0 PRINCETON, N. J. ^ BX 7745 .B17 A3 1858 Backhouse, Hannah Chapman Gurney, 1787-1850. Extracts from the journal and letters of Hannah EXTRACTS FKOJI THE JOURNAL AND LETTERS OF HANNAH CUArMAN BACKHOUSE. LONDON : nlCHAriD BAUltKTT, PRINTER,. MARK LANE. EXTRACTS ^/ A?, fhnl FROM THE JOURNAL AND LETTERS OF HANNAH OHAPMAN BACKHOUSE. "And they tbat bo wise sliall .sliine as tlic briglitiiess uf tlie finiiamoiit : aii'l tlicy tbat tiini many to i-ic-htoonsness as tlio stars for ever anil ever." Dan. XII. 3. MDC'CC'LVIII. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2015 https://archive.org/details/extractsfromjourOOback_0 ERRATA. Page 18. /or June 3rd, read May ICth. „ 19. „ 4th, „ 17tli. 5th, „ 18th. 6th, ,, 19th. 7th, ,, 20th, 219. „ Funeral of John Fell, read Funeral of Sarah Armfii'Id. 243. ,, William Chapman, ,, Abel Chapman. (Note.) CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. PAGE. Birtli and Childhood — Extracts from .lonrnal — Early Tastes — Studies — Devotion to Mathematics and Drawing — Re- ligions Impressions— Visit to London and taste of gay Life — Her first attendance of the Yearly Meeting in London — Admiration of Good People — Literary pursuits ... 1 CHAPTER II. Death of her cousin Elizabeth Gurney — Deepening religious convictions — Adoption of the Language and Dress of a Friend — Attends another Yearly Meeting in London — Her attachment to the principles of Friends confirmed — Her liappiness of mind, and interest in the duties of life — Letter to her Father — Effect of the change on her intercourse with others, and on her pursuits 18 CHAPTER III. Marriage — Domestic Life — Call to the Ministry — Death of her eldest child, and of her sister Birkbeck — Illness at Peterborough — Her eai'ly mental exercises and experience — Jonathan Backhouse also a Minister 34 VI CONTKNTS. TAGK. CHAPTER IV. Doniostic Cares — TJcligious Diitic^ — Illness of her ilusl)an(l — Death of liov second Son — Birth of lier yomip-est — Renc^red health — Business aiTnirs 52 CHAPTER y. Travels as a ^Minister — In eonipany witli Isaac Stephenson visits foniilies in her own Monthly Meeting, &c. — With her husband ^"isits Essex, Suffolk, and Norfolk — Journey into Devon and Cornwall — Visit to families in Newcastle IMonthly IMeeting, and to Friends in Lincolnshire, Cani- hridgeshive and Huntingdonshire — Tr(>land n8 CHAPTER VI. Prospect of a Religious Visit to North America — Public Meetings in Durham and Northumberland — Voyage to America — New York — Hicksism — Philadelpliia — Balti- more — Visits families in New York — Thoughts on the Resurrection — Visits meetings in Philadelphia 71 CHAPTER VII. Death of her Father — Philadelphia Yearly Meeting— Eliza P. Kirkbride — Westown School — New York Yearly Meeting — Frieuds' Bible Meeting — Boston — New Bedford — Nan- tucket — Return to Pliiladeli)hia — Convention of the Yearly Meetings 93 CHAPTER VIIT. .lom ney to Ohio — Allegliany Mountains — Oliio Yearly Meeting — Indiana Yearly ]\Ieeting — Laborious journey and re- ligious services within its limits — Backwoods Life — Intense cold — BaiJcs of the Wabash — Reflections on close of 1831 107 CONTENTS. VU CHAPTER IX. ]\l()n; incetiiiys and Fauiiliow visiUnl in Indiana — rrivatioiiti and ])illicnltii's — First-day Sclioois — Rapid junrncy to Philadcliilda — Pliiladclpliia Yearly ISIoetiny — Jonathan J)aekliousL' returns to En<;land l-ii CHAPTER X. Establishes First-day Schools in Now England — Nantucket, Now Bedford — Visit to an Indian L^ettlenient — Jonathan Rackhoiise's return and labours — Meeting with tlu' Legis- lature 141 CHAPTER XI. Voyage up the Hudson River — Enters Canada — Yonge Street, York — Meeting with the Garrison — E. P. Kirkbride's illness — ^Norwich — Settlement of differences 165 CHAPTER XII. Meets her husband at Albany — Philadelphia Yearly Meeting — Jonathan Backhouse attends that for Virginia — Hope of return lionie disappointed — Indiana Yearly Meeting — North Carolina — Jonathan Backhouse returns to England — South Carolina — ^Tennessee^ — Kentucky — Cincinnati — Ohio Yearly Meeting — Liberation — Takes leave of her Friends in Philadelphia — A'oyage home — Arrival at Liverpool 1?5 CHAPTER XIII. Di'ath of her sister Barclay — State of the Society — Her sou Henry's death — Yearly Meeting of 183(1 — Visits Scotland, i^c. — Remarks nu kee])ing Anniversaries — Concern lor Norfolk — Letters — Visits Brighousc Monthly Meeting ... 1[)2 vm CONTENTS. CHAPTER XIV. Meetings witli the Nobility — Witli the Jews — Norfolk — She eonijiletes her eiigageiueiit in London anil its Neighbour- hood — Ilohls meetings in the East Riding of Yorkshire — In eonipuny with her husband visits Cumberland and Northumberland — Scotland — Jonathan Backhouse's illness at Monti'osc — Their Return home — She delivers up her Certificate 211 CHAPTER XV. Death of her Mother — Letters — Services in the East Riding of Yorkshire — Her husband's death — His character 234 CHAPTER XVI. Removal to Norwich — Services in IMauchester — Attends London and Dublin Yearly Meetings — Wales — Indisposition — Return to Darlington — Visit to families in Bristol — To the prisoner " Tawell" — Death of her daughter Ann Ilodgkin 253 CHAPTER XVII. Visits Meetings in Hampshire and Dorsetshire — Increased Indisposition — Concern for Australia — Letters — Evening of Lile— The Close 277 JOURNAL AND LETTERS OF HANNAH C. BACKHOUSE. CHAPTER I. BIRTH AND CHILDHOOD EXTRACTS FROM JOURNAL EARLY TASTES STUDIES DEVOTION TO MATHEMATICS AND DRAWING RELIGIOUS IMPRESSIONS VISIT TO LONDON AND TASTE OF GAY LIFE HER FIRST ATTENDANCE OF THE YEARLY MEETING IN LONDON^ ADMI- RATION OF GOOD PEOPLE LITERARY PURSUITS. Hannah Chapman Backhouse was the daughter of Joseph and Jane Gurnej, of Norwich, and was born there on the 9th of the Second Month, 1787. Almost from infancy she exhibited indications of no common order of mind ; a certain force of character distinguished her from other children. The pursuits of her sisters possessed little or rio attraction for her ; but to join her brothers in their games and recreations, and her father in his rides, were her chief enjoyments. Throwing her whole soul with ardour into the object before her, she seldom failed to excel in what she under- took ; so great, indeed, was the absorption of mind in her own pursuits, that it became a source of some trial to her anxious mother. The same disposition rendered her very independent of the companionship or sympathy of those about her. B 2 1804. [.*:t. 17. We shall see in the course of the following pages, how, when subjected to the transforming operations of divine grace, the elements of her naturally powerful character combined to render her an honoured instrument in the hand of her God and Saviour, to whose service she was concerned that every faculty should bow, and before whose throne she desired to cast every crown. When about seventeen, she began to keep a very simple journal of her pursuits and interests. In an introduction to it she takes a brief review of her pre- vious life : — I was born of parents possessing many virtues, especially that of so loving their children, tliat while giving them every indulgence proper for them, they did not withhold salutary punishments. * * * * My father had a country-house, where we used to spend the summer. The greatest pleasure I remember to have felt was that of riding in the whiskey with my parents, and opening the gates ; which if I was deprived of, I used to cry vociferously. "When about four years old, we removed to the Grove.* In the summer, we went to the sea-side at Cromer. What I felt of the most importance was using the hammer and saw with dexterity, and the greatest pleasure being victorious in a game of trap-ball. I disliked anything like a book ; but in 1800 I began to feel that vacancy of mind and want of employment which are great enemies to happiness. In 1802, we took a journey into the North, which I enjoyed very much. When I came home I really set about working hard. I began Italian, divided my time so as to know the work of each hour, and took notice of those five minutes which, when summed up, amount to a great deal. In the spring of 1803, I began geometry ; and I think (whether it be conceit or not I cannot tell) ever since I entered into the spirit of it I have felt more capable of accurate reasoning; or, * A country-house at a short distance from Norwich, which wa-s thenceforth the residence of her parents till their death. M-t. 17.] 1804. 3 indeed^ of reasoning at all. I had a few lessons in drawing, which I began to be very fond of. At Croraer, with a party consisting of Hoares, Kctts, Barclays, and Gurneys, we did everything that could be thought of to produce pleasure : riding, walking, laughing, talking. How far our strenuous efforts succeeded, I cannot quite determine ; in reality, I believe they did not ; however, I began to feel a great love for society, "When we came home, I again set hard to work, and never since I can re- member did I enjoy so much happiness. But it was now that I was to taste great sorrow ; for my dear sister Mary died ; — never shall I forget the time — what I felt is indescribable. After a fortnight, in which I endured torturing anxiety, she expired. At that time I almost believed that happiness was banished from me for ever : but the human mind will not long, I believe, be put out of its usual course ; and how happy it is that it is so, for life could not long be supported under violent grief. I think this affliction taught me one thing — that I was not so insensible as I before supposed. Perhaps it has made me feel for others. With the hope that this record of her time and thoughts might be accurate and impartial, she writes : — March 11th. — Resolved to be industrious, and get up in the morning, and knock Latin into me, as almost every other hour in the week is employed. Saturday. — A capital lesson in mathematics. Monday. — Had a very pleasant day at Earlham, were it not for being severely reprimanded on my return for leaving mamma, who was ill, though recovering. I felt it the more because I deserved it. Saturday. — Spent the afternoon with Jane C on the drawing-room sofa ; she telling me a great deal of the world and its wickedness, of which I scarcely knew anything. It made me thankful that I was born of such parents, and that for our intimate acquaintance we. have those who are, I think, better than most. I cannot help observing how, in any particular circumstance of my life, the idea of immortality comes forcibly upon me. B 2 4 1804. [.ET. 17. To-day, in partiug with the C s with the greatest proba- bility of never meeting again, is there not a something that makes one feel it is not to be an eternal separation ? It seems but a day since they came, and now they are gone ; a few more and this busy life will be over, and then I firmly believe the good we love here will be restored to us in tenfold measure for eternity. Saturday. — Went to St. Andrew's Hall to meet Cotman ; looked over his sketches, which, though very beautiful, I did not feel it was out of my power in time to equal. Had a very pleasant ride home with my father. How I do enjoy talking with him ! Sunday. — My uncle C 's being here this Meek has made me pant after seeing a great deal of gay life for a short time ; though the more I see of it, the less I shovdd like it for a continuance ; for I think all real happiness consists in making " my mind to me a kingdom," and being in the good conver- sational company of those I love. Sunday, September 9th. — Had a charming ride to North Walsham meeting, reading Dr. Dodd, and resolved to become more diligent in my duty towards God ; for every day I see nothing else will make us permanently happy, and thorough self-examination I find to be very necessary, as I really know nothing of myself, — the most important of all knowledge. Friday. — I had a delightful hour, reading Locke. How I now and then, perhaps rather too often, enjoy solitude ! I begin to fear that this power of enjoying myself makes my pleasure too independent of others, and consequently renders me too little solicitous about theirs. I do not think this is for my good, as I believe the greatest earthly happiness is reflected. Sunday. — A delightful ride with Joseph, on horseback ; fixed plans of spending my time at the Grove — all, I hope, subservient to the great future good ; believing that in time, with the grace of God, I could be brought to feel the world only as a state of probation, and look doM n upon it with no concern about it, excepting as it may tend to the attainment of everlasting bliss. How infiiiitely superior to all other pleasures is one truly religious feeling, and I can imagine no bliss so great as that which is an infinite increase of .'■ET. 17.] 1804. 5 To know God and His only begotten Son, — would not this be sufficient to form heaven ? Friday. — Drew again the old man (a figure of a hedger). Sahirday. — Finished it, which I did so well that I felt most uncomfortably elated with it, as I was self-conceited beyond measure, and did nothing but fancy I should be a great artist. How I disliked myself, and could not but reflect how diff'er- ently a great mind would have felt, which, instead of being blind to the imperfections, would have discovered so many as to make it humble. I strove much against my feelings, which I hope in measure I subdued. This week I have found great pleasure in reading the Bible before going to bed. Sunday. — Like a fool I did nothing at meeting but dream about being an artist ; vexed that I have not the power of keeping my thoughts from wandering. October lith. — How desirable it is to cultivate cheer- fulness ! How unjust it is for me to murmur at anything, who am surrounded with innumerable blessings ! and if I have not my heart's desire in everything, ought I not to be thankful for it ? or else I should be still less than I am, inclined to look forward for bliss. How I wish to cultivate a grateful heart, without which all blessings bestowed are vain ! Sunday. — and to tea. My reflection on the evening was — Can these be immortal souls ? What a great increase of happiness there would be if conversation were composed of better materials than it is ! A most delightful intimate ride with Hannah Chapman. She in the true spirit of a real friend told me of my faults, which I owned. What I want is that true humility that would make me less to live for myself. How I love her for her reproofs ! At home in good time. Little dear Emma, and all of them, seemed really glad at my return, which gave me heartfelt pleasure. Saturday. — My thoughts have been during this week one continued castle in the air — of being an artist ; the only reality they M'Cre built on, was, having painted Kachel in oils better than I thought I could do — a feeling that I shall in a little time succeed, and an unbounded ambition to do so. I have had many arguments with myself to know if it would be right. 1 think it would be so, if I make good use of it. Have warned 6 1805. [.ET. 18. myself against conceit and confidence^ which I felt two great evils likely to beset me. Monday. — E.ode to Stoke with my father, in which I took up the cross ; as painting a portrait of Guyton was first in my affections. Saturday. — The love of painting has been uppermost in my mind for some weeks past ; I hope it will soon settle into its proper station there. Mamma has wanted me to give it up on account of the dirt it makes on me and the house ; my father, because he feai's it will take the place of better objects. Opposition has only given me the greater love for it. Both of them^ on review of Guyton, seemed tacitly to yield, and my ever kind and good father has ordered a stove in the boys' tool-house, where I am to unfold my talents (if I have any) without interruption, and in that most auspicious region for such things, silence. Few things have given me so much pleasure for a long time. I imagine that even in real good it will not be fruitless. Sunday. — Did nothing but dream of being very gay in London for a month. My ambition is to see what the fashionable part of the world is, as it may be of use to my most awkward manners. June 9th, 1805. — Came from London last Saturday week. The first fortnight there was passed with papa and mamma in visiting relations, and seeing sights. They then left me at St. Thomas's* to the wide world. I went to Carshalton, then to Bury Hill. From thence I wrote to my father and mother, requesting their permission to go to public places ; to which I received a most charming refusal from my father, afterwards from mamma. Went to Mrs. Birmester's concert, and the Duchess of Chandos's party. This was my first taste of the gay world, — may I not like its savour too well for my good ! At Mrs. B 's we saw the great people of the city ; at the duchess's, those of the west end of the town. Went with Agatha to the Yearly Meeting ; its effect was quieting after the bustle I had been in ; it was not nearly so disagree- able as I expected. The contrast was great of the Friends' manners with those I had been accustomed to at Woodford ; * St. Thomas's Hospital, of which her uncle Abel Chapman was resident Treasurer. .«T. 18.] 1805. 7 but it gave me the opportunity of seeing different circles in the world. The purity of the Quaker mind was not a little striking. I heard a sermon which I wish I may never forget. [ am now at home, and the intoxicating delight of first getting there I cannot describe. July. — Since I have come from town we have been much occupied with one thing and another. At this time, for almost the first in my life, I seem to come to a stand in my darling objects, which I may say have been almost entirely the pursuit of pleasure through the medium of the under- standing. This I feel must be a useless search ; for the further I go, the more unattainable is the contentment which I hoped that a degree of excellence might have produced; the further I go, the further does my idea of perfection extend ; therefore this way of attaining happiness I find is impossible. In seek- ing for it in the pleasures of sense — which is in reality the meaning of the pleasures of the world, (fame perhaps excepted) — though I have just put the cup to my lips, and found the taste most alluring, yet knowing the bitterness, or at best the perfect vanity, that must follow the indulgence of such pur- suits, I trust no temptations will ever induce me to follow this road to destruction. Never in my life was I so sensible of the real weakness of man, though to all appearance so strong ; for I am persuaded that it is almost impossible to conduct oneself through this world without being sincerely religious ; for the human mind must have an object, and let that object be the attainment of eternal happiness. I felt that the actions of almost every moment may tend to it ; every other object in life may fill up portions of time; but worldly objects, as many as a man can grasp (and many he has not power for) must leave much time in which the mind can have no employment. That we shall have the same faculties for partaking of happiness or misery to all eternity I doubt not. What then must be the state of a mind quitting this world, if its objects of desire have been those only of time, and which must perish with time ? After such considerations, can I be so weak as not to make religion my only pursuit ? — that which will, I believe, bring my mind into beautiful order, and, rendering worldly objects subservient to its use, harmonize the whole, and fit it to bear fruit to all eternity. 8 1806. [^T. 19. H. C. Gurney occasionally mentions her father in a manner that evinces his increasino; love to the cause of Christ, and his growing attachment to the principles and practices of the religious Society of which he was a member. About this time he first spoke in their meet- ings as a minister, in which character he became much esteemed, and was a bright example of Christian ex- cellence. September 9th. — Yesterday, Maria Barclay left us. I love her warmly, yet soberly, and I am sure it is sincere. I am convinced that the more really good I am, the more she will like me. How different is this from being loved for one's follies ! I admire her wish to be good, and should not be surprised to see her one day an eminently religious character. October. — On Tuesday, we called on s to fix their coming. What dull worldly people they seem to be ! Having done nothing all day, and being all assembled in the evening, vacancy pervaded the whole room to such a degree, that I wished I had been obliged to work for my bread, that my duty might not lie in the listless inactivity of a parlour. Sunday. — The s came to tea. I got scolded for being proudly silent, which I hope is not entirely true : yet I fear that foolish demon pride does sadly torment me ; endeavour to mortify it as I may, it is not subdued, and until I have a different heart, I fear it will not be. I shall now endeavour to give as accurate an account of myself as I can, at the age of nineteen, — March 1806. As to externals I am improved, which I wish to persuade myself is from attending to what mamma desires; but fear the most powerful motive is my love of pleasing those who look at little but the outside. In the company of people who are worshippers of the god of this world my heart too often joins with them ; but for those who are weaned from it I feel the most sincere love and almost veneration, with real regret that I am not so good as they are. I often long to be so, but have not resolution to say in the sincerity of my heart, " Thy will be done." If I could entirely resign mv own will, I should be so dependent MT. 19.] 1806. 9 upon a better that it would keep me in a continual watchful- ness, preserve the mind in an even tcmpei", and he my tjreatest guard against yielding to temptation ; but I have never yet been able to do this, dreading, like a real coward, tlie painful proof of my sincerity, though knowing that the reward is quietness and assurance for ever. I give up my time if I think I can be of any use to any one, though it is sometimes a cross to leave my pursuits ; I endeavour to bear patiently what crosses my inclination, guard against being out of temper, begin to watch over my words, and try to be attentive to my father and mother. Sunday. — Alone. Made Rachel happy by being very kind to her about her journal. By her affection for me how well am I recompensed, — what an encouragement to go on ! I often tremble at the influence that the eldest has in a family; and how earnestly do I wish mine may be a good one ! Wednesdat/. — We had a pleasant evening with Ann Crowley and Susanna Home [then on a religious visit to Norwich]. I do believe that Friends are the happiest people on the earth, and they do more than half persuade me that if ever I would enjoy that peace and assurance of mind that I long for, I must seek it in the path which they have trod. Friday and Saturday. — Very pleasant. What a vile uncentred state I am in now ! — even a novel that I have read this week unsettled the weathercock of my mind. My thoughts run upon the gay world. The plea to myself is, that I wish to see and know the world, and to feel from my own experience that its joys are incapable of making me happy, and that they are diametrically opposite to what a Christian should seek after. This is plausible ; but I fear the true reason is, that a mind not at peace longs for the dissipation of vain society to drive it from itself Wednesday. — This day ushered me into the Yearly Meeting; dined at Joseph Smith's ; his wife is a most sweet woman. A number of Friends of the strictest order were there. I felt most awkward, for I did not know one, and being so unaccus- tomed to be the gayest in a party added to my confusion, for I imagined every one looked upon me as a heretic. TJmrsday. — A long meeting in the morning. At dinner met some Friends with Cousin Priscilla H. Gurney and 10 1806. [^T. 19. Rachel Fowler, two of the sweetest women in appearance I ever knew. Deborah Darby and her friend, with S. Cockfield and E. Sheppard, were of the party. The quiet of meeting in the afternoon I enjoyed. Monday. — The meetings most interesting. Altogether a very happy day. Friday. — Dined at George Stacey's : after the ice was broken, which among Friends is very thick, I enjoyed the dinner. His wife, the most agreeable of the party, soon left us for a Committee, and we killed an hour or two very badly before meeting. Had a most interesting meeting, and it was the final one. I have attended all the meetings, and really enjoyed almost all. I went because my parents wished me to do so. That it has done me much good I do not think, but it has certainly increased my admiration, and perhaps love, for the Society, — not so much from what I heard, though that was very excellent ; but seeing such first-rate good people, and the happy state of mind they seemed to enjoy, made me earnestly desire to be like them, though it has not yet per- suaded me to endeavour to be so : if I had a wish that could be granted, it would be that my last end would be like unto theirs, I saw the most eminently sweet angelic woman I ever beheld, — Mary Capper j her countenance expressed the beauty of the human mind when it is without weeds. June. — In the afternoon our party set out for Windsor in two postchaises. After tea we went on to the Terrace, where we had a good opportunity of staring at those astonishing human beings, the King, Queen, and three Princesses. Tlie whole scene was amusing. The sight of a number of people, who looked as if they came with full hopes and expectations that all the pains they had taken about their dress would be rewarded by the gratification of seeing themselves shining among the crowd, and who, after all, found themselves jostled and totally neglected, was an instructive lesson, showing the infinite disproportion between the value and consequence we affix to ourselves, and that which the world attaches to us. August. — One structure of ambition has vanished to make way for another. The first I can remember distinctly was founded on a love of riding and driving ; then the completion ^T. 19.] 