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CHINESE GORDON 
 
 THE UNCROWNED KING 
 
 HIS CHARACTER AS IT IS PORTRAYED IN HIS PRIVATE 
 LETTERS 
 
 COMPILED BY 
 
 K 
 
 LAURA C. HOLLOWAY 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 FUNK & WAGNALLS 
 
 10 AND 12 Dey Stpeet 
 
 1885 
 
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1885, by 
 LAURA C. HOLLOWAY, 
 
 In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, D. C. 
 
< < Arrived at Khartoum , he had to submit to the 
 ceremony of installation. The Cadi read the fir- 
 man and presented an address , a royal salute was 
 fired , and then Gordon had to make his speech 
 from the vice-throne. It was very shorty but ‘ it 
 pleased the people much. ’ The pithy sentence he 
 uttered was , 4 With the help of God I will hold the 
 balance level / 5 and then , as not he records , he 
 ‘ directed gratuities to be distributed to the deserv- 
 ing poor, and in three days he gave away upward 
 of a thousand pounds of his own money.' ” — 
 Fobbes’ Life of Gobdon. 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2017 with funding from 
 Princeton Theological Seminary Library 
 
 https://archive.org/details/chinesegordonuncOOgord 
 
BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 The hero of the Soudan is the subject of 
 universal interest, and his character is admired 
 by all who can appreciate the incarnation of the 
 world’s highest ideal of manhood. After a career 
 of enthusiastic unselfishness, spent in the service of 
 his race, his martyr’s fate was its fit culmination. 
 
 The inner life of this uncrowned king, which is 
 clearly portrayed in the excerpts from his private 
 letters, compiled in this little book, is worthy the 
 earnest study of the race, for Gordon was God’s 
 best gift to man — a hero. 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 THE UNCKOWKED KING. 
 
 My only consolation is that everything is for the 
 best. 
 
 I have no right to possess anything, having once 
 given myself to God. 
 
 The Mussulman worships God as well as 1 do, 
 and is as acceptable, if sincere, as any Christian. 
 
 I care nothing for a high name. As for honors, 
 I do not value them at all, and never did. 
 
 Answer to an Invitation to Dinner . — “ Ask the 
 poor and sick ; don’t ask me, who have enough !” 
 
 I am so glad to get away (from Cairo), for I am 
 very weary. I go up alone, with an infinite Al- 
 mighty God to direct and guide me ; and am glad 
 to so trust Him as to fear nothing, and, indeed, 
 to feel sure of success. 
 
 Praying for the people ahead of me whom I am 
 about to visit, gives me much strength ; and it is 
 wonderful how something seems already to have 
 
8 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 passed between us when I meet a chief (for whom 
 I have prayed) for the first time. On this I base 
 my hopes of a triumphant march to Fascher. I have 
 really no troops with me, hut 1 have the Shekinah, 
 and I do like trusting to Him and not to men. 
 Remember, unless He gave me the confidence and 
 encouraged me to trust Him, I could not have it ; 
 and so 1 consider that I have the earnest of success 
 in this confidence. 
 
 I, for one, do not care about being “ lamented 5J 
 after death. Do not think I am ill-tempered, but 
 I do not care one jot about my promotion or what 
 people may say. 1 know I shall leave China as 
 poor as I entered it, but with the knowledge that 
 through my weak instrumentality upward of eighty 
 to one hundred thousand lives have been spared. 
 I want no further satisfaction than this. 
 
 Who art thou to be afraid of a man ? If He 
 wills, I will shake all this in some way not clear to 
 me now. Do not think I am an egotist. We 
 have a king mightier than these, and more endur- 
 ing riches and power in Him than we can have in 
 this world. I will not bow to Haman. 
 
 God knows what my anxiety was. Not for 
 my life, for I died years ago to all ties in this world 
 and to all its comforts, honors, and glories. 
 
THE UHCROWHED KIHGr. 
 
 9 
 
 If we could take all tilings as ordained and for 
 the best, we should indeed be conquerors of the 
 world. Nothing has ever happened to man so bad 
 as he has anticipated it to be. If we should be 
 quiet under our troubles, they would not be so pain- 
 ful to bear. I cannot separate the existence of a 
 God from His pre-ordination and direction of all 
 things good and evil ; the latter He permits, but 
 still controls. 
 
