PRICE TWENT^y-FIVE CENTS $g$SS$SSS$SSS$SSSSSSSSSSSJ^ PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY f \5 CENTS EACH CRANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; IJ^ hours 8 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 CHEERFUL. COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; £0 minutes 4 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; I34 hours 6 MURDER ^VILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 4 SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 PRINCESS KIKU. (35 cents) 13 RAINBOW KIMON A. (35 cents.) 2 Acts; IJ^ hours 9 MERRY OLD MAIDS. (35 cents.) Motion Song 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH H APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 8 BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40rainute8 6 DARKEY AVOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 rainntes 3 AV ANTED, A MAHATMA. 1 Act; 30 mi. ;t,es.... •...., 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; labours 24 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street. N. Y. SIMPKINS' LITTL BREAKFAST PARTY a farce in <©ne act BY CHARLES S. BIRD Copyright, 191 i, by Dick & Fitzgerald ^ NEW YORK DICK & FITZGERALD 18 ANN STREET -fSt^^' >1 J> tn ©CIO 23876 NoTE.--The professional rights of this play are expressly reserved by the publishers, to whom theatrical managers should apply who wish to produce it. Amateur representa- tion may be made without such application and without charge. SIMPKINS' LITTLE BREAKFAST PARTY. CHARACTERS. Samuel SiMPKiNS Inclined to he gay Major Cashdown a down-town broker Dr. Hartley Simphins' Chum. Also of " The Flats " George Henry Clay 8impUns' Man Mrs. Fairplay a lady of spirit Alice ± airplay Her daughter and Simphins' intended Dolly Cashdown An amateur actress, Hartley's choice Time of Eepresentation.— One and a half hours. Costumes, modern. INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. Furniture as per scene plot. Plates, knives, forks, etc., suitable for a nicely arranged breakfast-table. Pipe, pillow; card and tray for George. Money, Coin for Simpkins. Medicme-case for Hartley. Handkerchief for Dolly. Money for Major Cashdown. STAGE DIRECTIONS. In observing, the player is supposed to face the audience, c. means centre; r., right; l., left; r. c, right of centre; l. c, left of centre; c. d., centre door; r. d., right door; l. d., left door; r. u. e. right upper entrance; l. u. e. left upper entrance; r. l e. right first entrance; l. l e. left first en- trance; UP, up stage or toward the rear; down, down stage or toward the audience. 3 SIMPKINS' LITTLE BREAKFAST PARTY. SCENE. — A combined sitting and hreahfast room, in Simp- kins' apartments, tastefully famished. Sideboard, up r. Small round table, down r. Three chairs at table. Ornamental screen between table and sideboard. Table L. with telephone, papers, boohs, smoking outfit, etc., on it. Morris chair beside it at R. George Henry DISCOV- ERED in morris chair, smoking Simpkins' meerschaum, George. Whew! Guess I will hab t' speak t' de boss, an tell him t' change his bran' o* t'bakker, dis ere stuff smells like a rubber plant. Ah doan tink much of dis job here ennyhow, too quiet like t' suit dis coon, too much alone, de boss ain' no company for me, ain' home none on'y in de mawnin, an time t' go t' bed. Say, Ah jess wonder whar he spend his time anyhow? Guess he is what dey calls one of dem high-rollers. When dis nigger git rich, dat's what he's gwine t' be, "a high roller." {Chuckles.) When Ah was a rousterbout on de steamer. Ah uster dream about (Simp- kins in morning gown ENTERS quietly, R. u. E. Shakes fist at George. Comes behind chair, and listens) bein' rich ya ha, jess like my boss here. Nothin' t' do but be a sport, lay back in ma big ahm cheer like dis, smokin' an habin* a good time all (Simpkins grabs chair behind, pitches George out on floor). Simpkins. Now, you black rascal, what have you got to say for yourself? Here I have caught you smoking my pipe again. Didn't I tell you that the next time I caught you at it I'd give you a caning? Geo. (confused). 'Deed Ah was'n smokin', boss, Ah was on'y Seme. Don't lie to me, I saw you. 6 Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. Geo. No, sah, Ah mus' a bin a dreamin', an' — an' — jess reached out and picked up dat pipe by mistake, in mah sleep. (Aside.) Got cotched dat time for suah. Simp. Well, George Henry, I did not engage you to do any nightmare stunts around here, so you try to keep awake after this and attend to your work or out you go, do you understand ? Geo. Yas, sah, suah, Ah understans. (Forgets himself, and puts pipe in mouth again.) Simp. Put that pipe on the table! Geo. What pipe? Oh, yah (pretends to he surprised at seeing pipe in his hand) dar is dat ole pipe ag'in fo' suah, Ah mus' a bin a dreamin' ag'in. (Lays pipe on table.) Simp. Now, George Henry, pay attention to what I am going to