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THE 
 
 EXPERIENCES 
 
 or 
 
 FIVE CHRISTIAN INDIANS 
 
 or THK 
 
 PCqiJOD TRIB£. 
 
 PUBLISHED E;r 
 
 WILLIAM ^BES, 
 
 Su bsequently a Missionary of that Tribe^ and author of 
 «' The Son of the Forest," _ _ 
 
 " Go ye therefore and teach all nations, bapti2ing them in the name of the Father, 
 and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost ; teaching them to observe all things whatso- 
 ever 1 have commanded you j and lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of 
 the world. Amen." Matt. xx. 19,20. 
 
 iw4 
 
 ■»*♦* 
 
 .n 
 
 BOSTON: 
 
 PRINTED BY JAMES B. DOW. 
 
 1833. 
 
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 "\ l^ 
 
 Entered according to act of Congress, in the year eighteen 
 hundred thirty three, by William Apes, in the Clerk'» 
 Office of the District of Massachusetts. 
 
 '%.. 
 
EXPERIENCE 
 
 OF THE 
 
 MISSIONARY- 
 
 It is not my intention to descend to particulars in this 
 pamphlet, any farther, than to notice the origin of my life, 
 for the purpose of giving the youth a transient view between 
 their condition and mine ; or those poor children of the 
 forest, who have had taken from them their once delightful 
 plains, and homes of their peaceful habitations ; their fathers 
 and mothers torn from their dwellings, and they left to 
 mourn, and drop a tear, and die, over the ruins of their 
 ancient sires. Perhaps you may ask, why is this ? I an- 
 swer, because of deception and power, assisted with the 
 fiery waters of the earth — Rum. Such, my young friends, 
 was the case of this poor self-taught Indian youth, whose 
 experience you are about to read. 
 
 My parentage, according to the custom of the country, 
 was none of the least — being the descendant of a Chief, or 
 the head officer of the nation. But this availed nothing 
 with me ; the land of my fathers was gone ; and their char- 
 acters were not known, as human beings,— but as beasts of 
 prey. We were represented as having no souls to save, or 
 to lose ; but as partridges upon the mountains. All these 
 degrading tides were heaped upon us. Thus you see, we 
 had to bear all this tide of degradation ; while prejudice, 
 stung every white man, from the oldest to the youngest, to 
 the very centre of the heart. 
 
 It was thought no crime for old and young to hiss at the 
 poor Indians, the noblest work of God, who had met with 
 
great misfortunes, and lost every thing they had, by those 
 very persons who despised them ; — yea, look which way 
 they would, they could see no friends, nor even hear a 
 pleasant sound from the lips of the white. Yea, there was 
 but little help for them. 
 
 When you read this, ask yourselves if ever you had such 
 trials ? If not, begin now to prize your privileges, and show 
 pity to those whose fates are wretched and cruel. I shall 
 now enter more fully upon my experience in childhood. — 
 It will be well to speak to the point ; I shall make but few 
 remarks here, as I intend publishing, should the Lord spare 
 my life, a book of three hundred pages, ISmo. in size ;and 
 there, the reader will find particulars respecting my life. 
 
 My parents were of the same disposition of the Indians — • 
 that is, to wander to and fro. And although my father was 
 partly white, yet he had so much of the native blood, that 
 he fashioned after them in travelling from river to river, and 
 from mountain to mountain, and plain to plain, on their jour- 
 ney. 
 
 I was born atColerain, Massachusetts, A.D. 1798, on the 
 30th day of January. We lived here but a few months, 
 and then removed to Colchester, Connecticut, within about 
 twelve miles of our native tribe — and there, to my sad mis- 
 fortune, my father and mother parted ; I being at this lime 
 but a babe, being not more than three years old, and I saw 
 my mother's face no more for twenty years. I was then 
 placed with my grand parents, on my mothers' side ; who, 
 my readers, were not the best people in the world ; for they 
 would at times drink New-England Rum, and then I was 
 neglected. How awful it is to have parents who will drink 
 spirituous liquors or alcohol, and by that to neglect their 
 dear litde children and leave them to suffer. You will see 
 how much I had to suffer on the account of rum. 
 
 During my stay with the old folks, our fare was hard, 
 there being five children of us, and our fare was about 
 equal as to earthly comforts. Sometimes we had something 
 to eat, and at other times, nothing. Many are the times in 
 which we have gone to bed supperless, to rest our little 
 weary limbs, stretched upon a bundle of straw ; and how 
 thankful we were for this comfort ; and in the morning we 
 were thankful to get a cold potatoe for our breakfasts. We 
 
thought it good fare. There was a white man who lived 
 about a mile off, and he would, at times, bring us some 
 frozen milk, which for a time supplied the calls of nature. 
 We suffered thus from the cold ; the calls of nature, as 
 with almost nakedness ; and calumny heaped upon us by 
 the whites to an intense degree. 
 
 Little children, how thankful you ought to be that you 
 are not in the same condition that we were — that you have 
 not a nation to hiss at you, merely because your skins are 
 white. 1 am sure that I rejoice for you, that it is not the 
 case. — But to proceed : — At a certain time when my grand- 
 mother had been out among the whites, with her baskets 
 and brooms, and had fomented herself with the fiery waters 
 of the earth, so that she had lost her reason and judgment, 
 and in this fit of intoxication, raged most bitterly; and in 
 the mean time fell to beating me most cruelly ; calling for 
 whips, at the same time, of unnatural size, to beat me with : 
 and asking me at the same time, question after question, if I 
 hated her? And 1 would say yes, at every question ; and 
 the reason why, was, because Iknew no other form of words. 
 Thus I was beaten, until my poor little body was mangled, 
 and my little arm broken into three pieces ; and in this hor- 
 rible situation, left for a while. And had it not been for an 
 uncle of mine, who lived in the other part of the old hut, 
 I think that she would have finished my days ; but through the 
 goodness of God I was snatched from an untimely grave. 
 
 The white man will say, ' What cruel creatures to use 
 children so ! If I could see tliat this blame was attached 
 to the poor degraded Indians, I should not have one word 
 to say. But when not a whit of it belongs to them, I have 
 the more to &ay.' My sufferings certainly were through the 
 white man's measure ; for they most certainly brought spir- 
 ituous liquors first amongst my people. For surely no such 
 sufferings were heard of, or known amongst our people, 
 until that burning curse and demon of despair came 
 amongst us : surely it came through the hands of the whites. 
 Surely the red man had never sought to destroy one anoth- 
 er as this bane of hell would ! And we little babes of the 
 forest had to suffer much on its account, O white man ! 
 how can you account to God for this ? Are you not afraid 
 
 1* 
 
that the children of the forest will rise up in judgment 
 and condemn you ? 
 
 Little children, if you have parents that drink the fiery 
 waters, do all you can, both by your tears and prayers, and 
 friendly admonitions, to persuade them to stop ; for it will 
 most certainly ruin them, if they persist in it. But to pro- 
 ceed. 1 did not long continue in this situation ; but was 
 relieved from it by my uncle making his complaint to the 
 selectmen of the town, who took up my case and placed 
 me for awhile amongst some of the white neighbors, until I 
 was healed of my wounds ; although it was a year before I 
 was able to help myself much, without aid. Being now 
 about five or six years old, it was agreed upon that I should 
 live with this white family until I had arrived at the age of 
 twenty -one. They being Baptist people, and having no 
 children of their own, became more fond of me than is 
 usual for people to be, of adopted children, and treated me 
 with the utmost kindness ; and particularly Mrs. Fairmon, 
 who was very kind and generous. And as they had agreed 
 to send me to school — accordingly, when I had arrived at 
 the age of six years, they sent me to school. And this they 
 continued to do for six successive winters, which was about 
 all the education that I received. The amount of benefit 
 which I have received from this, none can tell. To God 
 be all the praise. 
 
 Things began now to wear a different aspect ; and my 
 little heart began again to be expanded, and I began to be 
 inquisitive about many things. At times, the children of 
 God would assemble around me, to worship the Great Spirit 
 — something new to me. Of course T listened with great 
 attention. Their songs were sweet, and as the oil of joy 
 no doubt was in their hearts to indiie their petitions, to nerve 
 their admonitions, to send home the word to the hearts of 
 those who heard it, doubtless made it the more interesting. 
 And so it caught my youthful heart ; being a constant hear- 
 er of these things. And my mind became more knitted 
 together with them. And I would question Mrs. Fairmon 
 respecting these things. She would give me a great many 
 good wholesome admonitions, and tell me, the young must 
 die as well as the old 5 and often point me to the grave- 
 
yard, and cite me to small graves, and warn me to prepare 
 to die It would leave a powerful effect upon my mind, 
 which was not easily effaced. 1 recollect the first time I 
 visited a chapel for the worship of God. It bemg a new 
 place, and looking, to me, somewhat fine to the eye, I took 
 ^reat liberties, was something like a country clown passing 
 through populous villages and cities, starmg all the while 
 upon those fine piles of buildings which he saw ; or like a 
 rabble of boys and girls going to church to hear the IndiaQ 
 preach: something so indeed, and so much so, that Host 
 mv balance of behaviour; and when I returned I received 
 a short address, accompanied with a handsome present, that 
 I have not vet forgotten : it weighed well with me, so that 
 forever afterwards, 1 was enabled to keep my balance welU 
 It would be well for heads of families to supply their chil- 
 dren with such presents, when needed ; it would save the 
 country from much disgrace. But to proceed. When 1 
 was about eight years old, the preaching of the Gospel 
 powerfully affected my mind, although 1 was ignorant ot 
 [he plan of salvation, through Jesus Christ; but I had no 
 doubt but the word was spoken with divme authority, which 
 not only drew tears of contrition from me, but from 
 many others. But being small, and of little note in the 
 world, no one supposed that I wanted religion. 
 
 In those days, the aged thought the youth were not sub- 
 iects of grace ; such is the fact, although it may be surpris- 
 in<- to many,— so there was none to comfort the little Indian 
 boV How different now I Lord, help the youth who are 
 exalted to heaven in point of privileges, so to prize them, 
 that they might not be thrust down to hell. 
 
 I would remark here, that many rise up against this doc- 
 trine : but why not rise up against, or in opposition to, the 
 States' prison ? and house of correction ? and even the 
 eallows itself; these are places to punish the people tor 
 their crimes. Some say, their crimes are punished here ; 
 indeed, this is a new doctrine : whoever saw a crime in the 
 States' prison locked up to hard labor ; or whoever saw a 
 crime hung up by the neck ? How absurd then to delineate 
 such doctrine. Crime is a crime, and stands for what it is, 
 let scoffers say what they will— may grace be imparted to 
 
8 
 
 enlighten our eyes. But to return. For the profiting of the i 
 youth, I would speak a little further of the exercises of! 
 my mind. Although they could not believe that I wanted 
 religion, yet the Spirit of the Lord followed me daily ; and 
 my mind was so overwhelmed that I could hardly contain 
 myself to rest, without giving vent to my feelings. But 
 little did the people with whom I lived, think that I wag 
 serious about a future state; and although 1 pould weep to 
 be at church, yet they would deny me at times, saying, 1 
 only wanted to look at the boys and play with them Those 
 sudden rebuffs would dampen my serious thoughts, and 1 
 would turn away to wicked paths of vice, and unite with 
 wicked boys ; and break the Sabbath, by wandering to and 
 fro about the swamps, hedges, ponds and brooks, sporting 
 with whatever came in our way. But when I came home 
 at night, and retired to rest, the darkness itself was a terror 
 to me ; as I would picture to my imagination, that the fiends 
 of night stood around me, ready to devour me. Then I 
 would cry to the Lord to have mercy upon my poor soul, 
 and promise him if he would spare me, 1 would do better. 
 But, when the darkness was past, I, like Pharaoh, forgot my 
 promise : thus I was led on by wicked youths until I was 
 almost ruined ; until I was persuaded to leave my home, 
 and wander to and fro to seek my bread. This displeased 
 Mr. Fairmon ; he supposing I had become discontented, 
 had sought me out another place, without my consent, which 
 displeased me, and made me more discontented than ever ; 
 I being at this time, about ten years of age, entirely unfit to 
 choose for myself But so it was ; I was alone in the 
 world, fatherless, motherless and helpless, as it were, and 
 none to speak for the poor little Indian boy. Had my skin 
 been white, with the same abilities and the same parentage, 
 there could not have been found a place good enough for 
 me. But such is the case with depraved nature, that their 
 judgment for fancy only sets upon the eye, skin, nose, lips, 
 cheeks, chin or teeth, and sometimes, the forehead and 
 hair — without any further examination the mind is made up 
 and the price set. This is something like buying chaff for 
 wheat, or twigs of wood for solid substance. 
 
 But to proced with our story. The place that he had 
 
procured for me, was with a people professing religion, 
 that belonged to the Presbyterian church, and withal very 
 strict. They also thought much of themselves ; he being 
 formerly a Judge, likewise a member of Congress, in the 
 House of Representatives, and had sufficient to supply all 
 the common calls of life, for all his household. I went to 
 try my new home ; and while there on trial, they used me 
 pretty fairly ; made me a few presents suited to please chil- 
 dren, he. They had now secured my favor, as they thought 
 — the agreement was now made that I should have cloth- 
 ing and schooling, so as to read and write, and plenty of 
 work. Now this man is what is generally called an 
 enlightened christian. 
 
