! 
 
 DUKE 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 treasure %oom 
 
 vc£ 
 
 
LACONICS: 
 
 O R, 
 
 $eto $te]tiros 
 
 O F 
 
 •: 
 
 State and Converfation. 
 
 ^Relating to the Affairs arid Manners 
 t of the Prefent T I U e,s. 
 
 In Three Parts. 
 
 VtilitMjuftifrofe Mater &aqui. 
 
 Horat. 
 Uiacos intra muros peccatur, & extra. 
 
 Ibid. 
 
 i- "•■ f. 
 
 LONDON, 
 
 Printed for Thomas Hodgson over againfl; 
 Grays Ann-Gate in Holborn. MDCCI. 
 
n 
 
 V ». 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 THIS being in a manner the firft Per- 
 formance of this Nature, that has hi- 
 therto appear'd in the Englijh Ton- 
 gue, I mean of our own growth, (for I fhall 
 take no Notice here of what has been 
 tranflated of this kind out of U Bruyere , 
 St. Evremont, &c. Perhaps it may not be 
 amifs to give the Reader fome fhort account 
 of what other Nations have done before us. 
 The Eafflern People in all Ages of the 
 World have been famous for the Proverbs, 
 Apophthegms, and Maxims of their Great 
 Men. Not to afcend to earlier times , 
 the Mahumetans «pvekrve to this day a great 
 Veneration for the Sentences and Inftru&ions 
 of Noufchirvan an ancient King of Perjia, in 
 whofe Reign Mahomet was born ; for the 
 Wife Sayings of the Great Almanzor y who 
 fo far extended the limits of the Saracen Em- 
 pire; for the Teftament of Locman, who 
 was the JEfop of the Arabians ;for the Moral 
 Maxims of Abubeker, Ali, Omar, and 0[man y 
 the four firft SuccefTors of Mahomet , as Jike- 
 wife of feveral of their Caliphs, Imams, Sheichs, 
 and learned Men : a judicious Collection of 
 
 A 2 which 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 which about Eight Years ago was Publiflhed 
 in French by the Learned Profeflbr of the 
 Oriental Languages in Paris. 
 
 As for the Grecians, tis agreed among the 
 Learned, that tho' Pythagoras Publifhed no- 
 thing of his own, yet his Difciples took care 
 to tranfmit his precepts to Pofterity, partly 
 in Verfe, and partly in Profe. The fame 
 may be faid of that admirable Philofopher So- 
 crates , whofe Sayings have been preferved 
 by Plato and Xenophon ; and his Difciple E#- 
 rifedes feems to have had very much of his 
 Mailer's Strain in him, whofe Tragedies arq 
 every where crowded with Moral Sentences, 
 perhaps beyond what the ftri&Laws of the 
 Drama will bear. Plutarch has given us a 
 feparate Treatiie of the Apophthegms of the; 
 ancient Grecians, both Facetious and Mo- 
 ral ; Diogenes Laertius is every where full 
 of them ; And tiler odes has left us fome 
 Merry Blunders of a certain Animal called 
 a Scholar. It would be endlefs to recount 
 what Stobcras, and -/nany other compilers of 
 a lower Oafs have performed in this way. 
 
 Among the Romans, Tiro has Coliefted 
 the Sayings of his Mallei Cicero, which by 
 the in jury of time have been loft; Macrohius^ 
 the witty Repartees oi feveral Great Men 
 before him, and ttiis Hun of retailing 
 Sentence feems to Iiave ' edarmnant 
 
 33 ' ajoofe? 
 
 fort 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 fort of Poetry, abounded in them, as we may 
 find by thole of Publius Syrus ftill extant ; 
 which contain a World of judicious Precepts 
 and Obfervations, very neceflary for a Man's 
 conduct in the whole courfe of his Life, and 
 Seme ah Works are in reality nothing but a 
 heap of Brillant Sentences, without much re- 
 gularity and Connexion. 
 
 To come now down to our Modern times, 
 thzSpdMardshzve Colle£ted the Sayings of the 
 Famous Duke oiOjfuna, not to mention thofe 
 that areColletted together in a Book Intituled 
 la £ lor eft a, in the Aphorifmsof^taw Perez, 
 thp Oracles of Baltbafar Gratia*?, ajid many 
 other Volums of the like nature. The Italians 
 have Publifhed a World of Books called by 
 them Facetie, Motti , Arguti, Burle, &c. of 
 which I fhall fay no more, fince for the gene- 
 rality fhey only contain Stories Humourfome 
 and Merry. 
 
 But no Nation has carried on this humour 
 fo far as our Neighbours the French, Wit- 
 nefs the Verroniana, the Thuana, the Scalige- 
 riana, the SQrberiana, the Valefian^ths Mena- 
 giana, &c. containing the Observations and 
 Sayings of the feveral great Men , whofe 
 Names they bear ; in all which Colle&ions 
 that partly comprehend Philological Obferva- 
 tions relating to the Grecian and Roman An- 
 tiquities, partly Cenfures of the Ancient and 
 Modern Authors, and Matters of Criticifin, 
 
 partly 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 partly things that are purely Facetious and 
 Jocofe, altho' the Compilers have thrown in 
 a great deal of impertinent Stuff, yet on the 
 other hand it muft be confeffed that abun- 
 dance of ufeful Knowledge may be gathered 
 out of them, which makes the Reader fome 
 compenfation for the reft. 
 
 As for Moral Maxims, their chief End is 
 to direft a Man in his Commerce with the 
 World, but few or none of them ffiew him 
 as he is, with all his Frailties and WeaknefTes 
 about him, under the influence of Superfti- 
 tion, ignorance, vanity, and intereft, which 
 laft after all is the trueft way of reclaiming 
 him. Precepts work upon few Men , be- 
 caufe few Men think they ftand in need of 
 a Dire&or, whereas if a Man were told 
 that his moft Specious Virtues proceed from 
 felf-pridc or fomething worfe, and that the 
 moft applauded aftions of other Men, if 
 throughly examined and view'd by a clofer 
 Light, were derived from the fame vicious 
 principle,as he would be taught an humbler 
 opinion of himfelf, which is always the firft 
 ftep to Reformation,fo he would not be fo apt 
 to admire what ever he fees or hears, which, 
 generally fpeaking, is a fign of Weaknefs. 
 
 No Authors that I know of in any Age or 
 Country of theWorld have fucceded better in 
 this Province than the Duke of Rochefuocaut 
 and Monfieur de St.Evremont : None have pe- 
 netrated 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 netrated deeper in the fecret Springs of our 
 Actions, none have better laid open all our 
 imperfe&ions, which in the common Syftem 
 of Ethics have been made to pafs for Virtues. 
 In fhort none have prefcribed more effe&u- 
 all remedies for the curing our Paflions, be- 
 caufe none have fo faithfully and truly dif- 
 covered them. Upon the Foundation of 
 thefe Great Men la Bruyerehas written his ex- 
 cellent Book,Intituled the Manners of the Jge } 
 which found that wonderful fuccefs in France , 
 that an infinite number of lelfer Authors foon 
 fell into the fame ftrain,as the Abbe de Bellegarde 
 in his Reflections SurleRidicute,theTheophrafle 
 Moderne, and feveral more. A cafe which 
 commonly happens with us in London, as 
 as well our Neighbours in Paris, where if a 
 Witty Man ftarts a happy thought, a Million 
 of fordid Imitators ride it to death. 
 
 Litleof thisnaturp has hitherto appeared 
 among us, (for I fcorn to take notice of thofe 
 execrable things, our Books of common Jefts) 
 except a few Sayings that are to be found in 
 Mr. Camden's Remains, and in a pofthumous 
 Mifcellany of my Lord Bacon, in Mr. Selden\ 
 Table-talk, but efpecially the Works of the 
 Late Famous Marquis of Halifax, who as 
 he ought to be eternally mentioned with the 
 ytmoft Veneration, fo the Reader will find. 
 in all his Writings feveral Obfervations and 
 Reflexions,that don't fall fhort ofRochefuocaut 
 
 and 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 and St. Evremont for Solidity and penetra- 
 tion. 
 
 As for this prefent Colle&ion, tis intirely 
 fubmitted to the Reader's Judgment. All! 
 think proper to add,is that the Third Part was 
 done by a different Hand from that of the 
 two Firft, and that if this Small Treatife has 
 the good Fortune to pleafe, it fhall fhortly 
 be followed by a Second, ready now for the 
 Prefs, which taking a more particular No- 
 tice of the prefent Situation of our affairs and 
 humours, will in all probability afford the 
 Reader a better Entertaiment, and convince 
 him, that as in allother way's of Writing we 
 areequal,if not Superiour to our Neighbours, 
 fo we don't fall much fhortof them in this* 
 
 LA- 
 
LACONICS: 
 
 R, 
 O F 
 
 &stf£ and Gonverfation. 
 
 Part I. 
 
 i. 
 
 ME N of high Birth are in the fair- 
 eft Way to a Good Education : 
 Throughout all Antiquity the No- 
 bleft Aftions are afcrib'd to them, in Hifloty 
 as well as Poetry ; and ure ft ill expe&ed 
 from 'em* 
 
 II. 
 In a Mixt Monarchy Salaries fhould not 
 be fo great, as to make thofe defire who do 
 not want 'em. 
 
 B III. An 
 
( * ) 
 
 III. 
 
 An Evglifo Difcontent is like to a Dog fhut 
 out of Doors in a cold Night, who only 
 howls to be let in. 
 
 IV. 
 
 Princes have more Regard to thofe who 
 get away their Money, than for thofe who 
 srive it 'em. 
 b V. 
 
 A young Wench loves a chargeable Bully 
 better than her kind Kjeper. 
 
 VI. 
 
 A Promife is a Favour, when a Disappoint- 
 ment is an Infamy. 
 
 VII. 
 
 No Prince can pleafe all ; yet fhould ne- 
 verthelefs take care that the Belt, if not the 
 mo ft, have no Caufe to complain. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Good and bad Times are only modeft 
 Terms for good or bad Men in Employ- 
 ments. 
 
 IX. 
 
 A Man ought to weigh the Reporter , as 
 duly as the Report. 
 
 X. Truth 
 
(3) 
 
 x. 
 
 Truth is the only Jewel, that an ordinary 
 Perfon may come eaiier at than a King. 
 
 XI. 
 
 The bed way of taking off Difcontents is 
 a better Admimftration of Public Affairs. 
 
 XII. 
 
 When Salaries run high, and that for lit- 
 tle or no Service, We ever think no Body de- 
 fences 'em but our felves. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Debauching a Member of the Houfe of 
 Commons from his Principles, and creating 
 him a Peer, is not much better than making 
 a Woman a Whore , and afterwards Marrying 
 her. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 A Prince fhould not only know well the 
 Man he employs, but alfo the Man he rejects : 
 Otherwife the One may not be able to do 
 him any Service , and the Other may do him 
 a great deal of Injury. 
 
 XV. 
 
 Men naturally lbve their Princes •,&$ ap- 
 pears by the Court made to them in the Begin- 
 
 B 2 ning 
 
U ) 
 
 ning ot their Reigns ; Yet it feldom lafts 
 long, by reafon Princes often miftake their 
 true Interest , and enrich their Courtiers at 
 the Expence of their People : Preferring as it 
 were, the Paroquet and Monkey, that are of 
 no folid Ufe to 'em, to the Sheep and Oxen 
 that feed and cloath 'em. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 A Prince, 'tis certain, ought to be Reli- 
 gion* ; but it is abfolutely neceffary he feem 
 fo : For the People will never promife them- 
 felves any Felicity under him, if they do not 
 think God on his Side : And on the contrary, 
 will be apt to impute the Difappointments of 
 every Year, to his want of Devotion. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 A Prince's Reputation abroad, will rife or 
 fink, as his Affairs go well or ill at home. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Both King and People ought to diiTemble 
 fmall Diffatisfa&ions. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 An unquiet Life between Man and Wife 
 leffens both in the Efteem of their Neigh- 
 bours. 
 
 XX. No 
 
(5 ) 
 
 XX. 
 
 No Prince can Govern without Offices and 
 Officers, but when any Place falls 'tis better he 
 fhould Give than they Sell. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 A People may Eleft a Prince, but God and 
 Nature only can give a Monarch 
 
 XXII. 
 
 Beafts of Pleafure are feldom Beafts of 
 Burthen 5 but of the two, a Prince had much 
 better make a Favourite of his Minifter, than 
 a Minifter of his Favourite. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 Familiarity 'tis true may breed Contempt y 
 but Love is not to be gain'd without fome 
 degree of it. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 A Prince that parts with his Friends to 
 pleafe • his Enemies, cools the one and en- 
 flames the other. 
 
 •xxv. 
 
 A Prince's Word ought to be equal to the 
 Oatli of a private Perjon : He fhould confider 
 well before he gives it, but no confederation 
 can excufe the breach of it. 
 
 B ? XXVI. When 
 
(6 ) 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 When the People prefs for a new Miniftry, 
 they do not mean a new Sett, but a new Sort of 
 Men. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 The People will ever Murmure at great 
 Gifts while they Pay great Taxes. 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 A Man ought to be deaf to all infinuati- 
 ons of Liber ality, til! he has fatisfy'dtheC/*- 
 mours of Right and Jultice. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Want of good Laws is a very great defect ; 
 but want of due Execution of them, corrupts 
 the very Vitals of Government. 
 
 XXX. 
 
 What fignifies a King's Prerogative of 
 choofing Officers Military and Civil, while 
 his Courtiers have that of difpofing of their 
 Places ? 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 A Prince who Sells his Pardons, Sells the 
 Innocent Blood of His Subjects ; and is in fome 
 Meafure guilty of the Shedding of it. 
 
 XXXII. Brains 
 
(7) 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 Brains aod Heads , not Powder and Perukes 
 muft Support a Government. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 He who Lives without Defign, Lives like 
 a Ifo*/ calPd a Philofopher. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 If a Courtier be difcontented, the Worfe 
 for him ; but when a People is fo, the Worfe 
 forthePrince. 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 Nothing more provokes the better Sort of 
 Men, than to fee Persons of no Birth, no Me- 
 rit, no Service, and fometimes as unknown to 
 the Prince as the People, put into Offices of Ho* 
 nour and Trujt. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 A Parliament is to the Body Politick what 
 the Gout is to the Body Natural, very painful 
 fometimes, but ftill it prevents worfe Diftem- 
 pers. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 In France the Gentry and Nobility Fight, 
 and the People Pay ;in England the contrary : 
 So that War is our Difeaje and their Confli- 
 tution. 
 
 B 4 XXXVIII. If 
 
 m 
 
(8) 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 If a Flayer undertakes a Part above him, 
 lie will foon be hifs'd off the Stage : But if a 
 Courtier does fo, the Dignity of the Office co- 
 vers him for awhile ; yet fooner or later it 
 turns to his Difgrace. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 Moderate Councels are fafeft both for him 
 that takes ?nd him that gives 'em. 
 
 XL. 
 
 Adventures are like Leaps in Hunting\thzy 
 bring you into the Chafe fooner, but may 
 chance to Coft you a Fall. 
 
 XLL 
 
 Great Men care not to Converfe with 
 any but fuch as are very much Inferiour 
 to 'em in Parts. 
 
 XLII. 
 
 A tall Tree feems yet taller among Shrubs, 
 as Jfome MerPs Friendship fhews their Con- 
 tempt. 
 
 XLIII. 
 A Man of Senfe and fome Fortune, thinks 
 ,fce pay's dear enough for an Employment, if 
 he parts with his Liberty by giving his Ho- 
 
 neft 
 
( 9 ) 
 
 neft and diligent Attendance ; therefore fuch 
 feldom get into any. 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 Obftinacy is a more Manly Fault than top 
 much Eafinefs ; the one perhaps is too great 
 Stiffnefs, but the other is commonly Weak- 
 nejsoi Mind. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 When new and neceflary Expences are 
 MultiplyM, the Old and lefs Neceflary ought 
 to be retrenched. , 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 If a Man be once in Debt, he is ever fo ; 
 his Affairs grow too Intricate to Manage : 
 So that he becomes a*i eafie Prey to thofe 
 he Trujls, till he is as much in their Power 
 as an Infant in that of his Guardian. 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 Warlike Princes feldom look well into their 
 Recounts or Expences ; they have a Superi- 
 our Genius which makes 'em leave that 
 groveling part of Wifdom, to the Care and 
 Pains of fuch as may be Hired for thofe 
 Ends ; but neverthelefs Faith and Honejly are 
 not to be bought. 
 
