P s 3537 h27G5 »PHE GI AN X V Albert V. iSMiTlt Class _^^£M:i2 Book • /^2.7 Gi ^ CoipghtN"- n/OCL. COPYRIGHT DEPOSITS The Giant Other Nonsense Verse ALBERT W. SMITH ANDRUS & CHURCH ITHACA, N. Y. I9IO 537 76 ^ .n>? (?r " The Giant," the " Arctic Ball," and " Funnyland," in slightly different form, appeared originally in "The Ladies' Home Journal," and thanks are due to the editor for his kind permission to include them in this book. Copyright, 1910 by Albert W. Smith. Copyright, 191 1 by Albert W. Smith. (^C!.A2S0893 K 'Co Jllpheus "Dorothy and Thxth. THE GIANT npHERE is a Giant in the world ■*- Whose head is up so high, He has to get down on his knees To look up in the sky. And when he feels the need of food, He wades out in the sea And fishes out a whale or two Just right to fricassee. Or if he's near to Hindustan He gathers up a few Young elephants with jungle brush For oriental stew. And when he tires of earthly food His diet, as a rule, Consists of planets roasted well And hung outside to cool. He sends his wife to gather them ; She brings them on a tray ; For cream to make the planet sauce She skims the Milky Way. When Mrs. Giant cooks, the steam Floats off across the sky In clouds that drop the rain that keeps The world from getting dry. THE GIANT And sometimes when the clouds are dark, The Giant gets his gun And shoots it in their very midst — Because he likes the fun. But when the sky is clear all day, Without a cloud in sight. The Giant finds his supper cold When he gets home at night. Whenever Mrs. Giant goes To tidy up the room. She picks a comet 'cause its tail Is handy for a broom. The Giant drinks, to quench his thirst, A whirling water-spout ; He gave up drinking mountain lakes Lest he should have the gout. He puts a forest in his pipe When he's inclined to smoke, And lights his match upon the moon ; The moon can't see the joke ! I think, my child, were you a moon, 'Way off in stellar space. You'd feel put out if anyone Scratched matches on your face ! THE GIANT The Giant dresses up sometimes And goes to take a stroll ; And picks a little bunch of stars To deck his buttonhole. He's mighty careful which he takes ; He knows the ones to shun ; He burned his fingers badly once By fooling with the Sun. And once in absent minded mood He picked a nettle star ; — He ran a-yelling all the way From Rome to Zanzibar ! The islands are his stepping-stones, The continents his bed ; He slept on Greenland once and caught A snuffle in his head. He slides around the Arctic Pole ; And if he gets a chill He goes and sits a month or two In India or Brazil. He caught his trousers on Cape Horn And tore an awful slit ; He stayed in bed a season while His wife embroidered it ; She fixed it with a patch of sky ; It didn't show a bit ! THE GIANT When walking through a mountain land, He sometimes stubs his toe ; The shock is called an earthquake by The frightened folks below. Our weather only comes about Up to the Giant's knees ; The rest of him sticks up above As pleasant as you please. So, when he wants to dust his shoes, He only has to stand A minute in the middle of Some handy, windy land. He saw the men who went to dig The Panama Canal. He slapped his knees and laughed until He grew hysterical. He could have finished that Canal With half a dozen kicks ; But he had promised not to get Mixed up in politics ! One night a great astronomer, While gazing into space. By chance looked through his telescope Right in the Giant's face. THE GIANT He thought it was the moon until The Giant winked his eye ; — The wise man never dared again To search the starry sky. We never see the Giant, for On seeing us he flies, Because he feels so ill at ease And conscious of his size. THE ARCTIC BALL ^T^HKY gave a ball in the Arctic Zone, -*- And they danced on the frozen sea. The North-wind blew on a big trombone, And he played tunes that would melt a stone, But none in a minor key ; For that would melt ice and lower the tone. Imagine a ball in the Arctic Zone On a melting, mushy sea ! An Arctic ball is a long, long thing, For it's dark for six months there. They dance from Fall till early Spring, The two-step, waltz and the Highland-fling, Utterly free from care. They eat ice-cream that they have to blow To cool it off for it burns them so ; And they all drink liquified air. The whalloping whales came floundering through A hole in the icy floor ; And the Seals all came and the Caribou, The old Musk-ox, and the Reindeer too And many many more. They all joined feet and flippers and fins And danced 'round the Pole where the world begins^ With bark and bellow and roar. THE ARCTIC BALL When Boreas started an Irish reel The Reindeer pricked up his ears ; And a thrill ran through him from antler to heel Of longing to dance that he couldn't conceal, Although the most proper of deers. So they scattered some sand in an open space And gave him a hearty call ; And he sidestepped out with a rythmical pace, And danced to the reel with the greatest of grace. 'Twas the finest thing at the ball ! An Iceberg waltzed with the Northern Light ; And she flushed and smiled and said : "O, why, dear Berg, so cool tonight? You give me a chill and a frosty fright, Lest I catch a cold in my head." " I'm as warm as I dare to be, my sweet, With dancing and love of you ; If I loved you more or should hurry my feet, My blood would rise to a fever heat, Fahrenheit thirty-two. And then I'd melt and babble away, From a tall iceberg to a big flat bay ; Melted for love of you. ' ' THE ARCTIC BALL The Walrus danced with the Polar Bear, But it wasn't much for grace ; Their joints were rusty and out of repair : But the Bear wore an icicle wreath in her hair, And the Walrus a smiling face. And the Chaperone said, behind her fan : "They're doing the best they possibly can, And laughter is out of place ! ' ' The North Pole listened and wondered why He felt such a troublesome thrill ; Though he stood stock still as they all danced by, It was sorely against his will. But if he should move just the wink of an eye, The world would wabble and things would fly And the oceans would surely spill. So he heaved a sigh and took a brace And held himself in his proper place, And ' ' the old world wags on still. ' ' A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA ONE afternoon when a mild monsoon Blew over the tropical sea, On the ocean strand of a sandy land They gave a