 But let us look at his proceedings, and see if he was ac- 
 tuated by the spirit of Christ, or the custom of the day : 
 hear, and then decide. And there was work enough. 
 This part of the bargain was completely fulfilled on his 
 part, and that was all. As to my fare, it was none of the 
 best, though middling : it was not so bad as I have seen — 
 I mean my table fare and lodging ; but when we came to 
 the clothing part, it was mean enough, I can assure you. 
 I was not fit to be seen any where amongst decent folks, 
 and of course there was no meeting for me to attend, al- 
 though 1 had a desire. But this good man did not care 
 much about the Indian boy. He wished to hear me read : 
 I could make out to spell a few words — and the judge said, 
 * you are a good reader.' — I hope he was a better judge 
 at law. Now some may think hard ; but truth will stand. 
 Now the judge had family prayers, and was exact in 
 having all his family to hear him pray — so he would always 
 have a repetition of words, and I soon could pray as well 
 as him ; and of course I did not care for his prayers any 
 longer. I would remark, however, that a colored woman, 
 who had lived with the judge for many years, told me, that 
 he once prayed, though previous to it there was one of the 
 most powerful thunderstorms that ever was known in these 
 parts ; and after he had made that prayer he forgot to pray 
 again. [ expect there are many such in the world. But 
 to proceed. The poor little Indian boy, when the Sabbath 
 came, had no where to go to worship God ; and so, like all 
 
10 
 
 other little boys who are left alone in the world, would 
 stroll about the lots and meditate upon past times, and lis- 
 ten to the litde songsters of the forest, which would chaunt 
 the praise of God for me, while there was none to take me 
 by the hand and lead me to the holy place, or to the foun- 
 tam of blessedness. Now, if my face had been white, it 
 would have been a town talk. But as it was an Indian 
 face, no matter whether it was dirty or poor, or whether I 
 had clothing or not. But the judge has gone to the great 
 Judge above, who will do right. I would not live whh him, 
 and he sold me, as a farmer would sell his sheep for the 
 skughter, without any of my knowledge whatever, to Mr. 
 Wilhams, of New London ; and through hypocrisy alone 
 they carried me along to my place of destination. I had 
 now arrived at the age of about eleven years and a half, 
 and now I found that I had a new home ; and in fact-, I 
 was not so much displeased with it as some might suppose, 
 for now I found myself in a comfortable situation— enough 
 to eat and drink, and things comfortable to wear ; whereas 
 before, I was quite destitute of many things. This improve- 
 ment somewhat settled my mind, and I became more con- 
 tented. But soon I found that all his household wished 
 me to become their servant, from the cook to the clerk. 
 Ihis I did not stomach well; it was too much for one to 
 bear, to call every man ' master.' I thought it beneath my 
 dignity ; of course there was war in the wigwam, —who 
 should be master. But Mr. Williams settled with us all, 
 and with me in particular, as he said he meant to make me 
 a good boy ; but at the same time told me, that I must 
 obey the heads of his family, and all this was perfectly 
 right ; and some good, I think, was accomplished. How- 
 ever, 1 never cried out, like the poor African, ' Massa, 
 Massa— Mister, Mister, ' but called them by their regular 
 names. 
 
 Things now went on smoothly for some time. The 
 General and his family generally attended the Congregation- 
 al church or society on the Sabbath, to hear the word of 
 God dispensed ; though neither he nor his family were re- 
 ligious, yet they used to be often there ; and their example 
 was good, so far as it went ; and so I had an opportunity to 
 
11 
 
 attend with them. My mind was much occupied about 
 those who preach the gospel, there being a difference be- 
 tween those who preach and those who read. 1 could dis- 
 cover this ; the preaching that I formerly attended was 
 with divine power, which made the language of the speaker 
 eloquent and sublime ; and withal, called the attention of 
 those who heard it, to seek the salvation of their souls ; 
 while that of the latter, being a selection of fine sentences, 
 and read off in an elegant style, which only seemed to 
 please the ear and lull the people to sleep. How much 
 better then to study and trust in God, than to study and 
 trust to head and pen ; for a curse is pronounced upon all 
 such : * Cursed is he that putteth his trust in an arm of 
 flesh ; ' and what is the difference, whether a preacher 
 puts it in his own arm, or the arm of his neighbor ? Now I 
 have not said this because I am biassed by any sectarian 
 principle whatever ; I should condemn it in one sect as 
 much as in another. But what said our Lord ? He said to 
 his servants, ' Go and preach the gospel to every crea- 
 ture.' Why did he not say — Go, read my gospel to every 
 creature ? Therefore no man who reads his sermon, can 
 be justified in so doing ; for Jesus has said, ^ Now are ye 
 my disciples, if ye do whatsoever! have commanded you.* 
 And if they who are the servants of God go astray, and do 
 wrong continually, and place things where they ought noi 
 to be, no wonder the churches are all the time in commo- 
 tion. But to proceed. 
 
 After I had attended the meeting a while, I had a desire 
 to attend a methodist meeting, in the same neighborhood. 
 This was altogether new to me ; but it was interesting to 
 attend them, and so much so, that I desired to be a con- 
 stant attendant of them. By these meetings I was led to 
 look more into the plan of salvation — that it was free for 
 all ; * Whosoever would, let him come and take of the wa- 
 ters of life freely.' 
 
 It was now that the Lord began to revive his work. The 
 powers of darkness began to gather round, that the light of 
 the gospel might be shut out. Beelzebub was busy, both 
 day and night, to prevent good. He employed all that 
 would work for him, from the pharisee to the educated 
 
12 
 
 scholar in the desk — even down to the peasant and drunk- 
 ard that reeled around in gutters and mud-puddles in the 
 street. It was now that these people had to suffer much ; 
 they were openly called the scum and filth of the earth, 
 deceivers, and, in a word, all the calumny that could be 
 heaped upon them, by those who ought to have known bet- 
 ter. It was said, that it was a disgrace for any character 
 of respectability to attend these meetings. But I can say 
 this much about it — -I believe it arose from sectarian bigots. 
 Not that I could suppose that they, [the methodists,] were 
 free from it ; but have as much as their neighbors ; and it 
 is the case with all sects, that they are more or less bigoted. 
 And if they are, they need not join with the devil's crew, 
 to do all the hurt they can to one another. This, to me, 
 does not look much like religion. 
 
 But the work of God rolled on, like an overwhelming 
 flood. Persecution seemed to cement the hearts of the 
 brethren and sisters together, and their songs were sweet. 
 Their prayers and exhortations were hke arrows sticking in 
 the heart of their King's enemy ; while the preachers 
 poured the thunders of the law upon them, as if God him- 
 self had spoken to them, as he did to the children of Israel 
 from Mount Sinai, that they should fear and tremble at his 
 word. 
 
 My heart now became much troubled, and I felt deter- 
 mined to seek the salvation of my soul, for their sayings 
 did not affect me much — (although they did not want me 
 to attend their meetings,) though I had neither respectabil- 
 ity nor character to lose, but was like the partridge upon the 
 mountain, a mark for them all to shoot at, and hiss at, and 
 quack at, — which often put me in mind of the geese and 
 crows. 
 
 But notwithstanding, this sectarian nonsense raged most 
 bitterly, and I do suppose that they who could help it would 
 not be willing for their dogs to go there to meeting, for fear 
 of bringing disgrace upon themselves. — I would to God 
 that people were more consistent than what they are. Say, 
 would you like to lose every thing that was near and dear 
 to you, merely because your skin is white ? 1 had to do 
 it, merely because I had a red one. Judge ye if this is 
 
13 
 
 rkht; and if not, stop where you are, and cease to do 
 evil and learn to do well But again ; as 1 had no charac 
 ter to lose, 1 became a constant attendant on these meet- 
 ngs, and dthouo^h a sinner before God yet 1 had nodispo- 
 ^Uon to make s^ort of the people of God, or his word 
 Whv I mention this is, because so many go on puipose 
 to sport with one another, and make derision of the people 
 of God ; and those, too, who call themselves gentlemen 
 and ladies. Such, however, disgrace themselves and 
 are in the iudgment of good men, and their Maker, be- 
 Lw the beasts of the field. Shame ! shame I shame ! to 
 be so indecent, who boast of so much correctness and p- 
 rity ! But, notwithstanding the people would be so bad, 
 vet the ' Lord had respect unto his people, and his ears 
 were open to the cries of his servants, and his ears were 
 open to their supplication;' and in answer to prayer he 
 was pleased to revive his work-the Ho y Ghost moved 
 upon the face of the congregation ; and his children were 
 built up, and gathered strength atevery meeting; and were 
 built up in the most holy faith of the gospel, and soon the 
 power of the Holy Ghost fell powerfully among the peo- 
 ple, so that the cries of the wounded were distmctly heard 
 at every part of the house. The great Physician of souls 
 was present, to heal all that would come to him and seek 
 his favor. Thus the work of God went on most poweriul- 
 ly : so much so that Satan and his army retreated, at times, 
 before it ; and then would gather around it like a thick 
 cloud of darkness, and mimic the catamount, or owls ot the 
 forest, or the young lion, which had lost its mother, and 
 roarins; to be answered. But the Lord assisted his servants 
 to overcome them, through the word of his testimony. 
 
 It was now that conviction settled upon my mmd, more 
 and more ; and I was more serious than usual. But being 
 voune;— only about fourteen years of age— was somewhat 
 flighty ; though when I considered how great a sinner I was 
 before God, and how often I had grieved the good Spirit of 
 the Lord, my distress for mercy was very great. 
 
 At one of these meetings I was induced to laugh ; not 
 because I wanted to, but to hide my distress from those 
 around me. Being among the young people, 1 did not 
 
14 
 
 wish for them to know it ; but such was my seriousness^ 
 that it could not be hid, and I became affected, even unto 
 tears, until they coursed down iny cheeks like rain. And 
 when the bold persecutors saw it, they inquired if I was 
 one of the Lamb's people ? 
 
 Brother Hill was at this time preaching from these words : 
 ' Behold the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of 
 the world.' He spoke feelingly of his [Christ's] sufferings 
 on the cross ; of his precious blood, that flowed like a pu- 
 rifying river from his side ; of his sustaining the accumu- 
 lated weight of the sins of the whole world ; and dying to 
 satisfy the demands of justice, which could only be appeased 
 by an infinite atonement. I felt convinced that Christ 
 had died for all mankind ; that age, sect, color, country or 
 situation made no difference. I felt assured, that I was 
 included in the plan of redemption, with all my brethren. 
 No one can conceive with what joy I hailed this new doc- 
 trine, as it was called. It removed all my excuses, and I 
 freely believed, that all I had to do, was to look in faith 
 upon the Lamb of God, who made himself a free-will offer- 
 ing for unregenerated and wicked souls, upon the cross. — 
 My spirits were depressed ; my crimes were arrayed before 
 me — and no tongue can tell the anguish of soul 1 felt. — 
 After meeting, I returned home with a heavy heart, deter- 
 mined to seek the salvation of my soul. 
 
 This night 1 slept but little — at times 1 would be melted 
 down into tenderness and tears ; and then again, my heart 
 would seem as hard as adamant. I was awfully tempted; 
 the evil one would try to persuade me that 1, was not in the 
 pale of mercy. I fancied that evil spirits stood around my 
 bed ; my condition was deplorable, and awful ; and I longed 
 for day to break, as much as the tempest tossed mariner, 
 who expected every moment to be washed from the wreck 
 he fondly clings to, — so it was with me, upon the wreck of 
 the world, buffeted by Satan, assailed by the world ; — some- 
 times in despair ; then believing against hope — my heart at 
 times, seemed almost broke, whilst the tears of contrition 
 coursed down my cheeks like rain. 
 
 But sin was the cause of all this, and no wonder — I groan- 
 ed and wept j I had often sinned, and my accumulated 
 
15 
 
 transgressions had piled themselves as a rocky mountain 
 upon my heart — and how could I endure it ? The weight 
 thereof seemed to crush me down — in the night seasons, I 
 had fearful visions, and would often start from my sleep and 
 gaze around the room, as 1 was ever in dread of seeing the 
 evil one ready to carry me off. I continued in this frame 
 of mind for more than seven weeks. My distress, finally, 
 became so acute, that the family took notice of It — some of 
 them persecuted me, because I was serious and fond of 
 attending meetings. Now persecution raged on every hand, 
 wiihin and without ; and 1 had none to take me by the hand 
 and say, 'Go with us and we will do you good.' But in 
 the midst of difficulties, so great to one only little more 
 than fourteen years of age, I ceased not to pray for the 
 salvation of my soul : very often my exercises were so 
 great, that sleep departed from me. I was fearful that I 
 should wake up in helL And one night when I was in bed 
 mourning, like the dove for her absent mate, I fell into a 
 doze. I thought I saw the world on fire — it resembled a 
 large bed of coals, red, and glowing with heat — I shall 
 never forget the impression it made upon my mind. No 
 tongue can tell or possibly describe, the agony of my soul ; 
 for now, I was greatly in fear of dropping into hell — that 
 awful place, where the smoke of their torments ascendeth 
 ijp forever and ever ; I cried earnestly for mercy — then I 
 was carried to another place, where perfect happiness seem- 
 ed to pervade every part, and the inhabitants thereof. O 
 how I longed to be among them and partake of their hap- 
 piness. I sighed to be freed from pain and misery ; I knew 
 that nothing but the attenuated thread of life kept me from 
 sinking into the awful lake which I beheld. 1 cannot think 
 it is in the power of liuman language to describe the feelings 
 that rushed upon my mind at that moment or thrilled through 
 my veins ; every thing seemed to bear the signet of reality. 
 When 1 awoke, I was glad to find it was a vision, and not a 
 reality. 1 went on from day to day, with my head bowed 
 down ; seeking tlie Saviour of sinners, but without success. 
 The heavens appeared to be brass — my prayers wanted 
 the wings of faith to waft them to the skies. The disease 
 of my heart increased; the heavenly Physician had not 
 
16 
 
 stretched forth his hand and poured upon my soul the pana- 
 cea of the gospel ; the scales had not fallen from my eyes 
 —and no ray of celestial light had dispelled the darkness 
 that had gathered around my soul ; the cheering sound of 
 smcere friendship fell not upon my ear. It seemed as if I 
 was Iriendless, unpitied and unknown ; and at times, I wish- 
 ed to become a dweller in the wilderness. Who can won- 
 der then that I was almost in despair, surrounded by diffi- 
 culties and apparent dangers— but I was resolved to seek 
 the salvation of my soul, with all my heart— to trust entirely 
 to the Lord, and if I iailed, to perish pleading for mercy 
 at the foot of the throne. I now hung all my hopes upon 
 the Kedeemer— and clung with indescribable tenacity to the 
 cross, on which he purchased salvation for my soul, * the 
 vilest of the vile/ The result was such as is always to be 
 expected, when a lost and ruined sinner throws himself 
 entirely on the l^ovA— perfect freedom. On the 15th day 
 ot March in the year of our Lord 1813, I heard a voice 
 saying unto me, in soft and soothins; accents, ' Arise, thy 
 sms that are many are all forgiven thee; go in peace and 
 sin no more: There was nothing very singular, save that 
 the Lord stooped to lift me up, in my conversion. 
 