 XLVIIL 
 
 That Prince feldom extends eithqr his 
 Fame or Dominions who does not Head his 
 own Armies in Perfon. XLIX, Tho' 
 
( io ; 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Tho' the People are not apt to perceive 
 their Difeafe, when fhewM 'em, yet they 
 feldom fail of finding a Remedy. 
 
 L. 
 
 Dogs know their own Phyfick. 
 
 LI. 
 
 The late Difeafe of Spain was a poor Weak 
 King, and a Rich and corrupt Miniftry. 
 
 LII. 
 
 A Prince that Exalts a Favourite,Degrades 
 himfelf. 
 
 LIIL 
 
 He that procures the Benefit, will fome- 
 times be thought the Benefactor. 
 
 LIV. 
 
 That Prince who has the, Love of his Sub- 
 jects may eafily fatisfie all Parties; but Court- 
 ing them isEndlefs. 
 
 LV. 
 
 A modeft Salary is a Fortune to a wanting 
 Man, and a great Help to a Man of Eftate. 
 
 LVI. Some 
 
( II ) 
 
 LVI. 
 
 Some Men have no Eft cites, yet Want no- 
 thing ; Others have great Incomes and Want 
 every thing. //c-/W^/^/^ G*A *?&&£; 
 
 We are fometimes miftaken for Men of 
 Pleafttre,becaufc we are not Men of Bufmefs ; 
 and for Men of Bufmefs, becaufe we are not 
 Men of Pleafure : An able Statefman finds 
 Leifure for both, An Inferiour Genius for nei- 
 ther. 
 
 LVIII. 
 
 'Tis a Reproach to the Nobility and Gen- 
 try of England that for the moft part Men of 
 no Birth fight their Battles, fill their Pulpits, 
 and Plead their Caufes ; And alfo that Trades- 
 men, Vintners , and Stewards run away with 
 their Eftates. 
 
 LIX. 
 
 An Officer fhould be continued in his Em- 
 ployment if he does his Duty : But great Re- 
 wards and high Preferments are only due 
 to extraordinary Service. 
 
 LX. 
 
 One Courtier Speaks for another : So all of 
 'em obtain what none of 'em deferve. 
 
 LXI. A 
 
(17) 
 
 LXL 
 
 A King of England, if he pleafes, may ride 
 his Minifters, and Spur 'em too ; otherwife 
 they will be apt to ride him. 
 
 LXIL 
 
 When Minifters refufe to Serve, but upon 
 their own Terms, they are no longer Servants 
 but Matters. 
 
 LXIII. 
 
 Minifters that are allow'd to put in and 
 out whom they pleafe, make them-felves 
 Friends, but their Prince Enemies. 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 A Prince had better Govern amifs than 
 impotently. 
 
 LXV. 
 
 *T was Wittily faid, that a Courtier out of 
 favour was like a Lantern without a Candle. 
 
 LXVI. 
 
 A Court is many times as heavy in a Mo- 
 narchy, as Armies and Fleets in a Common- 
 Wealth; 'Tis not fo ufeful and therefore 
 ought to be Retrenched: Superfluous Offices 
 are to be extinguifh'd,and the reft Leflen'd. 
 
 LXVII. Tis 
 
( 13) 
 
 LXVII. 
 
 ^Tis harder to find an honeft Man than ail 
 able One ; Bufwefs which improves the one, 
 corrupts the other. 
 
 LXVIII. 
 Men as well as Women are Debauch'd by 
 Opportunity. 
 
 LXIX. 
 Superfluity of Officers Eat up both King 
 and People. 
 
 LXX. 
 
 Neligence and Expence are fo Interwoven 
 with each other, that it is hard to tell, which 
 of 'em a il/i* principally owes his Ruin to. 
 
 LXXI. 
 
 A good Coachman fhou'd not be made 
 your Cook, only becaufe, 'tis a better place, 
 and he has more mind to it. 
 
 LXXII. 
 In Greece the Wifemen were Brave, and 
 the Brave-men StudyM Wifdom : Now a days, 
 if a Man excel in any one thing, he defpifes 
 the reft. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 Our Hearts and Heads are feldom both 
 well furnifh'd. 
 
 LXXIV. Mercy 
 
( H ) 
 
 LXXV. 
 Mercy makes Friends of Enemies, and 
 Cruelty Enemies of fuch as were before our 
 Friends. v 
 
 LXXVI. 
 
 Tho' a Man be legally Condemned, it may 
 be a Degree of Cruelty not to Pardon him. 
 
 LXXVII. 
 MenofSenfe Rail at flattery chiefly be- 
 caufe they hav eus'ditthemfelvesunfuccefs- 
 fully. 
 
 LXXVlIi. 
 A dull Fellow is prefum'd fincere : A Man 
 that knows Tricks is thought to ufe 'em ; fo 
 that we are upon our Guard with the one,and 
 lye open to the other. 
 
 LXXIX. 
 When a Wife Man feems Covetous,'tis not 
 that he loves Money more, but that he values 
 the World and Mankind r left. 
 
 LXXX. 
 Tho' the Dead may not be concerned in 
 what happens after 'em, the Dying are and 
 ought to be : 'tis a Debt charg'd upon 'em, 
 which in Honour and Confcience they ought 
 to pay to their Fojlerity. 
 
 LXXXI. They 
 
( i5 ; 
 
 LXXXI. 
 They are the very Worft of Men who 
 feek advantages from the Calamities of their 
 Country. 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 As fome venture their Lives in defence of 
 their Country, all Men ought to hazard their 
 Fortunes for it. 
 
 LXXXIII. 
 
 The Ulurer Pays too little, and therefore 
 fhould be oblig'd to Lend the Publick at Mo- 
 derate Rates : He can't iofe his Principal 
 unlefs we lofe all. 
 
 LXXXIV. 
 
 We do not diftinguifh well in EnglandbQ- 
 tween the King's Private, and his Publick 
 Revenues : The one he may difpofe of, theo- 
 ther not. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 Much Reading begets more Doubts than it 
 Clears. 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 Learning makes a good Man better , an ill 
 One Worfe. 
 
 LXXXVII. 
 Some things areaboye Hum. we Capacities 'and 
 can never be enough, nor too little thought 
 on. 
 
 LXXXVIIL The 
 
( i6 ; 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 Tlie World grows Older, but not Wifer : 
 Women and Parliaments ftill truft the fame 
 fort of Men who have conftantly deceived 
 'em. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 Not this, or that Man, but Mankind in ge- 
 neral is the Rogue : He that makes the Ex± 
 ception does it at his own Peril* 
 
 XC. 
 To undertake for what is not in our 
 Power to perform, is to Mortgage an EntaiPd 
 Eftate , which is down-right Knavery in a 
 Private Per/on. 
 
 XCI. 
 'Tis great Impotence in a Prince not to be 
 able to keep his Word : Not to be willing is 
 fomewhat Worfe. 
 
 XCII. 
 
 War is a Calamity, for which there is no 
 Comfort, but that it is as bad for one fide as 
 the other. 
 
 XCIII. 
 
 The Defensive Weapons of Peace ought to 
 be firft Try'd,fuch as Embaflies, zndTreaties, 
 in order to Reconcilation. 
 
 XCIV. K 
 
( i7) 
 
 XCIV. 
 If War muft enfue, let it be rather a Rag- 
 ing than a Hectic Fever. 
 
 XGV. 
 The Romans and other Heroes of Antiquity 
 made War by Whole/ale ; they Conquer'd 
 Kingdoms ; We by Retail : Four or Five 
 Battles fome on one fide, fome on the other ; 
 Three or Four Towns taken, Ten Years 
 War, Fifty Millions Paid and to Pay on both 
 fides, zndyou are Welcome Gentlemen to a ve- 
 ry indifferent, and perhaps a fbort Peace. 
 
 XCVI. 
 A Man that goes duly to Church, (hall be 
 ntf // fpoken of tho' he has no other Merit to 
 recommend him. He that neglefts that 
 Duty fhall be ill fpoken of tho' he has no 
 other Fault. 
 
 XCVII. 
 
 All Afteftation is odious that Principally 
 whereby we pretend to avoid it. 
 XCVIII. 
 
 We fhould not Meafure Men by Sundays, 
 without regarding what they do all the 
 Week after. 
 
 CVIX. Wax- 
 
( i8 ) 
 
 - . 
 
 CVIX. 
 
 Wax Candles, a good Equipage, and a French 
 Cook will at any time in England make a 
 Blockheadly Knave, a very good fort of Afo#, 
 tho' we cannot tell for what. 
 
 C. 
 
 Wit is faid to be out otFafljion, yet it is not 
 to be extinguifh'd* 
 
 CL 
 
 Honour and Honefiy are profefs'd every 
 where, yet are no whereto be found. 
 
 CII. 
 
 Devotion does not neceflarily make Men 
 sood ; Witnefs Cromwel and the Late times : 
 Tho' the Want of it may endanger their Mo- 
 rals. 
 
 CIII. 
 
 Thofe things coft moll which we feem 
 not to Pay for : as the Love of Women, the 
 Favour of Princes, and a Beggarly Corpora- 
 tion. ' 
 
 CIV. 
 
 A Prince fhould never employ a Man who 
 has no Reputation to lofe : He brings nothing 
 into his Service and cares not what he carries 
 out. 
 
 cv. if 
 
( iO 
 
 cv. 
 
 If a Man Walk Lame he is pity'd; if he 
 Dance Lame he is Laught at : The one was 
 Unavoidable the other not, 
 
 CVI. 
 A Silly Writer is doubly odious, 
 
 evii; 
 
 -Men are jealous that every Writer aim s 
 at their Praijing him ; while the beft and 
 moft dif-intereft'd only eafe themfelves with- 
 out caring much how their Works are re- 
 ceived. 
 
 XVII. 
 That Man who fears neither Horfe, foot, 
 nor Canon, will never ftand in awe of Vtti\ 
 
 Ink and Paper. 
 
 CIX, 
 
 He that Writes ofife Bocfk oiit of ah ¥fi*& 
 dred may be rather laid to be a Colle&or, 
 than &n Author 5 and floiirifhes like Covent- 
 Garden-Market, with Fruit hot growing but 
 withering Upon hig htftds* 
 
 C i Some 
 
( so ) 
 ex. 
 
 Some Authors are more beholden to their 
 backfides then their Brains. 
 
 CXI. 
 There is a jealoufie of Love,where tho* the 
 Fruit be bitter the Root is pleafing ; there is 
 a jealoufie of Honour, which produces nothing 
 but Thorns and Briers. 
 
 CXII. 
 No Man knows himfelf. Phalaris did not 
 think he was a Tyrant,nor Julius Cafar reckon 
 himfelf an Ufurper. 
 
 CXIII. 
 TndGylnfolence and Arrogance 9 axc the Blad- 
 ders that keep Men above Water. 
 
 CXIV. 
 
 Modcfty is a kind of Fear that Sinks a good 
 Man to the Bottom. 
 
 CXV. 
 
 There are Tyrants in Converfation, as well 
 as onthe Throne? 
 
 CXVI. 
 Nothing muft be difcours'd of but what 
 you introduce,nor other wife than you Di&ate ; 
 you are confpir'd againft, and will be worft- 
 
 ed 
 
(*I ) 
 
 ed by thofe who are fingly Inferiour to you- 
 You are avoided in Companyfho' very ingeni- 
 ous ; and out of Bufwefs, tho' very Capable of 
 Employment. 
 
 CXVII. 
 
 A long Peace makes Men defirous of l¥ar, 
 a fhort One the contrary. 
 
 CXVIII. 
 
 MtchiAvil calls all Princes weak, who are 
 not Warlike : Solomon not excepted. 
 
 CXVIII. 
 
 A Prince and an Army who have a w*/?- 
 denc e in each other, are next to Invincible. 
 
 CXIX. 
 Greater things might and would be done, 
 were we not fo fevere upon Mifcarriages. 
 
 cxx. 
 
 A Roman Conful had the thanks of the 
 Senate,(tho 7 he was beaten)that he did not de- 
 fpair ; when if we lofe a Ship we are prefently 
 for changing the Admiralty. 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 Too much Severity is a t err our to the beft 
 fort of Men. 
 
 Old 
 
CXXil. 
 Old Men fay they are weary of the World, 
 but the World is firft weary of them. 
 
 CXXIII. 
 Liberty and Property in Peoples Mouths, 
 arc in their Hearts, Pride, Ambition and Pre- 
 ferment. 
 
 CXXIV. 
 
 A moderate Man may be a Friend to his 
 Country, when the furious and violent are 
 generally tactions. 
 
 CXXV. 
 5 Tis not advifeable that War and *Peace 
 fhould be determined by a Majority of Offi- 
 cers, Courtiers and Merchants. When it is 
 neceffary, I doubt not but every Country 
 Gentleman will come into it." 
 
 CXXVI. 
 
 Wit and Wifdom only differ in Degree and 
 Sahjeci. 
 
 CXXVII. 
 
 Fancy and Wifdom feldom go together ; 
 nor are they Fruits of the fame Soil or Seafon. 
 
 CXXVIH. A 
 
CXXVIII. 
 A Sublime Fancy may by Age and Experi- 
 ence Cool into Wifdom : Out of fuch the Great 
 Men of the Worldhavt been ever Form'd. 
 
 CXXIX. 
 
 There are few Great Men who have not Sa- 
 crificed in the Temple of the Mufes : King 
 David Wrote his Pfalms, Julius Cdfar a Poem 
 in Praife of Hercules ; Augufius C<efar liis A- 
 jax, Seneca his Tragedies. Oi]r Cromwell made 
 an Extempore Diftich, when he Diflblv'd the 
 long Parliament; which for it's Oddnefs I fet 
 down. Magna Chart a. Magna fart a, 
 
 CXXX. 
 
 The Difeafes of Wifdom are Covet oufnefs 
 and Ambition, thofe of Fancy are Lewdness and 
 Luxury : The Former injure the [f'Wd ; the 
 Latter only the Perfon that is infefted 
 with 'em. 
 
 CXXXI. 
 
 Nature is many ways confin'd, where (lie 
 is Luxuriant, and Niggardly fupplyM where 
 (lie is Deficient. 
 
 CXXXII. 
 
 Religion is an artificial Reafen; and will 
 make a fW Wife, a /C»^ Honeft, and a 
 turbulent Seditious Sectary a Good Subject. 
 
 C 4 CXXXIII. The 
 
(H) 
 
 cxxxiii. 
 
 The Law of God is but the Law of Realbn 
 reveal'd, and Eftablifh'd under thofe High 
 Rewards and Punifhments of Heaven and 
 Hell. 
 
 CXXXIV. 
 
 He that has no Charity deferves no Mercy. 
 
 cxxxv. 
 
 Some Men had rather be without Reputa- 
 tion themfelves, then allow others to have 
 any. 
 
 CXXXVI. 
 
 Good Wit has the Sting as well as the Ho- 
 ney of the Bee : It differs from Wifdom as 
 the Edge of a Razor does from that of an 
 Jxe. 
 
 CXXXVII. 
 
 Buffoonry and Scurrility are the Corruption 
 of Wit., as Kjiavery is of Wifdom. 
 
 CXXXVIII. 
 
 The Great Vulgar are more to be defpisM 
 than the Small. The one Brutally negle&s 
 Learning, the other wants means to obtain it. 
 
 CXXXIX, 
 Envy and Malice make us know others ; 
 Self Jove hinders us from knowing our felves. 
 
 CXL. Judg- 
 
( *s ; 
 
 CXL. 
 
 Judgment is the Fruit of Experience and 
 Observation, but it will not thrive in every 
 Soil. 
 
 CXLI. 
 
 Wit andJMufick, like Wine and Women, 
 are beft a part. 
 
 CXLII. 
 None but Englijh Men Drink with their 
 Miftreffes. 
 
 CXLIII. 
 
 Men often think they are Courted and 
 followed for their good Company, when 
 at bottom it is only for ths fake of ridiculing 
 fome defe&inthem, which they themfelves 
 don't perceive and others do. 
 
 CXLIV. 
 
 Hs makes a Silly Fellow no unwelcome Pre- 
 fent, who brings him fuch another Coxcomb 
 as himfelf. 
 
 CXLV. 
 I can't tell who is moft to blame, he that 
 makes a Secret of nothing, or he that makes 
 a Secret of every thing. 
 
