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DUKE UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 The Glenn Negley Collection 
 of Utopian Literature 
 
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Digitized by tine Internet Archive 
 in 2010 witin funding from 
 Duke University Libraries 
 
 littp://www.archive.org/details/journeytoworldOOIiolb 
 
H71-3TD 
 
 JOURNEY 
 
 TO THE 
 
 WORLD UNDER GROUND; 
 
 BEING THE 
 
 ^nhUvvantou^ CtabeU 
 
 OF 
 
 NIELS KLIM. 
 
 FROM THE LATIN OF 
 
 LEWIS HOLBERG. 
 
 LONDON: 
 PUBLISHED BY THOMAS NORTH, 
 
 64, PATERNOSTER-ROVV. 
 
 1828. 
 
/ 
 
 Prujted by G. Duckwortb, 76. Fleet Street. 
 

 THE 
 
 TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE. 
 
 This Work, while it amuses, does not fail 
 to instruct ; as it comprises, with much light 
 and pleasant matter, a complete system of 
 ethics. The Translator of Lewis Holberg's 
 Life of himself, recently published in Hunt 
 and Clarke's Series of Autobiography, pre- 
 faces it thus : — *' Holberg is justly regarded 
 by the Danes as the creator of their modern 
 school of literature. His productions are 
 but little known in this country, and still 
 less in the more southern parts of Europe ; 
 but in the North of Europe, there are few 
 names which are held in greater esteem. 
 He devoted his whole life to literature, and 
 acquired, in his own country, a distinguished 
 
THE translator's PREFACE. 
 
 reputation as a satirist, a dramatic writer, 
 a national historian, and as an expounder 
 of the principles of public law. His Jour- 
 ney to the World under Ground is an 
 amusing and instructive production.^' 
 
 Holberg was created a baron by the King 
 of Denmark in 1747, and died in 1754, 
 leaving the principal part of the property 
 he had accumulated to the Academy of 
 Knights at Soroe. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Page 
 Apologetical Preface « v 
 
 CHAP. I. 
 
 The Author's Descent into the Subterraneous Regions. , 1 
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 The Author's Arrival among the Inhabitants upon the 
 Planet Nazar 16 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 Description of the City of Keha 38 
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 The Prince's Court in Potu 60 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 On the State of the Country of Potu, and the People's 
 Way of Thinking 82 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 On the Religion of the Potuites , . . . . 90 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 The Constitution of Potu 101 
 
 a2 
 
IV CONTENTS. 
 
 Page 
 CHAP. VIII. 
 
 On the Schools in Potii 124 
 
 CHAP. IX. 
 
 Travels round the Planet Nazar 137 
 
 CHAP. X. 
 
 Voyage to the Firmament 229 
 
 CHAP. XI. 
 
 Voyage to the Regions of Prodigies 274 
 
 CHAP. XII. 
 
 The Author's Arrival at Quama 308 
 
 CHAP. XIII. 
 
 Beginning of the Fifth Monarchy 320 
 
 CHAP. XIV. 
 
 The Author is elected Monarch in the Subterraneous 
 Regions 363 
 
 CHAP. XV. 
 A sudden Change of Fortune 385 
 
 CHAP. XVI. 
 
 The Author's Return to his Native Country, and End of 
 the Fifth Monarchy 401 
 
 Abeun's Appendix 418 
 
APOLOGETICAL PREFACE. 
 
 PETER KLIM AND ANDREW KLIM, 
 
 SONS OF THOMAS KLIM, AND GRANDSONS OF 
 
 KLIM THE GREAT, 
 
 TO 
 
 THE COURTEOUS READER. 
 
 It having come to our knowledge, that 
 the truth of this history has, by some per- 
 sons, been called into question, and that 
 the publishers of the '' Subterraneous Tra- 
 vels,'' on that account, have, in several 
 places, fallen into ill repute; we have 
 deemed it advisable, to prevent any false 
 charge in future, to prefix to this new 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 edition, an attestation signed by men 
 whose sincerity and veracity elevate them 
 far above the orb of all suspicion ; and 
 v^hose evidence entirely secures the pub- 
 lishers against every invidious attempt at 
 contradiction. The two first subscribing 
 witnesses were contemporaries of our hero ; 
 and the others lived near about the same 
 time : all being universally known as per- 
 sons of the old school, and, consequently, 
 of the strictest virtue and integrity ; and 
 who would never allow anything to be 
 palmed upon them, nor suffer themselves 
 to be sent on a sleeveless errand. With 
 the evidence, then, of such reputable men, 
 signed with their own hands, and sealed 
 with their own seals, we shut the mouths 
 of all pseudo-critics and jeerers, and bring 
 them to acknowledge their incredulity to 
 be unfounded, and to retract their injudi- 
 
PREFACE. VU 
 
 cious accusations. The attestation, ad- 
 dressed to myself and my brother, is of 
 the following tenor : — 
 
 '* We the undersigned, at the request 
 of the two respectable and very worthy 
 young men and brothers Peter Klim, and 
 Andrew Klhn, do hereby certify, that we, 
 on examining the books and papers of the 
 late illustrious Niels Klim , found among 
 them an autograph, entitled ' Subterra- 
 neous Travels;' to which was attached a 
 Subterraneous grammar ; together with a 
 dictionary in two languages, Danish and 
 Quamitish, That on comparing the admi- 
 rable Latin translation of the renowned and 
 highly praiseworthy Abelin, which at this 
 present moment is in almost everybody's 
 hands, with the original writing, we dis- 
 covered that the said translation was a 
 
Vlll PREFACE. 
 
 faithful one, and in no wise inferior to the 
 text. In witness whereof we have here- 
 unto set our hands and affixed our respec- 
 tive seals. 
 
 Adrian Petersen, (L.S.) 
 
 Jens Thorlaksen (L.S.) 
 
 SwEND Klak, (L.S.) 
 
 JOKUM BUANDEK, (L.S.) 
 
 Jens Gad, for self and bro- 
 ther, (L.S.) 
 HiERONiMus GiBBs, a Scot,(L.S.)" 
 
 We hope and trust, that, with such forci- 
 ble and authentic evidence as we have 
 here adduced, every doubt will now be 
 entirely removed. But should there, never- 
 theless, be found any one pertinacious 
 enough still to persist in his disbelief, such 
 ])ower of incredulity we must endeavour 
 to overcome with other weapons. It is a 
 
PREFACE. IX 
 
 well-known fact, that in that part of Nor- 
 way called Finmark, there are people so 
 profoundly skilled in the magic of Nature, 
 (a science, into which the learned of other 
 nations have scarcely ever pryed,) as to 
 be able to raise a storm at pleasure, and 
 again appease it ; to transform themselves 
 into wolves ; to speak several languages, 
 which are entirely unknown in our world ; 
 and to travel from the North-pole to the 
 South-pole in less time than an hour. One 
 of these Fins, whose name was Peyvis, had 
 recently come to Bergen, where, at the 
 request of the Sheriff, he gave so many 
 surprising and miraculous proofs of his art 
 and learning, that all the spectators pro- 
 nounced him perfectly worthy of a Doctor's 
 cap. Just at that time there issued from 
 the press a severe critique upon the '' Sub- 
 terraneous Travels;" wherein the censor 
 
X PREFACE. 
 
 referred them to tales of the nursery. This 
 circumstance was the occasion of orders 
 being given to the said Peyvis, while en- 
 deavours were still making to vindicate the 
 honour of the Klhns, to concentrate all the 
 powers of his art, and attempt a voyage to 
 the regions below the earth. He promised 
 to comply with the Sherift's commands ; 
 expatiating on his own peculiar faculty, 
 promptness, and dexterity, in nearly the 
 following words : — 
 
 What wilt thou, then, say ? 
 The strongest, the greatest, the mightiest on eartli. 
 From the south to the north. 
 
 My word must obey. 
 
 I rend in twain the rainbow. 
 
 And Sun, and Moon, and Stars, I headlong hurl below ; 
 By moon-light make the thunder roar and lightning 
 glow : 
 
PREFACE. XI 
 
 The whirlwinds and the raging storms my voice do 
 
 knoW;, 
 And from th' impenetrable rock I make sweet honey 
 
 flow ; 
 The North Sea's roaring waves I bid at once recoil, 
 I freeze the hedge row fields, and make the icebergs 
 
 boil. 
 
 What wilt thou, then, say ? 
 What's there found in the ocean, what is there on earth. 
 In the fire, in the air, from the South to the North, 
 
 That my word don't obey ? 
 
 All shuddered with fear, and were filled 
 with amazement, on hearing him pronounce 
 such strange-sounding and incredible 
 words. The Fin, however, immediately 
 and undauntedly prepared himself for the 
 voyage ; stripped himself to the skin, and 
 (O, wonderful to behold !) suddenly trans- 
 formed himself into an eagle, soared into 
 
Xll PREFACE. 
 
 the atmosphere, and vanished in an instant. 
 After a whole month's absence, early one 
 Friday morning, a little before sunrise, 
 our metamorphosing Doctor entered the 
 Sheriff's room, but completely exhausted 
 and breathless ; very similar to a horse 
 that has been driven hard up an acclivity : 
 his strength had entirely left him ; he 
 swooned, whilst the sweat poured from his 
 forehead in continual streams. It was not 
 long before he came to himself again ; 
 when, after breathing a little, and taking 
 a gulp or two of brandy to revive his 
 spirits, he gave us a full description of his 
 adventures : particularizing, with a bril- 
 liancy of acumen, all that had befallen 
 him in his aerial voyage, and in his travels 
 in the Subterraneous regions. He related, 
 also, that after divers sanguinary engage- 
 ments having, at different times, taken 
 
PREFACE. Xlll 
 
 place, in which the Klimites had always 
 borne away the bell, the reins of govern- 
 ment were again in the hands of our Niefs 
 son, who had long swayed the sceptre 
 under the guardianship of his mother; 
 but that grown old himself, and become 
 illustrious through the numerous and 
 brilliant exploits which he had performed, 
 he now reigned far and wide in the Sub- 
 terraneous world, under the name and 
 title of Niels the Second, Every circum- 
 stance which this learned man related 
 was immediately penned down, word for 
 word ; and will prove an extremely im- 
 portant, and at the same time interesting, 
 Appendix to the annals of which the 
 literati of Bergen have announced the 
 publication, under the title of — A Con- 
 tinuation of the History of the Fifth Mo- 
 narchy. Besides the annals already spoken 
 
XIV PREFACE. 
 
 of, there will appear, at the same time, 
 a Grammar of the Quamitisli Language ; 
 which to the present age will, perhaps, 
 not prove of any particular advantage ; 
 but will become so much the more im- 
 portant to posterity, as our country 
 (without boasting), which is really fertile 
 in projectful heads, will certainly not fail 
 to embrace every possible opportunity, 
 both night and day, of establishing a com- 
 mercial intercourse with the Quamites, — a 
 people who have invented machines, with 
 which they are enabled, without the aid 
 of witchcraft, to sail with perfect safety 
 to the regions below the earth. 
 
 Shame on you now, ye incredulous 
 mortals! and learn for the future, in 
 matters of importance, to proceed with 
 more prudence and circumspection ! Shame 
 
PREFACE. XV 
 
 upon you, ye railers and jesters ! and beg 
 pardon for your unfounded accusations ! 
 Lastly, shame upon you, ye critics and 
 censors ! and in order that the learned 
 world may not again have to endure your 
 audacious and unjust decisions, stifle them 
 for the future in their birth ; or, if you 
 had rather, you may all hang, strangle, or 
 drown yourselves instead. 
 
NIELS KLIM'S 
 SUBTERRANEOUS TRAVELS 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 THE author's descent INTO THE SUBTERRANEOUS 
 REGIONS, 
 
 Having passed my examinations at the University 
 of Copenhagen, and attained to the degree laiiia- 
 AA-Jahalis both in tlieology and philosophy, I made pre- 
 parations for returning to my native country, and 
 embarked in a vessel bound for Bergen, in Norway. 
 This was in the year 1664. I was furnished with 
 glittering testimonials from the professors of both 
 the sciences 1 had studied, but was extremely bare 
 of money; a fate which I had in common with all 
 other Norwegian students, who generally return 
 pennyless from the temple of the Muses. The 
 
 B 
 
wind was favourable, and after a fortunate passage 
 of three days, I arrived at my native town, Bergen. 
 I was more learned, but certainly not richer ; 
 and for some time after my return home, I sub- 
 sisted on the kind support of my friends and rela- 
 tions. Although I lived in this beggarly sort of a 
 way, I never spent my time in idleness ; for, in 
 order to extend my knowledge in natural philo- 
 sophy, in the study of which I had already made 
 some proficiency, I carefully and diligently exa- 
 mined the interior nature of the country, and parti- 
 cularly of the mountains ; to attain which end, I 
 rambled into every nook and corner in the province. 
 There was no cliff so steep and craggy, that I 
 hesitated to climb ; no hole or pit so deep and fright- 
 ful, into which I paused to descend ; with the hope 
 of discovering something or other that might be 
 worthy the attention and examination of the physio- 
 logist. 
 
 Certain it is, that my native country abounds in a 
 variety of things, that we not only never see, but 
 even never once hear spoken of; which, if disco- 
 vered in France, Italy, Germany, or in any other 
 country that knows how to profit by, and magnify its 
 fecundity into prodigies, the learned world would 
 soon have been filled with endless treatises, and the 
 philosoplier with insatiate desire of reading. 
 
8 
 
 Among divers extraordinary tilings, that which 
 struck me as the most remarkable, was a hole or 
 cavern on the top of a mountain, called by the 
 country-folks Mount Floien (the Weather-cock 
 Mountain). Round the orifice, there circulated a 
 soft and not unpleasant breeze, occasioned by the 
 circumambient air being drawn into the hole, and 
 again expelled w^ith a continual groaning ; which 
 afforded the literati of Bergen, and particularly the 
 renowned Abelin, and the profoundly-skilled astro- 
 nomer and natural philosopher, Magister Edward, 
 conrector of the Latin School, an opportunity of 
 encouraging their countrymen, — as they were too 
 old and too feeble for the enterprise, — to a close in- 
 vestigation of the peculiar nature of this hole. It 
 appeared to them the more deserving of the atten- 
 tive philosopher's research, as it really had, from 
 time immemorial, much resembled a snoring man, 
 who witli vehemence inhales the air which his lungs 
 have just expelled. 
 
 Stimulated not less by the encouragement of 
 these great men than by my own natural inclina- 
 tion, I meditated on a descent into the hole ; and 
 unbosomed my design to some of my most intimate 
 friends, who were struck with surprise and astonish- 
 ment, exclaiming, that a person who would execute 
 such a project, could not be far short of being both 
 
 B 2 
 
frantic and desperate. Their remonstrances, how- 
 ever, on me were entirely lost; and instead of 
 abating my once-kindled desire, they only served 
 to fan the flame. My inclination led, and my indi- 
 gent circumstances urged me to the study of nature, 
 in spite of every danger that might attend it. 
 Always destitute of money, and living on another's 
 charity, became daily more and more insupportable 
 to me ; and I had the dismal prospect before my 
 eyes of unalterable poverty ; seeing every road to 
 honour and preferment in my own country closed 
 against me : unless, through some desperate and 
 hazardous achievement, worthy of public regard, I 
 should succeed in again opening them. 
 
 My resolution, after mature consideration, being 
 firmly fixed, I prepared every thing necessary for 
 the enterprise, and sallied forth from the town one 
 Thursday morning at day-break, the weather being 
 beautiful and serene. The reason of my setting 
 out so early was, that I might be at home again 
 in the afternoon, when my work was finished. 
 How little did I then think, that I, like a second 
 Phaeton, 
 
 Plunging headlong tLrough the air in whizzing turns, 
 Precipitated on another globe, 
 Should not, till after ten years' woful tossing, 
 Behold my country a"d my friends again ! 
 
This expedition was undertaken in the year 1665; 
 when Hans Munthc and Lars Soerensen were the 
 burgomasters, and Christian Bertelsen and Lars 
 Sand were senators of Bergen. Four labourers 
 attended me with rope and boat-hooks, which I 
 might need in the descent. We proceeded direct 
 to Sandwig, where the mountain is tlie easiest of 
 ascent ; and having reached the summit, we sat 
 down a few moments and breakfasted, not far from 
 the fatal hole. It was here that my heart first began 
 to misgive me, and feel as if it anticipated some 
 approaching disaster. I turned me round to my com- 
 panions : " Which of you," said I, " will now first 
 break the ice ?" but received no answer. At this, 
 my half-extinguished courage flamed anew : I suf- 
 fered the rope to be fastened round my body, and 
 made every preparation for the descent ; first, how- 
 ever, recommending my soul fervently to the Al- 
 mighty. My devotions being ended, I was then 
 lowered gently into the orifice, after having first 
 given my attendants the necessary directions what 
 they were to do : namely, I ordered them to con- 
 tinue to veer away the rope until they should hoar 
 me bawl, at which signal they were to stop ; and if 
 I continued to bawl, they were, in that case, to hoist 
 me up again with all speed. I held a boat-hook in 
 my right hand, for the purpose therewith of pushing 
 away any obstruction to my descent, and at the 
 
6 
 
 same time to guide myself in the centre of the hole; 
 and in this manner I was let to glide softly down. 
 But scarce had I descended more than eleven or 
 twelve yards, when the rope snapped. I conjec- 
 tured immediately what misfortune had befallen me, 
 from the sudden how^ling and lamentations of the 
 four men above ; which, however, quickly vanished, 
 as I, with wonderful velocity, shot down into the 
 dark abyss, and, like another Pluto, 
 
 Sank into the bowels of the yawning earth ; 
 
 with the exception, that, instead of a sceptre, I liad 
 but a boat-hook in my hand. 
 
 I had now been plunging through thick darkness 
 and incessant night for the space of a quarter of an 
 hour, as near as I was able to guess whilst in such 
 a perturbation ; when, at length, I perceived a faint 
 glimmering, much resembling a kind of twilight ; 
 and quickly afterwards, I could distinctly see a 
 serene and bright firmament. I at first, in my sim- 
 plicity, imagined that, either by the repercussion of 
 the subterraneous air, or some such other adverse 
 wind, I was again blown up ; and that the hole, in 
 sending forth its breath, had thrown me back upon 
 the earth. Bat, as the sun, the firmament, and the 
 stars, which I saw, were much smaller than those we 
 are accustomed to behold, I was completely at a 
 
loss to assign a cause for this singular phenomenon. 
 I then thought, that the whole of this new celestial 
 constmeture must either be produced by a dizziness 
 in my head, and a confused imagination, arising 
 from the perplexity of my disordered brain ; or that 
 I must be dead, and conveyed to the mansions of 
 the blessed. This last ridiculous idea, however, I 
 quickly detected, on perceiving myself armed with a 
 boat-hook, and dragging a long rope after me, well 
 conceiving that neither rope nor hook was a necessary 
 appendage to possess on my arrival in Paradise ; and 
 that the celestial inhabitants could never possibly 
 approve of such like ornaments, with which I might 
 be inclined, after the example of the giants, to storm 
 heaven, and drive away the gods. Some consider- 
 able time after, when I had seriously reflected on 
 the matter, I conceived that I must have descended 
 to the subterraneous heavens ; and that the opinions 
 of those persons who maintain that the earth is 
 hollow, and that within its shell there is another 
 and a smaller world, with a smaller sun, smaller 
 planets, and smaller stars, all in due proportion, 
 connexion, and systematic arrangement, must be 
 well founded. Events proved that I had conjectured 
 right. 
 
 My course downwards having now continued 
 pretty long, I began to experience tliat the rapidity 
 
8 
 
 \tith which I was at first precipitated, gradually 
 abated as I approached the planet, or celestia! 
 globe, which I perceived soon after my accelerated 
 descent. As I drew nearer, it appeared visibly to 
 increase in bulk ; so that at length I could discern, 
 although through a cloudy atmosphere that sur- 
 rounded it, both seas, hills, and valleys, upon its 
 surface : 
 
 Like birds which hover round the muscle-clad rocks, 
 Or soar 'twixt mountains' pinnacles, or billows' tops. 
 Or on light wing flirt o'er the briny deep ; 
 So, 'twixt earth and heaven, hung ray body suspense. 
 
 I became now fully sensible that I was not only 
 suspended and dangling in the celestial air, but that 
 the perpendicular line, in which 1 had hitherto 
 (descended, was now changed into a circle. At this 
 discovery I must acknowledge that my hair stood 
 on end, fearing, as I did, that I must be meta- 
 morphosed either into a planet or a satellite, to be 
 twirled round in perpetual motion until the world's 
 end. When I considered, however, a little within 
 myself, tliat my reputation and honour were in no 
 wise likely to be tarnished through such a circum- 
 stance, and that a celestial globe, or at least the 
 satellite of a celestial globe, always proceeding in 
 planetary order, was, at any time, able to out-lustre 
 
and eclipse a poor hungry Studiosus Philosophise, ray 
 spirits again revived ; and the more so, when I ex- 
 perienced that the celestial air in which I hung, had 
 so strongly fortified me against the cravings of na- 
 ture, that I felt neither hunger nor thirst. I just 
 then remembered that I had a biscuit in my pocket : 
 I took it out, merely to try, out of curiosity, whether 
 in that condition I could relish it ; but on taking the 
 first mouthful, I quickly perceived that all earthly 
 food w^as become entirely nauseous ; I therefore 
 cast it from me, as a useless incumbrance. How 
 great was my amazement on this occasion, when I 
 discovered that the biscuit not only hung dangling 
 in the air, but, — O wonderful to relate ! — began to 
 describe around me a planetary orbit. This gave 
 me a clear conception of the true laws of motion, 
 according to which, all bodies placed in equipoise 
 must move in circles. 
 
 How much soever I was dejected but a short 
 time previous, at seeing myself a ball before mock- 
 ing fate, I was now, on the other hand, equally elated 
 on beholding myself exalted, not only to a self- 
 subsistent planet, but to such a one even as would 
 always be attended by a moon ; and therefore ought 
 to be ranked among stars of the first magnitude, or 
 planets of the first order. In acknowledging the 
 whole of my vain imbecility, I must needs say, that 
 
10 
 
 J was so immoderately inflated by this good fortune, 
 tliat had I then met with all the burgomasters and 
 all the senators of Bergen, I would merely have 
 vouchsafed them a single glance, in order to have 
 looked down upon them as insignificant atoms ; nor 
 would I have deigned to incline my hook, much less 
 to bow my head, before them. 
 
 In this state I remained three whole days. As I 
 was continually carried round by and with the planet, 
 which was now at no very immense distance from 
 me, I could easily distinguish the day from the 
 night, through observing the rising and setting of 
 the subterraneous sun ; though, after he was gone 
 down, I never remarked any such nights as we 
 experience on earth ; for when this bright luminary 
 was even far below the horizon, the heavens every- 
 where still continued light and shining, very similar 
 to the full moon with us. This brightness, I con- 
 cluded, must be reflected from the internal vault or 
 hemisphere of this world ; which borrowed its light 
 from the sun placed in the centre. A superficial 
 knowledge of astronomy assisted me in drawing 
 this inference. 
 
 But the most ridiculous part of my conduct, whilst 
 in the midst of enjoying this happy condition, 
 perhaps, was, that I looked upon myself to be ihe 
 
11 
 
 next after the immortal gods ; and as I considered 
 myself in the quality of a new celestial light, I 
 made my account of speedily being introduced, toge- 
 ther with my satellite, into the catalogue of stars, 
 by the astronomers upon the globe below ;— when, 
 lo I appeared a most hideous and terrific winged 
 monster, which first threatened my right side, and 
 then my left, now my front, and afterwards my rear, 
 with the blow of annihilation. In the beginning, as 
 it approached me, I took it to be one of the twelve 
 signs of the Zodiac ; and secretly wished in my heart, 
 if that really were the case, that it might be the 
 Virgin ; for, out of the whole constellation-system, 
 no one, save her, could, in that solitude, show me 
 the smallest particle of motherhood, or afford me 
 the least consolation. As this creature, however, 
 drew nearer to me, I perceived that it was neither 
 more nor less than a huge and frightful griffin. I 
 was, in consequence of this discovery, so stupified, 
 and so overtaken with fear, that I nearly forgot 
 myself and my new celestial dignity ; and, in my 
 inexpressible anxiety and perplexity of mind, I 
 drew out the testimonials I had received from the 
 University, which, as good luck would have it to be, 
 were then in my pocket, to exhibit to this dreadful 
 menacing enemy, and to prove to him that I pos- 
 sessed both my theological and philosophical exa- 
 men ; was student, and, what is more, was Bacca- 
 
12 
 
 laureuSf and able to repulse any foreign adversary 
 in excipiendo forum. As soon, however, as the 
 "first heat of my passion vras over, I gradually re- 
 covered my reason, and laughed heartily at the 
 folly of which I was guilty. 
 
 I could still not clearly perceive for what purpose 
 this griffin followed me. I knew not whether to 
 look upon him as an enemy, or consider him as a 
 friend ; or to believe — which appeared very pro- 
 bable — that, merely to satisfy his curiosity, he was 
 inclined to indulge himself a little in contemplating 
 my form. True it is, that a human body, suspended 
 in the air, with a boat-hook in his hand, and drag- 
 ging a long rope after him, would be a sufficiently 
 ludicrous sight to attract any man, or brute beast, to 
 stop and gaze at it. The extraordinary figure that 
 I then cut, occasioned, as I afterwards learnt, the 
 inhabitants on my side of the planet, to hold divers 
 controversial colloquies, and to form several hypo- 
 theses concerning me. The philosophers and astro- 
 nomers took me to be a comet, and judged the rope 
 to be the comet's tail. Many even insisted, that 
 such an uncommon appearance in the heavens must 
 certainly portend some imminent calamity, not 
 short of pestilence, famine, or some other direful 
 and remarkable event. Others acrain went much 
 further, — even far beyond the possibility of observa- 
 
13 
 
 tion, — and with much precision delineated my form ; 
 so that before my arrival on the globe, I was already 
 defined, described, painted, and even engraved on 
 copper. 
 
 All this T afterwards heard mentioned with inward 
 merriment, and a sort of tickling delight, when I 
 had been for some time upon the planet, and had 
 learned the subterraneous language. It is here 
 worthy of being remarked, that there are in the 
 interior of the earth certain extraordinary stars, 
 which suddenly appear, and again as suddenly 
 vanish ; and wliich are denominated Scissici (or the 
 hairy). They are described as being very hideous, 
 with blood-red hair standing upright on their heads, 
 similar to hogs' bristles, and having a tail much 
 resembling a long shaggy beard ; they are there- 
 fore reckoned by the natives, even as they would be 
 with us, among the celestial w^onders. 
 
 But to the history again. The griffin had now 
 approached near enough to attack me with his 
 wings ; and was even on the point of assaulting me 
 with his foot ; so that I could plainly discern with 
 what view he paid me a visit. I therefore com- 
 menced acting on the defensive against this formida- 
 ble and warlike enemy ; took the boat-hook in both 
 my hands, and not only with it parried off his 
 
14 
 
 audacious attacks, but forced him even at times to 
 retreat in haste ; until at length, after many a fruit- 
 less blow, whilst he continued still to tug at me, I 
 succeeded in passing the hook between his wings, 
 and sticking it into the nape of his neck with such 
 force, that I was unable to draw it out again. I'he 
 wounded monster, with a frightful shriek, now hur- 
 ried headlong down to the planet below ; and I, who 
 was already weary of, and disgusted with, my new 
 celestial astro-dignity, — perceiving that it, like 
 every other greatness and excellence, was exposed 
 to subversion and total decay, — 
 
 Now, with the griffin, which was earthward-bound. 
 Did carelessly descend. As from the astral throng 
 A lucid star doth seem to guide its course along 
 Th' etherial vault, — thus sank I to the ground. 
 
 And in this manner was the circle which I had 
 lately described once more changed into a perpendi- 
 cular line. 
 
 After being carried down, in the beginning, some- 
 what violently against the thicker air, the whizzing 
 whereof, for a length of time, completely stunned 
 my hearing, I came with an easy and harmless fall 
 down upon the globe, together with the griflin, who 
 died soon after of his wounds. 
 
15 
 
 When I arrived upon this planet, I judged it to 
 be night, merely from the absence of the sun, and 
 not from the darkness ; for it was even then so light 
 that I could distinctly read every letter in my testi- 
 monials. This nocturnal light is reflected from the 
 firmament, or the innermost shell of our earth; 
 the one half of w^hich shines like our full moon. In 
 respect of the brilliancy of the light, there is, for 
 the reason stated, scarcely any difference between 
 day and night ; except in so far, that the sun is 
 away during the nights, and on that account they 
 are somewhat colder than the days. 
 
16 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 TIIE author's arrival AMONG THE INHABITANTS UPON 
 THE PLANET NAZAR. 
 
 My aerial voyage being ended, and I having 
 now reached the planet both safe and sound, witli- 
 out even the most trivial hurt — since the speed with 
 which the griffin in the beginning shot down, by 
 degrees abated, as his strength grew weaker, — 1 
 lay for some time motionless on the ground, await- 
 ing the arrival of day, to see what novelty might 
 present itself to view. I now remarked that my 
 former humem weakness again began to manifest 
 itself, and I felt come upon me both drowsiness 
 and hunger ; bitterly regretting that I had thrown 
 away the biscuit. Wearied out with these, and a 
 multitude of otlier troubles, I at length fell into a 
 profound sleep. 
 
 I had reposed for the space of two hours, as near 
 as I could guess, when a frightful growling, or 
 
17 
 
 lowing, which had long disturbed my slumbers, 
 entirely awoke me. Whilst asleep, I had had 
 many wonderful dreams. Among other strange 
 things, I dreamed that I was again arrived in Nor- 
 way ; and was then engaged in relating to the 
 people, in the streets and lanes, my marvellous 
 adventures. I afterwards thought that I was in 
 the church at Fanoe, not far from Bergen, and 
 listening to the singing of the parish-clerk, Niels 
 Andersen, whose croaking voice, as usual, mise- 
 rably annoyed my acoustic organs. On aw^aking, 
 for some time I really imagined that it was this 
 man's howling which had interrupted my sleep. 
 But as 1 at the same instant descried a bull stand- 
 ing very near to me, I concluded that it must have 
 been his growling which had awaked me. 
 
 The day had dawned, and the rising sun began 
 to gild the verdant oaks and fertile fields, which, in 
 beautiful luxuriance and variety, everywhere spread 
 and extended themselves before my astonished 
 sight. I perceived, at no great distance, some few 
 trees in a cluster ; but how great was my amaze- 
 ment when I observed them moving to and fro, not- 
 withstanding that it was so perfectly calm that there 
 was not wind enough even to have moved a feather. 
 Seeing the bull now come growling towards me, I 
 fled in haste, quaking with fright, to a tree which 
 
 c 
 
18 
 
 was standing not far from me, and endeavoured in 
 my anxiety to ascend it. Scarcely, however, had 
 I got rightly up, when it gave an effeminate, but 
 shrill and piercing shriek, similar to that of an 
 exasperated woman ; and I, at the same time, re- 
 ceived such a violent box on the ear, that a dimness 
 came immediately before my eyes, and I fell head- 
 long to the ground. I lay as if entranced, or struck 
 by lightning, and ready to yield up the ghost ; 
 when all around me I heard a buzzing and mut- 
 tering noise, very like the hubbub and confusion 
 made by the stock-jobbers on the Exchange, when 
 warmly engaged in the buying and selling of stock. 
 I opened my eyes, — as I was not dead, — and saw 
 the field all about me swarming with trees ; where, 
 but a short time before, I had only remarked six or 
 seven. Nothing could equal the amazement with 
 which I was filled, on finding myself thus in the 
 midst of a living forest ; my head became dizzy, 
 and I was ready to weep with terror and alarm. 
 I at first thought I must be dreaming, notwith- 
 standing I was perfectly awake. Then I imagined 
 myself to be in the midst of an assemblage of 
 apparitions, or surrounded by evil spirits ; and 
 divers other such like incoherencics entered my 
 head. I had, however, but little time to contem- 
 plate the nature of, or meditate on the cause of, 
 these automatons ; for a second tree hastily ap- 
 
19 
 
 proaclied me, bent down one of its branches, the 
 extremity of which was armed with six twigs, that 
 answered the purpose of fingers, raised me sud- 
 denly from the ground, and bore me away, in 
 spite of all my piteous and doleful lamentations. 
 Innumerable other trees, of various sorts and sizes, 
 followed. They uttered certain articulate sounds, 
 which to me were entirely foreign ; and whereof I 
 could only retain in my memory the two w^ords, 
 Pikel Emi — of which they made very frequent use- 
 The signification of these words is, an extra- 
 ordinary baboon; and such was the appellation 
 they bestowed on me; as they concluded, from my 
 shape and dress, that I must be a species of ape ; 
 although of a different kind from those apes which 
 are common in their country. Several imagined 
 me to be an inhabitant of the firmament, and con- 
 ceived that the birds must have conveyed me thither; 
 averring, that the annals of their planet could fully 
 testify, that like circumstances had frequently hap- 
 pened before. All this came to my knowledge a 
 few months after, when I had learned the sub- 
 terraneous language. 
 
 In my present situation, I was so far from com- 
 prehending the nature of these living and speaking 
 trees, that, through fright and consternation, I even 
 nearly forgot my own. .Just as little was I able io 
 
 c2 
 
20 
 
 conceive, what this procession, which moved forward 
 with slow and solemn step, should betoken ; 
 though, from the hasty, and apparently indignant 
 mumbling, muttering, and grumbling, which every 
 where resounded through the field, I could not hope 
 for much good. The offence with which I was 
 charged, I concluded from the circumstances, must 
 really be well founded ; for the tree, into which I, 
 in my anxiety, when I fled from the bull, began to 
 ascend, was neither more nor less than the Sheriff's 
 wife of the neighbouring city. The injured per- 
 son's dignified character, tended infinitely to add to 
 the aggravation of my crime ; for it appeared that 
 I was inclined to violate the person, not of a woman 
 of the lower order, but of a lady of the highest 
 rank ; and that, too, in the open field, and in the 
 presence of divers eye-witnesses : an entirely new 
 and horrid sight for such a modest, chaste, virtuous, 
 and well-bred people as they are. At length we 
 arrived in the city, whither I was brought a prisoner. 
 The houses of it had the appearance, not only of 
 magnificence, but its divisions, its streets and lanes, 
 were distinguished for their evenness, order, and 
 symmetry. All the buildings were so lofty and 
 majestic, that they might be compared with so manv 
 towers or steeples. The streets swarmed with 
 trees, all promenading, which in passing saluted 
 each other by bowing down their branches ; and 
 
21 
 
 the lower they bent them, the greater was the proof 
 of esteem, respect, and veneration. Just then there 
 came, accidentally, out of a particularly magnificent 
 house, a remarkably fine oak ; when all the other 
 trees immediately receded, bowing down, in like 
 manner, most of their branches ; from which one 
 might infer, that it was more than an ordinary per- 
 son. I discovered soon after, that it was the Sheriff 
 of the city ; the reputation of whose wife, it was 
 alleged, I so greatly had injured. In the mean 
 time, I was conducted into a saloon in the said 
 Sheriff's house. As soon as I had entered, the door 
 was locked after me, and strongly barricaded ; on 
 which occasion, I might have congratulated myself 
 on being admitted a member of the Rasping-House 
 (Bridewell). My fear respecting the not-to-be- 
 envied situation wherein I was placed, was still the 
 more confirmed, on my observing on the outside, 
 in the front of the house, three trees walking to and 
 fro, as guards ; each being armed with six axes, one 
 for every branch ; for they possessed, in lieu of 
 arms, so many branches, and in lieu of fingers, so 
 many twigs. I remarked that on the top of each 
 stem or trunk of the trees, a head was placed, which 
 much resembled the human head ; and underneath, 
 instead of roots, they had each two legs, but so short, 
 that tortoises might vie with the inhabitants of this 
 planet in running. It would have been an easy 
 
99 
 
 matter for me, in case I had not been incarcerated, 
 to escape, if opportunity liad offered ; as 1 certainly 
 was able to fly, in comparison with these runners. 
 
 In fine, not to detain the curious reader any 
 longer, I now evidently perceived, that these trees 
 were not only the inhabitants of this planet, but 
 that they were also rational beings ; and I admired 
 the variety with which nature charms, in her multi- 
 farious and mutable forms in the creation. These 
 trees are not near so tall as the trees with us, for 
 the greatest number do not exceed the height of a 
 man ; and some are even much shorter, which 
 might be compared with flowers or plants : these I 
 concluded must be children. 
 
 It is inconceivable into what a labyrinth of 
 meditation these phenomena led my thoughts ; how 
 many sighs vrere extorted from my bosom, and 
 with what painful hankering and longing, I, while in 
 this condition, called to remembrance my beloved 
 father-land. Although these extraordinary trees 
 appeared to be social beings, since they were gifted 
 with the use of speech, and endowed with so much 
 reason that they might be classed among rational 
 animals, still I doubted whether they could be con- 
 fronted with the human race ; and at the same time 
 teai'ed that justice, benevolence, and such other 
 
23 
 
 moral virtues, were entirely unknown to them. I 
 was so completely absorbed in these tormenting 
 reflections, that my bowels yearned, and the tears 
 started and ran down my cheeks in continual 
 streams. Whilst I thus, in the most effeminate 
 manner, was giving vent to my sorrow, and crouch- 
 ing under the weight of my afllictions, the guards, 
 whom, because of the axes which they bore, I 
 took to be lictors, entered my prison ; whence I 
 was conducted, preceded by them, to a distinguished 
 building, situated in the centre of the market-place. 
 I now looked upon myself in the light of .one who 
 had attained to the dignified office of dictator — more 
 eminent than any Roman consul ; for he was 
 honoured only with twelve axes in his retinue, 
 whilst I,, on the contrary, advanced with eighteen 
 preceding me. At the door of the edifice, whither 
 I was conducted, stood Justice, carved out in the 
 form of a tree, holding a balance in one of its 
 branches. It was shaped after the figure of a virgin, 
 ■with an air of importance and rigid inflexibility ; 
 and with a sharp and piercing look, whose mien 
 was neither forbidding nor defying, but was distin- 
 guished hy a certain mournful gravity. From this 
 I concluded, without falling into error, that the 
 •building was the Town- Hall. I was now led into 
 the Justice-room, the floor of which was paved with 
 
24 
 
 quadrangular highly polished marble slabs of various 
 colours. Here I perceived a golden chair, resem- 
 bling a judgment-seat, upon which sat a tree 
 exalted in the midst of twelve assessors, or ])enchers ; 
 who, in becoming and suitable order, were seated, in 
 like manner, on so many lower chairs, six on each 
 side of the Lord Chief Justice. This great personage 
 was a palm-tree of the middle stature; but was dis- 
 tinguishable from the other judges by the variety of 
 its leaves, which possessed every colour in nature. 
 The whole were surrounded by four and twenty 
 lictors, each of whom was armed with six axes. 
 It is impossible for me to describe the terror and 
 consternation into which I was thrown, on beholding 
 these persons arrayed in such warlike and formida- 
 ble order; concluding therefrom, that this nation 
 must be excessively cruel and blood-thirsty. 
 
 On my entering the Justice-room, all the judges, 
 senators, counsellors, and others, rose from their 
 seats, and raised their branches high in the air ; after 
 which religious ceremony, they again seated them- 
 selves. This being finished, I was then arraigned 
 at the bar, between two trees, the trunks of which 
 were clad in sheep-skins. I conjectured that these 
 must be the pleading barristers, which really proved 
 to be the case. 
 
23 
 
 Before the trial proceeded, the head of the Lord 
 Chief Justice was enveloped in a sort of black 
 covering. This being done, the accusing barrister, 
 in opening the case, made a short speech, which he 
 repeated three times ; to which my advocate replied 
 in a like manner, and equally concise. To these 
 speeches followed a perfect silence. This having 
 continued for about the space of half an hour, the 
 Lord Chief Justice, after first suffering the envelope 
 which covered his face to be taken away, rose from 
 his seat, and lifting up his branches towards heaven, 
 pronounced, with much suspension of voice and 
 great emphasis, some words, which I imagined to 
 be the sentence against me. When he had deli- 
 vered his speech, or address, I was immediately re- 
 conducted to my former prison ; expecting that ere 
 long I should receive a severe chastisement, in the 
 form of a flogging on my bare posteriors, at the 
 cart's tail. 
 
 In this my solitary confinement, I reflected on all 
 the events which had lately come to pass, and really 
 inwardly ridiculed the folly and simplicity of this 
 people ; for that which they had recently been doing, 
 seemed to me much more like performing a farce than 
 conducting a criminal process ; and all that I had ob- 
 served of their attitudes, gestures, ornaments, and 
 mode of legal procedure, appeared to me more suit- 
 
26 
 
 &ble for jugglers and ballet-dancers, than to be intro- 
 duced into the solemn and most liigh court of judica- 
 ture. I afterwards brought to mind the great difler- 
 «nce between things here and on our globe ; and was 
 then, — and not till then, — fully sensible of the pre- 
 eminence of the Europeans over all other human 
 beings. Notwithstanding 1 condemned in my heart 
 the stupidity, and pitied the intellectual deficiency, 
 of this subterraneous nation, still I could not deny 
 to them a rank above the brute creation ; for the 
 beautiful appearance of their city, the symmetry of 
 the buildings, together with various other things 
 which I observed, evidently proved, that these trees 
 were neither entirely deficient in reason, nor totally 
 ignorant of certain principal mechanical arts. I 
 conceived, however, that that was all that I could 
 fairly advance in their praise. 
 
 Whilst I, in this manner, was meditating, and 
 talking softly to myself, the door of my prison was 
 opened, and a male tree entered, having in his hand 
 a triangular surgical instrument, with which he, 
 after having unbuttoned my bosom and bared my 
 arm, very skilfully made an incision, or rather, by 
 an act of pertusion, struck a hole into the middle 
 vein. When he had taken from me as much blood 
 as he conceived enough, he again bound up the arm, 
 with equal dexterity, surveyed the blood with much 
 
27 
 
 attention, and, whilst betraying evident signs of 
 wonder and amazement, he went silently away. 
 All this tended more and more to confirm the opi- 
 nion I had formed of this people's disordered intel- 
 lects. But some time after, when I had learned the 
 subterraneous language, and acquired a clear con- 
 ception of all these matters, my contempt for them 
 was changed into admiration. The practice of the 
 court of judicature, which I so inconsiderately had 
 censured, was explained to me in the following 
 way. From the shape of my body, as well as from 
 my figure altogether, it w^as supposed that I was an 
 inhabitant of the firmament. It appeared that I 
 had attempted to violate the person of a modest 
 and virtuous lady of the highest rank ; and for that 
 aggravated misdemeanour, of which all surmise 
 judged me guilty, I was conducted to the senate- 
 house. One of the pleading barristers had much 
 exaggerated my offence ; — maintaining that I ought 
 to suffer the punishment which the law awards. 
 The other, on the contrary, did not entirely depre- 
 cate the punishment ; but suggested and advised 
 that it should be deferred, until it was fully ascer- 
 tained who I was, whence 1 came, and whether I 
 was of the brute creation or a rational being. The 
 raising up of the branches towards heaven, I was 
 informed, was a customary religious ceremony, 
 which was always obsei-ved before the scnten-ce was 
 
28 
 
 passed upon any delinquent. The pleaders were 
 clothed in sheep-skins — emblematic of innocence— 
 to remind them of the uprightness and integrity 
 which they ought to exhibit in the treatment of any 
 action at law. And really I remarked tliat all the 
 barristers in this place were upright and irreproach- 
 able characters ; a circumstance which clearly 
 proves, that it is possible, in a well-regulated state, 
 to find both honest and honourable advocates. The 
 statutes in that country are so rigid against cavillers 
 and misinterpreters, or perverters of the law, that 
 no quirks, chicanery, insidiousness, or partiality, 
 can be defended or palliated ; no knavery or dis- 
 honesty can be deprecated ; and no delinquent can 
 escape punishment. It is as impossible for a cri- 
 minal to elude pursuit, as it is for him to find a 
 refuge, or a person willing to afford him harbour. 
 
 The three-fold repetition of their speeches, was 
 in consequence of this people's peculiarly dull 
 powers of apprehension, which distinguished them 
 from every other nation upon that planet ; for but 
 very few of them possessed faculty sufficient to 
 understand that which they had carelessly read, or 
 to comprehend what they had only once heard re- 
 lated. It was looked upon, that those persons who 
 were capable of immediately understanding a com- 
 mon proposition, must necessarily lack judgment; 
 
29 
 
 therefore, people of quick perceptive faculties were 
 seldom or never selected for any great or important 
 employment. Experience had taught them to know, 
 that the republic had always been on the totter 
 when under the administration of clever heads, — 
 better and more generally known by the appella- 
 tion of great geniuses, — and that men of a slow, 
 or, as they were sarcastically denominated, of a dull 
 apprehension, had invariably restored things to 
 order, which the former had completely entangled. 
 To these extraordinary opinions, I could at first by 
 no means yield my assent ; but, nevertheless, after 
 serious reflection, they appeared not to be so entirely 
 inconsistent. What excited my astonishment the 
 most, was the history of the Lord Chief Justice. 
 That personage was a virgin, who was born and 
 educated in the place, and was appointed by the 
 Regent to the office of Kaki, or Chief Judge of the 
 city. It must here be remarked, that this people, 
 in nominating any person to fill a high public situa- 
 tion, never take the sex into account ; but, after a 
 strict examination of his or her abilities, confide the 
 affairs of the state to the most worthy person among 
 those, whose capacity has been brought under consi- 
 deration and found appropriate to the task. In 
 order to judge rightly of every one's qualifications 
 and talents, seminaries are established, the super- 
 intendents or inspectors of which are called Karatti; 
 
30 
 
 which word, in their language, signifies essayers or 
 examiners. Their occupation is that of watching 
 the progress and diligence in learning of every one 
 under their care ; of penetrating into, and exa- 
 mining strictly, the general state of the minds, and 
 natural bent of the dispositions, of the young stu- 
 dents; and afterwards to hold a Probation, and once 
 a year to deliver to the Prince a designation of such 
 as are qualified to fill public situations ; distinguish- 
 ing in which branch of education each person has 
 made proficiency, and in particular excels, and in 
 what employment he or she could be of the greatest 
 advantage to the ftither-land. After the Prince is 
 put in possession of the list of candidates, he causes 
 their names to be inscribed in a book kept for that 
 purpose ; so that he can daily call to mind, and have 
 before his eyes, those whom he thinks meet to pro- 
 mote to the vacant situations. 
 
 The virgin above-mentioned, had, four years 
 before, obtained the distinguishing and commend- 
 ing attestation from the Karntli; and was, in conse- 
 quence, appointed by the Prince to the office of Chief 
 Judge in the senate — and that, too, of her native city ; 
 a practice which the inhabitants of Potu think verj' 
 religiously of; — conceiving that no person can know 
 the internal state and condition of a municipality so 
 well as those who wore born and brought up in the 
 
31 
 
 midst of it. Her name was Palmka; and had now 
 for the space of three years discharged the duties of 
 her office with such rigidity, that she had thereby 
 attained to the higliest degree of renown. She was 
 everywhere looked upon as the most profoundly 
 learned, wise, and judicious tree of the whole city ; 
 for her powers of apprehension were so extremely 
 dull, that she hardly ever understood any case 
 or subject, — and then not without much trouble 
 and difficulty, — unless it was repeated to her 
 three or four times. But having once formed a 
 conception of it, she, with surprising discern- 
 ment, penetrated quickly to the bottom, decided 
 the most difficult points, and solved the most 
 abstruse problems with so much judgment, that 
 all her verdicts were considered as so many 
 oracles. 
 
 Like Themis, she in the even balance poised 
 Preponderating justice against fraud ; 
 And she distinguish'd truth's peculiar rays 
 From falsehood's borrow'd lustre, — goddess- like. 
 
 Slie, therefore, during the whole time she had filled 
 her important situation, had never pronounced any 
 decree, or passed any sentence, that was not ex- 
 tolled to the skies, and confirmed by the Supreme 
 Council of State in Potu. 
 
32 
 
 This caused me to perceive, on a closer examina- 
 tion and reflection, that the Potuites, through not 
 excluding the fair sex from office, howbeit, did not 
 act so Bedlamitish as I at first imagined. I thought 
 to myself; suppose the Sheriff's wife of Bergen 
 were to sit in judgment in the senate, instead of 
 her husband ; or counsellor Severin's daughter— a 
 well-spoken, clever, and witty young lady — were 
 to plead instead of her stupid and dolter-headed 
 father ; perhaps jurisprudence, by the bye, might 
 not, in consequence, sustain any considerable loss, 
 nor justice and equity so often fall into qualms and 
 fainting fits. 
 
 I even went deeper in my meditations, and re- 
 flected on the precipitate dispatch used in our Courts 
 of justice in Europe — particularly in the Courts of 
 Revision or Chancery, — and considered the expedi- 
 tious manner wherein trials are frequently hurried 
 through, and sentences passed ; the latter of which, 
 on a closer investigation of the relative matter, 
 would, in all probability, run the risk of being 
 annulled. 
 
 For their having proceeded to open one of my 
 veins, in the manner already described, they gave 
 the following reason. When any person is convicted 
 of a crime, instead of flogging, maiming, or behead- 
 
33 
 
 ing such a malefactor, he is ordered to be bled ; to 
 ascertain whether the offence was committed with 
 malice aforethought, or whether it was prompted by 
 some irregularity in the blood, or disorder in the 
 fluids of the body. If either, or both of the latter, a 
 cure of the indisposition is endeavoured to be 
 effected ; in order that the legal process may have 
 for its end, the more of reformation than of punish- 
 ment : nevertheless, it is always considered an ig- 
 nominy, to be sentenced by the Council to be phle- 
 botomized. In case any one who has undergone 
 this correction, should a second time be found guilty 
 of any offence, he is then condemned as an unworthy 
 member of the state, and banished to the firmament ; 
 where all, without distinction, are admitted. Re- 
 garding the condition of this exile, I shall hereafter 
 give some farther elucidation. 
 
 The cause of the surprise, which the surgeon who 
 bled me exhibited, on beholding my blood, was, that 
 the inhabitants of that planet, instead of blood, have 
 a transparent whitish fluid in their veins ; which, in 
 proportion to the more or less whiteness that it pos- 
 sesses, is considered a greater or less indication of 
 guilt, or purity and innocence. 
 
 Of all these matters, I formed a clear conception, 
 when I had acquired a knowledge of the subter- 
 
 D 
 
34 
 
 ranous language ; and consequently began to en- 
 tertain a more favourable opinion of this nation, 
 which I inconsiderately had held in so much con- 
 tempt. I remarked, that these trees, which in 
 the beginning T took to be both stupid and clown- 
 ish, had a moderately good colouring of humanity 
 about them ; I therefore felt no apprehension for 
 the safety of my life ; and became the more 
 confirmed in the confidence I entertained, on see- 
 ing them twice a day bring me something to 
 subsist upon. My food consisted, generally, of 
 fruit, herbs, and all sorts of beans ; and my 
 drink was a clear, sweet, and exceedingly delicious 
 juice. 
 
 The Sheriff, in whose house I remained a prisoner, 
 caused it to be immediately communicated to the 
 Prince, who resided at his palace not far from the 
 cit}', that he, by accident, had become possessed of 
 a rational animal, of a most extraordinary shape and 
 species. This information, as it may be imagined, 
 naturally excited the curiosity of his illustrious 
 Highness. He commanded the Sheriff, first to 
 have me instructed in the language of the countr}% 
 and then to send me to the palace. 1 was there- 
 fore immediately provided with a master ; under 
 whose instructions I made such progress, as to be 
 able, in the short sj)ace of half a year, to con- 
 
35 
 
 verse pretty fluently with any of the inhabitants. 
 As soon as I had acquired the rudiments of the 
 language, a fresh order arrived from the Court, 
 saying, that my instructions should be continued, 
 and that I should be placed in the Seminary of 
 the City; where the Karatti were to examine 
 my intellectual powers, and judge in which art 
 or science I gave the greatest hopes of advance- 
 ment. The commands of the Prince were punc- 
 tually obeyed. During the time that I was at 
 the seminary, there was as much care bestowed 
 in the formation of my body, as that of my 
 mind ; and they gave themselves, in particular, a 
 great deal of trouble to make me look as much 
 like a tree as possible ; for which purpose they 
 bound false branches to different parts of my 
 body, in so neat and dexterous a manner, that it 
 w^as really a pleasure to behold their admirable 
 contrivance. 
 
 In the mean time, my landlord, a very affable, com- 
 municative, and inquisitive sort of a tree, entertained 
 me every afternoon, when I had returned from the 
 seminary, with divers amusing historical tales ; 
 and various dialogues we held, wherein he interro- 
 gated me on almost every subject. He listened 
 with much pleasure and attention to w^hat I related 
 to bim respecting my voyage down ; but at nothing 
 
 D 2 
 
36 
 
 was he so much amazed, as at the description I gave 
 him of our earth, and of the immeasurable heavens 
 that surround it, swarming and ghttering with in- 
 numerable stars. All this awoke in him the most 
 lively eagerness and curiosity. When, however, 
 I related to him, that the trees with us were lifeless, 
 immoveable, and rooted in the ground, he appeared 
 very dejected ; and on my assuring him, that on 
 our earth we felled them for firewood, wherewith 
 to warm our houses, and cook our victuals, he 
 then became nearly frantic. Nevertheless, when 
 he had seriously retlected on the matter, his pas- 
 sion and indignation abated ; then raising his 
 branches, which amounted to five, towards heaven, 
 he praised the wonderful judgment of the great 
 Creator, into whose manifold and deep designs 
 no mortal could penetrate. He now again lis- 
 tened calmly and attentively to what I further 
 related. His wife, who had hitherto always 
 avoided my presence, became, on understanding 
 fully the reason of my being arraigned at the 
 bar of the tribunal, again reconciled to me ; imd she 
 acquitted me of all suspicion, when she learnt that 
 I, in the innocence of my heart, had been deceived 
 by the figure of a tree, up into which we, in our 
 country, unceremoniously climb. But in order not 
 to run any risk, in this newly acquired confidence 
 and familiarity, of opening a very lately healed sore, 
 
37 
 
 and thereby losing her ladyship's good graces, I 
 took special care never to converse with her, 
 unless in the presence of her husband, and with 
 his permission. 
 
96 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 DESCRIPTION OF THE CITY OF KEBA. 
 
 During the period which was appointed for my 
 receiving instructions at the seminary, my landlord 
 used frequently to take me round in the city, for the 
 purpose of showing me every thing that was un- 
 common and worthy of notice. We perambulated 
 the streets without experiencing the least hindrance, 
 or stoppage ; and, what much surprised me, without 
 causing the smallest concourse of curious spectators. 
 We are all aware, that with us things are far 
 otherwise ; for at every opportunity to witness a 
 trivial, and almost every-day occurrence, the popu- 
 lace flock together by thousands, in order to satisfy 
 their so-easily-excited curiosity. The inhabitants, 
 however, of this planet, who are quite the reverse 
 of us, appeared as much attached to stale matters of 
 moment, as to new trinkets or gewgaws. 
 
 Keba, which is the name of this city, is the 
 second in size in the principality of Potu. The 
 
39 
 
 inhabitants of this town are so much distinguislied 
 for their serious deportment, gravity, and sobriety 
 of mind, that each of the citizens might pass for a 
 counsellor, or senator. To old age is paid here, in 
 particular, the greatest honour and respect ; and in 
 no place in the world are old people — to whose 
 opinions, nay, to whose very wink the youth of 
 Potu do every homage — more highly esteemed and 
 venerated. I wondered, therefore, the more, that so 
 sedate and temperate a people should be addicted 
 to gaming, or have the least taste for plays, or any 
 sort of theatrical diversions ; which to me appeared 
 entirely inconsistent with their natural gravity. My 
 landlord, who perceived my astonishment, endea- 
 voured, by all the means in his power, to abate 
 it. " We have," said he, " throughout every 
 part of this principality, a custom of varying 
 alternately our serious occupations and recreative 
 amusements : — 
 
 Our duty done, we then our harmless sports pursue, 
 To renovate our strength, to do our task anew. 
 
 For amongst other excellent regulations in this 
 country, to the inhabitants permission is granted, 
 for their enjoying every sort of amusement, by 
 which it is thought the mind is invigorated and 
 made more fit for laborious occupations; without 
 mentioning, that such like diversions, practised in 
 
40 
 
 moderation, have always the effect of driving away 
 melancholy : which is not unfrequently the mother 
 of sedition, rebellion, and a number of desperate 
 schemes of opposition to legitimate power. For 
 this reason, they were accustomed, after their serious 
 occupations, to recreate themselves with plays and 
 other amusements ; but with so much caution and 
 circumspection, that they never suffered their gravity 
 to degenerate into austerity, nor their gaiety into 
 wantonness. How much soever I was delighted 
 with all this, I became equally gloomy, on learning 
 that disputations formed part of their theatrical 
 entertainments. At certain appointed times of the 
 year, after wagers being first made, and a stated 
 premium set forth for him who should be declared 
 the conqueror, the two persons destined to dispute 
 or wrangle, advanced and publicly challenged each 
 other, like boxers, to a trial of their respective 
 merits ; and suffered themselves to be incited, and 
 set together by the ears, in nearly the same way as 
 game-cocks, or other quarrelsome and fighting 
 animals, are egged on with us. It is the general 
 fashion there, among the rich, to keep disputants or 
 wranglers ; whom they train up in a manner similar 
 to that used here on earth, in breaking in dogs of 
 the chase. They are instructed in the science of 
 sophistry or dialectics, in order to acquire a glibness 
 of tongue and a flippant loquacity, which are requi- 
 
41 
 
 site at this annually appointed contest. A certain 
 rich citizen of the place, whose name was HennoM^ 
 had, through this means, amassed an immensity of 
 wealth ; and had gained, in the space of three years, 
 by the victories of the disputant whom he supported, 
 no less a sum than four thousand rickatu. Several 
 persons, who, in the like manner, had scraped to- 
 gether enormous heaps of money, had, at different 
 times, offered him vast sums for this disputant ; but 
 hitherto he had not been induced to part with a 
 treasure, which yielded him annually such a con- 
 siderable income. The wrangler who is now the 
 subject of remark, possessed such a coarse, rustical, 
 unpolished volubility of tongue, that with the 
 greatest facility he could advance a proposition, 
 confute it, and again establish it ; could make that 
 which was crooked appear perfectly straight ; and 
 what was square, to assume the form of a circle. 
 He was such a troublesome, brow-beating caviller, 
 who laid about him so forcibly with syllogisms, 
 dialectical chicaneries, shifts, and sophistry, that the 
 bellowing noise of his distinguishing, subsuming, 
 and limiting, had the wonderful effect of making all 
 his opponents as silent as stock-fish. With inward 
 affliction of soul, I was a few times spectator, and 
 one of the auditory of these performances ; which to 
 me appeared both unbecoming and even wicked, in 
 consequence of those sacred and honourable exer- 
 
4^ 
 
 cises, which are so great an embellishment to our 
 universities, being changed into mere theatricals 
 and stage tricks ; and when I called to mind, that I 
 myself had wrangled three times publicly, and had 
 gained thereby much applause, and acquired a high 
 reputation, I could scarcely refrain from weeping 
 with vexation. I was, however, not near so much 
 offended with the matter itself, as with the manner 
 in which the performances were conducted ; for on 
 such occasions, certain inciters, who are called 
 Kahalki^ on perceiving that the vehemence of the 
 disputants began to llag, pricked them in the side 
 with a kind of awl, to animate and encourage them 
 anew. I pass over several other circumstances and 
 facts, which I blush but to think of; and which I 
 could do no less than condemn in so enlightened a 
 people as this in reality is. 
 
 Besides these wranglers, whom they ironically 
 call Mashaki, or Brothers of a Kidney, several kinds 
 of four-footed animals, both wild and tame, as well 
 as many birds of prey, are kept ; which for money, 
 in like manner, are suffered and incited to fight for 
 the diversion of the spectators. I asked my land- 
 lord how it was possible, that so judicious and dis- 
 creet a nation could abolish, for the sake of such 
 gambling combats, those noble exercises ; whereby 
 tlie understanding is sharpened, truth discovered 
 
43 
 
 and elicited, and every one taught to speak in cour- 
 teous language, and to converse with ease and 
 affability? He answered me, that in barbarous 
 times, such exercises as I alluded to were held in 
 great esteem ; but as experience had long since 
 demonstrated, that they served much more to con- 
 ceal truth, make youth wanton, excite disturbances, 
 and prove prejudicial to the attainment of more use- 
 ful knowledge, the Academy had thought proper to 
 change them for plays or comedies ; and the result 
 had already shown, that the students had thereby 
 advanced much further in erudition, than by quiet 
 reading and tranquil meditation. With this answer, 
 although it appeared clever and sensible enough, 
 yet, for all that, I felt in my mind by no means 
 satisfied. 
 
 In this city there is established for the rest of the 
 people a Gymnasium, or Academy, in which the 
 liberal arts are taught with more gravity and deco- 
 rum. My landlord conducted me, one solemn fes- 
 tival day, to the high school's auditory, at the time 
 of creating a Madik, or professor of philosophy. 
 The business proceeded without the least cere- 
 mony ; except in so far, that the candidate held a 
 neat and well-grounded discourse on a certain phy- 
 sical problem ; whereupon he became inscribed, 
 by the President of the Academy, as one of their 
 
44 
 
 number ; and received a licence to teach publicly. 
 After our return home, when my landlord asked me 
 how I liked this manner of obtaining promotion, I 
 answered him, that it appeared to me, in respect to 
 themselves, much too dry and insipid. I related to 
 him, that with us the magistri and doctors were 
 obliged to wrangle previous to their being created to 
 those dignities ; at which information he wrinkled 
 up his nose in a very strange sort of a way. He 
 then inquired of me, not without a degree of con- 
 temptuousness, regarding the nature of these dispu- 
 tations ; in what way they were maintained ; and 
 wherein they differed from others in an ordinary 
 way ? I told him, that they in general treated on 
 matters of the greatest importance ; particularly on 
 such as regarded the manners, language, and dress, 
 of two ancient nations, which had flourished conspi- 
 cuously in Europe in days of yore. I assured him, 
 that I, myself, in three very learned disputations, had 
 said and maintained, all that I conceived could be 
 said and maintained, respecting the slippers belong- 
 ing to these said two ancient nations. On hearing 
 me utter these words, he burst into so immoderate 
 a fit of laughter, that it echoed through the whole 
 house. His wife, when she heard these roars of 
 mirth, came hobbling to us with all speed, curious 
 to know what circumstance could possibly occasion 
 them ; but I was so provoked at this behaviour alto- 
 
45 
 
 getber, that I did not deign to make her any reply : 
 for who could endure to hear so momentous an 
 affair treated with contempt and laughter? Her 
 husband explained to her the whole cause of this 
 convulsive burst of risibility, and she laughed at it, 
 to my inward mortification, as heartily and equally 
 as loud as my landlord himself. 
 
