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THE 
 
 GOLDEN ASS 
 
 OF 
 
 LUCIUS APULEIUS, 
 
 OF MEDAURA, 
 
 REPRINTED FROM THE SCARCE EDITION OF 1709, 
 REVISED AND CORRECTED. 
 
 Tola pnrro hcec Melnniorphosis Apulciava, et styloy et sentcnfid, satyricon 
 est perpetiium, in quo ma^ica deliria, sacrificulotum .icclera, adulterorum cri- 
 mina,fuTum el lalromim impunitdEjacliones, palum differuntur. 
 
 (Barlhius. Adversaria. 1. 51, cap. II.) 
 
 IN TWO VOLUMES. 
 
 VOL I. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR E. WHEATLEY, 
 
 ENGLISH AND FOREIGN BOOKSELLER, 10, RYDER's COURT, 
 
 LEICESTER SQUARE. 
 
 1821. 
 
 '•j-fitti'^ ■ 
 
G. Schulze, Printer, 13, Poland Street. 
 
VI 
 
 Uo 
 
 Une z^wonorav/e 
 
 HENRY ST. JOHN, Esq. 
 
 UnM C/omnie id iimwtde ryouTnviTi 
 Sueatcatea, 
 
 an 
 
 d Oveoient QJewant, 
 
THK 
 
 EPISTLE DEDICATORY, 
 
 TO THE HONORABLE 
 
 HENRY ST. JOHN, Esq. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 1 HOUGH addresses of this nature, by the 
 folly and false hopes of too many au- 
 thors suffer under an imputation too ge- 
 neral and unjust, yet while Mr. St. John 
 is my patron, I have not the least appre- 
 hension of erring with the many, or of 
 being thought to sacrifice more to hope 
 than to justice. 
 
 Books were anciently addressed either 
 to a friend, or a confessed master in the 
 art or subject of the discourse, as a sure 
 guard against the assaults of the little 
 critics and lesser pretenders to art, who 
 
 a 2 
 
IV THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY. 
 
 form a party so formidable in courts and 
 great cities, that a man of art and true 
 sense, has reason to fortify himself against 
 them ; or lastly, they were the just and 
 grateful offerings to the public merit of 
 those who had done generous service to 
 their country, civil or military. 
 
 Though I have not the happiness of 
 challenging the honor of the first; yet 
 your just claim to both the last, which 
 are of far greater import, abundantly jus- 
 tify my address. 
 
 Though the following treatise be in 
 prose for the most part, yet it being a poe- 
 tical production in the original and both 
 its copies, it has a sort of right to fly to 
 the protection of a person, who has given 
 the world sufficient proofs of his skill in 
 that art. 
 
 Let it not be thought a blemish in you. 
 Sir, to excel in that science, to arrive at 
 which so many great men have discovered 
 an impotent ambition. Cicero has left 
 ns his lame efforts at, and in many places 
 his high esteem for, poetry ; Augustus and 
 Maecenas attempted in vain to emulate 
 Horace and Virgil, whom they warmed 
 
THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY. 
 
 V 
 
 with their favor and bounty ; JuUn 
 during the siege of Athens wrote a play, 
 and the great Scijno and Lelins were at 
 least assistants to Terence ; Marius him- 
 self, as rough and sour as his disposition 
 was, could not curb the discovery of his 
 satisfaction at hearing the verses oiArchias 
 on his Cimhric wars ; and Homer was the 
 perpetual bosom companion oi Alexander 
 the Great. So truly grounded is that 
 sentence of Petronius Arbiter : 
 
 Qtti mentem magnis applicat det primos versibus annos. 
 
 It was that genius which you received 
 from nature for these studies, and your 
 intimacy with the muses, that gave you 
 so early a capacity of discharging such 
 great trusts and posts, of both prince and 
 people, with so just an applause. Who- 
 ever indeed, is struck with the love of sa- 
 cred song, must be free from that rapa- 
 cious thirst of gain, which always eclipses 
 the brightest parts, obscures the greatest 
 merit, and renders the greatest power 
 invidious and contemptible to all man- 
 kind. For though avarice be, in a manner, 
 the epidemic distemper of this age, yet 
 there is nothing so hateful in the eye of 
 
VI THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY. 
 
 the people, and of all that participate not 
 of the same vice and folly. 
 
 It is indeed to the reigning private 
 spb'ity that we owe those scandalous re- 
 mains of that barbarism, which is bnt 
 too visible in the neglect of the politer 
 studies, which only want the encourage- 
 ment of the great to raise the British name 
 above all the moderos, and to a rivalship 
 of the antients. 
 
 Were I so happy to be one of the ge- 
 nuine sons of art, who am only an humble 
 admirer of the muses, my prayer would be 
 that the age might have many St, Johns, 
 who with a generous and united force, 
 might at once reduce the forward and ig- 
 norant pretenders to their just contempt, 
 and lift the humble artist to that applause, 
 which he only deserves. Only men of 
 your understanding and temper can ever 
 do that justice to your country's reputa- 
 tion, of whom we may say with Horace 
 of Tibullus : 
 
 Non tu corpus eras sine pectore di tibijormam ; 
 
 Di tihi divitias dederant, artemq ; fruendi. 
 
 And we find you, Sir, always 
 
 Curantem quicquid dignum sapienle, bonoq ; est. 
 
THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY. vii 
 
 Among which I am confident the 
 province of the muses cannot have the 
 last place and consideration. 
 
 It is not that I fear offending a false 
 modesty that I forbear paying that tribute 
 of praise here, which is your due, and 
 drawing your character for tlie view of the 
 public ; but from a sense of my inability 
 to perform so difficult a task, and an ap- 
 prehension of being thought to undertake 
 a thing perfectly superfluous ; since that 
 is what is known to all the world already. 
 Yes, Sir, were you less known and ad- 
 mired, I could bring such a voucher of 
 your excellence as would alone be a 
 greater panegyric than any pen could 
 give you ; for to be so dear to the great- 
 est genius of the age, as eminent for his 
 generous temper as wit and understand- 
 ing, is a proof that he finds those admira- 
 ble qualities in you, which answer to those 
 in himself, since a similitude of those is 
 always the foundation of so singular a 
 friendship. But your merit. Sir, has 
 long been too well known to stand in 
 need of any other voucher, though ever 
 so great, and illustrious ; and under the 
 
Vlll THE EPISTLE DEDICATORY. 
 
 protection of which I shall have very 
 little dread of either the critics or fortune, 
 though all things of this nature are too 
 much subject to both ; but your appro- 
 bation being my chief aim and desire, 
 all other considerations will be little re- 
 garded by, 
 
 Sir, 
 
 Your most Humble 
 
 and most Obedient 
 
 Servant. 
 
THE 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 1 HIS preface is not an idle compliment to 
 custom, or to insinuate my compliance with 
 the importunities of friends in the publication 
 of the following book: but there being a ne- 
 cessity of premising some few lines on the 
 present performance, and the original or ground 
 on which it is built. 
 
 The famous Lucian furnished the first hint, 
 (for so I must call his Ass in comparison of what 
 has since been done on it) and Apuleius enlarged 
 it into eleven books. I shall not say much 
 about Lucian, as to the excellency of his genius, 
 its nature and the like, that being done ad- 
 mirably well in his life written by Mr. Dryden, 
 and now ready to be published. But I must 
 say (with the critic's permission) that Apuleius 
 has much improved his sketch, by the addition 
 of various discoveries in his assinine condition^ 
 which was indeed, or ought to have been the 
 chief aim of the invention. 
 
 I must avow myself as great an admirer of 
 
X THE PREFACE. 
 
 the ancients, with justice, as any man can be 
 witliout affectation. 1 .illow that their designs 
 were masterly, and that they always had na- 
 ture in tlieir eye, in their draughts of man 
 in his passions or manners, to which most of 
 our celebrated modern poets have had but little 
 regard ; those, at least, who have found the best 
 success, have been those who deviate the most 
 from the valuable paths of nature, true rhetoric, 
 or even common sense. 
 
 But then I cannot put Lucian absolutely into 
 that illustrious class, he lived in an age when 
 the taste of the people was as loose and de- 
 bauched as their principles and manners ; and 
 Lucian, with all his wit, could not escape the 
 infection of the times, as is plain from his de- 
 fence of dancing, in which, though he gives a 
 great many just praises to that art, then in its 
 perfection, yet when he prefers it even to a 
 tragedy, he pays but a slender deference to 
 sense. 
 
 I urge this to obviate the objections of a sort 
 of gentlemen, who though nature has given 
 them parts sufficient to make a tolerable 
 figure among men of sense, lessen what they 
 have by the affectation of seeing more in an 
 old author, than any one else can discover. 
 This proceeds from the pride of being thought 
 greater scholars than the rest of the company, 
 though in reality they only palm their own 
 
THE PREFACE. XF 
 
 fancy upon you for a beauty of tlie author's in- 
 vention, and uhicli is often only so in tlicir own 
 single apprehension. 
 
 These gentlemen's select flowers are gene- 
 rally only words. The happy turn of an ex- 
 pression, a phrase full and surprising, com- 
 mands their adoration ; but fur the design and 
 conduct of the piece, they know no more of it 
 than if they had never read an author. These 
 are mere grammaticasters, and read books like 
 Dutch commentators, busying themselves with 
 empty words, while they pass over excellencies 
 much greater and more charming. The au- 
 thors that are their darlings have reason to 
 complain of their praise, as Zeuxis in Lucian 
 does of those who had seen his admirable piece 
 of the Centaurs. The applause was ever in the 
 wrong place ; they Mere not touched with the 
 mastery of his design or performance, but the 
 most trifling errors of his pencil put them into 
 raptures. 1 have seen the same at that present 
 fiivorite monster called an opera, when the 
 finest ariettos, and da capos passed unregarded, 
 and the horrible recitativo put the heads of 
 atfected coxcombs in motion, as agitated with 
 an agony of pleasure. 
 
 I know that gentlemen of this kidney will 
 never allow Apuleius a place in the presence of 
 Lucian, and look on his attempt at the same 
 thing as an impudence worthy the barbarism 
 
XII TH E PREFACE. 
 
 of a modern man of Africa. Yet I shall not 
 hesitate, in spite of their supercilious censure, 
 to prefer Apuleius to Lucian in this particular, 
 because he has heightened the satire and im- 
 proved the design, which are things of far 
 greater consequence than all the petty beau- 
 ties of diction, in which they cannot be well 
 compared, because Lucian wrote in Greek, and 
 Apuleius in Latin. However, I will be so com- 
 plaisant to these critics to allow Lucian the 
 advantage in the diction, and be content 
 that Apuleius has the preference in the im- 
 provement of the design. But that this may 
 not be looked on as gratis dictum, we will 
 come to particulars, we find Lucian's Ass filled 
 either with the arch rogueries of a country boy, 
 by which he suffered in his person in that assi- 
 nine shape, or his other hardships in travelling, 
 burdens and the like, with some little hint at 
 the discoveries he made of the vices of men and 
 women, who hid them from mankind. But 
 Apuleius, though he kept all that Lucian fur- 
 nished in those particulars, yet he everywhere 
 improved the hint, and enlarged the image 
 he would represent ; he has also taken care 
 to multiply and embellish all those stories which 
 showed the salaciousness of the women, and the 
 knavery and brutality of the priests of the Syrian 
 goddess, the abandoned lives and rogueries of 
 the robbers, and so to the rest; so that his 
 
THE PREFACE. Xlll 
 
 book may be called a satire on the vices of men 
 and women ; and Lucian's the picture of the 
 miserable condition of the life of an ass. 
 
 I confess, there are several trifling things in 
 Apuleius, or such at least as would certainly 
 seem so to us, though the superstition of those 
 times will afford no contemptible vindication 
 of most of them. His style will perhaps admit 
 of a debate whether it be allowable or positively 
 bad. That he has aftected a very poetical diction 
 is visible to every reader, but whether a style 
 so crammed with metaphorse, and so verbose, 
 be allowable to prose, I shall not here deter- 
 mine ; though I have no contemptible autho- 
 rity for what Apuleius has done, and I might 
 urge that the whole being a poetical fiction, 
 he was at liberty to adapt his style to his subject : 
 for though verses be chosen as most harmo- 
 nious according to Aristotle, yet a fable is no 
 less a poem for being in prose. 
 
 I cannot dismiss Apuleius, without saying 
 something about so considerable a part of his 
 book, as the fable of Psyche. Athenaeus has 
 wrote it much larger, and with a greater circuit 
 of words and prolixity, which Apuleius con- 
 fines to two books. There have been several 
 morals given it, but few or none that seem to 
 fall within the design of the inventor of the 
 fable. Some have made it the union of soul 
 and body ; others Adam and Eve, and the tree of 
 
XIV THE PREFACE, 
 
 knowledge, and the like. For my part, it seems 
 to me to be a moral chiefly against curiosity, as 
 is instanced twice by Cupid himself. The fable 
 of the celebrated Oedipus is against the same 
 fault or folly, and all the lamentable fate of that 
 Prince is plainly the consequences of it. The 
 heathen priesthood had reason to level their bat- 
 teries against it, for they were conscious of follies 
 so great in their gross impositions on the people, 
 that they might well fear a discovery from a 
 liberty to curiosity. 
 
 It now remains, that I say a word or two to 
 the modern improvement of Apuleius. I hope 
 that I shall not be accounted too partial to our 
 own age, if 1 here give the advantage to the 
 modern from the two anlients. For the same 
 reason, that sets Apuleius before Lucian, prefers 
 the modern to both, the design being m the last 
 most complete. An ass was an animal that could 
 scarce come into any place where there could be 
 any secret transacted, and, therefore, no proper 
 machine for the discovery of secret vices, and 
 unmasking hypocrisy. But a fine Bologna lap- 
 dog is admitted to the closets, cabinets, and 
 bedchambers of the fair and the great, and 
 therefore a transformation into that shape was 
 more proper and conducive to the design, than 
 that of Lucian and Apuleius. The modern has 
 taken care to do by Apuleius, what he did by 
 Lucian, that is, to transplant all that he could 
 
THE PREFACE. XV 
 
 suppose would any way thrive aud flourish in his 
 own plantation. 
 
 Besides those, he lias added discoveries of the 
 intrigues of the widows, and their pecuHar love 
 politics, which are not in either the Greek or 
 Latin authors. Instead of the priests of the 
 Dea Syria, with whose actions the present state 
 of Europe has little to do, he has inserted the 
 rogueries, cheats and debauches of the friars 
 and Jesuits; who, though gr.ifted on Christianity, 
 have as far excelled the wickedness of those 
 itinerant mendicants of paganism with their 
 strolling* divinity, as the excellence of the chri- 
 stian religion is greater than the mere inven- 
 tions of man, for Corruptio optimi est pcssima. 
 
 Whether the stories of the Jesuits, and friars 
 and nuns be literally true, I will not pretend to 
 determine, but this I can say, I can parallel, nay, 
 exceed them in authentic accounts, already 
 published to the world. So that the Romanists 
 have no just cause of complaint of any impostures 
 of our author, who has said no more of them 
 than their own writers justify, and Henry Ste- 
 phens proves from undoubted records. 
 
 It may be objected, that too much of these 
 two volumes is spent before the transformation. 
 To which I must answer, that Apuleius is not 
 metamorphosed till the end of the third book, 
 Fantasio at the end of the second ; and though 
 the books of the modern are something larger, 
 than those of the ancient, yet the whole work 
 
XVI THE PREFACE. 
 
 consisting of twelve books, six only of which 
 are now published, it bears a better proportion to 
 the whole, than the other. 
 
 There is one thing peculiar to the Italian, 
 which is neither in the Greek nor the Latin, 
 which is, that the modern has taken care oc- 
 casionally to intersperse discourses, letters, and 
 verses, on various and curious subjects, with 
 frequent moral reflections, which are not to be 
 found in the others. 
 
 Both the Italian and myself have endeavoured 
 to come as near the stile of Apuleius as the 
 difference of time, and the rights of the languages 
 would permit. To conclude, there is nothing in 
 the Latin author worth our reading, that is not in 
 the translation. And since so many wretched 
 books have taken with the town, purely because 
 translated from the French, I was in hopes that 
 a version of an Italian, when the follies of that 
 nation are so much in vogue, would not be 
 despised. But if nothing but such sick dreams 
 as the Arabian Nights Entertainments : the Devil 
 upon Two Sticks, &c. will go down, the London- 
 bridge booksellers have reason to hope, that 
 Valentine and Orson, and Tom Thumb, in folio, 
 and such more valuable trifles may speedily be 
 advanced from the nursery to the cabinets of the 
 fair, and the studies of the wits ; but indeed 
 England at this time seems the Africa of wit, 
 where only monsters thrive and domineer, both 
 on the theatre and in the press. 
 
THE INTRODUCTION. 
 
 To Sijrnor Giovanni Veccbio lietame, of the aca- 
 demy of La Crusca in Florence, Carlo Monte 
 Socio, of the academy of the Homoristi in Rome, 
 wishes health, happy days, and pleasing nights. 
 
 I SEND you, my good friend, with this 
 billet, a copy of the manuscript taken 
 from that of the memorable Signer Fumoso 
 de la Fantasia, of the delightful province 
 di Parnasso, filled with the strange and 
 wonderful fortunes which befel him, and 
 the surprising adventures he met with 
 during his long peregrination in a bor- 
 rowed shape, which at once delivered 
 him from disasters he could no otherwise 
 have escaped, and gave him admittance 
 to secrets he could only this way have at- 
 tained. 
 
 I shall neither raise your expectation 
 from a promise of uncommon pleasure in 
 the perusal, (though you will find a va- 
 riety that will bid fViir for it,) nor antici- 
 pate your satisfaction in a prefatory dis- 
 
XVlll THE INTRODUCTION. 
 
 covery of tlie design. All that I have to 
 tell you of this affair, is, that passing into 
 England with the Venetian ambassador, 
 during my stay there, I had the good for- 
 tune to fall into an acquaintance and inti- 
 macy with Signor Fumoso de la Fantasia, 
 whom for brevity we used to call Fanta- 
 sio. By this means I had the opportunity 
 of perusing all his manuscripts, which 
 though numerous, had their several par- 
 ticular excellencies, which at once en- 
 gaged and instructed. 
 
 Though he was not fond of shewing 
 his performances to every one he knew, 
 yet I had the happiness of being one of 
 those in whojn he reposed a particular 
 confidence, to which I owe the liberty he 
 gave me of transcribing what I pleased 
 from them. And this has made my 
 power equal to my will, to comply with 
 your desires of having a transcript of his 
 transformation into a Bologna lap-dog ; a 
 form more opportune for the discovery of 
 the secrets and intrigues of ladies and 
 jrreat men, than that of an ass, who 
 could not be admitted beyond the very 
 stable, or at most to a nearer view of the 
 
THE INTRODUCTION. XlX 
 
 affairs of the mob. Let no man object, 
 that there is more proportion between an 
 ass and a man in bulk, than between a 
 fine Bologna dog ; for the power of magic 
 can do one as well as the other, and 
 cram a giant into a pigmy, as well as 
 change the human to the bestial form. 
 Does not every old woman furnish us with 
 proofs of witches being transformed into 
 cats, weasels, &c. ? To the facilitating of 
 this change, nature had contributed by 
 tlie diminutive figure of Fantasio, as you 
 will find in his own account of himself 
 
 But though he was not unwilling to let 
 me transcribe this piece, as well as others, 
 yet he laid his injunction upon me not to 
 publish it in print, lest the incredulity of 
 an impious age should render his whole 
 narration suspected of imposture. 
 
 Under this difticulty I had no way left 
 but to send you the manuscript itself, en- 
 joining you a speedy return, lest you be 
 tempted to communicate that to another, 
 which T send only for your own diversion ; 
 for I would no more have my pleasures 
 common than my mistress. I have be- 
 queathed this, with the rest of the manu- 
 
XX THE INTRODUCTION. 
 
 scripts of Signor Fumoso de la Fantasia 
 diParnasso, to the Vatican library, to in- 
 crease that celebrated repository of rari- 
 ties : and as I design you my trustee in 
 this particular, so I am the more willing 
 you should see and consider of the value 
 of the legacy. 
 
 But I will no longer detain you from 
 your more agreeable conversation with 
 Fantasio himself, 
 
 Farewell. 
 
THE LIFE 
 
 OF APULEIUS, 
 
 1 HE following discourse being founded 
 on the works of Lucius Apuleius, I 
 thought it would not be ungrateful to 
 the reader to give him the life of that 
 author, before this second volume, instead 
 of a preface. But the gentlemen of the 
 pen have generally been so remote from 
 action, that their lives afford little of fact, 
 to entertain. However what I have been 
 able to collect I shall deliver. 
 
 The birth-place of Apuleius was 
 of considerable reputation, for he was 
 born in JVLedaura, a city of Africa, si- 
 tuated in the confines of JSTumidia and Ge- 
 fM/^a, anciently in the jurisdiction of king 
 Sijphax antl then under JMassinism, and 
 
VI THE LIFE OF 
 
 was afterwards a very noble colony of the 
 Romans. His father's name was Theseus, 
 a principal man of the place, who had the 
 honorable employment of Duumvir, and 
 passed through all the other honorable posts 
 of the magistracy of that city. His mo- 
 ther's name was Salvia, deriving herself 
 directly from that eminent philosopher 
 of the Cheronesus and his grandson 
 Sextus, who read philosophy to the em- 
 peror Antoninus the philosopher, as Ca- 
 pitolinus assures us. The time of his 
 nativity is not very certain, though we 
 make some probable conjectures about 
 it, for we may draw arguments of suffi- 
 cient force, that he flourished chiefly in 
 the reigns of Antoninus Pius and his 
 brothers JM. Antoninus the philosopher 
 and Lucius Aurelius Verus. For he 
 mentions C. V. Lollianus Avitus, who, 
 as we have observed from Ulpian and 
 the same Capitolinus, was president of 
 Bithynia in the reigns of the two last 
 emperors I have named, and that he 
 lived even in the time of Pertinax, being 
 then a man of consular dignity. He also 
 calls Lollius Urbicus prefect of the city. 
 
APULEIUS. Vli 
 
 who, tlie same historian assures us, was 
 lieutenant general to Antoninus Pius, 
 and in that station vanquished the Bri- 
 tons. He likewise seems to make Scijtio 
 Orpkitus president of Africa, whom the 
 same author makes prefect of the city 
 in the reign of the same Antoninus Pius, 
 and afterwards in t\\e re\^x\ oi Antoninus 
 the philosopher; he was exalted to many 
 honors and dignities, though he lay 
 under the suspicion of being one of those 
 who had a private and clandestine affair 
 with Faustina, and who seems about that 
 time to have passed through his consulship. 
 And our civilian gives us an account of 
 the act of the senate of the time of Mar- 
 cus Aurelius in the consulship of Or- 
 pJiitus and Rufus, and called the Or- 
 phistan act, from the name of one of the 
 consuls. And JElius Lampridias tells 
 us of Orphitus who was consul with 
 Maximus and Rufus, likewise under the 
 emperor Commodus. It is true indeed, 
 that there might, in those times, be more, 
 of the name of Orphitus than one, but 
 this place will not admit of a long dis- 
 quisition on that head ; for out of all this 
 
Till THE LIFE OF 
 
 we only design to draw onr conjectures 
 about the time of the birth of our Apu- 
 leius, that is, in the latter end of the 
 reign of Adrian, or very near it. 
 
 He was from his childhood extremely 
 inclined to learning, and study was his 
 delight, first at Carthage and afterwards, 
 in his youth, at Athens, were he attained 
 to all manner of liberal sciences, and 
 where he was for the most part a follower 
 of the Platonists. 
 
 Whence being come to Rome he ap- 
 plied himself to the study of the Latin 
 tongue, which he learnt witli no small 
 difficulty, having no master to give him 
 any instructions in it, as he himself 
 tells us in his introduction to his Golden 
 Ass, the book from whence so much is 
 taken of this new Metamorphosis and 
 on which the whole is built. 
 
 In Rome he also made such a progress 
 in the civil law, that he pleaded causes 
 in the forum as an advocate. 
 
 He was initiated into the sacred rites 
 and mysteries of the religion of the times 
 in Greece; and he himself often informs 
 us that he was a priest in the province 
 
APULEIUS. IX 
 
 of Africa; which St. Austin likewise 
 observes, who tells us that he, at that 
 time, exhibited such entertainments and 
 gave such presents as were usual on 
 those occasions. About the same time 
 his statue in brass was ordered by the 
 decree of the senate to be set up in 
 Carthage. 
 
 He was a man of a very considerable 
 estate, but his many travels and great 
 application to his studies, made him too 
 negligent of his affairs not to have them 
 embezzled by servants. 
 
 Pndentilla, his wife, was of Oca, ano- 
 ther c\ty oi Africa. She was a woman 
 of years, and a widow, having a son by 
 her former husband called Pontiamis, who 
 died soon after her marriage with Apu- 
 leius. Though she was something aged, 
 yet she was very rich, bringing with her 
 four million sestertii, which makes 31,250 
 pounds sterling, every thousand sesters 
 being 11. 16s. 3^. She had been thirteen 
 years a widow, when she married Apii- 
 leius. 
 
 This considerable fortune by his wife 
 was the occasion of some trouble to Apu- 
 
X THE LIFE OF 
 
 leins, for it drew on liini the accusation 
 of Sicinius Emi/lianus, brother to his 
 wife's former husband, before the pro- 
 consul of Africa, Claudius jyiaximus, 
 as guilty of the unlawful practice of the 
 art of magic. The charge was that he 
 had by diabolical charms bewitched Pm- 
 dentilla, a lady something in years, to be 
 in love with him, and to have murdered 
 his son-in-law Pontianiis, 
 
 But this malicious prosecution gave oc- 
 casion for him to defend himself before 
 3IaximuSf in an oration of a considera- 
 ble length, which is yet extant, and 
 bound up with his other works. He 
 there tells us that Sicinius ^milianus, 
 for fear of being punished for a wrong 
 and unjust prosecution, had entered a 
 libel in the name of Sicinius Pudens, the 
 son-in-law of Apuleius, yet almost an 
 infant, which would not be admitted by 
 Maximus, but he ordered him to bring 
 the accusation in his own name. 
 
 Apuleius in his answer clears that east- 
 ern philosophy called magic, from the 
 ignorant imputations of the vulgar, and 
 himself, against the insinuations of Ton- 
 
APULEIUS. XI 
 
 nonius Puclens, the advocate of the plaiii- 
 tif, whose objections were so foolish 
 and trifling, that they surprize the reader 
 with wonder, that a proconsul of Africa 
 should have patience to hear them. They 
 object that when he came to Oca, the 
 residence of Pudentilla, he had but one 
 servant, that afterwards he had three 
 freemen at a time. Nay, they accuse 
 him of having his face clean, using a 
 looking-glass, and the like trifles, which 
 they supposed might reflect on him, as 
 deviating from the duty of a philosopher. 
 They insinuated, that he gave a great 
 price for certain fishes ; had given 
 JPudentilla a sort of fascinating letter, 
 and the like, which Apuleivs with ease 
 and address refutes, and exposes as 
 highly ridiculous, in the proof of his 
 practising an unlawful magic. 
 
 Though he has thus acquitted himself 
 of the magic laid to his charge by Sici- 
 nius ^milianuSy yet, says a certain wri- 
 ter of his life, he declares himself in his 
 Metamorphosis more than once to be a 
 mighty lover of that art. But this seems 
 
Xii THE LIFE OF 
 
 a very trifling conclusion, which would 
 draw a proof of a reality and opinion 
 from a book of fancy, a fable of pleasure. 
 Apuleius in the introduction to his 
 Golden Ass, does not only tell you his 
 great inclinations to magic, but even his 
 credulity in its incredible power. But 
 this author does not consider, that Apu- 
 leius having to write a book of the trans- 
 formation of himself into an ass, was 
 obliged, as much as possible, to prepare 
 the credibility of the fact by relations of 
 wonders of this nature done in Thessaly, 
 always famous for Witches and magical 
 charms. In this he has followed Lucian 
 in the main, though he has heightened 
 it by some particulars which gives it the 
 p-reater air of truth. Thus he listens 
 with all the attention, and the greatest 
 assurance of believing to what Aristomenes 
 tells of the extravagant fate of his friend 
 Socrates; and justifies the possibility of 
 the events, that happened to him by the 
 Meroe, by the account of what he himself 
 had seen a juggler do publicly in the 
 streets at Athens. Because all this was 
 
APULEius. xni 
 
 necessary to prepossess the reader in fa- 
 vour of his own JMetamorphosis into an 
 ass, by the mistake of Fotis in the magi- 
 cal ointments of her mistress Pamphila^ 
 
 But continues my author, he had the 
 same reputation in the time of TertuUan, 
 St. Austin, and others of the old fathers of 
 the church ; and that he was a disciple of 
 Apollonius Tyanccus, and other masters in 
 magic, whose miracles the heathens have 
 pretended to have been greater and more 
 numerous than those of our Lord and 
 Saviour. 
 
 This seems so far from being an au- 
 thority in this case, that it is only built 
 on the vulgar opinion, which easily makes 
 a conjurer of a man of more than ordi- 
 nary parts and learning, who was noted 
 for his curious enquiries into nature, hav- 
 ing examined the writing of Aristotle 
 by experiments of his own, and wrote 
 books both in Greek and Latin on the 
 nature of fishes and their several kinds, 
 manner of generation, and the like ; the 
 dissection of which gave the ignorant an 
 occasion of thinking him a magician, 
 
Xiv THE LIFE OF 
 
 as the dissection of other animals had 
 given the people of Ahdera a notion that 
 Democrltus was mad. 
 
 It is no wonder, that if, when he was 
 alive, these things gave ground for a pub- 
 lic accusation, the rumour might in- 
 crease and spread after his death ; from 
 which the fathers might borrow their 
 notion. Nay, when he came before Clau- 
 dius MaximuSy he plainly declares, that 
 he does not credit those common notions 
 of the powers of magic; and doubts even 
 the prognostication of the prophetic boys, 
 whether in nature possible or not. And 
 this passage in his apology would persuade 
 me, that his being a follower of ApolloniuSj 
 is either a mistake in the fathers, or that 
 he did not follow him on account of won- 
 ders that he worked ; for the seeing such 
 incredible things done by art, could 
 have left no room for any doubt whether 
 they could be done or not. Besides, the 
 Platonists had too noble an idea of God, 
 to apply to the devil for any thing, and 
 Apuleius has not only wrote on the pla- 
 tonic philosophy but upon the demon of 
 
APULEIUS. XV 
 
 Socrates, both whicli tracts are still ex- 
 tant and bound up with his works. 
 
 This is suflicient, I hope, to clear our 
 author from the imputation of the black 
 art, of which he only made use as a ma- 
 chine to convey the satire he designed, 
 with the greater face of probability. 
 
 From Apuleius we gather more of his 
 cotemporaries, for he mentions Severia- 
 niis the proconsul of Africa, and his son 
 Honorius, who was his lieutenant ; Stra- 
 bo JEmilianus of Numantia, his school- 
 fellow, to whom he seems to have dedi- 
 cated his book ; and the poet Clemens, 
 who wrote the actions of Alexander the 
 Great in verse. 
 
 Apuleius wrote a great deal in prose 
 and not a little in verse, many things in 
 Greek, and not less in Latin. The greatest 
 part of which have perished by the injury 
 of time. Those which have reached to our 
 time are the following : Eleven books of 
 the Metamorphosis, or the Golden Ass, the 
 ground work of our present entertainment. 
 His apology or Oration about Magic. His 
 book of the World. Five books of the 
 
XVI THE LIFE OF 
 
 Opinion of V]3Lto, ov of Philosophy ; the 
 first of Natural Philosophy, the second 
 Ethics, and the third Rational. His book 
 of the God of Socrates. His Florida. His 
 sportive verses translated from Theander. 
 
 The following are those, only whose 
 names, and some few fragments, we could 
 get out of the writings of the old gram- 
 marians. 
 
 Many copies of verses, among which 
 there were not a few amorous epigrams, 
 epistles, a book ^de Ludicris : of Pro- 
 verbs, of Ti^ees ; of Numbers ; of the Com- 
 monwealth ; Table Talk; of natural Ques- 
 tions and of medicinal ; Hermagoras i. 
 Hermagoras ii. A translation of Plato's 
 Phcedo. An Epitotne of History ; an 
 Hymn and Dialogue on J^sculapius. His 
 Oration on account of the statue that 
 was to be set up to him in Oca. 
 
 Thus much I have to say of this Apu- 
 leius who was author of the JMetamorj^ho- 
 sis. I shall only add for the information 
 of our little critics, that Apuleius very 
 
 * What these Lihri Ludicri were, is yet undecided. 
 
APULEIUS. XVll 
 
 well distinguished his subject, and there- 
 fore adapted his style to the nature of 
 it; the style of his Golden Ass is ex- 
 tremely luxuriant, it being to clothe the 
 child of fancy, which is always gay 
 and gaudy. But in his apology he 
 adapts it justly to the bar. In his phi- 
 losophical works it is proper for the di- 
 dactic, and in his Florida it is concise 
 and historic, and I do not doubt but 
 that he observed the same beauty of dic- 
 tion in all those works of his that are 
 left. But our modern wits and authors 
 are generally so injudicious, as to keep 
 the same invariable style, let their subject 
 be what it will ; and yet are so happy 
 as to get reputation by their ignorance, 
 though indeed it must be owned, that it 
 is only among the ignorant ; yet since 
 that is a party of figure and power, it 
 proves a great discouragement to men of 
 art and genius, that follow the ancients, 
 nature and reason. But thus it will be 
 till some man of capacity, and perfect in 
 true policy, shall rescue learning and 
 merit from its subjection to fools ; but 
 
:^ 
 
THE 
 
 NEW METAMORPHOSIS ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 ^f)t PeaiBfant Craitisformatfon. 
 
 THE FIRST BOOK. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Of the country, parents, birth, education^ person^ 
 temper, a?id inclination of Fantasio, and of his 
 leavifig his native country and arrival at Rome. 
 
 1 HE following surprising adventures of my 
 life may happen to start a curiosity in the 
 reader, of knowing something of my person, 
 my parents, my quality, birth, inclinations, 
 and education. To anticipate therefore his 
 inquiry, I must inform him, that my name is 
 Funioso de la Fantasia, or for brevity, Don 
 Fantasio ; a family as reputable as any in 
 the whole delightful province di Pamasso. 
 My grandfather (the first of this brancli of 
 Vol. 1. B 
 
2 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 the Fantasia of which I am) was Signor Lu- 
 ciano d'Asino, my father Apuleio d'Asifio d'oro, 
 my mother was Donna Musa del Inventione, 
 daughter of Signor Giudici de la Fantasia, all 
 of the same family and celebrated country. 
 
 Nature, however favorable she has been 
 pleased to be to my mind, has not been very 
 expensive and prodigal in the materials of 
 my body. But I have found no great cause 
 to complain of her parsimony in my bulk, 
 since she has had so great an eye to propor- 
 tion and use. And while I find a just symme- 
 try of my parts, and a sufficiency to their end, 
 1 am free from the scandal of deformity, and 
 uneasiness of incapacity of any pleasure, which 
 the larger and more bulky part of mankind 
 enjoy. Nay, I have this satisfaction peculiar 
 to myself, to remember the virtuosos and 
 philosophers have always agreed, that the 
 cmming and wisdom of nature, is never so ap* 
 parent as in the inost minute of her productions. 
 
 My mother had the particular advantage 
 of the genuine natives of this clime ; for 
 she brought me forth without any of those 
 raging pangs which are so general in travail. 
 And as my birth gave her no pain, so my being- 
 supplied her with abundance of joy, whilst 
 1 remained under the guardianship of her eye, 
 and the direction of her love ; where still 
 she would have kept me, had not the natural 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 3 
 
 roving of my temper, and the force of my 
 destiny, driven me from her tender and en- 
 dearing embraces, to seek new fortunes abroad. 
 
 My education was prudently adapted to tlie 
 bent of my genius, averse from the barren 
 and knotty trifles of the schools, and only 
 delighted with the gayer and politer doctrines of 
 the niuscs, that were most useful to the form- 
 ing the mind and the manners ; my parents 
 took care to indulge my inclinations, and fur- 
 nish all the advantages of those agreeable stu- 
 dies, which the custom of the place, and the 
 inclination of the people, easily supplied. 
 
 As the delightful province di Parnasso en- 
 joys all the indulgence of smiling nature, so 
 it seldom abounds with the favors of for-' 
 tune. That was a defect which too sensibly 
 affected me ; so that foolishly unsatisfied with 
 the blessings of the former, and as fondly de- 
 sirous of the gaudy curses of the latter^ at 
 the age of eighteen I leave the calmer recesses 
 of my paternal abode, in pursuit of the false, 
 though alluring prospects of cities and courts; 
 and bribed by the hopes of glory and power, 
 I listed myself in the legions of fortune ; 
 grasping already the trophies she promised with 
 faithless assurance to all that adored her. But, 
 alas ! the blind goddess unmindful of merit 
 or justice, betrayed me to miseries as great as 
 surprising. 
 
 B 2 
 
4 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Rome, the proud head of the catholic world, 
 that holds now almost as large an empire 
 over the consciences of nations, as it once did 
 over their persons ; Rome, I say, was the place 
 where I flattered myself I should arrive to 
 that grandeur and wealth, which already 
 my hopes had devoured : for Rome is the 
 marhet, where riches and power are bartered 
 for words, hypocrisy, or cunning address. 
 
 Being arrived in this city, I began to consider 
 where to take my first station, and fix my first 
 step on the ladder of fortune, to mount to that 
 height which my ambition proposed. On a 
 narrow inquiry I found that the Cardinal Can- 
 telmi of the house of Popoii, by the advantage 
 of his posts, had it most in his power to answer 
 my desires : for he was Archbishop of Naples, 
 legate a latere, chief minister of state, and pri- 
 vado to the Pope ; and of interest enough in 
 the same college, one day to seize on the triple 
 diadem. 
 
 The prospect of interest with such a minion 
 of fortune, was too engaging not to stir up my 
 endeavours to get into his family ; but as the 
 first step is the most difficult in making a man's 
 fortune, so all my attempts, without money 
 and acquaintance, only served to let me see the 
 vanity of my hopes ; til chance one day sup- 
 plied by a lucky hit all other defects. 
 
OF LUCrUS APULEIUS. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Being an account of Fantasio' s getting into the fami- 
 ly of Cardinal Cantelrai, and of the festivals of gal- 
 lantry, which the nohlemen of Rome make in the 
 churches for the entertainment of their mistresses^ 
 which brought him to the knowledge of Donna 
 Theresa, the beautiful niece of the Cardinal. 
 
 l^NEASY with my bad fortune at home, and 
 partly to divert the melancholy thoughts tliat 
 might arise from too serious a view, and partly 
 out of curiosity to see the celebrated places of 
 this great city, one day I went abroad, and 
 passing the Piazza Navonna^ my eyes were sa- 
 luted by a magnificent church, called de la 
 Pace. The porch, though adorned with all 
 the art of the architect and the advantage of 
 the purest white marble for its materials, yet 
 unsatisfied with these ornaments, which last 
 all the year long, the priests had hung it all 
 round with a thousand curious pictures of the 
 best masters, and abundance of figures, made 
 in a sort of 7nosaic work (as I may call it) of 
 silk of various colours, after the mode oi Bono- 
 Ilia, which city is exquisite in performances of 
 this nature. 
 
 This pomp of the porch assured me of some 
 solemnity prepared within, worthy the view of 
 
6 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 astranger, and always entertaining to a devotee of 
 pleasure and music. On my entrance I pre- 
 sently found, that all this preparation was for 
 a festival of gallantry, which some nobleman 
 or man of wealth at least, had exhibited at his 
 own charge and expense, according to the 
 custom of Italy; where the admirable music 
 and harmony of ladies, always invited on these 
 occasions, supply the advantages of the ^^^a/res 
 of less sanctified countries. 
 
 This feast was, as I found on inquiry, in honor 
 of St. Theresa: that is, the name of St. Theresa 
 ■was the bawd of Count Luciano*^ addresses to 
 Donna Theresa, the beautiful niece of Cardinal 
 Cantelmi, Archbishop of Naples and favorite 
 of the Pope. For the Saint that is chosen by 
 the gallants who are masters of the festival, 
 bears always the name of their mistresses to 
 ■whom it is in reality devoted, consisting of 
 first and second vespers and masses. For as 
 the painters in their Madonna'^ always copy 
 their most favoured mistresses, so these noble 
 devotees, through the Saint triumphant, con- 
 vey their addresses to the Saint militant. 
 
 A throne was erected exactly against the gate, 
 for the view of all that entered the church. This 
 throne was surrounded with a glorious company 
 of gentlemen of quality, among the foremost of 
 whom sat the Count Luciano, at whose expense 
 this feast was exhibited in honor of St. The* 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 
 
 resa, or rather of the Cardinal's niece, as four 
 other young noblemen had done already in 
 devotion to their mistresses. 
 
 The constant ornaments of this church de la 
 Pace, areas magnificent as most in this city, be- 
 ing painted and gilt all within, and every where 
 adorned with statues worthy observation. But 
 on this extraordinary occasion several triumphal 
 arches were erected, embellished with the re- 
 presentation of the several transactions of the 
 life of St. Theresa; all the figures of the holy 
 history being wrought in silk of various colours 
 by the addobatori, or church adorners, plen- 
 tiful enough all over Itali/, who had been 
 above three weeks preparing this piece of holy 
 pageantry. 
 
 On each side the choir and the throne I have 
 mentioned, a theatre was erected, one for the 
 vocal, and the other for the instrumental music ; 
 each band consisting of fifty performers, besides 
 four solos in a little box near the altar, who 
 were the best voices in Rome. 
 
 Four hundred and forty-five white wax can- 
 dles being now lighted, the music all ready, 
 and the gallants impatient, the welcome message 
 was brought, that the Ladi/ of the day and 
 their wishes, was very near the church ; and 
 the signal being given on her setting foot in 
 the church, they began the first anthem. 
 
 Donna Theresa's arrival gave a new air to the 
 
8 THE GOLDHfN ASS 
 
 faces of the gallants, over which she spread a joy 
 and satisfaction, to balance the uneasy impa- 
 tience they had felt at her delay. It had been 
 difficult for me to have discovered the fair idol 
 of the solemnity, so many ladies entering the 
 church with her, had not Luciano slept from the 
 throne and led her to a reading-desk prepared 
 for her, and covered with a carpet of crimson 
 velvet, surrounded with a deep golden fringe : 
 and a great cushion of the same, most richly 
 embossed, was laid for her to kneel on. 
 
 Her dress was modest, and her head covered 
 with a large black veil, which fell down behind 
 and on each side, almost as low as her feet, 
 and by it, according to custom, her face was 
 entirely hid. But that was an evil she had the 
 goodness and dexterity of removing with a 
 great deal of address ; for under shew of 
 sticking a pin, she frequently made shift to 
 discover to the gentlemen, who eyed her with 
 abundance of desire, some part of her face ; 
 and threw, now and then, as gracious a smile 
 and regard with her eyes, as they could expect, or 
 desire. Thus, though her breasts were covered 
 with the veil, she had the agreeable art, by 
 playing with it regardlessly, to give her admirers 
 an easy and full view of so charming a bosom. 
 
 The music was incomparable, and the an- 
 thems taken out of the Canticles^ were extremely 
 more applicable to the Lady^ than the Saint ; 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 9 
 
 and the picture of the altar-piece, where the 
 mass was to be said the next morning, I found 
 to have the face of the beautiful Theresa. 
 
 About the middle of the prayers, two of the 
 gentlemen took each a charger of flowers, to 
 present every lady with a nosegay of carnations, 
 rose-buds, and orange flowers, tied with a 
 golden twist, to which was fastened a fair knot 
 of ribbon, of about three or four yards. 
 The first was presented to the Cardinal's niece, 
 the sovereign of the day ; and in those flowers 
 I perceived a billet nicely conveyed, which im- 
 mediately, and with abundance of dexterity, 
 she removed to her prayer-book, and there 
 read it ; all I could discover of its contents, 
 was mia diva, my goddess. The flowers 
 were no sooner delivered, but from the gal- 
 leries of the church fell a shower of printed 
 papers, containing the praise of St. Theresa; 
 though that of Donna Theresa was chiefly 
 expressed in the verses. 
 
 Though the music lasted four hours, yet the 
 splendour of the church, of the ladies and 
 gallants, and the exquisite harmony of the 
 voices and instruments, made it seem not half 
 an hour. 
 
 The next morning I returned to the church, 
 no less charmed with the lady than the solem- 
 nity, and placed myself as near her as 1 had 
 the day before. Many abbots and monks said 
 
10 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 mass at the altar adorned with the picture of 
 Donna Theresa, to honor the Count Luciano 
 and his mistress. At tlie beginning of high 
 mass, from the galleries fell down another 
 shower of sonnets, in praise of the Saint and 
 the young nobleman who was at the expense 
 of the entertainment, and was master of the 
 festival. 
 
 It was one a clock before high mass was 
 done, when the ladies retired to their own 
 homes, and the gentlemen and priests to an 
 apartment near the church de la Pace, where a 
 magnificent entertainment attended them ; and 
 the musicians to the sacristy, whither Count 
 Luciano took care to send them large dishes of 
 meat, and abundance of rich wine. 
 
 The notes, that according to custom were 
 distributed about, signified, that vespers would 
 begin exactly at three. I was punctual at the 
 time at my post ; but it was five ere the first 
 anthem began, and the ladies and gentlemen 
 settled in their places. All the difference be- 
 twixt this and the first vespers was, that the 
 anthems were changed, and the ladies, besides 
 the nosegays, were presented with chargers of 
 sweetmeats, with which they filled their hand- 
 kerchiefs. 
 
 While nothing but gaiety and pleasure 
 filled all the place, I found a pain in my breast 
 peculiar to myself. Not but I suppose, I had 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. H 
 
 a great many of that assembly companions in 
 my passion for the charming' Theresa ; but none 
 but myself lay under those difficulties of de- 
 spair, which my person and my circumstances 
 conspired to throw on me. They were all men 
 of quality, and the favorites of fortune, 
 comely and proportioned, and furnished with 
 the advantages of folly and impertinence, to 
 render them agreeable to a wotnan. On the 
 contrary, I was a child in appearance, a beggar 
 in my condition, divided in my mind between 
 ambition and love, and haunted with senti- 
 Dients not slavish, nor trifling enough to make 
 a successful address. It is true, both love and 
 atnbition might find in the person oi Theresa 
 matter enough for my hopes, yet destitute of 
 friends and money, and wanting that necessary 
 impudence, more prevalent with Xhefair than 
 merit or dignity, despair was the only and 
 terrible object of my thoughts. Yet fortune 
 that loves to make a sport of our assurances, 
 and rules with an absolute sway in human af- 
 fairs, turned all my defects to my advantage, 
 and gave me that success which her more hap- 
 py minions sighed for in vain. 
 
 In the midst of my amorous complaints, 
 before the second vespers^ I thus expressed 
 myself in this song made on my present condi- 
 tion : 
 
12 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 SONG. 
 
 1 
 
 O ! Strephon ! 7iever be secure, 
 
 Or think you can retire ; 
 The little god of you is sure, 
 
 Wheree^er he shews hisjire. 
 
 2 
 7/* Acme's charms are out of sight y 
 
 Bright Cliloe's come in view ; 
 And where her eyes dispense their light, 
 
 There's no retreat for you, 
 
 3 
 For Chloe has a thousand charms 
 
 To tcound your tender heart. 
 While you against such pleasing harms, 
 
 Hope no defence or art, 
 
 4 
 
 JFor ah ! like the soft syren* s voice. 
 Your ravished sense she charms ; 
 
 You wish to fall by her bright eyes. 
 And perish in her arms. 
 
 The last ceremony being over, and her 
 flowers and sweetmeats tied up in her hand- 
 kerchief, she laid them on the desk, till she 
 adjusted herself for her departure, and had 
 given the Count Luciano a return for the ho- 
 nors he had done her, while turning too quick 
 at a noise on the other side of the church, she 
 threw down her cargo of flowers and fruit ; 
 they hit me on the head in their fall, and I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 13 
 
 caught them in my arms before they could 
 reach the ground, and with no small eagerness 
 kissing their cover, I met her fair hands, and 
 returned them to Donna Theresa. 
 
 The address of my delivery seemed too gal- 
 lant for my age, which the smallness of my 
 person would persuade not to exceed eleven 
 years ; my hair was of a lovely auburn, and 
 in wanton ringlets fell down my shoulders, 
 while my forehead was crowned with a wreath 
 of smaller curls ; my face though naturally fresh 
 and blooming, was then made more ruddy 
 with a conscious blush of desire and love. 
 As my locks were of gold, so was my com- 
 plexion of alabaster, which received a height- 
 ening warmth from the perfect vermillion of 
 my cheeks ; my eyes w ere black as sloes, and 
 as sprightly as fire, though qualified then by a 
 languishing look on so celebrated a beauty. 
 All together I was an object too surprising to 
 suffer Theresa not to take notice of my person 
 and address. But infinitely pleased with my 
 person and otficiousness, and privileged by 
 my childish appearance, she raised me to her 
 seat ; where she was pleased, by a thousand 
 agreeable questions, to inquire into my paren- 
 tage, circumstances, and name : and finding 
 me a wanderer in the wilderness of fortune^ 
 she promised me her patronage in my addresses 
 to her uncle, the Cardiual Cantclmi, whose 
 
 # 
 
14 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 service I acknowledged myself ambitious of ob- 
 taining. 
 
 The prayers now being over, and ihe fes- 
 tival performed, the young Luciano was not a 
 little proud and delighted with his magnificent 
 discharge of all parts of the solemnity ; and 
 with pleasure in his eyes received the congra- 
 tulatory applauses of all his companions. Now 
 every lady returned to her abode, loaden with 
 flowers and sweetmeats, and what they valued 
 more, the billets and vows of their lovers, 
 for these festivals are the rendezvous of the 
 gay and the amorous; where the ladies, con- 
 fined by a too rigorous custom of the country, 
 by the indulgence of the church, and its useful 
 devotions, uncontroled have the liberty of 
 seeing their gallants and making assignations, 
 and ingeniously contriving how to finish their 
 amours. For as our Italian proverb has it, 
 
 Chi nianda la sua Jigliuola ad ogni festa, 
 inpoco tempo ne fa una putana. That is, 
 
 He that sends his daughter to every festival, 
 in a short time will m.ake her a whore. 
 
 For while the married and single ladies 
 are ranged in their seats on each side the church, 
 the cavaliers walk in the midst, and by that 
 means have the opportunity of looking them 
 in the faces, and of conveying billetdoux into 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 15 
 
 their hands. But I have no cause of quarrel 
 to the hberties and indulgence of the churchy 
 since to that I owed a joy so transporting, as 
 my acquaintance with Donna Theresa, the Saint 
 of my vows, and the agreeal>le inlet to amhi- 
 tio7i and love. For charmed with my conver- 
 sation, so unequal to my seeming years, she 
 took me home \vith her, and with no small 
 earnestness recommended me to the Cardinal ; 
 telling him the events of my fortune, and 
 my orphan condition, as unable to expect any 
 support from my parents. She assured him that 
 he would find something in me extremely be- 
 yond the boys of my age ; and expressed her 
 satisfaction, in tlie hopes, that his Eminence 
 ■would admit me into his train, and her pro- 
 tection. 
 
 The Cardinal was not a little surprised at 
 my discourse ; pleased with my person, and 
 indulging his niece's innocent inclinations, he 
 easily admitted me into his family, and gave me 
 in charge to the beautiful Theresa, 
 
16 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTER in. 
 
 ^n account of the pleasure and luxury of the Cardi- 
 nal's house, and the agreeable prospect of success 
 to his fortune, till love intervened and lost him 
 in a passion for the beautiful Theresa, niece to 
 the Cardinal ; and his greater distress in the Cardi- 
 naVs infamous passion for him. 
 
 The splendour and luxury of the Cardinal's 
 palace gave me a bewitching- earnest of those 
 joys I desired. Grandeur and atfluence went 
 round in a circle, and every hour was crowned 
 with pomp and with pleasure ; whilst each satis- 
 fied that appetite, which variety created, and en- 
 joyment could not destroy. 
 
 Happy in such blessings, with pity I looked 
 down on the insipid retreat of my parents ; and 
 smiled at their choice of a lazy inactivity, inca- 
 pable of giving delights so transporting as cities 
 and courts. Applauding my judgment in quit- 
 ting that supinity, I hugged myself in the 
 thought of my lucky resolve, which had brought 
 me to pleasures I could never else have known, 
 and gave me of greater so charming a view. 
 
 Here fortune seems to have declared on my 
 side, in placing me directly in the road to perfer- 
 ment, where I might have given a loose to my 
 ambition, since imagination could scarce form 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 17 
 
 any thing so extravagant, that I might not have 
 some hopes of from the fondness of the Car- 
 dinal, and the indulgence of his niece. But 
 fate, that had designed me for adventures more 
 uncommon, and destined me to misfortunes 
 peculiar as extraordinary, roused up that fire of 
 love so inconsistent with ambition and glory. 
 To this end, she made use of the height of my 
 favor to begin my disasters, while Theresas 
 eyes, and those other charms, which the privi- 
 lege of my place and appearance discovered, 
 smoothed the easy way to the precipice down 
 which I must fall. For though ambition put in 
 no small claim to my heart, yet the national folly 
 of my country commanded the greater share ; 
 for few have been born in the province oi Par- 
 nasso, who have not betrayed so peculiar a ten- 
 dency to LOVE, as to surrender all other consi- 
 derations to its satisfaction : an amorous constitu- 
 tion being the natural product of the place. 
 
 How was it then possible for me to see 
 perpetually the dazzling beauties of Theresa^ 
 without a passion proportioned to the cause, 
 which was every day heightened by the liberties 
 she took, of dressing and undressing before 
 me ? Who, without agonies of desire, couM 
 see breasts round, and hard as an apple ; a 
 skin whiter than the driven snow, sufiii^^ed 
 with a glowing warmth, that brightened the co- 
 lour and heightened the temptation, softer than 
 
 Vol. I. C 
 
18 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 tlie down of swans and sweeter than all the 
 balmy spices of Arabia ; legs turned with all 
 the exactness of proportion ? in short, every 
 limb and part so perfect, that had she sat to 
 Apelles, she had saved him the pains of consul- 
 ting so many several beauties to finish the pic- 
 ture of the bright Queen of Love ^ Theresa dXoue 
 had been sufficient to rise up to the height of 
 the painter's idea ! 
 
 You may easily imagine what fires such sights 
 as these were able to create in matter so suscep- 
 tible of the flame as my heart. It cannot be 
 expressed how I burnt with continual and ar- 
 dent desires to possess such beauties, that would 
 corrupt St. Francis himself, in spite of his 
 refuge in his wife of snoio. 
 
 The liberties she allowed me of tender cares- 
 ses, was a vain solace, that only increased my 
 desire: for under the notion of a child she 
 believed all her permissions inoffensive. How 
 oft have I sighed on her breasts, and panted 
 with pleasure with my lips cleaving fast to 
 her gently heaving bosom ; without any sus- 
 picion of my ability of satisfying a passion 1, 
 seemed to be possessed of before the age of ac- 
 complishment. 
 
 All the relief I found was now and then by 
 venting my passion in verse, which yet I durst 
 not shew to Theresa, lest they might make a 
 discovery that might rob me of those charming- 
 liberties, which were given to my impotence. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 19 
 
 This ode I made one day when I retired from 
 those visions of beanty, which only served to tor- 
 ment, not make me happy : 
 
 ODE. 
 
 1 
 
 Lesschormhig was the Grecian dame, 
 Who lighted vith her eyes the JJame, 
 That set the Trojan towers oijire, 
 And made proud Ilium in the blaze expire. 
 
 Less charming Leda was^ though iove 
 Unsafe J\om her bright eges above. 
 Confessed her poicer, and owned his love. 
 And, while the swan, the god belies. 
 The fort he seizes by surprise : 
 But the tumultuous Joys she feels. 
 The loved, divine impostor soon reveals. 
 
 Had Venus 7cith my Ctplia strove, 
 
 For beauty^ s prize in the Tdalian grove, 
 
 She had born the apple from the Queen of Love. 
 
 Her present beauties had so charmed the boy. 
 
 He had hoped no distant, no adulterous joy. 
 
 And sought no Helen, but preserved hisTvoy. 
 
 I had not ))een long in the family, bnt as I 
 perceived myself touched with the charms of 
 Theresa, so I found my self attacked by the ful- 
 some and brutal inclinations of the men. Alexis 
 ■^ c 2 
 
20 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Bathyllus^ Hylas, nay, and sometimes Cupid, 
 was my name, in their mouths. But that which 
 gave me the greatest uneasiness, was that 1 
 found the Cardinal himself not exempt from 
 that abominable gusto. Him only 1 had cause 
 to fear, both from his power, and from 
 my lying in a bed in his anti-chamber. 
 Had he been now as violent, as I afterwards 
 found him, here the scene of my imaginary 
 paradise must have shut up ; and I must infa- 
 mously have sunk under his desires, or felt his 
 resentment for a refusal, which might have 
 put an end to my life and my hopes all at 
 once. 
 
 But as yet the foul passion only played 
 about his heart, and it was not so violent as 
 to conquer his business; the multiplicity of 
 which at that time engrossed his hours too much 
 to allow any to pleasure. 
 
 But fortune once more smiling in my dis- 
 tress, moved Donna Theresa to take me with 
 her, as a diversion of her solitude in her re- 
 tirement to a Villa of the Cardinal's, near Ti- 
 voli, about fifteen miles from Rome^ and from 
 whence you have a prospect, not only of that 
 city, but of the beautiful country all around. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 21 
 
 A description of the Villa of Cardinal Cantelmi at 
 Tivoli : and an account of Theresa's going into the 
 bath and Fanlasio's admission to divert her with his 
 discourse. 
 
 The FzV/a of Cardinal Cantelmi having' a lofty 
 situation, has an agreeable view of all the Campa- 
 nia of Rome. The house is of the Ionic order, 
 and a square figure; and though adorned with 
 many rarities of art, the gardens draw the admi'- 
 ration of all strangers. For being on the side of 
 a hill, there are four rows or degrees of descent, 
 each furnished with cascades, grottos and wa- 
 ter-works of admirable art and variety. The 
 Yiver Anio, which runs behind this hill, being 
 admitted by secret conveyances, cut through the 
 rocks of the mountains, supplies all these gardens 
 with water ; for the gardener, by turning a 
 great cock, lets in as much as is sufficient for the 
 fountains, cascades, grottos, girandola, and 
 all the other exquisite water-icorks. Hence is 
 made a most spacious fountain and stairs of 
 water, which directs your eye to a walk two 
 hundred paces in length, adorned with frequent 
 little stone fountains and basins on each side, 
 which fill your ears with pleasing murmurs, 
 casting out little jets of water as you pass along. 
 
22 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 On theturninga great cock above, at once such 
 store of wind and water issues out to the great 
 girandola below in the grotto^ that it makes a 
 perfect imitation of thunder, hail, rain, and a 
 mist. Here is a statue of a centaur, which 
 winds the horn which he holds to his mouth 
 in perfect good measure ; there sits Apollo on 
 mount Parnassus, and being surrounded with 
 a circle of nine muses, form a symphony of wind 
 music, while the thorough bass is played on an 
 hydraulic organ. 
 
 From the portico you enter a large quadran- 
 gular court, in each angle, supported by ionic 
 pillars, stands a statue of Fortune on the wing ; 
 the action so just and natural, that they seem 
 spurning, as it were, the voluble ball, on which 
 they only seemed to have stood for the advantage 
 of the rise ; for their motion was so lively, 
 that you could not persuade yourself that they 
 were tixed, but flying. 
 
