V: 
 
 0* % '* 
 
 
 jp-n*. 
 
 
 
 .' /°- 
 
 jp-n*.. 
 
 

 »• ^-lo^ ">< 
 
 \5^-;/ v^y v"^\^' 
 
 
A90 
 
 ALMA MATER: 
 
 
 BY 
 
 CHARLES WILLIAM PEARSON, A.M., 
 
 Instructor in German in the Northzvestern University, 
 Evansto7i, Illinois. 
 
 If there's a hole in a' your coats 
 
 I rede you tent it : 
 
 A chield's amang you takin' notes 
 
 And, faith, he'll prent it. 
 
 — Bums. 
 
 GEO. W. MUIR, BOOKSELLER 
 
 EVANSTON, ILLINOIS, 
 1876. 
 
 ir 
 
r5 
 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1876, by 
 
 CHARLES WILLIAM PEARSON, 
 
 In tlie Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 
 
 INDEX PRINT, EVANSTON, ILL. 
 
DEDICATED 
 
 TO THE 
 
 Students of the Northwestern University, 
 
 AS A 
 
 Token of Regard and a Mark of Gratitude 
 
 FOR THEIR 
 
 UNVARYING COURTESY. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 >HERE are some who accord a readier belief to a statement 
 in prose than to a similar one in verse. A few words in 
 explanation of the following- pen-pictures may, therefore^ 
 be excused, or, possibly, looked for. 
 
 Those who are acquainted w4th the Alma Mater herein 
 described, will readily see that a faithful portraiture has not been 
 attempted in more than external details. 
 
 The actual, hard-working and balanced men of a College 
 Faculty do not lend themselves readily to the descriptions of the 
 satirist ; so that he is almost obliged to press into his pages any 
 traditionary or mythical characters with whom he may happen to 
 be acquainted, and to use any oddity that his own invention 
 may supply. 
 
 In some instances the Author has tried to draw the portrait 
 of a worthy friend, but he must confess that, as his antipathies are 
 to airy nothings only, so also some at least of his eulogies are^ 
 given to beings of the imagination. 
 
 It is also not denied that actual personages have suggested 
 
6 PREFACE. 
 
 some of the less favorable criticisms ; but, even in these cases, 
 there has been a studied endeavor to prevent any such resem- 
 blances between original and image as should permit any one to 
 feel that he was personally satirized. 
 
 For similar reasons there has been no attempt to construct a 
 plot or to introduce incident. 
 
 The Poem is a slow accumulation of musings originally made 
 without wider jourpose than the pleasure of their composition ; 
 and it is now given, at the suggestion of a few friends, to the 
 local jDublic in the hope that it may prove of interest to the 
 patrons and friends of the University, and of profit to the school 
 itself. 
 
 It is also a Valedictory, and without a w^ord of farew^ell I 
 should not have liked to turn my back upon the residence of 
 many years of hoj^e, profit and pleasant intercourse. 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
ALMA MATER. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 I sina; a school, which modest honor bears; 
 
 No gray and storied, stately seat of learning, 
 Where mediaeval Dons with solemn airs. 
 
 All modern hniovations proudly spurning, 
 Solely devote their pedagogic cares 
 
 To keeping ancient classic fires w^ell burning; 
 But a bright, pert, young, pushing Western School^ 
 Where new progressive principles bear rule. 
 
ALMA MATEB; 
 
 II. 
 
 Here are no crumbling aisle, no moss-grown tower, 
 No ancient wall with haedral parasite, 
 
 Nothing, which long has striven with the power 
 Of time, and shows the scars won in that fight; 
 
 But everything speaks of the present hour, 
 Brand new, utilitarian, fresh and bright; 
 
 No learned dust upon its visage pert. 
 
 But here and there a little modern dirt. 
 
 III. 
 
 No quaint and cool refectory, beneath 
 
 Whose tall and groined arch old monks have fed, 
 
 (Ignorant gluttons digging with their own teeth 
 
 The graves o'er which school boys now thoughtless tread). 
 
 With clustered columns round which you might wreathe 
 Strange legends of the centuries slow sped; 
 
 Repeopling the thick and heavy air 
 
 With those whose ghosts had seemed already there. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Yet some forms of the elder day are here : 
 In noble outline 'gainst the azure sky 
 
 The lofty spire and pinnacle appear 
 
 On mighty base to heaven uplifted high ; 
 
 So stately do the massy walls uprear 
 It is an education to pass by, 
 
 And daily drink in through the raptured sense 
 
 The monumental pile's mute eloquence. 
 
 A few miles from a stately city stood 
 
 The University — for such the name it bore — 
 
 Its halls half hidden in a grand old wood, 
 
 That crowned a ridore close borderino- the shore. 
 
 Learning ne'er had a sweeter solitude 
 
 Than this when Earth her summer garments wore. 
 
 And e'en when Winter stripped her almost bare 
 
 Some constant charms still fondly linger there. 
 
10 AZ3fA 31 ATE E; 
 
 VI. 
 
 The unsparing sky ne'er wore a sullen frown, 
 As though in wrath her winter rigors fell, 
 
 But ever with a cheerful eye looked clown. 
 As one that spareth not yet loveth well; 
 
 The oak's green dress would fade to serest brown, 
 Still, she was clad., as though to all to tell 
 
 Some little of the glories which the Spring 
 
 With its unchanging fashions soon will bring. 
 
 YII. 
 
 Old Michigan with all his myriad faces 
 
 Hath not one aspect which has not its charm. 
 
 Smiling sometimes with tiny dimpling graces. 
 
 Sometimes stretched league on league in glassy calm, 
 
 Bearing on his broad brow no lingering traces 
 Of troul)les past, but, like a pictured psalm. 
 
 Breathing still thankfulness and rest alone, 
 
 Like that untroubled sea before God's throne. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 11 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Sometimes the giant rises in his might, 
 
 x\nd lifts his deep-toned voice with angry roar, 
 
 And brandishes his surge as if to smite 
 Into contention the too patient shore; 
 
 Then wears his brow tlie sullen hue of night. 
 And vainly must the mariner implore 
 
 Tlie wrathful monarch to suspend the blows, 
 
 Whose shocks fill his frail l)arque with quivering throes. 
 
 IX. 
 
 Sometimes he sheaths his lusty limits in mail, 
 And stands like warrior girded for the hglit, 
 
 But meets no foe, and from his armor's scale 
 Throws nothing back l)ut the resplendent light; 
 
 But with the springing of a western gale 
 
 He doffs it, as though tired of playing knight. 
 
 And soon, perhaps, will let himself be seen 
 
 Clad lightly as a forester in green. 
 
12 AL3fA MATER; 
 
 When the Almighty giveth snow like wool 
 From out his northern treasury of frost, 
 
 He gathereth his icy bosom full 
 
 And in his sport heaps it upon the coast; 
 
 Beside his laboring hands he has no tool, 
 
 Yet one short night such giant ridge has tossed 
 
 As a proud army in a rolling year 
 
 With busy sjDade and mattock might not rear. 
 
 XL 
 
 And when his giant fellows sun and wind 
 Throw back upon his breast the snowy wall, 
 
 Its glittering fragments into groups combined, 
 Or standing lonely as fair islets tall. 
 
 To Greece's far yEgean bear the mind, 
 And its bright marble pinnacles recall; 
 
 As they as radiant, serene, and pure 
 
 But not as they for ages to endure. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 13 
 
 XII. 
 
