Published in the Shop of piF.VOLLAND CO. CHICAGO, U.S. A Copyright, 1913 P. F. VOLLAND CO. Chicago, 111. (All rights reserved) Oh, Skin- Nay! YOO HOO! J-JERE'S a reg'lar book about our Days of Real Sport. I betcha your pa an' ma will be as tickled with it as you an' me is. Gee ! It's got pitchers in it that seems like they wuz drawed right on th' spot by that feller Briggs an' ever' pitcher has a reg'lar little pome writ along with it by that feller Nesbit an' both o' them wuz reely boys oncet, just like any other ' Br^'^ boy. An' it's got up in a book by them fellers, the R F. Volland Company an' it's dedducated to All Us Fellers! NESBIT THE. PRINTE R_, New Year's Morning OH, Skin-nay! Hap-pay Noo Year! I hope that when it 's past That both of us have had the fun That we've had in the last. So Hap-pay Noo Year, Skin-nay, An' pa an' ma they say To tell your pa an' ma they wish Th' same to them today. Thawing the Pump WHEN our pump's froze, my paw he takes Hot water to it, an' he shakes Th' hannle, while he tries to thaw It so th' pump will pump — an' ma She tells him if he'd wrapped it tight With carpet, like she said last night, It wouldn't freeze. An' pa sez: "Oh, But wimmen likes to tell you so!" \ A Cold and Frosty Morning MY! Th' bed is good an' warm, An' outside you hear th' storm- Hear th' wind howl through th' trees 'Fraid to get up, 'fraid you'll freeze! Then your ma calls: "Son, I guess You'd best come down stairs to dress Say, I bet you're glad all right You lugged in that coal last night! Hitchin On WHEN th' crick is froze up an' th' snow's on th' groun Uncle Billy Magraw he comes drivin' to town With his pair o' bobsleds, an' his bells makin' noise, An' he chuckles an' hollers: "Hitch on to us, boys! You betcha there ain't no one ever yet saw A better than fat Uncle Billy Magraw. Monday Morning NOW, Saturday I can get up, an' I can get up Sunday— But, honestly, I want to sleep as soon as it comes Monday. It seems to me I've hardly winked before I get th' warnin' That I must hustle in my clo'es because it's Monday mornin.' When I grow up, you bet my boys will have what I am losin'— I'll tell their ma "Don't interfere. Just let 'em keep on snoozin'." "Post Office" AT Emmy Jones's birthday party Buck Engledorf swelled up— the smarty! Buhcause Pearl Mulson called his name In that tomfool post-office game. Huh! Buck ain't such a nawful wonder That all of us must stand from under! I guess he'd better get a girl — / was the one that called out Pearl. The Critical Moment THEY took our pitchers this last week — My throat dried up, I couldn't speak; They clamped some tongs back on my head, I held as still as if I's dead. An' baby squirmed, an' sister shook While we all had our pitchers took. Next time they do it, now, by heck! I ain't a goin' to wash my neck. Skinny is Sick SKINNY'S sick— an' ol' Doc Moore Hitched his horse in front their door. Missus Green an' Lizzie Brown An' 'most ever' one in town Has took jelly there, an' cake, An' th' best things they can make. Huh! Ol' Skinny always struck Jest th' finest kind o' luck. Skinny is Sick Easter Morning MA washed my ears, an' neck, an' face, An' told me not to leave th' place Until she's dressed — then said I've got To lug this lily in its pot To church. An' Bill an' Sam an' Joe They yelled: "Oh, ain't he purty, though?" Ma sez: "Don't answer them — they're bad." But, gracious, don't I wish I had? The Drizzly Day YOU can't go out, and you can't play Whenever it's a drizzly day. You got to set right in th' house And keep as still as any mouse. An' your ma sez: "My goodness me! Why you ain't happy, I can't see. There's lots of boys would think it fine To have a home like yours and mine." One Hours Practice ONE— an'— two— an'— three— an'— four— an'— one— An'— two— O, gee! If this wuz done I betcha I could have some fun. Yes, ma'am. I'm countin'— two— an'— three— an'— four- An'— one— Doggone! This makes me sore! She'll keep me here a