>'^^-%'.'^ik}. Class lEli^il5_45 Book.J-5SL_2lB_7 CCSPXRIGHT DEPOSIT. v< BOOKS BY JESSE LYNCH WILLIAMS PoBLiBHED BY CHARliES SCRIBNER'S SONS Princeton Stories (1895). 12mo . . net 91.00 The Adventures of a Freshman (1899). Il- lustrated by Fletcher Ransom. 12iuo net $1.25 The Stolen Story, and Other Newspaper Stories (1899). lUustrated by A. I. Keller. 12mo net $1.25 New Yorl< SItetches (1902). With many drawings by Jules Guerin, Henry McCarter, Ernest Peixotto, and others. Small quarto net $2.00 The Day-Dreamer (1906). (Being a novel- ization of the four-act comedy, " The Stolen Story.") 12mo net $1.25 The Qirl and the Game, and Other College Stories (1908). Illustrated by W. T. Smedley, Henry Hutt, and others. 12mo net $1.35 The Married Life of the Frederic Carrolls (1910). Illustrated by F. R. Gruger and W. Sherman Potts. 12mo . ... net $1.3S Why Marry? (1918). New edition of "And So They Were Married," illustrated with pictures from the play net $1.50 Remating Time (1916). Illustrated by Henry Raleigh. 12mo net .50 WHY MARRY? WHY MARRY? (Originally published under the title "And So They Were Married ") BY JESSE LYNCH WILLIAMS ILLUSTRATED NEW YORK CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS 1918 Copyright, 1914, 1918, by CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS Published October, 1914 New and revised edition published April, 19 iS IAII rights strictly reserved — In- cluding amateur acting rights.) APR 30 ISIS TO HARRIET AND JAMES LEES LAIDLAW Frotn a photO!;raph iv ll'hitc- SiuJto. Helen: You're about the most conceited man I ever knew. Ernest: How can I help it, when you admire me so? [P(ig<' 94- WHY MARRY? A Comedy in Three Acts New York: Astor Theatre: Produced by Selwyn & Company, Dec. 2$, 1917, under the direction of Roi Cooper Megrue. The scene is a week-end at a country house not far away; the time, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, and Sunday evening. THE PEOPLE AT THE HOUSE (As You Meet Them) JEAN, the host's younger sister, who has been brought up to be married and nothing else LOTUS ROBB REX, an unmarried neighbor, who has not been brought up to be anything but rich HAROLD WEST LUCY, the hostess, who is trying her best to be "just an old- fashioned wife" in a new-fashioned home, BEATRICE BECKLEY UNCLE EVERETT, a Judge, who belongs to the older gen- eration and yet understands the new — and^believesjin divorce NAT C. GOODWIN COUSIN THEODORE, a clergyman and yet a human be- ing, who believes in everything — except divorce, ERNEST LAWFORD JOHN, who owns the house and almost every one in it — and does not believe in divorce EDMUND BREESE HELEN, the host's other sister, whom every one wants to marry, but who doesn't want to marry any one, ESTELLE WINWOOD ERNEST, a scientist, who believes in neither divorce nor marriage but makes a great discovery . . . SHELLEY HULL (By arrangement with George C. Tyler) THE BUTLER RICHARD PITMAN ■TOE FQQTMAN. WALTER GOODSON ADVANCE NOTICE BY THE AUTHOR One afternoon shortly before the New York "opening" of this comedy a most estimable lady sat down to make me a cup of tea. **Now, do tell me, what is your play about ?'* she inquired with commendable enthusiasm. For, being a true woman, she had early achieved the becoming habit of letting members of the su- perior sex talk about themselves. "*Why Marry.?'" said I, ''tells the truth about marriage." "Oh, why," she expostulated, "why write un- pleasant plays ? " "But it is not 'unpleasant.' " "Then it isn't true !" she exclaimed. "That is, I mean — I mean — did you say cream or lemon ?'* And in the pause which accompanied the pouring of the cream I detected the look of one realizing too late that it is always better to think before speaking. This little incident, it seemed to me, epito- mizes charmingly the attitude of "our nicest people" toward our fundamental institution. The truth about marriage must be unpleasant. ix Advance Notice Therefore, tell us something we know isn't true. It will be so much nicer for our young people. It is to be feared, however, that young people who go to see " Why Marry ? " in the hope of be- ing shocked do not get their money's worth. I have heard of but two persons who have been scandalized by this play, and they were both old people. One was a woman in the country who had not seen it, but had read the title, and so wrote several indignant letters about it. The other was an elderly bachelor of the type which finds useful occupation in decorating club win- dows like geraniums. He took his niece to see it, and, deciding at the end of Act II that the play was going to be unpleasant in Act III, took her home at once. The next afternoon she appeared at the matinee with a whole bevy of her own generation and saw the rest of the play. I asked her later if it had shocked any of them. *'0h, no," she replied, "we are too young to be shocked." That little incident also struck me as socially significant. There never were two generations inhabiting the same globe simultaneously with such widely separated points of view. For several years after this play was first pub- lished no theatrical manager on Broadway would Advance Notice produce it. I don't blame them, I want to thank them for it. I doubt if this sort of thing could have appealed to many theatre-goers then, especially as my young lovers are trying to be good, not bad. "Self-expression" and "the right to happiness " do not enter into their plans. The causes of their courageous and, of course, mistaken decision are unselfish and social mo- tives, however futile and antisocial the results would have been had not their desperate de- termination been thwarted. . . . When this play was first published most people were not thinking along these lines. Such ideas were con- sidered radical then. They will soon be old- fashioned — even on the stage. Kind and discriminating as the critics have been in regard to this comedy (a discriminating critic being, of course, one who praises your play), few of them have seen the point which I thought I was making emphatically clear, namely, that we can't cure social defects by in- dividual treatment. Not only the lovers, but all the characters in this play are trying to do right according to their lights. There is no villain in this piece. At least the villain remains "oflF stage." Perhaps that is why so few see him. You are the villain, you and I and the rest of society. We are responsible for the rules and regulations xi Advance Notice of the marriage game. Instead of having fun with human nature, I tried to go higher up and have fun with human institutions. I say "tried," because apparently I did not succeed. The joke is on me. Still, I can get some amusement out of it : for a great many people seem to like this play who would be indignant if they knew what they were really applauding. They think they are merely enjoying " satire on human nature." Now, it is a curious fact that you can always curse human nature with impunity; can malign it, revile it, boot it up and down the decalogue, and you will be warmly praised. "How true to life!" you are told. "I know some one just like that." (It is always some one else, of course.) But dare lay hands on the Existing Order — and you'll find you've laid your hands on a hornet's nest. You see, most people do not want anything changed — except possibly the Law of Change. They do not object to finding fault with mankind because "you can't change human nature," as they are fond of telling you with an interesting air of originality. But laws, customs, and ideals can be changed, can be improved. Therefore they cry: "Hands off! How dare you!" Man made human institutions, therefore we reverence them. Whereas human nature was merely made xii Advance Notice by God. So we don't think so much of it. We are prejudiced, hke all creators, in favor of our own creations. After all, there is excellent precedent for such complacency. Even God, we are in- formed, pronounced his work "all very good" and rested on the seventh day. Pretty nearly everything in the play as acted is in the book as published; but by no means all that is in the book could possibly be enacted on the stage in two hours and a half. One scene, a breakfast scene between John and his wife, has been amplified for acting, but all the other scenes as printed here have been shortened for stage purposes and one or two cut out entirely. The "set" was changed to represent the log- gia, instead of the terrace, of John's "little farm." Outdoor scenes are not supposed to be good for comedy. Walls, or a suggestion of them, produce a better psychological effect for the purpose, besides making it possible to speak in quieter, more intimate tones than when the voice spills out into the wings and up into the paint loft. Near the end of the play a number of relatives, rich and poor, are supposed to arrive for dinner and for influencing by their presence the re- calcitrant couple. That is the way it is printed xiii Adva-nce Notice and that is how it was acted during the first few weeks of the Chicago run. But though the family may have its place in the book, it proved to be an awful nuisance on the stage. No matter how well these minor parts might be acted (or dressed), their sudden irruption during the last and most important moments of the perform- ance distracted the audience's attention from the principal characters and the main issue. It was not clear who was who. Programmes fluttered; perplexity was observed. ... So we decided that the family must be destroyed. It is always a perplexing problem to devise a substi- tute for the family. Jesse Lynch Williams. XIV ILLUSTRATIONS Helen: You're about the most conceited man I ever knew. Ernest: How can I help it, when you admire me so? Frontispiece FACING PAGE All: Then why, why do you want a divorce ? Judge: Because, damn it, I don't like her .... 30 Judge : You poor little pessimists ! Human nature to-day is better than it ever was, but our most important institution is worse — the most sacred relationship in life has become a jest in the market-place 204 Judge: We thought we believed in trial marriage. Nothing of the sort — trial separation ! What marriage put asunder divorce has joined to- gether 230 Act I "And So They Were Married" Act I Up from the fragrant garden comes a girl, run- ning. She takes the broad terrace steps two at a stride, laughing., breathless, fleet as a fawn, sweet as a rose. She is hotly pursued by a boy, handsome, ardent, attractively selfish, and just now blindly determined to catch the pretty creature before she gains the protecting shelter of home. She is determined to let him hut not to let him know it. . . . There, she might have darted in through the open door, hut it is such a cold, formal entrance; she pretends to he exhausted, dodges behind a stone tea-table, and, turning, faces him, each pant- ing and laughing excitedly ; she alluring and defiant, he merry and dominafit. She is twenty-five and he is a year or two older, hut they are both children; in other words, unmarried. "And So They Were Married" T Rex HINK I'll let you say that to me ? Jean • [making a face at him] Think I'm afraid of you! Rex Take it back, I tell you. Jean I won't. Rex I'll make you. Jean [with a dance step] Think so, do you ? Rex I warn you. Jean Booh-woo ! [He makes a feint to the right, then dashes to the left and catches her. 4 'And So They Were Married" Rex [triumphantly] Now ! . . . You would, would Jean [struggling] you ? Let me go, Rex I couldn't think of it. Jean [seizes his hands to free herself — cant] You're so strong — it isn't fair. Rex You're so sweet — it isn't fair. [Smiling down at her struggles, rejoicing in his strength, her weakness, he gently draws her near. Jean [knows what is coming No, Rex. Rex Yes. S "And So They Were Married" Jean You mustn't. Rex But I will. [He laughs and kisses her lightly on the cheek. Therefore she struggles furiously. There- fore he does it again. And again. Suddenly he enfolds her completely and kisses her passionately — cheeks^ mouthy eyes — until she gasps in alarm. Laughter has gone from them now. Jean Oh, please ! . . . some one will come. Rex ' [with the intoxication of such moments] I don't care who comes — I love you. Jean No ... let me go. Rex Not till you kiss me, Jean. [Jean hesitates^ brushes his cheek lightly with her lipsy and in pretty confusion tries to escape.] Not till you 6 "And So They Were Married" say you love me, Jean. [Eyes hidden in his coaty she bobs her head. He laughs and loves it\ Say it ! Jean I — er — do. Rex Do what ? . . . Say it ! . . . [She cannot. He swings her about, bringing her face close to his. Jean I love you, Rex. Are you sure you love me } Rex Am I sure ! You irresistible little — [Begins to kiss her. Masculine triumph. Jean And want to marry me, Rex } Rex [stops — startled — had not thought oj that] Why — er — of course. What did you suppose ! [Drops his eyes, sobered. 