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 NAPOLEON. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Of Boney's family and race, 
 
 And of his birth, the time and place : 
 
 The false accounts which have been had. 
 
 Respecting both his mam and dad. 
 
 His education — disposition — 
 
 Impetuosity — ambition — 
 
 His juvenile delights and freaks, 
 
 And vengeance, which he often seeks. 
 
 Th' occasion of a hurly-burly, 
 
 A reason why he is so surly. 
 
 His hatred of the Genoese— 
 
 Of Frenchmen too as well as these ; 
 
 His bold attempt to turn a poet, 
 
 The method which he took to shew it» 
 
 His great devotion— confirmation, 
 
 An anecdote for illustration. 
 
 His horsemanship and wretched writing, 
 
 His great abilities in fighting. 
 
 He's brought to trial and to shame, 
 
 Yet disregards a tarnish' d name. 
 
 His school is changed— denied a boon— » 
 
 His treatment of an air balloon. 
 
 A SING the man, with fortune low. 
 Of all mankind the deadly foe,— 
 
2 DR. SYNTAXS 
 
 Whose name shall be, as it may hap, 
 Or Boney, Bonaparte, or Nap, 
 Tho' Nick by right, for I'll be sworn, ' 
 A greater devil ne'er was born; 
 Who rose from nothing, yet became 
 First Consul ('tis a Roman name), 
 And from First Consul did advance 
 To be the Emperor of France; 
 But now — mark well ye proud and vain ! 
 He sinks to humble Nap again. 
 
 In August he was born, they say 
 It was on St. Napoleon's day; 
 But could the fifteenth be divine 
 In sev'nteen hundred, sixty nine, 
 Which gave the wicked Boney birth 
 In Corsica — a spot of earth 
 Renown'd for every human crime, 
 And which had been in ancient time 
 A place of banishment, we find, 
 For culprits of the basest kind. 
 
 About his parentage indeed, 
 Biographers have disagreed ; 
 Some say his father was a farmer, 
 His mother too a Cyprian charmer: 
 That his dad Carlo was quite poor, 
 Letitia a French gen'ral's whore; 
 If faithless to her marriage vows, 
 She made a cuckold of her spouse, 
 
NAPOLEON. 
 
 Then Nap, (some characters are rotten) 
 Has been a merrily begotten. 
 But other writers, with civility, 
 Insist he's sprung from old nobility, 
 And therefore to his father's name 
 Attach the highest rank and fame; 
 Nay, furthermore, they add as true, 
 Nap was Paoli's godson too. 
 But what to this said great Paoli ? 
 " I stood for one, but 'pon my soul, I 
 At present do not rightly know 
 Whether it was for Nap or Joe." 
 It was for Joe if he'd have said it, 
 But Joe has done him little credit- 
 Now let the honest muse despise 
 All adulation, barefaced lies, 
 And own the truth — Then Boney's father 
 Was member of the law, or rather, 
 A pettifogger, which his friends, 
 To serve their own politic ends, 
 Would keep a secret, knowing well 
 
 That pettifoggers go to hell 
 
 When France occasioned some alarms, 
 And Corsica was up in arms, 
 This Carlo Bonaparte thought fit, 
 His parchments for the sword to quit. 
 He fought, they say, with some applause, 
 Tho' unsuccessful in the cause: 
 b 2 
 
4 DR. SYNTAX S 
 
 Meanwhile, with battle's din and fright, 
 His wife was in a dismal plight ; 
 From town to town Letitia fled 
 To shun the French, as it is said; 
 Tho' others whisper that the fair 
 Was under a French Gen'ral's* care, 
 And that to keep secure her charms 
 She fondly trusted to h\s arms. 
 Be this, however, as it might, 
 After incessant fear and flight, 
 Letitia ('fore her time mayhap), 
 Was brought to bed of Master Nap: 
 The cause we think of his ambition, 
 And of his restless disposition. 
 As Carlo Bonaparte in vain 
 Had drawn his sword, 'twas sheath'd again. 
 Resolved to lead a quiet life 
 He now remained with his dear wife, 
 While the French General to prove 
 His friendship, (some may call it love, 
 For Madam Bonaparte, the matron), 
 Became Nap's voluntary patron ; 
 He thought the boy was docile, good ; 
 He thought he had his father's blood. 
 His father's ! — seek no explanation, 
 There may be some equivocation, 
 
 * Count de Marbceuf. 
 
NAPOLEON. 
 
 For, as the proverb goes, the lad 
 Is wise indeed, who knows his dad. 
 But to proceed — This gen'rous man 
 To prove his friendship now began, 
 And sent young Nap, as we are told, 
 To school when he was ten years old ; 
 It was a military school, 
 Where youth was under strictest rule. 
 Now watch'd and rigidly confined, 
 Nap, whose young spirit was inclined 
 To be obdurate and morose 
 Could never here become jocose; 
 Nor did his frame, by nature weak, 
 His future hardihood bespeak. 
 When school was o'er, to musing prone, 
 He in his cell remain'd alone, 
 The furniture of which, 'tis said, 
 Consisted of an humble bed, 
 A pot, and table too to place on 
 A water pitcher and a bason. 
 Each pupil, in this dismal plight, 
 Was sep'rately lock'd up at night; 
 A watch was placed too in the gallery, 
 Who guarded for a weekly salary. 
 
 This solitude to malice led, 
 And Boney's gloomy notions fed ; 
 It fed his towering ambition, 
 His sanguinary disposition ; 
 b 3 
 
6 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 He pleased himself while he was there 
 
 By building castles in the air: 
 
 Fame, immortality, and glory, 
 
 For ever filled his upper story; 
 
 Such were his daily thoughts, and then 
 
 At night those thoughts occurred again ; 
 
 He dreamt he was with riches stor'd 
 
 Obtained by his polluted sword ; 
 
 He dreamt that he was wond'rous grand, 
 
 And had the world at his command. 
 
 While Fancj' those fond pictures drew, 
 
 It sometimes brought a foe to view, 
 
 Then wou'd the little hero start 
 
 With infant furies in his heart, 
 
 Raising his arm, with horrid frown, 
 
 To knock — the water pitcher down ! 
 
 Thus, in his solitude, it seems, 
 
 He meditated wicked schemes 
 
 Both in his day-thoughts and in dreams, 
 
 For he was now, tho' ten years old, 
 
 Vindictive, insolent, and bold. 
 
 When he two years at school had been 
 He proved more violent and mean : 
 Unlike his sprightly fellow boys, 
 Amused with playthings and with toys; 
 At shuttlecock he'd never stop, 
 Nor deign to whip the bounding top. 
 

 
 u 
 
 
 
 3 
 2 
 
 I 
 
NAPOLEON. 
 
 His garden was his sole delight, 
 
 Which ne'er improv'd his mental sight, 
 
 But thus in childhood serv'd to shew 
 
 He was to all mankind a foe. 
 
 His school fellows in keen sedateness 
 
 He robh'd to prove his urchin greatness: 
 
 Deluded by his wheedling art 
 
 Some cheerfully resign'd a part 
 
 Of their possessions, and to these 
 
 He added what he chose to seize; 
 
 Then planting it with num'rous trees, 
 
 And putting pallisades all round 
 
 He strutted monarch of the ground ; 
 
 Evincing in these early days, 
 
 His little dirty pilf'ring ways, 
 
 And giving too strong demonstration, 
 
 Of Tyranny and Usurpation! 
 
 When Nap his fourteenth year attained 
 The hatred of the school he gained ; 
 Tho' in his studies he improved, 
 The art of war he dearly loved, 
 And he became too, they relate, 
 In mathematics very great, 
 But notwithstanding all the merit 
 Which Master Boney did inherit, 
 He lost it thro' his vicious spirit ; 
 Rapacious, turbulent and proud, 
 His merit nobody allow'd, 
 b 4 
 
S DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 And every body too agreed, 
 As any body might indeed, 
 That some body, no matter who, 
 Would, soon or late, be made to rue. 
 Nap ne'er forgave, whene'er offended, 
 An injury, tho' not intended; 
 And cherishing his hatred long, 
 He vengeance sought for every wrong — 
 By vengeance, be it understood, 
 He sought for either life or blood ; 
 That such the rancor he possess'd 
 The fact, which follows, will attest — 
 Will prove his lasting animosity, 
 His diabolical ferocity. 
 
 'Twas on a welcome festive morn, 
 For some great saint divinely born, — 
 No matter why, it was a jolly day, 
 Boys muit be merry on a holiday; 
 And now behold their bulging pockets, 
 Enrich'd with pistols, squibs, and rockets — 
 When some, but humbly begg'd his pardon, 
 Threw fireworks into Boney's garden; 
 'Twas chiefly manag'dby the breeze 
 Which sent them 'moDg his plants and trees ; 
 Bursting, the cracks were oft repeated, 
 Nap's ears were with the thunder greeted ; 
 Th' explosions discomposed, I wot, 
 Th' arrangement of the lovely spot. 
 
NAPOLEON 
 
 Nap saw it with corroding spite, 
 
 And now began his lips to bite ; 
 
 But strove his anger to restrain, 
 
 Until revenge he could obtain. 
 
 Tor weeks he plann'd what he should do, 
 
 And in about a month or two 
 
 Contrived his infamous design, 
 
 By having made a kind of mine 
 
 Beside the garden ; where, in haste, 
 
 Long trains of gunpowder he plac'd ; 
 
 Deliberately now, as stated, 
 
 He for the little fellows waited ; 
 
 And just as they were passing through it, 
 
 A lighted bit of stick put to it ; 
 
 The boys were suddenly alarm'd, 
 
 And some were miserably harm'd, 
 
 While all with fright and consternation, 
 
 Were in a state of perturbation. 
 
 Th' heroic Boney, with a club, 
 
 Now came the sufferers to drub ; 
 
 But soon the master was in sight, 
 
 Which put the conqueror to flight. 
 
 Prom what the Muse has now related, 
 No wonder Bonaparte was hated ; 
 Morose, vindictive, and uncivil, 
 The boys would rather seethe devil; 
 And as their sports he took no part in, 
 He got the nick-name of — the Spartan. 
 
10 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 A plausive reason is assign'd 
 
 For this ill-temper of the mind — 
 
 His country's fate !— for 'tis believed, 
 
 For Corsica he always grieved ; 
 
 His ardent wish for ever was 
 
 That he might triumph in her cause ; 
 
 He hop'd to be her champion solely, 
 
 As great a hero as Paoli. 
 
 Against the French he always rail'd, 
 
 Who over Corsica prevail'd ; 
 
 To them ascribed he her disasters, 
 
 And curs'd them, being then her masters. 
 
 And nothing greater umbrage gave, 
 
 Than saying he was France's slave ; 
 
 At such opprobrious appellation, 
 
 He always swell'd with indignation. 
 
 The Genoese he hated too, 
 
 And styled them a vile hellish crew, 
 
 Who, for a paltry sum of gold, 
 
 To France his native country sold. 
 
 Against them all he'ad firmly sworn 
 
 Eternal enmity and scorn : 
 
 Indeed he went a little further, 
 
 The first he met he swore he'd murther. 
 
 One of his countrymen, a youth, 
 (The anecdote is told as truth), 
 Who'ad just arrived — was, in a whim, 
 Brought as a Genoese to him ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 11 
 
 When, as a Genoese announc'd, 
 Up in a fury Boney bounc'd, 
 Instantly seized him by the hair — 
 Began tremendously to swear, 
 And wou'd his murder have effected, 
 But that the stripling was protected. 
 The joke was afterwards explain'd, 
 But Boney still his spite retain'd : 
 For several weeks, whene'er they met, 
 His rancor he could not forget. 
 
 He turu'd a poet at this time — 
 Heav'n knows how great, or how sublime — 
 The JLiberty of Corsica 
 Was his poetical essay ; 
 And here i t may not be amiss 
 To tell the opening — which was this: 
 The scene in Corsica he laid, 
 Encomiums to that island paid; 
 Took a poetic flight ('twas fair), 
 To a romantic cavern there. 
 While meditating on the theme, 
 Behold, a genius (in a dream), 
 Bade him defend his native land, 
 And clapp'd a poinard in his hand. 
 
 While Nap o'er this production pored, 
 He ey'd a little rusty sword — 
 The poniard, as he always call'd it, 
 And as the genius' gift extoll'd it — 
 
12 DE. SYNTAX'S 
 
 This he committed to the earth, 
 To give th' heroic verses birth; 
 When aid he wanted for the brain, 
 He'd go and look at it again ; 
 If it assisted him to think — 
 Return, and dip his pen in ink. 
 
 Tho' Nap was in derision held, 
 In one thing be the boys excell'd. 
 " In what ?" cry readers with emotion, 
 He far excell'd them in — decotion ! 
 Most probably, it will be said, 
 The youthful hypocrite he play'd : 
 No matter — he this method seiz'd, 
 And clerical preceptors pleased ; 
 Perhaps 'twill scarcely be believ'd, 
 That he the sacrament receiv'd ; 
 And on the same day, as 'tis term'd, 
 Was Master Bonaparte confirm'd; 
 In the performance of the same, 
 Th' Archbishop ask'd his christian name — 
 " Napoleon," loudly he exclaim'd! 
 While all the boys look'd quite asham'd — 
 " Napoleon !" but, as it appears, 
 The name escap'd th' Archbishop's ears; 
 He ask'd again, in angry tone, he 
 Was told Napoleon, then, by Boney — 
 Th' assisting priest, in whisper faint, 
 Remark'd, he did not know that Saint ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 15 
 
 " That I believe !" cried Nap, with speed, 
 " The Saint's a Corsicaa indeed !" 
 
 We said some learning he acquir'd — 
 'Twas only that he most admir'd ; 
 The languages, the arts, and writing, 
 It seems he never took delight in; 
 And when an Emperor, all grand, 
 His writing was a wretched hand ; 
 He took the paper, but to spoil it, 
 Pot-hooks and hangers you might style it ; 
 And had he seen him on a horse, I ken, 
 YoungAstley wouldhavemock'd this Corsican. 
 
 He was of Plutarch a great reader, 
 And of all mischief a ring-leader ; 
 The chief contriver of disasters, 
 And mutinies against the masters ; 
 His manners rough, and base inventions 
 Involv'd him daily in contentions : 
 And being weakest of the host, 
 He very often suffer'd most ; 
 But patiently endur'd his woes — 
 A broken head, or bloody nose— 
 For, disregarding fear or pain, 
 He scorn' d of comrades to complain. 
 Moreover, not a pin he car'd 
 For flogging — which was never spar'd; 
 And, though the others quak'd with fea% 
 If frowning masters look'd severe, 
 
14 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Yet little Boney never trembled, 
 Tho' all the masters were assembled ; 
 And when he punishment incurr'd, 
 He never wept, nor spoke a word. 
 
 About this period, as we find, 
 In military sports he join'd. 
 Indeed it was the tutor's way 
 T' encourage all such warlike play ; 
 The martial exercise they learn'd, 
 In planning which was Nap concern'd ; 
 But soon, it seems, the boys began 
 T' improve on Master Boney's plan ; 
 For, into companies dividing, 
 They a battalion show'd their pride in — 
 Assistance scornfully rejected, 
 And their own officers elected — ■ 
 In the French uniform were clad, 
 And Nap the rank of Captain had. 
 
 Once, for some great, but secret fault, 
 To trial Bonaparte was brought. 
 The scholars' conduct was impartial, 
 And therefore held they a court-martial ; 
 The merits of the case discuss'd, 
 The sentence was pronounc'd as just— — 
 That from the evidence, it seem'd, 
 Unworthy Captain, Nap was deem'd; 
 And, as a token of disgrace, 
 He was to take the lowest place. 
 
NAPOLEON. 15 
 
 'Tis said, when he this sentence heard, 
 Without emotion he appear' d — 
 And, with a seeming easy mind, 
 The rank of Captain he resign'd. 
 In the opinion, now, of some men, 
 This might he thought a kind of omen. 
 
 Thus, disregarding every scoff, 
 The obloquy was soon wiped off; 
 And he, biography reports, 
 Now introduced Olympic sports : 
 These games, as you may well suppose, 
 Oft ended in a bloody nose — 
 In real battles, full of pain, 
 For which the leader got the cane — 
 'Twas Nap that got it, very few did ; 
 And thus th' Olympic games concluded. 
 
 When at this school five years or more, 
 In sev'nteen hundred, eighty-four, 
 He by th' inspector was approv'd, 
 And so to Paris school remov'd. 
 Yet Boney stubbornly remain'd, 
 The same, and all his sullenness retain'd. 
 A curious anecdote we're told, 
 Which will his character unfold; 
 This time at Paiis many went 
 To witness a balloon's ascent, 
 And Nap, as curious, 'tis allow'd, 
 Was now the foremost in the crowd. 
 
16 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 In spite of mob, which was immense, 
 
 He got into the inner fence ; 
 
 T' assist them he appear'd all willing, 
 
 While they the silken globe were filling; 
 
 And when with air sufficient stor'd — 
 
 Restrain'd but by a silken cord — 
 
 He begg'd the aeronaut's permission, 
 
 To join him in his expedition : 
 
 The man thought proper to deny ; 
 
 On no account wou'd he comply ; 
 
 The youth's request he thought was merriment, 
 
 If serious, might retard th' experiment ; 
 
 He spoke with kindness to the stranger, 
 
 And told him of the dreadful danger — 
 
 " By heav'n," cried Nap, " I do not care, 
 
 For all the pow'rs of earth or air." 
 
 But still the man remain'd a bar;— 
 
 No Boney should ascend the car. 
 
 Finding intreaties would not do, 
 
 In furious passion Boney flew, 
 
 And drawing a small sabre, soon 
 
 He cut to pieces the balloon, 
 
 And let the air out in a minute, 
 
 Which took a long time to put in it. 
 
 The school, where Nap was now a student, 
 And who indeed was the most rude in't, 
 Was with above three hundred fill'd, 
 In military tactics skill'd. 
 
NAPOLEON. 17 
 
 Yet Boney's friends were very few, 
 For in the school he'ad only two ; 
 Perhaps he more would have selected, 
 But that his friendship was rejected. 
 With two, however, in this station, 
 He spent his hours of recreation. 
 
 Now, having told Nap's early life, 
 His boyish wickedness and strife, 
 The Muse, adhering still to truth, 
 Will sing th' adventures of his youth. 
 
18 1>K. syntax's 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Our hero a lieutenant made — 
 
 The principles he now display'd; 
 
 A challenge without any battle ; 
 
 The freedom of his prittle prattle ; 
 
 The consequences — but his luck in 
 
 Escaping an intended ducking. 
 
 Of Nap's misfortunes, by which he 
 
 Is in a state of poverty. 
 
 Of his return to his mamma; 
 
 He gets employ in Corsica. 
 
 His sudden flight, the causes guess'd — 
 
 The reader takes which he likes best. 
 
 He seeks a British situation, 
 
 The failure of his application. 
 
 He meets a friend, by whose petition 
 
 He gets an officer's commission ; 
 
 Is sent to Toulon, which of course is 
 Defended by th' united forces. 
 
 The Jacobins — their disaffection, 
 And their intended insurrection. 
 Nap sets a blazing, with a shell, 
 A bawdy house, call'd an hotel, 
 In which his family used to dwell. 
 His bloody deeds by Darras noted, 
 For which Napoleon is promoted. 
 So great the enemy's increase 
 Th' Allies evacuate the place. 
 
 } 
 
NAPOLEON. 
 
 Sir Sydney Smith great danger braves, 
 And disappoints the galley-slaves. 
 Unheard-of vengeance, which mayhap, 
 Will terrify the reader, — Nap 
 As executioner employ'd 
 About fourteen hundred men destroy'd. 
 While active in this operation 
 His calmness and dissimulation. 
 His bragging letter — Gen'ral Boney 
 Now made a spy, but so well known he, 
 That he's detested for the same 
 And young and old abhor his name. 
 He visits church, not thro' devotion, 
 But prompted by a secret motion, — 
 Becomes an orator, but silly 'tis, 
 Ashe evinces no abilities. 
 He strives Ajaccio to recover, 
 Is foil'd and therefore gives it over. 
 Is sent to Nice, where valiant Boney 
 Becomes Murat's continual croney. 
 Now Boney and his new-made friend 
 Proconsul Aubrey much offend ; 
 For which our hero's made to pay, 
 Cashier'd, imprisoned, sent away. 
 His grief and consequent distress. 
 He walks to Paris for redress. 
 In vain is every supplication; 
 His miserable situation — 
 A sudden change, for Barras now sends 
 For Bonaparte, who murders thousands. 
 Another constitution, which 
 Affords him hopes of being rich. 
 
 THE school of Paris having quitted, 
 Nap for the artillery was fitter!; 
 c 2 
 
20 DR- SYNTAX S 
 
 He of a corps was made lieutenant, 
 
 Call'd De la Fere, with valiant men in't. 
 
 Auxonne the scene was at this period, 
 
 And here his occupations varied; 
 
 He walk'd ahout during the day time, 
 
 At night in reading spent a great time ; 
 
 But his republican orations 
 
 Oft brought him into altercations. 
 
 On this account (such Boney's lot) 
 
 A challenge suddenly he got; 
 
 But by his comrades' intervention 
 
 A stop was put to the contention. 
 
 'Gainst the French king he spoke with freedom, 
 
 And swore the people did not need him. 
 
 Offended with the idle prater, 
 
 Some folks resolved to give the traitor 
 
 A ducking in a neighb'ring pond, 
 
 But Bonaparte thought fit t' abscond. 
 
 Misfortunes often will attend! 
 Nap lost his father and his friend- 
 That friend who often sent him cash 
 And aided him to cut a dash. 
 Of course he cou'd no lotiger stay 
 Upon his regimental pay ; 
 As poverty is always spurn'd 
 He back to Corsica return'd. 
 They say, and so persuaded am I, 
 He sought with eagerness his mammy, 
 
NAPOLEON. 21 
 
 And Louis, Lucien, Jerome, Joe, 
 His brotherly esteem to show. 
 
 He got employment as he wanted, 
 And in Ajaccio was appointed 
 Commander of the national guards — 
 So well our hero play'd his cards. 
 Yet some insist he was indeed 
 A petty officer instead. 
 It seems at this time he was poor, 
 And lived unnoticed and obscure ; 
 At last he was obliged to flee 
 In sev'nteen hundred, ninety three. 
 But why our hero ran away 
 It is impossible to say ; 
 Some think that Boney at this time 
 Committed an audacious crime ; 
 Some, that in dread Paoli held him, 
 And thro' necessity expell'd him. 
 A better reason others hit on ; 
 Nap heard the government of Britain 
 About this period did intend 
 A fleet 'gainst Corsica to send ; 
 At which intelligepce he started, 
 And from Ajaccio quick departed. 
 Some say his sisters, void of shame, 
 Had kept a dwelling of ill fame, 
 The cause of riot and confusion, 
 And consequently, their exclusion ; 
 c 3 
 
22 DR. SYNTAX 5 
 
 But who can give this credence, since his 
 
 Sisters obtained the name of Princes:: : 
 
 Let whatsoever be the case, 
 
 'Tis true the family left the place; 
 
 And as tradition further tells 
 
 They now resided at Marseilles. 
 
 At this time Bonaparte scarce knew 
 What for his maintenance to do — 
 So he sat down, and quickly wrote 
 A very condescending note, 
 (Altho' a wretched scrawl when written), 
 Which to the chieftain of Great Britain, 
 He, soon as possible, dispatch'd, 
 In which he swore he was attach'd 
 Unto the Bricish constitution, 
 And therefore form'd the resolution 
 Of fighting in that country's cause, 
 For George the Third, and for his laws, 
 If that his services were needed,' 
 And to his wishes they acceded. 
 It seems that Bonaparte cou'd trade well, 
 He'd fight for any one that paid well ; 
 Buthe a disappointment got, 
 Because his services were not 
 By Britain's chief commander tried ; 
 The rank he sought for was denied. 
 This was the cause of great displeasure 
 It mortified him above measure, 
 
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NAPOLEON. 28 
 
 And be gave England now as many a 
 Curse, as before be e'er gave Genoa. 
 However Boney, by good eliance, 
 One of his cousins met in France, 
 Who, on perceiving bis dejection, 
 A-suied him of his l;:nd protection; 
 He much commiserated, for, Oh! 
 Napoleon told a tale of sorrow, 
 And at this period was befriended: 
 For by this cousin recommended, 
 In consequence of his condition — 
 Behold, an officer's commission 
 In the artillery he gain'd, 
 Wmch the republic cause mainlain'd. 
 The siege of Toulon he attended, 
 By British forces long defended. 
 It had been taken by Lord Hood, 
 Who bv good fortune understood 
 That many. Jacobins entitled, 
 Their secret meetings every night held, 
 Intending a revolt — or if a cant, 
 May be consider'd more significant — 
 To turn the tables they all meant, 
 For which to prison they were sent. 
 The first shell 'gainst Toulon, 'tis said, 
 The hand of Bonaparte had sped ; 
 Upon the very house it fell 
 Where he and family did dwell, 
 c 4 
 
24 i>K. SFNTAXS 
 
 And which producing a grandflame 
 Immediately destroy'd the same. 
 'Twas an hotel — but as employ'd, the house 
 With justice has been call'd a bawdy house. 
 His mother's foster sister kept it, 
 Yet in the heat 'twas not excepted : 
 She in th' explosion lost her spouse, 
 And was released from marriage vows: 
 It was a blow up, in appearance, 
 Without the watchman's interference 
 
 While Bonaparte had this commission, 
 His sanguinary disposition 
 Was by the base Barras so noted 
 That he was instantly promoted; 
 This man, since banished, but no loss it is, 
 Had been renown'd for his atrocities ; 
 And deeming Boney's actions handsome 
 He condescended to advance him ; 
 So he, from chief of the brigade 
 Adj utant general was made, 
 And in a short time after, he 
 Was General of Artillery. 
 
 Now of Toulon, to Nap, the capture 
 Could be no cause of wond'rous rapture, 
 If of his armv's augmentation 
 We take a due consideration. 
 Twas three to one — so the allies 
 T' evacuate the town were wise, 
 
NAPOLEON. 25 
 
 But kindly they assistance gave 
 The loyal people there to save. 
 Five thousand fugitives, they say, 
 The British ships convey'd away ; 
 And all the troops were, as remark'd, 
 Without a single loss, embark'd. 
 
 To burn the magazines forthwith 
 Prepar'd the brave Sir Sydney Smith ; 
 With all beholders' appiobation 
 Conducted he the conflagration. 
 The galley-slaves, now liberated, 
 And who the loyal party hated, 
 Beheld, it seems, the operation 
 With jealousy and consternation : 
 
 But, with the boldness of a lion, 
 
 Sir Sydney Smith kept a sharp eye on 
 
 The evil-minded ragamuffins, 
 
 And foil'd th' intentions of the ruffians. 
 One of the Jacobins, whom Hood 
 
 Had sent to prison for no good — 
 
 A noted character indeed — 
 
 By the republicans was freed. 
 
 As vengeance he on all design'd 
 
 Who to the English had been kind, 
 
 Or in their dreadful situation 
 
 Promoted the capitulation, 
 
 This miscreant selected then 
 
 One thousand and four hundred men, 
 
2(5 DR. SYNTA'XS 
 
 Whom they determin'd to assassinate — ■ 
 
 A testimony of surpassing hate ; 
 
 And Bone_v was, with general voice, 
 
 For executioner their choice. 
 
 Indeed the choice was very good, 
 
 For Boney was a man for blood. 
 
 In sets, it was these wretches' lot, 
 
 To be brought forward to be shot : 
 
 Nfcp gave the order with composure, 
 
 The loaded guns were pointed so sure 
 
 A dreadful carnage soon ensued — 
 
 A carnage — honible when view'd. 
 
 Yet, gallant Boney, with delight, 
 
 Remain'cl spectator of the sight. 
 
 Nay, more, himself vers' d in hypocrisy, 
 
 He though the might perhaps some mock'ry see 
 
 So, " pardon ! pardon !" loud he said, 
 
 To know if they were really dead ; 
 
 Some, who had counterfeited death, 
 
 Rose up, and were depriv'd of breath ! 
 
 Poor souls ! they knew not when he said it, 
 
 His word was not deserving credit. 
 
 However, two there were more wise, 
 
 Who, having put on death's disguise, 
 
 Could not be tempted thus to rise, 
 
 But tarried ti!) tiie wolves were gone, 
 
 And then — a father found his son ! 
 
NAPOLEON. 27 
 
 Heroic Boney made a boast, 
 Of all the blood that had been lost : 
 His letter, we must all remember, 
 The twenty-fourth day of December, 
 In which this brave account he gives : 
 
 " Citizen Representatives, 
 Glad tidings now I lay before ye, 
 While here, upon the field of glory, 
 My feet are wa<h'd with traitor's gore, 
 My hands with stains are cover'd o'er; 
 How does my heart with transport bounce, 
 In being able to announce 
 That every danger I have dar'd, 
 Nor age, nor sex, nor childhood spar'd. 
 The God of battle so admires 
 All our Republican desires, 
 That those our roaring cannon miss'd, 
 Or left with broken leg or fist, 
 The swords of liberty dispatdi'd, 
 With magnanimity unuiatch'd— 
 The swords of liberty — or call it ye, 
 If more harmonious — of equality. 
 Long life and admiration, then, 
 From Bonaparte — your citizen." 
 
 Now, thro' the capture of this town, 
 Our hero gain'd so much renown, 
 And so much interest enjoy'd, 
 That as a spy he was employ 'd ; 
 
48 dr. syntax's 
 
 This honorable occupation 
 
 Did not increase his reputation ; 
 
 When known he for a spy was chosen, 
 
 Poor Boney scarce could shove his nose in 
 
 The coffee-houses, or hotels, 
 
 In consequence of sneers and yells ; 
 
 Thus hooted, shunn'd, abominated, 
 
 He universally was hated ; 
 
 To young ones he a scare-crow seem'd, 
 
 The old, Nap a terrorist deem'd. 
 
 The basest of all base ones, he 
 For grossness and indecency. 
 He went to church, 'tis said, to please himself, 
 But, speaking properly, to ease himself — 
 The consecrated host he took, 
 And gave it a contemptuous look ; 
 Approaching where the altar lay, 
 The holy wafers threw away — 
 What language can the deed express f 
 When he had emptied the recess, 
 Of common decency bereft, 
 A filthy substitute he left ! 
 'Tis plain, then, that his school devotion 
 Was a mere farce — an idle notion. 
 
 Tho' hated for his improprieties, 
 He was a speaker in societies ; 
 For, notwithstanding his disgrace, 
 He always strove to shew his face ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 29 
 
 And, for th' improvement of the throng, 
 He always liked to wag his tongue ; 
 But, oh ! so wretched his orations, 
 That he exhausted all their patience, 
 For vile his sentiments were deem'd, 
 His language, too, as bad esteem'd. 
 
 While the commander of an armament, 
 To do the English forces harm he meant. 
 Nap thought Ajaccio to recover, 
 But found th' inhabitants too clever ; 
 Still to Ajaccio he laid claim, 
 And call'd, in the Republic's name, 
 On every man in't to surrender, 
 Or be consider'd an offender. 
 In vain, however, he contended, 
 He by the English was offended; 
 And his abandon'd friend, Paoli, 
 Was an offender too — that's no lie — 
 So, finding menaces were vain, 
 Great Bonaparte march'd back again. 
 
 Now, sent to Nice, this man of fame, 
 Acquainted with Murat became, 
 Whose dad in Paris water carried, 
 Tho' Boney's sister he had married. 
 But consequence, no doubt, he feign'd, 
 As King of Naples late he reign'd. 
 Now general Boney, and his brother, 
 Created everlasting pother : 
 
30 DK. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Jn broils incessantly engaged, 
 Proconsul Aubrey they enraged; 
 So infamous their ways appear'd, 
 That both by Aubrey were cashier'd ; 
 To render them the army's scoff, 
 Their epaulets were taken off, 
 And, what the reader may think odd, 
 The gentlemen were sent to quod. 
 While Bonaparte in prison lay, 
 He vented curses every day, 
 And swore, as long as he should live 
 He Aubrey never wou'd forgive. 
 Some weeks in prison he remain'd, 
 At length his freedom he obtain'd ; 
 But with an order, as seem'd fit, 
 Immediately the town to quit. 
 Poor Nap, in very great distress, 
 Was now resolv'd to seek redress. 
 He walk'd to Paris ; for, to ride, 
 He was not with the cash supplied : 
 And 'tis a saying, and a true one, 
 He walk'd with scarcely any shoe on. 
 This trouble tho' he took, in vain, 
 For no redress cou'd be obtain; 
 Th' accounts which Aubrey had transmitted, 
 Did more, it seems, than all his wit did ; 
 With fervency did he petition, 
 They'd either grant him his dismission, 
 
NAPOLEON. ' ?A 
 
 Or, with intention to befriend him, 
 They'd to Constantinople send him. 
 Put all in vain poor Boney tried, 
 For his petitions were denied. 
 From house to house he'd often roam, 
 His quondum friends were — not at home; 
 Not even Barras would deign to see him, 
 And none from poverty would free him. 
 The wretched Boney, we are told, 
 Reduced, and shivering wiih the cold, 
 To public-houses used to rove, 
 And warm his hands before a stove ; 
 
 Nay, in Corozza, it is said, 
 
 A large score still remains unpaid. 
 
 He in an humble garret slept, 
 
 Which never very clean was kept, 
 
 Hence got he a disorder, which 
 
 The vulgar people call the '• itch." 
 
 Long might have been poor Nap'sdejection, 
 
 But for a pending insurrection ; 
 
 For now was entertained th' intention 
 
 Of overturning the Convention. 
 
 The party by Barras were led, 
 
 He of the rebels was the head ; 
 
 But, neither brave nor skilful reckon'd, 
 
 He wish'd to have an able second. 
 
 This task by many, as we find, 
 
 Was conscientiously declin'd ;' 
 
32 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 For every one of them well knew, 
 A dreadful slaughter must ensue. 
 Barras said, in a thinking mood, 
 " I know a rascal fond of blood — 
 A little Corsican blackguard, 
 But now to find him may be hard." 
 Then having mention'd Boney's name, 
 They all agreed upon the same; 
 And Tallian gladly undertook, 
 For the said Corsican to look. 
 Soon Boney on their honors waited, 
 Tho' all in rags, as it is stated ; 
 And matters being quick concluded, 
 No " saucy doubts or fears," intruded ; 
 Nap with a horse was soon provided, 
 And regimentals he beside had. 
 
 This scheme began they to contrive, 
 In seventeen hundred, ninety-five. 
 And of October, we may say, 
 The fourth was now a fatal day ! 
 For, lo ! the insurgents sallied out, 
 And desolation spread about ; 
 All honest opposition fail'd, 
 And blood-stain'd tyranny prevail'd : 
 Men, women, children, at a bitter rate, 
 The cries of " Treason," did reiterate, 
 But nothing could their fury quell, 
 For women, men, and children fell '. 
 