 I had been sent into the garden to work— and while there 
 1 lifted up my heart to God, when, all at once, my burden 
 and fears left me— my soul was filled with love ; love to 
 God, and love to all mankind. O how my poor heart swell- 
 ed with joy ! and I would cry, ' Glory to God in the high-^ 
 est.' There was not only a change in my heart, but every 
 
 thing around me. The scene was entirely changed the 
 
 works of God praised him, and I saw in every thing that he 
 had made, his glory shine. My love now embraced the 
 whole human family— the children of God, I loved most 
 dearly. O, how I longed to be with them ; and when anv 
 of thein passed me, I would gaze at ihem until they were 
 lost in the distance. I could have pressed them to my 
 bosom, as they were more precious to me than gold, and I 
 was always loth to part with them whenever we met togeth- 
 er. ^ The change, too, was visible in my very countenance^ 
 I enjoyed great peace of mind, and that peace was like a 
 river, full, deep and wide, and flowing continually. My 
 
It 
 
 ?nind was employed in contemplating the works of God, 
 and in praising his holy name. 1 dwelt so particularly apon 
 his mercy and goodness that I could praise him aloud ; 
 even in my sleep, and when I awoke, it was glory to God 
 and the Lamb — and my heart burnt continually with the 
 love of God. Well might the poet say, 
 
 ' O for such love, let rocks and hills 
 
 Their lasting silence break ; 
 And all harmonious human tongues 
 
 The Saviour's praises speak.' 
 
 1 continued in this happy frame of mind for some time — • 
 it was very pleasant to live in the enjoyment of pure and 
 undefiled religion — and nought could 1 see, but seas of rest, 
 and waves of glory before me. I wanted only the wings of 
 angels, to waft me to paradise ; that I might dwell around 
 the throne of God forever. But alas ! I dwelt in a tent 
 below, that held me fast and would not let me go — and 
 here to resist the fiend, the Christian's foe, — to war, and 
 tug, and toil at the oar of prayer^ till time with me no more 
 should be — and then, if faithful to my Lord, with all the 
 faithful saints should be. 
 
 But here I can say, 1 had none to make me the object of 
 their care ; to encourage me to press forward in the ways 
 of well doing. But, on the other hand, persecution raged 
 most bitterly, and soon I was deprived of that privilege 
 that was near and dear to me — such as the privilege of class 
 •meetings and other means of grace, that are usually amongst 
 the Methodists ; and being young, I was again led astray. 
 How hard it is to be robbed of all our earthly rights and 
 deprived of the means of grace, merely because the skin 
 is of a different color — -such has been the case with me. 
 I would ask the white man, if he thinks that he can be jus- 
 tified in making just such a being as I am, or any other 
 person in the world unhappy; and ahhough the white man 
 finds so much fault because God has made me thus, yet if I 
 have any vanity about it, I choose to remain as 1 am, and 
 praise my Maker while I live that an Indian he has made. 
 
 But again ; the burden that was heaped upon me, at this 
 time, was more than I could bear, being only about fifteen 
 years old, and I now began to relapse back again into my 
 ibrraer state. J now became acquainted with wicked and 
 
 2* 
 
18 
 
 silly youths, and one of them whose name was Miner^ 
 and myself, agreed to try some other parts of the world. 
 Children as we were, we made the best arrangements for 
 our journey that we could — and so off we started, and steer- 
 ed our course for New York—with difficulties and fears we 
 arrived there. Many of the people thought that we were 
 sailor boys, as we informed them that we had been priva- 
 teering and had been taken and set on shore near New 
 London, and were going home to New York to our parents 
 — and it being war time, we informed the people all we 
 knew about it. When we had arrived at New York city, 
 and almost alone in the world, and but little economy to 
 take care of ourselves, we thought best to engage in the 
 war. — So I became a musician in the army, while my 
 comrade went on board of a privateer. 
 
 We now parted, and I went with the soldiers to 
 Canada, where I experienced all the horrors of war 
 — fought in the great battle of Lake Champlain, with 
 General M'Comb, with Hampton and Wilkinson at the 
 Mills. Afier the war was over I went to Montreal, and from 
 thence to Upper Canada, Fort Niagara ; from thence to 
 Kingston, and through the wilderness, and saw many of my 
 brethren who ornamented the wood with their camps, and 
 chanted the wild beasts of prey with their songs. Being 
 now satisfied with these regions and their curiosities, 1 now 
 began to think of home, and those kindred friends who had 
 long before buried me beneath the sods of the forest, to 
 behold my face no more forever here — being gone so long, 
 nearly five years. 
 
 This journey was not instructing to the paths of virtue, 
 but of vice. Though I did not forget the past, and often 
 recollected those happy moments, and sighed on account of 
 my condition ; but had no heart to pray, no pious parents 
 to instruct me — no minister of God's holy word to notice 
 me, and pour info my ear the blessed truths of God — but a 
 poor destitute, helpless child of the forest, all alone in the 
 world, as it were. I now made the best of my way home 
 to my kindred in the flesh, and when I arrived there, I found 
 them surprised and rejoiced to see me on this side of the 
 grave. After a while I became more steady, and began 
 once more to attend the worship of God ; and had a desire 
 
19 
 
 to return from my backsliding state, to the worship of God, 
 that I might enjoy his smiles again. For it was now 
 that I had become wretched and miserable through the 
 deceitfulness of sin : and bad examples of the white sol- 
 diers, and nothing but thick darkness gathered around me ; 
 and apparently, my situation was worse than before. It was 
 now harder to seek the Lord than it was when I was young 
 — for now my sins were redoubled ; and it appeared indeed 
 that there was no mercy for me. And when I went to pray 
 and call upon God for mercy, I was met by the enemy 
 of souls who very readily thrusted a dart at me filled with a 
 message of despair, that there was nothing but eternal 
 death for me ; that I had committed the unpardonable sin, 
 by having sinned against the Holy Ghost, and it was all in 
 vain for me to try again for help in God — that he was sure 
 that I should make up his host in hell. 
 
 My distress became more acute than ever — but I attend- 
 ed the meetings where God's children meet, and at last 1 
 made known my distress to them ; and they, the dear chil- 
 dren of God, comforted me, by saying that Christ would 
 have mercy upon the worst of sinners, and encouraged me 
 to pray ; and then prayed with and for me. 
 
 I sought the Lord for weeks and months, and at last I 
 began to see that I had received some of his divine appro- 
 bation : to say that I immediately had as clear an evidence 
 as I had before, I cannot. But when I acknowledged my- 
 self a sinner before the people, and confessed what a sin- 
 ner I had been, then the light of God's countenance broke 
 into my soul, and I felt as if I were on the wings of angels, 
 and ready to leave this world. I united with the Method- 
 ists and was baptized by immersion, and strove to walk 
 with them in the way to heaven ; and can say, that I spent 
 many happy hours with them in the worship of God ; and 
 to this day, 1 most heartily rejoice that I was brought again 
 from the dead to praise God. After a while, 1 began to ex- 
 ercise my gift in the way of prayer and exhortation, and 
 was blest in so doing. I began to be exercised more abun- 
 dantly about the salvation of precious souls, and began to 
 have a desire to call sinners to repentance in a public way ; 
 and it appeared I could not rest in any other way ; but 1 
 
20 
 
 knew that I was weak and ignorant as to the letter, and not 
 only so, I was ah-eady a hissing-stock, and a by-word in the 
 world, merely because I was a child of the forest ; and to 
 add any more occasion to the weak and scornful family of 
 the whites, was more than I wished to do : but there was 
 no peace for me, either by day or night. Go I must, and 
 expose my ignorance to the world, and strive to preach, or 
 exhort sinners to repentance. I soon found men like ad- 
 ders, with poison under their tongues, hissing around me * 
 and to this day 1 find now and then one hissing at me. My 
 trials again were many, and apparently more than I could 
 bear; but I entreated of God to show me my duty, and 
 prayed to him for a token of his grace, when T went to call 
 sinners to repentance. The Lord heard prayer, and sent 
 down his awakening power, and convinced sinners of the 
 error of their ways ; but 1 was too unbelieving; believinff 
 that I was not the character that God should take to thresh 
 the mountains of sin. The angel of the Lord appeared to 
 me in the visions of the night, and read some extracts of 
 John s Gospel. It appeared that before me there was a plain, 
 and upon that, the sun shone delightfully ; but it was a dif- 
 ficult place for me to reach, being a dark and winding; way, 
 through mire, but I reached it ; here I was encouraged by 
 the angel to persevere. It was now when I awoke, that I 
 was troubled still the more ; and night and day it was 
 preach, preach ; though many thought it would be a mira- 
 cle tor such an ignorant creature as I to preach the 2;osnel. 
 But It is a fact that I had a difficult road to travel before I 
 really got to preaching ; but 1 can say that I have seen the 
 salvation of the Lord in so doing, and God has made me, 
 the unworthiest of all his servants, the humble, happy in- 
 slrument in brmging many to bow at his sceptre. To Him 
 be all the glory forever. I would now say that I have been 
 a regular member in the Methodist Episcopal and Protest- 
 ant Me. Church, for about nine years ; in the E. P. Church 
 I was an exhorter for eighteen months. I left them in 
 good standing, and with good credentials, on April 11th, 
 1829 and united with the Protestant Methodists, not because 
 1 had any thing very special against the former, any further 
 than their government was not republican. Their religion 
 
21 
 
 is as good as it ever was. I have been in the Protestant 
 cljurch something like four years, as a preacher of the gos- 
 pel ; and in that time have received holy orders, as an au- 
 thorized minister of Christ, to attend to the duties of a pas- 
 tor ; and I am no sectarian whatever, but boldly declare, 
 that I have preached for all that would open their doors ; 
 and all sects have bid me welcome ; and this is as it should 
 be. May God pour his spirit upon them all, and all the 
 world. Amen. William Apes. 
 
THE 
 
 EXPERIENCE 
 
 OF THE 
 
 ISSIONARY'S CONSORT. 
 
 WRITTEN BY HERSELF, 
 
 1 WAS born in Lyme, (Conn.) A. D. 17S8, on the third 
 day of January. My father was a descendant of one of 
 the Spanish Islands, or a native of Spain. My mother was 
 an EngHsh woman, a descendant of the Wood's family, of 
 Lyme. My father died when I was small, and like all oth- 
 er fatherless children, I had to be placed out among stran- 
 gers. My mother having but little property, and not being 
 able to sustain me, being a poor child, this was done be- 
 fore I had arrived at my sixth year, and amongst people, 
 too, who neither feared God nor regarded man, but blas- 
 phemed their blessed Maker, and that too, with the greatest 
 impunity. The woman was a proud and haughty person, 
 and often raged most bitterly at me, and that too, for the 
 most trivial things. I had no pious parents or guardians to 
 teach me the paths of virtue ; 1 never recollect any seri- 
 ous impression made on my mind while I lived with these 
 people, by their admonitions. One day it was suddenly 
 suggested to my mind, that God saw me, and I was afraid 
 to die. I was guilty before him, and I wished to find some 
 place to hide from his presence ; but, since I have found 
 Jesus precious to my soul, I have regretted that I sought him 
 not when I was young ; bat I had none to lead me to 
 
23 
 
 the blessed fountain of holiness, where my sins might be 
 washed away ; there was none that cared for my precious 
 soul. 
 
