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 ESTABLISHED BY THE 
 FAMILY OF 
 
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 iJJSS PI'AVM!>8 sporTKi; AXI^^rifK YA"NUHK. 
 
 RECOLLECTIOIIS OF AN OLD MAN, 
 
 I dedidbte then Sketches to all who will pay me the com^imeBt to Mad then. 
 
 \ 
 
 I 
 
 (J- 
 
PRKFATF,. 
 
 1 
 
 I iiRvr wrift<^n ,:.i of.tho o^nterUinmont 
 
 there #aa in tiiss employing Bome of the tino in whicli I had noth 
 inl)g else to do. I am now. goiiig to publish them. be(^U!H> I trns' 
 thoy wil! impart tc issurediy, hot tho same amount, but 
 
 enough to have mc excustci. both f ■ tin;:: -lod for the pub 
 
 lishiiir 1 :iin willii/,:; (hat this be tliuught au apology instead c Z" ^ 
 prcfaqe ; and if it be not a sufficient one, It is ike groat, I insist. 
 man at my time of life onght to be expected to make. T j~ 
 
 V. S. J trust that those who have had either of the first two <'■ 
 these etories, (the former in Porter's Spirit of Lho Times, tho latter i» 
 the Field and Fireside,) will not'acrionsly object to see them again 
 and in this present form 
 

 Treasure Room '^ ""-^P 
 
 A GEORGIA SCHOOL IN THE OLD TIMES. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 "You Ciill this cducatioa, do you not"' 
 
 Why 'tis the forced march of a herd ol bullock-. 
 
 Before a shouting drover.'' 
 
 Books ! — There is nothing terrible in this simple word. On the 
 contrary, it is a most harmless word. It suggests quiet and contem- 
 plation , and though it be true, that books do often produce agita- 
 tio)i8 in the minds of men and in the state of society itself — some- 
 times even effecting great revolutions — yet, the simple enunciation 
 of the word, it would seem, could never be adequate to the production 
 of even the smallest amount of excitement. As little would it seem, 
 in looking upon it from any point of view into which one could get 
 one's self, to be capable of allaying excitement and producing the 
 most sudden and perfect stillness. I never could exactly tell why 
 it is, that as often as I have rer-d of the custom in England, of read 
 ing the Riot Act, during the progress of a riot, and begun to wonder 
 how sucli an exercise was available in quelling it, my mind has 
 recurred to i\ie incidents about to be narrated, and been made at 
 last, however reluctantly, .0 admit that the reading of the Act 
 aforesaid, might bb as proper a thing as could be done on such an 
 occasion. For there \Tas one point of view, or rather a point of 
 hearing, from which one could observe the above last mentioned 
 phenomenon produced by the utterence of the word which begins 
 this story, twice a day for five days in a week. It was the word of 
 command with which Mr. Israel Meadows was wont to announce to 
 the pupils of the Goosepolid .school-house, the opening of the school 
 morning and afternoon. 
 
 354*^18 
 
4 HTMOEOCS TALE.*. 
 
 The GcKMcpoad xraa situated in one of Uic counties of Middle 
 Georgia, on the edge of an old field, with original oak and hickory 
 woods en three sides, and vn the other a dense pine thicket. — 
 Through this latter there lay a path which led to the school from a 
 neighboring planter's hou.sc where Mr. Meadows boarded. The 
 Bchool-houKc it3clf, a rude hut built of log-^, was about one hundred 
 and twenty yards frotn this thicket, at the point where the path 
 emerged from it. 
 
 One cold, frosty moruing, nCur the viobc ol November, about twenty 
 boys and girlp wcrr assembled as usual at the Gouscpund, waiting 
 for the master. Some of botl||bexeB were studying their lessons and 
 some were playing — the boys at bull-pen, the girls at jnmpijig the rope 
 — but Cill of them, witb one exception — those studying and those 
 playing, tlie form*, though, itie most eagerly — were watching the 
 mouth of the path at which the Diaster was expected. Those 
 studying were the most anxiou.'--. The players seemed to think the 
 gamo worth the candle ; though the rope jillhpers jumped with their 
 faccB toward the thicket ; the boy.s invariably ran to the corner 
 nearest to it when they were about to throw the ball, and looking 
 behind a moment, would instantly turn and throw it at his man in 
 the opposite direction. The students, they walked to and fio before 
 the door, all studying aloud, and apparently exhibiting the grcatesL 
 anxiety to transfer the secwets of knowledge which the books con- 
 tained into their little heads. There was one boy in particular whofK' 
 eagerness for the acquisition of knowledge seemed to amount to a 
 most violent passion, lie was a raw-boned boy o^ fifteen years, 
 with very light, coarse hair, and a freckled face, fio ^^'ore A round 
 about and pants of worn walnut dyed homepP^"; an old sealskin 
 cap and rod brogans without sock.". He b*^ come up after all the 
 others had gotten there. He lived thre<^ miles and a half from tlic 
 Bchool-bonto, and walked the way forth and back every day. He 
 came up shivering and studying, pofforming both of these apparently 
 inconsistent operations with great violence. 
 
 'Hallo, Brinkly !' Aoutod half a do/.en boys. 'Got in in time 
 this mornbg, eh ? ha ! ha I Why, you are too soon, my boy. He 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. • 5 
 
 won't be here fora quarter of an hour yet. Come and help us out 
 with the bull-pen. Now, look at him, got that etorual jography, and 
 actily a studyin it, and he nig'h an in about friz. Put the book down 
 am go an Warn yourself a bit, and come and take Rill Jones' jjlace- 
 lie his day to make fires. Come, we've got the inses.' 
 
 This last was addressed by the 'one excepfiou' above lueutioaed, 
 a large, well grown, s^uarc-i-houldered boy, eighteen years old, 
 named Allen Thigpen. Brinkly Glisson paid no attention to the 
 invitation ; but came on tip shivering and studying, and studying 
 and shivering ; and just as he passed Allen he announced tlie follow- 
 ing proposition : 
 
 'A-an emp-pi-re is a c-c-ountry ge-geoverncd by an c-oui] -i r.' 
 'Now ordinarily, the announcement of this proposition, would 
 
 think would be entirely incapable to excite any uncomraon iiuiount 
 of risibility. It contains a simple truth and 'Expresses it iji simple 
 terms. And yet, so it was, that Mr. A.llen Thigpen burst into a roar 
 of laughter : and as if he understood that th^ proposition ha/1 been 
 submitted to him for ratification or denial, answered, 
 
 'Well, Brinklj', spozcn it is. Who in 'J\v dickens sni'l 't vrere'nt? 
 I didn't ; did you, Sam Pate ?' 
 
 •Do what?' asked Sam, pausing in^e act ot throwing the ball. 
 'Did you say that a empire want a — what Brinkly said it was ?* 
 'I didn't hear what Brinkly naid it was.' ^ 
 
 Allen strode up behind Brinkly and looking over his shoulder' 
 said slowly, 'A country governed by an emperor.' 
 
 'No, I never said nothin about it : and 1 don't know n >thin about 
 it ; nur I don't keer nothin about it neither.' And away went tlie 
 ball, but Sam had thrown it too suddenly, after looking towards the 
 mouth of the path, and he missed hig man. 
 
 Allen laughed exceedingly at this effort ot humor. Bu'. Brinkly 
 did not even notice the interruption. Hr walked to and fro, and 
 Aivered and studied. H^ bowed to the book ; he dug into it ; he 
 grated hia teeth, not in anger, but in his eagerness to oet what was 
 a it ; be tried to fasten it in bis head, whether o.'- not. ty slightly 
 
 354718 
 
6 « nUMOROS TUJiS. 
 
 cbaDging the words, and making them, as it were, his own to com, 
 taand. 
 
 'An ycmpirc.' said he fiercely, but not over loudly, 'ia a ke-untrj 
 gc-uvcrncd by ;in yc-emperor." 
 
 'And what is a yc-cmpcror, Brinkly ?' asked Allen, aud he laughed 
 ag.rn. 
 
 'Oh, Allen, please go away and let mc alone. I almost had it. 
 You know Mr. Meadows will beat me if I don't get it ; }ou know he 
 loVcs to beat mc any how. Do let me alone ; it sorter begins to 
 come to mc now.' And he went on shivering and studying, and 
 ehivcringly announcing, among other things, that, 'an y-empire waa 
 a kc-untry gc-uvcrncd Ly an ye-cmperor,' emphasising each one of 
 the pollysyllablcs in its turn ; sometimes stating the proposition 
 slowly and cautiously, and rather interrogatively, as if half inclined 
 to doubt it ; at others asserting it with a vehcmancc which showed 
 it to be his settled convittion that it was true, and tliat whoovcr 
 doubted it, knew nothing about the subject. 
 
 Allen Thigpon turned from him and walked io where a rosy- 
 cheeked little fellow, of eight years, was sitting on a stump with a 
 tpelliiig book in his lap, and a pin in his right band with whicli he 
 dotted every fourtli word, after reciting the following : 
 
 'Betsy Wiggins. 
 
 Heneiittor Bangs. 
 
 'Mandy Grizzle. 
 
 'Mine ! (dot.) A-1-i-g-h-t light— alight. 
 
 'Betsy Wiggins. 
 
 'llcnerittcr Bangs. 
 
 'Mandy Grizzle. 
 
 'Mine! d-c 1-i-g-h-t light — delight,' aud S(? on. 
 
 I yi, my little Mr. Asa,' said Allen, 'And spozcu Betsy Wiggiua 
 misses kcr word, or Hcneritter Bangs hern, or Mandy Grizzle hern, 
 then who's goin to spell 'cm' 1 want to know f And what'll you give 
 rac,' continued Allen, placing liis rough hand with ironical fondness 
 on the child's head, 'what'll you give mc not to tell Mr. Meadows 
 you've been gittin your own words ?' 
 
 'Oh, Allen, pleaic don't' 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 7 
 
 'Wliat'll you give me ?' 
 
 'Twenty chestnuts.' And the little fellow dived into his pockets, 
 and, counting out twenty, handed them to Allen. 
 
 'Got any more ?' asked Mr. Thigpen, cracking one with his teeth.' 
 
 'Oh, Allen, please don't take 'em all.' 
 
 Out with 'em, you little word gitter. A boy that picks otit worda 
 aint liable to eat chestnusts.' 
 
 Asa disgorged to the last one. Allen ate one or two, looking 
 qiiizically into the child's face, and then handed the rest back to 
 him. 
 
 'Take your chestnuts, Asa Boatright, and eat 'em. If ever I git to 
 be as feared of a human as you and Brinkly Glisson is^of Iserl 
 Meadows, drot my hide ef I don't believe I will commit sovicide on 
 myeelf— yes, on myself, by cutting my own throat. 
 
 'Yes,' answered Asa, 'you can talk so because you arc a big boy* 
 and you know he's afraid of you. If you was as little as me, you 
 would be as afraid of him as me. If I ever git a man' — the little 
 fellow was about to continue whimpering, but suddenly checking 
 himself, he took his pin and mumbled : 
 
 'Betsy Wiggins. 
 
 'Heneritter Bangs. 
 
 'Mandy Grizzle. 
 
 'Mine !' he resumed his interesting and ingenious occupation of 
 dotting every fourth word. Brinkly had overheard Allen's tamit- 
 and closing his book, after a pause of a few seconds, he walked 
 straight up to him and said : 
 
 'Allen Thigpeij, I am no more afraid of him than you are ; nor 
 than I am of you. T aint waiting to git to be a man to pay him 
 back for the beating he has given me. Do you think that's what 
 make? ra« stand what I do? If you do, you are much mistaken. 
 Allen, I'm trying all the time hard to keep down on niotlier's 
 account. I've told her of some of his treatment to me, and tkat I 
 wouldn't stand it ; and she s always crying and telling me she is so 
 anxious for mc to git an education, and that its my only chance ; 
 and it does seem it would nigh and in about kill her if I was to 
 
P BUM0R0D6 TALES. 
 
 loose it, that I have been trying all I could to git the lessons, and to 
 keep from fighting him when he beats mc ; and T could git 'em if I 
 had a chance. But the fact is, I aint got on far caough in reading 
 to hare Ivtn put in this jugraphj : and he's Just put me in it before 
 I learned to'read right, jutt to git out of mother the extra pay fo'- 
 jography ; and J can't git it, and I haven't learnt anything since 1' 
 have been put into it : and, Allen Thigpcn, I am not going to stand 
 it much loiigcr, nor I aint ;,''oing' 1 •-'•••:: chestnuts not to tell 
 him I said so neither," 
 
 'Hooraw !' shouted Allen. 'Give mc your hand, Brinkly " In a 
 lower tone he continued, 'By jingo, I thought it was iu you. I seen 
 you many a time when, thinks I to myself, it wouldn't take much to 
 make Bi inkly Glisson fight you, old fellow.' Then taking him a little 
 way ofi", ho whispered, '3'ou'vc stood enough already, and too much, 
 too. my blood has bilcd many ;i time when hca Lecu a beating 
 you. Don't you sta»d it no longer. Ef be beats you again, pitch 
 into him. Try to ride him from the ingoin. lie can maul you I 
 expect, but look at this,' and Allen raised his fist, about the size of u 
 mallet. 
 
 Brinkly looked at the big fist and brawny arm. and smiled dis- 
 mally. 
 
 'Books !' .shouted a voi«e, and Mr. Israel Meadow.- emerged from 
 the thicket with a handfull of hickory switches. 
 
 In an iii.-:tant there was a rushing of boys and girlfc into the 
 house- all except AlloB, who look his time. Asa Boatright was the 
 last of ihf others to get in. He had changed hia positioB from the 
 btuinji. atid was walking, look in hand, appaveutly alJ-absorbed in 
 its contciits, though his eye was on the schoul-mastfir, whose notice 
 he WH.s endeavoring to attract. Book iu hand, he bowed and digged 
 and dived, until, as the master drew near, he weariedly looked ap 
 and seeing him (^uite unexpectedly, gavf one uktc profound divo 
 into his book and darted into the house- 
 It w.:.-! a rule .H tiic Goosepond, that the scholarri should all be in 
 and ii tiicir wats when Mr. Mcadowe arrived. His wont was to 
 slt.iut 'Hulks' from the mouth of the path, then to walk with great 
 
HTJMOROrS TALES. 9 
 
 rapidity to the houbc. Woe to tlie boy or giri who was ever too late, 
 iinkss it happened to be Allen Thigpen, He had, some months 
 before been heard to say that ding any sich rule, and he wasn't 
 going to break Lis neck for Israel Meadows nor nobody else ; and 
 so he was wont to take his time. If he got in behind the master, 
 which frequently happened, that gentleman was kind enough not 
 to notice it — an illustration of an exception to the good discipline of 
 country school-masters, which was quite common in the times in 
 which Mr. Meadows lived and flourished. 
 
 On*this occasion, when Mr. Meadows saw Allen, knowing that 
 the gait at which himself was walking would take him into the house 
 before Allen would get in, he halted a little, and taking a step or 
 two, stooped, and having untied one of his shoe strings, tied it again. 
 While this operation was going on, Allen went in. Mr. Meadows 
 rising immediately, struck into a brisk walk, as if to apologise for 
 his delay, and then entered into the scene of his daily triumphs. 
 
 ButlJeforc we begin the day's work, let us inquire who this Mr. 
 Meadows was and whence he came. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Mr. Israel Meadows was a man of thirty-five or forty years of age 
 five feet ten inches in height, with a lean figure, dav!: complexion, 
 very black and shaggy hair and eyebrow-, n- <1 -.i g.liu and forbidding 
 expression of countenance. The ^^^ • .. fining the youthful 
 
 mind and leading it to the fovuitains vt wj.^idom, as delightful and 
 interesting as it is, was not in fact Mr. Meadows' choice, when, on 
 arriving at manhoods estate, he looked around him for a career in 
 which he might the most surely developc and advance his being in 
 this life. Indeed, those who had been the witnesses of his youth and 
 young manhood, and of the opportunities which he had been favored 
 withal for getting in.struction for him.9clf, were no little surprised 
 
 when they heard that in the county of , their old acquaintence 
 
 had undertaken, and was in tlic actual prosecuti*;n tif the profession 
 of a school-master. About one hundred miles from the Goosepond, 
 was the spot which had the honor of giving him birth In a, pot- 
 tage on ©ne of the roads leading to the «ity of Augusta, there hsd 
 
1^ BUMOKOeS TALBC. 
 
 lived * couple who cnltivaled a faiir, and traded with the waggoners 
 of those days, bj bartoring, for money and groceries, corn, fodder, 
 potatoes, and such like commoditieii It was :i matter never fully 
 accountable how it was, that Mr. Timothy Meadows, during all 
 reasons, had corn to eel). Drought or French afl'ected his crib alike 
 — that is, they did not affect it at all. When a wagoner wished to 
 buy corn, Timothy Meadows generally, if not always, bad a little to 
 spare. People used to intimate sometimes that it was mighty curious 
 that some folks could always have corn to sell, while other folks 
 couldn't. Such observations were made in reference to no individual 
 in particular, but were generally made by one farmer to another, 
 when perchance, they had just ridden by Mr. Meadows' heuse while 
 a wagoner's team was feeding at his camp. To this respectable couple 
 there bad been born only one offspring, a daughter. Miss Clary 
 Meadows had lived to the age of twenty-four, aud had nevei , within 
 the knowledge of any of the neighbors, had the first bean. If to the 
 fact that her father's always having corn to sell, without his neigMjors 
 knowing exactly bow he came by it, had to a considerable extent 
 discouraged visiting between their families and liis (though it must 
 be owned that this was not the fault of the Mcadowses, who had re- 
 peatedly, in spite of their superior Ibrtune, shown disposition.? to 
 cultivate good neighborhood with all the families around) if to thi.s 
 fact be added the further one, that Mi.ss Clary was bony, and, in no 
 respect, possessed of charms likely tu captivate a young gentleman 
 who had thoughts of marriage, it ought not to be very surprisiing 
 that she had, thus far, failed to secure a hu.sbaud. Nevertheless, 
 Miss Meadows was eminently affable when iu the society of such 
 gentlemen of the wagoners who paid her the compliment to call 
 tipon her in the house. So that uo person, however suspicious, 
 would have concluded from her manner on .such occasions, that her 
 prolonged state of single blessedness was owiflg to any prejudice to 
 the opposite sex. • 
 
 It is a remarkable tiling — whether in physiology or p.sychology, 1 
 do really ngt know — how often, not only the traits of character and 
 the lineaments of form in parAits are inherited by their children, but 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 11 
 
 their very habits and ways, and eten the good luck and bad luckof tlici'^ 
 lives. We have seen how that Mr* Meadows was wont to have corn 
 to sell at all seasons, while nobody ever knew how he got it. Strange 
 and Hnaccountable as this was, it was not more strange and unac- 
 countable than a fact which, about this period of Miss Clary's life* 
 transpired in her fortunes. To make short a long matter, Miss Clary 
 bad a baby ; and in reference to this same baby, as to how it came 
 there, there has been no more definite information — yea, even to this 
 day — than as to how three-fourths of the corn which Timothy 
 Meadows sold, found its way into his crib. 
 
 Israel, the baby — another thing uncommon with children — took the 
 name of his mother. The class of children of which l^e was an in- 
 dividual, are wont to have no names except such as they can acquire 
 by reputation. Generally, we know, society gives to the young the 
 names of their fathers ; and by good rights, Israel ought to have 
 borne another name than Meadows. Yea, doubtless, he would have 
 done so if it had evef been possible for him to have found his father. 
 But if he ever went out upon that laudible and pious pursuit, it is 
 certain that he failed in the prosecution of it. And so society, being 
 no more successful than himself, pronounced him in legal terms nullius 
 filius, which was asserting in so many words, that he never had a 
 father, and considering Miss Clary as solely responsible for his coming 
 into the world, it gave him her name after he got here. 
 
 There were many interesting occurrences in the early life of Israel 
 which it would bo foreign to the purpose of this history to relate. It is 
 enough to say, that he grew up under the eye and training of his grand- 
 %ther, and soon showed that some of the traits of that gentleman's charc- 
 ter were in no danger of being lost to society by a failure of reproduction. 
 
 In process of time, Mr. and Mrs. Meadows were gathered to their 
 fathers, and Mi«s Clary, yet unmarried , had become the proprietress 
 of the tottage and the farm. Israel had the luck of the Meadowses to 
 be always able to sell corn to the wagoncr.s. But unluckily the secret 
 which lay hidden in such profundity during the lifetime of his grand- 
 father, of how this wonderful faculty existed, did about sis months 
 previous to the period when he was introduced to the reader, tran- 
 
12 OTTMOROUS TALB6. 
 
 spire — a circumstanf c which -would induce one to suspect, in suit* of 
 the declaration of law in such case made and provided, that ther« 
 wae something in the blood of Israel which was not all Meadows. 
 
 One Saturday night, a (ft)mpany of the neighbors on patrol found a 
 nc<jro man issuing from the gate of Miss Meadows' yard with an 
 empty meal bag. Having apprehended him, they had given him not 
 more than a dozen stripes with a cowhide, before he confessed that ha 
 just carried the bag full of corn to Israel from his master's corn crib. 
 The company immediately aroused him, informed him what the slave 
 had confessed, and although he did most stoutly deny any and all 
 manner of connection with the matter, they informed him that they 
 should not leavc^the premises until they could go and get a search 
 warrcnt from a neighboring magistrate, by which, as their spokee 
 men, a shrewd man, said, they could identify the corn. This was a 
 ru&e to bring him to terms. Seeing his uneasiness, they pushed on, 
 and in a careless manner proposed, that if he would leave the neigh- 
 borhood by the next Monday morning, they would forbear- to prose- 
 cut€ him for this as well as many similar oflences, his guilt of which 
 they intimated |they had abundant proof to establish. Israel was 
 caught ; he rcflectfed for a few moments, and then, still, however, 
 asserting his innocence, but declaring that he did not wish to reside 
 in a community where he was suspected of crime, he expressed his 
 resolution to comply with their demand. H(* left the next day. — 
 Leaving his mother, he set out to try his fortune elsewhere, intend 
 ing that by the time the homestead could be disposed of, he would 
 remove with hoi to the west. Kut determining not to be idle in<h& 
 meantime, after wandering about lor several days in search of em. 
 ploymcnt, it suddenly occurred to him one night, after a day's travel, 
 that he would endeavor to get a school for tlic remainder of the 
 year. 
 
 Now, Israel's education had been somewhat /neglected. lnd«ed, 
 he had never been to school a day in his whole life. But he had at 
 home, under the tuition of his mother, been taught reading and 
 writing, and his 'j-randlathf i hod imparted to him some knowledge 
 of arithmetic. 
 
imifOROUS TALES. 13 
 
 But Mr. Israel Meadows, although not a man of great learning-, 
 wae a great way removed from being a fool. He had a considerable 
 amount of the wisdom of Ibis world, whicli comes to a man from 
 other sources besides books. He was like many other men in one 
 respect. He was not to be restrained from taking office by the 
 consciousness of parts inadequate to the discharge of its duties. 
 This is a species of delicacy which, of all others, is attended by 
 fewer practical result.?. Generally the most it does, is to make ita 
 owner confess with modesty, his unfitness for the office, with a he 
 'had hoped some worthier and better man had been chosen,' and 
 then take it. Israel wisely reflected, that with a majority of man- 
 kind, the only thing necessary to establish for oneself a reputation of 
 fitness for office, is to run for it and to get into it. A wise reflectioa 
 indeed ; acting on which, many men have become great in Georgia, 
 and, I doubt not, elsewhere, with no other capital than the adroit- 
 ness or the accident which placed them in office. He reflected 
 further, and as wisely as beforp, that the office of a school-master in 
 a country school was as little likely as any he could think of, to 
 furnish an exception to the general rule. Thus in less than six 
 weeks from the eventful Saturday night, with a list of school articles, 
 which he had picked up in his travels, .he had applied for and had 
 cibtained, and had opened the Gooscpond school, and was professina, 
 to teach the children spelling, reading and writing, at the rato of a 
 dollar a month ; and arithmetic and geography, at the advanced rate 
 of a dollar and a half. 
 
 ^'Mch were some of Mr. Meadows' antecedent?. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 il was the cusloiii of the pupils of the Goofccpond, as iu iau?t of 
 the other country schools of those times, to study aloud. Whether 
 the teachers thought that the mind could not act unless the tongue 
 wag agoing, or that the tongue agoing was the only evidence that 
 the mind was acting, it never did appear. Such had been the cus- 
 tom, and Mr. Meadows did not aspire to be an innovator. It was his 
 rule, however, that there should be perfect silence on his arrival, 
 to give him an opportunity of saying or doing anything he might 
 
14 HUMOROUS TALIW. 
 
 wish. This njoruing there did not seem to be anything on his miud 
 which required to be lifted off. He, however, looked at Brinkly 
 Gliseon with some disappointment of expression. He had beaten 
 him unmercifully the morning before, for not having gotten there in 
 time, though the boy's excuse was that he had gone a rcile out of his 
 way on an errand for his mother. He looked at the hoy as if he had 
 expected to have some business with him, which now unexpecfc- 
 edly had to be postponed. He then looked aruund over the school 
 and said : 
 
 'Go to studyin.' 
 
 It was plain, that in that house, Mr. Meadows had been in the habit 
 of speaking but to command, and of commanding but to be obeyed. 
 Instantaneously was heard then and there, that unintelligible tumult* 
 the almost invariable incident of the country schools of that generation. 
 There were spellers and readers ; geographers and aiithmeticians, all 
 engaged in their several pursuits, in the most inexplicable confusion. 
 Sometimes the spellers would have the heels of the others, and 
 Bometimes the readers. The geographers were always third, and 
 the arithmeticians always behind. It was very plain to be seen that 
 these last never would catch the others. The faster they added or 
 subtracted, the oftener they had to rub out and commence anew. It 
 was always hut a short time before they found this to be tlie case, 
 and so they generally concluded to adopt the maxim of the philos- 
 opher, of being slow in making haste. The geographers were a 
 little faster, and a little louder. But the spellers and readers had it, 
 I tell yon. Each speller and each reader went through the whole 
 gamut of sounds, from low up to high, and from high down to low 
 again ; sometime.s by regular ascension and dcscension, one note at 
 a time, sounding what musicians call the chromatic intervals ; at 
 other times, going .up and coming down upon the perfect fifths 
 only. Oh ! it was so refreshing to see the passionate eagerness 
 which these urchins manifested for the acquisition of knowledge. 
 To have sliced out about five seconds of that studying and put the 
 words together, would liave made a senteiico somewhat like the 
 lollowing : 
 
HUMOKOPS TALES. 15 
 
 0-d-e- twice e^an c-three r-ding-i-two 1-v-old. My seveu vill times 
 a-dc-l-cru-i-1 coia-g-f-is man o-six-h-nin-four ni-h-cight cat p-c-a-t-r tea 
 c-light is ca-Hght i-light x tween-by-tions fix dc-a-bisel-cru-fa-cor-a- 
 light-bisel-rapt-double-fe-good ty-light man cra-forn-ncr-ci-spress-fix- 
 Oh ! !' 
 
 To have lieard them for the first time, one would have been re- 
 minded of the Apostles' preaching at Pentacost, and it might not 
 have been difficult to liave persuaded a stranger unused to such 
 things that there were then and there spoken the languages of the 
 Parthians and Medes, Elamites and the dwellers in Mesopotamia, 
 and in Judea and Cappadocia ; in Pontus and Asia ; Phyrgia and 
 Pavophylia ; in Egypt and in the parts of Syria about Cyrene ; and 
 strangers of Rome, Jews and Prossylites, Cretes and Arabians — 
 Sometimes these cloven tongues would subside a little, when it 
 might be half a dozen would stop to blow ; but in a moment more, 
 the chorus would swell again in a new and livlier ac crescendo. — 
 When this process had gone on for half an hour, Mr. Meadows lifted 
 up his voice and shouted 'Silence,' and aU was still. 
 
 Now were to commence the recitations, during which, perfect 
 silence was re(iuired. For as great a help to study as this jargou 
 M as, Mr. Meadows found that it did not contribute any aid to the 
 doing of his work. 
 
 He now performed a feat which he had never performed before iu 
 exactly that manner. He put his hand behind the lappcl of his 
 coat collar for a moment, and then, after withdrawing it and holding 
 it up, his thumb and forefinger joined together, he said : 
 
 'There is too much fuss here. Pm going to drop this pin, and I 
 shall whip every single one of j'ou little boj's that don't hear it when 
 it falls. Thar !' 
 
 1 hcerd it, Mr. Meadows. I heerd it, Mr. ]M[eadows,' exclaimed 
 simwltaneously, five or six little fellows. 
 
 Come up here, you little rascals ; you are a liar !' said he to each 
 one. 'I never drapped it ; I never iiad nary one to drap. It just 
 shows what liars you are. Set down and wait a while, I'll ihow you 
 how to tell mc lies ' 
 
16 HVMOROl.S J AI.Kii. 
 
 The little liar.- slunk to their scats, and the rocitutions ooin- 
 menced. Memory was the only faculty of mind that underwent tlie 
 gmallest development at this school. Whoever could say exactly 
 ^hat the book said was adjudf^ed to know his lessons. About half 
 of the pupils on this morning' wore successlul. The other half were 
 found to be delijKiuont, Among those waa Asa Boatright's class. 
 That calcalating young gentleman knew his words and felt safe. 
 The class had spelled around thret- or four times, when, lo' the 
 contingency which Allen Thigpen had snggeet^d, did come to pase. 
 Betay Wiggins missed her word ; Heueritter Bangs, (in the lan- 
 guage of Allen,) hern, and Mandy Grizzle hem ; and thus responsi- 
 bilities were suddenly cust upon Asa, which he was wholly unpro 
 parcd to meet, and which, from the look of mighty reproach which 
 Lc gave each of these young ladies, as she handed oyer to him her 
 word, he evidently thought it the height of injustice, that he should 
 have been called upon to meet. Mr. Meadows, closing the book, 
 tossed it to Asa, who, catching it as it was falling at his feet, turned, 
 and, hi«3 eyes swimming with tears, wont haf^V lo hi:* sof«t. As li<« 
 passed Allen Thigpen, the latter whispered : 
 
 'What did I tell you ? You heered the piu drap, too.' 
 
 Now, Allen was in no plight to liavc given this taunt tn A.su. lit: 
 had not given five minutes study to his arithmetic during the 
 whole morning. But Mr. Meadows made a rule (this one with hini- 
 Bclf, though all the pupils knew it better tlian any rule he had,) never 
 to allow Allen to miss u lesson ; and as he had kindly taken this- 
 responsibility upon hiniself, Allen was wont to give himself no Iron 
 tie about the matter. 
 
 Briukly Glisson was the last to recite. Brinkly was no great 
 hand at pronunciation. lie had been reading but a short time 
 when Mr. Meadows advanced him into geography, with the pur- 
 pose, as Brinkly afterwards came to believe, of getting the half 
 dollar extra tuition. This morning he thought he knew his lesson ; 
 and he did, as he understood it. When called to recite, he went uj) 
 with a countenance expressive of wild happines;?, handed the book 
 to Mr. Meadows, and putting his bands into bis pockets, awaited tlie 
 questions. And now it was an interesting sight to see Mr. Meadow,s 
 
HITMOROUS TAI>BS. 17 
 
 amile as Brinklv talked ot is-Iands, and promonitaries, thismuscs 
 and heroispheries. The lad misuuder^tood that smile, and his heart 
 was glad for the unexpected reception of a little complacency (rem 
 the master. But he was not long in error. 
 
 'le-iands, eh ? Thismuses, eh? Take this book and see if you can 
 fimd any is-'auc s, and promonitaries ; and then bring them to me. I 
 want to Biiyi them things, T do ; find cm if you please/ 
 
 Brinkly took the book, and it would have melted the heart of any 
 other man tJian Israel Meadows to have seen the deep despair of 
 his heart as he looked ou it and was spelling over to himself tfae 
 words as he came to them. 
 
 *Mr. Meadowa/ he said, in pleading tonee, I thought it was is- 
 land. Here it is, I-s-1-a-n-d land : ie-land :' and he looked mU> his 
 face beseechingly, 
 
 'Is-land, eh ! Is-iantd ! iNow, tbismusep, and promonitaries and 
 headspher'es — " 
 
 Mr. Meadows, I did not know how to pronounce ihem words. I 
 asked you how to pronounce 'em, and you wouldn't tell me ; ant' I 
 asked Allen, and he told me the way I said them,' 
 
 *I believe that to be a lie.' 
 
 Brinkly's face reddened, and his breathing was fast and hard. He 
 looked at the master, as but once or twice before during the time he 
 bad looked at him, but made na auswer. At that moment, Allea 
 leaned carelessly on his desk, bifs elbows resting on it, and bis cbi-j 
 on hiB hands, and said, dryly : 
 
 ♦Yes I did tell him so.' 
 
 Mr. Meadows now reddened a little. After a. moment's pause 
 however, he said : 
 
 'How often have I got to tell yon not to ask any body but me how 
 to pronounce words ? That'll do, sir ; at down.' 
 
 Brinkly went to his seat, and looking gloomily towards the doot 
 A minute or two, he opened his^ book, bat studied it no more. 
 
18 mTMOROirS TALES. 
 
 CAAPTER IV. 
 
 Mr. Meadows now set about, wi.:.t was the only really pleasaiil 
 portion of his dutties, punishment of oflfenders. The lawyers tell 
 us that of the several portions of t he law, the vindicatory is the most 
 important. This element of the Goosepond had been cultivated so 
 much, that it had grown to become almost the only one which was 
 consulted at all. As for the declaratory, and the directory, they \rere 
 considered, when clearly understood, as impediments to a fair show- 
 ing and proper development of the vindicatory, in so much that 
 the latter was often by their means, disappointed of a victim for its 
 daily food. Mr. Meadows used t), somtimes when his urchins would 
 not 'miss' or violate any law, to put the vindicatory first, punish an 
 offender, and declare what he had done to be an offense, and then 
 direct him that he had better not do so any more. He ^ seemed to 
 owe a grudge to society. Whether for its not having given him a 
 father, as it had done to every body else, or because it had inter- 
 fered in the peaceful occupation which ho had iaheriteJ from his 
 grandfather, as if to avenge itself on him for violating one of its 
 express commands, that he, and such as he, should inherit nothing 
 from aynbody, it did appear. But he owed it, and he delighted in 
 paying it off by beating those children, each of whom did have, or 
 had had a father. So, on this morning, by way of taking up another 
 instalment on this immense debt, which, like most other debts, 
 seemed as if it never would get fully paid, ho took down his bundle 
 of hickorie* from two pegs in one of the logs in the side of the house, 
 on which he had placed them on his coming in, selected one £ve or 
 six feet long, and walking to the middle of the vacant place between 
 tke fire-place and the rows of desks, he sat down iji his chair and 
 said : 
 
 'Them spoiling classes and reading classes, and them others that's 
 got to be whipped, all but Sam Pate and Asa Boatright, come to 
 the circus.' 
 
 Five or six boys, and as many girls, from eight to thirteen years 
 old came up, and sitting down on the front bench, which extended 
 all along the length of the two row» of deiks, and pulling off 
 
their sho«s and stoekings, the bojs rolling up their paats, and tke 
 girls lifting their skirts up to their knees, the j made a ring around 
 Mr. Meadows as he sat in his chair, and commenced a brisk trot- 
 They had described two or three revolutions, and Mr. Meadows waa 
 straightening hie hickory, when Asa Boatright ran up, and crying 
 pit«ously, said . 
 
 'Please sir, Mr. Meadows ; please air, Mr. Meadow>, let me go in 
 the circus !' 
 
 Mr. Meado"ws rose up, and raised his hickory to strike : but he 
 looked at him a moment amusedly, and pointed to his Beat. As"a. 
 Trent back to it, looking most forlorn. Mr. Meadows, resuming hiK. 
 scat, went at once into the exciting part of the exhibition, bj tap- 
 ping the l«gs as they trotted around him. This was done at ficat 
 ve!:y gently, aud almost lovingly. Bmt gradually as the sport 
 warmed in interest, the rapidity andyiolence of the blows increased. 
 The children began to cry out, and then Mr. Meadows struck the 
 harder, for it was a rule — oh, he was a mighty man for rules, this 
 Mr. Meadows — that whoever cried the loudest should be hit tbe 
 hardest. He kept up this interesting and exciting amusement, un- 
 til he had given them about twenty five lashes apiece, the most of 
 them being easily counted by the stripes. He tken ceased. They 
 stopped instantly, walked around kim once, then seating themselrei 
 again on the bench, and resmming their shoes and stockings, they 
 went to their seats. One girl, thirteen years old, had begged hiai 
 to let hei keep on her stockings ; but Mr. Meadows was too Ilrm a 
 diBciplinarian toallow it. When she reUrnad to the front beneh, 
 she put on her shoes, ami taking her stockings up, and pitting theui 
 under her apron, ehe went to her seat and sobbed as if her heart w/s 
 brakes. 
 
 Allen Thigpou looked at her a noment, anil then he turned his 
 ci;e slowlj around and looked at Brinkly Glistoi, The latter iid 
 »et notice kim. Hesatwitk his hands in his pocketi, ^'aud his lips 
 «iempressed. Alle» kiew the steB{gl« that was jeing on, asd he 
 /ioBged to set hew it wewlci end Mr. Mesdewt rested three 
 miiiles- 
 
20 HUMOROUi* TALM. , 
 
 It has no doubt occurred to thoec who may Lave been reading 
 this true story, that it was a strange tiling in ks,^ Boatright, who so 
 well knew Mr. Meadowsj ways, thai he should have expressed so 
 decisive a wish to take part in this last described exhibition, an 
 exhibition which, however entertaining to Mr. Mcado>vs,as it doubt- 
 less was, and might be to many other persons, placing them in the 
 attitudes of spectators purely, was not, to the highest degree, agree- 
 able to one in the attitude which Master Asa must have known he 
 would have been made.to assume, had Mr. Moadows vouchsafed to 
 have yielded to his request. But Asa was not a boy who was 
 either a fool nor one who liad no care ^"•- ^i*^ i.liy^i.v'il well-being. 
 He knew what he was about. 
 
 'Sam Pate and Asa Boatright,' said Mr. Meadows, alter his rest 
 come out here and go to horsin. 
 