NAPOLEON. 33 
 
 Now, owing to this revolution, 
 Was formed another Constitution ; 
 Nap this assembly went to meet, 
 And laid his trophies at their feet; 
 These (rophies were eight thousand carcases, 
 Among the wounds, too, many a mark was his- 
 A second victory like this, 
 Was to Barras extatic bliss. 
 And Nap, for bravery extoll'd, 
 No longer a blackguard was call'd ; 
 But, as a hero now regarded, 
 Was amply by Barras rewarded. 
 
 In this life there is many a change, 
 As unexpected and as strange ■ 
 Then let us hope that this day's sorrow 
 May be tranquillity to-morrow : 
 For, mark you how our hero rose, 
 Who wanted, money, shoes, and clothes ; 
 All those he had — and, what is more, 
 His garret chang'd for a first floor ; 
 And such, too, was his happy lot, 
 That he a place for Lucien got ; 
 Who, after thia notorious slaughter, 
 Had married an innkeeper's daughter. 
 
34 DR. syntax's 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Of Boney's sudden elevation ; 
 
 His consequence in this new station ; 
 
 He leads a very happy life ; 
 
 Is recommended to a wife, 
 
 Who, a rich widow is reputed, 
 
 Altho' her spouse was executed. 
 
 Kjeu d' esprit a few reflections 
 
 Upon the fair and her connections. 
 Soon after the connubial bands, 
 TV Italian army Nap commands ; 
 His ign'rance of the situation ; 
 His name is held in detestation ; 
 His art and pompous proclamation. 
 A curious anecdote, which tends 
 To shew his disregard of friends. 
 His wonderful success in fight ; 
 He puts the Austrian to flight. 
 On Genoa he lays a claim ; 
 His want of gratitude and shame. 
 The way his army he equipp'd, 
 For which the Genoese are stripp'd. 
 He brings Sardinia to concessions ; 
 The oddity of his expressions. 
 
 } 
 
NAPOLEON. S5 
 
 His love of plunder his intention 
 
 To force Po passage a dissention. 
 
 In vain all counsel and dissuasion, 
 Nap's resolution on th' occasion. 
 He to the fatal bridge arrives; 
 A wanton sacrifice of lives. 
 Now, persevering in his plan, 
 He enters Pavia and Milan. 
 His perseverence, great success, 
 And his ridiculous address. 
 Bold insurrections — many a town, 
 The trees of liberty pull down ; 
 The consequences of the same ; 
 Our hero's riches, and his fame. 
 His great escape — resolves to cross 
 Another bridge — a dreadful loss. 
 Takes other means — a village sacks, 
 His good name calumny attacks. 
 His sudden and his strange affection, 
 With royalty he craves connection ; 
 The story being soon related. 
 By the Directory Nap's hated. 
 
 w wnmiiM 
 
 NAP changed on entering society, 
 Obscurity for notoriety ; 
 He to Barras only inferior, 
 Commands the army of th' interior. 
 As pride in office is essential, 
 His manners now were consequential ; 
 b3 
 
36 
 
 Conducting all affairs of weight, 
 
 The little man was very great ; 
 
 And by this sudden rise to dignity, 
 
 He gave full weight to his malignity. 
 
 Barras, now moved by his persuasions 5 
 
 Consulted him on all occasions ; 
 
 A greater compliment, too, paid he, 
 
 He got for him a cast-off lady : 
 
 A widow rich, as they relate, 
 
 But how so rich, 'tis hard to state ; 
 
 Her spouse, for politics reputed, 
 
 By Robespierre was executed, 
 
 And she was by Barras protected, 
 
 Till he at length the fair neglected : 
 
 However, she procured with great art, 
 
 A man of colour for a sweetheart ; 
 
 By which no fortune's manifested, 
 
 For men of colour are detested ; 
 
 They married would have been, moreover, 
 
 But that — in stepp'd another lover : 
 
 And thus became she, as before, 
 
 Another's, and another's whore. 
 
 Ajue d'esprit, which, you may read, 
 
 Compares her to a Bill indeed : 
 
 By Barras drawn, endors'd by C, 
 
 Accepted by our hero B. 
 
 There are some writers who pretend, 
 
 The lady's virtue to defend ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 37 
 
 For, in the character they draw, 
 She's guilty of but one faux pas; 
 But others, probably censorious, 
 Declare her lapses were notorious, 
 And that, devoid of sense and shame, 
 She even gloried in the same ; 
 So, reckoning all things, the amount is, 
 She was a condescending Countess. 
 The lady was, as it appears, 
 Older than Nap by twenty years ; 
 But, for a man, who scorn'd to prove 
 The votary or slave of love- 
 Whispering, soft nonsense, and such stuff, — 
 She certainly was good enough. 
 Short, like himself, and rather bulky, 
 But not so insolent and sulky. 
 As by Barras, too, recommended, 
 (No matter from what stock descended), 
 It certainly must be allow'd, 
 Of such a wife he should be proud. 
 So tack'd together, soon were seen, 
 Brave Boney and fair Josephine. 
 
 When this connubial match wasplann'd, 
 Th' Italian army to command, 
 Nap was appointed — tbo' of Italy 
 We are assured knew very little he : 
 
 b 3 
 
38 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 But, as the hero it befitted, 
 
 He kiss'd his wife, and Paris quitted. 
 
 Now Boney was disliked, I ken, 
 
 By all the officers and men ; 
 
 As a terrorist he was rated, 
 
 And as a Corsican was hated. 
 
 Besides, they doubted his abilities 
 
 As a conductor of hostilities. 
 
 But Nap was wise, and so anon, 
 
 Massena by cajoling won ; 
 
 To whose advice, we must confess, 
 
 He was indebted for success. 
 
 When at head-quarters he arrived, 
 This proclamation he contrived : 
 " Brave troops of Liberty and glory, 
 Behold the mountains now before ye — 
 And know that Lombardy's behind them— 
 The natives loyal, but don't mind them ; 
 Tis full of riches — that's the point, 
 For 'tis the very thing we want ; 
 You're hungry, and with rags you're clad, 
 But let not trifles make you sad ; 
 March on, my lads, and I'll content ye 
 With money, food, and clothes, in plenty." 
 
 Such was the army's sad condition, 
 They had no clothes nor ammunition ; 
 Besides, a scarcity of food, 
 And even that little was not good. 
 
NAPOtEON. 39 
 
 They had no money, may be said — 
 
 And why ? The men were never paid. 
 
 But his intentions wisely Nap hid, 
 
 Whose methods were as strange as rapid. 
 
 He promised, when he was appointed, 
 
 To get them every thing they wanted ; 
 
 And, what is more, too, their protector be, 
 
 Without expence to the Directory. 
 
 Now Boney kept his word — altho' 
 
 No man of honor, as we know, 
 
 And, in fulfilling it, I wot, 
 
 A man of honor he was not. 
 
 The Genoese his tools he made, 
 
 And under contribution laid ; 
 
 Not then at war with France, these folk 
 
 At first believed he was in joke ; 
 
 But Boney, in a tone imperious, 
 
 Assured them his demand was serious. 
 
 Our hero, from bis childhood, hated 
 
 This nation, as already stated ; 
 
 And this was probably the reason, 
 
 That their possessions fain he'd seize on. 
 
 Some wished to send a deputation, -\ 
 
 To represent the violation > 
 
 Of rights, they being a neutral nation ; * 
 
 But others, who were rather shy, 
 Thought it more prudent to comply; 
 
40 UK. syntax's 
 
 While Nap ironically said, 
 
 They should be gen'rously repaid. 
 
 In his deceptions he succeeded, 
 
 And now procur'd all that he needed. 
 
 His troops, who were with hunger nigh dead, 
 
 Were with good victuals soon provided ; 
 
 They for new clothes exchang'd their rags, 
 
 And then with rhino fill'd their bags ; 
 
 While Nap, as you may well believe, 
 
 These people laugh'd at in his sleeve. 
 
 So wonderful his operations, 
 
 The soldiers formed great expectations^ 
 
 In numbers being three to one, 
 
 A battle at Monte Notte he won ; 
 
 The Austrian general he defeated, 
 
 And, therefore, with huzzas was greeted. 
 
 But, tho' of this affair conductor, 
 
 Massena had been his instructor. 
 
 Tet, when (would you believe it, Bards?) 
 
 Nap's partner at a game of cards, 
 
 He scrupled not his friend t' abuse — 
 
 " Zounds ! general, how you make me lose! v 
 
 The general, patient all the while, 
 
 Thus answer d with a gracious smile, 
 
 " For such a loss don't care a pin, 
 
 Remember, Nap, I've made you win." 
 
 Tho' nothing but the truth he spoke, 
 
 Nap never cou'd forgive the joke ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 4>i 
 
 But still his friendship to retain, 
 He thought it best not to complain. 
 
 Now, Bonaparte the war renew'd, 
 And the poor Austrians pursued, 
 Who being suddenly surrounded, 
 Great numbers were destroy'd and wounded. 
 The French some men it must have cost, 
 But Nap ne'er told what he had lost ; 
 And from this rule he never swerv'd, 
 But always secrecy preserv'd. 
 So well supplied, as writers say, 
 With reinforcements ev'ry day, 
 He in his battles could persist, 
 Because the kill'd were never miss'd. 
 
 To Genoa our hero went, 
 And to his vengeance now gave vent ; 
 At once he prov'd his animosity, 
 By acting with extreme ferocity. 
 Perhaps some christians will exclaim, 
 " Oh ! where his honour ? Where his shame ? 
 How cou'd he devastation spread, 
 On those who had the hungry fed : 
 Had clothed his soldiers, naked, mean, 
 And covered what should not be seen — 
 Ah! most undoubtedly, for that he shou'd 
 Have testified his sense of gratitude." 
 Now Honour— which we hold so good,. 
 Republicans ne'er understood ; 
 
4* DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 According to their definition, 
 Twas perseverance and ambition. 
 At shame our hero always smil'd, 
 He scorn'd the word even when a child - r 
 For, tho' in ever such disgrace, 
 A blush was never on his face, 
 Because no warrior so famed, 
 Of any thing shou'd be ashamed. 
 Of Gratitude he never dreamt, 
 Terrorists held it in contempt ; 
 They laid this virtue on the shelf— 
 And every one was for himself. 
 Now, Nap hostilities renew'd, 
 And the poor Austrians pursu'd ; 
 He gave encouragement to spies, 
 And thus was reckon'd brave and wise ; 
 For, by such low and cunning ways, 
 He won three battles in five days ; 
 He play'd the deuce with the Sardinians, 
 And triumph'd over their dominions; 
 For, having failed in their positions, 
 They yielded to severe conditions. 
 By their humiliating concession, 
 He of their forts obtain'd possession. 
 How curious now his proclamations, 
 And how bombastic his orations — 
 All nations shou'd behold his bravery, 
 For he'd awaken them from slavery. 
 
NAPOLEON. 43 
 
 And such great things did he pretend 
 The enemy appeared a friend. 
 He practised with extreme felicity 
 Uncommon flatt'ry and duplicity : 
 To wheedle was his chief invention 
 When plunder was his sole intention, 
 Which Gen'ral Bonaparte thought no sin— 
 And then was the determined foe seen. 
 
 His wond'rous bravery to show 
 Our hero swore he'd cross the Po. 
 When this he mentioned, 'tis a fact, 
 His gen'rals thought his head was crack'd ; 
 The bridge, which he to cross intended, 
 Was by artillery defended. 
 So mad the scheme that every one strait 
 Began with Boney to remonstrate, 
 And pointed out 'twas not in war fit 
 Thus wantonly men's lives to forfeit. 
 But what cared he for any loss ? 
 He swore again the bridge he'd cross. 
 In the pursuit of any whim 
 The lives of men were nought to him; 
 His ruling passion was ambition, 
 And apathy his disposition. 
 For slaughter caring not a feather, 
 His grenadiers he call'd together, 
 He praised their valor, and with pains 
 Expatiated upon the gains 
 
44 dr. syntax's 
 
 Which wou'd attend the daring causer 
 
 The deed proposed, there was a pause — 
 
 However, as a sign of fear 
 
 Wou'd stigmatise a grenadier, 
 
 They begged before the undertaking 
 
 That they might have a merry-making ; 
 
 Now brandy instantly procured, 
 
 They bumpers after bumpers poured ; 
 
 Intoxication made them brave, 
 
 And Nap the fatal order gave ;. 
 
 But, as it was predicted well, 
 
 'Bout twenty columns quickly fell ! 
 
 Others immediately were call'd 
 
 And for their valor much extolFd — 
 
 The fatal word he gave again, 
 
 And in like, manner fell these men ! 
 
 Another summons issued strait, 
 
 And more than half met the same fate : 
 
 As a fresh order was not needed, 
 
 They forced their passage and succeeded. 
 
 Such magnanimity now shew'd he 
 
 Nap gain'd the victory of Lodi ; 
 
 But was not in the least concern'd 
 
 For all the blood by which 'twas earn'd : 
 
 He bragg'd of carrying his plan on 
 
 In spite of Austrians and cannon. 
 
 Flush'd with success he now began 
 To aim at Pavia and Milan, 
 

 « e 
 
 es ■« 
 
NAPOLEON. 4a 
 
 Ambition with success increases, 
 And so he seiz'd on other places ; 
 And managing affairs so prettily 
 He ruled all Lomhardy and Italy. 
 As soon as he achieved this wonder 
 He told his men to go and plunder; 
 They to obedience were inclined, 
 And seized on all that they could find. 
 The plunder of Milan was great, 
 Near fifty chests of silver plate. 
 From other towns did he contrive 
 To get of millions eighty five, 
 So very sudden Boney's actions, ' 
 Immense indeed were his exactions ; 
 
 But, tho' these robberies were daring, 
 
 His promises he still was fair in. 
 
 When of his ravages possess'd 
 
 Thus gravely he his men address'd : 
 " Brave fellows you have routed all ; 
 
 The world's obedient to your call. 
 
 We'll persevere for sake of peace, 
 
 And fight that battle soon may cease ; 
 
 Behold already what is done — 
 
 Milan is ours and Parma won! 
 
 As conquerors, the devil a bit will we 
 
 Spare Lombardy or even Italy ; 
 
 We'll break thro' all their boasted fences, 
 
 And they shall pay too our expences ; 
 
46 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 In every part we soon shall brag 
 
 Of hoisting the republic flag. 
 
 Brave men, your wives, your fathers, mothers, 
 
 Your sweethearts, and your sisters, brothers, 
 
 Will court your company for this 
 
 And meet you with extatic bliss! 
 
 And when our conquests we've encreas'd "J 
 
 Oh then we'll have a glorious feast, /■ 
 
 Four bottles each we'll drink at least— * 
 
 Think of this happiness anon, 
 
 And now, brave fellows, let's march on. 
 
 More laurels let us carry home 
 
 By giving liberty to Rome ; 
 
 Let us our victories pursue 
 
 And all our enemies subdue; 
 
 By heav'n we'll make them rue and groan, 
 
 Who burn'd our vessels at Toulon. 
 
 When independance we've erected 
 
 By all the world we'll be respected ; 
 
 Then animosity shall cease 
 
 And Europe have a glorious peace." 
 
 Now, as of Pavia and Cremona, 
 Nap got possession of Verona. 
 But shortly after, as it seems, 
 Was checked in many of his schemes ; 
 The natives of the conquer'd places 
 Rose up, as very oft the case is, 
 
NAPOLEON. 4T 
 
 Nor is it truly any wonder 
 That they should turn who're trodden under : 
 Now this occasion'd some alarms, 
 Milan and Pavia were in arms : 
 Nay, other places too rebell'd — 
 The trees of liberty they fell'd, 
 The national cockades they tore 
 And only their own colours wore. 
 Nap heard of this with great chagrin 
 And was resolv'd to vent his spleen. 
 He brought an army to Milan, 
 And then a massacre began. 
 All those who any weapons got 
 By his command were quickly shot— 
 And so much cruelty prevailed 
 Their honest efforts quickly failed. 
 He of Benasco made example, 
 Who dar'd upon his trees to trample. 
 Agreeable to his desire 
 His men the village set on fire, 
 And put th' inhabitants to death 
 As soon as they came out for breath ; 
 All instant dissolation shared 
 For neither age nor sex was spared ! 
 Nap, owing to these revolutions, 
 Exacted greater contributions ; 
 And having riches thus acquir'd, 
 He's for his wondrous skill admir'd. 
 
48 dr. syntax's 
 
 You'll ask what did he show his skill in ? 
 
 Mark then— owe murder makes a villain ; 
 
 But, as all writers will allow, 
 
 A million make a hero now ; 
 
 So, well may Nap be called a hero 
 
 Who far surpass'd blood-thirsty Nero. 
 
 Brave Wurrnser'gainstthe troops of France, 
 Put all his forces in advance, 
 And his attacks so bravely made 
 That Nap began to be afraid. 
 He, on the thirty first of July 
 A fortunate escape had truly : 
 It seems that evening as he stray 'd 
 Some Austrians in ambuscade 
 At three hussars who came before 
 Fired half a dozen shots or more; 
 Two quickly fell, but soon the third 
 Turned round his horse and gave the word ; 
 " Fly General — make haste, I say." 
 Nap very wisely ran away ; 
 For had he foolishly delay'd, 
 He'd then a prisoner have been made. 
 
 As Nap in treachery surpass'd, 
 The Austrians were beat at last. 
 Tho' disappointed and defeated 
 Still Wurmser his attacks repeated ; 
 He strove the contest to maintain, 
 But found all his endeavours vain. 
 
NAPOLEON. 49 
 
 For Nap, without the least decorum, 
 
 Push'd on and kick'd down all before him. 
 
 Areola's capture he intended 
 
 Which by Alvinzi was defended ; 
 
 Here was a bridge, which, as 'tis said, 
 
 Directly to the village led; 
 
 This he determined to cross o'er 
 
 As he'd at Lodi done before. 
 
 Alike the danger, for to cross it he 
 
 Was conscious needed much ferocity; 
 
 And to afford this double test, 
 
 His wav'ring troops he thus address'd— 
 
 " Remember that not long ago 
 
 Successfully we cross'd the Po; 
 
 Then let this dirty village see 
 
 Your courage, lads, and follow me." 
 
 But now so hot the Austrian fire in't, 
 
 That it drove back the daring tyrant. 
 
 His bravest men at once he lost, 
 
 And was obliged to change his post; 
 
 But turning (as he shou'd) about, 
 
 And taking now another route, 
 
 As some amends for the transgression, 
 
 He of the village got possession. 
 
 Thus Nap his consequence maintain'd, 
 
 And triumph after triumph gain'd. 
 
 Yet it appears that tell tale slander 
 Assail'd the fame of our commander ; 
 
 £ 
 
50 Br. syntax's 
 
 But envy, jealousy, and censure, 
 
 Have been the fate of all great men, sure. 
 
 The Paris newspapers atlack'd 
 
 His every wanton, wicked act; 
 
 Without considering, as they ought, 
 
 There is no man without a fault ; 
 
 And the Directory appear'd 
 
 So vex'd with the accounts they heard, 
 
 That to remove him they intended, 
 
 But his resentment apprehended ; 
 
 For now of royalty so fond he 
 
 They fear'd he'd join the Prince of Conde ; 
 
 So strong at this time his affection 
 
 With royalty he crav'd connection ; 
 
 He knew th' unhappy Louis's daughter 
 
 And eagerly for wife he saught her. 
 
 'Tis evident for Josephine 
 
 Our hero did not care a pin, 
 
 And 'twas a general observation 
 
 His marriage wanted consummation. 
 
 He to the Prince sent, as we're told, 
 
 A messenger his wish t' unfold. 
 
 This messenger, we understand, 
 
 Solicited her royal hand. 
 
 He said as Nap had fought so hard 
 
 That he was worthy her regard ; 
 
 A very great man, tho' so little he, 
 
 For he was conqueror of Italy. 
 
NAPOLEON. 51 
 
 But as it was no match, we guess 
 The messenger had no success. 
 Now the Directory had made 
 This very man a spy, 'tis said, 
 And what for Nap he had propos'd, 
 To them he candidly disclosed. 
 So, as historians further tell us, 
 Of Boney they became quite jealous, 
 But all their jealousy, it seems, 
 Prevented not his hostile schemes;. 
 He persevered, as he'd begun, 
 And battle after battle won, 
 
 e2 
 
5t DR. syntax's 
 
 CANTO IV. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap gives his avarice full scope, 
 
 And pays a visit to the Pope. 
 
 He seizes Mantua, and by fame 
 
 Is much exalled in his name. 
 
 The papal soldiers forced to yield ; 
 
 Boney dissembles in the field. 
 
 The clergy summon'd at his call, 
 
 Our hero preaches to them all : 
 
 He gives his honour to protect — 
 
 Of this his promise the effect. 
 
 The Pope writes to him in distress, 
 
 Nap's answer to his Holiness. 
 
 The heavy sums which he exacts, 
 
 With other entertaining facts. 
 
 The precious heaps which off he carries 
 
 To be exhibited in Paris. 
 
 The honour which for Nap's design'd — 
 
 The reason why it is declin'd. 
 
 The Austrians and he at cuffs — 
 
 His secrecy, his lies, and puffs — 
 
 His mode of getting rid of men 
 
 Who are not fit to fight again — 
 
NAPOLEON. 53 
 
 His great escape — impetuosity, 
 
 Dissimulation, and pomposity. 
 
 Hostilities are still repeated — 
 
 The Archduke Charles by Nap's defeated. 
 
 He to Vienna paves the way, 
 
 His great and universal sway — 
 
 His pompous letter— he's inclin'd 
 
 To mercy, and a peace is sign'd. 
 
 Our hero, with deliberation, 
 
 Of Venice plans the reformation. 
 
 He, thus increasing in his fame, 
 
 For Genoa performs the same. 
 
 Returns to Paris — is neglected, 
 
 Not being honor'd as expected. 
 
 WITH his possessions not content, 
 On getting more was Boney bent ; 
 So like a miser did he act, 
 The more he had, the more he lack'd. 
 We have already told his tricks 
 In seventeen hundred ninety-six; 
 And now his frolics shall be given 
 In sev'nteen hundred ninety-seven. 
 
 Nap long had entertained the hope 
 Of seeing very soon the Pope : 
 Not with his mighty body low 
 To kiss his holiness's toe. 
 But with the view, it may be said, 
 Upon his holiness to tread. 
 S3 
 
54 DR. SYNTAX S 
 
 Revenues plentiful he thought 
 
 Might from the Roman states be brought, 
 
 And therefore Nap, without delay, 
 
 For his grand project pav'd the way. 
 
 Now Mantua was soon invested, 
 And from its brave defenders wrested. 
 For this our hero was extoll'd, 
 A Hannibal and Scipio call'd. 
 The Papal territories next 
 This wond'rous little man perplex'd ; 
 For in the narratives of some 
 Nap Boney far surpassed Tom Thumb. 
 But this however should be told, 
 Pope Pius was both weak and old : 
 And as he was without assistance, 
 How could the invaders be dismiss'd hence I 
 Yet be it candidly confest 
 The Papal soldiers did their best; 
 Five hundred lost they in the field, 
 Ere prudence prompted them to yield. 
 By the lepublicans defeated 
 They to Fienza soon retreated — 
 The fasten'd gates they placed a hope in, 
 Which cannon furiously burst open. 
 Now Boney, when the breach was made, 
 Consummate policy display'd- 
 He put a stop to, for a wonder, 
 All acts of violence and plunder, 
 
NAPOLEON. 55 
 
 And fifty pris'ners sent away, 
 To tell their countrymen that they 
 Were in no danger of dissentions, 
 For amicable his intentions: 
 They were, moreover, to explain 
 That all resistance would be vain. 
 
 While for the church the clergy trembled 
 They also were by Nap assembled ; 
 For now did Bonaparte determine 
 To preach to ministers a sermon ; 
 And therefore with dissimulation 
 He talk'd of peace and moderation — 
 Declared that bloodshed was terrific, 
 And hoped their measures were pacific. 
 He told them they were in no lurch, 
 For he respected much the church, 
 And hop'd that clergymen would be 
 As merciful and kind as he ! 
 He warn'd them too of insurrection, 
 For then he'd give them no protection: 
 If one of them should dare connive at 
 Rebellious meetings held in private, 
 Or in a treas'nable dispute bawl, 
 His head shou'd be the soldiers' football ; 
 He said resistance could not profit, 
 So he thought fit to tell them of it : 
 And was in words so very fluent, 
 It to the clergy seem'd a true hint: 
 E 4 
 
56 dr. syntax's 
 
 He swore that the French armies now were foil 
 Of troops the bravest and most powerful. 
 Then of religion talk'd he much, 
 And said his principles were such 
 He would not do it any harm, 
 For in religion was a charm — 
 He'd on the Pope lay no commands, 
 But merely this — he must shake hands 
 With democrats, who ne'er commit a sin, 
 And be like them a loorthy Citizen. 
 Their apprehensions were so great, 
 His speechifying had some weight. 
 They'd heard indeed of his manoeuvres, 
 Which all have surely heard of, who've ears; 
 And lest he might display uncommon hate 
 Their fears began now to predominate. 
 But this would not have been the fact, if 
 The Pope had been both young and active ; 
 Quite unprepared for opposition 
 To Nap he yielded with submission : 
 And in Nap's honor too he trusted, 
 All would be quietly adjusted. 
 Some of his garrisons however 
 T' oppose th' invader did endeavour : 
 In vain the contest they maintain'd, 
 Superior force the vict'ry gain'd — 
 Amaz'd his holiness appear'd 
 When these hostilities he heard, 
 
NAPOLEON. 57 
 
 Ancona's plunder did he rue, 
 Urbina's and Loretta's too — 
 And with anxiety and fright 
 To Boney he was pleased to write ; 
 Beseeching him, with meek expressions, 
 Not to take from him his possessions. 
 Nap told him in an answer sent 
 That all was friendship which he meant, 
 And said that those who'd studied so 
 To represent him as a foe 
 Were terrible, inveterate liars, 
 Not fit t' associate with the friars. 
 His aim, he added, with some vanity, 
 Was moderation and humanity. 
 But this humanity was shown 
 In a strange manner we must own, 
 As Nap (for his extortions fam'd), 
 Of livres twenty millions claim'd ; 
 Which sum, we also understand, 
 Pope Pius paid upon demand; 
 And sixteen millions more, they say, 
 Was bound in two months time to pay. 
 With these exactions not content, 
 To further lengths our hero went ; 
 A hundred paintings, and the best, 
 Were, we are told, his next request. 
 At his desire the precious heaps came, 
 (It was indeed a very deep scheme), 
 
.38 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Loretta's statues so pleas'd Boney 
 
 They instantly pack'd up Madona: 
 
 These relics then, without delay, 
 
 To Paris Boney sent away ; 
 
 And there they formed an exhibition- 
 
 As proof of Papal superstition. 
 
 Now the Directory, indeed, 
 
 Were so delighted, they agreed 
 
 That Nap, invincible in fight held, 
 
 Should be Italicus entitled. 
 
 This honour, then in contemplation, 
 
 Was laid by, on consideration, 
 
 As titles were not in reality 
 
 A demonstration of equality ; 
 
 And as republican simplicity 
 
 Admitted not of such publicity. 
 
 When Boney had (his usual act), 
 
 The papal territories sack'd, 
 
 Th' unhappy Pope, it is well known, 
 
 Was forc'd to abdicate his throne — 
 
 And in this curious manner ended 
 
 The friendship Bonaparte pretended. 
 
 Again he Mantua invested, 
 
 Whose cause by Wurmser was contested : 
 
 And now the Austrians appear 
 
 To've stopp'd awhile his bold career, 
 
 Indeed, whene'er in numbers equal, 
 
 They were victorious in the sequel. 
 

 ==< 
 
 1=3 
 
 
NAPOLEON. 59 
 
 But Boney always this conceal'd — 
 Disasters never were reveal'd ; 
 He his dispatches fill'd with lies, 
 And puffs, which he accounted wise; 
 Whate'er his officers did well, 
 He'd of himself the story tell — 
 And say — ambitious to outdo men, 
 His victories were gain'd by few men ; 
 For, in his figures, we all know, 
 He'd often leave out a round 0, 
 Save when it was great Nap's intent 
 His pris'ners numbers to augment, 
 Or tell the thousands that he slew, 
 And then he'd add an or two. . 
 Of Boney — this we must declare, 
 Inactive men he could not bear ; 
 So, when among the sick and wounded, 
 Some tedious maladies abounded, 
 The surgeons secretly were bid, 
 To get of all such lumber rid — 
 A mark was set upon each bed, 
 And they were thrown among the dead ; 
 Off in a waggon they were hurried, 
 And half alive the men were buried. 
 'Tis strange, on visiting the sick, 
 How men cou'd execute this trick ! 
 When Boney Salo had defeated, 
 He this barbarity repeated. 
 
60 DE. SYKTAX'S 
 
 It seems, the dying and the wounded, 
 
 After this action, much abounded ; 
 
 But Nap the fatal order gave, 
 
 Five waggons brought them to their grave j 
 
 Into a stinking ditch they threw 
 
 At midnight the unhappy crew. 
 
 And with eight loads of burning lime, 
 
 They covered them at the same time ; 
 
 Which, falling on their wounds and sores, 
 
 Occasioned such tremendous roars, 
 
 That the poor curate, with the fright, 
 
 They say, died on that very night. 
 
 Some readers probably may wonder, 
 
 That he the Austrians kept under, 
 
 Who had before his progress check'd ; 
 
 But, let those readers recollect, 
 
 When battles daily are renew'd, 
 
 And all advantages pursued 
 
 With such rapidity as he did, 
 
 It is no wonder he succeeded. 
 
 Besides, he practised, for success, 
 
 Dissimulation and finesse. 
 
 Four thousand Austrians, late defeated, 
 
 Lonado with a summons greeted, 
 
 And would have forced it to surrender, 
 
 But for the craft of its defender. 
 
 For Boney, 'tis related, then 
 
 Had in it but twelve hundred men j 
 
NAPOLEON. 61 
 
 However he, both grave and bold, 
 
 The bearer of the summons told, 
 
 His general was surely mad, 
 
 For he all the French army had, 
 
 And if he did not quickly 3'ield, 
 
 He should behold them in the field, 
 
 But added — " be it understood, 
 
 I wish not to endanger blood." 
 
 The Austrian gen'ral was confounded, 
 
 On hearing the French troops abounded; 
 
 And judging that ihe news was candid, 
 
 A parley instantly demanded. 
 
 But Nap would not consent — no doubt, 
 
 For fear the lie would be found out ; 
 
 In vain, he swore, were all petitions, 
 
 For he'd attend to no conditions, 
 
 And call'd for, to increase his fears, 
 
 Artillery and grenadiers. 
 
 So well he acted these alarms, 
 
 The Austrians laid down their arms. 
 
 No wonder that our hero made 
 
 Of this a boast — a gasconade, 
 
 For every one knows his pomposity, 
 
 Is equal to his animosity. 
 
 Of this we'll give an ample test, 
 
 For thus he messengers addressed — 
 
 *' Go, tell your general, if he try, 
 
 T' insult my army — herb am I : 
 
62 dr. syntax's 
 
 Go, tell him, therefore, to be wise, 
 And take the bandage from his eyes, 
 That in the centre of my crew, 
 He general Bonaparte may view." 
 If, from his boasting we judge right, 
 This little man was a great sight ; 
 His tone, which he was wont t' address 'em in, 
 Is of his arrogance a specimen. 
 Prince Charles, who now had the command, 
 Gainst Boney made a valiant stand ; 
 The Tagliamento he defended, 
 But all in vain, it seems, contended, 
 For Boney got so great a sway, 
 As to Vienna pav'd his way; 
 In short, the hero of our story, 
 Attained considerable glory ; 
 For he maintain'd entire controul 
 O'er Clausin, Inspruck, and the Tyrol ; 
 Dreading his glory's termination, 
 He tried now a negotiation ; 
 And, to affect his purpose better, 
 To the Archduke he wrote a letter, 
 Which he pretended that he sent 
 With a benevolent intent ; 
 For he declared, in pompous style, 
 That shedding human blood was vile ; 
 And as it gave him such a heart-ache, 
 It made him this pacific part take — 
 
K 
 
 
 a 
 
 K 
 w 
 
 ^ 
 
 
NAPOLEON. 63 
 
 " For," added he, " I do assure you, 
 I cannot bear this hostile fury ; 
 Of saving lives, I'm prouder far 
 Than all the honours gain'd in war." 
 As struggling prov'd of little use, 
 The Austrians implored a truce ; 
 For ten da}"s only it was granted, 
 Tho' for a longer period wanted. 
 Nap meant a speedy peace t' obtain, 
 Or back to Paris march again ; 
 So strove, as history affirms, 
 To bully them into his terms. 
 The peace of Leobin being signed, 
 Now Boney is employ'd, we find, 
 In planning the downfal of Venice 
 By subtle flattery, not menace ; 
 He promised them regeneration, 
 And thus deluded the poor nation ; 
 Indeed he pillaged every place, 
 Yet boasted with a brazen face 
 Of giving the Venetians freedom, 
 Who cou'd in impudence exceed him? 
 This reformation having made, 
 The Genoese he quickly sway'd ; 
 They of their good things were bereft, 
 Save their religion — that he left. 
 Thus ceremony having spurn'd, 
 To Paris the brave Nap retum'd. 
 
64 dr. syntax's 
 
 But, to his sorrow, was neglected, 
 
 For great rewards he now expected. 
 
 It seems that some told many a lie of him, 
 
 For the Directory were shy of him. 
 
 And, as some gentlemen conjecture, 
 
 From Josephine he got a lecture ; ' 
 
 For she had heard of an amour, 
 
 Which vexed her much, you may be sure : 
 
 To a king's daughter, it is said, 
 
 Her husband his addresses paid. 
 
 The man he sent with the proposal, 
 
 Was so unkind as to disclose all. 
 
 Each wondered at this strange affection, 
 
 To crave with royalty connection ! 
 
 And never fair was more chagrin'd, 
 
 Than Josephine when it got wind*. 
 
 But Boney was a hero, therefore 
 
 A woman's tongue he did not care for. 
 
 * Dean Swift used to say, no one could/«d rhime for 
 wind; but, had he lived to have seen this poem, he 
 would, no doubt, have been glad to rescind the allega- 
 tion. 
 
IJAPOLEON. 6"; 
 
 CANTO V. 
 
 1 ARGUMENT. 
 
 In fear now, the Directory met — 
 Nap's sway — his insolence — a fit — 
 His pompous speech — a bold design, 
 Which, for the present, they decline. 
 To Switzerland our hero goes, 
 But soon prepares for other foes — 
 He gives his Josephine a kiss — 
 Remarks on their connubial bliss. 
 He steers for Malta — an invasion- 
 Sad treachery on the occasion ; 
 He seizes Gaza, aud excites 
 Alarms — his speeches to the Knights. 
 A massacre — by which transgression, 
 Nap of Poletta gets possession ; 
 He banishes the faithful Knights, 
 And in extortion still delights ; 
 But, in the middle of his glory, 
 His mother writes him a sad story. 
 Still persevering in his deeds, 
 To Egypt he forthwith proceeds ; 
 His proclamations — his decrees, 
 And his aversion to the Beys — 
 His letter — and a slaughter vile: 
 Our hero now ascends the Nile } 
 
CK> DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Of Cairo a complete invasion, 
 An entertainment on th' occasion. 
 The natives shew their discontent, 
 And of their freedom now repent. 
 The general Divan— their election — 
 Their gravity — an insurrection, 
 Consequent slaughter and confusion — 
 Nap's tardy kindness — the conclusion. 
 
