POLLY HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 A DRAMATICK NOVEL 
 OF ONE ACT. 
 
 As it is Acted at the 
 
 T H E AT RE-R O Y AL 
 
 I N 
 
 D R U R Y-L ANE. 
 The THIRD EDITION. 
 
 With ALTERATIONS. 
 
 ******* 
 
 * 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for T. Becket, and P. A. DeHondt, in the 
 Strand, mdccixii* 
 
^^^^^^^r^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^ 
 
 <)BC«}eC*)eC*}sC*)e(;*}QC*}6C*)9C«)9(-*)aC*)eC> 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 AFTER exprefllng my Gratitude to the Pub- 
 lick for the kind reception they have given 
 to Mifs Honeycombe, and returning thanks to the 
 Performers for their care and uncommon excellence 
 in the Reprefentation, I did not think of adding 
 any thing further by way of Preface ; but my 
 Publifher infills on the necefiity of my faying fome- 
 thing in behalf of the Piece, which, I think, ought 
 to fpeak for itfelf, and that my friend's fcheme is 
 much of the fame colour with Bayes's practice of 
 printing papers, to infmuate the Plot into the Boxes. 
 It has been ufual with the Writers of the French 
 Theatre, it is true, to tack Examens of their 
 Plays, like a (ting or melius non tangere to the Cri- 
 ticks, to the tail of them. But why need an Eng- 
 lifh Author put himfelf to that trouble, when the 
 learned and impartial gentlemen of the Reviews 
 fire fo ready to take it off his hands, unlefs it were, 
 like Dryden, to turn the thunder of the Critick's 
 own artillery againft himfelf, and to confute or 
 anticipate his cenfures, by proving the Fable, Cha- 
 racters, Sentiments, and language, to be excel- 
 lent, or, if indeed there were fome parts of it in- 
 ferior to the reft, fuch parts were purpofely under- 
 written^ in order to fet off the fuperior to more 
 advantage ? This, indeed, Dryden has often done, 
 and done fo inimitably, that I fha.ll not attempt 
 
 k 
 
vi PRE F ACE. 
 
 it after him. To the Gentlemen, therefore, above- 
 mentioned, the felf-impannelled Jury of the Eng- 
 lifh Court of Criticifm, without Challenge, J put 
 myfelf on my Trial for the High Crime of writing 
 for the Stage, trufting that their candour will fend 
 me a good deliverance. 
 
 I could, indeed, in compliance with the requefl: 
 of my Publifher, have obliged the Publick, by 
 printing, entire, an original Manufcript, now in 
 my poiTeflion, containing feveral ftri&ures on the 
 following fcenes being no other than a Letter 
 from my Mother, occafioned by the firft night's 
 reprefentation, which, like moft other firft nights, 
 was nothing more than a Publick Rehearfal, with 
 ten thotifand fears and apprehenfions that never 
 attend a private one. That Good Gentlewoman, 
 hurt at the confufion, and in pain for my fuccefs, 
 tells me with much warmth, and as dogmatically 
 as any Male Crkick could polTibly do, that She is 
 aftonifhed at my attempting to violate the received 
 
 laws of the Drama That the Catqftrophe (that 
 
 was really her word) is directly contrary to all 
 known rules — That the feveral Characters, inftead 
 of being difmilTed, one by one, mould have been 
 induftrionfly kept together, to make a bow to the 
 
 audience at the dropping of the curtain Thar, 
 
 notwithftanding any confufion, created by the Girl's 
 whimfical paffion for Novels, in the courfe of the 
 Piece, all parties mould be perfectly reconciled to 
 each other at laft. Polly, having manifefted her 
 affection for him, mould, to befure, have been mar- 
 ried to Scribble ; and the Parents mould have 
 been thoroughly, though fuddenly, appeafed by the 
 declared reformation of both. Ledger might, 
 with much propriety and great probability, have 
 been difpofed of to the Nurfe : and the whole 
 
 Piece, 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 Piece, inftead of concluding bluntly with a fen- 
 tence in Profe, mould have been tagged with a 
 Couplet or Two ; and. then every thing would 
 have gone off fmoothly and roundly, a la mode 
 du theatre. 
 
 Having thus prefented the Publick with a fmall 
 fpecimen of my good Mother's talents for Criti- 
 cifm, I mall not, by attempting to anfwer them, 
 heap Remarks upon Remarks ; rather chufing to 
 leave Her and all other Criticks, Male and Fe- 
 male, to meditate on the following extraft from 
 Ben Johnfon ; but mull, at the fame time, defire 
 not to be underftood to take to myfelf that confi- 
 dence, with which he prefumes to fpeak of his own 
 abilities. 
 
 " Though my Cataftrophe may, in the Ariel: 
 tc rigour of Comick Law, meet with cenfure ; I 
 " defire the learned and charitable Critick, to have 
 " fo much faith in me, to think it was done of 
 *' induftry : for, with what eafe I could have va- 
 " ried it nearer his fcale (but that. I fear to boaft 
 " my own faculty) I could here infert." 
 
 To this quotation I fhall add a mort ftory, and 
 then conclude my Preface with an Extract from 
 the Catalogue of one of our moft popular Circu- 
 lating Libraries ; from which Extract the reader 
 may, without any great degree of flirevvdnefs, drain 
 the moral of this performance. The ftory is as 
 follows. 
 
 A Nobleman of Madrid, being prefent at the 
 Spanifh Comedy, fell afleep during the firft aft, 
 and never woke again till the end of the play. 
 Then rubbing his eyes, and obferving his friends 
 laughing at the hearty nap he had taken, he cried 
 out, How now? Gentlemen! IVhat ! Is it over 
 then? Are the Actors all Ma rried ? 
 
 EXTR AC T, 
 
EXTRACT- 
 
 ACcompliftVd Rake, or the 
 modern fine Gentleman. 
 Adventures of Mifs Polly 
 B — ch — rd and Samuel Tyr- 
 rel, efq. 
 Adventures of Jerry Buck. 
 Adventures of Dick Hazard. 
 Adventures of Jack Smart. 
 Adventures of Lindamira, a 
 
 Lady of Quality. 
 Adventures of David Simple. 
 Adventures of a Turk. 
 Adventures of Daphnis and 
 Chloe. 
 
 Advenures of Prince Cleremont 
 and Mad. de Ravezan. 
 
 Adventures of Mr. Loveil. 
 
 Adventures of Jofeph Andrews. 
 
 Adventures of Hamilton Mur- 
 ray. 
 
 Adventures of a Rake. 
 Adventures of a Cat. 
 Adventures of a Black Coat. 
 Adventures of Frank Ham- 
 mond. 
 
 Adventures of Mr. George Ed- 
 wards, a Creole. 
 
 Adventures of a Valet. 
 
 Adventures of Capt. Green- 
 land. 
 
 Adventures of Roderick Ran- 
 dom. 
 
 Adventures of Peregrine Pickle. 
 Adventures of Ferdinand Count 
 
 Fathom. 
 Agenor and Ifmeaa, or the War 
 
 of the tender paflions. 
 Amelia, by Mr. Fielding. 
 Amelia, or the diftrefled Wife. 
 Amours of Philander and Syl- 
 
 via, or Love-letters between 
 a Nobleman and his Sifter. 
 
 Amorous Friars, or the Intrigues 
 of a Convent. 
 
 Anti Gallican, or the Hiftory 
 and Adventures of Harry 
 Cobham. 
 
 Anti- Pamela, or feigned Inno- 
 cence detedled. 
 
 Apparition, or Female Cavalier, 
 a Story founded on Fads. 
 
 Auftion. 
 
 Beauty put to its Shifts, or the 
 Young Virgin's Rambles, 
 being feveral Years Adven- 
 tures of Mifs * * * * in 
 England and Portugal. 
 
 Bracelet, or the Fortunate Dif- 
 covery ; being the Hiftory 
 of Mifs Polly * * *. 
 
 Brothers. 
 
 Bubbled Knights, or fuccefsful 
 Contrivances; plainly evinc- 
 ing, in two familiar inftances 
 lately tranfa&ed in this Me- 
 tropolis, the Folly and Vnrea- 
 fonablenefs of Parents laying a 
 Reftraint upon their Children* 
 Inclinations in the affairs of 
 Love and Marriage. 
 
 Card. 
 
 Chiron, or the mental Optician. 
 
 Chit-chat, or a feries of inte- 
 refting Adventures. 
 
 Chryfal, or the Adventures of 
 a Guinea, with curious Anec- 
 dotes. 
 
 Clariffa, or the Hiftory of a 
 young Lady ; comprehend- 
 ing the moft important Con- 
 cerns 
 
EXTRACT. 
 
 ferns of private Life, and 
 particularly fhewing the Dif- 
 trefies that may attend the 
 Mifconduft both of Parents 
 and Children in relation to 
 Marriage. 
 
 Cleora, or the Fair Inconftant : 
 an authentick Hiftory of the 
 Life and Adventures of a 
 Lady, lately very eminent in 
 high Life. 
 
 CJidanor and Cecilia, a Novel, 
 defigned as a fpecimen of a 
 Collection, adapted to form 
 the Mind to a juji way of 
 thinking, and a proper Manner 
 of behaving in Life. 
 
 Clio, or a fecret Hiilory of the 
 Amours of Mrs. S — n— - m. 
 
 Cry, A Dramatick Fable. 
 
 Dalinda, or the Double Mar- 
 riage. 
 
 Devil upon Crutches in Eng- 
 land, or Night Scenes in 
 London. 
 
 Emily, or the Hiftory of a 
 Natural Daughter. 
 
 Fair Adulterefs. 
 
 Fair Moralift. 
 
 Fair Citizen, or the Adventures 
 of Charlotte Bellmour. 
 
 Fanny, or the Amours of a 
 Weft-country young Lady. 
 
 Female Foundling; mewing the 
 happy Succefs of coortant 
 Love, in the Life of Made- 
 moifelle D- R- . 
 
 Female Rambler, or Adventures 
 of Madam Janeton de * f *• 
 
 Female Banilhment, or the Wo- 
 man Hater. 
 
 Female Falfhood. 
 
 Fortunate Villager, or Memoirs 
 of Sir Andrew Thompfon. 
 
 Fortune-Teller, or the Footman 
 Innobled. 
 
