tihtavy of t:he t:Keolo0ical ^eminarjp 
 
 PRINCETON . NEW JERSEY 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 
 Miss Norine A. Meagher 
 
 BV40I4- 
 .KBI 
 
K rl 
 
982 
 
 PASTORAL 
 
 REMINISCENCES 
 
 BY 
 
 SHEPARD K. KOLLOCK, 
 
 WITH AN 
 
 IJNTRODUCTION, 
 
 BY 
 
 A. ALEXANDER, 
 
 PROFESSOR IN THE THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY, AT PRINCETON, NEW JERSEY. 
 
 " I woald not escape from memory's land 
 For all that eye can view ; 
 For there's dearer dnst in memory's land 
 
 Than the ore of rich Peru ; 
 I clasp the fetter by memory twined. 
 The wanderer's heart and soul to bind." 
 
 Miss Holford. 
 
 NEW-YORK: 
 PUBLISHED BY M. W. DODD, 
 
 Corner of City Hall Square and Spruce Street. 
 1849. 
 
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by 
 
 M. W. DODD, 
 
 in the Clerk's Office of the District Court, for the Southern District of New York. 
 
 O. J3ENKIN8, PRINTSR AND ETEREOTTPEB, 
 
 No. 114 Nassau Street, N. T. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 Introduction ....... ^ 
 
 Preface . , . . . .11 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 The Devout Widow . . . . 15 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 The Scottish Seaman . . . . . .31 
 
 CHAPTER HI. 
 The Daughter of Dejection Comforted ... 68 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 The Injured Man Subdued . . . . .85 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 The Hardened Convict . . . . H*? 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 The Naval Apostate ...... 133 
 
 CHAPTER Vn. 
 An Old Disciple ...... l^*? 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 The Hungry Soul . . . . .173 
 
 CHAPTER IS. 
 The Wrong Step ... . 21'7 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 There is a striking analogy between the office of a 
 pastor and that of a physician. They both have respect 
 to the welfare of men ; and while the one seeks to heal 
 the diseases of the body, the other aims at restoring to 
 health the disordered souls of men. It belongs to each, 
 not only to cure, but to prevent diseases ; and to soothe 
 and comfort such patients as it may be found impossible 
 to cure. As the physician cannot safely follow his pro- 
 fession without an accurate knowledge of the human 
 frame, so the pastor ought to be well acquainted with 
 the constitution of the mind, and with all its faculties, 
 susceptibilities and passions. And as the body and 
 mind are intimately but mysteriously united, it apper- 
 tains to both these professions to be acquamted with the 
 effects of this union in their reciprocal influence on the 
 constituent parts of our nature ; therefore the knowledge 
 of physiology is important to both. I have often been 
 struck with admiration at the ardour and self-denial 
 manifested by the students of medicine, in acquiring the 
 requisite knowledge of the anatomy of the human body, 
 2 
 
VI INTRODUCTION. 
 
 and in making themselves acquainted with the pathology 
 of the most loathsome diseases. They learn to enter 
 cheerfully into the wards of hospitals, almshouses, and 
 asylums for the insane, that they may become acquainted 
 with the symptoms of all classes of disease to which the 
 human frame is liable; and they spare no pains in 
 making experiments, and ascertaining the efficacy of 
 particular remedies and modes of treatment. And I 
 have desired to witness something of the same diligence 
 and self-denial in candidates for the holy ministry, that 
 they might become better qualified to deal with the 
 moral diseases of those souls which are committed to 
 their care. Every pastor should study to become a 
 skilful casuist ; for if he is a faithful shepherd, he will 
 meet with a great number and variety of cases of con- 
 . science, which will call for both his tenderest compas- 
 sion and spiritual skill, in the treatment. Well authen- 
 ticated cases of particular diseases, and an account of 
 the method of treatment which has proved successful, 
 are justly held to be highly valuable, especially to the 
 young physician ; because, as yet, his own experience is 
 too small to guide him to a judicious practice ; and it is 
 always found unsafe to trust to mere theory. And I 
 am certain that young clergymen stand in as much need 
 of such helps as the young physician. I have often 
 pitied the condition of a young pastor, when he first 
 takes upon him the care of souls, and has devolved upon 
 
INTRODUCTION. VU 
 
 him the duty of a spiritual physician to a large number 
 of immortals ; whose everlasting welfare may depend 
 very much on the treatment which they receive from 
 their spiritual physician. It is, therefore, exceedingly 
 important that pastors should avail themselves of every 
 opportunity to maket hemselves acquainted with casuist- 
 ical theology ; and after conversation with experienced 
 Christians and exercised souls, on experimental religion, 
 there is no better means than a faithful report of cases 
 which have actually occurred in the experience of pious 
 and faithful pastors. On this account, I greatly ap- 
 prove the design of the Rev. S. K. Kollock, to publish 
 a volume of " Pastoral Reminiscences," or a de- 
 tailed account of certain interesting cases of experience 
 which occurred, and of which he was a witness, while a 
 pastor of a Chiistian church. Several of these I have 
 had the opportunity of seeing in manuscript ; and can- 
 not but think that their publication will be attended with 
 beneficial effects to many. With the case of the poor 
 widow, who died so triumphant a death, I was particu- 
 larly interested. 
 
 Her religion, in my judgment, was of the right kind ; 
 its chief characteristics were, strong faith, pure love, 
 deep humility, and entire resignation to the will of God. 
 Her pastor, at her bedside, was rather a learner than 
 a teacher ; and there is no place on earth where instruc- 
 tion can be more effectually obtained, than at the dying 
 
Vlll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 bed of such a saint. I was particularly struck with the 
 account which she gave to her pastor, in answer to his 
 inquiry, of the way by which she obtained and preserved 
 that strong assurance of the favour of God, which she 
 habitually enjoyed. It was not by poring over her past 
 experience, but by direct acts of faith on the Son of God, 
 and steady reliance on his all-sufficient righteousness. 
 
 I have also perused with much satisfaction, the nar- 
 rative of the conviction and conversion of the sea-cap- 
 tain ; and with the scriptural and judicious method of 
 the pastor in answering his objections, and opening up 
 to him the plan of God's mercy, and exhibiting clearly 
 before him the riches of Divine grace, and the absolute 
 freeness of the blessings of the everlasting gospel. This 
 narrative, I am of opinion, will be very serviceable to 
 young ministers, when called to direct anxious, inquiring 
 souls, in the way of salvation. And as the exercises of 
 this seaman were very similar to those of other convinced 
 sinners, the method pursued so successfully in dealing 
 with him, will be found well adapted to other cases. 
 
 As two of the narratives of this volume relate to sea- 
 men, it is to be hoped that it will circulate among this 
 class of people, and be useful to many, both as contain- 
 ing an awful warning from the example of the " Naval 
 Apostate ;" and great encouragement from that case 
 of conversion which was proved to be genuine by the 
 fruits of holiness which ensued. The theological senti- 
 
INTRODUCTION. IX 
 
 ments of the author appear to me to be uniformly sound 
 and evangelical ; and I am persuaded that there is noth- 
 ing in the volume -which will be found offensive to any 
 real Christian of any denomination ; and I shall be dis- 
 appointed if the book does not meet with a ready sale 
 and general approbation. 
 
 Mr. KoUock never manifests any ambition to sajjine 
 things ; but his style is always plain and perspicuous, 
 and at the same time, neat and correct. 
 
 Upon the whole, I consider this volume a real acces- 
 sion to our stock of religious reading ; and I do cordially 
 recommend it to the attention and careful perusal of all 
 into whose hands it may come ; and especially, to young 
 pastors, and candidates for the ministry. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 '* Of joys departed, never to return, 
 How bitter's the remembrance !" 
 
 Yet there is mingled with that bitterness a sweetness 
 which makes the cup palatable, and even creates a de- 
 sire to drink it. Who would forget the past 1 Who 
 would drive from his recollection departed friends, and 
 cease to hail them in his memory, connected as they are 
 with some of the dearest scenes that ever occurred? 
 We are so constituted as to need this power, and could 
 not be happy unless we added to the contemplation of 
 things present the fruitful sources of recollection. Mem- 
 ory, " with all its busy train," continually retraces de- 
 parted events, restores an ideal reality to things which 
 are gone, makes them live again in revived imagery, and 
 causes them to be seen and heard with renewed emotions. 
 — The Christian may experience much profit and delight 
 in calling back to his mmd the transactions in which he 
 once took a part ; in recollecting past conversations and 
 intercourse with beloved friends ; and while indulging a 
 confident hope that what Divine grace effected for others 
 
Xll PREFACE. 
 
 can be done for himself, may find memory a sanctified 
 instrument of spiritual improvement. 
 
 The following narratives, substantially authentic, are 
 partly the efiect of recollection, and- partly of notes taken 
 at the time of recurrence, when the impressions, new and 
 vivid, were committed to writing.— No truths have so 
 much power as those which we have acquired by experi- 
 ence; there is in them a mingling of sensation and emo- 
 tion with fact and reasoning, which seems to throw us 
 completely under the control of the lessons which are in- 
 culcated by our feelmgs as well as our understandings. 
 Hence may arise the superior influence of those instruc- 
 tions which are presented in the style of narratives ; they 
 introduce the reader into the midst of the events that are 
 related, make him a participator in the living scene, and 
 produce a stronger and more lasting impression on his 
 mind and memory than abstract rules, or mere lectures 
 upon morals. — When these narratives are circumstan- 
 tially true, portraying things and characters as they 
 really existed, they instruct by telling what may actually 
 be done, and what should be faithfully imitated. 
 
 Such is the nature of the following " Pastoral Reminis- 
 cences" — designed to inculcate lessons that are useful — 
 to teach what we are — what we may be — what we ought 
 to be — what we should do, suffer, and experience in the 
 Christian life. — In reviewing these records of memory, 
 I rejoice to find that so much is said of our adorable Re- 
 
PREFACE. xni 
 
 deemer, the fulness of his grace, and the plenteousness 
 of his redemption ; that all the duties and blessings of 
 religion are represented as centering in him ; that an ex- 
 perimental knowledge of his character, and strong faith 
 in his righteousness are exhibited as tending to the 
 suppression of all ungodliness, the practice of every vir- 
 tue, and the possession of the richest privileges. — I am 
 more and more convinced that for want of clear views on 
 this subject, and unshaken confidence in the Saviour, so 
 many are subject to the restraints of religion, and yet 
 have few, if any, of its enjoyments ; publicly profess the 
 name of Christ, and yet are so little useful to others. 
 It must glorify God and benefit men if any are effectual- 
 ly persuaded to " look unto Jesus," in every enjoyment, 
 every tribulation, every temptation, every defect and in- 
 firmity ; to view him continually as the only " way" to 
 holiness ; the only " door" to the abodesof bliss. — These 
 endeavours will be regarded as happily employed, if they 
 throw light upon any dim apprehension, establish any 
 wavering faith, or comfort any afficted conscience. 
 

 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 
 
 " Now, see the saint immortal : her I mean 
 Who lived as such ; whose heart, fall bent on heaven, 
 Leaned all that way, her bias to the stars. 
 Observe the awful portrait, and admire ; 
 Nor stop at wonder : imitate and live." 
 
 The promises of God to those who are deprived of earthly 
 protectors, are peculiarly tender, and are often repeat- 
 ed in the pages of inspiration. He sees their helpless 
 condition, and glorifies his name in saving them — per- 
 ceives that they are in a land where snares encompass 
 them, and " guides them by his eye," knows the selfish- 
 ness of men, and interposes as the friend of the friend- 
 less. There is no burden that oppresses their hearts, 
 no regret for the past, no anxious fear for the future, 
 which is not met by some soothing word of consolation. 
 Sometimes they find themselves sheltered from the 
 blasts of adversity ; but if they continue to " eat the 
 bread of affliction," and endure severe sorrows, they 
 see, by the eye of faith, that their Heavenly Father has 
 purposes of mercy in these chastisements ; they testify 
 how much sweetness can be enjoyed in the midst of 
 trouble, and hence the closeness of their walk with God 
 is connected with their sufferings. 
 
 The following narrative relates to one of these children 
 
16 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 of adversity who kissed the rod that smote her, and 
 grew in grace under every stroke. She was led by the 
 hand of the Lord ; and led, not in easy and pleasant 
 paths, but, for a while, through a rugged and thorny 
 wilderness, where her strength must have failed, had 
 not His mercy given her support. The faithfulness of 
 God in being to her " as the shadow of a great rock in a 
 weary land," affords encouragement for steadfast hope 
 and earnest prayer to those who are oppressed and heavy 
 laden ; while her cheerful obedience to his will presents 
 a clear evidence of the inseparable connexion between 
 faith and holiness, and of the simplicity of character 
 which a real love to Christ transfuses into the soul. 
 
 When in the year 18 — I took charge of the congre- 
 gation of N , and was for the first time visiting them, 
 
 accompanied by an elder, he said to me, after we had 
 called upon several others, " now we will go and see 
 
 Mrs. F . She is in an humble situation, but is 
 
 very much esteemed by the pious among us, and indeed 
 is regarded as one of our best members." We went to 
 the cottage which she occupied ; it was small and plain, 
 but everything wore the aspect of neatness and order ; it 
 seemed a fit residence for piety, peace, and contentment. 
 Its inmate I found to be a widow advanced in years, 
 with an aspect and address highly pleasing. I was at 
 once struck with her countenance, bearmg the marks of 
 intelligence united with seriousness, and of benevolence 
 mingled with devotion. After an introduction, she said 
 to me, " I am glad to see you as a pastor whom a kind 
 Providence has sent to us ; and we will endeavor to hold 
 up your hands by our prayers." We spent a little time 
 in general conversation with her — conversation cheerful 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 17 
 
 and pleasant, with -vYhich religion was easily intermin- 
 gled, and then terminated the interview with social 
 prayer. 
 
 On my return home, I was not a little affected by the 
 review of this visit, and wondered not that she was so 
 beloved by the pious ; that she was such a favorite with 
 the pastors who had preceded me ', and that, from fur- 
 ther inquiries which I made, there were so many testi- 
 monials of the peculiar excellencies of her Christian 
 character. I thought that she would be a blessing to me 
 in my ministry ; a comfort in my sorrows ; a stimulus 
 to activity in my labors — all which was realized by my 
 further acquaintance with her, and the subsequent events 
 that occurred. 
 
 I learned that she was born in a neighbouring county, 
 and of respectable family, and was early married to a 
 man who, at first industrious and moral, promised to be 
 a comfort to her. But like too many others, he at times* 
 tasted the intoxicating cup, and at last so habitually 
 indulged in it, that he became a confirmed inebriate. 
 For years she suffered from his neglect and cruelty, and 
 at length was left a widow, reduced to utter poverty. 
 These afflictions were the means which God seemed to 
 employ to bring her to himself. When his chastening 
 hand was laid on her ; . when that wliich she was wont to 
 esteem the spring of her highest happiness was made the 
 source of her severest anguish, she felt the need of more 
 than human power to sustain her; she went to the 
 Scriptures to learn consolation ; to a throne of grace to 
 receive mercy ; and by such means was gradually brought 
 to a saving knowledge of the Saviour. 
 
 How many, like her, begin their acquaintance with 
 
t 
 
 18 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 God and the Redeemer in the season of affliction ! how 
 often is it the furnace in which Christ forms the most 
 " excellent vessels of honor and praise !" It was not 
 until Manasseh was in affliction, that " he humbled him - 
 self greatly before the God of his fathers, and prayed to 
 him :" it was not until the Prodigal was in affliction 
 that he resolved to return unto his Father's house : 
 " Behold, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." 
 
 When thus left a widow indeed, she came to the 
 
 borough of N to endeavour to support herself by her 
 
 needle ; there she made a public profession of religion, 
 forming one of that little band that constituted an infant 
 church which was then organized. In that connexion, 
 she had remained until I saw her, viewing many changes, 
 passing through the ministry of several pastors, and 
 silently and obscurely, yet effectually, doing much to 
 promote their usefulness. 
 
 From the time of my first acquaintance until her re- 
 moval from the world, scarcely a week passed without 
 my visiting her ; an intercourse which I now recal with 
 pleasure as a high privilege, when my visits were made, 
 not so much to give as to receive instruction, not so much 
 to impart as to obtain comfort. 
 
 Such a privilege the pious and devout members of the 
 church also enjoyed. The gay and the worldly never 
 went to her cottage ; the mere professor of religion, who 
 had only " the form of godliness," knew her only as a 
 communicant whom they saw at the Lord's table ; but 
 the " spiritually minded," those who had " like precious 
 faith," and like her had " tasted that the Lord was gra- 
 cious," valued her conversation, prized her prayers, and 
 highly esteemed her Christian friendship. 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 19 
 
 It might seem that such attention from some who were 
 superiors to her in worldly prosperity and education, and 
 moved in a higher rank of life, would have inflated her 
 with self-sufficiency and pride. But nothing of that 
 kind was apparent in her conduct — on the contrary, if 
 any ever ventured to speak of her attainments in religion, 
 they always experienced a decided rebuke ; of her defi- 
 ciencies in fulfilling her duty she was deeply sensible ; 
 to her Divine Saviour she gave the whole glory of her 
 salvation. 
 
 She had a good understanding, which grace had im- 
 proved, and had read but few books besides her Bible, 
 but that she had studied with diligence and prayer. Es- 
 pecially was she taught by the Holy Spirit, and had so 
 much experience of the Christian life through a long suc- 
 cession of trials and affliictions, that she was well qualified 
 to instruct, comfort, and sustain. 
 
 Her piety was in a peculiar manner cheerful; making 
 her happy as well as holy. Happiness, we know, arises 
 not so much from possessions as from dispositions; not 
 so much from what a man has^ as from what he is. The 
 saint whose character we are contemplating had no "pos- 
 sessions" — nothing of what " the world calls good and 
 great ;" but she had emuaently a Christian disposition, 
 and that was the source of much solid and rational hap- 
 piness. By subduing all envy, discontent, and selfish- 
 ness, and assiduously ^cultivating the graces of the Spirit, 
 she found springs of pleasure opened in herself — she 
 learned that happiness was connected with a moral tem- 
 per, and not to be sought for so much by any thing with- 
 out. She allured others to piety by showing that its 
 path is the path of peace ; by taking pleasure in all that 
 
20 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 is innocently pleasant ; by enjoying whatever is purely 
 delightful ; by the habitual exercise of contentment with 
 her lot. She used to say, " we talk sometimes of the 
 greatest evils that may come on us, and enquire, what 
 are the severest that may befal us ; but I think that the 
 very greatest affliction that could be sent, is to be given 
 up to a murmuring spirit ; that will make one wretched 
 in the midst of the greatest abundance. It is a reason 
 why we should guard against a complaining and discon- 
 tented disposition ; why we should strive as much to be 
 cheerful as to be watchful and prayerful. God designs 
 us to be happy, and cannot approve of any thing but what 
 has a tendency to make us so." 
 
 Such being her uniform disposition and conduct, it is 
 to be expected that she had, in a high degree, trust and 
 confidence in God, She had found him in her severest 
 troubles her refuge and strength, and she was sure that 
 he would be so in time to come. She used to say, " God 
 never takes any thmg from his people, but he gives them 
 something better instead of it : he has kindly taken many 
 things from me, and has given me himself , infinitely bet- 
 ter than all worldly prosperity." The sense which she 
 had of God's covenant and perfections was such as led 
 her implicitly to trust in him for all that she wanted ; 
 she seemed, in the exercise of a firm faith, to give up all 
 her concerns into his hand ; to see him in every thing, to 
 find him in her heart, and to have no design in the world 
 but of living to his will, and no expectation of enjoyment 
 but in communion with him. 
 
 Her views of Jesus Christ were clear and distinct ; her 
 faith strong and appropriate ; her reliance upon him en- 
 tire and undivided. This was a frequent topic of her 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 21 
 
 conversation ; she often said that if Christians were to 
 think more of Christ, trust more to him, make more men- 
 tion of him in prayer, and study more diligently his 
 words, "JS'o man cometh unto the Father but by me,'' 
 they would make greater attainments in piety. To con- 
 sider him as dying i7i her stead; to regard his righteous- 
 ness as her righteousness, afforded her the highest delight. 
 Such views of the plan of salvation, such determination 
 to know nothing, to desire nothing, to depend on nothing 
 but " Jesus Christ and him crucified," gave her soul 
 peace, and animated her in the service of her Lord and 
 Master. 
 
 With such apprehension of the Saviour, it is not won- 
 derful that she enjoyed uniform assurance. I once ven- 
 tured to ask her experience on this subject, and enquired 
 whether she habitually enjoyed this privilege. She re- 
 plied to me at some length. " Some years ago, I suf- 
 fered much from doubts and fears. On one occasion, I 
 was for days under the most distressing darkness ; my 
 hope of salvation departed ; I was persuaded that I had 
 deceived myself; I had only an awful sense of my sins 
 and no views of God's mercy or Christ's grace ; I prayed 
 and wept, searched the Scripture, and meditated on its 
 contents, but all in vain ; in the day I was sorrowful, at 
 night I wet my couch with tears, and was ready to de- 
 spair, and to give up all expectation of ever being saved. 
 One morning, after a night of restlessness and anguish, 
 I went to the Scripture, and during the reading of the 
 fourteenth chapter of John, light broke into my mind, 
 and dissipated all my darkness ; my doubts vanished, 
 and under a lively apprehension of the character of 
 Christ, I had peace and joy in believing. You may sup- 
 
 ^> 
 
22 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 pose that that is to mo a precious part of the word of 
 God ; and I wish, my pastor, if you are called to preach 
 my funeral sermon, to take as your text the second and 
 third verses of that chapter : ' In my Father's house are 
 many mansions ; if it were not so, I would have told 
 you.' That memorable period I often look back upon 
 as the time when the Lord ^ brought me up out of an 
 horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon 
 a rock, and established my goings, and hath put a new 
 song in my mouth, even praise unto our God ;' and 
 ever since I have been freed from spiritual darkness and 
 perplexing fears. 'Tis true, I have had seasons of doubt 
 and uncertainty, temptations to which all God's people 
 are at times subject, but they have continued only for 
 a short time ; uniform assurance has for many years 
 been the experience of my soul, liable, I confess, to occa- 
 sional assaults both of outward temptations and inward 
 corruptions. But this assurance is derived from the ex- 
 ercise of strong faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, who has 
 fulfilled righteousness in my stead, and purchased for 
 my soul reconciliation and grace ; who is my treasure, 
 which I appropriate for my use, and by which I am en- 
 riched ; the balm of Gilead which I apply for the recov- 
 ery of my soul, and by which I am healed ; the living 
 waters to which I come to refresh my spirits and quench 
 my thirst for holiness and happiness ; the garment which 
 I put on, and wear to cover my destitution, and beautify 
 my deformity. When I look to myself, I can have no^ 
 assurance ; a view of my defective services, inward cor- 
 ruptions, and languid graces gives no confident hope ; it 
 is only when I look ofi" from myself to Christ, that I can 
 have any persuasion of God's present favour, or my own 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 28 
 
 final happiness. It was, I think, to drive me entirely 
 from myself that God permitted that horrible darkness 
 to which I have alluded ; to lead me for ever to renounce 
 all dependence upon my feelings, my knowledge, or my 
 duties. And it was by the Holy Spirit bringing Christ 
 and his righteousness nigh to me, in his precious promises, 
 that my darkness was removed. I can now say, Christ 
 has given himself as my covenant surety ; I take him at 
 his word, and therefore he and all his merits are mine ; 
 I appropriate him to myself as my high-priest, my pro- 
 phet, and my king. To do this constantly ; to be per- 
 suaded that he bought me with his blood ; that he is my 
 God, and will exert all his perfections for my good — this, 
 as far as my experience testifies, is the direct, the com- 
 pendious, the certain method of obtaining assurance : 
 any other must necessarily be feeble, and liable to be 
 unsettled by daily temptation, or destroyed by the rising 
 of indwelling sin." 
 
 After this interview, I left her comforted and bene- 
 fitted ; resolved to think more of Christ for my own en- 
 couragement, and to preach him more for the benefit of 
 others. How true it is that " the just," the righteous 
 in Christ Jesus, " live," thrive in comfort, and flourish 
 in holiness, not by reflecting on their own sanctification, 
 on viewing their own attainments, but " by faith ;" a 
 fresh, repeated, daily, never-ceasing exercise of faith 
 upon the Son of God. This is the most efiectual way of 
 feeding the lamp of piety, and quickening the flame of 
 holiness. 
 
 Love for the cause of Christy a desire to promote its 
 interests, and an anxious concern for the salvation of 
 others, were conspicuously exhibited in her whose char- 
 
24 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 acter we are considering. Those who often visited her 
 can testify how much she was interested in the prosperi- 
 ty of the church to which she belonged ; what stress she 
 laid upon Christian fellowship ; how she endeavoured to 
 promote it among the members ; how she aided her pas- 
 tor in his efforts to do good ; and how she daily employed 
 every means in her power for the salvation of others. I 
 may say, without exaggeration, that she was always do- 
 ing something to raise the piety of others, and to fan the 
 flame of their divine love ; that, lively and active in her 
 religion, she was insensibly a blessing to the little circle 
 in which she moved ; that by her prayers and conversa- 
 tion she kept up a spiritual atmosphere around her, and 
 made it genial and reviving. In her endeavours for the 
 conversion of her unrenewed friends, she was judicious, 
 and in many cases successful ; with some she could use 
 no other means but the silent influence of her holy exam- 
 ple ; others she could instruct, admonish, and warn ; but 
 always did it with discretion, choosing the best time, and 
 the best circumstances, employing the meekness of wis- 
 dom and the tenderness of love. Several, who under 
 my ministry joined the church, were indebted, under 
 God, to this " mother of Israel" for their first religious 
 impressions. Some of her immediate neighbours enjoyed, 
 in a high degree, the influence of her example and her 
 prayers. They had been most kind in " ministering to 
 her in carnal things ;" and she, with overflowing grati^ 
 tude, abundantly " ministered to them in spiritual 
 things ;" and so lovingly and prayerfully insinuated re- 
 ligion mto their minds, that they were scarcely aware of 
 it. They survived her for some years to show by their 
 piety the influence which such intercourse had pro- 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 25 
 
 duced, and dying in faith, rejoined her in the mansions 
 of peace. 
 
 A devotional spirit was possessed, in an eminent de- 
 gree, by our pious friend. Considering what firm belief 
 she had in the providence of God, what a deep sense of 
 her entire dependence on him, what a strong conviction 
 that all her " springs were in him," it was to be expect- 
 ed that she would often say with David, " On thee do I 
 wait all the day." Considering what spiritual minded- 
 ness was observed in her, what a strong and constant 
 bias she had towards Divine things, it was to be expected 
 that she would be often with God, glancing towards him 
 in a way of devotion, bespeaking his presence, calling 
 for his help, begging the pity of his eye, imploring the 
 relief of his hand, and petitioning for the pardon of her 
 sins, and grace to sanctify and govern her heart. With 
 those exalted views which she had of Christ, of" which I 
 have already spoken, it is not strange that she should 
 have had a holy freedom and " boldness of access" to 
 God through the Redeemer : that to the humility of the 
 sinner she should have joined the liberty of the child ; 
 that to her Heavenly Parent she should have told all her 
 desires freely and fully ; and that such devotion should 
 have heightened every enjoyment, mitigated every trial, 
 given peace within, and spread cheerfulness and happi- 
 ness without. Her prayers, I have reason to know, were 
 often fervent, poured forth with that earnestness of spirit 
 which well became the immensely rich blessings which 
 she asked. I shall never forget the manner in which she 
 once expressed it. At a time when the Spirit of God 
 was poured out, and when an unusual number of persons 
 joined the church, she was prevented by sickness from 
 
26 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 coming to the communion ; when I visited her on Mon- 
 day, and described the scene, she said : " So young Mr. 
 was among the number. O ! I have been work- 
 ing" (probably having in view the apostle's expression, 
 " always labouring in prayer s"^^) — " I have been working 
 and working for that young man at a throne of grace for 
 weeks, and months, and years ; and blessed be God, my 
 prayers are now answered." An instance of persever- 
 ance in prayer, well worthy of imitation. How much 
 was I encouraged in all my duties, to know that one who 
 had such " power with God," was daily pleading for me, 
 and endeavouring to lead other Christians not to forget at 
 the mercy-seat him " who had the rule over them;" 
 
 For nearly four years I had the privilege of such inter- 
 course with this devout believer, and of admiring that 
 consistency of Christian character, which shone so 
 brightly. At the end of that time, I had also the privi- 
 lege to contemplate the termination of her profession on 
 earth, and to see her " finishing her course with joy." 
 
 Though it is not the privilege of all God's children to 
 enjoy large foretastes of glory in their last hours; 
 though some have even departed under clouds of dark- 
 ness and terror, yet generally those who live consistently, 
 die comfortably. The lukewarm and irregular — those 
 who suffer their graces to wither, who are too much 
 attached to the world, who are not watchful and 
 diligent, are generally left to disquietude and pertur- 
 bation. But the believer who adorned his profes- 
 sion in life, usually enjoys peculiar supports when 
 about leaving the world. It was so with her whose 
 character we are considering ; she who spent her days 
 in faith and praye ended them in peace and comfort. 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 27 
 
 • 
 
 She was permitted to depart gradually, by a lingering 
 decline; and thus had the opportunity of testing the 
 value of her principles, and of showing her friends how 
 a sincere, consistent, and exemplary Christian can die. 
 In referring to the notes which were taken of her con- 
 duct and her expressions, I find that scarcely any thing 
 can exceed the confidence, composure, serenity, and ten- 
 derness that appeared in all that she did and said. 
 I cannot refrain from presenting some of her expressions, 
 as exhibiting a glorious evidence of the reality of reli- 
 gion, and of the inworking of the mighty power of God. 
 
 When she was confined to her bed by sickness, and 
 when it was uncertain how it would terminate, she ex- 
 pressed the most perfect willingness to leave the event 
 entirely with God. Neither elated by hope, nor de- 
 pressed by fear, she expressed a contentment to live, or 
 a willingness to die, just as it seemed good in His sight. 
 " He knows what is ' best for me ; and after we have 
 used all necessary means, we will leave the event to 
 Him ; He will in this do right ; He will act wisely and 
 kindly, and I must not, will not, be afraid." 
 
 As her sickness increased, my own visits and those of 
 her pious friends were more frequent ; and it was truly 
 delightful to see the consolations with which she was 
 favoured. When the word of God was read, his praises 
 sung, and Christ made the theme of conversation, her 
 countenance would change in a moment, however lan- 
 guishing she might be with weakness or racked with 
 pain, from the expression of great suffering to a smile 
 that seemed like a ray of the heavenly glory. All saw 
 in her, patience under suffering, acquiescence in the 
 Divine will, humbleness of mind, penitence at the foot of 
 
28 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 e 
 
 the cross, and firm faith in the grace and atonement of 
 the Redeemer. 
 
 When the physician expressed the opinion that her 
 disease was beyond the power of medicine, and that 
 she could not recover, I was deputed to communicate to 
 her the intelligence ; and though the office is often pain- 
 ful, yet, on this occasion, so far as the efiect to be pro- 
 duced was considered, it was performed without reluc- 
 tance. When it was told her, nature for a moment 
 shuddered and shrunk back, but the perturbation was 
 only momentary ; soon recovering her calm and placid 
 countenance, she said, " It is all well ; the will of the 
 Lord be done ; I must now set my house in order ; you 
 know, my dear pastor, the text on which I wish my 
 funeral sermon to be preached; that is all the direction 
 which I need give i/ow." After committing her to God 
 in prayer as one who could not long remain upon earth, 
 I left her, not however to the influence of fear, but to 
 that of great tranquillity in view of her departure ; to a 
 calm composure, arising from an entire willingness to 
 commit her spirit into the hands of the Redeemer. — She 
 lived many days after this, retaining her speech and 
 reason, and giving satisfactory evidence that God, listen- 
 ing to her breathings and cry, had drawn very near to 
 her, and was a peculiar " help in time of trouble." 
 
 In view of the past, her sense of the Divine mercies 
 was strong, and her feelings of gratitude ardent. " Truly 
 goodness and mercy have followed me all my days ; how 
 can I sufficiently adore God for his blessings ? He has 
 led me on step by step through the wilderness ; he has 
 brought me to the gates of death ; and now he will not leave 
 me ; he will be my companion through the dark valley." 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 29 
 
 Amidst sufferings the most awful, she would be not 
 merely resigned, but so cheerful as to say that she could, 
 if God were to help her, bear even more ; that his sup- 
 porting grace was wonderful, passing all expression. — I 
 often asked her if she had any doubts of her acceptance, 
 or any fears of the future '? She would reply : " when 
 I look at the deficiences of my life, or my corruption 
 within, I am indeed distressed ; but when I look to Christ 
 as I should do, as I try to do, continually, I have no 
 clouds nor fears. I know that my Redeemer liveth" — 
 with that appropriating faith which she loved to exercise 
 in life, she would repeat, " my Redeemer — mine — mine,^^ 
 But that which most affected me, and which I have 
 never seen equalled in the most triumphant death of 
 the departing saint, was the spirit of devotion which she 
 possessed and made known. For several days before 
 her departure, she used, when I prayed with her, to 
 continue the prayer, evidently without knowing that she 
 was speaking aloud, or that she could be heard by others. 
 And oh! what prayers! what holy thirstings after 
 the presence of God! what ardent desires for perfect 
 conformity to his will! what frequent mention of the 
 name of Christ and of his righteousness as her right- 
 eousness ! How her heart was penetrated with devotion, 
 and holy confidence, and faith ! How near she drew to 
 God by the full assurance of the blood of her Redeemer ; 
 and how much of his spirit did she imbibe with whom 
 she was so familiar ; whom she so pre-eminently revered 
 and loved ! Sometimes the prayer was all thanksgiving 
 for mercies — sometimes the mingling of humble confes- 
 sion with fervent petition — often it was forgetfulness of 
 herself, and entire intercession for others — for her pastor 
 3 
 
30 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 and his family — for her friends who had been kind to 
 her, and whom she mentioned bj name — for the church 
 of which she was a member — for the cause of Christ in 
 generah We felt, after hearing such prayers, that we 
 were treading on holy ground ; that the chamber of 
 sickness was " none other than the gate of heaven;" 
 that God was specially near to her, making his grace, 
 amidst the decays of nature, most illustrious and trium- 
 phant ; that her Saviour, who had granted her comfort 
 under many troubles of life, had reserved the strongest 
 and sweetest for the sorrows of death. 
 
 " Oh ! true and fervent are the prayers that breathe 
 Forth from a lip that fades with coming death." 
 
 On the Saturday before her death, I visited her twice, 
 as it was expected that she would depart on that day. 
 1 found her, though weak, able to converse a little, and 
 to show that the nearer she came to death, the less 
 gloomy was its effect; that the more closely she ap- 
 proached the world of glory, the more she was brought 
 under its influence and impressions. I said to her, 
 " to-morrow is the Sabbath ; would it not be delightful 
 to go home then? Would you not wish to depart on 
 the Lord's day to the Lord's house above V She whis- 
 pered, " I have no wish ; let God take me in his own 
 time. Do you think that I would dictate to him ? I 
 never did it in health, and shall I do it now, when I am 
 almost gone ? Father, thy will be done — thy time — thy 
 manner— ^% way. Pray for me ; pray that God would 
 not leave me for a single moment."— It was the last 
 interview which I had with her ; the next day her body 
 
 ■4# 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 31 
 
 '' slept in Jesus," and her soul went to the joy of her 
 Lord. 
 
 The funeral took place in the church, no private house 
 being sufficient to accommodate the people. The num- 
 ber that attended was great ; and they were almost with- 
 out exception those of a devout and spiritual character — 
 not merely the members of her own church, but Chris- 
 tians also of other denominations, who had been often 
 benefitted by her example, conversation, and prayers, and 
 who now wished to pay the last respect to her remains. 
 The words which she herself had selected were the sub- 
 ject of the discourse ; "in my Father's house are many 
 mansions ; if it were not so I would have told you. I go to 
 prepare a place for you. And if I go to prepare a place 
 for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself ; 
 that where I am, there ye may be also ;" words pecu- 
 liarly appropriate for such an occasion ; leading us to 
 consider the condition of her who was taken from us ; to 
 reflect upon her spirit enjoying one of those mansions that 
 was prepared for her ; possessing perfect purity, com- 
 plete knowledge, freedom from sorrow, the society of 
 angels, and, above all, the enjoyment of the vision and 
 likeness of God and the Redeemer. Considering how 
 Christ had peculiarly honoured her, and how useful she 
 had been in the station she had occupied, it would have 
 been ungrateful to suffer her to drop into the dust with- 
 out notice ; her religious character was delineated ; the 
 circumstances of her death recounted ; and she herself 
 presented for the imitation of others, so far as she imi- 
 tated Christ. 
 
 It was a season of golemnity and melting tenderness, 
 when the church, though called to mourn, was encour- 
 
32 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 aged and animated by the contemplation of one wiio, by 
 lier living labours and dying experience, " had brought 
 much glory to Christ. 
 
 When the service in the church was over, " devout 
 persons," as was said of Stephen, " carried her to her 
 burial;" and when the body was committed. to the dust, 
 sung the beautiful and appropriate hymn : 
 
 " Why do we mourn departed friends. 
 Or shake at death's alarms ; 
 'Tis but the voice that- Jesus sends, 
 To call them to his arms." 
 
 A head-stone marks the spot where the body of this 
 saint reposes, with the following inscription, illustrative 
 of her character and end. 
 
 IN HOPE OF A JOYFUL RESURRECTION, 
 THE BODY 
 
 MRS. A F , 
 
 WHO DEPAKTED THIS LIFE IN THE TRIUMPHS OF FAITH, 
 
 March 29, 18 — , aged 63 years. 
 " She walked ivith God, and is not, for God took her.'' 
 
 Those of her friends who still live, no doubt at times 
 visit this humble grave, lying in a retired part of the 
 cemetery ; a position expressive of her meekness and 
 humility ; and while bending over the sacred dust, and 
 recalling her holy life and happy death, breathe out the 
 prayer, " let me die the death of the righteous ; let my 
 last end be like hers." 
 
THE DKVoiiT wmow. 33 
 
 "There does the morn her earliest tears bestow, 
 There the first roses of the year do blow, 
 And angels, with their silver wings, o'ershade 
 "^ The spot now sacred by her relics made:' 
 
 The veil of separation is drawn for a season ; she has 
 departed, and no more will converse with us here : but 
 she will be seen at the right hand of the Redeemer, when 
 he comes to gather in his people ; and will appear to 
 his glory, a bright trophy of his rich grace. 
 
 This narrative suggests some useful instructions. 
 
 1. It teaches what a privilege it is to a church to 
 have an eminently pious member like her w^hose life and 
 death we have contemplated ; one who walks with God, 
 lives by faith, delights in prayer, enjoys the communion 
 of saints, and seeks in every way to be useful. What 
 encouragement does even one such give to the pastor ; 
 what strength to the weak, what comfort to the afflicted, 
 what credit and reputation to the church, what new life 
 to many that are " dead in trespasses and in sins." Such 
 influence is felt, even though the subject of such piety be 
 in obscure and humble circumstances; for among the 
 poor we often view religion in its purest form ; see the 
 image of Christ \asibly impressed upon the heart ; be- 
 hold a sincerity and simplicity of Christian character, 
 unincumbered by those hinderances to spirituality which 
 are too frequently in the way of those w^ho live in ease, 
 and walk in the higher ranks of life. Do we not among 
 them learn the most valuable lessons of resignation and 
 faith, and see the most striking demonstrations of the 
 wisdom, power, and grace of God ? They may some- 
 times be confined for months and years to the bed of 
 languishment, and be deprived of the enjoyment of the 
 
34 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 public means of grace ; and yet in the vale of obscurity 
 and poverty, be most useful by the prayers which they 
 ofier for their fellow Christians , and by the example 
 which they exhibit of submission and meekness, content- 
 ment and joy. Often have I seen such cheerfully acqui- 
 escing in all that the Lord has done, acknowledging that 
 it is good and right, and envying none their honours and 
 riches ; delighting themselves in God, reposing on the 
 covenant of grace, exulting in the assurance of eternal 
 glory, ^' drawing water out of the wells of salvation," and 
 rendering the dark scene of penury and sorrow, the means 
 of displaying the beauties of the " sun of righteousness." 
 How much is God glorified by this spirit, and saints ben- 
 efitted by such a sight! — "I have left in the midst of 
 thee a poor and an afilicted people, and they shall trust 
 in the name of the Lord." Yes ! God has left them in 
 the midst of us, as the objects of his special attention ; 
 Christ marks many of them as his own ; he honoured 
 poverty when he came into our world, grew up amidst 
 its privations, drank its bitter cup, chose his apostles 
 from those who had experienced its sorrows, and gath- 
 ered his first followers from its sons and daughters ; and 
 when he adds to it his " unsearchable riches," and the 
 promise of an " incorruptible inheritance," he strips it 
 of its terrors, and invests it with a kind of endearing 
 honour. — " Hath not God chosen the poor of this world 
 rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom of heaven?" — 
 " O ! God, thou hast prepared thy goodness for the 
 poor." 
 
 2. In considering the Christian character of her who 
 is presented to us in this narrative, we see the practica- 
 bility and necessity of high attainments in piety. 
 
THE DEVOUT WIDOW. 35 
 
 We know that religion exists in various degrees, and 
 that, according to the metaphors employed in Scripture, 
 there is the "bud" and the "fruit;" the glimmering 
 " spark," and the full " blaze ;" the " babe in Clirist," 
 and the "full-grown man." But though all be not 
 equally sanctified, yet all are bound to attain the high- 
 est religion of which their nature is capable. The sub- 
 ject of this narrative, we have seen, attained this emi- 
 nent piety ; she seemed to combine in her character all 
 the Christian excellencies ; to blend the dispositions which 
 prepared her for heaven with those that fitted her for 
 usefulness on earth ; to exhibit the highest spirituality 
 united with the purest moral virtue. — Let us, professors 
 of religion, be "followers of those who through faith and 
 patience have inherited the promises." If we would be 
 happy and useful, let us seek after a higher degree of per- 
 sonal rehgion ; let us pursue it with earnestness, dili- 
 gence, and solicitude ; let us resist the destructive influ- 
 ence of the world in every form ; let us mortify all sin 
 in the heart, and struggle after inward purity ; let us be 
 constrained by the love of Christ to be conformed to his 
 example, and to have " fellowship with him in his suffer- 
 ings." — "To be carnally-minded is death, but to be 
 spiritually-minded is life and peace." 
 
 3. How desirable is a happy and triumphant death. 
 Such a death she experienced whose character we have 
 been contemplating. I know that it is not the privilege 
 of all the children of God to enjoy so large a share of 
 heaven upon earth as did this dear saint ; to have such 
 gleams of Divine glory to irradiate for them the dark 
 valley ; yet it should be desired and sought by us all. 
 We should wish not only to live her holy life, but also 
 
86 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to die her happy death. When we consider how such 
 a departure from earth glorifies God, brings honour to the 
 Redeemer, credit to religion, and good to immortal souls ; 
 how it edifies the church, increases the faith of believers, 
 impresses and awakens careless sinners, it should not be 
 a subject of indifierence whether our sun set in clouds or 
 in brightness ; it should be the object of oUr holy ambi- 
 tion to " finish our course with joy." How much benefit 
 has been derived from the relation given of those whose 
 dying experience corresponded with their living holiness, 
 who, standing on the verge of heaven, exhibited some 
 of the spirit of the glorified saints ! How much good has 
 been done by the perusal of the " closing hours of Pres- 
 ident Finley" — the last expressions of Toplady and Pay- 
 son— the " Dying Thoughts of Richard Baxter ;" and 
 the experience of hundreds since, who had bright mani- 
 festations of God's presence in their passage to the tomb ! 
 Consistent and eminent piety in life is the most likely 
 way of attaining peace and comfort in death ; to " die 
 daily," like the apostle, is the best means to be able, 
 when death comes, as he did, to say, " I am now ready 
 to be ofiered up, and the time of my departure is at hand. 
 I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I 
 have kept the faith : henceforth there is laid up for me 
 a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous 
 judge, shall give me at that day." 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 
 
 CHAPTER 11. 
 
