m BX 7749 .F39 C47 1853 Digitized by tine Internet Arcliive in 2015 littps://arcliive.org/details/cliristianstestimOOunse OE, MEMOIRS OF THE LAST HOURS OF CAROLKE MURRAY FERRIS. NEW-YORK : JOHN" F. TROW, PRIXTER, 49 AX>^ STREET. 1853. •• The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul : the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple." Psalm 19:7. One of the most convincing evidences of the reality of the Christian's hope may be found at the bed of death ; when the unseen world, by its near approach, appeai-s indeed reality ; when the scales are removed from the eyes, and the Lord Jesus, by His presence, not only sustains the departing one, but so fills the heart that all things else are swallowed up in the ocean of His love ; and sur\-ivors, privileged to be present, are sustained and animated to their own astonishment. The records of such scenes are the property of the church, and the propriety of withholding them is questionable. Such was the case at the decease of Carolin'e Murray Ferris, who departed this life on the 30th of Tenth month, 1852, aged 39 years. She was the wife of Lindley Murray Ferris, and oldest daughter of Robert L and Elizabeth Golden Murray. Her residence was at Coldenham, Orange County, in '^^^{j^j^^^^ 4 CAPcOLINE MURRAY FERRIS. Her disposition was diflSdent and retiring, and only those intimately acquainted with her could ap- preciate her character. She possessed a strong and comprehensive mind, which was expanded by more than ordinary culture ; and was remarkably sympa- thizing and disinterested. A tale of distress, or the knowledge of any one in particular trouble, would deeply affect her sensitive feelings, and nerve the effort at relief A delicate constitution subjected her to many sea- sons of illness, and for several years her friends observed, with painful interest, the inroads of disease upon her frame. In First month, 1851, she ex- perienced an attack which rendered her for a while very prostrate. She, however, partially recovered, and became able to ride out ; but continuing very feeble, it was thought best to try the effect of a sea voyage, and a temporary residence in the Isle of Wight. Ac- cordingly, her husband accompanied her, and a short time was passed in that salubrious climate. They re- turned in the autumn to her father's residence in the city of New- York ; she being somewhat strengthened, but still the prey of disease. In the spring she returned to her own home, and appeared to be gaining ; but an occasional cold would cause her to relapse, and, when she recovered, it would not be to the point of former improvement. The marks of rapid dechne were soon apparent. CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. 5 About a month before her decease, a fresh cold confined her to the room. At first she was able to sit up a little, but soon became too much prostrated by this exertion, and could only afterward be re- moved to another bed. She bore all that was laid upon her without a repining word, or even the mani- festation of a wish to query, why is it thus ? And althouo-h silent at that time as to her feelino^s, those around her realized that grace alone could enable a wife and a mother calmly and without a murmur to look forward to the severing of such close and tender ties, as well as to bear with entire patience the sufi'er- ings of the body. To the remark of a friend and neighbor, "I trust you have the promise of your Heavenly Father ; " she replied, " It would be hard to do without that." Her strength was gradually failing, and inquiry was made respecting the state of her mind. She answered that it was peaceful ; that she had given up her children. The same Power which had assisted her thus far, afterward enabled her to resign her hus- band also. She had, at a previous time, expressed that this was a very difiicult attainment ; she feared she never should arrive at such a state. She was much deprived of the privilege of religious society ; and a strong desire was felt for the company of some experienced Christian, who might, perhaps, be strengthened to administer a word in season. That 1* 6 CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. heartfelt desire was known to the Master in His courts above ; and By His Holy Spirit, He impressed upon the heart of a valued friend a prospect of duty, which led her to the family about this time, where she re- mained with the dear invalid until her close, and became her companion, tender sympathizer, and nurse. Speaking of her, Caroline remarked, " I can scarce- ly believe the goodness of the Lord in sending her to me. How wonderful are His dealings towards me. He leadeth me very gently by the still waters." The peace which surrounded her bed was striking, and those around her were sensible of the overshad- owing of Divine love in an especial degree. The power and goodness, also, of our Heavenly Father were manifest, enabling her, by the renewings of his grace, to show forth its suflSciency to keep her calm, quiet and resigned, under the most trying dispensa- tions ; — with meekness to surrender husband, and children, and parents, and ties which childhood had wrought, to Him who she knew was able to keep them and j^i'epare them to meet her in His blissful presence ; with joy to lay all her crowns at the feet of Jesus ; with calmness to feel the dissolving of her frail tabernacle ; with composure to realize the closing up of hope in the gladness of fruition ; she being so filled at times with the love of Jesus, that she could not Avithhold from ejaculating, — "I am so happy, that I desire to adore and praise CAROLINE JrURRAY FERRIS. 