 Sometimes he binds his liquid locks with gold 
 
 In rivalry of the resplendent sun, 
 Sometimes a band of silver we behold 
 
 By Cynthia for her aqueous lover spun, 
 Or wantoning with the sky he does unfold 
 
 Thousand bright charms for her to look upon, 
 But e'en celestial lovers will fall out 
 And your bright coquetry will end in pout. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 As for the other features of the site; 
 
 To guard the moral interests of the school, 
 To keep young men within the bounds of right, 
 
 And all hot brains as far as might be cool. 
 It was ordained by law that no one might 
 
 Sell potent liquors, or evade this rule 
 By any subterfuge, dodge, quirk or shift. 
 Or thin preposterous pretence of gift. 
 
14 ALMA MATEE; 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Fed on this moral milk, the baby grows 
 Exceedingly, outstripping every brother, 
 
 And scarce twelve years out of his swaddling clothes, 
 A lusty boy, his passion cannot smother 
 
 For a fair maiden, who, he thinks he knows. 
 Is not averse to be a wife and mother; 
 
 In bashful courtship was his suit disclosed, 
 
 And, being encouraged, he at length proposed. 
 
 XV. 
 
 To cast aside the figurative veil; 
 
 I mean to say, the University 
 Early admitted to its learned pale 
 
 A Woman's College, with a gallantry 
 Descending into every small detail. 
 
 And saying, in effect, we now agree 
 That equally the stern sex and the fair 
 Henceforth shall have our'pedagogic care. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LJST THE WEST. 15 
 
 XVI. 
 
 I really wish that I had wisely stayed 
 
 On the safe subject of the sterner sex: 
 No one can know how much I am afraid 
 
 Of ladies, they my Muse so much perplex; 
 But now I will ask ver}^ special aid 
 
 From Heaven that I say nothing that should vex: 
 ]\Iost fervently I wish it may comply, 
 For there is no man more gallant than I. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 But Woman comes in all her various forms; 
 
 Slim slips of girls enter the lowest door, 
 Bright, pert, young misses come in fluttering swarms, 
 
 Sedate, ambitious maidens by the score; 
 To guard all these from all contingent harms 
 
 And set a perfect pattern them before. 
 Grave and judicious dames in each degree 
 Of rank appear. Professor, Dean, Trustee. 
 
16 ALMA MATEB; 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 The sexes jostle now in learning's race; 
 
 Freshman no longer means a gawky boy, 
 But, half the time, a form of female grace, 
 
 Whose charms will cause her brother Freshman joy. 
 Or grief, or palpitation, and displace 
 
 The thoughts some learned page should then employ ; 
 But use will check his blood's impetuous rush. 
 And ere the year 's out he will cease to blush. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 For soon the fair young goddesses come down 
 From their tall pedestals amid the skies; 
 
 Their pearly skins grow rough and flecked and brown. 
 Smaller and much less lustrous their bright eyes; 
 
 Whether it is they've really homelier grown. 
 And paid their beauty's riches to l)e wise. 
 
 Or that no charms will bear too close inspection, 
 
 I leave to you to make your own election. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE'JN THE WEST. 17 
 
 XX. 
 
 Still, I may say, without a breach of charity. 
 There's no place like the clasi^-room to reveal 
 
 The temper's or the figure's angularity; 
 The very sweetest people can't conceal, 
 
 At times, the existence of a great disparity 
 Between the ways they do and ought to feel; 
 
 And while it is the teacher wakes their choler, 
 
 The one enlio-htened is the fellow scholar. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 Still woman's graces re-assert their sway; 
 
 If not an angel, she is very pretty. 
 And though awhile the boisterous Freshman may 
 
 Look on the sex with a half scornful pity, 
 And rather spend his leisure hours in I'tlay 
 
 Than writing to their charms a limping ditty, 
 A year or two will bring him back again, 
 And teach him patiently to bear his chain. 
 
18 AL3IA MATER; 
 
 XXII. 
 
 Matches are made in heaven and in mixed schools: 
 Tliough study doubtless makes young people sage, 
 
 And Thought's cold atmosphere Love's ardor cools, 
 Yet neither quite can conquer blood and age ; 
 
 However much the love of learning rules 
 
 The love of woman will some thought engage; 
 
 Sly Cu23id sage Minerva will outwit, 
 
 And though she shields, some shafts their mark will hit. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 The monitors were Misses Dragonfly, 
 
 Jerker and Goggle, Velvetpaw and Catch; 
 
 All chosen for their aptitude of eye. 
 And other qualities with this to nuitch: 
 
 I 1 ope they'll all live single till they die, 
 
 Both that there may be no more of the batch, 
 
 And, having marred the chances of some others, 
 
 'Tis hardly fair they should be wives and mothers. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 19 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 But one there was of all the maids the queen : 
 
 She was a woman in her outward show; 
 In her a maiden's airs and grace were seen. 
 
 Yet all her female frippery below, 
 Was a proud man-like heart, whieli would not lean 
 
 On any other, ])ut alone would g-o 
 To win its laurels in the field of life, 
 Backed l)v no husljand and, of course, no wife. 
 
 XXV 
 
 1 said of course, though with some hesitation; 
 
 To me the mind seems so much to outweigh 
 The body that the marital relation 
 
 Should rest on it alone. I know you'll say 
 What then becomes of future procreation? 
 
 " 1 will not answer that " l)ut merely lay 
 The view exj;ressed again upon your heart; 
 Of a grand reform-scheme it is a part. 
 
20 ALMA 31 ATE B; 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Which is in brief that henceforth mind to mind 
 Without regard to sex should meet in marriage; 
 
 Souls by affinity should be conjoined: 
 The present union I do not disparage; 
 
 Still it is sad that we so often hnd 
 
 That worse than civil war, domestic war rage; 
 
 All which would cease on the plan now proposed, 
 
 And all man's strifes forever be composed. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 'Tis a devoutly-to-be-wished-for consummation. 
 And, learned sisters of the Sorosis, 
 
 Or those of you at least in single station, 
 Pray take this view of matrimonial bliss; 
 
 No longer raise such mournful lamentation 
 Because a husband you have chanced to miss, 
 
 But pair among yourselves your single lives 
 
 And then you all will be most happy wives. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IX THE WEST. HI 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 But to the queen. Her fair and slender form 
 
 Held not alone a keen and active mind, 
 And a stout heart, that in a gathering- storm 
 
 If not delight, at least new strength would find: 
 If some might say, it was not large or warm. 
 
 At least none might be to its courage blind: 
 Hers was a soul of stout and soaring wing. 
 And should have dwelt within a warrior king;. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 But now alas 'twas doomed to compromise. 
 
 And oft to stoop when it Avould fain command, 
 
 To come in undirect and suppliant guise. 
 And bow itself to a superior's hand; 
 
 Her haughty woman's heart would oft uprise 
 In fierce rebellion 'gainst the ruling band; 
 
 Before their gathered presence she must quail, 
 
 JBut only to outwit them in detail. 
 
22 AZMA 3IATEB; 
 
 XXX. 
 