say. Geo. Yassir. Simp. I am going to have a little breakfast party here this morning. A gentleman, and a — ahem, — a lady (George looks wise), and I want you to see if you can serve the guests, and myself, in such a manner that I need not be ashamed of you. By the way, did you ever wait at table when you were on the steamboat? Geo. Yassir, alius waited till all de rest got frou. Simps. No, I don't mean that, I mean, did you ever pass the food? Geo. Who, me? No, sah; nebber passed nuffin, jess took everyting in mah reach. Simp, (aside). This is rather a dangerous experiment, trying to break in a new servant when company is to be here, and such company. Miss Dolly, charming little creature. (Buhs hands together.) I can hardly wait. (To George.) Now then, George Henry, you get to work and arrange this table for three, and when the guests arrive, you will attend to their needs, and if everything goes well, it will mean a small bill for yours. Geo. Yassir, Ah'U suah do mah bes'. Simp. Good. (George puts things on tahle, arranges cloth, chairs etc. Simpkins sits and smokes.) Just think of it, Simpkins my boy, in another hour, perhaps less, (looks at watch) Miss Dolly Cashdown, the sweetest peach that ever ripened on the theatrical tree, will be seated with you at your little table. Nice thing to tumble into a fortune, and be able to spend a season in New York. Am I having a good time? Well, say (knowing wink),V3i — ther. I wonder Simpkins* I/ittle Breakfast Party. 7 what Alice would say if she knew a few of the rapid strides of her dear Sammy, in the City? But pshaw, she is a reasonable little girl enough, she would understand that a fellow has to enjoy life a little. But her mama — Whew! Why think of disagreeable topics however ? Confounded bore, though, that Dolly would insist on having her father come with her, (rises) but, ha, ha, I'll show the old chap that " two is company, and three is a crowd," if Hartley carries out my little scheme. (Crosses to table.) Well, George Henry, everything ready? Geo. Yas, sah; Ah tink so, sah. Simp. Yes, that looks fine. (Moves things around a lit.) That's great. Now, I'm going to get ready; you receive the guests, when they come, and call me at once. Geo. Yassir. (EXIT Simpkins, r. u. e.) Ah wonder what kind a pahty dis yer am gwine to be, ef it's ennyting like de las' one de boss had — (Puts up loth hands and shakes head.) Ah wonder ef dar's time for annuder little smoke? (Loohs off R., goes to tahle, takes up pipe.) Simp, (from off R.) George Henry! Geo. (dropping pipe hastily). Yassir. Simp. Nothing, wanted to be sure you were not dreaming again. Geo. Golly, he done gib me er shock. (Door hell rings. George goes off c. d., KE-ENTEKS, ushering in Major Cashdown and Dolly.) Walk in, sah, walk in. Miss. Major. Ahem! is Mr. — Mr. Symptoms in? Dolly. Mr. Simpkins, papa. Maj. Yes, yes, Mr. Simpkins, of course; well, you piece of ebonized furniture, is Mr. Symptoms in? Geo. Yassir — yas'm, he am, make yo'sef at home, an' Ah done call him. (EXIT George r. u. e). Maj. Well, Dolly, here we are. (Dolly sits l., Major walhs around rather nervously.) DoL. Isn't this a regular lark, papa, I'm so glad you con- sented to come. Maj. Yes, yes, my dear, but I had a reason for doing so, which I have not told you yet, but I — er— will do so now. DoL. Why, how delightfully mysterious! What in the world can it be? Do go on! Maj. Well, you see, my dear,— Ah— ahem (Aside.) I must be careful, it won't do to say much about the widow. (^To Dolly.) You see, this young Mr. Symptoms DoL. Simp — kins, papa. 8 Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. Maj. Yes, yes, vSimpkins — this young Symptoms is a friend of a friend of mine, back in the old town from which we both came, a fact thoug-h, of which he is not aware, and we — that is to say — the friend of whom I speak, and myself, have ascertained that this young chap is cutting quite a wide swath here in the city, and so she DoL. She? Maj. {confused). Ahem, no, no — and so we — ^have hatched up a little scheme to bring him to his senses. DoL. Yes, I understand. {Rather dubiously.) Maj. And so the widow DoL. The widow? {Starting up.) Papa, what on earth are you tall?;ing about? Maj. {aside). Confound it, I'm getting this thing all mixed up. {To Dolly.) No, no. I was thinking about a client of mine, down at the office, — where was I ? Oh, yes, — a little scheme, and — er — they will be here to-day, perhai)S this morning, and DoL. {with sarcasm). Has this — this party, to whom you refer, a double personality? Maj. a — a — what ? DoL. A double personality. A little wkile ago you said it was a friend. You now say they, could you not be a little more specific ? Maj. Oh! of course, my dear, of course, the young lady you know DoL. {bewildered). The young lady? Maj. (aside). Confound it! I may as well get this thing over, I can't seem to make her understand. {To Dolly.) Yes, my dear Dolly, and as you now understand the whole situation perfectly DoL. Oh! perfectly — you have made it all so delightfully clear. {Aside, anxiously.) I wonder if poor dear papa has been caught in a squeeze in the street? He talks so strangely. (Simpkins heard speahing off R.) Maj. Sh-h-h — Now don't tell him what I have told you — mum's the word. DoL. No danger. {Aside.) Mumm ? I wonder if there's to be champagne? ENTER Simpkins r. u. e. Ee has on tuxedo suit. Very breezy. Simp. Ah, Miss Cashdown. Ah, Major. {Bows low over Simpkins' I^ittle Breakfast Patty. 