 The two lads came out. Master Paie gently mcliuoil luiu-scii iur- 
 ward. and Masier Boatright got upon hi.s back, and locked his arms 
 around his neck. The former gathering the lattcr's legs in his arms, 
 and drawing as tightly as possible his pants across his middle, 
 commenced galloping as fast as he* could around the area before the 
 fire-place. Mr. Meadows having taken a fresh hickory, commenced 
 appplying it with great force and. precisioft to that part of Master 
 Boatright's little body, which, in his present attHude, was the 
 most exposed. Every application of this kind cpused that young 
 gentleman to scream to the utmost of the strength of his voice, and 
 even to kick, which, Master Pate being for the occasion a horse, was 
 to understand as the expression of a wish on the part of his rider, that 
 he should get on faster, and to frisk and to prance, and otherwise to 
 inxitate a horse as far as he could in the circumstances. Now, these 
 circumstances being, that as soon as Master Boatriffht should have 
 ridden him abomt long enough, to have become incapacitated from 
 riding a real hors« with even tho smallest degree of comfort, they 
 were to reverse poBitiocs, Master Boatright becoming horso^nd him- 
 self rider, they were hardly sulEcient to make him entirely forget 
 his identity in the personation of that quadruped. He did his best 
 though in the Mrcumstancefi, s«ch a« they wore, and not only 
 
MUMOROU* TALp«. 21 
 
 pranced, but «ven neighed several times. When Asa was put into 
 the condition hinted at above, he was allowed to dismount. Sam 
 having mounted on his back, it was trul j stirring to the feelings to 
 see the latter kick and tlie former prance. This was always the 
 best part of the show. A rule of this exercise was, that when the 
 rider should dismount and become the Jiorse, he was to act well his 
 part j or be made to resume the part of rider, a prospect not at all 
 agreeable, each one decidedly preferring the part of the horse. Sana 
 was about three years older and twelve or fifteen pounds heavier 
 than Asa. Now, while Asa had every ^stimulus which as seusib le a 
 horse as he was could have, to do his best, jet he was so sore, and 
 Sam was so heavy, that he met with much difficulty. He pranced 
 about furiously, but fell several times. Finding that he CiMild do 
 no great things at prancing, he attempted to make up for ibis ., -fi- 
 ciency by neighing. When Sam cried out and kicked, Asa Heighcd. 
 He would stumble against a desk and ,iio-igh ; he would run head- 
 long against the wall and neigh ; he would lift up one foot and 
 neigh ; he would put it down, take up the other and neigh ; and 
 then when he would attempt to lift up both feet at once, he would fall 
 down and neigh. Never before had Asa so well acted his part in 
 the horsin' at the Goosepond. Never before had horse, with such 
 odds on his back, neighed so lustily. Sam screamed and kicked' 
 Asa pranced and neiglied, until at last, stumbling violently against 
 the bench, Sam let go his hold upon his neck, for fear of breaking 
 his own, and fell sprawling on his belly under a desk. Mr. Meadows 
 burst into a paroxysm of laughter. His soul was satisfied. He gave 
 Hp the pursuit and ordered them to their seats. They went to them 
 and sat down upon them with such a graduated declension of bodjr 
 as one would knowingly sit withal into a basket of eggs. 
 
 CHAPTER y. 
 
 After the cIobb of the last performance which Mr. Jdfeadows face- 
 Uously called 'horsin,' he rested about ten minutes. The most in- 
 teresting, the meet delightful, the most iu?piriting exercise was yet 
 to fallow. This was the puniahmeot of Briiikly GUgson. It was 
 
2d ivu^Roii 'iA.i.k:*. 
 
 strange tv t^f how he delighiccl in it. H<* was neyer f<'> ajrreeakle 
 at playtime, an»l in the afternoon, as Trhen ho had beaten Brink Ij in 
 ihp morning'. IT he rcfitcd his lesson, and thci'^ wa« no other pre- 
 text to heat him, Mr. Meadoww tt;is sadder and more peevish than usual 
 dining the remaindck of the daj, and looked and acted a« a man who 
 Icit tluit he wa? deeplj injured. Now Brinklv wa? one of the best, 
 and bravest, and honestcst boys in the world. lie was the onlj sen 
 of a widow, who had, M jrrcat sacrifice, sent him to Mr. Meadows' 
 school. He liati pitched and tended the crop of a few acres arounf^ 
 her house, and she had secured the promise of a neighbor to he'p 
 her to gathci it when ripe, and thus afforded her son an opportunity 
 of getting, as she said, a little schoolinji:. He was the apple of her 
 eye — the idol of her heart. H« was to her as v(f: always think of 
 him of whom it is said, 'He is the only son of his mother, and she ia 
 a widoM'.' The sacrifice she had to make, she made cheerfully ; for 
 si.c loved him as she loved her own soul. And Hrinkly had ever re. 
 p. id that fond mothers care, by the most constant love and duty 
 lie soon learned to read tolerably at the school, and was advanced 
 into geography in a couple of months. IIow proud the widow was 
 when she bought the new geography and atlas, with the proceeds n( 
 the sale of four pairs of socks, which (sweet labor of love !) she had 
 knit with her own hands. What a world of knowledge, she thought, 
 there must be in a book with live times as many pages as a spell- 
 ing book, and in those great red, blue, and pink i)ietur?s, coveriag 
 a whole |»age a foot square, and all this knowledge to become tho 
 property . f Brinkly ! But Brinkly soon found that geography w*» 
 iiliove his present capacity, and so told Mr. Meadows. Thai gen- 
 tleman received the communication with displeasure ; said that 
 what was the maltw with him wag laziness, and that Ia/.iue.?s, of all 
 ihe «|ualiti»K whieh a boy had, was the (me which he knew best what 
 do with. He ihen took to beating him. Brinkly, afker the first 
 eating, whiiJi was a light one, went home and told his mother of it, 
 and intimated hi» intention not to tak« another. The widow was 
 
 sorely diBtresicd, and knew not what to do. On tho one hand was 
 he r grief to know her Mn was unjustly beatcD, and his spirit eowed ;. 
 •r she kiitw that Lt ntviiitd all the time he had, and thotgh BBcdm- 
 
BliMOROUi TALKS. ZA 
 
 cated lierseir, she was uot like many other pureiits of her d»y, wlio 
 thought that the best means to tlevvilope thy mind, was to beat the 
 body. But, on the other hand, would be thcdisuppoiiitmcttt of hi* 
 g'ettittg- an education if he sliould leave the .srliool, there being then 
 no other ia the neighborhood. This, thought the poor woman, was 
 the worse liorn of the dilemma .: aud so she wept, and bogged him, 
 as he loved her, to submit to Mr. Meadowy. He should have the 
 mwe time for study. She would chop the wood and feed the stock- 
 He should have all the time at home to himself. He could get it, 
 she knew he could. It would come to him after awhile. 
 
 Brinklj yielded ; but how many a hard struggle he made to con- 
 ti»ue that submission, no one knew but ho, — not even his mother, 
 for he concealed from her, as much as he could, the treatment which 
 he had received and the suffering which he had endured. 
 Mr. Meadows could see this struggle sometimes. He knew 
 that the boy was not afraid of him. He saw it in his ey^ 
 every time he beat him, and it was this which afforded him such a 
 patiafaction to beat him. He wished to subdue him, and he had not 
 eucceeded. Briukly would never beg nor weep. Mr. Meadows 
 often thought he was on the point of resisting him ; but he knew 
 the reason why he did not, and while he hated him for it, he trusted 
 that it would last. Yet, he often doubted whether it would or not, and 
 thaa the matter became so intensely exciting, that lie eoatinually 
 BO«ght for opportunities of bringing itup^. He lo?ed to tempt him. 
 He had no doubt but that he could easily manage him in an even 
 combat ; but he did not wish it to come to that. He only gloried in 
 goading him almost to resistance, and then seeing him yield. 
 
 Hare, we not all seen liovs^ tlic showman a(ia[)tft liiia.self to 
 the diflerent animals of the menagerie How ({uickly and 
 sliaqjlv he speaks t^ the lesser animals who junjp ovit his 
 wand and back, and over and back again, and then (:rou(;h in 
 sibniisijioa a& he passe? by. But when lie goC'^i to the lion, 
 ^ou can scarcely hear liis low tones, as he (ommands hin> to 
 riie and perform his part, and is not certain wlicther the kini: 
 of the beasts will do as lie is bidden or not. Doubts like tho.-i- 
 were in tlie mind of Mr. Meadow.s, when he was about to set 
 upon Brinkly Glisson : but tlie greatt-r tlnn^c doiibts, the im-'i-c^ 
 he »HJoyed the trial. .-Xftrr a *;]jort rest iVon/* the fatigu*-.'* of 
 
24 BIMOROO TALKS. 
 
 the last exercise, during which he curiously and seriously eyed 
 the lad, he rotc from his seat, paced slowly across the room 
 once or twice, and takino- a hickory switch, the longest of all 
 he had, ho stopj^cd in the itiiddle of the floor, and in a low 
 quiet tone, said : 
 
 'Brinkly Glisson, come.' 
 
 Allen had been eyeing Brinkly all the time, 'since the close 
 of the circus. He saw the conflict which was going on in his 
 soul, and when Mr. Meadows had burst into theparoxysm of 
 lauglitcr, at the imtoward ending of the horsin, he thought he 
 ^^aw that the conflict was ended. 
 
 Slowly and calmly Brinkly rose from his seat, and walked 
 up and stood before Mr. Meadows. 
 
 'Why, hi!' thought Allen. 
 
 'Ofl' with your coat, sir,' — low and gentle, and with a co*m- 
 tenai'.cc almost smiling. Brinkly stood motionless. But he 
 had done so once or twice before, in similar circumstafices, 
 and at length yielded. 'OS' with" it, sir,' — louder and not io 
 gentle. No motion on Brinkly's part, not even in his eye«, 
 which looked steadily into the master's, with a meaning whieli 
 he nearly but not quite understood. 
 
 'Aint you going to pull ofl" that coat, sir?' 
 
 'What for?' asked Brinkly. 
 
 •What for, sir V 
 
 •Yes, sir; what for^' 
 
 •Because I am going to give you this hickory, you impudent 
 iscoundi-cl ; and if you don't pull it oflT this minute, I'll girc 
 you sich a beatin' as'll «nake yon feel like you never was 
 whipped before since you was born. Aint you going to pull 
 it off, sir?' 
 
 'No, sir.' 
 
 Allen wriggled on his seat, and his face shone as the fall 
 moon. Mr. Meadows retreated a step, and holding his fwitcli 
 two feet from the larger end, .he raised that end to strike. 
 
 "Sto]) one minute, if you please."' 
 
 Mr. McadoM's lowered his arm, and his face smiled it tri- 
 umph. . This Avas the first time Brinkly had ever begged. Pic 
 chuckled. Allen looked disappointed. 
 
 'Stop, eh? lyi! Tliis end looks heavy, does it ^ Well,l 
 wouUrnt be surprised if it war'nt sorter heavy. Will you pull 
 < >fl' your coat now, sir V 
 
MITMOROUS TALES. 25 
 
 'Mr. Meadows, I asked you to stop, because I wanted to say 
 a few words to you. You have beat me and beat mc, worse 
 than you. ouglit to beat a dog,' (Allen's face getting right 
 again ;) and'God in heaven knows that, in the time that'l have 
 come to school to you, I have tried as hard as a boy ever did, 
 to please you and get my lessons. I can't understand that 
 geography, and I aint been reading long enough to understand 
 it. I have asked you to let me quit. Mother has asked you. 
 You would'nt do it ; but beat me, and beat mc, and beat me, 
 (there' is no telling whether Allen wants to laugh or to cry), 
 and now, the more I study it, the more I don't understand it. 
 I would have quit school long ago, but mother was so anxious 
 for me to learn, and made me come. And now, I have took 
 oft' my coat to you tlie last time.' (Ah ! now there is a great 
 tear in Allen's eye,' 'Listen to me,' (as the teacher's hand 
 makes a slight motion,) 'don't strike me. I know I'm not 
 learning anything, and yom* beating aint going ■ to make me 
 learn any faster. If you are determined to keep me in this 
 geography, and to beat me, just say so, and I'll take>.my hat 
 and books and go home. I'd like to not come to-day, but I 
 thought I knew my lesson. Now, I say again, don't, for God's 
 sake, don't strike rac.' And he raised up both his hands, pale 
 and trembling. 
 
 It would be impossible to describe the surprise and rage ex- 
 pressed on the face of Mr. Meadows during the delivery, and 
 at the close of this little harangue. lie loolcc 1 at the boy a 
 moment. His countenance expressed the deepest sadness ; 
 but there was nothing in it liko <^ '/:;iu<'C or threatening. It 
 iwas simply sad and beseec'.l.ij^. The master raised his switch 
 and struck with all his might across his shoulders. 
 
 'My God !' cried the boy ; but in an instant sadness and be- 
 seeching passed from his face. The long pent up resentment of 
 liis soul gushed forth, and tlie fury of a demon glared from his 
 eyes. He wa« preparing to spring upon Mr. Meadows, when 
 the latter, by a sudden rush, caught him and thrust him back- 
 ward over the front bench. Tliey bothtumblcd on the floor, 
 between the rows of desks, Mr. Meadows uppermost. 
 
 'It's come,' said Allen, quietly, as he rose imv' looked down 
 upon the combatants. 
 
 Mr. Meadows attempt^ed to disengage hiiMr.ii and rise ; but 
 Brinkly would rise with him. After several uttempts at this, 
 
2<i BIMOROIft TAIJil. 
 
 Brinkly niaiia2:Pii to get upon one knee, and bj- a violent jerk, 
 to bt-ing Mr. Meadows down upon tlic floor, where 
 they were, in the phrascolojjy of the wrestling ring, 
 crop's and pile. Mr. Meadows slioutcd to two or three of the 
 hojs to bold Brinkly until he could rise. Tliey rose to obcj, 
 jbut Allen, without saying a Avord, put out his hand before 
 then), and motioning them to their scats, they resumed them. 
 And now the contest set in for good. Mr. Meadows strug- 
 gling to recover In's advantage, and Brinkly to improve what 
 he had gained. Tlie former's right arm was thrown across the 
 latter's neck, his right hand wound in and pulling violently 
 his hair, while his left hand pressed against his breast. Brink- 
 ly**? left leg was across Mr. Meadows' middle, and with his 
 right against a stationary desk, his right arm bent and lying 
 under him like a lizzard's, and his left in Mr. Meadows' shirt 
 collar, he struggled to get uppermost. When Mr. Meadows' 
 upper })ai-ts were rising, and about to rule the ascendant, 
 Brinkly \s lower parts would swell like a sea wave. Between 
 these two the strife was even ; and it was plain the matter 
 would have to be settled by Mr. Meadows' lower parts and 
 Brinkly's upper parts. Yet, when Brinkly would attempt to 
 raise his he^d, that hand wound in his hair would instantly 
 bring it back to the floor. When Mr. Meadows would at- 
 tempt to disengage himself from underneath Brinkly's leg, 
 that member, assisted by its brother from the desk, against 
 which it was pressed, hela^t like the boa holds the bullock. 
 Oh, Mr. Meadows ! Mr. Meadows ! You don't know the boy 
 that grappk^s witli you. You blow, Mr. Meadows! See! 
 Blinkly bh)ws'not half so hard. Remember, you walk a mile 
 to and from tlie school, and Brinkly seven, often running the 
 first half. Beside^;, there is something in Brinkly's soiil which 
 will not let him tire. The remembrance of long continued 
 wrongs, which cannot longer bo borne; the long subdued but 
 now inextinguishable desire of revenge ; every hostile feeling 
 but fear — all these are now dominant m that simple but lieroic 
 heart, and if you hope to conquer, you must fight as you uerer 
 have fought before, and never may have to fignt again. 
 
 Your right baud pulls less Angorously at the hair of Brink- 
 ly's ascending head, liook there! Brinkly's leg has moved 
 &n inch further across you ! Wring and tm-st, Mr. Meadows, 
 for right under tliat leg, if any where for you, is now the post 
 of honor. Can't vou draw ou't vour left leg, and plant it 
 
mVMOKOUS liJ.B«. -J 7 
 
 against the desk behind you, as Brinklj does with hit> right. 
 Alas! no, Brinkly has now made a hook of his left, and h\^ 
 Keel is pressing close in the cavity behind your knee. Ah ! 
 that was an imlucky move for you then, Mr. Meadows, when 
 you let Brinkly 's hair go, and thrust both of youv hands at his 
 eyes. You must have done that in a passion. But you are 
 raking him some now, tliat is certain. But see there, now ! 
 he has released his grasp at your shirt collar, and thrown his 
 left arm over you. Good morning to you now, Mr. Meadows! 
 
 In the instant that Mr. Meadows had released his hold upon 
 Ids hail", Brinkly, though he was being gouged terribly, re- 
 leased his hold upon his collar, tlirew his arm over his neck, 
 and pushing with all his might witli his right leg against the 
 desk, and making d corresponding pull with his lett, he suc- 
 ceeded in getting fully upon him ; then, springing up quick as 
 lightning, as Mr. Meadows, panting, liis eyes gleaming with 
 the fury of an enraged tigress, was attempting to rise, he dealt 
 him a blow in the iacc with his fist, which sent him back bleed- 
 iag li'ke a butchered beast. Once more the master attempted 
 to rise, and those who saw it will never forget that piteous 
 spectacle of rage, and shame, and pain, and fear. Once more 
 Brinkly struck him back. How that brave boy's face shone 
 •ut with those gaudia certaminisy which the brave always feel 
 when in the midst of an inevitable and righteous combat ! 
 Springing upon his adversary again and seizing his arms and 
 pinioning tneni under his knees, he wound his hands in liis 
 iSliaggy hair, and raising his head, thrust it down several timet 
 with all his might against the floor. 
 
 'Spare me! for God's sake, spare me !' cried Mr. Meadows, 
 in tones never before heard from him in that house.* 
 
 Brinkly stopped. 'Spare you,' he said, now panting him- 
 self. 'Yes !^ you who never spared anything that you could 
 hurt ! Poor cruel coward ! You loveti to beat other people, 
 and gloried in seeing them suffering, and when they begged 
 Tou to spare them, you laughed — you did. And now, you arc 
 beat yourself and whipped, you beg like a dog. Yes, and I 
 trill spare you,' he continued, rising from him. 'It would be a, 
 pity to beat any such a poor cowardly human as you ai'c any 
 longer. Now go ! and make them poor things there go to 
 horsin again, and cut 'em in two again ; and then git in the 
 •ircus ring, imd make them others, girLs and all — yes, girls 
 
28 MFMOROirS TALES. 
 
 and all — hold up their clothes and trot around you, and when 
 they cry like you, and beg you to spare 'em, do you laugh 
 again.' 
 
 He rose and turned away from him. Gathering up liis 
 liooks he went to the peg whereon his hat was hanging, and 
 was in the act of taking it down, when a sudden revulsion of 
 feeling came over him, and he sat down and wept. 
 
 Oh ! the feelings in that poor boy's breast ! The recollection 
 of the crnel wrongs which he had suffered ; of the motives so 
 full of pious duty,, which had made him endure them, the 
 thought ot how mistaken had been the wish of his mother that 
 he should endure them ; and then of how terribly they had 
 been avenged. These all meeting at once in his gentle bxit un- 
 taught spirit overcame it, and broke it into weeping. 
 
 Meanwhile other things were going on. Mr. Meadows, hag- 
 gardi, bruized, bleeding, covered with dirt, slank off towards 
 the lire-place, sat down in his chair, and buried his face in hi$ 
 hands. The pupils had been in the highest states of alternate 
 alarm and astonishment. They were now all standing about 
 their seats, looking alternately at Blinkly and Mr. Meadows, but 
 
 at the latter mostly. Their countenance plainly indicated that 
 this was a sight which, in their minds, had never before beea 
 vouchsafed to mortal vision. A schoolmaster whipped ! beat ! 
 choked ! his head bnmbed ! and that by one of his pupila. 
 And that schoolmaster Mr. Meadows ! Mr. Meadows, who, 
 ten minutes before, had been in the exercise of sovereign and 
 despotic authority. And then to hear him beg ! A school- 
 master ! — Mr. Meadows ! — to hear him actually beg Brinkly 
 to spare him ! Tliese poor children actually began to feel not 
 only pity, but some resentment at what had been done. They 
 were terrified, and to some extent miserable at the sight of so 
 much ])ower, so much authority, so much royalty dishonored 
 and laid low. Brinkly seemed to them to have transformed. 
 He vras a murderer ! a regicitU ! ! Talk of the divine right of 
 kings. There was never more reverence felt for it than the 
 children in country schools felt for the kingly dignity of the 
 schoolmaster of forty years agone. 
 
RSMOROirS T^LES. 29 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Allen Thigpen was the only one of the pupils who did not entiiely looc his 
 wits while the events of the last few minutes were transpiring. While the 
 contest was even between the combatants, he stood i^azing down upon them 
 with the most intetise interest. His body was bent down slightly, and his arm? 
 were extended in a semi circle, as if to exclude the rest of the world from a scene 
 which he considered all his own. When Mr. Meadows called for quarters, 
 Allen folded his arms across his breast, and to a tune, which was meant for 
 •Auld Lang Syne,' and which sounded indeed more like that than any other, he 
 sang as he turned off, about half of the line beginning with 
 
 'Jerusalem, my happy home,' 
 When Mr. Meadows bad taken his .^at, he looked at him for a moment or two 
 as if hesitating what to do. He then walked slowly to him and delivered the 
 following oration : 
 
 'It's come to it at last, jest as I saiii I seen it from the fast ; you ought t» 
 a seen it yourself, but you would'nt ur you could'nt, and I don't know which, 
 and it makes no odds which, you did'nt. 1 did, and now its come, and sick a 
 beatin, Jerusalem ! But don't you be too much took back by it. You war'at 
 goin to keep school here no longera to-day, nohow" Now, I had laid off in my 
 mind to have gin you a duckin this very day ; and I'll tell you for why. If ot as 
 I've got anything particklar agin you, myself ; you have not said one word o»t 
 «f the way to m« this whole term. But, in the fust place, its not my opinio«> 
 nor haint been for sometime, that yon are fitten too be a schoolma'^ter, Thar's 
 them sums in intrust — intrust is the very thing and the onliest thing I wanted 
 to learn — I say, thar's them sums in intrust, which I can't work and Which yoa 
 can't show me how to work, or haint yit, though I've been cypherin in it now 
 two months. And thar's Mely Jones, that's in the same, and she haint learnt 
 'em neither, and dinged if I bclisve all the fault 's in me and her, and in couras it 
 can't be in the book. But that aint the main thing ; its your imposin disposi" 
 tion. If this here school-house.' he continued, looking around, 'if this h«re 
 school-honse haint seen more unmerciful beatin than any other sehool-houae iu 
 this country, then, I say its a pity that thar's any sich a thing as educatioa- 
 And if the way things has been oar'd on 'in this here school-house, sense yoa 
 you've been in it is the onliest way of getting of a education, then I say agaia, 
 its a pity thar's sich a thing. It aint worlli while for me to name over all the ways 
 yoo'vehad of tormenlin o' these children. You know 'em ; I know 'era : every- 
 body about this here school-honsc knows 'em. Now, as I said before, I had laid off 
 to a gin you a dnekin this very day, and this morning I was going to let 
 Brinckly into it, t«ll I found that the time I seen was a comin ia him 
 
3# ■IMOJ(0l« TALlLt. 
 
 ^M done come ; and J J^nowed he wonlU'ul jine in dockia you ou a<,'i;o«ut of 
 Lis mother. >«"»w I've been thiukiug o' this for laore'n two week?, beka?e— 
 new listen to we: didui you say you was from Sauth Carolina?' 
 
 Tauaing for, but not recuiving au answer, he coitinued : 
 
 'Yes, that's what you eaid. Well, now I've hearn a mau— a travelia luaj— 
 wko staid all night at our house on his way to Fluriday, gay he knowed you. 
 Toa aint front South Callina ; I wi^fa you was, but you aint ; you're from 
 Georgy, and 1 'm ashamed to uay it. lie ast me, geeio me a stadyio, who 1 
 went to school to, and when 1 told him, (Mr. .Veadowa appearing to be liate*- 
 ing) Meadows,' says he, 'what Meadows?' 'Iserl' says I. 'Iseri Meadows a 
 sckool-master, says he V and ke laughed, be did ; he laughed fit to kill hisself. 
 Well, he told me whar you was raised, and u-ho you uvs. Bat you need'at be 
 too bad skeered. I aint told it to the fust human, and I aiot going to teli you 
 leave. Now, I had laid off, as 1 told you, to gin you a duckin, b*t 1 had'nt 
 the heart to de it, and you id the fix you are now at the present. Nuff sed, as 
 seed iu a bar-room in Augusty ou a piece of pasteboard, under the words *No 
 credit,' wJieu 1 was thar. Wonder if thar's going to be much more schooliu 
 here V' 
 
 Saying which, Alien puckered up his mouth as if for a whistle, and stalked 
 back to his seat. 
 
 Mr. Meadows, durisg the last few sentences of this harangue, iiad exkibited 
 evidadce of a new emotion. When Allea told him what the traveler had said 
 he looked up ^rith a countenance full of terror, and on Allen assuring him that 
 ke had not meutioued it, he had agaiu buried his face in his hands. Whea 
 Allen went back to hia sent, he rose and beckoniujr to him imploringly, t'aey 
 treit oat of tha house together a few steps and stopi>ed. 
 
 I never done you any harm,' said Mr. Meadows 
 
 Ton never did, certio, shore,' answered Alloa, 'nor uo particklar good. Bat 
 lifeat'g neither here uor thar ; what do yom waut ?' 
 
 Doa't tell what yeu heard tell I jit away.' 
 
 'Did'nt I say I would'nt ? Uut yoa must leave tolerble soou. I can't keep 
 it long. I fairly eech to tell it bow,' 
 
 'L'U<; school-master stood a naomt-rit, turning hia hat i» his hands, as if liesi* 
 laiing what eort of leave to take. He timidly offered Alleii bis hand. 
 
 'I rutfaer no^,' said Allen, and for the first lime seemed a little embarrassed. 
 Suddeoly the mau hauled his hat on his head, and walked away. lie had jast 
 ©Ktered the path iu the thicket, and turning unobservjnl, he paused, and looked 
 back at the school-house. And oh, the anger, the iapotent rage, the chagrin 
 acd shaiae which were depicted on his bloodshot face. N'o exiled monarch 
 
eT«y felt were grief »«(! misery than he felt at that inomcm. He pauKd but 
 foF a nwrntnL Then laising both bis hands ami ehating: them towards t!i3 
 house without saying a word, he turned again and almost ran along the path. 
 
 Alter h« had gone, and not until he had gotten oat oi sight, Allen, to whom 
 all eyes -were turnctl (except BrinkJy'g who yet sat with his head hiddtn la hi^ 
 hands ob the bench) took Mr. Meadows' chair, and crossing his legs, said ; 
 
 'Well, boys and gals, the •oosepond it seem arf a broke up school. The 
 school-master have, so to speak, absquatnlated. Thar's to be no more horaia * 
 here ; and the circus are clean shot up. And the only thing I hates about it 
 is that its Brinkly that's dor.e it and not me. But he would'nt give me a 
 cbanec. No,' he continued, sorrowfully and as if speaking to himself, 'he 
 wonld'nt give mc a chance. Nary single word could 1 ever git him to say to 
 me out of the way. I have misted lessons, 'deed I never said none. I never 
 kept nary single rule in his school, and he would'nt say nothing to mc' 
 
 Then rising and roing to Brinkly, he put his hand upon hia shoulder. 
 
 'No, its jest as it ought to a bin ; you was the one tc do it, and in the naaio 
 of all that's jest, Brinkly Glisson, what ?.$ you been cryin about ? Git up, boj 
 and go and wash your face. I would rather have done what you've done, than 
 '0 a bin the man that fooled the tory in the Revolutionary "War, and stolcd his 
 horse in the life of Marion. Come along and wash that face and handa.' 
 
 And he almost dragged Brinkly to the pail, and poured water while be 
 washed. 
 
 The children, recovering from their consternatien into which they had beeu 
 thrown by the combat and its result, now began to walk about the hous«, 
 picking up their book« and laying them down again. They would go to the 
 door and look out towards Mr. Meadows' path, as if expecting and indeed, half- 
 way hoping, half-way fearing that he would return ; and then they woulrf 
 stand around Allen and Brinkly. as thclatter was washing and drying himself. B«l 
 they spoke not a word. Suddenly Allen, wimicking the tone of Mr. Meadows, 
 cried out : 
 
 'Asa Boatright and .Sam Pate, go to horsin.' 
 
 Ib a moment they all burst into sho*ts of laughter. Asa mounted upo« 
 vSam'i back, and Sam pranced about and neighed, ah, po gaily. Allen got a 
 switeh and made as if he would strike Asa, and that young gentleaian for the 
 first time in the performance of this iateresting exercise, acreamed with delight 
 iastead of pain. 
 
 'Lit ^sabe the sehool-Biatter,' sho«tcd Alien. 'Good moraiug, Mr. Boat- 
 right,' said he with notk humility. -Mr. Boatright, may T go out ?' aikeil 
 tiMifhv. half a dozca Idot;-. 
 
3S HUIMSOIS TALBS. 
 
 Asa dismounted, and seizing a hickory, kc stood up in the middle ol :he floor, 
 and the others formed the circus around him. Here they came and went, 
 jsmping over his switch, and crying out and stooping to rub their legs, and 
 begging him to stop 'for God's salie. Mr. Boatright, stop.' 
 
 Suddenly an idea struck Mr. Eoatright. Di3l)andiug the circus, he cried 
 oat : 
 
 You, Is'rl Meadows, come up here, sir. Been a lightcu, have yon, sir t come 
 '•Hp. sir. Oh, here you are.' 
 
 Mr. Boatright fell upon the teacher's chair, and of all the Qoggiugi which a 
 harmless piece of furniture ever did receive, that unlucky chair, did the:i and there 
 receive the worst. Mr. Boatright called, it names, he dragged it over the 
 floor ; he threatened to burn it up ; .he shook it violently ; he knocked it 
 against the wall ; one of its rounds falling out, he beat it most unmercifully 
 with that ; and at last, exhausted by the exercise and satisfied with his revenge 
 he indignantly kicked it out of doors, amid the screams and shouts of his 
 school-fellows. 
 
 CHAPTER Vn. 
 
 •Far you well,' said Allen, solemnly, lo the fallen chair. 
 
 They now all gathered u p their books and slates, and hats and bonnets, and 
 started ofl for their several homes. Those who went the same way witli 
 Brinkly, listened with the most respectful attention as he talked with Allen on 
 the way, and showed how bitterly he had suffered from tl)e crucify of Mr 
 Meadows. They had already lost their resentment at the dishonor of tha^ 
 monarch'd royalty, and were evidently regarding iirinkly with the devotion 
 with which mankind always regard rebels who are successful. Each one strove 
 to get the nearest him as he walked. One little fellow, after trying several 
 times to slip in by his side, got ahead and walked backwards as he looked at 
 Brinckly and listened. He was so far gone under the old regime that he felt n^ 
 relief from what had happened. He had evidently not understood anything at 
 all about it. He seemed to be trying to do so, and to make out for certain 
 whether that was Brinkly or not. The voice of those young republicans, had 
 Brinkly been ambitious, weuld hare made him dictator of the Goosepond. 
 Even Allen felt a consideration for Brinkly, which was altogether new. He 
 had always expected that Brinkly would at some day resist the master, bat hp 
 did not dream of the chivalrous spirit of the lad nor that the resistance when it 
 flhonld come, would be so terrible and disastrous. He had always regarded 
 Brinkly as his inferior; he was now quite satisfied to consider him as no more 
 than hie equal. How we all, brave men and cowards, do honor the brave ! 
 
HUMCatOUS TALBS. ^ 33 
 
 And Brinkly had just given, iu the opinion of his school-fellows, the most 
 brilliant illustration of courage which the world had erer seen. 
 
 Bmt Brinkly was not ambitious nor vain ; he felt no triumph in his victory . 
 On the contrary, he was sad ; he wished it could have been avoided. He ^aid 
 to Allen that he wished he could have stood it a little lonsjer. 
 
 'Name o' Gui, Brinkly Glisson, what for? It is the astonishenist thing I 
 ever heerd of, for you to be sorry for maulin a rascal who beat you like a dog, 
 and that for nothin. What for, T .=»y again ?' 
 
 'On mother's account.' 
 
 Allen stopped — they had gotten to the road t'aat tamed off to his home. 
 
 'You tell your mother that when she knewa as much about that villian as j 
 
 do, she will be proud of vou for maulin him. Look hcic, Brinkly, I promised 
 
 him I would'nt tell on him tell he had collected his schoolin account and was off 
 
 But you tell your mother that if she gdla hurt with you for thrashin him, she 
 
 will get worse hurt with herself when she knows what I do.' 
 
 Saying this, Allen shook hands with him and the others and went oS, merrily 
 singing 'Jerusa. ;u my happy home.' Soon all the rest had diverged by by- 
 roads to their own homes, and Brinkly pursued his way alone. 
 
 It was about twelve o'clock when he reached home. The widow's house was 
 a single log tenement with a small shed-room behind. A kitchen, a meat-house, 
 a dairy, a crib with two stalls in the rear, one for the horse the other for the 
 cow, were the out building?. Homely and poor as this little homestead was, it 
 wore au^ir o' much neatness and comfort. The yard looked clean ; the floors 
 of both mansion and kitchen were clean, and the little dairy lookai as if it 
 knew it was clean, but that was nothing new or strange. Several large rost 
 bushes stood on either side of the little gate, ranged along the yard puling. 
 Two rows of pincks and narcissus hedged the walk from the gate to the doer 
 where, on blocks of oak, rested two boxes of the geranium. 
 
 The widow was in the act of sitting down to her dinner, when hearing the 
 gate open and shut, she advanced to the door to see who might be there. Slow- 
 ly and sadly Brinkly advanced to the door. 
 
 'Lord have mercy upon my soul and body, Brijikly, what is the matter with 
 you ? and what have you bc«n a doing, and what made you come from the school. 
 louse this time o' day ?' was the greeting he met. 
 
 'Don't be scared, mother ; it is'nt much that's the matter with me. Let us 
 ait down by the fire here, and I'll tell you all about it.' 
 
 lliey sat down, and the mother looked upon the son and tiie son upon the 
 ■Other. 
 
M ■•ll«KOfK TALII. 
 
 I wa-' afraid it wonlil tome to it. mother ; God knowa how 1 h»Te trie d t» 
 keep I'rom doing what I bare bad to Co at tut. 
 
 •Brinttlj, haT« jea »one and Ibigllt with Mr. Meadows V 
 
 •Ye», mother.' 
 
 And £0 ruined your$elf and me, too." 
 
 'I hope not, molhcr." 
 
 'Yes, here have I worked aijd denied myself; day and nig-Ut I bate pinched 
 lo give you an education, and 'his is the way you pay me toe ic.' and she fell 
 straight to crying. 
 
 'Mother, do listen to me before yon cry and fret any more, and I believe yon 
 will think 1 have lot done wrong. Please, mother, listen to me/ he entreated 
 iis she continned to weep, and ro?kiJ herself in order, as it seemed, to gire ei 
 couragement and keep time to Lor weeping. But she wept and rocked. Br inkly 
 turned from her and seemed dogedly hopele«. 
 
 'Say on what you're going to say. S;iy on what yon'rc going to say. If 
 youTe got anything to say, eay it. 
 
 '1 can't tell you anything while yon keep crying so- Pleas* don't cry, inothsr 
 I don't believe yen will blame me when I tell you what f hav- b.-en throigk. > 
 iHs manner was so Lvmble aud beseeching, that his motlitT -u: ^^till and ia a 
 less fretful tone, again bade him go on. 
 
 Mother, as 1 eaid before, (jfed knows that I've tried to keep from it. and c«nld 
 nut, you don't know, mother, how that man has treated ms. ' 
 
 'Jlow has he treated you ?' .-;he inquired, looking at her sen for the first tin? 
 fhe had l>ee)i sitting. 
 
 You were so anxious fo.- mu to iearu. and 1 was so auxious myself to learo 
 that 1 have never told you of hardly auy of his treatment. Oh, mother, he kts 
 beat me worse than anybody oaght to beat the meanest dog. He has called mc 
 and you poor, nnd made fan of ns because wc were poor. He has called me a 
 scoundrel, a beggar, a fool. When I told him that you wanted mc to qnit 
 geography, he said you was a fool and ha<l a fool for a son. anfl that he had ■« 
 doubt that rny father was a fool btMorc mc' 
 
 The widow dried her face with her handkerchief, settled herself in hor ekair 
 aud said : 
 
 'When he said them things he told a— what s not no ; I'll say it if ke is a 
 fchool-mafltcr.' And she looked a« if she was aware that the responsibility of 
 that bold observation wai large. 
 
 'He said,' eentinvcd Br'inkly, that I should stidy it, aid if I dtd'at git Mie 
 Itasoss he'd beat ma as tong as k« eoald find a hiekory to beAt me witk. l s4w«4 
 it all beeaits it was ay eity «k»«e to git aiy sohoolia. Sit T told hiM Wta 
 
HTJMOEOUS TALES. 35 
 
 — that is when ho called you a fool, and father one, too — that it was'at so, and 
 that be ought not to say so. Well, yesterday, yoa know you sent me by Mr. 
 NorrLs' to pay back the meal we borrowed, and i did'nt get to the school-house 
 quite in time. But he was'nt more than a hundred yanlg ahead of mc, and when 
 he saw me, he hurried just to keep me from being in time. When I told him 
 liow you had sent me by Mr. Norr',', he only laughed and called me a liar, and 
 then — look at my shoulder, motdjer.' • ; 
 
 He took off his coat, unbuttoned his shtrt and eXy ;ou!der and back, 
 
 blackened with hideous bruises. 
 
 'Oh, my son, my poor son,' wag all that mother could say. 
 
 She had not, in fact, know 5 a tenth of the crueltica and ia^ults which Brinkly 
 had borLC He Lad frequently importuned her to let him quit the school But 
 she, supposed that it was because of the difflpulties of learnii^ hia lessoo A'hich 
 got for him au occasional puni.^braent, and such as was incident to th 'ileof 
 every school-boy. bad and good, idle and ihdoitrlon?. These thoughts, cvp ' ling 
 ■with ber ardent dosirc that he should have'somf.' 'earning, even at '■,• : of 
 receiving some harsh and even unjust pmlishmeijt; made her persist ii; .^cciiing 
 him there. Seeing her anxiety, and to avoid making her unhafipy, Brinkiy had 
 concealed fram her the greater nart of the wrongs which iie had sufferrcd. But 
 when she heard how he had been abused, and p^aw the f tripes and bruises upon 
 his body, her motjier's heart could not restrain itsiili', and she wept sorely. 
 
 Well . mother, I stood this too, bat last night I cauld'nt sleep. I thoug'ht 
 about all he had said and al! Iw had done to me, and I made up my mind to quit 
 him any how. But this marning before day I thought, for your sake, I would 
 try it once more. So I got up and studied my lesson here and all the way to 
 the school houso ; and I did know it, mother, or I thought I did, for lie would'nt 
 tell me how to pronounce the words, but Allen Thigpen did, and I pronounce<l 
 them just like Allen told me. When I told him that, he called mc a liar, and 
 afterward.^ I begged him not to strike me but to let nio go home. But 
 would strike nie, and I fought him.' 
 