7 my Father in Heaven for his manifest care and good- ness towards such a poor unworthy creature as I am ; I hardly dare beheve it possible for me to feel so much."' "In this happy state," says H., the friend who was now her kind attendant, " I left her, with her husband, and retired to rest. In the morning I in- quired whether she had slept well. She replied," — " I was so happy that I did not wish to sleep ; my bed felt like down, and the air was sweet with the presence of my Saviour. I did not talk with Lindley, for I could not bear to have my attention withdrawn from Him. I felt very much for my dear husband and children. I hope they will be able to give me up and seek Jesus, who will more than make up for my loss ; for He is all that is desirable to those who find Him." At one time, her husband comino^ in and takinoj a seat beside her, she addressed him in substance as follows : " I have been enabled to give thee up, and I want thee to try and give me up too. Our separation will not be long, for we shall soon be gathered home to that heavenly place where sorrow and parting will be no more. I want thee to seek the Saviour. He will be more to thee than I could be, were I to recover. He will make thy way easy through this life, by ena- bling thee to rejoice in being counted worthy to suffer 8 CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. for His sake. Try to be cheerful under the dispensa- tions meted out to thee by thy Heavenly Father. He designs all for thy good, and will sanctify them, if thou art rightly exercised, to the purifying of the soul, by which thou wilt be enabled to show forth those blessed fruits which characterize the true Christian, and to teach our dear children the fear of God, and patient waiting for Christ, that they too may be prepared to meet Him at His coming." After this, her spirit seemed to lose the sweet sa- vor of Divine communion, and she feared that the spirit of the world had taken possession again. But He, who never leaves His work unfinished, had en- abled her, by the increased light of His Holy Spirit, to take a more searching view of her own heart, and now she thought she had been too ready to beheve her salvation accompHshed. The anguish of her tribulated spirit was percepti- ble to those around. Being in great distress, she said, " I've been praying and crying, and begging for mercy with all my might and strength. I have been trusting in a false peace ; " subsequently adding, " I thought I was prepared to die, but I was only pre- pared for a preparation." After passing through this short, but severe con- flict, she w^as so filled with the love of Jesus that she broke forth in a strain of the most touching language of which human lips are capable, excepting when CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. 9 under the same qualif\'ing influence. It was one of thanksgiving and praise to her Heavenly Father for His own sake, who, through the Eternal Spirit, had revealed Himself in her by Jesus Christ; for His manifest care and goodness towards her ; and added expressions of gratitude to H. ; concluding, " I can- not express the love I feel for thee. May the Lord bless and keep thee in all thy ways, and greatly mul- tiply thy blessings, and never suffer thee to lack any good thing. Remember my dear husband and chil- dren. I hope I shall be permitted to see Murray (her eldest son, who was at Haverford school), for I should like to have my dear husband and children all to- gether." At another time she said to a sister-in-law, to whom she was much attached, — " A., come and sit near me. I want to tell thee how happy I am." Her sister rephed that she felt glad to see her so peaceful ; and that this certainly was the greatest of all earthly attainments, but very diflicult to acquire. She quickly remarked, "iSToth- ing is more simple. It is because we do not go the right way to work. We are trusting to our own good acts and righteousness, when they are all filthy rags. We must go to the feet of Jesus, and learn of Him. I have tried all ways, and know that nothing will do but this. Heretofore, in my many illnesses, I have thought I felt resigned to go, whenever my 10 CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. Heavenly Master should call me ; but there was always an {/*, or a hut — if it were not for Lindley, if it were not for my little ones. Xow, there are no ifs nor huts in the case. I have resigned them all to One who will never forsake them, and am quite ready ; casting all my care, and my whole heing upon Him." To the remark by A., that we still hoped she might rally again, and be spared to us for a season longer, she replied, " I think it not improbable ; I have often had more suftering. But at all events, the work is done, and I shall be only waiting." The Divine presence