 It was not long before these historical facts were 
 spread through the whole city ; where they furnished 
 matter for incessant sarcasms. Among other per- 
 sons, there was the wife of a certain great senator, 
 by nature of so very sprightly and merry a dispo- 
 sition, that she, on hearing of the circumstances, fell 
 into so violent a laughing fit, that she nearly burst 
 her sides; and, in consequence of her dying of a 
 fever some time after, it was everywhere muttered 
 and whispered, that the immoderate paroxysm of 
 laughter, through attacking and over-straining her 
 lungs, drove, as the saying is, a nail into her coffin. 
 This rumour was, however, only a mere and loose 
 conjecture ; for no one knew rightly of what disease 
 she died. For the rest, she was an excellent wife, 
 and a dignified and majestic housekeeper ; for she 
 possessed no less than seven branches: an extra- 
 ordinary number for one of her sex ; for which 
 reason, every feeling, decent, and well-bred tree 
 was greatly concerned for her death. She was in- 
 
46 
 
 terred at night, on the outside of the walls of the 
 city, in the same dress that she wore at the time of 
 her decease ; for it is, by an express law, here pro- 
 hibited to bury any dead within the city ; as it is 
 thought that the air would become thereby charged 
 with infectious vapours, exhaled from the inhumated 
 bodies. It is likewise forbidden to apparel dead 
 corses in costly attire, and to make therewith a 
 pompous and magnificent funeral procession ; as 
 they become, very soon after, in spite of all such 
 useless expenses, food only for worms. With these 
 different regulations, I must acknowledge, I was 
 well pleased. It is a custom here to hold funeral 
 orations, and to preach funeral sermons ; but these 
 consist in mere exhortations, addressed to the audi- 
 tory, to lead honest and virtuous lives, and to keep 
 mortality constantly in view. There are, on such 
 occasions, censors appointed, whose business it is to 
 take note of how far the merits of the deceased are 
 panegyrized, beyond a strict adherence to the prin- 
 ciples of truth. It must here be observed, that a 
 severe punishment is inflicted upon him who ex- 
 aggerates, or invents any praise, reputation, or 
 honour; therefore, nowhere are eulogies and pane- 
 gyrics bestowed more sparingly than in Potu. 
 Being, myself, a short time after, one of the audi- 
 tory of such a funeral oration, I inquired of my 
 landlord respecting the rank and station of the de- 
 
47 
 
 ceased hero, whose memory was honoured in so 
 solemn a manner ? He answered me, that it was a 
 peasant, who had been sent on an errand to the city, 
 and had suddenly died on the road. How much 
 soever the subterraneous people had ridiculed me 
 but a short time before, I now in turn ridiculed 
 them again with a loud and violent fit of laughter ; 
 and on that occasion I requited their sarcasms, 
 vented against us Europeans, with more than stan- 
 dard weight. " A peasant ? " bawled I, " wherefore 
 then are not also oxen, bulls, et cetera, the com- 
 panions and colleagues of the peasants, in like 
 manner panegyrized from the public rostrum ? As 
 they are employed in similar occupations, they are 
 capable,— are they not ? " said I, " of furnishing like 
 matter for a funeral oration?" But my landlord 
 chid me, and bade me keep my laughter within the 
 bounds of decorum ; informing me, at the same 
 time, that the husbandmen, or tillers of the ground, 
 were there held in the greatest esteem, in conse- 
 quence of their useful and important employment ; 
 and that no rank, or station in life was, in that 
 country, considered more noble and honourable than 
 that of the peasantry ; for which reason every one in 
 that condition, who laboured as an honest and up- 
 right father of a family, was greeted by the people 
 of the towns, with the honourable appellation of 
 Nourisher and Protector. Hence arises the custom, 
 
48 
 
 in the beginning of harvest-time, or in tlie palm- 
 month, when the peasants come to the city with a 
 great number of waggons, laden with provisions, of 
 their being received, on the outside of the gates, 
 by the municipal authorities, under the sound of 
 trumpets and cymbals, and conducted into the town 
 with triumphal joy and merriment. I cannot ex- 
 press the astonishment I felt on hearing this account ; 
 particularly, when I reflected on the fate of our 
 peasantry, who are but scoffed at, while held in a 
 galling state of vassalage ; and whose occupations 
 are esteemed both mean and despicable, when con- 
 trasted with those, which luxury, prodigality, and 
 voluptuousness, have introduced upon the stage of 
 the world : I mean those of cooks, pastry-cooks, con- 
 fectioners, hair-dressers, dancing-masters, and innu- 
 merable others. This 1 related to my landlord 
 some time after ; but with a strict injunction upon 
 him, to observe the most inviolable secrecy ; for fear 
 that the subterraneous people should entertain too 
 unfavourable an opinion of my brother Europeans 
 above ground. He assured me that no tree would 
 ever obtain the knowledge of it from his lips. He 
 then conducted me up into the auditory, where a 
 funeral oration was to be pronounced. I must can- 
 didly avow, that I never, on a like occasion, heard 
 any discourse so well-grounded, so a])propriate, so 
 full of veracity, and so free from every kind of hypo- 
 
49 
 
 crisy, as that; which appeared to me a perfect 
 pattern, whereby all preachers of funeral sermons 
 ought to regulate themselves. The orator gave 
 first a delineation of the virtues of the deceased ; he 
 enumerated all his vices and frailties ; concluding 
 his discourse with an admonition to the auditory to 
 guard themselves against the latter. 
 
 As we were returning home from hearing this 
 oration, we met a criminal, conducted by three 
 w^atchmen or guards. He had lately, pursuant to 
 the sentence of the Lord Chief Justice, undergone 
 the arm-punishment (as the already-mentioned 
 phlebotomizing is called), and was then on his way 
 to the common hospital of the town. I inquired 
 wdierein consisted the nature of his crime ; and was 
 answered that he had dared publicly to examine, 
 and expose to consideration, God's nature, quality, 
 and attributes — a thing totally forbidden throughout 
 this country ; where all such like unseasonable 
 treatises and dissertations are considered so fool- 
 hardy and impertinent, that it is thought they can 
 only be engendered and fostered in disordered intel- 
 lects. It is therefore a practice here, to send such 
 subtle disputants, after having first bled them, to the 
 madhouse, or bridewell, until their sound reason 
 again returns. I thought to myself — Heaven and 
 
 E 
 
50 
 
 earth ! how would matters go in Europe with our 
 theologians, who are every other day wrangling 
 about the quality and attributes of the Deity ; and 
 concerning the nature of ghosts, and other similar 
 mysterious secrets ? How might it also go with our 
 learned in the metaphysics, who, proud of their 
 own transcendent proficiency in the speculative ex- 
 amination, believe, far above the conception of other 
 folks, to approach the omniscience of the God-head? 
 Verily I fear, that instead of acquiring a critic's 
 celebrity, and attaining to the dignity of a doctor's 
 cap, with which such erudites are crowned with us, 
 they would here only pave themselves a way to the 
 lanatic hospital, or the house of correction. 
 
 These, and many other of the like kind of absur- 
 dities and incongruities, I took notice of, during the 
 period that I was at the seminary. At length the 
 time arrived, which was appointed by the Prince for 
 my being furnished with the testimonials from the 
 instructors, and sent to the Court. I made sure 
 account of receiving the warmest praise, and the 
 most glittering commendation ; grounding this hope, 
 partly upon my own aptness, as I had learned the 
 subterraneous language much sooner than I ex- 
 pected, — partly upon the friendship of my landlord, 
 — and partly upon the proclaimed candour, and up- 
 
6\ 
 
 Tightness of my judges. At length my testimonials 
 were brought to me. On opening them I trembled 
 with joy ; eager to read, with my own eyes, the 
 honour to which I had attained, and therefrom con- 
 jecture the good fortune that awaited me. But how 
 much was I irritated and thrown into a state of 
 despondency, when I had finished reading the docu- 
 ment ; of which the following is a copy! — 
 
 " Pursuant to the commands of your Serene 
 Highness, we herewith forward the present animal ; 
 which some time ago, was brought hither down to 
 us from another globe ; and who calls himself, 
 Man. We have, with diligent attention and solici- 
 tude, instructed the said animal in our Royal 
 School ; where, after as rigid and precise an ex- 
 amination as was possible to be made of his under- 
 standing and conduct, we found him very tractable 
 and ready at learning ; but of so wry and pitiful a 
 penetration, that he, by reason of his too hasty con- 
 ception, can hardly be classed among rational crea- 
 tures ; much less be intrusted with any important 
 employment. As he is, however, much nimbler- 
 footed than most other of the inhabitants of this 
 country, we humbly conceive, that he is exceedingly 
 well qualified to fill the situation of Courier to the 
 Court. Given under our hands, in the Thorn- 
 month, at the Seminary in Keba, by your Serene 
 
 E 2 
 
r)2 
 
 Highness' most obedient and most dutiful ser- 
 vants. 
 
 Nehek. 
 
 JOKTAN. 
 
 Rapast. 
 
 KiLAK." 
 
 At this I went weeping to my landlord ; and sup- 
 plicated him, with tears in my eyes, to obtain, 
 through the means of his influence, a milder attes- 
 tation from the Karatti; and I entreated him to 
 show to them the testimonials I had received from 
 the university of Copenhagen ; wherein I was re- 
 presented as a very excellent and distinguished 
 student. He observed to me, that my testimo- 
 nials might be good enough in our country above ; 
 where perhaps the shadow was more looked upon 
 than the substance, and the rind more than the 
 heart or marrow ; but with them, where things were 
 estimated by their quintessence, or very kernels, 
 such like documents were considered of no kind of 
 worth. For the rest, he advised me to bear my fate 
 with patience ; particularly as my character neither 
 deserved reproof nor could be altered ; since it is 
 reckoned here as one of the greatest of crimes, to 
 praise any person for virtues which he never pos- 
 sessed. By way of pouring some soothing balsam 
 into my wounds, and consoling me in the best 
 
53 
 
 manner his ability would allow, he repeated to me 
 the following words ; the whole force of the truth 
 whereof, penetrated deep into my heart. 
 
 Strive never after that, which is believ'd 
 
 By none but blind and silly mortals, to 
 
 Afford to him, whom only fools call great, 
 
 An inward gladness; and whose glitter is 
 
 Desir'd and envied by stupidity 
 
 Alone. Too oft, alas ! is wisdom seen 
 
 To tower high upon the surgy wave 
 
 Of power; and like a ship, o'ertaken by 
 
 A storm, is driven from her coarse and wreck' d. 
 
 And he, who with high titles and with gold 
 
 Is heavy laden, gliding, as he thinks 
 
 Secure, through life, is oft oblig'd beneath 
 
 The pond'rous weight to crouch, — then sinks unto 
 
 The grounds And they who strive to heap up treasure, 
 
 And eager are to gain distinguish'd rank, 
 
 Like lofty pyramids their piles they build, 
 
 Towering high, near to the very clouds ; 
 
 But transitory is this power of wealth. 
 
 And fleeting is the greatness of their name; 
 
 And they, while in the zenith of their pride, 
 
 Not thinking on what slipp'ry ground they stand, 
 
 Are oft-times, when perhaps they least expect, 
 
 Hurl'd headlong from their golden glory's summit. 
 
 He added, that a person, with a moderate share of 
 good luck, had not, in a more humble station of 
 life, such downfalls to apprehend. He insisted 
 
54 
 
 tiiat my testimonials from the Karattl were ex- 
 actly what they ought to be ; and that these honest 
 and upright judges, possessing such a power of pene- 
 tration, who never suffered themselves to be bribed 
 with presents, nor moved by threats, to swerve one 
 iota from the path of truth, could not, in tliis case, be 
 suspected of partiality. He told me at last, with- 
 out any reserve, that he, himself, had, for a length 
 of time, taken particidar notice of my very weak 
 discerning faculties ; and that, from my quick con- 
 ceptions and fertile memory, he bad instantly con- 
 cluded, that I was by no means qualilied for making 
 any great spring towards pushing my fortune ; but, 
 on the contrary, in consequence of my miserable 
 judgment, I was totally unfit for any office of im- 
 portance. He mentioned also, that he had made 
 another discovery, on hearing my recitals resi>ecting 
 Europeans, that my native country must be 
 
 A very crazy land, envelop'd in thick fogs, 
 
 Where nought but fools are bred, as senseless as are hogs. 
 
 He assured me, however, in the most condescending 
 and polite manner, that I might depend upon his 
 friendship ; advising me, at the same time, to pre- 
 pare myself, without delay, for setting out. 
 
 I followed this very good and reasonable man's 
 advice. So much the more readily, as necessity 
 
55 
 
 demanded it ; and it appeared a foolhardihood to 
 oppose the Prince's commands. I therefore set out 
 on my journey in the company of a few small 
 trees ; who, at the same time with myself, were 
 prepared at the seminary ; and with a similar 
 view were sent to the capital. Our guide was an 
 old Karatti, or overseer ; who rode ap'on an ox, as 
 he was unable to walk, in consequence of his ad- 
 vanced age. Riding, in this country, is every- 
 where very unusual; and it is only decrepid old 
 men, and sick persons, who make use of that con- 
 venience: although there would be much more ex- 
 cuse for the inhabitants of this planet being driven 
 about in carriages, than for us ; as they move so 
 slow and with so much difficulty. 
 
 This brings to mind with what laughter the Sub- 
 terraneans attended to the description I once gave 
 them, respecting the costly equipages displayed 
 among us : of our relays ; oar basket-work, and 
 gilt gingerbread-looking carriages and boxes ; in 
 which we are oft packed together like pilchards in 
 a cask, and driven about the town. And it calls, in 
 particular, to my recollection, the time when I re- 
 lated to them, that in Europe, one neighbour could 
 not visit another, without being enclosed in such a 
 box or car ; and in this manner, by two high-spirited 
 animals, drawn through almost every street and lane 
 
56 
 
 m the city : for no other earthly purpose, than a 
 wish to display their outside finery. 
 
 In consequence of the very slow pace of these 
 rational trees, we spent three days on the roatl, in 
 travelling to the capital ; although the distance from 
 Keba is not more than twenty-eight miles. Had I 
 been alone, I could easily have made the journey 
 in a day. 
 
 How much soever I felt delighted, at being, be- 
 yond all comparison, nimbler a-foot than the Sub- 
 terraneans, I, on the other hand, in an equal de- 
 gree regretted, that my bodily perfection should 
 procure me such a despicable employment. " I 
 wish," said I to myself, " that I was just as awk- 
 ward and as clumsy on my legs as the inhabitants 
 of this planet ; in order, through such a defect, to 
 escape the slavish and abject office to which I am 
 likely to be appointed." "Don't say so!" ex- 
 claimed our guide, who overheard me ; " don't say 
 so ; for if nature had not, with that corporeal su- 
 periority, in some measure compensated for the im- 
 perfections of your mind, we should all have looked 
 upon you as an incumbrance upon the face of the 
 earth ; since, by reason of your untimely quick 
 conception, you only see the outside shell of any 
 thing, without discovering its kernel ; and as yon 
 
57 
 
 possess only two branches, you are much inferior 
 to each of the Subterraneans, in ability to perform 
 any handicraft, of whatsoever kind it might be." I 
 listened to these words with much attention ; and 
 then thanked God for giving me my long legs ; for 
 without them, 1 should hardly have been reckoned 
 among rational beings. 
 
 During our journey to the capital, I remarked, not 
 however without astonishment, that not one of the 
 inhabitants, as we passed by, remained stationary, 
 in order to contemplate us ; nor did any of them 
 leave their work to gaze at a sight, which, howbeit, 
 was not seen every day, so wholly intent were they 
 upon their business. But as soon as the day was 
 closed, and every one had performed his office, they 
 amused themselves with all kinds of diversions, by 
 permission of the magistrates ; who look upon such 
 like innocent amusements to be strengthening both 
 to the mind and body, and equivalent to eating and 
 drinking. For this and other reasons, the journey 
 w'as exceedingly pleasant. The country, every- 
 where, afforded delightful and enchanting prospects. 
 Let the reader only picture to himself, an amphi- 
 theatre as beautiful as Nature can form it, and he 
 will then have some conception of the charming ap- 
 pearance of this subterraneous land. In some few 
 tracts of country, where nature had been less 
 
58 
 
 bountiful, the defect was compensated by art, and 
 by the labour of the inhabitants. It is customary 
 for the constituted authorities to set forth encou- 
 raging rewards, to be paid to those persons who 
 cultivate, improve, and beautify their rural pos- 
 sessions ; and, on the other hand, those against 
 whom it is proved, that they have neglected the 
 cultivation of their land, are, by an existing law, 
 deprived of their burgher-right. We passed, in 
 our way, through several handsome villages, which 
 lay so near to one another, that thoy appeared to 
 compose one very large town. Neatness and 
 order everywhere prevailed. On the road we were 
 often attacked by the wild baboons, which ran and 
 frolicked on all sides of us in considerable numbers. 
 They seemed particularly attached to springing 
 upon, and tugging and pinching me ; which arose, 
 no doubt, in consequence of my very uncommon 
 shape, and their mistaking me for one of their com- 
 rades. I was not able to conceal my wrath and 
 indignation on this occasion ; especially when I 
 perceived that the sport afibrded the trees that 
 accompanied me, much matter for laughing at my 
 expense ; for I was conducted to the Court, pur- 
 suant to the Prince's commands, in the same dress 
 1 wore when I descended to the planet: holding 
 the boat-hook in my right hand, that His Serene 
 Highness might see the manner in which the peo- 
 
pie on our globe are equipped and clothed ; and to 
 show the condition I was in, and the ornaments I 
 possessed, when I was precipitated into his territory. 
 I considered it fortunate that I had taken the boat- 
 hook with me; for it came very opportunely, 
 wherewith to drive away the audacious baboons, 
 which flocked around me in troops : but it did not 
 help me much ; for the more I put them to flight, 
 the more they returned ; so that every minute, 
 during the whole journey, I was obliged to hold 
 myself in readiness to give the enemy battle. 
 
60 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 THE PRINCES COURT IN POTU. 
 
 At length we arrived at Potu, the capital, which is 
 a particularly magnificent and illustrious city. The 
 houses in it are higher, and the streets are much 
 broader, and more commodious than those in Keba. 
 The first square or market-place that we came to, was 
 filled with a multitude of traders or dealers ; and 
 it was entirely environed by the shops of artists 
 and mechanics. I was much surprised io observe 
 a criminal, with a rope round his neck, standing 
 about the centre of the place, surrounded by a con- 
 siderable number of very grave-looking trees, which 
 appeared to be a circle of senators. When I in- 
 quired the signification of what I then beheld, and 
 asked of what the culprit was guilty, to deserve 
 hanging, which is contrary to usage, since no crime 
 in that country is punished with the pain of death ; 
 I was answered, that he was a maker of projects, 
 who had dared to advise the abolition of a certain 
 
61 
 
 ancient custom. Those persons who surrounded him 
 were senators, and others learned in the law ; 
 whose practice it was to examine and discuss the 
 apparent merits of any new invention ; which, if 
 found to be well excogitated and devised, and 
 likely to prove advantageous to the state, the male- 
 factor is not only by them acquitted, but even re- 
 warded for his ingenuity. Should it, on the con- 
 trary, however, be proved injurious to the state, or 
 that the projector had only aimed at his own in- 
 dividual advantage, in proposing any change or 
 alteration, the culprit, in that case, as a perturber 
 and destroyer of the best interests of his country, 
 is immediately tucked up without further ceremony. 
 This summary way of proceeding has the effect of 
 checking all factious and seditious disturbers of 
 the public peace ; so that very few persons dare 
 venture to make any new proposition ; every one 
 being particularly cautious how he advises the 
 repealing of any law, unless an advantage to the 
 state is thereby so evident, that nobody can enter- 
 tain a doubt of a successful result. The Subter- 
 raneans, everywhere, think very religiously of old 
 laws ; and the institutions and establishments of 
 their ancestors are generally held very sacred ; 
 since they are of opinion, that a state, through per- 
 petually altering its laws and regulations, accord- 
 ing to the whimsical and fallacious notions of a few 
 
62 
 
 individuals in power, must necessarily be weakened. 
 Marry come up ! thought I to myself ; how would 
 matters go with the project-makers on our globe, 
 who, under the pretence of exercising great economy, 
 and introducing general retrenchment and frugality, 
 tending to the prosperity of the country, are every 
 other day meditating on new ordinances, laws, and 
 regulations, solely for their own benefit ? 
 
 We were at length conducted into a very large 
 house, where all who are sent to the capital, from 
 the general seminaries in the state, are admitted. 
 From this place we were afterwards again con- 
 ducted, in order to be presented to the Prince. Our 
 guide, or Karatti, went in the mean time to an- 
 nounce our arrival ; and ordered us to remain here 
 until he should return. Scarcely had he left us, 
 when our ears were stunned by a most extraor- 
 dinary noise, which resembled the acclamations 
 usually expressed on an occasion of a victory ; and 
 in an instant after, an alarm of drums and trum- 
 pets resounded through the whole building. On 
 hearing this, we were struck with astonishment, 
 and ran out into the street, to ascertain the occa- 
 sion of it. We there beheld a tree advancing 
 with solemn step, having on his head a garland of 
 flowers, and followed by a splendid retinue ; and 
 quickly after we discovered tliis to be the very 
 
63 
 
 identical citizen, whom we had so recently seen 
 standing in the centre of the market, with a rope 
 round his neck. 
 
 The regulation which he, at the risk of his life, 
 had proposed for consideration, was approved of 
 and accepted ; he therefore was now conducted in 
 triumph through the whole city. But on what 
 grounds he advised the repealing of the ancient law, 
 I never knew ; nor was I able by any means after- 
 wards, because of the taciturnity of this people, to 
 gain any knowledge of why the most trivial matter, 
 which was debated in the senate, and concerned the 
 administration of the affairs of state, should always 
 be kept so secret from the commonalty. Things 
 are managed, as every body is aware of, far better 
 with us ; where all state schemes and projects, as 
 well as all decrees, ordinances, and statutes, are 
 without delay related, reviewed, and judged of, in 
 every ale-house, debating club, tavern, and coffee- 
 house, throughout all the cities, towns, and villages 
 in the empire. 
 
 After the lapse of an hour, the Karatti returned, 
 and commanded us to follow him, which we immedi- 
 ately obeyed. On our way to the Prince, we were 
 met by a multitude of small trees, who exposed 
 for sale short printed historical accounts of every 
 
64 
 
 thing that was remarkable and of any importance. 
 Among this bibliothecal merchandize I cast my eye, 
 with an intention of buying, upon a small work 
 which had the following title : " A true and jmr- 
 ticiilar Account of the new and extraordinary 
 Meteor^ or Flj/ing Dragon, which last Year made 
 its first appearance in our Hemisphere. "" In this 
 book there was a copper-plate print of myself; 
 which represented me with the boat-hook in my 
 right liand, and dragging the rope after me; ex- 
 actly in the manner, in which 1 was carried round 
 the planet. I had, on this occasion, much to do, to 
 refrain from laughing very loud : exclaiming to my- 
 self inwardly ; 
 
 O sight of wonder ! uubeard of venturous fool ! 
 Thy glory still deserv'd a better graving-tool ! 
 
 I then bought the book for three kilak, which are 
 equivalent to about four skill ings of our money, 
 suppressed my risibility, and proceeded on in 
 silence to the Prince's palace. This building dis- 
 plays much more of art and neatness, than a pro- 
 fusion of splendour and glitter. I obseiTed very 
 few courtiers or attendants about this residence ; at 
 which I wondered, until I was informed that the 
 Prince was a lover of frugality, and a professed 
 enemy to all superfluity. Neither are there here, 
 by far, so many persons in waiting necessary as at 
 
65 
 
 our Courts ; for every tree possesses, in lieu of 
 arms, such a number of branches, that they are able 
 to perform all kinds of handiwork, attendance, and 
 domestic affairs, in one third, or a quarter of the 
 time, that is required for the same labour being 
 done with us. 
 
 It was mid-day when we reached the palace. 
 Before His Serene Highness sat down to dinner, he 
 desired to speak with me apart from the other can- 
 didates ; I was therefore conducted alone into the 
 dining-room. I must here remark, that in this 
 Prince are found united, courteousness, amiability, 
 and seriousness, to a degree worthy of admiration. 
 His vivacity, benignity, and softness of disposition, 
 are so natural to him, that no vexation, or anguish 
 of mind, can obscure, or cast a gloom upon his 
 cheerful countenance. As soon as I was in his 
 presence I fell on my knees ; at which all the per- 
 sons around me appeared greatly to wonder. His 
 Serene Highness inquired wherefore I knelt : and 
 when I had stated to him my reason for so doing, 
 he commanded me to rise ; saying, that such like 
 adoration was due only to the Deity : and that obe- 
 dience, labour, and diligence, were sufficient recom- 
 mendations to his good graces. When I was again 
 on my feet, he interrogated me a good deal respect- 
 ing the manner of my descent; what was the 
 
 F 
 
66 
 
 motive of my voyage down ; what my name was ; 
 and where I was born and bred. I answered 
 him — 
 
 My name is Klira, and from a mighty world 
 Above I came, whicli is my native sphere ; 
 I walk'd not, sail'd not, row'd not, but was hurl'd 
 Down headlong through a hole — thus came I here. 
 
 He inquired further, wiiat adventures I had met 
 with on my voyage down ; and was desirous of 
 knowing something respecting the manners and 
 customs of our globe. I expatiated with much 
 warmth on the intellect and virtues of man ; and on 
 the morals, good-breeding, and other accomplish- 
 ments, of which mankind in general are accus- 
 tomed to pride themselves. But he was quite 
 indifferent at the recital ; and even yawned at 
 several circumstances, which I conceived the most 
 likely to excite his admiration. Alas! thought I, 
 such and so various are the tastes of men ! that 
 which is the most charming and agreeable to us, 
 awakens in this people nothing but disgust and 
 nausea. What appeared to grate the most on his 
 princely ear, was that which I related to him con- 
 cerning our method of pleading causes at the bar ; 
 respecting the eloquence of our barristers ; and the 
 alacrity of our judges in deciding questions, and 
 pronouncing verdicts. I endeavoured to set the 
 
67 
 
 matter before him in a more favourable light ; but 
 he interrupted me, and changed the subject of the 
 discourse, by interrogating me regarding our re- 
 ligion and ecclesiastical tenets. I recited to him 
 briefly all our articles of belief. Whilst I was 
 repeating these before him, the wrinkles in his nose 
 disappeared by degrees : he admitted that he could 
 willingly subscribe to every one of them; and only 
 wondered that people without judgment should 
 have such sound and accurate conceptions regarding 
 the Deity and his adoration. But being informed 
 that the Christians were divided into innumerable 
 sects, and because of this diversity in their belief, 
 it w^as not unusual for them to persecute, and even 
 to murder one another, he said — '* With us there 
 is also a diversity and a dissimilarity of opinions, 
 regarding the things which appertain to the worship 
 of the Divinity ; but the people, for that reason, do 
 not persecute one another : for every persecution on 
 account of thoughts and opinions, or errors, which 
 are founded merely upon a difference of conception, 
 has its origin entirely in pride; since one person 
 foolishly imagines, that he is able to see deeper into 
 matters of religion than another — an arrogance 
 which cannot be otherwise than offensive to the 
 Almighty, who is a lover of modesty and humility. 
 We punish no person here, who, in his credulity, 
 strays from the patli of general opinion in specu- 
 
 F 2 
 
68 
 
 lative matters, provided he swerve not practically 
 from the public vs^orship of the Deity; and in this I 
 follow the example of my predecessors ; who con- 
 sidered it both cruel and tyrannical, to fetter the 
 imaginative faculty of rational beings, and to domi- 
 neer over their consciences. 1 carefully observe," 
 said he, " the same rule in respect to my government. 
 It is quite indifferent to me, whether my subjects 
 have various opinions regarding my form and ap- 
 pearance, and my way of living, domestic arrange- 
 ments, and such like matters : provided they only 
 acknowledge me as their lawful sovereign or direc- 
 tor, to whose decrees and ordinances thoy owe 
 obedience. When that is the case, I look upon 
 them all as faithful subjects and good citizens." 
 
 " Illustrious Prince!" answered I, " that is called 
 with us syncretismus ; and is in particular most 
 powerfully opposed by our men of letters." I 
 had neither time nor opportunity of saying another 
 word, for he seemed somewhat displeased ; and in 
 going abruptly away, commanded me to remain till 
 the dinner was over. 
 
 At the table sat the Prince, the Princess, the 
 young Prince, their son, and the Kadok, or Lord 
 Chancellor. This Kadok^ through his polite man- 
 ners, courteous address, and still more acute under- 
 
69 
 
 standing, had acquired in Potu an extraordinary 
 renown. In the course of twenty years, he had 
 never in the senate pronounced a verdict, which did 
 not meet with the full concurrence and approbation 
 of all the other judges. He had never, in public 
 matters, made any order which was not inviolable ; 
 and his word was a lasting rule or law. His 
 powers of conception were, however, so slow, that 
 he always required fourteen days, at least, for 
 making a draught of the most trivial order or 
 statute. In case this personage had lived on our 
 globe, where all tardiness and delay acquire the 
 appellation of incapacity, and even laziness, he 
 would have been absolutely condemned as entirely 
 unfit for any occupation of importance. But as soon 
 as he had conceived an affair, he penetrated imme- 
 diately to the bottom of it ; and he never decided 
 any matter, until it had undergone the most minute 
 and scrupulous investigation. In short, it might be 
 fairly asserted, that he performed more than ten 
 other so-called great geniuses, who with too much 
 precipitancy discharge the duties of their office ; and 
 whose labours, for that reason, always require to 
 be corrected, altered, and polished, for so long a 
 time, that it is at last evident, when their hours of 
 attendance are over, that there is nothing indeed 
 free from error which they have attempted to per- 
 form : or rather, they have neither done nor accom- 
 
70 
 
 pliBhed any thing. I remember, among other choice 
 apophthegms at the Court in Potu, one as very- 
 remarkable, which likens this sort of people, who 
 too hastily meddle in, and with too much temerity 
 decide upon, matters, to lazy walkers ; who go to 
 and fro the same road, without advancing one step 
 farther. 
 
 As soon as their Serene Highnesses were seated 
 at the table, there entered a young damsel of eight 
 branches ; who brought in, at once, so many plates 
 and dishes, that the whole table was instantly 
 covered. To her followed immediately another 
 tree with eight bottles, containing cider, perry, and 
 other potulent juices. This tree possessed nine 
 branches, and was, in consequence, looked upon 
 as the most excellent attendant that could be 
 desired. In this manner, two persons-in-waiting 
 performed easily that which at our Courts a whole 
 host of servants would scarcely have been able to 
 effect so well. The dishes were taken away with 
 the same alertness and dexterity as they were 
 brought with and placed upon the table. The meal 
 was frugal, but at the same time neat and clean. 
 Of the different dishes that were set before the Prince, 
 he tasted only one, which was that that was the 
 most to his palate. Just the contrary is the fashion 
 among the rich with us ; for thev consider a dinner 
 
71 
 
 as nothing, unless it be composed of a number of 
 courses, one following the other, and each more 
 sumptuous and dainty than the former. During the 
 repast, they entertained themselves with various 
 dialogues on virtues, vices, politics, and ethics ; 
 remarking that the enjoyments of the body were 
 seasoned with those of the soul. I became also 
 the subject of conversation ; but because of my too 
 quick conception, it was thought that nothing very 
 particular could be made of me. 
 
 When the dinner w^as over, and the table cleared, 
 the Prince then ordered me to deliver my testi- 
 monials. When His Serene Highness had read 
 the document through, he cast his eyes down as if 
 to examine the length of my legs : — " The Karatti 
 have judged perfectly right !" said he, — and com- 
 manded that their advice should be followed. On 
 hearing him pronounce these words, I was struck 
 as tliough it were w^ith lightning, and immediately 
 burst into a flood of tears. I entreated that my 
 book of exercises might be looked through ; hoping 
 that when my virtues and the faculties of my mind 
 had undergone a more close and rigid examination, 
 that a milder doom would await me. This benign, 
 and extremely just and reasonable Prince, was by 
 no means angry at this unmanerly and extraordinary 
 request; but commanded the Karatti who was 
 
72 
 
 » 
 
 present to examine me anew, with more exactness 
 and precision. While this was going on, the 
 Prince withdrew, for the purpose of reading over 
 the testimonials of the other candidates. My 
 Karatti again interrogated me, and propounded to 
 me several new questions and problems ; which I 
 answered and solved, to his utter astonishment, 
 with my usual presence of mind and alacrity. " You 
 conceive," said he, " a proposition very quickly; 
 but you are not able to penetrate to the foundation 
 of anything ; and your answers prove, that you have 
 more promptly conceived, than correctly and 
 thoroughly understood the nature of the problems." 
 When the examination was finished, he entered 
 the room to which the Prince had some time be- 
 fore withdrawn, and returned shortly after with the 
 following sentence : — That as I had acted both in 
 a vile and an imprudent manner, in calling the 
 once-pronounced judgment of the Karatti into 
 doubt, I had thereby, pursuant to the law, which 
 awards a punishment to all foolhardy backbiters, 
 and is expressed in the third lesser of the fourth 
 greater degradation, (by greater and lesser degra- 
 dations, or Skibal and Kibal, are understood books 
 and chapters,) incurred the penalty of being phlebo- 
 tomised, according to an ancient practice and 
 usage, in both my branches, or arms, and put into 
 the public prison of the city. The words of the 
 
73 
 
 law in tlic third chapter of the fourth book are 
 these— spik, antri, flak, slak, mak, tabu rnihalat 
 silak» Although the meaning of these words was 
 as clear as noon-day — and the sacredness of the 
 law admits of no exemption or reserve — His Serene 
 Highness, in his peculiar graciousness and clemency, 
 had determined on pardoning me this enormous 
 crime ; partly in consequence of my want of judg- 
 ment, and partly because of my ignorance of the 
 laws ; since, without exactly breaking them, he 
 considered, that a newly-arrived foreigner might be 
 forgiven that offence, rather than any other, for 
 which the punishment could not be possibly re- 
 mitted. Finally, in order to give me a still greater 
 proof of condescension and benevolence, it had 
 graciously pleased His Serene Highness to appoint 
 me as one of his regular messengers or runners to 
 the Court ; with which kind favour and beneficence, 
 for that time, I was obliged to content myself. 
 
 After this sentence had been announced to me, a 
 Kiva, or Secretary, was immediately sent for ; who 
 entered my name, together with those of the other 
 newly-arrived candidates, in the protocol or register 
 of promotions. This secretary was a male tree, 
 of a dignified and admirable exterior appearance, 
 for he ])Ossessed no less than eleven branches ; and 
 was able, in consequence, with the same facility, 
 
74 
 
 to write eleven letters at once, that any of us would 
 find in writing only one. His discerning faculty 
 was, however, but very moderate ; for which reason 
 he could not be promoted ; and was grown old in 
 the office that he then held, and which he had al- 
 ready filled for the space of thirty years. It was 
 with this secretary that I had afterwards the most 
 to do, and on whom I had very frequently to wait ; 
 for it was he who transcribed all the ordinances and 
 letters, which I, in the capacity of courier, was 
 obliged to take to ditlerent parts of the country. 
 I was often struck with astonishment to see with 
 what activity and alertness he performed his work ; 
 as he frequently wrote eleven copies at the same 
 time, and affixed to them at once as many seals. 
 It is always considered, in every family, as an 
 extremely lucky event, whenever a child is born 
 with many branches ; for that reason, it is a 
 customary thing for the lying-in woman, after a 
 safe delivery, to send word to her neighbours and 
 acquaintances, informing them of the number of 
 branches with which the infant is blessed, on being 
 ushered into the world. It was very generally re- 
 ported, that this secretary's father, when born, 
 possessed no less than twelve branches ; and that 
 the whole family was distinguished for its uncom- 
 mon number. As soon as I had received my 
 appointment, and was initiated and reckoned among 
 
75 
 
 the regular messengers to the Court, I retired to 
 bed ; but, although ray lunbs were very weary, I 
 in vain tried, during the greatest part of the night, 
 to close my eyes in soft and refreshing sleep. 
 
 The idea of the abject employment to which I 
 was doomed, hovered continually before my mind ; 
 and it appeared to me extremely unbecoming, and 
 even disgraceful, for a imimterii candidatus and 
 baccalaureus in the greater world, to be degraded 
 to a pitiful messenger in the lesser. I spent the 
 most part of the night in these afflicting meditations ; 
 and, in my despair, read and re-read the testi- 
 monials I had received from the University of 
 Copenhagen. I have before remarked, that there 
 is hardly any difference between the days and 
 nights, in respect of light ; the reader will there- 
 fore easily conceive, that I experienced no difficulty 
 in seeing them. Exhausted with a variety of un- 
 pleasant thoughtsand weighty troubles, I fell at length 
 into a profound sleep ; during which I had several 
 dreams. I dreamt at one time that I was at home 
 among my friends, and was relating to them my 
 adventures in the subterraneous world ; then again 
 I thought that 1 was sailing in the air, and engaged 
 in a sanguinary conllict with the furious bird of 
 prey, or griffin ; which gave me so much work to do, 
 that the violence of the combat broke entirely my 
 
76 
 
 sleep. But how was I terrified on awaking, and 
 casting my eyes on a hideous and huge baboon, 
 w^hich was lying by my side ! This frightful beast 
 had slunk in at the cli amber-door, which was not 
 carefully shut, and for warmth had crept upon the 
 bed. This unexpected phenomenon filled me with 
 so much anxiety and terror, that, with aloud shriek, 
 which resounded through the house, I screamed 
 out for help. Some small trees, who slept in other 
 rooms adjoining and contiguous to mine, were 
 awakened by my noise, and came immediately to 
 my assistance : they helped me to combat this un- 
 pleasant intruder, which we forced at length to 
 make a i>reci|'i*Late retreat. I learnt afterwards, 
 that the Prince laughed heartily on hearing of this 
 adventure ; but in order that I might not be again 
 exposed to a similar encounter, he commanded that 
 1 should be immediately clothed after the subter- 
 raneous fashion, and decorated with branches. 
 The European dress, in which I had descended, 
 was taken from rae ; and on account of its uncom- 
 mon shape, and appearance altogether, was hung 
 up in the Cabinet of Arts, with this inscription over 
 it:— 
 
 " THE DRESS OF THE BEING OF THE UPPER WORLD." 
 
 Odzookers ! thought I, on this occasion, what 
 would be the consequence, if Jens Andersen, master- 
 
77 
 
 tailor, of Bergen, the stitcher of these clothes, were 
 to know that his work was preserved, among other 
 curiosities and rarities, in the Subterraneous Cabinet 
 of Arts ? He would certainly bridle up, and strut, 
 and cry gobble, like a turkey-cock, and would cast a 
 contemptuous look both at the Burgijier Master and 
 the Sheriff. 
 
 After the adventure with the baboon, I could not 
 close my eyes again the whole night; and when 
 the sun rose, I rose with him, and entered on my 
 new running occupation. 
 
 I was sent immediately on innumerable errands. 
 And first I was ordered to deliver at the large and 
 small towns, which were scattered about in different 
 directions, some ordinances and 1 etters -patent : in 
 short I was a jyerkci perpetuum mobile. In taking 
 these journeys, I had the opportunity of studying 
 more attentively the character of this nation ; and 
 discovered, in the greatest part of the inhabitants, 
 an affability and elegance of manners, united with 
 so much prudence, as rendered them truly worthy 
 of admiration. The citizens of the town called 
 Maholki, who are altogether thorns, appeared alone 
 to be less refined in manners, and advanced in know- 
 ledge, than the generality of the Subterraneans. 
 
78 
 
 Each province has its peculiar trees, or inha- 
 bitants, which in particular is observable among 
 the peasantry in the country, where all are indige- 
 nous ; contrary to what is the case in the large 
 towns, and particularly in the metropolis, where 
 there is a mixture of all sorts of trees. The sur- 
 mise which I had formed regarding the sagacity 
 of the Potuites, was the more confirmed, the more 
 accurately I acquired a knowledge of their good 
 qualities. The laws and customs, whereat I felt 
 the most disgust, oljtaincd by degrees, as I had a 
 greater insight into the justice and equity of them, 
 my fullest approbation ; and my ungrounded con- 
 tempt was changed into well-grounded admiration. 
 I could easily enumerate, one by one, the regu- 
 lations and customs, which I, on so slight a view, 
 had considered extravagant ; but which I, on a 
 more mature reflection, had looked upon as well- 
 founded and judicious. Of some thousands, I will 
 merely cite one single example ; which will paint, 
 in striking and lively colours, this people's true 
 character. A certain learned philologist solicited 
 the appointment to the vacant rectorship in one of 
 the public schools in the principality. His appli- 
 cation was supported by a recommendation from 
 the burghers of Nahami ; who attested that the 
 candidate had lived peaceably for the space of four 
 
79 
 
 successive years, with a dissolute, libidinous, and 
 unfaithful wife ; and, during the whole of that time, 
 had borne his horns with unexampled patience. 
 The attestation was nearly of the following tenor : 
 
 " Whereas the reverend and erudite presenter 
 hereof, Joktan Hu, has requested from us an attes- 
 tation, touching his manner of living and conduct in 
 general. We, therefore, the undersigned burghers 
 and householders, in that section of the city called 
 Posko, do hereby certify, that the said reverend and 
 erudite man aforesaid, hath, during the space of four 
 successive years, lived in a state of peace and quiet, 
 with a meretricious, dissolute, and faithless wife ; 
 hath borne his horns with patience ; and exhibited 
 so much mildness and gentleness of disposition, 
 whilst enduring so great an evil, that we consider 
 him perfectly worthy of filling the vacant rectorship: 
 provided in all respects, that his learning be propor- 
 tionate to his good conduct.— ^V//^«??^^, the tenth 
 day of the Palm-month, in the year three thousand 
 after the great flood." 
 
 To this attestation was annexed a testimonial 
 from the Karatti of the Seminary in which he had 
 been educated, in proof of his learning and scientific 
 erudition ; which document appeared to be of great 
 moment: but what merit is due to a cornuted 
 
80 
 
 schoolman, before other instructors, I must avow I 
 am entirely ignorant of. The purport of this odd 
 kind of attestation was this : among other qualities 
 which an instructor must necessarily possess, mild- 
 ness of disposition is one of the most important ; 
 for, unless he be armed with an iron patience, he 
 will, in despite of his entire stock of knowledge, be 
 very unfit for a schoolman's employment, which 
 ought to be exercised without too much severity and 
 coercion ; in order, by a system of reasoning, in 
 lieu of unseasonable abuse and beating, that a new 
 method of managing children be adopted, whereby 
 their obstinacy may be corrected and their stub- 
 bornness mollified. As no surer proofs of a mild- 
 ness of disposition could be adduced, than the 
 firmness of heart with which he had borne up against 
 so considerable a domestic evil and daily plague, 
 his neighbours had not been scrupulous in recom- 
 mending him on that ground ; in order, by such 
 means, to set in its true light all that might be 
 expected from a schoolman, who, in this respect, 
 had so particularly distinguished himself from all 
 others. 
 
 It was said that the Prince nearly died of laugh- 
 ing at this extraordinary recommendation ; but that 
 he, nevertheless, when he discovered, on reflection, 
 that it was less objectionable than he, in the begin- 
 
81 
 
 ning, had looked upon it to be, presented the vacant 
 rectorship to the petitioner. 
 
 He performed the duties of his office, according 
 to every one's acknowledgment, v^^ith so much 
 propriety and satisfaction, and proved so clearly 
 how children were to be managed by mild and soft 
 measures, that he was looked upon more as a 
 father than a severe disciplinarian. The scholars 
 showed so much diligence in their studies, under 
 the direction of this gentle, pious, and amiable 
 teacher, that, from that day to this, very few schools 
 are to be found in this principality, whence every 
 year so many distinguished, learned, and virtuous 
 trees are discharged as from this* 
 
 As I had many opportunities, during the four 
 years that I was a messenger, of observing, with 
 some degree of accuracy, the state of the country, 
 the condition, habits, and manner of life, of the inha- 
 bitants, T conceive that it will not be unacceptable 
 to the reader, to find hereafter something mentioned, 
 which shall wholly have reference to their police, 
 religion, laws, and sciences ; regarding which, I 
 have heretofore merely thrown out some few hints. 
 
 G 
 
82 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 ON THE STATE OP THE COUNTRY OF POTU, AND THE PEOPLE S 
 WAY OF THINKING. 
 
 The principality of Potu rs confined within very 
 narrow limits, and occupies only a small place upon 
 this globe. The whole planet Nazar contains not 
 more than one thousand to twelve hundred miles in 
 circumference. A person may easily perambulate 
 it without the help of a guide or interpreter, for the 
 same language is spoken throughout every part ; 
 although the inhabitants of Potu differ so widely 
 from those of the other states and provinces, in 
 knowledge and manners. Like the Europeans on 
 our globe, the Potuites have precedence of every 
 other nation ; and after the same manner, they are 
 more renowned for their virtue and understanding 
 than any other people. Upon the high roads are 
 placed, at certain distances, stone pillars, which 
 show the miles ; and to these pillars are fixed pro- 
 
83 
 
 jecting hands, or other marks, which point out the 
 way to every market-town and village ; for the 
 whole principality abounds with villages and mag- 
 nificent towns. But what I consider here as very 
 remarkable, nay very wonderful, is, that all the in- 
 habitants upon this planet speak one universal 
 language ; although every individual nation differs 
 so exceedingly from the rest in condition, customs, 
 manners, knowledge, and endowments of nature. 
 In this respect, the subterraneous planet is a lively 
 picture of the variety in nature, which cannot fail 
 to charm and enrapture the travelling spectator. 
 
 The land is divided by great and small waters ; 
 in which ships are navigated with the help of oars, 
 which are exercised, as one may say, by a magic 
 power ; for they are not, like our oars, plied by 
 human hands, but by very ingenious self-moving 
 machines. The disposition and ingenuity of these 
 admirable machines I am not able to explain, as I 
 am but very litte versed in mathematics. Inde- 
 pendent of that, these trees are so acute and so 
 clever in all their inventions, tliat unless a person 
 possess the eyes of an Argus, and an almost divine 
 understanding, he cannot discover the principle on 
 which they are contrived. 
 
 Their planet, like our earth, has a twofold 
 
 G 2 
 
84 
 
 motion, so that the time with them, as it is with 
 us, is divided into day and night, spring and sum- 
 mer,, autumn and winter ; and those places which 
 are situated nearest to the Poles, are colder than 
 the others. But in respect of the light, for the 
 reason already mentioned, there is scarcely any 
 difference betwixt day and night. Nay, it may be 
 truly said, that the night is more agreeable than the 
 day ; for nothing can be imagined more glittering 
 and dazzling than the light of the sun, which is re- 
 flected from the solid hemisphere, that resembles 
 an excessively large moon covering the whole 
 celestial vault. The inhabitants consist of sundry 
 sorts of trees ; as oaks, limes, poplars, and palm- 
 trees, thorns, and such like ; whence tlie six months, 
 into which the subterraneous year is divided, de- 
 rive their names. Every sixteenth month the 
 planet Nazar returns to the place whence it set out ; 
 but not on any fixed day, on account of the ine- 
 quality of its motion ; for this planet, like our moon, 
 through the variety of its motions, jostles against, 
 and breaks the heads of all, those who reside in the 
 firmament. Their chronologies are various, and 
 are determined by the most remarkable events ; 
 especially by the appearance of a great comet, 
 which, according to their opinions, three thousand 
 years before, occasioned a general deluge ; in which 
 all the generations of the trees, together with the 
 
85 
 
 other remaining animals, were drowned ; some 
 few excepted, that were fortunate enough to save 
 themselves upon high hills, and the tops of moun- 
 tains, from the universal inundation ; and from 
 these are descended the present inhabitants. 
 
 This land abounds in gra'n, herbs, and all sorts 
 of vegetables ; and produces nearly the same fruit 
 as we find in our Europe ; but it yields no oats, 
 which is a matter of little consequence, for they 
 are here not wanted, as on this planet there are no 
 horses. The seas and lakes yield excellent fish, 
 and their margins are studded with the most beautiful 
 country seats and villas — sometimes in connected 
 rows, and then again scattered at different distances 
 in the most charming variety. The common 
 beverage of the inhabitants is prepared from certain 
 herbs, which grow green, and may be gathered all 
 the year round. Those persons who sell this 
 beverage, are generally called Minhalpi^ that is, 
 herb-brewers. They are limited to a certain num- 
 ber in each town, and have, exclusively, the privi- 
 lege of decocting these herbs. Those who have 
 obtained this licence are not allowed to follow any 
 other employment, trade, or profession. All per- 
 sons holding public situations, and receiving salaries, 
 are particularly prohibited from engaging in this 
 branch of commerce ; for it is thought, that, on ac- 
 
86 
 
 count of their credit and influence in the town, they 
 would have it in their power to monopolize all the 
 custom ; and by means of the advantages which 
 they enjoy in the state, they could afford to dispose 
 of their merchandise at a lower price than other 
 people. This we too frequently observe to be the 
 case in oar world ; where men in office, and others 
 receiving public pay, quickly enrich themselves by 
 such means and practices, to tlie great injury of the 
 merchant and the fair trader. 
 
 There exists on this planet a very beneficial law 
 regarding the procreation of children, which tends 
 greatly to promote populosity. It augments and 
 decreases the immunities and advantages which a 
 man has in the state, according to the number of 
 children whereof he is the father. In this wise, he 
 who is the parent of six children, is exempt from 
 all ordinary and extraordinary taxes. I'herefore 
 the begetting of children, and having a numerous 
 progeny, is not less beneficial in the subterraneous 
 world, than it is injurious and burdensome upon our 
 globe, where it is customary to lay a poll-tax upon 
 all infants. 
 
 In the subterraneous world, no person can hold 
 two situations at the same time ; for it is thought 
 tliat a man lias always enough to do in performing 
 
87 
 
 correctly the duties of one office. For that reason, 
 public business is managed — under favour of the 
 inhabitants of our globe be it spoken — much better 
 here than with us. This law and regulation is 
 attended to so strictly, that a physician never 
 studies the whole science of medicine at once ; but 
 confines himself to the acquiring an accurate know- 
 ledge of the nature of one single disease ; and a 
 musician never learns to play on more than one 
 instrument. Things are ordered quite otherwise 
 in our world, where these various avocations prove 
 hurtful to a man's nature ; make him peevish, cap- 
 tious, arid negligent in his occupations ; and where, 
 through a desire of being skilled in every thing, he, 
 in truth, is skilled in nothing. If a physician were 
 to undertake, at the same time, to cure a disease in 
 the human body as well as in the body politic, he 
 would prove himself a bungler in both, and would 
 effect neither; and if a musician were to set him- 
 self up for a virtuoso and a senator, what could one 
 expect from him but insipidity and discords ? We 
 are apt to admire those who venture to undertake 
 several employments at the same time; who in- 
 trude themselves into tlie most important affairs, 
 and are presumptuous enough to think themselves 
 fit for any situation. This, which is caused by their 
 temerity and slender knowledge of their own abili- 
 ties, we are so foolish as to admire ; for if they knew 
 
88 
 
 the importance of the office, and their own incapacity 
 to direct it, they would not only decline accepting 
 these situations, when offered, but would tremble 
 even on hearing them merely named. In the sub- 
 terraneous world, no person undertakes an em- 
 ployment, which he is not fully competent to per- 
 form. I recollect that 1 once heard the great 
 philosopher Rakbasi speak on the subject in these 
 words : — " Every person ought to know his own 
 talents, and rigidly judge of his own fitness and 
 defects. If we do not, then stage-players show 
 more understanding than we ; for they choose, not 
 the best parts, but such parts as they can best 
 perform. Shall, then, stage-players surpass us in 
 knowledge ?'* 
 
 The inhabitants of this principality are not di- 
 vided, as with us, into two classes, nobles and 
 commoners. In former 'times that was the case: 
 but when the Prince observed that this distinction 
 gave rise to a great deal of dissension, he wisely 
 abrogated the custom of precedence which was 
 claimed as a birth-right ; so that at present every 
 tree is honoured and esteemed solely for his 
 virtues, services, and industry. On this head I 
 will enlarge at a future opportunity. The only 
 precedence which birth can now give, is many 
 branches. A child is favoured and respected in 
 
proportion as it possesses many or few of these ; 
 for the greater the number of branches, the more is 
 the tree fit for every kind of labour. I have before 
 hinted something regarding the natural endowments 
 and manners of the Subterraneans, to which I shall, 
 in a future chapter, again draw the attention of the 
 reader. 
 
90 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 ON THE RELIGION OF THE POTUITES. 
 
 The system of religion in Potu consists in only 
 a few chapters, and their whole profession of faith is 
 not much greater than our Apostolic creed. It is 
 here forbidden, under pain of being banished to the 
 firmament, to expound the sacred writings ; and if 
 any person venture to dispute concerning the 
 essence and attributes of the Divinity, and about 
 the nature of ghosts, the soul, and such spiritual 
 matters, he is sentenced to be immediately phle- 
 botomized, and put into the public hospital, or mad- 
 house of the town : " For it is perfectly absurd and 
 preposterous," say they, " for us to attempt to de- 
 scribe and define tliat, wdierein our understanding 
 and comprehension are as blind as an owlet in 
 the sun-shine." They are all united and agreed in 
 the adoration and worship of one Supreme Being, 
 whose omnipotence has created, and whose provi- 
 
91 
 
 (Icnce keeps and preserves, all things. Respecting 
 the form of worshipping this Being, every one is 
 allowed to think and act as he will ; bat those who 
 openly attack the established religion of the state, 
 are punished as public disturbers of the peace. I, 
 for that reason, enjoyed a perfect freedom of thought, 
 and no one persecuted me on account of my re- 
 ligion. 
 
 The Potuites pray very seldom ; but when they 
 do, it is with such fervent devotion, that one might 
 imagine them in rapture ; so long are their prayers. 
 I told them that with us it was customary to pray 
 and sing divine songs and hymns, while managing 
 our domestic concerns, and performing our daily 
 labour ; but this the)^ reprobated. " An earthly 
 Prince," said they, " would take it very much amiss, 
 if a person who came to solicit a favour of him, 
 were, in his presence, to commence brushing his 
 clothes, and combing and dressing his hair." Tliey 
 seemed to have in no wise more relish for our di- 
 vine songs : since they considered it ridiculous for 
 any one to display his penitence, contrition, and 
 afflictive remorse, in musical notes ; as the wrath 
 of the Deity is not to be appeased by a few trills 
 and quavers, and by the sound of a few trumpets 
 and flutes ; but by sighs, and tears, and lamenta- 
 tions. These, and other similar observations, I 
 
92 
 
 could not hearken to without displeasure ; and the 
 greater was it, in consequence of my father, of 
 blessed memory, who was once the parish-clerk 
 and chorister, having, with his own hands, set 
 several psalms to music, which were still sung in 
 the church; and also because I had proposed to 
 myself to solicit the first clerkship that became 
 vacant. I endeavoured, however, to suppress my 
 indignation ; for these* Subterraneans maintain their 
 opinions with so much acuteness, and give to all 
 they say such a power of plausibility, that it is 
 difticult to confute even their grossest errors. They 
 have still more extraordinary opinions on matters 
 of religion ; which they understand just as artfully 
 and ingeniously how to defend. When I, for ex- 
 ample, remarked to several of them, with whom I 
 was on terms of friendship, that they could not 
 expect to be happy in a future state, because they 
 wandered in the dark ways of ignorance ; they re- 
 plied, that he who with too much severity and 
 harshness judged the conduct of others, ran great 
 risk of being judged himself; for no person could 
 condemn another, unless from pride and arrogance ; 
 which are vices that God, who is a lover of hu- 
 mility, detests and abominates in his creatures: 
 besides, to condemn the opinions of other people, 
 and to obtrude our own, is to fancy, like mad- 
 men, that we have engrossed all the knowledge. 
 
93 
 
 and that nobody on earth has a claim to wisdom 
 but ourselves. 
 
 I was once desirous of proving a position ; and 
 advanced such an opinion, and adduced such argu- 
 ments, as I in my conscience felt convinced 
 were well-grounded. My opponent commended 
 both my arguments and proof, and advised me 
 always to believe the evidence of my own con- 
 science, which was a maxim that he himself would 
 never swerve from ; for if every body were to fol- 
 low the dictates of his own conscience, all disputes, 
 and motives for disputes, would soon cease. 
 
 Among other errors, into which the inhabitants 
 of this principality had fallen, were the following: — • 
 Although they did not deny that God rewarded 
 the good and punished the wicked, they were 
 nevertheless of opinion, that the justice of rewards 
 and punishments was not exercised but in a future 
 state. I cited several people who had been punished 
 in this life for their wickedness and impiety. In 
 proof against this objection, they cited just as many 
 ungodly trees, who had been extremely fortunate 
 until their death. " Whenever we have to contend 
 with any opponent," said they, " we supply our- 
 selves with arms alone from the armory of ordinary 
 life, being such as we are able to make use of; and 
 
94 
 
 we observe only those instances which serve to 
 confirm our positions : taking care always to omit 
 such as are injurious to, or militate against us. 1 
 cited myself then as a living evidence of facts, that 
 several persons, who had done me much wrong, 
 had died a miserable death. But that was en- 
 tirely self-love, they answered ; and was the cause 
 of my looking upon myself as better, and of greater 
 importance, in the eyes of the Deity, than otlu^r 
 people, who had suffered the most unparalleled 
 injuries, and yet saw their persecutors live to a 
 good old age, and witnessed their being always 
 fortunate. 
 
 On my once exhorting them to pray daily to 
 God, they replied, that they did not deny, the 
 necessity of prayers ; but still they conceived, that 
 the true worship of the Almighty consisted in obey- 
 ing his ordinances. The simile which they ad- 
 vanced in illustration and proof of their opinions, 
 was the following: — Suppose a Prince had two 
 kinds of subjects ; and that the one kind, either 
 through weakness, human frailty, or from wicked- 
 ness, transgressed his commands every day ; yet 
 these people were hourly coming, one or the other, 
 to the Prince's palace, with solicitations and depre- 
 cations, and begging pardon for the faults and 
 crimes they had committed, and which they were 
 
95 
 
 desirous of committing anew. The other kind 
 came very seldom, or never, on their own accord, 
 to the Court ; but followed and executed faithfully 
 and exactly the Prince's commands ; and in so 
 doing, paid him all the honour and obedience, which 
 they as good subjects were indebted to him. Can 
 any one now doubt, which the Prince would look 
 upon as men, and deserving of his favour; and 
 which, on the other hand, he would consider as bad, 
 useless, and troublesome subjects, and condemn, 
 as well on account of their innumerable vices and 
 errors, as their continual importunities ? 
 
 I frequently involved myself in these and similar 
 controversies, but arguments were always fruitless ; 
 for I found it impossible to bring any one over to 
 my way of thinking. I shall therefore skip over 
 a great number, and confine myself to quoting 
 merely the principal and most remarkable dogmas 
 of their religion ; leaving it to the reader's own 
 judgment to approve of, or condemn, them as he 
 may think fit. 
 
 The Potuites believe in only one true and om- 
 nipotent God, the maker and upholder of all things. 
 They prove his omnipotence and unity, by the 
 immensity, order, disposition, and harmony of the 
 creation ; and as they are profoundly skilled in 
 
96 
 
 natural philosophy and astronomy, they have such 
 •clear and exalted conceptions of the essence and 
 attributes of the Divinity, that they consider it as 
 absurd for any one to attempt to define, what so 
 infinitely exceeds his power of comprehension. 
 They have but five festivals in the whole year ; the 
 first of which is celebrated with great devotion, in 
 pitch-dark places, into which no ray of light can 
 possibly intrude ; in order thereby to signify, that 
 the Being which they worship is incomprehensible. 
 In these places they remain immoveable and rapt 
 in divine adoration, from sun-rise to sun-set. 
 This feast is called The Day of the Incomprehensi- 
 ble God, and happens on the first day of the Oak- 
 month. On the other four festivals, which are 
 celebrated in the four seasons of the year, they 
 return thanks to God for all the kind beneficence 
 which he has shown them. It is very rare that any 
 person stays away from these religious assemblies; 
 and he who neglects to attend them, without very 
 cogent reasons for his absence, is looked upon as 
 a bad subject, and is held by every body in the 
 utmost contempt. Their public prayers are so 
 composed, that they have no relation to the sup- 
 plicator, but merely to the prosperity of the Prince 
 and of the state. No one prays publicly for him- 
 self. This regulation is intended to signify, that 
 t^ie welfare of every individual is so closely con- 
 
97 
 
 hected with the well-being of all, that it is not pos- 
 sible for the one to exist without the other. No 
 person is obliged under any penalty to attend 
 public worship ; for it is considered that piety con- 
 sists principally in charity ; and experience teaches 
 us, that virtue is more liable to be cooled by com- 
 pulsory measures, than warmed ; therefore they 
 look upon it to be not only useless, but also 
 hurtful, to coerce any person by main force to the 
 worship of God. A man, said they, who desired 
 mutual love from his wife, and undertook, by means 
 of boxes on the ear and fillips on the nose, to chase 
 away her coolness, would, instead of lighting up 
 the last spark of affection still remaining in her 
 bosom, entirely extinguish it ; and her indifference 
 would verge into hatred and dislike. 
 
 The Potuites, in former times, sought to appease 
 the wrath of the Godhead with offerings, splendid 
 processions, and other ceremonies. This external 
 worship of the Deity endured till the renowned 
 philosopher Ciynali, about eight hundred years 
 ago, stood forward as the reformer of the religion ; 
 and published a book called Sebolac-iacsi, or, 
 the Time Reinarks of a Religious Tree. This 
 book I read very sedulously to the end ; and con- 
 sidered it a work of which I should never be weary. 
 It contains theological dogmas and moral maxims, 
 
 H 
 
98 
 
 which the Potuites learn by heart. The subter- 
 raneous reformer abolishes the offerings and such 
 like customs, upon the following grounds. — Those 
 virtues, says he, are only real virtues, whereof 
 the practice is troublestmie and difficult to the 
 corrupt heart. To make offerings, to sing psalms, 
 to keep every other day sacred, in honour of the 
 ashes of the dead, and to walk in procession with 
 the effigies of saints, partake much more of the 
 nature of devout idleness than of spiritual busi- 
 ness: if such may be called spiritual business, 
 which every vicious-minded person can readily 
 exercise, without its costing him the least self-de- 
 nial. But he who endeavours with all his means 
 to relieve the indigent, to govern his temper, and 
 subdue his revengefulness ; who combats manfully 
 against all concupiscence and lust, and strives 
 with all his might to curb his darling passions,— ex- 
 hibits alone the true sign of virtue and the fear of 
 God. A splendid uniform, and glittering arms, 
 are marks which distinguish the warrior from the 
 man in trade : but the hero is always known by his 
 bravery and valour ; and by his patient suffering, 
 unreluctant toils, and sacrifice of life and limbs, for 
 his beloved father-land." With such like examples, 
 Ciynali has endeavoured to strengthen his precepts ; 
 and as the Potuites obser\'e them very strictly, the 
 converters, or the so-called missionaries, of the 
 
99 
 
 Romish Church, who enjoin so much the observance 
 of ceremonies, and promise paradise to all who 
 worship relics and images, or during forty days 
 glut and satiate themselves with the dainties and 
 delicacies of the fields, vineyards, seas, oceans, 
 and rivers, would lose both their time and labour 
 among a people like this. 
 
