ololoiololo J SHELLS FROM THE SANDS OF TIME. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2010 with funding from Duke University Libraries http://www.archive.org/details/shellsfromsandsoOOIytt SHELLS FROM THE SANDS OF TIME. BY THE DOWAGER LADY LYTTON. LONDON: BICKERS AND SON, I, LEICESTER SQUARE. 1876. CHISWICK PRESS : PRINTED BY WHITTINGHAM AND WILKINS, TOOKS COURT, CHANCERY LANK. CONTENTS. N Bad Manners Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon, Lord Verulam and Vifcount St. Albans . Of Mafques and Triumphs ..... Forgive and Forget . . . . . Pity On the Gratitude we owe our Enemies A Curiofity of Literature not mentioned by Ifaac D'Ifraeli On the Comparativenefs of Greatnefs . Upon the Great Difference of the Same Circumftances in our own Cafe and that of others, which always has exifted, and it is to be feared always will exift An Effay upon EiTays ..... An Old Man's Saying ..... Servants . . . . . . Happy Jack ....... Page I 31 48 5^ 55 59 61 93 100 112 134 148 164 vi Contents. Page Macaulay . . . . . , . • 171 Propofed Plan for a Supplementary College to the Univerfities, for the purpofe of Saving Time and Trouble with refpedl to Undergraduates likely to be Plucked; followed by Two Ghoft Stories . 187 ON BAD MANNERS. UR friend, the German poet, hif- torian, metaphyficlan, and portrait painter, quoted by Burton, but whofe name, unfortunately (not to fay unfairly), has not defcended to pofterity, by his revelations about England, reminds us of the debt of gratitude we ftill continue to incur to " diftinguifhed foreigners," for eternally pointing out to us mines of vice and mountains of virtue which, without their kind intervention, our own indigenous perceptions would neither have been fufficiently elevated nor profound to have difcovered ; and even when they note a palpable and indifputable fad, they generally prop it up with an auxiliary or mine it with a motive that we natives ignored before. Thus, the French will have it to this day, that Englifh women are infanely romantic^ it has even pafTed into a proverb with them — romanefque comme une J^ On Bad Manners, Anglaife i" and as they are the only people who go to war for an idea, fo are they the only peo- ple who generoufly and gratuitoufly graft their ideas on the numflculls of other nations, and in fo doing, they have decided that this " given" romantic mania of Enghfh women has its origin in tea, toaft, green veils, and grooms ; that is, from an over-indulgence in the three former, and from young ladies {des jeunes '■'■ meejfes" ) being allowed to ride out fo I a with the latter. This was the ftereotyped French theory of the eighteenth century, and neither the intercourfe of a fixty or forty years' peace, nor a confe- quently nearer view of, and more intimate acquaintance with, bottled porter, beef-fteaks, and Balmoral boots, has at all been able to difpel this " romantic " idea from French brains. The next chimera, not only of the French, but of moft continental peoples, is the exceeding domefticity and love of home of the male as well as the female fpecimen of the Anglo-Saxon. They have an idee fixe that even mi Lord Bull^ in the higheft clafTes, is benevolently addidled to balancing his own babies, while my Lady Bull is equally perfevering in fewing on fhirt buttons, and offering her mafter the de- ferential homage of a filent admiration, — in fhort, that an Englifhman, hke a fnail, can with diffi- culty be got to protrude his head beyond his On Bad Manners. houfe, as is clearly demonftrated by our Clubs, ceafelefs continental tours, and univerfal domo- phobia in the upper clafTes ; and the gin-palace, the tap-room, and the " ring," in the lower. But Henrich Heine, in his " Rieisbilder," is kind enough to point out the cauje of this ex- ceeding ftay-at-homeativenefs among Englifh- men ; and here it is, in all its ftartling novelty and profundity : — '* L'Anglais cherche cette fatif- fadlionde Fame (dansfon interieur) que fa gaucherie naturelle, fous le rapport focial, lui interdit hors de chez-lui,"^ It is certain that good manners are our national deficiency, and bad ones, our national curfe. This is fo patent, that marvels are made of the few ex- ceptions that prove the rule, and we conftantly hear, as a noticeable and memorable thing, after a brief rejiime of a perfon's focial virtues or fhort- comings, as the cafe may be, — " But then Lady ■, Lord , Mr. This, or Mrs. That, have fuch charming manners," as in other countries perfons are cited for their fcientific or artiftic attainments. Nor does this gaucherie^ fhynefs, ^ " An Englifhman feeks that internal felf-complacency at his own iirefide which his natural awkwardnefs of manner in regard to all focial intercourfe precludes his enjoying beyond his own family circle." Granted the awkwardnefs of manner, but denied that it takes refuge in, and confines itfelf to, its own chimney-corner. Would that it did ! On Bad Manners. or whatever you choofe to call it, fo much origi- nate in pride, as in felfifhnefs. An Englifhman's firft dread, in extending a civility, or venturing upon anything like acquaintancefhip with ftrangers, is, that it may by fome remote poffibility entail boredom upon him of fome fort ; and from his earlieft dawn the Anglo- Saxon has been in the habit of referring every- thing to felf, and never troubling his head what effed: that very difagreeable autocrat may pro- duce upon others ; hence, the ill breeding and, in many inftances, pofitive bearifhnefs of bro- thers and fons to their mothers and fifters, and of hufbands to their wives and daughters. And what we have not in our own homes, depend up- on it, we cannot take out into the world with us ; and though a more gracious and courteous bearing may now and then be borrowed, like plate or jewels, for fome fpecial occafion, they are not ours^ and form no part of us. The root of good breeding is Chriftianity ; and the eflence of genuine Chriftianity is gratuitous and difin- terejied kindnefs. If among all our job com- miffionerfhips we only had commiffioners of good breeding, and its evidence, good manners, the only teft they could poffibly obtain for the difcovery of real gentlemen and gentlewomen would be to fee them (unknown to the faid gentlemen and gentlewomen) with their inferiors. On Bad Manners. or with thofe who were under obligations to them, or who wanted their fervices. For as the devil can quote Scripture to further his own ends, fo even the moft felfiOi and ill-bred perfons can be the moft amiable, emprejfe^ and prevenant^ if they have a point to carry ; but the point once carried, the boundary wall once fcaled, fuch per- fons are apt to kick down the ladder too foon, never recolledling that it might again be wanted at fome future time ; for it is part of the fubtle chemiftry of God's retributive juftice that nothing fhould be fo narrow and fhort-fighted as Selfilli- nefs, — that ftrange, many-handed, no-hearted monfter, which is at once the parent and the offspring of every vice. In a quaint old book, tranflated into Englifh in 1730, and written by one Don Baltasar Gratian, the Locke of Spam, entitled *' The Compleat Gentleman, or a Defcription of the feveral Qualifications, both Natural and Acquired, that are neceffary to form a Great Man,^' and dedicated by the tranflator (Mr, T. Saldkeld) to John Lord Boyle, among much heavy rubbifli in the way of ftyle, and rufty allegories, which were the knowledge vehicles then in vogue, there are many gems. And yet, perhaps, one has no right to complain of this circumlocution, for if