Price 
 15 Cents 
 
 Two A 
 Merry Wagers 
 
 A FARCE 
 
 By 
 
 Edna Randolph 
 Worrell 
 
 Copyright, 1914 
 By March Brothers 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, PubUshers 
 
 208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., Lebanon, Ohio 
 
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TWO MERRY 
 WAGERS 
 
 A FARCE 
 
 By 
 
 Edna Randolph Worrell 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
 
 208, 210, 212 WRIGHT AVE., LEBANON, OHIO 
 
T^^^ 
 M^"^ 
 
 < 
 
 7.<\ 
 
 Copyright, 1914, 
 By March Brothers. 
 
 TMP92-007637 
 
 AUG-6i9l<f- 
 
 ©ao 37763 
 
Characters. 
 
 Maude Warren, a society girl (modish morning 
 gown ) . 
 
 Gr^\ce Gay, friend to Maude (street costume). 
 
 James Craig Montgomery, man about town 
 (top boots, riding breeches, short coat). 
 
 Bridget, Irish servant (black dress, white cap 
 and apron). 
 
TWO MERRY WAGERS 
 
 A Farce 
 
 BY 
 
 EDNA RANDOLPH WORRELL 
 
 ScE^-a.— Breakfast room in the Warren house- 
 hold Table and tzvo chairs center. Two other 
 chairs should he placed zvell front to extreme 
 right and left of stage. Exits,, center and left. 
 
 Time. — Morning. 
 
 (Curtain rises on Bridget polishing glasses on 
 table. She glances at clock before speaknig.) 
 
 Bridget Tin o'clock and Miss Maude not up 
 yet ' Sure it must be grand to be a young lady 
 niver puttin' a foot to the floor till it's toime to 
 dress for a party! She wint to six parties yis- 
 tiddy and the loikes of thim I niver heard. Hrst 
 she went to a five-hundred party. Monid the 
 cize of that now! Thin she wint to a lunch 
 party (Bridget stops to check number ott on 
 fingers.) Thin there was a box-party at the 
 the-ay-ter, which makes me roar with laughter 
 to think of Miss Maude settin' on a box when she 
 could have a whole row of iligant vilvet chairs 
 if she wanted thim! Thin she wmt to a tango 
 lay pa-^y ^^hat's a brand I niver tasted, and 
 
6 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 
 
 I'm over fond of tay ! Til be askin' Mis' War- 
 reu to order a pound the nixt toime she phones 
 to the store. After that she wint to a dinner 
 party and thin I heard her say she she mit some- 
 body at a bridge; a quare place for a young 
 lady to be goin' at noight, I'm thinkin' ! I'm 
 glad she didn't mate me and Pat there! (Bell 
 rings.) That's letters. (Goes to door [center] 
 and takes mail from box, sorts and reads ad- 
 dresses aloud.) Miss Maude Warren, Miss 
 Warren, Miss Maude, Miss Maude, Miss War- 
 ren, all for Miss Maude — and from gintlemen, 
 I'll be bound! (Sighs heavily. She then places 
 the letters one by one on the table, examining 
 them as she continues her monologue.) That 
 writin' looks loike the tall thin gintleman ; and 
 this is loike the short fat one ; and that's from 
 the doctor, bold as ye plase with his name in the 
 corner ! This one is iligant enough for the 
 gintleman with the diamond scarf pin, and this 
 looks as much loike the red-headed gintleman as 
 writin' could look loike a head o' hair. They're 
 all crazy about her, too ; one just as much as the 
 other, but it's me private opinion publicly ex- 
 prissed that she doesn't care a turn of her pretty 
 little head for any of thim. (She drops a let- 
 ter.) They do say that droppin' a letter manes 
 a widdin to the house, but I'll bet myself a foine 
 new bonnet that the groom won't be any of thim 
 that hangs around now, he'll be somebody dif- 
 ferent entirely. 
 
 (Enter Maude, left.) 
 
TWO MERRY WAGERS. 
 
 Maude. Good morning, Bridget! Did I hear 
 you talking to any one? 
 
 ^ Bridget. Good mormng, Miss! No, Miss! 
 I was oniy remarkin' to meself that I d be buym 
 meself a foine- new bonnet one of these days. 
 What will ye have for breakfast, Miss f 
 
 Maude. Nothing much, just half a grape- 
 fruit and some cofifee. (Maude seats herself 
 back of table, facing audience. Bridget places 
 fruit in front of Maude and exits left.) 
 