1806. 11 of my wishes would have been to have horses and carriages at my command, and the dreaming of the eujoyment I should have in them employed the thoughts of many hours. The next mania that seized me was a passion for being- thought learned, and for this purpose how many books did I devour ! Next succeeded mathematics, which lasted for some time, and many were the castles which I built upon the fame which I expected to acquire by discoveries in this science ; but what foundation had I for these castles ? This passion retired at the entrance of that for painting. As I have not long taken my leave of this object, I have clearly in my remembrance how towering were my imaginations this way ; what structures, with the help of fancy, hope, and ambition, I built at this period : they are vanished, and three or four wearied pieces of canvass remain to be a sorry spectacle of the result of my folly. Ambition, I believe, still hovers about me, marking me for its prey ; but, as it wears no embodied form, I do not often feel its grasp. Last week poor Joseph was ill with a sore-throat ; I was more attentive than on such occasions I usually am, and I do not think I lost my reward, for I was conscious of doing my duty, at least in part ; but I often felt my aversion to the weariness of a sick-room ; the constant attention to trifles, and the want of employment and ideas, made me feel it a great cross ; this sometimes overcame me. Beginning to act from duty in such cases, one may end by acting from affec- tion, and then it becomes necessary to one's satisfaction to do so. A woman who cannot suffer the confinement of a sick-room, leaves unfulfilled one of her most marked duties, and can never be fit for a wife. It is a difficult task when one is not spurred onward by the continual impulse of the lieart, or, in short, when self is a dearer object than the invalid. When alarmed by danger, few are so indifferent as not to desire to use all their powers ; but when it is only pain or sickness, I could often wish my heart were more susceptible of kindness and compassion than it is. Monday. — In the morning Anna gave me a letter contain- ing a particular account of the death of Miss Dumbleton. I felt truly affected by it, and could almost have cried over it : it made me very serious ; and how earnestly did I desire 1H06. L-CT. 19. to be for ever in tlic company of tlie just of all ages. T liavc often felt my heart very much softened of late, and more and more see the beauty of holiness ; but all the progress I can say I have made towards it, is in loving it more ; yet I feel I have a great way to go before I am entirely given up, or till I can in singleness of heart follow after it. I have been afraid, that as goodness is what I love people for, I may wish to be valued by them for what I really have not, .but only desire to have ; and am thus tempted to be an hypocrite, of which I have the greatest horror, and would often hide what is good in me rather than be praised for it. But so deceitful is the heart of man, that I have often caught myself wishing that no good action or word should be unperceived by those I love. On Sunday we had a very pleasant ride to North Walshara with cousin Henrietta, talking of our ancestors and their characters, for which I felt a great veneration, and an affec- tion for those who had lived the life of the righteous, though I had never seen them ; which made me wish I might ever be entitled to the same feeling from succeeding generations. Those who have not left behind them a character for being devoted to the acquisition of the one thing needful, even if their faculties were above par, seem like a shadow that is gone ; but others, as if there were a substance that yet remains. Till Wednesday we were quite alone. Outward quietness and industry are means of composure which do not always succeed, but for this time they have done so very well. Tlie moonlight evenings were sweet, and few dull hours were my lot — many happy ones, and some discomposed. I forget if it was this week or last that I finished reading the bible through, — I have always endeavoured to read it before break- fast, or directly afterwards. It has been a pleasure to me, in that I have often been made to feel the beauty of holiness ; but, as a rule to measure myself by, it has often shown me how far I am from what I should be. I have often wished my heart could join in parts of it. I have seen what a sweet friend and comforter it must be to a sincere and upright heart. Friday. — In the evening, owing to nay father's obliging us to come in sooner than I liked, I fell into a sulky mood in 20.] 1807. 13 my own mind, growling over the misery of parental restraint. I sometimes feel my want of freedom rather galling : but how much better is it for me ; for when I have a little, there is nothing to stop it. Had I now much liberty, my high- spirited and ambitious disposition would drown everything else in me. December 24ith, 1806. — Went to see Louisa* married at Tasborougli — the most deeply affecting and interesting meeting I ever was at. I wished, if ever I was married, 1 might have such an one. Came home, dressed, and went to dinner at Earlham. I felt in one of the most solemn minds, nor did the presence of numbers drive it fx'om me. What an unmerited blessing it is to feel in this way ! — I believe these are the moments which are only truly enjoyed. Dear Louisa ! how sincerely I wished her the best good. Saturday. — Alone, very silent, for which I am blamed : but I cannot bear talking about trifles when there is no positive occasion — and I love silence. Mondaxj. — I have this week made many resolutions of improvement in secondary as well as better things, and some efforts too ; which, though attended with tolerable success, make me feel what a great deal there is to reprehend in me. Would I were truly humble ! To keep a watch over my mouth has been my most earnest desire ; for this I have written many maxims. I have determined not to use the words " genteel " and " vulgar," or the like, as a measure for actions, believing them to be rooted in pride. ^ February 9th, 1807. — To-day I am twenty. And now let me endeavour to describe what twenty years have effected upon me. How difficult self-love and blindness make answering the question, What am I ? How often do I feel myself double-minded, and how seldom have I that single- ness of heart which is indeed acceptable ! Often, when clothed with something of heavenly love, do I feel that " I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in " kings' palaces ; but I fear the general tendency of my pursuits would make me more fit for the latter than the former ; yet I hope I may be allowed the encouragement of * Louisa Gvu'iiey, who was mari-ied to Samuel Hoare. U 1807. [^T. 20. thinking that I am increasingly inclined to sacrifice the last to the first. Lacking so much, how is it possible I should be puffed up ? but in what corner of the mind does not Satan lurk ? What I most want, and most sincerely wish for, is, that I may be truly humble — that where pride now reigns, humility may prevail, and where ambition, contentment. In moral duties I hope I am improved, and when they come in the balance with self-indulgence I think they gene- rally preponderate ; but I want more of active kindness in my own family. In forbearance I think I am not deficient. As to learning and accomplishments, I have been industrious in that way ; but the older I grow, the more these things retreat into the background of my affections. March, Wednesday . — Cotman came in the morning : he gave me much encouragement about my drawing, which led me farther than I wished from humility. June, Tuesday. — In the morning, in very ill humour, find- ing mamma had prevented my meeting a party at Earlham. How painfully sensitive am I to not being free to act as I like, though I have often experienced how little it is for my happiness, Thursday. — My father drove me to Coteshall, and left me there. Saturday. — I have enjoyed this visit much, but felt iincom- fortable at being loved and admired more than I could return. I do not think I once professed anything T did not feel, which I am glad of. I hope never again to fall into the error of belying my feelings towards people or things. How soon one is wearied of the constant exertion to be agreeable, even when conscious of admiration ! the rest of home was truly grateful to me, though all consciousness of being admired there must cease. The atmosphere of truth is keen and sharp, but it only is lastingly good ; I often feel this on coming home. September. — Drank tea at the s, which was not unpleasant to me ; for that sweet woman, Hannah Evens, was there, and I felt the high ground on which she stands. November. — I read in the evening the Life of Catherine Phillips, in which I was much interested, but it made me truly MT. 31.] 1808. 15 uncomfortable. I could not read of such excellence without feeling earnest desires to attain such a state of devotedncss ; yet it seems almost impossible to me ; the probation it must require is very hard, I do not know how it is, but wlien I look forward to my future life, though I may sometimes build castles of ambition, oftener of domestic happiness, yet I can dwell on no other with satisfaction than that of becoming- such a character as Catherine Phillips, May I have real greatness enough, ever to dare to imitate it ! My father, on my leaving the room, said, " How I wish some of you would come round, and make such characters as Catherine Phillips or Sarah Stevenson !" This cut me ; for I love my father dearly, and wish he may ever be satisfied with us, as I am sure he deserves it. Sunday. — The Bevans [Joseph Gurney Bevan and his wife] returned in the evening. They looked with an eye of mourning over the troop of such unfriendly Friends, I could half sympathise with them. How I do dislike half- Friends, when covered by riches ! December 6th. — The Bevans left us. I have often very much enjoyed their company ; yet it has been like breathing a rarer atmosphere — though better of itself, yet oppressive to earthly things. I thoroughly relished his high intellectual capacity, if not genius. * * * * Surely the clouds of dissatisfaction will one day be broken through. I remember a dream that I once had when a very little child, I dreamt of two powers — the one light, and the other darkness — which by most violent contention disturbed me extremely. When the light overcame, I was glad ; but when the darkness, I was miserable. I cried so much, that the servant came with a candle, and took hold of my hand. Then the light soon got the entire victory, and I went to sleep in great joy, I often think of this dream. Jatmary, 1808. — Grove, Hannah Evens with us. How inestimable a woman of that kind is ! February. — How am I altered since the commencement of last year ! In looking back and comparing myself at that time with what I believe I now am, no encouragement can be my portion, * * * * As to learning, in proportion to IG 1808. [.ET. 21. my opportuuities I have done a good deal. I have attained the power of arranging ideas and understanding the scope of an author better than last year. 1 have studied chemistry, Roman history, and read Pemberton's Sir Isaac Newton. How wonderful are the laws and operations of nature on material existence ! — how much more so the laws of our spiritual being ! In drawing I have not lately made much progress : my inclination for it seems totally gone — why, I can scarcely tell : it has its pleasures and its uses — it has, too, its vanity and vexation of spii-it to a greater degree than many other accomplishments. As to personals and manners, I have improved, though they are not subjects of so much importance to me as they were : pride is the most conspicuous demon that besets me. Sunday. — I read with great interest the Life of Sarah Stevenson, and enjoyed the quiet and solemn effect it has over me. Wednesday. — Felt very much softened at the thought of leaving home this spring for London. I could not bear the idea of parting with my own dear family, particularly my father. Wednesday. — ]\Iy father read to us in the evening the account of the death of Charles James Fox — truly interesting ; but high life united with talents always excites me. Tuesday. — In walking home from meeting with my father, he remarked, " What a privilege I have felt it this morning to be at meeting \" His great kindness to me and his sweet- ness altogether, made me love him inexpressibly, and I could have shed tears. In such moments I feel unworthy and ashamed of myself as his daughter : I can scarcely bear to think what I might be to him. March, Tliursday. — In better spirits, on a better foundation. Friday. — A capital lesson with Crome ; my spirit in draw- ing began to revive. Read the Iliad with Joseph. Tuesday. — Quarterly Meeting. Not very well, and in a bad mind, except in the early part of the meeting for worship, Avhich was rather better than usual ; but soon my thoughts were scattered, to my discomfort during the rest of the day. Sunday. — I finished the Life of Sarah Stevenson, in which ^T. 21.] 1808. 17 I felt an interest that was soothing and most sweet : it made me feel seriousness after a day almost spent without it. I earnestly wished my latter end might be like unto hers. April. — I do not know how often I wish I was a good Friend ! May. — A most cheerful, pleasant evening with my father and mother. How much I feel my love and enjoyment in ray own family increasing ! Who can calculate the miseries that result from not being what we ought to be ? c 18 1808. [.ET. 21. CHAPTER II. DK.ATH OF HER COUSIN ELIZABETH GURNEY DEEPENING RELIGIOrS CONVICTIONS ADOPTION OF THE LANGUAGE AND DRESS OF A FRIEND ATTENDS ANOTHER YEARLY MEETING IN LONDON HER ATTACH- MENT TO THE PRINCIPLES OF FRIENDS CONFIRMED HER HAPPINESS OF MIND, AND INTEREST IN THE DUTIES OF LIFE LETTER TO HER FATHER EFFECT OF THE CHANGE ON HER INTERCOURSE WITH OTHERS, AND ON HER PURSUITS. An event now occurred which put a seal, as it were, upon the convictions which, tlirough the operation of the Holy Spirit, had been wrought in H. C. Gurney's mind. This was the death of her cousin Ehzabeth, wife of John Gurney, jun., a great favourite in the circle of young people by whom she was surrounded, and whose removal from amongst them was almost their first taste of grief. It is thus recorded in her journal : — May \2th. — I was with mamma in the school-room pre- parino; for London. Sad account from Lynn ; Elizabeth is dead ! Soon Joseph and I went to Earlham to give the information to Richenda and Priscilla. We sat together sometime in the deepest silence. Sunday. — At Keswick with my aunt.* Her composure, with her great kindness and affection to me, I felt strongly. I was left with her in the morning when the rest went into the plantations. June Srd. — Rode over to Keswick to be with L for an hour. Our conversation made me see more distinctly the miserable state of inconsistency that a gay Friend is in, which strengthened my wishes to be out of it. We are not in the world sufficiently to put on mourning, and our dress ill suits the solemnity of the grave. Kept alone most of the day with a mind which was, I believe, brooding change. * The mother of Elizabeth Gurnej'. ^T. 21.] 1808. 19 It should bo borne in mind that, in setting out in life, H. C. Gurney's parents had not themselves maintained, nor required in their children, a conformity in language, dress,, and deportment, to the usages of the Society. 4th.— In the evening I felt deeply awed, and, as far as I could, earnestly desired that to-morrow might he the day in which I might be enabled to say, in sincerity of heart, " Thy will be done.'' I could scarcely speak, and sat profoundly silent with Anna Buxton and EHzabeth. Nobody seemed able to break the stillness, and when some others came in, they seemed silenced. I feared I was acting further than my character authorized me to do, and yet it was so sweet to me I could not break it. Instead of going to supper, I sat by my father in his room, whilst he was making preparations for the funeral. 5ih. — At Earlham, on the day of the funeral, a good deal overcome by natural feelings which T did not wish to restrain, but desired to take my father's advice, in not letting them prevent the effect which I earnestly wished the solemnity of the event might produce. 6th. — On awaking, I felt my seriousness nearly gone : I begged it might not forsake me, and it did not. I walked with my dear brothers and Rachel to the cottage : how dearly I loved them, and wished my love might ever be of service to them. On setting out for London with her parents to attend the Yearly Meeting, she remarks : — 7th. — I felt very serious ; love seemed to have smitten me, and under that banner I earnestly hoped that I might be enabled to partake of whatever might be set before me in the banqueting house. I saw it would be right for me to say tJtee and thou to everybody, and I begged that I might be so kept in love as to be enabled to do it, — that love might draw me, and not fear terrify me. First-day, 21st. — I woke, and begged to be kept. We breakfasted at Woodford. I managed to say thee to my uncle and aunt, l)ut not to the rest : my weakness in this, my c 2 20 1808. [^T. 21. almost first attempt, was, I hope, excused, and did not mucli oppress me. Wc went to meeting at Plaistow. I felt very serious, and my heart joined with the words that were spoken. Second-day. — I dined among numbers of Friends. I saw how the beauty I now love, was marred by some of its pro- fessors ; but in those who do not spoil it, how lovely it is ! I once or twice felt proud, because conscious of being more of the gentlewoman than my companions — a root of evil within, which I hope will be destroyed. Deborah Darby spoke kindly to me, which I felt grateful. My mind has been calmed and elevated in parts of this day, which is unspeakable enjoyment. That I may never part with such feelings from negligence and disobedience has been my earnest desire. Fifth-day. — Left Hampstead and my dear Louisa to go to meeting. The ride was sweet to me ; my heart filled with the purest love to those I had left, wishing their good. I went with the desire that this meeting might deeply seal my reso- lution that my future life might be guided by Divine direction, and that my will might be brought into subjection to the Divine will. The meeting was highly interesting, and as satisfying to me as anything human can be ; I felt, as much as I am capable of feeling, a great deal of what was said. Here ended my Yearly Meeting ; I have felt it deeply interesting, and, as far as outward means are effectual, I believe it was good for me, since high precept and example are presented to allure ; but, though I was often enamoured of both, strength is only to be had in dwelling deeply in the secret of our own minds ; yet the other should not be neglected. I resolved not to say you to one person again. Seventh-day. — I have kept my resolution of saying thee and thou to every one. This act of obedience has been the cause, I firmly believe, of much peaceful reward, and of keeping me in a very guarded state ; but it has often given me more pain than in so apparently trifling a matter might be expected. Bury Hill, First-day. — Did not get up till past eight, for which I felt to blame. I talked too much after breakfast without a sufficient guard, for which I repented. Walked afterwards with the Barclays : my heart felt very JET. 21.] 1808. 21 heavy all the time, and it was a difficulty to me to be agree- able, which is now what I am more anxious about than ever ; wishing to show in my behaviour that I am not under the government of a hard Master, but that cheerfulness and amiable manners are the fruit of obedience to Him. I felt very happy the rest of the day. Second-day. — Rose at six. Fifth- day. — Read with Maria : my imagination roamed from the book, — a bad thing ; for, if it is right to do a thing it is right to attend to it, and imaginations are, I believe, weakening. I spent the morning mostly alone, drawing a cottage for my uncle. The conversation after dinner turned ou saying thee and Mom— that it was better to say Ihou than thee, which has been our habit. Till her recent change, she had been in the practice but too prevalent, especially with the young members of the Society, of saying thee, instead of thou, when addressing one another ; while i/ou was employed to those not Friends. This conversation added to what every hour confirms me in, that the world itself likes a conduct that is markedly in opposition to its own, rather than one that conforms to it, but not completely. May this never be in any degree the motive that influences my conduct ! I walked and talked with Elizabeth in the evening about people. In the end I felt and expressed it to her, how much better I thought it would be never to talk over anybody, even those we most love and admire ; for, though no individual remark may be unkind, the eflFect of the whole is weakening, and does not tend to the preservation of love. What a branch of conversa- tion would thus be lopped off! But if we would do right, we must bear being pruned, and I believe must sacrifice being what is generally called " agreeable and entertaining." Sixth-day. — Wrote to my father, which I truly enjoyed, and read with Elizabeth ; I sensibly felt this morning how sweetly time passes when the mind is satisfied. David Lindoe 22 1808. [^T. 21. came in the evening. T felt my old ambition of wishing to sliiue before clever people. First-day. — Walked to meeting with Agatha, but depended on my strength too much, that conversation would not dis- turb my mind. I felt still and comfortable most part of the meeting, and thought of that verse — " Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my Strength, and my Redeemer ! " An hour comfortably quiet by myself, and then Maria read to me. Second-day. — Rose at six, and I felt, I believe, during the day the benefit of rising early. Fourth-day. — Walked with Agatha in the evening, and felt that talking about people of the world and the distinctions of rank engenders pride, and leads from the state of mind we ought to endeavour always to be in. Sixth-day. — Spent the morning mostly by myself, and had a sweet walk alone, in which all my resolves felt strengthened. However painful obedience may be, the reward is unspeakable joy and peace. Let the prospect of proving my faith be rather cause of rejoicing than pain to me; but keep in the present as much as possible, for there alone is to be found strength. Looking forward, always, I believe, weakens ; we are apt to imagine trials which never come to pass, or are made easier than we anticipate. First-day. — How deeply I felt, enjoyed, and was strength- ened at meeting ! For the first time to-day I called the days of the week numerically on principle : it cost me at first a blush. A walk in the evening with our whole party. How sweet it is to feel one's influence a good one ! This day has afforded me deeper and sweeter feelings than any I have yet passed. Second-day. — Went out sketching with Maria. I feel that I could, if my attention were paid to it, go a great way in this art, and never felt my powers so strong ; but I must sacrifice all my idols, and be governed but by one Lord, who is jealous of aU others. If my mind is kept by his excellent goodness, all other excellence wiU sink in the comparison. Third-day. — * * * * EHzabeth convinced me of the reason of what in my own mind I felt did me harm, — that reading books of great wit, exercisedupon the inconsistencies ^T. 31.] 1808. 