9 Dolly's hand, shakes Major's heartily.) So glad to see you both, charmed to have you accept my invitation, trust you did not think me — ah — presumptuous ? Maj. Not in the least, my boy. DoL. Oh, not at all, Mr. Simpkins. Simp. Ah, delighted to hear you say so. (ENTER George r. u. e. Goes to table.) George Henry, show Major and Miss Cashdown to my room; breakfast will be served in about ten minutes. [EXIT Major, Dolly and George l. u. e. Simpkins dances around down front and sings snatch of some sentimental song. George RE-ENTERS l. u. e. and dances hack, imitating Simpkins. Simp. Charming Dolly — such eyes — such hair — such an altogether adorable creature. I can hardly wait for break- fast to begin. (Dances.) La, la, la, to be sure Pa-pa is a nuisance, but if my little arrangement to have him called up on the telephone works, I'll soon have the divine Dolly all to myself. Ah, Simpkins my boy, you are a sly dog. (Dances and sings.) La la la — (Catches sight of George dancing.) What do you mean, you imp of darkness, by imitating me? (Snatches hook from table, and throws it at George.) Geo. Ah begs yo pahdon, boss, guess ah was dreamin' agin. Simp. You villain, I'll give you something that will turn your dreams into a painful reality. Geo. Deed, Ah jess couldn't help it, yo is such a fine dancer. Ah thought I'd take a lesson while yo was'n lookin'. Simp, (-flattered). Ahem, well, George Henry, I believe I am pretty fair on my feet. (Another step.) You should have seen me, er — ahem, never mind, here, here's something for you. (Hands George coin.) Geo. (grinning). Thanky' sah. (Bows.) Simp. And, George Henry? Geo. Well, sah. Simp. See that everything is hot. Geo. Yassir, you're suah gwine t' git it hot. [EXIT George l. 1 e. Simp, (startled). "I'm going to get it hot"— now I wonder what he meant by that? Oh, the food, of course, of course. Ah, here she comes. Just in time, my man has just gone down for the breakfast. ENTER Major and Dolly l. u. e. 10 Sitnpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. Major. That's good, I'm as hungry as a Wall Street bear, Ha! Ha! Simp. Good, Major, very good. Ha ! Ha ! we'll fix that in a jiffy. DoL. It was very dear of you, Mr. Simpkins, to arrange this delightful little affair for us. Simp. Oh, don't mention it, my dear Miss Cashdown, I beg, the pleasure is all mine, I assure you. Shall I have the extreme honor of taking you to the table ? ( Very gallantly,^ DoL. Thank you, Mr. Simpkins. {All sit at table, Dolly r., Major l., Simpkins c. facing audience.) ENTER George l. 1 e. carrying large tray. Goes to side- hoard.) Maj. (heartily). Now this is what I call pleasant, there is nothing so conducive to real intimacy, and jovial good fellowship, as sitting together at a well appointed little meal like this. DoL. Oh, yes, Mr. Simpkins, it is perfectly delightful. Simp, (smirking). You honor me, I am sure. Now then, George Henry, the hot plates, now, the minced chicken, the celery, the olives, the toast. (George brings each article as it is ordered.) Simp, (aside). George Henry is doing extremely well for an ex-roustabout. My dear Miss Cashdown, may I help you to some of the minced chicken? DoL. If you will be so kind, Mr. Simpkins. (George takes plate from Simpkins, walks around table and serves Dolly.) Simp. And you, Major? Maj. (rubbing hands). Why, of course, my dear fellow, that's what I'm here for. Ha, ha! it looks fine. Simp. It ought to be, our chef is hard to beat. (Same "business for George. All eat. George very attentive.) Simp. George Henry. Geo. Yas, sah. Simp. The coffee. Geo. Yas, sah. (George brings coffee, pours for Dolly, starts to pour for Major, telephone rings. George starts, turns toward telephone, and pours coffee in Major's lap. All jump up. Major in agony.) Maj. Ow — ouch — ah! you infernal coon. (Dances around.) What do you mean ? You've scalded me I Geo. O — er — 'souse me, Ma — jaw, I ^ Sitopkins* lyittle Breakfast Party. II Simp, (kicking him). You black ape! (George goes to telephone.) DoL. Poor dear papa, does it hurt? Maj. (grimly). "Does it hurt?" Suppose you had hot coffee poured all DoL. (shocked). Papa! Geo. Somebody wan' t' speak t' Major Cashdown. Maj. (limping over to phone). Well, what is it? Yes, Cashdown! (Bellowing.) Yes, Major Cashdown! what? — where? — Ouch! (Ruhs leg, dances.) At the office? — Oh! impossible, — No, — No, I say! Hey? — what's that? — a