DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY DURHAM, N. C. Rec'd ^7 '9^ Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2015 https://archive.org/details/correctthingingo01hall_0 FHE CORRECT THING VALUABLE and INSTRUCTIVE BOOKS By Weil-Known Writers THE CORRECT THING Cloth, 12mo, $1.75 A Hand-book of Good Manners By Flobencb Howe Hall SOCIAL CUSTOMS Cloth, 12mo, $1.75 A Complete Manual of American Etiquette By Florence Howe Hall A HAND-BOOK OF HOSPITALITY FOR TOWN AND COUNTRY Cloth, 12mo, $1.75 A subject of interest to every hostess By Florence Howe Hall MANNERS FOR BOYS AND GIRLS Cloth, 12mo, $1.75 An invaluable aid to parents in training their children By Florence Howe Hall LITTLE TALKS WITH MOTHERS OF LIT- TLE PEOPLE Cloth, 12mo, $1.50 A timely guide for the daily life of mother and child By Virginia Terhunb Van db Water MY BOY AND I Cloth, 12mo, $1.50 A discussion of the problems that confront the average mother of sons and daughters By Christine Terhune Hbrrick WOMAN'S CLUB WORK AND PROGRAMS Cloth, 12mo, $1.50 Unique and original, and of value to every Club Woman By Caroline French Benton THE COMPLETE CLUB BOOK FOR WOMEN Cloth. 12mo, $1.50 A eomplete encyclopedia for the club woman By Caroline French Benton THE PAGE COMPANY 53 Beacon Street, Boston, Mass. Copyright, igo2 By Dana Estes & Company All rights reserved Thirty-first Impression, August, 1921 Made in U.S.A. THE COLONIAL PRESS C. H. SIMONDS CO., BOSTON, U. S. A. ^ 7/ ' ' CONTENTS PAGE At the Writing - Desk. ., .12 In Invitations 24 When Making Calls 34 In Conversation 58 In Speech 64 In the Family Circle . . » . 74 At a Dinner 102 At Table 130 At a Dance .152 At Afternoon Tea or Reception . .168 At Luncheon .180 Qn Marriage - Engj^emjents] . . . 192 For a Wedding . . . . . .198 In Matters of Dress .... 222 In the Street 238„t' When Travelling ... » . .252 187369 Contents PAGE When Travelling in Street - Cars . . 268 In the Business World .... 272 In Shopping 282 In Mourning ...... 288 At a Club 302 At College 312 At a Coeducational College . . , 324 At School 326 At a Boarding- School .... 332 At a Woman's Club .... * 336 PREFACE FOURTEEN years have elapsed since the first edition of this little book was published. Dur- ing that time so many changes have taken place m manners and social customs, that a revision seems desirable. With the increase in the wealth of our country, has come increased expenditure by our people, show- ing itself in a more expensive style of living, and m greater show and circumstance on certam occasions. On the other hand, the taste of Americans has be- come more refined, and the vulgarity of ostentation is more generally recognized. Elegance of appoint- ment, decoration and service characterize modern entertainments, rather than the crude display of a somewhat rude plenty, and of heterogeneous though gorgeous ornamentation. In a word, quality is now sought for rather than quantity, and greater sim- plicity prevails in some directions. Indeed in a democratic country like our own. a dignified sim- plicity of life and manners seems especially appro- priate, and doubtless these are to be found all over our broad land. High thinking and plain living are still esteemed among us, despite the growth of luxury, lo ((Preface while modern physicians prescribe the latter {i.e. plain living), even to their most fashionable clients. Our increasing familiarity with the customs of the older world, as well as the scientific tendency of the times, makes us more inclined to do all things " ex- actly and in order." Hence we place an increased value on etiquette or the observance of proper forms. It is to be feared that the manners of Americans in public places are not improving in all respects. Owing doubtless to a misunderstanding on the part of men, of the views and aims of the new woman, as she is called, and perhaps to a display of too great energy and self-confidence on her part, there is per- ceptible in some of our cities a tendency to treat the fair sex with diminished courtesy. Our American men are at heart so generous toward women, and therefore so chivalrous in the best sense of the word, that we may trust to time and a better mutual understanding, to overcome the friction consequent upon the changed position of woman. The author has revised " The Correct Thing" with much care, giving new customs and fashions, while not necessarily condemning the old. It is her hope and belief that the book will be of use to many of her countrymen and countrywomen. The Author of Social Customs. BREVITY is the soul of wit ; but a soul cannot do without a body in our mortal world. If therefore, in this brief treatise matters are so con- densed that he who runs (or rides) may read, it must evidently be with the understanding that the reader shall give the body of his own intelligence to the soul of these short sentences. Condensation is often im- portant for convenience in carrying with us material for future expansion. In the little work here offered, it has been attempted on this ground. The result sought will not be attained unless those who may take the book in hand shall themselves supply the expanding force of sympathy and intelligent appre- hension, reading between the lines, and even across ihe page, since neither the positive nor the negative statements are complete in themselves, each neediiig the complement of its opposite. 12 Z^e Cotmt €^inQ It is the Correct Thing To use good jet-black ink. To use handsome, thick, plain white paper. Many smart people now use, for ordinary corre- spondence, granite paper ; for formal notes, fine delicate bond paper, or linen, in white, or in any very delicate color, such as very pale gray, with silver address or monogram. To fold and direct a letter neatly, and to put on the stamp evenly, and in the proper corner. To put on as many stamps as the weight of the letter or parcel demands. For the autograph fiend to enclose a stamped and directed envelope when writing to his in- tended victim. To enclose a stamp when writing to a stranger on your own business. To use sealing-wax, if you know how to make a fair and handsome seal. According to a recent fashion, to address an envelope to a married lady, " Mrs. Seward, Care of Theodore Seward, Esq." It is not the Correct Thing To use pale or colored ink. To use ruled note-paper, except for business communications. To use note-paper of bright, variegated, or very dark colors, or envelopes of eccentric shape. To use a monogram or other device on an envelope. To use stamped or yellow envelopes, except for familiar or business correspondence. To mail a letter without a stamp on it. To use sealing-wax if you don't know how, or if you have not time to make the seal carefully. To make a seal with a thimble or other mis- cellaneous object not intended for the purpose. To direct an envelope wrong side up. To use postal cards for private correspond- ence. To write only the first letters of a word, and to represent the remainder by a series of unin- telligible loops or runs. 14 Comet t^inq It is the Correct Thing To fold a letter right-side up, so that the person who receives it will not be obliged to turn it, after taking it out of the envelope, before he can read it. To use postal cards for ordinary business communication s. To use black-edged note-paper when one is in mourning. To write legibly. To write straight. To spell correctly. To write numbers, dates, and proper names with especial care and distinctness. To date a letter at the beginning, on the right- hand side, and a note at the end on the left- hand. To use both the day of the week and that of the month when dating a letter, and in a busi- ness communication to give the year also. To use a monogram or device on note-paper, either with or without the address. It is not the Correct Thing To write a dunning, threatening, or faultfind- ing communication on a postal card. To cultivate a clerklike or commercial hand, except for business correspondence. To write a business communication on a postal card, where it may annoy the recipient to have his business or occupation thus publicly set forth. To write in hieroglyphics. To write up hill and down dale. . To use a great number of flourishes. Tc imitate the handwriting of another person to such a degree as to lose the original character of one's own. To sign a letter with a nickname, — such as "Mamie," "Bessy," etc., — unless when writing to an intimate friend. To sign a friendly letter, written to an equal, ^ Your obedient servant," or " Yours respect- fully." To underline or accent words frequently. 1 6 Comet €^im It is the Correct Thing To have one's address engraved at the top of one's note or letter paper, using colored or embossed white letters for ordinary correspond- ence, gold and silver for formal notes. To give one's full address when writing to a person who does not know it, and from whom an answer is desired. To sign a letter with the full name, or with the last name and initials. For a lady to sign her last name and initials, instead of her Christian name, when writing to a comparative stranger, to a younger person, to a servant, or when writing on business. To sign a business letter, "Your obedient servant," ' "Yours very truly," "Yours very sin- cerely," " Yours respectfully," or " Yours truly." ' " Your obedient servant " is now little used in this country save in official letters, when the signature would be, in writing to the President of the United States, for instance, " I have the honour to remain your most obedient servant." 17 It is not the Correct Thing To write " My Dear Sir." It should be " My dear Sir," or " Dear Sir." To abbreviate words. " And " should never be written "&," nor "which" " wh," etc. To use slang. To say, " I take my pen in hand." To sign a letter, "Very Sincerely, Sarah Jones," omitting the " Yours." To begin the first sentence of a letter or note with a small letter. To cross a letter. It is inexcusable to do so, when postage and paper are both so cheap. To write in haste where one can possibly avoid it, unless to intimate friends. Besides the liabil- ity to make mistakes or to express one's meaning imperfectly, haste implies a lack of formality, and therefore of respect for one's correspondent. To use figures to express quantities, as " 4 quarts." To write a letter in the third person, and sign it in the first. 1 8 t^c Correct Z^tn§ It is the Correct Thing To sign a letter to a superior, " Yours respect- fully." To avoid beginning a letter with the pro- noun "I." For ladies to write a large, free hand, accord- ing to the present fashion. To preface a business letter with the name and address of your correspondent. To make the signature correspond with the general tone of the letter; that is, to sign a formal letter in a formal but courteous manner, and a friendly or affectionate letter in a friendly manner. To use figures for giving dates or the numbei: of a house or street.' To direct a letter to a married lady with her husband's full name, or last name and initials. ' Custom now sanctions writing out in full the day of the month, when dating a letter, as " January thirteenth," though it is by no means obligatory to do so. The numbered streets are now written in letters — as Twelfth Street. 19 It is not the Correct Thing To write anonymous letters, even with a good intention. It is considered very cowardly to do so. For those who do not belong to the Society of Quakers or Friends, to begin a letter " Dear Friend," instead of " Dear Sir," or " Dear Mr. Jones." To use " he," " she," etc., first for one person, and then for another, in the same sentence. To put the most important part of a letter in the postscript. To write the number of the year in full, as " Nineteen hundred and blank," since this seems affected and exaggerated. To direct a letter to a married lady, using her own name or initials. For a married lady, in a business correspond- ence, to omit to give, in each letter, her husband's initials, and take offense when she is addressed according to her signature. 20 Z^t Correct ^^tng It is the Correct Thing To address a letter to a clergyman, " Rev. Simeon Dix," and to a doctor of divinity, " Rev. Thomas King, D. D.," to a bishop, " Right Rev. Silas Linworth, D. D.," to a judge, membei- of Congress, mayor of a city, or member of a State legislature, " Hon. Montclair Smith," and in the case of a member of Congress, to add M. C. after the name. To write "Rev. and Mrs. T. J. Sawyer," or " Dr. and Mrs. Paul Jones." To write " Esq." after a gentleman's name when addressing any letter except a note of invitation, and when he has no other title. To remember that a written communication is necessarily more formal than a verbal one, and therefore must be uniformly courteous, and should rarely contain jokes or personal allusions which might be misconstrued. To write " Please address Mrs. or Miss J. T." where it is desirable to let your correspondent know by what title to address you. 21 It is not the Correct Thing To address a letter to a bishop Bishop Pot- ter," or to a doctor of divinity " Dr. Clarke." To address an army or navy officer by the title belonging to a lower grade than his own. To write when angry, or to write threatening letters, thus getting one's self into much trouble, and perhaps incurring lawsuits. To write " Mrs. Rev. Thomas Sawyer," or "Mrs. Dr. Paul Jones," or ''Margaret Deland," omitting " Mrs." To write long letters, save possibly to intimate friends. To write familiarly to persons whom one does not know well, to one's elders, or to those who occupy a high position. To write a letter, and say nothing in it. To grumble or find fault on paper. To sign one's name with any title prefixed, as Mrs.," " Miss," " Mr.," etc. 22 Comet t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To answer ail letters promptly. To remember that "the written word remains," and therefore to write with due caution and clearness. To be concise, but never curt. To remember that the adoption of a courteous and dignified tone shows greater self-respect than would the assumption of an undue famil- iarity. To avoid egotism on paper, as elsewhere. To read over letters before sending them off. To write to a friend or hostess after making a visit at her house, thanking her for her hos- pitality. In addressing a business communication to a writer, business or professional woman, to use her own name, instead of her husband's, when she herself uses it in business. 23 It is not the Correct Thing To omit to leave a margin on the left side, when writing a business letter, especially if it is to a person of the old school. To write Present," Addressed," " Kindness of Mr. Grimes." or Favored by Mr. Jones," on a letter which is to be delivered by a private messenger. These superscriptions are going rapidly out of fashion, though still used by some people. To write long letters to prominent people upon whose valuable time one has no just claim, ask- ing them a variety of questions, or requesting an autograph copy of a poem. 24 Cotuct $gmg It is the Correct Thing To send out all the invitations for an entertain- ment at the same time, as nearly as it is possible to do so, and to send them out in good season. To issue invitations for a large dinner in the gay season, a month, for a large reception or ball, three weeks beforehand, in a large city. To use plain cards or note paper, engraved in plain script ^ for any large or formal occasion, such as a reception, ball, dinner, etc. To invite guests to a luncheon or dinner by means of written invitations, if one prefer to do so. To write a note of invitation with great care, on rather small plain white paper of the best quality, and to pay special attention to spacing and dividing the words correctly. Thus " Dr. and Mrs. L. B. Fox " must all be written on the same line. To write " Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the pleasure of Mr. Z. K.'s company." * Old English and Roman letters have once more come into fashion. 3n 3ni?tfafton5 It is not the Correct Thing To invite any one, save an intimate friend, at the eleventh hour. If a dinner-guest disappoint you at the last moment, no one will be compli- mented by an invitation given merely to fill a vacant place. To issue invitations for an entertainment at such a late hour that the guests will receive them after they have made other arrangements for the day named, or perhaps after the entertainment :s over. To invite some guests in good season, and others at the eleventh hour. In this case the latter will feel themselves insulted rather than complimented by the invitation. To use the phrase " presents his compliments," although some people still use it. To write Mrs. T. H. Johnson requests the pleasure of y(r4r company." 26 t^t Comcf $5tng It is the Correct Thing For a bachelor to " request the honor " in in- vitations addressed to ladies, or he may " request the pleasure." To invite in the name of the hostess alone, except for weddings or dinner-parties/ To invite in the names of both host and hostess for a wedding or a dinner-party. For a young lady who is no longer very young to issue invitations for a tea. For a widower to issue invitations fof recep- tions and dinners in his own name and that of his eldest daughter, if she has been for some years in society, or in his own name alone. In accordance with the new custom, to send invitations through the post-office, if one prefer to do so, in which case they should be enclosed in two envelopes. ' Invitations to an evening reception^ or to a dance given in a public hall, should also be sent in the name both host and hostess. 3n Snutfafions 27 It is not the Correct Thing For a bachelor to issue At Home " cards. To issue invitations for a wedding or a dinner in the name of the hostess alone. For a very young lady to issue invitations in her own name. For a young lady to invite gentlemen in her own name, instead of saying that she writes at the request of her mother or chaperone. To send dinner-invitations by post ; ^ some persons still send all invitations by private hand. To address a note of invitation to " Mrs. T. L. James and family" although it is sometimes done. The form is an undesirable one, and should be avoided if possible. * It is becoming more and more the custom to use the post, even for dinner-invitations. 28 t^t Correct t^inq It is the Correct Thing To use the word ball " for a public or sub' scription ball. To address an invitation or other letter which is to be delivered by a private hand, with the number of the house and the name of the street, but not with that of the city or town. To write " R. s. v. p." ' below an invitation, where an answer is especially desired. The English use the phrase " The favor of an answer is requested." To send general invitations — that is, invita^ tions to large general occasions, weddings, etc. — to persons in mourning. Such invitations are sent by way of compliment merely. To answer an invitation to a dinner or a formal luncheon at once, and to accept or refuse it defi- nitely. To answer all invitations, save " At Home " or wedding-cards, promptly. * It is said that the use of these initials is going some- what out of fashion. 3n 3ni?ifaf{ons 29 It is not the Correct Thing To use the word '-ball in invitations to an entertainment given by a private individual, To address an invitation to ■■ Miss " or " Mrs. Smith and escort." To address an invitation to a gentleman and his wife or fiancee, " Mr. Peters and lady'' To write '• R. s. v. p."' on an invitation to dinner, or on an At Home card. To send invitations to a household within a month after a death has occurred in it. To send invitations to dinners or luncheons to people who are in real affliction and in deep mourning. To answer " At Home " cards or invitations to afternoon teas, unless an answer is requested, To answer an invitation to a wedding-reception, unless requested to do so. or unless it is to be a very small occasion. 30 S:^e Correct €^im It is the Correct Thing To accept a first invitation whenever it is possible to do so. For people in deep mourning to refuse an in- vitation without giving a reason, and also to send their visiting-cards, with a black border, on the day of the entertainment, thus showing the reason of their refusal. To accept or regret your inability to do so, in the present tense. To use the phrase " regrets extremely that a previous engagement must deprive him of the pleasure of accepting," or " that absence from the city must prevent his accepting," etc. To direct an answer to an invitation to the person or persons in whose name it is given, whether you know them or not If a person is unable, through illness, a death in the family, or any other sufficiently serious cause, to keep a dinner-engagement, to write at once or telegraph to the giver of the entertain- ment. 3n 3ni){faf{ons 3^ It is not the Correct Thing To answer an invitation to a dinner, a formal luncheon, breakfast, or supper, in a doubtful or hesitating manner. To refuse an invitation without giving a rea- son for doing so. To write will accept " or " unll prevent his accepting." To use the words ''avail'' or '''preclude" in answering an invitation. To " decline" an invitation.^ To abbreviate in writing or answering an invitation. To send an answer to an invitation to the mem- ber of a family whom you know, when it was written in the name of some other member. To leave out the day, or for a dinner or lunch the hour, in answering an invitation, since a mis- take might thus arise. * It is sometimes done, at the present time, althougb die older form " unable to accept " is more courteous. 32 Correct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing In sending invitations to an entire family, to address one to the husband and wife, one to the daughter or daughters, and a third to the brother or brothers. To direct notes of invitation to " Mr. B. J." To write " Miss Brown and brother, " although most gentlemen, especially if they have been in society for some years, prefer to have a separate note of invitation sent to them. Where there are several brothers living together, to address one invitation to them collectively, as " The Messrs. Smith," or to address one to each of them, the latter method being preferred, at the present time. To send a separate invitation, addressed to his residence or club, to a young gentleman who lives in the same city with his parents, but not in the same house. To answer all invitations courteously and with due formality, making the answer correspond with the form of the invitation. To invite one unmarried member of a family without the rest, to a dinner or a luncheon. 3n 3n>?tfafion0 33 It is not the Correct Thing To answer a note of invitation on business- paper. To send a verbal answer to a written invitation. To direct a note of invitation to " B. J., Esq." To write " Misses Brown and Brothers " on an invitation. To send a separate invitation to every member of a large family, where there are a number of brothers and sisters. It would look ostentatious to do so. To answer an invitation on a visiting-card, or to write " regrets " on one. To invite a gentleman without his wife, or a lady without her husband, unless it be to an entertainment where gentlemen alone or ladies alone are invited. To invite one member of a family only, to a large reception, where a visiting acquaintance exists between the two families. 34 Cotncf t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To use perfectly plain visiting-cards, of fine pasteboard, engraved in plain script.^ In an emergency, if obliged to use a written visiting-card, to write one's name with pencil, rather than with pen and ink, since the use of the latter would seem to imply deliberate purpose. For a gentleman to use a smaller card than a lady, and one narrower in proportion to its length. For a gentleman to prefix " Mr." to his name on a visiting-card. For an officer in the army or navy, a physician, a judge, or a minister of the gospel to use his title on a visiting-card. To use the full name on a visiting-card, as " Mrs. Joel Cotton Smith," " Miss Clara Howard Jameson." For a lady to prefix " Mrs." or " Miss," as the case may be, to her name on a visiting-card. * Old English and Roman letters have again come into fashion, after a long period of disuse. W^en (Staging Caffs 35 It is not the Correct Thing To use glazed or enamelled visiting-cards. To use cards with any fancy device upon them, cards of irregular shape, or those with a border of any sort, — such as an embossed border or a gilt edge. To use visiting-cards that are printed or written by hand, instead of engraved. To use militia or other complimentary titles on a visiting-card. To use a nickname on a visiting-card, as " Miss Hatty Jones," " Mr. Tom Bridges." For an American citizen to use a coat-of-arms on a visiting-card. For a married man to have his address en- graved on his personal cards, left in connection with the joint card of his wife and himself. For a lady to have her name engraved *' Mary Brown," without any prefix. 36 t^c^ Coxuct t^itxQ It is the Correct Thing For a married lady to use her husband's full name or last name and initials. For a gentleman, a married lady, or a young lady who has been for some time in society, to have his, or her, address engraved on a visiting- card. For a married couple to have a card engraved "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" to be used fol formal visiting. For a young or single gentleman to put the* name of his club on his card, rather than his own residence, if more convenient or agreeable" to do so. For a widow to use either her husband's or her own initials or name on her card. She has no legal right to use the former, but public senti- ment is in favor of allowing her to do so. For residents in a small suburban town to put the name of it on their cards, where these are to be used in a neighboring city, in order to avoid confusion. T»^en (Stafting Caffs 37 It is not the Correct Thing For a married lady to use her own Christian name or her own initials on a visiting-card. To put a college degree on a visiting-card as A. B." "Ph. D.," etc. For a single woman who is a physician to have ^'Mary Brown, M. D." instead of "Dr. Mary Brown" on her visiting-card, although it is sometimes done. For a very young lady to have her address on a visiting-card. For the wife of a younger brother or of a younger member of a family to put " Mrs. Sum- ner" on her visiting-card. By doing so, she usurps a title which belongs only to the wife of the head of a family, or to a lady whose position is so distinguished that she can afford to dis- pense with initials. To have the name of a city or town engraved Dn a visiting-card. 38 Z^c Cottut t^im It is the Correct Thing For a lady to have her reception-day engraved in the left-hand corner of the card. For a widow to use a card with " Mrs. John Smith, Sen.," on it, where she has a daughter-in- law who is also " Mrs. John Smith." For the eldest single woman belonging to the eldest branch of a family to use " Miss Esmond " on her card, or for the eldest daughter of a younger branch to do so, where there are no single women in the older branch. For a lady very prominent in society, or for the wife or widow of the eldest brother of a welL known family, to put simply " Mrs. Winthrop " on her card. For a young lady to have her name engraved below that of her mother on the same card ; as, — . Mrs. Leonard Smith, Miss Smith. For husband and wife to have each a separate visiting-card in addition to their joint card. It is not the Correct Thing For the widow of Mr. John Smith to use a card with " Mrs. John Smith " on it, where she has a, daughter-in-law who is also " Mrs. John Smith." For a single lady belonging to a cadet branch of a family to put " Miss Esmond " on her card, where there are single ladies in the older branches also. For a f oung lady to leave her own card with- out that of her mother or chaperone, when making formal calls during her first year in society. Ac- cording to strict etiquette, she does not need a separate card of her own during that time. 40 Correct Z^irtQ It is the Correct Thing For a woman who is an ordained minister to have " Rev. Clara M. Scott " engraved on hei card, instead of " Miss Scott." For a lady to leave her husband's cards, and those of her sons and daughters, in making the first call of the season.^ For a lady to leave her husband's cards, as well as her own, after a dinner-party. For a lady to leave two cards of her own, and two of her husband's, when calling at a house where there is more than one lady. For a lady to leave two of her husband's cards, when calling upon another married lady, — one for the latter, and one for her husband. For a lady to send up her card when calling upon a stranger. ' According to the latest usage, for a lady, in making a formal call, to leave one card <'Mr. and Mrs. Smith" for the lady of the house, a second of the same sort, if there are daughters or other ladies in the house, a card of her husband's, " Mr. Smith," for the lady of the house, and a second for the latter's husband. W^en (glagmg Caffs 41 It is not the Correct Thing For a lady to leave two of her own cards when calling upon one lady. For a lady to leave more than three of her own cards at one house. For a lady to send up her card when calling on some one whom she already knows, instead of leaving it on the hall-table and sending up her name. It is constantly done, however, since few servants in this country are sufficiently well trained to remember the names of visitors, even for a few moments. 42 ^^e Comcf Z^inc^ It is the Correct Thing For a lady to leave two cards in calling upon a mother with several grown-up daughters, — one for the mother, and one for the daughters. When calling for the first time upon several ladies (who are not mother and daughters), to leave a card for each. For a lady, if admitted to make a call, to leave the cards of the gentlemen of her family on the hall-table. When calling upon a guest, to leave a card for the hostess also. To write on a card the name of the person for whom it is intended, when leaving cards at a large hotel, in order to prevent the possibiUty of a mistake. To call on a lady's regular reception-day ; that is to say, where she has a fixed day throughout the season for receiving visitors. For a married lady to leave two of her hus- band's cards, when a gentleman is a member of the household where she is calling. T3?0en (Wafting; Caffs 43 It is not the Correct Thing To hand one's card to the hostess. To call upon a guest without calling upon the lady of the house a)so, or at least leaving a card foi her. To write on a card the name of the person for whom it is intended, when calling at a private residence. To leave cards at the door on a lady's regular weekly receptior-day, without going in or asking to see her. For a person not especially invited to call on any one of a series of reception-days for which a lady has sent out special cards. 44 Comet t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To leave cards, without turning down either corners or ends. To leave or send cards on the day of a recep- tion to which one has been invited, but is unable to go on account of mourning, illness in the family, etc. To call within a week, and in person, after a dinner to which one has been invited. To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been invited. ' To show lenience toward young mothers with large families of little children, literary women, artists, and other professional women, as well as toward business men, if they fail to call as promptly or as frequently as strict etiquette would demand. ' Some ladies living in New York now drive to the door and leave cards, without asking whether the hostess is at home, except after an invitation to dinner or luncheon^ or other " sit down " affair, which calls for a persona? visit. 'tSi^in 3n.a8mg Caffs 45 It is not the Correct Thing To leave cards bent up at one end, or turned down at the corners. It is no longer the fashion to do so. To send cards by mail after an invitation to dinner, or to omit to call promptly and in person. To omit calling or sending cards within a month after an entertainment to which one has been invited. In the opinion of many persons, to omit to call in person after any entertainment save an afternoon tea. For a young lady without special occupation, or for other persons of leisure, to neglect making the calls which custom prescribes. To make a practice of attending entertain- ments, and omitting to call afterward. 