7 "And So They Were Married" Jean [feminine triumph] And me "a penniless orphing" ? Rex [fascinated by the way she says it^ he laughs. Theny his honor touched] Why, what kind of a man do you take me for! [^nd wants her lips again. Jean [giving herself to him^ head sinks upon his shoulder] Then, oh, Rex, love me and be nice to me and — and take me away from all this ! [She covers her face with her hands and sobs. He pats her tenderly, with a manly look on his face. Lucy comes up from the garden. She is dressed in white with a garden hat, a garden basket filled with flowers in one hand, long scissors in the other. She is John's wife, the mistress of the house, sister-in-law to Jean; conspicuously a '^ sweet'' woman, affectedly so, a contrast with Jean's more modern, less delicate charm. Jean is frank 8 "And So They Were Married" and brave, Lucy indirect aitd timid, pretty but fading, forty but fighting it. Jean [laughing] It's all right, Lucy — we're engaged ! Lucy Well, I should hope so ! [Shoots a look at Jean, "So?" Rex [recovering himself] I have often tried to thank you and good old John for letting me come over here so much, but now ! How can I ever thank you ? See-what- I-mean ? Lucy I'll tell you how. Behave yourself after you are married to John's Httle sister. Jean Rex, have you had a fearful past ? How fas- cinating ! 9 **And So They Were Married" Rex I'm going to have a glorious future, all right. Jean Not unless you do as I tell you. Going to obey me, Rex ? Rex You bet I am. Jean Then begin now. Go ! . . . Get out ! [She pushes Rex, laughing and protesting, toward the garden.] I want to tell Lucy how nice you are. Run along over to the golf club, and by and by — if you are a good boy — you can take me out in your new car. [Rex kisses the hand on his arm and leaves, laughing.] My dear, he has five cars ! Thank you so much. [Alone, they throw off the mask worn before men, Lucy Now, deary, tell me all about it. How did it happen .? Jean Oh, I simply followed your advice. lO "And So They Were Married" Lucy Picked a quarrel with him ? Jean [laughing] Yes. I pretended to believe in woman suf- frage ! Lucy Good ! They hate that. Jean I told him all men were bullying brutes ! Lucy They are! And then you ran away ? Jean Of course. Lucy And he after you^ Jean Of course. Lucy And you let him catch you ? II "And So They Were Married" Jean Of cour — well ... he caught me. [They both laugh. Lucy I can guess the rest. Jean Why, it didn't take five minutes. Lucy And now it's to last through all eternity. . . . Isn't love wonderful ? Jean Um-hum. Wonderful. [They begin to cull out the flowers. Lucy But you do love him, dear, don't you } Jean [arranging flowers] I did then. I don't now. Why is that, Lucy ? Lucy Oh, but you will learn to love him. [Jean shrugs y drops flowers ^ and turns away.] Now, 12 "And So They Were Married" now ! no worrying — it brings wrinkles ! [Pat- ting Jeans shoulder.] Rex is just the sort to give the woman he adores everything in the world. Jean [wriggling out of Lucy's embrace] I am not the woman he adores. Lucy Why, Jean ! He's engaged to you. Jean But he's in love with my sister. You know that as well as I do. Lucy [uncomfortahly] Oh, well, he was once, but not now. Men admire these independent women, but they don't marry them. Nobody wants to marry a sexless freak with a scientific degree. Jean Oh, what's the use, Lucy ? He's still wild about Helen, and she still laughs at him. So you and John have trotted out the little sister. Why not be honest about it. 13 "And So They Were Married" Lucy Well, I may be old-fashioned, but I don't think it's nice to talk this way when you're just engaged. Jean Here comes your "sexless freak" — not with a degree, either. Lucy [following Jean's gaze] With a man! Jean [smiling With my man. [Helen, with Rex bending toward her eagerly y appears. She is a beautiful woman of twenty-nine, tall, strong, glorious — plenty of old-fashioned charm, despite her new-fashioned ideas. She is dressed in a tennis costume and is swinging a racquet. Rex But they told me you were going to stay abroad all winter. 14 "And So They Were Married'* Helen My work, Rex — I had to get back to work. Rex Work ! . . . You are too good to work. Jean [amusedy not jealous] Is this your high-powered car, Rex ? Have you learned to run it yet ? Rex [startled] But . . . well . . . you see, I met Helen on the way. See-what-I-mean ? Jean [la^lgh^ng] Oh, we see. Rex But I hadn't seen her for so long. I thought — [Looks from Helen to Jean] . . . wait, I'll get the car. [He hurries off. Lucy [to Jean] Why couldn't she have stayed abroad! 15 "And So They Were Married" Jean Helen, don't talk about your work before Lucy — it shocks her. Helen Oh, very well; make it my 'career'! Jean [arm around Helen] Sssh ! — that's worse. Lucy Helen, dear, I deem it my duty to tell you that you are being talked about. Helen Lucy, dear, do you always find your true happiness in duty .? Lucy Well, if you think you are going back to that horrid place again . . . after what happened that night .? John won't hear of it. Helen If the Baker Institute of Medical Experiment is not a respectable place you should make John resign as trustee. [She laughs it o_ff. i6 "And So They Were Married" Lucy John is trustee of — oh, nearly everything. That makes it all the worse. It isn't as if you had to work. Helen Oh, but John is so rich now, his credit can stand it. And you oughtn't to mind ! Why, some of our most fashionable families now con- tain freaks like me. It's becoming quite smart, just as in former days one of the sons would go into the Church or the navy. Lucy Well, of course, I am old-fashioned, but going down-town every day with the men, — it seems so unwomanly. Helen But wasn't I womanly for years ^ Instead of going down-town and working with highbrows, I stayed up-town and played with lowbrows — until I was bored to death. Lucy [sighs] Yes, that's what comes of going to college, leaving the home, getting these new ideas. All 17 "And So They Were Married" the same, Helen, the men, really nice men, don't like it. Helen Well, you see, I don't like really nice men, so that makes it agreeable all around. Lucy If it were only art or music or something feminine, but that awful laboratory ! How can a lady poison poor, innocent little monkeys ? Helen If I were a lady I'd dine with monkeys. . . . Do you know what the word means, Lucy ? In Anglo-Saxon times "lady" meant "one who gives loaves"; now, one who takes a loaf. Lucy Very clever, my dear, but some day you'll be sorry. No man, Helen, likes a woman to have independent views. Jean Helen can afford to have independent views; she has an independent income — she earns it. i8 "And So They Were Married" Lucy Independent income! Her salary wouldn't pay for your hats. Jean All the same, I wish I had gone to college; I wish I had learned a profession. Lucy What have these New Women accomplished .? Just one thing: they are destroying chivalry ! Helen Not entirely, Lucy, not entirely. For instance, I am the best assistant Ernest Hamilton has, but the worst paid; the others are all men. Hurray for chivalry ! Lucy Well, I'm just an old-fashioned wife. Woman's sphere is the home. My husband says so. Helen But suppose you haven't any husband! What can a spinster do in the home ? Lucy Stay in it — till she gets one ! That's what the old-fashioned spinster used to do. 19 "And So They Were Married" Helen The old-fashioned spinster used to spin. Lucy At any rate, the old-fashioned spinster did not stay out of her home all night and get herself compromised, talked about, sent abroad! Or, if she did, she knew enough to remain abroad until the gossip blew over. [Lucy turns to leave. Helen [mischievously] Ah, that wonderful night ! [Lucy turns back, amazed.] The night we discovered the Hamilton antitoxin, the night that made the Baker Insti- tute famous ! And, just think,! had a hand in it, Lucy, a hand in the unwomanly work of saving children's lives ! But, of course, an old-fashioned spinster would have blushed and said: "Excuse me. Doctor Hamilton, but we must now let a year's work go to waste because you are a man and I am a woman, and it's dark outdoors!" . . . That's the way to preserve true chivalry. Lucy You think we can't see through all this .? Science — fiddlesticks ! The good-looking young 20 "And So They Were Married** scientist — that's why you couldn't stay abroad. We see it, John sees it, and now every one will see it. Then how will you feel .? Helen Ernest is rather good-looking, isn't he f Lucy Do you think your brother will let you marry a mere scientist! . . . Oh, well. Doctor Hamil- ton is in love with his work — fortunately. . . . Besides, he's a thoroughbred; he wouldn't even look at a girl who throws herself at his head. Helen So I needn't try any longer .? Too bad. Lucy [losing her temper and goin^ Oh, you New Women are quite superior, aren't you ? . . . Thank heavens, little Jean didn't elbow her way into men's affairs; she had no unwomanly ambitions for a career ! But she is engaged to Rex Baker ! Helen Jean, is this true .? 21 "And So They Were Married" Lucy [triumphantly] Marriage is woman's only true career. Helen Jean ! You can't, you won't, you mustn't marry Rex ! Lucy [flouncing out] "She who will not when she may," my dear ! Jean [avoiding Helen's eyes] Lucy hears John coming — he'd take her head off if she weren't there to meet him. [Helen only looks at her.] He bullies and brow- beats her worse than ever. I can't stand it here much longer. It's getting on my nerves. Helen Jean ! You care for Rex no more than I do. Jean [still evasive] John's bringing out Uncle Everett and Cousin Theodore. My dear, the whole family is up in the air about you. 22 "And So They Were Married" Helen Oh, I can take care of myself, but you ! . . . Jean, you're not the sort to marry Rex or any other man, unless you simply can't live without him. Jean [after a little pause] Well . . . how can I live without him — without some man ? You can support yourself. I can't. Helen But you wouldn't live on a man you didn't really love ! Jean Why not ? Lucy does; most wives live on men they don't really love. To stop doing so and get divorced is wrong, you know. Helen Jean, Jean, poor little Jean ! Jean Well, I'd rather have domestic unhappiness of my own than watch other people's all my life. 23 "And So They Were Married" Helen I don't like to hurt you, dear, but — [Takes Jean's face and raises it.] How about that nice boy at the Harvard Law School ? Jean Don't ! [Controls herself, then, in a low voice] Bob is still at the Law School, Helen. Helen Can't you wait, dear ? Jean He never asked me to, Helen. Helen He would, if you let him. Jean It wouldn't be fair. It takes so long to get started. Everything costs so much. Why, now- adays, men in the professions, unless they have private means, can't marry until nearly forty. When Bob is forty I'll be forty, Helen. Helen Ah, but when a girl really cares ! 24 "And So They Were Married" Jean Helen, do you know ? Helen Never mind about me — you ! Jean Oh, we'll get over it, I suppose. . . . People do! Some day, perhaps, he'll smile and say: "Just think, I once loved that fat old thing!" [Suddenly changes to sobbing.] Helen! when Rex caught me and kissed me I shut my eyes and tried to think it was Bob. Helen [takes Jean in her arms] You can't keep on thinking so, dear. Jean But that isn't the worst ! When he held me fast and I couldn't get away, I began ... to forget Bob ... to forget everything . . . [Breaks off, overcome with shame.] But not now, not now ! It's not the same thing at all. [Buries face in Helen's breast and sobs it out.] Oh, I feel like the devil, dear. . . . And all this time 25 "And So They Were Married" he doesn't really want me — he wants you, you ! I trapped him into it; I trapped him ! Helen And I know Rex — he's a good sport; he'll stick to it, if you do, dear — only you won't ! You've caught him by playing on his worst — don't hold him by playing on his best ! Jean But what shall I do ? I'm nearly twenty-six. I've got to escape from home in some way. Helen But what a way! [Rex returns. Rex Ready, Jean ? [To Helen.] Lucy and John and your Cousin Theodore are in there having a fine, old-fashioned family fight with the judge. Helen With Uncle Everett ? What about ? Rex They shut up when they saw me. All I heard 26 "And So They Were Married" was the parson — "Marriage is a social insti- tution." Grand old row, though. [J Butler and Footman appear^ wheeling a tea-wagon.] Looks as if they were coming out here. Helen Then I am going in. [Detaining Jean.] You will follow my advice ? Jean [apart to Helen] Oh, I don't know. Soon or late I must fol- low the only profession I have learned, [Jean leaves with Rex. Helen watches them, sighsy and goes in. The Servants arrange the tea-table and go into the house. Lucy comes out, followed by her husband, John, and the Judge, who is Uncle Ev- erett, and Cousin Theodore. John, the masterful type of successful Amer- ican business man; well set up, close- cropped mustache, inclined to baldness; keen eye, vibrant voice, quick movements, quick decisions, quick temper. Uncle Everett is a genial satirist with a 27 "And So They Were Married" cynical tolerance of the ways of the worldy which he understands^ laughs at, and rather likes. Cousin Theodore, a care-worn rector, who, though he buttons his collar behind, likes those who dont; a noble soul, self-sacri- ficing and sanctified, but he does not ob- trude his profession upon others — never talks shop unless asked to do so, and prides himself upon not being a bigot. They are continuing an earnest discussion^ with the intimate manner of friendly mem- bers of the same family. John, Lucy, and Theodore deeply concerned; Uncle Ev- erett detached and amused. Theodore But, Uncle Everett, hasn't Aunt Julia always been a good wife to you ? Judge Quite so, quite so, a good wife, Theodore, a good wife. Lucy And a devoted mother to your children, Uncle Everett ? 