23 of human nature, is hurtful, as it wounds the spirit of love which we ought to cultivate, and which I believe is the only cure for these evils. Fourth-day. — Left Bury Hill. I can look to the time I have spent there as the happiest in my life. I have earnestly wished that my example and influence in future may be useful to those whom never before did I love with so sweet or so great affection. The day was spent quietly and without much excitement. I felt I loved children and working better than I used to do. After speaking of a gentleman in the neighbourhood who had an alarming seizure, she says : — Fifth-day. — During the course of this evening I sensibly felt there was but one stay, and with it, the events of life lose much of their bitterness. Seventh-day. — The morning mostly by myself, making a cap. At first I felt it would be most difficult to wear it ; but the idea soon grew easy to me, and in the end I was firmly persuaded it was right for me to do it. Second-day. — I felt once or twice during this day a touch of what I believe is spiritual pride. Third-day. — Exhausted in body and deeply feeling the weight of what I am about to profess ; for I dread hurting a cause I do so dearly love and admire ; yet I believe with unshaken confidence, that if I keep close to my Guide, I shall be preserved to glorify Him. 1 have dared to wish that no suffering may be spared me that may enable me to do so. Previously to her return home, her father, with cha- racteristic prudence, blended with genuine affection, wTote to her freely and fully on the important phase in her rehgious life through which she was now passing, snowing his concern lest, through the ardour of her spirit, she should be induced to act without sufficiently examining the ground of her actions. The following is her reply : — 24 1808. [mt. 21. Before Breakfast, Woodford, 21st of 7tli mo., 1808. My Dear Father, Thy letter, which I received yesterday, mixed with much pleasure, gave me some pain from two insinuations; first, tliat it appeared difficult for thee to believe that the soil had been sufficiently prepared by suffering to make that good ground in which the seed can alone flourish. Time, perhaps, can only openly make known my most earnest desire that my heart may be sincere. I have even dared to wish that I might endure the hottest furnace, that I might be so purified that at the end I may stand perfect, confident at the same time that by no strength of my own can I endure it ; earnestly wishing that every moment I may be kept depen- dent on that strength which is indeed sufficient for us, and in which I may, with deep and reverent thankfulness, acknow- ledge, I have been enabled to feel His yoke easy, and His burden light ; and I do indeed believe all His ways are ways of pleasantness, and all His paths peace. I am sorry thou hast thought that I might have cast my cares more upon my nearest connexions in life ; indeed, I never loved them so dearly or felt their value so much as now : but I think I can remember that thou thyself hast taught me, that on no human help can we in any degree rely. I do indeed believe that, as we are enabled to keep the first great commandment, and are made willing to sacrifice all our worldly affections to the love of God, we shall receive a spirit in which we shall really love our friends, and all the innocent pleasures of life, better than ever we did before, but that we shall be raised above dependence upon them. These, my very dear father, have been in a degree my feelings. May they neither give pain nor displeasure to thee, nor to any of my dear family ! I do not think I have stayed too long from home, but I now look forward to returning, with great interest, I should say, rather than pleasure ; for, after so serious a change as I feel I have undergone since we parted, there must be pain in meeting again those whom I most dearly love. * * * « Very affectionately, thy child, II. C. GUKNEY. ^T. 21.] 1808. 25 Sixth-day, 15/A of 7th mo. — A pleasant ride with Samuel Hiul Elizabeth Gurney, through part of the Forest. * * * ♦ * * J believe it is best not to form an opinion, but where judgment is wanted for the performance of an action, and then as little as possible depend on ourselves. I repented this morning of giving mine on the bringing up of children. Third- day, \^th. — My mind was kept in a most sweet state this afternoon. I am conscious of acquiring the love and admiration of those I am with, and begged to be pre- served from the evil it may excite in me. I have thought of and feared the truth of the fable of the sun and ^olus. Silent in riding from Tottenham, during which I saw and felt deeply the beauty of my profession ; joyful in its being mine, and in feeling the incalculable ruin which is caused among the children of men, by departing from that Guide who can alone lead us safely through time, and following whom (however rough the road may sometimes appear), is indeed the way not only to the joys of another life, but to those of this. Sweetly feeling these truths we arrived at my Uncle Barclay's. Fifth-day, ^\st. — General Phipps came in the evening. My Uncle desired I would take his likeness. I wished to be able to refuse, if I believed it was necessary for me to give up drawing ; but I also wished to obey my Uncle in all things lawful, and I do not yet feel this unlawful, though I believe I shall naturally draw but seldom now. A mind kept on the Christian's watch is, I think, little capable of entering into the spirit of the fine arts. Sixth-day. — Began to draw General Phipps. I felt that I was standing on dangerous ground from the praise I received, and I earnestly desired it might not hurt me. I have felt during this day the difficulty of keeping free from the spirit of the world in the society of those who possess all the charms of its accomplishments, and how almost impossible it would be for me to be preserved without the manners and appear- ance of a Fiiend, which are, I do now firmly believe, a strong bulwark ; but, like all bulwarks, if a constant watch is not kept, the place, and the bulwark too may easily be taken. Second-day, 25th. — A quiet day, feeling by comparison that the lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places ; yea, I 26 1808. [^T. 21. have a goodly heritage. Keep ever before thee, for cause of humbleuess, that " where much is given, much is required." Third-day, 26th. — Weut w ith my Uncle, Emma Chapman, and the boys to London ; then with Emma to a milliner's shop, where I felt rejoiced at being in part, (and hoping to be entirely) relieved from its perplexities. E-oom for the exer- cise of patience on our return home, which I did not entirely fill up. A pleasant walk with Emma in the evening, com- paring ourselves to what we were when we were together three or four years ago : How much cause for thankfulness that the world, I believe, has lost much of its hold on both of us ! Fourth-day. — The morning quiet, and after dinner set off with H. G. for home. I feared the stimulating effect that the power of his mind often has produced upon me, and begged that I might be kept centred and watchful. We lodged at Hockerill, and the ride was pleasant Fifth-da^. — Rose early, and, having to wait a little while, sat down and read ; but more sought to be quiet and to be kept guarded against the temptation of endeavouring to shine before a man of talent. During our ride, he talked a great deal about religion, poetry, and the people we are nearly connected with, in as interesting a manner as great intellec- tual endowments could produce. I arrived at the Grove in the evening : my father was gone to Keswick, and I had nearly an hour before be came home, tired and exhausted, to collect myself. Sixth-day. — Rode with my father to Cromer. The idea of arriving, as we approached nearer, did not excite much feeling ; the knowledge of being different from my sisters gave me pain, as I found it had done them. Fifth-day. — Emma* met with an accident. I was almost surprised to find my increased confidence under circumstances of alarm with a mind at ease. Sixth-day. — Went to meeting — some Friends there; per- haps never have my feelings been so deep. The exercise of it was great, but it was comfortable to partake in a degree of that silence I have so often longed for. Rode home with my father, and, though he did not say much, the nearness he seemed to feel for me was most sweet. . * iler sister. ^T. 21.] 1808. 27 Seventh-day. — In this week ray joy has been increasing, and my buideu decreasing. I have desired humility which can alone secure in mc that [spiritual] prosperity which I now feel great ; but how apt is all prosperity to puff up ; nothing but the power of Omnipotence on the mind can, I am per- suaded, counteract its effects. May I ever remember what my father said to me, — that the longer he lived, the more careful, observation made him not to judge of others ; for he had often found that profession puffeth up, possession alone humbleth. Fifth-day. — The meeting with Rachel Gurney and Anna Buxton was agitatingly interesting, but in the midst of it a peace and satisfaction which is indeed abundant recompense. Dear Anna returned with me ; we were silent during the ride ; I felt nearly united to her. How sweet it is to feel that degree of union, which, I firmly believe, if we continue faithful, will increase in time and be made sure in eternity. To dinner came Saint [the mathematical teacher]. I talked to him about the state of the mathematical world, which was interesting to me ; but I felt the danger of knowledge puffing up. It has several times been a question with me, if I should not almost entirely give up further acquirement in the mathematics; but I believe, if kept secondary, this study is a handmaid to virtue. It certainly enlarges the scope of the mind, and gives power. Qth. — Mamma, Anna, and I went to meeting ; the ride back M'ith mamma pleasant, agreeing about the effect of bringing up children with the external marks of a Friend. bth. — I was requested to use my influence to encourage in the pui'suit of the one thing needful. This idea was most interesting at the time ; it has led me to consider what the manner of our influence over one another ought to be, and I have believed that we can only exert it by showing the sweet fruits of devotion, manifested by those actions which spring from peace and love ; for if we are under the government of the spirit of love, a kindness of manner will be shown to all, which will in a degree soften and allure those whose hearts are not entirely hardened ; but as to any immediate influence, I believe, we can only affect the 28 1808. [^T. 21. individual as we are under the guidance of Divine love and power. Sixth-day. — Went to meeting with mamma and Anna. In going, mamma desired me to read the first Chapter of Penn's " No Cross, No Crown." I acknowledged it true. When I had heard it before, I honestly pleaded guilty, with a heavy heart, and unmoved " Will not." How mercifully has adorable Goodness, by arraying Truth in the garment of Love, allured me to her, and strengthened me to embrace her ! First-day, Wth. — Cromer. My father spoke at meeting, which he has done several times lately. In riding there, I read a little in Job Scott. I have once or twice wished I had read more of Friends' books before I changed ;* for the little I know has sometimes been a comfort to me. Rode home with in her carriage. Would that all felt from experience that no liberty affords equal enjoyment to the glorious liberty of the cross of Christ ! Second-day . — Could not make mamma enter into my motives for preferring to wear stuff to silk ; that I did not feel wearing stuff or silk made a person better or worse, but the thing T have seen needful for myself was becoming in appearance a Friend. It has seemed to me that the general appearance is the thing we are to look to, and not to reason about the particulars that compose it.f Mamma, I believe, could not enter into my idea, that if we are marked as Friends, it should be done correctly, " One thing or the other," has been my maxim through life ; but I fear I did not behave with proper consideration and gentleness. If w e lose the banner of love even in the defence of right, we are not leaning for de- pendence on that strength which can alone support what is right. Fifth-day. — Drank tea at the P s. I felt the awkward- * It may be hardly necessary to remark that this, and some similar expressions employed by her about this time, refer to that work of Divine grace in her soul which had been accompanied by many out- ward indications of her allegiance to her Divine Master. t Silk waa at that time very expensive, — twice its present price ; and was consequently then but little worn by Friends generally. ^T. 21.] 1808. 29 ness of being a Friend ; it wciglied upon me, but I was sensible of its preserving influence and was humbled under it, which I was thankful for, as feeling it a wholesome state, in which we are led to seek for help. Seventh-day. — How true it is we have infinitely more of this world by being made willing to surrender it ! My am- bition to be well-bred and liking for Avell-bred people have increased. I believe this will be a dangerous rock for me ; for, though I think it is a good thing to possess — truth always keeping the upper hand — as it gives confidence and ease of manner without rudeness, and great consideration for others ; yet true politeness is, I believe, only in the possession of those whose every action is under the influence of that love which vital Christianity can alone infuse into the heart. One has the semblance of virtue, the other is virtue : the one may be the result of the spirit of the fine arts, the other that of Christianity. Second-day . — Every imagination of the heart of man is evil, or of evil eff'ect. Pride ! thou art a great enemy of mine ; I almost believe thou dost now attack me more vehemently than ever. Fourth-day . — My father, mother, and Jane went to Norwich in the morning. Truly happy, and thought of what I had read in Lord Bacon, — that the face of reason was towards truthj that of action towards goodness ; so having settled my household, and done all the good 1 could think of by action, I set my face towards reason. Went into my own room, and read his " Advancement of Learning"" for an hour or two. It is admirable to see how far human wit can go, and pleasant to enjoy it, when the heart is at ease. Let my earnest endeavour be directed to attain consistency of character : it is not in man of himself to acquire it ; but " My presence shall go with thee and I will give thee rest," is the language of Him that was, and is, and is to come. First-day, 2Sth. — Ride and meeting interesting. I think I have begun to feel what deep spiritual labour is. May I be preserved from fainting under it ! Second-day. — General W came after breakfast. Walked down to the shore with him. He was particularly 30 1808. [.ET. 21. kind to me. 1 fear his attentions lay a snare for my humility in more ways than one. Fourth-day. — "Went to Earlham with Richenda. The plea- sure and interest altogether put me off my guard. Thou hast never more occasion to watch than in tliose moments when thy heart is warmly excited by tliose thou hast loved so dearly. Seventh-day. — This week has been spent chiefly in attend- ing to . I hope I have been useful. Had I, as formerly, depended upon no other food for my mind than what was intellectual, I should have been dull to a degree ; but instead, I was usually cheerful and happy ; yet I have not lost my relish for intellectual pleasure. Third-day. — How is life now changed for me ! Those times when I used to be most gay and sprightly are now those when I feel the pruning-hook ; when I used to be dull and disconsolate, I am now commonly full of joy. Fifth-day. — My mind in a high tone this morning. Read a little of Milton. Went down to bathe — a most beautiful morning — swam capitally — and went home disappointed at not seeing the H s. But the morning was so fine, and I was so happy, that I did not like to sit down to read : so, after some consultation within myself, I resolved to walk by the side of the cliff and go down to the shore. The scene was beautiful ; the sea coloured in the finest manner. Many ships. It was one of the most glorious sights I ever beheld, and I enjoyed it alone ; but still I felt how little outward objects were soul-satisfying. A drive with Jane in the mule cart, and then walked nearly from Beckhive home. The shore was sweet, and my mind turned to its chief Love, with earnest desires, first, that those to whom I feel most nearly united, then the whole world, might come to know how sweet He is ; that every action might be so under his government that I may glorify his cause on the earth. Yet what need have I of preservation from the danger of attributing any of the praise to self May it be solely to glorify Thee that I endeavour to make myself agreeable to dLUj one ! But who that is filled with Thy joy and fear does not manifest them by his words, manners, and actions ? Then Air. 21.] 1808. 31 what a sweet savour they have ! Ever give me this fear, and joy when it is good for me. Fourth-day. — Called on the s in the morning. They discomposed me a good deal by talking of Friends, seeming to have no correct idea of them. How deep must the foundation be laid to support our sacred profession in its true majesty and beauty ! None but the regenerate man can do it. I felt hurt at the conversation of the morning; but may blame myself almost always for unhappiness. I should have left them sooner, or tried to turn the subject. Became more cool by the time the s came in the evening. This day and in many of the last, I thought a great deal ; but oh ! for that word which says, " Peace be still." Sixth-day. — This day I began again to read ; but the cul- tivation of my intellectual part has been the subject of many a thought, whether it would not injure that which I love better. I never was so capable of vigorous attention, as my heart never was so easy, my head never so clear. I feel the danger of it for myself ; but still I believe with bounds I may pursue it ; and these bounds I thought were active duties, even the minor ones, little attentions, &c. Whenever these are called for, the other must be sacrificed. Still, if I carefully husband my time, head may have some attention paid it ; and it will be fine exercise of my patience and temper never to be disturbed by interruptions, however interested I may be in my pursuit : if I am, the proper watch is not kept up. Seventh-day. — General W at breakfast. I knew, and in a degree felt, how much I needed a preserving power to watch over me to guard me from being led away by the worldly honour that his very marked attentions give. Were my heart as it should be, I believe I should not feel elated in any degree by it ; but I know where to apply for help against all that is at enmity with my soul's salvation. Where should I have been tossed had I not found this anchor ? I was glad that next day was meeting day, for there perhaps I have more deeply known my centre than anywhere else. First-day, 9th. — I felt more quiet, mj mind raised above the dazzling splendour of worldly greatness. First-day, \6th. — I often long for meeting, and am not 32 1809. [^T. 22. generally disappointed in its effects upon me. John Wagstaffe's funeral in the afternoon. Death, though rather comfortahle than terrible to me now, is full of awfulness when the idea of it is brought home. Fifth-day. — My father took me into the study to warn me against being hurt by people's kindness and love for me. Fourth-day. — Went to s about a cloak which has cost my mind some indecision. Not what things are, but the character they mark, is what I look to in my clothes. I believe the true spirit of my profession is the opposite of that of doing penance, and I wish to avoid every likeness of it ; but in avoiding one reproach do not cast a worse upon it — extravagance. Fifth-day. — Dined at Earlham with all the family. On returning I felt real pleasure at unexpectedly seeing Jonathan Hutchinson. After supper he desired me to sit down, and addressed me in the kindest manner, warning me that our enemy was an unwearied one, and pursued us in every way ; that we should carefully watch to distinguish the voice of the true Shepherd ; that this voice was not in the whirlwind, but it was the still small voice. He kindly hoped not to dis- courage me. He believed the Lord's work was on the wheel, and that He would gather his lambs into his bosom. My heart acknowledged the truth of what he said, and I thanked him for it. Fifth-day. — Self, I am daily more persuaded, is my great enemy, and I fear I do not combat suflSciently against the love of it. Now, if I would endeavour to be a follower of Christ, ought I not to wrestle with every enemy that would prevent my feeling [grieved] for those who are separated from it ? 9th of 2nd mo., 1809. — Twenty-two years old. Through Divine mercy, great is the change that this year has wrought in me. The love of God has enticed me to begin that spiritual journey which leads to the promised land. I have left, by his guidance and strength, the bondage of Egypt, and I have seen his wonders in the deep. May the endeavour of my life be to keep close to that " Angel" [of his presence] who can deliver us from the trials and dangers of this world ! I have not studied much this year, yet I have almost every day read a little, .Ki: 22.] 180!). 33 and uevcr wus my sight so clear into the intellectual world. Stud}^ may, I believe, usefully occupy some portions of time. With regard to externals, man does not so often put me in fear, so I am more easy. 10th. — Felt very peaceful and satisfied in active employ- ment ; but conscious of the deep watchfulness it requires not to be driven from my centre by it, even if the object of it be attention to the poor. 16ih. — This last week has been chiefly employed in pre- paring for a school. 1 have been satisfied iti active employ- ment, as leaving the heart more leisure than study does ; but I have felt the continual proof it makes of our wisdom, and that that wisdom must be from above : if we do not possess it, we had better be quiet. b 34 1811. [m. 24. CHAPTER in. HER MARRIAGE DOMESTIC LIFE CAl-L TO THE MINISTRY DEATH OF HER ELDEST CHILD, AND OF HER SISTER BIRKHECK ILLNESS AT PETERBOR^UGH HER EARLY MENTAL EXERCISES AND EXPE- RIENCE JONATHAN BACKHOUSE ALSO A MINISTER. In the foregoing chapters we have traced the growth and gradual development of H. C. Gurney's mind, and the formation of her character. We have seen the pursuits of literature, of science and of taste, employing her powers, and cultivated by her with no common success. We have seen the glory of this world tarnished in her view, and partly under the influence of youthful grief, but more especially under the immediate operation of the Holy Spirit, her affections weaned from temporal objects and turned towards the treasure in Heaven that fadeth not away. Yet the process indeed appears to have been very little dependent upon any outward means. To our imperfect sight she seems to have been for a time groping her way in the quest of Him whom her soul loved ; but the extracts which have been given from her journal, and others which, to avoid repetition, have been suppressed, bear evidence that He was himself becoming to her " the chiefest among ten thousand and altogether lovely and though we see, it is true, more of the e/^ects of her love to Him in her willingness to deny herself and take up the cross, than we do of the clear and distinct reception in her understanding of the doctrine of " Jesus Christ and Him crucified," we cannot doubt what was really the -KT. 24.J 1811. 35 nature of the tree which bore this fruit, and we see in her subsequent hfe, and especially in the clearness, the soundness, and the power of her gospel ministry, abun- dant illustration of the truth that he who doeth the will of the Father shall know of the doctrine of Christ, both of its authority and its nature. A period now succeeds devoid of any very striking religious experience, and one moreover, respecting which, scarcely any memoranda of her own exist to aid us in tracing her course. H. C. Gurney was mai-ried in the spring of 1811, to Jonathan Backhouse, of Darlington, to whom she was closely united in the bonds of spiritual as well as natural affection, and who proved a helpmate peculiarly fitted to her need in her remarkable course in life. A description in her own words of the entrance upon her new home may here be interesting. Blackwell, near Darlington, 19th of 6tli mo., 1811. My Dear Mother, The thought of my parents and their kindness has often half choked me ; new circumstances have tended to remind me of my affection for you. They are circumstances which are more pleasant than I expected, more than can often be found, and more than I think I have yet been sufficiently grateful for. In my husband's family there does not appear to be one whom it is difficult to love, and their habits of intercourse are com- fortable and easy. My father and mother Backhouse are very kind, and the young people an unusually pleasing nice-looking set. We have been receiving company these last three afternoons, and many agreeable people came. Perhaps I am too old to be much excited by being stared at. I am a bride, and a bride here is the puppet show of the day. As to my house and the situation, I believe it will really please thee, or thou u 2 36 18U. [jet. 27. must be most unreasonably ambitious if it does not ; and for myself, as liousekeeper; I think I fairly promise not to tarnish the glory of my ancestors. I hardly like to be writing in this waj^, when I consider the circumstances you are now in with regard to my dear Uncle Gui'ney. The remembrance of him is pleasant though affecting to mc. Thy most aflPectionate child, H. C. Backhouse. She now devoted herself to domestic objects, with the ardour which she had formerly given to intellectual pursuits. Her mental and physical powers were for a time almost absorbed by the cares and pleasures of her family. Conjugal duties, the i-egulation of her establishment and the training of her children, consti- tuted almost her sole occupation. In the government of the latter she was firm ; her words were few but emphatic, and once uttered, were not easily forgotten. Often a single look stood in place of a command or a reproof. The following are among the few entries in her journal between 1809 and 1820 : — Eighth Month, 1813. — These last four years are, perhaps, best left in that situation in which spiritual darkness has in great measure involved them. It may be that the sweet and new objects of external love and necessary attention in which I have been engaged, have too much drawn my mind from internal watchfulness, after the first flow of spiritual joy began to subside ; or it has been the will of the Author of all blessing to change the dispensation, and taking from me the light of his love, in which all beauty and virtue so easily and naturally exist, to teach me that the glory of all good belongs to Him alone, and that He is indeed jealous of our decking ourselves with his jewels. Eleventh Month, 1814. — How hard, but how necessary .ET. 29.] 