 In the midst of this quadrangle stood a vast 
 rock of white marble, cut out into various repre- 
 sentations. The first figure, which fronts the gate 
 as you enter, is the statue of Diana, a piece of 
 admirable perfection ; her garments loose, and 
 flowing and driven back, as it were by a con- 
 trary wind, discovered an action both lively and 
 strong, and full of the venerable majesty of the 
 goddess. On each side of her stood, or, I may 
 almost say, run her beagles in couples ; their 
 eyes seemed to menace, their ears stood erect, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 23 
 
 their nostrils stretched out wide, and their mouth 
 open with so natural a fierceness, that should any 
 barking- happen near them, you would swear 
 that it came from these beagles of stone. And 
 that which seemed none of the least piece of 
 mastery in the carver, was, that as they were 
 cut in the act of running, while with breasts 
 erected their fore feet seemed perfectly to run, 
 the hindermost, fixed to the stone, seemed to stop 
 their career. Behind the goddess, the marble 
 rock rising higher in the form of a cave, or 
 grotto, was covered with moss, grass, leaves, and 
 sprigs — here it was shaded with young vines, 
 Avhose curling tendrils twined about the spring- 
 ing and flourishing shrubs, that fill up the land- 
 scape ; — there the brightnessof the marble cast a 
 gloomy sort of light on the hollow of the grotto^ 
 Round the extremities of the rock wandered a 
 charming foliage, from whence depended in clus- 
 ters all manner of fruit, as apples, grapes, necta- 
 rines, and the like, so curiously finished and po- 
 lished, that emulous art seemed to have equalled 
 nature herself ; while it deceived the eye into a 
 belief, that some of them ripened by the autum- 
 nal] beams of the sun to their just colour and 
 bigness, were fit to be pulled by the hand. 
 
 Then casting down your eyes into the stream, 
 that tumbling down the rock, seemed gently 
 to glide into the murmuring flood fast by the 
 feet of the goddess, you would find them so de- 
 
24 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 luded by the happy art of the carver, as 
 to be persuaded they saw the depending 
 branches of the vines receive an imaginary 
 motion from the current of the stream into 
 ■which they hung. Jn a corner of this piece, 
 overshadowed with leaves, you discover the 
 statue of Acteon, curiosity and earnestness sat 
 visibly in his eyes, while with impatience he 
 waited the entrance of Diana into the foun- 
 tain, disrobed of her clothes, and naked to his 
 view. 
 
 Lost in admiration of these admirable won- 
 ders of art, my charming mistress taking me by 
 the hand ; Come, my child, said she, lohy 
 dost thou entertain thyself with the weak mimic- 
 ry of ART, who art thyself such a wonder of its 
 original nature. Come up along with me, it 
 is time to refresh ourselves after the fatigue of 
 our journey ; you shall have time enough to con- 
 template all the ornaments of this Villa, during 
 this month^s stay here at Tivoli. 
 
 Saying this, she led me up a magnificent 
 stair-case of the finest marble, porphery, and 
 jasper ; the rails of curious brass work, and 
 gilded with gold. On the walls were paintedthe 
 loves of Dido and JEneas, even to the cave 
 and the storm, which met us at the landing- 
 place on the top of the stairs. The painting was 
 strong and lively ; yet the painter seemed to me 
 guilty of a blunder, when in the various figures 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 25 
 
 of Dido and jEneas, all within our view, 
 there was no resemblance or likeness in their 
 faces. 
 
 Thence we past by the saloon, to an apart- 
 ment allotted for Theresa, where, fatigued 
 with the journey and heat of the day, being 
 thrown on a couch, her maids undressing her 
 head and lovely body, discovered such charms, 
 that tilled my eyes with pleasure, and my face 
 with blushes of warm desire. Being near un- 
 dressed, she ordered ray gown to be brought, 
 and me to be undressed, that 1 might be more 
 cool. I obeyed her, but sighed to see her retire 
 to the bath without me, leaving only to imagi- 
 nation what the waters concealed. 
 
 I had not been long undressed, and thrown 
 on the couch more uneasy with the pain of 
 desire, than the fatigue of the journey, but 
 the maids coming out, brought me orders to 
 repair to their lady, who designing a while 
 to indulge her pleasure in the bath, had a 
 mind to divert the time the more agreeably 
 with my innocent prattle. I obeyed with more 
 pleasure than I durst yet discover, ravished with 
 the thoughts of being so near the naked beau- 
 ties of my charmer, where my greedy eyes 
 would be but faintly excluded from a full view 
 of her person, by so transparent a veil as the 
 water. 
 
 The bath was made of various depths, ac- 
 
26 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 cording to the person or use that was made 
 of it ; on the farthest side from the entrance was 
 a couch of marble, on which one might He with 
 nothing but the head above the water. There 
 it was 1 found the charming Theresa extended at 
 full length, with one arm thrown over her head, 
 and her sprightly eyes full of languishing desire, 
 while her face covered all over with a conscious 
 blush, promised to the happy man that thus 
 could attack her no obstinate resistance. Be- 
 yond this watery couch the margin of the bath 
 is raised about two foot ; where she bid me lie 
 down and divert her with some pretty story as 
 I was wont. 
 
 Though my heart was too full of the charms 
 that were so near me, to be pleased with diverting 
 my thoughts to a story that was foreign to 
 my wishes, yet I was not less inclined by 
 choice, than by duty to obey her commands. 
 Having therefore thrown myself down by her 
 on the margin of the bath, with my hands 
 folded in hers, I gave her the following re- 
 lation. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 27 
 
 The history of the fatal loves of Don Frederic and 
 Catalina 0/ Toledo. 
 
 Don Frederic of Toledo was a man of admirable 
 accomplishments of person and mind. He 
 was proper, well shaped, and active ; danced 
 and sung, and rode with all the grace of the 
 court. Besides these advantages, he had a 
 wit ready and sprightly, and furnished with 
 all the charming arts of fine persuasion, that 
 might win those ladies to his pleasure who could 
 resist the beauty of his person. Don Frederic 
 had a country house in a village about two 
 leagues from Toledo, whither he often retired 
 in the heat of the summer to loose himself 
 from company and business in his grottos and 
 
 shades. 
 
 There lived in that village an old gentleman 
 called Saiicho, of a fortune broken, and a family 
 not very antient or noble. However, Don 
 Sa7icho having only one daughter, the beautiful 
 Catalina, by his wife Donna Elvira, a woman 
 of a haughty temper and family of quality, 
 lived in this retirement with as much repu- 
 tation and satisfaction, as a man could take 
 in sufficience, when he had thrown off all 
 thouglits of ambition. Catalina was his only 
 
28 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 comfort, and Catalina was his only care. 
 How to dispose well of her in marriage was the 
 subject of all his considerations. But being 
 able to give little or nothing in hand, all 
 her fortune lying in uncertain reversion, few 
 matches presented agreeable to his wishes or her 
 desires. 
 
 She was young and beautiful, tall, slender, 
 and straight as an arrow; but had a heart 
 more lofty than her person, full of ambition, 
 self-opinion, and violence. The merit she 
 had in her body was a snare to her mind, per- 
 suading her, that all things were due to her 
 beauty. The gardens of Don Frederic were the 
 most curious of any in Spain; so that when 
 he was at Toledo, the master gardener gave 
 free toleration to Donna Catalina to divert 
 her solitary hours with so pleasing a prome* 
 nade : and for her greater convenience, she 
 had a key to a back-door, which was not ma- 
 ny steps from that of her father's. No notice 
 being given of Don Frederic's unexpected ar- 
 rival, Catalina having wandered round the 
 walks and parterres, was retired in the heat 
 of the day into a lonely grotto, and there fell 
 asleep. This happened to be the very place 
 where Don Frederic used to pass an hour or 
 two every day, when he was in the country ; 
 and hither he passed (the gardener being out 
 of the way) without any notice of the family. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULE1U9. 29 
 
 Th<? couch on which Catalina reposed, was in 
 a nich of the grotto, obscure by its depth, and 
 the shadow of the banks, that rose all around it. 
 A fountain that supplied a small bath exactly 
 fronts it, in which Don Frederic frequently 
 washed himself, especially soon after his arrival 
 at the Villa. Prepared therefore for this he comes 
 only in his gown, which soon thrown off he 
 plunges into the water ; the noise awaked Ca- 
 talina into a terrible surprise, which suffered her 
 not to move from the place where she lay ; Don 
 Frederic immediately came out naked in her 
 view, again to throw himself into the bath, which 
 wasoftoocold a nature tosuffer him toremain in 
 it above two or three minutes at a time. Having 
 repeated this exercise about four or five times, 
 rubbing himself dry, he put on his shirt and his 
 gown. 
 
 You may imagine what a condition poor Ca- 
 taliiia was in, to be found alone in so solitary a 
 place, where she had no right to be, and at the 
 opening her eyes saluted with a sight so agree- 
 able, yet so unfit for the view of a maid ; and yet 
 such, as could not be seen without admiration 
 of the symmetry of the parts. What to do she 
 could not tell, nor what course to take in this 
 distress. To fly she could not, without passing 
 by the very thing, she would not be thought to 
 have seen. To stay there she exposed herself to 
 his mercy, or at last to his assaults, which might 
 
30 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 not be without some affront to lier modesty. At 
 Jast she came to a resolution of lying still, and 
 counterfeiting- that sleep he had driven from 
 her by his coming", since this might keep her 
 from his observation, or at least secure her from 
 the imputation of having beheld what she should 
 not have seen. 
 
 Don Frederic being now wrapt up in his 
 gown, came directly to the couch where Catalina 
 was laid, with her face hid with her veil, and 
 seemingly asleep. Don Frederic s anger (on 
 supposing it one of his own domestics, who 
 had placed herself there to spy on his retreat) 
 raised her something roughly, but she seeming 
 to start from profound sleep, discovered a sur- 
 prise and a beauty that charmed and amazed 
 him. He made an apology for his rudeness in 
 disturbing her repose, and she for intruding 
 into his garden, by her ignorance of his being 
 in the country, for she should not else have ex- 
 posed herself to his censure, and her confusion. 
 But he assured her that heblessed the indulgence 
 of his fortune, that by so pure an accident had 
 brought to his sight the most beautiful lady in 
 Spain : nor could he suffer her to depart, till 
 she had given him some assurance of another 
 opportunity of offering her a heart insensible till 
 then of the passion of love. 
 
 It would be tedious to repeat all the refusals, 
 and struggles betwixt desire and honor, which 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. Si 
 
 she found in her breast, or to tell you with what 
 seeming- reluctance she suffered herself to be 
 compelled to sit a few moments to hear the amor- 
 ous complaint of Don Frederic. His tongue 
 and person were too bewitching to leave Cafa- 
 Una indifferent; and after an inundation of vows 
 of constancy and honor, she allowed him the 
 first freedoms of a fortunate lover, and in the 
 midst of a thousand kisses promised him a 
 second heariiig. Thus swelled with vain hopes 
 of marrying a Grandee, and pleased m ith the 
 beauty of his person, she retired through the 
 back-door to her own garden. 
 
 But Cataima, as wounded as she was, had 
 not yet lost in the soft passion of love, the cun- 
 ning of a designing woman, who would turn 
 all things to her interest and advantage. She 
 was too pleased with her conquest not to endea- 
 vour to fix it, and by the difficulty of seeing 
 her she hoped to heighten his desire, and so win 
 him to marriage, to satisfy a passion she had re- 
 solved not to gratify on more reasonable terms. 
 
 Frequently would Don Frederic walk near 
 the wall of her garden, and with his voice and 
 g-uitar make his songs plead that love, which 
 was denied a more near and secret advocate 
 to argue. He sung too well, and played too mas- 
 terly, not to blow up the fire that was already 
 too well kindled in the bosom of Catalina. So 
 that unable to act a false severity any longer, bv 
 
32 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 a billet thrown over the wall, she appointed the 
 next even ingfor a second interviewin his garden. 
 The time is come, and Don Frederic impatient 
 waits ready at the door to catch her in his arms 
 as she entered. 
 
 He was all on fire when he saw her, trans- 
 ported when he touched her ; and unable to 
 support the violence of a passion which so much 
 beauty had inspired, and so much cruelty hither- 
 to denied the power of accomplishing. You 
 may imagine nothing was wanting in him to 
 finish the affair, and it was with no small 
 difficulty she then escaped the fury of his em- 
 braces ; while force without, and treachery 
 within had very near betrayed the garrison of 
 her pride to suffer a storm, which else she might 
 have prevented. But pride and honor ral- 
 lying, drove back the enemy, wliile she sprung 
 from his arms and run to the door, but not able 
 to open it before he had overtaken her, she 
 protested she would cry out unless he let her 
 depart from a rudeness that had taught her to 
 think of him no naore, unless he could secure 
 her of not passing the terrible boundaries of 
 honor. 
 
 Struck w ith despair at an anger that seemed 
 too sincere to carry any thing of disguise, he 
 humbled himself to his knees, and with adying 
 despondence in his eyes vowed solemidy, for the 
 future honor only should be the guide of his 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 33 
 
 conduct, if she would forgive his past madness, 
 and continue the favor of her conversation. 
 We easily believe what we wish, and it is im- 
 possible for a heart concerned in the cause to 
 give a judgment impartial, since passion is a 
 bribe too prevailing for any one to resist. Thus 
 Catalina corrupted with the seeming sincerity of 
 his vows and assurances, promised to meet him 
 again the next evening. She kept her word, but 
 would not be so confident in his to venture with 
 him into any covered walk, or arbour, and he 
 unwilling to alarm her fears and mistrusts, 
 ceased to press what seemed so disagreeable. 
 Kisses, and tender pressings of the hand, and 
 stolen caresses, with vows of love and con- 
 stancy were suffered in open air: which thin diet 
 was all the food of his love and desire, till his 
 conduct had given her confidence enough to ven- 
 ture with him anywhere. 
 
 These kisses and embraces, and the near 
 conversation with the object of his wishes, were 
 too warm to let his thoughts of enjoyment 
 expire ; yet he was so admirable a master of 
 dissimulation, that he perfectly concealed all 
 the eagerness of his passion under the gentlest 
 pressures of her soft hand and kisses as modest 
 as love could allow. Having continued this 
 conduct now near a fortnight together, and 
 traversed all the solitary paths of the garden, 
 without any offer like those at the beginning of 
 
 Vol. I. D 
 
34 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 the amour, she ventured one night into a grotto 
 remote from the house, and out of ear-shot from 
 any of the neighbours, being in a grove about 
 Ihe midst of the garden. There he had prepared 
 a collation for her, and only one servant attended 
 at a distance, who only served to give her the 
 more confidence to descend into a place else so 
 dangerous for two young lovers to enter. 
 
 The collation being ended, and the rich wine 
 drank off, he ordered his servant to fetch him a 
 bottle of fine cordial, absolutely necessary after 
 so plentiful a desert of fruit. This was his cue 
 to return no more. The servant being gone, 
 and the table removed, he takes her by the 
 hand, and so walks up and down, protesting 
 how infinitely he was struck with her charms, 
 that it was impossible to live longer without 
 her; and that if she would not, with a barba- 
 rity too cruel for so tender a bosom, have him 
 perish before her, she must not use him with 
 all that rigorous reserve which she had hither-; 
 to affected. 
 
 Not giving her time to reply, he stopped her 
 mouth with kisses and run over her bosom with 
 fingers transported till for want of breath the 
 struggling nymph fell back on the couch, where 
 first she had seen this fatal Don Frederic. She 
 bit, she scratched, she tore, and exclaimed ; 
 but all in vain, the eager cavalier pushed on his 
 fortune, and now almost possessed of the fort, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 35 
 
 she got from his arms ; but he soon recovered 
 his prey, and with all the soft endearing ac- 
 tions and words assaults her resolution. She 
 presses marriage, he makes no doubt of the 
 terms, assuring her with oaths that on the 
 death of his mother he would make good his 
 promises, not being able in her life to dispose of 
 himself without a fortune, but with the loss of 
 his own. Pride, ambition, and love now unite, 
 and she melts with his vows by degrees, strug- 
 gling every moment less and less, as he mul- 
 tiplied assurances of marriage and constancy. 
 
 Possessed now of all he could desire, there 
 nothing remained but to repeat the blessing 
 as oft as he could. In the intervals of bliss, re- 
 serve being now thrown aside, in one of his ec- 
 stasies, Don Frederic sung this da capo of an 
 Opera : 
 
 Oh ! Love I how pleasing are thy chains, 
 For there alone true freedom reigns ; 
 My torments pant overpaid I find 
 While fortune smiles, and you are kind. 
 Oh ! Love / how pleasing are thy chains ! 
 For there alone true freedom reigns. 
 
 Catalina who had no ill voice, and who was 
 acquainted with music, replied with another 
 near her case as she imagined : 
 
 Ah ! how sweet it is to find 
 
 The lover i« the husband's arms ! 
 D 2 
 
36 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Choice and dtUy, thus combin*d^ 
 
 Flow with everlasting charms ; 
 Ah ! how sweet it is to find 
 
 The lover in the husband's arms ! 
 
 The interview concluded in music and love, 
 till the hours now summoned Catalinas depar- 
 ture, which was accompanied with tears, sighs, 
 embraces, and promises of a speedy return. 
 
 This intrigue thus continued for the space of 
 near half a year without interruption. But 
 then Don Fredericks mother having provided 
 him a wife of considerable fortune and beauty, it 
 was as impossible for him to tell it to Catalina, as 
 to prevent it if he would. But the fickleness of his 
 temper, and the bribe of so great a fortune, soon 
 put an end to the joys of the unlucky Catalma. 
 
 Though his absence grew tedious, yet the dis- 
 tance of their quality and the place of her abode 
 from Toledo^ and the want of a confident of 
 her amour, concealed for a while his infidelity 
 from her ; but his absence continuing, and 
 his silence alarming her, she made some in- 
 quiry of the master gardener about him, and of 
 him heard the ungrateful news of his marriage 
 to another, and her own destruction. The 
 gardener not knowing what his master's marriage 
 was to her, was infinitely surprised to find her 
 swoon away on the news. Being come to her- 
 self she excused the event, by assuring him, it 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 37 
 
 was a common accident with her, especially be- 
 fore any ill luck ; and therefore to prevent the 
 ill omen, she would immediately retire to her 
 father's house. 
 
 Being returned home, she retired to her 
 chamber and gave a loose to the rage of her grief. 
 Oh ! perfidious^ perjured villain^ said she, is it 
 thus you love me f Thus you keep your vows P 
 And must you hear off the trophies of my ruined 
 honor thus calmly^ and without resentment ? 
 No! no! Don Frederic, thou shaltnot triumph 
 over a wretched maid whom thou hast undone by 
 her fond credulity in thy vows and oaths ! 
 Nothing but thy blood can expiate thy crime : 
 and that thou shalt be sure of from this injured 
 hand. But oh ! I love him stilly and how can 
 I stab the heart I love P 
 
 The rage of love is tender still, 
 Mingling sweetness with its fires. 
 
 The heart it may with fury swell. 
 But never cruelty inspires, 
 
 I will therefore send to him, I will upbraid 
 him, and if he be really so false will kill him. 
 But sure it is impossible so many perfections 
 should lose their lustre in perjury and treachery. 
 It must be impossible ! Frederic must yet be 
 true, and all my murdering thoughts have 
 been unjust- 
 
S8 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Hope, the seducer of my heart. 
 
 Does gentler thoughts inspire^ 
 ^nd with a kind deceiving art, 
 
 Augments my amorous Jire. 
 Hope, the seducer of my heart, 
 
 Does gentler thoughts inspire. 
 
 Thus racked with despair, love, and rage, she 
 long argued with herself, till too much con- 
 Tinced of her misfortune by all hands she gave 
 herself over to her passion. 
 
 Though love had no small share in her dis- 
 traction, yet pride and ambition had their part. 
 She was in a rage with indignation at her being 
 left for another, and robbed in a moment of all 
 that imaginary grandeur which she had already 
 devoured. Rage, despair, grief, love, hate, con- 
 tempt, pride and ambition, made a medley war 
 in her bosom at once; and had not fate preserved 
 her for the punishment of her perjured lover, 
 she must have perished on the spot. But having 
 now vanquished a sickness, that had held her 
 some weeks, she soon recovered her complex- 
 ion and strength, with the thoughts of a speedy 
 revenge, with which she would not so much 
 as trust her father or mother ; but admitting 
 none into her confidence but an old nurse of 
 hers, who suckled her in her infancy, she sets 
 out privately for Toledo, where being arrived 
 she is conducted to a convenient lodging for 
 her purpose, by the venerable governant ; 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 39 
 
 and there by her artful and flattering letters 
 she prevailed with him to make her a visit. 
 
 The time being appointed she makes all 
 things ready for his reception, and to give him 
 a treatment the fierceness of her outrageous 
 malice thought just. Don Frederic approaches 
 with a graceful despondence, and answered all 
 her reproaches with a temper, that would have 
 abated the rage of any but Catalina. He 
 avowed his love still as great, his desires far 
 greater, and accused the cursed severity of his 
 fortune, that put him under a necessity of obeying 
 the rigid commands of his mother ; that he 
 looked on himself as her husband, and should 
 always respect her as his true wife, till fate 
 more indulgent than hitherto it had been, 
 should set him free to follow the dictates of his 
 own choice. 
 
 Catalina too fixed in her resentment and 
 revenge, took all that he uttered as false a dissi- 
 mulation, as all his former vows and assurances 
 had been now found. Resolving to encounter 
 falsehood with falsehood, she seemed soon a little 
 appeased, and by degrees seemed convinced of 
 the weight of the reasons, and the necessity that 
 had compelled him to do what he had done. Nay, 
 she pushed her deceit to such an extreme, 
 as yield to his embraces in false transports, 
 when they were really more odious to her, than 
 ever they had been dear. 
 
40 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Being therefore in bed, and after the dal- 
 liances of repeated desire had now left him 
 fast asleep, her rage unappeased by all those soft 
 endearments keeps her awake, and by the help 
 of her nurse ties him down to the bed, and 
 with a furious stroke stabbing him in the breast, 
 she was not content with his death, without 
 upbraiding him, and triumphing in her ven- 
 geance as he was expiring ; betwixt every 
 word giving fresh stabs, nor was the outrage 
 at an end even after he was dead. 
 
 But this death of Don Frederic coiild not be 
 so concealed as was expected by the actors in the 
 tragedy, who were betrayed by the house, and 
 his servant, that attended him thither, so seized 
 and put to death, which brought Catalina*s old 
 father in sorrow to his grave. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 41 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 The adoeyiture of the hath, how Signer Fantasio got 
 the possession oj' his mistress Donna Theresa, and 
 what follotced that success. 
 
 Mv dear little Cupid, cried Donna Theresa, 
 finding that I had done my story, icith what 
 a inanli/ air hast thou told this tragical tale. 
 How sensibly didst thou talk of the transports 
 of love ^ and all the accesses of its dissolving rap- 
 tures, as if by some miracle thou hadst known 
 what they were. Oh / my dear little mijiiature 
 of man, that thou wert as capable of easijig my 
 pains as thy tongue has been of raising them ! 
 And grasping me Avith some eagerness on that 
 sudden ejaculation I tumbled into the bath with 
 my gown on. She started up at the accident, 
 and caught me with her arms, to secure me from 
 being frightened at the fall ; and pulling off my 
 gown and my shirt, threw them aside, and ring- 
 ing the bell she bids the maids take them and 
 dry them, and ordered me to stand still in the 
 bath, which would do me no harm but refresh 
 me after my journey. 
 
 The maid being gone she placed me by her 
 side on the step to the couch, but kept her arm 
 round, for fear I should fall any farther. As sl:e 
 gave me a thousand kigses so she suffered my 
 
42 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 hands to wander wherever I pleased, which 
 gave an insipid sort of satisfaction to both, though 
 it only served to raise our mutual desires. I 
 sung her this song, and used all the liberty she 
 gave my seeming innocence to rouse up her 
 wishes to their utmost extent : 
 
 SONG. 
 
 1 
 
 »^h ! how sweet to see the eyes 
 
 Rolling in their humid fires ! 
 When the nymph extended lies 
 
 Full of love, and warm desires ! 
 Conscious red her face overspreading, 
 
 And her heaving bosom rising, 
 Milky paths to raptures leading, 
 
 Murmuring sighs her joys disguising, 
 Happy lovers only know 
 
 The bliss that from consenting loversjlow. 
 
 2 
 
 Listen then to young desire. 
 
 Nor with your pride against your bliss conspire. 
 Desire like a faithful friend 
 
 Persuades substantial pleasure ; 
 Like chymic boasts your pride will end 
 
 In meer imagined treasure. 
 Then sure the strife you'll soon decide, 
 
 (What can your scruples move ?) 
 Betwixt the sickly glare of pride 
 
 And generous warmth of love, 
 
 Miad scarce done ray song when she caught me 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 43 
 
 in her arms and cried out, 3Ii/ dear little crea- 
 ture, were the gods of old Rome still in fashion, 
 I should swear thou xccrt Cupid, come to rijie 
 my charms in the pleasiiig disguise of a hoy. I 
 love you more, replied I, //«aw Cupid could do, 
 and pressed her bosom nith my fingers as 
 hard as I was able. It is not impossible, continued 
 I, for beauties such as yours to work greater 
 miracles than all the heathen brood of imao-i. 
 nary deities. Which having given my heart so 
 fierce aflanic, may supply the capacity of ap- 
 peasing its rage, which could not else be expected 
 from my person and appearance. 
 
 Infinitely pleased with the flattery, and moved 
 by a strong' imagination, she lifted me up in 
 her arms and threw me on her bosom, when she 
 soon made the discovery of the miracle I pro- 
 mised, finding me indeed sufficiently capable of 
 easing both her desires and my own. Her wan- 
 ton hand unsatisfied with what she felt, run over 
 my naked body scarce yet convinced of her error 
 till unable to defer the joy, and unwilling to give 
 her time to recover her surprise, I easily took 
 possession of a fort that was not provided for 
 a siege. 
 
 Quick, and more quick her panting breath expires^ 
 Ber tongue wants force to utter her desires. 
 She left the welcome story to her eye. 
 Where humid f res were seen suffiis'd xcith joy. 
 The sting of love nowfxt within her breast, 
 Passive she ties, and waits the toelcome rest. 
 
44 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Having- often repeated the effort to convince 
 her increduHty, she laid me at last vanquished 
 on her panting snowy bosom. What dream is 
 this fs2i\d she in some ecstacy^* my charming 
 little Cupid that I have had 1 for it is impos- 
 sible it should be real. What pleasures, what 
 unexpected raptures have I felt, which no mor- 
 tal could impart ? Thou sure art some diviner 
 power transformed into flesh and blood to sur- 
 prise us with joys, which without thee it is impos- 
 sible for woman to know. 
 
 After a thousand fond caresses and frequent 
 assurances of my mortality, that I was a man of 
 eighteen years of age and capable of answering 
 her warmest desires, she seemed transported, 
 the pleasure being heightened by the novelty, 
 and charged me to keep my good fortune a 
 secret from all the world. Besides, she assured 
 me, that for the future I should be her constant 
 bedfellow, secure from scandal and suspicion, 
 by the false appearance of my person. She told 
 me, she should now be as jealous and fearful of 
 the women, as I had been of the men, and there- 
 fore her bed should be our security from both. 
 
 Now leaving me on the watery scene of her 
 pleasure, she got out of the bath, and rose a no 
 less charming Venus, from this little bed of 
 waters, than the fabulous Aphrodite from that 
 of the ocean. vShe left her warmer Adonis full 
 of satisfaction, and pleasure in this fortunate ad- 
 venture ; and having dried her lovely body. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 45 
 
 she veiled it with lier shift and Iier gown, and 
 went herself for the robes to dress me her dar- 
 ling. But my gown not being yet dry, she 
 brought me u shirt, and my cloaths, and lifting 
 me out of the bath, with eyes yet incredulous, 
 she could scarce believe my visible credentials of 
 manhood. She kissed me all over, and vowed she 
 had never seen a sight so amazing, so complete 
 and delightful as the admirable harmony of my 
 parts and proportion. Seating me in her lap 
 she dressed me with her own charming hands, 
 she led me into the saloon to a collation that 
 waited our coming, where with rich wine and 
 viands we recruited the pleasing expenses of 
 love. The ceiling was painted by Guido Rheni, 
 and the walls hung with the admirable pieces of 
 Caratche, and Raphael, Correggio, and Titian, 
 and two or three of Bona Rata. 
 
 During the month of our stay at the Villa 
 near Tivoli, we took care to give our joys 
 agreeable variety, and let no moment glide by 
 us, without loading its downy wings with some 
 pleasure or other. Love, musick, and poetry had 
 their tunis; and whenever chance, or company 
 separated our persons a few moments, our 
 thoughts were never asunder. 
 
 This Avas ihe zenith of my good fortune, and 
 being made for pleasure, it was a folly to expect 
 ought beyond it. I was possessed of the greatest 
 beauty of Italy, just in her bloom, fifteen 
 
46 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 winters not yet having passed over her head ; a 
 lady of the first quality of wit. In the midst of 
 the inquisitive eyes of naercenary spies enjoying 
 the full gust of love in perfect security. I was 
 courted by the men-servants, fondled by the 
 maids, and blessed with the warmer and more 
 charming embraces of my lady, her favourite 
 confessed . 
 
 But all human grandeur and happiness 
 stands on a very slippery bottom : while fortune 
 takes a malicious pleasure by a capricious turn 
 to whirl .the minion of yesterday from the 
 topmost spoke of her wheels to the lowest to-day. 
 But of all happiness, that is the most frail that 
 depends on the various humour of woman, and 
 of a young woman, nay of a young woman of 
 quality^ the very epitome of all the follies and 
 vices of the sex ; for their titles furnish them with 
 the vanity of excelling all other women in 
 lewdness and inconstancy, as if their quality 
 supplied all other defects. 
 
 The month was scarce expired before I found 
 a sensible decay in the violence of Theresas 
 passion, every enjoyment rendering her pleasure 
 more languid ; while my flame rather increased 
 by possession. But returning to Rotne, the 
 change of the scene gave a new edge to her 
 inclinations, as acting under a greater restraint. 
 
 I was welcomed with no little pleasure by 
 the old Cardinal, and the rest of my humble 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 47 
 
 servants of that family. To remove all my fears, 
 Donna Theresa s importunity prevailed for my 
 continuing her bedfellow ; for I was a little 
 apprehensive of the attacks of his eminence 
 whose flame my absence had rendered more 
 violent. 
 
 Being retired with Donna Theresa to her 
 cabinet, and all the company withdrawn to 
 their apartments, having permitted some soft 
 dalliances which I could not defer ; she opened 
 her scrutoire, and looking out some papers, let 
 fall a miniature, which 1 snatching up found 
 to be the picture of a beautiful youth. When 
 demanding with some concern who the happy 
 man was, whose portraiture she admitted to her 
 closet, with a kiss she assured me, that I need 
 not be jealous of the original or envy his fate: 
 for though happy in his love, yet he lost his 
 dear life in the pursuit of his amour. 
 
 I pressed her to give me an account of the 
 unfortunate lover, which she promised to perform 
 on the morning's return, when sleep had refreshed 
 her, and made her able to go through with the 
 history. So to bed we went, where placed in. 
 the ivory pale of her arms, and on the sweetest 
 bosom in the world, I revelled in pleasure, as 
 long as I was capable of giving or receiving any 
 joy. The low ebb of love being come, in the 
 midst of soft kisses we both fell asleep. 
 
 The morning returning, I first escaped from 
 
48 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 the image of death, and with kisses and soft 
 caresses gently drove away the drowsy leaden 
 god that too long usurped the finest eyes in the 
 world, and having paid our morning devotions 
 to Cupid, we slipt on our gowns, and went into 
 the closet to satisfy my impatience to hear the 
 mournful tale she had promised to relate. She 
 took from her scrutoire the picture I mentioned, 
 and several papers relating to her amorous affairs, 
 and sitting down by me on the couch and casting 
 a languishing regard on the picture, she gave 
 two or three sighs, and let fall a pearly shower 
 of tears, which added a new but a melancholy 
 beauty to her face. I sucked up the balmy drops 
 with the greedy thirst of love, and smothered the 
 rising sighs with the fury of my kisses. When, 
 Ah ! my charming Cupid, said she, far, far be 
 this unfortunate lover s fate from thee! behold a 
 cruel victim of these beauties, for wJiich he fell 
 in a most barbarous manner eveti in my arms. 
 Not by m,y severity but the bloody revenge of 
 iny uncle the Cardinal, who finding him in iny 
 bed, with an obduracy unheard of, was deaf to 
 all my piteous cries and prayers for his life. 
 
 Here again she wept a beautiful flood, and 
 fixed on the picture a thousand burning kisses. 
 Ah ! Madam, said I, you m.ake me envy his 
 fate who even beyond the grave can give you 
 this concern. Who would not die to be embalmed 
 in those tears! and affect so inestimable a heart 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 49 
 
 171 SO tender a manner P I swear to you, my 
 divine charmer, by your beauty I grow jealous 
 of that shadow, and beg your generosity to lay it 
 aside ; and if the original must entertaifi your 
 thoughts, let it be by relating his glorious 
 catastrophe ; for to fall for the most perfect of 
 all womankind, merits our envy more than our 
 pjty. How many Greek and Trojan heroes fell 
 in the ten years* contest for Helen, who could 
 never be mistress of charms so commanding as 
 Theresa discovers in every part P While the cause 
 that they fought for, and the valour she inspired^ 
 has given them an immortal fame among the 
 demi-gods. 
 
 Thou sweet little flatterer (said she) / liave 
 done; the image of the poor unfortunate 
 Casanatta shall rest in my drawers, while I give 
 thee the tragical history of our amours. But the 
 affairs of others being so intermixed with mine, 
 that they cannot be separated without laming 
 the narration, I cannot help mingling their 
 pleasant adventures, with his, that are so melan- 
 choly. 
 
 Vol. T. E 
 
50 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The history of Donna Theresa, of her birth and 
 education, shewing her to be the daughter, not 
 niece, o/* Carrfi«a/ Cantelmi, her amour with Count 
 Luciano, son to the Duke of Metalone, one of the 
 Jlrdenti of Naples, loith the letters and verses that 
 passed betwixt them, 
 
 I MUST first inform thee, my dearest Fantasio^ 
 (continued Theresa) that instead of being the 
 Cardinal's niece, I am his daughter. For while 
 he was yet Bishop of Fermo, a ship of Malta 
 brought into Civita Vecchia a Turkish mer- 
 chantman, which he had taken. Among the 
 captives of this ship was my mother, a beautiful 
 Greek slave, that was passing from the Morea to 
 Egypt to her father, that was there a factor. 
 The Cardinal happened to be in that port on 
 some business of the Pope's, and had no sooner 
 cast his eye on the beautiful Greek, but he was 
 wounded with love, and soon agrees with the 
 Captain of the Maltese for a price ; and having 
 placed her at a convenient house in Bononia^ 
 he took such opportunities of conversation, that 
 she yielded up her charms, and received the 
 Cardinal by a kind of duty, as her master to 
 her bed : from whence sprung your Theresa. 
 A few years she bred me, and when she died 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 51 
 
 the Cardinal loving my mother extremely, took 
 a particular care of the daughter, the only 
 pledge of their love. Being grown up to twelve 
 and he now Archbishop of Capua, he took 
 me home, as daughter to his sister, and his 
 niece. He spared no cost for my instruction, 
 in all that was fit for a woman of quality to 
 learn ; and was so fond of me, as to give up 
 the reins of my conduct to my own childish 
 will. But yet careful of protecting my inno- 
 cence from the treachery and surprise of those 
 whom my beauty might inflame to the assaults 
 of my honor; he placed as a guardian, or go- 
 vernante at a distance, an old decrepid, anti- 
 quated maid, who never having had charms 
 enough to provoke an address in her youth, was 
 as watchful as Argus to prevent the pleasures 
 she could not enjoy in her old age. 
 
 She had a low forehead, beetle brows, great 
 goggle eyes, high thin nose, and a chin that 
 turned up to meet it, hollow cheeks with the 
 bones sticking out like excrescences, a hunch 
 back, swarthy skin, no breasts, but in their 
 place two flabby empty yellow bags that hung 
 down before, one leg shorter than the other, 
 and a breath that would kill at a distance. 
 Yet with all these defects and deformities, her 
 discourse was perpetually of her virtue and 
 the quondam conquests of her eyes, and the 
 
 E 2 
 
52 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 resistance she had made against the most vigor- 
 ous onsets of a perpetual succession of lovers. 
 
 Though this discourse were an infallible argu- 
 ment of her zeal for her sex, yet the vices, the 
 falsehoods, the treachery, and the perjuries of 
 man, was the peroration of all her harangues. 
 The extravagance of her humour would some- 
 times entertain me, for I never admitted her 
 but to divert me. For though her charge was to 
 be watchful of the avenues of the palace, her 
 commission extended not to invade my pri- 
 vacies within, or to raise any uneasy jealousy 
 in me, that I was under any constraint. 
 
 I was now turning of fourteen years of age, 
 and full as ripe for love as any of my sex in 
 Italy^ drawing perhaps an amorous constitution 
 from both my lather and mother. For those 
 who are got in the liberty of desire, are doubt- 
 less more gay and more vigorous, than the 
 dull product of the formal embraces of a hus- 
 band and wife, which has given me a per- 
 petual aversion to that imperious animal called 
 a husband, who, as far as my little observation 
 can lead me, seems like the dog in a manger, 
 or the misers of the age, Avho fondly hoard up 
 bags of gold from the world, which they have 
 no capacity nor will to enjoy. 
 
 The Cardinal was now translated from Capua 
 to Naples^ and dignified with a Cardinal's hat, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 5S 
 
 which drew several considerable persons to ap- 
 ply for my heart. Among the rest I was 
 persecuted with the addresses of the Count 
 Luciano^ son to the Duke of Mctalonc^ who 
 is no disagreeable person, as you may remem- 
 ber, having' seen him at the church dc la Pace, 
 where I first was charmed with the pretty 
 Fatitasio, little thinking what a snake I warmed 
 in my bosom. His person is inclined to the 
 larger size of men, his hair brown, his face 
 manly, his age about twenty-five, his wit al. 
 lowed by all the virtuosi of all the Italian aca- 
 demies, and himself a member of that of the 
 Ardenti in Naples. And had his address 
 been any thing but matrimony, I believe he had 
 been more successful. But tliat, which made 
 him the more acceptable to the Cardinal, ren- 
 dered him less so to me; ambition had a share 
 in his satisfaction, while mine was only in love 
 and liberty. 
 
 The first time he saw me Mas in the chapel 
 of the Domo, where the Cardinal sung mass, 
 and a great concourse of people were got 
 together to see the miraculous liquifying of the 
 blood of St. Januarius. It happened that our 
 devotion or curiosity had placed us very near 
 the operation, and to take a fuller view 1 had dis- 
 covered my face pretty plain ; which J presently 
 found had rivalled the Saint in the contempla- 
 tion of Count Luciano. 
 
^ THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 The next day I received this letter and copy 
 of verses from him by a messenger, which I 
 believe may be worth your perusal; for though 
 1 was not very fond of the votary, 1 had some 
 regard to the victim. 
 
 Theresa thus gave me the following letter and 
 verses, which I read to this purpose : 
 
 LETTER I. 
 LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. 
 
 " If, Madam, you know your own charms, 
 " which few women are unacquainted with, 
 " you will not wonder that one sight of those 
 " conquering eyes, should engage a heart so 
 " sensible of perfection, as mine. I confess, 
 " that I am not easily subdued ; nay I with 
 " vanity boast, that nothing less beautiful 
 " than yourself could give me any concern; 
 " but not to be vanquished by you, is rebelling 
 " against reason, fieaven has set so visible a 
 " stamp of itself upon you, that not to adore 
 " you would be a sort of impiety. Consider 
 *' yourself well then. Madam, and you will easily 
 " believe my professions sincere ; and that it is 
 " impossible to see you and not love you. — 
 " But, alas! if you should view yourself with my 
 " eyes, if yon should really know your own 
 " charms, as well as I, it must be my ruin ; for 
 *' you then would be sensible that nothing mor- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 55 
 
 tal could deserve you. Be like the heavens 
 you represent, and let love be your purchase. 
 If I might hope that I could not long despair ; 
 for oh ! I love beyond all human kind ! 
 Peace has forsook my thoughts, sleep has fled 
 my eyes, and nothing remains to keep nature 
 alive, but the reflection on those charms, 
 that ravished my eyes from the miraculous 
 blood. As you are fairer than all your sex, 
 so be more just and compassionate. It is 
 more worthy the excellence of your beauty to 
 bestow happiness, than misery. Without 
 your pity I am the most miserable of men, 
 but with it I should not envy the glory of 
 crowns : but words are too poor to express 
 your beauty and my love ; and nothing but 
 experience, and my life spent in your service, 
 can ever let you know the least portion of 
 my passion. Disdain not therefore a love, 
 which none but you could inspire or re- 
 ward, and only I could receive. You 
 know your power, and you know your slave, 
 let your rule be as pleasing as your eyes, 
 and then I shall be fond of my captivity as 
 long as I am, Madam, 
 
 " Your devoted Slave, 
 
 " Luciano.^' 
 
 In this were inclosed the following verses : 
 
56 . THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ON THE SIGHT OF DONNA THERESA. 
 
 Thus once astonished stood the trojan swain 
 
 (Confounded with the pleasure and the pain) 
 
 When he beheld in the idalian grove 
 
 Minerva, Juno, and the Queen of Love. 
 
 £ut all these three bright goddesses I fiyid^ 
 
 In Angelina's nobler form combined. 
 
 Force, majesty, awe? euery softer grace / 
 
 Whole heaven's confessed in her diviner face, 
 
 Jill round she darts the glories of her sky, 
 
 Its thunder and its lightning from her eye. 
 
 And where the pointed flashes fall, we die. 
 
 J felt the bolt transfix my trembling heart. 
 
 And still Ifeel the painful pleasing smart ! 
 
 I, who so long had arm'd my stubborn breast. 
 
 And made the boasted force of eyes a jest ; 
 
 1, who could ne^er amidst the sparkling round 
 
 Of earthly goddesses yet meet one wound; 
 
 J, who through crowds of beauties pass each day. 
 
 Surveyed unhurt the *ring, the *park, the *play ; 
 
 Where ivith design the haughty dames resort. 
 
 To vanquish men, and make our hearts their sport : 
 
 I by one single glance, and undesigned 
 
 The utmost fury of love's anger find. 
 
 Revengeful Cupid there in ambush lay. 
 
 Sure from those eyes to make my heart his prey. 
 
 The sullen boy not with one ivound content. 
 
 In that one glance a thousand arrows sent, 
 
 * In the original it is theCorso, and the Church, but I thought 
 it more proper to make it English. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 57 
 
 Which made a thousand breaches in my heart, 
 
 JJnd Jixed a fatal shaft in every part. 
 
 From every part a thousand loves arise, 
 
 Strony as her beauty, charming as her eyes, 
 
 Hold Cupid, hold I I can rebel no more. 
 
 Thy royalty I own, confess thy power ! 
 
 I never saw thee on thy throne before ! 
 
 True, I have seen thy dubious shadoiv play 
 
 And gambol in the inoffensive ray 
 
 Of feebler eyes, the twilight of her day. 
 
 The doubtful light thy deity concealed, 
 
 And not till now teas all the god repealed. 
 
 Ah ! from such eyes could' st thou still speed thy darts 
 
 All would confess the sovereign of all hearts. 
 
 All would icithjoy, thy willing subjects prove. 
 
 And all would then be peace,yor all would then be love. 
 
 Having done the letter and verses she pur- 
 sued her discourse in this manner. I took 
 no notice of the letter, nor sent him any 
 answer, till he had repeated the importunity 
 so often, that I sent him the following billet. 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 1 wonder at your impertinence, that to please 
 yourself should take such a world of pains to 
 be troublesome to me. If you think me fond of 
 gallantries of this nature, I can only convince 
 you of your error, by assuring you that yours 
 has not found the way to be agreeable to me. 
 I therefore desire you to teaze me no more, but 
 
5 8 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 suffer me to enjoy my own innocent pleasures 
 without any farther interruption ; which I be- 
 lieve you affect more to shew your wit tha7i 
 your love. 
 
 Finding rae still, in spite of all his billets 
 and poetry, very averse to his amour, he re- 
 solved on another course: and causes his pre- 
 tensions to be made known to the Cardinal, 
 who was not a little satisfied with the honor, 
 assuring him of all his interest in the case ; 
 not that he would ever force my inclinations, 
 but would allow him a more than common 
 liberty of access, to render his amour the more 
 easy passage to my heart. I was not a little 
 surprised to see the Cardinal one evening in- 
 troduce him, nor could I be so much mistress 
 of my resentment as to hinder an angry blush 
 from spreading over my face on his approach. 
 The Cardinal recommended him as a person 
 fit for, and worthy of my love, and with a 
 tone that expressed both authority and ten- 
 derness, let me know, that to please him ex- 
 tremely, I must endeavour to like the noble 
 Count Luciano for my husband. 
 
 The Cardinal left us together. And though 
 the treachery he had used in applying to the 
 Cardinal to obtain, what his own assiduities 
 and services ought to have gained him, made 
 me resolve never to have him, yet I gave him as 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 59 
 
 civil a reception, as could be expected at the first 
 interview. 
 
 The visit being over, I retired to my closet, 
 and spent the rest of the evening- in reading Pe- 
 trarch^ and Guarinis Pastor jido. Early the 
 next morning I received this letter from the 
 Count : 
 
 LETTER II. 
 
 FOR LOVE AND MARRIAGE. 
 
 " It is impossible to wait all this livelong day 
 " till the evening (before which I am not to be 
 " so happy as to see you) without conversing 
 " with you by letter. For while I cannot hear 
 *' the most charming tongue in the world, it is 
 " some amends to entertain the most beautiful 
 " eyes in the universe. If, Madam, you could 
 " really have any doubt of my passion on one 
 " sight ; sure it is impossible to continue so 
 " groundless an incredulity, after I have had a 
 " nearer and longer view of your charms ; when 
 " both my eyes and my ears conspired to let 
 *' your perfections of body and mind into my 
 *' heart by every avenue. \i one could not have 
 " been insufficient, yet a force so irresistible 
 " joining must render me the most passionate of 
 " men. To see you, is to view the finest copy of 
 *' heaven that nature ever drew : but to hear 
 *' you is to participate of heaven itself. If my 
 
60 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " soul felt before the growing pangs of a love 
 " newly born ; think now, and reflect what 
 " must be the agonies I feel. To see you 
 " without desire is impossible, but to desire 
 " without hope insupportable. Ah ! too 
 " charming and too cruel maid ! how could 
 " you continue so long incredulous of a passion 
 *' too visible in my eyes, and too evident in my 
 " confusion to suffer you to be ignorant of it. 
 " But you tell me you cannot love; that you 
 " will not marry. Two hateful bars, I con- 
 " fess, to my happiness, which, if I cannot re- 
 " move, I must remain the most loving and 
 " most miserable of men. But, Madam, sure 
 " you cannot be sufficiently acquainted with 
 " the secrets of your heart ; when in it you 
 " discover no seeds of that passion. Nature 
 " could never be so preposterous to make you 
 " so every way for love, and yet destroy the very 
 " aim of her fine workmanship by denying you 
 " love. Is it possible, Madam, for any one 
 " to imagine, who is not your enemy, that 
 " you were made for the curse of mankind, 
 " when we see you adorned with all those per- 
 " fections, which only can make up this bles- 
 " sing P Love, my everlasting charmer, love 
 " 25 nature's voice ; the soul of the world, its 
 " origin, and preservation. Not to lOve, there- 
 " fore, is an impiety you cannot be guilty of, 
 " since it is a sin against nature, against your 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIU9. 61 
 
 '< own Iiapplness. For she, who never loved, 
 " never knew the greatest joy of hfe, its most 
 *' solid and most transporting pleasure. She 
 " loses all ihe Jleeting and never again return- 
 " /wo- minutes of swift winged time in a dull in- 
 " sipid circle of trifles, unknowing of the lively 
 " joy of hearts united. You must therefore, Ma- 
 " dam, nay, you will love, though you love not 
 " me. — It is true, and I confess it, a true, sin- 
 " cere heart full of you, and full of love is all the 
 " merit I have to plead, 1 frankly own I cannot 
 " deserve your person, or your love ; but then as 
 " justly grant me, that those gay qualities, which 
 " usually make the hearts of the young and the 
 " unexperienced their prize, deserve you less. 
 " Love has some claim to love^ but those have 
 " none ; yet even my love, though the greatest 
 " that ever inspired man, cannot deserve you. 
 " No, no. Madam, whenever you bestow your- 
 " self it must be an act of generosity., not of 
 " right in him that receives you. This opi- 
 " nion. Madam, is sufficient to ensure your 
 " happiness with me ; for while I must be 
 " sensible that I receive you from your gene- 
 " rosity not my desert, I must always be paying 
 *' a gratitude for a benefit I am always enjoying: 
 " while he that is so vain as to plead his own 
 " merit, will take you as his due, and so 
 *' exert a dominion which I shall ever be far 
 " from claiming. — But since you must love, 
 " my dear charmer, receive the agreeable pas- 
 
62 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " sion as a blessings not a curse. If you re- 
 " fuse it when young, it will come on you 
 " with double violence when you are old ; and 
 " if you deny your heart to sincerity and truths 
 " it will fall a victim to perjury and hypocri- 
 *' sy. You seem apprehensive that marriage 
 " would be the period of your freedom of will, 
 " indulged to you from a child ; but how can I 
 " ever think of opposing that %dll, to which 
 *' I must owe all that is valuable in the world. 
 " No, no, dear charmer, you have too strong 
 *' an ascendant over my soul, to fear any 
 *' period to your empire but my life. — But you 
 *' say you never will marry — good heaven avert 
 *' the infamous omen ! Pray, tell me why ? Sure 
 " you have looked on marriage through the 
 " wrong end of the perspective; turn it, view 
 *' it better, and you will like it better. — Con* 
 " sider. Madam, is life worth the possession, 
 *' without a partner in our affairs ? joy is 
 " imperfect while confined to one breast, and 
 " grief insupportable ; this would be lessened 
 " and that be exalted by imparting it to a 
 " true friend. But where can a true friend 
 *' be found, but where interest as well as 
 *' persons are joined. How many trials are 
 " every day made in vain among the fair for 
 " this phenix P But in the midst of their dear 
 " confidences, levity, jealousy, interest, or re- 
 *' venge, bursts the curious web asunder, and 
 «' then all the confided secrets fall out in 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 63 
 
 '• their most hideous form and dress. But the 
 *' innocent and young, like you, are always 
 *' dealing with disadvantage ; while you bring 
 " undesigning sincerity to barter with experi- 
 " enced cumiing and self ends, till repeat- 
 " ed infidelities produce a rupture, and you 
 " are at last taught, at your own cost, that 
 " the friend you have still sought in vain, 
 " can only be found in marriage. But should 
 " you choose a male friend, though the corres- 
 " pondence might be innocent, yet Mill the 
 " censorious world never allow those tender 
 " commerces, wholly disentangled from the 
 " difference of sex ; and desire first or last 
 " will be sure to blow up all the fine plato- 
 '* 7iic notions, while those made an easy way 
 *' to more criminal engagements. Then fol- 
 low satiety^ inconstancy, and a foolish repe- 
 " tition of all the very same infidelities and fol- 
 " lies an hundred times over; and all to no 
 " purpose ; for no true and lasting friendship 
 is to be found till marriage discovers the 
 " agreeable secret, and at once comes in with 
 *' the quarry, which in the long chase we pur- 
 *' sued to no purpose. The benefits of mar- 
 *' na^care too many to crowd into this letter; 
 *' but all centre in this—If you choose a man 
 " of sense, and one that loves you, you cannot 
 miss a faithful friend, and an empire perpe- 
 tual. A fool is obstinate, and ungovern- 
 
64 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " able, but men of sense have still been vassals 
 " to the fair ; and thus far I can put in my 
 " claim, that I shall never aspire to more, than 
 " always to be 
 
 " Your faithful slave." 
 
 I found by his not coming that day some 
 extraordinary business had taken him up, which, 
 as I found, was a visit to his mother, who was 
 suddenly taken with a desperate illness in her 
 Villa, and expecting only death, sent for him 
 immediately. But the next morning on his return 
 he could not wait till his visit in the evening, and 
 therefore sent this letter to prepare his way. 
 
 LETTER III. 
 
 " My adorable Angel, 
 
 " For you are too charming for any thing 
 " mortal, /wrote to you yesterday, and though 
 " I design to throw myself at your feet this 
 " evening, yet it being an age to that time, / 
 " cannot delay talking to you so long. As my 
 " mind is ever full of you, so /cannot be easy 
 " till / unburthen my thoughts. Ah ! most 
 " charming and most cruel of your sex, what 
 " will you do with me ? for it is only in your 
 " power to dispose of my fate to happiness or 
 " misery ; there is no medium, one or the other 
 " must be my share. Why have you so many 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 65 
 
 *' beauties to destroy, and so little pity to save ? 
 
 *' It is impossible any man can love you more 
 
 *' than I, why then should you make any man 
 
 " more happy ? You must, nay, you will yield 
 
 " all those beauties to the arms of some one 
 
 " who will not, cannot love you as I do. 
 
 " What shall I say ? what shall I do to make an 
 
 " impression on your obdurate heart ? Oh ! 
 
 " that 1 but knew the approaches to the tender- 
 
 *^ nesses of your soul, that I might melt you into 
 
 " compassion for him that sighs and dies for 
 
 " you, for 1 cannot live without you. No, dear 
 
 " charming idol of my soul, as I can have no 
 
 *' happiness but what you give me, so can I 
 
 " have no other life but what you bestow ; for 
 
 *' what is life where there is no happiness, but 
 
 *' a torment and lingering pain which no man 
 
 " of spirit can bear. Alas ! Madam, if you cannot 
 
 " aiford a reality, disguise your cruelty so that 
 
 ** I may flatter myself that you are not entirely 
 
 " insensible — Ah no be rather cruel as you 
 
 " can be, than appear what you are not ; that 
 
 " would keep me in the road of despair, but 
 
 " this would shew a dawn of happiness, only 
 
 " to plunge me into greater wretchedness. Let 
 
 " me be rather all wretched than half hlest. But 
 
 " if you can afford a reality, ah ! keep it not too 
 
 " long, lest the effect should be fruitless. Ah ! 
 
 " charming Theresa give me leave to live and 
 Vol. I. F 
 
66 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " love, give me leave to hope, give me leave to 
 *' be as long as I live your faithful vassal, 
 
 " Luciano/' 
 
 It will be too tedious to tell you all the progress 
 of a love so unsuccessful, it affords nothing 
 surprising nor various, a persecution of odious 
 assiduities and attendance, unheeded vows 
 and sighs make up the narration. Let it suffice 
 to know, that in some months address he could 
 not discover that he had made any progress in 
 my heart. So that after a most passionate 
 separation over night, I received this letter from 
 liim the next morning. 
 
 LETTER IV. 
 
 *' Oh ! my everlasting charmer ! what will be 
 
 *' the event of a passion which I am not able to 
 
 *' bear, while you are cold and indifferent to all 
 
 " that 1 say ? I know very well, that prudence 
 
 " would teach me to stifle so unhappy an 
 
 " affection, but how is that possible when you 
 
 " have already got possession of my soul? Yes, 
 
 " yes, you have not only vanquished my heart, 
 
 " but deprived me of all desire of liberty : I 
 
 " am pleased with my bands, though I know not 
 
 ** how to bear tliem ; it is a torture to love you, 
 
 *' and yet it seems a greater to banish that love, 
 " such is the powerful magic of your charms. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 67 
 
 *' Strange witchery of love, that when it 
 *' allows no rest to its votaries, it denies them all 
 " thought of deposing' the tyrant ; no, it rather 
 " furnishes excuses for the slavery, and while we 
 *' are unable to bear the rigour of your empire, 
 *' compels us to make it more firm and lasting. 
 *' My love is already grown so much a part of 
 *' me, that life and that must have but one end. 
 *' Life that my hourly pains make a burthen, is 
 " only desireable in hopes of your pity. Alas! 
 *' I cannot live without you and yet know not 
 *' how to persuade you to be mine. Those 
 " advantages I once contemned as the qualifi- 
 *' cations of fools or beaux, I now wish as 
 " agreeable accomplishments too often en- 
 *' dearing the fop to the fair-one. What are 
 *' you to me now ye bright ideas of imagination ? 
 " and you sublime disquisitions of reason } 
 " what are you to me but an aggravation of my 
 *' passion ? why was I not made a gay thought- 
 " less coxcomb, incapable of all the impres- 
 " sions of love, and so qualified to gratify 
 " all the tranquil emotions of my heart ? Could 
 *' I have less love 1 might have more gallantry, 
 *' I might entertain the most charming of her 
 " sex more agreeably to the gaiety of her temper, 
 " But the violence and sincerity of my passion 
 " robs me of all the gay arts of engaging. Oh! 
 " my adorable fair-one, pity the misery you 
 " have caused, have compassion on the wretch 
 " that you have made ; let me bless, not curse 
 
 F 2 
 
68 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " the hour I saw you, and wish you less 
 *' charming than 1 think you. It is worthy of 
 " your beauty to raise the distressed and restore 
 " me to hope from the depth of despair. Oh! 
 " no, I find it is impossible for me to move her 
 " heart, as cruel as she is beautiful ; yet in the 
 " midst of despair I shall ever remain your 
 " faithful slave, 
 
 " Luciano." 
 
 I do confess, I believe the Count had perverted 
 my resolution, if an accident had not happened 
 which totally defeated all his hopes. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 The continuation of the history of Theresa's /(/e, and 
 her amours with the Baron Casanatta. 
 
 About that time came to Naples from Rome 
 an old acquaintance and schoolfellow of the 
 Cardinal's, Signor Carpegna and his lady, and 
 in regard to their intimacy, the Cardinal's 
 palace was their place of reception during their 
 abode at Naples ; soon after a nominal relation 
 from OtrantOj in the country of Barri, named 
 Faschinetti, arrived with his lady, a man of 
 figure and quality in Otranlo, and of propor- 
 tionable fortune. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 69 
 
 Carpegna was a jolly, corpulent old gen- 
 tleman, of about fifty odd, fresh coloured, merry, 
 and amorous. He had a wife very near forty, 
 but who discovered more than the ruins of a 
 goodfiice, and which gave promises of kindness 
 upon a little application. The plumpness of her 
 person gave her a nearer relation to youth, than 
 she could claim in reality ; altogether making a 
 figure desireable enough to a man of the Car- 
 dinal's age, who wanted not many months of 
 that of her husband. 
 
 Faschinett'i was a meagre, sour, close designing 
 man, turning all things to the bent of his own 
 interest and desires. He was about sixty, and 
 his wife turned of thirty, gay, coquette, and 
 talkative. She was by no means ugly, and yet 
 could boast no great pretensions to beauty ; yet 
 had fire enough in her eyes to light up the 
 embers of love in Carpegna, 
 
 Their age, engagements, relation, and living 
 together, brought us to a frequent conversation ; 
 and as the odd fates would have it, my eyes 
 proved so flaming as to set the tinder of i^tz5- 
 chinettis old heart on fire. He all along 
 professed openly his tenderness for me ; repeating 
 daily assurances, that having no children, I 
 should be his heiress ; he called me his mistress, 
 and ever was fiddling about me. But this passed 
 for a sort of paternal indulgence, and the extrava- 
 gance of his real passion was so incredible, as not 
 to be suspected even by myself. 
 
70 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 There was a young Neapolitan Baron called 
 Casanatta, that had married Carpegna's 
 daughter, who was at his country seat in the 
 Ahruzzo when the old gentleman arrived. But 
 being returned to Naples, on notice from his 
 father-in-law, he and his lady made daily visits 
 to the Cardinal and his guests. Being all but 
 myself married people, I had too frequent 
 opportunities of conversing with Casanatta, 
 both alone and in company. 
 