 Friends, a fentimtntal Hiftory. 
 
 Gentleman and Lady of Plea- 
 fure's Amufement, in Eighty, 
 eight Queftions, with their 
 Anfwers, on Love and Gal- 
 lantry. To which are added, 
 the Adventures of Sophia* 
 with the Hiftory of Frederick 
 and Caroline. 
 
 Henrietta . 
 
 Hiftory of Charlotte Villars. 
 
 Hiftory of Mifs Kitty N , 
 
 containing her Amours and 
 Adventures in Scotland, Ire- 
 land, Jamaica, and England. 
 
 Hiftory of BarbaroiTa and Pol-: 
 lyane. 
 
 Hiftory of Two Perfons of 
 
 Quality. 
 Hiftory of Lavinia Rawlins. 
 Hiftory of two Orphans, by 
 
 W. Toldervy. 
 Hiftory of Henry Pumpnt, Efq; 
 
 and Mifs Charlotte Evelyn ; 
 
 with fome critical Remarks 
 
 on comic AcTtors, by Mrs. 
 
 Charke. 
 Hiftory of Benjamin St. Martin, 
 
 a fortunate Foundling. 
 Hiftory of the Life and Adven- 
 tures of Mr. Anderfon. 
 Hiftory of Honpria, or the Ad r 
 
 ventures of a young Lady ; 
 
 interfperfed with the Hjftory 
 
 of Emilia, Julia, and ofhers. 
 Hiftory of Betty Barnes. 
 Hiftory of Jemmy and Jenny 
 
 Jeflamy. 
 Hiflory of Dicky Gotham and 
 
 Doll Clod, ' 
 Hiftory of Fanny Seymour. 
 Hiftpty of S°phia Shakefpeare. 
 Hiftory of Sir Charles Gran- 
 
 difon. 
 
 Hiftory of a young Lady of 
 Diftinclion. 
 
 b Hiftory 
 
EXTRACT. 
 
 Hiftory and Adventures of 
 Frank Hammond. 
 
 Hiftory of Jafper Banks, 
 
 Hiftory of J. Trueman, Efq j 
 and Mifs Peggy Williams. 
 
 Hiftory of Sir Harry Herald 
 and Sir Edw. Haunch. 
 
 Hiftory of Will Ramble, a Li- 
 bertine. 
 
 Hiftory of Mifs Polly Willis. 
 
 Hiftory of my own Life. 
 
 Hiftory of Lucy Weliers. 
 
 Hiftory cf a Fair Greek, who 
 was taken out of a Seraglio 
 at Conftantinople. 
 
 Hiftory of Hai Ebor Yokdhan, 
 an Indian Prince. 
 
 Hiftory of the human Heart, 
 or Adventures of a young 
 Gentleman. 
 
 Hiftory of Charlote Summers. 
 
 Hiftory of Cornelia. 
 
 Hiftory of Tom Jones a Found- 
 ling. 
 
 Hiftory of Tom Jones in his 
 married State. 
 
 Hiftory of two modern Adven- 
 turers. 
 
 Hiftory of Sir Roger, and his 
 
 Son Joe. 
 Hiftory of Mifs Sally Sable. 
 Hiftory of Mira, Daughter of 
 
 Marcio. 
 
 Hiftory of Amanda, by a young 
 Lady, 
 
 Hiftory of a Woman of Qua- 
 lity, or the Adventures of 
 Lady Frail, 
 
 Hiftory of Pompey the Little, 
 or the Adventures of a Lap- 
 Dog. 
 
 Hiftory of Wilhelmina Sufan- 
 
 nah Dormer. 
 Hiftory of Porcia. 
 Hiftory of the Countefs of DelJ- 
 
 wyn. 
 
 Hiftory of Ophelia. 
 
 Hiftory of the Marchipnefs de 
 Pompadour, Miftrefs to the 
 French King, and firft Lady 
 of Honour to the Queen. 
 
 Hiftory of Tom Fool. 
 
 Hiftory of the Intrigues and 
 Gallantries of Chriftiana, 
 Queen of Sweden. 
 
 Hiftory of Jack Connor. 
 
 Hiftory of Mifs Betfy Thought- 
 lefs. 
 
 Hiftorics of fome of the Peni- 
 tents in theMagdalen-Honfe. 
 
 "Jilts, or Female Fortune-hunt- 
 ers. 
 
 Impetuous Lover, or the Guilt- 
 lefs Parracide ; ftiewing ts 
 what Lengths Love may run, 
 and the extreme Folly of 
 forming fchemes for Futurity. 
 
 Intriguing Coxcomb. 
 
 Journey through every Stage 
 of Life. 
 
 Juvenile Adventures of David. 
 Ranger, Efq. 
 
 Juvenile Adventures of Mifs 
 Kitty Fiftier. 
 
 Lady's Advocate, or Wit and 
 Beauty a Match for Trea- 
 chery and Inconftancy ; con- 
 taining a Series of Gallan- 
 tries, Intrigues, and Amours, 
 fortunate and fwifter i Quar- 
 rels and Reconciliations be- 
 tween Lovers ; conjugal 
 Plagues and Comforts, Vexa- 
 tions and Endearments j with 
 many remarkable Incidents 
 and Adventures, the EfFefts 
 of Love and Jealoufy, Fide- 
 lity and Inconftancy. 
 
 Ladies Tales. 
 
 Life and Adventures, of Miran- 
 da. 
 
 Life^ 
 
EXTRACT. xl 
 
 Life's Ptogrcfs, or the Adven- 
 tures of Natura. 
 
 Life and Adventures of Joe 
 Thompfon. 
 
 Life of Harriot Stuart. 
 
 Life of Patty Saunders. 
 
 Life and Hiftory of a Pilgrim . 
 
 Life and Adventures of Sobri- 
 na. 
 
 Life of Corporal Bates, a bro- 
 ken-hearted Soldier. 
 
 Life and Adventures of Coll. 
 Jack. 
 
 Life and Adventures of James 
 
 Ramble, Efq. 
 Life of Charles Ofborn, Efq. 
 Life of Mri John Van. 
 Life and Opinions of Mifs Su- 
 
 key Shandy, of Bow-Street, 
 
 Gentlewoman. 
 Love and Friendihip, or the 
 
 Fugitive. 
 Lydia. 
 
 Marriage Aft. 
 
 Memoirs of the Countefs of 
 Berci. 
 
 Memoirs of Fanny Hill. 
 
 Memoirs of a Man of Quality. 
 
 Memoirs of the Life of John 
 Medley, Efq. 
 
 Memoirs of a Coxcomb. 
 
 Memoirs of the Shakefpear's- 
 Head Tavern ; 
 
 Memoirs of the celebrated Mifs 
 Fanny M 
 
 Memoirs of B Tracey. 
 
 Memoirs of Fidelio and Har- 
 riot. 
 
 Memoirs of Sir Thomas Hough- 
 fon and Mr. Jofeph Wil- 
 liams. 
 
 Memoirs of an Oxford Scholar. 
 Memoirs of a young Lady of 
 
 Quality. 
 Memoirs of the noted Buck- 
 
 horffe. 
 
 Memoirs of a certain Tfland. 
 Memoirs of a Man of ^leafure. 
 Memoirs of a young Lady of 
 Family. 
 
 Memoirs of fir Charles Good- 
 ville. 
 
 Modern Cha^aclers illuftrated 
 
 by Hiftories. 
 Modern Lovers. 
 Modern Story- teller; 
 Mother. 
 
 Mother-in-Law. 
 
 New Atalantis for the Year One; 
 
 thoufand feven hundred and 
 
 fifty-eight. 
 New Atalantis for the Year One 
 
 thoufand feven hundred and 
 
 fitfy-nine. 
 New Atalantis for the Year One 
 
 thoufand feven hundred and 
 
 fixty. 
 Nominal Huiband* 
 Pamela. 
 
 Polydore and Julia. 
 
 Proftitutes of Quality, or Adul- 
 tery a la Mode ; being au- 
 thentic and genuine Memoirs 
 of feveral peribns of the 
 higheft Quality. 
 
 Reformed Coquet. 
 
 Revolutions of Modefty. 
 
 Rival Mother. 
 
 Rofalinda. 
 
 Roxana. 
 
 School of Woman, or Memoirs 
 
 of Conftantia. 
 Sedan* in which many new 
 
 and entertaining Chara&ers 
 
 are introduced. 
 Sifters. 
 Skimmer. 
 Sopha. 
 
 Spy on Mother Midnight, Or 
 
 F 's Adventures. 
 
 Stage- Coach. 
 
 b 2 Temple- 
 
xli E X T 
 
 Temple- Beau, or the Town- 
 Rakes. 
 
 Theatre of Lovej a Collection 
 
 of Novels. 
 True Anti-Pamela. 
 Widow of the Wood. 
 Zadig, or the Book of Fate. 
 
 k C T. 
 
 Zara and the Zaraiians. 
 Zulima, or Pure Love. 
 
 &e. &c. &(.. 6ff. &a 
 
 fcff. &*. &C. &i. &c„ 
 
 &c. &c t &c. &c. &c. 
 &e. &c. bft; m. &c 
 
 P R O L O G U E. 
 
 Spoken by Mr: KING. 
 
 JL^ITHER, in days of yore, from Spain or France 
 Came a dread Sorcerefs % her name, Romance; 
 O'er Britain'^ Ifle ber wayward fpells She cafi, 
 And Common Senfe in magick chain bound fajt. 
 In mad Sublime did each fond Lover wooe, 
 And in Hercicks ran each Billet-Doux : 
 High deeds of Chivalry their file Delight, 
 Each Fair a Maid Diftreji, each Swain a Knight. 
 Then might Statira Orondates fee, 
 At Tilts and Tournaments, arm*d Cap- a pe. 
 She too, on Milk-white Palfrey, Lance in hand, 
 A Dwarf to guard h&, pranfd about the land. 
 
 This Fiend to quell, his fword Cervantes drew\ 
 A trufiy Spanifh Blade, Toledo true : 
 
 Her T alifmans and Magick Wand He broke 
 
 Knights, Gemi, Caftles vaniftoed intofmohs. 
 
 But 
 
PROLOGUE; 
 
 But now, the dear delight of later years. 
 The younger Jijler of Romance appears : 
 Lefs folemn is her air, her drift the fame. 
 