46 Comet €^inQ It is the Correct Thing For a lady, if admitted to make a call, to leave her card on the hall-table, and send her name up by the servant. Where one resides in a large city, to pay formal visits at least once a year, and in person if possible, upon all one's circle of visiting ac- quaintance, and to make additional calls where invitations are received. To give one or more receptions where one is unable to pay general calls. To enclose cards when inviting a new acquaint- ance upon whom one has never called, although it is better, — To call before sending out such an invitation. To call, after an engagement has been an- nounced, or a marriage has taken place, in the family of an acquaintance. For persons who are not intimate friends, to make inquiries at the door without asking for admission, and to leave cards for those who are in a£Biction, Wpen (Staging Caffs 47 It is not the Correct Thing To take offence where an acquaintance has omitted to call, but has sent an invitation, since it is a much greater compliment to invite a person to one's house, than it would be merely to make a call upon her. To pay formal calls in the morning. To wear a bicycle skirt, when paying formal calls. To call upon any one at an hour when he or she is usually engaged in household duties or in business or other vocations. To omit to call or send cards, after one has been invited to a wedding, or has received the announcement of one. For ordinary acquaintances to ask to see people who are in affliction, instead of simply leaving their cards and making " kind inquiries " at the door. 48 Zl^t Cotxtct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To use a card with a black border when one is in mourning. To answer cards of condolence by enclosing mourning-cards in an envelope, and sending them to people who have called, after a proper lapse of time. To call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a prolonged absence in Europe or elsewhere. For the person who has been absent to make the first call, if she prefer to do so. To go in to the lunch-table if the friend upon whom you are calling give you a cordial invita- tion to do so, or else to take your leave at once, in order that you may not play the part of dog in the manger. After a removal from one part of a city to another, to send out cards with one's new address upon them. This is now the castom in New York, but would of course be uu»^««*sary in a small city. Or^en (Slaving Caffg 49 It is not the Correct Thing To make formal calls when one is in deep mourning. To call early in the morning, late in the even- ing, or at any other unusual hour. io call at the lunch or dinner hour, unless specially invited to do so. When making a formal call, to say that you will wait until the person upon whom you are calling has finished dinner or lunch. For people who live at a distance from a city or town to expect the dwellers therein to come out to the country regularly for the purpose of making calls. 50 t^c Comet It is the Correct Thing To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where one is living, or making a visit, and to adhere to those hours. These are usually between three and six o'clock in large cities. Gentlemen call after five o'clock on their way home from business, in the evening, or on Sunday afternoon. To leave, or send by mail, cards with P. p. c, on them {Pour prendre co7ige, "to take one's leave") when one is about to leave a place either permanently or for quite a length of time. To send cards by mail C or by a messenger), to arrive on the day of the entertainment, where one is unable to attend an afternoon tea, recep- tion, or wedding, to which one has received an invitation. To send cards by mail, in lieu of making a personal visit, to acquaintances who live in a neighbouring town or suburb which is situated at such a distance as to render it inconvenient to make calls there. nr^en (Btagtn^ €affe 51 It is not the Correct Thing To write "P. P. CV instead of "P. p. c," since capitalization is now used much less than formerly. To take no notice of cards for receptions, afternoon teas, etc. A person who fails to make his appearance at one of these occasions, to which he has been invited, and who also fails to call or send cards afterward, will naturally be considered as rude or culpably careless. To go to every one of a series of receptions for which one* has received cards. This is not allowable, except for intimate friends. 52 Z^c Cotmf t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing For the older residents in a city or street to call first upon the new-comers to their neigh- borhood. To return a first call within a week, and in person. To call promptly and in person after a first invitation. To make the first call upon people in a higher social position if one is asked to do so, or if they are new-comers. For the caller who arrived first to leave first. For a gentleman to ask for the lady of the house as well as for the young ladies, and to leave cards for her as well as for the gentlemen of the family. To leave one's card on the hall-table, or to place it on a salver in the hands of the servant, when one attends an afternoon tea or reception. Cards thus left are intended to remind the hostess of the names of the visitors who have attended her reception. W^en ®taSmg Caffs 53 It is not the Correct Thing For one resident of a city or town to call upon another (not a new-comer) unless she has reason to suppose that her visit will be agreeable, or unless her social position is such that she con- fers a favor by the call. To return a first call by sending cards, or to return it tardily. In either case the lady who has made the first visit will feel that her friendly overtures have not been met in the proper spirit, and will infer that her acquaintance is not desired. Under ordinary circumstances, to call first upon people in a higher social position than one's own. For a gentleman to ask for the young ladies only, when making a formal call. For two gentlemen to endeavor to "sit each t>ther out." 54 Conut $5incj It is the Correct Thing For the mother or chaperone to invite a gentlq man to call. For a gentleman to call upon a lady if shi, have invited him to do so, if he bring a letter oC introduction, or if an intimate friend of the bouse introduce him. To make informal or friendly calls in th«? morning. For a gentleman to leave his umbrella, over^ coat, and rubbers in the hall, but to bring his hat and cane into the drawing-room when making a morning call, and to keep them in his hand, or lay them on the floor beside him. Such was the old rule ; but the hat and cane are now usually left in the hall. For a lady to rise from her seat when visitors enter, and cross the room if she wish to do so. The latter is not imperative, however. For a visitor who has already made a call of sufficient length, to take his leave soon after the arrival of a second visitor. n»5en (Staging Caffs 55 It is not the Correct Thing For a very young lady to invite a gentleman to call upon her. For a gentleman to call upon a lady unless he has first received permission to do so. To forget to wipe one's feet thoroughly on the door-mat. For a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the drawing-room. For a gentleman to deposit his hat or cane on > a chair or table in the drawing-room. For a lady to pay great attention to some of her guests, and to neglect others. For a gentleman, when making a call, to enter the drawing-room without removing his gloves, or at least the right one. For a hostess to accompany a gentleman to the door, or bring him his hat or cane. 56 Z^c Correct t^iriQ It is the Correct Thing For a hostess to accompany a lady to the door if she wish to do so, although this custom is fall- ing into desuetude. In a house where several servants are kept, for the lady of the house to ring the bell, on the departure of a visitor, in order that one of the servants shall open the door for him. This should always be done where a man-servant is employed. To remain about ten or fifteen minutes wher making a formal call. W5^n (gtaStng Caffs 57 It is not the Correct Thing For a hostess to go to the door with one visitor, to the neglect of those ^vho remain. For a servant to leave a guest waiting in the drawing-room, without returning to say that her mistress will receive the caller. For a servant to permit a gentleman to enter the drawing-room, where members of the family are sitting, without announcing him. For a visitor to take his departure at the very moment when another is announced. To make a formal call of more than twenty minutes or half an hour's length. 58 Comet t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To remember that brevity is the soul of wit. To remember the ancient mariner, and avoid his ways. To talk in such a way as to amuse or enter- tain one's interlocutor, or better still, so that both parties may be amused or instructed, as the case may be. To avoid repetition in the matter of story- telling, personal reminiscences, and the like, repeating, like the newspapers, only once in ten years. To make the topic suit the time and place, avoiding sermons in ballrooms, and political or religious discussions in mixed assemblies. To sustain one's fair share of the burden of conversation, and to start new topics when the old ones become worn, or grow personal. To remember that every other parent con- siders that his children are prodigies also, and therefore will resent the claims to extraordinary genius made in behalf of your infant phenomenon. 3n Conijersatton 59 It is not the Correct Thing To try to shine too brilliantly. To talk too much. To be curt, brusque, or abrupt. To talk in order to show how good, clever, superior, or fashionable one is, or how much one knows. To talk constantly about money or other material things. To boast of one's rich friends, or worse still, of one's own wealth. To talk constantly about economizing or mak- ing bargains, or to speak of one's own poverty, particularly where it does not exist. To allow one's attention to wander while another person is speaking ; one thus appears un- civil, and wounds the vanity or the feelings of one's interlocutor. To repeat to Jones what Smith has said about him, unless it be something very complimentary. Much mischief results from the breaking of this rule. 6o Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To remember that the agreeable man is he who can and will listen attentively, intelligently, and sympathetically. To remember that it is better to be agreeable than to talk about one's own affairs. To think before you speak. To wait until another person has finished what he has to say, and then to say politely that you differ from him, or that you have heard the story told otherwise, where justice to the absent de- mands this course. To " sink the shop ; " that is, to avoid talking about one's business or profession. To talk about one's profession or calling with a person who has expressed a wish — sincere to all appearance — to hear about it. To remember that great men are sometimes modest, and may prefer to be worshipped in their absence rather than in their presence. To avoid joking in general society or with persons of a literal turn of mind. 3n Con)?ersafton 6i It is not the Correct Thing To talk constantly about one's self and one's own doings, about one's children, family, servants, or friends, or to rehearse domestic troubles or quarrels. To express doubts as to the truth of a harm- less story in the presence of the narrator. To interrupt, to say to a person " You have told me that before," or to set him right when he is telling a story. To wound the feelings of others by thoughtless remarks or allusions, or worse yet, by intentionally unkind speeches. To annoy poets and other great men with fool- ish questions about their inspiration or works, or with exaggerated expressions of admiration. To pay fulsome compliments or to indulge in gross flattery, thus indicating that you have a poor opinion of the intelligence and penetration of the person whom you are addressing. To repeat old jokes, or to tell " ancient and fish-like" tales. 62 Comet $9ing It is the Correct Thing To avoid riding a favorite hobby to death. To remember that frequent puns break up tha thread of conversation, and that the habitual punster is apt to become tedious. To endeavor to "draw out" timid, shy, and silent people, and to induce them to talk on sub- jects that interest them. To remember that conversation should never turn into monologue. To preserve a certain moderation in the very whirlwind of one's talk, watching carefully for signs of fatigue or sleep in one's listeners, and never allowing that unruly little member, the tongue, to run away with its owner. To remember that the person who habitually says witty, but sharp things, is sure to be un- popular. To be generous, and to praise and admire when one can conscientiously do so. To remember that a fool may pass for ^ wise man if he know enough to hold his peace. 3n Conbcrefltwn 63 It is not the Correct Thing To make personal remarks or jokes, — as about a man's appearance, age, etc. In general conversation to talk long about matters with which some of the company are wholly unacquainted, or in which they take no interest. To try to " pump " people, or to ask questions about their personal or private affairs. To ask a person's age, especially if that per- son be a woman. To discuss the age of friends or acquaintances, thus breaking the old rule which forbids talking of money, age, or marriage. To answer only in monosyllables. To assume a nil admirari or lofty critical tone. To talk gossip, or to indulge in slander or personalities. To criticize or find fault with objects which are displayed for one's admiration. To "cram" for any occasion, or to drag in a subject " by the head and ears." 64 t^c Comet ^^mg It is the Correct Thing To remember that conversation is a fine art, from which base matter must necessarily be excluded. To remember Emerson's saying that " No one can be a master in conversation who has not learned much from women; their presence and inspiration are essential to its success." To remember that out of a man's own mouth he is judged, voice, language, and accent being far better criterions of a person's gentility than handsome or shabby garments. To remember that proper cultivation and use of the voice not only add to its beauty, but pre- vent it from becoming prematurely thin, worn, and cracked. To speak in chest-tones. To lower the voice and speak slowly when one wishes to enforce one's authority. To speak distinctly, but softly and slowly. To avoid coarseness and rudeness of speech and language, and harsh laughter. 3n ^peu^ 65 It is not the Correct Thing To show off one's little learning and small accomplishments before those who are truly learned (thus displaying vanity and showing one's own limitations), or before those whose education is defective, thus cruelly reminding them of what they lack. To speak in harsh nasal tones, after the man- ner of many New Englanders, and some other Americans. To scold in a high key or to scream to per- sons at a distance, thereby injuring the voice, as well as disturbing the public peace. To blur one's words so that the sound is as of a person who speaks with his mouth full of pudding. To speak from the head and throat. To speak in a loud voice, or in a slovenly or indistinct manner. To speak fast or to drawl. To affect "pretty" or "singular" pronuncia- tions. 66 €9c Correct ^^tng It is the Correct Thing To avoid the over-delicacy of language and affectation of precision which belong to persons of narrow culture. To say " A man fell and broke his leg," when he did so ; " It is time to go to bed ; " " I live in Rochester." To pronounce correctly, studying not only the dictionary, but the language of living speakers who are entitled to speak with authority. To use the words " man " and " woman " in many instances where formerly one would have said " lady " or " gentleman," the latter words having largely lost their significance from ex' cessive use — or abuse. The phrase " Mrs. Ames is a charming woman " would now be pre- ferred to " Mrs. Ames is a charming lady." To train children carefully to read aloud, both for the sake of the voice and of the pronunciation. To say " waistcoat " and " trousers," and (in speaking of the nether garments of little boys) '* knickerbockers." 3n ^puc^ 67 It is not the Correct Thing To be affected in one's manner of speech, or to copy the pronunciation of other persons or nations. To say " He fell and sustained a fracture of his limb;" "retire" for "go to bed;"' "Where do you reside ? " for " Where do you live ? " These expressions, while not incorrect, are nevertheless seldom used by those who speak the best English. To affect a foreign accent. To speak incessantly of a person's " home " when you mean his " house." To hire an English butler, and copy his drawl, imagining that you will thus learn to speak like a cultivated Englishman. To use the " newspaper English " of mediocre newspaper writers, saying " transpire " for " hap- pen," " donate " for " give," " residential," etc. To say " lady friend " or " gentleman friend." To say " pants " or " vest." To say " garment " for " coat," " cloak," man- lie," or other outside garment. 68 Z^c Coxtui t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To remember that slang is unmeaning as well as inelegant, and that words like "jolly," "beastly," etc., used in season and out of season, soon lose all their meaning. For the ordinary purposes of every-day life, to use words of Saxon rather than of Latin origin whenever it is possible to do so, thus gaining terseness and vigor rather than a large number of syllables with diminished force. To pronounce " gentleman " as it is written, and with distinctness. To say " Grinnidge," " Norridge," " Bruns'ick," if one would follow the English pronunciation; also to pronounce Gower Gore, Salisbury Sa/z- bury, Cockburn Coburn, Brougham Broum^ Geoghegan Gaygan, Cholmondely Chumley, Mar- joribanks Marchbanks, Cavendish Candish. To pronounce the o in " stone " like that in "go." To speak of " tQlQgraphing" or of " sending a tQlQgramJ^ 3n ^puc^ 69 It is not the Correct Thing To use slang, especially where one does not know its derivation, many slang words having a secondary meaning and low origin. To say " female " for " woman " or " lady." To say "folks" for "family" or "people." Thus one should not say, " How are all your folks .? " To use the abbreviation " gents " under any circumstances. To say " genelman," " gempman," or " gehemp- man." To say Green- wich, Nor-wich, Brunsz£/ick. To pronounce " government " as if it were '* goverment." To coin new and superfluous words, such as "walkist," "disconcertion," and other abomina- tions. To say " spoon " and " stone " with a short i^owel sound, " av'noo " for " avenue," " chick'n," " N'Yawk," etc. To say " not-pepper " for " note-paper." It is the Correct Thing To pronounce the letter r in words where it occurs, as in " arm," " girl," " rubber." To be careful to give vowel-sounds correctly. To give each syllable its proper value or length, in pronouncing it, so that all have their fair share of accent, and no one has too much. To remember that many so-called American- isms are in reality old English forms of speech, and that we have altered the grand old English tongue of Shakespeare and the Bible less than our brothers across the water have done. To quote very sparingly from foreign languages, especially those with the pronunciation of which one is not familiar. To say " memorand?/;;^ " in the singular, and " memorandiz " in the plural. To pronounce " polonaise " as if it ended in aze. To pronounce in English fashion the names of foreign places or persons which have become Anglicized ; as Paris, Vienna, Napoleon. 3n ^ptu^ 71 It is not the Correct Thing To roll the r too much, or to add it at the end of words where it does not belong. To pronounce ue like 00, or 00 like ue. To flatten the a and say " bayth " for " bath," as is sometimes done in the Middle States and elsewhere, or to say " dawg " for " dog." To say " coat " and " boat" with a short sound, as some New Englanders do. To say "jally" for "jelly." • To say " paw and maw," or " payr and mayr," for " papa and mamma." To clip off final letters or syllables, or those that occur in the middle of a word, thus making a trisyllable into a dissyllable, as " gen'ally " for ** generally." To say "kep'" for "kept," "clo'es" for "clothes," "mon's" for "months," or "fam'ly" for " family." To follow the inspiration of your own genius in forming the plural or singular of Greek or Latin words. 72 Comet t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To say " It is /," and " He went with Harry and me,'^ To remember that the expressions " Yes, sir," and " Yes, madam," are much less used than formerly. To teach children to say, "Yes, mother (or father)," and " No, mother ; " and to say " Yes, sir (or madam)," to old people or to those who adhere to the old ways of speech. For an inferior to say " sir " or " madam " in speaking to a superior. To say " sir " or " madam " if one have occa- sion to address a stranger, using the word " madam " for a single as well as for a married lady. 3n ^peec^ 73 It is not the Correct Thing To say " It is me^-^ or " He went with Harry and /." To drop the as in "w'en" for "when," "w'ite" for "white," " w'ere " for "where." To drop the g final, as in " goin'," " doin','' " sayin'," " dinin'-room,'" etc. To say " ya'as," " yeah," or " ye-up " for ^yes." To use " don't " as an abbreviation of " does not" To say " ain't " or " hain't." To say " you was " for " you were." To address a young lady as " miss," or to say, " Yes, miss," " No, miss." To say " mum," " 'm," or " ma'am," unless when speaking to old or very conservative per- sons, to employers, or superiors. To use the word " elegant " as a general and indiscriminate term of praise, as " I had an ele- gant time ; " " That is perfectly elegant." 74 Correct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing To be as polite at home as one is abroad. To have one's house always in good order, whether any guests are expected or not. To have a place at one's table, a room in one's house, and a welcome in one's heart for any friend who may unexpectedly arrive. To remember that punctuality is the hinge of business, and to insist that the whole household shall be " on time.*' To knock on the door before entering any one's private apartment. For the lady of the house to remember the saint who built her husband a smoking-room, and do likewise. To make home attractive, and to remember that over-severity makes young people deceitful, and drives them to seek amusements elsewhere, and in secret. To be attentive as well as respectful and polite to old people, remembering how few are their pleasures and opportunities for enjoyment^ 3n f^e Sftmtfg Ctrcfe 75 It is not the Correct Thing To be afraid to use one's good manners every day, lest they should wear out. To have the parlor alone in order, and the rest of the house in confusion. To calculate the provisions for a meal so closely that the arrival of a guest will produce despair and confusion. To make one's family circle into a close cor- poration, debarring all outsiders therefrom, save on grand and ceremonious occasions. For the gentlemen of the house to smoke in all parts of it, or to leave cigar-stumps, ashes, and burned matches on the tables and floors as pleasing mementos of their presence. To make unnecessary noise when one comes home late at night, thus disturbing the rest of the household. To sit between another person and the fire or light, or to sit still and allow one's parent to bring a chair without offering to assist him. 76 t^c Correct t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To arise and offer one's own chair, or procure another and place it in a good position for an older person who enters the room. For parents to maintain their own dignity and proper position, treating their children with generosity, but not imitating the folly of King Lear. For a young man to remember that his mother's house is not a boarding-house, and that whethet he pay for his own board or not, his behavio/ in his parents' house must always be that of 3 respectful and considerate son. For young people to allow their parents, elderSi or guests to precede them in entering or leaving a room, or in going up-stairs. To accustom ourselves early to the small acts of courtesy of daily life, which thus become in a measure automatic, to be performed easily, and almost unconsciously. For a son or daughter to rise when the mother of the family enters the room. 3n fpe Samift CitcU 77 It is not the Correct Thing For children or young people to monopolize the most desirable positions and most comforta- ble chairs. For a young man to allow his father to carry heavy bundles or packages because he himself is too lazy or too " snobbish " to assist his parent. For young people to be selfish, expecting all the arrangements of the house to be made for their pleasure and convenience, and all the ex- penses to be incurred for their benefit. For a young man to refuse to help his parents after he begins to earn his own living, or for him to " give himself airs," order the servants about, or make unnecessary trouble in his father's house because he happens to pay his own way. To be profane, or to use doubtful slang. For a young man to remain seated when his mother enters the room. 78 t^c Cottccf t^im It is the Correct Thing To wait at the head or foot of the stairway, as the case may demand, when an older person is about to ascend or descend it. Concerning Servants To be dignified but always courteous in one's demeanor toward servants. To treat them as if they were " human beings," caring properly for them when ill, and taking a kindly and sufficient interest in their affairs and their troubles. To systematize the work of one's household so far as possible, and to tell a servant when one first engages her just what duties will be expected of her, stipulating that she shall be willing to do other work if necessary. To take hold of work yourself occasionally, when the gods of the lower regions are tired or demoralized, thus helping to tide over an emer- gency, and showing that you respect the dignity of labor. 3n t^e Samtfi? Citde 79 It is not the Correct Thing For young people to sit down to table without waiting for their parents, unless they have re- ceived permission to do so. Concerning Servants To be familiar with servants, or to joke and laugh with them. To treat servants as if they were " door-mats under one's feet," or to pet or spoil them. To talk gossip with servants or children, or to allow them to tell you about other people's affairs. To turn a servant into the street when he or she falls ill in your service. To bind heavy burdens upon their backs, and not raise one finger to lift them. To blame servants constantly, but to forget to give them due praise. To allow servants to be -wasteful or careless, or to go out constantly without first asking leave. So t^e Comcf $^ing It is the Correct Thing To be the head of the house in fact as well as in name, keeping a watchful eye on the affairs of the household. To allow fair " privileges," religious and other. To be sometimes a little blind. To provide comfortable sleeping-rooms for them, and if possible, a separate bed for each one. For those whose means permit, to provide a sitting-room, and in summer, a porch or piazza for their use. To find fault when necessary, but to keep con- trol of one's temper. To insist that servants shall keep themselves neat and tidy, especially when waiting upon tabl^ or answering the door-bell. To teach servants to move about the house and wait upon the table as noiselessly as possible. To go and find the person to whom one wishes to speak, and to speak to him in the room where he is. 3n t^e SamifiP CitcU 8i It is not the Correct Thing To allow a servant to dictate to her mistress, or refuse to obey the latter's bidding, saying " That isn't my place." To watch servants with a suspicious eye. To imagine that " angels go out to service." To rebuke or praise servants or children in the presence of other persons. To allovv' servants the use of the latch-key, unless under exceptional circumstances. To scold servants, or to whip one over the shoulders of another." To expect that a cook can always look as neat as a waitress. To slam doors, or to laugh and scream, and make a great noise in the kitchen. To allow servants to join in the conversation or make any remarks while waiting on the table. To allow them to make a noise or clatter with the dishes in the dining-room. To allow servants, children, or any one else to scream or call up and down stairs. 82 t^t Conut t^xtiQ It is the Correct Thing To have the servant summon the different members of the family to their meals by knock- ing on the doors of their rooms. To have a foot-bell under the dining-table, in order to summon a servant from the kitchen without noise. To avoid giving orders to a servant in the presence of guests or other persons, except when it is necessary. At the dinner-table to summon the servant with a look, and to give her the order as quietly as possible. For a waitress to remain in the dining-room, or within easy call, during the progress of a meal, until she is dismissed from attendance on tha table. Her proper place is behind the chair of ler mistress. For a servant to say " Yes, madam," or " No, sir," when given an order, or asked a question. To bid servants a civil good morning and good night. 3n t^e Samifg Circfe 83 It is not the Correct Thing To allow servants to scrape off the plates, or to remove the knives and forks from them, when clearing off the table for dessert. For a servant to build up a small Tower of Babel on her waiter, when clearing off the table. For a servant to lean over the table to get at some dish on the opposite side. To entice a servant, by promise of extra wages or other advantage, away from a service where she is satisfied and willing to stay. It is both unladylike and dishonorable to do so. To send orders to one servant by another, where this can be avoided. For those who keep only one or two maids to emulate the style of living of families who employ a large number of servants. For a servant to say, " Yes, Missis," or " Yes, Mister," or All right," when asked to perform some service. 84 S^^e Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing For the butler to stand behind the chair of his mistress, although where there are two men, the butler sometimes stands behind his master's chair, the second man standing behind his mistress. To pay wages on the day when they are due, where a servant is hired by the month or year. To give warning the customary length of time in advance, before dismissing a servant from one's employment. Where their church is accessible, to allow them to attend it every Sunday. To divide the work of the house as fairly as possible between the different servants. To speak of the cook, waitress, laundress, parlor maid, housemaid (or chambermaid in a hotel), lady's maid. To speak of the women servants collectively as "the maids," or where a maid-of-all-work only is kept, as "the maid." To speak of the butler, footman or second man, page, coachman, groom, gardener, etc. 3n f^e Sftmifg Citde- 85 It is not the Correct Thing To dismiss a servant without due warning, unless for some very grave fault. To dismiss a servant before the end of the month, without paying the wages due when the month closes. To delude future employers by giving an over- flattering recommendation. To refuse to give a reference saying what can truly and fairly be said of a servant's worth. To speak of "the up-stairs girl," or of the " hired girls." For people of wealth to neglect to reprove their English servants or other imported domes- tics for the arrogant and even insolent demeanor often assumed tovv^ard all except the rich and their employees. 86 ^pe Correct ^^ing* It is the Correct Thing For employers to provide the maids* caps, aprons, collars, and cuffs. They sometimes fur- nish the black gowns also. For the butler to wear full evening dress — dress coat, white tie, etc., for late dinner and the evening. Earlier in the day he wears dark morn- ing costume. For the butler's assistants or footmen to wear livery. For waitress and parlor maid to wear when waiting on table, black gown, deep turned-over linen collar and cuffs, white apron, preferably with bretelles, and dainty little white cap, with black velvet bow. For the waitress or footman to have a small silver salver, on which to receive the cards of visitors. To have a pad with pencil on the hall table, for visitors who desire to leave a message, and for the waitress to ask them to come in for that purpose. 