 Casanatta was of the tallest size of little men, 
 exactly shaped in body and legs, the down 
 just on his chin, eyes full and languishing, a 
 delicate complexion, and hair that hung doAvn 
 to his waste : he sung with abundance of art 
 and address, with a voice that would charm the 
 dullest. His utterance was soft and piercing ; 
 his words flowed like honey, and it was im- 
 possible to hear him without finding a soft 
 emotion in your bosom at every syllable he 
 uttered. His humour was agreeable and gay, 
 and his temper open and generous. But his 
 wife was just his reverse ; young she was indeed, 
 but had no tolerable thing to recommend her, 
 but the wealth she had and was like to bring, 
 as the heiress of Carpegna. She was deformed 
 in her person, and crooked in her conditions ; 
 reserved, censorious, envious, ill-natured and 
 sickly : and one would wonder that so jolly a 
 humour in the father, should in no measure be 
 conveyed to the daughter. But so it was, and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 71 
 
 his good lady only could tell how far she was 
 indebted to hina for any part or quality about 
 her. But she was at rest with her fathers, and 
 Carpegna possessed of another whose character 
 1 have given you already. 
 
 I could not but pity the hard fate of so 
 fine a gentleman as Casanatta, to be confined 
 for life to so odious a creature ; and often 
 wished him in Don Luciano* s place, or that 
 he had yet been at liberty to make as honnor- 
 able an address. I found in me that tender- 
 ness for him that he would not have been so 
 indifferently received as Luciano, though his 
 suit had been with the same disagreeable view ; 
 for I thought the beauties of his person and 
 those of his humour, would really hold out 
 through the long tedious journey of matrimony 
 itself. 
 
 Full of these kind thoughts for him, I was 
 so happy to make impressions as great on his 
 heart. He sought all opportunities of con- 
 versing with me that he could take without 
 suspicion, and mutual inclinations soon made 
 our short meetings more frequent. Several 
 things contributed to the success of the begin- 
 ning of this amour, at least enough to betray 
 us to a passion which neither of us could much 
 longer command. 
 
 The Cardinal was taken up in bringing 
 about his affair with Carpegfia's wife, and he 
 
72 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 was too busy in pursuing his with the lady 
 Faschinetti. But Faschinetti himself, his hands 
 being free from any engagement, but what he 
 concealed under the pretended fatherly affec- 
 tion for me, alarmed with jealousy and pushed 
 on by desire, oftener interrupted our agreeable 
 commerce than either of us liked. For when 
 we had often been left alone by the rest of the 
 company, he only remained to curb our incli- 
 nations, sufficiently known to each other by 
 our eyes, though yet we had not had an oppor- 
 tunity to proceed to a plainer discovery. 
 
 But the Baron uneasy at this curb to our 
 pleasures, let not this invention lie idle to gei 
 him out of the way. For as we were sitting 
 all three together a footman comes, and brings 
 Faschinetti a billet from a lady pretending 
 to be in love with him, but was hindered by 
 modesty from revealing her passion. In short, 
 so many hints were given that seemed to lean 
 towards me, that he verily and vainly believed 
 the letter sent by me ; and promised to be 
 ready in the evening to go with him in the chair, 
 as desired. I was suprised that I had lost the 
 argus of my conduct and that the Baron and 
 I were left alone, his wife in one of her good 
 humours refusing to come with him ; he told 
 me what he had done with Faschinetti, to get 
 this opportunity of telling me how miserable 
 I had made him by inspiring a passion from 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 73 
 
 vi'hich he could hope nothing but destruction; 
 but that it was no longer in his power to re- 
 sist it, and it being impossible for him to van- 
 quish it, he had given over all endeavours that 
 way ; jet that he could not leave this world 
 without letting me know that he fell the glo- 
 rious sacrifice of my eyes. 
 
 Here he paused, and I blushed betwixt an- 
 ger and pleasure ; the pleasure I was obliged 
 to conceal, while false anger usurped my tongue 
 and belied the soft sentiments of my heart. I 
 forced a weak frown, and some seeming harsh 
 words on his presumption of declaring so cri- 
 minal a passion, so injurious to my honor 
 and destructive of my virtue. That, since he 
 knew no better how to make use of the inno- 
 cent freedoms I gave him, I should imme- 
 diately retrench them, and fly from so dan- 
 gerous a conversation. He pressed my hand 
 and gave it ten thousand kisses, begged as many 
 pardons, threw himself on his knees, embraced 
 my legs, and made such an assault for pity 
 and love, that unable to bear the attack, trem- 
 bling all over with fear and desire, I broke 
 from him and ran to my chamber. 
 
 He was not so bashful a lover or so igno- 
 rant of woman, as to have his passion de- 
 feated by the first repulse ; or not to under- 
 stand the symptoms of love from ray eyes and 
 my blushes, and the tremblings he found when 
 
74 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 he pressed me with kisses and tender caresses. 
 He followed me therefore, and finding my 
 chamber door open came to my closet, knocked 
 gently at the door, which when I opened to see 
 who it was, he rushed in and seized me in his 
 amorous arms, and betwixt kisses and em- 
 braces would not suffer me to cry out. I must 
 confess the opportunity was so agreeable and 
 the lover so pleasing, and my desire so height- 
 ened, I could not resolve to deny my own 
 satisfaction to punish the rudeness and force 
 that I found so transporting. In his arms I sunk 
 down on the couch, and with a faint resistance 
 suffered liim to gain a victory in which our 
 triumph was equal. 
 
 After a little respite and a gentle accusation 
 of his cruel kindness in sacrificing my honor, 
 I advised him to retire, lest the governante 
 should find him ; for though he had secured one 
 spy in Faschinetti, yet the envy of the old go- 
 vernante might be prejudicial to our affairs, 
 on which his life, and my reputation depended. 
 My lovely charmer, said the Baron, think not 
 that I have been so improvidetit of this moment 
 of pleasure, which could only save my life, 
 and which J have longed for with all the im- 
 patience of love, as not to provide against that 
 evil. Knoio then, that long since I have pre- 
 pared my way there, by taking up her thoughts 
 with an employment of the same nature. For I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUSr. 75 
 
 have in my retinue a frenchman called La Mime 
 ichofor a reward undertook to win her to his 
 arms, and so lull asleep those watchful eyes 
 that might else interrupt our enjoyments. Im- 
 possible, said I, it is impossible that any one 
 can sink below the nature of man to attempt 
 any such affair with a monster so confessed. 
 The French, Madam, (replied the Baron) are 
 a people that icill undertake any thing for 
 money ; and I can assure you, the opportunities 
 of waiting on me so frequently here, has fur- 
 nished him with such 7neans to make his address, 
 that he has for some time been in possession of 
 the peculiar happiness of her embraces, 
 
 I could not give credit, I told him, to his 
 assurances, unless he could so contrive it that 
 I should surprise them in the midst of their 
 dalliance: which besides the diversion mio-ht 
 be of use in the carrying- on of our intrigue. 
 He promised the discovery, and having- im- 
 proved the minutes his policy had procured us 
 in all the endearments of love, I dismissed him 
 till another opportunity. 
 
76 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 A continuation of Donna Theresa's intrigue with 
 Casanatta, and its tragical event. WitJi the 
 diverting adventures of those of Faschinetti, Car- 
 pegna, their wives, and the Cardinal. 
 
 But giving a cessation to the first raptures of 
 our love, I must tell you the fortune of Faschi- 
 netti. The footman having got him into the 
 chair, made him pass through several streets, 
 alleys and lanes, and by different and bye-vrays 
 brings him back again to the Cardinal's palace, 
 and stopping under a balcony ready with a 
 ladder placed there for that purpose, mounted 
 the knight adventurer to his exalted post of 
 love, assuring him he would go and give the 
 signal to the amorous lady. 
 
 The ladder is taken away, and Faschinetti left 
 alone full of fond impatience for the pleasing 
 encounter. He had not waited long before he 
 heard in the apartment a voice which he thought 
 himself well acquainted with. For he imagined 
 he heard his wife in an amorous commerce, 
 with one who seemed by his tone to be Signor 
 Carpegna. But as he was attempting to look 
 into the window to make the discovery, he was 
 suddenly diverted by the approach of several 
 people beneath the balcony where he stood, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 77 
 
 wfiidi made him stoop down, to bide himself 
 from the flambeaux till they were past. But, 
 to his great surprise, they took up their station 
 exactly underneath the balcony where he stood, 
 beginning immediately to tune their instruments, 
 which, when in order, one of the company sung 
 this serenade : 
 
 SONG. 
 
 1 
 
 *4f/*/ bright Belinda hither fly t 
 
 And such a light discover ^ 
 As may the absent sun supply j 
 And cheer the drooping lover. 
 2 
 Arise my day^ with speed arise. 
 And all my sorrows banish ; 
 Before the sufi oj" thy bright eyes 
 All gloomy terrors vanish. 
 3 
 No longer let me sigh in vain. 
 
 And curse the hoarded treasure : 
 Why should you love to give us pain, 
 When you were made for pleasure ? 
 4 
 The petty powers of hell destroy. 
 To save's the pride of heaven: 
 To you the firsts if yon prove coy ; 
 If kind, the last is given, 
 5 
 The choice then sure's not hard to make 
 
 Betwixt a good and evil : 
 Which title had you rather take, 
 My goddess, or my devil ? 
 
78 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 After the song tliey played some symphonies 
 on their instruments, on which Faschinetti s 
 lady opens the balcony door to grace the solem- 
 nity and own the devotion, being told by 
 Carpegna, that it was a sacrifice of love to her, 
 but that either the pleasure of her conversation, 
 or the haste of the musician, had prevented his 
 attendance. On which he presently took his 
 leave and went directly to join them ; and she 
 then opened the door as I have told you, to 
 accept the gallantry of her lover. But the door 
 Avas no sooner opened but F«sc/ime^^i tumbled 
 into the room, and his pious lady affrighted, 
 cried out the devil/ the devil/ which with the 
 noise of the fall made the fiddlers all vanish in 
 an instant. 
 
 Faschiiietti getting up, was no less affrighted 
 than his lady, who had fled to the apartment of 
 Carpegna, where she surprised her gallant's 
 wife and the Cardinal in a posture not very 
 canonical, which confirmed the grounds of her 
 former suspicions. But all things were hushed, 
 and a mutual confidence made bj a discovery 
 of each others inclinations. 
 
 The first confusion being over, the Cardinal 
 and Madam Carpegna accompanied her to see 
 what the matter was in her room, which had 
 given her this alarm and them this interruption. 
 But fearing that it might be some thief who 
 had waited there an opportunity of robbing the 
 house, the servants were called up, who with 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 79 
 
 arms in their hands ready charged, guarded the 
 company to see the adventure ; and I being 
 called by the noise from my room, joined the 
 brigade in the desperate discovery. 
 
 In the meanAvhile Faschinctti coming a little 
 to himself, got up from the floor ^vhere we left 
 him, and casting his eyes all around, was amazed 
 to find himself in his own chamber, but could 
 scarce credit his sight, in the testimony it gave 
 him of every particular thing, that should* 
 convince him it could be no other place. The 
 hearing the house in an alarm, awaked him from 
 his trance into a concern what course to take. 
 The balcony was too high for the attempt of 
 his escape by that way ; and being forced to 
 take a sudden resolve, he steered his course in 
 the hurry directly to my chamber, which he 
 easily attained before our formidable posse 
 could arrive at his apartments. Where, when 
 we were come, we found no living creature but 
 the paroquet, and the doors of the room and 
 balcony wide open. The servants, by order, 
 searched every nook and corner, but could find 
 nothing at all that they sought for. But the 
 Cardinal cautious of his own security, ordered 
 them to look into every room in the house, lest 
 the thief should have conveyed himself into some 
 other place to perfect his wicked design. 
 
 The noise of this alarm made me run out of 
 my closet and leave the door open, and a copy 
 
80 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 of verses 1 had just been making on my lover, 
 myself, and the happy moments we had so lately 
 enjoyed, lay on the table. Faschinetti escaping 
 into my lodgings and finding the closet un- 
 locked, took the freedom to pass into it as the 
 securest place from a sudden discovery or im- 
 mediate surprise, and where he might have 
 time to compose his disorder before the com- 
 pany could find him. There he found and 
 •seized my amorous ejaculations, reading them 
 over with envy and content ; for he was pleased 
 to find that I was not impregnable ; but fretted 
 to the soul to think that any one had been 
 happier than him. I will venture, my dear 
 Fantasio, to shew you the verses inspired by 
 love without the assistance of any of the ladies 
 of Parnassus, 
 
 Ah ! how transporting do the moments prove^ 
 When we're enjoyed by him we fondly love. 
 Who with an equal warmth and ardour jiredy 
 Returns the passion, that his eyes inspired. 
 What words canpaint the fierce invading flames 
 That seized each fibre of my trembling frames 
 When to my arms the lovely hero came ? 
 Nor was the fire less strong , that warmed his breast f 
 Which he a thousand tender ways expressed : 
 His sparkling eyes shot fames of humid fire. 
 And his pleased soul was tuned to gay desire. 
 Close to my face his feverish lips he joined ^ 
 And with wild transport round my body twined. 
 Fearful of joy, yet willing to be pressed, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 81 
 
 / Strove awhile, then clasped him to mt/ breast. 
 
 Who can the raptures of our loves declare ? 
 
 Ye gods ! how soj^t our tcarm embraces tcere. 
 
 We hugged, we kissed, arid at each amorous close, 
 
 Up to our mouths our souls together rose : 
 
 Till with the bliss overcome we died away. 
 
 And for axohile in speechless raptures lag. 
 
 WhaVs all the pleasures of a world to this, 
 
 But gaudy trifles and a shew of bliss ? 
 
 Why are our lives prolonged to seventy years. 
 
 Thin sown tcith love, but crammed icith plagues and 
 
 And since xoeonly can be said to live, \cares9 
 
 When we to love our pleasing moments give. 
 
 Instead of that long age of anxious time. 
 
 Give me, ye gods, noxc in my blooming prime. 
 
 So many minutes in Amintor's arms, 
 
 Whose matchless form my ravished fancy charms ; 
 
 And on his bosom gladly Vd expire. 
 
 Like the rich phenix in her odorous fire. 
 
 You find these verses too plainly confess the 
 happy hours I had past, and in my own hand 
 too perfectly known to Faschinetli for me to 
 deny it. I was only pleased that I had locked 
 up those which the Baron had given me, and 
 made on me when he little thought of the suc- 
 cess that he met with. 
 
 1 
 
 Ah! Charmion shroud those killing eyes, 
 That dart th* extremes of pleasure ! 
 Else Celadon, the favoured dies, 
 As well as him whom you despise ; 
 Vol. I. G 
 
82 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Though in this different measure, 
 ^0$ While he xcith lingering pangs drags on hisjate. 
 
 Despatch isall th* advantage of my state: 
 For oh ! you kill loith love as icell as hate. 
 
 2 
 Abate thy luxury of charms. 
 And only part discover : 
 Thy tongue as well as eyes have charms, 
 To do a thousandfatal harms, 
 To the poor listening lover. 
 Thy glories should like heavens' be 
 Concealed beneath the veil of mystery ; 
 For to behold them in full force we die. 
 
 In our search we found to our surprise 
 Faschinetti in my closet, and to my confusion, 
 when I remembered my paper. He told us 
 that, being just come in and hearing a noise, 
 lie had as he came up stepped into my apart- 
 ment to see if any thing ailed me; but being 
 entertained with the pictures and books he 
 had found in my cabinet, he had stayed there 
 longer than he intended. 
 
 Having searched all the palace, and supper 
 being ended I retired to my closet, and to my 
 confusion found my verses taken away : and 
 remembering by what Faschinetti had whis- 
 pered, his looks and behaviour, that he had 
 discovered the fatal secret, all my invention 
 was employed to contrive the recovery of my 
 verses, and to abuse him with the persuasion 
 of his error. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 83 
 
 The next morning^ he entered my cham- 
 her M'ith an air too assuming, and just going 
 to add words to his looks on a subject I could 
 not suffer him to go upon, I began prudentially 
 wilh him, and setting my forehead in an angry 
 frown, with some rage I demanded my verses, 
 wondering at his assurance of not only entering 
 my closet, but of reading my papers and tak- 
 ing them thence, Vou have reason^ Madam^ 
 said he with a malicious smile, to he angry at 
 a discovery which your honor is so much intc 
 rested to conceal. But, Madani^ it is in your 
 power to Jiave it yet a secret, provided you look 
 on me with eyes more favorable to my wishes. 
 You may easily believe that it is not one con- 
 quest that your charms are con/ined too ; for the 
 miracles of your beauty are not content to rouse 
 the hot blood of the youngs made an easy trophy 
 to the iinpression of every face by their heat and 
 their vigour, but they inspire a youth into 
 OLD-AGE itself giving a fresh spring of desire 
 in the autumn of life. 
 
 I must avow (continued he without giving me 
 time to answer him) that I speak by experience ; 
 for not all my reserve, the suUenness and severity 
 of my temper, 7iot the debility of my years have 
 been able to avoid the terrible blow. And I 
 bless this occasion, which has given me assurance 
 that I speak not to a lady insensible of love and 
 all its most soft and tender endearments. 
 
 G 2 
 
84 TflE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Hold — said I in a fury, Signor Faschinetti ; 
 this language is insufferable^ and I must tell you^ 
 that though I am a woman^ I shall find means to 
 revenge the affront. I am obliged to your folly 
 for the discovery of your passion and shallacquaint 
 theCardinal, my uncle, with your honorable 
 pretentions, who does not use to pass over at- 
 tempts of this nature as pecadilloes not worth the 
 minding. Because hy your rude intrusion 
 you have surprised a copy of some verses 7vhich 
 I have transcribed from a translation of Ovid 
 by a member of the academy of the Ardenti, 
 7J0U presume upon them to this insolence, as if 
 they ivere my own. But, Sir, I must tell you 
 that unless you immediately return my paper 
 and leave my room, I shall seek a remedy less 
 agreeable to your interest. 
 
 I spoke with that assurance that Faschinetti 
 Mas astonished, and really believing what I said 
 to be true returned my verses and left my 
 chamber begging a thousand pardons, and 
 assuring me of all the modest respect of one 
 who must own the highest regard for my good 
 and my happiness. 
 
 But though the confidence of my action, the 
 plausibility of my pretence, and the guilt of 
 his declaration had cast a cloud on his under- 
 standing and given him a tumultuary satisfac- 
 tion, yet the hurry and consternation being 
 over, and coming on his bed to consider, fresh 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 85 
 
 doubts alarmed his fears and roused up his 
 curiosity for a fartlier discovery. For several 
 corrections and blots in the paper were evi- 
 dent proofs of its being' an original. 
 
 This made him so watchful, especially of the 
 Baron, that in spite of our caution he ob- 
 served several conscious glances, which though 
 no evidence of our guilt was some of our incli- 
 nations, lie kept us always in sight, nor ever 
 left us alone, which gave us both a mutual 
 uneasiness : for our souls thirsting- for a con- 
 versation more near and endearing* than could 
 be found in this constraint, blushes and kind 
 looks were perfectly extorted from us. The 
 pleasure of seeing each other and being so 
 near together heightened our desire of a closer 
 conjunction. 
 
 It happened that he was obliged to leave us 
 a few moments to go to a visitor about earnest 
 business, though with the utmost reluctance ; we 
 improved the fleeting minutes with caresses 
 and kisses, exchanging our amorous souls at 
 our mouths. He spared only time to tell me 
 that I should retire to the governante's chamber, 
 and that in a quarter of an hour I should be en- 
 tertained with the pleasant adventure he had 
 promised me ; on which he founded the means of 
 obtaining more frequent, and uninterrupted op- 
 portunities of a nearer and dearer conversation. 
 I retired to the rendezvous of these comical 
 
86 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 lovers, and the Baron to Faschinelli and his 
 company that he might not alarm him with 
 any farther suspicions, finding by my account 
 what had happened. 1 was scaice got into a 
 corner of the room that was dark and obscure, 
 when the governante and La Mime softly steal 
 in, and without any previous ceremony of fond- 
 ness threw themselves down on the bed, and in 
 a little time I came forward and throwing open 
 the curtains seized her in the fact. You may bet- 
 ter imagine than I describe the consternation she 
 ■was in, and with what struggles she endeavoured 
 to make her escape ; but I held her too fast, 
 while La Mime, glad of the relief, stole gently 
 away and left us together. I reproached her 
 abominable and monstrous lust, that on the 
 very verge of mortality, sapless and dry, could 
 admit the criminal embraces of a lusty young 
 frenchman. In short, I said all in an imitated 
 rage that a real one could prompt ; vowing 
 that I would immediately tell all to the Cardinal, 
 and have her discarded. 
 
 She fell on her knees, embraced my feet, beg- 
 ged with all the moisture age could supply her 
 eyes with, and promised no more to be guilty. 
 Should I in my youth, said I, in the full Jlowing 
 of my hlood, he drawn into such a folly, you ivould 
 be thefirst to oppose my desire, put obstacles in 
 my way, or betray the affair. Try me, my 
 dear lady, said she, / will venture the life you 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 87 
 
 give me to satisfy your pleasures ; if any young 
 Lord has pleased your eye and raised your de- 
 sire^ I will promote your satisfaction with all 
 my industry and emitting. 
 
 Ill short, after some parley on this head we 
 came to an agreement, and by the capitulation 
 she was to possess her La Mime as long as she 
 could, while I had the master. But the diffi- 
 culties of my amour were greater than in hers, 
 to whom age, deformity, and neglect gave a li- 
 berty of acting without observation ; whereas 
 I had the eyes of too many to deceive, to bring 
 my affairs about with so much ease. But the 
 dear Casanatta had by his fertile invention 
 smoothed the rugged way to our joys by this 
 contrivance: he had provided himself with the 
 habit and cargo of one of those women who 
 sell pomatums, washes, paste, and the like to 
 the ladies, for their hands and their faces ; in 
 this attire the governante was to introduce him 
 to my closet, which was the next evening ef- 
 fected ; where I held him in my arms without 
 fear or constraint for many hours. 
 
 Now was our amour in its greatest tranquillity, 
 while secure from all danger we indulge our 
 enjoyments. This made me have no longer 
 any regard to, or keep any measures with the 
 Count Luciano who still persecuted me at my 
 hours of retirement. I therefore begged the 
 Cardinal, if he valued my repose not to let 
 
50 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 me be any longer tormented with the visits of 
 a man that was my aversion. The Cardinal 
 could not deny me what 1 asked with some ear- 
 nestness, but taking' a convenient opportunity 
 informed him of my sentiments in as soft and 
 tender a manner as he possibly could, and de- 
 sired him to forbear the visits for the future, 
 assuring him that notwithstanding my severity 
 on his account, he would do him all the good 
 offices with me except a constraint, which he 
 never would use. 
 
 About this time the old prince of Ascoli 
 having some secret negociations with the Car- 
 dinal, was more frequently at his palace than 
 formerly. Which gave life to a report that 
 I was the business of his visits. This rumour 
 reaching the ears of Luciano, persuaded him 
 to believe himself sacrificed to the Cardinal's 
 ambition. Nay, he was told this amour had 
 been of some standing, and that we had been 
 some time really contracted. 
 
 He therefore resolved to retire into Spam 
 and go to the wars against Portugal, but sent 
 me this letter and these verses, before he 
 left Naples. 
 
 LETTER V. 
 
 '• You may venture, cruel maid, to read 
 *' this letter without being offended with too 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 89 
 
 " much of my love^ it being the last 1 believe, 
 " I shall trouble you with. That I have loved 
 " you, nay, that I love you still with the sin- 
 " cerest of passions, witness all ye powers that 
 " govern our actions and dispose of our fates. 
 " Had 1 known, Madam, that your heart 
 " and your honor were engaged to another, 
 " I would never have troubled you with the 
 *' pains and agonies you have caused. I 
 *' should have endeavoured to stifle so unhappy 
 " a flame in its birth, and never have given 
 " head to a fire which now I fear is too strong 
 " for me to master. However, since it is im- 
 " possible for me to be happy in your arms, 
 " I shall learn from despair to banish all those 
 '* agreeable phantoms which haunted my 
 " thoughts with the bewitching scenes of plea- 
 " sure I never can obtain. I am, Madam, 
 " very sensible, nay, 1 have a most terrible idea 
 " of the struggle I must go through ; but since 
 " like death it must be past, I must arm myself 
 " with the strongest resolution I am able; 
 " though death would be a thousand times 
 " more supportable : that being but the se- 
 " paration of soul and body, this the division 
 *' of the soul, the death of love, an agony that 
 " none but he who loves like me can tell. 
 " It is no small aggravation of my woe to 
 " think that you must share in my misfortune. 
 
90 THE GOLOBN ASS 
 
 " Pardon me, charming maid, I do not suppose 
 " that the loss of so great a wretch as I 
 " am, can be the least pain to your heart ; 
 *' but when 1 consider my happy rival's impo- 
 " tence and age, it is plain he can never adore 
 " you like me, and you will miss abundance 
 " of happiness which my zeal would have 
 *' procured you. Ah ! cruel and fantastic 
 " fate, that ordains me not only to lose 
 *' you but to see you lost in the cold withered 
 *' arms of age ; to see all those excessive 
 *' beauties worthy all the changes of Jupiter, 
 " confined to the grave, even in their blossom 
 " of youth. Hear me, Madam, hear me, and 
 " remember that you had an adorer that 
 *' loved you faithfully, nay, that loved you equal 
 " to the vast extent of your merits ; that, when 
 *' he was in the midst of despair, in all the 
 " agonies of an unlucky passion, in misery 
 *' derived only from your eyes, prayed for your 
 *' happiness without regard to his own who 
 " thus implored heaven for you. May ready 
 " success still meet your desires ! May the 
 " sincerity of your friends prove worthy 
 *' the confidence reposed in them ! May 
 <* the charms of your body be as lasting as 
 " those of your mind! May no pain interrupt 
 " your ease, nor misfortune your felicity ; 
 " but as you are the most charming of your 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 91 
 
 sex, so may you be the most happy ! May 
 your husband's love be like mine, and since 
 you are bound to the feeble arms of old age, 
 may yours like the charms of Medea renew 
 his youth ; or what is next to it and not 
 much more possible, may you never know 
 what love is, or may you think him as 
 amiable as he must think you ! But should 
 I follow the dictates of my heart, whilst it 
 is pouring out blessings upon you, 1 might 
 lire 7/oM, but never the zeal of my love. 
 Having thus made the will of my dying 
 hopes, I will trouble you no longer, but 
 let them in silence expire. 
 
 *' Luciano." 
 
 an adieu to love. 
 SONG. 
 
 No longer such a slave ril be 
 To eyes regardless of my pain ; 
 
 Her cruelty has set mejree, 
 And broke the stubborn chain, 
 
 Belinda, you, that make me sigh in vain 
 Now give the cure by your unjust disdain* 
 
 Thou visionary bliss farewell ! 
 Thou dream of love adieu ! 
 
92 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Too many are the pangs wefeeU 
 
 But oh ! the joys toofeio I 
 Glory a brighter mistress F II pursucy 
 
 Glory can never prove so coy as yoiu 
 
 3 
 
 The din of war my soul shall icake 
 
 .^nd all thy charms remove: 
 The wanton boy his flight shall take^ 
 
 And meaner conquests prove. 
 Through fire and sword secure ofljate I'll move, 
 Safe from all harms, while I am safe from love. 
 
 As he expected no answer so he set out of 
 Naples the next day, and I was left without any 
 molestation from that side to enjoy my dear 
 Baron. But young lovers have never any 
 prudence or mean in their enjoyments. Casa- 
 nattas public visits were now too rare and his 
 private ones too frequent always to avoid the 
 discovery of a jealous-sighted lover. The Car- 
 dinal was too much taken up with affairs of state 
 or his amour, to give us much disturbance, and 
 the governante who was left to watch over my 
 honor, was too strongly engaged in our party 
 to interrupt our pleasures ; but Faschinetti was 
 too vigilant, and too full of suspicion and desire 
 not to unravel a mystery we were not cautious 
 enough of concealing. 
 
 He had information from his spies that almost 
 every evening a woman was admitted to me 
 under pretence of selling me perfumes and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 93 
 
 pomatums, and that she seldom staid less than 
 an hour or two in my apartment ; a suspicion 
 too pregnant of the messenger of a favored 
 lover himself in that disguise. This recalled to 
 his rememhrance my verses, and the silent 
 language of the Baron's eyes and mine, which 
 he had more than once interrupted. He was 
 fully satisfied, that to let himself into this secret 
 was the only way that he could ever hope to 
 pass to his wishes. Having tlierefore intelhgence 
 of the Baron's being with me, the governante 
 being securely retired to La Miyne, Faschinetti 
 gently steals into my room, and finding none 
 there creeps close to the closet, with the utmost 
 attention listening, and frequently putting his 
 eye to the key-hole to make the discovery 
 that to him was both painful and pleasant. 
 Here he plainly saw us in the height of 
 our raptures, and observed me with rage 
 meeting him with equal fire ; while with mu- 
 tual murmurings we dissolved in each others 
 arms. 
 
 Not satisfied with this he listened to our 
 discourse, and so perfectly unravelled the mys- 
 tery. However he thought good to suppress his 
 resentment and not to come upon me with too 
 sudden a surprise; gently therefore retiring, he 
 re-enters the room with some noise, which 
 warned us to put ourselves in a condition of not 
 being discovered in any suspicious appearance. 
 
94 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 The fardel was opened and we began to cliaffer 
 for a price, till he knocked at the door, which 
 without any concern immediately I opened and 
 proceeded in my bargain with the supposed 
 female-merchant : he humoured the deceit and 
 bought some paste for the hands ; and as the 
 Baron went out under pretence of kissing so 
 pretty a young trader, had a full view of his 
 face, which his disguise was not sufficient to 
 alter so much as suspicion was to reveal. He 
 had ordered him however to be dogged, and the 
 information was brought him, that he entered a 
 perfumer's and in a little time after came out in 
 a cloak muffled up, so went directly to the back- 
 gate of his own garden. 
 
 He said nothing till the next day, waiting 
 the same hour for his approach at my chamber- 
 door ; but the Baron was secretly conveyed up 
 the back-stairs to my cabinet. His spy brought 
 him word the false merchantess was with me ; 
 so Faschinetti with his usual liberty comes into 
 my room, but was stopt by the governante who 
 was there, who told him 1 was busy with a lady 
 of my acquaintance and would not be disturbed; 
 he replied his business was earnest, as coming 
 from the Cardinal, and therefore would not 
 be denied. So he came forward to the closet 
 which I immediately set open without any fear. 
 As soon as he saw the Baron there again — Ha ! 
 Madam^ said he, / fear you design to interlope 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 95 
 
 on the trade of the perfumers^ since you are so 
 frequent a customer to this fair merchantess. 
 
 The Baron pretended he had brought me a 
 pattern of some new Roman gloves, which 
 occasioned his given me this trouble so soon ; I 
 told him I liked the sample and bid him bring 
 me a dozen pair, and so 1 dismissed him without 
 the least guilty concern. He was no sooner 
 gone, but Faschineltt seizing me in his arms 
 forced a kiss from me, which, when I resented, 
 he desired me to be more calm since it was now 
 in his power to ruin my affairs, and that despair 
 might make him do things we all might repent, 
 unless 1 resolved to be more indulgent to his 
 passion and yield to him what 1 so freely 
 disposed of to the Baron Casanatta. To this 
 he added an account of all he had discovered, 
 as what he had seen, what he had heard, and 
 that he not only knew him by his face though in 
 the disguise of a woman, but had had him traced 
 even to his own house. 
 
 1 was in some confusion at his discourse, but 
 utterly denied the truth of his charge. How- 
 ever I thought it not amiss to seem a little 
 more pliable to his dotage, and allowed him 
 by degrees the liberty of kissing my hands, 
 my lips and my bosom ; which was encourage- 
 ment enough to hope greater favors, which 
 he pressed with some earnestness, and added 
 some force. But I pacified his eagerness with 
 
96 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 a promise that he sliouUl not always sigh in 
 vain : that tlie risque was too great to venture 
 in that manner a surprise that might ruin us 
 both ; and that he must contrive some way 
 more secret and less dangerous to gratify his 
 wishes. 
 
 Appeased with these reasons and highly 
 pleased with his success, he retired to con- 
 trive the means of arriving at possession, with- 
 out which he told me it was impossible he 
 should live. His odious addresses and nau- 
 seous caresses, and his filthy kisses which 
 then I had been obliged to endure, gave me 
 a resolution of at once punishing his inso- 
 lence and destroying the credit of his disco- 
 very on his disappointment. 
 
 His barren head could devise no way but 
 what he had seen put in practice by Casa- 
 natta, and so hoped in the woman's disguise 
 to pass the whole night in my arms. The 
 night is appointed, and 1 am prepared for the 
 happy rencounter. 1 ordered therefore the 
 governante to conduct him in, and up stairs 
 to my chamber. When he came there I could 
 not but laugh at the very ridiculous figure he 
 made, which bearing awhile he pressed my re- 
 tiring with him to the closet. 1 told him the 
 night had happy hours enough in store for the 
 whole extent of his passion. It now being near 
 bed time and Faschinetti just sitting down to 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 97 
 
 undress him, the governante by my order, 
 came running* in and told me the Cardinal 
 was coming to me before he went to bed. I ex- 
 pressed all the concern imaginable for his 
 safety and life. I assured him his disguise, 
 which could not conceal him, was much worse 
 than if he had been there at that time without 
 any : he proposed the closet, that I told him 
 was the place where we always retired ; but 
 looking about, as by chance, I discovered a 
 great chest (I had ordered to be placed there) 
 and advised him to get into it, for the Car- 
 dinal would not stay above a quarter of an hour, 
 and then I would enlarge him into my arms ; 
 so giving him a treacherous embrace Me 
 tumbled him quickly into the chest and locked 
 him fast in, and ordered porters to carry it to 
 his apartment and deliver it to his Avife as 
 sent home from him. 
 
 The porters conveyed it with admirable dex- 
 terity, and found in Faschinetlis apartment 
 Carpegna with his w ife, and setting down the 
 chest they went away about their business. I 
 waited the event with some pleasure and sa- 
 tisfaction, finding then no small relish of the Ita- 
 lian maxim : 
 
 Dolcissima mortali, e la vindetta. 
 Revenge is the sweetest pleasure of us mortals. 
 
 The coming of the porters had a little inter- 
 rupted Carpegna' s affair ; but now pushing 
 Vol. I. H 
 
98 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 her on the chest he was very near possession 
 of a happiness he had known before, when 
 Faschinetti hearing what was going about, and 
 being unwilling to be so near a witness of his 
 own cuckoldom, forgetting his own pleasant ac- 
 coutrements, began to make a noise, and knock 
 and bounce at the chest, till he had beat one 
 end of it out. This noisy inhabitant of the 
 chest had frightened the lady so as to make her 
 scream out, which drew myself, ready for the 
 alarm, and Carpegna's wife and the Cardinal 
 to the place of distress ; our coming stopped 
 Carpegna to see what the matter had been. 
 We found Faschinetti just disengaged from 
 his amorous mouse-trap. The company now 
 divided betwixt wonder and laughter at his ri- 
 diculous dress ; nor could 1 conceal my satis- 
 faction or hinder my mirth at his disaster, 
 which highly provoked him, though the com- 
 pany now visibly finding him out, joined in 
 the laughter, while every one had his jest on 
 his comical figure. His passion could not bear 
 Carpegna's triumph, and threatened that mo- 
 ment death. to his spouse. But half pacified 
 by me for fear of a farther discovery of his at- 
 tempts, he turned the raillery on Carpegna, and 
 said that he was sorry his frolic had interrupted 
 the Cardinal's diversion with his wife. 
 
 From this, words arose, for the Cardinal 
 resented the reflection, and protested on verba 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 99 
 
 sacerdotis that he was wrongfully accused. I 
 enjoyed but a short time the pleasure of my 
 revenge ; for matters were come to that height, 
 that Faschinetti resolving to leave the palace 
 with his lady that moment, would not suffer 
 me to triumph in his disgrace, but gave the 
 Cardinal some hints that he was not the only 
 sufferer in the honor of his family ; and plainly 
 told him that I had sacrificed mine to the 
 Baron. 
 
 This put me on a necessity of telling the 
 whole company the adventure, and his infamous 
 solicitations for my honor, for which I had 
 punished him in that manner. That his rage 
 at a disappointment had made him forge so 
 ridiculous a story. The governante was at hand 
 to justify what I said, which rendered his sin- 
 cerity so suspected that this evidence was 
 slighted by the whole company. In a rage at 
 these insults he threw of his habit and imme- 
 diately left the palace M'ith his lady, who 
 found the art afterwards to wheedle him into a 
 good opinion of her virtue, persuading him 
 that all the circumstances only proved a villain- 
 ous attempt of Carpegna ; who soon after 
 returning to Rome with his wife, left the Car- 
 dinal more at leisure to consider of what Faschi- 
 netti had told him of the Baron. Some circum- 
 stances were too positive to merit his neglect ; 
 and he concluded that he would never have had 
 
 u2 
 
100 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 assurance enough to attempt my embraces, but 
 by some certain discovery of my adventures. 
 
 He placed some new spies on my actions, 
 and so soon was informed of the frequent access 
 of this woman. For the troublesome domestic 
 spy being" removed, we took the more liberty 
 in our amour, and frequently passed the whole 
 night unsuspected in one another's arms. 
 
 One fatal night, when tired with the repe- 
 tition of our mutual caresses, sleep had sealed 
 up both our eyes, death came and ravished him 
 from my arms. The governante's chamber was 
 between mine and the Cardinal's, which he 
 entering with a dagger and dark lanthorn, La 
 Mime on the noise leaped out of window, and 
 breaking his leg was taken by the watch. But 
 the Cardinal stayed not to examine that matter, 
 lest he should lose the aim of his vengeance, 
 the sweet charming thief that rifled his honor 
 on my bosom. My chamber on that side was 
 unlocked, as dreading no danger ; so coming 
 directly to my bed-side he gazed on us awhile, 
 fast locked in each other's arms as in sleep ; 
 1 first waked by the light of the lanthorn, and 
 seeing him going to pierce the dear breast 
 that 1 doated on, I cried out so loud that the 
 Baron awaked, but not time enough to pre- 
 vent the first stab, which though not imme- 
 diately death, yet made him fall back in the 
 bed almost drowned in his own gore, J seized 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 101 
 
 the Cardinal's liand, begged him to despatch 
 me with the lovely youth. But deaf to ray prayers 
 and tears, snatching his hand away, with 
 another blow sent his poor soul a wandering 
 with the dead. 
 
 It is in vain to tell you the extravagance 
 of my passion, not considering the naked con- 
 dition I was in, I threw myself out of bed 
 and begged death at his hands, and which I 
 thought once he would have given me ; but 
 nature prevailed, and throwing my clothes 
 about me he made me quit the room and 
 retire to another apartment ; and then ordered 
 the body to be thrown out of window into the 
 sea, that on that side beat on the walls of the 
 palace. 
 
 It was long ere I could be brought to eat 
 or drink, or bear with any patience the light 
 of the day, much less the sight of the Cardinal 
 himself. Who imagining that the place might 
 still keep my grief fresh and lasting, he re- 
 moved me to Rome ; and here took a pecu- 
 liar care to wean me from my sorrows by all 
 the diversions this city afforded. 
 
 A year was now passed, and youth and other 
 objects had thrown out a guest so injurious 
 to my pleasure and beauty ; when Don Lu- 
 ciano returning from Spain and finding me 
 at Rome, by the Cardinal's permission re- 
 newed his addresses; and it was he who gave 
 
102 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 me the vespers and mass^ when his usual ill 
 fortune threw thee in the way to his happiness. 
 Not that I ever would have married him, but 
 yet I might have thought so much due to his 
 constancy as not to let him sigh always in 
 vain. 
 
 Here she ended her narration, which was 
 indeed very diverting by its extraordinary va- 
 riety of events pleasant and melancholy. But 
 the bloody catastrophe of the Baron gave me 
 pain for myself, lest that should be my fate 
 one day or other. 
 
 THE END OF THE FIRST BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 NEW METAMORPHOSIS ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 mjt l^Uajsant tETrangfovmatfott. 
 
 THE SECOND BOOK. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Confaining an account o/ Theresa's argument against 
 marriage ; the terrible death of the Marquis of 
 Ancona and young Bentivoglio her gallant : the 
 intrigue of a grave matron of Sienna with friar 
 Rinaldo: and of an old SicWian physician's wife 
 with a friar Minorette; the advantages of in- 
 triguing with the clergy. 
 
 It was now lime to dress against dinner, and 
 having taken my repast and run through the 
 pleasures of the day, the night returning gave 
 me again to the dear arms of the charming 
 Theresa, letting me into the brightest field of 
 love, where without any check 1 might run 
 my full career. 
 
104 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Thus niglit passed after night, and nothing but 
 pleasure and love : till now she found herself 
 Mith child and was not a little concerned at the 
 discovery, yet she appeased all my fears with 
 assurances of my safety when the secret could 
 no longer be concealed. I pressed her to marry 
 Don Luciano, by that means the better to secure 
 her reputation and me. But she told me that 
 was a sacrifice too great to make to my security, 
 when there was no such necessity apparent. I 
 asked her whence proceeded her aversion to 
 marriage, which other young ladies seem so 
 forward to embrace ? 
 
 / will tell thee, my Cupid, said she, and I tell 
 thee sincerely ; I know myself too well to run 
 the risk of a husband, who, when he has once 
 paid his liberty for possession, lays a cruel 
 extortion on the wife all her life for the transitory 
 pleasure of a few nights enjoyment, ever after 
 confining her delights to his neglect of her 
 charms. I am of an amorous constitution, and 
 should strive to do myself thatjustice my husband 
 denied me. Besides, I cannot promise for my 
 constancy in that case ; I know not but I might 
 be weary of him sooner than he would be of 
 me, and then to be obliged to his disgustful 
 embraces, is a confinement I never can endure 
 or think of with patience. The lover's humours 
 are subject to me, the husband's must command 
 me. Nor can I ever forget the fate of a dear 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 105 
 
 friend of mine who married the Marqnis of 
 Ancona. She was young, she was beautiful, 
 and stored with the httle frailties of our sex. 
 She was courted, she was won by the zealous 
 assiduities of the Marquis. In short, she was 
 married, aiid too soon discovered the change of 
 her condition. His ill humours grew insup- 
 portable; his follies without number; his in- 
 solence not to be borne: no interval of quiet, 
 till now she hated him more than ever she loved 
 him. What tlien remained, but that finding no 
 pleasure at home, she should seek it abroad. 
 The church, the rendezvous of the young and 
 the charming, soon furnished her with an object 
 worthy her desires in the person of young 
 Bentivoglio. By the help of her creature she 
 soon gained her end ; for he was too gallant a 
 man to suffer a fair lady to sigh long in vain, and 
 she too charming not to find a return. In short, 
 they loved and were beloved ; were happy, 
 and so had remained, had it not been for the 
 cruel impertinence of the husband, who, though 
 he found no delight in her himself, nor could 
 afford her any pleasure, enviously denied any 
 other the possession of what he could not enjoy. 
 A discovery is made of the intrigue ; the unfor- 
 tunate lovers found in the fact ; the gallant 
 presently seized, and the wife and the assistant 
 of her amour forced to strangle the unlucky 
 Bentivoglio, Then with the dead body of her 
 
106 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 lover they were both immured between the stone 
 walls, and she perished by degrees on the cold 
 bosom of her gallant. And this barbarous 
 murder with our wise magistrates met with no 
 punishment, but was highly applauded as an 
 exact piece of justice. 
 
 Who then would marry to give up her liberty 
 and all her delights to the will of a man that 
 will have no regard to them ? No, no, the Car- 
 dinal is too fond of me to hurt me for whatever 
 liberty I shall fancy to take ; and all the care 
 that remains on me is to secure the person that 
 administers to my pleasure. 
 
 The fate of the Marchioness of Ancona, I 
 confess (said 1) my adorable mistress, is an in- 
 stance too melancholy of the tyranny of husbands, 
 but it must certainly be the ill conduct of the 
 wives who suffer such discoveries, or want of 
 address in wheedling the foibles of their lords : 
 for every man has his blind side and folly, 
 which managed with discretion a woman may 
 easily turn to her pleasure and security. Their 
 humour, temper, circumstances, inclinations, 
 passions, every thing affords a woman of judg- 
 ment the means of her satisfaction, with no more 
 hazard than would serve to heighten the en- 
 joyment. This is plain from the following story : 
 
 There was a woman near Florence the fair, 
 who, after a long intrigue, was in bed with her 
 gallant when her husband was knocking at 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 107 
 
 the door. But having presence of mind in this 
 strait, she clapped her lover under the bed 
 and immediately ran to let in her cuckold, 
 whose entrance she received with the small 
 shot of her tongue, for venturing home at a 
 time when the Serjeants were in the house in 
 search of his person. The wittol surprised at 
 the imagined disaster, begged her advice what 
 was to be done the gates of the town being 
 already shut up : after a little pause — Come 
 make haste, said she, atid slip softly into the 
 dovecot, there only I believe you can he with 
 safety, that having been searched by them 
 already. On all the wing's of fear he mounted 
 the ladder, which the wife of his bosom as 
 speedily removing returned to her lover, 
 whom, to frighten her husband the more, she 
 made act the serjeant, and then retire with 
 her to bed without fear of interruption ; in 
 the morning dismissing him with security and 
 
 joy- 
 But if the gallant be of the church, a very 
 
 bungler may give loose to her wishes without 
 
 apprehension ,• as will plainly appear from the 
 
 following adventures : 
 
 A sober matron of Sienna had an intrigue 
 
 with a good jolly friar called Rinaldo, of so 
 
 long a continuance that one would think they 
 
 should not have been so greedy as to run the 
 
 risk of any discovery. It happened however, 
 
lOS THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 that while the friar was with her and his 
 companion overhead with the maid, her hus- 
 band unexpectedly comes thundering at the 
 door and made her cry out she was undone. 
 But recollecting her thoughts, she bid the friar 
 dress himself with all speed, and he should see 
 how cleverly she would bubble her husband. 
 And having given him instructions what part he 
 M'as to play in this pageant, she ran to the door 
 and let in her husband, having laid the child in 
 the place where she and the friar had been dally- 
 ing. Oh ! my dear, said she, / had little thought 
 of seeing this hour, that we should be in da7iger 
 of losing our little son and heir ! hut had not it 
 been for friar Rinaldo, (whom the Lord sent 
 hither in the critical minute) I am certain we 
 never had seen the dear little creature again. 
 The husband with some concern desired her 
 tell him what the matter was, and what the 
 child ailed. Alas ! my dear husband, (replied 
 the cunning gipsy) at first I was almost dead 
 myself to see the poor child swoon away in the 
 manner he did, for I thought he immediately 
 would have given up the ghost, nor could I tell 
 what in the world to do. When, at that very 
 instant, friar Rinaldo came in, and taking the 
 sweet babe in his arms, said gossip, the child 
 is sick of the chest icorms, which gnaw on his 
 stomach and will be his death, unless! exorcise 
 them in such a manner that Fll warrant I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 109 
 
 will cure him and leave him as well as ever he 
 was in his life when I go hence. And because 
 we wanted you to saij certain prayers and you 
 were not to he founds he prevailed with his com- 
 panion to go tip oveihead, and say them ac- 
 cording^ to order. Friar Rinaldo and I having 
 shut ourselves into the room^ because none but 
 the mother and the child must be present at this 
 mystery, which obliged me to let you wait so 
 long at the door. The child I believe is still 
 in the friar's arms, and if his co7npanio?i had 
 but finished his prayers all would be over^ the 
 boy being perfectly recovered already. Tiie 
 simple cuckold bamboozled with this story, 
 fetching many a deep sigh from his heart, de- 
 sired to see the poor infant ; but she stopped 
 him with assui-ance that his going in would 
 spoil all the cure ; that she would see if the 
 operation were over, and then call him to the 
 joy. The friar by this means had time to dress 
 him at leisure, and hearing what she had said, 
 called out aloud: Do 1 not hear your husband P 
 he replying yes, very demurely, the friar having 
 composed himself to much gravity, bid him 
 come in, and thus with a solemn sanctified 
 countenance addressed himself to him : Here 
 take your little son, whom by the help of St, 
 Ambrose / have perfectly recovered, though 
 when first I saw him I could not believe he could 
 have lived till night. Therefore hear me, good 
 
ilO THB GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Sir, you must set up a waxen image of your 
 child's bigness before the image of St. Ambrose, 
 through whose merits this favor is bestowed on 
 your family . The father then taking up the 
 child in his arms as if he had raised him out 
 of his grave, began to kiss him, and to thank 
 the good friar for the wonderful cure. In the 
 meantime friar Rinaldo*s companion (that he 
 might play his part in this farce which he had 
 heard) came down stairs, and told father Ri- 
 naldo that he had said the four prayers he 
 had enjoined him. Which done the poor 
 husband made them a banquet, with store of 
 preserves and other sweetmeats, and the best 
 of his wine; and waiting on them out of the 
 house with a great deal of devotion, recom- 
 mended his family to St. Ambrose by the 
 prayers of good friar Binaldo, and causing his 
 child's image immediately to be made in wax, 
 set it up before the image of St. Ambrose, as a 
 testimony of the miracle. 
 
 The young wife of an old physician called 
 Agatho, in Messina in Sicily, made choice of 
 a brisk friar Minorette, for her confessor. And 
 in her confession she took care to discover her 
 mind in some measure, and her gay inclinations 
 to supply the defects of matrimonial duty in her 
 husband, and that she longed for a change of pas- 
 ture where she might find some better feeding. 
 Before he gave her absolution he enjoined her 
 
OP LUCIUS APULEIUS. Ill 
 
 the next day to feign herself ill of fits of the 
 mother (to which she was subject) when the 
 doctor was gone out to visit his patients ; and 
 call on St. Bernar dine and his relics for her cure. 
 She followed his instructions, and this Mino- 
 retle was intreated to bring the Saint's relics 
 and apply them to the patient. The friar finding 
 his plot succeed so well, came near the bed to 
 her, and seeing too many witnesses in the 
 room, told them he must begin the operation 
 with holy confession, which was enough to 
 make the whole company withdraw, so that 
 there only remained his companion and the 
 gentlewoman's maid. The company removed, 
 the maid and the mistress found other work to 
 do than confession. In the midst of their 
 employment, who should come home but the 
 poor old physician, not giving the friar time 
 to slip on his breeches, but just to leap out 
 of bed. But finding these two father confessors 
 so near his wife, he began to scratch his head 
 where it did not itch, not daring to speak what 
 he thought. But that which most aggravated 
 his woe, he found the friar's breeches under 
 his wife's pillow ; but she presently preventing 
 his resentment, said, sweet husband, because 
 the relics of the blessed St. Bernardine have 
 recovered me, I desired the good father to leave 
 them with me, fearing a relapse. The friar 
 being informed by the maid of the trick her 
 
112 THE GOLDKN ASS 
 
 mistress had put on her husband, resolving to 
 make the catastrophe of a piece with the co- 
 medy, returned with crosses, and bells, and sing- 
 ing, with the prior of the fraternity, and the 
 chief of the convent in procession, to fetch home 
 his breeches. And taking them out of a fair linen 
 cloth (in which the poor sick soul had wrapped 
 them) he made all the bystanders, the cuckold 
 and all, to kiss them, and having laid them up 
 in a shrine, carried home this wonderworking 
 relic in triumph. 
 
 In short, Madam, all that can be desired by 
 a woman of pleasure in a gallant, may be found 
 in an ecclesiastical lover. The church has 
 taken care that they shall be everyway agree- 
 able, in excluding all eunuchs and deformed 
 from the clergy. And as they are so well 
 qualified in person, so their character obliges 
 them to have some regard to decorum and 
 secrecy, and furnishes opportunity and se- 
 curity. 
 
 Theresa listened very attentively to what 
 I said, but I was not then sensible that I was 
 pleading against my own interest, in offering 
 her a new view of intrigue which yet she had 
 not experienced, and so agreeable to the 
 fickle inconstancy of her nature. But I soon 
 found I had not preached to the deaf, or ad- 
 vanced a doctrine to a scholar incapable of what 
 I taught. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 113 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Theresa's amour with a Dominican friar, and the 
 pleasant ill luck of the friar's attempts puts an end 
 to the affair. Fantasio's fears for himself from her 
 inconstancy and the Cardinal's brutal love to /tfm, 
 prevails with him to make his escape in womatis 
 clothes. 
 
 There is a monastery of Dominicans in Rome, 
 not a little celebrated and frequented for the 
 fraternity of the rosary of the blessed Virgin ; 
 at which church Donna Theresa very often paid 
 her devotions. Among the many jolly priests 
 of this house, she had cast her eye upon one 
 every way qualified for her design. He was 
 young, strong, and handsome, his colour fresh, 
 his eye black and full, lips ruddy, and teeth 
 white as ivory. On X\\m friar she fixed first for 
 her confessor, by that means letting him into the 
 secret of her inclinations. As she was extremely 
 beautiful and formed to give pleasure in its 
 height, so nature had given her an appetite 
 capable of receiving all the satisfaction and 
 transports of enjoyment in their utmost extent, 
 and as the friar s person was suflScient to raise 
 great desires in a person of her amorous con- 
 stitution, so he promised an ability of fully 
 gratifying what he raised. 
 
 Theresa was not satisfied with a mere infide- 
 
 VOL. I. I 
 
314 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 lity to me, but imposed the odious task on me 
 of accomplishing her falsehood, to whom slie 
 was yet too dear to let me be indifferent in such 
 an employment. 
 
 Fantasio (said she one day) do you love me P 
 You might as well ask me (replied 1) tvhether I 
 loved happiness, honor, and the greatest plea- 
 sure a man is capable of receiving 1 Is it possi- 
 ble for any one to see you, and not love you P Is 
 it possible for any man to possess such charms, 
 and not be infinitely fond of you ! Yes, Madam, 
 assure yourself that I can love nothing lik€ you, 
 and that in comparison of you, life itself is less 
 desirable. 
 
 But, Fantasio (resumed she again) do you love 
 me for my sake or your own / I inust confess. 
 Madam, (returned 1) my own satisfaction has 
 been so mingled in my fortunate passion, that 
 it is a difficult matter in what is past to separate 
 you from myself, but if you would put my love 
 for you to the test, command me to do anything 
 where my life may be in competitionwithy our will, 
 
 I am willing to believe you, (said she) but a 
 proof would confirm that belief grounded on 
 more than mere inclination. If you love m,e 
 more than yourself you will promote my plea- 
 sure in opposition to your own. In confidence 
 therefore of the truth of your professions, I shall 
 now make trial of their reality. Know then ! I 
 have seen a man who has made an impression 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 115 
 
 on mi/ heart, and without the possession of whom I 
 am perfectli/ miserable. I have no body I can trust 
 in the important secret but yourself. He knows 
 my inclinations and feels the same desires, and 
 opportunity alone is wanting to make me mis- 
 tress of all my wishes. Now you alone must be 
 the obliging instrument of my satisfaction. 
 Why do you start at the only way you can con' 
 vince me that you love me P Ah! Madam, (said 
 I n ith a deep sigh) loiiat have I done to provoke 
 your indignation so far as to command me the 
 only thing in which I can disobey you. For 
 this is to destroy the very being of my happiness, 
 and giving a certain proof that I do not love 
 you : for how can a man that loves endeavour 
 the delivering her whom he loves into the arms of 
 another / 
 
 Impotent in her desires she could not bear 
 my refusal, but with a thousand reproaches 
 told me that she would employ somebody else, 
 while the secret should die with me under her 
 resentment, by making a discovery of me to the 
 Cardinal. I was struck dumb with terror, and im- 
 mediately reflecting that being employed in the 
 affair I might find means of secretly disappoint- 
 ing the success, and to secure myself till I 
 could find some way of making my escape 
 from a family where 1 could expect nothing 
 but continual fears, and certain ruin in the 
 end; after a pathetical reproach of her incon- 
 
 I 2 
 
116 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 stancy and vows of my love and fidelity, I 
 assured her that her pleasure alone could en- 
 gage me, for life was no longer valuable since 
 I had lost her heart. 
 
 She taking my compliance on any consider- 
 ation sufficient for her use, ordered me to go to 
 the friar and appoint him to come the following 
 night about twelve, and assure him that a ladder 
 of ropes should be let down for him out of the 
 adjacent window on which he should mount to 
 happiness. I obeyed, and found the friar tran- 
 sported at the assignation. But I took care before 
 I came home to engage two or three friends to 
 be near the place at the hour appointed, yet so 
 concealed that they should not hinder the friar 
 from beginning to mount the ladder. And so I 
 returned home with my ladder of ropes, which I 
 procured, and hid till the hour of action. 
 
 Every thing being thus in order for his re- 
 ception, it is impossible to express the impa- 
 tience of Theresa for his arrival. I was at my 
 post, let down the ladder at the signal, and 
 held the end fast in the window. The friar 
 having fixed the end in the street was mounting 
 three or four steps, when my friends punctual 
 to their agreement, pretend to stumble at the 
 foot of the ladder, and then to seize the friar 
 as a thief attempting the Cardinal's palace. 
 The noise was my cue and I let go the lad- 
 der, down tumbles the priest, and in his fall 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 117 
 
 beats my two friends to the ground, and so be- 
 ing uppermost, nimbly leaps up first, and chose 
 to trust to his heels for his safety. They were 
 not long after him, and pursued him so close 
 that he was forced to take shelter in the public 
 privt/, nor thinking himself there secure, throws 
 himself into it, which falling into the common- 
 sewer, through all that filth he made his way to 
 the Tiber, and so his pursuers lost scent of 
 him. 
 
 In this woful pickle our ecclesiastical lover got 
 to the monastery, and soon to his bed. Theresa 
 was too uneasy at the adventure not to send me 
 the next morning to know what Avas become of 
 him. I found him in a most lamentable condi- 
 tion, and he gave me an account of his narrow 
 escape in all its circumstances. I found a secret 
 satisfaction at his ill fortune, but gave my lady 
 a faithful relation of all he had told me, which 
 though it gave her a sensible affliction, yet bated 
 not a whit of Iier inclination to attempt that 
 satisfaction which now had been disappointed. 
 
 It was some time, ere the good friar had re- 
 covered this scurvy adventure so far as to be 
 able to make another assignation, and being 
 now well again, there seemed too much hazard 
 in whoring abroad, and therefore he appoints the 
 rendezvous at home in the sacristy of his mo- 
 nastery, ordering her to be the next night at the 
 festival of the rosary y and to place herself incog- 
 
118 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 nito in that part of the church next the sacristy, 
 which he knew would be pretty well crowded, 
 and he would find means for her retiring from 
 the crowd without any notice, and then with 
 more security they might finish their loves. 
 
 I was to attend her at the sacristy door and 
 not to appear in the church, whence she easily 
 retreated to the field of battle. I saw her go in 
 ■with a heavy heart, but without any means of 
 disappointing them again. To discover it I 
 durst not, nor appear to have any hand in any 
 delay of their cursed satisfaction ; patience was 
 all the remedy I had, and venting secret curses 
 on the priest and Theresa^ But while these me- 
 lancholy reflections took up my thoughts, chance 
 and the priest's folly were more my friends than 
 I expected ; for of a sudden I heard the voice 
 of a woman in a passion too loud for the place 
 and the time. My surprise Mas scarce over 
 when I heard the door open, and saw my lady 
 come out in much haste veiled, and pursued by 
 another woman, whose violence was restrained 
 hy the force of the friar's arms. My lady and I 
 made all our speed away, and by the most secret 
 and roundabout streets got home safe. 
 