 Maude (continuing). What a lot of mail 
 (She opens letters one by one, readmg them 
 aloud Letters should be written out and num- 
 bered to be taken up in proper order.) 
 
 -My dear Miss Maude- Accept the heartiest 
 congratulations and best wishes of Y^^u^^ ,?^^ 
 
 ^' What on earth does he mean ! He must think 
 it's my birthday ! 
 
 "Mr John Foster Earle— 
 
 ''As years about your life entwine, 
 May happiness be ever thine." 
 That sounds like a birthday card, too. isn t 
 it funny! I wonder if there are any more like 
 
 '%'ear Maude-l have just heard the happy 
 news. Mav I call and give you my best wishes 
 in person?' Phone me that I may come, pro- 
 '"ded, of course, that I do not make a crowd. 
 Three is not company, you know. ^, 
 
 Cordially, . ^J^^I-^^, 
 
 Well I never! Isn't this too comicah i h e 
 plot thickens," as they say m melodrama, some 
 
8 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 
 
 body surely is playing a joke. Here's a letter 
 from Dr. Harrington, maybe he'll enlighten me. 
 
 "My Dear Miss IVarrcn — You have certainly 
 stolen a march on us all. How did you ever 
 manage it? I'm all broken up about it, but I 
 suppose I'll have to accept it the same as the 
 other fellows. Forgive me if I am saying too 
 much and be assured that I hope everything is 
 for the best." 
 
 Mercy ! There is no birthday greeting about 
 that, it sounds more like a condolence. I won- 
 der what I have done. Maybe I've been walk- 
 ing in my sleep and eloped — or something. 
 
 (Enter Bridget with box.) 
 
 Bridget. A messenger just brought this. Miss. 
 
 Mar^dr (opening box). Roses! How lovely ! 
 I wonder who sent them. (Searches for card.) 
 Why, there is no card. Did the boy say who 
 sent them ? 
 
 Bridget. No, Miss ; nary a name did he spake 
 but your own. 
 
 Maude. No matter. Fix them prettily in a 
 vase for me. That's a good girl. (Exit Bridget 
 with flow^ers. Maude continues thoughtfully.) 
 Those flowers are part of the joke. Here is a 
 letter in a strange hand ; ma3^be this will en- 
 lighten me. 
 
 "My Dear Young Friend — May an old com- 
 rade of your father's send congratulations to the 
 daughter whom he has never seen? I have just 
 learned of your brilliant prospects and I hasten 
 to express my satisfaction at your good fortune. 
 Give my regards to your father, my compliments 
 
TWO MERRY WAGERS. 9 
 
 to your mother, and believe me, my dear Miss 
 Warren, to be your most obedient servant. 
 
 Caspar Ogden." 
 
 That's no joke, anyhow. I wonder what it all 
 means. I'm beginning to feel dizzy. 
 
 ( Enter Grace Ga}^ from the back center, put- 
 ting hands over Maude's eyes.) 
 
 Grace. Guess ! 
 
 Maude. I know, Grace Gay ; no one but you 
 would think of scaring a body to death before 
 breakfast. Sit down, dear. (Grace takes other 
 chair at table.) I am awfully glad to see you. 
 I have about a million questions I want to ask. 
 
 Grace. And Fm crazy to see you. I came 
 the first minute I could get away. I want you 
 to tell me all about it. 
 
 Maude. All about what r 
 
 Grace. Miss Innocence ! 
 
 Maude. What do you mean? 
 
 Grace. What — do — I — mean ! \\'ell, that is 
 a good one, when you have taken the whole town 
 into your confidence. I always considered my- 
 self your most intimate friend, and expected to 
 be your bridesmaid, but I see I'm to be left out ! 
 
 Maude. Indeed, Grace, I don't know what 
 you are talking about. Won't you stop your 
 teasing? 
 
 Grace. You're the one that's teasing. 
 
 Maude. Truly I'm not. I'm almost dis- 
 tracted trying to understand a lot of letters that 
 came this morning. Somebody is playing a prac- 
 tical joke on me and you are evidently in the 
 secret. I think you're real mean. (Wipes eyes.) 
 
10 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 
 
 Grace. Why, Maude, I'm as serious as a dic- 
 tionary. 
 
 Maude. Well, somebody is joking anyhow; 
 read that, and that, and that, and that. (Throws 
 letters in Grace's lap. Grace reads to herself.) 
 
 Grace. Do you really mean to say you don't 
 know ? 
 
 Maude (tearfully). No — I — don't! 
 
 Grace. Why, they are about your engage- 
 ment, of course. 
 