 I was now residing at Mr. D. Gillet's, in Lyme ; being 
 now about twelve years of age, and about this time a cir- 
 cumstance happened that it was thought best that 1 should 
 go home. 1 went home, and there stayed about two months 
 as senseless to the reality of a future state, as the beasts of 
 the field. And then I was again bound out to Mr. Aniel 
 Ely, in liyme, where I continued until I was eighteen years 
 of age. Mr. Ely was a member of the Presbyterian church. 
 He used to say his prayers every Saturday night and Sun- 
 day morning ; after a few times in attendance, 1 could say 
 his prayer as well as he. I used to be at church on the 
 Sabbath, but Mr. Ely never told me I had a soul to save 
 or to lose. I could not tell what [ went to meeting for, un- 
 less it was to see and be seen, and learn fashions ; what the 
 minister said, I understood not, nor did it affect my mind. 
 Thus 1 went on, careless and prayerless for about two years. 
 When I had advanced to fourteen years of age, there ar- 
 rived in our neighborhood a Missionary, by the name of 
 Bushnell. Before I heard him preach, he paid us a visit, 
 and hearing much about him, I was anxious to see him, but 
 did not wish for him to see me. I was afraid of ministers 
 and professors of religion ; 1 thought them a better people 
 than others : but after tea, the missionary made his appear- 
 ance to us in the room where the children were, and there 
 he very affectionately exhorted us all. This was the first 
 time that I had ever been warned to seek the salvation of 
 my soul. His words sank deep on my mind ; I began to 
 weep as soon as he had left me ; I went out, and for the 
 first time I ever felt the need of praying or of a Saviour ; I 
 knelt and poured out my soul to God, that he would 
 have mercy upon me ; although I had never seen any body 
 kneel, yet it was impressed on my mind that I must, and 
 from that time I cried to God earnestly every day, during 
 some months. 
 
 The missionary preached that Sabbath, and I attended 
 all his meetings; the word was with power to. my heart; I 
 think he was the first man of God I ever heard preach. 
 
24 
 
 During his stay, he visited at our house several times, and 
 vi^ould always admonish me : I was pleased to hear him, 
 but dare not make known the exercises of my mind to him. 
 Mr. Bushnell expressed himself in such a way, that it had 
 a powerful effect and made a lasting impression on my 
 mind ; that was, when he saw me employed about my dai- 
 ly work here, he hoped that he should meet me in heaven. 
 I felt myself such a vile wretch, I could not see why he 
 should speak so to me, a poor sinner. But I was ignorant 
 of the power of divine grace, that could fit me for that 
 place. Whilst Mr. B. stayed, my impressions were deep- 
 er and deeper, and I was daily resolved to seek the Lord, 
 and leave the vanities of the world behind me. But he soon 
 left the place, and when he was gone, there was not one in 
 the place that ever afterwards presented the subject to me, 
 only in the way of derision ; even the children would laugh 
 at me, and say that Mr. B. converted me. I had plenty 
 of such aid from old and young. 
 
 Mr. Ely, although a member of the church, never men- 
 tioned the subject of religion to me while I lived with him. 
 I pray God to have mercy upon all such church members. 
 But through all the opposition and persecution I had, 1 strove 
 to seek the salvation of my soul, and cry to God to help me j 
 this I did for about six months, but I was tormented with- 
 out and within. Mrs. Ely was a step- mother in the house 
 and very wicked, and withal a very great tyrant : sometimes 
 she would get angry at the other children and beat me, and 
 for the most trifling thing. She would say to me at times, 
 when I was meditating upon death and judgment, that my 
 head was full of the evil one, and so much so, that I could 
 not attend to what she wanted me to. But this only griev- 
 ed me, and I would sorrow and weep in secret places. 
 Here I would remark how much little children have to un- 
 dergo, who are fatherless and motherless in the world, and 
 what was I but a child ; how much I wanted a tender, and 
 affectionate, and pious mother to take me by the hand and 
 instruct me, or some pious friend : how much good it would 
 have done me ; but I had none but a wicked and an unho- 
 ly tyrant to discourage me. But I leave her, as she has 
 long since gone to a just God who will do right. Poor wo- 
 
25 
 
 man, she died as she lived, a poor and impenitent sinner. 
 About this time the Methodists came into the neighborhood, 
 and held meetings about a mile off: there was every thing 
 snid about them but good. It was said that they had the 
 devil amongst them, and I believed it, and would as soon 
 go to the house of ill-fame, as I would to their meetings. 
 This prejudice only came, however, by the hearing of the 
 ear, which made me as foolish as thousands of others have 
 been on the same account. 
 
 However, I continued to pray, but I was alone ; I had 
 no one to communicate my feelings to but the Lord, and he 
 at times, gave me sweet peace of mind : but I did not know 
 that It was religion. I had no pious father or godly pastor 
 to look after me, nor mother in Israel, to lake me by the 
 hand, and drop an encouraging word of sympathy over me ; 
 nor triends—none of these blessings was T favored with, and 
 1 am sure that I did not w^ant the world any more then, 
 than now. But having no pious instructer or christian ex- 
 amples before me, the enemy of my soul became too pow- 
 erful lor me. I had a proud heart, a tempting devil, an al- 
 lurmg world to flatter and decoy me away, and to its force 
 I yielded— cast off fear, and restrained prayer. O how 
 horrible was my situation now, and I again slid into rude 
 company, gave away to the pride of my heart, and my 
 most besetting sins were music and dancing. And how 
 thankful I am that I was never led away as many poor fe- 
 males are, to disgrace themselves forever, and sometimes 
 to swift destruction and to a miserable hell. I went on now 
 in the way of folly, but not without conscience dvine; me 
 a check at times till I was 23 years of age. I would read my 
 bible ; at times I would be displeased with it, and the 8;rand 
 enemy of my soul would tempt me not to believe it i that 
 Jt was a libel upon the world, and for a while I tried to be- 
 iieve it. But there was a passage that so forcibly struck 
 my heart, that I could not doubt its correctness ; that is 
 Except ye be converted and become as a little child ye 
 can in no wise enter the kingdom of heaven.' The reason 
 why 1 felt so indifferent, I suppose it originated from my 
 being at Hartford, (Conn.) where I learned more evil than 
 good ; lor I used to attend all the parties of recreation that 
 
. 2^ 
 
 came in my way ; and in reading those sacred pages, they 
 condemned my former proceedings, and my heart was not 
 willing to submit to them. But 1 would remark further; 
 whilst I lived in Hartford, although I used to frequent the 
 ball-chamber, yet when 1 returned home and meditated on 
 death, judgment and eternity, it would blast all my imag- 
 inary happiness, and my heart would sink in sorrow down,, 
 because 1 was such a sinner. And while here in the city 
 of Hartford, I heard of the Methodists, but it was only in 
 the way of derision ; I heard of their camp-meetings — that 
 they had the most awful works that ever was known, or 
 heard of; and 1 believed it — and took no pains to inform 
 myself, but lived on the credit of hearsay. 
 
 Bui although I was such a wicked sinner, I could not 
 bear the thought of going to hell. Yet I went on in rebel- 
 lion against God, and did not seek for instruction ; if I had, 
 I do not doubt that I should have found it. Yet I felt sen- 
 sible that, without religion, I must go to hell. But when I 
 arrived to the age of tweniy-one, 1 thought 1 would aban- 
 don all hopes of heaven, and if I went to hell, I should not 
 go alone — that I should have plenty of company ; so I thought 
 I would rest easy where I was ; and if I should live to old 
 age, then I would seek the Lord, and get ready to die. But 
 how little did I think of the uncertainty of life. But being 
 now at my mother's home, and having been informed that 
 the Methodist meetings were about two miles off, and was 
 strongly invited by one of my neighbors to go to meeting with 
 her. So notwithstanding I had united to make derision of 
 them, with the rest of the wicked, yet for the first time, I 
 thought that 1 would go ; though all the neighbors around, 
 with the exception of a few, told the same sad tale. Yet, 
 thought T, it is no harm for me to go and hear for myself 
 — so I went. I think I never shall forget the preacher's 
 text ; it was in Acts, xxiv. 25 : ' And as he reasoned of right- 
 eousness, temperance,' &:c. And as the words fell from 
 the preacher's lips, so it seemed to sink with weight into my 
 heart — and its powerful effect was very great. Iwascon" 
 vinced that I was a sinner, and must be lost without a Sav- 
 iour. I saw that I was to blame for the sins I committed, 
 and no one else, I began to tremble like a Felix. I saw 
 it would not do to put off repentance until old age, fori saw 
 
27 
 
 that time was short, and eternity near, and life uncertain, 
 and death certain. 
 
 I ever afterwards attended the poor despised Methodist 
 meetings ; and while sitting under the preaching of the gos- 
 pel, I felt myself such a lost sinner, that at times, 1 could 
 not but just refrain from crying aloud for mercy. But I 
 grieved the Holy Spirit again and again. I was afraid of 
 persecution — not being willing to give up my good name, 
 and become a follower of the meek and humble Jesus. 
 Though conviction for sin did so powerfully sit upon me at 
 times, I knew not what to do ; yet, when my young mates 
 came where I was, or I with them, I would join with them 
 in their folly. O how hard it was to give them up, and the 
 vanities of this life, for an interest in Christ Jesus. It is a 
 wonder of mercy that he did not give me up to hardness 
 of heart, and to a reprobate mind. 
 
 I wanted religion in my own way, and had a wish to have 
 it, and keep it to myself I kept along in this way about a 
 year. I recollect at a thanksgiving, while at home, my 
 mother wished me to attend with her, on an evening visit 
 to a neighbor's house ; but I felt very indifferent about go- 
 ing ; but to please her, I gave my consent : but before we 
 got to the house, I heard music and dancing : I wished to 
 return and go no farther, for I knew that I had promised 
 the Lord that I would not dance any more. I told my 
 mother I did not wish to join them — but she insisted on 
 my going, saying, that * I was not obliged to dance ; ' so I 
 yielded, and went along ; and when we arrived there, tvvas 
 very soon asked to dance — but 1 refused, with a determin- 
 ation not to : but my mother said that if she was young as 
 Mary, she would. Hearing her say so, I thought if she 
 would if she was able, surely it would be no hurt for me 
 — so 1 went on to the floor, but not willingly ; and when 
 I began to dance, it seemed as if the floor would sink. I 
 felt awfully — a condemned sinner before God. Howev- 
 er, I staid, and spent the evening with them. I mention 
 this to show how much parents may do in keeping their 
 children fi-om the kingdom of God : but my mother was 
 irreligious, and I regret to this day, that I had no pious pa- 
 rents or teachers to instruct me. But after all, it is a won- 
 
28 
 
 der that God did not take me out of the world, and send 
 nie to hell. 
 
 After I had arrived at my twenty-fourth year, the Lord 
 seemed to blast all my earthly joys and schemes by sick- 
 ness and disappointments ; but I could see the hand of God 
 in this ; but what it could be for, I was not aware — but 
 thought God was angry with me, and I did not know what 
 he was going to do with me. Surely he led me in a way 
 I knew not. 
 
 At that time I was away from home, nursing a sick wo- 
 man. One night after I had retired, I was reading a hymn 
 — ' Come humble sinners, in whose breast ; ' and when I 
 had come to this verse — 
 
 ' I '11 go to Jesus though my sins, 
 
 Hatii like a mountain rose ; 
 I know his courts, I '11 enter in, , 
 
 Whatever may oppose.' 
 
 1 here viewed Jesus in the flesh, while upon earth, going 
 about doing good, and his followers with him — and sinners 
 falling at his feet, crying for mercy — and Jesus saying, son, 
 daughter, go in peace and sin no more ;. for thy sins, which 
 are many, are all forgiven thee. There was such a deep 
 sense of my transgressions before me, that 1 had commit- 
 ted against a holy God, that I could hardly contain myself. 
 J thought if he had been here, how gladly would I have 
 fallen at his feet, and implored forgiveness at his hand. 1 
 can truly say that I felt the need of mercy, but did not 
 know how to obtain it : there was no one near me that pray- 
 ed, and what to do I did not know. A thousand thoughts 
 rushed through me as in a moment of time, but I tried to 
 raise my heart to God, which seemed to quiet me a little. 
 1 was afraid to go to sleep, but some time in the night I fell 
 into a doze, and when I awoke, it was impressed powerful- 
 ly on my mind that I must break off my sins, and go in 
 secret and pray — but how to, 1 knew not, I had been such 
 a sinner before God ; but I tried to lift my heart to God, 
 and continued to do so a number of times during the day. 
 I broke off from my outward sins, and strove to do better ; 
 but did not reveal my mind to any. I went home, burden- 
 
29 
 
 ed with sin and guilt : I found no peace — there was a gloom 
 spread over creation, and death seemed to be written on 
 all : I said, and I wanted nothing but a preparation for it-^ 
 for I had no desire for the things of this world — and some- 
 times 1 thought I took comfort in trying to pray, and sing- 
 ing one of Doctor Watts' psalms — to hope, to love, to pray, 
 is all that I require. The enemy of my soul told me that 
 I was good enough — that I could pray and praise, and that 
 was all that God required of me. 
 
 I now went about to establish my own righteousness ; I 
 was a godly, formal saint; a pharisee within. 1 fear 
 thousands build upon the same sandy foundation that I was 
 then building upon. I praise God while I am writing, that 
 he was jealous of his own glory and soon divested me of my 
 rags of self-righteousness, and opened my eyes and showed 
 we whereabouts I was — that I was a guilty, wretched, 
 helpless sinner before him, and he only kept me h'om sink- 
 ing down to the abyss of woe. I now read my bible : but 
 it condemned nje. I became angry at it, and with God, and 
 wished to cast it from me — I thought it hard for me to sub- 
 mit to his will or go to hell. I envied all the dumb beasts 
 of the field, because they were innocent, and had no souls. 
 The very pains of hell got hold of me ; and I thought if 
 hell were as bad as my conscience, it might well be called 
 hell. 
 