it were the mere pith of the matter we wanted, the leaft thinking amongft us are, hourly On Bad Manners. and daily feeling, a6ling, and uttering, condenfed into a proverb, fome one of thofe truths which are elaborated in, and diffufed over, an effay. Don Baltafar was evidently a man pofleffing great praftical knowledge of the world, and as fuch was duly imbued with that great truth, conftituting the firft principles of focial inter- courfe, that — Manners make the man, want of them the fellow. And all the reft is leather and prunella. I fhall therefore give, in extenjo^ his notions upon this all-important point, as fet forth in a letter addreifed to his friend Don Bartholomew DE MORLANES. " That maxim, A manner in all things^ ought to be, dear Morlanes, one of the firfl you fhould ftudy to pradife, fince Cleobulus was ranked amongft the wife men of the firft clafs for only having taught it. Not to injure that philofopher, or wrong the judgment of antiquity, that has honoured him with fo excellent a name, I fhould think it infinitely more glorious to praftife a thorough regularity and decency of behaviour, than to teach it in the moft flourifhing academy. To know how to prefcribe excellent rules, and nothing more, is to be only a fimple rhetorician ; but to teach, and to pradlife what one teaches, is to be a philofopher in earneft ; that entitles one firftly to the denomination of a philofopher and wife man Oft Bad Manners. in the true fenfe of the words. Be that as it will, A manner in everything is one of the acknowledged maxims neceflary in pradice ; as there are certain principles allowed as felf-evident in fpeculation. No ; a man fhouJd never be negligent about the Manner in any matter whatfoever ; for the Man- ner is that which is always moft obvious and vifible ; 'tis the outfide, the mark, the fign, and the fpecification, as it were, of the Thing. By that external we come to the knowledge of the internal ; by the vine [rind] and outfide of the fruit, which is vifible to the eye, we conjedure and judge of its nature and quality. A man likewife, whom we never faw in our lives, makes himfelf known to us in fome meafure by his air and his figure. Thus, is a manner fo far from being an indifferent circumfl:ance with refpe6l to merit, that it is the very thing which notifies it to our fenfes, 'tis that which roufes our attention and engages it towards an objed: that has already been capable of pleafing us at firfl: fight. This fort of perfec- tion (for a perfedlion it is) comes within the reach and capacity of all people,^ confequently, ^ No, verily, Don Baltafar, it does not, for, like poets, thev muft be "to the manner horny But what does come within the reach of all, with care and attention, if they would only put afide their felfifhnefs and doff their felf- conceit, is to be a little lefs ill-bred, by being more mindful of the feelings, or even it may be of the prejudices, of others. On Bad Manners. it is unpardonable to renounce it, whatever fome pretenders to folidity may allege, who look upon manner as a trifling, inconfiderable circum- ftance. Some perfons are born with happy dif^ pofitions for the acquiring of this talent, but yet they will never have it in perfe6lion unlefs they themfelves fecond the advances that nature has made in their favour. There are others who have no previous difpofitions towards this talent ; thefe mull; remedy that difadvantage by their own induftry ; art will, at leaft in fome meafure, fupply the defecfl of their natural deficiency. But when Nature in this refpedl is feconded by Art and application, from that union will proceed a merit that charms m.ankind, a je ne Jqay quoy^ an in- expreflible fomething that adorns our 'aftions, beautifies our perfons, and ennobles nobility itfelf Truth indeed has its force. Reason its power, and Justice its authority; but everyone of thefe lofes much of its value if it be not fet ofF and adorned with a becoming manner, but if they be accompanied by a fuitable manner, how greatly then is their value enhanced I The charm of manner does yet more : it fupplies the very place of a thing itfelf, and compenfates for the mean- nefs or defedl of it. It gives ftrength to a feeble truth, depth to a fuperficial reafon, and weight to ^ Je ne fais quoi. On Bad Manners. an infufficient authority. It even makes us forget — what do I fay ? it actually covers and razes — that is too little ftill — it graces and adorns the imperfeftions of Nature, and makes amends for the niggard portion fhe has given us. In a word, Makxer is a kind of univerfal fupply that fur- nifhes us with every thing we want. How many affairs have been fpoiled and ruined by a difagree- able manner and behaviour, and how many, on the other hand, have been profperous and fuc- cefsful, folely through the advantage of an agree- able deportment ! " The monarch's power, the ftatefman's aftute- nefs, the general's bravery, the fcholar's learning, are all imperfetl qualities, if they be deftitute of afuitably graceful demeanour; but this equivalent, enhancing attribute (if I may fo exprefs it), be- comes a fubftantial, eflential perfedlion, in thofe perfons who are born to govern, or chofen to command. Generally fpeaking, all fuperiors gain more refpeft and deference by condefcenfion and humanity than by demanding or exacting them in a defpotic or imperious way ; and a fovereign in particular, who fhades his greatnefs with an air of kindnefs and benevolence, doubly engages us to do our duty. By that means he reigns in our hearts, and confequently over all the reft. " In fhort. Manner is in all conditions and fituations, an irrefiftible attra6lion and engage- 10 On Bad Manners. ment ; it procures good-will at firft fight, and after having made that ftep, it advances by de- grees, and gains efteem, and by thefe progreffive motions it rifes at laft to encomiums and applaufe. We ought, therefore, as I before faid, to omit no means or pains whatfoever, towards the forming of this talent, if Nature has not im- planted it in us ; for after all, they that are pleafed with it (and who is there, that is not?) do not inquire whether it be natural or acquired ; they reiifii the pleafure of it, without any further examination or inquiry. " Manner,' in regard to the produ6lions of wit and underftanding, is almoft a fundamental point. In the firft place, if any piece of litera- ture be grown antiquated, or funk into oblivion or obfcurity, or negledled and thrown by, from having been writ by an unfl^ilful author, this talent alone will bring it out of that ignominy and obfcurity into light, with honour and ad- vantage. It reforms the antique grofihefs of fuch pieces, that would be offenfive to the modern politenefs ; it trims and drefi^es 'em up fo agreeably, that the world receives them with as much applaufe as if they were new produds of the writer's own genius.^ But as we grow ' i.e. Style. ^ Terrible encouragement (by no means wanted) for wholefale plagiarifts, this ! On Bad Manners. every day more and more perfedt, the prefent prevailing tafte, you'll fay, and not the ancient, is to be confulted, to furprife the modern reign- ing tafte out of a fuperannuated compofition, or old-fafhioned treatife. A fmall alteration is often fufficient for that purpofe, fome httle new turn, which difguifes the old thought, and makes it pafs for a new one/ Every thing feems to become new in fome men's hands,'^ that have a certain peculiar caft of wit. With that talent they take out all that 's flat in a mean author, all that is infipid in a trite fubje6t, and all that's fervile in an imitation. Let the matter they handle be what it will, hiftorical or rhetorical, the hif- torian will be read and the orator will be heard ; for though the fubjed may be common, yet ^tis treated after a new and uncommon manner. ^ Indeed ! What a pity that this art, like that of painting on glafs, fhould be loll to the prefent generation! 