 God has given you ties and anchors to this 
 earth ; you have wives and families ; I, thank God, 
 have none of them, and am free. . . . You 
 
 are only called on at intervals to rely on your God ; 
 I am obliged continually to do so. I mean by this 
 that you have only great trials, such as the illness 
 of- a child, when you feel yourself utterly weak, 
 now and then. I am constantly in anxiety. The 
 body rebels against this constant leaning on God ; 
 it is a heavy strain on it ; it causes appetite to cease. 
 
 Find me the man— and I will take him as my help 
 — who utterly despises money, name, glory, honor 
 — one who never wishes to see his home again, one 
 who looks to God as the source of good and con- 
 troller of evil, one who has a healthy body and an 
 energetic spirit, and one who looks on death as a 
 release from misery. If you cannot find him, then 
 leave me alone. 
 
10 
 
 CHINESE GOKDON, 
 
 I feel a great contentment. A star when it 
 makes its highest point is said to have culminated ; 
 and I feel 1 have culminated — i. e. , I wish for no 
 higher or other post than the one I have ; and 1 
 know I cannot be removed unless it is God’s will, 
 so I rest on a rock, and can be content. Many 
 would wish a culminating point with less wear and 
 tear. But that very wear and tear makes me cling 
 more to the place, and I thank God. He has made 
 me succeed, not in any very glorious way, but in 
 a substantial and lasting manner. 1 entirely take 
 that prophecy of Isaiah as my own, and work to 
 it as far as 1 can* 
 
 It is a delightful thing to be a fatalist, not as 
 that word is generally employed, but to accept that, 
 when things happen and not before. God has for 
 some wise reason so ordained them to happen — all 
 things, not only the great things, but all the cir- 
 cumstances of life ; that is what is meant to me by 
 the words, “ you are dead,” in St. Paul to Colos- 
 sians. 
 
 I have four English officers with me ; we wear 
 anything we can get, and the men are almost in rags. 
 
 * “ And it shall be for a sign and for a witness unto the 
 Lord of hosts in the land of Egypt : for they shall cry unto the 
 Lord because of the oppressors, and He shall send them a 
 saviour, and a great one, and He shall deliver them.’' 
 
THE UHCROWiN’ED KLN’G. 
 
 11 
 
 Cowardly, effeminate, lying brutes these Arabs 
 and Soudanese ! without any good point about 
 them that 1 have seen. It is degrading to call 
 these leaders and these men officers and soldiers 
 — I wish they had one neck, and that some one 
 would squeeze it ! When not obliged, I keep as 
 far away as I can from them, out of ear-shot of 
 their voices. It is not the climate, it is not the 
 natives, but it is the soldiery which is my horror. 
 
 J\Iy idea is that the restoration of the country 
 should be made to the different petty sultans who 
 existed at the time of Mehemet Ali’s conquest, and 
 whose families still exist ; that the Mahdi should be 
 left altogether out of the calculation as regards the 
 handing over .the country ; and that it should be 
 optional with the sultans to accept his supremacy 
 or not. 1 doubt much the liberation of the slaves 
 in the twelve years (according to the convention), 
 of which there now remains nine. Who will do it ? 
 
 I prayed heartily for an issue (in going to Dara), 
 but it gave me a pain in the heart like that I had 
 when surrounded at Masindi. I do not fear death, 
 but 1 fear, from want of faith, the result of my 
 death, for the whole country would have risen. It 
 is indeed most painful to be in such a position ; 
 it takes a year’s work out of me. 
 
12 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 I am neither a Napoleon nor a Colbert. I do not 
 profess either to have been a great ruler or a great 
 financier ; but I can say this — 1 have cut off the 
 slave-dealers in their strongholds, and 1 made the 
 people love me. 
 
 I must not complain if they (the natives) have 
 no thought of what I have already gone through. 
 There is only one issue to it, and that is death, and 
 I often feel I wish it would come and relieve me. 
 
 I have certainly got into a slough with the Sou- 
 dan ; but looking at my Banker, my Commander- 
 in-chief, and my Administrator, it will be wonderful 
 if I do not get out of it. If 1 had not got this 
 Almighty Power to back me in His infinite wis- 
 dom, I do not know how I could ever think of 
 what is to be done. 
 