 She knew the foible of each dignitary, 
 
 And on which side his sightless eye was found: 
 
 And, if a plan, of hers had failed to carry. 
 She knew exactly how to take her ground: 
 
 Some she would coax, some bully, others worry, 
 But still to have her own way she was bound: 
 
 No woman better qualified than she 
 
 To tread the walks of high diplomacy. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 Another woman was ]\liss Sunnyface, 
 
 One of those wingless angels, who are made 
 
 To bless the world In' their unconscious grace, 
 And by their smile each ])etter purpose aid ; 
 
 The rubbing hand of time will ne'er erase 
 From the mind's tablet, till to dust decayed^ 
 
 Of any whom her presence ever blessed, * 
 
 The gentle image which she there impressed. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN^ THE WEST. 25 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 The University has some five score 
 
 Instructors in the variovis fields of knowledge, 
 
 Some twenty deal in ancient classic lore, 
 A like staff has the Scientific College, 
 
 Theology is stinted to but four, 
 
 Too small a number to grind well the dull edge 
 
 Of sensuous Reason to the tempered l^ladc 
 
 By which the triumphs of the Faith are made. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 Against the four who tell how moral ills 
 
 Can best be cured, must be placed tw^enty-five 
 
 AYho show the right ingredients of pills. 
 And how to kill your man or keej) alive; 
 
 While a small group the legal lore instils, 
 
 AYhich if well learned is the best way to thrive; 
 
 The others teach the showier parts of knowledge, 
 
 Music and so forth in the Woman's College. 
 
24 JL3IA MATER; 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 The President was Hercules Fearlack, 
 A man in the first fubiess of his years; 
 
 Few weights too heavy for that brawny back, 
 No form more royally than his uprears: 
 
 What strain can make his lusty sinews crack, 
 What borrows fill that iron heart with fears? 
 
 Yet is he more than brute magnificent, 
 
 For see what glory to his brow is lent! 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 Beneath that spacious dome what treasures dwell; 
 
 It is an arch like heaven and looks upon 
 Riches like those the teeming earth that swell 
 
 In lands, that lie beneath the tropic sun, 
 Luxuriance, that the tongue can scarcely tell, 
 
 A growth which doth beyond conception run; 
 Awed shall the traveller walk its splendors through, 
 Such varied forms colossal strike his view. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LN THE WEST. 25 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 That brain is like a lavish diamond mine 
 In which each earthy handful holds a gem 
 
 Of largest size and radiance divine: 
 So prodigal the wealth he has of them 
 
 That oft he lets no golden rim confine, 
 Or lapidary the base part condemn ; 
 
 Yet still each shows the splendor of the grain 
 
 Despite the unremoved disguising stain. 
 
 XXXYII. 
 
 The Reverend Dr. Sunshine, whose pure light 
 Made every Christian grace and virtue grow, 
 
 And quickened every torpid germ of right, 
 And melted even Prejudice's snow; 
 
 A character so lovely, true and white 
 
 That even Calumny would not dare throw 
 
 A shadow on it; for the vilest pay 
 
 Respect unto the purity of day. 
 
26 ALMA MATEU; 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 Unlike these was the Reverend Caudle Carp^ 
 For, "he was nothing if not critical;" 
 
 He heard false notes even from David's harp, 
 And saw faults in the righteous Daniel; 
 
 ;Man might not say a word he could not warp. 
 
 Or bear himself so little blamable, 
 - But he would catch him somehow on the hip, 
 
 And show where his high virtue made a trip. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 I can't pass by the Reverend Dr. Sleuth 
 Whose subtle intellect could wind its way 
 
 Through every labyrinth in the mine of truth: 
 Part an act single as a i)ure white ray 
 
 Into it's colored motives; in good sooth. 
 He could a flea, a flint or spirit flay 
 
 With utmost ease, and never cut the hide. 
 
 And things more diflicult if he much tried. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LK THE WEST, 27 
 
 XL. 
 
 And then there was Professor Suckingdove, 
 
 A gentleman as mild as melted butter, 
 Whose liquid words overflowed with purest love 
 
 Whenever speech devotional he'd utter; 
 His hand was softer than a lady's glove, 
 
 His voice was sweeter than a ringdove's mutter, 
 And yet his heart was colder than a stone; 
 The ihpst unfeelino; man I e'er have known. 
 
 XLI. 
 
 Another was the Reverend Dr. Muddle, 
 
 Versed in the most al)struse parts of Theology; 
 
 He'd pierced the depths of each profoundest puddle 
 From Sin Original to Egyptology; " 
 
 He could himself and every other fuddle. 
 
 In fact 'twas very wonderful the knowledge, he 
 
 Possessed and travailed with, but could not utter 
 
 But, when he tried, looked stupid and would splutter. 
 
28 AZMA MATEE; 
 
 XLIL 
 
 I must not pass by Alfred Grandurbane, 
 
 Who in the rude and democratic West, 
 Where dignity is held to be disdain, 
 
 And deference to mark a servile breast. 
 Still wore his courtesy without a stain, 
 
 And sjDeech and action, as his person, dressed 
 With grave decorum and a lofty grace, 
 Which charmed all hearts, yet made all know their place. 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 The Reverend Dr. Lavender also, 
 A neutral person of exact propriety. 
 
 Must not be quite omitted though I know 
 Scarce what to say about him ; no variety 
 
 Of conduct e'er gave triumph to a foe. 
 
 Or caused his relatives and friends anxiety; 
 
 As round and smooth as any billiard ball. 
 
 No man can get a grip on him at all.. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WE^T, 29 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 Here let me stop a moment to deplore 
 
 The sad propensity of human nature 
 With o^reater relish still to linger o'er 
 
 The mirth-provoking than the classic feature: 
 To Adam's fall is due the half or more 
 
 (3f this unkindness to a fellow creature, 
 It smote our erring, mortal hearts with blindness. 
 And slightly churned the milk of human kindness. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 But for this fact I should not write a line 
 
 ( )n any aspect of deformity. 
 But each should in the In-ightest colors shine 
 
 But what, I ask you, would the sequel be; 
 Each man thus flattered would pronounce it fine, 
 
 The book I mean, and bu}^ p'raps two or three, 
 But everybody else would say "pooh! pooh!" 
 A portrait's nothing worth unless 'tis true. 
 
30 AZ3fA 31 ATE B; 
 
 XLYI. 
 
 But the best man was brave old Dr. Lion, 
 A grand old warrior of the sacred cross, 
 
 A mighty leader of the hosts of Zion, 
 
 Who for his Lord held all things dung and dross; 
 
 The worthy veteran's pure zeal cried " fie " on 
 The day's time-serving: sad will be the loss 
 
 To Methodism when the mournful bier 
 
 Shall shroud the form of that old man sincere. 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 But now perhaps some feeble one may sneer. 
 He said just now there were but four of them. 
 
 And now already eight or nine appear: 
 
 The charge is silly, l)ut that none condemn, 
 
 Or say with justice, I a hairbreadth veer 
 
 From truth, which is my coronet's chief gem, 
 
 I will explain that, when one four were dead, 
 
 Another four came on the stao-e instead. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 31 
 
 XLVIII. 
 
 All paintings, dramas, epics need explaining, 
 And in no case than this is the need greater, 
 
 So pardon me, I pray, for not disdaining 
 A little to assist the commentator: 
 
 It has perhaps been noticed that the reigning 
 Title was Doctor; no exaggerater 
 
 Am I, they're in the Church as berries thick; 
 
 Perhaps it shows Divinity is sick. 
 
 XLIX. 
 Wisdom will house in a strange tenement: 
 
 I've known some men whom I was told were wise 
 And with the answer was of course content; 
 
 Still had I judged alone l)y my own eyes, 
 Or even by the information lent 
 
 To me in their most erudite replies, 
 I should have said were most egregious asses. 
 But then effrontery for wisdom passes. 
 
32 AL3fA 31 ATE R; 
 
 L. 
 