 CXLVL Friends 
 
( *6 5 
 
 CXLVL 
 Friends fhould never fay arty thing of one 
 another, that is not to their Advantage. 
 
 CXLVIL 
 I will tell a Merry Story of my Friend in 
 one Company, and Deny or Excufe it in ano- 
 ther. 
 
 CXLVIII. 
 
 Men fhould take care what they fay of Or 
 thers, and to whom. 
 
 CXLIX. 
 All Men are fuppos'd Friends, who have no 
 Reafcn to be, or make no ffjew of being, o- 
 therwife. 
 
 CL. 
 k The Duke de Grammont kept a fcale of 
 Friendship ; if he found a Man more his Friend 
 than he thought him, He put fomething into 
 it as to that Perfon ; if he found he were lefs 
 his Friend than he expeded, he took fome« 
 what out. 
 
 CLI. 
 Men fhould not Love, much lefs Hate up- 
 on Hear-fay. 
 
 CLII. 
 
 Few can, and none will, give a true Cha- 
 racter of a confiderable Man to a Prince, if 
 
 he 
 
(*7> 
 
 he be not of his Court : They will Sell him, 
 'tis true, a good Name, but will freely give 
 him nothing. 
 
 CLin. 
 
 Such as beft deferve Friends are leaft Indu- 
 ftrious in procuring them. 
 
 CLTV. 
 
 JJfidaity, Hypocryfie, Flattery , and Bribery, 
 are the Wings that mount us to Preferment. 
 
 CLV. 
 
 Changing Officers without Caufe, is ill Haf- 
 
 b an dry. "*■ 
 
 CLVI. 
 
 If a Man finds he is not like to make a long 
 Gain, he will make a quick one. 
 
 CLVII. 
 He that refolves to die as high in Quality 
 and Fortune as poflible, muft live very Sla- 
 vifhly and very Kjiavifoly. 
 
 CLVIII. 
 Men and Things are fo difguisM to Princes, 
 1 that their Errors may be excused, and their 
 Excellencies admired. 
 
 CLIX. 
 
( »& ; 
 
 CLIX. 
 We have known one reprefented in ou r 
 time as a Mad-man at Kjnfington, while he 
 was making Laws at Weflminfler, with as good 
 Judgment and Reputation as ever. 
 
 CLX. 
 
 A Woman had rather lofe her Gallant at 
 Tyburn, than to a Rival. 
 
 CLXI. 
 
 The Reafon why Women have a greater 
 re in the Government of France, than they 
 have in that of England, is, becaufe France 
 is a Government of Men, and England a Go- 
 vernment of Laws, the former they know 
 how to manage, the latter they are not bred 
 to understand. 
 
 CLXII. 
 
 Witty Men commit the mod Fatal Errors, 
 as the Strongeft Horfes make the moft dange- 
 rous Stumbles. 
 
 CLXIII. 
 A moderate Genius goes fair and foftly ; 
 and advances {lowly, but more certainly to 
 a Defign. 
 
 CLXIIL 
 Men are commonly cheated when they 
 firft enter upon Play ; and Women in their 
 firft Intrigue. 
 
 CLXIV. 
 
( *9) 
 
 CLXIV. 
 
 Thofe who beftow moft good words upon 
 Friendship, feldom go any farther ; they Cully 
 to hide their want of Courage. 
 
 CLXV. 
 
 He who fpeaks againft Religion deferves 
 to be torn to Pieces by the Mob whom 
 he endeavours to Unchain. 
 
 CLXVI. 
 
 The Clergy fhould let fall fome of their 
 Hypocrifie, and the Gentry fhould take it up, 
 that they may think better of one another. 
 
 clxvil 
 
 To make a great Man your Friend, you 
 mull Pimp to his Avarice, Lufi or Revenge. 
 
 CLXVIL 
 Fear can keep a Man out of Danger, but 
 Courage only can fupport him in it. 
 
 CLXVIII. 
 Our greateft D if appointments proceed from 
 our unreafonable Expectations. 
 
 CLXIX. 
 
CLXIX. 
 
 A Trench Woman governs her Gallant, even 
 in matters of high eft importance : an Englijfj 
 Woman is a {lave to hers. 
 
 CLXX, 
 Earl Bofwell fell out with Mary y Queen of 
 Scots, becaufe fhe would not Poyfon her Son 
 James I. to make way for his Jjfue by her 
 to the Crown. 
 
 CLXXI. 
 The bed Stomachs can eat longeft of the 
 fame Dijh, for which Reafon Women are more 
 conftant than Men. 
 
 CLXXII. 
 Spending one's time ill is a Fault, but fpend- 
 ing it ill at Church, is worft of all. 
 
 CLXXIII. 
 Abandoning our Parifh,and running frorfi 
 Church to Church, is a Degree of Spiritual 
 hcontinency. 
 
 CLXXIV. 
 Getting of Ladies by drinking theirHealthf, 
 now called Toajling 'em, is fuch another Pro- 
 ject as a late Prince had of bringing in Pope- 
 ry with a Protejtant Army. 
 
 CLXXY 
 
CLXXV. 
 .A Man who does any Service ought to be 
 the better for his Prince: Yet fo as his Prime 
 be not the worfe for him. 
 
 CLXXVL 
 
 Illegal and unreafonable Requejts are im- 
 prudent as well as impudent. 
 
 CLXXII. 
 Courtiers brought Charles I. into Want\ 
 that Want^ux. him upon Illegal ways of raifing 
 Money , thofe Illegal impositions rais'd a PVar, 
 which ended not but with the Life of that 
 Unfortunate Prince. 
 
 CLXXIII. 
 A Gentleman is judged of by his Company, 
 2l Workman by his Tools, and a Prince by his 
 Minifters. 
 
 CLXXIX. 
 By Variety we prevent Satiety. 
 
 CLXXX. 
 A Polititian reads all that has been Writ- 
 ten upon his Subjeft, that he may Write it 
 over again , a Poet do's the like left he 
 fliould. 
 
 CLXXXL 
 
(30 
 
 CLXXXL 
 
 Men veaerate ancient Virtue, and Envy the 
 Prefent : while we look upon 'em thro' fuch 
 different Glajfes the former muft carry it. 
 
 CLXXXII. 
 
 If a Man be Powerful, 'tis ten to one if I be 
 the better for him : if he be agreeable, 'tis the 
 fame Odds but I am : Yet the one is Court- 
 ed, the other not. 
 
 CLXXXIII. 
 
 The People are agitated by Parties and 
 Factions, as Seas are by contrary Winds. 
 
 CLXXXIV. 
 
 Many Men are wanting to Opportunity , 
 but Opportunity to more. 
 
 CLXXXV. 
 
 There's never a day paffes wherein a Man 
 may not be made Mijer able, yet there is no day 
 in which he is not Proud,InJolent and Conceited. 
 
 CLXXXVI. 
 
 A Prince fhou'd refleft that he Governs 
 Men, and that he himfelf is butO^. 
 
 CLXXXVII. There 
 
C 33 ) 
 
 CLXXXVII. 
 
 There is a Home Conquefi as well as a 
 Foreign, and that is near at Hand when 
 Ufurers , Lawyers, Courtiers, fmall Officers 
 belonging to the Revenue, and other Vp-ftarts 
 poflefs themfelves of the Eftates of Country 
 Gentlemen, debauch their Corporations, and 
 get into their Seats in Parliament* 
 
 CLXXXVIIL 
 
 The Remedy is not fo vifible as the Difeafi* 
 
 riWWi 
 
 X> LA- 
 
 P 
 
 , - t , . vv'r- . ;' j r:; ; ^a- , y . " . v: . v. ' * ** <*, *. 
 
I 
 
 I 
 
(35) 
 
 j^— — —— — i —■»■—— " ■ ' i. ii. n it, I.. .- 
 
 L A C N I C S: 
 
 O R, 
 
 0m IWajrims 
 
 O F 
 
 State and Converfatiom 
 
 Part II. 
 
 i. 
 
 Ehas thegreateft blind fide that think! 
 he \a&tione. 
 
 II. 
 
 The good Opinion we have of our felve% 
 is the Foundation of what we have of others, j 
 
 H 
 
 ni. 
 
 •Tis pitty that the Juftice of a Man's 
 Caufe cannot , always carry it agaitift the 
 SliBtilty cf his Adverfary's Council. 
 
 B 3 W: TfherS 
 
(3« ) 
 
 IV. 
 
 There is a Fafliion for Wit as well as 
 C/oaths, therefore the prefent is no proper 
 Judge of what is part, and fhould not pretend 
 to give Laws for what is to come. 
 
 V. 
 
 We often complain of a Coldnefs in our 
 Friends Affection, to Juftifie ourfelves if he 
 fhould fufpect any Change in us. 
 
 VI. 
 
 We are fometimes conftant in our Loves, 
 not out of a Continuation of liking, but a 
 Vain-glory of appearing Conftant. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Intereft as well as Vice puts on the Mafque 
 of Venue. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 The temper oi the Mind is no more in 
 our power, than the Health of the Body; 
 2vA we can't injure our felves from being an- 
 gry to Morrow any more than from having 
 a Fit cf the Colick. 
 
 IX. The 
 
( 37 ) 
 
 IX. 
 
 The Fair Sex would be an agreeable A- 
 mufement to Mankind if they did not make 
 fo deep an Impreffion. 
 
 X. 
 
 Love is often commended without defign ; 
 and continued we know not why. 
 
 XI. 
 
 Hatred is as juftifiable as Love : and of- 
 ten not fo Cruel. 
 
 XII. 
 
 Lovers always complain of their Hearts, 
 but neverthelefs their Diftemper lies in 
 their Heads. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Curiofity is often a Vice ; yet Daughter 
 toReafon. Many times we defireto know 
 only becaufe others do not. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 The Qualifications of our Mind are very 
 uncertain, and are good qr bad only as the 
 Juncture makes 'em. 
 
 D ? XV. No 
 
( 3» ) 
 
 xv. 
 
 No Man has a particular Fault, which he 
 does not think he finds in all Mankind. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 Vice has a greater influence than Vertue. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 Want of Care does us more mifchief than 
 want of Knowledge. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Our endeavour to be thought Wife, is an 
 Argument we are not fo. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 The Throne would be very uneafie if the 
 jLcclefiaJlicd Authority had not perfwaded 
 ps it was Sacred. 
 
 XX. 
 
 That is not the only Error we ftand in- 
 debted to the Church for. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 Reafons of State are fo very intricate, 
 that a good Minifter can hardly be a good 
 Man, 
 
 XXII. There 
 
(139 ) 
 
 XXII. 
 
 There are fomany contingencies to make 
 every defign abortive , that it is almoft 
 Miraculous if any onefucceed. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 If the real Truth were known, it was 
 accident not the prudence of the Minifters 
 that made the Turn of State. 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 Interett that makes fome Men Blind, makes 
 others very {barp-ftghted. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 The Moderation of happy People is not 
 anEffeftof their Judgment; but a Calm is 
 of their Humours. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 Princes are often Merciful only to gain the 
 good-mil of their Subjects. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 The good-humour of fome , whofe cir- 
 cumftances put them above the World, pro- 
 ceeds from the Fear of Envy, and a know- 
 ledge of that juft contempt every body has 
 for Pride. 
 
 D 4 XXVIII. The 
 
( 4° ) 
 
 XXVIII. 
 The affability of fome Great Men, is to 
 make us believe their Goodnefs greater thaji 
 their Fortune, 
 
 XXIX. 
 Some Generals are prouder of a Scratch ^than 
 a Private Centinelof the Lofs of a Limb. 
 XXX. 
 Yet I know a Tcung-Officer that values him- 
 felfmore upon his Wooden-Leg^ih&nhlsCap 
 and Feather. 
 
 XXXI. 
 Courage is not always //mm* e : and a Man 
 may leai n to be Brave, as well as to Exer- 
 cife a Batallwn. 
 
 XXXII. 
 Jealoujie is a pardonable Paffion ; it is only a 
 I>yFre of keeping what is our Onw, or what at 
 leaft we think fo. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 If we had not Faults of our own , we 
 fhould not be fo glad to obferve 'em in other 
 People. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 We tell others of their Faults more out of 
 Pride than a Defire they fhou'd Mend \ and 
 call them to Account out oi : Ofient at ion, as if 
 we Our (elves were Innocent. 
 
 XXXV. 
 
(V) 
 
 XXXV. 
 Love only without a Companion, is an ill 
 inducement to Matrimony. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 Some Perfons Preach and Pray themfehes 
 into Religion ; , as Hobbs Difputed himfelf out 
 of it, . 
 
 XXXVII. 
 The Lives of the Clergy fecond their 
 Do&rinesfo ill, that they make Atheiftsof 
 thofe that might prove honourable Con- 
 verts. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 He that wou'dmake me believe a danger, 
 mult firft fhew me that he Fears it himfelf. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 Not only Love but every other Paffion, 
 makes Fools of Wife Men, and Wife Men of 
 Fools. 
 
 XL. 
 
 Folly is a Weaknefs of Nature which we 
 are too Partial in defining in Favour of our 
 felves or others. 
 
 XLI. 
 
 Love is eafier to Counterfeit, than Conceal : 
 Yet if Women did not Flatter themfelves, 
 we cou'd not fo much impofe on them. 
 
 LXII. Every 
 
(V) 
 
 XLIL 
 
 Every PafTion moves by a peculiar Inte- 
 reft, and we ought to be very Cautious how 
 we fwallow their Reafons. 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 The Favours we confer turn often as 
 much to our Difadvantage , as the ill 
 Offices we render. 
 
 XLIV. 
 'Tis the Nature of the Creature makes 
 the Honey-Suckle Poyfon to the Spider, and 
 not to the Bee. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 A Prince's Negligence or Fear ; or fome- 
 times a Word from a Favorite, or importu- 
 nity from fome body elfe, makes a Pardon 
 Pafs for an Aft of Mercy, when his Cle- 
 mency had nothing to do in it. 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 To be often in Love fhews Levity of 
 Mind; but to be never fo, Stupidty. 
 
 XLVII. 
 He that Forfwears being in Love Proclaims 
 himfelf a Fool. 
 
 XLV III. He 
 
XLVIII. 
 
 He that Marries for an Eftate, is Happier 
 than he cxpe&ed, if he meets with a good 
 Wife. 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Women are neither thofe Angels nor 
 thofe Devils we defcribe 'em. 
 
 L. 
 
 Matrimony is not fo Heavy a Yoke as Bat- 
 chelors pretend, nor fo Eafie as the Husbands 
 give out: Yet would be a much more happy 
 State than generally it is found,if 'twere enter 
 ed upon as it ought. 
 
 LI. 
 
 Who thinks zWoman has no Merit but her 
 Money, ought to be a Cuckold. 
 
 LII. 
 
 A violent Paflion hardly ever brought two 
 together, but it made 'em Miferable. 
 
 LIII. 
 
 What the generality of men take for Vir- 
 tues , are only Vices in Masquerade. 
 
 LIV. Many 
 
(44) 
 
 LIV. 
 
 Many great A&ions owe their Succefs to 
 Chance, tho' the General and Statesman run 
 *way with the Jpplaufe. 
 
 LV. 
 
 'Tis not always Courage that makes a Man 
 Fight, nor Chafiity that kzepsWomen from be- 
 ing Whores. 
 
 LVI. 
 
 We often Judge Wrong, becaufe we don't 
 fee things as really they are. 
 
 LVII. 
 
 Ignorance in many things is not a Reproach to 
 Mankind, becaufe it fhews the infinity of that 
 Wtfdom that Created, 'em. 
 
 LVIII. 
 
 5 Tis but a Precarious Felicity not to be 
 Miferable. 
 
 LIX. 
 
 The making our Fortune lyes oftner in our 
 Power than we think for : and we Mifcarry 
 only becaufe, in the Hurry and Diffraction 
 of what Method to take, we lofe the opportu- 
 nity of the beH. 
 
 LX. Our 
 
(45) 
 
 LX. 
 
 Our pity is often mifapply'd : for none 
 can tell what another Feels, 
 
 LXI. 
 
 There is a great deal of Hypocrifie in 
 Sick-men, the Convulfions of their Eyes and 
 Contorfions of their Faces is not always an 
 effeft of pain : they fpeak low to make us 
 believe 7 em Faint ; they Sigh and Shriek out 
 to force our Compaflion, then fuddenly Re- 
 colled themfelves to a Calm : by all thefe 
 Grimaces of Pain they would prepoflefs us of 
 the greatnefs of their Sufferings, and by their 
 Refignation, perfwade us of their Piety. 
 