hun- dred thou — All right— rig-ht away. (To Simpkins.) Very Borry, my dear Symptoms, — important matter at office — got to go — back in fifteen minutes. (Simpkins and Dolly rise, 90 c.) Simp. Why, this is too had. Major, but business is business you know. (Winks aside.) George Henry, the Major's hat and coat. (EXIT George l. u. e. returns at once with hat and coat.) Well, good-bye. Major, hope you can return shortly. (Aside.) Simpkins, what a liar you are. Maj. Good-bye. Bye-bye, Dolly, — coming right back. DoL. Good-bye, papa, do hurry. Maj. Yes, yes. (Rushes off c. d.) DoL. What a shame, business is such a nuisance. Simp. So it is, so it is, my dear Miss Cashdown, but surely we can proceed with our breakfast, can we not? DoL. Oh, certainly, Mr. Simpkins, if you wish. Simp, (aside). "If I wish.'' Charming girl. Now, Simpkins, is your chance. (They resume seats, George at sideboard.) DoL. (aside). This is quite embarrassing, I do hope papa will not be detained long. Simp. Ahem — er — er. My dear Miss Cashdown, ah, did you notice what a beautiful, evening it was last night? Such a lovely moon — and — (Edging his chair toward her.) DoL. (nervously). Ye — yes — I believe so. (Moves around a little). Simp, (ardently). Bo you, so do I. (Simpkins keepi moving up; Dolly moves away as they talk, until they have made the circuit of the tahle.) How perfectly our tastes seem to agree, dear Miss — er — Dolly, I — (George drops tray with loud clatter.) DoL. Oh! (Simpkins jumps up, takes George by the ear, leads him down l., hands him tip, points off stage. George IZ Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. grins, nods head — EXIT l. 1 e.) (Aside.) I wish papa would hurry, and I wish he had been a little more definite in regard to his " scheme," Mr. Simpkins acts so queerly. Simp, (returning to table — adoringly). As I was saying — My dear — ah — Dolly — (Bing at telephone.) Confound the phone. (Long ring. Goes to telephone.) Well, what is it? (Shouts.) Yes, Simpkins! Yes, Simp — (Changing tone.) Oh, that you. Major? — delayed? — very sorry, — yes, of course, — good-bye. (Forgets himself, dances.) La, la, la. DoL. Why, Mr. Simpkins, what are you doing? (Aside.) He must be wrong in his head. Oh, I must go. (Starts up.) Simp, (confused). Why — ah — why, you see, it was the telephone. DoL. " The telephone ? " Of course it was the telephone, but Simp. Yes, you see whenever I use the telephone the electric fluid goes all over me, and DoL. Why, how strange. Simp. Isn't it? (They sit at tahle.) Ahem, Miss Dolly — dear Miss Dolly — er — (Ring at door-hell heard, Simpkins annoyed, calls off.) George Henry! (ENTER George, l. 1 E.) Attend to the door. Geo. Yas, sah. [EXIT c. d. Simp. As I said before, my dear ENTER George c. d. with card tray. Geo. Some ladies t' see you, boss. Simp, (takes cards from tray. Aside). Mrs. Ethel Fair- play, Miss Alice Fairplay. Jerusalem! Alice and her mother, what'll I do? (TaJces George aside.) Tell them to wait a little while, and Geo. Deed Ah did, boss, but de ole lady say she wa'n't gwine sta'n on ceremony, comin' right up. Simp. The deuce she is? DoL. (who has been looking bewildered, with dignity). Mr. Simpkins, if you — (Voices heard outside, c. D.) Simp, (rapidly). Oh, yes, certainly, Miss Dolly, sit down. (He pushes Dolly down in chair, then drags screen over so as to conceal table from stage, but not from audience.) Whew! ENTER c. D. Mrs. Fairplay and Alice. Why, my dear Mrs. Fairplay, my dear Alice. (M\itual greeting.) How jolly of you to give me this pleasant surprise. (Aside.) Pleasant? Simpkins* I .^ . ,, . Alice. Horrible. I (^<"'^"»'' *'"'*'• <'2"'*-) Simp. You bet, — great excitement, everybody came run- ning — proprietor — pretty sa]es girls — policeman — fainted from loss of blood, and when I came to, I had that handker- chief in my hand — asked the manager what the damages were — he said, " Nothing my dear sir, glad to see you, call in again when you come down this way." Paid him five cents though for that little piece of linen and lace as a souvenir of the occasion — and ENTER Dolly hurriedly r. 1 e., stops Ah — ! (SiMPKiNg puts hands over his heart as he screams.) My heart! (QuicJc action follows.) Mrs. F. Oh, he has another attack. (They support him. Being hack to Dolly they have not seen her.) Alice. Quick, mama, quick. ENTER hurriedly Dr. Hartley c. d. Dr. H. What Is it? Whafs happened? Mrs. F. Mr. Simpkins — his heart ! Dr. H. Get him to his room at once! [EXIT all hut Dolly l. u. e. carrying Simpkins. DoL. (who has heen standing irresolutely at r. unperceived hy all save Simpkins). What could have been the matter with Mr. Simpkins? (Crosses and EXITS after the others L. U. E.) ENTER Major Cashdown c. d. in towering rage. Ma J. Delayed by a wreck on the elevated; couldn't get back any sooner ; wonder who called me up on the phone — all a fake — (Flourishing cane.) Wish I had him here. Where's Dolly? Where's