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A great vai-iety of Books useful in Sunday Schools of the Church constantly on hand. PUBLICATIONS OF THE PRESS. All the publications of the New-York Protrsiar.t Episfopal Press furnished at the lowest rates of that institution. TRIBUTE OF SYMPATHY, ADDRESSED TO MOURNERS. BY W. NEWNHAM, ESQ. What sorrow was, thou bad'st him know : And from his own, he learn'd to melt at other's wo. Gray's Odt to Adversity. Happy the man who sees a God employed In all the good and ill that chequer life ; Resolving all events, with their etfects And manifold results, into the will And arbitration wise of the Supreme. COWPER- First American, from the Sixth London Edition. NEW- YORK: PUBLISHED BY SWORDS, STANFORD, AND CO. No. 152 Broadway. 1832. NEW-YORK : PRINTED BY EDWARD J. SW0RD5, No. 8 Tlianits-sirt^t. PREFACE. When an Author ventures to communicate his reflec- tions to the Public, it is surely required of him, that he at least should be convinced of the necessity as well as the value of what he has to offer. Candour demands that he should be actuated by no sinister or unworthy motive ; but that the governing principle of his conduct should be a simple desire to convey in- struction or amusement to mankind at large. And when he ventures to select the same field of moral observation and inquiry that others have previously chosen ; when he professes to believe there yet remain many beauties unexplored in the same tract, and in- dulges the hope that he can throw a new and more pleasing light on truths which others have investigated before him ; it is justly asked on what ground he rests his claim to public attention, and why he conceives it necessary to add another to the countless muhitude of ephemeral productions. IV PREFACE. To the question, why the author has resolved on publishing his sentiments, he would briefly reply, that his determination has arisen from the firm conviction that such a work was still a desideratum to the mourner. Sustaining this character himself, by the removal of his nearest and dearest relatives, he was induced, in his hours of solitude, to seek that sympathy, instruction, and support, which his situation required, from the pen of those who had written professedly on the subject. It is true, that much which is kind, and useful, and excellent, is to be found in these little books ; but it is equally true, (at least so it proved in his own case,) that no one, nor indeed all combined, are exactly suited to the wants and fears, the cares and sorrows, of the genuine mourner. He would desire fully to appreciate the valuable labours of those who have preceded him, but still he would consider " A Tribute of Sympathy, addressed to Mourners,^' as desirable; and with parental fondness he would conceive the present little work calculated, in some measure, to supply the existing deficiency. During a season of sorrow the mind is softened, and prepared to receive the instruction which may be derived from its present circumstances. But to gain access to the heart, to engage the attention, and awaken the judgment to the arduous duties which the afflicted are invited to perform, it is necessary that their sorrows PREFAeE. V should be soothed, that their anguish should be re- spected, their feelings participated, their anxieties allayed, and their distress alleviated. The eye suffused with tears is incapable of perusing and deriving ad- vantage from the intrinsically excellent, but frigid de- clamations of the uninterested observer. The wounded heart must be healed, and the tearful eye must first be dried, by the tenderest sympathy, ere it can attend to the lessons of instruction. The troubled bosom must be calmed, before it can be animated with the genial glow of resignation to the will of God, or be enabled to appropriate the inaportant truths conveyed in this gloomy and mysterious providence ; before it can ap- preciate the duties connected with its situation, or realize the prospects of mercy and comfort with which it is surrounded. And since the mind> oppressed with care, will very soon become fatigued with simple argumentative disquisitions, in which, oftentimes, it can scarcely feel an interest; it is devoutly to be wished, that truth should be conveyed in a style so pleasing and so chaste as to engage the understanding, while it wins its way to the heart. And though the author laments most sincerely that his situation, and constant professional engagements, disqualify him for the task of gratifying the refined taste of individuals, who may possibly honour him with a perusal of his work; yet he trusts that he has in some measure 1* VI PREFACE. succeeded in gaining a readier access to the heart, and in preparing it for the reception of truths which, in another form, might have been probably overlooked. The circumstances of the mourner acquire a peculiar claim upon our tenderest regards. We are accustomed to feel compassion for every case of distress, and the hand of benevolence is readily outstretched for the relief of the indigent and the suffering poor. The sick and the miserable demand our attention, and all those comforts which a kind Providence has enabled us to bestow. Yet the mourner, in a much higher degree, is entitled to our sympathy. He has lost, perhaps, the friend in whom centered all his plans of earthly happiness, his every prospect is clouded by the gloom of desertion and despair, hope has abandoned a heart already overwhelmed with grief, and there is none to comfort him. If, then, we can be interested by the tale of human wo, if we can be animated with the liveliest sympathy towards those whose distress results simply from present and bodily privation ; can we refuse to drop the tear of pity over the mental sufferer ; can we withhold our exertions to impart relief, or conceive an object more worthy of our active benefi- cence? Hence it will be acknowledged, that every attempt to alleviate the sorrows of the afflicted, to administer comfort to the mourner, and lead him to the only source of solid peace, is entitled, in so far as PREFACE. VU it accomplishes this object, to be received with indul- gence. Such, indeed, has been the exclusive design of the author, in offering to other mourners those considera- tions which served to calm his own mind, those bright- ening prospects which led him forward to the glorious realities of an infinite and eternal world, and those reflections which, he trusts, had a tendency to animate him to the love and service of God. In presenting his thoughts to the public, he has no interest to serve, no party views to promote, no favourite dogmas to en- force ; his simple view is to administer consolation to the afflicted, and to lead them to make a proper improvement of their sorrows. If he has failed in