2 As in thofe of the Mofaic-Arab gentlemen of Monmouth Street or the Minories, for inrtance, or as a politician's coat, however often turned, or even what may be called a gilt- gingerbread calibre of intelledl, from the grotefque trafhinefs of its fubllratum, plaftered on the furface with an ornate gorgeoufnefs of glitter that amounts to vulgarity, may, with manner and temper combined, vanquilh the fatal Hydra Ridicule itfelf, which keeps watch and ward at the bafe of Ambition's very dirty flippery mat de cocagne, fucceed in climbing it, and vigoroufly feize from its pinnacle the onerous burdens of its golden talifmans of power and pofition. 1 2 On Bad Manners. " In the fecond place, things that are in them- felves choice and exquifite, 'tis true, do not weary us, though they be prefented to our minds over and over again. But yet if they do not weary us, they at leaft ceafe to entertain us with equal pleafure. Now this is the time we fhould perceive it neceflary to have recourfe to the magic of manner, and to give the fubjed: that new drefs which it feems to require. The new decoration ftrikes and awakens the fancy, and pleafes it as much as if fome new objeds were prefented to it ; whereas they are only the fame, placed in a new and different light ; old pi6lures juft vamped up, and re-varnifhed. Thefe, then, are two maxims conftantly true In matters of literature : that, on the one hand, the moft ingenious piece will not be pleafing to the tafte if it be not feafoned and difhed up with an agreeable manner, and, on the other hand, the moft common or trivial thing is no longer fo, if it be treated in a polite (!) way, in that en- gaging manner which new-models every thing it takes in hand. "A manner is likewife of great advantage in civil fociety,' in the common, ordinary converfe of life. Let two men relate the fame ftory : the ^ So it is to be prefumed, for without good manners fociety, were it called la creme de la creme, can fcarcely be civil. On Bad Manners. one fhall pleafe, and the other difguft ; this is a wide difference, whence does it proceed ? Why, it proceeds entirely from the manner. The one has fomething in his air and manner that is either affeding, engaging, humorous, or piquant^ the other has fomething awkward or dull in his perfon and language, which tires the hearers, or lulls them to fleep. But the worft of all is, when a man's manner and behaviour is not only not agreeable, but is pofitively bad and difagree- able, and that wilful and affedled too, as is often the cafe with men in great pofts and employ- ments. How many have we known whofe harfh, rude, infolent, brutifli manner has made all mankind avoid them ! ^ Your haughty, fu- percilious air,' faid a wife man once — to one that you and I know' — Ms not indeed in itfelf a vice which ought to brand you with difhonour ; but neverthelefs, it is a fault, and fuch a confiderable ^ The reader will have the goodnefs to bear in mind, " que c'ejl Marc Aurele qui par le, ce rCeJl pas moi: " it is Don Baltasar's pen this philippic emanates from, not mine ; and that the you and / here invoked are himlelf and Don Bar- tholomew DE MoRLANES. I myfclf — I, gentle reader — have fpared you not only the battering-rams of italics with which Don Baltafar aflaults this official Growley of his day, but even all the capitals (at leafl all thofe of Europe) that he had crammed into this pafTage, to make it the more im- pregnable and impofing. H On Bad Manners, fault too, that it alienates all civilized people from you, and banifhes them from your houfe and prefence. Have you a mind to recover and bring back thefe amiable fugitives ? do but put on a gracious, obliging air ; that attracflion alone will bring them all again; for that metamor- phofis and change of the exterior will perfuade them there was firft of all one within.' " A volume would not be fufficient to par- ticularize all the advantages of an agreeable manner. It intermixes fo many civil things, even in a refufal, that we fcarcely perceive it to be one. At leaft, we take it more kindly than a favour granted us with an ill grace and relu6lant countenance. It fo qualifies a reprimand too, that it makes it appear more like an admonition than a reproof. Under a kind approbation of our condudl, which it feems to look upon as difcreet, it will couch and infinuate a genteel(!) remonftrance, finely to point out and intimate to us, that we are not fo perfed as we fhould be. In a word, Manner is a fort of univerfal fpecific for all diforders,^ an univerfal fupplement ^ If Don Baltafar be right, this quite accounts — defpite our draining and ligliting and fanitary improvements — for our ever-increafing bills of mortality; but it's an ill wind (and not, it would appear, an ill manner,) that blows nobody any good ; and what a paradife England mull: be, and is, for M.D.s! They have only to make a name, and, like Mofes On Bad Manners. to all defedls and imperfedlions, an univerfal means towards an univerfal fuccefs. "But after all, fay you, what is this manner you fpeak of? in what does it precifely confift ? It is, in fhort, a thing not to be defined ; for it confifts in a certain je ne Jqay quoi \Je ne Jais quoi]^ an indefinable fomething, that cannot be explained either. Without attempting, then, to analyze its nature and efience, I fhall only call it an aflemblage, or conjun6lion of perfe6lions, a mafter-piece of work, finifhed by the hands of all the Graces. " We need not go back to former ages for an example of this mafterpiece, this inexplicable, in- expreffible, fomething. Ifabella de Bourbon, Queen of Caftile, was poflefTed of this union of perfedlions, attefted by the general admiration and applaufe of all Spain, not to mention a thoufand other qualities, which gained her more glory than any queen of her name ever merited in this kingdom. This princefs had fuch a charm- ing manner, fuch engaging, winning ways, an affability fo natural, eafy, and yet majeftic, that fhe won the hearts of all who approached her. She did a great deal in a little time. She lived uni- verfally admired, and died univerfally lamented. in the " Vicar of Wakefield," to go to fleep. Tliey need fear no rival healers in good manners ! 