Symptoms? Gone, by Jove, and I'm hungry as — Wonder if Mrs. Fairplay has arrived^ yet-— hope so, or my little scheme will miscarry. Ah (ruhhing his hands), great idea of mine — clever — ex — treme — ly clever, to make her think our young friend Symptoms was going it a Simpkins' I^ittle Breakfast Party. X$ little fast, and so get her here where I could make her listen to a little reason and common sense. Major — Major, I fear you will never get over being as young as any of 'em — la la la. (Attempts a step or two, but rheumatism prevents.) Ouch! To be sure, Symptoms is a little — just a little — but pshaw, boys will be boys, although a little scare may not be amiss in his case. Alice is too nice a little girl for any man to play fast and loose with. (ENTER George l. 1 e. 'bringing tray, etc. Goes to table.) Here, you black rascal (Rapidly) ^ where is my daughter ? Where is Mr. Symptoms ? Where is everybody? Who called me up on the phone? Has there been any one here since I left? Are we going to get any- thing to eat this blessed day? (George makes grimaces trying to answer during the Major's volley.) Hey! why don't you answer, you — you — what are you grinning about? (Makes for George with cane. George retreats around table.) Geo. Ho? on. Major, hoi' on. Maj. (stopping). Well, why don't you speak? Geo. Deed, Ah tried to, but Ah couldn' git a word in aidgeways. Maj. (raising cane). Will you ? ^ Geo, Yassir, yassir, gi' me chance, what you wanter know fust? Maj. (calming down). Well, perhaps I was a little fast. Geo. Yo' suttingly was. De house am full, Majaw, all kinds a folks. An' de boss gwine t' haf breakfuss right away. Maj. Good, that's something to be thankful for any way. (Goes up stage.) Geo. Dis am my las' day on dis job. Ain't gwine t' be made no choppin' block for nobody, not much. (Works around table.) ENTER Mrs. Fairplay l. u. e., comes down l. Mrs. F. Well, of all the incomprehensible proceedings. Mr. Simpkins is either acting a part, or his head is affected worse than his heart. I do wish Major Cashdown Maj. (coming down r.). Well, my dear Mrs. Fairplay, here at last? (They shake hands. Major bowing low.) So glad to see you again. Mrs. F. Thank you Major — I wish Maj. Ahem — you received my note? Mrs. F. I did, and I would like very much to Maj. Oh, certainly, my dear madam. (George whistles a 20 Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. little.) Ahem — pardon me — just a second. {Goes over to George. Aside.) Er — George Henry, haven't you something important to attend to below? (Slipping George a tip.) Geo. (grinning). Suah, Majaw, I tend to dat little matter right away. [EXIT George l. 1 e. Maj. (aside). Now for the next move in my little game. Ahem, Mrs. Fairplay, it was very good of you to come, and now Mrs. F. Perhaps so, but now that I have come, Major, if you will have the kindness to inform me what I have come for, I Maj. Immediately — immediately, my dear madam. (Aside.) I wonder how I'll begin, I hope Dolly doesn't come in now. (To Mrs. Fairplay.) Ah — by the way, have you seen Dolly? Mrs. F. No, but I suppose she is in the stable. Maj. (astounded). Where? Mrs. F. In the stable, of course, with the other horses. Maj. (aside). Is she crazy? (To Mrs. Fairplay with some dignity.) Madam, I do not know what you may be talking about, but I — was asking if you had seen my daughter — Miss Dolly Cashdown. Mrs. F. (aside). His daughter? Ah now I see — what a fool I have been — " Dolly and the Major," — " thoroughbreds " — um yes, I think so. Now, Mr. Samuel Simpkins, if I don't ^ Maj. (impatiently). Pardon me, madam, you were say- ing ? Mrs. F. (sweetly). Oh, pardon me, my dear Major, some- thing diverted me for a moment. I believe your daughter ia with Mr. Simpkins in his room. Maj. What! (Grabs his cane, starts l.) Mrs. F. Perhaps I had better hear what he has to say first. (Runs after Major, drags him hach hy the coat tails.) Yes, with a Dr. Hartley, and my daughter Alice. Maj. (aside). Hartley here? Well here is a mix up. Confound it though, — let them settle their own affairs, I have something more agreeable to attend to. (Bowing low to Mrs. Fairplay.) Will you permit me to say that time has dealt very kindly with you, my dear Mrs. Fairplay, and now that this fortunate meeting Mrs. F. Under such peculiar circumstances Maj. "Peculiar?" Mrs. F. Yes, "peculiar." (Rapidly,) Will you kindly Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. 