accomplishing this object, it has not been from want of sincerity, of earnest desire, or of as great a devot- edness to the pursuit, as his professional engagements would admit, but from incapacity. How far the present little work fulfils these inten- tions, must be left to the decision of an impartial censor : if the author must relinquish the attainment of the good he has designed, he will still enjoy the satisfaction of having attempted what he conceived to be necessary, and if he shall have so far succeeded, as to administer to the comfort and improvement of such as are called to mourn for those who are translated from earth to heaven ; if he may have the happiness Vlll PREFACE. to smooth the thorny pillow, to still the troubled bosom, to elevate the heart to God, and lead it to the only fountain of peace and consolation ; then will he indeed rejoice in the delightful task he has undertaken, then will he render thanksgiving and praise to the gracious Hand which visited him with suffering, in order to prepare him for this labour of love. He now desires to leave his little work in the hands of Him who alone can bless it; imploring, with humble fervency, that an Almighty Father would be graciously pleased to smile on this feeble attempt to promote the honour of his name and the glory of his kingdom: and that He would render it instrumental in cheering and supporting the weary and the sorrowing, and in leading them to himself, as the only source of comfort. That those heart-broken mourners into whose hands this little Treatise shall fall, may share in the consolations of the Spirit of Grace, prays, with sincerest desire, Their obedient Servant, THE AUTHOR. Farnham, Ajjril 26, 1817. PREFACE FOURTH EDITION, In presenting to the Public a Fourth Edition of the Tribute of Sympathy, the author has only to express his unfeigned gratitude to Almighty God, for the many testimonies he has received of the efficacy of his little work in administering consolation to the mourner ; and to' add, that having carefully revised it, previously to its going to the press, he hopes he shall have rendered the present edition more acceptable to his readers, Famham, 1824. CONTENTS, CHAPTER I. On the Indulgence of Grief Page . 13 CHAPTER II. On the Moderation of Grief . 25 CHAPTER m. On Excessive Sorrow . 35 CHAPTER IV. On the Advantages of Sorrow . . 53 CHAPTER V. On Self-Examination . 85 CHAPTER VI. On the Duty of Resignation . 119 CHAPTER VH. On the Sources of Consolation . . 162 TRIBUTE OF SYMPATHY, CHAPTER I. ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. ii>F all the varied emotions of which the human }nind is susceptible, that arising from the exer- cise of sympathy, or the capacity for suffering, in ourselves, the cares and sorrows of those around us, is perhaps at once the most engaging and the most extensively useful. When once excited, the heart is expanded to the full opera- tion of the benevolent affections, and the most self-denying sacrifices are cheerfully made, in order to secure the happiness of its object. The high excitement of feeling occasioned by the exercise of this principle, is in itself so large a source of present pleasure, that we sometimes meet with individuals who glaringly obtrude their claims to its possession ; but with whom it is an ineffective stimulus to action, administerino- 2 14 ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. simply to their own gratification, and diverted from the obvious design for which it was im- planted in the human breast, viz. the alleviation of the sufferings of humanity. Notwithstanding the powerful influence of envy, in narrow ing the circle of social kindness, yet, when this principle does not actively pre- dominate, it is not difficult to joy with those who rejoice; and that heart must be cold indeed, which, in contemplating the happiness of others, does not experience a kindred glow of satisfac- tion, which does not secretly indulge a hope^ that the present scene of pleasure may be long secured from the wintry air of affliction. But to participate the sorrow of friends, and truly to sympathize with their suffering, involves not only a present emotion of disinterested benevo- lence, but a long train of active duties. Real sympathy will never rest satisfied with ineffective good wishes, or the common routine of polite and unmeaning profession; but it will seek to share the burden which it is unable to remove ; it will enter into the feelings of the sufferer, and if it cannot dissipate the gloom with which the death of a beloved object has enveloped his every prospect, yet will it strive to illuminate the dark and silent hours of solitude and grief, by pouring in upon the mind the balmy ray of heavenly consolation, with which even the niffht Ox\ THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. 15 of desertion may be cheered. They who have suffered affliction, must have experienced the rehef obtained by the participation of their sor- rows, and will readily acknowledge the powerful influence of the affectionate voice of friendship, in exhibiting the sources of their consolation, soothing their aching hearts, moderating their boundless grief, and elevating their thoughts and desires to that kingdom whither their dearest friend has gone before them, and is now enjoying the perfect felicities of that rest whence every tear is eternally banished. It is to this office that the friend who now addresses you would aspire. Like yourself, he has been visited with great distress ; he has felt the want and has experienced the worth of a kind friend to whom he could confide his feelings ; particularly in those seasons of solitude and seclusion which are so earnestly desired by the mourner ; but in which the mind, left to prey upon itself, is too apt to indulge its propensity to dwell on all the aggravating circumstances of the present affliction, rather than on the came which has rendered it necessary, the hand which has inflicted it, the design with which it is sent, or the blessing with which it is encompassed. And although the voice of sympathy may be removed from him for a short time only, yet he finds that he requires its welcome accents to be 16 ON THE INDULGENCE OP GRIEF^ perpetually reiterated in his ears, and its valuable consolations to be ever before his eyes. He needs the frequent repetition of the same cheer- ing truths, to preserve him from sinking into despondency ; and a constant review of the same alleviating circumstances, the same motives to resignation, the same enlivening promises, the same animating prospects. It is to remove this deficiency in the hour of solitude, that the present address is undertaken. Sympathy alone has induced the author to per- sonate the character he has drawn. He has been the possessor of peace and joy for a short time, even in this world of wo. He has had every wish of his heart gratified. He has proudly contented himself with his domestic happiness, equally careless of the little troubles and vexa- tions of the day, as of that beneficent hand which made his cup to run over with blessings. But he has been taught the vanity of reposing his hopes in the creature. A husband and a father, death has deprived him of every earthly comfort. One short month has witnessed the dissipation of his prospects, which he had lengthened out to an almost indefinite period. He has been called to mourn his folly and his loss, and has been left alone on this wilderness world, in order that he may learn, by dearly bought experience, the insufficiency of earthly ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. 