1816. 37 a lesson it is, to learn to suffer the will of God without the consolations of his Spirit — how much hai'dcr than to do his will in the light of his countenance ! Permit me in all the dispensations of Thy providence to learn wisdom, and feelingly to know this — that all wisdom is from above. Unless we were sometimes left to ourselves, we could hardly know this great truth, — that we are poor, weak, miserable, and blind. Subsequently to this period her father's family was visited by severe affliction. Her two only brothers, Joseph and Henry, young men of great promise, were removed by death just as they were entering upon manhood. These affecting events occurred in 1815 and 1816; and in the following year her sister Rachel died at Nice, after a long and suffering illness. The winter of 1815-16 w^as passed by H. C. Back- house at Exmouth, whither she went to help in the care of her invalid sister. A third child, her daughter A nn, was here added to the family. Exmouth, 22nd of 2nd mo., 1816. My Dearest, It is a great comfort to hear so good an account of thee, and that we are in thy mind so often, and in a manner that is so consoling in the pain of sepa- ration. I do indeed crave thy preservation every way, and the belief that we may be stronger together than when separated is a sweet idea, though it makes the seriousness of separation the greater, and requires a strong confidence in our motives for it to render it justifiable. Dear Jonathan is a sweet companion. When I told him in a cheerful way that thou wast in London with his grand- mamma, his enquiries were very earnest, and his voice soon faltered, so that I thought it wisest to leave the subject. I feel very peaceful in being here, and cannot question its propriety. Since this last attack, I think there is an increase of disease in poor llachel. 38 1820. [.CT. 33. Aunt Jane and tlie cliildren have high romps together; they seem a great relaxation to her, and no cue makes the babe more merry than she does. Exraoutli, 19tli of 3rcl mo., 1816. My Dearest, I delayed writing yesterday, in the expec- tation of doing so with more zest after the receipt of thy letter this morning, and I have not been disappointed. Thy letters are quite a feast to me, for my heart sometimes sinks at the vacancy thy absence leaves. It did yesterday, at times, more than usual. After breakfast I took Jonathan and Jane to the shore. It was luxuriously warm — the tide was full and the sea calm ; vessels sailing about, and the opposite coast very conspicuous, making it one of the finest views I ever beheld. I felt more alive to the beauty of the scenery than I often am, and was cheered in seeing my dear babes enjoying themselves this sweet day. I have been hearing Jonathan his lesson almost every day since thou mentioned it ; but he is neither very apt nor very willing just now. With dear love to you, Most truly thine, H. C. Backhouse. First Month, 1820. — Our brother, Edward Backhouse, gone to Sunderland, with the thought of residing there, a thing felt seriously and tenderly ; considerations also about our moving into his house. Felt the importance of such steps ; yet, perhaps we think more about them than is desirable. I have longed that light, not selfishness, may direct us in them ; and, though there is a right position for all things in this worldj and much of our spiritual and temporal interest may depend upon it, yet oh ! that we may not give them more than tlicir due place in our minds. ^T. 33.] 1820. 39 Third Month. — Moved into my brother Edward's house (South-End), in which I have felt comfortable and satisfied. Spent the day with my husband, going to Staindrop Meeting and Cockfield. ***** After returning from a visit to Sunderland, H. C. Backhouse writes : — I had felt for some time, and particularly of late, a warm concern for the religious interest of our family circle, which, to my humiliation, surprise, and consolation, I was strength- ened to express in a private opportunity with them before I left Sunderland. On our ride home, I felt the candle of the Lord shine round about me in a manner I had not done for years, accompanied with much tenderness, and some foreboding fears. I felt I had put my hand to the plough, and must not look back ; but I remembered the days that are past, and I knew something of the power of Him in whom I had believed. Many removals and changes in this meeting [Darlington] throw me into a new and important sphere, which has brought me into some feeling. I see I ought to be, what is likely to fall to my lot, an overseer. My heart has burned as an oven ; internal and external supplications have not been wanting to ease it. May I endure the burnings as I ought ! In allusion to attending the Yearly Meeting in London soon afterwards, she remarks : — For the young people I felt a new and unusual interest. On one occasion I believe I ought to have spoken, for the subject was pretty clear before me, and my mind could receive no sense of good all the day. * * * * I afterwards spoke twice in the Women's Yearly Meeting, and the composure at the moment, and after a time the sense of peace which ensued, seemed to assure me that I had not run without being sent. The remembrance of former days 40 1820. [.Ki: 33. came strongly before rac, and in thus again publicly mani- festing the intent of my heart I felt the comfort of being no stranger to that hand which, as it once fed me with milk, seemed to me now, after a long night season, to be feeding me with meat. After the Yearly Meeting was over, I attended a meeting of dear Betsy's [Elizabeth J. Fry] about her prison discipline, which was very interesting. In the First-day morning meeting, at Plaistow, it seemed so clear to me that I should speak, that I ventured to do so. I was favoured, though in deep fear, with a conscious upright- ness of soul, and with a marked concurrence in the minds of those I dearly love, my own mother's especially, though both she and my dear husband were much affected by it. The sense of love and liberty in my own soul afterwards, made it ready to enjoy the company I was in during the remainder of the day. Ari'ived at home the 20th of Sixth Month. It was a treat indeed to me to have all my dear little ones together, aud to find them pretty well. Seventh Month. — The trivial things of this world have somewhat oppressed me. Is not my spirituality on the borders of idleness and love of self-indulgence? Have been working hard with my dear mother on house-linen and settling my house, with a heart so sunk as to be very un- willing to attend to these necessary things ; but I hope they may be in better order than they have been. I often see the virtue and excellency of active life, and feel the pressure of another. However, I live in the faith and hope that both may brighten. As to spirituals, the thought had rather beset me, how, if it were required of me, should I ever be able to kneel down [in vocal prayer] at meeting ; but this mountain has been removed, and a sweet flow of peace and love returned into ray bosom. A heavy trial now awaited J. and H. C. Backliouse in the death of their son Jonathan, a lovely boy, eight .CT. 33.] 1820. 41 years of age. The event is thus alhuled to in the journal : — On this period I do not know liow to dwell. After a lin- gering illness of some weeks, which did not make us par- ticularly anxious, and from which he seemed much recovered — so as I think to go to school again — our dear eldest child became very ill ; and, after the best medical treatment, in which much hope was given, he expired in a convulsion fit in my arms. I seemed at the time hardly sensible of the depth of the sorrow. Dear E. Fry, being in the north, came to the funeral and preached consolingly at meeting, desiring that the language of our minds might be, " Do with me what thou wilt, only make me what thou wouldst have me to be." The meeting had been peaceful to me, and I believe I was kept from undue excitement. At the head of the grave, light arid love filled my soul, and I was soon enabled to express my desire that we might humbly return thanks for the mercies we had received. We had a sweet evening with many of our friends, whose sympathy has been precious, and has brought them very near to me. But oh ! the loss is great, and the separation bitter. He was a truly tender-spirited, sweet child ; I was not worthy of him. Had w,e in all our ways kept nearer the Fountain of light and love, I have sometimes thought — but it has not deeply oppressed me — we might have had him pre- served to us. But he is gone a little before us, and the belief in a re-union after death has at times been consohng to me, W'here transgression is washed away in the blood of the Lamb, and infinite mercy eternally adored in perfect and inseparable union with the souls that we have loved. Memorandum written 4th of Eleventh Month, 1820. Oh ! " how great is Thy goodness which TIiou hast laid up for them that fear Thee ; which Thou hast wrought for tliem that trust in Thee before the sons of men \" In looking back to tl)e last two or three months, I feel T may adopt this lan- guage, although in them I have known the greatest portion of suffering that it has yet been my lot to taste. 42 1820. [^T. 33. To Marta Fox. Darlington, ISth of 11th ino., 1820. My Dear Maria, I cannot but believe that we have both of us of late drunk of a deeper cup of suffering than either has ever tasted before. May it have made us really more tender- hearted, and therefore more alive to true enjoyment as well as suffering ! My life seems to me materially changed ; the home of life shaken, in so much nearer an acquaintance with death. It has been deeply affecting to me ; but at moments, the hope beyond it has entered most consolingly and cheeringly into my heart. How many who have been bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh, and with whose minds we may have been as intimately acquainted as with our own, have now entered an unchangeable state, and may we not humbly trust, have, through much conflict and tribulation, been permitted to unite with the song of the redeemed ! The journal is resumed : — Soon after this event, my dear brother and sister Birkbeck came to us at Seaton, where we had removed for a week or two on account of the children's health. It proved no time of rest, for our dear Henry took cold, and had a severe illness for some weeks. Inexpressibly kind and tender was my dear sister in this my deeply-tried state of mind ; for the illness of my beloved child made me tremblingly alive to every touch. The excellence of her natural powers, as weD as the sweetness of her disposition and consideration for others, was very striking. There was a deep gravity, a carelessness of passing and inferior objects, that I thought portended change — I fondly hoped a substantial change — from the pursuit of earthly things, in whatever form they had attracted her, to the pursuit and possession of heavenly things ; but this, in the manner I had desired, I was not to see. I was going on in my various relationships more comfortably than usual, when, after some favourable accounts of my dear xi\ 34.] 1821. 43 sister's confinement with a son, we received another— of her being very ill ; and, after a suspense of some days, in which hope was uppermost, one of no hope. At North Allerton [on our road to Norwich] the account of her death reached us. It deeply affected me. After attending the funeral : — I visited my dear cousin Priscilla Gurney, in the last stage of consumption. Her mind was peaceful and clear. " Be faithful, there is nothing like it," was among the few sen- tences I heard her speak. Whilst under the pressure of these sorrows an alarm- ing account of Jonathan Backhouse's father induced them to set off hastily for home. The exertion was too much for her, and they were obliged to stop at Peter- borough, where she became seriously ill. Her father and mother soon came to her, and the wise and skilful nursing of the latter materially promoted her recovery. The three weeks thus passed was a time of much suffer- ing to herself, and of great anxiety to her watchful attendants. Looking back upon this period, after describing her bodily and mental suffering, she says : — A visit from dear Jonathan Hutchinson brought a feeling of peace and refreshment over my mind, which seemed for a time to heal it, and once or twice I felt tendered by my dear father's readings, and by the sweetness and power of his prayers. 1 could bear but little reading, hardly anything but the Bible, and the simple narrative suited me best. When well enough to be removed, H. C. Backhouse returned to Norwich, and afterwards went to Cromer, where her health gradually impi'oved. Of the time spent in Norfolk she writes : — I had little comfort in my own mind, but ray dear parents were inexpressibly near and dear to me, and I could often 44 1821. [^T. 34. enjoy their company, and regret that the great care of myself, and my weakness, kept me so much from them. One morning, after the reading in my room, my dear father sweetly returned thanks for my recovery, and in terms which I forget, seemed to devote me to the service of his Lord. I went to the Quarterly Meeting at Norwich, in so low a state of body as to have hardly power for a serious thought ; however, I was enabled to discharge what I felt as a debt from me to the meeting, in a supplication that seemed like a renewed bond to devote myself to a service which I have been made to love. The deep flow of peace into ray own heart during the rest of the day was a sweet confirmation to me. I spent some part of it with my father, when the rest were gone to the meeting for business. I think I hardly ever felt such union of spirit and love and tenderness as I did in those hours with him. He said he could scarcely refrain from tears all day. We spent three interesting weeks in Norwich, nursing my dear father, who suffered much, and at times he appeared so ill as almost to alarm us. It often afforded sweet opportu- nities of being with him ; and how I did delight in his spirit and humility ! One day I had an interesting ride alone with him to North Walsham, where he was led to minister a good deal in a very small meeting, and joining with him in heart and word was very sweet to me. On our return, he touched upon his family losses, and the consolations which he had received under them. To HER Husband. Grove, .5lh of 4tli mo., 1821. I truly believe that the more faithful we are to our Lord and Master, the more we shall love and be united to each other. Thy account of the visit to was sweet to me. Implicitly obey thy Master, and every time we receive such warning and encouragement, surely it is a strong call to trust in Him more fully on occasions which may afterwards present -CT. 35.] 1822. themselves. It is not a day to hide our talent in a napkin. Surely if any people have been visited, Ave have. Let us, therefore, be endeavouring to render according to the benefit received. We must not look too much at what others do. It is to our own Master we stand or fall ; and the more we follow Him with a single eye, the more we shall be permitted to feel united to those who are endeavouring to walk by the same rule, though He may see meet to give us different stations in the church. So I believe we shall be led to prize our friends, though not doing as we do, because we may see them at their own posts, guarding against the enemy in a different quarter, which may leave us more at liberty for ours. I am sure in the course of my life I can set my seal to this truth, — that it is in the day of the Lord^s power, his people are made a willing people, and I do desire that, in this his day, when He is again manifesting his power on our souls, we may make use of this willingness to follow Him with alacrity, whithersoever He may please to lead us. After leaving Norfolk, the journal continues : — On arriving at home, I think I may say, peace and thank- fulness covered my heart. I did enjoy being there once again, and after the intense suffering — I do not think the term too strong — thati have passed through, the pause seemed delightful. I was still very weak, and had my household almost entirely to arrange again, which took all the time and attention I was equal to. These new arrangements cost me some serious thought about manner of living. I had begun to feel that Christian discipline should extend to this part of our conduct, and that perhaps no circumstances warrant its being sumptuous. The meetings now became very interesting to me, and as the reward of what I am induced to believe was faithfulness, they were greatly refreshing. I went to the Quarterly Meeting at Newcastle; the sense of religious exercise was hardly off my mind ; one thing succeeded another, but I believe I had the unity of Friends. Attended a funeral at Bishop Auckland ; I think I saw that had I been a little 40 1822 [^:t. 35. more patient under exercise I might liave done better ; but I had some sweet staidness of mind and peaee after speaking in the meeting. Fifth-day, \4:th of ^nd mo., 182.2. — At meeting to-day no words ; I felt quiet and refreshed afterwards. Found a young friend whom I called upon, had stayed at home [from meeting] pleading being busy with writing and other things. Doubtful whether to admonish. In virtue of my office [as overseer] , and perhaps of my own feelings, I think I must. Fifth-day, 2lst of 2nd mo. — Did (not a little in the cross) what I thought I was bid, which was kindly received, and I think tended to the peace of my own mind. I long to see a deeper frame of spirit pervade people after meeting. Some satisfaction this week in visiting the poor. First-day, 7th of 3rd mo. — In the afternoon meeting a subject seemed so clear before me that I ventured to speak ; but oh ! the evil of my heart, the consciousness of having, or supposing I had, chosen my words well, was like the fly in the ointment of the apothecary, the baneful effects of which I felt many days after. The more I see of my own mind, the more I am conscious of impurity. May the lan- guage of my soul be, " If Thou wilt. Thou canst make me clean." A visit from my dear cousin Rachel Pease, and Mary Cudworth, humbling and sweet to me. \^th of 3rd mo. — Went with my dear husband and brother John to Auckland ; I felt my inexperience in the service, had many fears of having exceeded my commis- sion, or of not being patient enough in it, yet on returning home felt sweet peace, and dear love and unity with my husband, who was much in the same state ; glad of my brother John's company, and was sensible of his deeper spiritual gifts. 6th of 5th mo. — Last night I did not keep close enough to my Guide in prayer, on account of which I felt some distress ; perhaps not altogether wrong, but had not stopped when I ought, nor w-aited sufficiently for clearness and strength in the exercise. I hope I shall not hurt others. 6th of 6th mo. — A month has now passed in which at ^T. 36.] 1823. 47 times T have been enabled to enjoy the h)ve of God and man in my heart. A sweet parting First-day with our friends going to the Yearly Meeting. Some interesting ministerial engagements, if I may call them so, following dedication to gentle pointings of duty. How much soever I may enjoy the feast of fat things, I have learnt to fear its effects on a disposition such as my own, not naturally humble. Came to Harrowgate with all our family on the 5th, for my benefit and dear Gurney's, still a delicate child. I think we are both better, and, if there be anything in the exercise of gifts, it has led to some and not very exalting service. Where and what am I ? Can I ever pursue the path I have been led into, in humility and self-denial, as well as faith ? How tempest-tossed my mind has been, and yet at times may I say sweetly comforted ! Some meetings precious, though I have gone to them in the sense of great bodily and mental weakness. Darlmgto7i, Wth of Wth mo. — At Harrowgate, my dear cousin Rachel Pease brought me the news of our Monthly Meeting having very unanimously recommended me to the meeting of ministers and elders. I felt it a great relief, and also 1 trust humbling ; this mark of approval was very sweet to me. Have been gradually improving in health, and I trust in some stability of mind, though it has been often much tossed. To-day my dear father and mother left us. It has been pecu- liarly interesting to have them here; but their being in the decline of life, and ourselves fully arrived at the meridian, has been affecting to me. My mother's active kindness and consideration for our comforts great, my father's uprightness and simplicity of mind very striking ; a treat to hear him again [in ministry], and to have his unity as well as my dear mother's. 27th of \st mo., 1823. — My husband's concern as to the ministry becoming very heavy, accompanied with much disquietude from not having given way to what he had thought too slight impressions, I have ventured, under a belief that he is truly called to it, to encourage him to act ; I have had much satisfaction in doing so, as I dreaded a call, which I believed to be a right one, not being obeyed. For 1823. [.tT. 30. M'ant of yielding to these gentle intiiuatious many, I believe, are marred on the wheel. What destruction has such neglect made in the peace and prosperity of individuals and of families ! To m}^ relief, he has again spoken in our meeting, and the state of his mind has assured me that we wei'e not wrong; still it is a fearful thing, and v.e had need to be very watchful. Hom" important is a true birth in the ministry ! may none neglect such a day of visitation ! If they keep humble as well as faithful, they will no doubt be preserved, to their own unspeakable consolation in Christ, and to that of others. 20//i of 2nd mo. — Obliged to stay at home this morning from a slight affection on the chest, which added to great nervous debility, makes me pass through hours of deep suffering. The love of life is so strong, that I seem as though I could hardly bend with submission to the thought of its being cut off. Sometimes I would fain believe these feelings are but a baptism for service and for the trial and refinement of self ; and then I fear to be deluded in supposing myself to be thus wanted. This morning I remembered the words, " Whatever is brought upon thee take cheei'fully, and be patient when thou art changed to a low estate." In every other respect except this plague of the heart, and infirmity of body, how I am blessed ! My husband I believe loving the truth and growing in it, and truly affectionate to me ; children altogether well and happy ; surrounded by kind friends, and as many external comforts as I could desire ; and in the midst of this, some taste of better things. 27/A of 2nd mo. — A very interesting conference with men Friends at the Monthly Meeting at Stockton, to which, though feeling very weak, I thought I would not omit going. In it Isaac Stephenson laid before us the prospect he had long had of visiting America. I have not often been so sensible of a depth of feeling and sympathy, in myself and in those present. At the conclusion I felt a renewal of strength both naturally and spiritually, which revived my faith in the Shepherd and Keeper of Israel, and in the truth that, though death and darkness may sui'rouud us for a time, the eternal life of the soul hid with Christ in God is no cunningly devised fable. 36.] 1823. 49 7th of 37-d mo. — I have felt tliat giving way to depres- sion is virtually mistrusting the mercy of Him for whose pleasure we are and were created. We had better tryio be actively engaged if we can ; though not so earnestly as to draw the mind from its centre. 30th of 4th mo. — I have much to bind me to this earth. Its cares I feel ; but perhaps more power of gratcfull}'' enjoying its blessings is wanted, and may be in store for me before I leave it. A pleasant call from a friend ; — some minds seem deeply anchored in the truth, meekly and patiently bearing the trials of the day with firmer faith and greater purity than others ; but each heart alone knows its own bitterness, and I believe there is never high attainment with- out much suffering. In weakness of body and fear of mind, I entered upon the Yearly Meeting. The select meetings being new to me, subjected me to fresh conflict ; but I think I derived instruction as well as comfort from attending them. Being chosen to assist at the table in the women's meeting, I managed, I believe, to read audibly the little which there was for me to do. In the midst of all my soul's enemies, it yielded some satisfaction to myself: the post, I believe, was an instructive one to me. For want of faith and promptness in the first place, and afterwards for want of patience, either to let the matter drop, or to find a more suitable opportunity for expressing it, I sadly ill-timed a con- cern ; for which I was most publicly, though not personally, set down. I saw I had been wrong, aud thought the wounds of a friend better than the kisses of an enemy : it might have its use in humbling me. Oh ! for a due spirit of subjection, free from slavish fear of man, or a looking to any other than the great Head of the Church. In returning home we spent part of First-day at Doncaster, and in our measure had much service. We set off' just before the afternoon meeting, which left a sting that I hope we shall not soon forget. May it be a lesson in futui'e to beware how we violate soob^aous a duty as that of attending our meetings regularly, or break unnecessarily the quiet and orderly spending of the Fii'st-day. The Yearly Meeting's Epistle was very good on the subject this year. E 50 1823. [.ET. 3G. Some weeks of this suninicr and autumn were spent with her parents bj the sea-side. First-day, 17 th of Sth mo. — Went to our Cromer meeting. All our family circle, and many besides, not Friends, were present. I felt sitting down among them, but was strengthened to do what I believe was my duty, and had peace after it ; but oh ! the dangers attending such a mind as mine. Keep Thou the door of my lips, and may the praise be alone thine ! I wish these services to pass off my mind, and all curiosity as to the impression on others to be subdued ; for there is danger in it. 22nd.