 These arc the theological tenets of the Potuites ; 
 which will, no doubt, strike some of my readers, 
 as it struck me from the beginning, that this is the 
 clear, pure, and unmystified religion of nature. 
 These people, however, affirm and insist that this 
 knowledge and doctrine were divinely revealed to 
 them ; and that they, some hundreds of years be- 
 fore, had received a book, wherein was written, 
 and which still teaches them, all they should be- 
 lieve and do. In the earliest times, said they, 
 their forefathers believed in, and were contented 
 with, the plain and simple religion of nature: but 
 as experience had taught them, that the clear light 
 of nature was not sufficient to illumine the darkness 
 of a world of people ; since the moral feelings of 
 some were not unfrequently paralyzed by slothful- 
 ness, indolence, and supiness ; and the conceptions 
 of others, by a keen and subtle philosophy, and 
 through unbridled reveries and speculations, were 
 too often blunted and perverted ; — the Almighty had 
 
 H 2 
 
100 
 
 given them a written revelation ; the necessity 
 whereof appeared to them indubitable. 
 
 Although there appeared a great deal in the 
 theology of the Potuites to which T could not con- 
 scientiously subscribe, yet I must candidly and 
 frankly acknowledge, that there was much whereto 
 I could not refuse my complete assent. What 
 seemed to me, for example, not only to deserve 
 approbation, but also to be worthy of admiration, 
 was the custom which they, in the time of war, ob- 
 served on returning home victorious from a battle, 
 — that instead of breaking out, as we do, into loud 
 acclamations, and siiiging Te Deiun, they passed 
 several days in mournful silence ; as if they re- 
 reproached themselves, and were ashamed of a 
 victory which had cost so many of their brethren 
 and fellow-creatures their lives. For this reason, 
 there is very little mentioned about battles, mas- 
 sacres, and bloodshed, in the subterraneous his- 
 tories and annals ; they being chiefly filled with 
 civil matters, ordinances, laws, and institutions. 
 
101 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 THE CONSTITUTION OF POTU. 
 
 In the principality of Potu, the government is 
 hereditary in a right line. It has been so for some 
 tliousands of years, and it still continues to go on in 
 the same way. It is only to be found once in the 
 annals, that the Potuites altered this regulation in 
 the hereditary succession ; for as sound reason 
 seemed to demand that the Regent should surpass 
 his subjects in understanding and talents, many 
 were of opinion, that more regard ought to be paid 
 to the qualities of the mind, than to precedence by 
 birth, and that he who eminently possessed the 
 former deserved to be elected as Regent. For 
 this reason, they abrogated the ancient hereditary 
 succession, and appointed, without a dissentient 
 voice, the philosopher Rabakic as their Prince. 
 He reigned, in the beginning, with so much pra- 
 dence and mildness, that he might have sensed as 
 
102 
 
 a pcitterii to all regents. This continued, however, 
 not long ; and the Potuites perceived too late, how 
 unfounded is the proverb, which says, that a state 
 is fortunate that has a philosopher at the helm of 
 affairs. For as the new Prince was of low extrac- 
 tion, his virtues and art of governing were not 
 sufficient to procure him that honour and respect 
 which constitute the strength of a state. Those 
 persons who had lately been his equals or supe- 
 riors, notwithstanding his accession to the throne, 
 still looked upon him in the same light; and for that 
 reason they refused to obey him as their Prince. 
 They murmured at his ordinances, because th(y 
 were, in some measure, troublesome to them ; and 
 they then reflected only on what he had been, and 
 not on what he was. He endeavoured, by means 
 of prayers and adukition, to procure obedience from 
 them, but with these he effected nothing. His com- 
 mands continued still to be treated w^ith contempt, 
 because his person was not esteemed. Rabaku 
 perceived that other means must be resorted to, and 
 began to adopt rigorous measures. By reason 
 uf his flying to the other extremity, the spark 
 which had for some time been smouldering in the 
 ashes, now broke into an ardent flame. His sub- 
 jects openly opposed him, and one ill-suppressed 
 insurrection was followed by another. At length he 
 obsei-ved that Ww state could not possibly sul^sist. 
 
103 
 
 unless it were governed by a Regent who was of a 
 noble family, and the memory of whose ancestors 
 might infuse into the minds of the people sentiments 
 of respect and submission ; he therefore resigned 
 the government, and transferred the regal power to 
 a Prince whose birth entitled him to possess it. 
 Tranquillity returned with the ancient royal family, 
 and the tempest, which had so long convulsed the 
 state, was now appeased. Thereupon it was for- 
 bidden, from thenceforth, under pain of death, to 
 make the least change in the hereditary succession. 
 
 This form of direct line will, in all probability, re- 
 main for ever inviolate in Potu ; so that unless it be 
 a case of the utmost necessity, primogeniture will 
 not be excluded. The annals, however, make 
 mention of a philosopher, who attempted to repeal 
 this royal law, and devised a medium. His propo- 
 sition w^as, that the royal family should not be 
 excluded ; but that he, from among the sons of the 
 deceased Prince, should be elected Regent, who 
 exhibited the most fitness, and possessed the most 
 qualifications, to support the weight of government. 
 When he had made his proposition, he subjected 
 himself to the trial which was customary in his 
 country, and suffered a rope to be put round his 
 neck, while the utility of the proposition was deli- 
 berated upon. When the assembly of the senate 
 
104 
 
 had concluded their deliberation, and the votes 
 were counted for and against the motion, this plan 
 was declared to be ill-advised and highly injurious 
 to the interests of the state. It was thought that such 
 a law would give rise to much dissension, and excite 
 quarrels among the royal children; and, conse- 
 quently, it was deemed far better to maintain the 
 ancient one, which appointed the first-born Prince 
 to the government, although he might be less fit for 
 the weighty affair than the others. 
 
 Thus was the plan rejected, and the projector 
 hanged. These are the only persons, in this princi- 
 pality, who are punished with deatli ; as it is thought 
 every new change, although well considered, not 
 only gives rise to broils and disorder in the state, 
 but, in case it be absurd, entirely subverts and de- 
 stroys its best interests. 
 
 The power of the Princes of Potu is absolute ; 
 their government, for that reason, is rather paternal 
 than rigorous ; for, as they exercise justice accord- 
 ing to principles, and not strictly according to the 
 statute law, they know always how to unite domi- 
 nion with liberty,— two things which are otherwise 
 so easily disjoined. 
 
 One of the most beneficial regulations here is. 
 
105 
 
 that the Prince endeavours, as mucli as possible, to 
 preseiTe an equality among his subjects. Dignity 
 is here not attached to any condition ; the inferiors 
 are alone obliged to obey their superiors, and youth 
 to honour old age. The subterraneous annals show, 
 that some hundred of years before, there existed 
 certain degrees of rank, which were constituted 
 among them by public law ; but they show, at the 
 same time, that those distinctions gave rise to much 
 dissension. It was painful to the elder brothers to 
 be obliged to give way to the younger ; nor could 
 parents bear to see themselves thrust back by their 
 children : one tree shunned the other, and all inter- 
 course and sociableness were at an end. But tliese 
 were not the only inconveniences which ensued. 
 By degrees, things were brought to such a pitch, 
 that the best and most clever trees, which nature had 
 endued with the greatest faculties and largest num- 
 ber of branches, were obliged, at every banquet or 
 assembly, to sit the lowest in order ; for those trees 
 which possessed some intrinsic worth, and were 
 sufficiently distinguished by prudence and virtue, 
 could never condescend to seek any rank or title, in 
 order to claim the right of precedence. The mean 
 and useless trees employed means to conceal their 
 natural defects with dignified titles of honour, and 
 importuned the Prince incessantly with their suits 
 and solicitations. He granted their requests, in 
 
106 
 
 r)rder to please and get rid of them ; and at length 
 the titles became no other than a sign for the inept 
 and useless trees. Foreigners could not refrain 
 from laughing, when they beheld, at banquets and in 
 solemn assemblies, that thorn-bushes took prece- 
 dence, and were seated on the foremost branches, 
 while palm-trees, cedars, and respectable oaks, with 
 ten or eleven branches, were placed behind ; for so 
 long as this form of government continued, almost 
 all the thorn-bushes bore some characteristic of 
 quality. The females among them obtained the 
 titles of counsellors of economy, counsellors of 
 domestic affairs, and counsellors of the Prince's 
 privy council ; but greater dissensions, in conse- 
 quence, were created in this sex than in the other. 
 Some trees went so far in frivolous ambition, that 
 they who by nature possessed only two or three 
 branches, were desirous of having ten or twelve- 
 branched titles, and thorn-bushes wished to be 
 called palm-trees. This was about as ridiculous as 
 a monster's wishing to have the title of high-born, 
 or a person of mean birth insisting on being called 
 right noble. When this calamity had risen to its 
 highest pitch, so that the whole country was 
 em]>roiled and in confusion, — as all were hunting 
 after mere empty names and titles, which had 
 neither honour nor merit, — a burgher of the city of 
 Keba ventured to propose a law, by which this 
 
107 
 
 custom should be abolished. lie was, in the usual 
 manner, drai^ged along to the market-place with a 
 rope round his neck ; but after a council had been 
 held upon it, and the votes were collected, his 
 proposition was unaminously approved of, as highly 
 advantageous to the state. He was thereupon 
 adorned with a garland of {lowers, and conducted in 
 triumph through the city, accompanied by an im- 
 mense concourse of people, uttering shouts of joy. 
 And as it was in the course of time seen of what 
 benefit his proposition had been to the state, he 
 was appointed to the situation of Kadoki, or 
 Lord Chancellor, 
 
 From that time forward, the law, which pro- 
 nounces equality to every citizen, was strictly 
 observed. Altliough all titles were abolished, the 
 desire of emulation did not stop here ; but one 
 endeavoured to excel another in virtue and merit. 
 It may be seen in the subterraneous history, that 
 since that time there has not been more than one 
 projector, who twice endeavoured, clandestinely, to 
 introduce again into the state the former regulation 
 respecting rank : but on his first attempt he was 
 sentenced to be phlebotomized; and being after- 
 wards accused of still labouring to accomplish his 
 wishes, he was condemned to be banished to the 
 firmament. At present, neither rank nor title exists 
 
108 
 
 in this principality ; the supreme authority, how- 
 ever, grants a precedence to certain professions over 
 others ; but no one obtains right, in consequence, of 
 claiming the foremost place in public assemblies. 
 A distinction is observable in the royal decrees, 
 which usually end with these words : " Hereunto 
 we enjoin and command all our peasants, manufac- 
 turers, merchants, craftsmen, philosophers, artists, 
 courtiers," &c. I now come to the following regu- 
 lation concerning rank, which is preserved in the 
 royal archives : — 
 
 1. Those who, in the time of need, have assisted 
 the state with their property. 
 
 2. Those' who serve the state without fee or 
 reward. 
 
 3. Peasants and husbandmen,with eight branches 
 and upwards. 
 
 4. Peasants, with seven branches and under. 
 
 5. Those who have established fabrics or manu- 
 factories. 
 
 6. Those who practise the necessarj^ handicrafts. 
 
 7. Philosophers, and regularly created doctors, of 
 both sexes. 
 
 8. Artists. 
 
 9. Merchants. 
 
 10. Courtiers with a salary of five hundred rupa- 
 ters. 
 
109 
 
 11. Courtiers with a salary of a thousand rupa- 
 ters. 
 
 I found this ordinance respecting rank exceedingly 
 ridiculous ; and I doubt much whether any one in 
 our world will approve of it. I, nevertheless, pretty 
 well smelled what the subterraneans aimed at, and 
 the foundation en which they built it ; but I must 
 acknowledge that it still appears to me very extra- 
 ordinary, and which I cannot fully comprehend. 
 
 Among other remarkable things, the following is 
 worthy of observ^ation. — The greater the advantages 
 are that a person here enjoys in the state, the more 
 modestly and humbly he demeans himself. I re- 
 member the time when Bospolak, the richest citizen 
 in Potu, saluted all who met him in the street very 
 courteously and condescendingly ; he even bent 
 down all his branches and bowed his head low in 
 passing every tree of the commonalty. When I 
 asked the reason of this, I was answered th;it it was 
 no more than his duty, for as he enjoyed the great- 
 est advantage in the state, he was consequently 
 indebted the most to it. There is, however, no law 
 for this courteousness and condescension ; but as 
 the inhabitants always act with deliberation and 
 judgment, they practise this virtue voluntarily, and 
 regard the precepts of gratitude as a law. Things 
 
110 
 
 ai'e widely different upon our globe, where those 
 who enjoy the greatest honour and the most advan- 
 tage in the state, look upon those in a lower station 
 of life with the utmost contempt. Those who have 
 a numerous progeny are considered here the most 
 deserving citizens, and are reverenced by all with- 
 out exception. These are the subterranean heroes, 
 the memories of whom are always sacred to poste- 
 rity. I'hey alone acquire the appellation of Great, 
 With us, on the contrary, the destroyers of the 
 human race are distinguished by, and honoured 
 with, this epithet. From what has been said, we 
 may easily observe in what estimation the subter- 
 raneous vvorld would have held Alexander the Great 
 and Julius Caesar; both of whom died without 
 issue, and were the murderers of millions of human 
 beings. This calls to my recollection the following 
 epitaph, which I saw written upon the tomb-stone 
 of a peasant in Keba : — " Here lies Joktan the Greal^ 
 ihe Hero of his time, and Father of thirty Chil- 
 dren.^' It must, however, be remarked, that to 
 deserve the epithet of Great, more is required than 
 the mere begetting of children ; they must also be 
 well brought up. 
 
 In legislating, they proceed here almost in the 
 same manner as was formerly the case among the 
 Romans, very slowly to work. The new ordinance 
 
Ill 
 
 or law is first posted up against the town-hall in 
 every town, where it is free for all persons to 
 examine and make objections against it, if they 
 think fit, and lay them before an assembly of men 
 of wisdom and discernment, who are appointed to 
 sit in Potu for that purpose. Every thing that is 
 suggested for the confirming, altering, abolishing, 
 correcting, restricting, or extending the law, is here 
 accurately weighed and considered ; and when it 
 has, in this manner, been revised by all those who 
 are versed in the law, it is then laid before the 
 Prince for his assent and signature, previous to its 
 being published. Many, probably, will find this 
 slow way of proceeding ridiculous ; but the conse- 
 quence of this cautiousness is, that the laws never 
 lose their force ; nor is there, as it is said, a single 
 law or statute in this principality, which has under- 
 gone the least alteration fur these five hundred 
 years. 
 
 The Prince possesses designations of all the best 
 trees in his dominions, which are accompanied by 
 attestations, concerning every one's fitness, from 
 the examining Karatti, and a testimony from the 
 headborough and neighbours respecting every one's 
 way of thinking and conduct. The Prince knows, 
 therefore, always where to find clever trees to fill 
 the vacant situations. There is here a very singular 
 
112 
 
 and extraordinary measure adopted, which is, that 
 no person shall fix his abode in any city or town, 
 unless he bring an attestation regarding his honesty 
 and morality from the town or country where he 
 has last resided, and give security for his good be- 
 haviour for the future. 
 
 No person dare, under pain of death, make any 
 remarks on a law which has once been published. 
 In consequence of this, there will be found less 
 liberty in political, than in religious matters. The 
 reason which they assign for it is this : Whoso- 
 ever errs in religion, or the articles of his faith, 
 does that alone to his own injury ; but he who 
 throws a doubt upon the public law, and distorts it 
 by his comments and elucidations, puts the whole 
 state into confusion. 
 
 Respecting the Prince's household, and its 
 economy, 1 have already made some remarks. I 
 mentioned, that the Kadoki, or Lord Chancellor, 
 held the first place among the courtiers. Next to him 
 comes the Smirian^ or First Lord of the Treasury. 
 During my time, this office was filled by a seven- 
 branched widow, of the name of Rahagna. Her 
 virtuous way of thinking and great talents had 
 raised her to that important post. She had been 
 invested with this office for a length of time, even 
 
113 
 
 for sonK^ 3'oars before the death of her husband ; 
 for although he had had a pretty good insight into 
 Hnancial affairs, he still was governed in every thing 
 by his v^^ife, and might more correctly be called her 
 steward than her lawfully married lord. When his 
 wife was in the straw, or from any other cause lay in- 
 disposed, he then issued his letters and orders in his 
 own name ; but they were never considered valid, 
 unless she at the same time signed them and affixed 
 thereunto her seal. Rahagiia had two brothers, 
 the one was butler, and the other butcher, to the 
 Court; but they, however, durst not think, even 
 with the assistance of their distinguislied sister, 
 of any higher promotion, as they possessed not tDe 
 least understanding : in this wise do they here show 
 their justice and equity in dispensing favours. 
 
 j!\lthough Rahagna had so many and important 
 occupations, she nevertheless gave suck herself to 
 the child of which she was delivered after her hus- 
 band's death. When I expressed my opinion that 
 I thought this was a labour too incommodious, 
 troublesome, and improper for a lady of her rank, 
 the inhabitants replied in the following words : — 
 " For what reason d'ye think that nature has given 
 women breasts? are they as ornaments to the 
 body, or to afford nourishment to the child ? The 
 bringing up of the child depends much upon the 
 
114 
 
 formation of the nurse's mind, and the goodness of 
 her milk ; and those mothers who suffer other 
 women to suckle and nurture their children, rend in 
 twain the natural tie of affection and of the soul." 
 This is the reason why all honest and well-bred 
 women suckle their own infants. 
 
 The Crown Prince was a child of six years of age, 
 and betrayed signs of a distinguished capacity and 
 shining virtues. He possessed already six branches, 
 which are considered very uncommon at that age ; 
 for no one is born with more than five, or at the 
 most six branches ; the others shoot out as their 
 years increase. He had a tutor, who was the 
 most sage tree in the whole principality ; and who 
 taught him divinity, history, the mathematics, and 
 moral pliilosophy. I have myself had the oppor- 
 tunity of seeing the politico-moral system, or com- 
 pendium of ethics and politics, which he had 
 written for the young Prince's use. The title of 
 this compendium is Mahalda lihah Nelit, which in 
 the subterraneous language signifies The Helm of 
 the State. It contains many fundamental and 
 beneficial rules, whereof I still remember the 
 following : — 
 
 1 . " Neither accusation nor recommendation ought 
 to be listened to, nor acted upon, with too much 
 
115 
 
 temerity and precipitancy ; but the judgment should 
 be deferred until accurate information has been 
 obtained regarding the matter. 
 
 2. " When a person is accused and convicted of 
 a crime, one ought to inquire and ascertain, whether 
 the accused has at any time previous done any good 
 action; if so, compare the good with the evil, and 
 give judgment accordingly. 
 
 3. " Those who are the most troublesome to the 
 Prince, in his Council, with their opposition, ought 
 to be looked upon as the most honest subjects, and 
 the most deserving of confidence ; for no man will 
 expose himself to danger for the sake of truth, un- 
 less he have the prosperity of his country more at 
 heart than his own welfare. 
 
 4. " The Prince ought not to admit any persons 
 into his Council who do not possess great wealth, 
 and real estates, in his dominion ; for their pros- 
 perity and advantage ai'e inseparable from the true 
 interests of the state ; while, on the contrary, those 
 who possess no real property in the em [lire, scarcely 
 consider it their father-land : but rather look upon 
 it as an inn or hotel, where their stav is but for a 
 short time. 
 
 J 2 
 
IIG 
 
 5. " For a time, the services of a villain may 
 be employed to advantage, provided he be well 
 qualified for certain occupations ; but it is not ad- 
 visable to vouchsafe him any particular favour: 
 for when an iniquitous or vicious man is received 
 among the Prince's friends, a number of equally- 
 bad citizens, with his assistance, rise to preferment 
 and intrude themselves into the public situations. 
 
 6. " The Prince must have the least confidence 
 in that man who the most overruns him, and is the 
 oftencst seen at Court : those who frequently, and 
 uncalled for, are observed in the anti»-chamber, have 
 either done something amiss, or have some evil 
 design. 
 
 7. "He ought the least of all to promote those 
 who are the most zealous and ardent after honour. 
 So certain as it is that no person asks alms, unless 
 he be hungry or needy, it is equally certain, that 
 no one endeavours more vehemently after external 
 honour than he who cannot attain to renown through 
 virtue or merit." 
 
 The following is a very beneficial rule ; but I could 
 not approve of it, on account of the offensive ex- 
 ami)le with which it was illustrated. It runs nearly 
 as follows : — 
 
8. " No citizen can be looked upon as entirely 
 useless and unfit for any thing. No one is so stupid 
 that he cannot be employed in some way or other, 
 where he would, perhaps, even surpass others, 
 were it only known which was the right employ- 
 ment to choose. One person may possess great 
 judgment, another ingenuity ; one stability and 
 firmness of mind, another strength of body ; one 
 may be employed as a judge, another as a writer ; 
 one may he capable of making discoveries and form- 
 ing plans, another clever at executing them : few 
 are completely useless. That so many are looked 
 upon as such, is not the fault of the Creator, but of 
 man himself, who neglects to examine strictly his 
 own powers and capability." 
 
 This was now illustrated with the following instance 
 of myself: — " We have, in our time, seen a wonder- 
 ful animal, which, by reason of his quick conception, 
 was looked upon as entirely useless ; but his nimble 
 feet have proved him of the greatest advantage and 
 benefit to us." When I had read thus much, said I 
 to myself: The exordium was written by an honest 
 man, but the peroration by a scoundrel. 
 
 9. " One of the Regent's most important duties 
 is, that he select a fit person to be tutor to his 
 successor. As the prosperity of the whole state 
 
118 
 
 depends upon the instructions which the Crown 
 Prince receives, it is essential tliat he who has the 
 care of his education should be a clever and skil- 
 ful man. That which ' a person learns in his youth 
 becomes afterwards a second nature. The tutor 
 must particularly be a great patriot, and every rule 
 which he sets before the Prince must tend to instil 
 into his heart affection for his subjects. 
 
 10. " The Prince ought to be well acquainted 
 with his subjects' way of thinking, and act accord- 
 ingly ; and if he will restrain vice and prevent 
 crimes, these must be effected more by examples 
 from himself, than by the rigour of the law. The 
 influence of example is always great in proportion 
 to the dignity of the person who sets it. 
 
 11. " He ought not to allow any one to remain 
 idle ; for lazy persons are a burden to the country. 
 The power of the state increases by means of care 
 and industry, but is weakened through plots, 
 sedition, and conspiracies ; the consequences of 
 noxious indolence. It is far better that the 
 citizens should employ their time about trifles, at 
 plays, and other diversions, than they should re- 
 main entirely unoccupied. 
 
 12. '* The Prince ought to maintain peace and 
 
119 
 
 harmony among his subjects ; but it may be very 
 beneficial to keep up a kind of jealousy among 
 his counsellors of state ; for by these means, 
 the truth, of which he miglit, perhaps, otlierwise 
 remain ignorant, is frequently brought to light: a 
 judge will oft obtain a more accurate information, 
 and idea of the law-suit in which he is presiding, 
 through the controversy and disputes of the advo- 
 cates. 
 
 13. " The Prince will do wisely, in all matters of 
 importance, to hearken to the opinion of the whole 
 Senate. But the surer way is to examine and sift 
 every one singly, rather than altogether, in the 
 Council when assembled. For in public assemblies, 
 where every person can openly express his senti- 
 ments, it frequently happens, that the power of 
 eloquence of one man will sway the opinions of 
 the others, so that the Prince, instead of hearing 
 the sentiments of many, will in reality only have 
 heard those of one individual. 
 
 14. " Punishments are not less necessarv than 
 rewards. The first restrain vice, as the latter pro- 
 mote virtue. It is expedi(mt even to reward a 
 vicious man, when he has performed a good action, 
 in order that it may encourage others, so much the 
 more, to a strict observance of their dutv. 
 
120 
 
 15. " Sound reason teaches lis, that the fitness of 
 the person, in particular, ought to be looked to, on 
 promoting any one to a public situation. As up- 
 rightness and integrity are the principal recommen- 
 dations, one is too often deceived by the appearance 
 of these virtues ; for, in order to pave the way to 
 office, every one will assume the air of them. 
 Besides, one never can with certainty judge of a 
 man's probity and honesty before he is in office : it 
 is the true theatre upon which he generally exhibits 
 to the world his real worth and virtue. But the 
 fitness or qualifications might easily be proved by 
 means of a preliminary examination. The stupid 
 or ignorant man is not able so easily to conceal his 
 ignorance, as the hypocrite to feign himself honest, 
 and the villain to dissemble his wickedness. Fit- 
 ness and honesty are not discordant qualities: they 
 may be as well found united in the same person, as 
 that honesty and stupidity may be separate. But 
 he who possesses both fitness and honesty is a 
 perfect man. A stupid man has either a good or 
 a bad heart : is he wicked ? we then know what 
 heinousness may proceed from stupidity united with 
 wickedness ; but if he be honest, the virtues which 
 he possesses cannot be brought into action, on 
 account of his ignorance ; and in case he dare not, 
 or cannot, of himself, commit a crime, his officers or 
 servants may do so, because he has need of their 
 
121 
 
 services. A stupid land-owner readily engages a 
 crafty steward ; and an ignorant justice of the peace^ 
 a keen and artful secretary, who deceives without 
 fear, and lays the blame to his master, if any thing 
 miscarries. Fitness is therefore of the greatest 
 importance to be looked to in promotions. 
 
 1 6. " It is inconsiderate to set those persons down 
 as ambitious, who strive after honourable employ- 
 ments in the state, if they find themselves duly 
 qualified to undertake them ; or to declare those 
 persons proud, who take pains to obtain such occu- 
 pations. Should the Prince, in conferring his offices, 
 be inclined to look too closely to humility, then the 
 most haughty will immediately put on the mask of 
 humility, that they may the more quickly and surely 
 obtain their end. The Prince would, in such a case, 
 contrary to his own intention, only promote the most 
 ambitious men, who, with the modest air of virtue, 
 had dissembled their feelings, as if they hated 
 ostentation, and were lovers of quiet, and who had 
 allowed their friends to spread the rumour, that they 
 detested public honour. As a confirmation hereof, 
 the following example was quoted : — An important 
 ofiice was vacant ; and a great man, who desired to 
 obtain the appointment to it, wrote to the Prince, 
 saying, that he had heard that his Serene Highness 
 had determined on conferring upon him this post. 
 
122 
 
 after which so many were striving ; but lie must beg 
 to be excused from it, acknowledging that he was 
 not qualified to fill it ; on the contrary, he most 
 humbly entreated that some one else, better qua- 
 lified than himself, might enjoy this honour — and the 
 more so, as he himself was contented with his pre- 
 sent condition, and strove not after greater honour. 
 The Prince had not once thought of such a thing ; 
 but this proof of humility affected him so much, that 
 he conferred the office upon him who had declined 
 it. But he soon observed that he had been deceived 
 by a feigned humility ; as this new courtier sur- 
 passed all others in haughtiness, impudence, and 
 effrontery. 
 
 17. " To appoint an indigent man or a bankrupt 
 as treasurer, is equivalent to appointing an hungry 
 wolf to the post of purveyor of the kitchen, or 
 steward of the larder. The same remark holds 
 good in regard to a rich miser ; for the one has 
 nothing, and the other can never get enough. 
 
 18. " The Prince ought not to confirm legacies 
 and endowments, which have for their object the sup- 
 porting of lazy and slothful trees, and nourishing 
 their indolence. For that reason, no one should be 
 received into a monastery or other institution in this 
 principality, unless they are very industrious, assi- 
 
123 
 
 duous, and skilful trees, that can either be of service 
 to the state through handiwork, or honour the 
 society whereof they are members, with their learn- 
 ing and knowledge. Some few monasteries must, 
 however, be excepted, in which old and decrepit 
 trees are supported ; for they, by reason of their 
 advanced age, ought to be exempt from labour. 
 
 19. "When crimes in the state render a refor- 
 mation necessary, it will be expedient to go slowly 
 to work. To attempt at once, by coercion, to 
 extirpate all old and deep-rooted errors, is the 
 same as prescribing to a sick man an emetic, a 
 purge, and phlebotomy, at the same time. 
 
 20. " Those who are audacious enough to promise 
 every thing, and undertake, at the same time, many 
 occupations, are (^ither fools who are unacquainted 
 with their own abilities and the importance of the 
 affair, or bad and dishonest citizens who alone 
 consider tlieir own welfare, and not the prosperity 
 of the state. The prudent man proves his strength 
 before he takes the load upon his shoulders, and 
 the honest citizen is incapable of performing any 
 of the important offices of state with precipitancy." 
 
124 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 ON THE SCHOOLS IN POTU. 
 
 This principality has three academies; the first 
 whereof is in Potu, the second in Keba^ and the 
 third in Nahami. The sciences which are there 
 taught, are History, Economy, Mathematics, and 
 Jurisprudence. As theh* theology is so short, that 
 it might be written almost on two pages, and con- 
 tains no other doctrine than that we shall love and 
 honour God, the Creator and Director of all things, 
 who will reward us in a future state for our virtues, 
 and punish us for our vices ; it is not an academical 
 science, and never can be, since it is rigorously for- 
 bidden, by law, to dispute concerning the nature of 
 the Deity and his attributes. Neither is medicine 
 reckoned among the academical sciences ; for as the 
 trees live very temperately and regularly, they 
 scarcely know any thing of internal diseases. I 
 shall not touch upon metaphysics and the tran- 
 
125 
 
 scentlental sciences, as I have lately mentioned that 
 those who dispute regarding the Divine being, the 
 attributes of the angels, and the nature of the soul, 
 are ordered to be phlebotomized, and conveyed to 
 the lunatic hospital, or to bridewell. 
 
 The academical exercises are as follow .-—During 
 the first years, the young students are obliged to 
 solve abstruse and difficult questions. These are 
 l)roposed at certain times, and a reward is set forth 
 to him who solves them in the most correct manner. 
 By these means, the directors or professors of the 
 sciences discover the true proficiency that every one 
 makes, and to which profession his bias leans. No 
 person studies more than one science, for poly-his- 
 tory is looked upon as a proof of a fickle and 
 unsteady mind. The studies not being very prolix 
 or diffuse, they are learned to perfection in a short 
 time. The preceptors themselves are obliged, 
 every year, to give proof of their erudition r^'the' 
 professor of philosophy must solve a problem in 
 ethics ; the professor of history has to produce an 
 historical piece; the professors of economy and 
 mathematics are obliged to improve their knowledge 
 by one or other new discovery ; and those versed in 
 the law must produce beautiful and adapted orations, 
 they being the only persons allowed to ])ractise 
 rhetoric, as these exercises, properly speaking, can 
 
126 
 
 only be of use to those who plead causes at the bar. 
 I related to them that all academical trials of rhetoric 
 were out of fashion with us ; but they condemned 
 this regulation, saying, that if all mechanics or 
 craftsmen were to make only shoes in a masterly 
 manner, the greatest part of other work would be 
 done very ill, and shoemakers alone would gain the 
 prizes. I named merely rhetoric ; for I durst not 
 mention the disputations, as the inhabitants in the 
 subterraneous world reckoned these among jugglers' 
 tricks. Their public teachers do not explain the 
 beneficial and salutary truths in so rigorous and 
 imperative a manner as the philosophers with us ; 
 but they blend beautiful and agreeable narratives 
 and recitals with their rules of teaching, so that they 
 are hearkened to with pleasure. 
 
 The gravity and air with which all academical 
 matters and advancements are here conducted, are 
 quite worthy of admiration. Great care is taken 
 that nothing shall appear in them which might excite 
 laughter, and also that these ceremonies shall not 
 appear farcical ; in order that the sciences, on account 
 of such unseemly customs, might not be contemned : 
 I durst not, for that reason, speak of the ceremonies 
 which are practised in our academies, in the dis- 
 tribution and dispensing of degrees and dignities. 
 That which I encountered in Keba, when I described 
 
127 
 
 tbo promotions of our doctors, was sufllcicnt to 
 deter me from ever touching again on the subject. 
 
 Independent of these academies, every town 
 possesses a large seminary or gymnasium, wherein 
 much pains are taken to ascertain the dispositions 
 of the youth, and to know in what branch of know- 
 ledge each makes the greatest proficiency, and to 
 what professions he or she is the best adapted. 
 When I was instructed in the seminary of Keba, 
 the cliief priest had four sons, to whom he taught 
 the military art. To four others, whose father was 
 a senator, he taught handicrafts, and two young 
 ladies were instructed in navigation ; for there 
 the natural talents of the young tyro are more 
 looked upon than either condition or sex. When 
 their dispositions have been correctly and accu- 
 rately proved, each receives a testimonium from the 
 superintendents of the seminary, which is drawn up 
 with the greatest impartiality, as I have before 
 mentioned. These testimonials are considered here 
 as very faithful documents ; although I was of a 
 widely different opinion when I was furnished with 
 my testimonium from the seminary of Keba, which 
 appeared to me highly absurd and unreasonable. 
 
 No person is here permitttd to write a book 
 before he has completed his thirtieth year, and is 
 
128 
 
 declared by the superintendents of the sciences 
 duly fit for such an undertaking. Therefore but 
 very few writings, that are not learned and perfect, 
 ever come before the public. I took special care 
 not to mention to any one, for fear of being laughed 
 at, that I, before I had attained to manhood, had 
 written five or six learned treatises. 
 
 This must now suffice in regard to this nation's 
 character, religion, politics, and knowledge. I can- 
 not, however, omit to add to this a few of their pe- 
 culiarities, which struck me as being very worthy of 
 remark. 
 
 When one tree challenges another, the one that 
 gives the challenge loses for ever his right to 
 bear arms, and is sentenced to live under a 
 guardianship, like a child, because he is unable to 
 govern his passion. With us:, on the contrary, 
 challenges are looked upon as proofs of heroism, 
 particularly in our northern country, where this 
 evil practice had its origin ; for the Greeks, 
 Romans, and otiier ancient nations, knew nothing 
 of challenges. 
 
 In the Potuitish legal procedure I remarked 
 something as very singular, which was, that the 
 names of the parties going to law remained a per- 
 
Il>9 
 
 feet secret to the judges, and that the actions were 
 not decided in the place where the disputes arose, 
 but were judged in very remote provinces. Tlie 
 grounds for such an uncommon custom were, that 
 most of the judges, as experience had shown, took 
 bribes, or in some other way committed an over- 
 sight of partiality ; but when they neither knew the 
 accuser, the accused, the wealth, substance, pro- 
 perty and matter, about which, or whom, the law- 
 suit was carried, on, they were free from every 
 temptation or allurement. The evidence and proofs, 
 from both parties, were forwarded by consent of 
 the Prince, to a definitive court of judicature, with 
 some remarks annexed, as for example : — Whether 
 A, who is in possession, ought to give up property 
 to B, in conformity with his demand and complaint. 
 I should very much wish that this custom were in- 
 troduced among us, as we so often experience the 
 effect that partiality and other temptations have 
 upon the minds of the judges. 
 
 Justice is here exercised impartially and with- 
 out constraint. The Princes, however, cannot be 
 cited before a court of judicature ; but as soon 
 as they are dead, they are then impeached by 
 public accusers, or the nation's advocates. Tlie 
 actions of the deceased Prince are now canvassed 
 in a numerous assembly of the senate ; where at 
 
 K 
 
130 
 
 length the sentence ig pronounced, giving to him 
 one of certain titles, according to his merits. They 
 are as foilow : — Worthy of 'praise — not entirely 
 unworthy of praise— good — not bad — tolerable — 
 middling. A herald exclaims one of these terms 
 publicly among the people, and afterwards it is 
 written upon the tomb of the deceased. The 
 Potuites assign the following reason for this cus- 
 tom : the Prince, whilst alive, cannot be cited 
 before a tribunal without uproar and commotion ; 
 for, as long as he lives, his subjects owe him an 
 unconditional obedience and continual honour, 
 whereby the State is best upheld and maintained ; 
 but when the Prince dies, the bond is broken be- 
 tween him and his subjects, therefore the latter 
 can now, as a free people, cite him before the 
 Court. By this beneficial, although uncommon 
 regulation, care is taken for the Prince's safety, 
 the supreme power loses nothing of its majesty, 
 and at the same time the well-being of the State is 
 maintained. Although these terms or epithets can- 
 not be ascribed to the dead, nevertheless it en- 
 courages and incites the living to practise virtue. 
 It may be seen in the Potuitish history, that in the 
 course of four hundred years, there had not been 
 above two Princes who received the lowest epithet 
 of middling. The rest have almost all acc|uired 
 that of tvorthy of praise^ or unworthy of praise^ a$ 
 
131 
 
 may be read on their monuments, which all-devour- 
 ing time has not yet dilapidated or destroyed. The 
 epithet middlings which in the Potuitish language 
 is called rip-fac-si, occasions so much sorrow in 
 the family, that the successor to the deceased, and 
 the whole of his relations, wear mourning for six 
 (mtire months after. The succeeding Princes 
 show no displeasure towards the judges in conse- 
 quence of such reproachful sentences, which are 
 looked upon as encouragements for doing right, 
 and acting with prudence, justice, and equity, where- 
 by the stain, which the illustrious house has drawn 
 upon itself, may be blotted out 
 
 The reason why one of their Princes obtained 
 the lowest epithet, was this : notwithstanding the 
 Potuites being well-disciplined and exercised in 
 military affairs, and, when they are attacked, re- 
 turning the blows valiantly and bravely, they still 
 never make war themselves. For this reason they 
 become willingly mediators between other belli- 
 gerent nations ; and sundry States on this planet 
 have voluntarily subjected themselves to the do- 
 minion of this just and peaceable nation. But the 
 Prince Mikleta^ incited by a too hasty desire of 
 extending the frontiers of his empire, attacked the 
 neighbouring States, and conquered them entirely 
 in a short time. As much as Potu gained by tbii 
 
 K 2 
 
182 
 
 augmentation of power, she lost again on the 
 other side, through changing the friendship of 
 her neighbours into fear and jealousy. The dis- 
 tinguished respect for justice and equity, to which 
 the State had hitherto owed its increase and flourish- 
 ing condition, began from tliat time to suffer. As 
 soon, then, as the Prince was dead, the Potuites 
 showed their displeasure by putting this stain 
 upon his memory, in order to win back the affec- 
 tions of the other nations. Wherein the errors of 
 the other Prince consisted, I could never get to 
 know. 
 
 7'hose persons only, who have attained to the 
 third age, are eligible for public teachers. To ex- 
 plain this more fully, it must be observed that the 
 lives of the trees are divided into three ages. The 
 first is for those who are instructed in the adminis- 
 tration of state-affairs ; in the second they practise 
 that which they have learned in the first ; and in 
 the third age they instruct the others, after they 
 have resigned their situations with honour nnd re- 
 nown. For this reason, no one obtains permission 
 to teach publicly, unless he is become old in the 
 service of the State ; as it is saj)posed, that no 
 ]>erson is able to give well-grounded directions 
 who has not acquired his knowledge by ex- 
 prrienro. 
 
133 
 
 If a ptMsoii, who is notorious lor immorality, 
 impart any salutary and beneficial advice to the 
 State, his name is concealed, in order that the 
 noble project may not suffer in consequence of the 
 unworthiness of him who made it, and the project 
 itself is made public under the name of a more 
 worthy character. 
 
 In respect to religion, I have already stated that 
 it is here forbidden to dispute regarding its funda- 
 mental doctrines, and in particular concerning the 
 essence and attributes of the Divinity ; but then, on 
 the other hand, every one is at liberty to express 
 his opinion freely on all other matters, and submit it 
 to the consideration of the public. The Potuites 
 said that such like disputes might be compared to 
 tempests, which overthrow trees and the roofs of 
 houses, at the same time that they purify the air, and 
 prevent its being corrupted by a too long calmness. 
 They have not many festivals, because they give 
 rise to much sluggish indolence, and the Potuites 
 believe that the true worship of God consists not 
 less in beneficial and useful labour, than in prayers 
 and invocations. 
 
 Poetry is not cultivated here with much eager- 
 ness, although some poets are here and there to be 
 found in this principality ; but the subterraneous 
 
134 
 
 poetry is distinguished from prose only by a 
 higher style. They for that reason, ridiculed that 
 which I related to them regarding our accents, 
 quantities and the like, as children's play. 
 
 Among the Potuite teachers there are some 
 who are called professors of good taste. These 
 take care that the imaginative faculties of the young 
 folks shall not be occupied with insignificant and 
 trifling matters; that all the low and vulgar 
 writings, the reading of which vitiates and destroys 
 tlie taste, shall not come before the public ; and 
 that from all books, which may be printed, those 
 things shall be erased, which are repugnant to com- 
 mon sense. To this end there is appointed a 
 censorship over books. Quite otherwise are mat- 
 ters ordered upon our globe, where the best writings 
 are oft suppressed by the censors, merely because 
 they either deviate from the prevailing opinion, or 
 differ from an established style ; or because they 
 wisely, and with candour, inveigh against the foolish- 
 ness and weakness of mankind : censors, by whom 
 the spirit of the sciences is naturally smothered, 
 and who prevent sound and salutary writings from 
 finding their way to the public eye. But as 
 there is a free trade between the Poturtes and 
 the neighbouring nations, low and vulgar books 
 are oft smuggled into the country. For this reason 
 
135 
 
 certain inquisitors are appointed, who from time to 
 time examine different collections of books. These 
 persons are called Byla-inakatti^ that is, Purifiers of 
 libraries. After the manner of a kind of people in 
 our world, who annually sweep our chimneys, so do 
 these inquisitors enter and sweep the book-shops, 
 and carefully and attentively separate the bad 
 from the good, throwing the base and common 
 books, which may have a tendency to corrupt the 
 taste, into the fire. Zounds ! thought I to myself, 
 what would be the destruction among the books on 
 our globe, if such a regulation as this were there 
 introduced I 
 
 Nothing is more deserving of praise than the 
 vigilance which is applied in examining the talents 
 of the young people, in order to discover which 
 pursuit in life is best suited for each to follow. 
 For, as the smallest false note is perceived by a 
 musical ear, .in like manner the judges, who are 
 appointed to examine the dispositions of the young 
 folks, can, by means of trifles, discover things of 
 importance, and are able also, by the appearance of 
 the eye, by the playing and contraction of the eye- 
 brows, by their gay or serious countenances, by 
 their laughter, by their delivery, by their silence, 
 and other such like things, to judge of what is con- 
 
136 
 
 sistent with, and what is repugnant to, every one's 
 nature. 
 
 But to return to myself again. 1 had but little 
 pleasure in conversing with these foolish trees, who 
 constantly despised and ridiculed me, in conse- 
 quence of the too quick conceptive faculty which 
 they at one time ascribed to me.. I was much 
 chagrined at the nicknames which they frequently 
 gave me. I was called, for example, Skabba, which 
 means an untimely and immature person. But 
 that, about which I was the most vexed, was, that 
 my washerwoman was not scrupulous in applying 
 to me the same odious epithet, notwithstanding she 
 was herself a vile, indigent, and miserable lime- 
 tree. 
 
137 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 TRAVELS ROUND THE PLANET NAZAK. 
 
 Having now for the space of two years per- 
 formed the laborious service of courier, and jjeram- 
 bulated the country with proclamations and letters 
 patent, I became at length completely weary of 
 this troublesome and unseemly occupation. I pre- 
 sented to the Prince one petition after another, 
 praying to be discharged from my present situa- 
 tion, and appointed to a more honourable post. 
 But my solicitations were always unsuccessful ; 
 as His Serene Highness was of opinion, that a 
 more important employment would be beyond my 
 abilities. He quoted both the law and the custom 
 to me, which were adverse to my petitions, and 
 according to which, those persons only who pos- 
 sessed the necessary qualifications were allowed to 
 be promoted to eminent and difficult situations. 
 *' It was expedient," he said, " that I should con- 
 
138 
 
 tinue in the service into which I had once entered, 
 until such time as I might be able, by ray own 
 merit, to pave myself a way to a higher appoint- 
 ment." He concluded with the following admo- 
 nitory counsel : — 
 
 ** Let ev'ry one Lis talents justly weigh ! 
 
 * And learn to know yourself!' is wisdom's precept ; 
 
 And ere you take a load upon your shoulders, 
 
 First prove their strength, and try if they can bear it ! " 
 
 These repeated refusals caused me at length to 
 come to a temerarious and desperate resolution. 1 
 endeavoured with all my powers to invent some- 
 thing new, whereby I might be enabled to prove 
 the superiority of my talents, and rub off the stain 
 which was stamped upon my capacity. I spent 
 nearly a year in applying myself to the study of the 
 laws and customs of the principality, in order, if 
 possible, to discover either in the one or the other 
 some point which might stand in need of amend- 
 ment. The observ^ations that I made in this re- 
 spect I disclosed to a thorn-bush, who was my 
 most intimate friend. He was of opinion, that my 
 reflections and considerations were not entirely 
 irrational ; but at the same time, however, doubted 
 much, whether they would prove of any advantage 
 to the State. *' It was the principal duty of a re- 
 former," lie said, " to view particularly and minutely 
 
139 
 
 the condition of the country into which he is de- 
 sirous of introducing a reformation ; for one and 
 the same measure, according to the difference of the 
 state of two countries, might produce quite other 
 and entirely opposite effects, like a medicament 
 that would cure one man, but, if taken by another, 
 might prove fatal to him. He called my attention 
 to the risk to which I exposed myself in hazarding 
 this game, — representing to me that my life would 
 certainly be forfeited, if my plan, on examination, 
 did not succeed, and begging me, for that reason, 
 to consider everything very deliberately and atten- 
 tively before I took any steps. He nevertheless 
 did not entirely dissuade me from my design, as 
 there was a possibility, he added, of my discovering 
 something or other, after mature reflection, which 
 might prove both beneficial to myself and to the 
 State. 
 
 I followed this advice of my friend, and deferred 
 the presentation of my plan until a future period. 
 In the mean time I continued to perform my ofSce 
 with patience, and traversed both towns and pro- 
 vinces in my usual way. This perpetual rambling 
 from place to place afforded me an opportunity of ac- 
 quiring an accurate knowledge of the whole princi- 
 pality and the adjacent countries ; and that I might 
 not forget the remarks I had made upon my journeys. 
 
140 
 
 1 wrote them down in the best style whereof I was 
 master, and presented them all together in this state 
 to the Prince, in a volume of a decent and respecta- 
 ble thickness. 
 
 I learned very quickly that this work was com- 
 pletely after the taste of His Serene Highness. He 
 perused the book throughout with great attention, and 
 after having recommended it to the Council of State, 
 with an abundance of commendations, he determined 
 on making use of my services to circumambulate, 
 and make discoveries upon, the whole planet Nazar. 
 I expected, however, a very different reward for the 
 sleepless nights I had passed, and sighed out in 
 silence the words of the poet : — 
 
 '* Merit, which ev'rywhere should be protected, 
 Is oft, alas ! despis'd, and oft neglected." 
 
 But as I always had a particular desire to see and 
 hear every thing that was new and strange in the 
 world, and as I fully relied upon receiving a hand- 
 some and extraordinary remuneration from this kind 
 and beneficent Prince, on my return, I undertook 
 the task with a kind of pleasure. 
 
 Although the entire planet Nazar is hardly 
 twelve hundred miles in circumference, it neverthe- 
 
141 
 
 less appears to the inhabitants, in consequence of 
 their uncommonly slow gait, to be very large. On 
 this account there are many countries, particularly 
 the most remote ones, which are entirely unknown 
 to them. No Potuite was able to perambulate the 
 States of this planet in the space of two years ; while 
 I, on the contrary, with the help of my nimble feet, 
 could perform the journey in little more than a 
 month. 
 
 That which I in the beginning took the most to 
 heart, was the fear of a difference in the language ; 
 but I was consoled with the assurance, that the inha- 
 bitants of the whole planet, how much soever they 
 varied in manners and other respects, had but one 
 language, and that the whole of the branch species 
 was everywhere inoffensive, sociable, communica- 
 tive, and hospitable, so that without the least danger 
 I might travel whithersoever I pleased round about 
 the entire globe. These accounts stimulated my 
 propensity now still the more, and I set out on my 
 travels in the beginning of Poplar month. 
 
 Everything which now follows will be found so 
 wonderful and marvellous, that a person might 
 easily be induced to look upon them as mere phan- 
 tasies and poetical inventions ; particularly as the 
 physical and moral differences which I noticed on my 
 
142 
 
 journey were so great, that, oh figuring to ourselves 
 the distinction which exists among the great variety 
 of people on our globe, vrhich are situated so re- 
 motely from each other, we are then able only to 
 form a very faint idea regarding the same. But it must 
 be taken into consideration, that most of the nations 
 upon the planet Nazar are separated from each 
 other by sounds, seas, and oceans ; on account of 
 which, the globe appears like a kind of Archipe- 
 lago. The inhabitants cross these waters very 
 rarely ; and the ferrymen who dwell on their mar- 
 gins, are there solely for the accommodation of tra- 
 vellers. The natives very seldom set their feet out 
 of their own abodes, and if they were obliged some- 
 times to cross the water, they generally hastened 
 immediately back again, as they could not bear to 
 live in a foreign country. Thus it is, that as many 
 nations as we find, so do we also find as many new 
 fashions and tastes. 
 
 The principal cause of this great inequality must 
 be sought for in the variety of nature, which is suffi- 
 ciently evinced by the many-coloured fields, the 
 various soils, plants, fruits, and herbs, which we find 
 in every country. Is it to be wondered at, that in 
 this great variety of soil and fruit there should be 
 found such inequality, and so opposite dispositions 
 and manners among the inhabitants ? In our world, 
 
143 
 
 the difference between the manners, way of thinking, 
 colour, formation of the mind and body, of the re- 
 motely scattered nations, is not so considerable ; 
 for the soil being nearly the same in every part — 
 except in so far that one country may be more fer- 
 tile than another — and the water, fruits, and herbs, 
 being of a very similar nature, such heterogeneous 
 beings could not possibly be here produced, as in the 
 subterraneous world, where every country is of an 
 entirely peculiar nature. Foreigners are permitted 
 to travel and trade in every part, but not to establish 
 themselves, or fix their residence anywhere, — this 
 being contrary to the constitutions of the different 
 countries ; therefore all the foreigners that are met 
 with, are either travellers or merchants. 
 
 The provinces which immediately border on, and 
 are adjacent to, Potu, are almost all of the same 
 quality and condition in nature as this principality. 
 The inhabitants of them, in ancient times, carried 
 on some very bloody wars against the Potuites ; but 
 now, on the contrary, they are either in alliance 
 with them, or they have submitted to their mild do- 
 minion. But as soon as one has crossed the Great 
 Sound which divides the whole planet, if I may so 
 say, into two parts, completely new fashions, as 
 well as entirely different species of animals, which 
 are unknown to the Potuites, are immediately 
 
144 
 
 observable. The only properties, which all the inha- 
 bitants of the planet possess in common, are reason, 
 their tree-like form, and the same language. On 
 this account travelling is by no means difficult ; and 
 the less so, as the inhabitants, by reason of the great 
 multitude of foreign travellers and merchants who 
 pass through the provinces, are accustomed to see 
 very different kinds of beings, which are even en- 
 tirely dissimilar in themselves. 
 
 I tiiink it necessary to remind my readers of all 
 this beforehand, in order that they should not be 
 offended at the following narrative, and look upon 
 it as an ordinary, or extraordinary, tale told by the 
 master of a ship. 
 
 It would be too long and too tedious to enumerate, 
 in historical order, every thing great and small that 
 I met with on my travels ; therefore, to avoid this 
 useless prolixity, I will confine myself to describing 
 those nations which appeared to me the most pe- 
 culiar and uncommon, and in whose manners and 
 natural dispositions I discovered so much of the 
 extraordinary and wonderful, that the planet Nazar 
 appeared to me deserving of a place among the 
 wonders of the creation. 
 
 1 everj'^where observed, that the whole of the 
 
145 
 
 tree-folks differed very JittJe in politeness, judg- 
 ment, and gravity, from the Potuites ; but in customs, 
 manners, faculties of the mind, and conformation of 
 the body, I found them so various, that every pro- 
 vince appeared to me to be a new world. 
 
 In Qua?nso, the first province we arrive in 
 after crossing the Sound, the inhabitants, who are 
 all oaks, experience no bodily infirmities or sick- 
 ness ; but attain to the greatest age, in perfect and 
 continual health. These people seemed to me, in 
 the beginning, to be the happiest of all living 
 creatures ; but I quickly perceived, in the slight 
 intercourse I had with them, that I was in con- 
 siderable error. I saw correctly enough, that no 
 one among them was dejected or troubled ; but, on 
 the other side, neither did I observe any one either 
 jovial or glad. In the same manner that the most 
 serene firmament and the softest air make no im- 
 pression upon us, unless we previously experience 
 snow, and rain, and sleet, and tempests, so have 
 these trees no conception of their happiness, be- 
 cause it is never interrupted ; and are incapable of 
 perceiving that they are healthy, because they are 
 never sick. They pass away their lives in con- 
 tinual health ; but at the same time in constant in- 
 difference. Every good, which is enjoyed without 
 interruption, wearies in the long run, and to enjoy 
 
 L 
 
KG 
 
 fully the sweets and pleasures of life, it is necessary 
 and essential that we sometimes taste its bitters. 
 I can safely say, that among no people did I ever 
 find so little civility, politeness, and good-nature, 
 so algid, inanimate, and stiff conversation and inter- 
 course, as among this. It is a nation without any 
 vice ; but which one can neither love nor hate, 
 where no offences are committed, and where no 
 benevolence or complaisance is to be met with ; in 
 short, where nothing is found that can displease, 
 and nothing that is completely agreeable. As, by 
 reason of the continual health which they enjoy, they 
 never have the opportunity of seeing any deceased 
 persons, and as they are never moved to pity or com- 
 passion at the sufferings of a fellow-creature, they 
 pass away their whole life-time in a perfectly in- 
 sensible quiet and repose, and without the least par- 
 ticipation in the fate of their brethren ; so that not 
 the smallest trace of charity, pity, or beneficence, is 
 to be found among them. We, on the contrary, 
 who by means of sickness are reminded of our 
 mortality, and are continually e^xhorted to hold our- 
 selves in readiness for our last journey, learn, by 
 our own sufferings and torments, to have pity 
 and compassion upon others. I had, in that 
 country, evident demonstration how far sick- 
 ness and the danger of death contribute to reci- 
 procal affection, gaiety, and cheerfulness, in the 
 
147 
 
 intercourse with our fellow-creatures ; and how un- 
 just we are in murmuring at our Creator, because 
 we appear to be born to all these sufferings, which 
 are of such essential service to us, and are attended 
 with the happiest consequences. 
 
 Tliese oaks are nevertheless subject to sickness, 
 like all other trees, as soon as they arrive in any 
 strange place. I believe for this reason, — that this 
 advantage of health, if it may be called an ad- 
 vantage, ought solely to be attributed to the air 
 and the provisions of the country. 
 
 The province Lalak, which is called by the sur- 
 name Maskatta, or the Happy, appeared to accord 
 with this appellation. Every thing there came 
 forth spontaneously, without the least help of art. 
 It was neither necessary to plough nor to sow in 
 that extremely fertile region ; in short, I acquired, 
 during my stay here, a thorough knowledge of this 
 land of bliss. 
 
 Which milk and honey in abundance yields, 
 That flow in streams through groves and fertile fields. 
 In streams whose banks are deck'd with melons rare, 
 And beauteous strawberries without compare ; 
 Where adamantine rocks, in lieu of vines, 
 Yield choice, nectareous, and delicious win^s> 
 
 l2 
 
148 
 
 That pour in golden streams — O splendid sight ! 
 
 Down into reservoirs of crystal bright ; 
 
 Which in the verdant dales, in rosy bowers, 
 
 Exhaustless stand, bedeck'd with fragrant flowers, 
 
 Where all, protected from the noontide heat, 
 
 May cheer their spirits in a cool retreat. 
 
 No finer fruit than here is found, I trow, 
 
 Was ever seen on Eden's trees to grow ; 
 
 Of taste delicious, and of beauteous hue, — 
 
 The like, perhaps, was never brouglit to view. 
 
 In preat luxuriance vegetate these trees. 
 
 From which you pluck the fruit whene'er you please ; 
 
 And everywhere is sav'ry pottage seething, 
 
 The fumes whereof will nearly stop your breathing. 
 
 While pullets, ready pick'd, descend in lots. 
 
 And plunge into the Jasper-seething-pots.. 
 
 Now from the woods spring young and tender hares, 
 
 Nor dog, nor gun, nor yet the wiry snares, 
 
 Are ever wanted to secure your game — 
 
 So gentle, so domestic, and so tame. 
 
 Are all those timid animals, God wot. 
 
 As though they'd just come from the seething-pot ; 
 
 For ready cook'd they come, betray no fears, 
 
 And spring upon your dish, — all volunteers: 
 
 And roasted woodcocks, pheasants, snipes, and larks, 
 
 And finer game than e'er was found in parks. 
 
 Come in abundance, just to suit your wishes, 
 
 All self-produced, on splendid porcelain dishes. 
 
 A sugar-snow, when this is ended, falls. 
 
 And soon assumes a form of little balls ; 
 
 It rains then lemon-juice, and in a trice 
 
 The sugar-snow is crystallized to ice. 
 
149 
 
 Then puddings, tarts, and also fruits we candy, 
 
 Preserves of all sorts, likewise cherry-brandy, 
 
 Before you place themselves, — each seems to greet ye, 
 
 And seems to say, in silence, come and eat me. 
 
 Then all the birds, that are not roasted, sing 
 
 Their charming songs, which make the thickets ring 
 
 With solos, duets, and with voices three, 
 
 Then in grand chorus, all extempore. 
 
 Of these good things, the trav'ller, when he will, 
 
 Partakes, enjoys, and eats and drinks his fill. 
 
 But these extraordinary advantages tend not, in 
 the least degree, to make the inhabitants more happy 
 than any body else. For, as they have no occasion 
 to work for their support, they sleep away their 
 lives in sloth and indolence, and are afflicted with a 
 multitude of disorders. They have worms and cor- 
 ruptions in their bodies, and most of them come to 
 a premature death. 
 
 The state of this country gave me an opportunity 
 of making divers philoso])hical reflections ; among 
 others, it entered my head to contemplate the con- 
 dition of this nation, in which I discovered that the 
 servants and day-labourers, in certain ways, are 
 much more happy than those people who never 
 have occasion to concern themselves about their 
 daily bread, and for that reason give themselves up 
 to inaction, sluggishness, and sensuality. 
 
150 
 
 They wlio are always sated, always must, — 
 In spite of ev'ry zest that art can give,— 
 Feel nothing short of loathing and disgust, 
 If in an ever-lasting feast they live . 
 The luxuries of life, if we enjoy 
 Too unrestrained, at length we're sure to find, 
 That they our ev'ry sense too soon will cloy, 
 Emaciate the body, taint the mind. 
 
 Hence originate the numerous vile plans, tlie 
 desperate designs, and frequent suicides, which are 
 here in vogue. For the prodigality in which they 
 perpetually live, destroys, in every sense, all the 
 tiner enjoyments and transports of life, and begets 
 in their stead, in every body, disgust and weariness 
 of existence. Thus I found that this country, which 
 1 imagined to be a paradise, was the silent habita- 
 tion of melancholy, much more deserving of pity 
 than envy ; and considered, therefore, that the 
 sooner I quitted it the better. 
 
 Adjoining to this nation lies the kingdom of 
 Mardak^ the inhabitants of which are all cypresses, 
 of uniform shape, if we except their eyes, which 
 are very different. Some have oval eyes, others 
 square, some have them very small, and others 
 again so large that they cover the whole forehead. 
 Some are born with two, others with tluee, and 
 others with four eyes. There are even some that 
 
1.51 
 
 have only one eye, whom one might be inclined to 
 look upon as the evident descendants of the re- 
 nowned Polyphemus, if it were not placed in the 
 nape of the neck. They are for this reason divided 
 into certain stocks or lineages, according to the 
 different number and form of their eyes, the names 
 whereof are as follow : 
 
 1. Nagtri'f or those who have oval eyes, — to 
 whom, therefore, all objects appear of an oval 
 form. 
 
 2. Naqinri, whose eyes are square. 
 
 3. Tahwipi^ who have very small eyes. 
 
 4. Jaralm^ with two ej^es ; the one of which is 
 always a little more askew than the other. 
 
 5. Mehanki^ with three eyes. 
 
 6. Tarasuki, with four eyes. 
 
 7. Harramha^ whose eyes occupy the wliole 
 forehead. And lastlv, 
 
 8. Skodolki, who have only one eye, and that in 
 the \rd\)e of the neck. 
 
 The most numerous and the most powerful 
 race among these tribes, is that of the Nagtri, or 
 those who have oval eyes, and to whom, conse- 
 quently, all things appear under an oval form. 
 The Regents, Senators, and Priests, are always 
 elected of this tribe. These only manage the 
 
152 
 
 affairs of state, and admit no person of the otiier 
 classes to fill any public employment, unless he 
 acknowledge that a certain tablet, which is placed 
 in the highest part of the Temple erected in honour 
 of the Sun, appears to him also of an oval shape, 
 and attest the same on oath. 
 
 This tablet is the most sacred in the Mardakite 
 religion. Many upright and virtuous burghers, 
 who have a great aversion to perjury, never, for 
 that reason, obtain any honourable post, and are 
 continually exposed to all possible ignominy, re- 
 proach, and persecution. It avails nothing, their 
 excusing, and endeavouring to justify, themselves, by 
 defending the belief they ought to have in their 
 own eyes ; on the contrary, they only thereby in- 
 volve themselves in actions at law, and that which 
 is a natural defect, is laid to their charge as mis- 
 chief and contumacy. The oath to which those 
 who are desirous of being preferred to any office 
 must subscribe, is of the following tenor : 
 
 " Kaki Manaska Quihompu Miriac Jakku Me- 
 sirnbrii Caphani Crukkia Manaskar Quehriac 
 Kritsundoray 
 
 TRANSLATION. 
 
 *' I swear, that the sacred tablet, placed in the 
 Temple of the Sun, appears to me of an oval shape, 
 
153 
 
 and I promise to maintain this opinion until the 
 last moment of my existence." 
 
 As soon as a person has taken this oath, he is re- 
 ceived in the tribe of the Nagiri, and is eligible for 
 any post of honour that he may choose to sue for. 
 
 The day after my arrival, as I was walking 
 about the market-place, to divert myself a little, and 
 pass away the time, I perceived an old man whom 
 they were conducting to a place to be scourged. 
 A prodigious multitude of cypresses followed, 
 and loaded him with reproachful epithets and sar- 
 casms. I inquired of what crime he was guilty ; 
 and was answered, that he was a heretic, who had 
 publicly declared that the Tablet of the Sun ap- 
 peared to him to be square, and that, notwithstand- 
 ing divers admonitions, he still remained obstinate, 
 and pertinaciously defended this dangerous and 
 mischievous opinion. 
 