28 "And So They Were Married" Judge Devoted, Lucy, devoted. John She has always obeyed you, Uncle Everett. Judge Yes, John — a true, old-fashioned woman. Theodore She has been a great help to me in the parish work, Uncle Everett. Judge An earnest worker in the vineyard, Theo- dore — in fact, I might say, a model female. All Then why, why do you want a divorce ? Judge Because, damn it, I don't like her ! Lucy But think of poor Aunt Julia ! 29 "And So They Were Married" Judge But, damn it, she doesn't like me. Theodore [wagging head sadly] Ah, yes, I suppose there has been fault on both sides. Judge Not at all ! No fault on either side. . . . Both patterns of Christian fortitude to the end ! We still are. Just listen to this telegram. Lucy [puzzled] From Aunt Julia? Judge YeS from Aunt Julia in Reno, Not used to travelling without me; knew I'd worry. Thoughtful of her, wasn't it ? [Puts on glasses.] A night letter. Much cheaper; your Aunt Julia was always a frugal wife. Besides, she never could keep within ten words. [Reads.] "Arrived safely. Charming rooms with plenty of air and sunlight. Our case docketed for March 15th. Wish you were here to see the women in 30 3 _ J ^ • • u -J a "And So They Were Married" Divorcee Row — overdressed and underbred." Rather neat, eh ? "Overdressed and underbred." "I should love to hear your comments on the various types." Now, isn't that sweet of her ? Well, you know, I always could make her laugh — except when I made her cry. "Write soon. With love, Julia." Now {jolds telegram], isn't that a nice message .'' From a wife suing for divorce ? You happily married people couldn't beat that. [Pats telegram and pockets it tenderly. John [like a practical business man] But if there's no other woman, no other man — what's it all about ? Judge She likes her beefsteak well done; I like mine underdone. She likes one window open — about so much [indicates four inches]; I like all the win- dows open wide ! She likes to stay at home; I like to travel. She loves the opera and hates the theatre; I love the theatre and hate the opera, Theodore Stop ! aren't you willing to make a few little sacrifices for each other ? Haven't you char- acter enough for that ? 31 "And So They Were Married" Judge We've been making sacrifices for twenty-five years, a quarter of a century ! Character enough to last us now . . . Why, I remember the first dinner we had together after we were pro- nounced man and wife, with a full choral ser- vice and a great many expensive flowers — quite a smart wedding, Lucy, for those simple days. "Darling," I asked my blushing bride, "do you like tutti-frutti ice-cream?" "I adore it, dearest," she murmured. I hated it, but nobly sacrificed myself and gave her tutti- frutti and gained character every evening of our honeymoon ! Then when we got back and began our "new life" together in our "little home," my darling gave me tutti-frutti and in- digestion once a week until I nearly died ! Lucy But why didn't you tell her ? Judge I did; I did. Got chronic dyspepsia and struck ! " You may adore this stuflF, darling^'" I said, "but I hate it." "So do I, dearest," says she. "Then why in thunder have you had it all 32 "And So They Were Married" these years, sweetheart?''' "For your sake, be- loved!'' And that tells the whole story of our married life. We have nothing in common but a love of divorce and a mutual abhorrence of tutti-frutti. "Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one!" It has been the dream of our lives to get apart, and each has nobly refrained for the other's sake. And all in vain ! John Bah ! All a cloak to hide his real motive. And he knows it ! Judge [after a painful pause] I may as well confess. [Looks around to see if overheard. Whispers.] For over twenty years I — I have broken my marriage vow ! [Lucy drops her eyes. Theodore aghast. John wags head.] So has your Aunt Julia ! Theodore No ! not that ! Judge Well, we solemnly promised to love each other until death did us part. We have broken 33 "And So They Were Married" that sacred vow! I don't love her ; she doesn't love me — not in the least ! John Rot ! A matured, middle-aged man, a dis- tinguished member of the bar — break up his home for that? Damned rot! Judge Right again, John. That's not why I'm break- ing up my home. I prefer my club. What does the modern home amount to .^ Merely a place to leave your wife. Lucy Of course, it doesn't matter about the poor little wife left at home. Judge Wrong, Lucy, it does matter. That's why I stayed at home and was bored to death with her prattle about clothes and the opera, instead of dining at the club with my intellectual equals, picking up business there, getting rich like John, supplying her with more clothes and a whole hox at the opera, like yours, Lucy. 34 "And So They Were Married" Lucy [shoots a glance at her husband] Oh, that's the way you men always talk. It never occurs to you that business, business, business is just as much of a bore to us ! Judge Wrong again ! It did occur to me — hence the divorce ! She couldn't stand seeing me bored; I couldn't stand seeing her bored. Once we could deceive each other; but now — too well acquainted; our happy home — a hollow mockery ! Theodore You ought to be ashamed ! I love my home ! John So do I. [He glances sternly at Lucy. Lucy [nervously] So do I. Judge All right. Stick to it, if you love it. Only, don't claim credit for doing what you enjoy. 35 "And So They Were Married" I stuck to my home for a quarter of a century and disliked it the whole time. At last I'm free to say so. Just think of it, Lucy, free to utter those things about marriage we all know are true but don't dare say ! Free to be honest, John ! No longer a hypocrite, no longer a liar ! A soul set free, Theodore — two souls, in fact. '*Two souls with but a single thought " Theodore Stop ! You have children to consider, not merely your own selfish happiness ! Lucy Yes, think of Tom and little Julia ! Judge We did ... for a quarter of a century — sacrificed everything to them, even our self-re- spect; but now — what's the use ? We are child- less now. Tom and Julia have both left us for "little homes" of their own to love. Theodore Ah, but don't you want them to have the old home to come back to .? 36 "And So They Were Married" Judge "No place like home" for children, eh? You're right — can't have too much of it. Most children only have one home. Ours will have two ! When they get bored with one they can try the other. Theodore But, seriously, Uncle Everett — "Whom God hath joined together !" Lucy [clasping John's arm] Yes, Uncle Everett, marriages are made in heaven. Judge I see; quite so; but your Aunt Julia and I were joined together by a pink parasol made in Paris. John What rot ! Stop your fooHng and speak the truth, man. Judge Just what I'm doing — that's why you think I'm fooling. A very pretty parasol — but it wasn't made in heaven. You see, God made poor, 37 "And So They Were Married" dear Julia pale, but on that fatal day, twenty- five years ago, the pink parasol, not God, made her rosy and irresistible. I did the rest — with the aid of a clergyman, whom I tipped even more liberally than the waiter who served us tutti-frutti. Blame me for it, blame her, the parasol, the parson, but do not, my dear Theo- dore, blame the Deity for our own mistakes. It's so blasphemous. [A pause. Lucy takes place at the tea-table to serve tea. Lucy And to think we invited yow, of all people, here to-day of all days ! [To John.] We mustn't let Rex know. The Bakers don't believe in divorce. John What's this ^. You don't mean that Jean ? Lucy Yes ! Just in time — before he knew Helen was back. John [jumps up] She's landed him ! She's landed him ! We're marrying into the Baker family ! The Baker 38 "And So They Were Married" family ! [Shaking hands right and left.] Why, she'll have more money than any of us ! . . . Well, well ! We'll all have to stand around before little Jean now ! . . . My, my ! Lucy, you're a wonder! Those pearls — I'll buy them; they're yours ! Hurray for Lucy ! [Kisses Lucy. Lucy [feeling her importance] Now, if I could only get Helen out of this awful mess and safely married to some nice man ! Judge [sipping his tea] Meaning one having money? Theodore The Hamiltons are an older family than the Bakers, Lucy, older than our own. Judge Meaning they once had money. John [still pacing to and fro] Waste a beauty on a bacteriologist .? A crime ! 39 "And So They Were Married" Theodore See here, John, Ernest Hamilton is the biggest thing you've got in the Baker Institute ! One of the loveHest fellows in the world, too, and if you expect me — why did you ask us here, anyway ? Judge Far as I can make out, we're here to help one of John's sisters marry a man she doesn't love and prevent the other from marrying the man she does. John Oh, look here: I've nothing against young Hamilton. ... I like him — proud of all he's done for the institute. Why, Mr. Baker is tickled to death about the Hamilton antitoxin. But, Theodore, this is a practical world. Your scientific friend gets just two thousand dollars a year ! . . . Lucy, send for Helen. [Lucy goes obediently. Judge Well, why not give the young man a raise ^ John Oh, that's not a bad salary for scientists, college professors, and that sort of thing. Why, 40 "And So They Were Married" even the head of the institute himself gets less than the superintendent of my mills. No future in science. Judge Perfectly practical, Theodore. The superin- tendent of John's mills saves the company thou- sands of dollars. These bacteriologists merely save the nation thousands of babies. All our laws, written and unwritten, value private property above human life^I'm a distinguished jurist and I always render my decisions ac- cordingly. I'd be reversed by the United States Supreme Court if I didn't. We're all rewarded in inverse ratio to our usefulness to society, Theodore. That's why "practical men" think changes are "dangerous." John Muck-raker ! Judge It's all on a sliding scale, John. For keeping up the cost of living you and old man Baker get . . . [Stretches arms out full length.] Heaven only knows how much. For saving the Con- stitution I get ... a good deal. [Hands three 41 "And So They Were Married" feet apart.] For saving in wages and operating expenses your superintendent gets so much. [Hands two jeet apart.] For saving human Hfe Ernest Hamilton gets that. [Hands six inches apart.] For saving immortal souls Theodore gets — [Holds up two forefingers an inch apart.] Now, if any one came along and saved the world Theodore [interrupts] They crucified Him. John Muck-raker, muck-raker. Lucy [returning Tried my best, John, but Helen says she prefers to talk with you alone some time. John [furious] She "prefers"? See here! Am I master in my own house or not ^. Judge But Helen is a guest in it now. No longer 42 *'And So They Were Married" under your control, John. She's the New Woman. Theodore John, you can't stop that girl's marrying Ernest, if she wants to; he's head over heels in love with her. Lucy What ! We thought he was in love with his work ! Theodore He thinks there's no hope for him, poor boy. Lucy [to John] And she is mad about him ! John [to Lucy] And he is on the way out here now ! Theodore What ! He's coming to see her .? John No, no, thinks she's still in Paris — so she was when I invited him, damn it — but some- 43 "And So They Were Married" thing had to be done