was felt to overshadow in such a remarkable manner, that the wish to have M. at home appeared to be all that was ungratified. This favor was granted. He arrived while his mother had strength to speak to him ; and was directed to her room, where were his father and the other children. She entreated him not to be too much distressed. " The time for pailing must have come soon under any circumstances. All is well. I hope thy seeing me so happy will give thee a more exalted opinion of the religion of Jesus. It has done all for me. I re- joice in lying here, and feeling that every thing is so sweet and pleasant, that words have not power to de- scribe what I enjoy." At intervals, she made the following impressive remarks : " It is given me to reahze that passage in David, ' Though I walk through the valley of the CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. 11 shadow of death, I will fear no evil ; iov thou, Lord, art ^vith me ; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.' " Then, addressing M., she added : " Xow, thou canst understand the meaning of this text, ' Thy rod and thy staffs they comfort me,' when thou seest that I am happier on my sick bed, bearing my sufferings for my Saviour's sake, than I should be, if they were all removed. This is being comforted by the rod." Referring to a season of great oppression she had ex- perienced in the morning, she said : " I felt the rod comforting me then. Xow I lie here so happy, and feel the decapng of this poor body, the suffering and death of which is the rod for sin appointed for us all, I can say I feel it good to suffer, while I am enabled to realize also the comfort of His staff, which is the Holy Spirit, that is able to make us rejoice and praise Him for every pain. I have suffered so little that I crave more. I do not fear death. I want to have a part in my Saviour's baptism before I die." Then, addressing all the children : *• I want you all to remember what I say to you. Be good chil- dren ; love one another ; be kind ; never disagree. I want you to remember this when I am gone, and 50 live that we may be a united family in heaven. Reynemher, a united family in heaven. Seek the Saviour, and walk with Him, and it will not be long before we shall all meet to part no more. I want you to remain with ' Fiiends,' and embrace their princi- 12 CAROLINE MUP.RAY FERRIS. pies. They will teach you to be quiet, and learn in silence the doctrine of Jesus, which is the power of God unto salvation. Wait for it, and prefer it above every thing else. Go to meeting as often as you pos- sibly can, for it is better than to be spending your time in any other way. Be kind to every body, that is right." After this interview, she inquired for one who had at times, since her childhood, been employed upon the premises, and had occasionally fallen into intem- perate habits. "When he came, she earnestly pleaded with him, stating that when he had pledged to re- form, she had prayed that he might hold out ; encour- aging him, as his attempts had been fruitless, to try once more, and she prayed God to help him. She then expressed to him the happiness she felt, and stated that she would not exchange her situation for any other, if she could ; that she was ready to go at any moment ; and was so filled Avith the love of Je- sus, that she already tasted of the joys of heaven. All this, she added, was for him, if he would only try, and she thought this might encourage him to try harder than he had ever done before. She then warned him, as he prized the salvation of his poor soul, to flee to the Saviour, and pray for mercy and help ; adding, that awful would be the consequences if he should continue to reject His love and mercy, by giving way to drink, as he had done heretofore, and that it was CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. 13 with her dymg breath she warned him, in hopes it might have some effect, for she wanted to meet him in heaven. She then bade him f^irewell, and re- marked, "My work is nearly finished." At different times she expressed herself in the fol- lowing manner : " A few more conflicts, but they are happy ones." "I do not ask for a termination of my suffering, though I am ready, and would gladly go this night, if it were my Father's will, but I desire to bear all that is His will concerning me." " Come, Lord J esus, come quickly, if consistent with Thy will ; yet not my will, but Thine be done." " Sweet Jesus, Thy presence is even now with me." And quoted the following text as applicable to herself : " Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first resurrection ; on such the second death hath no power." Again : " How great the peace that encircles my mind I I am so filled with the love of my Sa\iour, that I desire to sufier for and with Him, before I go. I want His cup and baptism, that I may have a part in the fellowship of His sufferings." After lying still a while she added, " I shall be able to partake of it, and after my sufferings I shall be taken." Her physician coming in, she addressed him, with much earnestness, respecting her treatment, warning him not to give intoxicating hquor to stupefy and be- numb the mind when trying to prepare for a coming eternity. 