Robert W. Woodruff
Library
EMORY UNIVERSITY
Special Collections & Archives
fc- • 4
'CHBtTP-j
PROM THE
MANUSCRIPT WRITINGS
oe
BARNABY NIXON, DECEASED.
Gather up the fragments that nothing be lost.
RICHMOND-.
J. WARROCK PRINTER,
1814.
INTRODUCTION.
OUR worthy friend, Barnaby Nixon, left,
at his death, a collection of memorandums,
relating to some transactions of his life, with
sentiments and reflections on religious subjects.
From these memoranda the following extracts
have been taken. And although to select and
prepare them for publication, has been a work,
attended with some pains and difficulty, it has
also been attended with the beliehtha|#iey may
contribute to the satisfaction and improvement
of religious minds. With this sole view, they
are now offered to the public. In doing which,
it may be proper to observe, that the author
possessed but a slender education; and as his
manner of expression is generally preserved,
the language is frequently incorrect, as respects
grammatical propriety. The transitions from
one subject to another, are, in many instances,
sudden: but this, from the nature of the com¬
pilation, appeared to be unavoidable. Sometimes,.
( > )
however, connecting or explanatory sentences*
have been introduced, by the compiler, and,,
sometimes, summary accounts, of particular
passages of the Author's life.
With respect to the life and character of this
friend, it may not be improper to inform the
reader, that he was born about the 1st month,
1752, His parents were Phineas and Mary
Nixon, of Ferquemons County, North Caro¬
lina j who, in the management of their children*
were careful to restrain them from evil.
He was sober, and religiously inclined, in
early life, and as he advanced in age, he grew
in religious experience, and received a gift in
the ministry* In the exercise of which, he ma¬
nifested much sincerity and zeal. He was ex¬
emplary in the attendance of religious meetings;.
and in his manner of living, he was so abste¬
mious, as- wholly to decline the use of flesh,
a$ ah artjele of food. And notwithstanding we
believe, that this particular singularity is not
generally incumbent on Christians, yet ashis
practice wqs founded on conscientious scruple,
and accompanied with evidences of'sincerity,,
we doubt not, according to the judgment of
the Apostle, Rom. xiv. that his sincerity
'was accepted in the divine sight. And as his
( V )
conduct, in this respect, was influenced by a
full persuasion in his own mind, so he mani¬
fested a desire that others might walk by the
same Apostolic rule.*
And although the following pages, may shew
that the writer was deficient in literature, and
the command of elegant language, yet they will
shew what is of infinitely more importance,, a
life exhibiting self denial, zeal, and persevering
integrity to the end. The support with which
he was evidently favored, through some dis¬
pensations, peculiarly trying, may be consi¬
dered as an evidence, not only of the- sincerity
of his heart, but of the fatherly regard, and-
watchful providence of Him whom he had en-/
deavored to Serve. To conclude, he was scru¬
pulous, zealous, and almost incessantly engaged
in active services. He endured- afflictions with
fortitude,, and when verging towards the close
of life, he was enabled to look forward, with
humble confidence, and animating hope, to that
state of being, to which he was approaching.
Meeting for sufferings, Virginia,
5th Month,, 1814. 5
* Let every man be fully persuaded in his
ewn mind.
The following notes do not appear to be
arranged, according to the order of time to
which they relate. The arrangement is taken
from the original manuscript, which is generally
without dates; and was probably written in the
latter part of the Authors life.
extracts', &c.
I WAS, many times, under a necessity of
setting forth, to my elder friends, the injustice
of holding slaves; and Minting out, to them,
the iniquity of the practise. Sometimes travel¬
ling friends came among us, and were moved
to stir up friends' minds, to a deeper consider¬
ation of the subject. Thus He, with whom is
no respect of persons, worked, both immedi¬
ately, and instrumentally; until the concern
became so general, that the yearly meeting*
passed a rule, that no friend should sell a slave,
except on some extraordinary occasion, such as
keeping a husband and wife from being parted,
which was to be judged of by the monthly
meetings. And, in a little time, friends were
advised to set their slaves free, by signing
emancipations for that purpose.
This was in the time of the revolutionary war.
The magistrates and people were highly enrag¬
ed; and had numbers of the emancipated black
people, taken up and ]5ut in jails, to be sold at
the County Courts. Friends employed lawyers
tQ plead their cause, which they did very nota-
■"* The yearly meeting of Carolina..
( 8 )
bly; shewing that there was then,* no law in
force to prohibit the emancipation of slaves, or
to justify the practice of interrupting those who
had been so emancipated. But the magistrates,
notwithstanding, arfeftarilym-dered a consider¬
able number of them sold at public sale,
both in Perquemons County, and in Pasquotank.
The case was removed to the Superior Court,
which gave judgment, that the proceedings of
the County Courts, »^re null and void. But
the Assembly passed some kind of a law, to
continue in bondage, those that had been sold;
and to take up, •fcnd sell, any that were free
by emancipation. Yea, the hearts of some, haye
been so cruel, that they have,, at all times of
the night, gone in pursuit of the free black
people—-breaking open houses—some that have
fled, have been shot, and others taken by vio¬
lent dogs, when the poor creatures had not been'
charged with the breach of any law; only be¬
cause tpev had their just right to freedom grant-.
ed, hyltheir former owners. For such cruel,
doings as these, how can the inhabitants, (unless-
.they repent; and amend their ways) expect any
thing better to follow, than some heavy judg-> •
menfc, as. a. scourge oathe kndy when the Lord,
arises, to jucjige t£c^se«jfdte,poor andneedy?,
My mind has. often teen much .exercised) w-j
account of tte.oppcessiom and , in a particular >
manner,'for the magistrates, who were concerned
ill it. ' ' .. r ; .
* At the time when thiisepersons were liberated*
( 9 )
IN the year 1778, he married Sarah Hun-
nieutt, .daughter;of Robert and Sarah Hunni-
cutt, of Prince George County, Virginia: and,
not long after, leaving his former residence,
settled within the limits of Burleigh Meeting,
among the relations of his wife. In these im¬
portant transactions, it appears that he was in*
fluenced by an earnest desire, to act under di¬
vine consent, and that h^ apprehended he was
favored with it. That his ^proceedings in rela¬
tion to marriage, were not conducted with that
levity, which is too often indulged on such oc¬
casions, -appears from the following relation,
which he gave: " When we sat together, to
converse on the subject, our minds were over¬
shadowed with divine love; our hearts were
softened, and our spirits contrited to the divine
will. We were sensible that the ownings of
truth were with us in our undertaking." On
the subject of his removal, he said: " I believ¬
ed that if I moved, without divine approbation,
and settled myself, where it was not my busi¬
ness to work, I then should wither and die as
to religion: so live and die miserable. This
brought me under deep concern, day and night,
in humble prostration of soul, imploring di¬
vine counsel.—At length, he that seeth in se¬
cret, favored me with a belief that it was his
will I should move,—which settled in peace.