and done delicately. That's why I invited you two. Judge [bursts out laughing] Beautiful ! These lovers haven't met for a month, and to-night there's a moon ! Theodore [also laughs] You may as well give in, John. It's the sim- plest solution. Lucy [timidly] Yes, John, she's nearly thirty, and think how she treats all the nice men. John Who's doing this? You go tell Helen . . . that her Uncle Everett wants to see her ! [Lucy shrugs, starts reluctantly, and lingers listening. Theodore Now, uncle, you have more influence over her than any of us — don't let her know about . . . Aunt JuHa. Helen thinks the world of you. 44 "And So They Were Married" Judge Of course not, never let the rising generation suspect the truth about marriage — if you want 'em to marry. Theodore There are other truths than unpleasant truths, Uncle Everett, other marriages than un- happy marriages. Judge Want me to tell her the truth about your marriage ? Lucy [at the door] Why uncle ! Even you must admit that Theodore and Mary are happy. [John is too much surprised to notice Lucy's presence. Judge Happy ? What's that got to do with it .'' Mar- riage is a social institution. Theodore said so. . . . Every time a boy kisses a girl she should first inquire: "A sacrifice for society?" And if he says, "I want to gain character, sweet- 45 "And So They Were Married" heart," then — "Darling, do your duty!" and he'll do it. Lucy Well, Theodore has certainly done his duty by society — six children 1 Judge Then society hasn't done its duty by Theo- dore — only one salary ! John The more credit to him ! He and Mary have sacrificed everything to their children and the Church — even health ! Theodore We don't need your pity ! We don't want your praise ! Poverty, suffering, even separa- tion, have only drawn us closer together. We love each other through it all ! Why, in the last letter the doctor let her write she said, she said — [Suddenly overcome with emotion^ turns abruptly. \ If you'll excuse me, Lucy . . . Sani- tarium . . . the telephone. [Theodore goes into the house. 46 "And So They Were Married" Judge Not praise or pity but something more sub- stantial and, by George, I'll get it for them ! [Turns to John, zvho interrupts. John See the example he sets to society — I honor him for it. Judge Fine! but that doesn't seem to restore Mary's radiant health, Theodore's briUiant youth. Lucy Ah, but they have their children — think how they adore those beautiful children ! Judge No, don't think how they adore them, think how they rear those beautiful children — in the streets; one little daughter dead from conta- gion; one son going to the devil from other things picked up in the street ! If marriage is a social institution, look at it socially. Why, a marriage like mine is worth a dozen like theirs — to Society. Look at my well-launched chil- dren; look at my useful career, as a jackal to 47 "And So They Were Married" Rig Business; look at my now perfectly con- tented spouse! Lucy But if you are divorced! Judge Is the object of marriage merely to stay married ? Lucy But character, think of the character they have gained. Judge Oh, is it to gain character at the expense of helpless offspring? Society doesn't gain by that — it loses, Lucy, it loses. . . . But simply be- cause, God bless 'em, "they love each other through it all," you sentimental standpatters believe in lying about it, do you ? John [bored, whips out pocket check-book and fountain pen\ Oh, talk, talk, talk ! Money talks for me. . . . But they're both so confoundedly proud ! 48 "And So They We-re Married" Judge Go on, write that check ! [John writes.] They must sacrifice their pride, John. Nothing else left to sacrifice, I'm afraid. John Well, you get this to them somehow. [Hands check to Judge. Judge Aha ! Talk did it. . . . Five thousand ? Gen- erous John ! John [impatiently] Never mind about me. That problem is all settled; now about Helen. . . . Lucy ! I thought I told you [Lucy, in a guilty hurry, escapes into the house. Judge John, charity never settles problems; it per- petuates them. You can't cure social defects by individual treatment. John [more impatiently] Does talk settle anything ? 49 "And So They Were Married" Judge Everything. We may even settle the marriage problem if we talk ^onfj%. [Theodore returns from telephoning to the sanitarium.] Theodore, it's all right ! John honestly believes in setting an example to society ! Crazy to have his sisters go and do likewise ! Theodore Splendid, John ! I knew you'd see it — an ideal match. Judge {overriding John] Right, Theodore, ideal. This scientific suitor will shower everything upon her John honors and admires: A host of servants — I mean sac- rifices; carriages and motors — I mean charac- ter and morals; just what her brother advocates in Sunday-school — for others. An ideal mar- riage. John [hands in pockets] You think you're awfully funny, don't you ^. Humph ! I do more for the Church, for educa- tion, art, science than all the rest of the family SO "And So They Were Married" combined. Incidentally, I'm not divorced. . . . But this is a practical world, Theodore, I've got to protect my own. Lucy [returning] Helen will be here in a minute. John [suddenly getting an idea] Ah ! I have it ! I know how to keep them apart ! Theodore Be careful, John — these two love each other. Judge Yes, young people still fall in love. Whether we make it hard or easy for them — they will do it. But, mark my words, unless we reform marriagey there is going to be a sympathetic strike against it — as there is already against having children. Instead of making it harder to get apart, we've got to make it easier to stay together. Otherwise the ancient bluff will soon be called ! Lucy Sssh ! Here she comes. 51 "And So They Were Married" Theodore Please don't talk this way before her. Judge All right, I'm not divorced yet, . . . still in the conspiracy of silence. [Helen appears at the door. A sudden silence. Helen \kissing Theodore and Judge affectionately] I'm so sorry to hear about dear Mary. [To Judge.] But why didn't Aunt Julia come .^ Is she ill, too } [Slight panic in the family party. Judge She's gone to Re-Re-Rio Janeiro — I mean to Santa Barbara — wants a complete change — The Rest Cure. [To Theodore apart.] Lie number one. [Another silence. Lucy makes tea for Helen. Helen [taking the cup] Well, go on ! Theodore Go on with what } 52 "And So They Were Married" Helen [stirring tea] Your discussion of marriage. Lucy How did you know ? Helen Oh, it's in the air. Everybody's talking about it nowadays. [She sips tea, and the others look conscious. Theodore My dear, marriage is woman's only true career. Helen [raising her shield of flippancy] So Lucy tells me, Cousin Theodore. But a woman cannot pursue her career, she must be pursued by it; otherwise she is unwomanly. Judge Ahem. As we passed through the library a while ago, I think I saw your little sister being pursued by her career. Helen Yes, uncle, but Jean is a true woman. I'm only a New Woman. 53 "And So They Were Married" Judge All the same, you'll be an old woman some day — if you don't watch out. Helen / Ah, yes, my life's a failure. I haven't trapped a man into a contract to support me. Lucy [picks up knitting bag and does her best to look like just an old-fashioned wife^'] You ought to be ashamed ! Making marriage so mercenary. Helen, dear, haven't you New Women any sentiment } Helen Enough sentiment not to make a mercenary marriage, Lucy, dear. Judge Ahem ! And what kind of a marriage do you expect to make? Helen Not any, thank you, uncle. Judge What ! You don't believe in holy matrimony ? 54 "And So They Were Married" Helen Only as a last extremity, uncle, like unholy divorce. Judge [jumps] What do you know about that ? Helen I know all about it ! [Others jump.] I have been reading up on the subject. [All relax, relieved, but now gather about the young woman. Theodore Come now, simply because many young people rush into marriage with- out thinking — Lucy Simply because these New Women — John Simply because one marriage in a thousand ends in divorce — 55 [To- gether] "And So They Were Married" Helen Wait ! . . . One in a thousand ? Dear me, what an idealist you are, John ! In America, one marriage in every eleven now ends in divorce. And yet you wonder why I hesitate. John One in eleven — rot! [To Judge.] All this muck-raking should be suppressed by the Gov- ernment. "One in eleven !" Bah ! Helen [demurely] The Government's own statistics, John. [They all turn to the Judge /or denial^ but he 7iods confirmation, with a complacent smile, murmuring: " Two souls with but a single thought." Lucy [sweetly knitting] Well, I may be old-fashioned, but it seems to me that nice girls shouldn't think of such things. . . . Their husbands will tell them all they ought to know about marriage — after they're married. 56 "And So They Were Married" Helen Ah, I see. Nice girls mustn't think until after they rush in, but they mustn't rush in until after they think. You married people make it all so simple for us. Judge !R.ight ! The way to cure all evil is for nice people to close their minds and mouths to it. It's "unpleasant" for a pure mind, and it "leaves a bad taste in the mouth." So there you are, my dear. John [coming in strong] Oh, talk, talk, talk ! I've had enough. See here, young lady, I offered to pay all your ex- penses abroad for a year. You didn't seem to appreciate it — well, the trustees of the insti- tute are now to give Doctor Hamilton a year abroad. How do you like that ? [All turn and look at Helen. Helen Splendid ! Just what he needs 1 Doctor Metch- nikofF told me in Paris that America always S7 "And So They Were Married" kills its big men with routine. When do we start ? [She tries to look very businesslike. John [springing to his feet] "We !" Do you think you are going ? Helen Of course ! I'm his assistant — quite indis- pensable to him . . . [To all.] Oh, well, if you don't believe me, ask him ! John [pacing to and fro] What next ! Paris ! Alone, with a man ! — Here's where I call a halt ! Helen But if my work calls me, I don't really see what you have to say about it, John. John Better not defy me, Helen. [He scowls. Helen Better not bully me, John. [She smiles. 58 "And So They Were Married" John I am your brother. Helen But not my owner ! [TheUy instead of defiance^ she turns with animated interest to the others.] You know, all women used to be owned by men. Formerly they ruled us by physical force — now by financial force. . . . But at last they are to lose even that hold upon us — poor dears ! {Pats John's shoulder playjully. John [amusedy but serious] That's all right in theory, but this is a prac- tical world. My pull got you into the institute; my pull can get you out. You give up this wild idea or give up your job ! Helen [delighted] What did I tell you } Financial force ! They still try it, you see. [To John.] What if I re- fused to give up either, John? 59 "And So They Were Married" John [emphatic] Then as a trustee of the institute I ask for your resignation — right here and now ! [Tunis away.] I guess that will hold her at home a while. Helen I simply must go to Paris now. I've nothing else to do ! John [with a confident smile] You will, eh ? Who'll pay your expenses this time } Helen [matter of fact] Doctor Hamilton. Lucy Helen ! please ! You oughtn't to say such things even in joke. Helen He'll take me along as his private secretary, if I ask him. [J pause. The others look at one another helplessly. 60 "And So They Were Married" Judge John, she's got you. You might as well quit. John Nonsense. I have just begun. You'll see. Theodore If you're so independent, my dear, why don't you marry your scientist and be done with it ? Helen [resents the intrusion but hides her feelings] Can you keep a secret ? [They all seem to think they can and gather near.] He has never asked me ! [The family seems annoyed. Lucy [with match-making ardor] No wonder, dear, he has never seen you except in that awful apron. But those stunning dinner gowns John bought you in Paris ! My dear, in evening dress you are quite irresistible ! Judge [apart to Theodore] Irresistible ^. Pink parasols. What a system I 6i "And So TheyWere Married" Helen But you see, I don't want him to ask me. IVe had all I could do to keep him from it. [The family seems perplexed. John She's got some sense left. Lucy But suppose he did ask you, dear .? Helen Why, I'd simply refer the matter to John, of course. If John said, "Love him," I'd love him; if John said, "Don't love him," I'd turn it off like electric light. [The family is becoming exasperated. Lucy [insinuating Oh, you can't deceive us. We know how much you admire him, Helen. Helen Oh, no you don't ! [The family is amazed.] Not even he does. Did you ever hear how he 62 "And So They Were Married" risked his life in battle down in Cuba ? Why, he's a perfect hero of romance ! John [mutters] Never even saw a war — mollycoddle germ killer! Helen Not in the war with Spain — the war against yellow fever, John. . . . No drums to make him brave, no correspondents to make him famous — he merely rolled up his sleeve and let an innocent-looking mosquito bite him. Then took notes on his symptoms till he became de- Hrious. . . . He happened to be among those who recovered. [The family is impressed. Theodore Old-fashioned maidens used to marry their heroes, Helen. Helen [arisingy briskly] But this new-fashioned hero gets only two thousand dollars a year, Theodore. [She turns to escape. 