 However, I went to meeting, and said nothing to any 
 t)ne, nor they to me. It happened, that 1 was at a house 
 where one of the class was employed ; a very pious man. 
 I made known my mind to him, and he encouraged me to be 
 faithful. I informed him that I wanted to attend class; he 
 informed his leader, and I had an invitation to attend, and 
 was thankful for the privilege ; and when they asked me the 
 state of my mind, I told them the exercises and desires that 
 I had ; and they exhorted me to be faithful, to seek the 
 Saviour of sinners. But I was so hard and stubborn that I 
 despaired of mercy at his hand. My mind was now led 
 back to my former days, when the Spirit of the Lord 
 strove with me — I saw I might have had religion then, but 
 now, there was no mercy for me — for I had sinned away 
 my day of grace. The enemy said that God was unjust, 
 
 3* 
 
30 
 
 and would not forgive my sins, because I had sinned so 
 long, and I must go to hell, and had better put an end to 
 my existence and know the worst of my case. Ahhough I , 
 saw the justice of God in condemning me, yet I was not | 
 willing to be miserable forever. 1 felt dejected, and cast 
 down, and forsaken, and I wept before the Lord. I was 
 burdened, on account of my sins ; and when I walked out 
 it seemed as if the earth would sink under me, and I 
 should go down to darkness and sorrow to receive the 
 punishment due that my crimes had merited — the worst 
 person then living was better than I was ; I went mourn- 
 ing from day to day, without any light of the Son, to cheer 
 the dungeon of my soul ; pride, unbelief, self-will, all com- 
 bined to keep me from the Saviour of sinners. I doubted 
 his power to save me, such a vile sinner as I was; I 
 attended the meetings, and class, and from that dear people 
 I was encouraged to press forward and obtain my object, 
 the salvation of my soul. But when I was alone, my mind 
 was filled with temptations and doubts and fears. I felt like 
 a sinner justly condemned before God; I thought that if I 
 should feel this distress for years, and then if God should 
 pardon me, it would be an act of great mercy. I read my 
 bible and prayed, and my distress increased daily ; my 
 appetite forsook me ; I wished for no kind of food whatever. 
 And at night I was sleepless, and I had striven to make 
 myself better by the works of the law — but that increased 
 my pain the more. 
 
 The verse of a hymn came to me — ' I can but perish if 
 I go ; I am resolved to try — for if I stay away, I know I 
 shall forever die.' 1 was resolved to seek Jesus while I 
 lived, and if I perished, to perish at his feet. My distress 
 rolled on, I could not work. I conld find no religion in 
 reading or praying ; 1 took my bible one afternoon, not 
 knowing where I was a going ; and it was rainy, so I thought 
 I would stay until I found mercy, if mercy could be found. 
 The Lord led me, for I never had been there before — for 
 it was a complete shelter from the rain that was then fall- 
 ing. It was amongst the rocks ; I spent the afternoon in 
 reading, meditation and prayer — hoping, believing and 
 doubting, I stayed there until it began to grow dark ; before 
 
31 
 
 I left ihe place I found some relief. I had some faith that 
 Jesus had died to redeem my soul, and iiad risen again for 
 my justification. 
 
 When I got home, it was so dark that I could not see to 
 read ; so 1 took my bible and a lamp, and the first chapter 
 that 1 opened to was John xix. 30 : ' When Jesus therefore 
 had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished ; and he 
 bowed his head and gave up the gliost.' These words 
 were applied to my heart — it seemed as if Jesus spake to 
 me himself, and said, ' Ail this I suffered for you, that you 
 might live with me in heaven.' Tlie plan of salvation was 
 now opened to my view. The Son of God was revealed 
 to me by faith, in all his offices, as prophet, priest, and 
 king. With pleasing grief and mournful joy, my spirit now 
 was filled; thati had such a life destroyed, yet live by him I 
 killed. I wept and grieved because Jesus had died to 
 redeem so vile a wretch as I. My load of sin and fear of 
 hell Vv^ere gone ; and then I was forcibly struck with these 
 lines of the poet : 
 
 ' Come mourning souls, dry up your tears, 
 And banish all your guilty fears.' 
 
 My burden of sin now left me ; my tears were dried up. 
 I felt a sweet peace in my soul, but did not think this a 
 change of heart. 
 
 1 retired to rest, and there was a great calm. I awoke 
 in the morning, and my soul was drawn out after God ; and 
 when I arose and looked around me upon the works of 
 creation, everything wore a different aspect; everything 
 I saw praised God ; and I felt as if 1 had long been shut 
 up in prison — my bonds were loosed, my chains were fall- 
 en off, and 1 was set at liberty. I wanted to proclaim to 
 the whole world what God had done for my soul, and to my 
 brethren and to my young mates, how happy I was, and 
 what a dear Saviour I had found. I thought that I would 
 go and publish it without delay; but I was ignorant of the 
 devices of Satan. He very readily informed me that if I 
 did, nobody would believe me. I listened to him, and went 
 not. 1 have been sorry ever since, that I was not obedient 
 to the heavenly vision ; I thought that if a soul had been 
 once cleansed from sin, that doubts and fears and darkness 
 
32 
 
 would never return to trouble that soul any more — but in 
 this I was mistaken, for they soon returned. On Sabbath 
 morning, May, 1813, I went to meeting as usual, but my 
 mind was filled with darkness and unbelief. After preach- 
 ing, we had a class for the dear children of God to relate 
 the exercises of their minds ; and while they were relating 
 theirs, I felt encouraged to press forward, for some of them 
 spoke the feelings of my heart. But I did hot tell them 
 the exercises of mine ; and when they asked me, I told 
 them I did not feel such a burden ; and felt determined to 
 persevere. 
 
 They gave me their pious admonidons, and I praised God 
 for such a privilege to meet with his dear children. At the 
 close of the meeting the preacher prayed earnestly for me. 
 The Lord heard and answered prayer, to the joy of my 
 soul — for 1 felt peace with God through our Lord Jesus 
 Christ, and wanted to praise him aloud ; but again, I griev- 
 ed the Holy Spirit of God, and hid my talent in the earth, 
 but they rejoiced and I kept silent — well might it be said, 
 that the fear of man bringeth a snare. I felt a love for the 
 dear people of God, and could join with them in worship, 
 but did not believe that God had converted me into his 
 grace. I returned home praising God, but was afraid that 
 some one would hear me. I sung a verse of an hymn 
 called the good Shepherd : 
 
 ' Come^ good Lord, with courage arm us ; 
 Persecution rages here — 
 Nothing, Lord, we know can harm us, 
 While oar Shepherd is so near. 
 Glory, glory be to Jesus, 
 At his name our hearts doth leap ; 
 He both comforts us and frees us, 
 The good Shepherd feeds his sheep.' 
 
 The last part of the verses spoke the sentiments of my 
 heart. When I got home, I had a cross to take up, to con- 
 fess to my mother. And the Lord gave me strength to do 
 my duty ; and after I had prayed with them, there was 
 great peace that overspread my soul. I lived fearing and 
 doubting until the next Thursday. And then, I visited my 
 brethren where we had a prayer meeting — and then I strove 
 to tell them what the Lord had done for my soul. So I 
 lived along from one worship to another, and the old saints 
 
33 
 
 were instruments in the hands of God, in keeping me from 
 falling a prey to the enemy of my sou], and the alluring 
 charms of this vain world. 
 
 The hearing of the old pilgrims' songs, and their sweet 
 admonitions, attended to buoy me up, and keep me from 
 stumbling into the ditch of despair ; for it stimulated me to 
 move forward. And had it not been for them, I think I 
 should have relapsed back again, and sunk down into the 
 cradle of carnal security — for it was a common saying, 
 that after a soul was once converted, theie was no more 
 danger, although the word of God taught me different as 
 well as his Spirit. But weak and feeble minds like mine 
 are apt to be led astray. But I praise God for pious 
 instructers, that pointed out the way and bade me persevere. 
 Had they taught me different, no doubt that I should have 
 been like MoiherEve, who was so much deceived by the 
 subtle foe — as you know tbat after God told her not to eat 
 of the fruit of the garden which grew upon a certain tree, 
 because it would be death. But Satan told her it would 
 not be — but otherwise. And so he tells thousands ; and it 
 is to be feared, that too many give way to his flattering 
 charms, and ruin their own souls. 
 
 But, friends, let them say what they will about the Meth- 
 odists, I bless God that I ever knew them — for they taught 
 me to believe in a present and full salvation, in order to 
 obtain a crown of everlasting life. In June, 1813, I join- 
 ed the society, and by this people, and the doctrines that 
 they preached, I found it to be the power of God unto 
 salvation to my poor soul. When I joined the Methodists, 
 the preacher told me I must count the cost ; that I must 
 expect a great many falsehoods to be told about me. 1 
 found it even so. The wicked soon began to accuse me of 
 things that I had done which I never even had thought of. 
 I tried by the aid of Heaven to keep a conscience void of 
 offence before God and man ; for I knew that I had peace 
 with him. It is said that ' H^e who will live godly in 
 Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.' If they called the 
 master of the house Beelzebub, how much more will they 
 of his household ! So I resolved by the grace of God to 
 persevere, and give up all and take up the cross and follow 
 
34 
 
 Christ through evil report as well as good — for they that 
 followed Jesus should not walk in darkness, but have the 
 light of life. 
 
 In July, myself and three other candidates were baptized 
 by immersion by Elder Joel Winch, Salem, Conn. Truly the 
 ordinance was blessed to me ; it was a heaven below ; a 
 paradise indeed to my soul. I had such love, joy, and 
 peace, that I tliought that I never should doubt again — but 
 in this I was mistaken ; for it was not long before I doubted. 
 
 About August I went to camp meeting, hoping and pray- 
 ing that God would meet me there. I enjoyed myself well 
 at the first of the meeting, but God had greater joy laid up 
 for me. I tried in my weak way to exhort sinners, and to 
 be faithful to seek the salvation of their souls. 
 
 One day upon the camp ground, there was a light from 
 heaven shone into my soul, above the brightness of the sun. 
 I lost sight of all earthly things — heaven was opened to my 
 view, and the glory of the upper world beamed upon my 
 soul. My body of clay was all that hindered my flying up 
 to meet Jesus in the air. How long I remained in this 
 happy frame of mind, I do not know. But when I came 
 lo my recollection, my christian friends were around me, 
 singing the sweet songs of heaven ; and I thought I was in 
 the suburbs of glory. And when I saw them, they looked 
 like angels, for they were praising God. I felt the love of 
 God like a river flowing into my soul. From that time 
 until the close of the meeting, I was happy. I now returned 
 home rejoicing in God my Saviour. I thought that I never 
 should be troubled with doubts and fears — but I was mista- 
 ken as before. The enemy of my soul tempted me and I 
 again gave way, and like Sampson I lost all my strength, 
 and I doubted of God's power to save me. 
 
 There was much said about sanctification, amongst our 
 Methodist brethren — they said it was possible for God to 
 cleanse us from all sin, and urged the members of our 
 church to seek it and not rest short of it, — whilst others 
 opposed it, and said it was impossible to live without sin, in 
 this life, and to be cleansed from all unrighteousness, boldly 
 denying the power and efficacy of his blood. 1 was weak 
 and unbelieving, and finally doubted it myself, although I 
 
35 
 
 read it was the will of God, even our sanctification — and if 
 we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our 
 sins, and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all unrighte- 
 ousness. 1 asked the Lord, in humble prayer, if this was 
 attainable, and to show me what I am by nature, and what 
 I ought to be by grace— for 1 was sure that 1 wanted as 
 much grace as any body in the world, to get through it. 
 
 I prayed daily for the Lord to enlighten me, and teach 
 me the way ; fori wished to lay a sure foundation for the 
 time to come. 1 continued my petition about one month — 
 the Lord heard and answered my prayer, and opened my 
 eyes, and I saw if 1 was not fully saved from sin, and- made 
 holy, 1 could never enter into the kingdom of God — for 
 God was holy, and heaven was a holy place, and without 
 holiness, no man should see the Lord. 
 
 I from that time read my bible more diligently, and sought 
 the Lord by fasting and prayer — with a full determination 
 not to stop short of full redemption in the blood of Christ. 
 I went to a quarterly meeting in Goton, (Conn.) and there 
 God manifested himself to me in such a powerful manner 
 at that time, I fell prostrate upon the floor, insensible to all 
 below : the last time I fell, I felt the blood of Jesus go 
 through every avenue of the soul and body — cleansing me 
 from the filthiness of the flesh and spirit. The Spirit bade 
 me arise and tell what God had done for my soul ; but I 
 was again disobedient. After that, I was almost in despair, 
 through unbelief. I struggled in darkness for some time : 
 at last a divine ray of light broke into my soul. I then 
 promised the Lord if he would give me the evidence of 
 full redemption in my heart, that 1 would proclaim it to all 
 the world, come what would. 
 
 I attended a camp-meeting, at Wilbraham, Mass. The 
 power of the Lord was manifested in a wonderful manner, 
 and there was a general cry amongst believers, for full re- 
 deipption in the blood of Jesus — and I felt the cry in my 
 own heart. I prayed, and cried, and struggled, and almost 
 despaired of obtaining my object. But before the meet- 
 ing closed, God in Christ showed himself mighty to save, 
 and strong to deliver. I felt the mighty power of God 
 again, like electric fire go through every part of me — cleans- 
 
S6 
 
 ing me throughout soul, flesh and spirit. I felt now that I 
 was purified, sanctified and justified. 1 had no fears. I could 
 now shout victory through the blood of the Lamb. The 
 words of the poet would best express my feelings : 
 
 ' That sacred awe— that durst not move. 
 All the silent heaven of love.' 
 