17 pleasures, the instability of present scenes of comfort, and the perfect sufficiency of the Bible to afford peace and consolation to the agitated mourner. He has found that the greatest afflic- tions convey the most instructive lessons of happiness, by demonstrating the real nature of the objects on which man places his dependence; and he hopes that the following observations may prove as cheering to others, as they were productive of serenity to himself. Yes, my dear friend, 1 venture to break in upon your solitude with " A Tribute of Sympa- thy." Nor would I interrupt your grief: I would weep with those that weep ; I would mingle my tears with yours, and during the first transports of sorrow, I would only seek to participate the agonizing feelings which over- whelm you. Perhaps you are mourning over the decease of an aged parent, the guardian and the guide of your youth, and the fond counsellor of your maturity. Or, death may have made its first inroad on the family circle, by snatching away a brother or a sister; and you nic^y have been called to resign this endeared relative, at an age when fraternal afi'ection had been confirmed by the award of judgment, when the varied excellencies of the character were fully expanded, and had proved it worthy of your highest esteem. Your heart may have 18 ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. been called to bleed over the removal of a beloved child, the development of vs^hose dawn- ing faculties you had carefully watched, and whom you were anxiously training up in the admonition of the Lord, and thus preparing for activity in his service. Or, to complete the climax of human wo, you may be inconsolable for the loss of a fond husband, or an affectionate wife, one with whom you had enjoyed many hours of happiness ; the partner of your cares and joys, your dearest constant companion, and your best friend. You are mourning a loss which is severe indeed, a loss which is irrepara- ble, and for which, too, you were pirobably un- prepared. The stroke may have been sudden ; a few days, or perhaps even a few hours, may have dispelled the enchanting prospect which was before you, and of which you had just hoped to realize the pleasing illusions. You arc unexpectedly removed from the summit of human happiness, to the abyss of human wo. And shall the silent eloquence of grief be denied you? Shall a measured and philosophical sorrow be alone permitted ? Shall these affecting appeals be made to the tenderest sensibilities of your nature; and shall the ex- pression of suffering be contracted within limits, to be defined by the eye of the moralist, during a moment of cahn self-complacency? — No; the ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. 19 heart knoweth its own bitterness : nor can the individual who is only theoretically acquainted with sorrow, legishite the thoughts, the feehngs, and the actions of him who is indeed afflicted. Christianity does not require this unnatural restraint ; but distinctly teaches, that affliction for the present " is not joyous, but grievous." The silent apathy of the stoic is perfectly incon- sistent with the exercise of Christian fortitude. The heartless obedience of the unfeeling differs most essentially from the resignation of the feeble but sincere Christian. It is no argument in favour of the possession and influence of Christian principle, to hear ivith submission losses and suffering which we do not feel. This indeed evinces only culpable indifference to the events of God's providence, and to the particular design with which He has seen fit to correct us : it is the off'spring of carelessness and contempt, rather than the expression of resignation. It is pro- voking the anger of a righteous God, by refusing to listen to His voice, who speaks more power- fully and energetically to the heart through the medium of affliction, than man can do, by all the fowers of abstract reasoning. It is incurring the judgment denounced against those *' who have not grieved," when jEZe had afflicted them — " who have refused to receive correction," when He had consumed them — " who have made their 20 ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. faces harder than a rock, and have refused to return."* Since, then, insensibility to the chastening hand of God is so clearly pointed out as displeas- ing to Him^ it surely follows, that to feel most sensibly the wound He has inflicted, and to ex- press that feeling, is not improper in itself, though it may become so when excessive in degree. Weep on then, my dear friend; indulge your sorrow ; lay open the recesses of your aching heart to the bosom of friendship, and more especially make them known to that Friend who has chastened you for your profit. Recollect, that you are never less alone than when alone. God is every where present, and ready to afford con- solation and support to those who call upon him. His providence watches over all: he makes his snn to rise upon the evil and the good ; he is acquainted with the secrets of your heart; he sees your distress ; he waits to be gracious ; he is infinitely wise to guide and direct, and kind and beneficent, as well as unlimited in ability, to give you peace and joy. It is his delight to dwell with the humble and contrite heart, to revive the spirit of the humble, to be present with his peo- ple in their affliction, to put underneath them his everlasting arms, and sustain them under the pressure of the greatest misfortunes. * Jer. V. 3. ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. 2K When his servants, in the days of Nebuchad- nezzar, refused to infringe the laws of the Lord their God, and were cast into the furnace of fire, he exhibited his power to save, and his deUght to support them in suffering, by his presence ; for •* there were seen four men walking in the midst of the fire, who had no hurt : and the form of the fourth was like unto the Son of God."