Black Vs White, -OR- THE NIGGER AND YANKEE. AH ORIGINAL FARCE, IN ONE ACT 33Y Geo. S* Yautrot, Esg* Author of, The False Friend; At Last, a temperance play, eto, With a description of costumes, characters, entrances and exits, relative positions on the stage, and the whole of the stage business, careful¬ ly marked from the Author's own manuscript. Respectfully dedicated to the Arcadian Dramatic Club of Mobile, Alabama. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1880, by A. D. AMES, In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at WaihiAgtOA, CLYDE, OHIO. A. D. AMES, Publisher. EL ACE VS "WHITE. CHARACTERS. Cesar A Mobile newsboy, afterwards Dowd's servant Ezekiel Smith ,* A T&n.iet James Julip Dowd's Nephew Charles Dowd A retired merchant May Sprite In love with Jalvp Mrs. Sharp A Widow COSTUMES. CESAR.—1st. dress; newsboy's ragged suit. 2d. dress; neat suit. SMITH.—White beaver hat, swallowtail coat, striped pantaloons, stand¬ ing collar, yellow cravat. POWD JULIP MAY , Mrs SHARP J PROPERTIES. Table, chairs, books on table, letter, pistol, jack knife, plug of toW-«o. spittoons, picture in a case, a note, bundle of newspapers, a jewsharp, * cooked sweet potatoe, basin of water, large cheese knife, cord, pail. Modern. Time of performance,—Thirty-five minute* Black Ys White. ■ACT U SCENE FIRST.—Dowd's 'parlor. 153 1-S North Government street. Enter Julip, b. 1 e., letter in hand—looks at letter, scratches his head, seata himself in chair l., table at his elbow, sighs, takes off his hat, puts it ©» again, takes it off, sighs very dejectedly. Julip. At last! at last! Oh, that I had never been, born! This insig¬ nificant piece of paper, tells me that I am no more than a friend, that I am esteemed as a friend, looked upon as a friend, and will never be anything more than a friend.—And this is the end of all my hopes, my plans, and my ambition. (fiercely) I don't care to live any morel I may as well put an end to everything. (draws a pistol from his pocket) I may as well die now, as at any other time, {puts pistol to his temple) Farewell, false girl, I leave Enter Smith c. takes in the situation. Smith. Look a here, stranger, that 'era is a mighty dangerous weepoa you've got stuck to your head. (Julip drops pistol. Julip. Why—what Smith. If that ere persuader had a went off, it might a hurt you. Julip. Hurt me, no my friend it could not have hurt me. It would have put an end to my sufferings. Smith. What's the matter with yer ? Bin eating cowcumbera fer dinner an' got the colic? Julip. No. Smith. Bin eating green apples ? Julip. (savagely) No, you fool. Smith. Now look here, stranger, don't go to callin' a fellow hard names, I don't like it. Julip. I beg your pardon, but if you knew the contents of this letter, you would not wonder at my despondency. Smith. Dis-pon-den-cy 1 my friend that ere is a new disease, whar dew ill ketch a man first? Julip. I am broken hearted. Smith. (not hearing him) Wall, it don't matter, here's something'll knock the spots out 'n that dispondency quicker'n lightnin'. {pulls black ~h$ttlefrom pocket) Jest yer take a good nor'wester of this here stuff, an' if it don't do ye good, my name iiut Ezekiel Smith, all the way from old Mis- ouri. Julip. No, my friend, I am a Good Templar, and nothing under the sun would induce me to taste it. Smith. Wal, I've tried ter du the best I could for yer, an' if yer want a friend, why call on me an' I'll du the best I ken for yer. Julip. You will ? Smith. Yaas sir'ee Bob Jenkins, I will. . Julip. Then, if you .will wait a moment I will tell you what I want you to do. Smith. All right, drive ahead, an' if its anything short of manslaughter in (be first degree, I'll du it, so help me Uineral Jackson* « BLACK vs. WHITE. JuJip. I'll be back presently. (exit R. 2 Smith. (seats himself at table, takes out knife and commences to carve his name on table) That chap's the funniest rooster I ever did see ; got the—the {scratches head) I'll swan to graciom, if I h 1'int done forg )t what he said was the matter with him. (takes out piuj of tobacro and takes a chew, sp ts on floor) This here's purty good terbacky (szes spittoon taken up one and examines it) I wonder what them things is here for. (puts spittoon down re¬ seats himself) They must be ter set the room off I reckou. If I wa'nt afraid the boss would git mad, I'd spit in one of them boxes—but I hate to dirty anything with— Enter Julip, r. 2 e. interrupting him. Julip. Here my friend, you are spoiling my uncle's carpet, by spitting tobacco juice on it. Smith. "Wall, that's the way I du down ter my gal's home, and she don't never say nothin' about it, an' 'side I didn't see no place ter spit, an' I could not swailer it, I tried that once an' it made me sick. Julip. There are the spittoons, why didn't you use one of them? Smith, {picks up one—looks at it with astonishment) What! Je-ru-sa- iem, make snakes J Spit in one of them purty boxes ? Kinder thunk they i was put here ter set off the room. Julip. So they are ; but they are also put there for use. But here is what I want you to do. I want you to take this note to Miss May Sprite, at the corner of the next street, and wait for an answer. Smith, (puts finger to nose with a knowing look—aside) I never thunk of eich a thing, now I knows what's the matter with this soap locks. _ He's got a instantainous combustication of the heart, cotched it while swingin' on somebody's gate arter the old folks was in bed, an' the moon wa'nt Bhinin'. Julip. (impatiently) What are you talkin about? Smith. Ain't talkin' 'bout nothin,—only thinking out loud. Julip. Will you take it? Smith. Sartinly, sartinly ! but how am I ter know the gal ? Julip. (thinks—takes picture from pocket) There's her picture, look at it well, and you cannot fail to know her. (Smith looks at the picture) Do you think you would know her—know her at sight? Smith. Sartin I would, sartin sure. Julip. Come to think of it, she's always accompanied by an old aunt, ■who is immensely rich, and who keeps a strict guard upon her. The old lady thinks every one is after her neice on account of the money she is ex¬ pected to get, so you will have to be careful. Do my errand faithfully and jny gratitude shall be yours. (gives note—exit r. Smith. (walks about stage—hands in pocket) She alius goes out with her aunt—old lady's got lots of tin; young gal expects ter git it—old lady thinks everybody's arter the gal on account of this money she's goin' ter git. (stops) Them ere is purty good reasons why he wants her himself. But I don't think he will—look a here Mr. Ezekiel Smith, you're a good lookin' chap I'll do it—I'll do it. You'd better look out Mister—miste^ —mister—may I be stuffed with a fifteen cent free lunch if I know what his name is—well, Mister Spoons will will du jest a3 well, I'm goin, in fer that gal, I'm arter matrimony, an' a little more fer the money. (exit l. 1 e. Enter Dowd, c. in a rage, Dowd. I want a good, smart, active, man servant—I'm tired of these wo¬ men. They are forever talking about something that doesn't concern me at all, it's one continual complaint, I am sick of it. They always want to da things in an appropriate way—I'll get a man, and then I'll see whether Cesar. 'Ere's yer mornin' papers, all about de terrible rale-rode bust up, *n' combustion ! All de latest newe from Washington J (outside) Dowd. (goes to r. 2 p. calls) Here, boy, bring me a paper, Cesar, (outside) All right, boss, be dar ia a mmnit, sooo's I change dia hundred dollar bill for dia fellar. BLACK vs WHITE. 