2 14 CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. Having taken leave of him, she remained -quiet a little, but soon resumed the train of her former thoughts and feehngs, saying, " The time of my suf- ferings has come. A heavy black cloud is drawing over me. What does it mean ? " Being told that it seemed figurative of the darkness that accompanied the sufferings and death of our Saviour, she added, " When I pass through this, I shall go." After this, she suffered what appeared to be a spas- modic affection, which she called " the buffe tings of Satan," and said they were very hard to bear, as she was trying to keep " the word of patience firm to the end." " Satan has no power over my mind," she con- tinued, after a while, " for I am AvilHng to suffer all the will of my Heavenly Father for His sake who has done so much for me. His ordeals, through which I am passing, are comparable to Hquid fire, and I feel that I am almost consumed. Oh, what a poor unworthy creature ! I am not deserving of His notice in the least." Resting a little, she added, " I do not shrink from suffering. I am not the least shaken in mind. I have no fear, but it is much greater than I expected. I w^ill try to keep as still as possible." Then, after a while, "I feel peaceful," and again, "I see Jesus." Then, turning in bed, she continued : " So many in the room ojDpress me ;" and at her request all left her, excepting two, w^ho intended remaining for the CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. 15 night. She said but little for some time. Her suf- ferings appeared very gi-eat. She asked for a text to support and stay her mind. The request having been complied Avith, she said, " It strengthens me." Soon after she fell into a state of rest. Covering her face with her handkerchief, she said, " Let us be quiet. I think it is almost over." Then, "I want to die," and, throwing herself back into the arms of H., she expired without speaking again. Thus passed away her purified spirit on the 30th of Tenth month, 1852 ; and has, without doubt, jomed the innumerable throng surrounding the throne, ascribing praises unto the Lord God and to the Lamb for ever. It may not be inappropriate to this memorial to add the following beautiful and descriptive hues, ad- dressed to the eldest son of the deceased, and sent to him after his return to Haverford, accompanying a lock of his mother's hair. My mother ! Oh ! and is this all, All that is left of thee— The fond heart hashed — the sweet lips closed, And she we loved s ) tenderly, Our own, — our blest, — our sainted one ; Alas! Great God! and is she gone ? Yet list again ; again I hear That hallowed voice, that hallowed prayer, Forbidding us to grieve or pine, Beseeching us to bow resigned — CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. And meekly drink the bitter cup Her spirit drained — then yielded up — And gently pointing to the Way, The Life, the Truth, where none may stray, Will they but go to Jesus' feet. And lowly at the Mercy Seat Be taught of Him, as she was taught, Calmly to bear, yet murmur not ; Resign us all — earth's holiest ties — Her treasured ones, with streaming eyes, The chosen of her early love. Whose breaking heart, bereft and torn, Must yet live on, to weep and mourn, To know and feel the chastening rod That seals his covenant with God. Blest mother! from thy throne so high Couldst thou look down with mortal eye, And see the anguish of our home, That thou hast left so sad and lone ; — Where every thing still speaks of thee, And every flower, and leaf, and tree, Thy requiem breathes so tenderly ; — No cheerful smile to greet us there, The fireside group, — the vacant chair, — Our father f * * * Oh ! thou couldst not chide, For "Jesus wept" when Lazarus died. But thou wouldst pity, aye, and plead So fervently with thy loved God, That He would send His Comforter To help us here fulfil His law. And teach our bleeding hearts to soar CAROLINE MURRAY FERRIS. IV Above the fleeting things of time, That when life's troubled sea is o'er, We'd meet thee on that happy shore. Where grief and parting are no more- Yes, mother! dearest mother, yes. There is such comfort, joy in this, — When we can chase earth's thoughts away And bow submissively, and say, *' Tliy will, Great God, be done;" And hear again that angel voice. That bade us in the cross rejoice, — Those holy consecrated words, That bore thy parting breath away, Proclaiming Hun thy "staff and rod," Beseeching us to watch and pray. That soon united we should be A happy, holy family, In heaven above. And Oh, this joy ! "Remember this, my darling hoy ! " 2' SHOET ACCOUNT OF THE Biclntn\6 11 It (I flea OF GERTRUDE COLDES HUSSEY. *' Tlie path of the just is as the shining light, that sliineth more and more unto the perfect dav," Prov. 4: 18. It is not witli a wish to extol the character or relig- ious attainments of the deceased, that the following memoranda of the last few weeks of her life have been taken; but to endeavor to perpetuate the remem- brance of the love of God towards her, and thereby to magnity that Power whose redeeming love cleanses, purifies and prepares for His spotless kingdom, all who in living faith cast their burdens upon