half-hour more. When I grow up my boy won't have to stay Indoors when he could go an' play- Yes, ma'am. I'm practicin', I say! April First GEE, but Doc Jones is mad as hops. We told him Banker Brown wuz sick An' he lights out an' never stops Till he is clear acrost th' crick. Then we all yelled out: "Aprile Fool! Go wash yer face an' go to school." Marbles ■■ EN hunchin's! Git back there to taw! You can't span, neither! No, sir! Pshaw! Now watch me whack it— there she goes. O' course I meant to. Wha' d' ye s'pose? Yah! Clarence Ferguson he weeps An' says 'at he can't play fer keeps! Starting the Season HEY always let me choose one side — They brag how I can run an' slide An' pitch, an' catch, an' play first base Or field, or fill 'most any place. I can play any place at all Sence I got my new bat an' ball. The Vacant Lot I TELL you now it makes me hot To have to watch th' fellers play Out there in Mister Miller's lot — An' ma sez I can't get away! I bet you if I see Doc Green I'm go' to start a nawful fuss — I think that he was mighty mean To bring this bawlin' kid to us! Digging Worms GET yer fishpole fum th' attic, get a nickel's worth o' hooks — When it's fishin' time a feller has no time fer story books. An' you bet our lot's th' dandy fer th' fishworms that are fine- Hefty Miner says it's jest as if I owned a fishworm mine! Housecleaning Time HOUSECLEANIN' time is fun alive! We whoop around an' duck an' dive Through where th' carpet's on th' line- Play it's a tunnel— an' that's fine. An' pa he come an' give a whack Right through th' carpet on my back, Then laughed: "I didn't know you's there. But then I guess I didn't care. Just Outdoors INDOORS you can't do very much for fear you make a muss, Outdoors is made for boys an' girls, an' good for all of us. My pa he likes th' outdoors, too; he says th' Lord made that An' mixed it up with hills an' trees, an' hummocky an' flat So that it would be nice for folks, an' didn't skimp a bit- Pa says th' Lord likes all outdoors — he made so much of it. Crokay MY pa sez cro-kay is a game That cultivates a person's aim An stimulates his faculties So that he can do things with ease. You bet he's .tickled when he whacks Your ball just like he swung a axe- But when you drive him out o' bounds He sez you're ruinin' th' grounds! School's Out OH, th' last day o' school is th' best day of all — You grab up your books an' you run through the hall An' down th' big steps an' right out in th' street An' hustle right home, to start out with bare feet. Th' teacher she kisses you good bye an' cries — An' all o' th' girls they are wipin' their eyes. Huh! Think what she does when you don't mind th' rule — Oh, th' last day's th' best day of all days in school! The Swing OH, we got a swing that's th' dandiest thing— You can go jest as high as yuh please. You can swing away out till you're all turned about An' you look upside down through th' trees! The Great White Signal HERMAN Humphreys he went in Yesterday — up to his chin. Sez th' water 's fine— an' so Ever'body's goin' to go! Old Man Perkins sez: "Gee whiz! You'll all git th' rheumatiz." Swimmin' time 's all right, all right- No more bathin' Sat'd'y night! The Swimming Hole BILL c'n sink an' hold his nose An' touch th' bottom with his toes; Hen c'n dive an' part his hair; Pete c'n do th' crawl fer fair — I'm a goin' to watch when Bud Starts out, then smear him with mud, An' while he's washin' off th' dirt We'll knot his pants' legs an' his shirt. Ellinwood's Bridge AT Ellinwood's Bridge is a purty good place Fer fishin'— it's right up above th' old race. You set there an' holler at folks 'at drive past, An' get your lines tangled whenever you cast, An' onct in a while some one gets in a fight — An' one day Spuds Emerson got a big bite! Ellinwood's Bridge The Sunday School Picnic OUR Sunday School picnic was out in th' grove — We got us a liv'ry rig, too, an' I drove! An' Old Mr. Henderson set in a pie, An' I teased