 Being come to herself and now in security, 
 she told me she was disappointed by a very odd 
 accident and the heedlessness of the friar, who 
 had appointed her his usual rendezvous with 
 another woman, who waiting as she often had 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 119 
 
 done before for his retiring to do her justice, 
 was in an obscure corner fallen asleep ; but the 
 friar proceeding to the cause of the meeting, 
 threw her head into the expecting lady's lap, 
 which Avaked her from her sleep into rage, and 
 that occasioned that noise, and her flight from 
 the virago she durst not encounter, for she was 
 not a little moved at the friar's infidelity, but 
 had sufficiently avenged it on Theresa, had not 
 the friar interposed. And this, my dear Fantasio, 
 said she, / take to he a judgment on my false- 
 hood to thee. I could not but shew my satisfac- 
 tion at that thought, and in vigorous embraces 
 endeavoured to regain a heart that was of too 
 volatile a nature to be long preserved. She 
 never expressed so much fire in the opening of 
 our amour as she discovered that night, and I 
 lost all my former disquiets in her arms. 
 
 But the heat of desire being over and finding 
 her grow every day bigger and bigger, I had 
 serious thoughts of securing myself by a speedy 
 escape. But that which hastened the execution 
 of my design, was the strait I was in by the 
 Cardinal's adresses, which had reduced me to 
 that, that I must feel the weight of his resent- 
 ment, or yield to the gratifying his infamous 
 lust the next night. 
 
 I always had the liberty of Theresa's closet 
 and wardrobe, and being pretty well furnished 
 with the money 1 had got in this service, she 
 
120 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 having- left me alone to go about some affair in 
 which she had no occasion for me, 1 found a suit 
 of her's of two years standing that fitted me very 
 well. Having that day provided horses (for I 
 would not venture with the Procaccio or a Vet- 
 turino) for the next morning, I dressed myself in 
 women's apparel, and taking my money I got 
 out of Rome as soon as the gate was open, taking 
 my road directly to the province of Barri, where 
 I had a relation who would take care of me till 
 I got to some other part of the world. 
 
 My fears made me hasten my journey, and 
 we rode very hard till coming near the Appenines 
 in the Abruzzo we saw a party of horse almost 
 crossing our road at some distance, but I little 
 thought they were banditti, as we afterwards 
 found them. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 121 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Of Signor Fantasio's heinr) taken hy the banditti, and 
 the adventure of the two Franciscan friars, who 
 were severely whipped and turned out of doors naked, 
 for using the fair ladies their host had provided for 
 them. 
 
 My guide was not so ignorant as myself, but 
 as yet uncertain of the truth made a halt, and 
 told me he was afraid they would prove a gang 
 of banditti. Their confused and irregular 
 march, as well as their dress, persuaded us that 
 they were no soldiers, and yet we plainly dis- 
 covered that they were armed not only with 
 swords and pistols, but with fusees. This 
 growing every moment more plain, my guide 
 wheeled about, and turning his horse towards 
 Portcllo and Rome, advised me to follow him 
 with my utmost speed. Not staying for my 
 answer, but setting spurs to his horse be never 
 looked back till he \vas out of sight. But I was 
 too much distracted between two such extremes, 
 to fix with resolution on either; so losing my 
 guide, with an easy but unwilling gallop I 
 followed at a distance. I could not but dread 
 falling into the hands of the Cardinal, when I 
 reflected on the lamentable fate of Casanatta ; 
 on the other hand, the present danger was too 
 
122 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 terrible to suffer me to be indifferent. In the 
 midst of tliis distraction I came to a by-road 
 that turned off from the direct way to Rome, and 
 in all probability might enable me to escape 
 this gang of banditti. Whipping, therefore, 
 my horse with all my force and strength, I 
 made all the speed forward I could, till hearing 
 myself pursued with the sound of many horses, I 
 kept on my pace till I found myself surrounded 
 with half a score banditti, who seizing my horse 
 and rifling my pockets, commanded me to go 
 with them without more ado, assuring me that, 
 if I attempted to make my escape, they would 
 send such a volley of bullets along with me, as 
 should soon put a stop to my journey. 
 
 I gave them all the fair words in the world, 
 and hoped as they were men of honor, they 
 would have some regard to my sex and content 
 themselves with what I had, without acting any 
 thing to the prejudice of my virtue or safety. 
 The mode and matter of my clothes were too 
 fashionable and rich, not to inspire them with 
 the hope of a considerable ransom for my per- 
 son, as promising a woman of the first figure 
 and quality. They therefore assured me, that I 
 might be as easy as in my own house, my 
 virtue and life being not what they sought, but 
 the money which I must procure for my liberty. 
 Unable to appease this first frown of fortune, I 
 bore it with a patience that made my captivity 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 123 
 
 easy, and according to their command, I rode 
 briskly on with them as gay and good hu- 
 moured as if nothing had happened. 
 
 We had not travelled far towards the foot of 
 the Appenines, but coming into a wild solitary 
 thicket, we, at a little distance, discovered two 
 men lying extended beneath an olive shade, 
 stark naked and all bloody, though visibly 
 alive. One of the company rid up full speed to 
 hinder their escape till we got up to them, being 
 willing to know the cause of their condition. 
 We soon found by their shaved heads they were 
 a brace of jolly Franciscans, one about five and 
 twenty, the other near forty. On our inquiry 
 how' they came into that woful condition, the 
 elder assured us that they had been set upon b)^ 
 robbers, spoiled of their habits, and whipped in 
 that manner because they had no money. When 
 the other still lying on his belly cried out, Why 
 dost thou add a lie to thy other crimes, into 
 which thou hast drawn the frailty of my youth ? 
 
 This contradiction betMeeu the friars raised 
 their curiosity to hear the truth of the story, 
 which on some importunity and adding some 
 threats, the younger friar thus began to relate : 
 
 Within a few miles of this place there lives an 
 impious knight in a solitary castle, fit for the 
 darkness of his crimes and dissoluteness of his 
 life; it seems always remarkable for his enmity 
 to our order : but ignorant of his malice, in 
 
124 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 our journey from Rome to our monastery, we 
 repaired to his dwelling as we commonly do to 
 good catholics, for the charitable support of a 
 night's lodging. The hypocrite received us 
 with all the respect and pious veneration of a 
 good christian and a firm devotee to St. Francis. 
 He first refreshed us with the finest choice wine 
 in his castle, then set us to a table plentifully 
 furnished with the most curious viands of the 
 season. Still more earnest to please us, the 
 dishes removed he pushed round the glass, which, 
 being tired with a hot and tedious journey, we 
 drank with an innocent freedom. The evening 
 came on, he shewed us to our chamber, and 
 concluding as we imagined, with a glass to our 
 repose, he then, with a thousand caresses and 
 a face full of sincerity, told us that he thought 
 his entertainment far from complete, if he de- 
 nied us any benefit of his house, which with a 
 Roman hospitality he bestowed on his friends : 
 that since we had eat and drank freely, it was 
 to be supposed a beautiful young girl would be 
 no ill digestion, and that he had one for each, 
 as charming and compliant as we could desire. 
 Not yet yielding to the temptation, I told him 
 with all the humble resentment due to our past 
 obligations, that those were pleasures we had 
 forsworn by a solemn vow of chastity. But 
 drinking round another glass, he applied him- 
 self thus to my brother, assuring him he might 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 125 
 
 be free with him as a firm devotee to our order, 
 that he was sensible, that flesh and blood were 
 not put off with the form of a few words, and 
 that nature required a vent where she admitted 
 a repletion ; that religious vows and oaths were 
 matters of form and of use to the service of 
 religion, but not so binding to particulars as 
 never to find a temporary breach. So waiting 
 for no answer, on ringing a bell two beautiful 
 young ladies entered the room ; they were in a 
 charming loose undress, with their swelling 
 bosoms all bewitchingly exposed to the eye, and 
 sitting down by us provoked us to freedoms 
 which they would not resist. First stealing our 
 hands to their snowy white bosoms, they set us 
 in such a confusion that our blood flying into 
 our cheeks discovered desire too much in our 
 eyes. The gentleman withdraws, and leaves us 
 to ourselves to act what we pleased, without 
 any witness but the actors in the pleasure. Being 
 now left alone, my experienced brother threw 
 off his habit and virtue at once, and meeting no 
 resistance, soon arrived at the joy he desired. 
 But I not yet used to affairs of this nature, with 
 a bashful ignorance proceeded no further than 
 kisses and caresses, while he reproaching my 
 coldness would fain have diverted my lady in 
 the same manner. But then raised by desire 
 and pushed on by jealousy, and authorised by 
 example, I attempted with fear what she gave 
 
126 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 without any. Having in these amorous en- 
 gagements now passed at least an hour, and being 
 fast locked in one another's arms, the doors 
 bursting open, the knight and his servants en- 
 tering seized on us as we were all naked, they 
 whipped us with cords as long as they were able, 
 each minute upbraiding us in this manner, 0/ 
 ye wicked hypocrites, (said the knight) is this your 
 singular vow of chastity ? Is it thus that you 
 use to conquer your temptations ? Had these been 
 my wife and my daughters thus you had used 
 them ! Tired now with reproaches and blows, 
 thus bloody and naked as we are he turned us 
 out of doors. 
 
 The company seemed diverted with the honest 
 confessions of the young friar, and on his desire 
 of some old cloak or rag, to cover their 
 nakedness, till they reached their convent and 
 better accoutrements, assuring them of a plenary 
 indulgence for all their transgressions, from their 
 singular patroness, the blessed Virgin Mary; 
 one of the youngest of the gang satisfied with the 
 bribe and the young friar's ingenuity, threw 
 him a piece of an old mantle, but charged him 
 not to give his brother any bit of it, who had 
 put such a scandal on their profession as to say 
 he had been robbed by the banditti. 
 
 When leaving them to their shifts we galloped 
 amain, till through various by-ways, unbeaten 
 paths, solitary woods, lanes, and commons, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. ]27 
 
 we arrived at the foot of a prodigious high 
 craggy mountain, that seemed to kiss the ve^i-y 
 skies and overlook the clouds that hung down 
 around it, hiding its lower parts from the eye of 
 the sun. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 An account of Fantasio'5 arrimng at the handittVs 
 castle. The relation of their robbing Cardinal Four- 
 bin. A7id the ill success they met with in personat- 
 ing Cardinal Sermonetti. 
 
 The mountain was terrible to behold for its vast, 
 abrupt, and steepy height, while the brown' 
 shades of the forests that overspread the whole 
 hill, struck a horror into the beholder, our way 
 was through frequent and little narrow deep 
 valleys, rugged with numerous and hollow 
 ditches, everywhere beset and overgrown with 
 thorny bushes and brambles, which crossed 
 over the blind road from side to side, and with 
 the sharp and inaccessible rocks which flanked 
 the paths on each side of this hollow, yielded a 
 natural defence as it surrounded the steep of 
 the hill, from the very summit of which boiled 
 up in many large bubbling springs, a plentiful 
 fountain of water, which tumbling down the pre- 
 cipices of the hill, disembogued the silver flood 
 
128 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 in vast and natural cascades ; whence being 
 dispersed in abundance of little rivulets, and 
 M'atering those valleys with a sort of standing 
 pools, like pacific seas or sluggish streams, 
 invested the whole. 
 
 The high lower, or castle of their abode, rose 
 up on the very brow of a hideous precipice, set- 
 ting out its sides every way beyond the margin of 
 the hill. Before the entrance instead of bul- 
 warks, were various little by-paths and mounds 
 of earth in small mazes, defending the avenues 
 by cunning and force. This place we may call 
 the court of the banditti, large enough for the 
 reception of themselves, their horses, their pri- 
 soners, and spoil. There was nothing like a 
 habitation near it, but a little hut covered with 
 straw, placed on the neck of the isthmus as I 
 may call it, that joined the plan of the castle io 
 the rest of the mountain, where the rogues by 
 their lots kept sentinel every night to prevent a 
 surprise. 
 
 Well loaded with plunder our party has admis- 
 sion, and coming into the court they with 
 volleys of oaths call out an old decrepit hag, 
 who alone seemed to have the care of the health 
 and repast of such a number of men. Where art 
 thou^ thou old hag P Thou property of the 
 grave; thou affront to life^ out-cast of hell; 
 must only you and he damned, enjoy yourself at 
 home, and not get us our supper, in order to 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 129 
 
 refresh us after our toils and fatigues all the day^ 
 What art thou horn only for thy ungodly belly, 
 doing nothing day nor night but guzzle down 
 our wine and devour our food, with an avari- 
 cious thirst and hunger that cannot be main- 
 tained P Tur?i out, you hell-dam. The poor old 
 wretch, now trembling M'ith age, in a thin 
 squeaking voice and fearful tone, tried to pacify 
 their causeless rage and customary billinsgate : 
 Be not in a passioii, my heroes, my brave boys, 
 my hearts of oak and lungs of leather, your sup- 
 per is ready, well seasoned and plentiful, bread 
 in abundance, your boicls well cleaned and re- 
 plenished with wiiie, a good fire to warm you, 
 and water to tcash you. 
 
 This wise discourse being over, and their 
 eager stomachs appeased with tiie assurance of 
 an immediate supply, they convey their plunder 
 to their storehouse, wash and warm themselves, 
 and the provision being placed on the table, 
 every one soon threw himself into the seat that 
 was next him. They were scarce yet seated, 
 M'hen in comes another much larger troop of 
 young fellows, whom we might easily perceive 
 to be of some society of the pad, since they 
 brought in their prey of gold and silver vessels, 
 rich silks, brocaded cloths of gold and the like; 
 and having washed and warmed themselves, they 
 scamper to the table higgledy piggledy. They 
 ate and they drank without order or decorum, 
 Vol. I. K 
 
130 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 voraciously devouring, not eating their meat, 
 throwing down whole cargoes of potage, moun- 
 tains of bread, and oceans of liquor. Their 
 mirth was clamor, their singing noise, their 
 raillery abuse ; and the general confusion and 
 hurry gave an image of what the poets feign of 
 the feasts of the wild LapithcB and Centaurs. The 
 old woman and myself in the meanwhile, were 
 by favor or contempt, placed at a side table, 
 or rather stool, very indifferently set out. The 
 fury of their stomachs being now pretty well 
 appeased, one of the gang that seemed of some- 
 thing more authority than the rest, thus began • 
 / think my bullies, we who stormed the house 
 of the old miser Arpino of Mola, came off with 
 as much success as courage, since our virtue luis 
 not only brought off riches in abundance, but 
 restored us to our intrenchinents entire and 
 without the loss of a man, sine clade victores ; 
 nay, if it be any advantage, we have come home 
 six feet stronger than we went out : but you, who 
 made your excursions into the cities of the Cam- 
 pagna di Roma, lessened by the loss of your brave 
 leader Spadavoni, have brought home thin and 
 broken squadrons, whose lives and safety I should 
 have preferred to all the rich plunder and booty 
 you have by your valor added to our treasure. 
 But the brave Spadavoni, by whatever way or 
 means his excessive and enterprisirig virtue de- 
 stroyed him, as the memory of so great a man 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 131 
 
 deserves, shall ever be celebrated among the inns', 
 trious princes and commanders who have been 
 eminent in the glories of the field. 
 
 But while he fell in some brave exploit., you, I 
 suppose, being provident rogues and thieves of 
 discretion, were on the sure lay, pilfering little 
 thefts among the mob, fearfully nimming a cloak 
 or rifling some old woman s bulk of a stock to set 
 up a piece-broker s shop. 
 
 In the midst of this learned harangue, one of 
 the gang- that came home last took him up very 
 pertly in this manner: Thou art indeed a thief 
 of great knowledge, who only art ignorant that 
 the houses of men of quality are broken open 
 with more safety and less difficulty, than those 
 of a lower degree. For though in a nobleman's 
 palace there are a greater number of people, and 
 those spread over every part of the house, yet 
 being servants, they have always more regard 
 to their own security than to their master's 
 goods and riches. Whereas the solitary and 
 thrifty men who have only themselves to look 
 to their little stocks, are more wary and resolute, 
 careful in defending their small fortune or their 
 secret wealth, dissembled in an artificial poverty, 
 with the hazard and expense of their blood and 
 their lives. An example will confirm the truth 
 of my assertion in the person of our great and 
 regretted Spadavoni. 
 
 While our party was dispersed about the pa- 
 
 K 2 
 
132 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 trimony of St. Petei\, Spadavoni, myself, and 
 four more continued at Roma la Sancta, to try 
 if in the midst of all her great holiness, we could 
 find opportunity of supplying our occasions. 
 Cardinal Fourhin made a splendid entertain- 
 ment for all the French faction^ to which a 
 great many resorted of the first quality, whose 
 servants walked without in the anti-chamera, 
 or anti- chamber, while their lords were enjoy- 
 ing- the Cardinal's wine within. The servants 
 of the family were retired to their own supper, 
 while Spadavoni equipped in a cassock, like a 
 steward, entered the anti-chamber with a torch 
 before him, and we dressed like porters attend- 
 ing him; he desired those, who sat on a chest 
 of plate that stood there, to rise up, that he might 
 remove it. They were no sooner got up, but 
 he ordered us porters to take it up and carry 
 it away, which we did without hinderance or 
 molestation, by any of the numerous train 
 that attended, or of the Cardinal's servants, 
 who were more intent on their supper than 
 their master's security. Being got out of the 
 palace, we conveyed it to our confederate near 
 the Tiber, where disposing the plate into more 
 secret repositories, we soon altered the property 
 of the chest by the help of the fire. 
 
 However, to avoid meeting any of the com- 
 pany who might have observed us in the anti- 
 chamera, having' engaged a fellow that was 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 133 
 
 llie very picture of Cardinal Sermonetti, and 
 having procured a Cardinal's habit, and coun- 
 terfeited a bull impowering him to gather in 
 the tithes of the Marca d'Ancona^ and hired 
 two or three servants on our way, we set out of 
 Rome, and passed with our train with all the re- 
 spect and success we could hope or desire. 
 We took care, indeed, to avoid all great towns, 
 for fear of a discovery of our imposture. But 
 having had good success in all our attempts 
 (every one taking our false Cardinal for the true 
 Sermonetti) we passed through JRomagjia, and 
 came too near to Bononia for our advantage; 
 for the Bishop of Fermo (who was the Pope's 
 Vice-legate in that city) hearing of our transac- 
 tions, sent a gentleman of his, who had for- 
 merly been a servant in the family of Sermo- 
 netti, to pay us his compliment, who, on his 
 return to the Bishop, assured him that it was 
 not the Cardinal himself, but some rogue that 
 went in his habit ; this assurance of his gentle- 
 man concurring with our ignorant and uncaa- 
 tious Cardinal's not having observed the usual 
 ceremonies and solemnities which men of his 
 post and dignity used to observe, he de- 
 putes the same gentleman with a party of sol- 
 diers, and a commission to bring our Cardi- 
 nal and his accomplices before him, provided 
 he was sure that he was not the person whose 
 name he assumed. 
 
134 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Spadavoni on the first message from the 
 Bishop, and the dubious words of the messen- 
 ger, concluded this scene near an end ; where- 
 fore having taken care of great part of the cargo, 
 with one or two of our gang made his way to 
 our place of rendezvous, with orders for me 
 and another to stay and attend the event, and 
 if danger ensued and the enemy should be too 
 strong for us, to make a timely retreat; to bring 
 off the imaginary Cardinal, if possible, he being 
 a man of such admirable parts and addres?, 
 and of courage equal to Hannibal or C(ssar ; 
 but if that were not practicable, that leaving 
 the strangers with him, we should make the 
 best of our way to our appointed place of 
 meeting. 
 
 Spadavoni was not long gone but the 
 Bishop's gentleman returns with a troop of horse, 
 whose commander he ordered to seize the im- 
 postor ; which he, acting with a severity and 
 resolution extraordinary, asserted his authority, 
 charged them to take heed what they did, thun- 
 dering out threats at them all in so terrible a 
 manner, as made them all tremble at his ana- 
 thema's, and bearing it out in as high and lofty 
 terms, as any of the proudest Cardinals in Rome 
 could have done on such a violence offered. The 
 soldiers, ( who made no small scruple to assault 
 him, their captain leading the way and pulling 
 off his Cardinal's cap, discovered his want of ears, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 135 
 
 which he had lost in some noble exploit) now 
 press in upon him and carry him prisoner to 
 Bononia, with two of his men who knew 
 nothing of the cheat, while I and my fellows in 
 the crowd made our escape. I ventured in dis- 
 guise to observe the event of this affair, and to 
 try if any means Avould offer to set him at liberty. 
 He was too well guarded, and too nicely 
 watched, for us to bring him any assistance ; 
 for being condemned by the Vice-legate, we saw 
 him hanged in a Cardinal's habit at St. Petronws 
 gate, wearing on his head a mitre of paper and 
 this inscription over him : II Re di Lardi, that is, 
 the King of Thieves. He had six thousand crowns 
 in gold about him, which was nothing to what 
 Spadavoni and the rest of us carried away. 
 
136 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The robbers continue their relations. The unfortunate 
 end of their leader Spadavoni, in his attempt to get 
 into an old banker's house: the same ill fate of 
 Aquino, in his pillaging an old woman who by a 
 stratagem threw him out ofwindoxo. Francisquinos' 
 exploits at Sienna and his death. Their notable 
 design on the house of a Florentine Marquis in the 
 shape of a bear, in which Sparapani perished most 
 manfully. 
 
 After this unhappy catastrophe of our new 
 associate, we all of us repaired to our leader, 
 and having disposed of our purchase in places 
 of security, we set out in quest of new adven- 
 tures. For changing our habits we returned to 
 Rome, safer there than anywhere else, by the 
 largeness and populousness of that city. Our 
 first business was, and which is the naasterpiece 
 of our art, to inquire out the people of popular 
 fame for their riches: in which inquiry, a 
 rich old miser called Ceano, escaped not our 
 knowledge. This man was master of an incre- 
 dible wealth and a hanker by trade, who for 
 fear of public offices and payments, with 
 an abundance of art concealed an abun- 
 dance of money. He lived solitarily alone, 
 in a little but strongly fortified house, in that 
 part of the city which is called La Isola or the 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. l37 
 
 Island ; where in a habit beggarly and patched 
 he sat continually brooding over his bags of 
 silver and gold. In a council of war, it was 
 therefore agreed to begin our campaign with 
 this hanker, because our destined combat being 
 but against one, we flattered ourselves with the 
 success of a speedy possession of vast hoarded 
 treasure. So without any delay, we set ourselves 
 on the watch in the beginning of the evening 
 about his suspicious doors. Which, the night 
 being advanced, we durst not attempt to force 
 off the hinges or burst open, least the noise of 
 the assault should alarm the neighbourhood to 
 our destruction ; our generous and brave leader, 
 Spadavonij full of his wonted and eminent 
 virtue, endeavoured by stratagem to compass 
 our ends. There Avas a little wicket in the door, 
 by which the miser gave answers in the evenings, 
 and received any message sent him about busi- 
 ness, never opening the door to his nearest ac- 
 quaintance after it was once fastened ; by won- 
 derous art and dexterity Spadavoni picked the 
 lock, yet could not get it wide enough for an 
 easy pursuit of his enterprise, by reason of a 
 small chain that went behind it. However 
 bearing his arm, he by force thrust it in to reach 
 the bar of the door, and manage it by degrees 
 from the place it was fixed in. But that worst 
 of two-footed dogs, old Ceano, too wakeful with 
 fear of his god iu his bags, had plainly observed 
 
13$ THE GOLDEN AS& 
 
 all that was done, and with profound silence and 
 careful soft steps, steals up to the door with a 
 great nail in one hand and a hamnaer in the 
 other, and with one sound and sudden blow, 
 nails the hand of our unfortunate leader to the 
 bar of the door, and getting up to the top of his 
 little sty as we may call it, he began to cry out 
 fire as loud as he could, calling every neighbour 
 by name to come to his assistance for their own 
 sakes. The nearness of the evil soon roused all 
 the people to his rescue, whom else they would 
 never have stirred one foot to preserve. 
 
 Being now in a wood, what to do, and every 
 way surrounded with danger and disgrace, either 
 of falling into their hands altogether, or of 
 leaving our noble fellow-soldier in the briars, 
 we, by his consent, from the present necessity of 
 our affairs, took the middle course between these 
 extremes. We, therefore, with an admirable 
 dexterity cut off his arm close to his shoulder, 
 and clapping all the linen we had to the wound 
 that we might not be traced by the blood, 
 marched off the ground with our utmost speed, 
 bearing Spadavoni in our arms, and leaving only 
 his arm, a spoil too noble for the miser. The 
 growing tumult was too near, his weakness too 
 great, to keep pace with our necessary flight, 
 which by supporting him must needs be much 
 retarded, he master of an heroic mind and 
 virtue extraordinary, having in vain begged us 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 139 
 
 with his utmost earnestness, by our military 
 oath and the common ties of society, to deli- 
 ver him from tortures and captivity, urging 
 that it was too ignoble a fate for a banditti of 
 courage to outlive the loss of his arm, by which 
 only he could rob and cut the throats of rogues 
 richer than we, and that he should be happy 
 to die by the hands of his friends ; finding all 
 his arguments could not prevail with any of us to 
 be guilty of so voluntary a parricide, taking out 
 his sword in that hand which yet remained, and 
 fixing many a warlike kiss upon it, with one 
 bold and home stroke, he pierced his manly 
 heart. Then paying a profound veneration to 
 the exemplary virtue of our leader, we soon 
 commit his body to the Tiber. He gave himself 
 indeed a death worthy the heroic exploits of his 
 life, and had the most famous river in the world 
 for his grave. 
 
 Aquino in the meanwhile, with happy begin- 
 nings having endeavoured to repair this loss in 
 La Isoloj near the gate del Populo, met with a 
 no less sinister event. With equal address and 
 safety having got into the house of an old woman, 
 without so much as waking her, by the false 
 step of not first despatching her was deprived of 
 the triumph of his prowess ; for coming into 
 her chamber, and having thrown great part of 
 her goods out at window down to us, and having 
 now pretty well finished Iiis work without any 
 
140 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 discovery, lie would needs fake the bed from 
 under the old hag*, M'hich waked her and 
 brousfht her on her knees to him as he was 
 going to throw it out of the window after the 
 rest; / beg you, my son, said this wheedling old 
 beldam to Aquino, tell me why you take the 
 poor patched coverlets from a wretched old woman, 
 to give them to my wealthy neighbour, into whose 
 garden this window directly conveys them, 
 
 Aquino deceived with this subtle pretence, 
 believing that she told him nothing but truth, 
 lest what he had already thrown out, and what 
 yet remained, should fall into the hands of 
 strangers, not his companions, the night being 
 dark, he hung himself out of the window to the 
 utmost stretch of his arms, to examine exactly 
 the truth of the matter, and take a narrow obser- 
 vation of the next house, which she had told 
 him would carry off all his plunder: which 
 while he was performing with his utmost care 
 and last imprudence, the old woman's stratagem 
 took effect, who though weak with age, yet now 
 strengthened with fear and despair, with one 
 sudden and unexpected thrust, she sent him 
 down headlong to the ground. The height 
 which he fell, and a vast stone that received him, 
 broke several of his ribs, and made such a mor- 
 tal contusion in his body, that vomiting up 
 rivulets of blood, only able to tell us what had 
 passed in the midst of the most dreadful pains in 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 141 
 
 the workl, expired on the spot. We immediately 
 gave him the same manner of burial we had 
 began, and sent him a follower to his noble 
 leader Spadavoiii. 
 
 Being' wounded thus with a double blow in 
 the loss of our two brave companions, weary of 
 this Roman expedition, we left that city, and 
 took our course towards Florence^ on a design 
 noble as dangerous, yet which, if we had not 
 lost the brave young Rinaldo in, we should not 
 blush at relating. We were obliged to make 
 some stay at Sienna, in order to prepare our 
 machines for our opera, which would take up 
 some weeks to bring to perfection. But not to 
 lose our time, and to secure ourselves from 
 suspicion, Francisquino, a man of the best 
 figure and address among us, is set out like a 
 man of quality, taking one of the best houses in 
 the city, and most of our gang passed for his 
 servants. His bounty and magnificence made 
 him soon taken notice of, and he kept open 
 house for all gentlemen and persons of quality 
 to game at. By this means and his good address 
 in the art, he made a tolerable shift to defray his 
 expenses, but that not being sufficient for the 
 end we pro[)osed, on the arrival of any strangers 
 of figure, he invited them to his house, and 
 having entered them at play, on their second visit 
 we took care decently to cut their throats and 
 bestow their bodies in the privy. 
 
142 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Our machine being ready, the best part of us 
 departed a by-way towards Leghorn, to fall into 
 the road from that town to Florence, having hired 
 a close cart and a couple of mules to draw it. 
 Francisqidno soon took other servants in our 
 places, which afterwards was the cause of his 
 ruin. For they not being in the secret, and 
 sent away to bed when the company was yet at 
 play, took care to watch the matter more closely, 
 and discovering the exploits of Francisquino 
 and our comrades, gave secret information of 
 the matter to the magistrates, who coming in the 
 night seized the supposed master and all his 
 confederates, except Tancredo, who made his 
 escape to us to Florence, while Francisquino and 
 the rest were cruelly put to death in the most 
 rigorous and ignominious manner in the world, 
 after they had trod on the necks of fourteen 
 scoundrels, and had now in the house fourteen 
 thousand florins, all seized and lost with them. 
 
 But to pass from this melancholy loss to our 
 journey to Florence, you must know that the 
 great Duke has a place near his stables which 
 is called the Seraglio, where the wild beasts were 
 kept, which are often made to fight with one 
 another: there are lions, leopards, tigers, wol- 
 ves, wild boars, and foxes, all which they let 
 out severally at the doors of their dens into a fair 
 court to fight ; when they have fought as long 
 as the Duke pleases, a man inclosed in a wooden 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 143 
 
 green dragon, putting lights at his eyes, and 
 moving it on wlieels, frights them all into their 
 dens again. The Prince and court in the mean- 
 time standing above in security, see all the 
 combat. 
 
 The overseer of these sports was the Marquis 
 Horatio Balalti Nerli, a person of great magni- 
 ficence and fortune, whose house was adjoining" 
 to that of the Seraglio ; he lived in a splendor 
 worthy his fortune, and gave ample rewards to 
 all such as brought any wild beast to present 
 him or the grand Duke. It happened about 
 this time that there was a sort of mortality 
 among the beasts which had very much reduced 
 their number, either by the heat of the weather 
 or want of that air and liberty their captivity 
 denied them. This ruin of their sports gave us 
 a happy opportunity of accomplishing our 
 designs. For having made a machine with an 
 admirable art at Sienna, inclosed in the skin of 
 a bear of monstrous size, in which we left room 
 for a man to place himself so as to move all the 
 parts of the beast with an action and motion 
 equal to the life : we then proposed a common 
 oath of secresy and fidelity, and that some one 
 of our company more excellent for the courage 
 of his mind, than strength of his body, should 
 voluntarily and freely of his own motion, be 
 inclosed in this machine, and execute the per- 
 son and offices of the bear : by which means 
 
144 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 being received into the Marquis*s house, he 
 should in the night let in his comrades. 
 
 This admirable invention being as exactly per- 
 formed as thought of, and generally approved, 
 not a few of our gang were ambitious of the 
 charge ; but among the candidates with a 
 nemine contradicente, the choice fell on Prospero 
 Sparapani. Who immediately with a counte- 
 nance serene and intrepid takes possession of the 
 new form, and by a speedy metamorphosis was 
 changed into a formidable bear, convenient and 
 imperceptible holes being made for his sight 
 and respiration. Thus transfigured into a beast, 
 with admirable courage and nimbleness he gets 
 into the cart, which having brought at last into 
 the road from Leghorn to Florence, we drove di- 
 rectly along to that city. Having thus artfully 
 laid the first grounds of our subtle design, our 
 progress was succeeded by no less happy impos- 
 tures. For having found by inquiry, that there 
 was one Niccoli, a merchant of Leghorn, who had 
 often correspondence with the Marquis on these 
 occasions, we forge a letter from Signor Niccoli, 
 importing, that he had sent the grand Duke a 
 present that would in some ineasure make amends 
 for his loss, in a bear of no common magiiitude. 
 The evening being now pretty well advanced, 
 we take the advantage of the dusky hour to bring 
 Prospero with Niccolis letter, to the house of f 
 
 the Marquis. Who admiring the noble large- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 145 
 
 ness of Ihe beast, and pleased with the present 
 of his friend, so well timed, ordered us imme- 
 diately to be paid twenty pieces for our pains. 
 Then, as is usual on such occasions, abundance 
 of people full of wonder and amaze flock round 
 the bear, out of curiosity to view a sight so new 
 and so pleasing, whose too near and inquisitive 
 eyes Sparapani forbid by his frequent mina- 
 cious looks and actions. 
 
 The Marquis immediately commanded the 
 beast to be had to his den, and gave order that 
 peculiar care should be taken of his food and 
 litter. This was the cue for me to interpose, 
 which I did in (his manner : Mi/ Lord, said I, 
 give me leave to inform you, that it is not safe 
 to commit this noble beast, now tired with the 
 heat and fatigue of a long journey to the com- 
 mon dens of the rest, especially since, as I under- 
 stand, there has been a sickness among them, from 
 whom this, being fresh may the more easily draw 
 in the infection ; you had better, my Lord, allow 
 him some cool place in your house near some 
 fresh water, for your Lordship must know that it 
 is the nature of these creatures to sleep in groves, 
 or over cold springs. By this means you may 
 have his den well washed and aired all this night, 
 and put him in with more safety to-morrow . 
 
 The Marquis was not a little startled at what 
 I said, and remembering what a number had 
 already been lost, he suffered us with ease to 
 
 Vol. I. L 
 
146 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 place the wooden cage ( in which we had in- 
 closed him ) in what manner we pleased. We 
 offered our service to watch him all night, to 
 give him his meat and his drink, according to 
 his custom, and do every thing that was neces- 
 sary to his weary condition. There is no need 
 replied the Marquis to give you that trouble. 
 I have men enough who have been used to 
 these creatures, to do all that is necessary. So 
 taking our leave we departed and made the 
 best of our way to an old ruined monastery, in 
 which we found a dark cave or burying place, 
 much out of the way, where we open the cof- 
 fins, empty now of all but some few ashes and 
 remains of the dead, which we removed to 
 make room for the future plunder we promised 
 ourselves from a design so well concerted, and 
 hitherto so prosperous. Observing the true 
 discipline of our order, we take the advantage 
 of the moonless night, and of the dead season, 
 when the first sleep with the greatest force and 
 firmness invades the eyes of men, and with 
 swords in our hands our hardy brigade took 
 their post near the gate of the Marquis, as a 
 certain and promising omen of our successful 
 spoliation of so valuable a fortress. 
 
 Sparapani was not idle in his post, but in the 
 deep silence of the night steals out of his cage 
 and with a sword kills all his keepers, now fast 
 asleep, double captives to Morpheus and Bac- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 147 
 
 chus, and little suspecting any such matter, 
 then decently despatching the porter of the house, 
 he softly opens the door and lets in our squadron, 
 to whom, now received into the bosom of the 
 palace, he shews the place where he had ob- 
 served the massive piles of plate had been laid up 
 the evening before ; which being broke open, 
 our order >vas with speed to bear off our plunder 
 of silver and gold to the secret repositories of 
 the dead I have mentioned, and then to come 
 back with our utmost expedition for a fresh car- 
 go ; while I alone, as that is still my office, was 
 left to attend at the door, and carefully to watch 
 all accidents till their sudden return. We 
 thought, that the running about of the bear as 
 got loose, would be our sufficient protection 
 from any interruption ; for who would not rather 
 fly than approach a creature of that fierce na- 
 ture, if any one should happen to be awake, 
 or roused by the noise ? and rather with more 
 industry fasten his doors, than set them open 
 for so terrible an encounter. But notwithstand- 
 ing all these politic precautions, our prosperous 
 beginnings brought forth a sinister event. 
 
 While I wait at the door the return of my 
 companions, a venturous bold rogue and ser- 
 vant of the Marquis, awaked by the noise, steals 
 softly towards it, and seeing the bear running 
 loose about the house makes a silent retreat, 
 and alarms all the house, and lets them know 
 
 L 2 
 
148 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 what he has seen, [n a moment the numerous 
 family is in arras, and the gloomy shades of 
 night are hanished by candles, links, and flam- 
 beaux, nor was any one unarmed of all that 
 appeared, some had clubs, some pikes, some 
 drawn swords, to stop and defend the avenues 
 against the bear, to these were added hounds 
 and vast dogs used to hunt such desperate 
 game, whom with all their endeavours they 
 hallooed to the onset. 
 
 While this tumult is rising I speed my flight 
 out of the house, yet so as 1 could, without 
 through the door, perceive the miserable com- 
 bat Sparajmni was forced to maintain with the 
 dogs. For though he was destitute of all 
 hopes of safety, and sure of being a sacrifice 
 to his malicious fortune, yet mindful of him- 
 self, us, and his ancient virtue, like another 
 Hercules he grappled with so many Cerherus's 
 at once. Keeping therefore that shape which 
 he had so manfully assumed, now flying, now re- 
 sisting, with the various motions and turns of his 
 body he gets out of the house. But alas! though 
 he had with such bravery and dexterity gained 
 the liberty of the street, it was not in the fates 
 that he should save himself by flight. For all 
 the dogs in the kennels now joining those 
 that pursued him out of the house, pressed him 
 too close for all hopes of escape. 1 beheld the 
 miserable melancholy sight, the valorous Spa- 
 rapani besieged by whole squadrons of dogs, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 149 
 
 and every minute in danger of the weapons of 
 liis eager pursuers. Too impatient any longer 
 to be a tame looker-on, I joined myself to the 
 crowd of people that surrounded him, hoping 
 so to bring ray distressed fellow soldier all the 
 secret help I could devise. Thus, therefore, I 
 spoke to the pursuers : It is a shame ice should 
 rob the great Duke of so noble a bcast^ by a too 
 violent assault on his life. But the people were 
 too eager to mind what I said, and a tall lusty 
 young fellow, coming out of the house thrust 
 his spear into the very breast of the bear, ano- 
 ther shot off his piece at his head, and every 
 one encouraging the other, they all sheathed 
 their pikes and swords in his body. 
 
 On the other side Sparapani, the glory and 
 honor of our tribe, as worthy of immortality 
 for his patience as great spirit, betrayed not 
 the faith and religion of his oath by the least 
 cry or groan : but being now rent and torn 
 by the teeth of the dogs, mangled with pikes 
 and swords, and pierced through with bullets, 
 bearing the tenor of his present case with a 
 generous vigor, with a serene sort of noise 
 he gave up the ghost. His wonderful defence 
 had struck such a terror into the company, that 
 none durst venture to touch him till the next 
 morning, when a butcher, much bolder than 
 the rest, adventured with his knife, though not 
 without fear, to uncase the noble thief from out 
 of the bearskin. 
 
150 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 An account of the banditti's excursion, and bringing 
 home a beautiful virgin called Camilla, from her 
 mother s arms, the very night before her day of 
 marriage. The excess of her grief: her ominous 
 dream, and favorable interpretation of it. Fan- 
 tasio'5 persuasions to ease her sorroios, and his 
 going to bed with her; and the dangerous tempta- 
 tions he passed with her that night. 
 
 Thus fell our brave Sparapaiii, but fell not 
 without great glory. On the first discovery our 
 careful companions got our horses to the place 
 where the trusty dead had preserved our plunder 
 for us, with all the speed they could make 
 they posted to the mountains, and there in 
 the solitudes of the Appenines waited my 
 arrival with the news of the catastrophe of the 
 tragedy I have told you. As we journeyed the 
 hills, and were getting out of the confines 
 of Florence, the loss we had sustained fur- 
 nished us with reflections on the brittle state of 
 human affairs, how little trust there was to be 
 reposed in this frail life, and how little difference 
 fortune pays to the most consummate virtue. 
 We were not a little concerned lest our dear 
 friend departed should quit this life with any 
 unjust thoughts of our conduct, and impute 
 our not succouring him in his distress to our 
 treachery, not want of power. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. l&l 
 
 Thus taking in our prey at our several haunts, 
 tired with the fatigue of the expedition, with 
 the loss of so many worthy comrades, we, that 
 remain, have brought you home the purchase 
 you have seen. 
 
 After this discourse the bowl went round 
 to the pious and immortal memory of the slain, 
 and having driven away these melancholy re- 
 flections on the dead with good store of rich 
 wine, they all go to rest. The old hag, that 
 was their housekeeper, had me up two or three 
 steps into a little room strongly barricadoed, 
 in which was a tolerable bed, in which with- 
 out undressing I laid me down to take some 
 repose, if my thoughts on my present condition 
 could allow me any intervals of rest. I had tor- 
 tured myself for some time with vain consi- 
 derations which afford no relief, till now 
 quite overcome with the weary toil of the 
 day, sleep with the auxiliary force of the night 
 sealed down my reluctant eye lids. 
 
 But I had not long enjoyed this repose, be- 
 fore I was M'aked with great confused noise of 
 curses and oaths, and leaping off the bed I 
 applied my eye to the key-hole of the door, 
 and found it was a tumultuary preparation of 
 the rogues for some new enterprise, who, at 
 midnight, were going out of their den in pur- 
 suit of some prize ; swords, pistols, and vizors, 
 they where all furnished with, when leading 
 their horses out of the court they all departed 
 
152 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 except the old woman and myself. It was now 
 almost morning, when the robbers return 
 with no other purchase but a beautiful young 
 virgin, whom they guarded with pistols and 
 swords in their hands. Her dress discovered 
 her to be a lady of the first quality of that 
 country, and her passion was so extreme as 
 must have moved any but such bloody and 
 barbarous rogues, who had lost all humanity in 
 a perpetual course of murder and rapine. 
 
 She tore her hair and rent her garments, 
 and filled all the place with pitiful complaints. 
 They, to appease the rage of her grief, gave her 
 assurance, that she might he secure of her life 
 and her virtue, desiring her to allow a little 
 patience to their advantage, whom necessity/ 
 had. driven to a trade so inhuman. Your pa-- 
 rent (continued they) though avaricious to a 
 fault,, yet out of such riches and possessions 
 will soon give tis a ransom, for you, to both our 
 contents. But all they could say, could not 
 put a stop to the young lady's complainings, 
 for reclining her lovely head upon her snowy 
 white bosom, she let fall whole showers of 
 bright tears that might have mollified the 
 hearts of any but them. So calling the old 
 woman, they gave her in charge to her, with 
 orders to place us together, since companions 
 in distress might alleviate her sorrows. But 
 all the old woman and I could urge for her 
 comfort, had little effect, while she answered 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS» 153 
 
 our discourse with tears and groans, and these 
 mournful plaintive words: Hoic can I cease 
 to weep (said she, with a penetrating sigh) or 
 even endure the burden of life in my present con- 
 dition P Wretch that I am., born of a family 
 so illustrious^ ravished away from parents so 
 pious and so indulgent ; deprived of my faith' 
 ful and loving servants, and made the un- 
 happy prey of rapine, slavishly confined to 
 this hideous stone prison, the innocent plea- 
 sures I teas born and bred to, arc now ba- 
 nished all from me, who lie under the terrible un- 
 certainty of torments, and life and horror in 
 the hands of such a number of banditti, the 
 horrid uncouth people of violence and the 
 sword. 
 
 lu the midst of these lamentations, her spirit 
 being quite spent by the agitation of her mind 
 and the weariness of her body, she was forced 
 to let her fair eye-lids fall together and allow 
 to sleep a shoit interval in her woe. But her 
 repose was not long, for starting on a sudden in 
 >\ild manner from her sleep, her grief had a 
 fresh and more violent rise. She beat her beau- 
 teous bosom and charming face with her 
 hands, and thus she answered with a torrent of 
 sighs our inquiry into the cause of this unex- 
 pected emotion. — Noio, alas ! I utterly perish in- 
 deed / Now I renounce all hope of my delivery and 
 life ; give me some ^neans of a speedy de,ath, 
 
154 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 pierce, pierce this breast with some sword or 
 dagger, or let me throw myself down some hor- 
 rid precipice. 
 
 The old woman at this put on a countenance 
 of anger, and with menacing looks demanded 
 the cause of her new grief, and what, since her 
 sleep could make her burst out into so unrea- 
 sonable an extravagance ? What, you have a 
 mind (continued the old hag) to deprive my 
 brave young masters of the benefit of your re- 
 demption, if you continue thus obstinate long, 
 in spite of your tears, which the banditti 
 have seldom any regard to, you shall be burned 
 alive. 
 
 Camilla (for that was her name) being ter- 
 rified with a threat so intolerable, taking hold 
 of the old woman's hand, she kissed her rivelled 
 flesh, or rather skin, with her vermilion lips, 
 and thus in a tender pathetic tone addressed 
 herself to her : Ah ! reverend mother (said she) 
 forgive me ; forgive the severity of my fortune, 
 and calling to your mind the duties of common 
 humanity which sure can never entirely quit 
 the breast of a woman, have a little patience 
 with my distress. Take but a view of the scene 
 of my calamity, and if pity be not wholly dried 
 up in your venerable age, you will not deny me 
 your compassion. 
 
 There lives in the city of Fundi, a young 
 gentleman of equal beauty and virtue, as 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. l55 
 
 chief of that place by his quality, so by com- 
 mon vote of the people the public son of the 
 city, by birth my relation, exceeding me but 
 three years in age, bred always together in the 
 same house, the same room, with mutual affec- 
 tions growing up with our persons, betrothed 
 to me by consent of our parents to share the 
 same bed ; the day is now come when in the 
 church he waits to confirm the public vows, 
 and crown both Ins and mine by the holy 
 nuptial tie ; attended with his friends, followers, 
 and servants, he waits with impatience to re- 
 ceive n-,e from my mother: but alas! while 
 my mother pressed me on her bosom, adorning 
 my body with her own hand, and fixing fre- 
 quent kisses on my cheek, full of joy and hope 
 of the blessing of grandchildren, on a sudden 
 there breaks into the house and so into the 
 chamber where I was, none of the coward family 
 making any resistance, a band of armed men 
 with their swords drawn and pistols in their 
 hands, and tearing me away from my dear 
 mother's arms, from her bosom panting with 
 fear and concern, half dead with terror, and 
 almost breathless with the agony of so ter- 
 rible a surprise ; and thus are my nuptials like 
 those of Atis and Protesilaus, disturbed and 
 disappointed by flite insupportable. 
 
 I3ut as if my past ills were insufl^cient to 
 make me most wretched, I was no sooner e-ot 
 
156 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 to sleep, but this scene full of horror renewed 
 and redoubled my misfortunes. Methought 
 I was borne with violence away from my apart- 
 ment, nay, from my very nuptial bed, calling 
 on my miserable husband for help, as I was 
 hurried through the devious and untrodden 
 ways of a wilderness ; while he, all 'crowned 
 with wreaths of flowers and odoriferous with 
 sweet waters, immediately pursued my steps, 
 flying on feet not my own ; and as he passed 
 along, in the midst of his complaints for the 
 loss of his dear and beautiful wife, he 
 implored the people's assistance to her rescue ; 
 when one of the robbers, that was bearing 
 me away, provoked with indignation at so 
 obstinate a pursuit, taking up a vast stone, 
 threw it at my husband and dashed out his 
 brains. This dream, so dismal, threw me into 
 such a grief, that it burst the bands of sleep 
 in the manner you saw. 
 
 The old woman on this seeming to indulge 
 her sorrows, addresses herself to her in the fol- 
 owing manner: Be of good heart, my charming 
 young daughter, and do not torment your sweet 
 self in so barbarous a manner, at the vain ter- 
 rors and false omens of a mere idle dream. 
 For besides that in the day time false images 
 of things are naturally represented, so even 
 those of the night always prognosticate by con- 
 traries. For to weep, to sigh, to groan, and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 157 
 
 sometimes to be wounded to death in our 
 dreams, are certain promises of advantageous 
 and lucky events. On the otlier side, to laugh 
 and be merry, to fill one's belly with delicious 
 food, or to come to venereal enjoyments, fore- 
 tel either grief of mind or languor of body, 
 or other losses or damages. Give, therefore, 
 no more heed to such faint shadows of evil, 
 which, if they signify anything, assure you of 
 good fortune and a speedy delivery. 
 
 The rogues being again setting out for more 
 mischief, the old hag left Camilla and me alone ; 
 all spies being removed, and the rage of her 
 grief a little abated, like the sun breaking out 
 of a cloud after a shower of rain, she beiran 
 with half shorn beams to shine out upon me. 
 My captivity had not yet so far mortified my 
 appetite, or restored that virtue the Cardinal's 
 family had destroyed, or at least oppressed, 
 ])ut that \ found no small satisfaction in viewing 
 her face, her arms, her breasts everywhere 
 exactly proportioned and perfectly beautiful. 
 She was of the taller sort of women, with a ma- 
 jesty in her mien and her face so mingled with 
 softness, that it at once awed and invited. 
 My heart being thus full of tender sentiments 
 for Camilla^ I could not omit anything I 
 thought conducive to her ease, or the banishing 
 those cares from her bosom which gave her so 
 much pain. 
 
158 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Wherefore after some previous discourses of 
 the eagerness of her passion, and grief for the 
 loss of her destined husband, I by degrees shd 
 into the disadvantages of marriage to the ladies, 
 a topic I had often heard elegantly managed by 
 Donna Theresa, Madam, said I, / am afraid 
 your ignorance of the natural inconstancy of 
 man, and the despotic authority of his reign, 
 when once he is master of his momentary wishes, 
 that you represent to yourself the loss of a hus- 
 band as an evil so insupportable. Certainly, a 
 woman who in Italy is fond of being inarried, 
 has a peculiar inclination to captivity and sla- 
 very. For however obsequious the man of this 
 country may be in the chase of his pleasure^ he 
 grosw a mere tyrant, lohen possession has only 
 left him the person without the desire. For, 
 believe me, all the gay day-dreams which fill 
 lovers* fancies, of pleasures and joy in the arms 
 of each other, pass off like a dream when we 
 are waked by enjoyment, few men sinking by 
 degrees from their heat to indifference, and 
 thence to aversion ; the major part starting at 
 once from raptures to torments, from love to 
 hate or disgust. Women, therefore, should not 
 have so vain a confidence in their charms or 
 their virtue, as to think the first can keep the 
 husband* s warmth always alive, or the latter, her 
 own desires confined to an ill-natured master, 
 
 " Camilla, in some passion, desired me to 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 159 
 
 be silent, or not abuse her ears with reflec- 
 tions as impious as false ; that there Mere 
 no general maxims to be drawn from the 
 depravity of particulars, who would obtrude 
 their own vicious inclinations on all the 
 world besides, out of an overweening par- 
 tiality to their own sense, judgment, or vir- 
 tue ; that how frail soever I may have found 
 myself in the adventures of love, she found se- 
 curity enough within her, against any of those 
 fears I promoted by my arguments. For- 
 tune had befriended her virtue, in giving 
 her a person approved of by all as the most 
 accomplished of men ; that when her choice 
 was so publicly approved and their love 
 had grown up with each other, their tempers 
 known as well as persons, there could not 
 be any doubt of a happiness equal to what- 
 ever imagination could form. She therefore 
 begged of me, if I would not render my- 
 self more odious than the rogues, to desist 
 from so vain and injurious a discourse, and 
 unbefitting indeed the mouth of a lady 
 that pretended to any remains of modesty or 
 honor." 
 
 This was a terrible shock to my hopes, and I 
 was puzzled to bring myself off from any cri- 
 minal imputation, from a virtue so nice and 
 severe as I found hers, at least fortified by a 
 love not yet arrived at enjoyment. 
 
IGO THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " Madam, (said I, with a bashful confusion) 
 " if what I have said proceeded from the sen- 
 " timents of my heart, I should have reason 
 " to fear your reproaches with justice, since 
 " I confess, they are not the maxims of youth, 
 " and inexperienced innocence and virtue. But 
 " willing to drive away this hostile grief that 
 " thus invades your repose, I attacked it that 
 " way that I thought most effectual; for he 
 " that removes the cause, takes away the effect. 
 " I found love and cdnstancy to the beloved 
 " youth was the greatest source of your tears ; 
 " could I therefore have brought you to other 
 " sentiments of men, I bid fair for appeasing a 
 *' sorrow which too much affected even me, 
 " who have evils of my own of a sufficient 
 " importance and greatness to take up my 
 *' concern. But though I have mistaken my 
 " first medicine, I hope a fresh trial may 
 *' supply that defect, when I apply one more 
 " agreeable to your constitution. And that is 
 " only in short to consider, that by giving way 
 " to a grief so impetuous, you endeavour to 
 *' prevent the indulgence of providence, and 
 " disappoint by your sorrows the joys you 
 " desire. The wheel of fortune is in a per- 
 " petual revolution ; by an anxious and unruly 
 " rage of passion you pervert the happy issue 
 " of your affairs, which otherwise in the vi- 
 " cissitudes of fate would ensue. To sive 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 161 
 
 yourself up to the disposal of any passion 
 without the direction and counsel of reason, 
 is a sin against your reason and yourself, 
 and while you continue a slave to that, you 
 suffer those pains and torments which this 
 would soon deliver you from. Your charms, 
 your beauties, your health, your life is your 
 lover's, and you Avrong him while you let 
 any of them be impaired by the enemy of 
 their being; and there is a sort of falsehood 
 in suffering" any passion to possess a heart 
 that ought only to be full of love. Now love 
 is all joy and rapture, it sinks and grows lan- 
 guid in sorrow and misery, so that by in- 
 dulging these you prepare the way for the 
 driving of love quite out of your heart. 
 Think of this, and sigh any longer if you 
 can ; think of this, and drown your lovely 
 eyes in tears till they assume a hostile red, 
 if you think fit ; think of this, and beat that 
 downy bosom and heavenly face with those 
 fine hands any more, if you have so little 
 regard to him whose right to them is 
 avow ed . 
 
 Camilla listened with much more pleasure 
 and attention to this discourse than the former. 
 She immediately calmed the storm of her sighs, 
 and shut up the sources of her show ers of tears ; 
 and her eyes noAv cast a more serene and bright 
 shine, not yet free from a watery cast. You have 
 Vol. I. M 
 
162 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 vanquished, Madam^ said she, the obstinacy of 
 my woe, atid my Baltlinotti*5 right to me has 
 power to restrain the rage of my passion. The 
 reason of your argument is too fine and too 
 surprising, conveys too much satisfaction, for me 
 to resist the return of repose, 1 have a confidence 
 in my innocence, and assurance in providence and 
 hopes in my lover, that all conspiring may soon 
 deliver me from this odious captivity. 
 
 The banditti, in the meanwhile, were gone 
 out in quest of new plunder, and no body left to 
 guard their castle but the old woman, who then 
 reparing to us, was not a little pleased to find 
 Camilla's languishment and tears so well re- 
 moved, and her face discover a content she little 
 expected. Providing, therefore, a small repast 
 for her guests, we satisfied our humour, and 
 were left to go to bed together. I confess the 
 opportunity was the mother of a great deal of 
 pleasure and fear. Camilla undressing herself 
 without apprehension of being seen by a man, 
 discovered such beauties as were sufficient to 
 fire an hermit, if we suppose him possessed with 
 all that stoical indifference he pretends to. Her 
 breasts being set at liberty from the prison of 
 her stays, seemed like two beautiful globes, firm 
 and round, and frequently heaving with thoughts 
 of her lover ; her skin was whiter than the finest 
 Parian marble, but not so cold and uniform a 
 colour ; the white of the lilly, that everywhere 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 163 
 
 was seen, was suffused with the fiiint but warm 
 blush of the rose ; her legs were most deHcately 
 turned, and verified the promise of her arms ; 
 her hair, now dishevelled on her shoulders, 
 reached down in loose ringlets to her very waste, 
 shining like the purest gold. In short, ima- 
 gination could not rise above her perfection, 
 and entering the bed, she seemed a prize worthy 
 a god. Had Helen her charms, it were no 
 wonder that the Greeks and the Trojans had 
 contended for her with so obstinate a fury. It 
 was not long ere I threw myself down by her 
 side, though scarce able freely to breathe, by the 
 excess of the pleasure of approaching so much 
 beauty in so advantageous a manner. However, 
 though my desires were mounted to their height, 
 fear mingled with my thoughts, and her prepos- 
 session for another made me cautious of en- 
 deavouring to gratify a passion which required 
 greater virtue than I had learned in the Car- 
 dinal's family, to resist. While desire and 
 prudence were contending within me, sleep, by 
 the cares and fatigues of the past day grown 
 more strong, had laid his leaden sceptre on the 
 eyes of Camilla. I waited with impatience to 
 be sure that it was so, and first gently pressed 
 her arm, that was thrown quite over her head, 
 with soft gentle kisses, which failing to wake 
 her I could not forbear to proceed fiirther, and 
 throwing aside the clothes, the lamp in the 
 
 M 2 
 
164 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 room casting yet a full light, 1 with a Ireinbling 
 hand m ithdrew all the linen that hid from my 
 eyes those secret beauties devoted to Baldinotti, 
 In her sleep she had turned herself on her back, 
 so that I easily viewed all her naked charms, 
 and with pleasure and transport let my amorous 
 hand and lips wander over her body. 
 
 Nature could not be controled at this sight ; 
 it was impossible, having- seen so much as I had, 
 not to venture for the ease of that pain which 
 such beauties had raised ; yet still afraid to have 
 all my joys vanish in her waking", I was careful 
 not to yield to the impulse of my wishes, but 
 placing myself as close as possible, I could not 
 help pressing my body to hers, till on the sud- 
 den she clasped me in her arms, and not yet 
 freed from the chains of kind sleep, she muttered 
 in broken sounds, my dear Baldonotti ! Oh ! 
 the rapture that ensued this tender embrace ! 
 and how I prayed my good stars to double her 
 drowsy captivity, that I might attempt some 
 fuller satisfaction. Softly, therefore, creeping on 
 her lovely bosom, arid now approaching the very 
 haven of bliss, I perceived her to waken, while 
 with imperfect joy, I speedily shrunk to my 
 place, casting gently over her the clothes of the 
 bed. 
 
 She asked me what disturbed me and made 
 me so uneasy as to wake her from so pleasing a 
 dream .^ I complained of an illness that forced 
 
 \ 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 165 
 
 nie from the bed, and was sorry it liad waked 
 her from her repose, and after a little discourse 
 we both seemed to return to the arms of sleep. 
 But I could not yet compass so good a relief 
 from desires too troublesome near their so power- 
 ful cause. Again I renewed the view, which only 
 ^ served to renew my uneasiness ; again ran over 
 the beauties I durst not attempt to enjoy ; again 
 I attempted wliat again I was deprived of: for 
 just as I thought myself in the very road to bliss, 
 and sleep, the faithful guardian of my pleasures 
 kept her fast in his arms, a sudden loud and 
 clamorous noise made me fly from the arms of 
 Camilla, who with it awaked in a panic fear 
 and trembling. The agony I was in furnished 
 me with the easy means of counterfeiting the 
 like, till hearing their oaths and imprecations 
 we found it the return of the robbers to their 
 castle. 
 
 At their presence I was recalled from my airy 
 visions of pleasure by fear, to reflect how near 
 my folly had brought me to my undoing; since 
 from her resentment and the barbarity of the 
 rogues, present death was the least I had to 
 expect. 
 
166 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 CHAPTERV II. 
 
 In the absence of the thieves Fantasio a7id Camilla 
 attempt their escape, and get from the old woman 
 their guardian, some way from the castle, hut 
 being met by the robbers, toith opprobrious language 
 are driven back again, and fnd at their return the 
 old woman hanged by her own hands. They cast 
 them into chains and deliberate on their punishment, 
 which is deferred till the next morning. 
 