3n f§c famtfp Ctrcfe 87 It is not the Correct Thing For a butler to wear livery. To send money to a lady, no matter how re- duced her circumstances may be, by the hands of a servant, unless it is enclosed in a sealed envelope, addressed to the recipient. To pay any employee, unless for strictly menial work, by the hands of a servant. To talk about family affairs, or those of one's friends or neighbors, in the presence of servants. For the lady of the house to omit to inform the waitress or butler, whether or not she will see visitors on that particular afternoon. For a waitress to admit those who refuse to tell their names or their business, since this is characteristic of the ubiquitous agent. 88 t^e Comet t^im It is the Correct Thing On the afternoon at home, or at a reception, for the butler or footman to lead the way to the drawing-room, and, having asked the visitor's name, to announce it to his mistress, as the lady enters. To have a waitress or footman at the door, ready to open it on the appearance of visitors, at a reception, or an afternoon at home. Where there is no separate provision made for the food on the servants' table, to allow them some share of the dainties used in the dining room. Concerning Children To remember that children are the light and life of home, and the hope of the future. To decide in the first instance whether the children shall obey the parents, or the parents the children, and to adhere to the decision when once made. To break a rash promise rather than to do a cruel thing. 3n f^e Scwntfg Chcft 89 It is not the Correct Thing For a maid servant to call out the names of visitors. This is considered to be a masculine right or pri-dlege. For the waitress to leave a visitor in the hall, while she ascertains whether he will be received, instead of showing him into the reception or drawing-room. For a mistress to allow her servants to be dila- tory in answering the door-bell. At some houses, when the mistress is out, servants keep callers waiting a long time on the doorsteps. Concerning Children To allow children to answer back, or to be pert. For parents to obey their children. To allow children to affect a d/asS, " slangy " tone, drawling out " What are you giving us ? " Chestnuts ! " or other odious slang expressions. 90 T^e Correct t^in^ It is the Correct Thing For parents to consider the matter carefully before threatening to punish or promising to reward, but in either case to keep their word when it is once given. For parents to teach children to tell the truth, j^f doing so themselves. For children to be respectful and helpful to their parents, even in America. For parents to pay some attention to the com- ings and goings, the associations and occupations, of their children, — boys as well as girls, — re- membering that many a child has been ruined by perpetual running in the streets. To teach children to hang up their hats and coats when they come into the house. To remember the saying, " Whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck." To work while you work, and play while yo>» play. 3n f^e famif^ Ctrcfe 91 It is not the Correct Thing To rebuke or praise children before other people. To talk about children in their presence, thus making them self-conscious, if not conceited. To punish children cruelly, or vrhen one is angr}'. To allow children to make personal remarks to visitors, or finger their clothes. For children to keep on ringing the door-bell till the ser\-ant opens the door, to whistle in the house, or to make needless dirt, noise, and confusion. To allow children too great freedom or too much pocket-money, or to permit them to go alone to restaurants, theatres, etc. To allow children to annoy neighbors by pass- ing through their grounds without permission, teasing their servants, breaking their windows, or throwing snowballs at them. To allow boys to keep their hats on in the house. 92 Conuf t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To make the evening a time for pleasant and wholesome recreation and amusement, remember- ing that " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." To remember that children get a large part of their education from the conversation of their parents, and therefore, — To avoid gossip and idle talk. To remember that innocent fun hurts nobody, and helps to make the burden of life endurable. To bring up children to be polite, respectful, and well-mannered, but with manners and bC' havior suited to their years. To teach little girls to curtsey, in accordance with the present fashion, when speaking to their elders. For children to be considerate in their be- havior toward servants, and to be civil to them and to each other. 3n f^e Samif^ CitcU 93 It is not tlie Correct Thing To take offence if a neighbor states civilly that he would prefer your children should cease from breaking his windows. To allow girls to form a habit of giggling. To frighten children with stories of people who are coming after them, or to leave them too much in the care of servants. To force a nervous, timid child to stay alone in a dark room. For any person to put his feet on a chair, table, or mantelpiece, or anywhere save on a footstool or the floor. To allow children to consider their mother in the light of a hat-rack, bureau, or table, handing to her whatever article they wish to get rid of. To scold children for asking questions ; this is about as reasonable as to scold them for breathing or thinking. To allow children to interrupt any one who is speaking, or to allow them to be rude or savage in their behavior. 94 t^^ Cotmt t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To supervise the reading of children, and to interest them in the works of the best authors. To provide regular occupation for little folks, and plenty of healthy amusement. To teach them how to make things, thus sub< stituting constructive for destructive tendencies. To interest children in the study of birds, ani- mals, flowers, and of nature generally, substitu- ting the field-glass for the gun. To teach boys to take off their caps politely when they rnake a bow. To give them plenty of plain, wholesome, well- cooked food, and as they grow older, to teach them to eat a variety of dishes, rather than ta indulge the childish tendency to dislike every- thing to which the boy or girl is not accustomed. To remember that a healthy, active child needs plenty of exercise, and needs also to make a noise during some part of the day, just as an engine must blow off steam. 3n f^e Mamif^ CitcU 95 It is not the Correct Thing For parents to discuss, in the presence of children, novels of doubtful morality, or to leave these lying about the house. To allov/ children to have nothing to do on holidays, or in vacation. To allow children when playing out-of-doors to annoy the neighbors, or to be rude to the passers-by. To bring up children at hotels or boarding- houses, if one can possibly avoid it. To allow them to make comments on the food set before them. To allow children to attend many dances or other entertainments. To allow them to mimic people. It is ex- tremely ill-bred to do so. To expect a normal child to sit perfectly quiet for a long period of time, or to forbid his enjoy- ing healthful, and even noisy sport, at the proper hour. g6 t^e Conut $pmg It is the Correct Thing To dress children in pretty, but simple and childish fashion. When Laying the Table To use fine linen, napkins of generous size, pretty china and glassware, and well-polished silver. For those who can afford the necessary ex- pense to change the napkins at every meal, and the tablecloths very frequently. To use a large napkin spread over the cloth under the meat-platter if one desire to preserve the tablecloth from soil or stain. To use snowy white and clean, carefully ironed table-cloths, with an under-cloth of white Canton flannel. To use very large napkins for dinner and luncheon, and rather smaller ones for breakfast. 3n f^e Samif^ Circfe 97 It is net the Correct Thing To dress them like grown persons, or in an elaborate style. To make a child wear a conspicuous or old- fashioned garment, or one it especially dislikes, thus causing the httle one much unhappiness. When L.vnxG the Table To have a ver}- handsomely appointed table with insufficient food upon it. To spend a great deal of money for food, and none for suitable table-equipage. For those who live in a handsome and expen- sive style to use napkin-rings. To use silver that is dull for the want of clean hot suds, a clean towel, and frequent rubbing with chamois-skin. To use table mats where a tablecloth is used. To use a colored cloth for dinner. To use a soiled or spotted cloth. To put a cloth on crooked, or so that it humps up in the middle. 98 t^t Cotnd t^im It is the Correct Thing For those who possess a handsome mahogany dining-table, to use a linen or lace centrepiece with small and dainty white or delicate colored mats, instead of a table-cloth, for luncheon or five o'clock tea. To use breakfast napkins for tea, or fringed doilies if one prefer them. To put a piece of bread or a roll on or in each napkin or beside each plate at dinner, and a dish with a reserve supply on the sideboard. To place miniature ornamental pepper-pots, usually of silver, at the four corners of the table. To place oil, vinegar and mustard on the side- board, or at an informal meal they may be set on the table in little ornamental bottles or jugs. To have on the sideboard a little silver or brass salver, on which the servant should hand all the dishes, and extra spoons or forks, should they by chance be desired. To provide each person with an individual butter-plate where butter is to be used at dinner. 3n f^e Samifg Circfe It is not the Correct Thing 99 To place a plate of bread on table for dinner. To put on individual salt-cellars with which no salt-spoons have been used, unless one change the salt in them at every meal. To put old-fashioned casters on table, oj spoon-tumblers, or stands of any sort. To place butter on the dinner table. loo C^e Correct t^inc^ It is the Correct Tning To place a dish of butter upon the sideboard, and to have it passed around when sweet corn, sweet potatoes, etc., are served. To use a crumb-scraper or fresh napkin 'Snd plate for removing crumbs. 3n t^e Sc^tnifi^ Citcfe loi It is not the Correct Thing To put a pile of plates in front of the carver, instead of putting one plate before each person. To use a crumb-brush and tray, although some people do it I02 t^e Cotucf t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To remember that for a perfect feast, brilliant and agreeable conversation is as indispensable as a handsome and well-furnished table. To pay great attention to the selection of the guests, choosing those who will be agreeable to one another, and remembering that while there may be variety, there must be harmony. To remember that the law of proportion is the law of beauty, and that guests will enjoy a com- paratively modest entertainment which is suited to the means of their host and the habits of his household, far more than a very ambitious feast, for the preparation of which it is evident that every nerve has been strained. To remember that a host should plan his dinner carefully beforehand, as a successful gen- eral plans a battle ; but that when the conflict begins he must, like the latter, have courage and calmness. For a host and hostess to sit at either end or in the middle of either side of the dining-table. (^t a ©inneir 103 It is not the Correct Thing To invite many very shy or taciturn persons. To invite many people who like to monopolize conversation ; one of this kind will be found amply sufficient. To invite people who do not speak to one an- other. To invite only those persons who see each other constantly, and hence are not likely to have any new or fresh subjects for conversation. To attempt to give a dinner which is more elaborate and ceremonious than one's establish- ment will warrant. For a hostess to look or feel worried. The guests will be very quick to observe this ; and while it may amuse those who are spiteful, it will tend to dampen the spirits of the company. I04 2^5e Cottut t^im It is the Correct Thing For the hostess to tell each gentleman which lady he is to take in to dinner, or to cause cards to be placed on the hall-table giving this infor- mation on any formal occasion. For a gentleman to ask to be presented to the lady whom he is to take in to dinner, where he is not already acquainted with her. For the host to go in to dinner first, taking in the lady in whose honor it is given. Where the dinner has not been given in honor of any particular guest or guests^ for the host to take in the most distinguished or the eldest lady present, or the wife of the most distinguished man, or a stranger, or a bride. For the host to place the lady whom he takes in to dinner in the seat of honor, — that is, on his right hand, the place on his left being reserved for the lady whose position or age entitles her to the second highest room. To light the dining-room with white or colored candles or lamps. (^f a ©inner It is not the Correct Thing For a gentleman to go in to dinner with a lady, without offering her his arm. For a gentleman to neglect to draw out a lady's chair from the table, and to assist her in drawing it up again, where the servant does not perform this office. For the hostess to go into dinner first. To begin to eat or to talk on first sitting down at the table, without waiting to see whether grace is to be said. To have four, eight, or twelve persons, or any number divisible by four, sit down at the table where the host and hostess sit one at each end of it, since this arrangement will make two gentlemen and two ladies come next each other, and is therefore to be avoided if possible/ * With the modern fashion of using round or square rabies, this difficulty is happily avoided. A connoisseur ?vrites, " A small dinner of eight, at a square table, is about the most exquisite form of entertainment." io6 Correct t^in^ It is the Correct Thing For the hostess to go in to dinner last with the husband of the lady whom the host is escorting, where the dinner is given for a married couple ; in other cases the hostess should go in with the most distinguished or with the eldest gentleman present, or with a stranger. For the hostess to assign the seat on her right to the gentleman who takes her in to dinner, and that on her left to the gentleman who is entitled to the next highest distinction. To have the servant enter the drawing-room and announce in a low tone that " Dinner is served," or merely bow when he catches his mistress's eye. To have part of the light come from above the table, or from side brackets or branches on the wall, and to have colored shades for the candles on the table.' ■ It is now thought desirable, as it is also artistic, to light by candles alone, instead of with two kinds of Ught. (^f a ©inner 107 It is not the Correct Thing To make a long prayer or say a long grace, and thus keep a hungry company waiting while the dinner cools. For the host to take advantage of the helpless position of his guests, and to retail to them all his old stories. To have a dining-room overwarm. To have it full of draughts. To announce any formal meal, and least of all a dinner, by ringing a bell. This is a relic of the Dark Ages. A Japanese dinner-gong, which has a pleasant musical sound, may be used when the family are alone, or in the coun- try, when guests are straying about the estate. To light a dining-room exclusively with gas, or to light it in such a way that there will be a glare of light in the eyes of the guests. To sit down before your host and hostess do, since in some households grace is said while all stand behind their chairs. io8 t^c Comet t^inci It is the Correct Thing To have the table-cloth enriched with lace oi embroidery if one prefer it so, but to have it plain white, of very fine quality, and ironed with perfect smoothness. Detached satin ribbons, which were in fashion at one time, have now gone out of favor in New York. To place carafes or water-bottles of cut or en- graved glass at each corner of the table, and for a large dinner, in the centre of the sides also. To remember that plain dishes well prepared are much better liked by every one than elabo' rate dishes made without the requisite skill. To use a profusion of flowers of delicate and agreeable perfume, or to use a handsome dish of fruit and flowers, or of fruit alone, for a centre- piece. Silver baskets or pots filled with growing ferns are also employed for this purpose.^ * According to present fashion, little is placed on the table save flowers — a centrepiece alone, or accompanied by two or four vases of flowers. Fruit, bonbons, a^^c? little cakes are also placed on the table. @f a ©inner 109 It is not the Correct Thing To have the table-cloth consist wholly or in part of any material that does not wash, or of any colored material, such as satin ribbons. To have the dining-room or the table over- crowded. Nothing is more uncomfortable than a table so arranged that the attendants cannot pass by without pushing or crowding against some one. To use flowers with a very heavy fragrance, such as tuberoses, jasmine, etc. To use artificial flowers. For a host to praise or to depreciate his own banquet, or any of its details. no Correct Z^inQ It is the Correct Thing To arrange the decorations of the table high enough for the guests to be able to see under, or low enough for them to see over these orna- mentations. To remember that the display of good taste in the choice and arrangement of flowers, china, glass, or silver, is much more gratifying to guests of refinement than the mere display of wealth. To study gastronomy, whether for a large or a small feast, and to give things that are good of their kind and that go together harmoniously. To remember that while one thoroughly trained and efficient servant can attend to the wants of eight or ten people, it is still often necessary to employ a greater number, an attendant to every three or even to every two guests being some- times employed. To have the service good, and if one have not efficient attendants, to hire them from some re sponsible caterer. (^t a ©inner III It is not the Correct Thing To arrange the ornaments in such a way as to interfere with conversation across the table, or to intercept the view of the guests. To make a display of plate or of flowers, grow- ing plants, etc., that may appear ostentatious. Display for the sake of display is always vul- gar ; while a display which is beautiful in itself, and is made to give pleasure to the guests, is perfectly legitimate, provided it does not border upon extravagance. To expect that servants who are not trained to wait properly on table every day, will be inspired to do so by the mere presence of a dozen critical strangers. To expect miracles of the household cook. A woman who is in the habit of preparing six or eight dishes for dinner every day, for six people, cannot be expected to prepare twenty dishes for fourteen people without assistance. 112 Comcf $9^n3 It is the Correct Thing To place a card with the name of the guest upon it, beside each plate at a large or cere- monious dinner. To use menu-cards for public dinners, one being set at each place, or one for every two persons. To have a cover (that is, plate for each per- son) accompanied by one or two large knives, a silver knife for fish, when necessary, three forks, a soup or tablespoon, a small oyster-fork for eating raw oysters, a goblet for water, and where wine is used, to have glasses for claret, sherry, etc., placed around the water-goblet. To place the knives and oyster-fork on the right, and the other forks on the left of the plate. To place a napkin folded in some simple form, on the left side of each plate, with a roll or small thick piece of bread placed upon or tucked into it. To place the glasses on the right of each plate. (^f a ©inner 113 It is not the Correct Thing To try new experiments culinary or otherwise, upon one's guests. To use menu-cards for a dinner in a private house. To place the forks with the tines turned down, or the soup-spoon with the bowl in that position. At a simple dinner consisting of only a few courses, to place beside each plate more knives and forks than each person will need. To place the knives at the top of the plate, instead of at the side. To cut the bread in thin slices for dinner. To place the napkin in the water-goblet. To make a napkin stiff with starch, to fold it into a fan or other shape savoring of hotel prac- tices, or to put it upon table while still damp or smelling of soap. To put the glasses on table with the stems up. To place the glasses on the left of the plate. 114 Comet t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing According to the present fashion, to drink little or no wine, for fear of gout, gentlemen sometimes substituting whiskey and soda water. For those who wish to do so, to place extra and very delicate wine-glasses, one for sherry or Madeira, and the other for claret or Burgundy, on table with the dessert.^ To put the more ordinary wines on table first, and the choicest brands with the dessert. To put an individual salt-cellar, with diminu> tive salt-spoon, beside each plate. To begin the dinner with raw oysters (or in summer, small raw clams) on the half-shell, served on the regulation oyster-plates, with a piece of lemon in the centre. To serve one or two soups simultaneously after the oysters, a white and a brown, or a white and a clear soup.^ * This custom no longer prevails. * Only one soup is served now, unless the occasion be a banquet. ®f a ©inner "5 It is not the Correct Thing To set the table in such a careless manner that the guests will be uncertain as to which is each person's glass of water or piece of bread. To give people sherry-glasses for champagne, claret-glasses for sherry, etc. To put on ordinary or poor wines with the dessert. To place tablespoons (other than those for soup) or other extra silver on the table. ^ To serve raw oysters of whose antecedents one is doubtful, since typhoid fever may be the result of eating oysters grown where they are affected by sewage. At a formal dinner, to serve raw oysters on an ordinary plate. ^ This is one of the new rules, and is not universally followed. At some houses where dinners are served with great elegance, extra silver, in the shape of omameD*aI ipoons, etc., is still to be seen upon the tables. ii6 Comet Z^inoi It is the Correct Thing To serve the soup and all the rest of the dinner from the sideboard or the pantry in dmer a la Riisse. To serve fish after soup, and entrees, or " those dishes which are served in the first course after the fish," next. To serve two entrees at once at an elaborate dinner/ To serve the roast after the entrees, then the Roman punch ^ (which is properly an entremet^ or " dish coming after the roast in the second course "), then the game and salad. To serve salad either with the game or as a separate course, accompanied by cheese and bread and butter. The bread may be cut very thin and nicely buttered, or the butter and bread may be served separately. * It is now the fashion to abbreviate dinners so much, that a single entree suffices for a small dinner. Indeed some hostesses omit the entree entirely, except at a large dinner. *This course (viz. Roman punch) is going out of fash- ion, doubtless for the reason stated above. (§f a ©inner 117 It is not the Correct Thing To serve t^'o soups, one after the other, as if they constituted two courses. To serve soup on the table in diner a la Russe. To serve any vegetable save potato (or a veg- etable salad, cucumber for instance ) with iish. To serve dishes surrounded with gravy or sauce, which makes it difficult for a guest to help himself. To give Roman punch with a simple dinner. — where there is only one course of meat, for in- stance. To serve more than one or two vegetables with one course in diner a la Russe. To place cruets, casters, or butter dishes on table. ii8 C^e Comet t^im It is the Correct Thing To serve some vegetables, as asparagus, sweet com, or macaroni, as courses by themselves. To serve cheese as a course by itself. To serve the ices and sweet dishes after the salad and cheese, then the fruit, then the bon- bons. To serve after-dinner coffee (which should be strong and black, but not muddy) in diminutive cups, with tiny gold or silver cofTee-spoons. To serve coffee in the drawing-room, or it may be served in the dining-room after a dinner where the guests have not sat very long at table. For the gentlemen to rise when the ladies leave the table, and for the one nearest the door to hold it open while the ladies pass out. The gentlemen then usually return to the table, where they stay a short time, discussing wine, cigars, and liqueurs.^ ' They now accompany the ladies to the drawing-room sometimes, returning to the dining-room themselves, after the ladies are seated. @f a ©inner It is not the Correct Thing To carry to extremes the modern fashion of serving each dish by itself, and thus make an infinite number of courses and an overlong and tedious meal. To forget that the custom of drinking many wines is rapidly going out of fashion and favor. To forget that smart people now give shorter dinners, better viands, and fewer wines than for- merly, quality replacing quantity. To serve coffee in the dining-room where the guests have already sat at table for a long time. To serve after-dinner coffee with milk or cream. It is sometimes done, however, as many people prefer ca/S au lait to cafi noir. For young girls to take wine, unless they have been accustomed to its use at home, or in any case for them to take several kinds, or much of anj xind. I20 t^e Coned t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To have after-dinner coffee poured out in the kitchen or butler's pantry, and passed around in cups on a salver, accompanied with lump-sugar. To place a fresh fork, or fork and knife, as the case may require, on the fresh plate which is handed to each person at every new course, after the knives and forks of the original cover have been exhausted.^ For the hostess to give the signal to leave the table when she sees that there is a lull in the conversation. To provide hot plates for hot-meat courses, entries, etc. To put the finger-bowls on table for the fruit course. They are set on glass or handsome china plates, with an embroidered doily between, and accompanied by a silver dessert knife and fork. * It is now thought better to have the fresh fork when required, laid at the guest's place, beside the fresW pia*»? but not upon it. a ©inner 121 It is not the Correct Thing For the hostess to pour out after-dinner coffee, tither in the dining-room or the drawing-room. For gentlemen to remain long at table after the ladies have left it, or for them to drink heavily. To do so would now be considered as very boorish. For any one to put to actual use the decorative and expensive little doilies now so fashionable. For the hostess to leave the table when some one is in the midst of relating a story. To provide hot plates for salads, cold meats, or hot puddings, which last keep their own heat without any outside aid. To fill finger-bowls more than half-full of water, or to put ice-water in them, since this would be unpleasantly cold to the fingers. To remove the table-cloth before the dessert. This was formerly the custom. To imitate the countryman in Punch, who said propo!s of cordial, that he should " like to hay? snore of that in a mug." 122 Z^e Comcf t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To clear everything from the table, except the decorations and lights, before the dessert is set on, removing the crumbs with a silver crumb- scraper or a clean napkin and a plate. For the ices, to place a dessert-plate with an ice-spoon or a fork^ at each place. To set on real fruit-napkins where peaches or other fruits that stain badly are to be eaten.' To serve sherry with the soup ; Chablis, hock, or Sauterne with the fish-comse ; claret and cham- pagne with the roast, or the latter may be opened at the game course. To substitute apollinaris water for wine if one wish to do so, or to give at a small dinner sherry and claret, or claret alone. To serve cordials or liqueurs after the dessert, poured out into tiny glasses (by the butler), and passed around the table on a small salver.* ' Fruit napkins are no longer used, save on the family dinner-table. * Or they may be handed around in the drawing-room. It is not the Correct Thing To retain one's knife and fork in one's hand or to lay them on the table when one's plate is removed at the end of a course, or when it is passed back to the carver for a second supply. In the opinion of some persons to give a heavy and elaborate dinner, without providing any wine to accompany it. According to the views of these persons, wine is needed with a heavy dinner to assist the digestion and prevent the guests from growing silent. As many physicians assert that wine impedes digestion, the question seems to be a difficult one to decide. As will be seen elsewhere, heavy dinners, and drinking wine at dinner, are both going out of fashion. To bring a champagne-bottle dripping with moisture to the table, or to allow the drops from it to fall on a lady's dress. To decant champagne or other sparkling wine& 124 Comet Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing To set champagne and other sparkling i-ines in an ice-pail to cool until just before thep are served, and to pour them out as quickly as poS' sible after they are opened. To pass around a bowl of broken ice before the champagne is offered to the guests.^ To wrap a napkin about the champagne-bottle, as it is apt to be wet. To serve claret and Burgundy of about the same temperature as that of the room ; they are sometimes warmed slightly. To decant sherry, Madeira, and port, and usually claret. According to modern custom, for the servants to pour out wine for the guests at any formal meal. If the wine be on the table however, the host may offer it to his guests, and the gentle- men may help the ladies sitting next to them, passing the wine on to the nearest gentleman. For a servant to offer wine on the right hand. ■ This has now gone out of fashion. (^i a ©inner It is not the Correct Thing To put ice in any one's champagne-glass with* out first asking if he wish it. To ice claret or Burgundy. In the opinion of many people, to decant very old or rare wines. These are sometimes brought in — with the cobwebs left upon the bottle — as a proof of their age. To allow a stupid or untrained servant to pour out wine for the guests, since this task requires care, nicet}', and a steady hand. To attempt to give an elaborate dinner of many courses without a large supply of china and plate. If one do so, the result will resemble that of Bob Sawyer's party. To offer wine on the left hand. 126 Comet e^ing It is the Correct Thing To have the soiled dishes and silver f "omptlj removed from the dining-room, by a special servant if necessary. For the guest to remove promptly thr* knife and fork, finger-bowl, etc., from his pJ^te, in order not to delay the service of the next course, For the servant to pass the entrees to the guests in order that they may help themselves, holding the dish low, with a napkin un(Ser it, and flat on the hand. For a servant to have a small napkin wrapped around his hand, so that it shall not coi?^e iq contact with the dishes. For one servant to offer each person the proper sauce or vegetables, following another who has just passed the meat or fish, etc. Where there are several servants, for one to begin at each side of the table, helping first t^he lady who sits next to the host, and the otherr in the order in which they sit, helping the gen « men after all the ladies have been helped. (^f a ©inner 127 It is not the Correct Thing To enliven the company with the cheerful sound of the washing of dishes in close proximity to the dining-room. For the servant to hand to the guests any- thing that requires carving, or that will be diffi- cult for them to remove from the dish. For the servant to hand to the guest platters large enough to be clumsy and to take up too touch room. In the opinion of many persons for a servant to wear gloves in a private house. To allow a careless or inexperienced servant to pass dishes to the guests, in order that they may help themselves; since he will be apt tc hold the dish too high or too low, to spill gravy, or to drop the spoon or fork on the floor. For the servant to omit the large tablespoon and fork when handing the entries. 