 NOW the Directory began 
 
 To tremble at th' all-conquering man ; 
 
 So great Nap's power, that its extension 
 
 Was a just cause of apprehension. 
 
 They heard what travellers had said, 
 
 And therefore were the more afraid; 
 
 They heard of his great indignation 
 
 During the late negotiation. 
 
 He with the Ministers displeased, 
 
 A china vase in anger seized, 
 
 And dashing it against the ground, 
 
 Exclaimed with a terrific sound— 
 
 " Accept my terms — by heav'n you must! 
 
 Or I'll reduce you thus to dust !" 
 
 Reuown'd for being such a Hector, he 
 
 Became a pest to the Directory. 
 
NA20LEON. 67 
 
 Yet, his return obliged to greet, 
 'Twas celebrated with a fete ; 
 And during this grand celebration, 
 Boney delivered an oration — 
 Delivered i — No — instead of that, 
 He had the copy in his hat ; 
 But, as it might affect his credit, 
 We'll not directly say he read it. 
 Such were his gestures, voice, and' look, 
 No wonder every person shook ; 
 He roar'd to an unknown degree, 
 By heav'n all Europe shall be free!" 
 The building trembled with the roar, 
 But the Direct'ry trembled more. 
 Among themselves they had indeed, 
 On Nap's departure all agreed ; 
 For, one of his prodigious sway, 
 'Twas policy to send away. 
 So Barras, who had such a wise head, 
 Albion's immediate fall advised. 
 And to send Boney, he thought best, 
 To head the army in the West, 
 Which had a pompous appellation, 
 As 'twas to rout the English nation ; 
 The " Army of England" it was named, 
 Though never for an action famed ; 
 They had, indeed, for the occasion, 
 (We mean, of the resolv'd invasion), 
 12 
 
88 »k. syntax's 
 
 Rafts and balloons, and ships for diving, 
 
 And other matters were contriving. 
 
 The business settled, Barras wrote 
 
 To his dear Bonaparte a note — 
 
 " Your loving friend now reinstates you, 
 
 " Another victory awaits you — 
 
 " To Albion's shores conduct your army, 
 
 " There's nothing there that can alarm you ; 
 
 " I will each necessary thing lend, 
 
 " That you may sack the Bank of England; 
 
 " On London's Tower let them see 
 
 " The standard of French Liberty." 
 
 Some of the Ministers, it seems, 
 
 Thought this the maddest of all schemes ; 
 
 Tho' Barras with fine words embellish' d it — 
 
 Not even Mr. Boney relish'd it ; 
 
 And very soon, it must be own'd, 
 
 The project wisely was postpon'd. 
 
 A deeper scheme brave Nap pursued, 
 
 For, when the army he reviewed, 
 
 Which made of England's name a boast, 
 
 He led them to the Channel's coast ; 
 
 Soon after, for some great intent, 
 
 To Switzerland our hero went. 
 
 He had, no doubt, in meditation, 
 
 Poor Switzerland's regeneration ; 
 
 Yet as it had but little treasure, 
 
 It did not promise him much pleasure. 
 
NAPOLEON. 6<) 
 
 Still the Directory, we hear, 
 Betray'd considerable fear, 
 Lest Nap might his appointment throw up, 
 And instigate a dreadful bloio-up. 
 So now, to gratify ambition, 
 They plann'd another expedition — 
 And this was Egypt's quick reduction, 
 Or, if it held out, its destruction. 
 The scheme was put in execution, 
 It was a hasty resolution ; 
 But that it met his approbation, 
 Nap gave this ample demonstration — 
 For, lo! no sooner was it started, 
 Than off for Egypt he departed ; 
 But, ere his Josephine he quitted, 
 A kiss he gave, while time permitted 
 One kiss was better, sure, than twenty, 
 For surfeits are produced by plenty ; 
 He swore (the Muse must not forget) 
 He left the lady with regret, 
 
 And added, which he might have proved, 
 
 He cou'd not tell how much he loved ; 
 
 As certainly it was a match, meant 
 
 For interest, and not attachment. 
 
 The lady's cash, we must confess, 
 
 Assisted him when in distress ; 
 
 And tho* punctilios Boney spurn'd, 
 
 The compliment he now return'd ; 
 f3 
 
70 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 For she, to keep her in good heakrj, 
 
 Had some of his Italian wealth. 
 
 His exit, she esteem'd a favour, 
 
 And no offence his absence gave her, 
 
 Por, while abroad he was employ'd, 
 
 Much satisfaction she enjoy 'd ; 
 
 And as at victories he aim'd, 
 
 Now horns the conqueror proclaini'd. 
 
 Th' auspicious moment having hail'd, 
 
 Our hero with his army sail'd ; 
 
 To Malta quick their course they shaped, 
 
 And Nelson luckily escaped. 
 
 When near the place, Nap thought it better 
 
 To send the Governor a letter: 
 He hospitality demanded 
 For all his forces, when they landed j 
 But, when the letter was perused, 
 This the Grand Master soon refused ; 
 The style thereof was so imperious, 
 He did not think the author serious. 
 Thus disappointed, Nap, of course, 
 Hesolved to make them kind by force. 
 It seems, at this time, the commander 
 Of Fort St. George was a mere gander, 
 One only cannon-shot was heard, 
 When the great conqueror appear'd ; 
 He occupied the post he needed, 
 And thus by treachery succeeded ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 71 
 
 If not by treachery, we'll add, 
 By cowardice, and that's as bad. 
 But certainly the Muse has reason 
 To think that there was secret treason. 
 Next morning Gaza quickly won, 
 The revolution was begun. 
 He sent his soldiers now to plunder, 
 Which fill'd th' inhabitants with wonder ; 
 In their defence they arms employ'd, 
 And many of the thieves destroy'd ; 
 In horror and confusion dread 
 They with their valuables fled. 
 But Nap the fugitives pursued, 
 And sanguinary work renewed; 
 He so succeeded by his spies, 
 To propagate a thousand lies, 
 That all the natives were afraid, 
 By their own Knights they were betray'd ; 
 The Knights supposed themselves forsaken, 
 And soon as prisoners were taken. 
 Deluded, threatened, and persuaded, 
 No wonder Malta was invaded. 
 Those who their treasures thither brought, 
 And in Valetta refuge sought, 
 With greater apprehensions throbb'd — 
 For, lo ! they brought them — to be robbed. 
 Now Nap, of boasting always glad, 
 The captive Knights before him had; ' 
 f4 
 
72 dk. syntax's 
 
 Eighteen of whom were French, and those 
 
 He thus address'd with cock'd-up nose : 
 
 " I cannot bear to see a Knight, 
 
 Who, 'gainst his country dares to fight ; 
 
 You all deserve to go to pot, 
 
 Be thankful, then, you are not shot." 
 
 Then, altering his tone — anon, 
 
 With arms a-kimbo, he went on, 
 
 " Was't possible that you could hope, 
 
 By aid of peasantry, to cope 
 
 With troops who have subdued all Europe ? 
 
 It was, indeed, a vain and poor hope." 
 
 Valetta closely was invested, 
 
 Though the inhabitants their best did; 
 
 And great indeed their rage and frenzy, 
 
 Which none, we hope, may e'er again see ; 
 
 For in profusion blood was shed, 
 
 All owing to the rumours spread ; 
 
 For Boney thought it was no sin, 
 
 This mischief to create within ; 
 
 While he before the city stood, 
 
 And calmly saw this waste of blood, 
 
 Which such a dreadful height had gain'd 
 
 That the Grand Master's house was stain'd. 
 
 The Maltese frighten'd and amaz'd 
 
 Thought Nap great batteries had raised. 
 
 The Master sent with consternation 
 
 To treat for a pacification — 
 
NAPOLEON. 73 
 
 But Nap before they had agreed 
 
 Entered the city with full speed; 
 
 And as he studied no decorum 
 
 He kick'd their ancient forms before him — 
 
 Unnecessary these, because 
 
 He meant to give them wholesome laws.' 
 
 As exiles now the knights were branded 
 
 For they by Boney were commanded 
 
 The country in three days to quit ; 
 
 No longer stay would he permit ; 
 
 And for their flight to be equipp'd 
 
 They of their property were stripp'd. 
 
 On a conscription he insisted, 
 
 And the Grand Master's guards enlisted. 
 
 In short so much brave Nap exacted 
 
 That all the Maltese were distracted. 
 
 But Boney, midst this blaze oj glory, 
 
 Was told a most afflicting story : 
 
 From his mamma a letter came 
 
 Which was a draw-back to his fame; 
 
 She wrote that on the very day 
 
 He sail'd, his wife had run away, 
 
 And that his friend, too, had attended her; 
 
 For Barras still, it seems, befriended her. 
 
 With philosophic calmness tho* 
 
 Our hero met this dreadful blow, 
 
 He utter'd once * the devil take her," 
 
 And twice he damn'd the cuckold-maker. 
 
74 dr. syntax's 
 
 But Nap, who was indeed a true man, 
 Would never fret about a woman ; 
 So, disregarding all that she did, 
 To Egypt Buonaparte proceeded, 
 As brave as ever he appeared, 
 And in his conquests persevered. 
 He had a printed proclamation 
 Among his troops in circulation, 
 Inviting them like ancient Romans 
 To let their deeds be those of no man's — 
 For greater their effects wou'd be then, 
 Surprising Mussulman and Heathen; 
 He added, which appears to read 
 A piece of irony indeed — 
 " To all religions be afforded 
 The same respect you heretofore did." 
 Now to delude the Egyptian nation 
 He issued this strange proclamation — 
 " Cadis, Cheiks, Imans, Cherbagees 
 You shall be happy and at ease — 
 The friend of liberty arrives 
 To render tranquil all your lives. 
 I'll punish instantly the Beys 
 And all your other enemies— 
 They'll say we're come your state 't annoy 
 And your religion to destroy — 
 Biit don't believe them — pray be wise, 
 For such assertions are base lies ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 75 
 
 I do assure you, o'er and o'er, 
 The holy Koran we adore. 
 We're all true Mussulmen belov'd, 
 As by our actions can be prov'd, 
 For we've thought proper to o'ercome, 
 And to dethrone the Pope of Rome, 
 Whose holiness, as it appears, 
 Was setting nations by the ears ; 
 For he endeavour'd, as all know, 
 Mahometans to overthrow ; 
 We have (a proof we're no deceivers), 
 Chastis'd the Maltese unbelievers, 
 Who, impious wretches ! thought indeed 
 They by th' Almighty were decreed 
 Th' Ottoman countries to demolish, 
 And their religion to abolish — 
 But we have punished with propriety 
 False sanctity and base impiety. 
 Then brave Egyptians never fear 
 For we are honourable and sincere, 
 The friends of all the friendly pow'rs 
 While all your enemies are ours. 
 We'll soon annihilate the Beys, 
 And therefore issue these decrees. — " 
 
 " To those who testify affection 
 We'll give our friendship and protection. 
 All distant places must think fit 
 To send us word that they submit, 
 
76 mi. syntax's 
 
 And as a proof too that they do 
 
 Must hoist our flag— white, red, and blue. 
 
 " All places which oppose our way 
 Shall be burn'd down without delay. 
 
 " The Chieks immediately shall seize 
 The property of all the Beys, 
 Which they their seals too shall affix 
 And watch to hinder thievish tricks." 
 
 He now concluded his decrees, 
 With orders they should curse the Beys, 
 And that each man at home should stay 
 As usual his pray'rs to say. 
 Nap for a creed was at no loss ; 
 He gladly bow'd before the cross 
 When entertaining the fond hope 
 Of getting riches from the Pope; 
 And now, with similar parade, 
 His God of Mahomet he made, 
 But by all writers 'tis agreed 
 An atheist was he indeed. 
 Now to the man of greatest note 
 At Alexandria thus he wrote— 
 
 " The Beys shall instantly beg pardon, 
 For they our merchants have been hard on ; 
 They shall repent of each exaction 
 For I am come for satisfaction — i 
 To-morrow (I am alvtays free), 
 At Alexandria I shall be — 
 
NAPOLEON. 77 
 
 This should not tho', good Sir, alarm you, 
 For if you're friendly I'll not harm you ; 
 But then depend on't, if 3 r ou go 
 To cross work, I shall be a foe ; 
 Yet I assure you I'm inclin'd 
 To be both merciful and kind, 
 For mine's an honest generous heart! 
 " Your humble servant, 
 
 " Bonaparte." 
 
 Soon Alexandria he attack'd 
 Which needful preparations lack'd ; 
 For its defence 'twas unprotected, 
 As no invaders were expected. 
 The Turks however gave some blows 
 As every reader may suppose, 
 But Nap, who'd lost two hundred men, 
 Was now a conqueror again! 
 He took the city by surprise, 
 For he was always very wise, 
 And with extreme amaze and dread 
 To mosques the people quickly fled. 
 Regenerators yet annoy'd them, 
 For they o'ertook and soon deslroy'd them; 
 And, horrible indeed to tell, 
 Both men and w v omen quickly fell ; 
 Nay, even the infants at the breast! 
 How sad the cries of the distrest! 
 
78 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 As trophies of this glorious fight, 
 
 The spears held up the babes to sight ; 
 
 While this unparalleled ferocity 
 
 Was call'd amazing generosity. 
 
 Now other nations to beguile 
 
 Bold Nap prepar'd to ascend the Nile. 
 
 No opposition cou'd he brook 
 
 So Cairo instantly he took ; 
 
 'Twas not with bravery defended, 
 
 For which the people he commended. 
 
 A new part now our hero play'd, 
 
 He was a conjuror, 'tis said; 
 
 And wond'rous wisdom he affected 
 
 In order to be more respected. 
 
 For as he spies of ev'ry sort had 
 
 'Twas all about the place reported, 
 
 That he knew well, by inspiration, 
 
 Each private thought and meditation ; 
 
 To have it credited, he wanted, 
 
 That he by heav'n had been appointed 
 
 The friends of Mahomet to wort, 
 
 And his religion to support. 
 
 In this strange manner, 'tis asserted, 
 
 This simple nation he diverted. 
 
 He went the Pyramids to visit, 
 Beholding one, he asked, " What is it?" 
 " The work of an Egyptian king," 
 The Mufti said ; " A wond'rous thing," 
 
a- 
 
 ft 
 
NAPOLEON. 79 
 
 Cried Boney, and indeed no phiz 
 
 Display'd more gravity than his. 
 
 " A wondrous thing I needs must say, — 
 
 Honour to Allah, — lead the way." 
 
 Our hero now for a long while 
 
 Affected th' Oriental style. 
 
 A conversation too he held, 
 
 But let the muse not be compell'd 
 
 To give it here, as every one, since, 
 
 Allows that it was downright nonsense. 
 
 Their minds with grandeur to impress, 
 And the republican success 
 To celebrate, our hero brave 
 A jolly entertainment gave — 
 Great preparations had been made, 
 The cap of liberty display'd ; 
 The French and Turkish flags united, 
 And all the noblemen invited ; 
 Forgetting the late executions 
 The troops went thro' their evolutions, 
 A hymn occasional they sung, 
 While with applause the circus rung ; 
 Then was pronounced a proclamation 
 Which recommended moderation — 
 Strange moderation tho' they show'd, 
 For now of wine the bumpers flow'd, 
 Which though the prophet took amiss 
 Nap disagreed with him in this ; 
 
80 DR. SYNTA'XS 
 
 In all things else but getting mellow, 
 He deem'd the prophet a wise fellow. 
 When Nap a dozen toasts repeated, 
 With fireworks and games the}' all were treated. 
 It seems that Boney's proclamations 
 Could not prevent some fomentations; 
 The natives now began to see 
 They were not tranquilliz'd and free ; 
 They found of kindred not a few dead, 
 And therefore thought they were deluded : 
 Nap promised men for their protection, 
 And gave them freedom of election, 
 But by himself those men were chosen, 
 (He thought to break a promise no sin), 
 And when th' assembly were proclaim'd, 
 " The General Divan," they were naai'd ; 
 In Turkish garments they were clad, 
 And beards of flowing length they had; 
 Which to their persons honor gave, 
 They look'd so very wise and grave. " 
 But as each law in agitation 
 Must meet with Boney's approbation, 
 They must be blind who could not see 
 That lord and master still was he. 
 
 Mock liberty caus'd disaffection, 
 And soon commenced an insurrection. 
 According to our hero's plan 
 Of course a massacre began— « 
 
s 
 
 w 
 

 NAPOLEON. 81 
 
 The streets were clear'd, and all the men 
 Ran to the mosques for refuge then. 
 The troops tho', having forc'd the doors, 
 Strew'd with combustibles the floors, 
 And such indeed the conflagration 
 It was a grand illumination : 
 With screams and groans the air was fill'd, 
 For some were burn'd, and some were kill'd — 
 All indiscriminately slain, 
 Who had for quarter begg'd in vain. 
 At length our hero was inclin'd, 
 
 Tho' somewhat slowly, to be kind : 
 He granted quarter, and he trusted 
 
 All would be quietly adjusted. 
 
 He knew, which certainly was verified, 
 
 They had sufficiently been terrified ! 
 
 And so it seems — for never rose 
 
 The natives more brave Nap t' oppose. 
 
 Such rig'rous measures he maintain'd 
 
 That lord and master he remain'd, 
 
 And all were very happy deetn'd, 
 
 Tho' gloomy happiness it seem'd. 
 
82 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 CANTO VI. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap, for another expedition, 
 Resolves on Syria's demolition ; 
 The Pacha, who begins t' abhor him 
 Makes all due preparation for him, 
 His great escape, when 't will be found 
 'Twas not his fortune to be drown'd. 
 His imposition— proclamation— 
 But all in vain its circulation. 
 Turkey is furnished with supplies, 
 England and Russia her allies. 
 Poor Nap, who difficulties meets, 
 .El Arish with a summons greets ; 
 By cunning, of a novel sort, 
 He gets possession of the fort. 
 To Palestine he pushes on, 
 And marks out Gaza to be won. 
 The heights of Korsum he ascends, 
 But meets with foes instead of friends: 
 Of Gaza's fare he now partakes 
 And a good hearty dinner makes. 
 To Jaffa Boney next proceeds; 
 His bold and sanguinary deeds— 
 
NAPOLEON. S3 
 
 He dooms his prisoners to die ; 
 A janizary's brave reply ; 
 Our hero smiles — a false report- 
 He thro' his spy-glass sees rare sport — 
 His sick releases he from pain — 
 A letter which he writes in vain. 
 Determines Acre to subdue, 
 Is disappointed in his view — 
 His vig'rous measure he repeats — 
 Sir Sidney Smith his men defeats. 
 In hopes of conquest he delays, 
 But no success for sixty days — 
 Offended with the English thumps 
 Returns to Jaffa in the dumps — 
 At Cairo grand illuminations 
 Contriv'd by Boney's false narrations. 
 Our hero to Aboukir goes 
 And triumphs o'er his Turkish foes — 
 He plans his flight, makes off well stor'd, 
 And with the army breaks his word. 
 Returns to France — his popularity. 
 As none have heard of his barbarity. 
 A scheme he puts in execution 
 To bring about a revolution. 
 A hurly-burly — Nap, however, 
 Is made First Consul, he's so clever — 
 His consequence — he tells his wife 
 She is too old — connubial strife — 
 Relieves his mother, and besides 
 For Joe and Lucien he provides. 
 
 NOW Boney, who was never idle, 
 Resolv'd the rage of foes to bridle. 
 The Pacha, resident at Acre, 
 Accounted him a mischief-maker; 
 
 GO 
 

 S4 dr. syntax's 
 
 Nap's massacres had quite incens'd him, 
 
 And Syria he stir'd up against him. 
 
 " Of men," said he, " our armies now are full, 
 
 Courageous, resolute, and powerful, 
 
 And being men of honest principles, 
 
 We'll be a match for these Invincibles." 
 
 But when our hero heard of this 
 
 He took their mutterings amiss — 
 
 Deterniin'd to retain command 
 
 He Syria's demolition plann'd. 
 
 And now commenc'd his bold design, 
 
 lu sev'nteen hundred ninety nine ; 
 
 With Savans, marching in procession; 
 
 Of Suez he obtained possession. 
 
 These Savans his renown encreas'd, 
 
 For they were wise men of the east. 
 
 One morning, tho' poor Nap was nigh dead, 
 
 It seems he lost the man who guided, 
 
 And as (he marshes he knew not 
 
 Up to his middle soon he got; 
 
 Exposed to all the weather's rigor 
 
 Our hero cut a doleful figure; 
 
 But pushing on, with much ado, 
 
 Brave Bonaparte at length got thro'. 
 
 Now previous to his expedition 
 
 Nap had recourse to imposition: 
 
 In this he always show'd ability, 
 
 Deceit he added to agility. 
 
NAPOLEON. 85- 
 
 In hopes the Syrian priests t' alarm, 
 And make them think that hy a charm 
 He had perform'd each operation, 
 He issued this strange proclamation — 
 " Pray who has eyes, and cannot see 
 I act by a divine decree? 
 Then tell your people that I must 
 And will be faithful to my trust: 
 And tell them this should be believ'd 
 From what I've recently achiev'd ; 
 For let your people not forget 
 The enemies of truth I beat — 
 Against the Pope too pass'd my veto, 
 So, no one now must kiss his great toe ; 
 These actions bid them call to mind, 
 And say moreover that they'll find 
 In book the second of the Koran, 
 That I'll run on, as I before ran ; 
 Therein are more than twenty prophecies 
 To testify what my great office is ; 
 My very operations prove 
 I have a mission from above. 
 In imprecations there's no use, 
 They only blessings will produce : 
 In opposition there's no hope — 
 With Fate no mortal power can cope !" 
 
 But this effusion of his brain 
 Was circulated now in vain : 
 G3 
 
S6 dh. syntax's 
 
 For how cou'd Turkey be disinay'dr 
 
 England and Russia lent their aid. 
 
 With such a pow'rful force combin'd 
 
 The Pacha was resolv'd to find, 
 
 When that a little martial play he met, 
 
 If Boney was indeed a Mahomet. 
 
 And now, it seems, brave Nap was mortified 
 
 To hear that several towns were fortified ; 
 
 He did not like such vain resources, 
 
 He did net like the English forces ; 
 
 He knew the English fought like lions, 
 
 Still he resolv'd to bid defiance, 
 
 Nor would he wait a moment longer, 
 
 Lest during time they might get stronger. 
 
 As prelude to the fall of Turkey 
 To seize El Arish went to work he: 
 But he encountered, as they say, 
 Great difficulties on the way ; 
 He no fit necessaries had, 
 All their piovisions very bad ; 
 There was a scarcity of water, 
 And by the Arabs a great slaughter 
 Of several among his forces, 
 And a vast number of his horses. 
 " Oh waste of blood ! how I abhor it," 
 Cried Nap " I'll sacrifice them for it." 
 
 When he El Arish had in view 
 He thought awhile what he should do. 
 
NAPOLEON. 87 
 
 He fix'd on a besieging station, 
 
 And after much deliberation 
 
 Swore he'd not budge an inch, until 
 
 The people yielded to his will. • 
 
 The fort he summon' d to surrender, 
 
 The means for its defence were slender, 
 
 The men within, tho' brave and true, 
 
 No military tactics knew, 
 
 And havingheardNap'sconqaests, which o'late 
 
 Were talk'd of, thought best to capitulate. 
 
 So now they offered, their position 
 
 To quit that moment on condition, 
 
 That with their arms and baggage they 
 
 To Acre might pursue their way. 
 
 But Nap vociferated " No, 
 
 To Acre none of you shall go — " 
 
 In this refusal we no folly see — 
 
 Nap here display'd consummate policy. 
 
 Th' assault was certainly delay'd, 
 
 For this, tho' a pretence was made, 
 
 He wish'd it to be understood 
 
 He did not want to shed their blood; 
 
 But as he undisguis'd esteem meant, 
 
 He hop'd they'd come to some agreement. 
 
 They now requested that with speed 
 
 To Bagdat they might all proceed, 
 
 To this our hero gave assent, 
 
 So out they came and in he iccnt. 
 
 64 
 
83 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Now thro' a desart, dry and parch'd, 
 To Palestine our hero march'd ; 
 He met, it seems, no great resistance, 
 And, viewing Gaza at a distance, 
 He rub'd his hands, and said with glee, 
 "Brave lads, that fertile country see; 
 Thither we'll instantly repair, 
 And have some hearty dinners there ; 
 So follow me — make no delay — 
 Push on — keep moving — that's the way." 
 The heights of Korsum he ascended, 
 But by the Pacha was offended ; 
 Abdallah firm resistance made, 
 And energy and skill display'd. 
 But he repulsed was in a crack, 
 And forc'd on Gaza to fall back ; 
 In Gaza tho' he did not stay, 
 But during night time ran away : 
 Nap enter'd it the ensuing morning, 
 Well pleas'd Abdallah had ta'en warning ; 
 He thought the proofs so oft he gave 
 Should teach the folks how to behave. 
 All who resisted were destroy'd — 
 Who yielded — only were annoy'd. 
 To the inhabitants, who now 
 Before the conqueror came to bow ; 
 He wondrous amity display'd, 
 For they were only captives made. 
 
NAPOLEON. 89 
 
 Our hero's men were full of cheer, 
 For soon they found provisions here ; 
 Each day, indeed, they had got thinner, 
 Their guts so grumbled for a dinner; 
 This prov'd, however, no great matter, 
 For now in Gaza they got fatter, 
 Which testifies our hero's merit, 
 'Bove all tho' his prophetic spirit. 
 Provided now with all they needed, 
 To Jaffa Boney's troops proceeded ; 
 ;. But no admittance here was granted, 
 .fa* For its possessors were undaunted ; 
 
 v 
 
 This obstinacy did oblige them 
 To make an effort to besiege them : 
 But the defendants fought so well . 
 That several of Nap's soldier's fell; 
 This put our hero in a passion, 
 With double rage he bade them dash on. 
 No quarter were they to afford, 
 But every man put to the sword. 
 The garrison of course was storm'd, 
 And bloody work the men perform'd ; 
 About three hundred, as they say, 
 Escaped the horrors of the day ; 
 These Nap thought proper to forgive; 
 'Twas policy to let them live ; 
 He sent them, as they were Egyptians, 
 T' apprise, by accurate descriptions, 
 
90 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Th' inhabitants of ev'ry city, 
 Of his great bravery and pity. 
 
 Another bloody work ensued 
 Which the brave Nap with rapture view'd — 
 He near four thousand pris'ners had, 
 The number almost drove him mad, 
 Because so many men to feed 
 Requir'd a deal of food indeed. 
 He chid his troops for being so good, 
 And said such mercy was of no good. 
 Resolv'd to get rid of his burthen, 
 (Tho' Kleber ventur'd to demur then), 
 He bade his troops the men surround, 
 And march them to a rising ground; 
 The soldiers did as he directed, 
 And they by Boney were inspected : 
 It seems our hero was inclin'd, 
 If 'twas his interest, to be kind ; 
 Now Nap, among these captives rude, 
 An aged Janizary view'd ; 
 And, with a contumacious sneer, 
 Said he, " Old man, what brought you here?" 
 The Janizary, no way frighten'd, 
 Although unconscious how it might end, 
 Replied, " That question soon I can, Sir, 
 By asking you a like one answer, 
 To serve your Sultan, you'll rejoin — 
 And the same answer now is mine.'' 
 

 NAPOLEON. 91 
 
 Tliis frankness all around delighted, 
 
 And admiration, too, excited. 
 
 Behold — our very hero smiled, 
 
 As if he had been reconciled. 
 
 That smile, some whispered, is a gracious one, 
 
 This guess was not, tho', a sagacious one ; 
 
 The Janizary was not spared, 
 
 His fellow-prisoners' fate he shared ; 
 
 But previously brave Nap withdrew, 
 
 And at a distance had a view ; 
 
 The signal given — none dared to stop — 
 
 The musquetry went pop-pop-pop, 
 
 Nap thro' his spy-glass marked the fun, 
 
 And cried out, " bravo" when 'twas done — 
 
 His soldiers, who the dead surrounded, 
 
 Humanely stabbed and killed the wounded. 
 
 Another great thing Boney now did, 
 
 With sick the hospitals were crowded, 
 
 He therefore planned, nor planned in vain, 
 
 To put the wretches out of pain ; 
 
 He an apothecary found — 
 
 For a physician, since renowned, 
 
 The butchering task with scorn declined, 
 
 Th' apothecary, tho' was kind. 
 
 It seems that Romeo met with such a one, 
 
 This is a mournful theme to touch upon, 
 
 Opium was put in pleasant food, 
 
 The wretched victims thought it good; 
 
02 DR. SFNTAx's 
 
 But, in a few hours, as they say, 
 Almost six hundred breathless lay. 
 
 Now Nap, on mischief still intent, 
 To capture Acre quickly meant ; 
 But, first, of all, he thought it better 
 To send the Pacha there a letter ; 
 This was a plan he deem'd correct, 
 And so he wrote to this effect :— 
 
 " I'll be at Acre in a few days, 
 But don't imagine mine are rude ways — 
 You're old — I do not want to fight you, 
 Therefore to amity invite you ; 
 But this I must beg leave to tell, 
 The Mamelukes I mean t' expel — 
 I hate them — so must also you — 
 And you must hate the English too, 
 For these eternal hatred bear, 
 And I your aged head will spare : 
 On this condition I agree 
 To be your loving friend 
 
 "N. B." 
 
 Now, to this philanthropic note, 
 No answer Djizzar Pacha wrote; 
 He had th' atrocities of France heard, 
 So, verbally, was Boney answered, 
 
it 
 
 P 
 
 Pi 
 
NAPOLEON. 93 
 
 And told, whenever he'd a mind, 
 A warm reception he shou'd find. 
 At this our hero was so nettled, 
 Th' attack of Acre soon was settled ; 
 He thought that he could bloody work 
 Perform as well as any Turk ; 
 So, helter-skelter, every man, 
 Push'd on to execute the plan, 
 And now a vig'rous siege began : 
 A breach they in the wall effected, 
 But nobly was the place protected. 
 Th' assault was made, but, it is said, 
 The ditch was fill'd with Boney's dead ; 
 Sir Sidney Smith, the English Hector, 
 Became the Pacha's brave protector ; 
 Nap stared about him, in confusion — 
 Defeated ! why, it seem'd illusion. 
 Again was the assault repeated, 
 Again poor Boney was defeated. 
 The Pacha his rewards distributed, 
 For ev'ry head that was exhibited, 
 But he'd much rather have had Boney's, 
 Than all the heads of his French cronies. 
 Upon a mount poor Nap was seen, 
 With phiz denoting much chagrin ; 
 For reinforcements here he tarried, 
 Still hoping Acre might be carried. 
 
94 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 They come — there was no opposition, 
 And thro' the breach they got admission. 
 This was a meditated plan ; 
 Within the massacre began ; 
 In vain all the poor devils laboured, 
 For they immediately were sabred. 
 While Nap, now mortified and crost, 
 Repented sixty days he'd lost; 
 'Tis evident he was defeated, 
 For the Invincibles retreated. 
 His own sweet self he had an eye to, 
 So thought it best to bid good bye to 
 The English and the Mamelukes, 
 When he had uttered his rebukes ; 
 He curs'd the Pacha, and forthwith 
 He left him with Sir Sidney Smith. 
 
 To Jaffa Boney hastened back, 
 The people out of spite to sack ; 
 He levied a vast contribution, 
 This was his general resolution ; 
 And to assist in future battle, 
 He seized a quantity of cattle. 
 For Gaza he setoff— and then 
 Cairo he visited again; 
 But, on dissimulation bent, 
 Before him a dispatch he sent, 
 in which, most impudently, said he, 
 " Get grand illuminations ready— 
 

 
 H 
 
NAPOLEON. Q5 
 
 Triumphal arches — laurel crowns — 
 
 For those who've conquered Syrian towns." 
 
 Now Boney's troops, sad, and dejected, 
 
 These honours by no means expected ; 
 
 Instead of groans, to their amaze, 
 
 They were saluted with huzzas ; 
 
 And they who lately were defeated, 
 
 As conquerors were loudly greeted. 
 
 Thus Boney, by dissimulation, 
 
 Often escaped assassination, 
 
 And thus his army were again, 
 
 Like victors, confident and vain. 
 
 Aboukir now the Turks had taken, 
 But Boney's courage was unshaken. 
 For Alexandria off he set, 
 Possession of the fort to get ; 
 His army reinforcements gain'd, 
 And he a victory obtained. 
 Yet much to do the Turks endeavoured, 
 And quantities of heads were severed. 
 Aboukir castle having won, 
 Our hero thought it best to run. 
 The bravest man will run away, 
 When it is dangerous to stay; 
 But, as he to his troops declared, 
 By him all dangers should be shared, 
 And that on no account he'd leave them, 
 'Twas proper he should now deceive them. 
 
96 DE. syntax's 
 
 The cunning he display'd in fight, 
 
 He manifested in his flight. 
 
 On some pretence, it seems, he wrote 
 
 To certain generals a note, 
 
 Acquainting them with what he wanted, 
 
 The time and place, too, he appointed. 
 
 These generals, so well they fared, 
 
 The fame of his desertion shared. 
 
 When to th' appointed place they got, 
 
 Nap was already on the spot ; 
 
 And, what of all things made them glad, 
 
 The military chest he had ! 
 
 He left his army — hut we find 
 
 He left these lines for them behind : 
 
 " This parting grieves me sore, altho' meant 
 
 To he for only a short moment." 
 
 As soon as Nap in France arriv'd, 
 A precious hustle he contriv'd ; 
 He won the favour of the populace, 
 And was the star of the metropolis; 
 It seems the people never dreamt 
 That he left Egypt with contempt— 
 That he had murdered all the sick, 
 And served his troops another trick, 
 As he his faithful men deserted, 
 Whom he'd by promises diverted. 
 To add, however, to his fame, 
 Our hero played an artful game ; 
 
= 
 H 
 
 
NAPOLEON. 97 
 
 He wanted a new Constitution, 
 
 So brought about a revolution, 
 
 And the Assemblies, it appears, 
 
 He set together by the ears; 
 
 Such patriotism he affected, 
 
 He swore that France shou'd be protected, 
 
 And on the ninth day of November, 
 
 (How many must that day remember !) 
 
 The Ancients issued a decree — 
 
 " The Legislative pow'r should be 
 
 To Cloud transferred, and for that end 
 
 The Members shou'd next day attend." 
 
 This law to put in execution, 
 
 And expedite the revolution, 
 
 To Nap was given the sole command 
 
 Of all the forces in the land. 
 