Tropical Tea. 0,0, who could foresee All the beasts there would be at a Tropical Tea ? In a monsoony land, With a Tropical Band. O, who could foresee ? Every lady beast attended the feast With the lady birds so fair ; But the Whale and the Eel were sure they would feel Quite out of their element there. O, O, think of an Eel ! With a squirming disgust that she couldn't conceal ! Nothing wet but the tea, Far away from the sea. O, think of the Eel ! A truce for the day kept the beasts of prey From eating a handy guest ; So the Tiger was there and the timid Hare, — Though the Hare wasn't quite at her best. A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA O, O, if the Hare wasn't scared ! She would have gone lippetty home if she'd dared. But she gave up the flight And kept well out of sight. O, wasn't she scared ! The Zebra sneered when the Leopard appeared, And said with a satisfied smile : ' ' In France they would not wear a dress with a spot And stripes are the latest style." O, surely the Zebra forgot That the I^eopard's unable to alter a spot ; Her critical tone She'd have dropped if she'd known. She surely forgot ! The Ostrich was dressed in her very best With plumy wings outspread ; But the Paradise Bird said : ' ' How absurd ! She hasn't a plume for her head ! " O, O, it wasn't polite ! The Ostrich felt sure that she looked like a fright. She covered her head In a handy sand-bed Quite out of their sight. A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA : The Chimpanzee sipped oolong tea And simpered and nibbled a sweet ; And the Boa-constrictor would fain have kicked her, But she hadn't the requisite feet. 0,0, she wasn't complete ! A twenty foot Boa without any feet ; If she'd had twenty three What a kicker she'd be ! She wasn't complete ! An Orang-outang came out and sang Unembarrassed by the throng ; And they cried encore with a terrible roar To her tropical, topical song. Song : In the jungle dim and dusky, A monkey lithe and husky Was hanging by his long prehensile tail ; When he heard two men, preparing An iron cage, declaring That they'd learn the monkey lingo without fail. O, O, wasn't it fun ! He unhooked his tail and he started to run ; Every simian friend To the dim jungle's end He told of the fun ! A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA When at night the men were waiting Safe behind the iron grating, The monkeys came in crowds from every way, And although it was exciting. Yet the men inside were writing All the things they thought they heard the monkeys say. O, O, this is a lark ! Two men writing monkey talk down in the dark ; If they only could know What we're saying, O, O, Then 'twould be a lark ! An Elephant rose with a cold in her nose And she thought she would sing like a bird ; But the song went astray on the wearisome way Through her trunk, and it never was heard. 0,0, she felt like a goose ; With a song in her soul that she couldn't turn loose ; How she twisted and blew ! But it couldn't get through. O, what was the use ! A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA 13 A Crocodile with an afternoon smile Sang a song that made them quail. Her mouth opened wide and the sight inside Gave point to her musical tale. Song : A yacht came sailing up the Nile, Sail away, sail away, And the sight made every crocodile smile ; Smile away, smile away. With a bubbly wake, through foam and spray, Through Egypt's land, it sailed away. Alack-a-day ! The Sphinx was smiling all the while. Smile away, smile away, As the yacht came sailing up the Nile ; Sail away, sail away. And she asked them a riddle that none could guess So she swamped the yacht in a wink or less. Alack-a-day ! Not a single person came to land ; Alack-a-day ! Alack-a-day ! But crocodiles on every hand, Smile away, smile away. Said ; " O, we wish that every day A yacht would happen along this way ! ' ' Alack-a-day ! 14 A TROPICAL AFTERNOON TEA And everyone stayed till the twilight shade Dimmed the tropical afternoon. And they all went away through the fading day, By the moon through the mild Monsoon. O, O, it was a lark ! They gossipped and stayed till the edge of the dark. And some were afraid And were sorry they'd stayed. O, wasn't it dark ! THE TIDES THE ocean had, in days of yore, A very dirty, muss)^ shore From Newfoundland to Singapore. When mermaids wished to go to land, To sit and sing upon the strand. They had to flop through slimy sand. When Neptune saw this, it befell, He took his dolphin team and shell And sped away across the swell. He went to every sea and bay, And gave his orders all the way From Greenland's rim to far Cathay ;— And now the tides rise up and roar, And twice a day they wash the shore From Newfoundland to Singapore ; And beaches lie all clean and fair. Where mermaids sing and take the air With tidy tails and streaming hair. NIGHT AND DAY "DKFORK Time started on his way -*-' There was no changing night and day^; The sun stood still above Bombay. And Bombay people had to hear The constant clanging far and near Of bells that called to noonday cheer. They ate continuously, for when They finished their dessert, why then They started off with soup again. One eats with pleasure and a jest With time between meals to digest ; But constant eating spoils the zest. ^ jk ^c ik ik ik About three thousand miles away In all directions from Bombay It was forever early day ; And people worked with might and main Hoping for dinner time and fain For night and rest, but all in vain. A sandwich snatched, a wedge of pie, A cat-nap stolen on the sly, These were the only reasons why, NIGHT AND DAY 17 Since they could neither rest or play, They didn't stop in sheer dismay And starve, dry up and blow away. And further on for many a mile The dawn held sway with rosy smile. And yawning folks dressed all the while. The rest of earth was brooded o'er By endless night, and one grand snore Swelled loud and long from shore to shore. And folks would wake with start and sigh And rub their eyes and wonder why Dawn never tinged the eastern sky.* The moon and stars were wan and pale From overwork, the nightingale Could only croak and hoarsely wail. * Some critic now will surely say : — ' ' How could they think of dawn, when they Had never been where it was day ? ' ' Their shiftless forbears may have pined In dawn-land, and with debts behind Have gone where they were hard to find. So, gentle critic, be content. This hope of dawn was surely sent By atavistic accident. i8 NIGHT AND DA Y But ghosts might range abroad at will Fearless of dawn and cock-crow shrill, And waken folks with awful thrill. 