 Novel her enchanting, charming, Name. 
 Romance might Jlrike our grave Forefathers pomp, 
 But Novel for our Buck and lively Romp I 
 Caflfandra'j Folios now no longer read, 
 See, Two neat Pocket Volumes in their Jlead ! 
 And then fo fentimental is the Stile, 
 So chajle, yet fo bewitching all the while f 
 Plot, and elopement, paffion, rape, and rapture, 
 The total fum of ev'ry dear — dear — Chapter. 
 
 'Tis not alone the Small-Talk and the Smart, 
 'Tis Novel moft beguiles the Female Heart. 
 Mifs reads— fhe melts— Jhe fighs — Love Jleals upon her — 
 And then — Alas, poor Girl I— good night, poor Honour ! 
 
 " * Thus of our Polly having lightly fpoke, 
 " Now for our Author ! — but without a joke. 
 46 Though Wits and Jou/nals, who ne'er fibtfd before, 
 " Have laid this Bantling at a certain door, 
 " Where, lying Jlore of faults, they'd fain heap more \ 
 " / now declare it, as a ferious truth, 
 *« 'Tis the firfl folly of a fimple Youth < 
 * ' Caught and deluded by our harlot plays : — — 
 44 Then crujh not in the fhell this infant Bayes ! 
 44 Exert your favour to a young Beginner, 
 " Nor ufe the Stripling like a Batter y d Sinner ! 
 
 * Thefe Lines were added by Mr. Garrick, on its being 
 reported, that he was the Author of this Piece : and, however 
 humorous and poetical, contain as Uriel matter of fift as the 
 dulleil Profe. 
 
PER 
 
 Honeycombed 
 
 Ledger, 
 
 Scribble, 
 
 Mrs. Honeycomb r 7 
 Polly, 
 
 Nurse. 
 
 SON 8< 
 
 Mr. Yates. 
 Mr. Bransby* 
 Mr. Kino. 
 
 Mrs. Kennedy, 
 Mifs Pope. 
 Mrs. Bradshaw* 
 
i & ¥ 2£ & •* I 
 
 5 i 
 
 J ^ & 3£ )5£ & ? 
 
 POLLY HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 A Dramatick Novel of One Act, 
 
 SCENE I. 
 4« Apartment in HONEYCOMBED 
 POL L Y, » Book in her Hand, 
 
 j^UGK^ELL faid, Sir George!— O the dear 
 W man !— But fo— "'With thefe words 
 
 ^ W )$( tt t ^ e enraptur*d baroriet [reading] con- 
 " c ^ u ^ ec ^ his declaration of love." — So! 
 wlMmMM — " But what heart can imagine, 
 f* [reading] what tongue defcribe, or what pen de- 
 ?' lineate, the amiable confufion of Emilia ?" — • 
 
 Well ! now for it ! " Reader, if thou art a 
 
 courtly reader, thou haft fcen, at polite tables, 
 
 iced 
 
2 POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 " iced cream crimfoned with rafberries ; or, if thou 
 " art an uncourtly reader, thou haft feen the rofy- 
 ** finger'd morning dawning in the golden eaft 
 —Dawning in the golden eaft ! — Very pretty ;*4r- 
 M Thou haft feen, perhaps, [reading] the artificial 
 '* vermilion on the cheeks of Cleora, or the ver- 
 " milion of nature on thofe of Sylvia thou haft 
 " feen — in a word, the lovely face of Emilia was 
 V overfpread with blulhes." — U — This is a moft 
 beautiful paflage, I proteft ! Well, a Novel for 
 my money ! Lord, lord, my ftupid Papa has no 
 tafte. He has no notion of humour, and charac- 
 ter, and the fenfibility of delicate feeling, {affec- 
 tedly] And then Mama, — but where was I ?— Oh 
 here — " Overfpread with bluihes. [reading] Sir 
 " George, touched at her confufion, gently feized 
 "her hand, and foftly prefling it t6 his bofbm, 
 " [acling it as Jhe reads] where the pulfes of his 
 M heart beat quick, throbtyng with, tumultuous 
 ** paffion, in a plaintive tone of voice breathed out, 
 u Will you not anfwer me, Emilia ?" — —Tender 
 creature !— — *< She, half raifing [reading and aft- 
 fi ing] her downcaft eyes, tancl half inclining her 
 " averted head, faid in faltering accents — Yes, 
 ** Sir !" — Well, now ! — " Then gradually recover- 
 *« ing, /with ineffable fweetnefs fhe prepared to ad- 
 " drefs him ; when Mrs. jehkinfon bounced into 
 " the room, threw down a fet of china in her hur- 
 *f ry, and ftrewetf the floor with porcelain frag^ 
 p. ments : then turning Emilia round and round, 
 *5 whirled her out of the apartment in an initant, 
 <* and ftruck Sir George dumb with aftonilhmen* 
 " at her appearance. She raved; but the baroner, 
 )\ refuming his accuftomed effrontery . 
 
 Mnter 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. g 
 
 Enter Nurse. 
 
 Oh, Nurfe ! I am glad to fee you Well, and 
 how 
 
 NURSE. 
 Well, Chicken ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 Tell me, tell me all this inftant. Did you fee 
 him ? Did you give him my letter ? Did he 
 write ? Will he come ? Shall I fee him ? Have 
 you got the arifwer in your pocket ? Have you- 1 —. 
 NURSE. 
 Blefiings on her, how her tongue runs ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 Nay, but come, dear Nurfee, tell me, what didj 
 he fay ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Say ? why he took the letter - 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Well ! 
 
 NURSE. 
 And kifs'd it a thoufand times, and read it a 
 thoufand times, and • 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Oh charming ! 
 
 N U R S E. 
 And ran about the room, and blefb himfelf, 
 and, heaven preferve us, curft himfelf, and ^ 
 
 P O L L Y. 
 Very fine ! very fine ! 
 
 NURSE. 
 And vowed he was the molt miferable creature 
 jp upon 
 
4 POLLY HON EYC O M B E. 
 
 upon earth, and the happieft man in the world, 
 and- 
 
 POLLY. 
 Prodigioufly fine! excellent! My dear, dear 
 Nurfee! [Kiffing her.'] Come, give me the letter. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Letter, Chicken ! what letter ? 
 
 P O L L Y. 
 The anfwer to mine. Come then t [Impatiently.] 
 
 N U R S E. 
 I have no letter. He had fuch a per amble to 
 write, by my troth I could not flay for it. 
 
 P O L L Y. 
 
 Pfhah! 
 
 NURSE. 
 ' How foon you're affronted now ! he faid he'd 
 fend it fome time to-day. 
 
 POLLY. 
 Send it fome time to-day !— I wonder now, [as 
 if mujing.] how he will convey it. Will he fqueeze 
 it, as he did the laft, into the chicken-houfe in the 
 garden ? Or will he write it in lemon-juice, and 
 fend it in a book, like blank paper ? Or will he 
 throw it into the houfe, inclofed in an orange ? Or 
 will he 
 
 N U R S E. 
 Heavens blefs her, what a fharp wit ihe has ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 I have not read fo many books for nothing. 
 ^Novels, Nurfee, Novels ! A Novel is the only 
 thing to teach a girl life, and the way of the world, 
 and elegant fancies, and love to the end of the 
 chapter. 
 
 N U R S Er 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 5 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Yes, yes, you are always reading your fimple 
 flory-books. The Ventures of Jack this, and the 
 hiftory of Betfy t'other, and fir Humphrys, and 
 women with hard chriftian names. You had bet- 
 ter read your prayer-book, Chicken. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Why fo I do; but Pm reading this now— [Look- 
 ing into the book.'] " She raved, but the baronet"-— 
 I really think I love Mr. Scribble as well as Emi- 
 lia did Sir George.— Do you think, Nurfee, I mould 
 have had fuch a good notion of love fo early, if I 
 had not read Novels ? — Did not I make a conqueft 
 of Mr. Scribble in a fmgle night at a dancing ? 
 But my crofs Papa will hardly ever let me go out. 
 — And then, I know life as well as if I had been 
 in the Beau Monde all my days. I can tell the 
 nature of a mafquerade as well as if I had been at 
 twenty. I long for a mobbing fcheme with Mr. 
 Scribble in the two-milling gallery, or a fnug par- 
 ty a little way out of town in a poft-chaife' *» 
 
 and then, I have fuch a head full of intrigues and 
 contrivances! Oh, Nurfee, a Novel is the only 
 thing. 
 
 NU RSE. 
 Contrivances! ay, marry, you have need of 
 contrivances. Here are your Papa and Mama ful- 
 ly refolved to marry you to young Mr. Ledger, 
 Mr. Simeon the rich Jew's wife's nephew, and all 
 the while your head runs upon nothing but Mr. 
 Scribble. 
 
 POLLY. 
 A fiddle flick's end for Mr. Ledger! I tell you 
 what, Nurfee, I'll marry Mr. Scribble, and not 
 
 B 2 marry 
 
6 POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 marry Mr. Ledger, whether Papa and Mama 
 chufe it or no. — And how do you think I'll con- 
 trive it? 
 
 N U R 
 
 s 
 
 E. 
 
 How ? Chicken ! 
 
 
 
 POL 
 
 L 
 
 V. 
 
 Why, don't you know? 
 
 
 
 N U R 
 
 S 
 
 E. 
 
 No, indeed. 
 
 
 
 POL 
 
 L 
 
 y. 
 
 And can't you guefs ? 
 
 
 
 N U R 
 
 S 
 
 E. 
 
 No, by my troth, not I. 
 
 
 
 POL 
 
 L 
 
 y. 
 
 O lord, 'tis the commoneft thing in the world « 
 intend to elope. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Elope ! Chicken, what's that I 
 POLLY. 
 
 Why, in the vulgar phrafe, run away, — 
 
 that's all 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Mercy on us ! Run away ! 
 
 POLL Y. 
 Yes, run away, to be fure. Why there's nothing 
 in that, you know. Every girl elopes when her 
 parents are obftinate and ill-natured about marry- 
 ing her. It was juft £> with Betfy Thompfon, and 
 Sally Wilkins, and Clarinda, and Leonora in the 
 hiftory of Dick Carelefs, and Julia in the Adven- 
 tures of Tom Ramble, and fifty others — Did not 
 they all elope? and fo will I too. \ have as much 
 right to elope as they had, for I have as much 
 Iove 3 and as m Vjch fpirit ? as the belt of them. 
 