128 Z^t Cotvuf Z^itXQ It is the Correct Thing (Where there is only one servant, he may, for the sake of convenience, help the guests in the order in which they sit, first of all, however, the lady on the host's right, next the one on his left, leaving the host to receive his plate last of all.) For a servant to offer all dishes on the left hand. For a butler to wear dark morning costume until the late dinner-hour, when he wears even- ing dress. According to English custom, for the second man to wear livery, — in fact, for all the men servants, save the first. Many persons, however, think that liveries are out of place in a republic like our own. When you wish to drink a person's health, to bow to him (the other person bowing in return) ; each one then drinks a few drops of wine, and sets down his glass, bowing again. To expedite, so far as is possible, the service of the table, the length prescribed for a dinner by modern usage being from one to two hours. @f a ©inner 129 It is not the Correct Thing To help the hostess first when other ladies are present. To help the host until after every one else has been helped For a butler to wear evening dress before the late dinner-hour„ For a butler to wear livery. Under ordinary circumstances, to drink toasts at private dinners. To drink a person's health in cold water, as this is thought to portend bad luck. To give dinners where the guests sit at table during three or four hours. Such long sessions are now thought to be wearisome, Edward the Seventh when Prince of Wales having intro- duced the fashion of remaining for a com- paratively short time at the table. 130 Cottut t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To remember that the first law of the table is to do nothing that may be unpleasant to others. To speak of a person's "behavior at the table" or "manners at table." To arrive punctually at the hour named in the invitation for a dinner. To avoid leaning far back in one's chair, 01 sitting side wise, or on the edge of it. To eat soup with as little noise as possible^ and to take it from the side of the spoon. To leave the soup on your plate if you par- ticularly dislike it. When helping to soup, to give each person half a ladleful, or a ladleful at a family dinner. To take hold of the knife by the handle, allowing the forefinger to rest on the upper part of the blade only. To use a silver fish-knife in addition to the {.ork when eating fish of a kind that requires this, and to help to it with a silver fish-knife or slice and fork. (3:f tafife 131 It is not the Correct Thing To make one's self disagreeable in any way to one's neighbors. To use the expression " Table manners." To come more than five minutes before, or more than five minutes after the hour named for a dinner. To lean too much over the table, or to place one's elbows on it. To ask for a second helping of soup or fish. To put a spoon into the mouth point fore- most. To refuse soup. To fill the plate when helping to soup. To hold the knife or fork in any fancy way. They should be held in the simplest manner. To use a steel knife for helping to fish, or for eating it. To eat with one's knife. 132 Z^c Coxtui ^^ing It is the Correct Thing To remember that "hurry was made for slaves." For every one, for every gentleman certainly, to learn how to carve. For the butler to do the carving on the side- board or in the pantry at all ceremonious meals. To use a fork for breaking up and eating potatoes. To use a fork alone for eating croquettes, pat- ties, and most of the made-dishes now so fash- ionable, for vegetables, puddings not too soft, many fruits, soft cheese, etc. To use either spoon or fork for eating ice- cream.^ To use both knife and fork for salad which has not been previously cut up.^ To eat asparagus with the fingers, holding it by the butt, or it may be cut up with the knife and fork, and eaten with the aid of the latter. * The fork is now usually preferred for eating ices. * It is better to use a fork with a piece of bread. It is not the Correct Thing To eat rapidly= To raise and spread out the elbows when cut- ting up one's food, or to cut it all up at once, as if for a child. To display too much vigor in grasping one's knife and fork. To cut potato, or touch it with a knife. To use a spoon where one can conveniently ase a fork. To cut salad into little pieces on one's plate, so that it looks like mince-meat. This should be done in the kitchen if at all. To leave a spoon standing in a teacup instead of laying it in the saucer. To take asparagus in one's fingers when it is covered with sauce. To drink tea out of the saucer, or to pour it bto the saucer to cool. 134 2^9^ Comet Z^inci It is the Correct Thing To eat celery and olives with the fingers. To use a fork for conveying back to one's plate as quietly as possible, fish bones, scraps of gristle, etc. To use a spoon for soup, puddings, tea, coffee and chocolate, preserves, berries (especially where milk or cream is served with them), cus- tards, or for any dishes too soft to be managed conveniently with a fork. To use a silver knife for fruit where one is required. To prepare and eat fruit with special nicety and care. To remove fruit stones and seeds from the mouth with the thumb and fingers, or with a fork. To remove the skins and stones of grapes from the mouth with the thumb and fingers. To use a fork as well as a knife with any juicy fruit, such as a juicy pear or a pineapple. To peel and slice bananas with a knife and fork, and then eat them with a fork. 135 It is not the Correct Thing When pouring out tea, to fill the cup so full that it runs over. To put sugar, cream, or lemon in the tea with- out first ascertaining whether any of these are desired, and in what quantity. To leave the spoon in the cup while drinking. To use a steel knife with fruit of any sort. To eat fruit in a mussy or unpleasant manner, getting one's fingers or mouth covered with juice. To spit the stones, seeds or skins of fruit into one's plate. To eat pineapples with the fingers. To eat bananas with the fingers, except at a very informal meal. To peel a pear or peach, and take up the juicy pieces in one's fingers, instead of using a fork. 136 Comet Z^im It is the Correct Thing To peel an orange with a knife or spoon, divide it into pegs, and eat it with the aid of the fingers, or to cut it up nicely with a knife and fork, and eat it with the latter.^ To use a finger-bowl after eating fruit, — dijH ping the tips of the fingers in it, and passing them nicely over the mouth, then wiping both fingers and mouth on the napkin. To hold the fork in the right hand, when eat- ing with it, with the tines curving down in the middle so as to form a bowl, that is to say, in the reverse position from that in which the fork is held for carving. To use a second plate of about the same size as a tea plate for salad, where it is served at the same time with vegetables and meat or fish, This is in order to prevent the salad dressing from mixing with the vegetables. * Oranges are now often cut in two with a sharp knife, and the pulp eaten with an orange-spoon, or with an ord> nary teaspoon. (^t 2:a6fe 137 It is not the Correct Thing To suck an orange, or to eat it in public at all, if one cannot do so in a delicate way. To dip the whole hand in the finger-bowl. To open the mouth unduly wide in eating. To double up a large slice of meat or cake, or to " bolt " the same. To pack food on the back of the fork, thus necessitating the use of the fork wrong side up. To put the skins of potato, orange-peel, etc., on the table-cloth. To place the plate from which one has finished eating at one side instead of waiting for the wait- ress to remove it. To tip the plate in order to secure the last drops of soup. To tuck the feet up on the rounds of one's chair, or to place them on the stand of the table. 138 t^e Comet $5mg It is the Correct Thing To put on only one plate where the fish or meat is served with salad and no other accom- paniment. " To raise the fork to the mouth laterally with the right hand," so that the fork will be nearly parallel with the mouth. To lay the knife and fork side by side on the plate, with the handles together, when sending it back for a second helping. This is the modern custom. To eat a boiled egg out of the shell with an egg-spoon. For the host to see that the wants of his guests are properly attended to, unless he have well- trained servants to whom he can safely depute this duty. For grown people to break bread in pieces before buttering it or eating it. To break open hot rolls, muffins, and gems. To ask the servant quietly for what you wish, after waiting for a suitable length of time. (^t $:a6fe 139 It is not the Correct Thing To use separate plates or " sauce " plates for vegetables or sauce. To crook the elbow in eating, so as to bring the hand round at a right angle, or the fork directly opposite the mouth. To rub spoon, fork, or knife on one's napkin before beginning to eat. This is a restaurant habit. To take a boiled egg out of the shell into a saucer or cup, or to eat it with a teaspoon, un- less in cases where no egg-spoon has been pro- vided. For adults to take " bites " out of a whole slice of bread. To cut open biscuits or other hot bread or cake. For the guest to starve instead of asking for what he needs. I40 ^^e Cottut Z^im It is the Correct Thing To ask the hostess, or your neighbor, to pass you what you wish, where no servant is present to hand the dishes. To take the last piece on the dish if it be offered you. This shows your faith in the re- serve supplies of your host's larder. To keep a plate which has been handed to you by the servant, thus acquiescing in the arrange ments of your host. To hold a wine-glass by the stem. To refuse wine if you wish to do so. To be calm and unruffled, even if you upset anything on the cloth, or drop anything on the floor. When in doubt, to observe what your neigh- bors do. To attend to the wants of one^s neighbors, offering to pass them dishes, helping them to butter, etc., where there is no waitress. To remember that no one is thinking about what you do half so much as you yourself (^f taMt 141 It is not the Correct Thing To trouble your neighbor to pass you the dishes where there is a servant present. To be or to appear greedy or in haste. For the lady of the house to allow her plate to be removed while her guests are still eating. To pass on a plate which the servant has handed to you. By doing so you create confu- sion and delay. To hold a wine-glass by the bowl, or to rum it up on one's nose in order to get the last drops of wine. To allow the servant to fill one's glass where one does not intend to drink the wine, — although one need not feel obliged to drink it merely from the fact that it has been poured out. To apologize save very briefly, if you break anything, or to offer to replace it. To be too precise and prim. To be flurried or nervous. This would only attract the attention which otherwise would not be bestowed upon you. 142 Z^c Correct Z^irxQ It is the Correct Thing For the conversation to become general during part of the time at a small dinner. To refuse one or more courses at a long and elaborate dinner if you wish to do so. When dinner is served in the old-fashioned way, for the gentleman who sits next the hostess ro offer to do the carving for her. If one have occasion to pass anything, to lay down one's knife or fork, and to hand the dish carefully. In handing a plate back to the carver for a second supply, to hold it in such a position that the carver can readily put the meat on it. To speak of " eating " soup. To help all the ladies, including those of the household, before any gentleman is helped, no matter how distinguished a person he may be. To take off your gloves as soon as you sit down at the table. To help the lady of the house first when no guests are present. ®t tafife 143 It is not the Correct Thing To neglect those who sit next you, in order to listen to some more witty and agreeable person. To talk across people, or to turn your back to those who sit next you. To make comments of any sort, but especially unfavourable ones, upon the food. To feed cats, dogs or any animals, at table, or what is still worse, to drop pieces of food or bones on the floor for their behoof. To ask a person to " dish out " food of any description. To reach in front of another person. To shove the dishes along the table. To speak of " drinking " soup. To pass a plate while holding fork, knife, bread or anything else in one's hand, or while masticating one's food. To tuck gloves in at the wrist, instead of removing them altogether, or to put them on the table or in a wine-glass. To use toothpicks either natural or artificial. 144 Comcf Z^inQ It is the Correct Thing To spread the napkin upon the knees, unfold- ing it half-way, and in the case of little children to fasten it around the neck. To leave one's napkin unfolded on rising from table, especially at a formal meal. To fold one's napkin, where the hostess folds hers. To sit with the lower part of the back against that of the chair. This tends to prevent a slouch- ing attitude, and also lessens the danger of drop- ping food on the front of the dress. For Children ' To wash the hands and if necessary the face, and to smooth the hair before coming to any meal. To wipe the mouth both before and after drinking, and to swallow what they are eating before beginning to drink. * These rules, although especially intended for children, will apply with equal force to their elders. tafife 145 It is not the Correct Thing For adults to tuck a napkin into a button-hole, or to fasten it at the neck. To leave one's napkin unfolded at an ordinary meal when the hostess folds up hers. For the host or hostess to urge a guest to eat more than he wishes. This old-time form of hospitality has now gone out of fashion. To place toothpicks on the table at a private house. For Children To come to table at any very long or cere- monious meal. To make playthings of the napkin-rings or silver, or to crumble up or play with bread. To arrange the food on the fork with the help of their fingers or of the knife. To turn the spoon over in the mouth, or to put it in wrong side up. 146 ^^e Comet Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing To keep the chair on all its four legs. To use a piece of bread, or "bread-fork" to assist them in getting their food upon the fork.^ To ask for a clean fork, knife or spoon where their own has fallen upon the floor. To help themselves to a dish with the knife, fork or spoon provided for the purpose ; or if these implements have been forgotten, to ask the servant to bring them. To provide children with dessert-spoons for eating soup. To take just enough on the fork for a proper- sized mouthful. To have as an ordinary thing, a plain and wholesome diet. When they are old enough, to learn to eat what other people do. To eat bread and butter with the butter side up. * Silver " pushers " maj now be purchased for chil- dren to use, instead of the bread-fork. tarn 147 It is not the Correct Thing To wriggle and jump about on their chairs, or to lean too far over the table. To put the spoon or fork so far into the mouth that the bystanders are doubtful of its return to the light. To help themselves to any dish with their own knife, fork or spoon. To turn up the glass or mug on the nose, or to look at people while drinking, either over or through the glass. To wave about the spoon, knife, fork or aapkin. To fill the fork with food along the whole length of the tines, and then to "eat off" part It a time. To drop more than a certain percentage of food on their bibs or napkins. To be overfastidious, asking questions about md making comments upon the food. To eat very rich or indigestible food. To eat too much. 148 Cottui t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To eat the pudding and the plums in it at the same time. To take the top slice of bread or cake, and to take the first piece that they touch. To lay the knife and fork side by side on the plate, with the handles together, when they have finished eating. To help girls before boys, and in the opinion of many persons, to help very little children first, when no guests are present. To hand a pitcher with the handle coward the recipient, and to hold spoons and forks Dy the middle, and a knife by the lower par of the shaft, the handle being turned toward the per- son to whom it is passed. To keep the mouth shut while eating. To teach children to come punctually to all meals. To see in their parents' behavior an example of good oreeding. To preserve the public and private peace^ (gt ^afife 149 It is not the Correct Thing To say they love " any article of food, or Co find fault with it. To ask for any article of food which is not upon the table. To force a child to eat what it especially dis- likes. The result is sometimes unexpected and disastrous. To allow children to be careless in their be- havior every day, and then scold them if they behave in the same manner before strangers. To allow them to have the " scrapings " of jam or jelly, unless it be in the privacy of the kitchen. To dip bread or cake into a glass of water. To dip bread into any sauce or gravy. To drain off a whole goblet at a draught To speak while eating. To read at table. To hand a thing without looking to see what they are doing. Some unpleasant accidents have occurred in this way. To forbid children to speak at alL 150 Correct t^im It is the Correct Thing To turn away the head when they are about to cough or sneeze, putting the handkerchief to the face at the same time. To make it a rule that children shall not settle their quarrels at table. To forbid them to make strange combinations of food on their plates. ®f tarn It is not the Correct Thing To allow children to talk constantly, thereby annoying one's guests. To hurry and worry their parents and other people by their anxiety to have a meal finished. To yawn or stretch themselves. To spoil every one's pleasure and contentment by being cross or quarrelsome. To tell tales about unpleasant or *'bluggy ' subjects. 152 t^t Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To have a good parquet floor, smooth, but not too slippery, and to remove all rugs therefrom. To have plenty of good music. To have a handsome supper, brilliant lights, and beautiful decorations for a ball. To decorate assembly rooms with handsome hangings, old furniture, tapestry, etc., as well as with flowers and potted plants. To provide chairs for the german. For every lady to wear her handsomest robes, her richest jewelry, at a ball. For young girls to wear white or light colors, soft transparent materials, and costumes that have a youthful effect. For the hostess to provide a dressing-room for the ladies, and one for the gentlemen, together with one or more attendants to assist the former in taking off their wraps and overshoes, and to make necessary repairs to their dresses, in case these become torn in dancing, in the course of the evening. a ©ance 153 It is not the Correct Thing To cover carpets with crash. This unwhole- some custom has gone out of fashion.' For a hostess whose drawing-rooms are small, to employ so many musicians as to make the music unpleasantly loud. To leave much furniture in a ballroom at a private house, thereby incommoding the dancers. To leave neither chairs nor sofas for the chaperones. For debuta7ites or other young girls to wear much jewelry, dark silks or velvets, or rich laces. For women with ugly scraggy necks, shoul- ders and arms, to display them in a way that is painful to the beholders. For any woman to wear a corsage cut so low as to cause general and unfavorable comment. * Almost every one now uses large rugs, which can easily be taken up for dancing. Those who have carpets nailed to the floor do sometimes use crash — but it is an unwholesome practice, the £ne particles of linen getting Into the lungs. 154 Correct t^xtxQ It is, the Correct Thing At a ball, to serve supper throughout the evening, or to serve it at a stated hour; in the latter case, a second supper of some sort wiU be needed for those who dance the cotillon. To have the cloak-bundles numbered at a public or assembly-room ball. For the giver of a large dance or ball to cause an awning to be placed at the entrance to his dwelling, together with a carpet on the steps or sidewalk; he should also employ a policeman or private servant to open the doors of the car- riages and help the ladies to get out. To have the carriages numbered at a ball given in an assembly room or public hall. For a lady to enter the room first, her husband following. For the eldest of several ladies to enter the room first, married ladies preceding single ones. For the hostess at a ball to receive her guests with a bow alone, if she wish to do so. (^t a ©ance 155 It is not the Correct Thing To give a ball or dance and provide meagre or insufficient refreshments. The hostess who should do so would excite the wrath of dowagers and dancers alike, since dancing makes people very hungr}', and the lookers-on — from sym- pathy no doubt — usually become hungry also. For all the attendants to leave the dressing- room at once, in order to see the dancing. To have careless people in attendance, who do not put each lady's wraps carefully away in a separate bundle. To have any delay in opening the street-door for the guests. For a lady to enter a room leaning on the arm of her husband or other escort. For gentlemen to neglect to speak to the young ladies of the house, or neglect to invite them to dance. For a gentleman who is not acquainted with the young ladies of the house, to neglect to be presented to them. 156 ^^e Correct t^inq It is the Correct Thing For the guests to shake hands with or make their bow to the hostess as soon as they arrive. For young gentlemen to invite the young ladies of the house to dance. For the patronesses at a subscription ball to receive the guests with a bow at once gracious and graceful. For a lady to recognize or not, as she chooses, a gentleman whom she has met at a ball. For a gentleman to send a bouquet to a lady whom he has engaged beforehand to dance the cotillon with him, although this is not ob- ligatory. For a gentleman, when he asks a young lady to dance with him, to do so in a definite and polite way.^ For a gentleman to ask his partner where he shall leave her at the conclusion of a dance ot promenade. * Thus he may say, May I have the pleasure ? " 01 " May I have the next dance, Miss ? " (^i a ©ance 157 It is not the Correct Thing For gentlemen to neglect to find and shake hands with the host, after speaking to the hostess. For a gentleman to ask a lady whom he does not know, to dance with him. In this country it is not permissible to do so. For a lady to pass without recognition a gen- tleman with whom she has danced the cotillon, or with whom she has had much conversation at a ball, where he is a young man of good character. For a gentleman to sit down in the supper- room or elsewhere at supper-time, where there are not seats enough for all, and where ladies are standing. Young men otherwise well-bred are sometimes guilty of this surprising breach of good manners. For a young lady to ask a gentleman to dance with her, to hint in any way that she should like to l>2 asked to dance, or to make it difficult for a parfiier to leave her after a dance. 158 Comet Z^irxQ It is the Correct Thing For a young lady to ask her partner to leave her with her mother or chaperone at the con- elusion of a dance. To remember that the waltz-step changes every few years, and that a blunder in dancing is very like a crime. To remember that with perseverance, practice and correct instruction, any young person who is not deformed can learn how to dance. For a gentleman to bow to a lady when asking her, or claiming her for a dance, and for both of them to bow and say " Thank you," when the dance is over. For a good waltzer to dance the germ an, even if he do not know its figures. In this case he should sit near the foot, and watch carefully the evolutions of those who precede him. For gentlemen to dance who know how to do so, and for young ladies to look pleasant and good-natured, whether they are asked to dance or not. (^f a ®ance 159 It is not the Correct Thing Pbr a gentleman to say to a lady, " Are you engaged for the polka ? '' This is a very impo- lite form of invitation. For a gentleman to ask a lady to dance with him a certain dance which he knov/s will not be given, — as " the first waltz after supper," when the cotillon is to succeed the supper. For man or woman, but especially man, to endeavor to waltz in public unless he knows the current ballroom step. For people to dance in the german when it is not their turn, particularly where the leader requests that this shall not be done. For a gentleman who is not an expert dancer, or who is not thoroughly acquainted with the figures of the german, to undertake to lead the cotillon. To introduce a gentleman to a lady without first asking her permission. For gentlem^ (?) to refuse to dance when their hostess requests them to do so. i6o Contcf t^irtQ It is the Correct Thing For a hostess to provide favors and bouquets for the cotillon. Three to six sets of favors are ordinarily used. For a gentleman to ask the hostess or a mutual friend to introduce him to a young lady with whom he wishes to dance. For a lady to refuse to dance if she wish to do so, taking care in this case to sit through- out the entire waltz, or whatever the dance may be. For a hostess to endeavor to provide all her guests with dancing partners, especially for the cotillon. For the hostess to have the assistance of one or two young men in the matter of making intro- ductions. Where a gentleman has forgotten a dance en- gagement, to apologize and show regret for his carelessness, at the same time asking the young lady to give him another dance at the next opportunity. (^f a ®ance i6i It is not the Correct Thing For gentlemen to stand around the doorways, in dismal, black-coated groups, refusing to dance because they are too lazy to do so, or because their favorite partners are dancing with other persons. For a lady to refuse the invitation of one gen- tleman, and then accept that of another for the same dance. Duels have been fought for smaller matters than this. In the opinion of many persons, for husband and wife, or for an engaged couple, to dance to- ^•ether throughout an entire evening. To forget dancing engagements, or to become engaged to two persons for the same dance. 1 62 Z^t Cottut Z^im It is the Correct Thing Where a gentleman has by mistake become engaged to two persons for the same dance, to endeavor to provide another partner for one of the ladies, especially where the dance in question is the cotillon. Where a lady has made this mistake she should apologize and release one of the gentle- men, preferably the one who asked her last. Or, where they ask her to do so, she may divide the dance between the two claimants, giving each half. For the host to lead the way to supper, taking in with him the most distinguished or the eldest lady present, and for the hostess to come last. For a gentleman to take in to supper the lady with whom he is talking when it is announced; or — For a gentleman to invite a lady beforehand to go in to supper with him, if he wish to do so. a ®ance 163 It is not the Correct Thing For young girls to remain unreasonably late at balls, having mercy neither upon their mothers nor upon their german-partners, who may per- haps be obliged to get up early and go to busi- ness next day. To go away without taking leave of one's host- ess, if she is standing near the door of exit, and sees that one is about to leave. For two gentlemen who have collided in the waltz, or who have caused their partners to do so, to glare silently and wrathfully at each other. For a gentleman to dance " stag," that is to say, dance alone, during a cotillon where some of the ladies have no partners. For a young girl to go to a subscription or public ball without a chaperone. For a gentleman who is talking to a young iady and her chaperone when supper is an- nounced, to offer his arm to the young lady, to take her to the supper-room, leaving the elder to follow as she best may. 164 Concct Zf^im It is the Correct Thing For a gentleman to ask any lady to whose wants no one seems to be attending, whether he may not bring her some refreshment. He should make a bow and withdraw at once, however, where he has been waiting upon a stranger. For a hostess to employ professional waiters at any large dance. For a gentleman to fill his own wine-glass and those of the ladies upon whom he is attending, and then to replace the bottle upon the table. To avoid even the appearance of greediness at the supper-table. For young girls to be accompanied by their maids, where they attend dances at private houses, to which their mothers have not been invited. For a gentleman to try in every possible way to prevent his partner in a round dance from fall- ing — holding her up if she slip, but releasing his hold upon her, if he finds that he himself is going down. a ®ance 165 It is not the Correct Thing For a gentleman to attempt to enter into con- versation with a lady whom he does not know^ using as a pretext for his behavior the fact that he has waited upon her at supper-time. For a gentleman to remain with a lady after supper is announced, when he is engaged to take another person in to supper, thus preventing the first lady from going in to the dining-room with some one else. For gentlemen to stand around the supper- table in such a way as to bar the approach of others, or for them to take more than their fair share of good things. For a gentleman to keep a bottle of wine under his arm, or hide it away from other people. For a gentleman to keep hold of his partner, where he finds himself falling. For young men to carry plates and dishes care- lessly through a crowded supper-room, spilling their contents on the clothes of the guests. 1 66 t^c Coned Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To go away from a ball without taking leave of the hostess, where one leaves early, or where the crowd makes it difficult to find her. For a gentleman to apologize where he has stepped on the foot or dress of his partner, or of another lady, where he has himself come into collision with others, or has caused his partner to do so. To serve supper from a large table, or to have the guests seated at small tables, with room for four or six persons at each, when the service is in courses. To have the favors arranged on two tables^ one for the gentlemen, and one for the ladies. To have the favors given out by the patron* esses, by the hostess and one or two friends, oi by the leader and his partner. For a gentleman who comes up to speak to a lady while she is talking to another man, to bow to the latter as a matter of courtesy, and by way of apology for speaking to his partnero @f a ©ance 167 It is not the Correct Thing For a gentleman who goes to a dance with one or more ladies, to neglect them at supper-time. Even if he has engaged another partner for the supper-hour, he must also see that those under his charge are attended to. To serve supper at small tables, where there are not enough waiters to attend properly to the wants of the guests. To neglect your partner in the cotillon, in order to talk with some one else. For a gentleman to hesitate, or to rise slowly, when a lady oilers him a favor in the cotillon, or holds out her hand, showing that she wishes to take him out. For a gentleman to neglect to escort to her seat, a lady with whom he has been dancing in the cotillon, or to forget to thank her. at the beginning and again at the end of the "turn." 1 68 Z^c Cotted Z^im It is the Correct Thing To have the day and hour of an afternoon tea engraved on one's visiting-card, or written if one prefer it so. To use an " At Home " card for an afternoon reception if one wish to do so.' To give simple refreshments at an afternoon tea. One need only provide tea, with thin slices of bread and butter or sandwiches, fancy biscuits or cake, coffee or chocolate ; ice cream and bouil- lon may be added to the list, also punch or lemonade. To remember that a large afternoon tea and a reception are very much alike, the latter being usually more formal in character. * The " At Home " is usually omitted, according to re< cent fashion, the card for one or more receptions couv taining, in addition to the names of the hostess and hey daughter, and their address, the d;^.y or days at home, and sometimes the hour, using letters instead of figures, foi date and hour. C^ffemoon $ea or (Rece|jfion 169 It is not the Correct Thing According to the newest fashion, to put the day of the month or the hour in figures in an engraved invitation. To use the letters a. m. or p. m. in an invita- tion, instead of oclock. To give champagne or much wine of any sort at an afternoon tea. To have the rooms over or under heated. To give a handsome supper where the guests have been invited to afternoon tea. To use a low five-o'clock tea-table where a number of guests are expected, thus obliging the hostess to jump up constantly to receive her friends, ^nd sit down as often to pour out tea. lyo 50e Comet Z^im It is the Correct Thing For those who wish to do so, to have several varieties of delicate and pretty cakes, and several kinds of sandwiches and bread and butter, also salted almonds, candies, litchi-nuts, or other dainty trifles on the afternoon tea-table.