5(s ^ ^ ^ ^ 'T^ Now Phoebus driving in his car With winged steeds from star to star, Passed by the earth and from afar Beheld the weary human race ; He checked his horses for a space And pondered with a serious face ; Then put his horses to the run And when a long swift course was done He hitched his wagon to the sun. Since then the dusky night alway Around the world has chased the day ; And we can work and rest and play. FUNNYLAND THERE'S an island 'way off in the seas Where the babies all grow upon trees. It's the j oiliest fun To swing in the sun ; But they have to look out how they sneeze, O, I tell you they'd better not sneeze ! They might break themselves off With a sneeze or a cough And tumble down flop on their knees. When the clouds darken mountain and dale, When the breeze freshens up to a gale. There is screaming and dropping And laughing and hopping ; — In fact little babies just hail. They all lie on the ground in a pile, And when people come, after a while, They quickly pass by The babies that cry, And they pick up the babies that smile ; — O, they even take twins if they smile ! There's a tree where the kitty-cats grow. They hang by their tails in a row ; If they happen to fall, They don't mind it at all. For they fall on their feet as you know. FUNNYLAND There once was a puppy-dog tree That people came miles just to see. But the bark was so loud That it scattered the crowd And rattled the isles of the sea ; It frightened the King, And the troublesome thing Was cut down by a royal decree. Whenever dogs grow now at all, They are puggy and snarly and small ; They grow on a vine lyike a squash, and they whine Although they can't possibly fall. Wherever an elephant grows, He's always hitched on by his nose ; And he just has to wait Till his weight is so great That his nose is stretched out to a hose ; — That accounts for his rubbery nose. And sometimes, when something is wrong, The elephant hitch is so strong That he fails to get free From the elephant tree Till his nose is a hundred feet long. So he buys a hose-cart To trundle a part Of his nose as he lumbers along. FUNNYLAND Any sensible person should know How giraffes are hitched on when they grow. Their necks elongate With increase of their weight Till their feet touch the ground and they go. When first a young donkey appears, He hangs from the limb by his ears ; And he hangs till the day When he first tries to bray — O, the tree shakes him off when it hears ! And he runs away wagging his ears. The birdies swim 'round in the sea, With the wasp and the bungleing bee. If you dangle a worm, With a wiggley squirm, You might catch a chick-a-dee-dee. The fishes swim 'round in the sky. With pollywogs woggleing by. While frogs hop around On the clouds to the sound Of the song of the lobsters that fly. FUNNYLAND A wonderful Funnyland sight Is a mountain of very great height; But you never could guess What happens unless You should be there on Saturday night. When the sun in the west is aglow The whole mountain rumbles, and lo, It pours out a stream Of assorted ice-cream By the banks where the macaroons grow. Then from city and country and town, The children, of king and of clown, All run with their spoons And they pick macaroons And they eat till they have to lie down. But the thing that the children adore, Is a mountain that stands by the shore, With a cratery pot Where molasses keeps hot With trickles of taffy galore. Sometimes it rains pop-corn at night ; And all of the kernels that light On the mountain-top, pop, And they hop, and they drop, Till the top of the mountain is white ; And corn balls roll down To the edge of the town. While the children dance 'round with delight. FUNNYLAND 23 There's a spring hidden deep in a glade, Of most excellent pink lemonade. It falls in a pool All bubbly cool From a babbling and brawling cascade ; And the children, each summery day When they're thirsty with rollicking play, Go there and dip up Ivcmonade in a cup And drink till their buttons give 'way. When Funnyland children have chills And fever, or colicky ills, They are not put to bed To be poulticed and fed On gruel and puckery pills. When the Doctor comes in to advise. He says, as he scowls and looks wise : " You've been eating brown bread And potatoes instead Of good wholesome candies and pies. I can tell by the look in your eye That you've kept your feet constantly dry. For a lassie or lad It is best to be bad, Don't even be good on the sly." 24 FUNNYLAND THE Funnyland clerk of the weather Doesn't waste his time finding out whether Tomorrow' 11 be blowy Or sunny or snowy ; — O, he's wiser than that altogether. He carefully studies the past And runs up a flag on a mast, So that people can see If there's going to be A thunder storm week before last. THE hunters go forth to the lair Of the Tiger with crimps in his hair. And peppery snuff Is the terrible stuff That they shoot at the blundering Bear. For lo, when they happen to spy The bears that go wandering by, They shoot off their gun And, although the bears run, They sneeze off their heads and they die. FUNNYLAND 25 But they never go hunting this way For the Tiboons that live in the bay ; When they sneeze, O, the sound Cracks the air, and the ground Wabbles 'round in a terrible way. So the King's Grenadiers, With wool in their ears, Stand always in warlike array On the edge of the sand With a fan in each hand To keep tickley dust from the bay ; So the Tiboons won't sneeze Shaking surf from the seas And rattling the islands away. THE King goes forth daily at noon, To parade with the knights of the moon ; And he's grandly arrayed In clothes that are made From the skin of a raging Tiboon ; A roaring and ramping Tiboon. 