Him. Gertrude C. Hussey was the third daughter of Robert I. and Elizabeth Golden Murray, of New- York. She was married to George F. Hussey, of Xew-Bedford, in the 23d year of her age; and at the period of her death resided at West Farms, in Westchester county, State of New- York. Having been out of health for some time, she left home, accompanied by her husband, Second month 6th, 1848, for the benefit of a sea voyage, and a tem- porary residence in a southern climate. After visiting Charleston, some other parts of South Carohna, and Savanuah, they proceeded to Havana ; and having remained a few weeks on the Island of 22 GERTRUDE GOLDEN HUSSEY. Cuba, they sailed for New-Orleans, and returned home through the Valley of the Mississippi, without any improvement in the health of the dear invalid. She was remarkably patient and uncomplaining amidst all the privations and inconveniences peculiar to travel in a Spanish country, as well as other portions of their route. During their long journey, it was a source of much comfort to her frequently to hear the Scriptures read. She also expressed the great satisfaction it was to her to be able to attend a Friends' meeting in Cincinnati, and once more to mingle with members of the relig- ious Society to which she belonged, and the principles of which she dearly loved. Soon after her return home, she was looking for- ward with much pleasure towards a visit to Colden- ham, and appeared almost to feel that she should there be invigorated with new life. This was her na- tive place. Much of her childhood had been passed there, and a tenderly attached sister resided in the old homestead. The remark was ventured, " Do not be too sanguine." Alluding to this in the evening, she said : " Thou checked me when I was anticipating so much from my visit to Coldenham ; but it was merely a childish joy, expected from visiting the scenes of our early attachments, and being with those we love." " Didst thou think I was not aware of my situation ? I do not expect any permanent improvement from it. T know that I am very much out of health, and unless GERTRUDE GOLDEN HUSSEY. 23 there is some change soon for the better, there will be in some other way, and I think sometimes it may be nearer than I am aware of." " I have tried to be re- signed, and have never allowed myself at night to wish that I may be better in the morning, or in the morning that I may be better at night." "The thought of leaving George alone in the world is a trial. My children loill he cared for. I know who has promised to be a ' Father to the fatherless.' " Upon being asked how she felt as regarded herself in view of the prospect, she answered, " Comfortable ;" and that in looking towards it, these words had been presented to her mind, "Jesus will be with thee." " I feel my Saviour near me, and that my sins are forgiven ; yet there is a great work to be done still, and I do not see the way open before me ; but I be- lieve my Saviour will not take me out of the world until a mansion is prepared for me. My first thoughts, in the night, on waking, are of my Saviour, and it now seems easy to ' pray without ceasing.' I never could understand it before. I fear sometimes that I am not on a sure foundation, but I do love my Saviour. / can say that^ "My affections have been more turned away from the world since the death of my httle R. That seemed like my first trial. Those of my childhood were forgotten. I felt at that time, ' Can I give him up ? ' ' Can I part with him with resignation 'i ' and I prayed for help." And 24 GERTRUDE COLDEX HUSSEY. those of US know that it was granted, who witnessed the cahn and beautiful resignation with which she bore the separation from that lovely child. She then remarked, that the first passage of Scripture which met her eye after this, was, "Thy God has command- ed thy strength." The following extract is from a note, addressed to one of the family, about a year after the decease of her little boy ; and in which she says, on that day " I resolved the principal aim of my life should be the one thing needful." " As Christmas-day approaches, it makes me feel more sensibly the uncertainty of all things here, that before another year sets in my little Golden may leav-,' me also. I have therefore intended for some time past to spend the 26th, that day on which mv affections were so severely rent, in quiet at home." "Now, my dear , thou needst not think I am repining at this blow ; I would not call my child back again ; I only w^ish to profit by it in such a way that I shall not need another — for I know and feel that was done in mercy ; and it is in order to keep these present feehngs alive, that I shall endeavor, I hope as long as I hve, to remember the 26th of the 12th month." After spending about two weeks at Coldenham, she returned home, without having derived the anticipat- ed benefit. She appeared quite sensible that she GERTRUDE COLDEN HUSSEY. 