 NURSE. 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 7 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Why, Mr. Scribble's a fine man to be fure, a 
 gentleman every inch of him ! 
 
 P O L L Y. 
 
 So he is, a dear charming man! — Will you 
 elope too, Nurfee ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Not for the varfal world. Suppofe now, Chick- 
 en, your Papa and Mama • 1 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 What care I for Papa and Mama ? Have not 
 they been married and happy long enough ago ? 
 and are they not ftill coaxing, and fondling, and 
 luffing each other all the day long ?— Where's my 
 dear Love, [mimicking.'] My Beauty ? fays Papa, 
 hobbling along with his crutch-headed cane, and 
 his old gouty legs : Ah,, my fweeting, my preci- 
 ous Mr. Honeycombe, d'ye love your nown dear 
 wife ? fays Mama and then they fqueeze their 
 hard hands to each other, and their old eyes 
 twinkle, and they're as loving as Darby and Joan, 
 — efpecially if Mama has had a cordial or two- — < 
 Eh! Nurfee! 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Oh fie, Chicken ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 And then perhaps, in comes my utter averfipn, 
 Mr. Ledger, wjth his news from the Change, and 
 his Change-alley wit, and his thirty per cent, [mi- 
 micking.] and flocks have rifen one and a half and 
 three-eighths.— I'll tell you what, Nurfee ! they 
 would make fine characters for a Novel, all three 
 of them. 
 
 NURSE, 
 
S POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Ah, you're a gracelefs bird!— But I muft go 
 down ftairs, and watch if the coaft's clear, in cafe 
 of a letter. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Could not you go to Mr. Scribble's again after 
 it ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Again ! indeed, Mrs. Hot-upon't 1 
 POLLY, 
 
 Do now, my dear Nurfee, pray do ! and call at 
 the Circulating Library as you go along, for the 
 reft of this Novel — The Hiftory of Sir George 
 Truman and Emilia — and tell the bookfeller to be 
 fure to fend me the Britifh Amazon, and Tom 
 Faddle, and the reft of the new Novels this win- 
 ter, as foon as ever they come out. 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Ah, pife on your naughty Novels ! I fay. [Exit. 
 POLLY. 
 
 Ay, go now, my dear Nurfee, go, there's a 
 good woman. — What an old fool it is! with her 
 pife on it — and fie, Chicken— and no, by my troth 
 
 — [mimicking.] Lord! what a ftrange houfe I 
 
 live in ! not a foul in it, except myfelf, but what 
 are all queer animals, quite droll creatures. There's 
 
 Papa and Mama, and the old foolifh Nurfe. 
 
 [Re-enter Nurse with a baud-bcx.~\ Oh, Nurfee, 
 what brings you back fo foon ? What have you 
 got there ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 Mrs. Commode's 'prentice is below, and has 
 brought home your new cap and ruffles, Chicken ! 
 
 POLLY, 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 9 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Let me fee — let me fee — [opening the box.] Well, 
 1 fwear this is a mighty pretty cap, a fweet pair of 
 
 flying lappets ! Aren't they, Nurfee ? Ha ! 
 
 what's this? [looking into the box.] — Oh charming! 
 
 a letter ! did not I tell you fo ? Let's fee — let's- 
 
 fee ( opening the letter hafiily — it contains three or 
 
 four Jheets.) " Joy of my foul only hope 
 
 ** eternal blifs — [dipping into different places.] The 
 ,* c cruel blafts of coynefs and difdain blow out the 
 * e flame of love, but then the virgin breath of 
 " kindnefs and companion blows it in again."-— 
 Prodigious pretty! isn't it, Nurfee ? [turning over 
 the leaves.] 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Yes, that is pretty, — but what a deal there is 
 on't ! It's an old faying and a true one, the more 
 there's faid the lefs there's done. Ah, they wrote 
 otherguefs fort of letters, when I was a girl ! 
 [while Jhe talks Polly reads.] 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lord, Nurfee, if it was net for Novels and Love- 
 letters, a girl would have no ufe for her writing and 
 reading. — But what's here ? [reading.] Poetry ! — - 
 " Well may I cry out with Alonzo in the Revenge — • 
 " Where didjl thou Jieel thoje eyes ? From heaven ? 
 •* 'Thou didft, and 'tis religion to adore them /" 
 Excellent ! oh ! he's a dear Man. 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Ay, to be fure !— But you forget your letter- 
 carrier below fhe'll never bring you another, if 
 you don't fpeak to her kindly. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Speak to her ! why, I'll give her fix -pence, wo- 
 man ! Tell her I am coming. — I will but juft read 
 my letter over five or fix times, and go to her. — Oh, 
 
 he's 
 
jo POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 he's a charming man ! [reading. 1 ] Very fine ! very 
 pretty ! — He writes as well as Bob Lovelace ! — 
 [kiffing the letter.] Oh, dear, fweet Mr, Scribble I 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Scene changes to another Apartment. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE and Mrs. HONEYCOMBE at 
 breakfajl — HONEYCOMBE reading the News- 
 paper. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 My dear ! [peevi/hly.] 
 
 H ONEYGOMBE. 
 What d'ye fay, my Love ? [Jiill reading.] 
 
 Mfs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 You take no Notice of me. — Lay by that filly 
 paper — put it down — come then — drink your tea. 
 You don't love me now. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Ah! my beauty! [looking very fondly.] 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Do you love your own dear wife ? [tenderly S\ 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Dearly. She knows I do.-— — Don't you, my 
 
 beauty ? 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Ah, you're a dear, dear man ! [rijing and kiffing 
 him.] He does love her — and he's her own hufbarid 
 — and fhe loves him moft dearly and tenderly — m~» 
 that me does, [kiffing him.] 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 My beauty ! I have a Piece of news for you. 
 
 Mrs. HONE Y- 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB?, n 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 What is it, my Sweeting ? 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 The Paper here fays, that young Tom Seatom 
 of Alderfgate-Street, was married yeftcrday at 
 Bow-Church, to Mifs Fairly of Cornhill. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 A flaunting, flaring huffy ! me a hufband ! 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 But what does my Beauty think of her own 
 Daughter ? 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 Of our Polly ? Sweeting ! 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 Ay, Polly : What fort of a wife d'ye think fhe'll 
 make ? my Love ! — I concluded every thing with 
 Mr. Simeon yefterday, and expect Mr. Ledger 
 every minute. 
 
 Mrs. H O NEYC OMBE. 
 Think, my Sweetings ! — why, I think, if fhe 
 loves him half fo well as I do my own dear man, 
 that fhe'll never fuffer him out of her fight — that 
 fhe'll look at him with pleafure — [they, both ogle 
 fondly.]— and love him— and kifs him — and fondle 
 him— oh, my dear, it's impoffible to fay how 
 dearly I love you. [kiffing and fondling him.'] 
 
 Enter LEDGER, 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Heyday ! what now, good folks, what now ? ' 
 Are you fo much in Arrear ? or are you paying off 
 principal and intereft both at once ? 
 
 C HONEY- 
 
12 POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 ,My dear! Confider— — Mr. Ledger is - * 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 What fignifies Mr. Ledger ? — He is one of the 
 family, you know, my Sweeting ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Ay, fo I am, — never mind me — never mind me. 
 
 Tho', by the bye, I mould be glad of fomebody 
 
 to make much of me too. Where's Mifs Polly ? 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 That's right— that's right. Here, John ! 
 
 Enter JOHN. 
 Where's Polly? 
 
 JOHN. 
 In her own room, Sir. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Tell her to come here and hark ye, John ! 
 
 while Mr. Ledger ftays, I am not at home to any 
 body elfe. {Exit John. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Not at home ! — are thofe your ways ? — If I was 
 to give fuch a MelTage to my fervant, I mould ex- 
 pect a commiflion of bankruptcy out againft me 
 the next day, 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Ay, you men of large dealings — it was fo with 
 
 me, when I was in bufinefs. But where's this 
 
 girl ? what can (he be about ? My Beauty, do 
 
 flep yourfelf, and fend her here immediately. 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 I will, my Sweeting ! [offering to kifs him.'] 
 
 HONEY* 
 
Pol ly honeycombe. \$ 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Nay, my Love, not now- — 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 Why not now ? — I will, [kijfmg him.'] Good bye* 
 Love.— -Mr. Ledger, your fervant! — B'ye, Deareft ! 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Ha ! ha ! you fee, Mr. Ledger ! you fee what 
 you are to come to — but I beg pardon— I quite 
 forgot—have you breakfafted ? 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Breakfafted ! ay, four hours ago, and done an 
 hundred Tickets fince, over a difh of coffee, at 
 Jonathan's.— Let me fee, [pulling out his watch.'] 
 blefs my foul, it's eleven o'clock! I wifh Mifs 
 would come. — It's Transfer-Day. — I muft be at 
 the Bank, before twelve, without fail. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Oh, here fhe comes. — [Enter Polly.] — Come, 
 Child! where have you been all this Time? 
 
 Well, Sir, I'll leave you together.- Polly, you'll 
 
 ha ! ha ! ha ! Your ferva nMr. Ledger, 
 
 your fervant ! [Exit. 
 
 [Polly and Ledger remain, — they ft and at a great 
 » difianct \ from each other. ~\ 
 POLLY. 
 
 What a monfter of a man ! What will the 
 
 frightful creature fay to me ? 1 am now, for 
 
 all the world, juft in the fituation of poor ClarifTa, 
 
 « and the wretch is ten times uglier than Soames 
 
 himfelf 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Well, Mifs ! 
 
 C 2 POLLY. 
 
14 POLLY HONEY COMBE. 
 
 POLLY. [4/ute.] 
 He fpeaks ! what mall I fay to him ? — Suppofe 
 I have a little fport with him. — I will. 111 in- 
 dulge myfelf with a few airs of difiant flirtation at 
 firft, and then treat him like a dog. Til ufe him 
 worfe than Nancy Howe ever did Mr. Hickman. 
 