But I felt so nearly united to friends, and closely
attached to the meetings, where I had often
been refreshed with overshadowings of that'love,
.( 10 )
which" cements the members into one living
body, that it was a close trial to be outwardly
cut off, by receiving friends' certificate, (which
was readily granted to me,) and to be joined to
another body of friends, and become a member
of other meetings* where I had not felt this
growth of harmonizing unity in truth's cause,
I have often been much concerned to see some
friends, so lightly remove their habitations;
who yet profess to be led and guided by the
spirit of truth; but do not appear engaged to
seek its directions: concluding that their own
wisdom is sufficient to guide them, in such
important concerns. Can such as these feel that
they are. converted from the government of the
spirit of this world, to the obedience of Christ;
and say by their example, that they are pur¬
chased by him, and now are not their own?—
I firmly believe, that those who are truly re¬
deemed out; of Spiritual Egypt, into the king¬
dom of Christ,—-as they continue faithful, move,
only as they are directed by divine wisdom, in
such matters of importance. For their own
wisdom must be kept down, and " the wisdom
which is from above," be depended on, and
Waited for. And then they are led and guided
by an almighty and unerring hand, to advance
the testimony and cause of righteousness;.and
are not forsaken, (I can truly say,) and left,- as
sheep without a shepherd, to stray in wild*
nature, oyer the world.—-Thanks be to the
God of Love! who first loved me, and brought
(' IV )
me into his love, and enabled me truly to say,
that I have often sought his favor, and to know
his will, saying in secret resignation, shall' I
do this, or shall I forbear? Then I have found
acceptance with him, and he has been pleased
to gather into the streams of that universal love,
which rhaketh glad his whole heritage.
BEFORE I was twenty-one years of age,
in qualifying as an executor to my father's will,
after taking the affirmation friends commonly
use, as the law directs, I felt my inward peace
so much destroyed, that my mind was brought
into serious thoughtfulness on the subject:
believing that a Christian spirit, would not
require such a cerimonious form of words, to
bind us to our ",yea" ,and " nay:" "for
whatsoever is more than these, cometh of evil."
And if those words comprehend no more than
yea or nay, why should they be used? I have
often been pained to see some, taking the affirm¬
ation in a light, airy manner,, saying "I do
solemnly, sincerely declare," without the ap¬
pearance of solemnity of mind in themselves,
or in those about them. The more I felt after
this subject, the more I thought it would nbt
be right for me to take it again. And, though
I have been presented for refusing, yet I never
was fined, neither have I ever taken the affirttu
ation, since the first uneasiness about &
( 12 )
IN speaking of; the trials, which he, in,
common with his friends, encountered, during"
the revolutionary war, he says: " my heavenly-
guide shewed me, that I ought not to be driven,
into any activity, by a spirit of fear, when.
Otherwise I should not have thought the requi*
sition right ; (although there might be an ap?.
pearance of great sufferings;) believing that
there was a higher Power, , than was in the
spirits of threatening men: and that it was my
duty, and greatest interest to obey that high
Power, which giveth the spirit of love, and of
power, and. also giveth sound judgment, tq
discern what is right in his sight.
Qhi how wonderfully. I have known; this
heavenly Power, tq bear me up, above being
brow beaten, and put. out of countenance, hy
the proud looks and haughty stations, of men.
I-have seen great sufferings, loss; of time and.
property too, by slavish fears. But if I am on
the Lord's side, why should I fear men, so a§.
to hide my property or myself from them?
Let me shew;, that the love 1 have for all men,
over comes fear.
. I BELIEVE it is the Divine Will, in this
our day,. that those, should be convinced of
their error, who think that it is only in matters
of; great consequence, that divine revelation is.
to be experienced, to guide the attentive mia$
( is );
X^et such as these consider,, how they sue
resisting and denying the Holy One, who hath
been daily striving with them-, by his spirit in
their hearts,, in little things: shewing, what is
good, gently moving the mind to be faithful to
his will, in little- things first, before great things
are revealed. And when evils, apparently small,
have been presented to our minds, how hath the
witness of truth, been raised against them, in
our hearts! Doth not this, evidently prove, that
" God is a spirit;" and beholds and encourages
the least good desires, in all men, every where:
offering to lead and govern them in all all things.
The scriptures of truth abundantly unite
with the movings of the divine- principle, or
spirit in our hearts. It was this spirit, that op¬
posed the evil workings; in. Cain's- mind. This,
encouraged Enoch in " walking with Godi"
This, strove with the old world, who would
not adhere to it, when Noah, yielding faithful¬
ness to its leadings, was directed and assisted
jn his wprk by the Great Creator's power,
which saved him, and alL that were with him,
in the works wrought by faith.
As Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, yeilded obe¬
dience to it, their minds were drawn more and
more into love for its glorious beauty, until it
out balanced every transitory enjoyment, and
overpowered every oppositionto the divine will;
Then they were moved, and> guided about, as
the winds and clouds, in obedience to the
Great Creator.
( 14 )
Joseph was a lover of righteousness, and
hater of evil; and the Lord often appeared to
him in prophetic dreams, mystically pointing
out to him, things yet to come. These favors
tend to strengthen the hope and confidence in
him, who is the never failing helper of the
righteous. These things I pen from living
experience.
Joseph's love to the author of his life, out
balanced the pleasures of sin which are mo¬
mentary, ending with a sting, and with the
terrors of judgment. " How can I do this great
wickedness, and sin against God!" was his
language. This gained omnipotent regard,
which preserved him from all the malicious
designs of those that intended evil against him; -
and exalted him above all his enemies: so that
confession was made in Pharoah's Court, that
the spirit of the living God did dwell in Joseph.
I wish for the present generation to consider,
how far they are superior, in religious princi¬
ples, to those ancient heathen nations. They
believed in a Superior Being, who revealed his
will and mind to some few. But they appeared
to have no prospect of coming to any acquaint¬
ance with him themselves. Is not this the pre¬
sent state of many, who d6 not profess to be¬
lieve it to be attainable, in this our day, to
" acquaint themselves with God, and be at
peace," according to scripture exhortation.'
Saying, divine revelation is not needful now,
and not to be expected. And many, who
( 15 )
acknowledge that there is an inward monitor,
to direct man from evil, deny its efficacy to
overcome sin, and lead out of all evil. Is hot
this, to accuse the Creator of being a hard
master, as Satan and his subjects ever have
done? to call men to come out of sin, and not
to aid them with his spirit to do it; and to
wound the conscience with a fearful dread of
eternal punishment, for living in sin, which
they cannot avoid. Or they deny believing that
any such judgment, will follow their trans¬
gression. This was the reasoning of Satan, to
Adam and Eve, and to every succeeding ge->
iteration of men: flattering them, with a false
hope, of enjoying great satisfaction, by going
into things, which they had believed were
wrong: persuading them that no such great
judgments would follow, as they had believed
from the word of truth. But how often do men
feel the judgments for sin, which they had
been warned of, to fall on them, greater than
they had expected! being inwardly tormented
with guilt, and " a certain fearful looking for,
of judgment."
As the compass needle, when it has not lost
the lively touches of the load-stone, will point
to the north, and the other part, to the south,
so is the state of man. As long as he retains
the lively touches of the love of God, in his
heart, he can secretly discern the pointings of
the Divine Will, and perceive the will of the
flesh, contrary to it. But man, by long comb
( 16 )
jnuing in sin, may lose that love to truth they
once had, become a hater of it, and of the
light in him, because it so often reproves him
for evil. Then this spirit may be withdrawn
from striving any longer with him, as:it was.
from the old world: Or he may seek for favor,
and counsel, when in great distress, and not
obtain it; and tile things which belong to his
peace, foe hid from his eyes: because he has
endeavoured to stifle the witness of truth in
his heart; doing dispite to the spirit of grace:
trampling .under foot the offers of salvation:
counting the blood of the covenant, an unholy
thing.