5 Dowd. Well, now, that's what 1 call impudence. Change a hundred dollar bill, but those news boys can't be beat for cheek; Enter Cesar b. news-boy's dress, papers under arm, stump of cigar in his mouth. Cesar. Good mornin' sail, is you do gemman what want's de latest news ? (puffs cigar very hard Dowd. See here, you infernal little negro, (snuffing) what do you mean by smoking that cigar in my parlor? (coughs Cesar. I was jest gibin' yer de scent, boss, so yer could go down whar I got dis at, and git yerself one. Dis here's aginiwine Habana, git 'eia fer two bits a piece at Peter Burke's. Dowd. lJo you mean to tell me, that is a Havana cigar ? Cesar. Ysis sah, I does, real giniwine habana segar. Dowd. But you did not give two bits for it, did you ? Cesar. Me? (laughs) No sah, I didn't give nuffin fer it, I didn't. Dowd. So you did not give anything for it ? Cesar. No sah, not de fust red cent. Does yer believe I'm a fool ter spend all my capital fer a cigar ? No, boss, guess I'se got more sense dan. dat. Dowd. Then how do you know it is a Havana cigar, and cost two bits? Cesar, {grins) Kase I seed Mister Burke when he got it out ob j,de box j an' I knows be don't make nuffin but good cigars. Dowd. But how did you come to'get it? Cesar. Yaw, hah, ha! Dar's where de laff comes in. You jest orter seed me, boss! Dowd. I suppose you come some of your sharp tricks on the gentleman. Cesar. No sah I he's too sharp hisself. Dowd. Well, how did you get it ? Cesar. I jest watched him, an' de minit he frowed it away, I flung my hat oberde stump, an' hollerd "Grasshopper." Dowd. Why, what made you say "grasshopper?" Cesar. Dat's only a word us boy's is got. But, look here, boss, is dat all you called me up here fer ? Yer didn't call me up here to gib me a game ob talk, did yer ? Ain't you gwine ter buy a paper ? Dowd. Yes, certainly, here's your nickle! Give me the paper. Cesar. No, yer don't, boss ! Dowd. Why don't you give me the paper? Cesar. Kase papers is riz. {aside) Dey's corned up three par ob stars an' is higher dan dey was before, {aloud) Dey's wuff two bits now. Dowd. For the whole lot ? Cesar. No sah, fer one pa per. Dowd. How do you make that? Cesar. Why, you see in de fust place, when dey was down stairs dey was wuff five cents— Dowd. Well? Cesar. Den whan I corned up here, in de second place, dey's wuff tea cents. Dowd. But— Cesar. Den ter bring 'em downet&irs again will make 'em be wuff fifteen X'C.ltS. Dowd. Go on— Cesar. Lastly, an' in de third place, standin' here an' listenin' to yer chin music makes de oder ten cents; so yer see, boss, by all de rules ob da epellin' book dey am wuff at de present time, two bits, an' as all de papers am sold out at de office—an' de forms knocked into Washington pie, an' d» boss raring round, sayin' he'll kill de fust man what axes him what's do mutter wid his paper, dey am wuff de present price at dis time. Dowd. {aside) This seems to be a very smart boy. {aloud) I say Sam— Cesar. My name aint Sam. Dowd. Then, what might your name be? Cesar. It might be Abe, Ike, Julius, Pete, Tom or any ob dem common names, but it aintl £>owdi (aside) Such impv4enc« I What is yov»r 6 BLACK, vs WHITE. Cesar. My name is Cesar Brutus Cicero, but de people what knows ma beat, calls me Cesar. Dowd. Now Cesar, how would you like to become my servant j live in this house; have good clothes, good wages, and plenty to eat ? Cesar. I'd like it fust rate. How much yer gwine to gib me by de day? Dowd. I purpose to pay you by the month. Cesar. An' how much den, is you gwine to gib me by de month ? Dowd. I think twenty-five dollars would be about right. Cesar. Dat's too much, boss, too much. Dowd. Too much I what wages do you want? Cesar. 'Bout five dollars a month. Dowd. I'll have to give you more than that. But what makes you wani euch a little salary ? Cesar. Why, yer see boss, de President might make yer Post-master ob de city, an' yer might gobble up two or three millyun dollars, 'bout Ue sec¬ ond to de last day ob de month, and den run away on de last day ob de month, an' if you was only gibbin me five dollars I wouldn't lose so much, undstand? Dowd. You can consider yourself engaged. Go down to the cook and tell her to give you something to eat, then come here in half an hour, and I will tell you what your duties are. (exit o. Cesar. All right boss. Hi golly, dis nigger feels jest like a big hog in » mud-puddle. Like a Hit-me-with-a-to-mat-a's, what I seed in de circus. I'se got a place to stay, gwine ter git good clothes, good chuck. Go 'long Liza Jane I (business ad libitum) Clar de road, de bullgines comin', wont I Lave fun I I feel so good {shakes himself and throws away papers) I dun quit de business, I'se a retired millyunair, I is. (sings My gal, my gal, I'm gwine fer to see, Kase I'se got nuffin better fer to to du; I'm gwine to see my Chloe so dear, Fer ter drive away de blues. I ain't got no blues now, but den Sunday night I'm gwine ter see her, any¬ how. (starts off l. playing jewsharp, at entrance turns to audience and sings) Shoo fly don't bodder I, &c. (exit u. Enter Julip R. Julip. I wonder if that Yankee has delivered my note, I hope he has, it will show Miss May Sprite that I am not to be trifled with—I'll go and see some other girl—I'll—I'll—I'll go to the—the—I wish I hadn't sent that note—if I could only see that Yankee, I'd make him give it to me—I'll go and hunt him up. Oh dear, I never was so near crazy in my life—and all for a girl, confound the girls—I wish all the women were on one side and the men on the other with a river one hundred miles wide between us but that wouldn't make any difference—I'd be fool enongh to jump in and try to swim across—and I'll bet fifteen cents I'd meet Miss Sprite half way. (exit c. Enter Mrs. Smith and May, l. Mrs Smith. My dear May, what is the matter with yon and Mr. Julip? he has not been to see you for over a week. We have made at least a doz- «»n visits here at Mrs. Dowd's, and on each occasion Mr. Julip has not btJLk seen. Now I want you to toll me what's the matter. May. {watches door) There is'nt anything the matter with Jam I mean Mr. Julip. Mrs S. But there is something the matter—you haven't been yourself at all for the last two or thee days. Every thing you do, is done wrong, yes¬ terday at breakfast you put salt in your coffee, and then drank my tea' and remarked that coffee was not like it used to be. And yet you tell me there isn't anything the matter, pshaw ! May. Aunty. I wish you wouldn't bother me so, Mr. Julip will not come to see me any more. Mrs S. How do you know that? May. Because I've just received a note from him, in which be anvs' he will never speak to me again, and if he meets me in the streets he will treat me as a str—an—ger. and I—I— (sinks into chair and sobs BLACK vs WHITE. r Mrs 8. Tou are the biggest Why don't you send for him? May. Because he wouldn't come—I know he wouldn't. Mrs S. Let me see, I think I can contrive to bring them together. Enter Dowd a. Mrs S. They are the—(Dowd coughs) Why, good morning Mr. Dowd, you see that we toi/k advantage of your kind invitation and have called again. Dowd. {aside) Yes, I see, about forty times this week, I wonder it she's after me. (aloud) My dear madam, yourself, and charming neice are aU ways welcome, (aside) I wonder where the devil that servant of mine is. (aloud) What, Miss May in tears? May. No sir, as I was coming up the stairs the wind blew the dust in my eyes. (pulls out handkerchief and drops note which Julip ha* sent her, Mrs. Sharp se ures it unobserved.) Mrs S. (aside) This note will tell me what I wish to know. May. (puts handkerchief in pocket—misses note, is astonished—aside) I have lost the note—if anyone should find it— (searches pocket etc. Dowd sees the action Dowd. Cesar, Cesar, you black rascal, come here I (enter Cesar in second dress with a large sweet potato in hand, which he is eating) Where have you been all this time ? Cesar, (talking with his mouth full) Bin down to de cook> like you tole me, a stuffin' my face. Dowd. You haven't been eating all this time? Mrs S. (aside) I didn't know Mr. Dowd kept black servants, and al¬ lowed them to eat in his parlor. Cesar. I