 'And you done right. 'Oh, ray son, my poor Brinkly I Yea, you are poor 
 the poor son of a poor wi'dow ;|but I am proud that you have got the heart 
 to fight when you are abused and insulted. If 'd known half of what yon have 
 bad to bear, you should have quit bis school long ago, yoii should, Brinckly, my 
 darling, that you should. But hew could you expect to tight him and not be 
 beat to death ? Why didn't you run away from him and come to me ? He 
 would'nt have beat you bo where I was.' And she looked as if she felt herself 
 
 be quite sufTicient for the protection of her young. 
 
 'Mother, I did'nt want to run ; I could'nt run from such a man asiio is. Once 
 
 1 thought I would take my hat and books and come away ; bat I could not do 
 
36 UBMOROra TA.Lfc6. 
 
 that wilbout running and I lOiUd'nt run; ijou woald'nt want nje to ran. woaKi 
 yon, mother?' Tlie widow lookeci puzzled. 
 
 'No, but hf is so much bigger than you, that it wouldnt a looKcd exactly 
 like yon wa? a coward ; and then he has hurt yoo so bud'; my poor Briakly- 
 'lu dou't know how your (ace is scratched.' 
 
 1 hurt him worse tlian he hurt me. mother ' 
 •Vvhat?^ 
 
 'I hurt him worse than he hurt me ; I qot the best of it. 
 'Glory!' 
 
 In fact. I whipped him.' 
 'Glory 1 jrlorv I' 
 'When J had him down— 
 Brinkly, did you have him down, my jor, .' 
 Yes, and he begged me t« spare him." 
 Glory be to- -glory be to — but you did not do it, did you ? 
 'Ye.q. mother, as soon as he give up and begged me to stop, [ let him none.' 
 
 • I would'ot B done it, certin, shore I' 
 
 Yes you wouW, mother ; if you had seen how he was hurt, and how badiy 
 he looked, yon would a spared him, I know you would." ' 
 
 •Well, maybi: J might ; 1 suppose it wa.s right, as he was a man grown aad ;• 
 school-master to boot. Maybe it was best : maybe it was best — maybe F might 
 a done it too" 
 
 She had nsfu Irom the chair and was pacing the floor. This new view of 
 Drinckly's relation to his tyrant was one on which she rcfjuired time for reflec 
 lion. She evidently fcU, however, that as Flrinkly had ;f0 often been at the 
 bottom in the combat, now, when he had risen to the top, there was no great 
 liaDO in staying there a little longer. 'TJiit maybe i t was best ; 1 reckon now he 
 wont be quite so brash with his other scIinLirp.' 
 
 He will never have another chance.' 
 
 •What'.'" 
 
 •Allen ha.s found out all about him, and where lie oanie from, and .-^ays he is a 
 man of bad diaracter. He begged Allen not to say anything about it until ho 
 got his money and could git away. So he is quit and the school is broke up." 
 
 •Glory I glory 1 hallelujah!' shouted again and sung the mother. 
 
 Let her shout and sing ! Infioite juatice, pardon the poor widow lor shouting 
 and singing, now, when lier only son, though poor and an orphan, though bruised 
 and mangled, appears to her grand and l.)eftutiful as if he were a monarch's son 
 and the heir to a mighty empire. ' 
 
JUDGE MIKE AND HIS COURT 
 
 -»•* - » ^~ 
 
 CHAPTER [. 
 
 Once upon a- time, in this glorioms country, a I'espectable but 
 vmcducated gentlewoman, who had taken to her home the 
 ohild of poor parents, h!j,d brought her up with much care and 
 tenderness ; and had, tliough reluctantly, allowed her to re- 
 ceive, at the hands of some other benevolent person, a year's 
 schooling, luid the misfortune to lose her protege. The young- 
 lady, wlio was very pretty, being offered a home in a family, 
 Avhere she supposed tliat she could find better society and more 
 enjoyments than wei*e to be luid in the liousc of her first bene- 
 factress, accepted this offer, and refused to return. Tlie good 
 lady, in her distress, stiirching eagerly how slie might avoid 
 placing anyblainc upon the beloved cliild of her adoption, at 
 tributed her loss to education. 
 
 'It was education, sii-,' she suid l)itterly, uhtii .^iir. liad give.. 
 up her efforts to recover her lost love. 'It was education that 
 done it all. They may say what they please about education : 
 T do believe that the niurc education people have the meaner 
 they get.' Woe had been to the schools and colleges hence- 
 forth if she could have had her way with them. 
 
 There are many persons in this, which, in our pride lor some 
 things she has done, we call the Empire State of the South, 
 who feel aiul speak like this gentlewoman regarding another 
 great instrument of fivili%ation. A few of the iudgmeuts of 
 
38 HUMOROUS TALES. 
 
 our Supreme Court Jiave appeared to them to he erroneous, uutl 
 destined to t^c fruitful of evil elfeets upon the enjoyment of 
 personal security and private luvjperty. Now if it be not, it 
 ought to be generally known, that the judges of that Court are 
 required, (and such has actuallj been the case witli each one 
 of them, that ceremony never having, in a single instance, 
 been omitted,) to take solemn oaths on their accession to the 
 Bench, that they will administer the laws of the State. Un- 
 fortunately, however, it has tJius far, from some cause, been 
 impossible for our Legislatures to make u j^ei-fect judiciary 
 system. So various are- the pursuits of men, so complicated 
 are the relations of business and social intercourse, and so 
 subtle arc the influences, which control their minds and direct 
 their actions, that our Legislators, even admitting that they 
 have usually, beeii our wisest and best men, have sometimes, 
 as if to make* good the saying, 'that there is nothing perfect 
 under the sun." enacted very unwise laws. Tliese laws, our 
 judgl's not bcuig invested by the constitution with ])ower to 
 change them, have' had occasions to declare to be in full force 
 as ]oi\^ as they remain unrepealed. But many of those who 
 have been dissatisfied with the judgments which .seem so 
 blameable, are wont, in their hasty indignation, tt> attribute all 
 tlie consequences of erroneous legislatiou to the circumstances 
 of there being an institution called 'A Supreme Court lor the 
 correction of Errors.' If we hear tliat, away»down in a AVire- 
 grass county, where there is not much of nnjrthing good to eat 
 but beef, a hungry lout lias stolen a yearling, and l)ecn ac- 
 qutited on the trial of the indictment of a jury, the foreman 
 of which had a liind quarter to liimself, too dieap and asked 
 no questions, wliy, there is the Supreme Court! Why don't 
 it stop such things^ If an evil disposctl person is guilty of 
 malicious mischief, or an owner of a tippling shop keeps it open 
 on the Sabbatli day, and a young solicitor, who has been six 
 months or a year, at the bar, does not kniow how to prosecute 
 these offences, and they go unpunished. Why there now ! 
 didn't T tell you so ? Can you expect luiy thing else as long as 
 we have a Supreme Court ? If a good man's daughter, thir- 
 teen years old, is stolen, hurried before a Justice of the Peace, 
 and* in iSve minutes' time made the wife of a vagabond — good 
 Heavens ! Is there no law to prevent such outrages against 
 the happiness of parents and the well being of society. None. 
 Ah ! no, I suppose not. That Supreme Court ! it ought to be 
 
KL'MOKOUS TALES. 39 
 
 abolished. 1 do hope the next Legislature will abolish the 
 whole concern. We shall never have any peace again until 
 we set back to the good old times under whicli our fathers 
 lived. 
 
 Well, those old tunes were very good iu uuuiy respects. 
 Beef was cheap, and the temptation to steal it was small. Men 
 did not often commit malicious mischief, or keep open tip- 
 pling houses on forbidden days, because land was not high, 
 ])Cople lived more widely apart, and every one kept his own 
 liquor at home, gave to his neighbor, and received from his 
 neighbor as much as they wished ; and, except upon Sundays, 
 when they went to church, all got drunk as often as they 
 pleased. ' Nor did maids of tliirteen very often run otf with 
 vagabonds; l)ecause, fortunately for themselves, they were 
 kept at home with their mothers at that age, and knew no bet- 
 ter than to obey them ; while what few vagabonds there were, 
 were wont, in the small developemeut which the credit system 
 had undergone, to carry upon their persons the unmistakable 
 badges of their profession. 
 
 It is pleasing to an old man, like me, to recur to thos'e times. 
 Corn, twenty cents a bushel, except to wagoner.^, who being 
 strangers, and considering that their silver might, prove to be 
 pewter, were made to pay a quarter of a dollar. Bacon, no 
 price at all, because everybody had a plenty, and because the 
 woods were full of game, and the creeks wcro full of tisb. 
 Blessed be the memory of those old tiines I The most of those 
 who were then my friends and ro^> ',;.:;;<•: o are gone, and I 
 am left almost alone. B':„ a. ur Uic recollection of what they 
 were to me, I say again, blessed be the memory of those old 
 times ! 
 
 But like all other times, they had their evils and their wants. 
 Men and systems were not perfect even then. True, they had not 
 many schools, and they had no Supreme Court. And 
 yet, in what schools and courts they did havey there 
 were many things, which, when men thought u]>onfhem at all, 
 they thou^t might as well have been done ditt'd'ently, or left 
 undone. Tlie schools had ways of righting theinselves. The 
 thini^s done in them, though seriously inconveuient at the time 
 of their doing were not very serious in theii' consequences. 
 Boys knew them to be, as they were, institiifj.pVv^ uil^etoZM 
 to get used to them. Or. if i..?ribd down to a moderate and 
 he irot his duckinL'. "^ 
 
I 
 
 HBM.>R<JL'K TAL>>. 
 
 reasonable rompcratui-o. Not .>o with \hv V6ur\> and the 
 Judges, when, what pomctinu^ wiw the lasc. one of the latter 
 ivap neither fully edueated in all the Icarninir ap|)li(!,iblc to all 
 cases arisinix in law and in Chancerv, noi- wholly above the 
 prejudices and other infirmities to which the rc?t of niaulcind 
 are subject. 
 
 Wliilc men :ui' thinking of those old time.^ nnd reminding 
 one anothiM- of the jnany :z;lorious things wliich tliey liad, (c*^- 
 pecially yonng men, who. having rcccivc<l them by tradition, 
 regard them with peculiar love and veneration, lli()]>citwillnot 
 be amiss in nic — wlio have lived in both the old and the new 
 — to describe as well as my memory will serve me, a character 
 or two, and a scene or two, which the funner enacted in :\ 
 Court, now nearly thirty years ago. And as T have used many 
 words in^ the way of ]»rcliminaries, and as I have mentioned 
 one tact wliich, (though it has nothing whatever to do with 
 my narrative, except to hel]> t(i illustrate its moral, is yet a 
 fact, having transpired in the old times,) 1 will stoi> ^'^^' -'^ *i^o- 
 ment right where I ain, and call what T have written a Chapter. 
 
 CnAPl^EK II. 
 
 A young mail, a native of Virgim':!. and :\ graduate of the 
 law-school in the Univei*sity of that State, had come to Geoi-- 
 gia for the purpose of seeking a home and practising his j>rofe6- 
 sion. One morning, in the beginning of spring, in company 
 with a middle-aged gentleman, whose ac(]uaintance he had 
 newly made, he rode towards the village ni-ar which the latter 
 resided, for the purpose of being iTitroduced to. some of the mem- 
 bers of the IJar residing there. As thi' two were ridin^^ along, 
 iifter s<jmc conver-sation ui)onthe practice of law and other pur- 
 t;«its in the South, the younger gentleman asked of the elder if 
 there wa« in the South a Court of En-oi-s. 
 
 'I donot remember to have so haird, but 1 pi'c-sumc that 
 you have such a Court.' 
 
 'Yee, indeed,' cxclaimi;d the elder, Mnany a one We have 
 Lo other sort in Georgia. But I know what you mean, sir,' he 
 added, seeing the young man's surprise. '1 answcre<l your 
 question literally, because what I say is very nearly literally 
 true, and it is s^) doubtlcfls because wehave no court for the cor- 
 lection of errors which those we do have continually commit. 
 wlftadmiUed to\h<'~eUfr^'^i-*lf^ although I once studie<l it, and 
 
 --•^'^'ticed. and vet I have 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 41 
 
 aeerj enough to know that, with onr present judiciary system, 
 the law e«n never beeoiuo a science settled upon any ascer- 
 tained principles.' 
 
 'There can be very little doubt as to that." 
 
 'We have no lack of lawyers of real ability, bul 1 doubt it 
 there is in the South aiiotlierSrate so deficient in its judiciary 
 asdurs. We have, as 1 said, many able lawyers, but seldom 
 an able Judge. The salary is so small that a lawyer of first 
 rate ability, unless he be a man of pro})orty, ('and such men,' 
 he added, 'in parenthesis, with a slight touch of dignity which 
 did not esca])e the other, 'rarely enter the professions,') will not 
 go upon the l^eiuih. It is, therefore, generally occupied by men 
 "of inferior learning and ability; and as we nave no Supreme 
 Court, and each is independent in his circuit, there isof com-sc 
 no uniformity in their decisions, but many an error you may be 
 sure. 1 reside hei-e near the boundaries of three circuits. I and 
 my neighbors of two adjoining counties, live under three diffe- 
 rent systems of laws, "lam tolerably posted on that of my 
 own circuit, but I dare not move out of it, as I have known 
 others to do to their sorrow.* Even here, whenever a new 
 judge is elected, we shall have a new system to learn ; for, like 
 every schoohnaster who begins by throwing out of the school- 
 room all the text books which his prcdeces.sor employed, he 
 will fear that he will be considered as nobody unless he over- 
 rules much of what our present judge has decided.' 
 
 'Does not your constitution provide fi)r a Supreme C'ourt ? 
 
 'It does, but, bless you sir, the ]>eople are almost unanimous- 
 ly opposed to its being established. They say that they are 
 already to much worried by Courts to think of making any 
 mure of them. The lawyers too, tlie most of them, are equally 
 opo«,'d to it, because they know — hang them, and who should 
 know bO well as they — that it would lessen litigation by lessen- 
 ing what is to them the glorious uncertainty of the law. A 
 man who would get an office here must not open his mouth in 
 favor of a Supreme Court, lie had as well avow himself a 
 disciple of Alexander Hamilton, or a iViend of the administra- 
 tion of John Adams.' 
 
 They had just reached the public sipuire and alighted, when 
 Mr. Parkinson pointed to a little ofiice ..n thec<irn<M' of it, into 
 which two men were entering. 
 
 'There go two limbs of the law now. We %vill ^o in ;.t once. 
 
42 tirMOKOi S lALK?. 
 
 and leading the waj he walked in and introduced the young 
 man, Mr. Overton, to Mr. feandidifc and Mr. Mobley. 
 
 Mr. Sandidgc, ('Elam Sandidgc. Attorney at Law," Over- 
 ton luid read upon a sliingic ab he entered.) wa.-^ about titty 
 years old; tall, with very long legs, which .-ccrned as if they 
 were ashamed of his rather short body, from the fact that they 
 wonld never hold it straight up. lie had long arms. long 
 hands, and long fingers, which last never loctked clean. He 
 wore bliabhy clothes too, which, if they had l)ecii ever so fine, 
 wonld •yet have iookc<I shabby for a habit he had of chewing 
 tobacco all the time when lie was not eating or asleep, and spit- 
 ting on himself. Yet, for all these drawbacks. Mr. Sandidgo 
 had, as it seemed, an ambition to appeal- perfectly and univer- 
 sally agreeable. Ilis coniitenance, when he looked at another, 
 was invariably clothed in smiles. He never laughed, he only 
 smiled. Wliilc nature had given him no very acute sense of 
 the humorous ; and wliilc, therefore, he never felt like laugh- 
 ing, he had, apparently from a sense of duty, learned to smile, 
 and he smiled at everything. If one said 'good morning' to 
 him, he was sure to smile as he returned the salutation. If 
 one, in answer to an inquiry concerning his health, complained 
 of a headaclic, he smiled the most cordial sympathy. There 
 was no considerable amount of cheer conveyed by his smiles — 
 no more than there was by his shabby coat and- hands; but 
 like these they were a part of him, and one got used to them. 
 But whoever said anything funny where he and others were 
 standing, and no person laughed except Sandidgc .'■•'■ '■'i*^ 
 sure to smile, he felt cut up. 
 
 When Mr. Pjirkinson introduced Mr. C)verton, Mr. baiididge 
 arose and extended his hand with a smile, which seemed to 
 say' 'Ah! you young dog! You have come at last '^ I knew 
 you would.' 
 
 Mr. Mobley was a stout, line looking man, about twenty-three 
 yearsof age, of the middle lieight, with dark complexion, very 
 black hair and whiskers, and a fine mouth, full of large sound 
 teeth oi' perfect whiteness. There was an ease and grace in his 
 manner, and an expressi(»n u])on his face which marked him at 
 once to Mr. Overton as a well educated and talented man. im 
 mediately after the introduction Mr. Sandidge looked at the 
 new comers and then at Mr. Mobley with a smile, M'hich the 
 latter interpreted at once; and after an exchange of a few words 
 of civility, he rose to go. 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 4:.'5 
 
 'No, do not leave, Mr. Mobley," Mr. Parkinson ,iaid. 
 'We have no especial business with Mr. Sandidgc, but came to 
 see you both. So please to remain, unless you have business 
 which calls you away presently.' 
 
 Mr. Sandidge smiles upon Mr. Mobley as he resumed his seat ; 
 and but tliat we knew that he was bound to smile at all events, 
 we should have suspected tluit he was infinitely amused by the 
 idea that Mr. Mobley should have had any business of such 
 pressing importance as to require him to go to it m a hurry. He 
 then turned to Mr. Parkinson and smiled inquiringly, for this 
 was the first time that that gentleman had ever called on him, 
 except upon business. 
 
 'Mr. Overton has removed to Georgia with a view of be- 
 coming located permaiu'ntly somewhere in the State in the 
 practice of the law; and lliave brought him here to make him 
 acquainted with you both, knoving that he could obtain from 
 you more of such information as he needs than he could from 
 myself; besides,' he added, looking at Mr. Mobley, 'I desired to 
 give him an op]x»rtunity of extending liis acquaintance among 
 those with whom he might spend pleasantly such of his leisure 
 as he will have when he is wearied with the dullness of Ches- 
 nut Grove.' 
 
 Mr. Mobley bowed ; Mr. Parkinson rose, and saying, that 
 he would return in an hour, left the office, Mr. Sandidge smiling 
 at him all the while, even at his back as he Avent out. A con- 
 versation was begun at once between the young men, with an 
 occasional but rare contribution from Mr. Sandidge. Tlic lat- 
 ter was no great talker in a social way. It was a wonderful 
 thing to him Iiow many things people could find to say to one 
 another on matters of no lousiness whatever, but only in the way 
 of civility. He could talk forever on business, and in the Court 
 house often made speeches of two hours length. lie under- 
 stood such things mighty well ; but it puzzled him to see two 
 persons sitting down together and talking for hours on jniscel- 
 laneous sulyects, sporting from one to another witli perfect 
 ease, having no api)arent motive except a desire in each to en- 
 tertain the other. Tliere was Mobley now, he would think, 
 a young man, who in the Courthouse was as skittish as a girl, 
 whose practice, though he had fine education and ability, after 
 a year's })ur8uit of it, was biirely supporting him, and yet, as 
 soon as he was out of that dread place, and in the society of ' 
 tlie most intelligent and able of the profession, he would Dear 
 
44 HCUOROCK TAl-K*. 
 
 kiff part in the discussion of general isubji-ctfi, and even .>; legal 
 questiont. witli an oasc and Humk^v whicli made him tin- moet 
 inkTc^iting ol' tliom all, un(i the object of the c*ipt^-ial envy of 
 Mr. Sundidi^o. Bein:: no philc^hophcr, Mr. Sandidgo could not, 
 for the life of liim, mnit.:st:iiitl howtlic.^c tliin<jr.5 eould be ; and 
 it seemed to him to be n tt only strange, but >vTon}2: that Mr. 
 ICobley, whom he "Nvas accustomed to nm over in the Court 
 house, should not only seem to be, Init should actually be 
 above him everywhere else. And yet .-nch things liave been 
 before and since, and are to be hereafter, and have excited the 
 surprise of othci's be.-ides Mr. Sandidgc. How many young 
 men of excelleJit talents and the most finished education, have 
 for a year or two striven in vain to begin successfully careers 
 &t the bar, and have at length shrunk from the pursuit, and 
 left its honore and emoluments to be gathered by the San- 
 •iidges! Tlie Sandidgcjs whom men laughed. at when they saw 
 them enter the profession, and whom tiiey continued to laugh 
 at for half a dozen years, and after half a dozen more years 
 liavc carried them all their cases, and have at last lived to see 
 them rich and prosperous. Mr. Saudidge would not have 
 thought of exchanging ])laee^ with Mr. Mobley, or the fine 
 young fellow who had been just now introduced to him ; but 
 the more they ran(;n with each other a])t»ut law, literature and 
 "what not, the more he wandered at and envied what he thought 
 was their onlv irift. But he smiled whenever anything was 
 said U) him, or he was expected to say ami did say anything to 
 thcni. When Mr. Overton inquired if there was much litigation 
 in that circuit, and if money was to be made by the practice, 
 Mr. Mobley ^lightly blushed, looked at Mr. Sandidge, and an- 
 swered that tlu're was not a great amount of litigation then 
 wrigiuating, and tliat Mr. Sandidge knew more as to what was 
 to be made by the practice than himself. Regaining instantly 
 .liis ease of nuiuner, he laughed good naturedly at himself, who 
 had managed, he said, 'thus far to make money to pay my 
 Woard and store accounts, and not, I think, anything over. 1 
 ^o not, however, despair to do better after a wln'le,' he added, 
 looking composedly upon Mr. Sandidge. 
 
 Mr. Sandidge being thusapjjealed to, and looking as if he 
 felt that that was a subject of v/hich he ought to know some- 
 thing, answered that there v.ere some few lawyers in the circuit 
 who wereniaking a living. Lawwasa mighty hard thing to 
 make a living at. He had been trying it twenty-live years 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 45 
 
 and better, and ought to know how hard it was. There was 
 no business that it was not easiei- to make monejat tlian 
 law. If he had his time to go over again he hardly thonght 
 he would undertake it. Indeed, he knew he would not if lie 
 knew what a young man had to go through with the lirst five 
 or &ix years. Now, Mr. Sandidge had connneneed the prac- 
 tice of the law without a dollar, and with not even a good 
 suit of clothes. But he economized. lie liorrowed money at 
 eight percent, and shaved paper at sixteen and twenty. He 
 went to every Justices' Court in the county ; learned the 
 name of every man in it, got acquainted with every man's busi- 
 ness, hunted up and set agoing litigation, iuitil]iere he was in 
 the possession of at least forty thousand dollars. And though 
 many a man would have shrunk from what Mr. Sandidge had 
 to go through with, yet, Mr. Sandidge told a story whei) he 
 Raid what he did. lie woukl have gone through with it a 
 thousand times over. For next to the money which he had 
 made by the law, he loved thcspyings which it gave opportu- 
 nities to make into the secrets of his neighboi'S, their silent 
 struggles with suifermgs and embarrassments, and he loved yet 
 more the influence which the knowledge thus acquired enabled 
 him to exert over them. But it was not his wont to encourage 
 young lawyers. Nobody encouraged liim, he reflected, and 
 let them encourage themselves. 
 
 'Yes,' he said, 'law is a hard thing to get on with. There's n 
 P9wcr of books to read, wdiich requires a power of money to 
 buy ; and there are so many contrary decisions on the same pints, 
 and the practice and tlie pleadings are so hard to learn, and 
 then a man, a young man, has so often got to speak before the 
 Court, where everybody is watching him, and whcji he don't 
 know sometimes what to say, when a pint is made he did'nt ex- 
 pect, and aint prepared to meet, and he gets embarrassed, and 
 sometimes even has to give up the case, and be non-suited. 
 These things, as I said, and a hea]) of others I might mention, 
 makes law^ a hard businass to follow. But some men do, by 
 hard labor, make a livmg by it, by being economical. They 
 say in Alabama, and down in South-western Georgia, it is 
 easier to get along with it, and that some men even ^malvc for- 
 tunes. Tliere is more litigation there, and not so much compe- 
 tition. But,' he ended, smiling quite encouragingly, 'it may 
 
 WeUVtoi-ecl' tl^o sufe;'l>u"l^mxte^- n '^^ profession' is pretty 
 
 " '^lorner. von know;' 
 
46 HirMOROUS TALfca. 
 
 andhebmilcd almost audibly, and with such satisfaction at this 
 attempt at pleasantry, that Mr. Mohley laughed at it heartily 
 and said : 
 
 'And Sandidge, you know it is some consolation to a fellow who is 
 getting along slowly to know that there arc others who are at no 
 faster pace than himself; for appropos of your proverb i.-^ the one 
 tiiat misery loves company.' 
 
 'Just so,' answered Mr. Sandidge, and at this moment Mr. "Parkin- 
 son returned, and the two took their leave. 
 
 When they were on their way home, Mr. Parkinson asked Over- 
 ton how he liked the specimeyis as he termed his new acquaintances. 
 The latter ans.wered that he was much pleased with the young 
 man. 
 
 And yuu arc not very much pleased with Sandidge, I suppose ? 
 
 'Why, no, I cannot say that I am greatly prepossessed in his 
 favor ; and I guess he returns the compliment, as he discourages my 
 notion to practice law.' 
 
 'He does, docs he ?' said Mr. Parkinson, laughing. "I knew he 
 would ; and though I am much of his opinion in regard to any 
 young man who can do anything else, yet I must say that his exam- 
 ple is encouraging. He very well illustrates how a man uf little 
 talent, and less education, can grow rich and even attain to some 
 eminence at the bar. Sandidge is certainly a queer genius. Twen- 
 five years ago everybody laughed at him — the Judge, the lawyers, 
 the juries, and the people. But Sandidge laughed too in his way, 
 and worked every day and night ; and somehow he got into prac- 
 tice. Tlie Judge and lawyers came at last to respect him, the 
 sheriffs to fear him, and the people to be in awe of him, until now 
 he has made a fortune, has more influence witli the present Judge, 
 and is more succes.sful before juries than any lawyer in the circuit. 
 I knew he would attempt to discourage you. Ue always does. I 
 doubt if it is because he has no feeling, but because it gratifies his 
 vanity to exaggerate those obstacles which he had to overcome, and 
 which nobody thought he" would. And Sandidge, though he looks 
 like a fool, is reallj- a pretty good lawyer. There are men infinitely 
 his superiors, but he is untiringly industrious. He prepares his cases 
 so thoroughly, and hangs to them so doggedly, and studies the peo- 
 ple so constantly, that he is, I repeat it, the most successful prac- 
 titioner I know. He loves the law ; he glories in it, and knows 
 nothing outside of it.' 
 
 But Rfr. Mobley ; ho is certainly a man of real talent and educa- 
 tion. Is he not likely to succeed V 
 
 'Mobley has very superior talent and a most A'ii^'i^i. ^.^HPJi^iRR- 
 He was educated by an ^}^^ Tk'Vis executorVmouey to "enable 
 legiate life, Icavincr ••' "-"^ 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 4T 
 
 him to complete his course, and enter his professioij. Ilis parents 
 both died when he was a child. But Mobley shines everywhere ex- 
 cept in the Court room. There he does not yet seem to be quite at 
 home. I have heard him speak once or twice, and he certainly 
 speaks well. But Sandidge worries him so with the starting of un- 
 expected issues that he is often put to his wit's end. If he could 
 live without the practice, I am inclined to think that, notwithstand- 
 ing his pride, he would abandon it. He will succeed though after 
 a while, I doubt not, if he will persevere. He is a fellow of fine 
 wit, and gores Sandidge badly sometimes when • he can reach him, 
 which is not often the case, with this weapon. But Sandidge only 
 smiles, and almost always gives things a turn v>'hich is sure to give 
 him the best of it at last.' 
 
 'D© you usually have much business in the Courts ?' 
 
 'And if so, which of these men do I employ to attend to it, you 
 would ask. Well,' continued Mr. Parkinson, somewhat apologeti- 
 cally, 'what little I have do in that way, I usually give to Sandidge. 
 I have known him a long time, and he has always seemed to act au 
 honest part towards me. Besides, a man, you know, does not 
 usually like to change the channel of his business.' 
 
 Mr. Par>:iis)n did not have the heart, after what 1^ had said of 
 Mr. Sandidgcs influence with the presiding Judge, to give that as 
 another rea.sou for retaining him. 
 
 The young man said nothing ; but he thought with himself that, 
 hard as it was on a poor fellow like MobTey, it was natural. And 
 is it the less hard because it is natural that the world will delay t< » 
 give help to a man in any business of life until, by long toiling and 
 striving alone, he has at last reached a point where he can live 
 without it ? Yet, such is the way of life. You man with many 
 clients, and many more friends, has there not been a time when 
 nineteen of every twenty of those whom you now value 
 the most highly would have forborne to lend you a h- Ining 
 hand, but would have waited until they had seen whether by the 
 aid of the few who did stand by you, you were likely to rise or to 
 fall ? Let us not then fall out with what is natural in our fellow 
 men, and what our very selves would do, and what we actually do, 
 because it is natural to us. Wo would spare ourselves many an 
 uncomfortable feeling of contempt, for the infirmities of human na- 
 ture as we see them illustrated in the lives of our neighbors, if we 
 wonld but reflect that, what is more often thai) otherwise the case 
 with us, we would act in the aame circuinstancea just as they do. 
 Aflk yourself, ! best of men, how many young men are there in 
 . any profession whom you so cordially wish to prosper in it, that 
 you would be willing to take any ofyour business out of its old tried 
 chMinel — a channel fo freighted with yours and other people's bus- 
 
48 nc>fORor5 tales. 
 
 incfs tkat it would not miss the littJe you take from it — and risk it 
 in tLcir care until thej have proved that the consignment will b« ;» 
 sale one? Or if you sometimes do this, is it not done a little slyly, and 
 do you not feel like apologizing^, and when discovered, do you not 
 actually apologize to the old channel, and tell how trilling was the 
 freight you have taken from it, and how you .supposed it would not 
 care to be pestered with such a small matter? Yes, and the old 
 channel says it makes no difference, and that it is ail right: but 
 then you feel as if it was not all right, and as if you had injured the 
 old channel, and you go to work straightway, ami ship a whole 
 boat load on it at once. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 •Cau't wc get through witli the docket by Friday night ! 
 
 'There's business enough ha.- to occupy the whole week and more 
 too. You'll have to .<;it an adj. urned term lo get through with it.' 
 
 •I shall do no such thin^- : and what is more, I shall adjourn the 
 ( 'ourt Friday night.' 
 
 Mr. Sandidge smiled witii wonted complacency. '1 don't think 
 wo can hardly get to the Appeal before Wednesday dinner ; aud it 
 looks like a pity but what some of them cases that's bt cu continued 
 so long could Ife tried. Wc lawyers ain't like judge.- to gu and 
 draw our salaries every three months, but liave to wait until the 
 cases are dispo-sed of, and sometime.* a long time getting thotn 
 Ihen.' 
 
 This excellent joke put him on u broad grin. The judge did not 
 .seem to appreciate it much, though he smiled in f^iut commenda- 
 tion. He was fifty years old, twenty-five of which had been spent 
 in the practice of the law in which he had risen to a fourth rank. 
 As a set-ofl" to this professional eminence, he had remained as he 
 hud begun, poor in puisc. Tiurc years before this an election was 
 being held for the office r,l judge cf the Superior Court of that cir- 
 cuit. Let us remember that at thattimc the judge ot the Superior 
 (-'ourt was the only higli judicial officer in the circuit. He was botk 
 , judge and chancellor. His discretion was uncontrolled and uncon- 
 trollable in all cases regarding the .security, the property, aud repu- 
 tation of citizens ; and even his construction of the Constitution of 
 ihc State was unalterable by any human power, Three years be- 
 fore, politics hiid taken one of its tnrns, and the party t^. which the 
 iburth-rato lawyer of twcnty-iivc year's practice belonged, unexpect- 
 edly found itself with a small majority in the legislature. The in- 
 cumbent of the Bench, being a member of the minority, was of course 
 to share its fate and retire from office- There were two prominent can- 
 didates from the party in power ; <me a retired member of Congress 
 who was finding it difficult to recover the practice which he had 
 given up fifteen years before, and the other a man" of ten years I'on- 
 
KJMOKOU!? TALKS. 4^ 
 
 Qcction with the profession, of very promigiog talents, and of a gooal 
 propcrtj, who sought the office for the eclat, and the po>Ter which it 
 would confer upon him. Several ballots had been made without an 
 election. Mr. Elam Sandidgc, for certain reasons of his own, had 
 consented to represent his county in the Senate, and was one of the 
 party in minority. A more amused man it way seldom any one's 
 privilege to sec than was he when on the repeated counting out of 
 the votes the presiding- officer announced that there had been no 
 election. He looked to this and to that one on either side of the 
 house, and went about whispering to some and winking- at others. 
 
 'What is that dirty old rascal doing' on our side of the aisle ?''iQ 
 quired a majority member of his neighbor. 
 
 'I can't tell : but some rascality brings liim here* you may swear 
 to that.' " 
 
 "While the votes were being counted out for the fifth time, Mr. 
 Sandidgc walked quickly over to that side. A dozen anxious, piti- 
 ful looking- members gathered around him. 
 'Put him up next ! put him up next time!' he said, and walked back 
 again, taking in with a sweeping winK the whole of his own party. 
 When the result was announced, and directions given to prepare fo'.- 
 another balloting, 'Mr. President, Mr. President,' screamed a voice 
 from the majority side, '1 announce the name ofLittleberry "VV. Mike, 
 
 Esq , from the coxmty of -. This announcement was followed 
 
 by roar.s of laughter from the minority and by hisses, and cries of 
 'who is he ?' from the other. Immediately, however, the leaders of 
 both were busy as bees. Threats and criminations were heard 
 among the friends of the two prominent candidates^ then entreaties 
 from both to the opposition. 'Take him down, for Heaven's sake.' 
 'It is a shame by blood.' 'Don't put him on us, if you please.' 'Any 
 body else,' &c. All |o no purpose. Tiie nominee was elected on 
 the next ballot. 
 
 'Why, how did you get elected, Bcriy ?" slyly askad Mr. San- 
 didge of the judge elect, as on the dispersion of the members he met 
 him, trembling and pale as a corpse, at the foot of the gallery, and 
 shook his cold hand. 'It appears like you must have got some 
 votes from our side of the houst-.' The newly elected pressed the 
 hand of his friend, and they went together to the hotel, on the way 
 to which he was forced to hear from among the crowd many a bittci- 
 jest of which he was tLc subject. 
 
 This election was an instanoe of that miserable policy yet adhered 
 to, by which minorities, in order to render majorities odious, do not 
 hesitate to contribute all they can to make them do the greatest 
 amoimt of harm to public interests. Men may say what they will 
 of caucuses, but until there is a higher standard of public and pri- 
 vate virtue amongst us. they will be indispensable 
 
oO HUMOKOUS TALES. 
 
 Wlien a man of inferior parts is raise'l to ,iu nfficc ofgrt ;i aulUor- 
 ity, lie is apt, unless lie has grr^at virtue, and very ainialil<.' disposi- 
 tions, to exert that authority, as far as Ip compatible with safety, in 
 enforcing a regard which those parts have ben inadeijuate to se- 
 cure. Cowardly as this is, it is not more in jurious to truth, and jus- 
 tice, and reason, than when such a man i.s led by such an elevation 
 to look upon himself as having been heretofore depreciated, and to 
 consider the elevation, whatever were the circumstances which af- 
 fected it, as the decree of infinite justice in his favor, determining at 
 last to give merit its just reward. Sometimes he is in one, and some- 
 times in the other of these two states alternately ; never being able 
 to determine exactly whether he ought to occupy his position or 
 not, but ever attempting t'> resolve the doubt b^ such a vigorous 
 exercise of authority as wiil at least foreclose all doubts in tho minds 
 of others as to his actual possession of it. Of such a character was 
 the newly el cct:?d judge. He had long had his heart set upon tho 
 bench. lie louked up to it as a mighty eminence — mighty enough 
 to satisfy the most eager ambition. Yet his desires were not ac- 
 tuated wholly by ambition. He wanted the salary. He needed it. 
 He was poor and had a family ; and pitiful as tho salary was, it vraa 
 twice as mach as ho made by his practice. Ashamed as he was to 
 know how the people regarded the notion of his being Judge of the 
 Superior Court, he mover, even for one moment, gave up his desire 
 to become ."^o, but kept himself alv^ ays, yet in a quiet way, in candi- 
 dacy for it. And though to the leading members of the bar he had 
 never presumed to speak of the matter, knowing that he would bo 
 laughed at if he did, they yet well knew wl)at his thoughts and 
 his hoi)es were. Nor had he publicly announced his candidacy at 
 the meeting of the Legislature. He knew well that his only chance 
 of election dej>endcd upo:i the fact, whether true or false, it made no 
 material diflerciici' with liim, that he was considered the weakest and 
 shabbiest of the candiilatcs of his party. While the prominent ones 
 of these were making interest with the leaders of the party in the 
 Legisl^tnre, he hail quietly, an<l in a way known only to himself and 
 them, and very probably to Mr. Sandidg(>, obtained the promise of 
 assistance from a few unknown members who should be able, by 
 scattering, their votes under the direction of him and Mr. Sandidge, 
 to defeat the election of any one until a suitable opportunity should 
 occur for the name to be presented. Wc have seen with what re- 
 sult this was done. 
 
 With the recollection of all the circumstances, Judge Mike 
 thanked two objects for his elevation : first, his own lucky genius, 
 and secondly, Mr. .Sandidge. IJe was, doubtless, quite inclined to 
 indulge in kindly and grateful feeling towards the latter from habit ; 
 for he was under a pecuniary indebtedness to him of several hun- 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 51 
 
 ♦lied dollars imdcr a writ of fieri facia« which Mr. Saadidgc, fchrco 
 • i- four years before, had been kind enough to 'lift,' to have trans- 
 lerrcd to himself, and to forbear enforcing payment thereof in con- 
 sideration of sixteen, which he called a living per centum of inte- 
 rest. What sacrifices tlic indulgent creditor was always making, 
 when at every renewal of the note for the extra interest, he solemn- 
 ly avowed hia need of the money, and of his subm ssi n to go with 
 out it for no earthly reason than to oblige his friends ! On that 
 friend's accession to the Bench, wlicn first they wero alone together, 
 he took the last note of renewal from his pocket book, and handed 
 it to him without saying a word. The judge, appearing surprised, 
 Mr. Sandidgc, with smiling solemnity, protested that he never could 
 exact usurious interest from a Judge of the Superior Court of the 
 State of Georgia. He hoped he had too much respect for the digni- 
 ty of the office to do any such thing as that. The judge, after fee- 
 ble remonstration, took the note, looked at it, sighed, and tearing it 
 slowly to pieces, felt already one of those palpitating and almost 
 painful joys which only men in office have. It was a small matter, 
 but it touched him, for his means were small, and ho felt as if hencc- 
 lorth he could live. 
 
 l>ut to return to the conversation with wiiicli this chapter began, 
 :ind which took place in the judge's room at the hotel, on the Sunday 
 night before the sitting of the court. 
 