 THE S C O T T I S Fi SEAMAN 
 
 I love the sailor ; — his eventful life — 
 
 His generous spirit — his contempt of danger — 
 
 His firnoness in the gale, the wreck, and strife ; 
 And, though a wild and reckless ocean-ranger, 
 
 God grant he make tliat port, when life is o'er. 
 
 Where storms are hush'd, and billows break no moie." 
 
 Nearly eighteen hundred years were suffered to pass 
 away before any effectual means were employed for the 
 religious improvement of seamen. There was no good 
 reason why they should have been so long neglected. 
 They were not overlooked by the Redeemer; on the 
 shores of Tiberias, he often wandered to gather the 
 straying seamen to his arms ; and from the watermen of 
 the lake he selected the chief ministers of his kingdom, 
 who, faithful to the trust reposed in them, endured all 
 manner of hardships, and even sacrificed their lives for 
 the extension of the gospel. Nothing but unbelief, look- 
 ing at the difficulties attending their salvation, caused 
 Christians thus to neglect them, and to suppose that 
 there were almost impossibilities in the way of their con- 
 version. These difficulties were indeed great. "Whether 
 this class of men were at sea or on shore, they were sur- 
 rounded by a mass of corruption and sin which led them 
 to lose sight of all moral obligation — at sea they had no 
 3* 
 
38 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 Sabbath nor Divine worship ; nothing but what was cal- 
 culated to demoralize their feelings, vitiate their habits, 
 and to estrange them from God. On shore, that distinc- 
 tion of manner and dress which characterized them, kept 
 them from the house of God and the public means of 
 grace ; temptations to vice everywhere presented them- 
 selves in forms adapted to their inclinations and habits ; 
 and no counsellor was at hand to interpose a word of 
 caution and advice. Is it surprising that in such cir- 
 cumstances, so great a part of them were vicious, and 
 almost sunk in the depths of ignorance and sin 1 But 
 it is surprising that for so long a time they suffered 
 from the neglect of the Christian community ; and that 
 no special pledge of mercy for them was sought for and 
 found. While almost every other object on which 
 Christian beneficence could expend its power was eagerly 
 embraced, they, as if by common consent, were neglected 
 and forgotten, and, as the consequence of this neglect, 
 seemed utterly incorrigible. Possessed of immortality, 
 and under the awful responsibility which is connected 
 with it, they were ignorant almost of the fact that they 
 had a soul ; they possessed no book of God to enlighten 
 them, no sanctuary to receive and instruct them, no 
 friendly voice to warn them of their danger, no kind 
 messenger to invite them to the Lamb of God ; contin- 
 ually wafted from the shore of one land to another, they 
 enjoyed the blessings of no country ; exposed to death 
 in its most appalling forms, they were entirely regard- 
 less of that Almighty Being who " holds the winds in 
 his hand," and deplorably ignorant of his will, who 
 " speaketh to them from heaven." 
 
 But brighter scenes at last arose. At the beginning 
 
Til^ SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 39 
 
 of this century, Christians awoke to their duty ; they 
 began to feel what they owe to these dying sinners ; 
 shed tears over their misery, extended their hand to 
 pluck them from the gulf of destruction, and directed 
 them to that haven, where storms are for ever over, and 
 where the weary find eternal rest. The interest thus 
 commenced advanced with wonderful rapidity ; it was 
 truly gratifying to see with what zeal the subject was 
 taken hold of by Christians in every part of the world ; 
 and with what success the effort was attended. The 
 Scriptures liberally diffused, are now received by seamen 
 with grateful feeling ; and few vessels leave port without 
 copies of the word of God. Religious tracts are abun- 
 dantly distributed ; these winged messengers find their 
 way to the hammock, and in an unlooked-for hour often 
 reach the heart of the sailor. In many ports bethel 
 meetings are held, and mariners' chapels erected. On 
 the deck of many a ship, praises to God are sung, where 
 formerly little was heard but horrid imprecations ; sai- 
 lor's boarding-houses, which were once dens of sin and 
 blasphemy, have, by the grace of God, become houses 
 of prayer. Many captains and mates, and not a few 
 common sailors, have experienced the pardoning grace, 
 of the Redeemer, and are "the first fruits" of that 
 " abundance of the sea that shall be converted unto 
 God." 
 
 One of these converted seamen is the subject of this 
 narrative, a bright trophy of the rich gi'ace of God. 
 
 The event which I am about to relate took place at a 
 time when unusual solemnity prevailed in the congrega- 
 tion over which I presided ; when an impression not to be 
 mistaken was made by the preaching of the Word, silent- 
 
40 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 ly affecting many hearts. It was usual, wlien any num- 
 ber were supposed to ^be the subjects of the Spmt's 
 awakening influences, to have what is termed a " meet- 
 ing of inquiry" at my house, where such could assemble 
 by themselves, and by familiar conversation receive coun- 
 sel and direction. Such a meeting was announced every 
 Sabbath, and all who were roused from their natural 
 thoughtlessness, who were impressed more or less on the 
 subject of religion, who were in any degree convicted of 
 sin, or desirous of salvation, were invited to attend. As 
 a church we derived much spiritual benefit from these 
 meetings ; they tended to give the pastor a knowledge of 
 the numbers of those thus awakened ; to deepen their im- 
 pressions of Divine truth ; to keep them from returning 
 to their former carelessness ; to preserve them from de- 
 spair under the burden of their guilt, and to impart 
 instruction in the way of salvation in a manner suited to 
 their capacity, and applicable to each particular case. 
 
 It may be a question whether it is not desirable that 
 such a meeting should be constantly held in congrega- 
 tions of any size, and announced on the Sabbath. This 
 was the custom of the excellent Payson during the greater 
 part of his ministerial life, and he attested that " it was 
 exceedingly useful ; the number of inquirers has often 
 been very small, but we have always had some, and the 
 number has increased or diminished as the church has 
 been more or less engaged in prayer." Would it not 
 have a happy influence upon the pastor, preserve his 
 spirituality, strengthen his faith, and lead him to expect 
 great and daily results from his daily labours ? Would 
 it not have a happy influence upon the church, quicken 
 their devotion, inspire them with gratitude and faith if 
 
THE SCOTTrSII SEAMAN. 41 
 
 many attended, or witli humiliation if the meeting de- 
 clined? Might it not, if properly conducted, be the 
 means of a perpetual revival of that continued prosper- 
 ity in the church wliich is far better than a temporary 
 excitement, succeeded by a season of spiritual coldness 
 and languor ? 
 
 Such a meeting Matthew Henry seems to have had 
 once a week, though confined to the young, in which there 
 was usually " a competent number who manifested symp- 
 toms of though tfulness ;" he " conversed with them on 
 their everlasting interests ; explained the nature of the 
 covenant of grace, of which their baptism was the seal ; 
 illustrated the design of the Lord's Supper, and exhorted 
 them to come to the Lord Jesus ; in which labour of love 
 he was remarkably successful." Such a meeting Baxter 
 seems to have maintained regularly while he was at 
 Kidderminster ; some were always impressed by his 
 preaching and concerned for their salvation w^hom he 
 met once a week for Christian conversation ; "or if 
 through ignorance or bashfulness they could make no 
 answers, it was all turned into instruction and exhorta- 
 tion." May not this, with the other means which he 
 used with so much simplicity and intense ardour, have 
 tended to that continued outpouring of the Spirit which 
 was there enjoyed ; that lively state of religion which 
 was maintained without the intermission of apathy and 
 inactivity ; a state, during which he could say that in a 
 church of six hundred communicants, there were only 
 twelve of whose piety he had any reason to doubt. 
 
 It was while attending such a meeting that I became 
 acquainted with Captam R. Among others who for the 
 first time had come there, I perceived a man between 
 
42 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 forty and fifty years of age, whom, from his complexion 
 and dress, I recognized to be a seaman ; he had listened 
 attentively to the conversation aromid him, and exhibited 
 much thought and feeling. Apprgaching him, I said : 
 " My friend, you are a stranger here ; do you know the 
 nature of this meeting 1" 
 
 " Yes, sir ; I was at your church last Sunday and 
 heard you preach, and when you announced this meeting, 
 and invited all to come who were concerned for their 
 souls, awakened to the importance of religion, and con- 
 vinced that they were sinners, I thought that I belonged 
 to that number. And when you urged such to come, 
 telling them that you would be pleased to give them 
 counsel and direction, that their attendance might 
 strengthen their impressions, and prevent them from 
 losing their convictions ; and when you asked the mem- 
 bers of the church to pray for such as might attend, I 
 determined to go, and I am here this evening to tell you 
 my desires and feelings." 
 
 Finding him modest and retiring, I drew him out by 
 repeated inquiries. " In what capacity are you as a 
 seaman, and what brought you to this port ?" 
 
 " I am master of a ship that was driven here last 
 week. We suffered everything but death on the coast 
 during the late storm ; lost all our rigging, and at last 
 our rudder, and were sure that we should perish. After 
 we had given up, saw our graves in the deep waters be- 
 fore us, and knew that we were not prepared for death, 
 we began to pray, as well as we could, with all our 
 might ; and God saved us from destruction, and enabled 
 us to reach this place, with the ship and our bodies al- 
 most torn to pieces." 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 43 
 
 " What ! do you think that God hears the prayers of 
 the wicked'?" 
 
 " Yes ; he heard our prayers — none but he could have 
 saved us — he loves the poor sailors, wicked as they are." 
 
 " The Psalmist describes your condition : ' Then they 
 cry unto the Lord in their troubles' " — he immediately 
 added, " and bringeth them out of their distresses." 
 
 " Have you never before been in danger, and prayed 
 to God to save you '?" 
 
 " Yes, very often ; and I am ashamed to think how 
 ungrateful I have been to the Preserver of my life, and 
 how frequently I have broken the most solemn promises. 
 But I am different now from what I ever was before. 
 We had scarcely got into port before the sailors who 
 had prayed so much became as wicked as ever, and even 
 the mate, who promised as much, and cried to Heaven 
 as earnestly as I did, soon lost all remembrance of God's 
 mercies, and his own vows ; but my impressions, through 
 Divine grace, have continued and increased. While en- 
 gaged in work during the day, I am sad, and all suppose 
 that it is owing to my losses, but it is caused by the re- 
 membrance of my sins, and my desire for pardon. I am 
 glad when night comes ; for then I can read a portion of 
 Scripture, and pray to God for mercy." 
 
 " But what led you to go to church on the Sabbath." 
 
 " It was to learn whether there was any hope for me, 
 a poor, miserable sinner. I heard that there was such a 
 church here, and that you were the minister ; I had not 
 listened to preaching for many, many years ; God in- 
 clined me to go, and made that meeting, and I hope will 
 make this, a blessing to my soul." 
 
 " You then feel yourself to l^e a sinner." 
 
44 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 " I have long known it, but have never felt it so keenly 
 as I do now ; what I once regarded as trivial offences, I 
 now see to be shocking crimes ; I feel that my heart is 
 wicked, and that all my actions are but streams from the 
 corrupt fountain within ; I have sinned against so many 
 privileges that I am deeply sensible that I am a miser- 
 able creature and guilty criminal ; that I am the chief 
 of sinners." 
 
 " Do you deserve, then, to perish ?" 
 
 " I cannot question it for a moment ; if God should 
 repulse and eternally destroy me, I dare not object, for 
 I have no claim upon him ; if I were never to taste of 
 his mercy, I feel that I must acquit him of all severity ; 
 and that I am just as worthy of eternal death now, under 
 conviction of sin, as I was in the depth of my carnal se- 
 curity." 
 
 I was gratified, and yet surprised at the manner in 
 which he expressed himself on these subjects ; and at the 
 same time fully convinced that the impression of Divine 
 truth upon his mind was strong, his sense of sin great, 
 and his desire after salvation sincere and ardent. It 
 would have been pleasant to ask him more questions, but 
 the time would not permit. I therefore urged him to 
 rely on the Lord Jesus, to turn his eye from his guilt to 
 the cross, to view the richness, preciousness, and freeness 
 of the gospel, and to believe that its declarations contain 
 a sufficient warrant for the vilest sinner, in the m€^t des- 
 perate circumstances, to look to Christ for relief. 
 
 At all our meetings during the remainder of the week, 
 and on the following Sabbath, he was present, evincing 
 marked attention, drinking in with eagerness the word of 
 life, and receiving, with deep interest, the consolation 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 45 
 
 and instruction imparted to the convicted. At tlic next 
 " meeting of inquiry," he was one of tlie fii^t that "was 
 present, anxiously waiting to be instructed in the "way of 
 salvation. From what I had seen of him, I was persuad- 
 ed that he was a tiian of good natural powers, much 
 acuteness, and considerable knowledge of Scripture. 
 Leaving the officers of the church to attend to the other 
 inquirers, I determined to devote the evening to him, 
 and at the same time to give to others who were sitting 
 around an opportunity to listen to our conversation. 
 Approaching, I asked the state of his mind. 
 
 " Since I was here the last week, I have conversed 
 with no one on the subject of religion, but my Bible and 
 my God. But one thing affects me, and makes me feel 
 that I need more pungent convictions ; I am distressed 
 that I have no more fear of eternal perdition ; I have 
 really less dread of it, than I had during the storm, when 
 I thought that I was perishing." 
 
 " But you believe that you are under the curse of the 
 law?" 
 
 " I do ; I feel that the law is holy, and the curse aw- 
 ful ; but I do not dread it and tremble at it as I ought." 
 
 " Do not be concerned on this account ; deep distress 
 arising from the fear of hell is not absolutely necessary 
 to secure peace with God. It is indeed often felt by the 
 awakened sinner ; but it is no part of what is required^ 
 but rather a part of what is inflicted; proceeding from 
 the curse of the law rather than from its precept. It is 
 better to say from the heart, ' I have sinned,' than to 
 exclaim, ' my perdition w^ill be greater than I can bear ;' 
 better to feel the deadly nature of iniquity than to fear 
 the infliction of punishment. Do not then desire greater 
 
46 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES, 
 
 distress of this kind ; nor pray for terrifying apprehen- 
 sions of hell." 
 
 At these remarks he was silent and sad ; I left him . 
 for a few moments to his own reflections, sensible that in 
 his present state of mind, he needed encouragement and 
 comfort. I held up to his mind the invitations of the 
 Gospel in all their glory ; the boundless compassion of 
 God, the infinite value of the blood of Christ, the perfect 
 freeness of the salvation offered, the ample provision made 
 for such as have nothing of their own on which to rely, 
 and who utterly despair of doing anything for their own 
 deliverance. I quoted the passage, " Seek ye the Lord 
 while he may be found ;" he immediately added, " Call 
 ye upon him while he is near ; let the wicked forsake his 
 way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him 
 turn unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, 
 and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon him." 
 After explaining and applying the passage, I quoted the 
 Saviour's invitation, " Come unto me all ye that labour 
 and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" — he im- 
 mediately added, " Take my yoke upon you, and learn of 
 me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find 
 rest unto your souls ; for my yoke is easy, and my bur- 
 den is light." He continued : " I believe that I belong 
 to the number of those thus invited ; that I am oppressed 
 with the servitude of sin, and bowed down under a load 
 of misery, and that none but Christ can give peace to my 
 guilty conscience, and true satisfaction to my disquieted 
 soul." 
 
 I commenced the gracious promise, " The spirit and 
 the bride say come" — the remainder he promptly quoted : 
 " and let him that heareth say come j and lot him that 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 47 
 
 is athirst come ; and whosoever will, let him take the 
 water of life freely." — Surprised at his knowledge of 
 Scripture, I could not but tell him that since he came 
 on shore he had read the word of God with great dili- 
 gence. 
 
 While I was explaining the nature of faith, and illus- 
 trating the different kinds that are spoken of in Scripture, 
 he interrupted me, saying : " I have been taught only 
 one kind, and that may be called religious i-dJiili— faith 
 in Jesus Christ is a saving grace^ wherein v;e receive and 
 rest upon him alone fof salvation, as he is offered to us in 
 the gospel.''^ — Astonished at hearing this, I asked him 
 when and where he had learned it. " In the catechism, 
 when I was a boy." 
 
 My curiosity being excited to know his history, he, by 
 repeated questions proposed to him, gave me the follow- 
 ing particulars. He was born on one of the islands in 
 the north of Scotland, of pious parents, who gave him a 
 religious education. From his earliest childhood he was 
 accustomed to family worship, morning and evening, and 
 by his parents, pastor, and schoolmaster, carefully in- 
 structed in the catechism and the Scrip tui'es. — At an 
 early age, a situation was sought for him on board a ship 
 destined for a long trading voyage to different parts of 
 the world ; and he was accordingly bound for a number 
 of years to the captain ; and after receiving the advice 
 of his parents and minister, and an exhortation to be a 
 pious boy and a brave sailor, he departed. He was at 
 that time what most boys are at the age of fourteen, 
 thoughtless, light-headed, and reckless of the future. 
 His situation was one of much hardship ; his master 
 proved harsh and tyrannical, and the whole crew extreme- 
 
48 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 \j wicked. In consequence of his religious education 
 and the checks of conscience, he was at first correct and 
 moral ; and bj his propriety of conduct reproved the 
 vices of his companions ;. but after a time, he yielded to 
 temptation, gradually forsook his Bible, and at last in- 
 dulged in all the profanity and crime which abound among 
 sailors. I need not follow him through all his future 
 course, and tell of the foreign countries which he visited, 
 in how many different ships he sailed, and how he gradu- 
 ally became mate, and afterwar^ master and part owner 
 of a vessel. — Wlien he was trul;^wakened by the Spirit, 
 and convinced of sin, (by the means already mentioned,) 
 he seemed at once to transport himself into the time past ; 
 his early life recurred to his mind — his father's house, 
 in which he daily heard the voice of prayer and praise, 
 rose to his view ; he recalled the religious education 
 which he had received, and had forcibly brought to his 
 remembrance many of those lessons of piety derived from 
 the Scripture and the catechism, in which he had been 
 instructed. That holy book Avhich for more than twenty 
 years he had entirely neglected, now engaged his earnest 
 attention ; he reviewed such portions as he had learned 
 in childhood ; and as he read from day to day, was more 
 and more convinced of his urgent and immediate need of 
 a Saviour. 
 
 After I had received this account of his life, I asked 
 him what effect the recollection of his early religious 
 privileges had upon him ? 
 
 " It grieves me much to think that I have sinned 
 against such a pious education ; such peculiar goodness 
 and mercy ; and yet the recollection of these things 
 keeps me from despair; I cannot but think that mv 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 'li:^ 
 
 father's desires will be granted, and my mother's 
 prayers heard." 
 
 We now returned to the nature of faith in Christ, and 
 while he repeated the definition in the language of tlie 
 catechism, I asked him if he understood it'? 
 
 " I am afraid not, though I have some little idea of 
 it ; my apprehensions are dull, and my views dim ; I 
 would thank you to explain it to me at length, for no 
 subject is of more momentous consequence to me at this 
 time." 
 
 I consented, and endeavoured to be as plain and simple 
 as possible. 
 
 " Faith, you observe, is a grace^ because it is the gift 
 of God and freely bestoAved ; a saving grace, because 
 when exercised, salvation is begun, and in due time will 
 be consummated. It consists in receiving Christ. You 
 know what it is to receive a gift ; the present you may not 
 deserve ; he who ofiers it may perceive that you need it, 
 and will find it useful, and therefore be influenced only by 
 a desire of doing you a kindness. Now Christ, the ob- 
 ject of faith, is revealed in Scripture as a gift ; presented to 
 such as are absolutely poor, and have nothing of their 
 own ; presented to you particularly, who feel your spir- 
 itual poverty and utter unworthiness ; and you must re- 
 ceive him, lay hold of him, and make him your own. 
 
 You must rest upon him, just as a house rests upon a 
 solid foundation ; just as the ivy, weak in itself, and 
 unable to withstand the slightest wind, rests upon the 
 oak, and entwines around it, and thus stands firmly. 
 You must rest upon him just as a feeble man rests upon 
 his stafi" as a support. You must rest upon him just as 
 you would, during a shipwreck, rely upon planks to carry 
 
50 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 you safely to shore." — Here he interrupted me, saying : 
 " In such a case I would have no certainty of being 
 saved from a watery grave ; many a poor sailor has thus 
 ventured, and been lost." 
 
 " It is true ; but let us take the case of Paul, when 
 he was wrecked upon Melita. When the mariners and 
 passengers saw the vessel shattered, the waves prevail- 
 ing, and no hope of safety remaining in the ship, they 
 heard his declaration — probably received by revelation 
 from his Master — that following his directions, none of 
 them should be lost. They believed him, and cast them- 
 selves upon the broken pieces of the vessel without 
 scruple, and clave to them with a cheerful confidence, 
 not doubting that according to the apostle's promise, 
 they should all safely escape. Now ^ a greater than ' 
 Paul, even his Lord and our Lord, has promised that if 
 we rely, venture, rest upon him, we shall not perish, but 
 have everlasting life. 
 
 " But you observe that we must rest upon Christ 
 alone. His word is expressive and excludes every .thing 
 else but him as the ground of our confidence. There 
 are those who rely upon the general mercy of God, or 
 upon the works of the law ; others blend their own works 
 with the righteousness of the Redeemer, and foolishly 
 imagine that they can supply what is wanting in their 
 obedience, by what the Saviour has done and suffered for 
 them. But Christ divided will be of no use ; he will 
 never consent to share with the sinner the honour of his 
 salvation. 
 
 " We must receive him, as he is offered to us in the 
 gospel. He is offered freely ; ' come ye, buy and eat, 
 without money, and without price.' ' Come and take 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 51 
 
 freely ' is our Master's invitation ; come without staying 
 to acquire any good qualities. In the Parable, salvation 
 is offered to the ' poor,' the ' maimed,' the ' halt and 
 the blind' — to those who have no amiable endowment, 
 but every loathsome property ; these are not only invi- 
 ted, but entreated, and by every art of persuasion impor- 
 tuned to come. The returning Prodigal came to his 
 Father's house with no recommendation of dress, person, 
 or character ; with nothing but his destitution, misery, 
 and acknowledgment of vileness ; yet he w^as received 
 and clothed with the best robe — the righteousness of 
 Christ. 
 
 " We must receive Christ wholly, for he can gi\e every 
 thing that we want ; we must receive him as our ' wisdom,' 
 to enlighten our ignorant minds ; our ' righteousness,' to 
 justify our guilty persons ; our ' sanctification,' to renew 
 our depraved natures ; our ' redemption,' to rescue us 
 from the bondage of sin and Satan. 
 
 " We must receive him particularly, for so lie is 
 offered in the gospel. It is not sufficient that a man 
 believe that the grant of the Saviour is to sinners in 
 general ; he must feel that the offer is to him in particu- 
 lar ; appropriate Christ to himself, and thus obtain aji 
 actual possession of Jesus. Every figurative expression 
 on this subject used in Scripture, implies personal and 
 individual application. Is Christ represented under the 
 similitude of bread 1 It cannot nourish the body unless 
 it be received and eaten. Is he held forth under the 
 image of waters, ever running, and ever free ? But let 
 them run ever so copiously, and ever so freely, they will 
 not quench the thirst, nor refresh the spirits, unless they 
 are drunk. Is he represented as a rock ? It will give 
 
52 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 no rest to the weary traveller unless he reclme upon it. 
 When the Israelites looked unto the brazen serpe nt, while 
 thej all considered it as a cure, each particular person 
 regarded it as a remedy for himself. 
 
 " Such is the nature of that grace, a definition of which 
 you have given ; and what now hinders you from believ- 
 ing ? ' Wilt thou be made whole V Christ asks." 
 
 After this' view of faith, thus presented, one might 
 imagine that the inquiring soul to whom the conversation 
 was addressed, would at once have believed in Christ, 
 and have cordially embraced that salvation which is per- 
 fect in itself, and free to the sinner. If I had not often 
 seen persons in the same situation, perpetually raising 
 objections, founded on the Avant of personal merit, I 
 should have wondered that he was so backward to be- 
 lieve ; so unwilling to accept the provision which God 
 had made, and enjoy the comfort so freely tendered. 
 •Like many, he was reluctant to come divested of every 
 recomcnendation, and to exercise that genuine self-denial 
 of the gospel which is the hardest sacrifice to human 
 pride. 
 
 "•I would come to Christ, and receive and rest upon 
 him, if I were prepared." 
 
 " Prepared ! You say that you feel yourself to be a 
 sinner ; that you have deserved Divine wrath ; that you 
 feel that Jesus is able and willing to save you ; what 
 more is needed ? This conviction of sin and sense of 
 want is all that is required ; and this is needful, not so 
 much as inclining God to give, as disposing you to re- 
 ceive." 
 
 He still objected — " Is there nothing then to be done 
 on my parti No love of God to be exercised — no 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 53 
 
 heavenly mindedness to be practised — no victory over 
 lusts to be gained — no fruits of holiness to be produced ?" 
 
 " No ! None of these qualities Christ requires — they 
 are the blessings which he freely bestows." 
 
 " But must I not have repentance before I come ; true, 
 heartfelt repentance ?" 
 
 " No ! For this too the Redeemer confers ; ' He is 
 exalted a Prince, and a Saviour to give repentance.' 
 You have given the definition of faith — can you not also 
 give, from the Catechism, the definition of true repent- 
 ance ?" With some assistance, he repeated the answer : 
 ' Repentance unto life is a saving grace whereby a sin- 
 ner , out of a true sense of his sin, and apprehension of 
 the mercy of God in Christ , doth with grief and hatred 
 of his sin, turn from it unto God, with full purpose 
 of, and endeavour after, new obedience.^ " You per- 
 ceive that the sinner cannot exercise grief and hatred of 
 his sin, and turn from it unto God, until he have ' an 
 apprehension of the mercy of God in Christ Jesus^ — 
 an expression which denotes saving faith. This is per- 
 fectly consistent with the Word of God. Zechariah, 
 referring to the gospel dispensation, intimates that we 
 must first look to the Messiah that was pierced, and then 
 ' mourn as one mourneth for an only son;' so that the 
 tear of penitence may be said to flow from the eye of 
 faith. It is true now, as it was in the days of the 
 apostles, we ' believe and turn unto the Lord.' Talk no 
 more, then, of those qualifications being necessary for 
 you in order to believe in Christ, which he bestows only 
 upon those who have believed in him. You are to come 
 as a beggar ; and all who are unwilling to live upon 
 alms, indisposed to stand on a level with publicans and 
 4 
 
54 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sinners, derive from him no assistance. By incessantly 
 longing after some merit of your own, though you may 
 not be aware of it, you dishonour the Redeemer, for he 
 wishes you to come with all your sins about you, and all 
 your guilt upon you. Now, your duty, my friend, is 
 plain. I do not exhort you to pray — I know that you 
 (Jo it — nor to read the Scriptures — you are no stranger 
 to that book ; but I do exhort you to believe in the Lord 
 Jesus Christ. It is not only your privilege, but your 
 duty, founded upon an express command : ' This is his 
 commandment that we should believe on the name of his 
 Son, Jesus Christ.' It is one of the 'most important 
 mandates that ever issued from his throne ; in neglecting 
 which no other can be kept ; in observing which all 
 others will be easy. Now will you not believe in him, 
 and lay hold of his merits as your own 1 Your warrant 
 to do it is clear and unexceptionable ; you are as really 
 authorized to receive Christ with his covenant fulness 
 and rich consolations as you are to eat bread when you 
 hunger, or drink water when you thirst ; as you are to 
 breathe the air, or walk by the light of the sun. ' Him that 
 cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out,' is the lan- 
 guage of him whose heart and hands are open to you, as 
 widely open as infinite love can set them." 
 
 Notwithstanding all that had been said and urged, he 
 earnestly asked, " When am I to believe? I feel it to be 
 a duty ; but when should it be performed ?" 
 
 " It is to be done now. Christ is able and willing to 
 save you now ; every invitation, promise, and encourage- 
 ment relates to the present moment. He says not : 
 ' Come unto me after a while ; trust in me at some fu- 
 ture time ;' but his language is, ' Come, for all things 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAiN. DO 
 
 are now ready.' ' To-day, if you will hear his voice' — 
 and that voice says, ' come.' " 
 
 At this last remark he was peculiarly thoughtful. I 
 asked him no more questions, and here terminated the 
 conversation. The meeting was dismissed, and he and 
 the others retired. 
 
 I have reason to know that the conversation held that 
 evening had a considerable effect upon the mind of Capt. 
 
 R . Seeking no acquaintance, and closely occupied 
 
 with business during the day, he was every evening in 
 his retirement, studying the Word of God, employed in 
 meditation, or engaged in prayer. At the next meeting 
 he was with " the enquirers," as usual. I said to him, 
 " my friend, have you trusted Christ ?" 
 
 He calmly replied : " How can I mistrust him ? so 
 great, so good, so faithful — how can I refuse to confide 
 in him 1 he suffered for the unjust — he died for sinners 
 — ^he came to seek and to save that which was lost — to 
 reconcile to God those who are his enemies ; I am of that 
 number — ^how can I disbelieve ? and help relying upon 
 him who died for my sins, and arose for my justification ? 
 His salvation is every way suited to my condition ; per- 
 fect in itself, and free to me as a sinner." 
 
 " You feel then that it is all free — entirely of grace ?" 
 
 " I do — God was the first mover in the work — I was 
 found of him whom I neither loved nor sought ; and by^ 
 Divine grace am distinguished from those who were as 
 good as I am, and who were exposed to the same death ; 
 but they have lost all their serious impressions, while I 
 am a brand plucked from the burning." 
 
 Desiring indirectly to lead him to self-examination, I 
 said : " I know no passage which more beautifully and 
 
56 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 concisely describes the character of true Christians than 
 that of the apostle : ' Who worship God in the spirit, 
 rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the 
 flesh.' They ' worship' him from the heart, with 
 gratitude and love ; they ' rejoice in Christ Jesus ;' to 
 him look for all acceptance ; from him derive all their 
 peace, and on him place all their hope ; they ' have no 
 confidence in the flesh ;' renounce themselves in every 
 view, as unprofitable servants, and disclaim all their 
 works as defective services." 
 
 " I have no great joy ; but I think that I have no re- 
 liance upon any thing of my own for the present or the 
 future ; I find a sufficiency in Christ not only to supply 
 my wants, but to make me spiritually rich and eternally 
 happy." 
 
 " But though you have no high joy or rapture, have 
 you not something of that rest and calm tranquillity 
 which Jesus promises to the weary and heavy-laden ?" 
 
 "Yes ! he does give rest and comfort ; and I love him 
 for every thing that he does and is ; his character, as 
 far as I know it, is pleasant to me." 
 
 Gratified at such evidence of grace, I concluded the 
 interview with remarking : " Let me now advise you, 
 in the language of Barnabas, ' with full purpose of 
 heart to cleave unto the Lord Jesus ;' keep your eye 
 continually fixed upon him ; like Paul, ' live a life of 
 faith upon the Son of God.' Cleave to his word ; let it 
 ' dwell in you richly in all wisdom' — cleave to his right- 
 eousness ; daily renounce your own, and rely upon his 
 obedience — cleave to his spirit, pray that you may have 
 it more abundantly, and be filled with his influences — 
 cleave to his example, and look to him as your heavenly 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 57 
 
 pattern. Thus ' cleave to the Lord' incessantly, close- 
 ly, inseparably. This will increase your watchfulness, 
 beget true humility of mind, work a greater abhorrence 
 of sin, enkindle ardent love to God, enlarge your heart 
 with benevolence to your fellow men, and exalt your 
 aftections far above the world. ^ Be strong in the grace 
 that is in Christ Jesus.' Faith in him can do more 
 than remove mountains ; it can still an unquiet con- 
 scieiice, soften a hard heart, bend a stubborn will, and 
 keep together God and man." 
 
 Captain R continued several weeks amongst us, 
 
 attending all our meetings, not forgetting the " meeting 
 of inquiry ;" preserving a calm and unruffled mind, 
 growing in knowledge and grace ; striving to live, and 
 walk, and pray in the Spirit. The time approaching 
 when he was to leave us, he expressed a desire to make 
 a public profession of religion before his departure. " I 
 feel anxious," said he, " like Timothy, ' to profess a 
 good profession before many witnesses ;' to observe 
 God's command, ' Come out from among them, and be 
 ye separate, and I will be a father unto you ;' to have 
 respect to that duty to which the Saviour has annexed 
 so gracious a promise : ' Whosoever shall confess me 
 before men, him will I also confess before my Father who 
 is in heaven.' " 
 
 '' In making this profession of faith what do you sup- 
 pose you declare '?" 
 
 " I merely profess publicly what I have done private- 
 ly ; to take Christ as my teacher and instructor ; receive 
 him as my priest and sacrifice ; submit to him as my 
 king and lawgiver, and adopt him as my pattern and ex- 
 ample." 
 
58 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 " The command of Christ is a sufficient reason why 
 you should perform the duty ; but do you expect to de- 
 rive from it any benefit 1" 
 
 " I do ; it will release me from the reproach of being 
 Christ's enemy, and confer upon me the honour of being 
 his friend ; it will grant me a right and title to all the 
 privileges and comforts of communion with his people; 
 it will give me a decision which I much need, and thus 
 strengthen me to resist temptation ; it will enablg me, 
 through Divine grace, in consequence of my association 
 with others, to be fortified against the influence of ex- 
 ample and reproach ; it will increase my usefulness, 
 and, I trust, will make me more zealous in a cause which 
 I publicly profess to espouse." 
 
 On the week after this conversation he was admitted 
 into the church, made a public profession of his faith, 
 and entered into covenant with God. It was an inter- 
 esting occasion — all seemed affected, but, none so much 
 as he who on that day first avouched the Lord to be his 
 God. After the service, he said to me with solemnity, 
 " now the world will regard me in a different light from 
 what it has ever done before, and its eyes will be upon 
 me ; it knows that I have committed myself, and I must 
 be consistent. I hope that I shall not bring dishonour 
 upon the church, but that I may be a credit and comfort 
 to you all. Pray for me, and let the brethren pray for 
 me when I am far away ; for I shall be exposed to many 
 temptations." 
 
 " We will not forget you, captain ; we will pray for 
 you. Living near to the Redeemer, feeling and express- 
 ing your dependence upon him, you will find his ' grace 
 sufficient ;' through ^ Christ's strengthening,' you can ' do 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 59 
 
 all things ;' you can be a faithful witness for the Saviour, 
 making him known, and causing him to be loved ; an 
 index to the cross — a waymark to heaven ; we rejoice 
 that we shall have a member of our church on the ocean ; 
 a useful member among those of your profession for 
 whom we ought to be more deeply concerned." 
 
 The circumstance of a mariner thus publicly profess- 
 ing Christ increased the interest which was begin- 
 ning to be felt in behalf of this class of our fellow men. 
 Not long before, a " Seamen's Friend Society" had been 
 formed, a sail-loft procured, the Bethel flag raised, the 
 sailors collected, and the gospel plainly preached to 
 them. When it was known that the master of a ship 
 had joined the church, several began to inquire, whether, 
 as they too were sinners, the gospel was not needed by 
 them ; and those who had never before heard the gospel, 
 cheerfully attended the meeting that was instituted for 
 seamen. 
 
 Another circumstance occurring about this time had 
 
 its effect. Captain Q , who had retired from the 
 
 active service of the sea, was well known in the commu- 
 nity. During the last war with Great Britain, he had 
 commanded a privateer, took many prizes, and on more 
 than one occasion, displayed remarkable heroism. Like 
 most sailors, he was noble and generous in his feelings, 
 but very hostile to religion. Seeing, at one time, a friend 
 who had lately become pious, reading the Bible, he ex- 
 claimed, "What! Captain D , reading again? If 
 
 you do not take care, that book will yet be the ruin of 
 
 you." — " No ! Captain Q , it is making me happy ; 
 
 it is taking away from me all fear, and giving mc peace 
 of conscience ; and it will make me happy in the world 
 
60 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to come." — " Nonsense ! taking away fear ! I have no 
 fear ; I am not afraid of death — I have faced it too often 
 at the cannon's mouth ; nor of hell ; nor of the Almighty 
 himself." — It is remarkable then, when he came to die, 
 which was not long afterwards, all his boasted courage 
 departed ; peculiar fearfulness came on him ; the most 
 horrible dread overwhelmed him ; God seemed to reveal 
 himself in all his majesty, and the dying man cried out, 
 " Oh ! he is too great — he is too great for me !" — " It is 
 a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God !" 
 
 Circumstances of this kind so tended to enlist the 
 sympathies of the community in favour of seamen, that 
 the society renewed its exertions with unusual encour- 
 agement. Amidst vicissitudes of prosperity and declen- 
 sion, it has at last succeeded in erecting a " Mariner's 
 Church," an ornament to the place in which it is located, 
 and a blessing to many that are ready to perish. Who 
 knows what a connexion there may be between the erec- 
 tion of this church and the prayers of Captain R . 
 
 In preparing for his departure, it was truly gratifying 
 to see the desire which this new convert evinced to be 
 useful; procuring Bibles, tracts, and other good books 
 to carry with him to his destined port, the island of Bar- 
 badoes. — " They need," said he, " such books there, for 
 they are very ignorant and irreligious, and I may do 
 some good by distributing them. How they will be sur- 
 prised to see the change in me : I hope that I shall be 
 faithful, and by my conduct subdue their prejudices 
 against religion, and conciliate their affection to it ; that 
 I shall show the light of truth, and the power of love; 
 that I shall be the instrument of drawing some of them 
 to Christ. How much courage and patience do I need !" 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 6l 
 
 I asked liim what course he intended to pursue on board 
 the ship ? He replied, "I shall have no swearing among 
 the men, check other vice and immorality ; daily read 
 the Scriptures, when the weather permits ; and oh ! that 
 I could pray with them — but that I cannot yet do ; but 
 I will pray in secret for them, and I hope that my 
 prayers may be answered." 
 
 We took leave of him as the vessel departed, com- 
 mending him and the crew to the care of that God, who 
 " holdeth the winds in his hands;" and who " bringeth 
 them that go down to the sea in ships unto their desired 
 haven." 
 
 About eighteen months after this, the captain was 
 again with us, having visited several West India islands 
 since his departure. It was pleasant for him to return 
 to the place where he first had a sense of his guilt, and 
 found forgiving mercy ; where he first came out from the 
 world into the church, and professed to be a li\dng mar- 
 t3^r for Christ ; where he had received so much commu- 
 nion with God and his people. It was also truly grati- 
 fying to us to see him ; to behold him " steadfast and 
 immoveable" in the cause he had professed ; to view him 
 a witness of the promise, " I will never leave nor forsake 
 thee ;" to have exhibited the living testimony of the 
 truth, that Christ's grace is sufficient for his people. It 
 was pleasant to hear him recount the many scenes 
 through which he had passed since he left us ; the dan- 
 gers to which he had been exposed ; the trials which he 
 had endured ; the temptations which he had encountered ; 
 the seasons of communion which he had enjoyed with 
 the friends of the Redeemer ; the instances of conversion 
 of which he hoped that he had been the instrument — all 
 4* 
 
62 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 showing the power of faith, and testifying that he was 
 " following on to knoAv the Lord." He spent only one 
 Sabbath with us, and then departed. 
 
 Since that time I have never seen him, nor heard any 
 particular tidings of him. Whether he be tossing on the 
 troubled ocean of life, or have attained the haven of eter- 
 nal rest, I know not. This I know, that he was a mon- 
 ument to the Lord's praise ; that he bore the impress of 
 tlie Saviour's image on his heart, and exhibited the marks 
 of Divine grace in his life, with peculiar simplicity and 
 unfeigned sincerity. 
 
 Some useful reflections are suggested by this brief 
 history. 
 
 1. We are taught by narratives of this kind the dif- 
 ferent ways in which persons are brought to a knowledge 
 of the truth. 
 
 Who would not suppose that the seaman whose conver- 
 sion we have considered, the man profane and wicked, 
 who had sinned against so much religious instruction, 
 would have been overwhelmed with an awful dread of 
 future punishment ; would have exclaimed in agony, 
 ^' Who can dwell with the devouring fire ? who can en- 
 dure everlasting burnings V But he seems not to have 
 had any such fears ; at one time he lamented that he 
 felt not this dread, erroneously thinking that it was ne- 
 cessary to salvation. There was little of the terrors of 
 Sinai attending his change — no thunders of the law — no 
 violent alarms of conscience ; on the contrary, from the 
 very commencement, he was encouraged ; from the earli- 
 est dawn of conviction he hoped that " the good work 
 which was begun in him would be carried on unto the day 
 of Jesus Christ," 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 63 
 
 In every age, God has various ways to " make his 
 people willing in the day of his power." Some he en- 
 lightens in a gradual way, and draws with the cords of 
 love ; they calmly hear the " still small voice" of the 
 Spirit, and meekly submit to the authority of Jesus ; 
 while he strikes conviction into the minds of others as 
 with a voice of thunder ; gives them an awful view of 
 the bottomless pit, and brings them to the very verge of 
 despair. Many of the reasons of this difference in the 
 Divine conduct we cannot explain. As God effectually 
 calls whom he will, so he brings them to a knowledge of 
 his salvation in what way, and by what means, he 
 pleases. It is not necessary for one's satisfaction to in- 
 quire, " Have I had great fears of hell? by what means 
 were they wrought? how long did they continue?" but 
 " Do I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ ? have I now 
 the fruits of the Spirit ?" — " Ye are my friends, if ye do 
 whatsoever I command you." 
 
 2. Another truth is taught — the necessity of encour- 
 agement to the sinner J however vicious he may be; how- 
 ever far he may have departed from Christ. 
 
 Such a course was pursued towards the subject of this 
 narrative, when under conviction of sin ; he was told that 
 he should take encouragement from the abundant prom- 
 ises and imitations of the gospel ; that there was no rea- 
 son why he should stand trembling at a distance, as if 
 there were no favour for him, but that in the way of 
 grace he should confidently look for it in the name of 
 Christ. 
 