jist tell ye boss, dis chile am got an awful appetite. (sees ladies —hastily swallows what is inhis mouth, puts the rest of potato in pocket—aside) Hi, golly, didn't know the old rooster had female company, (aloud) Any¬ thing 1 kin do boss? (sees May—aside) Haw, haw I bin habin' a fuss, I know how ter fix dat. Good mornin' ladies, ax pardon, fer not speakin' sooner, but ye see I was so busy thinkin' 'bout de last time dat I had a>—I mean—dat 1—I mean when I was in congress, dat I didn't see yer. May. Oh, my poor eyes t (handkerchief to eye* Cesar. What's de matter wid yer eyes, Miss? May. I got them filled with dust. Cesar. What kind ob dust? Dowd. You infernal scoundrel, bring a basin of water. Cesar. What fun ! Mrs S. So that the young lady can bathe her eyes. Cesar. Who axed you'bout it? I was talkin'to de boss. Dowd. Go instantly, and bring the water, Cesar. I fly J (going slowly—aside) De young gal wants de water to wash de dust out ob her eyes, so de ole gal kin frow it in de boss's eyes. (Dowd starts toward him—he runs of b. Enter Smith c. Smith, (aside) Thar she is, thar she is 1 (sees Dowd) Thar's the ole man, I'll tell a whopper when he axes me what I want. Didn't expect ter see ^him. (looks at Mrs. Sharp, who is ogling Mr. Dowd) Hain't the ole gal sweet on the ole man ? must put a stop ter that or all my expectations are knocked into a cocked hat. (Cesar enters with a basin of water, sets it down at back of stage—approaches May.) Cesar. Here am de water, Miss. May. Thank you. (he leads her to the water, she bathes eyes, Cesar comes down stage.) Dowd. Cesar do you intend tind •( hits SmitJi » BLACK vs WHITE. Smith. Gosh all Jerusalem ! my breakfast is fell knocked ter pieces. (Ce¬ sar laughs imitating Smith who is doubled up—they fight, Smith hits Cesar, Dowd separates them) Cesar. Whatde debil you hit me fur? yer-good-fur-nothin' low down *hite trash, I didn't du nuffin ter yer. Smith. Yeou black skunk, I'll turn ye inside eout, cram yer down yer •»»wn throat, till thar won't be nothin' left of yer but yer shirt collar stickin' ^ut'er yer eyes. D'ye hear that ? Cesar. Great land ob Sodom 1 dat man's dangerous, take him away, boss. " May. Gentlemen, for my sake, do not fight. Mrs S. Come May, it is time for us to return, (to Smith) And for you «ir, if I ever see you speaking to my neice I'll have you horsewhipped. Dowd. You infernal rascal, get out of my house or I'll have you arres¬ ted. May. Kay, Mr. Dowd, do not be hard on the poor fellow. Smith, (aside) How did she know I was poor? (aloud) Look a here, squire, I didn't mean no disrespect ter ye nor ter the ladies, but this black— Cesar. Hole on dar, you're 'bout ter bite off more'n yer kin chaw. Smith. If ever I ketch yer outside this house an' I git yer down, an' git one of them ar' ears of your'n atween my teeth, yer won't think I've bit off mere'n I ken chaw. (pulls out plug of tobacco, takes an immense chew Cesar. De Lord! if dat fellow eber does kotch hole ob my year, dar won't '>e much left arter he gits through a chawin'. Mrs S. Mr. Dowd, we wish you a very good morning. I am sorry our risit was interrupted. May. Good morning, Mr. Dowd. Dowd. Good morning, ladies. Mrs S. Good morning, Mr. Dowd. (looks smiling at him—exit o. Dowd. I do really believe that woman is in love with me. Smith. Squire, you'd better watch that ar' widder. Dowd. "What do you mean? Cesar. It means dis, boss, he wants de young gal himself, an' if yer was ter marry de ole gnl, he wouldn't stan' no chance, undstand ? Smith, (inarage) You—you—vou—tar—nal descendent uv satan I I'll —I'll—I'll Dowd. (catches hold of him) Here, you get out of my house. Cesar. Dat's right, boss, bounce him, make him waltz off on his year. Smith gets loose and runs after Cesar, who runs around stage, Smith after him. Dowd after Smith, Cesar squats suddenly—Smith Jails over him, Dowd ever ihem, gets up and sees Smith and Cesar locked in each other's arms, tries to part them, he cries, Help—fire—murder—police! Julip rushes in, sees state of things, gets club strikes Smith, who finding himself attacked on all sides lets go of Cesar and runs off' c. Cesar gets up and shakes himself. Cesar. Is I all here, boss ? Julip. I gueBS you are. Don't you think so uncle? Dowd. Yes, I think he is all right, How do you feel Cesar? Cesar. Me, me I I feel jest as if I'd been ridin' a circular saw. Dat nnn's de worst rooster I eber did tackle. Dowd, Never mind, Cesar. Cesar. I don't mind it boss, but I ain't gwine ter forget it. Dowd. James, I have hired this boy to wait unon me. Julip. All right, uncle, I hope he will prove satisfactory. Cesar. I neber did hab nuffin ter do wid no eass factory, bo how's I ^-wine ter prove enything 'bout de factory. Julip. I did not mean that—I mean that you will suit my uncle. Cesar. Oh. I'se bound ter suit. (Julip sits at table—reads vaver\ But what is I got to do, boss. i. ix iiiwmi tug uuo wviuo , uuov luiuivure anu in en-— Cesar. How'bout de breakfus' boss, don't spect I kin do all dem lines on a empty stomach, does yer ? Dowd. VY hy, it won't take you half an hoar. BLACK vs WHITE. 9 . Cesar. Won't take me half an hour ter do all dat, boss? yer don't know Me. What time yer spects I'se gwine'to git up in de mornin' ? Dowd. About five o'clock. Cesar. An' what time yer gwine to git up ? Dowd. About nine o'clock. Cesar. Den yer say dat it won't take me more'n half an hour tor do all dem ting3—I gits up at five o'clock, you gits up at nine, I bin waitin* all dat time fer my breakfas', you ain't bin waitin'. Can't see it, boas, de fifteenth - amendment done passed congress. Dowd. Why, you can try, can't you Cesar ? Cesar. Yas sah, I'll try (aside) ter see how long it'll take ter dust one cheer and then dust out ob d.e back door, (aloud) But look a here boss, it's de breakfas' part ob dis contract I'm arter. (knock outside r. 2 e. Dowd. Go and see who it is, Cesar. Cesar. All right, boss, (aside) It'll take de rest ob de week ter git fur- d>r instructions. (goes to door) Who's dar ? (returns Dowd. Anybody out there, Cesar ? Cesar. Yas sah, dey's a man standin' at the door. Dowd. Why didn't you tell him to come in ? Cesar. Yer tole me fer to go an' see who it was, an' I went. Neber tole me to ax 'em to come in. Dowd. Bear this in mind—whenever I tell you to see who is at the door, I mean you to ask thpm in. (knock repeated) Go now. (exit Cesar r. Julip. He seems to be a smart darkey, uncle? Dowd. Yes but rather impudent, (enter Cesar) Well, where'a the man? Cesar. I done like yer tole me, axed him in—den shet de door an' left him standin, in -de hall. Dowd. Bring him up here, (exit Cesar r.) Did you ever see such im¬ pudence? Julip. He does not understand—he will learn after a while, (enter Cesar a. showing in Smith disguised as a quaker) Dowd. Good evening, friend. Smith. Verily thou mayst call me friend, (to Julip) and thou young man, art thou well in body and in mind ? Julip. Oh, yes, (sighs) as well as might be expected—take a seat. Smith. Many thanks, I've traveled far and am weary, (seats himself— Cesar in the meantime has gone through his pockets, finds small bottle—uncorks and smells of it, makes face) Cesar. Spects yer is. Julip. It is very near the the hour we dine, and you must be famished? Smith. Thou hast spoken truly. Cesar, (aside) Must be dis here's mighty good liquor, (drains the bottle, and returns it to Smith's pocket.) Smith. Young man, I have called to tell you some very important news, and would see thoe alone, (looks at Dowd who is dozing) I jess tell ye— (recollects himself Cesar, (starts when he hears Smith speak—aside) I believe I know dat Inanl (comes opposite side of stage U Smith. My friend, there is a female of whom I would speak to thee. Julip. A female ! and do you know her name ? Smith. Yea, friend I do. Cesar, (during the foregoing he sticks a large pin in the toe of his shoe) 1 kinder tinks dat dar feller am dat yankee, an' I'm gwine ter find out, (makes motion of sticking\him, gets behind Smith's chair Julip. Will you be so kind as to favor me with the name of the lady. Smith. Certainly young man, the name of the female is (Cesar puts foot under chair and sticks him—he jumps up) Wild cats and blazes ! (Cesar laughs Julip. What did you say her name was? (Cesar ties Smith's coat to chair Dowd. (gets up—yawns) Nephew, I believe I shall retire, the gentleman does not seem to have any business with me. Excuse me. Smith. Sartin I (stops) Thou hast spoken truly, friend, it is your neph- aw with whom I wish to speak. (exit Dowd, o< 10 BLACK vs WHITE. Cesar has filled his pockets with things in Smith's pockets. Smith discovers hit. loss. Smith, {aside) Gee-whil-i-kinI That infernal nigger's been doin' this. I'll git even with him. Julip. What is the matter with you, friend? Just now you sprang up in your chair like a crazy man, and now you are talking to yourself. (sees bot¬ tle in Smith's hand) How did you come by that ? Smith. That infer I mean that American citizen of African de¬ scent placed it in my pocket. Cesar. 