My heart is moved* while I write, with de¬
sires, that men may be redeemed from the
power of Satan, and his kingdom of darkness;
and brought into the power of God, and his
marvelous light.
The Lord has formed man, with a desire to
take up his abode with him, and tabernacle in
him; that his kingdom may come to be known
in him; and his will, to be done, as it is in
Heaven. And what an evident demonstration
of this desire is man often favored with, by
the still, small voice of Heavenly Love, fol¬
lowing him, from time to time;—.shewing what
is good: knocking as at the door of his hearty ,
for him to receive this love and not to keep at
out, by cleaving to the vain pleasures of sin!
Let us all submit ourselves to these visitations,
as Jacob, of old, did, when he found the Lord
( 17 )
was with him, in the night season, opening
heavenly visions in his :giind: he then saying
" Surely the Lord is in this place, and I knew
it not. How dreadful is this place! this is none
other but the house of God, and this the gate
of Heaven." And Jacob vowed a vow, saying,
i{ If God will be with me, and will keep me in
this way that I go, and give me bread to eat,
and raiment to put on,—then shall the Lord be
my God." We also find that the divine pre¬
sence, did go with " poor worm Jacob," and
keep hiin in thfe way he should go.
The path of the just, shineth brighter and
brighter as they diligently walk in the light.
And in every act of obedience, men grow
stronger to encounter trials. Seeing negligence
an performing our duty, leaves us more in Sa¬
tan's power, how needful it is, to be steadily-
pressing after the Father's love, which is the
spiritual light and life of men! How needful
to be watching unto prayer! to feel the mind
secretly breathing after it! These, if they con¬
tinue in the right hunger, will be fed.
The Most High, by his Holy Spirit, reveals
his will to all men, requiring obedience to it.
And there can be no hiding from his view; for
he searcheth out all the hidden works of men,
which are done in darkness; and he never ap¬
probates sin, in any one; because he calls for
only what he has revealed as the duty of man,
and given him ability to perform.
Can any confute these truths; that the author1
( 18 )
of our being has placed in us, that which reveals
good and evil? or say that we cannot answer
the end of our creation, by complying with
what the Creator requires of us. We know
that Creating Power, has placed in us, a some*
thing, which shews these things. Let it be
called what it may, we know that it must be
something good; because it never moves the
mind to any thing, but that which is good.—
Notwithstanding all this, when men are not
disposed to yeild obedience to known duties,
they endeavour to invalidate the calls of this
something, by disputing its authority and power.
IN the year 1782, and before he had ap¬
peared in the ministry* he felt a concern to vi¬
sit a preparative meeting, held at Thomas
Sadler's, in Brunswick County. And, although
he at first put it off, and had many reasonings
against it, he was, at length, induced to give
up to the little lively manifestation of duty. He
accordingly attended the meeting, accompanied
by Joseph Butler. Of this visit he gave the
following account:—" Truth opened our way
jFor labor, in the meeting, far beyond our ex¬
pectations : and a great change was wrought in
my feelings. I went from home, weeping, and
strewing my tears under the burden of the
Cross; and I returned, crowned ..with peace,
and the Heavenly Father's love.
t 19 )
.HE performed, as companion to our friend
James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of the
lower parts of North Carolina. In an account
which he left of this visit, he expressed the
following sentiments : " When the Lord's ser¬
vants are kept humble, under the holy anoint¬
ing, they believe the time is hastening for all old
things to be removed:" when " the elements
will melt with fervent beat," and these earthly
tabernacles, must all pass away: and the righ¬
teous, " according to the promise," look for
the coming of new Heavens, where their spirits
will ascend to God, who gave them. Ohl what
manner of people ought we to be, in all man¬
ner of holy conversation, and Godliness! What
diligence ought there to be, that we may be
found without spot and blameless! What bold¬
ness, then is felt, in the cause of Truth! The
fear of displeasing man, is then overcome.-—
In feeling these things, I have, many times,
thought, I might truly say, as a servant for¬
merly did ; that it was good for me that I was
afflicted: for before, I went astray; but after
I was afflicted, I learned his statutes, so that
I have been enabled to sing of his mercies, and
plso of his judgments.
( 21 )
Christ's coming, to take the government on
his shoulders—to be their wonderful counsellor,
and to rule in them as a mighty God and ever¬
lasting Father : for " Zion shall be redeemed
with judgment and her converts with righte¬
ousness."
But alas! too many turn their backs in the
day of battle; because they will not submit to
this inward burning ; but they flee from it, into
Conversation, or some other earthly enjoyment;
so, they nourish those attachments to this
world, which ought to have been given up, as
fuel to the fire: and thus they strengthen self
will. These do not love silent waiting; but
keep themselves, intoxicated with their sensua¬
lities, until their minds become so captivated,
that they have no power to come into Zion's
quiet habitation.
I OFTEN felt earnest cravings to be in the
Pi vine Presence; and often sought after it, in
the night season, and in solitary places. In
these exercises of mind, I met with joyful
satisfaction, when others were asleep, and no
human eye beheld me.
Sometimes, however, I was greatly beset
with reasonings against the practice of solemn
retirement, with my family. I endeavoured to
avoid the cross, by keeping my exercise to
myself, secreted from my family. I earnestly.
( 22 )
desired to find the feeding place of Christ's
flock, that I might rest ircm the troubles of
this world. But my desire was denied, with a
language similar to this, " go thy way by the
footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside
the shepherd's tent." So, I could not be fed,
until I called my family from the noise and tu¬
mults of the world, to sit with me, in silence,
that they might feel something, better than
their childish vanities. Then, when I submitted
to the cross, and all were silent, we were wa¬
tered and refreshed together.
I have experienced many trials, respecting
the attendance of religious meetings, when I
have been under much infirmity of body, or
other difficulties or obstructions. But he that
loved me, supported and preserved me through
many such trials; and I have been made to
rejoice under the canopy of Divine Love. Hovv
good it is, to be desirous to bring forth accept¬
able fruit to the Lord! Those who are thus en¬
gaged, can sing, as Mary did; M My soul doth
magnify the Lord ! and my spirit hath rejoiced
in God, my Saviour!" ' '
-Oh ! what need there is, for all, before it is.
too late, to know the good seed which is sown
in their hearts, to " take root downward, and
bear fruit upwards," while their summer last-
eth; lest their harvest be over, their summer
ended, and they not saved: then it will be too:
late to labor: and great will be the man's dis¬
appointment,—great the.fall of him, who hap
been unfruitfuL
( 23 )
Some may reason, that they never had much
revealed to them. This, they may expect, as
long as they are unfaithful in the little. If a
child will not be obedient to learn hi& letters*
and many other little things, will he ever ac¬
quire much knowledge?
I believe there are diversities of Rifts and
administrations, but are they not all admini¬
stered by the same spirit;—^revealingto each
one, what his gifts and callings are, in the
Church of Christ? And all ought to be actuated
by the movings of the same wisdom, from
above.