 Pray, Sir, [to Ledger.] Did you ever read the 
 
 Hiftory of Emilia ? 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Not I, Mifs, not I. — I have no time to think of 
 fuch things, not I. — I hardly ever read any thing, 
 except the Daily Advertifer, or the lilt at Lloyd's 
 — - nor write neither, except its my name now and 
 then. — I keep a dozen clerks for nothing in the 
 world elfe but to write. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 A dozen clerks!-— Prodigious ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Ay, a dozen clerks, Bufinefs muft be done, 
 Mifs ! — We have large returns, and the bailance 
 
 muft be kept on the right fide, you know. -In 
 
 regard to laft year now- Our returns from the 
 
 firft of January to the laft of December, fifty-nine, 
 were to the amount of fixty thoufand pounds, 
 fterling. We clear upon an average, at the rate 
 of twelve per cent. Caft up the twelves in fixty 
 thoufand, and you may make a pretty good guefs^ 
 at our net profits. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Net Profits ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Ay, Mifs, net profits.— Simeon and Ledger are 
 names as well known, as any in the Alley, and 
 
 good 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 15 
 
 good for as much at the bottom of a piece of pa- 
 per. But no matter for that you rnuft know 
 
 that I have an account to fettle with you, Mifs. — 
 You're on the debtor fide in my books, I can tell 
 you, Mifs. 
 
 POLLY. 
 I in your debt, Mr. Ledger ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Over head and ears in my debt, Mifs ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 I hate to be in debt of ail things pray let 
 
 me dilcharge you at once for I can't endure to 
 
 be dunn'd. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Not fo fail, Mifs ! not fo fail. Right reckon- 
 ing makes long friends Suppofe now we Ihould 
 
 compound this matter, and ftrike a ballance in fa- 
 vour of both parties. 
 
 POLLY. 
 How d'ye mean ? Mr. Ledger ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Why then in plain Englifti, Mifs, I love you 
 
 I'll marry you My uncle Simeon and Mr. 
 
 Honeycombe have fettled the matter between 
 
 them- 1 am fond of the match and hope 
 
 you are the fame There's the Sum Total. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Is it pomble that I can have any charms for Mr. 
 Ledger ? 
 
 LEDGER 
 
t6 POLLY HONEYCOMBS. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Charms ! Mifs ; you are all over charms. — — -t 
 like you— I like your perform your family, your 
 
 fortune- — —I like you altogether -the Omniums 
 
 Eh, Mifs! — —I like the Omniums- and 
 
 don't care how large a premium I give for them. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lord* Sir! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Come, Mifs, let's both fet our hands to it, and 
 fign and feal the agreement, without lofs of time, 
 or hindrance of bufinels. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Not fo faft, Sir, not fo faft. — Right Reckoning 
 makes long friends, you know — Mr. Ledger ! 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Mifs! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 After fo explicit and polite a declaration on your 
 part, you will expect, no doubt, fome fuitable re- 
 turns on mine. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 To be fure, Mhs> to be fure — ay, ay, let's ex- 
 amine the per contra. 
 
 POLL Y. 
 
 What y@u have faid, Mr. Ledger, has, I take 
 it for granted, been very fincere* 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Very fincere, upon my credit, Mifs ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
POLLY HONE YCOM BE. 17 
 
 P O L L Y. 
 
 For my part then, I muft declare, however un- 
 willingly 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Out with it, Mifs ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 That the paffion 1 entertain for you is equally 
 flrong- 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Oh brave ! 
 
 POLL Y. 
 
 And that I do, with equal, or more fineerity— 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Thank you, Mifs ; thank you ! 
 
 POL L Y. 
 flate and deteft— - 
 
 L ED GER. 
 
 How ! how ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 pDath and abhor you--* « 
 
 LEDGE R, 
 
 • What! what! 
 
 POLLY, 
 
 Your fight is {hocking to me, your converfation 
 odious, and your paffion contemptible—-—' 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Mighty well, Mifs j mighty well ! 
 
 POLLY, 
 
i8 POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 POLL Y. 
 
 You are a vile book of arithmetick, a table of 
 pounds, millings, and pence — You are uglier than 
 a figure of eight, and more tirefome than the mul- 
 tiplication-table. There's the Sum Total. 
 
 L E p G E R. 
 
 Flefli and blood— 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Don't talk to me—Get alon^-^-Or, if you don't 
 leave the room, I will. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Very fine, very fine, Mifs ! Mr. Honey- 
 combe mall know this. He'll bring you below 
 Par again, I warrant you. [Exit. 
 
 POLLY alam. 
 
 Ha! ha! ha! There he goes! Ha! ha! 
 
 ha! — I have out-topped them all— Mifs Howe, 
 NarchTa, Clarinda, Polly Barnes, Sophy Willis, 
 and all of them. None of them ever treated an 
 odious fellow with half fo much fpirit. — — This 
 would make an excellent chapter in a new No- 
 vel. But here comes Papa — In a violent 
 
 paffion, no doubt. No matter. It will 
 
 only furnifh materials for the next chapter. 
 
 Enter HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 What is the meaning,, miftrefs Polly, of this 
 extraordinary behaviour? How dare you treat Mr. 
 Ledger fo ill, and behave fo undutifully to your 
 Papa and Mama ?— -You are a fpoilt child — Your 
 Mama and I have been too fond of you 
 
POLLY HON&YCOMBE. to 
 
 Bfit have a care, young madam ! mend your con- 
 duel, or you may be fare, we'll make you repent 
 on't. 
 
 POL LY. 
 
 Lord, Papa, how can you be lb angry with 
 
 me ? 1 am as dutiful as any girl in the world. 
 
 * But there's always an uproar in the family a- 
 
 bouc marrying the daughter, and now poor I mull 
 fuffer in my turn. 
 
 HONEVCOMBE. 
 
 Hark ye, Mifsl Why did not you receive 
 
 Mr. Ledger as your lover ? 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lover 1— Oh, dear Papa, he has no more of a 
 
 lover about him! He never fo much as caft 
 
 one languiming look towards me, never once preft 
 my hand, or ftruck his breaft, or threw himfelf 
 at my feet, or — -Lord, I read fuch a delightful 
 declaration of love in the new Novel this morn- 
 ing ! firft, Papa, fir George Trueman — — 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Devil take fir George Trueman ! thefe curfed 
 
 Novels have turned the girl's head Hark ye, 
 
 huiiy ! I could almoft find in my heart to— I fay, 
 huffy, isn't Mr. Ledger a hulband of your Papa 
 and Mama's providing ? and arVt they the pro- 
 pereft perfons to difpofe of you ? 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Difpofe of me!— See there now! — Why you 
 
 have no notion of thefe things, Papa !- Your 
 
 head's fo full of trade and commerce, that you 
 would difpofe of your daughter like a piece of 
 D merchandife 
 
POLLY HONEY COM BE, 
 
 merchandife — But my heart is my own property* 
 
 and at nobody's difpofal, but my own. Sure 
 
 you would not confign me, like a bale of filk, to 
 Ledger and Co.— Eh ! Papa ! 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 Her impudence amazes me. — Hark ye, huffy, 
 you're an undutiful flat— — \ — 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Not at all undutiful, Papa ! But I hate Mr. 
 
 Ledger. 1 can't endure the fight of him - 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 This is beyond all patience. Hark ye, huffy, 
 
 I'll 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Nay more -, to tell you the whole truth, my 
 heart is devoted to another. I have an infuperable 
 paMion for him and nothing (hall' make my af- 
 fection for my dear Mr. Scribble. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 Mr. Scribble !— Who's Mr. Scribble ?— Hark 
 ye, huffy, I'll turn you out of doors.— I'll have 
 you confin'd to your chamber— Get out of my 
 fight -I'll have you lock'd up this inftant. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lock'd up ! I thought fo. Whenever a poor 
 girl refufes to marry any horrid creature, her pa- 
 rents provide for her, then fhe's to be lock'd up 
 
 immediately. Poor Clariffa ! poor Sophy Wei- 
 
 tcrn ! I am now going to be treated juil as you 
 have been before me. 
 
 HONEY- 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. at 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Thofe abominable books ! Hark ye, huffy ! 
 
 you mall have no Novel to amufe you — Get along, 
 I fay — No pen and ink to fcrawl letters — Why 
 
 don't you go ?— Nor no trufty companion. — 
 
 Get along I'll have you lock'd up this inftant, 
 
 and the key of your chamber mall be in your Ma- 
 nia's cuftody. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Indeed, Papa, you need not give my Mama fo 
 
 much trouble.-* 1 have — > . . 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Get along, I fay. 
 
 POLLY, 
 
 I have read of fuch things as ladders of ropes — 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Out of my fight ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Or of efcapingout of the window, by- tying the 
 
 fheets together 
 
 H O N E Y C Q M B E. 
 
 Hark ye, huffy- 
 
 POLLY, 
 
 pr of throwing one's-felf into the ftreet upon a 
 
 feather- bed 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 I'll turn you out of doors — 
 
 POLLY, 
 
 Or of being catch'd in a gentleman's arms-? — 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Zouns, I'll— — - 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Or of 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Will you be gone ? [Exeunt, both talking. 
 
 D 2 SCENE 
 
zz POLLY HONEYCOMB E« 
 
 Scene changes to POLL Y'j apartment. 
 
 Enter SCRIBBLE, dijgttis'd in a livery. 
 
 So ! — In this difguife miftrefsNurfe has brought 
 
 me hither fafe and undifcover'd, Now for Mils 
 
 Polly ! here's her letter : a true picture of her non- 
 fenfical felf 1-W< To my deareft Mr. Scribble." 
 {Reading the direBion.] And the feal Two Poves 
 Billing, with this motto : 
 
 " We two, 
 
 " When we wooe, 
 
 « Bill and cooe." 
 
 - — Pretty !^-And a plain proof I (han't have 
 much trouble with her.- — I'll make fhort work 
 
 on*t Pll carry her off to-day, if poffible.- 
 
 Clap up a marriage at once, and then down upon 
 our marrow-bones, and afk pardon and blefling of 
 Papa and Mama. [Neife without] Here me comes. 
 
 HQNEYCQ'MH without. 
 Get along, I fay,^ Up to your own cham- 
 ber, huffy ! 
 
