% 
 
I 
 
A SUEYEY 
 
First pnnted in mi by R. Clay <k Sons, Ltd., Bungay, Suffolk, England. 
 
Somewhere in the Pacific. 
 
 Mr. Joseph Conrad : " What a delightful coast ! One catches an 
 illusion that one might forever be almost gay here." 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2015 
 
 https ://arch i ve . org/detai Is/su rveyOObeer 
 
A SURVEY 
 
 BY 
 
 MAX BEERBOHM 
 
 DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 
 
 NEW YORK 
 1921 
 
All but four of (he draunngi in this book have been chosen from 
 among many that wtre shown this year at the Leireslcr Galleries. 
 These four^ which are in a collection made by Mr. Philip Guedalla^ 
 are here shown" for the first time. 
 
EPISTLE DEDICATORY 
 
 TO 
 
 BRITANNIA 
 
 Madam, 
 
 I venture to dedicate this volume to you because you have 
 always been very kind to me, and because I cannot think why you 
 have always been so kind to me. 
 
 You have never, since you came to woman's estate, smiled much 
 on caricaturists, or on satirists, in general. During the eighteenth 
 century you were indulgent enough to them ; but then you were still 
 a headstrong girl : there was still a strain of brutality in your nature, 
 to which caricature and satire were agreeable. That strain worked 
 itself out of you long ago. You had become mild and buxom long 
 before I had the honour to behold you. And the recent War has left 
 you as mild as ever ; though less buxom. 
 
 That is the kind of remark which in my childhood on your shores 
 I was taught, very rightly, not to make about any one. It is the kind 
 of remark which, so soon as I was grown up, I began to make about 
 every one. For, after all, what is a caricaturist but a man who says, 
 " A, you're too fat ; B, you're too thin ; C, your nose is too large " — 
 and so on ? Such a man, alas, am I. And what is a satirist but 
 one who says, " D, you're a fool ; E, your character and motives 
 won't bear looking into ; I see through you, F " — and, very jarringly, 
 so forth ? Such an one am I. I jar even on myself. I hold no 
 high opinion of the satiric temperament. I despise Thersites and 
 the whole lot of which I happen to be one. I have to go on being rude, 
 because that is {a part of) my nature. But O Britannia, whenever 
 I sail from my home in Italy, across your neatly-ruled waves, and 
 step with a new sheaf of drawings on to those yellow sands where 
 you sit enthroned, I do feel all the tnore guilty because your eyes 
 
 V 
 
EPISTLE DEDICATORY 
 
 are invariably so benign to me from beneath the brim of your 
 lovely golden helmet. 
 
 You say that you have always frowned on some of my drawings ? 
 True, Madam ; and thank you for reminding me. Over some in 
 every hatch you have frorvned, murmuring a fine and a favourite 
 phrase of yours : " Not in the very best of taste.'" And I seem to 
 find in all the drawings at which you have gently drawn the line a 
 common denominator. In my youth, and indeed until quite recent 
 years, the Court was a very dominant factor in your life. A satirist, 
 instinctively, goes for what is very strong: the weaker things he 
 derides with less gusto, or not at all. But you, Madam, have a great 
 respect for strength, and it is the weaker things that are aptest to tickle 
 your sense of humour. I myself have a respect for strength, but also 
 I am inclined, in my fallen nature, to look for the weak points that 
 all strength has, and to point them rudely out. I used to laugh at 
 the Court and at the persons around it ; and this distressed you 
 rather. I never laughed with you at Labour. Labour didn't seem 
 to me quite important enough yet. But Labour is very important 
 now, very strong indeed ; as you have found. And I gathered, this 
 year, from a certain mild downward curve of your lips when I 
 laid out for you on the yellow sands those of my new drawings which 
 referred to Labour, that you thoxight me guilty of not the very best 
 of taste in failing to borv my knee to your new Baal. 
 
 Perhaps I ought to exclude these few drawings from a book 
 dedicated to you. Do I compromise you by their inclusion ? I 
 hope not. I think not. Yon, have but to say to Labour, " O honoured 
 and darling and terrifying Sir, I know you're j^erfcct. Don't blame 
 me for some drawings done by an utterly absurd man who lives ever 
 so far away in a country shaped like a jack-boot.'" But if such 
 words avail not, and you deem it expedient to reject the dedication, 
 then reject it, dear Britannia : I shall not be thereby the less 
 ajfectionately your old servant, 
 
 MAX BEERBOHM. 
 
 Rapallo. 
 September, 1921. 
 
 vi 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 Frontispiece. Somewhere in the Pacific. 
 