63 *'And So They Were Married" John [nodding] I told you she had sense. Theodore Helen ! You selfish, too ? Why, Mary and I married on half that, didn't we, John ? [He looks around. The family looks away. Helen [with unintended emphasis] Doctor Hamilton needs every cent of that enormous salary — books, travel, scientific con- ferences — all the advantages he simply must have if he's to keep at the top and do his best work for the world. The most selfish thing a girl can do is to marry a poor man. [With that she hurries up the steps. Theodore [following her] All the same, deep down under it all, she has a true woman's yearning for a home to care for and a mate to love. [She is silently crying.] Why, Helen, dear, what's the matter .? 64 "And So They Were Married" Helen [hiding her emotion] Oh, why can't they let me alone ! They make what ought to be the holiest and most beautiful thing in life the most horrible and dishonest. They make me hate marriage — hate it ! [Unseen by Helen, the Butler steps out. Theodore [patting her shoulder] Just you wait till the right one comes along. Butler [to Lucy] Doctor Hamilton has come, ma'am. Helen [with an old-fashioned gasp] Good heavens ! [And runs to the family. Lucy Show Doctor Hamilton out. [The Butler goes. Helen A plot to entrap him ! [Running to and fro 65 "And So They Were Married" wildly.] But it's no use ! I'm going . . . until he's gone ! [Helen runs into the garden. Judge Fighting hard, poor child. Theodore But what'll we do ? Judge Don't worry — she can't stay away — the sweet thing ! John Now listen, we must all jolly him up — he'll be shy in these surroundings. Judge Going to surrender, John ? John What I am going to do requires finesse. Lucy [in a flutter^ seeing Hamilton approach] Oh, dear ! how does one talk to highbrows .? 66 "And So They Were Married" Judge Talk to him about himself! Highbrows, low- brows, all men love it. [Ernest Hamilton, discoverer of the Ham- ilton antitoxiriy is a fine-looking fellow of about thirty-fivey without the spectacles or absent-mindedness somehow expected of scientific genius. He talks little but very rapidly and sees everything. It does not occur to him to be shy or embarrassed "in these surroundings'' — not because he is habituated to so much luxury^ on three thousand a year, nor because he despises it; he likes it; but he likes other things even more. That is why he works for two thou- sand a year, instead of working for faty fashionable fees in private practice. John meets his distinguished guest at the door — effusively y yet with that smiling condescension which wealthy trustees some- times show to " scientist Sy college professorSy and that sort of thing.'' John Ah, Doctor Hamilton ! Delighted to see you on my little farm at last. Out here I'm just a plain, old-fashioned farmer. 67 "And So They Were Married" [Ernest glances about at the magnificence and smiles imperceptibly. He makes no audible replies to the glad zuelcome, but bows urbanely^ master of himself and the situation. Lucy Doctor Hamilton ! So good of you to come. Theodore How are you, Ernest ? Glad to see you. Lucy I don't think you've met our uncle, Judge Grey. Judge [humorously adopting their manner] Charmed ! I've heard so much about you ! — from my niece. Lucy [to Ernest's rescue ^ like a tactful hostess] A cup of tea. Doctor Hamilton ? Ernest [unperturbed by the reference to Helen] Thanks. 68 "And So They Were Married" John [while Lucy makes tea. Trustee manner] I have often desired to express my admiration of your heroism in the war against yellow fever in er — ah - — Cuba, when you let an innocent- looking mosquito bite you Lucy [nodding and poising sugar-tongs] And then took notes on your symptoms till you became dehrious ! Ernest No sugar, thanks. [He looks from one to another with consider- able interest. Judge No drums to make you famous, no war cor- respondents to make you brave — I mean the other way round. Ernest [to Lucy poising cream pitcher] No cream, please. John Senator Root says this one triumph alone 69 "And So They Were Married" saves twenty million dollars a year to the busi- ness interests of the United States! I call that true patriotism. Ernest [with a nod oj assent to Lucy] Lemon. Theodore \wiih sincerity] General Wood says it saves more human lives a year than were lost in the whole Spanish War ! I call it service. Judge Colonel Goethals says the Panama Canal could not have been built if it hadn't been for you self-sacrificing scientists. Not only that, but you have abolished forever from the United States a scourge which for more than a cen- tury had through periodic outbreaks spread ter- ror, devastation, and death. [J pause. Ernest [boredy but trying to hide it] The ones who deserve your praise are the four who died to prove that theory. . . . [He smiles.] Of course, you all know their names. . . . [He 70 "And So They Were Married" looks at John, who looks at Judge, who looks at Lucy, who looks at Theodore. He takes up his cup.] Delicious tea. Theodore Ah, but they didn't do it for fame, for money — that's the beauty of the sacrifice. Ernest [with a smile] Quite so. . . . That's what Congress told us when we suggested a pension for the widow of the first victim. All What ! Did Congress refuse the pension ? Ernest [finishes his tea] They finally voted the sum of seventeen dollars a month for the widow and no less than two dollars a month extra for each of his chil- dren. . . . Lucy Is that all.? 71 "And So They Were Married" Ernest No. . . . We pestered Congress to death until, a few years ago, they replaced the pension with an annuity of one hundred and twenty-five dol- lars a month — though some of them said it was a very bad precedent to establish. [Returns cup to Lucy.] No more, thanks, deUcious. [And turns to admire the wide-sweeping view of the farm, hands ifi pockets. John [after a pause] Well, I think our scientists might well be called philanthropists. Ernest Hardly ! You see, every one knows the names of philanthropists. . . . Better let it go at "scien- tists. Judge He's right. Philanthropists don't give their lives, they give their names — have 'em carved in stone over their institutes and libraries. [ John approaches and joins his guest. Ernest Charming little farm you have here. 72 "And So They Were Married" John Doctor Hamilton, America kills its big men with routine. You are too valuable to the nation to lose — the trustees think you need a year abroad. Ernest That's strange, I came out here to suggest that very thing. . , . Somebody has been saying kind things about me in Paris. Just had a let- ter from the great Metchnikoff — wants me to come over and work in the Pasteur ! Chance of a lifetime ! . . . You didn't have to jolly me up to consent to that ! John [pacing terrace with his guest, arm in arm] By the by, my sister is rather keen on science. Ernest Best assistant I ever had. You can pile an awful lot of routine on a woman. The female of the species is more faithful than the male. . . . She's over there already. We can get right to work. John She'll be back before you start. 73 *'And So TheyWereMarried" Ernest [stops short] I didn't know that. . . . Well, what is it ? [John hesitates^ turns to the familyy all watching with breathless interest. Theodore Don't you see, old chap, under the circum- stances it would hardly do for her to go back to Paris with you. Ernest Why not ? Lucy You're a man. Ernest [smiling\ You mean I'm dangerous ? Lucy But she's a woman. Judge They mean she^s dangerous. 74 "And So They Were Married" John My dear fellow, we are going to ask you quite frankly to decline to take her. Ernest [looks about at the circle of anxious faces. He wont let them read him] So that's it, eh ? . . . But it's the chance of a lifetime for her, too. She needs it more than I do. She's had so little chance to do original work. John But she's a woman. Ernest Just what has that to do with it ? John Everything. We have the highest respect for you, Doctor Hamilton, but also . . . one must respect the opinions of the world, you know. Ernest [thinks it over] That's right. One must. I forgot to think of that. . . . It's curious, but when working with 75 "And So They Were Married" women of ability one learns to respect them so much that one quite loses the habit of insulting them. Too bad how new conditions spoil fine old customs. . . . Suppose you let her go and let me stay. I can find plenty to do here, I fancy. John I fear it would offend our generous benefactor, Mr. Baker. He has set his heart on your going abroad, meeting other big men, getting new ideas for our great humanitarian work. [The family exchange glances while John lies on.] Be- sides, my sister would only go to accommodate you. She particularly desires to stay here this winter. That's why she is returning so soon, you see. Ernest [believes it] Oh, I see. . . . I'm sure I have no desire to drag her over with me. . . . [Smiles at himself.] I rather thought the opportunity to continue our experiments together . . . but that's all right. John Then it's all settled — you agree to go alone ^. 76 "And So They Were Married" Ernest [a slight pause] Yes, alone. It's quite settled. John How soon could you start ? Ernest [absently] How soon ? Why, just as soon as I get some one to run my department. John Could my sister run it ? Ernest [smiles] Could she run it ? It can't run without her! She's as systematic as [to Lucy] — as a good housekeeper. John [with a satisfied look at the others] Then that's all fixed ! She'll stay when I tell her that you want her to. Could you arrange to start at once ,' 77 "And So They Were Married" Ernest [hesitates] By leaving here to-night, I could. John [zvith a triumphant look at the family] Then I'll telephone for your passage — I have a pull with all the steamship lines. [Going.] Of course I hate to cut short your week-end, but I don't want to spoil any scientific careers. [John hurries in to telephone. Ernest starts toOy as if to stop him but restrains the im- pulse. He stands alone by the door gazing out over the landscape while Lucy, Theo- dore, and the Judge discuss him in low tones by the tea-table. Lucy Can't you see, you stupid men ! He's crazy about her — but thinks there's no hope. Theodore When she finds he's leaving for a year . . . she'll change her mind about marriage ! [Ernest comes back to earth and to the house^ party. 78 "And So They Were Married" Judge [to Ernest, joining them] Ahem ! We were just discussing the marriage danger — I mean the marriage problem, Ernest [with a smile] Go right on — don't mind me. Theodore [old-friend manner] See here ! When are you ever going to marry ? Ernest [modern bachelor s laugh] When am I ever going to get more than two thousand a year ? Theodore Bah ! what has money got to do with it ! Just you wait till the right one comes along. [Helen comes along, stealing up the steps from the garden on tiptoe with the grave, absorbed look of a hunter stalking game. She catches sight of the man she wants and stops short, as motionless as if frozen. But not so ! Her lovely hands were poised; 79 "And So They Were Married" one of them now goes to her bosom and presses there. There is nothing icy about this New Woman now. Ernest [as unconscious of danger as a mountain-lion on an inaccessible height, smiles easily at his sentimental old friend Theodore] How do you know "the right one" hasn't come already ? [Theodore catches sight of Helen. She shakes her head in silent pleading, taps a finger on her lips, and in a panic flees noiselessly across toward the door. Theodore [suppressing a laugh] Then don't let her go by ! [Helen stops at the door and makes a face at Theodore. Ernest [affecti^ig indifference] Oh, I couldn't stop her, even if I wanted to. Theodore [turning to wink at Helen] How do you know ? Did you ever ask her 1 80 "And So They Were Married" Ernest To marry me ? Oh, no ! She hasn't any money. Theodore [Helen is dumfounded] Money ! You wouldn't marry for money ! [Helen draws near to hear the answer, Ernest You don't suppose I'd marry a woman who hadn't any? Most selfish thing a poor man can do. [Helen is interested. Theodore Oh, fiddlesticks ! You modern young people — Ernest [interrupts] Make her a sort of superior servant in an in- ferior home — not that girl ! [Helen is pleased. Theodore Feministic nonsense ! The old-fashioned wo- manly woman 8i "And So They Were Married" Ernest Sentimental twaddle ! What makes it more "womanly" to do menial work for men than intellectual work with them ? [Helen delighted, applauds noiselessly. Theodore All the same, I'll bet you wouldn't let a Httle thing like that stand in your way if you really cared for a woman enough to marry her. Ernest [benign and secure] But, as it happens, I don't. Nothing could induce me to marry. [Helen raises her chin, her eyes glitter dan- gerously. Theodore So you are going to run away to Europe like a coward } Ernest [smiles patronizingly] Theodore, you are such an incorrigible ideal- ist ! I have nothing to be afraid of — I simply do not care to marry ! 