 A man like this was Windbag Brazencheek, 
 Who deemed himself Earth's very wisest man; 
 
 He could for hours on any subject speak, 
 Or at a glance its salient feature scan, 
 
 Yet still the great man's presence was but weak, 
 In fact it was not much more striking than 
 
 That of the ordinary run of fools. 
 
 Who ne'er have had the trainino- of the schools. 
 
 LI. 
 
 Professor Calf was neither last nor least. 
 
 And should be mentioned with becoming- awe; 
 
 He sought first West, then later in the East, 
 To satisfy his intellectual maw, 
 
 And then in Germany prolonged the feast: 
 
 From three great schools great learning he w^ould draw, 
 
 And having sucked three cows, as one may state. 
 
 He had become a calf exceeding great. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LN THE WEST. 33 
 
 LII. 
 
 Don Tonans Leo Asinus! how thrill 
 
 The chords of my poor lyre at thy great name: 
 Ye Muses, graciously your servant fill 
 
 With power to chronicle his worthy fame; 
 The theme surpasses far my lowly skill, 
 
 And might an angel's glowing numbers claim: 
 So glorious a numbskull, so divine 
 An ass should in the brightest colors shine. 
 
 LIII. 
 
 How he could bellow out a commonplace 
 As though it was a great discovery ! 
 
 Or argue with a Solomonic face 
 
 That one and one are one less than three; 
 
 Or raise about the very plainest case 
 
 So great a dust that not an eye might see 
 
 The substance of the matter when he'd done,- 
 
 With an hour's talk he could ol:)scure the sun. 
 
34 ALMA MATER; 
 
 LIV. 
 
 I swear by foam-born Venus, by Saint Peter, 
 By Jupiter, by thunder and by hail ! 
 
 By every oath known unto prose or metre ! 
 
 x\nd will swear till my powers of language fail, 
 
 No Institution e'er had a com2:)leter 
 
 Bungler and fumbler, at its head or tail, 
 
 Than this same ninny, nincompoop and noddy 
 
 This braying donkey in a human body. 
 
 LV. 
 
 Perhaps just now^ it may as well be said,. 
 To save me and my readers any bother. 
 
 That Calf and Asinus long since are fled, 
 
 And have not left here sister, son or brother; 
 
 And I may say, without a shade of dread 
 Of honest contradiction by another, 
 
 That those who now hold chairs within the College, 
 
 Are men of sterling sense and ample knowledge. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IX THE WEST, 35 
 
 LVI. 
 
 Who can forget shrewd Talon Eaglebeak? 
 
 As in serene complacency he sat, 
 His ordered plumage was so soft and sleek 
 
 He almost looked benevolent ])ut that 
 The piercing, restless eye would ever seek. 
 
 With a suspicious keenness, any fat 
 And unprotected fowl, whom luck might bring 
 Within the sudden swoop of his swift wing. 
 
 Lvn. 
 
 Old Sealingwax ne'er answered hastily. 
 But whatsoe'er the question would delay 
 
 To give it his more careful scrutiny: — 
 It is recorded of him that one day 
 
 His little son asked in simplicity, 
 
 " Father, why is it lawyers never pray ? " 
 
 And was a most astonished little gaper 
 
 On being required to " put his thought on paper. 
 
3G AZJfA MATEB; 
 
 LVIII. 
 
 Sawbones and Bleedem, Blister, Overdose, 
 Barnacle, Purseleech, Quack and Coffinfill 
 
 Display not here their methods crude and gross. 
 Nor the too comminuted little pill 
 
 May with its smiling* nothingness impose 
 On all but the disease, which works its will, 
 
 Unsoothed by the wee mite of flattery. 
 
 Which p'r'aps the hungry monster does not see. 
 
 LIX. 
 
 Another teacher was Professor Donne, 
 A courteous gentleman, exceeding nice 
 
 In manners, morals, speech and person; one 
 Such as few men may ever look on twice; 
 
 He knew whatever had been written on. 
 Or by, his authors, in a way precise; 
 
 His every sentence was both round and clear. 
 
 And satisfied at once the mind and ear. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE IN THE WEST. ST 
 
 LX. 
 
 Prof. Toughy was the Mathematicus 
 
 And was himself of geometric figure: 
 That is, his frame was very globulous, 
 
 Or rather in two spheres, one small one bigger: 
 This sun and moon were both mordacious, 
 
 xVnd treated new arrivals with much rigor: 
 The mathematics, both pure and applied. 
 He knew quite well and many things beside. 
 
 LXI. 
 
 Here Gottlieb Grossbauch, Teuton huge, imbarted 
 Insdrucktion in the Sherrman tongue with batience^ 
 
 And as success's secret atfoghated 
 
 Pairseestent stoody upon all occasions: 
 
 A fine old fellow, hale and simple hearted, 
 With a huge appetite for German rations, 
 
 On Wurst und Pretzels, Kraut und Speck and Bier 
 
 He lived contentedly throughout the year. 
 
38 ALMA 3fATEB; 
 
 LXII. 
 
 He stroked his beard, and winked his humid eyes, 
 And pondered cahnly on the Infinite; 
 
 He walked but little owing to his size, 
 But let his soul instead, in airy flight. 
 
 On cloudy pinions from his pipe arise. 
 And soar into the empyrean height. 
 
 Or he would " go into himself " and sound 
 
 His consciousness's aw^ful depths profound. 
 
 LXHI. 
 
 Monsieur Leconte Louis Philippe Souchez, 
 " Dreeven from Paree by ze Emperoar," 
 
 Taught in his exile ze belle speech francaise 
 For livelihood on our despised shore; 
 
 A sallow^ shadow, frizzed, perfumed, bouquet 
 In breast, he conned his dainty person o'er 
 
 More than his mind or books, and scarce could smother 
 
 Contempt for his barl^arian German l^rother. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST, 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 But Grossbauch heeded not " der leedle schap," 
 
 As, once upon extremest provocation, 
 He termed his worthy colleague, not a rap, 
 
 And held in silent scorn the whole "grand nation;' 
 He could have eaten up the human scrap, 
 
 And, being secured by weight from molestation, 
 He let the fragile Frenchman idly vapour. 
 And daily beat the Germans upon paper. 
 
 LXV. 
 
 This Pair the Prex viewed w4th especial pride 
 
 As genuine articles, and giving tone; 
 They were men duly competent beside. 
 
 But this was, doubtless, of itself alone 
 Sufficient, for it cannot be denied 
 
 Their telling names attracted many a one, 
 And their unquestionably foreign air 
 Impressed them deeply, when they once came there. 
 
 3^ 
 
40 AZ3fA MATER; 
 
 LXYI. 
 
 Embodiment of their respective lands, 
 
 Great object-lessons, teaching by their presence, 
 
 The enterprise our sympathy commands, 
 Which learning's difficulty so much lessens, 
 
 And puts, as we may say, within our hands 
 A foreign race and lano-uag-e in an essence: 
 
 And this to do the Prex had picked with care 
 
 This typical but inharmonious pair. 
 
 LXYII. 
 
 History was taught by a Diplomatist 
 Of due experience in negotiation. 
 
 He knew how to present a subject's gist. 
 And all the ins and outs of arbitration, 
 
 And was a proper man to train the list 
 Of young aspirants for politic station 
 
 On whatsoever prize their minds were bent, 
 
 And some were studying to be President. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE IN THE WEST. 41 
 
 LXVIII. 
 
