of any man, or set of men, and that therefore it 
 must undoubtedly have been effected by the interposition 
 of Divine power. — Jenyns's Evidences. 
 
 " Whence, but from heaven, should men, unskilled in 
 arts, 
 In different nations born, in different parts 
 Weave such agreeing truths ?— or how ? or why ? 
 Should all conspire to cheat us with a lie ? 
 I nask'd their pains, ungrateful their advice, 
 Starving their gains, and martyrdom their price.*' 
 
 Dryden. 
 
It)t> SI DM Y \\L< DO 
 
 DAVID HUMES BIOGRAPIIEK. 
 HIS ATTEMPT TO PROVE HIS CONSISTENCY. 
 
 In 1776 was published a letter of Dr. Adam Smith's, 
 giving some account of the death of the Scottish philo- 
 sopher. The object of it was to show that Mr. Hume, 
 notwithstanding his sceptical principles, had died with 
 the utmost composure, and that in his life as well as at 
 his death he had conducted himself as became one of 
 the wisest and best of men. The letter is very much 
 laboured, and yet does no honour either to the author or 
 his friend. It could not represent Mr. Hume as sup- 
 porting himself under the gradual decay of nature with 
 the hopes of a happy immortality ; but it might have repre- 
 sented him as taking refuge with other infidels, in the 
 eternal sleep of death. This, though but a gloomy pros- 
 pect, would not have been childish ; but the hero of the 
 tale is exhibited as talking like a school-boy of his con- 
 ferences with Charon, and his reluctance to go into the 
 Stygian ferry-boat, and is consoling himself with the 
 thought of leaving all his friends, and his brother's 
 family in particular, in great prosperity. 
 
 The absurdities of this letter did not escape the watch- 
 ful and penetrating eye of Dr. Horne, and as he could 
 not mistake its object, he held it up to the contempt and 
 • 'ciision of the religious world, in " A Letter to Adam 
 
167 
 
 Smith, LL. D., on the life, death, and philosophy of 
 his friend David Hume, Esq., by one of the people 
 called Christians." The reasoning of this little tract is 
 clear and conclusive; while its keen though good-humour- 
 ed wit is inimitable. This, in a few years afterwards, was 
 followed by a series of " Letters on Infidelity/' com- 
 posed on the same plan, and with much of the same 
 spirit. This little volume, to the second edition of 
 which the letter to Dr. Smith was prefixed, is better 
 calculated than almost any other with which we are 
 acquainted, to guard the minds of youth against the insi- 
 dious strokes of infidel ridicule — the only dangerou* 
 weapon which infidelity has to wield. 
 
 Mr. T. E. Ritchie, also, in his life of Mr. Hume, has 
 carefully recorded Dr. Smith's account of Mr. Hume's 
 M sportive disposition, notwithstanding the prospect of 
 speedy dissolution, " with the various sublime particulars 
 of Charon and his ferry-boat ! 
 
 Mr. Hume was born at Edinburgh in 1711, and died 
 in 1776 j and a monument is conspicuous on Calton 
 Hill, where it is said he desired to be buried, on an ele- 
 vated spot, in order that, like Mr. Tilly, of Pentilly 
 House, he might be nearer to heaven than others when 
 the last trumpet should sound ! 
 
B1DN1 1 ami DO! l S. 
 
 JE \N FRANCOIS DE LA 11AUPP, A PENI- 
 TENT [NFIDEL. 
 
 This accomplished and elegant scholar and writer 
 was born at Paris, on the 20th of November, 1739. 
 His father, who was a captain of Artillery, died while 
 he was young, leaving him in a state of extreme poverty ; 
 but he found a friend in M. Asselin, principal of the 
 College of llarcourt, who received him among his 
 pupils. He soon gave promise of eminence by his 
 literary productions, which attracted much notice, and 
 almost at the same moment he succeeded to the honours 
 of the theatre and the academy, by a successful drama 
 and a prize essay. He wrote tragedies, odes, epistles, 
 &C, but let him be stripped of all these and let us view 
 him as a critic. " How," says M. Galliard, " has he 
 graced and ennobled that function of journalist which 
 so many before and after him have degraded." 
 
 That which put the stamp on the literary reputation 
 of de la Harpe, was his " Cours de Litterature, An- 
 cienne et Moderne," which justly entitles him to the 
 honourable appellation of the French Quintilian ! 
 M. Petitot says, that here " he always assumes the tone 
 of the work he criticises, a merit we rind in none of the 
 ancients, except Cicero, Quintilian, and Longinus," 
 — and concludes an elegant panegyric, thus: — " Rf. 
 de Harpe arrived at the ige of Francis I. and Louis 
 