82 "And So They Were Married" Helen That's just what / said ! [Jll turn and behold Helen. Ernest My heavens ! [He steps hack like a coward. Helen But I agree with you perfectly. [She holds out her hand to him.] I was so afraid you beheved in marriage. [He rushes to her eagerly. Judge [as the lovers shake hands] You wronged him. Apologize, Ernest Why — why — all this time, I thought you had the usual attitude. Judge Wronged her. Both apologize. Helen Why didn't you ever tell me you had such enlightened views .? 83 "And So They Were Married" Ernest Why didn't you ever tell me ? Judge Each understands the other now. Everything lovely ! Helen Think of the discussions we might have had ! Judge Not too late yet. Julia and I had discussions for a quarter of a century. Helen Don't think I had any hand in this. [Laughs.] I was going to warn you, but now — it is un- necessary now. Ernest Warn me ? What do you mean f Helen Can't you see ? It was all a plot ! [Lucy draws near noiselessly.] A plot to entrap you in mar- riage ! They had about given me up as a bad 84 *'And So They Were Married" job. You were my last hope. They were going to throw me at your head. [Louder but without turning.] Weren't you, Lucy dear .? Lucy [caught listening, turns abruptly to the others] These New Women are utterly shameless. Helen [to Ernest] These old-fashioned women are utterly shame- less. After a decent interval, they will all with one accord make excuses to leave us here alone, so that I can — [she comes nearer] ensnare you ! [Ernest laughs nervously.] Lucy is going to say — [imitates Lucy's sweet tones]: "If 3^ou'll ex- cuse me, I always take forty winks before dress- ing." Dressing is the hardest work Lucy has to do. Cousin Theodore will find that he must write to his wife, and Uncle Everett will feel a yearning for the billiard room. [Ernest is nod- ding and chuckling.] They're hanging on longer than usual to-day, and I simply must have a talk with you. Ernest Our shop-talk would scandalize 'em ! 85 "And So They Were Married" Helen Wait, I'll get rid of them ! [She sits and begins to make tea. Ernest I've had my tea, thanks. Helen Stupid ! Sit down. [Indicates a chair close to hers. He takes it cautiously.] We'll have a little fun with them in a minute. [She is busy now making tea. Theodore [to Lucy and the Judge apart] You may be right, Uncle Everett, but upon my word it is the strangest courtship I ever witnessed. Lucy They ought to be spanked. Judge Don't worry, old Mother Nature will attend to that. Lucy Well, I may be old-fashioned, but 86 "And So They Were Married" Judge [interrupting] But this is merely a new fashion, my dear Lucy. Nature her ancient custom holds, let science say what it will. Helen [handing cup to Ernest zvith a glance at the others] Now, then, be attentive to me. [He leans to- ward her rather shyly, abashed by her nearness. She makes eyes at him reproachfully.] Oh, can't you be more attentive than that? [She acts like a coquette and he looks into her beautiful eyes and while he is doing so she says with a fascinating drawl] Now tell me a-all about anterior polio- myelitis ! Ernest [suddenly taken aback, he laughs] Nothing doing since you left. [And bends close to explain. Lucy If you'll excuse me, Doctor Hamilton, I 87 "And So They Were Married" always take forty winks before dressing. We dine at eight. [Going, she signals to the others. Ernest and Helen exchange smiles. Theodore [laughing, to Lucy] Ss't ! Don't tell John what's going on ! Keep him busy telephoning. [Lucy nods excitedly and almost runs to obey the Church.] Helen, if you and Ernest will excuse me, I really must write to Mary. [Their shoulders are close together and they seem too absorbed to reply. Theodore smiles down upon them and signals the Judge to come along. The Judge, how- ever, shakes his head but waves Theo- dore into the house. Uncle Everett looks at the lovers with quizzical interest. He draws near and eavesdrops shamelessly. Helen You oughtn't to have dropped the polio ex- periments. Ernest You oughtn't to have dropped me — right in the midst of the experiments. Those agar 88 "And So They Were Married" plates you were incubating dried up and spoiled. You played the very devil with my data. Judge God bless my soul ! what are we coming to .? Helen [without turning] It's perfectly proper for your little ears, uncle, only you can't understand a word of it. Won't a7iy one play billiards with you I Judge But I'm fascinated. It's so idyllic. Makes me feel young again. Helen [to Ernest] Oh, you have plenty of men assistants who can estimate antitoxin units. Ernest Men assistants lose interest. They are all so confoundedly ambitious to do original work. Why is it women can stand day after day of mo- notonous detail better than men ? 89 "And So They Were Married" Helen Because men always made them tend the home ! Judge Ah, nothing Hke a good old-fashioned love scene — in the scientific spirit. Helen Uncle, dear ! Cant you see that he is paying me wonderful compliments ? Haven't you any tact ? Go and play Canfield in the Hbrary. Judge [lighting cigar] Very well, I'll leave you to your own devices — and may God, your God, have mercy on your scientific souls. Helen [with sudden animation and camaraderie, think- ing they are alone] Now I must tell you what Doctor Metchni- kofF said about you and your future ! Judge Sst ! [Helen and Ernest turn.] My children 90 "And So They Were Married" — [Pause — raises his hand.] Don't forget the scientific spirit ! [The Judge saunters of into the garden, smoking. Ernest How did you ever meet MetchnikofF ? Helen [chafing] I had worked under Hamilton ! They all wanted to meet me. Ernest [with an unmistakable look] U'm . . . was that why? [Fleeing danger.] Didn't you let them know your part in that discovery ? Why, if it hadn't been for you, I should never have stumbled upon the thing at all. Helen Oh, I know my place too well for that ! Talk about artistic temperament, you scientists are worse than prima donnas. Ernest [takes printers' proofs out of pocket, hands them to her in silence] Some proofs of a monograph I was correcting 91 "And So They Were Married" on the train. Mind hammering those loose sen- tences of mine into decent English ? You can write — I can't. Helen [reading innocently] "Recent Experiments in Anterior Poliomye- litis by Ernest Hamilton, M.D., Ph.D., and Helen" — what ! why, you've put my name with yours ! [Much excited and delighted. Ernest Well, if you object — Hke a prima donna [Takes out pencil to mark on proof. Helen [snatching proofs away] Object } Why, this makes my reputation in the scientific world. Ernest Well, didn't you make mine ? Helen [still glowing with pride, hut touched by his unex- pected generosity] You can't imagine what this means to me. It's so hard for a woman to get any recognition. 92 "And So They Were Married'* Most men have but one use for us. If we get interested in anything but them it is "un- womanly" — they call it "a fad." But they've got to take me seriously now. My name with Ernest Hamilton's ! {Points to her name and swaggers back and forth. Ernest [hantering[ But then, you see, you are a very exceptional woman. Why, you have a mind like a man. Helen Like a man ? [Coming close to him, tempting him.] If you had a mind like a woman you would know better than to say that to me ! [Re-enter ]\jdge from garden. He smiles and, glances at them. The lovers keep quiet as he crosses to the door. Then they look at each other and smile. Judge has gone into the house. It is nearly dark. The moon is rising. Ernest [raises eyebrows] They all take for granted that I want to make love to you. [Smiles but avoids her eyes. 93 "And So They Were Married" Helen [avoids his] Well, you took for granted that I wanted you to ! . . . You are about the most conceited man I ever knew. Ernest How can I help it when you admire me so? Helen I ? Admire you ? Ernest You're always telling me what great things I'm going to do — stimulating me, pushing me along. Why, after you left, everything went slump. Tell me, why did you leave ? Was I rude to you .? Did I hurt your feelings ? Helen Not in the least. It was entirely out of respect for your feelings. Ernest My feelings .? [Laughing.] Oh, I see. You got it into your head that / wanted to marry yoti ! 94 "And So They Were Married" Helen Men sometimes do. Ernest [looks away] I suppose they do. Helen It's been known to happen. Ernest Talk about conceit ! Well, you needn't be afraid ! I'll never ask you to marry me. Helen [turns and looks at him a moment] You can't imagine what a weight this takes off my mind. [She looks away and sighs. Ernest [enthusiastically] Yes ! I feel as if a veil between us had been Hfted. [He looks away and sighs too. Some one he- gins Tristan and Isolde'' on the piano within. The moon is up. 95 "And So They Were Married" Helen [after a pause] Suppose we talk about — our work. Ernest Yes ! Our work. Let's drop the other subject. Look at the moon ! [Music and the moonlight flooding them. Helen Seriously, you promise never to mention the subject again ? [She keeps her eyes averted. Ernest I promise. [He keeps his eyes averted. Helen [turning to him with a sudden change to girlish enthusiasm] Then I'll go to Paris with you 1 Ernest [recoils] What's that ? Helen Why, Doctor MetchnikofF — he promised me he would invite you. 96 "And So They Were Married" Ernest Yes, but — Helen Don't miss the chance of a Hfetime ! Ernest No, but you — you can't come ! Helen [simplyl If you need me I can, and you just said Ernest But you mustn't come to Paris with me ! Helen Don't you want me with you ? Ernest You are to stay at home and run the depart- ment for me. Helen [stepping back] Don't you want me with you ? 97 "And So They Were Married" Ernest [stepping forwardy with his heart in voice] Do I zvant you ! [Stops.] But I am a man — you are a woman. Helen What of it ? Are you one of those small men who care what people say ? No ! That's not your reason ! [She sees that it is not.] What is it ? You must tell me. Ernest [hesitates] It's only for your sake. Helen [with feeling] Think of all I've done for your sake. You wouldn't be going yourself but for me ! I was the one to see you needed it, I proposed it to MetchnikofF — I urged him — made him ask you — for your sake! And now am I to be left at home like a child because you don't care to be embarrassed with me.? Ernest Oh, please ! This is so unfair. But I simply can't take you now. 98 **And So They Were Married" Helen [with growing scorn] Oh ! You are all alike. You pile work upon me until I nearly drop, you play upon my inter- est, my sympathy — you get all you can out of me — my youth, my strength, my best ! And then, just as I, too, have a chance to arrive In my profession, you, of all men, throw me over ! I hate men. I hate you ! Ernest And I love you ! [ They stare at each other in silence, the moon-' light flooding Helen's face, the music coming clear. Helen [in an awed whisper, stepping hack slowly] I've done it ! I've done it ! I knew I'd do it ! Ernest No. I did it. Forgive me. I had to do it. Helen Oh, and this spoils everything ! 