 It is lamentable work, and over and over again 
 in the fearful heat I wish I was in the other world. 
 When I look back on the hours and hours of wait- 
 ing for this and that, during China and later cam- 
 paigns, and here, I really think few men have had 
 such worries in this way. But I am wrong in it ; 
 the lot is cast evenly to us all. We are servants ; 
 sometimes our Master gives us work, and at others 
 lie does not, and our feelings in both circumstances 
 should be the same. All I can say is, that this in- 
 
THE UNCROWNED KING. 
 
 13 
 
 action, with so much to do elsewhere, is very trying 
 indeed to my body. 
 
 I have just seen Khalifa Atra, who reigned for a 
 few hours (as Ameer), and I told him it was better 
 to be humble, and not high, than to be proud and 
 elevated, for a fall has always to be feared ; if one 
 is near the ground one cannot fall very far. 
 
 I esteem it a far greater honor to promote peace 
 than to gain any paltry honors in a wretched war. 
 
 There would be no one so unwelcome to come 
 and reside in the world as Christ while the world 
 is in the state it now is. He would be dead against — 
 say, nearly all of our pursuits, and be altogether 
 outrd. 1 gave you Watson on Contentment ; it is 
 this true exposition of how happiness is to be ob- 
 tained — i.e., submission to the will of God, what- 
 ever that will may be ; he who can say he realizes 
 this has overcome the world and its trials. Every- 
 thing that happens to-day, good or evil, is settled 
 and fixed, and it is no use fretting over it. The 
 quiet, peaceful life of our Lord was solely due to 
 His submission to God’s will. There will be times 
 when a strain will come on me, and as the strain 
 so will your strength be. 
 
 The future world has been somehow painted to 
 our mind as a place of continuous praise ; and 
 
14 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 tliongli we may not say it, yet one cannot help feel- 
 ing that, if thus, it would prove monotonous. It 
 cannot be thus. It must be a life of activity ; for 
 happiness is dependent on activity. Death is cessa- 
 tion of movement ; life is all movement. 
 
 Poor little wretches, (slaves,) only stomachs and 
 heads, with antennae for legs and arms — the enor- 
 mous stomachs caused by grass-feeding. 
 
 The Soudan is a useless possession, ever was so, 
 and ever will be so. Larger than Germany, France, 
 and Spain together, and mostly barren, it cannot 
 be governed except by a Dictator who may be good 
 or bad. If bad, he will cause constant revolts. No 
 one who has ever lived in the Soudan can escape 
 the reflection, “ What a useless possession is this 
 land !” Few men, also, can stand its fearful mo- 
 notony and deadly climate. 
 
 As for tax- collecting, or any government existing 
 outside the forts, it is all nonsense. Y ou cannot go 
 out in safety half a mile — all because they have 
 been fighting the poor natives and taking their 
 cattle. 
 
 It pains me what sufferings my poor Khedive 
 Ismail had to go through. 
 
 My occupying this city enables the Imperial Gov- 
 
THE UiTCROWKED KING. 
 
 15 
 
 eminent to protect an enormous district, rich in 
 corn, etc., and the people around are so thankful for 
 their release that it is quite a pleasure. ... You 
 may hear of cruelties being committed ; do not be- 
 lieve them. 
 
 My poor escort, where is it ? Imagine to your- 
 self a single, dirty, red-faced man on a camel orna- 
 mented with flies, arriving in the divan all of a 
 sudden ! 
 
 Gordon's interview with King John of Abyssinia. 
 
 Do you know, Gordon Pasha, that I could kill 
 you on the spot if I liked V 9 ‘‘I am perfectly well 
 aware of it, your Majesty,” said the Pasha. “ Do 
 so at once if it is your royal pleasure. I am 
 ready.” 
 
 This disconcerted the king still more, and he ex- 
 claimed, u What ! ready to be killed V 9 “ Cer- 
 tainly,” replied the Pasha ; “ I am always ready to 
 die, and so far from fearing your putting me to 
 death, you would confer a favor on me by so doing ; 
 for you would be doing for me that which I am 
 precluded by my religious scruples from doing for 
 myself — you would relieve me from all the troubles 
 and misfortunes which the future may have in store 
 for me.” 
 