'Taint so boss. If I had done it you would saw me. Julip. It is plain he did not put them there himself. Cesar. Boss, I believe he's one ob dem conjurin' chaps—dey can do most anything. Smith jumps up in a rage, and starts toward Cesar, the chair follows him and trips him up. Cesar yells. Smith. (getting up) I shan't stand this treatment any longer—I'll mash that nigger's head. Cesar. (pull an immense cheese knife) I knows ye now Mister Yankee- touch me if ye dar. Been playin' 'possum has ye? Den come on and I'll "carve dat 'possum." ( flourishes knife, Smith retreats, Cesar follows. Ji/lip. I'll go and get the whole police force. (exit, c. Smith. Now look a here Cesar, put that tooth-pick up, you might hurt yerself with it. Cesar. Call dis here a toof-pick ? Smith. Yaas, that's what we call 'em—"Arkansaw Toothpicks." Cesar. Yank, I want ask ye one question. Smith. Drive ahead. Cesar. What made ye come intode house in dat rig ? Smith. I know'd the folks here never would hev let me in, if they'd know'd who I was. Dowd. (without, l.) Cesar! Cesar! Cesar. Yes, sah. Dowd. Come here 1 Cesar. I'm comin'. (exit, h. Smith. I heerd this old chap wanted some one to take keer of his hosses. I am the chap fer that posish—I know all about hosses. Believe I'll ask the old fellow—he might hire me, then I'd alius be around the house and could git even with that nigger. Enter Dowd and Julip, c. Julip. I tell you uncle, it was that yankee. Dowd. I do not think he means any harm, (sees Smith) Here he is now Smith. Yaas, I'm here, squire, and I've got a favor to ask ye. Dowd. If 1 can do anything for you that is reasonable, I will. Smith. I heerd as heow you wanted tu hire a man tu take care of you* hosses. I knows all about hosses and would like tu git the place. , Dowd. Yes, I want a man, and I'll take you a month on trial. If yo' suit me I'll give you twenty-five dollars a month, board and lodging. Will this suit ? Smith. Tip-top. (aside) Now, Mr. Cesar, lookout. Dowd. What is your name ? Smith. Ezekiel Smith. Dowd. Go and find Cesar, and he will show you the stables. Smith. All right, squire. (exit, l., whittling. Dowd. Now, my dear nephew, that we are alone, I wish to know what is the matter with you ? Tulip, (sighing) There isn't anything the matter. Dowd. I know better. You sigh, appear nervous — in fact are not, the same boy you were a week ago. Julip. As you have noticed me so closely, I'll tell you. A —. BLACK va WHITE. 11 Enter, Cesar l., greatly excited* Dowd. What's the matter ? Cesar. Hab you hired dat yankee ? Dowd. Yes. What of it? Cesar. Pay him and let him go. Dowd. What for, Cesar ? Cesar. He come to me and he tole me, dat you tole him to tell me to show him he stables. Dowd. That is correct. Cesar. I tole him dat you didn't say no such thing. Den he remarked dat I was a liar. Julip. Called you a liar? Cesar. Yes, sah, and somethin' wuss. Dowd. He did ? Cesar. Yes, sah. He pulled a horspital on me. Dowd. (astonished) Pulled a hospital on you ? Julip. He means a horse pistol, uncle. Cesar. Boss, I want ye to discharge dat man. Dowd. No, Cesar, I have promised to give him a month's trial. Cesar. Den I 'spects I'll hab to stand it, but I warn ye, dat feller's gwine to make trouble in dis house. {knock, l. Dowd. Go and see who that is, Cesar, {exit, Cesar t.) I did not expect visitors, did you, Jpmes? Julip. (nervously) No. {aside) Who can it be? Enter Cesar, l., a card in his mouth. Cesar, {card in his mouth) Dar's a couple ob ladies down stairs, and one ob 'em sends up dis here. Dowd. Tnat is not the way to present a card. Cesar. I don't want to sile it. Dowd. {reads) "Mrs. Sharpe," "May Sprite." {Julip starts to go, Dowd calls him back) Where are you going, James? Julip. I have a—a—a—yes—that is—I—{distracted) I have to see a man down town. Cesar, {aside) I knows what's de matter wid de young boss. Dowd. You have to see a man, James ? Cesar. Yas sah, he owes a man a bill, an' he want3 to pay him afore the »he—riff grabs him. Julip. {aside to Cesar) 1 don't owe any—■ Cesar, {ditto) Don't yer see I'm tryin'ter git yer outen de scrape ? Dowd. Cesar! {Cesar jumps) Go and tell the ladies to come up. Julip tries to exit — Dowd calls him, back, as he seats himself Cesar shows the ladies in c. Cesar. Here am de ladies. (retires up stage Dowd. Good day, Ladies. Mri's } ®00(* d&y> ^r" ^ow<^ • Julip. {not looking up) Good day, ladies. Mrs S. Good day, James. {May does not answer Julip. {aside) It is just as I thought. Mrs S. {aside) I couldn't have had a better opportunity. Cesar, {aside) Dat ole gal knows her business, she's a gwine ter hook de ole man, an' make de young gal cotch de young man. Mrs S. Mr. Dowd you're looking splendid! (looks at him admiringly Cesar, {aside) Jess what I thought. Dowd. Well—a—the fact is I am feeling very well and—{aside) I do believe the woman is in love with me. Mrs 8. I am glad to hear you say so. {aside) The old fool is succumb¬ ing already. 12 BLACK vs WHITE. Cesar. (laughs—a side) Jess look at 'em, each one thinks they've cot da other, but jesa look at the young folks, they've got it bad. May seals herself opposite Julip—they look at each other at tht same time, then turn away very much embarrassed, business ad libitum. M's S. Mr. Dowd you promised to show me those pictures which you purchased in Rome. Dowd. So I did. (aside) Confound it, when I said Rome, 1 meant Home, Georgia, paid one dollar and fifty cents a piece tor 'them at auction. Mrs S. I do so admire fine paintings they are so beautiful—that is-— some of them. (she turns slightly towards Mat/ and Julip—they raise their eyes at that instant, business as before—Mrs. Sharpe smiles, Cesar laughs.) I have a distant relative in Columbus who has a large collection of pictures. Cesar, (aside) He must keep a photograph gallery. Dow I. My dear Mrs. Sharpe, I would be delighted to show you my pic- tu"es but— Mrs S. That is always the way. (strikes him playfully with her fan) Come come, Mr. Dowd, I will have no "but3," « sero-comic voice) I aia mistress of all I survey. Cesar, (aside) Hanged if you is. (shakes his head Dowd. When the ladies command, it only remains for us to obey. (offers his arm Mrs S. (taking his arm) Thank you, May we will leave you for a short time, and do not run away with James. May. 