99 "And So They Were Married" Ernest [comes closer] No ! It glorifies everything ! [He breaks loose.] I have loved you from the first day you came and looked up at me for orders. I didn't want you there; I didn't want any woman there. I tried to tire you out with overwork but couldn't. I tried to drive you out by rudeness, but you stayed. And that made me love you more. Oh, I love you ! I love you ! I love you ! Helen Don't; oh, don't love me ! Ernest [still closer] Why, I never knew there could be women like you. I thought women were merely some- thing to be wanted and worshipped, petted and patronized. But now — why, I love every- thing about you: your wonderful, brave eyes that face the naked facts of life and are not ashamed; those beautiful hands that toiled so long, so well, so close to mine and not afraid, not afraid ! Helen You mustn't ! I am afraid now ! I made you lOO "And So They Were Married" say it. [Smiling and crying.] I have always wanted to make you say it. I have always sworn you shouldn't. Ernest [pained] Because you cannot care enough ? Helen Enough ? . . . Too much. Ernest [overwhelmed] You — love — me! [He takes her in his arms, a silent embrace with only the bland blase moon looking on. Helen It is because I love you that I didn't want you to say it — only I did. It is because I love you that I went abroad — to stay, only I couldn't ! I couldn't stay away ! [She holds his face in her hands.] Oh, do you know how I love you ^. No ! . . . you're only a man ! Ernest [kissing her rapturously] Every day there in the laboratory, when you lOI "And So They Were Married" in your apron — that dear apron which I stole from your locker when you left me — when you asked for orders — did you know that I wanted to say: "Love me" ! Every day when you took up your work, did you never guess that I wanted to take you up in my arms ? Helen [smiling up into his face] Why didn't you ? Ernest Thank God I didn't! For while we worked there together I came to know you as few men ever know the women they desire. Woman can be more than sex, as man is more than sex. And all this makes man and woman not less but more overwhelmingly desirable and neces- sary to each other, and makes both things last — not for a few years, but forever ! [Sound of voices approaching from the gar- den. The lovers separate. It is Jean and Rex, Rex laughing., Jean dodging until caught and kissed. Jean No, no — it's time to dress. ... Be good. Rex — don't ! 1 02 "And So They Were Married" [Without seeing Helen and Ernest, they disappear into the house. Helen is sud- denly changed^ as if awakened from a spell of enchantment. Helen What have we done ! This is all moonlight and madness. To-morrow comes the clear light of day. Ernest Ah, but we'll love each other to-morrow ! Helen But we cannot marry — then or any other to-morrow. Ernest Can*t } What nonsense ! Helen [shaking her head and restraining him] I have slaved for you all these months — not because I wanted to win you from your work but to help you in it. And now — after all — shall I destroy you ? No ! No 1 103 "And So They Were Married" Ernest I love you — you love me — nothing else matters. Helen Everything else matters. I'm not a little debutante to be persuaded that I am needed because I am wanted ! I haven't played with you; I have worked with you, and I know! Think of Theodore ! Think of Lucy ! And now poor little Jean. Marry you .? Never ! Ernest You mean your career } Helen {with supreme scorn] My career? No ! yours — always yours ! Ernest [with the same scorn and a snap of the fingers] Then that for my career. I'll go back into pri- vate practice and make a million. Helen That's just what I said you'd do. Just what you must not do ! Your work is needed by the world. 104 "And So They Were Married" Ernest [wooing] You are my world and I need you. . . . But there is no love without marriage, no marriage without money. . . . We can take it or leave it. Can we leave it .? No ! I can't — you can't ! Come ! [She steps back slowly.] Why should we sacrifice the best ! Come 1 Helen So this is what marriage means ! Then I cannot marry you, Ernest ! Ernest You cannot do without me, Helen ! [Holds out his arms.] Come ! You have been in my arms once. You and I can never forget that now. We can never go back now. It's all — or nothing now. Come ! [She is struggling against her pas- sion. He stands stilly with arms held out.] I shall not woo you against your will, but you are com- ing to me ! Because, by all the powers of earth and heaven, you are mine and I am yours ! Come ! [Like a homing pigeon she darts into his arms with a gasp of joy. A rapturous embrace in 105 "And So They Were Married" silence with the moonlight streaming down upon them. The music has stopped. John, dressed for dinner, strolls out upon the terrace. He stops abruptly upon dis- covering them. The lovers are too absorbed to he aware of his presence. io6 Act II Act II // is the next morning, Sunday. It appears that at John's country place they have breakfast at small tables out upon the broad, shaded terrace overlooki^ig the glorious view of his little farm. Ernest ajid Theodore, the scientist and the clergyman, are breakfasting together. The oth- ers are either breakfasting in their rooms or are not yet down, it being Sunday. The man of God is enjoying his material bless- ings heartily. Also he seems to be enjoying his view of the man of science, who eats little and says less. Theodore [with coffee-cup poised] WHAT'S the matter with your appe- tite this morning, Ernest ? [Ernest, gazing up at one of the second-story windows, does not hear. The door opens. He starts. Then, seeing it's only a servant with food, he 109 "And So They Were Married" sighs.] Expecting something ? The codfish balls ? Well, here they are. [Ernest refuses the prof- fered codfish balls, scowls, brings out cigar case, lights cigar, looks at watch, and fidgets.] Oh, I know — you're crazy to go with me — to church ! [Ernest doesnt hear. Creates a cloud of smoke.] Their regular rector is ill. So I agreed to take the service this morning. . . . Always the way when off for a rest . . . isn't it ^ [No answer. Theodore gets up, walks around the table, and shouts in Ernest's /ac^.] Isn't it? Ernest [startled] I beg your pardon .? Theodore [laughs, Ernest wondering what's the joke] Oh, you're hopeless! [Going.] I can't stand people who talk so much at breakfast. Ernest [suddenly wakes up] Wait a minute. Sit down. Have a cigar. Let's talk about God. [Theodore stops smiling.] But I mean it. I'd like to have a religion myself. no "And So They Were Married" Theodore I had an idea you took no stock in religion. [Takes the cigar. Ernest holds a match for him. Ernest [enthusiastically] Just what I thought, until . . . well, I've made a discovery, a great discovery! Theodore A scientific discovery ? Ernest [with a wave of the hand] It makes all science look like a . . . m^re machine. Theodore Well, if you feel so strongly about it . . . better come to church after all ! Ernest I'm not talking about the Church — I'm talk- ing about religion. Ill "And So They Were Married" Theodore You're not talking about religion; you're talk- ing about — love. Ernest [quietly] Certainly; the same thing, isn't it? I'm talk- ing about the divine fire that glorifies life and perpetuates it — the one eternal thing we mor- tals share with God. . . . If that isn't religious, what is ? [Theodore smiles indulgently.] Tell me, Theodore — you know I wasn't allowed to go to church when young, and since then I've always worked on the holy Sabbath day, like yourself — does the Church still let innocent hu- man beings think there's something inherently wrong about sex ? [Theodore drops his eyes. Ernest disgusted with him.] I see ! Good people should drop their eyes even at the mention of the word. Theodore Sex is a necessary evil, I admit, but Ernest [laughs] Evil ! The God-given impulse which accounts for you sitting there, for me sitting here .? The 112 "And So They Were Married" splendid instinct which writes our poetry, builds our civilizations, founds our churches — the very heart and soul of life is evil. Really, Theodore, I don't know much about religion, but that strikes me as blasphemy against the Creator. Theodore Very scientific, my boy, very modern; but the Church believed in marriage before Science was born. Ernest . As a compromise with evil .? Theodore As a sacrament of religion — and so do you ! Ernest Good ! Then why practise and preach marriage as a sacrament of property? "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man — " Women are still goods and chattels to be given or sold, are they f Theodore Oh, nonsense ! 113 "And So They Were Married" Ernest Then why keep on making them promise to "serve and obey"? Why marry them with a ring — the Hnkof the ancient chain ? [He smiles.] In the days of physical force it was made of iron — now of gold. But it's still a chain, isn't it? Theodore Symbols, my dear fellow, not to be taken in a literal sense — time-honored and beautiful sym- bols. Ernest But why insult a woman you respect — even symbolically ? Theodore [with a laugh] Oh, you scientists ! Ernest [joining in the laugh] We try to find the truth — and you try to hide it, eh ? Well, there's one thing we have in common, anyway — one faith I'll never doubt again; I believe in Heaven now. I always shall. 114 "And So They Were Married" Theodore Do you mind telling me why, my boy ? Ernest Not in the least. I've been there. [John comes out to breakfast. He is scowling.] Good morning; could you spare me five minutes? John [ringing bell] Haven't had breakfast yet. Ernest After breakfast ? John I've an appointment with young Baker. Ernest [smiles] I'll wait my turn. John Going to be pretty busy to-day — you, too, I suppose, if you're sailing to-morrow. 115 "And So They Were Married" Ernest I can postpone sailing. This is more impor- tant. John I should hate to see anything interfere with your career. [Lucy also arrives for breakfast. She *'al- zvays pours her husbarid's coffee." Ernest I appreciate your interest, but I'll look out for my ** career." [To Lucy.] Could you tell me when your sister will be down ? John [overriding Lucy] My sister is ill and won't be down at all . . . until after you leave. [Lucy pretends not to hear. Theodore walks away. Ernest [aroused, but calm] I don't believe you quite understand. It is a matter of indifference to me whether we have a talk or not. Entirely out of courtesy to you that I suggest it. ii6 "And So They Were Married" John Don't inconvenience yourself on my account. Ernest [shrugs shoulders and turns to Theodore] Wait, I think I'll sit in church till train time. Theodore [smoothing it over] Come along. I'm going to preach about marriage ! [Theodore starts off. Ernest [going, turns to Lucy] Thanks for your kindness. Will you ask the valet to pack my things, please? I'll call for them on the way to the station. [To John.] Do you understand .^ I have no favors to ask of you. You don't own your sister — she owns herself. [The scientist goes to church. John [with a loud laugh, tur^is to Lucy] Rather impertinent for a two-thousand-dol- lar man, I think. [Resumes breakfast, picks up newspaper. Lucy says nothing, attending to his 117 "And So They Were Married" wants solicitously .] Bah ! what does this high- brow know about the power men of my sort can use . . . when we have to? [Lucy cringes dutifully in silence. John, paper in one handy brusquely passes cup to Lucy with other.] Helen got her own way about college, about work, about living in her own apartment — but if she thinks she can put this across ! Humph ! These modern women must learn their place. [Lucy, smiling timidly, returns cup. John takes it with- out thanks, busied in newspapers. A look of re- sentment creeps over Lucy's pretty face, now that he cant see her.] Ah ! I've got something up my sleeve for that young woman. [Lucy says nothing, looks of contempt while he reads.] Well, why don't you say something .? Lucy [startled] I thought you didn't like me to talk at breakfast, dear. John Think I like you to sit there like a mummy ? [No reply.] Haven't you (Anything to say .? [Ap- parently not.] You never have any more, noth- ing interesting. . . . Does it ever occur to you that I'd like to be diverted.? ... No! Ii8 "And So They Were Married" Lucy Yes. . . . Would you mind very much if . . . if I left you, John ? John Left me ? When — where — how long ? Lucy [gathering courage] Now — any place — entirely. John [bursts out laughing] What suddenly put this notion in your head ? Lucy I'm sorry — John, but I've had it — oh, for years. I never dared ask you till now. John [still glancing over paper] Like to leave me, would you ? . . . You have no grounds for divorce, my dear. Lucy But you will have — after I leave you. 119 "And So They Were Married" John [yawns] You have no lover to leave with. Lucy [daintily] But couldn't I just desert you — without anything horrid ? John [reads] No money to desert with. Lucy [springs up — at bay] You won't let me escape decently when I tell you I don't want to stay? When I tell you I can't stand being under your roof any longer? When I tell you I'm sick of this life? John [gets up calmly] But, you see, I can stand it. I want you to stay. I'm not sick of it. You belong to me. Lucy [shrinking away as he approaches] Don't touch me ! Every time you come near me I have to nerve myself to stand it, 1 20 "And So They Were Married" John What's got into you ? Don't I give you every- thing money can buy ? My God, if I only gave you something to worry about; if I ran after other women like old man Baker Lucy If you only would ! — Then you'd let me alone. To me you are repulsive. John [taking hold of her] Lucy ! You are my wife. Lucy [looking him straight in the eye] But you don't respect me, and I — I hate you — oh, how I hate you ! John [holds her fast] I am your husband, your lawful husband. Lucy [stops struggling] Yes, this is lawful — but, oh, what laws you men have made for women ! [The Judge comes out^ carrying a telegram, 121 "And So They Were Married" Judge Rather early in the day for conjugal embraces, if you should ask me. [John and Lucy separate.] Makes me quite sentimental and homesick. [Judge raises telegram and kisses it. Lucy [calming herself] From Aunt Julia again .? Do you get tele- grams every day from Reno .? Judge No, but she caught cold. Went to the theatre last night and caught a cold. So she wired me — naturally; got the habit of telling me her troubles, can't break it, even in Reno. John I thought she hated the theatre ! Judge So she does, but I'm fond of it; she went for my sake. She's got the habit of sacrificing her- self for me. Just as hard to break good habits as bad. John True women enjoy sacrificing themselves. 