 Professor Teembright had the ample field 
 
 Of English Literature from early times 
 Unto our day, and skillfully revealed 
 
 The hidden beauties in all prose and rhymes; 
 No man than he could also better wield 
 
 The critic's rod, or punish for their crimes 
 The murderers of our mother tongue or others. 
 Which stand to her as sisters or as brothers. 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 I greatly wish his rod had had more fatal 
 Effect, and killed of poets at least a score, 
 
 Or that some spirit in their moment natal 
 
 Had borne them to some other planet's shore: 
 
 But this will never do; we must not hate all 
 We cannot love, so I will say no more, 
 
 And doubtless, it is true that even Tupper 
 
 Has been at times on Pegasus's crupjoer. 
 
42 AZ3IA 31 ATE R; 
 
 LXX. 
 
 All poetry is clearer inward sight; 
 
 The outward body is for other men, 
 And many men enjoy the poet's delight, 
 
 Who cannot yield the poet's magic pen, 
 And oft the fault is in the reader quite. 
 
 Who has no answering symphony of brain. 
 And should confine himself to reading prose 
 As being more on a par with wdiat he knows. 
 
 LXXI. 
 
 Old Equity was the Presiding Judge, 
 As good a man as ever breathed the air; 
 
 No " nice, sharp quillet of the law " could fudge 
 His kind, clear sense of what was just and fair; 
 
 No clamorous advocate or mob could budge 
 Him from his sense of lionor by a hair; 
 
 He tried each case as one who did not dare 
 
 To meet false judgment at the final bar. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 43 
 
 LXXII. 
 
 Professor Optimus System was one 
 
 Beneath whose eye all things to order grew; 
 
 Whatever thing- it was he touched upon 
 Its every trivial detail he knew: 
 
 Well was he tempered for a College Don, 
 
 His even mind no various moods ran through, 
 
 Steady in him burned the instructor's fire, 
 
 Steady the flame of thought he did inspire. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 
 Professor Visegrip held his every man. 
 
 And pressed some knowledge through the thickest skull; 
 He seemed to have a most mysterious plan 
 
 Of brightening up a youth however dull: 
 Poor fellows, who elsewhere were under ban. 
 
 Were glad to get beneath his rigid rule. 
 For his inspiring, yet imperious, word 
 Each sluggish purpose into action stirred. 
 
44 AZMA MATER; 
 
 LXXIY. 
 
 Professor Deluge opened wide his mouth, 
 
 And poured forth streams of what men ought to know; 
 Unheeding if there was or was not drouth 
 
 The rivers of his eloquence do flow 
 As flow the torrents in the sunny South 
 
 When early summer melts the mountain snow; 
 If that you wanted water there it was, 
 If not the torrent was content to pass. 
 
 LXXV. 
 
 But time would fail me should I speak of all. 
 
 Of Cornstock, Dullboy, Fidgetty and Merry, 
 Of Solid, Puffy, Taciturn and Bawl, 
 
 Besides it would the reader's patience worry, 
 So all the rest in this one stanza small 
 
 In dull oblivion quietly I'll bury; 
 Yet stop — that they remain not quite incog.. 
 
 Consult, I pray you, the new catalogue. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 45 
 
 LXXVI. 
 
 But there is one I cannot thus pass by, 
 
 The prince of artists and king of good men; 
 
 In all the College none stood quite so high; 
 His worthy like I ne'er shall see again, 
 
 He ruled your humor, made you laugh or sigh 
 Just as he spoke in sad or mirthful strain: 
 
 Rob. Roscius, how many a weary hour 
 
 Hast thou beguiled by thy magic power! 
 
 LXXVII. 
 
 "Fight not too often the same enemy," 
 
 Said Bonaparte, he'll learn your art of war, 
 
 And soon will play your game so skillfulh' 
 As all your further victory to bar: 
 
 Teach not too long the same young minds, say I, 
 If you would hold your glory at its par; 
 
 All men are shallow, e'en profoundest sages 
 
 Are not unfathomable personages. 
 
46 AZMA 3IATER; 
 
 LXXVIII. 
 
 The students mostly were good, sound material, 
 Industrious, resolute and bent on learning 
 
 Substantial knowledo*e; vao;aries ethereal 
 Of art and poetry with justice spurning: 
 
 Their calling mainly was the ministerial; 
 
 Their lamps were always trimmed and l^rightly burning; 
 
 (3f wicked college plots they were no spinners, 
 
 But minded well their orisons and dinners. 
 
 LXXIX. 
 
 Among these who profanely were called " Bibs," 
 
 Politely, students in the Institute 
 Of Learning Biblical, the usual tribes 
 
 Of the race Methodist ydu might compute; 
 Some whom their schoolmates' memory inscribes 
 
 (O, that some angel now would string my lute!) 
 Among the noblest of the sons of men. 
 Simple and grand, brave, yet without a stain. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LN THE WEST. 47 
 
 LXXX. 
 
 As pure a soul as ever breathed the air, 
 
 As gentle as a lily, and as white, 
 Walking through life so blameless and so fair, 
 
 Shedding o'er all such soft and tender light. 
 Ready the load of every man to share. 
 
 Or make his gladdest hour more richly bright. 
 Wast thou, dear Joseph, and may God e'er bless, 
 And crown thy life with every happiness. 
 
 LXXXI. 
 
 There was another of a soul intense. 
 Fit only for extreme of good or ill. 
 
 Rich with a dower of rarest eloquence. 
 And energy of overcoming will: 
 
 Dead, almost, to the things of time and sense. 
 He would for hours in wrestling fervors kneel: 
 
 He ruled his every act by rigid law. 
 
 Apart, austere, inspiring almost awe. 
 
48 ALJIA MATER; 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 Stephen was shaped in Nature's sternest mould, 
 And all the weight of circumstance defied; 
 
 Firm as a rock and warm as it is cold, 
 
 Prompt to do good or praise, and slow to chide. 
 
 Uncompromising, as the martyr bold, 
 
 With simple faith believing God would guide. 
 
 He gave himself with single heart and hand 
 
 To do whate'er his Savior might command. 
 
 LXXXIII. 
 
 Rough on the surface, at the heart so mild. 
 So brave and strong, so tender and so true, 
 
 Wise as a man, and honest as a child, 
 Going simply on the duty next to do, 
 
 Stooping to all, yet with none's sin defiled. 
 Earth on her bosom broad holdeth but few 
 
 Sons, who may make her motherheart so swell 
 
 With honest pride, as he of whom I tell. 
 
COLLEGE LLFE LN THE WEST. 49 
 
 LXXXIY. 
 
 When the Rebellion raised its threatening arm 
 To strike his country, low before the Lord 
 
 He laid himself, and then uprising calm, 
 He girt upon his thigh the warrior's sword; 
 
 No eager battle cry, a trustful psalm 
 
 He stayed on when the storm around him roared, 
 
 And 'twas such men as he that won the fight, 
 
 Steadfast and strong. Embodiments of Right. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 To strike against the Right is but to dash 
 The bleeding hand against the adamant. 
 
 And rend the tender flesh with useless gash, 
 And bruised recoil from the blow arrogant; 
 
 Before that calm and healthful strength must gnash 
 His teeth the Wrong in anger impotent; 
 
 With fevered valor Passion strikes his foe, 
 
 But himself only suffero from his blow. 
 
50 ALMA MATER; 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 
 The trampled Right may suffer from the Strong, 
 But 'neath the mailed heel it cannot die, 
 
 But will recover from its wounds erelong. 
 For it alone hath immortality; 
 
 Men may enthrone awhile the Monster Wroncr, 
 But He shall laugh that sitteth in the sky 
 
 At the vain effort e'er to gird with power 
 
 The feeble arm, that dureth but an hour. 
 