 The banditti had met with a vigorous op- 
 position, and brought home several of their 
 gang pretty much wounded, whom with their 
 plunder leaving at home, the rest having made 
 a kind of running banquet, went out again to 
 fetch from a by-cave, where they had left it, the 
 remains of their prize. Fear, and avarice of 
 their neighbour's goods, gave wings to their 
 journey ; for soon after day-break they were all 
 returned with their booty. They were some 
 days before they thought of going abroad again, 
 and spent their time in revelling and eating, 
 and making disguises for their future adventures ; 
 but their companions being now perfectly 
 recovered, and all tired by an inactivity in 
 roguery, which they were not accustomed to, 
 they set out with their usual noise and con- 
 fusion, leaving only at home the old woman, a 
 horse they had lamed in their last expedition, 
 and ourselves. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 167 
 
 While Camilla and I, some hours after, sit- 
 ting at a loop-hole or blind window, that sur- 
 veyed all the precipice, heard suddenly the 
 old woman cry out in a pitiful manner, it hap- 
 pened she had left by chance our door open, 
 and we both ran out to see what was the matter, 
 when we found her on the ground, holding the 
 bridle of the horse with all her force, who 
 dragged her about the court. Camilla took the 
 hint ; behold, said she, fortune now offers an 
 opportunity of our escape, which we did not 
 expect. The castle is without guard, the old 
 woman too much bruised by the horse to oppose 
 us, and the beast ready to receive us to bear 
 us from our enemies. 
 
 We staid not long to debate on the matter, 
 but wresting the bridle out of her hand, with 
 our utmost expedition we led him out of the in- 
 closure, and getting both on his back, and pass- 
 ing with pain and no small danger down the 
 height of the mountain, we pushed on our jour- 
 ney with all the little speed the lame creature 
 could make. While I was considering our pre- 
 sent condition and what would be our fate should 
 we again fall into the hands of the robbers, Ca- 
 milla was not less solicitous in her thoughts 
 about our safety and escape, while sighing and 
 turning up her charming eyes to heaven — Oh! 
 ye supreme powers / said she, a7id thou^ oh / 
 virgin patroness of my youth, oh ! now at length 
 
168 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 bring help to your votary in the great extremity 
 of her affairs ! And thou, o cruel fortune ! cease 
 thy barbarous persecution of the innocent, and 
 let thy fury cease its impetuous rage ; for sure 
 thou art sufficiently glutted with the excess of 
 •my miseries past. And thou, mute minister of 
 my delivery, bear me safe home, restore me to 
 the dear arms of my mourning parents and 
 my beautiful husband, and Bucephalus shall 
 be less famous, for there shall be no bounds 
 to the honors I will pay thee, or the provender 
 I will allow thee ! 
 
 The horse, as if sensible of the bribe that was 
 offered, forgetting his lameness, bore us briskly 
 along" till we came to a place where three ways 
 met ; uncertain which to take, by guess we took 
 that which turned to the right, as leading di- 
 rectly to Camilla s father's house, though much 
 against the inclinations of the beast, as if he had 
 been sensible of what immediately happened. 
 For we had not rode far but we met, on full 
 speed a party of the gang, returning with their 
 prey. They knew us at a distance, and full 
 of a deriding laughter called out to us : Whither 
 away so fast our good guests ? What need you be 
 hi such haste P Are you not afraid of your mai- 
 denheads, travelling thus alone P Nor the 
 goblins and fairies, that haunt these woods 
 and by-waysP And you, my bashful young virgin^ 
 are you stealing a visit to your pare?its P Alas / 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 169 
 
 you are ignorant of the way, let us he your s;uards 
 against the injuries of the road, and conduct you 
 the nearest way to your journey* s end. 
 
 At til is word seizing our horse's bridle, they 
 turn us back again. Our melancholy and grief 
 may easily be imagined at this fatal disappoint- 
 ment, and the very animal that carried us 
 seemed to partake of our sorrow ; for as if he 
 had known where he was going, his former 
 lameness returns, and he limped along in a most 
 slow and dismal manner. What, says he (who 
 had stopped our flight, to the horse, laying about 
 him most unmercifully) do you begin your old 
 tricks! Do those feet of yours only know how to 
 fly away P But now when we met you you could 
 equal the flight o/'Pegasus, hut now you go home- 
 ward you icould lose the race to a snail. With 
 these words he renewed the blows, and drove us 
 along before him, till now arriving at the 
 castle gate, we found on the branch of a cy- 
 press tree hung, the pendulous old woman, now 
 quite past recovery and dead. One of the 
 gang taking her down, tying her up in her own 
 halter, threw her immediately down the preci- 
 pice without any concern ; then putting us both 
 into chains, with ravenous appetites they fell 
 aboard the last supper the old woman could 
 ever provide for them. 
 
 Having pretty mcH devoured their food, and 
 the edge of their hunger well abated, they be- 
 
170 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 gan to consider of our punishment, and their 
 revenge. Variety of opinions could not be 
 avoided in so tumultuary an assembly. The 
 first who delivered his sentence was for burn- 
 ing us alive, the second for exposing us to 
 wild beasts, the third for hanging us, the fourth 
 for having us expire in torments ; but however 
 different in the manner, the votes of the whole 
 company agreed in death. When all being 
 now silent, one of the gang began with a very 
 demure and calm countenance in this manner : 
 
 It is not agreeable to the grandeur and 
 equity of our college, or the moderation of 
 every particular tnemher, or my own modesty^ 
 to suffer your indignation to rage beyond the 
 tneasure and guilt of the crime, I tnust needs 
 tell you, gentlemen, that I am by no means 
 for exposing them to wild beasts consuming 
 them with fire or suspending them in the air, 
 nor crushing them with torments, or for seeking 
 so swift a dispatch of their lives by deaths so 
 speedy as these. If, therefore, you 'follow my 
 humble advice, you will give the ladies their 
 lives, but yet such lives, as they only deserve. 
 You remember that horse, always sluggish, a 
 great feeder, and now a liar, while in his flight 
 he flew loith all his feet, but in his return couiu 
 terfeiting lameness, he halted on all fours, the 
 complotted companion aud minister of their 
 escape, ivorthy therefore to share their fate, and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 171 
 
 afford us something toicards their punishment. 
 Let us therefore^ to-morroxo morning cut his throat 
 and taking out his entrails, and stripping the 
 two ladies naked, sew them into the horse, 
 where having only their heads out, the rest of 
 their bodies shall be imprisoned in his carcase. 
 Then Jix the stuffed beast on a gravelly stone, 
 against the most fervent rays of the sun. Thus 
 will all endure ivhat you have rightfully deter' 
 mined of all ; the horse, the death he has long 
 ago merited, and they the biting of the wild 
 beasts, when the worms shall gnaw their live 
 bowels ; the flames of burning, when the direct 
 and furious beams of the sun shall beat on their 
 heads ; and the gallows and torments, when 
 the dogs and birds of the air shall tear away 
 their eyes and their entrails. In short, to sum 
 up the account of their torments, alive they will 
 enter the dead body of the beast, the stench of 
 whose carcase will be a perpetual nosegay to their 
 smell, and they shall perish piecetyieal, and 
 starve tvith a lingering fate, which they tcill have 
 no hands at liberty to hasten by a desperate blow. 
 This barbarous speech was received with the 
 general and noisy applause of the whole gang, 
 who not only clapped their hands by way of ap- 
 probation, but sent forth a volley of huzzas at 
 the end of his speech. We had no reason to 
 doubt of our fate next morning, and therefore 
 resolved to prepare for it that night ; when yet 
 
172 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 to aggravate the malice of our fortune, espe- 
 cially that of the weeping Camilla, there rose 
 up another, and spoke in the following manner, 
 the hurry and noise being quashed to attend 
 him. 
 
 My fellow soldiers and comrades, though I 
 must alloiL the tnember who spoke last, to have 
 come to the point, yet I cannot hut offer my opi- 
 nion, which I doubt not hut will meet with a gene- 
 ral approbation, because it tends to a general 
 henejit. For our little state is not governed with 
 so narrow a spirit as to suffer any one of us to 
 have any regard to himself in competition with 
 the siood of the public. What I have to say is 
 not to destroy what my brother has advanced, 
 but only to propose some previous preparation to 
 so solemn a fate. You all know, that our old 
 woman has thought fit most decently to hang her- 
 self, and leave us destitute of any female to take 
 care of this house, and prepare us our meals. 
 JBesides this, gentlemen, in the strictness of our 
 justice we should sprinkle a little mercy. These 
 two are, I suppose, at least seem to be maids, 
 and it would be hut manly, in some of us young 
 fellows, to let them know what man is before they 
 leave the world ; and she that is tnost obsequious 
 in the pleasure may be pardoned this e.vecution, 
 to serve us hereafter at bed and at board. One 
 to'dlbe a suffcietit instance of your justice, which 
 tcill keep the survivor still in her duty. The pro- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 173 
 
 jmrnl I make, I hope mij fellow soldiers, includes 
 both pleasure and projit. 
 
 This proposal was but too agreeable to men 
 who in the lustihood of their youth, having- Ion<*- 
 thrown off all check of conscience, had nothing 
 to curb their headlong desires, and I had that 
 hour been the victim of their rage on the disco- 
 very of my sex, and Camilla oftheir lust, had not 
 their wine and precedence confounded the event. 
 As all were agreed to the rape and the mur- 
 der, so every one thought himself the worthiest 
 to lead the way in the lady's embraces. We were 
 in appearance but two, and they above fifty. In 
 this dispute the goblet went round, and as their 
 blood warmed the contest grew higher, and 
 immediate confusion had brought in destruction, 
 had not PhiUpizcno, one of authority amono- 
 them, parted the fray, and prevailed with them 
 to determine nothing of the matter that night in 
 their cups, but after kind sleep had restored 
 their sound judgment, the morrow might put an 
 end to their controversy, either by the death of 
 both prisoners, or the precedence decided bv 
 lot. 
 
 This moderate advice of Philipizeno seeming 
 reasonable, they all submitted to his opinion, 
 and after some cups of reconciliation, each 
 pigged to his pallet ; Camilla and 1, fast chained 
 as we were left to sleep in our clothes, if sleep 
 would vouchsafe to make us a visit. The alter- 
 
174 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ation of our fortunes from bad to ten times 
 worse, had banished all the thoughts of those 
 beautiful visions I had entertained myself with 
 the night before : sighs, tears, and the chaste 
 kisses of speedy fellow-sufferers wore out the 
 ni"ht, which scarce afforded us the broken slum- 
 ber of a moment for our refreshment. 
 
 CHAPTER VHI. 
 
 The arrival of one of the banditti with Scarpilegia, 
 whom they unanimously choose for their captain^ 
 after he has given an account of his exploits and 
 robberies in the Alps and in France. The cause of 
 the ladies is revived ; he adjudges them to he sold to 
 the brothels of Turkey. The arrival of a friary 
 and his account of his love and the murders he com- 
 mitted for it. The destruction of the banditti, and 
 the delivery of Fantasio and Camilla by the ad' 
 mirable stratagem of Baldiuotti. 
 
 As soon as the dusky shades of night were with- 
 drawn and the dawning morning began to 
 brighten the skies, and the glorious chariot of 
 the sun mon.nting aloft had spread his radiant 
 beams all around, one of the gang of banditti 
 arrives, as was plain from their mutual joy and 
 satisfaction. After first salutations he pulled 
 out a thousand crowns for the public stock, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 175 
 
 which he having pillaged from travellers as he 
 assured them, had sewed up in his clothes for 
 convenience of carriage and security from dis- 
 covery. Having disposed of his effects, he be- 
 gan to inquire after the rest of his comrades 
 whom he found not then present, he was in- 
 formed that they were fallen in the noble exploits 
 of their vocation with honor and glory. On 
 which he persuades them for a while to lay aside 
 their nocturnal and diurnal excursions, and 
 making a truce with their arms, to apply them- 
 selves providently to the recruiting their thin 
 bands, and filling up those numbers which had 
 been lost by the fortune of war. That they 
 should consider, that a company of fresh-water 
 soldiers will require some time to be perfect in 
 discipline ; and that threats and force would list 
 some, while others would become volunteers if 
 they knew but the means of finding entertain- 
 ment, and others might be won by promises 
 and reward ; that there were not a few, who 
 hating their servile life, under the tyranny of 
 their lords or their masters would with joy join 
 themselves to their gang. That he had for some 
 time conversed with a young fellow in the flower 
 of his youth, tall in his person, vast in his body, 
 and strong in his limbs, and had prevailed with 
 him to apply his hands, grown dull and heavy 
 for want of use, to a more beneficial and provi- 
 dent office ; that he would enjoy while he could. 
 
17G THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 the advantage of good health, and not debase 
 his robustness and vigor to the manuring of dirt 
 whicli was given him, to wrest the ill-gotten trea- 
 sures of the wealthy from their impious hands. 
 
 This discourse seemed highly reasonable to 
 the company, who by a general vote depute 
 the person who had been discoursing for the 
 young' fellow he had mentioned, resolving by 
 the first means they could to fill up their num- 
 ber. Having for some time withdrawn, he re- 
 turned bringing with him a lusty and beautiful 
 youth, whose chin was but just covered with the 
 very first down, excelling all the company iii 
 person and height ; for besides the proportionate 
 bulk of his body, his head lifted itself up above 
 all the rest. But his graceful body was but half 
 covered over with rags of various colors and 
 sorts ; his breast and his belly was thickest 
 -clothed with patches and rags. Coming into 
 the company with a boldness undaunted, he 
 thus addressed himself to them: 
 
 " All hail ! ye brave clients and companions 
 " of Mars ! and now, my faithful and loving 
 " fellow-soldiers, I hope you receive a mind 
 " resolved and bold into your brigade, with as 
 " much joy as I join myself to it. I am a man, 
 " gentlemen, who had rather take a wound in my 
 " body than a purse in my hand : one who would 
 •' rather go with pleasure in the face of that 
 " death, which is so terrible to others. Think 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 177 
 
 " me not poor or abject, nor form your opi- 
 " nion of me by the appearance I make, nor 
 " judge of my virtue by my patches : for I 
 " have been at the head of a formidable band, 
 " and have laid waste whole provinces of France. 
 " I am a robber of no little fame about the Alps, 
 " and, tliough a native of Naples, the French 
 " have been sensible of the terror of my arms. 
 *' I am that Scarpilegia at whose very name 
 *' whole kingdoms have trembled. 
 
 " I derive an hereditary virtue from my fa- 
 " ther, the great Bonaccorsi, a thief of illus- 
 *' trious memory ; for, nourished in human 
 *' blood and brought up in the very tents of ihe 
 *' banditti, 1 proved the heir and rival of my 
 " father's virtue. But fate, that bears an arbi- 
 *' trary sway over all human things, by a capri- 
 " cious turn has robbed me, not only of my 
 " wealthy acquisitions, but of all my noble 
 " companions, who loved me as a brother, re- 
 *' vered me as a father, and obeyed me as a 
 " commander. Flushed with a long series of 
 *' success we thought nothing* ought to stand 
 " against our assaults. But I must tell you all 
 " things in their due order. 
 
 *' There was a man eminent in the French 
 " court for his dignity and offices as well as the 
 " share he had in the favor of the King. Great 
 *' power contracts envy, and malice, managed 
 " with cunning and address, often undermines 
 
 Vol. I. N 
 
178 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " the most politic and fortunate. By means of 
 •* such as these, this noble person wasthrownfrom 
 " the favor of the King and sent into banishment. 
 ** His wife, a woman of uncommon fidelity and 
 " singular modesty, (the mother of ten child- 
 " ren) contemning the luxury of P«m and the 
 " court, went the companion of his exile and 
 *' mate of his misfortune, in the disguise of a 
 " man, cutting off her fine long hair, and sew- 
 " ing into her clothes the best of her jewels, 
 " intrepid in the midst of his guards with their 
 " naked swords, not only sharing in all his dan- 
 " gers, but ever preserving a watchful eye over 
 " his safety, sustaining with more than a mas- 
 " culine courage the daily fatigues she was 
 " obliged to undergo. After she had now passed 
 " the difficulty of many days journey, she with 
 " her husband lay at a village near Antibes^ 
 " where we ventured to make them a visit in the 
 " night, and bear away all that they had of rich 
 ** and precious with them ; but not without 
 " much hazard and danger. The lady was 
 " alarmed at the first noise we made of break- 
 " ing the chamber-door ; she filled the whole 
 " house with her clamor and noise, calling to 
 " the soldiers and her servants by name, and 
 " summoning the neighbours to come to their 
 " assistance ; but whether wine or fear re- 
 " strained them I know not, we got off clear 
 " without any damage. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEfUS. 179 
 
 " Immediately the pious lady (for truth must 
 " be spoken) singular in fidelity, and gracious 
 " in good arts, returning to court, applied her- 
 " self to the king, and obtained a speedy return 
 " for her husband to France and his former 
 favor, with a full power to revenge our assault. 
 " In short, Lewis would not that the glorious 
 " band of Scarpilegia should continue, and so it 
 " immediately found a fatal period ; so much 
 " can even the nod of a mighty prince perform. 
 " The whole party being therefore surrounded 
 " by soldiers were cut to pieces, I only escap- 
 " ing the grisly jaws of death by stratagem, 
 " more than bravery, in this manner : I had 
 " just time to dress myself in a countrywoman's 
 " apparel, and sitting on a mule loaden with 
 " wheat straw, I passed through the hostile 
 " bands ; for faking me for a poor trading 
 *' woman, my face being then not covered with 
 " the least down to betray the imposture, they let 
 " me pass freely through all their troops. Nor 
 *' did I lose any thing of my paternal or proper 
 " glory, but rode through the points of my 
 " enemies' swords with the highest confidence 
 " and intrepidity. But hid under the fallacy 
 " of a habit not my own, by attacking the vil- 
 '* lages and country seats, I made shift to pick 
 " up a tolerable viaticum. 
 
 " Travelling through the heart of France, I 
 came mXo P tear dy, and purchasing handsome 
 
 N 2 
 
180 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " and cavalier accoutrements, as good clothes, 
 " a fine horse, my pistols, and fusee, I took my 
 *' station in the road that leads from Calais to 
 " Paris, much frequented by the English that 
 " resorted to that metropolis of the Great Mo- 
 " narch, for breeding or pleasure. The man- 
 " ner of this passage, is either in the coach, by 
 *' the messenger, or the sash-marine. The last 
 " being the poorest way of travel, afforded me 
 " no motive of assault, and the coaches were 
 " generally too well armed for one man's attack. 
 " How I managed the other you shall hear by 
 " one adventure. There were at this time with 
 " the messenger about fifty horse, every one of 
 " which, give him such a price for provision 
 *' and horses between Calais and Paris, £ome 
 " miles on this side of Boulogne I joined my- 
 " self to them, and found them all armed with 
 " pistols before them. However, I was resolved 
 " not to let them pass without paying me some 
 " toll, so that coming now into a wide and 
 " lonely plain, I set spurs to my horse and in a 
 *' minute had got a quarter of a mile from them, 
 " when turning about and cocking my fusee, 
 " I told them they must either put me down 
 " in such a place their two pistoles a piece, or 
 " I would shoot among them. At first they 
 " looked on me with a scornful smile, that could 
 " presume that fifty such brave fellows should 
 " be robbed by one man ; but having discharged 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 181 
 
 " my piece among them, turning my horse's 
 " head, I was in a moment at too great a dis- 
 " tance for their pistols to reach me, and too 
 " well mounted, to fear they could so much as 
 " pursue me with such wretched jades as the 
 " messenger generally furnishes his travellers 
 " with, charging my fusee again, and riding 
 " up to them, not yet able to bring them to 
 *' yield to my demands, I shoot the second time 
 *' among them and wound some in the legs 
 " and others in the thighs ; for I shot with five 
 " or six plugs at a time. Thus I renewed my 
 " demands and execution, till consulting 
 *' among themselves about the inequality of 
 " the fight, in which, while they all lay ex- 
 " posed to my fire, they could none of them do 
 " me any harm : they agreed to lay down two 
 " pistoles a man, which, when they had rode far 
 " enough from the place, I alighted, and took 
 " up. Then like an arrow from a bow, I shot 
 " into the woods. 
 
 " This daring exploit alarmed the country ; 
 " so disposing of my horse and accoutrements, 
 " I purchased these rags, and by long and pain- 
 " ful journeys got into Italy, and every where 
 " improving my time, I at last fell into the 
 " noble acquaintance who introduced me to 
 " this valorous society." 
 
 Then unbinding his patches and his rags, 
 he laid down before them above two thousand 
 
182 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 crowns in gold. Beliokl, said he, I offer my- 
 self for your leader, if you think fit, and this 
 small parcel of money as a donative on my 
 inauguration ; assuring you, that, in a little time, 
 I will make this stone house of yours all of pure 
 gold. 
 
 There was no delay in their resolution, nor 
 debate of the matter, but all with one voice pro- 
 nounce him their captain, bringing instantly 
 to him a noble suit of clothes. Being thus 
 reformed in his dress, and seated on their 
 throne, they perform his inauguration with 
 solemnly quaffing plentiful bowls. They begin 
 his reign with an information against us, and a 
 particular account of the several punishments 
 proposed for our offence of endeavouring our 
 escape. He demanding to see us, was con- 
 ducted into our chamber, where turning short 
 and throwing up his nose in contempt : he de- 
 parted again. And being once more seated in 
 his black chair of state, he began in this manner: 
 
 My fellow soldiers and brothers^ said he, / 
 would not have you imagine me so dull in m.y 
 apprehension or so rash in my judgment, as to 
 seek to disappoint the execution of your Just de- 
 cree; great statesmen having thought, especially 
 m a government of violence, and depending on 
 the loiil, that severity is the safest maxim to go 
 upon. Yet I should sin against my honor and 
 your confidence in me, and ever he haunted by 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 183 
 
 the stings of an ill conscience., should I hide., or 
 conceal any thing that I have the least reason to 
 think may he bene^cial to our society, I shall., 
 therefore., most earnestly desire you to he 
 thoroughly convinced of a truth so inviolable, 
 that I have the icill to be serviceable to your 
 cause, which to support I would let out all the 
 blood in these veins ; and you may besides, if my 
 advice prove not agreeable, at last have recourse 
 to the horse. 
 
 It is iny opinion, gentlemen, that banditti, 
 who rightly consider their affairs, ought to prefer 
 nothing to their interest and gain, no, not even 
 revenge, which too violently pursued has often 
 been of fatal consequence to them as well as 
 others. If, therefore, you fix these two virgins in 
 the body of the horse, all the advantage you will 
 reap from the execution will only be the fleeting 
 gratification of your indignation, without any 
 profit to the public treasury. In iny opinion, 
 gentlemen, we ought rather to carry them to 
 some port or other, where we may sell them to 
 some agent of </te Ottoman bawds, who I have 
 reason to believe will give a good price for two 
 such young and beautiful maids : where being 
 exposed in their brothels, they will not be able to 
 make their escape, and will, in a life so full of 
 contempt, give a more ample satisfaction to your 
 revenge. This, gentlemen, is only my opinion, 
 which my zeal for your profit could only wrest 
 
184 
 
 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 from me^ hut you are and must be the be»t 
 judges of your own resolves. 
 
 Thus by consulting the advantages of the 
 rogues' coffers, the new chosen captain, by a 
 happy address preserved us from sudden disgrace 
 and ruin. Wherefore after a short consultation 
 among themselves, they unanimously agree to 
 the judgment of their leader, immediately un- 
 tying our bands, and telling us the change of* 
 our destiny by his wisdom. Camilla seeing 
 Scarpilegia, and hearing his sentence of the 
 brothel, discovered her pleasure and satisfaction 
 in her smiles and in her eyes. I could not 
 but in myself condemn the whole sex for her 
 sake, who so lately having acted so wonderful 
 a grief, and a passion so violent, for the ho- 
 norable consort of her chaste nuptial bed, could 
 already betray a guilty delight in her doom to 
 the sordid life in a brothel, pleased with theem« 
 braces of the circumcised infidels of Turkey. 
 often did I curse my fear and my folly in losing 
 so charming an opportunity of possession, when 
 by her conduct I found the surprise might have 
 proved as agreeable to her as it had formerly 
 done to Theresa. 
 
 After a litlle pause to hear their resolves, the 
 young leader thus began again : This day being 
 the first of 7ny fortunate advancement, let us my 
 fellow soldiers, indulge it in joy ; and over our 
 liquor we will consult how to fill up our squadron 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 185 
 
 the most speedy and effiCtual imy. And I 
 doubt not, hut soon to have so powerful a brigade 
 as shall make the adjacent country stand in awe 
 of us ; great monarchies ere now having had less 
 promising beginnings. If your stores of wine 
 and provisions be low, make a draught of ten of 
 your company^ and marching to the next village 
 I doubt not to bring you wine and good food in 
 abundance. They pick out ten of the stoutest 
 among them, and mounting their horses and 
 taking their arms, they followed their leader 
 with assurance of success in their eyes. 
 
 This party being gone, while the rest make 
 up a good fire and put all their utensils in order 
 for their feast, there comes to the gate of the 
 castle a lusty young fellow dressed in the habit 
 of a friar, and desires admittance about busi- 
 ness of importance to their service. He being 
 single could give them no fear ; being therefore 
 admitted, he addressed himself to the company 
 ill this manner: 
 
 " Though, gentlemen, I am a stranger to 
 " your persons, your fame has drawn me hither 
 " from parts something distant, with an ambi- 
 '' tious desire of uniting myself to heroes so 
 " noble, and so useful to my revenge and my 
 " profit. Yes, gentlemen, I shall shew you 
 " that I shall be yours in the securest band of 
 " common interest. Know then, that I am a 
 " Franciscan friar by my profession, for sucli 
 
186 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " my parents were pleased to make me. I Jived 
 " in a convent of ours, in the pleasant country 
 " of Campania Felix. Not far from this convent, 
 " lived a gentleman of some quality and 
 *' weahh, whose avarice would not allow him 
 " servants in proportion to his estate and de- 
 " gree ; the only good qualities I know he had, 
 *' was a beautiful young wife, and a bigotry 
 " to our order, to which he was very beneficial, 
 " in hopes, by that means, to have a large share 
 " in our good works, and our fasts, and our 
 *' prayers ; but those were a merchandize our 
 *' convent never dealt in. Among the many 
 " jolly friars of our house, he was pleased to 
 " have a particular regard to me, making choice 
 " of me for his confessor, giving me full power 
 " and authority over his family. 
 
 " This cursed benefit which he bestowed was 
 " the cause of my ruin, which nothing can re- 
 " pair but my admission into your society, in 
 " which I dare venture as far as any man of you 
 " all. But to proceed in my story. This gen- 
 " tleman had a wife the most beautiful of her 
 '* sex, and her charms received no small addi- 
 " tion from her modesty. But what availed her 
 " virtues, they only added fuel to my fire, till 
 " unable any longer to bear a torture so insup- 
 " portable as the violence of love in the midst 
 " of despair, I resolved by the first law of na- 
 " ture, to seek first my own preservation, and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 187 
 
 " since I could not live without possessing this 
 '* charming wife of my patron, 1 was resolved 
 " no consideration or obstacle should hinder 
 *' my embraces. 
 
 ** Fate one day propitious to my vows, led 
 *' me to this house when the husband was ab- 
 " sent, and designed to be so two or three days, 
 *' as his lady, on my inquiry, informed me, 
 " telling me, that if I wanted any thing with 
 " him, she would send a messenger to call him 
 " back. I was not so desirous of his return ; 
 *' but quite distracted in my thoughts, I could 
 *' not conceal my confusion from her eyes, 
 " but retiring into a court of the house, where 
 " walking with the same agitation of body as 
 " 1 had in my mind, she sent one of her maids 
 " to me, to know if I wanted any thing, I told 
 " her I did, and leading her to a private cor- 
 " ner, with my dagger hid in my sleeve, in a 
 " moment without noise I despatched her, in the 
 " meanwhile a tenant of the gentlewoman's en- 
 " tering the court on horseback, with the rent 
 " of his farm, and as soon as he alighted paid 
 " his devotion to me, when instead of a bles- 
 *' sing I stabbed him to the heart, through the 
 *' back, and disposing him out of the way, I 
 " locked the castle gate against any more such 
 *' intruders. The lady wondering her maid 
 *' staid so long sent another to inquire after 
 " her : I answered her query by the same 
 
188 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " silencing dagger, and laid her with lier 
 " fellow servant. 
 
 *' None now being left in the house but 
 *' the lady and myself, 1 went directly to her, 
 " and told her that I had long been languish- 
 " ing in a hopeless passion for her, but unable 
 " to support it any longer, the time now was 
 " come when she ought and must in justice 
 " reward all my sufferings, by yielding to my 
 " embraces. Surprised at my discourse and 
 " not crediting her ears, or doubting my 
 " reality, she replied in this manner: Good 
 " father I am persuaded, (said she) that were 
 " / so lewdly inclined, you would he the first 
 " that would accuse my impiety. [ assured 
 " her of her mistake, and that nothing could 
 " give me a day's life^ without her. To con- 
 " vince her incredulity, I desired her to walk 
 " down into the court, to see what the fury 
 " of my love had performed. This sight so 
 " frightened her, that she scarce was able to 
 " get into the house, when falling on a chair 
 " she was some time in a swoon ; but coming 
 " to herself, I bid her not be afraid, that her 
 " beauty was her protection, and merited more 
 " than Helenas a thousand such bloody sacri- 
 " fices. Nothing can provoke my hand to do 
 " you any violence, but your obstinate resist- 
 *' ance of my desires. 
 
 ^' With that pulling off my upper habit, I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 
 
 189 
 
 took off a shorter, which I gave to the lady, 
 bidding her with the utmost despatch put it 
 on, least any bad accident should rob me of 
 that night's joys in her arms. Fear made 
 her obey me and begin to undress her 
 head, but in so dilatory a manner as shewed 
 she hoped to gain time till somebody should 
 come to her rescue ; but her fine length of 
 hair hanging now down her shoulders, I 
 was obliged to cut it off with my own hands, 
 since unfit for the cover she was to wear. 
 Now stripped to her shift, T could not but 
 press her charming body, though with some 
 struggle, and had not fear of interruption 
 and a desire of a more full and perfect en- 
 joyment prevented my immediate pleasure, 
 1 had not been now without any satisfaction 
 for all I had done to compass it. But dread- 
 ing a surprise, I soon clothed her in the 
 less habit, like a novice of our order, and 
 clapping ray own on again and taking in 
 my hand a long pole for use and defence, 
 I forced her from her house for fear of 
 the same fate her maids and tenant had 
 met with. 
 
 " Thus got free from the house and out 
 into the road without any suspicion, it was 
 my ill fate to take that very road to our con- 
 vent by which her husband and his man 
 (having sooner despatched his business than 
 
190 THE COLDE\ ASS 
 
 " he expected) were coining full speed to bis 
 " own house. I discovered them at a distance, 
 " and told her, that if she went not on before 
 " me and cast not an eye towards him, I 
 " would certainly stab her, before he could 
 " rescue her. The husband drew nigh, and 
 " asking me how I did, passed on without 
 " any notice of my false brother before me ; 
 *' but the man who usually entertained my 
 " companion, friar John, took her for him ; 
 " and so with his wonted familiarity called 
 " to the lady for him. She answering not a 
 " word, he crossed her way and discovered, 
 " unperceived by me, the tears in her eyes ; 
 *' then spurring on his horse, he overtook his 
 " master, and with much ado persuades him 
 " to let him return and see whether it were 
 " his wife or not, desiring him to wait there 
 " the result of his inquiry. I heard the man's 
 " horse at my heels, and he calling as loud 
 " as he could, friar John ; concluding the 
 ^' discovery made of my theft, I turned upon 
 " him, and with a blow of my staff under the 
 *' ribs brought him from his horse and soon 
 " cut his throat. The gentleman seeing what 
 " passed, galloped up with much speed to rescue 
 " his man and his wife ; before he got up to 
 " me I leaped up on my feet and received him 
 " with my pole, bringing the last of my an- 
 " tagonists to the ground, who being des- 
 
OP LUCIUS APULEIUS. 191 
 
 *' patched, I might securely march off with 
 " my prize ; but he being down and 1 upon 
 " him just ready to strike, being very strong, 
 " he embraced me so hard in his arms about 
 " tlie waist, that I had no force left to hurt 
 " him, or even to hold the dagger in my hand, 
 " which falling to the ground, his wife 
 " snatched up, and gave me several stabs, till 
 " tumbling down backwards, I cried out for 
 " mercy, acknowledging all I had done for 
 " her sake. 
 
 " He was not willing to kill me on the 
 " spot, but reserve me to a death more public 
 *' and infamous ; so sending home his wife 
 " to call her out-servants, he staid to watch 
 " me till they came and conveyed me to the 
 " prison in the city of Capua ; upon exami- 
 " nation I owned all the fact, and too openly 
 " avowing my approbation of what I had done, 
 " the inquest went so far, that a discovery was 
 " made, and the fact plainly proved in the 
 " court, that every friar in our convent had 
 " some man's wife or daughter, in the habit 
 " of a novice, to solace himself with at his 
 " pleasure. So the whores being dismissed, by 
 " a tyrannic sentence we were all confined to 
 " our convent, and that filled full of combus- 
 " tible matter and then set on fire about our 
 " ears, with large guards of soldiers and people, 
 " that surrounded us, to hinder our escape. 
 
192 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 " There was in the cellar a conveyance of 
 *' water which went under ground to a pretty 
 " large fountain in the next wood, I only of 
 *' all the fraternity thought of this little ap- 
 " pearance of hope, either out of despair of 
 " deriving any benefit from it, or by a forget- 
 " fulness in the confusion they were in by the 
 " near approach of destruction. I made with 
 " all speed to this only hope, and it happened 
 " that the spring being then low, the stream 
 " was pretty shallow, but yet with the utmost 
 " difficulty, and scarce with life, I got to the 
 " fountain and so to the wood, where resting 
 " till I was a little recovered and the dusk of 
 *' the evening grew on, with those jewels and 
 " money I had rifled from the altars, I made 
 " my way directly towards these mountains, 
 " hoping there at least to continue unknown 
 *' till a happier opportunity of making my 
 " escape. But hiding in a neighbouring vil- 
 " lage your fame at once came to my ears, and 
 " gave me fresh hope of my beautiful mistress 
 " and ample revenge on the villain her hus- 
 " band. I dare lead you out to infallible con- 
 " quest, a lone house ill defended by servants, 
 " having none but two maids and a man that 
 " lie within it, and plentifully furnished with 
 " silver and gold, of which I demand no share 
 " for my pains, the profit be yours, and the 
 " glory and the woman only be mine." 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 193 
 
 By that time the friar had ended his story, 
 and been welcomed by the gang, who were 
 not a little pleased with his bloody narration, 
 and that their tribe was now sanctified with a 
 father of the church, the leader and his party 
 return victorious, bringing in whole horraclnos 
 of wine and droves of cattle, and M'ith them a 
 poor old fellow who seemed to be their owner, 
 and deplored his losses with so emphatic a 
 grief that might well persuade us of the reality 
 of the cause. 
 
 The leader entering, told his comrades that 
 staid behind, thatdesigningto plunder the neigh- 
 bouring village, good fortune had thrown this 
 old fellow in their way, with all that they wanted 
 for present enjoyment. Then turning to the 
 old man with a volley of oaths at his sorrows, 
 bid him leave off grieving, unless he had a 
 mind to take a trip down the precipice ; giving 
 him hopes, however, that if he assisted with 
 alacrity at this singular festival, he might hope 
 for his liberty on the morrow. 
 
 All hands fall to work, and the friar being in- 
 troduced to, and received by the captain, under 
 took to be the chief cook ; wherefore all things 
 being now ready, they fall to theirdinner, doubly 
 prepared by good dressing and good stomachs, 
 You ought not, my brothers, to take me for 
 your leader in expeditions abroad, hut for your 
 director in your pteasures at home. Sit to your 
 
 Vol. I. O 
 
194 Tilt GOLDEN ASS 
 
 dishes, and glasses, wldle I, being major domo, 
 see every thing done, and served up in order. 
 This said, he applied himself to the matter with 
 so good an address, that he gave them a double 
 gusto to his preparations, he broils and fries, 
 and draws out their wine, and gives every thing 
 so good a relish, that the rogues never were so 
 nobl}^ regaled in their lives. 
 
 We were placed in the kitchen, whither he 
 so frequently repairing for the busy discharge 
 of his office, had the opportunity of giving us 
 both victuals and wine, of which I observed, 
 he never gave us any but he tasted. Camilla 
 discovered a pleasure in receiving every thing 
 from him, and at last desiring to kiss her, she 
 met his transported lips half way. Which, 
 with what I had formerly observed, gave me an 
 entire disgust to Camilla. What, said I to myself, 
 have you already forgot the nuptials you so lately 
 doated on, and the man, the loss of whom, 
 seemed to give your heart so many pangs, and 
 icho languishes for you with so zmequalled a love? 
 And can you prefer this bloody assassin, this 
 barbarous stranger, to the husband provided for 
 you by your tender father and mother ? Does 
 not thy conscience give thee a secret gripe for a 
 falsehood so monstrous and unheard of ? And 
 are you so abandoned as to be pleased to play 
 the whore among swords and muskets 1 — But 
 while my mind was thus full of resentment 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 195 
 
 against Camiilaum] the whole sex, I by cliance 
 made a discovery which restored me my ease ; 
 for by some words I overlieard pass betMeen 
 them, I found that this was not Scarpi/egia the 
 banditti, tlie robber as he seemed, ])ut the real 
 Baldinotti, the betrotlied of Camilla, And 
 now having' no dread of my presence, he de- 
 livered himself more clearly, saying' to her, he of 
 good cheer my sweet Camilla, for you shall in a 
 fcio mimites have all these your enemies in cap- 
 tivity. Thus mingling a soporiferous potion 
 in their liquor, they being already pretty full of 
 the creature, they were all fast asleep but the old 
 fellow that waited, the friar that cooked, and the 
 banditti that had introduced Baldinotti for 
 their leader. 
 
 While the friar, and the other two bound 
 all the rogues, Baldinotti and Camilla^ew into 
 one another's arms, and the heat of the first 
 ecstasy being over, he told her that ever since 
 she had been ravished from him, he had been 
 contriving this happy delivery ; that the ban- 
 ditti who introduced him had been a servant 
 in his family, and corrupted by evil company 
 he had fallen into the gang, but lying in wait 
 he surprised him, and on assurance of his pardon 
 and a handsome provision, he had promised to 
 do what he had performed ; however, for fear 
 he should not be sincere, he had engaged his 
 friend Costaguti to come without his know- 
 
 o 2 
 
196 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ledg"e in the manner lie had done, havings 
 formed that bloody story merely to render 
 him more ag-reeable to the rogues : who now 
 being all fast bound, Baldinotti, Costagutiy 
 the old servant (whom he had ordered to be 
 there ready to be taken) and the penitent ban- 
 ditti, took care of us both, and the cargo of 
 money that belonged to himself, and conveyed 
 us all to Fundi, to his house. The whole city 
 on notice, like one man, came out to meet us, 
 with votive oblations for the safe return oi Bed- 
 dinotti and his mistress ; the pomp was made 
 up of both sexes and all ages; her parents 
 ran first to catch her in their arms, suc- 
 ceeded by her relations, and friends, and fol- 
 lowers, joy in every eye riding triumphant, and 
 transport spreading over every face. 
 
 While Camilla was in her nuptial apartment, 
 caressed and welcomed by her friends, Baldi- 
 notti, and a detachment from the magistrates, 
 marched back to the fortress of the banditti, 
 whom they found faster yet bound in the chains 
 of the wine, than those they had confined them 
 to before their departure. Their prizes brought 
 forth, and every thing produced, the rogues 
 thrown, some down the precipice by Baldinottiy 
 and others beheaded with their own swords, 
 all the beasts they had there being laden 
 with the fruits of their rapine, they all re- 
 turned by midnight to Fundi, The treasures 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 197 
 
 of the rogues being* delivered to the custody 
 of the public, and the honest banditti forgiven 
 and rewarded, Baldinolti having* taken his good- 
 night of his bride, went to bed, in order to 
 rise the next morning to take full possession of 
 his beloved Camilla. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Fresh troubles o/Tantasio, and his fli(/htJrom Fundi 
 in a chest. The story of Julia Gonzajva, w'uh 
 Barbarossa, and the Duke of Mantua. Fantasio's 
 arrival at Malfi, and passage to the house of Ca- 
 niilla'^ tenant^ a great witch in the high mountain 
 called Monte Marso. 
 
 I SHALL not detain you with a tedious descrip- 
 tion of the pomp and solemnity of the marriage 
 of the two lovers. Let it suffice, that the nup- 
 tial knot the next dav was tied in the cathe- 
 dral church, whither, to my misfortune, I at- 
 tended her ; being returned home, and the 
 magnificent dinner being over, and the happy 
 lovers triumphing with mutual joy, on their 
 past fortunes in an inner-room, I happened 
 on some occasion to pass into another, that 
 faced the quadrangular market-place, and to my 
 no small terror heard the public crier of the town 
 under the very loindoio^ declaring areward of two 
 hundred croions for any one that would discover 
 one Sig nor Funinsio, a dwarf to Cardinal Can- 
 
198 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 telmi, Jledfrom him in woman s clothes of such 
 a color and silk, provided he be delivered safe 
 into the Cardinar^ hands. 
 
 This was an alarm too dreadful to leave 
 me any room for my share of the public joy 
 of the day, I had been seen at the cathedral 
 in the very clothes, I had heard of the Car- 
 dinal's resentment, and was too sensible of 
 what force a reward so considerable would be 
 on the minds of so many as must have seen 
 and observed me ; all which concurring dan- 
 gers, scarce left me any prospect of safety from 
 the power and diligence of my pursuers, not 
 doubting but that my apprehension would be 
 as certain as my death would be after it. 
 
 I had on my right cheek a small blushing 
 mole, not very unlike a wood-strawberry, 
 which being by the crier as particularly de- 
 scribed as my clothes, I could not long expect 
 to remain undiscovered. All the glimpse of 
 comfort that I had, was, that the authority of 
 Baldinotti in the town, might afford a kind 
 interval from the insults of a people covetous of 
 the reward. Necessity, therefore, compelling 
 me to make an entire confidence of my whole 
 affair to Camilla, 1 resolved to lose not one mo- 
 ment before I sought her protection in my di- 
 stress. 
 
 The house had been too busy in the pomp 
 and preparations of the nuptial-day, to hear or 
 mind anything of the crier. Full of fear and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 199 
 
 concern, I entered lier room, and found her in the 
 lap of her bridegroom;fortlieir love wastoostrong 
 to suffer the least separation or distance. 1 made 
 an apology to the happy lovers for presuming' 
 to interrupt their dearer satisfaction, by begging 
 Camillas ear for a moment, on business of the 
 last consequence to my affairs. She left Baldi- 
 nottis arms with all the grace in the world, 
 while she made her love give place to her civi- 
 lity, and retired straight with me to her cabi- 
 net. Where I told her, as briefly as possibly I 
 could, the whole story of my past life, all the 
 present distress my ill fate had reduced me to ; 
 and throwing myself at her feet, I implored 
 her pardon for not letting her know me before, 
 and protection and assistance in my immediate 
 escape, that if the necessity of my fortune had 
 compelled me into any crime which I could not 
 with prudence have avoided, she was too gene- 
 rous and good to exercise her resentment on 
 a wretch already undone. 
 
 Camilla reflecting what had past between us, 
 and what I had seen, and how near tlie same 
 bed had admitted me to her, blushed all over with 
 so charming a confusion that doubly heightened 
 her beauty and modesty* But, considering the 
 necessity that obliged me to secresy, and the 
 continence which for all she knew, I perfectly 
 preserved, and the present extremity of my 
 aflairs, she suffered her generosity to vanquish 
 her anger. The seeing Diana naked cost Ac- 
 
200 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 teon his life ,* but the Venus Camilla, did not 
 think I deserved so rigorous a revenge, she 
 Mould indeed believe me sufficiently punished 
 for my curiosity, had she known the pain and 
 agony it cost me. But ignorant of my crime, 
 she dealt with me as innocent, and therefore 
 resolved to take effectual care of my security 
 from the Cardinal's indignation ; whom, with a 
 family hatred, she perfectly abhorred. She took 
 care immediately to set things in order, to have 
 me conveyed to a tenant of her*s, not far from 
 Amalfi in the Basilicate. 
 
 But this being some days* journey, I had 
 reason to fear a discovery in any disguise, 
 should 1 travel the usual road, or in the public 
 manner. But she soon removed all my fears by 
 this happy invention : she had a servant in the 
 house, in whom she could put a particular con- 
 fidence, and putting me in a large trunk, with 
 holes made for me to breathe freely through, 
 commits me to his charge, to carry me safe in 
 that manner to the place she designed. He 
 fixing me on the ablest oi Baldinottis sumpter 
 horses, that no time might be lost, before the 
 dusk of that very evening I set out of Fundi, in 
 as great fear and consternation as Julia Gon- 
 zaga had done thence, before, from the fury of 
 Caradin Barbarossa, admiral to the Grand 
 Signor Solyman, afterwards King of Algiers, 
 who being in the Mediterranean with his fleet, 
 and having information by his spies, that this 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 201 
 
 Julia Gonzaga, widow to Vespasian Colonna, 
 and the most beautiful woman in the world, 
 lived then in \\\\sc\iy oi Fundi ^ landed his men 
 in the night, and sent them to seize her in bed, 
 resolving' to make a curious present of her to his 
 master, Solyman, She had only just time to leap 
 out of her bed, and in nothing but her linen, 
 .rode away with full speed from thepirate,andeven 
 escaped so very narrowly, that had she stayed 
 to put on so much as a petticoat, she had for 
 ever put off her liberty in the Seraglio. Bar' 
 harossa being thus disappointed of his beauti- 
 ful prize, plundered and burnt the town, and 
 carried abundance of the people away into cap- 
 tivity. 
 
 But what terror soever she expressed of the 
 Seraglio^ and the embraces of the Grand Signor 
 in this flight, yet the event shewed that her 
 aversion was not to ma7i, but constraint, for 
 the young Duke of Mantua found her more 
 complaisant to his desires. His masculine 
 charms had too great a sympathy with lier 
 feminine beauties, to be long in establishing an 
 amorous commerce. But there is a temper so 
 fickle in youth, and a satiety so cloying often 
 follows the enjoyment of the finest woman in the 
 world, that the fair have still found it more 
 difficult to retain ojie heart in constancy and 
 obedience, than to conquer a thousand. Whe- 
 ther the appetite of the mind be akin to that of 
 
202 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 the body, or wbether woman be bke some 
 pictures, that cannot bear too near a view 
 without disgust, though so charming at a 
 distance. Women indeed, (I speak in general) 
 are like the temples of the ^Egyptians, without, 
 all magnificence and harmony, within, the god 
 that animates it, an ass, a cow, a rat, or an onion ; 
 or like the apples near the Asphaltic Lake, 
 beautiful to the eye, but fill your mouth with 
 ashes if you taste them. 
 
 Thus it happened with Julia Gonzaga, in the 
 pride of her charms ; for a sudden indifference 
 in the Duke at once humbled and provoked all 
 her vanity, till now quite satiated to disgust, he 
 entirely forsakes her for the less meritorious 
 charms of some other. An affront so opprobrious 
 to a spirit so haughty, so full, and so vain of the 
 fame of her beauties, must naturally produce a 
 resentment equal to the pride of the person thus 
 slighted ; which having no bounds, drove it 
 to a barbarous cruelty beyond all measure. The 
 past sweets of that soft passion, that had com- 
 pelled the surrender of her honor, soured now 
 her tender sentiments into the most inveterate 
 hatred, and starting from the extremity' of love 
 in excess, she fell into an aversion so strong, as 
 produced the following mhum?iYi catastrophe,] 
 
 Her revenge is resolved on, but the means to 
 obtain it uncertain ; for without her admission 
 into his company it only remained in her will. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 203 
 
 But lier beauties, which had given rise to her ruin, 
 soon furnished the means and instrument of re- 
 venge. Her confessor had long been in love with 
 her in vain, while the Duke was possessor of her 
 heart ; but finding that amour at an end, took 
 courage from the visible slights of the Duke to de- 
 clare and press the success of his passion. Julia, 
 though disdaining the arms of a priest after 
 those of a Prince, yet made her resentment give 
 way to her thirst of revenge ; so seeming to in- 
 dulge a passion she scorned, she at last assured 
 him of whatever he would ask, after he had pro- 
 cured her but one interview with the Duke in 
 her apartment. Nothing is so difficult, or im- 
 possible which a priest will not overcome in the 
 chase of his lust or his interest. Thus this 
 priest, by all the subtle arts of the gown, sur- 
 mounted the Duke's disgust, and brought him to 
 her chamber, pretty well prepared for a relapse 
 info a passion he had now almost forgot. The 
 priest left them alone, and retiring into the 
 next chamber full of, and all on fire with, the gay 
 and wanton ideas of thefair one he was to possess, 
 with impatience he waited the end of the visit. 
 The Duke, on his entrance, found her in an 
 agreeable dishabille, her languishing eyes half 
 drowned in her tears. The sight of such beauty 
 in sorrow, gave a secret pang to the false wan- 
 derer's heart, as conscious of the guilt of those 
 pains his desertion had given her. But when 
 she began to reproach his ingratitude and igno- 
 
204 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ble inconstancy, in a manner the most touching 
 and pathetic in the world, the fire of her eyes, 
 the music of her tongue, the symmetry of h^r 
 person, the graces of her action, and the tender 
 rage of her passion, not only revived the old 
 flame in his bosom, but made it burn out with 
 more fury and violence than ever. He owned 
 his past crimes with all the agreeable confusion 
 of hopeless desire, threw himself at her feet, 
 embraced them M'ith a lover's eagerness, and 
 the agony of a sincere penitent : he begged ten 
 thousand pardons, and sent out as many oaths 
 of future fidelity, and present love to that de- 
 gree, that a remission of her rage could only 
 save him from immediate death, which he owned 
 he could not expect but from goodness and 
 mercy, equal to her beauty. 
 
 After an infinite number of sighs, vows, and 
 oaths of perpetual constancy, she seemed to 
 relent ; but shewing some doubt even still of 
 his sincerity, she told him he could give her but 
 one proof of his love, which was m /?/am terms, 
 to renounce God himself for her ; which when 
 the wildness of his passion had done, she, the 
 very moment that he uttered the impious blas- 
 phemy, stabbed him to the heart: who fall- 
 ing down all bloody at her feet, while his 
 closing eyes seemed to upbraid her infernal se- 
 verity, not satisfied with the death of his body, 
 without making sure of that of his soul. This 
 liorrid revenge being performed, she calls 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 205 
 
 in the priest, and telling liim what she had 
 done, owned her last promise to him for fur- 
 nishing her with the means of so ample a satis- 
 faction. Then with the same dagger, reeking 
 yet with the Duke's blood, she pierced her own 
 bosom, saying, Thus I perform mi/ word, while 
 I leave my body m your power to use at your 
 pleasure, and so sunk down on the body of the 
 Duke. 
 
 The inhuman revenge, 1 suppose, had a- 
 Lated the appetite of the amorous priest ; un- 
 less he had the abominable gust of the aban- 
 cloned Matalesti. 
 
 From Fundi we went to Mola by the Via 
 Appia, made at the proper expense of Appius 
 Claudius, a Roman patrician, in his consul- 
 ship. It is five days journey long, and broad 
 enough for two carts to meet and pass without 
 difficulty ; and is paved all over with black flint- 
 stones, as big as two men can carry, and laid 
 so close together, that they have held these 
 eighteen hundred years. The frequent passing 
 of the horses and mules, for so long* a tract of 
 time has made it so smooth and shining, that the 
 sun reflecting on it, you may see it glitter like 
 a highway of silver at two miles distance. 
 
 We passed through Mola directly to Gaeta, 
 where leaving our horses, we took shipping- 
 for the Basilicate ; and passing* Naples at a 
 distance, we arrived with all the speed and 
 
206 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 safety, tliat we could expect or desire, for by 
 this little voyage by sea, we cut off the scent of 
 our eager pursuers. Passing' through Maljl, 
 we made our direct way to Monte Marso, that 
 from its stupenduous height overlooks the city, 
 Ihe country, and the sea ; on which to cast 
 your eyes from its summit, would make you per- 
 fectly giddy with the distance. 
 
 This mountain was formerly a great resort 
 of robbers; but severity and care have cleared 
 them of banditti, though all'their rigid laws and 
 executions, cannot clear them of witches, 
 who here are in some number, as well as in 
 very great perfection in all the amazing myste- 
 ries of the black art ; which yet they conceal 
 as much as possibly they can, for fear of the 
 terrors of the Inquisition. Though they come not 
 up to what was fabled of the old witches of 
 Thessali/y as raising the dead, removing whole 
 cities, bringing down the moon and stars from 
 the firmament, and suspending the earth in their 
 places ; yet can and do with wonderful ease 
 and address, transform themselves, and whomso- 
 ever they please, into what figures and forms 
 they think fit, as 1 can prove by my own ex- 
 perience. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 207 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 On Fantasio's arrival at Invidiosa ; the loonders he dis- 
 covers; the magical music he heard in the night: 
 the song snug hy the spirits. The old witch comes to 
 bed to him : his terror and pains on it ; and after 
 surprise, ichen in his embraces she changes into 
 a beautiful young lady. 
 
 Lazaretto, (for that was the name of Ca- 
 millas servant) in the last discharge of the 
 trust Iiis lady had reposed in Iiini, conveyed me 
 in my cage to a neat little house, whicli fenced 
 round from the weather by various sorts of 
 trees, stood on the brow of a precipice about 
 the middle of this mountain. Having entered 
 this solitary mansion, I was soon set free from 
 my narrow captivity, and received at my en- 
 largement by the lady of the house, whose 
 figme, my safety and joy for the end of so tire- 
 some a journey, could not yet render agreeable. 
 She seemed with age and weakness bent almost 
 double ; her head and her arms trembled with 
 the palsy ; from her eyes there fell a salt 
 rheum, that had eaten gutters down her cheeks, 
 while her mounting shoulders, in an irregular 
 orb overlooking her head, seemed a burthen 
 too great for legs so feeble to support. 
 
 First compliments over, and the door being 
 
208 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 shut, Z,r/r«rc//o tells licr his coiiimission, laying 
 before her the confidence his lady pnt in her, 
 and to encourage her fidelity, she had sent her 
 a release of her m hole year's rent for the service. 
 I was as surprised at Camillas generosity as 
 the old woman was overjoyed at her bounty. 
 After a short lepast, Lazaretto returning the 
 same way to Fundi, I dismissed him with a 
 thousand thanks to his lady, and assurances 
 of perpetual gratitude, and as ample a reward 
 as my little exchequer would allow. Weary 
 as I M'as with the fatigue of so long and incom- 
 modious a journey, the wretched appearance 
 of my hostess, all patches and rags, and the 
 first room of our entertainment, made me really 
 afraid of asking for my bed, till the drowsy 
 god of sleep usurping my eyes, discovered the 
 necessity of a speedy repose. 
 
 Invidiosa (for that was the name of the hos- 
 tess) soon perceived my wants, and guessing 
 my fears, took me by the unwilling hand, with 
 a little more vigor than her appearance 
 seemed to promise, and leading me up stairs, 
 surprised me with a very neat and pleasing 
 apartment, furnished a la Romava, modish 
 and cleanly. She easily perceived this satis- 
 factory surprise, and told me 1 was come to a 
 place fertile of greater wonders than these, 
 as I should soon discover, if 1 made any stay in 
 this retirement. 
 
OP LUCIUS APULEIUS. 209 
 
 As feeble as she seemed, she was very busy 
 in undressing me, and having reduced me to 
 my shift, she left me to my bed. The extreme 
 civility of my hostess, her officious attendance, 
 and frequent tender squeezes, gave me cause to 
 suspect tliat fortune was raising another perse- 
 cution of my tranqnilhty, by the amorous dotage 
 of so disgustful a monster, from whom the ne- 
 cessity of my affairs denied me a retreat. How 
 to deliver myself with safety to my friends at 
 Otranlo, whence, by their assistance, I might 
 soon get out of the power of the Cardinal, so 
 took up my thoughts, tossing and tumbling 
 from one side to the other, that sleep wilh 
 tiie auxiliaries of the hour and my lassitude, 
 could not vanquish my cares. 
 
 Good part of the night being past in this 
 tunmlt of thought, my ears on the sudden 
 were agreeably invaded with a concert of flute- 
 deux, and the sweetest voice I ever heard in 
 my life. The most celebrated voices and in- 
 struments of Rome, fell infinitely short of this 
 wonderful harmony, which was not more 
 charming than amazing in the midst of so 
 wild a solitude, and in the house of so lonely 
 and miserable a creature. If sleep before ho- 
 vered at a distance over my eyes, a serenade 
 so unexpected and transporting, drove it quite 
 away, while my soul was collected in my ears 
 in the most profound attention, with fear and 
 
 Vol. I. P 
 
210 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 delight. The words of the song directed to 
 pleasure, and lulling the emotions of the anxious 
 mind, were as follow : 
 
 SONG. 
 
 1 
 
 Happy youth thy fears dismiss, 
 
 And prepare, prepare to prove 
 All tic extremes of coming bliss : 
 
 All the soft extremes of' love. 
 Youth and beauty now invite you. 
 To dissolve in melting pleasure : 
 Youth and beauty shall delight you. 
 
 With all their Joys, with all their treasure. 
 Indulge the raptures and your hours possess ! 
 In ecstasies of smiling lovers excess* 
 
 2 
 
 Wanton Zephyr's love inspire. 
 
 While they fan the ivhispering trees : 
 Present Cupid lights the fire; 
 
 Present beauty gives thee ease. 
 Happy pair indulge the blessing. 
 
 Damp no joy with needless rigor: 
 While securely you^re caressing. 
 
 Raise the bliss with mutual vigor. 
 Your murmurs softer than the turtles prove, 
 Than Conches more close, your kisses when you love : 
 And when around your curling arms you twine, 
 More strict embraces, give, than ivy or the vine. 
 
 The gloomy darkness that was spread over 
 iny room, as soon as the song was over was 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 211 
 
 dispersed in a moment, by the entrance of four 
 little cupids with tapers in their hands, and 
 bows and quivers at their backs, introducing 
 the odious Invidiosa, made yet more disgust- 
 ful by her gay air, and a dress rich and gen- 
 teel. With a fond but detestable smile she 
 drew to my bed, the curtains being thrown 
 open by her abominable imps. I shivered 
 all over with horror and aversion, dreading 
 her touch as the deviTs, whose perfect resem- 
 blance she bore. Approaching me gently, 
 she seized on my hand and conjured me to 
 banish all fear and apprehension, being se- 
 cure from all harms in the defence of her love ; 
 to which I should not only owe abundance of 
 pleasure, but my safety and deliverance from 
 evils that threatened me. / confess, (said she) 
 that my person is not so inviting as the Cardi- 
 naVs niece., yet believe me, I can impart joys 
 far more transporting, toithout that fickle hi' 
 constancy yon found in Theresa. 
 
 I was yet more confounded at the name of 
 Theresa, in the barbarous mountains of the Basi- 
 licate, and that, from a person that I could 
 not imagine more acquainted with my affairs 
 than I was with hers. This gave me cause to 
 imagine that 1 was fiillen into the hands of a 
 witch, and therefore ought to be as cautious 
 of listening to her enticements as Ulysses was to 
 Circe*s or Calypso's, But not armed with 
 
 p 2 
 
212 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 his virtue and resolution, I found myself more 
 inclined to follow the example of his compa- 
 nions, though my fate proved like theirs. 
 For I considered that, being now wholly in 
 her power, I ought to be cautious of provoking 
 her rage by a slight of her passion, which often 
 drives women of more innocent principles to 
 all the impious rage of unbounded revenge. 
 My inclinations were further corrupted by my 
 guilty desire of inquiring into the strange mys- 
 teries of the black art; a great skill in which, 
 has been attributed to men of some religion and 
 virtue, among whom Alberius Magnus seemed 
 to authorise my curiosity. 
 