 From that time until now, I have never doubted the pow- 
 er ol God, to save all who by faith would come unto him— 
 that IS about seventeen years ago ; and I find him still the 
 same unchangeable, blessed Saviour. His mercy always 
 lull and boundless as the ocean. I find it as good to my 
 soul now, as it was then ; yea, 1 can say that it grows bridit- 
 er and brighter, and do expect it will, even to the perfect 
 day, ,f I am faithful. Then through the merits of Jesus, 
 1 expect to hear the welcome sound, ' Come, ye blessed 
 of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from 
 the foundation of the world ; ' where all tears shall be 
 wiped away from our eyes, and there with the happy throng 
 shout, and sing our sufferings over, around the throne of 
 Ood. Then 1 should behold that great and innumerable 
 company, 'that came out of great tribulation, and washed 
 their robes, and made them clean and while in the blood of 
 the Lamb, and have overcome, through the word of his 
 testimony. There we shall be at rest, and the wicked shall 
 cease from troubling us. Glory fills my ^oul while 1 med- 
 itate upon the moment, when, through grace, 1 shall unite 
 with them there. 
 
 I have now given you a sketch of the dealings of God 
 with one of his most unworthy creatures. I am a spared 
 monument of his mercy ; and through his rich grace I hope 
 to stand fast, until he takes me from time, to enter into his 
 heavenly kingdom. May this be the happy lot of us all 
 IS ihe prayer of your unworthy writer, ' 
 
 Mart Apes. 
 
TBE 
 
 EXPERIENCE 
 
 OF 
 
 HANNAH CALEB. 
 
 BY THE MISSIONARY 
 
 I WAS born in Groton, Conn. My mdther dT*ed When 
 f was about six years old — her dying request was, that I 
 might be placed amongst educated people, who would teach 
 me to read God's holy word. I accordingly was placed in 
 a white family, to be brought up. The gentleman's name, 
 with whom 1 was placed, was Mr. James Avery, where I 
 continued twelve years. They were a pious people, and 
 by them I was instructed in the paths of virtue. But how 
 much 1 have to regret that I did not take heed to my ways 
 and in the days of my youth, seek the salvation of my soul 
 —then I should have been prepared to meet those troubles 
 and trials which are incident to human life. But oh ! how 
 dark and dreary is the world whhout the sun ! so is the way 
 of sinners without the Sun of righteousness, to cheer and 
 light up their dark and gloomy paths, through this wilder- 
 ness world. But let us return — at the age of nineteen years 
 1 was married, and had ultimately five children. My hus- 
 band was a soldier in the French army, and died in Cana- 
 da — and with this trial, 1 met with many more — the loss of 
 all my dear children. And when the bosom friend, the 
 darling of all my earthly career was gone, with whom I 
 4 
 
38 
 
 should no more associate in time, it was almost too 
 much for me to bear : but oh ! when I turned to look for 
 my children, at the seats and the table that they once sur- 
 rounded, and at their pillows, which 1 had watched over 
 with the affection of a fond mother, and had often pressed 
 them to my breast, while tears fell like rain from their spark- 
 ling eyes upon my bosom, and had strove to hush them ! 
 But behold, they were no more ; but all of them locked 
 up in the cold caverns of the earth ; and I, their faces no 
 more to behold in time — they were fled to the world of 
 spirits, to Him who had created them. 
 
 Thus my husband was gone — the darling of my heart — 
 with my babes, the sweet objects of my care : thus, being 
 stripped of my earthly glory, I was left naked and wounded. 
 I now became alarmed about my future welfare — for the 
 Lord was at this time pleased to discover to me the lost con- 
 dition of my poor soul. My conviction of sin was severe, 
 but notwithstanding this, I was indifferent — not knowing 
 how to help myself; but the anguish of my soul which I 
 felt, no tongue can tell — for it was keen and pungent ; and 
 withal 1 lelt a great enmity to the christian religion, often 
 wishing, in the depravity of my heart, 1 had been left like 
 the rest of my kindred, ignorant and unknown. This may 
 be surprising to some, but 1 can assure you there was a 
 cause for this. I saw such a great inconsistency in their 
 precepts and examples, that I could not believe them. They 
 openly professed to love one another, as christians, and ev- 
 ery people of all nations whom God hath made — and yet 
 they would backbite each other, and quarrel with one an- 
 other, and would not so much as eat and drink together, 
 nor worship God together. And not only so, the poor In- 
 dians, the poor Indians, the people to whom I was wedded 
 by the common ties of nature, were set at nought by those 
 noble professors of grace, merely because we were Indians 
 — and 1 bad to bear a part with them, being of the same 
 coin; vhen in fact, viith the same abilities, with a white 
 skin, I should have been looked upon with honor and re- 
 spect. 
 
 But it is a fact, that whites, with the same principle 
 would turn against their own kin, if the providence of God 
 
3ft 
 
 should have happened to change the shades of their com- 
 plexion, ahhough the same desii and feelings. How must 
 I fee], possessing the same powers of mind, with the same 
 flesh and hlood, and all we differed, was merely in looks ? 
 or how w^ould you feel ? Judge ye. Though you never 
 have been thrust out of society, and set at nought, and pla- 
 ced beyond the notice of all, and hissed at as we have been 
 — and I pray God you never may be. These pictures of 
 distress and shame were enough to make me cry out, O hor- 
 rid inconsistency — ^who would be a christian ? But 1 re- 
 mark here, that I did not understand frail nature as 1 ought, 
 to judge rightly. I would remark here, that these feelings 
 were more peculiar 70 years ago, than now — what theit 
 feelings would be now, if the Indians owned as much land as 
 they did then, 1 cannot say. I leave the man of avarice to 
 judge. 
 
 But we observe further — the Lord was pleased in great 
 mercy to continue the work of grace upon my heart — so 1 
 made bold to inquire by going from one christian friend to 
 another, asking questions about the way, and what I must 
 do to be saved. They all said that I must pray, and look 
 to the Lord as my Saviour and friend. They told m.e that 
 Jesus Christ died for sinners, even such as I, who was the 
 chief of sinners. This encouraged me to pray, but 1 could 
 find no comfort in so doing. 1 continued almost a year be- 
 tween hope and despair, v/retched and miserable ; without 
 God and without hope in the world. The grand enemy of 
 all good, strove to decoy my mind away from my desired 
 object, and had well nigh effected his scheme, for he sug- 
 gested to me that there was no mercy for such sinners as I 
 was. I used to roam whole days in my native forest, weep- 
 ing and wailing on account of my sins — seeking the Saviour 
 of sinners — friendless, as I thought, u pitied and unknown. 
 As I was walking by the side of a large pond, the enemy 
 whispered to me to ihrov/ myself in and there end my days 
 of sorrow and affliction. I was quick to obey. I got upon 
 a log for that purpose— but a voice seemed to say to me, 
 * Hannah, my mercy is as free for thee as this water, and 
 boundless as the ocean.' The tempter fled ; my mind was 
 calm, and I returned home, thinking that my distress would 
 
40 
 
 return no more — but in this I was disappointed : soon all 
 my doubts returned, and I could say with Job, ' Thou hast 
 shaken me to pieces; all my bones are out of joint.' I was 
 very weak — eating but just enough to keep soul and body 
 united ; often sleeping on the cold ground, and frequently 
 not closing my eyes for nights together. However, 1 some- 
 times took great comfort in visiting the dear children of 
 God; some of whom I went many miles to see, and hear 
 them converse and pray for me. They pitied me, and strove 
 to comfort me, but all in vain. 
 
 I went out one evening, thinking that I should not return 
 any more, to behold ray kindred in the flesh, or see the 
 morning dawn — and there I prostrated myself before God, 
 and lifted up my hands to heaven, and^ in the language of 
 parting friends, I bade farewell to the moon, to the stars, 
 and all creation — this earthly vision no more to behold in 
 time. But withal, I prayed that if it was God's will I might 
 live a while longer — for I was not ready to die — and see 
 those praying people, and hear one more prayer for my 
 perishing soul, that I might be saved from hell, and ever- 
 lasting destruction, from the presence of God, and the glo- 
 ry of his power forever: for surely I thought it would be 
 the place of my abode forever. But the Lord heard pray- 
 er and spared me — and when the morning beamed forth, 
 and my eyes caught her rising, 1 exclaimed, Othat I might 
 hear one more prayer for my poor soul. But it was sug- 
 gested to me that christians could not help rne. I then turn- 
 ed from the world and the prayers of the saints and went 
 into the wilderness and sat myself down, and I had an im- 
 pression that I must sing. I thought, How could I sing of 
 redeeming grace and dying love ? O, the answer was, ' Sing, 
 for his mercy endureth forever.' I must praise God for that 
 — but where to begin, 1 knew not, but thought T would try. 
 So I began this way — Glory to God the Father, glory to God 
 the Son, glory to God the Holy Ghost, glory to God alone. 
 After I had done singing, I had a desire to pray ; but I 
 thought, what shall I say ? O, 1 am a poor sinner. Lord 
 have mercy upon me, a poor sinner. As I said so, glory 
 seemed to break in upon my soul, and I was dissolved into 
 the love of God, apparently, soul, body and spirit. The 
 
41 
 
 heavens seemed to descend, and with them an innumera- 
 able company of angels, and the spirits of the just made 
 perfect. They seemed to throng me — I was overcome 
 with the vision. My whole soul was lost in wonder, love 
 and praise to God. I was enabled to join the heavenly 
 company, and sing the wonders of redeeming grace, and 
 dying love. 
 
 My sins were all gone — I felt no longer their burden. I 
 was transported, as it were, to the third heaven. This was 
 about nine o'clock in the morning. Thus you see, my 
 friends, that I was all night in prayer to God ; and as I ob- 
 served, the Lord pitied me, and washed away all my sins. 
 I then returned to my christian friends with the lightness of 
 an ang,el ; with my heart tuned to sing the praise of God 
 and the Lamb, with them, who had struggled so hard at the 
 throne of grace for me. And I began to publish to them 
 what the Lord had done for my soul, and warning sinners 
 wherever I went, to flee from the wrath to come. 
 
 Surely, I could say, ' Old things are passed away, and be- 
 hold all things are become new.' I could say there was no 
 more enmity in my heart — that I loved white people as well 
 as my own. I wonder if all white christians love poor In- 
 dians ? if they did, they would never hurt them any more. 
 And certainly, if they felt as I did, they would not. For 
 ! could say as John said ; * He that is born of God, has the 
 witness in himself.' 
 
 Thus I went on from day to day, in the service of my 
 God, praising him all the while, and no cloud to darken my 
 sky. O how happy, happy, was my soul; continually full 
 of glory, glory. 
 
 Here the publisher would take the liberty of making a 
 kw remarks. Not being personally acquainted with sister 
 Caleb, 1 am not able to give her age and date of her con- 
 version, precisely. But being furnished by a young lady 
 of respectability and piety, with a copy, 1 have therefore no 
 doubt of its authenticity. But nearly all my relations, and 
 a part of my family were acquainted with her personally. 
 And here 1 would say a few things which you may place 
 confidence in, respecting her. This dear child of the for- 
 est was translated into the kingdom of God, as near as we 
 
 4* 
 
42 
 
 can learn, at the age of forty years — and, as far as we can 
 learn, she lived faithful through life. Sister Caleb was re- 
 markable for her liberality, so that she not only had the pre- 
 cept but the example. She knew no sect but that of the 
 Nazarenes — for she would go into all houses of worship 
 and exhort sinners — and eat and drink at the Lord's table 
 wherever it was spread, to show forth his death till he 
 come ; though she herself united to the Free-will Bap- 
 tists, to be under their watchful care. 
 
 Sister Caleb was also noted by all sects, to be an exam- 
 ple of piety — to all the world she was useful in temporal 
 matters, such as teaching the young children of her tribe to 
 read, while at other times she would instruct them and oth- 
 ers by precept and example, in the way to heaven and 
 happiness. I can tell you, friends, that she lived in the 
 faith of the gospel — and thus lived and died our good sister 
 in the Lord, after nearly half a century from her conversion. 
 She fell asleep in the arms of Jesus, and went down to the 
 grave with a joyful hope — big with immortality, of a glori- 
 ous resurrection in Christ at the last trump — while her soul 
 was wafted upon the wings of angels to the spirit land, to 
 dwell around the throne of God forever and ever. There 
 her trials are at an end, there she dwells in seas of rest — 
 while before her waves of glory roll, and shouts of glory 
 echofrom the throne. W. A. 
 
THE 
 
 EXPERIENCE 
 
 OF 
 
 SALLY GEORGE 
 
 BY THE MISSIONARY 
 
 I WAS born in Groton, Conn. 1779, and was brought up with- 
 out any education, as to understanding the letter in any way 
 whatever. And although there were many around us who 
 were very zealous that we should have instruction, and be 
 brought up well, yet but little was done towards it — I being 
 left in general to wander to and fro, up and down the forest 
 with my native kin. But surely I have many things to 
 praise God for. Although I had not those inestimable 
 privileges that some had and do have, yet I can say that 1 
 had some that many do not have, in time; there are many 
 of my brethren who do not, that are in the wide and west- 
 ern world. For they do not enjoy any instruction what- 
 ever. While poor me, although ignorant and unknown, yet 
 1 had some precious privileges ; such as hearing God's holy 
 word, and having good advice from those who were moth- 
 er's in Israel. And, taught by the Spirit, they would 
 beseech of me to be reconciled to God — and they were 
 those of my own kin ; and often they would do it with 
 streaming eyes and melted hearts. Sometimes I would 
 take a degree of interest in it, and at other times I would be 
 
44 
 
 quite indifFerent about it— and at other times my young 
 mates would lead me astray with their rudeness, beins only 
 about twelve or thirteen years old. 
 