26 FUNNYLAND There was only one man in the isles Who was wily enough with his wiles To capture this beast, So that people could feast And the King could keep up with the styles. He stealthily crept to the bay While the little Ti boons were at play, And their parents were drowsing Or quietly browsing. (They can't rage the whole of the day ! ) The man waded quietly near To the biggest Tiboon, from the rear, And he tied a tin pail To the end of his tail ; O, the Tiboon went crazy with fear ; His raging was awful to hear. But he finally died Of a twisted inside, — Thus ended his ramping career. FUNNYLAND 27 npHE soldiers are never afraid -*- To march in a long cavalcade To His Majesty's park To shoot at a mark Or take part in a deadly parade ; — A boom-ta-rah-rahing parade. When the band blows a blare To crack open the air, O, the soldiers are never afraid. For years, through the King's oversight, They had never been called out to fight ; And they thirsted for gore, (Other people's) and swore That they languished to fight for the right. One day the King happened to spy A ship sailing by in the sky ; And, I grieve to relate. Made a face at the Mate, And the Mate was insulted thereby ; In fact " he had blood in his eye." 28 FUNNYLAND So he signalled the Chief Engineer To check the ship's raging career, And the anchor dropped down And caught on the Town, While the children all trembled with fear, — A lovely, blood-curdling fear ! Then the best parachute was prepared, And the Mate, while the people all stared, Came zigzagging down In the midst of the town ; But]the King didn't look a bit scared. (Though I think that he would if he'd dared.) The face of the furious Mate Was covered with whiskers and hate ; " The people," said he, ' ' Who make faces at me All meet with a horrible fate, — A midnighty, church-yardy fate." ' ' Surrender your Funnyland isle ! Surrender your treasury pile ! Surrender to me ! ' ' But the King said, said he, ' ' Excuse me dear Sir, if I smile ! (O, his smile could be seen for a mile !) FUNNYLAND When the speaking and smiling were done The army came up at a run. O, the Mate was alarmed, For each soldier was armed With a kind of sky-rocketty gun. They drew up in battle array All loaded and primed for the fray. O, the racket was dire At the order to fire, And the Mate — why he fainted away. ('Twas the one way of getting away.) Then there came a most terrible crash. Such as big things make, going to smash ; For the ship struck the ground, And the air all around Was filled up with splinters and trash, Dust, kindling-wood, oakum and hash. (The Captain and crew were the hash. ) The Mate knew his chances were slim, But he never suspected how grim Was his oncoming fate. He was destined to wait On the King who'd made faces at him, — Disrespectful, wry faces at him ! 29 30 FUNNYLAND If you ever should sail in the air As mate of a ship, O, beware ! If a King in full view Should make faces at you, Don't suffer your anger to flare ; — Remember this tragic affair ! ^ I ^HE Funnyland chimneys are all -■- So large and exceedingly tall. That Santa Claus shook In his shoes when he took A look at the distance to fall ; Then he altered his plan Like a wise little man And didn't climb chimneys at all. But in dooryards of every degree He planted a curious tree ; And now every year When Christmas is near The fruit is a wonder to see. There are dollies and trolleys and rows Of silky and satiny clothes ; And candles and strings Of tinsel, and rings For the fingers and bells for the toes. FUNNYLAND 31 There are serpents and sugary hearts ; Tin soldiers and cinnamon tarts ; While bicycles grow On the branches below With wagons and wabbly carts. There are ducks that you squeeze and they squawk ; And green polly-parrots that talk ; And filberts and figs, And cottony pigs That you pull by a string and they walk. On Christmas Eve children go out To the Santa Claus tree with a shout, And put baskets below The things that they know That they couldn't be happy without. Then Santa Claus comes in the night When there isn't a person in sight ; And he chuckles with glee As he climbs every tree And shakes it with all of his might. Things rustle and rattle and flop, And loosen and tumble and drop, Till the children awake With the noise that they make And the baskets are full to the top. 32 FUNNYLAND Just think of the wide-open eyes Of children awaiting surprise ! They tumble and twist And sit up and insist That the sun has forgotten to rise. Then all, when the windows grow gray, Run out in their bedtime array, And the frolic begins ; — They would like to be twins To double the joy of the day. FUNNYLAND WHEN slanting moonbeams touch the hills, And shadows fill the glen ; When people all are fast asleep, The little maids and men From Fairyland come sliding down The moonbeams in a row. With tuneful laugh and merry jest And faces all aglow ; As children in the winter lands Toboggan on the snow. The moonlight gleams on gauzy wings And glints from precious stones ; And caps are crowned with little bells With silvery tinkling tones. Each Fairy wears a cob-web dress. And through this filmy guise The mischief shows in every move And sparkles in their eyes. And some with bags of happy dreams Go softly stealing where The island children lie asleep, And while they're unaware Untie the bags, and lo, the doors Of wonderland stand wide ! I hope, my child, you've been sometimes Where dream-bags were untied. 33 34 FUNNYLAND The crooked gnomes, with peaked hats And faces ill to see, Come swiftly riding night-mares too. And with an elfish glee They gallop over children who Ate fruitcake after tea. I hope, my child, you do not know About the things they see. One fairy stole a pepper-box And flew above the bay, And scattered clouds of pepper where The sleeping Tiboons lay. The Tiboons sneezed, the islands shook. And chimneys tumbled down. The people thought a foe had come To cannonade the town. The King got up and trembled so He joggled off his crown. My child, if Tiboons chance to live In any neighboring bay, You'd better lock the pepper up Whenever you're away. One night with fairy mandolins They played such 'witching strains, A kind of dancing madness ran Through every hearer's veins ; FUNNYLAND 35 The players passed the Palace Gate ; The King and Queen and all The people of the household came A-dancing through the hall. They hadn't time to don their dress Who heard the music's call. They danced the streets, and all who heard The music lilt along, Came tripping lightly at the sound To join the merry throng ; Till all the people in the isle. In sleeping clothes arrayed. Were dancing in the moonlight night In motley masquerade. They danced and whirled beside the bay Where Tiboons by the score. Who'd heard the merry mandolins. Were skipping on the shore. One Tiboon gave his flipper to His Majesty the King, And there together on the sand They " cut a pigeon- wing." The Fairies laughed until they cried, 'Twas such a funny thing ! 