* And, although we do not now expect the same visible interference and miraculous preservation, we are assured that the people of God are equally his peculiar care ; that it is his delight to be doing them good, and that he is ever nigh unto them by his Word and by his Spirit. His ear is open to their cry : this almighty Friend is always ac- cessible ; he is willing to hsten to their complaints, and he has the power to sooth their sorrows. Come then to this Friend, and pour out your heart before him : detail all your cares, and seek to obtain the benefit which he has intended: trust yourselves and your all in his hands, and then you shall find that he is a very present help in trouble; that, in opening your heart unto him, the severity of your grief has been mitigated; and that you have in heaven a Friend who loveth at all times, a Friend more certainly endeared than, the nearest and most perfect human relation. * Dan. iii. 25. 22 ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. Our Lord Jesus Christ himself has left us an example of a real mourner ; he was indeed " a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief." It is recorded of him, that he wept over the grave of Lazarus, and that, because he loved him. He does not rebuke the tears of the bereaved rela- tives, though he strives to comfort them ; and, so far from affording to his followers an example of unmoved suffering, ^' he is troubled," he "groaned in his spirit ;" yea, he drops the tear of sympathy and affection over the deceased.* Jesus was a mourner here below, and he has smoothed the rugged path of sorrow, by leaving us an example, not of unyielding indifference, but of submission to the will of his heavenly Father, and of the re- lief bountifully provided for the sufferer, in weep- ing over his loss. And although it is not now the first concern of our Lord and Saviour, to recall to earth the object of his solicitude , yet the bodies of his people are his peculiar charge, and he will raise them up at the last day to glory, and honour, and immortality. This idea beautifully illustrates Ids divine com- passion ; " for we have not an High Priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infir- mities : but who was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin."t He knows the "* Jojin xi. 33. t Heb. iv. 15. ON THE Indulgence of grief. 23 extent of your sufferings, for he has felt the same ; his heart overflows with pity, and is expanded towards you, in all the fulness of redeeming grace and dying love ; you are interested in his com- passionate regards, and he seeks to allure you to himself. He invites you to cast your burden upon him, and is only seeking, by this light afiiic- tion, to recall your wandering affections from the creature, and to withdraw your erring footsteps from the uncertain track of time and sorrow, to the satisfying pursuit of substantial good. He seeks tliat the heart may be softened and ren- dered accessible ; and he appears, not as a God of judgment, but of mercy — chastising, but in love— afllicting, but from the purest compassion — and supporting with the richest consolations. He sees, he feels your sorrow — he hastens to your relief — he interposes his cheering presence, his animating voice. He says, " Weep not^" and proclaims himself as the " resurrection and the life." Yes! he comes to you in the endearing character of friend ; he calms your agitated bosom by his sympathy, he comforts by his Spirit, sup- ports by his grace, and leads your thoughts onward to that glorious period of immortality and ])eace, when you shall be re-united to your lost relative, in realms of unfading bliss; and shall associate with his glorified spirit, now trans- formed into the image of your mutual Redeemer, 24 ON THE INDULGENCE OF GRIEF. in ascribing all the glory of your salvation and eternal felicity to the " Lamb that was slain." Our great High Priest and Advocate still lives and reigns to make intercession for us ; he is *' Unchangeably faithful to save, Almighty to rule and command." " Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."* Let us com- mune with our own hearts, and with this almighty Saviour, that we may listen to his voice, and obey his word, and follow him whithersoever \w leadeth. Heb. iv. IG, 25 CHAPTER II. ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. Christianity does not forbid its disciples to mourn; but rather sanctions the expressions of grief, occasioned by the loss of friends, when viewed as the consequence of sin generally, as the result of our ow n carelessness and folly, and as forming a part of that probationary discipline which is designed to prepare us for another and a better world. Grace does not destroy, but simply regulates nature ; it does not supersede the affections or forbid their influence, but only moderates and dijrects their exercise. Could we distinctly view every object and event through the chastened medium of Chris- tianity, there would be no danger in the indul- gence of grief : there would be no fear of offending God by weeping over the loss of those blessings which he has conferred, together with all capa- city for their enjoyment : there would be no necessity to restrain the exercise of those affec- tionate sympathies which he has implanted in our bosoms, as the source of many of our plea- 3 26 Ox\ THE MODERATION OF GRIEl. sures, and the principle upon which much, and that the most admirable part of our conduct, is grounded. The feeble glimmering light of nature is in- sufficient to guide our affections or actions. The objects we perceive through this medium are so distorted by prejudice, so deceptive by their energetic appeal t,o our feelings and passions, that our judgment is rendered vacillating and uncertain; and we become incapable of forming a correct estimate of their real nature, and of their respective combinations and affinities ; or of the results to which they lead. But the torch of divine truth enables us to discover the way in which we should walk ; it unmasks prejudice, de- velops the secret influence of feeling, dispels the mists of error, and, by its clear and steady radi- ance, safely guides and invigorates the sincere inquirer ; discloses to him the hidden treasures of hope, and regulates his conduct by its own unerring laws. We no longer walk in darkness and uncertainty, but are enabled to descry the dangers we must avoid, as well as the object we must pursue, and the means by which it may be attained. The Christian mourner is not left in doubt as to the limits which should define his sorrow : for, although we must rejoice at the present, eternal, and unfading happiness of the spirit of the de- ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. 