21 explain how you happen to be here, and how your daughter happens to be here, and why Mr. Simpkins is attected with heart failure all of a sudden, — and why this young Dr. Hartley looks as though he would like to perform vivisection upon the whole party — and Maj. Why, of course. (Aside.) How some people can ask questions. (To Mrs. Fairplay.) You see — er — Mr. Symptoms has placed a heavy commission in stocks with our firm, and he asked me here this morning to tall^ over the deal, and Mrs. F. Oh! and is your daughter Dolly a member of your firm? Maj. (rattled). Yes — no. Ha! ha! Excellent joke, Mrs. Fairplay, excellent joke. Ha! Ha! (Aside.) What will I tell her? Mrs. F. Major Cashdown, if the joke is so very " excel- lent," perhaps — I say per — haps, you will be kind enough to explain the point of it. Maj. a thou&and pardons. (Gets an idea.) Why, the fact is, we had to have a stenographer and my daughter Dolly, having had some experience in that line, very kindly con- sented to act, and so you see ? Mrs. F. (much relieved). Why, certainly. Major, that clears up the whole matter. Maj. (delighted). I am awfully glad it does. (Aside.) If you've got to lie, do it right. Mrs. F. And now if you'll excuse me. (Moves to go.) Maj. (detaining her). Oh, not for the world — won't you please be seated. I have something I wish to say to you. (Mrs. Fairplay tahes chair. The Major stands, hand on chair hack.) Mrs. F. (aside — coyly). I wonder what it is, he seems so mysterious. (The following scene is intended to he rather ridiculous.) Maj. Ahem — as T was saving Mrs. F. (expectantly). Yes? Maj. No — I mean — as I was about to say Mrs. F. (looHng np, then down). Yes, Major. (Sighs.) Maj. Mrs. Fairplay — er — er — Elsie . Mrs. F. (shocked). Why — why — Major Cashdown. Maj. (effusively). Oh, please call me Joseph, let us use the old names, the dear old names we called each other, back in the days when we were boys together Mrs. F. (amazed). What do you 22 Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. Maj. No, no — I mean girls together Mrs. F. Why, Major, are you era — Maj. No, I don't, I mean — er — (Crosses r. aside.) What in blazes do I mean anyway? (Returns hastily ^ falls on his hnees, takes her hand in his, places his other hand on his heart.) I mean, that I have been wishing, longing for this opportunity, dear Elsie, to tell you how much I lo ENTEK Dolly quickly l. u. e. She sees tableau (quick action) throws up her hands. Screams slightly and runs off R. u. E. Maj. (jumping up). What was that? Mrs. F. (little scream). Ah — h! Maj. (looks all around, sees nothing, resumes position, same "business; loudly). Love you, and — (ENTER George l. 1 E. Major in dismay. Crosses to George, motions him off. George does not understand. Major gives tip; George does understand, EXITS l. 1 e. grinning; shakes fist off l. returns to Mrs. Fairplay as before. Shouts.) And with my hand on my heart. (Changes position of his hand.) I swear — ENTER Hartley l. u. e. in pursuit of Dolly. He sees tableau, throws up both hands and shouts — Wow! EXITS G. D. Quick action. Mrs. F. (starts up wildly, looks around). Oh! what was it? Maj. (falls over backward, echoes Hartley's Wow ! Gets up painfully; rubs rheumatic leg). Come, my dear, let us leave the zoological garden, all the animals seem to be having a half holiday. I will seek a more sequestered spot, where — (They go off c. d. arm in arm, the Major limping painfully.) ENTER Hartley r. u. e., looks around. Dr. H. Which way did she go? What is she doing here anyway ? What in thunder does it all mean ? Simpkins was shamming, that's plain enough, — nothing the matter with his heart, — won't say as much for his brains, however. I wonder what that Mrs. Fairplay meant by turning up her nose at Dolly and calling her an actress? I'll find all this out though, as sure as my name's (ENTER George l. 1 E. Crosses to table.) Ah, here is George, perhaps he will know something. Oh, good morning, George Henry, Geo. Mawnin Doctah^ mawnin. Simpkins' I^ittle Breakfast Party. 23 Dr. H. (aside). I'll pump the coon — (Takes a seat and smoJces.) George, where is Mr. Simpkins? Geo. (aside). Now Ah wonder what he wants t' fine out, guess I better not know nuffin at all. Dr. H. Did you hear me, George Henry? Is Mr. Simp- kins about? Geo. Deed, Ah doan know, Doetah. Dr. H. (aside). He's lying, the rascal. I'll see if I can^t scare something out of him. (Yaivns.) George, I'm tired, been pretty busy this morning. Geo. Dat so, Doetah, lots 0' folks sick now? Dr. H. No, not so much sickness, surgical cases, George, went down to the hospital before breakfast, lots of operations, all the staff busy, took off seven legs and five arms in forty- five minutes flat. Geo. (his eyes bulging). Sho, Doetah, you mus' a had t* hustle. Dr. H. Oh, that's not so much, just enough to give a man an appetite, just a little sport. Geo. B-r-r-r! Ah wouldn' like dat kine o' sport. Dr. H. All in getting used to it, George Henry. Only thing I object to, is the way it affects my head. Geo. (looJcing startled). Yo' haid? Dr. H. Yes, and my appetite. Geo. Wha' what? Dr. H. (jumps up, and walks around. Sits down again acts strangely). Yes, you have no doubt heard, or read, of how the smell and sight of blood affects some wild animals. (Clutches his chair, looks wildly at George, who is getting scared.) Makes them fierce for more! Well, that's me, makes me want to cut up even a well man, white