1 6 On Bad Manners. " Heaven foon claimed this angelic vertue [i. e. virtue], of which this world was not worthy. Ifabella de Bourbon, after having been the too fhort-lived felicity of this kingdom, was taken hence to the fruition of an eternal felicity pre- pared for her merits." But to return to our own bad manners. I do maintain that they arife more from intenfe felfifhnefs than pride, as foreigners fuppofe ; or rather that pride, the vulgar fungus commonly fo called, is but the fecondary refult of the firjft principle, felfifhnefs. As one, among many in- stances, of the fort of almoft incredibly bad manners which perfons are fubjeded to in this country in their unavoidable public intercourfe with their compatriots, I will relate one of which I was eye and ear witnefs. A fhort time ago, on a fummer's Sabbath evening, I ftrolled into a mediasval church to look at the monuments and painted windows, which during the fervice I had of courfe been unable to examine. I foon per- ceived that I was not alone in my explorations, but that two ladies — I mean Ladies — were fimi- larly employed. At length, tired by their re- fearches, they entered a pew near the reading defk, while 1 foon after took pofleffion of an oppofite one. The two ladies upon going into their feat had knelt down to pray, we three being the only perfons then in the church. On Bad Manners. They had fcarcely concluded their devotions when the firft bell began to toll for evening prayers, and foon after the verger came down the centre aifle, and after having lit the gas at the reading defk, handed them a hymn book, which feemed to endorfe, as it were, their right to the places they had feledled, though no doubt they, like myfelf, were under the impreflion that at the evening fervice, whoever came firft were free to take any vacant feat they chofe. All went on fmoothly till towards the end of the Firft LefTon, when two young — ladies^ I fuppofe they would have called themfelves — but terribly beflowered, befurbelowed and befeathered figures, came ruftHng and buftling down the aifle, and, not fpeaking in that low, fubdued tone which inferiors generally adopt before their earthly fuperiors — ftill more in the Houfe of God — they daftied open (for I can defcribe it in no other way) the pew door where the two ladies fat, and faid in a loud voice, "You can't fit here — this is our pew." Now what confiderably added to the Chrijlian grace of this proceeding was, that there was ample room in the pew for four. The ladies did not wait for a fecond notice to quit, and opening my pew door for them I betook myfelf to another, not but what there was plenty of room in the one I occupied ; but after the fpecimen of 1 8 On Bad Manners. good breeding they had juft experienced I thought they might prefer being alone. This accurfed omniprefence of felf is for ever rifing to the furface, and tainting and twanging all beneath, like that horrid oil by which the Italians exclude the air (at the expenfe of the flavour of the wine) on the top of their flafks of Monte Pulciano and Falernian ; or that '* Spirate of Cinnamon," which Algernon Sidney wrote to his friend, Mr. Furley, at the Hague, to get for him, with the warmeil Indian gown he could find at Amfterdam, adding, touching the Spirate : — " Perhaps you may at the fame place heare of that fpirate of cinnamon that you fentme once into France, and I fhould be glad to have as much more now, if I could have that which is right and good, but I heare there is knavery in that bufinejfe as well as many others ; and the way of fending the laft, with Oile on the top, was good to preferve it, but I never found a way foe to take it off but it mixed with t\iQ. /pirate and fpoilt the tafte and fmell." And verily fo does this rancid oil of felfifhnefs (which is intended as a fafeguard to the body over which it prefides) " mix with the fpirit," and fpoil the flavour and aroma of all other qualities. And the worft effed: of this felfifh- nefs is, that the heart, which God made and On Bad Manners. intended to be elajiicy is hardened and narrowed into a pfychology of the Greek fculptor's " Homunculus meafuring the ColofTal Statue by its Thumb." Thefe felfifh homunculi meafure all greatnefs by fome homoeopathic rule of thumb of their own. A large heart, a great mind, and ftill more, a great nature, they cannot underftand ; and only look upon them as con- venient refervoirs of folly for fupplying their wants. So that with fuch perfons, let them be under whatfoever obligations they may to others, decency is difficult, and gratitude impoffible. For in every way they are as tough and obtufe as a rhinoceros ; to win them is alfo impoffible, to offend them is equally fo ; for their own intereft, or at leaft ends^ being the only thing they keep fteadily in view, though under ordi- nary circumftances their manners may be un- couth and repulfive in the extreme, yet no fooner is it a queftion of infult verfus intereft than ftraight they are "Made all of falfe-faced foothing, when Heel grows Soft as the parafite's filk." And oh ! how fhocked fuch reptiles are, with their toad-like fibres that can difpenfe with the very breathing element of other natures, and ftill drag on their flow, cold, marrowlefs exiftence, how utterly fcandalized they are, when they have 20 On Bad Manners. goaded fome frank, honeft nature, by treachery and bafe ingratitude, into one of thofe terrific heart-quakes, where " What the bread forges the tongue mud vent ; And being angry, do forget that ever They heard the name of death." For then xhzjava indignatio reigns fupreme. Well-bred perfons, whatever inconvenience they may put themfelves to or facrifices they may make to ferve another, were it to the amount of more than half their worldly goods, would of courfe lejfen and make light of the favour to the obligee ; but towards the genuine Anglo-Saxon this is a moft fupererogatory piece of delicate generofity, as they are fure to put that con- ftru6lion on it, and to point it out to you, fo as in fad to tranfpofe the pofitions, and endeavour out of your own mouth to prove that you^ not they, are the debtor ; for moft perfons, though by no means too proud to accept any fort of affiftance, are generally too mean to acknowledge it. If out of Jheer compaffion, at a great facrifice of perfonal or pecuniary comfort, you give houfe- lefs and friendlefs perfons a home, though they may be morally and phyfically everything that is moft antipathic and obnoxious to you ; when on the firft opportunity they play you fome Judas trick, and you are ftung by their bafe On Bad Manners. ingratitude into complaining of the bad return fuch condu6t is for the years of kindnefs they have received from you, the odds are they tell you " Why, you yourfelf told me that, fo folitary a life as you led, it was quite an acquifi- tion to have any one to ftay with you!" or if, out of the fame foolifh compafTion, you have allowed fome thoroughly difagreeable and in no way defirable perfon to infeft your houfe all the year round, merely becaufe you knew he or fhe wanted a dinner, and had not the means of pro- curing it ; and that further, you had adminiftered to his or her pecuniary neceffities far more largely than your own warranted — when the turn of the wheel feparates you, whatever forrows or mif- fortunes may befall you, though they be not of a defcription fimilar to thofe you relieved in them, and though there are pens, ink, paper, and poftal arrangements all the world over, not one word of fympathy or remembrance will you receive from your friends^ till, perhaps, at the end of another decade, they may want again a fum of money ; and not knowing any other fool fo likely as the former oft-tried one to give it them, then will come a letter faying, " from your many former profejftons of friend/hip^ he or fhe is fure you will not refufe," but not one fyllable about or allufion to the many (ignal fervices they had received from you ; the truth of the matter being 2 2 On Bad Manners. that you never had felt or could feel, for fo narrow and fordid a nature, any friendfhip ; ftill lefs had you profejfed to do fo, though out of fheer compaffion for their diftrefs you had done them many (ignal fervices. But the fuppreffio veri 2iX\di Juggejiio falfi are infeparable from little minds and fhallow hearts in all things, but more efpecially where gratitude is due, and being thoroughly infolvent in that virtue, like other unprincipled creditors, they prefer fwindling you by any dirty quibble or chicanery. Not that