36 FUNNYLAND At dawn the Fairies flew away ; The dancing stopped — ah me ! The weariness and burning shame Were very sad to see. A sort of Sunday quiet filled The isle from shore to shore ; But Fairyland resounded with A most hilarious roar. My child, when slanting moonbeams fall Around your house, beware, Lest Fairies with their mandolins Should catch you unaware. A MARSH LYRIC with humble apologies to the Shade of Bdward I/car, HE went to hunt on the marsh, he did ; A middle-aged man was he ; In spite of all his friends could say, Oh a foggy morn of a Winter's day To the mushy marsh went he. And everyone said who saw him go ; O, he'll surely stick in the slough below, For the mud is deep and the tide is strong And happen what may it's extremely wrong For a man of forty three." Slime and slough, slime and slough. In the marsh where the wild ducks swim ; Their heads are green and their bills are blue But there wasn't a duck for him ! The water came into his boots, it did ; The water and mud came in ; But he called aloud, " My boots will do To hold my feet and the water too, ' ' As he held his chattering chin. And he found a fish and a soft-shell clam And he said : ' ' How extremely wise I am ; Though the marsh is broad and the sloughs are long, I shall never think I was rash or wrong To come where the fog blows in," Slime and slough, slime and slough. In the marsh where the wild ducks swim ; Their heads are green and their bills are blue But there wasn't a duck for him ! 38 A MARSH L YRIC He went to the shore of the bay, he did To the shore where the tules grow ; And he shot at a hawk and a brown marsh-owl, And a rail and a teal and a feathery fowl Whose name he didn't know. He shot at a snipe and a wild goose gray. And a spoonbill duck that didn't stay. And a fat mud-hen and a butter-ball ; And he shot three times at a heron tall. And a pelican big and slow. Slime and slough, slime and slough. In the marsh where the wild ducks swim ; Their heads are green and their bills are blue But there wasn't a duck for him ! The birds all laughed out loud, they did ; To see the hunter there ; And they said : "It's just no end of fun When a middle-aged man with a great big gun Shoots ragged holes in the air." And the wild gray goose kept laughing till The tears in streams ran down his bill ; For there's fun so funny, the ducks agree That even the biggest goose can see ; But the hunter was unaware. Slime and slough, slime and slough, In the marsh where the wild ducks swim ; Their heads are green and their bills are blue But there wasn't a duck for him ! A MARSH L YRIC 39 Toward night the man came back, he did, With movements sad and slow. And they said : " He's been to the briny bay ; And he wasn't drowned in the usual way ; But he hasn't a bird to show." They gave him toast and some tule tea, And drank long life that they couldn't foresee ; And everyone said : ' ' Some other day "We too will hunt by the foggy bay Where the slimy sloughs o'erflow." Slime and slough, slime and slough, In the marsh where the wild ducks swim ; Their heads are green and their bills are blue But there wasn't a duck for him ! THE BOY AND THE BASILISK OF all the fearsome, ugly things With arms or legs or fins or wings, That haunt the earth or seas or skies, The Basilisk with fiery eyes For fearsomeness took every prize. His home, within a barren glen, Was shunned by beasts and birds and men. It^didn't matter ; what cared he For senseless sociability. Daily the Basilisk would take A trip down to a boiling lake Of brimstone which he drank until He had to crawl with care or spill. He thought hot brimstone just the thing With small blue flames for garnishing. He swallowed it without a wink ; It served him both for food and drink. Then stretched upon the blistering shore He slept, and lo, a sulphurous snore Resounded loud and long and slow From Zululand to Borneo. None knew who heard this fearsome roar Of what the future held in store. THE BOY AND THE BASILISK 41 When in his most goodnatured mood, He basked content and filled with food, His mildest glance would kill a tree, Or split a rock or boil the sea. 'Twere wisdom then to shun his path If he were roused to righteous wrath. The Imp who kept the boiling lake Supplied with sulphur, by mistake Sent all the stock another way ; The surface settled every day ; And then — the lake went wholly dry. It was a fearful hungry cry With which, in no placating mood, The Basilisk set out for food. With anxious haste he left the glen And sought the homes of beasts and men ; For, lacking brimstone, he could stand 'Most any food that came to hand. In fact he could, as you can guess. Stand anything but emptyness. For forty feet to left and right He blasted everything in sight. He spied upon a distant steep A peaceful flock of grazing sheep. He hustled up, this monster grim. For mutton was the meat for him ! 42 THE BOY AND THE BASILISK As he approached with hungry gaze, Each sheep burned up with sulphurous blaze And coming to the place he found Just piles of ashes on the ground. Now when a monster seeking food Finds ashes, the resulting mood Is apt to be a thing to dread ; In fact he turned a fiery red. He would have turned white hot but he Feared burning up spontaneously. He could have raged and gnashed his jaws ; He could have scratched with all his claws ; He had a long and mighty tail, He could have lashed it like a flail. What was the use, no thing in sight Was left whereon to vent his spite. Why should he make a grand-stand play With grand-stands all so far away ? The Basilisk was not too dense To temper rage with common sense. He reasoned thus : ' ' Since I destroy By gazing, things I'd fain enjoy. The one conclusion that I find Is — I must starve or go it blind." He shut his eyelids with a snap And started out across the map. THE BOY AND THE BASILISK 43 He gobbled here a flock of sheep, And there he found some cows asleep. By working overtime he could Obtain a modest livlihood. Sometimes he made a meal of men, He could get on with eight or ten. A load of wheat, a bale of hay, A bunch of bushes by the way. All these sufficed to partly fill The need of his digestive mill. Sometimes when hunger would abate From fullness, he would meditate ; And burning curiosity Would fill his bosom full, for he Was fain to see the landscape where He sought his humble daily fare. But when he chanced to crack his eye All things in sight would blaze and fry ; And thus he failed of his desire To see the country free from fire. And also, when he tried to see. No man in range had time to flee. Perhaps 'twere better just to burn And have one's ashes in an urn. Than to be gobbled up and risk One's self inside the Basilisk. 