25 was leaving the place of her nativity for the last time; but manifested no feehngs of anxiety. The sweet, calm and resigned frame of her spirit, seemed emphatically to breathe the language, " What pleases God, please3"^ie."" On passing through the city, and leaving the parental roof for her own home, no doubt with a consciousness of the strong probability that she should never re-enter it, the serenity of her mind was not disturbed. Her eldest child, a boy between four and five years of age, had been afflicted with epilepsy for more than a year. The attacks continued to be truly distress- ing, and to require both mental and bodily strength to encounter ; yet some months since, when uneasi- ness was expressed to her, that C. should sleep in her room, as he had a faithful nurse to watch him, she replied, " Perhaps I view these attacks of C.'s in a different lio-ht from othei-s. I reQ:ard them as inflicted by our Heavenly Father for our refinement," — mean- ino- her husband and hei"self, — " therefore I think it would not be riglit for me to transfer a burden to another, that was particularly designed for ourselves.** It appeai-s evident that she did not feel at Hberty to ask that this affiiotive chastisement might be removed, but only that she might be endued with strength and resignation to bear all that her Heavenly Parent saw best to inflict. Several times after reaching home, she expressed 3 126 GERTRUDE GOLDEN HUSSEY. the great favor she felt it to be, that strength had been granted her to perform their journey South, and then to make a farewell visit at Coldenham, having for some time evidently been convinced that she should not recover, and looking towards that better city, whose walls are called salvation, and whose gates praise." From this time she declined rapidly. A bihous attack, added to her other complaints, soon reduced her to a state of great weakness and exhaustion. 8th Mo. 24th. When those present had withdrawn, excepting one member of the family, she threw her arras around her neck, and gave vent to a flood of tears, saying, with deep and intense feehng, " I want resignation. I have not felt fully willing to be re- moved at this time ; I have thought this attack might pass off. This is what troubles me." It was re- marked in reply, that it had been instruciive to ob- serve 'lier quiet, patient state of mind ; that, under her circumstances, with so much to attach her to life, entire resignation was a great attainment ; and that even our blessed Lord, at the last extremity, prayed, " If it be possible, let this cup pass from me ;" and that if her prayers were put up to her God. without doubt they would be heard and regarded. She ex- claimed, " Oh, I am not worthy to pray I " and spoke of feehng great desertion. She was informed that poverty of spirit was no evidence that she was for- GERTRUDE COLDEN HUSSEY. 27 saken, or that lier Heavenly Father had withdrawn His presence from her ; and that an assurance had been felt that the " Eternal God was her refuge, and underneath were the Everlasting Arms." With a composed, sweet expression of countenance, she re- pHed, " Oh, , thou hast comforted me ! " She was then reminded how she had been supported when her little son was taken from her. She said, "I prayed for resignation, and obtained it. Since that time my attachment to earth has been very much lessened." She then tried to recollect a few- lines of poetry, the purport of which was, a lamb was taken from the fold and translated to a higher sphere, in order to allure the parents there. Much deeply in- teresting conversation took place at this time ; and at the conclusion she said, with much feeling, " When thou findst access to the throne of grace, pi-ay for me.*' 2oth. In the course of the night, several portions of Scripture Avere read to her. She seemed peaceful and composed, and made several remarks which evinced that she was laboring to keep her mind stayed on the only sure refuge for the weary soul. 29th. Sending for one of the family into the room, she said, with emotion, that whenever she awoke in the night, she felt her heart overflow with gratitude to her Heavenly Father for His many mercies ; that she loved to he awake, and think of His goodness ; 28 GERTRUDE GOLDEN HUSSEY. but, she added, weeping, " I cannot describe my feel- ings ;" and appeared to want an assurance of Divine regard. She inquired whether it was wrong to ask for an evidence that our prayers were heard. A be- Hef was expressed that it was not, and a hope that she would not be discouraged if she waited long for an answer. She was reminded of the prophet Elijah, who pi'ayed seven times for rain, before his prayer was granted ; with which she seemed comforted, and remarked, that she had been laboring for resignation ; that she had felt at times rather acute pain, and had thought, if it might be the means of her jxirificatiou, she would be willing to suffer ; that sometimes com- pany diverted her mind from the only source of con- solation ; she wanted quiet. 30th. Throuo;h the nio-ht her couo-h was distress- ing, and expectoration diflScult. Sne seemed affected at observing her feet and ankles swollen, and inquired if it were not the last symptom. On being told it in- dicated great weakness, but that dissolution did not, necessarily, immediately follow, she exclaimed, " Oh, if I should be snatched away before I am entirely ready, how awful it would be !" A belief was ex- pressed that time would be given her for full prepa- ration. She then remarked, that she wanted more retirement, and approved of the suggestion of being removed into another room. During the day she was quiet and composed, and requested that her love GERTRL'DE COLDEN HUSSEY. 