— The common routine of the day has passed more peacefully and cheerfully than often. Meetings interesting. 24^A. — Felt low and condemned for offering unformed opinions. Paid one or two religious visits, which, after a time, brought a ray of peace over my mind, as did also some services in our little meeting here ; but oh, the mending our own net : I often feel mine full of holes, — the little I converse about not always in a right and charitable spirit, nor esteem- ing others better than myself. We left Cromer on the 6th of Tenth Month, after an in- teresting farewell meeting, and parting with our friends. Seaton, 20M of 12th mo. — Since I last wrote, my husband has been confined for several weeks by an intermittent fever ; many very trying anxious moments, much fag both of body and mind. Patience, thou hast been tried, and thy stock not found sufficient ! Children, and the education of them, a subject of too much anxiety. Too sensible perhaps of idleness and awkwardness; too earnest for, and valuing too highly, intellectual cultiva- tion, easy action, and decorum of manner. Find a pleasant friend in my new sister Katharine Back- house. Monthly Meeting interesting to me : I should have better faith in my own judgment of it if I felt it so while inactive ; for I observe inactive members generally think the times low. Oh self ! thou art the very serpent in my way, and wheresoever this foot of mine doth tread, thou liest .KT. 36.] 1823. 51 before it. Desired that Friends might never hear the seeond query (that on love) read without a deep self-cxaminatiou how far they kept a conscience void of offence in this im- portant matter. Good need have I to take the lesson home : let me deeply examine myself on it ! Refreshed by the retirement of this place. In the course of this year her husband was acknow- ledged as a minister by DarUngton Monthly Meeting ; and thus was the call of both of them to that Gospel service in which they were, during the rest of their joint lives, so often unitedly engaged to labour, fully recognized by the Church. e3 52 1824. [yET. 37. CHAPTER IV. DOMESTIC CARES RELIGIOUS DUTIES ILLNESS OF HER HUSBAND DEATH OF HER SECOND SON BIRTH OF HER YOITNGEST RENEWED HEALTH BUSINESS AFFAIRS. 31*/ of 1st mo., 1824. — Encouraged by reading the Life of Lady Maxwell. The feeling of fellowship with those out of our own pale is very enlarging and comforting. * * * The love of riches an enemy we need guard against. Many questions arise out of these things. Oh ! that truth may help and support usj whatever man may say of us. Children, servants, houses and lands, — all have been a subject of some anxious thought. lOlh of 2nd mo. — Oh ! my wandering thoughts and desires ; hard to know where proper attention ends and undue earnestness begins. At the Monthly Meeting, peti- tioned against the power of the enemy. He was very busy with me all day, though now and then a gleam of peace. 12//i ofZrd mo. — Rode with my husband to Hurworth, to call on a distressed gentleman and lady, and few sacrifices (for such I felt it to be, having long thought it my duty to go) have given me more peace, and the hope that one day my love for and ease with those not within the pale of our Society may increase. Often tried with my incompetency to manage my girls : anxious to do right towards them, and give thera the advantage of a substantial education ; but oh ! for the government of the temper. Fourth-day. — This day has been one of external and internal sunshine. The meeting to me sweet : said a few words in it much to my comfort. The burden of my desire was for young people to become really Christians, by being able to call God father, through that spirit of adoption which is given by a new birth, — that they may truly know Him as their guide, counsellor, and friend, in the important matters in which they may have to decide. I felt this especially with regard to marriage, though I did not say so. A sweet walk afterwards with ray sister Katharine. JKT. 37.] 1821. 53 Seventh-day. — Attended a Committee of the Female Charity. A day of peace and satisfaction. First-day. — Deeply exercising ; a stranger present being, I believe, the cause of it. His company afterwards convinced me I was not mistaken. The redemption of the soul is precious. What fools men are to halt between two opinions, when the love of God shows them what they ought to be ! Attended the Quarterly Meeting at Sunderland through much bodily infirmity. Was engaged in supplication for the rich, some of whom being present interested me a good deal. At Sunderland my husband was taken ill with ague, — a severe attack, which lasted with little intermission for nearly a mouth. It was a trying time to me. Poorly myself, I could scarcely be of any use to him, and felt T was adding much to the trouble of my brother's house. All my habits of being waited upon seemed to rise up to reproach me ; and yet I was afraid of exerting myself. Forbearance and kind- ness were truly manifested towards us. With all this sense of weakness, and wants, both natural and spiritual, I was not seldom engaged in the exercise of my gift. Our kind brother Richardson, at whose house we were, came home with us. To my acute feelings, the fine fresh air of the country, the verdure of the spring, and the scent of the flowers, were truly refreshing, and being with the dear children was a cause for thankfulness. I injured myself, I think for some time, by not seriously acknowledging it in my own house ; fear of doing too much, and of being led by nature rather than grace, — want of faith- fulness, in reality, — prevailing. My brother William left us for the Continent on the 28th of Fourth Month ; an interesting parting, in which my religious courage was put to some proof. Days have passed in my family very comfortably; a sense of more health than for some time, exhilarating. I do not remember any spring in which I have been so capable of enjoying the sweets of nature, which the fine weather has beautifully displayed. Our garden looking lovely, and the children playing about and enjoying themselves, a true pleasure to me. A little sound health, how superior an indulgence to the most downy bed ! 20th of 7th mo. — Much encouraged about my dear girls, who seem going on with great energy and good-humour. 54 1821.. [/ET. 37. 10th mo., Third-day. — A religious opportunity with dear Joseph [J. J. Gurney]. An interesting, encouraging, and very affecting time ; Avceping was a great relief to me, — the promise of coming out of all my valleys cheering, and in some bitter moments since has revived to my comfort and hope. Joseph's company very interesting to me. I could not but admire his almost unparalleled excellency of spirit, of understanding, and of nature, gifts and graces, — talents cul- tivated to so much active usefulness. We parted in much love. ISth qfWth mo. — My dear Gurney very ill, at times alarm- ingly so. Myself remarkably well, and generally preserved in a tz'anquillity and even cheerfulness of mind, M'hich, under my present circumstances, might make me ready to exclaim, "It is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in my eyes ! " My sister Emma came to us on the inst., when it seemed hardly likely the dear child would live long. A most acceptable moment. Her company very valuable to me. An interesting visit and parting with our dear friends Anna Forster and Abigail Dockray. I expressed in meeting on First-day my own state of mind, or what at least I desired it might be, — that come what may, we might answer the end of our being, and bring glory to Him who created us for that purpose. I felt jealous of myself, lest I might be too much prompted by circumstances ; but though fearful, did not feel condemned in it. — Our dear child died on the 23rd, and was buried on the 26th. I think I may say I have been mercifully dealt with and supported in this deep and awfully trying time, — health to pay him much personal attention, and composure of mind to take the many alleviations of the present hour ; and, when he could bear it (which was often the case), to be his cheerful and amusing companion. This and many other comforts I believe I can acknowledge as mercies not at our command ; yet I have had to pass through many hours when the waves completely covered my head, and when, in the proving of faith and patience, the day seemed as if it could not dawn. \Wi of 2nd mo., 1825. — My dear little Edmund is now nearly twelve weeks old, — a fine, fat, flourishing babe. A -EX. 38.] 1825. 55 greater portion of ease and joy has entered my mind since his birth than I have known for years ; not that tender recollections or tears are forgotten, I was confined in the evening of the First-day after his dear brother's interment. Two nights of more refreshing rest than I have had for a long time were a merciful preparation for such a trial. Alluding to the purchase of Polam, which was after- wards their residence, she remarks : — I have felt a satisfaction in it that is as a token for good which has never yet deceived me^ and is cause for much thankfulness, and also watchfulness that we rest not in these things. Oh ! what pains and trouble I might have spared myself had I acted up to my first clear impression on the subject. Child in religious experience and in knowledge of life ! if ever thou readest this, let me counsel thee, without being enthusiastic, not to throw away clear impressions even with regard to the affairs of this world — affairs in which the worldly-wise, and perhaps even some of the good, may say faith has nothing to do. But I believe it often has to do with little things ; for as the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, so He who can see present and future at one glance may well see on what apparently trifling or indifferent things hangs much that is of great importance to his weak creature man. " In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." of 4th mo. — On First and Second-day, my mind enjoyed a liberty, and something of the light of the glorious gospel which I often pant after. In each day a religious engagement seemed peculiarly blessed to myself. The powers of the world to come, — what an infant I am in the knowledge of them ! My dear babe a treat and blessing, for which I am, I trust, truly thankful. To . Darlington, 27th of 4th mo., 1825. In reply to thy question as to the Friendliness of my children, I do not know much about it. I certainly wish them to be Friends, inasmuch as if they keep to the truth in all things, little and great, I believe it will make them so. 5G 1825. [.ET. 38. This is the only standard I ever wish in my house. "Friendly or " ixn-Friendly," as applied to extei'nal objects, I have always disliked, as a vague term, which can have no other import than by putting effect for cause. Gay or grave, plain (or simple) and complex, I can understand, and that it is desirable to be grave rather than gay, because the time is short, and we do not want external objects to attract us from internal ; and, for the same good reason, tilings had better be simple than complex, and — with allowance for improve- ment — uniform ; for they must require Ic^s attention than when they change for the sake of change. =■= * * H. C. Backhouse. 19^A of 5tJL mo. — Some fearful but satisfactory conversation with an elder this morning. Oh ! that we were so anchored in the truth as really to understand each other ; then would the fear of man be done away, love and hai'mony would prevail more eminently than they do, — each might rejoice in seeing his neighbour walk in the way cast up for him ; because He who orders all things rightly makes room for the talents of all, allows no confusion, but wills that each should help the other. Leyton, lOih of 6th mo. — On Second-day the 30th, I set off with all my family to join my husband in London. An interesting First-day before leaving home. 7th mo., Fourth-day. — At Gracechurch Street Monthly Meeting, with John Barclay. I was too prompt, felt my poverty, and was humbled under a sense of it ; John Barclay striking, and the meeting solid. In that for discipline I was more satisfied that in wishing to be obedient I had not been officious. Leyton, Sixth-day. — I came here with the wish to be with my sister, and so far I am thankful that I have felt remarkably free to enjoy the beauties of nature, and the domestic pleasures of this house. Eai'lham, 15th of 7th mo. — The enemy has been busy, and disquieted many hours of the night and of the day, which should have been under the government of the Prince of Peace. However it is no sin to be tempted, nor to feel the power of the tempter, which has been limited, and I have had peace and comfort in being with my friends, and not questioning I was right in it. Altogether I have been A:r. 39. 18.2G. 57 in u low key, but iu it perhaps a little more patience than usual. The meetings interesting to me ; tliere seems a revival among Friends. If this people all pulled one way, what power there would be in them ! Amelia Opie's joining the Soeiety a subject of interest. Cromer, 7th of Sth mo. — My mind has often been greatly tossed and tempted since I came here; too susceptible of the influence of external circumstances ; too eager about the affairs of this world ; but here and there a gleam of comfort and better health than I have enjoyed for years. I wish to do right, but am not patient and decided enough, and not diligent enough in reading the Scriptures. Larlinyton, 5ih of lOth mo. — We came home the beginning of the last month. I was glad to return with a confirmed belief that if it be not positively my place to be from home, it is positively my place to be there : I have felt less buffeted and tempted, my mind more at ease. Isaac Pease's illness and death have been a subject of much interest to us ; also Ann Jones's services at the funeral, and at the Quarterly Meeting at Newcastle. Her warnings mixed with her encouragements came closely home to some of us. We had a nice and instructive visit from John Dymond, whose meek and quiet spirit reminded us iu what true riches consist. At the Quarterly Meeting, I went into the men's meeting to testify against sporting. My dear cousin Margaret Richardson accompanied me. Twelfth Month. — General banking run, and money affairs sadly besetting. The Monthly Meeting at Stockton in the midst of it truly refreshing. My own mind hard, to religious feeling obtuse ; love of the things of this world pressing, the fear of wrong also besetting, and di'awing the mind from watchfulness in the present moment which is only ours. SOihof 1st mo., 1826. — This mouth something of a repeti- tion of the last; business occupj'ing my dear husband so much as to be a trial to me ; myself also unwell with some symptoms which may make the joys and sorrows of this world very tran- sient ; but it may be one of my fancies, and I may yet live to know the bands of brass and iron with which I so generally feel bound to be broken. Children vei'y sweet,— a great treat to me. 58 1826. [.ET. 3y. CHAPTER V. TRAVELS AS A MINISTER IN COMrANY WITH ISAAC STEPHENSON VISITS F^UVIILIES IN HER OWN MONTHLY MEETING, ETC. WITH HER HUSBAND VISITS ESSEX, SUFFOLK, AND NORFOLK JOURNEY INTO DEVON AND CORNWALL VISIT TO FAMILIES IN NEWCASTLE MONTHLY MEETING, AND TO FRIENDS IN LINCOLNSHIRE, CAM- BRIDGESHIRE AND HUNTINGDONSHIRE IRELAND. 2n(i of 3rd mo. — Entered last week on a visit with Isaac Stephenson to the families of this Monthly Meeting. Ability for this service is surely a gift ; may the vessel be purified by using it in faith ! 29th of 3rd mo. — This month has been spent mostly with Isaac Stephenson, first in visiting the famihes, and then, after many cogitations and some provings of faith, I went forward from Cotherstone with him, taking Abigail Wilson with me to Kendal. We visited Lancaster, Manchester, and Leeds, and returned home to our Monthly Meeting on Second-day the 20th. It cost me some heart-sinkings and tears ; but my mind was underneath sweetly pre- served in peace and confidence, and though I had times of depression and fear to pass through, I have been thankful that I have made the sacrifice. It has endeared many indi- viduals to me ; and at times the undoubted belief that it was a Divine requiring has strengthened my faith, and excited some degree of thankfulness for being so employed. Went to Stockton on Fifth-day; ray husband gained the willing consent of Priends to proceed in the visit to the families there, but after attending Norton Meeting the next day we returned home, Isaac Stephenson not being well. I was rejoiced at the present release, enjoyed some sweet peace, but again brought a deep cloud over my mind by unguarded conversation. Fourth Month. — Our family visit completed, to some increase of faith. Returned on First-day the 16th. Second-day was a sweet day of rest and peace. MT. 39.] 1826. 59 Fifth Month. — Monthly Meeting. My mind seemed in measure prepared to mention my concern of visiting, after the Yearly Meeting, the counties of Essex, Suffolk, and Norfolk ; but I became sadly beclouded by asking counsel of man, when I had no business to do so, from cowardice or secretly wishing to obtain ease under a burden which I should have been contented to bear till the right time, and then no doubt sufficient strength and clearness would have been given. So the Monthly Meeting passed, and the load yet remained, wearing me not a little ; though I endeavoured to strive against it, and comforted myself in hoping a way of escape was yet open. In the Yearly Meeting, the little active service I had I believe Friends united with, and I may almost say I was thankful that little did devolve upon me ; for I thought I saw, more clearly than I had ever done before, that it does truly require great weight and power, such as are not often given except to those of much experience, to move acceptably in these large meetings ; and that many that were often wise in other places might there be in especial danger of offering the sacrifice of fools, particularly in prayer — the sense of it over the meeting being caught by those not fitted to convey the expression of it to so large an assembly, and so taking the place of those who might have conveyed it more rightly. Yet the weakest should not be discouraged because they sometimes miss the way, nor the simplest in following the obedience of faith because it does not always tell for much among their fellow-mortals. No doubt the Master of assem- blies often ruled over all, and kept things in right order, which was generally very conspicuous. The last sitting of the Select Meeting a memorable and instructive occasion. After much conflict in my own mind (but with the advice of many friends whom I consulted) my husband and myself joined Isaac Stephenson and his wife, and attended the Quarterly Meetings of Essex, Suffolk and Norfolk, and many of the meetings in these counties.* I felt satisfied in being in * H. C. Backhouse applied for by letter, and obtained, the sanction of her Monthly Meeting, which (it will be remembered) she had been le. ISth. — Samuel Parsons came for us in his carriage, and took us to his pleasant dwelling eight miles off. The road lay through a country poorly cultivated. Except the weeping willow, I have not yet seen a tree that could be called fine. The world is a wilderness without man, and it requires labour and time to bring him and his land into decency and order. 15th. — We had a very pleasant drive to the Monthly Meeting at Westbury. Mary King and Mary Parsons were our agreeable companions; the road was good, the soil light and sandy. Locust trees, which are a species of acacia, abound, and are one of the most valuable products of Long Island. This tree grows rapidly, and its durability is greater than that of almost any other ; it is much used in shipbuilding. The Monthly Meeting was an interesting one ; close to it the Hicksites were holding theirs, in the Meeting-house formerly belonging to Friends. The number of Friends on this island is small ; but I think those who remain are a chosen few, who do know in what they believe, but their trials have indeed been great : hardly a family in which some of the members do not go to a different Meeting-house, — husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters separated from each other. 17ih. — Made a few calls and returned to Flushing. We find a hearty welcome among these farmers, who are living upon their estates in greater abundance and comfort than those of the same class in England. They appear more intelligent and active, and can certainly make a living with much less toil than our farmers. \9th. — The morning meeting with Friends this day was refreshing, a preparation for that in the afternoon, which was truly formidable : the neighbours had been very generally invited, and they are almost all Hicksites. Our meeting- house was nearly filled, and several of those who attended were of the more moderate class of the seceding body. I believe I was helped to declare the truth in plain terms with- out giving offence to any party. I felt thankful for the (i 2 84 1830. [m\ 43. meeting, which has been more relieving to my mind than any since we came to this country. 24rd mo. — Stephen Grellet laid his concern [for visiting Europe] before the men's meeting, but the women in this country have no part in such deliberations, which I felt a great loss. He however came into the women^s meeting, and it was very interesting to be with him. A pleasant ride to Mount Holly (John Woolman's meet- ing), where my husband collected the few Friends together, and w e had iu this barn-like place a very refreshing time. 96 1831. [mt. 44. In the evening a large company, probably about 500, were assembled in the Baptist Meeting-house. People were very kind to us, the minister inviting us to come again. 6th. — Befoi'e we went to meeting, some letters were given me which mentioned you. I sat down in meeting and wept. No one spoke for a long time ; at length I rose, having remembered that under the Law the people were not allowed to cut themselves for the dead, and especially the priests were not suffered to mourn even as the people. This appeared to me as the shadow, to show that the true believers must not mourn as those who had no hope ; hope founded on the resurrection from the dead, brought to light through the gospel. I thought what I had to say might be for others as well as for myself. 10th. — After a meeting at Easton, rode on to Job Haines's, a valuable elder with two daughters, who welcomed us very heartily to a small clean house. This country is divided into farms of from one to two hundred acres. On each farm there is generally a house with three or four rooms on the first floor, besides a back kitchen, and a number of small rooms upstairs filled with beds, and wherever I have yet been they are clean. One girl or helper, is generally the only domestic ; but we are in fact better waited on than in many houses in England where several servants aie kept. The kindness and hospitality of Friends are truly refreshing, and though I cannot but often remember my home indulgences, both of flesh and spirit, I do not know where I could be better pro- vided for, away from you. 11 th. — A pleasant ride through pine trees, which abound in these parts ; the smell is so m holesome at certain seasons, that the woods are resorted to for their salubrity. It is said that when the pine wood is cut down, oak springs up in its place, and when the oak is cut down, then the pine comes up, — a peculiarity not accounted for ; but nature does not like sameness. 12th. — Monthly Meeting at Upper Evesham ; one of the largest that we have attended. A very interesting testimony was read of an old friend, Elizabeth Collins, which was much felt by the meeting, by whom she was greatly beloved. I could not be insensible to its influence, and the savour of the -CT. 44. J 1831. 97 spirits of tlie just docs, I believe, not nnfrcqncntly cheer and contrite my heart. ISih, First-day. — A very large public meeting, several Ilicksites present. Another at four o'clock at Crosswell, also large. It was truly laborious ; but at the end of the day, impeiifect as I had felt our labours to be, I was peaceful, and had some sound refreshing sleep I4ih. — Came on to the Monthly Meeting at Haddonfield. There is yet a considerable body of Friends here, in a rather peculiarly interesting state. They had recently lost many valuable Friends, and are left, I believe, without a minister among them. Richard Jordan belonged to this Quarterly Meeting. I said little, but that little was, I suppose appli- cable, as Friends appeared truly glad of our company. This little roiind has revived our faith that it has been right for us to come here, and also animated me with the feeling of getting on with our engagement. There are few liours in which you are not in my mind. I never on any occasion felt removal [by death] so little of a separation. That ray father lives, seems ever present with me : " He that liveth and believeth in me shall never die." 20th. — An interesting public meeting in the evening at Camden, in the Court-house, where a very important trial between Friends and the Hicksites (about tlie property of the Society), is going forward. Though truly our labours are abundant, and I am sometimes inexpressibly weary, yet when I come to sit down quietly by myself I often feel very peaceful, and hope that at the end of them I may do the same. 4tk. — Visited more families. 