44 THE BOY AND THE BASILISK This Monster with his hungry wrath Left death and ruin in his path ; And as he went on pasturing, He neared the palace of the King. The King had heard how, far away, The Basilisk made disarray By skufi&ng up the landscape's face And swallowing the populace. If this continued, it was plain He'd have no reason left to reign. Though far above the common mob. He didn't like to lose his job. 'Twas now a far more serious thing, The populace might lose their King ! So he sent out a hurry call ; The Council hustled to the hall, And talked and talked and talked some more ; And then — a Basiliskian roar Reverberated near and far ; It made the palace windows jar ! Then silence fell and everyone Forgot to talk and wished to run. ('Tis hoped the reader won't mind this Irrelevant parenthesis. Each King or Queen or Potentate Or man who runs a town or state, Should have a Basilisk to stalk Around the place for stopping talk. ) THE BOY AND THE BASILISK 45 Responding to the King's command, A man whose voice could drown a band, Came up and stood before the the throne. The King passed out his megaphone And said : "Go forth by every way Unto my kingdom's bound and say, 'Hear ye, hear ye, the King declares That he who kills this beast or scares His hungry ugliness away To lands where he'll be sure to stay, Shall be a knight and have a key That fits the royal treasury.' " The man went forth straightway and tried His voice upon the countryside. The Basilisk, in great surprise. Woke up and almost blinked his eyes ; He wished so much to see who kept This racket going while he slept. At last before he noticed it, His eyelids opened just a slit ; A little blaze, a little whir — The King had lost his messenger ! "Alas the day ! " bewailed the King, " I see my finish in this thing. The Council can convene no more For fear the Basilisk may roar. 46 THE BOY AND THE BASILISK The soldiers are of no avail ; You can't expect them not to quail When thinking of the awful risk In war against the Basilisk." Just then, a half grown Boy alone Came in and walked up to the throne, And said : " Your Majesty, I heard Your proclamation. I am stirred To undertake to overwhelm The beast that now despoils the realm." The King considered for a while And raised his hand to hide a smile. But though His Royal Highness smiled, 'Most any plan however wild, Seemed in this dire emergency Worth trying ; therefore a decree Went forth at once to authorize This Boy's unusual enterprise. "Farewell, my Boy," called out the King, " And may you overcome the thing ! " " Prepare " said he, "a burial urn To hold this youth on his return." The Boy took neither bow nor spear. Nor any other warlike gear. A basket, broom and tin dustpan Were carried by a serving man. THE BOY AND THE BASILISK 47 Two others carried on before A mirror large as any door. Thus they went forth along the way Frequented by this beast of prey. With mirror set and polished clear, The party waited in the rear. The Monster came ; they could not see, But hearing made them wish to flee. He blindly stumbled up before The mirror ; then he heard a roar ; He stopped ; his eyelids slowly raised ; His eyes, uncovered, fairly blazed ; He saw himself ; he winked — too late ! His mirrored glance had sealed his fate. A great black smoke, a flame, a boom, Some ashes swept up with a broom ! The fearsome Basilisk had died, Against his will, by suicide. His ashes occupied the urn Prepared against the Boy's return. And when the Boy grew up he chose The Princess for his bride and rose To occupy the throne in state When Basilisks were out of date. RETRIBUTION CUPID tired of the twang Of his bow-string said ; ' I will try a boomerang In the arrow's stead." Pliant to his cunning art Far the weapon whirled ; Touched a throbbing human heart ; Changed its little world. Boomerangs come back, and this Hit the careless elf ; lyO, into love's baleful bliss Cupid fell himself. WHY THE SEA IS SALT AN OLD STORY. Long ago the water was fresh that now is salt in the seven seas. ONCE on a time upon a moor There lived a man who grew so poor That though he toiled with all his might From early morn till late at night, He found it harder every every day To keep the hunger wolf away. One Christmas eve in deep despair He found the cupboards all were bare. His wife and children hungry-eyed Their dumb reproaches strove to hide ; But all in vain, their deep distress Caused him to groan in helplessness. All hopelessly he turned about To seek what fate might hand him out. His old godmother years ago Had helped him when his funds were low ; But she had been for many a day Godmothering so far away, That thoughtlessly she'd failed to heed This godson's present, direful need. But now by chance with beaming smile She met him e'er he'd gone a mile. 50 IVHV THE SEA IS SALT She said, " Come, shorten up your face ; The world's a very pleasant place ! " Alas, her cheer could not avail ; He told her all his woeful tale. She brought out from her ample cloak A side of bacon brown with smoke. And said, "Take this and keep on straight Until you reach an iron gate ; It is the gate of hell — repress Your tendency to nervousness. The Devil never would admit A man like you into the pit ; But with the bacon you can go Into the anteroom of woe. Now everybody knows full well That bacon's very scarce in hell ; And any of the Devil's kind Would sell his soul for bacon rind.* Just look behind the entrance door ; You'll see a mill upon the floor. Don't come away from there until You trade that bacon for the mill." * The critics here will stop and tell How devils haven't souls to sell. JVHV THE SEA IS SALT 51 And so it happened in detail ; The man's persistence did prevail ; He took the mill with him, while hell Was filled with frying bacon smell. The man's godmother made him stay A minute on his homeward way, That he might gain the needed skill To operate the magic mill. With hands above the mill outspread She bade him listen well and said : — " Grind, mill grind The thing that's in my mind ; Grind, mill grind." Round went the mill, a " coach and four " Stood ready with an open door. ' ' Stay, mill stay. No more I pray, Stay, mill stay." So said the dame ; and lo, the mill Stopped instantly and stood stock still. (Imagine how 'twould be today If she had let it grind away !) 