 This completely staggered King .John, who 
 
16 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 gasped out In despair, 44 Then, my power has no 
 terrors for you ?” 
 
 44 Hone whatever,” was the Pasha’s laconic re- 
 ply. His Majesty, it is needless to add, instantly 
 collapsed. 
 
 Ho man ever had a harder task than I, unaided, 
 have before me ; but it sits as a feather on me. As 
 Solomon asked, I ask wisdom to govern this great 
 people ; and not only He will give it, but all else 
 besides. And why ? Because I value not the 
 4 4 all besides.” 1 am quite as averse to slavery, and 
 even more so than most people. I show it by sac- 
 rificing myself in these lands, which are no Para- 
 dise. I have naught to gain in name or riches. I 
 do not care what men may say. I do what 1 think 
 is pleasing to my God ; and, as far as man goes, I 
 need nothing from any one. The Khedive never 
 had directly gained any revenue from slaves. 1 
 now hold this place here ; and I, who am on the 
 spot with unlimited power, am able to judge how 
 impotent he, at Cairo, is to stop the slave trade. I 
 can doit with God’s help, and I have the conviction 
 He has destined me to do it ; for it was much 
 against my will I came here. What I have to do 
 is to settle matters that I do not cause a revolution 
 on my own death — not that I value life. 1 have 
 done with its comforts in coming liqre. My work 
 
THE UNCROWNED KlisGr. 
 
 17 
 
 is great, bnt does not weigli me down. I go on as 
 straight as I can. 1 feel my own weakness, and 
 look to Him who is almighty ; and I leave the issue, 
 without inordinate care, to Him. 1 expect to ride 
 five thousand miles this year if I am spared. I am 
 quite alone, and like it. I have become what peo- 
 ple call a great fatalist — viz., I trust God will pull 
 me through every difficulty. The solitary grandeur 
 of the desert makes me feel how vain is the effort 
 of man. This carries me through my troubles, and 
 enables me to look on death as a coming relief when 
 it is His will. . . . It is only my firm convic- 
 
 tion that I am only an instrument put in use for a 
 time that enables me to bear up ; and in my pres- 
 ent state, during my long, hot, weary rides, I 
 think my thoughts better and clearer than I should 
 with a companion. 
 
 W e have nothing further to do when the scroll 
 of events is unrolled than to accept them as being 
 for the best. Before it is unrolled it is another 
 matter ; and you could not say I sat still and let 
 things happen with this belief. All I can say is, 
 that amid troubles and worries, no one can have 
 peace till he thus stays upon his God ; it gives a 
 man a superhuman strength. 
 
 Self is the best officer to do anything for you. 
 
18 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 To forget anything comes to the same thing as to 
 refuse to execute it ; indeed, is somewhat worse. 
 
 I will let captured slaves go down to Egypt and 
 not molest them, and 1 will do what I like and what 
 God in His mercy may direct me to do about domes- 
 tic slaves ; hut I will break the neck of slave raids, 
 even if it cost me my life. 
 
 I have seen Li Hung Chang, and he wishes me 
 to stay with him. I cannot desert China in her 
 present crisis, and would he free to act as I think 
 fit. I therefore beg to resign my commission in 
 Her Majesty’s service. 
 
 In all natures, however savage, there is something 
 good. 
 
 I often think how small the office-work gener- 
 ally is with us in England in our great offices, in 
 comparison with the questions one has to decide 
 here. In the one case a few pounds are in dispute ; 
 in the other case the whole tenure and the destinies 
 of human beings are a question. In reality both 
 are equally important, so far as the effect on our- 
 selves is concerned. The procuring and boiling of 
 potatoes is as much to a poor woman as the reor- 
 ganization of the army is to Cardwell. 
 
 Search myself as I will, I find that in all my 
 
THE UNCEOWNED KING. 
 