 1. Mr. Lloyd George. 
 
 2. Mr. Balfour, reading. 
 
 J. The Future as beheld by the Eighteenth Century. 
 4. The Future as beheld by the Nineteenth Century. 
 J. The Future as beheld by the Twcnticlli Century. 
 
 6. Mr. Lytton Sirachcy, 7uriting. 
 
 7. A Translethean Soliloquy. 
 
 8. A Study in Temptation. 
 
 g. Woodrow Wilson'' s peace .... ic)20. 
 
 10. Mr, Gordon Craig, proselytising. 
 
 11. Mr. Philip Guedalla, distraught. 
 
 12. John Bull and Another. 
 
 13. St. James's Street Yesterday and To-Day. 
 14.. Doctrinaire Socialists in Conclave. 
 
 13.^ Mr. Maurice Hewlett. 
 
 16. A Prevision by M. Cambon. 
 
 77. Mr. Augustus John and Lord Leverhulme. 
 
 18. Blame the Cloth. 
 
 ig. Mr. Asijuith, reading. 
 
 20. Sir Philip Sassoon in Strange Company. 
 
 21. The Trick Election of igiS. 
 
 22. An Enigma in ig20. 
 
 2J. Sir Claude Phillips "going on." 
 
 24. Mr. Pearsall Smith, Mr. Squire, and Mr. Shanks. 
 
 2^. Judicial Criticism. 
 
 vii 
 
CONTENTS— continued. 
 
 26. Count Wilhehn von Hohenzollern, 
 
 2J. Politics. 
 
 28. Mr, Gosse reassuring Mr. Moore. 
 2g. Chieir 
 
 30. A False Prophecy {let us hope), 
 
 jr. Paderewski and D' Attnunzio. 
 
 j2. Mr. Belloc at the Vatican. 
 
 33. The Cecils Cross Over. 
 
 34.. "Si Vieillesse Pouvait!" 
 
 jj". Independent Liheralistn on the hand op Labour. 
 
 j6. Lord Randolph, and Mr. Winston, Churchill. 
 
 ^7. The Mercilessness of Youth. 
 
 jS. Mr. Stephen Gwynn. 
 2g. The King of Spain. 
 
 40. Lodge and Lankester, mutually wondering. 
 
 41. Lord Spencer, still seeing. 
 
 42. Mr. Ralph Nevill, lecturing. 
 
 43. A Gentleman Usher. 
 
 44. Brandes and G. B. S. 
 4J. Mr. Filson Young. 
 
 46. Mr. Jacobs and Sir Gilbert Parker. 
 4^. The Old Pilgrim. 
 
 48. Mr. Asqtdth, Mr. Bonar Law, and Mr. Robey. 
 4g. Mr. Sidney Webb on his Birthday. 
 JO. President Wilson addressing Congress. 
 Ji. Mr. Conrad Again. 
 
 viii 
 
No LONGER A DEMOCRAT AT HEART? ■ . . COME 
 
"Enfin Seuls!" 
 
 Ill a world comparatively at peace now, Mr. Balfour tackles 
 Benedetto Croce. 
 
The Future, as beheld by the Eighteenth Century. 
 
m 
 
I 
 
 The Future, as beheld by the Nineteenth Century. 
 
 V 
 
The Future, as beheld by the Twentieth Century. 
 
Mr. Lytton Strachey, trying * to see her 
 WITH Lord Melbourne's eyes. 
 
 * and contriving: 
 
 M. B. 192 1. 
 
1 
 
A Translethean Soliloquy. 
 
 Damsel of the " Keepsake " Time : " I do wonder what the young 
 gentlemen saw in me ! " 
 
 1 
 
A Study in Temptation. 
 
 (Labour Delegates in Russia, 1920 ) 
 
f 
 
 I 
 
WooDROW Wilson's peace . . . 1920. 
 
 Mr Lloyd George (to M. Clemenceau) : "Thought he was going to 
 get the better of you and I ! " 
 
4 
 
 I 
 
Mr. Gordon Craig asking of them " a sacrifice worthy 
 
 OF THEIR CALLING AND THEIR IDEALS." [See p. 47 of Preface 
 to " The Theatre Advaucing.^^'\ 
 
Literature, Mr. Philip Guedalla and the Law (and all 
 acknowledgments to Sir Joshua Reynolds). 
 
Unison. 
 
 John Bull : "I wonder if j'ou quite realise how utterly sick and tired 
 of you I am." 
 
 Sir Edward C.\rson : "I wonder if you quite realise how utterly sick 
 and tired I am of meself." 
 