 I repaired immediately to the Temple of tlie 
 Sun, in order to ascertain whether my own eyes 
 were orthodox or not ; and as the sacred tablet 
 really appeared to me to be square, I told my land- 
 lord, who had lately been ai)pointed churchwarden 
 in the town, candidly, what 1 thought. He heaved 
 a deep sigh on this occasion, and acknowledged, in 
 
154 
 
 like manner, that it appeared to him also square; 
 but that he durst not express his opinion to that effect 
 before any person whomsoever, for fear of quarrelling 
 with the ruling tribe, and losing his appointment. 
 
 In silence, but not without a palpitation of the 
 heart, and a violent trembling in every limb, I 
 quitted this place, for fear my back should be com- 
 pelled to atone for the error of my eyes, and that, 
 under the odious epithet of heretic, I should be 
 made a laughing-stock of, and disgracefully and 
 ignominiously driven from the town. No regula- 
 tion or order in the world, as it appeared to me, 
 could be more cruel, barbarous, and unreasonable 
 than this, whereby dissimulation and perjury, of 
 which I was an eye-witness, alone paved the way 
 to posts of honour. I therefore, on my return 
 home to Potu, did not forget, on every occasion, 
 to pour forth my spleen against this barbarous 
 State. But as I was once, in my accustomed 
 manner, fulminating against this regulation, and 
 giving vent to the whole of my spite, in a dialogue 
 with a juniper-tree, who was my most intimate 
 friend, I received the following hint: " We 
 Potuites see clearly enough, that the regulations 
 of the Nagiri are absurd and unreasonable ; but 
 you, my dear Klim, ought not, as it seemeth to me, 
 to be so much astonished that the inequality of 
 
155 
 
 vision should be treated there with so much rigour; 
 for, if 1 remember right, you yourself related, that 
 there are, in most of the European States, certain 
 ruling stocks or tribes, who, because of a peculiar 
 and natural defect in their visual organs or under- 
 standing, persecute the others with fire and sword ; 
 and yet you extolled these violent measures, as very 
 pious regulations, and highly beneficial to the 
 State." I quickly remarked the drift of this rub, 
 and immediately blushed deeply ! From that 
 time, I always judged those who were apt to err, 
 with much less severity, and was continually 
 clamorous for toleration. 
 
 The principality of Kimal is considered, in con- 
 sequence of its immense riches, the most powerful 
 of any State upon this planet ; for, besides the large 
 silver-mines, which are very numerous, there is col- 
 lected yearly, from the rivers, a great quantity of 
 gold dust, and the sea, near the coasts, almost every 
 where abounds in pearls. But on a closer and more 
 accurate examination of the condition of this country, 
 I discovered that happiness was far from consisting 
 in riches ; for the greatest part of the inhabitants 
 were either miners, gold-refiners, or pearl-fishers, 
 who, condemned to that unworthy and disgraceful 
 thraldom, rummaged both tlie earth and the sea for 
 the sake of bordid lucre. Those who-ajfc not en- 
 
156 
 
 gaged in this employment, keep watch over the 
 treasure that is collected. The whole country is so 
 full of robbers, that it is unsafe, and almost imposr 
 sible, to travel without well-armed guides. 
 
 There is no day kept here so sacred, but 
 
 The sun, when he his eye doth from it turn away, 
 
 Doth also turn his face from some base action. 
 
 Violence, fraud, and theft, are here in vogue : 
 
 By rapine only doth this nation live, 
 
 And for his kinsman, here no one is safe ; 
 
 Nor can a guest, in soft tranquillity, 
 
 Repose secure beneath his landlord's roof 
 
 Brothers lurk in ambush for each other's life ; 
 
 And eagerly the son doth count each step 
 
 His aged father taketh towards the grave. 
 
 No trace of virtue in this land is found ; 
 
 And Astrea, of all the fair celestials, 
 
 Was herself the last to quit, full horror-stricken, 
 
 This blood-soak'd, vice-replenish'd earth. 
 
 In consequence, this people, who are looked upon 
 by all their neighbours with a jealous eye, are much 
 more deserving of compassion than of being envied. 
 Because fear, suspicion, envy, and jealousy, rage in 
 every bosom, the one looks continually upon the 
 other as his enemy who watches his opulency ; so 
 that terror, anguish of mind, sleepless nights, and 
 pallid countenances, are the only fruits of that feli- 
 city for which the principality of Kvnal is distin- 
 
157 
 
 guished. I travelled, therefore, with much anxiety 
 and difficulty, through this country ; for at every 
 turnpike-gate, and every stage, at which I arrived, I 
 was obliged to furnish the guard, which was there 
 in attendance, with my name, the place of my birth, 
 the reason of my journey, and such like ; so that I, 
 in short, was exposed to all the unpleasantness and 
 vexations to which a traveller is subject in a sus- 
 picious country. In this principality there is one 
 volcano, w^iich perpetually throws forth the subter- 
 ranean burning lava in prodigious streams. 
 
 As soon as I had quitted this country, the peram- 
 bulation whereof I found the most difficult and 
 troublesome upon the whole journey, I continued 
 my course always toward the East. I met every 
 where with sociable, communicative, and polite, but 
 at the same time very extraordinary, people ; but at 
 none did I marvel so much as at the inhabitants of 
 the very small State of Quamboja, iwhich was, if I 
 may so say, inverted completely in its nature. The 
 older, for example, a person was, the more was he 
 dissolute, debauched, and licentious ; so that rash- 
 ness, incontinence, and the vices which otherwise 
 we are accustomed to find only in youth, there 
 increased with age. For that reason, no one, in 
 that State, is intrusted with an office, unless he be 
 under forty years ; for as soon as he has attained to 
 
158 
 
 that age, he is looked upon as a wild, impudent 
 sauce-box, 
 
 Who, for his conduct, oft is made to skip 
 From lashes given with his mama's whip. 
 
 I saw old men, whose heads were grey with age, 
 in the streets, playing at hop-scot, and in the squares 
 and markets amusing themselves with the game of 
 prisoner's-base. 
 
 Here one is seen to build, all in his glory, 
 A house of cards, high three or four story ; 
 Another watching him, then, in a trice, 
 Blows down the house that he has built so nice. 
 Some here are seen at play with children's balls, 
 And others cheap'ning ginger-bread at stalls ; 
 Sometimes they play a game, where eggs they roll ; 
 And sometimes money pitch into a hole. 
 At ev'ry boyish game they're seen, and eke 
 They're oft engag'd in playing hide and seek : 
 And matrons too, with dolls, are oft seen tripping 
 Across the fields ; next sportively are skipping. 
 And hoary-headed husbands pleased you see, 
 To shoot with pop-guns made of elder-tree. 
 Their sports they all enjoy in this strange spot, — 
 Some ride on sticks full gallop, some full trot. 
 
 The boys, as they passed, would oft reproach these 
 old people, and would not unfrequently lash them 
 
159 
 
 home to their children. I remember once to iiave 
 seen a decrepit old man, who was spinning a top in 
 the market-place, and that it was related to me, that 
 he, in his youth, was a particularly grave and sober- 
 minded personage, and filled the highest situation 
 in the supreme Council. 
 
 This inverted order of nature is observable in both 
 sexes. A young person, who married a very old 
 woman, was, for that reason, everywhere told he 
 would wear horns, ornaments which, on the con- 
 trary, with us, an old man only, who takes a young 
 girl in marriage, is afraid of having placed on his 
 forehead. I found once even two very emaciated 
 old men in the market-place fighting a duel ; and 
 when I expressed my great surprise and astonish- 
 ment at this extraordinary vivacity and ardour, 
 which were manifest in these men, so advanced in 
 age, and inquired the cause of the duel, I was 
 answered, that a dispute had arisen between them 
 respecting a woman of a very loose and libidinous 
 character, to whom they both laid claim. It was 
 also added, that they certainly would get a sound 
 Hogging from their superiors, in case the dissolute 
 pranks and tricks of these old fellows should come 
 to their knowledge. The same afternoon it was 
 related, that an old lady of distinction had hanged 
 herself in a iftate of despondency, for the sake of a 
 
160 
 
 young beech-tree, from whom she had received a 
 denial. 
 
 This inverted order of nature requires naturally 
 inverted laws. No one is, therefore, by that section 
 of the law which treats on guardianship, allowed to 
 have charge of his own effects or estates, unless he be 
 under forty years of age ; and no contract between 
 persons above that age is considered valid, unless it 
 be signed and ratified by their guardians or children. 
 In the chapter on subordination the words are: 
 *' Old men iifid old icomen shall be dutiful and 
 obedient to their children.^' Placemen always re- 
 ceive their discharge from office a little before they 
 attain the age of forty, as they are then declared 
 minors by the Council, and are delivered over to the 
 superintendence and management of their young 
 kinsfolk. I considered it, therefore, not advisable 
 to remain too long in that country, where I, in the 
 course of ten years, according to their laws, should 
 be condemned to become a child again. When I 
 had finished my journey, I compared this people's 
 condition with the way of life and the regulations 
 which we have here above, where numbers, in their 
 manhood, think and write like philosophers, but 
 who, in their old age, hunt eagerly after riches, 
 empty titles, and other illusive fooleries. This 
 comparison reconciled me, in some degree, again 
 
161 
 
 with the Qiiainbojaians^ and taught me not to have 
 so contemptible an opinion of them, as I in the 
 beginning had entertained. 
 
 In the kingdom of Kokleku, they have a custom 
 which is not less wrong and injurious, and which 
 cannot fail to be strongly reprobated by every Euro- 
 pean. The inversion in this custom is not the fault 
 of nature, but is solely to be attributed to the laws. 
 The inhabitants are all Juniper-trees of both sexes ; 
 but the males are only employed in affairs of the 
 kitchen, and other insignificant drudgery. In time 
 of war, they are regularly taken into the military 
 service, but they are seldom more than common 
 soldiers ; and only very few rise as high as 
 the rank of ensign. This post is the highest 
 that any male tree, in this State, can ever hope to 
 arrive at. To the females, on the contrary, are 
 confided the most important, as well civil as eccle- 
 siastical and military, offices. I had, but a short 
 time before, blamed the Potuites, because they, in 
 the distribution of employments, did not give one 
 sex the preference over the other ; but this nation 
 appeared to me completely unnatural and frantic. 
 I was not able by any means to comprehend tiie 
 sluggish inaction of the male sex, that it, in spite of 
 its superiority in bodily strength, should patiently 
 bear this despicable yoke; and, during so many 
 
 u 
 
162 
 
 centuries, should have suffered things to go on in 
 their old course ; for it would naturally have been 
 an easy matter for them to tlirovt^ off the yoke, if they 
 had either desire or courage so to do ; but the ancient 
 custom had so completely lulled them to sleep, that 
 it never entered the head of any one to venture to 
 take the least step in order to w^rest themselves from 
 these disgraceful trammels : they believed that na- 
 ture had so ordained it, that the females should rule 
 the State, and that the males should weave, cook, 
 knit, spin, sweep and clean the rooms, and get 
 plenty of stripes into the bargain. 
 
 The females founded their claim to dominion, upon 
 the great bodily strength of the males, upon their 
 stronger muscles, and upon the adaption of their 
 limbs to the more laborious work. Hence it is 
 evident, they maintain, that nature has destined 
 them only to that which is performed by strength of 
 body. 
 
 Foreigners were surprised, on entering any 
 house, to find the mistress in the study, and sur- 
 rounded by papers up to her ears, while the master 
 was bustling about in the kitchen, and busy in 
 scouring pots and pans. And to which house 
 soever I went, and desired to speak to the master, 
 I was certain of being shown into the kitchen, 
 
163 
 
 Where one was liacking meat, another washing ; 
 One turn'd the spit, another dumplings made ;— 
 'Mongst dislies, pots, and stew-pans, what a clashing ! 
 Each trembling there, the surly dame obey'd. 
 
 I observed divers afflicting and sorrowful effects 
 of this most preposterous custom. In the same 
 manner as one meets with, for example, in other 
 places, wanton and lewd females, who bring their 
 chastity to market, and trade with their charms, 
 young fellows and men are here met with, who 
 make a practice of disposing of their nights ; and for 
 this purpose they hire certain habitations, the 
 signs and inscriptions whereof show in what articles 
 they deal. But as this trade is generally carried 
 on here much too impudently and too publicly, 
 these lascivious menfolks are frequently appre- 
 hended, put into prison, and scourged in the same 
 manner as the common prostitutes are wfth us. 
 Women and young girls can, on the contrary, witli- 
 out the least detriment to their good name and 
 reputation, walk the streets, nod and wink at the 
 menfolks, stare at them hard in the face, chirp with 
 the lips, whistle, call pst! chuck them under the 
 chin, take them round the neck, pull and pinch 
 them, paint obscene figures and write immodest 
 language in the public arcades, and play up as 
 many pranks as they please. They relate, with- 
 out any person being disgusted with them, tlieir 
 
 m2 
 
164 
 
 obscenity ami lewdness, and take state upon them- 
 selves, as though they had gained so many vic- 
 tories ; even as the little gentlemen boast and brag 
 among us with their ribaldry of the ladies, whose 
 familiarity and confidence (very often only a box on 
 the ear) they have enjoyed. No female is here in 
 the least blamed, at besieging the young men 
 with amatory versos, billets-doux, and pre- 
 sents : but a youth, on such an occasion, always 
 behaves himself in a cool, indifferent, and very 
 modest manner ; as it is repugnant to decency 
 and decorum, for a man to consent immediately to 
 what a young girl may desire. 
 
 During the time that I resided in that country, 
 there was a great tumult and uproar regarding the 
 son of a certain senator, who was ravished by a 
 young lady. She was spoken of and censured for 
 this abominable affair in every place one came to, 
 and the young man's friends wdiispered and mut- 
 tered it everywhere, that an action at law would 
 be entered against the girl, and that by the next 
 Consistory she would certainly be condemned, and 
 obliged, in order to save his honour and repair his 
 injured reputation, to marry him ; particularly since 
 it could be proved, by the clearest evidence, that 
 the youth was of irreproachable character, and had 
 always led a virtuous life, before she seduced him. 
 
165 
 
 O happy Europe ! exclaimed I on this occasion, 
 and (), in particular, thrice happy France, — and 
 thrice happy England ! wliere the weakre^ sex are 
 in complete accordance with their name, and where 
 the women obey so implicitly the commands of 
 their husbands, that they appear much more like 
 machines or automatons, than beings endued with 
 a free will ! 
 
 I ventured not, as long as I resided among thc^se 
 Juniper-trees, to defame or slander publicly this 
 inverted custom ; but as soon as I had quitted the 
 capital, I mentioned to several persons, that it was 
 entirely repugnant to common sense; as it was 
 clear, from ihe general law of nature, and the com- 
 mon assent and approbation of all nations, that 
 the male sex was destined to be employed in 
 (lillicult and important occupations. But they in- 
 sisted that I c()nf()und(id customs and regulations 
 with nature, and that the alleged imbecility in the 
 female sex ought solely to be attributed to their edu- 
 cation ; which the State of this country particularly 
 showed, since it was found that virtues and mental 
 gifts were possessed by the females, which the 
 males in other places arrogated entirely to them- 
 selves. And it is a matter of fact, that the 
 Koklekuifish ladies are in general modest, serious, 
 discreet, constant, and reserved ; while the men, on 
 
166 
 
 the contrary, are fickle, addle-headed, rash, and 
 loquacious, For which reason, when any thing 
 very absurd is related, it is a common proverb to 
 say — That is the babbling of the merifolks ; and 
 in case any thing is undertaken with too much 
 precipitance, and without mature reflection, it is 
 remarked — We must inake allowance for the itn- 
 hecility of the rnenfolks. But I could not acquiesce 
 in these reasons, and was satisfied in reprobating 
 the constitution of the State, as inverted and entirely 
 repugnant to nature. The mortifications which 
 this female superciliousness awoke in me, was 
 the cause of the unfortunate proposition that I 
 made on my return to Potu, and which brought 
 upon my shoulders a thousand troubles and vexa- 
 tions, regarding which I shall hereafter, in a proper 
 place, make some mention. 
 
 Among the most magnificent buildings in this 
 city was the Queen's Harem, in which there were 
 three hundred extraordinarily handsome men and 
 youths, who were maintained at the Queen's own 
 cost, for her pleasure and diversion. On my learn- 
 ing that my shape and figure altogether were highly 
 praised by many females, I betook myself in the 
 greatest haste to prosecuting my journey, for fear I 
 should be impressed into Her Majesty's service ; and 
 
 Feav gave wings to my feet. 
 
167 
 
 Adjoining to this kingdom is the Land of Phi- 
 losophers^ as the inhabitants, who have applied 
 themselves deeply to the study of philosophy and 
 the higher sciences, call it. I burnt w^ith desire to 
 see this realm, which I imagined must certainly be 
 the true abode of the Muses, and the centre of all 
 knowledge; and expected not to see fields and 
 meadows, but 
 
 One only vast, immeasurable sea, 
 
 Where art with nature is not in dispute, 
 
 But where they both embrace, and dwell in peace. 
 
 With my head full of this imagination, I hastened 
 with all speed towards this kingdom, and counted 
 every minute on the way. I got, on this occasion, 
 both besmeared and ulcerated legs ; for the roads 
 through the country were very stony and full of 
 holes, and were so sundered by ditches and 
 marshes, that I was obliged sometimes to tramp 
 over heaps of stones, and then again to trudge 
 through deep morasses, as nowhere was there a 
 bridge to be found. But I boldly endured and 
 surmounted all these difficulties, when I reflected 
 on what awaited me, well knowing that the way to 
 the kingdom of Heaven is not strewed with roses. 
 When I had been painfully toiling, and combating 
 my way through, for about the space of an hour, 
 I met a peasant, and asked him how far I had still 
 
168 
 
 to go, before I reached Maskattia^ or tlie Land of 
 Philosophers ? " You ought rather to ask," said 
 he, ^' how far you have to go, before you get out of 
 it again ; for you are now just in the midst of it." 
 I was vastly astonished at this information, saying, 
 " How is it, then, that this country, which is in- 
 habited by nobody but philosophers, should be more 
 like a haunt for wild beasts, than a cultivated and 
 inhabited kingdom ? " " Ay ! " answered he, " it 
 will shortly assume a better appearance, when the 
 inhabitants only once have a little leisure to attend 
 to such like bagatelles. For the present, we must 
 excuse their suffering the fields and meadows to 
 remain untouched, as they have something very 
 sublime and celestial in their heads, and are specu- 
 lating on discovering a way up to the sun. No 
 man can blow his porridge and sip it at the same 
 time." I understood immediately what this pea- 
 sant, who was allowed to be very cunning, meant 
 to say ; I therefore continued to trudge forward, 
 and at length arrived at the capital, which is called 
 Casca. At and under the gate- way of the city, by 
 which I entered, instead of a guard, I perceived a 
 number of hens, geese, birds'-nests, and cobwebs. 
 Through the streets, I saw promiscuously walking, 
 herds of swine and philosophers, which were only 
 to be distinguished from each other by their form ; 
 for the latter were equally besmeared and filthy 
 
169 
 
 with the former. All the philosophers wore a sort 
 of cloak or gown ; but of what colour I was not 
 able to discern, as it was impossible to discover it 
 through so much dust and filth as were hanging 
 upon them. I stopped before one of these sages, 
 who, quite entranced and absorbed in contem- 
 plation, ran directly against me. " I beg your 
 pardon, Sir I " said I, " may I ask the name 
 of this city?" He remained immoveable for a 
 length of time in a standing position, with his eyes 
 closed, as if his immortal part had taken leave of 
 his body ; but came at last again to himself, and 
 answered with a look towards heaven — *' It is not 
 far from mid-day." This unseasonable answer, 
 which betrayed a perfect insensibility and inat- 
 tention, proved to me, that it was much more ad- 
 visable to study with moderation, than to become 
 deranged from too great a store of learning. I 
 penetrated farther into the city, in order to see 
 whether I could not find any other people or rational 
 animals, than philosophers. In the market-place, 
 which was very large, I observed several columns 
 and pillars standing, on which were many inscrip- 
 tions. I approached one of these columns, to try 
 whether I could read and understand what I saw 
 there written ; but while I was standing and spell- 
 ing the words, I felt my back get suddenly warm, 
 and perceived, at the same time, that it was com- 
 
170 
 
 pletely wet. I turned me round, to ascertain from 
 what source flowed this warm stream, and perceived 
 a philosopher, who, without the least ceremony, was 
 performing that against my back, which dogs are 
 accustomed to do against mile-stones and road- 
 posts. Being absorbed in thought, he took me for 
 a pillar, against which he was in the habit of per- 
 forming that oflice. I was so much exasperated at this 
 infamous trick, particularly as His Highlearnedness 
 laughed immoderately at my surprise and condition, 
 that I gave him a violent box on the ear. But on 
 receiving this, he rushed upon me like a furious 
 madman, seized me by the hair, and in despite of 
 cdl my crying and bawling, he dragged me round 
 the market-place. On perceiving that his wrath 
 was not likely to be appeased, I put myself in 
 a posture of defence, and gave like for like, or a 
 Roland for his Oliver ; so that our receipts and dis- 
 bursements kept pretty well on a par, until we at 
 length, after a desperate conflict, both fell down 
 exhausted upon the field of battle. 
 
 At the sight of this, an immense multitude of phi- 
 losophers came running to us. They fell upon me 
 like madmen, cudgelled and beat every limb of me 
 with their sticks and clenched fists, and dragged me, 
 half dead, by the hair, round about the market. 
 Not satisfied, but tired and weary with beating 
 
171 
 
 me, they at last conducted me to a large building ; 
 and as I there, with both my feet against the door- 
 way, pushed, and kicked, and struggled with all my 
 might and main, against being taken in, they 
 slipped a rope round my neck, and dragged me, 
 like a squeaking pig, into a large hall, where they 
 laid me on my back in the middle of the floor. 
 Everything was lying here topsy-turvy in a pro- 
 miscuous way, so that the place had the semblance 
 of the inside of a house just before quarter-day, 
 when people are busy removing, and all sorts of 
 utensils, tubs, and other household furniture, are 
 thrown in disorder one upon another. I began now 
 to supplicate these sages to set bounds to their 
 wrath, and show their compassion ; representing to 
 them, how unbecoming it was for the lovers of 
 wisdom to be furious, like wild beasts, and com- 
 pletely give way to those passions, against which 
 they themselves so often fulminated from their 
 pulpits. But -my prayers and representations 
 were entirely fruitless. The philosopher, who had 
 made water against my back, began the conflict 
 anew, beat me as though he were striking upon an 
 anvil, and continued to cuff me, poor wretch! so 
 long, that it seemed as if he would not be appeased 
 until he had taken away my life. I was now con- 
 vinced that no wrath or anger could be compared 
 with philosophical vehemence, and that the teachers 
 
172 
 
 ^f virtue are far from being identified with tlie 
 practisers of it ; for, 
 
 The more he culf'd, the more kept toiling, 
 The more his blood and spleen kept boiling. 
 
 At length four other philosophers, whose gowns 
 showed they belonged to another sect, entered the 
 hall. They seemed to have pity and compassion 
 on me, and by means of hand and voice, put a stop 
 to the fury of the others. After that, they took some 
 of the persons who were ill-using me aside, whis- 
 pered something in their ears, and conducted me 
 away to another house. I was heartily glad at having 
 escaped from the clutches of these banditti, and got 
 again among decent and honest people ; to whom I 
 related, with much amplification, the circumstances 
 that had given rise to all this confusion. They 
 laughed heartily on this occasion, which they called 
 a droll and diverting adventure, and told me that 
 the philosophers, whenever they walked across 
 the market-place, were in the habit, in certain 
 cases of emergency, of stopping at these pillars ; 
 and that my antagonist, in all probability, being 
 completely | absorbed in his philosophical con- 
 templations, had taken me for one of them. 
 They mentioned to me, at the same time, that he 
 was a particularly renowned astronomer ; and that 
 the others, who had attacked and beat me so un- 
 mercifully, were all professors of moral philosophy. 
 
173 
 
 As I now thonglit myself in perfect safety, I 
 listened with much pleasure to all they related to 
 me. Meanwhile, I cannot however, deny tfiat 
 the attention with which they surveyed my form, 
 raised some scruples in my mind; as also the many 
 interrogations and inquiries which they made con- 
 cerning my birth-place, way of life, the reason of 
 my journey, and such-like, seemed not to prognos- 
 ticate much good to me. 
 
 But when they locked me up in a kind of ana- 
 tomical theatre, where I saw a vast heap of bones 
 and dead bodies, which filled the place with an 
 intolerable stink, I was near giving up the ghost 
 from fear and anxiety. I should have thought that 
 I had descended into a lurking-hole for thieves, if 
 a number of surgical instruments, which I perceived 
 hanging against the walls, had not, in some measure, 
 allayed my dreadful apprehensions ; as I concluded 
 from this circumstance, that mine host must cer- 
 tainly be a doctor. When I had been pining in 
 this prison for the space of about half an hour, the 
 lady of the house entered, and brought me some 
 dinner, which she had prepared with her own hands. 
 She appeared to me particularly polite and cour- 
 teous, but looked very anxiously at me, and sighed 
 continually. I inquired the cause of her amictk.n ; 
 and she answered me, that she sighed but to think 
 
174 
 
 of the fate which awaited me. •* You are, undoubt- 
 edly," said she, " among decent and honest people; 
 for my husband, who inhabits this house, is phy- 
 sician to the Corporation and doctor of medicine, 
 and the others whom you saw were his colleagues; 
 but your extraordinary form has so much excited 
 their wonder and admiration, that they have resolved 
 on taking your internal conformation into minute 
 consideration, and dissecting you, in order to see 
 whether they can discover any thing new in your 
 inside, which may afford some elucidation to ana- 
 tomy." This information was like a thunder-clap 
 to me ; I gave a loud shriek, and exclaimed, 
 " How can you call those decent and honest people. 
 Madam, who are not in any wise scrupulous about 
 anatomizing their neighbours ?" — 
 
 " Your finger place upon your lips, and know 
 The soil on which you stand"" — 
 
 said she. " The people into whose hands you have 
 fallen, are very honest, and have, merely for the 
 sake of enlightening their understanding and im- 
 proving their knowledge, resolved on this opera- 
 tion." I replied, that I had a thousand times 
 rather be let loose among banditti, than be anato- 
 mized by the most honest and decent people in the 
 universe ; threw myself at her feet, and supplicated 
 
175 
 
 her, while a flood of tears ran down my cheeks, to 
 intercede and obtain mercy for me. " My inter- 
 cession," replied she, " will avail you but very 
 little, against the decision of the whole faculty, who 
 are not in the habit of revoking their decrees ; but 
 1 will endeavour to save your hfe by other 
 means." When she had uttered these words, she 
 took me by the hand, led me out at a back door, 
 and accompanied me, whilst I trembled all the 
 time like an aspen-leaf, as far as the gate of the 
 city. 
 
 Being now desirous of taking leave of her, and 
 endeavouring, which was no more than right, to 
 testify to her my gratitude in the most lively ex- 
 pressions, she suddenly interrupted me, by saying 
 that it was not her intention to leave me, until she 
 saw me in perfect safety. As I did not oppose her 
 in this, she continued to attend me. 
 
 While we thus proceeded slowly on together, she 
 related a good deal to me concerning the state of 
 the country, to which I listened with much eager- 
 ness. But at length she turned the discourse to 
 another subject, w^hich appeared to me not strictly 
 virtuous, as it hinted, that she, as a requital for her 
 complaisance towards me, required me to show her 
 a complaisance in return, which was morally im- 
 
1/6 
 
 possible for me to do. She represented to me, 
 with much sensibility and warmth, the unhappy- 
 fate of the married women in this country, as their 
 philosophical schoolmasters of husbands, who are 
 entirely buried in their books, almost completely 
 neglect the duties of matrimony. "Yes! I can 
 affirm it to you," added she, " that we should be 
 completely undone, if the very courteous and oblig- 
 ing travelling foreigners did not now and then take 
 compassion on our unhappy condition, and in some 
 degree alleviate our universal sufferings, assuage 
 our afflictions, and allay the ardour of our passions." 
 I made as if I did not understand the drift of what 
 she said, and mended my pace a little ; but my 
 indifference only poured oil into the fire which was 
 then flaming in the poor lady's bosom ; so that 
 
 The lately love-sick, courteous, gentle, mild, 
 Sweet-smiling goddess, once so meek, 
 Chang' d quitkly to a fury ; then with wild, 
 Loud-sounding, frightful, hopeless shriek — 
 Willie Loth her hands she wrung in deep despair, 
 With looks territic, and dishevell'd hair — 
 
 reproached me with ingratitude ; and as I, not- 
 withstanding, continued my pace, she laid fast 
 hold of the skirt of my cloak to restrain my progress. 
 I tore away at last by main force from her grasp ; 
 and being much nimbler of foot than she, I was 
 
1// 
 
 very soon out of her sipjht. I'o what degree her 
 rage rose on that occasion, I concluded from the 
 following words — Kaki Spalaki^^hoi is, Ungrateful 
 dog ! which she continually vociferated forth. But 
 I bore, with Spartan magnanimity, all her abu- 
 sive language and contumely; and congratulated 
 myself on having by any means escaped, with my 
 ears sound and whole, from this land of philoso- 
 phers, on which I am still not able to think, without 
 trembling and a feeling of horror. 
 
 Adjoining to this State lies the province Nakir^ 
 the capital of which bears the same name. Respect- 
 ing this province I cannot say much; for I hurried 
 through it, as well as through every country that 
 bordered on Maskattia^ with all speed, in order to 
 arrive among a people who were not so absorbed in 
 the study of philosophy, and, above all, not so eager 
 after the elucidation of anatomy. My blood was 
 in such a ferment, and I was so terrified and alarmed, 
 that I asked every one whom I met upon the way, 
 whether he was a philosopher ; and I dreamed 
 every night, for a length of time after, about skele- 
 tons and anatomical instruments. The inhabitants 
 of Nakir appeared to me otherwise very cour- 
 teous ; for every one who mot me in the street, 
 offered me, unasked, his services ; and assured me, 
 with a great deal of amplification, that I might 
 
 N 
 
178 
 
 depend upon his good offices. These assurances 
 I found to be very ridiculous, as 1 never let it be 
 perceived that I entertained the smallest doubt of 
 their good will towards me, and never manifested 
 the least suspicion concerning their sincerity; and 
 even remarked to several persons, that I could 
 not conceive what necessity there was for so many 
 sacred pledges. But they renewed them on this 
 occasion with tlie most solemn and dreadful oaths. 
 On the outside of the town I met a person, who 
 was walking very slowly, and sighing under a 
 heavy burden which he bore on his shoulders. 
 He stopped on seeing me, and inquired whence I 
 came? When I answered him, that I had lately been 
 in the city of Nukir, he wished me joy of my getting 
 safe and sound out again, " as the inhabitants," 
 said he, " are notorious rogues and sharpers, who 
 are in the habit of plundering and stripping every 
 foreigner who visits them." I replied, that if their 
 actions accorded with their words, I had reason to 
 consider them a particularly honest and upright 
 people ; since every one, with the most solemn and 
 dreadful oaths, had testified his sincerity. The 
 good man smiled at this, and said, " Be careful 
 how you repose implicit confidence in any one 
 who trumpets forth his own integrity, and especially 
 in him who calls upon the devil to bear witness to 
 his virtue." I never forgot this admonition, and 
 
179 
 
 have very often been fully sensible of its profundity^ 
 Therefore, as soon as any of my debtors began to 
 curse and swear by their honesty, I always de- 
 manded my money, and never lent them another 
 penny. 
 
 On the borders of this country I arrived at a 
 yellowish sea, on the margin whereof there lay a 
 ferry-boat, with three tiers of oars, in which, for a 
 very moderate fare, a person might be conveyed 
 across to the Land of Reason. I struck a bargain 
 with the ferry-man, entered the boat, and was much 
 amused with this sea-voyage. The subterranean 
 vessels are not rowed by human hands, but, by the 
 help of certain concealed machines, are forced 
 through the water with a wonderful velocity. As 
 soon as I had arrived in this country, I met with a 
 person who showed me the way to the city, and 
 w ho related to me, as we went, a good deal about 
 the affairs of the corporation, and the condition and 
 way of life of the inhabitants, with which he seemed 
 to be very intimately acquainted. Among other 
 things, he informed me that all the burghers studied 
 logic, and that this town was the real and true seat 
 of reason, and accorded perfectly with its own 
 name and that of the country. On my arrival in 
 the city, I soon experienced that my guide had told 
 the truth; for the meanest burgher, by reason 
 
 N 2 
 
180 
 
 of his good sense, quickness of apprehension, gra- 
 vity, and modest deportment, appeared to me to be 
 a senator. At this I raised my hands towards hea- 
 ven, and exclaimed — " O most happy and blessed 
 State, which gives birth to none but Catos /" 
 
 But when I had acquired a more accurate know- 
 ledge of the state of affairs in the town, I observed 
 that many tilings were conducted in but a very in- 
 different way, and that the State in some measure 
 was diseased for lack of fools. For as the inhabi- 
 tants examine and reflect upon every thing with 
 much circumspection and judgment, and never allow 
 themselves to be moved or affected by pompous enco- 
 miums, flowery language, and magnificent parade, 
 many of the means are lost, by which, otherwise, so 
 easily and without expense to the public, the 
 burghers in a State are'stimulated to great exertions, 
 which prove of the utmost benefit to the country. 
 
 The injurious consequences to a nation, which 
 flow from such a too anxious prudence, a certain 
 Minister of Finance, with much zeal, severally ex- 
 posed to me. " The one tree," were his words, " is 
 distinguished from another merely by name and ap- 
 pearance. There is no gown-mania among the 
 burghers, as the one cannot be distinguished by any 
 badge of honour before another, and no one in par- 
 
181 
 
 ticular appears to be wise and clever, for they arc 
 all wise and clever. I acknowledge, that stupidity 
 is a failure ; but to extirpate it entirely in a State, 
 does not appear to me at all advisable. It is suffi- 
 cient for every town to possess only as many wise 
 men, as there are public employments in it. It is 
 requisite that some should govern, and others be 
 governed. That which the government of another 
 country is able to effect by means of puppet-show 
 pageantry, trinkets, and baubles, cannot here be ac- 
 complished without bestowing considerable remu- 
 nerations, which not unfrequently exhaust the trea- 
 sury ; for the wise men, for the services they have 
 done the father-land, demand the kernel, while fools, 
 on the contrary, are put off with the shell. In like 
 manner, for example, titles and marks of honour, 
 which in other places allure fools to undertake ardu- 
 ous and dangerous enterprises, produce not the least 
 effect here upon the burghers, who consider that true 
 honour consists only in virtue and intrinsic worth, 
 and therefore never allow themselves to be dazzled 
 by the false glitter of trifles. In the hope of tlieir 
 names being immortalized and enrolled in the annals 
 of their country, your military and naval characters," 
 added he, " are stimulated to rush undauntedly on 
 the greatest dangers ; we, on the contrary, who look 
 upon all this as quibble and double entendre, and 
 who are unable to comprehend the meaning of the 
 
18^ 
 
 phrase, 'to live after death/ lack this stimulus. It 
 is thought here not worth while to acquire any ho- 
 nour, praise, or glory, which we are never likely to 
 hear named. Not to mention a thousand other in- 
 conveniences, which result from a too strict exami- 
 nation of the chimera, and which entirely and clearly 
 prove the correctness of the maxim — That it is 
 necessary in a loell regulated State, that one half, 
 at least, of its inhabitants shoiUd be fools. Foolish- 
 ness is to society, what acid is to the stomach : and 
 too little of either portion is as injurious as too 
 much." 
 
 I listened to the discourse of the Minister of 
 Finance with the greatest admiration. But on his 
 proffering me, in the name of the Council of State, 
 my freedom of the city, and endeavouring to tempt 
 me to remain there, my face became quite red, and 
 I concluded that his solicitations for my staying, 
 were in consequence of the opinion he had formed 
 of my stupidity, and his looking upon me as well 
 qualified to be the stomach-acid to a State that was 
 diseased by too much wisdom. Very soon after, 
 when I heard that the Senate had resolved on encou- 
 raging a great number of burghers to emigrate, as 
 settlers, to distant colonies, and that they intended 
 to borrow as many fools from the neighbouring 
 nations as would fill up the chasm again in the popu- 
 
183 
 
 lation, my suspicions were corroborated. I quitted, 
 therefore, not without some mortification, this with- 
 reason-replete city. But the maxim, which I lately 
 quoted, and with which our statesmen have hitherto 
 not been acquainted, namely — That it is neces- 
 sary in a well-regulated State, that one half^ at 
 least, of its inhabitants should befools,! could not 
 for a length of time get out of my head. I was 
 astonished that a rule and maxim, so beneficial, 
 should have remained so long unknown to the phi- 
 losophers of our globe. But perhaps I do them 
 wrong ; for it is possible, that the one or the other 
 may have discovered it, and perceived the correct- 
 ness of it ; but not thought it worth his while 
 to introduce it among the political maxims, because 
 this globe is, everywhere, so well stocked with 
 fools, thEit (without intending to slander any town 
 whatsoever) no hamlet, much less large city, is 
 anywhere to be found, which in the smallest de- 
 gree lacks this so extremely beneficial acid. 
 
 When I had rested myself a little, I proceeded 
 again on my journey, and travelled through several 
 provinces, which I shall pass over in silence, 
 as I discovered in them very little of the extraor- 
 dinary. I therefore thought that the wonders of 
 the planet Nazar were here at an end. But when 
 I arrived in Cabac, I met with new and very ex- 
 
184 
 
 traordinary things, which to many may appear 
 comj)letely incredible. Among the inhabitants 
 of this State, there are, for example, several who 
 have no heads, and who come entirely headless 
 into the world : they speak with a kind of mouth, 
 which is placed in the middle of their breast. Be- 
 cause of this defect in nature, they are excluded from 
 all arduous occupations, in which any brains are 
 required ; and there never was an instance of any 
 headless person obtaining an important employment 
 in this country. The posts to which they, for the 
 most part, are appointed, are those that are imme- 
 diately connected with the Court. From among 
 this headless race, the gentlemen of the bed-cham- 
 ber, stewards of the Prince's household, attendants 
 on the harem, grooms of the stole, and such-like, 
 are generally chosen. From the same class are 
 also elected beadles, sacristans, grave-diggers, 
 and others, whose business can easily be performed 
 without the assistance of many brains. 
 
 Now and then, however, one or the other of 
 them is admitted into the Council, either by par- 
 ticular favour of the authorities, or on the ground 
 of family merit, which rarely proves injurious to 
 the State. For experience teaches us, that the 
 majority in the Council commonly depends on a 
 verv few Senators, and that the rest are merely 
 
185 
 
 there to fill up the number, and to consent, and 
 subscribe to, the measures which the few have re- 
 solved upon. In this wise there sat in the Council, 
 during the time that I sojourned in the city, two 
 headless benchers, whose salaries were just as 
 high as those of the others. For although they, 
 because of this natural defect, were not furnished 
 with very peculiarly bright understandings, nor 
 were their ideas extraordinarily brilliant, yet they 
 gave their votes, and assented to the opinions 
 which the others had expressed. In this respect 
 they were more fortunate than their colleagues, 
 for when any affair was amiss in the Senate, no 
 one was ever offended at those who were not pos- 
 sessed of heads, but vented his spleen solely 
 against the rest: a clear proof, that it is some- 
 times a great advantage to be born without a head. 
 In other respects, this city yields to no place 
 upon this globe in pomp and splendour. It can 
 boast of a Palace, an University, and a magnificent 
 Cathedral. 
 
 In the two provinces in which I soon after ar- 
 rived, namely, Camhara and Spelek^ all the inhabi- 
 tants are Lime-trees. The distinction among them 
 consists solely in this, — that those in the first pro- 
 vince never become more than, at the highest, four 
 years old ; while those in the second, on the con- 
 
186 
 
 contrary, live to above four hundred years. In 
 Spelek, therefore, a person meets with many grand- 
 fathers, great-grandfathers, and great-great-grand- 
 fathers, and hears a number of proverbs and old 
 chronicles ; so that, on arriving in this country, one 
 might imagine that the time had been retarded for 
 the space of some centuries. As much as I pitied 
 the fate of the former, I, on the other hand, highly 
 extolled the happy state of the latter. But when I 
 had maturely reflected on the real condition of both, 
 I noticed that T was completely out in my judg- 
 ment. In Cambara, the inhabitants, in tlie course 
 of a few months after their birth, arrive at maturity 
 both in body and mind ; so that the first year is 
 suflicient for their formation and development, 
 and the other three seemed to be granted to them, 
 in order to prepare themselves for death. Under 
 these circumstances, this country appeared to me to 
 be a truly Platonic republic, in which every virtue 
 arrives at the greatest possible perfection. For as 
 the inhabitants, by reason of their very short lives, 
 are, as it were, continually on the wing, and look 
 upon this life as a gate through which they must 
 shortly pass to enter into the next, their minds are 
 more fixed upon their future than their present 
 state. Every one, on this account, may there 
 be looked upon as a true philosopher, who, without 
 being at all solicitous about terrestrial affairs. 
 
\81 
 
 strives, through the fear of God, virtuous actions, 
 and a clear conscience, to prepare himself for an 
 eternal beatitude. In short, this country appeared 
 to be inhabited by none but angels, or saints, and 
 to be the right school in which all that is virtuous 
 can best be learned. From this may be seen, how 
 unreasonably many people murmur at, and even 
 quarrel with. Providence, about the shortness of their 
 lives ; for our lives can only be called short, inas- 
 much as we spend the greatest part of them in 
 idleness, sloth, and voluptuousness ; and which 
 would certainly be always long enough, if our time 
 were well employed. 
 
 In Spelek, on the contrary, where the lives of the 
 inhabitants are prolonged to above four hundred 
 years, every vice, which can be found in mankind, 
 appears to prevail. The people there have only 
 the present before their eyes, as though they were 
 immortal, and would never decline ; and therefore 
 uprightness, integrity, honesty, chastity, and de- 
 cency, are fled, and have given place to falsehood, 
 deceit, extravagance, luxury, and immorality. 
 
 I'his prolongation of life has still another very 
 lamentable effect. Those persons who, through 
 unfortunate events, lose their property, receive hurts 
 in their limbs, or fall into incurable sickness, are 
 
188 
 
 accustomed to curse intolerably their existence, 
 and at last to commit suicide, as they, because of 
 their long lives, see no end to their sufferings. The 
 shortness of life is the most efficacious consolation 
 to all wretched people. Both these countries 
 greatly excited my admiration, and I quitted them 
 with my head filled with philosophical contem- 
 plations. 
 
 I now travelled over nothing but a barren and 
 rocky tract of country, until I at length arrived at 
 Spalank, or, as it is generally called. The Land of 
 Innoo€?ice, It has obtained this appellation in 
 consequence of the mild dispositions and innocence 
 of its inhabitants. These trees, which are all majestic 
 Oaks, are look upon as the happiest of all mortal 
 beings, because they are free from all vehemence 
 of the passions, and consequently from every vice. 
 
 Freely, iinconstrain'd, each of himself obey'd 
 
 True nature's precepts, and in safe tranquillity. 
 
 Where fear and punishment were quite unknown, 
 
 Did daily practise virtue, equity, 
 
 And justice. On no sacred stone engrav'd 
 
 Did threats appear, nor yet on sacred tablets 
 
 Were rigorous laws e'er publish'd. No one ever fear'd 
 
 The vengeance of his Sovereign; and without 
 
 A bulwark to protect them, all were safe. 
 
 No trumpet ever rous'd them to amuse 
 
189 
 
 Their Prince ])y stepping o*er the mangl'd corses 
 
 Of their brethren, on the blood-soak'd field of battle. 
 
 The peaceful ploughshare into sword or spear, 
 
 Was tliere ne'er forged ; but without contention, strife, 
 
 Or battle, they their sportive gambols play'd, 
 
 Like tender infants on the mother's lap, 
 
 Secure from harm, amidst eternal peace. 
 
 On my arrival in this province, I experienced 
 that everything which fame had said regarding it, 
 was true ; namely, that the inhabitants, solely from 
 their own inclinations, and not from any obligation 
 of the law, really practised virtue. Every covet- 
 ousness, wrath, hatred, pride, ambition, discord, 
 and all other human vices, I found were expelled 
 from this country. But at the same time, vices, 
 and many other things which adorn mankind, and 
 exalt the rational above the brute creation, are there 
 wanting. If we except theology, natural philo- 
 sophy, and astronomy, no other sciences are there 
 cultivated; and jurisprudence, politics, history, 
 morality, the mathematics, elocution, and several 
 others, were sciences which were even not known 
 by name. As envy and ambition do not in the 
 smallest degree exist among this people, there is 
 much need of the gown-mania, which so frequently 
 stimulates people to undertake and achieve the 
 greatest and most laudable enterprises. There 
 was no palace, or magnificent building, no senate, 
 
190 
 
 or sessions-house, and no great wealth ; as there 
 were neither magistracy, taw-suits, nor avarice. In a 
 word, there were no vices, or rather there was no 
 taste, art, parade, or such-hke, which are looked 
 upon as accomplishments, that add dignity and 
 greatness to empires, and refine mankind ; so that 
 it appears much more like being in a forest of 
 oaks, than in a cultivated State. I remained, there- 
 fore, a long time in doubt respecting the judgment 
 I ought to form of this nation, and whether such 
 a natural condition were really desirable to hu- 
 manity. However, when I at length considered, 
 that the want of cultivation can be much better 
 endured than the want of virtue, and that unskilful- 
 ness in murder, outrage, theft, and other vices, that 
 are destructive both to soul and body, was nearly 
 allied to unskilfulness in certain sciences, I must 
 acknowledge that this State was happy. 
 
 On the way, as I was passing through this coun- 
 try, I fell once by accident over a stone, and des- 
 perately hurt my left shin, which caused it to swell 
 very much. A peasant, who witnessed the accident, 
 ran immediately and plucked some herbs, which he 
 laid upon the sore, whereby the pain was quickly 
 allayed, and the swelling disappeared. I concluded 
 from this, that this people must possess superior 
 skill in the art of healing; which really was the 
 
191 
 
 case. For as tlio studies of the Spalankians were 
 confined to a few sciences, they are not, like our 
 poly-historians, contented with the husk, but pene- 
 trate to the kernel. When I thanked the doctor 
 for the service he had rendered me, and said, that 
 God would reward him for his kindness, he replied, 
 although in the simple style of a peasant, with so 
 much judiciousness, profundity, and religion, that 
 I really fancied I saw an angel, or some other kind 
 of heavenly being, before my eyes, in the form of a 
 tree. From this may be seen, how unreasonably 
 we are sometimes offended at the partisans of 
 apathy, whom we believe to live in indolence and 
 sluggishness, because they do not feel great soli- 
 citude, and exhibit excessive sorrow or joy, and 
 never give way to anger or any other vehement 
 passions of the mind. But still more clearly may 
 it be seen from this, how greatly those persons err, 
 who believe that vice is in any way necessary to 
 man, and insist that anger is the soul of valour, 
 envy the stimulus to industr}^, and suspicion the 
 mother of prudence; for the apple falls commonly 
 not far from the stem, and an addled e^^ never 
 produces a fine chicken. Many of the virtues, 
 whereof mankind seems to be proud, and which 
 are extolled to the skies, both in rhyme and blank 
 verse, deserve, when they are viewed with a philo- 
 
192 
 
 sophic eyi, much more to bo reprobated than ex- 
 tolled. 
 
 When I quitted this country, I travelled through 
 the province Kilak, the inhabitants of which are 
 born witli certain marks on their foreheads, which 
 indicate the number of years that each has to live. 
 I looked upon these people in the beginning to 
 be very happy, as death could never surprise 
 them, nor tear them away with all their sins 
 upon their heads. But, as every one knows on 
 what day he shall die, they all procrastinate their 
 repentance until the very last hour. If, therefore^ 
 one were desirous of finding a person among them, 
 who led a religious and honest life, one ought to 
 look for such a character among those whose marks 
 on the forehead announced that they were chanting 
 the last verse of their funeral dirge. I observed 
 several walking through the streets with their heads 
 hanging down; these were all persons who must 
 shortly pass on into a future state. They counted 
 the hours and minutes upon their fingers, and 
 looked forward with dread to their momentarily 
 approaching dissolution. This placed conspicuously 
 before my sight, the wisdom and goodness of the 
 great Creator towards us in this respect; and 1 was 
 thoroughly convinced that it was right that God's 
 
193 
 
 creatures should bo ignorant of the time of the 
 coming of death. 
 
 From this place I was ferried over a kind of 
 sound, in a small boat, and landed in the State of 
 Askarak. Here I met with wonders entirely new ; 
 for, unlike Cabac, which produces people without 
 heads, here some of the inhabitants come into the 
 world with no less than seven. These are com- 
 monly universal geniuses, of whom the ancients, 
 in times of old, made very much, and worshipped, 
 on account of this gift of nature, with almost a 
 divine adoration ; so that they never appointed 
 generals, or elected senators, burgfi^-masters, or 
 lords-lieutenant of counties, of any other lineage 
 than theirs. As they have just as many different 
 schemes, projects, designs, plans, and ways of 
 thinking, as they possess heads, they perform a 
 variety^ of things correctly enough, with zeal 
 and alertness ; yet while the reins of government 
 were in their hands, there was nothing which they 
 touched or altered: but as they put every thing in 
 execution at the same time, and the multiplicity of 
 different ideas in their heads very naturally and very 
 easily made them fall into controversies and disputes 
 with each other, they at length neither knew how to 
 proceed or desist ; and their affairs, by degrees, be- 
 came so involved in disorder, and so embarrassed, 
 
 o 
 
194 
 
 that it required whole centuries to bring those 
 things again into order, which the all-knowing 
 authorities had so completely entangled. It was, 
 therefore, once for all, ordained by law, that no 
 seven-headed person, for the future, should ever be 
 appointed to an important situation ; and that the 
 State, from that time forward, should be directed 
 solely by plain, simple persons ; that is to say, by 
 those who possessed only a single head. Thus 
 are those persons, who heretofore were of so much 
 distinction, and looked upon as demi-gods, falling 
 now into nearly the same degraded condition as the 
 headless race in Cabac. For as they were not 
 able to perform anything, because they had no heads, 
 so these perform everything inverted, because they 
 possess too many. The seven-headed gentlemen, 
 in consequence, are for the present entirely excluded 
 from all public situations, and therefore pass their 
 time in quiet. Nevertheless, they serve as a kind 
 of ornament to the State. They are carried about 
 the country, like jugglers and mountebanks, to ex- 
 hibit their tricks, and show the people how bounti- 
 ful nature has been to them ; but had it been a little 
 more sparing, and content with giving them only 
 one bead, it would have done much better. Of the 
 seven-headed race, during my time, no more than 
 three obtained employments ; nor would these have 
 obtained their appointments, had they not before* 
 
195 
 
 hand suffered six of their heads to be taken off, and in 
 this wise again collected the many disjxjrsed ideas, 
 to form a sound understanding in the head which 
 was left behind ; in the same manner as trees are 
 lopped of their superfluous branches, that those 
 which remain on the trunks may thrive the better. 
 There are, however, very few who venture to sub- 
 mit to this excessively painful, and frequently 
 mortal, operation. From this I was convinced, 
 that too much, of whatsoever it may be, is always 
 injurious, and that cleverness consists in regular 
 and methodically-digested ideas in a single head. 
 
 From this nation 1 proceeded on through several 
 deserts, until I arrived in the principality of Bos- 
 tanki, the inhabitants of which, in their exterior 
 appearance, much resemble the Potuites ; but in 
 the internal conformation of their bodies they are 
 widely different, for the heart is placed in the right 
 thigh ; so that it may very truly said of them, that 
 their hearts are in their breeches. They are also 
 looked upon as the greatest cowards of all the in- 
 habitants upon this planet. 
 
 I arrived, much out of humour, however, with 
 the bad road, at a public-house, just within tlie 
 gate of the town, and uttered some crabbed ex- 
 pressions to the landlord, who tired me with his 
 
 o2 
 
196 
 
 incessant talkativeness and demands to know what 
 I desired to take. He fell down on his knees be- 
 fore me, and begged, with tears in his eyes, that I 
 would be indulgent and forgive him ; at the same 
 time he thrust forward his right thigh, and requested 
 I would feel how much his heart palpitated. At 
 this I burst into laughter, and forgot the whole 
 of my troubles and vexation. I dried up the tears 
 of this poor, miserable sinner, and bade him com- 
 pose himself, and fear not. He rose up again 
 on his feet, kissed my hand, and then went away 
 to prepare some repast for me. Not long after, 
 I heard a most horrible shrieking and howling in 
 the kitchen, which resounded through the whole 
 house. I ran immediately out, and saw, to my 
 great astonishment, this dastard of a host in full 
 employ, soundly beating his wife and the servant- 
 maids ; but as soon as he perceived me, he took to 
 his heels and made a precipitate flight. I then 
 turned to the wife and maids, who were weep- 
 ing, and inquired what fault or oiTence they had 
 committed, to put this meek and peaceable man 
 into so dreadful a passion. But they remained a 
 long time motionless, with tlieir eyes fixed upon the 
 ground, and answered not a word, as if they were 
 afraid of betraying their grief; but somewhile after, 
 as I pressed my inquir}% and used both entreaties 
 and threats, the wife at length broke silence in the 
 
197 
 
 following words : — " My dear stranger, you seem 
 not to have much knowledge of men. The burghers 
 of this country, who dare not show themselves 
 before the face of an armed enemy, and who are 
 ready, at the least noise or alarm, to creep, through 
 fear, into a mouse-hole, all rule the ro«st in their 
 kitchens, and behave in the most tyrannical manner 
 to us poor weak females. Against people who are 
 armed, they never make war ; it is only the unarmed 
 whom they dare encounter. Our country is, for that 
 reason, exposed to continual ridicule, and the rapa- 
 cious incursions of our neighbours. In the adjoining 
 State, to which we are obliged to pay tribute, the 
 men are quite otherwise disposed ; they never engage 
 but with an armed enemy, never rule but abroad, 
 and at home they are all submission and obedience." 
 
 I was astonished at, and admired, this woman's 
 understanding, and was fully sensible that she de- 
 served a better fate. In the course of time, after 
 I had acquired a more accurate knowledge of the 
 natural disposition of these people, I could not but 
 acknowledge that what she said was perfectly 
 true ; for we may see, by thousands of examples, 
 that Hercules was not the only person who trembled 
 at his wife's slipper, but that it is commonly the 
 fate of all the greatest heroes to submit patiently 
 to the tyranny of the fair sex ; while, on the con- 
 
198 
 
 trary, the greatest cowards, who, like the Bos- 
 tankians, have their hearts in their breeches, are 
 heroes of the kitchen. This nation is under the 
 protection of the neighbouring State, and on that 
 account pays it an annual tribute. 
 
 I took my departure from this land in another 
 boat, and proceeded to Mikolak, where, when 1 
 had got ashore, I missed a frock-coat that I had 
 with me when I entered the boat. After I had for a 
 long time in vain disputed with the ferryman, who 
 obstinately denied the theft, I went to the magis- 
 trate of the town, and represented to him that I 
 was at least justified in demanding my own again, 
 although they denied me the right of prosecuting 
 the ferryman for the coat committed to his charge, 
 and which was stolen. But the magistrate not 
 only remined steadfast in his refusal, but required 
 even that I should be punished for bringing a false 
 accusation. In this doubtful case, the Senate 
 called for witnesses ; but as I was not able to pro- 
 duce any, I proposed that the ferryman should be 
 put to his oath to prove his innocence. The Sheriff 
 smiled at this, and said — ** In this country, my 
 friend, no religious attestation is at all admissible; 
 the laws are our gods. For that reason, evidence 
 of this nature must be produced in a regular and 
 legal manner, either in writing or by means of 
 
199 
 
 witnesses. The^y who cannot bring either of these 
 forward, not only lose their cause, but are con- 
 demned at the same time as false accusers. Prove 
 the case by evidence, and you shall get back your 
 property." Thus I lost my cause for the want of 
 evidence ; but I pitied, on this occasion, not so 
 much mj^self, as the condition of this State. For I 
 clearly saw, from this circumstance, how slender 
 are the rights of society, when they are merely 
 founded upon human laws; and how little solidity is 
 there in the political structure that does not rest 
 upon the basis of religion. I tarried here for the 
 space of three days, but lived in continual fear. 
 For notwithstanding the laws are excellent, and 
 crimes are punished with the utmost severity, yet 
 there is not, nor ever can be, any security hoped for 
 in a country where no religion exists, and where 
 the inhabitants are not scrupulous about commit- 
 ting every sort of crime, merely because they were 
 ■enabled to conceal them. 
 
 From this country of atheists, I passed over a 
 very lofty, steep, and craggy mountain, and arrived 
 at Bracmat, which lies in a valley at the foot of the 
 mountain. The inhabitants of this city are Juniper- 
 trees. The first whom I met rushed upon me 
 with the whole weight and force of his body, so that 
 1 fell backwards with a terrible shock ; and on my 
 
200 
 
 demanding to know the reason of such a salute, he 
 begged my pardon in a very polite manner, and in 
 the most elegant and polished phraseology I 
 had ever heard. Immediately after this came a 
 second, holding in his hand a hedge-stake, which 
 he pushed against my side with such violence, that 
 I really thought I was hipshot ; and he, in like 
 manner, apologized for his improvidence, in a 
 speech as subtle as it was amplified. 1 thought 
 that this nation must be blind, or at least purblind, 
 and therefore carefully made way for every one 
 whom I met. But this defect arises, as I after- 
 wards learned, from a too quick sight, which some 
 of them possess, and in consequence of which they 
 can discern objects very plainly at a distance which 
 nobody else can see ; but, on the other hand, are 
 incapable of seeing any thing that is immediately 
 under their noses, or close to their kei. These 
 keen -sighted people are generally called Makkattiy 
 and for the most part apply themselves to the 
 study of astronomy and transcendental philosophy. 
 For any terrestrial occupation, they are, in conse- 
 quence of their piercing sight, almost entirely use- 
 less, because they only see through the very small- 
 est trifle, and are, on the contrary, completely blind 
 to every thing one can touch or feel. The State, 
 however, employs them to examine the metal- 
 mines : for, as indifferently as they see things upon 
 
201 
 
 the earth, just as particularly well are they capable 
 of discerning every thing in the interior. I re- 
 marked, on this occasion, that these people, who 
 are blind from being too hawk-sighted, would see 
 better if their eyes were not so keen. 
 
 After having, with much difficulty, crossed a very 
 steep mountain, I arrived in Muiac, the capital of 
 which country has the appearance of a forest of 
 willows, for all the inhabitants are Willow-trees. 
 On reaching the market-place, I perceived a fine, 
 well-grown young man, who was the picture of 
 health, sitting upon a close-stool, and humbly im- 
 ploring the Council, which was there assembled, to 
 show their commiseration. When I inquired what 
 was the meaning of all this, I was answered, that 
 the young man was a malefactor, who was going 
 to take to-day his fifteenth dose. Confounded at 
 this answer, I went away, to endeavour to get 
 from my landlord some elucidation to these ob- 
 scure and enigmatical words. " We, here," said he, 
 " are entirely unacquainted with flogging, brand- 
 ing, hanging, and such-like punishments, with which 
 criminals in other countries are chastised ; that is 
 to say, because our intention is not so much to 
 punish, as to correct and reform, the guilty. The 
 malefactor, whom you lately saw seated upon the 
 close-stool, is a pitiful author, whose maggot for 
 
202 
 
 writing jneither the interdiction nor admonitions of 
 the Senate have been able to drive away or destroy, 
 and he is now, on that account, undergoing public 
 punishment or cure. The judges of the city, who 
 are all doctors of physic, hit upon this method of 
 tormenting him with one laxative after another, 
 until the maggot leaves him, and he cease to 
 write." A few minutes after, I came to the Apo- 
 thecaries' Hall, and perceived there, to my utter 
 astonishment, several earthen pots and jars set up 
 in a row, with the following inscriptions on them : 
 — Avarice-powder ; UnchastUy-jnlls; Salve for In^ 
 humanity; Lenitive^ or Qualifying Drops, for Pride 
 and Arrogance ; Bark against Luxury and Volup- 
 tuousness, &c. I cannot describe the giddiness 
 with which 1 was seized on beholding these quacks' 
 and jugglers' tricks. But I thought I should have 
 gone completely beside myself, on seeing some 
 bundles of manuscripts bearing the following titles : 
 — Magister Pisago^s Sermons, which, if read in 
 the morning, occasion Six Stools ; Doctor Vukest's 
 Instructive and Entertaining Reflections, which 
 promote Sleep, &c. I looked upon this nation to 
 be remarkably and preposterously silly ; but in 
 order to prove more fully the power and efficacy of 
 these medicaments, I opened the first of these 
 books. It was so stupid, dull, and insipid, that I 
 yawned before I had read the first page ; as I con- 
 
203 
 
 tiniunl, however, to read, 1 felt a violent twisting 
 and griping in my bowels, and before I Iiad finished 
 the second page, I was as full of wind as a person 
 need desire to be ; but for the rest, as I was fresh 
 and healthy, and in no wise relaxed in my body, 
 I gave immediate vent to it, and hurried out of the 
 place. From this I remarked, that there was no- 
 thing in the world which was entirely useless, and 
 that even the most pitiful and insipid writings were 
 serviceable in their way. This proved to me that these 
 people, although of a very extraordinary kind, were 
 not completly stark mad. Mine host assured me, 
 that he had formerly been terribly tormented with 
 sleeplessness by night ; but that he was perfectly 
 cured of it, merely and solely by reading Doctor 
 Vukesfs Reflections ; " for this book," said he, 
 " was so powerful and so efficacious a remedy, that 
 it would even have lulled vigilance and wakefulness 
 themselves to sleep. On hearing these and other 
 remarks, my head was fdled wMth the strangest and 
 most surprising thoughts : but in order not to be 
 interrupted in my original design, I quitted this 
 land in the greatest haste ; which proved very 
 fortunate for me, as new peculiarities and wonders, 
 that I met with in those which I afterwards visited, 
 did not allow me much time to conside^r them. 
 But when 1 had finished my travels throughout 
 this planet, and reflected with deliberation on the 
 
204 
 
 Mutaccian philosophy, it appeared to me that the 
 science of medicine, which was practised among 
 the Mutaccians^ was not to be entirely condemned. 
 For I have often experienced, that we, here in 
 Europe, have numbers of books, that in like manner 
 affect the reader with nausea, drowsiness, and a laxity 
 of body. But as to what concerns the disorders 
 of the mind, I am not exactly of the same opinion 
 as the Mutaccian doctors, although I allow that 
 there are certain bodily infirmities which are con- 
 founded with those of the soul, and which one of 
 the poets here above ground has judiciously noticed 
 in the following epigram : — 
 
 " With humours, friend, much to our smart, 
 
 We hoth have long been treated ; 
 Those me annoy are in my heart, 
 
 Yours in your legs are seated. 
 Whenever I refuse to sing 
 
 Incomp'ny, I'm thought fearful, 
 The ladies call me proud, cross thing, 
 
 Because I am not cheerful : 
 But you, when you refuse to dance, 
 
 They readily excuse ye, 
 And pity's seen in ev'ry glance, 
 
 No woman will abuse ye. 
 Betwixt us both thus stands the thing, 
 
 With singing and with dancing — 
 I have no heart at all to sing, 
 
 Nor have you legs for prancing." 
 