 'How does that smart chap Moblcy get on ';" 
 
 'About like he was.' 
 
 'Knowing everything but law, I suppose, and knowing nothing 
 1 bout that?' 
 
 Must so. The follow studies like rip , but judge, he don't 
 study right. He studies books instead of men.' 
 
 Mr. Sandidgc delivered this sentiment with contemptuous pity. 
 
 'He thinks if we had a Supremo Court In would do something 
 grand.' 
 
 'lie's ff)r a Supreme Court, is ho?' incjuiivMl the Judge, with a 
 frown. • 
 
 'Warm, warm, lias boon tiom llio lirst.' 
 
02 HnffOKOrS TALES. 
 
 'It TTi!) bo some : mo before ho pora it I'm thinking/ 
 
 'ThM's wlinti tell hJra.l 
 
 'Tliank God, it's only those book men tliat want a Supreme 
 C Hit. They don't know, Sandidgc, they don't know anything out- 
 c Ja of books.' 
 
 'Not the first thing. That's what I tell 'cm.' 
 
 'Th.ey think that bccniiac such a pint has been decided such a 
 way, by sv.ch a jndg-o, that it phould be decided so always ; und 
 tlicy are forever and eternally talking about i;ettling tho law, eel* 
 tiiiig the law — ^likc it was, Sandidgr; — ^just like it was so much cof- 
 fee-.' • 
 
 ^fr. Sindfdge spat all orcr himself, wiped his mouth with his hand, 
 and camo very near laughing outright. 
 
 'And I would like to know how, in the name of coaotnon cenBe, 
 it over could get settled. There aint any thing to settle it by. 
 That's tho pint ; there aint any thing to settle it by.' He looked 
 cnqniripf'''^ ^t ^Tr. Sandidge, and .'•cemcd to wish that gentleman to 
 te'.l what there was tu settle it by u' ho know of any such thing. 
 Tiie latter Kl»Of)k his head. 
 
 'Xo sir! there aiot nothing to .settle it by- and whon Mobley is 
 t.-vlkhig about what Lord Mansfield said, and what Lord Hiirdwick 
 B.-i'd, or any of them old lords -.lud judges, it's on the end of my 
 tongur> to stop him, and tell him that they are all dead, and conse- 
 quently can't know, any thing about t'lio case at bar. And, San- 
 d;d;.^o," it always struck mo hi very euiijus tliat the law-- of Eng- 
 land iji'.ould be the laWa ofGeorgi. 
 
 It was a remarkable coincidciue tiiat tliat idea had over and 
 over ngaia struck Mr. Saudidgo. He, however, hinted, that in 
 some case.s, (and tho.se were cases in his opinion when tho authoi^ty 
 happened to bo on his own side,) where the English law wos very 
 p'o'nand directly in point, .indit ought to be followed.' 
 
 'Certainly, certainly, in such cases : and I do follow it ; but 1 
 :n tho judge of that myself ' 
 
 'Ah ! yes — that was right ! Now they were exactly agreed 
 The judge, if he wa.s judge, of course, ought to be tho jitdge. If he 
 
HUMOEOTTS TALES. 53 
 
 wasn't, of course, he couldn't be, which was absurd ;' and Mr. San ' 
 didge almost frowned in the effort of elaborating this reductio ad. 
 absurdum. 
 
 'Absurd — so I think ; and Mobley and such as ho may study their eyes out 
 for mc. When they T3ring up law that I think is right, I shall sustain them; 
 when I don't think so 1 shall overrule them. They may get their Supremo 
 Court if they can. It aint going to be in my day, thank God. If it was, I 
 just know that 1 couldn't and wotildn't sta|nd it. Before I would have an 
 overseer over me, and I judge of the Superior Court, and have to be etcnfally 
 looking inti:> old books to ifind out what them old English lords and judges 
 said a huiidrod years ago, when the country wasn't like this, nor tlie people 
 neither — why Sandidge you know I havn't got the books, and couldn't afford 
 to buy them — I say before I would be put to all the trouble and expense of " 
 reading law and nothing else, and then have my decisions brought back on mo, 
 and treated like I was — like I was in fact a nigger — I would die first.' 
 
 Mr. Sandidge smiled approvingly. 
 
 'Why, who would respect me ?' 
 
 'Nobody.' 
 
 'How could I enforce the authority of the Court ?' 
 
 'Couldn't be done.' 
 
 'If I put a fellow in jail just Mk) as not they would taka him out. ' 
 
 'Like as not.' 
 
 'If I fined one, ten to one it wouldn't stiok.' 
 
 'Just 80. He wouldn't stay found.' 
 
 'If I refused to grant a new trial, knowing that I am against tliem, they 
 would send a paper ordering me to grant it. Don't you see they would 
 knowing I am against 'em ?' 
 
 'Plain as day. Send a paper ordei ing the Judge of the Superior Cjuit 1' 
 
 'I tell you, Sandidge, before I would stand it, I would die firat. In fact, I 
 
 would BESIQX ! I' i 
 
 This was capping the climax. Dying would be a poor and very inade- 
 quate resentment. He would go beyond that. He would voluutiU-i'.y and 
 disgustedly let go his hold upon power. The conscquonceiS might bo ^^■b.^t 
 they pleased, he would resign. 'I tell j'ou, Sandidge,' he vcjicatcd once ir.orc, 
 with fearful empha.sis, 'I should bksigk !!' 
 
 Mr. Sandidge, although purposing to appear alarmed, s.... ^ ■- - '■' 
 
 standing ; and perhaps the moro because he thought such a <leplorablo evcM, 
 not very likely to come to pas.j; and pcrh.ips yet more, because it instant, y 
 ocaarrod to him that if it ever should, ho wjuld consolo hiaiielf in ths luiilsi 
 
5^ \: nOEtFS TALES. 
 
 m , 
 
 of hiji OWH luht^-ft jiiiu _ri< I ;j. \ . .< hr; could by i' i>i uini; the c.Mia iiiui' -t 
 iilK)n the Fi FA not yet paid ol; ....d disch;irgcd. 
 
 'AjuI what will yon leading lawyers do when youuu men, smart young nii n 
 like Mobleyj-jo before tlir Sin,r.>!iv (' .ml witli 1" •^. i ■. tlieir h.inils nnd (nin 
 you down ?' 
 
 'I shan't livelu »(.■(,■ u, aiMi u u.i.> ci'Miiiiii, -a the jiin.-pcci <>i :i Mr tiislaiii 
 organization of such a tribiuial, rather than of his own early decease, which 
 gave the gratified and complacent expression to that bniiliug couutcnanc*. 
 
 CIIAPTEll IV. 
 
 Overton attended the Court, and obtained, by the assistance of Mr. Moblcy, 
 u seat within thi bar. lie had been introduced to several lawyers from dif- 
 ferent counties witliiji the cirtniit. and to the judge. On his introduction to 
 the latter, he remarked a ccrtaui ungainly attempt at a congratulation on his 
 expected accession to the profos.sion, which was anything else but cordial. 
 .Mobley had spoken of him to the other lawyers, in the judge's hearing, as a 
 young man of education and genius, when Mr. Sandidge, who was sitting by 
 him at the time, whispered that tliat was the sort of ukmi who were always 
 talking about a Supreme Court. After this, Uis Honor took no further no- 
 tice of him. During the week, he noticed what was new to him, how much 
 of an art it was to conciliate and to control the Court. It was evident that 
 Mr. Sandidge was the favorite. Every body knew that. Mr. Sandidge him- 
 self, who had long foreseen and fore-ordained it. Of all positions in a free 
 government, where favoritism is worth having, it was that of a favorite cir- 
 cuit judge of Georgia in the old times. \Vlien the fortunes of men, their secu- 
 rity, and sometimes even their lives were dependant uj)on the will of an indi- 
 vidual, and that individu.il amenable to no e.;irthly tribunal for whatev<'r 
 errors he might conunit, or even for his wickedness, except upon princij>le!' 
 the most vague and uncertain, it wa« an art ranking as high as the pcienc(! o' 
 1 lie law itself, and attainable by graaler cost and sacrifice, to obtaui an easy 
 and successful access to the vat of that most important depositary of 
 power. They were the fortunate accidents of our ancient judiciary .«;ystom, 
 that tlicre Wiis a goodly number of virtuous ami talented men upon llie bench ; 
 for neither virtue iior any very considerable amoimt of talent were e,sscntial 
 qualifications. If the occupant for the time being possessed tlioin, very well. 
 If not, then not so well, yet well enough. 
 
 The present occupant, we have seen, had no uncommon taleirts. In vir- 
 tue, he was neither j;ood nor bad. At leaat, ho was ineapablo of brilxiry. If 
 he was below Ihf «ap:u ilv I -fei'I I'M., nnder^tand ;i noble impl'lse, liewa' 
 
HUMOKOL^. TALK!?. S^/ 
 
 .th<)\fc tliat of pi'ipctratinp; ;m act of plain clislj(juc.sty. In lalcnt atid-in viv- • 
 t uc, bo miglit bo said to have dccnpied a middle state between high and low, 
 I Hit tending downwards. Fuitnnatcly for some, inifortnnatcly for others,, he 
 was not brave. Now, of all oflicial personages, cowards are the most trouble- 
 sdracand oppress! re. They arc troublesome to those of whom they arc 
 afraid, and oppressive to those who are afraid of them; troublesome to the 
 fiirmcr by inflicting petty annoyances, in the use of small advantages, and 
 the punishment of unimportant lapses in remembrances, and in resentment of 
 (he pain they feel on account of such persons; oppressive to the latter in or- 
 licr to preserve the equilibrium between the feeling and the excitement of fear 
 Tliis quality is not peculiar to oflicial nureven to human cowards. Instance 
 canine. I once saw in the city of Millodgcville, one cur badly bitten and con- 
 cpicrcd in single combat with anothc ■. Inuuediately afterwards, as with his 
 talc shrunk between his hind legs, ho n\.. i making for home with what speed 
 lio c<:)uld employ, ho spicil one of those <logs commonly denominated amongst 
 ns as ficc, wlicreupon his tail at onceoanio out to its natural suspension; he 
 rushed upon the little animal, and without any known justifiable cause, mid. 
 even without any previous acquaintance with liini, caught him by the throat 
 and .shook him until he was beaten off with rods. After he had gotten out of 
 the reach of these, he went on his way leisurely, apparently satisfied tliat he 
 was agiCin even with the world. 
 
 Mr. Sandidge was the fiivorito. The judge liked him nut only for past fa- 
 vors of the kind wc knew of, but for another reason, lie thought Mr. San- 
 didge a man hkc himself and about his cpinlity; and, therefore, he liked to 
 ill) honor to himself as it were in honoring his image. Mr. Sandidge made no 
 L^rcat pretension to a knowledge of books, and he thanked him for that. He 
 never even hinted aboiit a Supreme Court, but seemed to be, as in fact he 
 was, satislicd with the way of the present admin istratiou of justice. Such 
 liring the relations Ijctwecn them, Mr. Sandidge was lucky in getting rulings 
 in his favor. lie was in fact a much better lawyer than the judge, and 
 shrcwcd enough to beguile him of many a wrong decision, even had he been 
 different to him. 
 
 But, notwithstanding this favoritism, there were two or three lawyers ol 
 real ability who, in spite of their contempt of him and lii.s dislike of them, ex- 
 ercised over him that influence which a strong and bold intellect will always 
 exert over a weak and timid one. Above flattering him, they often, and even 
 against Mr. Sandidge, obtained rulings of doubtful right, when ho was un- 
 able, out of his dread of their unconcealed conteniiit, to resist them. But to 
 ♦compensate Mr. Sandidge for such a.s tliis, and to preserve Gis own regard for 
 
50 nTMonora tale*. 
 
 himself, be «Ag«rly tongbt for opportunitief to help him in taking adrantage 
 
 of'"" \dinfs Rnd in pr.,of; ovtrsighla which Mr. Sandidge him- 
 
 ?^.. - - -I. The latter wiis, in additioQ, graciously allowed to dom- 
 
 ioeer to any extent over the younger lawyors. They stood in great awe of the 
 beach. They could neither en' ' 'w-hoat. Even a respectful rcmon- 
 
 8tr.-.nce from tV^,-, was u?n . d by n fim.ur a threatof it. Tliey, 
 
 liicrcforo, tin.' . s.s in the Court, hoping for the com- 
 
 i-iT-Z ofthc dny .,,.,.. '.r^'W-beaters of Saudidgcs. 
 
 Like most i>iuall-miDdod men ^Oio go upon the bench, this judge set him- 
 se'f up for ft prjat reformer of abu.-. He was a terror to evil doers ; eape- 
 ci.illy to tho.se who did it on a sin.i!! .s'^alc. Whenever he got a chance he was 
 woQt tostick the law on tothcm (t» uae his own phrase) up to the very hilt. 
 Then: were two vices in particular which ho hated cordially. They were 
 fighting and usury. Whenever l:.- could get a blow at either of thcfic. he 
 struck it with all his official mi'^'l.t. Mr. Sandidge well knew his weakness 
 on the subject of usury, aud 3uaiia;,'eil so 'as to have uo cases of his own, Im 
 confined his financial operations (•< shaving paper. And yet he wa.s lucky 
 enough to make rnorc out of usuric>usi transactions than ho was accustomed 
 to when he loaned out his own inoDoy. Fur now the pleadiug of usury had be- 
 come common, and there was ny lawyer who could compare with him iii fer- 
 reting testimony to establish its proof. 
 
 Of the younger lawyers. Mt. Moblcy wiu» an exception so far as to the 
 standing in any awe of the judge. He wa.s usually very much cmbarra."««d in 
 the man:Agcmcnt of his casci-, because ofhia apprehension of being cast by the 
 starting of some unforeseen difficulty, as was often the case from the want of 
 faniiliarity with precedents and fnim . Iloro was Mr. fiandidge's forte. He 
 ur.ilcrstood pleading and the ni'' ""practice thoroughly, aud it wus his de- 
 li{;"it to pick flaws in hisailvc rg, and drive him uut of court. Mr. 
 
 M'jbley was afraid of him cu t Is, and well ho might be; but other- 
 
 wis3 he was iiwenaible to fear. ; 'le were generally iu great ueed of the 
 
 court. Hoi'c was whel^ he ci I >r :it hix ploasuro. Tbey should feel 
 
 li I power. All abionccs of .. ad jurors, all noises in the court room 
 
 and C;'urt yard, all misdemeanors vi all -sorts, met with ready aud couiiigii 
 ptm'shincnt: always the more condicrii wheu their convictions came en shortly 
 nft?r a series of browbeatings from those wliom he could not frighten. One 
 morr.inB4i"''n;rlhe progress of a trial iu which his patience had beoi. sorely tried 
 a man in the crowd near the bar having a cold blew his nose — an action 
 natural and ncceesary to the preservation of whatever aiyouut of comfort Is 
 couiistent with thr.t ailment. The ".'■*" •" ♦i'- instance v.- as accompanied by 
 
HrMOEOTIS TALES. 67 
 
 the usual loudnesss of sound produced by those who hrve uncommonly goo J 
 lungs. 
 
 'Mr. Sheriff bring that nosc-blowcr within the bar.' 
 
 The culprit was brought in. 
 
 'Is this court a stable, sir, that j-ou must bray in it like a jackass ?' 
 
 The unhappy man answered the question respectfully and caudidiy in th3 
 Qegative. 
 
 'What do you bray in.it. for then, sir 
 
 'I did'nt br — . I did'nt know I Ava^ ii brayin in it jedgc. i only blo\rcd 
 my nose, liavin of a bad cold.' 
 
 'What are yon doing here any way, srr ?' 
 
 'I jest come to court, sir.' 
 
 'Got any business here ?' 
 
 'No, sir.' 
 
 'What did you come for, then?' 
 
 'Why. I thought, jpdge, that everybody was liable to come to court.' 
 
 'Liable, liable! yes, and so are they liable to behave themselves; and if 
 ;hey don't, they are liable to be fined. What is your name, sir ?' 
 
 'AHen Thigpen, sir.' 
 
 'Thigpen, Thigpen I I might have known that any body by that name 
 could'nt tell a court room from a stable. Mr. Thigpen you are fined in 
 the sum of two dollars.' 
 
 Mr. Thigpen ran his hand into his pocket, and drawing out a dirty buckskin 
 purse, emptied it, and counting the pieces with a.rueful face, walked up two 
 or three of the steps, and extending his hand to the jedge. Dollar onc-nnd- 
 nine is the highth of what I could raise if I was going to be hung.' , 
 
 Now, whether from looking upwards at so resplendent a luiniuary as tho 
 judge, or from the violence of his cold, wc could not say; but, as His Honcr 
 was gazing upon tlie extended hand in ludicitius surprise and wrath, Mr. 
 Thigjien felt a suddcji impulse to sneeze — an irapuli^e which, v,-he^iever it 
 comes, in court rooms or elsewhere, must be obeyed. He made herculean 
 efforts to suppress it; but as is usual m such cases, its victory was but, tho 
 more triumphant ami violent. In bis terror, and endeavoring to aisauro tho 
 judgf; that he was doing his best, he could not avert his eyes from him. His 
 fac^ assumed the agonized contortions of.a maniac; his great chest iieaved like 
 a mountain in labor, and he uttered a shriek whicii, in jvny circumstances but 
 t^ose which showed that nothing serious or uncommoA was the matter, would- 
 have filled all within a circle of two bundled yur^ls diameter witli consternation- 
 In the violence of the paroxysm, the coin flew ujf from his hand as if they ha.l 
 
58 MrMORoirs talep. 
 
 Iioen tiischargod from a catax^ult, ;ind coming down, some of thcui foil upon 
 the judge's head and rolled into his lap. An instiutauoous burst of laughter 
 followed this cxplosiou, which, however, was as instantly bushed. No wonL- 
 can depict tlie expressions ujwn the faces of the two prominent actors. Tin 
 jud^e had been, as it were lifted <>nt of his chair, and there the two sl<H»f1 
 glaring upon each other. sj>eechk>s. Each soenioil to feel that Ihi.s was ii" 
 time for talking — that words were inadequate to do ju.sticc to the occasion. 
 His Honor snatchetl np the docket with the evident intention of knocking Mr 
 'riiig]>cn down, whether iu .self-defence, or in vindication of the outraged di;;- 
 nity of thec<jurt, it was impossible to tell. Mr. Tbigpen looked at it Ih.-.'^ci rh 
 ingly — rw much as to say, kntjck me down with it and welcome, but pici ■ 
 don't hang inc. There they stood fbr a quarter of a minute: then tin 
 judge, feeling doubtles.s that neither the i>enal cotle nor the court's diseretiim 
 were adequati' to puuLsh the outrage as it deserved, said almost iu a wbispri , 
 a.s the offender stood with his face uutortetl and tniwiixnl : 
 
 'For God's .sake be oil" from licio, you cussed fool, and nc\n lit im- :ii miu 
 again iu this world.' 
 
 Jle made no uuncccisary delay. When ho had gotten fairly without, hear- 
 ing of the court, a crowd which b;iil followed him wen- v -M-i"' ;ii.>nnLl liini 
 with laughter. 
 
 'How did you feel, Allen?' askal one. 
 
 'Feel I I did'ut have no foclius. They wa.s all scm..! niii i.' ni.- ' 
 
 'But what did you carry him the money for ?' 
 I Carry him the money? Wasn't that right'/ lie tuuuil n)*' 
 
 They whooped. 
 
 'I thought the money wns his'n. I 'lowed that was the way begot his 
 livin.' 
 
 'Gentl(!men !' he resunicil, wk'u llie crov.d had recovered from the effect ul 
 this last remark, 'geutlenn'ii, there'.s two tilings in this country that I'm :igin. 
 They are scIkwIs and court rooms. When 1 weiv standing thar jist now, if 
 the fcelins ha<l not l)een skecrotl out o' me, and I had had my jedgment about 
 me, I should a felt like little Ana. Boatright used to feel when Iserl M(!adow.s 
 told bini to go to borsin ; and I bad hoped never to have them feelins enduring 
 my nat'nd life, bec;iu.se I bad the conceptions Iwrn Asa's looks of what they 
 must be. Gentlemen, I never Hped a man Ix^fore that I was ufeerd of; i 
 thought everybody was liablq to come to court. Gentlemen, 1 1 cotoos uo 
 more without I'm fotcbt. Wlien I sneezed — and I couldn't ba' helped it, if 
 the gallis bad been right liefure ifte— when I snivzed, .siys I to myself, gone; 
 when, ding my skui, < f 1 don't believe that's what .saTcd inc. Gentleimij I 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 59 
 
 goes home ;' and as they laughed aud shouteil, Mr. Thigpcn left. Many and 
 many times aftei- that, even down to old age, he was heard to say that he had 
 'never seed but one man that he was afeerd of, and that was the jedgc — old 
 Jedgo Mike, as used to bo.' 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 'Strain against Ricklcs!' 
 
 It was now Friday morning. Tiic Judge was weary with the session, and 
 fretful from repeated wranglings with several leading attorney.s. These had 
 all gone, the important cases having been tried or cdutinucd. The (Jonrt bad 
 announced its detcrmuiation to adjourn that aflernooii, whether the docket 
 should be finished or not. It had not Seen its family in two weeks, aud it 
 must aud would see its family by to-morrow night. Juries and by-standers 
 were quiet as mice. Mr. Sanditlgo w^as in the enjoyment of mild happiness, 
 not only from the remembrance of having had a good run of luck during the 
 week, but bccau.se the Judge was umv in a hurry, and the Sase of Strain 
 against Rickles was yet untried. He wished it continued, for he was of ctjun- 
 sol for defendant, and their plea was doubtful. 
 
 ^Strain v.s. Rickles,' announced the Court, rapidly and fretfully, with pen in 
 hand, as if to hint that it was expcctttl to follow tho fate of the half-dozen 
 preceding casc^, and be disposed of summarily. 
 'Heady for the plaintiff,' annoimced Mr. Mobley. 
 
 The Judge dropped liis pen, leancil back in his chair, Jind cast a lln-eatening 
 look at the counsel. Mr. Sandidge merely remarked that that was a case in 
 which .some pints of law were involved, and as the Coiu't was anxinus to ad- 
 journ -and to go homo aud see its family, he suggeste<l that if the counsel was 
 willing it might be continued generally. Mr. Moblcy objecting to this dispo- 
 sition, he, after having a witness called, and receiving no answer, proceeded to 
 make a showing for a continuance by tlie defendant. This was the absence of 
 a witness who, as he hatl been infornKtd, had said tluit he knew all about tho 
 case from beginning to end. It was in vain that Mr. Mobley urged the in- 
 sulTicieucy of the showing for its indefinitenesR, and the right of the opposing 
 counsel to send forthfi witness who lived in the village, and who, as his client 
 infiirnied him, was then .m the street and within hearing of tho sheriff's call, 
 lit! mentioned thi.s fact aud that his client had just passed him in llie street 
 and heard him aay when he w.xs callcHl, 'It is Samlidg''. 1 know wliat hr 
 wants ; he don't want me.' 
 
 'If the counsel or the court desires tlie prescn(*e of tiie witness, he can Im^ 
 procured in le^s than five minute; by seodiug th'e sheriff for him. Do 1 un- 
 
60 ETMoaoTa tjllss. 
 
 deratand that this court will contin'ic a case aad delay ihe rights of creditor! 
 wLeu it is assured that a witnow who refuses to r.tiond it^ summons is ^vithin 
 bearing of its officer's call — a witness whoso acquannance with the ficts thero 
 i& only a hcresay and that the most indefinite — a witness who, to appearaucea, 
 is alsent by the procurement, if not of the party rvt least of his counsel ?' 
 
 The Judge hesitated, ilr. SandiJge sceiug the CiTect upon both of them of 
 an exposure of. what was the fact, his instructions to the witness, not to obey 
 the call, ^^tlidrew hi* motion. 
 
 T do this, may it please ^'our Honor, not from anything my brother Mobley 
 has said in argument, or f:ir his insinuations about procurements and such 
 like. The showing ia a sufficient one ; but I'll waive it — I'll waive it, sir, and 
 I think I'm prepared — I say, I think I'm prepared (noticing the judge's dis- 
 satisfaction at the direction tl:e matter was taking.) to end this matter very 
 summarily. The defendant is lendy.' 
 
 A jury W.1S impannelled, and Mr. Mobley proceeded with the case. It vna 
 a Limple action upon a promissory note given by defendant to plaintifif, who 
 was a merchant from Augusta. lie read the declaration, exhibited the nots 
 and closed. 
 
 Mr. Sandidgo rose, and remarking that this was a case which he apprehcndod 
 would not long occupy the time of the court and the time of the county, an- 
 nounced* to Mr. Mobley, that upon consulting his chent, ho had just asocr- 
 tained that the consideration of the note sued on was usurious, and that his 
 oonclusion being to rely on that defense solely, he should have to ask time of 
 the court in or<ler to make out the p!c:i. imless counsel would ngrco to consider 
 it in already. 
 
 Mr. Mobley, turning to liis client, y/ho assured him that it waa not true, 
 illowed Mr. Sandidj^'c to proceed. 
 
 A witness, the same who liiad been called, aud whom Mr. Sandidge pnvato- 
 {y scut fo.-, wrml to th-; jstunJ. Alter the usual preliminary that he d-d not 
 particularly c'.iar?- ;.;:. mind with whn* h" heard aud saw, not expecting to 
 be called on, ho did remember that tb«? parties said s-omothing about the nota 
 being in renewal of accounts, somo of which plaintifl' himself had against de- 
 fendant, and others of which he had traded to him; that he heard plaintiff tell 
 defendant that if ho would give hi.s note for (hem, adding in the interest, ho 
 would indulge hi.-n a year on its pnyment ; that the defendant having ngi-eed 
 to the proposition, gave his noto^ payable at twelve months. In answer to a 
 question from Mr. Mobley whether anything w.is said about extra interest, ha 
 did not recollect aa to that: didn't particularly charge his mind, not ex- 
 pecting to bo called on. Mr. Sandidge offered in evidenoo the accounts witk 
 
wmasouB talss. 61 
 
 legal interest computed in, acknowledging payment by note and bearing erven 
 date with it. Then casting a triumphant smile at every body, lie sat dovni. 
 
 Mr. Mobley looked at the judge with an expression which seemed to say : 
 'Surely, no fool, not even you, would admit such testimony.' The judge looked 
 at him, and his countenance seemed to ask, 'What do you say to that, Mr. 
 Mobley?' Mr. Mobley avowed his belief that ia all judicial history, a thing 
 so absurd had never before been proposed, and he moved that the whole evi- 
 dence be escludcd, and he be allowed to take a verdict. Being called on for 
 bis reasons : 'Because,' said he, contemptuously, 'it does not support the ple«. 
 You have pleaded usury, and you have proved that the contract is not 
 Qfiurious.' 
 
 Mr. Sandidge said that he might be mistaken ; that he said he might bs 
 mistaken, but that he had never heard — he had now been practicing law 
 twenty-five years and better — but that to the best of his recollection, he had 
 never seen nor heard of a case where interr^ . was collected, or could bfl ooUeot- 
 •d on open accounts,>on accounts that weru not liquidated. 
 
 'Who gainsays that ?' Mr. Mobley interposed. 
 
 'The ccuD&el will please allow mu to proceed, knowing as Lc dvcs, his right 
 to reply. 1 said, may it please your Honor, that in my recollection, in a 
 practice now of twenty-five years and better, I had never seen nor heard of a 
 case where interest was collected or could be collected on open accounts— on 
 accounts that Avere not liquidated. That thing is for the first time in my 
 practice, sought to be enforced upon a court and upon a country. The plain- 
 tiff in this case — and these Augusty merchants ' 
 
 'Go on to the jury,' ordered the judge. 
 
 Mr. Sandid;;o owed and turned to the jury. 
 
 'These Augut merchants, gentlemen of the jury,' 'easily resuming th« 
 thread of his ar;, .Jicnt, 'these Augusty merchants, as a general thing, always 
 kLOW what th' V are about. T s«y always— not a single exception ;' and be 
 bestowed on Iht olaintiS a look fully significant of his adresieaion that he was 
 entitled to hia si re of the enconwum pronourced upon tbe class of which be 
 was an individaai. 'These Augnsty merchants know more in an hour than wp 
 plain country peo le do In a wc-ek. And it is r^nsonub!?* to suppd^e that tbpv 
 do ; oad 'tis bicausj ibey arc Augu-ty merchants ; for what cbiuce have we 
 here Iq the country got to know aa.cnuch as they knew? We don't sfH' lh»' 
 (.team boats, and "he power cf the wagons, and th" thousands of cotton bntr-"- 
 an^ the fine brick ware honaei.jind ihc hardware stores and the other stores iu.^t 
 •Iwaya keep lull of one particular kind of goods. If Tommy Rickles was to g^s to 
 Axi^ty, and was to wast tc buy a dog*knife for bialittJe boy, he would just m apt 
 
62 ntTM«TiO¥S TALIS. 
 
 to goto a store which had nothing iu it but calico and dry goods, and falfer of them 
 than all the stores in this town ; an J when they langlicd and told hini they 
 were just out of that article, he might go to a hat store, and then into a shoe 
 store, and then into a candy store — into a store whore the shelves was literally 
 blinded with jars of candy, and nothing but candy ; and so it might be un hour 
 iieforc he got to a hardware stoic and (bund a dog-knife lor his littl'.' boy , and 
 tlien ten to one, he couldn't find his way back to \m wagon. I say we don't 
 know any thing to compare with these Augusty merchants. Bat still there are 
 some few things that we do know if w6 do live here in the country where there 
 aint any steam boats, and hat stores, and candy stores, and hardware stores ; 
 and one of them is that you ce-ant collect interest on open accounts." 
 
 That settled it Mr. Sandidgc seemed to think ; ani several of the jury 
 tlnugli evidently no't yet very clear, inclined to thiuk so too. 
 
 'We all know that,' continued Mr. Sandidgc — 'that i.-, all except 'i'oujmy 
 Ilicklt^s.' ((.Jeneral Im*- "• v the jury seeing the matter a little more clearly 
 c.;,» cially as 'J'ommy looked so innocent and pitiful.) 
 
 'And, gentlenjen, Tommy knowed it too, if he had thought about il, and 
 had'n^t been with a Augusty merchant ; and had'nt been tliiidving of the steam- 
 boats, and the power of the wagons, and the hat stores, and the shoe stores, and 
 the hardware stores, and got his senses all confused up together.' (Continued 
 laughter, a majority of the jury boing fully satisfied.) 
 
 The judge waxing stern at the disorder, Mr. Sandidge had to moderate his 
 humor, and eon«luded by arguing heatedly and seriously as he Could, and even 
 somewhat pathetically that interest not being collectible on open accoants, this 
 plain principle vitiated the whole transaction and made it usurious. With 
 another avowal of hi** desire not to take up the time of the court and the time 
 of the country by arguing so plain a case, he .^ut down, iiis eountenauce ex- 
 prcssii'.g both a virtuous indignation at a great wrong which was attempted, 
 and a proud satisfaction that it could not be done ovir his shoulders. 
 
 Mr. Mobley felt that, with the prejudices of the judge against himself and 
 especially against usury, and the cunning Mr. Sandidge, he was in groat danger 
 of losing his case. lie spoke with great energy on the absurdity of the defend- 
 ant's plea. Iu the midst of his argument, Mr. Sandidge asked him for his au- 
 thorities. Tnis was done to embarrass him and throw him oil" his guard, as he 
 would have had to admit that there wns nc autliority in point ; but he had 
 now gotten too high to be reached by M.\ Sandidge. 
 
 ♦I am asked,' he said, 'for the production of authority that the giving of a 
 note in liquidation of a just debt is not usurious. 1 am asked for this by a 
 lawyer of tweuty-flve years' practice— a lawyer who is old enough and promi- 
 
inJMOEO¥S TALES. 03 
 
 uent enough to be, what it especially behooves every lawyer to be, a coiiscivator 
 of public tranquility and private integrity— ouc who, with all his boasted coutcnipt 
 of legal precedents, and his real ignorance of them, yet knows full well thit in 
 no court of justice, even the most insignificant was this question, or any other 
 one so absurd as this, ever raised ; and whose only reason for raising it at this 
 time, was his knowledge of the existence of dishonest habits and unrcasonabl- 
 prejudices which, as a leading citizen he ought to be one of the last to cncoui; 
 age. Violent as the presumption often i?, and lar from the very semblance of 
 truth, it is, nevertheless, a presumption that judges know the laws ; and it 
 ought to be the habit of attorncya and solictors, especially those of experience 
 and influence, to refrain from raising questions, a moment's entertainment of 
 which by any court is sufficient to deprive it of the respect of all men. But 
 it has remained for this day to witness that the highest court in one of the 
 sovereign States of this Confcderacy,shallbe insufk;<l in its dignity and majpsty 
 by J» course of conduct which seems to have been designedly pursued in order 
 to test the sanity of that court's presiding oEBcer. Asauredly to no other miii d 
 than to that of the counsel had it been possible to fail to occur, that an insig- 
 nificant advantage in a suit at law was scarcely worth the having when it was 
 to be gained in away which, to say nothing of its influence upon its client. 
 would establish cither the stultification of the court, or (and he looked fixedly 
 and fearlessly into the judge's face,) raise the suspicion of a yet greater in- 
 firmity. Even if he should consider himself as so great a friend to the court* 
 whether from past favors or'prcsent adulation, or from any other cause, as to 
 think himself entitled to the exalted privilege of being its favorite, one would 
 liavo supposed that, if for no other reason, at least from motives of prudence 
 and decency, he would have confined hia conduct within that sphere where 
 there would have been left at least a doubt as to what judr^mcnt that conduct 
 ought to receive. It is a duty which we owe even to our private friends, no! 
 to demand a service of which there can be found no reason but friendship to 
 justify the rendering, while every other reason but fricndshii) would demmd its 
 refusal. There are some services which no ardor of friendship is adequate to 
 l»rocilro— some indeed which a projior nnd worthy friendship would be Iho last 
 1o exact.' , 
 
 A large crowd had gatheri-U into the court room, attracted Ijy the vehem ncc 
 of the yonng lawyer'.-i declamation. Tie was an eloquent speaker, and hi.s 
 speech was telling upon the bysfanders. He saw it, and it stimulated him to 
 oontinually increasing endeavii-. 
 
 •'riiero is a vulgar maxim (hat there is nothing to be lost by the asking ol 
 favAi-- 'n.- .unnsel ha==i |n„.. -....I <<tm|| ip„rn,.,l l.nn- «,. nn.nt by it. HIspuc- 
 
64 
 
 HTJirOEOTJS TALES. 
 
 eftjgfal experienw in this rojpect, while it reflects no great honor anon hl» 
 sincerity or even upon his ingennity, pays a consideration to the source from 
 which these favors flow, which it i? impossible to bo considered aa in tho small- 
 est def!;i'eo. respectfnl. I warn him this day of tho necessity to beware how he 
 abugec an influence which bis every action shows that he is congcious of exerting. 
 
 There is a decorum which men, even of the greatest ability, when in the eo- 
 joyuient of honors, even those the most fairly won, cannot neo:lect with impunity. 
 Lf't those, then, especially bewar-:-. the success of whose career i» mainly depend- 
 «?ot upon favor. For graning that the power whiv;h, strange as it is, he may 
 truiy think that he has immeasurably above others succeeded in conciliating, 
 and controlling, is absolute and unlimited, yet when it shall at last of all others- 
 jR'comi?. convinced that such a control is no longer compatible, not only with the 
 uppearance of respectability, but even with its own security, and shall, as it 
 a3>{uied!y will, withdraw from him the favor in which he seems to live, and move- 
 and have his being, he must then know how vain will bo the late pursuit o' 
 those other and higher means of snecesa which liM been his constant habit to 
 neglect. And even if this should not come to hs^ if dullness shall never be 
 ble to be conscious of, and to resist a control Mch binds it like t he spall of 
 the charmer, surely, in a country so free and s , mane in all its institution^ 
 except its courts of justice, in a country whcro . -ft are so many good and 
 bravo men — men who have been good enough au "r i7e enough to resist and to 
 destr jy every other form of tyranny^ it is not too ■\n h lo expect that the tim® 
 must come and come soon, when this last foroj muat .^ .'3!d to the necessities o' 
 an advar.r; "vii sat ion, ;;nd. follow the fate of thcs' -vhicb have gone befort 
 it Sure v. •ily, -t cannot long remain, that a fiw people, who have broke© 
 the last shackle of political despotism, must continue'to bo.v ja abject submLs- 
 eion before another which is the more odious, because thhir owu hands have 
 created it, and because their own hau'ls may peaceably d'jstroy it.' 
 
 Mr. Mobley spoke for half an hour in this atnii •, during many parti of 
 which, .Mr. Sandidge, smiling as he was, was rathc-r piteous to bo seen ; end 
 when he epoke of the merits of the ploa itself, Tommy Kicklea but that ho had 
 tt« great Mr. Sandidge for his friend: would have felt as if he ought ♦© ba lo tho 
 peiitentiary. 
 
 The judge had ODca or tfice opened hia mouth for tl:e parposa oi aiTesing 
 the speaker and finin j him for contempt ; but Mobley's pasaiou had terrified his 
 weak mind, and he had not the nerve to do it. When the last s nteocs of this 
 terrible philippic v.-as spoke;i, with feeble desperation he beckon*^ the aheriflT to 
 him. His adversary paused, and fixed his eyes, which rolled and barned lika 
 the Hoa'a, apoD both ot thea alternately. Tbs poor croatare qaailed, ebxtuk 
 
BIDIOBOITB 7ALES. 65 
 
 bacb in Lis cbair.&nd bowed his bsad ia tbc anatterable angaisb of feeling that 
 one more, ucd ho a mere boy, had assaalted him in his very castle, and van- 
 qnished him. He dwelt in the latter part of his speech most solemnly upon the 
 grave responsibilities of courts, which eat in the last resort upon the trial of 
 the rights of citizens. In the abecnce of a high couit for the correction of 
 errors, every judge should, and every upright one would hesitate in pronouncing 
 jodgraeni which was to be fino^l and irrevocable. With some of the itioa* 
 tloqnent and touching observations upon this sentiment, he c!cSoJ his speech. 
 