 This was the very thing he wanted ; 
 
 Accordingly when thus appointed, 
 
 Nap sent directly to the press, 
 
 A very pompous fine address ; 
 
 These words displaying with ability, 
 
 " Equality, Peace, and Tranquility." 
 
 The Council of Five Hundred met, 
 
 But only to harangue and fret; 
 
 They thought the meeting at St. Cloud, 
 
 On no account shou'd be allow'd. 
 
 At Boney's ways they were surprised, 
 
 Their apprehensions realized ; 
 
 H 
 
98 DR. syntax's 
 
 Por some of them, with reason, dreaded 
 That they'd be banish'd or beheaded. 
 
 Th' appointed meeting now took place, 
 Producing tumult and disgrace. 
 Some of the members, when desired, 
 Refused to take the oath required, 
 Insisting Nap should not be spared, 
 But as an outlaw be declared. 
 As President Nap's brother sat, 
 So Lucien hemm'd and haw'd at that ; 
 But so outrageous was the strife, 
 He found it hard to save his life; 
 His eloquence he now display'd, 
 " Napoleon must be heard," he said.^ 
 Then Boney came — in great dismay ; 
 Th' Assembly ordered him away — 
 But such an order was mere fudge, 
 The brave Napoleon scorn'd to budge; 
 And several began to push in, 
 To tear to pieces Nap and Lucien. 
 Nap gave the word — his troops attended, 
 By grenadiers he was defended ; 
 Tremendous, now, the hurly-burly, 
 Each phiz appear'd confounded surly ; 
 They drew their daggers in a rage, 
 And civil war began to wage. 
 Amidst these violent attacks, 
 Now some were thrown upon their backs. 
 
W 
 X 
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 S 
 
 v 
 
 'a 
 
 e 
 
 P 
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NAPOLEONi 99 
 
 And others fell upon their faces, 
 And others — on their proper places ; 
 
 While many, uttering sad groans, 
 Were found upon their marrow-hones. 
 
 Our hero, now, the people guided, 
 And a new government provided. 
 First Consul, modestly he claim'd, 
 Two others were Sub-Consuls named ; 
 But these were not in Boney's way, 
 For the First Consul had full sway. 
 And now these Consuls took an oath, 
 For Nap to swear was never loth. 
 
 Thus elevated, Josephine 
 Imagin'd she would be a queen ; 
 But she by Nap was harshly told, 
 That six-and-forty was too old; 
 His mother, who the lady hated, 
 Advised him to be separated ; 1 
 By her persuasions, Nap, of course, 
 Began to think of a divorce. 
 He ponderM ev'ry afternoon, 
 And rubbing once his forehead, soon 
 The lady's banishment decreed, 
 Because — their tempers disagreed. 
 In fact, her faults he recollected, 
 And her caresses now rejected. 
 But, as 'twill not improve our morals, 
 We'll pass these matrimonial quarrels. 
 h2 
 
100 DE. SYNTAX'S 
 
 As Nap a love of pow'r betray'd, 
 He great munificence display'd ; 
 For he rewarded, with donations, 
 His friends, especially relations ; 
 He to his mother acted handsome, 
 As he bestowed on her a grand sum ; 
 For Joe and Lucien he provided, 
 Who, at this time, in France resided — 
 How suddenly success awaits men ! 
 Both Joe and Lucien he made Statesmen. 
 
NAPOLEON. 101 
 
 CANTO VII. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Our hero's sudden whims and flights ; 
 He to the King of England writes ; 
 The answer gives him much distress — 
 He stops the freedom of the press. 
 His wonderful dissimulation, 
 To get a loan from the French nation ; 
 Begins the royalists to chase — 
 Deprives his brother of his place. 
 From a conscription men receives — 
 Massena in the lurch he leaves. 
 To Italy our hero goes, 
 His skill 'midst difficulties shews. 
 Wins Fort de Bard — and, undismay'd, 
 Attempts Marengo to invade — 
 His ill success there — he retreats, 
 And a rebuke our hero meets. 
 The Austrians now run away, 
 By proxy Boney wins the day — 
 An infamous assassination, 
 But with our hero's approbation 
 An armistice— Nap's wondrous guile, 
 He seems a Christian for a while. 
 Reports ofthe First Consul's death, 
 Which gives him time to take his breath. 
 Returns to Paris— gives a holiday. 
 Which proves to be a very jolly day. 
 h3 
 
102 de. syntax's 
 
 Our hero now lays the foundation 
 Of a grand column for the nation. 
 Attends the theatres — is greeted, 
 And in a Consular box is seated. 
 Massenahe for plunder censures, 
 To answer him the gen'ral ventures. 
 Lucien attacks a lady's fame, 
 Is sent to Spain, tho' for the same. 
 The Jacobins are not Nap's friends, 
 And their destruction he intends. 
 A plot of the First Consul's notion, 
 Which puts the guillotine in motion. 
 A real plot — explosion — smoke — 
 The windows of his carriage broke ; 
 Poor Nap escapes the blowing up> 
 His coachman having had a sup ; 
 Some suffer for it transportation, 
 And he arraigns the British nation. 
 His apprehensions — he employs one 
 To taste his food, for fear of poison. 
 A frightful dream — is panic-struck, 
 Thinks that a dagger's in him stuck ; 
 His pain — which proves at last to be 
 A different kind of agony. 
 
 9 /m/wm a a* *k 
 
 IN garments Consular array*d, 
 Now Nap his consequence display'c. 
 As then the country was involved, 
 To calm the people he resolv'd. 
 
NAPOLEON. 103 
 
 By letter, ('twas a mere finesse) 
 
 The king of England to address, 
 
 That all might think his views pacific, 
 
 For he in scheming was prolific. 
 
 So now he call'd for pen and ink, 
 
 But first sat down to eat and drink, 
 
 As he on dainties lov'd to gorge, 
 
 And thus he scribbled to King George :— 
 
 " Since, by the wish of the French nation, 
 First Consul is my appellation. 
 While time and duty will permit, 
 I to your Majesty think fit 
 These lines directly to address, 
 As I no etiquette profess ; 
 For ceremony, or formality, 
 I3 not the practice of Equality, 
 And I presume, in making free, 
 I show my love for Liberty. 
 How comes it two enlightened nations 
 Shou'd be engaged in altercations, 
 Shou'd sacrifice with such severity, 
 Tranquillity, Trade, and Prosperity ? 
 Your Majesty must know, indeed, 
 That Peace is a free nation's need. 
 Your Majesty must also know, 
 That war brings misery and woe — 
 
 H 4 
 
104 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Witness the blood already shed' — 
 The thousands and ten thousands dead. 
 Your Majesty can then discover, sure, 
 Nothing improper in this overture ; 
 Which, when consider'd, must appear 
 Disinterested and sincere. 
 The fate of Europe now depends 
 On France and England being friends ; 
 And, as th' affair at present stands, 
 It is much better to shake hands. 
 Mark my successes in the wars, 
 'Tis plain that my auspicious stars 
 For ever shed their influence o'er me, 
 So that I kick down all before me. 
 Let amity be then restor'd, 
 And let us sheath the hostile sword ; 
 For this I pray, with all my heart, 
 And not for conquests — 
 
 Bonaparte. 
 
 The answer from the English Court, 
 Vex'd Nap, according to report : 
 'Twas to the Minister address'd, 
 It being candidly confess'd 
 That there appear'd not the least cause 
 To break through ceremonial laws; 
 In this his Majesty agreed, 
 Peace was desirable indeed, 
 
NAPOLEON. 105 
 
 If that his Majesty were able 
 T' obtain one permanent and stable; 
 But that at present there was poor hope 
 For England, and indeed for Europe, 
 Till France her lawful princes own'd — 
 The Bourbons — whom she had detbron'd. 
 
 Poor Boney bit his lip at this, 
 He took the answer much amiss, 
 And swore (it was his usual threat) 
 John Bull shou'd pay him homage yet. 
 Now Nap, the freedom of the press 
 Call'd absolute licentiousness. 
 This freedom, it must be confess'd, 
 The Son of Liberty suppress'd ; 
 He by a summary proceeding, 
 Forbad much publishing and reading ; 
 And the newspapers so controll'd, 
 That not a word of truth was told ; 
 Of course with falsehoods they were fill'd, 
 A proof the editors were skill'd. 
 His kind intentions to display, 
 And reconcile men to his sway ; 
 Nap had industriously reported 
 That he the Olive branch long courted, 
 And with the like dissimulation, 
 He gave to France this proclamation : — 
 " You wish that peace again may visit us, 
 Your government has been solicitous 
 
106 BR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 For Peace — it is its constant pray'r, 
 Its ardent wish — its utmost care ; 
 But English Ministers betray 
 Their envy of your present sway ; 
 They are desirous to debase you, 
 And in a state of thraldom place you ; 
 They are desirous, it appears, 
 To set all Europe by the ears. 
 Your Government, which deign'd, 'tis true, 
 To offer peace, and seek it too- 
 ls well aware, the means possessing, 
 That you may soon command the blessing ; 
 But to command it, there is need 
 Of money, men, and arms indeed. 
 Since now I have dominion — Consular, 
 By me directed, never once you'll err ; 
 Let all your apprehensions cease, 
 And let your swords be drawn for peace- 
 Let all the young men fly to arms, 
 And be prepar'd for war's alarms. 
 A glorious war — there's nothing dire in't, 
 Not for the choice of any tyrant, 
 Nor the support of any faction, 
 Are you invited now to action : 
 'Tis for the safety, the protection 
 Of all that's worthy their affection j 
 'Tis for the honour of our laws — 
 It is for Liberty— a cause 
 
NAPOLEON. 107 
 
 Which stimulated Rome and Greece ; 
 Tis for humanity — for peace." 
 
 A fete was giv'n in celebration 
 Of the grand Cons'lar installation ; 
 And Boney seized this opportunity 
 Of boldly telling the community, 
 He meant the war to carry on, 
 And " conquer peace'' for them anon. 
 The people he invited, then, 
 To furnish him with cash and men ; 
 But then to keep them in good humour, 
 He talked of peace — what could he do more ? 
 The royalists he much offended, 
 But he to crush them soon intended; 
 They had resisted, with ability, 
 But this was term'd " impious" hostility. 
 Nap issued orders of this kind — 
 Shoot all the royalists you find — 
 Kill those who dare with them associate, 
 And strike at those, too, who negociate, 
 Make of resisters an example, 
 And on the hesitations trample ; 
 Destroy e'en those who are suspected 
 Of being the least disaffected ; 
 Let all those traitors meet your rage, 
 Without respect to sex or age." 
 
 These orders, which had been convey'd, 
 To Fouche, duly were obey'd. 
 
108 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 He soon diminish'd their colleagues, 
 
 By murder, bribes, threats, and intrigues ; 
 
 This police-officer, as verified, 
 
 At this time several had terrified ; 
 
 Now, what's a matter of surprise, 
 
 By bribes he gain'd o'er Lucien's spies, 
 
 And found out that he scorn'd to praise 
 
 His brother's arbitrary ways, 
 
 But was accustomed to declare 
 
 His principles he cou'd not bear; 
 
 This brought on Lucien some disgrace, 
 
 For Nap depriv'd him of his place, 
 
 Tho' Lucien he was bound to thank, 
 
 For having got First Consul's rank. 
 
 Sufficient soldiers to obtain 
 For carrying on his bold campaign, 
 Nap issued now, throughout the nation, 
 A fierce but coaxing proclamation ; 
 He failed, however, in his scheme, 
 And being pushed to the extreme, 
 He was obliged to have recourse 
 To a Conscription — and, per force, 
 All the young men, now, it appears, 
 Enlisted he as Volunteers'. 
 
 Massena to attack began, 
 And many difficulties ran; 
 This gen'ral, it seems, was mortified, 
 To find that Genoa was fortified ; 
 
NAPOLEON. • 107 
 
 Some prisoners he, however, made, 
 During the time of the blockade ; 
 But better he had ta'en their breath, 
 For the poor men were starv'd to death ; 
 They were oblig'd, in that sad hour, 
 Their shoes and knapsacks to devour, 
 They pierc'd, with cries and lamentations, 
 Their countrymen, and their relations. 
 Massena, to his grief, indeed, 
 T' evacuate this place agreed, 
 For soon did he, in his position^see 
 Of men he had not a sufficiency ; 
 As, to his very great surprise, 
 Brave Nap had sent him no supplies, 
 Who, out of vengeance, thought it meet, 
 This gallant man of a defeat, 
 Should be at this time a partaker, 
 As he had lately been at Acre. 
 
 Now the First Consul Paris quitted, 
 For Italy, as it befitted. 
 By him, who was indeed the head, 
 The Consular advance was led ; 
 But he encountered much delay, 
 And many hardships on the way : 
 The passage of the Alps appear'd 
 Tremendous, yet he persevered. 
 Each narrow pass, and deep descent. 
 Occasioned fear and discontent ; 
 
110 . DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 With seats of snow they were provided, 
 And down on their hacksides they slided ; 
 Thus at St. Bernard's they arrived, 
 When Nap to coax the Monks contrived. 
 His promises were very fine ; 
 So they produced their stock of wine. 
 His men indeed refreshment needed, 
 They bumpers drank and then proceeded. 
 A pass, more dreadful than the rest, 
 Obliged them now to do their best 
 To get to Remi ; as intended, 
 With much ado the men descended : 
 It now became a question, whether 
 The guns could all be got together, 
 But wondrous skill our hero show'd 
 In getting dowa the martial load. 
 
 Now on for Italy they push'd, 
 And all opponents bravely crush'd. 
 The Fort de Bard they soon attack'd, 
 For Nap possession of it lack'd; 
 The fort, tho' vig'rously protected, 
 Surrender'd when 'twas not expected. 
 Soon after this our gallant fellow 
 The Austrians drove from Montebello, 
 And then did he with all his men go, 
 To aid the battle of Marengo ; 
 Here was indeed a bold resistance, 
 Brave Boney saw it at a distance: 
 
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 b 
 
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 1 ■'.: 
 
NAPOLEON. Ill 
 
 And at this time, it is not doubted, 
 Nap's army was completely routed ; 
 Indeed, it grieves the muse to say, 
 Our hero cried, and ran away; 
 But brave Dessaix, who was not idle, 
 His horse soon grappled by the bridle, 
 And turning round the Consul's phiz, 
 He said, while anger ruffled his, 
 *' Citizen Consul, look before you — 
 That is the road to fame and glory." 
 Nap bit his lip, and swore by heaven, 
 Th' offence was not to be forgiven ; 
 Indeed, as many understand, 
 That hour the Gen'ral's fall he plann'd. 
 By Victor and Dessaix defeated, 
 The Austrians in their turn retreated. 
 This Victor, who destruction huri'd, 
 Made always a great noise in the world, 
 For he had been a drummer, so 
 The way to beat he'd cause to know. 
 But, while victorious, now we find 
 Dessaix received a shot behind, 
 His Aid-du-camp was bribed to doit, 
 And well too the First Consul knew it ; 
 Besides the shot, a base attack ! 
 He got a stab too in the back ; 
 He fell, and instantly expir'd — 
 His death by Boney was desired : 
 
112 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Yet when they told hiin he was dead 
 
 " Why can't I weep ?" he faintly said. 
 
 Our hero was, we must allow, 
 
 A conqueror by proxy now. 
 
 The action tho', Dessaix's life cost, 
 
 For winning what the other lost : 
 
 Each. officer his murder noted, 
 
 Yet the assassin Nap promoted. 
 
 An armistice was now concluded, 
 
 And Nap the people still deluded. 
 
 Tho' late of Mahomet's persuasion 
 
 He turned a christian on th' occasion ; 
 
 Milan to visit condescended, 
 
 And a Te Deum there attended. 
 
 About this time reports were spread 
 
 That the great Bonaparte was dead : 
 
 The liar, Rumour, used to tell 
 
 He by assassination fell : 
 
 All heroes like the wondrous Nap 
 
 Are said to meet with some mishap. 
 
 Some think indeed, 'twas Boney's humour 
 
 To send his friends with such a rumour; 
 
 As he, by his pretended death, 
 
 Had leisure then to take his breath. 
 
 And by such artifice, say some, 
 
 In greater safety he got home. 
 
 To Paris he his steps directed, 
 And got there quicker than expected ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 113 
 
 But yet the compliments design'd, 
 Tho' unprepared, were not declin'd : 
 For soon began congratulations, 
 Soon were display'd illuminations, 
 
 Marengo's battle now gave birth 
 To one bright day of general mirth ; 
 
 And on this day, with laurels deck'd, 
 
 A National Column to erect, 
 
 Our hero made a grand parade, 
 
 And the foundation of it laid ; 
 
 Thea followed many loud orations, 
 
 Huzzas and such like acclamations. 
 
 Nap as the victor was commended, 
 
 And he the theatres attended ; 
 
 A Cons' lar box was now prepar'd, 
 
 No labor or expense was spared, 
 
 He as a conqueror was seated, 
 
 And as a conqueror was greeted. 
 By Boney, as it has been proved, 
 
 Massena was not now beloved ; 
 
 This general he often chid 
 
 For leaving Genoa as he did — 
 
 " I fix'd," said he, " that city's doom, 
 
 Why quit it till it was a tomb ?" 
 
 Still at Marengo he decreed 
 
 This man commander in his stead ; 
 
 But scarce a month he'd been install'd 
 
 When he was suddenly recall'd. 
 
114 dr. syntax's 
 
 Tho' short his stay, we must allow, 
 To make his fortune he knew how ; 
 This was th' occasion of great wonder ; 
 By Nap he was accused of plunder ; 
 Before Murat and others too 
 
 ■ 
 
 (Who thought that plunder was their due), 
 
 Our hero, all demure and grand, 
 
 Began his friend to reprimand. 
 
 Massena, by no means asham'd, 
 
 Now made his how, and thus exclaim'd — 
 
 "■ Tes, I am guilty, it is true— 
 I am a robber, so are you — 
 And so is he — (that was Murat) 
 For he has plunder'd with eclat ; 
 We all are. robbers, I insist — ■ 
 The greatest rogues that ever p— ." 
 He said no more — it was enough — 
 Nap hum'd, and took a pinch of snuff. 
 " Hush, hush," he cried, for the retort 
 Was of a most unpleasant sort ; 
 'Twas unexpected and uncivil, 
 He wish'd the fellow at the devil : 
 The fellow tho' was pleas'd to stay 
 His wealth and grandeur to display ; 
 With Boney he in splendour vied, 
 Which hurt indeed our hero's pride. 
 
 Now during the late hostile strife 
 Lucien had talk'd of Murat's wife, 
 
NAPOLEON. 115 
 
 He cast, it seems, reflections on her 
 Which wounded much the husband's honor. 
 They were so scandalous and cruel 
 As to occasion many a duel : 
 So Nap, as Lucien was disgrac'd, 
 This opportunity embraced 
 To send him, on pretences vain, 
 As an ambassador to Spain. 
 We need not wonder at the plan — 
 Murat was Boney's right hand man. 
 It seems the Jacobins against 
 Our hero greatly were incensed : 
 His levees, drawing rooms, and so forth, 
 They look'd upon as deeds of no worth ; 
 The pageantry he held so dear 
 Did not republican appear; 
 And at such goings on distrest 
 Their indignation they exprest ; 
 Our hero consequently saw 
 The need of keeping them in awe ; 
 So he contrived a plot which seems 
 The master piece of all his schemes, 
 And in this plot too he resolved 
 His greatest foes should be involved, 
 louche pretended, on th' occasion, 
 (For Nap allow'd of no evasion), 
 That some conspirators had got 
 Daggers and pistols, and what not, 
 i 2 
 
116 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 To make the Conqueror their aim 
 When from the Opera be came. 
 Nap to the Opera went indeed, 
 One gave the signal as agreed ; 
 Three men were instantly arrested, 
 Three whom great Bonaparte detested. 
 They got, it seems, a dagger from one, 
 But carrying daggers now was common ; 
 He was from Nap at a great distance, 
 This proof tho' was of no assistance : 
 When the supposed assassination 
 Had undergone examination, 
 They seiz'd on others, as directed, 
 For having such a scheme projected ; 
 One prov'd at home that night he slept, 
 For being ill his bed he kept ; 
 All this, however, had no weight, 
 For Nap's resentment was too great. 
 They suffered by the guillotine 
 Which was his favourite machine : 
 Save one, th' Italian too I wot, 
 From whom the dagger had been got, 
 Nap banish'd him, and with him too 
 Th' Italian patriotic crew ; 
 Four thousand, as historians say, 
 For no offence were swept away. 
 
 For this conspiracy ideal 
 Was soon succeeded by one real. 
 
NAPOLEON. 117 
 
 While the First Consul, with delight 
 Was going to the play one night; 
 His carriage pass'd a narrow way, 
 Where an infernal barrel lay — 
 This barrel of a sudden blew up, 
 And the combustibles all flew up. 
 With great dismay was Boney filled, 
 No wonder — some were hurt and kill'd ; 
 The windows of the carriage broke, 
 And most tremendous was the smoke: 
 The coachman, luckily enough, 
 Had taken plenty of strong stuff, 
 And not regarding any evil, 
 Drove thro' the passage like a devil ; 
 His whip applied when there was need 
 And saved his master by his speed. 
 Had coachee been of drink no lover 
 With Nap it wou'd have been all over. 
 The Jacobins (for, as related, 
 This party the brave Consul haled), 
 Were mark'd for this assassination, 
 And many suffer'd transportation. 
 Indeed our hero firmly swore 
 (As he had often done before, 
 For he would swear thro' thick and thin), 
 The British had a hand therein — 
 It seems the gentleman forgot 
 John Bull disdains a wicked plot. 
 IS 
 
118 DK. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Such was our hero's consternation 
 He dreaded now assassination. 
 Tho' many enemies were banish'd 
 His apprehension had not vanished ; 
 For fear of any secret plot, 
 A fire, a blowing up, or shot, 
 The houses near his palace, he 
 Had taken down by a decree ; 
 If any 'bout their leases grumbled 
 They were transported, and soon humbled. 
 
 His very victuals too he dreaded, 
 For Josephine, whom he had wedded, 
 Or some one else, might, in a minute, 
 Be tempted to put poison in it. 
 Thus fearing he might be destroy'd, 
 By means he had himself employ'd, 
 He kept a man to taste his food, 
 To know thereby if it were good — 
 And all his drink, to learn the worst, 
 This gentleman was help'd to first. 
 Nay at this very time it seems 
 Our hero oft had frightful dreams; 
 One night — oh what a dreadful night! 
 He made the sheets wet with the fright — 
 He thought one of his secret foes. 
 With an uplifted dagger rose, 
 And having made two certain cuts 
 Had left the dagger in his guts 
 
NAPOLEON. 119 
 
 - He kick'd, bounced up, and gave a scream, 
 But he was told it was a dream. 
 " Oh no— 1 feel— I feel the pain!" 
 And now poor Boney roar'd again ; 
 They brought him brandy, at his call, 
 It was the belly ache — that's all. 
 For this the servants he rewarded, 
 And always had his chamber guarded. 
 
ISO DB. SYNTAX S 
 
 CANTO VIII. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap a pacificator seems, 
 
 And wins the Austrians by his schemes. 
 
 His strange affected moderation— 
 
 His envy of the English nation. 
 
 On French credulity he plays — 
 
 His artful, ostentatious ways — 
 
 The Emp'ror Paul strives to beguile, 
 
 And Barras sends into exile. J 
 
 The freedom of the main he claims, 
 
 And at the English kingdom aims — 
 
 His vanity — yet he's afraid 
 
 Of those he threatens to invade. 
 
 Offence he at Gustavus takes; 
 
 And war on Portugal he makes. 
 
 But disappointed in his views, 
 
 A general peace at length ensues. 
 
 Illuminations — lightning — thunder — 
 
 Which make the superstitious wonder. 
 
 Lord Whitworth now to Paris goes ;— 
 
 Nap treats the English still as foes. 
 
 The Consulate for life he seeks — 
 
 His artifice and sudden freaks. 
 
NAPOLEON. 211 
 
 His paintings, which are call'd his nosegay, — 
 He allows religion, and in clothes gay 
 'Tends the cathedral, with the hope 
 Of making something by the Pope — 
 He plays the hypocrite awhile, 
 And by chicanery and guile 
 The Consulate for life he gets — 
 Equality aside he sets, 
 Complains the English ways are sinister, 
 And twice insults the British minister. 
 His ill behaviour in the Thuilleries — 
 His bragging, cracking, and his fooleries. 
 By Whitworth passports are demanded, 
 After awhile they're to him handed. 
 Some English fall into a trap, 
 And are imprison'd now by Nap. 
 The Duke d'Enghien condemn'd to bleed, — 
 Remonstrances against the deed- 
 Retorts uncivil and unkind — 
 The terrors of a guilty mind. 
 
 GREAT Nap, to be by all esteem'd, 
 A kind pacificator seem'd. 
 Conciliatory terms to venture, he 
 Began, we find, tbe eighteenth century. 
 But tho' he talk'd of moderation 
 It was consummate affectation ; 
 For by the treaty, now indeed, 
 Great things to France were guaranteed : 
 The Austrian cabinet no longer 
 Demurr'd — the enemy was stronger. 
 
122 DR. SYNTAX S 
 
 So well knew Boney how to treat; 
 The continent was at his feet — 
 For he declared, upon his soul, 
 He'd rescue it from the control •■ 
 
 Of Englishmen, whom he call'd truly 
 Destructive, greedy, and unruly. 
 Now certainly the Consul knew 
 'Twas his own picture that he drew, 
 But, for the sake of fame and pelf, 
 He painted others like himself, 
 And all the folks in France deceived — 
 For they the Consul's tales believed ; 
 So credulous all in that nation 
 They swallow'd ev'ry fabrication; 
 For, by the roguery of spies — 
 The Moniteur, which publish'd lies — 
 And doctrines taught at public schools- 
 He render'd all the people fools. 
 The miseries they had endured, 
 Were the result, they were assured, 
 (And which they credited like ninnies), 
 Of British plots and British guineas — 
 Moreover, England he so hated 
 Her fall he always meditated, 
 But, notwithstanding Boney's wise head, 
 That project never was devised. 
 Tho' Nap the Austrian states so swindled 
 That into nothing they had dwindled, 
 
NAPOLEON. 123 
 
 Yet soon there were, in celebration 
 Of his amazing moderation, 
 Addresses and congratulations, 
 And plenty of illuminations. 
 Nap in his answers manifested 
 How much the English he detested. 
 " France will not reap," such were his words, 
 " The blessings amity affords, 
 Till she with England be at peace, 
 Then all her miseries will cease. 
 That government, tho' unappeased, 
 Is with a soft of madness seiz'd, 
 And nothing sacred does it hold, 
 Its conduct is unjust and bold ; 
 Whenever governments are so 
 Their sway is short liv'd, we all know ; 
 Let all the continental pow'rs 
 Unite their vengeance then with ours, 
 And we will teach this stubborn nation 
 -Sense, Equity, and Moderation." 
 'Gainst England Emp'ror Paul to stimulate 
 Appear'd to've been the Consul's whim o'latej; 
 Tho' Russia the Bourbons protected 
 Nap by some means his wish effected, 
 For an ambassador was sent 
 To France— but, spite of this event, 
 Poor Nap was foil'd, for in his bed 
 The Emp'ror Paul was soon found dead. 
 
124 N Dlt. syntax's 
 
 The wonderful, victorious Boney 
 Now banish'd Barras, his late croney; 
 For tho' by him our hero France held, 
 He reckon'd obligations cancell'd, 
 Since he, to cuckold him, employ'd 
 His flatt'ry, while he was abroad ; 
 
 How could he love that man, good lack! 
 Who hugg'd his wife behind his back ? 
 
 And now, his vanity to please, 
 He claim'd the freedom of the seas, ' 
 Denying, like all hostile knaves, 
 That " Britons ever rule the waves." 
 
 They shou'd be conquerors no more, 
 By sea or land, for, lo ! he swore 
 Like Julius Caesar he'd appear, 
 And England take that very year. 
 He the French simpletons persuaded 
 That Britain cou'd be soon invaded ; 
 Maps of the country were prepared, 
 To mark the seats which should be shared 
 Among his generals ; and we find 
 For one he Kensington design'd — 
 Kew he intended for another, 
 And Hampton kept for Joe his brother ; 
 But, for our hero was no elf, 
 Windsor reserv'd he for himself. 
 Tho* Britain was to him an eye sore 
 He was obliged to give this prize o'er, 
 
NAPOLEON. 125 
 
 And act in manner now defensive, 
 Which render'd him exceeding pensive. 
 It seems poor Nap became afraid 
 Of those he threaten'd to invade ; 
 Yet still t' attack the English coast 
 By proclamation was his boast. 
 For what Gustavus lately did 
 The Swedish minister Nap chid. 
 Gustavus, who was no impostor, 
 To supper ask'd the Duke of Gloucester ; 
 The British minister was there, 
 And very sumptuous their fare. 
 
 The king tho' did not think it right 
 
 The French ambassador t' invite. 
 
 By Nap this was an insult deem'd, 
 
 And great his indignation seem'd. 
 
 In terms of anger he complain'd ; 
 
 Gustavus still his rage disdain'd— 
 
 His friends he thought fit to select, 
 
 (No master can in this be check'd). 
 
 " The liberty our fathers gave us 
 
 I will maintain," said brave Gusta\ us. 
 
 This insult Nap could not forget, 
 
 So when the minister he met 
 
 At his first Consular levee, then 
 
 His indignation rose again ; 
 
 " How dar'd the king, your master, pray, 
 
 Insult my minister that day f 
 
126 be. syntax's 
 
 Have I not been to him a friend ? 
 Let him take care then, or depend 
 If he repeat what he has done 
 I'll drive your master from his throne." 
 
 Of England Boney dropp'd th' invasion, 
 He wanted rhino for the occasion ; 
 Ambition tho' he cou'd not bridle, 
 And was resolved not to be idle. 
 Of course then Portugal became 
 At present the First Consul's aim ; 
 And Spain, at Boney's instigation, 
 Made war upon that very nation. 
 By England being now befriended 
 The Portuguese themselves defended. 
 At length all parties pleased to yield, 
 A treaty was in London seal'd ; 
 And Nap with pleasure had to say 
 That England own'd his Cons'Jar sway. 
 The royalists were vex'd at this, 
 They took the treaty much amiss ; 
 It seem'd (as for a time it was), 
 Destructive of the Bourbon cause. 
 This Amiens treaty, as 'twas term'd, 
 Was in October month confirm'd ; 
 And London, tho' so ill repaid, 
 Illuminations grand display'd ; 
 How sudden the eclipse of those, 
 A most tremendous storm arose^ 
 
NAPOLEON. 1< 
 
 The vivid lightning flew about, 
 The window lights appearing out, 
 For ninety minutes the whole sky 
 Seem'd with transparencies to vie. 
 This had an ill foreboding look, 
 And all the superstitious shook. 
 
 Now Boney, always fond of sport, 
 Indulged in mirth of every sort ; 
 But he Great Britain so ill treated 
 Peace, after all, seem'd not completed : 
 There seem'd some difficulties strange, 
 In the accustom'd interchange 
 Of ministers ; as one of fit worth 
 The English cabinet made Whitworth 
 Ambassador. With this intent 
 To Paris now his lordship went. 
 Great Nap, it seems, a blockhead wanted, 
 But Nap in this was disappointed; 
 Lord Whitworth was a man, he found, 
 Of energy and judgment sound ; 
 And soon by every rude expression, 
 By every act too of aggression, 
 And always treating Britons most ill, 
 The Consul prov'd himself still hostile ; 
 But Boney, ere he courted strife, 
 Strove Consul to be made for life, 
 And by such artifice began 
 That he succeeded in his plan. 
 
128 DR. syntax's 
 
 Attention to the arts he paid, 
 
 And such encouragement display'd, 
 
 That his manoeuvres, 'tis a fact, 
 
 Began the people to attract. 
 
 He charming paintings had ohtain'd, 
 
 Which he as presents said he gain'd, 
 
 When he attended a Te Deum — 
 
 And these were shown in his museum, 
 
 Which, for its colours so extoll'd, 
 
 Was the " First Consul's nosegay" call'd. 
 
 The Catholic worship he restored, 
 
 For which indeed he was ador'd. 
 
 His popularity to render 
 
 More stable, in romantic splendor 
 
 He the cathedral oft attended, 
 
 And the Pope's legate recommended. 
 
 This done, to expatiate on his worth 
 
 He sent his emissaries forth. 
 
 They to the people said, " You know 
 
 All gratitude to him you owe ; 
 
 Then let us, gentlemen> propose, 
 
 (As soon his consulate must close), 
 
 To make it aperpetual consulate, 
 
 For such a ruler never once you'll hate ; 
 
 By means sagacious and effectual, 
 
 This wondrous hero will protect you all." 
 
 Nap with great skill (he acted fine), 
 Appear'd this offer to decline, 
 

 NAPOLEON. 129 
 
 u Indeed," he said, " so much I feel, 
 
 I to the people must appeal ; 
 
 He far surpass'd, in this sly scene, 
 
 The Duke of Glo'ster,i>lay'd by Kean. 
 
 This question soon was put, we see, 
 
 " Shall Nap perpetual Consul be . ? " 
 
 They opened registers thereon, 
 
 For signatures of pro and con. 
 
 But many knew, to sign the latter, 
 
 Might prove indeed a serious matter; 
 
 Of course, so great was his authority, 
 
 Nap boasted of a large majority. 
 
 First Consul he for life — a new name, 
 
 For King — a King was now his true name. 
 
 So great indeed, that, in reality, 
 
 Our hero lost sight of Equality ; 
 
 For, lo! a new rank he install'd, 
 
 Legion of Honour it was call'd ; 
 
 And Joe, his brother, he, indeed, 
 
 Grand officer thereof decreed. 
 
 His brother Jerome, it is said, 
 
 A sailor he'd have gladly made ; 
 
 But Jerome cou'd not bear the sea, 
 
 And so a tar cou'd never be. 
 
 Now Paris streets were full, for there 
 Great numbers of the English were. 
 Yet Boney towards the English still 
 Evjnc'd considerable ill-will; 
 
 K 
 
130 DE. SYNTAX'S 
 
 For " every wind that blew," he swore r 
 
 " Brought about fifty libels o'er" 
 
 Yet he allow'd the publication 
 
 Of libels 'gainst the British nation ; 
 
 And well rewarded every poet, 
 
 That wrote the same, tho' they had no wit. 
 
 Still he arraign'd, without redress, 
 
 The freedom of the English press - T 
 
 For he was told, in manner free, 
 
 That that was English liberty. 
 
 Our hero now, with great chagrin, 
 
 Begg'd of Lord Whitworth to call inv 
 
 Agreeable to his request 
 
 Th' ambassador became his guest, 
 
 And in this cab'net of the Thuilleries, 
 
 Napoleon play'd off all his fooleries. 
 
 " What is the cause," he cried, " of this I 
 
 How comes it England acts amiss ? 
 