a girl till she started to cry. An' spiders got into my ma's deviled eggs An' I got some chigger bites on both my legs! Our First Show TTJE give Uncle Tom's Cabin fer five pins admission — VV An' it was more fun than we ever had fishin'. I played Little Eva, an' Topsy, an' Marks, An' Fred played Legree — an' you bet it was larks. Mis' Brown she told ma it wuz older folks duty To urge us on paths that would give life more beauty. The Lemonade Stand v WE set up a lemonade stand on th' street An' hollered "Cold Lemo!" to folks 'at went by. We made it jest sour enough, still it was sweet — An' each of us dipped out a little to try. Clem Mulford come by, an' he bought some, an' said: "Jest charge it," an' then went on, rubbin' his vest. Then Ernie an' Josie an' Freckles an' Ed An' Lucy an' Skinny an' me drunk th' rest. Circus Coming HERE'S th' circus comin'— an' a feller has to go, But where'll he get th' money to take him to th' show? Skinny he crawled under onct, an' then they throwed him out- Wonder if they'll watch this year to see who hangs about? Guess I'll tell my pa that I will whitewash our whole fence Fer my circus money — an' I'll rush home an' commence! \ Circus Coming The End of The Parade MY! Ther' wuz el'phants an' camels an' snakes An' two-headed people that pa said wuz fakes, An' Wild Men o' Guinny, an' giunts an' dwarfs— Th' p'rade went down our street an' Buck Engendorf An' last of it all wuz th' funniest clown That kep' folks a-laughin' all over th' town. He yelled out "Hello!" to me, Skinny an' Slim, An' you betcha we yelled back "Hello!" to him! Day After The Circus I'VE rubbed my joints with fish worm oil — Seems like it's just about to spoil, Th' way it smells! But then, they say, It makes you limber, anyway. I betcha lots o' folks right here Will be supprised in 'bout a year When I come leapin' in th' ring, Th' World's Unequalled Circus King! The Water Plug I CAN'T understand it— when 1 go an' play Behind th' big sprinkler, or under th' spray Or by th' fire hydrant— an' sozzle an' sosh An' get jest as soaked as I do when I wash — My ma sez: "My goodness! I never have seen A boy half as hard as you are to keep clean!" The Ice Wagon JOE Hebbler, he's our ice man— he don't care how much you Nor if you help yourself to little chunks of ice beside! OF Joe he's purty nice, he is— he says: "Eat all you please! I reckon when next winter comes we'll have another freeze!" A Hot Sunday Afternoon WE pestered pa fer this an' that While ma jest fanned on, as she sat, An' pa, at last, he sez: "There! There! Do what you please, fer I don't care." Then ma, she up an' sez: "They won't! I know my duty, if you don't!" The Lost Penny UNCLE Joseph he give me a cent, An' it fell out sudden when I went To'rds th' store — went right down through a crack; Freckles Green, he jest won't give it back. He crawled under for it, then sez: "Pshaw! Findin's keepin's— Yes sir! That's th' law." The First Barber Shop Hair Cut ERNEST Skaggs, th' barber, cut my hair today— Ast me if I'd have it clipped, or which-a-way. (Pa has always cut it— ever' time his shears Slipped an' made some notches, or else nicked my ears.) Ernest put some stuff on that would make me smell, Then he blew th' hair out of my neck, with: "Well, There ye are, sir!" Then he give his hand a wave An' sez: "Did ye tell me that ye'd like a shave?" Long Pants MART Long wuz lots o' fun today- He had his first long breeches on; He tried to look so fine an' gay But soon he wished 'at he wuz gone. His ma sez that his manly air Jest makes her want to weep fer joy — She'd ought 'a' heard us yell fer fair: "Pants, where you goin' with that boy The New Pupil H' teacher asts him what's his name, How old he is, an' when he came To this here town, an' what he's learned — Huh! Soon as his ma's back is turned I'm go'n' to make a face at him. We've made up that we'll call him "Slim." At recess I'll jest put a chip Right on my shoulder, then I'll slip Up