I have any pecuniary debtors, for to that fort of perfon I never lend money, but always give it ; which is a pradlical illuftration of making a virtue of neceffity ; for as I am very fure it would never be repaid it is as well to take the initiative, and by robbing onefelf fave them the additional fin of defrauding one. Now all this dearth of proper feeling and good principle is difgufting and difcouraging in the extreme ; not as regards onefelf individually ; for anyone who does a kind a6l, be it great or fmall, from a motive of praife, reward, or gratitude, or indeed from any motive but the One golden one enjoined to us from above, of doing unto others as we WOULD THEY SHOULD DO UNTO US, dcferVCS not only ingratitude, but cenfure ; but it is dif- couraging, when one hears fo much about the alchemic power of Progrefs, to find how very, On Bad Manners. very little it has yet done towards tranfmuting the drofs of human nature. Perhaps all this arifes from our being in a tranfition ftate, wherein the fine old title of Gentleman is much abufed; in- deed, the race of men and women (like that of children) appears to be extindl ; all perfons are ladies and gentlemen nowadays, which may account for a gentleman or a gentlewoman, in the fingular number, being fo rare. I only wonder that maids-of-all-work don't advertife as ladies not objeding to do houfehold work, when a far lower clafs of perfons, thofe figuring in ftreet brawls and police reports, tenacioufly infift upon the grade ; for we conftantly read, " the prifoner denied hav- ing punched the lady's eye or torn her bonnet ; he and another gentleman were going along, and merely afked her the way to Oxford Street." * * And the other day there was an account of a poor over-driven bull rufhing into a public- houfe, where two builders were drinking and fmoking their pipes in the tap-room ; and the public was informed that after fetting all the taps of the fpirit-barrels flowing " in its headlong courfe, the bull ruflied into the tap-room, where the two gentlemen were fmoking," &c. Speaking of bulls naturally reminds one of Irifh labourers, the lower order of which are very witty gentlemen indeed, and what is better, have wit in their anger, and when they meet with a 24 On Bad Manners, jauntleman who has no pretenfion to being a gentleman, they know how to repay his ingrati- tude in his own coin. A happy inftance of this occurred at a fafhionable watering-place a fhort time ago. A portly " well-to-do " looking gen- tleman was out boating for his pleafure in a fomewhat rough fea ; a fudden guft capfifed the boat, all hands ftruck out for the fhore, but the flout gentleman, though accuftomed to keep his head above water all his life, evidently did not know how to fwim, and in fad: was in imminent danger, when a poor Irifhman {landing on the efplanade threw off his coat, jumped into the fea, and at the rifk of his own life faved that of the flruggling man, and bore him to fhare amid the loud cheers of the fpedtators. No fooner did the gentleman in broadcloth find himfelf on terra firma^ and give himfelf a fort of Newfoundland- doggifh fhake in order to make fure of his own identity, than, putting his hand into his pocket, he generoufly prefented his deliverer with Sixpence ! Pat put it on the palm of his left hand, which he held out at arm's length, and contemplated it in every poffible light, making the mod comical face imaginable at it — fuch as Gulliver may have done at the firft LiHputian that he fcrutinifed in the fame way — only the Irifhman fcratched his head with his right hand the while, till fuddenly running after the flout gentleman, he touched him on the On Bad Manners. arm with one hand, while between the finger and thumb of the other he tendered him the coin, throwing back his head in a deprecating fort of way, as he faid out loud for every one to hear — " Here it is, Jur — I cudrit, indade I cudnt ; it would go agin me confcience entirely, to take Jich a fum from yez ; for faix ! it's jiji fivepence halfpenny tree fardings more nor yer worth ! " If roars of laughter could avenge or reward, Pat was amply compenfated and avenged. But the ftout gentleman was faved for the nonce, and to perfons of an habitual and ftony felfifhnefs^ it never occurs, when an immediate danger or neceflity is once paft, that difafters and dilemmas at all events are conftantly repeating themfelves ; and that the rinds of the oranges they have fqueezed and are therefore fo prompt to fling away, may under fome other and future phafe of their career be again ufeful to them. For they do not refled that in this fhort-fighted ingratitude to its agents it is Providence itfelf that they outrage, which may teach them the lefTon they fo much require in the fevere fchool of retribution when next fate ^ No doubt fome will exclaim, " But the ftout gentleman's ungrateful condudl arofe from fheer ftinginefs, and not from fellilhnefs or ill breeding." Pardon me, my dear lir or madam; but if zi^f/Zanalyfed, you will find that ^//meannefs, but more efpecially pecuniary meannefs, is nothing but the hardeft fort of felfifhnefs, or petrified egotifm. 26 On Bad Manners. places a fpringe, a pitfall, or • a barrier in their way. Alas ! fuch natures but too incontrover- tibly prove to us that Martial was not far wrong when he afferted that animals are often more generous than the felf-ftyled "paragon of animals," Man ; for they evince on many occafions a fort of humanity where men fhow nothing but bru- tality, " and if quadrupeds degenerate fometimes on this fcore," adds the poet, " it is only becaufe they are corrupted by the examples of men." And fo far he is right, for being all the crea- tures of habit, we are of neceffity influenced and moulded more by example than by precept ; and our intenfe felfifhnefs, and the bad manners and ill breeding growing out of them arife from early mifrule, and being allowed to indulge in them in our own families, and where, defpite the verbal moral axioms they hear (of which even among the leaft virtuous there is never any lack) they are naturally led to pradife what they fee. For as Lord Bacon truly obferves in one of his ableft eflays, that " Of Cufiome and Edu- cation^^' "Many examples may be put of the force of Cufiome^ both upon Minde and body. Therefore fince Cujiome is the principall magif- trate of man's life, let men by all means en- deavour to obtain good Cujiomes^ and certainly Cujiome is more perfedl when it beginneth in young years." On Bad Manners. But it is the little hienJSances and all-buying and little-cofting amenities of fociety, thofe little things of GREAT IMPORT, the minor morals of life, in which, nationally fpeaking, we are fo lamentably deficient, all of which leJe-bienjSances might be eafily avoided if we would make it a rule to fay to ourfelves, " If this were a king, a queen, or any other great perfonage, or one from whom I wanted or expefted fomething, or that it was in any way my intereft to pleafe or to con- ciliate, would I thus cavalierly keep them waiting, or break an appointment of my own making ? or leave their letter unanfwered ? or (how how much their vifit bored or deranged me ? or curtly refufe any requeft they might make me ? or ungracioujly grant it ? or be fo inadvertent as to fay or do the very thing which I was perfe6tly aware was the thing of all others moft calculated to wound or annoy them?" Confcience could have but one anfwer to this catechifm — an unqualified No! Then believe me it is wrong fo to aft towards our uninfluential equals, doubly wrong