'I do not think there is any danger of that Aunty. (looks at Julip who drops his eyes Mrs S. Pray excuse us Mr. Julip. Julip. Certainly, but may I not go too ? Mrs S. For shame, Mr. Julip. Julip. I mean—yes—I mean— Dowd. Come Mrs. Sharpe, let's be going, never mind the young people. May. Don't be gone long, Aunty. (Cesar mikes a grand bow Mrs S. No, I'll not be loug. (aside) I'll make it long enough to give you iwo fool a quiet chat. (exit Mrs. Sharp and Dowd, c. May and Julip appear very nervous, Julip sighs, put% his hands in his pocket, tries to whistle. May takes out her handkerchief and counts the stitches in the hem. Cesar watches them, points first to one thet. the other. Julip looks at May and draws a long breath, May ditto—Julip siqhs loud¬ ly, Cesar runs to him. Cesar. What's de matter Marsa Julip, ain't sick is yerf Julip. No. Cesar. Thought ye had de cramps. (May sighs, he runs to her) What's de matter, young miss, is you sick ? May. N o. Cexar. (aside) Now dem folks is sick—dey's love-sick, been takin in too much moonshine after supper. Julip. Cesar, bring me a glass of water. (Cfaar starts' May. Cesar ! (runs to her) Go and tell my aunt, I wish to go home. - (he starts Julip.- Cesar! (he comes back, Julip takes him one side) Be just as long as you can about it, understand ? Cesar. Oh, yas, sah, I understand, (aside) And I knows dey both wants me out ob de way. (laughs, starts to go, turns suddenly, sees Mai/ -ir.d Ju'ip looking at each other) Dem two is de wuss struck dat I eber dij s<»e. (exit l. Julip sees Cesar has gone then turns to May vho is looking after Ocsny Julif is nervous—knocks book eff the table, May jumps. ' May. Why Jam—Mr. Julip how you frightened me. Julip. I an very sorry my dear—Miss J lay. May. I declare you frightened me so I am all of a tremble. BLACK vs WHITE. 1* down Julip. Did you say any thing, Miss May? May. Where are yougoiug? Juhp. Oh, nowhere in particular, (he looks in his hat, May at the carpet May. You are so mean— Julip. I am—that is—I mean—(aside) I don't know what I do mean. (he is in the meantime moving towards May, business ad lib. May. You—you are so mean. Julip. I'm very sorry. May (aside) There he goes again. I wish he would say something else. Ju/ip. My dea—(checks himself) If lam, who is the cause of it? May. I am sure I do not know Mr. Julip. Julip. (aside) I wish I knew what to say. May. You're the—the—I don't know what to—to call you. (about to cry Julip. Dear me, how warm it is. I think I will open the window. (wipes face with handkerchief May. Please don't Jam—Mr. Tulip, I might catch cold—you might too, and you might get the consumption, then—then— Julip. (excitedly) What then my dear—Miss May? May. (sobs) Then—then—then you might d;e. Mj.y cries heartily—Julip puts his arm around, her waist, tries to take her hiinds from her face. Julip. Don't cry my darling, do you love me ? May. You know i do, James. Julip. (joyfully) Then don't cry May, and I'll— Enter Cesar, c. Cesar. Hab some dinner, sah ? (both start Julip. You black imp, why did you not knock bp^i -e coming in? Cesar. De door was wide open, an' how did I know you was huggin' Miss May. Haw, haw, haw ! Julip. Hush, or I'll break every bone in your body. I was'nt hugjing you. was I Miss May? May. No. Cesar, (picks a hair off of Julip's coat) You wasn't—dem is de kind of fedders what always tells. Julip. Hold your tongue you impudent scoundrel. Come May let's go to dinner. May. Didn't Aunty say we should wait for her? Cesar. BleS3 yer Miss May, de ole folks is in de dining room, deys do ones dat sent me for you. May. Well then we had better go. Julip. Here Cesar, don't say anything about—you know. (gives money Cesar. All right, boss, {exit May and Julip c.— Cesar laughs) Dat was better dan a side show, (sits and mimics Julip) Dat's the way he done it, (laughs) Don't say nuffin 'bout it. Hi golly, if I don't, I'll ^bust. Did'nt ♦legal turn red when she seed m°. Oh, no. he wasn't huggin' Miss May, oh, no. dem's innercent young folks, dey is. (Smith looks in door K. 2 H., sees Cesar, withdraws) De boss give me five dollars not to say nuffin. (takes out money) Wonder if it it's counterfeit, (laughs) Can't help but think of dem two innercent angels—"Dear Jame3, I'm yours," says she—"my dar¬ ling, my belubbed, I'm yours," says he. Whoop, dat's too much for dia 14 BLACK vs WHITE. nigger; must go and get my gal five cents vrorth of dem gum drops. (ris68) Oh, dem innercent young ducks, dey jest beat dis nigger all holler. (exit singing *'My gal, my gal." Enter Smith without disguise, seems very tired, throws himself in chair and wipes his face with sleeve. Smith. Well I swow, if that warn't the clarndesfc job I ever tackled, I'm so tired, I dunno what to do, (yawns) I'm getting sleepy, if I warn't afeard tl*e old folks would ketch me here, I'd take a nap. (yawns) I'll go to sleep anyhow—I don't keer. (i/aions and stretches) I'm gettin' wuss and wuss, believe I'll take a drink, (take bottle out of pocket, goes to drink, finds nothing in it, is astonished) That air's funny, I filled that about two houra ago and I know I didn't drink it. Wonder if it leaked out. (examines bottle Cesar. (aside) Ob course it leaked out—but it went down dis nigger's throat. Smith. I don't see any crack. (examining bottle Cesar, (aside) If you look whar do stopper goes in, you'll be mighty apt to see whar de leak am. Smith. Wall I gives it up—I'm gettin' awful sleepy, 'taint goin' to do anybody any harm if I take a little nap. I wonder whar that nigger is? -(sleepier) Wonder what time it is? Must be near dinner time, (yawns and dropw L (excitedly) What's the matter iny darling, I believe she's going to die—somebody run for the doctor— (kisses her MrsS. (revives) Oh, Mr. Dowd! (tries to get away, he prevents her Dowd. You shan't go till you've promised to be my wife. t Mrs S. I—I—prom—prom—ise. Dowd. And you '11 marry me ? MrsS. Yes. Dowd. (puts arm around her waist) Tell me what frightened you so. Mrs S. Oh, Charles, it was a great, ugly rat, and I am so afraid of rats I Dowd. I shall from this moment declare an endless peace with all rata and mice, and will never have one killed. , Enter Cesar, o. Cesar. 'Cept you find 'em stuck in de butter. Great land ob Moses! (Mrs. S/tarpe and Dowd, start) Who'd a thunk it! (Mrs. Sharp runs off u. Dowd approaches Cesar, reaches for him, he doiges) Didn't mera to ketch ye huggin' de ole gal, boss, neber would have corned in dis room if I had a knowed it, dat's de bressed truth, boss I Dowd. (hands him a bill) Don't say anything, Cesar I Cesar, (takes it) jSTo, sah, won't say a word, but boss, better not marry d at— Dowd. Why not, Cesar ? Cesar 'Kase she am jist like a ship. Dowd. How is that ? Cesar. De riggin' am a gwine to cost ye more'n the hull. (Dowd strikes at Cesar—he laughs, and dodge* Dowd. You're an impudent, fellow 1 Cesar. Can't help it, boss. I'm bound to tell de truth, if I bnrst. Dowd. All right, keep what you have seen, a secret. Cesar. All right, boss, I'm de one dat can keep a secret. Dowd. Mind that you don't say a word, then I (exit 0. Cesar Somebody can hit me wid a club I (langhs) De fust time, I kotchcd de young folks, de young boss gim'iue five dollars—de next time I kotched de ole folks, (laughs) deole boss gim'me ten dollars. Believe 1 '11 go into de business ob kotchin' de fellers a huggin' dar sweethearts, (laughs) Hi, golly I didn't de ole man look funny ? look like he was struck by light- nin'. Den de ole gal. (laughs) De next time deole boss talks sweet to her, I '11 bet dis ten dollar bill, he '11 keep a good watch on de back door, an' Smith rushes in l., followed by two or three books, which are thrown at him from outside. Cesar. Wha—wha—wha—whats de mitter wid yer, Yank ? Smith. I've done it—my siterwation aia't worth three shakea of a dead sheep's tail! Cesar. What yer been doin', Yank? Smith, (sees Cesar—aside) Here's that nigger, but I dasn't do anything to him on account of that tooth-pick he carries. Cesar. What's de matter wid yer, ain't gone crazy hab ye? Smith. If you had seen what I saw, you'd look like you were crazy too. Cesar If I had er seed what you seed, I'd look crazy. Spects now, if you'd seed what I seed, you'd be a loon, sure 'nufF. Smith. You never seed the ole man a tiuggin' the ole gal, you didn't! Cesar fairly yells—Smith looks at him in astonishment, Cesar tries to talk but cannot—Stnith catches the laugh—both laugh boisterously—Cesar takes hold of Smith. Cesar, Don't laugh, Yauk, do like me, don't laugh I (laughs loudly BLACK T3 WHITE. 