 In the midst of these thoughts, the cupids 
 having thrown open my bed, and Invidiosa 
 her garments aside, she laid herself by me, 
 when ordering her little daemons to set the 
 tapers on the table and withdraw, she flew 
 into my arms with such force and desire as 
 relished more of the spring of gay youth than 
 her winter of age. I wished, for my own sake, 
 the lights had been away, that so visible a for- 
 biddance of the joys she required being away, 
 and imagination supplying her defects with 
 foreign charms, I might have been able to shew 
 myself a man in a battle so dreadful. But her 
 cruelty seemed to exceed that of the tyrants of 
 old, who joined the dead to the living, by 
 obliging my eyes still to view the corpse that Jay 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 213 
 
 by me, with her looks disappointing those en- 
 joyments her embraces implored. 
 
 Why so cold P Why so cold ? (said she) to 
 love so icarm, as mine / Have ice already changed 
 our years before we have our souls, while an 
 odious icy impotence congeals thy blood, when 
 mine flows hot and fiery as youth I Where is that 
 vigor so endearing to the CardinaVs niece ? 
 Weak and sickly is that appetite that is kept up 
 with cordials, ichile a stomach strong and robust 
 digests the coarsest food. Rouse, rouse up your 
 manhood, nor basely turn your back in tJie day 
 of combat. If desire be wanting, let pity pre- 
 vail, and by a tender embrace save the life of 
 your protectress. 
 
 Ashamed of myself I desired the curtains 
 might be drawn, that darkness might give me 
 that courage which the tapers destroyed. She 
 denied my reasonable request, with the as- 
 surance that so I should rob myself of the 
 greatest part of the joy I should receive from 
 so strange a metamorphosis, as my caresses 
 would produce. 
 
 To this a mutual silence ensued, and our in- 
 visible concert began a melody so enchanting, 
 that it warmed my blood and gave me cou- 
 rage, (though with my eyes shut) to throw my- 
 self at once into her old withered arms. Strange 
 miracle of magic, in that moment I found 
 
214 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 delights so transporting*, that words cannot 
 express ; having never felt such before with 
 the most charming of the sex, and now in full 
 possession of the joy, without fear of disap- 
 pointment, I opened my eyes, when most agree- 
 ably surprised, I found in my bosom, instead 
 of an old, withered, paralytic hag, a lady young 
 and blooming, and every way most charming 
 in body and face, full of eager love, clasping, 
 curling, twining, murmuring, expiring, in all 
 the wild ecstasy of pleasure. 
 
 This added to my wonder as much as my 
 joys, giving me a double return of that appe- 
 tite, which her former horrid figure had utterly 
 destroyed. She was sensible of the change, 
 and smiling, asked me if I would now have 
 the curtains drawn, or suffer the tapers any 
 longer to give me a sight so disagreeable ? Never 
 let darkness, said I, come hetvoeen this goddess 
 form and my eyes! But tell me, thou Circe 
 m,ost charming, whence this sudden and won- 
 derful change P What swift Medean art could 
 revive this blushing morning of youth, from that 
 shutting evening twilight of decrepit old age? 
 From deformity most shocking, to beauty more 
 than earthly ? Jf I have found any favor in 
 your heart ; if Fantasio has any pretence to the 
 continuance of a blessing which his miserable 
 fortunes could never have expected, ease his 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 215 
 
 laboring mind, satisfy his reasonable curiosity^ 
 let him know whether he be yet in a rapturous 
 dream, or whether it be in your divine art to 
 restore it, as often as his amorous soul should 
 desire it. 
 
 After the heat of our dalliance had given 
 a cessation to our warfare, Invidiosa related 
 her strange story in this manner, while all tlic 
 graces of utterance, and harmony of voice attend 
 on her words. 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 The history of Biancha Pamfili or Invidiosa. Iler 
 marriage to a Franciscan friar. The discovery of 
 his treachery. Her retreat to Monte Marso. Her 
 study of magic and its defence. 
 
 Believe me, my pretty Fantasio, were not 
 fate more thy enemy than Biancha, you should 
 spend all your life in pleasures, like those 
 you have so lately had a taste of: but thy des- 
 tiny, I find, is to wander about the world a 
 long while, without any settled abode of con- 
 tinuance. But I will arm thee with art, as 
 far as I am able, against the cursed influence 
 of a dark malignant planet that menaces thy 
 
216 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ruin ; but of that hereafter, when the inter- 
 vals of pleasure allow us a calm of prudence 
 to weigh things as we ought. I shall now only 
 give you a short abstract of my history, and 
 origin of those wonders you are now so sur- 
 prised at. 
 
 1 derive myself from the noble family of the 
 Fawfili^ a house sufficiently illustrious in Rome. 
 But my father being of the younger branch, 
 and too extravagant in his expenses, left my 
 mother and myself but seven thousand ducats 
 for our maintenance and my dower. That 
 fortune, however, had been enough to have 
 married me genteelly, had not the villany of 
 two Franciscan friars at once put an end to my 
 ho'pes as well as happiness. 
 
 JMy mother had always been a mighty devotee 
 to the Franciscan friars ; and her confessor was 
 then of that order, when my unhappy beauty 
 happened to wound a young jolly friar studying 
 in that convent at that time. My mother was often 
 wishing that her confessor would recommend 
 some pretender to my love ; not doubting but 
 one of his recommendation would make us 
 both happy. After she had often pressed him 
 to this office, and having agreed of the villany 
 with his brother Bernardo, in his visit to my 
 mother, the same discourse arising, he thus 
 applied himself to her, with all the cunning 
 and impious address so bad a cause required ; 
 
or LUCIUS APULEIUS. 217 
 
 but he needed not to have been so very artificial, 
 my niotlier being too well prepared to receive 
 all he said for gospel. 
 
 / am fully persuaded (said he) that God has 
 sent his aw^j-c/ Raphael to me as he did to Tobias, 
 to direct me to a good Jiusband for your daughter. 
 For you may assure yourself that J have met 
 with the most hottest and worthy youno; gentle- 
 man in Italy, icho having often seen your 
 daughter at our churchy in spite of her veilf 
 is infinitely in love with her beauty a?id person. 
 As I was this day saying my office., the poor 
 soul came to me sent by God himself to shoio 
 ine what great desire he has that this match 
 should go forward; and knowing his family, 
 Jiis honesty, and merits perfectly well, I promised 
 him to break the matter to you. 
 
 This was the hypocritical and impious pre- 
 face this holy confessor made to my molher, 
 which he heightened by the following necessary 
 caution, against our discovery of the deceit: — 
 / must confess, my ghostly daughter, (said he) 
 there is one fault at least, in his fortune, which 
 I will not conceal from you, ^that you may make 
 the fairer judgment of the matter, and regu- 
 late your conduct by what I shall unfold. — A 
 dear friend of his was set oti by his enemy, on 
 which drawing his sword to part them, he could 
 not prevent running his stcord through his body 
 and killing him on the spot. Though he struck 
 
218 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 not a blow, nor inade any pass, yet being in 
 the company when the murder was committed, 
 he has been forced to jiy his country, by the 
 advice of his friends, till they have secured his 
 pardon, which they will speedily effect. In the 
 meantime, he retreated to Rome, living here 
 incognito, in the garb of a scholar, as the safest 
 disguise. If, therefore, you approve of the man, 
 the marriage must be secret, and he must in the 
 day-time follow his lectures, and at night return 
 home to your house, till a speedy end is put to 
 his trouble. 
 
 It is easy to deceive those who have no de- 
 ceit, especially when bigotry and devotion pre- 
 pare the way. A perfect faith in what he 
 said, made my mother not question the truth 
 of his plausible tale. She immediately laid 
 her injunctions upon me to admit his addresses 
 and yield to be his wife with the utmost speed, 
 the excess of his passion admitting no delay. I 
 had not then placed my affections on any other 
 man, or troubled myself much about love or 
 marriage. My book had been always my prin- 
 cipal delight, and too much employed all my 
 time to let my thoughts ramble in the pleasing 
 mazes oi Cupid. 
 
 Bernardo was introduced, urged his passion 
 very handsomely, had a person agreeable, 
 discovered some learning and wit, which with 
 me always weighed more than form or dress : 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 219 
 
 ii) short, at a private mass we were married ; 
 the two friars and our family being the only 
 witnesses of the detestable nuptials. 
 
 As his passion was real, his good humour con- 
 tinued, and we lived togetlier for some time, 
 to our mutual satisfaction; and I, was content 
 to share him with his studies, allowing the 
 day to those, and the night to myself. My 
 mother was infinitely pleased with the match, 
 and said, she had reason to bless God and her 
 good confessor for a happiness we had not 
 else obtained. But that devotion to the Fran- 
 ciscans^ that had betrayed me to ruin, was 
 the means of the fatal discovery of my misfor- 
 tune : for going with my mother to mass, at 
 their convent, we came in just after one was 
 begun. We had not kneeled long, when he 
 turning about to say, Domimis vobisciwi, I 
 was surprised and confounded to find him my 
 husband. 1 whispered my mother, that he was 
 either my husband or one so very like him as 
 might excuse the error of my mistake. My 
 mother still full of her opinion of the order, 
 and thinking it a mortal sin to entertain such 
 wicked thoughts of such holy men, endeavoured 
 to persuade me out of my opinion. He turned 
 again on the same occasion, which confirmed 
 my fears, and alarmed my mother with sus- 
 picions of the same nature. But lie Missa est, 
 removed all our doubts, at least mine, who 
 
220 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 was better acquainted with his face. My 
 mother, indeed, seemed not yet to yield an 
 entire credit to her eyes, till the evening put it 
 beyond controversy. When being in bed with 
 me, my mother, according to our agreement, 
 held his hands, as in sport, whilst I pulled 
 of his night-cap, we discovered his shaved 
 crown, which too plainly confessed the treache- 
 rous priest. 
 
 Full of rage I leaped from the bed ; and 
 both running out of the chamber locked him 
 in till we had consulted of our revenge. My 
 mother would not let me follow the violent 
 dictates of my resentment ; but thought it 
 M'ould be punishment enough to them and ig- 
 nominy to their order to have them committed 
 to the secular judge. She therefore, under 
 pretext of some earnest business of importance, 
 sent for her confessor, and secretly for officers 
 to secure their persons, which, as soon as he 
 came, she put in execution and followed her 
 cause close, till the judge delivered them over 
 to the bishop, and he only imposed the pe- 
 nance on them of not saying mass in two 
 months ; so that, by my mother's moderate 
 counsel, all we got by the prosecution, was 
 the discovery of my disgrace, and the security 
 and impunity of the offenders. 
 
 On the knowledge of this roguery of the 
 friars, grief seized too strongly on the spirits 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 221 
 
 of my mother, and the shame of having been 
 the wife of a priest, too much affecting me in 
 Rome, gathering up the shipwreck of our 
 fortunes, we took care to convey all our fur- 
 niture and substance to Amalfi where my ig- 
 nominious fate Avas unknown. But sorrow 
 had taken too fast a possession of my mo- 
 ther to suffer time and place to heal up the 
 evil, so after a short abode at Mii(/i\ the dis- 
 order that had for some time been devouring 
 her, put a period to her life. 
 
 1 will not trouble thee with a needless re- 
 petition of my grief for this loss ; let it suf- 
 fice that it was answerable to the love and 
 goodness of so tender a mother. Weary of 
 the world already, this heightened my aver- 
 sion, till chance leading me to this pleasing 
 retirement, in my inquiries after such a bles- 
 sing, I soon agreed with the seemingly wretched 
 possessor Invidiosa, (whose name and person I 
 here yet preserve) I removed my furniture and 
 fortune to this place, w here I gave myself en- 
 tirely to the study of those books which the 
 friar left behind him, which treated particu- 
 larly of all the hidden mysteries of the ma- 
 gical art. But some parts were so very obscure, 
 that all my industry and study could never 
 have vanquished the difficulty, had I not had 
 the luck to be in the house of the sage Invi- 
 diosa, a woman profoundly learned in that 
 
222 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 wonderful science ; who, finding my inclina- 
 tions so strongly bent on that study, took 
 care not only to explain the difficulties of my 
 own books, but to make me mistress of her 
 curious manuscripts which had carried the 
 art to its utmost perfection ; and which, at my 
 leisure, my dear Fantasia, I will freely com- 
 municate to your curiosity. 
 
 I confess, interrupted I, my curiosity is very 
 strong to things of that nature, were I but 
 satisfied of their innocence and consistence with 
 our faith and religion. 
 
 You labor, my dear angel, (replied she) 
 under a vulgar error, when yon imagine hu- 
 man nature so depraved, as to be able to make 
 a compact with the devil, and renounce the 
 comforts of a God, that they, in the very fact, 
 know to be his master. No, no, whatever the 
 superstitious and ignorant believe, the art of 
 magic is a noble and celestial art, discovering 
 the secret powers of things, plants, drugs, 
 minerals, the whole animal and vegetable king- 
 doms, and all the metallic realms in the 
 earth ; the just application of actives and 
 passives, the influence of the planets, the na- 
 ture of the elements, the knowledge of the 
 infinite number of their invisible inhabitants, 
 the natural ways of obliging or compelling 
 them to our pleasure or service, which must 
 be adapted to the nature of their elements, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 223 
 
 and we must know whether tlie business be 
 fit for an aei'eal, igiicous, aquatic or terrene 
 spirit. For none of them are such enemies to 
 man as voUintarily to do him any mischief, 
 and most of them averse to the offices of re- 
 venge, though they participate generally of the 
 nature of their element, Mhether fire or wa- 
 ter, tlie earlh or the air ; but all are obse- 
 quious to the children of art, who know how 
 to reward them with delights proportioned to 
 their perception. 
 
 By our skill in these things it is that we can 
 alter our shape and appearance, transform the 
 old into youth, and youth into old age, the 
 human shape into those of birds and beasts, 
 and those again into the form of man. Bv 
 this art, we can thicken the thin substance of 
 aereal or igneous spirits, clothing them in more 
 substantial bodies than they naturally enjoy, 
 and by which they may be more useful to our 
 pleasure or service. By this means they can 
 express both vocal and instrumental sounds ; 
 but to far greater perfection than the human 
 organs allow, yourself have been a witness 
 how far their music excels all the throats of 
 the eunuchs of Italy. 
 
 You charm me, my adorable Biancha, (said 
 1) with your wonderful account of these won- 
 ders of nature, hid from the presuming pe- 
 dants of the schools and the system-mongers 
 
224 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 of the virtuosi, and discovered to tlie generous 
 inquiries of a tender yonng- lady, whose beau- 
 ty of person niiglit well excuse the barrenness 
 of the mind, and aversion to studies so difficult 
 and sublime. 
 
 The world, (replied she) that is, the do- 
 mineering part, has always been an enemy 
 to the progress of knowledge, and those great 
 geniuses, who have made rational discoveries, 
 have often been martyrs to the excellence of 
 their understanding. Thus the very proposal 
 of the antipodes, in an ignorant age, called 
 down an anathema, though now it be a truth 
 that nobody denies. Gallileo^ Camjnnella, and 
 other great men have endured the tortures of 
 the inquisition for imparting that knowledge 
 which their studies had found out. What cla- 
 mor and opposition did the Copcrnican system 
 meet with ? when now all but coxcombs allow 
 it, and which I have frequently seen with my 
 eyes verified when I have passed above our 
 atmosphere, and viewed it with equal pleasure 
 and wonder. Nay, the very mechanic per- 
 formances, powers, and motions have been 
 blackened with the invidious name of necro- 
 mancy and witchcraft. Friar Bacon of Eng- 
 land, and even Albertus Magnus have fallen 
 under this censure. You have seen the petty 
 performances of the common chymical re- 
 ceipts ; what magical woods they will raise in 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 225 
 
 their vials. You have seen Diana s tree from 
 a mixture of silver, mercury, and aqua fortis, 
 branch itself from its seed, as it were, into 
 a perfect arborous form, the same is done by 
 plants ; what is done by the various produc- 
 tions of light and a hundred other infant 
 efforts of the imperfect students of magic or 
 nature ? If what they produce be momen- 
 tary, unsubstantial, and useless, it is because 
 they know not the true and secret way of ope- 
 ration, which is a mystery above the vulgar; 
 and being only confined to a few, and those 
 obscure and unknown, the fools of figure and 
 power strike in with the mob, (being equally 
 qualified with knowledge and understanding) 
 to stigmatize this art as the product of hell 
 and the converse with the devil. 
 
 Have you never seen, by the help of a mi- 
 croscope, that every little leaf is iidiabited by 
 certain little animals, thoueh too minute for the 
 eye without its help to discover? Nay, we our- 
 selves are only the habitable world to some 
 animalcules, which you may discover by a 
 microscope, pass in and out at the pores of our 
 hands or other parts. If then this world, this 
 earth, which seems so well replenished with 
 visible animals, abounds in such infinite numbers 
 of those that are invisible, is it reasonable to 
 imagine the vast expanse one perpetual desert, 
 without any inhabitants? It is contrary to reason, 
 
 Vol. I. Q 
 
226 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 and contrary to the experience of the learned. 
 These spaces of the air are possessed by myriads 
 of subtle spirits ; some within our atmosphere, 
 some beyond it, but all communicative of their 
 assistance to man ; and, by the help of art, man 
 can enable them to do what else they are 
 incapable of. These spirits I employ, these I 
 converse with, and use in my farther discovery 
 of nature. I have one my particular friend and 
 never far from me, warning me of dangers, and 
 ministering to my pleasure and instruction. The 
 daemons of Socrates and Aristotle, of Corda?t 
 and other great men, were no other but these 
 friendly spirits. The Adepii converse with 
 them with something more safety, though with 
 not so great familiarity, as we who have made 
 their nature our study, and arrived at such per- 
 fection in art as to be able to furnish them with 
 rewards for their pains, which they long for 
 but cannot get without us. 
 
 By what I have said, you will find that we, 
 whose study is to converse with all the wonders 
 of the creation, cannot be so forgetful of the 
 Creator as to renounce the bright cause of all 
 we enjoy, for a blind vassalage to the lowest of 
 creatures. 
 
 / hless my misfortunes, divine Biancha, (said 
 1) that brought me to the knoivledge of so much 
 beauty of mind and person in one woman. 
 You cannot then be content with the blessing 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 227 
 
 of my mind (interrupted she) in the person of 
 Invidiosa ? Should I resume that form, I am 
 persuaded your raptures would, soon grow more 
 weak. — No, (replied I) could you take one yet 
 more ghastly, your idea is too strongly fixed in my 
 mind, not to make me adore you in any figure. 
 Well, experience will shew (said she) ichcthcr my 
 person or mind he more dear to you. In the 
 meam&hilc, I will make an end, of my history, 
 which this digression had made you forget. 
 
 On the death of this learned Invidiosa, being 
 arrived to so great a proficiency in the art, I 
 assumed her form, both to secure my retreat 
 and my fortune from envy and robbers. But 
 uhen I indulge myself in the arms of the man 
 that I love, in the moment of enjoyment my 
 own form returns ; for that is the nature of the 
 charm I have made use of, to be suspended by 
 the vigorous embraces of a lover. But very few 
 have been the men that have obtained this 
 favor ; and those who could not retain the 
 agreeable secret, have, by their speedy ruin, 
 prevented my revenge ; for that has been always 
 the care of my dcemon, to preserve me from the 
 blind and barbarous cruelty, the laws made by 
 the ignorant inflict on our science. Enjoy, there- 
 fore, the pleasure of the night ; for with the 
 return of the sun I rise old and ugly, and you 
 find no loneer in vour arms the beautiful 
 Biancha, but the frightful Invidiosa. 
 
 Q 2 
 
228 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 I could not but express my wonder and plea- 
 sure, by assuring her, that 1 wislied the double 
 uight of Thebes, when Jupiter Siud Alcmena begot 
 tlie nionster-queller, Hercules, that I might not 
 be so speedily banished a paradise so ravishing. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 The farther villany of friar Bernardo, in cuckolding 
 his patron, vhich proved the death of the wife, her 
 brother, and the friar. Fantasio's retreat disco- 
 vered to the Cardinal. The pursuit comes to Iii- 
 vidiosa's house. She turns him into a fine Bologna 
 lap-dog to preserve him. She is committed for 
 his murder ; and he carried away in that shape. 
 
 Thus we passed several nights in the full 
 luxury of pleasure, and the days in taking my 
 instruction in this art from my mistress, in love 
 and in science. The wonderful effects of her 
 art, the several animals she had about her house, 
 all formerly men or women, their fortunes, their 
 vices, and characters ; as well as the amazing 
 sights she gave me a view of, in the earth, the 
 water, and the air, I shall not mix here with my 
 own fortunes, having committed them to a 
 history by themselves, worthy the knowledge of 
 posterity. 
 
 1 told her one day that I was very much sur- 
 prised to find, that so barbarous an injury as 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 229 
 
 friar Bernardo had done her, met with no 
 farther resentment than sorrow and tears. Tliat 
 certainly she must love him extremely, to forgive 
 him so easily, a treachery so enormous. I must 
 confess, replied she, had my love for him grown 
 in proportion to his manhood, there had been 
 few faults that 1 could not have forgiven him, 
 especially such as I might flatter myself were 
 the effect of an insurmountable passion for my 
 beauty and person. But as I was more a sacrifice 
 to my mother's commands than my own inclina- 
 tion, I never found him make a farther progress 
 in my heart, than duty required. So on the 
 discovery, I easily gave into the extremity of 
 rage ; and had my mother permitted, both he 
 and his confederate should have done sufficient, 
 but secret penance for the transgression. But 
 hindered of that, as I have told you, and baffled 
 by the false measures my mother pursued, I 
 confess my revenge then prompted me to this 
 study, which only could furnish me with the 
 means of obtaining it. But providence prevented 
 my crime in the villain's death, in a country far 
 distant from hence, in this manner : 
 
 Having, after his being exposed in so public 
 a manner, left Rome, he retired into Perigord in 
 France, where, at a convent of his order, he 
 fell into the acquaintance of a gentleman of that 
 country, who was a mighty devotee to St. Francis, 
 Bernardo had a cunning insinuating way, and 
 
230 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 soon won the heart of the country *squire to 
 such a degree, that himself and his house was 
 entirely at his command. Nay, he was so fond 
 of him, that he would often oblige him to lie at 
 his house, though within four miles of his con- 
 vent. There was no secret of his life, or purpose 
 he had, but he communicated it to the friar. 
 This gentleman had a very handsome wife, on 
 whom the amorous friar had cast a hawk*s eye, 
 as the destined prey of his lust. She had now 
 lain in about three weeks and odd days, her 
 husband being extremely fond, had prevailed 
 with her to let him come to bed to her a certain 
 night about twelve. The 'squire having some 
 scruple of conscience about the matter, consults 
 his confessor father Bernardo, who carefully 
 made a full inquiry into the time, by many 
 dubious and roundabout queries that led not 
 directly to the matter. He told him, after a full 
 hearing of the case, that there was no great 
 crime to anticipate the leave of the church a few 
 days, provided in amends he made some small 
 offering for the prayers of his convent. 
 
 He would not enlarge the husband's scruples, 
 nor entirely forbid the encounter, lest he should 
 inform his wife that she should not expect 
 him; but being in his chamber before they 
 went to bed, the jolly friar pushes the glass 
 and makes him pretty mellow ; so not doubt- 
 ing but he would sleep much past the hour, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 231 
 
 he put him to bed about half past eleven, and 
 retiring' to his chamber, undresses himself ready 
 for the amorous encounter ; he steals into the 
 lady's bed-chamber, and soon into the bed, nor 
 was he long- before he came master of his 
 Avishes in her arms. After an unusual course of 
 desire, the friar retired without speaking- a word 
 but in whisper. Retreating to his chamber he 
 soon got on his clothes and hastened to the door; 
 and by the authority he had in the house, he ea- 
 sily prevailed w ith the porter to open the gate 
 and get him his horse. The husband awaking 
 remembers his assignation with his wife, and 
 immediately repairs to her chamber soon after 
 the friar was withdrawn; she taking him for 
 the same, was desirous to know what was the 
 cause of his return, when he had quite tired her 
 with love already ? He was not a little sur- 
 prised at the foul play that had been offered 
 him ; and remembering the friar's questions, 
 his toping with him so late, and that no man 
 lay on that side the house but him and her 
 brother, he went directly to the friar's apart- 
 ment. He found him not there, and coming 
 to the porter had from him a full confirmation 
 of his doubts, and returns to his wife to let 
 her know the certainty of her misfortune, with 
 which she was so affected, that in her husband's 
 absence in pursuit of the friar, she hanged her- 
 self, and ill the struggles of death gave her. 
 
232 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 young babe such a kick in the stomach, that 
 the child expired in sucli cries, that the nurse, 
 who lay in a closet just by, runs into the room; 
 but amazed and affrighted at the miserable ob- 
 ject, she ran to her brother's chamber, who 
 finding his sister and child in this condition, 
 was told by the nurse, that none had been there 
 but her master. 
 
 The brother searching for him in vain in 
 the house, taking horse, rode out to pursue him 
 in his imagined escape. He met him returning 
 from chasing the friar, who had taken another 
 course than to his convent, and no sooner 
 came up to him, but calling him coward and 
 villain, drew his sword upon him. Self de- 
 fence prevailed with the husband to stand on 
 his guard, and in the heat of the pushing he 
 ran the brother through. On his inquiry of 
 the cause of his brother's unprovoked rage, he 
 found the unhappy catastrophe of his wife and 
 child, and in excess of sorrow gave him a full 
 account of what had passed, and the villany of 
 the friar, and as well as he could, conveyed him 
 to his house, where, before the family, he de- 
 clared himself the occasion of his own death ; 
 but for the farther security, he had the king's 
 pardon. 
 
 The morning coming on, and inquiry being 
 made round the country, the friar's horse was 
 found grazing with his saddle on in a large com- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 23^ 
 
 nioii, and himself a little after with his neck 
 broke in a pit, not taking much care which way 
 he fled, fearing the immediate proceeding of the 
 gentleman he had injured. And thus his 
 own villany and the judgment of providence 
 revenged me upon him, without any guilt of 
 mine. 
 
 This story being ended, we removed to 
 pleasure of body or mind, which we wisely di- 
 versified with the wonders of her art, and the 
 wisdom of her precepts. But, while thus in 
 full solitude I enjoyed all the pleasures of ci- 
 ties and courts, by the ministration of the 
 spirits of Biancha, fate, envious of my bliss, 
 was playing me so scurvy a trick as to put a 
 melancholy period to all my more than mortal 
 delights. 
 
 The Cardinal's agents had information at 
 Fundi, that I had been seen publicly at church 
 at the wedding of Baldinotli and Camilla, and 
 that in all probability I might yet be found in 
 their house. On application to the heads of 
 the family, it was owned that such a person 
 was brought from the banditti's castle ; but 
 that, on the wedding-day I had left them, on 
 pretence of earnest business, and was gone they 
 supposed, to my relations. This generous ex- 
 cuse had certainly been sufficient to have secured 
 my retreat, had not Lazaretto been of an amor- 
 ous nature, and had an affair with a cunning 
 
234 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 jilt of that city, who missing him for some 
 days, about that very time, from their usual 
 rendezvous, was every day uneasy with him 
 to know the cause of that absence, and what 
 intelligence he could give her about that guest 
 of his master's, for whom tlie Cardinal pro- 
 mised so generous a reward. 
 
 In vain were all her efforts on Lazaretto, 
 he was too honest to let his lechery get the 
 better of his trust ; yet unable to resist the im- 
 portunity of his mistress, in the fondness of his 
 drink and love, he confessed that he had been 
 at his lady's farms in the Basilicate, to gather 
 in her rents. Though this was far from giving 
 her any ground to guess at the truth: yet 
 the solitude of the place, his sudden depar- 
 ture, and difficulty of telling her before, and 
 his known credit with his master and lady, 
 but chiefly her desire of the two hundred 
 crowns, made her go with some assurance to 
 the Cardinal's agent, and tell him that I was 
 most certainly hid in the mountains about 
 Malji, and there at some tenant's of Baldinotti 
 and Camilla. On the agent's examining how 
 she came by this secret, she laid before him all 
 the grounds we have mentioned of her conjec- 
 ture. The agent, to her terrible disappoint- 
 ment, made light of the information, and sent 
 her away little satisfied with her treachery. 
 However he thought fit to give the Cardinal 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 235 
 
 an account of the matter, and in a little time 
 received orders to despatch three or four mes- 
 sengers into those parts to make a diligent 
 search after me. 
 
 Biancha and I were one happy night in 
 the midst of our dalliance, when, on the sud- 
 den, she started from my arms, and bid me leave 
 the bed with all speed ; for her watchful Dce- 
 mon had told her that moment of the approach 
 of some imminent danger to one or both. Then 
 going with me, naked as we were, into the clo- 
 set, she shewed me two pots of ointment ; the 
 power of the one was to change a man or wo- 
 man into an eagle, the other, into a dog, and 
 bid me chuse which shape I would assume until 
 the danger was over. I being apprehensive that 
 a bird was more subject to hazard than so do- 
 mestic an animal, chose the latter. She then 
 began to anoint me all over with her soft warm 
 hand, when I found myself in a moment trans- 
 formed into a fine and beautiful Bologna 
 lap-dog. 
 
 The operation was scarce over, and Biancha 
 returned to the figure of Invidiosa, when we 
 heard the whole house beset, and endeavours 
 to break open the door : locking me up in the 
 closet, she went and let them in, and Mitli 
 a very officious readiness shewed them all round 
 the house. But entering my chamber, they 
 saw those very clothes lying, which the malice 
 
236 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 of my enemies had so perfectly described, that 
 they could not be mistaken : this redoubled 
 their search ; but opening the closet, found no 
 other animal in the house but Biancha and 
 myself. They swore that she had either hid 
 or murdered me, and that she should go with 
 them to Amalfi, to give an account to the 
 magistrate what she had done with me. 
 
 Biancha, with all her wisdom, was here 
 at a loss ; to discover my concealment, was 
 not only to betray me to the ruin she would 
 prevent, but to have herself tried and burnt 
 for a witch ; to let me go on in that brutal state 
 I was in, without informing me how to dis- 
 solve the charm, was to lose me for ever, and 
 to deprive me of all the benefits of humanity. 
 She therefore desired, if they would oblige her 
 to go to Amalji, that they would suffer her to 
 carry me with her, to be some comfort to her 
 in her confinement. But they plainly told her, 
 she must expect no favor from them ; that 
 they doubted not but my clothes would be evi- 
 dence enough of her guilt, when so powerful 
 an adversary as the Cardinal appeared against 
 her. That, therefore, in her favor they would 
 carry that fine lap-dog for a present for his 
 niece, whose word might be of service to her 
 in her distress. 
 
 Biancha was satisfied, that without her own 
 confession they could never convict her of the 
 
OP LUCIUS APULEIUS. 237 
 
 murder, and had besides some confidence in 
 her art, and the just defence she could make 
 about the clotlies ; so seeing there was no way 
 of rescuing- me from these men's hands, she de- 
 sired, that they at least, would let her take her 
 leave of the poor animal, that had so long- 
 been her only companion in that vast solitude. 
 They yielded her this favor without g-oinir 
 out of her sight, when taking me in her arms, 
 and feigning to kiss, and make much of me, 
 she whispered in my ear her amorous com- 
 plaints, unable yet to know what course to 
 take ; that her only care was the loss of Fanta- 
 sio, or^ at least a long and tedious divorce from 
 his arms. However, she hid me first be no ways 
 concerned for her, since a very few days would 
 set her at liberty ; and that I should be content 
 with the lot that my fates had assigiied me, se- 
 cure against hardships in all my peregrinations 
 from the general regard paid by ladies and peo- 
 ple of quality to such delicate animals. That after 
 I had wandered in this shape through most part 
 ©/"Europe, I should arrive in England ; and that 
 in the capital city of that fortunate island, I 
 should fall into the hands of a most learned 
 physician, the Esculapius of the age, who skilful 
 in all the distempers of the body and mind, 
 could, and did administer cures to every disease : 
 that, in the garden of this celebrated doctor, 
 I should find the sovereign herb, called La Sana 
 
238 THE GOLDEN ASS, &C. 
 
 Mente, by eating of which I should recover my 
 shape. That I should hear his name in every 
 circle of the fair and the witty^ as the Apollo 
 of Britain in his double capacity of Poet and 
 Pliysician. His name alone, being more than 
 all the hyperboles of poetry or heightenings of 
 rlietorick, was his best panegyrick ; for whoever 
 heard the name of Signor Gartho, knew where 
 to find a sure and speedy remedy against all the 
 diseases of body or mind. 
 
 THE END OF THE SECOND BOOK. 
 
THE 
 
 NEW METAMORPHOSIS ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 €f)t JiJleajsant tirvaujsifonnrttfoit. 
 
 THE THIRD BOOK. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Their departnrefrom Amalfi and arrival at a village 
 called Oiizano. Of the gelding the parson of the 
 parish. Their passage thence to the town of Ce- 
 riiio. The adventures of VXnW^^mo^ Avcixwdi^ and liav- 
 baro, and the unluckg intrigues of the fullers and 
 bakers. 
 
 Leaving Biancha confined with iron bars at 
 Amalfi, two of the Cardinal's messengers went 
 with me to Zzowo, leaving the rest to go back after 
 their persecution of the supposed Invidiosa, 
 by Loconiano and Piesto to sea, and so di- 
 rectly to Ostia, without landing at Naples 
 or Gaeta. From Liono we entered the moun- 
 tains on mules, the steepness of which and the 
 
2 10 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ill roads we met with, obliged us to make but 
 a sliort day's jouruey, takiug up our quarters at 
 an iuM in a pretty large village called Ouzano. 
 We were no sooner entered the inn, but 1 was 
 committed to the hostess to lock up in her 
 chamber, lest I should be lost in that strange 
 place, or stolen by the curiosity of some other, 
 as I bad been by them at Monte Marso. 
 
 The hostess was a buxom bona roha, and 
 had for some time had an affair with the par- 
 son of the parish, till now by their want of 
 caution or the jealousy of the husband, they 
 were not a little suspected by the host of cor- 
 nuting his forehead. The hostess took me 
 and carried me herself up to her own chamber, 
 where, opening the door, I saw the vigorous 
 young Domine ready to receive her ; and shut- 
 ting the apartment, they lost no time, but 
 committed themselves immediately to the con- 
 scious bed, where the fury of their passion 
 being over, the dame well pleased with his per- 
 formance, mingling now and then a kiss, began 
 in this manner : Are you sure of your man P 
 Can you trust him with the treasure of my life P 
 Will he not do indeed what he is only to dis- 
 semble the better to deceive my husband, and 
 make our conversation the more easy and undis^ 
 turbed ? Should my dull drudge suspect you 
 meant only an amusement, I fear he would try 
 the honesty ofMartino, and I am afraid a sur- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 241 
 
 geon has not honesty enough to refuse a bribe 
 to betray his trust. However it is, I wish you 
 could have thought of some less dangerous way 
 of removing 7ny husband* s jealousy. Fear not, 
 (my dear charmer replied the priest) / have 
 sufficiently secured Marti no, by a bribe thy 
 husband would scarce overbid did he know our in- 
 trigue, so much more does he value money than 
 revenge. He is too good a christian, poor soul, 
 to bear malice, at least where the execution of it 
 will prove expensive. 
 
 Having- ended this discourse and their amor- 
 ous dalliance, she dismissed the parson by a 
 secret communication between the house and the 
 stables, and returns to her guests, who by this 
 time were as ready for supper as supper was for 
 tliem. They hoped too good a reward for me, 
 uot to take care of feeding" me in the best man- 
 ner ; so sending for me down, they placed me 
 on the table where I fed only on w hat i liked 
 best, refusing every thing but the choicest bits 
 of each dish. Before Me had supped, the par- 
 son 1 had seen so familiar with my landlady, 
 comes in with several olhers, among whom was 
 a surgeon, called JSIartino. The host and his 
 wife, and some more of the family, and all the 
 guests being present, the parson began this for- 
 mal harangue: You, my loving neighbours, and 
 you my kinsfolk, tJiat are present, shall he wit- 
 ness of my doings. It is said, that if thy eye be 
 Vol. 1. U 
 
242 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 a scandal pluck it out ; and that those are happy, 
 who make themselves eunuchs for the kindom 
 of heaven. Noio it has been my misfortune 
 to incur the suspicion of my good gossip here, 
 our host, in relation to his virtuous consort my 
 penitent ; being, therefore, resolved to remove all 
 cause of uneasiness, quarrel, or ill will, by tak* 
 ing away the ground and cause of suspicion, 
 so that hereafter my good penitent and I may 
 converse with all the freedom of two of the same 
 sex, I have already made my will, and dis- 
 posed of my temporal and spiritual affairs, and 
 that, as a good christain and an honest man 
 should, do heartily forgive all my enemies : 
 particularly I declare, that it teas not only by my 
 consent, but by m.y desire, that my honest friend 
 Marti no, the surgeon, undertook this operation 
 upon me; and that, therefore, if any thing hap- 
 pen amiss, or otherwise than the skill of so 
 great an artist promised, he has my hearty par- 
 don before all the company. 
 
 The company were some surprised and 
 others concerned at Avhat the priest said, while 
 the strangers and travellers could not well tell 
 what he designed by his speech ; till now the 
 parson being disrobed and bound fast hand and 
 foot, the surgeon takes out his tools and soon 
 goes to work. The priest was not fond of part- 
 ing with his witnesses of manhood, but had 
 made a secret bargain with the surgeon only 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 243 
 
 to make a flourish, and so pretend tliat he 
 had perfectly gelded him ; but the husband, not 
 without cause, suspecting his familiarity with 
 his wife, as secretly gives the surgeon double the 
 money to go through stitch with his work, and 
 to make the parson an eunuch indeed, by that 
 means to punish him for what injury he had 
 done him, and prevent the like for the future. 
 
 The parson lying now at his mercy, whose 
 money he had already received, his desire of 
 that of the host's prevailed with him, at one 
 slice to shave the parson so close, that spoiled 
 his rutting as long as he lived, adding, that he 
 did not use to make a jest of his operations. 
 'I'he parson swooned away, the disconsolate 
 dame did the like ; the husband and company 
 were pleased at the execution, and the man 
 of god, the blood being staunched, carried 
 home to his own house, where what became 
 of him I know not ; for with the first ap- 
 pearance of day we set out from the inn, wish- 
 ing our host always such revenge on the in- 
 vaders of his bed. 
 
 Having now passed the mountains we ar- 
 rived at Cerino, a town of much less consi- 
 deration than formerly, which the frequent 
 ruins demonstrate. Instead of an inn we went 
 here to the house of the most topping baker 
 in the place, who was a relation of one of my 
 guard, and seemed a civil, good-humoured, 
 
 r2 
 
244 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 honest fellow enough, deserving a better fate 
 Ihan such a devil of a wife as he had. For 
 such a tongue and such a tail, both at bed 
 and at board, was enough to draw compassion 
 from any dog in Christendom, that knew but 
 half so much as I did of the sex. For there 
 was not one vice in nature disagreeable and 
 shocking, from which she was free, her mind 
 being the drain or common-sewer of all wick- 
 edness, where the several channels emptied 
 themselves of their offensive filth and nasti- 
 ness. She was mischievous, cruel, drunken, 
 obstinate, stubborn, froward, impertinent, and 
 saucy, in base rapine, avaricious; in shame- 
 ful expenses, profuse ; a foe to fidelity, and 
 an enemy to modesty, despising and tram- 
 pling under foot all the duties of religion, she 
 would still wear the vizor of godliness, but 
 the mask so ill fitted the proportion of her 
 vices that the hypocrite always was seen in the 
 false zealot ; yet a long while deceiving the 
 world and her own wretched husband, in 
 spite of her daily morning wets and conti- 
 nual adultery. 
 
 The Cardinal's men had occasion to make 
 some little excursory journeys, partly on their 
 master's business, and partly to see some rela- 
 tions they had in those parts, leaving me to 
 the care and protection of this pious good 
 wife of the baker of Cerino. My beauty and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 245 
 
 figure tliat would charm a care from people 
 of auy soul, had no effect upon her ; a musty 
 bit and a knock being all I could get in a 
 dav. A usacfe so uncivil and barbarous I 
 resented, resolving some way or other to be 
 sufficiently revenged on her for my treatment. 
 This made me more curious in observing her 
 actions, nor was she over cautious of conceal- 
 ing her amours from the view of a creature 
 that could not discover her secret ; so that I 
 soon perceived, in her husband's absence, a 
 young fellow resort to her chamber and pos- 
 sess even her person. Besides whom there was 
 an old, fat, greasy bawd, the go-hctiecen of 
 these worthy lovers, ^ho was scarce ever from 
 her, and with whom she frequently considted, 
 in the midst of full glasses of good wine and 
 plentiful breakfasts, of which I could get no 
 share, how with the most address and subtle 
 ways she might abuse her credulous good- 
 natured husband. One day among the rest, 
 in their secret conference, I heard the old 
 bawd deliver herself in this manner, though in 
 a low tone, to avoid being overheard by any 
 of the family. 
 
 ' As for your present gallant, my good 
 ' dame, (said the old bawd) you may do with 
 * him what you please, having without my ad- 
 ' vice admitted him to your arms, though slug- 
 ' gish and fearful to a degree insupportable. 
 
246 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Who suffers his fear and terrible apprehen- 
 sion of the horned beast your husband, to 
 disappoint violent desires and expectations, 
 with a more than husband-like coldness and 
 impotence. Courage is as necessary in love 
 as war, for he that is afraid of his enemy in 
 either will never meet with honor but shame- 
 ful disgrace. Ah ! my good dame did you 
 know but Philipino, what another man is 
 he ! How much more worthy of embraces ! 
 So enchanting, handsome, young, in the very 
 bloom, liberal, strong, constant and active 
 against all the diligent but inefficacious cares 
 of the jealous husband. He only is worthy 
 the stolen favors of every wife, and he is 
 worthy of a crown of gold, if it were only 
 for the trick he lately put upon an old, 
 jealous, troublesome coxcomb, with admirable 
 presence of mind and address. Hear but 
 the adventure, and then you will be able to 
 make the comparison between the different 
 qualities of gallants. 
 
 ' You know Signor Barbara, an alderman 
 of this town, whom the mob, for the sour- 
 ness and severity of his temper, calls the 
 scorpion. This man has a young charming 
 wife, adorned with all the beauties of body 
 and mind that can render her desirable to 
 the young and the amorous. This treasure 
 by the husband is kept under the strictest 
 
OV LUCIUS APULEIUS. 247 
 
 ' and most watchful guard imaginable against 
 
 * tlie access or attempts of all who may wish 
 
 * to possess it/ 
 
 ' Certainly, (interrupted the baker's wife) 
 
 * 1 know Areiina, my school-fellow very well, 
 
 * for it is of her and her husband you now 
 
 * discourse/ * You are already, therefore, ac- 
 
 * quainted with the whole story (replied the 
 
 * bawd) of her amour with Philipino P* ' Not 
 
 * with one word of it, (said the other) but I 
 
 * long to hear it and 1 beg you, my dear 
 
 * mother, to tell me every particular in its due 
 
 * order.* 
 
 The loquacious bawd took her word at the 
 first rebound, and closed in with her desire in 
 this manner: 
 
 ' This Barbara being* obliged to go to iVa- 
 
 * pies on extraordinary business, with which 
 
 * he could by no means dispense, fearful of, and 
 
 * desirous to preserve his own peace, and his 
 ' wife's honor and chastity, with the utmost 
 ' caution and care, in his absence, he took these 
 
 * measures. He had a poor old slave, or ser- 
 ' vant, called Myrmillo^ whose fidelity he had 
 
 * often and long experienced. To this argus 
 
 * he secretly commits the custody of his mistress 
 ' entirely, threatening him with imprisonment, 
 
 * violent death, or famine, if he suffered any 
 ' male creature so much as to touch her with 
 ' the tip of his finger, in his absence, assuring 
 
248 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Myrmillo of his rigid performance of his 
 threats with a thousand horrid imprecations 
 and curses. So leaving him with fear and 
 dread enough to make him a cautious and 
 watchful guard on his wife, he with abundance 
 of security sets out on his journey. 
 ' The anxious Myrmillo having ever his 
 master's threats before his eyes, never suffers 
 his charge to stir out of doors ; nor is he ever 
 absent out of her chamber when at work, 
 watching her almost to every necessary occasion 
 with a diligence unwearied. 
 ' But the beauty of Aretina was too con- 
 siderable for fame to be silent of it, or for the 
 inquisitive Philipino not to hear something of 
 charms so extraordinary ; but that which gave 
 him the greatest spur to the attempt, was the 
 reputation of her own chastity, and the 
 vigilance of her keeper, both obstacles worthy 
 his industry to overcome. Pushed on with 
 singular ambition, and thoroughly prepared 
 against all events, he draws down all his forces, 
 and employs all his stratagems, to storm or 
 undermine the tenacious discipline of this 
 house, being already sensible, that all human 
 fidelity was frail, and that there were no diffi- 
 culties so great, or fortifications so impregnable, 
 but were pervious to gold, and that money 
 would burst open gates made of adamantine 
 rocks ; a lucky opportunity throwing Myr- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. '249 
 
 ' viitto all alone in his way, taking- hold of the 
 ' forelock of occasion, he addresses himself to 
 ' him, plainly discovers his passion for his 
 ' mistress, and begs his assistance in an amour, 
 ' which could not be completed without him ; 
 ' that he must perish without his speedy con- 
 ' veyance of him to the arms of Arctina. That 
 ' he should consider the matter was very easy, 
 ' and feasible, and carried no terrible difficulty 
 
 * that ought to frighten or deter him from the 
 
 * undertaking- ; since he coming all alone, 
 
 * under the convenient cover of the shades of 
 ' night, could, by his help, gently steal into 
 ' the house, and after a little stay in his lady's 
 
 * chamber, return out again the same way 
 
 * without observation. To this easy draught of 
 
 * the matter, pulling out a handful of gold, he 
 ' added the wedge that soon split in pieces all 
 
 * the fidelity of this formidable guard, when he 
 
 * heard him assure him of twenty pieces of that 
 
 * gold for his mistress, and ten for himself, the 
 
 * moment he was admitted to happiness. But 
 
 * Miirmillo confounded between the dazzlins- 
 
 "■' o 
 
 * charms of the gold, and the guilt of the pro- 
 
 * posal, stopping his ears and his eyes, he flew 
 ' away from him, and locked himself up in his 
 ' master's house. 
 
 ' But the locks and the bars could not exclude 
 ' the tempting image of that glorious splendor 
 ' of the gold he had seen in the hands of Phi. 
 
250 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 lipino ; the yellow light yet glared in his eyes, 
 and made him with desire grasp the rich prey 
 in his mind, while with a wonderful tempest 
 of thought, and distraction of resolution, the 
 miserable wretch is drawn, nay dragged into 
 various and contrary opinions. On this side 
 stood his trust, and fidelity to his master ; on 
 that the gain and reward of his treachery; on 
 this his threatened punishment, on that his 
 promised pleasure. But powerful gold, at 
 last, drove the fear of distant torments and 
 death out of the field, and left it to the present 
 satisfaction. This contest was not of a moment, 
 but extended its disquiet to the perpetual in- 
 vasion of his nocturnal cares, and the destined 
 hours of his natural repose ; the lust of gold, 
 and pest of avarice having now taken full pos- 
 session of his heart ; and though his master's 
 threats persuaded his stay at home, yet the 
 syren voice of the bewitching gold called him 
 abroad. Thus vanquished by this he goes to 
 his mistress, and without hesitation delivers 
 the message sent by him from Philipino ; the 
 woman, following the genuine levity of her 
 temper, surrendered immediately her boasted 
 honor and chastity to the execrable metal. 
 ' Myrmillo, overjoyed at the success of his 
 negociation, on all the wings of desire to touch 
 and possess the charming gold he had seen, 
 flies to the transported Philipino, informing 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 251 
 
 him of the accomplishment of his wishes, by 
 his singular labor, industry, and address, 
 impatiently asking- the reward of his infidelity, 
 and with a greedy hand receives the shining 
 ore, which till then was scarce ever master of 
 half the bulk of brass or copper. 
 
 * The night comes on, Philip'mo's sufficiently 
 disguised, and the lusty young lover conveyed 
 by Myrmillo to his master's house, and mis- 
 tresses bed-chamber. But as pleasure seldom 
 comes sincere to man, w bile the young lovere 
 make their first oblations to Venus, in the 
 midst of vigorous onsets, in the furious, but 
 tender warfare of kisses and embraces, the 
 jealous husband returns, as unexpected as 
 unwelcome. He first raps gently at the door, 
 then calls aloud, and bounces with impatience 
 and suspicious rage, and full of resentment 
 by the delay, vows unheard of punishments to 
 Myrmillo. But he quite confounded with an 
 evil so sudden, lost in the terrors of fear and 
 apprehension, knew not what course to take, 
 or what resolution to follow. At last, the only 
 excuse he could make to his impatient master, 
 was, that the darkness of the night, and the 
 want of a candle, would not let him find out the 
 key, which in discharge of his trust he had hid 
 with that care, that he could not readily come 
 at it. 
 
 ' The noise had by this time alarmed Phi- 
 
252 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 lipino, who snatching up his clothes, and 
 leaping out of bed, in the hurry ran out of 
 the chamber without his shoes; and coming 
 near Mpmillo, he then opened the door, and 
 let in his master full of oaths and execra- 
 tions, who ran directly to his own chamber. 
 The lover was dismissed, the door soon fast- 
 ened, and Myrmillo retires to his bed. But 
 as Barharo the next morning was leaving 
 his chamber, he spies these strange shoes 
 standing under his bed, and taking them up, 
 though he pretty well guessed by them what 
 was done, said not a word to his wife, or any 
 of his family of his intentions, he orders 
 Myrmillo to be bound by his fellow servants, 
 and dragged out into the street in order to 
 carry him to prison, resolving by that or worse 
 punishment to find out the adulterer. 
 ' As he thus marched along the street full 
 of tumultuary thoughts, and Myrmillo be- 
 hind him laden with chains and guarded 
 by his fellow servants, though not yet con- 
 victed, yet charged to home by his conscience, 
 wept most abundantly, and sent forth most 
 pitiful complaints to move compassion in his 
 master, and those that beheld him ; Philipino 
 came by, and easily guessing the matter by the 
 condition of Myrmillo, taking counsel from 
 the present exigence of affairs, and the rea- 
 diness of his wit, with his Avonted constancy 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 253 
 
 * and handsome assurance, driving away the 
 ' servants he falls on Mi/rjuilio, loud in words, 
 
 * and seemingly very fierce in his blows, 
 ' though he disguised his rage so well, that 
 ' the beholders saw more than the captive 
 ' felt — You damned confounded rogue, (cried 
 ' PhilipinoJ worthy 7iot only of these chains, hut 
 ' prisons and duiigcotis, nay the gibbet itself 
 ' who yesterday durst steal away my shoes, while 
 ' / was bathing myself in the Bagnio. 
 
 * He being taken off, with much ado by 
 ' the master and servants, full of desperate 
 ' threats and counterfeited rage went his way. 
 ' Barbaro by this imagining his suspicions 
 
 * ill grounded, and his servant still innocent, 
 ' returns back to his house ; sets Myrmillo at 
 ' liberty, with a lecture not very severe against 
 ' the sin of his theft, giving him the shoes, 
 
 * with orders to return them immediately to 
 
 * the owner ; thus handsomely bantered into a 
 ' security in his wife's honor, and his servant's 
 ' fidelity.' 
 
 The old eternal tatler had scarce done her 
 story, when the baker's wife burst out into 
 these pious ejaculations : Thrice happy (said 
 she) is that woman, who is blessed with a 
 friend of that constancy and vigor of body 
 and mind ! while I, wretched woman ! have 
 met with a gallant, so timorous and cowardly, 
 that the very noise of the bolting mill, and the 
 
254 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 siffht of his own shadow strikes with a panic 
 terror. JVell. rest you satisjied, (resumed the 
 old bawd) at the hour appointed I will bring you 
 this brisk, this witty, bold lover. So having 
 fixed the time that very evening, she left the 
 longing wife to wait for the happy moment. 
 
 But to waste the tedious minutes, this pious 
 chaste wife employs herself in preparing a no- 
 ble collation, she racks off the rich wines, 
 seasons the provoking soup with forced meats, 
 and set herself out to make every part of his 
 reception the more agreeable to so meritorious 
 a gallant ; waiting his adulterous approach 
 as that of some saint or divinity. The hus- 
 band was very opportunely to sup abroad with 
 a neighbour and intimate friend of his, a fuller 
 by trade, and one of the topping burghers of the 
 town. 
 
 The sun was now gone to illuminate the 
 other half of the globe, and left our hemi- 
 sphere to the dominion of night : when the 
 damnable bawd, most punctual to her time, 
 returns with the forward adulterous boy. 
 Scarce had the soft down yet shaded his face, 
 yet capable of raising and satisfying the too cri- 
 minal and too common passion in the men as 
 well as the ladies. Willi open arms she receives 
 him, and devouring kisses, and the strictest 
 embraces, and all the soft welcomes that eager 
 wishes and love could inspire. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 255 
 
 The first hurry of love being over, they sit 
 clown to the table. But, as the malevolent 
 plants ordained, he had scarce yet done with 
 the soup and began the first dish, but the 
 intruding' unexpected husband comes home. 
 The pious good wife having given him to ten 
 Ihousand devils and wished his neck broke 
 for his cruel interruption, throws an empty 
 trough (in which they used to bolt their meal) 
 over him, and removes the table into the closet. 
 Having thus disposed of her gallant and feast, 
 with her native cunning dissembling her guilt, 
 she belies her fearful heart with a countenance 
 unconcerned, and Avith all the calmness imagin- 
 able, asks her husband the cause of his sudden 
 return, and of his leaving a supper prepared 
 for him by his neighbour and intimate friend ? 
 
 When, sighing with a groan from his very 
 heart, Alas! said he, unable to hear the into- 
 lerable wickedness of a projligate woman, I /led 
 aicay home. Good Hcavefi ! what an age do we 
 live in! What a woman have I seen! How faith- 
 ful, how sober in appearance ! And how she has 
 most sJiamcfully defiled herself loith the most 
 opprobrious disgrace / / sivear to you by the 
 blessed Virgin Mary, I can scarce credit my own 
 eyes against her. 
 
 The wife's curiosity being raised by these odd 
 exclamations of the husband, she could not rest 
 satisfied till he gave her a full account of the 
 
25G THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 adventure. Who, to avoid the stirring up of 
 his wife's unquiet devil, began a relation which 
 he little thought so near a parallel to his own 
 case. 
 
 " My friend the fuller's wife, having till 
 " this moment maintained the incontested repu- 
 " tation of a woman of severe honesty, govern- 
 " ing her family with modesty and discretion, 
 " and a singular fame for chastity, has now at 
 " last sacrificed all to the criminal embraces of 
 " an adulterer. She was not content to enjoy 
 " daily the impious thefts of an adulterous love 
 " with her gallant, but knowing the appoint- 
 " ment, was yet in his arms when we came 
 " home to supper. Arriving something earlier 
 " than she expected, the readiest way her sur- 
 " prise could furnish her with, was to clap him 
 " under a wicker flasket, she covered it with 
 " some clothes wet with the warm sulphur and 
 " strewed all about fine powder of the same as a 
 " heap of white linen just Morking in the trade. 
 " Having thus securely, as she thought, con- 
 " cealed her gallant, we being come in, she 
 " sat down with us to the table without any 
 " concern. But the youth almost suffocated 
 " with the smoke of the sulphur^ was forced by 
 " its nature to a frequent sneezing, the noise 
 " coming from behind his wife, the good man, 
 " the first, second and third time, cried : God 
 " bless her; but the sneezing still redoubling, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 257 
 
 " he suspected the matter, and pushing away 
 " the flasket, he makes a discovery that per- 
 " fectly confounded us all, a young man panting 
 " for life and breathing almost his last breath. 
 *' The husband full of rage calls for his sword 
 " to kill the poor wretch that lay just expiring 
 *' on the floor before us. 
 
 " I had much ado to stop the execution of 
 " his revenge by urging the common danger 
 " from so wilful a murder, assuring him, that 
 " in all probability the sulphur had done his 
 " business to his hands without involving us in 
 " the guilt of blood. Not vanquished by my 
 " persuasions, but the present necessity, he 
 " carries him out into the next alley there to 
 " leave him to perish alone. In the meantime 
 " I persuaded the guilty wife to withdraw a 
 " little while to some friend or other till her 
 " husband's rage was appeased, which now in 
 " its first excess, might produce some evil con- 
 " sequence too fatal to both. Thus sick of my 
 " poor neighbour's unlucky entertainment, 1 
 *' immediately retired to my own house." 
 
 Thebaker's wife, with a zeal asshameless, as false 
 and impudent, as soon as she had heard her hus- 
 band's relation, burst out into avolley of execrati- 
 onsagainst the unhappy wife of the fuller, ca//iM«' 
 her perfidious and impudent ; a monstrous dis- 
 grace to the whole se.v^ who laying aside her mo- 
 desty and chastity, tramplitig on the sacred 
 
 Vol. I. S 
 
258 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 league of the genial hed^ had stained her hits- 
 hand* s house icith thejilthy infamy of the brothel; 
 and having lost the dignity of a wife, was mi- 
 serably fallen into the scandal of prostitution, 
 concluding her passionate harangue with this sen- 
 tence, that such women ought to be burnt alive. 
 Yet sensible of her own secret guilt, and ad- 
 monished by her own sordid conscience, and 
 fearing some like accident of discovery, to 
 set her gallant free from his troublesome con- 
 finement, she every now and then was persuad- 
 ing her husband to go to bed in good time. 
 But he, having lost his supper at his neighbour's 
 was hungry, and ordered her to spread the table 
 with something to eat. She speedily complies 
 with his desires, that she might so at least be rid 
 of him the sooner, yet much against her will, 
 giving her husband what she had provided 
 for her gallant. 
 
 The supper being set, I applied myself to 
 the good man, not hoping a morsel from the 
 abominable wife, whose last scene of impudence 
 had raised my indignation to resolves of revenge, 
 by discovering, if I could possibly do it, her fa- 
 vored gallant hid under the trough. The good- 
 natured husband took care of me as the trust of 
 his friend and relation, and fed me most plenti- 
 fully, though not without many a kick from 
 his ill-natured wife. My belly now full, I ran 
 smelling about the trough to make him take 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 259 
 
 notice, but in vain, the wife averting his notice 
 by some art or other; till at last I found one of 
 his hands without the trough, and seizing it with 
 my teeth, gave him such squeezes, that striving 
 to get his hand under his shelter, he quite tum- 
 bled it over, and discovered the shame of the 
 lewdest and most impudent of women. 
 
 The baker not at all moved with this manifes- 
 tation of his infamy, taking up the youth with a 
 sereneaction and calm countenance soothes him, 
 all pale with fear and apprehension, in this man- 
 ner : — Fear not any danger from nie^ my soji, 
 said he, I am no barbarian, nor of so rustic 
 and uncourtly a temper, to injure so charming a 
 gallant, for a little slip of youth, which you can 
 easily atone ; nor will I stifle thee, as my 
 neighbour did his cuckold-maker, with the fume 
 of the sulphur ; nor even will I try, by the 
 known civil law against adulterers, so beau- 
 tiful and accomplished a youth. No, no, I 
 will only divide joys with my wife, and one bed 
 may be the pleasing and undisturbed scene of 
 both our enjoyments ; for I have always lived 
 so amicably with her, that the same object 
 that pleases her, must afford me like pleasure. 
 Yet the law will allow, that the wife has not 
 greater privilege and authority in the house 
 than the husband, and as yet we are not on an 
 equal footing. 
 