 19 
 
 career I can lay no claim to cleverness, discretion, or 
 wisdom. My success has been due to a series of 
 (called by the world) flukes. My sense of inde- 
 pendence is gone. 1 own nothing and am nothing. 
 I am a pauper, and seem to have ceased to exist. 
 A sack of rice jolting along on a camel would do as 
 much as I think 1 do. But how different it is in 
 appearance to the world ! 
 
 Whether I succeed in being heard or not is not 
 in my hands. I protest, however, against being 
 regarded as one who wishes for war in any country, 
 far less in China. In the event of war breaking out, 
 I could not answer how I should act for the pres- 
 ent ; but I shall ardently desire a speedy peace. 
 
 It is one comfort to be utterly uncomfortable, 
 for it cannot be worse, and may be better. 
 
 We must confess that it is far easier to say go and 
 do this or that than to do it. 
 
 If I followed my own desire, 1 should leave now 
 (China), as I have escaped unscathed, and been won- 
 derfully successful. I do not apprehend that the 
 rebellion will last six months longer if I take the 
 field. It may last six years if I leave. 
 
 1 never want anything published. I am sure it 
 does no good, and makes people chary of writing. 
 
20 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 His Higliness threw me over completely at the 
 last moment ; but far from being angry, I was very 
 glad, for it relieved me of a great deal of trouble, 
 and he said I might go at the end of next week. I 
 laugh at all this farce. I left Cairo with no honors, 
 by the ordinary train, paying my fare. The sun, 
 which rose with such splendor, set in the deepest 
 obscurity. His Highness was bored with me after 
 my failure, and could not bear the sight of me, 
 which those around him soon knew. 1 do not 
 know how matters will end with me, for I was too 
 outspoken at Cairo to have strengthened my posi- 
 tion. When one depends on one man, a bit of 
 cheese or a fig will cause, perhaps, a change in that 
 man’s digestion and temper. 
 
 You may rely on this, that if there was any pos- 
 sible way of avoiding these wretched fights, 1 should 
 adopt it, for the whole war is hateful to me. 
 
 What could I do ? I could only address the 
 Arabs with me, and tell them that if they took 
 Mussulmans as slaves they did it against the com- 
 mand of the Koran ; and I took sand and washed 
 my hands, in order that they might see 1 put on 
 them the responsibility of the decision. 
 
 No one can conceive what my officers and troops 
 are ! I will say no more than that for my own 
 
THE UJs CROWDED KING, 
 
 21 
 
 personal safety I must get two hundred men as a 
 body-guard. I do not think one of the enemy was 
 killed at the assault of the station. Not one ought 
 to have escaped. I was sickened to see twenty 
 brave men in alliance with me ride out to meet the 
 Leopard tribe, unsupported by my men, who 
 crowded the stockade ! It was terribly painful. 
 The only thing which restrained me from riding 
 out to the attack was the sheep-like state in which 
 my people would have been had I been killed. 
 
 What also would have become of the province ? 
 1 am now a Tsung Ping Mandarin (which is the 
 second highest grade), and have acquired a good 
 deal of influence. I do not care about that over- 
 much. I am quite sure I was right in taking over 
 the command, as you would say if you saw the 
 ruthless character of the rebels. 
 
 I know that I am not actuated by personal con- 
 siderations, but merely as I think will be most con- 
 ducive to the interests of our government. 
 
 I act for myself, and judge for myself ; this I have 
 found to be the best way of getting on. 
 
 Ninety-nine men out of a hundred may be worth- 
 less, but we should go on and find the hundredth. 
 
 The Yellow Jacket, which has been conferred on 
 
22 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 me, is a regular Chinese distinction, with which 
 some twenty Mandarins have been decorated ; it 
 constitutes the recipient one of the Emperor’s body- 
 guard. I do not care twopence about these things, 
 but know that you and my father like them. 
 
 Of Captain Craigie (a brother-officer in the 
 Crimea), I am glad to say that he was a serious 
 man. The shell burst above him, and by what is 
 called chance struck him in the back, killing him 
 at once. 
 
 Lord Raglan died of tear and wear and general 
 debility. He was universally regretted, as he was 
 so kind. His life has been entirely spent in the 
 service of his country. I hope he was prepared, 
 but do not know. 
 