tMMETT. 169 
 
 XIV. ; he sports with Marot, rises with Malherbe, 
 sheds the sweet perfume of Racine's poetry, reasons 
 with Pascal, imitates the insinuating graces of Fenelon, 
 and, if he cannot assume all the grandeur of Bossuet, 
 approaches, at least, by a more elevated style the energy 
 and vigour of the greatest of Christian orators." The 
 qualities that distinguish M. de la Harpe, as a writer, 
 are, " an immense erudition, the art of identifying him- 
 self with his subject, a colouring that may be always 
 felt ; luminous views ; a clearness of expression arising 
 from the distinct and natural order of his ideas, 6cc. ^:c. 
 On his first success in literature, he was patronised by 
 Voltaire and D'Alembert, the former of whom gave him 
 the amiable title of his favourite pupil, after whose 
 death he inherited part of his fame. On the subsequent 
 demise of others, his contemporaries, he was left almost 
 without a rival in the republic of letters. The adminis- 
 trators of the Lyceum appointed him to deliver the lec- 
 tures of that institution, which school of taste became 
 the most distinguished theatre of his glory. Here his 
 infirm state of health induced him to confine his labours 
 for some years before the Revolution. When that 
 awful hour arrived he endeavoured, but in vain, to attract 
 to the Lyceum the partizans of literature. With other 
 well-disposed persons he joined in sentiments for the 
 good of his country, but would accept of no public 
 
170 n a\m in 
 
 office, preferring the discharge of his literary functions. 
 He has been asked, why he did not see the approach of 
 the horrors of that day ? 
 
 AY hat innccent man could have foreseen them ? He 
 has been reproached with changing his opinion. Who 
 is there that has not modified his during these unhappy 
 convulsions 1 No one can say that he ever applauded 
 these horrors, for having succeeded in unmasking the 
 ferocious character of the sanguinary Robespierre, he 
 was consigned to a dungeon where he long remained in 
 a state of uncertainty, whether he should live or die. 
 
 Here he had leisure to lament the follies of the hu- 
 man race, and here he found, in his happy experience 
 the soothing consolations of religion, and now adopted 
 the resolution of devoting the remainder of his days to 
 her service, and show to the world, that he who had been 
 a despiser of Christianity, a ridiculer of its mysteries, 
 and a bosom companion of those who sat " in the chair 
 of the scorner," had been chosen as a monument of 
 mercy, and turned from the error of his ways. 
 
 La Harpe had the happiness to find that he was for- 
 gotten in his confinement, and he was liberated from his 
 prison house shortly after the 9th Thermidor. 
 
 He now appeared again at the Lyceum, and it was 
 remarked that misfortune and piety had given a new 
 energy lo his eloquence ; and in the midst of a numer- 
 
171 
 
 ous audience he boldly and ingenuously renounced his 
 former erroneous opinions. 
 
 He was scarcely restored to the society of his fellow 
 citizens, when he placed himself courageously as a sen- 
 tinel to guard against the return of so many calamities. 
 In this spirit he dictated various works respecting pro- 
 jects of laws, which had created alarms. One of the 
 greatest scourges that had been produced by the general 
 disorder of this demoralizing epoch, was that gross and 
 ferocious language which was hastening France with 
 rapid strides towards a state of savage barbarism. La 
 Harpe repelled the innovators in style with the power- 
 ful arms of reason, taste, and eloquence ; but ignorance 
 could not brook that zeal which displayed her in her 
 natural colours. 
 
 A fresh storm drove him to seek an asylum in a spot 
 impenetrable to all but a faithful friendship. Being 
 here deprived of exercise, the effect was very visible 
 when he again appeared in public after the 18th Bru- 
 maire. His health now, therefore, sensibly declined, 
 and he exchanged the cares and anxieties of this life 
 for the enjoyment of that to come, on the 11th February, 
 1803, in the sixty-fifth year of his age. 
 
173 
 
 BIDNE1 ANECDOTES* 
 
 INFIDEL ENTHUSIASM. 
 
 The propagators of infidelity in France previous to 
 the revolution, were so assiduous in spreading it far and 
 wide that they annually expended i?900,000 sterling 
 in purchasing, printing, and distributing deistical and 
 other books, in order to corrupt the minds of the people, 
 and prepare them for desperate measures. Knowing 
 this fact, we need not wonder at the horrible scenes of 
 anarchy, confusion, and cruelty, that afterwards were 
 exhibited, by which every human tie and sacred obli- 
 gation was dissolved, and their natures seemed changed 
 from human to the most brutal. 
 
INDEX TO PART II. 
 
 Page 
 
 Agrippa, Impiety and Pride of, ... 80 
 
 Alphonsus of Spain, Impious Speech of, - - - 86 
 
 Atheism, a Refuge for the Vicious - - -22 
 
 Atheist, An Impenitent - - - - 9*2 
 
 Atheists, to Professed (Foster) - - - 22 
 
 Bible, the Origin and Preserver of the Learning at present 
 
 in the world - - - - - 86 
 
 Blasphemy Punished - - - - - 26 
 
 Boyle, the Hon. Robert - - - 108 
 
 Bunyan's Life and Experience - - - 53 
 
 Cambyses, Impiety of - - - - 94 
 
 Cardinal Saying - - - - - 97 
 
 Celsus, his Evidence to Christianity - - - 119 
 
 Christian Precept, a, unknown to Philosophers - - 142 
 
 Christianity the most perfect System of Ethics - - 165 
 
 Christianity and Mahometanism Compared - - 6 
 
 Collins, Anthony, a freethinker - - - 155 
 
 , the Poet's Small Library - - -156 
 
 Condorcet, an Unphilosophical Philosopher - - 157 
 
 Consolations of Piety in Impious Times - - 63 
 
 Cottager's Consolation, the - - - - 35 
 
 Conversion by ridicule - - - 91 
 
 Covetous and Impious General - - - 100 
 
 Deism delineated (Gregorys - 126 
 
 Dionysius's Sacrilege - - - 9L> 
 
INDIA 
 
 Pagr 
 
 DkwiyikM Diderot, his Comiateacy ami Repentance - 160 
 
 Divine Honours, Impious Attempt at - 14. r » 
 