All the Lord's people are taught of him, and
great are their peace and reward. They are led
by his immediate spirit, and not by the precepts
and traditions of men. They do not depend on
the teachings of instruments, nor rest on the
forms of the righteous. For " it is the spirit
that quickens," and makes alive: but " the
letter kills;" and destroys that breathing of
life, which first made the soul alive.—I hope
this breathing will never forsake me, while I
remain in this world.- I trust in the promises of
Christ, that he never would leave nor forsake
his followers, to the end.* — I desire to be
cleansed from all sin, that I may be prepared
to join the " innumerable company of Angels."
Yet I have no right to depend on any works of
salvation, but what are wrought in me. For,
* Sec Math, xxviii, 20.
( 24 )
unless I know Christ come, in my heart, and
to overcome sin, puting down all evil under his
feet,—-to become my intercessor and mediator
i—to adept me by free grace, that I may there¬
by become son, and heir of salvation by him/
if I read and believe all the great favors, which
righteous men have known, yet I need not ex¬
pect to be profited by any thing, more than
what I experience in myself.
We find it was by Divine revelation, that
the wise men, and shepherds, found Christ,
with his mother: they rejoiced, and made
obeisance to him, when the wicked hated him.
it was by this inward operation, that others
rejoiced in the coming of Christ: and good old
Simeon, embraced the Messiah in his arms.
It was those only, who were willing to. re¬
ceive the offers of salvation, that were benefit¬
ed by them. But how can any, ever expect to
profit by any offer, as long as they reject it?
for then, it cannot be their possession, .or
enjoyment, but the receivers only, can possess
and enjoy.
As, in former days, those who did receive
salvation by Christ, came under the operation
of his Holy Spirit, so it must be, in every age
of the world.
( SB )
# I how feel, that the time is near at hand
for me to joss away from works, to the rewards
for the deeds of my life: yet 1 fed concerned
for tny fellow mortals, in beholding the lament¬
able state of mankind j as Christ declared, that
but few were chosen, out-dfthe many which were
called: " for wide is the gate and broad is the
way, that leadeth to distraction, and many
there be, which go in thereat. Because strait
is the gate, and na/rr6w is the way, which
leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."
When I dew die present generation, it k
lamentable that so few are walking in the narigjw
way of self denial, that leads to life. And when
we consider die accounts, -we have received of
mankind, in former ages, from one generation
to another, it appears that very many, never
would submit to #te:stMit -leadings and judg-
ings of divine Wisdofii, for them: but chose
to gratify their carnal desires,-and not be under
the divine control. So, they have taken liber¬
ties in the broad way s of this- world, to their own
destruction. And some, while they are taking
liberties in follies and dissipations, whichtTiey
kheftv are wrong, at the same time, flatter them¬
selves with trusting in the mercies and favors of
the Almighty: that lie will pardon all their sins,
and not suffer them to fall into eternal misery.
* This appears to have been written notlohg
before his death, when he reviewed <tnd revised
the memorandums which he had preserved,
B
( 26 )
But they are dispising his visitations of love j
and while he is calling unto them, they will not
adhere; while he is stretching out his arms ol
favor, all the day of their visitation, they will not
regard it, they refusfe to walk in his judgments;
neither will they have any of his reproofs.
Man is left free, to choose for himself, good
or evil, and he hath the power of acting therein.?
And then, he must partake of the fruits of his
own labor. If men will be purchased by Satan's
temptations, and give themselves up, to be the
servants of sin; pleading for continuing in sin;
sapng that there is no probability of overcom-'
ing the evil powers, in this World; how can
these, expect to have any ability to release
themselves from those evil powers, under which
they have suffered themselves to be bound.
SOON after the yearly meeting at Wayn-oke,
in the year 1789, he performed, in company
with James Ladd, a religious visit to friends of
Rich Square, and Jack Swamp meetings. On
a review of this act of obedience to manifested
duty, (-which was not unattended with difficul¬
ties and discouragements to him,} he made the
following acknowledgment: " Although it was
not for me to stay at home to accumulate wealth,
to lay up for the flesh to be attached to, yet I had.
peace of mind. Heavenly treasure was given me,
for leaving all, to follow Christ. And I believe
that my so giying up, never occasioned me to',
lack any of those outward things, which were
really necessary forji^.§jippQrt of my familv."
( 27 )
HE relates, that ho felt drawings m the love
of the Gospel, to. visit the meetings and families
of friends, belonging to the quarterly meeting,
of which he was a member. And as it lay with
increasing weight on his mind, he spread the
concern before the monthly meeting, for friends
sympathy, and had the meeting's concurrence
and encouragement, in the undertaking.
In the performance of this service, he was
renewedly coi^firmed in his mind, of the ne¬
cessity of waking for the • clear discoveries of
truth; not only to direct, in entering into these
arduous concerns, but in every subsequent
movement, to the completion of them. And
that this will not only shew the most; favorable
time, and furnish with matter for communica¬
tion, adapted to the various states of the visited;
but -will also point out those persons, who may
be the most suitable coadjutors in the work:
as, by a proper, or an improper, selection of
companions, the important objects in view,
may be much promoted or obstructed.
And he particularly cautioned, friends, to be
careful, how they joined with other:?, in such
services, without feeling the right call, and
having the unity of friends, in the engage¬
ment.
( 2a )
THE death of Lemuel Jones, with whom
h« was nearly united, in religious fellowship,
was a loss to society, which this friend, in par->
ticular, seemed deeply to feel; as appears by
die following testimony, which he left among
his papers:
" Many friends, have desired to see some
memorial drawn up concerning dear Lemuel;
but as there never has been any produced, I
am willing to leave my testimony, as a memo-»
rial concerning him-
" He had a cheerful countenance, and was
very ^sociable; his conversation was lively and
instructive, and his manners courteous* and
engaging; which made his company desirable,
and he was held in esteem, by different ranks
and classes of people who knew him.
" He many times expressed to me, his com
cent for his children; desiring they might be
preserved from that ensnaring eyil, of going
into the vain,, changeable fashions of the world,
and gaiety of dress; which many of our urn
giiarded youth, by little and little, go into; and
so, are gradually ensnared : having their minds
drawn from the love and unity of friends. This
throws them out, into corrupting company,
that entices them into one evil, after another,
until they become reprobates. He was emi¬
nently qualified for services in the exercise of
the discipline."
When Moses and Elijah, had done the work
allotted them, in their day, others were qua-
( 29 )
lifted to fill their places. So, I believe it would
be in this age of the world, if that which qua.
lifies, were thoroughly submitted to.
I wish for friends, rightly to consider the
cause of the.poor state of many of our meetings,
and. be engaged to seek after the restoration
of ancient beauty of pure life and substance,
while the day of visitation is still extended.
It has often been my lot, to visit tire meetings
and families of friends, irt the lower parts of
our quarter: and after the death of. Lemuel *
I would feel the. loss of his spirit, in going
down with me in the baptising feelings of* the
state of things among friends.. Oil ! great is the
want of such elders, in these days; geting
down, in their minds, under a proper feeling
sense of their burdens—-beari© g up the life,
and advancing the testimony of truth, against
wrong spirits, which rise in opposition to
the precious influence of divine, love..
Oh! how Elders ought to. keep .under a feeh
tag sense of that love, which gives power over
the world, and be willing to travail into deep
judgments with the people, as into the very
bottom of Jordan, that they may bring up
Stones of memorial out of thie deep: whereby
they may be enabled to teach their children of
the Lord's wonderful works, when they sit in
their houses, when they lie. down, when they
rise tip, and when they walk by the way.