 LXII. 
 
 Some Men have been thought Jirave be- 
 carafe in the Heat of the Battel they were 
 afraid to Run away. 
 
 LXIII. 
 A Brave Man may do himfelf Juftice with- 
 out Vanity, but hardly without Cenfure. 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 Moft Men are Shocked when any one is ve- 
 ry much Commended : We think every Body 
 I latter* d but our fehes. 
 
 LXV. A 
 
LXV. 
 
 A Gentleman may think ill of a Woman, 
 but will never [peak it. 
 
 LXVI. 
 
 A Woman is oftner unhappy in the Perfon 
 flie Choofes, then in the Favour ihe Grants. 
 
 LXVII. 
 
 'Tis difficult to bring a Woman to Confefs 
 fhe Loves you, but when {he has once done 
 it fhe has no further Secret to keep from you. 
 
 LXVIII. 
 
 No Law binds Women fo much as Modefij • 
 If they once break that, there is none they 
 will keep. 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 Reputation is a greater Tye upon a Woman 
 than Nature, or they would not commit 
 Murder to prevent Infamy. 
 
 LXX. 
 
 The fear of Difgrace is often all the 
 Virtue a Woman has. 
 
 LXXI. £ib- 
 
 
( 47 ; 
 
 LXXI. 
 
 Education to a Gentleman, is like an Artifi 
 to a rough Diamond, even the worft receives 
 an Embellifhment. 
 
 LXXIL 
 
 Wife Men are the better for Travelling ; but 
 fools are always the Worfe. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 
 He that pretends to hate Woman-kind \% 
 only in Love with himfelf. 
 
 LXXIV. 
 
 We call Fortune Blind, becaufe we are 
 fo our felves. 
 
 LXXV. 
 She that Scorns every Body, will Court 
 the Man that Scorns her. 
 
 Pride is fo Effential to Women, that they 
 willfometimes Sacrifice their Honours to en- 
 large their GonqueJPs. 
 
 LXXVL 
 
 We had rather accufe Nature, than our 
 felves, and therefore Tax her with thofe 
 very overfights we our felves commit. 
 
 LXXVIL Some 
 
(4«) 
 
 LXVII. 
 
 Some Men are Peevijh in their itlnefs. Out 
 of envy toanothers Health. 
 
 LXXVIII. 
 We pay Cent, per Cent .for every Pleafure 
 mthoutFirtue. 
 
 LXXIX. 
 
 A Woman never thinks how Falfe fhe is 
 to her felf, nor ever Pardons a Man's being 
 fo to her. 
 
 LXXX. 
 
 Virtues go often alone. Vices never. 
 
 LXXXI. 
 
 When a Woman has granted that one thing, 
 fhe afterwards can refufe nothing. 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 We don't always Love the Woman xve 
 think Handfome. 
 
 LXXXIIL 
 
 Love is very unaccountable ; and never fo 
 Violent but one unexpected A&ionmaytiiriiit 
 to hatred. 
 
 LXXXIV, Theraf 
 
(49) 
 
 LXXXIV. 
 
 There is a Fatality attends our A&ion's • 
 they are feldom good or bad meerly as \> 
 them. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 An unexpe£ted turn of Affairs has fre- 
 quently given a Luftre to an indifferent 
 States-man. 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 
 The good Opinion we have of our felves 
 makes us Blind to all other Men's Virtues. 
 
 LXXXVII. 
 
 Envy is fo great a Protff of a a Poor Spirit 
 that no Body will Own it, and yet no Body is 
 without it. 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 
 None could Flatter us,if we did not Flatter 
 our felves firft. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 The Satisfa&ion we take in a Friends good 
 Fortune , is not from a Principle of good 
 Nature, butlntereft : Weexpe&to rife in 
 our turns, or to be the better for them that 
 are rifen. 
 
 XC Pride 
 
( 50 ; 
 
 xc. 
 Pride is a Monfter that reconciles all Con- 
 traditions : it will Suffer it felf to be trampled 
 upon in hopes to rife; is infolent where it 
 can't be advanced ; will beg tho' it may com- 
 mand, and refufe where it can oblige ; it keeps 
 it felf within its felf, yet is open to every 
 Body : It is fparing and Expenfive, Meek and 
 Imperious, a Tyrant and a Slave : It is it*s 
 own Idol, yet will bow down to any Body : 
 But what Devotion foever it pays toothers, 
 it tends all to it felf at Laft. 
 
 XCI. 
 Paffion is born with us, and cannot Dye 
 without us. 
 
 XCIL 
 
 'Tis not a Love to Vertue, but a Felicity 
 of Temper that makes us good. 
 
 xcnr. 
 
 What we will do, is not in our power to 
 Determine, iince we cannot tell what will 
 kappen. 
 
 XCIV. 
 
 Our partiality to our felves makes us unjuft 
 to other Men. 
 
 XCV. We 
 
( ) 
 
 XCV; 
 'Tis true, We are not alway^ vain enough 
 to think our felves the beft, but feldom \vUl 
 allow any Body to be much better. 
 
 XCVI. 
 
 We don't repent out of Horrour for hav- 
 ing offended ; but for fear of being punifhM. 
 
 xcvir. 
 
 We fhould never condemn Injujlice, but 
 that we fear'd to be Lofers by it. 
 
 XCVIII. 
 
 We have been J udgcs ]ult y not out of 
 Equity, but Oftentation. 
 
 XCIX. 
 
 ; Some known fo hatdned in the Autho- 
 rity of their Scarlet , that they have Dafd 
 publickly to oppofe Jultice, 
 
 C. 
 
 Others have Cringed for the Mace, and 
 then Laugh'' } d at their Sbveraie^s Frowns. 
 
 CL Some 
 
(5*) 
 
 ci. 
 
 Some have F/V^Menconfiderably for the 
 very fame Fault they came juft from Com- 
 mitting themfelves. 
 
 CIL 
 
 A Man calmly draws a Bi/loi Divorce, 
 and rails bitterly at the Lady , yet at 
 the fame interim comes reeking from Adultery 
 himfelf. 
 
 cm. 
 
 Some 'Judges are Severe, not out of a De- 
 legation to Crimes, but a Thirfi of Blood. 
 
 CIV. 
 
 He that is p leafed with an Accufation , 
 fhews he Loves Mifchief. 
 
 CV. 
 
 *Tis eafier to Ridicule, than Commend. 
 
 CVI. 
 
 A young Man can't fupport the Chara&er 
 of RefervH, without being Impertinent. 
 
 CVII. 
 
 Boldnefs in Youth marks a Fire in the 
 Temper, which time and care will bring to 
 good. 
 
 CVIII. A 
 
 
( 53 ) 
 
 CVI1I. 
 
 A Woman always Loves a Man becaufe he is 
 a Man ; we Love a Woman becaufe flic is 
 Handfome. 
 
 CIX. 
 
 Nothing makes us fo eafie in the unequal 
 Distribution of the Goods of Fortune, as the 
 Opinion we have of our own Defert. 
 
 CX. 
 
 'Twas not Probity made the Philofophers 
 Contemn Riches, but their Vanity turn'd 
 their Dejpair into a Seeming Vertue. 
 
 CXI. 
 
 A Quaker is Prouder of his Diminutive Cra- 
 vat, than a Beau of his Steenkirk. 
 
 CXII. 
 
 It ought to be a very great Mortification 
 to a Man to Confider how very inconfiftent 
 he is with himfelf. 
 
 CXIII. 
 
 'Tis not Temperance but Fear of being Sick 
 that makes us Abfiemiom. 
 
 E ? CXIV. H 
 
( 54) 
 
 CXIV. 
 
 Want of Conuderation is the Mother of moft 
 Follies. - 
 
 CXV. 
 Kings often Iput on a Careful Look, that 
 their Grandeur may be lefs invidious to th'eir 
 Subje&s. 
 
 CXVI. 
 The Severeft Article of Dependance to a 
 Man of Honour, is that he muft fufFer his 
 Patron. 
 
 CXVII. 
 
 Virtue is but a. poor Reward to it felf ; yet 
 very rarely has any othei* 
 
 CXVIII. 
 If Kings had not Guilt the Profeffion of 
 Arms with Honour and Advantage, no rea- 
 sonable Man would bt a. Sacrifice to their Am- 
 bition and Injuftice ; and Profefs himfelf an 
 open Enemy to thofe that never did him any 
 Harm. 
 
 CXIX. 
 
 The Diadem is not (o/ofi Lin'd, but that it 
 Sits Heavy on every Monarchs Brows. 
 
 CXX. 
 
 We are often kind to the Woman we Love* 
 out of Vanity, more than Inclination. 
 
 CXXI. 'Tis 
 
 
(55) 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 'Tis a fad Truth , tho' Women won't Be - 
 lieve it, that our Paffion Ends where their's 
 Begins. 
 
 CXXII. 
 
 There muft be a Concurrence of Chance to 
 make a Great Man-, Merit alone will never do it. 
 
 CXXIII. 
 'Tis the Misfortune of Kings , that the 
 Grandeur of their State, won't permit 'em to 
 taftof the Felicities of a Private Life. 
 
 1 ; CXXIV. 
 If they did D/«z/£/?thcmfelves of the L*/?re 
 of their Authority we fhould fee they were 
 hut Men, and have the /^J regard for 'em. 
 
 cxxv. 
 
 That Prince has but an /// time on't who 
 neither Loves his People, nor they Fear him. 
 
 CXXVI. 
 The Hearts of Subjefts are theStrongeft 
 Forts a King can have. 
 
 CXXVII. 
 There is nothing really Augujl in the Per- 
 fon of a King, but his Goodnejs. 
 
 E 4 CXXVIII. Power 
 
< 5* ■) 
 
 CXXVIII. 
 Power Mifapplfd is the Mifery of a People. 
 
 CXXIX. 
 Many can bear Adverfity^ but few Contempt. 
 
 cxxx. 
 
 The Straightnefs of fome Peoples Circum- 
 fhnceS) would be lefs int oiler able ^ if lefs £####. 
 
 CXXXL 
 'Tis Pme and not Nature that Craves for 
 More. 
 
 CXXXII. 
 
 Some pretend to be Zealous Patriots only to 
 Cloak their Malice and Ambition ; therefore 
 are always railing at Governments it they 
 can have no hand in them. 
 
 CXXXIIL 
 
 The befl Minifters are bad in fome Men's 
 Eyes : yet the rvorjl are more capable than 
 they themfelves are. 
 
 GXXXIV. 
 
 A fudden Change of State has given rife to 
 a Man that lay long Obfeure : yet he fupported 
 the Lufire of the Purfe with fome Honour , 
 tho' not without Sufpicion of Improbity. 
 
 CXXV. There 
 
Cst) 
 
 exxxv. 
 
 There is a Prince Born far from Paris, 
 who Governs his People without being Be- 
 loved by them, and runs no great Rifque from 
 their Hatred : It is Miraculous to fee what 
 Work he has Cut out and FiniflhM with 
 fuch Tools as are about him : yet he buftles 
 through the World not without the Character 
 of a Great Man. 
 
 CXXXVI. 
 
 Folly is the Product of all Countries,and Ages. 
 
 CXXXVII. 
 Wit often expofes a Woman to Danger, as 
 Mettle does a Blind Horfe. 
 
 CXXXVIII. 
 
 The Duties are at prefent fo High upon 
 Preferment, that Men of Honour don't care 
 for Trading. 
 
 CXXXIX. 
 
 Jealoufie is Honouring our Rivals , and 
 undervaluing our felves. 
 
 CXL. 
 
 All Women are P leafed v/khthe jealoujie of 
 their Lovers, and yet it is zSufpicionof their 
 Virtue, 
 
 CXLI. He 
 
( 5« ; 
 
 CXLL 
 
 He that Meafures his Felicity by other 
 Mens Opinions, is either a Fool or a Coward. . 
 
 CXLII. 
 
 He that Rewards Flattery Begs it. 
 
 CXLIII. 
 
 The Ladys will eafily pardon a Man's 
 want of Senfe, but rarely his want of Manners. 
 
 CXLIV. 
 'Tis pity there is fo much Vanity in the 
 Composition of Womankind. 
 
 CXLV. 
 
 Women owe their Ruin more to one an- 
 other than to us. 
 
 cxLvr. 
 
 'Tis Dangerous for a Prince to give Publick 
 Moneys to particular Perfons. 
 
 CXLVIL 
 
 The Weakest Judgments have the Strongejl 
 Pa (lions. 
 
 CXLVIII. The 
 
(59) 
 
 CXLVIII. 
 
 The greatest Misfortune a Prince can have 
 is when he will not hear Truth. 
 
 CXLIX. 
 
 The Wifdomof a Nation calPd a Man to 
 Account, SpewM him out of the Parliament, 
 fent him to Prifon ; the Metropolis of that 
 fame Realm made him a Magtftrate, and the 
 Monarch a Kjiight. 
 
 CL. 
 
 A Golden Shield is of great Defence. 
 
 CLI. 
 
 From the firft Inftiturion of the Priejlhood, 
 they were Covetous ^Gluttonous y and Vnjtift. 
 
 CLII. 
 
 The taking Clergy Men into private Fami- 
 lies has made the wide ft Breaches in Qeconomy. 
 
 CLIII. 
 
 The admitting Men indifferently into Orders 
 has made that Occupation Multiply beyond 
 our Bent fees or our Bounty. 
 
 CLIV. 
 
 The necefftty's of fome Caffocks bring day- 
 ly Reflections on the Mitre. 
 
 CLV. It 
 
(6o ) 
 
 CLV. 
 
 It gives us but an ill Impreflion of the capa- 
 city of the Gentlemen of the Faculty <, to fee 
 Medicines have their Fajbions like Hats and 
 Wiggs : Nothing is Cur'd now without 
 Je/utts Powder, Opium and Steel. 
 
 CLVI. 
 We are Virtuous or Vicious by Complexion. 
 
 CLVII. 
 He that takes the greateft Pains to be 
 thought Bravejs Generally the Greatest Coward. 
 
 CLVII. 
 Men are Martyrs to their Opinion, not i?*- 
 
 CLVIII. 
 'Tis not always want of Courage to refufe 
 to Fight. 
 
 CLIX. 
 We have our Days of Affing well, as of 
 Looking well. 
 
 CLX. 
 
 A Prince muft be a very good Man to 
 make a tolerable One. 
 
 CLXI. 
 We have feen Public Juftice fufpended in 
 Favour of a Private Man's Intereft. 
 
 CLXIL No- 
 
(6i ) 
 
 CLXII. 
 Nothing fometimes Stoops lower than Pride. 
 
 CLXIIi. 
 Some Men arejuftly the Euvj of the People : 
 they get every thing and ikfcm nothing. 
 
 CLXIV. 
 *Tis only Envy that is Offended, when K/r- 
 tue is Preferred. 
 
 CLXV. 
 Some Men Divide themfelves into Parties 
 out ofFaffion not a Lew* to Juftice* 
 
 CLXVI. 
 The Infolence of Officers, makes the tv*#* of 
 Employments more infupportable. 
 
 CLXvir. 
 
 Why can't a Mtf^d be Found to make 
 Men in Places lefs Invidious? 
 
 CLXV III. 
 'Tis irkfome to a People to fee Moneys gi- 
 ved for Publick ufes, Squander d away upon 
 Private Perfons. 
 
 CXLIX; There 
 
(«*) 
 
 CLIX. 
 
 There are Many things a Prince cannot 
 do himfelf , but there is almoH nothing but 
 what he ought to ixjpetf. 
 
 CLXX. 
 
 A Prince that always takes Council of 'Fo- 
 reigners, will be thought fome times not to con- 
 Jult the realy Inter eft of his People. 
 
 CLXXI. 
 Fear is the Root of Danger, and the Fruit 
 of Guilt. 
 
 CLXXII. 
 A Fool or a Coward can never be a real 
 Friend. 
 
 CLXXIII. 
 There is fomewhat that Borders upon 
 Madnels in every Exalted Wit. 
 
 CLXXIV. ^ 
 That People which Conftitutes t^e Honour 
 and Safety of a Prince Ihould at leaft partake 
 ofhisSxiiiles. 
 
 CLXXV. 
 