 His Honor had deterrained to charge the jury ia favor of the defendant. He 
 Mia from principle and from habit (a habit much more common then than now) 
 opposed to the payment of interest oii open accounts ; aid from principle and 
 habit much more opposed to the payrxj-^nt of usurious interest. He had gotten 
 St Into his head that not only was usury condemned in the Bible, bat that it 
 bad been mainly instraiusntal in the o.-crthrow of the great eccpires of tbf» 
 ancient world, particularly the Komcn. For some wag had told him that vb8 
 hlter was 0003 publicly sold end bonght by a celebiated usurer, one Didy 
 Julian, under an execution of fieri facias. Being by his pojition, one of ♦h« 
 ©ODservators of the public cafety, ha had resolved to prevent if possible any 
 ftoch disaster to hia native country, by rebuking and punishing this great.©?* 
 Tic« of society whenever it cnme iu his way, let it assunse whatever disguise It 
 nwght. Id this renewal of open account?, he imaojioed that he dimly perceived 
 aa attempt to evade the law, and had mnde np his mind wbon Ivlr. Sandidgt? 
 bod concluded, to charge upon it like a equadron of horse. But 
 Mobley had, in the very absence of all opportu: ity of argument, east sach an 
 nmoant of ridicnie upon that motion, that he gravely doubted whether socb a 
 cbarg? be right. Besidis, Mobley had now risen to the rauk of those w'uo:»<» 
 ridicule and contempt he was ashamed and afraid to incin. Ho, iherelon?' 
 refused snllenly to give any instructions; but ordering the pleadings lo b-3 
 handed to the jury, sent them to their room. Half an hour afterwards having 
 returned to the box, they were asked if they had agreed upou a verdict. Tha 
 foreman, a little dark man, with short, straight up hair, and a sharp voice, row 
 nod said : 
 
 'May it please the cote, we has uot ; we des^tej tu ask your Honor, if upon 
 the provoia — ' 
 
 'I don't want tu hear of your provo=oei. Go back lo jour room, and find * 
 verdict, or make a mis-triii), I have co isstiuctiona to ^ive on yourprovosoep.' 
 
 The little man dodged, tarnci^l quickly and led bis followers back. They 
 agreed to disagre-e ; ten of the number not being able to see any usury in the 
 consideration, while two Sandidge men contended then, and ever afterward* 
 persisted in contending, that it was pkin as day. 
 
66 HTJMdROU.S TALES. 
 
 AuU now it was tlio afttmoon ; llic sun wita last declining. Unless tbo court 
 could get fifteen or twenty miles on its way Lome to-day, it would not reach it, 
 and see its family by lo-niorrow night. Business had to be despatched right 
 away cverbody knew, or be left undone. Mr. Mobloy had a money rule to take 
 against the ehcrill. That keeper of the county had been in some aaxiety all 
 the forenoon on account of it bm ""w h.- was at his ease since he had consulted 
 Mr. Sandidge. 
 
 'What artt you scared about ;' Dou l you sec that he's bent ou iitarliug home 
 thi.s evening?' ' 
 
 'But I can't make a showing, because I've spent the money.' 
 
 'IIow much have you got aliout you at this particular time';" 
 
 'Twenty dollars.' 
 
 'Hand it over to me. It will do for you and me too for the present.' 
 
 The sherifl" paid it over. 
 
 The hist docket was closed ; in the intermission of court for dinner, the jury 
 for the next term had been drawn, those of this term were discharged. The 
 judge took out hi.^ watch. 
 
 'May it please your Honor,' began Mr. Mobley, '1 desire to take a rule 
 against the sheriDT.' 
 
 'Will it be resisted?' 
 
 'It will, may it please your Jlonor,' answered Mr. yaiididge. 'Mr. yherili go 
 to my office and Ining me ihe Acts of the last Legislature. Ih-ing tlioae of the 
 two last, if you please, Mr. Sheriff. I disremcmlter which it is that contains 
 the law I wish to refer to. 1 ask the indulgence of the court for only a few 
 iiiinut«s until I can make out the showing. 
 
 'Will there be any other rules or orders to be made?' asked the judge im- 
 jjatiently. • ' 
 
 I have several,' jMr. Sandidge answered; 'l)nt imlci^s your Honor could hold 
 over to-niorrovv, 1 shall be obliged to postpone taking thcni until the next term, 
 as this rule will take up all the balance of this aftoruoon, prol)ably. 
 
 riie sheriff was going slowly towards the do'T ; 'come back here, sir,' bawled 
 ihc judge, ri.sing, his temper all gone. 'Thi.s court has got powers ; it may be 
 insulted ; it may be abused ; but it has got powers ; it has got privileges ! Ad- 
 journ this conrt till the court in course ! !' 
 
 'I protest against this disgraceful ,' began Mr. Mobley. but the sheriff in 
 
 thundering tones was alrcadv announcing the adjournment, and as his Honor, 
 pale and haggard rushed rapidly past him. '(iod .«avc the State,' he cried in 
 thankful glee, 'and the onerble court !' 
 
 Mr. Mobley was too full of indignation to trust himsell with many words. 
 
HTT]VI0R0¥S TALE*5. ^ <^7 
 
 'You two aad lio Ibrni a gloiioua trio in the tlispcnsuiioi ol humane justice/ 
 be said bitterly to the sberiff and his lawyer. ' Rut,' raisiug his hand and sbalr 
 ing it towards the latter, 'your day is passing ; mine is coming.' 
 
 'I think he will Lave to waif, for his Supreme Court, cli, Mr. SandidgcV vc 
 marked the sheriff as Moblcy, taking the arm of Overton, who had staid till the 
 last moment, walked away to his office. 
 
 Mr. Sandidge made no answer, but taking a big cLcw, smiled thoughtfully 
 aud seriously. In twenty minutes from that time, the two rascals compelled 
 the plaintiff in execution, who had sought tlie rule, to settle his debt by taking 
 the sherilTs note at twelve months without interest, also deducting tho fee which 
 had been paid to Mr. Sandidge for defending him as be said 'from them disgrace- 
 ful proceedanccs.' 
 
 'And what do you think of Georgia justice ?' asked Mr. Moblcy, after he had 
 reached his olTicc. 
 
 'Our courts make as good a show as a caravan nf wild beasts, do they not?' 
 
 'Such scenes as those to-day must surely happen very seldom-' 
 
 'Seldom ! I tell you they happen frequently.' 
 
 'In all the; circuits?' 
 
 'No : in some of them, thank God, there arc men who arc neither fools nor 
 rascals. Rut our miserable judiciary system will not allow a man to remain 
 very long on the bench, however learned and upright he may go upon it, with- 
 out his at least tending to become one or the other of these characters. The 
 possession of unlimited power makes tyrants of the very best men, while it ig 
 notorious that our judges whcusthcy come off the bench are worse lawyers than 
 they are when they go upon it. Why, what you saw is no worse than what hag 
 frequently occurred here. The miserable dolt used to crowd me, until I felt that 
 I must resist or be a collared slave. Ho knows now, however, I think, that 1 
 am not afraid of him.' 
 
 'He is now evidently afraid of you.' 
 
 'I do not know as to that.' Mr. Moblcy brushed ihr li lir ivom Ills lorchcad. 
 and looked as though he did know as to that . 
 
 'You have passed yonr ordeal at last, and will licrcalt'r Ix? able at lea.^t. to 
 divide the control of the court.' 
 
 'Do yon think so?' 
 
 •There is no doubt of it. He is evidently hacked.' 
 
 '1 ho])0 you are not mistakej ; for humiliating as it is to a gentleman's sense 
 of propriety and decency, he must, iu order to attain professional success, either 
 liecome a favorite of the court or make the court afraid of him. Retwocn the 
 two, unhappy as is the choice of either, he cannot foi>a moment hesitate.' 
 
 The student made no answer, but parted with him, and having ordered his 
 horse, rode slowly back to ]\[r. Parkinson's. 
 
E017 JtlE. BEL WILLIAMS TOOK THE RESPOXSIBILIIY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 "Onr honor leacheth 4JS 
 
 That \rebc bold yi every entcrpriss." 
 
 The incidents tbati am about to relate transpired near Dckos* 
 borough, a small villag-j something undf.r ahundted miles from Au- 
 gusta. For many yciioit lias ceased even to be mentioned, except 
 Ly the v.'.-ryfew persona now living, who knew it before the Dukbp, 
 (from Tvhom it was named,) Icit it. It has suffered tho most absnluto 
 d( cny that I have ever known to befall a village. It had not been 
 laid «jff in its beginning upon any definite plan. Itseemed, indeed, 
 to have become a village unexpectedly to itself and to every body 
 else, notwithstanding the fact tha!, instead of being in a hurry to be- 
 come so, it took its own time, and thatamonnted to somo years. The 
 Dukes first established a blacksmith's shop — then a store. Both 
 prcspcred. After 'some time other iiersons came in, and buying a 
 jittle ground, settled on both sides of the road, (a winding load it 
 v;as,) until there were several families, a school, and a church. 
 Then tho Dukos grew ambitious, and had the place called Dukes- 
 borongli. It cTew on until this i'amily left the place, some for the 
 counties frrther west, and some for tho grave. Then decay sot in at 
 o\iC?, and to day a vrrctched log jiouso' on oiic side of the present 
 road, and fit to bo used for- no purpose whatever, is the only sign of 
 a relic of ascient Dukesborough. 
 
 It would be useless to speculate n"pon the causes of its fall. The 
 places of human habitation are like those who inhabit them. Some 
 persons die in inlanc}', some in childhood, some in youth, sonao at 
 nid?.le-ap;e, some at three score and ten, and some linger yet longer. 
 But tl)e last, in their own time.'', die as surely as many of the former. 
 Metl;u?;alch lived to nine hundred and sixty and eight years, but 
 then Ac died. The account in (Grenesis, of those first generations 
 of men, is, after all, I think, a melancholy one. Tho three last 
 words, dosin,!? tlia history of every one of them, are to )ne very 
 sad, And he died J 
 
 So it is with the places ■^hefeiti mortals dwcli. Some of them be- 
 i oiiiG villages, some towns^ some cities ; but 'all — villages, towns, 
 and cities, ha^ve their times to fall, just as infants, youths, men and 
 old men, have theirs to, die. People may say what they please about 
 
HTJM0E0U3 TALES. 69 
 
 the situation not being well chosen, and about tho disagreeableness 
 of having the names of their .residences all absorbed by the Dukes 
 whom few persons used to like. This might be tine, and I adaiii. 
 was true in this case. Yet, my position about Dukcsborugh is 
 that it had lived out its life. It had run its race like all otliev 
 things, places and people, who have lived out their lives and run 
 their race ; arjd when that was done, Dukesborough had to fall. It 
 had not lived long, and it had run but slowly, ii, indeed it can be 
 said to have run at all. But it reached its journey's end. ,Whon it 
 did, it had to fall ; and it fell. It not often happens that I pass the 
 place where it used to stand, but whenever I do, 1 feel somewhat 
 as I feel when 1 go near the neglected grave of an old acquaint- 
 ance. I say to myself ■ in the latter case. Hete is the h?t of him- 
 He was once a stout, hearty, good-humored fellow'. It is sad fo 
 think of him as having dropped everything, and being covered u.p 
 here where tho eartlir above him is now like the rest all around the 
 place, and his grave, but for ray recollection of* the spot where it 
 was due, would be indistinguishable. But it could not be helped, ar.d 
 here he^is for good. So of Dukseborough . When I pass along the 
 road, I think, 'Here was once a smart village,'— no great tlungs of 
 ourse, but stiU a lively, busy, harmless village. It might have 
 stood longer, and tho rest of the world not have been hurt ; but it is 
 no «se to think about it, because the thing is over, and Dukesborough 
 is no more. Besides myself there may be one or two persons yet 
 living, who can tell with eomo approximation to accuracy, where 
 it used to stand. When wo are dead, whoever may wish to gather 
 any relic of Dukesborough, must do as they do on the supposed bUgs 
 of the cities of more ancient times, t— that is to say, tliey mi^t dig 
 for it. 
 
 These reflections, somewhat grave I admit, may seem to be un- 
 fitly preliminary to the narrative which is to follow them. Bui I 
 trust tbcy will be pardoned in an old man who could not forbear to 
 make them, ivhen calling to mind the forsaken places of his bov- 
 hood; albeit, tho scenes which ho proposes to describe,_ f.o far 
 from being serious, are rather sportive in their character. If I CJin 
 smile, o.nd sometimes I do smile at the recital' of tlungs that wcro 
 one and words that were said by some of my earliest cotemporrncs, 
 yfct I must bo allowed aUo a sigh when I remember that the duin^B 
 and the pr.yings of nearly all of them r-TC ended for this T-crld. 
 
 chapteh II. 
 
 When Josiah Lorriby came into tho neighborhood to keep aschnol, 
 I was too yuupg and ton small to go to it alone. Having no olcei- 
 brother or sister to go along with mc, my parents, altliough tUcy 
 
70 mjMOROUS TALEB. 
 
 were anxious tor #ic lo begin, were about to concludG 1o give it uj\ 
 when, fortunately, it was ascertained that WiHiani Williams, a big 
 fellow, whose widowed mother resided near to us, intended to go 
 one term and complete his education, preparatory to being made 
 the better fitted for a prospect of some ambition which he had in 
 view. His way lay by our door, and as he was one of the most 
 accommodating persons in the world, he kindly proflFercd to take 
 charge of me. Without a moment's hesitation, and with much 
 gratitude, this offer was accepted, and I,was delivered over into his 
 keeping. 
 
 William Williams was so near being a man that the little boys 
 use to call him, Mr. Bill Williams, usually wore a stout dress-coat 
 of homespun, with pockets opening upon the outer instead of the 
 inner side of the skirts. Many a time, when I was I'atigucd with 
 walking, have I ridden upon his back, my hands resting upon his 
 shoulders aud my feet standing in those capacious pockets. 1S\y. 
 Bill promised to take care of mc, and he kept his word. 
 
 On the iirst morning when the school was opened, we went to- 
 gether to it. About one mile and a half distant stood the school- 
 house. Eighteen by twenty feet were its dimensions. It was 
 built of logs and covered with clap-boards. It l.ad one door, and 
 opposite to that a hole in the wall, two feet S(]uare, which was called 
 the window. It stood in the corner of a field (having foi'iuerty been 
 used its a fodder-house,) and on the brow of a hill, at the foot of 
 which, overshadowed by oak trees, was a noble spring of fresh 
 water. Our way led us by this spring, .lust as wo reached it, 
 Mr. Bill pointed to the eummit and said : 
 
 'Yonder it is, Squire.' 
 
 Mr. Bill freifuoutly called me squire, partly frmii more lacetious- 
 ness, and partly Irom his respect lor my father, who was a Justice oi" 
 the Peace. 
 
 I did not answer. We ascended tlio iiill, and Mr. r>ill led me 
 into the presence of the genius of the place. 
 
 Mr. Josiah Lorriby was a reiuarka]>le man, at hiast in appearance. 
 He was below the middle height, but S(|uarely built. His body was 
 good enough, but Ids otlier parts were dcrectivc. He had a low 
 liat head, with very short liair and very long ears. Ilisarms were 
 •reasonably long, but his hands and legs were disproportionately 
 short. Many tales were told of his feet, which lie wore in shoes 
 with iron soles-. He was sitting on a split-bottom chair, on one" 
 side of the fire-place. Under him, with his head jiccring out be- 
 tween the rounds, sitting on his hind legs, and standing on his foi*e 
 legs, was a small yellow (log, without tail or cars. This dog's name 
 was Rum. How he came by it 1 never knew It was, I suppose, 
 
HITMOKOIIS TALES. 71 
 
 given merely arbitrarily. I have IVcqucutly had occasion to no- 
 tice that school-masters, as a class, are wont to bestow uncommon 
 names upon not only their children, but their dogs, and even tlicir 
 horses, whenever they appear to have any of the last mentioned 
 species of property. 
 
 On the other side ot the fire-place, in another split bottom, sat. a 
 tall, raw-boned woman, with the reddest eyes that I have ever seen. 
 This was Mrs. Mehitablo, Mr. Lorriby's wife. 
 
 When I had surveyed these three personages,— this satyr of a 
 man, tiiis tailless dog, and this red-eyed woman, a sense of fear and 
 helplessness came over me, such as I had never felt before, and 
 have never Iclt since. I looked at Mr. Bill Williams, but he wan 
 observing- another pupil and did not notice mc. The other pupils, 
 eightecn'or twenty in number, seemed to be in deep meditation. 
 My eyes passed from one to another of the objects of my dread, but 
 they became finally fastened upon the dc^g. His eyes also had 
 wandered, but only with vague curiosity around upon all the 
 pupilg, until they became finally fixed upon me. We gazed at e^ch 
 other several moments. Though he sat still, and I sat still, it 
 seemed to mc tliat we were drawing continually nearer to each 
 other. Suddenly I lifted up my voice and screamed with all ray 
 might. It was so sudden and sharp that every body except the 
 woman jumped. She indifferently pointed to the dog. ITer husband 
 arose, came to mo, and in soothing tones asked what was the matter. 
 
 'I am scared !' I answered, as loud as I could speak. 
 
 'Scared of what, my little man ? of the dog ?' 
 
 'I am scared of all of you I' 
 
 He laughed with good humor, bade mc not be afraid, called up 
 Rum, talked to us both, enjoined upon us to be friends, and prophe- 
 (Med that we would be such — the best that had ever been in the 
 world. The little creature became cordial at once, reared his fore 
 feet upon his master, took them down, reared them upon me, and in 
 the absence of a tail to wag, twisted his whole hinder parts in 
 most violent assurance that if I should say the word we were friends 
 already. Such kindness, and so unexpected, dissolved my appre- 
 hensions. I was in a condition to accept terms far less liberal. So 
 T acceded, and went to laughing outright. Every body laughed, 
 and Rum, who could do nothing better in tliat line, ran about and 
 barked as joyously as any dog with a tail could have done. In the 
 afternoon when scliool was dismissed, I invited Rum to go iionic 
 with mo ; but he, waiting as I supposed, for a more intimate ac- 
 (juaintance, declined. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 It was delightful to consider how auspicious a beginning I had made. 
 
 Other little boys profited by it. Mr. Lorriby had no desire to lose 
 
72 HTSIOEOUS TALES. 
 
 any of his scliolars, and xre all were disposed to make as much of 
 advauta<je as possible of his apprehension, however unfounded, that 
 on account of our excessive timidity, our parents might remove us 
 from the school. Besides, we knew that we were to lose nothinj^ by 
 beinf^ on friendly terras with Kuni. The dread of the teacher's 
 wife coon passed away. She had but little to say and less to do. 
 Nobody had any notion of any reason which &hc had for 
 coming to the eehool. • At first she ocoasionly heard a spelling: 
 class recite After a little time she he^^an tor.omo niuch lef.s often. 
 ^ad in a few weeks her visits hud decreased to one in several days. 
 Mr, Lorriby was not of the sort of schoolmasters whom men use 
 to denominate by the title of knock-down and dra.o; out. Ho was 
 not such a man as Isiacl Meadows. But althou£^h he was good 
 hearted enough, he was somewhat politic also. Being' a new comer, 
 and beinjy pour, he determined to manage his busniesB with due re- 
 gard to the tastes, the wishes, and the prejudices of the community 
 in v/hich he labored. He decidedly preferred a mild reign but it was 
 Gaid he could easily accommodato himself to those who required 
 a move vigorous policy, He soon learned that the latter was the fa • 
 vni'ite here. People cemplained that there was little or no whip- 
 ping. Some who had read the fable of the frogs who desired i> 
 Boverei.a'n, were heard to declare that Josiah Lorriby was no better 
 than 'Old King- Log.' One patron spoke of taking his ^children 
 horae,placing the boy at the plough and the^girl at the spinning wheel. 
 
 Persons in those days loved their children, doubtless, as well zb 
 uow ; but-thoy had some strange ways of showing their love. The 
 strangest of all was the evident gratification which the former felt 
 when the latter were whipped at school. While they all had a no- 
 tion that education was something which it was desirable to get, it 
 was believed that the impartati^n of it needed to be conducted in 
 most mysterious ways. The school-house of that day was, in a 
 manner, a cave of Trophonius, into which urchins of both sexes en- 
 tered amid c6rtain incomprehensiblo ceremonies, and were ever- 
 lastingly subject and used to bo wliirlcd about, bodj- and soul, in a 
 vortex of confusion. I migijt pursue the analogy and any that, 
 like the votaries of Traphonius, they were not wont to smile until 
 long after this violent and rotary indoctrination, but rather to 
 v.'eep and lament, unless they were brave like Apollonius, or big 
 like Allen Tiiigpen, and so cnuld bully the priest far enough to have 
 the bodily rotation dispensed with. According to these i;otion8, 
 the principles of the education of books were not to be addressed 
 to tbcmiTid and to the heart; but, if they were expected to stick, they 
 must be beaten with rods into the back. Through this ordeal of 
 painful csremonies bt'.d the risen geaeraiion gone, r-^-^ *brough the 
 
ETirOEOirS TALES. 
 
 fc 
 
 same ordeal they honesty believed that tho prcsent^ generation 
 ought to go, and must go. No exception was made in, favor or 
 genius. Its back was to be kept as sore as stupidity's; toi', being- 
 yoked with the latter, it must take tho blows, the oaths, and tho 
 irnprecaiinns. I can account foi' these things in no of her way than 
 by supposit!^^ that the o'd act of poi'sons had come out cf the old 
 S)?stein, witli minds 'so bewildered as to be ever afterwards incapa- 
 ble of thinking upon it in a i-easonable manner. In one respect there 
 is a couGiderable likeness between mankind and some individuals of 
 the brute creation. The dog' seems to love best that niitster who 
 beats him before giving him a bone. I have heard persons say, 
 (those who had carefully studied the nature andhabita of the mule,) 
 that he is wont to evince a gratitude, ''somewhat touching, whni a. 
 bundle of fodder is thrown to him, at the close of a d<iy on which 
 ha has boon driven within an inch ol" his life. So with tlie good 
 people ,of Ibrmer times. They had been beaten so constantly, and 
 tio mysteriousl}' at school, that they seemed to entertain a gratefol 
 effeition for it ever afterwards, it was, therefore, with feeling's of 
 benign satisfaction, sometimes not unmixed with an innocent 
 gayety of mind, that they were wont to listen to their children 
 when thtjy complained oC the thrashings they daily received some 
 of which would i>e wholly unaccountable. Indeed tiie latter sort 
 seemed to be considered, of all others, the most salutary. When 
 the punishment was graduated by the offense, it was supporting too 
 great a likeness to the affairs of every day life and, therefore, want- 
 ing in solemn impressiveness. But wiien a school ma'^ter, for no ac- 
 countable reason, whipped a boy, and so set his mind in a stuteof 
 utter bewilderment as to what could be the matter, and tho mosl 
 vague speculations upon what was to become of him in this world, 
 to say nothing af the nest , ah! then it was that the experienced 
 felt a happiness that was gently ex^tatic They recurred in their 
 minds to their own school time, and they cojicludeJ that^ as these 
 things had not killed them, they must have done thsni good. So 
 some of our good mothers in Israel, on occasions rf great religous 
 excitement, as they bend over a shrieking* sinned, smile in sereuo 
 happiness as they fan his throbbing tcmplea, and fondly cncoura':ro 
 him to shriek on ; thinking of the pit from which they were digged, 
 and of the rock upon whicls now they are st-Jinding, they she- 
 sing, and fan, and fanning over, continue to sing und sho-aV 
 
 ^ HAPTEr . 
 
 When Mp. Lorribv liaJ / • occamc 
 
 a cew man. Om; ^Monday ■. -liin;: o turu 
 
 over a new leaf, and be weot straightw D'ght 
 
 several bojs, trom small to mediam, bau -jy.v t.vj^ -. ."nun on 
 
34: fTTMOKOUS TALES. 
 
 the girls except ia ouc iustauco. lu Ibatj I will remcnibci- the surprize I felt at 
 the manner in which her case was disposed of. Ller name was Susan Pot- 
 t<T. She was about twelve years old. and well [^rown. When she was called 
 up. inquiry was made by the master if any boy present was willing to take upon 
 iiimself the punishment which must otherwise fall upon her. After a momenta 
 silence, Seaborn Byne, a boy of fourteen, ro-se and presented himself, lie was 
 good tempered and fat, and his pants and round jacket fitted him closely, lie 
 advanced with the air o( a man who was going to do what was right, with no 
 thought of consequences. Miss Totter unconcernedly went to her scat. 
 
 But Seaborn soon evinced that he was dissatisfied with a bargain that was- 
 .-0 wholly without consideration. I believed then, and 1 believe to this day 
 but for bis beinir so good a mark he would have received fewer stripes. But 
 his round fat body and legs stood so temptingly before the rod. and the latter 
 fell upon good llcsh so entirely through its whole length, that it was really banl 
 to stop, lie roared with pain so unexpectedly severe, and violently rubbed 
 each .^pot of recent infliction. WJicii it was over bo came to bis scat and looked 
 at Susan Potter. She seeinod to feel like laughing. Seaborn got no sym- 
 pathy, except from a source, which he despised, that was his younger brother, 
 .loel. doel was weeping in secret. 
 
 'Shut up your mouth,' whispered Seaborn, threatningly — and Joel shut up. 
 
 Then I distinctly heard Seaborn mutter the following words : 
 
 'Kf I ever takes another for her. or for any of 'era, may 1 be dinged, and then 
 dug up and dinged over again.' 
 
 1 have no doubt tliat lie kept hi.s oath, for 1 continued to know Seaborn 
 Byne until ho was an old man, and I never knew a person who persistently 
 held that vicarious system of school punishment in deeper diigust. What Ms 
 ideas were about being 'dinged,' and about th it operation being repeated, I did 
 not know, but 1 supposed that was somellnng, thai, if ])OPsiblo, bettor be 
 avoided. 
 
 Such doings as these made a great change in the leelings of us little ones. 
 Vet I continued to run the crying schedule. It failed al last, and I went 
 under. 
 
 Mr. l^ortiby laiu it upon nu remorselessly. 1 had never dreamed that b<' 
 would give me .such a flogging — me who considered myself, as every body els<' 
 considered rac — a fuvoriir. Ts'ow*the charm was gone ; llie charm of Fccurity 
 It made me very sad. I lost my love (or the teacher. 1 even grew cold to 
 wards Rum, and Hum in liis turn grew cold towaids nie. 
 
 In a short time Mr. Lorri ly had gone as nearly all around the.school as il 
 was prudent to go. Mvery boy l_>ut two had received his portion, — some onc^^ 
 some several time.'^. The.'^e iwo were ^Ir. Bill '^ illiams, and anotkn- big boy, 
 named .Jeremiah llobbes. These were, of course, as secure against harm from 
 Mr. Lorriby as they would have been had be been in (Juinea. lOvery girl also 
 had been flogged,' or had had a boy flogged IVr her, exeef)t Betsy Ann Aery, 
 the belle of tlio'achool. She was u iightdiaired, bhic-cyed, plump, delicious 
 lookinu- girl, fourteen years old. Now for Miss Betsy Ann Aery, as it w:is 
 known to every body about the school house, Mr. Bill Williams had apjrtiali 
 ty which, thou,i;h not avowed, was decided, lie had never courted her in in-t 
 words, but he liad oliservcd her from day to day, and noticed her liponing into 
 waiuanbood, with constantly increasing desire. He was scarcely a match for 
 her eveu if they both hail been in condition to marry. He knew this very well. 
 But coneideratious <•( llii ; furl, poldom di) a young man any good. More often 
 
irUMOROUS TALES. * •> 
 
 than otherwise they make him worse. At least such was their effect upou Mr. 
 Bill. The greater tbe distance ' ctween dim and Miss Betsy Aun, the more he 
 yearnedj acrcss it. lie sat in school where ho could always see her, and oli I 
 how he eyed her. Ofteu, often have I noticed ]\Ir. Bill, leaning the side of his 
 head upon his arms, extended on the desk in front of him, and looking at her 
 with a countenance which, it f^oemed to nic, ought to have made some imprc?- 
 aion. Betsy Ann received all of this as if it was no more than she was enti- 
 tled to, but showed no sign whetliCr she set' any value upon the possession or 
 not. Mr. Bill hoped she did : the rest of us believed she did not. 
 
 Mr. Bill had another ambition, which was, if possible, even higher than th(? 
 winning of ]^Iis3 Aery. Having almost extravagant notions of the greatness 
 of Dukesborough, and the distinction of being a resident within it, he had long 
 desired to go there as a clerk in a store, lie had made repeated applications 
 to be taken in by Messrs. BlamI & Jones, and it was in obedience to a hint from 
 those gentlemen that he had determined to take a term of finishing oft" at the 
 school of Mr. Lorriby. This project was run out of his mind, even in moments 
 of his foudcst imaginings about Miss Betsy Ann. It would have been not easy 
 to gay wliich he loveJ the best. 'The clerkship seoned to become nearer and 
 nearer, after each Saturday's visit to town, until at last he had a distinct otTo:- 
 of the place. The salary w-as small, but he waived that consideration in view ol 
 the exaltation of the office, and the greatness of living in Dukesl>orough. IFo 
 accepted, to enter upon his dotiea in four weeks, when the quarter session of the 
 school would expire. ,. . 
 
 The dignified ways of Mr. Bill after this, made considerable impression upon 
 all the school. Even Betsy Ann condescended to turn her eyes oftener in the 
 direction where he happened to be, and he was almost inclined to glory in the 
 hope that the possession of one dear object would draw the other . alonp with it. 
 At least he felt that if he should lose the latter, the former would be the 
 highest consolation which he could ask. The news of the distinguished honor 
 that had brcn conferred upon him, reached the heads of the school early on the 
 Monday following the eventful Saturday when the business was done. 1 say 
 heads, for of late Mrs. Mchitablc came with her husband almost every day. 
 She received the nnuounccmcnt without emotion. Mr. Lorriby, on the other 
 hand, in spite of the prospect of losing a scholar, was almost extravagant in :iis 
 congratnlatiouF. 
 
 'It was a honor to the whole school,' lie sail. 
 
 'I feel?, it inys:'ir. Sich it war under all the eiieumsianee. It »>as olileeged 
 to be, and sich it war, and as it war sich, I lecls it myself.' 
 
 Seaborn B.vn« heard thrs speeclt Tnnnediately afterwards iio tnrncd to me 
 and whispered the following comnrent : 
 
 'Up h(^ iliii'^c^il ' TIio .Ivnteful old son-of-a-bitcli !' 
 
 CITAPTBPw V. 
 
 It was the. unanimous epinion amongst Mr. Lorriby's pupils 1 hat he w.i 
 grossly inconsistent with himself; that he ought to have begun wHh the rigid 
 policy .nl first, or to have held to the mild. Having oucQ enjoyed the sweets 
 of the latter, thought;^ would oecBsionally rise and (juestions v/ould lie asked 
 Seaborn I'.yne was not exactly the head, but ho w.xs certainly the orator of a 
 revolutionary party. Not on his own account ' for he had never yet, except as 
 tlx' volunnliiry fuhstituti* of Mi s Sugan Pnfler, felt npon hi" own Ijody tbe 
 
T: ^TilOKOrS TALES. 
 
 rn.ci? 01 : 10 cb'.inge of (li?cipliac. Xor did beseem to >nve any apprehension? 
 on that score. He even went so far as to saj to Mr. Bll VMijiams, who bad 
 
 Elay'ullysag^eslwl tlie ba<-e iifea of siicli a thin;?, that 'of o'd Jo Lorriby rnipcd 
 is'old pole o;i liiir, lie woii^d put his lizzard,' (as Seaborn fucotionply called his 
 kiiife ) 'inloliis paunch. This ih.cat had made his brother Joel cxtrenu'iy 
 unl'Hppr. Hi'<iitl!e heart was bowed down with the never resting fear and U^ 
 liel lliat Seaborn whs destine! t^ commit the crime of murder npon the body of 
 Mr. Lorriby. On the oiher (.and Seaborn was con.«tantly vexed by the sight 
 of th? f cores orflpgfrings whicii Joel rcwivcd. Poor Joel had, somehow, in the 
 bcgi.'-i'iiir of hia stndies, gotten upon the wrong road, and as nobody ever 
 brcuahi J.iij back to the startintr point, lie wasdosliaed, it seemed, to wander 
 about lost ererjjiore. The more flos^giogs bo pot, t!ie more hopelf-ss and wild 
 ■were his c9brt:j nt exti'icjtliDn. Jt was unforUinatc for hi i i bat his brotber 
 looV any interest ii his C'.)cdi(iou. Seaborn had great c<>bl. '.'nipt for him, b"jt 
 yet he remembered tliat he was his brotber, and hia i)rother'3 hc-art woa'd not 
 allow itself to feci no concern. That concern manifccted itself in endeavoring 
 to teach Joi;! himself out of school, and in flrggiog him himself, by way of pre- 
 venting JoelM)aving to submit to that disgrace at the hands ol old Joe. Sa 
 ess?' r wag Seaborn in this brotlierly d(^^i<^n, and so indocile was Joel, that for 
 I very fioggir.^ which the l^it'cr rtco; sod Irom the master, he got from two to 
 ihree from Seaborn. Amongst all these evil?, floggings from Mr. Lorriby, 
 floj.>ginL's fium Seaborn, and the abiding upprtWieuaion that the forme waades- 
 t'ned to be kilie.^ by the httter, Joel B}ue was a cass wkidi was to be pitied. 
 
 ■It ar' a disgrace,' faid Mr. Bill to mo, one morning as we were going to 
 Kcbool ; 'and 1 wish Mr. Larrabcj iaiov./Gd it. Betwixt him and Sebe that 
 little inneroent individiel ar' bent onbein' csoded up. It beats all natur. Ole 
 Ldrrabeear' bad cnougli, but Scbe ar' wupser yit. The case ar' wusser than if 
 there was two Larraber-.i". !•: all my experence I has not seed jist sich a cast. 
 Ttnr' beyant hope.' 
 
 Mr. Bill's sympathy •>,<. ..■. uau aTioua, aud almost gloomy. I believe th»it at 
 that u:oment both B?tsy Ann Aery and the clerkship were out of his mind. The 
 road an wiwch thn Byi.^'s came to scl.ool met ours a few rods from the Spring, 
 we were now at the : vcr place. Mr. Bill had scarcely finished bis last sen- 
 tencf when we hcaid behind us the screams of a child. "VTe should have be«'n 
 much alarmed if we h;id not known where they were and what was their cause. „ 
 'Thar it 13 agi: ,' said Mr. Bill ; 'at it good and soon. If do beat everytbiog 
 ia this blessed world, cf it don't, ding me.' 
 
 We looked behind us. Here came Joel at full spee ;, hatles-o, his spelling 
 book in one hand, and his dinner basket, wilbout cover, hanging from <he other, 
 screaming wiih all his might. Fjfty yards behind him ran Stuborn, who had 
 betn delayed, us it seemed, by having to .stop to pick up the bucket cover and 
 Joel's hat, r.s ho had Ihem both in his hands. 
 'Stop, you fonol-.t' bitch,' he cried. ^ ", 
 
 Just before reaching the spot where we were, he overtook the lugitive, threw 
 him down, took out of his baud the spelling book, opened it. nnd then getting 
 upon him, fastening his arms with bin ow-n knees, 'Now,-' said .':e, 'yoa rastal, 
 spell crucifix.' 
 
 Joel attempted to obey. 
 
 'S again, you little devil ! S-i, si 1 Ding my skin, if you shan't larn it ef I 
 have to cram every bit of it intoo your mouth with ray fist.' 
 
HTJM0E0U3 TALES. t7 
 
 'Look a here, Sebe I' interposed Mr. Bill ; fan's fun, but too much is too 
 much.' 
 
 Now what these words were intended to be preliminary to, there waa no op 
 portunity of ascertaining; for jtisUhen Mr. Jo-iuh Lorriby, who bad diwrged 
 from his own way in order to drink at the spring, presented himself. 
 
 'What air you about thar, Sebion Byne?' 
 
 Seaborn arose, and though he considered bis conduct not only judtifiablo. but. 
 proper, he looked a little crest-fallen. 
 
 'Ah, indeed!' You're the a?sist!\iit teacher, air you? Tn<erferi.»g with my 
 business, and my rights, aad my duties, and my •^, hen>. L?t u-; all jjo to tho 
 Bchocl-hoHse now. Mr. Bynewill manage buHineps hereafter. I. nsorme, T 
 aint no whar now. Conae, Mr. Bjne, lef?3 go to school.' 
 
 Mr. L:irriby and Seaborn went on, side by bide. Mr. Bill looked f ■ 
 
 were highly sjratificd. 'Ei he don't get it now, he never will.' 
 
 Alas for Joe! ! Delivered from Seab.'r;;. he was yet more miserable 1h;ja be 
 fore, and he fnrgot his own gfiefa in his pity iV.r the impending flite o( Mr. Lorriby 
 and his4 apprehension for the nltimatc crnpequence of ibis diy'e work tobif~- 
 brother. He palled me alittlc behinil Miv R:'!. nd tremblini^ly whi?perrd : 
 
 'Poor Mr. Lorriby ! Do j'oa reckon ' ini^'Seaby, Phil ?' 
 
 'What for?' I asked. _ "^ 
 
 'For killing Mr Lorriby T ' 
 
 I answered tli^^ I hoped not. This was a<i far as I could go, (or. I had sotrf" 
 confidence my.ioir in Seaborn'i, dc-yperatc resolati. n. 
 
 The matter was settled before we two had reac c ! 'be houf.e. Aa we got to 
 the door Mr. Lorriby began to lay on, and Seaborn to roar. The laying: on 
 and the roaring lasted until the n:aslcr was satisfied. Joel and 1 had staid cut- 
 eide. When it was over I looked into Joel's face. It wag radiant with joyful 
 emilea. Happy little feik%vr ! .Seibri-n wonld not be hung! That delnsior. 
 wf«.«i gone forever. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Having broken Ihb ice upon .Seaborn, Mr. Lorriby went into the sport of 
 flogging him whenever ht^ felt like it. Seoborn's revolutionary senti- 
 menta grew deeper and fitio:!-cr cousianUy. But he was now, ot courco, hope- 
 ks? of accomplishing any results bim'elf, an^i hs knew that the only chance" 
 wero to enlist Jeremiah Hobbe.?, or Mr. Bill Willianas, and make* him the 
 leader in the enterprise. Yorj foon, however, one of these chonrc3 was lo-t. 
 Hobbcs received and aoc;'|)tf<l an oft>r to become an overseer, and Sfaborn'« 
 hope? were now fixed upon Mr.' Bill alone. Tliat also M-as destined soon to be 
 lost by the lat'er's pro-pectire clerkship. Besides. Mr. Bi.l being even 'em- 
 pered, and never having r'^.-i-lved, and beino narcr likely to receive any provo- 
 cation from Mr. Lorriby. the prf:ope<t <^f making anylhifig ontcfhimwas 
 gloomy enough. In vn in Seaborn rai.9ed iuundoes concerning his phick. In 
 vain he tried every o her expedient, even to Fccrctly drawing on Mr. Bill's slat« 
 A p'cturc of a very liltle nvui flogging a very big boy, having writlen aawell 
 as he could, tne name of Mr. Lorriby near the former, aid thai of Mr. Bill near 
 the latter. Seaborn could not' di.«-sruise himself, and Mr. Bill, when r.e saw t'e 
 pictures, informed the .'uist that if he did- not mind wliat he .wa* about, he 
 would get a worse b^alin? than ever Joe Lirrabno guve hio?. S aborn hdi' 
 but one hope left ; bat that involved some little delicacy, and could be managed 
 only by its own circumatances. It might do.oad it might not do. -If Seaboro 
 
' lit M<>i:(,i( .3 'J Aij 
 
 liud been u i>r.'iyinjj boy, lie would luivc i)r:iyoil that il unylliing was to lie iniule 
 out of this, it would come before Mr. P.ill should leave. Sure eiioii>ili it did 
 come, .lust one week before the quarter was out, il came. Seaborn was in 
 ecstaciea. Let us see what it was that so exalted him. 
 