to him in the yard somewheres An' let him tech me if he dares! When Teacher Leaves the Room WHEN teacher leaves the room, she sez: "Now see How nice an' good you children dear can be." Then Elsie Spriggs she makes a face at Matt, An' Alferd Porter me-ows like a cat, An' ever'body jest cuts loose fer fair, Excep't th' goody-goodies! They set there An' look so hor-ri-fied, I want to yell. But they're all 'fraid cats, an' don't dast to tell. An Afternoon With Longfellow IWISHT Longfeller he was here To speak his piece hisself, I do! I'd put a bug right in his ear Buhfore my little say was through. That Alferd Potts— he thinks he's smart, A-kiddin' me while I recite. If some one don't keep us apart When school is out, there'll be a fight! Recess— and "Crack the Whip" TH' Willis boy that's just moved here— he's hardly ever played A single game that us boys knows; he acts like he's afraid! We learned him "crack th' whip" at recess-time— him on th' end An' all of us whirled 'round an' 'round an' then we let him bend Th' Willis boy knows one game now, an' in a week, I'll bet We'll have him 'nitiated in some more he won't forget! Taking Her Home From School A W, why'n't they let a feller be? They always haf to pick on me, Jest 'cause I walk along with May When her an' me go th' same way. I'd turn an' fight 'em all, but then May sez: "They just ain't gentlemen Sliding the Banisters D OWN to Skinny's house they got th' fine an' dandy stairs With jest th' slickest banister you'll find most anywheres, An' Skinny's ma an' Skinny's pa they let us come an' slide— They say 'at children must have fun, an' needn't to be tied. An' Skinny's pa he slid down once, an' Skinny's ma said: "Joe, You get to be a bigger boy the older 'at you grow!" Saturday Morning THERE ain't a day like Saturday- October, March, September, May, Or any time. Fer then you know Fer all th' day you can let go. You got to do some chores, o' course, An' your ma talks until she's hoarse About what you can an' can't do — But Saturday's jest made fer you. The Kitchen WHEN my ma bakes, she bakes most things An' she's so glad she 1 hums an' sings, • An' takes out pies, an' bread an' cake— My! What a lot my ma can bake! An' she don't care how much we eat Because her cookin' can't be beat. Why, when she bakes, I bring in wood An' stand around, an' jest be good. Saturday Night WHEN it's Saturday night all our shoes has been shined An' our Sunday School lessons is fixed in our mind, An' pa's gone down town fer a shave — he'll come back An' tell ma how he got off the funniest crack When they tried to joke him! An' he'll grin, An' he'll tell it all over an' chuckle like sin. An' then ma will say: "Goodness! Boys, fill up that tub Here's all o' these children at this hour to scrub!" Sunday Evening rt-rvON'T go to any trouble, ma," pa says each Sunday night. U "Don't fix th' table— we'll all just pick up a little bite." An' then we all pitch in an' eat, an' look aroun' for more While ma keeps tellin' us to not drop things upon th' floor. When we're all through, "I do declare!" ma says, "I think I'd teel Lots better if instead o' this you'd let me cook a meal!" Nut tin' Time WHEN it's hick'ry nuttin' time then a feller loves to climb Up th' trees, or throw clubs at 'em till th' nuts come rainin' down. Oh, he loves to fill his sack an' go whistlin' slowly back With his load o' dandy shellbarks down th' turnpike into town. The Magnate ALBERT Sanders he come here . 