^ To give oysters, salads, pates, boned turkey, ice cream, coffee, bonbons, etc., at an afternoon reception, if one wish to do so.^ For the hostess to pour out tea at a very small and informal occasion, or at a larger one to de- pute her daughters or other young ladies to pour out tea and coffee in the dining-room or the drawing-room. * Some hostesses now give a great variety of sand- wiches, either made into a roll, or flat, and filled with let- tuce or other salad, pate-de-foies-gras, cheese, nuts of various kinds, jelly, marmalade, caviare, etc., and bread and butter of different sorts. ^ It is now the fashion to omit these more solid articles of food at afternoon occasions. Bouillon is always given at large teas in New York, in cold weather, also candies an(| chocolate. Ice cream in individual shapes may be added, also chocolate, coffee or punch /not raa,de too strong). (^ffemoon ^ea or (gecepfion 171 It is not the Correct Thing To allow the tea to stand on the leaves, since this renders it unwholesome. It should be made in an earthenware teapot, and transferred quickly to a silver one. or with a tea-ball immersed for a moment in each cup. To have tea poured out in the drawing-room when many persons are expected, because the arrangement would be an inconvenient one, and would crowd the guests. For guests to deposit their cups or plates in the drawing-room in a careless or awkward man- ner, setting them on varnished surfaces or on silken cloths, or too near the edge of a table, so that they will be likely to fall upon the floor. 172 Z^c Correct Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To have the tea poured out in the butler's pantry if more convenient to do so, and to have it passed around on a waiter by a servant, although it is "better form" to have it poured out by the hostess or her deputy. To be sure that the simple refreshments are the very best of their kind, — using the " best of butter," tea of superior quality accompanied by cream, cut white sugar and slices of lemon for those who like tea made in Russian fash- ion; also bread cut very thin and spread very daintily, with the crusts trimmed off. To have the tea and coffee kept hot by means of urns with alcohol lamps beneath them. To serve iced tea in summer, flavored with lemon. To remember that cheap English breakfast tea is not fit to drink ; while cheap Oolong tea is sometimes pretty good.^ * Ceylon teas are now thought very good. (Afternoon $ea ox (gece^jfion 173 It is nor the Correct Thing To use powdered or granulated sugar for the tea and coltee, or lump sugar with chocolate. To use cheap baker's, or poor or stale home- made cake. To prepare iced tea in such a way that it has a bitter taste. To have the tea cold or lukewarm. To have the tea " boiled," as this ruins its flavor. To use tea of an inferior quality. To give an afternoon tea (calling it by that name\ and provide coffee as the only drink, or to give a " kaffee-klatsch," and provide only tea. To make the tea with water which is not abso- lutely boiling at the moment when it is poured upon the tea-leaves. 174 Correct Z^inQ It is the Correct Thing To provide whipped cream with chocolate. For the hostess to shake hands with her guests, and receive them with cordiality. For the hostess, at a large occasion, to have the assistance of other ladies in receiving her friends. These assistant hostesses should move about the rooms, entertaining the guests, asking them to go in and take some refreshment, and making the necessary introductions. For the hostess to remain near the door (but out of the draught) at a large reception, in order that the guests may find her easily. For the ladies who receive to wear a hand- some demi-toilette, — made of silk, satin, velvet, lace or some pretty woollen material, cut down at the neck if the wearer choose, and light or dark in color. ^ * It is now thought better style to wear a high-necked gown. Young girls when receiving wear white or light colored dresses of chiffon or some pretty thin materia) made high in the neck, with long sleeves. Afternoon or (Rece|?fion 175 It is not the Correct Thing For the hostess to be stiff and formal in her manner and greetings to her guests, since an afternoon tea is an i?iformal occasion. For the hostess at a large reception to receive her friends without the assistance of some other person who can share the burden of hospitality with her. To invite guests to meet some distinguished person, and then neglect to introduce them to him. To introduce such a multitude of persons to a distinguished guest that he becomes wearied and confused. For the hostess to wear full evening-dress. For the guests to take off their bonnets when not specially invited to do so. 176 Z^c Cotttct Z^inoi It is the Correct Thing For the hostess to move about the rooms, at a small or informal occasion, conversing with hei guests and attending to their wants. For ladies who are guests to vv^ear plain tailor- made costumes, or handsome reception-dresses if they prefer, retaining their hats, but taking ofl" their outer wraps or leaving them on, at will. White or light gloves complete the visitor s costume. For gentlemen to wear formal morning-dress ; namely, black or dark frock-coat or cutaway, with high waistcoat to match, dark striped trousers, and scarf or necktie.^ To provide a dressing-room for the ladies and for gentlemen also, when they are invited. To remain at an afternoon reception half an hour or longer, if one choose to do so, and finc^ friends with whom to converse. * Present fashion permits gentlemen to wear at in- formal receptions in summer, ordinary sack suits, with white trousers if they like. (Sri (Afternoon 5ea or (gece^?(ion 177 It is not the Correct Thing To detain the hostess in conversation in such a way as to prevent her from attending to other guests. For gentlemen to come into the drawing-room wearing their overcoats, or bringing their um- brellas with them. Young ladies who are asked to assist in receiving or in waiting on the guests should not wear dark street costume, nor retain their hats. They may, hovvever, wear silk waists and dark skirts on informal occasions. For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at an afternoon occasion. To go to a lady's house to a tea or to a card reception (that is, reception for which cards of invitation have been issued) when one has not been invited. To go to every one of a series of receptions for which one has received cards. Thus if Mrs. Brown sent out cards for " Fridays in January," the same persons would not attend more than one or two of these receptions. 178 t^e Comet t^inq It is the Correct Thing To darken the windows and light the rooms by artificial light at a large and handsome recep- tion, also to decorate the house with flowers and to hire a band of musicians, if the hostess wish to do so. To have a small informal dance succeed an afternoon tea or reception, notifying beforehand the guests who are to remain and take part in it, and perhaps asking others to remain, on the spur of the moment. For the hostess to wear gloves or go without them, as she prefers. For the daughter of the house and her friends to pass the tea, sandwiches, etc., and to attend to the wants of the guests at an informal after- noon tea. To use a "curate's assistant" or tall stand made with several shelves, to hold the bread and butter and cake for an informal tea. Afternoon tea-tables with two stories are also useful. Afternoon ^ea or ^cuption 179 It is not tlie Correct Thing To handle costly bric-^-brac, or to finger cur- tains and scarves as if one were in an uphol- sterer's shop. To give even a simple afternoon tea without providing sufficient service for the comfort and convenience of the guests. Hostesses who live in the country, and have only one maid-servant, should either hire a waitress for the afternoon, or depute a daughter or some young friend to bring fresh supplies of hot water, tea-cups and saucers is they are needed, since the maid-of-all-work mil have her hands full attending to the door. I So Z^t Comet $9m0 It is the Correct Thing To remember that lunch, or luncheon, is prima- rily an informal meal. For a hostess to set before her guests either a simple and informal, or elegant and expensive entertainment, just as her tastes incline her, or as the size and nature of the occasion would appear to demand. To remember that there is very little difference between a formal luncheon and a dinner. On a ceremonious occasion, to set the table much as it would be arranged for a dinner, using lights if one wish to do so, also a profusion of flowers, silver, beautiful china and glass, and having the dishes served from the sideboard, and handed around by the servants. To seat the guests at one large table, or at several little tables, at a large luncheon. To use simple name-cards with the monogram of the hostess, or perfectly plain. For ladies to wear their bonnets or hats, and street or reception dress. ®f S^mc^ton i8i It is not the Correct Thing To invite people who are in the habit of din- ing in the middle of the day, to take lunch with you, — unless you provide something substantial for them to eat, such as meat or fish in some form. To have the dishes as substantial in character as they would be at a dinner. In the opinion of many people, to give ladies* luncheons consisting of so many and such heavy courses as to cause the guests to have headaches on the following day. To have the floral arrangements as formal or as extensive as in the case of a dinner. i or ladies to remove their hats unless especialJj? requested to do so by the hoste.?4 i82 t^t CoTUct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To use an embroidered linen or lace centre- piece, preferably round in shape, and to place also in the middle of the table, a dish of fruit or growing ferns, or flowers in a bowl, vase or low, shallow receptacle of silver, glass or china. Loving-cups are much used for this purpose. For the guests to enter the dining-room sepa- rately, instead of arm in arm, the ladies going first, and the gentlemen following them. For a club luncheon or other special occasion, to have quotations or appropriate devices on the cards. For lunch-clubs to give luncheons where the hostess is limited to a small expenditure, as fifty or twenty-five cents for each person, or five dollars for the entire repast. To fold the bread in the napkin, as at dinner. To have the first course consist of fruit or of raw oysters (or clams in summer), or of bouillon or chicken consomm^ served in cups set on plates, and accompanied with large teaspoons. 183 It is not the Correct Thing For ladies or gentlemen to wear evening dress or to keep their gloves on at table. For ladies and gentlemen to enter the dining- room arm in arm. To arrange small tables in such a way that the butler or waitress cannot conveniently pass around them to wait upon the guests. At a formal luncheon to place food on the table, with the exception of the fruit, bonbons, olives, salted almonds, small fancy cakes or similar trifles. To use menu-cards at a private house. To serve bouillon in soup-plates at a formal lunch. According to English custom, to use finger- bowls at luncheon, although they are often thus used in this country. 184 Coned Z^im It is the Correct Thing For each plate or " cover " to be accompanied by two knives, two forks, one or two spoons, a water-goblet, and (where wine is given) a sherry glass or a claret glass or both. At an elaborate luncheon, three knives and forks, a raw-oyster fork, etc., are often used. To have Apollinaris or other effervescent waters take the place of wine at ladies' lunches. To have wine set on table in decanters, or offered by the servants. Sherry and claret are the wines usually preferred, or " cup." To use bouillon cups with a cover and two handles, and saucers to match. To have tea or coffee, or both, poured out by the hostess at an informal occasion, or poured out in the pantry and handed around in small cups on a waiter by the servant, at a formal one. At an informal lunch to place the dessert on table in the first instance if one wish to do so, and to serve the vegetables from the sideboard^ the hostess helping to the chops, cold meats, etc, feunc^eon 185 »— — — ~ — — It is not the Correct Thing To give many wines, especially at a ladies' iunch. For ladies who are unaccustomed to wine to drink champagne, eat Roman punch, and finish off with a tiny glass of liqueur. A headache or worse may be the consequence. To serve wine at a luncheon for young girls. To serve champagne at luncheon, though "cup," which is weaker than punch, may be given. To attempt to make any distinction between " lunch " and " luncheon," the words having be- come practically synonymous. To serve grapefruit without removing the seeds. The fruit should be cut in half, the seeds removed from the centre, and replaced by powdered sugar, and a little maraschino poured in. Other fruit should be used when in season, as strawberries, peaches, or cantelopes cut in half, with ice in the cavity. 1 86 S^^e Coned Z^im It is the Correct Thing To have tea and coffee served in the dining- room, or drawing-room if preferred. To allow great latitude in the bill of fare at an informal occasion, — cold meats and salads, oysters in various forms, croquettes, French chops, fish, beefsteak or omelette being espe- cially suitable. To change the plates for dessert and for each course where there are several courses. At an elegant lunch-party to provide bouquets for all the ladies, placing them either beside each person's plate, or else grouped together so as to form a large centrepiece.^ To serve butter at luncheon in small balls placed on individual butter-plates, or to have a separate plate for the bread and butter, and to have the latter passed from the sideboard. * It is now more customary to give one or two flowers or a bunch of violets. A rose with long stem, a chrys- anthemum or a few carnation pinks may be laid at each place, though the fashion of giving flowers in this way is on the wane. (^f feunc^eon 187 Is is not the Correct Thing According to English custom, to give tea or coffee at lunch. To give more than half a grapefruit or melon to each person. At a private luncheon to place vegetables on the table as at dinner. For a person to take her leave before the luncheon is over, and while the guests are still sitting at table. This procedure has been called — with more wit than elegance — "To Grab, Gobble, and Go." As the duration of a lunch- party is very uncertain however, a lady may sometimes be compelled to leave early, espe- cially where she has been invited to an " informal lunch " which proves to be a formal one. For a guest in her zeal for trophies to carry off cards or other decorations that the other ladies have omitted to take, or that are not intended for distribution.^ * It has now ceased to be the fashion to give favors at luncheons. 1 88 Cotxeci Z^im It is the Correct Thing According to English custom, to have the ser- vants leave the dining-room at an informal lunch, after helping the guests to the joint, vege- tables and wine, leaving the host and hostess to help to the entrees and sweets. To provide each guest with a boisbonniere or other pretty trifle if the hostess like to do so.^ To use a white cloth, or one richly ornamented with drawn-work and embroidery. ^ To issue formal or informal invitations to lunch, according to the nature of the occasion. Usually such invitations are written in the first person, or are given by word of mouth. To send word to the hostess at once if pre vented from going to a formal luncheon, aftei having accepted the invitation. ' See note on preceding page. *It is now fashionable to use a polished mahogany table with no cloth, and dainty mats under the dishes. (See ante.) It is now possible to have a table finishe«J in such a way that hot dishes leave no mark upon it. (^f feunc^eon 189 It is not the Correct Thing For guests to remain long after luncheon, as the hostess may have other engagements. At a form_al luncheon, to omit to provide each person with a silver knife for spreading butter on the bread. To serve chocolate alone after an elaborate luncheon, owing to its heavy and rather indigest- ible character. To introduce a novelty unsuited to the occa- sion simply because it is a novelty. To use a cloth which will not wash. To delay in answering an invitation to a formal lunch, thus incommoding the hostess. To stay away from a formal luncheon after accepting an invitation to attend one. To criticise, behind her back, the hostess who has been kind enough to entertain you, or to find fault with the entertainment itself. 190 Cotnd €^im It is the Correct Thing For the butler to wear dark morning costume. For the guests to arrive punctually. For those who wish to do so to invite guests to late or French breakfast {dejeuner a la four- chette)^ which does not differ materially from our luncheon, taking place rather earlier, however, — say at twelve or one o'clock. To have luncheon at one, or half-past one o'clock, and to send out the invitations one or two weeks in advance. According to recent fashion, a formal luncheon begins with fruit (in winter, grapefruit) followed by clam broth with whipped cream on top, or bouillon. The fish comes next — succeeded by an entree if desired. French chops with French pease or string beans, or filet of beef represents the " solid course," followed by salad, with birds if desired. Ices, candies and coffee compiete the bill of fare unless fruit also is offered. (^f ^mc^con 191 It is not the Correct Thing For the butler to wear evening dress (although it is often done). For the hostess to be disappointed or troubled if her guests fail to do justice to an elaborate lunch, since " dieting " has become so general that it bids fair to overthrow the elaborate and indigestible ladies' lunch. To talk gossip or scandal at a ladies' luncheon. 192 mof 211 It is not the Correct Thing For the bride to be late in arriving at the church. For the clergyman to kiss the bride, — al- though it was formerly customary for him to do so. For the bridegroom to provide a wedding-ring that is so large as to look vulgar. For the bridegroom to forget to provide the ring, or to drop it on the floor. For the bride to bow and smile, or look at people, as she enters or leaves the church. For the bride to wear a decollete costume at a wedding in a Roman Catholic church.^ * It is now the custom for brides to wear high-necked and long-sleeved gowns. Decollete dresses are no longer seen, unless occasionally at an evening wedding. 212 ^^e Comet t^xtiQ It is the Correct Thing For the rest of the bridal procession to leave the church in the inverse order from that in which they entered it. At the conclusion of the marriage service, for the maid of honor or first bridesmaid to remove the veil from the bride's face, (a separate piece of tulle, easily detachable, is generally used for this purpose)^ and to arrange the bride's train, as she turns to leave the altar. For half the bridesmaids to stand near the bride, and the other half near the groom, at a wedding-reception. ^ For the ushers to remain near the door of the drawing-room at a wedding-reception, escorting the guests as fast as they arrive, to the bridal party, presenting them by name to the bride and groom, and then to the parents. Or the guests may walk in by themselves if they prefer to do so. ' Or they may all stand together. Sot a We^^tng 213 It is not the Correct Thing For the bride to scold the spectators in or around the entrance of the church, even should they be so thoughtless as to crowd about her in a disagreeable manner. For the father to say aloud " Her father " when asked who gives the bride away, — or for him to bow in an exaggerated way. For the guests to leave the pews before the families of the bride and bridegroom have passed down the aisle. White satin ribbons are often stretched down the aisle, to act as barriers, be- fore the entrance of the bridal party. They are removed after the bridal cortege and the families of the bride and groom have passed out. 214 Cotuct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing For the ushers to see that all the ladies are provided with refreshments. For the bride to retire from the reception after an hour and a iialf or more, and put on her trav- elling-dress, intimate friends and relatives re- maining to see her departure. For a bride to dance a square dance, if she wish to do so, at her own wedding, although usually she does not dance at all. To exhibit the presents privately to intimate friends before or after the wedding.' For the friends of the groom to give presents to him as well as to the bride, if they wish to do so. To give articles of silver or jewelry, pictures, fine engravings, bric-k-brac, handsome lamps, books, china or glass ware, or other articles of ornament or use to a bride, marked (if at all) with her maiden name or initials. ' It is now usual to show the presents at the time of the wedding, in an up-stairs room, or one somewhat apart from the rooms where the guests are received. Sor a ^c^Un^ 215 It is not the Correct Thing For enthusiastic friends to throw old shoes with such force as to break the carriage windows or frighten the horses. According to the present fashion, to dance at a wedding, though occasionally there is dancing at an evening wedding. For a bride to dance waltzes or other round dances, or to dance much at her own wedding. To make the departure of the bridal pair an ex- cuse for rowdyism, the ringing of bells and the like. In the opinion of some persons, to exhibit the wedding-presents on the day of the marriage; because this custom leads to an ostentatious dis- play of wealth and a rivalry in the purchase of expensive gifts which threaten to vulgarize the sending of wedding-presents, and to change into a mere mercenary matter that which should be an affair of real sentiment.' In the opinion of some persons, to leave cards on wedding presents, when they are displayed. * See note on opposite page. 2i6 Comet $9mg It is the Correct Thing To remember that articles of the giver's own handiwork are appropriate and acceptable wed- ding-gifts, however simple they may be, since they show a real sentiment. To be married in the morning rather than the evening, although some persons still prefer the latter. » To have the boxes of wedding-cake piled on a table at the reception, that each guest may take a box away with him. Or a servant may stand at the door, and hand a box to each person as he departs. At a house-wedding for the clergyman to enter first and face the company, the bridal pair enter- ing together and facing him. After the cere- mony is over, the clergyman retires, and the bridal couple turn round in their places and re- ceive their friends, near relatives and very dear friends kissing the bride. * Many weddings now take place in the afternoon. Sot a We^^ing 217 It is not the Correct Thing To give presents to the groom instead of to the bride. To have wedding-presents marked with the bride's future name or initials, as this is consid- ered unlucky. To send out boxes of wedding-cake to all one's acquaintance. For a guest at a reception to take more than one box of cake, unless requested 10 do so. According to modern custom for the guests in general to kiss the bride. 2i8 t^t Comet t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing For a bride to be married in travelling-dress and to omit the reception if she wish, inviting all her friends or only a very few persons to the church. According to recent fashion, the bridegroom may have a best man at a house-wedding. They take their places on the left of the clergyman. An aisle is marked off with white satin ribbon, usually by the ushers. The ushers then head the bridal cortege, followed in some cases by one bridesmaid or by several bridesmaidens, the bride entering last with her father. For a widow to wear a light-colored silk or a travelling-dress and bonnet on the occasion of her second marriage. For the bride to drop her middle name and retain her family name in its place, if she wish to do so. For those who have been invited to a wedding, to entertain the bridal pair in the course of the ensuing season. Sor a We^^ing 219 It is not tlie Correct Thing For the guests to drink too much wine at a wedding reception, as young men, and perhaps others, sometimes do. To make a house-wedding as formal as one that takes place at church. Best man and bridesmaids do not often appear at the former. For a widow to continue to wear her first wed- ding-ring after her second marriage. For a widow to wear a bridal veil, orange- blossoms or white attire at her second wedding. To expect that newly married people will entertain extensively or expensively. For a bride to wear her bridal veil or orange- blossoms on any occasion subsequent to her marriage. 220 Correct ^$mg It is the Correct Thing For a young married couple to hold one or two receptions after the marriage, or for the bride to issue cards for one or more afternoon teas, or for the parents of the bride or groom to give a reception in honor of the young couple. For those who choose to do so, to omit the wedding-tour and to make the retirement of the honeymoon extremely short. ^ To word the announcement of a marriage in this way : Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Newcome an- nounce^ the marriage of their daughter Mary Louisa to Mr. Timothy Titcomb, on Friday morning, October eighteenth, at Trinity Church, New York. * It is now fashionable to spend the honeymoon at the. country-house of a friend, the latter being of course absent. * Or better, " have the honor to announce." Sot a Webbing 221 It is not the Correct Thing To neglect to send cards in acknowledgment of the receipt of a wedding-announcement. To neglect to call upon the bride and her parents, when one has been invited to the wedding. For a woman who believes herself a man's equal, to promise to obey him, as if she were a child or an inferior. For a bride to neglect to return promptly the calls made upon her, especially where she is living among those who are strangers to her. To word the announcement of a marriage like 1. wedding-notice in a newspaper. 2 22 Cotuct t^inQ It is the Correct Thing To wear a costume appropriate to the occa- sion. To make the expenditure for one's clothing proportionate to one's income. To dress becomingly. To avoid wearing showy or striking costumes, especially in the street. To dress in such a way that the clothes appear of less consequence than the wearer. To remember that a dress which is intended to do long and constant service should be of a color that does not soil readily, and should be made plainly. Elaborate trimmings soon become shabby. To remember that it is far more desirable to have a dress made to fit the figure of the wearer, and the draperies made to hang in a graceful manner, than to have elaborate trimmings upon one's gown. To remember that each material has its own appropriate and proper style. 3n (giafters of ©tress 223 It is not the Correct Thing To appear in a costume which is more or less handsome than the occasion warrants. To do the former seems to show an undue vanity ; to do the latter implies a lack of respect for the hostess and her guests. To carry all one's worldly possessions on one's back, like a snail. No one who dresses more expensively than he can afford is respected for doing so. To imitate the style and make-up of a Worth costume in a home-made calico dress. The style which is appropriate to a silk dress is not usually suitable for a cheap material. To put handsome and expensive trimmings on a cheap material. 2 24 Cottut Z^inc^ It is the Correct Thing To remember that it is for the interest of the dressmaker to make a costume as elaborate as possible, and for the interest of the client to prune the exuberant fancy of the tailor. To remember that a woman who is pinched in at the waist with tight corsets, throttled around the neck with a tight collar, and cramped as to her feet with tight, high-heeled shoes, will walk about as gracefully as a swan on a turnpike- road. For every woman who can afford it to have a full-length mirror, in which she can see her whole figure at once. To consider carefully what colors, styles and materials are suitable and becoming to the figure, height, age and complexion of the person who is to wear them. To remember that a person who has not a good figure should endeavor to dress in such a way as to soften its defects rather than to dis- play them. 3n (gtaffet0 of ®ife0fif 225 It is not the Correct Thing To be the blind slave of any dressmaker or tailor. To endeavor to make over the human form divine into a poor imitation of a very inferior animal, — the wasp. To sacrifice ease, comfort, health and beauty to the momentary demand of an ugly and unbe- coming fashion. To study the effect of a costume in front only, forgetting to take into consideration the side and rear views of the same. For a tall woman to copy the dress of a short one, a fat woman that of a thin one, a pale woman that of a florid one, — in a word, for any person thoughtlessly to imitate the dress of another, the style of which may be wholly un- suited to the imitator. For women with arms like drum-sticks to wear skin-tight sleeves. 226 t^t Correct t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To remember that grace is more pleasing than beauty. To remember that a very tall woman should wear a long, plain skirt, especially if she have a short waist. The lines of the skirt should be broken by trimming in order to make them appear shorter, wherever the tyranny of fashion permits. For a short woman to make the lines of the skirt as long as possible. To produce this effect the trimming should be placed up and down the breadths instead of across them, or put near the bottom of the dress. A short person should also avoid basques, except very short ones. For a very stout person to wear dark colors (which make one look smaller), and fine, closely woven materials. To dress in a style suited to one's age. To remember that good, well-fitting gloves and shoes, and a fresh hat or bonnet, are very im- portant items in one's costume. 3n (glatfeifs of ©tress 227 It is not the Correct Thing For people with ugly, angular and high-shoul- dered or very stout figures to display them with- out any effort at softening or concealment. For a very tall, slender woman to wear a broad, flaring round hat, or a very high hat. For a short woman to wear much trimming on a skirt, thus making her height appear less than it really is. For a small person to wear large plaids or broad stripes. For a tall woman to wear a short dress. For a short-waisted woman to wear a belt. For a very stout person to wear loose rough cloth, which makes the wearer look larger than she really is. To wear boots, gloves or any garment from which one or more buttons are missing. 228 ^^e Correct Z^iriQ It is the Correct Thing To take off one's gloves at a dinner, luncheon or breakfast party, or at any " sit-down " meal. To wear garments that harmonize with one another in color and style, as well as in quality. To remember that a person's age is shown by the lines about the throat and neck, and that bonnets with strings fastening under the chin are therefore more becoming to middle-aged or elderly women than round hats or stringless bonnets, although at the present moment, strings are out of fashion. For middle-aged or elderly women to wear soft and becoming colors, and to remember that while beauty may be denied to them, they should nevertheless be able to present a tasteful, and harmonious and therefore agreeable appearance. To use white face-powder with a very sparing hand, if one be minded to do so. Many people do not approve of the use of powder, but it is not thought to be in " bad form," like the use of rouge. 