 I swear that ev'ry provocation, 
 
 Daily augments my indignation; 
 
 Why are there libels to annoy me, 
 
 Pension'd assassins to destroy me ? 
 
 Why f Malta's non-evacuation, 
 
 And Alexandria, by your nation? 
 
 You'd fain keep Malta — I believe you, 
 
 But part of France Fd rather give you. 
 
 Why all these provocations? why, o' late, 
 
 The Amiens treaty dare to violate." 
 
NAPOLEON. 13' 
 
 Nap ask'd so many questions now, 
 That not an answer he'd allow. 
 Lord Whitworth moved his lips, but then 
 Our hero wagg'd his tongue again. 
 Tt seems Lord Whitworth wish'd to say, 
 France for infringements led the way ; 
 But when that she was pleased to stop, 
 And all her base aggressions drop, 
 The treaty England would fulfil, 
 For that, indeed, was England's will. 
 In spite of Nap's vociferation, 
 His Lordship made this observation : 
 - My sovereign's actions ne'er have been 
 Insidious, treacherous, or mean, 
 Because it is the King's desire 
 More to preserve than to acquire." 
 Now Nap rose up in a great passion, 
 And walk'd about, as was his fashion; 
 He said 'twas requisite and just, 
 The matter should be well discuss'd. 
 And, having mutter'd something, then 
 With Whitworth he sat down again, 
 Talked of the theatres — the weather, 
 And half a dozen themes together. 
 Again his lordship was offended, 
 When he the Consul's court attended; 
 " Well, any news from England, pray i" 
 Our gentleman vouchsafed to say. 
 K 2 
 
132 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 " Yes — letters came two days ago." 
 
 * Oh, then you'll go to war ?— is't so?" 
 
 His lordship modestly replied, 
 
 " We wish for peace, but that's denied." 
 
 For fifteen years we've been at war," 
 
 Cried Nap — " It was too long, by far." 
 
 His lordship said, " But it appears 
 
 We'll fight another fifteen years." 
 
 Rejoin'd the Consul, in a fury, 
 
 " We wish for peace, I do assure you." 
 
 Other Ambassadors were there, 
 
 Who thought that Boney's looks were queer. 
 
 To those of Russia, and of Spain, 
 
 Began the Consul to complain : 
 
 " Oh, gentlemen, I'm treated ill, 
 
 The English wish for battle still, 
 
 To treaties no respect they pay, 
 
 So damn all treaties, now, I say, 
 
 Whenever signing them, it meet is 
 
 To cover with black crape the treaties ; 
 
 Well, let them draw the sword the first, 
 
 And if I sheath it, I'll be curst." . 
 
 This said, and looking very stout, 
 
 The braggadocio walk'd about; 
 
 But when a little cooler grown, 
 
 Our hero, in an alter'd tone, 
 
 To Whitworth said — " Why do you arm, 
 
 I have no ships to cause alarm ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 133 
 
 If ann you will — the same I'll do— 
 
 If fight you will — why, I'll fight too.'' 
 
 " Indeed," said Whit worth, " you mistake, 
 
 We wish a lasting peace to make." 
 
 " Pay more respect to treaties, then," 
 
 Cried Nap, and raised his voice again ; 
 
 " What use are treaties ? — all my eye — 
 
 If violated — fie — oh fie — 
 
 What use are treaties ? — wo to those 
 
 Who don't respect them — they're my foes ; 
 
 Yes, they're my foes — I tell you flat, 
 
 And I don't value them — not that." 
 
 This said, his argument to back, 
 
 He with his fingers gave a crack, 
 
 And being full of rage and wind, 
 
 Another crack he let behind; 
 
 The companv were all ashamed, 
 
 And his indelicacy blamed ; 
 
 His manners were so ungenteel, 
 
 That each now turn'd upon his heel. 
 
 England's Ambassador was bent 
 The Consul's conduct to resent. 
 He sent a note of all that pass'd 
 From the beginning to the last, 
 Then sought for passports, as advis'd ; 
 At this the Consul was surpris'd ; 
 K 3 
 
134 dr. syntax's 
 
 But England now was irritated, 
 
 For in the Moniteur 'twas stated, 
 
 That she could never, single-handed, 
 
 Contend with France — so he demanded 
 
 His passports — likewise he averr'd, 
 
 That war he to suspense preferred: 
 
 His lordship's wish they strove t' evade, 
 
 The passports daily were delay'd. 
 
 Lord Whitworth, soon as they were granted, 
 
 Set off for London, as he wanted. 
 
 This peace a period short displays. 
 
 Only one year and sixteen days ; 
 
 If such, a peace, the Muse may call, 
 
 Which surely was no peace at all. 
 
 Now Nap a great advantage took, 
 
 Which had indeed a wicked look. 
 
 As several English were delay'd 
 
 For want of passports — these he made 
 
 His pris'ners — tho' they were detain'd 
 
 Under pretence that there remain'd 
 
 No cause whatever to be hurried, 
 
 As they by no means shou'd be flurried ; 
 
 Deluded, cheated, and abused, 
 
 Like criminals they all were used ; 
 
 Nap gratified his animosity, 
 
 And treated them with great ferocity. 
 
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NAPOLEON. 135 
 
 The Bourbon house he so detested, 
 He had the Duke d'Enghein arrested 4 
 A sort of trial then took place, 
 And sentence passed — the usual case. 
 'Tis said that Boney chose a spot, 
 To see this gallant fellow shot. 
 
 At this base conduct ev'ry one strait 
 Began with boldness to remonstrate; 
 But Boney heeded not their strife, 
 For he was Consul now for life ; 
 His crimes endeavouring not to palliate, 
 He had the courage to retaliate; 
 And those who his intents abused, 
 Of greater folly he accused ; 
 He tax'd them with their disaffection. 
 By giving emigrants protection ; 
 And ev'n to say, he went so far, 
 That England in the midst of war, 
 Had base assassins at her call, 
 And murder'd the late Emp'ror Paul:; 
 He intimated, with like whim, 
 That England wish'd to murder him. 
 
 From conscience-terrors not exempt, 
 How often now our hero dreamt i 
 The ball came whizzing at his head, 
 Ox else a dagger laid him dead— 
 
136 be. syntax's 
 
 How often, parch'd with fear, I think, 
 He'd ring the hell, and call for drink ; 
 But, when presented to his view, 
 He'd cry — " No — thank you — after you. 
 Lest poison got in it hy stealth, 
 He'd make his tester drink his health. 
 
NAPOLEON. 137 
 
 CANTO IX. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap verifies the proverb well, 
 Give him an inch he takes an ell. 
 Imperial dignity he courts, 
 And tries to crush all false reports. 
 He to be Emperor is won — 
 The coronation, and the fun. 
 Poor Josephine fears she's got on 
 A crown, which is a slippery one. 
 Nap to King George presumes to write 
 Again — the answer, and his spite ; 
 He threats the English to oppose — 
 To Italy our hero goes — 
 A coronation — his renown, 
 For he restores the Iron Crown. 
 To France he Genoa annexes, 
 And his new subjects he perplexes. 
 Returns to Paris — with expedition 
 Prepares to crush a coalition— 
 The folly of anticipation — 
 A new conscription — Nap's oration — 
 Crosses the Rhine — his proclamation. 
 He takes Memmengen, and beside, 
 Displays great insolence and pride. 
 Delighted with his valiant deeds, 
 He to Vienna's soil proceeds. 
 
DU. SYNTAX'S 
 
 He's by a disappointment vext ; 
 However, Brunuhe captures next. 
 At Austerlitz his courage shews, 
 And gets the better of his foes ; 
 His politics — a proof his bravery 
 Arose entirely from knavery. 
 An armistice — a treaty sign'd— 
 Nap for a wedding is inclin'd — 
 His present to the bride— the sport 
 He shares at the Bavarian Court. 
 
 AMBITION was our hero's idol, 
 So obstacles he now defied all. 
 Perpetual Consulate acquired, 
 A greater honour he desired. 
 For life a Consul ! what of that ? 
 An Emp'ror's title he aim'd at — 
 Tli' assumption of th' imperial throne 
 Now occupied his thoughts alone. 
 It seems, however, in the way, 
 Some little difficulties lay ; 
 The thinking part of the community, 
 To censure seiz'd an opportunity. 
 The late design'd assassinations 
 Were look'd upon as fabrications; 
 
NAPOLEON. 139 
 
 But, tho', it seems, the people thought, 
 
 Yet no one acted as he ought. 
 
 By Nap's account — perhaps ill-founded, 
 
 Conspirators this time abounded. 
 
 Moreover, as one had been arrested, 
 
 And seemingly his guilt attested ; 
 
 But Nap had not the resolution 
 
 To put his death in execution ; 
 
 He to America was sent, 
 
 Which answered well brave Nap's intent ; 
 
 For, one of his amazing sway, 
 
 'Twas very wise to drive away, 
 
 As he might probably have put 
 
 A stop to his Imperial strut. 
 
 Inhabitants of every kind, 
 
 Were as conspirators confin'd ; 
 
 Some aged folks in gaol were seen, 
 
 And boys and girls, too, scarce fifteen ; 
 
 This made the nation quite ill-humour'd, 
 
 And many tales, of course, were rumour'd, 
 
 So that it was the Consul's lot 
 
 To be suspected of a plot. 
 
 The Guards, Nap bade by proclamation, 
 
 'The false reports in circulation, 
 
 To contradict, and to protest, 
 
 Of men the Consul was the best. 
 
 It seems the people were such elves, 
 
 They kept their thoughts unto themselves, 
 
140 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Unanimously prone to paint 
 
 Napoleon Bonaparte a saint ; 
 
 For, apprehensive of some evil, 
 
 They did not dare to call him devil. 
 
 The brave First Consul now began 
 
 To set on foot his fav'rite plan; 
 
 The Senate, when the doors were clos'd, 
 
 As Emperor of France, propos'd 
 
 Brave Boney, and his heirs — and then 
 
 They call'd him worthiest of men ; 
 
 So mucb accustom'd down to cram a lie, 
 
 They praised, too, his illustrious family. 
 
 What sweet addresses — what kind answers 
 
 A proof mankind, too, oft in France errs; 
 
 All these were equally prepared 
 
 In Boney's closet, 'tis declared. 
 
 Addresses from the army came, 
 
 Which were in tendency the same. 
 
 Nap manag'd matters with facility, 
 
 Such was the people's instability. 
 
 A deputation waited on him, 
 
 And by solicitation won hiin ; 
 
 In a fine sentimental speech, 
 
 Began thev Boney to beseech, 
 
 That he would graciously agree 
 
 The Emperor of France to be; 
 
 Elected by the general voice, 
 
 They said he was the people's choice, 
 
NAPOLEON. J41 
 
 And begg'd the title to confer 
 
 On one who was not prone to err. 
 
 Nap much humility pretended, 
 
 But to accept it condescended. 
 
 The business settled thus, nem. con. 
 
 He put th' imperial purple on. 
 
 More gay appear'd his lovely wife, 
 
 Than e'er she did in all her life ; 
 
 It was enough to make her grin, 
 
 As she was Empress Josephine. 
 
 Nap now sent letters by the dozens 
 
 To the French bishops, his new cousins, 
 
 Informing them that Heav'n indeed 
 
 His elevation had decreed ; 
 
 And, trusting for the same, that they 
 
 Wou'd order a thanksgiving day. 
 
 As Nap — 'twas wise we must allow — 
 
 A Roman Catholic was now; 
 
 A prayer had been, to this intent, 
 
 By the Pope's legate to them sent. 
 
 Moreover, all the christian nations, 
 
 Received the same notifications. 
 
 Soon made they every preparation 
 
 For a most brilliant coronation ; 
 
 'Twas on, as must each bard remember, 
 
 The nineteenth day of dark November; 
 
 When all the streets werestrew'd with sand, 
 
 T' exhibit a procession grand ; 
 
142 DR. syntax's 
 
 And the cathedral, lately scorn'd, 
 
 With sumptuous frippery adorn'd. 
 
 Brave Bonaparte and Josephine 
 
 Preceded by the Pope, walked in ; 
 
 His Holiness the crown anointed, 
 
 And Boney Emperor appointed. 
 
 Then Corsica's impatient son, 
 
 Snatch'd up the crown, and put it on. 
 
 The crown was deck'd with French frippery,. 
 
 And with the oil was rendered slippery; 
 
 Nap kept it on, tho', without dread, 
 
 To let them know he had a head. 
 
 And as to dally he was loth, 
 
 He rapidly pronoune'd the oath — 
 
 As soon as he the oath had swallow'd, 
 
 Another coronation follow'd — 
 
 Fair Josephine advanced, and lo ! 
 
 Nap put on her a crown also. 
 
 " Ah me !" thought she, " there's something wrong, 
 
 I fear it will drop off ere long." 
 
 Of holy oil, it seems, the fair 
 
 Had got too plentiful a share. 
 
 This pantomimic bus'ness o'er, 
 
 Now marched they grandly as before; 
 
 For, tinsell'd pageantry united 
 
 With an equestrian troop, delighted 
 
 The new-made Emperor of Paris, 
 
 As much as C«vent-garden Harris; 
 
*-*^i***?^ 
 
NAPOLEON. 143 
 
 And all the people, for this wise end, 
 
 Were in the finest garments dizen'd; 
 
 Thev finish'd with illuminations, 
 
 Songs, music, dancing, and orations. 
 
 The white wine, which in fountains flow'd, 
 
 Considerable mirth bestow'd. 
 
 The folks enjoy'd, free of expence, 
 
 The glare of lights, which was immense. 
 
 And the new Emperor, with glee, 
 
 Drank till no longer he could see ; 
 
 His popularity t' increase, 
 
 Nap offered England terms of peace; 
 
 But he took care those terms should be 
 
 So insolent, she'd not agree ; 
 
 Therefore, on her, with great ability, 
 
 He threw the censure of hostility. 
 
 A second letter now was written, 
 
 By Boney, to the King of Britain : 
 
 " Your Majesty, I do assure, 
 Can never long this war endure ; 
 Your Majesty must know, 'tis true, 
 That war was waged without a view. 
 How can your Majesty delight in 
 Thus fighting for the sake of fighting ? 
 Tho' powerful our nations are, 
 There's certainly no cause for war ; 
 For, let your Majesty look round, 
 The world will large enough be found ; 
 
144 DR. SYNTAX'* 
 
 Yes, large enough, I do insist, 
 
 For both our nations to exist. 
 
 I wish hostilities to cease, 
 
 For I'm an advocate for peace." 
 
 An answer Bonaparte expected^ 
 
 To Emp'ror Bonaparte directed^ 
 
 For, tho' First Consul he before, 
 
 He was First Consul now no more. 
 
 He tempted England, as they say, 
 
 T" acknowledge his Imperial sway. 
 
 In this, however, the anointed, 
 
 Most wofully was disappointed. 
 
 Lord Mulgrave, on the part of Britain, 
 
 To Boney's Minister had written ; 
 
 And Nap was, in the answer sent, 
 
 Styled " head of the French Government." 
 
 It said that England would be glad, 
 
 A branch of olive could be had, 
 
 But she'd delay, till she was able 
 
 To make a peace that would be stable. 
 
 Soon as this answer met his sight, 
 
 Th' Imperial hero grinn'd with spite ; 
 
 Rapee applying to his nose, 
 
 He paused — then in a fury rose; 
 
 To play the very deuce he threaten'd, 
 
 With Englishmen, and for this great end, 
 
 He had his hundred thousand men 
 
 Assembled, and instructed then. 
 
NAPOLEON. 14£ 
 
 Another project fill'd his head, 
 
 For vanity must still be fed ; 
 
 A second Charlemagne to prove, 
 
 Our hero resolutely strove. 
 
 Addresses manufactured he, 
 
 All which were sent to Italy ; 
 
 To get additional renown, 
 
 He to restore the iron crown 
 
 Of Italy resolved— by which 
 
 He hoped his pockets to enrich. 
 
 T' obtain, was certainly his aim, 
 
 O'er the Peninsula, a claim. 
 
 Now Nap, while filling out his wine, 
 
 Told Josephine his bold design — 
 
 " My dear," said he, and kiss'd her lip, 
 
 " To Italy we'll take a trip." 
 
 To bring about this great event, 
 
 The Emperor and Empress wentw 
 
 When in Milan they both arrived, 
 
 To coax the people Nap contrived ; 
 
 And being a great saint believed, 
 
 With adulation was receiv'd; 
 
 They offer'd to him what he needed, 
 
 And to their wishes he acceded ; 
 
 He by his condescension proved, 
 
 How dearly he his children loved. 
 
 And on the twenty sixth of May 
 
 Began our hero to display 
 
 L 
 
146 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Another coronation splendid, 
 
 While on a throne he sat attended. 
 
 Now highly honor'd and rever'd 
 
 The diadem of France appear'd 
 
 On his right hand and inter alia, 
 
 All its magnificent regalia. 
 
 Whilst on his left hand, to the sight, 
 
 The crown of iron sparkled bright ; 
 
 Tho' iron, this they used to call, 
 
 The cross was iron, that was all; 
 
 The rest was diamonds and pure gold, 
 
 And very lovely to behold. 
 
 The Cardinal Archbishop then 
 
 Began the ceremony — when 
 
 Nap was Italian king protested, 
 
 And with th' insigna too invested ; 
 
 The altar steps he hasten'd soon up, 
 
 And taking quick the precious boon up, 
 
 He placed the crown upon his head 
 
 And in a voice of thunder said 
 
 " Since heav'n has giv'n to me this crown, 
 
 Who dares to touch it I'll knock down." 
 
 When King of Italy thus made, 
 
 His wondrous goodness Nap display'd, 
 
 For now he gave them as each man knew, 
 
 A constitution spick and span new. 
 
 He made another bold advance 
 
 And Genoa annex'd to France ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 147 
 
 On his new subjects, he with skill,, 
 Prevail'd his privy purse to fill, 
 And they'd the honour to provide 
 For Josephine, their queen, beside. 
 With two crowns in his pocket, he 
 Return'd to Paris, full of glee ; 
 And by the fascinated crowd 
 Receiv'd with acclamations loud. 
 As the Ligurian annexation 
 Had caused a deal of consternation, 
 A coalition now of nations 
 Took place to bar these usurpations ; 
 The Emperor, with expedition, 
 Resolved to crush this coalition. 
 This hurly burly, unexpected, 
 Prevented what he'd long projected, 
 For preparations had been made 
 By him Britannia to invade, 
 And plays were acted on th' occasion, 
 Anticipating this invasion — 
 Yes, the Parisians all thought London 
 Wou'd most undoubtedly be undone; 
 And a great many, it is true, 
 Had join'd the army with the view 
 Of setting up in that metropolis, 
 As they were friends to all monopolies ; 
 But Boney's present operations 
 Soon baffled these fond expectations. 
 
14S DR- syntax's 
 
 A military force he rais'd, 
 For which the Senate Boney prais'd, 
 Who to relieve his present need 
 A new conscription had decreed ; 
 " Frenchmen," said he, " I'll do my duty r 
 Your soldiers will be also true t' ye;. 
 Be you still faithful and adherent." 
 Then, having Joseph made Vicegerent, 
 He with his Josephine departed, 
 And for the continent they started. 
 
 As soon as Boney cross'd the Rhine 
 He made a proclamation fine: 
 " Be all our enemies defied, 
 For we will humble soon their pride j 
 Our politics no wrong again 
 Shall from our tenderness sustain ; 
 For none a peace shall e'er have from us 
 Till guaranteed is every promise 
 Fight, soldiers, those who dare to wrong you r 
 For now your Emperor's among you ; 
 Dissolve this new league, whicb has been 
 So wov'n by British gold and spleen ; 
 Some difficulties may befal, 
 But never mind — we'll conquer all." 
 Now with such fury they push'd on 
 Memmengen the French army won, 
 And by the the treachery of Mack 
 Ulm surrendered in a crack — 
 
NAPOLEON- 149 
 
 Soon after the capitulation 
 
 The Austrians with consternation 
 
 Laid down their arms, and to their shame 
 
 Napoleon's prisoners became — 
 
 To Mack and other gen'rals then, 
 
 Thus said our hero — 
 
 " Gentlemen 
 Pray tell your master that he wages 
 A war imprudent and outrageous ; 
 Unmeaning contests I abhor— 
 What is it we are fighting for ? 
 I cannot tell, upon my soul — 
 No more can you — how very droll! 
 Fight, if you like it — who's afraid ? 
 For I have soldiers undismay'd ; 
 The pris'ners whom I've lately taken 
 Know that their courage can't be shaken ; 
 Your troops appear all struck with awe, 
 And your recruits are poor and raw, 
 They won't be soldiers for some years ; 
 Two hundred thousand volunteers 
 Are ready to attend my call, 
 And in six weeks shall beat you all ; 
 Tell then the Emperor, my brother, 
 To put an end to all this pother; 
 Let him agree to sheath the sword 
 Or he'll be sorry, by the Lord!" 
 fc 3 
 
15© DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Mack was reported to have said— 
 " The Emperor of Russia made 
 The Emperor of Austria fight." 
 " Indeed!" cried Nap, " that was not right, 
 But, know then from this very hour 
 Russia shall be no more a pow'r!" 
 
 A bulletin to this effect 
 Did Emp'ror Bonaparte direct — ^ 
 " Soldiers ! but for this sudden fray 
 In London we'd have been this day ,- 
 We, for the sev'ral insults past 
 Would have avenged ourselves at last, 
 And by the merits of the sword 
 Thefreedom of the seas restored." 
 
 At Reid the battle was repeated, 
 Perforce the Austrians retreated : 
 Such now was Nap's impetuosity 
 He cross'd the Ems with great ferocity — 
 The Russians show'd him pretty play, 
 But Nap compell'd them to give way ; 
 However, to retard his trips, 
 They fell'd the bridges o'er the Ips. 
 
 The Austrian cabinet, now daunted, 
 An armistice from Boney wanted — 
 He listen'd to their proposition 
 But swore he'd have his own condition; 
 For Nap could be both rude or civil, 
 An angel or a very devil ! 
 

 TJAP01.E0N. 151 
 
 Delighted with the feats he had done 
 Nap for Vienna now march'd on ; 
 Here he receiv'd a deputation 
 Soliciting his moderation— 
 The citizens in language pretty 
 Begged him to spare th' unhappy city — 
 To spare the unhappy natives, for 
 They had not been the cause of war. 
 With looks of consequence and pride 
 The conquering hero thus replied: 
 " When the French army come this way 
 Throw open wide your gates, I say, 
 But to the Austrian or Russian, 
 Dare not to ope or let them push in." 
 
 Nap here a disappoinlment met, 
 Which made him bite his lips and fret ; 
 He form'd indeed the pleasing thought 
 That somebody might here be caught — 
 He hoped — but 'twas a sad mistake, 
 A noble prisoner here to make — 
 The Austrian Emperor, to wit — 
 But he had previously thought fit 
 From what he gathered from report, 
 To leave this place with all his court— 
 Nor was the Emperor to blame 
 For going ere Napoleon came. 
 
 As soon as Nap Vienna won 
 Without delay he captured Brunn ; 
 1.4 
 
152 u*. syntax's 
 
 The Russians and the Austrians theft 
 United sev'nty thousand men. 
 Nap issued a fine proclamation, 
 Declaring his determination 
 To beat the Russians as before, 
 And trample down the Austrian corps. 
 He bade his soldiers banish care 
 And promis'd to be here and there; 
 In short he would be every where. 
 He said, he had not the least doubt 
 But that the enemy they'd rout, 
 And that he'd have the satisfaction 
 To think the present the last action; 
 For in this battle when victorious 
 An honourable peace and glorious 
 Undoubtedly would follow, then 
 Worthy of France himself and men. 
 
 At Austerlitz they now engaged, 
 And very long the battle raged ; 
 The Allies, tho' they behaved outrageous, 
 Had not positions advantageous ; 
 By Nap of course they were defeated 
 And in disorder they retreated — 
 With empty pride our hero swell'd, 
 He swore his soldiers all excell'd. 
 u Your names," said he, " will live instory^- 
 You're cover'd with eternal glory." 
 
NAPOLEON. 153 
 
 The Russians vengeance still pursu'd, 
 And frequently the war renew'd ; 
 13o furiously they their sabres shook, 
 They their artillery retook — 
 This done they gave three loud huzzas, 
 And left the French in sad amaze. 
 It seems that Boney's politics 
 •Consisted of mere schemes and tricks — 
 His emissaries, as they say, 
 Went all the couriers to way lay — 
 If they resisted, they were murder'd, 
 And of the business not a word heard ; 
 Of course by means of stolen letters 
 Nap became wiser than his betters. 
 It was design'd by this commander 
 To seize the Emp'ror Alexander, 
 But as th' intention was reported 
 Huzzars his Majesty escorted, 
 And the kidnappers, as we hear, 
 Were very glad to disappear. 
 
 Now Nap an armistice demanded, 
 But Alexander, very candid, 
 With his proposals disagreed, 
 They were so very harsh indeed. 
 The Emp'ror Francis he dismay'd, 
 For thus the braggadocio said, 
 " If my proposals should be spurn'd 
 Vienna shall be quickly burn'd : 
 
154 BR- syntax's 
 
 With brother Alexander I 
 Shall have a little talk bye and bye, 
 But I don't value his chagrin, 
 Nor for his Cossacks care a pin." 
 An armistice was now arranged, 
 His quarters then our hero changed; 
 The Presburgh treaty being sign'd 
 He turn'd a match-maker, we find, 
 And in Bavaria's Princess saw 
 A consort for his son-in-law ; 
 A union now he plann'd between 
 This lovely princess and Eugene, 
 Tho' of the lady it is said 
 A German Prince she wish'd to wed. 
 Nap then his gallantry display'd, 
 A present to the bride he made 
 Enough her modesty to shock, 
 Because it was a — British smock. 
 To celebrate the nuptial day 
 About a fortnight did he stay, 
 And, having shared the public sport 
 He quitted the Bavarian court. 
 
NAPOLEON. 155 
 
 CANTO X. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap gives his brother Joe a crown, 
 
 His popularity — renown — 
 
 The legislature he attends, 
 
 And is huzza'd by all his friends. 
 
 A convocation of the Jews — 
 
 Our hero's interested views. 
 
 A Grand Duke of Murat he makes, 
 
 Which Prussia quite in dudgeon takes. 
 
 Our hero plays an artful game, 
 The king of Prussia does the same. 
 An intercepted note — a change 
 Of ministers, in manner strange: 
 Brave Bonaparte throws off the mask, 
 And undertakes a martial task; 
 Against the Prussians war he makes, 
 And of their forts possession takes. 
 The Duke of Brunswick's sudden fall, 
 Accomplish'd by a cannon ball. 
 The states of Brunswick's supplication- 
 Nap's surly answer and vexation- 
 He robs a mail and gets the cash, 
 At Berlin then he cuts a dash. 
 
156 dr. syntax's 
 
 His curious tricks — dissimulation— 
 The hope9 of a pacification. 
 His views for Poland he discloses, 
 The Russians bravely he opposes. 
 His wonders at Puttusk achiev'd, 
 Altho' no wonders as believ'd- 
 
 NOW Naples on his brother Joe 
 
 Brave Nap thought proper to bestow; 
 
 He sent him there with a large force 
 
 The city to retain of course ; 
 
 To him and his male heirs, we find, 
 
 The crown of Naples he consign'd: ■ 
 
 But wisely stipulated, none 
 
 Be thereby kept from Gallia's throne : 
 
 This happ'ning, the two crowns, he said, 
 
 Should never be upon one head ; 
 
 A stipulation which, indeed, 
 
 Was very wisely guaranteed. 
 
 When Nap in Paris show'd his face 
 What fulsome flattery took place! 
 The good which he had done the nation 
 Became the theme of commendation ! 
 The populace with loud huzzas 
 Bestow'd their customary praise, 
 Tho' ten to one if any cause 
 They cou'd assign for their applause j 
 
NAPOLEON. 157 
 
 The sycophants, too, paid their court 
 With speeches of the fairest sort. 
 They his imperial ear address'd, 
 And thus their sentiments express'd— 
 " How happy they who've 'scap'd the wars, 
 Or have survived the recent jars — 
 To witness now their country's gTory, 
 Which will be fam'd in future story. 
 And to contemplate the prosperity 
 Which the French Empire boast in verity; 
 Since by the senate, people, heav'n, 
 The Gallic sceptre has been giv'n 
 To one so truly meritorious, 
 So eminent and so victorious." 
 
 When Nap the senate house attended 
 How was he flatter'd and commended ! 
 His statue, they were pleased t' erect, 
 Was with a crown of laurel deck'd— 
 And really they seem'd alive all 
 Upon the Emperor's arrival. 
 When in the hall he first appear'd 
 Th' artillery's loud shouts were heard ; 
 And when so like a demi god, he 
 Came 'fore the Legislative Body, 
 All the musicians for a while 
 Struck up in a theatric style. 
 Ascending then his throne — oh dear ! 
 What exultations reached his ear. 
 
158 dk. syntax's 
 
 Fair Josephine, and all about, 
 Join'd in the general roar and shout,. 
 " Long live the Emperor — huzza l* 
 And music then began to play. 
 
 The Legislature Nap address'd 
 And all his gratitude express' d — 
 His family, without disguise, 
 He scrupled not to aggrandize ; 
 But boasted with consummate pride 
 His niece should be a Prince's bride ; 
 That very Prince whom, as it proved, 
 The Princess of Bavaria loved, 
 And whom she was not let to wed 
 But forced to have Eugene instead. 
 Of Naples, Boney said the Queen 
 For treason now had ceas'd to reign ; 
 Great, as he stated, was his kindness, 
 And most astonishing her blindness. 
 Three times he pardon'd — but the fourth 
 To o'erlook would be abuse of worth. 
 So Naples he, some months ago 
 Had given to his brother Joe. 
 To Nap a fine address was voted, 
 In which his wondrous deeds were noted,* 
 He as the country's friend was greeted, , 
 For having soon the war completed ; 
 They said he ev'ry hardship shared, 
 And like a common soldier fared, 
 
NAPOLEON. 159 
 
 For he'd no pillow for his head, 
 And only horse dung for his hed ; 
 No curtain but that heav'n, from whence 
 Flow'd all his genius — all his sense ; 
 And " like that very heav'n he seem'd," 
 (The wretches certainly blasphem'd). 
 " For still the Gallic realms he sway'd, 
 And universal skill display'd." 
 Thus they, in language poor and rickety, 
 Ascrib'd to him divine ubiquity. 
 Our hero, with peculiar views, 
 Call'd a convention of the Jews — 
 He stated in his proclamation 
 It was a loving invitation, 
 For that he wish'd t' adopt a mode 
 Chicanery and fraud to explode, , 
 And art and industry promote, 
 That Jews hereafter might devote 
 To honesty their future days 
 Without recourse to knavish ways. 
 For this convention, so extoll'd, 
 Our hero was a Cyrus call'd, 
 As 'twas the general supposition 
 He wish'd to change the Jews' condition ; 
 Nay, it was thought like Cyrus, he 
 Wou'd set the unhappy wand'rers free — 
 The King of Persia had, indeed, 
 Rebuilt their Temple, as we read, 
 
160 dr. syntax's 
 
 So Nap, they said,, had giv'n his word 
 The christian church should he restor'd ;. 
 And now the convocation met, 
 Exhibiting a motley set- 
 Some young, and some who old had grown, 
 Some who had beards and some who'd none. 
 Some who had gabardines, and some 
 Who'd left their gabardines at home. — 
 Now several questions were proposed, 
 And several secrets were disclosed. 
 Polygamy and circumcision 
 Were talk'd of without intermission ; 
 But Levi, speaking of polygamy, 
 Said " Plas ma ! only von shall pig wi' me — 
 Pad times inteed ! vid my von laty 
 I've got shix little vons alreaty — " 
 Of intermarriages they prated, 
 And long the subject was debated : 
 They did not think it much amiss. 
 A christian fair sometimes to kiss, 
 But till she turned, they'd an objection 
 T' accept of her a wife's affection : 
 When other matters were resolv'd 
 The convocation was dissolv'cU 
 Our hero with a secret view 
 Ordain'd this meeting— well he knew 
 That France of Hebrews was indeed full,. 
 And that their serviees were needful. 
 
NAPOLEON. 161 
 
 So by this novel well timed scheme 
 He wisely courted their esteem — 
 In pity of their fallen nation 
 He freely gave them toleration ; 
 And truly set all Abram's kin agog 
 By kindly giving them a synagogue. 
 What wou'd not the great Boney do 
 When interest became his view ? 
 Mark the wild race which he before ran — 
 For this he made his creed the koran, 
 And had those Jews, he stood in need of, 
 Been the great people that we read of, 
 Who once possess'd Jerusalem, 
 He'd doubtless have been one of them. 
 But then by many 'tis surmised 
 He liked not being circumcised. 
 
 Such kindness Bonaparte display'd 
 A Grand Duke of Murat he made ; 
 He wasn't for nothing elevated, 
 Altho' to Bonaparte related ; 
 For Nap, it seems, began to find 
 It was his interest to be kind. — 
 He had an envious eye on Greece, 
 And hoped the people there to fleece ; 
 Of course he all assistance needed 
 Which he insured ere he proceeded. 
 An unexpected fresh campaign, 
 Some of his projects render'd vain. 
 M 
 
162 Br. syntax's 
 
 The Duchies which Murat possess'^, 
 The Prussian Cabinet distrest ; 
 Of course a murmuring arose, 
 And words led afterwards to blows. 
 Nap previously essay'd to wheedle 
 Great Britain, but he did succeed ill. 
 He heard of Prussia's fears by rumour, 
 And strove to keep her in good humour; 
 But offering Hanover to Britain, 
 Was now the rock he 'gan to split on ; 
 for wond'ring what he would be at, 
 The King of Prussia rail'd at that ; 
 To part with Hanover, we find, 
 His Majesty was not inclin'd. 
 The Russian Cabinet, it seems, 
 Now yielded to our hero's schemes ; 
 He by a quick negociation, 
 Establish'd a confederation, 
 And this alliance of the Rhine, 
 He forc'd them in July to sign. 
 While Italy resolv'd to fleece, 
 Nap also had an eye on Greece. 
 The German Emp'ror, to his shame, 
 His very humble slave became, 
 Resigning, as brave Nap decreed, 
 His title, by a formal deed. 
 Now Nap and Prussia, as recorded, 
 Like specimens of art afforded j 
 
NAPOLEON. 16c 
 
 For both determin'd on a riot, 
 Yet both determin'd to be quiet. 
 The Prussian Minister, at length, 
 Began to smoke his muster'd strength, 
 And therefore to the Prussian Court, 
 The same determin'd to report ; 
 He wrote a letter with much gab in it, 
 Intended only for that Cabinet ; 
 It had been better he had kept it, 
 The letter being intercepted ; 
 Nap swore, when ceasing to peruse it, 
 He'd for a proper purpose use it, 
 And he insisted, in a scrawl, 
 Their Minister they should recall. 
 Prussia so well affairs arrang'd, 
 Th' Ambassador was quickly changed ; 
 The one she sent now, never thought 
 A battle was by either sought. 
 By mutual dissimulation 
 Prolong'd they their determination. 
 At length the mask our hero threw off, 
 And quitted Paris with the view of 
 Heading his army at the Rhine, 
 And prosecuting his design. 
 Then Prussia quickly war declar'd, 
 And for hostilities prepared. 
 With Nap determined to contend, 
 Tho* now without a single friend. 
 M 2 
 
164 br. syntax's 
 
 Her King to Nap had sent a letter, 
 
 Of twenty pages, if not better, 
 
 Enumerating all the evils 
 
 He'd suffered from the Prince of devils. 
 