or — (fiercely jumping up) black! (Starts wildly toward George, who gives way.) Geo. Fo' de Lord's sake! Better se' down, Doetah, better se' down. (Hartley runs hands through his hair, rolls his eyes, grahs table knife, makes for George.) Dr. H. Ha— h! What do you Geo. (sprinting around room). Help — Murder — fire — Ya— h! (Runs off L. 1 E.) Dr. H. (puts down knife, laughing). Ha! Ha! Well that's not more than half a joke. I really do feel like doing something savage, and if Miss Dolly Cashdown don't ex — ENTER Dolly c. d. 24 Simpkins' I/ittle Breakfast Party. Dolly (aside). Ah, there he is. Dr. H. (aside). Ah, here she is now. Dr. H. Well, Miss Cashdown, what have you to say for yourself ? DoL. Oh ! I don't know that I have anything in particular to say to you about myself, Mr. Hartley. Dr. H. Oh, you don't? I suppose that being engaged to me does not make it seem at all out of place for you to be discovered taking breakfast with another man in his private apartments. DoL. "Discovered?" Well, I like that. I would have you know, sir, that my papa was here, and as for our " engagement " as you term it, ha ha, as that is a matter known only to ourselves, it can be easily terminated. Dr. H. (alarmed). Dolly, you don't mean — (Aside) nol I won't back down, she must explain. DoL. (laughing, aside). Poor boy, he's horribly jealous. (Sighs.) Isn't it nice to be thought so much of; but quarrels are so stupid. I think I will try to tame the bear. Dr. Hartley? Dr. H. (averting eyes). Well ? DoL. " Well "—look at me. Dr. H. (still loohing away). Are you going to explain? DoL. I am not going to say one word as long as you are so (smothering a laugh) deeply interested in studying the arrangement of Mr. Simpkins' furniture. Dr. H. (turning savagely). Well, there! DoL. That's much better, sir. To begin then, I will tell you that I received an invitation from Mr. Simpkins to take breakfast with him. (Hartley mahes gesture with his flsi, aside.) In the note he sent me he mentioned something about his chum. Dr. Hartley. Dr. H. (indignantly). Humph! He did, did he? DoL. Yes, and although it was rather vague^ it led me to think you were to be one of the party, so I accepted, of course with the provision that papa should be included, thinking it would be a good time to let him know about our — our en- gagement. (LooTcing at him archly. Hartley not pacified.) Papa seemed singularly pleased with the idea, and so we came, and Dr. H. (angrily). But, that does not explain why Simpkins invited you, nor how it is that you happen to be acquainted with him. Simpkins' I^ittle Breakfast Party. «5 DoL. Please do not be so violent. You see he was a guest at Mrs. Hiflier's private theatricals, which occurred while you were away last month. I was the leading lady, you know, and this Mr. vSirapkins somehow conceived the idea that I was a professional, obtained an introduction {sly looh), seemed to be very much smitten, and Dr. H. I'll smite him ! DoL. Yes, wasn't it funny? Dr. H. Oh! very! DoL. (sweetly). Don't you remember that was the way you first met me, and how you Dr. H. Yes, I distinctly remember, I remember that was where my troubles began. DoL. Now don't interrupt. You said I was Dr. II. Oh, don't remind me of it. DoL. And that you would (coming nearer to him) never, — ne — ver Dr. H. I did not! ^ DoL. (coming nearer, and sliahing -finger playfully). On, yes! you did, and so did this Mr. Simpkins Dr. H. (disgusted). Simpkins! DoL. (clanging tones). And so I came to his old break- fast, but it wasn't a bit of fun, papa was called away, Mr. Simpkins is a — fool (cannot find her handkerchief, takes Hartley's which shows in Ins hreast pocket.) and now here you are acting (beginning to cry) like a great b — ^b — ^bear. M — Men are so hard to understand. Dr. H. And women are so open and above board DoL. And my head aches so. (Edging up closer.) Dr. H. (aside). Oh! pshaw! I can't stand this. DoL. And — and I'm so hu — hungry. ^ (Drops her head on his shoulder, face hidden in handkerchief.) Dr. H. (aside). Oh! hang it all, I can't be a brute. (Puts his arms around Dolly.) There — there, little one don't cry, I guess I was a little unreasonable, please forgive me. (Lifting her face, and kissing her. Dolly laughs slyly aside.) ENTER Simpkins l. v. e. sees Hartley and Dolly. Simp, (aside). Stung! Dr. H. (magnanimously). Ah, Simpkins, old boy, con- gratulate your friend Hartley, and his bride to be. Simp, (not over cordial). Why — er — certainly, many happy returns of the day, (Dr. Hartley and Dolly go up 26 Simpkitis* Ier$ed. Home and love once more. A WIDOW'S WILES A Comedy in Three Acts, by EMILIE H. CALLAWAY Price, 25 Cents Seven male, eight female characters. Three interior scenes. Time of playing, two hours, A scheming widow involves Ted, who is engaged to Doris, in her toils and plays her cards with such success that she eventually forces Ted to marry her. Her sudden death releases Ted, and