 Every thing in the word of God and in the nature of 
 man teaches us the necessity of encouraging all sinners, 
 whatever may be their character, to hope in God's mercy ; 
 
64 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to believe that if they trust in Christ, and repent of their 
 sins, they will be saved. There are not a few, I think, 
 who, if they were absolutely sure that God is willing to 
 pardon them, would be induced to turn and seek his mer- 
 cy ; a deep, heartfelt sense of this truth would sustain 
 them in their calamities, and keep them from despair. 
 Many there are, I have reason to believe, who, having 
 long indulged their wicked propensities, and having been 
 the occasion of ruin to others, say with those mentioned 
 by the prophet, " there is no hope ! no ; for we have 
 loved strangers, and after them will we go !" Thus, in 
 a kind of sullen despair, they harden their consciences, 
 to enjoy for a while the pleasures of sin without control 
 or remorse ; perceiving no reason for hope, they endeav- 
 our to discard fear ; having no conception that " there is 
 forgiveness with God" for such enormous offenders, they 
 rush on to ruin. What can tend so effectually to break 
 this destructive snare as the proclamation that the most 
 profligate and vicious have a complete warrant to believe 
 in Christ ? What affords so firm a foundation for hope 
 under bloody and " crimson" sins, as the fact that the 
 grace of Christ is absolutely free, confined to no rules, 
 and acting as it pleases 1 The affectionate preaching of 
 such doctrine by Whitefield was the means of touching 
 the hearts of the poor colliers at Kingswood — the repeat- 
 ed annunciation of the same truths by Rowland Hill found 
 its way to the affections of the sailors at Portsmouth ; 
 in both instances they were encouraged, under the char- 
 acter of vile and perishing sinners, at once to rely upon 
 Christ, assured that in so doing, they would not be dis- 
 appointed. Let sinners of every class and description 
 be made to know that there is pardon for them, full and 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 65 
 
 free pardon, if they believe and repent ; that if disposed 
 to turn unto God, tlie gracious invitations of Scripture ; 
 the assurances of Christ's power and willingness ; the 
 declarations of the infinite fulness of his atonement, inter- 
 pose between them and despair ; between them and per- 
 dition. — " The Lord taketh pleasure in them that hope 
 in his mercy.^^ 
 
 3. What encouragement is given to pious parents 
 who faithfully perform their duties to their children. 
 
 The parents of the subject of this narrative had care- 
 fully attended to his religious education from his earliest 
 childhood to his departure from their house. But they 
 lived not to see their labours blessed, and the image of 
 God impressed upon the heart of their child ; they were 
 taken from the world, and he was left, a stranger to Di- 
 vine grace, profaning the name of his Maker, scoffing at 
 the religion of his fathers, and encouraging others in 
 guilt. But after he had for years rushed heedlessly for- 
 ward in the path of folly and vice, he was arrested by 
 Divine mercy, and made a trophy of sovereign love. 
 Who will not suppose that the many prayers which his 
 father and mother had offered were then heard ; and that 
 by turning unto the Lord, he bestowed on them sensa- 
 tions of joy, greater even than the}^ would have felt had 
 they in life seen him walking in the paths of holiness ? 
 Such joy the good Hezekiah must have had in the realms 
 of bliss, when his son Manasseh repented of his sins, and 
 gave to the pious father the assurance that he would 
 meet him before the throne of glory. Let considerations 
 like these encourage pious parents to be faithful to their 
 children ; to exercise over them a wise discipline, give 
 them religious instruction, illustrating their precepts by 
 
6Q PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 personal example, and often pray to God for a blessing. 
 Their efforts for a time may appear to fail of success ; 
 tliey may be tried to the very utmost by the evil disposi- 
 tions and conduct of their offspring ; but they have no 
 reason to despond. This is not the only instance that 
 teaches us that early impressions and convictions of con- 
 science have lain dormant for years, and at last have re- 
 vived into gracious maturity ; that pious instructions, 
 given in youth, neglected and forgotten, have, in some 
 hour of calamity, been forcibly brought to remembrance 
 by the Holy Spirit, and produced a true and saving con- 
 version. — " I will be your God, and the^ God of your 
 seed after you," is the gracious assurance given to those 
 parents who trust him in faith and patience. Hear it, 
 ye praying fathers and mothers, for " the promise is 
 unto you and your children,^^ 
 
 3. Let this narrative lead to greater efforts for the 
 salvatio7i of seamen. 
 
 Here is presented an interesting instance of conversion 
 among a portion of our fellow men, considered until lately 
 the most unpromising subjects of Divine grace. It is a 
 matter of astonishment and delight to contemplate such 
 an example of devoted piety ; and yet it is only one of 
 many instances that have recently occurred among this 
 class of the community. The efforts made for their 
 moral improvement have been particularly honoured, and 
 have resulted in the salvation of hundreds and thousands. 
 Let this good cause have a larger share of the sympa- 
 thies of Christians in every part of tlie world ; let it call 
 into requisition every energy of their souls ; impel to 
 severer duties, incite to greater sacrifices, and lead to 
 more humble, ardent, persevering prayer. Then the 
 
THE SCOTTISH SEAMAN. 67 
 
 traveller, as he crosses seas and ooeans, will find in every 
 vessel an altar erected to the blessed Redeemer ; on every 
 coast, sanctuaries consecrated to the living God ; in every 
 port, hymns of gratitude and praise vibrating upon his 
 ear. 
 
68 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 THE DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 
 
 — " He came to cheer 
 The broken-hearted ; to raise up the sick ; 
 And on the wandering and benighted mind 
 To pour the hght of truth." 
 
 While subject to all the ordinary afflictions of life, the 
 Christian has other sources of sorrow unknown to the 
 world. Among these is the apprehension of his safety 
 before God ; the most perplexing doubts respecting his 
 religious character, and distressing fears concerning the 
 foundation of his hopes. Some of the best people of God 
 have here been peculiarly tried, and have found from 
 experience that it is the severest affliction that could 
 befal them. To " w^alk in darkness and see no light," 
 is indeed distressing to those who sensibly feel their de- 
 pravity, perceive the extent of the Divine law, appreciate 
 the value of the human soul, and know the danger of 
 coming short of salvation. In comparison with this, all 
 other trials seem light. They could support with firm- 
 ness every trouble of life, were they but certain of their 
 eternal safety ; endure the frowns of men with compo- 
 sure, w^ere they conscious of the favour of God ; support 
 willingly '' these light afflictions which are but for a 
 moment," were they confident that they w^ould " w^ork 
 out for them an exceeding and eternal weight of glory ;" 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 69 
 
 suffer death with tranquillity and triumph, were they 
 assured that they " would be for ever with the Lord." 
 • Various are the causes of this spiritual darkness. In 
 the instance which I am about to mention, its continu- 
 ance for a considerable time, was owing to the want of 
 proper means to dispel the darkness and receive light 
 and comfort. 
 
 The person thus aflQicted, was a female member of the 
 church of which I was pastor, well educated and intelli- 
 gent, consistent in her conduct, exemplary in all the 
 relations of life, even eminent for her humility, penitence, 
 watchfulness, tenderness of conscience, and zeal for the 
 salvation of others. But her cheerfulness was not in 
 proportion to her other attainments, nor her joy com- 
 mensurate with her spiritual progress. On the contrary, 
 she was afflicted by a religious depression that was truly 
 lamentable ; and while all her friends had the firmest 
 confidence in her piety, she was "writing bitter things 
 against" herself ; while they were presenting her as a 
 model of what was " pure, lovely, and of good report," 
 she was doubting whether she had ever been " renewed 
 in the spirit of her mind ;" whether her penitence and 
 faith were genuine ; whether her hopes for eternity were 
 any thing more than a splendid delusion. 
 
 In my first visits to her, I said but little respecting the 
 state of her mind and the cause of her feelings ; anxious, 
 if possible, to ascertain, without any direct enquiry, the 
 origin of her darkness and doubts. I in time learned 
 tbat in her excessive dread lest she should come short of 
 heaven, and her anxious solicitude to ascertain whether 
 she was in a state of acceptance with God, or under the 
 condemnation of the law, she was constantly searching 
 
TO PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 into the evidences of a state of conversion ; that in her 
 religious reading, next to the Bible, the books which 
 fully treated on such subjects, she most frequently read ; 
 that one book, excellent in itself, and containing much 
 valuable religious casuistry, she assiduously studied ; 
 and that day and night she intensely examined those 
 parts that relate to the work of grace in the heart. But 
 all this reading and scrutiny had no effect in removing 
 her darkness or taking away her doubts. 
 
 After much reflection, I determined to have an unre- 
 served conversation with her on the subject. I observed 
 that it was evidently the privilege of all Christians to 
 enjoy Divine consolation ; that religion was not a vexa- 
 tious burden, or an irksome task, but intended to be the 
 comfort of our lives and the joy of our hearts ; that God 
 is " the God of all comfort ;" that Christ is styled " the 
 consolation of Israel," and the Holy Ghost " the Com- 
 forter ;" that the gospel is " the joyful sound ;" that 
 " the fruits of the Spirit are joy and peace." 
 
 '' I am sure of it," she replied, " and it is the reason 
 why I am anxious to know with certainty whether I am 
 a child of God, and entitled to the promises ; with such 
 knowledge I shall be happy." 
 
 " It is most desirable knowledge. I cannot conceive 
 of any thing more afflictive than suspense on this subject ; 
 a continued doubt whether our final portion be in the 
 regions of misery, or the mansions of glory." 
 
 " You think, then, that assurance can be attained 1" 
 
 " Certainly — it can, and has been attained by saints in 
 all ages. David could say without any doubt, 'the 
 Lord is all my salvation, and all my desire — the Lord is 
 my shepherd, I shall not want — bless the Lord, ! my 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. Tl 
 
 soul who forgiveth all thine iniquities.' Habakkuk 
 could say, ' the Lord God is my strength.' — Can you 
 imagine that now, in the days of the gospel, when our 
 advantages are greater, and our light clearer, our com- 
 forts should be fewer ? Christians in the apostolic age 
 could say, ' we know that we have passed from death 
 unto life;' they were free from that uneasiness and 
 doubt which too much characterize believers of our day. 
 It is true, there were then^ as now, hypocrites and self- 
 deceivers ; but real Christians seemed to enjoy uniform 
 assurance of faith and hope ; this firm persuasion of their 
 acceptance they possessed, not because they were exposed 
 to persecution, and needed peculiar supports ; not be- 
 cause they lived nearer the time of the Redeemer's death, 
 but because they had stronger faith, and relied more 
 simply upon Christ's righteousness ; and just in propor- 
 tion as we imitate them in this respect, will practical 
 religion advance in our hearts." 
 
 " You do not mean to say that freedom from doubts 
 is essential to salvation, and necessary for the existence 
 of true faith ?" 
 
 "By no means — I have known several of God's chil- 
 dren who are in a much better condition with regard 
 to his favour than they themselves believe ; several 
 who are, in my estimation, smcerely 'righteous,' for 
 whom ' light is sown,' truly ' mourning' over sin, for 
 whom 'joyful gladness is prepared,' sufiering 'the spirit 
 of heaviness,' who through eternity will be clothed with 
 ' the garments of praise.' I believe that God loves 
 them, and Christ intercedes for them, though they are 
 under the constant influence of misgiving fears ; else 
 whence this searching of heart, this acknowledgment 
 
72 PASTORAL REMINTSCENCES. 
 
 of guilt, this self-condemnation, this thirst after par- 
 doning and sanctifying grace? — But do not these per- 
 sons deprive themselves of the richest source of com- 
 fort, as long as they suffer these doubts to remain? 
 Are there not several duties which they can scarcely 
 perform ; several graces which they can hardly exercise, 
 in an habitual state of suspense and uncertainty? How 
 is it possible to praise God for a favour which we are not 
 certain that we have received? Or if a feeble hope 
 mixed with many fears be entitled to devout acknowl- 
 edgment, our praises must be faint and languid, in pro- 
 portion to the mixture of darkness and uncertainty that 
 attends it. Such doubts are not to be ascribed to any 
 deficiency of Scripture, or any want of fulness in Christ, 
 but entirely to ourselves. If this be the case, those ap- 
 prehensions that have given you so much perplexity, and 
 that darkness which has cost you so much anguish, 
 should be regarded as your enemies ; you should pray 
 against them with ardour, and oppose them with resolu- 
 tion." 
 
 " This is what I am endeavouring to do ; but the more 
 I strive, the more I experience every thing of a distress- 
 ing nature. I seek God by prayer day and night, but 
 he still hides his face from me ; I read his word, and 
 find there much to aggravate my distress, but little to 
 give me comfort ; I examine myself by marks of a con- 
 verted state, -laid down by pious writers, and search for 
 the evidences of renewing grace in my heart, but all in 
 vain ; if a glimpse of hope break in upon me, it is only 
 of short duration ; the more I search, the more dark, 
 confounded, and distressed I become. I omit not the 
 means of grace ; but in the house of God, and at the 
 Lord's Supper, the most melancholy darkness rushes 
 
DAUGHTER OF DKJECTION COMFORTED. 73 
 
 into my soul, making me feel that all my worship is 
 only a solemn mockery." 
 
 I deeply felt for her, and expressing my tender sym- 
 pathy, said, " Are you sure that the means which you 
 have used to know your state, and to remove your dark- 
 ness, has been the wisest and the best 1 You look for 
 evidences of grace ; and, from what you say, are doing 
 it in the season of darkness. Is that the season for 
 such search 1 Would you not be naturally led at such 
 a time to have low and imperfect ideas of the character 
 of God ; to consider him rather as breaking than sup- 
 porting the bruised reed, as quenching, rather than 
 revivinf]:, the smokino; flax ? Would there not be such 
 a distrust, misapprehension, and hesitancy as would dis- 
 pose you to look on the dark side ; to regard as counter- 
 feits what might be truly Christian virtues, and to con- 
 sider as restraining, what might be in reality saving 
 grace ? The means which you have taken has perplex- 
 ed, rather than calmed ^^our mind ; cherished, rather than 
 removed, your doubts and fears. Let the marks of con- 
 version be what they please ; they cannot be clearly dis- 
 cerned by 3^ou, and therefore must yield but a feeble 
 evidence ; as you have said, they may give a glimpse of 
 hope which will soon be gone, and succeeded by dark- 
 ness. Such glimmering and precarious evidence will 
 never afford stable hope — much less, permanent and 
 uniform assurance. For years you have tried this 
 method of obtaining comfort ; and instead of finding it a 
 relief, you have found that it has increased your depres- 
 sion, and almost driven you to despair. You are de- 
 siring, (and the desire in many respects is right and 
 good,) to view the image of God clearly impressed upon 
 
74 
 
 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 your heart ; to see more of the saint, and less of the 
 sinner. But jou must be aware that if you were the 
 holiest saint on earth, your personal purity would not, 
 could not, be the ground of your comfort ; the only true 
 foundation is the Lord Jesus Christ ; upon him and his 
 righteousness the purest saint must depend as much as 
 the vilest sinner ; and to him the latter is as welcome as 
 the former. In your religious exercises, may you not, 
 without being conscious of it, be relying in some degree 
 upon your own righteousness ; building your comforts 
 and hopes so much upon the evidences of grace as to 
 overlook the great Redeemer 1 May you not be mingling 
 with this ' sure foundation,' as the apostle expresses it, 
 some ' wood, hay, and stubble,' some duties and obedi- 
 ence of your own, forgetting that Christ gives what we 
 ask, only ' through the riches of his grace.' Chris- 
 tians, as well as awakened sinners, are liable to self- 
 righteousness ; there are few in whom the legal principle 
 does not, at times, more or less operate ; and I can con- 
 ceive of a person in your situation so anxious to deter- 
 mine his state in the sight of God, as to employ means 
 not perfectly agreeable with the free graces of the Re- 
 deemer; so wholly engaged in proving his character 
 consistent with a state of grace, as to be diverted from 
 that grand object to which he should first and principally 
 look — the atonement and everlasting righteousness of Je- 
 sus. Now let me recommend you to cease looking at 
 yourself, and to turn your eyes entirely from your past 
 experience ; it will be of little value to you to reflect that 
 there was a time when your frame of mind was more 
 tranquil than it now is, when the candle of the Lord 
 seemed to shine brightly upon your head, and when you 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 75 
 
 were supported by the unclouded anticipations of eternal 
 glory ; you want a surer ground of dependence than 
 your own variable feelings ; than any thing which you 
 possess. Take another method, which is agreeable to 
 the advice of Scripture ; ' who is among you that walk- 
 eth in darkness and hath no light ? let him trust in the 
 name of the Lord, and stay upon his God."' 
 
 " Do you mean," said she eagerly, 'Hhat in order to 
 ascertain my condition, I should cease to examine myself, 
 and compare my character and conduct with the eviden- 
 ces of graced" 
 
 " You have already done that ; and you have not ad- 
 vanced a single step towards your desired object; you 
 have sought comfort in sanctification and have failed; 
 let me now advise you to seek it in justification,^^ 
 
 " What do you mean 1" 
 
 " I mean that you should cease entirely to search 
 through your past life for evidence of piety; in your 
 present situation, whatever others may see, you cannot 
 find it. You have been reading, thinking, hearing, 
 praying, and examining yourself, and yet you are no 
 nearer to happiness than when you commenced ; there 
 is no peace nor rest to your soul. Now give up entirely 
 the point of proving yourself a child of God as a medi- 
 um of comfort." 
 
 " Give up !" she feelingly exclaimed, " give up seek- 
 ing, examining myself, the use of such means of grace — 
 it will be giving up my salvation !" 
 
 " No ! it may be the means of giving you a bright 
 hope, and even an assurance of your salvation. If you 
 cannot come to Christ as a saint and receive comfort, 
 come to him as a sinner^ and accept pardon ; if you can- 
 
76 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 not, after the most diligent enquiries into the evidences 
 of grace, approach God as one of his renewed people, 
 then draw near, as to one from whom all renewing grace 
 and its evidences flow. You are a sinner !" 
 
 "I am — I feel it; a guilty, polluted, perishing sin- 
 ner, without help in myself ; and among other sins, what 
 criminal unbelief and self-righteousness have I been 
 guilty of, so dishonourable to God, displeasing to Christ, 
 and injurious to myself ; by such iniquity I have made 
 myself of all creatures the most miserable." 
 
 " I need not tell you of the facts and doctrines, decla- 
 rations and promises of the Gospel ; not declare that they 
 are free and open to all without exception who desire 
 salvation ; nor say that faith is neither more nor less 
 than a sincere crediting of the truth of the declaration, 
 and a firm reliance upon the promise connected with it — 
 you know all these things. Go then to Christ, and make 
 a renewed, or if you choose so to call it, an entirely new 
 surrender of yourself to him ; exercise strong faith ; say 
 not, it may be that the Lord will receive and welcome 
 me, and therefore I will try, but go, as you are recom- 
 mended by the apostle, 'boldly ;' go to him poor and 
 needy, destitute and wretched — his heart is free, his 
 arms are open — he will not reject you because of your 
 past provocation and present corruption — he will rejoice 
 to receive you. When you have obtained from him par- 
 don and hope, banish for ever all doubts and fears ; con- 
 tinue to exercise a firm and unshaken persuasion of your 
 reconciliation with God through Christ Jesus. I do not 
 think that assurance is essential to faith, but I do think 
 that if one has the latter, he will desire and aspire after 
 the former; that if he use the right method, he will at- 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 77 
 
 tain it, and that the best means, in most cases, and cer- 
 tainly in yours, is ' looking unto Jesus,' rather than 
 searching for renewed qualities in the soul." 
 
 After a pause of a few minutes, she exclaimed : " As- 
 surance is a great blessing ; to say without doubt ' Christ 
 and the benefits of his purchase are mine ; the Holy 
 Spirit, w^ith his influences, is mine ; heaven, with all its 
 glories, is mine' — what a privilege !" 
 
 " And what hinders you and me from possessing it, if 
 it be the result of strong and unwavering faith in Christ ? 
 We have a warrant for it, the best of warrants — the gift 
 of God. It does seem to me to be intimately connected 
 with the faithful performance of every Christian duty. 
 How can we ' rejoice in the Lord,' if unbelieving doubts 
 predominate — how ^ walk worthy of God who hath called 
 us to his kingdom and glory,' unless assured that he has 
 effectually called us — how ' abound in the works of the 
 Lord,' unless we have an animating prospect of a glori- 
 ous resurrection — how ' be followers of God, as dear 
 children,' unless Ave can say with filial confidence ' Ab- 
 ba Father' — how ' cleanse ourselves from all pollution 
 of the flesh and spirit,' unless we have an assured reli- 
 ance upon those ' precious promises which are given us 
 in Christ Jesus' — how pray ' with boldness, and have ac- 
 cess Avith confidence,' ' nothing doubting,' unless we have 
 this inestimable blessing — how ' have communion and 
 felloAvship Avith God,' if there be even a suspicion of his 
 alienation from us ; if there be not a confident assurance 
 of his reconciliation to us, and our reconciliation to him ? 
 Such confident persuasion is honourable to God, and 
 gives to him the highest glory ; it is also pleasing to 
 Christ, for nothing delights him so much as confident 
 5 
 
78 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 trust in him ; so grieves liim as to be compelled to say 
 to his children, ' O ! fools, slow of heart to believe— why 
 are ye fearful, O ye of little faith V " 
 
 " But is this blessing as much prized, and as earnestly 
 sought as its importance requires '?" 
 
 " It is not — it is to be grievously lamented that such 
 numbers have lived so many years since Christ called 
 them by his grace, and have spent their lives doubting ; 
 they thus began their Christian course — they thus prose- 
 cute it — and they, at last, thus die. We have an ex- 
 press command, ' Give all diligence to make your calling 
 and election sure;'' it is a duty, therefore, as well as a 
 blessing ; and if it were more regarded as an obligation, 
 it would oftener be attained as a privilege. The expres^ 
 sion ' give all diligence ' implies that it is a difficult duty. 
 To trust in an unseen God, to believe in his unchange- 
 able love, when we see only frowns ; to confide in his bare 
 word, when we perceive no prospect of immediate per- 
 formance, is no easy thing. Too many Christians, from 
 the neglect of this duty, have their love cooled and their 
 comfort diminished ; their doubts subject them to that 
 ' fear which hath torment,' produce unfruitfulness, and 
 impoverish the whole soul. Exercise then a strong, im- 
 movable, and triumphant faith ; wdth a firm hand lay 
 hold of the promises which are sealed by the oath of the 
 Father, the blood of the Son, and the witness of the 
 Spirit. Thus believing, you ' will not be confounded ;' 
 you will 'have the witness in yourself;' you will be 
 ' sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise ;' you will per- 
 ceive all your doubts gone. You may afterwards find, 
 as all believers do, your best hours defiled by sinful in- 
 firmities, and your best duties stained with evil imperfec- 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 79 
 
 tioiis ; but yoLi can look to Christ, and be forgiven and 
 sustained. You may have seasons of desertion, but look- 
 ing to Christ will make them transient. You will have 
 many duties to perform, many temptations to resist, 
 many corruptions to mortify, and many graces to culti- 
 vate ; but look to Christ, and you can obtain all needful 
 succour." 
 
 I ceased speaking. After a pause of some minutes, 
 she said : " Is this all the advice which you give ? How 
 different from what I have been accustomed to. I liave 
 been instructed by others, and by the books which I have 
 read, to look at my feelings and conduct ; to enquire in 
 what manner I performed this duty, and in what way I 
 resisted that temptation ; whether this evidence of con- 
 version be seen in my life, and that proof of repentance 
 be apparent in my heart. Your counsel is different." 
 
 " It is the only advice which I can give. I repeat it ; go 
 to Christ, compare your sins with his blood, your wants 
 with his fulness, your unbelief with his faithfulness, your 
 weakness with his strength, your inconstancy with his ever- 
 lasting love. One glimpse of him by faith, one kind word 
 from his lips, one smile of his countenance, one token of 
 his love, in this your day of darkness and doubt, will cheer 
 and refresh your soul more than all the services in which 
 you have been engaged. He is the crown of crowns, the 
 glory of glories, the heaven of heavens, ' all and in all ;' 
 and if you seek for light and satisfaction in any thing but 
 in him, you will be like the men of Shechem, who forsook 
 the sweetness of the fig-tree and vine for the bramble 
 which consumed them. I leave you, saying, that though 
 your comfort is gone, the author of your comfort lives — 
 appeal from a Godangry^to a God appeased — appeased 
 
80 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 in Christ Jesus ; and though your candle is put out, God, 
 I trust, will light it again, and make it burn more brightly 
 than ever." 
 
 I left her, commending her to Him who " is anointed 
 to give the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of 
 praise for the spirit of heaviness." Visiting her some 
 days afterwards, I was gratified in finding her calm and 
 quiet — ^her simple, child-like trust in that Saviour who 
 had " borne her griefs, and carried her sorrows," did for 
 her soul what all her efforts, sincere and long continued, 
 could not accomplish. 
 
 " I have learned," said she, " a lesson which I hope I 
 shall never forget, that a spirit of dejection is not a spirit 
 of humility^ for true humiliation urges to Christ, and 
 throws the soul at his feet ; I find that a great part of 
 my trouble has arisen from a mistaken apprehension of 
 the Saviour, that I have judged of him by my sense, not 
 by his promise ; by my OAvn frame, and not by his un- 
 changing character ; I am now fully convinced that I can 
 obtain peace and joy, not by looking inward and examin- 
 ing my heart, nor by inspecting my duties, in the best of 
 which I discover many flaws ; but only by repeatedly and 
 incessantly looking to Christ, in whom I see my sins for- 
 given, and my person accepted — he is the sun of right 
 eousness that must daily enlighten and enliven me, or I 
 shall again be in darkness ; my food on which I must 
 continually live, as the Israelites subsisted on the manna 
 from heaven, and the water from the rock. God help- 
 ing me, I will never hereafter rely on any thing of my 
 own, either for present joy, or future glory ; I know from 
 experience, that to rest upon the elevation of my spirits, 
 or the enlargement of my devotion, is to build _upon a 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 81 
 
 foundation which cannot abide ; but Christ is a ' rock' 
 that ' standeth fast for ever ;' amidst all changes, he is 
 invariably the same ; his promises are yea and amen — he 
 ever lives, ever loves, ever pities, ever pleads. If I 
 cannot shine as a saiiit^ I will beg as a sinner; I want 
 nothing and ask nothing but what he who ' cannot lie' 
 has promised, and what is confirmed in Jesus Christ, the 
 true and faithful witness." 
 
 " You speak of changes — you will have them ; the 
 Christian's sky is never long clear and without clouds ; 
 changes of way and weather must be expected of ' stran- 
 gers and pilgrims' who are journeying to heaven. But 
 the promise never changes, and if you ever think that it 
 fails, be assured that it is only because your faith is 
 feeble ; like a giddy man who, standing upon an elevated 
 rock, thinks that it shakes and totters, when the tremour 
 is only in his own limbs. In your access to Christ, ask 
 frequently, and for the greatest blessings. This access 
 is different from the intercourse which you have with 
 earthly friends. You are welcome to them, when you 
 visit them occasionally, and ask small favours; but if 
 you go daily, solicit great things, and increase your re- 
 quests, they will quickly grow weary of you. But what 
 said Christ to his disciples ? ' Hitherto ye have asked 
 nothing in my name ; ask, and ye shall receive, that 
 your joy may be full.' Had they not already asked 
 great things — that he would expound his word to them ; 
 teach them to pray ; increase their faith ; but all this 
 was as nothing to the Sa^^our, compared with the great 
 things which they needed, and which he was ready to 
 bestow — ' ask still more, and ye shall receive more, even 
 till your wants be full.' Observe what he requires ; he 
 
82 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 would have you ask and expect great things. Faith and 
 prayer, and praise, will widen your heart to receive more 
 and more of Christ's fulness. ' Believing, ye rejoice 
 with joy unspeakable and full of glory ;' if you would be 
 'joyful in hope,' then, as the means of attaining it, be 
 steadfast in faith." 
 
 I frequently saw her after this conversation, and 
 although, for a time, there were appearances of her 
 former depression, as the water of the sea is not imme- 
 diately stilled, but moves and trembles after the storm 
 is over; yet at last she became habitually calm and 
 peaceful; and whenever she felt her heart hard, and 
 dead, and sad, she at once looked to Christ, and found it 
 to be softened, quickened, and comforted. She always 
 acknowledged that the method employed to remove her 
 darkness was the only one that with her could be effect- 
 ual ; and that when she became wholly discontented with 
 herself and her duties, she was led renewedly to believe 
 in Christ, and was sustained. Such a course she often 
 recommended to her pious friends, urged its importance, 
 and said, " We cannot lay too much stress upon faith, 
 provided its nature be well understood; it is a vital, 
 operative, victorious principle — all things are possible to 
 him that belie veth." 
 
 We may derive from this little incident some profita- 
 ble instruction. 
 
 1. It should lead us to sympathize with such of God^s 
 children as walk in darkness and see no light; who are 
 "cast down and disquieted within them;" in whose 
 heart God is, though they see him, and feel him, and 
 hear him not. There are such, like the person whom 
 we have been contemplating, who " go mourning," not 
 
DAUGHTER OF DEJECTION COMFORTED. 88 
 
 only " all the day," but all the year " long ;" who have a 
 wounded spirit torn with apprehensions of the malignity 
 of sin, the dread of the displeasure of the Almighty, and 
 the awful fear that they may be given up by him to the 
 tyranny of their corruptions. When the sun is eclipsed, 
 all nature appears to mourn ; so when the beams of God's 
 countenance no longer shine upon his saints, all is gloomy; 
 every thing without has a melancholy aspect, indicative 
 of the dismal darkness within. For them, the ordin- 
 ances of religion have no sweetness — prayer no delight — 
 the word of God no satisfaction — mercies no impress of 
 a Father's love. They seem almost to sip of that cup 
 which the Son of God drank to its very dregs. Surely 
 such persons should be the objects of our tenderest 
 sympathy, and the subjects of our affectionate prayers. 
 '' Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith the Lord." 
 
 2. The means by which the subject of this narrative 
 obtained light and joy ^ comfort and assurance^ is worthy 
 of notice. She relinquished entirely the point of proving 
 herself a child of God as a medium of comfort ; and when 
 she discovered nothing in her heart and life which de- 
 served the name of holiness^ she cast herself as a help- 
 less sinner upon Christ, and believed that his blood could 
 cleanse her from her sins. Now is not this usually the 
 best means of dispelling the spiritual darkness of the 
 Christian, removing his painful doubts, and relieving his 
 burdened conscience'? I mean, not to discourage self- 
 examination, a most useful and essential duty ; nor to 
 reject all evidences of grace ; marks and signs of piety 
 derived from the work of sanctification in the soul. But 
 may not the continued reference to these e\^dences, and 
 the use of no other means, tend, as in the case before us, 
 
84 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to perplex the trembling soul, and actually to increase 
 doubts and fears'? Why should Christians lose their 
 time, and embarrass their minds in such methods, when 
 there is such a direct, certain, and compendious way of 
 obtaining peace by at once receiving Christ and his mer- 
 its ? Whether their doubts be well or ill founded, they 
 see the door of mercy opened, and all the blessings of the 
 gospel presented to them as sinners ; they have a war- 
 rant to receive them — it is their duty and their privilege. 
 Let them trust in the all-sufficient Saviour who is free 
 for the acceptance of all ; and learn that the foundation 
 of their comfort lies, not in any good works to be per- 
 formed by them, nor any consciousness of their sincerity, 
 nor any experience of a work of grace upon their heart, 
 but entirely in the promise of Christ, and the testimony 
 of God in the gospel. If they can find no evidences, let 
 them make them ; let them at once act faith in Jesus 
 Christ, and they will have the best evidence in the 
 Scripture, for " whosoever helieveth on the Son of God, 
 hath everlasting life^^^ 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 85 
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 
 
 — " How beautifully falls 
 From liuman lips that blessed word, Forgive." 
 
 No duty is more frequently enjoined in Scripture, than 
 love to man ; it is made the identifying mark of the dis- 
 cipleship of Jesus, the evidence of regeneration, and the 
 test of character at the judgment-day. For the credit 
 of religion, the honour of the Redeemer, and the good of 
 the world. Christians should cultivate to a high degree 
 this heavenly grace ; exhibit the spirit which shone so 
 brightly in the author of Christianity, and put forth the 
 excellencies of love in all their vigour, fulness, and har- 
 mony. Every faithful pastor will delight to promote 
 this pure and godlike temper ; as a man and a preacher 
 of love, he will exemplify it both by his discourses and 
 his example ; sensible how much it is connected with his 
 usefulness, he will labour to bring his flock into the 
 closest union ; and if he see a pure, refined, pervading 
 sympathy among them, he will rejoice, " thank God, and 
 take courage." But on the contrary, how much is his 
 heart grieved, if he see them in any degree alienated 
 from each other, estranged by cold and distant formali- 
 ties, di\dded and contentious, evincing a spirit of rancour 
 and malice ! No duty is more painful and difficult to 
 him, than to reconcile such differences ; often does he 
 
86 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 fail, and exclaim with the Psalmist, " I labour for peace, 
 but when I speak unto them thereof, they make them 
 ready to battle." But if he persevere in the spirit of 
 wisdom and forbearance, he may attain the fulfilment of 
 the promise ; " Blessed are the peacemakers, for they 
 shall be called the children of God." Happy will he be, 
 if he can persuade any to love their enemies, and to bury 
 in forgetfulness all their hostilities. 
 
 An instance, not to be forgotten, of an injury received 
 by one of the members of the church of which I was 
 pastor, led to the following interview and conversation. 
 
 He had been falsely reproached, and greatly calumni- 
 ated — accused of things which he had never done, injured 
 in his property and prospects, and made to feel that 
 his character was in danger of being seriously affected. 
 He was a man of warm temperament, and perhaps at 
 this time kept not as strict a guard over his feelings as 
 he should have done. He sent for me a few days before 
 the Communion. I found him so much under the influ- 
 ence of strong excitement in remembrance of his injury, 
 that for a 'minute or two he could utter nothing ; at 
 length, becoming calm, he said, " You have heard all 
 that has occurred ; I have been injuriously used, and 
 cruelly treated, without provocation or cause ; I have 
 sent for you to enquire whether in these circumstances, 
 I should on the next Sabbath partake of the Lord's Sup- 
 per." 
 
 " If you are sure that you have no hatred or ill-will 
 towards those who have offended you, I should advise 
 you to come ; it is an ordinance well calculated to calm 
 the mind, and, exhibiting Christ as dying for his ene- 
 mies, to inspire us with something of his spirit. But I 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 87 
 
 am free to say, that the hands .which are to be lifted up, 
 and the hearts that are to be brought to the Lord's table 
 must be ' without wrath ;' those who are living in anger, 
 who are implacable and unmerciful, proud and resentful, 
 unwilling to ask, and reluctant to grant forgiveness, have 
 ' no part in this matter ;' they have a temper which 
 utterly excludes them — if they be deficient in a spirit of 
 charity, and suffer the venom of malice to rankle in their 
 hearts, they cannot spiritually eat of the Lord's body, 
 nor have communion with him at his feast, nor partake 
 of his benefits." 
 
 " I hope that I do not belong to the number of the 
 malicious, though I confess that I am very much hurt — 
 it is a severe trial to be so treated, and by some who 
 professed to be my friends." 
 
 " It is indeed a trial ; but we should recollect that the 
 servants of God, in all ages, have been reproached and 
 slandered. How falsely Joseph was accused by the wife 
 of Potiphar, David by Doeg, and Job by his pretended 
 friends ! Nabotli was accused of blasphemy, Elijah of 
 being ' the troubler of Israel,' Jeremiah of being the 
 instigator of sedition, and Paul and his fellow apostles of 
 being the deceivers and deluders of the people. You 
 know how greatly reproached, falsely accused, and cru- 
 elly persecuted, was our blessed Redeemer. Indeed, I 
 suppose that there is no Christian who will not have 
 cause, sooner or later, to say, ' false witnesses did rise 
 up ; they laid to my charge things that I knew not.' 
 The reliorion of Jesus could not exist in the world, unless 
 his disciples were patient in bearing reproaches. With 
 respect to those who have injured us, we have, from our 
 Saviour, express direction of the manner in which we 
 
88 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 should treat them. — ' I say unto you, love your ene- 
 mies.' " 
 
 " Love them ! how can I do if?" 
 " You can, my friend, the grace of God assisting you ; 
 it has been done by others ; it is now done by thousands 
 of Christians who have made this high attainment, and 
 are enjoying the fruit of it, a calm peace of mind. But 
 do not misunderstand the duty; it is not, of course, a 
 love of complacency, like that which you have for your 
 relatives and friends ; not a love of esteem, which arises 
 from a perception of the excellencies of character — this 
 would be a contradiction to nature and reason — but a 
 love of benevolence, which inclines us to seek the happi- 
 ness of our enemies, and to promote their welfare ; to do 
 them such beneficent offices as are within our power ; to 
 return good for evil, kindness for injuries, favours for 
 provocations. Nothing is intimated which requires ap- 
 probation, good opinion, esteem, or complacency. Many 
 from wrong conception of the duty, and the misrepre- 
 sentation of it to themselves and others, have supposed 
 that it was beyond our reach in the present state of 
 human nature, and have exclaimed in despair, ' it is im- 
 possible to perform it.' But as I have defined it, there 
 is nothing but what is purely magnanimous ; nothing 
 that is inconsistent with the prevention or reparation of 
 injuries ; nothing which forbids us to provide for our 
 safety, or preserve our rights ; nothing which prevents 
 us from thinking of men as they appear in their charac- 
 ter and actions, and commending or condemning them, 
 according to the judgment of truth, equity, and candour. 
 Whatever their character or actions may be ; whether 
 they be worthy of esteem or disesteem ; whether they be 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 89 
 
 righteous or unrighteous, peaceable or turbulent, kind 
 or cruel, we are bound to exercise towards them the sin- 
 cerest benevolence." 
 
 " But how is this benevolence evinced ? what is im- 
 plied in it ?" 
 
 " It implies the banishment from the heart of all ill- 
 will and rancour ; of that ' leaven of malice' of which 
 the apostle speaks ; and which is so termed, because it 
 ferments and spreads, sours the temper, and affects the 
 whole soul. There are those who show no enmity by 
 words or actions, who secretly indulge a malicious spirit, 
 brood over their injuries in wrathful silence, and inwardly 
 desire the destruction of those who have inflicted them. 
 What mortal enemies to themselves are such men ! we 
 might as well expect quietude and comfort in a haunt of 
 banditti, or in a den of wild beasts, as in such hearts. 
 To love our enemy is, as far as possible, to be kind to 
 him. If we meet him, and pass him by with manifest 
 scorn, delight in talking of his failings, and lowering 
 him in the estimation of others, show ill-will to his rela- 
 tives on his account, watch for an opportunity to perform 
 some little act of annoyance towards him, and feel grati- 
 fied at the thought that we have given him pain or 
 trouble, we show no benevolence ; we indulge a spirit of 
 revenge. If we take delight in his misconduct ; in view- 
 ing him blasting his reputation, and ruining his interest ; 
 in seeing himself injured in the way in which he injured 
 us ; we do not exercise benevolence, but unkindness and 
 revenge. If you would obey the precept of the Saviour, 
 you must act in a manner just the reverse. Is your 
 enemy sick and languishing, and is it in your power to 
 cure him'? you are bound to be concerned for his ill- 
 
90 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 ness, to provide a remedy, to rescue him from the grave, 
 and to save his life. — Is he defrauded, and in danger 
 of losing his estate? you are not to sit still, and see 
 him ruined, though he is your enemy ; discover the fraud 
 and repel the force ; keep him from poverty ; be as for- 
 ward in the pursuit of the thief who stole his goods as if 
 the injury had been done to your friend or yourself. — 
 Can you raise him to honour and preferment '? Do it ; 
 and if it can be done secretly, and without his knowledge, 
 the more noble and disinterested will be the act." 
 
 " No enemy of mine," said the injured man, " I am 
 sure, would thus act towards me." 
 
 " Grant it — but is your disposition to be influenced 
 and regulated by his temper? If he has acted wrong- 
 fulty, can this be a reason for your acting sinfully ? If 
 he has been unreasonable and perverse, must you follow 
 his example ? His conduct, be it what it may, cannot 
 in any degree cancel your obligations to obey the Sa- 
 viour's command, ' Do good to them that hate you.' " 
 
 " But no opportunity is oifered to me to do good to 
 my enemies ; they are not in poverty and need not my 
 relief, nor in danger and need not my protection, nor in 
 habits of intercourse with me to make known their wants." 
 
 " There is one thing of theirs, my friend, which you 
 have in your possession, which is dearer to them than 
 gold or silver — perhaps than life itself ; in their estima- 
 tion, the brightest jewel in their crown." 
 
 "What is that? I knoAV not that I possess any 
 thing of theirs." 
 
 "It is their character and reputation. Whenever, 
 then, you enquire how you can do good to your enemies, 
 separated, and enjoying no intercourse with them, learn 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 91 
 
 that you can do it by refraining, as far as is consistent 
 with justice, from speaking ill of them ; by keeping 
 silence on the subject of their injuries, if you can say 
 nothing of their virtues. David seemed to act thus ; ' I 
 was dumb, and opened not my mouth' — to complain of 
 God or of his own foes, ' because thou didst it.' It is 
 said of our Saviour ; ' he was oppressed and afflicted, yet 
 he opened not his mouth to complain of his enemies.' — 
 How very valuable is such conduct under provocations 
 and persecutions ! Speak well of your friends — say 
 nothing of your enemies. Who ever injured himself by 
 refraining to speak ill of others ? Be silent, then, upon 
 principle, with regard to your enemies, and often pray 
 with David : ' Keep Thou the door of my lips.' " 
 
 " It will be very difficult, habitually, to say nothing 
 on this subject ; it will need great self-denial and watch- 
 fulness, and require much of the spirit of Him who ' an- 
 swered not a word' to the taunting questions of Pilate 
 and the Jews ; who, ' as a sheep before her shearers was 
 dumb, and opened not His mouth.' I know how useful 
 silence is in repressing anger, and quenching the flames 
 of wrath ; how often it disarms opposition, smoothes irri- 
 tation, and allays resentment. ! that I may from the 
 heart make the resolution of David : ' I will take heed 
 to my ways that I sin not with my tongue !' — But is this 
 all that is comprehended in the command of the Saviour, 
 ' love your enemies,' " 
 
 " No ! it also includes prayer for them ; ' pray for 
 those who despitefully use and persecute you.' By 
 prayer we bring God into the scene, acknowledge that 
 we ourselves cannot do enough for our enemies, and c>ll 
 in his assistance to complete the kindness ; sensible that 
 
92 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 our own means are inefficient, we repair to Infinity, and 
 invoke the Omnipotent, out of his abundant fuhiess, to 
 shed down upon them all temporal and spiritual bless- 
 ings. When we pray for ourselves, w^e are influenced 
 by ^ regard to our own happiness, and may be only 
 under the influence of self-love ; but when we supplicate 
 as earnestly for an enemy as we do for our own souls, 
 and strive with ' strong cryings and tears,' to make God 
 his friend who will not himself be our friend, then we 
 have such a love as reaches to the very heavens. — Be- 
 sides, prayer for a foe, if it be sincere and heartfelt, 
 w^ill be accompanied with eiforts to promote his happi- 
 ness ; if not, it is gross inconsistency, an affront to the 
 throne of grace ; a criminal removal of what is our duty 
 wholly upon another ; is saying, ' God may pardon and 
 relieve you, I will not.' Careful, then, should w^e be, 
 how we pray for our enemies ; careful to have our con- 
 duct to correspond with our intercession." 
 
 " But is not this duty to our enemies to be performed 
 only upon the condition of their repentance 1" 
 
 " ! no ! Did our Saviour wait for the repentance of 
 his enemies before he loved them 1 before he offered that 
 touching prayer, ' Father, forgive them, for they know 
 not what they do?'" 
 
 '' But there is a passage in Luke, which I have always 
 supposed taught the necessity of this condition ; ' If thy 
 brother trespass against thee, rebuke him, and if he re- 
 pent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven 
 times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to 
 thee saying, I repent, thou shalt forgive him.' " 
 
 " This passage, it seems to me, has been much misap- 
 prehended ; and wrongly interpreted, has prevented many 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 93 
 
 from extending love to their enemies. — Forgiveness to 
 others appears to be used in two senses in Scripture. 
 In the first it simply means abstinence from revenge, a 
 general remission of the penalty of the offence ; in this 
 sense it is to be extended to all who are hostile to us, 
 whatever may be their qualities or their conduct. It is 
 used also in a more restricted sense for reconciliation 
 after a breach of friendship. Every thing in the con- 
 nexion, and in the passage itself, implies that the words 
 which you have quoted, should be taken in this latter 
 sense ; that the forgiveness there spoken of, means a 
 reception to our friendship of those who had offended us, 
 a cordial admission of them again to our confidence and 
 affection. For this, they are, of course not qualified, 
 until they acknowledge their conduct, and lay aside their 
 enmity. You are not bound, in this sense, to forgive 
 those who were once your friends who have wilfully in- 
 jured you, until they confess their error, and give indi- 
 cation of repentance. But all this is different from that 
 love which is enjoined by the Saviour ; that good will 
 and benevolence which we should exercise to those who 
 are still our enemies, retain their enmity, and pursue it 
 to our injury." 
 
 " You speak of confessing errors, and asking forgive- 
 ness. Should not Christians be peculiarly attentive in 
 acting thus towards those whom they have injured 1" 
 
 " They should perform the duty promptly and without 
 hesitation. If they have done injury, they should at 
 once repair it ; if they have defamed the character of 
 another, they should immediately remove the cloud which 
 rests upon his reputation. Such restitution is an es- 
 sential part of repentance, and therefore, as necessary 
 
94 PASTORAL REMINTSCENCES. 
 
 for salvation as the restitution of property unjustly ac- 
 quired." 
 
 " If we are to love our enemies only on the condition 
 of their repentance, there would not be much difficulty 
 in performing the duty." 
 
 " Neither much difficulty, nor, it appears to me, very 
 much virtue. Let your enemy come and fall down be- 
 fore you, acknowledge your infallibility, confess that 
 blame is to be imputed entirely to him, humbly beg you 
 to forgive him, and promise never to repeat the act ; and 
 who would not forgive ? who would be so hard-hearted 
 as to refuse to pardon ? — No ! we must love those who 
 are now our enemies, and who, far from repenting, retain 
 their enmity ; do good to those who are not only aliena- 
 ted, but who hate us, and will not lay aside their hatred ; 
 pray for those who are now cruelly persecuting us, and 
 who would take away our character, property and life." 
 