52 WHY THE SEA IS SAL T The man turned round with thankful pride To ask the dame to have a ride ; But she had vanished ; with a thrill He lifted up the precious mill, Stepped in the coach and banged the door As if he'd done it oft before. (He took with grace, like you or me, An unaccustomed luxury.) He reached his home and bolted in ; The mill ground with a merry din, A table, chairs, and linen laid By butler and a serving maid ; A shining set of silver plate, And food and drink enough to sate A hungry family, and then — The mill was asked to grind again. 'Twas Christmas eve and all with glee Asked of the mill a Christmas tree. Then for each happy, weary head It ground a grateful downy bed ; And then, ah me, such restful sleep ! For sweet and pleasant dreams too deep. But one small daughter woke in fright, (I'm sure her supper wasn't light.) JVHV THE SEA IS SAL T 53 And while she lay there scared and still, She said the rhyme to start the mill. Now nightmares of most every kind Just then filled up her little mind. The mill began and from its spout Assorted nightmares galloped out. They kept on coming out until The father woke and stopped the mill. Alas, the nightmares still were there, Neighing and stamping everywhere. The man called on the mill to grind A driver of the nightmare kind ; And when one came he stopped the mill. The driver drove the nightmares till There wasn't one that you could find ; And as he followed on behind He cracked his whip with leathern thong And drove them back where they belong. So quiet was restored and then They all went back to sleep again. The next day saw a busy mill ; It ground a mansion on a hill. With all things else they could require To make the land of heart's desire. 54 JVHY THE SEA IS SALT Then, since the man was wise, behold, It ground the cellars full of gold. And then the mill was put away And never turned for many a day. A Captain of a freighting ship, Who sailed with salt, trip after trip. Heard of the magic mill ; said he, " I'd never have to sail the sea If I could get that mill, ah well, I'll ask the man if he will sell." " I'd never sell the mill," said he, " I'll give it to you willingly." The Captain scarce could trust his ears ; For he had had the gravest fears That mills like this would come so high That he could never hope to buy. In haste he took the mill away ; He feared that if he made delay The man might chance to change his mind. He'd learned the rhyme to make it grind. But his mad haste would not permit His learning how to make it quit. He reached the ship and sailed away ; And when they passed beyond the bay IVHV THE SEA IS SALT 55 He set the mill — the story's told — Where hatches opened to the hold. Then said the rhyme to make it grind While only salt was in his mind. The salt streamed forth, the Captain smiled ; Not very long was he beguiled ; The hold was filled up to the top ; The Captain told the mill to stop. It ground right on without a check ; The salt was piling on the deck. His sword in anger then he drew And cut the fiendish thing in two. Each half kept grinding more and more ; The salt came faster than before. It sank the ship and all were drowned ; But still the mill keeps turning 'round And grinding salt ; so that must be The way the salt came in the sea. OVERDONE TIME was old and on his way Slowly toiled ; it seemed the day Ne'er would end ; it seemed the Sun Crawled the course he used to run. But lyOve came, and when I showed How Time lagged, he took a goad, With its sharpened point of steel Touched old Time upon his heel. The laggard urged the tardy Sun And like a boy began to run. Stay, old Time, I pray thee stay ! Why this haste ? Why make the day All to short ? Why make the Sun Fly the course he used to run ? THE WEST WIND ^ I ^HE King and Queen of the Esquimaux Came forth from the royal palace to go On a ringing sledge with a great dog team 'Neath the clear still stars and the fitful gleam Of the northern lights, on a long night ride To the Pole and back, for the Queen was a bride. And this was their wedding tour, heigh-ho ! For the ride of the royal Esquimaux ! The King was proud and the Queen was fair, Though you wouldn't have known it had you been there ; For they wore white fur from top to toe. And you couldn't tell t'other from which although The King felt taller, though 'twas hard to see, While the Queen was taller — horizontally. At any rate when ready to ride The King couldn't reach round his royal bride. The dogs were eager, they set them free ; They flew over snow and the frozen sea ; And the breath of the dogs and the King and Queen I/ike little plumes in the cold so keen Turned to frosty flakes that twinkled bright. The rosy glow from the northern light Grew pale and wan in the snapping cold ; But the dogs raced on for the King was bold. 58 THE WEST WIND On the cold white earth, 'neath the cold, cold sky From the frozen sea to the glaciers high. There wasn't a living, breathing thing Save the racing dogs and the Queen and King. The cooling Queen, in esquimau, Said, " Dear, how far are we to go ? " The King's teeth chattered but he managed to say,. " I have vowed on this our wedding day To show my bride how the world turns 'round, And so, my dearest, we are bound For the cold north pole — ' ' I regret to say That she broke in here in a certain way That isn't confined, as some folks know. To the land of ice and the Esquimaux. " Of course " said she, " I'd love to go To the ends of the earth with you, but O, I would never dare to go in sight Of the old north pole on such a night." Now the King was young and the King was bold. And also newly married, behold ! He cracked his whip ; with right good will The dogs flew northward faster still. But though this was his wedding day, The King expected the Queen to say THE WEST WIND 59 A word or two of protest — no, Not a word was heard from her although Against her will she was hurried away ; So he turned — imagine his deep dismay, She was white and still and frozen, alack ! The King saw why she didn't talk