 LXXXVII. 
 
 Others were not unlike these three in kind. 
 But differed from them only in deg-ree: 
 
 While few were of the largest mould of mind, 
 The most were men of good al^ility. 
 
 Often with a stout heart and purpose joined 
 From which one might make happy augur}^; 
 
 A few were maudlin sentimentalists. 
 
 And others only half- fledged pietists. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IK THE WEST. 51 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 
 It is a sight to see a strong-limbed man 
 
 Girding himself for life's oncoming fight, 
 To see him curiously the weapons scan 
 
 By which past heroes wrought their deeds of might, 
 To see the doubtful sense of what he can 
 
 Break by degrees on his confused sight. 
 To mark liim learn how helpless is the soul. 
 Unless a trusty blade it may control. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 Blind Vah)r and Brute Force but little may; 
 
 With fiejy zeal they rush upon the foe, 
 But wary Skill and practised Strength soon lay 
 
 The boastful pair ingloriously low; 
 Smiling Adroitness wins his conquering way 
 
 Where blundering Violence can never go: 
 Make strong your hands who would o'er much be lord, 
 And in them wield Learning's well-tempered sword. 
 
52 AZ3IA MATER ; 
 
 XC. 
 
 How circumscribed and dark his little round 
 Who walks not in the. lights of many days! 
 
 How little of the hidden path is found 
 
 By one poor seeker's most persistent ga/e! 
 
 The gleam from many a torch must shine around 
 Till their united fires may make a blaze, 
 
 Which our dim, single ignorance shall light. 
 
 And guide us through our life's perplexed night. 
 
 XCI. 
 
 Man of the moment, subject is and poor; 
 
 But, heir to all the heritage of Time, 
 How vast the sovereignty he may secure? 
 
 How high his throne of dignity sublime! 
 Arrayed in all the rich investiture, 
 
 The royal robe of thought, which every clime 
 Has helped to weave to deck his regal limb, 
 He sits, and all past monarchs bow to him. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 55 
 
 XCII. 
 
 Full many a joy the teacher's lot doth know, 
 Who loveth knowledge and loves to impart: 
 
 To see the bright, young eye with pleasure glow. 
 To watch the eager fancy forward dart: 
 
 All growth is joyous, but naught else doth grow 
 With such rare blossom as the human heart. 
 
 And it is joy to train the gorgeous flower. 
 
 And mark its ripening beauties every hour. 
 
 XCIII. 
 
 When elder years bring deeper sense of care. 
 When life grows very real and fancy dies. 
 
 When thoughtful brows the mind intent declare. 
 And pensive musings dream within the eyes. 
 
 When the deep, questioning soul stands waiting there. 
 Quick to discern and read}' well to prize, 
 
 What inspiration doth the teacher feel! 
 
 His best thoughts then how glad Jbe would reveal 1 
 
54 AZMA MATER; 
 
 XCIV. 
 
 Who, that has worshi])ped at fair Truth's bright shrine. 
 Who, that has seen her inner glory's ray. 
 
 Finds not his highest joy to let it shine 
 
 In such weak, borrowed brightness as it may 
 
 Again through him that thus the thrill divine 
 i^nother heart may into rapture sway? 
 
 High is the joy the vision to receive. 
 
 But higher far the sight again to give! 
 
 XCV. 
 
 But our weak eyes may not long view the sun, 
 Our nerves unstrung not long a rapture feel, 
 
 Not long in Thought's free air our souls may run, 
 Not long in high devotion may we kneel; 
 
 The supreme moments are but rarely won, 
 Broken but seldom is the heavy seal. 
 
 The massive stamp of general acceptation, 
 
 To take into the soul new revelation. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 55 
 
 XCYI. 
 
 Mostly we find our food in formula?, 
 
 The shriveled husks in which once lay the wheat, 
 These glean we from all garners carefully, 
 
 We dress with pains and g-reedily we eat, 
 But still it is a useless gluttony. 
 
 Our souls thrive not upon the treasured meat; 
 The juicy kernel must l)e newly grown 
 To yield the loaf, that turns to blood and bone. 
 
 XCVII. 
 
 Our erring reverence misses oft its aim, 
 
 We build the prophet's tomlj, forget his cry, 
 
 We heap all honors on the mighty name. 
 
 Nor feel the truth for which he bowed to die. 
 
 We put the spirit of the law to shame 
 
 While most we wave the blazing letter high; 
 
 As dies away religion's purer fire, 
 
 The loftier climbs the superstitious spire. 
 
56 AL3IA 31 ATE R; 
 
 XCVIII. 
 
 As fares the prophet, fare the poet and sage: 
 The seer's pure spirit in the priest grows gross. 
 
 The pedant coldly mars the fairest page, 
 And overlays it with his soulless gloss; 
 
 The purblind critic heaps from age to age 
 About all gold his sordid bulk of dross; 
 
 Dully our fathers' eloquence we stammer, 
 
 And harden all their poetry to grammar. 
 
 XCIX. 
 
 Full soon the embryo pedant of the school 
 Begins to ape the fuller-feathered owl; 
 
 He learns to square his every thought by rule. 
 To know just when to laugh and how to scowl; 
 
 He soon becomes a model little fool, 
 
 And like the elder boobies skilled to prowl 
 
 Around all platters for the broken meat, 
 
 The only nourishment he likes to eat. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST, 57 
 
 C. 
 
 A Doric accent in Demosthenes, 
 
 A zeugma violens in Cicero, 
 A contradiction in Mreonides, 
 
 Cfesurje barring Virgil's liquid flow; 
 On such like trifles with what joy they seize 
 
 And with what rapture as great trophies show: 
 They strain for specks their microscopic eyes, 
 Nor see the starry glory of the skies. 
 
 CI. 
 
 The school did all its work with zeal and care, 
 And, if at all it failed, at least it hewed 
 
 Its human timber solidly and square, 
 
 And made them social pillars stout and good: 
 
 It fashioned men to stand life's wear and tear, 
 And taught them how to gain a livelihood; 
 
 It made a vigorous and helpful race. 
 
 And filled an honored and a useful place. 
 
58 ALMA MATER ; 
 
 CII. 
 
 It was of good, sound scholarship the source, 
 A very pleasant and sweet- watered fount; 
 
 Its floods went forth with gentle, constant force. 
 Blessing the thirsty plains beside the mount; 
 
 North, South, East, West streams took their kindly course, 
 And ministered to many a traveler's want: 
 
 Not Cam or Isis, but a humbler flood, 
 
 Yet doino; in its flow no little o^ood. 
 
 cm. 
 
 Such was the school as I remember it 
 In my hot boyhood many years ago; 
 
 Perhaps the forms, that through my memory flit, 
 Son e shading from the hand of Time may show; 
 
 But this I know, that nothing I have writ 
 Is said with any feeling of a foe. 
 
 But with the hope to serve the home of years, 
 
 Which many a joyous friendship still endears. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST, 5SI 
 
 CIV. 
 
 Seek not " a habitation and a name " 
 
 For all the shapes of fancy here expressed; 
 
 It is the poet's prerogative to dream 
 And with a form ideal to invest: 
 
 Even the things most real blend with the stream 
 Of visionary thoughts, and must be dressed 
 
 In garb like theirs, and so it comes at last 
 
 Transfiguration on them all has passed. 
 
 C\. 
 