 " It is a hard saying ; who can hear it? a hard com- 
 mand ; who can obey it?" 
 
 " It is. Man is naturally a vindictive being, and con- 
 sequently nothing is more difficult for hini than to forgive 
 injuries ; but it is the command of him who is ' the true 
 and faithful witness,' ' love your enemies ;' and if we 
 have strong affection to him, we may have benevolence 
 to them." 
 
 " We have, I believe, several instances in Scripture 
 of the forgiveness of enemies, showing that the duty is 
 practicable." 
 
 " We have many, and some quite striking. What 
 provocations had Joseph received from his brethren — but 
 he scarcely mentions the crime, so eager is he to an- 
 nounce the pardon ; he said, ' I am Joseph, your brother, 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 95 
 
 whom ye sold into Egypt — now, therefore, be not angry nor 
 grieved with yourselves that ye sold me hither ; for God 
 did send me before you to preserve life.' How fervently 
 did Moses intercede for those who rebelled against him, 
 and threatened to stone him, and how cordially did he 
 forgive them ! How nobly did Paul and his fellow-apos- 
 tles act ; ' being reviled, we bless ; being persecuted, we 
 suffer it; being defamed, we entreat.' Consider Ste- 
 phen dying under the stones which were thrown upon 
 him — he more than pardons — he prays ; he seems to be 
 more concerned for them than for himself; kneeling 
 down he cries, ' Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.' 
 These are only a few of the many example;^ found in 
 Scripture ; but enough to teach you that the duty can 
 be performed." 
 
 " But how much better when there is no occasion for 
 forgiveness. Happy are they who have no enemies." 
 
 " I should rather say, my friend, happy are they who 
 have enemies, and who forgive and love them. They 
 seem to be necessary for us ; they make a strict search 
 into our conduct, discover many imperfections of our 
 temper ; and though they exaggerate them through mal- 
 ice, and set them in too strong a light, yet for what they 
 say there may often be some foundation. We ought not, 
 then, to be entirely insensible to their railings ; for they 
 may say something out of ill-will that may be of impor- 
 tance for us to think of coolly in our retirement ; may do 
 us more good than ill, and lead us to discover something 
 in our dispositions and habits which we had never before 
 perceived. Our friends, like our hearts, often flatter us ; 
 they see not our faults, or conceal them, or soften them 
 by their representations. Our enemies see and under- 
 
96 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 stand more of our imperfections, and uncharitably spread 
 them abroad. The love of the former is blind ; the 
 ill-will and malice of the latter are active, inquisitive,, 
 and quick-sighted. What a blessing to have our eyes 
 opened, to see our defects, even though it be through the 
 instrumentality of enemies ! Unless we had them, we 
 should want the opportunity of displaying our patience, 
 and exhibiting that essential grace. Christian forgiveness. 
 God has permitted them to afflict his children, and they 
 can proceed no farther in their injurious treatment than 
 Divine wisdom allows." 
 
 " Such a view of the subject is calculated to calm the 
 mind ; sincere and heartfelt forgiveness, (if it can be 
 practised,) must be productive of happiness and peace." 
 
 " There is no doubt of it. By the magnanimity of 
 forgiveness and love, we gain a glorious victory over our 
 wrathful and violent passions ; in yielding to which w^e 
 often suffer more than from the injuries which we have 
 received. But if we indulge our resentment, we put it 
 in the power of our enemy to gall and embitter our 
 mind — he fixes a dart within us which in vain we endeav- 
 our to pull out, and by every effort which we make to 
 extract it, we exasperate and inflame the sore. It has 
 often been said, ' revenge is sweet,' but to a calm, con- 
 siderate, and pious mind, patience and forgiveness are 
 infinitely sweeter, and afford more rational, solid, and 
 durable enjoyment. ' There is no torment in love.' 
 To be ' kindly affectioned' towards all, to bear no ill- 
 w^ill, and indulge no malice — this is peace of mind — this 
 is happiness. How calm, composed, and cheerful is that 
 heart, where forgiveness of injuries is. the presiding spirit; 
 where love to God has produced benevolence to man, and 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 97 
 
 subjugated the temper to the obedience of charity ! 
 Surely, we cannot be indifferent to our own comfort ; we 
 cannot regard it as a matter of no moment, whether our 
 bosom be the seat of quietude or agitation. Surely, if, 
 as Christians, we desire the testimony of adoption, strong 
 faith and love, growth in grace, joy and peace in believ- 
 ing, we must cultivate this spirit of forgiveness." 
 
 '' I desire all necessary information on this subject — 
 are there any other precepts in Scripture relating to it?" 
 
 " There are many, besides the command of the Sa- 
 viour. ' Be ye kind, tender-hearted, forgiving one 
 another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven 
 you; be ye therefore followers of God, as dear chil- 
 dren.' — ' If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heav- 
 enly Father will also forgive your trespasses ; but if ye 
 forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heav- 
 enly Father forgive your trespasses.' — To keep this 
 duty always fresh upon our minds, our Redeemer incor- 
 porates it in the Lord's Prayer ; and if from our hearts 
 we do not forgive our enemies, every time we use tliis 
 prayer we imprecate eternal perdition on our souls. 
 ' Put on, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, 
 bowels of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, meek- 
 ness, long-suffering, forbearing one another, and forgiv- 
 ing one another, if any man have a quarrel against any ; 
 even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.' — 'Dearly 
 beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place 
 unto wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine ; I will 
 repay, saith the Lord : therefore, if thine enemy hun- 
 ger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink; for by so 
 doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not 
 overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.' " 
 
98 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 " ' Heap coals of fire on his head !' — this, it seems to 
 me, is the infliction of the severest punishment, rather 
 than the conferment of benefits." 
 
 " No ! the expression imphes not an evil but a bene- 
 ficial eft'ect. It is supposed to be a metaphor taken from 
 the smelting of metals when the ore is placed into the 
 furnace, and fire put both under and over, that the metal 
 may be melted ; and therefore teaches us, that kind 
 treatment will have a gracious influence upon our enemy, 
 and be the means of melting down his heart into peni- 
 tence, gratitude and love. — ' Overcome evil with good ;' 
 that is, however frequently your adversary may grieve 
 or injure you, always pay him with benefits. An enemy 
 is more easily overcome by kindness than hostility. 
 Against the latter, he arms himself, and summons all 
 his power ; but when he views the former, and sees his 
 adversary returning good for evil, and blessings for 
 curses, his mind relaxes, his wicked passions have no 
 longer an incentive, his turbid feelings are calmed, rea- 
 son predominates, conscience is permitted to speak, he 
 is disarmed, and the weapons fall from his hand ; he be- 
 holds, in him whom he has injured, a magnanimity which 
 leads him not merely to cease his insults, but to wonder 
 and admire. The kindness of David overcame Saul, and 
 the meekness of Jacob melted the heart of Esau. O ! 
 my friend, how noble and dignified it is to be thus supe- 
 rior to all injuries and insults !'' 
 
 " It is, indeed. Would that I could attain such a 
 spirit — that by my patience, forbearance, and kindness, 
 I could subdue my enemies ! How superior is the spirit 
 of love to that of revenge !" 
 
 " But as, I trust, you will go to the table of the Lord 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 99 
 
 on the next Sabbath, it is desirable that you should 
 especially contemplate the example of the Saviour, and 
 be influenced by a sense of his grace to forgive your ene- 
 mies. His love, beyond any thing else — beyond all sim- 
 ple instructions, all abstract reasonings, all awful threat- 
 enings — invites, urges, constrains to the performance of 
 this duty. He endured every kind of insult when he was 
 on earth ; but when ' reviled, he reviled not again, but 
 committed himself to him who judge th righteously.' 
 When engaged in the discharge of his ministry, he was 
 accused of the greatest crimes, and branded with the 
 blackest names. At the close of his life, he was appre- 
 hended as a traitor, and condemned as a malefactor. 
 His executioners poured contempt upon all his venerable 
 offices ; as a king, they derided him by putting a mock 
 sceptre into his hand, and crowning him with thorns, 
 instead of a diadem ; they vilified his prophetic office by 
 covering his eyes, striking his head, and asking in cruel 
 derision, ' who is it that smote thee V they cast reproach 
 upon his priestly undertaking, when, with malicious irony, 
 they exclaimed, 'he saved others, himself he cannot 
 save.' To render his infamy public, they hung him 
 upon the cross, and exposed him to the gazing eyes and 
 contumelious scoffs of spectators ; yet he bore it all pa- 
 tiently, and ' opened not his mouth.' At the closing 
 scene, he did ' open his mouth ;' and did he ask that the 
 thunders of God should be sent forth, and blast his ene- 
 mies to endless perdition '? No ! lest the judge of all 
 should pour upon them his fury, he cried, ' Father, for- 
 give them, for they know not w^hat they do.' Here 
 learn your duty to your enemies. You have said that it 
 is a great injury which you have received ; but how tri- 
 
100 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 fling^ compared with what the Son of God endured ! 
 You complain that it was inflicted by the hand of those 
 whom you trusted and lOved ; but what was your most 
 ardent affection in comparison with what Jesus felt for 
 his murderers ! You speak of your injuries being multi- 
 plied, reiterated, and persevering ; but the Saviour was 
 pursued with ferocious cruelty from the manger to the 
 cross. Say, 
 
 ' Wow let my pains be all forgot, 
 
 My heart no more repine ; 
 My injuries are not worth a thought, 
 
 When, Lord, compared with thine.' " 
 
 Our conversation on this subject now ceased. I wished 
 to direct his attention to the duties preparatory to the 
 Lord's Supper, and to their necessity for a profitable com- 
 munion. I remarked that the experience of all true 
 Christians testifies, that when they entirely omit these 
 duties, or perform them with indifference, they derive 
 little or no benefit from the ordinance ; and on the con- 
 trary, the same experience testifies that when at the 
 sacrament they find a reconciled God and a present Re- 
 deemer ; when they feel the Divine love shed abroad in 
 their hearts, and an anticipated heaven in their souls ; 
 when they find their holy desires strengthened, and their 
 pious resolutions confirmed ; when they are lifted above 
 the world, and have high communion with God, such 
 seasons were preceded by a preparation that was strict, 
 and a self-examination that was deep. — Among other 
 duties which with us frequently preceded the Commu- 
 nion, was the religious fast. I always liked the prac- 
 tice ; and though I had difliculty in persuading the whole 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 101 
 
 church, as such, regularly to observe it ; in influencing 
 the merchant to close his counting-room, the mechanic 
 his shop, and others to lay aside their secular business ; 
 yet the day was usually announced, with the expectation 
 that as many as possible would religiously, though pri- 
 vately, regard it as a season of humiliation. I have 
 reason to know that the most devout and spiritual mem- 
 bers did observe it with profit to themselves and benefit 
 to the church, when performed not in a legal manner, or 
 for self-righteous ends ; and when they confided for accept- 
 ance, not in their preparatory duties, but only in the 
 righteousness of the Lord Jesus Christ. 
 
 I said to him : " Let me urge you to attend to 
 these preparatory duties to-morrow, and on the next 
 day, when others will miite with you: look into your 
 heart, your life, your motives ; think of all the cir- 
 cumstances connected with your difierences with oth- 
 ers ; learn to forgive your enemies ; supplicate for them 
 the Divine blessing, for nothing tends more efiectually to 
 subdue our resentment for particular persons than pray- 
 ing for them by name ; remember, for your encourage- 
 ment, what the apostle said, and use the same language, 
 ' I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth 
 me ;' depend on him ; perform your duty in his strength, 
 petitioning, expecting, and waiting for his grace ; and it 
 will not be withheld from you." 
 
 After a little time, he observed : '^ My understanding 
 is convinced ; I know that it is my duty to forgive and 
 love my enemies ; but my heart is so selfish, and so ready 
 to resent unkindnesses, that nothing but Divine grace can 
 subdue it. Pray for me, that I may ' forgive others their 
 trespasses, e veil as my Heavenly Father forgives me.' " 
 6 
 
102 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 I left him, and found him on the next Sabbath at the 
 Lord's table. The season was one of interest and 
 solemnity. The " constraining love of Christ" was ex- 
 hibited, and seemed to melt the hearts of believers ; to 
 confirm their faith, enliven their hope, enlarge their 
 charity, and quicken their languor ; Jesus manifested 
 himself to his children in " the breaking of bread," com- 
 municated to them his favour and grace, righteousness 
 and spirit, while they communicated to him their thanks- 
 giving and acceptance, penitence and love. The for- 
 giveness of injuries was alluded to in the discourse ; but 
 in the address at the table was in this manner urged 
 and enforced : 
 
 " My brethren, in partaking of this feast of love, 
 remember what Jesus did for his foes, and learn to for- 
 give and love your enemies. The sufferings which he 
 endured, produced not insensibility to the interests of 
 those ungrateful men who had inflicted them ; the voice 
 of charity was heard from him, and the words which 
 proceeded from those lips that were ready to breathe 
 their last sigh, were, ' Father, forgive them, for they 
 know not what they do.' They deserved a different fate. 
 If the murder of a fellow creature is considered a most 
 heinous offence, what vengeance must not those have de- 
 served, who slew ' the Prince of life V From this ven- 
 geance Jesus lifted up his voice to save them ; he asked 
 the pardon not only of this sin, but of all their other 
 offences ; they had treated him as a criminal — he prayed 
 that they might find acceptance in the sight of God ; 
 they were exulting in his destruction — he desired to 
 rejoice in their salvation. When men forgive their ene- 
 mies, it is often when they have lost all power of aveng- 
 
THE INJURED xMAN SUBDUED. 103 
 
 iiig themselves ; but Jesus could now have sent forth his 
 lightnings and scattered his foes. Men are sometimes 
 prompted to forgive by the appearance of repentance in 
 the person who has injured them ; but the lips of Christ's 
 enemies were, at this moment full of cursing and bit- 
 terness. Think of the time when our Lord ofiered this 
 prayer. In the first moments after we have been injuredj 
 resentment is strong ; we can think of nothing but the 
 ill usage which we have received ; and at once to forgive 
 those who have treated us so unworthily, would appear 
 to many as an act of meanness and injustice ; time must 
 be given for the tempest of passion to subside, ere the 
 still small voice of reason and charity can be heard. 
 But it was immediately after our Lord was fixed to the 
 cross, that he offered up the prayer ; the hills around 
 Jerusalem had scarcely ceased echoing back the cry, 
 ' Away with him, away with him ; crucify him, crucify 
 him,' when he said, ' Father, forgive them.' — Let this 
 prayer of a dying Redeemer incline you to exercise the 
 spirit of forgiveness. What fellowship have the unfor- 
 giving, malicious, and revengeful, with such a Saviour 1 
 and where, in their conduct, is any conformity to his 
 death ? — Say not, ' I have not deserved the ill usage 
 which I have met with V Did your Saviour deserve the 
 insults which were heaped upon him ? — Say not, ' Must I 
 give my enemy such triumph over me?' In forgiving 
 him, you ' heap coals of fire on his head ;' you turn his 
 enmity into kindness. — Say not, ' The spirit and the max- 
 ims of . the world are opposed to this temper.' I know 
 it, but 'ye are not of the world, even as Christ is not of 
 the world.' Shall the derision of fools have more power 
 over you than the prayer of a dying Saviour ? Your 
 
104 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 own peace will be promoted bj this spirit of benevolence ; 
 for no passion tortures the heart like revenge. ' Blessed 
 are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.' Delay 
 not this duty — at once suppress all resentful feelings. 
 Pride may demand the submission of an enemy, ere you 
 love him ; but shall Christian charity suffer such a coun- 
 sellor to direct or impede her movements ? Let us all 
 possess this forgiving spirit before we lay hold of the 
 consecrated symbols. We are of the number of those 
 enemies for whom Jesus died, for whom he prayed, and 
 Avhom he has reconciled to God. Place yourselves in 
 imagination between your Saviour on the one side, and 
 your enemies on the other ; listen to him on the cross — 
 view him also on his throne of judgment ; hear him de- 
 claring that those who forgive not .their enemies shall 
 sink into endless despair — then turn to these enemies, 
 and be constrained by the charity and terrors of the 
 Lord, to forgive and love them. Go to the foot of the 
 cross where the bleeding Saviour pronounces the remis- 
 sion of your offences, and there pardon your offending 
 brethren ; there embrace your mortal enemies, and dis- 
 arm them by your tears and love. The same blood 
 which implores pardon for you, demands of you pardon 
 for them ; and if it blot out the offences which render 
 you criminal before God, it should efface all those offences 
 which they have committed against you. Let us all 
 look to Calvary, and while hearing the prayer which 
 Jesus makes for his murderers, let us offer it for our 
 enemies : ' Father, forgive them.' " 
 
 A day or two after the Communion, I saAV the injured 
 and offended man, and found him completely subdued ; 
 ready to extend forgiveness to his enemies ; to love and 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 105 
 
 pray for them, and to do them good. He spoke of the 
 participation of the Lord's Supper as being to him the 
 most profitable season that he had ever enjoyed ; and ob- 
 served : " After you left me last week, when you con- 
 versed so fully on the subject of forgiveness, I saw, in 
 all their force, the motives and reasons of the duty ; but 
 I could not perform it ; there was in me an unaccounta- 
 ble reluctance to forgive, but a reluctance which was my 
 burden and grief; though I wept and struggled with it, 
 the demon of resentment maintained his place in my 
 heart. It was not until I came to the Lord's table, and 
 was deeply sensible of his love in dying for sinners, and 
 praying for his murderers, that I felt wrath entirely 
 driven from my heart, and that I was able fully to for- 
 give and love those who had injured me. I find that 
 there is nothing so well calculated to touch the soul, to 
 strike all the springs of action, and to afiect with persua- 
 sive energy, as the love of Christ. When that was ex- 
 hibited and applied by the Holy Spirit, every power of 
 my soul seemed to spring forward to glorify the Re- 
 deemer. I thought, ' Did he who is high above all height, 
 humble himself to be made of a woman, and born in a 
 stable, that he might admit me into the family of God ; 
 and shall I ever look down with contempt upon others, 
 or entertain of myself haughty and arrogant thoughts ? 
 Was all manner of evil spoken of him — his name vilified 
 by blasphemous tongues — his conduct blackened by the 
 foulest aspersions ; and shall I be unwilling to bear re- 
 proaches and persecutions, and to bear them, as he did, 
 with patience and meekness? Did he lay down his 
 precious life for his enemies ; and shall not I suffer for 
 my enemies all that is required, and learn, like him, to 
 
106 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 rejoice in conferring benefits upon them 1 Did he, when 
 contending with innumerable woes upon the cross, pray 
 for his executioners, and shelter them against the Divine 
 anger ; and shall not I offer the same prayer, ' Father, 
 forgive them.' — Such were my thoughts and meditations 
 at the Lord's table, and, through the grace of the Re- 
 deemer, I forgave from my heart all the wrongs and 
 injuries which had been done to me ; and through the 
 same grace, I hope to carry out in my future conduct 
 the principles there felt, the vows there made, the pray- 
 ers there offered." 
 
 I replied to him : " I do not wonder at the effect which 
 the love of Christ has had upon you ; it has always had 
 an influence in promoting the practice of piety. When 
 it is shed abroad in the soul by the Holy Spirit, it dif- 
 fuses itself through every faculty, and extends to every 
 duty, until the whole heart is filled with the image, and 
 the whole conduct regulated by the law of love. Try, 
 now, to be reconciled to your enemies- — make every rea- 
 sonable sacrifice for this object ; but if they refuse all 
 overtures, remember that they cannot injure you, if God 
 be your friend. They cannot erase your name from the 
 book of life, suspend the influences of heaven, exclude 
 the comforts of the Spirit, deprive you of the hopes of 
 glory, or wrest from you your faith or love. They will 
 indeed injure you if they can inspire you with revenge, 
 and thus cause you to offend God ; but if you from the 
 heart forgive and love them, they are harmless, and 
 only claim your compassion and prayers. Though their 
 injuries may strike and even wound you, yet these 
 wounds will not fester nor corrupt, will bring little 
 smart with them, readily heal by tlie application of 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 107 
 
 Christian forgiveness, and leave behind them no visible 
 scar." 
 
 "I hope that I shall learn hereafter to keep a strict 
 guard over my conduct ; to gain that forbearance of dis- 
 position which allows of no irritation ; to acquire that 
 command not only over my words and actions^ but over 
 my feelings and emotions, that shall make me patient 
 amidst insults and injuries; in short, as the apostle 
 says, 'to be angry, and sin not;' for I suppose that 
 anger is a lawful passion when rigidly restrained and 
 regulated." 
 
 " If it is ever allowable, it must be only under very 
 peculiar circumstances, (circumstances not likely often 
 to occur,) and even then in none but those who have at- 
 tained great mastery over themselves. It may possibly 
 be allowed as a principle^ but the moment it becomes 
 SbjJctssion it is sinful ; persons therefore of an irritable 
 temper should never permit themselves to be angry at 
 all, for they can never be -so but in a degree immode- 
 rate and unreasonable. Very few ought to attempt it ; 
 it requires not only greatness of soul, but high eminence 
 in piety. It may always be exercised safely against 
 ourselves ; here we cannot be guilty of undue severity, 
 or of manifesting our feelings without cause. — What 
 is the experience of the Christian in the indulgence of 
 anger towards others '? Seldom is his conscience in per- 
 fect peace after the exercise of this passion ; he feels 
 that it is too high a stimulant for his mental constitu- 
 tion ; that he needs something to calm and quiet him ; 
 that he is degraded in the estimation of himself, and 
 lessened in the esteem of others ; that he is even de- 
 prived of til at honourable badge by which he is distin- 
 
108 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 guished from the world. To be a peacemaker ; to be 
 more ready to chastise his own faults than those of 
 others ; to return blessing for cursing, and to be clothed 
 with humility — these are the things which distinguish 
 him from a votary of the world. If others perceive that 
 we are easily actuated by the risings of anger, they will 
 take knowledge of us that we ' have been' any where 
 and with any one but the meek and lowly Jesus. — In a 
 world like this, it is exceedingly desirable that Christians^ 
 by subduing the passion of resentment and cultivating 
 the affection of benevolence ; by exhibiting the true dig- 
 nity of religion and soaring above the petty irritations of 
 life, should be careful to excite no open hostility or op- 
 position. It is agreeable to what the apostle says : ' If 
 it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably 
 with all men' — though it be but barely possible, we should 
 labour after it and be at peace with all, whether they 
 may, or may not be, at peace with us. In consequence 
 of the peculiar dispositions of men, enemies will natu- 
 rally rise up even against those who act as wisely and 
 prudently as possible. Friendship is a plant that needs 
 to be cultivated with great care ; but enemies, like 
 weeds, voluntarily spring up, without culture or toil. 
 Let us not add to the number by our folly and miscon- 
 duct ; let us do nothing to excite the ill-will, and rouse 
 the enmity of others. ' He that is slow to anger is bet- 
 ter than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than 
 he that taketh a city.' — Let us avoid, as far as possi- 
 ble, the company of passionate men. We learn the 
 manners and drink in the spirit of those with whom we 
 are conversant; like the chameleon, we take a tincture 
 from that which is near us. The wise man's advice is 
 
 V 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 109 
 
 therefore salutary : ' Make no friendship with an angi-y 
 man, and Avith a furious man thou shalt not go ; lest 
 thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.' Let 
 the meek and lowly be our chosen companions ; we shall 
 learn from them that none live so happily as those who 
 have the go-vernment of their passions ; that none are so 
 amiable as those who have the ornament of a meek and 
 quiet spirit. If, in performing our duties to our fellow- 
 men, we were to act upon the rule which our Saviour 
 prescribes, ' Do unto others as you would have others do 
 to you,' how happy and useful should we be ! It is a 
 rule which is easy to be understood ; which carries with 
 it great evidence to the conscience ; which, when ap- 
 plied, secures our neighbour from injury and ourselves 
 from guilt ; which is calculated to awaken us to repent- 
 ance when we have transgressed it ; which extends to all 
 ranks and characters of men. Its observance would 
 teach us tenderness to the unhappy ; incline us to re> 
 prove with gentleness and punish with mercy ; dispose 
 us never to censure others without just reason, or pub- 
 lish doubtful suspicions of their guilt. ! what a lus- 
 tre would be cast on the religion of Jesus and all its 
 professors, if this rule were generally observed ! But 
 alas ! it lies silently in our Bibles, and we hear it not ; 
 or in our bosoms and we awake it not ; we read it in 
 Scripture and do not remember it, and daily injure our 
 fellow-men without remorse. ! that the spirit of God 
 would write this sacred law of justice more deeply and 
 effectually on the tablets of our hearts ; that the religion 
 of Jesus might look like itself, all amiable and holy !" 
 
 We had some further conversation on the character of 
 those who had injured him, and the means which might 
 6^ 
 
110 PASTORAL REMTNrSCENCES. 
 
 be prudently employed to effect a reconciliation, and 
 then separated. For several years I continued my ac- 
 quaintance with him, and found that he succeeded in 
 subduing his naturally hasty and violent temper ; that 
 he triumphed over his adversaries by disregarding their 
 injuries, or returning kindness for insults ; that he had 
 acquired such a habit of self-control that he never spoke 
 till he was cool, saying, the man who commands his 
 tongue has no difficulty in _S[overning his temper. He 
 attributed this victory to the frequent contemplation of 
 the character of Christ, and the influence which the 
 Saviour's dying love had upon his soul. 
 
 1. We perceive from the circumstance here related, 
 how difficult a duty it is for a Christian to forgive 
 his enemies. He who had for many years been a disci- 
 ple of Jesus, acknowledged that it was the most difficult 
 moral duty to which he had ever been called ; that after 
 he was convinced of its justice he found that he was 
 averse to its performance ; that he knew that it required 
 all the humility, faith, and self-denial of which he was 
 capable, to bring down his spirit to the Saviour's com- 
 mand ; and that for many days he was engaged in this 
 painful and continued contest, before he yielded. None 
 but they who have the mind and spirit of Jesus can 
 obey the precept, " love your enemies ;" nothing but 
 supreme affection to God, implanted by the Holy Spirit, 
 can inspire men with such benevolence as to enable them 
 to obey a command so insupportable to corrupt nature. 
 It is a lofty eminence, which cannot be reached without 
 constant and laborious climbing ; a duty that cannot be 
 performed without much resolution and watchfulness, 
 many " strong cryings and tears" at a throne of grace ; 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. Ill 
 
 much self-sacrifice and painful mortification of the sins 
 of the heart. But " through Christ strengthening" it 
 can be performed ; many instances of the dead and the 
 living attest it. — It is related of Sir Matthew Hale that 
 an enemy who had done him much injury once applied 
 to him for legal advice in the settlement of his .estate. 
 He gave the advice, and when a fee was ofiered, refused 
 it. When afterwards asked how he could use one so 
 kindly v/ho had wronged him so grievously, he replied, 
 " I thank God that I have learned to forgive and love 
 my enemies." — It was said of Archbishop Cranmer : 
 " Do my Lord of Canterbury an injury, and you make 
 him a friend as long as you live." — The testimony of 
 Bishop Burnet respecting Archbishop Leighton is well 
 known : " After an intimate acquaintance with the 
 archbishop for many years, and after being with him by 
 day and by night, at home and abroad, in public and in 
 private, I must say that I never heard an idle word drop 
 from his lips ; 1 never saw him in any temper in which 
 I myself would not wish to be found at death." — 
 It is recorded of Fletcher of Madeley : " He was by na- 
 ture a man of strong passions, and prone to anger in 
 particular ; insomuch that he has frequently spent the 
 greater part of the night bathed in tears, imploring vic- 
 tory over his own spirit ; and he did not strive in vain. 
 He did obtain the victory in' a very eminent degree ; 
 yea, so thoroughly had grace subdued nature, that for 
 many years before his death, I believe that he was never 
 observed by any one, friend or foe, to be out of temper 
 on any provocation whatever." — The exhibition of for- 
 giveness and benevolence in the last hours of Thomas 
 Scott I have always admired, and am never weary in 
 
112 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 reading. " His mind," says his biographer, " dwelt 
 much upon love ; God is love, and he that dwelleth in 
 love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Faith w^orketh 
 by love. He seemed full of affection and tenderness to 
 all around him. ' One evidence,' he said, ' I have of 
 meetness for heaven. I feel much love to all mankind — 
 to every man upon earth — to those who have most op- 
 posed and slandered me.' To his servant he said, ' I 
 thank you for all your kindness to me ; if at any time 
 I have been hasty and short, forgive me, and pray to 
 God to forgive me ; but lay the blame upon me, not 
 upon religion.' His tender affection for us is astonish- 
 ing in such a state of extreme suffering, and cuts us to 
 the heart. He begged his curate to forgive him if he 
 had been occasionally rough and sharp. ' I meant it 
 for your good, but like every thing of mine, it was mixed 
 with sin ; impute it not, however, to my religion, but to 
 my want of religion.' He is so gentle and loving — it is 
 so delightful to attend upon him — that his servants, find- 
 ing themselves in danger of contention which should 
 wait upon him, agreed to take it by turns, that each 
 might have her due share of the pleasure and benefit ; 
 and yet he is continually begging our forgiveness for his 
 want of patience and thankfulness. His kindness and 
 affection to all who approached him were carried to the 
 greatest height, and showed themselves in a singularly 
 minute attention to all their feelings, and whatever might 
 be for their comfort, to a degree tliat was quite affecting 
 — especially when he was suffering so much himself, 
 often in mind, as well as in body. There was an aston- 
 ishing absence of selfish feelings ; even in his worst 
 hours he thought of the health of us all ; observed if we 
 
THE INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 113 
 
 sat up long, and insisted on our retiring ; and was much 
 afraid of paining or huiting us in any way. His Com- 
 mentary being mentioned, he said : ' There is one feeling 
 I cannot have if I would ; those that have opposed my 
 doctrine have slandered me sadly, but I cannot feel an}^ 
 resentment ; I can only love and pity them, and pray for 
 their salvation. I never did feel any resentment to- 
 wards them ; I only regret that I did not more ardently 
 long and pray for their salvation.' " — " Here is the pa- 
 tience of the saints.^^ 
 
 How nearly conformed to his Master was Brainard, 
 and how much of the glory of Heaven was shed down 
 upon him when he experienced what he records in his 
 Diary : "In the evening God was pleased to grant me 
 Divine sweetness in prayer ; especially in the duty of in- 
 tercession. I think that I never felt so much kindness and 
 love to those who, I have reason to think, are my ene- 
 mies — spent an hour in prayer with great intenseness 
 and freedom, and with the most soft and tender affection 
 toward mankind. I longed that those who, I have rea- 
 son to think, owe me ill-will, might be eternally happy. 
 It seemed refreshing to think of meeting them in heaven, 
 how much soever they had injured me on earth ; had 
 no disposition to insist upon any confession from them, 
 in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and 
 kindness to them. ! it is an emblem of heaven itself 
 to love all the world with a love of kindness, forgiveness 
 and benevolence ; to find our souls sedate, mild and 
 meek ; to be void of all evil surmisings and suspicions, 
 and scarce able to think evil of any man upon any occa- 
 sion ; to find our hearts simple, open and free to those 
 who look upon us with a different eye ! My soul rested 
 
114 PASTORAL REMINISCENCKS. 
 
 in, God ; and I found I wanted no other refuge or friend. 
 While mj soul thus trusts in him, all things seem to be 
 at peace with me, even the stones of the earth." 
 
 We cannot forbear mentioning another instance found 
 in " Pierre's Studies of Nature." "- In the last war in 
 Germany, a captain of cavalry was ordered out on a for- 
 aging party. He put himself at the head of his troop, 
 and marched to the quarter assigned him. It was a 
 solitary valley, in which hardly any thing but woods 
 could be seen. In the midst of it stood a little cottage ; 
 on perceiving it, he went up and knocked at the door ; 
 out comes an ancient Moravian, with a beard silvered 
 by age. ' Father,' says the officer, ' show me a field, 
 where I may set my troopers a-foraging.' — ' Presently,' 
 replied the Moravian. The good old man walked before, 
 and conducted them out of the valley. After a quarter 
 of an hour's march, they found a fine field of barley. 
 ' There is the very thing we want,' says the captain. — 
 * Have patience for a few minutes,' replies his guide ; 
 ' you shall be satisfied.' They went on, and at the dis- 
 tance of about a quarter of a league farther, they arrived 
 at another field of barley. The troop immediately 
 dismounted, cut down the grain, trussed it up, and re- 
 mounted. The officer, upon this, says to the conductor : 
 ' Father, you have given yourself and us unnecessary 
 trouble ; the first field was much better than this.' — 
 ' True,' replied the good old man ; ' hut it was not 
 mine.^ " 
 
 This goes directly to the heart, and is an exhibition 
 of the genuine spirit of religion ; a beautiful evidence of 
 that love which is the " fulfilling of the law," and which 
 " seeketh not her own ;" it is Christian benevolence, 
 
THR INJURED MAN SUBDUED. 115 
 
 * 
 
 " the same mind which was in Christ Jesus ^"^"^ having 
 him for the author, and his conduct as the model. 
 
 The man of the world has taken pleasure in resent- 
 ing an injury and exercising revenge, but the " injured 
 man subdued" by the religion of Jesus has forgotten all 
 wrongs and returned good for evil : 
 
 " Some write their ■wrongs in marble — be more just, 
 Stooped down serene gnd wrote tbem in the dust ; 
 Trod under foot, tbe sport of every wind, 
 Swept from the earth, and blotted from his mind ; 
 There buried in tbe dust be let tbem lie. 
 And grieved they could not 'scape tli Almighti/s eye'.'' 
 
 2. JVothing tends so effectually to cherish love and 
 for giveness to enemies as the contemplation of the char- 
 acter and death of the Redeemer. 
 
 The oiFended man, whose conduct we have considered, 
 was convinced that it is one of the first duties of Chris- 
 tianity to forgive those who have injured us ; but he 
 could not, as he acknowledged, be brought to practise it 
 until he beheld Jesus Christ as a model for his imita- 
 tion ; not until he was strongly impressed with a sense 
 of his dying love could he extinguish his resentment and 
 extend pardon to his foes. — Such has always been the 
 influence of the love of Christ ; it persuades when all 
 other arguments are ineffectual — disarms the violent 
 and subdues the stubborn. We must bring our minds 
 under the influence of redeeming grace, ascend the hill 
 of Calvary, and gaze upon that scene of love ; and then 
 our cold affections will melt, our hard hearts soften, and 
 all the cruel selfishness of our nature dissolve into gen- 
 tleness. We have read of martyrs forgiving their ene- 
 mies and praying for them ; but where did they imbibe 
 
116 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 this spirit ? Where did they learn this lesson ? Whence 
 came the generous tear that dropped on the instrument 
 of death, and the dying prayer, " Lord, lay not this sin 
 to their charge?'' The lesson was learned at the 
 cross ; the spirit was the spirit of Jesus, " which 
 wrought" in them "mightily." 
 
 " How hardly man the lesson learns, 
 To smile and bless the hand that spurns; 
 To see the blow, to feel the pain, 
 And render only love again. 
 OiXE had it, but He came from heaven ; 
 Reviled, rejected, and betrayed, 
 No curse he breathed, no plaint he made ; 
 But when in death's dark pang he sighed, 
 Prayed for his mm'derers, and died." 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. HT 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 THE HARDENED CONVICT. 
 
 — " Revenge we find 
 The abject pleasure of an abject mind." 
 
 The minister of Christ should delight to follow the ex- 
 ample of him who came to heal the broken-hearted, to 
 hush the sorrowful sighs of the prisoner, to give deliver- 
 ance to the captive, and the opening of the dungeon to 
 them that are bound. He will gladly enter the prison, 
 and bearing the word of God in his hand, and the mes- 
 sage of salvation on his lips, endeavour to do good to its 
 criminal inmates, sensible that even for these guilty 
 wretches there is plenteous redemption, and that through 
 the agency of the Spirit they may be brought to the 
 light and liberty of the sons of God. How interesting 
 to pious beneficence are such scenes ! Never does the 
 minister of Christ appear more like his Divine Master 
 than when he is spreading blessings through such a 
 receptacle of woe ; conveying religion to minds sunk in 
 ignorance, and stupefied by vice ; softening the hardened 
 heart, awakening the slumbering conscience, exciting the 
 feeling and prayer of penitence, and opening the soul to 
 all the affecting "views of the Gospel. 
 
 Especially do those who have been convicted of a cap- 
 ital offence, and who are under sentence of death, require 
 attention — immured within the gloomy walls of a prison, 
 deprived of liberty, confined to a lonely cell, often loaded 
 
118 
 
 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 with irons, and just about to launch into eternity, they 
 need the sympathy, prayers, and instructions of a 
 Christian teacher. 
 
 Learning that there was a person of this character in 
 prison, who was soon to be executed, I sought an oppor- 
 tunity of visiting the poor criminal. Without difficulty 
 I gained access, and found the convict, a female of about 
 twenty years of age, who had been brought up in great 
 seclusion in the country, and evidently in the midst of 
 much ignorance and vice. She had been tried for poi- 
 soning a family, was found guilty upon the clearest evi- 
 dence, and condemned to be hung in a few w^eks. Her 
 appearance, even at first sight, was disagreeable and 
 repulsive — on a closer view, her countenance disclosed a 
 dark and sullen expression ; while a quick and rapid 
 motion of the eye indicated the existence of inward feel- 
 ings, which no outward art could conceal. 
 
 I commenced the conversation by telling her that I 
 had heard of her situation ; that I truly pitied her ; and 
 had come to endeavour to do her good. 
 
 She replied, " I did not know that there was a single 
 person in the place who had any care or feeling for me. 
 I am glad that you are come, for I am very lonely." 
 
 " I am a minister of the gospel, and would endeavour 
 to benefit your soul. I have enquired into your case, 
 and find that with an impartial trial, with every oppor- 
 tunity of defence, you were convicted of the awful crime 
 with which you were charged, and sentenced to be hung. 
 You have only a little more than a fortnight in which to 
 live ; and all your time should be devoted to preparation 
 for eternity, for there is no hope of your being pardoned." 
 
 This last remark evidently affected her, and led her 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 119 
 
 to ask with earnestness : " ! do you think that there is 
 no hope for me ?- ' 
 
 " No hope from man — no hope of escape from the pun- 
 ishment of death. I have learned all the particulars, 
 and assure you that you must die at the time appointed ; 
 no petitions for your' pardon will have any effect ; what 
 the judge said, when he passed the sentence was true, 
 that there is no hope of mercy for you, but at a higher 
 than an earthly tribunal." 
 
 " But I am not guilty. I never did what they charge 
 me with, but I suppose that I must die. I have no 
 friends to defend me, or who care for me." 
 
 " Yes ! every thing on your trial was done to defend 
 you ; but the evidence of your guilt was so clear, that 
 no one doubted it. You have friends ; we who visit you 
 are interested ; desire your salvation, and wish you to 
 be prepared for another and better world. You have 
 been condemned by an earthly tribunal ; you are also 
 condemned by the law of God ; you are under its sen- 
 tence and curse — ' Cursed is every one that continueth 
 not in all things written in the book of the law to do 
 them.' If one violation of the Divine law expose you to 
 a curse, what a multitude of curses are ready to fall 
 upon your soul ! It was truly awful to hear an earthly 
 judge commanding you to be hanged by the neck until 
 you were dead, how much more terrible to hear the 
 Almighty Judge pronounce that unalterable sentence, 
 ' Depart, accursed, into everlasting fire.' You are soon 
 to suffer the punishment of temporal death, and you are 
 liable to eternal death, the vengeance of the Most High — 
 ' his wrath is revealed from hea-^n against all unright- 
 eousness and ungodliness of men.' Who knows the weight 
 
120 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 and power of the wrath of God 1 At his rebuke, rocks 
 melt — the earth quakes — devils tremble. How can you 
 endure the severity of his vengeance — not only for a day, . 
 a month, or a year, but through the ages of eternity ? 
 Yet this is the doom of those who know not God, and 
 obey not the Gospel. ' Can thine heart endure, or thine 
 hands be strong in the day that I shall deal with thee, 
 saith the Lord of hosts ? I, the Lord, have spoken, and 
 will do it.' " 
 
 I spoke solemnly and earnestly, for I really felt for 
 her ; but I perceived that these awful truths had no 
 effect ; that she hardened her heart against all instruc- 
 tions, warnings, and threatenings. Not objecting to 
 prayer, I commended her soul to God ; but during this 
 exercise, she was as unfeeling as ever — there was no 
 self-reproach, no remorse for the past, no dread of the 
 future. Leaving her, I was painfully dejected, and 
 almost discouraged ; I indeed wondered that one in her 
 state could be so utterly insensible ; one who, in a few 
 days, must be in eternity, and, dying in her present state, 
 must groan under the agonies of absolute despair. 
 
 The next day I again visited her, and found her situ- 
 ation the same, her feelings perfectly callous to all the 
 circumstances in which she was placed. Thinking that 
 she might be an atheist or infidel, I asked if she believed 
 in the existence of a God. She acknowledged that there 
 was a God who had created and preserved, and who 
 would certainly judge her. 
 
 " Do you believe in a future state — that your soul is 
 immortal — that it will live after the body dies '?" 
 
 She answered with emphasis, " Yes, I am sure that 
 my soul will live — they cannot kill that — it will live ; 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 121 
 
 and see and know many things, and be concerned with 
 many persons." 
 
 . After these remarks, she sunk into her usual apathy. 
 I endeavoured to rouse her, and, though painful to me, 
 exhibited " the terrors of the Lord," thinking that these 
 were needed to move and affect her. 
 
 " You say that you believe that there is a God — he is 
 almighty, and cannot be resisted ; holy, and infinitely 
 hates sin ; all-seeing, and perfectly acquainted with your 
 conduct — a God against whom you have sinned ; whose 
 laAvs you have broken ; whose mercies you have despised ; 
 whose spirit you have resisted. By death, which is rap- 
 idly approaching, you will be brought into the presence 
 of this God ; and ! what a death is before you ! Its 
 terrors are increased when it comes by violent means ; 
 by the hand of the executioner, in the sight of gazing 
 multitudes ; and as the wages and desert of your crimes. 
 It is now no time to dissemble ; you stand on the verge 
 of life — the principles of religion require you to confess 
 your guilt— he only who ' confesseth and forsaketh his 
 sins, shall find mercy.' Do not then die with a lie on 
 your lips. You say that your soul is immortal — it must, 
 then, when your body dies, go to heaven or to hell. In 
 your present state, you can have no hope of the former ; 
 and can you think of going to the latter ? Can you form 
 any conception of its torments 1 Can you conceive what 
 horror, anguish, and despair reign in that dreadful place ? 
 The soul is separated from God, who alone can give hap- 
 piness ; and from Christ, who alone is the Saviour of 
 sinners ; and from all hope of restoration to the Divine 
 favour. There is remorse of conscience — a quick and 
 lively remembrance of all that occurred on earth — a 
 
Iii2 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sight, '• though afar ofi",' of the glories of heaven, and 
 an impassible gulf between^the infliction of Divine 
 wrath, termed in Scripture, the ' fierce' and ' everlast- 
 ing' wrath of Almighty God. He has prepared this 
 punishment, and inflicts it upon his enemies — they fall 
 under his strokes — they sufier it without any mitigation 
 or end — they will never be weary of sinning, nor God 
 ever weary of punishing. Can you bear this ? In the 
 language of Scripture, ^ Can you stand before the indig- 
 nation of the Lord ; and can you abide the fierceness of 
 his anger'?' " 
 
 All was in vain — she evidently listened to me — seemed 
 to understand — and may have believed me, but sullen 
 apathy still marked her character ; she had not the least 
 sense of awe for that God in whose presence she was so 
 soon to appear. 
 
 After a pause of some time, I turned to the consola- 
 tions of the Gospel, thinking that if she would not feel in 
 contemplating Jesus Christ as an Almighty Judge, she 
 might be softened by considering him as a gracious Sa- 
 viour. 
 