 POLLY, without. 
 Well, Papa, I am-. — i — 
 
 SCRIBBLE, 
 
 O the devil !'4 Her father coming up with, 
 
 her ! What mall I do ? [Running about.] Where 
 
 mall I hide myfelf ? 1 (hall certainly be difco- 
 
 vered. I'll get up the chimney. - — ZounS \ 
 
 they 
 
FO^LY HONEYCQMBE. 23 
 
 they arc juft here — ^Ten to one the old cuff may 
 not ftay with her — I'll pop into this clofet. 
 
 Enter H Q N E Y C O M B E and V Q h I, Y. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Here, miftrefs Malapert, (lay here, if you 
 pleafe, and chew the cud of difobedience an<} mif- 
 chief in private. 
 
 POLLY, 
 Very well, Papa ! 
 
 HONEYCQMBE. 
 Very well What ! you are fulky now ! Hark 
 ye, huffy, you are a fgucy minx, and 'tis not very 
 
 well. —I have a good mind to keep you upon 
 
 bread and water this month* I'U — I'll — But I'll 
 fay no more— —I'll lock you up, and carry the 
 key to your Mama— -—She'll take care of you.-~ 
 You will have Mr. Scribble.-r-Let's fee how he 
 can get to you now* [Shewing the key.] 
 
 [Exit, locking the door, 
 
 POLLY, alone. 
 And fo I will have Mr. Scribble too, do what 
 
 you can, Old Squaretoes ! 1 am provided with 
 
 pen, ink, and paper, in fpite of their teeth. • 
 
 I remember thatClariifa had cunning drawers made 
 on purpofe to fecure thofe things, in cafe of an 
 
 accident — 1 am very glad I have had caution 
 
 enough to provide myfelf with the fame imple- 
 ments of intrigue, tho' with a little more ingenu- 
 ity. Indeed now they make ftandifhes, and 
 
 tea-chefts, and dreffmg boxes, in all forts of fhapes 
 pd figures : — But mine are of my own inven- 
 
24 FOLLY HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 tion. — : Here I've got an excellent ink-horn in 
 
 my pin-cumion — And a cafe of pens, and fome 
 paper, in my fan. [Produces them.] I will write to 
 Mr. Scribble immediately. I mail certainly fee 
 him eaves-dropping about our door the firft oppor- 
 tunity, and then Til tofs it to him out of the win- 
 dow. [Sits (lown to write, 
 
 SCRIBBLE, putting his head out of the door of the 
 . . ctofet. 
 
 h clear coaft, I find —The old Codger's 
 
 gone, and has lock'd me up with his daughter — 
 So much the better! — Pretty Soul ! what is me 
 about ? Writing ?— A letter to me, I'll bet ten to 
 one- — 1*11 go and anfwer it in propria perfond. 
 
 [Comes forward, and Jiands behind Polly, 
 looking over her writing, 
 
 POL L Y, nvriting. 
 
 '" Me — in — your — Arms;*' Let me fee— — 
 
 "What- have I written ? [Reading.] " My deareft 
 " dear, Mr. Scribble. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 I thought fo ! 
 
 POLLY, reading. 
 
 " I am now writing in the moft cruel confine- 
 u ment. * Fly then, oh fly to me on the wings of 
 " love, releafe me from this horrid gaol, and im- 
 
 prifon me in your arms." 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 That I will with all my heart. [Embracing her, 
 POLLY. 
 
 Qh! [Screaming.] . < . 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 25 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 • O the devil! — why do you fcream fo ? — I lhall 
 be difcovered in fpite of fortune, [funning about *\ 
 POLLY. 
 Blefs me! is it you ? Hum ! [running to the door.] 
 here's my father coming up Hairs, I proteft. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 What the duce mail I do ? I'll run into 
 
 the clofet again. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 0 no ! he'll fearch the clofet Jump out 
 
 of the window ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 1 beg to be excus'd. 
 
 POLLY. 
 Lord ! here's no time to — he's here — get under 
 
 the table [Scribble hides.] — Lie ftill — What 
 
 mall I fay ? [fits down by the table.] 
 
 Enter HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 How now ? huffy ! — What's all -this noife ? 
 
 POLLY. 
 Sir ! [affetting furprize.] 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 What made you fcream fo violently ? 
 
 POLLY. 
 Scream \ Papa I 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Scream ? Papa ! — Ay, fcream, huify ! — What 
 made you fcream ? I fay. 
 
 POLL Y. 
 
m POLLY HONEY COMBE. 
 
 POLLY. 
 Lord, Papa, I have never opened my lips 4 but 
 have been in a philofophical reverie ever fince you 
 left me. 
 
 honeycom.be. 
 
 I am fure I thought I heard But, how 
 
 now, huffy ! What's here ? — pens — ink — and pa- 
 per ! Hark ye, huffy !— How came you by 
 
 thefe ?— So! fo! fine contrivances! — [Examining 
 
 them] — And a letter begun too " cruel cori- 
 
 " finement-^ wings of love your arms.** 
 
 [reading.'] Ah* you forward flut !— — But I am 
 
 glad I have difcovered this I'll feize thefe 
 
 moveables.** — So! fo! now write, if you can.— * 
 
 Nobody mall come near you Send to him* if 
 
 you can.— — Now fee how Mr. Scribble will get 
 
 at you* Now I have you fafe, rrtiftrefs ! — and 
 
 now — ha ! ha !— now you may make love to the 
 table.— Hey-day ! what's here ? a man ! [Seeing 
 Scribble.] There was a noife then. Have I caught 
 
 you ? madam ! Come, Sir, come out of your 
 
 hole ! [Scribble comes from under the tablet] A foot- 
 man ! — Who the devil are you ? Sir ! — Where did 
 you come from ? — What d'ye want I — How came 
 you here? eh, firrah ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Sir— I — I — What the duce fhall I fay to him ? 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Speak, rafcal ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE, 
 Sir— I — I— I came about a little bufinefs to Mifs 
 Honeycombe. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 Bufinefs ! — Ay, you look like a man of bufinefs 
 
 indeed What ! you was to carry this fcrawl of 
 
 a love-letter, I fuppofe. Eh, firrah ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 27 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 A lucky miftake ! I'll humour it. [AJide. 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 What's that you mutter ? Whole livery rs 
 
 this ? who do you belong to? fellow! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 My mafter. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 And who is your mafter, Sir ? 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 A gentleman. 
 
 POLLY. 
 Papa don't fufpect who he is. I muft fpeak 
 for him. [JJide.] This honeft young man be- 
 longs to the gentleman I told you I was devoted 
 to— Mr. Scribble, Papa! 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 To Mr. Scribble, does he ? Very fine ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Yes, Sir! to Mr. Scribble- a perfon of for- 
 tune and character A man of fafhion, Sir J — 
 
 Mifs Polly need not blufh to own her paffion for 
 him — I don't know a finer gentleman about town 
 than Mr. Scribble. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lord, how well he behaves ! — We (hall certain- 
 ly bam the old gentleman. [4fifo- 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Hark ye, firrah !— Get out of mj houfe this 
 inftant.—-- — Pye a good mind to have you toffed in 
 
 a blanket -or dragged thro' a horfe-pondr — r-or 
 
 tied neck and heels, and Pve a good mind to 
 
 carry you before the Sitting Alderman, you dog 
 you ? 
 
 E SCRIBBLE. 
 
28 POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 I won't give you that trouble, Sir ! Mifs 
 
 Honeycombe, I kifs your hands. You have no 
 
 further commands to my matter, at prefent ? 
 
 Ma'am ! Your compliments, I fuppofe. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Compliments! My bell love to my dear 
 
 Mr. Scribble. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Pretty foul ! 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 This is beyond all patience.— Out of my houfe, 
 
 firrah I j Where are all my fellows ? I'll 
 
 have you thrown out of the window. You (hall 
 
 be trundled down Hairs headlong— You mall 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Patience, old gentleman ! I fha.]\ go out of the 
 houfe the fame way I came into it, I promife you ! 
 
 « And let me tell you, Sir, by way of a kind 
 
 word at parting, that fcold Mifs Polly ever fo 
 much, watch her ever fo narrowly, or confine her 
 ever fo clofely, Mr. Scribble will have her, whe- 
 ther you will or no, you old cuff, you ! [Exit. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 An impudent dog! — I'll have his livery ftript 
 over his ears for his infolence. — As for you, my 
 young miftrefs, I'll bring down your high fpirit, 
 
 I warrant you. There, ma'am, fit there if you 
 
 pleafe ! [ forcing her into a chair.'] We'll fend you 
 the Whole Duty of Man, or the Practice of Piety 
 to read, — or a chair, a fcreen, or a carpet to work 
 with your needle.— We'll find you employment.— 
 Some other books than Novels, and fome better 
 
 company than Mr. Scribble's footman.- Have 
 
 done 
 
POLLY HON EYCOM BE. 29 
 
 done with your nonfenfe — and learn to make a 
 pudding, you impudent, idle young baggage ! 
 
 [ Exit. 
 
 POLLY, alone. 
 
 An old fool ! [mocking himJ\ Well ! this is a 
 curious adventure truly !— If I could but make 
 my efcape now, after all, it would be admirable. 
 — I am fure Mr. Scribble would not go far from 
 
 the houfe.- Let me fee — how can I manage it ? 
 
 — Suppole I force the lock — or take off the fcrews 
 
 of it — or get the door off the hinges.* I'll try. 
 
 [Goingy flops,] Or hold*! I have a brighter thought 
 
 than any of them I'll fet fire to the houfe 
 
 and fo be carried off, like ftolen goods, in the con- 
 
 fufion. A mod excellent contrivance ! — I muff 
 
 put it in practice. [Noife without.] O dear, here's 
 
 fomebody coming. [After unlocking the door, 
 
 Enter Nurfe.] Oh, Nurfe, is it you ? I am heartily 
 glad to fee you. I thought it had been Papa, or 
 Mama. 
 
 N U R S E. 
 Ah, Chicken, I have taken care of your Ma- 
 ma.- Mr. Honeycombe brought her the key in 
 
 a parlous fury, with orders to let nobody go near 
 you, except himfelf. But Madam — I can't chufe 
 but laugh — Madam had taken a glafs extraordina- 
 ry of her cordial, and I have left her fall afleep in 
 her own chamber. 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 The luckieft thing in the world ! Now, my 
 
 dear Nurfee, you may let your poor bird out of 
 
 her cage. Away, away this inftant ! 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Softly, Chicken, foftly! — you ruined all with 
 Mr. Scribble, juft now, by making a noife, you 
 know. 
 