27 parted Christian, and the infinite and incalculable value of the exchange he has made ; yet to mourn for the dead, and more particularly for those who die in the arms of their Lord, is a duty which nature and affection demand — which is perfectly compatible with the purest influence of religion, sanctioned by the example of eminent saints, and required by God himself. Abraham, that faithful servant of the most high God, mourned for Sarah. " Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her." So did Jacob for his son Joseph, and Joseph and his brethren for their father Jacob.* Instances might be multiplied ; but the bare mention of these is enough to prove, that to mourn was not incon- sistent with their patriarchal piety and primaeval simplicity. Indifference to the death of the righteous has been plainly reproved by the Spirit of Truth, who declares that " the righteous perisheth, and no man layeth it to heart."t It is not then sorrow in itself, but its excessive in- dulgence, which is to be avoided by the Christian ; for •' godly sorrow worketh repentance to salva- tion not to be repented of."| It is indeed true that affliction is grievous to be borne ; and it is equally true, that the ravages of intemperate grief intercept our views of the " Gen. xxiii. 2 ; xxxvii. 34 ; 1. 10. t Isa. Ivii. 1. t 9 Cor. vii. 10. 28 ox THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. Great Disposer of all events and of the hearts of men, becloud our prospects of eternity, depress the spirits, shrivel and contract the heart into the coldest selfishness, and impair the health of the body. Grief is a passion which requires the great- est watchfulness ; for its influence steals upon us insensibly, under the disguise of positive duty ; and acquires the power of expanding itself to an almost indefinite extent, till it has so occupied the heart, that there is great danger lest it should overwhelm us, and prevent our deriving those advantages from affliction which our merciful Father has intended. Hence it is enjoined that Christians should moderate their sorrow: *' My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him."* Ex- cessive sorrow is combined in the same precept with that hardness of heart which refuses to be softened, and to feel under the chastening hand ©f God. We are commanded not to faint ; hence, sorrow should be so moderated as riot to interfere with the discharge of the private duties of reli- gion. It should bring us ^to God more humbly, more intimately, and more devoutly, rather than alienate us from him. If we indulge the soft luxury of grief, our minds will become enfeebled for religious duties; we shall be completely ah- •* Prov. iii. IK 5n the moderation op grief. 29 sorbed in contemplating the occasion of our sor-. row, and we shall scarcely lift from the heart one aspiration of praise to Him who doth all things well. Perhaps we have lost an object which we loved with idolatrous affection. Almighty God has seen fit to remove that which rivalled the posses- sion of our hearts ; how careful should we be, that we do not embrace another idol — that we do not supply the vacuity death has made in our affections, by yielding ourselves to the uncon- trolled dominion of that sorrow which '' worketh death!" The eyes of the world are fixed upon professors of religion, especially on those who are removed from the obscurity of humble hfe : and it expects now to perceive the influence of those animating and consoling truths which had been so frequently extolled. It does not expect to find them without a refuge from the storm, a prey to the influence of ungoverned passion, and over- whelmed by the agony of despair. It does not expect to find them sullenly complaining, or in- deed silently suffering what they know to be in- evitable, as if it resulted from a fatal necessity, governed by chance, or directed by the wildest caprice. It will not even grant those allowances which the infinite variety of natural temper and disposition, and of the strength of the intellectual powers, appears to demand. It will require that 3* 30 ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. the influence of the principles they profess, and the doctrines they believe, shall be exemplified in their conduct: it will expect that their minds shall be calmed by a consideration of the good- ness of God, and the equity of his government; by his wisdom, and his gracious designs towards, his children ; by a prospect of that rest which remaineth for the people of God ; and by a firm reliance on his promise, that all events shall ad- vance the best interests of those who love him. It will expect that they will cheerfully resign, when he calls for it, their dearest earthly comforts, without murmuring ; and that, on the v/hole, they will evince a peaceful serenity of temper in the most distressing circumstances. Religion is in- deed much exposed to contempt by the immo- derate sorrow of those who profess their belief of its truths. If, says the objector, its mild pre- cepts, its animating hopes, its supporting pro- mises, and its consoling anticipations, so fre- quently the subject of discussion in the peaceful hour of prosperity, be insufficient to support the mourner under the immediate loss of his relatives and friends, surely these can be of httle value ; and the consolations of philosophy are equally important. If religion and its hopes and joys be, as they are represented, an all-satisfying good, how is it that he is so overwhelmed with sorrow at the loss of one who has entered into his rest. ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. 31 and who, by his removal, has rendered earth less pleasing", and has engaged his affections more exclusively in heaven ? He has one attachment the fewer to the world, and he possesses an ad- ditional attachment to heaven ; whence, by his own principles, his religious pleasures should shortly be increased. To be thus absorbed in sorrow, manifestly indicates inconsistency with the possession of such cheering doctrines, and evinces that he does not really believe the truths he pertinaciously contends for, or that they are not in their nature and influence such as they are asserted to be. Thus, in fact, the prejudices of the irreligious are strengthened on every side ; and surely Christians should be doubly careful, lest they oppose the influence of Christianity, by placing obstacles to its reception in the way of others. The followers of our ascended Saviour arc commanded not to sorrow " even as others which have no hope," and are pointed to one grand source of consolation ; *' for if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him."* Here is a positive injunction that Chris- tians should moderate their grief; and a most powerful reason is annexed ; for, if we believe iv. 13, 14. 