if there is anything unjuft and exceptional in their pofition or circumftances, which fhould on that account be given by courtefy the higheft rank, and treated with every deference and confideration. And trebly wrong is this ill- bred remiflhefs towards our focial inferiors and 28 On Bad Manners. dependants. But when we are guilty of any of thefe fhortcomings we fhould take heed that the remedy be not worfe than the difeafe — that is, that the apology, from an affumption of pa- tronage and implied fuperiority, be not more offenfive than the original rudenefs. For here again our national gaucherie and omniprefence of felf generally tranfpofes the pofitions, and inftead of expreffing (as common good breeding demands) their regret and lofs at not having been able to come and fee you for fo long a time, they generally begin by condoling with you^ for your difappointment in not having feen them, and fearing you muft have thought them very unkind. But the worft of thefe epidemic bad manners is that they are infeftious, for it is not in human nature, if too long goaded, to refift the temptation of retaliation, as, like all other animals of better inftin6ts and lefs reafon, we are apt under great provocation to confound retaliation with redrefs, and fo, for the moft part, follow the example of the King of Ba- varia, who faid, when Napoleon I. kept him and feveral other legitimate royalties waiting for him for a full hour of a bitter cold January day in the carriage at the gates of Malmaifon while he was paying a Jub rqfd vifit to his divorced Jofephine : " Puifqu'on nous traite comme des laquais, ma foi ! divertons-nous On Bad Manners. comme tels ; " ' — and forthwith difpatched a real lackey to a neighbouring cabaret for bread, cheefe, and wine. In footh, all bad manners and vulgar reprifals have a fpice of the lackey in them. * " Since we are treated like footmen, the beft thing we can do is to amufe ourfelves in the fame way as if we really were Knights of the Shoulder-Knot." 29 SAMUEL PEPYS AND FRANCIS BACON, LORD VERULAM AND VISCOUNT ST. ALBANS. lAMUEL PEPYS and Lord Bacon : one of the ^ littleji' and one of the greateft men who ever lived ! '^ Why, what a jumble !" exclaims the reader, for even chronologically fpeaking. Lord Bacon ought to have precedence." " True, I grant you, on that ground alone, But on none other, as it fhall be fhown." This, the nineteenth century, among many more high-founding titles, calls itfelf an age of pro- grefs, but that it never can or will be fo long as mere intelledlual fupremacy continues to pafs current for an all-fufficient expiation of every fpecies of moral obliquity and turpitude. Therefore fhall Francis Lord Bacon, " the brighteft, wifeft, meaneft of mankind," be weighed 32 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. in the balance with Samuel Pepys, and be found wanting. Sylla wifely chofe the title of Felix rather than that of Magnus ; we do the very reverfe. The whole ftudy of the age is to be great — not in reality, for that were meritorious, but in appearance; for this is eflentially an era of fhams and feemings. However, deduced from the falfe premifes from which we Itart in all things, this is fo far logical, that we may be apparently great upon falfe pretences ; whereas, in order to be happy, we muft return to firft principles, thofe that we fet before the children in their copy-books ; that is, we muft be good. Don't be alarmed ; I am not going to give you an elaborate diftertation, reader, upon that un- known pagan divinity, fuppofed to be Virtue, but as to whofe nomenclature no two heathens, however illuftrious, could ever agree, Ariftotle calling it the glory of humanity ; Salluft, the badge of immortality ; Seneca, man's only good ; Cicero, the root of happinefs ; Apuleius, the imprefs of the Deity ; Sophocles, inexpreifible riches ; Euripides, a rare treafure ; Virgil, the beauty of the foul ; Cato, the foundation of authority ; Socrates, the fountain of felicity ; Menander, his buckler ; Horace, his ftrength ; Bias, his all ; Valerius Maximus, a thing inef- timable ; Plautus, the price of all things ; Casfar, the perfedlion of all great qualities ; and which. Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. in the eighteenth century, under the aufpices of Mr. Samuel Richardfon, culminated in " Pamela," and was for the firft and laft time REWARDED ! No, no ! if my betters could not break in this Cruifer of an attribute, fo as that " a child might ride it," I am not going to attempt it. Why fhould I, when Socrates, who had the advantage of living in an age and country where there was no law of libel, and no periodical prefs nor Quarterly Reviews, gave it as his opinion that there was not a man living who thoroughly underftood anything ? If this was the cafe then, when there was fo much lefs to he underftood, and fo many more people to underftand it, (phi- lofophers included), what Boeotian imbecility it would be in me, who am a lineal defcendant from Socrates' majority (limited), to attempt to analyfe the problematic concrete ! I only meant to fay, and I repeat it, that in order to be happy we muft be good, and in this at once fimple yet profound art, Heaven itfelf has condefcended to be our teacher; for unto every foul born into this world God has given a moral chronometer, called confcience, which He has originally fet by his own great horologe of omnifcience and eter- nity ; if we negled it, it will run down and be filent ; if we tamper with it, and regulate it according to falfe computations, it will deceive 34 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. both ourfelves and others ; but it cannot deceive the Maker, who knows that all its works were perfect when it left His hands ; and will demand a ftridl account of the manner in which they have been negledled or perverted. For which reafon, I fhall proceed to prove that the little, pompous, whilom Secretary of the Admiralty, Samuel Pepys, was, not a better, but certainly a lejs bad m.an than Francis Lord Bacon, Lord High Chancellor of England ; both having (with fome exceptions, greatly in favour of Pepys) the fame range of vices in perfedlion. For though a brother chancellor might find that " there was not fo much amifs in my Lord Verulam " ^ — probably becaufe in this ageof mouth amenity and moral turpitude, it is part' of the arcana cana of our fyftem of popular fallacies to confider it contra bonos mores to breathe a word againft a predecefTor (however remote), or indeed ' All Mr. Hepworth Dixon's apotheofis of Lord Bacon (publifhed fince this was written) goes to prove is, that bribery, corruption, and felf-feeking were more openly and honeitly carried on in thofe days than they are now, and that my Lord Verulam was no worfe than his contemporaries — only managed ugly bufinefles more cleverly. The worft thing againll him is the prima facie evidence; for it is a villainous countenance, fuch a one as Lavater would have palled the fame fentence upon that he did on Mirabeau : " You have every vice, and have done nothing to check them." Safnuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. to fpeak the truth about any one, or any thing, if it can be poflibly avoided — yet any graduate of a ragged fchool well up in his Catechifm and the Ten Commandments would be inclined to hold a different opinion of my Lord Bacon. Of courfe, no one cognizant of the economy, not to fay parfimony of Nature, in the produ6lion of real greatnefs and fuperiority, whether in the moral, animal, vegetable, or mineral kingdoms, is fo unreafonable as to expedl that John Bramftones fhould grow upon every bramble — that righ- teous judge of Charles I.'s time, whom hiftorians concur in telling us " popularity could never flatter into anything unfafe, nor favour bribe to anything unjuft," ftill there are degrees in everything, and there is, moreover, fuch a thing as wearing one's vices, like one's rue, " with a difference." Having given Mr. Pepys the "pas in the firft infliance, I fhall continue to do fo, making a little hieroglyphical fum in addition (as he himfelf might have done) of his merits and demerits and thofe of Lord Bacon ; fetting down i whenever the balance is in favour of the Secretary, and o when it is againft the Chancellor. 