205 
 
 On leaving this country, I crossed over a flame- 
 coloured lake, and arrived in Mikrok. I was de- 
 sirous of entering the city which bears the same 
 name, but, to my surprise, I found the gates locked, 
 I remained a considerable time before the drowsy 
 guard thought proper to take down the iron bars, 
 unbolt, and open them. When I entered, I found 
 that there reigned in the city the most profound 
 quiet, except in so far that the snoring of the sleep- 
 ing inhabitants made such a whizzing and humming 
 in my ears, that I imagined myself to be arrived 
 in the real abode of Somnus, which is described by 
 the poets. I thought to myself, O ! that several 
 of the burgher-masters, senators, and other such- 
 like honourable citizens of my father-land, had 
 been brought up here! how these men, who are so 
 careful and solicitous about their ease and quiet, 
 would have enjoyed themselves in tranquillity and 
 comfort in this most happy town ! I noticed, how- 
 ever, from the signs and inscriptions against the 
 houses, that the arts, trades, and professions, were 
 here encouraged, and that many applied themselves 
 to the study of jurisprudence. By the help of these 
 signs, I found out an inn, but was obliged to remain 
 for a long time on the outside, as the door was fast, 
 and it was still night with the inhabitants, although 
 the sun was high above the horizon. After knock- 
 ing and kicking a long while with all my might, I 
 
206 
 
 was at last admitted. I was informed that day 
 and night were here divided into twenty-three 
 hours, whereof nineteen were passed in sleep, and 
 the other four in getting thoroughly awake. I con- 
 cluded from this, that both public and domestic 
 affairs must be very much neglected ; and therefore 
 requested that they would bring me, with all speed, 
 whatever eatables were first at hand, for fear the 
 night should overtake the cook in the midst of pre- 
 paring the dinner. But as every thing here is per- 
 formed without many ceremonies, and all superfluity 
 is discarded, the short day of the Mikrokians is suf- 
 ficiently long for the performance of their several 
 occupations. After the repast was over, which was 
 served up quicker than I expected, my host attended 
 me about the town. During our perambulation 
 we entered a church, and hearkened to a sermon, 
 which certainly did not last long, but was as ener- 
 getic and as nervous as it was short. The orator 
 never strayed from his text, used no circumlocution, 
 no repetition, no redundancy ; so that I found his 
 discourse, on comparing it with the sermons of 
 Alagister Peter ^ which so often tired me, to contain 
 much more than the very longest of his. The 
 affairs of justice are disposed of in the same sum- 
 mary way. The pleading barristers say much in 
 a few words, and the witnesses are immediately 
 called and examined. I remember, among other 
 
207 
 
 things, a treaty on the occasion of an alliance that 
 had been lately concluded between them and a 
 neighbouring nation, which was drawn up in these 
 words: — " There shall be perpelmil friendship 
 between the Mikrokians and the Splendikians. The 
 river Klimak and Mount Zabor shall be the boun- 
 daries between the States. Signedy^ SfC. ^c. In this 
 wise, three or four lines with them, are sufficient to 
 express that for which we require a whole volume. 
 From this may be seen, that a person might come 
 to the purpose with much less bustle and loss of 
 time, if he only omitted all unnecessary circumlo- 
 cution; and, like the way-faring man, would save 
 half the distance by going in a straight direction. 
 All the inhabitants in this country are Cypresses, 
 and differ from other trees in having certain knots 
 on their foreheads. These knots at certain times 
 increase and decrease; and when their foreheads 
 begin to swell, they, on the humours again sub- 
 siding to the eyes, are seized with a species of 
 rheum or cold in the head, which announces the 
 approach of night. 
 
 About a day's journey from thence lies Makrok, 
 or, as its name denotes. The Land of the Wakeful^ 
 the inhabitants whereof never sleep. As soon as I 
 had entered the town, I met a young person, who 
 appeared to be in very great haste. I requested him. 
 
208 
 
 very respectfully, to have the complaisance to show 
 me a decent inn ; but he replied, that he was too 
 full of business, and then went his way. All were 
 in so great a hurry, that they did not appear to 
 walk, but to run or fly through the streets and lanes, 
 as if every one were afraid of arriving too late. I 
 thought that a fire had broken out, or that some 
 other great evil was brewing in the town, and con- 
 tinued sauntering about by myself, until I at length 
 came to a building which, from the sign of it, I 
 knew to be an inn. Numbers of people were here 
 running up and down the steps of the door in the 
 greatest confusion, and some fell down upon the 
 ground through sheer fright ; so that I was obliged 
 to wait nearly a quarter of an hour in the porch, 
 before I could enter the house. I was immediately 
 assailed with a thousand unmeaning questions. One 
 asked me whence 1 came ? whither I was going ? 
 how long I intended to stay in the town ? Another, 
 whether I would dine alone, or in company ? in 
 which room ? the red, green, yellow, or the black 
 room ? up-stairs, or below in the parlour ? and a 
 great many others. The landlord, who at the 
 same time was clerk to an inferior Court of Justice, 
 went out to superintend the dinner ; but quickly re- 
 turned, and explained to me, with almost endless 
 amplification and circumlocution, the concatenation 
 of circumstances in a law-suit, which had already 
 
209 
 
 lasted ten years, and was now going to be argued 
 before the fourteenth Court. "I hope," said he, "that 
 in the course of two years more, it will be termi- 
 nated ; as there are now only two more tribunals, 
 before no further appeal can be made. " He left me 
 much surprised at his speech, which was sufficient 
 to prove to me that this nation was very busy in 
 doing nothing. While he was absent, I took the 
 opportunity of looking a little about the house, and 
 perceived a collection of books, which, to judge 
 from the number of volumes, was very considerable ; 
 but in regard to their contents, extremely jejune and 
 insipid. Among the folios, which were elegantly 
 bound, I remarked the following : — 
 
 1. Description of >SV. Kate's Church, 24 volumes. 
 
 2. Siege of the Fortress Pehunk, 36 volumes. 
 
 3. On the Use of the Herb 8lak, 13 volumes, 
 with many plates. 
 
 4. Funeral Sermon over the Sheriff Jaksi, 18 
 volumes. 
 
 As mine host had now again returned, he entered 
 into discourse with me concerning the state of the 
 City, from which I was led to conclude, that the 
 drowsv Mikrokimis effected much more than the 
 wakeful I\lakrokia7is ; as the first penetrate directly 
 to the centre of any thing, while the latter only skim 
 
 p 
 
210 
 
 over the surface. These people are also Cypresses, 
 and, if we except the knots on their foreheads, they 
 differ very little in their outward form from the inha- 
 bitants of Mikrok, But they have no blood, or 
 regular fluid, in their veins, like the other trees upon 
 this globe ; but, in lieu of it, they have a thick hu- 
 mour or mucus, which possesses the same property 
 as quicksilver : nay, some even maintain that it is 
 quicksilver, as it produces the same effect as 
 mercury in the thermometer. 
 
 After a journey of two days I arrived in the re- 
 public of Siklok, which consists of two closely-allied 
 States, that have very opposite laws. The first, 
 which is called Miho^ was founded by JSIihak^ an 
 ancient and celebrated law^-giver, and the subterra- 
 nean Z^c?^;-^ws. He strove principally, by the intro- 
 duction of frugal measures, to strengthen the State, 
 and rigorously forbade all prodigality. This pro- 
 vince deser\^es, for that reason, and on account of 
 its abstemiousness and frugality, to bear the name 
 €>{ Neiv Sparta. But I was much surprised to find 
 so many beggars in so well regulated a State, that 
 seemed to pride itself so much on its excellent laws ; 
 for which way soever I turned myself, I was sure 
 to see a tree asking charity ; so that travelling here 
 was extremely unpleasant and irksome. When I 
 had more narrowly looked into the condition of this 
 
211 
 
 oountiy, I discovered, that the abstemiousiK^ss of 
 the inhabitants was the true source of all their 
 misery ; for as all pomp, excess, and profuseness, 
 are banished, and the rich are not suffered to enjoy 
 their riches, the common people sleep away their 
 lives in indolence and extreme poverty, as they 
 have no employment by which they can earn any 
 thing. I was convinced from this, that penurious- 
 ness and too much frugality produce the same effect 
 in a State, as the stagnation of the blood in the 
 human body. 
 
 In the second province, Liho, the people, on the 
 contrary, live in great affluence, and spare no ex- 
 pense in gratifying their appetites and desires, and 
 indulging their humours. For that reason the arts, 
 sciences, trades, and professions, flourish every- 
 where : the citizens are encouraged to work ; where- 
 by they not only avoid the sufferings of indigence, 
 but even very often enrich themselves ; and if any 
 are reduced to extreme want, it is always their 
 own fault, for there is no lack of opportunities for 
 each to earn his bread. Thus, the prodigality of 
 the rich gives a kind of life to the whole State, in 
 the same manner as the circulation of the blood 
 affords health and strength to the members of i\\ii 
 body. 
 
 p2 
 
212 
 
 ' Adjacent to this country is Lama, the renowned 
 seat of the science of physic. This science is culti- 
 vated here with so much attention, that no one is 
 considered a legitimate doctor, unless he has studied 
 at the University of Laina. For that reason the 
 town swarms so with physicians, that it is much 
 more rare to meet a man than a doctor. There 
 are whole streets that are filled with apothecaries'- 
 shops, theatres of anatomy, and manufactories of 
 chirurgical instruments. While I was once saunter- 
 ing about the town, I met a little boy-tree, who 
 was crying lists of births and deaths to sell. I 
 bought one ; and perceived, to my utter amaze- 
 ment, that in the preceding year one hundred and 
 fifty trees were born, and that no less than six 
 hundred had died. I was unable to conceive 
 how Death could thus play his games in the 
 Temple of Apollo, and therefore asked the boy, 
 whether there had not raged, in the preceding year, 
 an unusual epidemic fever or pest in the town ? He 
 answered me, that two years ago the mortality w^as 
 still greater ; and that this was the ordinary pro- 
 portion between the births and deaths, as the latter 
 were usually three or four times as numerous as 
 the former, because the inhabitants were continually 
 liable to mortiferous diseases; so that the town, 
 were it not annually to receive an addition of popu- 
 
213 
 
 lation from tlio provinces, would soon be empty. 
 On hearing this, I considered it by no means ad- 
 visable to remain here too long, and therefore made 
 all the haste possible out of the tow^n ; and the more 
 anxious was I to depart, as the very sound of the 
 words, doctor and anatomical instruments, from 
 the time that I was in the land of philosophers, ex- 
 cited in me a constant horror. I set off running, 
 and never slackened my pace until I reached a 
 small hamlet, which lay from the town at the dis- 
 tance of about four thousand steps, and where the 
 inhabitants are not liable to any bodily complaints, 
 and consequently have no need of doctors. 
 
 I continued my journey ; and after the expiration 
 of two days, I arrived in The Land of Liberty. 
 The inhabitants in this country are their own mas- 
 (iMs, and consist of several families, who have 
 nc^ithcT magistracy nor laws. They compose, never- 
 theless, a kind of State ; and in cases of emergency, 
 which concern the whole, they hold consultations 
 with the elders, who constantly advise peace and 
 harmony, and alwavs endeavour to inculcate the 
 lirst precept of nature: — Do not xinto others, what 
 }]ou looiUit not that they should do unto i/ou ! 
 \n every large, as well as small, town, stood the 
 elVigy of Lil)erty, carved out, Ireadin;^ unthT foot 
 tlie bonds and chahis of slavery, and over which 
 
214 
 
 was this inscription : — Golden Libert)/. In the first 
 town through which I passed, everything appeared 
 very quiet ; but the burghers wore certain bunches 
 of ribbons, of various colours, that denoted the 
 different parties into which the town was at that 
 time divided. On the outside, before all the prin- 
 cipal gates, sentinels were placed, all standing in 
 order of battle ; for the armistice was at an end, 
 and war was to commence again the following 
 day. In consequence of this, I tied in the greatest 
 anxiety out of the place, nor did I consider myself 
 entirely free and out of danger, until I had got out 
 of sight of this Land of Liberty. 
 
 Not far from this country lies Jochtana, before 
 which, in consequence of the dpscrii)tion I had heard 
 of it, I trembled with fear, as I expected to find 
 everything there more turbulent, unsafe, and in 
 more disorder, than in the Land of Liberty ; since 
 it had been related to me, that it was a rendezvous 
 for people of every religion, and that all the learn- 
 ing, which was diffused throughout the whole globe, 
 was here concentrated and taught publicly. As it 
 then came into my mind, that commotions and dis- 
 turbances are excited in most of the European 
 States, through a diversity in religion, I scarcely 
 durst venture to go into the capital, Jochtanaii; 
 where ther^ were as manv different churches, forms 
 
215 
 
 of worship, and sects opposed to each other, as 
 there were public squares, streets, and lanes. But 
 my fears were soon abated, on my perceiving that 
 the most perfect harmony reigned everywhere, un- 
 mingled with the least dislike or aversion. In 
 worldly matters they were all striving for the same 
 end ; they had but one mind, one work, one repose. 
 For as it is forbidden, under pain of death, that the 
 one prevent the other in the free exercise of his re- 
 ligion, or that any choler or resentment shall take 
 place among the sects of the obstinate or refractory 
 literati, so there is a diversity of opinions without 
 animosity, controversies without quarrelling, and 
 no hatred or malice ; for there are no persecutions. 
 There merely existed a perpetual, ])ut at the same 
 time decent and becoming, gown-mania among the 
 different parties ; for each sect stix)ve, through 
 leading an irreproachable life, and by an attention 
 to good and inoffensive manners, to prove that their 
 form of religion deserved the pre-eminence. In 
 this wise administration of State, the Government 
 took care that there was as little disorder occa- 
 sioned by this diversity of religious opinions, as 
 by the various siiops in the market, or different 
 manufactories, where they solely by their good 
 articles and superior workmanship allure customers, 
 without fraud, sway, detraction, or aspersion. 
 Thus, all opportunity for dissension is prevented. 
 
216 
 
 and a decent and becoming gown-mania, which is 
 so beneficial to a State, is kept up among the 
 burghers. Hence may be seen, that it is not a 
 diversity of religion, but a persecution of the con- 
 science, that creates all the broils and commotions, 
 which in this respect are prevalent in, and destroy 
 the internal peace of, other countries. 
 
 A certain learned Jochtaneser gave me a very 
 circumstantial account of this nation's manners, 
 government, and the reason of the prevailing tran- 
 quillity; to which I listened with much pleasure 
 and attention, and imprinted all that he related 
 deep in my memory. In the beginning, I made a 
 number of observations and objections; but at 
 length I found myself obliged to give up, in conse- 
 quence of the superiority of his experience, by which 
 he was able to prove, very evidently, his positions. 
 As the truth appeared as clear before my eyes as 
 the sun at noon-day, and as I was not so immodest 
 as to deny my own senses, 1 was compelled to 
 allow that freedom of thought was the true basis 
 on which this quiet and harmony rested. I had, 
 therefore, recourse to other weapons ; and said that 
 it was the duty of a legislator, on introducing any 
 regulations into the State, to look more to the future 
 than to the j)resent happiness of the community, 
 and not to mind so much what is of benefit or ad- 
 
217 
 
 vantage to them in this life, but what is pleasing in 
 the sight of God. To this he made the following 
 reply: — "You deceive yourself, stranger! if you 
 believe that God, the eternal source of truth, finds 
 pleasure in dissembled worship and hypocritical 
 adoration. In those nations, where all are com- 
 pelled by law to believe one and the samet- hing, 
 the door stands open to ignorance and dissimulation ; 
 for no one either will or dare discover his real 
 opinion, but, on the contrary, will often acknow- 
 ledge with his lips what his heart denies. There- 
 fore the doctrine of Divine things is treated with so 
 much indifference, and continues in its old way; 
 no one gives himself the trouble to arrive at truth, 
 and the priests themselves abstain from the study 
 of theology, in order not to be branded with the 
 name of heretic, and apply themselves to other 
 sciences which they can cultivate with more freedom 
 and less danger. Those persons are condemned, 
 who swerve from the prevailing opinion;, but dis- 
 semblers and hypocrites are abominable before the 
 face of God, to whom an erroneous sincerity is 
 more acceptable than a f(Mgned confession of the 
 true belief." When he had finished those words, 
 1 maintained a perfect silence, not daring any more 
 to engage in a controversy with this acute and subth? 
 peoi)le. 
 
218 
 
 1 had now spent nearly two months upon my 
 travels, when I arrived at length in Tumhak^ — a 
 State adjoining the principality of Potit^ and which 
 I almost looked upon as my home ; for here I per- 
 ceived that my troublesome rambles were drawing 
 fast to a close. The inhabitants, for the most part, 
 are Olive-trees, and are a very devout and austere 
 nation. In the first inn to which I came, I was 
 obliged, although half famished, to wait, notwith- 
 standing my repeated requests, full two hours for 
 my breakfast. The cause of this delay was the 
 landlord's unseasonable devotion, which hindered 
 him from attending to any of his duties until he 
 had concluded his matins. These having been 
 some time ended, 
 
 be stalk'd iu. 
 
 Pale-fac'd and grumbling, with bis hand beneath bis chin ; 
 He brought a piece of bread, all green and blue with mould, 
 And eke some carrion lamb, not quite a fortnight old. 
 
 But for this breakfast I was obliged to pay exor- 
 bitantly ; and can affirm, that I never in my life 
 met with so devout, at the same time so uncon- 
 scionable, a landlord as this. I therefore thought 
 to myself, that it would be better, if they were a 
 little more sparing in their prayers, and a little less 
 niggardly in their acts of chanty and benevolence; 
 
219 
 
 but 1 kept dissatisfaction to myself, and stilled my 
 anger, well knowing that nothing is more danger- 
 ous, than to provoke heavenly-minded people. All 
 the burghers of this town were rigid moralists and 
 manner-rebuking Catos. They sauntered about 
 the streets with their heads hanging on their 
 branches, preaching against the pomp and vanity 
 of this wicked world, and condemning every one, 
 who enjoyed even the most innocent pleasures, to 
 the bottomless pit of hell. They vilified every- 
 thing with the most rigid austerity, even to looks 
 and smiles ; and by an incessant inveighing against 
 the conduct of others, they got the appellation of 
 saints. As I was completely wearied out with the 
 troubles and difficulties I had endured, and felt in- 
 clined to cheer my spirits and recruit my strengtli 
 a little with innocent amusements, I was reproved 
 for it throughout the whole town, so that every 
 house seemed to be a confession-chair. 
 
 Several among them, when they saw that neither 
 their admonitions nor reprehensions had any efiect 
 upon me, shunned me as tliey would poison or the 
 plague. Not to detain the reader much longer 
 with a description of this austere, gloomy, sullen, 
 and morose people, I will only quote om; example 
 more, which is a true picture of their character, and 
 from which a person will easily imagine to himself 
 
220 
 
 all the rest. — A Tinnhakker, whom I had known 
 before, and with whom I was on terms of friendship 
 at Potu, saw me by chance passing a jmblic-house, 
 and invited me in. As he had heard that I was 
 accustomed to pamper and indulge myself a little, he 
 reproved me with so much anger for my conduct 
 and way of life, that my hair stood on end, and 
 every limb of me began to tremble. In the mean 
 time, while this my Cato was fulminating against 
 me, we took a friendly glass together, and then a 
 second, a third, and so on; until both our heads 
 became so heavy, that we fell over backwards 
 upon the floor, and were carried home half dead. 
 When I had slept off the effects of this debauch, 
 and had again recovered my reason, I reflected 
 seriously on the religious zeal of this fanatic nation, 
 and was convinced in my ovvn mind, that such-like 
 holy fervour ought to be attributed to the bile and 
 ill-humours, rather than to true religious feelings. 
 Meanwhile I considered it advisable not openly to 
 declare this opinion to any one, and therefore 
 quitted the place in silence. 
 
 After the expiration of two months, I at length 
 arrived at home, much fatigued ; for my feet, through 
 perpetually tramping, were become so tender that 
 I could scarcely stand upon them. I arrived again 
 in Potu on the tenth day of Ash-month. The first 
 
221 
 
 tiling that I proposed doing, was most humbl^^ to 
 lay before the Prince my journal, which his Serene 
 Highness ordered forthwith to be printed. 1 must 
 here remark, that the art of printing, which tlie 
 Europeans and Chinese pride themselves upon 
 having invented, was here in use much anterior. 
 The Potuites discovered so much taste in my 
 Travels, that they were never tired of reading them. 
 The young trees went through every street and 
 lane in the town, crying, Courier Skabba's Travels 
 round the World! Inflated with this good success, 
 I now strove after still greater honours, and flattered 
 myself with the hope of obtaining a particularly 
 high and important appointment; but when I found 
 that my hopes were vain, I again presented a pe- 
 tition to his Serene Highness, wherein I set my 
 toils and labour in their proper light, and solicited 
 a reward for my extraordinary services. The Prince, 
 who was kind and beneficent, yielded to my prayers, 
 and promised to keep me in his gracious remem- 
 brance: he kept his promise, but the favour consisted 
 in a yearly augmentation of my former salary. I 
 had fixed my mind upon a very different reward; 
 I felt, therefore, by no means satisfied on this 
 occasion; but as I durst not importune the Prince 
 with any more petitions, I made known my wants 
 to the Lord Chancellor. This particularly reason- 
 able personage listened to my com])laints with his 
 
222 
 
 usual afTability and courteousnoss, and promised to 
 use all his influence in my behalf; but advised me, 
 at the same time, to desist from so inconsistent 
 and preposterous a request, and take a more correct 
 measure of my own insignificance and slender 
 judgment. " Nature," said he, " has been only a 
 step-mother to you ; you are entirely devoid of 
 those talents which pave the way to important 
 situations. A child must creep before it can go ; 
 and it is absurd to try to fly without wings. 
 Granted, that you really obtained all that you so 
 foolishly desire ; in that case the laws would be 
 infringed, and the Prince would everywhere be 
 censured for it: be, therefore, content with your 
 lot, and give up every hope which is contrary to 
 nature!" For the rest, he acknowledged my ser- 
 vices, and admitted that the constancy and perse- 
 verance ^^ith which I had encountered so many 
 difliculties on my travels, were worthy of the 
 highest commendation : '' But it was not such-like 
 services," added he, *' which were sufllcient recom- 
 mendations to State employments; for if every 
 fatigue that was endured, and every individual 
 service that was performed, gave a claim to high 
 appointments, then every painter and statuar}^ — the 
 one for his skill in painting, and the other for his 
 ability in sculpture — would be justified in requesting 
 to be elected senators. Services ouaht to be re- 
 
223 
 
 warded ; but the rewards, at the same time, should 
 be commensurate and suitable to the deed and the 
 person, in order that the State may not suffer by 
 it, and be exposed to ridicule." These remarks 
 had such an effect upon me, that I remained per- 
 fectly quiet for some time after. But as I could 
 not endure the thought of getting old in so mean 
 an employ, I again had recourse to the desperate 
 design, which I before had abandoned, of proposing 
 a reformation in the affairs of State ; and thus, by 
 an entirely new contrivance, at once to better my 
 own condition and that of the country. 
 
 A short time previous to setting out on my 
 travels, I examined, very attentively, the internal 
 condition of the principality, in order to discover 
 the most material defects in its political regulations, 
 and the means by which the same might the best 
 be remedied. From the condition of the province 
 of Kokleku, I had learned that a State always 
 totters, whenever females take part in the adminis- 
 tration of its affairs; for, as they are by nature fri- 
 volous and effeminate, they strive to enlarge their 
 power and authority beyond bounds, and never 
 give up until they have secured to themselves a 
 perfectly absolute domination. I therefore resolved 
 on making a proposition to exclude the fair sex 
 from all public employments; not doubting, by 
 
224 
 
 setting the matter in its true light, and representing 
 clearly the inconveniences which were necessarily 
 combined with the old regulations, that I should get 
 a majority of votes. It seemed to me an easy 
 matter, to convince every one of the danger to 
 which the male sex was exposed, if timely mea- 
 sures were not adopted to lessen the power of the 
 females. In case it were found, that a perfect 
 abolition of this custom would be attended with too 
 many difficulties, I maintained, that the female 
 regiment ought at least to be restricted to narrower 
 bounds. In this proposition I had a three-fold de- 
 sign. First, I was inclined to give it the appear- 
 ance of advising a remedy for an injurious defect 
 in the State; secondly, I endeavoured, through that 
 noble and profound contrivance of giving a proof of 
 my penetration and judgment, to mend my condi- 
 tion; and thirdly, I hoped to have an opportunity of 
 revenging myself upon the females for the wrongs, 
 outrages, and sarcasms, of which they had so fre- 
 quently been guilty towards me. I must candidly 
 acknowledge, that my own advantage, and the 
 desire of revenge, were the principal springs to 
 this proposition ; but I ingeniously kept everything 
 in pctto^ that I might not seem, under the pretext 
 of reforming abuses, to seek only my own advantage, 
 and thus tread in the footsteps of all other projectors, 
 who always make so much fuss about their i)ropo- 
 
225 
 
 sitions being for the general benefit of the nation ; 
 but when the matter is seen a little deeper into, it 
 is evident enough that they had nothing else in view 
 than their own advantage. 
 
 I formed my plan with all the art of which I was 
 master, supported it on the most solid foundations, 
 and presented it most humbly to the Prince. He, 
 who had continually given me proofs of his special 
 favours, was struck with surprise, called it an im- 
 pertinent and foolish project, and told me that it 
 would certainly prove my ruin. He endeavoured, 
 therefore, by means of prayers and representations, 
 to persuade me to abandon it ; but — 
 
 If to friendship's usekss prayer, 
 
 He'd joinM the scowling anger of a prince, 
 
 I still was not to be deterred from my purpose. 
 I depended partly upon the benefit of my proposi- 
 tion, partly upon the support of the whole male sex, 
 on whom I fully relied, and remained, in spite of 
 every admonition, obstinate and fixed in my reso- 
 lution. I was, therefore, according to law, con- 
 ducted to the market-place, with a ropo about my 
 neck, to await the decision of the Council. All the 
 Senators were assembled, and after they had given 
 their votes, the judgment was dispatched to the 
 Prince for his signature; and from him it was again 
 
 Q 
 
226 
 
 sent back, and publicly proclaimed by a' berald, as 
 follows :— 
 
 '^ After mature consideration, we have judged, 
 and do judge, that the proposition made by the 
 gentleman Skabba, principal courier to his Serene 
 Highness, lo exclude the fair sex from all 'public 
 employments, cannot be received and executed 
 without the greatest injury being occasioned to the 
 State; seeing that one half of the nation, which is 
 composed of females, must necessarily, on intro- 
 ducing this change, be incited to insurrection and 
 rebellion, and thereby become inimical and danger- 
 ous to the Government. Moreover, we consider it 
 unjust and unreasonable to deny to deserving trees 
 of superior qualifications, admission to posts of 
 honour; especially since it is not to be thought, that 
 nature, which does nothing rashly, should, without 
 design, have endowed them with so many extraor- 
 dinary talents. We conceive, that in the distribu- 
 tion of appointments, the necessity of the State 
 requires, that fitness and order should be more seen 
 to than name. And as the country is not unfre- 
 quently in want of well-qualified subjects, we find 
 it absurd, to declare at once, by edict or decree of 
 the Council, the one half of the inhabitants unworthy 
 and unfit for public situations, merel}^ on account 
 of their birth. After the most profound deliberation. 
 
227 
 
 we are of opinion, and judge it to be the law and 
 justice, that the aforesaid Skaljba should^ for his 
 •preposterous and audacious proposition^ suffer the 
 usual punishment ivhich the law awards in such 
 cases.'' 
 
 The Prince was much concerned at my misfor- 
 tune ; but as he was never in the habit of altering 
 the decrees of the Senate, he signed the judgment; 
 and after having thereunto affixed his seal, he 
 ordered it to be made public ; but, however, with 
 this commutation — that I, as an alien, who was 
 born and bred in a foreign country, where an acute- 
 ness of understanding is looked upon as perfec- 
 tion, should, in consideration of this, have the 
 punishment of death remitted. That the laws, 
 however, might not, through such a noncomi)liance, 
 lose any thing of their sacredness, I should remain 
 in prison until the beginning of Birch-month ; when 
 I, together with the other malefactors, should be 
 transported to the firmament. 
 
 When they had published the sentence, I was 
 conveyed to gaol. Some of my friends advised me 
 to protest against the judgment, on the ground, 
 that there were many women and virgins among 
 the judges, who had consequently judged in their 
 own cause. Others thought it still more advisable 
 
 q2 
 
228 
 
 for me to acknowledge my error, and endeavour 
 to exculpate myself on the ground of innate stupi- 
 dity, as a national defect. But to this I was not 
 to be persuaded, out of respect to my above-ground 
 cotemporaries, whose dignity and reputation would, 
 by such an acknowledgment, in no small degree 
 have been lowered and stained. 
 
 Not long after, I was given to understand, that 
 the Prince had resolved on remitting all punishment, 
 provided I would only beg pardon for my offence ; 
 notwithstanding the First Lord of the Treasury, the 
 widow Rahagna, had opposed my being set at 
 liberty with all her might. But, to tell the truth, I 
 must acknowledge that I was not much displeased 
 with my sentence ; for the office which was imposed 
 upon me, was more odious to me than death, and 
 I was disgusted and tired of having any longer 
 intercourse with these trees, who were so inflated 
 by their great store of wisdom. I hoped, notwith- 
 standing, to make my fortune in the firmament, 
 where all strangers, as I heard, were, without dis- 
 tinction, well received. 
 
229 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 VOYAGE TO THE FIRMAWENT. 
 
 I HAVE hitherto mentioned nothing concerning 
 the very wonderful banishment to the firmament, 
 which, as a punishment, is put in practice by the 
 Subterraneans ; I will, therefore, here, as the most 
 suitable and convenient place, give the reader an 
 idea of the voyage. Twice in the year some ex- 
 traordinary large birds, which are called Kupakki, 
 or Post-birds, regularly make their appearance. 
 As they are in the habit of coming and going 
 at certain fixed periods, the reason of these their 
 punctual arrivals and departures has for a long time 
 racked tlie brains of the subterranean naturalists. 
 Some are of opinion, that certain insects, or un- 
 commonly large flies, whereof at that season of 
 the year there are vast multitudes, and to whicli 
 these birds are particularly partial, entice them 
 down to the planet ; and this conjecture seemed 
 
230 
 
 to me not so ver^^ absurd. The circumstance, 
 that the birds, on the disappearance of the flies, 
 wing their flight immediately back to the firma- 
 ment, puts the matter almost beyond a doubt ; and 
 that the like may really happen by a certain instinct, 
 is proved by the example of other birds, which at 
 appointed times, without doubt for the same reasons, 
 make their appearance in certain countries. Others 
 believe, that these birds are trained up and exer- 
 cised in such a manner, by the inhabitants of the 
 firmament, that they, like falcons and other birds of 
 the chase, may be dispatched to other countries 
 to fetch booty or prey. This opinion is grounded 
 upon the great caution and dexterity with which 
 they, after having performed the journey or voyage, 
 set down their booty or passengers upon the 
 ground. From other circumstances also, the 
 Subterraneans come to the conclusion, that the 
 birds must either be trained up by art, or they 
 must be endowed with reason. Towards the 
 time, for example, of their taking their departure, 
 they become so tame and fondling, that they 
 suffer nets and snares to be thrown over them, 
 under which they remain perfectly quiet and almost 
 immoveable for the space of several days. During 
 this time, the inhabitants feed them with the insects 
 whereof mention has lately been made, and of which 
 they take care to collect beforehand a large stock ; 
 
231 
 
 and so continue? to amuse and detain them with 
 this food, until every thing is ready for sending 
 the exiles away. The usual preparations made on 
 these occasions are the following : — A kind of 
 trough or oMong case is tied with rope fast to the 
 snares wherein the birds are fixed. One of these 
 cases is exactly large enough to contain a tree or 
 man. When the time is arrived for their departure, 
 and they find that they are supplied no longer with 
 insects, they soar aloft, and fly through the air to- 
 wards their home. In this manner was the wonder- 
 ful travelling equipage disposed, which I and other 
 prisoners were obliged to make use of in order to 
 arrive in the other world. 
 
 Besides myself, there were two burghers from 
 Polu^ sentenced to banishment for other crimes, to 
 be sent olf at the same time. One of these was a 
 metaphysician, who had transgressed the laws, in 
 disputing concerning the essence of the Supreme 
 Being, and the nature of ghosts. He had once, for 
 this audacity, made an atonement by undergoing 
 the punishment of phlebotomy; but as he was very 
 soon after found guilty of the same crime, he was 
 condemned to be banished to tlie firmament. The 
 other was a fanatic, who, by casting a doubt upon 
 the holiness of religion, and the obligatory power 
 of the civil law, seemed as if he were inclined and 
 
232 
 
 endeavouring to subvert both. He would not 
 conform to the public regulations, because all civil 
 obedience, as he said, v^^as repugnant to his con- 
 science. His friends strove, by all the means in 
 their power, to persuade him to lay aside his caprice, 
 representing to him how many errors chimerical 
 revelations are liable to; how often zeal, conscience, 
 and divine inspiration, are confounded with density 
 of blood and corrupt humours ; how absurd it is for 
 a person to appeal to his own inward conviction ; 
 and how unreasonable it is to wish to make one's 
 own feelings the guide for others in what they 
 ought to believe, as they might insist upon the same 
 right, and set conscience in opposition to conscience. 
 They proved to him, that no one who obstinately 
 maintained the principle that every one should 
 regulate himself according to his own caprice, 
 either could or ought to enjoy the prerogative of 
 a freeman, as it is the duty of every good citizen to 
 obey implicitly the laws of the country ; and such 
 obedience a fanatic, who, in all civil affairs, makes 
 his own feelings his only rule, neither will nor can 
 show. But as neither representations nor proofs 
 had any effect upon this fanatic, he, as an obstinate 
 and incurable madman, was sent into banishment. 
 Thus were there three of us destined to make the 
 same voyage; namely, a projector, a metaphysician, 
 and a fanatic. 
 
233 
 
 In the beginning of Birch-month we were taken out 
 of prison, and conducted each to his appointed place. 
 What became afterwards of my comrades I never 
 heard ; and I had enough to do to take care of myself, 
 without troubling my head about others. As soon as 
 I arrived at the place whence I was to take my de- 
 ])arture, I was immediately clapped into one of these 
 troughs or cases, with as much victuals as I should 
 require to keep life and soul together for the space of 
 some days. Very soon after, when the birds found 
 that nothing more was given them to eat, they quitted 
 the planet, in the manner already described, and 
 flew through the air with incredible velocity. It is 
 generally thought, in the subterranean regions, that 
 the distance between the planet Nazar and the 
 firmament, is as much as five or six hundred miles : 
 I cannot positively say how much time I spent on 
 the way; but it seemed to me, that my aerial 
 voyage lasted no longer than about four-and-twenty 
 hours. After a pretty long and tedious silence, 
 my ears were at length assailed by a conf^jsed kind 
 of noise, whence I concluded that I must be near 
 the land. I now remarked, that these birds were 
 undoubtedly trained up; for they set down the 
 case, wherein I was packed, upon the ground, with 
 so much care and so gently, that it did not receive 
 the slightest damage. There crowded immediately 
 around me an uncommon multitude of apes, which 
 
234 
 
 put me into not a little fear, as these animals, during 
 my stay upon the planet Nazar, were continually 
 my greatest torment. My surprise and amazement 
 were much increased, when I heard them conversing 
 together, and saw them advancing with measured 
 step, and clothes of many colours. From what I 
 perceived, I concluded that these apes must be the 
 inhabitants of that country ; but as nothing, after 
 being accustomed to so many incongruous and pre- 
 posterous things, ought any longer to appear to me 
 novel or extraordinary, I again cheered my spirits, 
 and especially when I beheld them approach and 
 take me, their new guest, out of the case, with all 
 the courteousness, civility, and politeness, that can 
 possibly be imagined. So great was the ceremony 
 on this occasion, that it could hardly, by any means, 
 be surpassed, on the reception of the grandest 
 ambassador extraordinary, or plenipotentiary, from 
 the most potent monarch in our world. They placed 
 themselves in a circle round me, and advanced one 
 after another, each accosting me with the two words 
 — Pul asser I When they had a great many times 
 repeated this welcome, I at length replied to their 
 salutations in the same manner ; at which they all 
 burst into a most immoderate fit of laughter, and 
 manifested, by their several ridiculous gestures, the 
 inward pleasure they experienced, on hearing me 
 pronounce tlieir own words. I perceived irame- 
 
235 
 
 d lately, that these inhabitants were fickle, giddy, 
 volatile, curious, inquisitive, and particularly loqua- 
 cious. When they spoke, it sounded as if they 
 beat on a drum, in so flippant and rapid a manner 
 did the words, at a single respiration, roll out one 
 over another. They were, in short, thoroughly the 
 opposite of the Potuites in dress, manners, language, 
 and shape of body. They appeared, at first, to be 
 much surprised at my form ; but that which par- 
 ticularly excited their wonder was, that I had no 
 tail; for as none among all tlie irrational animals 
 have so great a resemblance of mankind as apes, 
 they would certainly have taken me for one of their 
 species, had I been adorned with that posterior 
 decoration ; and the more so, as they remarked, 
 that all the inhabitants who had hitherto arrived 
 from Nazar, were so completely unlike them- 
 selves. 
 
 At the time that I arrived, it was everywhere 
 high water, in consequence of the proximity of the 
 planet Nazar ; for, in a manner similar to the ebb 
 and flood with us being attracted and ruled by the 
 motion of the moon, the ocean in the firmament 
 rises and falls in proportion to the planet's distance 
 from it. 
 
 Soon after mv arrival, I was conducted to a 
 
236 
 
 very magnificent house, the portico and hall of 
 which were adorned wMth marble, and the rooms 
 richly decorated with handsome looking-glasses, 
 costly vases, and splendid carpets. At the door 
 stood a sentinel, from which I concluded that the 
 occupier must be something above a common ape. 
 He was, as I afterwards learned, neither more nor 
 less than the burgomaster of the city. He was 
 extremely desirous of being able to converse with 
 me, and therefore engaged several masters imme- 
 diately to teach me the language. As I, at the ex- 
 piration of a quarter of a year, could speak it pretty 
 fluently, I hoped to acquire great esteem and ad- 
 miration in consequence of my uncommonly shining 
 abilities and excellent memory ; but my teachers 
 found me so stupid, and so dull of apprehension, 
 that they lost all patience, and frequently threatened 
 to leave me to myself. In the same way as 1, upon 
 the planet Nazar, in consequence of my bright and 
 fertile genius, was ironically called Skabba, or 
 the abortive, I, in this place, by reason of my very 
 dull and heavy capacity, got the appellation of 
 Kakidoran^ which signifies stupid and hebetated; 
 for those persons only are here esteemed, who can 
 penetrate into, and immediately comprehend, a 
 thing, and are capable of giving great loose to the 
 tongue. While I was studying the ape-language, 
 my landlord took me several times round in the 
 
237 
 
 city, whi^re I in every part obsen^ed much profusion, 
 splendor, and prodigality. ]t was with both danger 
 and difficulty that we got through the multiplicity 
 of waggons, coaches, lackeys, running-footmen, 
 and apes, that swarmed in all directions. But this 
 was nothing in comparison with the overflow and 
 superabundance that prevailed in the capital, where, 
 as a middle point, all the pomp and vanity which 
 mortals were capable of devising or inventing, 
 seemed to be concentrated. When I was com- 
 pletely master of the language, my landlord 
 brought me to that city ; as he hoped, through so 
 novel and extraordinary a present, to insinuate him- 
 self into favour with a certain great senator. The 
 government of that country is aristocratical ; the 
 State is governed by the great Council, and all the 
 senators are of the ancient nobility. They who 
 are of mean extraction, can never hope to obtain 
 any employment or post higher than that of head- 
 borough, city registrar, or recorder of a small town 
 or province. Now and then they push the matter 
 so far, as to get themselves appointed burgo- 
 masters ; but, in such cases, particularly dis- 
 tinguished worth and merit are indispensable re- 
 quisites. Through such means, my landlord had 
 obtained his mayoralty ; for he possessed so pro- 
 lific a brain, that in the space of one month, he 
 excogitated no less than eight-and-twenty projects ; 
 
23S 
 
 and although none of them were so contrived or 
 disposed, that the execution thereof could in tlie 
 smallest degree be of any benefit to the State, they 
 nevertheless furnished proofs of that fertility of 
 genius, by which he had raised himself to so great 
 a dignity ; since, in the whole subterranean world, 
 projectors are nowhere so highly esteemed as they 
 are here. 
 
 I'he capital of the republic is called Martinia^ 
 from which the whole country takes its name. The 
 situation of it is charming, the buildings magnificent ; 
 it enjoys a great deal of trade, and possesses an 
 admirable naval establishment. In point of size, 
 and the number of its inhabitants, it seemed, as far 
 as I was able to judge, to be in no wise inferior to 
 Paris, The crowd in the streets and lanes was 
 so great, that we were obliged to fight our way 
 through with our fists and sticks, in order to reach 
 that side of the city where the president dwelt, to 
 whom my landlord, the burgomaster, intended to 
 make a present of me. Having at length arrived 
 in the vicinity of that gentleman's house, my land- 
 lord went into an inn for the purpose of arranging 
 his dress, that he might appear before his Ex- 
 cellency arrayed in a propc^r and becoming man- 
 ner. There flocked immediately around him a 
 whole host of servants, who are called Maskatli, or 
 
239 
 
 decorators, whom every body is in the liabit of 
 employing previous to entering any of the senators* 
 palaces. These servants brush the clothes, take 
 out any stains there may be upon them, and, 
 with a wonderful dexterity, put everything imme- 
 diately, that is in the least wise deranged, even to 
 the folds of the coat, again into the most perfect 
 order. One of these Maskaiti ran directly to the 
 burgomaster, drew his sword from the scabbard, 
 and polished it very bright. Another busied him- 
 self at the same time with tying knots of ribbon of 
 various colours round his tail ; for nothing in the 
 world seems to be of so much importance to these 
 apes as the adorning of this part of their bodies. 
 There were senators, and especially the wives of 
 senators, who, on highdays and holidays, were not 
 able to adorn their tails for a less sum than a 
 thousand rix-dollars of our money. The third 
 Maskaiti had a pair of compasses, with which he 
 measured the clothes, in order to ascertain whether 
 every part possessed its due and proper symmetry. 
 The fourth attended with a bottle of kalydor, for the 
 improvement of the complexion. The fifth passed his 
 feet in review, and cut his corns in a very clever and 
 chiropedistical manner. The sixth brought scented 
 water, with which he besprinkled the burgomaster 
 from head to foot ; — and, in short, this one wiped 
 him with a towel, that put the curls of his hair 
 
240 
 
 into ol-der, while another lield a looking-glass before 
 him ; and all this took place with the same care, 
 exactness, and attention, that a geometrician in 
 Europe is accustomed to observe in measuring and 
 colouring his maps. Lord save us ! thought I to my- 
 self ; if so much care and pains be necessary for the 
 smoothing, fashioning, painting, and polishing the 
 gentlemen, what time and expense will there not 
 be applied in the ornamenting of the ladies ! And 
 certain it is, that the females of Martinia^ in this 
 respect, are not at all restrained within moderate 
 bounds; but they, on the contrary, by means of 
 so many paints and washes, endeavour to conceal 
 their bodily imperfections in such a way, that, on 
 approaching them, the nose is always compelled 
 to atone for the pleasure of the eyes. For when 
 the sweat and other cutaneous oozings get mingled 
 with the paints and scented waters, it may be com- 
 pared with the effect produced by a cook in mixing 
 many kinds of soup together ; — we know not of 
 what the medley smells, we only know that it smells 
 most noisomely offensive. 
 
 My landlord being polished, frizzled, painted, 
 and adorned, in the manner already described, 
 he took me, attended only by three seiTants, to the 
 president's palace. As soon as he entered the ante- 
 chamber, he pulled off his shoes, that he might not 
 
241 
 
 stain the marble floor. He was obliged to wait, 
 in this condition, a full hour before his arrival was 
 announced ; and even then he did not gain admit- 
 tance until he had made some few small acknow- 
 ledgments, whereby a person in this country is 
 necessitated to ingratiate himself with the servants. 
 The President was seated on an elevated, hand- 
 somely gilt chair. On beholding my landlord and 
 myself enter the room, he burst into an immoderate 
 fit of laughing, and then put to us so many silly and 
 frivolous questions, that the perspiration started 
 from my forehead in large drops. At every an- 
 swer — 
 
 Ay, even before the answer half was given, 
 
 He laugh'd as if his monkey-sides he would have riven. 
 
 I opined, since the State had elected such a fool 
 for its president, — or even vice-president, — of the 
 great council, that madness must here be looked 
 upon as merit, and this idea I communicated to my 
 landlord. But he assured me that this was a 
 man who was generally acknowledged to possess 
 very extraordinary and distinguished talents ; and 
 whose superior genius was manifest enough to 
 everybody, from the innumerable occupations, of 
 entirely different natures, which he, at so youthful an 
 age, was capable of managing. His comprehension 
 
 R 
 
242 
 
 was so extraordinavily quick, that he, whilst at 
 table with his glass in his hand, not only decided 
 the most important affairs, but also, during dinner 
 and supper, used to write a new ordinance between 
 every law or statute. I took the liberty of askings 
 how long such an ordinance usually continued 
 valid ? " In general," answered my landlord, " as 
 long as until the council thinks proper to repeal it.'' 
 
 When his Excellency had been babbling with 
 me for about half an hour, and had suffered his 
 tongue to run with the same glibness as we are ac- 
 customed to find in that of an European barber, he 
 turned to my landlord and said, that he would take 
 me as one of his servants, since he had perceived, 
 by my very slow conception, that I must have been 
 born 
 
 In Stupidity's land, where my tutors were asses, 
 And where dull apprehension for cleverness passes; 
 
 and that I was consequently disqualified for every 
 important employment. " I have also clearly 
 enough," said my landlord, '• perceived in him a 
 certain innate sluggishness ; but if he only have 
 time allowed to consider a little within himself, he 
 judges of a matter by no means so foolishly." 
 " Yes, but of what service is that?' answered the 
 
243 
 
 Prosidont ; " hero we want aciroit pf^oplo in oftlce, 
 as the multiplicity of business admits of no tardiness 
 or delay." When he had uttered these words, he 
 began attentively to examine my bodily strength, 
 and commanded me to lift a tolerably heavy weight 
 from the floor. As I did this without any particular 
 trouble, he said — " Nature, which has been so 
 sparing in regard to the faculties of your mind, has 
 compensated you in this manner, by granting you 
 corporeal power." I was then ordered to withdraw, 
 and remain a few minutes on the outside, where 
 I was received by the serv^ants with all possible 
 politeness ; but at the same time was wofully 
 imjwrtuned by their incessant chattering and ridi- 
 culous grimaces. They put so many questions to 
 me respecting our world, that I was at last com- 
 pletely at a loss what answer to make : and not- 
 withstanding I invented many things in my per- 
 plexity, still I could not satisfy their curiosity. At 
 length my landlord returned, and informed me that 
 it had pleased his Excellency to admit me among 
 his attendants. From the preliminary discourse of 
 the President, I was able in some measure to judge, 
 that the appointment I had obtained was not of 
 very great importance ; conjecturing, that it must 
 either be that of porter or major-domo ; but on 
 asking my landlord what the office really was, he 
 answered me — " His Excellency, as a particular 
 
 r2 
 
244 
 
 mark of favour, has ap|7ointed you his principal 
 chairman, witli a yearly salary of five-and-twenty 
 Stercolates, (a Stercolate in Martinia is equivalent 
 to about two rix-dollars,) and besides has promised, 
 that you shall not perform this service to any other 
 than himself and her Ladyship, his spouse." This 
 answer was a thunder-clap to me. I represented 
 to my landlord, in the most pathetic and forcible 
 manner, how unjust it was to appoint a free-born 
 being, descended from the human race, to such an 
 employment ; but the servants, who flocked around 
 me in troops, and were near killing me with their 
 extravagant congratulations, interrupted my dis- 
 course. As all Martbiians are giddy, trifling, and 
 talkative, they never think for an instant of what 
 they have uttered, and keep their tongues incessantly 
 running. I was at length conducted into a small 
 apartment, in which stood the supper ready served 
 up; and, after partaking of a moderate repast, I re- 
 tired to the chamber destined to be my lodging-room. 
 
 I got immediately into bed ; but, on account of 
 the commotion in my mind, I was not able once to 
 close my eyes. At the haughtiness with which 
 thise apes regarded me I grew almost frantic, and 
 it actually required a Spartan patience to put up 
 with this derision. I bemoaned my unhappy fate, 
 w'hich appeared now much harder than when on the 
 
245 
 
 j)lanet Nazar, saying to myself — *' If the great 
 Kadoki, Lord Chancellor in the principality of 
 Potti, were to come here, this most excellent and 
 worthy man, who requires a whole month to make 
 a decree, would hardly be taken any notice of. 
 And how would matters go with Palrnka in this 
 country, where the senators compose laws and 
 couch them in writing over the bottle?" After 
 serious reflection, I was convinced that I had quitted 
 the land of wise men, and was arrived in the abode 
 of fools. Wearied out with these considerations, I 
 fell at length into a profound sleep. How long I 
 enjoyed this repose, I am not able exactly to say, 
 as there is here no difference betwixt day and night. 
 It is never dark, excepting at a certain time, when 
 the planet Nazar comes between the firmament 
 and the subterranean sun, which is thereby eclipsed. 
 These obscurations are very remarkable, as the 
 planet Nazar ^ which in its orbit passes pretty near 
 the firmament, covers entirely with its shadow the 
 disc of the sun. In consequence of the continual 
 shining of this bright luminary, there is here no 
 change of seasons. The inhabitants have, therefore, 
 a variety of contrivances ; as, for exami)le, shady 
 groves, refreshing walks, and caves below the 
 ground, to shield them from the oppressive and 
 unpleasant heat. 
 
246 
 
 I was just awake, when an ape, who callc d him- 
 self my colleague, entered my room, having in his 
 hand some ribbon and a false tail, which he very 
 dexterously adjusted to my posteriors, to give me 
 as much as possible the appearance of the other 
 apes. He then told me to hold myself in readiness, 
 as the President, in the course of half an hour, was 
 to be carried to the Academy ; to which he, together 
 with all the other senators, was invited to a public 
 programma. It was a doctor's promotion, which 
 was appointed to take place at fourteen o'clock in 
 the forenoon. I must here remark, that although 
 there is no difference betwixt the days and nights, 
 the latter being always light, the former are never- 
 theless divided, with the help of clock-work or 
 sand-glasses, into certain hours, half hours, and 
 quarters, so that the day and night contain two-and- 
 twenty Martinian hours. If it should ever so hap- 
 pen, that all the clocks of the town at once stood 
 still, it would be impossible for the inhabitants to 
 know how the time went, until they got them again 
 regulated according to those of some other place ; 
 for sun-dials they have none, nor can they ever 
 have any, because, the sun being always in the 
 zenith, and the rays consequently falling perpen- 
 dicularly, there is no shadow ; and where there is 
 a well dug, it is light all over. The year is deter- 
 
247 
 
 mined accordinfj; to tlic course of the planet Nazar, 
 which goes round the sun in just one half of the 
 time that the firmament does. 
 
 At fourteen o'clock, we carried his Excellency 
 in a gilt sedan-chair to the Academy. On enter- 
 ing the auditory, we beheld several doctors and 
 magisters seated in methodical order. As his 
 Excellency passed, each rose from his seat and 
 turned his tail towards him. This is considered a 
 mark of respect ; and for this reason so much care 
 is taken to ornament their tails. These inverted 
 salutations naturally appeared to me very absurd 
 and ridiculous ; for the turning of the back upon a 
 ])erson, is a mark, with us, of indifference and con- 
 tempt: f)ut every country has its manners. The 
 afore-mentioned doctors and magisters were sitting 
 on both sides of the auditory ; and at the furthest 
 c^nd, directly facing the bar, was a pulpit, wherein 
 he who was to take his degree was standing. Pre- 
 vious to the act of promotion, a disputation was set 
 up, of the following title: — Physical Inaugural 
 Dissertation^ wherein the most important proposi- 
 tion — Whether the Humming and Buzzing Noise 
 of Flies and other Insects, be ?nade with their 
 Mouths or their Rumps? — was exposed to considera- 
 tion and demonstrated. The President had under- 
 taken to support the first opinion ; but his (ipponents 
 
248 
 
 disputed it with so much warmth, that it was feared 
 that this wrangling would at last terminate in a 
 sanguinary fray ; to which it certainly would have 
 come, had not the council risen, and with its au- 
 thority damped the out-breaking quarrel. During 
 the disputation, there was a continual playing upon 
 flutes. The musicians managed the course of the 
 debate, by sounding, in order to animate the dis- 
 putants, when they began to flag, hard and violent 
 notes ; and when their rage was getting to too high 
 a pitch, soft and enchanting tones were sent forth 
 from the instruments, by which it was immediately 
 appeased. Very frequently, however, such-like 
 means have no effect. For it is difficult to let 
 one's-self be directed when matters of imj)ortance 
 are treated on ; of which we have sufficient proofs in 
 our world, where the disquisition and demonstration 
 of intricate and complex propositions put the blood 
 into a no less state of ebullition. In the mean while, 
 this quarrel, which at one time assumed an ap- 
 pearance of murder and bloodshed, terminated with 
 mutual eulogies and congratulations, in the same 
 manner as inour Academies, where, according to an 
 anciently-allowed-of custom, the President always 
 quits the rostrum victoriously. 
 
 The disputation being ended, the act of promo- 
 tion took place with the following ceremonies : — The 
 
249 
 
 candidate was seated on the lloor in the centre of 
 the auditory, where three vergers, or officers of the 
 Academy, advanced with measured step, and threw 
 over him a pail of water ; they then perfumed him 
 with incense, and gave him a diuretic, an emetic, 
 and a cathartic. This they performed with all pos- 
 sible solemnity and reverence ; and then bowing 
 down their heads, they proclaimed him a worthy 
 and lawfully created doctor. As I was extremely 
 astonished at these strange and 'extraordinary 
 ceremonies, I turned to a learned ape, w^ho was 
 standing by my side, and asked him the significa- 
 tion of what I beheld. He pitied my gross igno- 
 rance, and said, that the water, incense, emetic, &c., 
 signified, that he should be cleansed from all the old 
 stains and impurities belonging to the commonalty, 
 before he entered on his new and exalted way of 
 life. On hearing this, I was much provoked at my 
 own stupidity, and, filled with admiration, I ventured 
 not to ask another question, in order that it might 
 not be observed that I had never till then been 
 among decent people. 
 
 The ceremony being now ended, an alarm was 
 sounded, of drums, fifes, and trumpets. The new 
 doctor left the auditory in a green gown, with a belt 
 round his body, and was followed home by the 
 whole learned troop : but as he was only of com- 
 
250 
 
 mon extraction, ho was not carried in a sedan, but 
 drawn in a cart, by two running-footmen dressed 
 in long kirtles, the wrong side before. The so- 
 lemnity terminated, as usual, with a sumptuous 
 banquet, at which all the guests got completely 
 drunk ; for they partook so freely of the bottle, 
 that the greatest part of them were carried home 
 in a state of intoxication, and were for some days 
 after obliged to take medicine in order to get them- 
 selves to rights again ; so that through the whole 
 drama there was nothing performed, from the be- 
 ginning to the end, but what was perfectly solemn ; 
 and I can affirm, that 1 have never witnessed a more 
 regular academical promotion, or seen a candidate 
 admitted to a doctor's degree in a more lawful 
 manner, in our world. 
 
 In their courts of justice they decide matters with 
 wonderful celerity ; so that I really could not suffi- 
 ciently admire the easy and quick comprehension 
 which is peculiar to this people. Very often the 
 judges rise long before the advocates have done 
 speaking, and come to a decision so quickly, and 
 with so much elegance of language and graceful- 
 ness of manner, that it is quite a pleasure to hear 
 and behold them. I used frequently to attend these 
 courts, in order to acquire a knowledge of the 
 Martinian mode of legal procedure. In the be- 
 
251 
 
 ginning, llu; verdicts appeared to me always 
 just and grounded on natural equity ; but on closer 
 consideration, 1 found thenn so unjust, foolish, and 
 contradictory, that I would much rather let the 
 issue of a cause depend on the cast of a die, than 
 leave it to the decision of the judges of Martinia. 
 Respecting the laws I can say nothing, on account 
 of the mutability to which they are subject; for 
 both the law and equity of the country are here 
 yearly altered, in the same manner as old fashions 
 are abolished and new ones introduced, so that 
 many are punished for actions which were not pro- 
 hibited when they committed them. For this reason, 
 appeals are made from the lower to the higher 
 courts, as it is hoped, that during the course of the 
 process the law applicable to their case may be 
 repealed. This fault arises from the too hasty 
 manner in which these laws are drawn up. Add 
 to this, that this nation has so great a relish for 
 everything which is novel, that it is disgusted even 
 with the most beneficial laws and regulations, as 
 soon as they become old. I observed the same 
 fickleness in regard to their dress and ornaments. 
 
 The advocates are here very highly esteemed 
 for their subtle manner of disputing. There are 
 some, who know how to manage matters so 
 
252 
 
 well, and to extricate their clients from the greatest 
 difficulties, that they never undertake any other 
 than doubtful and unjust causes, in order to prove 
 their address, and to show how ingeniously they 
 can change black into white. The judges are glad 
 to see an unjust cause defended with subtilty and 
 acuteness ; and provided the process be only con- 
 ducted with every formality, they are perfectly 
 satisfied. On such occasions, they are accustomed 
 to say — " We see and know that the cause is 
 unjust, but since it is defended with so much skill 
 and legal ingenuity, we cannot omit, in considera- 
 tion of the barrister's assiduity and diligence, to 
 swerve a little from the rule of justice." 
 
 The doctors of laws give instructions in their 
 science at different prices, according to the nature 
 of the case. Those, for example, who teach how 
 to [)lead and gain unjust causes, receive twenty 
 stercolates ; and those, on the contrary, who teach 
 the pleading of just causes, take only ten. The 
 formalities of the law are so many and so tediously 
 prolix, that a person, through the prodigious num- 
 ber of laws and ordinances, accumulated one upon 
 another, can never come to the bottom of this 
 science ; for in consequence of the extraordinary 
 acuteness, quickness of apprehension, and penetra- 
 
253 
 
 tion, of the Marfiniaiis, thoy nauseate everything 
 that is simple and perspicuous, and have only a relish 
 for that which is subtle, intricate, and confused. 
 
 The same holds good in respect to their religion, 
 which is by no means practical, but merely specu- 
 lative. Thus have they two hundred and thirty 
 different opinions as to what form is to be as- 
 cribed to the Almighty ; and three hundred and 
 ninety-six regarding the nature and properties of 
 the soul. The Marliiiians never go to church, or 
 into any theological college, for the purpose of 
 hearing anything instructive or edifying, or to learn 
 how to live and end their days correctly ; but 
 merely to hear with what ability and acuteness of 
 judgment the religious orators express themselves. 
 The more unintelligible the compositions are, the 
 more are they eulogized ; for the Martinians listen 
 to no discourse with pleasure, unless it be incom- 
 prehensible. 
 
 They concern themselves not so much about 
 Ihe subject, as about the words; and their orators 
 aim more at the use of elegant phrases and inven- 
 tive and elaborate turns, than at well-grounded 
 ratiocination and well-perpended proofs : striving, 
 merely by harmonious periods, to tickle the ear, and 
 gain the approbation and attention, of the audience. 
 
254 
 
 1 therefore ventured not to mention a syllable here 
 regarding the Christian religion ; the doctrines of 
 which are distinguished by evident simplicity, and 
 plain and unembellished truth. 
 
 The repute in which projectors stand in this 
 place, suii)asses all description ; and the more 
 preposterous and impracticable a proposal is, the 
 surer it is of meeting with general approbation. 
 As I was once talking with a certain ape concerning 
 the nature and propeities of the earth, and told him 
 that its surface was inhabited, the idea immediately 
 struck him to dig through the shell of it, and pave a 
 way to the super-terrestrial people. He delivered 
 in his proposal, which was everywhere approved of, 
 and shortly after a Supra-terraneous Trading 
 Company was established, to which the inhabitants 
 flocked in great numbers, and contended with each 
 other in buying up the shares. But as everj^thing, 
 through this commotion, got into disorder and con- 
 fusion, and several families, by holding these shares, 
 were reduced to the utmost want, it was at length 
 seen, that the project was absurd, and the under- 
 taking was consequently abandoned. Notwith- 
 standing the injury and loss which this plan had 
 brought upon the country, the projector not only 
 received no punishment, but, on the contrary, on 
 account of his greatness and confidence in himself. 
 
25i 
 
 was cvorywiicn* hiadeil with praise ; lor the Mor- 
 Ihrians are accustomed to say on such occasions — 
 
 If the result has turned out sad, 
 The idea was still not bad. 
 
 As I had thoroughly studied the character of this 
 nation, I was bent upon profiting by its weakness, 
 in order to bring myself into notice in the country, 
 that I might in some way or other better my con- 
 dition. On examining the constitution of the 
 State, I discovered in it several errors and defects : 
 I found, in particular, that they had too many artists, 
 and too few craftsmen. I therefore handed in a 
 proposition for establishing more mechanics for 
 the public benefit. But all proposals of that nature 
 only excited laughter and contempt among this 
 vain, frivolous, and haughty people, who found 
 pleasure only in trifles and toys. 
 
 I was much offended at my own stupidity, and 
 thought to myself. Thou art indeed an arcli-block- 
 hcad, and deservest to remain a sedan-chair- 
 horse until the day of thy death ! 1, however, never 
 suffered my courage to sink ; and as I perceived 
 that I effected nothing by beneficial projects, 1 (\v- 
 termined on trying whether, by means of an ab- 
 surd and useless invention, I might not be enabled 
 to make my fortune. 1 made known my design to 
 
25G 
 
 a very discreet and judicious ape, who encouraged 
 me with these words — 
 
 A thing recommended, whicli the neck may endanger, 
 But racks not the brains, then it surely Mill take ; 
 The more it's absurd, take my word, as a stranger. 
 That by it your fortune you surely will make. 
 