32 ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. the fundamental truths of the Bible, we are as^ sured that the disembodied spirit of the deceased over whom affection sheds its fondest tear, is Tiow infinitely happier than on earth ; it would not exchange its present peace for the cares and sorrows it has just quitted, for all the world calls good or great. From the enjoyment of such present felicity we would not wish to recall him whom we have lost : our thoughts are led forward to the happy period, when we, if the people of God, shall join the chorus of the redeemed ; and unite with his glorified spirit, in ascribing "glory, honour, and blessing to Him that sitteth on the throne, and to the Lamb for ever." Again, the Christian remembers that every event is under the superintendence of God ; and that, from whatever immediate source the present affliction may appear to spring, still it originates with Infinite Wisdom, and is directed in its period, and in all its circumstances, by Infinite Love. He knows that he is in the hands of a merciful and faithful Creator, and trusts in his power and goodness, though he cannot distinctly trace that hand which governs even the minutest event. There are many natural phenomena, of which we cannot possibly fathom the rationale; but we are assured that these are influenced by laws as definite as any others with which we are more intimately acquainted. We cannot attempt O^ THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. 3^^ to trace the footsteps of Omnipotence ; our con- stricted capacities are incapable of discovering the ways of Providence ; but we are happy in the assurance that the powers of Omniscience are engaged in fixing and preserving in its order every occurrence. The Lord of heaven and earth sees, and knows, and governs all things — the motion of an atom and a world : and though we are ignorant of his designs, we may safely confide in Him who does and will direct all con- tingencies. " I was dumb, I opened not my mouth, be- cause thou didst it," is the language of humble and submissive confidence. While nature weeps, the Christian remembers that every painful event has been appointed by omniscient goodness; and while the silent tear steals down his grief- worn cheek, he will not be utterly cast down ; he will review the mercies which have followed him all the days of his life ; and perceiving that those events which he now esteems his greatest blessings, were painful in their nature, he will come and make his complaint to God, and not to man. While his heart and eye tend upwards to the sky, he will not be in danger of excessive sorrow ; for he will supplicate a gracious Father with deep humility, for the sinful cause which has rendered affliction necessary, aiid yet with filial confidence, assured that he will not lay 34 ON THE MODERATION OF GRIEF. upon him a burden heavier than he can bear ; assured that in due , time, when his gracious design shall have been accomplished, he will give him peace, and deliver him from every distress. These considerations will prove suf- ficient to excite him to assuage his grief. He dares not murmur, or call in question the good- ness or the justice of God; for he invites his children to pour out their requests unto him ; and though in great mercy he sees fit frequently to deny them what they ask, yet he always giVeth liberally, and gives exactly, not that which may be most pleasing, but which will be best for them in the present and a future world. /^r- 35 CHAPTER III. ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. It is not easy to define the precise limits wliefe every kind and degree of sorrow becomes ex- cessive ; for a moment's reflection will convince, that expressions of grief, which nature and religion both demand and allow under the severe sufferings to which humanity is exposed, would be unjustifiable and sinful under the lighter cares and perplexities of daily life. There are many persons who view their own trials through a magnifying medium : they un- justly trace out aggravating circumstances, which a fond selfishness alone can discover, and thus endeavour to excuse their impatience, by the supposed weight of suflfering under which they labour. They conceive their affliction to be more severe than ever was intended by its Author; and, unaccustomed to the yoke, they vainly imagine that no burden is equal to theirs, and believe that their complaints may lawfully exceed the bounds prescribed for others. Yet it is manifest, that the same indulgence of grief cannot be allowed to the sufferings of unsubdued 36 ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. passion, as to those real mourners who are borne down with the weight of their sorrows, and with a humbUng sense of God's justice and mercy in their infliction — to those whom God hath wounded in the tenderest relations, and who feel the full extent of human wretchedness. Some allowance must be made for natural disposition, and the peculiar texture of individual minds. Let not one pride himself on his sub- mission to afl^ictive providence, when in truth his equanimity arises from the absence of those acute feelings which constitute the man of quick sensibility. Let not that be termed patience, which consists in indifference ; nor suffer that to be extolled as a virtue, which is a mere gift of iiiature, or the offspring of a mind well trained and disciplined in the depths of abstract reason- ing, and rendered less susceptible of the acute feelings a more lively imagination would experi- ence. Nature has cast some minds in a sterner mould ; their perceptions are correct — their as- sociations few and accurate — their judgment firm— their sensibilities obtuse; while she has endowed others with a greater degree of vivacity, quick and inaccurate perception, lively and un- limited association, and a judgment too fre- quently influenced, and even carried away, by the acuteness of their feelings. In characters so unlike, the expression of sorrow will be different ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 37 in degree, and dissimilar in kind. That sorrow which would be excessive, and therefore sinful, in the former character, may be safely allowed to the latter. In either case, the principal dif- ference will consist in the external expression of grief; and there will still remain certain pre- cepts, whereby the heart of each may alike be tried and regulated. These will apply to all ; and each individual may thus form a judgment for himself, far more easily than those who frame their opinion from external appearances. What then is the tendency of your grief? Does it lead your heart to God, or alienate you from him ? Does it engage your thoughts and affections principally on the circumstances of the affliction which has befallen you, or on the gracious design with which it has been commis- sioned? When the Almighty extends his chas- tening arm, it is to remind us that he is our chief good, to abstract our hearts from objects of inferior moment, or to purify and fit us for a closer walk with him here, and for more intimate communion with him hereafter. This design can alone be effected by our returning to him in sincerity, earnestly striving, that we may be more entirely devoted to his service, that our hearts may be more expanded by a Saviour's love, and that our affections may be animated with the desire of living to his glory. 