 ' A Prince may be Familiar with his Sub- 
 jects without Derogating from his Majefty i 
 but not Supercilious without Danger. 
 
 CLXXVL A 
 
(6? ; 
 
 CLXXVI. 
 A Prince that is feldom in his Subjects Eyes, 
 will never be very d^ep in their Hearts. 
 
 CLXXVII. 
 A Wife Man won't Employ a Fool in a 
 Weighty Bufinefs. 
 
 CLXXIIL 
 Ambaffadours that Princes fend are often 
 Look'd upon as the Model of the Court they 
 come from. 
 
 CLXXIX. 
 TVould be more for the Honour and Inte- 
 reft of a Prince to Buy Men, then to Sell 
 Places. 
 
 CLXXX. 
 
 A Wife Prince fhould Suit his Gifts to Mens 
 Capacities, not their Cravings. 
 
 CLXXXI. 
 A Man that Spends his Eftateupon his 
 Eftate, muft be very unfortunate, if he don't 
 improve his Eftate. 
 
 CLXXXII. 
 While Landlords Live in London , they 
 | Sink their Rents in the Country. 
 
 CLXXXIII. To 
 
CLXXXIII. 
 
 , To be Happy a Man mud be neither Invi- 
 dious, nor Contemptible. 
 
 CLXXXIV. 
 
 Princes think it necefl&ry to Promife fome- 
 times , when they know it would not 
 be Wifdom to Perform. 
 
 CLXXXV. 
 'Tis only Pride makes us defire to be 
 Pity'd. 
 
 LCXXXVI. 
 
 Pity is oftner Flattery than Affe&tion. 
 
 CLXXXVII. 
 
 A Fop is in Education what a Pedant is in 
 Learning. 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 He will never be thought a difintereffed 
 Member, who receives a Penfion from the 
 Crown. 
 
 CLXXXIX. 
 Lawyers in Parliament, as elfewhere,ofther 
 Puzzle than clear a Caufe.J 
 
 CXC. A 
 

 (6 5 ) 
 cxc. 
 
 A Place at Court is a Continual Bribe. 
 
 CXCI. 
 
 Why is not a Regiment as great a Bribe a3 
 fo much a Year out of the Privy Purfe ? 
 
 CXCIL 
 
 Soldiers in Parliament will hardly ever 
 promote War, if they are Eftablilh'd in time 
 of Peace. 
 
 CXCIII. 
 
 What Women call Inconftancy in us, is 
 not an Argument of Levity, but their Inef- 
 ficiency to Pleafe. 
 
 CXCIV. 
 
 He that Courts what he pretends not to 
 like, is only afraid others fhould be of his 
 Mind. 
 
 cxcv. 
 
 Thofe will never Value how rhucli. Mony 
 they give the King, who are to Divide it af- 
 ter it is given. 
 
 cxcvi. 
 
 Who knows when to Leave off Taking for 
 himfeif ? 
 
 F CaCVIL Women 
 
(66) 
 
 CLCXVII. 
 
 Women are fooner Pleafed than Men, but 
 not fo foon Satisfied. 
 
 CLXCVIII. 
 
 A good Man will think himfelf alwaysyour 
 Debtor, if you have done him ever fo little 
 Service. 
 
 CLXCIX. 
 
 'Tis a fhame that a Man of known Capa- 
 city, and Integrity fhould not be in a Condi- 
 tion to Serve his Country, without Cringing 
 to every Scoundrel of a Corporation. 
 
 CC. 
 
 A Woman may pretend (he's Angry when 
 we tell her we Love her : But in her Heart to 
 be fure fhe's Pleas'd. 
 
 CCL 
 
 Some Women have fuch a Vanity to be 
 talk'd of, that they had rather their Faults 
 fhould be Expos'd than not have their Names 
 in every Body's Mouth. 
 
 CC1I. 
 
 Many were thought able Men till they 
 came to be Employ'd. 
 
 CCIII. Some 
 
( 67 ) 
 
 GCIII. 
 
 Some People have Naturally fuch arl In 
 temperance of Speech, that they will rathe* 
 Talk of their own Faults, than let thei r 
 Tongues lye ftill. 
 
 CCIV. 
 
 "We charge Nature with all our Faults, but 
 make our Virtues pafs for the Effeft of our 
 Reafon and Choice, and both injuftly. 
 
 Ccv. 
 
 The Fear of Death has not that power over 
 us as that of Reproach. 
 
 CCVI. 
 
 Nature has made Man Legible to almofl: 
 every Body buthimfelf. 
 
 CCVII. 
 
 We are moft of us made Cowards by the 
 Foolifh impreffions of our Infancy. 
 
 cevni. 
 
 He has Liv'd to a good old Age indeed 
 Mio never was Capable of Folly. " 
 
 F i €CIX, Na- 
 
(68 ) 
 
 CCIX. 
 
 Nature made it a Stone, the Statuary an 
 Image, and our Bowing down to it, a God. 
 
 ccx. 
 
 Few of us would have Courage enough 
 to dare to Live, if our Pride did not draw a 
 Veil over the moft Confiderable of our 
 WeaknefTes. 
 
 CCXI. 
 
 'Tisoutof hopes we Promife ; but out of 
 Fear that we perform. 
 
 CCXII. 
 
 Intereft is an Extraordinary Aftor ; 
 there is no part, ever fo high or low but it 
 can Aft. 
 
 CCXIII. 
 
 He that refufes to be Commended, only 
 defires you to Commend him again. 
 
 CCXIV. 
 
 The defire of Praife makes us often do our 
 Duty. 
 
 CCXV. 
 
 'Tis Nature that gives us the Merit ; but 
 Chance that Rewards us for it. 
 
 CCVL There 
 
(6 9 ) 
 
 CCXVL 
 
 There is fomethingof Intrinfic Value in all 
 Coyn that makes it Current : But the King 
 makes a Nobleman of whom he pleafes, and 
 the World muft receive him as fuch. 
 
 CCXVII. 
 
 There are many don't believe themfelves 
 Handfome, but not one that thinks himfelf 
 intolerable. 
 
 CCXIII. 
 
 If I were as inconfiderable in my own 
 Eyes,as I may be in fome ofmy Neighbour^ 
 I fhould hardly be fo impudent as to Live. 
 
 CCXIX. 
 
 Not "only Beauty gives Love, but Love 
 Beauty to the Objeft that raifes it ; and if the 
 PofTeflion be ftrong enough, let it come from 
 what it will, there will always be Beauty 
 enough in the Perfon that gives it. 
 
 cexx. 
 
 We are never fo ridiculous by the Defefts 
 we have, as by thofe we endeavour to con- 
 ceal, or Affeft to Poffefs. 
 
 F j CCXXI. All 
 
(79) 
 
 CCXXI. 
 
 All is not (aid, all is not done : there will 
 ever fomething Nm appear in the World^ 
 cither in Sciences or Arts. 
 
 CCXXII. 
 
 Few Men Pleafeus ; Agreed : But then we 
 we Pleafe as few. 
 
 CCXXIII. 
 A wife Man ought to avoid a precipitate 
 Fortune : 'Tislike a Flood which is foon fol- 
 lowed by an Ebb. 
 
 CCXXIV. 
 
 We Bufie our Selves in Inftructing Others, 
 yet do not care to take the Advice we give. 
 
 ccxxv. 
 
 Women have all in their Power, becaufe 
 they Govern thofe that Command All. 
 
 CCXXVL 
 
 Women are thofe that do more Mifchief 
 by their Love, than their Hatred. 
 
 CCXXVIL 
 
 Many are capable of getting Reputation, 
 but lew are able to Manage it well when 
 gotten. 
 
 CXXr/IIL Some 
 
(7i ) 
 
 CCXXVIII. 
 
 Some Men become Merit, and others do 
 not. 
 
 CCXXIX. 
 
 The Name of a Wit is become a Slander, 
 fince it is commonly beftow'd by thole that 
 have none, upon thofe that have licrie. 
 
 GCXXX. 
 
 I know no Merit fufficient to Ballance an 
 ill Aftion. 
 
 CCXXXI. 
 
 We ought not to Flatter our felves, that we 
 pleafe in all things, fince 'twould be fufficient 
 if we could pleafe in fome. 
 
 ccxxxir. 
 
 A Critick, in the Modern Acceptation, 
 rarely rifes in the World : His Profeffion 
 keeps him under ; when a Candid Judge of 
 things, gains every Body's Elleem. 
 
 CCXXXIII. 
 
 If we deceive we are oftentimes more 
 oblig'd to anothers Weaknefs, than our own 
 Cunning. 
 
 F 4 CCXXXIK Ei- 
 
ccxxxiv. 
 
 Either Decline being trufted with a Secret, 
 cr endeavour to render your felf capable of 
 keeping it. 
 
 ccxxxv. 
 
 He that Affects always fhewing his 
 Wit, feldom fails of letting the World know 
 that he has little or none. 
 
 ccxxxvi. 
 
 The only way to be reveng'd on a Perfon 
 that Talks too much, is not to give him 
 the Hearing. 
 
 CCXXXVII. 
 
 Some People would pleafe more in Con- 
 verfation, if they did not endeavour to tell all 
 in a Moment that they had been Learning 
 many Years. 
 
 CCXXXIII. 
 
 Always apprehend the Vifits of thofe whofe 
 Memories,or Pockets may Furnifh them with 
 means to Difturb you. 
 
 CCIX. 
 
 To have neither Merits, nor Fortune is the 
 greateft unhappinefs that can befall a Man ; 
 butthe Gift of either recompenfes the want 
 of one. 
 
 CCXL. The 
 
( ?? ) 
 
 CCXL. 
 
 The firft ftep to a Great Man's Favour, is 
 to get in w 7 ith his Miftrefs, or his Valet de 
 Chambre. 
 
 CCXLI. 
 
 Pride does not become a Rich Man, but 
 *tis Infupportable in a Poor one. 
 
 CCXLII. 
 
 A Parfon that is now a days contented with 
 two Benefices, may be faid to be moderate, 
 but he that is Satisfied with one is a Prodigy. 
 
 CCXLIII. 
 
 If Garther J s Dijpexfary wanted Indulgence, 
 the Fault was not in the Morals of the Poet, 
 but in the Unconfcionablenefs of the Jpothe- 
 c xries and their Adherents. 
 
 CCXLIV. 
 
 A Clergy Man is concerned at his want of 
 Memory to Preach without Book : His Con- 
 cern is an Effefl; of his Pride, and yet he 
 comes to Preach of Humility. 
 
 CCXLV. 
 
 Strange Unnatural Fathers ! You will nei- 
 ther give your Children occafion to Love 
 you whilft you Live, nor to regret the Lofs of 
 you after you are Dead. 
 
 CCXLVI. A 
 
( 1\) 
 
 CCXLVL 
 
 A Man the moftlndependanthas always 
 fome body that Governs him. 
 
 CCXLVII. 
 
 A Woman muftbe very Accomplifh'd in- 
 deed, that can prevent her Husband's being 
 concern'd at his Marrying of her. 
 
 CCXLVIII. 
 
 Friendfhips feem confirmed by Virtue of 
 Alliances, but are neverthelefs often disjoined, 
 on Account of Interefts. 
 
 CCXLIX. 
 
 A Man that delay s to Marry his Daughter? 
 is many times a Grandfather before he de- 
 
 ■fir*»c it 
 
 CCL. 
 
 Marriage makes very few People happy, 
 becaufe few Marry with a defign to be fo. 
 
 ecu. 
 
 If a Woman's Councel be moft commonly 
 to be defpis'd, it is not however always to be 
 Reje&ed. 
 
 CCLII. A 
 
(75) 
 
 CCLIL 
 
 A Man is defervedly punifh'dthat Marries 
 £t an Age when he muft blufh at his Impo- 
 tence. 
 
 CCLIII. 
 
 A Man that winks at his Wife's ill Condu£t, 
 has undoubtedly Intrigues of his owni 
 
 CCLIV. 
 A Woman Forfeken by her Husband is to 
 be comforted, but when her Lover leaves her, 
 (he is Inconfolable. 
 
 CCLV. 
 
 A Woman's Chaftity is not to be endurM, 
 where {he expe&san Uncontroulable Liberty 
 in Lieu of ir. 
 
 CCLVI. 
 A Womans Vertue is commendable, pro- 
 viding fhe does not value her felf too much 
 upon it. 
 
 CCLVII. 
 There's no Woman won't be Civil to her 
 Husband, when fhe has aMind to conceal her 
 Lover from him. 
 
 CCLVII1. A 
 
( 76 ; J 
 
 CCLVIII. 
 A Woman's Vertue, for the moft part, de- 
 pends on her Husbands behaviour to her. 
 
 CCLXIX. 
 Some Men had rather hear themfelves Ao 
 cus'd of a great Vice,than commended for Lo- 
 ving their Wives. 
 
 CCLX. 
 
 Few Husbands deferve to be obey'd, and 
 Fewer Wives to be belov'd. 
 
 CCLXI. 
 
 What a ridiculous Oeconomy is there be- 
 tween a Rampant Wife, and a Couch ant Hus- 
 band ? 
 
 CCLXIL 
 
 Widows flied the more Tears out of hopes 
 of encouraging a Second Husband to expe£t 
 the fame Favour. 
 
 CCLXIII. 
 
 A Gamefters Goods are fo often in the 
 Brokers hands, thatthey in a manner become 
 Proprietors of them. 
 
 CCLXIV. 
 Women are lefs indebted to their Charms, 
 than to our Weaknefs. 
 
 CCLXK Women 
 
(77) 
 
 CCLXV. 
 Women are the firft that are Poflefs'd of 
 an Opinion of their Beauty, and the Laft that 
 quit it. 
 
 CCLXVI. 
 Our Reputation does not depend abfolute- 
 Jy on our Merit, fince it is entirely at the 
 Difpofal of the Publick. t 
 
 CCLXVII. 
 Man is a great Example to Humble him- 
 felfby. 
 
 CCLXVIII. 
 
 The Infancy of old Age is more Infupport- 
 able than that of Youth. 
 
 CCLXIX. 
 'Twould be too cruel to hinder an Unhappy 
 Man from complaining, fince that is all the 
 Comfort he has. 
 
 CCLXX 
 
 We may pafs from Prodigality to Avarice, 
 but never back again. 
 
 ccLxxr: 
 
 One condemns a Covetous Man,that would 
 have beenforry if his Father had not been fo. 
 
 CCLXXIL Even 
 
( 7-8 ; 
 
 CCLXXII. 
 Even Covetous Men have their Intervals 
 of Generofity. 
 
 CCLXXIII. 
 
 It is not Conftancy to Love always, but to 
 Perfevere in that Paflion to the fame Perfon. 
 
 CCLXXIV. 
 Idlenefs firft Invented Gaming, and Inte- 
 reft keeps it up. 
 
 CCLXXV. 
 
 Gaming is fit only for thofe that have great 
 Eftates, or thofe that have none. 
 
 CCLXXVI. 
 Women now a-days are not afham'd to be 
 feen in publick with the very Men they keep. 
 
 CCLXXVII. 
 Intereft has introduced the Ufe of Flattery, 
 and Flattery that of Epiftles Dedicatory. 
 
 CCLXXVIII. 
 If Womr \i could be perfwaded that nothing 
 but Knowledge can entitle them toTalk,they 
 would blulh with fliame for being for ever 
 Obliged to hold their Tongues. 
 
 CCLXXIX. Two 
 
(79) 
 
 CCLXXIX. 
 Two Enemies ought never to Engage at 
 Play, for that will be fure toencreafe their 
 Hatred. 
 
 CCLXXX. 
 A Man that is capable of other Things, 
 feldom underftands Play, for what Incapacita- 
 tes himforthat,makes others good Gamefters. 
 
 CCLXXXI. 
 There is fo much Honefty ObfervM in Pay- 
 ing Debts contracted at Play, that Poor Cre- 
 ditors would be glad of the fame advantage* 
 
 L A- 
 
 77/ J 
 
(8i ; 
 
 fr— — — — — ■ ■— —i ■ i a 
 
 LACONICS: 
 
 O R, 
 
 O F 
 
 *fete and Converfation. 
 
 ■■ <Hi i ■ i T ~ . . I i i r i * n l . > " i ■ m 
 
 Part III. 
 
 i. 
 