back. Now whatever the King was, he wasn't slow ; He yelled the esquimau word for "whoa." They stopped and turned and the cracking whip Urged the dogs due south at a good round clip. Said the King, " O, Zephyrus, come and blow," (He was talking still in esquimau) ' ' Blow north ; I know that you like best To fan warm lands from the warm, far west. But just for once do come and blow And melt Jack Frost, my family foe ; And thaw my Queen, it's surely plain That a frozen Queen can't help me to reign ! " And Zephyrus heard and softly blew. And Jack Frost heard the sound and knew The time had come for him to flee ; And he fled far north to the frozen sea. The stars grew soft and the floating frost Was turned to mist, and the Queen had lost 6o THE WEST WIND Her death-like pallor ; a pink flush rose To her cheeks and — alas — to her little flat nose. Her eyelids fluttered and opened and then She began the unfinished discussion again. She looked at the King and said, "I'm bound That I never shall see how the world turns round." And she didn't. The King from that day forth When he took her to drive never dared to turn north. Alas, when they came to their palace of ice, They found it a puddle that didn't look nice ; For well-meaning Zephyrus just didn't know That enough is enough when they ask you to blow. So the King and Queen spent more than a year In a rented tent, while an engineer And an architect, at a very high price. Built a brand-new palace of brand-new ice. And there they lived and, as you'll foresee. Were just as happy as happy could be. But Zephyrus, as his wife fortold. Came home with a very serious cold ; And though he improved, yet even today, When he blows through a pine tree on his way, He wheezes asthmatically all the way through. Just listen some time and you'll find this true. THE NORTH WIND LONG years ago and far away, < One very sunny, summer day, In tropic lands, one special spot Was very, very, very hot. A King lay in the sweltering shade, While crowds of dusky slaves arrayed In almost nothing, tried to keep His Highness cool enough to sleep. Though fans were waved to stir the air. Though fountains tinkled everywhere, Though every noisy sound was stilled. Though sweet and cooling odors filled The air, though lulled was every sense. The King was far from somnolence. " Descend," said he, " O, drowsy god ; Vouchsafe at least to let me nod." His prayer was vain, the god 'twas clear, Was out or did not care to hear. In desperation then the King Called up a slave and bade him bring Young Boreas, a big, fat fool. And said, " Why don't you make it cool? 62 THE NORTH WIND Now Boreas knew of just one way To cool things off, for every day With mighty power of cheek and lung He blew his soup to save his tongue. And so responding to the King He 'gan to blow like anything. The sunshine paled, an icy chill Came over all, and plain and hill Were frosted white ; in sound repose The King slept ; what is more he froze. Still Boreas blew and blew until There was no sound except the shrill Sound of his blowing ; all in sight Was silenced by the frosty blight. He stopped, lo, all the land was dead ; In terror at his deed he fled, Nor stopped for flood nor stick nor stone Until he reached the arctic zone. And there he dwells ; alas, we know That he remembers how to blow. HOW IT HAPPENED A MIDST fair gardens long ago -^"-^ Beneath a changing sky, There stood a castle, while below A stream flowed slowly by. A goodly man of high degree Ivived with his lady there ; And time and fate had brought them three Fair sons with joy and care. These boys played by the river's rim ; Alas one autumn day It chanced while none was watching him The youngest son at play Fell in a deep and muddy pool ; The yells that did resound Would make it clear to any fool That someone might be drowned. The father grabbed a handy hook And ran his best ; before He reached the pool, the colored cook Had brought the boy to shore. The father held him downside up, And rolled him round and round ; He yelled— joy filled the father's cup — He couldn't yell if drowned. 64 HO W IT HAPPENED A joyful spanking, then a bath, Dry clothes ; when he came through, Though deeply stirred to rosy wrath, He seemed as good as new. The father pondered long — then sent A note to Zeus which said ; " In general the government Has had an honest head. But 'gainst one thing I now protest ; The waters everywhere In north and south and east and west Are left completely bare. ' ' Great Zeus had been in politics For years and years and years ; His term approached its close, and kicks Ivike this aroused his fears That reelection now might fail. He told Jack Frost to plan Whatever measure might avail To satisfy the man. And so Jack Frost invented ice, And spread it clear and thin Upon the waters ; this device Kept folks from falling in. HO W IT HAPPENED 65 Alas, he did not dare to go Far in the temperate zone ; The warm South Wind, his bitter foe, Might catch him there alone. And now when Spring comes back in May, With robins in her train. Jack Frost, the coward, flees away And waits for Winter's reign. The ice without his constant care, Grown thin and weak and brown, Runs off and leaves the water bare, And anyone may drown. THE FIRST MIST ONCE Hermes paused in arrowy flight And while he hovered to alight, Beheld a winsome mortal maid ; With other maids she danced and played ; They all were fair ; he thought this one The fairest thing beneath the sun. Then Hermes, like a golden gleam, Darted and dropped beside a stream ; He called up from the water clear A naiad ; in her dripping ear He whispered long and low, while she Nodded and chuckled pleasantly. She waved her hand ; he flew away ; A mist formed 'round the maids at play. Then flying Hermes did invade The thickening mist and kissed the maid, And flew reluctantly away With sighs and smiles ; (for many a day Olympian letters went astray.) The other maidens midst the mist, Where they stood silently unkissed. Saw nothing though they heard a sound Like rose leaves falling on the ground. The mist grew thin that had concealed The startled maid ; she stood revealed With conscious blush and just below A budding branch of mistletoe. And so the whole world came to know Of mist and maids and mistletoe. f£3 tQ i^^^ m 20 im One copy del. to Cat. Div. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS _ lilllllillllilll 018 393 574