 He cited examples of many, who, by mere gew- 
 gaws and children's playthings, — especially by 
 introducing new fashions, — had got into great 
 favour with the nation. I therefore immediately 
 resolved on being mad with the mad ; and for this 
 purpose?, with careful and attentive examination, I 
 passed in review all the useless contrivances and 
 preposterous inventions which I recollected in 
 Europe. After mature consideration, my choice 
 fell upon those ornaments for the head which we 
 call Perriwigs. I perceived that the country 
 abounded in goats, of the hair of which 1 con- 
 ceived it possible to make these wisdom-holding 
 coifs ; and as my step-father, of blessed memor}', 
 had followed this profession, I w^as able, in a case 
 of necessity, to work in a bungling manner a little 
 at the business. I then set about and made a wig 
 of goat's hair, that fitted myself, and in this orna- 
 ment I appeared before his Excellency the Presi- 
 dent. He was much surprised at this novel and 
 uncommon sight, asked me what it meant, took it 
 
257 
 
 off my head, put it on his own, and ran straight to 
 the looking-glass to see how it became him. He 
 was so highly delighted at seeing himself with this 
 attire on his head, that he exclaimed in eectasy : — 
 '' Divine I A perfect image of the gods ! " and 
 sent for her Ladyship, his wife, to participate in his 
 joy. She, who was not less glad on this occasion 
 than himself, embraced and kissed him, and assured 
 him that she had never in her life seen him look 
 half so handsome ; in which opinion all the inmates 
 and domestics of course agreed. His Excellency then 
 turning to me, exclaimed : — " O Kakidoran ! if this 
 invention of yours only please the Senate as much 
 as it pleases me, you may fully rely upon receiving 
 an honourable reward from the State." I most 
 humbly thanked his Excellency, and delivered to 
 him soon after, a petition, which I entreated him to 
 lay before the Senate, wherein I expatiated on the 
 excellence of my invention in the following style : — 
 
 *' To their Excellencies, the most high-born and 
 illustrious, right honourable, right noble, dis- 
 cerning, discriminating, very judicious, and 
 most learned Senators ; — 
 
 " The natural inclination which I have always 
 felt of proving myself of service to the State, and 
 of effecting something for the general advantage, 
 
 s 
 
258 
 
 has prompted me to invent and fabricate a new, 
 and hitherto entirely unknown, cover for the head, 
 which I herewith most humbly present, and sub- 
 mit to the inspection, examination, and judgment, 
 of your most illustrious, enlightened, and right 
 honourable Selves, in Council assembled ; not doubt- 
 ing that the same will be graciously received — 
 especially as the invention aims at the ornament, 
 honour, and glory, of the nation, and will prove to 
 the whole world, that as much as the renowned 
 Martinians are distinguished among all the nations 
 in the universe for their superior virtues and facul- 
 ties of the mind, just as much do they surpass all 
 others in dress and exterior ornaments, which give 
 to the person both dignity and grandeur. I affirm 
 solemnly, that in no respect have I in view either 
 profit or emolument, and therefore desire not the 
 smallest reward for my labour ; being perfectly 
 satisfied with having, to the best of my abilities, 
 contributed to the public benefit and the honour of 
 the State. If, however, the illustrious and very 
 judicious Council should, in its wisdom, find that my 
 feeble efforts are deserving of reward, I shall with 
 gratitude and joy accept of a favour, which will 
 show the world at large its distinguished liberalit}^ 
 and will encourage others to strive at similar or 
 finer inventions of art. Solely from that considera- 
 tion, I will not oppose the gratuity and beneficence 
 
259 
 
 of the illustrious and very judicious Council, and of 
 the generous people of Martinia. Recommending 
 myself to the favour and benevolence of the most 
 enlightened and illustrious Senators, 
 *' I remain, 
 With the most profound reverence, 
 " The right honourable and right noble Council's 
 most humble and most obedient Servant, 
 
 " Kakidoran." 
 
 " Martinia, the Itk of the Month of Astral.'*'' 
 
 His Excellency the President took this petition, 
 together with the wig, to the Senate with him. I 
 was informed, that all other business intended for 
 that day was postponed, so very busy was the 
 Council in examining this new invention. When 
 the motion was made for a division, they almost 
 simultaneously and unanimously bestowed great 
 encomiums on the invention, declared the work to be 
 a master-piece, and adjudged a reward to the 
 modest and disinterested artist. In the whole 
 Council there were only three Senators who opposed 
 it ; but they fell, in consequence, into ill repute, 
 and were condemned as ignorant, void of taste, 
 and useless members. 
 
 As soon as the resolution was passed, I was called 
 up into the Council-chamber. On my entering, 
 
 s2 
 
260 
 
 an old ape rose from his seat, and after having 
 thanked me in the name of the whole republic, and 
 announced to me that my work should be rewarded 
 according to its merits, asked me how much time 
 I required for making such an ornament for the 
 head ? I answered him, that I considered myself 
 amply and sufficiently rewarded, in finding that 
 my invention and workmanship had met with the 
 approbation of so great a personage as himself, and 
 that of the whole Senate ; and that I would engage 
 to make, in the course of two days, another periwig 
 like that ; and further, that if they would allow 
 me the help of some apes who were accustomed 
 to handiwork, I would, within a month, furnish 
 periwigs to the whole city. 
 
 But the President, on hearing this, became very 
 red, and exclaimed with much vehemence — " God 
 forbid, my dear Kakidoran, that this ornament 
 should be in general use in the whole city, and, in 
 consequence of being worn by every one, without 
 distinction, should become common! It is neces- 
 sary that the nobility possess something by which 
 they may be distinguished from the commonalty." 
 All the most eminent and respectable members 
 concurred with him in opinion, and the superinten- 
 dent of police was charged to look to the observance 
 of this resolution of the Senate, that the nobility, by 
 
261 
 
 too general a use of periwigs, might not lose anj^- 
 thing in their privileges, nor so excellent an orna- 
 ment be polluted by the common people. But 
 this interdiction had the same effect as all orders 
 that are issued in regard to difference of rank and 
 extravagance are v^ont to have, — the commonalty 
 was so much the more eager to infringe it. As 
 everybody was highly delighted with this orna- 
 ment, the opulent citizens, partly through the 
 influence of their friends, and partly by means of 
 money, obtained titles or patents of nobility ; so that 
 within a short period half of the town was ennobled. 
 As applications from tlie provinces poured in after- 
 wards so quickly one upon another, the Council at 
 length thought it the most advisable to repeal this 
 interdiction, and allow every one, without distinc- 
 tion, to wear a periwig. I had, therefore, the 
 pleasing satisfaction of seeing the whole of the Mar- 
 tinian nation beicigged before I left the country. 
 And verily a person can hardly imagine to himself 
 what a droll and ludicrous sight it was to see 
 these apes with periwigs on their heads I The 
 whole nation made so much of this invention, tliat 
 a new chronology was in consequence introdutt'd ; 
 and from that time, according to the Martin ian 
 annals, begins the j4ge of Periwigs. 
 
 With regard to myself, I was loaded with eulogies 
 
262 
 
 and panegyrics, covered with a purple robe, and 
 borne from the Senate-house in the President's 
 sedan-chair ; so that the same chairman, who had 
 so lately been my comrade, was now obliged to be 
 my horse. From that day forward I dined con- 
 stantly at his Excellency's own table. After this 
 glittering prelude to my fortune, I commenced the 
 work which I had promised, and made, with the 
 help of the fellow-workmen whom they sent to me, 
 within a short time, as many periwigs as were 
 required for the whole Senate ; who, after the lapse 
 of a month, during which time I was in a continual 
 stew, caused to be delivered to me a patent of 
 nobility of the following tenour : — 
 
 " In consideration of the very excellent invention, 
 which is likely to prove highly beneficial to the 
 State, and with which Kakidoran, born in the 
 town of Europe, has obliged the Martinian nation, 
 we have resolved to raise him to the rank of no- 
 bility ; so that he, and his posterity for ever, shall be 
 looked upon as true and lawful noblemen, and enjoy 
 all the prerogatives, privileges, and rights, which the 
 nobility of Martinia is in possession of. Further, 
 we have resolved to honour him with a new name ; 
 so that he, from this day, shall no longer be called 
 Kakidoran, but Kakidorian. Moreover, as his 
 new dignity will occasion a more expensive way of 
 
263 
 
 life, we give and grant unto him a yearly pension 
 of two hundred patares, to support his rank in a 
 manner suitable to, and becoming, the character of 
 a Martinian nobleman. — Given and passed at the 
 Senate-house in J/flrr/iW2«, the fourth day of the month 
 of Mericm, under the Great Seal of the Council." 
 
 Thus, from a miserable chairman, I became 
 suddenly metamorphosed into a celebrated noble- 
 man, and lived a long time in splendour and honour. 
 As it soon got wind that I was in particular favour 
 with the President, every one was courting my good- 
 will and protection. The gross flattery and fulsome 
 adulation of these people went so far, that they 
 made odes and hymns about me by scores, wherein 
 they ascribed virtues to me of which I had not 
 the most distant idea. Many, although they knew 
 well enough that I was born in a world entirely 
 unknown to them, were not scrupulous at making 
 my genealogical table, and tracing my family back 
 through numerous generations, even up to the 
 earliest times mentioned in fable. But this I did 
 not particularly relish ; for I do not consider it 
 altogether so very honourable to be descended 
 from apes. And further, as it was the fashion 
 among the Martinicms to cry up the tails of quality, 
 well nigh in the same manner as the poets with us 
 extol the beauty of the females, several of the 
 
264 
 
 rhymers, in order to ingratiate themselves with me, 
 celebrated the extraordinary beauty of my tail, not- 
 withstanding I had none. To sum up in a few 
 words : their creeping, cringing, and fawning, were 
 carried to such an extremity, that a certain man of 
 tolerably high rank, whose name, out of respect to 
 his family, I shall forbear to mention, was not 
 ashamed to offer me his wife to enjoy in every way 
 I pleased, on condition that I, as a remuneration, 
 should recommend him to the notice of his Excel- 
 lency the President. 
 
 This vile creeping and dissembling, to which the 
 whole of the nation is addicted, render it quite 
 impossible for any one to endure to read the Mar- 
 tinian annals ; since they contain scarcely anything 
 else than pitiful and fulsome adulations and pane- 
 g}Tics, notwithstanding they are written in a style 
 that is terse and elegant. On this account, the 
 country produces much better poets than historians. 
 It is quite certain, and a thing admitted, that there 
 is no place in the world that abounds in so many 
 sublime poets as this, which is attributable to the 
 uncommonly strong imaginative faculty of the Mar- 
 tinians. 
 
 I enjoyed here, for the most part, very good 
 health, although the heat, by reason of the continual 
 
265 
 
 presence of the sun, was rather oppressive. 1 lay 
 once sick of a burning fever, which was, however, 
 but of short duration ; and I must acknowledge, 
 that the doctor who visited nie was much more 
 intolerable than the disease itself, in consequence of 
 the incessant loquacity which is peculiar to this 
 people. The first time that he paid me a visit, I 
 was not able to refrain from laughing ; and seeing 
 that it was the same person who had lately taken 
 off my beard, I asked him how it came to pass 
 that he was so quickly metamorphosed from a 
 shaver into a Doctor MediciiicB ? He answered me, 
 that he lived by both these professions. On hear- 
 ing that, I was somewhat scrupulous about trust- 
 ing my life in such a poly-histor's hands, and told 
 him that I would rather have a doctor who devoted 
 himself entirely to the science of physic ; but he 
 assured me, positively, that such a person was 
 not to be found in the whole city. I saw myself 
 therefore necessitated to take him. The extraordi- 
 nary hurry in which he appeared to be, excited ray 
 astonishment in no small degree ; for no sooner 
 had h(^ prescribed a draught for me, than he went 
 away, saying that, on account of other avocations, 
 he had not time to stay any longer with me. I 
 asked him what other occupations he had, which 
 were so pressing? He replied, that at that 
 hour he must go and perform his ordinary occupa- 
 
266 
 
 tion in an inferior Court of Justice, to which he 
 was clerk. This custom of having so many irons 
 in the fire was, as I observed, ever}^where common 
 throughout the country, where no one is back- 
 ward in undertaking various employments of 
 an entirely opposite nature. This self-confidence 
 is grounded upon that quickness of intellect which 
 enables them to execute ever}^tliing with such won- 
 derful celerity. But, from the many errors and 
 bhmders which were here daily committed, I was 
 fully convinced that these bright geniuses are of 
 more ornament than benefit to a State. 
 
 When I had resided in the country for the space 
 of about two years — in the beginning as Chairman^ 
 and afterwards as a Noblema7i — an entirely unex- 
 pected event occurred, which had nearly given me 
 the finishing stroke. I had hitherto stood particu- 
 larly high in favour in his Excellency's house ; and 
 especially her Ladyship, the President's wife, had 
 always shown me so much kindness, that I seemed 
 to be the first among all her favourites. She had 
 often deigned to speak with me in secret : and 
 although she appeared to find extraordinary pleasure 
 in my company, she nevertheless observed so much 
 caution, reserve, and modesty in her discourse, that 
 I could do no other than look upon tlie favours which 
 she showed me in the most innocent light ; not 
 
267 
 
 entertaining the least suspicion that the source of 
 all this civility and politeness was an indecent and 
 highly unbecoming propensity — especially in a lady 
 who was distinguished among the female apes as 
 much for her virtues as for her noble descent. But 
 after some time had elapsed, an ambiguity in her 
 words caused me to entertain a very different 
 opinion ; particularly when I remarked, 
 
 That sometimes, when with sweet and pleasing smile, 
 Whose brightness would by tears become obscured, 
 She gazed at me in silence ; and the while 
 I saw the anguish that her soul endured, 
 And mark'd the palpitations of her breast, 
 Which, pregnant with disquiet, beat so high. 
 And which with troubles seemM to be oppressed, 
 Seeking relief in many a bitter sigh. 
 And sometimes would, upon her beauteous face, 
 In sweet suffusion, hang the morning-red ; 
 The lily's paleness then away would chase 
 The rosy hue, that on her cheek was spread : 
 And she, while struggling with an overwhelming pain, 
 By turns grew red, then pale, then red, then pale again. 
 
 All that I had conjectured, became at length, on 
 receiving the following note, brought by a waiting- 
 woman, a perfect certainty : — 
 
 " Most beloved Kakidorian ! 
 " The consciousness of what I owe to my rank 
 
268 
 
 and exalted birth, and the bashfulness that is 
 natural to my sex, have hitherto prevented the 
 sparks of love, which have smouldered in my bosom, 
 from bursting forth into an open flame. But I 
 am faint and weary with struggling, and my heart 
 can no longer withstand the fascinating enemy. 
 Have compassion on a female, from whom only 
 the highest degree of ardent love could have 
 extorted this confession. 
 
 *«Ptarnusa." 
 
 I am not able to describe how wondrously I 
 kept myself within bounds, on the occasion of this 
 unexpected declaration of love. But as I con- 
 sidered it better to expose myself to the revenge of a 
 furious and disappointed lady, than to commit a sin 
 which was repugnant to nature, by a shameful 
 commerce with a being that was not of the same 
 species as myself, I immediately wrote an answer, 
 which, as near as I can recollect, was of the follow- 
 ing tenour : — 
 
 " Most gracious Lady ! 
 " The constant good will which his Excellency 
 your husband has shown towards me ; the benefits 
 w^hichhe, without my meriting them, has bestowed 
 upon me ; the moral impossibility of complying 
 with your gracious request ; and innumerable 
 
269 
 
 other ^reasons, which 1 shall not name; have 
 induced me to expose myself to the wrath and dis- 
 pleasure of your Ladyship, rather than consent to an 
 action which would stigmatize me as the most 
 ungrateful and the basest of all the biped race. 
 Besides, that wiiich is desired of me, is worse to 
 me than death ; and the affair, were I to yield to it, 
 would redound to the dishonour and disgrace of one 
 of the most illustrious families in the State ; and 
 my compliance would injure that person who 
 requested it, far more than any other. I must here 
 declare, most gracious Lady, with the most solemn 
 assurance, that although I can by no means, in that 
 respect, comply with your Ladyship's desires, I 
 nevertheless promise, to all other of your Ladyship's 
 commands, the most implicit obedience. 
 
 " Kakidorian." 
 
 At the foot of the letter I wrote the following 
 admonitory lines : — 
 
 P. S. Consider the sin you're committing! 
 Fly from it, and yield no compliance! 
 In a wife it is always befitting 
 To set Cupid's wiles at defiance. 
 If you in his snares he should capture, 
 The bonds then of duty he'd sever ; 
 Though pleasures of sin might enrapture, 
 You'd rue them for ever and ever! 
 
270 
 
 This answer I sealed up with my own seal, and 
 gave it to the waiting- woman, who carried it imme- 
 diately to her mistress. It produced the effect which 
 I had conjectured: her love was changed to the 
 most deadly and insatiate hatred — 
 
 In vain, her otherwise fascinating tongue 
 
 Strove hard to pour forth torrents of reproach ; 
 
 But on the lips shame stifled ev'ry word. 
 
 No tears would start; for poignant grief repressed them : 
 
 While from each eye, with wild, terrific glare, 
 
 Revenge ferociously would flash ; and she 
 
 Her inward rage would like a demon show. 
 
 She, however, deferred the execution of her re- 
 venge, until she had obtained possession of the billet- 
 doux which she had written to me. As soon as she 
 had got hold of it, she suborned several persons to 
 attest on oath, that I, during his Excellency's 
 absence, had attempted to commit a rape upon her. 
 This story was embellished and represented with 
 so much art and plausibility, that the President 
 entertained no doubt regarding the truth of it, and 
 gave orders that I should be immediately put into 
 prison. In this desperate condition, I saw no other 
 means of saving myself, than by owning the alleged 
 crime, and imploring the President's mercy ; by 
 which I hoped to appease his wrath, or at least get 
 the punishment mitigated ; for the involving myst^lf 
 
271 
 
 in a legal process with one of the first and most 
 powerful families, especially in a country where the 
 merits of an affair are not so much regarded as the 
 rank of the parties, I conceived would be worse 
 than madness. I therefore made no defence, nor 
 did I seek to justify or exculpate myself; but sup- 
 plicated, wept, and implored, not that the punish- 
 ment should be entirely remitted, but that the 
 rigour of the law should be relaxed — that a mitiga- 
 tion might ensue. 
 
 Thus, by owning myself guilty of a crime of which 
 I had never even dreamt, my life was spared, and 
 I was condemned to perpetual imprisonment. 1 
 was immediately deprived of my patent of nobility, 
 which was torn in pieces by the hangman, and I was 
 dragged away and sent as a slave on board of a 
 galley. It was one of those vessels belonging to 
 the republic which then lay ready for sailing to 
 Mezejidores, or the Regioiis of Prodigies ; whither 
 the voyage is usually undertaken at a certain time 
 of the year, namely in the month of Radir. Such 
 commodities as Martinia itself does not produce, are 
 fetched from these countries, which are, as it were, 
 the Indies of the Martinians. The Mezendorian 
 Company is composed of merchants, some of whom 
 are nobles, and others burghers, who, on the arrival 
 of any of their ships, divide the cargoes among 
 
272 
 
 themselves, in proportion to the number of shares 
 that each may hold. The vessels are propelled, 
 partly by the wind, and partly by the means of 
 oars, to each of which a slave is chained : and I was 
 one of these unfortunate beings. A person will 
 easily imagine to himself what my feelings must 
 have been, at seeing myself compelled to tug, and 
 to submit to the floggings experienced by a galley- 
 slave ; and particularly when I had committed no 
 crime for which I deserved to be phici'd among 
 malefactors. 
 
 The Martinicnis pronounced, according to the 
 diversity of their ideas, different judgments on 
 this adventure. Some were of opinion that I 
 deserved my punishment ; but when they saw me 
 undergoing it, they then had compassion upon me. 
 Others thought that my former services ought to 
 have been taken into consideration, and that my 
 punishment, in consequence, should have been 
 remitted ; or at least much mitigated. The most 
 upright and honest among the apes muttered and 
 whispered to each other, that I was falsely accused ; 
 but no one dared to interest himself in my behalf, 
 for fear of my powerful adversaries : so I resolved 
 on bearing my hard fate with patience. The 
 greatest consolation which I now experienced in 
 my wretchedness, was the contemplation of the 
 
273 
 
 approaching voyage, upon which I hoped always to 
 find new food to my insatiate curiosity, notwith- 
 standing I did not give credit to all that the saiiors 
 related concerning those wonderful things which I 
 should have an opportunity of seeing ; nor could be 
 persuaded to believe, that there was in nature such 
 an immense variety of great prodigies, as must 
 necessarily be the case, according to the descrip- 
 t.o„ given of them. We had several interpreters 
 on board, whom the Mezendorian Company employs 
 on these voyages to negociate in the purchase and 
 sale of their merchandize. 
 
274 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 VOYAGE TO THE REGIONS OF PRODIGIES. 
 
 Before I proceed to give a description of the 
 voyage, I must first beg of all severe and merciless 
 critics, not to v^rinkle their brows too much and 
 look sour at a relation of things, which may seem 
 repugnant to nature, and to surpass even the most 
 credulous man's power of belief; — for 
 
 My book with empty names I shall not fill ; 
 
 No spangle-wit, no turgid style, I'll use ; 
 
 I'll use simplicity,— aye, that I will ! 
 
 For information, friends, not to amuse 
 
 I write, and therefore all is stamp' d with truth ; 
 
 Have mercy, then — have tenderness — have ruth ! 
 
 The things which I am now about to relate, are 
 certainly incredible, but nevertheless true ; for 
 
270 
 
 I beheld them all with my own eyes. Raw and 
 ignorant ninnyhammers, who have^never set foot out 
 of the town or village wherein they were born, will, 
 perhaps, look upon all this as fabulous, they never 
 having either heard or seen the like since the day 
 of their birth ; but the learned world, and especially 
 those persons who possess some knowledge of 
 natural history, and have learnt from experience 
 how fruitful nature is in variety, will pronounce a 
 widely different and more reasonable judgment 
 upon those extraordinary things which are about to 
 be related to them. 
 
 In times of yore, there were men found in Scythia, 
 the so denominated Arimaspi, who had but one eye, 
 which was placed in the middle of the forehead. 
 Others in the same region had their feet turned the 
 WTong end first. In Albania there were men born, 
 who from their childhood had grey hair. The 
 ancient Saiiroinati ate only every third day, and 
 fasted the other two. In Africa there were found 
 certain families, who possessed the power of be- 
 witching people with their talk. It is a well- 
 known matter of fact, that there were in Ilb/ria 
 certain persons who had two eye-balls in each eye, 
 who killed people simply by staring long at them 
 wiien they were angr}^ Upon the mountains of 
 
 t2 
 
276 
 
 Hindosian whole nations have been met with, who 
 had the heads of dogs, and who barked ; and others 
 who had eyes behind. In the most remote parts of 
 India, it has also been discovered, that the bodies 
 of the inhabitants are of lead, and are feathered 
 after the same manner as birds ; who eat no victuals, 
 but subsist entirely upon the fragrance arising from 
 flowers. Who could have believed this, and even 
 more, \^ Pliny, one of the most serious writers, had 
 not solemnly aflirnied that he had neither heard nor 
 read the least particle about it, but had beheld it 
 himself with his own eyes ? Yes ! who could have 
 believed that the earth was hollow, and that within 
 its shell there were both sun and moon, if my own 
 experience had not discovered this secret ? Who 
 would have thought it possible, that there existed 
 a globe, which was inhabited by rational and walk- 
 ing trees, if the same experience had not placed the 
 matter beyond all doubt? I will, however, not 
 quarrel with any one for his incredulity in this 
 respect ; for I must acknowledge, that 1 myself, 
 before I made this journey, entertained a kind of 
 suspicion that it was nothing else than stories and 
 nursery -tales related by masters of ships. 
 
 In the beginning of the month of Radir we em- 
 barked, weighed anchor, and 
 
277 
 
 The wind then fill'd tli' extended sails, 
 
 Supported hy tlie bending masts, 
 
 And through tlie deep, with pleasant gales, 
 
 Our vessel like an arrow hastes : 
 
 And while the briny flood her pitchy sides did lave, 
 
 She rose and bounded cheerily o^'er ev'ry mountain-wave. 
 
 The breeze continued favourable for three days, 
 during which time we poor rowers had reason to 
 rejoice, for not an oar was required ; but on the 
 fourth day we had a perfect calm : 
 
 The sails were furl'd, and all the oars were plied 
 To force our vessel through the sluggish tide. 
 
 As the Captain perceived that this labour was 
 extremely painful to me, he was kind enough to 
 allow me now and then to rest, and released me at 
 length altogether from this semtude. I am igno- 
 rant of the reason that induced him to show me 
 so much kindness, unless it was that he thought 
 me innocent, or because he deemed the inventor 
 of the majestic 2^eriwig worthy of a better fate. 
 He had himself taken three of these wigs with 
 him, and I was employed to frizzle and keep 
 them in order; so that from a galley-slave I was 
 suddenly metamorphosed into a hair-dresser. His 
 g(X)tl -nature went so far, that whenever we arrived 
 in a harbour, he always allowed me to be one to go 
 
278 
 
 on shore, by which I had abundance of opportu- 
 nities for satisfying my curiosity. 
 
 For a length of time we met with nothing that 
 was worthy of remark ; but as soon as we had lost 
 sight of land, 
 
 New forms rose up from out the boundless deep. 
 
 These were mermaids^ which, when the weatlier 
 was calm and the sea still, came swimming round 
 the ship to ask charity : 
 
 They'd human mouths and noses, 
 They'd chins, and ears, and eyes, 
 They'd breasts and lips like roses 
 Before the flower dies ; 
 TheyM ev'ry charming feature, 
 Which beauteous maids possess ; 
 Each seem'd a lovely creature, 
 Whom man might well caress. 
 But no ; they'd tails of fishes. 
 And cover' d with hard scales. 
 Repugnant to man's wishes, 
 And black, too, as are whales. 
 
 Their language had so much affinity with the 
 Martinian, that even several of the sailors were 
 able to converse with them without an interpreter. 
 One of them asked me for a piece of meat ; and 
 when I gave it to her, she looked attentively at me 
 
279 
 
 and exclaimed, " A mighty hero and a ruler you'll 
 become !" 
 
 I laughed at this prediction, as at empty flattery, 
 notwithstanding the sailors swore that the pro- 
 phecies of the mermaids were seldom erroneous. 
 After a voyage of eight days, we at length descried 
 a country which the ship's crew called Picardania. 
 Here we put into harbour ; when immediately a 
 magpie came flying towards us, whom I learnt to 
 be the Inspector-general of the Customs, and a very 
 considerable personage. T had much to do to 
 refrain from bursting my sides with laughter, on 
 hearing that a magpie filled such an important office, 
 and seeing a collector, 
 
 Up to the thinner air, on playful wing, 
 
 Soar till he seem'd a spot in heav'n's blue sky. 
 
 From the size and character of the Inspector, I 
 concluded that the Searchers and inferior Custom- 
 house oflicers must be flies. 
 
 When he had flown three times round our vessel, 
 he then flew ashore, and returned with three other 
 Magpies. They all alighted upon the prow. I 
 thought that I should have split with laughter, when 
 I saw one of our interpreters approach these mag- 
 pies witii many compliments, and heard him hold 
 
280 
 
 a long conversation with them. They were come 
 to inspect the cargo, and to examine whether we 
 had concealed any contraband goods, particularly 
 the plant Slak, the importation of which is most 
 strictly prohibited. They are accustomed, therefore, 
 to search for this article with the utmost care 
 and diligence ; and creep for this purpose into 
 every nook and corner of the ship, rummage every 
 package, and search every pocket, in order to scent 
 it out. The fact is, that the inhabitants are par- 
 ticularly partial to this plant, and barter for it other 
 excellent and necessary commodities, by which the 
 country's indigenous plants, which might answer 
 the same purpose, are depreciated in value ; so that 
 the Picardanians^ in this respect, perfectly resem- 
 ble the Europea?is, who are so eager after every- 
 thing which is produced in foreign countries, and 
 must be fetched from a great distance and at great 
 expense. 
 
 When the Inspector-general had conversed a 
 pretty long time with our interpreters, he went down 
 into the ship's hold, accompanied by the other mag- 
 pies. On his coming up again, he appeared to be 
 extremely irritated, and let us know that all trade 
 between us and his nation should henceforth entirely 
 cease, seeing that we had violated the treaty which 
 was concluded, by bringing prohibited goods with 
 
281 
 
 us. But the Captain, who knew by experience 
 how the anger of a Custom-house Inspector was 
 immediately to be appeased, presented him with a 
 few pounds of Slak of the best sort, which com- 
 pletely altered his tone, and he gave us permission 
 to discharge our cargo. When everything was 
 landed, there came flying to us an immense multi- 
 tude of magpies, who were all merchants. Mean- 
 while the Captain, with me and two other apes, 
 namely, our supercargo and an interpreter, went 
 on shore. 
 
 We were invited to dine with the Inspector- 
 general. There was, however, no table; for the 
 Picardanians are not able to use chairs : the cloth 
 was, therefore, laid in the middle of the floor. An 
 abundance of costly and sumptuous courses were 
 served up, but on extremely small dishes : and as 
 the kitchen was in the attic, four magpies came 
 flying down with each course through an aperture 
 in the ceiling. When the dinner was over, the 
 Inspector-general showed us his library. It con- 
 sisted of a tolerably large number of volumes ; but 
 of such diminutive sizes, that the largest folios were 
 scarcely so big as a child's halfpenny story-book, 
 I could not forbear smiling, when I saw the librarian 
 fly up to the highest shelves, to take down small 
 volumes in octavo and duodecimo. The houses of 
 
282 
 
 the Picardanians are not very unlike our own in 
 construction and embellishments ; excepting that 
 the beds hang close under the roof, similar to birds' 
 nests. Every one will naturally wonder, how it is 
 possible that magpies, which belong to the inferior 
 kind of birds, are able to erect such immense build- 
 ings ; but of its really being the case, I was fully 
 convinced, by observing them work at a house, 
 which they at that time were in the act of building. 
 There were on this occasion thousands of work- 
 people in motion. The number employed, and the 
 facility with which they fly, compensate in a great 
 measure for their want of strength ; so that they, in 
 almost as short a time as we, can finish any 
 building. 
 
 We could not enjoy the pleasure of seeing the 
 lady of the Inspector- general, as she had just lain 
 in ; and it is not customary here for a lying-in wife 
 to make her appearance until the children are 
 fledged : but she would shortly venture out, her 
 husband said ; for the young ones began already to 
 be beautiful and downy. 
 
 Our stay in this country was so short, that I am 
 not able to give a more accurate description of its 
 condition, and of the character and manners of the 
 inhabitants. Everybody's mind was in ferment 
 
283 
 
 and disquiet at the same time, in consequence of a 
 war which had lately broken out between the Picar- 
 da?na7isa.nd their neighbours the Fieldfares ; espe- 
 cially as, the day after our arrival, the news was 
 brought, that the magpies were defeated in a great 
 battle fought in the air ; and the commanding Gene- 
 ral, on whom a court-martial was held, was sen- 
 tenced to lose his wings, which is here looked upon 
 as a dreadful punishment, and almost as great as the 
 loss of life. As soon as we had disposed of our 
 merchandize, we again set sail. Not far from the 
 shore we perceived the sea covered with feathers, 
 from which we were led to conclude that the battle 
 between the magpies and fieldfares must have been 
 fought over that place. 
 
 After a favourable passage of three days, we 
 arrived in Music-land. As soon as the anchor was 
 cast we went on shore. One of our interpreters 
 walked before us with a musical instrument, which 
 in Europe is called a bass-vioL This appeared to 
 me exceedingly ridiculous, for I was unable to con- 
 ceive for what purpose he carried this cumbersome 
 burden. As we found all vacant and desolate, and 
 saw not the least trace of a living creature, the Cap- 
 tain ordered the trumpet to be sounded, to give the 
 inhabitants notice of our arrival ; whereupon there 
 came immediately running somewhere about thirty 
 
284 
 
 musical instruments, or bass-viols, each on one leg. 
 As upon the whole of my travels I had never met 
 w^ith anything so vronderful before, it seemed to me 
 in the beginning to be nothing but witchcraft ; but 
 I soon remarked, that these bass-viols were the 
 inhabitants of the country. On the top of a pretty 
 long neck they had a very little head ; the body 
 itself was small, andincrusted with a smooth bark, 
 which fitted, however, not tight to the carcass, but 
 left a tolerably wide vacant space between. Over 
 the navel they had by nature a bridge, across which 
 the four strings were extended. The whole machine 
 rested on one leg ; so that it may be said they rather 
 hopped than ran, and they skipped with a wonder- 
 ful agility across their verdant fields. In short, as 
 to what regards their shape, one might certainly 
 have taken them for real musical instruments, if they 
 had not had two hands and arms. In the one hand 
 they hold the bow, and the other is used for finger- 
 ing with. When our interpreter wished to speak 
 with them, he took the bass-viol, which he had with 
 him, in the left hand, the bow in the right, placed 
 himself in a proper attitude, and began to play. They 
 answered immediately by strokes on their strings ; 
 and, through performing thus by turns with each 
 other, they came at length to a regular musical dia- 
 logue. In the beginning they played merely adagio 
 with much harmony; but they got immediately 
 
285 
 
 upon discordant and jarring tones, which were 
 grating and unpleasant to the ear ; and at length 
 they ended the music with a particularly lively and 
 agreeable presto. As soon as our people heard 
 this, they skipped and jumped with joy, saying, 
 that the bargain for the merchandize was concluded. 
 I learned afterwards, that the adagio, which they 
 played in the beginning, was an introduction to 
 the dialogue, and consisted in mere mutual com- 
 pliments : afterwards, while the disso?ia7ice lasted, 
 they were treating about the price : and at length 
 the sweet-sounding presto signified that the sale 
 and purchase were effected ; for immediately after 
 the vessel was discharged. Among other articles 
 which are imported into this country, Colophonia is 
 the most considerable, with which the inhabitants 
 smear their bows or speaking- tools. Great crimi- 
 nals are punished by depriving them of their bows ; 
 and to lose them for ever is looked upon as equiva- 
 lent to punishing with death. As I was told, that 
 a cause was to be tried in a court of justice in the 
 neighbourhood, I ran thither, in order once to wit- 
 ness a musicEd law-suit. The pleading barristers 
 played upon their ventrical strings, instead of 
 speaking, and as long as the cause continued 
 nothing was heard but dissonance ; so that their 
 eloquence consisted in strokes with the bow^and 
 actions with the hands. As soon as the wrangling 
 
286 
 
 was finished, the judge rose from his seat, took 
 his bow, and played an adagio. I remarked, that 
 it was the sentence he pronounced ; for there 
 sprang forward immediately several officers of 
 justice, and took away the bow from the malefactor 
 who had lost the cause. 
 
 The children in this country have the appear- 
 ance of those instruments which we call fiddles. 
 They obtain no bow until they are three years old. 
 On entering their fourth year, they are sent to 
 school, to be instructed in fingering the strings- and 
 drawing the bow, which is here the same as teach- 
 ing to read with us. They are not taken from 
 school before they have learned to finger correctly, 
 draw the bow without jarring, and are even able to 
 compose a melody. We were excessively tor- 
 mented by these children, who followed us every- 
 where with their music. Our interpreter, who under- 
 stood the instrument language, told us, that these 
 young bass-viols were begging for colophonia. All 
 the time they begged, nothing was heard but a 
 grave tone or an adagio ; but when they gtt any- 
 thing they played presto, by wnich they meant to 
 express their gratitude. If they got nothing, their 
 music ceased altogether. 
 
 As we had now arranged all our affairs according 
 
287 
 
 to our wishes, we quitted Music-land at the end of 
 the month of Ciisan; and after three days' sailing we 
 descried the coast of a new country, which, in con- 
 sequence of the impure air that saluted our olfactory 
 nerves, we concluded must be Pyglossui. The 
 inhabitants of this country very much resemble 
 human beings ; the whole difference consists in their 
 having no mouth, and therefore speak with that part 
 which is turned to the South when the nose points 
 towards the North Pole. The first person that 
 came on board was a rich merchant. He saluted 
 us, according to the custom of these people, with the 
 other end, and began to speak about the price of our 
 goods. While this lasted I kept myself at a re- 
 spectful distance, as 1 had no particular relish either 
 for the sound or the smell of his discourse. But to 
 my great misfortune and annoyance, our barber was 
 sick at the same time, so that I was under the ne- 
 cessity of being shaved by a Pijglossian ; and as 
 the barbers here are just as talkative as those in 
 Europe, he filled the whole cabin, while he scraped 
 me, with so unpleasant an odour, that as soon as he 
 was gone, we were obliged to fumigate with all the 
 incense which we had on board. 
 
 I was now become accustomed to things which 
 were both wonderful and supernatural, so that 
 nothing appeared to me any longer either extrava- 
 
288 
 
 gant or preposterous. As, however, in consequence 
 of this defect in nature, it was difficult as well as 
 tedious to converse with these people, we endea- 
 voured by all the means in our powder to accelerate 
 our departure, and even weighed anchor somewhat 
 before the appointed time ; principally because a 
 rich Pyglossian had invited us to dinner. On the 
 invitation being given, we all shrugged our shoul- 
 ders, and no one seemed willing to accept it, ex- 
 cepting on the condition, that so long as the dinner 
 lasted, there should be maintained at the table a 
 perfect silence. When we sailed out of the har- 
 bour, there stood on the shore a multitude of Py- 
 glossians, who in a strangely noisy manner wished 
 us a good voyage ; but as the wind blew from the 
 land, we begged of them with looks and gestures 
 to spare their congratulations ; for politeness even 
 may be carried too far. The articles which the 
 Martinians export to this place, are rose-water, 
 balsam, and a variety of fragrant spices. 
 
 I have already remarked, that this people, in 
 respect to the form of their bodies, resembled much 
 the human being, except in so far that they spoke 
 with that part whereon we always sit. On our 
 earth, there is no lack of people, who, as well 
 in dialect as in shape, perfectly resemble the Py- 
 glossians. Thought I to myself, should Jens 
 
289 
 
 Soerensen, Ole Petersen, Andreas Lorensten, and 
 other such like polite characters, who, with cynical 
 bluntness, give everything its proper name ; and 
 without shame or reserve, even in the company of 
 females, manifest their corrupt and frivolous minds. 
 I say, should these talkers of ribaldry and obscenity 
 come to this country, they would be received with 
 open arms. On account of the affinity of their lan- 
 guage they would immediately obtain their burgher- 
 right, and be looked upon as natives. For what 
 matters it where the mouth is placed, when that 
 which comes out of it 
 
 Is a sounding stink, and a stinking sound, 
 Which a dunghill discovers in mind and body ? 
 
 From this place we steered our course for Ice- 
 land^ which was so dreary and so horrible to look 
 at, that I thought it must be the most unhappy of 
 all countries. It consisted of barren rocks, which 
 were eternally covered with snow. The inhabi- 
 tants, who are all of ice, dwell here and there, in 
 clefts on the tops of the mountains, into which the 
 rays of the sun never penetrate, and where, in 
 black darkness, there reigns an incessant frost. 
 The only light they ever have, is reflected from 
 the glistening rime. The valleys are dried up and 
 parched with smoke ; they therefore never venture 
 
 u 
 
290 
 
 down into them, except in thick and damp weather, 
 when the atmosphere is very foggy ; and as soon 
 as they perceive the smallest ray of the sun, they 
 either suddenly return, or plunge themselves head- 
 long into pits or caverns. It frequently happens, 
 that on descending from the mountains, they melt 
 on the wav, or meet with some other misfortune. 
 Criminals, for this reason, are conducted down in 
 thick weather upon a sledge, and there bound to a 
 stake until they are melted by the rays of the sun. 
 This country produces every kind of mineral, 
 excepting gold. These minerals are exported by 
 foreign merchants in their crude state, as the inha- 
 bitants cannot bear heat, and are, tlierefore, unable 
 to smelt the ore and manufacture the metals. It is 
 supposed that the commerce of Ice-land brings in 
 nearly as much again as all the other trade of 
 Mezendores. 
 
 All these countries, whereof I have given a short 
 description, are subject to the Emperor of Mezen- 
 dores. The seafaring people call them generally, 
 on that account, the Mezendorian Islands, notwith- 
 standing each of them has a particular name — as 
 may be seen in this book of my travels. After a 
 voyage of eight days, we arrived at the city where 
 the Emperor resides, and there found in reality 
 everything that the poets have written concerning 
 
291 
 
 the fellowship of animals, trees, and plants ; for 
 Mezendores is, as it were, the common father-land 
 of all rational animals and vegetables. Every 
 animal, every tree, can there obtain its burghership, 
 provided it submit to the government and the laws. 
 One might be led to think that, in consequence of 
 the mixing of such a multiplicity of differently- 
 formed and heterogeneal beings, there must reign 
 much confusion, broils, and disquiet. But so far is 
 this from being the case, that, on the contrary, this 
 variety produces the most happy effects ; which 
 may be attributed to their wise laws and regula- 
 tions, by virtue of which all the subjects are 
 appointed to such employments and occupations as, 
 by nature and the peculiar faculties of the mind, 
 they are best qualified to perform. Thus, for 
 example, in consideration of the innate magnani- 
 mity which is peculiar to lions, a lion is always 
 elected Regent. Elephants, in consequence of their 
 acute judgment, are chosen members of the Coun- 
 cil of State. Cameleons are selected as courtiers, 
 because they are changeable, and know how to 
 turn their coat according to the weather. The mili- 
 tary consists of bears, tigers, and other valiant 
 and martial animals. The fleet, on the contrary, is 
 manned with oxeii and bulls ; as seamen, gene- 
 rdlly speaking, are a plain and brave set of people ; 
 but hard, severe, inflexible, and, for the most part, 
 
 u2 
 
292 
 
 not of particularly refined manners, and whose way 
 of life is accordant with their element. For this 
 reason, there is a school established, consisting of 
 calves, or midshipmen, wherein these warriors are 
 moulded, and from which all the naval officers are 
 taken. The trees, because of their natural 
 moderation and discretion, are commonly chosen as 
 judges. The counsellors of the higher courts of 
 justice are geese ; and those of the lower courts, 
 inagpies. Foxes are selected as ordinary and 
 extraordinary ambassadors, consuls, agents, and 
 secretaries of legation. Ravens are generally ap- 
 pointed as dividers of inheritances, and commis- 
 sioners for the effects of deceased persons. He- 
 goats are philosophers, and particularly gramma- 
 rians — partly on account of their horns, with which 
 on the slightest occasion they are accustomed to 
 gore their opponents, and partly in consideration 
 of their venerable beards, which so manifestly dis- 
 tinguish them from all other beings. The burgo- 
 masters and aldermen of small market-towns are 
 horses. Land and house-owners and farmers are 
 S7iakes, moles, rats, and mice. For estafettes 
 and couriers, birds are employed. Asses, on account 
 of their frightful braying, are selected as parish- 
 clerks. Nightingales are singers and flute-players, 
 cocks are watchmen, and dogs are door-keepers. 
 Wolves are commonly chosen as financiers, chan- 
 
293 
 
 cellors of the exchequer, and inspectors of the Cus- 
 toms, and hawks are their deputies. 
 
 By these excellent regulations, the public offices 
 were correctly entrusted, and everything was 
 performed pleasantly and in due order. For this 
 reason, I consider that the government of Mezen- 
 dores is a pattern by v^hich all legislators, in the 
 management of state affairs, ought to regulate 
 themselves ; for it is certainly not so much the 
 stupidity of the subjects, that there are in other coun- 
 tries so many useless and unqualified placemen, 
 but the fault arises from a want of judgment in 
 those who appoint them. If care and prudence were 
 always exercised in choosing persons to fill public 
 situations, and they were selected, not so much 
 for their merits in general as for their distinguished 
 abilities and qualifications to hold this or that office 
 in particular, then would all national business be 
 well performed, and the State would incessantly 
 flourish. How far such a regulation is beneficial, 
 the following example will prove : — The Mezendo- 
 rian annals mention, that about three hundred years 
 ago, during the reign of the emperor Lilako, this 
 law was repealed, and the public situations were 
 given away at random, to all who had either done 
 anything worthy of notice, or distinguished them- 
 tjclves by any particular virtue. But this distribution 
 
294 
 
 of oflBces at random occasioned so much distur- 
 bance and confusion, that in a short time it seemed 
 as if the existence of the State was at an end. A 
 wolf, for example, who had so admirably discharged 
 the duties of the office of chancellor, requested, on 
 the ground of this service, to be promoted to a 
 higher dignity, and became in consequence a 
 senator. A tree, on the contrary, who was known for 
 his distinguished and acute judgment, became again 
 a chancellor. By this inverted promotion two 
 skilful and clever persons were rendered entirely 
 useless to the State. And further, a he-goat, or 
 philosopher, who, at the academy, had acquired tlie 
 highest renown for his obstinacy in defending his 
 positions, was so inflated with this honour, that he 
 endeavoured for a higher post — namely, the first 
 place at court which might become vacant, and he 
 obtained it. On the other side, a cameleon, on the 
 grounds of his good breeding and supple character, 
 obtained a professorship at the academy, which he 
 solicited on account of the stipend attached to it. 
 Thus was the one transformed from an excellent 
 courtier to a miserable philosopher, and the other 
 from an excellent philosopher to a miserable cour- 
 tier. For the firmness which he had exhibited in 
 maintaining his opinions, and which had so much 
 adorned the philosopher, now completely disfigured 
 the courtier, as volatility, fickleness, and versatility. 
 
295 
 
 are cardinal virtues at courts, and a true courtier 
 ought not to look so much at what is just, proper, 
 and equitable, as at that which is secure ; and must 
 continually turn his coat according to the weather 
 of the court. But that which is an imperfection or 
 a fault at court, is just a virtue at the academy, 
 where ardour and vehemence in maintaining one's 
 opinion to the utmost, are looked upon as the 
 greatest proof of learning and sedulity. In a word : 
 through the repealing of this law, all the subjects of 
 the empire, even those who were distinguished 
 for the most rare talents and shining abilities, were 
 rendered completely useless, and the State began 
 to totter. As everything was threatened with ruin 
 and destruction, a particularly clever and intelligent 
 elephant, of the name of Bakkari, who was Coun- 
 sellor of State, stood forward, and with much 
 warmth represented to the Emperor the miserable 
 state of the country. His Majesty was convinced, 
 resolved immediately to remove the evil, and went 
 to work in the following manner : he did not at once 
 discharge all the placemen, — for in that case the 
 remedy would have been worse than the disease, — 
 but, by degrees, as the offices became vacant, he 
 transferred every one from the post where he was use- 
 less, to one where he could exercise his abilities to 
 advantage. For the services which Bakkari, on this 
 occasion, rendered to his father-land, the benellcial 
 
296 
 
 eifects of which were soon manifest, a public monu- 
 ment, after his death, was erected to his memory, 
 and which may still be seen in the centre of the 
 great square at Mezendores. From that time for- 
 ward the ancient laws have been constantly held 
 , sacred. 
 
 Our interpreter assured us that this history was 
 related to him by a gander, who was his most inti- 
 mate friend, and was considered one of the most 
 clever and skilful counsellors in the whole city. 
 
 In this country is found such a multiplicity of 
 extraordinary and highly wonderful things, that 
 the attention of the foreigner and traveller must 
 thereby necessarily be attracted. The mere ap- 
 pearance of such a diversity of living creatures, as 
 bears, wolves , geese, magpies, SfC, which walk 
 through the streets and converse with each other, 
 excite in every one, who has never beheld the like 
 before, both pleasure and admiration. The first 
 who came on board of our vessel, was a lean and 
 hungry tcolf, or inspector of the customs, who was 
 followed by four hawks, or custom-house officers, 
 whom we in Europe denominate searchers. These 
 ])ersons took of such articles as they liked the best, 
 and gave us thereby to understand, that they were 
 not deficient in knowledge of their trade, and that 
 
297 
 
 they had every trick at the ends of their fingers. 
 The Captain, with his accustomed politeness, took 
 me with him on shore. As soon as we had set 
 foot upon the bridge, we were met by a cock^ who 
 asked us whence we came, and the object of our 
 visit, and then announced us to the Inspector of the 
 Customs. He received us with much courteousness, 
 and invited us to dine with him. The lady of the 
 house, his wife, who, as I heard, was one of the 
 greatest beauties among the female wolves, was not 
 present at table. The reason of this, as we after- 
 wards learned, was the jealousy of her husband, 
 who thought it not altogether advisable to allow so 
 handsome a wife to be seen by foreigners, and 
 especially by sailors, who, greedy and languishing in 
 consequence of so long a fast, commonly, as soon 
 as they get on shore, run after every woman and 
 girl they see. There were, however, several other 
 ladies at table, among whom was the wife of a 
 certain Commandant : this lady was a white coic^ 
 with a few black spots. Next to her sat a black 
 cat^ who was the wife of the Head Forester to the 
 Emperor, and was lately from the country. By the 
 side of me sat a speckled sow^ the wife of a certain 
 Collector of Taxes ; for this class of placemen is 
 generally chosen out of the swinish multitude. She 
 was certainly a little filthy, and had neglected to 
 wash her hands — a case very common among that 
 
298 
 
 sort of people ; but for the rest, she appeared to me 
 exceedingly beautiful and very complaisant ; for she 
 frequently took meat from the dish and laid it on 
 my plate. Every one was surprised at this extra- 
 ordinary politeness, especially as swine do not 
 always possess exactly the most elegant and polished 
 manners. But I had much rather that she had not 
 been quite so polite ; for it was not particularly 
 agreeable to me to be assisted to victuals by the 
 dirty hands of a sow. It must here be remarked, 
 that the inhabitants of the empire of Mezendores, 
 although in the form of their bodies completely 
 resemble the brute creation, they nevertheless have 
 hands and fingers on their fore-legs. As they are 
 covered either with hair, wool, or feathers, they 
 require no other kind of clothing. The rich, how- 
 ever, are distinguished from the poor by certain 
 ornaments ; as, for example, chains of gold or 
 pearls, which they wear round the neck ; and ribbon, 
 which they, in a fantastical manner, wind round 
 their horns. The wife of the Commandant had so 
 many frills and knots of ribbon about her head, that 
 it was with difficult v her horns could be seen at all. 
 She made an excuse for the absence of her husband, 
 who, she said, was obliged to stay at home, in con- 
 sequence of a dispute in which he had lately 
 involved himself, and was, therefore, necessitated to 
 consult with two viagpies, who, the following day. 
 
299 
 
 were to bring his cause forward before the tri- 
 bunal. 
 
 After dinner, the speckled sow — the wife of the 
 Tax-gatherer — had a private conversation with our 
 interpreter, wherein she declared to him that she 
 was deeply in love with me. He consoled her in 
 the best way he could, promised her his assistance, 
 and then turned round and endeavoured to prevail 
 upon me to yield to her desires ; but when he found 
 that all his persuasive eloquence was of no avail, 
 he advised me to flee without loss of time ; for he 
 well knew that this lady would move both heaven 
 and earth to compass her design. From that day 
 forward I remained continually on board, particularly 
 as it came to my knowledge that an old gallant of 
 the lady, a certain studiosus ]jhilosophi{je, in conse- 
 quence of jealousy, laW in wait to murder me. But 
 the vessel herself was not a sufficient fence against 
 this female's attack, who, first with verbal messages, 
 then with billets-doux, and afterwards with elegies 
 on love, strove to melt the ice which surrounded 
 my heart. Had I not lost these papers in the ship- 
 wreck which I afterwards suffered, I should here 
 have shown several specimens of swinish poesy. 
 But I have nearly forgotten the whole of it, with 
 the exception of these few lines, wherein she 
 exalts her form in the following style : — 
 
300 
 
 thou ! for whom my soul doth always long, 
 Think me not ugly, neither think me wrong 
 In thus unbosoming my painful feelings, 
 While doom' d to breakfast on potato-peelings. 
 View me, ray love, ah ! prithee do not fail. 
 View me in front, then view me near the tail ; 
 View both my sides, and eke my teats and chine, 
 And say, if e'er you saw a form like mine. 
 Perhaps you are in love, my dear, my life, 
 With Madam Cow, the toll-inspector's wife ; 
 
 Or else, perhaps— ah, palpitating heart ! 
 
 Whilst now 1 write, thou feel'st the poignant smart 
 
 Of disappointment throbbing in thy core. — 
 
 Thou know'stthyself how much thou dost adore !— 
 
 1 say, perhaps — and when I've said all that. 
 You are in love with that malicious cat. 
 But leave the cat, the cow, and ev'ry tree, 
 And be in love, my young wild-boar, with me ! 
 
 The sale and barter of the merchandise went on 
 with so much celerity, that in a few days we could 
 have put to sea again ; but a quarrel which took 
 place, just when we were ready for sailing, between 
 our crew and some of the Mezendorians, delayed 
 our departure for some time. The occasion of the 
 quarrel was as follows: — while one of our boat- 
 swains was walking through the city, he was shame- 
 fully abused by a cuckoo^ who, among other oppro- 
 brious epithets, called him a peripoin^ which word 
 in their language signifies a juggler ; for as jugglers 
 
SOI 
 
 and puppet-show-players in this country are com- 
 monly ajjes, the cuckoo took him, no doubt, for 
 such a person. The boatswain, who by no means 
 relished the joke, gave the poor cuckoo a sound 
 drubbing, and was very near breaking his neck. 
 The cuckoo, who was severely beaten, requested 
 the people to bear in remembrance what had passed, 
 summoned all the by-standers as witnesses, and the 
 matter came tlie following day before a magistrate 
 for investigation. When the depositions of all the 
 witnesses had been taken, the affair was immedi- 
 ately sent to a tribunal for decision. The boat- 
 swain, who neither understood the language nor 
 the jurisprudence of Mezendores, was obliged to 
 engage a magpie to defend his cause. When the 
 counsellors for both parties had spoken, replied, re- 
 joined, and wrangled and twisted the matter this 
 way and that way, before the tribunal, for the 
 space of nearly half a day, the following judgment 
 was at length pronounced : — That as the cuckoo 
 had begun the quarrel, he should he fined, and 
 pay t^ie expenses of the process ; of which, as usual, 
 the greatest part went into the pockets of the law- 
 yers. The magistrates who judged this cause 
 were horses, whereof two were denominated burgo- 
 masters, and four, aldermen. There were present 
 also six colts, as hearers, who in this manner, as 
 young barristers, were instructed in matters of 
 
302 
 
 legal procedure. In the other colleges, I was told 
 that there were just such like seminaries, whence 
 those students, who had made the greatest profi- 
 ciency in the study of jurisprudence, were taken to 
 fill up the vacant places. 
 
 As we had now fortunately terminated our busi- 
 ness, and taken on board a very valuable cargo, we 
 set sail on our return home. We had scarcely 
 got into the open sea, when it suddenly became 
 calm, and the crew, in order to pass away the time, 
 went to fishing, some with nets and others with 
 hocks. Shortly after, a smart breeze sprang up, and 
 
 The swelling sails again were quickly spread. 
 
 When w^e had been sailing for a considerable 
 time with a favourable gale, we once more per- 
 ceived several mermaids. 
 
 Who oft did raise themselves, then dive again, 
 Amid the foaming billows, — 
 
 and ever and anon uttered a frightful shriek. At 
 this the sailors became much terrified, as they knew, 
 from experience, that this doleful music usually 
 portended a storm and shipwreck. The mainsail 
 was, therefore, immediately taken in, and every one 
 
303 
 
 had his post and occupation assigned to him. This 
 was hardly done, when the heavens began most 
 dismally to lower, 
 
 And day was cliang'd to frowning night, 
 
 And much convuls'd appeared the sky ; 
 
 Each seaman stood aghast with fright, 
 
 Believing that his end was nigh. 
 
 While o'er the mountain-billows dash'd 
 
 Our lab' ring bark, quite uncontroll'd, 
 
 The lightning ev'ry instant flash'd. 
 
 The thunder roar'd, the tempest howl'd; 
 And while we thus upon the deep were toss'd ; 
 All wrung their hands and cried, We're lost ! we're lost ! 
 
 The mate of the vessel, who had ploughed the 
 subterraneous ocean for forty years, assured us 
 that he had never experienced so violent a tempest. 
 Everything was washed off the deck, partly by the 
 seas which the vessel shipped, and partly by the 
 excessive rain, which, from a tremendous water- 
 spout, accompanied with thunder and lightning, 
 poured down upon us — so that the elements seemed 
 to have conspired together for our destruction. 
 While we were thus drifting about on the boisterous 
 deep, snap at once went our mainmast, and fell 
 with a dreadful crash over the stem, carrying away 
 our mizenmast at the same time. Immediately after, 
 the foremast fell, and now all hope to save our- 
 
304 
 
 selves completely vanished. We saw nothing but 
 certain death before our eyes ; the one called upon 
 wife and children, the other upon friends and 
 relations, and the whole ship resounded with cries 
 of despair. The mate, although he had given up all 
 hope, nevertheless strove to calm the perturbation 
 of the crew, and bade them cease their liowling and 
 lamentations, which he said were entirely useless ; 
 but while he was speaking, the vessel shipped a 
 heavy sea, and he was carried overboard and 
 drowned. We saw him rise two or three times, 
 but each time farther from the ship, till at length 
 he was swallowed up in the raging billows, and we 
 lost sight of him for ever. Three others shared a 
 like fate, namely our merchant, or supercargo, and 
 two sailors. I was the only one who bore this 
 general calamity with patience, as I was completely 
 weary of my life, and felt not the least desire to 
 return to Martinia, where 1 had lost both my 
 liberty and all esteem. Thus was I one of the num- 
 ber of those, 
 
 Who ev'rytliing had lost, and had no fear more. 
 
 I was extremely concerned for the Captain, who, 
 during the whole voyage, had shown me so much 
 kindness; I therefore endeavoured, with the most 
 expressive and energetic language of which I was 
 
305 
 
 master, to exhilarate his dejected spirits, but all my 
 eloquence was of no avail ; for he continued, like a 
 great girl, to sigh and howl, until a wave came and 
 washed him overboard. The storm increased, and 
 no one troubled himself any further about the ship. 
 Without rudder, masts, oars, or ropes, the hull of the 
 vessel was driven completely at the mercy of the 
 waves. For three whole days we were in this 
 manner a ball before the raging tempest, exhausted 
 with hunger, and in constant expectation of 
 approaching death. The clouds, now and then, 
 cleared away, and we beheld the blue sky ; but the 
 storm raged nevertheless with unabated fury. To 
 the consolation of the remaining crew, we at length 
 discovered at some distance a mountainous country, 
 and the wind setting directly upon it, we were in 
 hopes of reaching it in a short time. Although it 
 seemed impossible for us to land, without suffering 
 shipwreck, as the coast consisted of steep and 
 craggy rocks, yet it was hoped that some, if not 
 all, might be able to save themselves upon part of 
 the hull. While we were thus buoying ourselves 
 up with these vain hopes, the vessel struck so heavily 
 upon a sunken rock, that she immediately separated 
 and went into a hundred pieces. In this agony and 
 distress, I seized hold of a plank, and without concern- 
 ing myself about the others, I only thought of how I 
 might escape a watery grave ; so that even to this 
 
 X 
 
306 
 
 moment I am ignorant of what became of them. 
 But it is most probable that they all perished, 
 for I never heard that any of them got on shore. I 
 was driven forward by the waves with great rapidity, 
 which was my good fortune; for had I continued 
 much longer in that condition, 1 should certainly 
 have given up the ghost from hunger and fatigue. 
 When I had got round a cape, which projected out 
 a good distance, I found that the waves were not so 
 high, and the roaring of the sea I heard less and 
 less distinctly. On seeing that I approached the 
 shore, I began to bawl as loudly as I could, in 
 hopes that the inhabitants, on hearing the noise, 
 would come to my succour. To my first cry I re- 
 ceived no answer ; but when I cried a second time, 
 I heard a sound from the shore, and perceived a 
 number of the natives running out of woods, while 
 others were coming to meet me in a yawl, which 
 was wreathed together with withies and oak-twigs ; 
 from which I concluded, that this nation must be 
 extremely savage and uncultivated. But I was 
 heartily glad, when the rowers approached me, to 
 see that they were perfectly of the human form, and 
 the only real men whom I had met with in all my 
 travels. They resembled very much the people on 
 our globe, who dwell in hot climates ; for their 
 beards were coal black, and their hair was curly : 
 and those individuals who have Ion* and loose hair 
 
307 
 
 are looked upon as deformed. The country which 
 they inhabit is full of barren rocks, and the craggy 
 ridges of mountains contiguous to each other, which, 
 in numerous bays and gulfs, pierce the clouds, cause 
 the echo to reverberate through the valleys, pro- 
 ducing the most astonishing effect. They at length 
 reached the plank on which I was drifting, took me 
 into their yawl, and set me on shore, wet as I was, 
 where they immediately supplied me hospitably 
 with both meat and drink. Although the food which 
 they gave me was not particularly savoury and de- 
 licious, it nevertheless refreshed me so much, after 
 having hungered and thirsted for three days, that 
 in a short time I recovered my former strength. 
 
 x2 
 
308 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 THE AUTHOR S ARRIVAL AT QUAMA. 
 
 In the mean time a multitude of people crowded 
 round me from all sides. One of them, in the name 
 of the whole, invited me to speak ; but as I was 
 unacquainted with their language, I knew not what 
 to answer. They frequently repeated the words 
 danky dank ; and as these seemed to me to be 
 German, I answered them first in that language, 
 afterwards in Danish, and, lastly, in Latin ; but they 
 gave me to understand, by a shake of the head, that 
 these tongues were unknown to them. I endea- 
 voured, at length, to explain myself in the subter- 
 raneous languages ; namely, in the Nazarean and 
 Martinian, but all to no purpose. From this circum- 
 stance I concluded that this nation could not have 
 the least intercourse with foreigners, either by 
 means of commerce, or any other connexions, and 
 
309 
 
 that I should in this place be obliged to become a 
 child again, and go to school afresh. 
 
 After we had conversed together for some time, 
 without understanding each other, I was conducted 
 into a small wattled cottage. In this there was 
 neither table, chair, nor bench ; they sat upon the 
 ground to take their victuals, and, instead of beds, 
 they spread straw upon the floor, and there lay 
 higgledy-piggledy, and slept the whole night. I 
 was so much the more surprised at this, as the 
 country contains a superfluity of thick woods. Their 
 only subsistence was milk, cheese, barley-bread, 
 and meat, which they always broiled, as they were 
 entirely ignorant of boiling : in short, they lived 
 nearly after the same manner as our primitive 
 parents, 
 
 Who wore the skins of animals they'd kill'd, 
 Ate game and roots, of limpid water drank, 
 In arts and sciences they were not skill'd, 
 No laws, no wealth, no difference of rank, 
 No pomp, nor yet profuseness, they e'er knew ; 
 These things by them were little understood ; 
 Their hearts were gen'roiis, and their errors few. 
 Their manners simple, their intentions good. 
 