17 Smith, t tell you what, it were funny. (laughs Cesar. 'Specta it was Smith. You jist ought to seed 'em, Cesar! Cesar. I'd er gibbed de world to seed 'em. (laughs, Smith holds Ms sides Smith. Don't commence again, Cesar, you Ml kill me. Cesar. Den I won't. Look a here, Yauk, I'm gwiue to tell ye a secret— mn't gib me away, will yer? Smilh. No, I won't! Cesar. Well den, I—I—I {laughs loudly Smith. Don't, Cesar, I'm nigh dead now. What is it you're goin' to tell ne ? Cesar. I seed theole man a—a—a— (laughs Smith. Did you now, did you ? Jerusa—lem ! (laughs Cesar. Yas—I—did—I seed de—ole man a huggin'—de ole— (holds his sides, and laughs heartily Smith. What! did you see'em ? (laughs Cesar. De ole—man was a—hug—huggin' de ole—gal right—in dis room. (both laugh Smith. (drops into a chair and wipes his eyes with his coat tail) I'll swar to gracious, I ain't lailed so much since 1 can remember. But, Cesar, can you sing ? Cesar. Yas, a little. Smith. Gimme a specimen of yer singin. Cesar. Look here, Yank, don't go for to call me any sich names as datl Smith. Why, I never called ye anything that I knows of. Cesar. Ye did ! ye called me a—a—a speckimen, ye did ! Smith. (laughs) Why, ye tarnal fool, I wanted ye to sing some song. Cesar. (jumps up excitedly—reaches for knife) Call me a fool, will yer I I don't 'low no long legged, slab-sided, lean, lank, hungry lookin' white man like you to call me a fool. Cesar starts towards Smith, who reaches in his pocket and draws out a large horse pistol, which he points at Cesar, who drops his knife. Smith. Hold on thar—stop whar you air, or this persuader '11 go off and Mow you inter the middle of next week. Cesar, {frightened) Put dat cannon up, it might go off, and I ain't no fit subject for the bone yard. Smith, {puts pistol in pocket.) I jest wanted to show you, I was fixed for you. Cesar. T was only funnin', Yank. Smith. So was I. Give us your song ! Cesar. I declare Yank, my thro.it is so dry dat I can't. (hand to throat Smith, (takes bottle from pocket) Here's something'11 wet your throat I Cesar, (takes bottle—drinks it all) I declar, but dat's good stuff! What —what's de matter wid yer, Yank—why don't yer sit still—Rah, fo' de fourth ob July, he am jes' as good a mau as de sebenteenth day ob St* Patrick's day in de mornin'* Rah ! Smith. Hush up, Cesar, don't be a fool! Cesar. I ain't no fool—hie—whar's de man—hie—calls me er—hie—fool —I'm ffwine to—hie—sing dat—hie—song. (sings Smith. Don't make such a noise, you,'11 have the whole house here. Ceaar. (very loud) i—hie—don't care—hie-hear dat—hie—Rah I Enter, Dowd, and Mrs. Sharpe, l., Julip and May, l. o. Dowd. (sees Cesar stagger up to Julip) Bless my soul, Cesar drunk! Smith, (aside) Now is the time to get even, (aloud) Yaas, Squire, I kum in here a while ago, and found him as you see him. Cesar, (to Julip) I neber—hie—told de—hie—young boss—hie—nuffin1, I—hie neber said a—hie—word. Julip. Why, what in the world are you talking about, Cesar? Cesar, i/ra. Sharpe) I say X — hie — neber told da ota<—fail BLACK 73 WlIITfi. —gal fauSla—hie—yer knows—bit—what I mean—hio—{she slaps him in the face) Did. yer see dem shootin' stars, boss ?—liic— Mrs S. Go away from me I (pushes him Cesar, (goes up to May) Don't mi ) 1 in*—I—hie—-neber said a—hie—— (Dowd catches hold of him,) Don't, boa, i—hie—neber told de ole man—hio —I seed you hug—hie—gin Dowd. (in a passion) Come here, James, Smith, everybody I come and help me put this infernal nigger in the street. (Smith rushes up Cesar. Don't do it, Yank! I neoer—hie—told de ole—hie—man dat yer told me yer—hie—seed him hug—hio Dowd. Here boys, bounce him I They catch him—he tries to sing—Dowd and Julip each take an arm,, Smith his feet, and mow R.) Smith, {as they exit) So much for Cesar, throw him in the first ditch I \e.xit MrsS. My dear neice, I never felt so mean in my life, juii 2 May. No, never. Mrs S. What is the matter with you ? May. Why, Aunty—you—know Mrs S. Ah, yes i When is the wedding to be? May. I don't know, that good-far nothing Cesar inte-ruj&Sii us. MrsS. Well, we'11 have a doable welding, Mr. Dowd'nd-3 asked ms to marry him, and I have said yes. May. Won't that be nice? Enter Dowd, and Julip, o. Julip. (crosses to May) Come, May, lei's take a walk I May. Very well. (Julip offers his arm to May, they exit L. Doted to 3£rs. fSharpe, they exit a.) Enter, Smith, a., wiping his face with a large red handkerchief. ' Smith. That thar nigger was the heaviest nigger for a little'un, I ever did see; seems to me he must have weighed over two hundred pounds. I wouldn't have had the kick the old man gin him, fer fifty dollars— Enter, Cesar, c. "Why, ha kicked him into the middle of the street. (Qw shakes Jist at Smith, takes coat off) Djn't reckon he'll come aiOviati hers c iim-Tj. Cesar. Yer don't, does yer? Smith. Why, Cesar, old boy, didn't think to see you so soon, shake hands- Cesar. Look here, white man, I'se gwine ter give yer the worst lickin* yer ever had I Smith. {feels for pistil, but it is gone—Ciszr diito) Go 'way, Cesar, I didn't do nothing ter you I Cesar. Yer neber done nuffa'to ma? Yer neber got me drunk ? | Smith. No, you got yourself drunk, you drinked all I had. Cesar. I don't keer, yer wa3 de cause ob all da trouble ; darfore yer '11 tab to suffer de consequences. {rushes at Smith, who stumbles over a chair Smith. Fire! Murder 1 Help! Characters all rush in a. Dowd. You black rascal, what do you mean by coming back into my house after what you have done? Cesar. I axes yer pardon, boss, an' de ladies'—but dar stands de man ^hat am de cause ob all de trouble ] May. Why, Cesar, he said he found you in here tipaej. Qewr, Did yer tell deae folks, dat yer found me in hero drunk 7 BLACK vs WHITE. 19 Omnta. Yes, he did! Cesar. (excited) Told I was drunk, did yer? now ye'II git it. (starts for Smith, who gets behind Dowd) Get out ob de way, boss, let me get at him ! Dowd. (catches Cesar—ladies scream) Be quiet, Cesar, don't you see you are alarming the ladies? Cesar. (trying to get loose) Can't help it, boss, I don't care fer nuffin' only to get my two hands on dat Yankee. Smith. Don't let him go, Mister Julip, hold him ! May. Now. Cesar, be quiet, that's a good fellow ! Cesar. But I ain't a good feller, I'm a bad feller I May. Why, Cesar 1 Cesar. Can't help it, Miss May, I'm Dowd. If you '11 be quiet, Cesar ; I'll give you your situation again. Cesar. De only situwation I wants now, is to be at dat Yankee (gets loose runs at Smith, who runs out c.) Great Julius Cesar! I neber was so mad afore. I neber would er got so mad, if he hadn't tole er lie on me 1 Omnes. Told a lie on you ? Cesar. Yas. Now, ladies, an'gents. I'11 tell yer all about it. Boss, yer tcow when I corned in here. (Dowd bows) Arter yer went out, dat feller come in, an' he axed me to sing, I tole him my throat was too dry to sing- den he pulled out a bottle an' tole me to take a drink, an' den May. Then what! Cesar. Den I took a drink, an' yer all knows what happened. Dowd. If that is the case, we will forgive him, won't we, ladies ? Malf' } Certainly. Cesar. Now, ladies an' gents, I has one question to axe yer. May. What is it, Cesar ? _ (goes to his l, Mrs S. Ask, and we will answer. (on his r. Julip. Hurry up, Cesar! (by May r>owd. What's the matter, Cesar ? (by Mrs. Sharpe. Cesar, (grins) Why am dis chile like a hunter's big horse when he comes back from a hunt in Mississippi ? (they appear to be thinking Julip. I can't think for the life of me. Mrs S. What is the answer, Cesar ? Dowd. I must confess your question quite staggers me, Cesar ? May. I am dying to know, Cesar? Cesar. 