 Miss ]ictsy Anil Aery had herctorore escaped concclion for any of her short 
 comings, although they were not fiw. Hho was fond o( mischief, and no more 
 afraid of Mr. liorriby than Mr. r.ill Williams was. Indeed, I\Ii.s3 lietsy Ann 
 considered herself to be a woman, and she had been heard to say that a whip 
 pintr was something which she would talce from nobody. Mr. l^orriby smiled 
 at her mischievous tricks, but Mrs. Ijorriby frowned. These ladies became to 
 dislike each other. The younger, when in her frolics, frequently noticed the 
 elder give her husliand a look which was expressive of much meaning. Seaborn 
 had aho noticed thi^, and the worse Miss Aery grew, the oftcner IMrs. Lorriby 
 came to the school, lie had come to believe fully that the object which the 
 female Lorriby had in coming at all was to protect the male. A bright thought ! 
 fie communicated it to Miss Aery, and slyly hinted several times that he he- 
 lieycd she was afraid of Old lied Eye, "as he denominated the master's wife. 
 Miss Aery indignantly repelled cvei7 such insinuation, and became only the 
 bolder in what, fihe said and what she did. Seaborn knew that the Larriby's 
 were well aware of Mr. 1 Jill's preference for the girl, and he intensely enjoyed 
 her temerity. But it was hard to satisfy him that she was not afraid of Old 
 Red Eye. If Old Red Eye had not been there, IJetsy Ann would have done 
 .'■o and so. 'J'hc reason why she did not do so and so, was because old Ilcd ]"^ye 
 was about. Alas for human nature — male and female ! lietsy Ann went on 
 and on, until she was brought to a halt. The occasion was thus : 
 
 There was in the school a boy, off bout my own size, and ofavcarortwo 
 older, whose name was Martin Granger. 11c was somewhat of a pitiful looking 
 creature — whined when he spoke, andVas frequently in quarrels, not only with 
 the boye, but with the girls, lie was suspected of sometimes ))laying the part 
 of spy and informant to the Lorriby's, both of whom treated him with more 
 consideration than any other pupil received, except Mr. IJill Williams. Miss 
 Uetsy Ann cordially disliked him, and she honored myself by calling me her 
 favorite in the whole school. 
 
 Now Martin and myself got ourselves very unexpectedly into a fight. 1 hiad 
 divided my molasses with Iiim at dinner time for weeks and weelcs. A few of 
 the pupils, whose parents could afford to have that luxury, were accustomed to 
 carry it to school in vial;-. I ni^ually ate my part, aficr boreing a hole in my 
 biscuit, and then filling it up. I have often wished, since 1 have been grown, 
 that I could relish tliat preparation as I relished it when a boy. Uut as wc 
 grow older our tastes change. l\Iartiu Granger relished the juicfl even more 
 llinn I. In all my observations. I have never known a person, of any description, 
 who was as fond of'molasscs as he was. It did nic good to see him eat it.| lie 
 never Ijrougbt any himself, but he u.scd to hint, in his whining way, thqj the 
 time was not distant when his father would havi^ a whole keg full, and when 
 he should bring it to school in his father's big snufi'bottlc, which was well known 
 to us all. Although I was not so sanguine of the realization of this pro.spcct as 
 he seemed t'.» be, yet I had not on that o.ccount became tired of furnishing him. 
 I only grew tired of his presence while at my dinner, and I availed myself of a 
 trifling dispute one day to slmt down upon him. I not only did not invite him 
 to partake of my molasses, but I rejected his proposition to do so without invi- 
 tation. He had been dividing it with mc so long that I believe he thought my 
 
IIUM0K0U3 TALES. iO 
 
 I'igbt to cut bmi oli now was stopped, lie watched iiic as_ I Iwicd ui.y i.'^., 
 and poured in, and ate, and even wasted the precious fluid. I could no: c 
 same it all. When I had finished eating, I poured water into the vial ; i 
 made what we called 'beverage.' I would drink a little, then shuko it and bo., 
 it up before mc. The golden Imbbles shown gloriously in the sun light. I bad 
 not said a word to Martin during these interesting operation.^, nor even looked 
 towards him. But I knew that bis eyes were upon me and the vial. Just as I 
 swollowed the last drop, his full heart 'could Ijcar no more, and he uttered a cry 
 of pain. I turned to him and asked him what was the matter. The question 
 seemed to bo considered as adding insult to injustice. 
 
 'Corn deternally trive your devilish bide,' be answered, and gave me the full 
 Ijcuelit of bis clenched hand upon my stomach, lie was afterwards beard to 
 say that 'thar was the place whar be wanted to hit fust.' We closed, scratched, 
 pulled hair, and otherwise struggled until we were separated. Martin went 
 immediately to Mr. Lorriby, gave his version of the brawl, and just as the 
 school was to be dismissed for the day, I was- called up and flogged without 
 inquiry and without explanation. 
 
 Miss Betsy Ann Aery had seen the fight. When i came to my scat, crying 
 bitterly, her indignation could not contain itself. 
 
 'Mr. Lorribee,' she said, her red cheeks growing redder, 'you have; whipped 
 that boy for. nothing.' 
 
 Betsy Ann, with all of her pluck, had never gone so far as this. Mr. Lorriby 
 turned pale and looked at his wife. Her red eyes fairly glistened with fire, lie 
 understood it, and said to Betsy Ana in a hesitating tone, — 
 
 'You had better keep your advice to yourself.' 
 
 '1 did not give you any advice. I just, said yo" whipped that boy for nofli 
 ing, and I said the truth.' 
 
 'Aint that advice, madam ?' 
 
 'I am no madam, I thank you, sir ; and if that's advice — " 
 
 '8het up your mouth, Betsy Ann Aery.' 
 
 •Yes sir,' said B. A., very loud, and she fastened her pc(?tty, pouting lip> U> 
 gether, elevated her bead, mcliued a little to one sidc,"and scorned amusedly 
 awaiting further orders. 
 
 The iemalc Lorriby here rose, went to her husband, and wbispcrod earueslly 
 to him. lie hesitated and then resolved. 
 
 'Come here to me, T.etsy Ann Aery.' 
 
 She went up as gaily as if she expected a present. 
 
 '1 am going to whip Betsy Ann Aery. VA' any boy here wants to take it for 
 her, he can no>v step forrards.' 
 
 I5etsy Ann putlod her foot, and looked neither to the right nor to the left, 
 nor yet behind her. ' 
 
 When a substilutt! was invited to aiTpear, the house was as .still as a gri^'o 
 yard. I rubbed my legs apoligetically, and looked up at Seaborn who sat by 
 me. . 
 
 'No sir ; if I do may I be dinged, and then dug up and — ' I did not listen 
 to the remainder, and as no one else seemed disposed to volunteer, and a4 tht: 
 difiiculty wius brought about upon my own aceonnt, and as Betsy Ann liked mc 
 and I liked l*.etsy Ann, 1 made a desperate resolution, ami rose and presented 
 myself. iJclsy Ann ap])eared to bo disgusted. 
 
 'I don't think I would whij) tliat child ' 
 
 placi- pspe(.-i;dlv for otlipr folk'4I'iin"3.' 
 
80 HTiroHors tales. 
 
 I'bafa jist as you Ray. 
 
 •Well, I eay po back to Svu, .- .;. Thii. 
 
 I obeyed, and felt relieved and proud of mrsclf. Mr. Lorriby bepran to 
 ?traiphu-nlii'= ':«itpl.. Tl.nT ^ '^' tl.,. ..»her' niipila, looked at Mr. Bill 
 William 
 
 L'iiAlTi.JLi Ml. 
 
 Oh! what an arj:u!: < :i ■. j.- a;oing on in Mr. Dill's breaet. Vain bad been 
 .•xH cffor; liriiiy him in any ^vay in collision with the Lor- 
 
 ■■'b'cs.^ ! '! out or all comI)inQlion3 to pet a littlo holiday 
 
 by ao inuuCic:, l;a<J been ail nppcale. Lcretofore, to bis syiu 
 
 nathie^: : *(>r . - 1 who Lad bu'n lbrout,'h the ordeal «f 
 
 '^^"; ii*;vo that it did more harm than good If it 
 
 f'**^' V nil Aery, he would have b^^n unmoved. But 
 
 '^ ' had been often heard to eny that if Betsy Ann 
 
 -^'"' .1. he should t;ike upon himself tho responsibility 
 
 olsi-viii- uiai iu:i; iiiun IJ-; I lonc. And now that continpency hud come. Wha't 
 ought to be d .ne ? How wa.« this repponMhility to be dif^cbarpcd? Mr. Bill 
 wished that tlic female Lorribv had stayed away that dav. He did not know 
 exactly why he wished it, butbe wished It. To add to his other difficultioa, 
 Miss iBetsy Ana had never pivca any token of her reciprocation of his regard ; 
 for now that the novelty of the future clerkship had worn away> fhe hod r»^ 
 tnroed to her old habit of never seeming to notice that there was euch a pcrsoi 
 a9 h iff self. But the idea of a switch falling upon her, whose body, trom the 
 crown of her liead to tho soles of her feet, was so precious to him, outweighed 
 every other consideration, and he made op bis mind to be as good as his word, 
 &ad take the responsibility. Just as the male Lorribv, (the female by his Bide,) 
 was about to raise the switch. 
 
 'Stop a minute, Mr. Lorrabec,' he exclaimed, advancing in a highly excited 
 manner. 
 
 The tpncber lowered his arm and retreated one step, looking a little irreso- 
 lute. His wilij advanced one Bfep. and looking straipht at Mr. Bill, her robast 
 frame rose at L' ist an inch higher. 
 
 'Mr. Larrabce ! I — oh — don't exactly consider mjt'cU— ah— ..« i scholar 
 l^ere uow ; bocuu^e — ah — I e.vpcntto move to Dukcsborough iu a few days, 
 and kef p store thur. for Mr. Blaud and Jones.' 
 
 To bia 88 oui^hmcnt, this nnDoun(ement, so impressive heretofore, failed of 
 the slightcit effect now, when, ol nil time?, an effect was de^^ircd. Mr Lor- 
 riby, iu answer t i a e'gn from his wiTc, had recovered his lost ground, and 
 looked placidly upon him. but answered nothing. 
 
 ^ 'I £ov,' repealed Mr. Bill ^i.'Jtinctiyj as if he supposed he bad not been heard. 
 'I say limt 1 t-xpect in n fiw davs to move to Dukesboaough ; to livo thtr, 
 to keep store tLnr for Mr. Bland and Jones.' 
 
 •Well Williams, I think I have heard that before, I want to herr yea 
 talk ai.out ii conie tintt when it aint school lime, and when we aint so buBy 
 a» we nir now at the present. 
 
 •We'I b :' — • persistcded Mr: Bil! 
 
 'Well , bill .' enqnirfd Mr. L; 
 
 'Yes 'ir.' nrswer(d ilie former, ins'stinplv: 
 
 •\V<1I but what ? Is this cose got auyihing to do ■with It? la <&« got 
 any thing to do wjib ii ?' 
 
HUM0E0U3 TALES. 81 
 
 'In cose it have not,' answered Mr: B., sadly: 
 
 'WelJ, what maljes you tell us of it now, at tho present?' Ohl what a 
 big word was that ux, then, to Jo.^iab Lorriby. 
 
 'Mr. L'lrrabec,' urged Mi" B., in aa persuasive accents as he could em- 
 plov ; 'No sir, Mr; Lirrab?e, it have not got any thing to do with it; but yet — ' 
 
 •Well— yit what, William ?' ~ 
 
 'Well, Mr. Lirrabee, I thought, as I u'<v a poin to qui*-, school soon; and 
 aa I wai a goin to move to Duke?borcugh, — a< I u'as a coin ri^U ouUn 
 your echoo], intoo Dukesborongh as it wor — to keep [-.tore thar — may be yea 
 moot, np a favoc do me a favor before L It ft.' 
 
 'Well ! may I be dinced, and then di:g up and dinged ovolp acrin I* This woa 
 paid in aenppressfd wbipper, by a person at my side. 'Beggio I bepgin ! ding 
 his white-livered hid-- — b e-g-gin !' 
 
 'Why, William,' replied Mr. L..' cf it w^re convenanK arid iihe favor war 
 HOT too much, it mout be that I mout grant it.' v 
 
 'I thought you wonU, Mr. Larrabee. The favor aint a big one. Lfs^t 
 wayp, it niut a big one to you. It would b-: a mighty — ' But Mr. Bi 1 Ihcugb': 
 be could hardly trust himself to say how big a oce it would be to himself. 
 
 'Well, what is it, William ?' , • 
 
 'Mr. Larrabee !- Sir. Mr. Larrr.bce, I ax 't as a favor of yc 
 Beti'y Ann — which is Miss Betsy Ann Acrv.' ' 
 
 'Thar, now !' groaned Scabon .d bowed.his head in despair. 
 
 The mole Larriby looked upon the female. Her face had relnxed somewhat 
 from its Btc-rn expre-sion. She answered his glanco by one which implied a 
 conditional affirmative. 
 
 'Ef Betsy Ann Aery will itibive herself, and keep her impudence to herself 
 I will let her ofi this time.' 
 
 All eyes turned to BeUy At I nev. r saw her look so fine as she raised 
 op her head, to8?cd her ye'- > mglets back, and said, in a tonr? increasing in 
 londnejB from beginning to vU( ; 
 
 'But Betsy Ann Aery wont do H.' 
 
 'Hello agin tbarl' whispered Senbrrn, ., ,o. .. ,,,j i. ..*... li .- >i.yi".* hope? 
 
 of a big row were revived. This vifas the Inst opportunity, and ho wa"^ as eager 
 at if the last dollar he ever expected to make haii bc?n pledged upon the event. 
 I have nexer forgotten his appearance, as wilh hi" krrs wi«Tc opart, his hands 
 upon his knees, bia lips apiit, but his teeth nearly ''-^i^ !; gaz^d upon thai 
 scene.' '. 
 
 'Lorriby, the male, was considerably discOncer t( ■ ;W have compro- 
 
 promieed ; but Lorriby, the female, o^^ain. in nn ' ' ber hostile 
 
 attitude, and this time her great fyf looked liko She c in- 
 
 centraied their gez: upon Betsy Ann. with a ferocity w.iWa was appnlvng. 
 Betsy Ann tried to meet them, and did for one nionent. but in another s-ii" found 
 she could not hold out longer ; so she buried her face in her hands ^ud sobbed. 
 Mr. Bill could endure no more. 
 
 •The fact ar',' he cried, 'that 1 am goin to take the rtspoosibility.^ Conshe-. 
 qoenches may be coushe'ijuenche?, but I shall take the rospcpyibility.' His 
 countenance was that of a mm who had made v.n b's ir-cd Tt bad como ot 
 last, and we were perfectly happy 
 
on -Mr. Hill. ::iccd 
 
 Ihom OIlberBulr . i l,v' , ;. l.:lUKdi:.Ul> Inhuul Ui5 
 
 inntcsnght arm, while];,: m.) what was goin:,' on, 
 
 came up, aud BtundiDi,' on in n: n, Kit, icrirrd iurioii-ly up at Mr. Hill. 
 
 Seaborn Byne noticed tlii^; Iju-t inuv.inent. 'W*!!. d that don't beat crca 
 lion. Yoiiinit, loo. i:i>ui. ?'- i.^ tctth. 'Well, n. vcr do 
 
 you mind. lOf J don't li\ you, ill never know uu more 
 
 I'ut what you've /,'ot a l:iil, iM.i\ i , Ac. 
 
 It istrue that Seahorii ii;Kl 1. n c . more imporlant work 
 
 than the ncutraJizing of Kuiiis lorc> ; .am. i i.;, w that Mr. Bill wanted and 
 needed no assLjluncc Wc were all re.idy, however ; thfit ii?, 1 should siv all 
 but Martin. lie had no 1,'riory. and therefore no desires. 
 
 Such was Uic height of Mr. BillV cxciteniCMt, thaf he di<l not even stem to 
 notice 'the hostile dcuionstrations of thc^^c nunicni" :» 1 vnriou^ foes. His mind 
 was mcdc np, and he was -^'oio- ri.£?ht on to his 
 
 'Mr. I.orrabcc,' ho said, liruily, i amgoin to .-jwnKibility. 1 axCd 
 
 you ai? a lavor to do mc a favor before 1 left. 1 aint niucii ii.'=cd to axin livors ; 
 but .sich it war now. It Bccms us cr that favor cannoi bo L'mntcd. Yoa, Pich 
 IS tlje circumaneos. But it must be so. Sense I have been hero they aint k-cn 
 no difiicultics betwixt you and me, nor betwixt laoand JSliss liarrabce, and no 
 notbiu' of tlie Fort, not evta bistwixt me and l{nm. Sich, therefore, it w.is why I 
 axod the favor ns a favor. But il can't ')e ho; :d, and .^o 1 takc.^^ the rcsjion.si 
 ability. Mr. Larrabee, nir, and you, Mis.s Ijanubec, T am goin' from this Bchool 
 rii,^ht intoo J^ukesborough straight intoo Mr. T'.laud s store, to clerk ihar. Sich 
 bein'all the circumanccs, iJiatef! to do what I tell- yon I'm goiu' to do Miit 
 it can't I)c ho])cd it seem, ami J ar' goin' to do ;i 
 
 Mr. IJill announced this concluhion in a very vatod tone. 
 
 'Oh, yes, dinp: your old hidr.s c" you,' 1 heard 
 
 Mr. Ijarralx^, and you, IWi J..4rral)oe,' cont: „j>uikcr, '1 dot. not de- 
 
 sires that Betsy Ann Aery f^hall bi whippc d. a on to say, that us sich it 
 
 ar', and as f-ich the circumances, Betsy Ann A •im't be whipiK^l whar I ar' 
 ef J can keej) it from boiu'donc.' 
 
 ^ 'You harod thnt. -lidn'f you i?' askod Sraliorn. Inr but crudiy triumphant ; and 
 Soabonilookwl :i! : 'c^sidcrii ' lu'viii the battlo with hiia 
 
 Mrs. liorraby. . .ke. Wh^ . wad to the jiOint. 
 
 'Yc.^, but VVeelliaui Wcuiliamj, yo;: ;; i;nm boin' done.' And she 
 
 Htruightoned hernelf yet higher, ond r. unlj yet higher upon her sides, 
 
 changed theangle of ! ■ ; ' iiiui l' lo uoiito. 
 
 'V(s, but I kin,' pi! 'Mr. Lai-rabeel Mr. Larraba'I" 
 
 Tlii.'^^rcntlcman had i«n,i.n,u I.I. ■ i ;id, and was peering at fMr. Bill through 
 rtjc triuiiguliir opening formed by his mate's tide and arm. The reason why 
 Mr. Bill a(ldi\s.-od him twice, was because ho hiid miiiscd him when he threw 
 the 6r.-,t uddn. s over her shoulder. The last was sent through tin' triang'e. 
 
 'Mr. I^arrabie ! i say it kin be done and I'm goin' to do if. Sir. little as 1 
 counted on sich a ca.se, yit still, it ar' so. Let the consheiiuciicho? be what thoy 
 1)0, both now and some futur day. Mr. Larrabee, sir. that whippin' that you 
 wasa goin' to givo to Letsy Ann Aery cannot fall upon h r shoulders, and — 
 that is, upon her phouldcr,^,, and before n>y face. IpjMI nC-ich. ^ir.you may 
 ji::t — instid of whippin' her, sir, you may — in.'tkl of !• i' nnlwith 
 
 standin'and nevertheless— you may give it (o ME' 
 
EFMOROffS TALEb. SS 
 
 CllAFTKR Vlll. 
 
 ■CUi ! what a fall was there, my cuuiitiyracii '. 
 Then you and I and all of U3 iell down ':' 
 
 ii tiKj j)u})ils of Josiah Lorriby"s school had bad tbi'. kno\>!cdg-cof ail tongues ; 
 il Iht-y hudbcen familiar witb tho histories of all tli-: base men of all the ages, 
 they could have found no word,-? in which to cTiiracfciiw, and no person with 
 whom to compare Mr. Bill Williams. If they had known what it Was to be a 
 fraitor, tlicy might have admitted that he was inore alike tliis, the most 
 Wegpic^alile of all characters, than any other. Bat tin y would have argued that 
 he was baser than all other traitor;-;, because he had ootrayed, not 6niy others, 
 but hnil^elf. Mr. Bill Williams, tho big boy; thi- inturc resident ofDokes- 
 l)orough ; the expectant clerk : flio vindicator Of jiorsecuted liirlhood, in the 
 person of tho girl he loved; the pledge-taker of P'Sponsibiiitics, — that he 
 should have taken the pains, just before lie was going away, to degrade him- 
 self by proposing to take nponhis own Shoulders the rod that had never be- 
 fore descended but upon the backs and hgs of children I Poor Seaborn Byne ! 
 If I ever siw expressed in one human being's counlonance, disgust, anger and 
 abject hopelessness, I saw them as I turned to look i.t him. He spoke not one 
 word, not even in whispers, but he looked as if he c^ i;ld never more place con- 
 Hdence i I) mortal flesh. 
 
 When Mr. Bill had concluded his ultimatum, t Ik- female l.orriby's arBos 
 came down, and the male Lorriby's head went up. 'I'hey sent each the other a 
 ymile. Both were smart enough to be satisfied. The latter was more than 
 iiished. 
 
 •I am proud this day of William Williams. It air so, and A can but say I 
 air pro%d of him. William Wlliams were now in a position to stand up and 
 shine in his new eperc of action. If he went to 1 )ukei!borough to keep store 
 thar, he mout now go sayin' that as he had been a good scholar, so he mout 
 expect to be agood derk, and fit to be trusted, yea, with thousands upon thou- 
 sands, ef sich mout be the case. But as it was so. and as he have been to us 
 all as it ware, and no difficulties, and no nothia of the sort, and he ware 
 goin'.acd it mout be soon ; yea. it mout be to-morrow, from this school 
 ,-ti-aight intoo a store, I cannot, nor f cannot. No. far be it. This were a 
 I<enc too solemn and too lovely for sich. 1 cannot, nor I cannot. William 
 \Villianis may now take his seat. 
 
 Mr. Bill obeyed. I was jflad that he did not look at Betsy Ann as she 
 turned to go to hers. But she looked at him. I saw her, and little as I was, 
 I saw also that if he ever had had any chance <if winning her. it v?a3 gone 
 trom him forever. It was now late in the afternoon, and we were dismissed. 
 Without saying a word to any one, Mr. Bill took hk arithmatic and slate, (for 
 ciphering, as it was called then, was his only study). We knew what it 
 meant, for we felt, as well as he, that this was his last day at school. As my 
 getting to school depended upon his continuance, I did not doubt that it was 
 my last also. 
 
 On the way home, but not until after separatuig from all the other boye, 
 Mr. Bill showed some disposition to boast. 
 
 . 'You .all little fellows was monstous badly akeered this evening, Squire. 
 'Was'nt you seared too?' I asked. 
 
 'SkeeredV I'd like t. - - •'■'^ rboolmaster that f^uuld skeer m^ I skeered 
 of Joe Larrabee ?' 
 
ftl FTMOROCft TALES. 
 
 ■| dill not think jnu were scan «1 o\ liiin,' 
 
 Skccrol of who then? Mis> Limiboc ' OM K.il Kyc? J^ln' muat be 
 icnIiIct cjtnl than wliat she :ir'. and tlien not skccr nic Wliy l(K)k In n-. Siiaiir. 
 how would I look jroin' into l>iikr.-l>iiroafjli into Mr. Bland and .Iokcs -torp, 
 ri^^ht from l>cin' fkeercd of old Mi^■» l.arnilK-e? To In- ninnin' right intoo Mr. 
 Bland and .tone's i-lore, and old .Mdntibiliy Ivirr.itxo ripht artcr ini-, or old 
 .loc nutlicr. It wnr well for him thai he nuvfr struck Betsy Ann Aery. Kl 
 he had a struck he-, Jo f,arrnlnrV ptrikin' tlays would lie over.' 
 
 'But wasut you poin' to take li<'r whippin' for her?' 
 
 •Lookcc here, Scuiirc, 1 tlidn't lukc it. di<l 1 ?' 
 
 'No ; but you said you wa.-< ready lo take it" 
 
 'Poor little fdlow !' he paid, eompas,<!ionfttoIy. 'Squire, you are yit \ouiis; in 
 the way.'^ of this sorrowful and ontimely world. .Iix' l/»rrnbee knows me.nnd I 
 knows doc Larrabei, andn-" t'.ii' feller said, that ainunirieat.' 
 
 We were now al oar "rate. Mr. IWll bade lue good eveniii};, uod p;»=«iiJ on 
 and thnscudei his pupilage and mine at the school of. Josiah Lorriby. 
 
MISS PEA, MISS SPOUTER AND THE YANKEE. 
 
 CHAl'TEK I. 
 
 "Companiona 
 That, do converse, and waste the time together, 
 WTiose souls do bear an equal yoke of love." 
 
 Merchant of Venice. 
 
 Mr. Benjamin (but as everybody called him uncle Ben) Pea, re- 
 sided two "miles out of Dukesboroiigh ; he was a small farmer— not 
 small in person, but a farmer on a small scale. He raised consider- 
 able corn, a trifle of cotton, great quantities of potatoes and sonie 
 pinders. It was said tliat in his younger days he used to be brisk in 
 his business and to inako something by hauling wood to town. He 
 spent as little as he could and savinl as much as he could; but for a 
 certain purpose lie kept as good an establishment as he could. His 
 little wagon used to be good enongli to carry him and the old woman 
 to town, yet he bought a second hand gig, and did other things in 
 proportion. It was extravagant and he knew it, but he had a pur- 
 pose. That purpose was to marry < iff his daughter Georgiana. Now, 
 Georgiana had told him for years and years, even before the old 
 woman died, that if he wanted to marry her off (a thing she cared 
 nothing about liersolf) tlie only way to do that was ibr the family to 
 go in a decent way. And now the old woman had died, and her 
 father had grown old, she had her own way, and tint wa.s as decent 
 as could be afforded, and no raoro. 
 
 Miss Georgiana Tea was heavy ; heavy of being married off, and 
 heavy of body; her weight for liftecn years at the least, had not 
 been probably less than one hundred and seventy pounds. In her 
 seasons of highest health, whicli were probably ofttiner in the lattci 
 part of the fall than at any other period of the year, people used to 
 guess that it might be even more ; I nit there was no getting at it at 
 any time, because she always stoutly refused to be weighed. True, 
 she laced, but that did not seem to diminish her materially, for what 
 was pressed down by the corsets managed to re-appear somewhere 
 q\k. She had a magnificent bust —this bust was her pride, that was 
 
86 HLTJOKOrs U'ALEf. 
 
 cvidciil. ludecii, she il^ j^ood as confessed as niucli tti luc. I knew 
 the family well : she di<rnt niiml me — I was a very small boy, and 
 she was awan- tliat J considciod that bnst a wonderful vvdrk of 
 nature. 
 
 Yet 8hc did'iit luaiiy. Tlu- old gcnticui.in had bceu su anxi'iUi- 
 about it, that ho bad l(li;fi ago rather given it out iu a public way 
 that upon her marria^<' r.-ilh his conecut, (she was the onl}' child — 
 Peterson died when a h .y, ul' measles) he hhouM t;ivc up everything, 
 liouses, lands, stuck In mi tare, and money, and live ui)on the bounty 
 of his son-in-law. Thi - • i^cveral items of jiropcrty had been often 
 appraised by the n(ji,L;hl'<>rs as accurately as could he done, (consider- 
 ing that the exact anmiiit of money could not be gotten at) in \io\v 
 of ascertaining fur their «'wn Hatisfaction what her duwry might be. 
 The appraisement had g uio ihiough many gradations of figures, while 
 the bridegroom dcl.iyed his coining. At the period of which I am 
 now telling, there were those who maintained that nncle Ben wa.^ 
 worth. four thousand dollars: others shook their hoadi>-and said 
 tiiirty-fivo hundre<l ; "vvhik ollicrs yet, who claimed to know more 
 about it than any body olac, they did'nt care who it was, insisted thai 
 three thousand was the outside. Many a man, it seemed to me, nnd 
 one that would h;ivo been wortli having, might have been caught by 
 that bust and that prospective fortune. I remember that 1 was con- 
 stantly expecting them tu marry her oft'. But they did not ; and now, 
 at thirty, or thereabout, slie was evidently oi Uic opinion that even il' 
 she had many desires to enter intotho estate of marriage, their chances 
 of gratification were few. liid'-ol. Miss Tea was at that stage when 
 .she was beginning to speak olten of the other sox with disgust. 
 
 Mr. Jacob Spouter rcsiocd in Ik- very heart ol' I >ukesborongh, and 
 kept a hotel. The town 1 oin;; Dall, his business was small. lb- 
 was a small man, hut looked lu i-:.it, capable and business like. 'J'o 
 look at him, yon wotUd have supponi^d that he kept a good hotel, but 
 he did not. It is ; urprising, indeed, to consider how few men there 
 arc who do, }int tlds is a great thiym; and (-ntircly indepeiKh^nt ol 
 what 1 wish to tell, except so far .as it may relate to the fact that Mr 
 Spuutor had yet living witli him, an only child, a daughter, who.sc 
 name was Angeline. 5liss Angclinc,in short, took after the Kanigans, 
 who were lung. She was a very thin young lady, almost too thin to 
 look well, and her hair and complexion were rather sallow. Hut then 
 that hair <-urled— every hair curled. . 
 
 Who has not a weakness? Miss Pea had hers, we .s;i\v ; and now 
 wc shall see, as everybody for years had seen, that Mis.o 8pouter had 
 hers, also. It was an innocent one — it wqs her eurls. In the memo- 
 ry of man that hair had never been done up, but through all changes 
 of circumstances and weather, it had hung in curls, just as it hung on 
 the day when this story begins. They had been complimented 
 
HUiJOKOUS TALE8. 87 
 
 Uiousaucls ui' timetj, ami by hundi'cds of peisoua ; the guests of yeart. 
 had noticed them, and had uttered and sojilcd their approbation ; and 
 there liad been times when Miss Spoutcr hoped, in spite of the want 
 of other as striking charms, and in spile of the universally known fact 
 that her father liad always boen insolvent and always would bo, that 
 thotic curls would cvcutu.illy entangle the pei^ion, without whom she 
 felt that she never- could bo happy. While thiy person was a man, it 
 was not any particular individual of the species. Many a time had 
 she seen one who, she thought, would answer- Slie was not very 
 fastidious, but she posiiivel}' believed (and this belief made her appear 
 to be anxious) that in view of all the circumstauces of her life, the best 
 thing- that she could do for herself woukV be to marry , besides, there 
 was something in her, she thought, which she constantly understood 
 to be telling- her that if she had the opportunity, she could make some 
 man extremely happy. 
 
 But though those curls had been «o often praised — ^yea, though 
 they had been sometimes handled — to such a degree did people's 
 admiration of them extend^ that Miss Spouter, like her contemporary 
 in the country, was unmarried, and beginning to try to feel as if she 
 despised the vain and foolish world of man. 
 
 Tlicsc young ladies were friends and had been always. They 
 were so much attached that each seemed, to a superficial observer, 
 lo believe that she had bceir born for but onii special purpose, and that 
 was to help the other to get married ; for Miss SpoiUxn- believed and 
 Miss Pea knew that marriage was a subject whicli, >\'ithout intcnnis- 
 sion, occupied the mind of her friend. It was pleasant to hoar Mi-^s 
 Spouter, who was more sentimental and the ' - . .r talker of tho twc, 
 praise Miss Pea's 'liggcr,' by which terms siie meant only her l)nst. 
 No one ever dreamed that it was possible for any jealousy to rise be- 
 tween them ; for Miss Spoutcr had no figure worth mentioning, an<l 
 not a hair of Miss Pea's head could be curled ; not only so, but tin- 
 fact was, that in her heart of hearts (so curious a thing is even the • 
 most constant friendship) neither thought much of the other's special 
 accomplishment ; rather, each thought that there was entirely too 
 much of it, csjiecially Miss Spouter touching the 'figgcr.' If Miss Pea 
 considered the property (jualifination in" lior favor, Miss Spouter did 
 not forget that she resided right in the very heart of Dukesborougb, 
 and that her father kept a hotel. Now, as long as tlic world stands, 
 persons of their condition who live in town, will feel a little ahead 
 of those who live in the coiintry ; wliilo the latter, though never 
 exactly knowing why, will admit tliat it is so. MisB Pea was geuei- 
 ally very much liked by the neighbors ; Miss Spoutcr had not made 
 a great number of friends. Probably town airs had something to do 
 in the matter. Miss Pea was considered the superior character of 
 the two, but neither of them thought so ; Miss Spouter, especially, 
 
88 HCMOKdFfi TALES. 
 
 who knew the meaning* of uiany more words in 'lie dictionary than 
 her friend, and wlio had read Ah^n/,i> and Mcli sa and the Three 
 Spaniards, until she had the run "f them fully, never tlveaiued of 
 sueh a thinj^-. 
 
 Miss Spouter was Ibnd of visifiu.^" Mifi;s Pea, < iiiciiially in watcr- 
 incloii time. Miss Pen valued the Iriendshipof ^' iss Spouter hecausc 
 it afforded her frequent opportunities of staying a i hotel, a privilege 
 which she well knew not many country girls enio_\ I. To stay there, 
 not as a boarder, hut as a friend of tiie family . to eat there, and 
 sleep there, and not to pay lor either of these u\ > inctions as other 
 people did, hut to do those things on iuvitation ' Now, while Mies 
 Pea got much bettfM- eating and sleeping at honii vet she could but 
 eonsider the former as privilcgt^s. She never wo 1 forget that once 
 when there was a show in Ditke.sborough, Lciven hy a ventriloquist, 
 who was also a juggler, she hud lieen at Mr. J. Spouter'.s an»l had 
 been introduced to the wonderful man and hi.; wife too, and had 
 heard them talk about general mutters just as oilier people did. 
 
 But time was waxing- old. Tlie bust had about ceased to be 
 ambitious, and the crnds, though wishful yet, woro fulling into tlio 
 liabil (if <';iviM"- only dcsponilont ^;Ilakes. 
 
 (JllAlTEPt II. 
 
 Miss Spouter sat in the liotel parlor ; it was on the fnst floor and 
 npeued upon the .street ; in it wore two wooden rocking-chairs, six 
 split-bottoms and a halli. jud. 1 shall n(»t undertake to describe 
 the window-curtains. 81iu was i)eusivc and silent : the .still .summer 
 evening disposed Iwi- to uieditatiou. Slio sat silent and poiisivo, but 
 not gloomy. Looking out from the window, she espied on the further 
 side of th(r square, ^Iiss I'ea, who was in the act of turning towardw 
 her. Ileit^ she eauie, in good yellow calico and a green calai<h. As 
 she walkeil. her arms were crossed peacefully upon her chest. 
 
 'Ilowdyo, strani^'er !' Kalnled Mi-^s Sp. niter. Tlirv li:id not met in 
 a fortnight. 
 
 'Stranger your.sell',' aaswered .Miss Tea, with a siiiili; and a sigli- 
 They embraced ; the curls fell upon the bust and th(.' bust fostered 
 the curls, as only lono; tried friends can fall ujion and foster. Miss 
 Pea came to stay all night ; never had they shtpt in the same house 
 wit.hout sleeping together. 
 
 'Well, 'leorg}',' Miss Spouter remarked, sweetly, hut almost invid- 
 iously, as they were jotting into ])ed, 'figgor ia Cgger.' 
 
 'It's uo sich a lliini;,- answered Miss Pea, with tirm self denial ; 
 'it's curls, you know it's lurls.' 
 
 'No, George, its ligger.' 
 
HUMOEOXJS TALES. * 89 
 
 'Angelinc Spouter, you know it aiiil, ; its curls, aud you know its 
 curls.' • 
 
 They blew out the caiicUc, and lor a islioit time continued this 
 friendly discussion ; but soon Miss Pea g(»t the best <>f it, as u,->ral, 
 and Miss Spouter, by silence and, other si,i;iis, admittcvl that it was 
 curls. 
 
 'We've been sleeping a loii^ time togctlici, (ioor;^e.' 
 
 'Wc have that.' 
 
 'Ten years.' 
 
 'Yes, fifteen (»f "cm.' 
 
 'Gracious mc ! fifteen?' 
 
 'Yes, indeed ' 
 
 'Well, but I was but a child then.' 
 
 Miss Tea coughed. She was the elder by exactly six months. 
 
 'Did we think ten years ago that yen would now be a Pea and I a 
 Spouter ?' 
 
 'I did'nt think much about myself, but I had no idea ynu would.' 
 
 Yet so it is ; you with your figger and yet a. Pea.' 
 
 'And Avhat is worse, you with your curls and yet a Spouter.' 
 
 'No, not worse. You ought to liavc been married years ago, 
 (leorgiana Pea.' 
 
 'If I had had your curls and Iiad wanted to marry, / sInnibL a been 
 married and forgot it.' 
 
 'No, George, I never had the re(]uisite liggcr.' 
 
 'Angelinc Spouter, do hush.' 
 
 'Suppose wo had married, George ?' 
 'Well.' 
 
 'I think I could have made my liu.sbaud love me a.^ lew men have 
 ever loved, be they whomsoever they might.' 
 'Ah I every body knows that.' 
 'No, alas ! none but thee, George' 
 'Yes, but I know better.' 
 Miss Spouter again gave it uj). 
 
 'Do you reckon we would have had families, <i'eorge V 
 
 Miss Pea smothering her head imder her friend's pillow, declared 
 that she could laugh fit to kill herself.' 
 
 'I have often thought, my dear (timiv.", oiwliat 1 woul'l ihink if 1 
 had married, and had a little girl— 
 
 'With curly hair ?' 
 
 'Well — yes; I should have had uo objection. I'n I — I Imp"' Aw 
 would knve been a good child, George.' 
 
90 HTJMOfiOrS TALES. 
 
 'No doubt about that.' answered Miss Pea, with fjotiiclliin^ of ;i 
 jawn.' 
 
 'She Sihould have loved you, llcor<;;iana, and 'll y-:. 
 
 'All mine V Miss Pea seemed (n wake up 
 
 "Yes. all yours.' 
 