 I was obliged to live for a length of time like a 
 dog, until I was master of so much of their 
 
SIO 
 
 language, as to enable me to converse with, and 
 assist them a little through their ignorance. The 
 least of all rules that I gave them, by which to lead 
 an honest life, they looked upon as divine precepts. 
 My fame was quickly spread abroad, and all the 
 people from the adjacent villages flocked to me in 
 crowds, as if I had been a teacher sent down from 
 heaven, I heard, even, that many had begun a 
 new chronology from the time of my arrival. All 
 this tickled me so much the more, as I had formerly, 
 upon the planet Nazar^ been derided, mocked, 
 and ridiculed, for my inconsiderateness and volatile 
 powers of comprehension ; and in Martinia for my 
 stupidity. This proves the truth of the old adage, 
 that among the blind, a one-eyed man's a king ; for 
 I had now got into a country where I, with a very 
 little common learning, could easily raise myself 
 to the highest dignity. I had here the best oppor- 
 tunity in the world to employ my talents, since this 
 very fruitful country produces everything in abun- 
 dance that man requires, either for pleasure or 
 advantage. ITie inhabitants were by no means 
 indocible, and were not deficient in conception ; 
 but as they had never been instructed in anything, 
 they lived in the darkest ignorance. When I re- 
 lated to them concerning my birth, father-land, the 
 shipwreck I had suffered, and several other adven- 
 tures, occurrences, and incidents upon my travels, 
 
311 
 
 no one would believe me. Tliey were much more 
 inclined to believe that I was an inhabitant of the 
 snn, and had descended from that great luminary, 
 for which reason they commonly called me Pikil-su, 
 or Envoy from the Sun. With respect to their 
 religion, they did not deny the existence of a Supreme 
 Being, but gave themselves very little trouble about 
 proving it : they thought it enough for them to 
 believe the same as their forefathers had believed ; 
 and in this sole doctrine consisted the whole of their 
 theology. In morals they only knew this one sim- 
 ple precept — Do not unto others, ic hat you would 
 not that they should do unto you. They had no 
 laws ; the Emperor's will was their only rule. They 
 ])unished here only for public offences ; but when a 
 person committed otherwise any knavery, every- 
 body shunned him and avoided his conversation, 
 and all intercourse with him ; and this contempt 
 was generally so insupportable to the guilty, that 
 they most commonly grieved themselves to death, 
 or, growing weary of their lives, put a period to 
 their existence. Of the computation of time tjjey 
 were perfectly ignorant: they reckoned their year 
 after the eclipses of the sun, occasioned by the 
 intervention of the planet A^(r/r«r. When a person 
 was asked how old he was, he usually answered, 
 that he had lived to witness so many eclipses. 
 Their knowledge of nature was extremely small and 
 
312 
 
 perverted ; for they believed the sun to be a plate 
 of gold, and the planet Nazar to be a cheese. 
 When I asked them the cause why this planet, at 
 certain times, increased and waned, they answered, 
 that they knew not. Their wealth consisted in 
 swine, which, with marks upon them, ran about 
 the woods ; and every one considered himself rich, 
 according to the number of pigs he possessed. 
 Those trees which did not bear acorns or mast, 
 and which had the appearance of not thriving, they 
 used to lash well with a whip, as they, in their 
 simplicity, attributed this unfruitfulness to perverse- 
 ness and malevolence. 
 
 In this manner was the condition of this misera- 
 ble people disposed, whom I in the beginning, even 
 with the assistance of art and instruction, despaired 
 of being able to make intelligent beings of; but 
 when I recollected. 
 
 That diligence is always well rewarded, 
 
 My scheme should, therefore, not be now retarded, 
 
 I bestowed immediately, for this reason, all 
 possible pains to refine and enlighten this raw and 
 uncultivated people, which occasioned me to be 
 looked upon by them as a Deity: and their confi- 
 dence in my wisdom went so far, that they thought 
 
313 
 
 nothing impossible for me to perform. There- 
 fore, 
 
 If here an ox was stolen, there a cow was ill, 
 If pigs died in the wood, or fox the geese did kill; 
 If eVr their fields of corn were beaten down by hail, 
 To me they ran straightway, and told the woful tale. 
 
 So that in the middle of the night they would 
 frequently visit my cottage and implore my assist- 
 ance. I recollect to have once found a peasant on 
 bis knees on the outside of my door, wringing bis 
 bands, w^eeping, and complaining bitterly of the 
 unfruitfulness of his trees ; and supplicating me at 
 the same time, in the most grievous manner, to 
 exercise my authority, and cause them again to 
 bear acorns, as they formerly did. 
 
 I learned, that the whole realm was under the 
 dominion* of a Regent, whose residence was, at 
 that time, eight days' journey from the village 
 where I lived. I use the expression " at that time," 
 because the imperial residence was in no fixed 
 place ; and, instead of solid houses, consisted of 
 tents, wherein the court and all the household 
 dwelt, and removed at pleasure from one province 
 to another. The reigning Prince was a very old 
 man, and bore the title of Casba^ which signifies 
 the great Emperor, In consideration of the 
 
314 
 
 number of provinces which this State contains, it 
 may with propriety be denominated an Empire ; but 
 on account of the ignorance of the inhabitants, who 
 knew not how to profit by their manifold advan- 
 tages, it had always been looked upon as insignifi- 
 cant, exposed to the attacks, mockery, and derision 
 of its neighbours, and not unfrequently obliged to 
 pay tribute even to the most rude and uncivilized 
 nations. 
 
 The fame of my name and perfection was in a 
 short time spread through every province. From 
 that time forward, no one undertook anything 
 without first consulting me, as an oracle ; and when 
 any undertaking proved abortive, the cause was 
 ascribed to my indifference and displeasure, for 
 which reason numerous sacrifices and offerings were 
 made, whereby again to appease my wrath. I 
 shall forbear to mention all the absurdities of which 
 this extremely stu})id people was guilty ; and confine 
 myself to relating two or three, from which a person 
 may easily imagine the nature of the rest. A 
 pregnant woman once believed that, with a very 
 little trouble, I could cause the foetus then in 
 embryo to be a boy ; another besought me to make 
 her old parents young again ; a third person, who 
 was a man, entreated me to convey him up to the 
 sun, whence he might take as much gold as he 
 
315 
 
 needed, and bring an immense treasure back with 
 him. With these, and numerous other similarly 
 preposterous requests, I was so importuned, that 
 many times I was obliged seriously and earnestly 
 to set them to rights for their foolishness ; for I 
 really feared, that the too great confidence which 
 they placed in my power and perfection, would at 
 length terminate in divine worship. After some 
 time, it reached the ears of the old Emperor, that a 
 great man was arrived in the country, in a strange, 
 outlandish dress, who gave himself out as the 
 Envoy from the sun, and had, by laying down to 
 divers Quamites (as the inhabitants are called, 
 after the name of the country Quama\ the most 
 wise, and almost divine rules for guiding them cor- 
 rectly in the way through life, proved himself to be 
 more than human. His Majesty, therefore, immedi- 
 ately dispatched envoys, with orders to invite me 
 to his imperial residence. They were thirty in 
 number, and all clad in tiger-skins, which dress is 
 considered, in these countries, the greatest orna- 
 ment ; for no one is permitted to wear it unless he 
 has distinguished himself in the war against the 
 Tanaquians, who are rational tigers, and mortal 
 enemies of the Quamites. 
 
 In the village where I resided, I built a walled 
 house two stories high, after the European fashion. 
 
316 
 
 This building astonished the envoys, as a work 
 which surpassed all human power, and they entered 
 it, as a sanctuary, with the most religious and 
 reverential awe, in order to announce to me the 
 invitation of the Emperor in the following words : — 
 " As the great Emperor, our most gracious sove- 
 reign Lord, reckons his genealogy through numer- 
 ous generations from Spi/7iko, Child of the Sun, and 
 first Regent in Quaina^ nothing in the world could 
 have yielded him so much pleasure as this embassy, 
 especially as it will tend so infinitely to the benefit 
 of the State ; and it is to be expected, that the 
 whole nation, under so excellent and heavenly a 
 teacher, will quickly assume a quite different cha- 
 racter. His Majesty, therefore, hopes, that the 
 Envoy from the sun will be pleased to condescend 
 to repair to the capital at his earliest convenience, 
 as he will there find innumerable opportunities of 
 bringing the full powers of his perfection into 
 immediate action." I expressed my thankfulness 
 in the most humble and respectful manner, and set 
 off without delay for the capital, accompanied by 
 the envoys. These gentlemen had been fourteen 
 days on their journey to my house; but on our 
 retrogression, with the help of an art of which I 
 was master, we found four days quite sufficient. 
 As I had remarked that in this country there was 
 a superfiuity of horses, which were more trouble- 
 
317 
 
 some than serviceable to the inhabitants, since they 
 ran about wild in the woods, I showed the great 
 advantage that could be derived from these noble 
 animals, and taught them how they were to be 
 managed. Several were immediately caught and 
 tamed, so that during the stay of the envoys at my 
 house, I got as many broken.and in readiness, as 
 we needed on our journey. They were much terri- 
 fied at the sight of these horses, and hesitated for a 
 long time before they would mount ; but on seeing 
 me and many others, without fear or risk, exercise 
 and govern them with the reins in whatsoever way 
 we pleased, they took courage, made atrial, and 
 accommodated themselves at length to this mode of 
 travelling, by which they arrived again at home in 
 less than one third of the time they had required to 
 make the journey from the Emperor's residence. 
 As we approached the place where we expected to 
 find the capital, we learned that it was removed 
 to another province ; we were, therefore, obliged 
 to wheel about and take another route. 
 
 A person can form no idea to himself of the 
 wonder and astonishment that were visible in the 
 countenances of the Quamites, on seeing us make 
 our entry into the capital. Some were so terrified, 
 that they ran out of the city. The Emperor him- 
 
318 
 
 self was so overcome with fear, that he durst not 
 venture out of his tent, nor would he even make his 
 appearance until one of the envoys dismounted, 
 went into his apartments, and explained to him the 
 whole mystery. In a short time after, I was intro- 
 duced, followed by a numerous retinue, in the most 
 pompous and splended manner, into the imperial 
 tent. The Emperor was seated upon a carpet, sur- 
 rounded by all his courtiers. On my entering tl^ 
 audience-chamber, I extolled, in the most modest 
 language that I was capable of expressing, the 
 great benignity which his Imp<.'rial Majesty had 
 shown me : whereupon he rose from his seat, and 
 asked me, what were the pleasure and present 
 wishes or intentions of the King of the Sun, the first 
 progenitor of his family ? As I found it necessary 
 to keep up the old error among the Quamites, I 
 answered him, that his Majesty, the King of the 
 Sun, had sent me down to this country, in order, by 
 the means of good laws and rules, to refine the 
 manners and improve the way of life of the unculti- 
 vated QuamiteSy and teach them the arts, by which 
 they would not only be able to resist their w arlike 
 neighbours, but also to extend the frontiers of their 
 empire: and added, that I was commanded to 
 remain here for a continuance. The Emperor found 
 much pleasure and satisfaction in this discourse. 
 
319 
 
 caused immediately a tent to be pitched for me close 
 to his own, gave me fifteen servants to attend upon 
 me, and treated me, not like a subject or dependant, 
 with a sovereign's authority, but as an intimate and 
 bosom-friend. 
 
320 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 BEGINNING OP THE FIFTH MONARCHY. 
 
 Thenceforth all my endeavours were used, to 
 introduce into this nation something like order ; 
 and I commenced by improving their military 
 service, in exercising the young recruits in riding, 
 fencing, the broad-sword exercise, and shooting. 
 
 Upon a heath, before the city-gates. 
 On foot, on horse, and eke in battle -cars. 
 In archery ; also to throw the spear. 
 The young men of the town were exercis'd. 
 
 In the beginning, I taught them chiefly how to 
 break and manage horses ; as I expected, merely 
 with the cavalry, to be able to keep the neighbours 
 in check. By means of uninterrupted attention and 
 diligence, I brought things so far, that, in a short 
 time, I displayed before the Emperor six thousand 
 
S2l 
 
 cavalry. As the Tanaquians were just tb^n pre- 
 paring to make a fresh attack, in consequence of the 
 annual tribute being withheld, the payment of which, 
 after several demands having been made, was at 
 length entirely refused, I advanced, according to 
 the Emperor's request, with my new cavalry, and a 
 party of infantry, to meet the enemy. I furnished 
 the infantry with javelins and bows and arrows, with 
 which they could contend against the Tanaquians 
 at some considerable distance ; for the Quamiies 
 had heretofore only made use of short swords or 
 daggers, and were, consequently, always worsted 
 in a grappling engagement with these dreadful 
 enemies, who, in physical strength, vvere so much 
 superior to them. I was appointed general comman- 
 dant, and on learning that the Tanaquians were 
 approaching the frontiers, I advanced immediately 
 against them. At the sight of this unexpected army, 
 they were struck with amazement, and halted for 
 some time to contemplate us ; on which I ordered 
 our troops to advance until we were near enough to 
 reach them with the javelins, when we immediately 
 commenced the attack, and on the first onset killed 
 a prodigious number. Their courage, however, was 
 by no means daunted, and they in turn rushed with 
 frantic impetuosity upon our infantry ; but the 
 cavalry at that instant fell upon their flanks, broke 
 their lines, and compelled them to seek their safety 
 
 Y 
 
S2^ 
 
 in an immediate flight; so that this attack decitlied' 
 tlie fate of the battle completely in our favour. The 
 enemy's loss in killed and wounded, on this 
 occasion, was enormous : the Tanaquitish general, 
 together with twenty other noble tigers, were taken 
 prisoners, and conducted in triumph to Quama, 
 
 The universal joy which this splendid victory 
 excited throughout the whole empire, is not to be 
 described; for the Quamites, in former wars, were 
 commonly necessitated to lay down their arms, and 
 supplicate for peace on tlie most disgraceful terms. 
 The Emperor gave orders that the prisoners, ac- 
 cording to an ancient custom, should immediately 
 be put to death ; but this I found to be too horrid, 
 and therefore advised their being cast into prison ; 
 considering that the Tanaquians, with whom we 
 were at that time neither at peace nor war, would 
 certainly remain entirely inactive until they saw 
 in what manner we should use their prisoners ; 
 besides I hinted, that I had need of this cessation 
 of hostilities, in order to execute some other plana 
 which I had then in my head. 
 
 I had remarked, that the country abounded in 
 saltpetre, of which I had already collected a con- 
 siderable quantity, for the purpose of making gun- 
 powder. This intention I kept, however, a secret 
 
323 
 
 from everybody excepting the Emperor, whose 
 permission 1 required to erect workshops for the 
 manufacture of muskets and other fire-arms. With 
 these weapons I hoped, within a short time, to 
 subdue all the enemies of the empire. When 
 I had finished a few hundreds of muskets, togetlier 
 with the necessary bullets, I made a public trial of 
 my invention, to the great astonishment of all who 
 witnessed it. A certain number of soldiers were 
 immediately selected for this kind of warfare, and 
 exercised in the management of fire-arms. When 
 they had attained to a considerable degree of per- 
 fection, they were reviewed by the Emperor, on 
 which occasion I was appointed to the rank oi Jackal^ 
 or generalissimo of all the forces. While this was 
 going forward, I had contracted an intimate friend- 
 ship with the brave leader of the Tanaquians, the 
 prisoner Tomopoloko, with whom I held frequent 
 conversations, in order to discover the condition, 
 character, and manners of his nation. I learned, 
 to my utter astonishment, that they were a wise, 
 prudent, intelligent, orderly, well-bred, and en- 
 lightened people ; and that they cultivated the arts 
 and sciences with much earnestness. He told me 
 that, in the East, there was a particularly warlike 
 nation, against whom the Tanaquians were obliged 
 always to hold themselves in a posture of defence. 
 True it was, that tlie inhabitants werci but small, 
 
 Y 2 
 
324 
 
 and in physical strength much weaker than those in 
 Tanaqui ; yet they possessed a superior acuteness, 
 and were well exercised in archery, and had fre- 
 quently compelled the Tanaquians to sue for peace. 
 I learned, shortly after, that this nation consisted 
 of cats, and had distinguished itself, among all the 
 people of the firmament, for its wise and subtle 
 polity and extraordinary judgment. It vexed me 
 not a little to think, that skill, knowledge, and fine 
 manners, were found in all animals in the subter- 
 raneous world, and that the human beings, namely, 
 the Qiuimites, were the only uncultivated barba- 
 rians. But I made myself easy in the hope that, 
 ^re long, this disgrace would be blotted out, and 
 that the Quamites would quickly regain that domi-^ 
 nion, which became them, as men, to maintain 
 over the brute creation. 
 
 After the last defeat, the Tanaquians remained 
 peaceable for a length of time ; but as they, by 
 means of spies, had ascertained the state and dis- 
 position of our new cavalry, and were aware that 
 these centaurs, which had struck such a terror into 
 them, were in reality nothing else than tamed 
 horses, with men upon their backs, they again took 
 courage, and equipped fresh troops to march against 
 the Quamites, led on by their own King in person. 
 Their army consisted of twenty thousand tigers, all 
 
old soldiers who were in the last engagement, 
 with the exception of two regiments, which had 
 been lately raised. But these warriors, who were 
 scraped together in such haste, wei'e more in name 
 than of service. Already sure of victory, they at; 
 once made an incursion into Quama. I ordered 
 twelve thousand infantry, among whom were six 
 hundred musqueteers, together with four thousand 
 cavalry, to advance immediately against them. As 
 1 entertained not the least doubt respecting a 
 fortunate result, I entreated the Emperor, in order 
 that he might reap all the honour of the victory, to 
 lead our soldiers. By this appearance of modesty, 
 I lost by no means any of ray own dignity or 
 reputation, for the army still looked upon me as 
 ,the real commander. I advised that the enemy 
 should not be immediately attacked with the fire- 
 arms, in order to see whether it was not possible 
 to gain the victory merely with the help of the 
 cavalry ; but this advice cost me dearly ; for the 
 Tanaquians made so impetuous an assault upon 
 our infantry, that they j)ut them directly to flight. 
 And on the other side, they resisted the attacks 
 of our cavalry with so much bravery, that the 
 victory remained for a length of time upon a 
 balance. A more obstinate battle, a more des- 
 perate and sanguinary conflict, was scarcely ever 
 witnessed — 
 
326 
 
 And long and donbtfnl was the bloody combat; 
 And ev'rywhere, on undetermin'd v\ing, 
 Between both armies, vict'ry seem'd to soar, 
 
 when I ordered the musqueteers at once to ad- 
 vance. At the first discharge, the Tanaquians 
 were filled with amazement ; for they could form 
 no conception of either what occasioned the thunder 
 and lightning, or whence they came ; but on per- 
 ceiving the dreadful effects that were produced by 
 them, they were all immediately overwhelmed with 
 fright. By the first volley, two hundred tigers fell, 
 among which were two chaplains, whom the balls 
 struck while they were speaking and cheering up 
 the drooping spirits of the soldiers, and inspiring 
 them with courage. Their loss occasioned uni- 
 versal sorrow, because they were considered the 
 two best and most eloquent preachers. When I 
 perceived the consternation of the enemy, I ordered 
 a second volley to be fired. By this discharge the 
 slaughter was still more considerable: the King 
 himself was shot. This bereaved the Tanaquians 
 of all hope, and they immediately took to their 
 heels ; the cavalry pursued, and sabred such an 
 immense number of the fugitives, that the dead 
 bodies which covered the field obstructed the victors 
 from marching any further. The conflict being 
 ended, our people counted the slain of the enemy, 
 and found thirteen thousand lying on tho field nf 
 
327 
 
 battle, who hml fallen partly in the engage nneni, 
 and partly in their flight. The victorious army then 
 advanced into the kingdom of Tariarpti, and, after 
 some days' march, pitched their camp before the 
 capital. Everybody was in the mean time seized 
 with terror.and overwhelmed with consternation to 
 such a degree, that the magistrates came in the 
 most submissive and suppliant manner to meet us, 
 and to the victors delivered over the keys of the 
 town, although it was, both by nature and art, 
 extraordinarily well fortified. Its great size, the 
 breadth of its streets, and magnificent buildings, 
 distinguished it as one of the most considerable and 
 illustrious cities I had ever seen. It appeared to 
 me extremely surprising, that the Quamites, wdio 
 were surrounded on all sides by such enlightened 
 nations, should have remained so long in the darkest 
 ignorance. But it must have been with them, 
 as is the case with certain European nations, who 
 never concern themselves about what takes place 
 abroad, who consider their own peculiar ways the 
 best, hold to their old wont, and remain for that 
 reason in the same common course to all eternity, 
 without ever advancing one single step further. 
 The Tanaquians began, from the time of this great 
 slaughter, a new chronology ; and as this decisive 
 battle was fought on the third of the month of Torul, 
 they reckoned the same among the unlucky days. 
 
328 
 
 In this month, the planet Nuzar^ whose course 
 round tlie sun determines the computation of time 
 and the seasons, is at its greatest elongation from 
 this part of the firmament. The whole firmament 
 moves, in like manner, also round the sun ; but as 
 the planet's motion is quicker, it appears larger and 
 smaller, according as it is nearer to tliis or the 
 opposite hemisphere. The astronomical calcula- 
 tions are made from the increase and decrease of 
 the planet Nazar^ and from the eclipses of the sun. 
 I once, by occasion, thumbed over, in a perfunctory 
 manner, some of the Tanaquitish almanacs, which 
 1 found particularly methodical and well finished. 
 
 As the capital had surrendered, the rest of the 
 country quickly followed its example. The con- 
 tempt in which the Quamites had hitherto been held 
 was now changed into respect, and the empire, 
 with the addition of this subjugated kingdom, be- 
 came nearly of double the importance tliat it was 
 before. As all this success was unanimously 
 ascribed to my skill, prudence, and activity, the 
 great veneration which they had already for too 
 long a time paid to me was now heightened into a 
 firm divine worship. When I had garrisoned all 
 the towns of this conquered country, in order to 
 keep this fierce and warlike people in subjection, I 
 then again thought seriously on executing the plan 
 
329 
 
 I had commcncod — to extirpate entirely the igno- 
 rance and barbarism in which the Quamites had 
 hitherto slept. In the beginning I experienced 
 great difficulties in introducing the sciences ; for 
 the Latin and the smattering of Greek which I had 
 learned in Europe, were not of the least advantage 
 to me here. I found myself, therefore, necessitated 
 to send for twelve erudite tigers from that hostile 
 country. These I appointed professors, and 
 charged them to establish a university, after the 
 model of the academies in their country ; and gave 
 orders, that the Tanaquitish royal library should 
 be removed to Quama. I proposed to myself, 
 m the mean time, as soon as the Quajniies had 
 made such proficiency in the sciences as to be 
 able to advance alone, to send these borrowed 
 teachers back to their home. 
 
 •My curiosity to be acquainted with the Tana- 
 quitish library was particularly excited by the 
 imprisoned general Tomopoloko, who informed 
 me, that among the manuscripts there was a book, 
 the author of which had been upon our globe, and 
 had given a description of several of its countries, 
 especially of those in Europe. The Tanaqnians 
 had become possessed of this manuscript at a 
 time when they were at war with a very remote 
 power ; but the author had concealed his name ; 
 
330 
 
 nor was it ever known what countryman lie was,, 
 or by what means he had ascended to the earth. 
 After having looked all the books through, I found 
 that everything with which Toinopoloko had made 
 me acquainted concerning this writing was true, 
 and, therefore, disclosed to him, in confidence, 
 my parentage and the name of my native country ; 
 assuring him, tliat on my arrival I had told the 
 Qiiamifes the same ; but this stupid people w^ould 
 not give credit to my words, being more inclined to 
 believe, that I was an envoy from the sun, and 
 that tlK'y still j^ersisted most pertinaciously in their 
 error. I added, that I considered it wrong to 
 retain any longer so vain a title and that 1 had at 
 length formed the resolution of disclosing, without 
 reserve, my true descent, by which candid and 
 ingenuous acknowledgment, I considered that I ran 
 no risk of losing the esteem in which I stood, 
 especially as I hoped tliat, on reading this manu- 
 scri|)t, all and every of them would be convinced of 
 how much the Europeans surpass all other mortals 
 in wisdom and virtue. But of this resolution of 
 mine this intelligent and experienced general 
 entirely disapproved ; and he expressed his opinion 
 upon the subject in the following words : — " It is 
 necessar\% enlightened and illustrious hero, that 
 you should first pemse the book ; you will then, 
 perhaps, after havijig read it, entertain other 
 
331 
 
 ttioughts ; for the author either romances, or the 
 Siipra-terraneans area foolish, whimsical, freakish, 
 hair-brained, fantastical, capricious, and conceited 
 people, whose manners and morals are corrupt, 
 vicious, and debauched, and whose laws and regu- 
 lations are more deserving of ridicule than of admi- 
 ration. When you have read the book, you can 
 then act as to you seems meet ; but I will neverthe- 
 less counsel you not io lay aside that title which 
 has inspired the Qucnnites with so high a veneration 
 for you, without mature consideration : for nothing 
 in the world is so well qualified to keep the com- 
 monalty in obedience, as a prepossession which 
 they have for the noble disposition and illustrious 
 diescent of their chief." 
 
 I followed this advice, and resolved on perusing 
 the book, as it was translated by Tomopoloko. The 
 original title of it was " Tinian^s (this name is con- 
 sidered fictitious) Supra-terraneous Travels ; or, a 
 Description of the Empires, Kingdoms, and CouU' 
 tries on the Earth, and particularly of those in 
 Europe^ But as the book, through use and old 
 age, was in a very dirty and tattered condition, 
 that part which I was the most curious to see, 
 namely, in what manner the author had ascended 
 to the earth, and how he had got down again, was 
 unfoi'tunatclv wanting:. 
 
332 
 
 ' The following are the contents of the work jn^ 
 as I found it : — » 
 
 " Fragments from Tinian^s Journal^ kept during 
 his Travels upon the Earth ; translated hi/ his 
 
 . Excellency Toinopoloko, General in the Service 
 of his Tcmaquitish Majesty. 
 
 # * * « This country (Germany) is called th6 
 Roman empire ; but this is merely an empty title, 
 for the Roman monarchy ceased entirely to exist 
 some hundreds of years ago. The language of 
 this country is not easy to be understood, in con^ 
 sequence of its inverted construction ; for that which 
 in other languages is placed in the beginning, is 
 here brought in at the end ; so that it is impossible 
 to get at the meaning of anything before you have 
 read down a whole page. Their form of govern- 
 ment is very absurd. They think they have a 
 Regent, when, in truth, they have none. It is said 
 to be one empire, and is, nevertheless, divided into 
 several different principalities, each having its own 
 form of government, so that one neighbour will 
 frequently make a formal declaration of, and carry 
 on, war against another. The whole country is 
 titled * holy,' although there is not the least trace 
 of holiness to be found in it. The Regent, or, more 
 correctly speaking, the ww-regent, who bears the 
 title of Emperor, is always styled, ' the Increaser 
 
333 
 
 ot" the Empiro,' although it not unfrequently 
 happens that he is the cause of its being much 
 lessened. He is also denominated * invincible,* 
 notwithstanding he is often beaten and thrown into 
 a complete dilemma, both by the French and by 
 the Turks. One has not ^ess reason to be asto- 
 nished at the privileges and liberties of the people ; 
 (or many have privileges, which they are prohi- 
 bited from using. Innumerable commentaries 
 liave been written, and are there to be found, on 
 the German constitution, but, notwithstanding, they 
 have not advanced it one single step further towards 
 perfection ; for * ^' '^ 
 
 '^ ^ # " The capital of this kingdom (France), 
 which is very large, is called Paris, and may, in 
 certain respects, be considered the capital of Europe ; 
 for it exercises a kind of legislative power over 
 all the other European nations. It possesses, for 
 example, the exclusive right of prescribing, nay, 
 even of dictating, in what manner they shall live, 
 and how they shall clothe themselves ; so that no 
 dress or fashion is so incommodious and ridiculous, 
 that the rest of Europe is not obliged to adopt, 
 provided the Parisians have thought proper to 
 introduce it. How or when the Parisians have 
 obtained possession of this right, I am quite igno- 
 q^x\i. I remarked, however, that this dominion 
 
334 
 
 did not extend to other things ; for several nations^ 
 in Europe are oft at war with France, and compel 
 her frequently to make peace on tolerably hard 
 terms; but the slavery in which they bold one 
 quarter of the globe, in regard to the manner of 
 living and the dress, continues, nevertheless, still 
 to exist. In volatile comprehension, eager desire 
 after all that is novel, and inventive fertility of mind, 
 the Parisians resemble much the Martinians. 
 
 ^*# "From Bologna we travelled to Rome. 
 This city is subject to a priest, whom they style 
 ' His Holiness the Pope^ and who is considered the 
 most potent of all emperors, kings, and princes in 
 Europe, notwithstanding a person might be able to 
 travel from one side to the other of his state, in the 
 course of an afternoon. For unlike the other princes, 
 who only rule over the lives and property of their 
 subjects, he can at once doom their souls to eternal 
 destruction. The Europeans in general believe, that 
 this priest has the keys of heaven in his keeping. I 
 was exceedingly curious to get a sight of them ; but 
 all my trouble w^as to no purpose, and I am still 
 ignorant both of their appearance and of the shrine in 
 which they are deposited. The power which he has 
 and exercises, not only over his own subjects, but 
 over the whole human race, consists principally in his 
 being able to absolve those whom God condemns. 
 
335 
 
 und to oondomii those whom God absolves : a truly 
 prodigious autliovity, wliich, our Subterraneans are 
 ready to allirni upon oath was never delegated to 
 mortal man. But it is an easy matter to palm any- 
 thing upon the Europeans, and to induce them to 
 believe the most absurd and monstrous fictions, 
 notwithstanding tlK^y consider themselves so ex- 
 ceedingly wise and clever, and, inflated with this 
 conceit, they look down upon all other people, 
 whose manners they term barbarous, with the 
 greatest disdain. I will in no wise attempt to 
 defend our subterranean manners, customs, and 
 regulations ; but will merely quote some of those 
 of the Europeans, in order to show what little right 
 they have to arrogate to themselves a superiority 
 over all other nations. 
 
 " It is a custom, in many places in Europe, to 
 bestrew the hair and clothes with ground and sifted 
 corn, which nature has produced for the food of man. 
 This meal is called poiccler^ which at night with 
 great pains is combed out of the hair, in order that 
 it may be ready to receive a fresh sprinkling on tlui 
 following morning. Another custom, which ap- 
 jieared to me not less ridiculous, was this; — they 
 have a certain covering or hat for their heads, to 
 protect them from the cold ; but these they generally 
 carry under their arms, even in the d(7»tli of winter 
 
S3G 
 
 — which struck me as being just as absurd as for a 
 person to go through the streets with his coat or 
 his breeches in his hand, exposing that part of the 
 body which ought to be covered, to the inclemency 
 of the weather. 
 
 " The religious doctrines of the Europeans are 
 admirable and accordant with sound reason. In 
 the books which contain what they shall believe 
 and do, it is commanded that they shall be con- 
 stantly and sedulously read, in order to find out 
 their true meaning ; and these writings enjoin in- 
 dulgence and forbearance with the weak and de- 
 luded. Nevertheless, he who gives an interpretation 
 differing from that of the great mass of people, of 
 the contents of these books, is immediately cast into 
 prison, scourged, and even sometimes burnt, for 
 his want of judgment. This seemed to me very 
 similar to flogging a man at the cart's tail because 
 his visual organs were imperfect, and caused that 
 which other people found to be square, appear to 
 him completely round. I was informed that, on 
 this account, some thousands of human beings had 
 been beheaded, hanged, and burnt. 
 
 " In most of the towns and villages there are 
 certain persons who stand upon elevated places, and 
 inveigh with great austerity against sins in others, 
 
337 
 
 which they themselves are daily committing ; which 
 seemed to me the same as hearing an intoxicated 
 man preach against drunkenness. 
 
 " He who happens to be awry, humpbacked, or 
 to have a halt, on his coming into the world, solicits 
 for the title of high-born, or your Lordship ; and he 
 •who is of low extraction, is desirous of being styled 
 right-noble. Both parties, in my opinion, are as 
 preposterous as if a dwarf wished, to be thought a 
 giant, and an old man a young fellow. 
 
 ** In the large towns, it is almost everywhere the 
 fashion for great people to invite their friends, im- 
 mediately after dinner, to take some black soup, 
 prepared from burnt beans, which is vulgarly called 
 coffee. To the places where this soup is to be 
 taken, they are drawn in a box upon four wheels, 
 by two very strong and wild animals ; for the Euro- 
 peans consider it extremely indecent to pass through 
 the streets on foot. 
 
 " On the first day of the year, the Europeans are 
 attacked by a certain disorder, which is entirely un- 
 known to the Subterraneans. The symptoms of it 
 are a particular disquiet of the mind and agitation in 
 the head, which are often so violent as not to allow 
 a person on that day to remain five minutes together 
 
 z 
 
338 
 
 in one place. They run like mcitlmen from house 
 to house, without knowing themselves why or 
 wherefore. This sickness will last with many as 
 much as a fortnight ; when, being at length weary 
 with an incessant running about, they again recover 
 their reason, and are restored to their former health. 
 
 ** As the Europeans are alflicted with a number 
 of diseases of the mind, an infinite number of reme- 
 dies has been found out. Some are attacked by a 
 delirious j)ropensity to walk in such a manner 
 through the streets, that their left side is always 
 turned towards the right side of those whom they 
 meet. The further one travels to the north, the 
 more violent is the disease ; from which it is very 
 evident, that it is occasioned by the keenness of the 
 air. The medicament consists in certain stamped 
 leaves with some characters upon them. When 
 the sick persons wear these talismen about them, 
 they gradually recover. Another species of mad- 
 ness is cured by the ringing of small bells, which 
 settles the mind again in quiet : but the effect of 
 this remedy is only transitory ; for after the lapse 
 of two hours the disease returns with a twofold 
 violence. 
 
 " In France^ Italy ^ and Spain, the people, during 
 the space of some weeks in the winter, entirely 
 
339 
 
 lose their wits. This madness is cured by strewing 
 ashes upon the foreheads of the maniacs. In the 
 northern part of Europe, where these ashes possess 
 no virtue, nature is obliged to take its course. 
 
 " Most of the Europeans have a custom, three 
 or four times every year, in the presence of wit- 
 nesses, of entering into a certain solemn covenant 
 with God, which they violate immediately after. 
 This covenant is called cornmimion ; and it would 
 seem that they enter into it merely to show, that it 
 is a custom with them three or four times in the 
 year to break their vows. When they confess their 
 sins and implore God's mercy, it commonly takes 
 place according to measure and in certain melodies. 
 Sometimes they have recourse to the assistance of 
 fifes, drums, and trumpets: all those sins, the 
 punishment for which they are desirous of depre- 
 cating with music, are enormous indeed. 
 
 " Almost all the nations in Europe are bound to 
 believe and acknowledge the doctrines contained in 
 a certain sacred book. But in the southern countries, 
 the reading of this book is entirely forbidden ; so that 
 the people are constrained to believe that which 
 they neither dare read nor look into without the fear 
 of being punished. In the same regions it is also 
 most rigidly forbidden to worship and reverence 
 
 z2 
 
340 
 
 the Almighty, excepting in a tongue with which 
 they are completely unacquainted ; so that those 
 prayers only are considered lawful and pleasing to 
 God, which are repeated by persons who know not 
 themselves what they are saying. 
 
 " In all large cities, those whom they promote to 
 posts of honour and dignity are paralytic ; so that 
 they, like sick ])eople, are carried through the streets 
 in shut-up boxes. 
 
 " Most of the Europeans have their own hair shaved 
 oft', and cover their bald pates again with foreign. 
 
 " The learned controversies, which generally 
 occupy the European Academies, consist in the 
 examination of things, the discovery of which is 
 either of no utility whatsoever, or whose nature it 
 is impossible for the human understanding to com- 
 prehend. 
 
 " The most learned subjects which the Euro- 
 peans expose to consideration, relate to a few old 
 boots, shoes, slippers, necklaces, and cloaks, that 
 belong to a nation which has long been extinct. In 
 the sciences, as well ecclesiastical as secular, no 
 one judges for himself, but merely subscribes to 
 ihe judgment of another. They tell us, that they 
 
341 
 
 believe him, whom, in all things, they know to be 
 the wisest : against this I have not the least ob- 
 jection, if raw and ignorant people are capable of 
 knowing anything about the matter. But to de- 
 cide who is wise, and who is not, requires a person 
 to be wise himself. 
 
 " In the large towns and villages in the southern 
 countries, a number of cakes, or wafers, are carried 
 about, which the priests give out for gods ; and 
 the most wonderful and astonishing is, that the 
 bakers themselves, notwithstanding the dough of 
 which they are made is still sticking to their fingers, 
 affirm, upon oath, that these cakes have created 
 both heaven and earth. 
 
 ** The English prefer their liberty to everything 
 else; and none are in this nation slaves, with the 
 exception of the married women. In matters of 
 religion, they reject to-day that which they pro- 
 fessed yesterday. This changeableness I attributed 
 to the situation and climate of the country ; for as 
 they are islanders and seamen, their fluctuating 
 element has, in all probability, some effect upon 
 their minds. They are incessantly inquiring after 
 each other's health, so that a stranger might easily 
 take them all to be physicians ; but the question-^ 
 How do you do ? is a mere phrase — a simple sound 
 
342 
 
 without the least signification. The inhabitants 
 of this island file, point, and sharpen, their under- 
 standing and imaginative faculty to such a degree, 
 that numbers of them in the end will not unfre- 
 quently lose their senses altogether. 
 
 ** There is situated, towards the north, a republic 
 consisting of seven provinces. These are called 
 United^ notwithstanding there is not the least trace 
 of union or harmony to be found among them. 
 The lower order of people boasts here of its power, 
 and maintain that they direct in the administration 
 of the affairs of state ; although there is no country 
 in the world in which the commonalty is more 
 excluded from public offices than in this, where the 
 government is in the hands of but a very few 
 families. 
 
 " The inhabitants of this state, with anxious and 
 indefatigable diligence, scrape together immense 
 riches, which they, however, are afraid to enjoy ; so 
 that their purses are always full, and their stomachs 
 always empty. A person might almost imagine 
 that they lived upon smoke, which they are con- 
 tinually sucking in through certain reeds or clay- 
 pipes. We must nevertheless allow that these 
 people surpass all others in cleanliness ; for they 
 wash everything, with the exception of their hands. 
 
343 
 
 " In divers large and small towns in the north 
 of Europe, the watchmen patrol the streets during 
 the night, and in a singing, or rather a bellowing 
 or braying, tone, every hour wish the inhabitants a 
 good repose ; on which occasions, if they were sunk 
 almost in the eternal sleep of death, these guar- 
 dians of the night would be sure each time to awake 
 them. 
 
 " Every country has its laws and customs, which 
 are, for the most part, entirely opposed to each other. 
 Thus, for example, according to law, the wife must 
 obey her husband ; but, according to custom, the 
 husband is obedient to the wife. 
 
 ** In Europe, those persons are objects of the high- 
 est esteem and respect, who live in so prodigal and 
 extravagant a manner, that they not only devour all 
 the produce of the country, but even the country 
 itself; and no condition of man is so much despised 
 as that which cultivates the earth to feed and 
 nourish these gluttons or gormandizers. 
 
 ** To what depth the Europeans are sunk in vice, 
 the many gallowses and places of execution which 
 are everywhere observable will greatly assist in 
 drawing a conclusion. Every town has its own 
 hangman. England must, however, altogether be 
 
344 
 
 excepted ; where I believe there are no hangmen, 
 as the inhabitants of this country most commonly 
 hang themselves. 
 
 ** I entertain a strong suspicion that the Euro- 
 peans are cannibals ; for they shut up whole mul- 
 titudes of fresh and hale young fellows in certain 
 enclosures, tliat are called cloisters, for the purpose 
 of making them plump, sleek, and fat ; which seldom 
 fails to have the desired effect, as they are exempt 
 from every kind of labour, and have nothing else 
 to care for, in these gardens of pleasure, but the 
 indulging and pcinipering themselves. 
 
 '* The Europeans commonly drink water every 
 morning in order to cool their stomachs ; but 
 scarcely have tliey, by this means, quenched the 
 flame, than they have immediate recourse to the 
 brandybottle, for the purpose of warming them again. 
 
 " The religion in Europe is divided into two princi- 
 pal sects — the Roman-Catholic, and tlie Protestant. | 
 Some Protestants worship , only one God, and the I 
 generality but three: the Catholics numberless ; for " 
 they have as many gods and goddesses as they 
 have towns and villages. All these gods and 
 goddesses are created by the Pope, or high-priest I 
 of Rome ; and the Pope himself is always created f 
 
345 
 
 by certain priests, or cardinals, as they are called* 
 From this may be seen with what power these 
 cardinals are invested, since they are able to create 
 the creators of gods. 
 
 " The ancient inhabitants of Italy subdued the 
 whole world, and yielded to their wives ; the pre- 
 sent inhabitants, on the contrary, ill use their 
 wives, and yield to the whole world. 
 
 " The animals in Europe are divided into two 
 classes — those which live on the land, and those 
 which are aquatic. There are some, however, 
 that are termed amphibious, and are able to exist 
 in both elements. For example : frogs, porpoises, 
 and Dutchmen ; for these are inhabitants of 
 morasses, 
 
 ' And live as well in water as on land/ 
 
 " The Europeans eat the same sort of food as 
 ourselves. The Spaniards alone live entirely upon 
 air. 
 
 " Trade flourishes everywhere in Europe ; and 
 many things are there sold which we never think 
 of dealing in. For instance: in Rome, seats in 
 heaven are sold ; in Switzerland, they sell them- 
 
346 
 
 selves; and in #***, the crown, sceptre, and 
 regalia, are all put up to public auction. 
 
 " Indolence is, in Spain, a sure sign of a well-bred 
 man ; thus, nothing is a greater proof of genuine 
 nobility than sleep. 
 
 ** Those people are everywhere denominated 
 orthodox who know not what they believe, and 
 who are unwilling to give themselves the trouble of 
 examining into what they hear. There are many, 
 who, merely on account of this negligence and 
 thoughtless indolence, are introduced among the 
 number of the saints ; while they, on the contrary, 
 who are solicitous about their eternal destiny, and 
 who dive deeply into, and weigh, and investigate, 
 and scrutinize, all things appertaining to religion, 
 are, for the least swerving from the ruling opinion, 
 condemned to all eternity. 
 
 " The Europeans, in general, believe that ever- 
 lasting bliss, or eternal damnation, is not tlie 
 consequence of men's actions during their lives, or 
 the performance or negligence of their duties, but 
 depends entirely on the place in which they were 
 bom; for they all conceive, that had they been born 
 in another country, and of other parents, tliey 
 would have had a quite different belief. They 
 
^47 
 
 appear, therefore, not to condemn people so much on 
 account of their exercising this or that religion, as 
 because they happened to be born in this or that 
 place ; which I can by no means find to be con- 
 sonant with the justice and goodness of the Divine 
 Creator. 
 
 ** Among their authors, those are in the highest 
 repute and esteem, who distort and invert the na- 
 tural order of style, and render that, which in 
 itself was clear and perspicuous, completely obscure 
 and wholly unintelligible. These writers are de- 
 nominated ' Poets,' and their transposition of words 
 is called ' Poetry.' This is, however, far from being 
 sufficient to form a genuine and legitimate poet; 
 for it is highly essential that he should at the same 
 time be capable of lying most abominably. For 
 this reason a certain old fellow of the name of 
 Homer, who proved himself master of both the 
 requisites, is there worshipped with an almost 
 divine adoration. Numbers endeavour to imitate 
 his transposition of order and falsification of truth ; 
 but none, as I was informed, could at all attain to 
 his perfection. 
 
 " The cultivators of literature purchase books in 
 great abundance ; not so much, however, for their 
 contents, as on account of their elegant binding 
 
348 
 
 and large size. The booksellers, who know how 
 to profit by this book-parade, have the trick of re- 
 printing wretched and common works in a new size, 
 with a different type, and illustrated at the same 
 time with numerous plates, which, when bound in 
 an elegant manner, are sure of a rapid sale at a 
 price of more than double their value. It must 
 here be remarked, that the sciences form there a 
 branch of commerce, and that philosophers and 
 other authors are reckoned among the most respect- 
 able merchants. Simpletons commonly write more 
 books than any other persons, as if they were afraid 
 that the fame of their stupidity would not otherwise 
 be handed down to posterity. 
 
 " The academies in Europe greatly resemble so 
 many commercial Exchanges, where degrees, pro- 
 motions, dignities, and such-like scientific merchan- 
 dize are sold at moderate and reasonable prices ; 
 and which liere, in the subterraneous w^orld, are 
 not obtained without much labour and fatigue, and 
 many years', both night and day, regular and close 
 application to study. Those are styled Doctors, 
 who have attained the highest pitch of human learn- 
 ing ; or, as the Europeans term it, who have reached 
 the summit of Mount Parnassus, which is the abode 
 of nine young virgins. Next to them follow the 
 Magistri, who purchase their learned titles at a 
 
349 
 
 lower rate, and are, therefore, considered a good 
 deal less omniscient. From this it may be seen 
 how much benevolence and complaisance prevail in 
 the supra-terranean Universities in favour of man- 
 kind, where the road to learning is made so easy 
 and commodious. The northern academies are in 
 this respect a little more particular, as they never 
 confer either honours or dignities without a previous 
 examination. 
 
 " The learned and illiterate are distinguished 
 from each other by a difference in dress and man- 
 ners ; but more especially by a difference in religion. 
 The first, for the most part, believe in only one 
 God : the others, on the contrary, worship a plu- 
 rality of gods and goddesses. The principal 
 deities of the learned are Apollo, Minerva, the 
 nine Muses, and some other lesser whole or half 
 gods, whom the poets invoke when they are seized 
 with a fit of raving. The learned are divided, 
 according to their various studies, into different 
 classes, as philosophers, poets, grammarians, meta- 
 physicians, and so forth. 
 
 " A Philosopher is a scientific shopkeeper, who, 
 at a certain fixed price, sells prescripts for self- 
 denials, temperance, moderation, and poverty ; and 
 preaches so long against riches, that he becomes 
 
350 
 
 rich hiraself. The father of the philosophers is one 
 Se7ieca, who, through pursuing this line of conduct, 
 amassed a princely fortune. 
 
 " A Poet is a man who makes an ostentation 
 with printed nonsense, falsehoods, and extrava- 
 gant effusions of a disordered brain. Delirium is 
 therefore a strong characteristic of a truly sublime 
 poet. All w ho express their ideas with perspicuity 
 and simplicity are deemed unworthy of the laurel- 
 wreath. 
 
 " The Grammarians compose a kind of military 
 state, which disturbs the public tranquillity. They 
 are distinguished from all other warriors by their 
 particular uniforms, which, instead of being of divers 
 colours, are all black ; and instead of a sword, their 
 weapon is a pen. These heroes fight with as much 
 obstinacy about a letter or a word, as those in 
 xioloured uniforms do for country and liberty. I am 
 inclined to believe, that the governments maintain 
 this class of people for the sole purpose of prevent- 
 ing mankind, during a time of peace, from getting 
 diseased through the enjoyment of too much tran- 
 quillity. Sometimes, however, when these learned 
 wai'iiors carry things to such a pitch as to threaten 
 with an effusion of blood, the magistracy is obliged 
 to interpose its authority ; which^ as I heard, was 
 
351 
 
 the case some time previous in Paris, where the 
 Supreme Council, in consequence of the controversy 
 between the Doctors respecting Q and K assum- 
 ing so serious an aspect, was at length compelled 
 to issue a decree permitting both these letters to 
 be used. 
 
 " A Naturalist is a person who searches into the 
 bowels of the earth ; who closely examines the 
 nature of the biped, quadruped, and polyped ani- 
 mals, worms, and insects ; and who, in short, 
 knows everything but himself. 
 
 " A Metaphysician alone perceives that which is 
 concealed from every other person ; he knows, 
 describes, and unfolds, the true essence of ghosts 
 and of the soul, as well as all that is, and all 
 that is not ; but who, because of his too quick 
 sight, is not able to discern anything that lies imme- 
 diately before him. 
 
 " Such is the state of the republic of letters in 
 Europe. I could quote many more absurdities ; 
 but these will suffice to give the reader an idea of 
 the principal ones, from which he will be enabled 
 to judge how far the Europeans have a right to 
 consider themselves the only sages in existence. 
 We must, hovqsver, allow that the supra-terranean 
 
352 
 
 Doctors and Magistri have a much greater facility 
 in acquiring a superior education, than our subter- 
 raneous literati ; for there are professors of lan- 
 guages and sciences, who not only teach that which 
 they themselves have learned, but also that whereof 
 they have not the slightest knowledge. We find 
 it a difficult matter enough, by any means, to instil 
 intu the minds of others what we ourselves know ; 
 but to teach them that in which we are totally 
 unskilled, we can scarcely form the least conception 
 of. There are many among the European literati 
 who ardently cultivate both theology and pliiloso[)hy. 
 As ])hilos()phers, they doubt <jf all things ; and, as 
 theologians, they bi'lieve in all tliat ia said shall 
 come to pass. The Europeans are animated with 
 the same desire for study as we Subterraneans ; 
 but become learned in a much shorter period. For 
 this advantage they are indebted to a certain magi- 
 cal invention (literary j(jurnals, catalogues, diction- 
 aries, encycloptcdia?, &c.), with the help of which 
 they are enabled to read at least fifty books in the 
 course of an afternoon. 
 
 " The Supra-terraneans are exceediniily devout, 
 and particularly fer\ent in their prayers. They do 
 not, however, in the latter case, conform and yield 
 to the impulse and emotion of the soul, but regu- 
 late themselves after the ringing of bells, clocks, 
 
353 
 
 and sun-dials ; so that their devotion is perfectly 
 mechanical, and is determined more by outward 
 signs, old habits and customs, and certain hours, 
 tlian by any inward feelings. How unceasing they 
 are in their prayers and invocations, a person will 
 easily conclude, when informed that the greatest 
 part of them, while engaged in scouring the house, 
 splitting fire-wood, or performing any other handi- 
 work, are continually singing psalms and divine 
 hymns. 
 
 "On my arrival in Italy, I looked upon myself 
 as the lord of the whole country ; for every one 
 whom I met called himself my slave. I took it 
 once into my head to put this submissive obedience 
 to the test, and commanded my landlord to accom- 
 modate me with his wife for a night ; but at this 
 he became exasperated to an extraordinary degree, 
 and ordered me to pack up immediately and quit 
 his house: as I, however, rather .delayed yielding 
 to his mandate, he made no ceremony, but kicked 
 me, bag and baggage, into the street. 
 
 " In the North, the inhabitants are extremely 
 desirous of obtaining titles of offices which are 
 not in existence ; and all are so eager to pass on 
 the right side, that they seem to fall but little short 
 
 A A 
 
354 
 of having completely lost their wits. Moreover 
 
 My patience was now exhausted : and I was so 
 inflamed with rage, that I threw the book away ; 
 assuring TomopolokOy who was present at the time, 
 that it was nothing but a fiction, a downright fabri- 
 cation, of some unreasonable, morose, and splene- 
 tic scribbler. But when the first heat of my pas- 
 sion had abated, I began to judge more mildly of 
 these historical travels ; particularly on perceiving 
 that the author, although both unjust and unrea- 
 sonable in most of his pieces, had still not always 
 swerv^ed entirely from the truth ; but had in many 
 respects hit the point to a tittle. I now determined 
 on following the advice of Tomopolokoy and cherish- 
 ing carefully the erroneous supposition formed by 
 the Qiiaytiiles in regard to my birth ; as I found it 
 more advisable, for the execution of my plans, to 
 pass for an extraordinary^ envoy from the sun, than 
 a mere simple European townsman. 
 
 As all the neighbours had now for a length of 
 time remained in a state of perfect tranquillity, and 
 1 in the mean-4;vhile had availed myself of the ad- 
 vantageous peace, to regulate the state according to 
 my wisheg, we suddenly received infcuroation, that 
 
355 
 
 tliree of the most powerful nations, namely, the 
 Arcionians^ Kispusians, and Alectorians, had 
 formed an alliance against the Quamites. The first 
 consisted of Mcars, — a very hardy and warlike 
 nation, who were endowed with reason and the 
 power of speech. The Kispusians were all Cats 
 of an extraordinary size, and for their subtlety and 
 judgment universally renowned ; and who, not so 
 much by physical strength, as by crafty inventions, 
 finesse, and stratagems, had constantly borne up 
 against their most powerful enemies. The Alec- 
 torians, from their being able to fight as well in the 
 air as upon the earth, were extremely formidable 
 to cope with. They were Cocks^ armed with bows 
 and poisoned arrows, which seldom missed, and 
 which inflicted mortal wounds. 
 
 These three nations were enraged at the extraor- 
 dinary success of the Quamites, and the overthrow 
 of the Tanaquians. In order to put a stop to the 
 Quamitish power, which appeared to them to exceed 
 all bounds, they entered into this common alliance ; 
 but before they published any declaration of war, 
 they dispatched envoys to Qtmma^ who demanded 
 the freedom of the Tanaquians, and declared war 
 in a formal manner against the Emperor, in case 
 the same were refused. By my advice, they were 
 dismissed with the following answer : — " As the 
 
 Aa2 
 
356 
 
 Tanaquians, who were violators of peace and alli- 
 ance, had deserved the misery and wretchedness 
 into which their own folly and haughtiness had 
 precipitated them, his Majesty the Emperor of 
 Quajna had determined, with all his might, to de- 
 fend to tlie utmost those possessions he had won 
 in lawful war, against every assailant, without the 
 least fear either of the alliance of these nations 
 or the menaces of any other power." When we 
 had sent away the envoys with the above answer, 
 we immediately made every preparation for the 
 approaching war. Within a short time we had 
 an army on foot consisting of forty thousand men, 
 among whom eight thousand were cavalry and two 
 thousand musqueteers. The Emperor, although 
 very old and decrepit, resolved to make the cam- 
 paign with us in person ; and was so incited by a 
 desire for honour, that neither the representations 
 nor persuasions of his wife, his children, or my- 
 self, could prevail upon him to abandon his inflexible 
 purpose. That which in this state of things caused 
 me the most uneasiness, were the doubts and 
 suspicion I entertained respecting the Tanaquians, 
 who, impatient for their freedom, would, I feared, 
 seize the first opportunity to throw off the yoke and 
 go over to the enemy. As I had surmised, so it 
 turned out ; for no sooner had the declaration of 
 war been made, than it came to our knowledge, 
 
357 
 
 that twelve thousand fully equipped Tanaquians 
 were gone over to the hostile army ; so that we 
 had at once to contend with four powerful enemies. 
 
 In the beginning of the month oi Kilian, after 
 providing our army with every necessary, I ordered 
 it to break up. Upon our march we were met by 
 our spies, who communicated to us the intelligence, 
 that the allied troops had already made an irruption 
 into Taiiaqui^ and laid siege to, and attacked, the 
 fortress Sihoh upon the borders of Kispusia, with 
 such impetuosity, that the commandant was upon 
 the point of surrendering. But as soon as they 
 perceived our arrival, they raised the siege and ad- 
 vanced against us. The action was fought in a 
 valley, not far from the besieged fortress ; in con- 
 sequence of which, from that day to this, it has 
 always been called the battle of Sibol. The Arc- 
 tonians^ who formed the left wing of the hostile 
 army, attacked our cavalry, and made among them 
 a dreadful slaughter ; and as this attack was sup- 
 ported by the revolted Tanaquians^ it seemed al- 
 most as if it were nearly over with us : but the 
 musqueteers advanced to the succour of the cavalry, 
 and by two well-directed volleys, completely over- 
 threw the hostile ranks ; causing the action to as- 
 sume a very different appearance, and forcing the 
 lately almost victorious enemy by degrees to give. 
 
358 
 
 way, until at length he saw liiniself necessitated 
 to liave recourse to a disastrous flight. While this 
 was taking place, the KispusianSy on the other 
 side, put our infantry completely to a nonplus. 
 They let fly their arrows with so much dexterity 
 and effect, that in a short time six hundred Qua- 
 mites were put hors de combat, being mortally 
 wounded or killed. Although our cavalry, with 
 the aid of the musqueteers, compelled the enemy to 
 betake himself to flight, yet it was conducted in 
 such a manner, that the ranks maintained their 
 order, and appeared rather to retreat than to fly ; 
 which might be ascribed to the skill and experience 
 of their commander, Monso?uus, who, at that time, 
 in militaiy tactics, claimed the palm from all the 
 subterranean generals. There still remained the 
 Aleclorians, who were the most difficult to van- 
 quish ; for, whenever our musqueteers took aim at 
 them, they soared into the air, and discharged their 
 arrows down upon our heads with so much effect, 
 that very few of our men who fell were able to 
 rise again. They always hit their mark ; for it is 
 much surer and easier to shoot from above, than 
 from below ; but our shot, on the contrary, by rea- 
 son of the continual fluttering and motion of the 
 *»nemy, mostly missed. In the midst of the hottest 
 part of the conflict, our Emperor, while riding 
 about and cheering the soldiers where tlie danger 
 
359 
 
 was the greatest, was unfoituiiately struck in the 
 neck by a poisoned arrow ; and after having con- 
 tended against the enemy vvith the courage of a 
 lion, fell from his horse, mortally wounded. He 
 was immediately borne from the action into his 
 tent, where very shortly after lie yielded up the 
 ghost. In this state of uncertainty and doubt, 1 
 considered it the most advisable to impose silence 
 upon all who had witnessed the melancholy event, 
 in order that the combatants might not lose courage 
 at the news of their Emperor's death. I went, 
 therefore, immediately among them, and bade them 
 be of good cheer ; telling them that their sovereign 
 had only fainted in consequence of the violence of 
 the blow, and that the wound was not deep nor 
 dangerous. As, through this artifice, the greatest 
 number of the army remained ignorant of what had 
 befallen the Emperor, the battle continued till mid- 
 night ; when the Alectorians, exhausted with labour 
 and covered with wounds, retreated to their camp ; 
 and on the morrow an armistice was signed for 
 several days between the belligerents, for the purpose 
 of burying the dead. I now found that I must 
 have recourse to some new stratagem, in order to 
 subdue these formidable winged enemies ; and, 
 therefore, during the armistice, I ordered the mus- 
 ket-balls to be cast over again into small shot. 
 This expedient proved of the greatest utility ; for 
 
360 
 
 the Alecloriuns, in the next engagement, were, 
 by means of our showers of hail, quickly brought 
 down headlong from their aerial position, and in 
 this manner one half of their army was slain. The 
 rest immediately laid down their arms, and in the 
 most submissive manner supplicated for peace. 
 The Arctonians and Kispusians followed their ex- 
 ample, and surrendered themselves, together with 
 their arms and all their fortresses, into our hands. 
 
 As all these affairs were now fortunately brought 
 tu a conclusion, 
 
 1 assembled the chiefs ol the people, the elders, 
 Aud heads of the troops, all in council together, 
 And while to me they N^ith attention listened, 
 The following discourse I to them addressed '• — 
 
 ** Noble, valiant, and renowned warriors ! 1 
 doubt not of its being well known to most of you, 
 with what anxiety and concern I dissuaded his 
 Majesty, the Emperor, from risking his valuable 
 life in this campaign. But his innate bravery and 
 liiartial courage, his heroic and intrepid spirit, did 
 Jiot suffer him tu remain at home in quiet, while we 
 were venturing our lives against his mortal enemies. 
 Verily, this is the only request that his Imperial 
 Majesty has at any time refused to grant me. O I 
 
361 
 
 that his Majesty had been more scrupulous about 
 other matters, and had condescended to yield to 
 this ! we should not then have found ourselves in 
 this unfortunate situation, into vv^hich his unexpected 
 death has plunged us ; but our entry into the im- 
 perial capital would have been triumphal, and our 
 joy, and that of the whole nation, for so many 
 glorious achievements, would have been perfect, 
 — unmixed with grief and tormenting affliction ! I 
 neither can nor ought to conceal any longer the 
 lamentable and melancholy event, which has given 
 each of us a deeper wound than all the arrows of 
 the enemy put together could have inflicted. Know, 
 then, that your Emperor, in the hottest of the con- 
 flict, when he was contending against the enemy 
 with that bravery and courage which were peculiar 
 to himself, was struck by an unlucky arrow, and 
 shortly after expired. Most shocking and heart- 
 rending event ! what sorrow, what universal grief, 
 will the loss of this prince spread through the 
 Empire! let not your courage, however, entirely 
 sink ! the illustrious hero has ceased to die ; but 
 not to live. Your Emperor is not dead to you I he 
 again lives in two young princes, his sons, the very 
 images of their excellent father, and no less the 
 inheritors of his virtues than of his Empire. You 
 have not changed your Emperor, but only the name : 
 and as Prince Tiinuso, the first born, will be 
 
362 
 
 invested with the imperial dignity, and receive liis 
 father's crown, I shall henceforth consider myself 
 as General under his sceptre. Long live Timuso! 
 to him we will all do every homage I to him we 
 will swear eternal fidelity ! and him, from this day 
 forward, we will honour and obey." 
 
363 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 THE AUTHOR IS ELECTED MONARCH IN THE SUBTERRANEOUS 
 
 REGIONS. 
 
 When I had concluded my discourse, they all 
 cried out with a loud voice — ^^ Pikilsu shall be oui- 
 Emperor V^ On hearing them pronounce these 
 words, I was completely overwhelmed with con- 
 sternation, and begged of them, with tears in my 
 eyes, not to forget the fidelity and allegiance which 
 they owed to the Imperial family, nor the benefits 
 which the deceased monarch had conferred upon 
 each of them in particular, and upon all in general ; 
 as, through such ingratitude, they would aflSx 
 a stain on the character of the nation, wljich 
 would for ever remain indelible. I added, that 1 
 was nevertheless willing, as a private individual, 
 still to render them all the service in my power, if 
 
364 
 
 they considered my feeble efforts could in any 
 degree tend to their advantage. But my words 
 were of no avail — 
 
 They only served to heat their ardour more, 
 And tor Pihilsu make them louder roar. 
 
 Indeed, the shouts of the soldiers, mingled with the 
 cries of their officers, made the whole camp several 
 times resound with the above named word. I 
 covered my head, withdrew from the place, and 
 repaired to my own tent, ordering the sentinel not 
 to permit any person whatever to enter ; for 
 I lioped that the soldiers, as soon as the first 
 ardour of their zeal had abated, would be of a 
 different way of thinking. But the officers and 
 men crowded into the tent by force, and placed the 
 crown upon my head, in spite of every resistance 
 that I made to prevent them. They then conducted 
 me out, and, under the sound of kettle-drums and 
 trumpets, proclaimed me Empero7' of Quama, 
 King of Tanaqui, Arctonia^ and Alectoria^ and 
 Grand Duke of Kispusia. When I perceived 
 that things were not likely to be altered, I no 
 longer opposed my own good fortune : and I must 
 acknowledge, that this high degree of dignity wasr 
 by no means repugnant to my feelings ; for an 
 Empire, with three kingdoms and a grand dukedom. 
 
=365 
 
 were allurements that might have led any other 
 person into temptation. I sent deputies imme- 
 diately to the Prince, acquainting him with what 
 had taken place, and advising him that he should 
 strenuously maintain that right to which his birth 
 entitled him, by declaring this unlawful election as 
 null and void ; but I determined within myself, at 
 the same time, not to give up an empire so readily, 
 the government of which had been voluntarily 
 offered to me. In reality, I dispatched this depu- 
 tation for the sole purpose of ascertaining the true 
 sentiments of the Prince. As this young man was 
 endowed with extraordinary talents, and particu- 
 larly with an acute penetration and solid judgment, 
 he was well aware of the number of lurking-holes 
 that men could find out, and the expedients they 
 could adopt, in order to insure success to their 
 crafty designs ; and, therefore, seeing that my mo- 
 desty was only feigned, he very prudently accom- 
 modated himself to his fate, shaped his actions ac- 
 cording to existing circumstances, followed the ex- 
 ample of the army, and proclaimed me Emperor 
 himself in every part of the capital. Thither I was 
 carried in triumph, attended by several Generals, 
 and there received by the acclamations of the people ; 
 and in the course of a few days my coronation was 
 celebrated with much state and magnificence. Thus 
 was J metamorphosed from a poor shipwrecked 
 
366 
 
 slave into a potent monarch. In order to form a 
 still closer alliance between royself and the people 
 of Quama, and as much by private as by public 
 acts to establish my power, I married the daughter 
 of the deceased Emperor ; for I remarked that 
 my subjects still loved and honoured the old 
 imperial family. The name of this Princess was 
 Ralac, and 
 
 She'd cheeks like the neuly blown rose, 
 Her eyes did the brilliants eclipse. 
 Though a little awry was her nose, 
 Yet coral -red were her two lips. 
 