( 30 )
I ONE day felt a concern to visit a friend,
who was in the station of an Elder: and went
alone to the house, in the evening-. After the
family had gone to bed and left us together,
I felt engaged to query with him, respecting
his conduct, and was drawn to point out his
sorrowful state,-—falling from the life, and from
usefulness, in the society. But he could not
bear to be treated in so plain a manner, and
several times, cried out, in a passion of re¬
sentment. Yet his passionate behaviour, never
drove me from my concern, but he found it
drew me closer to his feet.
I went to bed, in painful feelings, and re¬
mained under the weight of exercise, till after
breakfast next morning. Then, I felt way
open, to labor in the line Gf the Gospel, which
melted all present, into tears and cementing
love. He expressed his-gladness for my visit to
him, and when I came away, he walked some
distance, anjd appeared loath to part.
I found a more ready openness, in the next
family, to which I went, I saw things clearly,
and -was enabled to point out the man's earthly
minded state; and to tell him plainly, that if
he did not get more loose, from the love of
this world, be more spiritually minded, and
bring forth Heavenly fruits, it did appear to
me, that his days would, be shortened. I also
felt engaged to address his wife, desiring her
to use what means she could, to draw him out
of the cumbers, smd to be more devoted to
( 31 )
attend week-day meetings; for unless there
were a reformation, she might expect to lose
her husband, and be left a widow. It was a
time of favor. He and his family poured forth
many tears. I have often found truth's way of
leading and working, was marvelous to me.
3ag
I OBTAINED a minute of concufrenco
to visit the upper quarterly meeting, and other
meetings thereaway, but no suitable compani¬
on offered to go with me. And in the time of
attending the quarterly meeting, then held at
Gedar Creek^ feeling the weight of appoint¬
ing meetings, and not having any. companion,
I got much discouraged; but friends encou¬
raged me. After the quarterly meeting, I went
to Caroline; and after a time of silence, I had
•<an arduous time of labor. I returned to Cedar
Creek, where pretty many gathered to the
meeting; and it .was a favored season. I felt a
flow of life, to labor in preaching the Gospel,
nearly as Jong as I was able to stand. I felt, the
holy anointing," to spread over the meeting,
like ointment, which ran from. Aaron's head,
to the skirts of his garment; so, I believe, all
felt the canopy of divine love. After meeting,
( *2 )
1 got to Micajah Crew's; where, after resting
awhile, I had a solid opportunity with the fa¬
mily, and some neighbours who were there.
Next morning, went to Genito, accompanied
by Micajah, hk wife, and some other friends.
And when I Game to the place, -and saw the
gathering, I was brought into a baptising sen¬
sibility of the nothingness of myself, and in
this trembling weakness, I Was pressed with
an awful weight; so that I thought myself not
able to stand many minutes in the yard, before
meeting sat. After we were settled in stillness,1
truth opened things in a clear light, to point
out, that man, by his ■wisdom, knew not
God, nor 'the things of God; therefore, this
wisdom is altogether insufficient to direct iff
any religious duty. I had a laborious time;
but was glad in finding truth's testimony went
forth, over- that self-sufficient, criticising wis¬
dom of man.
On my way home, observing a house mugh
shattered with thunder, while I was gbne, I
stopped to enquire whether any lives were lost,.
I was informed, that a number of people were
in the house,—one was much burnt with die
lightning, but no One killed. These things'
are very awful, but he whose mind is stayed
on the Lord, is kept in perfect peaces
( 33 )
NOT long after the foregoing visit, he felt
an engagement of mind, to visit friends of
Baltimore and Philadelphia, in the time of the
yellow fever. " The concern," says he, " lay
with such weight upon me, that my life- was
given up, to the divine disposal, and the fear
of dea'th was taken away. The call was hasty,
to set out in a few "weeks, to be in time to at¬
tend the yearly meeting at Baltimore. Under
these weighty impressions, I often retired in
silence: and at several times, when I sat down
in the evening with my family, my mind was
weightily impressed to declare to them, that I
felt the call of truth, to us, to me more loosened
from the ties of nature, and all our transitory
enjoyments, and to be earnestly engaged to
seek after heavenly entertainments,—durable
Comforts-—riches that never Would leave us,
nor fade away." And before the time arrived
for setting out on this contemplated journey,
his Wife was Suddenly removed by death.
About two weeks after the death of his wife,
having obtained the concurrence of his friends,
he " took a solemn and affectionate leave of
his children* relations and neighboring friends,"
and set out for Philadelphia, having JDaVid
Baily, for his companion.
He went pretty directly to Baltimore, and
attended the several sittings of the yearly meet¬
ing, and after it concluded, feeling an engage¬
ment to visit the families of friends in the Gity,
he communicated his prospect tq some friends
E
( 34 )
Of tile ministry, and afterwards laid his concern
before the ministers and elders, of that place,
for their sympathy and counsel respecting that
weighty undertaking. Obtaining their unity and
encouragement; and being accompanied by
suitable friends, he visited most of the families
in the City:—In .which he remarks, they
were, evidently owned."
Leaving Baltimore, he proceeded to Phila¬
delphia where he continued, till after the yearly
meeting there. In the intermediate time, he
received the small pox, by inoculation; and
having an ulcer in one of his eyes, (which after¬
wards proved to be a cancer,) and a film in the
other, he submitted to several painful surgical
operations: and, was sometimes, reduced very.
low, both in body and in mind.
He, notwithstanding, spent a considerable
portion of his time, in visiting the meetings
and families of friends about the City. In these
opportunities, it appears, he was considerably
engaged in ministerial labors, and that his ser¬
vices, were, generally, well received.
From the yearly meeting ip Philadelphia,.he
returned home, taking meetings in his way, in
time to attend the yearly meeting of Virginia,
held at Black Water.
After this journey, while of bodily ability,
he spent much of his time in attending his own,
and visiting neighbouring meetings.- And
although^ the beforementioned ulcer in his
eye, became a large and painful cancer, which
( 35 )
reduced him to extreme debility many months
before his death, yet he continued zealously
and actively engaged, for the promotion of the
cause of truth. He was several times engaged
with committees, under the appointments of the
yearly and quarterly meetings, and frequently,
from apprehensions of duty, visited sundry
meetings within the limits of our own yearly
meeting, and in Carolina.
In company with others of a quarterly meet¬
ing's committee, he visited sundry meetings
and families, within the compass of the lower
quarter. In the performance of this service,
the states of some, whom he had visited, drew
from him the following remarks: " Oh that
man would learn to keep humble; for what
hath he to be proud of. The righteousness of
man, is as filthly rags; and the righteousness
of God, is not at man's command, but is to
be humbly waited for. Man is formed, and
upheld, by the Creator, and his appearance is
soon gone, like a shining bubble on the waters.
I have often humbly desired, that I might be
kept as submissive to the Creator, as the clouds,
which he raises and fills with water, when he
pleases, to pour forth showers on the earth,
and then pass into nothingness again.
" As We passed from one house to another,
in this dependant state, waiting for the over¬
shadowing of the Father's love,—desiring to
be faithful to its movings, and believing that it
would be the last time I should have the likq
( 36 )
opportunity, we often met with times of great
favor : being enabled to search the camp* as
with lighted candles, and bring hidden things
out of darkness.