 E 2 POLLY. 
 
30 POLLY HONEYCOMB E, 
 
 POLLY. 
 Lord, Nurfee, I had no power of reflection — I 
 
 Was quite frightened- 1 was as much furprifed 
 
 as Sophy Weftern when fhe faw Tom Jones in the 
 looking-glafs. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Hum ! you fhall Ileal off immediately. Your 
 Papa is very bufy with Mr. Ledger. Mr. Scrib- 
 ble is waiting with a hackney chair but in the next 
 ilreet — 7011 may flip flily into it, and be convey'd 
 to his lodging in a trice, Chicken ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 And he ftrut before the chair all the way in his 
 livery, and cry — " By your leave, Sir! — By your 
 
 " leave, Ma'am !"— Eh ! —Admirable ! Come, 
 
 Nurfee, I long to be in his hands* 
 
 NURSE. 
 Stay ! let me go before, to fee that there is no- 
 body in the way. Come gently down (lairs. — — 
 I'll fet open the door, and then you may get to 
 him as fail as you can. — Ah, you're a wanton 
 baggage ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 Very well ! come along then !— — " By your 
 " leave, Sir ! — By your leave, Ma'am !" Oh 
 rare !— This is the fineft adventure I ever had 
 in my life. [Exit, following the Nurfe. 
 
 Scene changes to Mrs. HONEYCOMBED 
 apartment, 
 
 Mrs. HONEYdOMBE alone,— fever al phials on 
 the table, with labels. 
 
 I am not at all well to-day. — [yawns, as if juji 
 waking.] — Such a quantity of -tea in a morning, 
 
 makes 
 
POLLY HONE YCOMBE. 3 x 
 
 makes one quite Nervous — and Mr. Honeycombe 
 
 does not chufe it qualified. 1 have fuch a diz- 
 
 zinefs in my head, it abfolutely turns round with 
 me. — I don't think neither that the Hyfterick Wa- 
 ter is warm enough for my ftomach. 1 muft 
 
 fpeak to Mr. Julep to order me fomething rather 
 more comfortable. 
 
 Enter NURSE. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Did you call, Ma'am ? 
 
 Mrs* HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Oh Nurfe, is it you ? — No, I did not call . 
 
 Where's Mr. Honeycombe ? 
 
 N U R S E. 
 
 Below ftairs in the parlour, Madam 1 did 
 
 not think (he'd have wak'd fo foon — If (he Ihould 
 mifs the key now, before I've an opportunity to 
 lay it down again ! [AJide.~\ 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 What d'ye fay, Nurfe ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Say? Ma'am! Say! 1 fay, I hope you're 
 
 a little better, Ma'am ! 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 Oh Nurfe, I am perfectly giddy with my Nerves, 
 and fo low-fpirited. 
 
 NURSE. 
 Poor gentlewoman ! fuppofe I give you a fup 
 out of the cafe of Italian Cordials, Ma'am ! that 
 was fent as a prefent from Mr. What-d'ye-call-him, 
 in Crutched-Fryars— The Italian Merchant with 
 the long name. 
 
 Mrs. 
 
J* POLLY HONEYCOMBS. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Filthy poifon! don't mention it!— Faugh 1 I 
 hate the very names of them.— You know, Nurfe, 
 1 never touch any Cordials, but what come from 
 
 the Apothecary's What o'clock is it ? Isn't 
 
 it time to take my Draught ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 By my troth, I believe it is — Let me fee, I be- 
 lieve this is it [Takes up a phial, and Jlips the 
 
 key upon the table.] " The Stomachick Draught to 
 " be taken an hour before dinner. For Mrs. Ho- 
 *« neycombe." [reading the label.] — Ay, this is it 
 
 ■ By my troth, I am glad I've got rid of the 
 
 key again. [JJide.] 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Come then ! — Pour it into a tea cup, and give 
 it me.— I'm afraid I can't take it. It goes fadly 
 againft me. 
 
 While Jhe is drinking, HONEYCOMBE '-without. 
 
 Run, John, run !— After them immediately !— 
 
 Harry, do you run too Stick clofe to Mr. 
 
 Ledger Don't return without them for your 
 
 life ! 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Good lack ! good lack ! they're difcovered as 
 fure as the day. \Afide.] 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Lord, Nurfe, what's the matter ? 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 I don't know, by my troth. 
 
 Enter 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 33 
 
 Enter HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 O, my Sweeting, I am glad you are come. — I 
 Was fo frighted about you. [Rifes, and feems difi, 
 ordered.] 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Zouns, my Dear — 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 O don't fwear, my Deareft ! 
 
 HONE YCOMBE. 
 
 Zouns, it's enough to make a parfon fwear . 
 
 You have let Polly efcape She's run away with 
 
 a fellow. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 You perfectly aftonifh me, my Dear! 1 can't 
 
 pofTibly conceive -My poor head aches too to 
 
 iuch a degree Where's the key of her cham- 
 ber ? [Seems difordered.] 
 
 NURSE. 
 Here, Madam, here it is. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Zouns, I tell you 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Why here's the key, my Sweeting ! It's ab- 
 
 folutely impoffible — it has lain here ever fince you 
 brought it me — not a foul has touched it — have 
 they, Nurfe? [difirdered.] 
 
 NURSE. 
 
34 POLLY HONEYCOMB E, 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 Not a creature, I'll take my Bible oath on't. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 I tell you, (he's gone. I'm fure on't — Mr. 
 
 Ledger faw a ftrange footman put her into a chair, 
 at the corner of the ftreet — and He and John, an4 
 a whole PofTe, are gone in perfuit of them. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 This is the moft extraordinary circumftance > 
 
 It's quite beyond my comprehenfion But my 
 
 Sweeting muft not be angry with his own dear 
 wife—it was not her fault, [fondling.] 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Nay, my Love, don't trifle now ! — — 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 I mufW-*-I will- — - 
 
 HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 Zouns, my Dear, be quiet 1 — I mall have my 
 girl ruined for ever. 
 
 LEDGER, nvithout. 
 
 This way — this way — bring them along ! 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Hark ! they're coming— Mr. Ledger has over- 
 taken them they're here. 
 
 LEDGER, without. 
 
 Here ! — Mr. Honeycpmbe is in this room— r-~ 
 Come along ! 
 
 Enter 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 35 
 
 Entet LEDGER, POLLY, and SCRIBBLE, 
 
 with Servants. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Here they are, Mr. Honeycombe! We ? ve 
 
 brought them back again.- Here they are, 
 
 Madam. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE, 
 Hark ye, Huffy ! I have a good mind to turn 
 
 you out of doors again immediately. You are 
 
 a difgrace to your family. — You're a lhame to 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 Stay, my dear, don't you put yourfelf into fuch 
 
 a paffion ! Polly, obferve what I fay to you-*- 
 
 Let me know the whole cjrcumftances of this af- 
 fair 1 don't at all underftand Tell me, 
 
 I fay [Diferder'd.'] 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Zonns ! I have no patience. — Hark ye, hufiy ! 
 « Where was you going ? Tell me for cer- 
 tain who this fellow belongs to ?■ Where does 
 
 he live ? Who is he ? 
 
 PO LLY. 
 That gentleman, Papa, that gentleman is no. 
 Other than Mr. Scribble. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 This ! is this Mr. Scribble ? 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 The very man, fir, at your fervice- An hum- 
 ble admirer of Mifs Ploney combe's. 
 
 POLL Yi 
 
36 POLLY HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Yes, Papa, that's Mr. Scribble.— The fo- 
 
 vereign of my heart The fole object of my af- 
 fections. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 What can be the meaning of all this ? 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Why, you beggarly flut ! this is even worfe 
 
 than I expected.- What, would you run away 
 
 from your family with a fellow in livery ? a foot- 
 man ? 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 A footman ! ha ! ha ! ha ! very good ; and fo, 
 Papa, you really believe he is a footman. A foot- 
 man ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 A footman, eh, my dear!— — An errand boy ! 
 
 « A fcoundrel fellow in livery Yes, I am 
 
 very like a footman, to be fure ! [Laughing with 
 Polly.] 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Why, Papa, don't you know that every gentle- 
 man difguifes himfelf in the courfe of an' amour ? 
 
 « Don't you remember that Bob Lovelace dif- 
 
 guifed himfelf like an old man ? and Tom Ram- 
 ble like an old woman ? No adventure can, 
 
 be carried on without it. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 She*s certainly mad — ftark mad. Hark ye, 
 
 fir ! who are you ? I'll have you fent to the 
 
 Compter — You fhall give an account of yourfdf 
 before my Lord Mayor. 
 
 scribe;, e. 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E, 37 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 What eare I for my Lord-Mayor ? 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 There ! — There's a fellow for you ! — Don't care 
 for my Lord- Mayor ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 No — nor the whole court of Aldermen.— Hark 
 ye, old Greybeard, I am a gentleman A gen- 
 tleman as well known as any in the city. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMB E. 
 Upon my word* I believe fo.-^-He feems a very 
 proper gentleman-like — fort of a — kind of a — per- 
 fon. 
 
 LEDGER. 
 As well known as any in the city ! — — I don*t 
 believe it — He's no good man- — I am fure he's not 
 known upon Change. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Damme, fir, what d'ye mean ? 
 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Oho ! Mr. Gentleman, is it you ? 1 thought 
 
 I knew your voice*— Ay, and your face too. 
 
 Pray, fir, don't you live with Mr. Traverfe, the 
 
 attorney, of Gracechurch-Street ? Did not you 
 
 come to me laft week about a policy of infurance ? 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 O the Devil ! [afide*] I come to you ? fir !- 
 
 I never faw your face before, [to Ledger.] 
 NURSE. 
 Good lack ! he'll certainly be difcovered. [afifoi 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 An attorney's clerk! — i-Hark ye, friend— 
 
 ft SCRIBBLE. 
 
38 POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 'Egad, I'd belt fneak off before it's worie. 
 
 [going. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Hark ye, woman ! [to Nurfe.J 1 begin to 
 
 fufpect — Have not I heard you ipeak of a kinf- 
 man, clerk to Mr. Traverfe ? Stop him I 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Hands off, Gentlemen ! Well then-^-1 do go 
 
 through a little bufinefs for Mr. Traverfe — What 
 then ? What have you to fay to me now ? fir ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 t)o pray, Mama, take Mr. Scrib-" 
 ble's part, pray do! 
 