 " If you should ask if there is any hope of your sal- 
 vation, any possibility of the door of heaven being opened 
 to you, I say that there is hope for sinners ; Christ, the 
 all-glorious Son of God, pitied their deplorable case, and 
 came into the world to relieve them ; nay, he came into 
 their place, and stood in their room. Because we had 
 broken the Divine law, he fulfilled it in all its perfection ; 
 because we deserved punishment, he sustained it in its 
 utmost extremity. He submitted to scorn, reproach, 
 and persecution, though all angels were commanded to 
 worship him ; he was condemned to death, the most 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 123 
 
 shameful and tormenting death, far more shameful, and 
 unspeakably more tormenting, than the one -which you 
 must soon undergo ; he suffered inconceivable pains and 
 anguish in his soul from the indignation of God. Here 
 is your door of hope — if you feel that you are a sinner, 
 a vile and worthless sinner ; that you have not only 
 nothing good, but much and grievous guilt, here in Christ 
 there is hope. He died for the ' ungodly,' the ' unjust,' 
 the Most:' and if you were the very chief of sinners, 
 that might make you unpardonable before man, but 
 would be no difficulty with Christ, and should be no hin- 
 drance to your believing in him. Only come as a poor, 
 undone creature, and you will find him able and ' willing 
 to save, even unto the uttermost ;' for he promises, ' him 
 that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out ;' be his 
 guilt ever so great, I will not reject, nor deny his suit. 
 Go to a great man on earth ; beg him to use his interest 
 in your behalf, and he will take no notice" of you ; go to 
 your earthly jud'ge or governour ; entreat him on your 
 bended knees to pardon you — he cannot — must not — the 
 laws forbid him — not so with Jesus Christ — tenderly 
 compassionate, and infinitely condescending, he invites 
 you to come to him, with the assurance that he will not 
 abhor nor reject you. ^ It is a faithful saying, and wor- 
 thy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the 
 world to save sinners.' He came, not to judge or con- 
 demn ; not merely to teach, but to save — that was his 
 business, to save sinners, the very worst of sinners. It 
 is ' a faithful saying,' God's report and testimony, and 
 therefore one on which you may rely ; it is true, and 
 therefore you may trust it, good, and therefore it de- 
 serves your attention. Observe that it is for great sin- 
 
124 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 ners, for prison sinners, like yourself, for condemned and 
 convicted sinners." 
 
 If I could have seen the least feeling under this exhi- 
 bition of God's love ; the least sympfom of fear, the 
 least pang of conscience, I should have been encouraged ; 
 but no threat of God, no invitation of the Saviour, no 
 consideration of any kind could move her. 
 
 I thought, " Can this be a rational being capable of 
 feeling ? can she believe that there is a God, and that 
 her soul is immortal ? Has the Spirit so long striven 
 with her, and been so long resisted, that he has entirely 
 withdrawn ? If angels can weep, surely their tears must 
 flow in contemplating the carelessness and insensibility 
 of such an undone and ruined being." 
 
 After remaining some time in silence, I felt that there 
 was hope only in God ; and coming to his " throne of 
 grace," entreated him to bring to pass, by his power, 
 what the skill and wisdom of man could not effect ; to 
 open her eyes, that she might see her condition ; to soften 
 her heart, that she might bewail her sins ; to turn her 
 course, that she might flee from the wrath to come ; to 
 reveal to her his character, that she might no longer 
 remain remorseless and unconcerned ; to make her, even 
 at the eleventh hour, a trophy of his rich, free, and sov- 
 ereign grace. 
 
 After the prayer, observing a Bible in the cell, I 
 asked if she could read ; replying in the affirmative, I 
 marked the fifty-first Psalm, the fifteenth chapter of 
 Luke, containing the Parable of the Prodigal Son, and 
 the third chapter of the gospel by John, and entreated 
 her to read them attentively, and to tell me her opinion 
 of them, when I next visited her. 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 125 
 
 When leaving her, I met with the jailer, a pious and 
 devout man, and said to him : " What should we think of 
 that poor criminal ? She is to be hung in a few days, 
 and yet is as insensible as a stone. I have never met 
 with an instance of such perfect apathy. Is she insane 1 
 She cannot be an idiot, for she can read." 
 
 " Did she tell you that she could read ? She has been 
 guilty of deliberate falsehood ; she knows not a single 
 letter ; in my conversation, I have found precisely what 
 you have, such hardness of heart, and searedness of con- 
 science, as make me sometimes think that she is idiotic, 
 and therefore not a fit subject for capital punishment. 
 To-morrow the court will meet to examine that point, and 
 you will be cited as a witness." 
 
 The next day the court did meet ; I testified to her 
 conduct, while I \dsited her ; a physician also was pres- 
 ent, as a witness, who, after closely examining her, 
 expressed his opinion. The court decided without hesi- 
 tation that she was no idiot, but a moral and responsi- 
 ble agent; that the circumstance of her being '^past 
 feeling," instead of a palliation, was an aggravation of 
 her crimes. 
 
 Not long after this, I was again in her cell, urging her 
 to prepare for that death which was so soon to come upon 
 her. When I spoke of its agonies and horrors, its con- 
 sequences here, reducing the body to darkness, inactivity 
 and corruption; its consequences hereafter, conveying 
 the immortal soul into eternity, there was not the least 
 degree of terror or concern. I could not account for it ; 
 I asked myself a hundred times, " Where there is so 
 strange an efiect, what is the cause ? She is no atheist. 
 
126 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 no disbeliever in a future state, no lunatic, nor idiot— 
 what is the cause?" 
 
 I continued visiting her almost daily. When the 
 awful day arrived on which the punishment pronounced 
 upon her was to he publicly inflicted, I was in the prison 
 some minutes before her departure, saw her dressed for 
 the occasion, and found her even cheerful at the prospect 
 of death. She kneeled when I committed her soul to 
 God in prayer, but refused to answer any questions — 
 entered the vehicle that was to bear her to the place of 
 execution, and sat upon her coffin, without emotion ; qui- 
 etly surveyed the crowd as she was going to the gallows, 
 and ascended the scaffold with great composure. Not a 
 nerve in her body trembled. While solemnity was on 
 every countenance, there was none on hers. While all 
 around were weeping, not one tear was shed by her. 
 Just before her arms were bound, her eyes covered, and 
 the fatal cord placed around her neck, the mystery was 
 solved — the oft-repeated question, " what is the causeV^ 
 was answered. She cried with exulting emotion : " J am 
 going to die; and when I am dead, I will haunt that 
 
 man, J T , who was the witness against me 
 
 at the trial, who brought me to this death, I will 
 haunt him every night — Til give him no rest — Vll tor- 
 ment him every way till I kill him; the sooner Pm gone 
 the better — he shall know the worst — he shall know it 
 this very night. ^^ Her eyes glistened with joy while 
 expressing her feelings — her countenance beamed with 
 rapture at the thought of quickly revenging her enemy. 
 She left the Avorld with exultation and triumph. 
 
 A few reflections are added to the foregoing narrative. 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 127 
 
 1. We perceive in it the evil of superstition — of that 
 kind of superstition which leads to the belief that the 
 souls of the dead return to our world, visit their ac- 
 quaintance, retain their former passions, and have the 
 power of avenging injuries. This was the belief of the 
 poor criminal whom we have considered. From her 
 conversation in her last hours, and from what I learned 
 afterwards, it was evident that she fully admitted the 
 reality of spectres and apparitions ; that she had long 
 cherished these delusions of the imagination ; that reared 
 in the midst of ignorance, and deprived of a knowledge 
 of Scripture, she had early imbibed this sentiment, and 
 united the grossest superstition with the wildest fanati- 
 cism. Such superstitious notions were the reason why 
 Divine truth made no impression on her ; vrhy she was 
 regarded by some as an idiot ; and why the crime for 
 which she suffered death was so coolly and deliberately 
 committed. How ruinous to the understanding and heart 
 are such false ideas ! How they enfetter the mind, 
 corrupt the feelings, encourage ignorance, cherish vindic- 
 tiveness, and even deify those passions which are the dis- 
 grace of human nature ! 
 
 2. We see strongly displayed, in the incident related, 
 the nature of revenge. 
 
 There is no passion more hostile to a man's happiness, 
 and more frequently forbidden by reason and Scripture, 
 than this ; and yet there is none to which the depravity 
 of human nature more powerfully incites us. How much 
 blood has been shed by this demon, how many thousands 
 have groaned under the miseries which it has inflicted, 
 what countless multitudes has it converted into ferocious 
 monsters ! In the subject of this narrative, how strong 
 
128 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 was this restless and cruel spirit — what a secret, calm, 
 fixed resolution did she make to avenge herself upon one 
 who she thought had injured her and caused her infamy — : 
 what sacrifices did she make for this purpose, what 
 dark stratagems, gross deceptions, unworthy designs, 
 were perpetrated to effect her object ! Every thing was 
 forgotten but this — God — judgment — ^heaven — ^hell — all 
 were absorbed in this ruling passion. 
 
 The instance of the Spaniard, who sought revenge 
 upon an enemy, and resolved to destroy him, has often 
 been quoted. This enemy, apprized of his design, re- 
 moved to another town at a distance ; but he had been 
 there only a day or two, before he found that his foe had 
 arrived. He removed to several parts of the kingdom 
 remote from each other, but soon perceived that his 
 deadly pursuer was near him. " At last he went to South 
 America, where he enjoyed his security but for a short 
 time ; his unrelenting avenger came, and effected his 
 purpose. This instance, striking as it is, is not so illus- 
 trative of the power of revenge as the one before us, 
 where the subject of this passion cheerfully suffered all 
 the hardship of imprisonment, and on the scaffold panted 
 for death, to satiate her malice, and assail, in a manner 
 more than human, her hated foe. 
 
 Who, in view of the consequences of this passion, will 
 ever harbour a spirit of revenge ; attempt to wrest the 
 sceptre from the hands of the Ruler of the Universe ; and 
 to grasp his right and prerogative of inflicting punish- 
 ment? Why should the soul of any be so infected as 
 never to be happy until he has made another miserable ? 
 
 3. We learn that a calm and happy death is, in itself y 
 710 evidence of a safe departure. 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 129 
 
 The unhappy subject of this narrative, though guilty 
 of awful crimes, had no fear of death, no anguish of con- 
 science, no horror in anticipation of eternity — on the con- 
 trary, she experienced peace in view of her departure, and 
 emotions of rapture at the last moment. This is not a 
 solitary instance ; surprising fortitude at death has been 
 evinced by those who had no knowledge of the Gospel, 
 and no preparation for eternity. The savage Indian, 
 when taken prisoner, often endures without a groan the 
 most excruciating tortures, dares his conquerors, amidst 
 the bitterness of death, to do their utmost, and affects to 
 triumph over every additional pang. It is a proud 
 and determined obstinacy, occasioned by a desire to foil 
 the gratification which a pusillanimous conduct, and an 
 apparent sense of suffering might afford to his tormen- 
 tors ; an obstinacy which yields him a species of mental 
 revenge, when no longer able to exert his physical 
 strength against his foes. Heathen superstition has often 
 led its votary to submit calmly to the severest bodily 
 mortifications, to remain long in postures the most pain- 
 ful, and to cast himself beneath the ponderous car of his 
 infernal idol ; it has caused even females to place them- 
 selves, with unparalleled composure, on the funeral pile, 
 until reduced to ashes with the corpses of their hus- 
 bands. 
 
 In Christian lands, the same fearlessness is sometimes 
 seen, when there is no well-founded hope of heaven. 
 The soldier braves the approach of death through love 
 of fame ; and the fanatic, as in the case before us, greets 
 it with rapture. Hume was sportive in his last hours, 
 and Rousseau, contemplating his dissolution with pleas- 
 ure, said, just before he expired : "Ah ! how happy 
 
130 
 
 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 a thing it is to die when one has no reason for re- 
 morse or self-reproach." 
 
 The Scripture no where lays stress upon the feelings 
 which distinguish the hour of death, nor regards them 
 as an evidence of real religion ; on the contrary, it 
 directs us to a proof far more unequivocal — to the tcnour 
 of a holy life, spent in conformity to the word of God. 
 For the want of attention to this scriptural test, the 
 nature of a Christian death is often mistaken; mere 
 tranquillity, or even strong hope, is not, in itself, a clear 
 indication of the right state of the soul. Why should a 
 different proof of the reality of religion be assumed for 
 the hour of dissolution from that which is presented for 
 the vigour of health ? In both cases, the excellence of 
 one grace or virtue stamps not the character, but the 
 possession of all the Christian graces ; the uniform and 
 complete conformity of the temper and conduct to the 
 sacred Scriptures. In the death-bed scene of the " De- 
 vout Widow," which we have contemplated, no peculiar 
 or new graces were called into action — the solemnity of 
 the circumstances, and the greatness of the occasion, 
 only heightened and exalted those that already existed — 
 faith was more lively than usual — assurance more stead- 
 fast — repentance more deep — humility more profound — 
 resignation more complete — love to God more perfect — 
 and obedience to his will more conspicuous. 
 
 Too many think that^if a man depart from the world 
 willingly and without reluctance, he therefore departs 
 safely ; as if death makes a complete change in his na- 
 ture as well as in his condition ; as if that which is the 
 vehicle to another state of being has the power to qualify 
 us for that state ; as if that which conveys us to a new 
 
THE HARDENED CONVICT. 131 
 
 world gives us, if we be calm and easy, a new heart, and 
 transforms us into the Divine image. But there may be 
 calmness where there is no safety. In my visits to the 
 beds of the dying, I have more than once seen those who 
 were strangers to the power of godliness expiring with 
 composure and resignation ; I have seen those who 
 during life wholly neglected religion, or who disgraced 
 its profession by inconsistency, leaving the world with 
 exultation when I desired to see tears ; talking of joys 
 unspeakable when I would rather hear the sighs of con- 
 trition ; departing full of confidence and rapture when I 
 wished to behold self-loathing, deep humiliation and un- 
 feigned repentance. To witness such scenes is one of 
 the trials of a pastor's life. If he is cheered and ani- 
 mated by the sight of the Christian who in life honored 
 the Redeemer, departing with " hopes full of immor- 
 tality," founded upon the grace and atonement of Im- 
 manuel, how distressing to view such death-bed scenes 
 as we have described ; how afflictive to strive to remove 
 the delusion, and to strive in vain ; to labour to subvert 
 the foundation on which calmness and composure are 
 resting, and to labour in vain ! Those who have known 
 the subjects of this delusion in life, and who see them in 
 death ; who compare their sentiments, character and con- 
 duct then with those which are exhibited now, have lit- 
 tle difficulty in tracing their quietness to its true source. 
 Sometimes it is the effect of a false system of religion — 
 sometimes of the vain flatteries of self-love — sometimes 
 of the desire to be released from excessive pain — some- 
 times of equability of temper or firmness of nerve — 
 sometimes it is affectation ; and the heart is racked, 
 while the deportment is calm — and sometimes it is 
 
132 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 a punishment for the long neglect of the warning 
 voice of truth ; the result of judicial blindness, in which 
 God says to conscience and the spirit, " let them alone ;". 
 a blindness which prevents them from seeing the preci- 
 pice into which they are plunging. 
 
 Such instances of composure in death where there has 
 been no piety in life, instead of weakening, should 
 strengthen our faith in the word of God ; for that word 
 declares that the wicked often " have no bands in their 
 death ;" it teaches, in several places and in various 
 modes, by parables and direct assertions, that many who 
 confidently expected heaven shall be disappointed ; in- 
 timating that this expectation, and the calmness result- 
 ing from it, shall extend to the last hour. 
 
 We may be sure, then, that there is no really happy 
 death but that which conducts to a happy immortality — ■ 
 no " putting off the body," if we have not ^' put on the 
 Lord Jesus" — no comfort in escaping from the miseries 
 of time, till we have obtained a well-grounded hope of a 
 bhssful immortality.— No moral truth has fewer excep- 
 tions than this : "as a man lives j so will he diej^ 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 
 
 • 183 
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 
 
 " Hast never seen the death of th' apostate 1 
 'Twas anguish, terror, darkness without bow ; 
 Eat O ! it had a most convincing tongue, 
 A potent oratory, that secured most mute attention. 
 
 Apostasy from the religion of Christ, by an open denial 
 in words, or by a virtual declaration in act, presents to 
 the pious mind one of the most awful scenes that can be 
 imagined. At this point of unhidden defection, men 
 never arrive at once ; they descend not suddenly from a 
 profession of faith to the renunciation of Christianity, 
 from the full lustre of truth to the profound darkness of 
 error. By gradual steps they reach this depth of im- 
 piety. At first they exhibit only want of watchfulness — 
 then proceed to omission of duty — then stifle the convic- 
 tions of conscience ; and at length openly depart from 
 God, abandon the religion which they had professed, 
 deny the truths which they had believed, and indulge in 
 crimes at which they once shuddered. In life they fre- 
 quently suffer insupportable anguish, and in death often 
 depart in horror and despair. 
 
 All this is painfully illustrated in the following authen- 
 tic narrative : 
 
 Captain , of the United States Navy, had at- 
 tained a high rank in his profession ; a rank which hig 
 
 ►7* 
 
134 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 gallantry and courage richly deserved. Many things 
 conspired to make him an interesting man. A mind 
 naturally strong, he had well cultivated ; to the sciences 
 generally he was no stranger ; for the charms of litera- 
 ture he bad a high relish which he loved to indulge ; and 
 to his various reading he united an extensive knowledge 
 of the world. There was an urbanity in bis manners 
 which rendered them truly fascinating ; a gentleness 
 that seemed to be interwoven in their very texture. With 
 such qualities it is not surprising that he was a great 
 favourite among his companions, and often the very life 
 of the circle in which he moved. But with all bis cour- 
 age as a military man, and all his accomplishments as a 
 gentleman, be had no proper sense of religion ; like too 
 many of his profession, be knew God only to neglect 
 him, and Christianity only to oppose it. In these cir- 
 cumstances deep affliction suddenly visited him, keenly 
 aifectcd a heart naturally tender, and compelled him to 
 reflect upon a subject of which he had been entirely re- 
 gardless. It was the means of arresting him in bis 
 course of gaiety, showing him the vanity of the world, 
 opening bis mind to enquiry, and exciting attention to 
 the interests of religion. He gradually forsook bis sin- 
 ful habits, became in appearance a changed man, made 
 an open profession of religion, and partook of the holy 
 sacrament. 
 
 As might be supposed, such a change in such a char- 
 acter produced no little sensation. Among his brethren 
 of the same profession it was a topic of frequent con- 
 versation ; and from them, though I was many hundred 
 miles from the scene, I beard of it with joyful interest. 
 His companions were astonished and somewhat vexed 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 135 
 
 when they found that their gay companion had become 
 religious ; that he had that fault in his character which 
 was not to be endured ; that his intelligence, affectionate 
 manners, and gentlemanly qualities were now to be ren- 
 dered almost worthless by their connexion with that un- 
 soldicrlike, unmannerly, ungenteel thing, religion. He 
 knew their thoughts, and often heard their senti- 
 ments, but bore the opposition with patience and for- 
 bearance. He freely conversed with them on the 
 subject, and endeavoured to convince them that the course 
 which he was pursuing was not unreasonable or unbe- 
 coming. I am told that he would often say to them : " I 
 once, you know, thought and felt as you do ; believed 
 that there was no reality in religion, and therefore neg- 
 lected it ; that the Bible was the offspring of human de- 
 ceit, and therefore rejected it ; but it was because I had 
 not read and examined it. Millions have read it with 
 care and acknowledge its truth ; among them have been 
 men the most conscientious ; men who were bright lu- 
 minaries of science ; men who were admirably qualified 
 to examine its nature and excellence ; men who had no 
 worldly interest to serve by professing to believe it. 
 When a Bacon, a Pascal, a Boyle, a Newton, a Locke 
 and a Leibnitz have studied and received it as true, can 
 you call yourselves impartial enquirers after truth, if 
 you refuse to examine 1 I have examined it for myself, 
 and believe it to be truth, most important truth. I be- 
 lieve it, not because those illustrious men of whom I 
 have spoken are numbered among its defenders ; not 
 merely because the system itself is admirably calculated 
 to exalt human nature, but because I have every where 
 met with evidences of its divinity, which have fully con- 
 
136 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES, 
 
 vinced my understanding. Act in like manner, and you 
 will find as many arguments rising out of the New Tes- 
 tament in favour of its inspiration, as rise out of the 
 works of creation in favour of the being of a God." 
 
 In a manner the most eloquent and interesting, he 
 would proceed to unfold the internal and external evi- 
 dence of Christianity, so as to silence, if not to convince 
 his companions. He would frequently answer an ob- 
 jection which was made to his principles, and observe : 
 '' You say that religion is altogether unsuitable to our 
 profession ; that it generates a timid and passive spirit, 
 and that it is not calculated for forming great and illus- 
 trious characters. But you err, not knowing the nature 
 of Christianity. While it discourages and condemns all 
 kind of brutal violence, it certainly inculcates and actu- 
 ally produces dispositions and conduct the most ener- 
 getic ; it is calculated to form men of peculiar courage, 
 and to render them superior to every other fear but that 
 of offending God, and doing injury to man. The effi- 
 cacy of these principles the lives of Christians have, in 
 numberless cases, displayed ; and I hesitate not to say 
 that instances of active exertion, persevering labour, pa- 
 tient suffering and undaunted heroism, cannot be pro- 
 duced like those which have been displayed by the true 
 disciples of Christ. Instead, therefore, of being unsuita- 
 ble, it seems to me that the religion of the Bible is pe- 
 culiarly adapted to our profession, because it tends to 
 make men magnanimous and heroic, while at the same 
 time it forbids all violence and injury." — While thus 
 arguing, he would refer to instances where the two pro- 
 fessions were happily united ; he would point to Col. 
 Gardiner and others like him, who, amidst all the toils, 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 137 
 
 labours, and victories of a military life, were yet " good 
 soldiers of Jesus Christ," and fought none the worse be- 
 cause they went to battle in the Christian armour. 
 
 A practice to which he was once addicted, and which he 
 had entirely abandoned, he often referred to in the pres- 
 ence of those who sometimes indulged in it — that of 
 profane swearing. " I may say to you, gentlemen, 
 without giving offence — 
 
 ' Maintain your rank, vulgarity despise : 
 To swear is neither brave, polite, nor wise.' 
 
 Though some gentlemen swear, it is certainly no mark 
 of gentility, for it is common to the vilest characters in 
 the very lowest ranks of society ; it produces an equality 
 the most disgraceful, and places the honorable, the in- 
 telligent, the refined and the polished on a level with the 
 most ilhterate, depraved and vulgar. It is a sin to 
 which there is little temptation, which displays no cour- 
 age, offers no enjoyment, gratifies no sense, procures no 
 riches, and has never been made the road to preferment. 
 It is irrational, for many of those who indulge in it use 
 language without thinking of its meaning. It is dread- 
 fully impious, for it is every where forbidden in that 
 Word which I have found to be God's voice; it is 
 thoughtlessly summoning the Almighty to witness our 
 conduct, and to interpose his truth, justice and power in 
 concerns the most trifling and wicked ; it is imprecating 
 Divine wrath upon ourselves or others, merely to show 
 that we are positive, or that we are merry, or that we 
 are angry. Would that the practice were for ever ban- 
 ished from our society; would that all military men 
 were to adopt as their motto, ' Swear not at all.^ " . 
 
lo^ PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 In this manner he would reason and remonstrate with 
 his companions ; and if he won none of them over to re- 
 ligion, he succeeded bj his arguments to silence their 
 opposition. 
 
 Nearly two years after he made a profession of reli- 
 gion, and just as he had received orders to engage in 
 
 actual service, I met with Captain . About to 
 
 assume the command of a man-of-war, he had come to 
 the naval station from which it was to sail, there to make 
 preparation for a long cruise. Anxious to become per- 
 sonally acquainted with one of whom I had heard so 
 much, and judging, from his profession of faith, that he 
 would desire and highly esteem the society of the pious, 
 I made him a visit, in company with one or two religious 
 friends. His conversation was interesting and instruc- 
 tive. Among other topics, religion was introduced. On 
 the subject of the necessity of Divine revelation, the 
 evidences of Christianity, the baneful tendency of infi- 
 delity, the excellency of the Christian system, compared 
 with Paganism and Mahometanism, he descanted fully, 
 and showed that with such themes he was intimately 
 familiar; that to defend the outworks of Christianity 
 few were better qualified. But when those doctrines 
 were introduced which constitute experimental and prac- 
 tical piety; which form the spirituality of the gospel, 
 which, while honourable to God, are deeply humiliating 
 to man ; when the corruption of the human heart, salva- 
 tion by grace, justification by faith in Christ, regenera- 
 tion by the Holy Spirit, transition from spiritual death 
 to spiritual life, conformity to the Divine character, and 
 acquiescence to God's sovereignty were referred to, he 
 evidently felt not the same interest, and expressed not 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 139 
 
 the same faith ; indeed, from something that he slightly 
 uttered, he seemed to think that some, at least, of these 
 doctrines were strange, inconsistent, and bordering upon 
 extravagance. I left him, pleased with much which I 
 saw and heard ; but yet apprehensive that on some sub- 
 jects of vital importance his mind was darkened ; pain- 
 fully apprehensive that his heart was not supremely fixed 
 on God, and might never have been renewed by the 
 Divine Spirit. These fears and suspicions were confirmed 
 by what afterwards took place during the short time he 
 was with us. Far from seeking the society of the inons, 
 he evidently shunned it ; thus attesting that the mere 
 professor of religion is inclined to avoid, rather than de- 
 sire, ' ' the communion of saints . ' ' Another cii'cumstance 
 gave too much reason to fear that he was moving in a 
 direction which leads to a wide departure from God. 
 All real Cliristians love the Sabbath, prize it as the chief 
 auxiliary of true religion, and highly value it as the 
 principal means of spiritual improvement ; they regard 
 it as the market-day of the soul, when it lays in the pro- 
 vision which is to nourish and strengthen it during the 
 week ; as the season when the soldier of Christ, engaged 
 in warfare with the world, lies by to repair the losses he 
 may have sustained, and to prepare again for action by 
 renewing those Christian graces vfhich gave him the 
 victory. Such, however, were not the views and feel- 
 ings of the subject of this narrative ; for on the after- 
 noon of the Sabbath, instead of being in the house of 
 God, engaged in the exercises of devotion, and preparing 
 for the heavenly rest, he was in a difierent place, em- 
 ployed in a difierent occupation — at a large dining-party, 
 amid the gay and worldly, where no solemnity of prayer 
 
140 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 or animating notes of praise were heard; where the 
 introduction of religion would be regarded as intrusive 
 austerity, calculated only to damp the gaiety of the 
 spirits, and impair the relish of society. There many 
 hours of the Lord's day were squandered by him in 
 vanity and merriment, the retrospect of which could 
 afford no gratification or pleasure to a pious mind. 
 
 Soon afterwards he went to sea, and was lost from my 
 sight and observation for more than two years. At the 
 end of that period, he returned to the naval station from 
 which he had sailed, giving his acquaintance an oppor- 
 tunity of again observing his character and conduct. 
 But that character which was doubtful when he left them, 
 was now fixed and settled ; it was obvious to all that he 
 had fallen away entirely from his Christian profession, 
 and had relapsed into more than all the irreligion of his 
 former life. In his principles, maxims, conversation and 
 conduct, he vf as completely the man of the world ; all 
 pretension to religion he willingly abandoned ; his bosom 
 companions were the thoughtlessly irreligious, his pleas- 
 ures entirely those of worldly indulgence. It was truly 
 melancholy to see with what pains he made it appear 
 that he was no longer a professed Christian ; truly awful 
 to hear him profaning the name of that God whom he 
 once professed to adore ; indulging in a practice for 
 which he formerly reproved his companions, and attempt- 
 ing to justify it by the temptations that assailed him. 
 " Excuse me," he would say to those who he knew dis- 
 liked the practice, " I know that I am doing wrong, but 
 for some months past I have been so habituated to the 
 language that I scarcely know when I use it ; and such 
 is the character of those that I have commanded at sea, 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 141 
 
 that I could not enforce obedience without it." For 
 gratifications like these, he " made shipwreck of his pro- 
 fession ;" for these he bartered away his God, his Sa- 
 viour, and his soul. 
 
 While thus pursuing a course of gaiety, striving to 
 banish from his mind every thought of a future state, 
 and almost succeeding in stifling the convictions of con- 
 science, he was suddenly arrested by the prostration of 
 his health. Other means of recovery failing, he visited, 
 
 by the advice of his physician, the Springs of , with 
 
 the hope of finding the waters effectual to his restoration ; 
 but on his arrival, his disease, instead of being mitigated, 
 daily increased, threatening to remove him soon from 
 the world. He was surrounded by his friends of the 
 naval profession, who truly sympathized with him, and 
 tenderly ministered to the wants of his body ; but his 
 soul needed relief, and they were unable to give solace 
 to the troubled and wounded spirit. No blessed angel 
 of peace hovered around his pillow to chase away dis- 
 quieting thoughts ; no staff of the Saviour was supplied 
 him on which he might securely lean to uphold him 
 through " the valley of the shadow of death." When 
 his associates saw him gi-adually sinking, and at last 
 beyond all hope of recovery, and communicated to him 
 the painful fact, the intelligence was received with 
 alarm. But he intimated that it was not so much death 
 that he feared, as the consequence resulting from it ; that 
 it was not giving up his breath, or becoming insensible, 
 at which he shrunk ; it was the terrible hereafter^ the 
 something beyond the grave at which he recoiled. He 
 seemed to see sin arming the last enemy with terrors — 
 and these terrors he could not defy — at the cause of 
 
142 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 these terrors he could not trifle. His conscience, which 
 had long slumbered, now awoke, and keenly afflicted him 
 with fearful apprehensions of the future. It would ap- 
 pear that Divine truth, which had so long been injured, 
 wounded, and suppressed, was now bright and torment- 
 ing. It would appear that by that terrible light which 
 God sometimes sheds down into the soul, the dying 
 man was overwhelmed by the realities of eternity ; that 
 the remembrance of his profession of religion, and his 
 awful apostacy, planted within him the daggers of re- 
 morse. He said but little ; but what he did say too 
 truly proved that his soul was wrung with agony ; that 
 in this trying moment he found no comfort from earth, 
 and no ray of consolation from heaven. On one occa- 
 sion, when his countenance evinced extreme mental agi- 
 tation, he suddenly, and with great emphasis, exclaimed, 
 " Forsaken, forsaken !" His attendants kindly said, 
 " No ! Captain — — , you are not forsaken ; your friends 
 are here ministering to every want, and be assured, they 
 will not leave you. He said, "You are kind;" and 
 looking upward, repeated the word forsaken^ leaving no 
 doubt of his meaning. Afterwards, when he was thought 
 to be almost speechless, he vehemently cried out, " De- 
 serted, DESERTED, DESERTED V and they were the 
 last words which he was heard to utter. There is too 
 much reason to fear that in the situation in which he 
 then was, though surrounded by the tender est earthly 
 friends, he was " deserted" by Heaven ; that while be- 
 yond the reach of human aid, he was criminally in de- 
 spair of Divine help. He had wilfully forsaken God; 
 and God, in justice, now appeared to forsake him ; ho 
 had " drawn back" from the profession of Christianity ; 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 143 
 
 and now the Divine threatening seemed to be fulfilled, 
 '•' My soul shall have no pleasure in him." 
 
 A few reflections, instead of weakening the effect of 
 the foregoing narrative, may tend to increase the impres- 
 sion. 
 
 1. We perceive the danger of self- deception, and learn 
 how far we may go without being truly converted to 
 God. 
 
 Like the unhappy man whose life and death we have 
 contemplated, we may have a speculative knowledge of 
 sacred truth, be bold champions for the Divine authority 
 of the Scriptures, and present the strongest arguments 
 to oppose the sceptic and convince the gainsayer. Like 
 him, we may make a public profession of religion, unite 
 with the visible church, forsake some outward sins, and 
 practice some amiable virtues, make the most solemn 
 vows, and perform many works of righteousness ; and 
 yet we may want every thing that constitutes a real 
 Christian ; we may want the Holy Spirit to dwell within 
 us, renewing and sanctifying the heart; humility and 
 contrition of soul ; a life of faith upon the Son of God ; 
 a hatred to all kno\vn sin, and an unfeigned love for con- 
 tinued holiness. Many, in every age, have been deceived 
 on the subject of religion ; many stars in the church, 
 which for a while glitjtered and ^ shone, at last set in 
 darkness ; many who have been esteemed by men to be 
 pious, have been accursed by the Omniscient; many 
 who, in their prayers, thanked God for their hopes of 
 glory, are now bewailing their misery in the regions of 
 woe. What a motive should this be, diligently to ex- 
 amine the foundation of our hope, and the ground of our 
 
144 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 confidence ! Let us not be satisfied with those appear- 
 ances of piety which shall not stand the test of the judg- 
 ment-day : let us impartially try our souls, sensible 
 how apt we are to flatter and deceive ourselves ; let 
 us lift up our voice to Him who must finally and deci- 
 sively examine us ; let us implore His light and direc- 
 tion, and cry with David, " Search us, ! Lord, and 
 know our ways ; try us, and know our hearts, and see if 
 there be any wicked way in us, and lead us in the way 
 everlasting." 
 
 2. The means by which the subject of this narrative 
 arrived at a state of apostacy, are worthy of being observ- 
 ed and remembered. He first, as far as we can learn, re- 
 jected the spiritual and evangelical doctrines of Scripture 
 — then conformed too much to the world — then abandoned 
 the society of the pious — then violated and profaned the 
 Sabbath — then unnecessarily mingled with the ungodly, 
 and made them his intimate associates — and at last was 
 prepared for almost every species of transgression. Thus 
 one iniquity committed by him prepared the way for 
 another, and before he was aware of it, he was entangled 
 in the snare which the enemy had spread for him ; and 
 like the insect in the spider's web, lost all power of 
 resistance, and fell a prey to the destroyer ; an awful 
 warning to the professor of religion who retains and 
 practices even one sin. The indulgence of that one sin 
 will operate upon your whole moral constitution, spread 
 through your soul as a deadly poison, and, in time, com- 
 pletely harden your heart. What is it but the admis- 
 sion of a principle which is fraught with the most dan- 
 gerous consequences, that God's authority may be disre- 
 garded, when conflicting with inclination ? What is it 
 
THE NAVAL APOSTATE. 145 
 
 but the destruction of all resistance, and the formation 
 of an evil habit which, like the mighty torrent, will, 
 sooner or later, bear down before it all opposition. Pro- 
 fessed Christian, escape from the servitude of that one 
 sin which seems to be gaining dominion over you ; it is 
 a master that will not suffer you to stand still, that is 
 hurrying you forward with accelerated force — and the 
 road to which it is urging you is apostacy. Return 
 quickly to God, renouncmg all iniquity, or you perish. 
 
 3. What U7ihappi?iess and misery does apostacy pro- 
 duce ! What misery was experienced by the distressed 
 individual whom we are now contemplating, after he had 
 renounced his Christian profession ! It would appear 
 that he could not entirely stifle the conviction of con- 
 science ; that when engaged, as he often was, in mirth 
 and festivity, the voice of this inward monitor would 
 be heard, recalling the past; that his profession of reli- 
 gion and dreadful apostacy would rise up ui sad remem- 
 brance before him, changing his visions of joy into scenes 
 of anguish. He knew (for he had not entirely disbelieved 
 the Bible) that there was a remedy for this remorse in 
 the blood of the cross ; but upon that blood he had openly 
 trampled ; that blood he had "esteemed an unholy thmg ;" 
 and therefore he lived and died a stranger to happiness. 
 Who would exchange the peace which the gospel gives 
 for remorse like this 1 
 
 4. How differeiit is the good man^s death from that 
 of him who has departed from God ! No forebodings of 
 wrath and fiery indignation distract his soul ; his spirit 
 is elevated and cheered by the lively hope of eternal life. 
 You see not on his face the gloom of despair ; you hear 
 not from his lips the shriek of dismay, '' forsaken, de- 
 
146 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 serted;'^ on the contrary, you behold patience under suf- 
 fering, calm and serene reliance upon the Redeemer, and, 
 at times, even joy and triumph in his last hours. In the 
 death of the apostate, you behold the sun setting in 
 blackness, darkness, and tempest ; in that of the Chris- 
 tian who is " faithful unto death," it descends in a serene 
 sky, casting beams of comfort all around. The former 
 is " driven away in his wickedness ;" the latter " hath 
 hope in his death." 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 147 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 AN OLB^ DISCIPLE. 
 
 ' A bruised reed he will not break ; 
 Afflictions all his children feel ; 
 He wounds them for his mercy's sake, 
 He wounds to heal." 
 
 Though the church of Jesns is one bound together 
 by the fellowship of sentiment and feeling, yet there is a 
 diversity in its members easily perceptible upon close 
 inspection. Though a strong and secret influence im- 
 pels their hearts into the same direction, fills them mth 
 common sympathies, and binds them closely to oi^ an- 
 other ; yet their features in many respects vary ; they 
 differ in their knowledge and perception, their hopes and 
 pleasures, their groans and struggles. It is pleasing to 
 examine this diversity, to investigate its causes ; to learn 
 how far it affects the safety of their condition ; and to 
 derive from the enquiry strength in weakness, relief in 
 trouble, and counsel in perplexity. 
 
 After I took the pastoral charge of , one of 
 
 the first persons who called upon me was a man of el- 
 derly and venerable appearance, whose hoary head and 
 feeble step indicated an age verging towards threescore 
 years and ten. He affably introduced himself, saying, 
 " I have thought it unnecessary to bring any of your 
 acquaintance formally to introduce me ; I am Mr. 
 N ." His manner was so frank and affectionate 
 
148 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 that my heart was instantly attracted towards him, and 
 prepared at once to love him. His countenance was 
 intelligent, with a sweet expression of benevolence 
 mingled with what appeared to me some pensive sor- 
 row. After I had returned his salutation, and told 
 him that I was happy of his acquaintance, he added, 
 " We are of a different profespon — you of the ministe- 
 rial and I of the legal profession ; we are, too, of differ- 
 ent religious denominations — ^you in worshipping God, 
 pray extempore, and I with a set form ; but I hope that 
 as Christians we shall love one another as much as if 
 we were called by the same name ; we welcome you to 
 — — , and I trust you will be the means of great good ; 
 you will find here a wide -field of usefulness." — After 
 saying a little more, and apologizing for his short visit 
 in consequence of an engagement, he took leave of me. 
 It waS not long before I returned his visit. I went at a 
 time when I knew he was at leisure, was received with 
 cordiality, and hailed as a brother. I soon discovered 
 that he was a man of information, clear judgment, and 
 much good sense ; and, in addition to this, an enlight- 
 ened, devout and consistent Christian. Our conversa- 
 tion was principally on that topic which was nearest his 
 heart, and " out of the abundance of which his mouth 
 spake" — the subject of religion. On this theme there 
 was but little difference of opinion ; the same doctrines 
 of the gospel were embraced by us, the same plan of 
 salvation, the same views of Divine truth, the same sense 
 of duty and obligation to our common Lord, and, in most 
 particulars, the very same experience of spiritual piety. 
 With great humility he recounted the manner in which 
 he had been brought to the truth, and in substance re- 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 149 
 
 latecl what follows : " Though an old man, I have not 
 long been a disciple of the Saviour, enjoying the hopes 
 that now animate me. For many years I was wholly 
 blind to my condition as a sinner, and to God's charac- 
 ter as my sovereign. I supposed that if I were only 
 correct and decorous in my external conduct, kind and 
 courteous to others, faitllful in the discharge of my so- 
 cial duties, that there was no ground to fear any future 
 condemnation. When I afterwards added to these out- 
 ward acts the observance of the forms of religion, I felt my 
 conduct good and my condition safe ; though in my de- 
 sires and pursuits there was not the least reference to 
 the glory or will of God. And if at any time conscience 
 alarmed me, its fears were quieted by an increased dili- 
 gence in the use of these forms. For years I remained 
 in this wretched delusion, never enquiring what were 
 my views of the gospel, or my sentiments towards the 
 Redeemer, or the influence of my reUgion on my heart 
 and temper. At length I was awakened by the Spirit to 
 a sense of my danger, and truly convicted of my sins. 
 I well recollect how amazed I then was, when I had a 
 glimpse of the Divine purity, at my utter ignorance of 
 myself and of God. Never was a poor sinner so exposed 
 to a view of his iniquities ; I stood before the Judge of 
 the world with the guilt of them all, and with the dread- 
 ful aggravations under which they were committed. 
 How I prayed — how I read the Scriptures — how I used 
 every means that could be thought of to procure peace ! 
 But I had no rest nor hope. ' Thou art weighed in the 
 balance and art found wanting,' seemed to be written 
 upon every thing which I did." 
 8 
 
150 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 " But why did you not go to your minister and ask 
 him to direct you in the way of salvation 1" 
 
 *' Ah ! my dear sir ; there was at that time very lit- 
 tle religion among us. If I had gone to him with a 
 sorrowful countenance, with the enquiry, ' What shall I 
 do to be saved V he, perhaps, could not have answered 
 it ; perhaps would even have been offended. It was not 
 
 until the Rev. Mr. L came among us that the pure 
 
 gospel was preached here ; but since then we have had a 
 succession of truly evangelical men, whose labours have 
 been blessed to the conversion of many." 
 
 " But how long did you remain in that state of fear 
 and guilt?" 
 
 " For months and months ; and though I was not sens- 
 ible of it at the time, yet the course which I took drove 
 me farther and farther from the gospel. I performed 
 the external duties of life strictly, and attended the 
 Divine ordinances regularly, with the expectation of cre- 
 ating to myself a claim on the favour of God, and a plea 
 for pardon ; but it only strengthened my opposition to 
 the cross of Christ, and hourly made me inaccessible to 
 the glad tidings of salvation. The more I advanced in 
 that course, the more deeply was I involved in condem- 
 nation and darkness, and it is a wonder of mercy that I 
 ever returned from it. It was indeed ' the horrible pit 
 and the miry clay.' Thanks be to the Holy .Spirit who 
 rent the veil of ignorance from my mind, and showed me 
 the artifices which I was .using to rob God of his glory 
 »*nd my soul of its salvation ; under his enlightening in- 
 fluences my moral virtues, exercises of devotion and acts 
 of charity appeared defective and polluted ; infinitely 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 151 
 
 disproportioned to the demands of the law, and wholly 
 insufficient for recommendation to my Maker." 
 
 " He was thus preparing you for the cordial reception 
 of the gospel. But how did you at length receive hope — 
 what means were employed to give comfort?" 
 
 " After being some time in this state, sensible that I 
 was only increasing my guilt, and sure that by all I was 
 doing I was ' getting no better,' but like the woman in 
 the gospel, ' only worse and worse,' I met with a copy 
 of Davies' Sermons. At first I thought it was the Da- 
 vies who preached here some years ago, who had no re- 
 pute either for talents or piety, and laid the book aside ; 
 but I was soon undeceived, and learned that it was the 
 man of whom I had heard my father often speak, who 
 preached with such power in Hanover, and who effected 
 such a reformation throughout that region. I knew his 
 son very well ; he was collector of our port for several 
 years. Poor fellow ! he was very different from his 
 father — he never read those sermons — never observed 
 the Sabbath — never attended church — nor even believed 
 that there was a reality in religion. When I possessed 
 this book the first part which I read, and to which I 
 seemed to be directed by the special providence of God, 
 was the delightful sermon from the text, 'He will not 
 break the bruised reed nor quench the smoking flax.^ 
 For the first time hope beamed upon my soul. I felt 
 that I was the poor, feeble, shaking reed, and this not in 
 its best condition, but crushed and broken. Such a rep- 
 resentation is given in that sermon of the grace and ten- 
 derness of the Redeemer that I could no longer resist 
 giving myself to him. When I considered the endearing 
 characters which he bears, the precious promises which 
 
152 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 he utters, the instances of pardonmg grace which he ex- 
 hibits, the nature of that death which he bore, and the 
 characters of those for whom he shed his blood, I hesi- 
 tated not to resign myself to his arms, certain that a 
 refusal would be impeaching his veracity : in the exercise 
 of faith I cast entirely upon him my complaints and 
 groanings, my sense of sin and feeling of helplessness, 
 resolved, if I must perish, to perish at his feet. But I 
 did not perish ; he spake peace to my soul, gave me ' the 
 garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness,' and an- 
 nounced to my conscience acquittal from guilt." 
 