" As Daniel was engaged to thank and praise,
the God of his fathers, who revealeth the deep
and hidden things,;—he knoweth what is in the
darkness, and the light dwelleth with him,—
so I wish, not only to praise him, in. word,
but that my lifey and conduct, may praise him
to the end of my time."
. In another visits which he performed, under
a similar appointment, it appears that he was
particularly impressed with the necessity and
beauty, of unity and harmony among friends.
On this subject, the following remarks were
made.
This state will evermore be blessed with the
circulation of life, from member to member.
They are engaged in * breathing for one an¬
other, and they partake one with another, tQ
the rejoicing of each other's hearts. But we
find a breach of this unity prevents the heavenly
blessing* For " if thou bring thy gift before the
altar, "and there rememberest that thy- brother-
hath ought against thee, leave there thy gift
before the altar, and go thy way; first be re¬
conciled to thy brother* and then come and
offer thy gift." So, we need not expect our
offerings to find acceptance, until we dp oup
* Mental Prayer,
( 37 )
part of the work of maintaining love and unity.
When-.-we-have faithfully done our duty, in the
divine sight, then we find acceptance. And,
" if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go.
and tell him his fault, between thee and him
alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained
thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then
take with thee one . or two-more, that in the
mouth of two or three witnesses, every word
jnay be established! but if he neglect to hear
them, tell it to the Church." See the beautiful
order established to maintain love and unity,
and be qualified to say; Lord, forgive me my
trespasses, as I forgive them, that trespass
against me.. So, we may find, that all hard
thoughts one against another, ought to be re¬
moved, before we can be rightly prepared for
divine, worship.
But it appeared to me, that friends had been
much- behind-hand, in this needful work- of
maintaining unity:—-that they had felt some
dislike to. one another's conduct; and for want
of taking timely care, to discharge themselves
of their uneasiness, they had, from time to
time, laid up these things in their minds, till
some had got many accounts, old and new,
against some of their friends, which had never
been settled, or blptted out of their minds by
the forgiving spirit of charity. These things
produced shyness, and obstructed brotherly
freedoms, and harmonizing love: so that they
cpuld not feel united for the prosperity of truth,
( 38 )
and for watching over one another for good.
And some?, knowing that they had given cause
of uneasiness to their brethren, were willing
to find something to charge their brethren with.
Parents had infused their prejudices into the
minds of their children. And when they as¬
sembled for divine worship, the faces of each
other, revived the '• aughts'* they had against
each other. These, not being prepared to re¬
ceive the heavenly anointing, their minds were
entertained with the failings of their brethren.
Corrupting food! for any to feed upon the
faults of others. These things stagnate the cir¬
culation of life in meetings, and may be com¬
pared to the foxes, which spoil the precious,
vines.
And as I endeavoured to be faithful, in this
plain way of labor, I felt an increase of the
precious ointment; and my heart was filled with
Gospel doctrines: so that I had to drop one
sentence, and then to wait to feel strength of
body to speak another; and endeavoured to
arouse the meeting, both by precept and ex¬
ample : that we might endeavour to find some
place in our friends' minds, to pour forth our
concern for each others preservation. For surely
brotherly freedom ought to be used among
friends. It is a badge of discipleship, and
where freedom cannot be used, there is a state!
of bondage.
The meeting held long, and it was a soli^'
time of renewed visitation.
( 30 )
AFTER this, my affliction increased, so
that I many times did not get out to meetings.
Dr.— , furnished me with opium pills and
advised me to use them, that my pain should
not keep me from sleep. I asked him whether
it would not benumb my sensitive faculties:
but he thought it would not. I found it lessened
the sensation of pain; so that I could lie still,
and feel disposed to sleep, which was very
comfortable to nature. But on strict examina¬
tion, the pain still remained, and the disease
not likely to be removed. I found also, that my
ideas were not clear. It has a tendency too, to
lessen all concern or anxiety about things, ei¬
ther present, or any future state of being.—*
Therefore, I could not feel free to make much
use of that, which stupifies the talents given
me, " to work out my salvation, through
tribulation, fear, and trembling."
I considered, in my deep afflictions, when
I could not sleep, that the Creator of man is
Omnipotent, and that he permits afflictions,
for man's future happiness; that all things may-
work for the good of those that truly love and
fear him. The Lord's prophets passed through
many afflictions and troubles: and Christ, our
holy pattern, " was a man of sorrows, and
acquainted with grief:" and felt the agonizing
pains of death. He submitted to the Father's
will in them, saying " not my will, but thine
be done." So, when I have been enabled to
follow the example of Christ, in submitting
( 40 )
to the cross, I have found hard things made
easy:—my mind quieted in Sweetness, and
borne up, above pain, to rejoice in tribulations;
and behold the mysteries of Heaven, revealed
to my understanding. o-This is much better than
the operation of opium.
When we have given up all thing's to the
Father's will, and by his purifying baptisms,
are made clean, then are we restored into the
Creator's image of holiness. Oh! how muth
better, for man to be awakened by afflictions,
to experience this happy state; having the eyes
sufficiently anointed to /see things as they are,
in the divine sight, and coming to buy gold,
tried in the fire, so as to be rich in Heaven—
and having white raiment—knowing that the
Lord hath clothed his nakedness; than to be in
a state of benumbed deception of being rich
and full, when, in the divine sight, he is poor
and miserable, blind and naked. Did not Christ
declare that many would be deceived, and not
able to enter the kingdom of Heaven,- where
no unholy thing can enter?
Those that walk in the way of self denial,
and whose work has been to lay up treasure in
Heaven, often bringing their deeds to the light
to know whether " they are wrought in God;"
and if not, that they may be reproved—have
not much for the fire of judgment to kindle
upon.
These are willing to go down into baptisms
like one formerly } who desired that he might be
( 41 )
{Surged and clean, that he might be washed and
made whiter than snow. How can any expect
to be prepared for that holy place, without going
down into deep judgments, and searching fiery
baptisms, to refine them as pure gold? The
Prophets, Christ, and the Apostles, pointed
out these things i that the old earth and the old
heavens must pass away, and all things be made
new. Darkness is to take place on this worlds
enjoyments. The prophet Joel, says: " And
I will shew wonders in the heavens and in the
earth; blood and fire, and pillars of smoke.
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the
moon into blood." And the Apostle Peter
declared that, " the day of the Lord will come,
as a thief in the night; in the which, the hea¬
vens shall pass away with a great noise, and the
elements shall rnfelt with fervent heat : the earth
also, and the works that are therein, shall be
burnt- up. Seeing then, that all these things
shall be dissolved, what manner of persons
ought ye to be, in all holy conversation, and
godliness; looking for, and hasting unto, the
Coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens
being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements-
shall melt with fervent heat? Nevertheless we,
according to his promise, look for new hea vens
and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteous¬
ness."
I have often thought, that seeing these bodies
of flesh must shortly be dissolved, and our
spirits be removed to a new place of abode,
( 42 )
xfrhat manner of persons ought we to be indeed ;
employing ourselves in holy, godly conversa¬
tion ! I have often desired that 1 might not bear
much of the vain, trifling conversations of this
world; that I might not be drawn into them:
as these things have a tendency to beget into
the same likeness. I wish for my words to be
fewer, and more savory, " for in the multitude
of words (Solomon said) there wanteth not sin."