 I write for money, some may write for fame; 
 
 But fame is paltry when compared to cash; 
 Although 'tis doubtless nice, a living flame, 
 
 Across the astonished firmament to flash, 
 To hear the thunder syllable one's name. 
 
 And note the echoes of its pealing crash, 
 Still, to my mind, for satisfying wages. 
 Riches in this, not fame in future ages. 
 
60 AZ3IA MATER; 
 
 CVI. 
 
 For each one writes for what he needeth most: 
 
 I have a goodly local reputation, 
 And so just now I write for buttered toast, 
 
 Or bread and butter, sans more explanation, 
 You understand that I am of the host 
 
 Of those, who, in this most enlightened nation,. 
 Write to increase the general precocity. 
 Goaded and spurred by impecuniosity. 
 
 CVII. 
 
 Nay! Nay! I will not do myself the wrong- 
 To say naught higher jDrompts my lightest strain 
 
 Why doth the songbird pour his unpaid song? 
 Because to keep it back would be a pain: 
 
 Not any baser gift than may belong. 
 
 The joy it gives me is my greatest gain; 
 
 All highest things are priceless: he's no bard 
 
 To whom sw^eet Poesy's self is not reward. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE LX THE WEST. 61 
 
 CVIII. 
 
 Why did I say the opposite just now? 
 
 In the mere wilfulness of having speech; 
 And, that I may to all my readers show 
 
 The thing in its true light, and fitly teach 
 A moral lesson ere I let you go, 
 
 I'll end this canto with a little preach: 
 (I should say sermon, not by rhyme perplexed,) 
 And take a verse from David as a text. 
 
 CIX. 
 
 "All men are liars," said David in his haste; 
 
 Nearly all men, said he, upon reflection; 
 But then it almost seems of time a waste 
 
 To stop to make so trifling a correction: 
 All after ages much more faith have placed 
 
 In his first judgment on Man's predilection 
 To let his vile, unruly tongue trangress, 
 And what he knows as false as true profess. 
 
62 AZMA 3IATEB; 
 
 ex. 
 
 Of Turks and Pagans, Infidels and Greeks, 
 Of Papists and of unregenerate men. 
 
 Each thoughtful, well-instructed Christian speaks 
 With great solicitude and no small pain: 
 
 Their wicked tongues within their wicked cheeks 
 They seldom for a waking hour retain. 
 
 And when they speak 'tis not to edify, 
 
 But with a sad and sinful levity. 
 
 CXI. 
 
 All men are liars, aye, and even tailors, 
 Mere fragments of mankind lie horribly; 
 
 Soldiers will lie in camp and sturdy sailors 
 Lie oft in port when they should be at sea; 
 
 All women are on other women railers. 
 
 And lie much as they sit and drink their tea; 
 
 All tradesmen lie in almost all they utter. 
 
 And babies lie (in arms) with feeble mutter. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IX THE WEST. 63 
 
 CXII. 
 
 Even a deaf mute is a walking lie, 
 
 An incarnated falsehood, a vile cheat, 
 A gross impostor, uttering by his eye. 
 
 About and for his silent tognue deceit: 
 In fact you may thresh all humanity. 
 
 And from the whole vast field of carnal wheat, 
 You shall not find a single ear quite free 
 From this vile blight and smut, mendacity. 
 
 CXIII. 
 
 I do not stop to say that lawers lie, 
 
 I don't insult you with bald commonplaces, 
 Or pause on the mendacious flattery 
 
 Of painters when they make their fellow's faces 
 And must pass with this mention and a sigh 
 
 The lying, which all politics disgraces; 
 But the great moral purpose of this book 
 
 Bids me not lying clerical o'erlook. 
 
64 ALMA MATER; 
 
 CXIV. 
 
 Men lie from very mixed and various reasons, 
 But mostly to attain some selfish end, 
 
 Hoping, in some way by their wretched treasons, 
 Poor prospects or a damaged fame to mend; 
 
 But preachers lie with vigor at all seasons, 
 Not for defense, or fees, or wares to vend, 
 
 But from a motive which seems very odd. 
 
 Solely to bring more glory unto God. 
 
 cxv. 
 
 If hasty, random, unconsidered speech. 
 
 If wild and sweeping generalities. 
 If, as most solemn verities, to teach, 
 
 Things which are known to rest on mere surmise. 
 If to distort, supjDress and overreach, 
 
 Be any of the various forms of lies, 
 I do pronounce that preachers are great sinners. 
 
 And more especially the young beginners. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IX THE WEST. 65 
 
 CXVI. 
 
 Youno- man, if in this wicked world you'd rise, 
 
 And, more especially, young clergyman. 
 Observe the precept, never to be wise 
 
 Above your neighbors, but, whene'er you scan 
 In any brother evil heresies 
 
 Declare them faithfully, for thus you can 
 Alone the wanderer from his sins convert. 
 Or stoj) his influence from doing hurt. 
 
 CXVII. 
 
 Avoid extremes; above all, never jest. 
 
 And, should another do so, slightly frown. 
 
 Or, p'r'aps, to smile serenely is the best 
 Way on this foolish trifling to look doAvn; 
 
 In an assembly wait to hear the rest 
 
 Before expressing judgments of your own; 
 
 Wear spectacles, and be deliberate, 
 
 And often seem to deeply meditate. 
 
6C AZMA MATER; 
 
 CXVIII. 
 
 Grow flesh, and wear your garments plainly cut, 
 
 And of a sober hue but texture line; 
 Always the right name to the right man put, 
 
 And when one talks about himself, incline 
 Your ear to him, and keep your own mouth shut, 
 
 And if one gives you eight good words, give nine 
 Of flattery in return, and, when he bows, 
 Bow one inch lower, if your back allows. 
 
 CXIX. 
 
 If thou at last wouldst dwell in Paradise 
 Above all things must thy belief be true; 
 
 Thou must distinguish in a way precise 
 The orthodox from the enoiieous view; 
 
 Anthropomorphism must not entice; 
 
 Thou must Monophysis with care eschew; 
 
 Hold doubt of three Hypostases in terror, 
 
 Aiid shun the deadly homoiousian_error. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST, 67 
 
 CXX. 
 
 Thou must not hold the idle synergistic 
 
 View of salvation from the might of sin, 
 Thou shalt not be Pelagian nor mystic, 
 
 But shalt believe, with great Saint Augustine, - 
 Regeneration is all theopneustic. 
 
 For by the Church it has proclaimed been. 
 Whose views are here false or homonymous 
 Must dwell for aye with fiends fuliginous. 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 But I'm not sure that those, who swallow straight 
 The compound orthodox are more confiding. 
 
 Than are the devotees of Chance or Fate, 
 
 Whose well-known modesty in others chiding 
 
 Needs no comment; I will naught further state 
 Except, without apology or hiding. 
 
 That in the creed of these our modern days is 
 
 Credulity the thing that most amazes. 
 
68 AZMA MATER; 
 
 CXXII. 
 
 Thru shalf believe in Darwin, Spencer, Mill; 
 
 Thou shalt not set up Moses, Paul, or Jesus; 
 When they have spoken thou shalt then be still, 
 
 Nor with the statements of the latter tease us: 
 Thou shalt in all things live as thou may'st will, 
 
 Except, thou shalt not to thy hurt displease us 
 By doubting that the above amended trinity 
 Is an infallible and great divinity. 
 
 CXXIII. 
 
 There are some advocates of tolerance. 
 
 Who gobble up with greed each blank negation, 
 
 Each dream of Germany, and sneer of France, 
 Each inchoate and idle speculation. 
 