 The old man, while speaking of an event so joyful, of 
 a change so great, from long dejection to cheerful hope, 
 was deeply affected. After a pause, he said, " This 
 same passage, ' he will not break the bruised reed,' now 
 gives me more hope than perhaps any other passage in 
 Scripture. I am weak and feeble in mind, body and 
 grace, and for that reason the care and pity of Christ 
 will be particularly extended to me. The weakest in- 
 fant peculiarly receives the attention of the mother ; the 
 tenderest plants are peculiarly watched by the gardener ; 
 the feeblest lambs are carefully borne in the bosom of 
 the shepherd ; and faint, weak and trembling believers 
 are peculiarly under the guardianship of a gracious 
 Saviour — it is his glory and delight tenderly to cherish 
 the weak and feeble. It is my desire to be ever under 
 his government, to submit to his sceptre, as well as to 
 glory in his cross ; my chief prayer to be perfectly con- 
 formed to his image ; my sincere regret that the re- 
 membrance of his compassion so little melts my soul." 
 
 After uniting in prayer, thanking God for the displays 
 of his redeeming grace, and blessing him for the gift of a 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 158 
 
 Saviour who " breaketh not the bruised reed," we sep- 
 arated ; and I returned to my study, I hope, with my 
 love inflamed, and ray gratitude enlivened ; animated 
 with new zeal in his cause who is full of benignity and 
 grace, and rejoicing that to such a sympathizing Friend 
 I could have recourse under the pressure of all woes, 
 and the burden of all sins. I returned, determined to 
 be more tender ; to be in this respect more like my 
 Saviour ; like him to regard with sympathy and love 
 the heavy-laden and feeble, " the bruised reed and the 
 smoking flax ;" like him to bear with their weaknesses, 
 compassionate their sorrows, bind up their broken spir- 
 its, and lead them to the fountain of consolation and 
 peace. 
 
 This aged saint I continued occasionally to visit, and 
 with all the freedom with which I visited any of my 
 own parishioners ; and the more intimate my acquaint- 
 ance became, the stronger was the conviction that he 
 had virtues and graces which evinced more than ordinary 
 Christian principle. His peculiar probity, his scrupu- 
 lous and unbending love of justice, his remarkable purity 
 of spirit, refined and exalted by religion, gave him the 
 name of the " honest lawyer. ^"^ — " An excellent spirit was 
 in him," and against him, as against Daniel, the gainsayer 
 " could find none occasion nor fault, save that he was 
 faithful." But that which peculiarly struck me was his 
 spirituality of mind in all the concerns of life. With 
 him religion was not a matter of fancy or speculation, 
 but the steady, quiet, unostentatious devotion of the 
 heart and conduct to God ; resting in a deep conscious- 
 ness of the fallen condition of man, and animated by a 
 lively faith in the Redeemer. Few more habitually cul- 
 
 1 
 
154 
 
 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 tivated communion with God. His favourite books 
 which he loved to read, were the works of John Newton 
 and Thomas Scott. His Bible was his daily study ; 
 and the time allowed to his stated devotional exercises, 
 I am told, he would never, under the impulse of pressing 
 business, materially abridge. He would often urge upon 
 his friends the peculiar importance of these exercises, 
 and observe«that such a practice, instead of hindering 
 the due performance of other duties, proves the best in- 
 citement to exertion, and the truest source of success. 
 
 On one occasion, when I was with him, he spoke of 
 the nature of prayer, and the great difficulty of per- 
 forming it. Taking up a volume of Newton, he said : 
 " Hear what this devout man says ; ' I can read, or 
 write, or converse with a ready will ; but prayer is more 
 spiritual and inward than any of these ; and the more 
 spiritual any duty is, the more my carnal heart starts 
 from it.' If such a man could use this language, how 
 much greater difficulty must I have in performing the 
 duty ! Yet our true happiness consists in it ; it brings 
 us into the immediate presence of Him whom we love ; 
 it is the direct act of communion with him ; the foretaste 
 of all that we hope for hereafter; the vision and enjoy- 
 ment of God. Here there is an unspeakable peace of 
 mind which is found nowhere else ; a calm resting upon 
 God for the supply of every need ; a casting of all our 
 burden upon a friend who is able to sustain it ; a free- 
 dom from all perplexing anxieties and fears ; an exalted 
 and endeared friendship with ' Him whom our soul lov- 
 eth.' Here, in the performance of this duty, every 
 grace is exercised, every sin opposed, every blessing ob- 
 tained, the whole soul strengthened. With a knowledge 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 155 
 
 of all these advantages, what pp'Ciiliar difficulty have I 
 in performing the duty — what relactance at tiaias even 
 to attempt it? Besides this opposition of a corrupt na- 
 ture within, Satan no doubt uses all his subtility to keep 
 me from the service, knowing how much it is calculated 
 to impair his kingdom. When I have overcome the 
 difficulties of one day, I am assailed the next with new 
 conflicts, so that the strongest and most determined reso- 
 lution is necessary to ensure regularity even in the 
 attempt." — Pointing to some Forms of Prayer that lay 
 on the table, he added : '^ I get all the assistance from 
 others that I can. These you call crutches — you young 
 persons, can do without them ; but such a feeble old 
 man as I am has need of crutches — sometimes I get 
 along without them for days and weeks ; but I always 
 like to have them near me in case of necessity. Jenks' 
 Devotions I prefer above all others ; for I often love to 
 confine my requests to a single object ; sometimes to 
 hope, sometimes to faith, humility, knowledge, love ; and 
 here there are excellent prayers for each of these graces. 
 But in using them I find other thoughts continually oc- 
 curring which I freely present ; to such a use of them 
 who can object?" — I have often thought of these re- 
 marks of the venerable saint, and wonder that prejudice 
 should lead so many Christians to deprive themselves of 
 benefit and consolation. — " But," he continued, " David 
 is of more advantage to me in this respect than any 
 other writer ; there are few of his prayers which I can- 
 not use and adopt as my own ; it is a rich ' fountain,' 
 from which I have ' drawn abundantly of the waters of 
 salvation.' The Psalmist's religious experience is often 
 like mine — that circumstance inspires hope and affords 
 
156 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 aid. He tells me more than any other writer in Scrip- 
 ture what passed between God and his soul, and therefore 
 lets me know what I may hope from God, and what he 
 expects from me. What could I do without the Psalms 
 of David 1 His very expressions I love to use when I 
 am employed in confession, petition or thanksgiving — 
 the very best words with which I can clothe my thoughts 
 — ^ sound speech that cannot be condemned' — ' words 
 which the Holy Ghost? teacheth.' " 
 
 Another striking peculiarity which distinguished our 
 aged friend, and which was visible to all his acquaintance, 
 was freedom from bigotry and religious prejudice. He 
 had no such overweening attachment to his own opin- 
 ions as alienated his affection from Christians of another 
 name 5 no such prejudice as prevented him from acknow- 
 ledging the exhibition of moral excellence out of his own 
 communion. On the contrary, there was in him a quick 
 perception of " the beauties of holiness," wherever they 
 appeared, and a ready acknowledgment by acts strongly 
 affectionate. Occasionally he w^as with us in our social 
 meetings for prayer, and not unfrequently at our com- 
 munion table ; and instead of standing at a distance from 
 those who were called by another name, he loved to as- 
 sociate with them, to sympathize with them, to cultivate 
 with them a spirit of unity and tenderness. Of this fra- 
 ternal affection, without vei^ging in any degree to the 
 baneful extreme of an unscriptural latitudinarianism, 
 without showing any indifference to truth, or toleration 
 of error, he was as beautiful an example as I have ever 
 met with. Often did he deplore the alienation of heart, 
 and the difference in conduct which are to be found 
 among the followers of Christ, speak of the evils of this 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 157 
 
 disunion, and lament that it hardened the consciences of 
 the irreligious, weakened the hands of the pious, and im- 
 peded the progress of truth. Frequently did he retoark 
 that amidst minor differences of opinion, all real Chris- 
 tians held the same fundamental doctrines of the Gospel, 
 and that their personal experience is every where essen- 
 tially the same ; that they are all penitent for their 
 transgressions, all mourning over their innate depravity, 
 all looking to the same Saviour for pardon, all praying 
 for the influences of the same Spirit, all striving against 
 the same " body of sin," all pressing forward towards the 
 same " mark of the prize of the high calling in Christ Je- 
 sus ;" and that they should therefore feel a peculiar de- 
 light in each other as objects of the Father's mercy, the 
 Saviour's grace, and the Spirit's influences ; that they 
 should associate, converse, pray and commune with each 
 other, on the ground of their common relationship. 
 More than once have I heard him say : "I have a hand 
 of fellowship ever ready, and a heart of love ever open 
 to all the true followers of the Redeemer ; and I am sure 
 that just in proportion as I have increased in love to 
 them, I have grown in love to my Saviour." 
 
 But with all his excellencies of Christian character, 
 this ao-ed saint suffered more than most Christians, 
 even those that are advanced in life, from religious de- 
 pression. In the account which he gave me of his con- 
 version, I saw nothing of it ; there were then such strong 
 expressions of hope, and even joy, that I had no concep- 
 tion that he was thus afflicted ; but further acquaintance 
 taught me that although, like Enoch, he was striving to 
 "walk with God," yet a gloom truly distressing hung 
 around his path. In these circumstances, he would 
 
158 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sometimes send for me. On one occasion I found him 
 reading the seventy-seventh psahn. '' This," he observ- 
 ed, " this is the picture of myself, the very conflict which 
 I am maintaining with my fears and griefs, the spiritual, 
 trouble Avhich deeply afflicts me — nothing can be so pain- 
 ful as the suspension of God's favour, the apprehension 
 of his wrath, the withholding of his promise — this wounds 
 the spirit — who can bear it ? In the midst of the psalm, 
 David, or whoever was the author, cries, ' This is my 
 infirmity'^ — this fear that ' God will cast off and be 
 favourable no more ;' that ' his mercy is clean gone for 
 ever,' and that ' his promise will fail for evermore ;' 
 that ' he hath forgotten to be gracious, and shut up his 
 tender mercies' — this was his ' infirmity.' It is so 
 with me — this despondency of spirit and distrust of 
 God is my ' infirmity,' my calamity, affliction, cross — 
 ' the sin that doth easily beset me.' ! that I could be 
 freed from it !" 
 
 " But do not forget what the Psalmist immediately 
 adds : ' I will remember the works of the Lord, surely 
 I will remember thy wonders of old' — consider how he 
 silences his fears by the remembrance of the things which 
 God had formerly done for him, and here imitate him — 
 recall the time when with humbled heart you sought 
 Divine mercy and was not cast off — bring to your mind 
 the wonders wrought for yourself and others ; and you 
 will find the recollection a powerful antidote against the 
 distrust of his promise ; you will find him an unchange- 
 able God who will certainly finish the work which he has 
 begun. Read the psalm again. The author begins it 
 with the language of the deepest penitential distress, 
 almost bordering on despair, and ends it with such strong 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 159 
 
 confidence in God's power as causes his fears suddenly to 
 vanish." 
 
 " I ought to look on the bright side ; but I find my- 
 self continually inclined to view that only which is dark 
 — this is my injirmity .^^ 
 
 This was his character ; he was often dejected and 
 filled with distress, though his piety was unequivocal. I 
 had difficulty in accounting for it. It- seemed not, in his 
 case, to be owing to any bodily temperament ; a cause 
 which I had often seen in others, who " had more need 
 of the physician than of the divine." It seemed not to 
 arise from any religious error, any deficiency in his ac- 
 quaintance with the doctrines of the Gospel. Some I have 
 known who evidently marred their enjoyment by a mis- 
 conception of these doctrines ; who passed their lives in 
 sorrow because of their obscure views of the Divine 
 government, the plan of redemption, and the new cove- 
 nant ; because of their low conceptions of the character 
 of God, as if caprice rather than faithfulness was one of 
 his attributes ; as if, instead of delighting to be gracious, 
 he was only watching, as it were, for an opportunity of 
 inflicting punishment ; as if his word, to the humble and 
 contrite, breathed awful threatenings rather than the 
 language of invitation and encouragement. But the sub- 
 ject of this narrative had just and clear views of Divine 
 truth ; of the scheme of redemption ; the terms and in- 
 tent of the covenant of grace ; the variety, extent, and 
 immutability of the Divine promises ; the infinite mercy 
 of God ; the boundless compassion of the Savioui' ; the 
 full and free salvation which he purchased ; the preva- 
 lency of his unceasing intercession ; and the nature of^ 
 Christian faith, hope, and joy. Nor had I any reason 
 
160 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to believe that latent sins, indulged and cherished, were 
 the cause of this darkness. As far as man could judge, 
 there was a diligent performance of all religious duties : 
 private prayer, the study of the Scriptures, strict self- . 
 examination and devout meditation, were no doubt regu- 
 larly performed — there seemed to be no worldly spirit 
 cherished, no open remissness in known duty, no refusal 
 to give up the heart entirely to God, no want of atten- . 
 tion to the cultivation of the religious affections, no heed- 
 lessness on the brink of temptation, no secret drawing 
 back in religion. Where there is such declension, even 
 if there be no inconsistency in life, there will be in a 
 tender conscience not only apprehension and doubt, but 
 distressing darkness and depression ; and he is not to be 
 envied who can plunge into conscious guilt, and yet be 
 tranquil and cheerful. 
 
 On this whole subject I conversed with him frequently 
 and freely. On one occasion he said : " I well know 
 what David meant, when he exclaimed, ' Thou hidest thy 
 face from me, and I am troubled' — he esteemed it the 
 severest trial; and I regard every other affliction as 
 light, compared with this anguish of spirit." 
 
 *' But should you not be submissive, perhaps encour- 
 aged by remembering that ' the same afflictions are ac- 
 complished in your brethren that are in the world' — that 
 it is the common path to heaven which all the saints 
 have trod — that you can discern on this road the foot- 
 steps of the ' great cloud of witnesses' who have gone 
 before you — and that if you were to know the religious 
 experience of believers now, you would find them all 
 ' groaning, being burdened' — you find David, Jeremiah, 
 Job, Isaiah, and other scriptural saints, having the same 
 
AN OLD DISCTPLE. 161 
 
 thoughts, and uttering the same complaints. You do 
 not sigh and tremble alone. "Where are ' the hands' 
 which never ' hang down,' and ' the knees' which never 
 'tremble?'" 
 
 " But why is it thus ?" 
 
 "It is evidently a part of that discipline which our 
 wise and Heavenly Father exercises towards his chil- 
 dren ; a painful and humiliating, but yet useful probation 
 through which he calls them to pass. So weak is our 
 nature, so prone are we to vanity and self-dependence, 
 so imperfect the progress in holiness which we make, that 
 we need a constant check upon our natural tendencies to 
 pride. We know what effect worldly prosperity pro- 
 duces ; how it interrupts communion with God, leads the 
 heart aside, and impairs the exercise of every grace. I 
 have sometimes thought that we cannot enjoy for any 
 length of time an uninterrupted state of spiritual pros- 
 perity without being in danger of becoming puffed up 
 with presumption and self-sufficiency. Paul found that 
 his admission into Hhe third heavens,' which we might 
 naturally suppose would have bowed him to the dust in 
 self-abasement, served to foment spiritual pride, so that 
 he required the severe discipline of ' a thorn in the flesh' 
 to prevent his ' being exalted above measure.' Some 
 'messenger of Satan' we need, to prevent that unsafe ela- 
 tion of mind which may be occasioned by a long and 
 continued attention to our high and rich privileges ; to 
 bring us down to a lower region ; to check the growth of 
 all self-confidence ; to teach us our entire dependence on 
 God ; and to lead us to him, and to him alone, for every 
 supply of grace and comfort. Besides, if God were to 
 exempt us entirely from doubt and perturbation, inward 
 
162 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sorrow and darkness — if he were to afford us a continued 
 sunshine of religious prosperity, we should be too well 
 satisfied with this state of existence ; we should feel that 
 this was our rest, and that there is no need of a new 
 residence, another sphere of action, and a higher source 
 of enjoyment. It is a reason why we should be patiently 
 submissive to this as well as to every other dispensation 
 of Providence, believing that ' the Lord doeth all things 
 well,' and has wise and merciful ends in permitting such 
 spiritual afflictions to befal his children." 
 
 " You do not mean that this disquieting fear and dis- 
 tressing darkness are to be retained and cherished as an 
 advantage ?" 
 
 " Not at all. Though they may be overruled for our 
 ultimate good, they are not in themselves an advantage. 
 The frame of mind after which we should aspire is a firm, 
 steady, though humble hope of the pardon of our sins, 
 and our acceptance with God through the merits of the 
 Redeemer ; a settled peace of soul, unshaken by the 
 storms of the world ; an assurance of the Divine love 
 which can withstand all earthly sorrow and persecution, 
 and which can be destroyed only by a sense of conscious 
 guilt." 
 
 " But are these dark fears and distressing doubts con- 
 sistent with faith ?" 
 
 ^' Not in general, I think, with strong faith. Nothing 
 tends more to take away our doubts, to brighten our evi- 
 dences, to comfort our hearts, than a vigorous faith in 
 Christ, as a free and complete Saviour. This grace is 
 often exhibited in Scripture in opposition to distressing 
 fears. ' I will trust and not be afraid.' We read of 
 the ^joy of faith,' the 'assurance of faith,' of being 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 163 
 
 ' filled with all joy and peace in believing,' of ' rejoicing 
 by faith in Christ.' These and other passages of a 
 similar nature teach us that faith and fears are in appo- 
 sition to each other; that as the former declines, the 
 latter prevail ; that in proportion as the former sinks in 
 strength and activity, to the same degree do temptations 
 assault and overpower us. As soon as we begin to dis- 
 trust the power of Christ, the faithfulness of his prom- 
 ises, or the absolute freeness of his grace, we are sinking. 
 Thus Peter, when walking upon the water at Christ's 
 command, and in his strength, was upheld as long as his 
 faith in the Redeemer's power and kindness was main- 
 tained ; but no sooner did he attend to the boisterous 
 wind, and withdraw his dependence, than he began to 
 sink. And then the tender and instructive rebuke was 
 given by his master : ' O ! thou of little faith, wherefore 
 dost thou doubt V There is no way, then, it seems to 
 me, so effectual, of having our evidences clear, our com- 
 forts strong, and our darkness removed, as the imme- 
 diate exercise of trust in a free and glorious Saviour ; 
 the more we see of the fulness of Divine grace in him, 
 the more experience we shall have of true support and 
 consolation. Let me then exhort you, as I exhort 
 myself in such circumstances, if you cannot look inward 
 with any degree of complacency, to look upAvard, 
 exclaiming, ' I know that my Redeemer liveth' — if you 
 ' walk in darkness, and see no light,' trust ' in the name 
 of the Lord Jesus,' and ' stay yourself upon his right- 
 eousness ;' if you are sinking under the burden of sin, 
 incomparably sorer than any other distress, look by faith 
 to him who ■ bore' your ^ sins in his own body on the 
 tree ;' if the beams of God's countenance be suspended, 
 
164 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 and there be no sensible comfort, ' rejoice in Christ 
 Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh' — no reliance 
 upon any thing of your own. Then this ' thorn in the 
 flesh' you may have grace to resist ; a new song may be 
 put into your mouth ; ' the snare is broken, and I am 
 delivered.' When you enquire again, as did David, 
 ' Why art thou cast down, ! my soul, and w^hy art 
 thou disquieted within me V you can add, as he did, ' I 
 shall yet praise him' — in this world, or in the world to 
 come." 
 
 " These feelings, I fear, will continue as long as I live. 
 In addition to the causes that you have thought of, there 
 is another reason that is peculiar to me. It was not 
 until late in life that I was brought to a knowledge of the 
 Saviour. My youth was spent, not in what the world 
 terms immorality and vice, but yet in the forgetfulness 
 of God and the neglect of his service. As an old man, 
 I look back ; I am compelled to review the past, and the 
 retrospect afibrds me no satisfaction ; I see no early exer- 
 cise of faith, and hope, and love ; no early enjoyment of 
 communion with God and fellowship with the saints ; no 
 early peace of conscience and anticipation of glory; but 
 on the contrary, I see myself ' a lover of pleasure more 
 than a lover of God.' I fear that in my youthful days 
 I did an -irreparable injury to others, and that I drew^ 
 many into sin by my solicitations and example. The 
 retrospect makes a deep impression upon my feelings, 
 awakens many a bitter pang of remorse, and compels me 
 to cry out with Job, ' Thou hast made me to possess the 
 iniquities of my youth.' These things have prevented 
 me from going ' on my way rejoicing,' clouded my hopes, 
 darkened my mind ; and will, I fear, follow me to my 
 death-bed." 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 
 
 165 
 
 " You ought not, my friend, to dwell upon these things 
 too much, but should say, ' where sin hath abounded, grace 
 doth much more abound;' and comparing your present 
 hopes, fears, tastes, and enjoyments with those which 
 characterized your youth, you should look at the deci- 
 sive evidences which are presented of a renewal of char- 
 acter, and say, ' whereas I was once blind, now I see.' 
 These things afford subjects for abundant thanksgiving; 
 muse frequently upon them, and your heart may burn 
 within you, and rejoice in God your Saviour. When, 
 with Paul, you exclaim, ' I am the chief of sinners,' add, 
 as he did, ' I know" in whom I have believed.' " 
 
 Not long after this conversation, he was called to 
 endure that lingering sickness which terminated in death. 
 For weeks and months he was confined to his room, and 
 in the midst of " much weariness and painfulness," began 
 seriously to "set his house in order," as one who was 
 about to " die." The nearer he approached the eternal 
 world, the more did he feel the value of his soul, and the 
 more deeply was he concerned to know whether it was 
 "right with God." He would sometimes say, "If I 
 am wrong, I am wrong for eternity, and will soon be 
 without the reach of reparation ;" and evidently felt that 
 it was an awful thing to appear before the heart-search- 
 ing Judge. These considerations caused a deep depres- 
 sion of spirits, and showed that he had a severe confjct 
 with the spiritual enemy. But an unfeigned humility 
 and self-abasement, a deep-rooted abhorrence of sin, a 
 patient submission to the will of God, and a simple reli- 
 ance upon the Saviour of sinners, were too conspicuously 
 exhibited not to arrest the attention of those around 
 him. As he drew near the period of his departure, no 
 
166 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 peculiar consolations illumined his death — his dejection 
 and darkness seemed to extend, in a degree, to the final 
 scene ; but we doubt not it was a bright sun setting 
 under a dark cloud, and have every reason to think that 
 he died as safely as if he had expired exulting and tri- 
 umphant ; and that his soul as certainly entered the 
 mansions of rest as if the Holy Spirit had vouchsafed to 
 him a bright vision of eternal glory, and enabled him to 
 long and pant for the " crown of righteousness." While 
 he is now enjoying the full manifestation of God's love, 
 we cherish with delight the remembrance of his piety and 
 excellence. 
 
 "N"oTV rejoicing in his lot, 
 
 Pensive memory loves to weep 
 O'er the venerable spot, 
 
 Where his dear, cold relics sleep. 
 
 Grave, the guardian of his dust, 
 
 Grave, the treasure of the skies ; 
 Every atom of thy trust, 
 
 Rests in hope, again to rise," 
 
 1. We are taught that the free grace of God in con- 
 version is not limited to "persons^ or times ^ or circum- 
 stances. In this instance it w^as extended to one whose 
 profession is generally regarded unfavorable to piety; 
 one who had long attended to the outward forms of 
 religion without love to God, or faith in the Redeemer ; 
 one advanced in years, and, as he often confessed, who 
 had long grieved the Holy Spirit; one who received 
 pardon, not by the merit of a well-spent life, but as a 
 free gift, through the righteousness of a Saviour. Thanks 
 be to God, such instances are continually occurring, tes- 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 167 
 
 tifjing that God never " leaves himself without a wit- 
 ness ;" that he will always have instruments to carry on 
 his work, and " a people to show forth his praise" — the 
 'Might of the world," to keep it from darkness, the 
 '' salt of the world," to keep it from corruption. 
 
 2. The reason which the subject of this narrative often 
 gave for his peculiar religious depression and spiritual 
 darkness is worthy of consideration — the want of early 
 piety. He always regarded it as one of the principal 
 causes of the deep dejection that oppressed his mind ; 
 often lamented that the best part of his days was spent 
 without gratitude to God or love to the Redeemer, in 
 losing so many opportunities, misimproving so many 
 talents, and abusing so many privileges ; deeply regret- 
 ted that he did not early engage in the business of 
 religion, as he did in his secular profession, and in 
 youth acquire Christian habits, obtain religious knowl- 
 edge, and lead a holy life. His experience, I doubt not, is 
 that of all who remember not God in the morning of their 
 days, and who defer his service until the decline of life. 
 It is a tender and powerful motive to the young to devote 
 themselves to the Redeemer. What indeed is so lovely 
 as to see youth, at the call of God, sacrificing its levity 
 and selfishness, its love of pleasure and spirit of indul- 
 gence, and surrendering itself at once to the happy and 
 holy service of its Maker? It is not possible to esti- 
 mate too highly the importance of early piety. Those 
 saints whose names shine so brightly on the sacred 
 records, cultivated religion early in life, and served God 
 from their youth. The Scriptures animate and encour- 
 age us by the example of a Joseph, who rose superiour to 
 youthful excesses, and repulsed with holy indignation 
 
168 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 temptations to sin against God ; an Obadiah, who " fear- 
 ed the Lord from his youth ;" a Samuel from his tender- 
 est years serving and loving his Heavenly Friend ; a 
 Josiah, ''while young, seeking after the God of his 
 fathers;" a Timothy, acquainted with " the Scriptures 
 from Jiis youth," and by them " made wise unto salva- 
 tion;" a John, the youngest and most beloved of the 
 apostles of the Saviour. These, and others like them, 
 encourage youth to tread in the happy path in which 
 they walked, and to obtain that grace which is able to 
 purify their hearts. None, perhaps, but those who are 
 suffering the penalty of early transgressions, who have 
 w^asted the morning of life, and who are now called to 
 " redeem the time" which they have lost or abused, can 
 properly estimate the value of early religion ; none but 
 those can judge of the power which the habits of youth 
 exercise on the character, comforts and usefulness of 
 maturer age. With what regret do they think of that 
 precious season that was wasted in sin ; with what pain 
 and agony does each exclaim : " What knowledge, what 
 holiness might I have then obtained — what a holy and 
 heavenly life might I have then led — what days and 
 years of mercy did I throw away for nothing !" 
 
 3. hi his large and liberal spirit ^ and in his love for 
 the followers of Christ, the believer whose character we 
 are contemplating is worthy of imitation . In this we 
 have seen that he was distinguished, and by his exam- 
 ple useful. God, for wise ends, has permitted the exist- 
 ence of various denominations among real Christians, to 
 incite them to greater diligence and circumspection; to 
 lead them mutually to watch over each other ; to prevent 
 that fatal stagnation which arises from undisturbed re- 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 
 
 169 
 
 pose. This division, while it should lead us to the exer- 
 cise of self-diffidence and humility ; to the diligent study 
 of the Holy Scriptures, and to earnest prayer to God to 
 guide us into all truth; to the promotion of religion 
 itself rather than its mere unessential modifications, 
 should also induce us to practice forbearance and can- 
 dour to all who differ from us in opinion, and serve our 
 Master under another name. We should do more ; we 
 should maintain with them the full force of brotherly 
 affection, without allowing our differences to uiterrupt for 
 a moment the exercise of the most entire good- will ; we 
 should recognize and love them as members of the same 
 body, and brethren in the same family. Whot churches 
 we should have upon earth, if they were all governed by 
 love, as the ruling principle — what an irresistible proof 
 it would afford of the divinity of the religion of Jesus ! 
 In the primitive ages of the church, this virtue shone so 
 brightly in the character of its members, was so con- 
 spicuous in all their conduct, was expressed in acts so 
 noble and disinterested, as to become a proverb with the 
 surrounding pagans, and call forth the well-known excla- 
 mation : " See how these Christians love one another !" 
 — " By this," says our Saviour, " shall all men know 
 that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" 
 — a declaration that this is to be a peculiar proof to the 
 world that we are Christians — the touchstone by which 
 we are to be examined and known. This love has pre- 
 vailed in all periods, as religion has prevailed, and 
 declined as religion has declined. It is a cardinal virtue 
 in the character of Christians, and the law which is to 
 regulate all their conduct to each other. Its strength 
 and degree are distinctly noticed by the Saviour, and his 
 
170 
 
 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 own conduct exhibited as the pattern — " ye should love 
 one another as I have loved you." His affection for us was 
 real as well as nominal, so should be ours to his disciples — 
 his was pure and disinterested, so should be ours — ^his 
 was a love of forbearance and forgiveness, so should be 
 ours— his was unchangeable, notwithstanding our w^eak- 
 ness ; so should be ours to our fellow Christians, notwith- 
 standing their infirmities of temper and conduct. Wea- 
 ried with the jar of endless controversy in the church on 
 earth, the spiritually minded Christian often looks away 
 to that heavenly state, where he can breathe an atmo- 
 sphere which is never rufiled by the agitation of contest ; 
 and longs for the undisturbed serenity of a world which 
 affords no temptation to the exercise of an unhallowed 
 disposition ; where, from the infinite source of wisdom, 
 he can drink in the full tide of knowledge, and from the 
 fountain of peace derive a temper, the very reverse of 
 alienation of affection and disunion of hearts — the temper 
 of love. — " I am meditating," said the dying Hooker, 
 " on the number and nature of angels, and their blessed 
 obedience and order, without which peace could not be 
 in heaven ; and ! that it were so in the church on 
 earth." — "I can as willingly," said Baxter, "be a 
 martyr for love as for any article of the creed." When 
 dying he prayed, " Bless, ! Lord, this distracted world ; 
 give peace to thy church, and preserve its interests on 
 earth." What a comfort and sweetness is there in 
 repeating the Lord's Prayer — " let thy kingdom come!^^ 
 
 We conclude with the following beautiful extract from 
 an anonymous writer : 
 
 " I delight above all things to dwell upon the sublime 
 
AN OLD DISCIPLE. 171 
 
 and beautiful idea of the unity of the Christian church, 
 composed, as it is, of many members, but all united to- 
 gether under one great and glorious head : and I even 
 love to caress the thought, as one that is most agreeable 
 to my fancy, as well as to my heart and judgment. I 
 am pleased to consider the church in the beautiful light 
 in which our Saviour himself has chosen to present it. 
 ' In my Father^ house,"^ says he, ' are many mansions,^ 
 or apartments ; and this is as true of his house upon 
 earth, as it is of his house in heaven. The church is in- 
 deed a vast and magnificent edifice, which the all-wise 
 and beneficent Creator has built upon a sure basis, for the 
 accommodation of all his believing children ; and I am 
 ready to say or. sing of it with the Psalmist, ' Beautiful 
 for situation, the joy of the whole earthy is this palace. 
 It has, of course, as becomes a royal residence, a great 
 variety of apartments, of rooms and chambers of differ- 
 ent sorts and styles, to suit the tastes and fancies of all 
 the different members of the royal family. At the same 
 time, too, it has some fine and noble halls and walks, and 
 gardens all around it, for the common use and pleasure 
 of them all. Now these apartments are free and open 
 to us all, and we may look and choose among them as 
 we like ; and sure I am that they are all good ; and I 
 would rather be a ' door-keeper' in any one of them than 
 reign and revel in the ^ tents of wickedness.' Let every 
 one choose his own apartment — wisely, of course — and # 
 keep it when he has taken it ; and if he happens to think 
 that he has chosen the very best in the whole house, let 
 him make no boast, but give God thanks ; and let him 
 not quarrel with the choice of another, but rather let 
 
172 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 him be satisfied with and rejoice in his own ; and above 
 all, let us all be careful to meet from time to time in 
 those common halls, and walks, and gardens, and mingle 
 our hearts, and souls, and spirits together." 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 173 
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 THE HUNGRY SOUL, 
 
 " All joy to the believer ! He caa speak — 
 Trembling, yet happy ; confident, yet meek. 
 Since the dear hour that brought me to thy foot, 
 And cut up all my follies by the root, 
 I never trusted in an arm but thine, 
 Nor hoped but in thy righteousness divine. 
 My prayers and alms, imperfect and defiled, 
 Were but the feeble efforts of a child ; 
 Cleansed in thine own all-purifying blood. 
 Forgive their evil and accept their good ; 
 I cast them at thy feet — my only plea 
 Is what it was — dependence upon thee." 
 
 It is surprising that any should have considered Chris- 
 tianity as addressed chiefly, if not exclusively, to the 
 head^ while its great demand is to the heart ; that any 
 should have been disposed to exclude almost all feeling 
 as leading to enthusiasm, while the two great commands 
 of Scripture are love to God, and love to man. True, 
 religion is experimental ; its doctrinal truths become 
 practical principles, influencing the feelings, afiections 
 and passions of the whole man. However beautiful it 
 may be in name, its excellency and energy are truly 
 known only when it is experienced ; however much it 
 may be a system to be believed, yet it will be produc- 
 tive of little good unless it afiect the heart, and its influ- 
 ence be felt in its application to our miseries and wants. 
 Hence the usefulness of examining our own religious 
 9 
 
174 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 experience and that of others, to know how far it ac- 
 cords with the revelation of God's will, and to what 
 degree it is subduing our corruptions, leading us to de- 
 votion, and inciting us to duty. 
 
 The person with whom the following conversation took 
 place, was a young man of remarkably tender conscience ; 
 who had a deep sense of the tendency of sin, a desire to 
 " shun the appearance of evil," and a constant anxiety 
 lest his conduct, in any manner, should *' be an occasion 
 of falling in another's way." About a year before the 
 interview, he had made a profession of religion, and was 
 respected and loved by the church. Having enjoyed 
 from his childhood the unspeakable privilege of being 
 " brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," 
 he had more than usual Christian knowledge ; and to 
 that pious education, after he became the subject of the 
 Spirit's influences, may be ascribed the peculiar beauty 
 and uncomrnon spirituality of his religion. Though 
 young, he was to many of the elder members of the 
 church an " example in conversation, in charity, in 
 spirit, in faith, in purity." He was one of those youth- 
 ful disciples in whom I felt a peculiar interest ; one that 
 I supposed was raised up by Providence to shine with 
 more than ordinary brightness, and exert a more than 
 common influence in the church of Christ. With such 
 hope I was anxious to give him counsel and direction in 
 a way not afforded by my public and social ministra- 
 tions, desirous privately to urge upon him the necessity 
 of high attainments in religion, and suggest means by 
 which greater spirituality could be reached. I mention 
 this as a kind of apology for the several practical sub- 
 jects which are here introduced ; the particular manner 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 175 
 
 in which they are discussed, and the length to which 
 some of the enquiries are extended ; to fulfil my own 
 wishes, and to benefit him. I invited him to visit me 
 whenever I was at leisure, and in the freest manner to 
 tell me any difficulties which he might meet with in his 
 Christian course. An opportunity occurred. On one 
 occasion he entered my study with a burdened heart and 
 sad countenance, and soon made known his errand. 
 
 " I have called to see you respecting the state of my 
 mind, and to have some conversation with you on the 
 subject of my personal experience ; I have great need of 
 instruction and counsel." 
 
 " I should be glad to do you any good. But what 
 has occurred? What particular difiiculty have you met 
 with?" 
 
 " I have wholly lost, it seems to me, my relish for 
 divine things, and all communion with God ; and have 
 so declined that I no longer possess my former faith, 
 and zeal, and love. It has been so for days, and even 
 weeks." 
 
 " It is indeed a sad state ; but you know the direc- 
 tion, " If any be afilicted, let him pray — call upon me 
 in the time of trouble, and I will deliver you.''" 
 
 " That is the great difficulty — / cannot "pray. I am 
 inclined to neglect even the attempt ; and if goaded 
 by conscience to a throne of grace, and compelled by it 
 to speak unto God, my heart is entirely unengaged ; the 
 duty is performed in a cold and formal manner ;< there is 
 no 'praye7\ It is dreadful to think of a Christian who has 
 lost the spirit and disposition to pray ! I cannot live 
 without God, and yet I cannot converse with him ; un- 
 less my soul feel his quickening and animating presence, 
 
176 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 I cannot be happy ; and yet that presence is withdrawn 
 — it neither enlightens nor warms me — nor do I really 
 desire it, for I cannot ask or seek it in prayer." 
 
 " It is indeed a sad state, and no wonder that you feel 
 it to be the severest loss that you could have sustained ; 
 that you mourn so bitterly over the want of that which 
 constitutes your true happiness. But you ought to be 
 thankful that, while you are in this declining condition, 
 you are in any degree sensible of it, and alarmed. To 
 slumber and sleep, as David did after his criminal con- 
 duct, is awful. Sin is of a hardening nature — it stupe- 
 fies and benumbs, shuts the eyes and hardens the heart. 
 How many professors of religion have I known on Avhom 
 it had this effect; they lost their zeal, and love, and 
 interest in religious duties, and yet they were contented 
 and unconcerned — an awful sign that religion was deeply 
 languishing in their souls. Bless God if you are not like 
 them ; if you are sensible of your decays ; if your eyes 
 are open, and your soul impressed with a sense of your 
 loss." 
 
 "I am sensible of it, and say with Job, ' ! that I 
 Avere as in months past, when his candle shone upon my 
 head !' O ! to have my former experience of his good- 
 ness ; my soul again in a healthful and vigorous condition ! 
 I know not how to be restored." 
 
 " I Avould affectionately say to you, as God said to 
 Joshua, when he was prostrated at the footstool of mercy, 
 because of the defeat of Israel at Ai : ' Get thee up 
 and search for the accursed thing.' Search for the 
 cause ; say, ' why is it thus V Exclaim with Job, 
 ' Show me mine iniquity and my sin.' When God with- 
 holds the special influences of the Spirit, and when the 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 177 
 
 suspension of those influences destroys communion with 
 him, withers our graces, and impairs the life of rehgion in 
 the soul, we may be sure that we have, in some way, 
 dishonoured him, and provoked him to leave us. If the 
 patriarch of Uz was anxious to know why God contended 
 w^ith him, when he laid his hand sorely upon him, 
 should not we be solicitous to examine into the reasons 
 of spiritual declension, far more distressing than any 
 bodily affliction 1 Christians, from sad experience, know 
 that some sin cherished and indulged is sufiicient to 
 grieve the Holy Spirit, to lead him to take his departure, 
 and to leave us in coldness and indifference. In your case 
 I am sure that there have been no gross enormities ; 
 that your conscience does not charge you with any im- 
 morality or crime ; but in a matter of this kind we must 
 examine acts of omission, as well as commission ; not 
 merely the conduct, but also the heart. Look through 
 it — look deep into it ; and you may find some thought 
 cherished, or temper indulged, which may be the ground 
 of your present complaint." 
 
 " My heart is full of corruption, and my life of sin ; I 
 have little, perhaps no love to God, whom I take no 
 pleasure in visiting, and who withholds his visitation 
 from me." 
 
 " But the particular sin must be searched and dis- 
 covered, which has destroyed that delight in duty and 
 that spirituality of frame which you once enjoyed. If 
 the heart be soured by unkindness, or disturbed by the 
 commotions of anger, can we be surprised that prayer is 
 attended with no profit 1 Can we, under the influence 
 of sensuality, have any real devotion, when purity of 
 heart is plainly indispensable to enter into the presence 
 
178 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 of God 1 If we supremely love the world, and pursue 
 its interests with ceaseless ardour, is it a strange thing 
 to find that our hearts are bowed down to the earth.; 
 that there is no fire to consume the offering, and to make 
 it a ' sAveet-smelling' sacrifice to Heaven ? If there be 
 indulged any ' bitterness, envy, clamour, evil-speaking,' 
 discontent or murmuring, can there be truly devotional 
 feelings? If there be the least unforgiving temper 
 towards an enemy, must not the spirit of prayer be hin- 
 dered, and the petition rejected? If there be any self- 
 righteous spirit, any trust in our duties, instead of entire 
 confidence in the Redeemer ; any self-complacency when 
 we are either apparently humbled, or unusually com- 
 forted, will not the Saviour be dishonoured, and God 
 provoked, and the Spirit grieved, and our souls left to 
 sterility and unfruitfulness ? Sins like these are pecu- 
 liarly offensive ; they harden the heart, benumb the con- 
 science, and tarnish the soul. Examine, then, thor- 
 oughly — I do not mean now, but when you retire home 
 and are alone with your God ; and learn Avhether there 
 be any one offence voluntarily committed, any one known 
 duty omitted, any one secret iniquity indulged, unseen 
 by the eyes of the world. What David said, each 
 Christian can say ; ^ If I regard iniquity in my heart,- 
 the Lord will not hear me.' " 
 
 " Among the many sins that I have committed, and 
 for which my conscience condemns me, it will be impos- 
 sible, I fear, to discover the particular sin or corruption 
 which has caused my complaint." 
 