'Bout th' middle o' last year. Us boys joked him till he cried 'Cause he was so sissified. Yesterday, though, Albert brought A new football his pa bought — Dollar fifty was th' price — Now we treat Al pretty nice. Electing the Football Captain OUR football team election— it was held jest yesterday, An' Pinky Small an' Hen an' Joe an' Pete an' Johnny Gray They got into a wrangle, 'cause each was a candidate— An' each one told th' others that he'd lick 'em, jest to wait! But Albert Sanders got elected captain after all, 'Cause he's th' only feller that's th' owner of a ball. Hallowe'en OLD Mister Ferguson he is hoppin' mad — Sez he'd like to wallop us with a ellum gad, Sez we'll come to some bad end, an' sez a whole lot more Jest because we threw some stalks o' cabbage at his door. When he opened up th' door we all lit out an' run- Scared to death an' out o' breath, but, golly, it was fun! Comp'ny Coming WE had to wash up Sunday style An' ma she lectured us a while On our buh-havior— an' she dressed Herself up in her Sunday best, An' pa he shaved, and then to boot He diked up in his Sunday suit— I know th' first thing they will say Will be "It's sech a pleasant day!" Huh! This is just th' best o' jokes- To put on dog fer Skinny's folks! Comp'ny After The Big Dinner PA'S got on his Sunday clo'es, an' ma she washed my face An' ever'thing is redded up all over all th' place. They don't dast to scold you when th' company is here, They ack like we wuz always full o' happiness an' cheer. Mister Jones he sez to pa: "Well, we ain't on th' shelf, But let th' kids cut loose, you know— you wuz a boy yourself." Comp'ny's Gone TT7HEN comp'ny's here, my folks jest smile W' An' let me cut up all th' while, An' never seem to mind th' noise But say: "Oh, yes, boys will be boys!" But when th' comp'ny goes! Why, gee They up an' take it out on me! The Daring Smoker bUDGY Murray he can smoke-got one of his pa's cigars That he keeps at home shut up in one o' these candy jars. Pudgy lit it up an' puffed, while us other boys looked on- Said he'd let us try a pull after it was half -way gone But he got as white as milk, an' says: "I won't finish yet. I'm a-feelin' kind o' sick, 'count o' somepm that I et. The Plutocrat ERNEST Plummer's Uncle Jack Give him five cents at a whack! Ern was proud as proud could be — Wouldn't hardly let us see His ol' nickel! Then we went Down to watch him while it 'uz spent. Huh! He acted mighty shy— Sez: "I don't know what to buy!" Stingy! I jest sez to Hank: "Bet he puts it in his bank!" Buckwheat Cakes HERE'S lots o' things that's good to eat— There's pie, an' jam, an' bread an' meat, But nothin' 's good as when ma makes Those dandy, fresh, hot buckwheat cakes! Th' more you eat, th' more you like! Your stummick won't go on a strike. Ma stops at last with: "Goodness sakes! Ain't you folks filled with buckwheat cakes?" Shoveling a Path I'M Peary at th' North Pole trudgin' through th' snowy waste, Without a thing but bootheels an' some shoestrings for to taste— I got to find th' pathway, an' I'll have to tunnel through To find my trusty Eskymo who wait in my igloo. \ The First Sliding FIRST time it freezes us boys likes to slide — But girls they just giggle an' squeal An' hunt fer a place that's about a foot wide An' skate on one toe an' one heel. An' 'Lizabeth Felton, she sez: "I'd be scared To risk broken bones like you do." An' then I reshed out, an' the things that I dared Would 'a' been most supprisin' to you. 1 1 Sunday Before Christmas SUNDAY School's a-goin' to have a Christmas tree — Albert Dunkhorst snooped around an' ast th' kids till he Found that ours would have th' best, an' then as bold as brass Yesterday he come right in an' set down with our class! Teacher ast who Moses was, an' Al he spoke right up: "Mose did our white washin', an' give me a setter pup!" Just Before Christmas IT'S jest before Christmas — wherever I go My folks say: "Now, don't look in there!" I try to look innocent, like I don't know They're hidin' my things anywhere. They ast me to write to old Santy, an' say He'll bring me nice things, if I'm good. I guess I'll hold out, though it's tough every day To behave like they think 'at I should. Christmas Morning OH, Mer-ray Chris'mas, Skin-nay! My ma an' pa they say To tell your folks they wish 'em a mer-ray Christmas day Come on an' see my presunts; you bring yours over, too — ■ I betcha I got more 'n ol' Santy brought to you! Christmas Morning