 WE naturally Love to Cheat, 'tis In- 
 terwoven with our Conftitution,by 
 the fame token \Ve often boaft that 
 we have Paltn'd falfe Dice upon others, when 
 we our felves are the Bubbles. Do but hear, 
 fays Sir John Squander, what a Trick I put up- 
 on a Whore laft Night : Fore George I made 
 the filly Baggage take a Lewis d'or for Seven- 
 teen and Sixpence, after the Proclamation. 
 
 G II. A 
 
( 8i ) 
 
 ii. 
 
 A Soldier, a Vintner, and a Phyfician are 
 the Three Degrees of Companion ; And fo 
 are a Cut-throat,a Backbiter,and a Flatterer : 
 But the Phyfician is the Superlative Murder- 
 er, and a Flatterer the Superlative Villain. 
 
 III. 
 
 How is poflible, fays Madam B 
 
 for a Woman to keep her Cabinet unpicked, 
 when every Raskal has got a Key to't ? Ay 
 but Madam, the RaskaPs Key fignifies not a 
 Farthing, unlefs the Owner of the Cabinet at 
 leaft goes halves with him. 
 
 IV. 
 A Widow and a Government are ready up- 
 on all occafionstoTax the new Husband, and 
 the new Prince with the Merits of their Pre- 
 deceffors , unlefs the Former Husband was 
 HangM,and the Former King fent to Grafs ; 
 and then they bid them take Fair Warning 
 by their Deftiny. 
 
 V a 
 
 For a King to engage his People in a War 
 to Carry off every little ill Humour of State, 
 is like a Phyfician's Ordering his Patient a 
 Flux for every Pimple. 
 
 VI. Scandal 
 
C«3 ) 
 
 Vf. 
 
 Scandal is a never-failing Vehicle for thill 
 nefs. The True-born English Man had died fi- 
 lently among the Grocers and Trunk-makers, 
 if the Libeller had not helped off the Poet; 
 
 VII. 
 Merit is not always the Road to Prefer* 
 ment. Some Mem get it by refolving not to 
 be denied, as Irijjb Men in Town Pick up Wo- 
 men , by Hunting them as School-boys do 
 Squirrels, till they are Weary and Fall down 
 before them. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 A thoufand Aftions pafs in the Worid for 
 Vertuous, tho' they proceed from a quite dif- 
 ferent Principle. My Lord Releafed Jrfen* 
 nus Out of Gaol, and Paid his Debts. This 
 every one Applauded as an Aft of the Highe'ft 
 and moil difintereffed Generofity. They 
 little knew that my Lord at the fame time 
 Lay every Night with Arfennus 1 * Sifter- 
 
 IX. 
 Tho' a Soldier in time of Peace is like & 
 Chimny in Summer, yet what wife Maa 
 would pluck down his Chimny, becaufe his 
 Almanac tells him 'tis the Middle of June ? 
 
 G 2 X. War 
 
(84) 
 
 X. 
 War , as the World goes at prefent, is a 
 Nurfery for the Gallows, as Hodgsden is for 
 the Meetings, and Bartholomew-Fair for the 
 two Play Houfes. 
 
 XI. 
 
 A Woman may learn one ufefulDo&rine 
 from the Game of Backgammon , which is not 
 to take up her Man till fhe's fure of binding 
 him. Had Madam C— and fome of our Young 
 Ladies confidered this, they would not have 
 made fuch a Blot in their Tables. 
 
 XII. 
 'Tis a Mortification to a Prince to fee an 
 old Minifter torn from him, but Self-prefer- 
 vation is the firft Law of Nature : And any 
 Man in his Senfes would fooner fubtnit to part 
 with his Crutch than, his Leg. 
 
 XIII. 
 The fureft way of Governing both in a 
 private Family and a Kingdom, is for a Hus- 
 band and a Prince fometimes to drop their 
 Prerogative. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Could a Woman keep her Failings to her 
 felf as well as file does her Age, Cheaffide 
 would be the Happieft place in the World, and 
 the Houfe would not be troubled every Seflion 
 to Grant Bills of Divorce. 
 
 XV.'Tis 
 
(§5) 
 
 XV. 
 
 'Tis the moft Nonfenfical thing in the 
 World for a Man to be Proud, fince'tis in the 
 meaneft Wretch's power to Mortifie him. 
 How uneafie have I feen My Lord All-pride 
 in the Park, when the Company turn'd their 
 Eyes from him and his Gaudy Equipage ! 
 
 XVI. 
 Gaming find's a Man a Cully, and leaves 
 him a Knave. 
 
 XVII. 
 
 The generality of Women would fooner be 
 found in Bed with a Gallant, than in their 
 Undrefs ; and fomeMenin the in the World 
 would rather be feen with their Miffes in 
 the Park than their Wives. 
 
 XVIII. 
 The greateft Men may fometimes over- 
 fhoot themfelves,but then their very miftakes 
 are fo many LefTons of Inftru&ion. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Examples make a greater Impreffion upon 
 
 us than Precepts. The fight of Sir Edward 
 
 B- — b Running after a Coach for Sixpence, 
 
 will fooner reclaim a Prodigal than a Sermon. 
 
 G ? XX. An 
 
(86) 
 
 XX. 
 
 An old Counfellor in Holboum, usM every 
 Execution-day to turn out his Clerks with this 
 Complement, Go, ye young Rogues, go to 
 School, and Improve. 
 
 XXL 
 Of all our Infirmities Vanity is *the deareft 
 to us. A Man will Starve his other Vices to 
 keep that alive. 
 
 XXII. 
 How many Fops at Mdnh Coffee- houfe and 
 Wills have laid out the only Half Crown 
 they had in the World upon a Ounce of Snuff, 
 when they wanted a Dinner, and their Lodg- 
 ings were unpaid ? 
 
 XXIII. 
 Young Cotilus\ Peftfion for his Weekly 
 Expences amounts juft to Twenty Shillings. 
 His Chairmen run away with Eighteen of it, 
 and he Finds Tea and Chocolate, EfTence and 
 Powder out of the Reft. 
 
 XXIV. 
 Vanity is fo infeparable from our Nature, 
 that it furvives our Afhes, and takes care of 
 Epitaphs and Tombftones before we Die. 
 Clear cbus was as Brave as Hercules : he had 
 given Proofs of his Valour upon a thoufand 
 
 occafions, 
 
(8 7 ) 
 
 occafions, yet once upon a Time had a Difh 
 of hot Coffee Flung in his Face, and bore 
 it patiently. The reafon was, he had a Foul 
 Shirt on, and was loth to Die in it. 
 
 XXV. 
 A Citizen,that thinks toCompound for Forty 
 Years Knavery by Building a Lowfie Hofpi- 
 tal, and Endowing a Paltry Le£hire,does not 
 offer fo much for a good Seat in Heaven, as he 
 would do for one in Middlefex. He does not 
 bid above Ten Years Purchafe for Eternity. 
 
 XXVI. 
 In Point of Intereft, if there were no more 
 in't, a Man fhould rather leflen himfelf 
 than pretend to too much. A famous In. 
 ftance of this we had in a Late Quack : not 
 Content to be the Seventh Son of a 
 Seventh Son, he muft needs call himfelf the 
 Unborn Doftor. This was too much for the 
 Multitude to Swallow , fo the Coxcomb 
 Starv'd between his two Titles. 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 The Church of England generally Preaches 
 Alcdfs, the Presbyterians Acids. Both may 
 do well according to the different Conftitu- 
 tions they Meet, but the Former feem to 
 operate beff with the MenofSenfe, and dBe 
 latter with theMobb. 
 
 G 4 XXVIIL There's 
 
( 88 ) 
 
 XXVIII. 
 There's nothing like bearing an Injury or a 
 Jeft Heroically. The Town may Da--Da— 
 Damn me for Poet, fays Charilus, but they 
 Si-Si-Sjng my Songs for all that. 
 
 XXIX. 
 *Tis in Vain to regret a Misfortune when 
 'tis pail retrieving, but few have Philofophy 
 or Strength enough to Pra&ife it. A Fa- 
 mous Phyfician ventured Five Thoufand 
 Guinea's upoq a Projeft in the South-Sea. 
 When he was told at Garraway^s that 'twas 
 all Loft, why, fays he, 'tis but going up Five 
 Thoufand Pair of Stairs more. This anfwer. 
 deferv'd a Statue. 
 
 XXX. 
 We have different Notions of Providence. 
 What one Man calls a Misfortune, another 
 Man would call a Blefling. Bully Darvfon 
 was overturn'd in a Hack, not far from his 
 Lodgings. This faved him Coach-hire, or at 
 leaft the trouble of Bilking poor Jehu, and 
 to his Dying day he lobk'd upon it as one of 
 the greateft Mercies that ever befell him. A ' 
 Big-bellied Woman would have Mifcarried 
 iipon^ 
 
 XXXL That 
 
(8?) 
 
 XXXI. 
 That which Difcompofes one Man, and 
 breaks his reft, makes another Laugh. 
 
 XXXII. 
 Damon met Macer once in an extravagant 
 Heat, railing at the Horrid ingratitude of the 
 Age, and what not. Never was any Man fays 
 the latter, fo barbaroufly and inhumanly 
 us'd as I have been. There's no Faith, nor 
 Honefty, nor Morals in the World. Why 
 what's the matter, cries Damon. That Eter- 
 nal execrable Dog of a Printer, Replies the 
 other, has Work'd off the laft Sheet of my 
 Poems, without Sending me a Proof. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 A Change is not always for the beft. We 
 have fometimes feen the Miniftry Difcarded, 
 and a New Set of Men brought in their room 
 ten times worfe than their PredecelTors ; like 
 the Devil in the Gofpel that left the Poffefs'd 
 Man's Body, and came afterwards Seventy 
 Strong. 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 Well I muft get me a Floor of new Fellows, 
 fays the Mafter of a Wefiern Barge, otherwife 
 one Sheep-ftealing Rogue will fpoil all the 
 >refi 
 
 XXXV. Well 
 
XXXV. 
 
 What is the Reafon that the Clergymen 
 never Forgive an Injury ? Why, 'tis be- 
 caufe they have better Memories than the 
 reft of the World, and never forget. 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 All Parties blame Perfecution when they 
 Feel the Smart on't, and all Pra&ice it when 
 they have the Rod in their Hands. For all 
 his pretended Meeknefs Calvin made Roaft- 
 meat of Servetus at Geneva, for his Unortho- 
 doxy. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 When Moliere^Tartujf 'was A&ed in France, 
 all the Churchmen complain'd of it. The 
 Fejtin de Saint Pierre, tho' a lewd Beaftly Piece, 
 went down without the leaft wry Face. At 
 fo much an eafier a Rate may a Afan expofe 
 Religion, than Hypocrifie ! 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 I very much Queftion after all, whether 
 Mr.C — r would have condefcended to Lafh 
 the Vices of the Stage, if the Poets had not 
 been Guilty of the abominable Sin of making 
 Familiar now and then with the Backflindgs 
 of the Caflbck. 
 
 XXXIX. Hy- 
 
(9i ; 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 Hypoerifie may Chain up a Man when he 
 is a mong Brethren of the fame Clafs, but Na- 
 ture will certainly break out, whenever it 
 finds an opportunity. How many Caledonian 
 Peers, that can Sit out four Long-winded Ser- 
 mons at a time on the other fide the Tweed, 
 Whore and Drink, and deny themfelves no- 
 thing in the Pall-mall and St. James's ? ? Tis 
 a mighty Refrelhment to be out of the reach 
 of Scandal. 
 
 XL. 
 
 A Whore in the Bufinefs of Love, is what 
 Farthings are in the Bufinefs of Trade ; only 
 us'd for the Convenience of ready Change. 
 
 XLI. 
 'Tisthe moft unpardonable Affront in the 
 World to tell a Woman that (he's Old. My 
 Lord A — who was the greateft Courtier 
 in his time, us'd to fay to his Lady every 
 New-years Day : Well,Madam,how Old will 
 your Ladyfhip be pleasM to be this Year ? 
 
 XLII. 
 The Virtuofo's may talk as long as they 
 Pleafe that the Seafons are Inverted, and the 
 Sun Decay'd ? Whatfbever becomes of our 
 Fruits, our Women Ripen much earlier than 
 Formerly. 
 
 XLIII. Madam 
 
( 9> ) 
 
 XLIII. 
 Madam 5 — laft Year brought her Daugh- 
 ter to St. Martin's to be Married. Little 
 Mifs look'd fo unfit for Bufinefs, that the 
 Parfon Innocently asked her Mother, And 
 what have you brought this Child to be 
 Baptis'd? 
 
 XLIV. 
 
 A Man would willingly have it in his Pow- 
 er to oblige the Fair Sex to the laft Moment 
 of his Life. When Sir H- — was to be Cut 
 for the Stone in the Sixty Seventh Year of his 
 Age, Well, but Doftor, fays he, this Ope- 
 ration won't make a Man Impotent, will it ? 
 
 XLV. 
 
 Covetoufnefs, like Jealoufie, when it has 
 once taken Root never leaves a Man but with 
 his Life. A rich Banker in Lumbard-ftreet 
 finding himfelf very ill, fent for a Parfon to 
 Adminifter the laftConfolations of theChurch 
 to him. While the Ceremony was perform- 
 ing, old Gripervell Falls into a Fit ; As foon 
 as he was a little Recovered, the Doftor of- 
 fered the Chalice to him. No, no, Crys he, 
 I can't afford to lend you above Twenty Shil- 
 ling upon't, upon my Word I can't now. 
 
 XLVL When 
 
W) 
 
 xlvl 
 
 When the High Prieft enter'd the San&ua- 
 ry, which was but once a Year, the Jews have 
 a Tradition that he begged of God not to hear 
 the Prayers of Travellers, who, to have fair 
 Weather for themfelves,don't care what be- 
 comes of the reft of the World. Had we 
 any fuch Cuftom among us, it would not be 
 amifs if our Arch-FUmen pray'd to him, not 
 to hear the different Petitions of the feveral 
 Sefts among us,that, if heard, would not only 
 ruin the reft of the World, but themfelves. 
 
 XLVIL 
 
 What Se£l of Men could Setup with fuch 
 Difad vantage as the Quakers, when they were 
 Kick'd and Buffeted and Laughed at by e- 
 very Body ? But their Darling Principle 
 Sooth'd the Vanity of Men, and made them 
 Judges of every thing Dans le dernier r effort* 
 Of Late they have Lick'd their Cub into lbme 
 Shape, and are far from making a contempti- 
 ble Figure. Who knows but it may be their 
 turn to be the Reigning Religion a Hundred 
 Years hence ? 
 
 XLVIH. 
 
 A Gigantic Man,and a Book of a Monftrous 
 Size, generally fall ; fhort of what they feem 
 to Promife. An ordinary Soul can no more 
 inform anoverlarge Body, than an ordinary 
 
 Genius 
 
(94-; 
 
 Genius can enliven a big Volume. 'Tis 
 as if a Gentleman of 200/. a Year fhould af* 
 feflt to Live in HamptonCourt, where the very 
 Repairs would exceed the Income. Is not 
 a Leaf of the Difpenfary Worth a Cartload of 
 King Arthurs ? 
 
 XLIX. 
 
 Not only Religion and Law , but even 
 Gold and Silver are falfified to procure Gold 
 and Silver. 
 
 If we muft have War with France about 
 Spam, the fooner the better, before Affairs 
 are Settled, and while their Government is 
 young. In King Charles the Second's time 
 Jack Ogle, a very Famous Perfon in his Ge- 
 neration, had got a Clap. Dofror, fays he, 
 to a Chirugeon, what wi— wi-will this bufi- 
 nefs coft me. Why fome Three Guineas Sir. 
 And wha-wa-what Rate does a Pox go at. A- 
 bout Six Sir. Well then, ho-ho-honeft Friend, 
 Cries he, Tie e'n let it run up to a Pox, and 
 Cure both under one. Pray Heaven there be 
 no Jack Ogles among our prefent Politicians. 
 
 LL 
 
 How unnatural a fight it is to fee a Parfon 
 with a Florid Countenance and a double Chin 
 Preach up Abftinence in Lent ! 
 
 HI. Some 
 
( 95 ) 
 
 Lit 
 
 Some Clergymen in the Pulpit are fuch 
 different Animals from what they are elfe- 
 where; That Mrs. /C— - when flie Afts a 
 Virtuous part upon the Stage, is not more 
 different from Mrs. /C~- with a Rummer 
 in her Hand at the Horfefhoe. 
 
 LIII. 
 