3n (gaffers of ®res0 229 It is not the Correct Thing To take off one's gloves at a ball-supper^ afternoon tea or at any " stand-up " collation. To wear a very handsome and expensive bonnet with a cheap dress or mantle. To wear when one is forty years of age the colors which were becoming at sixteen, forget- ting that the tints of the complexion necessarily change as one grows older. For middle-aged or elderly women to suppose that no one cares how they look, and to cease to pay any attention to the aesthetics of dress. To use hair-oil of any description. To dye the hair of a golden or any other color, or to use red, black or white paint, u To dress in a loud, fast or flashy style. 230 Z^^ Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To use a very little perfume of the best quality, if one desire to do so. For gentlemen to wear evening-dress at a late dinner and in the evening, at home or when calling. For gentlemen always to wear a narrow tie of white lawn or some similar material with even- ing-dress. To remember that clean linen covers a multi- tude of sins, and that a linen collar should never see a second sun. To remember that it is now extremely fashion- able to have clean, soft and well-cared-for hands and nails, and to employ a manicure or be one's own manicure. To wear a short skirt for shopping and gen- eral street wear, also for paying informal visits in the morning. To wear a clean, fresh shirt-waist, of washable material, in the morning. White is the color most in favor. 3n (gXaffers of ®res0 231 It is not the Correct Thing To use a quantity of perfumery. For a gentleman, under any circumstances, to wear evening-dress before the hour for late dinner (six o'clock). For a gentleman to wear white cravats or ties in winter, except with evening-dress.^ To wear any clothing that is soiled, espe- cially soiled collars or cuffs. The sight of these is peculiarly offensive to fastidious people. To economize in the matter of fresh pocket- handkerchiefs. ' To wear a "made-up" white lawn string tie. This is considered " bad form " and indeed all made-up ties are objected to by those who are exact in matters of dress. *The reference in the text is to nan'ow ties. White silk four-in-hand ties are worn with formal morning-dress. 232 Z^t Comcf Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To wear a short tailor-made skirt of cloth or other heavy material, when riding the bicycle, or playing golf. To wear, when riding on horseback, a habit of black or dark cloth, made very simply, and much shorter than formerly. Habit skirts are now made to fit the figure, and just cover the foot when the lady is in the saddle. A derby hat and riding-boots or shoes complete the costume. For short and stout women to eschew shirt- waists, especially those of a different color from the skirt. Owing to the frequent changes of fashion, to have a comparatively small wardrobe, each cos- tume being well selected and kept in perfect repair. To be dressed tastefully, but in a quiet and simple manner. J For men to wear in the daytime, where formal dress is not called for, informal morning-dress, 3n (glaffets of ©tess 233 It is not the Correct Thing To wear a bicycle or rainy-day skirt when making a formal call. To wear an excessively short skirt at any time. To wear a long skirt in the street, without holding It up. One who lets her dress sweep the sidewalk presents a very untidy and un- pleasant appearance, and collects disease germs as well. To wear in the street a waist made of such thin material as to show the neck and arms of the wearer. To wear ill-fitting, baggy, untidy or faded looking shirt-waists at any time. To have the hair present the appearance of never having been brushed or combed. 234 Covtut Z^im It is the Correct Thing that is to say, sack or cutaway coat, with waist- coat and trousers to match, black, tan or russet shoes as preferred, white or colored shirt, tie and hat of almost any style in fashion, save the high silk hat. The black cutaway coat is more formal, and calls for striped trousers, black enamel or patent leather shoes, derby or silk hat. The black cutaway is a convenient coat, and may be worn to church. It is not worn so much now as formerly, but is used as a substi- tute for a frock coat, by those who do not pos- sess the latter. For men to wear, on any occasion calling for formal dress in the daytime (/. e. before six or seven o'clock in the evening), such as a wedding, an afternoon reception, at church, etc., formal morning-dress, or as it is often called, afternoon- dress, namely, black frock coat and waistcoat, striped trousers of quiet color, white shirt, silk hat, patent or enamelled leather shoes, buttoned or laced, four-in-hand or ascot tie, kid or dog-skin 3n (^^-affers of ©tess 235 It is not the Correct Thing To wear a silk hat with a sack coat or, in the opinion of some persons, with any tailless coat, such as a Tuxedo. To wear a colored shirt with a frock coat. To wear a bow or string tie with a frock coat. To wear russet shoes with a frock coat. 236 C^e Comet ^^ing It is the Correct Thing gloves of dark gray, tan or whatever color may be in fashion. Evening shades should not be worn. . For men to wear for late dinner and all even- ing occasions, evening-dress, namely, swallow- tail coat, with trousers and low-cut waistcoat of the same material, narrow white lawn tie (" string " tie), white dress shirt, black silk stock- ings and patent leather shoes, button or Con- gress, or pumps. The Tuxedo tailless dinner- coat or dinner-jacket, is much used as a sub- stitute for the swallow-tail, for informal occasions in the evening, /. e. for men's dinners, the theatre (save at a theatre party), informal dinners at the house of a friend, on Sunday evening, etc. A white shirt, narrow black silk tie, trousers and low-cut waist-coat of the same material as the coat, go with it, also patent leather shoes. 3n (Staffers of ©ress 237 It is not the Correct Thing _ For men to wear white gloves in the daytime, unless possibly at a wedding. For an usher at a wedding in the daytime to wear any other coat than a frock coat, except on a very informal occasion. 238 Z^e Comet Z^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To return the salutations of all who greet you, servants and tradespeople included. To move the whole head and not the eyebrows alone, when making a bow. To bow in a courteous as well as decided manner. To bow respectfully to an elder or a superior. To bow once only to the same person on a public drive or promenade where people con- stantly pass and repass each other. To keep to the right, as the law directs. To refrain from staring at the passers-by, good-looking or the reverse. When in doubt to apply to a policeman for any necessary directions. For a gentleman to turn aside for a lady whom he meets when crossing, etc., and for a younger person to give the path to an older one.* * This custom, almost universal in America, does not prevail to the same extent on the continent of Europe. A German officer yields to no one, it is said. 3n f^e ^freef 239 It is not the Correct Thing To " cut " any person, unless for very grave causes. To nod in a familiar manner, unless it be to an intimate friend/ To turn and look after any one who has passed by. To obstruct the sidewalk by standing and talking in the middle of it. To gaze up into the sky or down into the gutter, and in consequence, run against other pedestrians. To carry a cane, umbrella or other object so that it will rest in the small of your neighbor's back. To call to another person on the opposite side of the street. To be dressed in a showy manner or in a way calculated to attract special attention. To talk or laugh loud. * There is at the present time a regrettable tendency to substitute the nod for the bow. 240 2^5e Correct Z9^nq It is the Correct Thing For a gentleman walking with a lady to fal^ back on meeting another gentleman with a lady where there is not room enough for all four to- pass abreast. Parties of ladies meeting eacb otner should follow the same rule. 3n f^e ^ttcd 241 It is not the Correct Thing For three or four persons to walk abreast in a crowded street, thus inconveniencing other people. To eat candy, peanuts or anything else. To wear much jewelry. A lady should wear neither bracelet nor necklace when walking in the street. To crowd those whom you meet off the curb- stone or in a rural locality, off the plank-walk or flagstone on to the unpaved part of the walk. For the young college athlete to be so jealous of his right to a certain share of the sidewalk as to bump against the men who refuse to turn out, or to give them a " shoulder-lift " in football style. 242 Covtect Z^im It is the Correct Thing For a Lady To take a gentleman's arm in the evening un- less her hands should be fully occupied with her muff, or in holding up her dress. To bow first to a gentleman. Where two ladies are under the escort of one gentleman, for one of them only to take his arm, tne other lady walking by her side. 3n f^e ^fteef 243 It is not the Correct Thing For a Lady To wear a breastpin on a coat or other outside garment. To take a gentleman's arm in the daytime, unless it be in a crowded thoroughfare, on a slippery pavement, or under any other circum- stances where it may be necessary for protection or support. For two ladies to take each an arm of the same gentleman. For one lady to take the arms of two gentle- m'^n, unless she be learning to skate. 244 Conect S^^tn^ It is the Correct Thing For a Gentleman To offer his arm to a lady whom he is escort ing in the evening. To offer his arm to an elderly or infirm lady at any time when he is walking with her. To offer his arm to a lady when the street or road is slippery, when they are passing through a crowd, or wherever it may be necessary to do so for her protection or support. To take the curbstone side of the street when walking with a lady, or — To take the left side in a crowded thorough- fare, that he may shield the lady from the elbows of the passers-by. When walking with a lady, to carry all her parcels, especially if they be heavy ones. If he wish to speak to a lady, to ask her per- mission to turn round and walk with her in the direction in which she is going. 3n t^e ^freef 245 It is not the Correct Thing For a Gentleman To allow a lady with whom he is walking to be jostled by the elbows of the passers-by. To allow a lady to pick up a parcel which she has dropped, without making any effort to assist her. To keep a lady standing in the street while he talks with her. To bow first to a lady.* To cut a lady under any circumstances. To keep his hands in his pockets, especially if he is about to bow to a lady. To use profane language, especially within the hearing of ladies. To be unduly quarrelsome or to take offence unnecessarily at some imaginary insult to the ladies under his escort, since such conduct would bring the latter into a publicity most dis- tasteful to women of refinement. * As a matter of practice, friends bow simultaoeousW, 246 Correcf t^itxQ It is the Correct Thing To raise his hat, — Firsf, When he bows to a lady or an elderly gentleman or a clergyman. Second^ When he is with a lady who bows to any person, even if such person be a total stranger to him. TAird, When he salutes a gentleman who is in the company of ladies. Fourth^ When he is in the company of another gentleman who bows to a lady. Fifths When he is with a lady and meets a gentleman whom he knows. Sixth, When he offers any civility to a lady who is a stranger to him. Seventh, When he parts with a lady after speak- ing to her, or after driving or walking with her, etc.* ^The removal or raising of the hat is one of the im- portant trifles distinguishing a gentleman. He raises it when presented to a lady, when she first speaks to him or he addresses her, when he passes her on a stairway 3n f^e ^freef 247 It is not tlie Correct Thing To neglect to apologize if he has by accident stepped upon a lady's dress or brushed against her, in passing by. To put letters or parcels in his hat, — since they will be liable to drop out when he re- moves it. To smoke in a frequented thoroughfare or promenade. To smoke while walking, riding or driving with a lady, or while speaking to her in the street. For a lady to omit to ask a gentleman to re- sume his hat, if he keep it off, when speaking to her at the door of her carriage, in the street, etc. For a gentleman to neglect to give a lady whom he knows an opportunity to bow to him. or elsewhere where apology is due, when she thanks hiir for any little service. Where a lady fails to recognize a young man whom she has recently invited to her houst^ he may remove his hat, without looking at her. 248 Concci Z^im It is the Correct Thing To remove his hat with his left hand when bowing to a lady who will be likely to shake hands with him ; otherwise, — To remove it with the hand farthest from her. To keep his hat on in a shop, at the entrance of a theatre, or in the corridors of a hotel, if he wish to do so. To take off his hat when he enters a private office. When escorting a lady to her house, to wait until she is admitted before taking his departure. To throw away his cigar or at least remove it from his mouth, when bowing to a lady. For a gentleman to remove his hat in an ele vator or in the corridors of a hotel, where there are ladies. 3n f^e ^freef 249 It is not the Correct Thing To omit to raise his hat when introduced to a gentleman or when acknowledging a ser\-ice done by the latter to the lady whom he is escorting. To leave a lady whom he is escorting at the foot of the steps of her house. It would be especially impolite for him to do so in the evening. To keep a cigar in his mouth when bowing to a lady. To hold a cigar in his hand when talking with a lady, unless he apologize for doing so. To keep his hat on in Memorial Hall, Cam- bridge. Harvard students especially resent this lack of respect for the illustrious dead. To force a bowing acquaintance on a person whom one knows slightly where the latter ap- pears not to desire it. To keep his hat on in an elevator where there Jire ladies, or in the upper or more private corri- ior? of a hotel, apartment house or theatre. 250 Cotted ^^ing It is the Correct Thing To remember that Louis Quatorze was in the habit of expressing twelve or more grades of respect or cordiality by the form of his salute. Following this illustrious example, one may retu' ft by a formal but polite bow the salutation <^ \ person whom one knows slightly. 3n f^e ^ttut 251 It is not tlie Correct Thing To bow first to a person of higher social posi- tion and exclusive views, where only a slight acquaintance exists. To be quick to take offence where one is not recognized, since elderly, near-sighted or absent- minded people often fail to observe those whom they meet. 252 S^^e Correct Z^inQ It is the Correct Thing To be well dressed in garments of quiet colors and made of woollen or some other suit- able material. To remember that travelling is one of the severest tests of good breeding, and that a gentleman who is worthy of the name will b<^- have as well abroad as at home. If one bring his own luncheon, to have it neatly put up in a napkin, and to have the food arranged so that it can be eaten conveniently and with nicety. To be very careful in carrying bundles and umbrellas through a crowded car to hold them in such a way that they will not discommode one's fellow passengers. For a lady to carry as little luggage by hand as possible, especially when travelling with a gentleman. To attend to the checking of one's own luggage or to go with the person who does so. in order to avoid the possibility of mistake. ^^en ttc^Mffin^ 253 It is not the Correct Thing To be dressed In a showy manner or to wear garments of light and delicate colors or made of rich materials. To think that any clothes, no matter how shabby they may be, are good enough to wea^ while one is travelling. To assume airs of superiority over one's fellow travellers, or to talk for their benefit. To talk or laugh loud or to giggle. To eat at short and frequent intervals during a journey or to leave the debris of one's food on the window-ledge, seat or floor of the car or boat. To carry bandboxes, bird-cages, newspaper bundles, growing plants, more than one basket or numerous packages of any sort. For ladies travelling with gentlemen to annoy the latter with unpunctuality or unreasonable and unnecessary requests, or for gentlemen to " harry " those under their charge by constantb worrying lest they should lose the txa^^ 254 Comet t^^inq It is the Correct Thing To have one's trunk maiked with the owner's name. For a gentleman to offer to attend to a lady's luggage, leaving her meantime in the ladies' room. For a gentleman to buy the tickets and assist in checking the luggage of a lady who is under his charge; he should also give her her choice of seats, put her bundles in the rack, offer to get her refreshments, newspapers or books, and ask her, in the course of a journey of several hours, whether she would not like to walk up and down the platform at the stations. For a gentleman to accompany to her final destination a young or inexperienced woman who is under his charge, where no friend comes to meet her at the dock or station ; he should do the same thing for an elderly woman, if the hour of arrival be late at night, or if any other circum- stance render it unfit for her to travel without his protection. T^^en $ra)>effmg 255 It is not the Correct Thing For a gentleman to leave a lady standing alone in a crowded station while he attends to her luggage. To insist upon being at each station an hour before the train or boat starts. For men who can read the sign " Ladies' Cabin," calmly to take their seats in a part of the ferry-boat which does not belong to them, allowing the rightful occupants to stand up. To expect a gentleman other than an intimate friend, to accompany a lady who has been casu- ally put under his charge, beyond the railroad station at the end of her journey, unless circuny staiices render this imperative. 256 3:0e Comet Z^im It is the Correct Thing For a lady to repay a gentleman for her travel- ling expenses. For a young lady or an inexperienced one, to have her friends meet her in the station at the end of a railroad journey. To refrain from swearing at the employes of a railroad, and from quarrelling with them. For a gentleman to offer to help a lady who appears to be in need of assistance, even though she be a stranger to him. Thus if a lady should be burdened with many packages, or should have several children under her care, it might be diffi- cult for her to change cars or go on shore from a steamboat, alone and unaided. For a gentleman to offer to open or shut the window for any lady. For one gentleman to talk with another who is a stranger to him, if this be mutually agree- able. To remember that the reporter also travelleth, and to be wary of what one says to strangers. nOJ^en $ra>?effmg 257 It is not the Correct Thing For a young lady travelling alone to take a hack at a railroad station in New York or any other large city with which she is not thoroughly acquainted. For women to consider that their privileges are their rights, or to forget to bow graciously and thank courteously and audibly any one who may have shown them any politeness. To force your conversation upon any one who evidently does not desire to hear it. To talk about one's own private affairs or those of anybody else, with a stranger. For gentlemen (?) to try to enter into conver- sation with young ladies who are unknown to them. For young ladies to enter into conversation with or accept favors from strangers, especially if these be young men. 258 Cottcct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing For married or elderly ladies who are making a long journey, to converse with their fellow travellers in moderation, — if this should be agreeable to both parties. To remember that in ordinary cases, a travel- ling acquaintance is considered to end with the day's journey. Where a number of people are waiting to enter a railway car or public conveyance of any sort, for the men to stand aside and allow the ladies to pass in first. This elementary law of good breeding is sometimes broken by those who know better. To ask a person sitting in the same seat with yourself if he would like to look at your news- paper. To turn over a car-seat (which has been re* versed to form a resting-place for bundles, etc.) where it is the only unoccupied one in the car, after inquiring politely whether it be engaged or not It is not the Correct Thing To be on familiar terms with one's fellow passengers on a sea-voyage or a long over- land journey, and then treat them as strangers at a subsequent meeting. To weary a travelling companion with a con- stant and uninterrupted flow of conversation. To call upon a person whom one has met in travelling, unless especially invited to do so. To sit down in the same seat with a stranger in a railroad-car without any preface or apology. It is especially rude for a gentleman to treat a lady in this way. To expect to take up more than one place in a seat when the car is full, or to turn over a seat and then look daggers at a person who dares to take an unoccupied place in it. To intrude one's self on a party of people who have turned over a seat, when there are other vacant places in the same car. To crush or crowd or jostle against people in getting on or of? cars or ferry-boats. 26o Comet Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To reply politely if any one speak to you. To read part of the time, when travelling in company with another person, after having offered him (or her) a book or paper. To behave at a hotel table as one would at a table in a private house ; that is, in a quiet and gentlemanly or ladylike manner. In a railway-carriage, to ask a person whether the vacant half of his seat be engaged, before sitting down in it. To be quiet and courageous in the presence of danger. For a gentleman to offer his seat to a lady who is standing in a railway-carriage. It may not perhaps be considered obligatory to do this, but it would certainly be polite. To wait till the passengers who wish to leave, have had a chance to get off a train, boat or car, before attempting to get on board one's self. To say " sir," or " madam," when speaking to or thanking a stranger. nr^en $ra)?effing 261 It is not tlie Correct Thing To put one's feet on the seats. For a person, not the owner of an accident policy, to put his head, arms or feet out of the car window. To imagine that it is necessary to eat every- thing within reach at table d'hote dinner, in order to get one's money's worth. To sing or talk loud on the deck of a steam- boat or outside the staterooms, after the rest of the passengers have gone to bed. To scream or shriek or behave with selfish- ness or brutality in time of danger, or to imagine that all women are cowards and all men brave. To take a chair which another person has just vacated, without waiting to see whether he means to return to it. To allow the porter to brush you off in such a way as to throw dust on other people. To take more than one's fair share of time for dressing in a sleeping-car, thus keeping other ladies out of the dressing-room. 262 Cpe Cotxcci Jging It is the Correct Thing To remember that the world is very small and that it is very unsafe to behave ill in a foreign country, imagining that the news of one's be- havior will never reach home. To remember that the partition-walls on steamers and ships and even in hotels, are very thin, and to avoid reciting one's family history loud enough for the occupant of the next state- room or chamber to hear it. To accept cheerfully the small, inevitable ills of any unpleasant situation. To keep the American eagle very quiet when one is travelling in foreign countries. Where the employes of a railroad company do not carry out the rules or where the service is not as advertised, to call the matter to their atten- tion courteously but firmly, and if the occasion warrant, to complain to the proper officials, not from spite or a spirit of revenge, but in order to maintain the rights and comfort of the travelling public. ^^en $tai?efftng 263 It is not the Correct Thing To say, in case of a slight squall at sea, Captain, is there a7iy Jiope left? " To instruct the ignorant foreigner about his own country or customs, since he probably will not value the information. To treat the natives of a foreign country' in a condescending or supercilious manner. To pull up a window-shade in a car, where this will throw the sun into your neighbor's eyes, or to pull it down in such a way as to deprive 'lim of light, when he is reading. To grumble constantly at the accommodations for travellers or at the lack of the same. To make unfavorable comparisons between one's own town or country and the locality where one happens to be. 264 59e €omcf Z^ing^ I III! It is the Correct Thing To remember that swearing at foreign officials is a dangerous game, and that those who play at it often find themselves in prison. To remember that those who are in the seat behind feel the draught from an open windo\9 more strongly than the person who is sitting beside it. In approaching a ticket office or at the cus- tom-house, to keep in line and not seize a place to which one has no right. To show proper respect to the worshippers when one is within the precincts of any religious edifice, taking off one^s hat, moving about quietly, if at all, and avoiding anything that might offend the belief or prejudices of others. To remember that the traveller is the natural prey of the landlord. To ask one's relatives or intimate friends when they are about to visit other cities or countries, if they can conveniently execute a few small com- missions, and to give them the money therefor. W^en $tai?effmg 265 It is not the Correct Thing To fee employes extravagantly, thus making a vulgar ostentation of wealth, and forcing people of moderate means to pay an exorbitant tariff or suffer from neglect. To open a window in a railroad-car without asking those who are sitting within reach of the draught whether they object to it. To talk out loud or (for a gentleman) to keep his hat on in a religious edifice. To smoke in cars or in public places in the presence of ladies. To spit on the floors of public conveyances, waiting-rooms, railway stations, etc.^ To ask any one to execute a shopping com- mission abroad without giving him the money necessary to pay for it. To ask acquaintances or persons who are not one's intimate friends, to execute commissions while they are travelling in Europe or elsewhere. * This nuisance has been abated in recent years and an effort is being made to prevent spitting on tlxe sidewalks JlsO) *s tending to ooctimu,iiicate disease. 266 Cotud Z^im It is the Correct Thing To tell the truth at the custom-house. To remember that it is neither customary nor safe for a lady to walk abroad alone in the cities of Continental Europe.' For older ladies to give friendly advice in a kindly spirit, to young ladies travelling alone, if they see occasion for so doing. Where one is obliged to occupy a stateroom or cabin with other persons, to be courteous to and considerate of them, whether they be friends or strangers. For a lady to take off her hat at the opera or theatre, lest it obstruct the view of those sitting behind her. ■ This state of affairs has been somewhat modified, since so many Americans have travelled in Europe. Young ladies should, if possible, be accompanied by an older person. n0?9^n 2:raueffing 267 It is not the Correct Thing To leave the door of a railroad-car open. For commuters to occupy an entire seat for each person, allowing parties of ladies to look in vain for an unoccupied seat, and not offering them a chance to sit together. To be disobliging in the smoking-car, prevent- ing other men from playing whist because one is too selfish to change his seat. To accept a " light " from another passenger and omit to thank him for this or any other civility. To insist upon another passenger's changing his seat in the smoker when he is unwilling to do so. 268 Z^t Correct Zd'^m It is the Correct Thing For a gentleman who wishes to surrender his seat to a lady to rise before making the offer, and make it in a courteous manner. For a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady. For a lady to bow courteously to a gentleman who offers her his seat, at the same time thank- ing him audibly. For all passengers to be prompt and obliging about moving up and making room for othei persons. For a gentleman to offer to pass up the ladies' fares in a car or stage where there is no con- ductor. For a lady who feels ill or very much fatigued, to say courteously to a gentleman that she does not feel at all well, and ask whether he will be so kind as to give her his seat for this reason. To avoid crowding or pushing against othet persons or sitting on their clothing, when on© takes a seat. W0en ttay^dfinq in ^freef ? Cars 269 It is not the Correct Thing For a gentleman who wishes to offer a lady his seat, to sit still and beckon to her to approach. For a gentleman to remain seated while an old or larne woman, or a woman with a baby in her arms, stands up. For a lady to seem in any way to demand the seat occupied by a gentleman, or to hint that he ought to vacate it. For a gentleman to take a seat that has been vacated, while there are ladies standing up. For passengers to sit sidewise or take up more than their fair share of the seat in a crowded car. For a young and strong woman to expect an elderly man to give her his seat. For a man to be so absorbed in reading the newspaper that he fails to observe ladies are standing. To tread on other people's feet or deposit baskets or bundles on them. 270 Z§e Comet t^im It is the Correct Thing For gentlemen to get off the steps of a crowded car platform when a lady is about to leave the car. For a lady to avoid, if possible, taking a seat on one of the three rear benches of the open car, usually devoted to smokers» W^en Ztay^diinc^ in Street ^ Cars 271 It is not the Correct Thing For a man to carry a lighted cigar in a railway station, or in any public conveyance save a smoking-car or compartment. For gentlemen to remain standing on the platform in such a way that a lady will be obliged to crowd past them in order to get off the car. For a lady to step off a car facing in any other direction than that in which the car is going. She should also, if possible, take hold of the front rail of the car platform. To leave the car by the front piatEorm. 2/2 Correct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing To remember that " time is money " to some one, if not to yourself. To remember that " short accounts make long friends." To make an agreement as to all particulars whenever it is possible to do so, before closing a transaction. To remember that a contract can be broken only by consent of both or all the parties to it. To remember that the solvent debtors pay in reality for the debts of the insolvent. To remember that one failure makes many. To be righteously indignant if a bill which has been already paid is sent in a second time. To pay washerwomen, seamstresses and other persons employed by the day very promptly. They should be paid at the end of each day or week. For employes to improve their spare time and for employers to encourage them in doing so. 3n f^e ^usmesg TTorf^ 273 It is not tJie Correct Thing To become surety for another person or to indorse notes for him unless one be prepared and able to pay them if he fail to do so. To dun a debtor in a persistent and unpleas- ant manner. To run up bills without keeping any account of them. To buy what one does not need, merely be- cause it is " cheap." To buy goods on credit without knowing their precise cost, or without fixing the time for pay- ment To be angry at the presentation of an unpaid bill. To allow washerwomen or other persons who are day-laborers and dependent on their daily wages for their means of subsistence, to call several times for their pay, thus wasting time precious to them, and perhaps causing them suffering and privation. 