 1 continued in this way for some time, between hope and 
 despair; but they continued to call after me, and the Holy 
 bpirit seconded their efforts constantly, and often it was so 
 powerful that my little heart would melt down into tender- 
 ness, and what to do with myself I knew not. I felt at 
 times melancholy and dejected ; but notwithstanding this, I 
 was encouraged by many to seek the salvation of my soul. 
 But It was hard to leave my young mates ; yet without 
 religion I knew that I must be miserable and wretched 
 lorever. But what to do I did not know, and how to pray 
 I knew not. 1 wandered up and down in the forest, weep- 
 ing and mourning on the account of my sins, not knowinp- 
 that I ever should enjoy happiness either in time or eternity! 
 Ihe enemy now would take the advantage of my youthful 
 mmd and suggest to me that there was no happiness for 
 me— -I must spend all the rest of my days in sorrow. The 
 enemy of my soul followed hard after me, and withai 
 tempted me to destroy myself. 
 
 I had become now a wanderer alone, as it were, in my 
 native woods ; and one day as I was passing by a large 
 deep brook, the enemy of my soul tempted me to destroy 
 myself in that place, by casting myself in. But I strove 
 to raise my little heart to God, that he would have mercy 
 upon my soul and save me. While thus exercised in 
 prayer to God for his kind protection, I fell to the earth as 
 one dead, under the power of God. And while in this 
 situation, I saw the pit of destruction opened for poor sin- 
 ners ; it was no imagination either — it was a solemn reality 
 — It was plain before me. My soul was in sore distress, 
 and I expected nothing but hell for my portion forever. I 
 lay in this situation for sometime as helpless as an infant, 
 begging for the mercy of God, — promising to him that I 
 would be faithful to serve him all the days of my life. The 
 Lord heard prayer and sent down his melting grace into my 
 soul ; and before 1 arose from the ground I was translated 
 into the kingdom of God's dear Son. For when I came 
 to myself I was praising God — there was a change in every- 
 
45 
 
 thing around me — the glory of the Lord shone around, — 
 all creation praised God ; my burden and my fears were 
 gone — the tempter had fled, and I was clothed and in my 
 right mind, sitting at the feet of Jesus. 
 
 I now returned home to my friends, and began to exhort 
 my young mates to repentance, and to tell all that came in 
 my way what the Lord had done for my soul. I then went 
 to the church and told it there, and the dear children of 
 God received me. I then with a servant of God went 
 down to the banks of the river and was buried with Christ 
 by immersion beneath the great water — and when I came 
 up out of the water the glory of God descended and light- 
 ed upon my soul ; and so I could rejoice continually, and 
 say the one half was never told me about this Jesus whom 
 many deride. — ^ Behold ye despisers, wonder and perish — / 
 work a loork in your day ye shall in no ivise believe, though 
 a man declare it unto you.' And although I could not read, 
 the Spirit of the Lord was with me to instruct me in the 
 way of holiness, and upon my heart was printed the image 
 of my Saviour, by the washing of regeneration and renew- 
 ing of the Holy Ghost. My soul was bathed in the love 
 of God — it was glory, and I was lost in wonder, love and 
 praise. 1 forgot all things here below, and rode in the 
 chariot of his love daily. — Bless the Lord, O my soul, and 
 all my powers, soul and body, praise him, for glory is his 
 due forever and ever. Amen — so let it be. 
 
 [ remark here that the experience of this female was an 
 Aunt upon my father's side, and personal acquaintance we 
 had with each other. She belonged to the -same church 
 that sister Caleb did, and they were well acquainted with each 
 other. She was a member of the church about thirty years, 
 and for the most of the time, as far as I can learn, she lived 
 in the life and power of religion. T have attended a great 
 many meetings with sister George, and I do not recollect 
 that she ever had a barren season to her soul. She often 
 meted out to my soul the sincere milk of the word, which 
 gave me strength in the Lord to persevere. The Lord of 
 a truth was with her. She was always diligent to seek 
 Jesus in the way. The fences, the groves, the forest, all 
 will witness to the fact. 
 
46 
 
 Her organic power of communication when tuned with 
 heavenly zeal, and burnt with heavenly love, was delightful, 
 charming and eloquent. I never knew her to speak unless 
 the congregation was watered by an overwhelming flood of 
 tears. She feared not to warn sinners to repentance while 
 she lived. She was no sectarian — she would go amongst 
 all orders of christians and worship God with them, and 
 was entirely free so to do. And I believe that she felt as 
 much for her white neighbors as for her own kindred in the 
 flesh. 
 
 She was counted almost a preacher ; her language was 
 free, lively and animating — she was also very industrious 
 and active ; her limbs would play as lively over the ground 
 as a deer. 1 have set out to walk with her twenty miles 
 to a meeting, several times in my life, and generally I had 
 to keep upon the slow pace to keep up with her. In three 
 hours and a half from the time we started, we were there. 
 She was also skilled in doctoring the sick, and was useful 
 wherever she went — and in this way procured for herself a 
 rery great share of christian and friendly patronage among all 
 who knew her. And whilst visiting the sick she would 
 often pour into their ear the balm of consolation, and refer 
 them to the blessed Jesus, who could heal both soul and 
 body. Where she met with the sin-sick soul, she 
 would pour into their ears the oil of joy, and point them to 
 Jesus who taketh away the sin of the world — the only 
 sovereign remedy for sin-sick sinners. Our sister was noted 
 generally by all for her piety through life. 
 
 At the close of her life there was a remarkable circum- 
 stance which took place, that is respecting a visit which she 
 desired to make to a neighboring village about eight miles 
 off. But I would remark that previous to this she was 
 much debilitated in body, which was caused by a lingering 
 disease, supposed to be somewhat dropsical and consump- 
 tive, and did not at times keep about, but was confined to 
 her bed. She lived a widow and withal very comfortable, 
 and used to entertain all her brethren that came to her. 
 There were some of her brethren whom she desired to see, 
 and said the Lord would give her strength to perform the 
 journey ; and so she arose, as it were, from a sick bed. 
 
47 
 
 and through the strength of the Lord she was enabled to 
 go — and while there she enjoyed some christian conversa- 
 tion ; had a few good meetings and bade her brethren fare- 
 well, to meet no more in time — and returned home to die. 
 She was now composed and ready to die, — and in two 
 weeks afterwards, she fell asleep in the arms of Jesus, 
 without a struggle or a groan, May 6th, 1826, aged forty- 
 five years. 
 
 At the last, the fear of death was taken away, and her 
 dying bed was glorious and interesting. Her friends were 
 many, both natives and whites. The whites paid to her 
 remains the last tribute of respect, which is due to chris- 
 tians, and united in shedding the tears of sympathy and 
 deposhing her remains in the dark and lonesome caverns of 
 the earth, there to remain, locked up in the cold and icy 
 arms of death— 'till the blast of the Archangel shall blow 
 out the sun, and pour the stars upon the earth like rain ; 
 then shall her ransomed dust revive, and in the Saviour's 
 image rise. But while she sleeps in dust below, she bathes 
 her weary soul in seas of heavenly rest, and not a wave of 
 trouble rolls across her peaceful breast — O, reader, strive to 
 meet her there. W. A, 
 
TH£ 
 
 EXPERIENCE 
 
 OF 
 
 ANNE WAMPLY. 
 
 BY THE MISSIONARY, 
 
 In the year 1831, I was sent by the New York annual 
 conference of the Protestant Methodists, to visit this tribe 
 and preach to them. Being my native tribe, I took pleas- 
 ure in so doing ; and when I arrived to the place of my 
 destination, I found them a poor miserable company. But 
 1 intend to speak further in another place, and shall pro- 
 ceed with her experience. 
 
 I commenced exhorting them to flee the wrath to come 
 — there was an old veteran of the woods, who despised all 
 that was said to her upon the subject of salvation, and would 
 use very bad language in her way, being not able to speak 
 plain English ; however, the Lord reached her heart, and 
 many others, and there was a work of God amongst us. 
 Sister Anne was brought to bow and humble herself at the 
 feet of Jesus, after she had experienced the holy religion 
 of Jesus. She then was free to tell the exercises of her 
 mind, and not till then. We will give it to you in her own 
 language ; — it is broken, but you can understand it. She 
 began thus : — When christian come talk with me, me no 
 like 'em ; me no want to see 'em ; me love nobody ; I want 
 
49 
 
 no religion. But sister Amy no let me alone ; she talk 
 a great deal to me about Jesus. Sister Apes too come talk 
 pray for me. I be afraid I should see em and me no want 
 to hear em — byme by me come trouble very much ; me 
 very much troubled. Me no like christians, me hate em ; 
 hate every body— byme by me very much troubled ; me 
 get sick, me afraid 1 die— me go pray, go off all alone in 
 the woods— me afraid I go to hell ; me pray ; byme by 
 Jesus come take me by the hand lead me a great way off 
 — show me one place look like hell ; me come close to it 
 so me feel it— me afraid 1 fall in ; me cry to Jesus to have 
 mercy on poor me. He take me by the hand again and 
 lead me back, — show me one great mountain all full of 
 crevices ; he say 1 must make that all smooth before I come 
 again. I say hard work ; I afraid I go to hell at last. I 
 pray I look to Jesus ; byme by me give up, then me feel 
 light, like one feather ; me want to die me want to fly — me 
 want to go home ; me love every body, me want to drink 
 
 00 more rum. I want this good religion all the time.' She 
 now began to exhort sinners. ' I wish I could talk like 
 white folks, me would tell every body how I love Jesus; 
 then she said to the young people, don't do like I done, me 
 old sinner — great many years me sin, do wickedly ; come 
 love Jesus ; I want every body to come love Jesus. O how 
 
 1 love Jesus ; me want every body to pray for me, so I get 
 to heaven where Jesus is.' She looked upon me just as I 
 was about to leave her, and with streaming eyes said. Pray 
 for me that I go to heaven. And while I was thus beholding 
 her face and viewing the tears streaming down her furrowed 
 cheeks, it did me good— for I beheld glory beaming in her 
 countenance which bespoke the expression of the inward 
 man. 
 
 Our sister was born in Groton, (Conn.) A. D. 1760 — 
 lived in sin rising 70 years, brought up in ignorance and 
 prodigality till old age, and then snatched ns a brand from 
 the burning, and translated into the glorious light of the 
 gospel, and made an heir of all things. How good and 
 kind is God to all men ; notwithstanding they live long in sin 
 and rebel against him, yet he is willing to have mercy upon 
 all that will come unto him, let them be ever so great and 
 unprofitable sinners. 
 5 
 
50 
 
 Should this happen to fall into the hands of any old 
 transgressor that has not become wise above what is written^ 
 1 hope they will remember that they will want Master J«su& 
 as well as sister Anne Wampy. Lord help, Amen. 
 
 W, A. 
 
▲V 
 
 INDIAN'S LOOKING-GLASS 
 
 J<OA TUB 
 
 WHITE MAN. 
 
AY 
 
 NDIAN'S LOOKING-GLASS 
 
 FOB, THE 
 
 WHITE MAN 
 
 Having a desire to place a few things befare my fellow 
 •creatures who are travelling with me to the grave, and to 
 that God who is the maker and preserver both of the 
 white man and the Indian, whose abilities are the same, and 
 who are to be judged by one God, who will show no favor 
 to outward appearances, but will judge righteousness. Now 
 I ask if degradation has not been heaped long enough upon 
 the Indians ? And if so, can there not be a compromise ; 
 is it right to hold and promote prejudices ? If not, why 
 not put them all away ? I mean here amongst those who 
 are civilized. It may be that many are ignorant of the 
 situation of many of my brethren within the limits of New 
 England. Let me for a few moments turn your attention 
 to the reservations in the different states of New England, 
 and, with but few exceptions, we shall find them as follows : 
 The most mean, abject, miserable race of beings in the 
 ^orld — a complete place of prodigality and prostitution. 
 
 Let a gentleman and lady, of integrity and respectability 
 visit these places, and they would be surprised ; as they 
 wandered from one hut to the other they would view with 
 the females who are left alone, children half starved, and 
 some almost as naked as they came into the world. And 
 it is a fact that I have seen them as much so — while the 
 females are left without protection, and are seduced by 
 white men, and are finally left to be common prostitutes for 
 them, and to be destroyed by that burning, fiery curse, that 
 #5 
 
54 
 
 has swept millions, both of red and white men, into the 
 grave with sorrow and disgrace—Rum. One reason 
 why they are left so is, because their most sensible and 
 active men are absent at sea. Another reason is, because 
 they are made to believe they are minors and have not the 
 abilities given them from God, to take care of themselves, 
 without it is to see to a (ew litde articles, such as baskets 
 and brooms. Their land is in common stock, and they 
 have nothing to make them enterprising. 
 
 Another reason is because those men who are Agents, 
 many of them are unfaithful, and care not whether the 
 Indians live or die ; they are much imposed upon by their 
 neighbors who have no principle. They would think it no 
 crime to go upon Indian lands and cut and carry off their 
 most valuable timber, or any thing else they chose ; and 
 I doubt not but they think it clear gain. Another reason is 
 because they have no education to take care of themselves ; 
 if they had, I would risk them to take care of their own 
 property. 
 