 " It may not be as difiicult as you imagine. ' Search 
 and try your ways ;' beg God to examine and prove 
 your heart, permit conscience to operate freely, and ' be 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 179 
 
 sure, your sin wili find you out.' Think of the time and 
 manner in which you fell into this state of declension ; 
 and perhaps you may find some indulged corruption 
 which then drove away the Holy Spirit, and which still 
 occasions his departure ; which, instead of being morti- 
 fied, has grown stronger and stronger. Perhaps it is 
 that sin which you are palliating and excusing, and 
 which, for that reason, has gained and retained an awful 
 predominancy over you — or that sin which is most agree- 
 able to your nature, and against which you have never 
 prayed and striven — or that sin which you are ashamed 
 or unwilling heartily to confess to God, which rises to 
 your remembrance when you attempt to pray, but whose 
 enormous guilt, made known by your reason and con- 
 science, you will not feel ; whose malignity and heinous- 
 ness you will not frankly acknowledge. This sin, what- 
 ever it may be, thoroughly search for and discover — ^lay 
 your hand upon it, as the ground of the controver sy be- 
 tween God and your soul ; as committed against a 
 Christian profession, peculiar mercies, remorse of con- 
 science, and the convictions of the Spirit. Having dis- 
 covered the iniquity, beware lest you excuse, or in any 
 degree palliate it ; if you do, the Spirit will be still more 
 grieved, and the separation between God and your soul 
 still more widened. Yet to this extenuation those in your 
 situation are much exposed ; their corrupt hearts suggest 
 many excuses ; in their estimation the iniquity is but 
 small, and the temptation that led to it was powerful — 
 more than ' flesh and blood' could resist. ' He that 
 covereth his sins shall not prosper.' Instead of exten- 
 uating, rather look upon your sin with all its aggrava- 
 tions. Consider the evils which it has produced 5 observe 
 
180 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 how it has polluted your soul, weakened your graces, 
 and deprived you of strength, taken away all your spir- 
 itual enjoyments, quenched the flames of love, destroyed 
 your holy resolutions, changed your peace into doubts, 
 and your joys into fears, hindered prayer, prevented you 
 from seeing God in your closet, and enjoying with him 
 any communion. Surely we cannot wonder if God 
 should be provoked, hide his face, and withdraw from 
 us, when he sees us harboring his enemy- — wishing to 
 spare, and almost ready to love it. He does it justly, 
 for he is holy ; we oblige him to do it, and must love 
 him for that infinite hatred to sin which is thus displayed. 
 Shall he thus punish all his other children when they 
 transgress, and shall he spare us ? Having seen your 
 sin, confess it before God. Let the confession be sincere, 
 the efiusion of a truly burdened conscience and afflicted 
 soul ; let it be free, not the forced confession of a male- 
 factor upon the rack, but a voluntary disclosure ; let it 
 be full, presenting all the aggravations ; let it be humble, 
 accompanied with self-abhorrence and loathing. There 
 may be much remorse of conscience, and deep dejection 
 of soul, where there is no genuine contrition and sincere 
 acknowledgment. We hear David saying : ' When I 
 kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all 
 the day long ; for day and night thy hand was heavy 
 upon me ; my moisture was turned into the drought of 
 summer: thine arrows stick within me, and thy hand 
 presseth me sore ; my wounds are corrupt, because of 
 my foolishness.' But when he exclaimed, ' I will declare 
 mine iniquity ; I will be sorry for my sin,' lying at the 
 footstool of God, he was dissolved in grief. Act thus ; 
 let no corruption or unbelief prevent you from knowing 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 181 
 
 and freely confessing the whole extent of your transgres- 
 sion. ' What profit have we in those things whereof we 
 are now ashamed ?' " 
 
 He was for some time silent and sad, and then said 
 with great feeling : "It is all true — the effects of sin 
 upon my heart are dreadful ; how it has turned my glory 
 into shame, my liberty into slavery, my peace of con- 
 science into the bitterness of remorse ! ' Behold, I am 
 vile !' " 
 
 " You may have a view of the evil of sin in its effect 
 upon your soul ; in your withering graces, and the pri- 
 vation of all spiritual enjoyment ; but there is another 
 scene, my friend, which you should contemplate, to learn 
 all its bitterness and malignity. Look to the cross of 
 Christ — look and wonder — look, and raise higher in- 
 dignation against all iniquity — behold the personally 
 innocent Saviour there hanging, with his body covered 
 w^ith blood, and his heart wounded with anguish — 
 abandoned by his friends, derided by his enemies, for- 
 saken even by his God ! What will open the springs 
 of godly sorrow, like such a sight ? What will dis- 
 solve the hardness of our hearts so effectually as the 
 consideration of such love? What will cause us to 
 ' mourn, as one mourneth for a first-born,' as ' looking 
 upon him whom we have pierced V By yielding to sin, 
 harbouring it in our bosoms, and even casting upon it a 
 pleasing glance, we are guilty, not only of violating the 
 law, but of undervaluing the blood of the covenant. 
 Shall Christ die for sin, and we indulge it ? Did he for 
 us bear this amazino; sufferino; ; and shall we not ' smite 
 our breast,' and be pained at our very souls 1 What 
 motive can be so effectual as this to lead us thoroughly 
 9* 
 
182 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to hate sin, and utterly to renounce all iniquity ? How 
 can we retain those transgressions which were the true 
 cause of our Redeemer's suffering ; that were ' the be- 
 trayers and murderers of the Prince of life ;' which 
 rioted in his agonies, and kindled those flames which 
 could be extinguished only with his blood ? Go, then, 
 to the foot of the cross — there learn the infinite evil of 
 sin — there exercise a holy indignation against it — there 
 remember that a saint is never so lovely in the estima- 
 tion of Heaven, as when he is lying at that cross, cover- 
 ing his face with the wings of humility and reverence, 
 ' abhorring himself, and repenting as in dust and ashes.' 
 Return unto God through this Redeemer ; cast all your 
 guilt upon his atonement ; feel that it is infinite ; that it 
 is satisfactory to Divine justice, and abundantly sufiicient 
 for your pardon. Despair not ; you have an intercessor 
 before the throne, a ' faithful and merciful High Priest ;' 
 think of his ' having laid upon him all our iniquities ;' of 
 his being ' able to save unto the uttermost ;' of his 
 'blood cleansing from all sin.' Think how a merciful 
 God expostulates and invites ; ' ! that you had heark- 
 ened unto me ; then your peace had been as a river, 
 and your righteousness as the waves of the sea.' — ' Take 
 with you words and turn unto the Lord, and say to him, 
 take away all iniquity, and receive us graciously ; for in 
 thee the fatherless find mercy.' — ' I will receive you gra- 
 ciously, and love you freely ; I will be as the dew unto Is- 
 rael, and he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth his fruits 
 as Lebanon.' Take these , texts into consideration ; be- 
 lieve and apply them, that you may do no injury to the 
 Divine mercies, the Saviour's merits, or your own com- 
 forts. Remember what a message our Lord sent to 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 183 
 
 Peter after his fall ; what offers he made to Jerusalem, 
 after it had murdered the Prince of life ; how useful and 
 happy David was made, after the commission of the most 
 enormous crimes. What though your obedience be 
 defective, so that you cry out, ' wo is me ; I am undone !' 
 turn your thoughts to the great Mediator's righteous- 
 ness — that is perfect and divine, and was wrought out 
 for you, that by it you might be justified. You say that 
 your prayers are dull and languid — remember the inter- 
 cession ; of Christ — he ' ever appears in the presence of 
 God' for you ; and how can that cause fail which has 
 such an advocate ? If the ' poor widow' was heard even 
 by ' the unjust judge,' shall not the Son of God prevail, 
 when he intercedes with a gracious Father, who loves 
 both him and you ? If you want repentance as you say 
 you do, faith, holiness, Spiritual life, ' Christ is exalted 
 a Prince and a Saviour to give' all these blessings ; he 
 ' ascended on high to receive gifts for men, even the 
 rebellious ;' and it is his office to bestow them on poor 
 sinners who desire them ; will not the ' Father be glori- 
 fied' in your return — in your ' bringing forth much.fruit V 
 Will not the Saviour rejoice in giving rest to your weary 
 soul, and causing praises to succeed your groans of sor- 
 row ? Will you not, by pursuing the scriptural method 
 which has been suggested, find your soul eased, your 
 heart purified, your spiritual liberty restored, and God 
 returning to you in ' loving kindness and tender mercy ?' " 
 
 I felt that I had said enough — we bowed together at a 
 throne of grace, and confessed our sins before God, asked 
 for pardon ; prayed, " Take not thy Holy Spirit from us ; 
 restore to us the joys of thy salvation," and separated. 
 
 Several days elapsed before I again saw him ; but 
 
184 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 when we met, it was evident that he had experienced the 
 truth of the promise : " To this man will I look, even to 
 him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, to revive the 
 spirit of the humble ;" that, when he had offered the 
 prayer, " God be merciful unto me, and bless me, and 
 make his face to shine upon me," his request was grant- 
 ed ; that " the loving kindness, which is better than 
 life," of which he had been deprived, was restored to 
 him. 
 
 Our conversation was resumed. I commenced by ob- 
 serving : " You have, I trust, found the ' promises ex- 
 ceeding great and precious,' the ' promises in Christ 
 Jesus,' who is their author, glory and substance, and 
 from whom they derive all their influence to comfort and 
 purify ; you have found that the ' wounded spirit he can 
 heal,' to ' the weary' he can ' give rest,' to one deeply 
 sensible of guilt he can grant pardon." 
 
 '^ I have seen and learned much since I have been 
 with you, and I hope that the impression will never be 
 removed ; that I shall never again be in such darkness 
 and distress." 
 
 " I would caution you, my friend, though I know not 
 that you have particular need of such counsel, against 
 reliance upon feelings and frames. It is surely incum- 
 bent on every Christian to obtain all the spiritual tran- 
 quillity and divine joy of which we are capable, in prose- 
 cuting the ways of God, and supporting us amidst 
 difficulties and temptations. But principle should be 
 the object of supreme attention ; and if that be properly 
 cultivated, sufficient enjoyment will necessarily follow. 
 It is not the degree of comfort so much as the degree of 
 grace which indicates the eminence of our piety. Let 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 
 
 185 
 
 US look Tvell to the reality, purity and scriptural char- 
 acter of the principles by which we are governed ; and 
 then peace will succeed, ' the peace which passeth under- 
 standing ;' perhaps 'joy in the Holy Ghost ;' let us en- 
 quire not ' hoAV do Ifeel — what comfort do I experience V 
 but 'how do I act — by what am I governed — what tes- 
 timony does my life furnish of Christian simplicity and 
 humility ; of love to God and benevolence to man V In- 
 terested as you know I am in you, I am desirous that 
 you should have correct views on every part of religion. 
 I am not one of those who are in the habit of telling 
 young converts that their ' first love' must necessarily 
 cool ; that their full flow of affection to God must neces- 
 sarily sink ; that from the height of spiritual enjoyment 
 they must necessarily descend. The apostles, it seems 
 to me, did not act thus. When Barnabas visited the 
 young Christians at Antioch, instead of leading them to 
 expect a state of declension immediately after their re- 
 ception of the Saviour, he ' exhorted them with full pur- 
 pose of heart to cleave unto the Lord ;' and Paul's 
 language to those who were converted through his instru- 
 mentality was, ' I pray that your love may abound more 
 and more in knowledge and all judgment.' There is no 
 necessity in the nature of things for the abatement of 
 your love, or zeal, or joy. On the contrary, I would say 
 to you, if you be faithful, as the Saviour said to Na- 
 thaniel, ' you shall see greater things than tliese' — your 
 love will be deeper, your faith firmer, your views of 
 Christ and his gospel clearer. There is danger of the 
 young forming a low and imperfect standard of religion 
 from the conduct of professors around them, whose ex- 
 ample may be to them a ' snare,' and a ' stumbling 
 
186 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 block.' From the study of the Scriptures they should 
 correct these mista,kes, and after the great and exalted 
 characters there found, form their conduct. Youth is 
 the season when the noble and generous principles of our 
 affections are in their fullest exercise ; and Avhen we are 
 restrained by the narrow prejudices and passions of ma- 
 turer age — what advantages, then, has it for growth in 
 piety, when it contemplates the dignity, compassion and 
 disinterestedness of the Saviour, in whom these and a 
 thousand other exalted qualities shine ? A flame of love is 
 enkindled for him as the attractive centre of every grace ; 
 and if the warmth of natural affection be not substituted 
 for holiness of heart ; if it be a solid and permanent es- 
 timation of the Redeemer's character, instead of the 
 effect of a fervid imagination, what attainments may they 
 make in spirituality — what lustre shed upon religion ! 
 Let it be so with you. Have you made some advances in 
 the Christian career 1 Have you, through Divine grace, 
 obtained any conquests over your foes ? Remember that 
 much still remains to be accomplished, and that your 
 victories must be followed up by new resistance and new 
 triumphs." 
 
 " I do desire, I think, to ' grow in grace ;' to have a 
 deeper knowledge of my own heart, and the character of 
 God ; of the person and work of Christ, and the whole 
 glorious plan of redemption." 
 
 " There is no reason why you should not grow in all 
 these parts of the Christian character ; why you should 
 not advance in abhorrence of sin and love of holiness ; 
 in watchfulness and prayer ; in lowliness and resigna- 
 tion ; in benevolence and gentleness ; in a stable peace 
 and a more abiding hope ; in the discharge of every rela- 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 18T 
 
 tive duty, and higher usefidness m the church. You are 
 planted in the ' garden of God' — let the tree flourish and 
 ' bear fruit abundantly ;' you are a candidate for hea- 
 ven — become more and more meet for ' the inheritance 
 of light.' " 
 
 " Are there not many considerations -which urge this 
 duty upon us ?" 
 
 " There are. Higher attainments are possible ; the 
 same grace -^^'hich made eminent saints >yhat they are, is 
 ready and sufficient for you and me ; and each may say, 
 ' I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth 
 me.' How many examples have we in Scripture of high 
 attainments in holiness — how remarkable was the grace 
 of Enoch and Abraham, of Moses and Job, of Joshua 
 and Samuel, of Paul and John ! How many exhorta- 
 tions and promises have we on the subject ! Such 
 growth in religion enables us to glorify God, affords pe- 
 culiar consolation, gives communion with Christ, grants 
 fellowship with the saints, yields clear evidences of piety, 
 and alone assures us of the safety of our condition. If 
 we are not growing in grace, we are declining — there is 
 no standing still — he wdio is not going forward is going 
 backward. The stone which is to be forced up a hill 
 must be constantly urged forward ; or it will be carried 
 down by its own weight. It is as necessary for us to ' press 
 forward' with holy ardour, as it is for the soldier to be 
 valiant in the fight, the wrestler to be eager in the struggle, 
 or the racer to reach forth with exertion after the prize." 
 
 " It is not easy then to make this advance in religion, 
 and thus unceasingly to go forward 1" 
 
 " Far from it — it is the most difficult thing in the 
 world. Some attendance on the means of grace ; some 
 
188 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sinceritj in prayer ; some desires after holiness are in- 
 sufficient — it demands resolute watchfulness, laborious 
 diligence, painful conflicts, habitual mortification of sin, 
 daily self-denial, constant sacrifices ; and this to be con- 
 tinued until we ' awake in God's likeness.' Then, and 
 not until then, the battle will be over, the victory won, 
 the race finished, and the prize obtained." 
 
 " But what are the means by which I can advance ? 
 What general directions can you give which I shall be 
 able to follow in the attainment of the object ?" 
 
 '* Learn, in the first place, what real growth in grace 
 is. It consists not in the strictest performance of the 
 external duties of religion, nor in the knowledge of 
 Christian doctrine, nor in the most ardent zeal, nor in 
 the most public profession, nor in the highest reputation 
 for piety, nor in the greatest activity in prosecuting 
 plans of usefulness. It extends farther than this — it 
 consists in a growing conformity of the whole man to the 
 will of God ; in having less of corruption and more of 
 the renewed nature, day by day ; in becoming more like 
 what Adam was in Paradise ; more like what every saint 
 is in glory ; more like what Jesus Christ was, when he 
 was on earth. It has no boundary here ; no point 
 where the Christian can stop — and his spiritual pros- 
 perity therefore is to be judged, not by any sudden or 
 hasty steps, but by a constant and habitual progress. 
 In attaining such growth, it is scarcely necessary to 
 urge diligence in the use of what are termed the ' ordi- 
 nary means of grace' — prayer, self-examination, the 
 study of the Scriptures, the observance of the Sabbath, 
 and attendance upon the ministrations of the sanctuary. 
 In the performance of such duties, w^e must not be 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 189 
 
 slothful nor formal, but punctual, serious, watcliful, that 
 we may ' renew our strength, while waiting upon God.' 
 Is it necessary to give other directions 1 Guard against 
 the beginnings of sin — dread the smallest departure from 
 the Christian faith — watch against the least decay of 
 spiritual affections — obey the voice of conscience in the 
 smallest matters — guard against the ' sin which doth 
 easily beset' you, to which you are, in a high degree, 
 exposed from your natural temperament, disposition, age, 
 and the peculiar circumstances in which you are placed. 
 Beware of the indulgence of a captious and censorious 
 temper ; for it will do much to check the exercise of 
 pious affections — avoid every degree of a selfish and un- 
 generous spirit ; for religious feeling will be weak, in 
 proportion to the strength of this unworthy principle. 
 When a Christian, unmindful of what he owes to the 
 comfort of others, studies only to please himself, and 
 cares not how the feelings of others are wounded, if his 
 own be gratified, he shall assuredly miss his object : the 
 enjoyment which he seeks shall flee from him, and he 
 will find that he is not permitted to be happy who seeks 
 the happiness of none bitt himself. In the use of these 
 directions, be sensible of your entire dependence upon 
 the Holy Spirit ; trust only in his operations; and feel 
 that as necessary as are the means of grace, they derive 
 all their efficacy from his power. You know that nothing 
 good is found in fallen man, that nothing but evil grows 
 spontaneously in that soil ; that if there be any thing 
 holy, it is produced by the Spirit of God who ' worketh 
 in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure.' His 
 divine influence is not the less necessary in prosecuting 
 the work which he has begun ; for such is our proneness 
 
190 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 to relax our exertions, to grow weary and faint in our 
 course, that we need to be continually ' strengthened with 
 might by his Spirit in the inner man.' To grow in 
 grace, we must be established in the great doctrines of 
 Christianity. It is the Spirit who enlightens, and 
 ' guides us into all truth' — he reveals indeed nothing that 
 is new, and that is not found in the book of Revelation ; 
 but by a holy influence upon the mind, he manifests and 
 clearly presents what had been hidden from us by pride, 
 prejudice, or hardness of heart. To advance in religion 
 is to grow in all the Christian graces and virtues. That 
 Spirit who is the author of these graces can alone actu- 
 ate and excite them, and when dormant, rouse them into 
 exercise. By presenting the truths of the Gospel in a 
 manner penetrating and transforming; unfolding the 
 character, providence, promises, and covenant of God ; 
 exhibiting the grace and glory of the Redeemer, he calls 
 into vigorous action our faith, hope, gratitude, and loye ; 
 and fills our souls with admiration and joy. By some 
 signal mercy, he incites us to thankfulness and praise ; 
 by some severe affliction, he awakens us to consideration 
 and thoughtfulness : when we are languid, he quickens 
 us ; Avhen we are wandering, he brings us back ; when 
 we are declining, he grants us fresh supplies of grace; 
 and thus enables us to ' rise and shine ;' to show that the 
 lamp will burn brightly, when furnished with new oil. 
 As all true Christians need no other argument for human 
 corruption but their own experience, so they need no 
 other proof but this of these operations of the Spirit. 
 They have known and felt him thus enlivening their 
 hope, and strengthening their faith ; comforting them in 
 reproaches, and supporting them in temptation ; becom- 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 191 
 
 ing to them the earnest, pledge, and foretaste of the heav- 
 enly kingdom. In this manner ' the Spirit helpeth our 
 infirmities ;' that is, as the original word implies, aids 
 us to bear the burden of our sorrows by taking hold of it 
 on one side — intimating how effectual is his relief, and 
 how necessary that we should exert, in concurrence with 
 him, all the strength which we possess. But it is espe- 
 cially in prayer that he aids us, as the apostle says : 
 ' The Spirit helpeth our infirmities, for we know not what 
 we should pray for as we ought ; but the Spirit itself 
 maketh intercession for us with groanings that cannot be 
 uttered.' It is his ofiice, as distinct from the Father 
 and the Son, to help us in our devotional exercises ; and 
 hence he is called ^ the Spirit of grace and supplication ;' 
 hence we are exhorted by Jude to ' pray in the Holy 
 Ghost ;' and by Paul, to ' pray with all prayer and sup- 
 plication in the Spirit.' We shall be unable, without 
 him, to overcom3 our natural reluctance to the duty ; to 
 make any effort, or put forth any resolution to attempt 
 a service so spiritual and holy. Without him we shall 
 have no suitable and well-adapted matter for prayer ; 
 we shall ask what, if granted, would tend to our inj ary ; 
 consult merely our wishes, without regarding the Divine 
 glory ; forget petitions which should be presented, and 
 neglect blessings that ought to be implored. ■ Without 
 him we shall err in manner, when we approach ' the 
 mercy-seat ;' enter upon the duty distracted by worldly 
 cares and sinful passions ; have no distinct apprehension 
 of the Divine character, no adequate views of our un- 
 worthiness and guilt, no clear sense of the fulness and 
 power of the Redeemer, no feeling perception of oar 
 multiplied wants ; we shall find our thoughts wandering, 
 
192 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 our hearts cold, our spirits oppressed, our ' souls cleav- 
 ing to the dust' — and if we are not at once answered, we 
 shall ' faint' and be discouraged." 
 
 " Dreadful indeed is our situation without him ! If 
 he be not present, there can be no life, power, or enjoy- 
 ment in prayer. I wonder not that David prayed so fer- 
 vently — ' Take not thy Holy Spirit from me.' 
 
 " Without him we cannot pray ; our cries will be only 
 a solemn mockery to Heaven. But blessed be God that 
 we are not left to ourselves under the wretchedness and 
 ruin of our fallen nature ; that there is a power which 
 can raise and support us ; that we have the promise of 
 the Holy Spirit to help us ; the great promise of the new 
 dispensation, constituting the peculiar privilege of the 
 Christian church. Whenever we pray acceptably, this 
 Holy Spirit, no doubt, dwells within us, influences our 
 understandings, aifects our hearts, and thus teaches us 
 that he is, in a degree, the author of our prayers. The 
 Scriptures, in many places, tell us that our light and 
 life, warmth and comfort, come from him — that ' God 
 hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, cry- 
 ing, Abba Father' — that is, has sent the Holy Spirit to 
 incline and dispose us, when we pray, to call God our 
 Father ; tell us that ' the eifectual' or inwrought prayer 
 (as the original word implies) ' availeth much' — the prayer 
 that is lurought within us by the Spirit, possessing, 
 guiding, directing, and exciting us. ' He maketh inter- 
 cession for us' — not in the sense in which Jesus Christ 
 does ; not with the Father, but with our spirits ; not in 
 heaven, but in our souls ; not in presenting to God in 
 our behalf an atoning sacrifice, but in presenting to us 
 wants and desires, arguments and pleas ', not in purify- 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 193 
 
 ing our devotions and offering them for acceptance, but 
 by inditing our prayers for us, not in a book, but in our 
 hearts. He does what a faithful advocate does for a 
 client — dictate what he ought to say, and how he should 
 present his cause. In executing this office, he inclines 
 our hearts to pray, overcomes our natural rekictance, 
 enlarges our desires, excites holy breathings toward 
 Heaven, and thus enables us to ' stir up ourselves to lay 
 hold upon God.' The Spirit says : ' Seek the Lord 
 while he is to be found ;' the soul under his influence 
 responds : ' Thy face, Lord, will I seek.' The Spirit 
 says : ' Come, for all things are ready ;' the soul an-. 
 swers : ' Lord, I come, I come quickly.' The Spirit 
 says : ' Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he 
 will strengthen thy heart ; wait, I say, upon the Lord ;' 
 the soul responds :' Lwill w^ait upon thy name, 0! 
 Lord, for it is good.' The Spirit says : ' Return, thou 
 backsliding child, and I will heal thy backslidings ;' the 
 soul answers : ' Behold we come unto thee, for thou art 
 the Lord our God.' The Holy Spirit enlightens and 
 teaches us how^, and for what, we should pray ; gives us 
 strong views of God, ourselves, and our wants ; brings 
 to our remembrance the declarations of Scripture, inti- 
 mates what arguments we should plead, w^hat promises 
 we should present, what sins we should confess, and 
 what blessings we should implore. He excites those 
 particular graces which accoi-d with the duty of prayer, 
 and which are necessary for its acceptance. When sin 
 is remembered, and made the subject of confession, he 
 incites shame and sorrow ; when mercies are recalled, he 
 awakens all the springs of gratitude ; when afflictions 
 are spread before the Lord, he inspires submission and 
 
194 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 resignation ; when the excellencies of the Saviour, and 
 the work of redemption, rest feelingly upon the heart, 
 he calls forth admiration and faith, gratitude and love; 
 when the promises are brought to mind in all their variety 
 and extent, he enables us to lay hold of them by faith. 
 You recollect that the apostle adds : ' He maketh inter- 
 cession with groanings that cannot be uttered' — groan- 
 ings not of the Spirit, but of the petitioner, the subject 
 of his influences. I suppose that the meaning is this : 
 he, at times, inspires believers with such intense ardour 
 and holy desires, such inward pleading with God, as can- 
 not be expressed in words. Some desires are too mighty 
 to be uttered ; language is not expressive enough to give 
 them form or sound, or ability to be spoken. When 
 such emotions are excited by the Spirit, the believer 
 vents them only in ' groanings that cannot be uttered.' 
 Sometimes his pantings after pardon and holiness, Christ 
 and heaven, are so strong and fervid that the soul takes 
 the loftiest flight ; and, collecting all its force, bears it- 
 self towards God in thoughts, and sighs, and groans, too 
 big for utterance. Sometimes he has such a heartfelt 
 perception of his sins, of their number, desert, and influ- 
 ence, that he is wholly overwhelmed by the sight ; and 
 instead of acknowledging them with his lips, confesses 
 and laments them only in mournful and penitential 
 breathings. Sometimes he has so vivid an exhibition of 
 the glory of that God whom he addresses, that, like 
 Elijah, he can only ' fall upon his face,' and silently 
 ' adore and tremble.' Sometimes he is so inspired with 
 the Spirit which leads ' angels to rejoice over one sinner 
 that repenteth ; so solicitous for the cause of Christ ; so 
 intensely concerned for the salvation of the impenitent, 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 
 
 195 
 
 that his soul only can exclaim : ' How can I endure to 
 see the destruction of my kindred V But how delightful 
 the thought that such prayers are the most pleasing and 
 acceptable that can ascend to the throne of Majesty ; to 
 know that our Heavenly Father reads the language of 
 the Holy Spirit in every tear thus shed, every sigh thus 
 uttered, every groan thus vented !" 
 
 ^^ If ' the Spirit thus help our infirmities, and make 
 intercession for us with groanings that cannot be uttered,' 
 how I should love to know when he is present with me 
 in prayer ! Such knowledge of his presence would fully 
 satisfy me that I v»'as a child of God, give me assurance 
 of my acceptance, lead me steadily to depend on him, 
 and encourage my expectation of all future supplies." 
 
 " You may know that he is present, if you have a 
 deep sense of your wants, the imperfection of your duties, 
 the power of sin within you, and your utter inability to 
 resist its influence. You may know it, if you have a 
 clear view of the glories of the Gospel, the blessings of 
 the covenant, the fulness of Christ, the excellency of 
 his salvation, and the glory of his promises. You may 
 know it, if you have the feelings and dispositions wiiich 
 become such a duty and privilege ; if you have the hu- 
 mility which Abraham had when pleading for Sodom, 
 and the awe and reverence which possessed the souls of 
 Moses and Elijah Avhen they had a glimpse of the divine 
 glory ; if you can sink into nothing, as did Job, when 
 he exclaimed : " Behold, I am vile." You may know it, 
 if you are enabled to pray with earnestness and im- 
 portunity ; to cry from the very heart, as did the publi- 
 can, ' God be merciful to me a sinner !' to exclaim, with 
 all the ardour of the disciples, ' Master, save us — we 
 
196 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 perish ;' to continue pleading, as did the woman of 
 Canaan, and, like her, to turn discouragements into 
 arguments. Who but the Spirit can enable Christians to 
 take strong hold of the promises, and to plead them con- 
 fidently before God 1 You may know it, if you pray in 
 the name of Christ ; depend entirely upon him for accept- 
 ance ; rely wholly upon his sacrifice as sufficient ; and 
 plead nothing but his merits for the bestowal of every 
 blessing. To exercise such faith ; thus to lie down in: 
 the dust of humility, and exalt the Redeemer, is more 
 than a creature, in himself, can do. You may know it, 
 if in prayer you have a sweet acquiescence in God, and 
 a pure love to him ; if you can rest in him as an all-suf- 
 ficient portion, and say with sincerity, ' Lord, whom 
 have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth 
 that I desire beside thee — thou art all my salvation, and 
 in thee do I trust ; do with me as seemeth good in thy 
 sight — if it be for thy glory that the affliction which is 
 threatened should come upon me, or that this trial which 
 I am now suffering should continue, I would not dictate, 
 nor presume to direct — thy will be done — thou art deal- 
 ing well with thy servant, according to thy word.' " 
 
 " ! what a privilege to have the Holy Spirit always 
 with us, when we pray ! How happy would his presence 
 make us — inconceivably more happy than if we possessed 
 the whole world — how our corruptions would be subdued, 
 and our natures sanctified — our whole soul brought into 
 conformity to God — every want supplied, and every 
 blessing enjoyed — all needful grace so increased as to 
 yield the ' abundant fruits of righteousness.' " 
 
 " And why should we not always have his presence? 
 If, in our addresses to God, he be ever absent, whom 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 197 
 
 have we to blame but ourselves 1 Have we not the 
 promise, ^jour Heavenly Father will give the Holy 
 Spirit unto them that ask' — give with all the bounty of 
 an affectionate parent — give his pure, transforming, hum- 
 bling influences — his light, help and comfort ? Here lies 
 the whole peace, joy and triumph of the Christian life." 
 
 " I do not know enough of the Holy Spirit — his gifts, 
 graces and helps — nor study sufficiently his character 
 and operations — nor feel enough my entire dependence 
 on him." 
 
 "It is too much the case with us all; and it is the 
 reason why we have such limited degrees of grace. It 
 is astonishing that Christians should so little think and 
 speak of this almighty agent who performs so important 
 a part in their salvation. Jesus Christ has ' purchased 
 the church with his blood ;' but the Holy Spirit pre- 
 pares and conducts it ; he has a stated office which he 
 has executed, and will continue to execute, ' even unto 
 the end of the world ;' he is the author of all grace ; the 
 principle and fountain of all vital religion ; his agency 
 and principal employment is to ' convince of sin' and 
 renew our natures ; to subdue our iniquities, and ' mortify 
 the 'deeds of the body ;' ' to shed abroad the love of 
 God in our hearts ;' to ' sanctify us wholly' in all our 
 faculties ; to ' transform us into the Divine image ;' to 
 ' seal us unto the day of redemption ;' to be an ' earnest 
 of an incorruptible inheritance' — in a word, we are to 
 expect from him all ' the fruits of goodness, righteous- 
 ness and truth.' The Scripture is the book which he has 
 peculiarly indited, and which we can understand only 
 by his teaching. He is the glory and the Shechinah of 
 the Christian church — the great bond of union to God — 
 10 
 
198 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 the principal mark of our spiritual adoption — a more 
 certain indication of our piety, than if an angel were to 
 descend from heaven, and assure us that we were the 
 heirs of immortal glory. Let us remember that we are 
 under infinite obligations to our Sanctifier as well as our 
 Redeemer ; and let his love be the theme of our devout 
 meditation, and the subject of our highest praises ! 
 Though the Holy Spirit takes possession of every soul 
 that is effectually called, according to the promise, ' I 
 will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in 
 my statutes ;' yet he does not at once accomplish his 
 work ; he enkindles in the heart a Divine flame, and then 
 preserves and feeds it — the Divine graces, 'love, joy, 
 peace, long-suffering, patience, meekness' are not the 
 effects of an instantaneous and single operation, but the 
 result of many repeated influences, concurring with the 
 providences and word of God — a reason why we should 
 not rest in that grace that we possess, but daily wait and 
 look for additional supplies. These supplies are granted 
 in different degrees, in proportion to the use and im- 
 provement that is made of the Spirit's help — ' to him 
 that hath, it shall be given, and he shall have more 
 abundance ; but whosoever hath not' — that is, does' not 
 improve what he has — ' from him shall be taken away 
 that which he hath.' Here, as in temporal things, the 
 diligent hand makcth rich ' — great blessings are always 
 procured by great efforts — it is the order of nature which 
 the will of our Creator has ordained, and which Chris- 
 tianity assuredly does ' not destroy, but fulfils.' The 
 more humble, watchful, and circumspect the Christian 
 is, the more he abounds in ' the fruits of the Spirit ;' 
 the more he is inspired with wisdom, strengthened with 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 199 
 
 courage, and animated with comfort. Sometimes these 
 graces are imparted to fit Christians for the peculiarly 
 difficult duties to which thej are called ; to raise them 
 above all timorousness and discouragement; to give 
 them a deep conviction that the hand of God is with 
 them ; and to make them feel what the apostle felt, that 
 * God's strength is magnified in their weakness ;' that it 
 appears in greater glory, because of their nothingness. 
 Sometimes the blessing is given to prepare them for some 
 heavy afiliction which is approaching; to make their 
 souls ready for the conflict ; to furnish them with grace 
 for ' the time of need.' Thousands, from experience, 
 can attest this truth ; can remember peculiar communion 
 with God enjoyed in retirement, and unusual consola- 
 tions ' shed abroad in the heart,' just before a severe and 
 unexpected trial. This clothed them with armour in the 
 day of conflict, made the ' burden light,' and carried 
 them through the dark dispensation with an ease and 
 acquiescence, a calmness and serenity which made them 
 ' a wonder unto many,' and ' a wonder' to themselves. 
 Sometimes the blessing is given in the season of worship ; 
 and then extraordinary light and comfort attend the 
 Divine ordinances, the Christian is ' made joyful in the 
 house of prayer,' and triumphant at the Lord's table ; 
 he enjoys a ' peace which passeth all understanding ;' he 
 feels the Spirit breaking in upon his soul with flashes of 
 joy ; warming it with beams of comfort, breathing into it 
 the inspirations of heaven, shedding through it a thou- 
 sand rich consolations. ' Where the Spirit of the Lord 
 is, there is liberty' — ^freedom from guilt, freedom from 
 fear. How eager should we be to secure continually, 
 
200 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 without a moment's intermission, this privilege and 
 glory of the Christian ; how desirous to have his influen- 
 ces never withdrawn ; how willing to endure any chas- 
 tisement or rebuke, rather than the suspension of his 
 presence ; how ready to suffer any thing rather than to 
 be shut out from the light of his countenance, and the 
 joys of his salvation !" 
 
 He remained silent, evidently engaged in deep thought, 
 and then exclaimed, '' ' One thing do I desire of the Lord, 
 and that will I seek after all the days of my life' — the 
 gifts, graces, and consolations of the Holy Spirit ; a 
 larger supply, and a greater unction of his influences ; a 
 feeling evidence that he is near me, as a sanctifier, com- 
 forter, and dispenser of strength — without him I cannot 
 perform my devotions with life, discharge my Christian 
 duties with cheerfulness, or oppose my spiritual enemies 
 with success." 
 
 " You can — can obtain the object of your desire — 
 your ' heavenly Father will give the Holy Spirit to those 
 that ask' — plead the promise, beg for the blessing, pros- 
 trate at his footstool — take with you his own words : 
 ' Pour out thy Spirit on me from on high, and then the 
 wilderness shall become a fruitful field' — ' Grant me 
 according to the riches of thy glory, that I may be 
 strengthened with might in the inner man' — thus plead- 
 ing, you will be heard — the Holy Spirit will be with 
 you, and give you power and ability to do and suffer all 
 to which you may be called — his supply will enable you 
 to conflict with every enemy, baffle every temptation, and 
 mortify every lust ; to pass through prosperity without 
 elation, and adversity without sinking — in a word, to 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 201 
 
 perform all the duties of the Christian life in a manner 
 acceptable to God, useful to others, and cheerful to 
 yourself." 
 
 " I will pray for him, and pray earnestly, and, God 
 helping me, will never be satisfied without him ; I would 
 ever be his ' temple ;' would always ' live in the Spirit,' 
 and act under his direction ; would ' walk in the fear of 
 the Lord, and the comforts of the Holy Ghost.' But 
 when I look back upon my devotions, and remember that 
 the Spirit only indites acceptable petitions, and that all 
 availing prayer is his ' intercession,' I fear that much 
 that I offered was only mockery to God." 
 
 " There is no doubt that much which is considered by 
 the world as prayer, is not so regarded by the omnis- 
 cient God — that there is often much ' service of the 
 body,' much bending of the knee, much expression of the 
 lips, but no prayer, because the Holy Spirit is absent ; 
 much outward form and invention of mind, but no pious 
 emotion of the heart. Though it may be called devo- 
 tion, yet it is a mere body without the soul, a shadow 
 without the substance. They who present such an offer- 
 ing, are spoken of in Scripture — ' This people draweth 
 nigh to me with their mouth, and worshippeth me with 
 their lips, but their heart is far from me."' 
 
 " When we consider our entire dependence upon tHe 
 Spirit, and remember that prayer is his ' helping our 
 infirmities,' and ' making intercession for us ;' may we 
 not easily assign a reason why Christians pray differ- 
 ently at different times'?" 
 
 " There is no doubt that we can account for it upon 
 this principle. Sometimes they seem to force them- 
 selves to the duty, and w^hen they engage in it, find 
 
202 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 themselves ignorant and cold, formal and lifeless — they 
 have no enlightened apprehension of the character of 
 God, no deep sense of their wants, no eager longings for 
 Divine grace, no fervent desires for supplies from above, 
 no lively impression of the sublimity and sanctity of the 
 service. The reason is obvious — the Spirit is not pres- 
 ent to ' help their infirmities,' and they ' know not what 
 to pray for as they ought.' By some sin they have 
 grieved and ofiended him, and he withdraws his influen- 
 ces ; and though they kneel, and raise their hands, and 
 speak, yet they do not pray^ for the Holy Spirit has fled. 
 At other times they have warm devotion, come cheerfully 
 to the mercy-seat, and hear their covenant Father say- 
 ing, ' Ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you' — 
 ^ Whatsoever ye shall ask in the name of my Son, believ- 
 ing, ye shall receive ;' they ' draw near with full assu- 
 rance of faith,' through the mediation of Jesus ; and find 
 their souls melted with penitence, or glowing with thank- 
 fulness ; they make mention of his character, perfections, 
 and promises ; they speak to him of the wonders of cre- 
 ation, the wisdom of Providence, and the mystery of 
 redemption ; they cast all the burden of their cares upon 
 this almighty Friend, who is able to sustain it, and find 
 that ^in his presence there is fulness of joy.' They 
 arise from their knees, saying, ' It is good to be here' — 
 ' I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and 
 my supplications' — sensibly feeling how precious are the 
 hours of prayer, and how delightful a spot is the closet. 
 It is because the Holy Spirit is there to ' help their infir- 
 mities,' and to ' make intercession for' them. There 
 may be many defects and imperfections in the service ; 
 but the Holy Spirit is there ; and they may perhaps as 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 203 
 
 certainly know it, as tliej know that the sun shines, be- 
 cause they see its light, and enjoy its influence. Happy 
 for them, if after such seasons they are humble and cir- 
 cumspect, guard against spiritual pride, and attribute 
 not to themselves what should be ascribed to the opera- 
 tions of the Spirit." 
 
 " How careful should I be in my conduct to the Holy 
 Spirit, lest I oftend him, and provoke him to withdraw 
 his protection !" 
 
 " You should, my friend, be peculiarly cautious. As 
 he is your Helper, Guide, Comforter, in one sense, In- 
 tercessor, cherish carefully all his motions ; listen to his 
 whispers when he would convince you of sin ; comply 
 with his dictates, when he would lead you to duty. He 
 is your friend — a tender and valuable friend ; anxious 
 for your welfare, watchful over your interests, willing to 
 promote your happiness and peace : he is susceptible of 
 offence when neglected — ' grieve him not' by acting con- 
 trary to his desires, or opposing the tendency of his 
 influences ; by slighting his admonitions, or refusing to 
 take heed to his suggestions ; by any deliberate or wilful 
 sins. How ungrateful, unwise, and criminal would it 
 be to offend hi7nf If he withdraw his consolation, what 
 other comforter can ' revive in the midst of trouble V If 
 he cease to instruct, what other teacher can enlighten 
 our mind ? If he refuse to lead, what other guide can 
 safely conduct us through the wilderness 1 If we offend 
 him in our intercourse with the world, he will withhold 
 his presence in the sanctuary and in the closet ; if we 
 grieve him as a ' Spirit of holiness,' he will forsake us as 
 a ' Spirit of supplication ;' if we comply not with the 
 gentle insinuations of his grace, leading us to Hght and 
 
204 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 purity, he will leave our souls, like the fleece of Gideon^ 
 without any spiritual dew, sterile and unfruitful. But 
 while all wilful sin displeases him, it would appear, from 
 Scripture, that some sins more directly ^ grieve' him ; of 
 which you should scrupulously beware. Such is the 
 tendency of evil and malignant passions. No sooner 
 does the apostle say, * Grieve not the Holy Spirit of 
 God,' than he adds, as if to indicate his meaning, ' let 
 all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and 
 evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.^ 
 The Spirit is a Spirit of love ; his fruits are meekness, 
 gentleness, patience, forbearance and forgiveness ; he 
 dwells in no heart where wrath and anger reside ; he 
 will be with you only when you are cultivating mild, 
 peaceable, and charitable dispositions — as he is a God of 
 purity, sensuality is peculiarly offensive to him ', he is 
 driven away by the ' pollution of the flesh and spirit,^ 
 even when indulged in the heart. As he is ' the Spirit 
 of truth,' every instance of deceit and falsehood provokes 
 him to withdraw his grace — when Ananias and Sap- 
 phira were thus guilty, it is said that ' they lied unto the 
 Holy Ghost.' If your conscience be enlightened by the 
 word of God, its admonitions are the admonitions of the 
 Spirit — resist not its dictates, and if it even suggest 
 some doubts of the lawfulness of an act, abstain from 
 it. Rush not into temptation — go not, uncalled by the 
 providence of God, into places and scenes where you may 
 be exposed ; if you do, you thwart the design of your 
 best friend, 'grieve the Spirit,' and provoke him to 
 abandon you to the consequences of your folly and per- 
 verseness. Eve fell by incautiously suffering her ears to 
 listen to the tempter's voice, and her eyes to gaze on the 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 205 
 
 forbidden fruit. Peter fell by imprudently venturing 
 into the very place where his courage would be put to 
 the severest trial. When temptation assails you, attempt 
 not to resist it in your own strength, but cry fervently 
 to the Holy Spirit to ' help your infirmities.' A faithful 
 sentinel, discovering the approach of an enemy, attempts 
 not to oppose them himself; but at once informs the 
 commander, and leaves him to employ means for repell- 
 ing the foe. Act in like manner, and when you see your 
 spiritual enemies approaching, tell God of it in prayer ; 
 ask him to provide a way for their resistance, and to 
 ' perfect his strength in your weakness.' " 
 
 " But if we maintain this absolute dependence on the 
 Spirit, may not some so pervert the doctrine, as to sup- 
 pose that they may be inactive, unconcerned ; neglectful 
 of the duties of religion?" 
 
 " It may be abused, like all the other doctrines of 
 Scripture ; but it is not a just inference from the view 
 which has been taken of the Spirit's help ; for we are 
 to ' work out our salvation with fear and trembling, while 
 he worketh within us.' They who indulge such sloth on 
 account of the promised assistance of the Holy Spirit, 
 give certain evidence that he is not theii' Guide, Teacher, 
 Comforter and Intercessor ; for when he effectually acts 
 upon the soul, he excites it to diligence ; when he im- 
 parts special aid, as I have already told you, he gives it 
 to those who are active, diligent, and persevering in the 
 use of means ; when he grants a victory, he ' teaches 
 our hands to war, and our fingers to fight.' " 
 
 '' Should we omit prayer, except when we feel the 
 present impulse of the Spirit?" 
 
 " By no means ;" for we are required to ' pray al- 
 10* 
 
206 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 ways'- — to be 'instant in prayer.' When the season 
 arrives in which you are accustomed to have intercourse 
 with God, go forward to the duty, whatever may be your 
 feelings, however great your difficulties ; and, in the 
 attempted service, 3^ou may find hinderances removed and 
 your graces quickened ; you may obtain an unction, a 
 fervour, and an enlargement both of thought and ex- 
 pression, which will feelingly convince you that there is 
 a Holy Spirit that ' helpeth our infirmities.' My friend, 
 what encouragement you have to pray ! You have the 
 blood of the High Priest speaking for you in heaven, 
 and the Spirit of God speaking for you on earth ; and 
 the more you depend on this intercessor in your heart, 
 and on that intercessor before the throne, the more pre- 
 valent will be your supplications with the Holy One. 
 Praise will be your peculiar work in the church trium- 
 phant above ; let prayer be your predominant employ- 
 ment in the church militant below. Say with David, 
 (and may God give you strength to keep the resolution !) 
 ' I will give myself unto prayer.' " 
 
 For several years this pious youth continued under 
 my pastoral instruction. I saw him, as he advanced in 
 years, pressing forward with diligence in the Christian 
 course, visibly making great attainments in holiness, and 
 going on " from strength to strength," in conformity to 
 God and usefulness to man. I saw him settled in the world, 
 and knew him afterwards in those changes which we must 
 all undergo in this mutable state ; knew him in health and 
 sickness, prosperity and adversity, suffering from the 
 buffetings of Satan, and afflicted by spiritual darkness ; 
 and I found him " steadfast and immoveable ;" watching 
 over his conduct with severe scrutiny, and contending 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 207 
 
 for a victory over all his corruptions ; tenderly conscien- 
 tious, and deeply affected by the omission of a single 
 duty ; his life marked in an extraordinary degree by a 
 reference to the will of God as the rule of his conduct, 
 and to the influence of the Spirit as the only source of 
 strength and peace. 
 
 " Where'er he ■went 
 This lesson still he taught, to fear no ill 
 But sin, no being but Almighty God." 
 
 If he be still living, I doubt not he is still " following 
 on to know the Lord ;" and I trust, like Caleb, following 
 him " fully" — " faint," in his own estimation, and yet 
 " pursuing" — sometimes shedding tears of contrition, 
 and sometimes tears of joy ; still longing for the sup- 
 plies of the Spirit, and from experience knowing, that 
 there is a Divine Agent who " helpeth our infirmities and 
 maketh intercession for us with groanings that cannot be 
 uttered." 
 
 The foregoing interviews and conversation suggest 
 several reflections. 
 
 1. We are reminded of that internal conflict which is 
 experienced by every true Christian. His heart is a 
 field of battle, in which two opposite principles are con- 
 tending : one, the corrupt nature, in which he was born, 
 that is not entirely extinguished, and which is struggling 
 to obtain the mastery ; the other, that grace which was 
 implanted in regeneration, that destroys the dominion, 
 though not the existence of sin, and which is the source 
 of all holy desires, good thoughts, and pious actions. 
 This is real and vital piety — it is not, as some imagine, 
 a state of continued sorrow, nor, as others fondly fancy, 
 
208 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 a state of uninterrupted joy ; it is rather a mixture of 
 both, a conflict " between the flesh and the spirit," hum- 
 bling us on account of what is in ourselves, and filling 
 us with joy on account of what is in Christ ; oppressing 
 us deeply by a sense of our sins, and yet inspiring us 
 with gratitude for what has been done for us. 
 