IN the spring of 1806, I felt drawings to
attend the yearly meeting. My mind was brought
into a sympathizing feeling with the state of
society; and a deep travail of spirit for the
gathering of back-sliders. But in my affliction
of body and exercise of mind, I had but very
little appetite to take nourishment. And daily
had fevers: making breathing so laborious,
that 1 many times, thought I could not exist
, much longer.
The night before the time to set out to the
yearly meeting, I had hard strugglings till after
midnight; feeling drawings revived to attend
the meeting, and many reasonings against it:
apprehending that I was not able to go half
way. I sat down, and endeavoured to feel after
the divine will, and after some openings, I
gave up to go, in obedience to the divine call.
The severe pain in my eye and head, gradually
abated,—I lay down", and got a little sleep-in
the latter part of the night.
( 43 .)
. In the morning when we were nearly ready
to set out, Elizabeth Coggeshall came in, and
told me that her companion was then Mary
Morton from Philadelphia,* one of my sym¬
pathizing friends, when I was there. But I had
almost lost the recollection of her. She sat down
by me, and asked me if I did not remember a
visit I had of several women friends, in com¬
pany with Arthur Howel, when I was in a low
state. I told her I had often to remember that
time. She said that she was then one of the
company. She named several friends that sent
their love to me, and some, she said, were
true sympathizers with me. At the revival of
these things, we sat and shed tears together.
We set out together, and although I was in
much pain, and my appetite was so Weak, that
I sometimes found it difficult for me to take as
much as three mouthfuls of bread, and a cup
of coffee, yet I was enabled to attend all the
sittings of the yearly meeting,, and to relieve
my mind by spreading my exercise before
friends. But one or two long sittings I felt most
easy to leave, a little before they adjourned.
I met with painful exercises with young peo¬
ple who would not keep their seats in meetings.
I felt divine love to own my being there:
and in the last sitting of the meeting, I could
joyfully say, that" I sat down under his shadow,
* Elizabeth had been to his-house beforer in.
company with E. Byrd.
( 44 )
afnd his fruit was sweet to my taste.3' And I
had to eall to my beloved friends, and invite
them to come and partake with me. I also had
solid opportunities with several at my quarters,
and'some were much tendered.
Elizabeth Coggeshall had much labor, and
my spirit travailed with her, in the harmonizing
unity.
As I came on my way home, my mind was
melted, in humble thankfulness for the many
favors bestowed upon me.
I know it is a pleasant state to be meek and
humble. The Lord delights in teaching thefee
of: his ways, and guides them in judgment.
After I got home, I felt ihuch exhausted and
weak, both in body and in mind. I did not
think' I was able to attend meetings, but that
my work was to exercise patience, in waiting
for my change.
Elizabeth and her companion, *were: about
two weeks visiting the meetings, which belong
to our quarter; and then came tomy house in
the morning before our meeting at Burleigh.
I got out to meeting with them; and as I sat
in the forepart of the meeting, • I desired to be
felt with, and, like Peter, to be washed and
to be clean every whit. After a time of silence,
Elizabeth began to speak of the happy state uf
being Clothed with immortality; and said, that
she had been brought into near sympathy^ with
her afflicted brother, tvho was then sitting near
to her; aq$ who had been a faithfuHaborer.i»
( ^ )
^hat-meeting. 'But now, he had nearly done
,'his.-dayJs work, -and would soon rest from his
•tebors,>artd receive the rewards of the faithful.
.She-addressed several different states-then pre¬
sent: -arid afterwards was exercised in suppli¬
cation ; in whieh she interceded for her- afflicted
ifrierld, 'with ^whom, she- said, her soul was
nearly united 5—that the Lord would continue
to be near him, through the -remaining part of
his affliction, who was, sometimes, made to be
thankful, and rejoicein?fchem. She also, inter¬
ceded for 44 his" son, and' then for the other
part of'the meeting. 'At; the conclusion of the
meetin g, she took :me by the hand, holding it
for sometime,—-and after, a while, said; " Well
-Barnaby; Ldo not. know how it is to be with me;
but thiSv L am well ', satisfied in,^-*tbat it -will be
well -with-thee."! I. replied, that I hoped she
would. .be favored-with thati perfect love, that
-casteth out all'fear.
i We then: parted, not expecting to see each
mother any more, in mutibility.
This, rwasnot. only a consolitary. time tome,
.but'it was a-favored meeting to others. .Several
friends; saktrthey hadnot been in such a meet-
fog-before;; and .that; her testimony concerning
'me, - was Of much1 more service, -by its. being
' delivered'rim a public meeting, than if it had
:been: iix my/family.; It tended to remove hard
-thoughts from some disorderly .ones, -whom,
I had honestly labored with. And some,- that
were in a luke warm state, not wiftiogxto comply
( 46 )
with some parts of our discipline, were, at
times, judging that I was too zealous. It tended
to impress the labor which had been bestowed;
and to open friends' minds, to feel more affec¬
tionate love towards me; and to receive close,
sound doctrine afterwards. My spirit was so
revived, that my appetite returned; and I was
strengthened to attend many more meetings,
which were favored seasons.'
COUSIN James Ladd, had been in a con-
sumptive declining way, for several months,
and was desirous to see me. But he did not
expect I was able to go, till some friends en¬
couraged him to believe I might be able to go,
in an easy, close carriage. His son James D.'
Ladd, came for me in the 9th month, 1806.
I thought it right to wait for Truth's counsel;
lest I might undertake, what I could not per¬
form. And the answer to me, in my silent
waiting was; " Go with him, for it is right for
thee, now, to go with him, as it was for Peter,
to go to the house of Cornelius, when he was
sent for." Although I believe that my weak
body, would have to endure much fatigue and
pain, yet I had to believe that I should live to
be brought home again. So, I gave up, to go;
having my wife * to nurse me. After we set out.
* A second Wife.
( 47 )
the day proved to be very rainy, and the rivef
was njugh. The carriage was lifted into the boat,
with rny wife and me, shut up in it. We had
four hands to row the boat, and we were an
hour geting a-cross,-—I thought of the danger
we appeared to be in, of being turned out of
the boat: but I felt my mind stayed, quieted,
and easy, in believing I had that word to go,
which is above the wind and waters, and is all
powerful to command them. We got, that
evening, to James Denson Ladd's,—I was so
fatigued, that my bones and joints were in so
much pain, I could get no ease for several hours.
The next morning we got to James Ladd's—
found him in a weak state. But lie was glad to
see me.—I often had to leave him, and lie
down to rest myself.
James desired that we might have a private
opportunity together, so the family withdrew*
and he communicated his tried situation to me.
I desired him to give up, willingly to the bap¬
tisms of death, that he might experience the
resurrection of life.—I wished him to keep in
the hope. I thought we might rejoice together
in considering kow we had given up to the
.heavenly call, in the morning of our days.—
We ought to travel down, into deep judgments,
that we might be enabled to bear, every needful
work, to fit us for the holy habitation.—We
had great encouragement to submit to the
refining dispensations, and trust in the Lord's
promises, that when his people passed through-
(s 4S' )
the waters, the floods-should not overwhelm,
tfem, and when they passed through. tfife fire?
it should not kindle upon them;—like- one?
formerly, that when he passed ? through the
region and shadow of death-, lie would iear no <
evil.—-David - declared: tile Lord's judgments
were true and rlghteous altogether; more to be-
drsired are they than gold, yea than much fine-
gold; sweeter also than honey-and-'thehoney-
comb. He could sing of his j udgments, and-01!