 Nap said to Berthier, when he read it, 
 
 " For patience I must give him credit ; 
 
 But I prolixity abhor, 
 
 So, to be brief, we'll go to war ; 
 
 I certainly polite must be, 
 
 As I a handsome queen shall see." 
 
 The Prussian Queen her forces cheer'd, 
 
 She in the midst of them appear'd, 
 
 Drest like a military man, 
 
 She gave her orders to the van. 
 
 But Boney play'd his part, they tell, 
 
 Both skilfully and very well. 
 
 The Prussians, furious and incens'd, 
 
 At Schleitz hostilities commenc'd ; 
 
 Prince Lewis suddenly was slain, 
 
 And Nap successful was again. 
 
 A smart, but as laconic note, 
 
 He to the King of Prussia wrote, 
 
 Declaring he had better far 
 
 Decline an unpropitious war, 
 
 Which could not do him any good, 
 
 But cause a deal of human blood. 
 
 Our hero, so alert and wise, 
 Now took the Prussians by surprise ; 
 
NAPOLEON. l6o 
 
 They quickly turn'd, and, by these means, 
 He carried off their magazines. 
 At Jena he began to wage 
 A battle, with consummate rage ; 
 And while the plains with cannon shook, 
 He forty thousand pris'ners took ; 
 By speeches he his troops delighted, 
 And magnanimity excited ; 
 His airs he to the vanquish'd show'd, 
 For like a game-cock loud he crow'd. 
 " AW friendship you have scorn'd with me, 
 So now my hatred you shall see, 
 More violent in people's notion, 
 Than is the tempest of an ocean." 
 He bade the Saxons to be quiet, 
 And not to countenance a riot, 
 But hail him as a gracious friend, 
 His visit being for the end 
 Of saving them from degradation, 
 And punishing the Prussian nation. 
 Success attended Boney's arms, 
 Continually he spread alarms ; 
 With indignation unappeas'd, 
 The Prussian fortresses he seiz'd. 
 The Duke of Brunswick he surrounded, 
 Who by a cannon-ball was wounded. 
 The States of Brunswick then besought, 
 That in his father's family vault 
 M 3 
 
166 dr. syntax's 
 
 The noble Duke might be inten'iF ,- 
 
 But of our hero 'tis averr'd, 
 
 As soon as the request was made, 
 
 With savage fury thus he said : 
 
 " Go, tell the Duke of Brunswick this> 
 
 His bold request I take amiss; 
 
 By heav'n, I'd rather Belgium cede, 
 
 Renounce th' Italian crown indeed, 
 
 Than suffer any of his race, 
 
 To set a foot upon this place ; 
 
 Let him for England quickly make, 
 
 And all his cash and jewels take/' 
 
 Our here seem'd not to suppose, 
 
 Th' intreary from the people rose; 
 
 Tho' much vexation he betray 'd, 
 
 At the affection they display' <k 
 
 Of Berlin Boney got possession, 
 
 When he committed a transgression, 
 
 For having met, or wateh'd, no- doubt, 
 
 The post for Hamburgh going out ; 
 
 Resistance prov'd of no avail, 
 
 And so our hero robb'd the mail ; 
 
 The bills which were on Hamburgh drawn> 
 
 He wisely kept, and by next dawn, 
 
 These he his myrmidons he sent, 
 
 Who instantly for payment went ; 
 
 Indeed the payment was enforced, 
 
 Tho' none accepted or indorsed. 
 
NAPOLEON. 167 
 
 At Potsdam the brave Boney staid, 
 And wond'rous sympathy display'd; 
 He went to see great Frederick's room, 
 And gaz'd awhile upon his tomb; 
 But durmghis affected wonder, 
 He ne'er forgot his tricks of plunder ; 
 The precious relics, then before him, 
 Our hero seiz'd without decorum, 
 And he his orders gave, that thev 
 To Paris should be sent away. 
 
 A public entry having made, 
 At Berlin he his airs display'd ; 
 A court-day absolutely held, 
 And due attendance there compell'd. 
 Of Prussia's King he made a scoff, 
 And all his little taunts play'd off. 
 And here he" issued a decree, 
 The most invet'rate that cou'd be, 
 In hopes t' annoy Great Britain's trade, 
 All commerce with her he forbade. 
 The capture he ordain'd, 'tis true, 
 Of British ships — the seizure, too, 
 Of letters, if in English written, 
 Or if directed to Great Britain ; 
 And this he styled — a strange romance ! 
 The fundamental law of France. 
 Now Boney with good views, no doubt, 
 The hopes of speedy peace held out. 
 M 4 
 
165 bu. syntax's 
 
 The King of Prussia he amus'd, 
 For he to make a peace refus'd ; 
 Except on terms, to which, indeed, 
 The Prussian King cou'd not accede. 
 An armistice at last he granted, 
 Which Nap to be rejected wanted. 
 Our hero to the Poles profess'd, 
 That they by him should be redress'd ; 
 And Russia hearing this, of course, 
 To Warsaw sent a valiant force; 
 This gave our hero great offence, 
 He swore he'd drive them all from thence j 
 Determin'd to defeat the Russian, 
 As he had lately done the Prussian ; 
 The battle of Pullusk was fought, 
 And wonders valiant Boney wrought j 
 These wonders Russia, tho' denied, 
 Some think that they were magnified, 
 As the French bulletins, indeed, 
 With those of Russia disagreed. 
 
NAPOLEON.. 169 
 
 Ifr 
 
 CANTO XI. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Bkave Bonaparte to Sweden sends, 
 But gets an answer which offends. 
 Commencing then a new campaign, 
 He with the Russians fights again ; 
 His men, distrestfor want of food, 
 Are punish'd for their surly mood. 
 At Eylau Boney struggles hard, 
 And strews with bodies the church-yard. 
 A note to Empress Josephine, 
 Informing her the French still win. 
 Boney's intent and proclamation 
 To cover his determination. 
 By Nap Prince Jerome is employ'd — 
 Nap by the Russians is annoy'd. 
 He changes quarters, and takes Dantzic, 
 Altho' of fighting ev'ry man's sick. 
 His consequence— his liberality- 
 Yet his rewards — none in reality. 
 He seeks a peace, but seeks in vain, 
 And so resolves to fight again. 
 
170 dr. syntax's 
 
 The siege of Friedlandhe begins, 
 And with great difficulty wins. 
 Nap's modesty — the Peace of Tilsit, 
 Accomplish'd as our hero wills it. 
 All parties now appear quite gay, 
 Nap crowns and kingdoms gives away. 
 In cog. he travels with a queen, 
 The greatest man was ever seen ; 
 And having canonized his name, 
 Returns to Paris with great fame. 
 
 OUR hero thinking to succeed in 
 His views of winning over Sweden ; 
 Sent to Gustavus, as disclos'd, 
 And overtures of peace propos'd. 
 He offer'd Norway, as the price, 
 Which he imagin'd would suffice. 
 Gustavus sent this answer brief, 
 " Th' ally of such a noted thief, 
 I am resolv'd not to become, 
 As long as ever I've a home." 
 Nap took this answer so uncivil, 
 He wish'd Gustavus at the devil. 
 And in a fury he began 
 To prosecute his warlike plan ; 
 As Konigsburg our hero sought, 
 Ajyain he with the Russians fought; 
 
NAPOLEON. 171 
 
 Marengo was the place of action, 
 And with apparent satisfaction, 
 The victory both parties claim'd, 
 At which they certainly both gain'd; 
 But, notwithstanding Boney's boast, 
 'Tis thought the Russians did the most ; 
 Yet he the Russians ever ran down, 
 And swore they Poland shou'd abandon, 
 The Cossacks he declar'd were Bears, 
 And only fit to say their pray'rs ; 
 Because, whene'er they were distrest, 
 Themselves they always cross'd and blest. 
 Napoleon instantly push'd on, 
 And some important places won ; 
 But half his men, as understood, 
 Were famishing for want of food ; 
 Four days from meat they had abstain'd, 
 And so of hungry guts complain'd. 
 To silence all the clam'rous ranks, 
 Our hero play'd some pretty pranks ; 
 He said to those that made a rout, 
 Let ev'ry fifth man now step out — 
 And death was ev'ry fifth man's lot, 
 For an example they were shot. 
 The battle of Eylau ensued, 
 With blood the church-yard was embrued. 
 For in the very church's face, 
 This sanguinary war took place. 
 
 [• 
 
172 dr. syntax's 
 
 And many corpses lay, 'tis said, 
 Unburied, o'er the buried dead ; 
 Nap to the church-yard quick advanc'd, 
 And at the foe's position glanc'd, 
 To drive the Russians from their post, 
 Let whatsoever it might cost, 
 He then resolv'd, and to succeed, 
 He suffer'd a great loss indeed. 
 Each party's loss was nearly equal, 
 As was apparent from the sequel. 
 Corpse upon corpse was rudely rear'd, 
 And villages in flames appear'd. 
 Houses with litters they surrounded, 
 The rooms were full of badly wounded. 
 In short, this sanguinary fight, 
 Produc'd a melancholy sight. 
 Nap bade his confidential friend 
 A letter to his wife to send. 
 Obedient Berthier did his best, 
 And thus he Josephine address' d — 
 " The Emperor commenc'd th' attack> 
 The Russian army then fell back, 
 Who is there that can e'er withstand 
 The Emperor with sword in hand? 
 « We're conquerors — so banish sorrow," 
 We'll be in Konigsburg to-morrow ; 
 But sev'ral morrows came, I wot, 
 Yet they in Konigsburg were not ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 173 
 
 Nor were they long in Eylau either, 
 
 For Nap perceiVd he could not stay there. 
 
 He was exceedingly embarrass'd, 
 
 And by the Cossacks always harass'd ; 
 
 He from these bears experienced crosses, 
 
 And many were his daily losses, 
 
 So that our hero, in a crack, 
 
 Resolv'dfrom Eylau to fall back, 
 
 But, lest this resolution great, 
 
 Might be consider'd a retreat, 
 
 To cover his determination, 
 
 He made this pompous proclamation — 
 
 il Brave soldiers — by the foe annoy'd, 
 
 We no repose of late enjoy'd, 
 
 But we've pursued him eighty leagues, 
 
 And baffled all his bold intrigues ; 
 
 To his strong holds he has retired, 
 
 While fame immortal we've acquired, 
 
 In Bergfreid, Deppen, Hoff, and Eylau, 
 
 He's lost 'bout forty thousand, — while awe, 
 
 Destruction, desolation, dread, 
 
 Our weapons every where have spread ; 
 
 We must acknowledge, to be true, 
 
 That we have also lost — a few ; 
 
 Why for these heroes should we sigh, 
 
 Who in the bed of honour lie ? 
 
 A glorious death, indeed, they've died, 
 
 Which by the foe can't be denied; 
 
174 UK. SYNtAX's 
 
 A soldier's death — a death of fame, 
 Their relatives our kindness claim, 
 And they undoubtedly shall find, 
 We'll be, as usual, very kind ; 
 Then, soldiers, since the foe's defeated, 
 Since to his holds he has retreated ; 
 Our winter quarters we'll resume, 
 As there we'll have sufficient room ; 
 Those who shall insolently dare 
 To interrupt our quiet there, 
 Shall have occasion to repent, 
 As to Old Nick they shall be sent ; 
 For whether here or there are we, 
 Winter or Autumn let it be — 
 Still as French soldiers we'll behave, 
 Of the grand army, ever brave." 
 Our hero matters so arranged, 
 His quarters instantly he changed, 
 And with that place was now content, 
 Where he his winter lately spent. 
 Hjs brother Jerome, then a prince, 
 But who has been much greater since, 
 Had, at this period, pretty sport, 
 Attacking each Silesian fort. 
 Tho' Nap extensive ground possess'd 
 Yet he enjoy'd but little rest. 
 Spite of the arts which he employ'd, 
 By Russians he was still annoy'd ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 175 
 
 To Friekenstein he soon remov'd, 
 
 And here a man of business prov'd, 
 
 For he great preparations made, 
 
 Some other places to invade. 
 
 Tho' his poor soldiers, sadly used, 
 
 With hopes of rest had been amused. 
 
 Dantzic surrender'd, of which post, 
 
 Our hero made a pompous toast, 
 
 And so much consequence display'd there, 
 
 He a triumphal entry made there. 
 
 His troops, for valour so regarded, 
 
 He very handsomely rewarded; 
 
 For he commanded, it is said, 
 
 Ten francs to be hereafter paid 
 
 To every man who'd been employ'd, 
 
 In seizing what they then enjoy'd; 
 
 But this command was not convey'd 
 
 With an intent to be obey'd; 
 
 But titles really he gave, 
 
 To every officer was brave, 
 
 Accompanied with many thanks, 
 
 For these were cheaper far than francs. 
 
 Tho' Boney at this period fought, 
 
 A peace he notwithstanding sought, 
 
 Concluding he'd insure his laurels, 
 
 Cou'd he well terminate the quarrels, 
 
 And that in Paris he'd be greeted, 
 
 If such a measure he completed ; 
 
176 or. sfntax's 
 
 But then his terms so hard, and dear too, 
 
 Th' Allies it seems would not give ear to ; 
 
 So the negotiation stopp'd, 
 
 And, for the present, peace was dropp'd. 
 
 For Friedland now Napoleon push'd, 
 
 And into Keilsburg quickly rush'd. 
 
 Eylau he visited once more, 
 
 Which he had visited before: 
 
 Advancing then, as was the plan, 
 
 The seige of Friedland he began. 
 
 So well the Russians play'd their parts 
 
 The French had palpitating hearts. 
 
 Not meeting with their usual luck, 
 
 Poor Boney's men were thunderstruck. 
 
 So gallantly repulsed by heroes 
 
 No wonder truly so much fear rose. 
 
 It was hot work, we must allow, 
 
 It being summer season now; 
 
 At length the vict'ry was decided, 
 
 For in his numbers Nap confided, 
 
 And, breaking all the Russian lines, 
 
 Succeeded in his bold designs. 
 
 Soon as this battle was concluded 
 
 The streets were fill'd with not a few dead, 
 
 Indeed, as some historians tell, 
 
 Near eighteen thousand persons fell. 
 
 Nap had the modesty to say 
 
 He \ost Jive hundred on that day, 
 
NAPOLEON. 177 
 
 But this it seems was a mistake 
 Which he was very apt to make ; 
 Did he five thousand only state'em 
 We shouldn't have noticed the Erratum. 
 Nap boasted that the foe's defeat 
 Was rendered easy and complete, 
 But his account was a mere bubble, 
 For 'twas attended with great trouble ; 
 And many times 'twas three to one 
 That this all-cony'ring hero won. 
 Now to the Pregel, as 'tis said, 
 Our hero his whole army led, 
 And, having thrown a bridge across, 
 He pass'd it o'er without a loss. 
 To Tilsit bravely he push'd on, 
 But not until the foe was gone ; 
 And now commenc'd a stipulation 
 Which led to a pacification. 
 Nap, with the hopes of peace delighted, 
 The Russian Emperor invited, 
 And for this interview, with craft, 
 Had been prepar'd a pretty raft, 
 Which on the river Niemen floated, 
 With two commodious tents, devoted 
 To the sole use of the contractors, 
 Who were indeed conspicuous actors ; 
 The signal given, as commanded, 
 Each from his boat together landed, 
 
 N 
 
178 
 
 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 And on this raft, their ends to get, 
 By Nap was Alexander met — 
 Exchanging the fraternal hug 
 They took their seats in manner snag, 
 When Nap hegan his wheedling jargon, 
 And made, depend on't, a good bargain. 
 The peace of Tilsit, as recorded, 
 A temporaryrest afforded. 
 
 And now three sovereigns, they say, 
 Sat down together very gay ; 
 Meaning the Emperor of Russia, 
 Our hero, and the King of Prussia. 
 Their visits to each other, they 
 Alternately were wont to pay. 
 Napoleon talk'd of this and that, 
 And entertain'd them witlr his chat. 
 Their life guards, who were much delighted, 
 To dinner were by Nap's invited, 
 The brotherly embrace went round 
 There was not a discordant sound ; 
 In harmony the day they spent, 
 Each countenance display'd content. 
 Now matters were so well arrang'd 
 A while they uniforms exchang'd, 
 And after they had dined and talk'd 
 Together thro' the streets they walk'd. 
 
 
 

 
 a 
 
 ■® 
 
 © 
 
 © 
 
 J 
 
NAPOLEON. 179 
 
 Nap by this treaty took good care 
 Britain no benefit should share ; 
 For, by the terms which he impos'd, 
 Against her every port was closed. 
 His brother Joseph, as we see, 
 Was King of Naples own'd to be; 
 Yet Nap resolv'd to spare no pain. 
 To put him on the throne of Spain. 
 His brother Louis was, 'tis true, 
 Acknowledged King of Holland, too ; 
 Westphalia, a new kingdom, he 
 Establish'd now in Germany ; 
 And Nap, as liberal as brave, 
 This to his brother Jerome gave. 
 How great indeed our hero's sway 
 Who crowns and kingdoms gave away ; 
 With all these feathers in his cap 
 For Italy away set Nap. 
 Milan our hero reach'd, and then 
 He issued a decree again 
 Like that of Berlin, so that now 
 No British commerce he'd allow. 
 He with the King of Spain, we're told, 
 A correspondence deign'd to hold, 
 Respecting Ferdinand's arrest; 
 But it must truly be confest 
 US 
 
180 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Nap's answers show'd equivocation, 
 Evasion and dissimulation ; 
 He did not think it fit to say 
 Why the king's son he kept away ; 
 But with consummate grace indeed 
 He very generously agreed 
 That Ferdinand (t' avoid all strife), 
 Shou'd choose from his own stock a wife. 
 No doubt he meant th' intended fair 
 
 To make a queen of any where; 
 
 And thus secure the Spanish throne 
 For his dear brother Joe alone. 
 As monarchs did some time ago, 
 Nap travell'd home incognito. 
 For he assumed another title, 
 But why can neither you nor I tell ; 
 We understand the Duke of Venice 
 To be the title which was then his. 
 Etruria's young Queen Regent he 
 Had with him now for company ; 
 And 'bout this time, as 'tis surmised, 
 Himself our hero canonized. 
 To Roque he as a Saint objected, 
 And so the calendar corrected ; 
 That name was instantly erased 
 And in its stead Napoleon placed. 
 
NAPOIEON. 181 
 
 Thus Nap appeared a demi-god, 
 
 For he commanded with a nod ; 
 
 Disposing of not only towns 
 
 And earthly thrones, but heavenly crowns ! 
 
 To Paris he return'd with cheer 
 
 In the beginning of the year. 
 
 
 n 3 
 
\Bf DB. SYNTAX'S 
 
 CANTO XII. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 A famous interview takes place, 
 Nap cheats the royal Spanish race; 
 So ill is the Queen Regent treated, 
 She's of her crown and jewels cheated. 
 Nap strives the Spaniards to subdue — 
 Is disappointed in his view, 
 They spurn the thoughts of subjugation- 
 His brother Joe's inauguration. 
 Nap goes to Paris, and deceives 
 The Senate with th' account he gives. 
 He keeps in ignorance the folks, 
 And strives the Austrians to hoax. 
 He from the Germans, now his dupes, 
 Takes away eighty thousand troops ; 
 Not only making nations fools, 
 But also rendering them his tools- 
 His proclamation — much ado 
 By means of a grand interview. 
 T' attend in person the campaign, 
 Our hero now sets off for Spain ; 
 His arrogance and saucy threats — 
 Possession of Madrid he gets. 
 
NAPOLEON. 183 
 
 The Papal States his prey become, 
 
 He drives the Cardinals from Rome, 
 
 He also sends the Pope to quod, 
 
 And says he wishes to serve God. 
 
 He an old custom now revives, 
 
 And to vex Austria contrives. 
 
 The Emperor Francis war declares — 
 
 To join his army Nap repairs. 
 
 Our hero's ostentatious ways ; 
 
 He acts however as he says — 
 
 Ratisbon and Vienna seizes, 
 
 And seems to do whate'er he pleases. 
 
 He thinks th' Hungarians he can coax, 
 
 But finds they are too honest folks. 
 
 The Austrians, without dismay, 
 
 Enthusiastic joy display, 
 
 A brave resistance too they make— 
 
 Our hero's glory is at stake. 
 
 To conquer Aspern he takes pains, 
 
 But never victor long remains. 
 
 Our hero's labor is in vain, 
 
 'Tis lost and ta'en, and lost again ; 
 
 Repulses constantly he meets, 
 
 But by good management retreats. 
 
 Another blow he means to strike — 
 
 Remarks which many may not like — 
 
 At Wagram, Bonaparte succeeds, 
 
 For he's supposed to do great deeds. 
 
 A peace now terminates the quarrels, 
 
 And Nap to Paris takes his laurels. 
 
 N4 
 
184 DJt. SYNTAX'S 
 
 ALREADY mentioned it has been 
 Nap travell'd with Etruria's Queen, 
 Who, by his artifices won, 
 Brought with her too her infant son, 
 While Ferdinand, it is well known, 
 Had been deluded to Bayonne, 
 Brave Nap, with Josephine his fair, 
 From Paris went to meet them there ; 
 A famous interview took place 
 »Tween Boney and this noble race : 
 When the Queen Regent of Etruria 
 Perceiv'd his tricks how great her fury ; 
 But while she vented her chagrin 
 He said, to mollify her spleen, 
 " On Ferdinand, pray don't you know, 
 The crown of Naples I'll bestow, 
 And to young Carlos, as I live, 
 That of Etruria I will give — 
 In marriage I'll provide a niece 
 For the young gentlemen apiece, 
 So let them now an answer make 
 If my kind offer they will take." 
 
NAVOLEON. 185 
 
 Young Carlos modestly replied, 
 
 .And yet with 3ome degree of pride — 
 
 " I'm but an Infant, Sir, of Spain — 
 
 I was not born a kiDg to reign." 
 
 While Ferdinand, remaining grave, 
 
 No answer to our hero gave. 
 
 Nap for an answer paused awhile — 
 
 Then said, with a malicious smile, 
 
 " This is your only choice indeed — 
 
 Either to die or to accede." 
 
 Such Boney's peremptory ways, 
 
 That Ferdinand was in amaze. 
 
 Unfit now to encounter force 
 
 He was obliged to yield of course. 
 
 The aged monarch's abdication 
 
 Soon followed his son's resignation. 
 
 A general, to Nap obedient, 
 
 Now took great care of the Queen Regent, 
 
 At his desire the queen thought fit 
 
 Ker crown and jewels to commit 
 
 To this man's charge; but he, it seems, 
 
 Was an adept in Boney's schemes. 
 
 The crown indeed he took great care of — 
 
 'Twas broke up — with the jewels thereof; 
 
 Another ornament instead . 
 
 Was fashioned, for his lady's head : 
 
 However Nap found means to have it, 
 
 And to the Queen of Holland gave it. 
 
186 . DR. SYNTAX S 
 
 Thus the Queen Regent was bereft 
 Of all her jewels— none were left. 
 Nap issued to the Spanish nation 
 This most insulting proclamation — 
 " Your Princes have in manner kind, 
 The crown of Spain to me resign'd. 
 Old is your nation — that's a truth, 
 But I'll restore it to its youth." 
 He wheedled and cajoled in vain, 
 The patriotic sons of Spain : 
 They, by the answers they return'd, 
 His infamous proposals spurn'd, 
 Tho' he the Junta, by persuasion, 
 Had made his friends on the occasion. 
 
 Now having seen, with exultation, 
 His brother Joe's inauguration, 
 Nap left Bayonne with Josephine 
 And soon in Paris they were seen. 
 In speeches, previously invented, 
 He to the Senate represented 
 That all which he had lately done 
 Was with the view, and that alone, 
 Of keeping the Peninsula 
 From being under British sway. 
 Great Bonaparte, as truly said, 
 His ingenuity display'd ; 
 For tho' th' inhabitants of Spain 
 Began to murmur and complain— 
 
NAPOLEON. 186 
 
 Tho' one and all, with hearts of lions, 
 Began to bid him a defiance — 
 Yet Nap quite secret kept the whole, 
 As o'er the press he'd full control ; 
 And publish'd many a false remark 
 To keep the people in the dark. 
 All the respectable and noted 
 In Spain, he said, were his devoted, 
 And zealously espous'd indeed, 
 The dynasty he had decreed. - 
 He own'd (for he cou'd not deny it), 
 There were a few inclin'd to riot — 
 But they were merely ragamuffins, 
 Tatterdemallions, rogues, and ruffians, 
 Who, being ignorant aud base-born, 
 He consequently held in scorn. 
 By this, we find, Napoleon was able 
 To write a story very plausible ; 
 No wonder the Parisians then 
 Were dupes of his insidious pen, 
 For at this time they had no notion 
 There was in Cadiz a commotion. 
 Nap kept a secret all bad news, 
 And tho' he in his present views 
 A kind of disappointment met, 
 He Germany did not forget. 
 Lo Austria began to tremble, 
 And Nap as usual to dissemble, 
 
188 DR. syntax's 
 
 He seem'd quite civil and serene, 
 
 And kindly said he did not mean 
 
 The house of Austria to humble, 
 
 And therefore begg'd she would not grumble. 
 
 But while this kindness he affected 
 
 It seems he was the more suspected. 
 
 The Austrian cabinet began 
 
 To see into his wicked plan ; 
 
 Indeed his actions told it plain, 
 
 For as he did with those of Spain, 
 
 So with the German troops, 'tis said, 
 
 A pretty game our hero play'd. 
 
 For eighty thousand of this nation, 
 
 Called troops of the Confederation, 
 
 He took, as term'd, into his pay, 
 
 (Tho' not a doit perhaps had they), 
 
 He clothed them like French troops indeed, 
 
 And sent them into France with speed, 
 
 To form in all those places garrisons ; 
 
 From whence, it seems, so many Paris' sons, 
 
 Had lately been to Spain dispatch'd, 
 
 And thus with impudence unmatch'd, 
 
 T' assist him in his hostile labours 
 
 Nap absolutely forced his neighbours. 
 
 Part of those troops he also sent 
 
 To Spain, it being his intent 
 
 To make at present every nation 
 
 Assist in mutual subjugation. 
 
NAPOLEON. 189 
 
 And he foresaw, 'tis very plain, 
 That other pow'rs then would sustain 
 The greatest loss, and in the mean time 
 The French to multiply wou'd gain time. 
 Nap for his troops' con>ideration 
 Sent forth this famous proclamation — 
 
 " Soldiers, my injuries are such 
 That I declare I need you much, 
 The hideous leopard comes again, 
 Polluting Portugal and Spain — 
 But let your visages affright 
 And put this enemy to flight; 
 To Herculus's Pillars bear \ 
 
 Our glorious eagles, for I swear /• 
 
 That ample vengeance I'll have there. * 
 
 Oh my brave soldiers, you indeed 
 All modern heroes far exceed— 
 Eternal happiness and fame 
 Shall your reward be for the same ; 
 Your valor do I put such hope in 
 The sea shall soon be free and open." 
 
 Nap with the Russian Emp'ror now 
 Became quite free we must allow ; 
 At Erfurth, the appointed spot, 
 They met together, as I wot, 
 And German kings and princes, too, 
 Were present at this interview, 
 
190 db. syntax's 
 
 Save Emp'ror Francis, who, they say, 
 
 Sent an apology that day. 
 
 How many compliments were paid, 
 
 How great the pomp that was display'd, 
 
 Oh, nothing — nothing cou'd he grander 
 
 Than Bonaparte and Alexander ! 
 
 Alternately they dined together, 
 
 And often rode out in fine weather ; 
 
 To be so jovial, gay, and free 
 
 Suited Napoleon to a T. 
 
 Thro' Alexander's mediation 
 
 With England, a negociation 
 
 Was set a going, for the end 
 
 Of leaving Spain without a friend, 
 
 The British monarch, ever wise, 
 
 Refus'd t' abandon his allies, 
 
 Still Spain by England was protected, 
 
 And Boney's terms with scorn rejected. 
 
 Our hero then set off for Spain 
 T' attend in person the campaign, 
 And tho' he no great wonders did 
 He found his way into Madrid. 
 On its surrender, he, intent, 
 A peremptory summons sent. 
 With countenance both stern and rude 
 The Spanish Deputies he view'd. 
 His conduct in the present scheme 
 Was insolent in the extreme. 
 
NAPOLEON. 191 
 
 For, in an angry tone, said he, 
 
 " If that your city don't agree, 
 
 To yield by five o'clock to-morrow, 
 
 You shall repent it to your sorrow, 
 
 So be advis'd, and save your bacon 
 
 Or by assault it shall be taken, 
 
 And every fellow, by the lord, 
 
 I'll instantly put to the sword !" 
 
 Like menaces, and violations, 
 
 He testified in proclamations ; 
 
 He said if they did not think fit, 
 
 To their new sov'reign to submit, 
 
 The crown on his own head he'd place, 
 
 And treat their kingdom, in that case, 
 
 Like one that's conquer'd — for another 
 
 He'd soon provide for his dear brother; 
 
 Then impiously he added — " Heaven 
 
 To one most graciously hath given 
 
 The inclination and ability, 
 
 T' encounter perils with facility.'' 
 
 Madrid surrendered, and ambition 
 
 Was gratified by her submission. 
 
 When Nap (to make new governments prone) 
 
 Had plac'd Murat on Naples' throne. 
 
 The Papal States, we also find, 
 
 With the French empire then he join'd. 
 
 The cardinals he drove from Rome, 
 
 And made confinement the Pope's doom ; 
 
192 DK. syntax's 
 
 As an excuse for this attack, 
 
 He said 'twas fit he shou'd take back 
 
 What to the church had been devoted, 
 
 That piety might be promoted. 
 
 Two nunneries great Nap decreed, 
 
 Which some thought very strange indeed ; 
 
 For this seclusion being folly rated, 
 
 Had not for many years been tolerated ; 
 
 But Nap the system now revived, 
 
 As sport from it might be derived ; 
 
 The nunneries which he ordain'd, 
 
 Three hundred ladies each contain'd ; 
 
 No males whatever had access 
 
 To the fair company, unless 
 
 The Prince of the Imperial blood, 
 
 Whose visits certainly did good. 
 
 In short, those nunneries became 
 
 Like houses of another name ; 
 
 But so much charms you cou'd not meet 
 
 In King's Place, or in Chandos-street. 
 
 Nap, in his diaries, made bold 
 
 To mock the Austrians, and he told 
 
 Such barefac'd lies — I mean romances, 
 
 That he quite bullied Emp'ror Francis ; 
 
 Nap's ridicule so much incens'd him, 
 
 That Francis now made war against him ; . 
 
 The active Nap, without delay, 
 
 Now join'd his army in array. 
 
NAPOLEON. 193 
 
 At Donawerth, which was his station, 
 He issued this fine proclamation — 
 " Soldiers ! you see what's come to pass, 
 The Austrian general is an ass; 
 I come to you with lightning's speed, 
 And here, behold — I am indeed ! 
 And I was with you, too, before, 
 When Austria's Emp'ror came t' implore 
 My clemency — and, what is more, 
 Eternal friendship then he swore. 
 Brave soldiers ! you cannot forget, 
 That thrice the Austrians we have beat ; 
 These past successes are, indeed, 
 A pledge we shall again succeed ; 
 March on, brave soldiers, then, apace, 
 The enemy let's bravely face, 
 And when our eagles meet his eyes, 
 His conquerors he'll recognize." 
 
 The Archduke Charles the Austrians led,. 
 And terror every where he spread, 
 Like vivid lightning dashing on, 
 Awhile the Austrian hero won. 
 But Nap the victory revil'd, 
 By him a " feeble" one 'twas styled ; 
 However, by his own confession, 
 It made on Boney some impression, 
 For his Imperial worship swore, 
 Before another day was o'er, 
 o 
 
194 DR. SYNTAXES 
 
 He wou'd have ample vengeance on 
 Th' insulting foe, and Ratisbon 
 Should be embrued with Austrian blood. 
 His word he certainly made good, 
 The Austrians at Eckmuhl fail'd, 
 When suddenly by Nap assail'd ; 
 This war to them was un propitious, 
 Thro' their manoeuvres injudicious, 
 And meeting with a sad defeat, 
 Precipitate was their retreat ; 
 The Archduke Charles, as it is thought, 
 By Bonaparte would have been caught, 
 But that his horse, thro' thick and thin, 
 Scamper' d amidst the battle's din. 
 Nap play'd the devil, and anon, 
 His army enter'd Ratisbon ; 
 They kill'd, without remorse or pity, 
 And then on flames they set the city. 
 E're Hiller cou'd a junction form, 
 With Charles, Nap rais'd auother storm, 
 And having seiz'd Vienna, then 
 Assumed great consequence again ; 
 To terminate at once the variance, 
 Nap strove to wheedle the Hungarians ; 
 He told them that it plain appear'd, 
 How Providence had interfer'd, 
 And had these victories decreed, 
 With wisdom infinite indeed ; 
 
NAPOISON. H)a 
 
 To punish the false Emp'ror Francis, 
 Who dare to make such bold advances 
 'Gainst one, who all the world must own, 
 Had thrice conferr'd on him his crown; 
 Thus Emp'ror Francis he abus'd, 
 And of ingratitude accus'd. 
 The Hungarians to win over wily, 
 He of their ancestors spoke highly, 
 And independence recommended, 
 A proof of what he now intended ; 
 He thought it was the wisest thing, 
 They for themselves shou'd choose a king 
 And promis'd, if a choice they made, 
 To grant them necessary aid ; 
 For modestly he set it down, 
 That they wou'd offer him the crown ; 
 But Nap, it seems, was quite mistaken, 
 Their loyalty cou'd not be shaken ; 
 His sophistry had no effect, 
 Not even his promise to protect ; 
 And Nap, no wonder, took offence, 
 At their fidelity and sense. 
 When Charles his forces had collected, 
 His steps to Aspern he directed. 
 But Nap resolVd with expedition, 
 Th' Archduke to face in his position; 
 The Austrians now, undismay'd, 
 Enthusiastic joy display'd. 
 o 2 
 
196 DR. syntax's 
 
 With Turkish music, and war songs, 
 
 Prepar'd they to avenge their wrongs — 
 
 " Long live the Emp'ror, and Archduke," 
 
 Were shouts with which the valleys shook. 
 