29 should be given to all her young friends and elderly ones also, adding, " My heart overflows with love to the whole human family." She spoke feelingly and consolingly to her father on his evincing much emo- tion at the prospect of parting with her, endeavored to reconcile hira to the separation, and observed that she had no merit of her own. Some time after, she expressed a fear that she was not wholly resigned, from feeling a degree of satisfiiction when her symp- toms were allayed. 31st. Before composing herself for the night, she remarked, "My Saviour's arms have been round about me. I have felt His presence." A little after, Can it be a delusion ? " A belief was expressed that she had been sustained by the Almighty, and that He would continue with her until the end.- 9th Mo. 1st. She was much prostrated. To one of the family who had been absent several days, she said, " Thou findst me much changed." " I am perfectly happy." " My Everlasting Father supports me." The reply was made, " And He will continue to do so." She added, " If my faith holds out. If I can only remain wdiere I am without slipping. I fear I have not suffered enough yet." Being told that Jesus had suffered, and we receive the peace, she replied, It is only on the merits of Jesus I rely." In the evening she was very serene, and her mind enjoying that rest which alone belongs to the re- 3* 30 GERTRUDE GOLDEN HUSSEY. deemed of tlie Lord. She said it seemed as if the arms of her Heavenly Father were continually around her, and asked to have some of our Saviour's sayings repeated to her. A little after : "I sometimes dread the last conflict, and have prayed that I might have an easy passage." She remarked, with much calm- ness, it was hardly likely all her family would be around her when she expired, her brothers being in the city ; and on the passage being quoted, " Thei'e is one that sticketh closer than a brother," she assent- ed, and added, " It is of little consequence." In the course of the day, speaking of her extreme weakness, and the probability of her not holding out much longer, she said, " It almost seems like presumption to think I am so near." In the course of a conversation with her, she re- marked that she had long been in the practice of re- tiring to read the Scriptures, particularly the New Testament, but since she had been sick, she had re- gretted she was not more familiar with the Prophets. She had thought she could not understand them, but now passages had been so clearly and instructively opened to her comprehension, that she felt as though she had sustained a loss by not being more familiar with them. 9th Mo. 2d. She expressed that she felt nothing in her way — all was clear. "My Saviour's arms are round about me. When I go to sleep and when I GERTRUDE COLDEX HUSSEY. 31 awake, He sustains me. Yet I feel it necessary to keep on the watch-to^ver. " On being told that the power and sweetness of redeeming love had been felt in an especial manner, she replied, " I have been re- posing in the love of Jesus." At another time, " What should I do without a Saviour ? " A little previously to this, " It has been a deep and hard struggle to give you all up, but I would not exchange places with any of you. I can freely commit you all into the hands of a kind care-taking Providence, and trust to meet you all within the pearly gates," In a conversation with her husband, she said to him, " My dear husband, pray for me. This trial will be sanctified to thee." " Strive to keep thy eye single to the dear Redeemer." " The Saviour^s arms are around me, supporting me." 3d. In the coui^e of the day she expressed a fear that, as her Christian race had been so short, she should not find acceptance, and felt humbled under a sense of her unworthiness and insignificance. She was reminded that "two sparrows were sold for a farthing, and not one of them was forgotten before God." She replied, "I have been thinking of that much to-day." " I could talk to thee a great while on these subjects, they are so sweet to me." 4th. Increased bodily snfl'ering, but through ali patient and resigned. She had much to say to one of her brothers, although her voice was so weak she 32 GERTRUDE COLDEX HUSSEY. could scarcely be heard. She was' cautioned ahout exertino- her little streno-th so much. "I have not long to speak; I must while I can." Her heart seemed to ovei-flow with affection towards all. She spoke of the sense she had of the Lord's presence, adding, " I feel sweet peace, such love towards all. Can it be a delusion ? " She was informed that it was thought we needed no further evidence than we were receiving, that she was sustained by the arms of her Saviour. 