'Kase I has dears on eider side ob me. a, u Mrs. Sharpe and Dowd. Cesar. May and Julip. CURTAIN. To Oar Customers. Amateur companies frequently have trouble in procuring Plays well adapted to their wants, frequently ordering perhaps five dollars worth in single copies, before anything suitable can be found. All this can be done away with. Our catalogue embraces plays suitable for any and all companies, and if our friends will write to us, stating the re- quirments of their companies, there need be no trouble in this line, at least. If a tem- peranc society wants plays, we have something for them. If a company wants some¬ thing wnich is very funny, we can suit them, In fact we h ive dramas, farces, comedies and tragedies, which will suit you. Enclose 15 cents per copy for as many sample copies as you may need, and we guarantee to suit you, if you will state the size of your compa« nv. and whether best adapted to the serious or funuy. Give us a trial, at k-ast. " A. D. AMES, iJub., Clyde, Ohio. The Mashers Mashed. A Farce in Two Acts, by F. L. Cutler; 5 male and 2 female charac¬ ter. Time, thirty minutes; costumes modern. Amateurs will find this farce just the thing to please an audience. It is full of fun, caused by the mishaps of the "Two Mashers"—a warning to all young men who are inclined to make mashes. A capital farce, easy to put on; characters all good. Send for a copy. Price 15 Cents. A Border Drama in Four Acts by Minnie Poison; 6 male and 2 female characters. Time of performance 1-45. Costumes to suit ACT I. Scene 1st. Parlor in Mr. Evans' Western home—Mr. Evans and Bert Allen. Bert Allen goes in search of Mr. Evans' lost daughter. Scene 2d. Cabin at Devil's Camp. Interview between Jane, an old hag, and Jack Thorn—The quarrel—Wild Mab and "Down went McGinty"— Cold water and Jack Thorn do not agree. The threat—"Coward!" "Mab, for God's sake, don't shoot!" Sambo and the ghost. Jack attempts to shoot Sambo. Mab's pistol always ready to protect the helpless. Scene 3d. Night at the cabin. Arrival of Bert Allen. Thorn's intention to murder Allen. Mab warns Allen of his danger—"Dead men tell no tales !" Mab to the rescue. "Fly for your life, and the heart of Wild Mab goes with you!" Sambo makes his appearance—tableau. ACT II. Scene 1st. Wood Scene. Allen and Mab—The kiss. Mab's command and soliloquy—Mab overhears conversation between Jack Thorn and Pete Hart—Attempt to be made to trap Mab— Snmbo reveals to Mab how she came to be an inmate of Devil's Camp—she swears vengeance on Jack Thorn. Jack attempts to shoot Sambo. Mab's arrival—"Shoot him if you dare!" Scene 2d. Night in the woods. Sambo tells a little incident of his school days. Allen as Pat, who is going to help Pete trap Mab. Scene 2d. Cabin Mab and Jane. Jack's offer of marriage refused. The curse of Mab Evans—The abduction of Mab. ACT III. Scene 1st. Mab a prisoner. Jack unties her hands— Mab shows her temper. Pete and Mab—"Oh, merciful heaven, I have killed him !" Arrival of Pat and Sambo—Mab's flight—Pat and Sambo start for Mr. Evans' home. Scene 2d. Mab in the woods. Death of her horse. Continued flight. Sambo and Pat in pursuit. Scene 3d. Home of Mr. Evans. "Mab at home—Her plea for pro¬ tection—Father and daughter. Iler fears concerning Pete's death. Good news. A little plot. ACT IY. Scene 1st. Devil's camp. Trouble between Jack and Pete. Arrival of Mab and officers—Arrest of Jack, Jane and Pete. Scene 2d. Mab at home—Her heart disease. The letter. Pat throws off disguise. Mab's surprise—"Unconditional surrender!" Happy ending. characters. Price 15 Cents. SYNOPSIS. Love In _H.11 CornGrs. A Laughable Interlude in 1 Act and 1 Scene, by G. W. Douglas, for 5 male and 3 female characters. Costumes modern. Time in representation, 30 minutes. SYNOPSIS. The lovers. "Hush !" Till supper time. "Can't stay there any lrnger!"—Out goes the light—"Take it, then!"—Housed auain— Adieu—"By Jupiter!" "Yes, as I live." A mischievous hussy— "Am I awake?" "Can you forgive me?" "Are you going to tight?" "Why was I tempted out?" Asking Simon—A couple of cowards—"I saw two men coming toward us."—Tiie man under the table. "What's a groan?" Robbers in the hou?e—"You fool, why don't you speak?"—The one with the cocked hat. "We're gone, sure!" "Thieves! murder! help!" "Seven, I counted!" Quake does the backing—"Where do they get the brimstone" United again—'Tis here!""Let's sup and be merry '."Good night. Price 15c. A Professional Gardener; Or, Hard of Hearing. A Farce in one act, by Emma Herrick Weed; 4 male, 2 femals characters. Costumes, modern; time of performance, 20 minutes. This is an exceedingly good farce; a capital Irish character is Teddy Flynn, late of Cork. Mr. Tympanum, being hard of hear¬ ing, causes many ludicrus blunders to be made. Amateurs will ling no trouble in putting on this farce as not much scenery is needed. It is full of fun and will please an audience. All the characters are good. Don't fail to secure a copy. Price 15 Cents. iL Colonel's Mishap. A Farce-Comedy in one scene, bv Phillip Pinkopski, 5 male characters. Scene, Gents' Waiting-Room at Muskegan Depot. Trains late, as usual—evei\ybody in a rush. Mr. Barnes is in search of his daughter, who has eloped with Colonel Smitn; makes a mis¬ take in the Colonels, amusing and ludicrous scene. The Salvation Army Colonel meets with many mishaps. Everyone will appreciate this little farce, as "you know how it is yourself!" Characters are all good and it will prove a success with amateurs. Send tor copy. Price 15 Cents. PUHLICilTinNS OF THE National Bl SdIicdI Elocution 1| Dratnry. Child's Own Speaker. This book is adapted for children of five years of age and contains a collection of Recitations, Motion Songs, Concert Pieces, Dialogues and Tableaux, for the very little children of five years and thereabouts. 100 pieces attractively bound in paper, 15c ; boards, 25 cents. Little People's Speaker. Adapted to children of ten years of age, and suited to every occasion in which the little folks are called upon to take part. 100 pages, attractively bound, 15 cts; boards,25c. Young Folks' Recitations. Adapted to young people of fif¬ teen years, in Numbers 1 and 2, and contains Readings, Recitations, Dialogues and Tableaux. Paper binding, each number, 15c ; boards. 25 cents. Little People's Dialogues. Everything original and written specially for this book by Clara J. Denton for children of ten years of age. All the dialogues being prepared specially for this book in¬ sures for them a freshness seldom found in publications of this class. Handsomely engraved cover with 120 pages; paper binding, 25 cts. Young Folks' Dialogues. These dialogues are suited to voung people of fifteen years ot age, and are adapted to every form of pub¬ lic and private entertainment. Everything new and original in 120 pages, attract!wly bound. Paper binding, 25 cts; boards, 40c. Young Folks' Entertainments. These entertainments consist of Motion Songs, Charades, Tableaux, Dialogues, Concert Recita¬ tions, Motion Pieces, etc., by C. G. and L. J. Rook. Absolutely new and original. Bound in an appropriately engraved cover with 115 pages. Two pretty drills, for fan and tambourine, modeled after the famous broom brigade are great features in this work. Paper binding, 25 cents. My Country. An exercise for the celebration of the Fourth of July. This exercise, having for its basis the promotion of good citizenship, appeals to every boy and girl in America. It tells, by means of short recitations, songs, and action pieces, the history of the Union, and encourages loyalty to its Hag. The quotations to be learned are all so brief that no boy or girl of ten or fifteen need ex¬ perience any difficulty in committing them to memory. The eonga are written to national airs, already familiar to most schoolchildren. With