2 74 Comd C^ing It is the Correct Thing To beware of false pride and an affectation of gentility in business, as in social relations. To remember that it is no child's play to suc- ceed in business of any kind. To remember that in the midst of the battle of life there is no time to learn its tactics, which must be mastered beforehand by every soldier, lawyer, business or professional man. To be willing to work hard and concentrate one's whole attention upon whatever one is doing. To remember that the knowledge of a trade or profession is in itself a capital. To remember that many college-bred and other well-educated men now work with their hands at farming and in technical callings, thus proving that they do not consider manual labor degrading, while the sons of small farmers desert their farms and refuse to work with their hands. To remember that where one knave succeeds, a hundred fail. 3n t^e justness Wotf^ 275 It is not the Correct Thing To be " above one's business " or to imagine that work is degrading. To be unwilling to learn a trade or business thoroughly or to imagine that one can succeed in a business, trade or profession without a thor- ough training for it. To purchase on credit where one can as easily pay cash. To fill one's office or counting-room with tobacco smoke. To neglect or despise a fraction of a cent. To sew good cloth with cotton thread. For young men and women to leave comfort- able homes in the country and crowd to the cities, forcing down the price of labor, and then grumble because they do not succeed in their undertakings. To think it more genteel to be a counter- jumper at another man's beck and call, than a farmer or a tradesman and " one's own master." To imagine that all rascals succeed in life. 276 t^e Correct Z^in^ It is the Correct Thing To make a business letter intelligible, express- ing the exact meaning of the writer, and to make it also legible and brief. To remember that a business letter should be extremely courteous in tone. To put the full date, address and signature in a business letter, and to answer all the questions of one's correspondent. To put the full address of one's correspondent on the envelope of a business letter — giving the name of the county and that of the State. To address a letter to a firm, " Messrs. R. H. Macy & Co." To begin a letter to a firm in this way : Messrs. R. H. Macy & Co. Gentlemen (or Dear Sirs) : * ' Or : The Misses Bacon. Mesdames : Some people avoid the use of the French plural by addressing one of the ladies, as: Miss Bacon. Dear Madam. 3n t^t igmintzs Worfb 277 It is not the Correct Thing To write a letter on a matter of business in an ambiguous or rambling style. To make unnecessary repetitions or to be un- duly curt in a business letter. To sign a letter with " Messrs." prefixed to the signature. To begin a letter : The Misses Bacon. Dear Madams: To omit " Messrs." when writing to a firm. To omit to give a person his or her proper title, as " Mrs." or " Esq." because he or she hap- pens to be a distinguished person. To gamble or speculate with money which dne cannot afford to lose. 278 t^c Correct t^m It is the Correct Thing To remember that a character for probity is a capital one need never lose. To enclose stamps sufficient to cover the weight of the manuscript when sending to an editor a manuscript which is to be returned if not used. For an editor of a magazine or weekly paper to send cheques to the contributors when their articles are published, and to send also to each of them a copy of the magazine containing his article. For a contributor to write to the editor of a newspaper and ask to have a cheque sent to him, after the publication of one of his articles or a series of them. It is customary however, in some of our large cities, for the contributors to the great dailies to call at the newspaper offices, and get the pay due to them. To remember that editors and publishers are very busy people, and to make one's visits to them as brief as possible. 3n f^e !^usme0S ^ott^ 279 It is not the Correct Thing To be impolite to an editor or to annoy him with frequent letters or unreasonable requests. For the editor of a weekly or monthly publica- tion to refuse to return a manuscript to the sender where stamps are enclosed and address given. For an editor of a magazine to accept an article and publish it, and then compel the writer of it to dun him repeatedly for his pay. To expect that communications to a daily paper in a large city will be returned if not used. To send a manuscript to an author upon whom one has no real claim, and to ask him to read it over and give his opinion of it. To treat a lady employed as governess, secre- tary or in any other capacity, as if she were a menial. This shows a lack of good breeding, as well as innate vulgarity. To force one's way into an editorial or other sanctum, or to insist upon seeing busy people OD one's own business. 28o S^e Correct Z^inc^ It is the Correct Thing To be uniformly polite in business relations, and to remember ' that a pleasant manner is almost always a passport to success. To avoid as far as possible a " professional manner," such as one sometimes observes among doctors, clergymen, lawyers and others. To pay a teacher, artist, lecturer or othei professional person, by means of a cheque or money enclosed in an envelope. 3n f^t (gusinegg Wotft 281 Is is not the Correct Thing To be gruff or disobliging in business rela- tions, or to be too diffusive or over-zealous. For a self-made man to boast continually of his own work; namely, himself. To abuse or not to take proper care of a hired house or horse, or any article belonging to an- other person. For a lady employed in a business capacity to expect or claim social recognition at the hands of her employers. For Croesus to adopt a tone of hauteur or con- descension to men of standing in the profes- sional or business world. To send money, unenclosed, to a lady or gentleman, by the hands of a servant. 282 S:^e Correct Z^inq It is the Correct Thing For employes to be patient, cheerful and obliging. For employes to remember that it is their busi- ness to wait upon customers, and to be civil to them. For a salesman to prove that he respects him- self by showing due respect to others. For a salesman to advise a customer or assist her in making a choice, if asked to do so. For a shopkeeper to be as polite to a poor customer as to a rich one. For salesmen to remember that customers can- not always know just what they want until they have seen the new fabrics of the season, and that a customer has a right to walk through a shop, looking at articles for a reasonable length of time, without being compelled to purchase any- thing. When one intends only to look at articles and not to buy till another day, to say so in the first instance. 3n §^oppxnci 283 It is not the Correct Thing For employes to be uncivil or cross to cus- tomers because the shop is crowded, or because they are tired. For employes to talk to each other while cus- tomers are awaiting their attention. For employes to be impertinent to customers, or to make remarks upon them in the hearing of other customers. For a salesman to advise a customer when he has not been asked to do so. For a salesman to be sulky if a customer do not purchase his goods. For employers to be harsh or arbitrary in their treatment of employes, especially where these are children. For customers to look over goods and take up the time of the salesman, without any real inten- tion of making a purchase, because they wish to see the new styles in order to copy them in their home dressmaking. 284 Correct Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To remember that the feminine for " man " is " woman ; " for " saXesman,^^ " saleswoMAN ; " and that while a saleswoman, like any other person of her sex, may or may not be a lady, she is still a woman, and if she be engaged in selling, a saleswoman. For a customer to know beforehand as nearly as possible what she wishes to buy. To hold the door open for a person who is entering or coming out of a shop just behind one. The second comer should in her turn take hold of the door as she passes through the doorway. To shut the door ! For purchasers to do their Christmas shopping in good season, before December so far as pos- sible, thus avoiding a crush themselves, and saving the employes in shops from much extra fatigue and hardship. If one wish to see a piece of goods nearer the light, to ask the clerk politely if he cannot bring or send the material to the desired spot. 3n ^^oppin^ 285 It is not the Correct Thing To use the expression "sales-lady," Avhich is quite as absurd as to say a sales-GENTLEMAN." For customers to speak sharply to employes, or be rude to them. For gentlemen (?') to try to flirt with sales- women and annoy them with foolish speeches. To let the door of a shop slam in the face of another person, or to allow a stranger to hold the door open while one passes through the doorway without making any attempt to hold the door open for one's self. For customers to expect to be allowed to carry valuable dress goods or other articles to the door of a shop, or to scold and make an outcry be- cause such an unreasonable request is refused. 286 Comet Z^im It is the Correct Thing When buying white goods, to ask for those bearing the label of the Consumers' League, since this certifies to the fact that they have been made under humane and sanitary conditions. To patronize shops on the White League list, remembering that in a Christian land, it con- cerns the consumer, under what circumstances the goods which he purchases are made, and how the employes who wait on him are treated. For salesman and customer both to say " Thank you ! " when a sale is completed, and the package, or change, handed to the latter. To assist in the movement for a Saturday half- holiday among shopkeepers, and in other humane movements for the benefit of employes in shops. To join the Audubon Society, which seeks to preserve our birds, and to save them as well as animals from cruel and inhuman treatment. To receive with some caution the assurance of the milliner, that feathers of all sorts and kinds are grown by chickens or pigeons. 3n ^^opipirxQ 287 It is not the Correct Thing To buy very cheap goods presumably made up in sweat shops, thus endangering one's own health or even life, as well as helping to perpet- uate a cruel system of human slavery. For sales men or women to insist that an article matches another perfectly, or that it is ^'just w^hat the customer wants," when the cus- tomer expresses a contrary opinion. To allow a person to buy damaged goods with- out knowing their real condition. To buy aigrets, the procuring of which has nearly exterminated, under circumstances of great cruelty, a very beautiful bird. To buy or wear any feathers save those of the ostrich, domestic fowls or game birds. To buy Persian lamb coats, muffs or other articles invohdng the cruel treatment and threat- ening the extermination of animals. 288 Correct t^itxQ It is the Correct Thing To wear mourning dress after the death of a near relative. It is not now considered obliga- tory to do so however, many persons objecting on principle to this custom. Some persons merely avoid wearing colored garments, and wear black materials of any sort, instead of the regulation mourning dress. To remember that all children, and almost aU men, greatly dislike mourning dress. To wear plain lustreless black woollen stuffs and crape when one is in deep mourning.' For a lady who is in deep mourning to have her garments made up in a very simple manner. She can, if she please, select expensive materials of fine texture for her wardrobe. To wear lustreless black silk trimmed with crape in the secondary stages of mourning.^ * Waists of lustreless silk, to go under the tailo^-mad^ jacket, may now be worn in deep mourning. A widow may also, if she please, reUeve the sombre black by wear- ing white collars and cuffs of delicate muslin. * Crape is now usually left off, in secondary mourning. 3n (Jttournin^ 289 It is not the Correct Thing In the opinion of most people to wear mourn- ing dress for as great a length of time after the death of a relation as it was formerly the fashion to do. To wear mourning dress, and especially crape veils, for an excessive length of time, forgetting that the long-continued sight of such gloomy gar- ments will be apt to depress the spirits of a whole household. To dress children in mourning, according to the prevailing sentiment in this country. To wear mourning dress of an ostentatiously sombre character. It is especially inappropriate to do so in cases where the mourner is not in reality in deep sorrow. For a lady who is wearing deep mourning dress to have it trimmed in an elaborate manner, or over-loaded with crape. 290 C^e Correct Z^irxQ It is the Correct Thing To wear black woollen materials trimmed with lustreless silk or black braid, and bonnets made of or trimmed with silk, in ordinary mourning. To wear in deep mourning a veil of nun's veiling or crape, thrown back over the bonnet, with a veil of black lace net edged with crape over the face. To wear a crape veil over the face at a funeral, and perhaps for a short time thereafter, if the wearer crave its protection. To wear black silk without crape, for compli mentary mourning.^ To remember that there are in this country no general laws laying down the exact length of time during which mourning should be worn. For a widow to leave off her weeds when she has become "reconciled" to the death of her first husband, if a decent length of time have elapsed since the event * This form of mourning is not worn for more than three months, and consists simply of black, excluding however, velvet and ostrich feathers. 3n (Jl^ourmng 291 It is not the Correct Thing To wear bright jet trimmings when in deep mourning. To wear velvet when one is in deep mourning. Thus a crape hat and veil and a mantle of velvet would present an incongruous appear- ance if worn together. To wear a crape veil over the face, thus per- petuating a barbarous and very unwholesome custom which is rapidly falling into desuetude. To ask a person who is dressed in deep mourn- ing what relative he has lost. For any ene save a widow to wear a widow's cap either under a bonnet or without it. In the opinion of most persons, for the mother or other relations to wear crape after the death of a young child, or to wear mourning for it during more than a year.^ * For an infant, it suffices to wear black, with touches of white or gray, for three months. 292 Conuf Z^im It is the Correct Thing For widov/s to wear deep mourning includ- ing crape veil, during two years, some widows retaining a deep mourning costume during life.^ To wear deep mourning for a parent during one year, and lighter or ordinary mourning, during a second year; some persons continue to wear deep mourning dress, with crape veil, for two years. To wear mourning for a brother or sister during one or two years, — deep mourning at first, and lighter mourning afterward.* * No one, not even a widow, need wear full deep mourning for more than a year. Widows and mourning mothers and daughters wear much slighter mourning after the first year. This can be distinguished at sight from the first year's mourning. Thus a widow discards her cap and shortens her veil, in the second year. She need not wear black, unless she choose, for more than two years, but many widows wear it (not however the deepest mourning) for many years, or for life. * It is now usual for sisters to wear mourning for only one year. 3n (^ourntng 293 It is not the Correct Thing For a widow who is still wearing her weeds, to carry on flirtations or angle for a second husband. To wear deep mourning dress during long periods of time for one's husband's relatives, or for persons whom one has never seen, or has never known intimately/ To go into society, to receive or to pay formal visits, when one is in deep mourning. To continue to darken the windows of a house after a funeral has taken place, thus rendering it damp and unwholesome. ^ While an affectionate wife desires to do what will be agreeable to her husband's feelings, it is repugnant to her good taste to assume deep mourning garb, where deep sorrow does not exist, in these days v>-hen mourning is worn less and less. She should however show proper re- spect to the memory of his relations, and especially of his parents, by refrainins: from, going into society, and by wear- ing, if he desire it, moderate mourning, or at least black, for a time. 294 Comcf ^^ing It is the Correct Thing To wear ordinary mourning during three or six months for an uncle, aunt or grandparent ; many persons do not put on mourning at all however, except for very near relatives.* For parents to wear mourning for grown-up sons or daughters during one or two years. To remember that the idea of paying proper respect to the dead enters into all our theories of mourning, and that this respect is especially due to older persons. To remember that the strictest and most formal observance of mourning customs is not necessarily the concomitant of the most sincere grief, and that to some persons long periods of strict seclusion are extremely depressing, as well as unwholesome and injurious. • Black may be substituted for formal mourning, al- though something will depend on the degree of intimacy and affection that had existed, between aunt and niece, for instance. It is not now considered obligatory to wear mourning for uncles, aunts or grandparents. 3n (ffloutnin^ 295 It is not the Correct Thing For older persons to expect younger ones to remain for long periods of time in strict seclusion, shrouding sensitive youth in perpetual gloom. For young people to be unwilling to pay proper respect to the dead during a suitable period of time. For a young girl to wear a bonnet and crape veil. She should wear a hat of crape or chilion, or a black straw hat, trimmed with one or the other. To go to a concert within three months, or to the theatre or other public place of amusement within six months after the death of a near yelative.^ ^ More latitude is now allov,'ed to persons in mourning, as it is now seen to be crael to condemn those in sorrow to strict seclusion, shutting them up in a gloomy prison of griet, as it were. Hence mourners may, in a quiet way, go to concerts, lectures or readings, or even to mat- inees ar rhe theatre or opera, should they desire to do so. Some people think however that it is in question- able taste TO appear at the theatre or at a concert while wearing crape. The difficulty is sometimes avoided by hiring a box and sitting somewhat in the rear of it 296 Cotuct t^im It is the Correct Thing For a gentleman to wear a weed on his hat after the death of a near relative. Some gentle- men put on complete suits of mourning ; but the majority, especially in the Eastern States, do not do so/ For men to remain in seclusion after the death of relatives during a shorter period than women, since the business and affairs of the former neces- sarily call them abroad. For a widower to wear mourning during two years, if he remain single so long.^ To wear black or quiet colors at a funeral, especially that of a relative or intimate friend. To use all possible tact when making a visit of condolence, carefully avoiding the introduc- tion of any subject which might cause additional distress to those who are in sorrow, and showing one's sympathy more by manner than in words. * Very wide weeds or hat-bands have now gone out of fashion, narrower ones being worn. * One year or eighteen months is now thought sufBcientt 3n (gtourning 297 It is not the Correct Thing To be unkind or uncharitable in one's judg- ment of the conduct of those persons who do not believe in a very formal observance of mourning customs. For a man to appear in gay society shortly after the death of a near relative or of his wife. To ask or expect young people to wear mourn- ing for uncle, aunt or grandparent, whom they have known slightly, or not at all. To gratify one's curiosity at the expense of the feelings of those who are in sorrow. For any one to feel hurt because a mourner, in the first prostration of grief, refuses to see him. 2gS ^^e Contcf t^mQ It is the Correct Thing To call within a month at the house of a friend or acquaintance where there has been a death ; intimate friends call before or after the funeral. To call upon strangers, or in the country upon neighbors, who are in affliction. Some sad cases have occurred where people were entirely neg- lected by their neighbors, each person supposing that some one else had called and offered assist- ance or sympathy. To give a person who is in deep sorrow an opportunity to speak of what lies nearest his heart, rather than to mention the subject one's self. For intimate or old friends to send brief letters of condolence to those who are in affliction, offering affectionate sympathy and religious com- fort, if they feel sincerely moved to do so. To lay aside mourning dress, and to appear in white, gray or purple at the wedding of a rela- tive or intimate friend. 3n (gloumtng 299 It is not the Correct Thing For ordinary acquaintances to expect to be admitted, when calling upon persons who are in affliction. To appear intrusive or seem indifferent when calling upon a person in affliction. To express one's sympathy toward a person in affliction if one meet him in the street or other public place. When making a visit of condolence to express a wish to hear the details of a person's last illness and death, forgetting how painful these subjects must be to a near and dear relative of the deceased. To wear mourning at a wedding. For persons in deep mourning to go to large or gay weddings. 300 Cotttd ^^ing It is the Correct Thing To send letters of condolence promptly, if at all To abstain from giving or attending an enter- tainment on the day of the funeral of a cousin or other relation, or within a short time after hisf death, since to do otherwise would show a lack of family feeling and of respect for the dead. To show all possible kindness toward those who are in deep sorrow, writing brief but sym- pathetic letters of condolence, calling to see the mourner, and doing all that one can, without being officious, to lighten the heavy burden ol real grief. 3n (^touming 301 It is not the Correct Thing To write long or formal letters of condolence, or to preach to persons in affliction, telling them they must be resigned to the will of Providence. To give an entertainment or to attend one, on the day of the funeral of a relation or near con- nection by marriage, even where a family quarrel exists. Public opinion is outraged by such a display of bad feeling. To make sympathy the cloak for garrulit}', troubling those who are in sorrow with an end- less amount of talk. To make the affliction of your neighbor in the country an excuse for indulging your curiosity about her affairs, by prying about her house. 302 ^^e Cottui Z^im It is the Correct Thing For members to make themselves familiar with the rules and regulations of the organiza- tion to which they belong, and to obey these laws. For a member of a small social club — such as a dining-club — to object to the admission of any person whose society is not congenial to him. The reason of this rule is evident. It would destroy the very object of the existence of a club of this sort, — namely, mutual good- fellowship and common social enjoyment, — if a member whose society was unacceptable to some of his fellows, should be thrust into the circle to mar its harmony.' * It is now customary to have the question of admission settled by a committee on membership. Where their decision is favorable the Board of Governors ratify it by a purely formal vote. Where a candidate is thought to be persona non grata^ the committee quietly ask the proposer and seconder to withdraw his name. Thus blackballing — an ugly word in clubdom — > is avoided. (^f a €fu6 303 It is not the Correct Thing For a member of a small social club to persist in proposing for membership a person who has been repeatedly proposed without success. In some organizations it is provided by law that no person shall be a candidate for election within a specified period of time after admission has been refused him ; but in those clubs where no such provision exists, members should be very careful not to force upon their associates a person who may be uncongenial to them, since those who have objected to such a candidate several times will in many cases ultimately relinquish their opposition, not because thev are convinced that they have been in error, but because they do not wish to appear disobliging. 304 ^^e Correct t^inq It is the Correct Thing For the governing committee or other mem- bers of a large club, to lay aside personal preju- dice when voting upon the admission of a new member, and for them to take into consideration these questions only : Is the record of the can- didate in question a clear one ? Is he in all respects eligible to form one of an assembly of gentlemen ? (This rule does not militate with the foregoing, because the circumstances of the two cases are entirely different. A large club forms a little world in itself, and the members of it are not necessarily on intimate terms with one another, — indeed, many of the members do not even know each other. Therefore it is not essential that they should all be con- genial.) For the members of a club to make themselves agreeable, or at least not disagreeable, to their fellow members. A gentleman is supposed to behave at his club-house as he would at his own home ; it is therefore evident that he should be m ft efttfi 305 It is not the Correct Thing For one of the governing committee or other member of a large club to blackball from spite or any personal motive a candidate who has been proposed as a new member. If the latter have a good record, and if he be in other respects eligible as a member of the club, he ought not to be kept out of it to gratify the personal pique or whim of those in power. To appear selfish or greedy ; to monopolize al- ways the best armchair, or the most favorable position in the favorite bow-window or elsewhere. 3o6 t^c Cottcct €^inQ It is the Correct Thing courteous, and show a spirit of tolerance toward others. To respect the rights and comfort of others, and speak only in a low tone of voice in the reading-rooms or library. To remember that the law which forbids giving fees to servants, is strictly enforced in most club-houses, and is not by any means a dead letter. For gentlemen to wear evening dress when they take late dinner at a club, if they wish to do so, but not otherwise. As it is now the cus- tom for gentlemen to wear evening dress in the evening, most young men of fashion do so at their clubs ; but a gentleman can appear in morn- ing dress if he prefer, just as he could at his own home. To conform to the rules about smoking, — avoiding pipe-smoking where it is forbidden by the rules of the house, and smoking only in those places where and at those times when it is allowed ®f a efu6 307 It is not the Correct Thing To make a practice of dining early, in order to more than one's share of some article of ^^hich there is a limited supply. To demand from the waiters an undue amount of attention. To become unduly excited about matters re- lating to religion or politics, or to endeavor to instruct a circle of persons who have expressed no desire to hear a lecture. To boast of one's social or other successes. To monopolize an undue proportion of news- papers and magazines, especially at a club where there is only one copy of each publication. To be unduly curious as to the doings or say- ings of other members, or to try to find out what they are having for dinner. To bring a dog to a club-house. To play games on Sunday at a club-house where this is not allowed. 3o8 t^e Correct t^inq It is the Correct Thing To be careful of the club property, and refrain from destroying or mutilating books, newspapers, etc. For members to avoid speaking about ladies, within the club precincts. A notorious club- scandal some years ago in New York, and the consequent lawsuit, made it patent to every one that a gentleman ought not to introduce the name of a lady into a conversation at a club-house ; for though he may do so in an entirely respectful manner, his words nevertheless give an oppor- tunity to the thoughtless or evil-tongued to make careless or injurious remarks about the person in question. For a club-member to be extremely careful not to introduce to his club, persons for whose char- acter and respectability he is unable to vouch, since the member who introduces a guest to a club is responsible not only for his behavior, but also for any debts which he may contract (^i a £fu6 309 It is not the Correct Thing To take books, pamphlets, magazines or other property of a club, away from the club-building. For club-members to be careless in their re- marks, or to indulge in talking gossip or scandal. Although a gentleman is no longer obliged to answer for his words with his sword, as was the custom in the days of our ancestors, he should for this very reason feel in honor bound to be a law unto himself, and to remember that noblesse oblige. For a member or guest to send a servant or employ^ of a club out of the club-house on any business of his own, without first obtaining per- mission from the clerk or superintendent. For the guest of a club to introduce another person into the club-house. This would obvi- ously be an improper proceeding, and a violation of the laws of hospitality. 3IO t^e Comet t^tn^ It is the Correct Thing For a guest to avail himself of any or all of the privileges to which the by-laws entitle him, during the time that he is the guest of a club, whether it be for a day or a month. For the guest of a club to conform to its rules and regulations, remembering that the friend who introduced him will be held responsible for any violation of these laws on his part. For the guest of a club to leave one card on the last day that he visits it, addressed " To the President and Members of the Club." This card is in reality a P. p. c. card, and should be handed to the clerk at the desk, or put in a frame provided for the purpose at some club houses, or in the frame of the looking-glass. Some clubs have a scrap-book, in which are pasted the cards of distinguished guests. (St a €fu6 311 It is not the Correct Thing For any person, member or guest, to wear his hat in the club-restaurant. According to the rule in our American cities, no gentleman wears his hat at a club-house while eating either lunch- eon or dinner ; but in London it is considered allowable for a gentleman to do so at luncheon, even at the fashionable club-houses. An Eng- lish nobleman once caused no small commotion in New York club circles, by wearing his hat while he ate his luncheon. The members of the club where the incident occurred were much offended at this act of unintentional rudeness. To present a guest in a formal manner to the officers or members of a club, unless he ask for such presentation, or unless there be some special reason why it should be made. 312 t^e Coxuci tUm It is the Correct Tiling For critics to remember that women's colleges are new, while behind the older universities stands the culture of the centuries. To remember that "The Eternal Feminine which leads ever upward " stands for refinement, spirituality, unselfish love. To remember that the female sex for ages past has stood for the altruistic principle. To remember Emerson's sayings : " There is always time for courtesy." " Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." To behave so as to refute the statement that women deteriorate in manners at college, while men improve. To remember that privileges necessarily entail responsibilities, and if one is old enough to guide her own conduct, she is too old to behave like a child or a schoolgirl. To moderate so far as possible the conceit sometimes attendant upon the acquisition of in^ formation, especially during the sophomore year. (^i Coffecje 313 It is not the Correct Thing For critics to expect at once in women's col- leges, the ripeness and perfection of long-estab- lished universities. To forget that women are the high-priests of courtesy, whose special duty it is to preserve the refinements and graces of life. To ape the manners or behavior of men, since a woman can make but a poor copy of a man, and that copy not a pleasing one. To fancy that collegians are a class apart, superior to the usual obligations of life ; hence — To be neglectful of the small sacrifices and little amenities which add so much to the charm of life. To be purely selfish, considering one's own intellectual culture the supreme thing in life. 314 Conut t^iuQ It is the Correct Thing To be ever womanly, however merry and full of spirits. To remember that a lady is always distin- guished by quiet behavior in public places. To remember the poet's words : " Her voice was ever soft, gentle and low, an excellent thing in woman." To remember that " Order is heaven's first law ; " hence to keep one's rooms and belongings in college, tidy and in order. To be considerate in the demands made on servants. To remember that despite the independence of college life, girl students are amenable to the same social laws as the rest of the world, and need a chaperon for social occasions, just like other girls of the same age. To go to a dance under the care of a chaperon, or to go without one to a dance at a private house where no older ladies are invited, save the special friends of the hostess. 