4 ^ 0\ EXCESSIVE SORROW. Are you anxious to view all your trials in thi?f light, and to come to God, and to him alone, for comfort and support ? Do you delight to have your thoughts much with him, pray to him, and diligently strive that the end for which affliction Was designed, may be accomplished in you? Or do you rather fondly dwell on the value of the blessing you have lost, and still concentrate your affections on that gift which a merciful God has seen fit to remove ? Do you rather excite the mind to the recollection of past scenes of happiness, so fondly and so properly endeared to memory — to your prospects of earthly plea- sure, withered by the chilly gale of premature mortahty, and to your present forlorn condition, while you lose sight of the hand of God ? Then is your sorrow excessive, for it is opposed to the will of heaven, and you are suffering without the possibility of appropriating those cheering consolations which are provided for the humble mourner. But again, There's mercy in every place ; And mercy, encouraging thought, Gives even affliction a grace, And reconciles man to liis lot." hence, sorrow becomes excessive, when we forget the goodness of God displayed in the ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 39 expressions of his mercy and his love, which we have enjoyed — which we even now participate ; and are looking forward to the full disclosure of his merciful intentions towards us. The ways of God do indeed sometimes seem marked with severity. He knows our whole hearts better than we do ourselves ; and of all possible things in this world, he does that which is most adapted to make us feel. Probably, when you examine the present affliction, you will find that the stroke is such, whether you consider the person, the period, the place, and a hundred circum- stances and associations, past or then expected ; and thus will you trace the design of God, and obtain a consciousness that no other hand could have inflicted it. Nothing can be more erroneous than the in- dulgence of suspicions concerning the goodness of God. He is a righteous governor ; his conduct is not directed by arbitrary caprice, nor is it the offspring of envy, since "justice and judgment are the estabhshment of his throne."* " But God is also love.^^f His gracious determination to secure our happiness, and fix it on a perma- nent basis, gives existence to those very events, which we are sometimes disposed to construe into acts of unkindness, and deplore as pregnant ■' Psa. Ixxxix. 14. + 1 John iv. 9. 40 OiN EXCESSIVE SORROW. with the greatest evils. This assurance, there- fore, should lead us to bow to his dispensations, not only because they are on our part quite unavoidable; but subniissively, under a convic- tion, that if we *' love him, and are the called according to his purpose, all things will work together for our good."* When the stream is dried up, our condition is not hopeless nor cheer- less, if we have constant access to the fountain, and find it always overflowing with good. When the creature interposes between God and us, and we cannot contemplate the former for the latter, surely it is not unkind that he should remove the intervening vail, in order that he may acquire his own perfect right, and at the same time that we may be made substantially and permanently happy. Besides, are there no circumstances of alle- viation ? Is it the worst possible evil that has befallen you ? and is every aggravating associa- tion concentrated in this one event ? Perhaps you may be inclined to answer in the affirmative. But inquire whether it might not have been worse with you ; whether, instead of your present pleasing hope of the immediate happiness of your deceased friend, you might not have been harassed with doubts, and fears, and apprehen- " Rom. viii. 28, ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 41 sions respecting his safety; whether your ex- pectation of being one day re-united around the throne of God, might not have been involved in the uncertainty of your own state, and of your prospects of future blessedness ; and, if these consolations be absent, whether you might not have been in the same situation with your lost relative, have passed the boundary of time, and have been reduced to that state, where you would be alike incapable of entering into the joys, as of preparing for the services of eternity ? Rehgion can trace mercy and comfort, even in the darkest hour ; and her chaste rays, re- flected from the pages of inspiration, will render pervious the thickest gloom, since she exhibits present good and future joy as the result of present suffering improved. It is not only in our actual circumstances that we trace the good- ness of God, but in their ultimate and more remote results ; since these form a part of that discipline which is to prepare us for a future happy existence in a world of everlasting bliss ; and to lose sight of all these alleviating circum- stances, is as unbecoming the character of the Christian, as it is offensive to the Majesty of heaven. Unrepressed and intemperate grief leads us to distrust the faithfulness and love of the Most High) to call in question his justice, to arraign 4« 42 ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. his providence : and thus discontent is fostered in our bosom, corroding every comfort, distort- ing all our views, and sapping the foundations of our peace. When we first deviate from the narrow path of rectitude, the gradations of error are so frequent and imperceptible, that we are conducted to a labyrinth of uncertainty, before we are aware that we have quitted the way of truth; and when once lost, it is with the utmost difficulty we can regain our former positions. It is not at once, but gradually, that we are induced to entertain doubts concerning the wis- dom and justice of God. We should shrink at first from the decided avowa? of such a conclu- sion ; the mind must be prepared for it, by the slow and silent, but constant and equable opera- tion of minor suspicions, which ultimately lead to this unhappy result. Short-sighted intellect may indeed be at a loss to discover a reason why this particular affliction is necessary, and, from being disappointed in the search, may be induced to imagine that there was