 It has been an old Remark, faid a Presby- 
 terian Minifter in his Sermon, that Opinio is 
 of the Feminine Gender, becaufe Women 
 for themoft part are pofitive and Opiniona- 
 tedpwhQYeasJudkium is of the Neuter,becaufc 
 in all Critical exigences, Men of Judgment 
 chufe to be Neuters. The Grammatical ob- 
 fervation is not worth a Farthing, but a 
 wholefome Mythology's couch'd under it, 
 which the Venetians at prefent Pradtife. 
 
 LIV. 
 
 A Speculative Religion is only Calculated 
 for a few Philofophers , and not the grofs 
 Vulgar. 'Tis too thin a Diet for Courfe Ap- 
 petites, as we find Soops and Salladsare for 
 Common Englifh Stomachs. For this Rea- 
 fon the Popifh Priefts amufe them with Pic- 
 tures, Shows, and Images ; the Presbyterian 
 Parfons with Apiih Geftures, Fantaftie 
 
 Ixpreflions, 
 
( 96 ; 
 
 Expreflions, arid fordid Similes, that are 
 full as grofs as images. The Church of England 
 goes the Middle way to Work, and gives it 
 them half in Surplices and Organs, and t'other 
 half in good Senfe and Reafon. 
 
 LV. 
 
 Tho' a Clergyman Preached like an Angel, 
 yet he ought to confider that two hour GlaiTes 
 of Divinity are too much at once for the moft 
 Patient Conftitution. In the late Civil Wars 
 Stephen Marjbal Split his Text into Twenty 
 Four Parts. Upon this one of the Congrega- 
 tion immediately runs out of Church. Why 
 what's the matter fays a Neighbour : Only 
 going for my Night-gown and Slippers, for 
 I find wemuft take up our Quarters here to 
 Night. 
 
 LVI. 
 
 A long reach, and a little Confcience are 
 as neceffary Qualifications to a Minifter of 
 State , as a long hand and little Fingers are 
 to a Man Midwift. 
 
 LVII. 
 
 A Wit and a Beau fet up with little or no 
 Expence. A pair of Red Stockins, and a 
 Sword-knot Sets up one, and Peeping once a 
 Day in at Wills, and two or three Second hand 
 fayings, the other. 
 
 LVIII. Every 
 
(97 ) 
 
 LVIII. 
 
 Every Man thinks fo well of hirrifelf, or fd 
 ill of his Neighbour that he would not 
 Change with him in every Refpeft, tho' he 
 would in forne. Thbufatids perhaps may 
 wilh they had Mrs. Abel's voice,or Sir Char lei 
 D — s Eftate, yet there's fcarce a Man in the 
 Kingdom j I believe, would Change with, 
 them for good and all ; that is to fay, would 
 have Mrs. Abel's good Manners, and Sir 
 Charles's Gratitude. 
 
 LIX V 
 
 'Tis wifely done, as a Gentleman obferv'd^ 
 of a Chirurgeon to live next door to a Bawdy- 
 houfe, of a fliort hand Teacher to aMeetittg- 
 houfe, and one that has a good hand at Pimp-* 
 ing to place himfelf near the Court ; for then 
 they may expefl: bufinefs. 
 
 LX. 
 
 A Man of Merit may be allowM to infinii- 
 ate it Modeftly. Prince Maurice being ask'd 
 who was the greateft General of the Age^ 
 handfomely anfwer'd> the Marquis of <S/>*- 
 nolo, is the Second. 
 
 H LXX* Well 
 
(98) 
 
 LXI. 
 
 Well, this thing calPd Profperity makes a 
 Man ftrangely infolent, and forgetful. How 
 contemptibly a Cutler looks at a poor Grin- 
 der of Knives, a Phyfician in his Coach at a 
 Farrier a Foot, and a well-grown Pauls 
 Church-yardBookfeWQr upon one of the Trade 
 that Sells Secondhand Books under the Trees, 
 in Morefie/ds. 
 
 LXII. 
 
 'Tis hard that a Man fhould go out of the 
 World, almoft as Weak a Wretch as he came 
 into it. Senes bispueri. Old Men are twice 
 Children, fays , the Proverb. There is an 
 old Drawer at the Baptift's Head in Chancery- 
 Lane, that Drew Vinegar when the Scots 
 came into Englana with their Bag-pipes, and 
 Covenant in the Year i64o.Soon after he was 
 preferr'd a Story higher, I mean to Draw 
 Wine, in which Station he continued about 
 Forty Years ; fince the late Revolution he is a 
 Vinegar-drawer again. 
 
 LXIII. 
 
 5 Tis a very hard Cafe if a Man can't 
 find fome Excufe for his Frailty, let 
 it be what it will. About Seven Years 
 ago , when there were fuch Complaints of 
 the ill Summers, and Mr. Flamfted talk'd that 
 there were MacuU in the Sun, I knew a 
 
 Gentle- 
 
(99 ) 
 
 Gentleman thatus'd to get up about the Dusk 
 of the Evening, and went to Bed by Break 
 of Day, and this was the conftant Courfe of 
 Life he led. His Unkle asked him what the 
 Plague made him fuch a Sot ? Oh fays he, the 
 Royal Society fay the Sun is Sick, and for my 
 part I hate to fee Sick Folks. 
 
 LXIV. 
 
 A Man does hot attain to the Top of Pre- 
 ferment in an Inftant. In one Houfe a 
 Young Member generally is initiated by 
 moving for the bringing in of Candles, and 
 in another by Snuffing them. 
 
 LXV. 
 
 Affiduity is one of the belt Qualities in a 
 Courtier to recommend him to his Matter. 
 As Prince Maurice was once at Dinner, in 
 came a Huge Maftiff, and took Sanftuary 
 under the Table. The Pages beat him out of 
 the Room and Kick'd him, but for all that 
 Monfieur le Chien came punctually at the fame 
 Hour next Day, and fo continued his Vifn 
 tho' they ftill continued the fame T reatment 
 to him. At laft. the Prince ordered them to 
 Beat him no more, and made much of him. 
 From that time the Maftiff Commenced 
 a perfeft Courtier, followed the Prince where 
 ever he went, lay all Night at his Chamber 
 Door, ran by his Coach fide as duly as one 
 H 2 of 
 
( ioo ) 
 
 of his Lacqueys ; In fhort fo infinuated him- 
 felf into his Matter's Favour, that when he 
 Died he Settled a Penfion upon him for Life. 
 
 LXVI. 
 
 If your Friend is in want, don't carry him 
 to the Tavern, where you treat your Self as 
 well as him, and entail a Thirft and Headach 
 upon him next Morning. To treat a poor 
 Wretch with a Bottle of Burgundy, or fill his 
 Snuff-box,is like giving a pair ofLace-Ruffies 
 to a Man, that has ne'ra.Shirton his Back. 
 Put fomething into his Pocket. 
 
 LXVIL ' 
 
 When a Man has contra&ed a Habit, 'tis 
 a hard matter to leave it off. A Fellow of 
 a Houfe had got fuch a Trick of talking Latin^ 
 that he could not forbear it even to the Scul- 
 lion-Boys and Bed makers. One After-noon 
 feeing one of the Turn-fpit Dogs bask 
 himfelf delicioufly in the Sun, he thus accoft- 
 ed him. Non Studes^ ignave, non Studes, fed 
 toto die otiofus es y & oftendis ingentes tuos Tejlicu- 
 los ad Solem. 
 
 LXVIII. 
 
 What is Sawce for a Goofe isSawce for a 
 Gander. When any Calamities befel the 
 Roman Empire, the Pagans us'd to lay it to 
 the Charge of the Christians; When Chrifti- 
 
 anity 
 
( ioi ) 
 
 anity became the Imperial Religion, the 
 Chriftians returned the fame Complement to 
 the Pagans. 
 
 LXIX. 
 
 That which partes for Current Doftrine at 
 one jun&ure and in one Climate, won't do 
 fo in another. The Cavaliers in the beginning 
 of the Troubles us'd to Trump up the i yh* 
 of the Romans upon the Parliament, the 
 Parliament trump'd it upon the Army when 
 they would not Disband, the Army back a- 
 again upon the Parliament when they Difput- 
 ed their Orders. Never was poor Chapter fo 
 unmercifully tofs'd to and fro again ! 
 
 LXX. 
 The Jefuits here in Europe in their Difputes 
 with the Proteflants^h&ve recourfe to Miracles, 
 as a Proof of the true Church. In ALthiofia, 
 where the AbyJJines over numbered them in 
 Miracles, they very fairly denied the Argu- 
 ment, and Reafoned againft them as we do. 
 
 LXXI. 
 
 The Quakers here in England won't take 
 up Arms, no not they, becaufeall War is un- 
 lawful : When the French attack'd them in 
 Pevfihaniajhe Cafe was altered; the Drums 
 Beat, the Guns Fired, and Carnal Weapons 
 were not thought finful. 
 
 H g LXXII. An 
 
( ioa) 
 
 LXXII. 
 An Englijb Bull-Dog ? and a Scotch Presby- 
 terian are of a different Species from all the 
 Bull-Dogs and Presbyterians in the World. 
 
 LXXIII. 
 
 Not to Flatter our Selves, we Englijh are 
 none of the moft conftant and eafie People in 
 the World. When the late War pinchM us, 
 Oh ! when fhallwehave a Peace and Trade 
 again. We had no fooner a Peace, but huz- 
 za Boys! for a New War, and that we '(hall 
 be ioow fick of. 
 
 LXXIV. 
 
 It may be no Scandal for us to imitate one 
 good Quality of a Neighbouring Nation, 
 who are like the Turf they Burn, flow in 
 kindling, but when once throughly lighted, 
 keep their Fire. 
 
 LXXV. 
 
 'Tis natural for every Man to be fond of 
 his own Country and what it produces. In 
 the Parilh Church of'Soeft in WeftfhalU there 
 is a Reprefentation of the laft Supper in a 
 Glafs-window, - where our Saviour and the 
 Apoftles fit down before Gammon of Bacon, 
 the Topping Difh of the Country, inftead 
 
 of 
 
( lo? ) 
 
 of the Pafchal Lamb. Two hundred Years 
 ago perhaps, in the days Popery, an Engltflj 
 Painter would have made it a Sur-loin of beef. 
 
 LXXVI. 
 
 What a fine thing it is to be well-manner'd 
 uponoccafion ! In the Reign of King Charles 
 the Second, a certain Worthy Divine at 
 Whitehall^ thus Addrefs'd himfelf to the Au- 
 ditory at the conclufion of his Sermon. In 
 fhort if you don't live up to the precepts of the 
 Gofpel, but abandon your felves to your irre- 
 gular Appetites, you muft expeft to receive 
 your reward in a certain place, which 'tis not 
 good manners to mention here. 
 
 LXXVU. 
 
 We can't properly call that Man unhappy, 
 who knows nothing of his Misfortunes. Lifan- 
 der\ Wife is the mod infatiable Strumpet 
 that ever Liv'd,yet Lifander Joggs on merrily, 
 Snores contended ly, and believes her Horieft. 
 T'other day he made a vifit to Qh&refhon, 
 whofe Wife denies her felf no Innocent Free- 
 doms, but is as chaft as a VeJlaL Lord ! Cries' 
 Lifander to himfelf, what an Unlucky 
 Wretch is poor Chtrephon to have fuch a Vi- 
 per in hisBofom. 
 
 H 4 LXXVIH. Con- 
 
( ™4 ) 
 
 LXXVIIL 
 
 Gonfcience is a Riddle I don't know what 
 to make of ; 'tis fometimes Pride, 'tis fome- 
 times Obftinacy, 'tis fometimes Intereft, 'tis 
 fometimes nothing; like a Skittifh Jade it will 
 Startle at a Windmill, and itand buff to a 
 Canon ; it will keck at Pap, and Digeft 
 Steel. 
 
 LXXIX. 
 
 JEmitia would not let her Husband take 
 the Oaths to the Government, and yet never 
 fcruplps to try a Fall with the next Comer 
 for Half a Crown. Her pious Husband too, 
 tho' he won't Swear, will fooner get Drunk 
 \\pon Tick, than go Sober to Bed. 
 
 LXXX. 
 
 In the time of the laft War a French Wo- 
 man kept a little Bawdy-houfe in Ghent. To 
 ingratiate with the English Officers, her con- 
 ftant Complement was, Ayez ptie^ Mejjieurs^ 
 d* unepauvre Refugie'e, qui eji venue four la. Re- 
 tigion. Notwithstanding her Religion, fhe 
 jiad Harlots always at their Service. 
 
 LXXXI. 
 
 Since this Revolution a Worthy Church- 
 man, that for feveral Reafons muft be name- 
 jefs, thanked God that the Majority of the 
 
 Clergy- 
 
( io5) 
 
 Clergymen had taken the Oaths, and that 
 others again had refufed them ; for, fays he, 
 by taking them we have Secured our poor 
 Church, which otherwife had been in danger 
 of Falling, as our Sifter of Scotland has done ; 
 and by fume of us refufing them, and Sacri- 
 ficing all we had to them,we have fhown the 
 Nation there's fuch a thing as Confcience ftill 
 among us. And yet this Reverend Perfon 
 chofe rather to fave the Church, than {how 
 his Confcience. 
 
 LXXXII. 
 
 Melijfa looks as demure as a Nun, goes 
 twice a day to Church, abhors the Play-houfe 
 and Players, has always the Catalogue of the 
 Lent Preachers by Heart, rails at Patches and 
 Commodes, and yet is a Fury Incarnate in a 
 Corner. I went to, pay Melijfa a Summ, fays 
 a Gentleman, laft Night, and {he was fo fond 
 of my Mony,that I thought in my Confcience 
 fhe would have run away with the Purfe. 
 
 LXXXIII. 
 
 Women Tax their Gallants pi inconftancy 
 without Reafon. Their Humors, their Faces, 
 their - Charms daily Change ; what makes 
 them then Complain ? 
 
 LXXXIV. For 
 
( io6 ; 
 
 LXXXIV. 
 
 For a Woman to think to fecure her Lo- 
 ver when her Beauty, that made him fo, is 
 gone, is to expe£t as great a Miracle as 
 Tranfubftantiation wrought in her Favour, 
 where the Accidents are faid to remain,when 
 the Subftance that Supported them is 
 vanifhed. But this is no Age for Miracles. 
 
 LXXXV. 
 
 What unaccountable Creatures are 
 Women! They treat their Humble Servants 
 like Slaves when they fee them ; they Rail at 
 them , they Defpife them , they'l hardly 
 Vouchfafe them a look, t yet are uneafie in 
 their abfence. 
 
 LXXXVI. 
 
 A Minifter by ill advifing his Prince, and 
 putting him upon wrong Methods, has often 
 had the Honour to fee a Flourifhing Coun- 
 try reducM to Beggary. A Gentleman was 
 Railing as faft as his Lungs would give him 
 leave at Cardinal Richlieu. Don't talk fo 
 Loud, fays his Friend to him, left fome of 
 his Creatures there fhould over hear you, 
 meaning apar eel of Beggars that flood near_ 
 them. 
 
 
 LXXXVII. Some 
 
( i°7 ) 
 
 LXXXVII. 
 
 Some Authors are fo long a Corre&ing and 
 Mending their Works, that like Paul's they 
 may be laid to be Old before they are FinifhM. 
 
 LXXXVIII. 
 
 To accquaint a Man with his being a Cuck- 
 old, and to preach the -$oth. of January Sermon 
 before the Houfe, are two Ticklifh Points that 
 one would willingly avoid. 
 
 LXXXIX. 
 
 'Tis Merry to confider what fort of Rea- 
 fons fome Men give for what they do. A 
 Diffenting Parfon *was Preaching a Funeral 
 Sermon in Morefields. He laid about him fo 
 Powerfully that all the Congregation Wept, 
 except one Fellow, who feem'd not a jot 
 concern'd. Being asked the Reafon why he 
 did not Weep, What have I done to Weep, 
 fays-he I am not of this Parilh ? 
 
 XC. 
 
 A good outfide is the beft Sir Ch. Cotter el in 
 a Strange place. 
 
 XCI. Servants 
 
( io8 ; 
 
 XCl. 
 