St. James's Street a few years ago. 
 
 The Marquess of Pantagruel believing (quite rightl)') that the sight 
 of him cheers and pleases the populace. 
 
 St. James's Street to-day. 
 
 The Marquess of Pantagruel believing (rightly or wrongly) that the 
 sight of him embitters the populace. 
 
" Tout peut se r£tablir." 
 
 Urgent Conclave of Doctrinaire Socialists, to decide on some means of 
 inducing the Lower Orders to regard them once more as Visionaries 
 nnerelv. 
 
Mr. Maurice Hewlett being photographed. 
 
1 
 
" When Labour Rules," or. What M. Cambon frightfully 
 
 FORESEES, AND WhY M. CaMBON IS LEAVING US. 
 
 {December, igso.) 
 
 Secretary for Foreign Affairs (holding- his first weekly reception) : 
 " Glad to see you, Moossoo ! You'll find I'm pretty well up in all 
 the main points already. Capital o' France : Paris, pronounced 
 Paree. Republican form o' g-overnment, founded 1792. Principal 
 exports : wines, silks and woollen goods. Battle o' Waterloo, 1814. 
 The Great War, 1914 to 1918. Take a chair." 
 
William, first Baron Leverhulme, setting out on 
 A long, painful, and entirely unpremeditated 
 
 JOURNEY ADOWN THE AGES. 
 
Blame the Cloth, 
 
 Captain of Industr\' declaring that the desire of the manual workers 
 to be paid exorbitant wages for doing the least possible amount of 
 work is a sure sign that the}' have lost their faith in a future life. 
 
A Belated Reader of Mrs. Asquith's Memoirs. 
 
 " H'm ! — Appears to have a very facile pen ! " 
 
i 
 
Sir Philip Sassoon in the House of Commons, iigj?-) 
 
i 
 
The Trick Election of 1918. 
 
 Independent Liberal : " What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole 
 world and " 
 
 Coalition Liberal : " lose his own seat? " 
 
1 
 
An Enigma in 1920. 
 
 Clio : "But how comes it that at a time of grave stress in the story of 
 a great old nation you are one of the leading" men ? " 
 
 Mr. Walter Long : "Well — er — really, you know — feller has a sense 
 o' duty and all that — besides, not without plenty of official experience, 
 quite apart from Quarter Sessions — sam.e time — since j ou put it that 
 way — come to think of it — 'pon my word, should like notice of that 
 question ! " 
 
Sir Claude Phillips "going on." (/p/^.) 
 
The author of "Trivia" submitting his latest MS. to 
 
 THE conductors OF " ThE LONDON IVIeRCURY." 
 
 [Mr. Logan Pearsall Smith, Mr. J. C. Squire, 
 Mr Edward Shanks. 1 
 
The Reaction towards a more Judicial Method 
 OF Criticism. 
 
 Elder Critic : " And what is that — er — rather pecuhar object? " 
 Younger Critic: "My hat, sir." 
 
The Old Adam, 
 
 ount Wilhelm von HohenzoUern rehearsing-, on the fond off-chance 
 that he might yet be extradited, his Demeanour in the Dock. 
 
Politics. 
 
 M'dyah, doncher think Trotsky must be farther a darling? Doncher 
 think it would be rarther divine if we had some one rarther like him 
 here ? Isn't there something rarther touching about him ? Of 
 co'rse a Red Terror would be rarther awful while it larsted. But 
 orl the same, I do think," etc. 
 
A Lacuna. 
 
 Mr. Edmund Gosse [to his interlocutor in "Avowals'') : " But, m}' deir 
 Moore, of course you will— of course they shall. Only, you don't tell 
 us when your seventieth birthday is ! " 
 
"A Chiel." [1914-1918.) 
 
 Eminent Lady : " I wonder what dear sweet Colonel Repington always 
 carries that funny little note-book about with him for ! 
 
\ 
 
The Patron. 
 
 — a drawing dedicated {with all possible sympathy and good-will, heaven 
 knows I) to those of ottr young poets who, 7iot knowing very much — why 
 should they know very much ? — about politics and the deplorable part 
 which human nature plays in politics, imagine that under the domination 
 Labour the liberal arts might have quite a decent chance. 
 
 Minister of Education: "Wot! You'll dedicate your mon-you- 
 mental translation of Pett Rark's sonnits to me if I'll get 3'ou out- 
 door relief for six months ? Oh, really ? And you saj' you're one 
 o' the Workers yourself? Worker? Blackmailer — that's what 
 you are ! . . . Outside ! " 
 
 [Exit Poet, inwardly composing (mutatis mutandis) some such letter as 
 was written by Samuel Johnson to the fourth Earl of Chesterfield. ] 
 
Post Taedia Long a La bo rum. 
 