 Barly Impitty, Danger of - - - 24 
 
 Evidences of Christianity (Wilberforce) - - 103 
 
 (Paley) - - - 105 
 
 (Henry) - - - ib. 
 
 (Massillon) - - - ib. 
 
 Folly of Atheism (Darwin) - - - 65 
 Franklin, Dr. - - - - 33 
 , his Dying Advice - - - 34 
 
 Gibbon, Life of, &c. - - - - - 114 
 
 's Testimony to the Consistent Piety of the Rev. Mr. 
 
 Law ...... 153 
 
 Harpe (J. F. de la), a Penitent . - 168 
 
 Heliogabulus, Impiety of - - -97 
 
 Hobbes, the Philosopher of Malmsbury - - - 70 
 
 , Dr. Wallis's Remarks on - - - 110 
 
 Home's Biographer, his Attempt to prove his Consistency - 166 
 
 Philosophy - - - - 18 
 
 Scepticism - - - - - IS 
 
 Jean Francois de la Harpe, a Penitent Inf del - - 168 
 
 Impiety Checked - - - - - 73 
 
 and Crime Associates - - - ■ 79 
 
 and Rebellion Cruelly Punished - - - 103 
 
 Impious Assumption of Divinity (Domitian) - - 84 
 
 (Caligula) - - 85 
 
 Attempt at Divine Honours (Psaphon) - - 145 
 
 • (Alexander) - - 146 
 
 Bo;i - - - - - 96 
 
 Character Reclaimed by Reading and Good Company 82 
 
 Exhibition ----- o«> 
 
 « Flattrrv - - - 68 
 
INDEX. 
 
 Page 
 
 Impious Inscription - - 86 
 
 Suicide - - - - - 85 
 
 Vanity of a Physician Ridiculed - - 81 
 
 Inconsistency, Impious - - - - 79 
 Infidel Enthusiasm ..... 172 
 
 Infidelity, its Effects, &c. - - - 130 
 
 , Folly of, (Watson's Answer to Paine) - - 51 
 
 Infidel Writers, their Evidence in Favour of Christianity - 3 
 
 Instinctive Piety - - 75 
 
 Intoxication no Legal Excuse for Blasphemy - - 27 
 
 John, king, the Value of his Religion - - - 109 
 
 Jones, Sir William, an Example - - - 147 
 
 Julian the Apostate, his Evidence - - - 143 
 
 his Apostacy and Impiety - - - 29 
 
 Juvenile Impiety ..... 107 
 
 Labadie, an Immoral Enthusiast - - - 150 
 
 Leo the Tenth, his Impiety, &c. - - - 97 
 
 Lyttleton, Lord - - - - -117 
 
 Marmontel's Inconsistency - - - - 20 
 
 Miracles, Credibility of 136 
 
 Nero's Impiety and Suicide ... 96 
 
 Opposition to Conviction - - - .106 
 
 Oppression and Sacrilege ... 93 
 
 Paine's (Thomas) Life, &c. - - - 38 
 
 Writings, Epigram on - - -53 
 
 Pascal and Voltaire - - - . - 122 
 
 Persian's Opinion of the Religious, a - - - 28 
 Porphyrius ---... 1^3 
 
 Posthumous Impiety ... 36 
 
 Reformed Cantabrigian - - . - 64 
 
INDEX. 
 
 P«g<! 
 
 Religion* Sport* Fatal 
 
 Robbing a Statue - - <><> 
 
 Rochester, Ufc of Lord - .7 
 
 Royal Reproof - - - -72 
 
 Sacrilege, a Heathen Temple plundered loo 
 
 Heathen, prevented - - 101 
 
 Sayings of a Dying Man, the (Dr. Johnson) - 31 
 
 Scepticism - - - - 134 
 
 Sonne Jenyns, his Conviction - 163 
 
 Stable, The, preferred to the Altar 101 
 
 Sublimity of the Scriptures - - 5 
 
 Suicide prevented ... - 30 
 
 True Philosophy rejects Atheism 1 HI 
 
 Turkish Impiety - 09 
 
 Uracha, Sacrilege of - - OS 
 
 Value of the Bible - .4 
 
 Vicious Example an Apology - 71 
 
 Voltaire, Mr. Gray's Opinion of 11 
 
 L. Hunt's Remarks on If 
 
 *s Inconsistency - - - 17 
 
 at Fault - - ib. 
 
 Watson's Contrast of Newton and Paim' 72 
 
 Wise Fool's Lecture, a - 28 
 
 Young and Tindal M 
 
 
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