 Maude. My engagement ! 
 
 Grace. Yes. Aren't you ? 
 
 Maude. Engaged? No! To whom? 
 
 When? Where? 
 
 Grace. Didn't you see last evening's paper? 
 
 Maude. I only read the fashions and the 
 jokes. Why? 
 
 Grace. I'll tell you in a minute. (Produces 
 clipping from bag.) I saved this clipping. Lis- 
 ten. *'The engagement of Miss Maude Warren, 
 daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Henry C. Warren, to 
 Mr. James Craig Montgomery is announced." 
 
 Maude. Oh!. Oh! Oh! Isn't that awful ! 
 
 Grace. Then it really isn't true? 
 
 Maude. No! No! Of course it's not ! 
 
 Grace. I don't know why it's — "of course," 
 he's rich and good looking, with a whole regi- 
 ment of ancestors. 
 
 Maude. Why, I don't knozv him. I never 
 met him. I never even sazv him, except when 
 we passed on horseback in the park. But, oh 
 Grace, (dreamily) I couldn't help noticing how 
 beautifully he rode, and his eyes are perfectly 
 

 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 11 
 
 lovely. I really think I could care for him if I 
 had the chance — but, now — oh ! oh ! oh ! What 
 will he ever think of me ! (Walks up and down 
 in agitation.) 
 
 Grace. No doubt he's very much flattered to 
 have been chosen by the belle of the town. 
 
 Maude. Oh, Grace, how can you ! Besides, 
 they say he's a woman hater. (Puts head on 
 table and cries.) 
 
 Grace (leaning over her). Come, cheer up. 
 It might be a great deal worse. Suppose you 
 were engaged to a Hottentot. 
 
 Bridget (entering). A gintleman to see you. 
 Miss; a brand new one! (Hands card to 
 to Maude.) 
 
 Maude (reading card). James Craig Mont- 
 gomery. Oh, Grace, he's here! (Jumps up and 
 runs about table, Grace following her.) What 
 shall I do ? Where shall I go ? How can I hide ? 
 
 Grace. Don't get so excited. 
 
 Maude. I can't help it, I can never, never see 
 him in the wide, wide world. 
 
 Bridget (wildly waving her apron). Sure, 
 Miss, ye don't have to, I'll defind ye wid me loife I 
 
 Grace (to Maude). Oh yes, you can. (To 
 Bridget). The gentleman isn't an ogre, Bridget. 
 I don't think you'll come to blows. 
 
 Maude. I can't see him, I tell you, I can't ! 
 I'd simply die ! 
 
 Grace. Not while you're looking as healthy 
 as you do now. You're making as much fuss 
 as if you'd seen a mouse. Just stay and face the 
 
12 TWO AIERRY WAGERS. 
 
 music. Here! (Gives Maude powder-puff and 
 glass from vanity bag.) 
 
 Maude (catching her breath and dabbing her 
 nose with the puff). I — suppose — it — is — best. 
 
 Grace. Shall I stay and hold your hand? 
 
 Maude. No, dear; I think I can get along 
 better with him alone ; but don't go far, I might 
 need you. Show the gentleman in, Bridget. 
 
 Bridget. Yes, Miss, and don't be afraid. Just 
 scramc and I'll come a runnin'. (Exit Grace 
 left and Bridget center. Enter Montgomery 
 center. They bow.) 
 
 Montgomery. Miss Warren. 
 
 Maude. Mr. Montgomery. 
 
 (They bow again.) 
 
 Maude. Pray, be seated, 
 
 Montgomery. Thank you. (He bows again 
 and waits till Maude has seated herself on chair 
 to left of platform. He then takes the one to 
 right.) 
 
 Maude (after pause during which both glance 
 at each other, then turn away). May I know to 
 Avhat circumstance I am indebted for this call ? 
 
 Montgomery. Certainly, certainly. I was 
 about to explain. I hope you will pardon me 
 for coming at so early an hour but — 
 
 Maude. But what, Mr. Montgomery? 
 
 Montgomery. The fact is. Miss Warren, I 
 came on rather a peculiar errand. 
 
 Maude. Indeed ? 
 
 Montgomery. Yes, yes, a very peculiar er- 
 rand. I might say an extraordinary errand. 
 (Silence. Pantomime of glances repeated.) 
 
TWO MERRY WAGERS. 13 
 
 Maude (after pause). Proceed. 
 Montgomery. Yes, yes, certainly. T was 
 about to do so, er — ah — I never call on young 
 ladies. 
 