 'Well, if I had been marked, and if it'bftd been my h>{, I would'nt 
 a wanted it to been but one, certain, sure.' 
 
 'And that sliould have been (Jcor^iana Pea, <>vcr and over again.' 
 
 'Well, it should'nt ; he- -' 
 
 'Ho ? O, Goorgc, would y< Ml liuve had a boy .' What a fifatuiv " 
 
 'Yos, I would, Angy, <'crtiiin ; girls are a trouble' 
 
 'Init girls are so much prrtti<'r, George, — la, nv I' 
 
 'They may be prettier, but (hoy arc a trouble" 
 
 'Ho wuuld have betMi a good ihild, Gcorgy.' 
 
 'If ho Iiadnt I'd havo made him good.' Miss Pea ^poko wilh 
 dooifion. 
 
 'Oh, you LTucl croalure V 
 
 'No, I'm not cruel, Angelinc, but I bclivc in making children miud. 
 
 '."^i) do I, but I can't .see bow a woman can beat her own-t»nspring 
 to death.' Miss Spouter was indignant. 
 
 'I don't mean that ; stiH— la, Angelinc Spouter, what aic wc talkin 
 about? we havo'ut got any children, and as for nic.r shall never 
 have any myself, certain and sure !' 
 
 Miss Pea laughed heartily, but Miss Spouter sighed, and remarked 
 that it wa.s not in people to say what was to be nor what waj^'nt 
 to be.' 
 
 '(■"eorge, 1 d<j believe yon are going to sleep.' 
 
 Miss Pea declared that she was'nt, and like all persons uf her size, 
 she thought she wa.s tolKng the truth. Mis.<; Spouter had one or two 
 other remarks which .she always made nn >ii li eicasioiis. nii<l which 
 she wanted to make now.' 
 
 '(jeorgiana IVa, do you or do you n. . . .^. >.xpeci. ; • i.iuiy .' i 
 ask you candidly.' 
 
 'No, Angelinc, I don!t ; 1 may have had thoughts, I may have 
 had expectations ; pap looks as if he would go distracted if I don't 
 marry, but t<; tell you the truth, I have about come to the conclusion 
 that there's more marries now than does well. Papdechares that he 
 means to marry mo ofl' to somebody before he dies. He thinks that 
 I eould'nt take care of myself if he was to die, and that he takes 
 care of me now himself. 1 .think I'm the one that takes care of him, 
 and I think I could t ike aii good care of myself then as 1 do now. 
 He says T shall marry thoucrh, and Pm waitin to see bow it'll be. 
 But I tell you, Angeline ."^poiiter. that there's more marries now 
 than ever docs well. 
 
t 
 
 HDMOKOrS TALES- 01 
 
 'Aucl — well/ au5wcrcd Miss Spoutcr, 'uud no have I concluded 
 about it. It is the houcst expression of the genuine sentiments of 
 my innermost heart. AVliat is man ? A deceitful, vain and foolish 
 creature, who will to-day talk his honey words, and praise a girl's 
 curls, and tomorrow, he is further oli'tliau when we first laid our 
 eyes on him. What is your opinion of man, George ? What now is 
 your opinion of Tom Dyson, who used to melt before the sight ol" 
 you like butter ere the sun had sot V 
 
 'I think of Tom Dyson like I think of Barney Bolton who used to 
 praise your curls just like they were so much gold, and like I think 
 of all of 'em, and that's about as much as I think of a <^ld dead pin<> 
 tree or post oak.' 
 
 Miss Pea had not read many books like Miss Spoutcr, and must 
 necessarily, therefore, borrow her comparisons from objects familiar 
 to her country life. Miss Spouter noticed the difference, but re- 
 frained from remarking on it. 
 
 'And yet, Georgian;!, there is sometliing in me, I Icel it ;• it tells 
 me that I could h;ive made Barney Bolton much happier than M.a- 
 linda Jones has. Ba^-ncy Bolton is not happy, Georgiana Pea.' 
 
 Miss Pea only coughed. 
 
 Yes, indeed ! Alas ! I see it in his eye ; I soe it in hi,s walk ; I 
 see it in his oypry action. The image of Angeline Spouter is in hi ; 
 breast and it will stay there forever." 
 
 Miss Pea was always perfectly silent, and oiulciivnred \o feel 
 solemn when this last speech was said. 
 
 'If you were to marry, George, T should bo flu? lonr'.so.'i/cx/- cieatnrr 
 in the wide, wide world.' 
 
 'Ah, well ! when I marry, which is never going to be ilif caw, 
 (that is exceptin pap do go distracted and hunt me up a good chance) 
 you'll be married and forget it, and that little curly lieaded girl 
 will be rcadin, ritin and cypherin.'' Miss Pea yawned and laughed 
 slightly. 
 
 'Never, never I But won't you let your little boy come sometimes- 
 in a passing hour to see a lonesome girl, who once was you friend, 
 but now, alas ! abandoned V 
 
 'Angeline Spouter, do hush. 
 
 :X- *^ * :y- :y: 
 
 '(»eorgc, it is very warm to-nigh ; is it late "r" 
 'I should think it was,' answered Misa Pea, and snored. 
 Miss Spoutcr lay for some time awake, but silent. She then 
 lifted the curtain from the window through which (he moon, high 
 in heaven, shone upon the bed, withdrew from her caj) five or six 
 curls, extending them upon her snowy breast, smiled dismally, put 
 them up again, looked a moment at her compauion, then abruptly 
 turned her back to her, and wont to jsleep. 
 
(CHAPTER III. 
 
 I - aij i.ic couii ■ ' " ■ '■'.> liavo shared, 
 The sistns' \i,\\ that we have .'«penl 
 
 Wlien we luivc « . y footed tirae ' 
 
 For partitij: U6---'>, .mu is all forgot?" , 
 
 MiJsiimmer-Xight> Drcaiu. 
 
 But I'ricudb'liip, like other good tliiiij^-s, lias enemies. Ouc of the 
 most dangerous of these is a third person. These bciucs are among 
 tlic most inconvenicnf and troublesome upon earth. Not often do 
 confidential conversations take idace in a company of three, esjjecial- 
 ly eonversationp appertaining^ to friendship or love. When seuti- 
 iiieiits, hoi from the h(;ar(, has to move in triangles, it mii.sL often 
 meet with liindrance.s and euol itsi^lf bolore ilhas reached iu destina- 
 lion. As in mathentalics, between two i)oints, so in social life 
 lielween two hearts ; the shortest way is a .^itraight line. A third 
 person makes a divcr^-once and a delay. Third persons have done 
 more to separate very friends and lovers, than all the world besides. 
 Tlioy had gotten between other persons before, and now, erne of 
 Ihem had come to get between Mi.-;.s Spouter and Miss Tea. 
 
 -Vdiel Slack, some years before, had left his native Ma.ssaehusetts, 
 and from going- to and IVo upon the eartii, came in ;in evil day, and 
 put up at the inn of Jacol» Spouter. lie -was tall, deep voiced, big 
 footed, an<l the; most deliberate looking man that had ever been in 
 Diikesborough. He was one of those imj)ertiirbable Yankees that could 
 Jiaol yon when you were watching him just a.s well as when yon were 
 not. When he said that he was twenty-eight his last birth-day, his 
 fresh loftking hair, his unwi inkled ami unblii.^hiug cheek, and his 
 entire freedom from all sign:; of wear and care, made one believe 
 I hat it must be m). TI he had .s.iid Ihat he w;is lorly-'ivc, tlie gravity 
 of his conntenauce, the ileliberation of his gait, and Iht.- deep, wordly 
 wisdom of his eye woidd ha\<' m.ide one believe that he. s])()k<i truly 
 
 The mere arrival of such a persi>n in that small community, must ' 
 necessui ily ereate some stir, lie .vas greatly the most remarkable 
 om- of all the j)a>seiigers who came by that morning's stage. While 
 they :i1e thiiir breakfast willi that haste which is peeidiar to the 
 1 raveling imblic, he b)ok his tinu'. The stage went away and left 
 him at the table enling his fifth i)iseuit, while Mrs. Spouter 'a eyes 
 were lix(,'d ujmjm him with that s<,eadfast look with which .she was 
 wont Ut regard all persons who ate at her table more than she thought 
 was fair. lie look another biscuit, looked about lor more butter and 
 altemi>ted to'opcn a convereatiou with that lady ; but she was not in 
 the mood to br; coramnnicativo, so he set to the work of studying 
 h(M-. He made her out to bt; a woman of a serious turn of mind, 
 less attentive to dress thau her husbaud, but at the same time aspir- 
 ing and possibly with propriety and with success to be the head of 
 
HCMOKOTTS TALES. 93 
 
 the family. After breakfast, he stood about, sat about, picked his 
 teeth, ('with a ivoiy laucct, blamed if it were'nt,' Mr. Spoutcr said) 
 then took his hat aud strolled about the villogo all the forenoon. 
 He weut into both the stores, got acquainted with the doctor aud the 
 black Buiith, and the shoemaker, fouud and bargained ibf the rent ol' 
 a room, and at dinner, announced hltasclf a citir.en of CJi'orgia and a 
 merchant of Dukesboroug]). lu Icsti than a week, a small stock of 
 goods had arrived aud were neatly arranged in the room, over the 
 door of which, hung a sign board, painted by himself, which made 
 Mr. Boggs and Messrs-. Blnnd and Jones wish cither that they had 
 never had sign boards, or (li:it Adicl Slack, dry goods mcrch;iwt, had 
 never come there, 
 
 Being a siuglc man, Mr. Slack boarded at tlie botel of J. ISpoutcr. 
 Now, no sooner was it settled that he was to become a citizen than 
 Miss Spouter, according to ancient usage in such cascy, fidi hrrsell 
 to be yielding to the in; limis influences of yet another lnvc. Who 
 knew, she thought, tliat !hc fond dream of her life was not de«- 
 tincd now to become a bl. s ul consummation. The fact that Mr. 
 Slack had come from afar, mn'.i her sentimental soul only the more 
 hopeful. How this was so .-^Im' could not tell, but it was so, and the 
 good girl began at once to li stow the most assiduous cultivation 
 upon every charm which she i iight she possessed. Mr. Slack soon 
 began to be treated with nioi -onsideration than any of the board- 
 ers. He had within a week i <ivetl from Mr. Spoutcr's cud of the 
 table up to Mrs. Spoutcr's, an become, as it were, that lady's left 
 bower, Miss Augeline being, vi' course, her right. The hot biscuit 
 were always handed first to him, aud if anybody got a. hot waffle, it 
 was he. People used to look up towards Mr;^. Spoutcr and get oc- 
 cafdonal glimpses of little plates of fresh butter and preserves that 
 tried to hide behind tlic castors or the candlestick. When there was 
 pie, Mr. Slack was helped first, because, among other things, he was 
 the more sure of getting another piece, if the pic, as it sometimes 
 would happen, in spite of precaution, Bliould n<jt go arouiul the 
 second time. 
 
 The servants did not like him because he never gave them a kind 
 word nor a cent of money. But let any one of them omit to hand 
 the best things to him first. 0, the partiality that was shown as 
 plain as day to that man I Every body saw it, and spoke of it 
 among confidential friends. Some said it was a sin ; some said it 
 was a shame, and some went so far as to say it was both. 
 
 Among the boarders, was one whom we liave seen before. I'Vir 
 Mr. Bill Williams had now been installed in his office, and liad 
 already began to take new responsibilities. When this conduct 
 towards the new romer had become notorious, he was heard b.v 
 many persons even to swear ihat ,hc'd be dinged cf ho had bad a hot 
 
94 
 
 HTMOROrS TALES. 
 
 waffle, even vrhcn f' s, sen c that d 1 Yankee had 
 
 nicived up to old ;; ,- cend. ..\.s |. ,'n<l pict e of 
 
 jnc. lie had done gin uui ever Lcarin oi tin- like uuy luov tiiroout thr 
 .iges of a sorrowful and ontimrh- vr.irld. Hv spoke Avitli fccliii"- it 
 is true ; but he was a vici 1 Blund's store, and lie tliouglit 
 
 th:\i if In- could not take .sc " ; !i?ibilit\'. the question was who 
 < ouM 'C<jnse«|ucnses mout he coiLSCfiuencca,' 8aid Mr. Bill, 'be they 
 now (jr at some fnter day. I takes the rcsponability to say that tlio 
 rase ar a onfair, and a inipositiou on the boarders and on the tran- 
 f^hf-nt people, and it war alfio n shunic on Dukc.sl'orciugh, and a1 - 
 
 ,' Mr. jtill ehook hi.s head for the conclusion. 
 
 But in gpite of every body and every thing, Mr. Slack kept hi.s 
 place. He .soon discovered Mips SpoutcrV >yeakncs.s :fnd bcr pu.-^ 
 s'lou. F!att<.'ring' a.s it might b(; to find himself the favored object of 
 her pursuit, yet the reflection that her only capital v,a.v a head v\' 
 curls, which in time would fade, caiiscd him to determine, after making 
 lii.s calculations, that no profit was to bo netted in being caught. It 
 was not to be overlooked, however, that there would V»e, if not an 
 entire savinjx of expense, .-it least :i pi).stj)oncincnt of its payment in 
 kcRjting: his thoughts to himself and in .'-ccmingto be drawing nearer 
 and nearer the Aortex which was ready to .swallow him up. The 
 Uwnin of board at Mr, Sjioutcr's included monihly payments. Tiiese 
 did not suit calculations which were imide upon the principle of col- 
 lecting his own dues f4 once and postponing his payments as long 
 as possible, and it possible, to the end ()f time. Now, he guessed 
 that great aswere Mr. Spoutci-'s needs, that affectionate fiither would 
 not be tlie man to run the risk of driving off his daughter's suitor 
 l»y worrying him with dues f.r a little item of board, which might all 
 come back again into the family. In addition to this, he was not 
 insensible to the advantage of iiYainlainiiig his seat :it the dinner 
 tuble, where biscuits, waffles and pics, wlien tliey came at all, were 
 wont to make their first appearance. The.'^e .'Several matters, being 
 actual money to him, were not to be overlooked by a man vho did 
 nothing without deliberation. After deliberating, tlierefore, he do- 
 tcnnined to so conduct himself liefore the Spouters as to create the 
 Ijope that the time would come when he would solicit the hand of 
 lier who long had been willing to diestow it upon somebody. But 
 I.e was careful to keep his own advances and his meetings of ad- 
 vances without the pale of such contingcuccs as he had named were, 
 in the South, accustomed to follow breaches of marriage contracts. 
 He maintained his place at the table, and took what it afforded, in 
 the I KiT.ucr of a man who was very near to being one of the family. 
 He cliiTtod in a very I'amiliar manner with Mrs. Spouter, and sym- 
 pathised with her and Mr. Spouter's com^jlninfp of the high price of 
 cvcrytlluig except board, lie lounged in the parlor, where he told 
 
htjMorocs tales. * 95 
 
 to Miss Angeliuc touching- stories of his boyLood's home. He bc- 
 istowed due adiuiration upou those curls which, every time ho saw 
 them, reminded him of a portrait of his mother, (uow a saint iu 
 heaven) taken when she was a girl eighteen yeart; old. Then he ^ 
 spoke feelingly of how he had been a wanderer, and how he began 
 to think it was time he had settled himself for good ; how he harf 
 never felt exactly ready for that until since he had come to Dukes- 
 
 borongh, and that — and that— and that embarrassment would 
 
 prevent him from saying more. But whenever he got to this point, 
 and Miss Angeliue's heart would bo about to burst, and she would 
 be getting ready to cast herself upon his faithful boson, he would 
 change abruptly, bci-onv frightened, go awiiy and stay away for a 
 week. 
 
 At their first meeting at the breakfast table after such scenes, 
 Miss Spouter would appear (luitc conscious, hold herself yet straight- 
 er and endeavor to show thuL she had spirit. But before she had 
 carried it far, slic would couchide to stop where she was, go back and 
 begin again. . 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 But while these things were going on among the Sp6utors, what 
 had become of the Peas ? who ^er supposes that Miss Georgiana 
 was buried in the country, dead or alive, is simply mistaken. When 
 «he heard that there was a new store in town, she wanted to sec it ; 
 and when uncle Ben heard that it was kept 'by a bachelor, he was 
 dGtermincd that he should sec his daughter ; for as he grew oldei-, 
 lis anxiety became more intense for Georgiana (o lind some body, 
 LS ho expressed it, 'to take keei* of her when my head gits cold.' 
 Jc begged her several times to go before she was ready. 
 'Georgy, put on your 'yaller calikcr and go long.' 
 'Pap, do wait till T get ready. ' T do believe you will go distracted.' 
 Georgiana waited until she got ready, and when she did get ready 
 she went. Her plan was to go and spend the night with Miss 
 Spoutcr, and in company with her ^nsit tlie . new store the next 
 morning. 
 
 Some persons believe in presentiments, and some do not. T 
 hardly know what to think <jf such things, and have never yet made. 
 up my mind whether they are reliable or not. Sometimes they seem 
 to foreshadow coming events, and sometimes they are clearly at 
 fault, I have occasionally had dre- tt?, and snbseciuout events 
 were in such exact accordance with li i that I have been inclined 
 to accord to them much of the importance that by .some persons it 
 is maintained they have. Then, ag.iir. t ' ti reams I have liad (for I 
 liavo alway.s been a dreamer) huyc uc. t L>ntirely unreasonable, 
 
 I 
 
06 miMORore tales. 
 
 nay, abi^uid. and even ridiemlouK, an to be impossible of fulfillment. 
 For instance, I have more than onoi- dreamed that I was a woman, 
 and I have since been much amused liy (lie recollection of some vt 
 the silly things that I did and said while in that estate. I do not 
 consider this an opportune place to mention them, even if they were 
 worthy of mention on any occasion, nnd I allude to them for the 
 purpose of saying that after sucli f I reams I have been disposed to 
 reject the whole of the theory of dreams. 
 
 liut all this is neither here nor there. The divergence from my 
 ftory, though natural, cannot with ]iropriety be farther extended, 
 and I will return at once te my two heroines in whose deportment 
 immediately 8uhscqucnt to what wan last being done by them both, 
 will be found the reason why such divrrgener was made. 
 
 No sooner had Miss Spoutcr determined fully in her mind that she 
 would catch Mr. Slack if she could, than .she wa;* conscious of n 
 wavering in her friendship lor Mists I'ea ; for .she felt that that 
 person was destined to be the greatist, if not the only barrier between 
 her and the object of her pursuit. Siie, Miss .Spoutor/had seen him 
 first she thought. She had, as it were, found him, and when (leorge 
 was not even looking for any .-Jmrh jiroperty. George did not liave 
 even a shadow of the remotest claim to him. It was wrong and un- 
 kind in George to interfere. .SAie, Miss Spouter, wouldn't have 
 treated her so. Now all this was l)eforc Miss Pea had ever laid 
 eyes on Mr. Slack, and Miss Spouter knew it. That made no diflcr- 
 ence, she said to herself, if anything, it made it worse. She was 
 liuit and she could not help it. 
 
 Miss Tea might have had a presentiment of this state ol things, 
 and she might not. But at all events, when she went upon hei- 
 visit, she carried a bucket of butter as a present to Mrs. Spouter. 
 It was just before supper time, and eonsciiuently too late for her to 
 return that evening. If it had not been, as .she afterwards di-clared 
 upon her word and honor, she would have done so. The Spouters 
 were as cold as ice. Not even the bucket of butter could warm Mrs, 
 Spouter a single degree. Strange conduct for her. Miss Augeliuo 
 at first thought that she would not go in to tlie supper table, liut 
 then that would be too plain, and upon reflection, she thought she 
 proferred to be there. 
 
 Miss Pea and Mr. Slack, of courso, had to be introduced, lie 
 found her disposed to be chatty. Miss Spoutcr looked very grave; 
 and raised her pocket handkerchief to her mouth, as an occasional 
 provincialism fell from the lips of her country visitress, while her 
 dear mother, taking tlio cue, would ghmce .•'lyly at Mr. Slack and 
 snicker. 
 
 'This is oneommon good butler, Mrs. Spoutcr,' he remarked to the 
 
UL'MOKODS TA(.fc:;-. 
 
 t)7 
 
 lady of the house ; aucl oli, the quantities of buttor that man did 
 consume ! 
 
 Now, it was hqjn MIslS Pea's bucket ; tliey did not like to confess 
 it, bnt they had it to do. 
 
 'Ah ? Oh I well, Miss Pea's mother must be a noble housekeeper.' 
 Mrs. Pea had been dead several years. 
 'Ls it possible ? You, then I' 
 
 Miss Georg-iana would have told a lie if she had not acknowledged 
 that it was. 
 
 ^Ir Slack bestowed a look of intense admiration upon her whicn 
 made Miss Spouter become quite grave, and her mother somewhat 
 angry. . 
 
 After supper the gentlenum followed the ladies into the parlor. 
 Miss Spouter was pensive, ;ind complained of head-ache. Miss Pea 
 did not believe she had i(, and therefore she spoke freely of her 
 father's pliintalion, of what ho was to her and she to him, and of liow 
 he was akways urging her to get man led, a thing which she had 
 made up he^- iniud never to do. When they rt tired for the night, 
 Miss Spouter being no belter, but rather worse, they did what they 
 had nevpr done in their lives before, tli( y bh']'i npnrf. This was 
 capping the climax, and Miss Pea went home th. aext morning, 
 asking herself many times t^n tlie way, if friendship was anything 
 but a name. 
 
 It seemod to be a sad thing that these young ladies should part. 
 Hand in hand they had traveled the broad road of life, and never 
 jostled each other when men were plentiful. But these animals had 
 broken from them like so many wild cattle, some dodging and dart- 
 ing between them, some taking to by-paths, and some wildly leaping 
 over precipices, until now they were drawing nigh to the road of 
 young womanhood, and there was but one left for thcni both. If 
 they could have divided hin> it might have; been well ; but he was 
 indivisible. The fact is, ^f r. Slack ought never to have come there, 
 or he ought to have brought his twin brother with him. 
 
 'What's become of your friend V he inquired at breakfast. 
 
 '.She's gone to look after what she calls her father's plantation, I 
 reckon,' answered Mrs. Spouter, sliarply. 
 
 'Haint her father got any jdantation, then V' 
 
 'He's got a little bit of two hundred acres of tolerably jjoor land. 
 That's all the plantation Iio'n got.' 
 
 'Oh, ma I' interceded Miss Angeline, 'Georgianais a very good girl.' 
 
 ♦She may be good, but if you call her a g)\:^ I don't know what you 
 would (ftU them that's fifteen or twenty yeai.s \i.. nger ; and if «he 
 was young that wouldn't make her daddy rich.' 
 
 *0h, no' But, oh, ma!' Miss Spouter pcr.sisted in a general way, 
 for she seemed to think that this was all that could be said in her 
 
98 
 
 HL'M«i;V»rS TALK 
 
 lavor. HpoD reflectiou «be aakcd Mr. Slack if he did not think Miss 
 Pea liad a good figgcr. Then ; ho took a very small sip <»f' water, 
 wiped her moutli rarflully and coug-hcd slightly. -» 
 
 'Wall, I — ah,' began Mr. Slack, but ma laughed so immoderately 
 that he laughed too, imd did not iinish giving his opinion in words 
 Alas, for Miss Pea* Hig as she was, she was cut all to pieces and 
 salted away by Mrs. t^'p jutcr, while Miss Angclinc eonld only Ionic 
 a little reproachfully now and then, and sa/'Oh, ma !' 
 
 * * * -^ V/ * *: * :V 
 
 'Two hundred acres,' mused Mr. Slack on his bed that uight. hi 
 Massachusetts that is a considerable farm ; other property in propor- 
 tion. What would it bring in ready money if the old gentleman (hr 
 is old, certain) tihould take a notion to give it up noiv ; already .t-ouui 
 money. He brought me a fine watermelon this morning, and asked 
 me to go out and sec them all. I'm a going. Quick work, Adiet, 
 (juick work.' 
 
 Mr. Slack was a hard man to catch ; it liad been tried l/cl'on! and 
 had failed. Nevertheless, BIr.s Spouter and Miss Six)uter, about 
 six weeks later, actually caught him in the act of coming away 
 from Mr. Pea's- What juade it worse, he had a bunch of pinks in 
 his hand. The next time Misp Spouter met Miss Pea, she did iiot 
 speak to her. She only shook her curls and said to herself in words 
 which were audible, Vuch is life.' Georgiaua folded her hands over 
 her bosom and asked, if friendship was not a name, what was it ? 
 
 But the man maintained his place at the table, to which he march- 
 ed with unusual conlidence and good humor at the first meal nfter 
 his detection ; what is more, the Sttle plates maintained their places. 
 In spite of all his goings to the Pea's and his returning wif h bunches 
 of pinks in his hands, his deportment in any other respect, had mif, 
 at least for the \\oi. f, changed. Indeed, he looked ofteuor and 
 more proudly at i',- , ,irls. Yes, thought Miss Spouter, he itay 
 marry her, but the im.i-./ ,,r Augeline Spouter is in his breast, and 
 It will stay there forove'r. JUit for lior entreaties her ma would hav<- 
 removed the little plates and ^eut him back to the other end of th.- 
 tabic, where he came from. 
 
 'I'm jest the woman to do it,' she said". ''J'hat loug-logged Yan- 
 kee has cat more than his ^^•orth in butter alone. The house '11 
 lireak or Lc eat up, it makes no diflbrcnce which, and nary cent of 
 money has he paid yit. Settle hissclf, indeed 1 He'll never settle 
 hie nasty self cxcipt whar tiiar's money, or everlasthi butter, and 
 he not to pay for it neither. And I'll u': >ve them plates ty-morro 
 mornin, if 1 don't yim may ' 
 
 'Oh, ma! he don't love her, 1 know he donl. l-et them Mtay a 
 while longer.' 
 
HUMOROUS TALES. 00 
 
 Aud the next mbrniug the little plates would come ia, H^ko their 
 places and look as cheerful as if nothing- had happened. 
 
 Mr. Slack, did a cash Inisincss. Time rolled on ; the faster it 
 rolled the cheaper ho sold. His stock dwindled, and everybody' 
 asked wh}' it was not being replenished. It began to bo rumored 
 that he was goin^ to buy a plantation and settle himself. The ru- 
 mor was traced to uncle Ben Pea, Miss Georgiana was asked 
 about it and became confused. ^ 
 
 '^e .}4st as well a give it up,' said Mr. Bill Williams, at Mr. 
 Spouter's table. Mr. Bill was gradually edging' up towards '({uality 
 eend' as he termed the head, 'In fac, she did give it up farly. 1 
 axed her a plain question ; she couldn't say nothin, and she didn't. 
 She merrily hung- her head upon lier brcs, aud she seem monsous 
 comfortubble. !She ar evidenly scogitattin on the blessed joys of a 
 futur state' 
 
 The next morning*, tb^^ "'tie plates were absent, and Mr. Slack, 
 without seeming to not' that Mr. Bill Williams had usurped his 
 place, took his seat by I' . pouter and talked Xvith him in the man- 
 ner of a man who hri-; • 'ea on a jojirney of some weeks and had 
 now returned. -Tliat go. ioraan did not seem to be at all congratu- 
 latory on the occasion, but immediately a^*-er. breakfast brought 
 within view of his guest an amount for three months' board. Tho 
 latter looked over it careful!; , renarked that ho thought it was cor- 
 rect, bogged that it m"ght he considered as cash, and walked away. 
 This was an eventful day to Mr. Slack, for b«shles the aforemen- 
 tioned incident, ho sold out tho remainder of his stock to Messrs. 
 Bland and Jones, went without his dinner, borrowed a gig from the 
 .Tustici! of the Peace, took him along with him to Mr* Pea's, wlun-o, 
 nt three o'clock P. M. he was married to Mi.ss Greorgiana. 
 
 'Wvetched creature !' exclaimed Angelina, the forsaken, wiien 
 Iter mother inlormed her of the news at night. At first she thought 
 she would faint ; but she did not. She i-etired to her room, undress- 
 ed, looked at her curls in the glass, even longer than was her wont, 
 put them away tenderly, got into bed, aposti'ophiscd property and 
 the other .sordid things of this world, and went to sleep with this 
 thought upoit her mind : 'Georgiana Pea may be by his side, bu( 
 the Ullage of Anpcline Spoufpr is in his breast, and it will stay there 
 forever 
 
 ClIAPTEK V. 
 
 ' not joiiKKl by Heaven?'' 
 
 FairPeniloiii. 
 
 (ieorgiaua was married and her father wa,«i satisfied. It was whai 
 h9 had wished > ir,r,r.. ijme. The danger ot going distracted was 
 
100 HUMOKOLb TALES. 
 
 over, lie would have preferred a Southeru uiau, it is true, but all 
 of tliaL class had discovered such ;i wajit to appeciate his Georgy 
 tliat be persuaded himself that she had made a narrow escape iu not 
 marrying one of them. Mr. Slack had some \viiyii (jf doing and talk- 
 ing that he did not quite understand ; but lie believed that they 
 would wear off. Georgy now had a husband to take care of her 
 when his head got cold, and that war enough. She did not seeui 
 to be perfectly happy^ but, on the contrary, somewhat ill at ease. 
 But then she wasn't any young thing to let getting married run her 
 raving distracted. He liked Mr. Slack upon the whole ; he suitetl 
 him well enough, and that is what parents generally care mostly 
 for. He wa.s a busincs-s man, that's what he wau. He talked upon 
 business even on the afternoon of liis marriage, and roiewed the 
 .subject after sui)per and the next morning. One would have thought, 
 to liear him talk about bnsiiess, th:' t! o honey moon had shone out 
 and gone down long agix It did ; .. look exactly' riglit ; but now, 
 that Mr. Slack was a married m;.: . iic was for making something. 
 If /ic; owned tlic farm, he .should do iJiis thing and that thiug, sell 
 this piece of property and convert it ii.to cash ; in short, he should 
 sell out the \phole concern and go where land was cheaper and bet- 
 ter. If it were left to him he shovld turn it over, so that in twelve 
 months it should be worth at !(;;i' wicc as much as it was now. It 
 was Vt.ry clear to uncle Ben that hi.s son-in-law was a bu.^iness man ; 
 still, he did not make oui thj title deetls. Notwithstanding his 
 hints to that eflect hm c tofore, he had never entertained tho slightest 
 notion of such a thing. When Mr. Slock persisted in saying what 
 ho should do if he were the ownoi', the old gentleman took occasion 
 to say, but in a somewhat jocose way, that ho and <ieorgy would 
 have to wait lor that until his head got cold, which, he said by wa3' 
 of consohng loi- tin; disappointment, wouldn't be ranch longer. Thi.s 
 was only a day or two after the marriage. Mr. Slack seemed to be 
 somewhat hurt, but lie merely remarked that hn had a plenty to live 
 on, and that all he wanted with ])ropcrty was (or Tieorgiana to enjoy 
 it. He had money enough to buy a tract ol' land adjoining Mr. idea's 
 and two or three fellows. If (Jeor/iiana had a good house woman it 
 would save her from a gooil deal vf work whiclx now, since .sho was 
 his wife, he would rather she didn't have to <Io • but — ah —he sup- 
 posed he should have to wait for that. 
 
 Yes, but he needn't to do any. such, thing, Mr. I'ea stoutly main- 
 tained. Those being Mr. Slack'.s intentions the 'oman should be 
 bought. The money was there in that side-board drawer whenever 
 they found one to .suit them. He should buy the 'oman himself. 
 The Ron-iudaw's countenance brightened a little. He might have to 
 go to Augusta in a few days ; the likeliest gangs were there gen- 
 erally, and it might suit juat as well to take the money along with 
 
miMOROtlS TALES. 101 
 
 him and buy the woman there. Georgiana didn't say anything ; but 
 la me, what did she know about business ? 
 
 Mr. Slack sent into the village every day for the mail, for Dukes- 
 borough being- immediately on the great line of travel, had its daily 
 inail. Ho had been married less than a week, when, one morning 
 a letter was brought to him which made him turn a little pale. 
 Upon his father-in-law's incjuiry from whence it came, he answered 
 after a moment's hesitation, that it was from a man who owed him 
 some money, and who had writtcu to say that if he would meet him 
 the next day in Augusta, he would pay him a hundred dollars and 
 renew the note. A hundred dollars indeed I The rascal had prom- 
 ised to pay half the note, and now as'ho wa.s about settling himsell 
 he was to be put oil: with a hundred dollars- He had a good mind 
 not to go and v. ould not bnt for the importance of having the note 
 renewred. l^ut could he j^et there in time ? How was that Mr. Pea 'i 
 Why, it was easy enough ; the stage would pass in a couple of hours, 
 und as it traveled all night, he could reach Augusta by nine o'clock 
 the next morning. Mr. Slack hesitated. He was loth to go so soon 
 after being- married, but as he had expected to go in a few days any 
 how, he guessed he had as well to go on at once, especially as ne- 
 groes seemed to be rising in price, and it was important to get the 
 woman as soon as possible. Certainly business was business, if 
 people were married. Mr. Slack ought to go at once ; he should if it 
 was him. 
 
 Uncle lien took out the money, and Georgiana ordered luucli. 
 Mr. Slack had ro often complained of the old gentleman's time piece, 
 that the latter, upon his entreaties to be allowed to take it with him 
 for repairs (at no expense to the owner of course) consented. The 
 man of business then went to packing his trunk and satchel. Al- 
 though he was to stay but three days at furthest, yet, not knowing 
 but that he might need them, he packed in all his clothes, looking 
 about all over the house to be sure that he had n()t mislaid anything. 
 
 It was a nice lunch. It oughf to have been, for it took along- 
 time to be gotten ready. Mr. Slack was not sure that he was going 
 to get his supper, and he therefore determined to put away enough 
 to last him to the end of his journey. He had barely finished when 
 the servant, who had been stationed to watch for the stage, announc- 
 ed that it was coming. He bade both an aftcctionate adieu, looked 
 inio the stage to sec if there was any person in it whom he knew, 
 didn't seem to be disappointed that there was not, hopped in, and 
 oflF he went. 
 
 Far from pining on account of the absence of her mate, Georgiana. 
 sensible woman that she was, went about her wo^-k as cheerfully as 
 if nothing had happened. She liad been so taken up with Ur. Slack 
 that several small domestic maeters needed to be put to rights again, 
 
102 HUMOEOUb TALES. 
 
 aud she c-eemed to be even glad of the opportuai^ to iqok alter them. She ac- 
 (ually suug at lier work— she wab a gooil eiii£;eii» toy. The Pens always had 
 [yi'cn; I knew the Jamily we'l. ishc wasiit paiiip to Jret licrself to death, cer- 
 inin and sure. So fslie resumed her old tasl i , moved things liack to 
 
 iheiroM p]ac(*s, :ni<l. in ovorr i. •>!;.■. ■!. .lid ; ' f-"" ■ '"it1<'ii tlrU slif^ bn<l 
 
 ( vcr been manied. 
 
 TTncle Ben Wa;' gluJ lu .-it in : iJi .-uvu ^a_y .-pjm'. in. i.m .> wiiai 11 »\.(.- all 
 
 for, and he laughed inwardly and became gay liiniself. It wiis that nigger 
 'umau. 'J'ho old man eoanled ten day,s aud ui^ht. As inucb as he wanted tu 
 .sec Mr. Slack, lie wanted yet more to see his . watoh ; without it he felt like a 
 man without a newly amputated leg. Bnt that he would not allow to trouble 
 him very much. He talked a threat deal, espct-ially at meal times about his 
 (ieorgy'.s prospects, joked hcrulioat many things, talked of the prospects again 
 ;ind what he and Mr. Slack were going to do lo make her the happiest woman 
 in the world. Georgiana never suggested anyclnni.^c nfilifir i.1;;n \ and Innkid 
 lis if she intended to be but clay in their bands. 
 
 Tlirecdayspafirred. .Mr. Slack's very longest tiiue waa ouL 1 lie .stHj^e liov*' 
 in view ; Mr. Pea was at his gate, Ms hat was in his hand. 
 
 Good mornin, undo Ben/ 6ai3 the driver, and was passing on. 
 'Mellol hello, Thompson,' shouted the old man. Thompson drew up 
 » 'llaiut you irol ]\Ir. Slack idxiard .' 
 •No, Sir I" 
 
 'Haint you got a ni;;i;i i miiah ; 
 •No, sir.' 
 
 'Whav's Mr. Slack V 
 'I don't know.' 
 'ilaint you soQd him V 
 ♦Xo, sir.' 
 
 'ilaint you hcaiu (if him '^' * 
 
 'No, sir.' 
 
 'Why, wlfut upon yearth does it mean ''. 
 
 Mr. Slack didn't go to nary tavern, but got ofi at a privit 'ouae way uj) town. 
 1 haint seed him nor heernfrom him scncP. Was he to get back to-night ?' 
 'Why, yes, certain and sure without fail.' 
 VWli, he uint here, certin. Good evenin.' 
 
 '■ f" haint como. dV or"v." <-'p.id iiiifli^ Ri-'ii. :m Im wpid inlo f!ir Imnqp 
 •ila-n'tbe?' 
 •Why, no. he ham i 
 ■Well, we nrast Irjr r.iid v.Tvit till be do^ i i ^ 
 
HtfMOEOCS TALES. 103 
 
 Uncle Ben wcs too much occupied with his own disappointment to observe 
 the equanimity with which (ieorgy bore here. It was now bed lime; the 
 daughter went to her room, the father sat up at least halCan hour longer than 
 Mfcual. JiE was disappointed, certaiu and siiro. When people told people they 
 were coming at a certain time, he wanted 'eiu to come ; especially when thoy 
 had people's watches. Oh, how he had missed it ! If he had missed it by day 
 he had missed it as much by night. It used to hang by a nail over his bed, and 
 he longed for the gentle lullaby of its tickings, lie had to go to bed, of course, 
 but he lay awake another half an hour. A dreadfjjl thought came : What if 
 Mr. Slaek, after all, was an uiPosTERKii I Oh, ho couldn't bear it. So he 
 turned over and went to sleep ; but it woul.ln t stay behind, it crawled over and 
 came close to him in his sleep, and he dreamed that he was the owner of a 
 ^ jcwclcv's shop, and that while he liad n,) power to move, thieves were breaking 
 (h)"ough and stealing. 
 
 The next morning, immediately after breaklast,imclo Bcu stood at his gate 
 lie had a notion that Mr. Slack wa.s coming in a private conveyance. Sure 
 enough, yonder came a gig with a man in it and a horse bekind with some- 
 thing on the horse. Uncle Ben's eyes Avere dim, and he couldn't make it out ■ 
 but he hoped and believed that it was a nigger 'oman. Vain hope and vain' 
 belief! The gig carried Mr. Triplet, the dmjuty Shcrifl; and the horse bore 
 Mr. Packet, a young lawyer from town. Uncle Ben liad no business with 
 (hem, certain and .sure; so he bade them a good morning, as they came up 
 and again turned his eyes up the road. But the gentlemen stopped and 
 ^nqun-cd if Mr. Slack was at home. No, but Mr. Ra looked for him every 
 instant. He had been gone to Augusfy three days. ;n.,l was to a been back 
 last night, but he didn't. 
 