upon full explanation being made, he and Doris become reconciled. CHARACTERS Mr. Raymond A wealthy Virginian Tom Raymond Mr. Raymond's son Tack Fenton ) To^.g friends Walter Trask ) Ted Prescott Tom's intimate chum Percy Huston A dude, given to "butting in" Sambo Mr. Raymond's colored servant Mrs, Raymond Mr. Raymond's, wife Doris Raymond Her daughter Mrs. Bronson A scheming widow Grace Huston Percy Huston^s sister Mrs. Pueblo A society lady Louisiana Francis A young colored girl Aunt Dinah Mr. Raymond's colored old house-servant THE DELEGATES FROM DENVER A Farcical Comedy in Two Acts, by SAMUEL N. CLARK PRICE, 25 CENTS CHARACTERS Mr. John Randolph An elderly gentleman Mrs. John Randolph His wife John Randolph, Jr Their son, usually called "John" Edward Steele A friend of the family Louise Randolph John's sister Margaret Burley Louise's friend A Maid Servant Rose Wilbur I I iir . .,_ Gertrude > Members of the Eta Pi Sorority ■{ nr,Z^ nr^m^o r-ror e Janet Van Holt ) ^ ] Two Other Girls Two Interior Scenes. Time of Playing — 45 Minutes. SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS Act I. — John has proposed to Margaret, but she delays giving him any final answer. He overhears a conversation between her and Louise in which Margaret, who is a candidate for President of the Eta Pi Sorority, which is to meet in Boston, confides to Louise that if she is elected she will not marry, in order to devote her time to the Sorority. Two of the members of Denver write to say they cannot attend, John and Edward determine to disguise themselves as the Denver Delegates and vote against Margaret's election and plan to keep Margaret and Louise from reaching the Convention, Act II. — The Sorority convention in Boston. John and Edward arrive, but in spite of their ruse, Margaret and Louise also arrive. Edna (Edward) hands Margaret a bogus telegram calling her back instantly to New York. An accident has delayed the starting of the train; she telegraphs home to account for the delay, and the Randolphs in alarm hasten to Boston. The whole scheme is unravelled and plans are laid for a double wedding* One copy del. to Cat. Div. AP^ 8 19ft ^S^$SSSS§SSiS:-^SSSSSSSSSS8$SSSSS^SSSS? MILITARY PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH M. F. BY TITE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 EDWAKDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 10 4 PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE. 4 Acts; 2>4 hours.. 10 4 CAI'TAIX DICK. 3 Acts; 11^ hours 9 6 ISABEL, THE PEARL OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 3 BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 RURAL PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 214 hours :... 8 4 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2}^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 GREAT ^VINTERSON MINE. 3Acts;2hour8 6 4 SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 2 TTHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour... 6 3 LETTER FROM HOME. 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(15 cents) 11 8 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. 5SS$$SS$SS$S$$SSSSSSS$SSS$$$SSSSSSSS$5$$SSSSS$SS$J LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 5SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS COMEDIES AND 25 CENTS EA 017 400 433 A BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours 6 BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 11 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 9 DEACON. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 8 DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 muiutes 3 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acte;2hour8 6 EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2)^ hours 5 GYPSY" QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; li^ hours 4 JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 21^ hours 6 JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2V^ hours 9 MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours 13 NEXT DOOR. 3Act8;2hour8 5 PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 liours 4 ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hour8 5 SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2i^ hours 6 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 23^ hours 5 WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2i^ hours 7 WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2»^ hours 4 3 6 3 4 6 10 5 4 4 3 3' 6 3 4 6 4 4 9 4 3 4 3 4 3 WESTERN PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH ROCKY FORD. 4Act8;2hour8 8 3 GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 3 RED ROSETTE. 3Act8; 2 hours 6 3 MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2i^ hours ... 5 8 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 CRA^VFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2M hours. 9 3 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y.