these simple elements an exercise has been compiled, which Is at once varied, instructive and interesting. It may be performed in a school-room or hall; or out of doors, as a part of a picnic enter¬ tainment. It contains about thirty short prose extracts for recita¬ tion, some consisting of only a few words, from Washington, Adams, Madison, Webster, Everett, Lowell, and others; and three scenic pieces, consisting of songs and recitations in verse, representing: I. The Federation of the States; 2. Young America: 3. Our Adopted Citizens' Allegiance to the American Flag. The whola representation occupies about an hour'i time. Paper binding. Ift cents. Publications op National School op Elocution and Ora*obt. Holiday Entertainments. The book is made up of short Dramas, Dialogues, Tableaux, Stories, Recitations, containing fea¬ tures specially prepared for New Years, Washington's Birthday, Easter, Decoration Day, Fourth of July and Thanksgiving. Hand¬ somely engraved cover with 200 pages. Paper binding, 30 cts. Sunday School and Church Entertainments. The demand for works of this character lias not only been widespread but of long duration as well ; and it is seldom so many requests have been made for a work suitable for entertainments given by Sunday Schools and Churches. The contents are largely in the nature of Dialogues, Tableaux, Recitations, Concert Pieces, Motion Songs and Short Dramas, all based upon or illustrating some biblical truths. Paper binding with handsomely engraved cover, 30 cts. Choice Humor, for reading and recitation. Adapted for use in public and private. The latest and best book of humor published. Paper binding, 30 cts. Choice Dialect and Other Characterizations for Reading and Recitation. This volume contains a rare collection of choice dialect of every variety, covering a broad range of sentiment, and suited to almost every occasion. 200 pages with beautifully engraved cover, bound in paper for 30 cts. Choice Dialogues for School and Social Entertainment. En¬ tirely new and original. 12mo. Handsomely engraved cover with paper binding, 30 cts. How to Become a Public Speaker ; by William Pittenger, author of "Oratory," Extempore Speech," Etc. 12mo. Hand¬ somely engraved cover with paper binding, 30 cents. Reading as a Fine Art. By Ernest Legouve, of the Academie Francaise and translated from the Ninth Edition by Abby Langdon Alger. 16mo. Cloth, 50c. Classic Dialogues and Dramas. This book embraces scenes and dialogues selected with the greatest care from writings of the best dramatists. Handsomely engraved cover with paper binding, 30 cents. Humorous Dialogues and Dramas. The diiiogues are humor¬ ous without being coarse, and funny without being vulgar. Bound in paper, 30 cents. Oratory. By Rev. Henry Ward Beecher. The attention of all persons interested in the Art of Expression is invited to our new issue of Henry Ward Beecher's unique and masterly exposition of true oratory. Neatly bound in cloth, 40 cts. Extempore Speech.. How to acquire and practice it. By Wm. Pittenger, author of "Oratory," "How to become a public speaker," etc. A manual of the science and art of extemporaneous speech. Handsomely bound, $1.25. Illustrated Tableaux for Amateurs, by Martha Coles Welds. A new series of liv:ug pictures for Church, School and Parlor En¬ tertainments in two parts. This is by far the best collection of tableaux ever arranged for publication. Part I contains a general introduction (Platform, Dressing-Rooms, Frame, Lightning, Cur¬ tain Manager, Costumes, Announcements, Music, etc.), together with twelve Tableaux, accompanied with twelve full page illustra¬ tions. Part II contains twelve tableaux fully described, each being embelisbed with a full page illustration. Paper binding, 30 cts, gwriOrdMito Ames' Publishing Company, ow# All The Go ! All The Go I Something New! The An interesting and instructive game can be played by two-three or four persons. When four play they play partners. Just the thing to teach you to be quick at figures, as the sets are formed by adding the numbers on the cards. Largest number of sets win the game. Send for a box. You will derive much pleasure and amuse¬ ment in playing this new game. Price 25 Cents. YOU WANT IT! The Mascot Ink Eraser. With Full Directions for tlie small sum of 50 CENTS. Everyone who does any writing should have this 6raser. It takes Ink out quickly and effectually without coloring the whitest paper. Everyone is liable to make mistakes in writing and with this eraser your books or letters will not be blotted or word crossed out. Every book-keeper will find it a great benefit to him. In fact every one should keep it on his writing desk. Send in your order to By Geo. B. Chase. Enough to Last 1 TBar. Ames' Publishing Co Lock Box 152, Clyde, Ohio* a w cr o i kj ' Plays—cantinued. FARCBS ft COMEDIETTAS. 129 Aar-u-ag-nns <> -t 132 Actor and Servant f i 12 a Capital Match 4 o 30 A Bay Well bpent, *7 c 169 AReguiarFix -I f A'a™ingly Suspicious 4 3 •e An Awfi.l Criminal "3 q S? AnUnwelcome Return... 3 1 31 a Pet of the Public...!!;:;;;;;;;; i 2 il>J i Attachment 3 3 123 A Thrilling Iteui q i 20 A Ticket of Leave " 9 175 Betsey Baker 2 9 8 Better Half .* * o 86 Black vs. White 4 2 22 Captain Smith a s 84 Cheek Will Win 3 0 225 Cupids Capers 4 4 49 Der Two Surprises 1 1 72 De«ce is in Him "m 5 j 19 Did. Dream it " 4 3 42 Domestic Felicity " 1 1 18S Dutch Prize Fighter i"" 3 0 220 Dutchy vs. Nigger 3 0 148 Eh? W at Did You Say 3 1 218 Everybody Astonished 4 0 224 Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 1 233 Freezing a Mother-in-Law... 2 1 154 Fun in a Post Office 4 2 184 Family Discipline 0 1 274 Family Jars 5 2 209 Goose with the Golden Eggs- 5 3 13 Give Me My Wife 3 3 66 Hans, the Dutch J. P 3 1 271 Hans Brummel's Cafe 5 0 116 Hash 4 2 120 H. M. S. Plum I 1 103 How Sister Paxey got her Child B »ptized 2 1 50 How She has Own Way......... 1 3 140 How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 1 74 How to Tame M-in-Law 4 2 35 How Stout if our Getting 5 2 47 In the Wrong Box 3 0 95 In the Wrong Clothes 5 3 11 John Smith 5 3 99 Jumbo Jum - 4 3 82 Eilling Time 1 1 182 Kittie's Wedding Cake 1 3 127 Lick Skillet Wedding 2 2 228 Lauderbach's Little Surprise 3 0 -106 Lodgings for Two - 3 0 139 Matrimonial Bliss........... 1 1 231 Match for a Mother-in-Law.. 2 2 235 More Blunders than one 4 3 23 My Heart's i'ti Highlands 4 3 208 MyPreoifaa | * eh. J '">6 My Day and Now-a-Days 0 1 273 My Neighbor's Wife 3 3 I! Obedience 1 2 241 Old Clothes 3 0 33 On the Sly 3 2 246 Othello 4 1 57 Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 217 Patent Washing Machine—. 4 1 1(55 Persecuted Dutchman 6 3 195 Poor Pilicody 2 3 258 Prof.Bones'LatestInvention 5 0 159 Quiet Family 4 4 171 Rough Diamond 4 3 1K0 Ripples 2 0 207 Room 44 2 0 4oine Servants 3 Rooms to Let 2 School 5 Seeing Bosting 3 Sham Doctor 3 16,000 Years Ago 3 Sport with a Sportsman 2 Stage Struck Darkey 2 Struck by Lightning 2 Stocks Up, Stocks Down. — 2 That Boy Sam 3 That Awful Carpet Bag 3 The Select School 5 118 The Popcorn Man 3 1 6 The Studio 3 0 108 Those Awful Boys.. 5 0 4 Twain's Dodging 3 1 197 Tricks 5 2 198 Uncle Jelf 5 2 170 U. S. Mail 2 2 216 Vice Versa 3 1 206 Villkens and Dinah 4 1 210 Virgiltia Mummy... 6 1 203 AVho Stole the Chickens 1 1 205 William Tell 4 0 156 Wig-Maker and His Servants 3 0 GUIDE BOOKS. 17 Hints on Elocution. 130 Hints to Amateurs.. CANTATA. J15 On to Victory TABLEAUX. 250 Festival of Days PANTOMIME. 260 Cousin John's Album.. 4 6 MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS! - —* o PREPARED WOOL. PREPARED WOOL 13 j V ARTICLE THAT EVERY ONE, WITHOUT A V EXPERIENCE, CAN MA/' 2 INTO WIGS! BEARDS! MUSTACHES! ETC., ETC. AT VERY LITTLE CO;- T AND WILL BE SURE TO QIVE 8A 'HS FACTION. PRICE 50 CENTS PER OUNCE. Addrexs, AMES' PUBLISHING CO., LOCK BOX 152. CLYDJS, OHIO 3"i rG