 Having in this ?ro7i7'ca/ manner bantered the 
 
 s 2 
 
260 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 young spark, he draws him after him, though 
 unwilling into his chamber, and locking out his 
 wife, there took what an Italian thinks a pleas- 
 ing revenge on him for corrupting the marriage- 
 bed. 
 
 I was not insensible, that if I stayed behind 
 him, I should experience the resentment of the 
 wife for the discovery 1 had made, I therefore 
 made my way before him, but could not es- 
 cape a little sample of her good will , for tread- 
 ing on my foot, as by chance, she almost squeez- 
 ed my toes to pieces. The good man with a 
 curse on her for her pains, takes me up in his 
 arms, and conveys me in safety into his bed- 
 chamber. 
 
 But when the returning sun had once again 
 restored the pleasing light of the morning, call- 
 ing up two of the lustiest men he had, he 
 commanded one to hold him up fairly at his 
 back, and the other to hold his legs to the best ad- 
 vantage, and with a ferula he laid on his poste- 
 riors in a plentiful manner, all the while speaking 
 to him with a pleasant contempt. — How now 
 my tender bardash, said he, do you so improvi- 
 dently waste yourself on women, while yet you 
 are so fit for the caresses of men ? Do you 
 already pursue the corruption of maids and 
 wives ? And though not yet ripe for the name 
 of an adulterer, dost thou court the appellation 
 with too forward an ambition ? Having thus 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 261 
 
 abused him, and beat him sufficiently, be turned 
 him out of doors without any farther damage or 
 harm. This stout and vigorous adulterer, get- 
 ting this unhoped for delivery from death, 
 covering up his buffetted buttocks, took him- 
 self with his utmost speed to his heels. 
 
 The baker then sent his wife word to be gone 
 out of his house, if she expected to come of!* with 
 a punishment so mild. But she was of a temper 
 not to be liumbled by disgrace, or won by mo- 
 deration ; but enraged by her infamy, made use 
 of his lenity to endeavour a revenge. But her 
 plot being discovered, to escape her husband's 
 resentment she fled from the place. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Fantasio is bought by a friar, confessor to a monastery 
 of nuns in Sarno. Jin account of the amours of the 
 friars and the nuns, and of several of their profane 
 verses to their recluse mistresses, and of the lewd 
 freedoms they took with them thefrst night he was 
 there. 
 
 The Cardinal's men being now come back, 
 and having heard of the misfortune of their kins- 
 man, and my hurt, they condoled with him a 
 day or two, and then pursued their journey to 
 Carlfe, a small but pleasantly situated town ; 
 
262 THE GOLDEN AS3 
 
 whence passing through Marzano and Solefra, 
 we arrived at the city of Sarno. At the entrance 
 of the gate we met with a friar, who happened 
 to be a confessor to a monastery of nuns in that 
 city ; and casting his eye very wishfully on me, 
 desired his brother, one of the two of my con- 
 ductors, to give me to him for a present to a 
 lady, a great devotee of their order, and a parti- 
 cular friend of his ; however, on finding him 
 difficult to part with me, he proffered him two 
 crowns in gold for me. Money, that does all 
 things, soon diverted their minds from preserv- 
 ing me for Donna Theresa ; and so those who 
 had no other right to me but force, for a price 
 so considerable sold me to the friar. 
 
 The lady he designed me for, was only a 
 beautiful young nun of the monastery to which 
 he was confessor. For having long made his 
 addresses to her, he thought he could not find 
 a more agreeable present than a creature so very 
 extraordinary in its kind. 
 
 Vespers being over, and the nuns according 
 to custom being got to the grates, were plea- 
 santly entertained every one with her friar. 
 There he first produced me to the company, 
 and raised the admiration and envy of all those 
 who could not compass so pretty a piece of 
 gallantry. 
 
 By the substance of this first conversation I 
 found, that though locks, bars, and iron grates 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 263 
 
 may raise fine solemn imaginations in a stranger 
 that sees them, yet they prove but very Meak 
 securities to their virtue, whom they inclose, 
 when there are keys and free occasiojial 
 access to the brawny young confessor. Here 
 1 perceived that the religious recluses did not 
 always spend their time in devotion, bodily 
 labor, or innocent diversion ; and that such 
 arbitrary and unalterable resolutions were 
 necessary causes of very dangerous conse- 
 quences. For there certainly is that magic 
 in nature, that is too hard for all those pro- 
 visions, and precautions of their rules and 
 institutions, and even legal penalties ; while 
 in spite of all these I found them delivered up 
 to the uncontrollable power of their natural in- 
 clinations. And indeed, when we consider not 
 the frame of our natures^ nor the dependance of 
 our beings on the variety of objects that act 
 upon us, but will contrary to the laws of our 
 creation pretend to take heaven by violence, 
 in a wrong notion of forced methods, and bind 
 ourselves unalterably to such laws in the doing 
 it, as shall contradict those inclinations that 
 God has planted within us, and given, per- 
 haps, that power and force to in some con- 
 stitutions, that they cannot be controlled but 
 by that legal and ordinary provision that he 
 has made for them ; it is no wonder that we 
 find ourselves rashly foolish in endeavouring to 
 
264 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 be wiser tlian the Deity that made us, and in- 
 stead of being extravagantly more divine and 
 religious than our neighbours, prove at last 
 to be but ridiculously brutish. 
 
 How just those reflections are, and how well 
 grounded in their nature, the following account 
 will sufficiently show, by the strange and wild 
 excesses of luxury and lust, which my shape 
 gave mean opportunity of observing between 
 the friars and the nuns, and between the nuns 
 themselves. 
 
 Father Pietro who had bought me of his 
 brother, having shewed me as I said at the 
 grate, ordered sister Clara, to whom he then 
 made his amorous addresses, to send round a 
 lay-sister to convey me to her. 
 
 What the discourse was between these jolly 
 friars and nuns, whilst I was carrying round, 
 I know not, but as soon as I was delivered to 
 sister Clara, my new mistress, and she had 
 given me such usual caresses as dogs of my 
 merit meet with from the fair and the foolish, — 
 Welly father Pietro, let me see your verses, 
 (said she) let me see how far my eyes have in- 
 spired your muse, or whether you have any other 
 muse than myself to Jire your imagination. 
 There are those exquisite perfections in the in- 
 comparable Hermione, (replied the friar) thai 
 it is impossible for Thyrsis to express the thou- 
 sandth jmrt of them, all language being too poor 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 265 
 
 and scanty to convey the divine idea she raises 
 in our ravished mind. 1 attempt not^ therefore, 
 to drato the divine Hermione's beauties, I only 
 aim at expressing my oicn misfortwie, in being 
 a slave to the most obdurate, as the most 
 charming of her sex. J therefore suppose my 
 friend Daphnis complaining of a mercenary mis- 
 tress, that he may obtain for money ; whom I 
 answer with the difference of his fate and mi?ie. 
 But the verses toil I explain themselves : 
 
 A DIALOGUE BETWEEN DAPHNIS AND THYRSIS. 
 DAPHNIS. 
 
 Why did I faith and truth prefer, 
 
 Andvainly think that wit would move ? 
 ^Tis only gold can win the fair, 
 
 Gold buys for every one her love. 
 Like holy cheats she barters heaven 
 
 For gold, not pious deeds atid vows, 
 Jilinds not who gives but what is given. 
 
 To love she no kind look allows. 
 This contradiction to my bliss Ifind, 
 I love her heavenly form, but hate her sordid mind. 
 
 THYRSIS. 
 1 
 
 Happy Daphnis, since yon know, 
 
 The price that will your fair one gain; 
 
 To yourself your ills you owe, 
 If you idly slill complain ; 
 
266 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 If Chloe's vices the kind balm impart, 
 
 That cures the easy wounds her eyes make in your heart, 
 
 II 
 
 But there are no hopes for me 
 To assuage my raging smart. 
 To gain the bright Hermione 
 
 There is no price, there is no art ; 
 Honors and heaven are bought by gold and prayer. 
 But nature yields no bribe to win that heavenly fair. 
 
 The verses (said Clara) are indeed very good, 
 and worthy a nobler subject ; hut they seem to 
 me a little too profane for the author. Alas ! 
 yny dear Hermione, love has always a great 
 latitude allowed him ; and a soul thoroughly 
 possessed with that passion, as mine is, can 
 think nothing profane that expresses the 
 violence of his affection^ or his mistresses 
 charms. 
 
 Father Pietro, / think, (resumed father An- 
 tonio) is infinitely in the right ; for how can a 
 7nind wholly fixed, nay, wholly subsisting on the 
 object of^ its desires, think it profanation to ap^ 
 ply all the creation, all that m.an is capable 
 of thinking good or great, to the beauties of 
 Iris's or Lysander's love. For my part, J shall 
 never find it in my roll of deadly sins, to pay 
 that adoration to the living, and immortal and 
 visible image of God in my Iris, ncihich we think 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 267 
 
 it our duty to offer to the inanimate and sense- 
 less Jigures of divine beings. I believe what I 
 have made on this subject may be entertaining to 
 the company^ and that the goddess of my vows, 
 the sovereign of my heart, the incomparable Iris 
 \oill accept it, as a pure offering of that passio?i 
 her charms has inspired, 
 
 AN ODE 
 
 TO IRIS, BY LYSANUEH. 
 I. 
 
 IVith calm emotions I can vieio 
 Their color, feature, form, and dress, 
 
 Jind every lesser heautifs due, 
 
 With ease distinguish and express; 
 
 But when within my laboring soul. 
 
 Onward to birth the bright ideas roll, 
 
 Of all those beauties we behold in you ; 
 
 My ravished thoughts their impotence confess ! 
 For tvhat of their united charms would be, 
 
 A monstrous, vast Hyperbole, 
 Will scarce the least faint image give of thee, 
 
 II. 
 
 Sooner might painters draw a sound. 
 
 Poets paint heaven, and priests their hell, 
 
 Reason faitKs mysteries expound. 
 Prophets their wondrous visions tell. 
 
 Than I express one only grace. 
 
 Of all the honors of her heavenly face ; 
 
268 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Like them, alas! like them 1 should confound 
 And not instruct my hearer^s wrangling zeal : 
 
 For all inspired fancy could say of theCf 
 
 But a blind parable ivould be, 
 Of thy divine unutterable mystery. 
 
 III. 
 
 / love you, Iris ; yes, by heaven I do ! 
 
 But with so pure aflame, 
 As neither man nor angels ever kneiv, 
 
 For which nor man nor angels have a name ; 
 The human passion we by hope sustain, 
 
 Possession keeps the angelic flame alive, 
 Beauty and God their heavenwouldboast in vain, 
 
 But for the Joys they do their votaries give, 
 While I in spite of all the pangs Ifeel, 
 Praise my bright goddess in despair and hell. 
 
 As profaile as this seemed to my lame un- 
 derstanding, I found it met with no small ap- 
 plause from the company. The success of 
 father Pietro and father Antonio prevailed with 
 father Sehast'iano to produce his poetical efforts 
 to his beloved sister Zelinda^ in the following 
 manner : 
 
 Frail lines, how dare you thus your fortune try ? 
 Yet go faint sallies of my amorous mind. 
 If you as good, as wise, Zelindaflnd, 
 And from her eye one tender glance obtain,^ 
 
 Your happy fortune tvill in me 
 
 Kiyidle the flames of jealousy, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 269 
 
 Wiile 1 at distance breathe my sighs in vain ; 
 ^h ! rob me not or of her heart or eye. 
 Tell her in her 1 only live, without her die ! 
 Tell her 1 love, I languish, I despair, 
 And by the sovereign Godhead swear, 
 Cleon icill be as constant as she's fair, 
 
 I found that these good fathers were not 
 content to en)ploy all this profane stuff to win 
 the hearts of the religious sisters, and to fire 
 them with those criminal flames with Mhich 
 they burnt so violently themselves, but took 
 care to endeavour to persuade them of the 
 merit of their compliance, as with a duty au- 
 thorized by the greatest fathers of the church, 
 nay the Apostles and Christ himself; as will 
 be plain from the following discourse and verses 
 of friar Dominico : 
 
 I have found, imj dearest Clelia, (said he) 
 that you have often raised frivolous scruples 
 ao-ainst those freedoms I xoould have taken with 
 you, and those agreeable sentiments of love 
 I have endeavoured to instil into your cruel 
 and obdurate heart, as if that which is the 
 hand and ligament of the whole universe could 
 he a crime in us. The Maker of nature has 
 fixed it as the preserving principle of the uni- 
 verse, without which all this harmony of beings 
 would fall into confusion, and mankind j^erish 
 in a day. No, no, by how much more pecu- 
 liarly we are set apart and devoted to the praise 
 
270 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 of this founder of love, hy so much the more 
 ready we should he to listen to the soft and 
 gentle whispers of a passion to which we owe 
 both our being and well-being. But that you 
 may not think me partial to my own inclina- 
 tionsy hear what St. Aiig"ustin, St. Ambrose, 
 and the other lights of religion have said on 
 this head, and learn from them, my dear Cielia, 
 to embrace that as a duty, which you have vainly 
 hitherto avoided as a crime : 
 
 St, Austin, preaching to a dame. 
 
 Thus praises love's celestial fame : 
 
 Love as the essence of the soul, 
 
 Jill other passions should controul; 
 
 St. Bernard torote a tract to prove 
 
 How meritorious 'tis to love; 
 
 St. Ambrose too anathematizes 
 
 That he or she that love despises; 
 
 And holy Lyra makes it out yet 
 
 Much plainer, none are saved without it; 
 
 A famous school-man says, it purges 
 
 The mind, and home the matter urges; 
 
 And he that is Seraphick named. 
 
 Swears, all who do not love are damned; 
 
 That love's pure Jlames are heavenly f res, 
 
 And sacred all its warm desires ; 
 
 From whence on earth, says St. Gregory, 
 
 All lovers have their purgatory ; 
 
 Who, therefore, has so little wit, 
 
 As not tofolloio holy writ ? 
 
 Since we from many texts may draw. 
 
 By loving we fulfil the law. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 271 
 
 I perceived my mistress, sister Clara^ not 
 a little pleased with this last copy of verses, 
 by which she found her secret inclinations so 
 well justified by authorit}'. And she imme- 
 diately suffered father Pietro to kiss her hand 
 through the grate, while a conscious red in a 
 moment overspread her face. The good father 
 perceived the progress he had made, and telling 
 her that all above the girdle was due to the 
 liberties of her friend, he therefore desired 
 her to remove those clouds that hid her beau- 
 tiful bosom from his eyes. She at first made 
 some difficulty of the matter, but finding all 
 the rest sufficiently engaged with their several 
 servants, and murmuring love and all the loose 
 expressions that uncontrolled lust could in- 
 spire, she withdrew the habit so far, that not 
 only her fine round hard breasts were exposed 
 to the friar*s eager eyes, but even almost down 
 to her navel. Father Pietro was not able to 
 bear the enchanting sight with any patience, 
 but commanding her hand through the grate, 
 conveyed it into his bosom, then likewise made 
 bare ; what else they did was under cover, 
 and hid from my eyes ; but it was then agreed 
 that they would be married the following 
 night, and that sister Clara should be ready, 
 dressed in a secular habit, as he would likewise 
 be like a cavalier, and then they would unite 
 
272 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 as others of the nuns had done, with the fathers 
 of the order. 
 
 Bless me ! thought I, what can all this 
 mean ? Sure never was heard of such a wedding 
 as that of a friar and a nun. However, being 
 ignorant of the affairs of the monastery I 
 suspended my censure till 1 saw the event, not 
 doubting but that it would be of a piece with 
 what I had aheady seen pass between them. It 
 was now grown near eleven o'clock at night, 
 before these amorous religious could part with 
 one another. But now the good fathers re- 
 tiring, the nuns went to their several apart- 
 ments full of those pious thoughts and desires 
 of man with which their good guides had 
 inspired them. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULFIUS. 273 
 
 CFIAPTER III. 
 
 The history of sister Isabella, and how she was de- 
 bauched by a J'riar at thirteen, under his pretence 
 of taking possession of her for the Virgin Mary; 
 tvith her adventures xcith the Dutchess of Sora, her 
 becoming a nun, the addresses and letter of father 
 Giovanni, Aer hate for men and love for her oicn sex^ 
 to which she endeavours to persuade sister Clara. 
 What passed between the two sisters that night. 
 
 Sister Clara had not been long got into her 
 cell, but somebody knocks at the door softly, 
 and being admitted, proved sister Isabella, a 
 nun betwixt thirty and forty, who was yet hand- 
 some enough to merit the addresses of the amor- 
 ous friars. The door being shut, she clasped 
 sister Clara about the waist, and hugging 
 her with some earnestness, kissed her with 
 such vigour and zeal that Iconcluded it was some 
 young friar disguised in the habit of a nun for a 
 better opportunity of enjoying her without in- 
 terruption. 
 
 '• My dear Clara, (said she) I come to pass 
 *' this night with you to warn you of a folly you 
 " seem already given up to in your affair with 
 " the confessor. 1 grant you he is handsome, 
 *' and has a tongue that might well excuse a 
 
 Vol I. T 
 
274 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 woman's frailty in yielding to his desires; but 
 believe me, who have experienced it, the joys 
 that a man can bestow are by no means equal 
 to the pains that a passion for him must ne- 
 cessarily produce. And of all men the love 
 of a friar is the most to be avoided, for he is 
 the most fickle of mankind. It is true, if a 
 nun must needs have an intrigue with that 
 vain animal, I think it is more prudent to 
 bestow the favor on a monk than a secular, be- 
 cause there is a tie on his secresy which his 
 own interest confirms. But since a woman 
 can have no appetite that a woman is not ca- 
 pable of satisfying, I know not why we should 
 run the hazard of pains that in all probabili- 
 ty must follow the enjoyment of a man. 
 " Besides, the liberties too many of our sisters 
 have allowed the friars, may one day bring a 
 ruin on our monastery, not only by a waste 
 of the revenue of our house, which our pre- 
 sent abbess, in compliance with the luxury of 
 the friars, suffers without any thought of the 
 event, but also by the too frequent births 
 that have happened of children begot by those 
 ungodly fathers, which by some accident or 
 other, or by a visitation from the bishop, may 
 ruin our reputation. We are fixed in this 
 city, we cannot remove, and must abide by the 
 infamy, while the authors of our disgrace, on 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 275 
 
 " any threatening evil, remove to some distant 
 " convent of their order and are never heard of 
 " more. 
 
 " It is true human nature is not able to sup- 
 *' port all the desires and appetites it has with- 
 " out allowing them somewhat proportionable 
 " to their cause ; but then there are ways of 
 *' doing all this without incurring so dangerous 
 " a scandal, or bringing ourselves under a ty- 
 *' ranny of men who set no bounds to their will, 
 " and who seem satisfied with nothing but our 
 " ruin. Yes, charming Clara, if you let me 
 " pass this night w ith you, I hope to convince 
 " you that you have no need of father Pietro to 
 " give you all the pleasure so much youth 
 *' requires. Our party is already grown pretty 
 " strong, and if we can once get out this foolish 
 " abbess, I hope we shall free our monastery 
 " from so villanous a tuition as now it lies 
 " under. 
 
 " I am strangely surprised, (replied sister 
 " Clara) at what you have said, my dear ha- 
 " bella ; and am perfectly ignorant of w hat you 
 " mean by joys and pleasures between the same 
 " sex. But I fancy you have received some 
 " strange injury from the men, that you are 
 *' grown so inveterate an enemy to the whole 
 " kind. I freely confess, (returned Isabella) 
 " the ground of my aversion was an incredible 
 " abuse which I received from a friar in my 
 
 T 2 
 
276 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 *' childhood I may call it, having not then seen 
 " full thirteen. You will infinitely oblige me, 
 " (replied sister Clara) to give me an account of 
 " your life, which 1 fancy must yield something 
 " extraordinary, since it has given you such 
 *' notions of things as to me seem unaccount- 
 " able. 
 
 " Though it grows pretty late and you may 
 " begin to want repose, (resumed Isabella) 
 *' yet since your curiosity overcomes your incli- 
 " nations to sleep, while you undress yourself I 
 " will give you a summary account of my life." 
 
 I was born at Sora in the Ahruzzo^ of parents 
 not very eminent for fortune or quality, yet my 
 father's employ was sufficient to give me a gen- 
 teel education. I am of opinion that there is 
 some impulse of nature, or influence of the stars, 
 which pushes some more than others on the con- 
 fines of Venus. I confess I did not know any 
 thing what it was that men and women were 
 joined for, yet, by that time I was turned of 
 twelve I began to have a great inclination to 
 marriage ; that is, 1 had a mighty mind to have 
 a husband : to which end I frequented the con- 
 vent of the friars (where my mother and all our 
 family always chose their confessors) to pray 
 to the Virgin Mary to send me a good husband 
 according to my desire. I had continued this 
 prayer now almost a year, when finding no ef- 
 fects of all my orisons, I began to suspect 1 had 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 277 
 
 made a sinful demand, and full of this fear I 
 applied myself to my confessor, a grave old re- 
 ligions friar in appearance, but in effect without 
 either gravity or religion. 
 
 He finding my simplicity, told me he would 
 pray to the blessed Virgin to know her will in 
 that particular, and ordered me to come to con- 
 fession again in a day or two, and he would 
 give me her answer. I was overjoyed in my 
 mind, I had got so good an advocate in my 
 cause, and was punctual to a minute to know the 
 result. When 1 came to him in the confessional, 
 — Cease (said he) my pretty little daughter^ to 
 ask a husband of the blessed Virgin Mary, who 
 being herself a maid, will have you have no hus- 
 band at all. Since you tell me (replied I) that 
 it is the will of the blessed Virgin, I will give 
 and dedicate my virginity to heaven. The good 
 father commended my pious resolution, and 
 told me that the Virgin had ordered that I 
 should dedicate it to her in some church. I re- 
 plied that since </jc Virgin had demanded it in his 
 church, that seemed the fittest for the oblation, 
 I approve of your devotion, my good daughter, 
 (said he) and now, therefore^ depart in peace and 
 return in the morning ; for this night 1 will spend 
 in prayer to our Lady, that she may vouchsafe 
 to ratify the dedication of thy virginity ; and 
 having washed your body all clean in the morn- 
 ing, and put on clean linen, return tome, for it 
 
278 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 is not lawful for anything unclean to be oftered 
 to the Virgin by her priests. Take care to be 
 here in good time, and alone, for there are to 
 be no witnesses of the consecration of those 
 things of which the FzV^m takes possession. 
 
 Returning in the morning full of devotion to 
 the Virgin, he led me to his cell, where on an 
 altar I saw a crucifix surrounded with abundance 
 of wax candles, and above all a picture of our 
 Lady. The door being fastened we both joined 
 in prayer, and sang some hymns to the Virgin; 
 when both rising up, my daughter (said he) you 
 must now take off your upper garment, to con- 
 secrate it to our Lady, which having by his help 
 performed with all the form of devotion and 
 praying, and he singing hymns all the while, 
 he then ordered me to pull off the next, and so 
 on till I was now come to my shift. I was a little 
 surprised in spite of my ignorance ; but the 
 formality of the ceremony, and the gravity of 
 his aspect, and the mighty opinion of his holi- 
 ness, lulled asleep all suspicion of foul play, and 
 I really believed this was the peculiar order of 
 the church, since performed in such solemnity 
 before the crucifix and the picture of the blessed 
 Virgin. Being now only covered with my shift, 
 and blushing all over, and with my eyes quite 
 shut with fear and devotion, he then tells me, 
 that I must pull off my shift too, for the Virgin 
 and the Saints being all without clothes them- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 279 
 
 selves, would have nothing offered to them hut 
 what was quite naked. 
 
 But I could not with all his threats be pre- 
 vailed with to do that office myself, hut suffered 
 him to take it away, and leave me quite naked 
 to his view. When having said another prayer, 
 and sung another hymn, he approaches me very 
 close, and pressing my little breasts with his 
 trembling fingers, these precious little balls 
 (said he) are thus offered to my church, and her 
 patroness the blessed \'irgin Mary. Then strok- 
 ing my chin with both his hands, this likewise 
 is offered to my church and her patroness; 
 then running over my cheeks (all blushing hot 
 as fire) approaching my mouth, this (said he) 
 my daughter, must be taken possession of only 
 by mouth, when kissing me three times, and 
 these ruddy lips are an offering to my church. 
 Thence having passed from my bosom to my 
 belly, and taken seizin of them, as offerings to 
 his church, he ordered me first to kneel down 
 before the altar, and say after him these words: 
 Oh ! ever glorious Virgin, I here offer thee my 
 virginity and my naked body, to he taken pos- 
 session of by this thy minister and servant. 
 Then after a short hymn, he orders me to lie 
 down at the foot of the altar, where my vir- 
 ginity must be offered to our Lady. 
 
 In obedience to his orders 1 laid me down 
 all along on my face, in that humble posture to 
 
280 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 offer myself up to the Virgin, when he kneeling 
 down by me, and fitting himself for the cursed 
 encounter, with an unheard of impiety making 
 religion pimp to his lusts, gently running his 
 hand all over my backward parts took those 
 likewise into his church ; then with some strug- 
 gle turning me on my back, he pressed my 
 thighs, and my arms with the same formality 
 of words, and seeming devotion. 
 
 Oholy Virgin! (said he) who hast with so much 
 beauty adorned this thy votary^ formed these 
 tremulous thighs^ this Jirm round belly ^ these 
 small taper arms and fingers with so much 
 angelic symmetry^ proportion, and softness ; 
 behold this thy little handmaid, and rejoice in 
 the possession of such a servant. Having sung 
 this three times over, casting his eye to the scene 
 of all his action and the distinction of the sex, 
 and this, my daughter, I must seize with my 
 hand, as the gate to that offering which yon 
 come to make to the blessed Virgin. And as the 
 mouth was only to be taken possession of by the 
 mouth, so must this be by what only can deliver 
 the offering you have brought. 
 
 I struggled some time, and urged, that cer- 
 tainly he exceeded his commission ; but de- 
 nouncing terrible anathema's, he told me it 
 would be impiety to carry back from the Virgin 
 the very thing I came to immolate to her, as 
 1 must needs do unless I left my maidenhead 
 
OF LUCIUS Al'ULElUS. 281 
 
 with him. Vanquished by these reasons, and 
 a sort of unknown pleasure, raised by his art- 
 ful approaches, 1 suffered him at last between 
 struggling and consent to take entire possession 
 of my person. His first fury being over I was 
 going to dress me, but ere I got my shift on 
 he seized it, with this assurance, that as the 
 mouth was taken possession of by three kisses, 
 so must my virginity by as many embraces. 
 The first fear being over, and thinking it my 
 duty and the pleasure its reward, he easily 
 made me do what he pleased, till great part 
 of the day being now wasted in this new sort 
 of sacrifice, dressing myself as well as 1 could, 
 he dismissed me with an order of repeating 
 the same exorcism the next day. In short, 
 he cultivated his ground in such a manner, 
 that I in a little time found myself with child. I 
 informed him of my condition and asked his 
 advice as well as assistance, he amused me 
 with words ; until finding the secret nmst come 
 out, he left Sora, and went to some convent of 
 his order at the farther end of Italy. 
 
 My condition was now no longer to be 
 concealed, my mother made the discovery, 
 and flew into such a rage, that had not my 
 father intervened I believe that day had been 
 the last of my life ; but he loving me more 
 tenderly than my mother, drew me away, and 
 having fully examined the matter gave credit 
 
282 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 to my accouut, and vowed a certain revenge 
 on the treacherous and impious friar, if he 
 could by any means find out the convent to 
 which he was fled ; but for fear my mother 
 should treat me too severely, he placed me 
 with a friend in the country, not far from the 
 Villa of the Dutchess of Sora, where I was 
 brought to bed of a dead child, the fright my 
 mother put me into having killed him in my 
 womb. 
 
 I had after a hard travail some months of 
 illness, insomuch that my life was despaired 
 of; for by the indiscretion of the people, the 
 news of my father's unfortunate death was 
 brought to my ears, while yet I labored un- 
 der the power of a disorder not easily re- 
 moved. He having by wonderful industry 
 found out the friar, stabbed him to the heart, 
 but being seized by the friars and prosecuted, 
 was for the fact executed at Padua. The 
 news broke my mother's heart, and had very 
 near despatched me in the same manner. But 
 youth and destiny preserved me to this happy 
 hour of my friendship with the charming sister 
 Clara, which is an abundant atonement for all 
 my past misfortunes. 
 
 While I yet remained at this friend of 
 my father's, and scarce yet perfectly recovered, 
 the Dutchess of Sora happened to be at her 
 Villa, and my friend having the honor of 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 283 
 
 some acquaintance with her, told her the mi- 
 serable condition I was left in, a poor orphan 
 about fourteen, with nothing but some por- 
 tion of beauty and the charity of friends to 
 depend on. The Dutchess ordered me to be 
 brought to her, and Hking my person more 
 than 1 then suspected, was very inquisitive into 
 my story ; whicli when 1 had told her with 
 all the sincerity of uncautious innocence, she 
 pressed me in her arms, and — No more, Isa- 
 bella, (said she) shall you he exposed to the 
 villany of ineii ; you have met loith a monster, 
 a perfect representative of the wickedness and 
 impiety of the icholc sex; I toil I be thy father 
 and thy mother, and will take that care of 
 thee as shall secure thee from any future jnis- 
 fortunes. 
 
 She suffered me not to go home that night, 
 but sending for my things took me into her 
 family. Her fondness was so extreme that 
 she left the Duke's bed that I might be 
 her bedfellow, and pass the whole night in her 
 arms. 
 
 The Duke was a man of as ancient a family 
 as any in the kingdom of Naples; but had 
 indeed little else but his quality and estate to 
 render him considerable ; he was not an ideot, 
 but so meanly furnished with brains that no 
 man would court his conversation. The best 
 
284 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 (at least most useful) quality he had, Mas his 
 submission to his wife in M'halever she com- 
 manded. The Dutchess was the daughter of 
 the Duke of Telesa, a man of wonderful wit 
 and an admirable poet, but not very re- 
 ligious, though he is said to have made a very 
 penitent end. The Dutchess could not be said 
 to be a beauty, nor yet in my opinion was she 
 in the least disagreeable. She had her wit 
 from her father, and perhaps some inclinations 
 which her sex obliged her to conceal more 
 than he had done. What affairs she might 
 have had with the men I cannot particularise, 
 her taste was quite altered when I was received 
 in her family, as I soon found after she had got 
 me into her bed and her arms. 
 
 That, my dear Clara, was the school in 
 which I learned my contempt of mankind and 
 a value of our sex, which, like some fortu- 
 nate climates, possess all the joys it can ex- 
 pect from the other ; and it must be mere 
 wantonness and curiosity for us to rove after 
 pleasures from that which still bring their 
 pains, when nature and art supplies us with 
 greater without any hazard. 
 
 I had not lived above three years and a half 
 with the Dutchess, but she was pleased to quit 
 this life, though not without making a tolerable 
 provision for me, with this condition, that I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 285 
 
 should go into some nunnery, there to spend the 
 rest of my days free from the dangerous onsets 
 and treachery of men. 
 
 This monastery of Sarno being then new 
 built, a relation of mine being' a nun of this 
 community, I fully resolved to enter myself in 
 the same, and here to give over all thoughts 
 of the world and its vanities if 1 could. But 
 I find that there is no putting off nature, and 
 that there is nothing but the walls between a 
 religious and secular life ; nay, the disadvan- 
 tage is of our side, while the desire is height- 
 ened by the forbiddance, and imagination 
 that ever enlarges the object, draws the plea- 
 sures we know not and cannot well obtain, so 
 much the more charming as they are distant 
 and difficult. 
 
 It is this, my dear Clara, that fires your 
 blood with expectation of strange rapture 
 from the vigor of father Pietro. 1 question 
 not but he has given you a sample of what 
 you may hope for in the possession ; for he is 
 not one of those who is used to hide his talent 
 in a napkin. But believe me, dear Clara, this 
 experience would be vain and thy imagination 
 betray thee to a mere disappointment. 
 
 You that have tried both (replied sister 
 Clara) are indeed the best judge of both, but 
 I that have tried neither must own a curiosity 
 that none but father Fietro can satisfy. 
 
286 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 The two sisters being now all undressed, 
 Isabella pressing the breasts of sister Clara^ 
 and giving her a thousand rapturous kisses, 
 cried with a languishing sigh : Are these soft 
 doiaiy lips to he hurt by the rough lips of a 
 friar P Must this soft bosom be rudely profaned 
 by the hands of a manP And this tender body 
 crushed in the robust arms of a male lover ! 
 Then throwing off all her own clothes she 
 stood naked to the sight, and was no unlovely 
 figure, her eyes darted fire and her face glowed 
 with blushes of conscious desires, while with 
 a manly eagerness she drew off all those of 
 sister Clara^ and discovered a sight indeed so 
 transporting as made me wish myself in a capa» 
 city of being the friar's rival. 
 
 Thus naked as they were they went at last 
 to bed, after Isabella had sufficiently expressed 
 her wonder at her beauties, and pressed her 
 a thousand times in her arms, with joys and 
 raptures which appeared most surprising'. 
 What they did in the bed I know not, but 
 sister Clara declared in the morning, that if 
 father Pietro could equal Isabella he must 
 give delights almost equal to the most fertile 
 imagination ; assuring Isabella, that though 
 she was resolved to try the good father, yet if 
 he proved less successful she would be of her 
 party. 
 
 As they were dressing, Isabella let fall a 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 287 
 
 letter, which sister Clara snatching up found 
 a love-letter from father Giovanni, Ha ! said 
 sister Clara, my Isabella in spite of her 
 aversion to the bearded sex, can keep a 
 commerce with a friar at the same time that 
 she would dissuade me from all thoughts of 
 them. 
 
 It is true, answered Isabella, I have for 
 some time had this correspondence with this 
 good fother ; it is true that I have made him 
 many advances to engage his heart, but I 
 never allowed him any of those criminal li- 
 berties he aimed at. A nun should be a 
 perfect coquette, she should engage as many 
 lovers as she can, and get what presents she 
 can from them, but if ever any one of them 
 gain upon her heart or raise any desires, let 
 her always have the prudence to satisfy them 
 by any means but the lover's. 
 
 I have frequently had letters from him 
 in absence, but I generally burn them as soon 
 as I have given him an answer; this I have 
 not yet replied to, else it had not now been 
 a witness against me ; but I will read it to you, 
 since by some parts of the contents you will 
 find that he has never been so happy as you 
 design father Pietro shall be. Read it your- 
 self, that you may not fancy yourself imposed on 
 by my cunning. 
 
288 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Sister Clara took tlie letter, and read it out 
 ill the following manner : 
 
 To her whom my soul sovereignly honors, to 
 the amiable though cruel Mandana. 
 
 It is hut just, my fair Mandana, that you 
 should be the sanctuary of those complaints of 
 which you are the cause. Condemn me not^ 
 therefore, if I tell you I love you, if 1 tell you 
 that you know it and yet continue cruel; if 1 
 tell you, that after you have raised me to hope 
 you have still by some artifice or other thrown 
 me down again to desjjair. Time that has 
 taught me a great many things was never more 
 favorable and yet cruel, than when it brought 
 me to the knowledge of the divine Mandana ; 
 her conversation and power to oblige those per- 
 sons she esteems, yet the coldness and severity 
 she always expresses, is a pain which we can owe 
 only to her. Pray let her know that if she had 
 as many adorers as darts in her eyes or hairs 
 on her head, my heart contains more fires 
 for her than all that army could boast, and 
 though their merit and fortune might exceed 
 mine, yet my fidelity should as far excell theirs. 
 So that I must ever aver this truth, that as 
 the bright Mandana surpasses all the nymphs 
 in beauty and wit, so shall Sesostris surpass all 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 289 
 
 the swains i?i constmicy and love. The reading 
 your last, has raised more joy in my bosom than 
 I have felt since I saw you, though I do not 
 know whether I ought to except the moments 
 of your conversation; in that you are so far 
 from making advances, that you go from even 
 those your letters have given hopes of. I find, 
 however, that I am not yet where I would he, 
 and that I have not that place in your heart 
 which 1 desire, since you condemn the irregula- 
 rity of some of my thoughts. I live not till I 
 see you, and yet my former treatment makes me 
 dread my returti. 
 
 Adieu. 
 
 This letter (pursued Isabella) I design to 
 answer by the first opportunity, for an impu- 
 dent attempt he made on me by surprise de- 
 serves that I should punish him with hope and 
 expectation as long as I can. The business 
 was this ; he was then confessor to our monas- 
 tery, and coming to give the sacrament to one 
 of the sick nuns, as soon as the office was done, 
 he comes directly to my cell, where I was fast 
 asleep, he opened the door and was got to my 
 bed-side before 1 awaked ; his kisses and 
 busy hand first roused me, finding it straying 
 about my bosom, I started from my bed, and 
 gave him a thrust, that he tumbled on the 
 
 Vol. I. U 
 
290 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 ground ; he soon got up, and would still have 
 persisted in his insolent attempts, had I not 
 assured him I would not only call out to the 
 sisters, but complain to the provincial of his 
 impious endeavours. He tried all means to 
 appease me, and render me more compliable ; 
 but finding that neither force nor entreaties 
 could prevail for his ease, in a passion he flung 
 from my room. This repulse has heightened 
 his desires, and the less he did obtain has 
 made him wish the more, and this is the 
 method all prudent nuns take with their lovers, 
 whether secular or religious. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Of the marriage of friar Pietro to sister Clara. 
 The unlucky adventure of the consummation, 
 whichwas repaired hy the conveying the friar to 
 her cell to pass the whole night. An account of 
 what books the friars furnished the nuns with. 
 
 The sisters being now dressed, they both 
 went down to the choir. I was amazed that 
 those who had spent the night in abominable 
 wickedness, and whose whole minds seemed 
 possessed with nothing but the wantonness of 
 the brothel, could yet think of prayer, but that 
 1 considered that it was an easy matter for them 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 291 
 
 to banter the world with the form of godliness, 
 who seemed to have lost all sense of the common 
 rules of morality, and the known duties of re- 
 ligion. Being come into the choir, where one 
 half of the nuns were scarce yet arrived, you 
 might see not only a drov/sy irreligion in all 
 their faces, but in their eyes the remains of 
 the debauches of the night. 
 
 After a supine and reckless performance of 
 the morning office, and as negligent a mass 
 officiated by their pious confessor, they retire 
 to their refectory, and after their repast, sister 
 Clara and several of the nuns were busied in 
 preparations for the wedding in the evening. 
 It seems (hat there was not one nun in the 
 house who had not from her noviceship had 
 some particular friar for her friend, with whom 
 she was made to contract an intimate alliance, 
 in those early years of obedience, learning to 
 forget that modesty and chastity, which ought 
 to be the singular qualities of their sex and 
 their profession ; and after a sufficient time 
 allowed for imbibing and fixing the loose 
 principles that were necessary, they were, with 
 all the solemnity imaginable, made man and 
 wife. The ceremony of these contracts was 
 this, when any friar and nun were now come 
 to this mutual agreement, they addressed them- 
 selves to the kindred and friends of those they 
 desired. They gave presents as pledges of 
 
 u 2 
 
292 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 their affection, and made demands and con- 
 ditions, they assigned days to draw up the ar- 
 ticles, to make the contract, and celebrate the 
 marriage, in which there was nothing to be 
 seen but mirth, gaiety, and gallantry between 
 the friars and the nuns. 
 
 In the present solemnity father Antonio de- 
 manded sister Clara of the abbess, who person- 
 ated her mother, father Sebasliano acted the 
 notary that passed the contract, and having 
 published the bans at the grate and below in the 
 hall, father Dominico played the curate of the 
 parish, said the same prayers, used the same 
 ceremonies, and made the pair speak the same 
 words in their turn as they used in the common 
 marriages : there was a ring given, and put 
 on the finger of the bride, sister Clara, and 
 sister Brigetta disguised in a friar's habit made 
 them an exhortation on the duties of matri- 
 mony. After which he and she were sent alone 
 to another grate to consummate the marriage 
 together. 
 
 1 was yet too dear to sister Clara not 
 to have her take me with her, assuring her- 
 self that she was secure in her confidence, 
 when whatever I heard or saw, I could not 
 discover the dangerous secret. Being come 
 into that hall or grate, the friar on the outside 
 and sister Clara within, they sat down, and the 
 good father began in this manner : 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 293 
 
 You have now, my dear Clara, altered your 
 state, you are no longer in your own power, 
 and what right you might have had in the direc- 
 tion of your own actions, that is now entirely 
 devolved upon me. Your body is not your own, 
 it is now at my command, and must be subser- 
 vient to my will ; which, if you know yourself, 
 you must conclude, that my will and desire is 
 not only to see, but to feel, and enjoy every part 
 of that beautiful person ; this secular dress (for 
 according to custom he was dressed like a cava- 
 lier, and she like a lady of the world with her 
 bosom all bare, and her face full of patches, and 
 her hair adorned with ribbons) gives me a 
 tempting sample of that delicious flesh and 
 blood that is now by right my own ; draw near, 
 therefore, to this grate, and I will open this little 
 door (which there was in it to take any thing in 
 and out at) that I may kiss those charming lips, 
 and press those sweet soft rising breasts with 
 my happy and transported fingers. With that 
 he opened the little door in the grate and she 
 rose up and approached it, their kisses were 
 mutual and ardent, and proved so far from 
 satisfying their desires, that they only served to 
 heighten them. — Oh ! my ravishing C\dS2iy it loas 
 with such a wife of snow indeed that our fuun- 
 der, St. Francis, tamed those unruly affections 
 that disturbed his contemplation; and without 
 the full possession of this tcife of snow, / can 
 
294 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 never rest or he quiet. Before the tie of marriage 
 all above the girdle was my due, hut now all that 
 is he low is equally my right, hide, therefore, no 
 longer heauties I long to see and seize for my 
 own. 
 
 The eager friar incapable of delay, attempted 
 to remove those veils himself, that robbed him 
 of a sight he was so covetous of viewing, since 
 sister Clara, though none of the most squeamish, 
 stepping back denied him yet the satisfaction ; 
 but raised many objections against the lawful- 
 ness of the fact, and the vow of virginity which 
 she had already taken. To these he thus, com- 
 posing himself as well as he could, replied : 
 
 * All vows are to be considered a little more 
 
 * nicely, than men generally do in their reflec- 
 
 * tions on our breach of any one in particular. 
 ' All vows are a sort of oaths or compacts, 
 ' by which we oblige ourselves to do or to per- 
 ' form, such or such a thing. But there is one 
 
 * condition always absolutely necessary to them 
 ' all, which is, that the thing vowed be in our 
 
 * power. For should any man vow to fly up into 
 
 * the air, or to stand twenty years together on a 
 ' pillar, as it is said of St, Simon Steliies, or to 
 ' live without victuals, or any the like extrava- 
 
 * gant impossibility for mere and unassisted 
 
 * man to perform, can any one in his wits sup- 
 
 * pose himself bound by such a vow, which, as it 
 
 * was ridiculous to make, so it would be the 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 295 
 
 * height of madness and presumption to attempt 
 
 * to perform. It is true, that by the assistance 
 
 * of the divine power a man is capable of all the 
 ' particulars I have instanced ; but I know not 
 
 * what ground there is for any man to expect a 
 
 * series of miracles during his own life, only 
 ' for the fantastical whim of forsaking the com- 
 
 * mon road of nature, and those inclinations 
 
 * and desires which the eternal former of man- 
 ' kind has fixed in our frame and constitution. 
 
 * The mechanism of the body is so contrived, 
 
 * that as food is received into the stomach, it 
 
 * is there digested, and the nourishment sepa- 
 
 * rated by a natural chymistry, and each sent 
 
 * to its different part. There are peculiar ves- 
 ' sels made for the reception of those animal 
 
 * spirits which nature designs for generation, 
 ' and when those vessels are full they must have 
 ' a discharge ; and if by any enthusiastic 
 
 * notions you forbid those means, which God 
 
 * and nature has ordained for that end, it either 
 
 * generates disorders, or filling the mind with 
 
 * perpetual desires of ease, destroys all its noble 
 
 * and sublime operations ; for while it is impri- 
 
 * soned in the flesh, it cannot be freed from a 
 
 * very great influence of the good or ill state of 
 
 * the body. Thus by hindering the course of 
 
 * nature, you make the humor overflow the 
 
 * whole,and by dammingup a gentle stream, you 
 
 * make it rise into a torrent, which bears down 
 
296 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 * all before it. You may as well pretend to eat 
 ' and drink every day with plenty and pleasure, 
 
 * and yet make a vow against evacuation in the 
 
 * usual manner. Nature would soon let you see 
 
 * how vain a thing it is to attempt a contradic- 
 
 * tion to her indispensable laws, by forcing you 
 
 * to submit to the common course of things, or 
 
 * at once to extinguish that being, that was com- 
 
 * mitted to your charge, not only to preserve, but 
 
 * propagate. 
 
 ' It is true, I will allow some one or two pe- 
 ' culiar messengers of Heaven, have, by that 
 
 * divine power that sent them, been exempt 
 ' from the common frailties and necessities of 
 ' human life, yet it is a madness for those who 
 ' have no such immediate claim to, or necessity 
 ' for such dispensations, to presume on the same, 
 ' because providence once, for the manifestation 
 ' of his own power and glory at the word of 
 
 * Joshua stopped the whole course of nature, and 
 
 * made the universal motion stand still. Should 
 
 * our generals, therefore, presume on the same 
 
 * privilege, whenever their own or their princes* 
 ' ambition engages them in a battle ? 
 
 ' As what I defend is the just and necessary 
 ' order of our mechanism, so is it also our duty, 
 
 * as men and women ; to avoid that con- 
 
 * junction which the wisdom of our maker 
 
 * designed in our original constitution, is pro- 
 ' fanely and impiously to pretend to be wiser 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 297 
 
 than supreme wisdom, and to correct that 
 admirable order and law, which that from 
 the beginning had established. God saw that 
 it was not good for man to be alone ; that he 
 had made those parts, those vessels, which in 
 the course of digestion would make man very 
 uneasy M'ithout the female softness to discharge 
 with ext9cy, what had been hoarded with plea- 
 sure. 
 
 * The first law, therefore, that he gave, was 
 that they should increase and multiply, and 
 replenish the earth with his beautiful images ; 
 this is the first and supreme law, which being 
 enacted by omnipotence, cannot be dissolved 
 but by the same power. Now, my beautiful 
 Ciara, if you can produce any visible dispen- 
 sation from the universal law, your own volun- 
 tary law (that is your vow of chastity) may take 
 place, else it is devoured by being directly 
 contrary to the duty of mankind. You and 
 I are now married, and that being an irre- 
 versible law of nature, puts an end to your rash 
 and impious vow of chastity, which flies in the 
 face of nature itself. 
 
 ' It is true, that there has been a political in- 
 stitution made by cunning and designing men, 
 to set on foot this celibacy, and deny the benefit 
 of marriage to the clergy, but it was merely a 
 human contrivance to bring a more immediate 
 ' interest to the papal power, and engross the 
 
298 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 * opinion and g-overnment of the people, by a 
 ' pretence to an angelical and supernatural 
 
 * virtue in continence, both as to riches and 
 ' venereal enjoyments ; yet believe me, my dear 
 
 * wife, this fatal hypocrisy has only served to 
 
 * multiply our desires and enjoyments, while 
 
 * they who refuse those that nature has allowed, 
 ' fall shamefully into others which nature abhors; 
 ' and while they refuse the relief of a different 
 ' sex, they endeavour to create a difference in 
 
 * the same. 
 
 * These specious pretences have furnished 
 ' such noble stipends, such large endowments, 
 ' that at once supply so many monasteries with 
 ' all the plenty of luxury, and swallow up the 
 ' vow of poverty, without scandal or so much 
 ■ as notice ; nay, it is recommended from our 
 
 * pulpits as highly meritorious to make these 
 donations, which render it as impossible for 
 us to keep our vow of poverty, as the eflfects 
 of it make it to observe that of chastity. 
 
 ' But since these handsome provisions are 
 made, and you, my dear Clara, and I, have had 
 our lot thrown into this land flowing with 
 milk and honey, it is none of our business 
 to expose a delusion on which we subsist. 
 But let us then like others in the same state 
 enjoy with privacy and innocence those plea- 
 sures nature has ordained, and our constitu- 
 tions require, while our past unadvised and 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 299 
 
 ' unnatural vows secure us the means and 
 * opportunity of possessing them. 
 
 Sister Clara listened with attention and 
 pleasure to the agreeable casuistry of the 
 amorous father, and was pleased to be con- 
 vinced, that her pleasure was her duty, and 
 made no more reserves in anything he com- 
 manded ; she fixed a thousand kisses on his lips, 
 admiring his knowledge and eloquence, which 
 had brought so necessary a relief to her passion, 
 which she owned beyond bound for her father 
 and husband. From kisses they proceeded to 
 nearer familiarities, M'hich yet increased, not 
 lessened their uneasiness, that nothing could 
 atone but a perfect fruition. The place denied 
 them a happiness which they mutually desired, 
 but necessity the mother of invention soon of- 
 fered the means ; there were two stools in the 
 room where sister Clara was sitting, the friar 
 advised her to set one on the other, and setting 
 her hands and arms on them, by the help of the 
 little door in the grate she might give some 
 ease to his anguish. The poor nun, with a wil- 
 ling obedience performs his directions; but as 
 all human pleasures are mingled with pain, and 
 all successes blended with misfortunes ; so 
 when now the friar and the nun were as easrer 
 and happy as the place would permit, the stools 
 not well fixed, gave way to her motion, until in 
 the midst of the joy she fell with them to the 
 tloor. 
 
300 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 The lover and his mistress were equally sur- 
 prised, and 1 ran away for fear of being over- 
 borne with the ruin ; not doubting but my mis- 
 tress had paid her life for her joy. But it 
 proved otherwise to all our satisfaction, for she 
 soon got up from the floor, and shaking her 
 clothes about her, she only complained of her 
 leg, which immediately consulting she found 
 the skin a little razed, and some crimson drops 
 of blood trickling down her alabaster skin. 
 
 The friar renewed his kisses of joy for her 
 safety, and would not desist from renewing the 
 attack by the same way, till she promised to 
 admit him to her cell, where they might pass 
 the night with more pleasure and safety. That 
 it was an easy matter from his window to pass 
 into the garden, where she would wait to con- 
 duct him up to her bed. So ending the assig- 
 nation with warm eager kisses, they returned 
 to the other grate, where the company expected 
 them with impatience to their repast. 
 
 Here opened another scene of their debauch. 
 The victuals were nice and plentiful, and their 
 wine the most delicious of that country, each 
 nun and friar had a small reed, through 
 which they drank out of one another's glasses ; 
 and when they were empty they threw them 
 over their heads and broke them. 
 
 The table removed, they danced on each side 
 the grate, and the nuns being dressed in thea- 
 trical habits, represented a play to the friars, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 301 
 
 some in men's clothes, and some in women's. 
 The mirth being at the height, one of the sisters 
 by compact with her gallant, pretended to be 
 ill, and so it was agreed the confessor with friars 
 to assist him should come in to pray with the 
 disordered ; her friar going up to her cell left 
 the rest below, who in the hall with the other 
 nuns, toyed and kissed, and sometimes with- 
 drew. The sick nun recovered by the virtue of 
 the relic her friar had applied to her, returns to 
 the company, while sister Clara and the con- 
 fessor secretly retired, unable to delay their satis- 
 faction till the company separated. So fasten- 
 ing the door of the cell, they where not long- 
 undressing for the encounter; and now being 
 wholly divested of garments religious or other- 
 wise, they appeared indeed a Venus and Mars 
 just before the limping god had caught them in 
 his chain, and exposed their happiness and his 
 disgrace to the whole legion of envying gods 
 and goddesses. 
 
 While the new married pair were fast in each 
 other's arms, and some other nuns had taken the 
 same advantage of withdrawing from Bacchus 
 to Venus, 1 slipped under the door (where a hole 
 was made for my going out and in on necessary 
 occasions) and took my turn about the house to 
 make my remarks ; from the dormitories I went 
 down into the hall, where two of the friars, 
 something older and more bulky than the rest, 
 
302 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 were engaged with the bottle, and one nun 
 about a middle age, and the old abbess ; the 
 glass went swiftly about, and friar Otto often 
 solicited the nun, who being of sister Isabellas 
 faction was obstinate to all his endeavours, 
 though she had given him several advances. 
 He attacked her in prose and verse : 
 
 Sylvia, why this mighty courting 
 To the Joys you long to prove ? 
 
 Nature made you all for sporting ^ 
 Nature made you all for love. 
 
 But both in vain. 
 
 Friar Alberto, a greater devotee of the vine 
 than the petticoat, pulling Otto by the cowl, 
 sung him this song: 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Prithee sigh no more, fond swain. 
 
 If Cbloe will be false, in vain 
 
 You give yourself a fruitless pain. 
 
 'Tis not loving, 'tis not dying 
 
 Holds the heart that would he flying. 
 
 J^or love, nor merit you will find 
 
 Can fix the fickleheart of changeful womankind. 
 Then turn to the bottle, that flows with delights. 
 That gives life to our days andbriskjoys to our nights; 
 Here no Chloe, no cares, no falsehood is found. 
 While wit, wine and mirth fly jovially round. 
 
 The nun as averse as she was to love, was no 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 303 
 
 enemy to the bottle, and while she indulged her 
 appetite of drinking, prepared herself to be 
 unable to deny friar Otto the satisfaction he de- 
 sired ; for being now quite vanquished by Bac- 
 chus she lay at the mercy of the good father, who 
 gave her no quarter, till between love and 
 wine he reeled with his companion about five 
 in the morning to the confessor's apartment, 
 and left the poor nun to the care of the abbess, 
 whom the charity of the jovial father Alberto, 
 had endeavoured to keep in countenance by ad- 
 dresses and efforts more agreeable than effectual. 
 
 The reader may be surprised at the abandoned 
 condition of this monastery, which like the 
 mansion of Quartilla in Petronius Arbiter, fur- 
 nished nothing but various scenes of lewdness. 
 But, to remove the wonder, I shall give you a 
 short scheme of their education, the principles 
 instilled into them by the friars, and the books 
 that they were furnished with by the holy fathers 
 for their instruction and diversion. 
 
 Their first endeavour with them, before their 
 noviciate, was to inspire them with a spirit of 
 wantonness and libertinism, and a desire from 
 their first apprehension of pleasure of being 
 courted and caressed, and applied to in all the 
 addresses of love and gallantry ; they used, (in- 
 stead of modesty and sanctity of conversation 
 and pious instruction), all manner of unseemly 
 privacies with them, to wear off the native mo- 
 
304 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 (lesty of the sex, and so betimes to dispose their 
 minds to be hereafter as complaisant to their 
 wishes as they could desire. Thus from the 
 beginning" habituating the young virgins to such 
 freedoms and familiarities, as made them in 
 time believe them all innocent. 
 
 Being now become novices, the good fathers 
 took care to keep alive those looser inclinations 
 they had endeavoured to instil in their tenderer 
 years ; wherefore they made it their business to 
 divert the mistresses of the novices from inform- 
 ing them in the duties of a monastic life, lest 
 lessons so contrary to their aim should make 
 them lose that spirit of vanity and wantonness 
 which they had inspired before their noviciate. 
 They would make them little presents, andoblige 
 them to wear them, and instead of instructing 
 them against their professions, advise them as a 
 duty to make an intimacy and friendship with 
 some of the fathers. TelHng them the advan- 
 tage of these commerces was the keeping them 
 from the taverns, and passing their own time very 
 agreeably, which, without such an amusement, 
 must prove the most tedious and melancholy. 
 Nay, the fathers themselves would often quarrel 
 about their pretensions to particulars. To gain 
 time to insinuate themselves the more freely, 
 they would, under pretence of their not being 
 sufficiently prepared, make the governess send 
 them the more frequently to their convent. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 305 
 
 where all the lesson they taught them was love 
 and gallantry. 
 
 If these freedoms were taken before the pro- 
 fession, when they were once professed, the good 
 fathers had nothing- to restrain the liberty of 
 their conduct, since now they could not, to se- 
 cure their modesty, retire from the nunnery. 
 
 To confirm them the more in their dissolute 
 way, and divert them from rising to any virtue 
 prejudicial to their pleasure from the reading of 
 good books, they furnished them with all the 
 romances, plays, and novels they could get ; 
 nay, they had translations of Aloisa, the School 
 of Venus, the Catechism of Love, Aret'me, and 
 the like. And sometimes particular characters 
 for them to express their most lewd and aban- 
 doned thoughts, actions, parts, or desires. 
 
 As if these books had not yet been sufficient, 
 they added these instructions : that all above the 
 middle was wholly at the disposal of their parti- 
 cular friends, and that they were not to be re- 
 fused either the sight or handling of them ; that 
 this maxim ought to be well practised, that the 
 mouth, the bosom and the hands must be al- 
 ways their particular friends. If any one scru- 
 pled these freedoms, they told them, that the 
 kiss of peace in the primitive times of the church 
 was given by all, that excess was the cause of its 
 being forbidden ; that all the liberties they 
 could take with one another, were at most, but 
 
 Vol. I. X 
 
306 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 venial sins. To these instructions they daily 
 added lascivious songs and discourses. 
 
 To these they added presents, as wet and dry 
 sweetmeats, their pictures drawn en cavalier, 
 rings, gloves, ribbons, watches, looking-glasses, 
 seals engraved with cyphers and emblems, and 
 mottos of love, explained with amorous letters 
 and verses. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 An account of the possession of some nuns and their 
 accusation of' a secular priest for a magician, 
 who was put to death for it by the Inquisition, 
 Fantasio is given to the provincial of the friars, 
 and so leaves this wicked crew o/* friars and nuns. 
 
 Had the wanton frailties of these friars 
 and nuns been their whole guilt, there might 
 perhaps be some sort of plea for their wicked- 
 ness, drawn from the common weakness of 
 human nature, and that tendency to love and 
 venereal enjoyments, which is in some mea- 
 sure implanted in all mankind ; but what 1 am 
 now to tell is a proof that, when once we quit 
 the laws of religion and virtue, we easily fall 
 into the greatest abominations. 
 
 There was a canon in this city who would 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 307 
 
 often invite the father confessor to a collation 
 on purpose to make him drunk, that he might 
 prevail with him, in his cups, to reveal the 
 nuns confessions, as he frequently had done. 
 One evening the canon had invited another 
 of his friends, a secular priest, to pass the time 
 with him and the friar, and there not only 
 heard the confessions of the nuns revealed, but 
 the several intrigues between the good fathers 
 and them. 
 
 The priest was himself a jolly companion, 
 better learned than most of the seculars of 
 that nation, and free and easy in his con- 
 versation, though morally honest and of a very 
 good and upright life. He opposed the father 
 in all he said, and would needs make all his 
 narrations the mere inventions of his vanity. 
 The friar, disdaining to be counted a liar or a 
 man so little acceptable to the ladies, as not 
 to be really possessor of those advantages which 
 he boasted, offered to make him confident of 
 those amours, so far as to be an eye-witness 
 of his amorous adventures ; but that to accom- 
 plish it he must disguise himself in the habit 
 of his order. The priest agreed to forfeit 
 what was agreed on, if the friar made out what 
 he pretended ; so equipped with the accoutre- 
 ments of the order, he was soon admitted to 
 the freedom of conversation, and saw all he 
 doubted confirmed beyond the least contra- 
 
 X 2 
 
308 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 diction. The priest was a handsome yonng^ 
 man, and of a very witty and genteel ad- 
 dress ; by which means he had not often 
 been there but one of the nuns had fixed 
 her eyes and affections upon him. Though 
 he had no intention to pursue the amour, as 
 the friars are wont, he proceeded so far as to 
 give jealousy to the friar to whom she had 
 been allotted. The priest was pleased with 
 his uneasiness, and therefore made his ad- 
 dresses more frequent and close ; till the 
 good father, unable any longer to bear a 
 prosperous rival, had some words with the 
 confessor about this seeming friar, whom 
 he had found out to be the parson of an ad- 
 joining parish. The confessor owned all the 
 deceit, and told him the occasion, and con- 
 sulted together how they should deliver them- 
 selves from a spy, who might some time 
 or other prove the destruction of their plea- 
 sure by a discovery of their roguery. Mat- 
 ters being fully concerted among them, the 
 priest was forbid the monastery and denied 
 admittance whenever he came. Being often 
 repulsed, he let them know that he would take 
 care to inform the bishop of the holy conver- 
 sation of the friars and the nuns. 
 