 M. Paderewski : "Ah, read nic one of the poems of your youth ! ' 
 SiGNOR D'Annunzio : " Ah, play me one of your adorable sonatas 
 
i 
 
Mr. Belloc's Visit to the Vatican. 
 
 The Pope : " They tell me, my son, that 3'ou are a prophet." 
 
 Mk. Belloc : "I am, Your Holiness. And also I have a talent for 
 drawing ver}" pretty diagrams. Here is one of them, shewing that 
 in England the national conversion will take place some time 
 between May and July, 1923. 
 
I 
 
The Cecils Cross Over. 
 
 Mr. Lloyd George : 
 
 " Let nie have about me men that are fat, 
 Sleek-headed men and such as sleep o' nights 
 
" S/ ViElLLESSE POUVAIT ! ' 
 
 Scene: A Room in the War Office. 
 Time: The Present. 
 
 Eminent Scientist {explainmg chemical Jormula): "One ounce of this 
 powder, dropped from an aeroplane, would destroy all human and 
 other animal life throughout an area of 500 square miles.'' 
 
 Eminent Soldier (Sudan Campaign. Medal with clasps. Despatches 
 twice): "Would it though? Good gracious me, you don't say so ! 
 Marvellous ! . . . Have the other Powers got anything of the sort, 
 d'ye think ? " 
 
 Eminent Scientist : " Nothing quite so good at present, I think. But 
 of course " 
 
 Eminent Soldier : " Well, it's perfectly marvellous. But— gad !— how 
 it makes one wish one was a youngster and sine of being in the 
 Next Great War ! " 
 
Independent Liberalism's desire for some means 
 whereby it and labour shall not clash in 
 electoral contests. 
 
 Labour : "Well, I won't say it mightn't be for what you've called the 
 national good. But you see, Guvnor, the goods are what I'm. out 
 for." 
 
A More Fortunate Churchill. 
 
 Shade of Lord Randolph: "Seems to be simply nothing tliey won't 
 forg-ive him ! And hang it all I — they liked ME ! " 
 
1 
 
The Mercilessness of Youth. 
 
 Post-Impressionist : " No man with any real talent could have behaved 
 
 like that." 
 
Mr. Stephen Gwynn. {1914.) 
 
1 
 
The King of Spain. [1914^ 
 
p 
 
Psychic Matters. 
 
 Sir Oliv er Lodge : " Strange, that a man who looks so very 
 credulous " 
 
 Sir E. Ray Lankester : "Odd that with such a brow " 
 
\ 
 
Lord Spencer, (/p/^.) 
 
1 
 
Mr. Ralph Nevill pointing out to members of the 
 Young Men's Christian Association the temptations 
 TO which they are no longer exposed. 
 
A Gentleman Usher. (Mr. Lionel Cust.) {1914.) 
 
«' 
 
I 
 
Life-Force, Wo man -Set-Free, Superman, etc. {igi4-) 
 
 Georg Brandes ('Chand d'ld^es) : " What'll you take for the lot ? " 
 George Bernard Shaw : " Immortality." 
 
 Georg Brandes: "Come, I've handled these goods before! Coat, 
 Mr. Schopenhauer's ; waistcoat, Mr. Ibsen's ; Mr. Nietzsche's 
 trousers " 
 
 George Bernard Shaw : "Ah, but look at the patches ! " 
 
Mr, Filson Young, (^g^s-) 
 
The Member for Gravesend. [1914.) 
 
 Mr. W. W. Jacobs: "It's no sort of use talking- to them about the 
 Unity and Integrity of the Empire. All they want is that you 
 should sit down on your hat and stand rum all round." 
 
The Old Pilgrim Comes Home. 
 
 A drawing of Henry James, done in 1913. 
 
4 
 
Manners. (/9/j.) 
 
 Mr. Bonar Law (indicating Mr. Robey) : " Now he really is vulgar." 
 
 Mr. Asquith ; "I conceive, Sir, that he could plead justificatory 
 tradition." 
 
Mr. Sidney Webb on kis birthday. 
 
1 
 
President Wilson addressing Congress {igrj.) 
 
'A PARTY IN A PARLOUR, ALL SILENT AND ALL DAMNED" 
 AND, AS USUAL, Mr. JoSEPH CONRAD INTRUDING.