Iris mercy; for when lie willingly submitted to his •
judgments then his-mercy overshadowed- him.
When I have willingly partaken of the bitter
cup, then I have known it to be sweetened to
me, and hard things made easy.
So that I- have been macfe to- sing of the
Lord's judgments,, finding that-they-wrought
for my good. Christ said to his followers,—
" a little while they should seek him and could-
not find him." my mind was bowed in travail;
to pray for hitn, The Lord in bis wisdom hath
ordered the day- to- continue to succeed the
night, and the winter and summer seasons to
succeed1 each - other. He cause© the sun to be
withdrawn with its -warmth from the earth, then:
the power of'coldness takes place, and congeals
the earth, and Waters into a hard, frozen state,
like a rock, But by this means the earth is
enriched, and' made more fertile, after it is
softened again, by the warmth of the sun* So?
the Lord's children spiritually experience such
dispensations, in the work of the new creation*
( 49 )
How ought we then patiently to wait- in the
winte# season, and quietly hope for the coming
again of the son of righteousness, to soften our
' hearts, and make them penetrable; and capable
of yielding greater increase of precious fruits
to the divine owner. Oh! let-patience have its
perfect work, until the Lord may be pleased
to say to the north, give up thy frozen state,
and come thou south wind, and blow upon my
enclosed garden, and cause the shut up spring
to be opened, and the fountain to be unsealed.
My spirit travailed in faith for my friend; that
if.he would do his part, the Lord would bring
him to experience these things.
After being with him several days, I pro¬
posed coming home on the morrow, which was
the 7th day of the week. He paused for some
time, and told me he thought that he could not
give me up willingly to come home till 2nd
day; for he wished me to have a sitting in his
family to-morrow, and the next day attend
their meeting.
He desired his sons to be collected. I sub¬
mitted to have a sitting, and it was a favored
time in his family; the next day they had my
wife and me taken to their meeting, and although
I thought I had taken leave of that meeting
before, I was engaged to labour nearly as long
as my weak body could bear. Elizabeth Pat¬
terson, from Carolina, also attended that meet¬
ing; and treated on the subject of the Vineyard
which had much done in it, and yet it brought
( 50 )
forth w.hd fruit. Oh! how deplorable roust that
state beto have the divine hedge taken#way*
and. that which is good to be eaten, up, the wall
to be broken down, and it to be trodden under
foot; and the clouds to be commanded to. rain
UP rain upon it.
James Denson Ladd was to take us to his
house that afternoon: and as the time drew near
for our last parting, I was brought into sympa¬
thizing feeling with James; and was impressed
with the considerations of the Lord's dealings
with his people, from one generation to another
That he would h5ve a people, which were
proved by trying dispensations: and that it had
been 'his will, that their brethren should feel
with them and pray for them in the times of
their trials, So J was impressed to kneel down
by the bed side, and cry unto him whose ear
is not grown heavy, that it cannot hear, nor- his
hand shortened that it cannot s^ve. I interceded,
for my afflicted friend, and for those that were
about him to be brought under a right concern
to feel with him- We had travailed much toge¬
ther in the oneness of spirit, and our parting
Was trying to us both. He held me by the hand
a considerable time; and said he was, thankful
fpr the favors he had received.
After getting to Denson's that evening, my
hoarseness increased, so, that I was brought to
Whispering. The next day we were confined,
to the house, it being an uncommon time q£
min. I had such piercing pains in my baek>
( 51 )
that I could scarcely "move: it seemed like
taking away my breath; and had it not been
that I relied on the Word of faith, I believe that
I should have dtepaired of getting home. But
-J got a little relieved, and Joseph Ladd took us
the next 'day, home. The weak state of my
body, and the exercise of mind, Which I had'to
pass through, 'the cold also which I had taken,
'confined me to my bed, much of my time for
'several weeks.
James Ladd lived a iMe more than two
weeks after I left him. 1 was informed that a
little before his death, perceiving some person
looking earnestly on 'him he said " all men.
•tnust come to that," and that he should make
a good end, which would crown all.
That is a happy State, to die the death of the
•righteous: Blessed are the -dead, that die in the
Lord's favor, they rest from their labor, and
their works follow them.
Although I knew rliat I Was not able to get
out to meetings, yet I felt my mind so much
drawn to our next monthly meeting, to be held
•at Burleigh, that 1 sometimes had faith to be¬
lieve, 'that I Should be recruited and strength-
'ened to attend it, and when the time came, 1
Was much revived. A friend came in the morn¬
ing *to see me, and took me in his carria ge to
the meeting; tvhere Iwas strengthened to labor
winch to my -relief. J was also carried to meet¬
ing the next day, and was favored 'to labor
beyond what friends or myself could have
( 52 )
expected. But when I thought to stand up in-
the meeting as usual, my joints were so full of
pain that I did not feel able to stand, so I kept
my seat and spoke as I had strength given.
After that, the weather was often cold, and
wet; and I was so much afflicted with pains,
that I needed help to turn myself in bed, and
to be raised up to put on my clothes.
When the monthly meeting in the 12th
month came, I had not been out to meetings
for two months; the affliction of my eye and
head, had affected my nerves through my body,
drawing many ways like the cramp; which
occasioned great soreness and pain to lie on bed.
So that I was not able many times to turn
myself in bed, nor to get up without help.—
In the evening, after friends came from meet¬
ing, I told them I thought it was not likely that
I should be able to go out to meetings any
more. But after going to bed, my mind was
weightily drawn to sit with friends once more.
In the morning, I informed friends of my ex¬
ercise, and queried whether it would do for
me to go to meeting or whether I must appoint
a time and request friends to come and sit with
me, in my house. They said that after going
to bed, they were thinking about my going
out—believing that it would be no disadvantage
for me to go to meeting. So they carried me;
but the jolting of the carriage seemed almost
like taking away my breath. Friends took me
put of the carriage, and I got seated in th§
( 53 )
jmeeting: And, he that promised to be strength
in weakness, strengthened me to my admira¬
tion to continue my speech, greatly to the relief
of my exercised mind. The meeting held
nearly three hours, and I rested much better
the night after.
The painful afflicting state of my. body in¬
creased, which is very trying to nature. I often
desire that patience may have "its perfect work;
remembering the Apostle's declaration,* that
tribulation worketh patience, and patience,
experience, and experience hope, which maketh
not ashamed.
The first month is nearly run out in the year
1807, and I am almost helpless, waiting for my
change.
Here this worthy friend brought the account
of .his life and exercises to a close, about two
weeks before his decease. Under the sore af¬
flictions which were permitted to attend him,
lie was much favored with tranquility of mind
and resignation to the divine will. He continued
to manifest a tender concern for his friends and
fervent attachment to the cause of truth, and
frequently requested opportunities of silence
with his family and friends who came to sec
him. On these occasions he was often enabled
to administer suitable admonition and counsel,
and was several times engaged in vocal suppli¬
cation in a very remarkable manlier. At one
* Rom. v. 3, 4, fcfc.
{ 54 )
time, as he was lying quietly coin posed, lie
said to a friend who Was near him, " I seem
to hear the harmonious sound -of Songs 'of
tove.
Thus supported by an invisible hand, and
animated by the prospect before him, he ap,
preached that awful period. And departed, this
life, the 13th day of the '2nd mouth, 1807.