36 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Pepys. Pepys kept a Diary or Confeflional, and open confeffion is good for the foul. In that diary, with unexampled candour, and to fave that celeftial fecretary, the recording an- gel, trouble at the Day of Judgment, he pithily gives his motives for refufing a tempting bribe that had been offered him to do a little dirty work. " For I did not think them fafe men to receive fuch a gratuity from, and that I might have it in my power to fay I had refufed it." The mean, felfifh motives for this right con- duct are fhared by thoufands of highly refpedlable individuals. The unflinching honefty of volun- tarily acknowledging them is perhaps unique. Pepys, as we have feen, did not take bribes ; and inftead of hypocritically anathematizing all who were guilty of that iniquity, he honeftly, if not exadly nobly (!) tells us why he did not do fo ; at all events, he avoided the committal of the fin, though neither purity nor principle had anything to do with his integrity. But on the very rare occafions that cowardice makes men adl honeflily, it is hard that the trembling monitor fhould not receive its meed of praife. Neither did Pepys delude and betray his fuitors. On the contrary, he fpent much time in figning pardons gratis, as was proved by the following Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Bacon. Lord Bacon did not. He was wifer (in his generation), and wrote pompous efTays denunci- atory of his own efpecial vices. My Lord Verulam invariably took bribes with both hands — that is, from his client and his client's adverfary — and whichever bribe weighed the heavieft furnifhed him with the mofl: weighty reafons for legally deciding in favour of the donor. Yet hear how this intelledtual Janus, this judicial Judas, wrote upon this very iniquity of bribery : — " The Vices of Authority are chiefly foure : — Delates ; Corruption ; Roughnejs ; and Facilitie. For Delates give eafie acceffe ; keepe times ap- pointed. Go through with that that is in hand ; and interlace not bufineiTe, but of neceffity. For Corruption ; Do not only bind thine own hands from takings but alfo thy Jervants hands from takings but bind the hands of futours \_fuitors^ alfo from offering [!] For integrity ufed doth the one ; but integrity profeffed, and with a manifeji detefta- tion of Bribery [!!] doth the other. And avoid not only the fault, but the fufpicion." !!! (As my Lord Bacon evidently thought he was cleverly doing by this impious hypocrify!) 38 Brought over 1 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Pepys. comment in his " Diary " on this philanthropic ex- penditure of his time : " I got nothing for it, which did trouble me much." Anglice^ like many more, he had much trouble for nothing. Poverino Pepys ! THE TWO CLOAKS. Pepys alfo combined loyalty with economy, and if he often evinced the fpirit of his father the tailor, he invariably efchewed the goofe^ where his own pocket and perfon were concerned. So the Diary has the following very fenfible entry, which was no doubt the aboriginal "combining Elegance with Economy" now fo common in tailors' advertifements : — " I did countermand the making of my velvet cloak for a time, till I fhould fee which way the queen's illnefs did iiTue." (Mem.) Pepys had never received any ho- nours or emoluments from Charles II. 's queen, as Lord Bacon had done from Elizabeth. Pepys, on the contrary, never betrayed or did anything to injure his patrons, my Lord Sand- wich or the king ; but on the contrary, was re- markably civil and prevenant always to their refpedlive " MifTes," as honorary wives were in thofe days called. And upon once being prefled Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Bacon. " Whojoever is found Variable^ and changeth manifefily^ without manifeji cauje^ giveth Jujpcion of Corruption.'' (For which reafon my Lord Verulam never changed^ for he never decided till he knew he had good 2indi fufficient reafons for his decifion.) In Hypocrisy five hundred fathoms BELOW Pepys. 39 Brought over OO ooooo THE TWO CLOAKS. When on the 23rd of March, 1602, the day before Queen Elizabeth died, my Lord Verulam took water at Whitehall to go down to Rich- mond " to inquire how long the Queene's High- neffe was like to laft, he chid his ferving man for giving him his beft cloake, — when neither the queene, nor the weather, were like to hold out. On getting to Richmond he met Dr. Whitgift, the Archbifhop of Canterbury, who told him the Queene had juft commanded her coronation ring, which had grown into the flefh, to be filed off her finger : and the almonds of her ears having begun to fwell and an univerfal numbnefs to feize her. She was far on her laft journey. The rain now beginning to come down, my Lord hafted back to his barge, well pleafed that he had had more forethought than his 40 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Brought over Pepys. to cook certain accounts he flatly refufed, as the Diary tells us, " from fear, and from unvvillingnefs to wrong the king ; and becauje it was no -profit to me " [!] Here is Truth again, in her anti- crinoline coftume, drawn up out of her well, and the parifh beadle and county gaol on aftive fer- vice, vice confcience and honour, promoted. Then Pepys, though he was always making effays on love, never wrote one ; and whether we contemplate him being fpat upon at "the play- houfe " by a lady, and not minding it when he found flie was pretty, or getting up an ecftafy at the fight of Lady Caftlemaine's '■'- laced Jmock as it did hang out to dry^' or giving "Nym" ^5, when he only gave Mrs. P — £1^ as will fome- times happen in the beft regulated families, he was always the greateft gallant poffible in a fmall way. Pepys carried always about him in his beft coat pocket, and did not care to fhare its con- tents with any one fo long as it contributed to his own perfonal comfort, a fmall homoeopathic cafe of poifonous globules of the moft infinitefimal variety, which he took regularly and felt quite comfortable, even to thinking when he was in his own beft Niagara of a wig, with its cataradls of curls, that in dejhabille the king was but a poor Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. 