 At Aspern, lo ! the Austrians met 
 
 Nap's army, who were quickly beat ; 
 
 Quick from the village they were driv'n, 
 
 And little time to breathe was giv'n ; 
 
 Nap such an insult cou'd not brook, 
 
 And so the village he re-took; 
 
 His foe resolving to contend, 
 
 Soon drove him to the lower end; 
 
 Both parties, it is very plain, 
 
 Resolv'd this station to retain ; 
 
 Both parties being also in it, 
 
 It was indeed a serious minute : 
 
 They fought where'er they chanc'd to meet, 
 
 If house, or barn, or lane, or street ; 
 
 And one place was no sooner won, 
 
 Than, lo ! another place was gone — 
 
 Alternate triumphs! — every station 
 
 It seems was of a short duration, 
 
 And with this pleasant mode of fight, 
 
 They entertain'd themselves all night, 
 
 While with their shells, thrown various ways, 
 
 Were sev'ral houses in a blaze ; 
 
 But this afforded them good light, 
 
 Altho' a melancholy sight. 
 
NAPOLEON. 19< 
 
 Nap's glory being at a stake, 
 
 Oblig'd him a bold stroke to make ; 
 
 But then so desperate was the strife, 
 
 'Twas very well he sav'd his life. 
 
 The Austrians now won the field, 
 
 And Aspern Nap was forc'd to yield; 
 
 In Esslingen he kept his ground, 
 
 Tho' terribly annoy'd all round ; 
 
 Soon Aspern he retook — what then ? 
 
 He lost it very soon again. 
 
 From Esslingen, moreover, he 
 
 Was suddenly obliged to flee — 
 However, candour must allow, 
 Although no victor he was now, 
 That he had fought a great deal more, 
 Than ever he had fought before, 
 For thro' his ranks he often rode, 
 And to his troops himself he shew'd, 
 In order to remove their fear, 
 And by his presence give them cheer ; 
 To raise their spirits oft he tried, 
 He sung — he laugh'd — he swore — he lied ! 
 Nap was undoubtedly defeated, 
 But by good management retreated. 
 Again resolv'd to meet the foe, 
 Nap meditated many a blow ; 
 o 3 
 
198 DR. syntax's 
 
 [t seems he wanted satisfaction, 
 So Wagram was the scene of action. 
 By some, however, 'tis believ'd, 
 The Ernp'ror Francis was deceiv'd, 
 That Boney had, in his caprice, 
 Made secret overtures for peace, 
 And a connubial match propos'd, 
 With which the Cabinet had clos'd ; 
 They having been assured, that by it 
 They should be peaceable and quiet, 
 And that great Bonaparte might seem, 
 A victor worthy of esteem. 
 Unknown to Francis they acceded, 
 To such a battle as he needed ; 
 So that the battle of Wagram, 
 They say, was nothing but a sham— 
 In other words — tho' low but certain 
 " 'Twas all my eye and Betty MartLr. ' 
 But if a sham, as it is said, 
 The farce was admirably play'd, 
 For twenty thousand men each lost, 
 So that they acted to their cost ; 
 But be't a real one, or a mock, 
 They fought both days till six o'clock; 
 Nap to the vict'ry laid claim, 
 And saved the credit of his name. 
 Hostilities began to cease, 
 It seems both parties thought of peace. 
 
NAPOLEON. 199 
 
 The treaty was soon after sign'd, 
 Much to our conq'ring hero's mind. 
 Who took good care by his conditions, 
 To have some precious acquisitions, 
 And forc'd the Emp'ror, late his foe, 
 As King of Spain t' acknowledge Joe; 
 When to these terms they had agreed, 
 To Paris Nap return'd with speed. 
 
20O »R, SYNTAX'S 
 
 CANTO XIII. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Our hero as a saint is rated, 
 Altho' he's excommunicated. 
 Unkind he to his wife appears, 
 Because she is advauc'd in years. 
 His apprehension and despair 
 Of getting any son and heir ; 
 Without contrition, or disguise, 
 To be divorc'd our hero tries ; 
 The separation deed, we find, 
 By Josephine is freely sign'd. 
 A lover suddenly Nap turns, 
 And for the gay Louisa burns. 
 It is determin'd by the fair, 
 Her chains for ever he shall wear. 
 He is approv'd by her relations — 
 His am'rous fever and impatience — 
 The marriage, and congratulations — 
 Nap meddles still with other nations. 
 He, as the Muse correctly states, 
 Holland with France incorporates. 
 His brother Lewis, in dismay, 
 Resigns his crown, and runs away. 
 State prisons he in France decrees, 
 The reasons which he gives for these. 
 
NAPOLEON. 201 
 
 Our hero, with excessive joy, 
 Becomes the father of a boy. 
 The greatest of all nations come 
 To see the little King of Rome. 
 Nap notifies to all his birth — 
 The grandest cradle upon earth. 
 An anecdote of Captain Wright, 
 Which verifies Napoleon's spite. 
 
 WHEN 'fore the Senate Nap appear'd, 
 
 How was he flatter'd and rever'd ; 
 
 He told them a long pompous story, 
 
 Of his achievements, and his glory ; 
 
 His story was of course heliev'd, 
 
 So thanks and praises he receiv'd, 
 
 But 'fore this fulsome adulation, 
 
 There came to him a deputation 
 
 Of persons of the highest ranks, 
 
 From Italy, to give him thanks 
 
 For, having crush'd the Pope's authority, 
 
 And shewing his superiority ; 
 
 Quite charm'd, indeed, with their address, 
 
 Our hero's answer, we confess, 
 
202 DR. syntax's 
 
 Was so sublime— so very good — 
 That it was scarcely understood ; 
 He hinted, that by what he'd done, 
 He was the church's eldest son. 
 And yet the Pope thought fit to shew, 
 He reckon'd him the church's foe. 
 For now ('twas out of spite, mayhap) 
 He excommunicated Nap. 
 
 Nap oftentimes began to swear, 
 That he must get a son and heir — 
 He with affected sorrow told, 
 His present lady was too old, 
 He might as well have her grandmother, 
 And therefore he must seek another; 
 Yes, seek another — so, of course, 
 He intimated a divorce — 
 That, with propriety, like Harry 
 The Eighth, another he might marry 
 This was enforc'd by his mamma, 
 And recommended by Murat. 
 Yet at this very time, good lack ! 
 He had a violent attack, 
 A kind of stupor he was in, 
 Attended by his Josephine ; 
 And, as a certain author says, 
 It lasted very near two days ; 
 On his recovery, he cried, 
 " A son and heir I must provide ;" 
 
NAPOLEON. 203 
 
 Then, giving Josephine a look, 
 
 His head repeatedly he shook, 
 
 He said — (he cou'd refrain no longer) 
 
 " I wish, my dear, that you were younger, 
 
 But you are old, and I despair, 
 
 Of ever getting now an heir.'' 
 
 While this he said, with doleful phiz, 
 
 She told him that the fault was his ;, 
 
 For several children she'd before, 
 
 And hoped to have as many more. 
 
 Now Josephine display'd her spirit, 
 
 Of patriotism she made a merit : 
 
 " If,'' she observ'd, " our separation, 
 
 Will be of service to the nation, 
 
 Then I agree, with all my heart, 
 
 My dearest Emperor — to part — 
 
 That you may seek another fair, 
 
 And, if you can, provide an heir." 
 
 When kindly her consent she gave, 
 
 Nap scarcely knew how to behave; 
 
 At Josephine awhile he star'd, 
 
 He humm'd a bit, and then declar'd, 
 
 For fifteen years to him she'd been, 
 
 All that was lovely and serene, 
 
 And that no better for himself e'er 
 
 Wou'd wish, but for his country's welfare — 
 
 Of course, for a successor's sake, 
 
 The sacrifice he needs must make. 
 
204 dr. syntax's 
 
 He found no fault, as it appears, 
 But that she was advanc'd in years ; 
 To follies past he ne'er alluded, 
 For no such sentiment intruded; 
 'Twas not for this he wish'd to sever, 
 Her virtue he suspected never; 
 For when a man don't feel his horns, 
 That man the name of cuckold scorns ; 
 On this occasion, Nap, 'tis said, 
 A fine speech to the Senate made, 
 Assuring them it was with pain, 
 He a divorce strove to obtain ; 
 For still he Josephine regarded, 
 Tho' as a consort now discarded ; 
 But, notwithstanding, she should reign, 
 And be considered as a queen. 
 Josephine, with an air divine, 
 Declar'd the throne she would resign, 
 And hop'd her Boney might, ere long, 
 Meet with a lady fair and young, 
 And in nine months procure a boy, 
 To be his comfort and his joy. 
 'Twas on the J 5 th of December, 
 As the Parisians well remember, 
 The parties in full court appear'd, 
 And by a large assembly cheer'd ; 
 A kind of form took place, of course, 
 Which fully strengthened the divorce — 
 
NAPOLEON. 205 
 
 The Senate sent a deputation 
 
 To ratify the separation, 
 
 Which, that it might be ne'er repeal'd, 
 
 Was in their presence sign'd and seal'd. 
 
 Nap was a long time e'er he sign'd — ■ 
 
 A proof of a perturbed mind ; 
 
 But some have thought, and so they might, 
 
 'Twas inability to write. 
 
 Soon as the pen the lady took, 
 
 Her hand for several minutes shook, 
 
 A proof of sorrow and regret, 
 
 Tho' she did not appear to fret. 
 
 And 'twas the opinion of the sage, 
 
 That it proceeded from old age. 
 
 When thus divorc'd — a parting kiss 
 
 Was confirmation of their bliss. 
 
 No sooner was this broad farce over, 
 
 Than Nap appear'd a gallant lover; 
 
 He sent to Austria to demand, 
 
 The beautiful Louisa's hand — ■ 
 
 He wish'd to be, as people saw, 
 
 The Austrian Emp'ror's son-in-law, 
 
 And truly such a good connection, 
 
 Was full excuse for his affection. 
 
 He to the Legislature went, 
 
 And notified his great intent, 
 
 Declaring that Louisa's charms, 
 
 Shou'd in a few days fill his arms, 
 
206 br. syntax's 
 
 And doubting not, with such a fair, 
 He'd in a twelvemonth have an heir, 
 For she was in her teens, and handsome, 
 Her dowry, too, would be a grand sum, 
 And he was young, he said, in short, he 
 Insisted he was only forty ; 
 He knew, and begg'd it to be noted, 
 His fair Louisa on him doated; 
 Accordingly, a contract had 
 Been enter'd into with her dad ; 
 He by the father was approv'd, 
 Since by the daughter so belov'd. 
 By all the Senate 'twas agreed, 
 The match a good one was indeed ; 
 And, in due time, the world wou'd see, 
 How great the fruits thereof wou'd be. 
 In Austria, we must confess, 
 Th' ambassador had great success ; 
 He took great pains, indeed, to prove 
 That Nap was head and ears in love. 
 To all the world this sudden change, 
 Appear'd extraordinary and strange ; 
 The Austrians knew, and many more, 
 He never was in love before, 
 But had a wife was rather old, 
 His constitution being cold. 
 It seems the news Louisa cheer'd, 
 For quite delighted she appear'd— 
 
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NAPOLEON 207 
 
 *' Is Bonaparte a real lover ? 
 
 Thanks to my beauty — that's the mover 
 
 Of his affections — greater far 
 
 My triumph, than all his in war; 
 
 For Nap, th' invincible and brave, 
 
 The conq'ring Boney is my slave; 
 
 Louisa's captive he remains, 
 
 And he for life shall wear my chains.'' 
 
 When this she said, the lovely fair, 
 
 With her blue eyes., and flaxen hair, 
 
 Appear'd so charming to the sight, 
 
 She struck the gazers with delight. 
 
 Her relatives express'd, moreover, 
 
 Their approbation of this lover; 
 
 They thought 'twould for themselves be better, 
 
 That Bonaparte for wife shou'd get her, 
 
 As the connection might prevent 
 
 All future strife and discontent. 
 
 The due arrangements being made, 
 
 Great was the pomp that was display'd. 
 
 As customary in this case, 
 
 A ceremony now took place. 
 
 The Archduke Charles, to please the bride, 
 
 As proxy, Boney's stead supply'd ; 
 
 And she as Empress was saluted, 
 
 A title which was not disputed. 
 
 Louisa off for Paris set, 
 
 And bv her anxious swain was met. 
 
20S DR. syntax's 
 
 To see the lady what a throng ! 
 
 The road with flow'rs they strew'd along. 
 
 No sooner Nap beheld her charms 
 
 Than round the maid he threw his arms, 
 
 And gave her a true lover's kiss 
 
 As prelude to his greater bliss. 
 
 He swore that night they should be bedded 
 
 She begg'd they'd first of all be wedded, 
 
 But his impatience was so great 
 
 He coudn't for ceremony wait: 
 
 To such a height arose desire 
 
 He absolutely was on fire. 
 
 Howe'er, her scruples to remove, 
 
 And satisfy his ardent love, 
 
 A priest attended, and at night 
 
 It seems that every thing was right: 
 
 For none can say there's any crime in 
 
 Love that is authorized by Hymen. 
 
 How the new Empress was rever'd 
 
 When first at Paris she appear'd ; 
 
 Oh what rejoicings and what fetes! 
 
 What hurly-burly in the streets ! 
 
 The marriage, as it was advised, 
 
 Now publicly was solemnized ; 
 
 The first of April, as they say, 
 
 Was chosen for the happy day, 
 
 When children in and out of school 
 
 Are trying to make each a fool. 
 
NAPOLEON. 20* 
 
 This festival, we must confess 
 Was very grand — Louisa's dress 
 All over diamonds, and her train. 
 Four queens attended to sustain ; 
 No doubt it shou'd be written queans, 
 For that is what the title means. 
 The public ceremony over, 
 Nap in the husband show'd the lover. 
 He pressed her hand with great delight, 
 And kissed her lovingly at night. 
 'Tis plain the Empress had as yet 
 No reason to demur or fret : 
 She, deeming him a faithful spouse, 
 Repented not her marriage vows. 
 The Senate, after three days spent, 
 Their due congratulations sent. 
 Nap's answer was both short and sweet, 
 " My happiness is now complete." 
 The Empress making no reply, 
 Of course she was accounted shy. 
 Tho' her biographers may say 
 She was exceeding free and gay. 
 The happy couple spent their days 
 At balls, assemblies, routs, and plays, 
 And, living you may say in clover, 
 The honey moon passed quickly over. 
 
 Brave Nap, it seems, cou'd not refrain 
 From adding to his hoarded gaia— 
 
210 »K. SYNTAX'S 
 
 So fond of making alterations, 
 He meddled still with other nations ; 
 He Holland cou'd not leave alone 
 Tho' he'd a brother on her throne ; 
 With France that country, as we find, 
 T 1 incorporate he soon design'd : 
 So mustering an army then, 
 Containing forty thousand men, 
 He sent each day a small division, 
 Till vain at last was opposition ; 
 For, as it may be justly guess'd, 
 The strongest places they possess'd. 
 Thus with extreme dissimulation 
 He managed this incorporation, 
 For being cruel and ambilious 
 His actions were indeed flagitious. 
 He seiz'd, not thinking it a sin, 
 All English property therein, 
 And by the orders he imposed 
 The ports of Holland too were closed. 
 So great their treachery and art, 
 The soldiers play'd an active part ; 
 For ev'ry thing was quickly gone 
 That they cou'd lay their fingers on. 
 No longer Nap began to sham- 
 He swore that he'd have Amsterdam, 
 And to obtain it he knew how — 
 For he'd an army near it now. 
 
NAPOLEON. 211 
 
 The monarch Louis, it is said, 
 Of his own brother was afraid, 
 And therefore he his crown resign'd 
 To the two sons he left behind — 
 For they his sons were reckon'd there, 
 Tho' heaven knows whose sons they were. 
 But Louis, ere away he ran, 
 T' address the people thus began — 
 " My brother, this we all agree in, 
 Is a most arbitrary being — 
 On me, altho', he's very hard, 
 Perhaps my children he'll regard ; 
 For their dear sakes and yours I say, 
 I think it best to run away. 
 My sons from Nap may find protection, 
 So leaving them shows my affection." 
 Now Louis, by his moderation 
 Made friends, spite of his usurpation, 
 Not being of his brother's mould 
 Tyranic, petulant, and bold. 
 When Nap commanded all were dumb, 
 The press he kept beneath his thumb; 
 And tho' an advocate, we know 
 He was indeed, some years ago, 
 For pulling down the vile Bastile, 
 Which he then censured a good deal: 
 Yet he the custom now reviv'd 
 And men of liberty deprived : 
 p2 
 
%l% un. syntax's 
 
 State prisons he ordain'd indeed?— 
 No less than eight were now decreed. 
 For he insisted there were sbirie 
 Who desperadoes would become 
 If not restrain'd ; and he protested 
 These malcontents should be arrested. 
 Then woe betide the man offended, 
 Some accusations were pretended, 
 And torn from family and friends 
 He in confinement made amends. 
 Redress, alas! he ne'er obtain'd ; 
 A secret his offence remain'd ; 
 For 'twas impolitic, as thought, 
 That such to trial should be brought. 
 So whether innocent or not 
 These prisoners were kept to rot. 
 Oh wretched state! how very bad, 
 No habeus corpus to be had ! 
 
 Spite of the battles now in Spain 
 Nap deem'd it proper to remain 
 In France — the reason tho' is plain — 
 If our brave hero had been there 
 He couldn't have got a son and heir, 
 And now the happj' deed is done, 
 Louisa bless'd him with a son — 
 What joy— what happiness at home ! 
 All kiss'd the little king of Rome, 
 

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NAPOLEON. 213 
 
 For while upon the mother's breast 
 He by this title was address'd; 
 This circumstance, it must be own'd. 
 In some degree for Spain aton'd. 
 For by great Wellington espous'd 
 To independence Spain was rous'd ; 
 By Wellington her sons were led 
 And terror all around they spread ; 
 Defeated in their bold attacks 
 The French inyaders turn'd their backs. 
 This was enough his heart to cut, 
 And in the dumps poor Boney put ; 
 But in his babe he found relief, 
 This was a cure for all his grief, 
 For his delightful dulcet squall 
 Wou'd not allow a tear to fall. 
 What wonderous splendor was devised 
 When the dear infant was baptized; 
 For Emperors, Kings, Queens, and Dukes 
 Assembled with their 6miling looks, 
 Bestowing their congratulations 
 And making curious observations. 
 With curiosity they eyed 
 The King of Rome— the father's pride, 
 And some old gossips cried " Oh la! 
 How he resembles his papa." 
 Nap told the Senate, with great joy, 
 He was the father of a boy— 
 p 3 
 
214 
 
 " And since," said he, " I've got an heir 
 A fig for Spain I do not care; 
 With Austria we're on good terms, 
 My match tranquillity confirms ; 
 With Rome and Holland we're united, 
 Attainments these not to be slighted. 
 When with such pow'rs we are cemented 
 Let's for the present he contented, 
 The birth of the young king of Rome 
 Bespeaks more happiness to come ; 
 Depend upon it, Gallia's sons 
 Will be a match yet for the Dons." 
 
 A cradle for the boy was made, 
 Which wondrous finery display "d; 
 A grander cradle there was never 
 In any nursery whatever. 
 Yet all this finery, they say, 
 Upon the babe was thrown away, 
 The very first night 'twas defil'd, 
 And ever after by the child. 
 What matter ? Every one agrees 
 The cradle was for master's ease. 
 
 The muse repeatedly has stated 
 That Bonaparte the English hated — 
 As proof of his inveterate spite 
 She'll tell a fact of Captain Wright. 
 With some dispatches he was sent 
 To France— a pity that he went— 
 
NAPOLEON. 215 
 
 A pity any sent him there — 
 
 But they or he were not aware 
 
 Of all the sad disasters which accrue : 
 
 At length poor Wright was seiz'd by Pichegiu; 
 
 He to confinement was consign'd, 
 
 His treatment cruel and unkind. 
 
 Thus Bonaparte his prisons filled, 
 
 And oft the prisoners were killed — 
 
 For Wright, as every body says, 
 
 Was tortured — aye, ten thousand ways ; 
 
 A rumour then was set afloat 
 
 That Captain Wright cut his own throat, 
 
 But every one in England knew 
 
 The studied rumour was untrue. 
 
 ?4 
 
216 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 CANTO XIV. 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Our hero hides what's going on 
 
 In Spain by gallant Wellington ; 
 
 He takes at Russia great offence, 
 
 Because the Emperor shows his sense— 
 
 His views — a tour of observation — 
 
 Our hero's fix'd determination — 
 
 He and his wife a visit pay 
 
 To Mentz, upon the 9th of May — 
 
 A hoax — at Dresden Boney spends 
 
 Some days, but quits, in June, his friends. 
 
 A disappointment — Nap's incens'd, 
 
 And Russia now he fights against; 
 
 The Poles he wheedles with his jargon, 
 
 But is no gainer by the bargain. 
 
 Nap's victories, without a joke, 
 
 Turn out to be no more than smoke, 
 
 For with vexation and amaze 
 
 He sees Smolensko in ablaze. 
 
 Our hero speaks just like a prophet, 
 
 But makes a lying story of it. 
 
 He meets at Moscow more vexation — 
 
 Another dreadful conflagration. 
 
NAPOLEON. 217 
 
 Th« French defeated— great dismay— 
 Our valiant hero runs away— 
 A hue and cry for Boney's head, 
 Descriptions of his person spread ; 
 As all biographers alledge 
 Nap gets to Paris on a sledge — 
 There having been a plot most scurvy 
 To turn the nation topsy turvy, 
 Nap, ere his visit, deems expedient 
 To institute the Empress Regent. 
 Hostilities are then repeated- 
 Nap swears the Russians are defeated, 
 
 The Russians tell another story, 
 
 And Nap begins to lose his glory. 
 
 He clings to Dresden with vexation, 
 
 So critical his situation. 
 
 The bridge of Leipsic, in a hurry 
 
 Is blown up 'midst this hurly burly ; 
 
 Nap, to escape the Cossack's fury, 
 
 Jumps from a window I assure ye ; 
 
 By enemies he's sore beset, 
 
 And to the Rhine can hardly get. 
 
 All difficulties being past 
 
 Again in Paris he's at last. 
 
 THC Boney was convinc'd in Spain 
 That numbers of his troops were slain — 
 Tho' for those victories he griev'd, 
 Which gallant Wellington achiev'd, 
 Yet no arrangements Boney made 
 For personally giving aid, 
 
218 UK. syntax's 
 
 But, when that he could spare the men, 
 
 Sent reinforcements now and then ; 
 
 Indeed it was his wish, they say, 
 
 This war at present to delay. 
 
 So he reported, 'twas his way, 
 
 That great advantages he gain'd, 
 
 The strongest places still retain'd, 
 
 And that the foe, whenever met, 
 
 Had often been severely beat. 
 
 Now Badajoz he mention'd not ; 
 
 Ciudad Rodrigo was forgot ; 
 
 Great Wellington was never nam'd, 
 
 And why ? — poor Boney was asham'd. 
 
 His occupation of Madrid, 
 
 And the achievement which he did, 
 
 Most carefully our hero- hid ; 
 
 And staid at home, we find, to annoy 
 
 Great Britain, and to kiss his boy. 
 
 For by the cunning he display'd 
 
 He hop'd to hurt the British trade. 
 
 Indeed this contest seem'd to be 
 
 By Boney's making a decree, 
 
 All ports 'gainst English ships to bar— 
 
 A kind of a financial war. 
 
 The Emperor of Russia, tho', 
 Began his policy to show — 
 His ports were oped, at the request 
 Of merchants who were much distiest. 
 
NAfOLEON. 219 
 
 And, caring not for Nap a pin, 
 
 The English vessels were let in. 
 
 As soon as Boney heard of this 
 
 He took it very much amiss ; 
 
 He swore, and sure enough he meant it, 
 
 That Alexander shou'd repent it ; 
 
 And for a long time, it is said, 
 
 A project occupied his head ; 
 
 Our hero tho', as sly as bold, 
 
 His resolution never told. 
 
 To the Low Countries he repair'd, 
 
 For a great purpose he declar'd — • 
 
 It was a tour of observation, 
 
 As he reported to the nation. 
 
 In this excursion he began 
 
 To form a very wicked plan, 
 
 No less, as circumstances show, 
 
 Than Russia's total overthrow. 
 
 When from his tour return'd,we find, 
 
 Nap's object was to raise the wind — 
 
 He got a pretty sum, and then 
 
 His object was to get more men, 
 
 When he had made his army stronger 
 
 He kept his schemes conceal'd no longer; 
 
 But in the map of nations swore 
 
 That Russia's name should be no more. 
 
 The Polish soldiers he withdrew 
 
 From Spain, with the apparent view 
 
220 »R. «YNTAx's 
 
 Of making Poland his ally, 
 The better Russia to defy. 
 
 Our hero and the Empress gay, 
 Left Paris on the ninth of May. 
 Ere he to Mentz his visit paid, 
 One of his usual tricks he play'dj 
 For he, America to please, 
 Revoked for her his fam'd decrees. 
 This revocation, it is stated, 
 Full twelvemonths Boney antidated. 
 Th' Americans, poor simple folks ! 
 Cou'd not believe it was a hoax, 
 For in their heads, it seems, it ran 
 That Boney was a.— gentleman. 
 The royal pair to Dresden went 
 And there some happy days they spent, 
 But Nap no length of time staid here, 
 In June he quitted Dresden's cheer, 
 And off for Dantzic quickly set, 
 When he a disappointment met. 
 He thought to see, as some declare, 
 The Emperor Alexander there— 
 And hop'd by flattery or threat 
 The Emperor's consent to get 
 To all his plans — so that there might 
 Be no necessity to fight. 
 Perceiving all attempts were vain, 
 This wish'd-for interview t' obtain, 
 
NAPOLEON. 221 
 
 And finding Alexander bold 
 Cou'd not be frighten'd or cajol'd; 
 With Austria he made a bargain, 
 T' assist, whenever he was far gone, 
 To which the Emperor indeed, 
 For his dear daughter's sake agreed — 
 Our hero then a war declared 
 And for hostilities prepared — 
 For he determin'd to be grander 
 And greater too than Alexander ; 
 Yes, he determin'd to reduce 
 And render Russia of no use — 
 Her name forthwith should be erased 
 And never on the map replaced. 
 Five hundred thousand men, 'tis said, 
 Our hero into Russia led. 
 Before from Wilna they retired 
 The bridge the Russian army fir'd, 
 Of course Nap's soldiers were employ'd 
 To make a bridge for that destroy'd : 
 Indeed the Russians had set fire to 
 Whatever Boney might aspire to, 
 And leaving naught to beenjoy'd, 
 Poor Nap was dreadfully annoy'd. 
 In Poland he convok'd a diet 
 In hopes of getting something by it. 
 And in a fine harangue complain'd 
 Of all the wrongs they had sustained 
 
222 DU. SYNTAX'S 
 
 From Russia — who, by usurpation, 
 Had cut to pieces their poor nation, 
 And at the same lime he pretended 
 By France their country was befriended. 
 Before his speech our hero closed, 
 An act, he earnestly proposed, 
 Of general confederation, 
 Which cou'd not fail of approbation, 
 For by such act he was persuaded 
 Dismember'd Poland wou'd be aided ; 
 The fragments Russia had purloin'd 
 Wou'd be immediately rejoin'd, 
 And their dear country, on his word, 
 Be to its pristine fame restored. 
 Tho' Nap now won the Poles so clever, 
 He little got by it however — 
 The Austrian Emperor, it seems, 
 Did not approve of Boney's schemes, 
 He look'd upon them as transgressions 
 To rob him of his last possessions ; 
 So much he took it now in dudgeon. 
 He call'd our hero a curmudgeon, 
 And show'd his spleen by keeping back 
 His promis'd succour, — so good lack, 
 Poor Nap, bamboozled and disdain'd 
 Lost more, perhaps, than he had gain'd. 
 Alas ! he met with more vexation- 
 He saw a grand co-operation : 
 
NAPOLEON. Q2S 
 
 A treaty soon had been agreed on 
 Between Great Britain, Russia, Sweden; 
 And by the means of this alliance 
 These nations hade him a defiance, 
 His grievances, however, Nap hid — 
 For his advances still were rapid, 
 Novogrodeck and Minsk he won, 
 And then for Witepsk he push'd on. 
 Two bloody battles now were fought, 
 The Russians were victorious thought ; 
 However, as their troops retreated, 
 Nap gave it out they were defeated. 
 Great wonders he indeed perform'd, 
 The fort of Dunaburgh he storm'd ; 
 Another battle now took place, 
 And, as 'twas gen'rally the case, 
 Nap was the conqueror he said. 
 Tho' near a fortnight here he stay'd 
 His wearied soldiers to revive, 
 And keep the wretched dogs alive, 
 As soon as the poor devils rested 
 It seems they were again molested. 
 Nap for Smolensko then prepared 
 So greater jeopardies they shar'd ; 
 When he this city had in view 
 He thought awhile what he shou'd do — 
 Alone and muffled he went out 
 To reconnoitre all about— 
 
224 OR. syntax's 
 
 Three bridges to destroy he meant, 
 And reinforcements thus prevent. 
 The Russians' post he chose to quiz, 
 Then said the city shou'd be his. 
 Now from Smolensko, we are told, 
 The women, children, and the old, 
 With agitation, and with dread, 
 To the vicinity had fled. 
 The Russian general tho' show'4 
 Precaution great, for each abode 
 Of all its valuables was clear'd 
 As scon as the French troops, appear'd ; 
 They for disasters were prepared, 
 And for our hero little cared. 
 Agreeable to Nap's desire 
 His troops commenc'd a heavy fire- 
 Great wonders now the Russians wrought, 
 They for the city bravely fought, 
 Until no longer they could do it, 
 And then they set a firebrand to it. 
 How great was Bonaparte's amaze 
 To see Smolensko in a blaze ! 
 He took possession of it strait, 
 But when he saw its ruin'd state 
 He curs'd, he swore, he stamp'd, he rav'd*— 
 And like a bedlamite behav'd. 
 Then with an oath he loud exclaim'd, 
 (For he of oaths was not asham'd), 
 
NAPOLEON. 225 
 
 '* I never knew so much ferocity, 
 Barbarity and animosity — 
 Whoever saw such hears as those, 
 To their own country they are foes." 
 .And yet our hero made a boast, 
 These ruins were a charming post ; 
 And in dispatches, too, he said — 
 « Excellent hospitals they made." 
 Our hero having cross'd some streams, 
 And being much annoy'd, it seems, 
 Reach'd Moscow, with the certain hope 
 The Russians cou'd no longer cope 
 With their assailants, and he then 
 With promises spurr'd on his men. 
 Great preparations, it is said, 
 For battle were on both sides made. 
 Nap's spirit cou'd not take repose, 
 And so at two o'clock he rose, 
 To seize upon a good position, 
 And see all things in right condition; 
 He by his marshals was surrounded, 
 And observations wise abounded. 
 Great Nap the rising sun commended, 
 And thus to prophecy pretended — 
 " It rain'd quite hard, you know, last night. 
 Yet, see — the sun has risen bright- 
 Yes — it is clear— it is serene, 
 For not a cloud is to be seen — 
 9 
 
226 DR. syntax's 
 
 It is the sun of Austerlitz, 
 Which now a happy ray emits : 
 Sure omen of success, indeed ! 
 Aye, that it is— we must succeed ; 
 It is as cold — tho' hut Septemher, 
 As in Moravia is December." 
 
 But soon the cloudless sun was gone. 
 And a thick fog arose thereon— 
 Nap prais'd tbe fog — indeed he did, 
 Because his movements would be hid — 
 And to the army, in array, 
 This was the order of the day— 
 " Brave soldiers ! fight for endless glory, 
 The wish'd-for field now lies before you, 
 You'll with abundance be supplied, 
 Good winter-quarters, too, beside — 
 A quick return home — that is more ; 
 Then fight, my lads, as heretofore ; 
 Posterity will say — There's one 
 Who was at Moscow when 'twas won." 
 The French and Russians now engaged, 
 And furiously the battle raged ; 
 In great confusion, and dismay, 
 Poor Boney's scatter'd troops gave way ; 
 Our hero his assaults repeated, 
 And still the wounded French retreated. 
 " This battle," Nap exclaim'd, " has been, 
 The greatest that was ever seen." 
 
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 And true enough our hero said, 
 For eighty thousand men lay dead : 
 Behold, alas ! its termination, 
 Another dreadful conflagration — 
 " Oh, heavens!" cried Boney, " what a pity/' 
 When he in flames beheld the city — 
 The Governor, to vex the tyrant, 
 Had kindled a tremendous fire iu't. 
 Soon Bonaparte to Moscow mov'd, 
 A barren conquest, tho', it prov'd. 
 Poor Boney, full of discontent, 
 A message, by a Russian, sent 
 To Emperor Alexander, couch'd 
 In terms most kind — in which he vouch'd 
 He never wou'd have reach'd that spot, 
 Had Alexander urg'd him not; 
 And if the Emperor thought fit, 
 Immediately he'd Moscow quit ; 
 With blandishments he also strove, 
 To win his favour and his love, 
 And swore by all that's great and true, 
 His wish was friendship to renew ; 
 Assuring him that every want 
 He'd with the greatest pleasure grant — 
 Nay more — that if he wanted peace, 
 Hostilities shou'd quickly cease. 
 Th' illustrious Alexander, tho', 
 Knew well the temper of his foe, 
 92 
 
228 BR. syntax's 
 
 And to his message gave no heed, 
 Which mortified poor Nap indeed. 
 The Kremlin now he made his aim, 
 The Kremlin, soon a blaze became ! 
 The flames encreas'd ! it was too bad, 
 Our hero was stark staring mad, 
 And every Russian on the spot, 
 He ordered to be quickly shot. 
 By conflagrations always harass'd, 
 No man was ever so embarrass' d ; 
 He sought in vain a lurking place, 
 Destruction star'd him in the face ; 
 Hemm'd in — he sought for peace in vain- 
 No peace cou'd Bonaparte obtain; 
 He swore, when peace he cou'd not get, 
 The Russians were a barb'rous set. 
 Intending now to change his rout, 
 He sent Murat on the look-out; 
 Murat, tho' met with a defeat. 
 Which play'd the deuce with Nap's retreat. 
 How great was Bonaparte's despair! 
 He raved — he swore — he tore his hair — 
 His troops were absolutely frozen, 
 No man was sure he had his nose on. 
 The Cossacks, too, made rude attacks, 
 And laid some hundreds on their backs ; 
 So, in the midst of an affray. 
 Nap thought it best to run away ; 
 
NAPOLEON. 229 
 
 He chang'd his dress — his horse bestrode, 
 
 And in full speed to Wilna rode ; 
 
 As soon as he began to fly, 
 
 The Russians rais'd a hue and cry ; 
 
 A great reward, as it is said, 
 
 Was offer' d for our hero's head, 
 
 That some to take him might be bribed, 
 
 Thus Boney's person was described — 
 
 His figure rather short and thin — 
 
 Black hair — black beard — projecting chin — 
 
 Nose acquiline, with marks of snuff, 
 
 Arch'd eyebrows — manners very rough — 
 
 Stern countenance — dress'd rather mean, 
 
 And in a grey surtout oft seen. 
 