 Maude. So I would suppose. 
 Montgomery. Miss Warren, you are cruel. 
 Maude. The suspense you are keeping me in 
 is still more so. 
 
 Montgomery. True, true, pardon me again; 
 but the matter is a very delicate one. Um — er — 
 ah — may I ask if you saw, ah, my name coupled 
 with yours in last evening's paper? 
 
 Maude. I was informed of such a notice this 
 morning. Can you explain it? (Icily.) 
 
 Montgomery. That is what I came to do, 
 though I was' as much surprised as you at the 
 announcement. As I said before, I never call 
 on young ladies. Please do not think strangely 
 of me for making that remark, but I have always 
 held them in such high regard that I never cared 
 to visit any of them until I saw one that I 
 " thought I could make my wife. 
 
 Maude (aside). Then he isn't a woman hater 
 after all. 
 
 (Silence, while chairs are drawn closer.) 
 Montgomery. To continue, some friends of 
 mine, for a joke, bet that they could make me call 
 on any girl they might select. I took the bet, 
 feeling sure I would win. They invented this 
 unusual way of bringing me to you, and it is they 
 who have won, as T am here to make amends as 
 best I may. Will you forgive me for the unwit- 
 
14 TWO MERRY WAGERS. 
 
 ting part I have taken in this unfortunate affair? 
 (Draws his chair nearer to Maude's.) 
 
 Maude (doing same). Indeed, I do forgive 
 you, Mr. Montgomery; you may say we are 
 fellow sufferers. 
 
 Montgomery. I am not a sufferer, Miss War- 
 ren ; I am deeply grateful for any circumstances 
 that could have brought us together. 
 
 Maude. You are very kind. 
 
 Montgomery. I have always longed to meet 
 you. 
 
 Maude. Oh, Mr. Montgomery! 
 
 (Chairs are now quite close.) 
 
 Montgomery. Won't you tell me what I can 
 do in this matter? 
 
 Maude (turning head away). I suppose the 
 proper thing to do is — to break — our — engage- 
 ment. 
 
 Montgomery. As you like. Miss Warren; but 
 why not be engaged for a while on trial? We 
 have often seen each other in the park and I 
 fancied when our glances met that your look was 
 not unkindly. Am I right? 
 
 Maude (faintly). Yes. 
 
 Montgomery. And so, since I am not dis- 
 tasteful to you, could we not let the announce- 
 ment stand, to the world at least, and then — if 
 you could care — as — I — do now — no one need 
 ever know that we were not. Shall we ? 
 
 Maude. This is so sudden. (Gives him both 
 her hands.) 
 
 Montgomery. Then I have lost a bet but won 
 a wife. (Montgomery starts to take her in his 
 
TWO MERRY WAGERS. 15 
 
 arms when Bridget enters hastily with flowers in 
 hand.) 
 
 Bridget. Beg pardon for interrupting but 
 there is nary a vase in the house big enough for 
 this bunch. (In loud whisper to Maude). Do 
 ye nade any assistance, Miss? 
 
 Maude (laughing). No, Bridget. Go call 
 Miss Grace. 
 
 Montgomery (taking flowers from Bridget, 
 who exits left). These are my peace offering — 
 to my bride-to-be. 
 
 Maude. Did you send them ? I didn't know. 
 They are perfect — like our romance. (Enter 
 Grace and Bridget. Maude embraces Grace.) 
 Oh, Grace, just think, dear, you are to be my 
 bridesmaid after all. Allow me to introduce my 
 future husband, Mr. Montgomery. Mr. Mont- 
 gomery, Miss Gay. (They bow.) 
 
 Bridget. Excuse me. But I'd loike to have 
 an hour off, Miss, to buy meself a foine new bon- 
 net. (Maude and Montgomery center, Grace 
 left, Bridget right.) 
 
 Curtain. 
 
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 How to get one ¥7*»^^ 
 
 of these big flags K 166 
 
 Your scholars will gladly contribute five cents each for the flag. 
 Or, divide the schoo linto "teams," and have a contest to see 
 which team can raise the most money for the flag. Or, send 
 us thirty cents fort hree dozen very finelittle silk fliigs. These 
 your scholars can sel I for five cents each, proceeds to go towards 
 the purchase of a flag. Or, give an entertainment and with the 
 proceeds buy a flag and a library. The people want you to have 
 a flag, and they will help. 
 
 Don't Delay— Do It Now! 
 
 MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 
 
 208, 210, 212 Wright Avenue, LEBANON, OHIO