 NURSE. , Apart, while 
 
 Do, ma'am, fpeak a good word . they are 
 
 flopping 
 Scribble. 
 
 for him. 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 I underftand nothing at all of the 
 matter. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Hark ye, Woman! He's your nephew 
 
 I'm fure on't I'll turn you out of doors imme- 
 diately.- — You mall be 
 
 NURSE. 
 
 I beg upon my knees that your honour would 
 
 forgive me 1 meant no harm, Heaven above 
 
 knows {Kneeling. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 No harm ! what, to marry my daughter to 
 
 I'll have you fent to Newgate And you, [to 
 
 Polly.] you forry baggage •, d'ye fee what you was 
 
 about ? ■ You was running away with a beggar 
 
 —With your Nurfe's nephew, huffy ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 39 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 Lord, Papa, what fignifies whofc nephew he is ? 
 He may be ne'er the worfe for that. — Who knows 
 but he may be a Foundling, and a gentleman's 
 fon, as well as Tom Jones ? — -My mind is refolv- 
 cd > — _ And nothing mail ever alter it. 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Bravo, Mifs Polly ! A fine generous fpirit, 
 
 fakh ! 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 You're an impudent Hut— You're undone. • 
 
 Mrs. H O N EY COMBE, 
 Nay, but, look ye, Polly! — mind me, child! 
 You know that I- — — - 
 POLLY. 
 
 As for my poor Mama here, yOu fee, fir, me is 
 
 a little in the nervous way, this morning — ; 
 
 When me comes to herfelf, and Mr. Julep's 
 draughts have taken a proper effect, me'll be con- 
 vinced I am in the right. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 Hold your impertinence ! — Hark ye, Polly---— 
 
 POLLY. 
 And you, my angelick Mr. Scribble ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Ma chere Adorable ! 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 You may depend on my conftaney and affection*. 
 I never read of any Lady's giving up her lover, to 
 
 fubmit to the abfurd election of her parents 
 
 I'll have you, let what will be the confequence. 
 
 I'll have you, though we go through as 
 
 many diftreffes as Booth and Amelia. 
 
 HONEY- 
 
4 o POLLY HONEYCOMB fi. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Peace, huffy I 
 
 POLLY. 
 
 As for you, you odious Wretch, [to Ledger*] 
 how eoiild they ever imagine that I mould dream 
 of fuch a creature? A great He-monfter ! I would 
 
 as foon be married to the Staffordshire Giant 1 
 
 hate you. You are as deceitful as Blifil, as rude 
 as the Harlowes, and as ugly as Do6tor Slop. 
 
 {Exit 6 
 
 LEDGER. 
 Mighty well, Mifs, mighty well ! 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Prodigious humour ! high fun, faith ! 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 She's downright raving— Mad as a March hare 
 
 ■ I'll put her into Bedlam- 1 - — I'll fend her into 
 
 the country I'll have her mut up in a nunnery 
 
 HI 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 Come, my Sweeting, don't make your dear felf 
 fo uneafy — Don't-——— 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 As for you, fir! [to Scribble.] — Hark ye, Strip- 
 ling 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 Nay, nay, Old Gentleman, no bouncing ? 
 You're miftaften in your man, fir ! I know what 
 I'm about. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 Zouns, fir, and I know. « 
 
 SCRIBBLE; 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMB E. 4X 
 
 SCRIBBLE. 
 
 Yes, fir, and I know that I've done nothing 
 contrary to the twenty-fixth of the King — Above a 
 month ago, fir, I took lodgings in Mifs Polly's 
 name and mine, in the parifli of St. George's in 
 
 the Fields The bans have been afked three 
 
 times, and I could have married Mifs Polly to-day 
 
 , So much for that. And fo, fir, your 
 
 fervant. If you offer to detain me, I mail 
 
 bring my aclion on the cafe for falfe imprisonment, 
 fue out a bill of Middlefex, and upon a Non eft 
 inventus, if you abfcond, a Latitat, then an Alias, 
 a Pluries, a Non omittas, and fo on —Or per- 
 haps I may indict you at the feffions, bring the af- 
 fair by Certiorari into Bancum regis, et catera, et ce- 
 tera, et catera And now- Stop me at your 
 
 peril. [Exit. 
 HONEYCOMBS. 
 
 I am flunn'd with his jargon, and confounded 
 
 at his impudence. Hark you, woman, [to 
 
 the Nurfe.]— I'll have you committed to Newgate 
 
 - — I'll 6 
 
 N U R S E. 
 
 Mighty well, your honour ! Fine treatment 
 
 for an old fervant indeed !- 1, to be hurf'd and 
 
 ding'd about at this rate ; But 'tis an old 
 
 faying and a true one— Give a dog an ill name, 
 
 and hang him!— Live and learn, as they fay- 
 
 We grow older and older every day.-- — Service 
 
 is no inheritance in thefe ages There are more 
 
 places than parifh-churches — So you may do 
 
 as you pleafe, your honour ! But I fhall look 
 
 up my things ! give up a month's wages, for want 
 of a month's warning, and go my ways out of 
 your houfe immediately. [Exit, 
 
 HONEY- 
 
POLLY HON EY COMBE. 
 
 HONEYCOMB E. 
 
 Why, you old beldam, I'll have you carted — 
 
 You (hall be burnt for a witch But I'll put 
 
 an end to this matter at once • — Mr. Ledger, 
 
 you mall marry my daughter to-morrow morning. 
 LEDGER. 
 
 Not I, indeed my friend ! I give up my intereft 
 
 • m ner> She'd make a terrible wife for a fober 
 
 citizen. Who can anfwer for her behaviour ? 
 
 - 1 would not underwrite her for ninety per 
 
 cent. [Exit. 
 HONEYCOMBE, 
 
 See there! fee there!— My girl is undone. — Her 
 
 character is ruined with all the world Thefe 
 
 clamn'd Story Books!— What mail we do, Mrs. 
 tloneycombe ? what fhall we do ? 
 
 Mrs. HON E Y COMBE. 
 Look ye, my Dear, you've been wrong in every 
 particqlar-r — •. — 
 
 HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Wrong! 1! Wrong! — 
 
 Mrs. HONEYCOMBE. 
 
 Quite wrong, my Dear ! 1 wou'd not expofe 
 
 you before company— My Tendernefs, you know, 
 
 is fo great But leave the whole affair to me — 
 
 You are too violent Go, my dear, go and 
 
 compofe yourfelf, and I'll fet all matters to rights 
 
 [Going, turns back.] Don't you do any thing 
 
 of your own head now— Truft it all to me, my 
 Dear!— And I'll fettle it in fuch a manner, that 
 ypu,— and I— and all the world— fhall be aftonilh- 
 ed and delighted with it. [Exit mattering. 
 
 HONEYCOMBE alone. 
 Zouns, I fhall run mad with vexation— Was 
 ever man fo heartily provoked ? — You fee now, 
 gentlemen, [coming forward to the audience.] what 
 
POLLY HONEYCOMBE. 43 
 
 a fituation I am in ! — Inftead of happinefs and jol- 
 lity — My friends and family about me, — A wed- 
 ding and a dance, — And every thing as it mould 
 be,— Here am J, left by myfelf,— Deferted by my 
 intended fon-in-law— Bully'd by an attorney's clerk 
 — Affronted by my own fervant — My Daughter 
 mad— My Wife in the Vapours— And all's in con- 
 
 fufion. This comes of Cordials and Novels.— 
 
 Zouns, your Stomachicks are the Devil — And a 
 man might as well turn his Daughter loofe in Co- 
 vent-garden, as truft the cultivation of her mind 
 to 
 
 A CIRCULATING LIBRARY. 
 
 G 
 
 E P U 
 
EPILOGUE. 
 
 Written by Mr. GARRICK. 
 
 Spoken by Mifs POPE. 
 
 Enter i as POLLY, laughing— Hz\ ha! HI 
 
 71 /JY P oor P a P a * s m woe M agitation — 
 ■* While I, the Caufe, feel here, [ftriking her 
 
 bofom.] no palpitation. — 
 We Girls of Reading, and fuperior notions, 
 Who from the fountain-head drink love's fweet potions, 
 Pity our parents, when fuch pajfion blinds 'em, 
 One hears the good folks rave— One never minds 'em. 
 Till thefe dear books infus'd their foft ingredients, 
 JJham'd and fearful, 1 was all Obedience. 
 Then my good Father did not ftorm in vain, 
 J blujh'd and cry'd—YW ne'er do fo again : 
 But now no bugbears can my fpirit tame, 
 Tve conquer' d Fear— And almofi conquer' d Shame y 
 So much thefe Bear InjtruUors change and win us, 
 Without their light we ne'er fhould know what's in us, 
 Here we at once fupply our childifh wants— 
 Novels are Hotbeds for your forward plants. 
 Not only Sentiments refine the Soul, 
 But hence we learn to be the Smart and Droley 
 Each aukward circumjiance for laughter ferves, 
 From Nurfe's nonfenfe to my Mother's Nerves : 
 
EPILOGUE 
 
 though Parents tell us, that our genius lies 
 In mending linen and in making pies, 
 I fet fuch formal precepts at defiance 
 'That preach up prudence, neatnefs, and compliance \ 
 Leap thefe old bounds, and boldly fet the pattern, 
 To be a Wit, Philofopher, and Slattern— 
 
 0. ! did all Maids and Wives my fpirit feel, 
 We'd make this topfy-turvy world to reel: 
 Let us to arms I— Our Fathers, Hufbands, dare I 
 Novels will teach us all the Art of War : 
 Our Tongues will ferve for Triimpet and for Drum \ 
 Vllbe your Leader— General Honeycombe | 
 
 Too long has human nature gone a/tray. 
 Daughters fhould govern, Parents fhould obey ; 
 Man fhould fubmit, the moment that he weds? 
 And hearts of oak fhould yield to wifer heads : 
 I fee you fmile, bold Britons \—But 'tis true— 
 Be$t You the French But let your Wives beat 
 You.— 
 
 FINIS. 
 
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