 This was no more than was expected by 
 the confessor and his friend, who coming to 
 sister Claras cell one night informs her of 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 309 
 
 the whole matter, and proposed tlie following 
 design as the only remedy for the impending 
 destruction of themselves and their nunnery. 
 
 The secular priests, (said the confessor) 
 you know are not very much esteemed in this 
 city, and the authority they might have over 
 the people is wholly devolved on the orders, 
 by their preaching and hearing confessions, 
 their indulgences and fraternities and the like. 
 It is, therefore, no hard matter for us to ruin 
 this priest, provided we begin first, and not 
 by delays suffer him to deliver his informa- 
 tion before they had taken off his evidence. 
 They therefore proposed that sister Clara and 
 two or three more nuns, the most apt, most 
 strong, and most sure to their cause, should 
 pretend to be possessed by the means of this 
 priest, whom they were to name in the exor- 
 cisms as the conjuror or magician who had 
 brought this evil upon them. This being soon 
 agreed to, on a full representation of the danger 
 that threatened them, the friars gave them a 
 sort of catechism in Lati7i, with question and 
 answer, by which they would always inter- 
 rogate them in their public exorcisings of 
 them. They then taught them several antic 
 postures and gestures, which they should prac- 
 tise to amuse the people and confirm their 
 possession. 
 
 The friars ijiet with apt scholars, and in 
 
310 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 a few days rehearsal found their force ready 
 for pubhc view. The sisters of Isabella's 
 faction were excluded the secret, and therefore 
 designed to be first imposed on ; so in the 
 midst of the night, when they were asleep, the 
 sisters, who were to act their parts, made 
 noises and walked about all in white like 
 ghosts, till the other nuns were almost frightened 
 out of their wits, and the noise was now 
 spread about the town. The priest on hearing 
 it, protested that he was not at all surprised 
 at the story, or doubted in the least of the 
 truth of the apparitions, since he wondered 
 more, that the devil long since had not de- 
 stroyed them in their wickedness. 
 
 It was now time to stop his mouth from 
 farther explanations of his meaning ; they 
 therefore gave out, that three nuns were pos- 
 sessed, and were such a day to be exorcised by 
 the confessor and two other friars in the face 
 of the town, both laity and clergy. The 
 chapel of the monastery was full to see the 
 operation, and the sisters played their parts so 
 exactly that few of the congregation doubted 
 of their condition. The confessor after several 
 exorcisms in public, in the midst of one, de- 
 mands by what means they became so, the devil 
 within them was supposed to answer, that it 
 was by the means of such a man, naming the 
 priest 1 have mentioned. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 311 
 
 It was not long ere he heard of his accu- 
 sation, and full of that boldness which should 
 always accompany innocence, he applies to the 
 bishop, gives an account of what he knew, 
 and protesting his freedom from all guilt of 
 that nature, prevailed with him to suffer him to 
 exorcise them himself, since he could not but 
 suppose this was a contrivance against his life 
 to remove out of the way a witness of that vil- 
 lany, which their confessor's folly had betrayed 
 them to. 
 
 The friars made some difficulty of allowing 
 him the privilege of doing it in that monastery, 
 which was not under the jurisdiction of the 
 bishop, but the direction of their order and the 
 visitation of their provincial, but seemed pre- 
 vailed on the following day to allow him the 
 permission. 
 
 In the meantime they prepared the nuns 
 to receive him accordingly, with that extra- 
 vagance and impatience, that it should be neces- 
 sary for the friars to interpose to save him from 
 their fury. The day being come, and the priest 
 in his ornaments with the book in his hand, 
 would have began the exorcism in the usual 
 order ; but they with hideous cries and ghastly 
 looks, fell upon him, till the pious confessor by 
 the power of one adjuro reduced them to 
 moderation ; when the priest went on in the 
 usual order, and the nuns gave answers in Latm, 
 till the priest forsaking their method, and 
 
312 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 throwing in now and tlien a sentence of Greeks 
 confounded the nuns so that they scarce knew 
 what to do. But what they could not do by 
 words they answered in actions, falling into 
 strange convulsions, and an obstinate silence, 
 or else into as strange a clamor and confusion, 
 accusing him publicly as the cause of their pos- 
 session, and of being a magician and one that 
 conversed with the devil. 
 
 Neither the blunders that were so visible in 
 this day's work, the innocence of the priest, nor 
 struggles of his friends could avail him any- 
 thing, but he was by order of the Inquisition 
 taken up and committed to their prison ; and 
 the belief of the possession of the nuns was 
 HOW so fixed and established, that it was as 
 dangerous to make any doubt of the matter 
 as to deny an article of faith : for some of 
 the poor priest's friends for offering to lessen 
 the credit of the juggle to save their relation, 
 were committed to the Inquisition. 
 
 All mouths being thus silenced they then 
 began to think of his trial, and though they 
 had often racked him to confess the accusation, 
 they could never make him confess the least 
 tittle of it ; but avowing his innocence, de- 
 clared the cause of his suffering was only his 
 knowledge of the dissolute lives of the nuns 
 and the friars ; but this was but to aggravate 
 his crime and prove him an heretic as well 
 as magician, who would throw such an odium 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 313 
 
 on the pious recluses, and an order so eminent 
 in the church of God. In short, after all the 
 cruel course of the Inquisition, he was con- 
 demned and burnt by the arbitrary process of 
 that tribunal, and insulted by the friars as he 
 was at the stake, who threw whole pails of 
 holy water in his face whenever he attempted to 
 speak to the people. 
 
 This horrible murder gave me a mortal aver- 
 sion to the nuns, and made me wish for a 
 speedy enlargement from so filthy a Sodom. 
 I resolved, though I fared very deliciously 
 in that monastery, to make my escape by the 
 first opportunity ; but was prevented by the ar- 
 rival of the provincial, who on the noise of 
 this affair, was come to look into the matter, 
 and remove by a visitation those imputations 
 the words of the dead priest had cast on the 
 sisterhood. 
 
 He pretended much zeal, and carried in his 
 face the lineaments of mortification and ho- 
 liness ; but being removed from the public 
 view, and in private with the sisters, he showed 
 himself only so much the more abandoned, as 
 he was exalted in years and in station. 
 
 Sister Clara was the nun who pleased his 
 inclinations, and the good confessor had com- 
 plaisance enough to allow him a share in his 
 wife, which he solved to her with the necessity 
 of obliging him, on whose authority their 
 
314 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 whole pleasure depended. The provincial was 
 so far from finding fault with the irregula- 
 rities of the house, that he encouraged them 
 all to allow to the fathers whatever they de- 
 manded ; that being set aside to the service of 
 God, they could do nothing more acceptable, 
 than the pleasing his peculiar and favorite mi- 
 nisters, the fathers of his order. 
 
 The provincial was advised with in the pro- 
 gress of this affair, as whether they should 
 carry on the design against the canon and 
 any other enemy of their order ? But he told 
 them that he thought it more prudent to let 
 it stop there ; enough had been done to terrify 
 the canon from giving his tongue any liberty 
 prejudicial to the affair : they should therefore 
 be cautious of renewing this comedy, lest by 
 a too frequent view the people should be un- 
 deceived, which must end in the ruin of that 
 monastery and the disgrace of their order ; so 
 having been some nights admitted to sister 
 Clara* s embraces, and passed a formal shew of a 
 visitation, he prepared to return to Rome by 
 the way of Naples; but being pleased with me 
 extremely, he easily obtained me of sister Clara 
 as a testimony of her love ; and as a present 
 to the niece of Cardinal Pignatelli, who was 
 a peculiar patroness of this monastery, to whom 
 the provincial promised to give me. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 315 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 An account of a lileasing seat o/'Ludovico Astalli, a 
 physician near Sessula. The history of his life. 
 The wicked love of a mother-in-laicfor her husband's 
 son. Her revenge on his obstinate virtue. The 
 jwison designed by her for him falls into the hands 
 of her oion child. The happy discovery of the son's 
 innocence: Her punishment and death. 
 
 We had not travelled a day's journey from 
 Sar?io, but the provincial being taken ill in the 
 midst of a great plain, the litter in whicli he was 
 carried made to the first gentleman's house that 
 they could reach, which was not far from Sessula, 
 and about five miles from the sea. It stood on 
 a hill of an easy ascent, everywhere diversified 
 with agreeable vistas of woods, vineyards, 
 orange groves and the like. On the middle of 
 the ascent there was a level plain of near half 
 a mile square ; in the midst stood a neat built 
 house, more excellent for its situation and con- 
 venience, than magnificence and ornament. 
 The gardens were small but well kept, and re- 
 plenished with things useful for food, as well as 
 delightful to the eye. There fell from the adja- 
 cent higher part of the hill a pretty purling 
 stream which fed the house with water, without 
 cost or charge, and furnished the little foun- 
 tains without much assistance from art. 
 
316 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 In the furniture decency and use being the 
 aim, there was not much sacrificed to ornament 
 or luxury. This was the retreat of Ludovico 
 Astallij an eminent physician of Rome in his 
 younger days. Here he lived unincumbered 
 with the lazy vermin of the hall, a nume- 
 rous train of servants, which was confined 
 to so few, as should always be employed 
 in the service of the house or garden. His 
 lady was not handsome enough to give too 
 much pain and jealousy, nor ugly enough to 
 give disgust ; she was, or seemed to be governed 
 by the same inclinations, and moved by the 
 same humors, the kind companion of his lei- 
 sure hours. The love and indulgence of a fond 
 husband, his allowance of unusual liberty in 
 making her mistress of her own conduct, and 
 the natural coldness and melancholy of her tem- 
 per, could not well furnish any cause of com- 
 plaint, or motive of inconstancy strong enough 
 to make her seek that corruption from her vas- 
 sals who only surrounded her. But either the 
 solitude denied her the temptation or means, 
 or the short time of our stay denied me the op- 
 portunity of discovering the contrary, or she 
 was one of the very few good women I met with 
 in my peregrination. 
 
 The day Astalli spent with equal pleasure 
 and use, devoting the morning to prayer and 
 study, and the afternoon to pastime and exer- 
 cise. His pastimes were such as his wife could 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 317 
 
 partake in without injury to the modesty and 
 decorum of her sex, and his exercise such as 
 employed his ingenuity, as well as hand and 
 body. In short, he was satisfied with what he 
 Ijad, and what he had not he never wished for. 
 The love of the circumjacent country, his affa- 
 bility and acts of charity procured him ; and 
 the love of his family, his indulgent care and 
 mildness ; the love of his wife, his faith and 
 mutual affection. His study was filled with few, 
 but choice books ; his table was spread with not 
 many dishes, but those good in their kind, in 
 which nature was more consulted than art, 
 hunger than luxury ; and his cellars stored not 
 with many, but wholesome wines ; and the 
 whole entertainment was as temperate as cor- 
 dial. 
 
 In this blessed state we found the wise Astalli, 
 not a little surprised to find a man of his faculty, 
 and in the years when avarice or ambition is 
 most strong, content with that mediocrity which 
 has been so long praised, and so seldom en- 
 joyed : for all his hopes and wishes were 
 bounded within the compass of his own little 
 but competent estate. 
 
 The provincial could not but express his won- 
 der at his singular happiness ; and being now 
 pretty well recovered of that indisposition, 
 which had diverted him from the prosecution 
 of his journey to his house, he was very inqui- 
 
318 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 sitive into the reasons of Astallis retreat from 
 business, and seeming aversion to the world in 
 general, which did not seem in him to proceed 
 from a melancholy, or hypocondriac humor, 
 but from more sedate and rational causes. 
 The public duties of my function, (said the pro- 
 vincial) force me from that pleasing retirement 
 I might hope from my order ; and though I 
 have not vanity and self-esteem enough to say^ 
 as Alexander the Great said to Diogenes, if I 
 were not Bonacorsi, I would ie Astalli ; yet I 
 may say, that if I were not at the command of 
 my superiors, J should tvish to be the disciple 
 of so wise a master ; and seek that happiness in 
 retirement, which I never yet could find in com- 
 pany and business. 
 
 Love and ambition (replied AstalliJ confined 
 me once to Rome, but far from ease and hap- 
 piness. For there 1 was always in the chase, 
 without ever coming up with the quarry ; or 
 if ever I did, it was only lo find it not Avorth 
 the pursuit. I had an open confidence in friends, 
 but they always deceived me ; I trusted to 
 virtue, but that still kept me under ; and I 
 found that a man who hopes to get preferment 
 by honesty, acts as preposterously as he that 
 thinks to win woman by sincerity. Honesty, 
 indeed, finds a panegyric in every mouth, but 
 empty words are all its tribute, and empty 
 hands its support. He, therefore, that would 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 319 
 
 make a figure at court, must shake hands with 
 so starving a companion, and dare some bold 
 villany that merits a prison and the wheel. 
 But 1 never thought dignity worth purchasing 
 at the expense of my honor, or power worth 
 the immortal infamy of a villanous action. 
 Compassion for the distressed always opened 
 my purse, but the product of their relief was 
 generally ingratitude. My credulity in the 
 vows and protestations of men served only to 
 discover that the sacred powers of heaven were 
 only valued by some to betray those who be- 
 lieved in them. 
 
 In the midst of these false measures, love, 
 that had always fluttered about and hovered 
 over my heart, now seized on my bosom ; but 
 exercising a merciful sway, I found the hard- 
 ships of a long courtship removed by a mutual 
 affection ; we soon were married, and soon 
 again separated by the cruelty of her death in 
 child-bed of a fine boy, whose birth gave his 
 mother her death, and whose unfortunate life 
 was near giving the same to his father, though 
 not by his fault, as you will find by the sequel. 
 
 My grief for her loss was real, but not im- 
 moderate, as knowing it fruitless and vain. 
 Some years had passed in my widowhood, 
 without any thoughts of venturing again on 
 the hymeneal rites. But the devil of avarice 
 joying my usual good fortune, I was introduced 
 
320 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 to a lady by a friend, as mistress of more virtue 
 than beauty, and fortune than quality. So 
 that, betrayed by false hopes and false friend- 
 ship, I embraced a cloud instead of my pro- 
 mised Juno, after marriage finding her as dis- 
 solute as ugly, and as poor as ignoble. 
 
 However, I thought it my best way to be 
 content with my loss of the expected for- 
 tune, not yet finding that her virtue was as 
 sophisticated as her face. Use, an easy temper, 
 and her cunning flattery had in a little time 
 worn out all disgust, and not only rendered her 
 agreeable to me, but given her something too 
 much the ascendant over my will. 
 
 My son by my first wife, had been long away 
 from me at Bononia, applying himself to his 
 studies, and 1 had now another hopeful young 
 boy by this second adventure who was about 
 twelve years of age. The eldest was called 
 Orlando and the youngest Giuseppe. Orlando 
 was a youth who had made a considerable pro- 
 gress in his learning, and was master of such 
 a singular modesty and piety, that any man 
 might be proud of a son so meritorious. 
 
 His step-mother either naturally loose, or 
 else driven by the unavoidable necessity of 
 fate to the most extreme of wickedness, cast 
 her eyes and unlawful desires on her son-in- 
 law Orlando. In the infancy of her passion, 
 while yet she felt but the young and feeble 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 321 
 
 force of love in her breast, easily resisted its 
 weaker influence in silence. But when it had 
 gathered strength and robustness, filling her 
 bosom with outrageous fire, it revelled in her 
 heart without moderation, and she fell a willing 
 victim to its rage, surrendering herself entirely 
 to its conduct, and dissembling her disease, 
 she cunningly belied the secret wounds of her 
 mind in the apparent sickness of her body ; 
 for the symptoms of love and disorders are 
 so very much alike, that any one may well be 
 deceived in their judgment : discolored pale- 
 ness, f\int and languid eyes, feeble joints, 
 disquiet slumbers, the languishing and broken 
 emission of the breath, more vehement by its 
 slowness ; and all things would persuade you 
 that her illness was a fever, but that her eyes 
 too frequently flowed with tears. I had the 
 best physicians to join with me in consulta- 
 tion what medicines were best to be prescribed, 
 but ignorant of the cause, we might all very 
 well miss the effect ; though I have since 
 reflected, that there was no need of the medi- 
 cinal art to discover the meaning of the im- 
 moderate pulse of her veins, the excess of her 
 heat, the panting uncertainty of her breathing, 
 and her tossing and tumbling from this side to 
 that. These are symptoms so visible of an 
 amorous desire, as only could be hid in our 
 opinion of the patient. 
 
 Vol. I. Y 
 
322 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 Being thus agitated with the furious desire 
 of the presence of an object she could not but 
 wish for, she at last broke her obstinate silence, 
 and ordered Orlando to be called to her apart- 
 ment. The youth with a ready and pious obe- 
 dience, makes haste to the sick motiier of his 
 brother and wife of his father, with his young 
 brows ploughed with early furrows for the sick- 
 ness he little thought himself the unhappy 
 cause of, to execute whatever command she 
 should impose. 
 
 Though tired already with a silence that 
 had been so tedious and torturing, yet shocked 
 at the horrible secret she was going to unfold, 
 full of fears and doubts, how best to express her- 
 self without offence, she often rejected the words 
 she thought most proper to save them both 
 their blushes and confusion on so criminal a 
 discovery. But her bashfulness and modesty 
 now nodding and sinking before the battery 
 of desire, she only thought of how she should 
 begin. 
 
 The unfortunate youth concerned for her 
 anguish and suspecting no evil, asked her with a 
 pious tenderness and a submissive countenance, 
 the cause of her sickness. This question 
 with the damnable opportunity of being alone, 
 made her break out into confidence ; yet first 
 weeping abundantly, and covering the small 
 remains of her modesty with her face, in a 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 323 
 
 trembling voice, in this short manner addressed 
 herself to him, — Thou t ht/se If {s^'id she) art the 
 whole cause and origin of this fatal disorder^ 
 that I groan under, and sole remedy of the 
 evil thou hast inflicted, the mily stay, health, 
 and support of iny life. For the piercing and 
 consunmig beams of those dear eyes of yours, 
 admitted by mine too frail and tmcautious, 
 have trajisfuscd into niy inmost soul afire too 
 violent to be supported. Have pity, therefore, 
 on her who is perishing for your sake / nor let 
 any mistaken piety to thy father give thee any 
 disturbance ; for first I love his face in thee, 
 and thou by thy compliance wilt preserve him 
 that wife on whose life and satisfaction his 
 very being depends. You have now the lucky 
 and full security of being with me alone, and 
 a happy opportmiity sufficiently capacious of 
 the necessary evil. For that which is done with-^ 
 out the consciousness of any witness, is as it were 
 not done at all. 
 
 The youth confounded with the abominable 
 proposition, though he perfectly abhorred the 
 guilt of compliance, yet thought not the violence 
 of so criminal a passion fit to be exasperated with 
 a positive denial, but rather to be soothed by a 
 cautious delay, and a dubious promise of success 
 on a more favorable occasion. He, therefore, 
 with some earnestness, assures her satisfaction ; 
 and persuades her to be of good heart, and to 
 
 Y 2 
 
324 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 take all that necessary care of her health and 
 recovery, that, as soon as my absence should fur- 
 nish the opportunity, they might with security 
 accomplish their mutual desires ; and having 
 appeased her present rage with so pleasing an 
 artifice, he withdrew from the noxious eyes of his 
 step-mother. 
 
 But being satisfied in the terrible ruin that 
 threatened his family from this unnatural lust 
 of his step-mother, he consults his venerable 
 tutor by letter, under all the obligations of an 
 inviolable secresy. The sum of all their debate 
 in several letters was, that there could be no way 
 more safe and effectual, than to fly the coming 
 storm of cruel fortune by his speedy absence. 
 
 But my wife impatient of the least delay 
 had so contrived the matter, as to send me on 
 a sleeveless errand a pretty way from home, and 
 where I should be sure to stay at least a night 
 or two, to adjust the difficult accounts of a 
 farm which I had in that country. I being thus 
 dexterously removed before Orlando could get 
 his affairs in such a posture as to remove himself 
 without suspicion, bore down with the madness 
 of her ripened hopes, she, with joy and eager- 
 ness, demands of my son the payment of that 
 love^ which he had promised without any design 
 of ever making it good. But he confounded 
 between the wickedness and the danger, by a 
 subtle address under several pretences, for 
 
OP LUCIUS APULEIUS. 325 
 
 awhile disappoints the execrable interview ; till 
 having pushed matters so close, and finding- 
 a repulse, as well as by the variety and incon- 
 sistency of his answers, that she was never to 
 expect the performance she languished for, by a 
 strange and fickle change of her affections, her 
 impious love was perverted into a hatred as 
 extreme as unjust. i 
 
 In her pursuit of which to an implacable and 
 bloody revenge, she called to her advice a ser- 
 vant of the family of a principle so abandoned, 
 that he would undertake, for a reward, any 
 wickedness that could be proposed. The sum 
 of their conference was to despatch the innocent 
 youth by some private way, and poison was con- 
 cluded to be the most safe. He is sent to procure 
 the hane^ and she takes care to dilute it with 
 wine, that it might go down with the more ease 
 and less suspicion. But while the guilty corn- 
 plotters were deliberating- of a fit time to give 
 him the dose, it happened that her own little 
 son coming from school, and being very dry 
 after the heat of the day, finds the poisoned 
 wine and with a thirsty appetite swallows the 
 liquid death prepared for his brother. He found 
 himself immediately sick, and running to his 
 mother falls down dead before her. Her screams 
 soon alarmed the house, and the cause of his sud- 
 den fate was agreed to be poison, but the author 
 of so barbarous a fact was yet in debate. But 
 
326 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 this wicked cruel woman, a singular instance 
 of a step-mother's malice, untouched with the 
 visible judgment of her own son's death, nor the 
 conscience of her own parricide, the misfortunes 
 of her house, and the grief of her husband, or 
 the moving sight of the dead corpse before her, 
 from that very object drew the shortest way to 
 her revenge. 
 
 She immediately despatched a messenger to 
 me with the unwelcome news ; and on my return, 
 with a well dissembled rage of grief accuses 
 Orlando with the murder of her son, which, in 
 some sense indeed, might be true, since the child 
 had devoured the potion prepared for the young 
 man. 
 
 Tlie more to heighten my indignation, she 
 told me that the cause of his poisoning her son 
 was to revenge on him her refusal of complying 
 with his incestuous desire of possessing the 
 wife of his own father ; nor yet content with 
 these abominable lies, she assured me, that 
 since for fear of his threats, which he had urged 
 with his naked sword, she had been forced to 
 yield to his unlawful embraces. 
 
 Thus struck with the double fate of my chil- 
 dren, I gave too much way to the unruly tem- 
 pest of a most violent passion. Before ray eyes 
 I saw lie dead my youngest and found that my 
 eldest must be sentenced to an ignominious end 
 for parricide and incest. I confess, I was far- 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 327 
 
 ther provoked to the utmost detestation and 
 liate of my son, by the false, though well acted 
 lamentations, and inconsolable grief of a wife 
 too near, and unreasonably dear to me at that 
 time. 
 
 The funeral of one was scarce over, when I, 
 then the most unhappy of fathers, wiping away 
 the tears from my eyes at the interring of the 
 child, entered the court of judicature to accuse 
 the other of capital offences : where stopping 
 the judges just then rising, (knowing nothing of 
 the cruel frauds of my wife) clasping their knees, 
 I pressed with my utmost earnestness and zeal 
 the immediate ruin of the only remains of my 
 family ; accusing him as the impious poluter of 
 his father's marriage bed, the murderer of his 
 brother, and assassin of his mother-in-law. The 
 person of a father, and the excess of my grief had 
 such an effect on, and enraged so far not only 
 the court, but the very people that heard it, 
 that, without any regard to the formalities of a 
 trial, and the manifest proof of accusers, and 
 the tedious defence of the accused, they all cried 
 out, that he ought to be stoned, and that a public 
 grievance ought to be revenged in as public a 
 manner. 
 
 The magistrates being afraid of a popular 
 tumultjifnotspeedily prevented, urged the judges 
 to assert the rights of their ancestors, in bringing 
 the culprit to a fair trial, where the accusers and 
 
328 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 accused should have an equal hearing ; and not 
 to suffer so barbarian a vvildness, or tyrannic im- 
 potence to condemn any one without being 
 heard, that such an unheard of wickedness, such 
 a profligate villany should be exposed in a calm 
 judgment to the age for an example. 
 
 This wholesome advice being resolved on, and 
 the judges being seated, the accuser was sum- 
 moned, and the accused brought into the court 
 with no little clamor. I shall not delay you 
 with a tedious repetition of the arguments on 
 both sides. Let it suffice, that the witnesses 
 were examined and cross-examined, that no- 
 thing should be determined in a cause of this 
 weight on conjecture, not positive evidence ; 
 the principal was the villain I mentioned, who 
 stood with that resolution to what he had de- 
 posed, viz. : Thai Orlando bei?ig enraged at the 
 refusal of his step-mother, had applied himself 
 to him to procure him some poison to murder her 
 son ; and that when he had got it, he saw Or- 
 lando give it the child toith his own hand, secure, 
 as he imagined, of his secresy, by the bribe he had 
 assured him of 
 
 This villain's evidence being given in with all 
 the face and circumstances of truth, the trial 
 was over, and sentence just going to be pro- 
 nounced, when a grave old gentleman and a phy- 
 sician rises up in the court, and being a man of 
 eminent honor and authority, thus spoke to the 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 329 
 
 bench : The pleasure I have in having reached those 
 years which has given me the approbation of this 
 bench, tcill not let me suffer you to commit a mur- 
 der on this accused but injioccnt youth; nor permit 
 you, who are sworn to do impartial justice, to be 
 foully deceived by the infamous mouth of a false 
 servant, ivhose testimony in law is always sus- 
 pected ; for my part I cannot so far trample on 
 all religion, as to deceive my own conscience into 
 a silence in so weighty a cause. Hear then from 
 me the very matter of fact : — 
 
 That villain, the evidence, agreed with me 
 for some present poison for the price of one hun- 
 dred crowns ; assuring me (with horrible im- 
 precations on himself if it were false) that it was 
 for a person under insupportable torments in an 
 incurable disorder ; who had only a desire to 
 put a speedy end to a torment he could not en- 
 dure any longer or find any cure for. But I, 
 imagining that the ill looking rogue had a mis- 
 chievous design in hand which he varnished 
 over with so silly a story, gave him the draught 
 he desired ; but having an eye to this trial, 
 which has now happened, I would not imme- 
 diately take the price that he offered ; but tell- 
 ing him he should seal it up with his own ring, 
 till a better opportunity in a day or two would 
 permit me before him to examine the goodness 
 of the money. Persuaded by these words he 
 sealed up the bag, which, as soon as I perceived 
 
330 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 him an evidence in this trial, I sent my ser- 
 vant home to fetch into the court. Here is 
 the bag, let him see it and acknowledge his 
 seal. For how can this young gentleman (with- 
 out some better evidence than his) be thought 
 guilty of murdering his brother with the poison 
 this fellow bought and is much more likely to 
 have used ? 
 
 The rogue on hearing this was struck with a 
 panic fear, turning pale as death, a cold sweat 
 running all down his body. His knees knocked 
 one against the other, while scratching his head 
 on all sides with his mouth half open, he stam- 
 mered out a parcel of trifling absurd lies in 
 so palpable a manner, that the whole audience 
 began to suspect him as criminal. But reco- 
 vering his native impudence, he began to deny 
 all with a thorough assurance, and to turn the 
 falsehood on the physician, till by the com- 
 mand of the bench his ring was taken off his fin- 
 ger and compared with the seal ; the compari- 
 son made the matter beyond any doubt, and 
 having been put to the rack, he stood out the 
 usual torments without acknowledging the 
 crime. 
 
 I will not suffer this villain, (said the physi- 
 cian) to baffle your justice with his obstinacy ; 
 for I will give you a present discovery of the 
 matter. When I found he would have poison 
 that would give present death, and not thinking 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 331 
 
 it the duty of any of my faculty to furnish the 
 means of death to any, the art of medicine being 
 found out for health not destruction ; yet fearing 
 by a denial I should furnish him with the means 
 of doing the intended mischief by some other or 
 else by the sword, I gave him not poison as he 
 supposed, but drowsy mandragora mixed with 
 other soporiferous drugs ; M'hose nature it is to 
 bring on a sleep on those who take them, very 
 nearly imitating death. Nor is it a wonder that 
 this rogue bears these torments, since he very 
 well knows that death certainly attends the dis- 
 covery of his guilt. But if the child took the 
 potion I prepared with my own hands, he is not 
 dead but sleeps ; whose temporary bands being 
 by time or counter medicines removed, visible 
 life will resume its place, but if he be really 
 dead indeed, you must inquire some other cause 
 of his death. 
 
 The venerable old gentleman having done 
 speaking, there was a general approbation of 
 what he had said. And abundance with me ran 
 to the grave where the child was interred, nay 
 the whole court and all the people thronged to 
 see this desired discovery. I was the first that 
 reached the monument, and taking my dear child 
 out of the coffin and removing the muffler from 
 his mouth and face, was transported to find him 
 waking from his long dissembled death of sleep. 
 Full of joy, which no tongue can express, I 
 
332 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 brought liim in his funeral habit, to the people, 
 and so into the court ; where the wickedness 
 of the profligate servant (for fear of fresh tor- 
 ments) and his more profligate mistress being 
 now made most evident, the truth came to light, 
 and my wife was punished with perpetual ba- 
 nishment and the servant hanged up in chains. 
 
 By the suffrages of all, the hundred crowns 
 were adjudged to the honest physician, as a re- 
 ward for his sleepy potion, in which he had freely 
 my vote, whose more than romantic fortune re- 
 ceived an event worthy of the divine providence, 
 who, in a little time, nay, less than a moment, as 
 I may say, instead of becoming childless, saw 
 myself father of two sons doubly redeemed from 
 infamy and the grave. 
 
 Returning home the happy delivery of my 
 children appeased that shame and sorrow which 
 the infamy of my wife had otherwise fixed in 
 my mind. The same providence that delivered 
 Orlando from the rage of his step-mother soon 
 punished her more effectually than the sentence 
 of the court ; for as she was taking her way to- 
 wards Venice through the Apenines, she fell 
 down a small precipice, which not being high 
 enough to give her immediate death, breaking 
 some of her limbs, she languished awhile, and 
 died in a most remarkable and impious manner. 
 
 I 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 333 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The conthiuation of the history of Astalli, with the 
 tragical fate of Uberto and his three sons. The 
 death of the younrj Duke of Rocca di Mandragone. 
 Astalli's short invective against the exorbitant pride 
 and insolence of the Neapolitan nobility. 
 
 Her private extravagance, on our separation 
 and her death, soon discovered itself in the bills 
 that from every side came in upon me, and 
 which I should have found difficulty enough to 
 have discharged, had not a relation (but just 
 reconciled to me on the death of my wife) died, 
 and left me a considerable fortune in money and 
 estate. 
 
 Thinking this the white spot of my fate, and 
 fearing the evils I had experienced, nor willing 
 to trust myself, I made the chief part of my for- 
 tune over to my son Orlando; allowing a hand- 
 some provision for GiMse;?pe, if he lived, though 
 he seemed in a pining condition, and promised 
 a life but of a very short date, as it proved in 
 some few months after my retirement. The 
 trouble for which was the less, because it re- 
 moved from my eyes the memory of a woman 
 who had given me so great pain. 
 
 Having tried friendships, and found ihem 
 
3S4 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 false; ambition and courts, and found tliem 
 falser ; women, but found them, to my own late 
 and proper cost, falsest of all: having ex- 
 perienced, that virtue and plain dealing honesty 
 served only to make one poor and ridiculous in 
 Rome, unable to sliake off two such uncourtly 
 companions, I resolved to retire to this place, 
 Avhere I believed they would makea more tolera- 
 ble shift, than in that intriguing and busy city. 
 I, therefore, chose this place, as far enough 
 from the hurry and designs of court, and near 
 enough to its civility ; where the inhabitants 
 were so happily qualified not to be such stran- 
 gers to good breeding, as to degenerate into 
 barbarism , nor so polite as to forsake honesty. 
 Thus I settled myself in this delightful place, 
 whence \ have an agreeable prospect of the Me- 
 diterranean, which as I sometimes walk on the 
 beach, I fancy, when tossed and agitated with 
 violent tempestuous winds, represents the con- 
 fusion and noisy tumult of the city ; and hug 
 myself in my double security from the reality, 
 and from the representation. 
 
 But I soon found so perfect a solitude too 
 uneasy a state, and still wanting in something, 
 which human nature required to its happiness. 
 For being made a conversable animal, pleasure 
 could not be perfect without a companion. To 
 make my servants so would only raise them to 
 impudence, and debase myself to a level almost 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 335 
 
 with brutes, missing that satisfaction in conver- 
 sation, which commonly proceeds from a propor- 
 tion, if not equaHty of understanding, and con- 
 gruity of thought and apprehension, which 
 generally differs in the several stations of life. 
 These considerations brought me at last to this 
 resolution, once more to venture in the lottery 
 of matrimony, for a prize, that is not often met 
 with, and which I thought the surest way of 
 obtaining, to be a compliance with the dictates 
 of nature and reason, more than the impulse 
 of avarice or any other passion. 
 
 After a small inquiry in this country I found 
 a lady qualified to my wish ; the daughter of a 
 decayed gentleman, who lived a very private 
 and retired life, not many miles from this place. 
 Her father and mother had her ever under 
 their eye, and bred her up with that care, that, 
 as nature had given her a form agreeable, a 
 sprightly wit and a genuine modesty, she 
 should not want those additions which art could 
 contribute, they therefore mingled her educa- 
 tion in that manner, as to furnish her with so 
 much skill in housewifery as to manage a family; 
 and such a competence of learning as to render 
 her person as conspicuous as any of her sex. To 
 me I confess, she yets seems easy and generous 
 in her temper, agreeable in her person, modest, 
 prudent and pious in her conduct, witty and 
 learned in her conversation ; accomplishments 
 
336 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 enough to challenge the love and esteem of any 
 man. Her love of solitude was equal to mine, 
 and for that she valued me the more. She loved 
 me, because she really believed I loved her ; 
 and she believed that, because I told her so. 
 For being guilty of no dissimulation herself, she 
 could not imagine that my heart and my 
 tongue should not agree. Her father's autho- 
 rity was a medium, not cause of my happiness 
 in her consent. In short, we were married, and 
 though providence has not thought fit to bless 
 us with children, yet that makes no breach in 
 our tranquillity or love, which having had an 
 easy spring and rise, still runs on in a smooth 
 uninterrupted current of satisfaction, which 
 nothing can disturb or ruffle while we live ; 
 neither of us desiring death or fearing it. If 
 any care of the future engage our wishes, they 
 are only, that one fate 7night surprise us, and 
 one grave receive us. But, as that very wish is 
 not so turbulent to disturb our present repose, 
 so have we not any other in nature ; possessing 
 what we desire, and desiring nothing but what 
 we already possess. The turns and vicissitudes 
 of fortune, in the world, we think wiser to hear 
 than be witnesses of; pleased at the firm sedate- 
 ness of our own condition, being fixed in the 
 axletree of the fickle goddess, we see around us, 
 in security, tlie rapid motion of the wretched 
 world. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 337 
 
 We are better pleased to travel over the 
 various climates of the earth with our eyes 
 than our feet; in our studies than in deed. 
 If any difficulty arise in our reading, we leave 
 it to the decision of reason and probability, 
 rather than to hazardous experiment. Our 
 thoughts and observations we are content to 
 impart to one another, without suffering our 
 vanity to expose them to the censorious and 
 ignorant critics of the age; pleased in every 
 thing to lead a life wholly stolen, as I may say, 
 from the commerce and knowledge of mankind. 
 What good I can do, I willingly and without 
 hire perform. Physic, that has been my study, 
 I practise for the benefit of my neighbours, 
 and preservation of my own health and that 
 of my family, if temperance, the sovereign elixir 
 of life should fail, or any accident or casual 
 excess should invade them. My days are plea- 
 sant, my nights easy ; when I wake I know 
 no trouble ; when I sleep my slumbers are 
 undisturbed. And since variety completes the 
 banquet of life, I neither confine myself to any 
 particular study, exercise, or recreation, nor 
 pervert a diversion into a business. 
 
 I was extremely pleased with Astallis ac- 
 count of his past and his present condition 
 and fortune ; and thought how much more 
 virtue accompanies the followers of nature, 
 
 Vol. I. Z 
 
338 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 than the sectaries of enthusiasm ; while the nun- 
 neries and convents were polluted with all the 
 filth of a brothel, and these secular recluses (if 
 I may call them so) so innocent, and so calmly 
 pious and religous. It ought to have cast a blush 
 over the provincial's face, while their voluntary 
 retreat upbraided him with so little regard to 
 the solemnity of a vow. 
 
 Astalli had scarcely ended his narration, but 
 a messenger came to him to desire his speedy 
 assistance to a poor farmer, wounded, as it was 
 feared mortally, by his own hand, in a sudden 
 distraction for a cruel misfortune that befel 
 him, in the loss of his three sons, by the pride 
 and cruelty of a Neapolitan grandee. 
 
 But it being now near bed time he saw the 
 provincial to his apartment, and charitably 
 made haste to the assistance of his neighbour. 
 The morning being come, and the provincial 
 got up, and his prayers soon over, he de- 
 manded of Astalli an account of the last night's 
 adventure. 
 
 There is no greater difficulty flowing from 
 an arbitrary government, (said Astalli) than 
 the insolence of the nobility ; who slavishly 
 surrendering their liberty to the sovereign, gain 
 by that a power to domineer over the plebeians. 
 My poor neighbour, to whom 1 was sent for, 
 is a tragical proof of this truth. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 339 
 
 Uberto is a good country farmer of the better 
 sort, and one that had all the necessary plenty 
 that uncorrupted and unmixed nature yields. 
 He had three sons, hopeful boys, and extremely 
 beloved by their father, Benedetto the eldest, Gio- 
 vanni the second, and Sylvia the youngest. He 
 had given them a liberal education, and nature 
 modesty, and religion obedience, and piety 
 to their father, and mutual love to one another. 
 They went all three yesterday from home when 
 Uberto was sitting at his hospitable table with 
 some friends that came to dine with him. As 
 the glass went freely but soberly about, one of 
 his hens ran cackling up and down the room 
 as if she was just going to lay an egg, on which 
 he calls his boy to set the basket in the usual 
 place, that she might not seek a nest, who had 
 been so fruitful and beneficial a servant. But 
 the hen disdaining her usual bed coming to her 
 masters's seat, at his feet on the floor was de« 
 livered of a most portentous and wonderful 
 birth, bringing forth, not an egg, but a chicken, 
 with all things complete, feathers, claws, wings, 
 eyes, beak, and the like, which immediately ran 
 after her mother chirping about the house. 
 
 A prodigy so amazing threw him and his fa- 
 mily into a strange consternation ; in the midst 
 of which confusion and despondence, came in 
 out of breath, with horror and fear in his 
 
 z 2 
 
340 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 face, an underservant of bis, and gives him 
 this melancholy account of the ruin of all the 
 hopes of his family, in the death of his three 
 sons. These young men (for so their years 
 may privilege them to be called) had a long 
 and intimate familiarity and friendship with 
 a poor neighbouring countryman, who lived in 
 a small cottage of his own, and manured his 
 own little patrimony with his own hands. It 
 was the misfortune of this poor man to have 
 his field join to and bound on a large estate of 
 a powerful neighbour, young rich, haughty and 
 insolently abusing the authority of his dignity, 
 and the reverence of his ancient family ; head 
 of the Actions and parties, and so easily doing 
 what he pleased in the city and court, I mean 
 the young Duke of Rocca di Mandragone, 
 
 Like Ahahy this young Duke had seen with 
 an avaricious eye, the little vineyard of this 
 poor Nabothi and was resolved to have it from 
 liim. In order to accomplish it he murdered 
 or drove away his cattle, and destroyed the 
 fruits of his husbandry ere ripe for the harvest. 
 But not satisfied with this, as long as the un- 
 fortunate peasant enjoyed but the bare ground, 
 he was restless, and therefore pretending a 
 dispute of the bounds, he challenged all the poor 
 man's estate to himself. The unhappy op- 
 pressed wretch to endeavour to do himself a 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 341 
 
 little justice, without any affront to so powerful 
 an adversary, had yesterday summoned a great 
 many neighbours together, who knew time out 
 of mind the limits of each, to settle fairly and 
 without fraud the abutments on each side. In 
 this company were the three brothers, to give 
 what help and assistance they could to their 
 injured friend. But Mandragone^ hearing of 
 their design, comes out attended with servants 
 and dogs of all sorts to awe and disturb the 
 survey, puffed up with the pride of wealth and 
 birth beyond all bounds of moderation or rea- 
 son ; untouched with so many witnesses of his 
 inhuman violence, he gave a loose to the 
 haughty cruelty of his temper. The people 
 addressed themselves to him in behalf of the 
 poor man with all the submission and deference 
 imaginable, and with words adapted to sooth 
 and bend the stubborn and ferociousness of his 
 nature, which he answered with rage and con- 
 tempt, telHng them, that he valued not a rush 
 the opinion of such a company of scoundrel 
 mob as they were, but assured them that his 
 servants should imniediateli/ thrust the poor 
 inan out of his cottage by head and shoulders. 
 On which the eldest of the three brothers, 
 Benedetto, with a little more briskness and a 
 commendable liberty, thus answered the Duke : 
 — My Lord, (said he) it is unworthy your quality 
 
342 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 to act in so tyranical a manner, or let your name 
 he brought into a court of judicature on so UU" 
 just a complaint ; especially since the poor have a 
 right to vindicate themselves and their possessions 
 by the guardianship of the law, which must be 
 their defence at last against the unchristian inso- 
 lence and oppression of the rich. These words, 
 though never so reasonable, were as oil to the 
 flame, adding fresh fuel to the uncontrollable 
 temper oi Mandragone, raising his proud choler 
 to the height of distraction ; for swearing he 
 would hang them all upon the trees, with their 
 laws at their backs, he commanded his hunts- 
 men and followers to slip all the dogs (of the 
 fiercest bloody nature, which used to fall on men, 
 and tear the passive villagers) and set them on 
 the people. The dogs thus at liberty, and hal- 
 looed on by their keepers with open mouth, 
 attack the terrified multitude, and bite, rend, 
 and tear them in a miserable manner. To 
 fly was to no purpose, and so far from 
 taming or appeasing their rage, that they pur- 
 sued them the closer, and raged with the 
 greater fierceness. 
 
 Sylvia, the youngest of the three brothers, 
 about fifteen years of age, being knocked down 
 by a stone, falls a nefarious banquet to the 
 dogs, for having seized the fallen youth they 
 immediately began to tear him in pieces. The 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 343 
 
 brothers hearing his mournful cry, run both 
 to his rescue, covering his body as well as 
 they could from the stones that were thrown 
 by Mandragones servants, and with their left 
 hands endeavoured in vain to beat off the 
 dogs. But all they could do could not drive 
 them from their prey ; so the unfortunate 
 youth expiring on the spot, with his last words 
 begged them to revenge his untimely cruel 
 death on the impious cause, the inhuman young 
 Duke. 
 
 The surviving two brothers seeing their 
 beloved Sylvio become the food of dogs, not 
 so much out of despair as contempt of safety, 
 made up to the Duke, attacking him with all 
 the weapons they had, a shower of stones, with 
 minds as full of rage and revenge as courage 
 and valor, receiving new force from their 
 injury. Mandragone, now cruel by habit, 
 inured to blood and such barbarous deeds, 
 darts his lance directly in the bosom of Gio- 
 vanni, with such vigor that most of it passing 
 through the body of the slain fixed itself in 
 the earth and suspended the dead youth in the 
 air, who though dead could not fall down to 
 the ground. 
 
 Then a tall lusty young fellow, one of the 
 Duke's under domestics, coming to the help of 
 the murderer, threw a stone at the surviving 
 
344 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 brother which seemed to break liis right hand 
 all to pieces, but in reality only passed between 
 the tips of his fingers, and fell to the ground 
 without any execution. However, the politic 
 Benedetto made use of the appearance to se- 
 cure his revenge ; for pretending himself thus 
 totally disabled, he comes up to Mandragone, 
 and speaks to him in this manner : 
 
 Enjoy the destruction of our whole family 
 and glut your insatiable cruelty with the in- 
 nocent blood of three brothers at once. We 
 lived together always in perfect friendship and 
 love ; all our desires, pleasures^ and pains 
 being the same^ let, therefore, my fate from 
 thy hands exalt the extremity of cruelty into 
 mercy, while it unites me to them in my 
 death, whose life ivithout them must prove 
 most miserable. Go on, redoubted conqueror, 
 triumph by the help of weapons and your 
 hundred wild beasts over a harmless, defenceless, 
 unarmed company, that expected no such treat- 
 ment. Since fate, by a malevolent influence, 
 has thus deprived me of this right hand, that 
 should with the loss of thy life have revenged 
 my brother s death, let thine secure thee from 
 any after resentment. Reinember, that when thou 
 hast by an arbitrary oppression expelled this 
 poor man from out of his tenement, you tnust 
 at last be forced to have someneighbour or other. 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 34& 
 
 Mandragone all on fire by these words, 
 snatching out his sword, drives at the young 
 Benedetto, resolving to despatch him with his 
 own hand. But he found soon to his cost 
 that notwithstanding the advantage of his wea- 
 pon, he had engaged a person brave and fierce 
 as himself, who with a manly gripe seizing 
 his arm, with one strong effort wrested his 
 sword out of his hand, and with redoubled 
 blows soon drove his impure soul out of his 
 body. To avoid his being taken by the ser- 
 vants, M'ho now on every hand surrounded 
 him, having valorously sacrificed two or three 
 to his brothers manes, he with a nimble address 
 slit his own wind-pipe with the sword yet reek- 
 ing with his enemy's blood. 
 
 This was the fatal mischief the strange 
 prodigy portended, which being in this man- 
 ner related to the disconsolate father, the 
 old man unable to utter a word or secret 
 tear, snatching up one of the knives with 
 which he had been carving for his guests, he 
 cut his own throat. In the midst of this 
 confusion, a relation in the house seeing him 
 breathe, took horse immediately and came to 
 fetch me, to try if there were any means left 
 to recover his kinsman, but he had done his 
 business too efliectually to leave me any possi- 
 bility of applying my art. Who that considers 
 
346 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 this tragical event, but must conclude, not only 
 that there is a providence, but also, as its con- 
 sequence, that there is an immortality of the 
 soul, and future rewards and punishments 
 fairly to adjust this reckoning between Man- 
 dragone and XJberto. The nobility, indeed, are 
 generally puffed up with such an opinion of 
 their quality, or riches, or power, or all toge- 
 ther, that they believe themselves to be some 
 superior species of beings, and that the laws 
 of reason, religion, and common honesty were 
 only made for the underlings of mankind, 
 while they are exempt from all the obligations 
 of society. There is no law can bind them, 
 no religion influence them, nor any humanity 
 move them to do justice and love mercy. 
 Whereas in reality they are, generally speaking, 
 inferior to all the rest of mankind, their native 
 pride of birth weds them early to ignorance, 
 which they are so fond of as to beget a nu- 
 merous race of follies and vices by her, which 
 distinguish their sires by impudence and vio- 
 lence. They are generally composed of two 
 opposite ingredients, avarice and profusion, 
 all Catalines in their temper, covetous of other 
 men's goods but profuse of their own ; or at 
 once tenacious of their own and desirous of 
 their neighbours*. Their ancient hospitality is 
 lost, and generosity is fled from their order, 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 3^ 
 
 Operto capite (as Petronius expresses il) bona 
 sua numerant, they pursue their own advantage 
 without any regard to right or wrong. Either 
 the little arts of trading citizens, as usury, 
 extortion, &c., are their study, or else, which 
 is worse, little perverted politics, directed to 
 the devious path of their own private gain. 
 In short, they are mere idols for fools to 
 worship, the calves of Bethel^ that have eyes 
 and see not, ears, and hear not ; mere machines 
 of power set up on high for mischief, not 
 benefit, that plead privilege for being fools 
 and knaves, robbers and murderers. 
 
 Providence has already payed Mandragone 
 part of his due, by cutting him off in the very 
 bloom of his years and the full flowing tide 
 of his fortune, adored and feared by the people, 
 and courted by the great. His father was a 
 younger son of a younger branch of the same 
 family, at some distance from the hopes of 
 the dignities and honors at which he arrived. 
 A very indifferent post would once have been 
 thought a very tolerable provision for him ; 
 and when he first left the college, it was 
 thought that his ambition was not levelled 
 much higher. But his youth and address gave 
 him footing on the first round of fortune, by 
 marrying a lady of some figure and fortune 
 in the court. On this foundation he soon 
 
348 THE GOLDEN ASS 
 
 got a post of consideration, and being master 
 of a voluble tongue, abundance of assurance, 
 some wit, a great deal of cunning, a plausible 
 address, where he had any design to carry 
 on, affability to most, whose hopes depended 
 on him, with whom, by the doubtful promises 
 he scattered among them, he filled up his 
 levies ; he soon thrust himself into the most 
 important affairs of the nation ; and having 
 an enterprizing head, in the dubious times of 
 war easily drew the management of the ne- 
 cessary support of the state into his own 
 hands. By this and bribes, managing parties, 
 and cabals, and the like, he amassed together 
 a vast estate. But all that his avarice, rapine, 
 and oppression of the people in the gahels 
 had got, he left to this his only son, whose 
 fate you have heard ; who proving heir to 
 his father's vices, as well as his ill got estate 
 and the high dignity of Duke of Rocca di 
 Mandragone that fell to him but a little 
 before his death, having survived near twenty 
 between him and this title, perished in the 
 very act of injustice, oppression, and murder, 
 and has concluded an impious family in an 
 impious manner. And may such or much 
 worse, be the fate of all those, who sacrifice to 
 their own private service the public interest of 
 their country ! 
 
OF LUCIUS APULEIUS. 349 
 
 The good Astalli having ended his dis- 
 course with some honest warmth, and the pro- 
 vincial being now pretty well recovered, returned 
 his thanks and his benediction, we imme- 
 diately pui'swed our journey to iVa/)/e5. Where 
 being arrived, we went directly to the chief 
 convent of the order, called Sancta Maria 
 Nova. 
 
 END OF VOL. I. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 THE FIRST BOOK. 
 
 Page 
 
 The Epistle Dedicatory iii 
 
 Preface viii 
 
 Introduction xvii 
 
 Chapter I. — Of the country, parents, birth, edu- 
 cation, person, temper, and inclination of Fan- 
 tasio, and of his leaving his native country and 
 
 arrival at Rome , 1 
 
 Chap. II. — Being an account of Fantasio's getting- 
 into the family of Cardinal Cantelmi, and of the 
 festivals of gallantry, which the noblemen of 
 Rome make in the churches for the entertain- 
 ment of their mistresses, which brought him to 
 the knowledge of Donna Theresa, the beautiful 
 
 niece of the Cardinal 5 
 
 Chap. III. — An account of the pleasure and luxury 
 of the Cardinal's house, and the agreeable pros- 
 pect of success to his fortune, till love intervened 
 and lost him in a passion for the beautiful 
 Theresa, niece to the Cardinal; and his greater 
 distress in the Cardinal's infamous passion for 
 
 him 16 
 
 Chap. IV.— A description of the Villa of Cardinal 
 Cantelmi at Tivoli : and an account of Theresa's 
 going into the bath and Fantasio's admission to 
 
 divert her with his discourse , 21 
 
 Chap. V. — The history of the fatal loves of Don 
 Frederic and Catalina of Toledo 27 
 
INDEX. 
 
 Page 
 
 Chap. VI. — The adventure of tbe bath, how Sig- 
 ner Fantasio got the possession of his mistress 
 Donna Theresa, and what followed that suc- 
 cess 41 
 
 Chap. VII. — The history of Donna Theresa, of 
 her birth and education, shewing her to be the 
 daughter, not the niece, of Cardinal Can- 
 telmi, her amour with Count Luciano, son to the 
 Duke of Metalone, one of the Ardenti of Naples, 
 with the letters and verses that passed between 
 them 50 
 
 Chap. VIII. — The continuation of the history of 
 Theresa's life, and her amours with the Baron 
 Casauatta 68 
 
 Chap. IX. — A continuation of Donna Theresa's 
 intrigue with Casanatta, and its tragical event. 
 With the diverting adventures of those of Fas- 
 chinetti, Carpegna, their wives, and the Car- 
 dinal 76 
 
 THE SECOND BOOK. 
 
 Chapter I. — Containing an account of Theresa's 
 argument against marriage; the terrible death 
 of the Marquis of Ancona and young Benti- 
 voglio her gallant: the intrigue of a grave ma- 
 tron of Sienna with friar Rinaldo: and of an old 
 Sicilian physician's wife with a friar Mir.orette ; 
 the advantages of intriguing with the clergy.. .. 103 
 
INDEX. 353 
 
 Page 
 
 Chap. 11. — Theresa's nnioiir with a Dominican 
 friar, and the pleasant ill luck of the friar's at« 
 temps puts an end to the affair. Fantasio's fears 
 for himself from her inconstancy and the Cardi- 
 nal's brutal love to him, prevails with him to 
 make his escape in woman's clothes. , 1 13 
 
 Chap. 111. — Of Signer Fantasio's being taken by 
 the banditti, and the adventure of the two Fran- 
 ciscan friars, who were severely whipped and 
 turned out of doors naked, for iisinjr the fair 
 ladies their host had provided for them 121 
 
 Chap. IV. — An account of Fantasio's arriving at 
 the banditti's castle. The relation of their rob- 
 bing Cardinal Fourbin. And the ill success they 
 met with in personating Cardinal Sermonetti.. ., 127 
 
 Chap. V. — The robbers continue their relations. 
 The unfortunate end of their leader Spadavoni, 
 in his attempt to get into an old banker's house ; 
 the same ill fate of Aquino, in his pillaging an 
 old woman who by a stratagem threw him out 
 of window. Francisquino's exploits at Sienna 
 and his death. Their notable design on the 
 bouse of a Florentine Marquis in the shape of a 
 bear, in which Sparapani perished most manfully. 136 
 
 Chap. — VI. An account of the banditti's excursion, 
 and bringing home a beautiful virgin called Ca- 
 milla, from her mother's arms, the very nioht 
 before the day of marriage. The excess of her 
 grief: her ominous dream, and favorable inter- 
 pretation of it Fantasio's persuasions to ease her 
 sorrows, and his going to bed with her ; and the 
 dangerous temptations he passed with her that 
 
 night 150 
 
 Vol. I. A A 
 
354 INDEX. 
 
 Pagff 
 
 Chap. VII. — Tu the absence of the thieves 
 Fantasio and Camilla attempt their escape, and 
 oet from the old woman their guardian, some way 
 from the castle, but being- met by the robbers, 
 with opprobrious language are driven back 
 aa-ain, and find at their return the old woman 
 hanged by her own hands. They cast them 
 into chains and deliberate on their punishment, 
 which is deferred till the next morning 166 
 
 Chap. VIII.— The arrival of one of the banditti 
 with Scarpilegia, whom they unanimously choose 
 for their captain, after he has given an account 
 of his exploits and robberies in the Alps and in 
 France. The cause of the ladies is revived ; he 
 adjudges them to be sold to the brothels of 
 Turkey. The arrival of a friar, and his account 
 of his love and the murders he committed for it. 
 Th& delivery of Fantasio and Camilla by the ad- 
 mirable stratagem of Baldinotti 174 
 
 Chap. IX. — Fresh troubles of Fantasio, and his 
 flio-ht from Fundi in a chest. The story of Julia 
 Gonzaga, with Barbarossa, and the Duke of 
 Mantua. Fantasio's arrival at Malfi,and passage 
 to the house of Camilla's tenant, a great witch 
 in the high mountain called Monte Marso 197 
 
 Chap. X. — On Fantasio's arrival at Invidiosa ; the 
 wonders he discovers ; the magical music he 
 heard in the night ; the song sung by the spirits. 
 The old witch comes to bed to him : his terror 
 and pains on it; and after surprise, when in his 
 embraces she changes into a beautiful young 
 lady 207 
 
INDEX. 355 
 
 Page 
 
 Chap. XI. — The history of Biancha Pamfili or 
 Tiividiosa. Her marriage to a Franciscan friar. 
 The discovery of his treachery. Her retreat to 
 Monte Marso. Her study of magic and its de- 
 fence 215 
 
 Chap. XH. — The farther villany of friar Bernardo, 
 in cuckoliling his patron, which proved the death 
 of the wife, her brother, and the friar. Fantasio's 
 retreat discovered to the Cardinal. The pursuit 
 comes to Invidiosa's house. She turns him into 
 a fine Bologna lap-dog to preserve him. She his 
 committed for his murder; and he carried away 
 in that shape 228 
 
 THE THIRD BOOK. 
 
 Chap. I. — Their departure from Amalfi and arrival 
 at a viilnsre called Ouzano. Of the gfeldinjjf'the 
 parson of the parish. Their passage thence to 
 the town of Ccrino. The adventures of Phili- 
 pino, Aretina, and Barbaro, and the unlucky 
 intriffues of the fullers and bakers 23.9 
 
 Chap. H. — Fantasio is bought by a friar, confessor 
 to a monastery of nuns in Sarno. An account of 
 the amours of the friars and the nuns, and of seve- 
 ral of their profane verses to their recluse mis- 
 tresses, and of the lewd freedoms they took >vith 
 them the first night he was there 261 
 
 Chap. HI. — The history of sister Isabella, and how 
 she was debauched by a friar at thirteen, under 
 his pretence of taking possession of her for the 
 Virgin Mary; with her adventures with the 
 Dutchess of Sora, her becoming a nun, the ad- 
 
356 INDEX. 
 
 Page 
 
 dresses and letter of father Giovanni, her hale 
 for men and love for her own sex, to which she 
 endeavours tojpersuade sister Clara. What passed 
 between the two sisters that night 273 
 
 Chap. IV. — Of the marriage of friar Pietro to 
 sister Clara. The unlucky adventure of the 
 consummation, which was repaired by the con- 
 veying the friar to her cell to pass the whole 
 night. An account of what books the friars 
 furnished the nuns with 290 
 
 Chap. V. — An account of the possession of some 
 nuns, and their accusation of a secular priest for 
 a magician, who was put to death for it by the 
 Inquisition. Fantasio is given to the provincial 
 of the friars, and so leaves this wicked crew of 
 
 _ friars and nuns 306 
 
 Chap. VI, — An account of a pleasing seat of Lu- 
 dovico Astalli, a physician near Sessula. The 
 history of his life. The wicked love of a mo- 
 ther-in-law for her husband's son. Her revenge 
 on his obstinate virtue. The poison designed 
 by her for him falls into the hands of her own 
 child. The happy discovery of the son's inno- 
 cence. Her punishment and death 315 
 
 Chap. VH. — The continuation of the history of 
 Astalli, with the tragical fate of Uberto and his 
 three sons. The death of the young Duke of 
 Rocca di Mandragone. Astalli's short invective 
 against the exorbitant pride and insolence of the 
 Neapolitan nobility 333 
 
 Printed by G. Schulze, 
 13, Poland Street. 
 
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