2,0ih. — Another meeting at Crawfordsville. A second meeting in a place is trying to my faith ; but it ended in a peace which I trust marked it as no imaginary requiring. \st of 12th mo. — A day of renewal of faith in the possession of a peace which the world cannot give. 6th. — A long ride over the prairies to Flint. The condition of the people, or, as they themselves term it, the manner in which they are fixed, is very poor. What would, in England, be thought of having no other light by which to see the food on the table, than what is admitted by the door being set open, with the thermometer at zero ? Yet, through all, we are preserved in health. — Another long ride over the prairies, ended by our missing the way and having to leave the carriage and walk through deep snow to a miserable cabin, where we lodged. It might be right for us to be thus detained ; for the next morning we visited, in a neighbouring cabin, a poor old woman, who bore the character among her neighbours of being " middling wicked.'' She was very dirty ; had a stern, dark, miserable countenance — was sitting by a log fire, muttering to herself — an opening in the wall, close beside her, admitted the cats and the cold air. My husband read to her the story of the Jew and his daughter, — the latter, on her death-bed, entreating her father to read the New Testament, and no more to speak against Jesus of Nazareth. The old woman was much affected, sat with her elbows on her knees, and shook her head with evident feeling. We afterwards ad- dressed her, and I did not feel this visit to be among the fruitless acts of my life. She could not read, and evidently felt the privation. We left a New Testament with her daughter-in-law, who we hoped, might read it to her. Well, I thought, if this poor soul might be helped, our perils were worth encountering. After this, we proceeded to Thornton, and though very weary, had in the evening a meeting in the Presbyterian Chapel, which wonderfully refreshed me. 11th, First-day. — Another public meeting at Crawfords- ville, an awful one to me. However, I believe that our 128 1S81. [.-KT '4.4. prayers were licard ; for this meeting, wliicli cost me so much, proved one wliieli dre\y tlie minds of the people more to their right centre than most we have held. Earnest had been my desire that I might be preserved in silence if I was either mistaken in appointing the meeting, or if it was right that our testimony to silence should be upheld throughout. We had, however, something to communicate, and my mind was delightfully relieved. The thermometer is 13 or 14 degrees below zero ; so you may imagine what this cold is, and be surprised to find that we are often sleeping in houses, on every side of which, we may see the sky through the holes in the logs. 12th. — Called on some of our Crawfordsville friends, who took leave of us with tears in their eyes. I believe there are some very serious people in this place, but was glad to get out of it, with the hope that I had no more labour there. ISth. — Went on to another meeting, — the weather was so unusually severe that few came to it. The cold is so intense that many have been frost-bitten, i.e. the flesh be- comes so brittle that it may be broken off without sensation; by applying snow, life returns to the part affected, and with it, inflammation. We are in no danger wrapped up as we are in the carriage, but I am rather afraid for our driver. Nothing will do in this service but not counting our lives, or anything we may have a life in, dear unto ourselves ; yet I do hope that a day will arrive, even in this land, when the task of living in it may not be so hard. Were it not for some hours of decided sunshine in my soul, I could not support it ; and a few of these have been very bi'ight. 14^A and 15ih. — Days too cold to venture over the prairies, the thermometer 25° below zero, in some places 27°. It is considered to be lower than it has been before known in this country. We were in a cabin not air-tight, the head of our bed about three yards from a large wood fire, covered with abundance of clothes (all most needful) . If our hands or face were in the least exposed, the sensation was like that of having ice applied to them. Water froze within three feet of the fire, but wrapped in my cloak, bonnet, hood, veil, &c., &c., I am seldom thoroughly chilled. 16th. — The weather has now become more moderate. We jET. 4-1.] 1831. 129 made several calls, my mind enjoying uncommon peace. We are in very good health, which truly is a favour. How often does my mind turn towards you in the remembrance of this time last year ! What suffering have we passed through since then ! And perhaps also, Ave have never been made more sensible of a peace which the world can neither give nor take away, and in which the remembrance of each other, and of those we dearly love, has something in it of that heaven in which there is no more separation. 17th. — Came over the prairies to Flint. A very cold day, and the wind blowing bitterly. I8th. — Attended the morning meeting of Friends, which was a time of close trial and conflict, but I felt peaceful after it. We dined at the house of our kind friend and companion for the last month, David Horner, and set off after it to La Fayette, where a meeting was appointed at early candlelight, according to the custom of the country. The road excellent most of the way, but coming to a half- frozen stream, we had to get out, and it was well we did, for the carriage again broke; but our old friend the rail was applied, and we reached the meeting, though rather past the time. It was a large gathering, in the Methodist Meeting-house, and I have no doubt it was a good meeting. 22nd. — Some visits in the morning, to satisfaction. It surely cannot be of ourselves, when we are led to describe correctly the state of individuals, almost without seeing them. Such eneoui'agement that we are under Divine direction cheers me from time to time. 2Ath. — Made more calls, went some miles to a public meeting, and returned home after it with a mind and body restored by a sense of mercy and love being near. 2hth. — * * * The people of Israel suffered formerly because they did not serve the Lord with joyfulness and gladness of heart. I am ready to reproach myself for not being a more cheerful servant ; but then again, I am comforted by a knowledge that He who knows us altogether as we are, is touched with compassion for the deep conflicts which I pass through, and is at times graciously pleased to say — " Peace, be stiU." It may be right that I should pass through dis- pensations so remarkably proving to me my own weakness, in K 130 1831. [jet. 44. order to bring me yet more fully to the acknowledgment that every good and perfect gift cometh from above. 26th, 27th, and 28/A. — Visiting families, and holding two more public meetings, after -which the clear sentence, " It is enough," was joyfully received : with it, on the — 2'dth — We w^ere glad to go forward and cross the "Wabash, fifteen miles, to a meeting appointed for us. A fatiguing ride, but I think we were helped ; and the next morning, after many tears and close conflict, I gave up to visiting the families in the small settlement of Friends at Pine. 31*^. — The dogs were howling all night at the wolves, and I awoke low enough. We visited the few remaining families, in which there was some life: and it was concluded that this last day of a year, not soon to be forgotten, in which bright beams of sunshine and dark clouds of the sky have been I'emarkably my portion, should be given to rest — so I take it in the carriage writing to you, as there is no window to give light enough in the house, or a table unoccupied ; yet I am, perhaps, just now as happy in my fur cloak, with my cushion on my lap to write upon, as I have at times been in my own drawing-room. Well ! this year is about to close : may the year to come (if it does come to us), through the tender mercy of the Shepherd of Israel, find us standing each day in our own allotment ; and however suff^ering it may be, may He grant us to stand in the faith, and abide in the patience, that no murmuring voice may be heard ; and if it seem good in his holy sight to give to some of ns an easier path than we have of late had, and to bring us on our way rejoicing, may it renew our desires to be dedicated, body, soul and spirit, to his service, and enable us to ascribe the glory and praise to Him M'ho ruleth over all ! jet. 44.] 1832. 131 CHAPTER IX. MORE MEETINGS AND FAMILIES VISITED IN INDIANA PRIVATIONS AND DIFFICULTIES FIRST-DAY SCHOOLS RAPID JOURNEY TO PHILA- DELPHIA PHILADELPHIA YEARLY MEETING JONATHAN BACK- HOUSE RETURNS TO ENGLAND. 2nd of \st mo., 1832. — Yielded to the discouragement of a snowstorm, and the apprehended difficulties of crossing the river, and turned aside from a town in which I wished to have a meeting. So on this day, I could with Titus exclaim — " I have lost a day ! " Srd. — After a difficult ride, held a meeting at Attica. The people were very earnest to come, and if they received what was preached to them they will be nearer perfection than one at least who spoke to them, who more than daily finds she has not attained. 4th. — Two more meetings this day ; the first, at Portland, a very interesting one. 5th. — Another meeting, at a village on the Wabash ; afterwards dined on wild turkey, nicely cooked, which was a real treat to us, as we had for days been feeding on pork or tough chickens. 6th. — At Eugene we had a comfortable sojourn, and a meeting which proved a true encouragement to go on. My mind remarkably refreshed after it, and I enjoyed that day much peace. 11th. — A day of stripes, ending in rest and peace. loth, First-day. — A meeting which I believe will not soon be forgotten by many who attended it, so that after having been sunk inexpressibly low, we are sometimes raised again so as to feel it truly ungrateful to begrudge our labours on these poor inhabitants of the wilderness. Many tears were shed when we took our leave, and proceeded by moonlight to John Hayworth's. The snow is melting fast, and the weather quite mild, in consequence of which we got into one of our K 2 132 1832. [yET. 45. old mud-holes. I came over on a rail taken from the fence, and having a mind very much at peace, stood pretty con- tentedly on the prairie for nearly an hour. 2lst. — Tired in mind and not well in hody, I gave up to entire rest. I trust the prayer for patience may have been heard, for towards evening my troubled soul was calmed, and my strength revived. 22nd. — Went to meeting at Ellwood, and gave up to the thought of visiting the families of this meeting. The end of this day and the two next, the 28rd and 24th, fully occupied in visiting families, but the weather again so intensely cold that we could not accomplish all we had planned. 30^/i. — We had an interesting assembly in the evening (at Thomas Cook's), of a number of Charity Cook's descendants, who are the principal occupiers of this settlement. 31st. — Attended the funeral of a young man who died after a few days' illness, owing in part (it was supposed) to exposure to the intense cold : it was an interesting occasion, and one which I hope might arouse the dead, many of whom, in a spiritual sense, were I believe present. Is^ of 2nd mo. — Went on seven miles to Newport, and had a meeting with the inhabitants, which brought a delightful beam of light and suushine into my soul. Crossed the Wabash, and at Montezuma had another very crowded and I believe good meeting. I began to feel as if my wheels were again oiled. 2nd. — A nine miles ride over a bad road to a Friends' meet- ing, which was also a relieving one. Went afterwards quickly to Rockville, a county town, where we had a large and crowded meeting, in which I forgot my fatigues, and I believe was anointed for the occasion, but was nearly fainting when the meeting was over. 12//i. — A day of cl6uds. The carriage broken, and could not proceed. 13th. — Very low ; I sobbed bitterly. We took the carriage to a blacksmith's some miles off. A hard frost had made the roads even worse than before. My dear husband rode on horseback, and I was alone weeping in the carriage. lOtli. — * * * In endeavouring to be led by faith, all the wisdom of the wise and the understanding of the prudent ^ET. 45.] 1833. 133 have again and again to be broken to pieces, and we have to throw ourselves upon the mercy and goodness of Him who orders all things wisely. We had a meeting near the black- smith's shop, which dried up my tears ; the people were very affectiouatej and in returning, my heart flowed with love. 15/^. — Visited several families in the neighbourhood : lodged at a house in which lived a poor woman who had lost the power of speech, and was totally helpless, yet with her understanding clear. I have no doubt that our visit — though she could not wipe away the tears which she shed abundantly — was a comfort to her. She had been a sinner, but, I trust, will be made fit for a world in which there is no more temptation, sickness or sorrow. 20th. — Visiting families as before, my faith strengthened by the occurrences of the day, in speaking to individuals. One young man took hold of my hand, and with tears in his eyes, said he hoped he should do better. I thought he was a stray one, and had addressed him as such : so if one sinner be converted from the error of his way, of what little account ought our sufferings to be ! Bloomfield, 22nd. — A large meeting of the children and young people of the settlement, in a good school, for the purpose of establishing a weekly meeting for their instruction in the scriptures. It was a particularly interesting occasion : old and young seemed surprised at their ignorance, when they came to be examined, and all were earnest to apply the remedy. The plan proposed is that they should read chapters in the historical parts of the Bible, during the week, and learn by heart certain portions. They are to repeat what they have learned, and to be questioned in the chapters that have been read, on a First-day afternoon. Some intelligent Friends have taken charge of the school. One young man was so pleased with the plan, that the Bible was hardly out of his hands during the time we were there.* * A Friend who visited Indiana nearly twenty years afterwards writes as follows : — "Few can estimate the value of H. C. Backhouse's labours in America, and the permanent results which have followed, and are still developing. In no portion of the Society are they perhaps more conspicuous 134 1832. [^T. 45. 2Srd. — The roads from snow and frost almost impassable, and the carriage so broken that it must again be mended. My husband took his horse and went with the dignitaries of the churcli to consider the important business of the esta- blishment of another meeting, Friends residing so far oflF they can hardly attend the one now established. In the meantime, with a sensible old Friend helping me, I sat down and repaired our clothes, which are reduced to a very low estate ; but with two or three hours' work, we filled up the holes, and mended the rags. The morning was, I may acknowledge, spent in peace and comfort, raising a hope that thei*e would be a calm of longer duration granted me, after these toils are over. The following month was similarly occupied, in the same neighbourhood, in visiting families, and in holding public meetings almost daily. Of one at Rockville, H. C. Backhouse remarks : " This truly dreaded meeting proved a very good one, — the subjects new, and bearing upon our peculiar testimonies." Describing the aspect of the country, she writes : — The principal feature of interest in the country at this time, is the making of sugar from the maple tree. A cut is made in the trees, and the saccharine juice is drawn from them by spiles, and is then boiled down, first to treacle, and afterwards, by means of eggs, milk, or ley, it is turned into sugar. This sugar and treacle have often been meat and drink for us. ISth of Brd mo. — First-day, at Honey Creek, the Hicksites met in one side of the meeting-house ; but our side was so full that the door was opened between, which I believe they than in Indiana, where more than one-third of the whole body of Friends in America are now reaping, through the divine blessing, as we may humbly trust, the fruit of those exercises into which she was led on behalf of the rising generation, in the present and continuous enjoy- ment of an amount of scriptural instruction exceeded in none of the Yearly Meetings of that land." jET. 45.] 1832. 135 wished. We were favoured to declare the truths of the gospel, and my poor mind enjoyed some sunshine afterwards. 25th. — An interesting meeting with the few families of Friends, after which I felt very peaceful. I trust we may have been the means of helping them to meet together for worship, which by giving way to discouragement they had neglected. 26ih. — Parted with our kind friends the Hallidays, who expressed themselves much comforted by our visit, which was cheering. 27th. — Two meetings on our road to Vincennes. This day the call seemed most clear to me to Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, and that we should despatch business quickly. There was now an interval of little more than two weeks before the occurrence of the Yearly Meeting. Several places towards which they felt attracted had yet to be visited, and in the then state of communi- cation it seemed all but impracticable that they should reach Philadelphia in time. But their faith was strong, and, as we have already seen, their will and power to surmount obstacles not small. We give a few extracts marking the character of this arduous and rapid journey. 28th. — Meeting at Bruceville in the morning, and Vin- cennes in the evening ; a memorable day of favour : my bonds seemed bursting, and power given in a weary frame to proclaim the truths of the gospel, especially in a very large meeting at Vincennes. An Episcopal clergyman came up to us afterwards to express his satisfaction with the service of the day. 29^/i.-With some difficulty reached Washington, [Indiana,] where we had another meeting. The same day went many miles further to Mount Pleasant, and held a meeting in the evening in the Court-house — the Court was at that time sitting in the day — at which many of the lawyers, &c. M ere present. 136 1832. [.ET. 45. SOih. — We went to the gaol, to see a man who was that day to take his trial for murder. I thought there was some of the authorit}' of the Gospel in that visit. Well, overturns may soon ai'rive, and a curious one did befall us soon after. In going down a hill, from which no danger could have been anticipated, George locked the wheel, the drag had an iron prod in it for the frost, this prod caught the end of a piece of M'ood lying in the road, which was exactly adapted to act as a lever, and threw the carriage over. We were neither frightened nor hurt ; but the carriage was so broken that it required an hour's mending, in cm'ious fashion to be sure. The people of the town came most willingly to help us, and would receive nothing for their labour. Here we heard what was said of the meeting and ■s'isit to the prison ; so, alto- gether, our overturn cheered me, and had not the carriage been so repaired, it would have broken to pieces in the very rough road we had afterwards to encounter in going to Paoli. 3lst. — A very good [public] meeting at nine o'clock at Paoli, and a satisfactory one with the Friends, and then on to Salem. Salem, 1st of mo. — In the morning a Friends' meeting — a large one a few miles off — a day of favour. Gave some instruction about teaching the Scriptures to a large company of young people at William Hobbs's, a very nice substantial Friend. Oh, I was weary ! but I had some refreshment at night ; — pleasantly waited upon by some young people, — quite a treat. 2nd. — iSIade one call in Salem, and should have made two. It is surprising how these flies of omission get into the ointment of the apothecary and ruin it. Rode to Albany ; enough for flesh and blood. 3rd. — A meeting at Albany in the morning excellent ; that at Louisville in the evening as little so. I ought to have appointed another at nine the next morning, but not doing so involved me in much trial. 4:th. — A day almost uselessly spent, except in visiting a prison in a most wretched state. The prisoners had nothing to lie upon ; in short, as they said, " put in like any creatures ^T. 45.] 1833. 137 to herd together," and must go out worse than they came in. They had no Bible or Testament, and seemed truly pleased by our visit. bth. — A meeting at Louisville in the morning, though but with few, very reUeving. In the afternoon we went to the Poor-house. What places in comparison with those in other towns ! but some good seemed astir, and some accommodation for the body. An evening meeting, painful to me. The people are slaveholders, and it is a noted bad place. Qth. — A meeting at Jeflfersonville. The longing to be ofi" spoiled my meeting, which my husband said was a very good one. The steamboat took us up afterwards. May we reach Philadelphia in time for the select meeting ! Nights in a steam-boat are not delightful ; but this was more restful than some I have passed, my mind having now no anxiety but that of accomplishing our object, which did not seem very probable. However, we reached Cincinnati on the morning of the — 7th. — I did not land, as one of the fastest sailing-boats on the river was nearly ready to start. Here we left George and the old broken carriage and horses, to go and refresh at some kind friends' in the country, and steamed on rapidly up the Ohio ; the state of the weather, the waters, and moonlight, being all in our favour. We took under our protection a young Friend who had set her mind on attending the Phila- delphia Yearly Meeting. My dear husband and I had a state-cabin to ourselves, which was a relief, 8//«. — A First-day in a steam-boat is not without its cares and exercises. We had a reading with the cabin passengers, in which an agreeable young man, educating for a clergyman, united by reading a pamphlet of William Allen's. These are fearful occasions to me, but omitted, I believe they would leave dissatisfaction. We found it, on this as on many other occasions, easier to preach to the poor than to the rich : whether it be a real diflFerence in them, or only because the latter tempt more to the fear of man, I will not pretend to determine. The passengers were very friendly with each other. We had some conversation with a J ewess, who was on board with her children, in unison with our young friend, the clergyman, and some Unitarians, It was interesting, but I 138 1832. [^T, 45. was afraid of raising the Jewish spirit of unbelief into anger^ and thereby wounding in spirit the cause we would maintain by word. Her faith seemed wavering, and she acknowledged to me an interesting fact, — that the Jews are becoming less observant of their religious rites, and ai'e more indifferent about their faith ; so the ground may be prepared for their eventual reception of Christianity. Truly there was something to be felt in the spirit of that woman, which marked a wandering from the Shepherd of Israel. 10th. — Landed at Wheeling : my dear husband sought out a capital conveyance in an opposition line of new coaches, and uniting with some of our fellow-passengers — some young people with their infant of a month old, and nurse — we plea- santly filled an excellent coach with three seats. We had plenty of room, which was what we stood in need of. Here we met a multitude of letters, which after we were seated in the coach we opened ; you may imagine with what sensations, as it was I think four months since we had heard any intelligence from home. I felt very peaceful, and I believe I may say grateful to receive such good accounts. llth. — Summoned early, after a short night, into our coach. We again had a long and prosperous day's journey over the Alleghany mountains, agreeing very well with our com- panions. We were pretty tired, for the road was not the smoothest, but the weather was most favourable. 12th. — Again a very short night^s rest, but not so long a day's journey to Frederick's Town, where, after refreshing ourselves with water and a good supper, we took possession of a coach on the railroad, had straw laid on the bottom, on which myself and our young friend and her baby reposed many hours, as we were taken rapidly and easily in the dead of the night sixty miles to Baltimore. Arriving very early Ave entered no house, but between five and six o'clock in the morning of the — 13th — Found ourselves on board the boats that go in a day to Philadelphia. My spirit was remarkably at rest and peace. Truly I was tired, but sunshine of mind is most invigorating. Such a journey in so short a time with the same degree of rest was, it is supposed, never performed over the same ground. Arrived in Philadelphia, it was truly .•ET. 45.] 1832. 