41 Bacon. fervitors, not to wafte a faire cloake on foule weather ! " My Lord Verulam, having too great a mind for fo lowly and humble a virtue as gratitude to take root in, prudently betrayed his too generous friend, patron, and benefa6lor, Efl'ex, thinking, no doubt, that for a genius with fuch a head as his, a friend's head was as good a ftepping-ftone as any in the court of fo profligate, heartlefs, and un- womanly a fovereign as Elizabeth. What a pity it is that he did not leave to the world^ and after a while to this country^ an eflay on Gratitude as well as that on " Love !" as it would, there is little doubt, have been well worthy of the man who wrote : " It is a poor faying of Epidletus — Satis magnum alter, alteri theatrum Jumus — as if a man, made for the contemplation of Heaven and all noble objefts had nothing to do but kneel before a little IdoU and make himfelfe fub- jedt, though not of the mouth (as Beafl:s are), yet of the eye, which is given for higher purpofes ! " Lord Bacon's felf-valuation was allopathic and colofTal, and he purpofely bequeathed it to the world as an all-fufficient portion. The ftu- pendous brilliancy of fuch an intelledl, in the midft of fo low and miry a moral organization, may be compared to a Bude light in a charnel Brought over 000000 O 42 Brought over Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Pepys. looking fellow, though when filked and fatined he looked noble. Pepys, with all his little Liliputian pompofity, never hypocritically pointed out the right way to others ; he only took care to go by it himfelf, not from the glorious immortality pro- mifed at the end of it — for he had no fuch lofty afpirings — but becaufe he dreaded the fnares, fpring guns, and foul things that might bemire his fine clothes, or even the cafualties that might ftrip him of them altogether, if, tempted by a fhort cut, he took a wrong turn. Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. 43 Bacon. houfe, illuminating in all its loathfomenefs the corruption it could not purify. He knew what was right, and pointed it out to others, not in- deed from a laudable wifh for their welfare, but to put them by hypocrify on a wrong fcent ; and while indicating to them the beft road, prevent their perceiving the crooked and foul ways by which he himfelf travelled/ * But all this is only a proof how well my Lord Verulam underftood and praftifed his own axioms on " vaine glory,''' which are fo perfeftly underftood and carried out alfo in our own times. "In fame of learning," faith he, "the flight will be flow without fome feathers of OJlentation. ^jii de contemnendd Gloria libra s fcribunt, Nomen fuum infcribunt. Socrates, Aristotle, Galen, were men full of ojlentation. Certainly vaine glory helpeth to perpetuate a man's memory ; and Vertue was never fo beholding to Humane Nature, as it received its due at the fecond hand. Neither had the Fame of Cicero, Seneca, Plinius Secundus, borne her age fo well, if it had not bin joined with fome vanity in themfelves. Like unto varnifh, that rnaketh feelings [ceilings] not only to fhine, but laft." All of which, though elaborately pradifed now, was condenled in the Syrian proverb fome thoufands of years ago, " Give yourfelf one ear-ring of gold, and the world will foon give you the other." Brought over OOOOOO OOO OOOOOO OOOOOO 44 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. Having now fhown, what Lord Bacon himfelf would have called "A Table of the Colours or Appearances of Good and Evill, and their DEGREES, AS PLACES OF PeRSWASSION AND DlS- WASION, AND THEIR SEVERAL FaLLAXES AND THE Elenches OF THEM," between the pigmy and the giant, it is clearly proved, by moral gauge, which is God's meafure and the only one we fhall be judged by hereafter, although it is quite the reverfe here, that although with regard to their fmall vices it is fix of one and half-a-dozen of the other, between the Chancellor and the fecretary, yet morally fpeaking the balance is in favour of the latter ; Samuel Pepys being on the fame fcores fix times a lefs bad man than Francis Lord Bacon. The how, when, and wherefore, of this great famenefs, yet great difference, in the modus operandi of fimilar vices in two individuals created out of fuch widely different argils and in antipodical fpiritual and intelle(5lual hemifpheres, muft be left to meta- phyficians to determine. Dr. Clarke and Wollafton confidered moral obligation as arifing from the efTential difference and relations of things ; Shaftefbury and Hut- chefon as arifing from the moral fenfe ; and the generality of divines as arifing folely from the will of God. On thefe three principles praftical morality has been built. " Thus has God been Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. pleafed," adds Warburton, "to give three different excitements to the pradife of virtue, that men of all ranks, conftitutions, and educations might find their account in one or other of them, — fome- thing that would hit their palate, fatisfy their reafon, or fubdue their will. But this admirable provifion for the fupport of virtue hath been in fome meafure defeated by its pretended advocates, who have facrilegioufly untwifted this threefold cord." Exadlly fo, and this brings us to the great and infoluble problem of why it fo often happens that the cleareft and loftieft intelleds, as in the inftance of Lord Bacon, are found linked with the very bafeft moral obliquities. This, truly, is the Mezentian punifhment, of the dead body bound and chained to the living one, fpiritualized, and perpetuated on into an inexorable eternity. Such men, who have for the moft part but a fmall worldly ambition, even to achieve that play the wrong card ; for nothing in heaven or earth has any vitality in it fave goodnejs — not the appearance but the REALITY. If God Himfelf were merely great it is very probable that we fhould even be afraid to pray to Him ; Omnipotence may will, and in willing awe ; Omnifcience may know, and with the fubtle myfteries of fuch infinite knowledge work mira- cles ; but it is GOODNESS alone which can fave 46 Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. or attract, for Goodnefs is the heart of Time and the foul of Eternity. When we appeal to God it is not His power we invoke ; on the contrary, we often dread that ; but it is to his GOODNESS we pray, and to that we trust. If the manes of the departed are cognizant of the phantafmagoria going on in this world after they have pafTed the great Rubicon, and ftill more, if they can either gladden or wince under the pofthumous verdids of their fellow men, I cannot imagine my Lord Verulam's punifh- ment having reached its grand climadleric, or his myriads of defrauded clients being appeafed, till he found himfelf coupled with Samuel Pepys, and even lofing by the comparifon ! Notwithftanding this Fiat jujlitia, however, I feel bound to return my grateful thanks for the many pleafant hours I have pafTed with my Lord Bacon, more efpecially in his " Gardens," wondering the while when he talked fo much of Dew-Bayes yielding fuch fweet odours of a morning, "Germanders,^ that give fuch good flower to the eye," with "Cornelians," and ^ Doubtlefs the "Prime-roses" mentioned fo often, and with befitting praifes, by Lord Bacon, were merely the an- ceftors of our own little darling meadow-flars the Primrofes, and, like all other names, theirs was originally bellowed to defignate a peculiarity or a quality, that of their being the firfl; rofes of the year. Samuel Pepys and Francis Bacon. 47 for fruits, of " Ginnitings," " Quadlings," and " Melo-Cotones " — I could not help won- dering, I fay, the while, what and where they were ; though I could perceptibly inhale the per- fume of the dainty muflc-rofes, that of the woo- ing white violets, and the fpicy tufted pinks, in all directions. For the benefit of a certain clafs of young ladies who may not have read his " Eflaies," from thinking Bacon vulgar in any fhape, I will leave the "Gardens " and return into the "Buildings," and go into that " Goodly Roome above Jlaires ofjome forty feet high" or rather into the (moWfan^fum next to it, on "MS.'{^<^<1JMI^H^MM