 The people on the confines are suffering greatly, 
 and are in fact dying of starvation. It is most sad, 
 this state of affairs, and our government really 
 ought to put the rebellion down. Words could not 
 depict the horrors these people suffer from the 
 rebels, or describe the utter deserts they have made 
 of this rich province. 
 
 I feel convinced that the rebel chiefs would come 
 to terms if they had fair ones offered. I mean to 
 do my best to bring this about, and am sure that 
 if I do I shall gain a greater victory than any capt- 
 
THE UNCROWNED KING. 
 
 23 
 
 ures of cities would be. ... 1 care nothing 
 
 for a high name. 
 
 Men at times, owing to the mysteries of Provi- 
 dence, form judgments which they afterward repent 
 of. This was my case in accepting the appointment 
 Lord Ripon honored me in offering me. I repented 
 of my act as soon as I had accepted the appoint- 
 ment, and I deeply regret that I had not the moral 
 courage to say so at that time. N othing could have 
 exceeded the kindness and consideration with which 
 Lord Ripon has treated me. I have never met any 
 one with whom I could have felt greater sympathy 
 in the arduous task he has undertaken. . . . The 
 brusqueness of my leaving was inevitable, inasmuch 
 as my stay would have put me in possession of 
 secrets of state that — considering my decision even- 
 tually to leave — 1 ought not to know. Certainly I 
 might have stayed for a month or two, had a pain 
 in the hand, and gone quietly ; but the whole duties 
 were so distasteful that I felt — being pretty callous 
 as to what the world says — that it was better to go 
 at once. 
 
 I tell you truly I do not want anything, either 
 money or honors, from either the Chinese Govern- 
 ment or our own. As for honors, I do not value 
 them at all, and never did. I know that I am 
 
24 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 doing a great deal of good, and, liking my profes- 
 sion, do not mind going on with the work under the 
 circumstances. ... I should have refused the 
 ten thousand taels, even if everything had gone 
 well, and there had been no trouble at Soochow. 
 
 1 think that any one who contributes to putting 
 down this rebellion fulfils a humane task, and, 1 
 also think, tends a great deal to open China to civ- 
 ilization. I will not act rashly, and I trust soon to 
 be able to return to England. ... I. can say 
 that if I had not accepted the command, I believe 
 the force would have broken up, and the rebellion 
 gone on in its misery for years. I trust this will 
 not now be the case. ... I think I am doing 
 a good service. 
 
 A man made to fight against his will is not only 
 a bad soldier, but he is a positive danger, causing 
 anxiety to his leaders, and absorbing a large force 
 to prevent his defection. 
 
 1 can say that few men have so much faith put 
 in them by the Chinese as myself. 
 
 If we try to drive the Chinese into sudden re- 
 forms, they will strike and resist with the greatest 
 obstinacy, and will relapse back again into old habits 
 when the pressure is removed ; but if we lead 
 
THE UNCROWNED KIIsTG. 
 
 25 
 
 them, we shall find them willing to a degree, and 
 more easy to manage. They like to have an option, 
 and hate having a course struck out for them, as if 
 they were of no account in the matter. They also 
 like to see the utility of the course proposed, and 
 to have the reasons for the same explained over 
 and over again ; and they are also quick in seeing 
 advantages and disadvantages. ... I have 
 got on by proposing to them a course of action in 
 such a way as to give them a certain option as to 
 whether they will follow it or not, and have always 
 endeavored to recommend nothing which would 
 clash utterly with their prejudices ; by this means 1 
 have led them on to change many things, which 1 
 should never have succeeded in doing if 1 had tried 
 to force them to do all at once. 
 
 What a complex question this is (the slave trade) ! 
 I wish it was unravelled, for the tension on me now 
 for six months has been great, and I have not fin- 
 ished the half of my troubles. 
 
 I only look to benefiting the peoples. 
 
 With terrific exertions I may in two or three 
 years’ time, with God’s administration, make a good 
 province, with a good army and a fair revenue, and 
 peace and an increased trade, and also have sup- 
 pressed slave raids, and then I will come home and 
 
26 
 
 CHINESE GORDON", 
 
 go to bed, and never get up again til] noon every- 
 day, and never walk more than a mile. 
 