 Which dubbing " science " with more arrogance 
 Than e'er appeared in Papal fulmination. 
 
 They scorn and scout the great simplicity 
 
 Of those whose views do not with theirs agree. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. Q9 
 
 CXXIV. 
 
 Whene'er I meet one of these gentlemen 
 
 He shocks me so that I at once go home, 
 And read a while in Butler (Joe not Ben), 
 
 Pearson or Hooker, any standard tome. 
 From these or any other learned pen. 
 
 Which sets forth from the Church we should not roam. 
 And yet when their best arguments I've viewed 'em 
 " Incertior sum," I say " multo quam dudum." 
 
 cxxv. 
 
 Good ladies all and gentlemen, I pray. 
 Take not amiss my idle, jocund strain; 
 
 No touch of malice is in aught I say, 
 Nor wish to give a fellow any pain; 
 
 Mere ghostly nothings flitting in my way 
 With my pen-pointed dagger have I slain. 
 
 Grim ghouls and monstrous ogres bleeding lie, 
 
 -Spectres and grizzly goblins routed fly. 
 
70 AL3IA 31 ATE B; 
 
 CXXVI 
 
 But harm to honest flesh and blood is none; 
 
 My tender-hearted Muse shrinks back from blood, 
 Her dainty ears could not endure a groan, 
 
 Nor her slight limbs the shock of warfare rude, 
 And so she fights 'gainst airy shapes alone, 
 
 'Gainst phantom foemen easily subdued, 
 And now she gives to all a notice fair 
 Stand from before wdiile waves her sword in air. 
 
 CXXVII. 
 
 For if you're in the way you may get hurt, 
 Not by design but through pure accident; 
 
 No wise man ever flaunts a crimson shirt 
 Before a bull of peacefullest intent; 
 
 Some provocations are of such a sort 
 
 As quite to turn a purpose from its bent; 
 
 Who can refrain from hitting at a fair 
 
 A large, round head if temptingly laid bare? 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST, 71 
 
 CXXVIII. 
 
 Should any say this poem as a whole 
 Is inconsistent and doth not agree, 
 
 I say that higher unities control 
 And blend together its diversity; 
 
 And should he still go groping like a mole 
 And saying stupidly this fault I see, 
 
 At once, I tell him roundly that he lies. 
 
 And, further, bless his microscopic eyes. 
 
 CXXIX. 
 
 My flickering fancy like a leaping flame 
 An odd, distorted image oft has made; 
 
 By her weird light a good and shapely frame 
 Casts but a hunchbacked and misshapen shade; 
 
 All metaphors and images are lame 
 
 But, if at all my meaning is conveyed. 
 
 It is that these poor pictures of my pen 
 
 Are those of normal and of worthv men. 
 
72 AZ3fA MATER; 
 
 CXXX. 
 
 I am a man of peace, averse to fighting, 
 I like to see all men abide in unity, 
 
 I greatly disapprove of snarls and biting. 
 
 Or aught that mars the good of a community. 
 
 And so I have been careful in inditing 
 
 That I might give to none the opportunity 
 
 Of discontent, or shadow of aversion 
 
 At the form o-uarded of all mv assertion. 
 
 CXXXI. 
 
 But there are men unreasonable, base, 
 Ihcredulous, ungrateful, ne'er content, 
 
 "Who may persist that this is not the case 
 But that there is of this some evil meant; 
 
 If it will but restore me to then- grace, 
 Or seem to have at all a useful bent, 
 
 I shall regard it as my proper mission 
 
 To publish a notated, new edition. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 73 
 
 CXXXII. 
 
 Perhaps I also may extend the tale; 
 
 The theme is fruitful and has many branches, 
 But Prudence watches well the fickle gale 
 
 Of public favor e'er too far he launches, 
 And so my Pegasus, though sound and hale 
 
 For ten such rides, I pull up on his haunches; 
 (A pretty jumble this of metaphors. 
 But then in Addison you'll find a worse). 
 
 CXXXIII. 
 
 Farewell, Lake Michigan! a long farewell! 
 
 I part from thee with sadness; thou hast been 
 Full often to my soul a kindly spell, 
 
 And brought me back from gloom to thought serene;. 
 I love to hear thy many billow^s swell. 
 
 And watch thy changing shadows and thy sheen; 
 Wide, glorious Water, to thy oft-trod shore 
 My thought shall fly regretful evermore. 
 
74 AZMA 31 ATE R; 
 
 CXXXIV. 
 
 Farewell, ye Oaks! your many clustered arms 
 Have been to me a shadow from the heat, 
 
 And I have walked amid your mighty forms 
 As 'mid the pillars of a monk's retreat; 
 
 No more I see you, rent by winter storms, 
 Or clad in summer loveliness complete: 
 
 Ye forms of strength and beauty, fare you well! 
 
 Kind skies each S])ring your buds of promise swell. 
 
 cxxxv. 
 
 Farewell, companions dearer far than these! 
 
 None severs long connection without pain, 
 And I depart from pleasant memories, 
 
 And rudely break association's train; 
 Parted by barriers broader than the seas, 
 
 How oft my heart shall turn to you again; 
 Each bitterness shall mellow to regret. 
 And each accord shall glow more kindly yet. 
 
COLLEGE LIFE IN THE WEST. 75 
 
 CXXXVI. 
 
 Each name is dear, and each remembered haunt 
 A source of pleasure to my backward eye; 
 
 No later scenes will ever all supplant, 
 
 Or cause the memory of these years to die; 
 
 Whatever other pleasures time may grant, 
 Whatever harvest ripen by and by. 
 
 This has been to me Life's exulting Spring, 
 
 And Autumn hardly can more blessing bring. 
 
 CXXXVII. 
 
 I can look back upon these rolling years, 
 As many as the Greeks laid siege to Troy, 
 
 Nor find the record to give cause for tears, 
 If not in all things for unmingled joy; 
 
 In all my work fidelity appears. 
 My duty did my diligence employ 
 
 Whether I sat at others feet to learn. 
 
 Or occupied the teacher's seat in turn. 
 
76 AL3IA 31 ATE R; 
 
 CXXXVIII. 
 
 One of Life's seven stages, as a dream, 
 
 Has onward rolled upon Time's current swift; 
 
 I have been borne upon the rushing stream. 
 That hurries deathward with resistless drift; 
 
 The backward clouds have many a cheering gleam. 
 The forward ones have many a parted rift. 
 
 And, though oft darkly seems the tide to roll, 
 
 He sits on high, who doth the surge control. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 H 43 ^8 
 
Alma Mater; 
 
 
 CHARLES WILLIAM PEARSON, A.M., 
 
 Instructor in German m the Northwestern University, 
 Evanston, Illinois. 
 
 :fe.ioe ifiipty oehstts. 
 
 GEO. W. MUIR, BOOKSELLER : 
 
 EVANSTON, ILLINOIS, 
 
 1876. 
 
:r.- .,**'\. • 
 
 
 "^ 4,0"^ ,..<,. % •" ^** 
 
 
 ^^A^ 
 
 
 :'^' 
 
 
 
 ^^,. .^ 
 
 
 ^^ 
 
 
 
 .S^^^. 
 
 
 , °o 
 
Jk - • • » * \7 -w*^ w • » - i'V 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 ^': "-0 /" • 
 
 
 >°-n».^ 
 
 ' o'^ "'h. *.' 
 
 ^ i^h'. Xk^" »*^- \/ .-^Stt'" "^^..^^ /. 
 
 
 
 ^o