 This conflict is painful in its nature, and, to the Chris- 
 tian, a source of the deepest abasement. Can any thing 
 be more humiliating to him who truly loves God and de- 
 sires to please him, than an inability to attain what he 
 proposes ; to find himself always beneath the object of 
 his wishes ; to feel in himself secret inclinations which 
 oppose the progress of his graces ; a weight of corrup- 
 tion which arrests the flight of his soul towards heaven, 
 and continually draws him back towards sensible and 
 forbidden objects? — " What !" is his language, " I am 
 called to be pure, to bear the image of the Holy One, to 
 imitate his perfections, to live in communion with him — 
 this constitutes my joy and glory — to elevate me to this 
 high rank, God has revealed himself to me — for this, 
 Jesus Christ came into the world, died, arose, ascended, 
 and intercedes — to attain this end, he has left me his 
 word, example, and ordinances^for this, he has promised 
 me his grace and Spirit. I acknowledge the value and 
 efficacy of all these means, and desire to improve them — 
 for this purpose I watch, pray, and examine my heart, 
 but arrive not at the end of my calling; 'I find a law 
 in my members warring against the law of my mind, 
 and bringing me into captivity ;' I am continually meet- 
 ing with some passion to combat, some weakness to re- 
 form, some stain which dishonors my graces ; I find my 
 habits of piety feeble and imperfect, and yet am sensible 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 209 
 
 that I am capable of far higher degrees of holiness. ' O 
 wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the 
 body of this death V It is his grief and burden — the 
 subject of the most poignant sorrow and the deepest 
 humiliation. What causes him thus to weep 1 Not that 
 wjiich attracts the eye and arrests the attention of others, 
 but the hidden evils of his heart. 
 
 " His Tv-arfare is within — there evermore 
 His fervent spirit labours." 
 
 But this conflict, however painful, is yet honorable 
 in its principle ; an indication of our being under the 
 tuition of God ; an evidence of adoption into his family. 
 It affords a new view of the beauties and excellencies 
 of Scripture, the best characters in which were exer- 
 cised with the same trials ; the promises of which are 
 peculiarly delightful, because directed particularly to 
 those who are maintaining the same conflict, and travel- 
 ling through the same hostile country. It is also an 
 evidence that we are not of the multitude who are 
 hastening in the downward road to destruction. To 
 them sin is no burden — it is their element, in which 
 they find pleasure — they never sigh over the corrup- 
 tions of their nature — they never express desires of 
 deliverance from their iniquities, for they have never 
 felt their evil — they know not what it is to mourn the 
 absence of God, for they have never had the joys of 
 his presence. But the true Christian is alive to all 
 these feelings ; regards them as proofs that he is not 
 left to perish in his sins ; and knows that if the soul 
 be alive to God, it will be either enjoying his coun- 
 tenance, or lamenting the absence of its light. If his 
 
210 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 sins are a just cause of sorrow, his sorrow on account of 
 sin is a just cause of joy; and the more he cries, 
 " O ! wretched man that I am — who shall deliver me 
 from the body of this death?" the more reason has he to 
 add, " Thanks be to God, who giveth me the victory 
 through our Lord Jesus Christ !" 
 
 Those who have made the highest attainments in 
 piety, are those who the most painfully feel this inward 
 conflict ; who often sorrowfully exclaim : " I find a law 
 in my members warring against the law of my mind — 
 when I would do good, evil is present with me;" who, 
 while they have sufficient evidence that they are the sub- 
 jects of Divine grace, still feel that they are exposed to 
 remaining depravity ; that their corruptions are striving 
 to gain the ascendancy over their better principles and 
 to deprive them of communion with their Heavenly 
 Father. The higher their views of God, the deeper will 
 be their self-condemnation, because from the very light 
 that surrounds them, the more distinct will be the view 
 of their imperfections and sins. — " I feel daily," said 
 the devout Beveridge, " that my tears require to be 
 washed in the blood of Christ, and that my repentance 
 needs to be repented of." — The spiritually -minded Dod- 
 dridge, who habitually lived so near to God, had the 
 same humility and deep sense of his sins — the esteem of 
 the world, instead of elating his mind, only produced 
 more lowly self-abasement. In one of his last letters 
 to his friend Orton, written not very long before his 
 death, he says : '^ I have great need of using the Publi- 
 can's prayer, ' God be merciful to me, a sinner ;' to me 
 an unprofitable servant, who have deserved long since to 
 have been cast out of his family. I am weak and unsta- 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 211 
 
 ble as water. Mj frequent deadness and coldness in 
 religion sometimes presses me down to the dust ; and 
 metliinks it is best when it does so. How could I bear 
 to look up to heaven, were it not for the righteousness 
 and blood of a Redeemer ? I have been reading the life 
 of excellent Mr. Brainerd, and it has greatly humbled 
 and quickened me. Pray for me, that God may fill my 
 soul with his presence ; that Cluist may live and reign 
 in my heart, and that love to him and zeal for him may 
 swallow up every other passion ; that I may have more 
 confirmed resolutions for the best of masters ; of whom, 
 when I get a lively view, I know not how to have done 
 thinking or speaking of him." 
 
 2. How great is the difference between the conflict ^?l 
 the believer^s heart, and that which is maintained hy 
 the unrenewed sinner. The latter does seem at times 
 to struggle against sin, to mourn over it, and to strive to 
 forsake it — sometimes the understanding opposes the 
 passions ; sometimes conscience combats the will ; some- 
 times one passion is labouring against the gratification of 
 another. But he contends against sin only because it 
 leads to misery ; trembles as did Ahab, only because of 
 the Divine denunciations ; shudders, as did Felix, only on 
 account of "judgment to come;" knows no higher mo- 
 tive than self-love, and no other principle than fear of 
 the vengeance of the Almighty. The Christian, on the 
 contrary, contends with sin not merely because it is 
 dangerous, but because it is odious ; not merely because 
 God will punish it, but because it is contrary to his law ; 
 not merely because it is opposed to his own future hap- 
 piness, but because it is repugnant to his present inclina- 
 tions and desires. The sinner struggles against gross 
 
212 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 transgressions, sins that startle the conscience, and 
 offences that would be productive of ignominy and loss ; 
 but he is not strenuous in resisting those that are secret, 
 reputable, or that are deemed small — he is always 
 ready to plead, " Spare it, for it is a little one ;" always 
 reserving some Agag from the general devastation. The 
 Christian, on the contrary, makes peace with no sin, and 
 opposes the whole host of iniquities — pursues with hos- 
 tility those that are secret as well as those that are pub- 
 lic ; those that are found in the heart, as well as those 
 which are manifested to the world ; those that are sanc- 
 tioned by custom and interest, as well as those that 
 would disgrace him among men. The means which the 
 sinner employs in the conflict are worldly fears and self- 
 ish hopes ; but faith, hope and love are the weapons em- 
 ployed by the Christian in the spiritual contest. The 
 natural combat is followed by no victory — however long 
 it be maintained, sin is still loved and practised — it 
 leaves its subject equally exposed to the next temptation 
 that assaults him. Ahab, notwithstanding the tempo- 
 rary horror of his conscience, and outward humiliation, 
 found sin soon reviving in all its vigour ; and Herod's 
 struggles restrained him not from imbruing his hands 
 with the blood of John the Baptist. The spiritual con- 
 flict, on the contrary, always tends to mortify the power 
 and subdue the strength of sin, fortifies the believer 
 against corruption, and by accustoming him to the use 
 of his weapons, teaching the arts of his enemies, inspir- 
 ing with courage, and giving a full experience of the 
 Spirit's help, prepares him to " bear hardness as a good 
 soldier of Jesus Christ." — The corruptions of the sinner, 
 left to themselves, or nursed in self-indulgence, are daily 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 213 
 
 gaining strength, and are like the " cloud" seen by the 
 prophet, which at first was of the size of a " man's 
 hand," but which at length covered and darkened the 
 whole sky. The corruptions of the Christian, on the 
 contrary, are like the fig-tree, withering under the curse 
 of the Redeemer. Every day sees the transgressor fitter 
 for destruction ; every day sees the believer riper for 
 glory ; until at length the voice of Judgment is heard, 
 and the one passes away to eternal happiness, and the 
 other to everlasting misery. 
 
 3. How dear is the expedatio?} of heaven to those who 
 are engaged in the spiritual conflict. Our situation 
 would indeed be sad, if these combats were to endure 
 forever ; if sin, this " evil and bitter thing," were always 
 to cleave to us, withering our joys, obscuring our graces, 
 and preventing a near access to the mercy-seat. Here 
 we fluctuate between hope and fear ; often hang our 
 harps upon the willows, water our couch with tears, and 
 suifer all the fury of the tempest. But blessed be God, 
 the warfare is not always to continue — there is a day of 
 triumph and season of rest. God has promised it — the 
 Saviour has purchased it — the Holy Spirit prepares us 
 for its enjoyment — the declaration of the Redeemer is 
 " yea, and amen" — " He that overcomieth will I give to 
 sit upon my throne, even as I also overcame, and sit 
 down with my Father upon his throne." 
 
 This state of perfect holiness, succeeding one of im- 
 perfection and sin, should be ever before our e^^es, and 
 the constant object of our aspirations. How f-hould we 
 sigh for that happy moment which shall put an end to 
 all our combats, and change our groans and tears of sor- 
 row into songs of victory and triumph ! " W hat !" may 
 
214 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 every Christian say — "a day is coming when I shall no 
 longer experience that mournful opposition of ' the flesh' 
 which now afflicts me — no longer be checked in my pro- 
 gress by the weight of corruption — no longer have any 
 other desire but that of serving, pleasing and obeying 
 God. ' I would not live alway,' to mourn over the re- 
 mains of depravity, to lament the perverseness of my 
 will, the hardness of my heart, the blemishes of my 
 prayers, the weakness of all my graces, and the inac- 
 tivity of all my powers. ' I would not live alway' to 
 complain of a ' law in my members, warring against the 
 law of my mind ;' to be obliged daily to exclaim, ^ O ! 
 wretched man that I am !' I hate this ' body of sin,' 
 and wish it to be thoroughly removed. I would look 
 with grateful expectation to heaven, as the region of per- 
 fect purity ; where there are no more doubts and fears, 
 no more coldness and indifference in the Saviour's ser- 
 vice ; where there is not one hard heart or languid wor- 
 shipper ; for all, in that immortal residence, are under 
 the immediate rays of the ' sun of righteousness.' I 
 would be there, where there is no spiritual darkness ; 
 where I shall be illumined by the glory of God ; where 
 the light of his countenance shall shine upon every step 
 that I take, brighten all my way, and secure me from 
 ever again wandering from the path of righteousness. I 
 would be there, where the noblest desire of my heart 
 shall be fulfilled ; where I shall be clothed with the 
 robes of perfect purity ; where the severest scrutiny of 
 the seraphim can discern in me no vestige of pollution ; 
 where I shall love God with all my heart, soul, strength 
 and mind;' and where he shall reveal to me all the 
 strength and tenderness of his affection, and enkindle 
 
THE HUNGRY SOUL. 215 
 
 within me a flame so intense as is known only to angels, 
 and the ' spirits of the just made perfect.' Hail, happy 
 day, when it shall be thus with me ; when this ' earthly 
 tabernacle' shall be dissolved, and I shall be delivered 
 from my sins and sorrows ; when I shall no more need 
 promises or threatenings — the one to comfort, the other 
 to quicken me ; when I shall have glorious and uninter- 
 rupted views of my Redeemer, and the sweetest, fullest 
 manifestations of his power and love ! Hail, happy pe- 
 riod, that shall re-unite me to pious friends, the remem- 
 brance of whom is dear to me ; with whom I prayed, 
 and wept, and conversed, and went ' to the house of God 
 in company ;' and who have gone before me to the en- 
 joyment of the Saviour, and 
 
 — " now "walk with God, 
 High in salvation, and the climes of bliss." 
 
 I would renew with them the sympathies of Christian 
 friendship ; again mingle with them ; again enjoy their 
 society ; not as I once did, when they were suffering and 
 afflicted, but now, when 'former things are passed 
 away ;' when ' God has wiped all tears from their 
 eyes j^ when ' there is no more death, nor sorrow, nor 
 crying, neither any more pain,^^ 
 
 " Some I remember and will ne'er forget ; 
 My early friends, friends of m j evil day ; 
 Friends in my mirth, friends in my misery too, 
 ■ Friends given by God in mercy and in love ; 
 My counsellors, my comforters and guides, 
 My joy in grief, my second bliss in joy ; 
 Companions of my young desires ; in doubt 
 My oracles, my wings in high pursuit. 
 
216 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 ! I remember, and will ne'er forget 
 
 Our meeting spots, our chosen sacred hours ; 
 
 Our burning words, that uttered all the soul; 
 
 Our faces beaming with unearthly love ; 
 
 Sorrow with sorrow sighing, hope with hope 
 
 Exulting, heart embracing heart entire. 
 
 These I remember, these selectest men ; 
 
 And would their names record — but what avails 
 
 My mention of their names ? before the throne, 
 
 They stand illustrious 'mong the loudest harps," 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 2l7 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE WRONG STEP. 
 
 " Still raise for good the supplicating voice, 
 But leave to Heaven the measure and the choice , 
 Implore his aid — in his decision rest, 
 Secure, whate'er he gives, he gives the best." 
 
 It is impossible for us fully to know in what particular 
 manner Providence interposes in human affairs, and in- 
 fluences the thoughts and counsels of men. But we are 
 certain that such an overruling influence is exerted in 
 the whole moral, as well as natural world ; and we could 
 not conceive of God acting as the governor of the uni- 
 verse, unless his government extend to every creature 
 that exists, and to every event which occurs. No truth 
 is more sensibly felt by the real Christian than this ; 
 and amidst all his trials and difficulties, none is the 
 ground of such firm support, and the source of such rich 
 consolation. It is his undoubted privilege to feel himself 
 under the special conduct of God in things temporal and 
 spiritual ; and if he wait upon him with confidence and 
 faith, he may expect the Divine hand interposing in his 
 affairs, and directing him in the way of duty and safety, 
 agreeably to the declaration, " A good man's steps are 
 ordered by the Lord." He knows, however, that he has 
 a part to act ; and while the wicked follow only the max- 
 ims of human wisdom and worldly prudence, he is con- 
 
218 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 cerned to have God going before him in every step, and 
 pointing out his way clearly and distinctly ; he would 
 not, dare not, walk at random, sensible that the path of 
 duty is the only path of safety and comfort. But at 
 times it is most difficult to find this path, and to be sure 
 that we hear God's voice, saying, '' This is the way ; 
 walk ye in it." 
 
 These thoughts are suggested by the recollection of 
 the following conversation on this subject, and the result 
 that followed. 
 
 Learning that a member of my church was about 
 taking a step which, if not evil in itself, would certainly 
 lead to disastrous consequences — to his injury as a Chris- 
 tian and to the reproach of religion — I called upon him, 
 tenderly to reason, kindly to remonstrate, and to lead 
 him, if possible, to abandon his purpose. He had for 
 some time been inattentive to his religious duties, neglect- 
 ful of the society of his Christian brethren, and main- 
 taining an unnecessary intercourse, even friendship, with 
 the irreligious and profane. He had also more than once 
 intimated that we were laying too much stress on inward 
 religion ; a point to which I resolved to allude, when an 
 opportunity occurred. After conversing on other topics 
 for a few minutes, the subject of religion was gradually 
 introduced ; reference was made to the evidences of 
 piety, of its growth and decline. 
 
 I observed : " In examining ourselves on this point, 
 and determining our own conduct, we should not be satis- 
 fied with the surface, but look within ; the state and con- 
 dition of the heai't determine the character in the siffht 
 of God ; and to that we should direct our principal atten- 
 tion, that our opinion of ourselves may conform, as far 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 
 
 219 
 
 as possible, to his judgment. We judge of others from 
 external appearances ; with their motives we have nothing 
 to do ; if their actions be good, we are led by Christian 
 charity to suppose that they proceed from a good source ; 
 and if our judgment should be erroneous, society will 
 suifer no serious injury from our opinion. Not so, how- 
 ever, with ourselves ; we have a power over our own 
 hearts that we have not over those of others ; and if we 
 err here, we make a mistake fatal to our souls. The 
 conduct cannot be a true and infallible index of the state 
 of the mind ; for good actions, or those that are reputed 
 good, may proceed from bad principles. The exhibition 
 of his treasures to the ambassadors from Babylon was 
 not so much the sin of Hezekiah, as the motive which 
 prompted him — vanity and pride." 
 . He immediately replied : " But are we not told, ' He 
 that doeth righteousness is righteous?' and does not the 
 Saviour expressly say, ' By their fruits ye shall know 
 them?"' 
 
 "It is true that we are to know ourselves ' by our 
 fruits,' but how are we to know that the fruit is good ? 
 Merely from a fair and beautiful exterior ? There is 
 much of that kind that is corrupt withm. Indeed, if 
 you were to act upon this principle, you might chance to 
 find your death ; for there are many poisonous trees 
 which bear a beautiful and tempting fruit — pleasant to 
 the eye and grateful to the taste, but destructive to the 
 life. It is precisely so with moral fruit ; it must be ex- 
 amined and known, whether it be sound within, and 
 really as good as its appearance indicates." 
 
 After some further conversation on this subject, in 
 which he was brought to acknowledge the necessity of 
 
220 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 examining our motives as well as actions, he alluded to the 
 step which he was about to take ; hoped that he was in- 
 fluenced by good principles in the view that he had of 
 it, and beheved that it would tend essentially to his 
 own benefit and that of his family. 
 
 " What means have you used to ascertain your duty ?" 
 ^' I regard it as a call of Providence, and think that 
 I shall be following its leadings." 
 
 " That expression, ' leadings of Providence,' which is 
 so often heard, it seems to me is frequently misappre- 
 hended. Some suppose that, when in peculiar perplexity 
 they are asking for direction, they are to look for a kind 
 of special revelation ; for such an expression of God's 
 will as Abraham had, when commanded to leave his 
 father's house, or as Jonah had, when he was ordered to 
 preach at Nineveh ; that when they are thinking of form- 
 ing a new relation, engaging in a new employment, or 
 removing to a new situation, some one circumstance is 
 to determine the indication of the Divine will — that if 
 that circumstance be properly interpreted, the will of 
 God can be ascertained, but if misinterpreted, it is re- 
 sisted. Such a view of the subject disqualifies the mind 
 for the exercise of a proper judgment and sound dis- 
 cretion ; fills with presumption men of a sanguine dis- 
 position, and leads them to regard their ardent wishes 
 as their duty ; and inspires with fear, and even terror, 
 those of a melancholy temperament and scrupulous con- 
 science. Is it scriptural? is it reasonable? is it not 
 giving too much stress to a single circumstance, and 
 making that, instead of the word of God, the rule of 
 action ? Providence, in itself, it appears to me, does not 
 make known to us any thing, exclusive of the word of 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 221 
 
 Revelation ; if it did, we could not say that the Scrip- 
 ture was our only guide and rule. By the expression, 
 ' voice, or dictates of Providence,' we can mean nothing 
 more than the language of God in his word, concerning 
 our duty in the present situation in which we are placed 
 — in affliction, teaching us to be humble and submissive — 
 in prosperity, to be thankful — in temptation, to be watch- 
 ful. When persons in a perplexed state are seeking for 
 ' the will of God,' we are to understand by the expression, 
 not that ' secret ' will which has determined the event, 
 which we are not to know ; into which we are not per- 
 mitted to intrude ; for the knowledge of which even a 
 desire is unwarrantable and unsafe ; but that which is 
 revealed in Scripture, which directs us how to act, 
 what method to employ, and what course to pursue. — 
 Rebecca made not this distinction in her conduct to- 
 wards Isaac, when the blessing was conferred upon her 
 son — and the consequence was awful and inexcusable 
 sin. She knew that the blessing was intended by God 
 for Jacob ; and made the purposes of the Almighty, and 
 not his precepts, the rule of her conduct ; aimed to pre- 
 vent those purposes from being defeated, and supposed 
 that the necessity of the case fully authorized her action. 
 But who can justify her conduct '? She imposed upon 
 her husband by means of his infirmity, and tempted her 
 son to the commission of falsehood and deception. God 
 approved not of her conduct, though he overruled it for 
 the fulfilment of his purposes ; far from sanctioning 
 falsehood and fraud, he showed his displeasure both 
 against her and Jacob, for their parts in the transac- 
 tion." 
 
 " But what should Rebecca have done 1 Here was 
 11 
 
222 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 her husband about to act contrary to the Divine inten- 
 tion ; was she to be silent, and let him confer the bless- 
 ing upon Esau?" 
 
 " Done ! any thing but sin — nothing can justify that. 
 She might have used lawful means for the attainment of 
 her end ; have reasoned the matter with Isaac ; have 
 meekly shown him the mistake which he was on the point 
 of making ; have reminded him of the revelation which 
 God had given of his will, in this matter ; and to per- 
 suasion and argument might have added strong faith 
 and fervent prayer. Such conduct she should have 
 used, instead of the crooked policy which she pursued ; 
 and by such means would have honoured God and her 
 family, instead of bringing upon herself guilt, shame, 
 and sorrow." 
 
 So good an opportunity at this moment occurred of 
 presenting truths which I am sure would be applicable, 
 that I proceeded — " Now, there are many in the world 
 who make strong pretensions to morality and religion, 
 who act upon the same principle as did Rebecca. For- 
 getting that the word of God is the only standard of 
 duty, they, at times, argue and act as if they had the 
 liberty of substituting some other rule 5 they seem to 
 think that if the end in view be good, it is of no con- 
 sequence by what means it may be attauaed. Nothing 
 is more dangerous than this principle — the law of God 
 must regulate the means ; and whatever good comes from 
 the evil, that evil cannot, on that account, be in the least 
 degree excused. — But let us return to the subject we were 
 discussing — the question is, How^ in a case of doubt and 
 difficulty^ are we to know the way which God seems to 
 point out ? how, when entering on a new undertaking, 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 223 
 
 an important enterprise, are we to learn the indications 
 of Divine approbation?" 
 
 " When the way is easy, may we not suppose it to be 
 the path which Providence points out '?" 
 
 " Not at all — ^for in such a way, he does not always — 
 I may add, he does not generally^ lead his people ; but 
 on the contrary, into difficult paths, to humble and prove 
 them, and show them what is in their hearts. If the 
 ease with which a thing may be accomplished is to be 
 considered a providential intimation of God's will, we 
 may justify the grossest crimes. Hazael knew from 
 God that he was to be king of Syria in his master's 
 room, and that master he easily and secretly dispatched ; 
 but who will say that the convenient opportunity thus 
 afforded him of committing murder was a Divine intima- 
 tion that he was thus to act ? David, on the other hand, 
 had a Divine promise that he should be kmg of Israel, 
 and was anointed for this purpose. Under these circum- 
 stances, he once found Saul, in a defenceless state, in a 
 cave ; he could have easily slain him, and thus opened 
 a way of immediate access to the throne ; he was ad- 
 vised to do it by Abishai, who pronounced it a ' provi- 
 dential call' — ^ God hath delivered thine enemy into 
 thy hand' — but David had more knowledge of his duty, 
 and would not ' put forth his hand to hurt the Lord's 
 anointed.' " 
 
 " May not the way of duty be discovered by strong 
 impressions upon the mind ?" 
 
 " I know that many place great confidence in such 
 impressions, suppose that they come from God, and re- 
 gard them as indications of his will. But we must not 
 depend upon them, nor ever forget that they may come 
 
224 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 from a bad, as well as a good source ; that Satan can 
 infuse thoughts into the mind, and, to gain his purpose, 
 transform himself into an ' angel of light ;' or that they 
 may be the delusions of our own corrupt hearts. They 
 who make them their rule and standard, who think that 
 they must act thus and thus, because it is impressed 
 upon their minds, are often deceived, and, in consequence 
 of this undue reliance, become habitually unsteady in 
 conduct, and unhappy in feeling. All impressions must 
 be brought to the touchstone of Scripture ; scrupulously 
 tried by this only rule 5 if they agree with it, then they 
 may be attended to, as an evidence that they come from 
 God, for he never impresses any thing upon the mind 
 which is not conformable to his word." 
 
 " May not our inclinations and desires be indicative of 
 God's wiin" 
 
 " Surely not — through the depravity of our hearts, 
 our inclinations may be corrupt ; we may have a propen- 
 sity to that which sound discretion opposes, and against 
 which conscience, if consulted, would remonstrate ; and 
 an aversion to that which the word and providence of 
 God make our duty. Miserable indeed should we be, if 
 we were to follow the bent of our inclinations. We have 
 melancholy instances of this in Scripture. David, in the 
 midst of his difficulties, and apprehensions that he would 
 ' fall into the hands of Saul,' and perish, instead of con- 
 sulting the oracle, followed his own inclinations, and 
 escaped to ' the land of the Philistines.' Scarcely had 
 he entered the court of Achish, before he was guilty of 
 sinful equivocation ; he was afterwards ordered to fight 
 against Israel, and at last deprived of his property, and 
 stripped of all his family. — Lot, too, was influenced by 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 225 
 
 his inclinations to choose the ' vale of Sodom,' because 
 it ' was well watered, like the garden of the Lord ;' and 
 was afterwards induced to reside in the city ; and you 
 know the consequence, how his ' righteous soul was 
 vexed from day to day by the unlawful deeds' of the 
 inhabitants ; how he was burned out ; how he lost his 
 property and his wife ; and how his daughters — O ! 
 it would have been better if they had remained and 
 perished in the flames. — Thus we prove the greatest 
 enemies to ourselves when we follow only our inclinations 
 and wishes. But though these are not to be the rule 
 of our duty, still, in making a choice, we must consult 
 our genius and capacity, and consider whether they be 
 suitable to that course of life which we think of pursu- 
 ing ; whether we can succeed in that station which we 
 have an idea of occupying ; whether we have abilities to 
 carry us through that labour which we have a thought of 
 undertaking; and whether the issue will be for our 
 credit, or incur the censure of rashness and presump- 
 tion. With all these qualifications, inclination is no 
 rule or standard of duty." 
 
 " How, then, (for as yet you have only spoken nega- 
 tively,) are we to know the will of God, and learn our 
 duty under doubtful providences ?" 
 
 " Forget not the distinction already alluded to, which 
 must be made between the secret and revealed will of 
 God — a distinction recognized in Scripture : ' Secret 
 things belong unto the Lord our God ; but those things 
 which are revealed belong unto us and to our children' — 
 the first are the rule of his own actions ; the latter are our 
 rule, and that only in which we are concerned. Some, in 
 ancient times, had personal and special discoveries of the 
 11* 
 
226 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 Divine will made to them ; as had Samuel about the choice 
 of the person who was to be anointed king ; as had David, 
 when about to engage in the expedition against the Phi- 
 listines at Keilah. But we have no Urim and Thum- 
 mim, and can therefore expect no extraordinary revela- 
 tions from God ; we are confined to the ordinary 
 standing rule of his written word. Although we have 
 this complete volume of his will, yet we are often per- 
 plexed in our thoughts, and know not what course to 
 take ; afraid of displeasing God, if we take this step, or 
 offending him if we take that — finding the inability to 
 decide arising not merely from the difficulty of the case, 
 and from our ignorance and inadvertence, but often from 
 the providences themselves, which are no clear rule of 
 duty ; we say of them as Job did, ' Behold I go forward, 
 but God is not there, and backward, but I cannot per- 
 ceive him ; on the left hand, where he doth work, but I 
 cannot behold him ; he hideth himself on the right hand 
 that I cannot see him.' — We may, hoAvever, in general 
 learn our duty, if we be faithful in the use of all the 
 means which God has appointed ; for we have many 
 encouraging promises — ' In all thy ways acknowledge 
 Him, and he will direct thy paths' — ' He will guide the 
 meek in judgment, and teach his way' — ' All the paths of 
 the Lord are mercy and truth to such as keep his cove- 
 nant and his testimonies' — ' What man is he that feareth 
 the Lord 1 Him shall he teach in the way that he shall 
 choose.' These promises imply the habit of holy inter- 
 course and humble communion with God ; a deep sense 
 of his providence governing all our affairs ; a firm and 
 practical belief in its extent to the most minute concern 
 and incident. Prayer, then, is an important means ; 
 earnest, serious, submissive prayer to God, that he would 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 227 
 
 lead our thoughts by his Spirit into such a view of the 
 directions of his word as to enable us to discern the path 
 of duty ; that he would so order affairs in his providence 
 as to make our way clear upon the principles of an en- 
 lightened conscience and sound reason ; that he would so 
 incline our hearts as to make us ready to take such steps 
 as will advance the Divine glory and promote our real 
 good- — ' If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God, 
 who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not, and 
 it shall be given him.' Such prayer may be accompa- 
 nied with religious fastings, as was the the supplication 
 of Ezra — ' Then I proclaimed a fast at the river of Aha- 
 va that we might afflict ourselves before our God, to 
 seek of him a right loay for us, and for our little ones, 
 and for all our substance.' We must be careful, how- 
 ever, lest we make our frames in prayer the rule of 
 forming our judgment. I have known persons who have 
 done this ; who have supposed, to use their own expres- 
 sion, that if their hearts were ' enlarged' in pleading for 
 an object, and if they were ' free' in the expression of 
 their wants, it was a token of the favour of God, and 
 that the contrary feelings were an indication of denial — 
 with such views and expectations, they w^ould regulate 
 their actions. Nothing can be more uncertain and erro- 
 neous than this rule of judgment ; nothing can expose 
 us to more danger of being misled, and of having our 
 faith shaken and our hope weakened by continual disap- 
 pointment." 
 
 " Are there other means that you recommend should 
 be used ?" 
 
 " We should consult and search the word of God. 
 Of how majay may it be said : ^ Ye do err, not knowing 
 
228 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 the Scripture.' That, as David said, is ' a light to our 
 feet ;' it directs us to duties to be performed, and dan- 
 gers to be avoided ; it is the ' oracle' to be consulted in 
 time of need, whose responses are easily heard, and from 
 whose decision there is no appeal. ' Thy word have I 
 hid in my heart, that I may not sin against thee' — ' A 
 good understanding have all they that keep thy law.' 
 We should diligently search the Scriptures, and learn 
 whether there be any case there which is similar to our 
 own, and that suits our condition ; and if there be no 
 analogous circumstance, there are principles which we 
 can apply, upon which we may safely act, and from 
 which we can derive light and conviction. It contains 
 sufficient rules and directions for every part of conduct ; 
 and an enlarged acquaintance with it will be most use- 
 ful in cases of doubt and perplexity, will enable those 
 who study it with humility and prayer to select such in- 
 structions as will be adapted to their situation, and may 
 at length lead them to a wise and enlightened decision." 
 
 " But I have known persons who have professed thus 
 to read the Scriptures and pray to God, who evidently 
 took a wrong step, and acted indiscreetly." 
 
 " Something more is necessary — to stop here would 
 be acting presumptuously We must exercise our rea- 
 son ; for though we are commanded, ' Lean not unto 
 thine own understanding,' yet we are not forbidden to 
 exercise it. As rational and accountable beings we 
 should examine and ponder the case in our minds ; par- 
 ticularly observe , all the circumstances ; turn our 
 thoughts in every direction ; view our situation from 
 every point ; and then compare it with the rules of duty 
 and prudence laid before us in Scripture. We should go 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 229 
 
 further; we should consult with judicious friends, to receive 
 from their advice the light which we need, for in most 
 cases, ' in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.' 
 There are many who err here — they ' lean to their own 
 understanding,' in preference to that of others who are 
 far superior to them in capacity and knowledge, act con- 
 trary to the sentiments and wishes of the wise and good, 
 and make fatal mistakes which affect them through life. 
 How often have I seen this, particularly among the 
 young, who have need of a guide, and who want that 
 practical wisdom which is the effect of observation and 
 experience. In the use of these means we must beware 
 of prejudice, keep the mind honest and candid, unbiassed 
 by passion, ready to know and practise duty. It is of 
 no little consequence to have acquired a habit of Chris- 
 tian self-denial ; if we be defective here, our judgment 
 may be easily Avarped, and we may be like many who, 
 imder the idea of ' following the leadings of Providence,' 
 hastily take the way of ease or inclination, instead of 
 seriously studying, and deliberately adopting the only 
 rule of duty. If after the use of these means, we be 
 still in a state of suspense, then we must ' wait upon 
 God ;' we shall find it a difficult duty, for when our 
 minds are fixed upon an object, our time is always ready, 
 and hence we are apt to go before our guide. ' Tarry 
 thou the Lord's leisure,' is most needful counsel ; ' wait 
 upon him, and keep his way,' is the great secret in this 
 whole affair ; ' wait upon the Lord, be of good courage, 
 and he shall strengthen thine heart — wait, I say, upon 
 the Lord.' " 
 
 I paused a little time before I made any application 
 of the truth to his own case ; finding him silent, and 
 
230 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 indisposed to make objections, I continued : " You per- 
 ceive, my friend, what is your duty in your present situ- 
 ation. I would affectionately say to you, if after due 
 deliberation, serious consultation, and earnest prayer, 
 you find the step which you think of taking unlawful and 
 imprudent, reject it at once as contrary to the will of 
 God. Determine always on the safest side, and if your 
 mind scruple about the lawfulness of a thing, duty re- 
 quires you to abstain from it without hesitation. ' Happy 
 is the man that condemneth not himself in the thing he 
 alloweth.' In this case, have a steady eye to God's 
 glory ; let this be the grand principle of your conduct, 
 and the chief spring of all your actions. If this, and 
 your spiritual good be supreme in your mind, it will be 
 a safe and useful guide in your enquiries. Let the true 
 fear of God be upon your heart; be really afraid of 
 offending him, and then you may hope for his blessing, 
 agreeably to his promise — ' the secret of the Lord is 
 with them that fear him.' Lay to heart that excellent 
 rule — ' in all thy ways, acknowledge him' — acknowledge 
 his word, by consulting it as your rule ; his providence, 
 by observing all its dealings ; his wisdom, by implicit 
 trust ; his sovereignty, by cheerful acquiescence ; his faith- 
 fulness, by humble reliance; his kindness, by ardent 
 gratitude, 'and he will direct your path;' he will give 
 you that ' wisdom which is profitable to direct,' an en- 
 lightened conscience and pious feelings ; keep you from 
 turning aside into the ' paths of error,' enable you to exer- 
 cise sound reason and discretion, and dispose you to make 
 a right choice, and to form a proper decision. 
 
 I left him with these reflections, intending to visit him 
 again in a day or two, and to learn the result. I did 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 231 
 
 visit him ; but found him wholly uninfluenced by what 
 had been presented, and listening to other considerations 
 without conviction, if not with indifference ; plainly 
 showing that he was bent upon the consummation of his 
 purpose. He yielded to the seductions of irreligious 
 acquaintance, instead of following the counsel of Chris- 
 tian friends, and entered into an unwise and rash engage- 
 , ment, which led to consequences the most lamentable and 
 sinful. It is painful to recall those consequences, and 
 to reflect upon scenes which made the rest of his life 
 wretched, supplied matter for unceasing remorse, and 
 convinced us that he never had any truly rehgious 
 principle. He lives in my memory as a warning against 
 the rejection of the word of God as a guide, and the for- 
 mation of improper connexions with those who are not 
 the friends of the Redeemer. 
 
 1. We learn the sad consequences of not acknowledg- 
 ing God in our ways. We perceive its effect in this 
 departure from the ways of virtue, and the consequent 
 misery that ensued — loss of reputation, privation of hap- 
 piness, and injury to the cause of religion. But not only 
 among the openly irreligious, and in self-deluded profes- 
 sors, do we observe it, but also, in a degree, among the 
 truly pious. They feel not their entire dependence and 
 the need of direction from above ; they engage in new 
 undertakings, make material changes, and enter on im- 
 portant enterprises without consultmg the Divine provi- 
 dence or word ; or if they attempt to " acknowledge God 
 in their ways," they perform not their whole duty ; to 
 some parts they are attentive, in others they are defi- 
 cient ; they may " call upon his name," and consult the 
 Scriptures, and yet not exercise caution, care, and dili- 
 
232 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 gence ; or they may vigorously use their own powers and 
 efforts, and not seek " the wisdom which cometh from 
 above." It is not surprising that they are so often un- 
 successful. They may complain of Providence, and 
 may complain of men ; but the fault will be found to be 
 entirely their own. To the want of " acknowledging 
 God in all their ways," may be attributed that rash and 
 precipitate conduct, that imprudence and self-ignorance, 
 that want of self-possession and perseverance, which pro- 
 duced their disappointments. 
 
 2. A very common error is seen in the world — much 
 of what men call the leadings of Providence is their 
 being led into temptation. They neglect to " watch and 
 pray," to offer the petition, " lead us not into tempta- 
 tion;" and God leaves them to "walk in the way of 
 their heart, and the sight of their eyes ;" he does not 
 directly allure and incite them to sin, but permits them 
 to rush into scenes of temptation. He permits it to 
 develope their true character, and it has this effect. 
 How many do we see who once acted firmly in resisting 
 sin, carried away by new temptations on a change of 
 circumstances ; many who seemed humble in one station 
 becoming proud and scornful in another ; many who ap- 
 peared upright in prosperity yielding to new trials in 
 adversity ; many who forgave their enemy when they 
 had no power to revenge themselves, becoming violent 
 and resentful the moment that enemy was within their 
 grasp. For a while a man is not known, either by the 
 world or by himself, to be what he really is ; but bring 
 him into a new situation of life which accords with his 
 predominant disposition, which awakens certain latent 
 qualities, and his true character fully appears. This 
 
I THE WRONG STEP. 233 
 
 " leading into tenaptation" for tlie development of char- 
 acter, men often call the " leadings of Providence ;" un- 
 der this impression they court worldly honours, form 
 sinful connexions, plunge into unnecessary cares, and 
 ardently covet lucrative situations. If the Scripture 
 approve a measure, and the way be distinctly opened, 
 then we may walk in it with safety ; but miserable is 
 the condition of those who grasp at every opportunity to 
 obtain riches and honours, and regard it as an " opening 
 of Providence ;" a path that has been prepared for them, 
 and which they may securely pursue. "What is this but 
 presumptuously leaving the word of God, and endeavour- 
 ing to soothe the conscience by means the nost unlaw- 
 ful ? Though there be no necessary connexion between 
 temptation and sin, yet he who dreads not the one, fears 
 not the other ; he who goes deliberately into this con- 
 test, cannot expect to retire from it unhurt ; he may not 
 be utterly destroyed, but he may have marks and im- 
 pressions that may long remain upon his imagination, a 
 source of guilt and shame. How necessary, then, to 
 exercise holy fear and self-distrust ; to " flee from all 
 appearance of evil ;" to escape every temptation that can 
 be avoided ; and to expose ourselves to none without abso- 
 lute necessity. How necessary to " watch and pray, that 
 we enter not into temptation ;" we may encounter it, but 
 we must not " enter into it^^ — not voluntarily embrace, 
 or have any inclination to comply with it — not throw our- 
 selves into it, as a snare, and suffer from its influence. 
 It is delightful to know that our spiritual interests will 
 be advanced in proportion to the faithful resistance of 
 temptation ; that wherever there is a signal victory over 
 
234 PASTORAU REMINISCENCES. 
 
 Satan and our corruptions, there will be a more than 
 ordinary measure of Divine consolation. 
 
 3. Many good Christians unnecessarily distress them- 
 selves^ because they followed not the path of duty ; when 
 they really performed all that was required in " acknowl- 
 edging God in their ways." Because the path which 
 they followed, led not to worldly prosperity and success, 
 but to trials and disappointments, they reflect upon them- 
 selves for neglect of duty, conclude that they wandered 
 into a forbidden way, and say with Gideon, " If God be 
 with us, how cometh all this evil upon us?" But if 
 they acted conscientiously, received the word of God as 
 their guide, and aimed at his glory as their end, they 
 have no cause for self-condemnation. Have not those 
 who have been most honoured in the world, been pre- 
 pared for it in the school of adversity ? Was it not so 
 with Moses, Job, Joseph, Jephtha, and thousands of oth- 
 ers ? God often leads his people into the path of sorrow 
 for their usefulness and growth in grace, as well as for 
 their higher enjoyment of spiritual comfort ; his promise 
 is, not " I will abundantly bless them with temporal 
 prosperity," but " I will bring them through the fire, 
 and they shall be refined, as gold and silver are tried, 
 and they shall say, the Lord is my God." A saint will 
 serve God with as much love and cheerfulness, when 
 poor, despised and afilicted, as in the most prosperous 
 condition ; for one draught of the " river that maketh 
 glad the city of our God above" can sweeten the bitter- 
 ness of his cup ; a single " taste" that " the Lord is 
 good" is an earnest of the " fulness of joy" in heaven ; 
 a single leaf from " the tree of life" can refresh him 
 with its fragrance, while he is passing ^through the wil- 
 
THE WRONG STEP. 235 
 
 demess. He is in a safer state than if he were enjoying 
 the smiles of the world. The piety of David was chilled 
 with prosperity ; and of several of the kings of Judah, 
 it may be said, that their religion was not so conspicu- 
 ous on the throne as it was in their banishment. If the 
 pleasure of taste is no indication of what is favourable 
 for health, surely sense is much more incapable of judg- 
 ing what is useful for the soul. Prosperity may be 
 regarded as happiness, while at that very moment it is 
 the deadliest poison; and adversity, though a bitter 
 potion, may be necessary for the continuance of spiritual 
 life. Christians, then, should not be distressed if, when 
 they are " acknowledging God in their ways,''" he should 
 direct their steps into a path strewed with thorns and 
 briars. 
 
 " Affliction is the good man's shining scene ; 
 Prosperity conceals his brightest ray ; 
 As night to stars, woe lustre gives to man." 
 
 4. It is most uncharitable to attribute the peculiar 
 afflictions of others to the peculiar sins of which they 
 have been guilty. If, in the question, " what is the path 
 of duty," the enquirer takes the path of error, pursues a 
 course injurious to the interests of his soul, plainly for- 
 bidden by Scripture, deeply deplored by the pious, and 
 manifestly injurious to the cause of Christ ; then we may 
 safely say that he " acknowledged" not " God in all his 
 ways ;" that he prayed not with a devout spirit, nor 
 consulted the inspired word with diligence, nor exercised 
 Christian prudence and discretion. But this is very dif- 
 ferent from the sentiment maintained and expressed by 
 too many, that peculiar trials are proofs of peculiar 
 guilt. If this life were all, and this world the scene of 
 
236 PASTORAL REMINISCENCES. 
 
 final reward and punishment, then we might expect the 
 righteous to be uniformly prosperous, and the wicked 
 uniformly wretched. But the Scriptures, on the con- 
 trary, utter many declarations on the danger of pros- 
 perity, the advantages of affliction, and the reverses that 
 shall take place at the bar of judgment. The history of 
 Job teaches us that the severest afflictions are sent for a 
 different purpose. In that history we are permitted to 
 pass behind the scene, and observe the movements of 
 Providence ; to see who afflicts and for what reason ; to 
 hear the Divine Being pronouncing the highest encomi- 
 um on the individual on whom the heaviest blow is about 
 to fall — " My servant Job ; a perfect and an upright 
 man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil." The 
 same truth is taught by our Saviour, in what he says of 
 those on whom " the tower of Siloam fell." The lan- 
 guage of God is, " As many as I love, I rebuke and 
 chasten." These trials are the visitations of a father's 
 hand ; steps in the process by which he is preparing his 
 children for usefulness here, and glory hereafter. Never, 
 then, should we conclude with Job's friends, that he who 
 is much afflicted, is peculiarly wicked, and has incurred 
 the anger of God. When a man's conscience can apply 
 his afflictions to his own sins, it is reasonable that he 
 should accept them as the punishment of his iniquity, 
 and make them an argument for repentance ; but we 
 should never make them an occasion of censure and con- 
 demnation to others. " Happy is the man whom God 
 correcteth." — " We call them happy" — not, who glitter, 
 and triumph, and enjoy — but who " endure,^^ 
 
 " In this wide world, the fondest and the best 
 Are the most tried, most troubled and distressed."