139 sweet to lay my head dowu in peace, and feel myself more among my particular friends, and at home, than at any place in the Avorld that is not really so. 14:th. — Most kindly and sweetly welcomed by Friends, and my heart was fully open to receive their kind greetings. I came out of meeting very comfortable : a solid one I believe it was. 16th. — Comfortable meetings ; my mind covered with peace. 20th. — I Avent into the men's meeting to my own relief. Our meeting ended I trust with real solemnity. Never have I attended any Yearly Meeting in which my own path was made so clear to me. No one was very active, but many have ex- pressed that it was one of the most comforting Yearly Meetings they had had for years. The state of my mind so much resembled that in which I was before I left all, that it felt as a merciful preparation for a change that could hardly have been borne, or rightly borne, without it ; and it was evident that the hearts of Friends were remarkably open towards us ; our hardships seemed to have endeared us to them. The change here spoken of was nothing less than the return home of her husband and fellow-labourer in the Grospel, leaving H. C. Backhouse to prosecute her Master's work for a time without him. Her need in this trial was remarkably supplied by one who, though young in years and Christian expe- rience, was prepared, both naturally and spiritually, to be to her what Timothy was to Paul. 25^A. — Twelfth Sti-eet Monthly Meeting, a memorable time to me. E. Kirkbride laid her concern before the meeting, in writing, as she had a bad hoarseness. The effect on the meeting was striking. So young a person, or rather one so lately become known in the character of a serious Friend, was enough to excite the fears of the prudent j but the covering over the meeting was such, that fear was driven backwards, and faith prevailed ; so that there was a very 140 1832. [yET. 45. general expression of unity, and many shed tears that such a thing could be. It was indeed a confirmation of my faith that she has been especially given to minister unto me. I very fully expressed my feelings with regard to her in the Monthly Meeting and how jealous I had been of myself in them ; yet boldly confessing that I believed it was a merci- ful provision of the Great Head of the Church, who knew us altogether as we were, and all the circumstances of our lives, to choose for me one so remarkably adapted to minister to my necessities, and whom I loved as an adopted child. With this day's work I think I must end this part of my journal — a day I increasingly believe I may number among the tender and unmerited mercies of my Heavenly Father, who, knowing our frame, will not put upon us a burden that He will not make preparation for us to bear. " Thy gentle- ness hath made me great," is a language I have often thought of Farewell ! Accompanied by E. P. Kirkbride, H. C. Backhouse now proceeded to Virginia, to attend the Yearly Meeting for that state, held at Gravelly Run. 12th. — Reached Baltimore in good time. The change is great, but I am so satisfied in its being right for my dear husband to leave me, that all regret is taken away, and I can rejoice in believing that his mind rests in the same peace. We spent the afternoon at Gerard Hopkins', who is, I fear, in a very precarious state of health. He seemed much pleased to see us, and spoke most affectionately of my husband; indeed it has been sweet to me to see how he is beloved. I4th. — Up at half-past five o'clock to write to my husband; breakfasted early, had a sitting with the Kings, and after- wards with Gerard Hopkins, and was in the boat by nine o'clock. 15th. — After steaming down the Chesapeake, we landed at a place that looked like an old-fashioned English gentleman's seat, and found it one of the most celebrated places in the neighbourhood, beautifully situated on James river. The owners were very civil, and allowed their carriage to take us MT. 45,] 1832. 141 five miles to a Friend's hoiise (Hargrave), in which we found comfortable and hospitable entertainment. I6th. — With the wife of Flemming Bates, drove to the meeting of ministers and elders, five miles through the woods : the whole number amounted to ten persons. We were the only women, and four of the company strangers. It was a new character of meeting ; they seemed from cir- cumstances so heartless, that, although valuable as in- dividuals, all energy as a meeting seemed gone. I did not feel out of my place being there. 17th. — A most awful tempest came on, which prevented our going on as we had intended. Here, without hesitation, we were obliged to stay, though without any baggage. Gravelly Bun. 22nd. — A long meeting; felt very weary afterwards, and took some rest ; but amid the number of Friends, especially young people, it was difficult to be at ease in neglecting them. We have found Rowland Green a very agreeable sensible companion. In the evening the Friends who lodge in the house assembled to hear a chapter, or what else might be communicated, which was not at any time much; ' but with only one meeting in the day, and a large party col- lected, this plan seemed especially desirable. 23rd. — Before the close of the Yearly Meeting a very solemn covering overspread us. In a short supplication and a few words afterwards, the meeting ended to the relief and refreshment of my soul, and the countenances of our little company marked that their hearts had been softened by a portion of the love that gathers to the Head, and unites its members one unto another in Him. Returning to Baltimore, H. C. Backhouse remarks : — 27th. — I went to the meeting in doubt aud fear ; but it ended comfortably, and I believe with solemnity. It is a meeting, the present state of Avhich peculiarly interests me. If some could acknowledge more openly what they are, the law and the testimony would be truly exalted by them ; but the burden-bearers must have to pass through many dis- couragements, and often be ready to faint. There is a strong 142 1832. 45. tendency to compromise with the world, and possibly with their near neighbours. The evening meeting at the Point was I believe satisfactory. I did feel sitting down without my husband, and could almost wonder what was to become of me, not having a word to say for some time, but at last there was enough for the meeting. In returning home I felt thankful for the favours of the day. From New York she writes : — 7th of 6th ?wo.— With E. Coggeshall, J. R. Willis and wife, Samuel Wood and his wife, went to the Penitentiary. I hope our visit might be of use ; some appeared touched, and all were quiet. We then went into another department, where the state prisoners were confined. These seemed to feel our visit more than the others, and took our hands afterwards with tears in their eyes. I hope the Prison Dis- cipline Society have plans of these prisons : I never saw any buildings better constructed for their object. 8th. — Went to the almshouse in the morning with Hannah Eddy, E. Coggeshall, and Samuel Wood. I feared it was over zeal, but felt very peaceful afterwards. ^ They then proceeded to Newport, Rhode Island, to attend the Yearly Meeting for New England, which is held there. 10th. — A formidable day. Went to Newport meeting in the morning ; spoke a few words, but came burdened out of this large assembly ; if I was wrong it was from the honest fear of being superficial. ISth. — Meeting of ministers and elders, in which I relieved ray mind pretty fully on perhaps one of the most difiicult subjects to touch — that of gospel ministry. The standard to be sure is high, and well may we all say we " have not attained.'" \4th. — At Abigail Robinson's, and enjoyed a quiet company round her old-fashioned tea table. She told us that she had jfT. 45.] 1832. 143 been for above seventy years an inhabitant of that house ; everything in it of the same ancient character. She seemed like one very near the kingdom, and we had a sweet little sitting with her and her old servants. On taking leave, she expressed the comfort that our visits had been to her. I7th. — At three o'clock was an appointed public meeting, in which I was enabled, after a pretty long silence, to declare the truth, to the relief of my own mind. It must be some- thing more than natural strength that could thus enable me to labour when truly I know myself weak without it. 144 1833. [iET. 45. CHAPTER X. ESTABLISHES FIRST-DAY SCHOOLS IN NEW ENGLAND, NANTUCKET,^ NEW BEDFORD VISIT TO AN INDIAN SETTLEMENT JONATHAN backhouse's RETURN AND LABOURS MEETING WITH THE LEGIS- LATURE. From this time until the middle of the following year, her labours were confined chiefly within the limits of Sandwich Quarterly Meeting, of which Nantucket forms a part. Her mind was particularly attracted towards the little company of Friends residing on this Island, visiting them in their meetings and families again and again. Among those who were not members of her own Society, her labours were also abundant, and especially was she interested for a class in New England who had imbibed what were termed " New Light" views, paying religious visits to them in their own houses, and holding many meetings with them. The fruit of these labours was even then apparent, in setthng the minds of many in sounder views of doctrine and practice. But perhaps the most important feature of tliis visit was the establishment of the schools for instruction in the Scriptures (on the plan that had been adopted in Indiana). She used to have the children and their parents assembled in the Meeting-house, when she frequently addressed them in a solemn and impressive manner, on the vast importance of acquiring a thorough knowledge of that blessed volume, " which is able to make wise unto salvation through faith that is in Christ." Her concern on this subject was cordially united with by the Friends of the different Monthly Meetings 45.] 1832. 1 t5 Avhere they were introduced. Many of these schools have been kept up and have been productive of much good. Of one of these occasions she writes thus : — Nantucket, 22nd of 7th mo. — A day to be thankful for. Besides the morning and afternoon meetings, I had the children and young people assembled, and endeavoured to shew tliem the importance of becoming more acquainted with the Scriptures ; proposing at the same time the establish- ment of a school on a First-day. It was a time of interest, and, low as I was at the beginning of this day, I felt at the end of it that the Sun of Righteousness had arisen with healing on his wings. The natural features of the island, w^hose inhabitants had so much interested her, are thus described in her journal :— Nantucket is a desert of sand, with a few large ponds in it, around which there is some fertility of soil. The town is rich, loves itself, and well it is that it does, for no one else loves it. The whale and cod fisheries are the principal trade, and the origin of the wealth of the place. The whales were first caught near the island, and boats were sufficient to search after them ; small vessels soon succeeded, and pursued them 100 miles from the shore. The voyage gradually extended as the whales fled from their pursuers, and now they make voyages into the Pacific and Southern Oceans, which occasion them absences of three or four years from their families, and a bad eff'ect such separation seems to have on most concerned in it. The young people, and generally speaking the in- habitants, are more than commonly good-looking, and I think intelligent also. I have no doubt our Society there was at one time in a very flourishing state, and what was wanting in temporals the inhabitants made up in spirituals; but unless better days arise, the city that is and has been full of people L 1^6 1832. [.CT. 45. will most likely sit solitary and be, like her land, a barren waste. But why any place flourishes and why it declines is often difficult to ascertain; perhaps it is more in the disposition of the inhabitants than from local advantages, and that disposition often takes its rise from some leading individuals; so that we may see how even the five faithful men may save a city, and more than five I trust there are in this. I cannot but believe that the more equal distribution of the good things of this world in this country than in our own tends to its general prosperity and happiness — less of eiinui on the one handj or of inordinate labour on the other. The almost total absence of extreme poverty, excepting in the gi-eat cities, or in consequence of gross misconduct, is certainly a relief to be felt. It is indeed a fine and magnificent country. "When we contemplate its almost inexhaustible resources, — its noble streams, carrying with such facility the wealth and industry of one part to another, its freedom from taxation, the great fertility of the soil in many parts, the coal, the salt, and the iron in others, the very rapid increase of population, and with it the astonishing growth and increase of their cities — truly we may say, it is a land of wonders ! To New Bedford, 11th of 9th mo., 1832. My Beloved Priend, • Thy letter has particularly interested my best feelings. I crave thy enlargement in the love and power of the gospel. It has long been my persuasion that nothing but faithfulness can set thee free from thy many cumbers, and give thee the aboundings of that love and peace that alone can delight thee. I am not jealous of the integrity of thy heart as far as thou knowest it thyself ; but who can know it ? May all thy fears of going before thy Guide be tried by Him who alone can show unto man what his thought is. Is it not in John Churchman's journal that a very good lesson is given to those who have long been servants in the Master's family — that the gentlest pointing of his finger manifests his will as yKV. 45.] 1832. 147 distinctly to tliese as his loudest commands to those who are \inaccustomed to his voice ? Since my hcloved husband left me, I have been favoured with a very agreeable companion in E. Kirkbride, whose early habits, natural temperament, and religious experience, render her peculiarly congenial to my taste. This is indeed a favour, when we have to be so much and intimately together. Diu'ing this time, I have had as deep plunges as perhaps I ever had in my life, and as close service, till I almost despaired of life. This has been principally in visiting the families of Friends in Nantucket and New Bedford, The detention has been very great, but T believe not more than has been required; yet a long tarriance in any one place is peculiarly trying, though Friends are very kind. I have been sometimes ready to envy Paul his own hired house. New Bedford, 12lh of 9th mo., 1832. We have visited the families in this place, and have had some deeply interesting meetings, at which most of those who had formerly been members were present. I believe I may say that out of weakness I was made strong. Friends are very kind, and so are those who once were Friends. I am often very weary, but on Second-day morning I felt sweetly refreshed. The day before had been truly exercising — a very large public meeting in the evening, to which I had especially invited those who had formerly been members, and who had lost their right of membership. Many came who had not attended a meeting for some years past. It was, I believe, a solemn occasion. I expect that it will be my duty to have more intercourse with them before I leave, partly perhaps in a social way. Amid her various labours of love for the souls of men, the aborigines of this country were not forgotten. A visit to one of their settlements on Martha's Vineyard, is thus described by E. P. Kirkbride : — " On Sixth-day morning we set out for an Indian Settlement, L 2 148 1832. [iBT. 45. and after riding twenty miles (part of the road rougher than anything I had seen before), stopped at an Indian hut for refreshment; but everything around looked so uninviting that we were not a little pleased to see their minister arrive with a cordial invitation to repair to his abode, adding that he had full unity with all the faithful servants of the Lord. A large mimber of Indians assembled in the evening. H. C. Backhouse addressed them very appropriately, and then their pastor set his seal to her communication, hoping the audience would profit by what they had heard. After he took his seat, an Indian (whose health is fast declining), in the most soothing and melodious voice poured forth the grateful feelings of his heart, expressing his thankfulness that she had been commissioned by the Lord to come among them. He said that his days on earth were nearly ended, — that soon his spirit would return to God, and be united to the just of every people and every tongue, — that there is much of suffering in the world, and that he had no wish to stay here ; but he hoped his brethren would treasure up the counsel they had heard, for his heart told him that it came from God." After an absence of seven months, Jonathan Back- house returned to America early in the Twelfth month,* with certificates from Friends, empowering him to hold meetings separately, as well as in conjunction with his wife. They now frequently separated, J. Backhouse visiting the more distant and less accessible districts. Several weeks of this winter were spent in the north-eastern * His passage of more than six weeks had been very stormy, not unattended with danger. In the midst of one of the fearful gales they encountered, " I was," he writes, " favoured to feel very quiet, though our situation was fearful." At another time, when the sea was riuining very high, he went on deck, and, secured by a rope, gave himself up to the enjoyment of the awful and magnificent scene. * * * When the weather permitted, Jonathan Backhouse assembled the cabin and steerage passengers for reading and wor.ship. iET. 45.] 1832. 149 parts of New England, where to a large body of Friends in a remote quarter his company and reHgious labours were peculiarly acceptable. Whilst in the neighbourhood of Sandwich, H. C. Back- house and E. P. Kirkbride experienced a remarkable preservation, which is recorded by the latter several years after, as follows : — " Your mother had felt drawn to spend the night in the house of an old Friend, who lived by herself, and who was not at all in the habit of entertaining visiters. The chamber which she introduced us into was very cold, and as the chimney was boarded in, we asked her if we could have a pan of coals placed on the hearth, to which she replied in the affirmative, and accordingly a very large vessel was put in the room, and replenished again and again with charcoal ; so that when we retired for the night, we both expressed surprise that she had succeeded in making that icy apartment so very comfortable. We soon fell asleep, being no doubt overcome at once by the impure atmosphere, till I was aroused by your dear mother's exclamation that she was fainting. " I sprang out of bed, found my way to the washing-stand in the dark, and filled a glass with water ; but before I could reach her I fell upon the floor wholly insensible. In a few moments, no doubt, the vital spark in both of us would have been completelj' extinguished, as it would have been impossible to revive in that foul air ; but the uuslumbering Shepherd of Israel was watching over us, and in tender mercy averted so awful a catastrophe. The noise I made in falling awoke our aged hostess, and taking her light in her hand, she came up to our chamber door, to know what was the matter ; but finding all was silent, she thought, as she afterwards said, ' My friends are asleep, and I will not disturb them,' and attempted to go to the attic where her servant slept, to see if the noise proceeded from thence ; but before she had gone far her steps were arrested, and, as she said herself, she felt ' constrained to return to our room,' where on opening the door she found us in the state I have 150 1833. [jet. 46. described, entirely insensible. The admission of fresh air into the room soon restored ns to consciousness ; but it was several days before we were able to travel, and I think the whole of this memorable circumstance was blessed to our aged and awe-stricken friend. A few days afterwards we heard of three little children in the neighbourhood, who were placed in a room with a charcoal furnace, and perished in a very few hours." Second Month 19th. — With our kind friends the Rogers', and two others, we set off for a meeting appointed at Hing- ham. We made one or two interesting calls on their afflicted neighbours, and arrived just in time for the meeting at two o'clock. I felt much wearied, and on entering a very large meeting-house (the first erected, it is said, in the United States), I did truly feel I had no strength of my own : I was afraid my fears would have almost overwhelmed me. After some time of silence, I was strengthened to rise with the text, " Blessed are the pure in heart," and to show forth from Scripture that nothing but the Christian dispensation would bring about this purity. It was a Unitarian Meeting- house. I did not know how the doctrine could be borne. The audience were very kind to me afterwards, and none more than the minister, who seemed quite affected. After- Avards, a lady and clergyman called upon us, and pleasantly cautioned me against speaking too loud and straining my voice. 20th. — I remembered the advice of my Hingham friends, and took real pains with the modulation of my voice, greatly to the satisfaction of my friends. I believe it was truly a good meeting, and I felt very peaceful after it, and had such a night's rest as I have not had for many a long night, and rose truly refreshed. The sun seemed to shine on mind and body. 23rd. — A meeting at Quincy, at two o'clock, in an elegantly fitted-up Unitarian meeting-house. An intelligent audience appeared satisfied with the truths proclaimed. Boston, 2Gih. — I was ushered into the State House by llezekiah Barnai'd, and placed in the Speaker's chair, before 1,000 people; I felt it not a little, even to tears; but I yET. 46.] 1833. 151 was helped through^ and many expressed their satisfaction afterwards.* 1st of 3rd mo. — Meeting at Lynn — very low — just faith enough to appoint a public meeting for the afternoon, which renewed my trust, and I had peace afterwards. 6th. — A very pleasant ride on a beautiful afternoon in an open sleigh. Lodged at a comfortable inn at Newbury- port, and lost the sweet peace I had all the afternoon, by not speaking to some young men sitting round a fire, just before we went to bed. Salem, S^sf. — A very solemn meeting to me. I believe I was enabled to tell the people the truth of their states. Ist of 4th mo. — We took a pleasant ride to Nahant. The evening was fine, the scenery of rock and water good to the eye, I was pleased to see others enjoy it; but, unworthy as I * In allusion to these meetings E. P. Kirhhride writes : — " Called on an Episcopalian minister, who came to see us soon after our arrival. His wife had some acquaintance among Friends, and both were cordially polite to us. Your mother gave them very sweet en- couragement, and they were much affected by it. On taking leave he said : — ' Would you were going to remain among us, and could make all Quincy such Friends as yourselves !' His wife observed to us, she ' felt rejoiced that Christ had once at least been preached within those Unitarian walls adding, ' I shall never forget your visit here.' Your mother wishing for a meeting with the Legislative body, now in Boston, and Friends uniting witli her in it, her proposition was sent in, in writing, unanimously voted for, and on the evening of Second-day she had a truly favoured opportunity, not only with the members, but also with their wives. Many expressed their satisfaction afterwards, and some proposed that they should return a vote of thanks. One man, who had been speaking rather lightly of the meeting on the day before, recalled what he had said, observing, he was confident that 'no one there could help feeling the stillness and solemnity.' We returned to Lynn, and there commenced the work of visiting the families of Friends. Your mother has a large proportion of this kind of service, and an old Friend remai'ked, he did not wonder that her Master kept her to it, she was so eminently qualified an instrument. A call we made a day or two ago corroborates the truth of this remark. We went into the house entire strangers, and when about to go, your mother having said some very close and striking things, the man begged leave to ask, in Scripture words, a single question :— ' Sayest thou this of thyself, or did another tell it thee of me V Being assured that she had no outward know- ledge of them, that even their very name was yet unknown to her, — he answered, ' Well ! I am satisfied ; the visit is satisfactory.' " 152 1833. [mt. 46. am, I have yet uo meat but to do my Master's will. Made a visit or two afterwards, while my dear husband had a public meeting, which brought a little light and peace. 3rd. — A meeting with the Friends at Lynn, for which I ought to be reverently thankful, and trust that He will not utterly forsake me. I was favoured to relieve my mind, and the power of truth opened our hearts toward each other. Jonathan and Hannah C. Backhouse again separated for a short time ; the former to attend the approaching Yearly Meeting in Philadelphia, the latter to continue her labours in New England, under the kind and indul- gent care of William and Anna Jenkins — Made a few visits. Moses Brown, in his ninety-fifth year, went with us. 17th. — Took a pleasant country ride with dear A. Jenkins. Went to the school in the evening, and gave the children a lecture on the Bible to stimulate them to study it : some comfort to me. llth of 5th mo. — Attended a meeting appointed by Elizabeth Wing, a truly substantial Friend, of few words and much spiritual depth. 