 Servants arecarelefs and impudent,and their 
 Matters generally {peaking may thank them- 
 felves for't. A Worthy Knight near Trvicknam 
 had fome Gentlemen at Dinner with him, 
 he calls for a Bottle of Ale, his Boy opens it 
 juft under his Nofe, by the fame token it flew 
 all upon his Face, Cravat, and Periwig. 
 The Knight not at all difturb'd and wiping 
 himfelf, well fays he, this is the Wittieft Boy 
 in the World, I warrant you he Serves me 
 a Hundred fuch witty Tricks in a Year. Here 
 Sirrah, kysTom Otway tohim, who chanced 
 to be then in the Company, here's a {hilling 
 for you to encourage you in your Wit. 
 
 XCII. 
 
 How glad a Man is when he hears another 
 accufed of a Fault, which does not reach him ? 
 Some People were talking againft Pluralifts, 
 and what a horrid Scandal and fhame 
 they brought upon the Church. Heaven be 
 Prais'd, fays a certain Prelate, no body can tax 
 me with Pluralities. I have but one Benefice, 
 God knows. 
 
 XCIH. 
 
 If the Church has a Mind to make any 
 thing pafs for a Sin, 'tis an eafie matter to 
 lug and ftretch a Text till it fits the purpofe, 
 
 A 
 
( ™9 ) 
 
 A Parfon would needs prove Dancing to 
 be Sinful, and thus he brought it about. Im- 
 primis Dancing is a Circular Motion, deny it 
 who can. In the next place, tis as plain as a 
 Pike-ftafF that a Circular Motion is Diabo- 
 lical, for doth not the Text exprefsly fay of 
 the Devil,G>f#/V terram quarens quern devoret ? 
 
 xciv. 
 
 The late Ordinary of Newgate Mr. Smith, 
 who was one of the moft Famous Scruple- 
 drawers of his time,had one impenitent Clip- 
 per once to deal with. Why, fays the Fellow, 
 what Harm have I done ? a parcel of Over- 
 grown Shillings fell into my Hands, and I 
 only parM off their Superfluities. They would 
 have bought but twelve Penn'oth of Beef and 
 Turnips at fir ft, and they'l buy twelve Pen- 
 n'oth of Beef and Turnips ftill. Ay, but 
 heark you me Friend, Cries the Ordinary, 
 what is it to Clip a thing,but to Pare it Round, 
 and what is Pareing Round call'd in Scripture 
 but Circumcifion, and who under the Evan- 
 gelical Difpenfation dares Pra&ife Circum- 
 cifion, but one that has actually renouncM 
 the Chriftian Religion, and is a Jew, a moft 
 obftinate perverfe Jew in his Heart ? Upon 
 this the poor Clipper threw himfelf at his 
 Feet, own'd the heinoufnefs of his Sin, con- 
 fefs'd that Sabbath-breaking had brought him 
 to't, and Wept like aChurch-fpout. 
 
 XCV. A 
 
( "o ; 
 
 xcv. 
 
 A Jolly Red-faced Preacher at the upper 
 end of Thamesftreet, had a great mind to 
 prove a Standing Army to be jure DivinopnA 
 how did he make it out ? Why, as plain as 
 you'd wifh. God Almighty fays he, keeps a 
 Standing Army of Cherubim and Seraphim to 
 prevent the Incurfions and Depredations of 
 the Devil, and what are Kings, but his Vice- 
 gerents ? The Man meant all well, that's 
 certain, and the Fraternity at Toung Marts 
 are bound in Honour to prefent him with a 
 Silver Bottle-fcrew, and Tobacco-box. 
 
 XCVI. 
 
 A Divine ought to Calculate his Sermon, 
 as an Aftrologer does his Almanac,to the Me- 
 ridian of the Place and People where he lives* 
 What fluff it is to Preach againft Ufury at 
 Whitehall^ and Fornication in Lumbar dfireet f 
 No invert the Tables, Preach againft Ufury in 
 Lumbardjlreet, and Fornication at Whitehall. 
 
 XCVIL 
 
 One Sunday Morning a Shower of Rain 
 drove a Gentleman of my acquaintance into 
 the College Chappel at Chelfea. The Mi- 
 nifter, as he told me, was veryfurioufly in- 
 veighing againft Covetoufnefs before a parcel 
 
 of 
 
( ... ) 
 
 of Fellows [that were in no great danger of 
 being infe&ed with that Sin, or ever feeing a 
 greater Summ than Half a Crown. He 
 ought to have PreachM againft Swearing, 
 Pilfering, Rubbing out of Ale-houfe Scores, 
 and building of Sconces. 
 
 xcvur. 
 
 Ingratitude, Perfidy, Oppreflion, Bribery, 
 and the like maybe Preached againft in every 
 Church between Berwick and St. Michael's 
 Mount. 
 
 XCIX. 
 
 St. Ephiphanius. St. Theophylati, St. Grego- 
 ry of Nazianzum, the Concilium Illiberitanum y 
 and St. Aufiin de Civitate Dei, rumble well in 
 a Country Church, and makes the Parlbn ad- 
 mired by his Flock, but is not one good ar- 
 gument more Convincing than a Thouland 
 Citations out of St. Gregory f 
 
 C. 
 
 To quote St. Ambrofe or St. Jerome y or any 
 other Red-letter'd Father, to prove any fuch 
 important truth as this, that Virtue is com- 
 mendable, and all excefs to be avoided, is 
 like fending for the Sheriff to come with the 
 foffe Comitatus to difperfe a few Boys at Foot- 
 ball, when it may be done without him. 
 
 CI. Some 
 
cr. 
 
 Some Divines make the fame ufe of Fathers 
 and Councils, as our Beans do of their Canes j 
 not for fupport or Defence, but meer Orna- 
 ment and fhow : and Cover themfelves with 
 fine Cobweb Diftin&ions, as Homers Gods 
 did with a Cloud. 
 
 CII. 
 
 Tho' ignorance is none of the beft Quali- 
 fications for one that fets up for Direftor of 
 others, yet 'tis better we fhould have a few 
 ignorant Parfons, than our Parifhes have 
 none to look after them. My Lord D — ask'd 
 a certain Bifhop in the late Reign,why he con- 
 fer'd Orders upon fo many Block-heads. Oh ! 
 My Lord, fays he, .'tis better the Ground 
 fhould be Ploughed by AfTes, than lye Un- 
 till'd. 
 
 cm. 
 
 All Churches, let them pretend what they 
 will, afpire at power. The Hugonots in France 
 after the Aflembly of Rochel'm the Year 1620. 
 gave Commiflions to their Officers to Raife 
 Horfc and Foot in nomine Ecclefwum* 
 
 CIV. 
 
 The Presbyterian Divines have been ob- 
 fervM of late to Preach after the manner of the 
 
 Church 
 
("3 ) 
 
 Church of ' Englijh-men. Without fettingup 
 for a Prophet I dare venture to affirm that 
 this will be their Ruin. 'Twas the Melodious 
 twang of the Nofe,theDufting of the Cufhion, 
 the Black-cap tipt with white, the Zealous 
 tofsof the Handerchief, infhort the Fire, the 
 vehemence, the impetuofity of their Aftion 
 that gave them all their Authority with the 
 People, which, they'l foon lofe, if once they 
 quit fhow,and Grimace for good Reafonand 
 Senfe. People then will to go their Parifli- 
 Churches. 
 
 CVI. 
 
 Singularity of Expreffion, Habit, and the 
 like, keep up a Seft that would otherw T iie 
 Fall. This for ought I know has been the 
 chief Prefervation of ^adaifm. Whenever 
 the Quakers part with their Broad-brimm'd 
 Hats,little Cravats,and Coats without Pockets 
 before, the Author of the Snake in the Grajs 
 may e'n leave off Writing againftthem, for 
 their Farthing-Candle, calPd the private 
 Spirit, will go out of it felf. 
 
 CYII. 
 
 People may talk what they will of the Li- 
 berty of Amfterdam, but tis no where in fuch 
 perfection, fay I, as in London. A Man in 
 Amfterddm is fuffered to have but one Religi- 
 on, whereas in London lie may have two 
 Strings to his Bow. 
 
 i eviii. a 
 
( "4 ) 
 
 CVIIL 
 
 A Man that fplits himfelf between two 
 Churches, is true to neither, but to his own 
 Intereft. 
 
 CIX. 
 
 There muft be fomething more than Or- 
 dinary in the Wind, when a Splay- mquth'd 
 Linfey-wolfey Sir Humphry toqualifie him- 
 felf for a Gold Chain, and Scarlet-Gown, can 
 fwallow fo rank a Pill as Superftition, and 
 fubmit to the Popery of St. Pauls. 
 
 CX. 
 
 Sometimes the Church of England and 
 Presbytery fhall be one, fometimes as different 
 as light and Darknefs ; juft as the prefent 
 Junaureof Affairs will have it. 
 
 CXI. 
 
 The Minifters of both Churches, that can 
 admit fuch Amphibious Animals by turns to 
 their Communion, havefome Invifible Loop- 
 holes to Creep out at, which no body elfe can 
 fee. For fhame charge the Jefutis no more 
 with Equivocation. 
 
 CXII. 
 
 A Man that keeps fteddy to one party, 
 tho 7 he happens to be in the Wrong, is ftill an 
 
 honcfi 
 
("5 ) 
 
 honeft Man. He that goes to a Gathedral'm 
 the Morning,and Salter s-b dim the Afternoon, 
 is a Raskal by his own Confefiion. 
 
 CXIII. 
 
 A true Citizen'/ Confcience makes a gain 
 of every thing, even of Godlinefs it felf. 
 
 CXIV, 
 
 Mahumetanifm came into the World with 
 Teeth and Claws,was Nurfed up in Violence, 
 Rapine, and Murder, yet grown up to Man's 
 Eftate generoufly gives Quarter to thofe of 
 a different Belief: Christianity, whofe Dif- 
 tinguifhing Character is Love and Meeknefs, 
 allows Cutting of Throats for the Propagation 
 'of theGofpel. 
 
 cxv. 
 
 A Man in throwing Dirt at his Adverfary> 
 does often be-fpatter himfelf. Two Coun- 
 try Fellows Quarrel'd in the Field, and one 
 purfued the other up to his own Village. 
 When he found himfelf Safe, now come on, 
 fays he, you Cuckoldly Dog, if you dare. We 
 £re Four to one of you. 
 
 CXVI. 
 
 A Woman will fuffer any thing fooner 
 
 than lee her Husband beftow his kindnefs 
 
 •fdfewhere. My Lady B — found Sir John, 
 
 I 2 and 
 
( "6 ; 
 
 and her Gentlewoman too Familiar together. 
 The very next Moment Che turn'd her away. 
 Huffy, cries fhe at parting, I have no occa- 
 fion forfuch as you. All the bufinefs you 
 do here I can as well difpatch my feif. 
 
 CXVII. 
 
 Selfjb never fpeaks well of any one, and 
 never dines at home. Twas juftly faid of 
 him, that he never open'd his Mouth but at 
 another Man's Expence. 
 
 XCVIII. 
 
 A Jealous Man and a Cuckold,fays Sir John 
 Sucklin, differ like Alderman and Mayor, 
 a little time makes, one the other. A com- 
 mon Slanderer wants only an opportunity to 
 bee a Cut-throat. 
 
 CXIX. 
 
 What greater Torment can their be on 
 this fide Hell than defire and Impotence ? 
 
 cxx, 
 
 The Ephefun Matron of Famous Memory 
 was an Angel to fome of our Modern Wives. 
 She had the Manners to ftay till her Husband 
 was Cold, before fhe difpofed of her Self. 
 Ours enter into Articles before the Old Bond 
 is CancePd. Dear Betty ^ fays a Butcher in 
 Smithjield a. little before he Died, I am not a 
 
 Man 
 
C»7) 
 
 Man for this World, therefore I would ad vife 
 you to Marry our Man Jack, 'tis a Clever well- 
 built Strong Fellow , and our bufinefs you 
 know requires fuch a one. Well, Husband, 
 Anfwers She, and fo it does, but if that's all, 
 never trouble your felf, John and I have agreed 
 that Matter already. 
 
 CXXI. 
 
 'Tis not a fine fhow of Books makes a 
 Scholar, and yet, cries the Fleet-ditch Quack, 
 why fhould not I know as much as any of the 
 College , I'm fure I have as good a Library, 
 As if Staring upon a parcel of Books neatly 
 Bound, or upon a heap of Guineas through a 
 Goldfrnitfrs Glafs in Cbeapjide, would either 
 make a Man Learned or Rich. 
 
 CXXII. 
 
 Buying of Books is Grown into a Fafliion, 
 even with thofe that can't Read them. The 
 aforefaid Quack hearing a Buxtorfs Hebrew 
 Lexicon put up at an Autiion, cries aloud, He 
 have it. When he had looked upon it a little, 
 he return'd it back to the Auctioneer. Mr. 
 Millington , fays , he , you may e'n keep 
 this Book for your own ufe, Fie have none 
 on't. Why the Damn'd Book-binder has 
 fpoil'd it, he has made it begin at the End. 
 
 CXXIII. In 
 
CXXIIL 
 
 In fome Grounds every thing degenerates. 
 Wheat runs into Barly, Artichokes turn 
 to Thiftles, Grapes give nothing but 
 Verjuice. And thus the beft SubjeQ: grows 
 Flat and infipid in fome hands, that have the 
 Reverie of Midas's Talent, and turn every 
 thing into Lead. 
 
 CXXIV. 
 
 He that Writes abundance of Books, and 
 gets abundance of Children, may in fome 
 Senfe be faid to be Benefaftor to the Publick, 
 becaufe he Furnifhes it with Bumfodder and 
 Soldiers ; but 'tis impoflible he fhould beftow 
 enough upon them to make them appear hand- 
 fomely in the World. 
 
 cxxv. 
 
 'Tis a Sign of the laft neceflitv in an Au- 
 thor when he is forcM to Steal from himfelf. 
 Tis worfethan Robbing the Spittle. 
 
 CXXVI. 
 
 Mr. Shadrvell in one of his laft Plays, is fo 
 honeft as to own that he had Stole a few hints 
 out of a French Comedy, but pretends 'twas 
 rather out of Lazinefs than want. This 
 Confeffion inftead of mending Matters wou'd 
 have Hang'd him at the Old Baily, and why it 
 fiiould fave him in Pawatfus I can't tell. 
 
 CXXVU. 'Tis 
 
( "<?; 
 
 cxxvii. 
 
 >Ti$ Strange that an Author fhouM have a 
 Gamefter's Fate , and not know when to , 
 give oVer» Had the City Bard ftopt his hand 
 at Prince Arthur, he had mift Knighthood, 
 tis true, but he had gone off with fome ap- 
 plaufe. 
 
 CXXVIII. 
 
 C lewder don't give your felf the Trouble to 
 Write againft Maevim, ftay but a whilp, and 
 youT find he'l Scribble himfelf out of his little 
 Reputation. 
 
 cxxix. 
 
 One would almoft Swear that fome Authors 
 had Served an Apprentifhip to a Faggot- 
 maker. A Subftantial Stick or two on the 
 outfide, a promifing Title, a tolerable Pre- 
 face, and all rubbifh within. 
 
 cxxx. 
 
 Never was there fuch a Shoal ,of Verfifiers, 
 and fo few Poets. 
 
 CXXXI. 
 
 Some Books like the City of London fare the 
 better for being Burnt. 
 
 CXXXII. Plays 
 
1 
 
 ( IiO ) 
 
 ft 
 
 CXXXII. 
 
 Plays and Romances Sell as well as Books 
 of Devotion, but with this difference : More 
 People read the Former than Buy them, and 
 more Buy the Latter than Read them. 
 
 CXXXIII. 
 
 Tho'Life is fofhort,we fpend it as unprofita 
 bly as if we had Methufelah\ Age to Squander 
 away. How many tirefome Dutch Volumes^ 
 
 and tedious Nights has Dr. B -y gone 
 
 through, to acquire all that ufeful Learning a- 
 bout Tbericlean Cups, and Sicilian Groats ! 
 
 CXXXIV. 
 
 'Twas a Mer.y faying of Rabelais tha. 
 Man ought to Buy all the bad Books tha.t 
 come out, becaufe they will never be Printed 
 again. 
 
 cxxxv. 
 
 After a tedious long Calm under the Line 
 how delightful a profpeft is the Land to the 
 poor Seaman ! and when a Reader has been 
 QuagmirM in a dull heavy Book, when he has 
 wifhed Author, Printer, and Bookfeller a 
 hundred times at the Devil, what a refrefi> 
 ing comfortable fight it is to fee 
 
 FINIS, 
 
B }«!• 
 
 n