122 "And So They Were Married" Judge Yes, that's what we tell them. Well, we ought to know. We make 'em do it. [Brings out a fountain pen and sits abruptly.] That's what I'll tell her. I can hear her laugh. You know her laugh. Lucy [rings for a servant] A telegraph blank ? Judge [with a humorous expression he brings a whole pad of telegraph blanks out of another pocket] Carry them with me nowadays. [Begins to write.] Wish I hadn't sold my Western Union, John. John I don't believe you want that divorce very much. Judge It doesn't matter what / want — what she wants is the point. You must give the woman you marry tutti-frutti, divorces — everything. 123 "And So They Were Married" . . . Why, I've got the habit myself, and God knows I don't enjoy sacrifice — I'm a man ! The superior sex! John I don't believe you appreciate that wife of yours. Judge [between the words he's writing Don't I ? It isn't every wife that'd travel away out to Reno — you know how she hates travelling — and go to a theatre — and catch a cold — and get a divorce — all for the sake of an uncongenial husband. [Suddenly getting an idea, strikes table.] I know what gave her a cold. She raised all the windows in her bed- room — for my sake ! — I always kept them down for her sake. I'll have to scold her. [Bends to his writing again.] Poor little thing ! She doesn't know how to take care of herself without me. I doubt if she ever will. [Looks over telegram. A Servant comes y takes telegram, and goes. John Uncle Everett, I want your advice. 124 "And So They Were Married" Judge John ! do you want a divorce ? John No, we are not that sort, are we, Lucy ? [No answer.] Are we, dear ? Lucy [after a pause] No, we are not that sort ! John We believe in the sanctity of the home, the hoHness of marriage. Lucy Yes, we beheve in — "the hoHness of mar- riage !" [Turns away^ covering her j ace with her hands and shuddering. John Lucy, tell Helen and Jean to come here. [Lucy goes\ Well, young Baker spoke to me about Jean last night. I told him I'd think it over and give him my decision this morning. I2S "And So They Were Married" Judge That's right. Mustn't seem too anxious, John. When the properly quahfied male offers one of our dependent females a chance at woman's only true career, of course it's up to us to look disappointed. John But I didn't bring up the little matter you spoke of. Judge About that chorus girl ? . . . Afraid of scar- ing him off ? John Not at all, but — well, it's all over and it's all fixed. No scandal, no blackmail. Judge Hum! By the way, got anything on Hamil- ton ? John I don't believe in saints myself. 126 "And So They Were Married" Judge I see. . . . Good thing, for Jean Rex isn't a saint. I suppose you'd break off the match. [Rex, in riding clothes^ comes out. John sa- lutes him warmly. The Judge is reading the paper. Rex {not eagerly] Well? John Well, of course, you realize that you're asking a great deal of me, Rex, but — [Offers hand to Rex warmly.] Be good to her, my boy, be good to her. Rex {shaking hands, forced warmth] Thanks awfully. See-what-I-mean ? [To Judge.] Congratulate me, Judge; I'm the hap- piest of men. Judge {looking up from newspaper] So I see. Don't let it worry you. [Jean, in riding costume, comes from the house. 127 "And So They Were Married'* John [signallmg Judge to leave] If Helen asks for me, I'm in the garden. Judge If any telegrams come for me, I'm writing to my wife ! [Jean and Rex alone^ they look at each other^ not very loverlike. Jean [impulsively] You weren't in love with me yesterday. You aren't now. You would get out of it if you hon- orably could. But you honorabl}^ cant ! So you have spoken to John; you are going to see it through, because you're a good sport. ... I admire you for that, Rex, too much to hold you to it. You are released. Rex [amazed] Why — why — you — you don't suppose I want to be released ? Jean Well, I do ! . . . Yesterday I let you pro- 128 "And So They Were Married" pose to me when I cared for some one else. That's not fair to you, to me, to him ! Rex [in a sudden fury] Who is he ? What do you mean by this ? Why didn't you tell me ? Jean I am telling you now. What have you ever told me about yourself ? Rex [blinking] You had no right to play fast and loose with me. Jean I'm making the only amends I can. You are free, I tell you. Rex I don't want to be free ! He can't have you ! You are mine ! If you think you can make me stop loving you Jean [interrupting] Love, Rex ? Only jealousy. You've never been 129 "And So They Were Married" in love with me — you've always been in love with Helen. But you couldn't get her, so you took me. Isn't that true, Rex ? Rex [after an uncomfortable pause] I'll be honest with you, too. Yesterday I wasn't really very serious. I felt like a brute afterward. You tried your best to prevent what happened and ran away from me. But now Jean Don't you know why I ran away ? To make you follow. I made you catch me. I made you kiss me. Then you realized that we had been thrown together constantly — deliberately thrown together, if you care to know it — and, well, that's how many marriages are made. But I shan't marry on such terms. It's indecent ! Rex {another pause] I never thought a woman could be capable of such honesty ! . . . Oh, what a bully sport you are ! You aren't Hke the rest that have been shoved at me. Why, I can respect you. You are the one for me. [He tries to take her. 130 "And So They Were Married" Jean [restraining him with dignity] I am sorry, Rex, but I am not for you. Rex Jean ! without you . . . don't you see — I'll go straight to the devil ! Jean That old, cowardly dodge ? Any man who has no more backbone than that — why, I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man in the world. Rex [frantic to possess what he cannot have] You won't, eh ? We'll see about that. I want you now as I never wanted anything in my life, and I'll win you from him yet. You'll see ! [Helen now appears. Helen Oh, I beg your pardon. Lucy said John was out here. Jean I'll call him. [She runs down into the garden. 131 "And So They Were Married" Rex I'll call him. [He runs after Jean. Helen helplessly watches them go, sighs, standing by the gar- den steps until John ascends. He looks at Helen a moment, wondering how to begin. She looks so capable and unafraid of him. John If you hadn't gone to college, you could have done what Jean is doing. Helen \with a shrug and a smile] But how proud you must be, John, to have a sister who isn't compelled to marry one man while in love with another. Now, aren't you glad I went to college ? [She laughs good-naturedly at him. John Humph ! If you think I'd let a sister of mine marry one of old man Baker's two-thousand- dollar employees Helen Why, John, didn't Ernest tell you ^ Doctor n,2 "And So They Were Married" Hawksbee has offered him a partnership. Just think of that ! John What ! Going back into private practice ? Helen But it's such a fashionable practice. Hawks- bee's made a milHon at it. John But the institute needs Hamilton. Helen Ah, but we need the money ! John [disconcerted] So you are going to spoil a noble career, are you ? That's selfish. I didn't think it of you. There are thousands of successful physicians, but there is only one Ernest Hamilton. Helen [laughs] Oh, don't worry, John, he has promised me to keep his two-thousand-dollar job. .133 "And So They Were Married'* John Ah, I'm glad. You must let nothing interfere with his great humanitarian work. Think what it means to the lives of little children ! Think what it means to the future of the race ! Why, every one says his greatest usefulness has hardly begun ! Helen Oh, I know all that, I've thought of all that. John Now, such men should be kept free from cares and anxiety. What was it you said yesterday ? "He needs every cent of his salary for books, travel, all the advantages he simply must have for efficiency." To marry a poor man — most selfish thing a girl could do ! Helen Yes, John, that's what I said yesterday. John [scoring] But that was before he asked you ! [Helen smiles. He sneers.] Rather pleased with your- self now, aren't you ? "Just a woman after all" 134 "And So They Were Married" — heroine of cheap magazine story ! Sacrifices career for love ! . . . All very pretty and ro- mantic, my dear — but how about the man you love ! Want to sacrifice his career, too ? Helen But I'm not going to sacrifice what you are pleased to call my career. . . . Therefore he won't have to sacrifice his. John What ! going to keep on working ? Will he let the woman he loves work! Helen [demure] Well, you see, he says I'm "too good" to loaf. John Humph ! who'll take care of your home when you're at work? Who'll take care of your work when you're at home. Look at it practically. To maintain such a home as he needs on such a salary as he has — why, it would take all your time, all your energy. To keep him in his class you'll have to drop out of your own, become a household drudge, a servant. 135 "And So They Were Married" Helen And if I am willing ? John Then where's your intellectual companion- ship ? How'll you help his work ? Expense for him, disillusionment for both. If you're the woman you pretend to be, you won't marry that man ! Helen [strong] The world needs his work, but he needs mine, and we both need each other. John [stronger] And marriage would only handicap his work, ruin yours, and put you apart. You know that's true. You've seen it happen with others. You have told me so yourself! Helen Then that settles it ! We must not, cannot, shall not marry. We have no right to marry. I agree with all you say — it would not join us together; it would put us asunder. 136 "And So They Were Married" John And you'll give him up ? Good ! Good ! Helen Give him up ? Never ! The right to work, the right to love — those rights are inalienable. No, we'll give up marriage but not each other. John But — but — I don't understand. Helen [straight in his eyes] We need each other — in our work and in our life — and we're to have each other — until Hfe is ended and our work is done. Now, do you understand ? John [recoiling Are you in your right mind.f' Think what you're saying. Helen I have thought all night, John. You have shown me how to say it. 137 "And So They Were Married" John But, but — why, this is utterly unbeHevable ! Why I'm not even shocked. Do you notice ? I'm not even shocked ? Because everything you have said, everything you have done — it all proves that you are a good woman. Helen If I were a bad woman, I'd inveigle him into marriage, John. John Inveigle ! Marriage ! Are you crazy ? . . . Oh, this is all one of your highbrow jokes ! Helen John, weren't you serious when you said marriage would destroy him ? John But this would destroy you ! Helen Well, even if that were so, which is more im- portant to the world ? Which is more important to your "great humanitarian work" ? 138 "And So They Were Married" John Ah, very clever ! A bluff to gain my consent to marrying him — a trick to get his salary raised. Helen [with force] John, nothing you can do, nothing you can say, will ever gain my consent to marrying him. I've not told you half my reasons. John My God ! my own sister ! And did you, for one moment, dream that I would consent to that! Helen Not for one moment. I'm not asking your con- sent. I'm just telling you. John [after scrutinizing her] Ridiculous ! If you really meant to run away with this fellow, would you come and tell w