no cause; and between this avowal and the immediate distrust »f God's goodness and faithfulness, the gradation is so gentle, that the latter is early presented to the mind. This sentiment, rejected at first with aversion, begins to be tolerated, from the unva- ried repetition of the same image ; is then enter- tauied with complacency ; and, finally, received ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 4'J as a legitimate conclusion. This step once gained, we can readily imagine how the heart will be drawn aside, and suffer itself to disbelieve the other attributes of the Deity, and to doubt his wisdom, and power, and love. The peace of the troubled bosom is destroyed ; and peevish- ness, discontent, and fretfulness, are the conse- quence. The temper is soured, because the mind is exfJosed to a constant source of irrita- tion, with no balm to sooth the angry passions, or calm the aching heart. How watchful should we be against the first beginnings of evil, since we perceive how easily sorrow may become excessive, and how certainly it will then hurry us away into a thousand inconsistencies, which the genius of Christianity blushes to acknow- ledge. This error may be committed by taking pains to provoke and re-excite our grief, by a careful recapitulation of circumstances which are in- finitely dear to memory, till they become too exquisitely painful to be borne. The first trans- ports of sorrow, who would venture to oppose ? Nature attempts her own relief, by these ex- pressions of the wounds she has received; but grief has a natural tendency to exhaust its own violence; the feehngs become less acute from fatigue ; and the gradual waste and expenditure of their energy, at length brings the mind to a 44 ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. State of tolerable composure. Christian principle should now be invited to confirm what nature has effected, for this state of quiescence is only the prelude to a storm. The diminished excit- ability of the mourner will soon be recruited, and bis sufferings will be felt with redoubled violence. Nothing short of Christianity and its animating hopes can render permanent the calm, by exchanging the quietude of exhausted power for the peace and serenity of religious consolation. Instead, however, of having recourse to this powerful principle, we may, with all the ingenuity of self-torture, busily engage ourselves in stimu- lating the languid feelings, and goading the already fluttering heart to increased action, by the detail and recollection of every painful asso- ciation connected with this sad event. Chris- tianity demands not that we should be forgetful of the dear comfort we have lost, but that we should contemplate the affliction through the medium of revelation ; and that we should stu- diously endeavour to engage the mind with the blessings designed, and the consolations provided for the humble sufferer, rather than allow it to become the prey of its own mournful images. By the indulgence of excessive grief, the health is decidedly endangered. It is difficult to define the nature of the connexion which subsists between the mind and the body ; our knowledge ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 45 respecting it is almost entirely limited to an acquaintance with the effects produced by their reciprocal action. Although the existence of this sympathy may be denied by those who plead for the unrestrained indulgence of their sorrow, yet nothing can be more certain. We see every day the one suffering with the other — the mani- festations of mind enfeebled by disease, and the animal economy materially disturbed by dis- orders of the mind. It is well known how in- stantaneously joy or grief will pall the appetite ; that it is impossible to cure many derangements of the animal syStem, whilst any cause of mental irritation exists; and that many maladies are immediately produced by the influence of de- pressing passions. The indulgence of excessive grief, then, is by no means innocent, since, al- though its immediate effects may be escaped, it may still lay the foundation of insidious disease, which, though long protracted, may in the end terminate fatally. Nor is this caution unneces- sary ; for many mourners practise a kind of self- deception, by allowing themselves to believe their health is not endangered, provided no im- mediately serious ravages are perceptible to themselves, while yet their strength is visibly declining. It is true, the vigour thus impaired may be recovered, and that quickly; yet care is ^ecessary ; and when we recollect, that in the 4ld ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. code of laws to which we profess to yield obedi- ence, there is a command which says, *' Thou shalt not kill ;" and reflect that every prohibition implies a positive injunction; we must surely allow that such a precept requires that all lawful means be assiduously employed for the preser- vation of our own life, as well as the lives of others. Life is desirable; during its rapid progress our eternal destiny is fixed ; and when the body can no longer be inhabited, the immortal spirit which actuated it, is immediately translated to the enjoyment of exquisite pleasure or endless punishment. It is rendered sensible of the ex- haustless treasures of infinite love, or of the deserved anger of a just and holy God. This gives to life its chief value : now is the accepted time, now is the day of grace ; and are we yet prepared to die ? With what thankfulness should we enjoy, with what care should we cherish, life and health, until we gain substantial evidence that we are ripening for an inheritance with the saints in light, until we enjoy a pleasing hope of eternal felicity ! And even supposing that, on this head, we are as completely at rest as was the Apostle Paul, when he said, " to die is gain," alluding to him- self; yet we should remember, that, connected with this expression, is the assertion, " for me ON EXCESSIVE SORROW. 47 to live is Christ."* We cannot be said to live to Christ, if we do not embrace every opportunity of employing the talents we possess in offices of piety, and the various and constantly increasing duties of disinterested benevolence. The Chris- tian's is an active life; he is called to do good, and to glorify God. How many are there whose earthly happiness materially, if not essentially, depends upon us ! how many whose sorrows we may sooth, whose burdens we may contribute to support, whose miseries may be lessened, whose ignorance may be dispelled, whose happiness may be enhanced by our exertions ! Performed on right principles, these things are acceptable to Christ; and we should recollect, that it is only during the short uncertain space of life that we shall enjoy an opportunity of pleasing G