 The government of the Egyptians in those far-off 
 countries is nothing else hut one of brigandage of 
 the very worst description. It is so bad that all 
 hope of ameliorating it is hopeless ; so I am doing 
 the only thing possible — that is, vacate them. I 
 have given up blaming the governors, for it is use- 
 less, so I send them to Cairo. 
 
 1 value my life but as naught, and should only 
 leave much weariness for perfect peace. 
 
 Inclined as I am, with only a small degree of ad- 
 miration for military exploits, I esteem it a far 
 greater honor to promote peace than to gain any 
 petty honors in a wretched war. 
 
 I do not write the details of my misery. They 
 are over, thank God ! Sleeping with an Abyssinian 
 at the foot, and one on each side of you, is not com- 
 fortable, and so I passed my last night in Abyssinia. 
 
 Bodily Comfort — a very strong gentleman — says, 
 “ You are well ; you have done enough ; go home 
 — go home and be quiet, and risk no more.” Mr. 
 Reason says, u What is the use of opening more 
 country for such a government ? There is more 
 now under their power than they will ever manage. 
 
THE UNCROWNED KING. 
 
 27 
 
 Betire now, and avoid troubles with M’tesa and the 
 Mission.” But Mr. Somebody (I do not know 
 wbat) says, “ Shut your eyes to what may happen 
 in future ; leave that to God, and do what you 
 think will open the country thoroughly to both 
 lakes. Do this not for the Khedive, or for his gov- 
 ernment, but do it blindly and in faith. 5 ’ An oracle 
 also says, “ Let your decision rest on the way the 
 Khedive is disposed ; if he desires you to stay, then 
 stay ; but if he seems indifferent, then do not hesi- 
 tate, but go away for good.” 
 
 The general report in Cairo was that I was going 
 in for being sultan ! But it would not suit our 
 family. 
 
 I can say truly, “ No man has ever been so forced 
 into a high position as I have. How many 1 know 
 to 'whom the incense would be the breath of their 
 nostrils ! To me it is irksome beyond measure. 
 Eight or ten men to help me off my camel ! as if I 
 were an invalid. If I walk, every one gets off and 
 walks ; so, furious, I get on again.” 
 
 I have written to say that if anything happens to 
 me the Khedive is to be defended from all blame, 
 and the accident is not to be put down to the sup- 
 pression of slavery. I have to contend with many 
 vested interests, with fanaticism, with the abolition 
 
28 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 of hundreds of Arnauts, Turks, etc., now acting as 
 Bashi-Bazouks ; with inefficient governors, with 
 wild independent tribes of Bedouins, and with a 
 large semi-independent province lately under Se- 
 behr, the black Pasha, at Bahr Gazelle. 
 
 I have shaken my heart or my lungs out of their 
 places (he had ridden over nearly four thousand 
 miles of desert within the year), and I have the 
 same feeling in my chest as you have when you 
 have a crick in the neck. ... I say sincerely 
 that, though I prefer to be here sooner than any- 
 where, I would sooner be dead than live this life. 
 
 It is such a country (the Soudan), so worthless ; 
 and I see nothing to be gained by its occupation. 
 
 You do not know how unpalatable these positions 
 are to my pride. If I had my way, I would have 
 ridden through with one hundred horsemen and not 
 feared ; it is the grander state one has to go on. 
 
 1 have sent my journal (of 1863) home to H . 
 
 I do not want the same published, as I think if 
 my proceedings sink into oblivion it would be better 
 for every one. 
 
 Sometimes 1 wish 1 had never gone into this sort 
 of Bedouin life, either in China or here. Is it my 
 fault or my failing that I never have a respectable 
 
THE UNCROWNED KING. 
 
 29 
 
 assistant with me to bear part of my labors ? The 
 men who would suit me are all more or less bur- 
 dened with their families, etc. ; those who are not so 
 loaded are for money or for great acts, which do 
 not accord with my views. 
 
 I feel very sorry for the poor people, for they 
 were my allies at Wadar, and through their absence 
 with me their possessions were exposed to the at- 
 tacks of these scoundrels. What misery ! But the 
 Higher than the highest regardetli it, and can help 
 them. I cannot.* 
 
 I would give my life for these poor people of the 
 Soudan. How can I help feeling for them ? All 
 the time I was there, every night I used to pray 
 that God would lay upon me the burden of their 
 sins, and crush me with it instead of these poor 
 sheep. I really wished and longed for it. 
 