12^/<. — Meetings at Smithfield and Uxbridge. The day ended peacefully : I desire to be thankful for this calm. 13///. — Again yielded to visiting families, with less conflict than usual. Suffice it then perhaps to say, for the remainder of this week, that we visited family after family^ and had four or five public meetings in the evenings, in a populous cotton- spinning neighbourhood. The Friends received us kindly, and the people heard us, I suspect, gladly; for they were very attentive. We lodged at several different houses ; for our labours were spread over many square miles. At Luke Aldridge's and Waldo Earfs, very agreeable resting-places. On First-day there was a large and general assemblage ; but I felt it best to leave the meeting to my dear husband, and went off to a small one at ]\Ieudon, where some poor souls, I believe, were comforted. During these visits we have had the valuable company of Mary Allen, a minister, a woman of judgment, talent, and principle. Had a pretty good meeting among Friends, and another at a town near. .♦vr. 16.] 183:5. 153 No wonder that 1 am kept so poor, for if a gleam of light and comfort comes across my mind, it so renovates the whole frame, that I am ready to think all tilings possible. I was marvellously helped through this meeting, and the people seemed remarkably ready to receive the word spoken. Next morning made a few calls, and my dear husband joined us in the evening. Qth mo. — Went to Providence to attend the funeral of Dr. Toby^s wife. A large number of the inhabitants were present, and a solemn meeting it was. Pleasant to find ourselves at William Jenkins', and enjoy their company and the comforts of their house, after some days spent in almost Indiana fashion. How the things here make me turn my mind to my own dear home ! A piece of well-cooked wholesome meat is an indulgence you are not yet fully aware of. Home people and home things, like the flesh-pots of Egypt, do not soon lose their charms : how often I think of them and dream of them ! perhaps go further ! Had I not a com- panion to whom I am really attached, this travel would have sometimes seemed to me almost insupportable. Second-day.— A meeting at Freetown, and most comfortably lodged at David Shove's. I have not seen a house since we have been in America, the order of which so much reminded me of my dear mother's — a place for everything and every- thing in its place, and uncommonly nice, — temporals and spirituals remarkably combined. Mary Shove and her agree- able husband went with us the next morning, to Taunton, where we had a meeting with a few scattered Friends and their neighbours, and in the evening a very large one. At Fall river we attended a meeting appointed by John Warren, a Friend from the eastern part of New England. It Avas a treat to me to hear him and remain silent. Satisfied with proposing to the Friends the holding of a First-day scliool, in which John Warren very much united. Went on next day to Tiverton, at another meeting of his. Came to Edward Wing's too weary for much exertion, and now with a broken axletree, we are kept on the road, affording the opportunity I have long wished for to write up this journal. Now I may describe the general features of the country we have been in, which is truly beautiful, — wood, water, hill and dale, under a beautifully clear atmosphere, have formed scenery in which 154 1833. [^T. 46. my eye lias delighted^ whilst my heart has been sad. The river that runs to Providence through Smithfield has many falls, and these are made use of to turn mill after mill for the spinning and weaving of cotton ; so that the country is peopled by many manufacturers, an interesting class of people, whose ears are open to hear every new thing, and their understandings to examine them. I am glad of beauty anywhere — much I have seen and loved : but when may I retire to my own spot of earth, and my own internal dominion — to cultivate, and I trust enjoy it ? 2Q)th. — At George Rowland's : Susan and myself occupied in making a clear statement of the plan of the [First-day] schools, and of the questions to be used in it. A book of directions, and questions such as Friends can fully approve, is much wanted, and I was glad to leave the carrying out of the plan in the hands of a valuable Friend, who is interested in the subject.* 29>th. — An interesting call from the people whom it was my principal object to see at New Bedford. \st of 7th mo. — T\'e passed yesterday pretty comfortably. I reminded my old friends, among whom I have laboured, that darkness had gradually overspread the Christian world by looking to man, and that the seed of this error had early taken root, which called for the reproof of the Apostle, — " I am of Paul, I of Apollos," &c. * * * * J. and H. C. Backliouse now quitted this scene of prolonged and arduous labour, and turned towards Canada. Arrived at New York, the latter writes :— Neiv York, 2>rd. — At the Monthly jNIeeting, I ventured into the men's meeting, to propose the First-day school being under the care of a committee of the ^Monthly Meeting. * * * * O may I be preserved, moving only in my right allotment, in advocating a means of Scriptural instruction, which I cannot doubt has at diflei-ent times had the Divine sanction upon it ! * The compilation here referred to was made and printed in Phila- delphia in 1834, under the title of " Scriptural Questions for the use of Schools." -fi". 4(5.] 1833. 155 CHAPTER XL VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON RIVER ENTERS CANADA YONGE STREET, YORK MEETING WITH THE GARRISON E. P. KIRKBRIDe's ILL- NESS NORWICH SETTLEMENT OF DIFFERENCES. of 7th mo. — Henry Hull's wife took us eight miles, a hilly and beautiful ride, to the Friends' school at Nine Partners, — the Ackworth of New York Yearly Meeting, — it was a committee meeting. I examined the children in their knowledge of Scripture, which was very deficient. A few weeks ago thi'ee whole copies of Scriptures were all that were to be found in the institution ; lately, at the instigation of a Friend, five more have been introduced. Surely the duty of being acquainted with the Scriptures has not stood in the place it ought, and the neglect of those writings which testify of Jesus, that " He is the Christ, the son of the living God," has laid the foundation in a great degree for the unsound doctrines which have been so lamentably prevalent in this country. I think the feeling in a district thus poisoned is something similar to being in a slave State — the oppression of the enemy under a different form. We lodged under the agreeable roof of Isaac and Anna Thorn, and after breakfast, in a very solemn manner, he supplicated for us and for our children, and our safe return to them. 14^/i. — A very large meeting at Troy, altogether one to be thankful for ; many spoke affectionately to us afterwards. LansingburgJi. loth. — Another public meeting, which left me poor, and how many I made rich, questionable. My dear husband had also a meeting at a village, close by. 156 1833. [mt. 46. From Jonathan Backhouse. Lansingburgh, 16th of 7th mo., 1833. My Dear Children, Whilst on our voyage from New "York to Albany I longed for you to enjoy the magnificent scenery which the Hudson river discloses to view. It is a noble stream of one or two miles in width, running through a deep valley ; lofty banks ornamented with wood, neat farm-houses, gentlemen's seats, and pleasant villages interspersed ; the cliffs in some places bold and precipitous, and for five or six miles the basaltic rocks are almost perpendicular ; they are 594 feet high, and are called the Balustrades. We left New York on the 4th, came forty-five miles by water to Peekskill, had a meeting there that evening, and on Sixth-day we proceeded by steam-boat to Poughkeepsie, forty miles further ; passing through what are termed the Highlands, mountains close to the river, rising boldly from the margin to 1,500 feet in height. The tide flows 160 miles from the sea to Albany. This city is the capital of New York State, the seat of government, — a fine town containing 20,000 inhabitants. The City Hall is a noble building. We return to the journal : — 17th. — Rose early and went to the Springs [Saratoga], the pleasantest mineral water I ever tasted, highly saline and impregnated with fixed air. * * * * It is curious to see the M^ater springing up out of a conical rock about three feet high.* ISth. — A beautiful ride to a meeting six miles ofiF; the * From E. P. Kirkbricle : — " We spent a day or two at Saratoga Springs, and had a large and memorable meeting there. Some Jews were present. Before leaving, your dearest mother took a few tracts into the drawing-room, saying she wished to give them to the Jews. I was afraid they would not be well received ; but they appeared quite pleased with the attention : indeed there was so great a demand for them, she very soon got rid of all she had." KT. 46.] 1833. 157 Motts and other Friends kindly accompanied us. The poor Friends appeared very glad to see us : they are left few in number, their meetings having been so desolated by Hicksism. A long ride to John's Town^ where a meeting of many hundreds was at an hour's notice assembled. 21*^ — Attended the small meeting of Friends at Utica, and a time of refreshment it proved to me, and I believe to the little flock.* 2^th. — A cordial reception, and a meeting in the Presby- terian meeting-house at Auburn, proved a confirmation of faith that was at a low ebb. 27111. — Visited the prison at Auburn. The prisoners, 700 or 800, at breakfast. Afterwards went to see them work. The order and excellence of the regulations were very interesting. Finding no opportunity for religious communication could be had with them in the week, too hastily gave it up, and went on to Scipio ; but my mind was so burdened that we returned to Auburn, and next morning, at half-past six, after they had breakfasted^ had a very interesting opportunity with them. Then went to our two appointed meetings near Scipio, which were got through comfortably ; many Hicksites present, and many Gospel truths declared. Lodged at the very comfortable abode of Humphrey Rowland. 2Qth. — Called on an interesting family, great botanists, who had many flowers in their garden, and on Susannah Marriot, an English maiden dame of very good repute for sense, benevolence, and sound faith. * * * * We are truly in a magnificent country, the energy of its inhabitants marked by rapid improvements, and already excellent towns and villages prove that no tithes, no war debts to pay, and no feudal tenures, are a marvellous relief to the land. One thing I often remark, — that the courteousness of the mass of the inhabitants is greatly superior to that of the English, less noisy speaking, fewer vulgar tones and accents. ^ith of Sth mo. — Inexpressibly fearful of another meeting appointed at Ithaca this evening ; my faith renewed, and my * Of this meeting E. P. K. writes: — "Your dearest mother dwelt with unusual power and clearness on doctrinal points, and we were told afterwards that a Hicksite minister who had been zealously promulgating their views was present." 1833. [.ET. IG. body with it strengthened in a meeting witli some nice Friends and others at Hector, and in the evening a very large meeting at Ithaca, and one of the most satisfactory I have often had. The Baptist minister afterwards publicly asked, if we would not have another meeting and religious opportunity in his family, which my husband declined. Verily I think the world is fast acknowledging our principles, or thej'' would not listen so attentively. In a few places they refuse women's preaching ; yet it is but rarely they do so ; the ministers are too dependent upon the people, and the people receive it [women's preaching] willingly. 6th. — Rode to Farmington ; a hard day's work ; some exer- cise of mind and travelling many miles over a bad road. A violent thunderstorm, in which a tree was struck half-a-mile from the place where we took shelter. 7th. — A large meeting in the morning in the Friends' Meeting-house, many Friends and others present. I was helped out of much weariness to preach the Gospel. Kindly entertained at Asa Smith's. Sth. — Caleb Macumber, an interesting and original char- acter, and admirable minister, was with us : his kindness and sympathy have been truly valuable to me. He is a man of strong natural sense and full of pithy anecdotes ; roughness itself in exterior; under other circumstances, Johnson or Parr would not have outdone him. A Friend of his meeting said he frequently speaks, but he never knew two sermons at all similar. I thought of my dear father, whom he was not wholly unlike in countenance. Speaking of ministry and his own experience, he said, " I should be ready to question its authority if the same thing occurred again;" but all are not to expect that newness of idea is always to accompany newness of life. '[2th. — At Rochester, a very large meeting in the Methodist Meeting-house. Hardly alive, from fatigue ; but the meeting, I believe, not injured by it. — Went on to Hartas Hedley's at Wheatland, one of the most agreeable Friends' meetings I have been at. 17th. — Another large meeting at Rochester. If I had more satisfactorily taken leave of our kind young hosts, I think I should have left Rochester with a light heart. 2Brcl. — Arrived at Niagara just before sunset, and in time .Kv. 46.] 1833. 159 for a view of tlie Falls from the Table rock, and by moonlight also.* 24th. — Seeing the Falls all day from both sides. 2dth.~Tiose early and arrived in time for the Select Meeting in Yonge Street. In bed the rest of the day : found a kind and helpful friend in Margaret Wright. 1st of 9th mo., First-day. — Too ill to go to meeting. I somewhat enjoyed the rest from labour ; yet illness with poor accommodation at such a distance from home is no small trial. 2nd. — Made one call in the evening. Had the children together for the sake of Bible instruction. Zi'd. — Took leave of our kind friends, made a call or two on our way, and came to Whitchurch. Attended their meeting : felt very weak and poorly, but had the children together on Bible instruction in the evening. 8i/i. — A morning of trial : my heart is sore : some little refreshment in the meeting with Friends. Afterwards went to David's Town, to visit a people that had separated from Friends under David Wilson, whose principles and practices appear to be of the worst kind. Several hundreds came to the meeting. Wth. — Made more visits, one on David Wilson. Thought of what Paul said to Elymas, and partly repeated it. Came to James Pearson's pretty peacefully. \2th. — Attended the Monthly Meeting, perhaps I may say had some good service therein, particularly about establishing First-day schools. * Of this occasion her companion lurites : — " On our way to Canada we spent a few days at the falls of Niagara, and I shall not soon forget the lively interest which thy dear mother manifested in this truly sublime and wonderful spectacle ; it seemed so adapted to the dejith and breadth of her capacious and powerful understanding. But she was not idle even here. Several meetings for worship were held with the motley groups who frequent these spots of interest: some of them were favoured seasons. She had no idea of pleasure in opposition to duty ; but when she could combine the two things, as in the present instance, no one could have a keener relish for innocent enjoyment. Looking habitually through nature up to nature's God, the language of her spirit seemed to be — " Thus wondrous fair, Thyself how wondrous then." 160 1833. [.CT. 46. I5th. — Two good meetings ; one with the Friends of Youge Street, and another, a full one, with the people. A bright gleam afterwards, but paying a visit in the impatience to get done brought a cloud over my mind and was too much for my strength. 23rf?. — Fourteen miles of very rough travel, and a most beautifully fine day we had for it ; but felt it a close trial to be thus sent into the woods and again to have to put up my curtain in a log cabin. 24th. — Left my dear husband at York [now more generally known by the name of Toronto] , to attend meetings in the neighbourhood. Before we parted I felt bound on bended knee to beg preservation, craving that if for the sake of the souls of men we were to be separated, we might walk worthy of our high vocation. These are trials, but all must again and again be given up. 27th. — An interesting reading meeting with some young men Friends. The reading of the day, Samuel Neale's journal in America, suited my poor tried soul. In the afternoon, another meeting in the Methodist meeting-house, much more relieving than the last ; but it is a place in which there seems much in array against vital religion. Afterwards went to see some poor children of the neighbourhood, among whom the young men hope to establish a First-day school. Yo7'k, 29th. — Yesterday was a trial of faith [alluding to her concern for holding a meeting with the soldiers of the garrison] . The commanding officer gave me leave to have a meeting with as many of the garrison as wished to come, and was himself present. It was truly an awful engagement but it ended to my relief. The Commander aftei'wards ex- pressed his satisfaction, as did many of the officers and their wives. I endeavoured to make no more of my feelings than I could help, but this engagement did cost me some- thing. To preach Christianity faithfully among soldiers and not offend did seem difficult ; but I may thankfully say I was helped to do it. We returned from the barracks about six o'clock, and after tea Isaac Hammer spent an hour or two very pleasantly with us. 29fh. — Took the steam-boat to Hamilton ; but my mind, though not sorely distressed as it had sometimes been on -ET. 46.] 1833. 101 similar occasions, had not sufficient evidence of being- right, thoroughly to enjoy the interesting letters from home which had been put into my hands upon going on board. A little more patience, and I believe I should have had a very peace- ful release. Slst. — Quite ill in the morning — a very severe headach — low in mind. Ventured to appoint a meeting in the evening, which was satisfactory, and my poor soul was cheered. 4i/i of 11th mo. — A long ride over very bad roads in the dark, to a house in which the accommodation was very low ; for, oh ! to sleep in a small room — men, women, and children ■ — is oppressive ; especially when body, soul, and spirit seem all in like condition. 6th. — Turned back six miles to hold a meeting at Levi " "Wilson's, which was a large and very satisfactory one, bringing some light and peace into my mind, encouraging to do what my hands find to do. 8th. — Went to a meeting appointed near ; night dark and rainy ; my mind has not often been more enlarged on gospel truths, nor have I felt more ability to declare them. 12th. — In the afternoon had several children collected, who took much interest about the First-day school. The following are extracts from letters written at this time — To HER SON Henry. We are again going from log-cabin to log- cabin, and seeing multitudes of unlettered children. We have felt unusually interested about them, in a little meeting near this place, in which I think there must be a hundred, in not much more than ten families. You have indeed great advantages : most of these poor children can barely read intelligibly, and are very ignorant of the Sci'ip- tures. They are many of them very good-looking, with fine curly hair and bright black eyes ; hands as brown as an Indian's, feet bare, and of the same complexion. I am per- suaded there is a labour for the mind that as much conduces to its health, as labour for the body ; but there may be too much, which only makes it weak. I have always desired M 102 1833. for thee^ my dear child^ that thou mayest be industrious, but I have never wished thee to overwork tliyself. Some can bear more personal exertion than others ; and so it is with the mind : if we do our share according to our abilities, it is all that can be expected of us, and we need not fret oui'selves because those of stronger power can do more ; for surely, thougli learning is desirable, well-regulated dispositions of mind are more so. To THE Same. I am glad you are so comfoi'table at school, and have such a kind master and mistress. Dost thou ever bring her any flowers out of thy garden ? Little attentions of that kind are pleasing, and show gratitude for greater kindnesses. I have always liked the story of Fido, in Evenings at Home. Little things may often bring very im- portant consequences. " For want of a nail the shoe was lost, for want of a shoe the horse was lost, and for want of a horse the man was lost," — so poor Richard says. We must be careful of little things ; it is the pence that make the pound. So I hope thou wilt begin by doing right in little things, and greater will follow. I consider dress to be a little thing, and yet our appearance altogether has a decided efl"ect on the mind and character. If we attend too much to it, it makes us trifling, and if too little, disorderly and dis- agreeable ; so I hope thou wilt keep the happy medium. To HER YOUXGEST SoX. Norwich, 12tU of 11th mo., 1833. * * * * I am glad grandmamma gave thee a plane. I used to be very fond of using carpenter's tools, and I should like my little son (though I suppose he has grown a tall boy now), to be able to use them well. We never can tell what may be our allotment in life, and know- ledge of all kinds we one time or other generally find a use for. I should like thee to read the story of the gentleman and the basket-maker, in Sandford and Merton ; I have sometimes been reminded of it since I came into this country, cir rather the rougher parts of it. In Philadelphia and the .HT. 4G ] 1833. 163 great towns we live much as we do in England ; but here we had much better know liow to cut down a tree than to dravi it most beautifully. Dear " papa" left us two weeks ago, and I have not heard if he attended Carolina Yearly Meeting. I hope he may be back again shortly. I think of you night and day, and do feel it a very^ very long absence ; but I believe it my duty yet to be here ; so if we all try to do right, I hope some day we may all be happy together again. We travel over very rough roads ; but if we remain much longer in this part of the countr^'^j we hope to have sleighing, which will make it much easier to get along, but I should be glad to be excused from spending a winter in Canada. I do not like Canada so well as the United States, though they are much alike ; yet there does not seem quite the same energy among the inhabitants, and more poor-looking people in the great towns, in conse- quence of the numbers of Irish that come over in great wretchedness. We have met some Indians on the road with their blankets on their shoulders. I missed seeing those Indians who have been under the care of Peter Jones ; but I held a meeting in the log-house of his father, who has obtained a large tract of land by marrying four Indian wives. * * * * Farewell, my very dear child. I am glad to hear that thou art a good boy, and I hope thou wilt continue to be so. Thy very affectionate mother, H. C Backhouse. To HER Daughters. I am pleased you like attending the Yearly Meeting : let us take home all that belongs to us, and leave the rest. * * * * I advise you not to perplex yourselves about the various views of right and wrong in things not immediately your own business : study to be quiet and to mind that, and then, after much experience, your senses may be exercised to discern between good and evil in things relating to others. But it is generally safest, especially in early life, to form no judgment on things that do not especially concern us. M 2 164 1833. [jet. 46. To . * * * * Though much suffering has been my portion in this land, I have to acknowledge many mercies ; and many hours in which the truths and joys of Christianity have been sealed more deeply on my mind than at any other period of my life. Domestic life appears to be sometimes almost too great a comfort to be allowed in this world ; so long separated from it, I may forget that it also has its toils, trials, and temptations. * * * * It is very trying to me to be so unusually detained from place to place ; it brings mind and body low, I can assure you ; but I feel so peaceful after my day's work this evening, that I am again willing to cast myself, my cares, and all that is dearest to me, on Him, who we may surely acknowledge has cared for us, and leave our times in his hands, trusting that He will be pleased to order all things rightly. It is no small trial to be again without your dear father ; but I have often thought that if we are not separated now, he will have to come back and finish his work when mine is over. If we follow in faith we must not regard anything before the voice of our Master, trusting that He will not put upon us a burden w^hich He will not enable us to bear. To return to the journal. 13^A.— The Monthly Meeting [of Norwich]. In that for discipline my school business was introduced. Wearied ai I am with a tale so often told, the manner of its reception and the feeling that accompanies it sometimes surprises me. Perhaps these schools may be the most lasting fruit of my toils ! I also mentioned my view of visiting families, which was very cordially received. 24