5th. She remarked to one of the family, with whom she had much interesting conversation, " I felt restless in the night, and could not sleep ; sat up in a chair, but felt condemned for not being willing to suffer all that was appointed me ; lay down again, and prayed for patience, and felt comforted." " And I prayed for thee, dear , that thou might partake of all the consolation thou hast administered to me." She spoke of having left her two little boys, relying with confidence on the promises of Jesus ; and alluded to the domestics, wishing to have some little tokens- given to them. She asked, with calmness, whether tliere were any indications of death in her counte- nance, and w^as answered in the negative ; spoke of the severe trial it had been to give up her dear hus- band and children, and of the fear she felt of having the latter in her room, lest they should lure her back to earth ; remarked how pleasant it was to hear their GERTRUDE COLDEX HUSSEY. 3S innocent prattle under her window, but that she did not ask to see them, excepting mornings and even- ings. She was told that she must not look back, but forward at the joys in store for her. She replied she endeavored to do so ; that she dared not look back^ and asked to have a portion of Scripture read to her. After the reading, she appeared very quiet and easy> and obseiTed, that although the enemy at times as- sailed her with doubts and fears, intimating that the peaceful state of mind she was, at times, ftwored with, was a delusion, yet that this conflict did not continue loug, and that she was mercifully enabled to rest on the bosom of her Saviour, and cast all her cares upon Him, committing herself and her all to Him. 6th. The dear sufferer experienced some conflicts-, durinor the nio-ht. In the morninor she remarked, " I feel such a weight. I want to pray and cannot. There seems a load." "I cannot derive the same>- consolation from the promises that I have done." She was told it was no uncommon thing for poor weak mortals to be assailed with doubts and fears ; that perhaps there was something which required the re- finer's fire, or puiifying, and that if her present suffer- ings were to fit her for a crown incorruptible, they were worth enduring. She replied that she was not worthy to suffer, that she had faith to believe she should at last be admitted, but that her mind was distressed, and the cause was hidden from her. She- 34 GERTRUDE COLDEN HUSSEY. then wished to be left a little while alone, and shortly- after said she felt more comfortable. lih. Extremely feeble, but her mind quietly trust- ing. 8th. Gave suitable advice to a little nephew, who had come to see her for the last time, and urged his reading the Scriptures daily when by himself. Por- tions of the sacred volume were read to her several times during the day. Indeed, the Bible was her re- sort very frequently, and many times, both night and day, she wished to hear it. She inquired if it was not thought her father was becoming more reconciled to parting with her. Shortly after, she remarked, " I am sweetly reposing in the arms of ray Heavenly Father." This appeared to be remarkably the case. The sweetness of her spirit bore evidence that she was indeed with Jesus. 9th. To her father she said, " Perfectly resigned." A httle after, "I cannot speak much." "If I do not answer you when you speak to me, it will be because I am too weak." " I feel very happy." " Give my love to every one, as though named." 10th. Much revived, which we cannot but regard as an answer to prayer ; as she had supplicated the preceding day, that she might be favored with strength to liave some further conversation with her husband, and to make additional arrangements re- specting her children. This she was enabled to ac- GEPcTRl'DE COLDEN HUSSEY. 35 complish, and had several interviews with her endeared husband and other members of the family. 11th. Again much reduced, and able to converse but little ; yet her mind appeared very peaceful. 13th. She remarked to one of the family, who was with her the latter part of the night, that she had had some conflicts; that she knew the trial proceeded from the enemy, and it did not last long. In the morning she was very low, but tranquil. Xothing appeared to disturb the peace and serenity which were e^'idently the covering of her spirit. At 12 o'clock she ap- peared more than usually prostrated, and her respira- tion increasingly labored. She was raised to a more upright position, which jxirtially relieved her. The sweetness of her countenance was very marked. The reading of a portion of Scripture was proposed. She assented, and the 21st chapter of Revelation was se- lected. She had frequently asked to hear this, and now, that she was about to be dissolved of mortality, and on the confines of the celestial city, the reading of it was accompanied with unusual solemnity. Soon after, she quietly remarked, " I think I am going." On the family assembling around her bed, she sweetly said, "A kiss from you all." '*! wish I could take you all with me." Finding she was not to be re- leased quite so soon as she had anticipated, she said. " Jesus is not ready for me yet." Shortly after, " Pa- tience ! " " Only the poor body." Then, at intervals. 36 GERTRUDE COLDEN HUSSEY "Beautiful City!" " Sweet Jesus I " H Glory;" "Come, Lord Jesus ! " and a few words whicli were not under- stood, when her purified spirit was released from its tabernacle of clay, and, we doubt not, admitted among the redeemed children of the Lamb, to magnify and adore His ever blessed nnuie. THE END,