 _ Now I will ask, if the Indians are not called the most 
 mgenious people amongst us ? And are they not said to be 
 men of talents? And 1 would ask, could there be a more 
 efficient way to distress and murder them by inches than 
 the way they have taken ? And there is no people in the 
 world but who may be destroyed in the same way. Now 
 if these people are what they are held up in our view to be, 
 I would take the liberty to ask why they are not brouf'ht 
 forward and pains taken to educate them ? to give them^all 
 a common education, and those of the brightest and first- 
 rate talents put forward and held up to office. Perhaps 
 some unholy, unprincipled men would cry out, the skin was 
 not good enough ; but stop friends— I am not talking about 
 the skin, but about principles. I would ask if there cannot 
 be as good feelings and principles under a red skin as there 
 can be under a white ? And let me ask, is it not on the 
 account of a bad principle, that we who are red children 
 have had to suffer so much as we have ? And let me ask, 
 did not this bad principle proceed from the whites or their 
 forefathers ? And I would ask, is it worth while to nourish 
 it any longer ? If not, then let us have a change ; although 
 
55 
 
 some men no doubt will spout their corrupt principles 
 against it, that are in the halls of legislation and elsewhere. 
 But [ presume this kind of talk will seem surprising and 
 horrible. I do not see why it should so long as they (the 
 whites) say that they think as much of us as they do of 
 themselves. 
 
 This I have heard repeatedly, from the most respectable 
 gentlemen and ladies — and having heard so much precept, 
 I should now wish to see the example. And I would ask 
 who has a better right to look for these things than the 
 naturalist himself — the candid man would say none. 
 
 I know that many say that they are willing, perhaps the 
 majority of the people, that we should enjoy our rights and 
 privileges as they do. If so, I would ask why are not we pro- 
 tected in our persons and property throughout the Union ? 
 Is it not because there reigns in the breast of many who 
 are leaders, a most unrighteous, unbecoming and impure 
 black principle, and as corrupt and unholy as it can be — 
 while these very same unfeeling, self-esteemed characters 
 pretend to take the skin as a pretext to keep us from our 
 unalienable and lawful rights ? I would ask you if you would 
 like to be disfranchised from all your rights, merely because 
 your skin is white, and for no other crime ? I '11 venture to 
 say, these very characters who hold the skin to be such a 
 barrier in the way, would be the first to cry out, injustice ! 
 awful injustice ! 
 
 But, reader, I acknowledge that this is a confused world, 
 and I am not seeking for office ; but merely placing before 
 you the black inconsistency that you place before me — 
 which is ten times blacker than any skin that you will find 
 in the Universe. And now let me exhort you to do away 
 that principle, as it appears ten times worse in the sight of 
 God and candid men, than skins of color — more disgrace 
 ful than all the skins that Jehovah ever made. If black or 
 red skins, or any other skin of color is disgraceful to God, 
 it appears that he has disgraced himself a great deal — for 
 he has made fifteen colored people to one white, and placed 
 them here upon this earth. 
 
 Now let me ask you, white man, if it is a disgrace for 
 to eat, drink and sleep with the image of God, or sit, or 
 
56 
 
 walk and talk with them ? Or have you the folly to think 
 that the white man, being one in fifteen or sixteen, are the 
 only beloved images of God ? Assemble all nations togeth- 
 er in your imagination, and then let the whites be seated 
 amongst them, and then let us look for the whites, and I 
 doubt not it would be hard finding them ; for to the rest of 
 the nations, they are still but a handful. Now suppose these 
 skins were put together, and each skin had its national crimes 
 written upon it — which skin do you think would have the 
 greatest? I will ask one question more. Can you charge 
 the Indians with robbing a nation almost of their whole Con- 
 tinent, and murdering their women and children, and then 
 depriving the remainder of their lawful rights, that nature 
 and God require them to have ? And to cap the climax, 
 rob another nation to till their grounds, and welter out their 
 days under the lash with hunger and fatigue under the scorch- 
 ing rays of a burning sun ? I should look at all the skins, 
 and 1 know that when I cast my eye upon that white skin, 
 and if 1 saw those crimes written upon it, I should enter 
 my protest against it immediately, and cleave to that which 
 is more honorable. And I can tell you that I am satisfied 
 with the manner of my creation, fully — whether others are 
 or not. 
 
 But we will strive to penetrate more fully into the con- 
 duct of those who profess to have pure principles, and who 
 tell us to follow Jesus Christ and imitate him and have 
 his Spirit. Let us see if they come any where near him 
 and his ancient disciples. The first thing we are to look at, 
 are his precepts, of which we will mention a few. ' Thou 
 shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy 
 soul, with all thy mind, and with all thy strength. The sec- 
 ond is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thy- 
 self. On these two precepts hang all the law and the 
 prophets. — Matt. xxii. 37, 38, 39, 40. By this shall all 
 men know that they are my disciples, if ye have love one 
 to another.' — John xiii. 35. Our Lord left this special 
 command with his followers, that they should love one an- 
 other. 
 
 Again, John in his Epistles says, ' He who loveth God, 
 loveth his brother also.' — iv. 21. ' Let us not love in word 
 
but in deed.' — iii. 18. * Let your love be without dissim- 
 ulation. See that ye love one another with a pure heart 
 fervently.' — 1. Peter, viii. 22. ^ If any man say, I love 
 God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar.' — John iv. 20, 
 
 * Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer, and no mur- 
 derer hath eternal life abiding in him.' The first thing that, 
 takes our attention, is the saying of Jesus, ' Thou shalt love,' 
 &,c. The first question I would ask my brethren in the 
 ministry, as well as that of the membership. What is love, 
 or its effects ? Now if they who teach are not essentially 
 affected with pure love, the love of God, how can they 
 teach as they ought? Again, the holy teachers of old said, 
 
 * Now if any man have not the spirit of Christ, he is none 
 of his.' — Rom. viii. 9. Now my brethren in the ministry, 
 let me ask you a few sincere questions. Did you ever hear 
 or read of Christ teaching his disciples that they ought to 
 despise one because his skin was different from theirs ? 
 Jesus Christ being a Jew, and those of his Apostles cer- 
 tainly were not whites, — and did not he who completed the 
 plan of salvation complete it for the whites as well as for 
 the Jews, and others ? And were not the whites the most 
 degraded people on the earth at that time, and none were 
 more so ; for they sacrificed their children to dumb idols ! 
 And did not St. Paul labor more abundantly for building up 
 a christian nation amongst you than any of the Apostles. 
 And you know as well as I that you are not indebted to a 
 principle beneath a white skin for your religious services, 
 but to a colored one. 
 
 What then is the matter now ; is not religion the same 
 now under a colored skin as it ever was ? If so I would 
 ask why is not a man of color respected ; you may say as 
 many say, we have white men enough. But was this the 
 spirit of Christ and his Apostles? If it had been, there 
 would not have been one white preacher in the world — for 
 Jesus Christ never would have imparted his grace or word 
 to them, for he could forever have withheld it from them. 
 But we find that Jesus Christ and his Apostles never looked 
 at the outward appearances. Jesus in particular looked at 
 the hearts, and his Apostles through him being discerners of 
 the spirit, looked at their fruit without any regard to the 
 
58 
 
 skin, color or nation ; as St. Paul himself speaks, * Where 
 there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncir- 
 cumcision, Barbarian nor Scythian, bond nor free — but 
 Christ is all and in all.' If you can find a spirit like Jesus 
 Christ and his Apostles prevailing now in any of the white 
 congregations, I should like to know it. I ask, is it not the 
 case that every body that is not white is treated with con- 
 tempt and counted as barbarians ? And I ask if the word 
 of God justifies the white man in so doing ? When the 
 prophets prophesied, of whom did they speak ? When they 
 spoke of heathens, was it not the whites and others who 
 were counted Gentiles ? And I ask if all nations with the 
 exception of the Jews were not counted heathens? and 
 according to the writings of some, it could not mean the 
 Indians, for they are counted Jews. And now I would ask, 
 why is all this distinction made among these christian soci- 
 eties ? I would ask what is all this ado about Missionary 
 Societies, if it be not to christianize those who are not 
 christians ? And what is it for ? To degrade them worse, to 
 bring them into society where they must welter out their 
 days in disgrace merely because their skin is of a different 
 complexion. What folly it is to try to make the state of 
 human society worse than it is. How astonished some may 
 be at this — but let me ask, is it not so ? Let me refer you 
 to the churches only. And my brethren, is there any agree- 
 ment ? Do brethren and sisters love one another ? — 
 Do they not rather hate one another. Outward 
 forms and ceremonies, the lusts of the flesh, the lusts 
 of the eye and pride of life is of more value to many pro- 
 fessors, than the love of God shed abroad in their hearts, 
 or an attachment to his altar, to his ordinances or to his 
 children. But you may ask who are the children of God ? 
 perhaps you may say none but white. If so, the word of 
 the Lord is not true. 
 
 I will refer you to St. Peter's precepts — Acts 10. ' God 
 is no respecter of persons' — &c. Now if this is the case, 
 my white brother, what better are you than God ? And if 
 no belter, why do you who profess his gospel and to have his 
 spirit, act so contrary to it ? Let me ask why the men of a 
 different skin are so dispised, why are not they educated 
 and placed in your pulpits ? I ask if his services well per- 
 
59 
 
 7 
 
 formed are not as good as if a white man performed them ? 
 I ask if a marriage or a funeral ceremony, or the ordinance 
 of the Lord's house would not be as acceptable in the sight 
 of God as though he was white ? And if so, why is it not 
 to you ? I ask again, why is it not as acceptable to have 
 men to exercise their office in one place as well as in anoth- 
 er ? Perhaps you will say that if we admit you to all of 
 these privileges you will want more. I expect that I can 
 guess what that is— Why, say you, there would be intermar- 
 riages. How that would be 1 am not able to say — and if it 
 should be, it would be nothing strange or new to me ; for I 
 can assure you that I know a great many that have inter- 
 married, both of the whites and the Indians — and many are 
 their sons and daughters — and people too of the first respec- 
 tability. And I could point to some in the famous city of 
 Boston and elsewhere. You may now look at the disgrace- 
 ful act in the statute law passed by the Legislature of Mas- 
 sachusetts, and behold the fifty pound fine levied upon any 
 Clergyman or Justice of the Peace that dare to encourage 
 the laws of God and nature by a legitimate union in holy 
 wedlock between the Indians and whites. I would ask how 
 this looks to your law makers. I would ask if this corres- 
 ponds with your sayings— that you think as much of the 
 Indians as you do of the whites. 1 do not wonder that you 
 blush many of you while you read ; for many have broken 
 the ill-fated laws made by man to hedge up the laws of God 
 and nature. I would ask if they who have made the law 
 have not broken it — but there is no other state in New 
 England that has this law but Massachusetts ; and I think as 
 many of you do not, that you have done yourselves no credit. 
 But as I am not looking for a wife, having one of the fin- 
 est cast, as you no doubt would understand while you read 
 her experience and travail of soul in the way to heaven, 
 you will see that it is not my object. And if I had none, 
 I should not want any one to take my right from me and 
 choose a wife for me ; for I think that I or any of my breth- 
 ren have a right to choose a wife for themselves as well as 
 the whites — and as the whites have taken the liberty to 
 choose my brethren, the Indians, hundreds and thousands 
 of them as partners in life, I believe the Indians have as 
 
60 
 
 much right to choose their partners amongst the whites iff 
 they wish. I would ask you if you can see any thing in- 
 consistent in your conduct and talk about the Indians? 
 And if you do, I hope you will try to become more consis- 
 tent. Now if the Lord Jesus Christ, who is counted by all i 
 to be a Jew, and it is well known that the Jews are a color- 
 ed people, especially those living in the East, where Christ: 
 was born — and if he should appear amongst us, would he 
 not be shut out of doors by many, very quickly ? and by 
 those too, who profess religion ? 
 
 By what you read, you may learn how deep your prin- 
 ciples are. I should say they were skin deep. I should 
 not wonder if some of the most selfish and ignorant would 
 spout a charge of their principles now and then at me. But I 
 would ask, how are you to love your neighbors as yourself? 
 Is it to cheat them ? is it to wrong them in any thing ? Now 
 to cheat them out of any of their rights is robbery. And 
 I ask, can you deny that you are not robbing the Indians 
 daily, and many others } But at last you may think I am 
 what is called a hard and uncharitable man. But not so. 
 I believe there are many who would not hesitate to advo-- 
 cate our cause ; and those too who are men of fame and 
 respectability — as well as ladies of honor and virtue. There 
 is a Webster, an Everett, and a Wirt, and many others who 
 are distinguished characters — ^besides an host of my fellow 
 citizens, who advocate our cause daily. And how I con- 
 gratulate such noble spirits — how they are to be prized and 
 valued ; for they are well calculated to promote the happi- 
 ness of mankind. They well know that man was made for 
 society, and not for hissing stocks and outcasts. And when 
 such a principle as this lies within the hearts of men, how 
 much it is like its God — and how it honors its Maker — and 
 how it imitates the feelings of the good Samaritan, that had 
 his wounds bound up, who had been among thieves and rob- 
 bers. 
 
 Do not get tired, ye noble-hearted — only think how ma- 
 ny poor Indians want their wounds done up daily ; the Lord 
 will reward you, and pray you stop not till this tree of dis- 
 tinction shall be levelled*^ to the earth, and the mantle of 
 prejudice torn from every American heart — 'then shall peace 
 pervade the Union. William Apes. 
 
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