 Ho panic ; if 1 disappear altogether for some 
 months do not be afraid, even if you hear that I 
 am a prisoner. Take no alarm ; it may be that 
 only by being made a prisoner 1 may be able to 
 gain access to the Mahdi, and induce him to permit 
 the garrisons to escape. 
 
 I will not leave these people after all they have 
 gone through. I shall not leave Khartoum until I 
 can put some one in. 
 
30 
 
 CHINESE GORDON, 
 
 Tlie prosperity of Egypt can only follow the res- 
 toration of peace in the Soudan. 
 
 I will look after the troops in the equator, Bahr- 
 el-Grhazel, and in Darfu, although it cost me my 
 life. 
 
 1 do so cordially dislike these wretched troops ! 
 
 In all cases commanders have some reli- 
 able men. There is a moral conviction, which it is 
 necessary for soldiers to have — namely, that they 
 will conquer ; let this be wanting, and they are 
 worthless. The Khedive has not taken the least 
 notice of my complaints of them, but urges me 
 on still further. What is it to him what tenfold 
 additional trouble I have to take in consequence ! 
 
 It is odd that the totally naked tribes seem to be 
 in one circular place, between Duffi and Fashoda, 
 and that then you have a ring of partially naked, 
 and then the clothed tribes. Adam knew he was 
 naked, but these naked tribes have no notion of it 
 whatever ; there is some great mystery. Up here 
 they are all clothed. 
 
 I do not carry arms, as I ought to do, for my 
 whole attention is devoted to defending the nape of 
 my neck from mosquitoes. 
 
 I go with only a half heart, for I would wish to 
 be at Gallipoli. I know it was wrong in one way, 
 
THE UNCROWNED KING. 
 
 31 
 
 bnt I cannot help it. It would be a great trouble 
 for the Khedive, I know ; but if God took me away 
 he would not have any trouble in finding another 
 worm to fill the place. You may imagine my feel- 
 ing in going down to Aden to-morrow just at the 
 crisis ; it is truly dechirant. 
 
 What a mystery, is it not ? why they (the natives) 
 are created ! A life of fear and misery, night and 
 day ! One does not wonder at their not fearing 
 death. Ko one can conceive the utter misery of 
 these lands — heat and mosquitoes day and night — 
 all the year round. But I like the work, for I 
 believe I can do a great deal to ameliorate the lot 
 of the people. 
 
 I shall hold on here as long as I can ; and if I can 
 suppress the rebellion, I will do so. If I cannot, I 
 shall retire to the equator, and leave you the indel- 
 ible disgrace of abandoning the garrisons of Senaar, 
 Kassala, Berber, and Dongola, with the certainty 
 that you will eventually be forced to smash up the 
 Mahdi under great difficulties, if you would retain 
 peace in Egypt. 
 
 I stay at Khartoum because Arabs have shut us 
 up and will not let us out. I also add that, even 
 if the road was opened, the people would not let 
 
32 
 
 CHINESE GORDON. 
 
 me go unless I gave them some government or took 
 them with me, which I cannot do. 
 
 Answer to the Mahdi : 4£ If you are the true 
 Mahdi, dry up the Nile, and come and take me.” 
 
 Khartoum , July 30, 1884. — Be assured that these 
 hostilities are far from being sought for, but we 
 have no option. Retreat is impossible, unless we 
 abandon the employes and their families, which the 
 general feeling of the troops is against. 
 
 Dec. 14, 1884. To a friend in Cairo. — Fare- 
 well ! You will never hear from me again. 1 fear 
 that there will be treachery in the garrison, and all 
 will be over by Christmas. 
 
 “¥e learn, on unquestionable authority, that 
 General Gordon told a Devonshire friend before 
 leaving for the Soudan that he had all his life been 
 affected by presentiment, and that never, even in 
 the worst times in China, had he the least expecta- 
 tion of being killed ; but on this occasion he had a 
 distinct presentiment that he would never return 
 from Khartoum ; and he actually distributed a few 
 trinkets as memorials. 5 ’ — Manchester Evening Mail.