315 It is not the Correct Thing To allow the high spirits of youth to run away with one, and to be noisy in the streets and pub- lic places. To let the athletic girl degenerate into the tomboy. To be loud and noisy when travelling, even where the car is filled with college girls alone. To imagine that, because one has a cultivated intellect, one has a divine right to be waited upon, wherever one may happen to be. To be untidy and careless, leaving one's clothes and boots lying about, as if one were a royal personage on whom dom.estics should never tire of waiting. To lock one's door and carry away the key, when living at a private house. To wear loud and startling costumes when attending football games or other athletic con- tests at men's colleges. To go to the theatre with a gentleman and without a chaperon. 3i6 55e Correct Z^inq It is the Correct Thing To go without a chaperon t6 the senior dance at Harvard, since this is now the custom, and a number of ladies well known in society matronize this dance. To ask one of the house mothers or teachers to act as matron at a dance or a theatre party. To have a teacher or some older lady present as a chaperon at any entertainment to which gentlemen are invited. If you desire to visit your brother's room in college, to notify him where he can meet you and your chaperon, as according to college rules, ladies must not enter the buildings except undet the escort of students. For two or more students to go together to a matinee at the theatre, where college rules per- mit this. To treat with respect and consideration fel- low students who are working their own way through college, and to lend them a helping hand, should they need it, in a spirit of true fellowship. (^f Coffege 317 I s— - I . — — ■' II It is not the Correct Thing To go to a tea or class-day spread or an^r entertainment at a man's college without a chaperon For graduates to be so anxious to perform a " WORK " as to neglect the " work " awaiting them at home. For yo'.mg girls to go to the theatre in the evening without a chaperon. To go to a restaurant alone with a gentleman at any time of day, unless it be an elderly relative or fri'^i^nd. To drive alone with a gentleman on lonely and unfrequented roads, at any time of day. To receive presents of jewelry from gentle- men, or any gifts save flowers, fruit or candy in moderation. To allow a poor fellow student to suffer for want of assistance. To offer her financial aid in any save the most delicate way, and always as a loan to be repaid at her convenience. 3i8 Z^c Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing In all matters pertaining to a class, to arrange the expenses in such a way as to enable all to contribute, should they desire, and to allow none to feel burdened. To have class-day exercises and entertain- ments conducted on a simple yet dignified scale, remembering that lavish display and expense are out of place at an institution of learning, espe- cially in a democratic country. To have invitations to class-day or commence- ment festivities issued in the name of the class of nineteen hundred and blank, of a college fraternity or society, or of several students join- ing together for a spread. To have such invitations engraved on plain white paper or cards of the best material. To have the names of those giving the invita- tion engraved at the foot of it, or where there are too many to make this convenient, to have simply the names of the members of the com- mittee or the name of the class secretary. (^t Coffege 319 It is not the Correct Thing To make class assessments or class-day ex- penses so heavy as to be a burden on the poorer members, or to bar them out. To send an invitation to a young lady to attend class-day at a man's college without inviting her mother. To send out an invitation in the name of a class or society, without giving that of any per- son to whom a reply could be sent. For guests to leave their tickets at home and then expect to be admitted to the college yard, chapel, exercises or dances, forgetting that occa* sions at a college are not like those at a private house, and that strict rules must of necessity be made, forbidding admission without ticket or card of invitation. For students inviting guests from a distance to forget provide for their comfort and con- venience. 320 Correct ^'^mg It is the Correct Thing To have class-pins and class-day dresses, as well as student's caps and gowns, simple and inexpensive. To enclose also the visiting-card of the student who sends the invitation, should one wish to do so. Where an answer is desired, to put " R. s. v. p." To reply promptly to such an invitation, since at some colleges it is necessary to send a second communication containing tickets of admission, to those who accept. At some colleges for the president of the senior class to receive with the president of the college on class-day. For the students at a man's college to "re- quest the pleasure " when inviting ladies. When the invitation is from part of a class only, to put at the head of it "Harvard Class- day " with the date of year, month and day. To remember what Goethe has said of raver ence, and to show respect to parents, teachers and elders. Coffege 321 It is not the Correct Thing To have the class-pin or class-day entertain- ments showy and expensive. To engage in hazing. This relic of the dark ages is passing away from our foremost universities. For guests to expect constant attention from their hosts, the members of the senior class, since the latter are usually obliged to be present at various class exercises and receptions. For the students at a man's college to use the *' At home " form for inviting ladies. To look down upon your parents, because they know less Latin and Greek than you, or are igno- rant of modern science, forgetting that they stand high in a school on the threshold of which you have set your foot — the school of life. 32 2 Z^c Comet Z^wiQ It is the Correct Thing To be grateful to one's parents for the privi- lege of going to college, especially where the latter are at great sacrifice giving their sons and daughters advantages which they themselves never enjoyed. To be moderate in your demands for remit- tances from home. To pay all college bills and all tradesmen's and other accounts promptly. (^t Coffege 323 It is not the Correct Thing To write home only when you need money. To go away from college without paying your debts. To borrow from fellow students and forget to return or repay. To borrow constantly and thoughtlessly. To delay in repaying what you owe, especially to people who live by day's wages, and hence can^ not afford to wait. 324 Z^c Cotttd Z^inQ It is the Correct Thing To remember that the scheme of a coeduca- tional college implies a high ideal of conduct and manners for both men and women. For the women to be frank and courteous in manner toward their fellow students, yet always dignified and ever mindful of maidenly reserve. For the women students to win their way by gentleness and an appeal to the sense of fair play among the men. For the women to expect from their fellow students the little acts of courtesy characteristic of men of good breeding. For the women to do all things in a womanly way. For the women to ask only for a fair field and no favor in their studies. ^ For men and women students to show a spirit of generous emulation in their studies, '^ejoicin^ in the success of clever or hard working coiiega- mates, whether men or women. (^i a Coe^ucationaf Coffege 325 It is not the Correct^ Thing To indulge in flirtations and coquetry, which are out of place at college. To be familiar in manner. For the men to forget the chivalry due to all women. For the women to be aggressive, arousing an- tagonism and dislike. For the women, when newly admitted to an institution of learning reserved up to that time for men, to ask for unnecessary innovations or to interfere with time-honored customs, where this can possibly be avoided. For the men to object because the women de- vote their principal time to study, and so carry off the prizes. For women to expect to receive special con- sideration in their work as students, or for them to weep copiously over low marks, thus embar- rassing the professor, and taking an unfaif advantage of the fact of their sex. 326 Correct Z^im It is the Correct Thing To treat the scholars as if you expected them to do right and behave well ; as if you had con- fidence in them. To check promptly insubordination and bad behavior, as something unworthy of the pupils. To keep eyes and ears open. To drop the voice a note or two lower rather than to elevate it when it is necessary to quell rising disorder, since you show in this way that you have yourself under command. To call the boys " men " at the earliest age possible, if you wish to win their esteem and confidence. To remember that young and healthy children cannot sit absolutely still and quiet very long at a time without torture. To have several short intermissions, at least allowing the pupils to pass from one room to another to rest their limbs tired of sitting still. To speak in language suited to the age of the pupils, avoiding words in " osity " and " ation." It is not the Correct Thing To subject the pupils to a system of espionage, or to treat them as if they and the teacher were natural enemies. To treat boys and girls in their teens as if they were little children, failing to recognize the fact that they are growing to be men and women. To lose your temper, thereby compromising your own dignity. To be provoked with those who do not laugh at your jokes. To require or expect young children to sit quiet for long periods of time. To be surprised at their squirming like eels when nature teaches them to do so. To make very complicated rules and regula- tions, giving the scholars the impression that they are governed by red-tape, rather than by warm human sympathy. To allow the bigger boys to bully and mal- treat the smaller ones, without telling them how unmanly such conduct is. 328 55e Cottect Z^inci It is the Correct Thing To have a love of learning for its own sake, and to try to inspire the pupils with the same love. For young teachers to join with their pupils in out-door games and sports. To illustrate studies by concrete and visible objects, whenever it is possible to do so. To remember that you were once a boy — or a girl, as the case may be — yourself. To remember that you are being educated for your own benefit, and if you refuse to learn, you are cheating yourself out of an education. To remember that the calling of the teacher is one of the highest and noblest, as well as the most thankless and difficult in the world: hence — To treat your teachers with respect, bidding them good morning, and at the close of the school, good afternoon. To behave with as much politeness at school as you would at home or elsewhere. (jXf §c^oo{ 329 It is not the Correct Thing To look upon your school work as a dry and wearisome task, and expect that you can under ?uch circumstances interest your scholars. To allow the establishment of a snow block- ade, to the terror of the younger and more timid scholars, and the great discomfort of passers-by. To pay no attention to what the scholars do on their way to school and out of school hours generally. To regard your lessons as poisonous drugs tvhich your teachers are trying to force down your throat. To imagine that the office of teacher is a menial one, thus showing your ignorance of the fact that many of the greatest and wisest men have held it. To fail to greet your teachers courteously on arriving at school and on leaving it. To answer back or be saucy. To try to show your teacher that you know more than he does. It is not likely that you do 330 C9e Cottui t^xrxQ It is the Correct Thmg To spare your teacher, who has many things to tire her head, unnecessary noise. To be loyal to your school, and to try to make it the best school possible. To remember that as no two leaves on a tree, no two persons in the world are exactly alike, so no two schools exist under precisely the same conditions. To remember also that each principal has her. own theories to carry out, her own special pupils to deal with : hence — To accept the school as it is. To remember that learning has its pleasures and that school days should be happy days. A sensible boy or girl will try to enjoy school life, and to make it pleasant for his fellows. (^f ^c^oof 331 It is not the Correct Thing To forget that you have been placed under your teacher's guardianship by your parents ; hence they act by authority from your father and mother. To slam desks or thump down books, rejoicing in noise like a young savage. To sneer at or depreciate other schools. For those who have changed from one school to another, to disparage the latter, comparing it unfa- vorably with the one you have left, thus inspiring a spirit of discontent among your schoolmates. To act as if you thought your views and ideas were of more consequence than those of the principal, when he or she has given years of study to the subject. To try to run the school according to your views, a course of conduct that will be apt to end disastrously for you. To make your teacher's life a burden to her. This is easily accomplished and does not show cleverness nor originality on the part of the scholar. It has been done many times by stupid and thoughtless boys. 332 Cottut It is the Correct Thing To remember that at a boarding-school the chief object is study ; hence quiet must be maintained. To remember that where a large number of young people are gathered together, stricter rules must be enforced than at home, in order to en- sure quiet, and to prevent noise and confusion. To remember that your parents have selected this school as the one most suited to your needs and requirements. To conform to the rules and regulations of the school. To enter the dining-room quietly, standing behind your chair until the teacher gives the signal to sit down, or to wait in the hall until the teacher has passed in, following her, accord- ing to the custom of the school. To remember that in a large school, as in an army, there must be strict discipline in order to accomplish good results. @f a ^oax'bxnQ ^ Bc^oot 333 It is not the Correct Thing To grumble at the rules and regulations. To expect to behave in all respects as one would at home. To run up and down stairs, or to talk in the halls during study hours. To resist the efforts of the principal to im- prove your manners and behavior, forgetting that the time has come for you to lay aside childish things. To mimic your teacher or the other inmates of the school. Mimicry is a form of mockery, and is always ill-bred and often insulting. To indulge in awkward habits and ungraceful attitudes, such as tucking your feet up on the rungs of the chair, sitting with your knees crossed, etc. To giggle or shout and scream with laughter. To expect from the servants the same amount of service as in a private house, since they have m^¥ more persons to wait upon. 334 Cotncf $5in3 It is the Correct Thing To remember that the principal may have reasons of her own which it may not be best to tell the scholars, as in Miss Edgeworth's story of " Barring Out." To be courteous to strangers and to those visiting the school. To rise when your teacher or a guest enters the room. To respect the property of others, and to re- frain from imprinting your illustrious name or initials on desks, window-panes and walls. It is not the Correct Thing To expect at a city school the same freedom possible at an establishment in the country. For " three little girls going to scliooi " to for- get to turn out for the passers-by, thus perhaps forcing those whom they meet off the sidewalk. To expect to eat a large quantity of candy, and then be surprised if you have the toothache or are made ill. To rise when seated at your desk or in class, when the rules of the school do not permit it To decorate walls, furniture or books with carvings from your penknife or with your pencil 336 Cotuci t^inq It is the Correct Thing For one or more women of standing in a com- munity to invite their friends and those likely to be interested in their project, to meet at a cer- tain time and place, for the purpose of forming a Woman's Club. For one of those who has issued these invita- tions, to call the meeting to order at the appointed time, and ask for the nomination of a chair- man. When a chairman has been named, for the same person to ask those present to vote on the following question : " Shall Mrs. S be re- quested to take the chair?" For Mrs. S to take the chair and conduct the proceedings if the vote is in the affirmative. If it is in the negative, to call for another nomi- nation, and so on, until some one is elected chair- man of the meeting. For the chairman to call for the nomination of a secretary for the meeting, to be elected in the same manner. It is not the Correct Thing For a stranger or a person little known in the community, to issue a call for the formation of a woman's club, \Yithout obtaining the approval and cooperation of one or more women of influence. For a woman to form a club, merely because she wishes to hold the office of president. For those opposed to the formation of the club, to nominate a chairman of their way of thinking. This would be unfair to those calling the meeting. For any one to act as chairman who has not been elected to that office. For any one to act as chairman who has no knowledge of parliamentary law. For a chairman to declare any measure carried, unless it has first been voted upon. For the chairman to call for the " ayes '* only, omitting to call for the noes.'* For the chairman to state any question un- fairly or in a way to cast ridicule on it 338 Correct t^in^ It is the Correct Thing For the chairman to ask one or more of those vho have called the meeting, to address it, stating their plan and their reasons for it. At the conclusion of such address or addresses, for some one to arise and say, " Madam Chair- man," or " Madam President, T move that we now proceed to the formation of a woman's club." For another member of the meeting to arise and say, " Madam President, I second that motion." For the chairman to state to the meeting what the motion is, as for instance, " It is moved and seconded that we now proceed to the formation of a woman's club." For those who desire, to arise and speak, either in favor of or against the motion. For a member to preface her remarks by addressing the chair, saying " Madam Presi- dent," or " Madam Chairman," adding her own name, where she sees she is not recognized. (^f a Woman's €fu6 339 It is not tile Correct Thing For a chairman to snub or discourage from speaking, those whose views do not coincide with her own. For her to allow a speaker to wander away from the subject in hand. For the secretary to omit to take notes at the time of the meeting. For those present to make factious or unfair opposition to the plans before the meeting, or to throw cold water over all proposals. To address any one in the meeting, except the chairman. To begin to speak without first addressing the chair. To feel hurt because some one else is recog- nized by the chair. It is the duty of the chair- man to recognize the person who first catches her eye. To say " Miss President " or " Miss Chair- man," or to address this lady by her name, as "Mrs. Smith-" 340 Comet t^tnci It is the Correct Thing For the chairman to recognize the lady desir- ing to speak, saying " Mrs. Jones has the floor," or simply " Mrs. Jones." When the matter has been sufficiently debated, for some one to call for a vote on it, saying, " I call for the question," or simply "Question." For the chairman to say " As many as are in favor of forming a woman's club, please say * Aye,' " or if preferred, " raise the right hand." When the affirmative vote has been taken, for the chairman to call for the negative vote, say- ing, " Those who are opposed, will please say ' No.' " If the vote is decided in the affirmative, for some one to call for the appointment of a com- mittee by the chair or by the assembly to draft a constitution and by-laws. For the question of permanent organization to be deferred to a later hour or to another day, when the committee on constitution and by-laws may report. (^f a Woman's €fu6 341 It is not the Correct Thing To address the chair without rising, save on very informal occasions. To debate a question before it has been for- mally stated from the chair. When speaking to a question, to wander off into side issues or irrelevant details, or to be very long-winded or prosy. To endeavor to force the meeting to decide for or against a plan, before it has been thoroughly debated, by cries of " Question." To be afraid to vote " no " lest one should be the only person to do so. To follow your neighbors like a flock of sheep, and vote " aye " because Mrs. A does. To vote without fully understanding what the question before the meeting is. For the chair to appoint as chairman of a committee, some one not in favor of the object for which it is formed. To have a long and ambiguous constitution. 342 Comet $pmg It is the Correct Thing For such constitution and by-laws to set forth briefly and clearly the objects of the society to be formed, and also what the officers shall be, and how they shall be elected. If the constitution is adopted by vote of the meeting, to proceed to the election of offi- cers. For a club to decide in accordance with what manual of parliamentary law its proceedings shall be conducted. In a large club, to have the election of mem- bers entrusted to an executive board, the pro- ceedings being conducted with inviolable secrecy, or — To have a membership committee whose duty it shall be to inquire into the fitness of those recommended for new^ members. Where it is known that a candidate for mem- bership cannot be elected, to give the member who proposed her a chance to withdraw the name before it is voted upon. It is not the Correct Thing To have one which does not set forth under what circumstances it can be amended, and con- tains no provision for the election of ofncers. For the chairman to engage in debate while occupying the chair, since her position gives her an unfair advantage. To adopt a constitution and by-laws which do not mention the number of persons necessary to form a quorum for the transaction of business, nor state clearly the amount of annual or monthly dues, to whom and at what time they shall be paid, etc. To adopt a long constitution cumbered with minute details, when a club is first organized, and before the members know just what they want and need. To tie up the constitution and by-laws with too many " nots,'' a common fault with women's clubs. In a large club, to have the balloting for members conducted by the whole body, since if any one should fail to be elected, this unpleasant fact could hardly be kept a secret. 344 €omcf t^irxQ It is the Correct Thing For the president to call the club to order at the appointed hour, and preside over its meet- ings, preserving order and quiet by a light tap of the gavel, when she finds the members are inclined to talk together rather than to listen to the speaker. For her to bring the business of the day before the club in proper order, calling upon the secre- tary to read communications to the society, and introducing the speakers. For her to enforce the rules of parliamentary law, stating in the proper manner, and putting to vote, all questions which are regularly moved, and deciding what questions may and what may not properly come before the club at that time. For her "To represent and stand for the assembly, declaring its will ; and in all things obeying implicitly its commands " (Cushing's Manual of parliamentary practice). a^t a OJ?oman'0 €fu6 345 It is not the Correct Thing To blackball any one, unless for very strong reasons. Under any circumstanceSj to let the fact be known outside a club, that a person proposed for membership has been blackballed. For the president to behave as if she were a personal ruler or — For club members to feel obliged to adopt her opinion or agree with her policy. This attitude, too often prevalent in women's clubs, is doubtless due to the fact that women are not yet thoroughly familiar with the habits of de- liberative bodies, and fear to seem lacking in courtesy. 346 Z^t Cotmi t^in^ It is the Correct Thing For the secretary to prepare beforehand the order of business for the day, for the convenience of the presiding officer, and to remind the latter of anything that has been forgotten. For the secretary to record carefully all motions and the vote upon them. For the secretary to copy the notes taken at the meeting into her book, if she choose to do so. For her to read, at the opening of each meet- ing, the minutes of the previous meeting. If these have already been entered in her record book, and the club order any corrections or alterations to be made, for her to write, in recording the last meeting, " The minutes of such and such a date were read, and it was ordered that such and such corrections (or addi- tions) be made." For the secretary to resign her office, if ordered to write what she believes not to be true. a Woman's Cfufi 347 It is not the Correct Thing For the secretary to twist or distort the ac- count of the proceedings, or to enter in her minutes only those motions with which she is in sympathy. For the secretary to enter the minutes in the record book, where she has failed to take notes at the time, and is not sure of the accuracy of her account of the proceedings. For her to alter her minutes in any way, after they have been read to, and accepted by the club, unless the latter so order. For her to refuse to enter in her book correc' tions or alterations ordered by the club. 348 Correct $^mg It is the Correct Thing For the secretary to appeal to the club, where the executive board ask her to write what she believes not to be correct, or where they treat her, as she thinks, unfairly. To appoint a secretary " pro tempore," to act in the absence of the regular officer. To elect as treasurer a person of standing in the community, and one who has some knowl- edge of accounts. For the treasurer to be able, at any meeting of the club, to state what amount of money is in the treasury. For the treasurer to collect the dues at the proper time, sending a printed form or writing a courteous personal note to each member of the club. For any one who is thought to have offended against the rules of the club to be heard in her own defence, before she is adjudged guilty. For all club members, and especially the officers, to welcome new members cordially. a Woman's €fu6 349 It is not the Correct Thing For any one, save the regularly elected secre- tary, to enter anything in her record book, unless ordered to do so by the club, in case of her pro- tracted absence. For a person appointed secretary " pro tem- pore," to act when the regular secretary is present. For the treasurer to neglect to balance her accounts carefully. For her to allow the club to run into debt, without notifying them of the fact. For the treasurer to send dunning notices on postal cards, or to be curt in her reminders to the members. For a woman's club to institute Star Chamber proceedings, and condemn a member, without giving her a chance to defend herself. To take as a personal grievance the defeat of one's candidate, or of a motion in which one is interested. 350 Cottui $5mg It is the Correct Thing To avoid the personal note, and to remember that others may differ with us, about a motion, the election of a candidate or the like, without the smallest ill-feeling toward us or any inten- tion of treating us with discourtesy. Where one thinks a vote has been wrongly counted, minutes improperly recorded, or any matter unfairly stated, to arise and say so, courteously but firmly, asking for a recount or alteration. Where one thinks the other members are in error, to endeavor to persuade them of this, and having done so — To acquiesce cheerfully where the decision is adverse. To drop the consideration of a subject which is producing ill-feeling and undue excitement in the club. To have the social functions of a club on a scale suited to the means of members possessed of a modest purse. (gf a Woman's Cfufi 351 It is not the Correct Thing To acquiesce, to all appearance, in the justice of a proceeding, and then say to those about you or to your friends, that it is all very unfair. To be over-persistent in forcing upon the con- sideration of the club some matter the members do not care to discuss. In the current events department, to allow subjects to be presented from a partisan stand- point, without giving an opportunity for their presentation from the opposite point of view. For a club to give lavish entertainments, especially where some of the members are not rich. 352 t^c Cottui t^in^ It is the Correct Thing To attend the business and literary sessions of a ciub, when in deep mourning. To have the refreshments suited to the season and the weather. To be ready to do one's fair share of work cheerfully. To be willing to take office, when one's turn comes. To have the office seek the woman, rather than the woman the office. Lectures To have it clearly understood whose duty it shall be to engage lecturers. This task usually devolves on the corresponding secretary or on the chairman of the programme committee. In corresponding with a lecturer, to state whether you desire him to address the club only, the club and invited guests, or the general public. As soon as it is decided whether or not the club wishes to engage him, to write promptly and say so. (^t a Woman'0 £fu6 353 •a It is not the Correct Thing To attend the social reunions of a club, when in deep mourning. To give ice-cream only, on a cold, rainy day, or hot tea and coffee only, on a very warm day. For those who are busy or lacking in energy, to frown on all proposals to extend the work of the club, where other members are ready and willing to carry out new projects. Lectures To invite a large number of persons to hear a lecture, or to sell tickets to persons outside the club, where the speaker has been asked to ad- dress the society at special rates. To induce a lecturer to come at a reduced price, on the plea that the club is poor, and then spend money on extensive floral decorations or on refreshments served to the audience, at the close of the address. 354 Comcf Z^im It is the Correct Thing To have the hour, day and subject clearly understood a sufficient time in advance. For the president, secretary or chairman of committee to write, a week or a fortnight before the day set for the lecture, reminding the speaker of the date, and enclosing time-table of trains. For the secretary or some other member of the club to meet the speaker at the railroad station, with a carriage. To see that he is suitably entertained either at the house of some club member or at a com- fortable hotel. For the chairman of programme committee or other officer to see that the lecturer has a warm and comfortable room in which to wait while the business of the club is being transacted, taking him to a seat in the assembly-room, where no other apartment is available. For the club to postpone if possible the con- sideration of business until after the lecture, when the speaker is anxious to take an early train. It is not the Correct Thing To induce some speakers to come at a reduced price, in order that the club may be able to pay a high price to another lecturer. This is con-> trary to the laws of fair play. To expect a lecturer to address a large num- ber of invited guests for a fee appropriate to a small audience. To name, in corresponding with a lecturer, the hour of club m.eeting only, not mentioning at what hour he is expected to speak, thus obliging him in some cases to lose valuable time. To write to a lecturer asking him whether he can address the club on a certain date, and then omit to notify him that the club has decided to engage some one else. To allow a stranger to arrive and have no one meet her at the station. To expose a speaker to the danger of taking cold by sending an open vehicle with inadequate wraps to meet her, or by allowing her to stand in a cold or windy place waiting for the street-car. 356