 Mr. Triplet looked upon Mr, PuckcL and sn^ilcd ; Mr. Tucket looked upon 
 Triplet, but did not smile. 
 'You must follow him.' 
 
 There must some foller him that kin run !■,-,„.,• d,,,,, t kin ; answorod Mr 
 Triplet. 
 
 'Foller who V a^ked Mr. Pen. 
 ^[r. Slack.' 
 
 •Why he'll be here tu-n.ght. Or 1 11 bn boundj.es in a private conveyance 
 and 11 be here this mornin, Tn cose he's comin back; becase he's got four 
 hundred dollars of my money to buy a nigger 'oman with, and ray watch be- 
 sides. In cose he's comin bark." 
 
 ♦ 
 
 Mr. Triplet looked upon Mr. Pea and smiled compassionately Mr. ppu 
 .looked upon Mr. Triplet and frowned Ihrenfningly. 
 
104 uriiOEori tales. 
 
 ^Vhat■& the matter, Jim TripUt .. 
 
 The mailer ar, Ihat you won't r.e«' your four liundrcd dollars agin, nor your 
 watch, nor the gentleman what c.irricd 'cm off." 
 
 •Why, what upon yairth is yuu talkin about . 
 
 'I ar lalkin about the husinoKs of my uflSoc, whicli '. Mr Adial 
 
 Slaik, ur Mr. Elisha Luvcjoy. or Mr. Ephraini liamliii, <t wimt inou* hf lh« 
 name of the gp.ntlnnan tliat carrieil off yon r tniir hnn<hr'1 dollai;; and ynm 
 watch.' 
 
 •'Don't kick before yuu le tpuircd, Triplet, I'tcujf ui'li .. . ., ..ccuu-d iiin' 
 
 of takin the money and watch — least wjiys of steal in il. Mr. Slack is a hone- 
 man and my son-in-law. and T Ifll ytN'i he'll be Jjack to-uiglit. and 1 Kx>k foi 
 liim every niinit of the day.' 
 
 .So much the better fur us if he do come. I has not tome to arresii liim fi'i 
 taking of the money and the watch, which is misdemeanors tliat I didu i 
 know of tell now. But he h charge of oblainin credit by falpc pretension.'^, ol 
 fitealin divers monrj-, of trndin with nigger?, and finally, with marryin (hrr- 
 wimming, and not waitin for nary one of "em to die fust.' 
 
 'Oh, Lordy!* exclaimed Mr. Pea. He then a})proachal tlio bherift". and ii' 
 a tone which invited candor and confidence, and even hinted at gratitude, said, 
 
 '.fooms Triplet. I voted for yon, yon know 1 did; I always lins. Ar whai 
 you Hay a fac ?' • 
 
 'I know yuu did, uncle lien, and 1 (cU you tlie plain trutli, it ar a far 
 Tliay aint no doubt about it. Mv. Tucket here can tdl you all about it." 
 
 Mr. Pea, without waiting to hear further, turned and got into the Jiousc a. 
 fast a.s he could, lie went into a .shed room with unconnaon desperation for 
 a man of his years, and raised his hands in onlcr to take down a shot gun 
 1 lom two forks on which it u.sed to hang. Tho forks were there, but the gun 
 wjw; gone. 'He lo(jkcd at the forks with the most resentful astonishment, anil 
 with a voice towering witli pa«sion. asked them what in the name of thunder 
 had Ix'come of his gun? Not receiving any answer, he put llie same inter- 
 rogatory to the corner behind the door, to the space under the bed, and oven 
 to two small glass drftwers, after opening and shutting them uith great vio- 
 lence. He then Van back to the front door and questioned the whole universe 
 on the subject. 
 
 'RoiiREu! nonuKu!!' roared the old man. 'Gen-tul-nKu, ef 1 aint robijcd. 
 
 .' Mr. Pea had not 'cussed' before (as he afterwards declared upon Kv 
 
 >\ard and honor) in twenty years. 
 
 'Georgy! Where's Geurgy V' It just now occurred to him tin i ii w.m pus. 
 .sibh'that Geofgy might not like the state of thing-; bei^cll". 
 
HUMOKOCti TALL*. 105 
 
 (jiooigiuiui had liofii at the dany. supciiutcndiiiL; lior Initlcr. She Iiad seen 
 the men as tliey came, had gono into (ho house as quietly as slio could and 
 was peeping and listening thTOUi!;li (lie wLudw of hor own room. 
 
 'Pap,' she said, not loudly, but earnestly, 'do conm hero, if you plcat-c' 
 
 lie went into her room. 
 
 '1 reckon now yoii're satisfied. Mc':^ gotr what he came hei;e for; he's stole 
 from yott, iuul he's stole from me ; I haint a pocket handkerchief to my name- 
 Uut do, for goodness' sake, go and send them men aAvay." 
 
 'Oh, Lordy!' reiterated Mr. Pea, retiring. 'fJen-tul-men, its no use, we 
 are cotcht ; Georgy and me has botli been cotcht — I aclcnowlcdge the corn ; 
 and what is worser, it seem that I am the cause of it all. Ho have took my 
 money, he laave took my watch, he have took my guu, ami ila-ing his low 
 life skin, ho have even took Georgy's pocket handkercliiefs. il seem like he 
 jest picked me and Georgy out fur all liis rascalities. ;\nd to tliink that I 
 should be ensed for it all. 1 did want her to maVry. It look like a pity for 
 lier not (o git married. And uow she is married, and what have she married? 
 A nasty, da-dbla.sted thievious Yankee, and aint even married at thai. She is 
 n^rried and she aint married; and I don't understand it; and ef (here's 
 eonchekenclus, thay aint nobody can tell what it will be; and Georgy's name 
 will go down to ]iov;t,.v;( V nivl the Pons wont Iv ivbodv any more; and— 0)i, 
 Lordyl" 
 
 'Pap, ilo lor i^ooduess gracious' .sake, hubh ami come in tlie iiouse,' .s;iiiJ 
 Lieorgiana, advancing to the front door. 'The Lord knows I'm glad I aiul 
 married ; and if 'them other women don't grieve after him any more than 1 
 grieve after him. th^y'vp dono forgot him. that's nil. Pap, do come in (lip 
 house.' 
 
 Mr. Pea suli.siiled, and I hi- men rode away. Mr. Pucket l)eggeJ Mr. Trip- ' 
 let to hnsten. but the latter, who wa.s too old to be, rinniintc f'l nothiu,'^ (]>•- 
 rlared,in round terms that he'd be dinged cf he did. 
 
 I wouldn't a made niy.self ridiculou.s, Pap, before eonijiany, il Id a iieeii fu 
 your place. That w.<is pretty talk lo have before men. and I in the house 
 hearin every word.' 
 
 Mr. Pea, hpiiring lum.seir accused of a new eiime, couMiit .stand if.' 
 
 I do believe that if old Saton was tn come, it would be me tliat fotch him, 
 ni le.i«tways sent for Viim, and I'd nn leave ho liad a come a,"* that d-adblasled 
 Yankee. Yes, its iVie, in cose its me. Anything wrong, I done it ; tili.'Ves. 
 in cose, certing. Whar's my h.atV And the good laan .sallied forth to liis 
 field, where he remained until dinner time. Tliere were so many contending, 
 emotions in his breast that he ate in silence. Georgiana had a f^ootl ai»petl*e : 
 she ate av^y with a gii3to and eyed her father amusedly. 
 
10f» HUMOKOUS TALEb. 
 
 Tap, if I'll IcU you eomething will you swciu you'll keep ii . 
 
 I'ncle Bell laid down his knilc and fork and gazed at ber in amazeuicni . 
 
 Wipe your mouth. Pap, aiui toll nio if you'll h'vcar. 
 
 What is if." he dsniauded aiithoritiitively. 
 
 Will you hwcar, 1 a^kcd you'.'' 
 •That's? a mighty iHxtty tjue-stiou for a child to ask its jjarciii 
 
 Oh, very well.' And she helped hersrlf Mjaiu from lirr i uoiitr .1; ;, 
 Won't you have some more, pap V 
 •Georgy, what does you moan V 
 'Will you swear'.'' 
 
 'No, I WONT.' 
 
 •Oh, very well then. And .-jlie j)cpiiored and saitcti. 
 Well, I never 'spected to come to thi.s wliile ray head w.is hot. My owu 
 child, that I've raised, and raised respectable, to be settiu thar, at my own 
 table, a axin her own parrcnt to swar, jist the same as cf I was gwine infn .1 
 Free Mason's lodge, which she knows I don't hold with no sich.' 
 
 'I'ap, I've hcafd you often talkin again.st the Free Vasons. I never tlioupli 
 they were so mighty bad. ^^^lat do Ihej- do that is so awfnl bad?' 
 
 'You don't do you? No, 1 .suppose yon don't; in rose yon don't, laW 
 nrter them as you do, in cose you don't.' 
 
 'How do I take^after 'em ?' 
 
 •In havin o' secrets that's n .sin to keep, and in tryin to make jKiiplc .sw.t: 
 that they won't tell 'em. ;rnd n<4 even to tlieir own p;irrrn1<;. Tint", how yon 
 Hre takiii artir them. 
 
 'Oh, yes, I .set! now,' she said, appearing to niURe. '.Siiil tliis is isouiclhing 
 that I couldn't tell without your KweariuR not to mention In a blessed soul, 
 its wortli swearin for, pap.' 
 
 •Ar it anything conccrniuR t''"'' •>"" oi nmnuiv Vinlcii • 
 If it is will yoti swear ?' 
 
 'Yes, I WILL, and cu^ 1 want nir. I'vl- lici-ii a cussin to myself 
 
 jH day any how.' 
 
 •You've cuB.sed t<y otlier people besideB yourself, but 1 '-nly want you to 
 swear.' ^ 
 
 She brought the family Biblf. 
 
 'L;i, Georgy, is you in ycarnent sure enouSh V Wby, what tlo you mean ? 
 
 Y(M aiiit no Jesticc.' 
 
 '> 
 
 It made no difference ; she made him place his h:ind on the book anil swear 
 
 that lie would never reveal wlu'iL ^lie wos going to tell him wthout her con- 
 
 E«nt Undt Ben was very fiolemn while the oath was being adminbtered. 
 
 
HtTMOROTTB TALES. 107 
 
 It required several minutes to iiftpart the sccvel. "The old man's joy was 
 boundlcys. He jumped up and ran into his own room, where he cut up more 
 capers than any ono couM have believed that he could cut up ; he ran back 
 ;if:;aiti, made (rcorgiana rise from the table, hugged her, and made her sit down 
 again; lie ru.shc<l lo Ihe front door and huzzaed io (lie ttulcr world; he rushed 
 back again and hugged Gcorgy as .sh(! sa(. Then he took his seat again and 
 looked upon her with ineffable admiralion, Huddcidy he grew serious. 
 
 , *0h, Georgy' no if I only had " 
 
 B efore he could speak' further she lakeii wmcthing from her bosom, and 
 handed it to him. He seized it witji both hands, gazed at it, held it at arm's 
 length and gazed at it. opened and looked into it, shut it up again, held it for 
 a moment to his car. }>atted it gently, laid it on the table, then lifted up hi« 
 voice' and woiif. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 "I giiini. I iiui a woman." 
 
 Julias Cwsar. 
 
 When tlie new.', ul Mr. f^iack's escapade reached Dukcsborough, there wa 
 running to and fro; business was suspended. Some asked if the like had 
 rvcr been heard o). Others asked every body if thVy hadn't told him s(.). .1. 
 Spoutcr was among the former, and Mr. Bill Williams among the latter. He 
 got leave of absence from the store in order to rojm up and down all the 
 foraioon, for the purpose of proving that he had prophesied what had taken 
 l)lace or its equivalent. He was delighted. My observation is that almost 
 everybody isj by the verification of a prophecy, which he has ufade, or which 
 lie thinks he has made. Miss Spouter tried to laugh, but she didn't make 
 much ont of it. Mrs. Spouter dichi't laugh at all. How could sJic when she 
 remembered the plates of butter that had been consumed not only without 
 thanks but without pay ? She did all the talking in the domestic circle. >Ir. 
 Spouter seemed inclined to be taciturn. He merely remarked that he had 
 never been so oiited in his bom days, and then shut, up. But, the«. Mr. 
 Spouter never had much tx) ."^ay when Mrs. Spouter had the floor; If how- 
 ever, he had had the floor now, there was nothing for him to say. He had 
 not sued his' debtor Init for reasons other than the being a merciful creditor. 
 He wa,s not us«tl to such things. Indeed. <he very word suit was, and had 
 long been, disagreeable to his ear. So much so. that he had never gone; into 
 court of his own accord. It was one of his l>oasts, in comparing himself with 
 some others, that he had never been plaintiff in an artion, and never expected 
 to be. He nlway.^ discouraged }wople from noing to law, maintaining tli.ii 
 people never £ofr much by going there, a remark that waa true, whou con- 
 
, 108 HUMOROrS TALES. . 
 
 finrd in ite application (6 (h«sc ulu> hat] gnle tiiciv, carrying him with them 
 Yrf, Mr. Spoitlor scMoni hipt n l>il1. It wait alu-:iysa wonder l«» nu- how 
 nipidly pcrwiis in liis ci>n(Htion < miKl coiloot their hills. But this lime Mr. 
 Spuuter, ;!s he Mid, was otitwl. As ho didn't roliish "Mr. Rill Williams' ji>k», 
 
 and a.s Mrs. Si...iit.r <li.ln"f •.,.,! ,1 1,.^ . :.; Mi-- '^»>..'>t. >• Ji.ln't M, \\ W. had 
 (o suspend. 
 
 Wk'T Mr. rii«kcl I Ills uiiinl li:ul Imn t-xl u\'^'n a Ice; Ijul a.-, no «.'nc could 
 be I'diuid who could run fa.'-lar Ihiin Mr. Tripht. ami a.s llic fugitive had f^ottij^i 
 three days' start, there wa.s no pursuit. Nunc hut a hricflosjs hvwyor can 
 iina;L;inchow hadly Mr. I'uckct Wit. 
 
 '.Vnd so she isn't liiarritnl after all !' said Miss 8poutcr to hcrscll', when'^lit! 
 was alone in her chamber th;it iiif^ht. 'Not luarrictl after all ; no more tliaii 
 1 am. Yes. 1 suppose more than I am, because she thought she was manioib 
 and I KXKw 1 wasn't. That makes some diflerancc; and then — and then 
 
 ,' but it was t<x> wonderful for Miss Spoulor, she couldn't make it out. So 
 
 she only said, 'Oil, 1 wonder how she feels!' 
 
 Now, there was but one way to get the desired inlormation, and that was 
 to sec her ;uid hear it from her own mouth. To most persons that way would 
 seem tube baiTod, becjiusc the hu5t ticnc the two hulies met, Miss Spoulra* had 
 refusud to speak. But it did not .seem *> to her; slic would herself remove 
 .dl obstacles: yiiii would foboivk (jKORCiK! Yes, that she woidd. Wasn't 
 it noble to forgive ? Didn't t ha Bililo tcaeh us to forgive? Ye-s, she would 
 forgive. What a glory overspread the heart of the iujuretl wJien. in that ton, 
 dcr Ojouieut, iihc found she could forgive. She wished now that she luul gone 
 (o Gcorgiaiia to-day; she would go to-niorrnw. Malice should never have an 
 abiding place in that heart. It might have it in other people's lierrls, but it 
 never should Iwvc it in that one. She laid herself calmly and sweetly upon 
 her bed, and was forcibly reminded, as she thought of her.sclf and her cunducl. 
 of the beauty and the serenity of a summer's evening. 
 
 (•IIAITKR VI 1. 
 
 "In iliat same place tliou hast Miipoiiitcil me 
 To-morrow Inily will I meet with Mice.'' 
 
 Midsunnuor Niglit'a Kri mn. 
 
 .Mr. I'tM writheil and dialed under his oath. He bogged his Georgy to iel 
 him t«ll somebody. Ife swore another oath that lie aUould die if he diiln'l. 
 He did tell it there in the house several times to imaginary auditors, after 
 hx)king out of the iloors and windows to see if no real ones wt;ro near. Kven 
 wlien he was out of doors, he went all about whispering <^xcitedly to himself, 
 occasionally laughing most tumiilttiously. Geori^iana became uneasy. 
 
> HUMOKbDS TALES. 100 
 
 Tap, are you going to run dibtraclcd again V 
 
 'Georgy, ef I don't believe I am I'll you may kill mc' 
 
 Georgiana had to yield. She wished to'sccMr, Spouter upon a little'niaUor 
 of business connected with Mr. Slack, and she concluded to consent for him to 
 be sent for and her Ailher to inform him of what she saw he must inevitably 
 tell somebody. The old man was extremely thankful, but he wanted to make 
 t request. 
 
 'Georgy, you must let me send for Triplet. I've got a good joke on Trip- 
 let, a powerful joke on him. And he's a officer, Georgy, too,' he added, se- 
 riously. 
 
 'Triplet is a officer. This ease, an' a leetlc more, im' it v.'ould a got into 
 ooto ; an' as Triplet ar' a officer, he ought to be hero in cose.' 
 
 Georgiana consented on hearmg this last argument. But she expressly en- 
 joined upon her father, that at any period of his disclosures, when she called 
 upon him to stop, he liad to do it. He promised to obey, and the servant 
 was sent into Dukesborough with the request that Messrs. Spouter & Triplet 
 should come out the next morning on particular business. Georgiana knew 
 fully what she, who was her friend but now, alas, abandoned, wa.s thinkiii!; 
 about, and therefore she was included in the summons. 
 
 Early the next morning the party arrived. Miss Spouter alighted in great 
 agitation, rushed through the front room into Georgiana's who was there 
 waiting for what she knew was to jiappen, looked all around as if she was ex- 
 ])ecting to find somebody besides Georgiana, fell tipon her in the old way 
 pronounced her pardon, and then demanded to be told all about it. Oh, my! 
 i )readful ! Did ever ! Vain and foolish man ! IIo\V did Georgiana feel ! 
 
 Georgiana led h(jf into her father's room, which also served for the parlor. 
 She was surpri.sed i>nd annoyed to find Mr. Pucket there wid' the other gen- 
 tlemen. Mr, Pucket liatl, .someliow, gotten the wind of it, and said to himself 
 that he didn't know ^vh^t might hapjien. lie had been told by an old lawyer 
 that the only way for a young man to succeed at the bar was to push himself 
 forward. So lie determined to go, ruid he went. Uncle Ben was glad of it. 
 lie was going, for the first time in his life, to make a speech, and he wished as 
 large an audienee as possible. No, no; in cose there wern't no intrusion, a!i<l 
 IK) nothin of the sort, nor nofhiii else. 
 Georgiana sat very near lier father. 
 Then he opened his mouth and began ; 
 
 'You see, gentul-men, it was all ray fault, from the fust. After Georgy 
 ;eed him pbe dichi't think much of him. She said she didn't keer aljout mar- 
 ryin no how, and cf sho did, she wanted it to be to a Southering man. But I 
 
11<' HUMORQCS TALE-. 
 
 and him too, wo overpersuadcd hci. llo'teoeiurd to think bu much ot me au^i 
 her loo ; and he had a store, and 'pcarcd like a man well to do. And I di«i 
 wan^ to sec my only daughter settle herself. The fcclin is iiat'ral, as you know 
 yourself, Mr. Spouter: all parrcnts that hat; daughterp. has 'cm, ain't it s'"'. 
 Mr. SpouterV ▼* 
 
 Mr. Spoutcr awsweml rather by his manner than in words. MiKs Spoutn 
 hccamc confused, and didn't look at Mr. Pucket when he coughed, althftigli 
 lie was a marrieil man. Mr. Triplet had s<'oii s'liiiewhat of lif.- in liis tinw 
 still he took a chew of t jbacco. 
 
 'Go on, pap,' said Grorgiana. 
 
 'Yes; w*ll, you sec, gcntulmcu, sicli it war — any ho\» they got marrieti 
 Gcorgy said when she gin her consent, she gin it to keep mc from rmmin dis- 
 tractcd, as it did 'pear likf 1 war. llowbcever, I ar clean out o' that now. 
 Circumanccs is altered powerful, Well, as I said, any how they got marrie<l 
 — that is, they didn't git m;irried, because he were alroad}- married and tha,\ 
 warn't no law for it, as you know yourself, Mr. Pucket, they warn't. But — 
 ah — leastways they went thron the — ah — the motions and the — ah — gittm out, 
 lisens, and the — ah — stannin up in the floor and jiniu o' hands, and he wm*- 
 hero to live. Well now, don't you b'Icevc that Georgy, she spishonod lum 
 from th« very fust day: for mt sonnor were he married hardly, than he besan 
 to reach Ijehind every nuke auii cnrner about here, ami before night, Ncsk your 
 Roul,- he knowcd morc about whar things was in this house than I di<l. Least- 
 ways, Georgj' says .so, and its oblecged to be so; for tliere's things, many o I 
 'em in this housf; that I don't know whar Ihay are.' And Mr. Pea looked 
 "iiround and .above, taking as big a view as if be were surveying the wbolr 
 universe. 
 
 'Well, Geoq;^-, she ami he fuk a uall: that fust evenflj. Instid ol" talkin 
 along like tother folks tbat'.s jest got married, ho went right straight to talkin 
 idjout settlin hisself, and put at her to begin right away to git all she could 
 out'n me ; which, (ieorgy, she didn't like no sich, and no body wouldn't a 
 likedjt that thought anything of herself. You wouldn't, Aufflinr Spontor. 
 .you know you wouldn't, the very fust day you was married.' 
 
 'Go on, jia]», please.' 
 
 'Yes, well, Georgy spishuned liiiu agin at supper, from the way he looked 
 at the Bpoonti on the table ; which ef they had a been the genuine silver, (hej- 
 
 wouhUlit a l)een in this hou.se now, to my opinion, proMy, Icastway.s, ef , 
 
 uucle Ben smiled and concluded to postpone the balance of this sentence, 
 
 'Well, you set', Georgy Ann, arter supper, ^h8 got sick, the did, and sh« 
 hilt on to her head powerful. lu cot3e bed time, hit had to come arter a while, 
 
 1 
 
HCM0R0\JB TALLo. Ill 
 
 when hit did couic, she weio wussor, ajid she givo Lhal; IcUct :i candle lo g(j 
 long to bed by hisself . When she weiib to bed, I tlipught she was a goiu on 
 in thar in cose, like 'tothcr married people ; but she,,instid o' that, she weni 
 on thoo into the little jiuin back room and slic locked the door artcr her. , 1 
 never knowed one word o' tlii.s untol arter bo went off. Well, artev he went 
 to sleep, Georgy, t^ho heered .i mighty groanin. .So she ups, she does, an 
 onlocks the door and creeps in mighty sly. It seem •like ho ware dreaming 
 and talkin in his sleep powcrfnl. lie called names, sich as Jcmimy, Siu>an 
 .lane, Betsy Ann, and — what was all them njuaaes, Georgy ." 
 •It-makes no difierence, pap, go on.' . .. 
 
 '^\jid a heap more of 'cm. Georgy can tell you. Cobe sho heaa'd 'cm over 
 and oftiug. Well, ho seemed to be powerful shamed of allt)f 'em, and he swor*^ 
 he worn'L married and them that sHid so was a liar, and all sich. Well, sioh 
 ratrin on made Georgy b'levc that he was a»married man befo, and had two 
 nr three wives already, or probat)lo four or llv^c. And so she jist wouldn't 
 sleep "with him no how. She — well, iu fac, she jist didn't think she was 
 liable too sleep with him. An'l sir- •' ■ f—i.' TrinlH. 'i • '■"■• ■i'Thf, w.nsn'l 
 she Triplet ?" " 
 
 'In cose,' .answered Mr. Trip!'!. 
 ^Do go on, pap.' 
 
 Well, yes. Yit'still she didn't let on. She kept up tolerable well in tlic 
 day time, but when niglit come, Georgy sho kep on gittin sick, and goin into 
 the jinin little room. I never seed sich carrin on befo.' 
 
 [Jncle Ben would stop and laugh some. Georgy begged him to go on. 
 'Well, shekep on hearin liim a goin nu, and you think she would tell mo 
 the. fust thing o' all this. Ef she had a told me, howbeever, tliat aiiM- neither 
 here nor thar. Well, it seem he talked in his sleep about olher people 1)c- 
 sidfcs wimming, aliout men and about money, and declared on his sold that he 
 never stole it, which goes ♦o show Georg}'' that he war a roguo as well as a 
 rascal about wimming. Yit in tins time he liegin to hint even around me 
 about property, and even insinivated that he would like to have the whole 
 pl.autation .and all that's on it.' tMr. Pea showed plainly by hi.s mailtier, after 
 making this last remark, that no m.in bad evv b:iil nn ambitmi'i more bonnd- 
 less than the late Mr. Slack. 
 
 'But I ml^ty soon give Ihm I" mi(li'i>i:nri| iii:ii II'' war li;nkill Iipllir 
 
 wrong treecf bethought I was uvyiixj to give up tliis plantation and niy 
 property before my head g<it cojd.p Them's always fools tbat d(x;s ij^< 
 
 'Howbeever, he talkod so much' abtmt settlin hisself, and po easy and good 
 about Georgy, and how that all he kcered al>out property wa;i ff>r bcr, and I 
 
llli HOM^KOtS TALEte. 
 
 knowcd that was all I kccrcd about it for, thati told liini, I'd pay for ii niggiT 
 niiifcn for 'cm. Well, you bcc. I no sooner sayh that thtfn ho ups \vith a lie 
 abriiit liavin to go to Augusty. But shorr ciiufl, artor he had boon here 
 two or tiircc days, he had to go t>>o Augusty, ir .--nincwhar else. Bci*abC he 
 got a letter which bkecred liim powerful, an he .stid he war gcon right off. 1 
 didn't BpishuD notbin agin the man, and I Icta him have the money to buy the 
 "'gger 'oman. I had no more spishun of him. .Iccnis Triplet, than I have of 
 you, only knowiii that he wa.s monstrous fond <■!' money, which i.s all right 
 enough, ef a man comes by it honest. Well, (ieorgy she wa.s tuk back tre- 
 menduous by his gittin the money so all on a suddiug. Yit she didn't let on, 
 but makes out like she's mighty sorry he war goin so soon, but mighty glad 
 he's goin to fetch lier a nigger 'oman when lie lomc back. She ha.-* him got ii 
 mighty good smack of vittles, :ind what ain't common for dinner, .slie puts on 
 the table a plate of nice fresh butter and a plenty of biscuit. Triplet,' Mr. IVa 
 now looked as sly and as good humored as it wa.»; jio.ssible for him to be. 
 'Triplet, I've got a go<xi joke on you.' 
 
 Mr. Triplet seemed to guess what it was, and .smiled subduedly. 
 
 'You know what you said aboul my never seein eertiiiL,' peeple and lertinn* 
 things — certing property no more?' 
 
 Mr. Triplet acknowledged that he did. 
 
 'Well, Triplet, part of it wa.s .so and part of it were not ^d. ;i|| which lv>th is 
 jisl as I wants it to be. Triph-t. tUal butter and them biscuit is what saved 
 me. lie never expected to t-at no more tell he got to Augu.'^ty. and 1 tell you 
 he hiiDg to that butter ami tlicm bi.scuit. While he wa.s at 'em, and Georgy 
 she made 'eni late a comin in a purjiose. she takes Honu- old keys which shu 
 Iiad picked up, and finds one tlinl cnuld onhn-k his pelees(! wliar alie si-cd him 
 put the money, .ind whar sIkj knowcd he keji all he hail.' 
 
 Uncle Hen inlendod to laugh men'ilessly at Triplet, but he was stojjped by 
 the .sight of Mr. Pup.ket, wIid ijid as if he was trying to swallow somHthing that 
 was t<X) big for his throat. ^ 
 
 'Ar anything the matter wiiii ymi Mr. I'luUct? Is you got a eold >' Ai 
 your thoat soV' a.sked the old guntlemaii, with Juidisguiscd interest: 
 
 Triplet snickered as Mr. Pucket denit>d l)eing sick, 
 
 r'nclc Ben proceeded : 
 
 'So she jest opened it sly as a miir and took oiit my monev— ' 
 
 'And what else'.'' eagerly asked Mr, I'nckcl. 
 
 'My watrh. that the villion beg me lo let liim lake with l>im lo liiivc it 
 worked ou, wliicli I didn't like no ' 
 
 'What elt^c '." asked Mr. Pucket again.' 
 
 'That's the last j)int I'm a comin too, autl tli.ifs why (iinrgy sent arti-r Mr. 
 Sjiouter. She kuowed that he owed Mr. Spuuter thiny dollars, and she made 
 up her mind to pay the debt as now she seed his money, and she tuck out 
 thirty dollars o' his money, which here it ar for you Mr. flpouter.' 
 
' BfUMOROUS TALES. 113 
 
 'I garnishee the lliirly ilolhus,' interposed Mr. Packet, Loldiug out his hands. 
 
 'You arc too lafr,' answered Mr. iSpouter, taking the money, putting it intu 
 liis pocket, and lookiivj; ns if lie had gotten in again after being onsted by Mr. 
 Slack. 
 
 'Can't I garuishce. 'I'riplel .'' 
 
 'Garnishee for win! V 
 
 'For my fee?' 
 
 •Fee for wliat ?' 
 
 'Why, for my snvioi'S in — ah, — coninig out here on two occasions.' 
 
 •Well you can't garnishee.' 
 
 ^[r. Triplet looked as if he was ashamed of Mr. Puckel. Uncle Ben hoped 
 then; was goin' to bo no bad fcelinp, and no difficulties. 
 
 'Certainly not,' answered Mr. Triplet. 'Mr. I'ucket ar' a young lawyer, and 
 forgot at the niinit that it war other people that owed him for his services in 
 slid of Mr. Slack. Besicks, fnrthcrmo, Mr. Pucket ought to know that yon 
 ean't garnishee jJst dry so, without Inst gittin' out some sort'o' paper from the 
 cote. That would take so inucli time that Spouter, here, monl.sijend his thirty 
 dollars bcfo he got it, that is, ef Spouter wanted too.' Mr. 'i'riplet looked in- 
 terrogatingly at the 'tother gentleman. 
 
 •Yes, cf I wanted too,' answered Mr: .S., oraculously: 
 
 'But,' pcr.''i3ted Mr. Packet, 'there was other monies.' 
 
 •Whar?' asked Mr. Triplet. 
 
 'In Mr. Slack's trunk.' 
 
 'Xo they want,' answered Mr. Pei, who thou;;lil he ought to keep Mr. 
 Tucket to the true word. 'They was in his pelccpc ." 
 
 •Well, in his pelcesc. Tliat makes no dilTerencc,' a;id Mr. Pucket looked as 
 if he thought he had them on that point. 
 
 'l^adcet,' said Triplet.' 'it won't make no diflercncc. Yon are right. It don't 
 make nary Ijit o' difcrcnco with no body, nor with your fee neither. That fee 
 ar' a lost b.all. They aint no money here to ])ay it with, an' cfthcrc was, it 
 would be Mr. Slack's lawyer, and not you that would git it. Well, gin it ii|i 
 and another time try to have better luck.' 
 
 Mr. Pucket !ra,'! a young lawyer, and was, in jiart, owned by Mr. Triplet. 
 So he subsided. Uncle Ben looked troubled, until tke sheriff assured him that 
 there could be no difficulties. 'Co on, uncle Ben. You got your gun, of cours ?' 
 
 'Triplet, you rascal'! You may laugh ; but I don't want the gun. lie muy 
 keep it, and do what he pleases with it, even to blowin' out liis own thevious 
 brains with it for what i kccr. He's welcome to the irun. You Triplet I' 
 
 'Don't mind me, ancle lien. Co on.' 
 
 'Well, thar's lots ntbrc to tell el Gcorgy woukl only let me ; and some Uiings 
 a.i would make you laugh powerful. Trii)let, cf you was to hear "cm. But she's 
 made me swar, actily swar. that I won't tell without her leave. Maybe shell 
 tell your ole 'oman ?omc o' thrse days. Well, 1 felt mighty glad when I g»t my 
 money back, and, rf any thing, a wop.-er gladder when 1 got back my watch 
 agin. TripldL when 1 seed her,' (and the old man drew out a watch ns big nnd 
 :ls rouncl as a turnip .'i when 1 seed her agin, cl I didn't cry you may kill me. 
 I've had her thirty year, and none o' your new- (angled ones can boat her run' 
 nin' when you clean her onl and keep her sot right with the sun. Ah, well, 
 he continue*!, putting it b.adc and shaking his foot in mild satisfaction ; •tin" 
 thing is over, and the best of it .nil ftr' that — -' 
 
 'Hush pap.' said Ceorgiana. raising her Guger. jjjj 
 
114 
 
 HUMOnODfe TALEi. 
 
 The oli^Uiay smiled uad bushed. 
 
 After hearing pans of the storj over teveral times, the party lobe to go. 
 Air. Triplet rising, eaid that in cose it war not aDV of his bisines', but be would 
 like to ux Miss Ucorgy oue (jucstion. ef bi^ wouldn't lie considered a.^ mcddlin' 
 with what didn't belong to him ; and that waswhy .-^be didn't Itll on llio viilion 
 ag soon as she found bim oat. (icori;iana answered : 
 
 'Well, Mr. 'JViplet, I many times thought ] would ; l)ut yon sec 1 did'nl 
 liDOW for certain that be bad done all the things that I was afraid he had. Be- 
 sides, Mr. Tiiplet, even if ho wai^nt my husband, I oue time tbou,c;fct he was ;^ 
 and before God and mpn, I had promi.sed to be fai'hful to him. And then he!* 
 had staid in this bouse, and eat at our table, and —and called pap father, and— 
 and— and— Well, Mr. Triplet, somybow-it d'dn't look right forme to be th<* 
 lirst one to turn against him; and— and when 1 did think of telling on him. 
 somctbiug would ri.se up and tell me that I ought not' 
 
 'Wimming aiut like men vo bow. lincle B.n,' said 'i'ripl< i. wijiiag his eye :• 
 he bade him good bye, • ' 
 
 'Xotheyaint, Triplet,' and be laid hie h<|nd foudly on Jiiis daughter's ahoul- 
 il-r while ^e tear.s ran down his cheeks. 
 
 The visitors now left, all except Miss Spouter. JShc wished to get behind 
 the scenes and km av more. Jlow much more she learmd I cannot say. They 
 went to bed early when the day ended, and to ^eeplatc. Tliere was something 
 which made them easily reunite. It wa,s a pity. Miss SpoiiyLcr imagined that 
 ^be jiitied her friend because she hud been deceived by a man. even more than 
 Im-.-jcIf liad ever been, and becaTKc of the hurtful inllucuce whicli that decep- 
 tion would probably exert upon any future expectations of marria.<:«. Mit^s 
 Pea, who, instead of having any regrets, fcft relief in the thought that hence- • 
 fortli her fatlicr would be satisfield to allow her to manage such matters for 
 herself, and that .slic should be satisfied to have nond to manage, really pitied 
 iiei- friend because she j-et yearned for an impossible estate. When tlie time 
 '•amc for them togo to slec]!, (and Georgiana thought it long coining) she 
 did )iot w^it a. moment. Jiliss Spouter lay awake'some time finther. She 
 pondered lojig on Avhat .she liad heard. It was strange. It w:is almost like a 
 novel. Howeoidd George be still the .same Georgiana Pea"? She had been 
 Mrs. Si|pk, Wasn't slw Mrs. Slack now; and how. oh ! how excitmg every- 
 thing must Ekvc been. Her thoi\ghts followed Mr. Slack a while ; but he was 
 so far away that tJiey came back and wont looking after Mr. Bill Williams. 
 He wat) not nmch, b«^t he was sometliiug. Ue had never exhibited any regard 
 for her j^et, but it was possible that he would some day. He Avas at least ten 
 years younger than herself. But lier curls Avere the same as ever, and besides, 
 were not marriages made in Heaven? or were they noWi lottery, or something 
 ..f the sort ? Who knows ? Mr. Bill Williams, after all, might be the very 
 one to whom the some tiling in her alluded when it had po repeatedly told 
 lieri^liat she was destined to make some man so happy. Then her mmd 
 I turned aj^ain, and notwithstanding Mr. Slack's groat distance aluad, it started 
 torth in the direction he had taken. She dwelt upon his strange conduct and 
 his runniug away, and although it was plain that he had done the like before, 
 and when he had never Been her nor heard of her, yet, she Jialfway persuaded 
 her.seilf|hat she v.as the cause, though the perfectly iu^ocent cause, of it all. 
 Yes, yes V she v/as saying to herself, a$ sleep stole upon her at last, 'he is 
 ^ jdc. but the image of Angeline Spouterlh in hig.breasi, and it will stay there 
 forever.' |^ ^ ' 
 
JUST PUBZ.ZSHZ2D. 
 
 < AMP FOLLOWER 
 
 'I"' II 1/: < • ■: - 'i. ' JL\ k t %.M JLA. '1^ ; 
 
 TI1K WIFE'S SimTAWEM, 
 
 HoW 1 COATED SAL.*, 
 
 WHARNO . 
 
 Aiul in:l4'V nth' 
 
 THE CHAMPIO>. 
 
 iS. THAR THg FIRE GmrR OUT 
 
 AMiMiMJiiAT OF TIJE CASir, 
 
 j.^u. 
 
 'T"";"\T" 
 
 '!'.;!.-,_> ijiym'-Mtis oi' an Idle Woman," " I.;:iy, ' "Sylvia'o 
 
 Wuv].]." ,Vr. Sir. t 
 
 
 05-"*Thc trad*", supplicil ut the usual discount. Alt qrde;' 
 be accompanied \vith tlio casu, and addrcsst>d to 
 
 STOCKTON fit CO. 
 
 A^'!U^f 
 
Field iand Fireside 
 
 \ I IKST (LASS Y\yU]A .MHKWL. 
 
 n"i'.i.isiii:it \T \\.Kf\ -\ K I. \. Y,\ *i^ 
 
 TBniaS CASH IN ADVANCE. 
 
 Siniilt* C<n.»y, Six "Moiitli-, ------ $U).(.m». 
 
 GREAT INDUCEMENTS TO CLUBS. 
 
 Till'"-'- ('"|>ic-. for Six M«'iiili< . . sl>.").(i(.( 
 
 §' ;"' - '1»> 'I- . . ... .'»(»,()() . 
 
 ];'itr<-cii ( Mi.ic. ,1,, '\<>^:r:.: lun.oit 
 
 All. ()r(lei-s mu<t Iw .•icc.inprmicd \vitli tlif ('':\<]\. -ul- 
 (.Iressed as .•il)()ve. 
 

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