 But, notwithstanding his dismay, 
 
 Poor Bonaparte got safe away. 
 
 When he to Wilna's borders came, 
 
 He very wisely chang'd his name ; 
 
 And in a sledge— 'twas so contriv'd, 
 
 At Paris in the night arriv'd. 
 
 While Nap was absent, we must own, 
 He very nearly lost his thmne ; 
 It seems a rumour had been spread, 
 That Emp'ror Bonaparte was dead ; 
 The Paris guards, too, as they say, 
 Were absolutely led astray. 
 The etat-major prov'd too strong, 
 For those who had devis'd this wrong, 
 S3 
 
230 . DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 The criminals were sent to quod, 
 And back again the soldiers trod. 
 Nap still the Senate, as he us'd, 
 With lies and promises amus'd ; 
 As wond'rous conquests were expected, 
 A numerous army was collected; 
 But them compos'd, to tell the truth, 
 Of France's inexperienc'd youth- 
 Mere lads, undisciplin'd and raw, 
 The poorest set you ever saw. 
 In eighteen hundred and thirteen, 
 Our hero now renewed the scene; 
 He deem'd it previously, expedient 
 To institute his Empress regent, 
 In order, such was Boney's notion, 
 To obviate any base commotion ; 
 And the succession he fix'd on 
 The little King of Rome, his son. 
 The month of May our hero chose, 
 T' encounter his audacious foes. 
 Hostilities were then renewed, 
 Brave Bonaparte th' Allies pursued. 
 At Lutzen he the victory claim'd, 
 And for another soon he aim'd ; 
 He now at Batzen, as he thought, 
 His victories were dearly bought; 
 So many lives these battles cost, 
 He had no mighty cause to boast. 
 
NAPOLEON. 231 
 
 Nap wanted to take breath, indeed, 
 And to an armistice agreed. 
 For several weeks all parties rested, 
 The Austrian Emp'ror peace suggested. 
 His terms, however, as expected, 
 By Nap were instantly rejected. 
 This rudeness Austria so incens'd, 
 Hostilities again commenc'd ; 
 They knew not Boney's disposition, 
 He cou'd not — such was his ambition — 
 Be e'er at peace with Europe, save 
 All Europe chose to be his slave. 
 In August he for war prepaid, 
 Prague shou'd be his, brave Nap declar'd; 
 But he was told, as he proceeded, 
 His presence at Goldberg was needed. 
 He left Bohemia with great speed, 
 And drove away the foe indeed. 
 No sooner had the foe retir'd, 
 Than Boney was elsewhere requir'd ; 
 And to defeat th' opponent's plan, 
 Our hero off for Dresden ran. 
 Both parties fought for its defence, 
 The loss on each side was immense; 
 Nap swore the vict'ry he obtain'd, 
 Because in Dresden he remain'd. 
 The gallant Blucher sorely vex'd him, 
 For he at the Katzbach perplex'd him. 
 6 4 
 
232 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Resolving Janar he'd deliver, 
 He drove the French into the river- 
 It was pitch dark — no bridge was found — • 
 And half of Boney's troops were drown'd ; 
 Moreover, the Crown Prince of Sweden, 
 A victory obtain'd, indeed, in 
 Grosherin — then, so well he strove, 
 The French he from the village drove. 
 How great was Bonaparte's vexation, 
 How critical his situation ; 
 T' oppose this prince Nap was selected, 
 From whom great triumphs were expected ; 
 But when at Juterboch met they, 
 The Crown Prince was a match for Ney ; 
 Such pretty tricks th' opponents play'd, 
 A madman they of Boney made ; 
 And so judicious each advance, 
 He cou'd not correspond with France. 
 Al Dresden still our hero staid, 
 Because to budge he was afraid, 
 And when he did, it was to meet, 
 At Leipsic, a severe defeat ; 
 The bridge here, as the story goes, 
 Nap wish'd to blow up with his foes; 
 This to a col'riel he imparted, 
 Who was, perhaps, too tender-hearted, 
 For to a captain, (so we've heard) 
 The colonel the task transferred, 
 
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NAPOLEON. 233 
 
 And he a corporal employ'd, 
 
 By whom the bridge should be destroy'd ; 
 
 But scarce had Nap the bridge pass'd thro', 
 
 When, belter skelter, up it flew ! 
 
 It seems the truth cannot be traced ; 
 
 Either the corp'ral was in haste, 
 
 Or, as by some means, 'tis suspected, 
 
 'Twas just as Boney had directed; 
 
 For the explosion soon confounded 
 
 His waggon loads of sick and wounded, 
 
 And by these means, as oft he did, 
 
 He got of them immediate rid. 
 
 Nap was unwilling to confess 
 
 His loss— and therefore claim'd success. 
 
 " The coward troops were," as said Boney, 
 
 " Those of Westphalia and Saxony — 
 
 Had they with me like men remain'd, 
 
 A victory I shou'd hare gain'd." 
 
 'Tis needless for the muse to mention, 
 
 That a retreat was Nap's intention ; 
 
 The bridge of Leipsic had been spoil'd, 
 
 Lest this intention might be foil'd — 
 
 Yes — a retreat was Nap's design, 
 
 So he made haste to reach the Rhine. 
 
 However, Blucher soon found out 
 
 Poor Bonaparte's intended route ; 
 
 He by the Cossacks was pursued, 
 
 But luckily a dwelling view'd — 
 
234 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 And while his legion bravely fought, 
 
 Protection in this house he sought ; 
 
 The guards, who had the place surrounded, 
 
 Were cut to pieces, kill'd and wounded ; 
 
 Nap prick'd his ears up at the rout, 
 
 He op'd the window and jump'd out— 
 
 Jump'd out ! how great, then, was his dread, 
 
 Fell he upon his feet — or head? 
 
 No — not his feet — because he sat— 
 
 He could not fall like a Tom-cat — 
 
 Nor- wou'd he break his pretty nose, 
 
 And so — another part he chose — 
 
 'Tis true — his bum was very sore, 
 
 His breeches here and there he tore ; 
 
 But such a trifle little matters, 
 
 A man can run altho' in tatters — 
 
 So oft was Boney sore afraid, 
 
 That he a pris'ner might be made; 
 
 But as the man would fain his cracks hide, 
 
 He tuck'd his skirts about his backside. 
 
 How very great our hero's speed, 
 
 And there was cause for it, indeed, 
 
 For with a force came General Wrede, 
 
 Who at Hanau the French beset, 
 
 And Gallia's sons completely beat, 
 
 Tho' three to one, as writers tell, 
 
 Above ten thousand of them fell ; 
 
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NAPOLEON. 235 
 
 But, spite of this tremendous scrape, 
 
 Brave Nap effected his escape ; 
 
 The Rhine he reach'd, tho' with some pain, 
 
 And was in Paris safe again ; 
 
 However, Russia's name great Nap 
 
 Had not eras'd yet from the map. 
 
236 dr. syntax's 
 
 CANTO XV. 
 
 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 Nap merriment affects in vain, 
 
 His gloominess returns again— 
 
 A tall red man a visit pays, 
 
 And leaves poor Boney in amaze. 
 
 This red man having threaten'd evil, 
 
 Is thought by some to be the devil. 
 
 Nap's obstinacy and disgrace, 
 
 A general bankruptcy takes place. 
 
 Invasion daily is expected — 
 
 The Empress by King Joe's protected- 
 
 Nap's arrogance and affectation — 
 
 King Joseph's elegant oration. 
 
 Nap's meditations — he's confounded, 
 
 And by th' Allies almost surrounded. 
 
 Some colours luckily he takes, 
 
 Of which a boast the Empress makes. 
 
 The King of Rome's alarming dream, 
 
 Which makes his dad a coward seem. 
 
 Nap's subtlety, and bold designs — 
 
 A war with Blucher he declines. 
 
 By taking a wrong step, 'tis plain, 
 
 Great Bonaparte's almost insane. 
 
NAPOLEON. 2S7 
 
 Th' Allies reach Paris — it's invasion- 
 Nap is deceiv'd on this occasion. 
 The Bourbon family is restor'd, 
 The tidings general joy afford. 
 Quite in the dumps — opprest with woe, 
 Poor Nap remains in Fontainbleau. 
 The kindness of a Mameluke, 
 To save his master from rebuke ; 
 However, Nap declines the offer, 
 The Mameluke was pleas'd to proffer. 
 The troops, as usual, he reviews — 
 The Gen'rals reveal the news. 
 Poor Boney's secret consternation, 
 He signs at once his abdication. 
 He means to study all his life, 
 But is forsaken by his wife ; 
 And, 'midst his choler and chagrin, 
 A letter sends to Josephine. 
 The cholic is produc'd by grief, 
 But he has medical relief. 
 His parting speech — his great dismay— 
 And jeopardy upon the way. 
 His entry he in Elba makes, 
 And round the isle a gallop takes. 
 Of friends and relatives bereft, 
 Poor Nap is to his conscience left. 
 
258 DR. syntax's 
 
 POOR Bonaparte now, every day, 
 Endeavoured to be wond'rous gay 5 
 To concerts, plays, and balls, he went, 
 To hide, it seems, his discontent. 
 Folks thought hostilities wou'd cease, 
 For gaiety's a sign of peace. 
 But soon, alas ! return'd his gloom, 
 And now our hero kept his room. 
 One day he wish'd to be alone, 
 And said he was at home to none, 
 When suddenly there came a knock, 
 Which dealt around a dreadful shock— 
 His counsellor of State, 'tis said, 
 Saw a tall man dressed all in red ! 
 " Your business, Sir ?" — " A secret that — 
 I must see Bonaparte— that's flat."— 
 " He's not at home," was the reply, 
 The red man answer'd— " that's a lie !" 
 The counsellor to Boney ran, 
 Apprising Nap of this red man — 
 
NAPOLEON. 239 
 
 How very great the Emp'ror's dread — 
 
 " Art sure ? and was he dress'd in red?" 
 
 Affecting then a kind of grin — 
 
 " No matter — shew the red man in." 
 
 The red man, tho', as people say, 
 
 Ne'er waited to he shewn the way, ' 
 
 For in he bolted — and, what's more, 
 
 Immediately he clos'd the door — 
 
 The Counsellor of State, so shock'd, 
 
 His ear, then, at the key-hole cock'd ; 
 
 And tho' the red tall man he fear'd, 
 
 This conversation he o'erheard — 
 
 " Well, Emp'ror Boney — pray, how do you ? 
 
 This is my third appearance to you, 
 
 At Egypt once — next at Wagram — 
 
 You must remember who I am." 
 
 " Yes, I remember — but what is it 
 
 Has now induced this sudden visit ?" 
 
 "What is it ! Nap, how can you ask ? 
 
 Have you accomplish'd, pray, your task ? 
 
 Eour years I for that purpose granted, 
 
 It was the very time you wanted ; 
 
 And then I said — and say it now— 
 
 No longer time wou'd I allow ; 
 
 'Twas quite sufficient, as you said, 
 
 And solemnly a vow you made, 
 
 That either Europe you'd subdue, 
 
 Or peace shou'd in that time ensue ; 
 
240 dr. syntax's 
 
 I told you, if 1 tricks foresaw, 
 
 That my protection I'd withdraw, 
 
 And therefore am I come again 
 
 To tell you, but three months remain ; 
 
 If Europe, then, you have not got, 
 
 Or peace confirm'd — you'll go to pot* 
 
 Our hero seem'd quite panic-struck, 
 
 " Alas!" said he, " I've had no luck— 
 
 I can't in three months undertake 
 
 An honourable peace to make — 
 
 A larger period, therefore, fix, 
 
 Let the three months, I pray, be six." 
 
 " It cannot be — I'll grant no more — " 
 
 Nap follow'd him unto the door — 
 
 " Five months, I'm sure, you may allow—" 
 
 " I won't — mark well your sacred vow, 
 
 One or the other you must do — 
 
 Or else, depend on it, you'll rue." 
 
 " Then grant four months"—" It cannot be- 
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 Conquer, or be at peace in three — 
 
 Such was the task you undertook— 
 
 Then, giving a contemptuous look, 
 
 Three months — no longer — so good bye — " 
 
 He said— nor waited a reply. 
 
 With indignation Boney burn'd, 
 
 While to his Cab'net he return'd— 
 
 And there, as many people say, 
 
 He sullenly reraain'd all day. 
 
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NAPOLEON. 841 
 
 Intelligence of this soon spread, 
 
 Which fill'd the inhabitants with dread — 
 
 All wonder'd — and no wonder truly. 
 
 Who was this person, so unruly — 
 
 This man in red — this guest mysterious, 
 
 So peremptory — so imperious — 
 
 Some thought, and with the thought were cheer'd, 
 
 It was Nap's genius that appear'd, 
 
 Fondly expecting, in that case, 
 
 An amnesty wou'd soon take place ; 
 
 The common people, tho' began 
 
 To be afraid of this red man ; 
 
 For 'twas the general surmise, 
 
 He was old Nick in a disguise. 
 
 Our hero! lack-a-day! was vexl, 
 
 Exasperated and perplext; 
 
 Th' allies he deprecated, since able, 
 
 To beat one hitherto invincible. 
 
 He was requested by the wise, 
 
 To come to terms with the allies, 
 
 But they solicited in vain, 
 
 Nap swore that he would fight again — 
 
 " Curse the allies," he cried, " indeed, 
 
 I'll never to their terms accede, 
 
 And this good reason I assign, 
 
 They won't, you know, accede to mine." 
 
 To fight was still Napoleon's plan, 
 
 Spite of advice, or the Red Man. 
 
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242 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Behold, now, many a mournful face, 
 
 A general bankruptcy took place ; 
 
 While France was threaten'd with invasion, 
 
 And fear prevail'd on the occasion ; 
 
 The Empress Regent, as advis'd, 
 
 With smiles her mental grief disguis'd, 
 
 And in the garden, on the terrace, 
 
 Took out her royal cherub ; whereas 
 
 To be both guarded and defended, 
 
 King Joseph gen'rously attended ; 
 
 It seems that Nap had order'd Joe J 
 
 To make a stand against the foe. 
 
 And at th' invaders threat'nings mortified. 
 
 Commanded Paris to be fortified ; 
 
 Then off he went the foe t' attack, 
 
 And drive th' united armies back; 
 
 To St. Dazier he led his men, 
 
 And was a game-cock at Brienne ; 
 
 Altho' not fighting now for lucre, 
 
 He drove away the gallant Blucher ; 
 
 And much this triumph he enjoy'd, 
 
 Thinking th' allies were all destroy'd ; 
 
 His arrogance he soon display'd, 
 
 For at this very time he said, 
 
 " I'm from Vienna not so far as 
 
 These gentlemen are now from Paris." 
 
 He said, as threats might be of use, 
 
 Munich to ashes he'd reduce 
 
NAPOLEON. 243 
 
 In less than three months, and again he 
 Swore, on the ruins of Vienna 
 His eagles should forthwith be planted, 
 And all these deeds were ta'en for granted. 
 Joe with Nap's tidings was so cheer'd, 
 That like a hero he appear'd; 
 Harangues he to the people made, 
 And begg'd them not to be afraid ; 
 Away with fear, for here am I, 
 The pow'rs of Europe we'll defy — 
 Be apprehensive of no evil, 
 My brother Nap will play the devil, 
 The enemy won't dare t' advance, 
 Fear not th' invasion, then, of France — 
 Invasion ! 'tis all idle stuff, 
 King Joseph's here — and that's enough, 
 And should I witness such a farce, 
 I'll bid the rascals kiss my — Ai£." 
 Brave Nap, indeed, no danger dreaded, 
 For he some of the charges headed ; 
 And very fortunate his lot, 
 For under him his horse was shot ; 
 How critical his situation, 
 And nearly gone his reputation ; 
 He fed himself with the persuasion 
 That the mere single word — " invasion'* 
 Would cause the French to rise en masse, 
 And a bold struggle come to pass ; 
 r 2 
 
244 DK. syntax's 
 
 But France was poor, tho' rich before, 
 
 For war depriv'd her of her store ; 
 
 Scarce able she to fight again, 
 
 War left a scarcity of men — 
 
 Then, was not Nap's forlorn condition, 
 A punishment for his ambition ? 
 
 He'd say, when he'd begin to ponder, 
 
 " Oh ! how will this dream end, I wonder — 
 
 'Twill be a tragedy, I think — 
 
 A tragedy ! — well, if I sink, 
 
 The world shall learn what is the most, 
 
 The death of a great man may cost — 
 
 I'll furnish hist'ry, I engage, 
 
 With a more dreadful bloody page 
 
 Than do its records yet contain, 
 
 Or ever may, perhaps, again." 
 
 That France might think herself defended, 
 
 Great victories were then pretended — 
 
 By Nap's accounts, which none e'er doubted, 
 
 Th' allies at every place were routed, 
 
 And these accounts were read aloud, 
 
 By Joseph, to the wond'ring crowd. 
 
 Perhaps King Joseph was deceiv'd, 
 
 And that Nap's stories he believ'd. 
 
 The allies had many places storm'd, 
 
 Till they a semi-circle form'd 
 
 Round Paris, while, in doleful mood, 
 
 Our hero in his station stood, 
 
NAPOLEON. 245 
 
 With all the forces he cou'd pickup, 
 When possible, a dust to kick up; 
 To separate them he endeavour'd, 
 And for awhile th' allies were sever'd. 
 He daily gave his troops a lesson, 
 Commanding them always to press on. 
 Ten colours now, he happ'd to take — 
 Of which resolv'd a boast to make, 
 They to the Empress were presented, 
 At sight of which she seem'd contented ; 
 One was an Austrian, four were Prussian, 
 The other five, it seems, were Russian. 
 The Regent (as we now must call her) 
 Extoll'd the pledges of French valour- 
 She said, " These standards are, I see, 
 Sure pledges France will soon be free; 
 At sight of these, then, cease alarms, 
 And let all Frenchmen rise in arms — 
 Let them the Emperor attend, 
 Who is their father and their friend." 
 Of Troyes our hero was possest, 
 For certainly he did his best ; 
 He conquer' d the allies, he thought, 
 Because an armistice they sought; 
 But soon the contrary appeal 'd, 
 Th' allies with victories were cheer'd ; 
 They led poor Bonaparte a dance, 
 While boldly they surrounded France. 
 bS 
 
246 DB, SYNTAX'S 
 
 The Empress Regent, it is said, 
 Was at this period sore afraid- 
 She wrote to Nap — she wrote again, 
 And this was her last tender strain — 
 '.' I fear misfortunes are to come, 
 And wish, my dear, you were at home ; 
 The King of Rome had such a dream, 
 Last night, he woke with a loud scream — 
 What is the matter, love ? said I, 
 And then the boy began to cry — 
 Alack-a-day ! said he, mama, 
 I thought, indeed, my dear papa, 
 A dreadful fall had from his horse — 
 But that, mama, was not the worse — 
 I thought he was severely hurt, 
 And was all over filth and dirt. 
 Oh, wou'd you were at home ! 'twould be 
 Not only happiness for me, 
 But infinite delight and joy 
 For your unbappy, weeping boy." 
 It seems that this communication, 
 Fill'd Bonaparte with consternation ; 
 The dream was cause of great alarm. 
 He thought that it forboded harm; 
 He fear'd that he shou'd, after all, 
 Encounter an untimely fall ; 
 He fear'd the business he was on, 
 A dirty job wou'd prove anon. 
 
NAPOXEON. 247 
 
 The bravest and most daring heart, 
 At trifles frequently will start; 
 King Richard was disturb'd by dreams, 
 And so was Emp'ror Nap, it seems. 
 The accounts which still our hero sent, 
 Produc'd no solace or content; 
 The Empress was become more wise, 
 And gave no credit to his lies ; 
 The King of Rome (now three years old) 
 Did every thing that he was told; 
 Whene'er he in his carriage sat, 
 His Majesty took off his hat 
 To all the grenadiers around, 
 And bowd with rev'rence profound; 
 He bow'd whene'er the guard he met. 
 And so the child became a pet. 
 Th' allies, when they had cross'd the Rhine, 
 Had offer'd peace, with the design 
 That all the blame of war might rest 
 On Bonaparte, who, as they guess'd, 
 With moderation, or with patience, 
 Woud'nt listen to negociations. 
 But crafty Nap t' outwit his foes, 
 Pretended with their terms to close. 
 Discovering 'twas all a scoff, 
 Negociations they broke off. 
 "Brave Nap th' allies with fury chased, 
 And all advantages embraced; 
 r4 
 
248 DK. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Surrounding them in numbers great, 
 He thought to cut off their retreat. 
 Poor Boney, tho', was check'd, we find, 
 A gen'ral battle he declin'd ; 
 Tho* Blucher panted for an action, 
 Nap gave him not that satisfaction, 
 Butmarch'd towards Vitry, and he acted, 
 Just like a man that was distracted ; 
 For southward he his steps directed, 
 A movement which was unexpected. 
 It seems our hero made a blunder, 
 Which fill'd his generals with wonder; 
 By means of this th* allies, indeed, 
 Had form'd a junction, and with speed 
 To Paris march'd — Nap saw his error, 
 And manifested grief and terror ; 
 To overtake them soon, he thought, 
 But all in vain th' allies he sought ; 
 And now he cock'd a longing ear, 
 In hopes a dreadful noise to hear; 
 For Nap of Paris took such care, 
 An order to his general there 
 He had dispatch'd some days before ; 
 But which, it seems, this general tore. 
 He thought the Emperor was mad, 
 For in this order he was bade 
 The magazines of powder, shells, 
 And all the like combustibles, 
 
NAPOLEON. 249 
 
 To blow up, in their various places, 
 
 ]f the allies shou'd shew their faces. 
 
 Nap was deceiv'd, as it appears, 
 
 For no explosion reach'd his ears. 
 
 When Emperor Alexander heard, 
 
 This man to disobey not fear'd, 
 
 The Order of Wladimer, set 
 
 In diamonds, did the general get. 
 
 And with too a civil note 
 
 Which Emperor Alexander wrote. 
 
 He read, when he the seal had broken — 
 
 " Accept this trifle as a token 
 
 For having thus your country sav'd, 
 
 And like an honest man behav'd." 
 
 It seems, when Paris was invaded 
 It was not by King Joseph aided. 
 Tis true, he the Parisians told 
 To be unanimous and bold — • 
 " I'm with you," he was pleas'd to say, 
 But then the hero ran away. 
 
 The brave allies did not think meet 
 With Emperor Bonaparte to treat — 
 Said they " Good people, while you're able 
 Pray choose a government more stable — 
 We do not wish to guide your voice, 
 But leave it freely to your choice, 
 In hopes hostilities may cease 
 And all be amity and peace." 
 
250 DR. syntax's 
 
 Now in tbe Senate, as related 
 
 The question warmly was debated, 
 
 Some for Eugene Beauharnois — some 
 
 In favour of the King of Rome — 
 
 The Empress, during his minority, 
 
 To have, as Regent, full authority ; 
 
 But others gave in their accord 
 
 That the Bourbons should be restored : 
 
 They said none was so fit to govern 
 
 As he who was their lawful sovereign. 
 
 The Bourbon party then prevail'd 
 
 And Louis the Eighteenth was hail'd. 
 
 Great was the joy we must confess 
 
 Occasion'd by th' Allies' success. 
 
 In London, we may truly say, 
 
 That night was almost turn'd to day ; 
 
 The streets for three successive nights 
 
 Exhibited abundant lights. 
 
 When articles of peace were ratified 
 
 Again the Londoners were gratified; 
 
 For three nights more the place look'd brilliant, 
 
 Much fancy, gaiety, and skill in't. 
 
 Poor Nap in Fontainbleau remain'd, 
 
 By all the Generals disdain'd — 
 
 Quite in the dumps was he, forlorn 
 
 And treated with the greatest scorn. 
 
 A favourite Mameluke attended 
 
 Who innocently Nap offended, 
 
NAPOLEON. 251 
 
 For he his fall so much regretted 
 
 A sword immediately he whetted, 
 
 Then coming to his master's side 
 
 He shew'd the instrument and cried — 
 
 " I hope your servant you'll forgive, 
 
 But sure you cannot choose to live, 
 
 To be a may-game and bye word— 
 
 And therefore, Sir, I've brought my sword, 
 
 Will you the job pray undertake, 
 
 And a fine Roman exit make ? 
 
 Or shall I do it for you, pray? 
 
 I'm very ready to obey." 
 
 " Neither," was Bonaparte's reply, 
 " There's no necessity to die." 
 
 " Neither!" the man exclaimed surpris'd — 
 " What! will you live to be despis'd i 
 To be a laughing stock — oh fie ! 
 
 Then pray kill me — or bid good bye ; 
 
 I'll not live under such disgrace." 
 
 And instantly he left the place — 
 His operations Nap pursu'd, 
 
 And frequently the troops review'd. 
 
 One day, the first of April too, 
 
 Boney attended the review. 
 
 He thought the soldiers still his own, 
 
 Tho' well the contrary was known. 
 
 Some of the Generals, 'tis said, 
 
 The Paris newspapers had read, 
 
252 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 And of the news, before the crowd, 
 They talk'd together very loud. 
 Our hero still retain'd his cheer, 
 For he pretended not to hear. 
 As soon as the review was done, 
 Brave Marshal Ney (to have some fun 
 And let him know his fatal doom), 
 Follow'd poor Boney to his room. — 
 " In Paris there's a revolution — 
 You've heard of the new constitution." 
 Nap seeming not to understand, 
 Ney clapp'd the paper in his hand ; 
 He read with evident attention, 
 'Twas gaining time tho' for invention. - 
 Alas, poor Nap! 'tis as he fear'd — 
 And like fall'n Wolsey he appear'd. 
 Exactly the same scene indeed — 
 There is that paper for you — read 
 Tften with what appetite you can — 
 Go eat your breakfast, my good man. 
 Nap, spite of all, was very cool, 
 Tho' certainly an April fool: 
 But great indeed was his vexation, 
 When bade to sign his abdication -. 
 He look'd aghast, he sigh'd, and trembled 
 Before the Generals all assembled — 
 'Twas hard on Boney, we must own, 
 Thus to renounce his crown and throne. 
 
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NAPOLEON. 453 
 
 How cou'd he help it?— for — oh lord ! 
 
 There was a Cossack with a sword ! ] 
 
 To add to brave Napoleon's dread 
 
 There was a pistol at his head ! 
 
 So very furious look'd the men 
 
 Poor Nap could scarcely hold the pen, 
 
 And when he did, so great his fright, 
 
 His name poor Nap cou'd scarcely write ; 
 
 At length, while he was sitting down, 
 
 He sign'd— " I abdicate my Ckown." 
 
 Yet stratagems he still suggested, 
 
 For afterwards poor Nap protested — ; 
 
 " To Italy I will repair, -* 
 
 For well I know, if I go there, \. 
 
 She in my favour will declare." 3 
 
 But as his throne he abdicated 
 
 The troops no longer his were rated ; 
 
 They wou'd not follow him, and 30 
 
 To Italy he cou'd not go. 
 
 He'd frequently exclaim'd with sneers 
 
 " France will recall me in three years, 
 
 For tho' her heart be now so stony 
 
 She cannot do without her Boney." 
 
 Nap thought upon the Red Man's threat, 
 
 And often times was seen to fret — 
 
 When told the Bourbons were restor'd 
 
 " I'm glad," he cried " upon my word. 
 
254 dk. syntax's 
 
 His Majesty shon'd think of me, 
 
 For I his General wou'd he." 
 
 Like smoke Nap's expectations vanish'd, 
 
 For soon to Elba he was banish'd ; 
 
 "When he of this decree was told 
 
 Himself he wisely thus consol'd — 
 
 " Great men have often been ill used, 
 
 Cokiolanus was abused. 
 
 I'll write my life, and it shall be 
 
 A comic-tragic history ;' 
 
 The ancient languages I'll scan 
 
 And be a literary man." 
 
 To put this project into practice 
 
 A hundred thousand crowns (a fact 'tis), 
 
 He gave to purchase for his use 
 
 What volumes Paris cou'd produce, 
 
 For he now entertain'd a sure hope 
 
 Of being the most learn'd in Europe. 
 
 The Empress, spite of marriage vows, 
 
 Wou'd not accompany her spouse ; 
 
 Nor did King Joe like his retreat, 
 
 And therefore bought a country seat. 
 
 Amidst his sorrow and chagrin 
 
 Our hero thought of Josephine ; 
 
 It seems poor Nap could not forget her, 
 
 For suddenly he sent a letter, 
 
 And to the late discarded lady 
 
 His compliments respectful paid he. 
 
NAPOLEON. 255 
 
 Undoubtedly he wish'd the fair 
 His solitary hours to share ; 
 We cannot tell if she replied, 
 For shortly afterwards she died. 
 His family, for ever proud, 
 To keep their titles were allow'd, 
 Except the King of Rome, poor child, 
 Who was the Prince of Parma stil'd. 
 As Nap to losses was not used 
 A serious illness they produced ; 
 His downfall preying on his mind 
 He to his chamber was confin'd ; 
 And was obliged, as it is said, 
 To call in a physician's aid — 
 He look'd so very pale, I wot, 
 It was the cholic that he got, 
 And as in that complaint the case is, 
 He made a number of wry faces. 
 The vision of bis darling son 
 Repeatedly he dwelt upon — ■ 
 " Yes, great my fall — I am undone — 
 I have been fighting without profit, 
 And made a dirty business of it." 
 On setting off oh what a fuss ! 
 Poor Nap address'd his soldiers thus — 
 " Brave lads, I bid you all adieu, 
 For twenty years I've found you true ; 
 
256 DR. SYNTAX'S 
 
 Glory has been your constant aim, 
 
 For ever in the path of fame. 
 
 How ill my stars have recompensed me, 
 
 For all the world has been against me; 
 
 My Gen'rals have betray'd their trust. 
 
 And France herself has been unjust; 
 
 Yet for three years, with your assistance, 
 
 I France's foes kept at a distance. 
 
 Since the new monarch she has chosen 
 
 Be guilty, my brave lads, of no sin ; 
 
 My fate don't pity, for you know 
 
 If you are happy I'll be so. 
 
 I cou'd have died, but chose to live 
 
 And further proofs of courage give — 
 
 I cannot hug all in this place, 
 
 But I'll your general embrace." 
 
 The General approach'd, well pleas'd 
 
 To be affectionately squeez'd. 
 
 The Eagle then poor Boney sought, 
 
 And which accordingly was brought ; 
 
 His love he for the Eagle show'd — 
 
 A thousand kisses he bestow'd. 
 
 " Oh my dear Eagle," wild he cried — 
 
 " Another kiss — I'm satisfied — 
 
 Adieu my lads — adieu I say — 
 
 Once more encompass me, I pray.". 
 
 The staff around him form'd a ring: 
 
 Tis said they lov'd him— no such thing ! 
 
NAPOLEON. 257 
 
 Into bis carriage then got soon he, 
 
 And, speaking truth, he looked all spoony. 
 
 When near his voyage, Nap, 'tis said 
 Was of sea sickness sore afraid ; 
 He begg'd to have a British vessel, 
 For then he thought he shou'd be less ill. 
 This favor instantly was granted, 
 He was to sail in the Undaunted ; 
 So sad upon his journey grown, 
 Poor Boney took his meals alone ; 
 As rumours strange about him flew, 
 And quite outrageous people grew, 
 Nap put on a disguise at last 
 And as an Austrian Gen'ral pass'd; 
 Then, per necessity, we find, 
 With the Commissioners he dined ; 
 But 'twas observ'd, on the first day, 
 He ev'ry mouthful threw away, 
 
 For he pretended to be ill, 
 
 Or 'twas not cater'd to his will ; 
 
 The reason was tho', as 'tis said, 
 
 Poor Nap of poison was afraid ; 
 
 He then pray'd hard, like a poor sinner, 
 
 That his own cook might dress his dinner: 
 
 To this they readily agreed, 
 
 He had his favourite cook indeed ; 
 
 And he who was so ill before 
 
 Now eat 'till he cou'd eat no more— 
 s 
 
-258 i»k. syntax's 
 
 Once having for fresh horses stopp'd, 
 'TwasthoughtpoorBoney wou'd havedropp'd; 
 So great indeed the rabbles scorn 
 To pieces he might soon be torn. 
 A foreign General, who attended, 
 Harrangued the mob and Nap defended— 
 " Forbear, and don't a death blow give, 
 Much better let the tyrant live — 
 Death wou'd release him from his pain, 
 Let him in torment then remain ; 
 A speedy death wou'd be his cure, 
 A thousand deaths let him endure." 
 This General amus'd the mob 
 Until the ostlers did their job. 
 The carriage, Nap with speed got in, 
 And still remain'd in a whole skin ; 
 As soon as spirits he possessed 
 He, his preserver thus address'd — 
 " I thank you, Sir, — yes, from my heart, 
 You've acted a most noble part; 
 I heard your speech to the rude folk 
 And like an angel faith you spoke." 
 Some say that tears he often shed, 
 But true indeed he shook his head, 
 And with a squalid visage said — 
 " It is all over with me now — 
 I'm dish'd— Yes, I am dish'd I vow," 
 
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NArOLEON. 259 
 
 Then, thinking of another plan, 
 
 He cried " Why, Asia wants a man,'* 
 
 It is a fact, he now display'd, 
 
 For safety sake, a white cockade. 
 
 But when — oh when the sea he saw] 
 
 How very great his fear and awe ! 
 
 He look'd with terror all around, 
 
 And thought they brought him to be drown'd. 
 
 On board th' Undaunted he embark' d — 
 
 i A noble vessel," he remarked. 
 
 And now the banish'd malefactor, 
 
 (So late a wild and busy actor), 
 
 His entry into Elba made 
 
 Upon the fourth of May. 'Tis said 
 
 To see the wondrous little man 
 
 Th' inhabitants all eager ran. 
 
 A great blue coat our hero sported, 
 
 And was most pompously escorted ; 
 
 Three fiddles and two fifes preceded, 
 
 For he some consolation needed 5 
 
 Pity my fall became the strain 
 
 Whicb they struck tip to sooth his pain ; 
 
 " Oh change that doleful air he said, 
 
 And therefore the musicians play'd, 
 
 In hopes to comfort the poor elf, 
 
 Go to the De'il and shake yourself. 
 
 " Giveme ahorse," he cried; of course 
 
 Hgp was provided with a horse, 
 
 - s 
 
260 DR. syntax's 
 
 And round the island quick he rode, 
 Which his wild disposition show'd ; 
 The little children, at his view 
 Cried out, " Oh there's a bug-a-boo !" 
 Without a wife— without a mother. 
 Without a sister or a brother, 
 And even of a friend bereft, 
 Poor Nap is to his conscience left. 
 
 Mark, gentle reader, then, the moral, 
 It is a proper lesson for all ; 
 Whoe'er attempts t' improve his lot 
 May lose the whole that he has got; 
 For speculation and ambition 
 Oft leave a man in low condition. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 — _ 
 
 Piamraer ind Brewis, Printers,. Love Lbop, Eastclieap, 
 
XV 
 
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