 As I bad now adjusted so many affairs of impor- 
 tance, I began to devise new means by which I 
 might extend my empire, and cause it to be dreaded 
 by the whole of the subterraneous world. My 
 thoughts at first were principally employed upon 
 bow I should best keep the lately conquered nations 
 in subjection. To this end, I caused several large 
 forts to be built, and placed strong garrisons in 
 them : the subjugated people I used with mildness, 
 and promoted many of them to eminent situations 
 in the capital. I showed in particular so much be- 
 nevolence towards the two captive Generals, Tomo- 
 poloko and Mo7isoniuSy that numbers of the Qua- 
 mites became, in consequence, exceedingly jealous ; 
 
367 
 
 although they did not suffer their envy and dissa- 
 tisfaction to hii perceived. This spark of brooding- 
 malice, which remained long smouldering in the 
 Hshes, burst forth, as I shall hereafter relate, at 
 length into an open flame. At home I endeavoured 
 to bring the arts and sciences — but more particu- 
 larly the art of war — to the highest state of per- 
 fection : and as this country abounded in thick 
 forests and trees, proper and suitable for ship- 
 building, I strove, with all my energy and force, to 
 fit out a fleet of men of war, built after the models 
 of the European ships ; and however I was over- 
 burdened with other business, this I considered of 
 so much importance, that I gave up everything 
 else for the moment, in order to prosecute my 
 design. In this work I availed myself of the assist- 
 ance of the Kispusians, who were tolerably well 
 experienced in naval affairs, and I afterwards 
 appointed Monsonius to be Admiral of the fleet. 
 
 I caused timber to be hewn, and tools and imple- 
 ments to be forged ; and carried on the undertaking 
 with so much spirit and activity, that on the six- 
 tieth day from the time of the trees being felled, 
 I had a fleet of twenty ships at sea. As every- 
 thing succeeded according to my mind, I now con- 
 sidered myself a second Alp.xander ; for it was 
 my intention to make here as much display of 
 
368 
 
 ostentation, as he had made upon our globe. The 
 rage for universal dominion is always increasing, 
 and knows no bounds. Some few years before, a 
 curacy, the situation of writer, or the mean office 
 of parish-clerk, was the summit of my ambition. I 
 durst then not venture to hope for more ; but now, 
 with four or five kingdoms, I felt by no means 
 satisfied: so that I, in respect to my passionate 
 desire for fame, which continued to increase with 
 my power and means, had never been more needy, 
 and had never experienced so pressing a necessity 
 as at present. 
 
 I was informed by the Kispusian Captains as 
 well in regard to the navigation of the seas, as of 
 the state of the adjacent countries ; and I learnt, 
 that in the course of eight days, with a favourable 
 wind, we should be able to reach the coast of the 
 Empire of Mezendores : and as we from that coun- 
 try could easily sail over to Martinia, which pas- 
 sage I myself had lately made, I determined on ac- 
 celerating the departure of the expedition. It was, 
 in truth, the conquest o{ Martinia at which I aimed : 
 partly from a covetous desire for this nation's riches, 
 partly because the Martinians were much more 
 experienced in navigation than any other people, 
 and also because I might hereafter need their assist- 
 ance in executing my grand projects. Besides 
 
369 
 
 these, there was another reason which incited me 
 to subjugate this nation : that was, a desire of re- 
 venge. I persuaded the eldest of the Princes to 
 join in the expedition, alleging that it would afford 
 his Imperial Highness an excellent opportunity of 
 displaying his bravery and courage, and exhibiting 
 his abilities ; but my real object was, to keep him 
 as hostage and pledge of the fidelity of the Qua- 
 mites. The youngest Prince remained at home ; 
 but the reins of government, during my absence, 
 I confided to the Empress, whom I left in a state of 
 pregnancy. The whole fleet consisted of twenty 
 large and small vessels, which were all built and 
 rigged after the manner of the ships of Martinia, 
 and according to the advice, and under the direction, 
 of Monsomus, the Kispusian, who himself sketched 
 ttie plan of them. The Martinians^ among the 
 Subterraneans, resembled much the Tyrians and 
 Stdoma?is in former times, or the English and Dutch 
 of the present day, in our world, arrogating to 
 themselves the dominion of the sea. But on my 
 arrival in Martinia^ I presently discovered how 
 much we deviate in the construction of our vessels 
 from the models of the Martinians. 
 
 We set sail at a time of the year when the planet 
 Nazar was in that part of its orbit, in which it 
 appears only half full. When we had been ploughing 
 
 B B 
 
370 
 
 the ocean for three days, we discovered a large 
 island, the inhabitants of which, in consequence of 
 a dissension among them, — which at that time divided 
 them into several parties, — we found might easily 
 be conquered. As they have no fire or other arms, 
 nor understand the use of any weapon but the 
 tongue, their warfare consists of contumelious and 
 reproachful words and dreadful imprecations. In 
 these consist all their punishments and all their war. 
 Criminals with them are cast into prison, and after 
 their trials are over, and a verdict of guilty pro- 
 nounced against them, they are immediately dragged 
 away to the centre of a large place, called Execu- 
 tion-square, and there publicly reproached, reviled, 
 and imprecated. For this purpose they have 
 certain officers of justice, denominated Sabuter, or 
 Revilers, who may be compared vrith our hangmen 
 and police-officers. The form of these islanders 
 diflfej: from that of other people only in as much as 
 that the females have beards, and the men none ; 
 and that all their feet are turned the wrong way 
 first. As soon as we had effected a landing, we 
 met about three hundred Kanaliskans, — for so the 
 inhabitants are called, — who looked upon us as 
 enemies, and attacked us with their usual weapons, 
 reproachful language and imprecations. We were 
 informed by an Alectorian, who understood the 
 Kanaliskan language, that the words which they 
 
371 
 
 used against us were remarkably severe and cutting : 
 a clear proof of the perfection to which they had 
 attained in that mode of warfare, and wherein they 
 showed themselves in no wise inferior to the most 
 eminent of our critics. But I well knew, that 
 
 Threats, without power. 
 Ought only by contempt to be opposed ; 
 
 and for that reason forbade any violence to be used 
 against that unarmed people. In order to intimi- 
 date these Sabuter, I discharged a pistol among 
 them, which had the desired effect ; for they all 
 threw themselves immediately on their knees, and 
 humbly implored for mercy. I gave afterwards 
 audience to all the principal petty Kings of this 
 island, who, in the most submissive manner, came 
 and surrendered themselves, and their subjects, to 
 our superior force, — making the whole nation tribu- 
 tary to our Empire. It was no shame or disgrace 
 for them, they said, to be vanquished by him who 
 was invincible ; and they could, without tarnishing 
 their honour, submit to him whom kind fortune 
 had raised above every other being. As this 
 island was now become tributary to us, by which 
 my power was in some degree extended, though 
 my renown was in no wise heightened, nor had I, 
 through this victory over so unwarlike a people, 
 
 B b2 
 
372 
 
 aqquired much glory, we weighed anchor, and after 
 a few days' favourable passage, arrived within 
 sight of the coast of Mezendores, Here I held a 
 council of war, for the purpose of deliberating 
 whether it were advisable to make an immediate 
 attack, or first to dispatch Envoys to the Emperor 
 and summon him, in order to spare the effusion 
 of blood, to surrender without resistance. The 
 greatest number of the officers present thought it 
 better, and that it would show a much more noble 
 mind, to send Envoys. I therefore dispatched five 
 persons on this special embassy : a Quamite, an 
 Arctonian, an Alectorian, a Tanaquian, and a Kis- 
 pusian. On their arrival at the Imperial residence, 
 the commandant of the castle, in the name of the 
 Emperor, demanded — 
 
 ^jf What object had brought them, 
 
 O'er the deep's raging billows, to visit their land \ 
 
 The Envoys answered — 
 
 No stars erratic, no delnsive light, no storm, 
 Have hitherwards led or driven us: by our own 
 Freewill we to your land direct have steer'd our course ; 
 
 and then handed over the letter addressed to the 
 Emperor, which was of the following tenor : — 
 
373 
 
 " We, Niels Klim^ Envoy from the Sun, Emperor 
 of Quama, King of Tanaqui, Arctonia, and Alec- 
 torm, Grand Duke of Kispusia, and Ruler of 
 Kanaliska, send to the Emperor of Mezendores 
 and Miklopolatu^ greeting. We hereby publish and 
 make known to all whom it may concern, that it is 
 ordained by the invariable Council of Heaven, that 
 all empires and kingdoms in the world shall sub- 
 mit to the power of Quama ; and as the decree of 
 Providence is irrevocable, the empire of your 
 Majesty must necessarily share the same fate. We 
 therefore counsel your Majesty to surrender volun- 
 tarily, and not to suffer matters to be carried to 
 extremities, through a temerarious opposition to 
 our victorious arms. By a voluntary submission 
 the effusion of innocent blood will be spared, 
 and your Maejsty will experience a much milder 
 fate than if resistance be offered. — Given on 
 board of our fleet, the third day of the month of 
 Rimat.''^ 
 
 After the expiration of some days, the Envoys 
 returned with an answer couched in very imperti- 
 nent and haughty language. I now abandoned all 
 thoughts of gaining my end by any pacific measures, 
 and therefore immediately landed my forces. When 
 I had drawn up my troops in order of battle, I sent 
 out spies to reconnoitre the disposition of the enemy. 
 
374 
 
 These returned in great haste, with the information 
 that an hostile army, which consisted of sixty thou- 
 sand lions, tigers, elephants, bears, and mon- 
 strously frightful birds of prey, was advancing 
 against us. We took up a convenient position and 
 awaited the enemy's arrival. As everything was 
 ready, and the signal given to commence the attack, 
 four foxes, in the capacity of plenipotentiaries, 
 were sent off by the hostile party to treat with us 
 on the subject of peace ; but after these personages 
 had conversed for some hours with the principal 
 officers of our army, whom 1 had nominated to 
 negociate with them, they departed without having 
 effected anything. We now entertained no doubt 
 that they came more in the character of spies than 
 of plenipotentiaries ; and that they were sent for 
 the sole purpose of reconnoitring the state of our 
 army. On quitting our camp, they gave it out that 
 they should quickly return with fresh powers ; but 
 on our perceiving immediately after, that the hos- 
 tile forces were advancing against us, and that all 
 hopes of peace had vanished, we marched from our 
 })Osition, and made an impetuous attack at once 
 upon the whole line of the enemy. The battle was 
 long and obstinate ; and although our musquetry 
 caused in the beginning dreadful slaughter among 
 the enemy, yet the elephants were able to preserve 
 their ranks entire, as the hardness and thickness 
 
375 
 
 of their hides prevented our bullets from penetrating. 
 But as soon as we began to thunder with our heavy 
 artillery, and the elephants perceived the horrible 
 effect that it produced, they were immediately 
 overwhelmed with fright, and tied precipitately in 
 all directions. 
 
 In this engagement we killed three and thirty 
 thousand Mezendorians, and made two thousand 
 prisoners. Those who escaped from the action fled 
 to the capital, which was a strong fortress, and 
 there proclaimed the disastrous event. We fol- 
 lowed up this victory, and prosecuted our march 
 towards tlie Emperor's residence, which, after having 
 three times pitched our camp, we reached, and laid 
 siege to, both by land and by water. As we 
 approached the city, we were met by another 
 embassy, which sued for peace on much more 
 reasonable terms than the former. The Emperor 
 offered me his daughter, the most beautiful young 
 lioness in Mezendores, in marriage, together with 
 the half of his empire as her dowry. The terms 
 displeased me, especially that part of them which 
 related to the marriage ; for J corrsidered it both 
 dangerous and unlawful to repudiate my wife, 
 whom I had left behind me in a state of pregnancy, 
 and marry a lioness: I therefore dismissed the 
 Envoys without any answer. I now planted cannon 
 
376 
 
 before the walls of the city, which, although built of 
 stone, were quickly demolished. As the town 
 swarmed with a great diversity of animals, the sole 
 inhabitants of the State, the strangest medley of 
 noises, such as roaring, howling, yelling, neighing, 
 braying, hissing, &c. was heard promiscuously, as 
 would defy the most fruitful imagination to form 
 the smallest conception of. The snakes concealed 
 themselves in chinks in the earth ; and the birds, 
 which through fright soared into the air, quitted the 
 besieged town, and sought refuge in the clifls and 
 on the tops of mountains. The trees shook and 
 trembled to that degree, that their leaves fell off and 
 entirely covered the streets. Twenty maids of honour, 
 lilies and roses, on hearing the first cannon-shot 
 fired, were so seized with terror and overwhelmed 
 with consternation, that they immediately withered 
 and died. Whole troops of the inhabitants, among 
 whom, in consequence of their packing themselves, 
 through fright, so closely together in their small 
 habitations, a very contagious disease had broken 
 out, now ran about the city, wringing their hands in 
 most wretched state of despair. The elephants, 
 who possessed a greater share of courage than any 
 of the others, became, from the repeated thundering 
 of the cannon, so terrifietl, that they at length quitted 
 their shaking houses, and ran about the streets in 
 despair like the rest. 
 
37T 
 
 The Emperor of Mezendores now lost all hope ; 
 he therefore called his council together, and spoke 
 as follows : — 
 
 In vain, good citizens, we're making war 
 Against the unquestionable power of God, 
 Which no disaster e'er can weaken, — which. 
 By arms of mortals, ne'er can be subdued ! 
 I therefore now have suramon'd you together, 
 That each his sentiments may speak aloud, 
 And give his best advice ; and say what steps 
 We ought to take, to avert the impending storm. 
 
 All answered at once with a loud voice, and 
 said : — 
 
 Away with war I make peace ! for peace it is 
 We all desire ! 
 
 The Emperor immediately after surrendered him- 
 self, together with the whole of his country ; and I 
 in one day obtained the dominion over this spacious 
 empire, with ten kingdoms, and as many princi- 
 palities ; for all the petty Princes and Stadtholders 
 followed the Emperor's example, and vied with each 
 other in eagerness to submit. 
 
 After this extraordinary success, I garrisoned 
 the capital with six hundred men, and had the Em- 
 peror brought prisoner on board of our fleet. Upon 
 
378 
 
 the whole voyage home I used him with much kind- 
 ness ; and on our arrival in Quatna I granted him 
 an entire province, which yielded a sufficiency to 
 enable this captive Prince to live according to his 
 rank. On our way we demanded hostages from 
 most of the nations which had been under the 
 dominion of the Emperor of Miklopolatu, and by 
 means of threats 1 got, within a short time, every- 
 thing into my power that belonged to Mezendores. 
 These peoi)le, for the most j)art, were the same 
 whom I have already described on my voyage 
 to Martinia. We now left the Mezendorian 
 land, and steered for Martinia, the coast of which 
 we at length descried, after a long but favourable 
 passage. I never in my life beheld a more 
 delightful prospect; for when I retlected, that 1, 
 in the character of Emperor and Ruler of so many 
 States, was again in sight of that country in which 
 I had been condemned to the galleys, the juy 
 that I felt is not to be described. At first I 
 determined on making myself immediately known, 
 in order the more to terrify the Martinians ; but 1 
 afterwards changed my mind, as I considered it 
 more advisable to keep alive that odd kind of fancy 
 which the conquered people had once entertained 
 regarding my birth and mission from the Sun. 
 
 I now hoixid, that within a short time, and that 
 
379 
 
 too without much trouble, I should be able to sub- 
 jugate the Martinians, whose cowardice I well knew ; 
 for they were a people by nature prone to voluptu- 
 ousness, and who, in consequence of their riches 
 and the great variety of pleasures both the land and 
 the sea afforded them, as well as their constant 
 good fortune, were become more and more de- 
 bauched. But experience had taught me, that this 
 was a difficult and dangerous undertaking. By the 
 extensive trade which they carried on in the subter- 
 raneous world, they had amassed an immense trea- 
 sure, with which they could immediately procure 
 auxiliary troops from the most warlike nations. 
 Besides, no people in the subterraneous world had 
 brought seamanship and naval tactics to so high a 
 state of perfection as the Martinians, and our ships 
 were far from being equal to theirs in sailing. A 
 person will easily imagine to himself what sort of 
 vessels they must have been, which a Baccalaureus 
 Philosophise had caused to be built in haste ; and 
 what kind of a judgment the English, Dutch, or 
 Danes, would have formed of them. But our can- 
 non, with the use of which the Martinians were 
 wholly unacquainted, compensated in a great mea- 
 sure for this defect. 
 
 Before I undertook anything iiostile, I disj>atched 
 Envoys to the Grand Council with similar offers of 
 
380 
 
 peace as those 1 had made to the Emperor of Mezen- 
 dores. While we were expecting an answer, we 
 perceived an immense and well-equipped fleet in 
 full sail bearing down upon us. We ranged our 
 ships in line and waited their arrival, when I made 
 the signal for attack. The engagement continued 
 long, and was obstinately contested. Instead of 
 cannon, the Martinians made use of a kind of ma- 
 chine, with whicl) they threw stones of an enormous 
 size into our vessels, that greatly damaged them. 
 They had, besides, several fire-ships filled with 
 pitch, rosin, brimstone, and other combustibles ; 
 with one of which our largest vessel was set on 
 fire, and entirely destroyed. In consequence of 
 this disaster, the victory at the commencement was 
 very dubious ; and my people were already wav^ering, 
 and seemed undetermined whether to fight or fly, 
 when our well-directed cannon at once so completely 
 discouraged the Martinians, that they found them- 
 selves necessitated to sheer off and take refuge in 
 their harbours. We were unable on this occasion 
 to capture one single ship from the enemy, as they 
 sailed so much faster than ours, and were con- 
 sequently quickly beyond pursuit. The battle 
 being over, we now landed our troops and marched 
 with all possible speed for Martinia^ the capital. 
 On the route we met our Envoys returning, whom 
 tlie Council had received in a very haughty manner, 
 
381 
 
 and whom tbe}^ had dismissed with the following 
 words : — 
 
 Away ! away I announce it to your King, 
 
 That we alone are rulers of the deep ! 
 
 And bid him in a mountain-cave conceal himself! 
 
 For as the Martinians arrogated to themselves 
 the dominion of the sea, they had treated the 
 overtures of a mountaineer king with contempt. 
 They commenced, however, immediately to beat up 
 for troops ; and all the inhabitants of Martinia, who 
 were able to bear arms, were at once equipped. 
 
 We had not marched many miles, before we 
 perceived an immense army, consisting of people of 
 many nations, advancing to meet us. This con- 
 fidence and extraordinary daringness, which the 
 enemy exhibited so shortly after his unfortunate 
 defeat at sea, filled us with a good deal of alarm. 
 But all these troops might have been compared to 
 a meteor ; 
 
 For when they heard our trumpets sound to arms, 
 Amaz'd they stood, and fill'd with dire alarms ; 
 
 and on the first discharge of our heavy artillery, 
 they all betook themselves to a precipitate flight. 
 We pursued, and made a dreadful slaughter among 
 
382 
 
 them. How many had fallen on the side of the 
 enemy, we were in some measure able to judge of, 
 from the periwigs which we collected together after 
 the battle ; for on counting them we concluded 
 that about live thousand Martinians must have been 
 slain. The wigs I noticed were not of the same 
 shape as those which I had originally made them, 
 and I counted no less than twenty different sorts, — 
 a clear proof of the ingenuity and superior inventive 
 faculty of this people. 
 
 After the action, or ratlier when the slaughter 
 was at an end, we took possession of the capital, 
 without the least hindrance or opposition. For 
 as soon as we had prepared everything for the siege, 
 and placed cannon in front of the city, the Senate 
 repaired to our camp, and in a very submissive 
 manner surrendered up the place, together with the 
 whole country, into our hands. Peace was now 
 concluded, and we made a solemn entry into the 
 capital. When wo had got within the gates, I 
 remarked not the least signs of alarm, which fear 
 usually occasions in conquered towns ; tranquillity 
 and silent melancholy seemed everywhere to prevail. 
 Some were sitting with their eyes fixed on the 
 ground : others were irresolute and wavering as to 
 what they should take with them, and what they 
 should leave behind ; others, again, were stand- 
 
383 
 
 ing before their doors, bewildered and per- 
 plexed, gazing at their houses as if they saw them 
 for the last time. I suffered no excesses or out- 
 rages to be committed in the town ; and their 
 melancholy, in consequence, was soon changed to 
 gladness. I was now conducted into the public 
 treasury, and was really amazed on beholding the 
 enormous riches that were there deposited ; a great 
 part of which I distributed among my soldiers, 
 and the remainder I ordered to be taken to my 
 own treasury. I then placed a garrison in Mar- 
 tinia, and took away several senators, as hostages, 
 on board of my ships: among these were the 
 burgomaster and his wife, who had falsely charged 
 me with having committed that aggravated mis- 
 demeanour for which 1 was sent into slavery. I 
 did not, however, revenge myself on account of 
 this mockery ; for I considered it unbecoming the 
 character of so great a monarch, to punish for 
 wrongs he had suffered while in no higher a capacity 
 than that of a beast of burden. 
 
 The Martinians being now conquered, I next 
 resolved upon bringing the neighbouring nations 
 also under subjection ; but while we were pre- 
 paring for this purpose, there arrived Envoys 
 from four kingdoms which voluntarily placed them- 
 
384 
 
 selves under our dominion. 1 now reigned over 
 so many countries, that I considered it not at all 
 worth while to inquire after the names of those 
 States which had lately submitted, but contented 
 myself with comprehending them all under the name 
 of the Martinian Empire. 
 
385 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 A SUDDEN CHANGE OF FORTUNE. 
 
 After I had achieved so many glorious and 
 extraordinary enterprises, and our fleet had ex- 
 perienced a considerable increase by the addition 
 of the Martinian ships, we set sail on our return to 
 Quanta, into which place I made my entry with a 
 pomp that far out-Iustred all the Roman triumphs 
 which we have ever read of. And really my ex- 
 ploits were deserving of every imaginable honour ; 
 for what heroic achievement could with propriety 
 be Called greater or more glorious than that of 
 metamorphosing, in so short a period, an ignorant 
 and despised race of people, who were exposed to 
 every outrage and affront, into rulers over the whole 
 subterraneous world ? What could redound more 
 to the honour and credit of a man, who lived as 1 
 did, among such a diversity of creatures, which 
 
 c c 
 
386 
 
 liaJ not the slightest resemblance of myself, than 
 to regain and restore to human-kind that dominion 
 with which nature had originally invested them over 
 all other animals ? To give a full description of 
 the state and magnificence of this triumphal entry, 
 the concourse of people assembled on this joyous oc- 
 casion, and the acclamations with which 1 was re- 
 ceived by all ranks and classes of the Quamites, both 
 old and young, — the language which could be written 
 in a folio volume would be found not nearly com- 
 mensurate to the interesting matter ; much less am 1, 
 tlierefore, able, in this small work, to pen down 
 worIs adequate to convey even the most indistinct 
 idea of the truly affecting scene. This point of 
 time forms in history a new epocha, from which may 
 be reckoned the existence oiftve grand monarchies ; 
 namely, the Assyriimy the Persian ^ tlie Grecian , 
 the Roman^ and the ^ublerranean of Quama ; 
 which latter, in extent and power, far exceeds any 
 of the others. I, for that reason, could not refuse 
 to take the title of Koblu^ or the Great, which the 
 Quamites and all the subjugated nations were 
 emulous in conferring upon me. I must acknow- 
 ledge that the title of Great is both presumptuous 
 and lofty : but if the martial deeds of a Cyrus, 
 an Alexander, a Pompey, or a Caesar, were com- 
 pared with mine, they would be found much less 
 in magnitude, as well as in brilliancy ; and this 
 
387 
 
 title would then, in consequence, be considered, by 
 that part of the world which is liberal enough to do 
 every justice to a man's merits, as being by far too 
 modest. True it is, that Alexander conquered 
 several of the Oriental nations ; but with what sort 
 of troops ? With none but veteran soldiers, who 
 had been long inured to hardships and incessant 
 war ; such were the Macedonians, in his father 
 Philip's time. But I subdued a number of States, 
 the inhabitants of which were far more numerous 
 and warlike than the Persians, and that, too, in a 
 much shorter time, and with people who not long 
 before were wild barbarians, whose habits I had 
 completely moulded to my will, and whom I had 
 instructed in the art of war. The title which I 
 afterwards used was as follows : — Niels the Great, 
 Envoy from the Sim, Emperor of Quama and 
 Meze^idores, King of Tanaqui, Aleetoria, Arctonia, 
 of the Mezendorian andMartinian Empires, Grand 
 Duke of Kispusia, Ruler over Martin ia and 
 Kanaliska, ^c. ^c. ^c. 
 
 Now founded was 
 Tills mighty empire : the child of fortune then 
 I seem*d to be ; but none, alas ! before 
 Their wearisome career on earth is ended, 
 Ought to be call'd by such an appelhition. 
 
 For when I had attained to this high degree of 
 
 oc2 
 
388 
 
 power and prosperity, which far exceeded even my 
 most sanguine expectations, I followed the same 
 course as those persons usually pursue, who, from 
 a mean extraction, rise in the world to great honour 
 and preferment. I forgot my former condition, and 
 my hitherto modest deportment degenerated into 
 arrogance and haughtiness. Instead of courting 
 the affections of the people, I now began to show 
 myself both tyrannical and austere towards all, 
 without any exception of rank or age. My subjects, 
 whom I had made so greatly devoted to me through 
 a friendly and courteous deportment, I now re- 
 garded as slaves. None obtained an audience of 
 me, unless they fell at my feet ; and when any 
 persons were admitted to my presence, 1 received 
 them with a haughty and forbidding air. This 
 behaviour caused me very soon to be detested, and 
 the affection of my subjects was quickly changed 
 into indifference and fear. How they were affected 
 towards me, I discovered by a request, or rather a 
 command, which I published to the Quamites in 
 a letter patent. The Empress, whom I left in a 
 thriving condition, was, during my absence, brought 
 lo-bed of a prince. This infant I was desirous of 
 having nominated as my successor; I therefore 
 ordered a diet of the States to be held, and sum- 
 moned the Quamites and all the grandees of the 
 subjugated nations to assemble at this child's 
 
389 
 
 coronation. None certainly ventured t6 show any 
 disobedience to my commands, and the coronation 
 took place with all possible splendour and mag- 
 nificence ; but I perceived quickly after, from the 
 conduct of my subjects, that their joy was only 
 feigned. My suspicion was at the same time con- 
 firmed, in consequence of the publication of several 
 pasquinades by unknown authors, wherein they 
 animadverted, in very piquant terms, upon the 
 improper election that had been made, to the injury 
 of Prince Tirnuso. This circumstance irritated me 
 to such a degree, and caused me withal so much 
 uneasiness, that I resolved at once upon getting this 
 Prince out of the way. I considered it, however, 
 not advisable to put the son of that man publicly 
 to death, to whom I owed all my greatness. I 
 therefore suborned several persons to accuse him 
 of high treason ; and as rulers of nations never 
 lack accessaries, when they are desirous of per- 
 petrating crimes, villains enough were soon found, 
 who made oath that the Prince had formed a de- 
 sign of taking away my life. I had him immedi- 
 ately arrested and arraigned at the bar of a com- 
 petent tribunal, where he was condemned to death 
 by judges whom I had bribed : the sentence, how- 
 ever, was privately carried into execution within 
 the prison-walls, in order to prevent every kind of 
 commotion or tumult. 
 
390 
 
 1 had also formed the resolution of having the 
 junior Prince murdered ; but as he was still so 
 young, I deferred for some time tlie effecting of my 
 purpose. His juvenile years thus for a while 
 obtained for him that security, which my justice did 
 not ensure him. As I had imbrued my hands in 
 the innocent blood of a prince, I now began to 
 reign with so much austerity, and carried my tyranny 
 and barbarity to such a pitch, that I condemned 
 several Qaamites and others to death, whose fidelity 
 seemed dr>ubtful. There was not a day passed 
 without bloodshetl. This tended greatly to stir up 
 sedition, and accelerate the rebellion which had 
 already long occupied tht? minds of the grandees ; 
 the particulars whereof I shall shortly relate. 
 
 I acknowledge, that for my tyranny and oppres- 
 sion I deserved all the misfortunes and disasters 
 that afterwards befell me. It would certainly have 
 been more laudable and more becoming in me, as 
 a Christian prince, to have instructed this ignorant 
 and idolatrous people, and taught them the know- 
 ledge of the true God, than thus to have stained my 
 hands with the innocent blood of my fellow-creatures. 
 It would have been an easy matter for me to have 
 reformed the whole nation ; for everything that I 
 determinetl on was immediately and most eagerly 
 adopted ; and when I uttored anything, it was the 
 
391 
 
 same as if the Divinity had spoken. But I forgot 
 my Creator and myself, and only thought of empty 
 and worldly pomp, and of the enlargement of my 
 power : 
 
 Fire, and blood, and murder, and frightful shrieks 
 Utter'd by men, when hurl'd amid the flames. 
 Were my delight ; and which my soul with ecstasy 
 Did fill : — even in my dreamsi 
 
 Besides, I adopted always measures of the worst 
 kind, and instead of removing the causes of dis- 
 satisfaction, I considerably increased them ; which 
 could not be otherwise, for severity will never 
 redress those grievances which are occasioned by 
 injustice. To the warnings and admonitions of my 
 friends 1 used to reply — 
 
 That in order fully to reform the State, 
 'Twas necessary I should be severe. — 
 
 Consequently one disaster followed another, and 
 my downfall was at last so tremendous, that it 
 will serve as an example, to prove to mankind at 
 large the mutability of human affairs ; and will, at 
 the same time, it is to be hoped, convince all tyran- 
 nical and despotic Princes and Rulers of the insta- 
 bility and short duration of every government 
 which acts with violence against the people, and is 
 too rigorous in its punishments. 
 
392 
 
 In proportion as my severity increased, the Quii' 
 7nites, as well as my other subjects of the conquered 
 countries, showed themselves more and more in- 
 different towards me. And on their remarking, 
 that the vices to which 1 was addicted were very 
 inconsistent, either with a divine origin, a heavenly- 
 minded being, or an Envoy from the Sun, they 
 began more closely to examine into several matters ; 
 especially into the motives of my visit, and the 
 deplorable condition I was in on my arrival in these 
 regions. They now perceived, that tliose extraor- 
 dinary things which I had performed, ought rather 
 to have been ascribed to the ignorance of them- 
 selves, than to my superior skill ; particularly on 
 their observing, after they had made considerable 
 proficiency in the arts, that I was frequently in 
 error. The Kispiiaians^ a keen and penetrative 
 nation, had more narrowly than any other people 
 watched my actions. They had often observed, 
 that in the edicts I had issued, there were many 
 absurdities, which were evident proofs of my igno- 
 rance in affairs of State. In this they were not 
 mistaken : for as my preceptors had never dreamed 
 about thrones and sceptres, I had received an 
 education tliat was more suitable for a minister of 
 the church than a Prince? ; and my studies, which 
 had not been extended beyond a system of theology 
 and some few metaphysical terDis, were but ill 
 
393 
 
 suited to qualify me for my present post, which 
 was to govern two empires and about twenty king- 
 doms. The Martinians had also remarked, that 
 the men of war, which I had built, were so bad, 
 that the}'- could not be used against any regular fleet ; 
 and that the victory I had gained ought solely to be 
 ascribed to the invention of cannon. To these and 
 other satirical remarks they were not backward in 
 giving publicity ; taking care at the same time to 
 hint in what manner I arrived off their coast — 
 namely, floating upon the plank of a ship : and 
 that when I was picked up by the inhabitants, I 
 was clothed in rags and tatters, and half dead with 
 hunger and thirst, — a very unlikely condition for an 
 Envoy from the Sun to be found in. Besides, the 
 Martinians, who possessed much knowledge regard- 
 ing the celestial bodies, had disseminated among the 
 Quamites certain astronomical axioms, and proved 
 to them that the sun was an inanimate body, placed 
 by the Almighty in the centre of the universe, for 
 the purpose of supplying all creatures with light and 
 heat ; and that it consisted of fire, and, consequently, 
 could not be inhabited by any earthly beings. 
 
 With such injurious remarks my character was 
 daily aspersed ; but their murmuring and inveighing 
 against me were only private, as no one, for fear 
 of my power, durst openly and publicly express 
 
394 
 
 his sentiments. I remained, therefore, ignorant, for 
 a length of time, of the discontent of my subjects 
 having arrived at such a pitch, as that they were 
 inch'ned to dispute the government with me, until 
 my eyes were opened by a pasquinade. It was 
 written in the Kanaliskan tongue, and bore the 
 title of The Fortunate Shipwreck. I have before 
 remarked, that the Kanaliskans were great adepts 
 in pouring forth contumelious and reproachful lan- 
 guage, and that their tongues were tlie only 
 weapons they used in time of war. This lampoon 
 contained all the accusations and im|x»achment8 
 which I had lately made a.ijainst my innocent sub- 
 jects, and was written in a most satirical and biting 
 style, after the manner of the Kanaliskans, who 
 are complete masters of the art. 
 
 But my pride and arrogance were on that occasion 
 so great, and 1 tnisted so much to my ixDwer, that 
 1 was unrelenting, and turned a deaf ear to every 
 admonition. The most salutary advice served more 
 to irritate and provoke my ferocious barbarity, tlian 
 to restrain it. I caused several persons to be ar- 
 rested, whom I particularly suspected, and endea- 
 voured, by means of the most cruel torture, to 
 extort from them a confession of the author's name. 
 They endured the pain with incredible firmness ; 
 and 1 efl'ected nothing else, by my unparalleled 
 
395 
 
 inhumanity, than to cause the hatred, which my 
 subjects bore towards me, to be heightened into 
 the most exasperated rage. 
 
 As matters stood in a very precarious state, I 
 resolved at once to lay hands upon Prince Hikoba, 
 who was still undisposed of. I made this design 
 known to my prime minister, Kalak ; for in him I 
 placed the greatest confidence. He promised to 
 serve me in everything to the utmost of his power, 
 and went immediately away to execute my orders ; 
 but in his heart he abhorred the design, and, there- 
 fore, divulged the secret to the Prince. They both 
 repaired to the fort, mustered the garrison, and in 
 a pathetic address represented to them the present 
 situation of affairs. The tears of the unfortunate 
 Prince gave weight to his words : all flew to arms, 
 and vowed they would defend him to the last drop of 
 their blood. The subtle and crafty minister availed 
 himself of this opportunity, let them swear fidelity to 
 the Prince, and exhorted all to take up arms against 
 a tyrant who had formed the abominable design 
 of completely extirpating the whole of the ancient 
 imperial race. 
 
 All flew to arms, whose souls abhorr'd, whose hearts 
 Detested, the base tyrant of the State : 
 They flock'd together — 
 
396 
 
 and confederated themselves with the garri- 
 son. 
 
 Whilst I was awaiting the return of the prime 
 minister. 
 
 Behold ! there hurried past the tremhling guard 
 A messenger express, who witli inflated lungs 
 Cried oat, with voice as loud as he could bawl. 
 Which through the castle everywhere resounded-- 
 *' To arms ! to arms! our monarch's life is threaten'd ! 
 An insurrection in the fort has broken out, 
 And rebt'ls now are marching fur the castle ! 
 The heights and fields around the city swarm 
 With wild, ferocious enemies ! To arms ! to arms !'' 
 
 Tomopoloko advised me to repair immediately to 
 TiiJiaqui. "Come," said he, "let us collect an 
 army in my fatherland ; and this fury, which causes 
 here so much tumultuous confusion, will soon 
 abate." 1 was abashed and confounded, and knew 
 not what course to pursue. Hope and fear seemed 
 alternately to take possession of my soul. At length 
 1 followed his advice, and got fortunately away 
 from Quuma, as the cause of the insurrection was 
 not generally known. When I arrived on the 
 frontiers of Tanacjui, I collected together all who 
 were capable of bearing arms. 1 had very soon 
 an army on foot of forty thousand scddiers, the 
 greatest part of whom were Tanacjuians. With 
 
397 
 
 these I retraced my steps, hoping that my force 
 would be considerably augmented, when joined by 
 those Quamites whom I looked upon as loyal sub- 
 jects, and still true to my cause. But in my hopes 
 I was completely deceived ; and instead of auxiliary 
 troops, I was met by a herald with a letter from 
 the Prince, wherein he formally declared war 
 against me, as the person, who, by subtle and crafty 
 means, had surreptitiously deprived him of his 
 empire : and he informed me, at the same time, that 
 my wife and son were thrown into prison. Im- 
 mediately after the departure of the herald, we 
 descried the Quamitish army advancing with the 
 rebellious Prince at their head. As they possessed 
 a vast deal of heavy artillery, I was afraid to hazard 
 a battle, until I had gathered more strength: I 
 therefore remained still, and fortified my camp. 
 But on perceiving that my soldiers deserted secretly 
 and went over to the enemy, and that the hostile 
 army was expecting auxiliaries, I resolved, with 
 the advice of General Tomopoloko, to commence the 
 action. It was fought upon the same plain where 
 the Tanaquians, some years before, were completely 
 defeated in a general engagement. The enemy's 
 cannon soon threw our ranks into disorder ; and it 
 grieved me sorely, to think that I should be 
 vanquished by my own invention, and with those 
 arms which I myself had made. For some time 
 
398 
 
 my troops rosisted every attack, until at length 
 a ball struck the valiant Tomopoloko, who died 
 instantaneously; when they immediately turnetl their 
 hacks upon the enemy, and sought refuge in 
 mountain caves and thickset forests. I tied to the 
 top of a high rock, and precipitated myself from it 
 down into a contiguous valley. I sat there for some 
 time bemoaning — but, alas ! too late, — my misery 
 and wretchedness, or, rather, my inconsistency 
 and folly. I was bo perplexed and confounded, 
 that I forgot entirely to throw away my crown, 
 which was ornamented with sun-beams, and might 
 easily have betrayed me. When I had lx»en 
 sitting in this valley for about tlie space of half an 
 hour, in the greatest agitation both of body and 
 mind, I at once heard several people climbing up 
 the rock, who were in search of me, and threatening 
 with much noise and vehemence that they would 
 bring me to punishment. I lo<^)ked around me for 
 a hiding place, in which I might conceal myself; 
 when 
 
 A thick and pathless copse, between two barren liills, 
 Where reign'd a silent darkness, beckoned rae. 
 
 Thither I hastened with all sjxjed ; and penetrated 
 deeper and deeper into it, between the bushes, until I 
 came at length to a large hole. Here I remained 
 
399 
 
 standing for some time to take breath ; for I was 
 nearly exhausted with running. After a little 
 while I resolved on entering this hole, and there- 
 fore laid me down and crept into it on my belly, a 
 good deal in imitation of the wriggling of a snake; 
 and as I found that it ran a long way, though not 
 very steep, I made up my mind to penetrate to 
 the end of it. But when I had proceeded about 
 the distance of a hundred steps, I fell suddenly 
 headlong down a perpendicular declivity ; and was 
 precipitated with the velocity of lightning, through 
 impenetrable darkness and incessant night, until 
 I perceived at last a faint glimmering of light, 
 
 As when Selene shines with languid smile 
 Through passing clouds. 
 
 As the light gradually increased, the rapidity ot 
 my course downwards abated ; so that I, without 
 difficulty, or inconvenience, and, as it were, borne 
 upon the billows of the ocean, was gently conveyed 
 to a place amidst a number of barren rocks ; which, 
 to my utter astonishment, I recognised as the same, 
 whence, some years before, I was precipitated into 
 the subterraneous regions. Why the velocity of 
 my course gradually abated, T, in the beginning, 
 could not conceive : but, after some reflection, I 
 was convinced that the change was occasioned 
 by my coming in contact with the supra-terraneous 
 
400 
 
 atmosphere, which is heavier than tlie subterraneous 
 one ; for if our atmosphere had not been much 
 weightier than the other, the same kind of thing 
 might have happened to me on my ascension as 
 on my descension, in which case 1 should, perhaps, 
 have continued my voyage through the air, until 
 1 had arrived at the moon. But this hypothesis I 
 leave to the closer examination of persons more 
 skilled than myself in the science of astronomy. 
 
401 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 THE author's return TO HIS NATIVE COUNTRY, AND END 
 OF THE FIFTH MONARCHY. 
 
 I LAY for a length of time among the rocks in a 
 state of insensibility ; for the fall, together with 
 the wonderful change, by which I, who was lately 
 founder of the fifth monarchy, saw myself on a 
 sudden metamorphosed into a poor and hungry 
 baccalaureus, had completely turned my brain. 
 And indeed the fall was so tremendous, and 
 so poetical, that it was enough to have thrown 
 even the strongest head into the uttermost 
 confusion. I began to ask myself whether all 
 that which I saw were real, or only a dream. 
 When this painful transport had in some degree 
 abated, and I began to recover my reason, the 
 consternation that I was in changed quickly to 
 affliction and remorse. 
 
 " Almighty Father !" I exclaimed, and raised 
 
 D D 
 
402 . 
 
 ray trembling liands towards heaven, " what sin, 
 what transgression against thy will , have I com- 
 raitted, to provoke thy anger, that thou now hurlest 
 down upon my head the dreadful thunder of thy 
 vengeance ? Where am 1 ? Whence do I come ? 
 Whither, whither, O heaven ! shall I fly to hide 
 myself from thy wrath ?" 
 
 Verily ! were one to peruse all the annals of all 
 the times, one would nut find, either in ancient or 
 modern history, an example of so great a fall ; if 
 we except that o{ Ntbuchailnezzar, who, from the 
 most potent monarch on earth, was changed into a 
 brute beast. 1 was forced to experience nearly 
 as hard a fate. In one moment were torn from 
 me tao large empires, with almost twenty kingdoms, 
 and I had nothing now remaining but the empty 
 shadow, and a fast fleeting recollection of them. 
 I had lately been a monarch : now I could scarcely 
 ho|x?, in my native countrj^, to hold a rank so high 
 as that of schoolmaster. 1 was called the Envoy 
 from the Sun : now I greatly feared that I might 
 not obtain a situation above that of waiting-man to 
 a dean, or at the highest to a bishop. Hope, 
 honour, prosperity, and victor}', had hitherto always 
 attended me : now I saw nothing before my eyes 
 but sorrow, misery, sickness, tears, and lamenta- 
 tions. I resembled much a sun-flower, which 
 
403 
 
 comes quickly to its growth, and as quickly dis- 
 appears. In short — grief, pain, compunction, 
 shame, agony, and despair, racked my inward soul 
 to that degree, that, like king Saul, I resolved at once, 
 
 - - - - upon my sacred word, 
 
 To end my troubles with my naked sword; 
 
 and was really several times on the point of draw- 
 ing it for that purpose ; when it entered my mind, 
 that I would again precipitate myself headlong 
 down into the hole, out of which I had just ascended, 
 in order to try whether a second subterraneous 
 voyage might not produce a more fortunate result. 
 
 Three times my murd'rous blade I nearly drew, 
 And thrice I sheathM again the polish'd steel ; 
 Three times I to the fatal hole then flew. 
 And thrice I turn'd again upon my heel ; — 
 
 for I recollected that I was a Christian, and there- 
 fore abandoned my design, as the Christian religion 
 expressly forbids every one from putting a period 
 to his existence. 
 
 I then endeavoured to descend the mountain by 
 a difficult and narrow path, which led directly to 
 Sandwig ; but I stumbled several times on the way, 
 as my mind, through troubles and affliction, was 
 entirely absent, and my thoughts were completely 
 
 dd2 
 
404 
 
 absorbed in retlecting on the tW'ih monarchy. — 
 These unsubstantial, though still new, images 
 hovered around, and floated in such rapid succession 
 before my imagination, that I was nearly deprived 
 of my senses. I had also really suft'ered so great 
 a loss, that I conceived nothing in my own country 
 could ever compensate it. What ecjuivalent or 
 compensation, thought I to myself, would it be, 
 were I appointtnl to the high-bailiwick of Btrf^eii ? 
 or even, what is still more, to the Lord-lieutenMiR-y 
 of all Norway? What consolation could ail this be 
 of to him who was so lately absolute sovereign of 
 so many empires and kingdoms, which he himself 
 had founded ? 1 resolved, however, within myself, 
 that if any Lord-lieutrnancy in my father-land were 
 ofteretl to me, 1 would not altogether refuse it. 
 
 When I had got about half way down the moun- 
 tain, I perceiveil a number of boys. I b<'ckoned them 
 to come to my assistance, and said, Jeru pikal 
 saiim ; which words in th<' Quamitish language 
 signify, s/totc me tht way. They were so alarmed at 
 the sight of a man in a strange dress, with a hat upon 
 his bead ornamented with golden glittering sun- 
 U'ams, that they all set up a most hideous shriek, 
 and fled at once in such haste down the mountain, 
 that they arrived at Sandicig a full hour earlier than 
 1, who was obliged to proceed at a slow pace, in 
 
405 
 
 consequence of my feet being blistered and very 
 sore with walking over the sharp pieces of broken 
 rock. They caused the whole town to be over- 
 whelmed with fright and consternation ; for they 
 swore solemnly, that they had seen the Shoemaker of 
 Jerusalem^ or the Wandering Jew, rambling about 
 among the rocks : that his head was encircled with 
 sunbeams, and that he was in perpetual motion, 
 and sighing incessantly, which was a sure sign of 
 the old and deep-rooted anguish that still rent his 
 tortured bosom. When the people asked them how 
 they knew that it was the shoemaker of Jerusalem, 
 they answered, that I had told them, with my own 
 lips, both the name of myself and that of my country. 
 I concluded afterwards, that this mistake arose 
 entirely from my words, Jeru pikal salim, which 
 they had not understood. The whole town was 
 in commotion, and no one doubted the truth of the 
 account; especially as the story of the wandering 
 shoemaker had lately been revived, which went 
 so far as to say, that he had been seen in Hamburgh 
 only a short time before. 
 
 On my arrival at Sandwig, which was in the 
 afternoon, I perceived that all the inhabitants were 
 assembled in large crowds ; for the same innate and 
 eager curiosity, which is peculiar to all mortals, to 
 hear and see anything that is novel, had attracted 
 
406 
 
 them from all parts of the adjacent country. They 
 had been long standing at the foot of the mountain, 
 on the tiptoe of expectation, to receive their new 
 guest ; but as soon as they heard me speak, they 
 were all filled with alarm and hastily fled, with the 
 exception of one old man. who seemed more 
 courageous than the rest. To him 1 addressed my- 
 self, and begged of him to afford shelter in his house 
 to a poor wretched and deludeil man. He asked 
 me, saying — 
 
 Where wast thou born .' where in \\\y home, frieiiU ' 
 From what part of the world dost come, Irieud *. 
 
 I answered him. 
 
 With fault' ring voice and sighs both loud and deep : — 
 The hist'ry ot" my troubles secret 1 will keep 
 Until another time and place ; but ere I sleep 
 A tale I will unfuld, at which the stones will weep. — 
 
 Now cunduct me hence, and when in your bouse, 
 I shall there relate to you adventures that will 
 appear wholly incredible, and which in any history 
 are without parallel. The old man's curiosity was 
 excited ; he took me by tlie hand and led me to his 
 home, quite angr\' at his countrymen, who, he 
 said, were always so unseasonably filleil with alarm, 
 and tied at tlie siglit of every strange face as 
 
407 
 
 though they had really seen something dreadful; 
 As soon as I entered his house, I requested some 
 drink, to quench my excessive thirst. He handed me 
 himself a glass of beer, for neither his wife nor his 
 daughter durst venture to approach me. When I 
 had drunk it, I commenced my story with the follow- 
 ing words : — " You behold now before you a man 
 who has long been a feather before the boisterous 
 and changeable winds of fortune, and who has been 
 persecuted by fate more than any other mortal. 
 We are well aware that things of the greatest 
 moment may be changed in an instant ; but that 
 which has befallen me exceeds by far all human 
 expectations : — 
 
 What I've experienc'd is unheard of, without equal, 
 In our time, or days of yore ; but hear the sequel — " 
 
 My host here interrupted me, observing : " This 
 is a fate to which all wanderers are exposed ; for," 
 said he, " how many events and changes may not 
 occur on a journey which endures for upwards of 
 sixteen hundred years ?" I was completely at a loss 
 to comprehend his meaning, and therefore begged 
 of him to explain what he understood by these 
 sixteen hundred years. " If we may believe his- 
 tory," answered he, " it is now exactly sixteen 
 hundred years since Jerusalem was destroyed ; and 
 
408 
 
 I doubt not, venerable sir, of your having been, at 
 the time the destruction took place, already well 
 stricken in years ; for if that which is related of 
 you be true, then you must have been born in the 
 reign of tl>e Emperor Tiberius'' To this I could 
 make no reply ; for I actually thought bis intellects 
 were deranged, and told him, that his words were 
 completely enigmatical to me. But he went imme- 
 diately and brought a copi>er-plate print of the 
 temple of Jerusalem, and asked me whether it had 
 really any likeness of the original. In the midst 
 of my sorrow and allliction 1 was not able to refrain 
 from smiling, and asked him the reason of all this 
 confused and unintelligible language. " I know 
 not," answered he, " whether I be in error or not. 
 The inhabitants of this place aver that you are the 
 Shoemaker of Jerusalein, so famed in history, who, 
 since the time of Christy has been wandering about 
 the whole world. But the more 1 Icx^k at you, 
 the more your face brings to my recollection the 
 features of an old friend, who, about twelve years 
 ago, lost his life on the top of this mountain." (Jn 
 hearing these words, the mist vanished from my 
 eyes, and 1 recognized my old friend Abelin, at 
 whose house in Bergen I had so frequently visiteil. 
 I ran into his embrace with outstretched arms, 
 exclaiming, ** Is it you, then, my dear Abelifi / I 
 can scarcely believe my riwn eyes. H€»re you 
 
409 
 
 behold again your friend Klim, who is returned from 
 the subterraneous world. I am the same, who 
 twelve years ago was precipitated down into the 
 dark abyss." At this phenomenon he seemed 
 
 Like one struck by the fatal bolt, 
 Standing in lifeless ecstasy, and staring without sight 
 
 " I behold my dear Klitn's face again !" exclaimed 
 he, " I hear his well-known voice ! 
 
 So stretch'd he forth his hand, such was his noble air! — 
 
 But although I have never seen any one in my life 
 who had a stronger likeness of my friend Klim, yet 
 I neither can nor ought to believe my own senses ; 
 for now-a-days the dead are not in the habit of 
 rising again : I must have more corroborative proof, 
 before I shall give credit to your words." 
 
 In order to remove every doubt from his mind, I 
 recounted to him exactly, and particularized, every- 
 thing that had formerly taken place between us. 
 When he heard this, his eyes became as it were 
 opened, he fell upon my neck, and shedding a 
 torrent of tears, said : " Now I perceive that it is 
 Klim himself, and not his ghost ; but tell me where 
 you have lain so long concealed, ^nd whence you 
 
410 
 
 have brought that very strange, nay wonderful, 
 dress." 1 began then to relate everything circum- 
 stantially that had come to pass after my descent into 
 the hole. He listened attentively to all that I re- 
 counted, until I came to speak about the planet 
 Nazar, and the rational talking trees ; when he lost 
 all patience, and said : ** No dream can be more 
 absurd and preposterous, no mad or drunken man's 
 nonsense can be more confused and extravagant, 
 than what you have just related. 1 would sooner 
 Ix'lieve, with our simple j)easants, tliat you had 
 fallen among subterraneous elves; for everytliing 
 which is told concerning them, seems to rae much 
 more probable than your subterraneous travels." 
 I entreated him to have patience only for a little 
 while, until 1 had brought my story to a conclusion. 
 At length he was silent, and 1 continued to relate 
 what further had befallen me among the subter- 
 ranean inhabitants, and how I had founded the 
 greatest monarchy that had ever existed in the 
 worhl. All this only tended to increase and con- 
 firm his suspicion, tliat I had been among sylphs, 
 who had so fascinated me with their |)owerfuI incan- 
 tations, thut 1 had caught the shadow fur the body ; 
 aiid in order to ascertain the extent of my delirium, 
 he began to question me about the state of the 
 blessed and the damned, the P^lysian fields, and 
 bucli like. As 1 jKTceived clearly what he aimed 
 
411 
 
 at, I answered: " Your incredulity is very pardon- 
 able ; for my recital of past transactions and events 
 must appear to every one as fabulous and invented. 
 That which I have had to encounter is so extraor- 
 dinary, that it surpasses all human credibility. I 
 swear, however, by all that is holy, that I have not 
 invented or added one syllable ; but have related 
 everything candidly and straight forward, just as it 
 came to pass.'* But his obstinate incredulity re- 
 mained unshaken ; and he requested that I would 
 rest myself for a few days, as he hoped that, through 
 repose, my disordered mind would, in that time, 
 recover its interrupted faculty of ratiocination. 
 
 After the lapse of eight days, which I passed in 
 a state of perfect tranquillity, my host conceived 
 that I had had sufficient time to subdue my unaccoun- 
 table phrenzy, and, therefore, began again to speak 
 about the subterraneous travels ; for during these 
 eight days he had not permitted me to mention 
 them. He hoped now, that the fifth monarchy, 
 together with the twenty kingdoms and the two 
 large empires, had so entirely disappeared, that 
 there was not a single vestige of either town or 
 village remaining of them. But when he heard 
 that I repeated my story verbatim, and was equally 
 as circumstantial as before ; that I related every- 
 thing in the same order from the beginning to the 
 
412 
 
 end ; and that 1 at length upbraided him with his? 
 incredulity ; and as I moreover alleged facts which 
 he could not deny — for example, that twelve years 
 ago I was precipitated down into the hole, and that 
 I was now returned to my native country in a com- 
 pletely foreign and unknown garb ;^then he began 
 to show strong symptoms of wavering, and knew 
 not what to reply. He was now confounded, and 
 wished to leave me, but I continued to prove to 
 him, that his belief in elves, fairies, sylphs, and 
 such like, was much more absurd and preixjsterous 
 than my subterraneous travels : fur the first were 
 (jnly fancies, wild reveries, and nursery-fables ; 
 while, on the contrary, many great philosophers had 
 admitted that the earth was hollow, and that there 
 was another, but smuller, globe placed within its 
 shell ; and that my own experience bad now fully 
 confirmed this opinion : I could, therefore, not con- 
 tradict the evidence of my own senses. 
 
 At last he yielded to these proofs, and said, 
 " The firmness which you have exhibited in main- 
 taining that, from which, if invented, you could 
 have derived no advantage, has gained a complete 
 victory over my incredulity." Being now con- 
 vinced of the truth, he requested that I would begin 
 the relation of my adventures anew, and recount 
 everything very circumstantially. He was highly 
 
413 
 
 entertained with what I related to him respecting 
 the planet Nazar, d^ndi especially concerning the 
 principality of Potu, whose laws and regulations, 
 he said, ought to serve as a pattern to all republics! 
 He was now fully sensible of it, that the plan for 
 such a well-regulated government could not be 
 engendered and formed in the brain of a man whose 
 intellects were disordered ; for these laws appeared 
 to him to be more divine than human ; and, in order 
 that he might not forget any part of them, he penned 
 everything down as I told it. As I remarked that 
 I had effected a conviction in his mind, I began 
 iiow to reflect upon my own wretched condition, 
 and asked him what I, under these circumstances,' 
 ^ught to do ; or what fortune and success, after so 
 many great exploits and brilliant achievements in 
 the subterraneous world, he thought I could hope 
 to meet with in my native country. He answered 
 — " I advise you, by all means, not to let your ad- 
 ventures be known to any soul living. Are you 
 not aware of the spirit of persecution of our priests? 
 As they excommunicate all those who adopt the 
 opinion that the earth moves and the sun stands 
 still, they would most certainly, were you to mention 
 the subterranean sun and planets, declare you as 
 impious and unworthy of the community of Chris- 
 tians. How maliciously, and with what vindic- 
 tiveness, would Magister Rupertus alone not 
 
414 
 
 persecute you ? and how would he not fulminate his 
 anathemas against you? he, who only last year 
 sentenced a man to do public penance, solely because 
 he believed the existence of antipodes ? This man, 
 for your doctrine concerning that new world, would 
 most assuredly condemn you to be burnt on a pile 
 of faggots. I advise and warn you, therefore, that 
 you keep your adventures a profound and eternal 
 secret, and that you for some time remain concealed 
 in my house." He then entreated me to lay aside 
 my subterranean dress, and exchange it for another ; 
 andall those persons who, out of mere curiosity, came 
 to see tlie Shoemaktrr of Jerusaltiui, he sent away, 
 giving out that 1 had again hastily disappeared. 
 The report of my visit was, notwithstanding, 
 quickly spread over the whole country ; and every 
 pulpit resoundeil with admonitions, warnings, and 
 j)redictions, of some dreadful and im|H^nding calamity, 
 which would shortly follow this manifestation. 
 The SbcK'maker of Jerusalem, they said, was come 
 to ^atti/tng, as the herald <jf God's wrath, to exhort 
 |)eople to repentance. And as re{)orts and stories 
 never lose anything by repetition, this fable very 
 soon received some considerable additions and 
 eml)ellishments. It was related by many, tl)at the 
 said Shoemaker of Jerusalem had announced the 
 end of the world, and threatened, that if mankind 
 did not repent before St. John's day, ever\'thing 
 
415 
 
 would be destroyed by fire and brimstone and other 
 combustibles. These predictions caused so great 
 a noise, and had so much effect upon the minds of 
 the people in a certain parish, that the farmers 
 neglected to cultivate their fields, as they, because 
 of the approaching destruction of the world, had no 
 harvest to expect ; but as the parson of this parish, 
 Magister Niels, was fearful that he should thereby 
 lose his (e7itk and other little perquisites and 
 comings-in, he published that the last day was 
 deferred for a year, and that they should, therefore, 
 not be scrupulous about returning to their ordinary 
 occupations. As no one, except my landlord and 
 myself, knew what gave rise to these fables, they 
 furnished us with occasion for a good deal of 
 laughter. 
 
 As I at last could not remain any longer con- 
 cealed in a strange house, and must necessarily 
 again appear in public, my landlord gave out that 
 I was a student from Brontheim, and a relation 
 of his, and that I was lately come to that part of 
 the country on a visit. He afterwards recommended 
 me so very particularly, both verbally and in 
 writing, to the Bishop of Bergen, that his Right- 
 reverence promised me at length the first rector- 
 ship that should become vacant. This offic"e I 
 thought was likely to be exactly to my taste, as it 
 
41G 
 
 appeared to have some points ot" resemblance with 
 my former rank ; for a school rectorship is a com- 
 plete royal government in miniature. The rod of 
 the school is not very unlike a scejitre, and the pro- 
 fessor's chair might be aptly compared to a throne. 
 But as there was n(j place vacant for a length of 
 time, and I stood in need of immediate preferment, 
 1 resolved, in order not to die of hunger, to accept 
 of the first situation tliat oflertHl. Shortly after died, 
 ver>^ op|K>rtunely, the sexton of Christ-church, and 
 the Bishop ap|)ointed me his successor : a ridiculous 
 preferment enough for one who had lately been 
 the ruler over so many empires. Since notliing so 
 much as poverty causes a man to Ik? ridiculeil, and 
 as it is ft^Hjlish to throw away dirty water before 
 one has got clean, 1 did not refuse this oft'er : and 
 I now pass away my time in this situation' in phy- 
 losophical tranquillity. Soon after this meta- 
 morphosis took place, an honourable marriage was 
 proposed to me with a men*hant's daughter of 
 Bergen, whose name was Muf^daletia. I lik«'d 
 the young lady very well ; but as it was probable 
 that the Empress of (^tuima was still alive, I feared, 
 that if I married this said Magt/aiena, I should be 
 declared guilty of bigamy. But my friend Abelitiy 
 into whose bosom 1 used always to pour forth the 
 troubles and sorrows of my heart, removed quickly 
 ever)' doubt, and proved so fundamentilly the 
 
417 
 
 folly of my scrupulosity, that I at length married 
 her. 
 
 With this Magdalena I lived six years in the 
 most peaceable and affectionate matrimonal state ; 
 but I never related to her my subterraneous ad- 
 ventures. As I could not, however, thoroughly 
 eradicate from my memory the splendour of great- 
 ness that once surrounded me, it sometimes mani- 
 fested itself, and does even still, now and then, 
 manifest itself, in a few individual marks of 
 weakness and acts of folly, which are but ill suited 
 to my present condition. By my wife Magdalena 
 I have had three sons, Christian^ Jens , and Caspar; 
 and have, consequently, four in all, if the Prince 
 of Quama be still living. 
 
 E E 
 
1 
 
419 
 
 ABELIN'S APPENDIX. 
 
 Niels Klim lived until the year sixteen hundred 
 and ninety-five. His irreproachable life, good 
 conduct, and amiable manners made him beloved 
 and esteemed by all. The priest, however, of 
 Christ-church was sometimes displeased with him, 
 on account of his rigid piety and seriousness, which 
 he ascribed to pride and haughtiness. But I, who 
 was acquainted with this man's adventures, was 
 much surprised to observe the modesty, humility, 
 and patience, with which he, who had been 
 monarch over so many empires and kingdoms^ 
 performed the duties of this inferior office. From 
 others, on the contrary, who knew not his wonder- 
 ful metamorphosis, he could not escape being sus- 
 pected of arrogance. As long as his strength 
 would permit him, he was in the habit, at certain 
 times of the year, of walking to the top of the 
 mountain, where he would stand and look sted- 
 
420 
 
 faslly down the hole out of which he had ascended. 
 His friends took notice that he used always to re- 
 tire from it with tears in his eyes, and afterwards 
 lock himself up in his study, that he might indulge 
 in his reflections and meditations for the remainder 
 of the day. His wife also affirmed, that she had 
 often heard him talk in his sleep ahout armies and 
 fleets, and many other incoherencies. Once his 
 absence of mind was so extraordinary, that he sent 
 orders, commanding the hiiih-])aililV of Bergen to 
 attend him immeiliately. His wife thought that this 
 confusion in his head was created by his too close 
 application to study, and was consequently much 
 alarmed for the state of his health, which she be- 
 lieved was greatly impaired by it. His library con- 
 sisted chietly of political books ; but as he thought 
 that these were not very suitable for a sexton, he, 
 on that account, got rid of a great many of them. 
 Of these historical travels there is but one single 
 copy, in the author's own hand-writing, and that is in 
 my possession. I have frequently purposed having 
 the work printed and published ; but several weighty 
 reasons have always intervened to j)revent m<» 
 from executing my design. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 C. Uwivorth. Prib(er.76, FWt Street. 
 
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